# Trauma or is it just me?



## Tronick (Dec 11, 2012)

Hi everyone,

I am a new member to this website and I have had DP for about 5 years. My DP is 24/7 constant and I have been seeking help for it for about year. At first I thought it was something physical, before I got some of the more psychiatric symtoms.

Recently I have been asked by my doctor if I think some early childhood trauma is to blame for my DP. When I was 5 years old my brother committed suicide, and apparently the way I describe his open casket funeral makes my doctor think that is the first time I depersonalised.

I really don't feel as though this has really affected me, I was only a little girl and I was ok for most of my childhood.

So, my question to everybody is: have you experienced some kind of trauma in your lifetime? And if so, has it caused or at least impacted your DP?

Let me know, because I'm pretty unconvinced. Thanks.


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## konstantine02 (Mar 12, 2009)

That is QUITE a traumatic event.

My father died when I was 18. He wasn't around most of my life, so I didn't think it impacted me. Therapist after therapist told me that this impacted me, and I was unconvinced.

...Until I started doing trauma work in therapy and realized that YES this whole thing WAS traumatic and my mind skewed it to downgrade the severity of the trauma (which is where my DP comes into play).

I would say finding a therapist who does trauma work would be your best bet. He/She could get to the root of the trauma and what triggers you/how it triggers you because it could come out in ways you would least expect.


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## Tronick (Dec 11, 2012)

Did you start to depersonalise shortly after your father died, or is it a trigger situation for you, like if you think of a certain memory or be in a particular place? Thanks for your advice


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## konstantine02 (Mar 12, 2009)

It's a trigger situation for me. Usually when I start new relationships or when I need to be super reliable with things, etc. It comes out as the DP, stemming from the way the trauma played out in my head.


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## so_tired (Dec 11, 2012)

konstantine02 said:


> That is QUITE a traumatic event.
> 
> My father died when I was 18. He wasn't around most of my life, so I didn't think it impacted me. Therapist after therapist told me that this impacted me, and I was unconvinced.
> 
> ...


yes, the same with me (dad died at 18, i grew up during war in my country, spent a year in shelters, spent 3 months in Italy alone with my grandmom away from my family who stayed home in war and i was afraid they will get killed, i was 5 at that time. before that my dad went to war and it is my first memory, i was convinced i will never see him again because i saw how my mom cried and other people's reaction and i wasnt so dumb so i know he could get killed. thoug my dad lived until i was 18 i lost my dad the day he went to war. after that he detached from me and my sister, my parents fought every single day, my mom is serbian and my dad was croat and serbs werent welcomed in my country.. my sister sexually molested me for few years, probably because herself was also traumatized since she was also a kid. she was always verbally and mentally abusive, and directed her aggression towards me which was probably biggest reason for my dpdr, because i couldnt develop SELF, express it.
When I was 2 yrs old my mom lost her 1st cousin who she considered as her own child, she was 9, and my mom was 2 years severely depressed, i think thiy left much mark as well because all of a sudden i was around mourning people and all alone, emotionally, because i didnt get attention. this is also big trauma for me.
As well, my dad, after war, got 'nuts' and he was never home, we were ashamed of him because he acted as crazyy person. in the end, he ended up in a mental institution for PTSD, the tragedy was that my mom was primitive and was hiding it and in 3 YEARS of his stay at the hospital (with some visits home) I NEVER EVER went to see him there, even though the hospistal is in the same city as I live in. It was the period when I was 1st grade in HS (9th grade) till 11th grade, so 3 years.. of my formative teenage years I was living so close but so far from my dad. And denied him. Denying your parent is denying your origin, your self. I remember when I was 15, had my first boyfriend, and I was with him in the city, and saw my dad... I acted as if I dont know him. And i didn't see him for 3 months then. I acted this way because my mom teahed me to be ashamed of him, without reason.
When he died, when I was 19, i identified with him and thought everybody thinks i am crazy. and i didnt act crazy AT ALL, but the identification was so strong
when he was dying. that lasted 1 year, he got cancer. i was the only one THE ONLY one who took care of him. I was his carer. I lived with him through death. I practically died with him to make his sufferring easier, carried his luggage... i felt his sufferring as it was my own. this was the breaking point. THIS destroyed me. After years of different sufferring.. this i couldnt handle.. i colapsed. I never recovered (it's been 7 years)
sorry for my story i got carried away!!!! dont want to spam your thread

anyway.. i went to trauma therapy etc. and i suggest anyone to be CAREFUL how they choose a therapist because mine digged out TOO MUCH STUFF TOO FAST, made me seriously unstable and I had psychotic reaction (being aggressive, HYPERfocused on my sexual abuse... ) I am still thinking of sueing that 'therapist' (she has no real licence)


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## Tronick (Dec 11, 2012)

Wow, you have had an incredibly tough time, I am so sorry to hear all of this. One of the main reasons I have heard as to why people develop DP is because they take on others emotions. I think that you are a very sensitive person, and have taken on a lot of your family's stresses and depression. I hope you find a therapist that is right for you, and I will definitely look into this kind of therapy. Thanks.


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## abbeytuhkanen (Dec 23, 2012)

I had a small stroke last fall, and for me that was very very traumatic. It scared the shit out of me. After the stroke incident, I suffered a little bit of anxiety, but I repressed it quite a bit. I feel like I have had depersonalization since that day. I had my first panic attack about a month ago, and my depersonalization has been so much worse since that. I am in therapy doing EMDR therapy. I want to recover from this depersonalization, because I know I have so much to live for and have so much support from the people around me. I just want to get better.


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## Guest (Dec 27, 2012)

def trauma, same for me. dont feel like sharin a story like ^ but it does happen.


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## ValadhielRose (Jan 13, 2013)

Trauma in my case - mauled in the face by a dog 2010, brother murdered 2011, miscarriage 2012, mother with terminal cancer, alcoholic absent father. Life goes on, sad to say I haven't found anything that relieves the pain and symptoms; that's why I'm here.


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## Lynxabc (Nov 28, 2012)

Alcoholic father (sober now) but he was most of the time during my childhood...so it was no supirse i got it


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## D'annie (Jul 24, 2013)

this is exactly how i feel


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