# It Goes Away



## ThaDon (Sep 5, 2014)

I made this account simply to help the people who don't think they'll ever get rid of dp/dr

A little background: my first dp/dr episode was probably when i was about 6 years old. i didnt know what it was at the time. i just asked my mom had she ever had that feeling where she doesnt feel real and she said yes. so i didnt get scared of it. i just kept doing whatever i was doing and it went away and i didnt even notice until minutes after it went away. it only lasted for about 5 minutes. so whenever it happened in the future (about once a year) I just let it pass, and the longest it would last is 10 mimutes so i never car ed or stressed about it

fast forward to 2011 when i was 16: i had started smoking weed around this time. everything was good. then i smoked with my older cousin on that thanksgiving and had a panic attack (didnt know it was a panic attack at the time) because i was around my mom and family. i slept it off, woke up, still felt weird, went back to sleep, and woke up back to normal. so the following monday i smoked by myself and barely got high so i decided to take a break. that was november 29th, 2011

it wasnt until december 17th, 2011 that i got that "unreal" feeling again. i hadnt smoked or anything out of the ordinary. normally i'd just let it pass but since that was the first time i got the feeling since being a weed smoker i thought the weed did something to me (even though i had been sober for like 3 weeks lol, i now realize what a dumb thought that was). i made my biggest mistake when i got home from school though.... LOOKING FOR CURES

i searched and searched my symptoms, found the terms "depersonalization" and "derealization", and searched those. then i saw those stories of people saying they had it for 7, 15, 20 years and just lost it. i cried because i thought i was gonna be like this forever. everyday i searched cures, everyday i checked to see how i was feeling. and almost everything i did revolved around getting rid of the derealization or not making it worse

to make a long story short, and i dont want you guys to get scared by this, i had derealization from December 2011 - February 2014. that's half of the time i was 16, the whole time i was 17, and 3/4 of the time i was 18. i didnt touch one drug during that time but i worried everyday. i wanted to start back smoking again when i was 17, but i was so worried that it would make my derealization worse that i didnt even bother

In February 2014 i was convinced that i'd feel like this forever and i just didnt care anymore, i gave up on trying to get rid of this. so i figured i'd just smoke (well not smoke, it was actually an edible) because either way this isnt going away. i enjoyed my high and barely thought about derealization. then i went to sleep.

i woke up the next morning and i was AMAZED. IT WAS GONE!!!!! I couldnt believe it, it was really gone! I had my life back, it was all back to normal! not "almost", i was back!!! you'll know for sure when you're back to normal btw.

and the thing is i didnt do some big celebration dance, i just smiled for a few seconds and continued life lol. i decided i'd only smoke weed once a month. everything was going good.

now i'm not saying "smoke weed and you'll be better!!!". I dont even 100% know how i got rid of it, i just know i did. but i think it's because i let go of my fears. derealization made me scared to touch weed, but when i ignored my fears and smoked anyway i woke up the next morning and was back to normal. so even though it's easier said then done you just have to stop being scared of the feeling because that's what it is, a FEELING. i used to think i was possibly going schizo but when i got back to normal i laughed at my 2011 - 2014 self. i couldnt even grasp the concept of dp/dr. i legitimately couldnt understand why i'd be scared of it. i didnt even really remember how it felt. i did realize however that all it is is heightened anxiety. i know you all have probably read that before and it doesnt mean anything while you're going through dp/dr but when you're out you'll realize that it was just anxiety and nothing else

i had another panic attack while high again back in july and i'm actually back in derealization right now. i smoked with the same cousin and ended up around the same family members from my 2011 panic attack. how's that for deja vu? lol. it's been a month and some change now. it's crazy because even though i know for a FACT it goes away I still find myself worrying about it. i'm feeling much better than i did compared to like 2 weeks ago. i'm basically back to normal, like i'm not scared of my thoughts or anything. i just want the feeling to go away.

It does go away though. i just want you guys to remember that. and when it goes away you're gonna think it's the silliest thing

If you guys have any questions about ANYTHING feel free to ask.


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## dpdrsuckssomuch (Aug 18, 2014)

Wow thank you for your post!

I'm a 16 year old girl. I've had dp & dr since April, so it's almost been 5 months. Mine does stem from anxiety. I got it the day I had my very first panic attack.

I would say this experience is very scary, especially for someone this age. Most teens are out and about enjoying their final years of not being an adult. I do get out as much as I can still, and I go to school which helps a lot.

The symptoms are what I really hate... 
You don't feel human. I'm always pondering the purpose of life, it seems meaningless when you're an outside observer. I always have thoughts like "Who am I, what am I, how do I exist". It's weird to hear myself talk and it's weird to say my own name. But I guess this all goes away once I feel normal again.

Thinking about reaching normality again kinda scares me, it sets a panic in me because I don't remember how it feels. But I'll get there

As of right now, I'm on Celexa 20mg to try to get the thoughts and anxiety under control. It's only been 2 weeks & I know it takes about 4-6 to see actual improvement. But if this Med works, according to my psych, getting rid of anxiety will get rid of this awful dp dr and it's accompanying symptoms.

Thanks again for your amazing post. Xx


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## ThaDon (Sep 5, 2014)

dpdrsuckssomuch said:


> Wow thank you for your post!
> 
> I'm a 16 year old girl. I've had dp & dr since April, so it's almost been 5 months. Mine does stem from anxiety. I got it the day I had my very first panic attack.
> 
> ...


No problem. You're in my prayers and I hope you see improvement soon. i know it's hard, especially at sixteen. I was 16 when I got it too

hopefully i'll be reading your recovery story soon!!!!


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## ThaDon (Sep 5, 2014)

brrka said:


> w
> 
> what were ur symptoms ?


sorry for the super late reply but the first go round it was basically just not feeling real, always tired, not wanting to do things because of how i felt, always angry inside because i was miserable. the thing that got to me the most tho was not knowing if it'd ever go away. i could read as many recovery stories as i wanted but if i wasnt recovered it meant nothing

this time its the same, but now i know from personal experience it goes away. 100% fact. but even i still worry.

i believe the only way to recover is to not look for a recovery. because when i was young and used to get dp/dr for 10 minutes a year i never fought to make it go away because i never saw it as an issue. but when i got it at 16 i did fight to make it go away and it stayed until i said "fuck it" at 18 and gave up trying, then it went away.

since ive gotten it back ive been fighting it and thats why i still have it

like if you're doing something specifically for the purpose of getting rid of dp/dr it wont work. im not saying eat unhealthy all day and never work out. but dont do that just to get rid of this. because you're still thinking about it. eat healthy and exercise because YOU want to

another tip: stop "what if" thinking. it'll get you nowhere. it's like preparing yourself for anxiety the next day.


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