# Why say anything



## marvinnash (Jun 3, 2011)

Hello to all DP sufferers..
Wow, I'm not sure why i'm actually choosing to write something, but I guess that is kind of my question, which I have finally decided to take the time to ask here. I just signed up today but have been watching this forum for just about 2 years now. I have had DP for about 8 or more years, most of which were spent drinking and other things, which helped me to get by but ultimately have just made my life an embarrassment and brought me to rock bottom. Once I realized what it was I was suffering from, I stopped drinking and have been trying to regain my life. Sounds great, only I am almost two years in and I feel pretty much worse than I ever did. I have no job, no girlfriend, no life, and probably about to be homeless. My family has been supporting me, but they look at me like I'm a fake and are expecting me to just magically get better, get a job and be on my way. I have tried everything; reading up on the forums, not reading up on the forums, supplements..supplements..supplements, staying busy, excepting the DP, exercising, interacting with people(no thank you), and just about every medication under the sun(all were either worthless or horrible experiences). I did however have good success with xanax and adderral a couple years ago, but I was also drinking and being crazy cuz I didn't know what was wrong with me. I don't think I can convince a doctor to give me any addictive meds at this stage of the game, unless they don't look into your history. Most days I just feel like there is no point in living, what's the point, I have no connection to anyone or anything, too afraid to leave my room, am just a burden to those around me, and have ran out of plausible would-be cures that might Repersonalize me. After turning 22 it has just been a pointless blur, my youth just waisted. Now I'm 32 and can't stomach the thought of suddenly being 42 living the same pathetic existance, or even how I could possibly make it that much further without becoming homeless or choosing to end it all. Well I have rambled enough, now to my question.. I'm wondering what I am missing that all of you who post on here apparently are not. Are most people on some kind of medication that is working for them or maybe I am suffering from severe depression as well, cuz I have thought of plenty of different things to write about over the last two years but have always concluded that it is pointless and required too much effort(gathering my racing thoughts and controlling the add is not an easy task), Wow, as I'm writing this my head is spinning and I cant figure if I'm even clearly asking my question. I guess I want to know if most people are possibly either less depressed than I or are finding ways to put their DP symptoms aside enough so that that they can find an amount of solace or benefit from interacting on this site. If anybody reads this, I apologize if there is no sense to be made of it. Best wishes to all!!


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## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

Hello,

Sharing is good. It makes you feel more connected when you talk to others who are experiencing similar things. Although the dissapointment is there is no magical answer. I have found after experiencing this for over a decade, that the only way I continue to go on with life is to take things day to day. I don't expect to fully "recover" but I also know that I will have good times and bad. So it's worth pushing through the bad days to get to have good ones. Although dp seems to effect people in similar ways, everyone is different and has a different path to getting better. For some it's meds, and for some it's therapy, and for others it's holistic. The thing that has helped me the most is acceptance of it. I know what my limitations are and I accept that. I allow myself personal space during my difficult times and know that I know myself better than anyone else so I don't let outside opinions get to me. I know I'm doing the best I can. But most important, I think it does help to talk about what you're feeling whether it's on here or with someone you trust and that listens to you. It's good to know you aren't alone. Hang in there.


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## FacelessJane (Apr 1, 2011)

Like you, I too felt lost and without a purpose. I'm getting used to just accepting that there is no defined purpose that I can know at this point. 
Acceptance of the DP symptoms have helped to alleviate them as well.

I've found my solace by contemplating the complexity, beauty and richness of nature. That's really what has saved me more than much else. Our complex human brain chemistry is part of that mystical, unexplained, fascinating beauty of nature, even if it does work against us sometimes. If we just relax our churning thoughts and understand our emotions and accept our human nature for what it is, both good and bad, it's easier to live with it all. Our minds will be errant and play tricks on us and our emotions will get the best of us. Our brains have negative pathways hardwired into them from the DP remedies that we've developed to protect ourselves. We have to just accept this as part of our human experience and live harmoniously with it. We can overcome it once we can understand it and approach it with gentleness and acceptance.

I hope you find patience and kindness with yourself so that you can understand the root of your problem and accept it and live despite/above it.

Wishing you peace to you in your personal voyage.


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## marvinnash (Jun 3, 2011)

feministcat said:


> Hello,
> 
> Sharing is good. It makes you feel more connected when you talk to others who are experiencing similar things. Although the dissapointment is there is no magical answer. I have found after experiencing this for over a decade, that the only way I continue to go on with life is to take things day to day. I don't expect to fully "recover" but I also know that I will have good times and bad. So it's worth pushing through the bad days to get to have good ones. Although dp seems to effect people in similar ways, everyone is different and has a different path to getting better. For some it's meds, and for some it's therapy, and for others it's holistic. The thing that has helped me the most is acceptance of it. I know what my limitations are and I accept that. I allow myself personal space during my difficult times and know that I know myself better than anyone else so I don't let outside opinions get to me. I know I'm doing the best I can. But most important, I think it does help to talk about what you're feeling whether it's on here or with someone you trust and that listens to you. It's good to know you aren't alone. Hang in there.


THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY. I too don't expect to fully recover and and am willing to take some bad days for a couple good ones, only I can't remember any good day in recent years. I am going to take another shot with meds and keep hopeful for the future. I can appreciate your outlook on things. I like that you realize that people do have different paths in recovery. I'ts not right for us to judge others we don't know. You are right-on about knowing one's self better than all those around us with opinions. Thank you again. I will make an effort to interact more. Take Care


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## marvinnash (Jun 3, 2011)

FacelessJane said:


> Like you, I too felt lost and without a purpose. I'm getting used to just accepting that there is no defined purpose that I can know at this point.
> Acceptance of the DP symptoms have helped to alleviate them as well.
> 
> I've found my solace by contemplating the complexity, beauty and richness of nature. That's really what has saved me more than much else. Our complex human brain chemistry is part of that mystical, unexplained, fascinating beauty of nature, even if it does work against us sometimes. If we just relax our churning thoughts and understand our emotions and accept our human nature for what it is, both good and bad, it's easier to live with it all. Our minds will be errant and play tricks on us and our emotions will get the best of us. Our brains have negative pathways hardwired into them from the DP remedies that we've developed to protect ourselves. We have to just accept this as part of our human experience and live harmoniously with it. We can overcome it once we can understand it and approach it with gentleness and acceptance.
> ...


Thank you for your kind words. I am Happy for you that you have found some comfort in your journey. I totally get the mystical, unexplained, fascinating places a depersonalized mind can take you to. It's part of my hope that if and when I get back to feeling mostly normal, I will still remember the odd fascinating/scary places my mind has taken me and choose to venture there ever so often. Thanks again, I appreciate you taking the time to share. Take care


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## whiterabbit (Aug 16, 2004)

Hi Marvin

Just read your post - just to say I know exactly what you are going through - I have lived with this horrific condition on and off for 37 years, started aged 10, now 47 and am totally recovered. It has taken a long time, have gone through some horrible zigs and zags on this long journey of estrangement - but I am replying now to tell you that there is Hope, you can recover. It feels like Total Hell, I remember often thinking no human being should be expected to live like this, this is horrific, I want to be dead. (Adn I did try to be so, on many occasions(. But the thing is, I have gradually got better over the years and this is how: by talking with and connecting with people - friends, family, - even though I didn't want to (and sometimes couldn't do it for very long periods), getting the right medication; I'm on the antis-psychotic quetaipine and the anti-depressant, a-citalapram; being in therapy for long periods, and being creative - I am a performer now and do multi-media AV events every so often. My dear friend Heloise, who died recently, would always say to me, when she knew I was going through Hell, quite simply 'Keep Going Doll, one foot in front of another, keep going ' and that is what it seems like when you are in it, one foot in front of another is all you can do.

So am sending you lots of love and a Big Hug - and if you want to chat privately, my pm doesn't seem to work, so here's my email - [email protected]

Caritas Abundat

Sarah XX


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## marvinnash (Jun 3, 2011)

whiterabbit said:


> Hi Marvin
> 
> Just read your post - just to say I know exactly what you are going through - I have lived with this horrific condition on and off for 37 years, started aged 10, now 47 and am totally recovered. It has taken a long time, have gone through some horrible zigs and zags on this long journey of estrangement - but I am replying now to tell you that there is Hope, you can recover. It feels like Total Hell, I remember often thinking no human being should be expected to live like this, this is horrific, I want to be dead. (Adn I did try to be so, on many occasions(. But the thing is, I have gradually got better over the years and this is how: by talking with and connecting with people - friends, family, - even though I didn't want to (and sometimes couldn't do it for very long periods), getting the right medication; I'm on the antis-psychotic quetaipine and the anti-depressant, a-citalapram; being in therapy for long periods, and being creative - I am a performer now and do multi-media AV events every so often. My dear friend Heloise, who died recently, would always say to me, when she knew I was going through Hell, quite simply 'Keep Going Doll, one foot in front of another, keep going ' and that is what it seems like when you are in it, one foot in front of another is all you can do.
> 
> ...


What a nice and honest reply. Thank you for the invite to chat with you. I plan on taking you up on that, I do see it important that I try to reach out and connect with others. Take care


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