# Caught in Illusion



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

It seems like a lot of people come on here and say they are recovered, when they have only had one episode of DP.
I could have done the same, as I've "recovered" and really believed I've had the whole shit figured out; only to have it return up to ten years later.

My question is, how on earth do you keep it away? For me, each episode is worse than the one before, and now I'm so lost in my head I can't imagine getting well again. How do I look at the world as before when I've faced the horrors of true existence?
I know now I don't have a "self", it's my current life that has built this illusion around my awareness, or "soul" if you like. So what then will I be when I die? When all the layers of this life is peeled off, will it be the ultimate depersonalization? Will it be the terror I've already had a glimpse of? And if this is the case, what is the purpose? All I see around me now when I look at people are animated flesh, and all my experiences as meaningless as TV-shows, forgotten as soon as they came.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

those are some gnarly concepts. death better not be the ultimate depersonalization. it can't be. that would just be too shitty.


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## Guest (May 19, 2011)

york said:


> It seems like a lot of people come on here and say they are recovered, when they have only had one episode of DP.
> I could have done the same, as I've "recovered" and really believed I've had the whole shit figured out; only to have it return up to ten years later.
> 
> My question is, how on earth do you keep it away? For me, each episode is worse than the one before, and now I'm so lost in my head I can't imagine getting well again. How do I look at the world as before when I've faced the horrors of true existence?


you haven't "faced the horror of true existence", you've faced a pessimist look on life. nothing more.


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## Surreal_Life (Sep 2, 2010)

I've been thinking the same thing. I wish my DP had never happened, or that I can return to being the person I was before. But my DPD made me see that the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that made up my old self were false, just like all thoughts and beliefs and identities are false, just like all of existence is pretty much false...I mean once you have seen that how do you go back to being the person you were? Or to being anybody? Even if it went away I would always know it could happen again, that the person I had returned to being was built on nothing much. Depersonalization is a loss of innocence. How can you go back?

I don't think death is the ultimate depersonalization. For some reason I still believe in the soul, in life after death, where everything will make sense, where we will be "alive" again.


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## Surreal_Life (Sep 2, 2010)

On the other hand, maybe DP holds no truth. Maybe it's nothing but a state the brain gets into after too much stress. Maybe someday when we have picked up our lives as best we can, when we've given up hope, when we least expect it, everything will start flooding back, and our pasts and ourselves and joy and suffering and other people will be real again and the only thing that will seem like a dream is DPD itself.

That's what I hope. Some people who recover even say that's what it's like.
So why does it feel impossible, like we've crossed a line and can't go back?


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## Guest (May 22, 2011)

Surreal_Life said:


> On the other hand, maybe DP holds no truth. Maybe it's nothing but a state the brain gets into after too much stress. Maybe someday when we have picked up our lives as best we can, when we've given up hope, when we least expect it, everything will start flooding back, and our pasts and ourselves and joy and suffering and other people will be real again and the only thing that will seem like a dream is DPD itself.
> 
> That's what I hope. Some people who recover even say that's what it's like.
> So why does it feel impossible, like we've crossed a line and can't go back?


DP holds no truth. If you really analyze the scary thoughts you have in DP, you'll realize that they're not built on logic, they're built on fear. DP is not the result of wisdom.

It's being half-awake during a nightmare.


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