# Will I ever fully recover?



## sarah514 (Aug 24, 2010)

I've had depersonalization going on three years now. Pot gave me major anxiety, and anxiety gave me DP. It was terribly frightening for the first four months. I couldn't sleep, eat or have any peace of mind. For whatever reason, it got better after those four months and it has pretty much been the same since.

My symptoms have subsisted to feeling a separation between my mind and body, not completely feeling like myself and that reality is somewhat off. I've gotten so used to this way of living and perceiving life a certain way, that these feelings aren't even that prominent.

I think what scares me that most is that it's bearable. I can see myself living the rest of my life in this state of mind and being okay with that. Maybe it's because I've forgotten how I used to live.

I feel there's nothing more I can do. For the past three years I've just been living my life; I've even gotten over most of my anxiety. I have hope for recovery, but at the same time I realize I don't need it to live life. I'm generally happy, I just feel like a part of me is missing. But I can't even remember who that is anymore.


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

The title made it sound more desperate than the actual post was. if your happy then what is the problem and if you ARE happy then you probably are pretty much recovered anyway right?


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## sarah514 (Aug 24, 2010)

Mother Brain said:


> The title made it sound more desperate than the actual post was. if your happy then what is the problem and if you ARE happy then you probably are pretty much recovered anyway right?


Yes, I am generally happy with the life that I have, but that's only because I can't really remember what it was like before. And that in itself is kind of depressing.

Also, when I say happy, I mean I'm not depressed or terribly fixated on my DP. I'm just content. I'm worried that because I've settled for this perception of the world that I'll be stuck with it forever. Don't get me wrong. Just because I'm usually happy, doesn't mean I'm recovered. I definitely still have DP. It just means i've learned to live with it.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

sarah514 said:


> Yes, I am generally happy with the life that I have, but that's only because I can't really remember what it was like before. And that in itself is kind of depressing.
> 
> Also, when I say happy, I mean I'm not depressed or terribly fixated on my DP. I'm just content. I'm worried that because I've settled for this perception of the world that I'll be stuck with it forever. Don't get me wrong. Just because I'm usually happy, doesn't mean I'm recovered. I definitely still have DP. It just means i've learned to live with it.


I can very much relate to what you're saying. I'm at the same place, have been for a long time now and I've found it's that mindset, where you don't really care, is what brings about recovery. Thinking back to 6 months ago, can you notice positive progress in symptoms? What about where you are today vs a year ago?

Sometimes I get these scared moments where I'm afraid it won't ever go away. But then I remember that I have been recovering and am better today than 6 months ago and that gives me peace and positivity.


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## hennessy (Apr 2, 2008)

sarah514 said:


> I've had depersonalization going on three years now. Pot gave me major anxiety, and anxiety gave me DP. It was terribly frightening for the first four months. I couldn't sleep, eat or have any peace of mind. For whatever reason, it got better after those four months and it has pretty much been the same since.
> 
> My symptoms have subsisted to feeling a separation between my mind and body, not completely feeling like myself and that reality is somewhat off. I've gotten so used to this way of living and perceiving life a certain way, that these feelings aren't even that prominent.
> 
> ...


feeling exactly the same way. are you better now? please report.


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## MisterMister (Oct 12, 2009)

Hey man, I can totally relate to these feelings you're having. I'm reasonably sure that Depersonalization is what I've been experiencing for almost 4 years due to a series of stresses exacerbated by heavy marijuana use. Just a feeling of numb content? I'm not sure how to describe it, and that tends to be one of my biggest worries lately. I seem to be at a loss for words when it comes to expressing my feelings, this poses a bigger problem in social situations. Can anyone relate to this? I have to force myself to think of things instead of letting them just pop in my head as I might've before this. I don't plan to hang about this forum much, or make many posts as I can feel it already making my reality of dp more real and in turn making me worry more.


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## sarah514 (Aug 24, 2010)

Thanks for all the posts. @ValleyGirl83 I don't really notice my symptoms that much to detect if there's been any progress or not, which I guess is a good thing. I think I'm just recovering extremely slowly, but I am getting better I suppose. 
and hennessy, like I said, haven't really noticed any serious improvements. But it's probably just lifting at a slow pace.

@ MisterMister, yup I can relate to that struggle. I think the problem is we're putting too much thought into what we say, or are worried how other people will perceive us. It could also be that we are more aware of our thoughts and emotions, because we're trapped in our minds (well at least for me) and dp makes it difficult to express ourselves.

Nice to know I'm not the only one at this stage of dp.


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## MIndfAEL (Mar 13, 2012)

i can definitely relate to your post. i feel like even though I've got a little better since the onset I'm just always in like baseline dp. but maybe we are just recovering very,very gradually. i mean some people's recoveries have literally taken a year+. i know what you mean when you say your content in this state i guess the only advice i would have is to really get in touch with your emotions and try new things. I'm in the same position as you.


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

Dont worry just because youve settled for this now doesnt mean that it will be enough for you forever. you will start to look for more ways to improve your selfesteem and to develop your conciousness in other ways but for now stay content. to be content in this world is actually pretty rare so cherish it for as long as it lasts and dont worry that youll be "stuck" BECAUSE of your content your content will stay with you as your drive and search for more selfdevelopment develops. you will realize that you are not "done" with yourself and that will take lead you onto other things. its a process but man take my word for it beeing content isnt a restricting thing its a liberating one and dont fight it move WITH it!


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