# arrrrgggg!



## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

homeskooled just posted a new year's resolution in here, and it made me realize some things.

so...i don't know what my problem is. i have been friends with this guy for a while, and recently it's looking like there may be something more there...he's great...and normal...and we have amazingly similar goals in life...and i really like him, which hasn't happened in quite some time (i mean, i never even liked my exboyfriend, and we dated for 6 months). the problem is, that i am having an extremely hard time initating anything. he's always said that he won't pursue girls, and it wouldn't have been a problem for me, not all that long ago, to call boys, ask them out, etc. but now i can't seem to pick up the phone. i guess i am seriously deficient in self-confidence lately and rejection would be unthinkably terrible right now (not that it's ever a wonderful experience).

i'm sorry to be a whiny bitch, but i had to vent and i wouldn't mind any advice you guys had to offer...

kisses,
-coop


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## Monkeydust (Jan 12, 2005)

You need to get involved.

You don't need to necessarily go for him right away. But keep on hanging out with him, do stuff with him, spend time around him, talk to him. If it's going to go somewhere you'll be able to see soon enough, and it might not seem so hard to go for it when the moment comes.

Just don't avoid the issue and settle with being "just friends". It's a cowardly way to go about things if it's not the way you want things to be.


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## Guest (Jan 4, 2006)

agentcooper said:


> homeskooled just posted a new year's resolution in here, and it made me realize some things.
> 
> so...i don't know what my problem is. i have been friends with this guy for a while, and recently it's looking like there may be something more there...he's great...and normal...and we have amazingly similar goals in life...and i really like him, which hasn't happened in quite some time (i mean, i never even liked my exboyfriend, and we dated for 6 months). the problem is, that i am having an extremely hard time initating anything. he's always said that he won't pursue girls, and it wouldn't have been a problem for me, not all that long ago, to call boys, ask them out, etc. but now i can't seem to pick up the phone. i guess i am seriously deficient in self-confidence lately and rejection would be unthinkably terrible right now (not that it's ever a wonderful experience).
> 
> ...


That's bitching and venting???? agentc, I could give you lessons if you want.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

beachgirl said:


> That's bitching and venting???? agentc, I could give you lessons if you want.


that's very true....i suppose it really does sound ridiculous, doesn't it? i just haven't had to deal with this particular type of problem in quite a while and i really like hearing what you all have to say.


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## Guest (Jan 4, 2006)

Yeah, I'd like to hear what the guys have to say, too. I need some advice for when I meet someone


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

Why did he say he won't pursue girls?


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

enngirl5 said:


> Why did he say he won't pursue girls?


i don't really know. my guess would be that he associates that type of behavior with the typical meat-head/turbos.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

I was wondering if it was because he's shy or too good to pursue them. I was thinking it wasn't a shy thing.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Or, perhaps he's shy and this is his indication to you that he wants you to make the first move. It could very well be that he fears rejection and lacks the self-confidence to make the first move.

Listen to me...i should write for Chatelaine.

s.


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Dear Agentcooper, 
I dont know why he'd make a public statement to that effect. He could be the kind that doesnt want to get burnt, but he could also be the kind that hates the dating game and gets fed up with the cat and mouse games, immaturity, etc...It wouldnt be a bad thing if you could find something you have mutual interest in , and ask him to go with you to it. It would be a pseudo-date. You dont have to say "Would you go out with me?", which is really just a movie cliche if you ask me. If you leave it open-ended like that, he's free to make it into a just-friends outing or a romantic one, and he'll know that your interested. I think its a smooth way to play these sorts of things, and its usually how I do it. Of course, you could just ask him out too. I wouldnt mind it if a girl asked me, actually, but some guys might consider it too forward. I think you should be diplomatic about it.

I'll give an example of what I was talking about above: So almost every day, nowadays, I'm in the university library doing research for this law firm's medical suits, right? And there's a beautiful Indian girl who is a student librarian in the reference library. Almost everytime I'm in there, so is she. I thought she was, you know, checking me out for while now, but I didnt even know her name, who she was....there wasnt much of a way to initiate conversation and find out if I was right. So I started waving to her when I came in to do research, and she would immediately perk up. So I asked her how her winter vacation was going, Christmas....we started talking about our holidays, our respective families. Somehow it came up that I perform magic ( I think I told her I was performing some for my brothers and sisters). In any event, she said she'd never seen magic in person before. So I picked up a pen from her librarian's desk, and a quarter, and threaded the pen right through the center of the quarter, and handed them back. She loved it. I saw her once or twice since then, and we talk about the trick I showed her and kinds she's seen on television, and yesterday I asked her if she wanted to see a live performance by a fellow member of the Brotherhood of Magicians at our local Holiday Inn. I hate to do these things all cold, without really talking to a girl, or getting to know them. Having a performance talent really helps. In any event, I may not end up dating her. It might just be a good night of entertainment, and we'll just be friends. But dont feel that you have to rush anything or be too bold....Its not all on your shoulders. Make a move, and see where it takes you. Of course, I still have to work on my own advice, and I may still be taking too long in working up the nerve to make a move. But I'm not a woman, so I wouldnt really know. What do the ladies on here think? In any event, good luck Coop.

Peace
Homeskooled


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

thanks for the replies, guys 

you know, sebastian, i really do think he might be scared of rejection...ug...two people who are terrified of rejection getting together? that would be hell. we'd always be breaking up with each other just so as not to be the rejected one.

and by the way, *have* you ever thought of having a write-in advice column? perhaps it's your next career move...

homeskooled...yeah, i'm not really one to be all cliche like that. i would definately prefer to just hang out for a while and see where it goes...it's just hard because we've already made out (drunken nights!!!) so i get nervous that if i do ask him to hang out, he'll take it as me asking him out (as in, on a date "out")...i'm a bit neurotic.

that is a really good suggestion, actually (about finding a mutual interest). i wish i could thread a pencil through a quarter...it would make my life so much easier.:wink:


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## MrMortgage (Aug 26, 2005)

Screw all this Dr. Phil non-sense, you go up to the guy and you say "I really like your peachs, can I shake your tree?"

:lol:

No but seriously, all this merry go round dating BS comes down to the point of do you like this person or not. Do you want to have a serious relationship or just have sex.

I'm not the type of guy that likes to have sex just because, I need to have some real emotions to want to have sex with a girl, not just because I'm horny.

If you really like this guy a lot, and its hard for you to find love, you need to just bite the bullet and tell the guys, "hey I think your a super cool guy, and I feel a certain connection with you that I dont get from a lot of people, can we go out as more then just friends?"

If he is a shy guy, this is the only way you can get him to come out of his shell.

Its not his fault that you are picky, it yours, so sometimes you have to "go" for it even if that means getting rejected.

If you feel that strong about you need to go for it!


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

coop, do you talk to him alot? like casually? then you could 'casually' ask him out, and im not talking about a date. you could say that you are going to see a movie that night, and he could come if he wants. so its not like its a big deal because you are going to the movie anyway. or you could tell a 'fib' and say you are having some friends over for dinner, or poker, or to watch a movie, (or sports?), and invite him, and when he shows up say your friends couldnt make it. then you get him all to yourself! kinda lame ideas i know, but the point is to keep it on the 'low', no strings, no formalities, just buds hanging out. if there is mutual chemistry the sparks should fly in no time. :wink:


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Dear Agentcooper, 
You know, your right. I never really thought of that, but I think Sebastian would be great as an advice columnist. Its just the way he phrases things, and his advice is usually very diplomatic.

I was just going to tell you that I could teach you how to thread a pencil through a quarter, but I realized that it would sound rather naughty. So instead, I'm going to tell you to think of something you've both discussed that you like. Music, movies....then tell him your going to a jazz club tonight, or this movie you've been talking about (you could even set that one up over a period of time....I'm guilty of doing things like that), or that you want to buy tickets to this concert in March, and wouldnt he go with you because it would suck to just go alone? Having made out with him and then pretending it didnt happen will never do....its just making things more awkward. Just be matter of fact about how you'd like to do things together, and if he acts warmly towards the suggestion, just get all coquettish and start playing with your hair, laughing at stupid things he says, etc....like girls are wont to do when being flirtatious. He'll pick up on it and hopefully reciprocate. What guy doesnt like a little female attention? I bet things will warm up from there.

Peace
Homeskooled


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

hold up here

i was under the impression (and i was talking with someone about this last night) that if a guy likes you , he'll ask you out and if he doesn't pursue you then he doesnt' like you.

so that may not be true?

oh i'm about to fuck my life up so bad


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

which is what is so damned frustrating to me, person! it does seem that he likes me, but he won't make a move....he just won't pursue any girls. i really think it's because he has this idea it will make him seem like he's playing games.


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## Guest (Jan 5, 2006)

Which makes it seem like he IS playing games. Kinda.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

I agree with beachgirl


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## MrMortgage (Aug 26, 2005)

You guys make this difficult on purpose. I told you what to do, tell him you have interest in him. And your willing to work this out! You might get rejected, but so what. It would be his loss.

He is a little shy, and so am I, I dont like to get rejected, but sometimes it happens.


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## Guest (Jan 6, 2006)

It sounds like he's wishy washy. You don't have to be a brain surgeon to know that you're interested in someone. Personally I wouldn't spend a lot of energy anguishing over someone who seemed so inert, if I could help it.

You should give him some indication that you are interested in him as more than a friend. If he doesn't pick up on it and follow through, it's probably for the best, since if he _is_ a wishy washy kind of guy, you probably don't want to be involved with him.

He might not be completely heterosexual, either.


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## fingertingle (Sep 29, 2005)

heh... If he said he doesn't normally pursue girls that seems like an indirect plea for you to do something, but........ this definitely isn't my strong subject


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## Guest (Jan 6, 2006)

[quote="littlecrocodile"

He might not be completely heterosexual, either.[/quote]

That crossed my mind, too.


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

coop, dont be surprised or offended by that assessment. i fell for closet homos before. this one guy that i actually had the balls to give my number to, TOTAL thug surfer badass mechanic. i had a crush on him for weeks before i had the guts to go up to him. it never even crossed my mind for a second that he was gay. he never told me of course. but i kinda got suspicious something was wrong when he never called. and i know he dont have a woman cause id see the guy every day at this one surf spot he hangs at. hes always with other dudes but i never see him talk to chicks. so this one day i see this hot surfer guy yelling at this other hot surfer guy who is crying. the guy yelling is saying 'its over!' and the guy who was crying was saying 'nooo i love you!' and it was the guy i liked!! :shock:


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

I didn't get the vibe he was gay. I just got the vibe that he's a pain in the @ss. He doesn't pursue girls. :roll:


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

i love you girls!! thanks for all the advice/comments.

i invited him out last night with some friends (sleepy and little croc, the bar we went to was a gay bar, he he) but we ended up back at my house alone. i pretty much told him that if he wants anything to happen, he's going to have to do some pursuing...he said that he was just nervous because he wasn't sure what my feelings were...and i guess he didn't want to make an ass of himself. so anyhow, things will hopefully be a bit more smoothly (and not so anxiety ridden) from now on.


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## Guest (Jan 7, 2006)

That sounds good, and did you make out again?????????????????????


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## Guest (Jan 7, 2006)

I hope it works out.   

But usually the beginning of a relationship is a microcosmic view of the remainder of the relationship, IME.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

beachgirl said:


> That sounds good, and did you make out again?????????????????????


 :lol: yes


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Well Holy Moly! Here I thought things were just about dead around here and I run across this dpselfhelp soap opera type thread. :lol: This has the makings of a classic.

So you made out with the guy whilst drunk and now you want to go out with him, and it sounds like he might would go out with you but he's not asking, then you went out last night and ended up back at your place making out ??? Damn Coop, I see marriage in your future. :wink:

I know a man that is back in the dating game and is not doing the pursuing because there is some book out that tells them not to. It says it gives the man the upper hand not to. What do you guys think about that?

BTW, as always Sleepy, your story about the surfer's cracked me up. :lol:

I do hope you two are able to enjoy each others company some more.
Good Luck, Girlie!


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

P.S. I want to learn how to thread a pen thru a quarter !!


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

You got the ball rolling cooper! I hope things go well between you too.


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## Guest (Jan 8, 2006)

Me too, but there's no pressure!


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Dear Agentcooper, 
Smooth move. Doing something mutual and with friends really takes the pressure off in my opinion. Oh yea. And I asked out the girl at the library. Yeah, she wanted to go out alright. Eventhough she has a boyfriend. "Come again?"

I wasnt sure who to be embarassed for - me or her. Then she said, "He'll never know if we go out once." I'm not messing around with someone who's into cheating - I've seen relationships that start like this. Bad endings. I told her to look me up when she's free, and thats that. Maybe we'll be friends or something.....I still have to go to the university library. But she wasted a whole darn lot of my time.

And Terri, your pure evil. I'm running to Steubenville.....running. 8)

Peace
Homeskooled


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Homeskooled said:


> I wasnt sure who to be embarassed for - me or her. Then she said, "He'll never know if we go out once." I'm not messing around with someone who's into cheating - I've seen relationships that start like this. Bad endings. I told her to look me up when she's free, and thats that.


But HS, are you going to ask her out at that point? Someone who seems so blase with their cheating...one can only assume she makes a habit of it, and that her philandering will continue even while she's going out with you. Not to mention what such a thing could do to your political career. (I'm not sure what it would do to your political career...but i like saying that sentence...it makes me sound so connected.)


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

To Sebastian -

. . . .

Draw a line from one dot to another and see how connected that makes you feel. 8) :lol:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dots.
Dots who?
Dot's stupid.

(Are you smiling?)

Dear Mr. Homeskooled,

"And Terri, your pure evil."

Moi ?

I totally agree with S. on the girl at the library thing. She sounds like a philandering hussie and will only bring shame on you, your family and your political career. I'm sorry, we must ask that you never speak to her again.

Signed,
Your Unofficial DPSelfHelp Kichen Cabinent.


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

dude youre in college for crissakes. shag her! shag her rotten baby yeaaah!


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

Homeskooled said:


> Dear Agentcooper,
> Smooth move. Doing something mutual and with friends really takes the pressure off in my opinion. Oh yea. And I asked out the girl at the library. Yeah, she wanted to go out alright. Eventhough she has a boyfriend. "Come again?"
> 
> I wasnt sure who to be embarassed for - me or her. Then she said, "He'll never know if we go out once." I'm not messing around with someone who's into cheating - I've seen relationships that start like this. Bad endings. I told her to look me up when she's free, and thats that. Maybe we'll be friends or something.....I still have to go to the university library. But she wasted a whole darn lot of my time.
> ...


homeskooled, i really can't see you dating a bad person, and she certainly doesn't seem to be very nice...i agree with sebastian, if she'll cheat on her current boyfriend, she'll be way more likely to cheat on you. now, if you're just looking for a shag :wink: then ask her out, by all means.

by the way, all...things are progressing very nicely with that guy. it seems he took my suggestion (to grow some cajones) to heart and has had much bigger cajones now....thanks to everyone who took an interest, your comments and suggestions really did help.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

terri* said:


> Knock, knock.
> Who's there?
> Dots.
> Dots who?
> ...


Terri*, that was so funny...i forgot to laugh. :lol: Now, i remembered.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Me and my lady friend decided to give up smoking on new years day. We really did mean it. I had bought a book by a guy called Alan Carr about how to stop smoking, and it's fantastic.

Unfortunately being smacked in the face by a teenager and breaking up with my friend has, er, somewhat weakened my resolve. :?


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Someone wandered in to the wrong bar.


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## Guest (Jan 10, 2006)

Martinelv said:


> Me and my lady friend decided to give up smoking on new years day. We really did mean it. I had bought a book by a guy called Alan Carr about how to stop smoking, and it's fantastic.
> 
> Unfortunately being smacked in the face by a teenager and breaking up with my friend has, er, somewhat weakened my resolve. :?


It can be freakin hard to do. Did you use patches?


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Dear Martin, 
For the love of God just give up drinking this year. You'll be doing both your brain and liver a favor. Next year, smokes. Either way, you have to quit them both if you're going to live life with a happy, healthy, functional brain. Although if your liver levels have been elevated, I'd get rid of the liquor first.

Peace
Homeskooled


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

I bought that same book recently Martin! Or rather my mom did. But she's not really a hard core smoker the way I am. The most interesting thing I found in the book was about the addiction to smoking, like scratching an itch. See, us smokers have this thing where we think smoking is such a great thing, and it feels so good, and it occupies our hands, and we basically just love to smoke. But it's not really that smoking in itself is that great, its just that we're feeding an addiction, like scratching an itch. It feels so good to scratch that itch, but scratching in itself is not this glorious wonderful thing that the world is missing out on. I've tried to explain this to a few fellow smokers and they all look at me with this blank stare but the Alan Carr guy explains it better. But to me, that stood out to me the most. Of course I just skimmed the book. But it made me realize that by quitting smoking, I'm not losing this great thing in my life, for without the addiction it ceases to be so great. You know?


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Well put, Enngirl...I'll have to remember that analogy next time I'm speaking with someone about addiction.

Peace
Homeskooled


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

I wasn't a bar Terri*, it was outside her house. Filthy scumbags.

You're right Homeskooled. Drinking is now starting to become a rather serious problem. I've got to sort it out. Really, I have to. I wake up virtually every day now feeling like a bag of cat litter. And I'm being honest here. As for smoking...well, I've got to have one pleasure in life.

Beachgirl - no. The whole idea is to completely quit. By using patches or anything else you are just substituting one addiction for another. And don't listen to what people say - Nicotine withdrawal is, for most, apparently quite mild. The problem comes when every hour or so your brain says 'time for a ***'. Just say no. Don't do it.

Think about it. That ciggy you have every morning. You don't enjoy it do you? And the 'pleasure' you think you are getting from a ciggy is just the nicotine stopping the craving. You aren't actually enjoying inhaling smoke.

LOL. Do what I say, not as I do.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Martin, not really what I meant but it doesn't matter as I seem to feel greatly misunderstood around here lately.

I thought you really meant to post your post in the New Year's resolution section. ergo...walking into the wrong bar.

I cold turkeyed ( how do you spell that?) 6 years ago after almost 30 years of smoking and it was hell. I think there are two kinds of smoking, anxiety smokers and those that can go more than 15 minutes without one. I agree with the just don't light one up theory.

The older you get the more those hangover's hurt.


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## Guest (Jan 11, 2006)

Dearest Terri,
Perhaps these feelings of being misunderstood are a reflection of you're life at present.

FWIW I get you


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

Congratulations on quitting Terri! For me, and I'm not trying to make excuses here, but it's almost like I have an extra hurdle that others needing to quit don't have. I'm scared if I quit my panic attacks will come back and I will backslide on all the progess I've made in the past couple of years. I'm just so scared of the anxiety and dp that quitting will bring. That's why I am going to use the gum. I don't wanna put the patch on because I don't like putting chemicals in my body that I can't take out. I have weird reactions to all medicines and I feel like with the gum I will have more control over the nicotine intake.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Thanks Shelly. What's FWIW? I don't know that one. Do I?

EnnGirl...hey, really, anyway it works for you. It is a challenge, a hard, cruel challenge, but it can be overcome.

Here's to the gum working for you and thank God they made it taste better than it did 20 years or so ago.

Best thoughts for you.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

hey guys  this thread kind of got derailed (which is totally fine), but i just thought i'd give everyone an update on the situation. things are going *really* well! we've been spending a lot of time together and i still really like him (which is good, 'cause i'm the type to want what i can't have, and once i get it, i lose interest)...and i believe he really likes me as well. it is so nice to date someone who is good natured, normal, fun, etc...usually i go for the wierdos. so anyhow...thanks for all of your advice. it really did help.

kisses all around!
coop


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Kisses all around, huh?

Sounds like all those happy endorphines you get when you first start going out with someone are bouncing around like crazy.

Good for you, Coop.

( and don't forget to give us the high sign, for Sleepy's sake, if there's any shaggin' going on. :lol: )

t*


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

> (not the guy i'm currently dating for those of you who read "aaaarrrrgggg!")


Yes, those of us who read "aaaarrrrgggg" are waiting with baited breath for your next installment, AgentCooper.

:wink: When I read this in the other thread, I couldn't help but be reminded of this one.

So I would take it things are going nicely?


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