# lets get serious..suicide and dp



## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

ive never mentioned the suicide word before and although this is hell(dp) ive never really thought about it,but i often wonder when i read about some poor soul who has committed suicide if it was actually for the fact that they were dealing with dp and didnt realise that they wernt going mad but this was a result of anxiety/depression...
i really do get f**king angry at the fact that doctors will not recognize this illness and it maddens me when i think of the poor soul walking into the doctors and telling them the same things as i did(a few years back) and being told 'its anxiety,heres some pills now be on your way'
i suffered with this s**t in silence and didnt know what the hell was going on in my head,im just thankful that im a stronger person than i give myself credit for....

i meen for christ sake! how difficult would it be for a few pages to be written on the effects of anxiety and how it can cause all these horrible symptoms and to hand them out to patients experiencing this s**t ... at least it might save the life of someone at there wits end who just cannot understand or endure this pain any longer .....
im pretty tired and im probably rambling but why are we only told of the physical symptoms of anxiety why did we have to search and find out for ourselves this thing called dp............ if we as humans are suffering this then why cant the doctors acknowledge it ....

i dunno .......think im gonna go to bed


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

JC this is what bothers me and I have almost killed myself more times then I can remember because of my DP/DR. If I would have found this website years ago then my life would probably have been much diffrent. It is very, very, very sad that I have talked to many doctors but the only way I could find out what was wrong with me was to get online and do the searching for myself. What makes this issue even worse is that DP/DR is not nearly as I would have imagened, it is just that the doctors are all stupid and they know nothing. It is a very sad fact that there are probably hundreds of people that kill themselves every year because of this illness. So many lives could be saved if doctors would just realize how badly DP/DR can mess up someones life. I feel like screaming at some doctors because they are so extreamly stupid and they don't deserve the title of doctor at all because of their stupidity.


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## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

> It is a very sad fact that there are probably hundreds of people that kill themselves every year because of this illness. So many lives could be saved if doctors would just realize how badly DP/DR can mess up someones life.


man it just makes me damn angry..... now my anger has turned towards the ignorant doctors .... why why why cant they accept this, and to not put too finer point on it 'save lives'

[/quote]


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

Well, strangely enough, for me the panic and DP only made me kind of suicidal early on (like 1994 - 1997). Ironically, the symptoms were probably not nearly as bad back in those days.

It is kind of unthinkable to NOT have depression when you're always DP'd and panicked and agoraphobic. I think part of this is simply because the body/mind may be in an almost constant state of disarray and shock. When your body is responding as if you're in shock, it's trying to protect you, not trying to kill you. However, the firing of this constant protection mechanism does great harm if not shut off. At best, you walk around like a robot, feeling disconnected all the time, unable to make commitments and just enjoy life, in general. But if body/mind believes this switch needs to be on "high" (the instinctual part of the brain here) then it's hard to argue with it otherwise, despite the debilitating symptoms.

That's where frustration (to say the least) and ongoing disappointment set in.

Jeff


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

1A you obviously have PTSD to an extream, just by judging from your words. I don't think that I have PTSD but I do have extream anxiety sometimes and it takes over my live in many ways. It does bother me a lot that doctors are so stupid because I am going to cort soon to try and proove that I am crazy and can't work but the doctors just view me as being lazy or something. I have a feeling that the judge is going to take one look at me and think that I am just trying to rip off the government or something. I don't understand how DP/DR could exist for so long and effect so many people but still most doctors know nothing about it. It makes no sense to me at all. It is almost as unexplainable as the feelings of DP/DR are to me. Why oh why is DP/DR not common knowledge amongst the doctors and shrinks of this sad world?


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

LOSTONE said:


> 1A you obviously have PTSD to an extream, just by judging from your words. I don't think that I have PTSD but I do have extream anxiety sometimes and it takes over my live in many ways. It does bother me a lot that doctors are so stupid because I am going to cort soon to try and proove that I am crazy and can't work but the doctors just view me as being lazy or something. I have a feeling that the judge is going to take one look at me and think that I am just trying to rip off the government or something. I don't understand how DP/DR could exist for so long and effect so many people but still most doctors know nothing about it. It makes no sense to me at all. It is almost as unexplainable as the feelings of DP/DR are to me. Why oh why is DP/DR not common knowledge amongst the doctors and shrinks of this sad world?


Yeah, I agree. That makest kind of hard, because this group here is a great group of people -- at the same time, I do have a hard time finding people or identifying people here who have had panic and agoraphobic to an extreme, but also DP symptoms.

On good days, I would stay inside and sleep and eat crackers and coffee all day.

The biggest problem and I would advice other people THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!!!

I thought I was permanently damaged by 1995 or 1996, so I pretty much gave up on feeling better.

However, you can undo this madness and the accompanying symptoms.

You first have to recognize that feeling this way isn't normal.

I actually successfully tricked myself into thinking that being extremely panicked and DP'd was normal.

Probably so I wouldn't kill myself.

I would sit inside, eat crackers and coffee, sleep, no church, no friends, no sex, and yet I thought my life was normal.

How messed up is that?!!!!

It was this thing in my chest. It completely took me over. Like this wicked nervous energy that just wouldn't go away. It had me paralyzed to the point where, in order to turn my head, to look a different direction, I would have to use my hands to turn my head. LOL. It wasn't LOL at the time, however, of course.

Now, I feel better, but I don't know how to get started again. Plus, I'm a lot older now and haven't worked for anyone but myself since 2002.

Sorry for rambling. That was probably a bit off topic, too.

Jeff


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> I would sit inside, eat crackers and coffee, sleep, no church, no friends, no sex, and yet I thought my life was normal.


LoL :lol:

That's funny because I know exactly how that can happen.

It has happened to me more then once in my life. 
Actually I feel more normal when I am at home doing nothing then I would feel if I was doing what I should be doing. 
1A I don't have some of the problems that you have had but I can understand you totally. I could have easily became agoraphobic myself but most of my fear is just based on how I feel in social enviorments. Sometimes I feel like I have totally went insane when I get around to many people. It is not just social fear though, to be honest I don't really have social fear but I have a fear of the panic that is brought on by my DP/DR that I get from being around people. Doctors just always try to simplify everything and it makes me very angry. 
I hope that you are doing better these days 1A, it sucks that any of us should have to live our whole lives with this sickness.


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## just breathe (Nov 21, 2005)

I have pondered, but have come to the decision that I would rather be commited than kill myself and hurt my family.....


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## Guest (Mar 19, 2006)

i have attempted suicide once before, and have thought of it hundreds of times. I can not even begin to explain the horror of this condition and how it has torn me down inside. I feel so isolated, and at the same time craving attention, but the dp and identity crisis stops me from going out. i find i withdraw because it becomes overwhelming.

I really hope i can work these issues out, its too painful to live this way any longer.

eros


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## walkingdead (Jan 28, 2006)

I have been bi-polar all of my life. I never even thought of suicide until I got my symptoms, some of which resemble DP. Now I actually think every day could be the day. I never enjoy anything, I am in constant discomfort, and my abusive roommate pushes me to the edge.
Its not the same as when I was depressed though. I still could go out and have a good time and party when I was depressed. Its more like I am chronically ill with a disease that has not changed from day one and every minute of every day is just a chore to get through. Only discomfort and mundane boredom are the things I experience.
The reason we do not get help from docs is MONEY! We are too few and far between for drug companies to make any profit from and psych docs are too busy running the garden variety mental patients thru their offices to give a damn about learning about our condition to help us. They make enough money treating the patients they already went to school to learn about and the reality is THEY DO NOT CARE. Sure you'll get one in a thousand who might care but he or she will still not take ten minutes out of a day to research about this condition to help you. They'll just try another prescription(most likely one they get a bonus for prescribing) and see you in another month(so they will see your money again). It sucks but its the truth.


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## jft (Jan 10, 2005)

Jc. Timely post for me. I am an old timer like you. I too have spent thousands of bucks and countless hours with docs who have played ping pong over anxiety disorders and never have recognized any thing but. I have never found relief from them.

On Friday after a long absence from the med community I finally went back to see a psychotherapist. It took a twety minute arguement with the intake nurse to convince her i did not want to see a cbt person or any anxiety specialist for that matter. I also told her I did not want any records released to them so that i would not be prejudged. So I got a sixty year old top notch therapist whose first response to me was "what is this derealization and depersonaliaztion you speak of? So I elaborated and he immediately said " Brain processing issues are not treatable" and went on to say he had no idea what dp/dr were outside of that. I offered to bring him Simeons book and also to show him this website. He said he would rather diagnose me himself with no help thank you. Beleive it or not I am going to see him again. I can punch with this guy, and he punches back. I think we may educate each other. He promised an indepth multi visit diagnosis process which will indeed include this website and Simeons book, if I have to hit him over the head with it.

I write here only to validate your post. It has been such a frustrating road to never be validated by a professional even though we KNOW something is quite real and common amongst us sufferers. I hang out longer on this earth knowing that more info is forthcoming. I want the satisfaction of writing all my former docs with vaildation of mine and your experience once these people finally turn the corner on research. For now I have patience with them, the sorry bastards that they are. Yes, I am angry as well.
jft


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

I tried to kill myself in the summer of '94, though the DP/DR didn't really factor into it that much (I was too used to it by then).

I was just very deeply depressed at the time, maybe because I'd been out of college for over five years but my life was going absolutely nowhere (fun fact: the doctor who delivered me committed suicide not too many years after my birth).

I still don't know how I feel about having failed.

e


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> I still don't know how I feel about having failed.


I know exactly what you mean.

I wonder every day about just why it is that I am living on this planet.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Let's do something about raising awareness rather than feeling hopeless.


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## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

miss_starling said:


> Let's do something about raising awareness rather than feeling hopeless.


this is EXACTLY my point !

i was lucky that i had the willpower and determination to convince myself that i wasnt going crazy,and if it wasnt for reading a small book by claire weekes i dont know how i would have coped circa 1991.... my point is that im sure that theres thousands of people over many years who have had dp and have actually taken there own life as they were not told that this is a reaction to anxiety/depression........ 
i feel like im going around in circles but all it needs is a few sentances in a 5 paged leaflet to be handed on to anyone going to the doctors for the first time convinced they are going mad to maybe save them from suicide,and also this better understanding will maybe stop them getting even more ill due to the lowering of anxiety ...

5 pages descriping typical symptoms shakes,dizziness,weakness,loss of appetite.. AND an explanation of this feeling of being 'unreal' ...also whats the harm in maybe adding a link for this site...

thats all it needs to save someone from suffering more than they should


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> Let's do something about raising awareness rather than feeling hopeless.


This is the thread that talks about that issue.
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/viewtopic.6428.html

I am all for raising awareness. I was just looking at a little booklet about depression the other day and I was wondering why there are so many little booklets about so many issues but you will never see one about DP/DR. How hard would it really be to print up a few little booklets about DP/DR and pass them out? Imagen how many lives could be saved!


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)




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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> we can let more people know the condition exists.


That's all that I am hoping for.


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## Isobel (Aug 11, 2004)

I think this a good idea, must be awful to have this and not know what it is, especially in its extreme.

A lad ive known of for the last 19 years, recently commited suicide. Hes had the same group of freinds for twenty years or so, and not one of them knew why. When another friend told me, i couldnt believe it, and i started thinking, 'what if he had dp? 'and didnt know what it was/ how to handle it and felt so helpless as to take his own life. He was one of the last people i would of suspected of having suicidal thoughts, so how many more are they that you dont suspect?

It saddens me that in society , people really feel its wrong or will be judged if they reach out or say how bad they feel, and it makes me angry that your judged also for wanting to help others.

he was obviously depresssed, but not one of his friends knew about it.


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## chris51 (Mar 21, 2005)

Funny I found that DP PROTECTS me from suicide. As it disconnects me from my real feelings. KWIM?


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## PAXIS (Aug 12, 2006)

chris51 said:


> Funny I found that DP PROTECTS me from suicide. As it disconnects me from my real feelings. KWIM?


not here.. as DP is more like a constant hurting which I want to end, so sometimes suicide seems like the perfect release. Thought about it a bit especially recently but I don't think I would unless I was so debilitated I am unable to do anything or help anyone. There are many things still to live for and death will come in the end, it's best not to waste time and find fulfillment in the happyness you can bring others.


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## Guest (Nov 22, 2006)

I agree with Chris51. DP has even knocked out my social phobia


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## Paideuo (Nov 2, 2006)

1A said:


> I would sit inside, eat crackers and coffee


If only I had been there to knock that coffee out of your hands. Read this website http://www.caffeineweb.com/

Caffeine can cause symptoms that mimic those of almost any mental disorder. In particular, Caffeine tends to cause anxiety and agitation. Fortunately, the discontinuation of Caffeine intake will always mark an end to the symptoms, if the symptoms are caused by Caffeine.

Some researchers are now suggesting that it may be the case that a large percentage of those with mental disorders actually do not have biological mental disorders but present with the symptoms of them due to their intake of Caffeine. It is estimated that as much as 85% of the population of the entire world consumes some amount of caffeine in a given period, making it the world's most popular psychoactive drug (and in my opinion the most dangerous).


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## chiendeguerre (Nov 12, 2006)

Hi

Woosh! Am I alone in questioning the relevance of this thread?

Suicide was someting that I may have considered subconsciously but I won't own up to thinking about it in any conscious and calculating way. When I was having my difficulties with the Local government agency that i described in another thread, I was absolutley in the emotional masher and I was scared that it may have been a viable option then. I would say though, that this was because of the lack of understanding in my society and what this implied. I was completely and utterly alone.

More than that and probably the crucial thing that helped me to obscure the idea that DP was a reason to consider suicide was something someone told me. He said, "If you have a weakness, try and turn it into a strength"

I reckon it was this that enabled me to discover how I could turn DP into, if not a positive thing, a not wholly negative thing. Like I've said in other threads, I think DP is natural and the mind is infinite and can process infinitely, it is fear that cripples and causes us to succumb. This wretched little frog that sits in your heart and jumps about whenever you need to focus your mind. Get a grip of the little sh*t and wring its neck and things will become more tolerable.

Thats what I think anyway, Thanks for listening fellas.


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## widescreened (Jun 22, 2005)

Hey jc. Do you work part time? I get the impression that you are stuck in your head a lot, and if you are alone all day doing nothing, you will fill your life with illusions. A mate of mine described this as your mind starting to play tricks on itself. humans are born to be industrious, physically active. mental activity alone is a lobsided way to live.

Teach guitar part time
Do charity work

when you are helping others, even a little bit, it helps you to get out of your head more.


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