# Almost recovered + what helped me



## courtneyk (Apr 20, 2017)

Hey guys! I'm not 100% recovered but I'd say I'm at least 90% and I think full recovery is near! 
I just wanted to share my story and hope that it'll help someone else that experiences dpdr.

A little background - 
I've experienced depersonalization one time back when I was still in high school. I experienced panic attacks, thought I was dying, out of body, and physical numbness. This only lasted for about two, maybe three weeks and I never experienced it again until about three months ago. Long story short what set it off this time was prolonged anxiety that ended up into a panic attack and that's when I started experiencing derealization and depression symptoms for the first time and it was AWFUL. 
So I'll share with you guys my symptoms and what has helped me!

Symptoms - 
(First I experienced derealization this time around then depersonalization and here's the symptoms I experienced in somewhat order of them happening) 
Brain fog 
Insomnia 
Constant dreaming at night 
Woke up feeling like I was in a dream 
Aesthetic of my life changed overnight 
Couldn't think or focus (I had to quit my job of 7 years) 
Depression 
Constant crying 
Then I woke up one day and didn't not recognize myself
My body felt foreign to me 
My thoughts were SO LOUD
Thought I was going insane 
Not connected to my actions or voice (one of the symptoms I hated most) 
Loss of self 
Watching a movie of my life 
Emotional numbness 
Trapped in head
Stuck in first person view 
Scared of my existence 
Existential terror 
Uncomfortable in body 
2D vision 
Wondering where my thoughts came 
And sooo many more.

And honestly some of my most awful thoughts and symptoms I can't really remember anymore. My DP was faaaar worse then the DR.

But here's what helped my guys! I know lots of this is mega uncomfortable when you are in the thick of it but distraction honesty is key with dpdr. We have to stop the cycle of thoughts. It's so much easier said then done. Guys I was so miserable and the last few months has easily been the worst of my life. You all know how awful dpdr is and I had everything ready to go to a mental hospital. I seriously never thought I'd be able to function normally again. But I was determined this wouldn't beat me. I'm a wife, I plan on being a mother, my life had purpose and I wasn't doing to let this destroy me. I have to much to live for.

Anyways here's what I did that I believed helped-

Find a good therapist you connect with ASAP. (Mine wasn't familiar with dpdr but she's tried to understand and she's helped me manage my dpdr, anxiety and depression.) 
EMDR therapy (seems to be very effective with people with anxiety based dpdr) 
Yoga 
Rubber band trick for negative and intrusive thoughts
If you think you are going crazy go get a mental evaluation. Having a legit person tell you it's just dpdr can be a relief. 
Distractions 
Socializing (YES IT SUCKS but it's a good distraction and it really helps to pull you out of your head) 
Tell someone what you're experiencing! (My husband knew asap what was happening because I was convinced I was going insane and needed him to keep an eye on me. I
Also told my mom, stepdad and my mom in law. I may be lucky to have a good support system but honestly find someone. They'll understand and are so willing to help you and be there for you.) 
Cleaning 
Yard work 
Gardening 
Playing with either my sheep, cats, dogs or chickens helped. (Animals are great you guys) 
Don't be alone! (Again, it's uncomfortable but having someone around even if they left me alone was a big comfort) 
Essential oils (frankincense, & lavender helped my anxiety) 
Being outside in the sunshine 
Going for walks 
Watching tv or scrolling my phone helped a bunch when I was in the thick of it. Nothing could shut off my brain and this was a good distraction 
Only read POSTIVE things about dpdr! Stay away from the negative things! They'll only make it worse. The realable and postive posts helped a lot but once you start to heal I recommend stopping the research. Move on with your life. 
Read books 
Find any distraction you can 
Remember it's just a way for your brain to rest after extreme stress. 
Take vitamins and eat things healthy for body and mind 
Stay away from caffeine. I definitely notice I feel worse when I've had caffeine. 
Try your dang hardest to live a normal life

Like I said I'm not 100% better but I'm getting there. Symptoms don't go away overnight but you'll look back and realize that you're not so scared of your reflection anymore or just you're not analyzing your thoughts and you'll get glimpses of happy and normality. Everyday day gets a little better but they're will be set backs too. Just tell your dpdr that you've got so much to live for and people to live for. Don't let it get the best and just remember it won't last forever. We're stronger then dpdr.


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## 707 (Mar 1, 2017)

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## courtneyk (Apr 20, 2017)

Hey guys, wanted to do a small update. After I wrote this I still felt off but enough I could function and life isn't so awful but dpdr still lingered. However, I had a really really good EMDR session with my therapist yesterday (hope I don't jinx myself) and I feel probably the best I've felt in 4 months. I know I'm not out of this yet but I think the end of the tunnel is near. If you guys can find someone that does EMDR therapy please please give it a try! I've seen it help other dpdr people too! I really think it could help a few of us with recovery!


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## cl1max (Apr 15, 2017)

Congrats on your better well-being. Im doing alright myself. I just wish for the day I feel 100%, forget this shit ever happened, and can drink and relax with my friends again. Take care


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## Lostherheart (Jan 23, 2017)

I'm so happy to read a recovery story


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## XBrave (Oct 28, 2016)

again, someone is talking of EMDR. i should really give therapy a shot.

thanks courtneyk


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## courtneyk (Apr 20, 2017)

cl1max said:


> Congrats on your better well-being. Im doing alright myself. I just wish for the day I feel 100%, forget this shit ever happened, and can drink and relax with my friends again. Take care


That's EXACTLY how I feel. I want that 100% normal life but if we are positive and continue to live life I'm sure we will get there. It gets a bit better all the time! Xoxo


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## courtneyk (Apr 20, 2017)

heyLow said:


> again, someone is talking of EMDR. i should really give therapy a shot.
> 
> thanks courtneyk


You should, you should! It can't hurt and its definitely worth a shot! I really think it's helped me a lot and I'm sure it can help others too


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## Isabelle (Jun 9, 2017)

Hello! I loved your post. Sometimes I feel as though I can get through this and other times I feel so hopeless. I get horrible thoughts of me not recognizing my family or that none of this is real and it's really scarry. I hope I can have a success story like yours! 
-Isabelle


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## Isabelle (Jun 9, 2017)

Hello! I loved your post. Sometimes I feel as though I can get through this and other times I feel so hopeless. I get horrible thoughts of me not recognizing my family or that none of this is real and it's really scarry. I hope I can have a success story like yours! 
-Isabelle


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