# Relationship With Family



## SSJ3Lotokun (Nov 21, 2011)

I had Thanksgiving dinner at my folks place today. First time seeing them in about 6 months. The food was pretty good. Everything else about the experience was bizarre and uncomfortable.

I don't talk to my mom's side of the family, and haven't spoken to my mom in over a year. So my dad and stepmom are really all I have.

We get along well enough I suppose. They are generally good people. It's strange though. There used to be moments where I felt a "bond" with my father, but these days it's like I can't really identify with them at all. I visit them when they invite me, but it's laregly out of a sense of "obligation" more than anything else. We have very little in common. I've felt a stronger personal bond with my small circle of friends (and even a few aquaintences/strangers)than I ever did with my family

Tonight however was especially awkward. All throughout the night they kept refering to my partner with the wrong pronouns rather rudely and unapologetically. It was making both of us incredibly uncomfortable, so we ended up leaving early.

My partner was incredibly upset about this, both their ignorance and her feeling like she "dragged me away" from being with my family. I didn't really feel anything though. I sort of came to the realization that once I moved out, my relationship with my family had become largely superficial, and I honestly didn't see a point in continuing it, unless of course they came around.

Considering the way they reacted to my partner being trans, I feel like they'd probably react similarly to me "coming out" as having depersonalization. I can recall describing these feelings to my dad when I was younger, with him just sort of writing it off as something that didn't need any attention or discussion. And that was back when the family was really going through some hard times.

I certainly don't hate my family. I don't particularly feel anything for them right now. I don't really need them in my life and they probably don't need me in theirs. Is this unnatural?

What about you guys? How do you relate to your family, both in dealing with dp and otherwise?


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Not feeling is normal, that's partly why I don't things with people. I don't feel anything around them. But family, I got my dp from trauma so - I dont hang out with them


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## InfiniteDivine (Aug 9, 2011)

Great post, sorry things didn't work out. I think it's great that even after something like that you don't hold any hatred or deep anger towards you're Dad and stepmom. You know most people in your situation would hold a hateful grudge against their family. That's quite commendable.

I was lucky this thanksgiving, for some reason things just went well. My cousin made a bunch of homemade pumpkin beer and my Dad, brother and I just watched football and talked, it was nice.

As far as my family goes, I guess I could say I was far too lucky in that regard. My parents are both pretty amazing people. I've always been close with my Mom and Dad, though I've always been closest with my mother. However, I will say over the past year of severe DP, I've never felt so distant from them. The close bond that you mentioned in your above post has noticeably diminished. Though I don't fight with my parents, DP has caused this distance that I've never felt before. I find it to be sad sometimes but for the most part I just do my best to keep the bond alive. The other difficulty is the fact that they have no idea, nor could ever know how hard it is for me sometimes. They don't really know about my depression or DP, and they really don't know the degree in which I suffer on a daily basis. This can sometimes lead to feeling like an actor when I visit them. I have many masks I have to wear.

DP has caused me to completely lose connection with my brothers and sisters. Though we live relatively close to one another, I never make the effort to call or connect. Though I want to be a part of their life, again the DP makes it tremendously difficult. I see their missed calls and I never call back, I get invited to see them and I never go. It's frustrating but this is how it goes right now. I can only hope DP isn't forming deep habits that will be difficult to break down the road.


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## Chelsea (Aug 10, 2011)

My parents seem more like strangers to me, and the more they try to bond with me the more I feel the need to distance. When I wasn't on Xanax, I'd shake in front of my front door every time I knew I had to go in. I try to tell myself it's all shit and just go with the flow but it's hard and when I'm not out, I just spend all of the time in my room. It's fd up cause you know you're supposed to feel something and connect to these people and when you don't, you realize something's not right so it makes your anxiety even higher.

I felt like that with my best friends though too in the beginning but I went with it, and it's gone. But I guess you can't really compare parents to friends, at least in my case.


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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

Chelsea said:


> My parents seem more like strangers to me, and the more they try to bond with me the more I feel the need to distance. When I wasn't on Xanax, I'd shake in front of my front door every time I knew I had to go in. I try to tell myself it's all shit and just go with the flow but it's hard and when I'm not out, I just spend all of the time in my room. It's fd up cause you know you're supposed to feel something and connect to these people and when you don't, you realize something's not right so it makes your anxiety even higher.
> 
> I felt like that with my best friends though too in the beginning but I went with it, and it's gone. But I guess you can't really compare parents to friends, at least in my case.


This X10

I could have written your post. Before I got severe anxiety/dp/depression, I was part of my family, a person. Now having DP I feel totally cut off from them and feel like an alien to them. The worst part is I can't put on a front around them for some reason. I can hardly be around them, my sister, mom or dad, because I feel so out of place. The whole thing is f'd up (like you said) as you realize how messed up it is that you can't even connect with your family.

One time I even got a panic attack/dp attack due to this..it was one of the worst days ever.

I'm still struggling with it and wish I could get over it. All I would ask for is to feel DP everywhere else but at home.


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