# DP, depression, or what?



## Guest (Jan 16, 2006)

Ok so I wasn't always like this. I know that at one point i didn't feel this way. I can't pinpoint when it started but i think basically its been gradually getting this way for the last 4 or so years, but now it's just more than i want to deal with. I believe i may be feeling either DP, or some sort of depression, maybe both, or maybe this is all just my personality.

Here's my main issues:
Detachment: Basically i look in the mirror and dont know who i see. It's not me, or anybody else, its just a figure thats kind of there. I'm not really uncomfortable with myself and i dont want to be a different person. It's just somehow unreal. I cant understand how that person in the mirror is me. 
Impassiveness: I have an overall lack of feeling. I have very little emotion and when i do, it's as though i'm subconciously telling myself that it's not real. I fel as though i'm faking everything that i think i feel.
Interaction: I have plenty of friends and i dont have much trouble talking to people, familiar or not. To them i seem normal and i know that but i see my friends with their families or other friends, Boyfriends and girlfriends, and somehow I can never imagine any of that for myself. Like i'm just watching everybody else have a life but i dont have one of my own. That is why certain concepts appear to be very hard to grasp. How is that girl my sister? How are those my parents and why does my girlfriend of more than a year still somehow seem like a stranger? It's like the closer i should be to a person, the more impossible it seems.

There's also some other little things that i think may have something to do with all of this:
-As i said, even though there is something very strange about looking in the mirror, i dont get really weirded out until there is somebody that i know standing next to me and i am looking at myself standing next to another person.
-I have a hard time picturing things in my head. People mainly, i can imagine places i've been to, but it is almost impossible to see a persons face, or my own, when i close my eyes.
-I only remember having dreams about once every couple of months.

So my question is, what does it all sound like? What does it have to do with anything. Thinking about it so much makes it a hell of a lot worse, so i'm pretty anxious to get on with figure out whats up. I'd be happy to hear any suggestions of what to look into.


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## Floozie (Jan 17, 2006)

Hi, I am new to all this. I did not know what was happening to me but had the sense to seek my psychiatrist who explained I had described textbook Depersonilization and Derealiszation. Can this be any more scary? At least when I was really depressed I did not know what was happening to me, I was not aware. Now, well the whold world has changed. I thank God for sites like this and the ability to contact people like yourself, it may just help us all. How is it possible to be okay one day and scared out of your wits the next? How does this all work and is there any real help. I guess this is not really a reply to your posting but I did not know what I was going to write until I started. I will be keeping in touch and hope that some understanding and method of coping will become forth, so far I have just ben offered Valium which helps but knocks me sideways. :?


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## Floozie (Jan 17, 2006)

Hi, I am new to all this. I did not know what was happening to me but had the sense to seek my psychiatrist who explained I had described textbook Depersonilization and Derealiszation. Can this be any more scary? At least when I was really depressed I did not know what was happening to me, I was not aware. Now, well the whold world has changed. I thank God for sites like this and the ability to contact people like yourself, it may just help us all. How is it possible to be okay one day and scared out of your wits the next? How does this all work and is there any real help. I guess this is not really a reply to your posting but I did not know what I was going to write until I started. I will be keeping in touch and hope that some understanding and method of coping will become forth, so far I have just ben offered Valium which helps but knocks me sideways. :?


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## Guest (Jan 17, 2006)

Hello TCoE - our experiences seem quite similar, especially feeling like normal human relationships apply to other people, and very much not recognising yourself in the mirror.



TheColorOfEnergy said:


> -I have a hard time picturing things in my head. People mainly, i can imagine places i've been to, but it is almost impossible to see a persons face, or my own, when i close my eyes.


This struck me, because I've always had a very hard time picturing people's faces (though not other things). Very often when I try to think about someone or visualise them, their face ends up completely twisted beyond all recognition, and I have to kind of grey it out so I can pretend it's them underneath.


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## theatreSpell (Jan 18, 2006)

hi there,

i am very surprised to find a forum on this seeing how i can check of most of the symptoms of DP/DR. i always thought it was a figment of my imagination, but i always hoped to find people like me out there. i am very happy to have found this.

don't despair, IT DOES GO AWAY. i haven't had any of my episodes for 5 years and i am optmistic that it won't come back. i don't know what causes it, reading different websites makes me think that it is some kind of chemical imbalance in the brain. what i found interesting looking at the stats of DP is that out of various drugs, marijuana seems to have the most potential for trigerring it. gotta be careful with that.

change is the best in this state of mind. i don't know whether this is a coincidence but my episodes went away after we moved to a different country half a globe away. i had my first DP/DR episode when i was 12, and the last when i was 16. i tend to think that i've grown out of it. i hope i have. i try not to dwell on it. people like us think too much


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## theatreSpell (Jan 18, 2006)

it's odd, but only now do i realsize how not normal is it to be suicidal at the age of 12, 13, 14, 15.

well, they say it's a 'human condition', that DP[DR people are actually too sane. i think we're just too vulnerable and sensitive.

however bad you feel you must know that you're not alone, i think knowing that makes things so much better. when i had this i used to think that i was the only thing alive on this world and everything else was a product of my mind, nothing was real, parents were strangers, i'd be freaked out at my own reflection in the mirror, thinking - what? i have a body? how can that be? it's impossible! - but no it's possible. i think persons with DP/DR need to reconnect with their bodies. One way of doing that is by doing something completely physically exhausting, push yourself to your physical limit, to feel the connection with your body. i also found that doing repetitive, rhythmic motions helped. it was like being a baby in a cradle. when it rocks repeatedly it puts you to sleep, it calms you down. there is something very reassuring in an ongoing repetive motion, because you feel like it will continue and you can trust it and you realise that yes, there is something stable and comforting in this life. with DP/DR you need to get away from your mind, so do something physical and repetive to feel your body.

i remember when i was like this i didn't know how to help myself i couldn't make sense of this overpowering world and a sudden loss of self. i couldn't reason with self because i was so vulnerable, scared out of my mind and any ability to rationalize with self(non existent self).

it's amazing that we can all understand each other this way. when i try to describe this to normal people they never get me. i can't believe that we can connect this way. it's a scary condition, but it's something special. it's very creative i think.

but again, don't despair, you can get out of it. i have.

i get periods of severe depression now and agoraphobia, but it's ok. i can deal with those. i feel much in control of my life.

don't loose hope.


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## girl_in_the_box (Aug 30, 2006)

i think depression is inevitable with dp/dr. loss of self and surroundings leads to loss of will to exist, which is pure depression, caused by the former. i now have both.


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