# We're F*cked



## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Yup. We're all fucked and we're in denial. Why do I bother writing this? Cuz only you guys can understand how fucked we all are. No one else knows. But we know.


----------



## Tandem (Oct 20, 2011)

For now.


----------



## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

I think we all share this feeling of hopelessness from time to time.

Recovery certainly is a struggle!


----------



## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

Yep we're for now. But that attitude wont help you succeed. But i get moments like these and i think everyone on the board does..


----------



## Angela2006 (Jan 20, 2006)

Yep, we are indeed fucked!


----------



## whatthehell (Jul 27, 2010)

dude, what do you mean we are fucked? I feel fine now. I had this crap for a while and its a shit load better. 
You are wasting everyones time by writing comments like this. If I can get to the point im at, everyone can.


----------



## Walkingzombie (Jul 7, 2011)

I truly wish I didn't agree with you, but I also came to this conclusion as well.


----------



## Chris P Bacon (May 31, 2011)

This place is full of negative tossers, no wonder a lot of you struggle with this for years.


----------



## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

whatthehell said:


> dude, what do you mean we are fucked? I feel fine now. I had this crap for a while and its a shit load better.
> You are wasting everyones time by writing comments like this. If I can get to the point im at, everyone can.


While that is the attitude you need, even if you don't truly believe it. That is absolutely tosh. Just because YOU got to that point does not mean everyone CAN. I'm at a point where I have recovered a lot and am actually starting to enjoy life again. Does that mean everyone can get to my point ? No.

Oh and I'll just like to add just because you are depersonalized does not mean you are doomed forever even if you have this forever. You can still enjoy life if you get on with life and try your hardest to ignore it. In fact dont try, just go along with it. But it goes hand in hand, just because ive made progress does not mean i wont full down again.


----------



## Quarter Pounder (Jun 17, 2011)

Fluke said:


> While that is the attitude you need, even if you don't truly believe it. That is absolutely tosh. Just because YOU got to that point does not mean everyone CAN. I'm at a point where I have recovered a lot and am actually starting to enjoy life again. Does that mean everyone can get to my point ? No.
> 
> Oh and I'll just like to add just because you are depersonalized does not mean you are doomed forever even if you have this forever. You can still enjoy life if you get on with life and try your hardest to ignore it. In fact dont try, just go along with it. But it goes hand in hand, just because ive made progress does not mean i wont full down again.


This.

Also, to OP, yes. Most of us are probably fucked. You know, keeping a possitive attitude WON'T cure you but having a negative attitude WILL make it definitely worse.
The best thing you can do is keep on "surviving" having in mind that things could get better at some point in the future.


----------



## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

I've found accepting that I'm fucked is more therapeutic than most things I've tried.

Before I was always freaking out about this situation... now I'm like.. OK. I hate people trying to act like having a postiive attitude will change this. This is not depression!!!


----------



## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

PhoenixDown said:


> I've found accepting that I'm fucked is more therapeutic than most things I've tried.
> 
> Before I was always freaking out about this situation... now I'm like.. OK. I hate people trying to act like having a postiive attitude will change this. This is not depression!!!


I'll have to agree with you about this... 
Saying "OK" was also one of the best things I could have done. Actively fighting and "recovering" just leads to a lot of disappointment and dead ends. You create your own cock tease, really. Accept that you have DP and try to move on with your life, as shitty as that may be. Do people ever really fully recover? I do not believe that they do. Do people recover in terms of feeling better about their situation and enjoying life again? Sure, I believe that's possible.


----------



## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

I'm done with this website. It's hard to feel better about yourself when people post shit like, "were fucked, its hopeless" etc. Chris is exactly right.

You guys can think what you want, maybe DP will get so bad I won't know what to do, maybe i'll end up going crazy....but one thing for sure is I'm going to try to live the best life I can.


----------



## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

I'm just stating the facts man. Do your research and you find very few people recover. Is it possible, sure.

We're all grasping onto straws here. I feel better acknowledging my situation. I have a super active life and I'm pushing my limits constantly. I'm focused, positive and distracted. But even with that strategy, this is horrible and unbearable.

If you want some positive bullshit go talk to Lowrey... or buy one of the many online scam programs.


----------



## brianjones (Sep 14, 2011)

wheres this research? i read up online that the prognosis is usually good for DP.

On the other hand, I feel that my DP is an existential condition, ie. i cannot find truth in anything, and theres nothing to hold onto , not even the 'self' that has existed for so long, so i feel like im a lot more screwed. once the mind passes certain boundaries, i dont see how it can return.

I feel like the only way I can recover is by either finding some spiritual truth or forgetting about it. I think the latter is almost impossible, but the former is somewhat possible (if i choose to become a zen master)..


----------



## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

PhoenixDown said:


> I'm just stating the facts man. Do your research and you find very few people recover. Is it possible, sure.


I wish this wasn't true.


----------



## whatthehell (Jul 27, 2010)

I don't usually get frustrated with people on this board because for the most part its full of good ideas and people doing what this post claims to be as impossible. That is "recovering". 
First of all, for a site dedicated to "Self Help" you guys should be helping rather than just coming up with some rash statement that we are fucked for life. If thats true, then everyone on here 
that recovered or is feeling fine is full of shit. You are also saying that the way I feel right now isn't really how i feel, because we are fucked and recovery isn't possible. Right?

For the people reading this crap--read my first post-

Here is my story in detail, forgive me for the length.

First, I am a philosophy major. The reason is, I had a major freak out at age 18, on pot, realized I was going to die someday, and since then I have been looking for the "whys". 
Now I am 24. I think I experienced/am experiencing some major DP or something similar to it.

I tried SSRI's a while back for anxiety, which caused me to tune into myself in new way. I was constantly checking in, seeing how these affected me, and if they did at all. 
I ended up checking in so much that it gave me anxiety/ (I also read all the side effects of the medication, which freaked me out). I ended up obsessing over whether 
these meds would make me suicidal or not, since it was a side effect and I started having some weird thoughts about the suicide which caused more anxiety. So pretty much
i just started obsessing. Eventually though, I worked through this anxiety and suicidal feeling, and was ok for like 2 months. During those 2 months I did have one night
when i woke up completely confused as to how I got there. My past and present was jumbled a bit, like i knew why I was in this certain house in this certain city, but it
felt like i was just born with a bunch of memories at that moment. A lot of anxiety was happening too. Weird.

Then out of no where, one night, I was jamming out, and the oddest sensation came over me, which reminded me of when i smoked pot and realized I was going to die, 
kind of a weird depressed/dread feeling that was fleeting. I said to myself, oh man that feeling again? I also realized that everything just looked more vivid at the time,
almost just MORE real. I let it go though, and had no idea about DP or DR at the time. I then had the feeling again while competing in a short film. I was looking at the
cast, and everything just looked like a movie....almost like i was high, but not. I tried to not think about it, and it went away. Eventually, this movie kind of look
was more present, but without any real anxiety attached to it.

Then I moved to a new city. And started a new job. AND BAM!

I was driving and had this awful anxiety after two weeks or my new habitat, and everything felt awful, i felt like i was too aware of being aware (sounds weird right). I also
felt like i was observing myself through myself, instead of just being me. Every moment was a new horror, and I could not believe that I was even alive. It was like I realized
how weird it was to exist and be doing anything or something along those lines.

The earth looked smaller, the sky was lower, and I felt too big. I couldnt understand how people were alive, and although I knew that reality is normal,
it just looked so frightening and terrible. I felt like I was locked into this weird existence and that everything was just sinister, and somehow i woke up
to the "real" reality behind the reality we live in. It was AWFUL. People looked more robot like, and I was thinking about how people are put together etc?
I couldnt understand life. I had all these weird existential thoughts:

Where is the earth?
Why is the earth?
Why do people look the way they do?
What happens when I die?
Why does time feel the way it does?
Where is my concept of time?

Everything was, to be blunt, FUCKED.

I thought I had lost my soul. I thought I had a kundalini awakening. I thought I was going to kill myself if I felt like this any longer.

Now, I am feeling relatively ok now, after about 2 months or horror. I still feel whacked, and my existential thoughts are still around.

Are all these things part of DP? Even the people looking weird like robots, not understanding how anything is alive and the sky and time feeling so abstract and weird?

THANKS for the replies if I get any!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So that is my first post.

I literally feel NONE of that

The sky is fine
People are fine
Time is fine
Night and Day are fine

its all ok.

Anyway, just think about how what you write might affect someone on this board who needs support rather than some weird ass harsh statement about how fucked he or she is. It simply is not true.


----------



## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

whatthehell said:


> I don't usually get frustrated with people on this board because for the most part its full of good ideas and people doing what this post claims to be as impossible. That is "recovering".
> First of all, for a site dedicated to "Self Help" you guys should be helping rather than just coming up with some rash statement that we are fucked for life. If thats true, then everyone on here
> that recovered or is feeling fine is full of shit. You are also saying that the way I feel right now isn't really how i feel, because we are fucked and recovery isn't possible. Right?
> 
> ...


Thanks so much for this post


----------



## whatthehell (Jul 27, 2010)

JayD,

No worries man. I read some of your posts. This DP stuff is weird. I think its primarily a black hole of introspection. Thinking about thinking.
A lot of it for me was taking small things out of context or taking how i feel and over examining it to the point where it lost its meaning.

Stress, anxiety and depression are no doubt contributors to feeling unreal and spaced out because those three things are so foreign to us when they first happen. 
I have had talks with my mother, sister, step bros etc and they have all had this feeling in one form or another and sometimes real frequently but never really let it
grow into what a lot of us have allowed it to.

For people like us, we obsess on ourselves and the whys of how we feel which just makes the disconnection grow larger (at least in our perception).

If you want to move away from this site I got some recommendations for you. Anxietynomore.co.uk. and Claire Weekes books. and just getting out and doing shit.

Literally just say "fuck it" if you have the DP feeling, the chest feeling or whatever.

I still zone out on peoples eyes because that used to freak me out and it still causes a DP feeling, but its just because of obsessing.

In the words of that random guy from "the Water boy" "YOU CAN DUUUU IITTT"


----------



## derkdiggler (Oct 19, 2011)

two years with the derealisation hell and i can tell ya 3/4 of it has been hell, i agree and we all no it doesnt go away guess what WERE FUCKED HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH


----------



## Felicity (Feb 7, 2011)

Nothing is permanent, not even dp. Believing it will never go away is just an excuse to give up. That's okay though, because giving up may be just what you need to do to get help from the universe. It's like alcoholism, the first step towards recovery is acknowledging you have no control.


----------



## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

derkdiggler said:


> two years with the derealisation hell and i can tell ya 3/4 of it has been hell, i agree and we all no it doesnt go away guess what WERE FUCKED HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH


That's funny to you, hey?


----------



## Speechless (Nov 23, 2009)

sigh.. well all I know that you don't go searching for recovery. That is what I figured out. Wheather you recover or not, you shouldn't go searching for it.Also, not everyone is the same. You can't put a timeline on DP because there are a million other factors contributing to DP that everyone does not face at the same time. It is nearly impossible to make the assumption that people don't recover 100 percent. It is up to the recovering person to figure out if they are 100 percent fine.


----------



## SpaceCase (Oct 20, 2011)

Chris P Bacon said:


> This place is full of negative tossers, no wonder a lot of you struggle with this for years.


I'm not a negative tosser! The reason I joined was to talk to people who share the same disorder as me and to talk about how we feel towards the disorder, etc. PhoenixDown probably feels like we're fucked, and that's fine, I feel like that sometimes! But we don't struggle with it for years because we are negative, it's because DP is a very hard disorder to overcome for some people. Others may find it simple to deal with and cure it quickly, while there may be people like me who have suffered for years. Please don't be ignorant. Thank you.


----------



## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

SpaceCase said:


> I'm not a negative tosser! The reason I joined was to talk to people who share the same disorder as me and to talk about how we feel towards the disorder, etc. PhoenixDown probably feels like we're fucked, and that's fine, I feel like that sometimes! But we don't struggle with it for years because we are negative, it's because DP is a very hard disorder to overcome for some people. Others may find it simple to deal with and cure it quickly, while there may be people like me who have suffered for years. Please don't be ignorant. Thank you.


He's not being ignorant, there's just simply no benefit to tell everyone here who are already having a hard time that were all fucked. I've had DP for quite a long time too, hearing that were "fucked" makes me feel like shit.


----------



## SpiderS (Jul 31, 2011)

I'm repeating that "I'm fucked" for the last two years, and unfortunately it's true...


----------



## Guest (Nov 3, 2011)

PhoenixDown said:


> Yup. We're all fucked and we're in denial. Why do I bother writing this? Cuz only you guys can understand how fucked we all are. No one else knows. But we know.


It certainly seems like it. But I believe there are better days ahead. Be patient or something.


----------



## Devon (Oct 28, 2011)

I've read "Feeling Unreal" and there are numerous reported cases of people living with DP/DR their entire lives. There are also many cases where it last 9 months or so. I think it's best to know that it can last indefinetely, but to remain hopeful that it won't and work towards there. For me, even if my entire life is spent DP, it is still better than having no life at all. We're fucked now, but maybe not tomorrow.


----------



## dannyfive (Nov 4, 2011)

yes you are all fucked. get over yourselves dp isnt even real...


----------



## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

dannyfive said:


> yes you are all fucked. get over yourselves dp isnt even real...


Explain how its not real? Im not arguing im just curious


----------



## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

Devon said:


> I've read "Feeling Unreal" and there are numerous reported cases of people living with DP/DR their entire lives. There are also many cases where it last 9 months or so. I think it's best to know that it can last indefinetely, but to remain hopeful that it won't and work towards there. For me, even if my entire life is spent DP, it is still better than having no life at all. We're fucked now, but maybe not tomorrow.


This is pretty much where I sit in my stance toward dp now. Now my efforts in therapy are not to get rid of my dp but to learn to live life with it. Try to move on somehow despite my brain being all messed up and disconnected. :/ What else can you do.


----------



## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

Felicity said:


> Nothing is permanent, not even dp. Believing it will never go away is just an excuse to give up. That's okay though, because giving up may be just what you need to do to get help from the universe. It's like alcoholism, the first step towards recovery is acknowledging you have no control.


Death is permanent. Paralysis is permanent. Losing your left arm is permanent. Getting your head chopped off is semi-permanent. DP CAN be permanent - i think its better to be realistic about the possibility so people dont spend every day of their lives waiting for their recovery that might not ever come. But this is just what I think about it. I understand the need to think this is just a temporary condition and whatnot. 
That being said, although I think it makes us feel much better to think that, I think accepting the possibility that it isn't temporary and to learn how to accept and manage your symptoms and limitations is the best way to figure out how to move on with your life, figure out what you value, what you want, what you don't want, etc. The endless ponderings about what DP is, what it isn't, why it is, why it isn't, although not entirely pointless, haven't led anyone to recovery, besides maybe temporarily feeling better that they may have found some logical reason behind their dissociative issues. I believe that trying to figure out with DP adheres to the OCD component of the disorder. Though I understand its a little hard not to obsess about something you are constantly experiencing, I think its helpful to try to steer away from the obsession and the "figuring it out." I still do it though!!! Easier said than done, like everything else in life...

I still hate DP. I dislike that I have to deal with not having a fully integrated experience of myself and of reality, especially when I can remember what its like to not be this way. But I find more peace with it than I ever have.


----------



## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

nycall21 said:


> Death is permanent. Paralysis is permanent. Losing your left arm is permanent. Getting your head chopped off is semi-permanent. DP CAN be permanent - i think its better to be realistic about the possibility so people dont spend every day of their lives waiting for their recovery that might not ever come. But this is just what I think about it. I understand the need to think this is just a temporary condition and whatnot.
> That being said, although I think it makes us feel much better to think that, I think accepting the possibility that it isn't temporary and to learn how to accept and manage your symptoms and limitations is the best way to figure out how to move on with your life, figure out what you value, what you want, what you don't want, etc. The endless ponderings about what DP is, what it isn't, why it is, why it isn't, although not entirely pointless, haven't led anyone to recovery, besides maybe temporarily feeling better that they may have found some logical reason behind their dissociative issues. I believe that trying to figure out with DP adheres to the OCD component of the disorder. Though I understand its a little hard not to obsess about something you are constantly experiencing, I think its helpful to try to steer away from the obsession and the "figuring it out." I still do it though!!! Easier said than done, like everything else in life...
> 
> I still hate DP. I dislike that I have to deal with not having a fully integrated experience of myself and of reality, especially when I can remember what its like to not be this way. But I find more peace with it than I ever have.


As much as I don't I really do agree fully with this. And if thats the case (that is permanent), it would be comforting to know that theres ways to relieve or lessen the symptoms even if they will not completely go away.


----------



## Quifouett (Sep 13, 2011)

Clonazepam help a little


----------



## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

nycall21 said:


> Death is permanent. Paralysis is permanent. Losing your left arm is permanent. Getting your head chopped off is semi-permanent. DP CAN be permanent - i think its better to be realistic about the possibility so people dont spend every day of their lives waiting for their recovery that might not ever come. But this is just what I think about it. I understand the need to think this is just a temporary condition and whatnot.
> That being said, although I think it makes us feel much better to think that, I think accepting the possibility that it isn't temporary and to learn how to accept and manage your symptoms and limitations is the best way to figure out how to move on with your life, figure out what you value, what you want, what you don't want, etc. The endless ponderings about what DP is, what it isn't, why it is, why it isn't, although not entirely pointless, haven't led anyone to recovery, besides maybe temporarily feeling better that they may have found some logical reason behind their dissociative issues. I believe that trying to figure out with DP adheres to the OCD component of the disorder. Though I understand its a little hard not to obsess about something you are constantly experiencing, I think its helpful to try to steer away from the obsession and the "figuring it out." I still do it though!!! Easier said than done, like everything else in life...
> 
> I still hate DP. I dislike that I have to deal with not having a fully integrated experience of myself and of reality, especially when I can remember what its like to not be this way. But I find more peace with it than I ever have.


Abosultely agree fully with this. I believe that the key to recovery is accepting what you have and accepting that its probably going to take a while before you feel better. For me after 3 months of having it non stop (still have it now non stop) i stopped looking for recovery. I didn't give up hope and still have not. I just didnt see the point in wasting my time on youtube and google, scaring myself senseless looking for recovery. Sadly people 3 years on are still on youtube watching countless of videos on people with DP. Of course we all want to recover, and you can still look for recovery, but worrying and dosing yourself up with every mineral and vitamin under the sun wont help. I just starting getting on with my life and it was the hardest thing i did. Enduring this even today is very hard, sometimes i feel alright, other times it worsens, but theres nothing worse than putting on a fake smile and when i get depressed, it is impossible to put on a fake smile.

MY way and i repeat MY way of dealing with it to date, is accepting i am fucked, but maybe not as fucked as when i first got it. I am fucked for now, but never ever give up hope on recovery, i still believe its possible for me to make a full recovery, but when it comes it comes. As you said nycall, trying to figure it out all the time can only make it worse in my opnion, you are just constantly worrying yourself doing whirlwinds in your head, and its making the brain more tired. Like when people with DP think there memory is giving way, they sit there (I have done this) and try to recall memories from their early childhood, or try to recall what they had for breakfast, and when they can't remember they freak out = anxiety, and this can only bring more dp right or wrong? Well it certainly would not do it any good.

You just have to be brave, whether you're a 15 year old girl, or a 45 year old man. Its upsetting and scary, but for me accepting was the first step towards me feeling better. And then slowly getting on with life. Don't let it rule your life. I think about it a lot even today, how the fuck am i supposed to ignore something thats always there? Very hard but possible in my opinion. This forum is full of expeiences from each and everyone of us and each one has had his/her own experience. This is mine, and this is how i have felt better and more comfotable with living with DP. Just remember by accepting and going with the flow, does not mean you have giving up hope. No one should give up hope. If you give up hope and believe you cant do it then you might as well just give up altogether. Because you dont acheive if you don't believe. Be positive.


----------



## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

Welp, I'm much improved from a year ago when I first came to this site, and there's been setbacks, but overall, yeah, I'd say at least half better. So I think a lot of this comes down to just having patience. It's better to think of improvements over the long term, then day to day. Because you know, day to day things can vary so much, it's just not going to be consistent usually.....


----------



## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

...


----------



## Quifouett (Sep 13, 2011)

Fluke said:


> Abosultely agree fully with this. I believe that the key to recovery is accepting what you have and accepting that its probably going to take a while before you feel better. For me after 3 months of having it non stop (still have it now non stop) i stopped looking for recovery. I didn't give up hope and still have not. I just didnt see the point in wasting my time on youtube and google, scaring myself senseless looking for recovery. Sadly people 3 years on are still on youtube watching countless of videos on people with DP. Of course we all want to recover, and you can still look for recovery, but worrying and dosing yourself up with every mineral and vitamin under the sun wont help. I just starting getting on with my life and it was the hardest thing i did. Enduring this even today is very hard, sometimes i feel alright, other times it worsens, but theres nothing worse than putting on a fake smile and when i get depressed, it is impossible to put on a fake smile.
> 
> MY way and i repeat MY way of dealing with it to date, is accepting i am fucked, but maybe not as fucked as when i first got it. I am fucked for now, but never ever give up hope on recovery, i still believe its possible for me to make a full recovery, but when it comes it comes. As you said nycall, trying to figure it out all the time can only make it worse in my opnion, you are just constantly worrying yourself doing whirlwinds in your head, and its making the brain more tired. Like when people with DP think there memory is giving way, they sit there (I have done this) and try to recall memories from their early childhood, or try to recall what they had for breakfast, and when they can't remember they freak out = anxiety, and this can only bring more dp right or wrong? Well it certainly would not do it any good.
> 
> You just have to be brave, whether you're a 15 year old girl, or a 45 year old man. Its upsetting and scary, but for me accepting was the first step towards me feeling better. And then slowly getting on with life. Don't let it rule your life. I think about it a lot even today, how the fuck am i supposed to ignore something thats always there? Very hard but possible in my opinion. This forum is full of expeiences from each and everyone of us and each one has had his/her own experience. This is mine, and this is how i have felt better and more comfotable with living with DP. Just remember by accepting and going with the flow, does not mean you have giving up hope. No one should give up hope. If you give up hope and believe you cant do it then you might as well just give up altogether. Because you dont acheive if you don't believe. Be positive.


Thanks


----------



## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

Ah well if we are fucked, we know what choices we have









We can sit behind our computer, desperatly hoping that there is a higher power, or we just accept the fact that as soon as our life is close to the end that we will just have to accept the fact that... nvm, we aren't fucked, and even if we are, suppose we just have to live with it.

Greetings,
Don Steffa


----------



## Wallace (Jun 15, 2013)

I have had DP for over 35 years. I'm fucked. Pretty obvious the medical community doesn't know much about this problem.


----------



## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Ironic the dude that started this thread is now recovered as Fuck.


----------



## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/20892-the-holy-grail-of-curing-dpdr/


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Yes I agree with u there we r fucked !!


----------



## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

missjess said:


> Yes I agree with u there we r fucked !!


Yes and no.

It's like drug addiction. Few make it through, but all have the opportunity to. The ones that make it achieve the glory of life on the other side, whilst the rest still stuck in the depths in turn glorify them.

All have the equal opportunity, few have the true ability.


----------



## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

We have a better chance than anyone before us. Imagine if you got DP when there was no internet or ways of communicating on a global scale. Must have been harrowing. You probably would have been sent to the mad house if you went to a doctor with it.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

yosemitedome said:


> Yes and no.
> 
> It's like drug addiction. Few make it through, but all have the opportunity to. The ones that make it achieve the glory of life on the other side, whilst the rest still stuck in the depths in turn glorify them.
> 
> All have the equal opportunity, few have the true ability.


Well unfortunately I have lost hope for myself, I'm not saying other ppl can't recover but I officially give up! 7 years is a long ass time and I don't think these disgusting symptoms of derealization r going to go away


----------



## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

missjess said:


> Well unfortunately I have lost hope for myself, I'm not saying other ppl can't recover but I officially give up! 7 years is a long ass time and I don't think these disgusting symptoms of derealization r going to go away


I've had DP for 9 years.. It's just a side effect of our issues. I highly doubt all your years with DP it was your only problem. Don't give up, try to figure out why you have it!


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

seafoamwaves said:


> I've had DP for 9 years.. It's just a side effect of our issues. I highly doubt all your years with DP it was your only problem. Don't give up, try to figure out why you have it!


Fuk that! 9 years is my cut off limit

Since having this shit I don't wana do anything anymore that's my problem if I can't feel joy or happiness or connect edit I my emotional experiences I've lost the will to live now it's pretty depressing waking up every day with derealization. Good luck with urs but I've already made up my mind


----------



## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

missjess said:


> Fuk that! 9 years is my cut off limit
> 
> Since having this shit I don't wana do anything anymore that's my problem if I can't feel joy or happiness or connect edit I my emotional experiences I've lost the will to live now it's pretty depressing waking up every day with derealization. Good luck with urs but I've already made up my mind


I doubt happiness is the cure to DP anyway, I think it's more about overcoming our fears. I know you're probably afraid of being stuck with DP, but tell me, do you have any other fears?


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

seafoamwaves said:


> I doubt happiness is the cure to DP anyway, I think it's more about overcoming our fears. I know you're probably afraid of being stuck with DP, but tell me, do you have any other fears?


Overcoming fears is fine...but with dp I can't enjoy any fuking moment even if u wanted to because u feel numb all the time and u got derealization blocking out ur senses 24/7 this is not giving me motivation to overcome my fears


----------



## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

I tell you, sometimes I don't even know where to start, but everything's gonna be fine, I think we at least owe ourselves a positive attitude


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Well that's my problem I just don't have a positive attitude anymore


----------



## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

missjess said:


> Well that's my problem I just don't have a positive attitude anymore


I mean, I'm not the most positive dude ever, but I at least try to think of the possibilities of getting out this mess


----------



## rob (Aug 22, 2004)

missjess said:


> Well that's my problem I just don't have a positive attitude anymore


I've had this crap for 40 (yes four-zero) years now ... I've tried to live life ... but ultimately I'm just as fucked as the day this thing first appeared


----------



## Guest (Nov 20, 2013)

The individual who made this thread recovered a few months ago.


----------



## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Antimony said:


> The individual who made this thread recovered a few months ago.


I know, and he was on dire straights too.

I personally feel like it's a pretty tough situation to be in, and pretty fucked. Hell, anyone who got dp from drugs could have HPPD. Trying to figure out if your brain chemistry is out of whack or if you're truly dissociating from trauma. That alone is like 2 years of trial and error. Whilst completely flailing around in the wrong areas.

dire.


----------



## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

Antimony said:


> The individual who made this thread recovered a few months ago.


How ironic lol


----------



## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

rob said:


> I've had this crap for 40 (yes four-zero) years now


What the fuck!


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

rob said:


> I've had this crap for 40 (yes four-zero) years now ... I've tried to live life ... but ultimately I'm just as fucked as the day this thing first appeared


My god 40 god dam years!!!! How ever do u manage?? I couldn't make it past 9....

I feel sorry for u


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

yosemitedome said:


> I know, and he was on dire straights too.
> I personally feel like it's a pretty tough situation to be in, and pretty fucked. Hell, anyone who got dp from drugs could have HPPD. Trying to figure out if your brain chemistry is out of whack or if you're truly dissociating from trauma. That alone is like 2 years of trial and error. Whilst completely flailing around in the wrong areas.
> dire.


You are right....I'm beginning to wonder if I have a form of hppd especially because that is my only symptom .... I'm actually seeing a psychiatrist he is making me see a neurologist to rule out temporal lobe epilepsy and damage. He said he knows of depersonalization disorder but has never heard of anyone only experiencing derealization 24/7 he thinks it's slightly odd...


----------



## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

missjess said:


> You are right....I'm beginning to wonder if I have a form of hppd especially because that is my only symptom .... I'm actually seeing a psychiatrist he is making me see a neurologist to rule out temporal lobe epilepsy and damage. He said he knows of depersonalization disorder but has never heard of anyone only experiencing derealization 24/7 he thinks it's slightly odd...


pure derealisation is pretty much severe depression I think. Everything just looks mundane and boring.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I really don't anymore...


----------



## rob (Aug 22, 2004)

missjess said:


> My god 40 god dam years!!!! How ever do u manage?? I couldn't make it past 9....
> 
> I feel sorry for u


Hey, thanks for your concern. I often feel a little sorry for myself but I guess we all know that feeling.

The thing is though that life is still sweet ... there are a lot of good things that dp cannot steal ..

It's tougher when you're younger and the whole experience is relatively new ... I'm just hoping that my dp will fade into the background once the dementia sets in 

Best of luck and don't take too much notice of that evangelistic pillock Fearless ...


----------



## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

rob said:


> Hey, thanks for your concern. I often feel a little sorry for myself but I guess we all know that feeling.
> 
> The thing is though that life is still sweet ... there are a lot of good things that dp cannot steal ..
> 
> ...


Dont be down homie. I've read multiple recovery stories of 20+ years. I know that's only half of your personal expedience but still, life can come back to you.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

rob said:


> Hey, thanks for your concern. I often feel a little sorry for myself but I guess we all know that feeling.
> 
> The thing is though that life is still sweet ... there are a lot of good things that dp cannot steal ..
> 
> ...


You are lucky u still find joy in life ...I no longer do everything feels the same no matter what im doing so now I prefer to do nothing. Lol dementia ? R u saying u have that too


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

yosemitedome said:


> Dont be down homie. I've read multiple recovery stories of 20+ years. I know that's only half of your personal expedience but still, life can come back to you.


I'm curious to know about those stories...how did they all recover


----------



## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

missjess said:


> I'm curious to know about those stories...how did they all recover


Posted by Magrathea:

Recovery is possible. I know because it happened spontaneously and spectacularly with me. I was, until recently, of the opinion that the condition was not caused by attitudes and habits of the individual, but, after what happened to me I can no longer maintain that position. I now think that in many cases the condition is effectively self-inflicted on subconscious level. Unfortunately, I don't yet have much in the way of advice because I cannot be certain how the hell I recovered or offer it as a procedure for someone else.

Here is what happened to me.

I had dp & dr for over twenty years (since my early twenties) the trigger appeared to drug related, a single unpleasant ecstasy trip that never 'went away'.

In the last few years I had got a lot better almost to the point where I was certain complete recovery was just around the corner - however, it never quite came, though I over time I continued to feel a bit better every single day (odd).

About six months ago I started a new diet regime with the aim of losing some weight. The diet involved complete abstinence from grains, potatoes and refined sugar; replacing the lost calories with animal fats and protein (paleo diet). This diet seemed to produce spectacular benefits to my disposition:

-My sleep patterns changed to become normal (falling asleep naturally and easily before 11pm and waking up at about six. This sort of sleep pattern was alien territory for me, since a child I have a lot of trouble maintaining normal sleep patterns, often staying up until the early morning hours because sleep before then was not a practical option.

-My energy levels went through the roof, I was able to concentrate far more easily, and I was waking up feeling refreshed and competent. This again was alien territory for me, as I would before very often wake up feeling worse than when I had gone to bed!

-My dp - dr seemed to be improving - it was again gradual, but now it seemed to be faster than before, I was reconnecting internally with all the states and impressions I recalled from my past. While doing something, I would often simply stop and realise I had just grabbed another long forgotten atmosphere or feeling I was receiving from my environment. The things I was grabbing were becoming more and more subtle and complete as time went on.

About eight weeks ago I had a series of panic attacks over a weekend. Now, since I have had dp - dr (twenty years ago) I have had about four or five of these unpleasant experiences. So I was having panic attacks about once every five years or so. This one seemed to be a bit more prolonged than previous episodes I have had before and struck me (as they usually do) in the morning or on awaking in the middle of the night. The panic attack lasted about three hours; I had made a special effort to time it. It was horrible, but by the end of the episode, I was kind of 'playing' with it. This may be just coincidence, but it seemed the less I tried to avoid the waves of fear and confusion the less they affected me. I recovered and made a mental note of what had happened so I might use it again in five years or so when I had another episode. I didn't have to wait that long.

The trouble with describing what happened next, is that I can't be sure how much of it was real and how much of it occurred in a dream-like, semi-waking state. For convenience, I will describe what I felt was happening at the time. I awoke again the next morning at about 4am (it was dark) and nothing in my head made the slightest bit of sense, I was having a panic attack, but there seemed to be more piled on me this time. I was sure I was conscious, but for the life of me no part of my life made any sense. I am a developer and I recall ruminating (or trying to) over the projects I was involved in and everything seemed to be literally inside out, Despite trying I could not bring anything at all into a focus that made the sligtest sense. The fear washed over me, I was fully conscious (as far as I could tell) but I had no grip at all on my reality. I assumed that I had developed some kind of serious mental disorder and ran through scenarios of my future with this problem. I felt, in my present state, even getting help was going to be difficult. I was certain that I was facing a total and complete failure of my life. It was horrible and it went on and on for what felt like hours. Then gradually I began to gain control of this and told myself, that whatever is happening, it is extremely unlikely I had gone completely barmy overnight! Then something spectacular happened. I could feel all the confusion melting away, bit by bit bits of my job and my life started making sense again. I gradually realised the way I had been visualising things was a distortion and I started to feel my grip returning. It was at that point that something happened in my mind that I cannot describe adequately at all. It was like I was lying on a bed staring at ceiling that changed into a gigantic office blind (the horizontal slat type). The slats in the blind were turned slowly, and blinding light filled my entire brain. I was no longer panicking, I felt calm and in control - and in this calm, detached state I spontaneously began to engage in some kind of life review. It felt like I had instant, easy, objective access to everything in my life and certain experiences seemed to be highlighted naturally. All of a sudden a giant pattern became apparent. I pulled (metaphorically) on one experience and others of similar nature come into focus as if I had pulled on a thread. I realised that I had an issue that had been plaguing me since I was a child. I had been rejected by nearly everyone except family, that I liked or respected, since about the age of 8 or so. It felt like all sorts of buried material came to surface; father issues, rejection etc; and that I had buried this stuff in order to please my father, but that what I had done had turned into a lying reflex that was hurting me.

The next day, although I had hardly any sleep at all, I went into work and felt better than I had felt in years. It seemed to me that my dp had entirely gone. I had some lingering dr, but that was very, very mild and not at all a problem. Over the next couple of weeks even the lingering dr started to fade away to nothing. Everything thing now feels different, but the trouble is I only know that intellectually, because everything just feels *normal* and I now have trouble visualising what dp felt like to do a proper comparison.

As you can see, there is little I can offer in terms of advice apart from the diet because everything that happened to me seemed to be spontaneous.

My theory:
My dp was caused by internal buried conflicts. The diet I changed to aided my ability to deal with the issues. It didn't cure me, it merely gave me the strength to confront the issues when the opportunity (the panic attacks) arose
Sorry the post is so long. I do hope it's worth the effort of reading.


----------



## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Another, 7 years like you:

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/32351-i-had-dpdr-for-7-years-im-back-to-normal/#entry313334


----------



## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

And a few more I can't find. One really good one by a user that had it like 25 years and recovered.

Search around.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

24/7 derealization does feel like I've lost my soul tho...why the fuk I still have this shit for. I'm over this bullshit I rlly am, I'm not lazy, I'm not a victim I'm just fuking exhausted, demotivated and convinced it's never going to go the fuk away no matter what I do.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Well it deff feels like part of my soul has died throughout this long 7 years that's a fact, I'm not other people who can accept this shit I just can't. It feels like it's fuking stuck like glue & won't lift. It's not as if I haven't worked my ass off in trying to solve this shit I fuking have & I'm tired & totally lost hope. I already told my family I want them to take me to a suicide clinic I'm fuking done with this bullshit.


----------



## Guest (Dec 21, 2013)

Yeah we're fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Thank you.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

bienapflstreet said:


> Yeah we're fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Thank you.


Lol...


----------



## Guest (Dec 22, 2013)

missjess said:


> Lol...


I apologize missjess, I didn't read what you wrote before me and was drunk when I posted it. Though it does seem at the moment that our lives have been forever changed for the worse, I don't think either you or I should give up hope just yet. I hope that I can have the kind of strength you have had for the past 7 years in fighting this devastating disorder. I've only had this for 3 months now and I'm already so tired of fighting. I have read some of your past posts and I can only begin to understand what you are going through as my case is less severe than yours, so the fact you've been surviving for 7 years gives me hope. On a less serious note, Im in awe of your ability to maintain such good looks through all this. I've already let myself go and look like shit after such a short time. Haha It's hard to describe how difficult living in this condition is and I hold the deepest sympathy for everyone suffering with us, but we must believe there is a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel. I know Im not the only one who looks to fighters like you for inspiration in this daily battle.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

bienapflstreet said:


> I apologize missjess, I didn't read what you wrote before me and was drunk when I posted it. Though it does seem at the moment that our lives have been forever changed for the worse, I don't think either you or I should give up hope just yet. I hope that I can have the kind of strength you have had for the past 7 years in fighting this devastating disorder. I've only had this for 3 months now and I'm already so tired of fighting. I have read some of your past posts and I can only begin to understand what you are going through as my case is less severe than yours, so the fact you've been surviving for 7 years gives me hope. On a less serious note, Im in awe of your ability to maintain such good looks through all this. I've already let myself go and look like shit after such a short time. Haha It's hard to describe how difficult living in this condition is and I hold the deepest sympathy for everyone suffering with us, but we must believe there is a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel. I know Im not the only one who looks to fighters like you for inspiration in this daily battle.


Well thanks but my strength has been getting weaker lately  ....lol keeping my looks in tact ? I recently started exercising again but I deff don't look as good as when I did before I had dp I took care of myself a lot better back then because things had purpose and meaning. And I could get rewarded by things and ppl...now in this state I can't


----------



## Parrie (Dec 22, 2013)

missjess said:


> I recently started exercising again


How have you managed to do this? I keep telling myself I need to go back to a gym, but I have a hard time just getting out to walk in the park, the experience is usually so unpleasant. I tried going to a gym about a year ago, to join, but was overwhelmed with negative feelings about the way they all looked and sounded, I ended up feeling nauseaus, also, for me, the old motivation to look good and feel healthy is gone, because nothing feels good or has any point any more, so........... how have you made yourself start exercising again?

....and, is it helping at all?


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Parrie said:


> How have you managed to do this? I keep telling myself I need to go back to a gym, but I have a hard time just getting out to walk in the park, the experience is usually so unpleasant. I tried going to a gym about a year ago, to join, but was overwhelmed with negative feelings about the way they all looked and sounded, I ended up feeling nauseaus, also, for me, the old motivation to look good and feel healthy is gone, because nothing feels good or has any point any more, so........... how have you made yourself start exercising again?
> 
> ....and, is it helping at all?


You poor thing...well I exercise at home I've been to the gym on occasions but I can't be bothered spending the money on it...ur dp sounds like it changes in intensity mine doesn't it don't matter where I am I always feel the same...I guess it's not like it used to be 4 years ago and it is manageable now but I still feel like shit..

I dunno I was just looking at my body in the mirror and I felt disgusted so I started exercising again...ur right tho nothing feels good anymore and everything seems pointless with dp but I just do it


----------



## Parrie (Dec 22, 2013)

missjess said:


> .ur dp sounds like it changes in intensity mine doesn't it don't matter where I am I always feel the same...
> 
> I was just looking at my body in the mirror and I felt disgusted


It sounds like yours changes in intensity sometimes too, or that you feel bad (worse) at times. It was good that your negative feeling motivated you to do something positive, that sounds like 'progress' to me.

But then again there's another line of thought that says we should learn to accept ourselves the way we are.


----------



## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

dont know why but i laughed my fucking ass off while reading through this thread


----------

