# Something is going on with me



## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Something is going on in my brain lately, and I am freaking out. After 11 months with dp/dr, I am officially starting to fear psychosis like it's the plague. I feel like my brain is clogged up if that make's any sense. I am afraid of losing it. I am afraid of becoming delusional. I feel like I'm slipping away. I feel like ....is this it? Am I dying even before i turn 20 on Feb 15? Something is going on with my brain and I am panicking.
I sent a text to someone yesterday saying, "I feel like someone who's blacked out, but is still fighting for consciousness."

Is dissociation dangerous? Is dissociation the sign of something even worse approaching later ahead? I don't even know anymore.


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## Guest (Jan 5, 2011)

insaticiable said:


> Something is going on in my brain lately, and I am freaking out. After 11 months with dp/dr, I am officially starting to fear psychosis like it's the plague. I feel like my brain is clogged up if that make's any sense. I am afraid of losing it. I am afraid of becoming delusional. I feel like I'm slipping away. I feel like ....is this it? Am I dying even before i turn 20 on Feb 15? Something is going on with my brain and I am panicking.
> I sent a text to someone yesterday saying, "I feel like someone who's blacked out, but is still fighting for consciousness."
> 
> Is dissociation dangerous? Is dissociation the sign of something even worse approaching later ahead? I don't even know anymore.


i totally understand how you are feeling. i feel the exact same way but honestly... this is beyond words. i dont think people get the severity of how we feel. its not even explainable. im still pretty irrational at times, but im rational enough to know that you nor i am dying. this is just some intense disassociation. i hope you feel better


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

guitarpwner said:


> i totally understand how you are feeling. i feel the exact same way but honestly... this is beyond words. i dont think people get the severity of how we feel. its not even explainable. im still pretty irrational at times, but im rational enough to know that you nor i am dying. this is just some intense disassociation. i hope you feel better


Thanks =/


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## kaitlyn_b (Jun 9, 2010)

Hi insaticiable. I suffered for 8 mos horribly, and I can tell you that I experienced every one of those thoughts. I still do some but its now easier to ignore and forget. In April when it first hit, I was suicidal badly. I wanted to die and continuously thought "is this really all I have to look forward to?" I had horrible visual disturbances just the way it looks when someone flashes a bright light in your eyes and the residual remains. I felt that 24/7. Now its more or less a light pressure in the back of my eyes. Nothing brought back emotion...and I didn't connect to the world around me. Now I feel ocd or ptsd type thoughts and that's the only thing holding me back. Try to retrain your thoughts. Even when you think it, stop yourself and say this is anxiety..I'm fine and immediately focus your attention elsewhere. Take deep breathes, distract yourself and let go. It sllllllowly gets easier as time goes by


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

I feel like the same thing that happened back in February 2010 is happening again, but in another form. I feel like I am losing my mind, I don't know what's going on. I was fine till Saturday (3 days ago). I feel like I am yelling for my mom and she walks in and then walks out. I feel like I am talking to my psychiatrist, trying to articulate what is happening to me, and he is only staring at me back. I feel like I am screaming and pounding on doors, but no one can hear me. Help, help, help, help, help, but nothing comes out of my mouth. Freaking out.


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## kaitlyn_b (Jun 9, 2010)

Insaticiable I know its hard to see past the pain, but this sounds like classic anxiety. The fear of losing control and nothing bringing relief. Please keep trudging. You will eventually feel better. I went to 4 different psychiatrists, 2 GP's, 2 therapists, an ear nose and throat specialist, and endo doc and nobody brought me relief like when I let it go to God and put my recovery in his hands. I feel great today. Please keep pushing thru the day. You will feel better soon


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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

...


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

j4mtj said:


> Can you identify anything that happened on Saturday that may have triggered this?


Not really. I had a pretty relaxing Saturday. Got dressed up and went out to dinner with my parents, had a good time. Upon returning home, I started calling/texting different people to see if they wanted to hang out, but no one was available, and then I got extremely depressed. A couple min later, I noticed my DR intensified x 10000000, and I was contemplating whether or not to drink some alcohol to get some relief. I decided not to. Anyways, ever since Monday, I have been feeling like my head is completely clogged up, like I can't interpret/understand/make sense of anything going on around me....something is going on with my brain, and I have no clue what it is, but it's making me panic really bad. I thought I was doing well a couple days before New Years, nothing like this. I am hoping/praying to God to go back to my normal level of DP/DR.


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## natebookd (Jan 2, 2011)

insaticiable said:


> I was contemplating whether or not to drink some alcohol to get some relief.


Yea don't do that..I just quit drinking this summer after a few years of total alcoholism because of this.
It is not easy to fall into complete madness, it is really easy to fall into alcoholism though if you start self medicating with it because it is so effective in the short term.


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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

...


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

j4mtj said:


> I wonder if it was this that triggered you?
> I found that something very simple will sometimes trigger my DP. In fact I was out of sorts yesterday, not quite DP but definitely uncomfortable. When I analyzed it in the evening I determined it was from an email I got in the morning which seemed to be a bit critical of me. I had an 'aha' moment and then I returned back to normal. Amazing what little it can take sometimes to throw us off equilibrium.


Well unfortunately, I haven't had my ''aha'' moment yet. I am thinking this is dissociation to the extreme. I feel like...you know when your ears get clogged after swimming or being underwater in the shower for too long? That's how I feel...except it's my head. My head feels clogged. I don't know any other way to describe it. I also feel like I'm ''losing my vision.''


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

clogged up, like I can't interpret/understand/make sense of anything going on around me...

That is EXACTLY how I feel too.


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