# Hi. I'm really scared.



## Skilliz (Mar 10, 2006)

I just read about Depersonalization/Derealization on Wikipedia, and I feel exactly like it. Textbook example, pretty much. I'm 14 and male and I live with parents who don't believe the disorder exists. I could pass a reality test.. I'm aware of these horrible feelings but I don't know how to make them go away. I don't use any illegal drugs.

I guess I'll start with the things that stick out the most to me:

I have what I like to call "double self"; I feel like there is one version of me that I'm always second guessing and that's the one on Earth, the one planted in reality. I'm watching him from above, through a grainy screen. I tell him what to do and how to feel, and the feed from the video is growing fuzzier an fuzzier.

Also, I feel a bizzare realization when I look in the mirror, like I'm seeing my real self for the first time. If I look straight into my own eyes, I stop thinking for a minute. I feel tranquil. I look away, and the chaos sets back in.

The most painful of my problems is this constant feeling of physical anxiety. I'm always nervous and scared. The reality around me and the bleak darkness in my head are completely on different scales of existence; everything around me is disturbing noise and someone's playing it to make me angry. I feel constantly lightheaded, and I can't focus, or think any complex thoughts. Everything is irritating. I can't find silence, or peace, because everything is so alien to me. Everyone makes me angry except for my girlfriend. Everything sounds bleak to me. I can't enjoy music/movies, because it's just more horrible noise attacking me. I can't read. I can't keep a sentence going for long.

I can't socialize because when I'm in a group, I get dizzy and dissassociated. Everything becomes a blur, a wall of noise/colors. I feel alone.

Someone please tell me how I can help myself. Or who to go to, because I feel like giving up.

Thank you for reading this.


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

you sound like you got a textbook case alright. your parents are wrong this disorder does indead exist. you need to go see a doctor who probley will refer you to a shrink. this disorder usually doesent go away on its own but it can be managed with the proper medication and thearapy. as far as your parents go there are still some people who believe schizophrenia doesent exist so dont pay attension to them. anyway best of luck on getting help.


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## Guest (Mar 14, 2006)

:wink: well I am the same as you and mine started when I was 12 and in junior high and I never knew what is was until this summer when I finally saw the right doctor who told me I have DP, good luck to you and remember your not alone 
-Roxy


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