# First time to experience DP last night



## Babs (Dec 26, 2010)

I just want to share my story. I experienced my first episode of DP last night. I had no idea there was even a word for this until I started searching the internet for my symptoms. So glad I came across this site because sharing my experience will help me deal with what was the most frightening experience of my entire life.

First of all I know exactly why I experienced DP. I have had the flu this past week and really struggled with it. By the time I thought I was getting better I became terribly ill again and it turns out I now have a sinus infection. On Christmas Eve I went to the doctor and he prescribed an antibiotic and I started taking it that evening. I had a long day of not feeling well and having too much to do before bed. I finally went to bed around 1 a.m. but never really went to sleep that night. Everytime I dozed off I would wake up coughing or being very congested. If I slept at all, I would say I had a combined total of about 30 minutes of very light sleep. No REM sleep whatsoever. To the best of my knowledge, in all my 32 years I have never gone an entire night without sleep like that.

With the next day being Christmas - needless to say it was a very eventful day. I was out of decongestant/antihistmine for my sinuses so my mom gave me some Actifed to take home to help me sleep and help my sinuses. That evening I went to bed at 9 p.m.

This is when my DP began. 2 hours later I woke up (because of congestion and coughing) but I had to lay there in bed and figure out if I was actually awake or not. My first thoughts were that I was outside my house floating in the air. I knew it was nighttime. But I was trying to 'get back in my body'. I knew something felt weird. But then I couldn't figure out how to do that - how to 'get in my body'. And I also didn't know if I was supposed to be ME or not. I didn't know who I was!!!! I kept asking myself who am I?? I know I'm laying in a bed and I need to wake up (although I felt like I was outside my house in the sky). But who am I supposed to be when I wake up? I thought of several people I know and I wondered if I was an angel, or if someone had died and I was in spirit. But I needed a body. But whose body? Because who am I? Then I kept repeating my name to myself in my head like I was trying to convince myself that I was me...but I didn't feel like me. I didn't know what ME was supposed to feel like.

So I sat up in bed and looked in the mirror on my dresser. Didn't have my contacts in and couldn't see well, but I knew that I saw a reflection in the mirror. That's what I'm supposed to look like...but am I really here? I looked down at my hands and it felt like I was looking at someone else's hands. All the while I still felt outside of my body, like I was watching myself. I'm trying to piece things together and I'm starting to really panic. I wanted this feeling of confusion to end! But I felt so helpless!

I somehow knew that my husband was in the next room on the computer. I walked in there and told him I didn't feel good. At this point I feel like my entire body is numb and tingly and my mouth is super dry. I keep talking to him explaining how I felt like I was dying. I start to analyze and try to rationalize what is happening to me. I thought that the Actifed and antibiotic I took were giving me a bad reaction and that I was about to die from it. I told him to call an ambulance or the doctor and get help!

The entire time I was talking to my husband I could hear my voice but it sounded weird like my voice wasn't coming from my body. I also did not feel in control of my talking. Like it was someone else talking. Every moment that passed by seemed to be slipping from my memory and I felt so detached from reality. I was sure that I was having a panic attack or some kind of nervous brakedown. I was so scared that I was shaking all over. I just wanted this feeling of being out of my body and out of control to end!! My husband remained calm and listened to me and held me close - he knew I was okay but didn't really understand what was going on with me. He told me he would call my mom. I thought, okay she will know what to do.

He called her and she immediately realized what was happening to me...that my lack of sleep had caused me to wake up disoriented. She talked to me in her soothing mom-voice and told me to take deep breaths and let them out really slowly. I did this several times and then my husband brought me a glass of water and I took a few sips. Gradually I began to come back down to earth so to speak. I started getting a true sense of mind-body connection and reality. Oh I was so embarrassed!!! And so relieved that it was all over!

Apparently the lack of sleep and waking up in the middle of a really good sleep, caused me to get my wires crossed in my brain. It's almost like I was not fully awake yet and my level of awareness was altered. But definitely an episode of depersonalization. The worst part was the feeling like I might be dying. That was just so scary!!! And the feeling of not knowing who I was ...that was completely bizzare. I hope this never happens again.


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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

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## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

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