# I keep "resetting"



## Aleks_ (May 13, 2016)

Please excuse me if I miss some stuff out, phrase things poorly or mis spell some words as I really just feel drained and empty right now. I have had "this" for almost 2 months now. At knowing I had DP scared me but I felt comforted knowing I wasn't alone as my symptoms perfectly matched everyone else. What happened was for 4 days I literally didn't experience anymore than 30 seconds a day of both DP or Dr... I was convinced I was cured and was so happy. Nothing out of the ordinary happened but almost like I fell Into a "trans" or state of hypnosis - I remember looking around to fast and suddenly feeling lost. But not the kind of lost I felt before, this time truly. I felt like I as a human being had been reset, I couldn't comprehend who "I" was or where I was, and normally I could cope quite well will just talking to myself but at this moment I never felt un connected with myself. From then on I tried living my life as normal as I wasn't going to let it win, but every time I would look in the mirror I could of sworn it wasn't me, I was convinced the people around me were fake, I still couldn't understand who I was and everything felt fake and more dream like then ever. I keep loosing my self at random time and completely resetting and feeling like I have been placed into the shoes of a new human being for the first time. I literally I have no idea whats going. With the standard DP and DR I could deal with because when having these episodic moments I couldn't so closely relate to "reality" as it felt like I only just left so I could easily convince myself that what I was feeling wasn't real. But now I can even remember what reality looks or feels like. I can't keep resenting, I dont feel real, nothing around me feels real, I don't feel like me. So many feelings I can't comprehend no truly express. Im so scared, I was brave at first and still am being. But this just got serious and I just want some answers. Im scared to go to sleep as when I went to sleep a few nights ago I was consciously sleeping, I could here my surroundings and new I was sleeping, I had to mentally battle myself to get awake and when I did I could hardly breathe. I dont see how I could go back to normal as I feel like Im so far in now, I cant possibly forget this feeling and surely if I can remember this feeling it will forever attach it's self to me. I'd say for 99% of the day Im not scared of it, its only at the moments as said before where I feel like I "reset" that I get a swift moment of panic, but I keep it inside, I never let it get the best of me and freak out, I dont understand why this isn't getting better, I don't sit around all day feeling sorry for myself or thinking about it and I also do stuff thats good for me like socialise, talk and do school work. I dunno what I what answers to as my dad has told me a million times "I don't have the magic wand to make this all go away" but if anyone at all can relate to how Im feeling or has specific coping strategy and some how does have that "magic wand" haha, please just comment below, I've never felt so isolated from everything yet I tell myself a million times nothings really changed. The people I love and that want to support me Im scared to spend long around because looking at peoples faces "spin me out" as I like to refer to it, they don't look real and that makes me questions everything being real or not. Its hard to explain but I feel like Im really in a game, a movie, a dream. I've heard a all but this is just down right feeling like Im in hell, stuck on a reset loop, please help, I really want my life back.. somehow :/


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## Aleks_ (May 13, 2016)

I found our more information about my "resetting" sensation. According to the National Health Service (NHS) its called dissociative amnesia and closely ties in with DP. So I can only imagine other people on the site are experiencing it as well and trust me I know how bad it is.

If you want to find out more about this just click here and scroll down a little

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/dissociative-disorders/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Also here

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/dissociative-amnesia

Remember if you are experiencing this just like everything else to with DP don't obsess over it and it will get better. I promise.


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## Zed (Jul 25, 2015)

TheHope said:


> I found our more information about my "resetting" sensation. According to the National Health Service (NHS) its called dissociative amnesia and closely ties in with DP. So I can only imagine other people on the site are experiencing it as well and trust me I know how bad it is.
> 
> If you want to find out more about this just click here and scroll down a little
> 
> ...


To be honest your experiences sound more like to dissociative identity disorder, particularly when you talked about the experiences of 'resetting' and feeling like a new person.

I'd look for a good dissociation aware psychologist and start from there. For something so profound, I doubt whether just trying to forget about it will really cut the mustard...


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## dpsucks (Sep 7, 2012)

I think I might know what you mean by this or I might be experiencing something somewhat similar. I might be wrong though. I know what Im thinking of cant be dissociative amnesia because I never forget where I was, where I am, or who I am. The feeling I get though is that my "form of existence" has changed. Its very hard to explain but it feels like I was "somewhere else" for awhile then came back or something. Very hard to explain. Its like I live in a completely different way for awhile, then become aware of it and then when I feel more "normal" it feels like my way of existing changed completely. Its very strange.


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## Zed (Jul 25, 2015)

dpsucks said:


> I think I might know what you mean by this or I might be experiencing something somewhat similar. I might be wrong though. I know what Im thinking of cant be dissociative amnesia because I never forget where I was, where I am, or who I am. The feeling I get though is that my "form of existence" has changed. Its very hard to explain but it feels like I was "somewhere else" for awhile then came back or something. Very hard to explain. Its like I live in a completely different way for awhile, then become aware of it and then when I feel more "normal" it feels like my way of existing changed completely. Its very strange.


It might be worthwhile reading up on some literature on DID and DDNOS and visiting some sites to see if you can relate to other people descriptions of how they feel. This is all much easier to deal with when you know what's going on.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Not so much anymore, but earlier I did have alot of those 'reset' episodes, where i felt like i was starting from scratch again. Not sure how to explain it, but it was like pushing a button, boom! Now past is forgotten, and i will do the things i want to do, be what i want to be. Like a second chance kind of thing. I dunno, sounds messed up when i think about it. Not a big issue anymore though.


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