# Manipulation & abuse



## Guest (Dec 21, 2004)

I think I cant think clearly. I think I cant concentrate. And I think that's how people like it.

My blood pressure is up. My stress is high. I feel negative and tense and depressed. I feel powerless and stupid and paranoid and highly frustrated.

I have been threatened and warned to stay in line and behave and contribute and not irritate or infuriate or distract anyone. My Mother distracted, and pressured and acted according to will and thoughtless decisions for my whole life... I am co-operating, trying my best... and trying to "do" well and get well. I am highly stressed, trying to "cope" with PTSD family rejection and autism... alone. I think trouble-makers and hypocrites should fess up... it's like a set up against the mentally ill. It's clear that I'm extremily wobbly and fragile right now, and that I'm trying my damned best... everyone here knows that I'm kind and very fragile. It's clear, that I am considered to be a Schizophrenic. I have been told to smarten up, and chill out numerous times. It is clear that my stress from abuse is monumental and that I have zero power.

I am a highly highly manipulated person... it is my allergy. I think that I am NOT ignoring anyone. But I often am absolutely IGNORED and completely voiceless as was the "want" of my family. I have deep rage. I dont pretend to be any better than anyone. I also have a heart condition.. and it's nearly christmas... What's the point of DEMANDING, AND DEMANDING AND THREATENING AND THREATENING me with banning and trying to control my behaviour if the deal doesn't go TWO WAYS this is wrong. This is abuse. This is deliberate manipulation and hatred. No-one here is serious about supporting anyone. This is a set up, this is manipulation and trying to make me devestated highly emotional trapped worthless and suicidal. This is hypocrisy and an attempt to induce voicelessness paranoia and a mental breakdown into a hysterical outburst and psychiatric ward admission. This is wrong. This is indulgent manipulation and wilfullness. It's crazy

I'd like to know the *REASON* for putting me under extreme pressure (You know who you are).

Love always,
Ghost (I tried my best, but obviously you have a vested interest in mentally de-stabilising people)


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

ghost you cant demand sympathy. it doesnt work that way. if you really want to be here than you have to follow the rules. unfortunately you havent. that is no ones fault but your own. no one is trying to harm you. everything that has happened to you has been self inflicted. i think that as a whole this community has tried their damndest to accept and embrace you sociopathy and all.. but you make is so extremely hard. you have to get it through your head that you cant manipulate other people and that everytime you try.. you just push them further away. i can see that you are trying but your need to lash out and squeeze every ounce of sympathy that you can out of us always seems to get the better of your posts. you keep forgetting that all of us here are ill and trying to cope with our own sh!t as well. you are not the only humpty-dumpty this site is full of nothing but shattered humpty-dumpty's and we are doing our best to help put each other together dispite being shattered ourselves.

get over yourself. i mean.. seriously. try to see beyond the realm of your own existance. AND PLEASE.. dont confuse that with patronizing analisis of that persons internal mechanisms because ill tell you something right now.. 99% of your analisis are WAYYY WAYYY OFF. :lol: at least when you pick me apart.. you are totally off. i cant speak for anyone else though perhaps someone else can chime in... but its true. and im saying this whilst prostrating myself before you with olive leaf extended. 

no one is "out to get you" here ghost. there may be jabs at you here and there but if youre going to dish it out you gotta learn to take it as well. trust me i know! :lol:

one last thing... you are not in control of this place. rev is. and he does a damn fine job and he deserves props. i wouldnt want his job taking care of us wild chickens and he does it out of the kindness of his heart. he may have banned you but hey! you broke the rules! get over it. he didnt have to let you back in ya know. hes a good guy and he deserves our respect. besides i dont want to lose this place and the only reason we get it is because of rev and revsarah. he could have and should have given you the perma boot. if i were him.. i would have. but hes giving you another chance and displaying an abundance of patience while you moan and groan about your 'unfair treatment'. which by the way is getting really OLD. take the advice you are being given and CHILL.

to be honest ghost.. i would like you to stay. but that is really in your hands. think about it ok?


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## Guest (Dec 21, 2004)

sleepingbeauty said:


> ghost you cant demand sympathy. it doesnt work that way. if you really want to be here than you have to follow the rules. unfortunately you havent. that is no ones fault but your own. no one is trying to harm you. everything that has happened to you has been self inflicted. i think that as a whole this community has tried their damndest to accept and embrace you sociopathy and all.. but you make is so extremely hard. you have to get it through your head that you cant manipulate other people and that everytime you try.. you just push them further away. i can see that you are trying but your need to lash out and squeeze every ounce of sympathy that you can out of us always seems to get the better of your posts. you keep forgetting that all of us here are ill and trying to cope with our own sh!t as well. you are not the only humpty-dumpty this site is full of nothing but shattered humpty-dumpty's and we are doing our best to help put each other together dispite being shattered ourselves.
> 
> get over yourself. i mean.. seriously. try to see beyond the realm of your own existance. AND PLEASE.. dont confuse that with patronizing analisis of that persons internal mechanisms because ill tell you something right now.. 99% of your analisis are WAYYY WAYYY OFF. :lol: at least when you pick me apart.. you are totally off. i cant speak for anyone else though perhaps someone else can chime in... but its true. and im saying this whilst prostrating myself before you with olive leaf extended.
> 
> ...


Thankyou Sleeping beauty, for your support and love and sympathy. I guess I'm trying. But it's hard with all my problems. I guess I over-react. I know this is a good place full of support. I am sensitive I guess.

I have people analyse ME incorrectly all the time too, and it hurts. I'm trying my best to co-operate and fit in. I guess my sociopathy and Schizophrenia must wane on people.

I bite my tongue alot and I'm trying.

I just didn't like it when someone accessed my account, and changed my signature and location to read something different. It was almost as if someone was trying to provoke my anger, even though I was trying my best.
I was writing and contributing very well today, but it took me by surprise that someone would want to try to upset and manipulate me by accessing my account and changing my details. I guess many of the people here would react in a similar fashion. It felt disrespectful and it's made me give up on trying my best, which makes a simple joke devestating in my fragile state. I keep getting cornered here, like I'm up against a wall being punished for something undefined. I have a fragile mentality and emotional state. I am in trouble alot everywhere I go, I just need a break. I try quite often to support others and offer emotional boosts but I cant ever be re-paid. I know it's all my fault. But I have severe anger, and can only bite my tongue "so" hard if people manipulate my account.

I'm sorry sleeping beauty. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

hurt my feelings?? oh lord. :roll: no that has not happened. not by you anyways.  there are some rude f#ckers on this site that have in the past but i make good useage of a baseball bat and pillow to take care of that and then im fine. :twisted:

if in fact someone has screwed with your account and they are not a site administrator (im not sure if the mods can do that or would for that matter) but if some average member has done that then they are totally in the wrong and you are right to be pissed but if you want it rectified then go right to rev. dont tell us about it cause telling us isnt going to get it resolved. there is nothing we can do only revelation can help you. you may not be on the best terms with him but that can change if you really want it to. i can see that you are trying and that is good. the point is not to get overly comfortable in here like it is your own livingroom cause its not its someone elses so we always should at least... PRETEND to be on our best behavior. i know its very hard. i have my own boundaries that i tend to cross and sometimes i just cant help it.. but i still am aware of the rules so i do my best to stay within them at least 80% of the time. its the effort that really counts. everyone especially the administrators and mods are very forgiving if you do try to make the effort.

i can see that you are doing that.. and that is wonderful. :wink:


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## Revelation_old (Aug 9, 2004)

Only I can modify account details. Mods cannot (at this point).

Ghost, change your forum password if you're worried about someone accessing your stuff. I doubt this has occurred as I see nothing in the logs but your IP.

Anyway, change your password. No one can see it, (not even myself) it is encrypted in the database.


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## Guest (Dec 21, 2004)

Revelation said:


> Only I can modify account details. Mods cannot (at this point).
> 
> Ghost, change your forum password if you're worried about someone accessing your stuff. I doubt this has occurred as I see nothing in the logs but your IP.
> 
> Anyway, change your password. No one can see it, (not even myself) it is encrypted in the database.


Are you saying my "internet provider" is changing my details???
That's a big conspiracy.
Nah... my confusion isn't THAT dense Revelation.

But y'know... who knows. Coulda been delusion... but wow... internet "fugue" or something "I no complain"...

I'll leave my password.  If it wasn't accessed by anyone except ME and my internet provider... then there's no "need" to change.  If it happens in the future I'll "know" that it's "Kate in a fugue state" or my nasty IP. (Fugue = dissociation into another personality where you lose time.)

That's put my mind to rest. It was ME or my IP, no fear, narrows it down to 2 people... should be easier not to freak out next time


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## Revelation_old (Aug 9, 2004)

o.....k


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## Guest (Dec 21, 2004)

Revelation said:


> o.....k


? What I'm trying not to be paranoid.

I know I'm dumb. I'd rather be "blind" and dumb rather that act too smart and get banded.

I listened to what you wrote. My account changed, and only me and my IP had touched it. 
Which means only kate changed it or He did.

I didn't though. No-one likes others touching their things... Am I still sociopathic, or Schizophrenic... or is it "mega dumb" now... I couldn't really "see" anything in what you wrote, other than saying I changed it myself 

If you read another post I did this morning, it says that I get very big adrenaline rushesand endorphin rushes to counter huge stress and panic. I've got it now, so I'm writing without clarity and my depression has been confused by this huge swelling boisterous pressuring adrenaline in my head - you should try it, you'll never take an anti-depressant ever again.
Makes me act retarded though... because I'm too high, and too elevated. When I come back this afternoon, I'll "see" this post with correct perceptions and cringe in horror from the screen. But my happy brain behaviour is an "in the moment" thing I cant see past it.
G


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