# New here - bloody worried, concerned, upset.



## ianknight (Dec 7, 2006)

So I guess some background?

When I was 12 I experienced my first panick attack - I thought I was having a heart attack. I spent 6 weeks, while waiting to see a cardiologist (after being emitted to emerge) worrying about it. After that it was my brain - was I having a stroke? My eyes - was I going blind? When I entered highschool it stopped. I never worry about my body anymore - those thoughts still enter my head, but I don't give them credit.

One day, in the ninth grade, I watched the local news - a boy had been stabbed 32 times by his older brother. I immediately began worrying about whether or not I was capable of that, would I one day snap and hurt someone, a family member? Frightening stuff. That lasted for a few weeks and subsided, I cannot recall how or what the process was.

This year, my final year, we were covering the issue of mental health in a writing class and a document chronicling a young lady's experience with schizophrenia was handed out - I had another panick attack, and began obsessing over whether or not I was going crazy.

It has been a little over a month now, and I think I am experiencing feelings of DP - with the whole Schizophrenia worry I questioned (in my head) what was real, was life just like that movie "A Beautiful Mind"? I had feelings of derealization, being disconnected, in the "third person", and feeling as though people I talked with were flat or unreal (Which was so troubling, I cannot begin to explain).

Lately, this past week or two, I cant stop thinking about how weird it is to feel "me". My body seems strange, I feel like a spectator in a giant movie. Sometimes it goes away (often when I'm deeply engrossed in something, or when I'm with people and interacting). Other times it's always present. Sometimes it feels strange to be "in my own body", kind of like I want to be viewing myself outside my own skin.

What is this? Sound like DP? I'll be seeing a psych about it sometime soon - when I get a date from my GP. I've always been a bit of a worrier - but I can't help feeling "this way".

Sorry 'bout the length, I'm terribly long-winded.


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