# Recovered after five years



## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

Hello

I first joined this forum in 2015 while i was in the worst of it and was suffering from severe dpdr and had lots of visual disturbances, i have felt pretty good for quite a while but finally i feel like i can say that i am recovered. My Dpdr was brought on by severe anxiety and panic attacks and my weed use probably contributed to my symptoms but i do believe that for me the main culprit was anxiety and the panic attacks.

I cannot definitely say the exact moment i felt recovered because i managed to get myself into a place where i was barely thinking about my condition, one day i just thought that those issues that pretty much ruined my life 5 years ago have been gone for a while now. I still struggle with anxiety and still have some issues to work through but the dpdr symptoms are completely gone, i was originally thinking about what a party i will have when i am recovered and that i will feel amazing but the truth is that i just feel normal and life feels normal again. My symptoms were as follows.

-Visual disturbances

-cognitive difficulties\blank mind

-depersonalization and derealization

-constantly obsessing about my condition and if i will ever feel normal again

For me my recovery was very gradual and was barely noticeable and had a lot of setbacks during the 5 years i was suffering, i think the key that finally made me go over that last hurdle was simply accepting the condition and started living life, the constant obsessing about my condition and the fact that i was constantly checking the intensity of the symptoms was the main reason the condition stayed so long with me, when i finally accepted it and stopped monitoring the symptoms i gradually started to feel better until the symptoms were gone. I realize that not everyone's experience is the same and the same methods wont work for everyone but i still felt the need to share what helped me and also would like to give hope to the people currently suffering, especially for the ones who have suffered for years like i did , i am still very thankful for all the support i got during the toughest times by the amazing people of this community even though they were also sufferers they did not hesitate to help others who were struggling and i am very grateful for that. If anyone has any questions to ask i will gladly answer them.

Marduk


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## RunToMe (May 30, 2019)

you felt emotions besides anxiety and panic attacks ?


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

RunToMe said:


> you felt emotions besides anxiety and panic attacks ?


When i was in the worst of it i had bad emotional numbness with occasional panic, anxiety and feelings of anger and bitterness because of my situation. all positive feelings and the emotional connection to my enviroment and people was completely gone, you could literally have killed a puppy in front of me and it would not have sparked any feelings. Symptoms like that are very common with dpdr and when the symptoms start to subside so does the numbness.


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## badsidejoe (Dec 8, 2019)

What about existential thoughts and obsessions? Did you have them and have they left?


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

badsidejoe said:


> What about existential thoughts and obsessions? Did you have them and have they left?


 This never was a significant problem for me i had existential thoughts during my first few months but managed to shake it of fairly quickly. But these also tend to subside as you get better.


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

congrats make im glad


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## nestor1917 (Feb 3, 2020)

Which visual disturbances did you have?


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

nestor1917 said:


> Which visual disturbances did you have?


blurry vision, static vision with afterimages light sensitivity and slight double vision from bright objects, still have slight double vision if i am tired but its mostly gone


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## nestor1917 (Feb 3, 2020)

marduk said:


> blurry vision, static vision with afterimages light sensitivity and slight double vision from bright objects, still have slight double vision if i am tired but its mostly gone


Oh,have the afterimages gone?


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

nestor1917 said:


> Oh,have the afterimages gone?


To be honest i am not completely sure if i only noticed the afterimages because i was obsessing about them but they did seem to be strong at first now i rarely notice them at all so i would classify that as a yes. Negative afterimages to some degree is completely normal and it is quite often reported with dpdr as quite common. all dpdr related symptoms tend to lessen and eventually disappear as you start to feel better.


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## Findyourself1997 (Aug 6, 2020)

Did u recover from eye floater or did u see any people who recovered from eye floaters ?


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## mkeshish (Nov 26, 2011)

What you said about obsessing over how you feel is exactly what I feel is holding me back. Even when I have good days I’ll sometimes sabotage by thinking “am I ok?” “How do I feel”. Was it hard to let go? What helped you stop checking in?


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

mkeshish said:


> What you said about obsessing over how you feel is exactly what I feel is holding me back. Even when I have good days I'll sometimes sabotage by thinking "am I ok?" "How do I feel". Was it hard to let go? What helped you stop checking in?


I don't know if this will help mkeshish, but the law of substitution says that you cannot not think of a pink elephant, but you can think of something else (like a multicolored aardvark)

Start imagining how it might be to feel how you want to feel, like, "what if?" And run with it


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

Findyourself1997 said:


> Did u recover from eye floater or did u see any people who recovered from eye floaters ?


I did see floaters mostly because of me obsessing about my vision, now i rarely notice them.


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## freeyourself (Aug 10, 2018)

Yesss, so glad to hear it! I am completely cured too, and my gosh, it is worth pushing yourself and proving to yourself that you CAN overcome the silly intrusive thoughts that your limbic emotional brain sends your way. DPDR is an illusion, and falls away once you take recovery into your own hands.


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

mkeshish said:


> What you said about obsessing over how you feel is exactly what I feel is holding me back. Even when I have good days I'll sometimes sabotage by thinking "am I ok?" "How do I feel". Was it hard to let go? What helped you stop checking in?


You sound exactly like i was for quite a long time even though i had periods were i felt pretty good i sabotaged myself by monitoring myself and started to look for symptoms which only made me feel more spaced out. I finally stopped caring after getting used to the symptoms, i started dating and studying and started to immerse myself in other stuff, for most of my five years i was constantly obsessing how i feel. Only when i accepted them and also accepted the fact that this will probably stay with me for a long time i started to think about other things til one day i just realized that i havent noticed any symptoms for a while. Its both very easy and very difficult at the same time, i am sure you get there eventually!


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

marduk said:


> Hello
> 
> I first joined this forum in 2015 while i was in the worst of it and was suffering from severe dpdr and had lots of visual disturbances, i have felt pretty good for quite a while but finally i feel like i can say that i am recovered. My Dpdr was brought on by severe anxiety and panic attacks and my weed use probably contributed to my symptoms but i do believe that for me the main culprit was anxiety and the panic attacks.
> I cannot definitely say the exact moment i felt recovered because i managed to get myself into a place where i was barely thinking about my condition, one day i just thought that those issues that pretty much ruined my life 5 years ago have been gone for a while now. I still struggle with anxiety and still have some issues to work through but the dpdr symptoms are completely gone, i was originally thinking about what a party i will have when i am recovered and that i will feel amazing but the truth is that i just feel normal and life feels normal again. My symptoms were as follows.
> ...


had you have dpd or dpdr as symptom of anxiety?


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

leminaseri said:


> had you have dpd or dpdr as symptom of anxiety?


I believe it was anxiety related for me but I still had dp and dr chronically for five years.


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

marduk said:


> I believe it was anxiety related for me but I still had dp and dr chronically for five years.


mine is unfortunately not anxiety based.. i have no hope to overcome this.. i dont even know what my issue is..


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

leminaseri said:


> mine is unfortunately not anxiety based.. i have no hope to overcome this.. i dont even know what my issue is..


I also thought it could not possibly be caused by anxiety, i experienced symptons still while completely relaxed and not anxious. It as a long process, still dpdr can be triggered by many different things and even if your is not anxiety based it doesnt mean there isnt something that will work for you.


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

marduk said:


> I also thought it could not possibly be caused by anxiety, i experienced symptons still while completely relaxed and not anxious. It as a long process, still dpdr can be triggered by many different things and even if your is not anxiety based it doesnt mean there isnt something that will work for you.


thank you for your hopeful advices.. i have very big problems with irritability.. i get angry so fast and that makes me feel so insane


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## Janez (Nov 22, 2021)

Are you sure that visual disturbances you had aren’t connected with hppd? Are they gone now?


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## axelandradobre (Nov 4, 2021)

I have one question.. when you are 100% recovered, is it 100% as it was before dp dr ? Because I am nearly fully recovered, but if I eat sweets or if I find myself doing something stressful, I feel a little bit of confusion, not as before, but there is still some confusion and some sensations that I get, like a little bit of dizziness or the feeling that I can t concentrate properly. Do you eat whatever you want whenever you want without having any of those feelings back, not even 1%? Also, when you are stressed, these sensations do not come back?


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

axelandradobre said:


> I have one question.. when you are 100% recovered, is it 100% as it was before dp dr ? Because I am nearly fully recovered, but if I eat sweets or if I find myself doing something stressful, I feel a little bit of confusion, not as before, but there is still some confusion and some sensations that I get, like a little bit of dizziness or the feeling that I can t concentrate properly. Do you eat whatever you want whenever you want without having any of those feelings back, not even 1%? Also, when you are stressed, these sensations do not come back?


In my experience the self monitoring and fear about the symptoms is the main thing that is upholding the condition. But i will answer your question honestly. Yes you will feel completely back to normal and life will feel real again, sometimes when i have had a lot of anxiety i might feel some of the symptoms slightly but those pass quickly when i dont fight the sensations.


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