# At the end



## MrFedUp (Aug 11, 2016)

I haven't come here for self pity, or to argue, I feel I need to write to everyone of you brace people for your strength of living with DP/DR.

I have now felt "Drunk" / brain damaged / no short term memory / extremely spaced out and out of my body for 2 straight years. Over 700 days of feeling like that without any relief. I look fine to everyone , but am clumsy, have the cognitive functioning of a 3 year old and can't complete a simple task anymore. It's like I'm wearing a VR headset whilst on my 10th shot of vodka

I have tried many medications, many approaches with a CBT therapist and nothing just nothing works.

I have lost all hope of ever recovering now , nothing triggers it nothing makes it better or worse. It's just a 24/7 life of hell feeling mentally impaired and I can't do it anymore.

I think I will be checking in to a hospital, as I can not take this anymore , I don't understand how people who have had it for longer than me are still coping. Your stronger than me. I'm scared if I don't check myself in something will happen to me.

I've tried my best to live a normal life with it, but my old life is gone now and I accept that.

I won't be on here now for a long time I guess, and when / if I do come back on it'll be when I'm out of hospital or wherever I end up , I need to get well and my current approach does not work.

Keep fighting guys , I've tried but hit the end


----------



## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

I Just wanted to say that yeah, we've all Been there. Nothing works and nothing changes it. My point is it can and Will change with time and New habits.

Wish you the best of luck and hope to hear from you again


----------



## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I had an EEG when I was 17. I was sure I was brain damaged. Since I was only 17, the neurologist consulted with my mother, who was a GED educated Nurses Aid. I can only guess what he told her, but she told me my EEG was "normal with one lead off". I asked her to explain, and she could only beg me not to avail myself of (expensive) psychiatric treatment.

40 years of seizures and major depressive episodes, dp/dr, ocular migraines, head tremor, bouts of OCD, intense deja vu, and other psychiatric symptoms, I consulted with a neurologist for an MRI and EEG. The MRI was fairly normal for someone in the mid 50s, but the EEG was significantly not normal. I asked the neurologist....do I have one lead off? She replied in

the affirmative. "Is that lead to my dominant temporal lobe?" Yes, she replied. It took many years for me to diagnose myself with symptoms of epilepsy and dysfunction in my dominant temporal lobe. The internet was helpful in my research. I found a similar case in a British medical journal and gained more relevant facts from British Neurological journals. I knew

I could not be the only one. It was unbelievably empowering to solve the riddle of my mental illness. I was no longer at the treatment whims of lazy/ignorant mental health doctors and psychologists. If you think you are brain damaged, get an EEG. I had ECT in 2013, and after 40 years of suffering, I'm alive again.


----------



## HopingCat36 (Jun 17, 2017)

forestx5 said:


> I had an EEG when I was 17. I was sure I was brain damaged. Since I was only 17, the neurologist consulted with my mother, who was a GED educated Nurses Aid. I can only guess what he told her, but she told me my EEG was "normal with one lead off". I asked her to explain, and she could only beg me not to avail myself of (expensive) psychiatric treatment.
> 40 years of seizures and major depressive episodes, dp/dr, ocular migraines, head tremor, bouts of OCD, intense deja vu, and other psychiatric symptoms, I consulted with a neurologist for an MRI and EEG. The MRI was fairly normal for someone in the mid 50s, but the EEG was significantly not normal. I asked the neurologist....do I have one lead off? She replied in
> the affirmative. "Is that lead to my dominant temporal lobe?" Yes, she replied. It took many years for me to diagnose myself with symptoms of epilepsy and dysfunction in my dominant temporal lobe. The internet was helpful in my research. I found a similar case in a British medical journal and gained more relevant facts from British Neurological journals. I knew
> I could not be the only one. It was unbelievably empowering to solve the riddle of my mental illness. I was no longer at the treatment whims of lazy/ignorant mental health doctors and psychologists. If you think you are brain damaged, get an EEG. I had ECT in 2013, and after 40 years of suffering, I'm alive again.


Is there a happy ending to this story? Like you no longer have Dp because the seizure was the cause? Or the seizure medication helped with this hell? I hope so!


----------



## M1k3y (Sep 19, 2016)

idk dog, idk what ur symptoms r but i say get a job, itll make time pass, u say u cant do stuff, but if u have a job u have to do stuff

and i say get a job bcus u gotta keep living, itll take some pressure off the dp, cus ur worried about the job, but thats a way to escape the dp


----------



## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

@HappyCat36. Thanks for the well wishes. My DR resolved by itself in the 1st year of my illness. I had existential depression which took some years to abate. I did not resonate with my image in the mirror. I still don't, but it may be because I am looking for a 17 year old's image, and finding a 62 year old man. LOL.

I had noticeable clicking and popping in my ears for more than 20 years. It has subsided. My head tremor was noticeable. It is less so. I don't have multiple deja vu sensations any longer. I don't stare off in the middle of conversations. My ocular migraines are less frequent. My last depressive episode was 2013, and it was resolved with ECT. I honestly do not believe

I will have another. I survived 4 in my lifetime, and each was an epic struggle for survival. I once went basically sleepless for 52 days. They say that is impossible, but I know what sleep is, and I know I wasn't experiencing it. I would lose 30lbs of weight due to anxiety and loss of appetite. Chewing food would make me nauseous.

I could have committed suicide and saved myself a lot of suffering. I chose not to do that. I was rewarded unexpectedly with a reprieve from my symptoms. My panic spells (mild temporal lobe seizures) stopped after I began taking SSRIs (paxil) in the early 1990s. During a major depressive episode, I might take Seroquel for insomnia, and klonpin for anxiety.

I currently take Lexapro as my only psychiatric medication. I have no side effects from it. I think the game changer was having ECT in 2013. I had 10 or so grand mal seizures induced at my local VA medical center. They reset my brain and alleviated my depression. I have been feeling great now for 4 years.

.


----------



## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

You will get better eventually my man. It might not be fully, at least not for the foreseeable future, but I am confident we can all achieve a level of decent livability with manageable/low-grade symptoms if we continually pursue treatment. I can't count the number of times I've hit that wall myself and so I think you're doing the right thing by letting yourself fall onto that soft spot where you can at least feel safe and be looked after. The only reason I haven't gone for that myself is the depressing, out-of-pocket expense associated with American healthcare, but with the NHS in the UK I'd say knock yourself out. Wishing you all the luck in the world.


----------

