# years later I'm still looking for answers



## anotherme (Oct 7, 2019)

Hi,

I started experiencing depersonalization symptoms when I was 17. It was triggered by an LSD trip. I started having a distorted sense of time, I thought I was dead and just didn't feel like myself. I was hospitalized and misdiagnosed with other dissociative disorders. From when I was about 18 - 30 I suppressed the feelings DP. I always knew something was wrong but I chose to ignore it. I went to school and am now in school again. Lately I have become more aware of the DP symptoms. When I speak and move it doesn't feel like me. I am also having what I can only describe as panic attacks. I feel numb. My head is always rushing. All these feelings are overwhelming and have lead to depression. I dream that I can just wake up one morning ad have these feelings go away but I know it is not that simple. Lately I am working on accepting the feelings and this is helping. It helps too, to have come to understand that I am not the only one who experiences this. I feel like my soul is outside my body and that I just want in to be back in place so I can feel normal.

I hope this website can help guide me through the process of recovery and remind me i am not alone.

Thanks for your your support


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## Newchie97 (Sep 11, 2016)

There’s a large section dedicated to recovery stories here, and there are some long term cases as well that have seen remission in symptoms or have learned to cope with them in a healthy way/see them improve to a certain amount I’m glad we can help you feel less alone . You can beat it!!!!


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I was 17 too. Lost my emotions, personality, developed agoraphobia etc, etc. 40 years of panic attacks and depression later, I had an EEG. Ooops! Those weren't panic attacks. I was epileptic.

Maybe you should get an EEG, just to be safe. I had ECT in 2014, and I woke up to being as close to 17 as I ever will be again.


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## Omnismorss (Jun 28, 2015)

forestx5 said:


> I was 17 too. Lost my emotions, personality, developed agoraphobia etc, etc. 40 years of panic attacks and depression later, I had an EEG. Ooops! Those weren't panic attacks. I was epileptic.
> Maybe you should get an EEG, just to be safe. I had ECT in 2014, and I woke up to being as close to 17 as I ever will be again.


 do you use ane kind of medication? After you ect have you followed some kind of treatment?


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## Omnismorss (Jun 28, 2015)

Btw we all feel like this man we need to find our answers, i had my first onsight of dp out of the blue watching tv no panic attacks no weed nothing it just begun in 2009 i felt strange for s weekend and then boom it begins to get stranger and stranger AND THEN the panick attacks begun i was bad for like 5 months then i moved to my brothers house on the beach passed a year after the first panic attack i started to feel good and the dp was only unberable in the times where i was depressed i believe in my case both are conected so this was in 2009-2010 and then i bought my first computer (always loved but was too poor to have one) and for 4more years i was dp free until 2015 where i was working too much studyng too much playing too much games and sleeping almost nothing and the stress build a depression depression build anxiety anxyety build dp and on top of that i had a surgery and in the surgery i had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics that almost killed me so there goes one more year of hell but in 2016 whit the help of family and friends i was better again until like 1 month ago where i had a panic attack and the dp/dr cycle began again but in my case i think is related to stress and depression it got me even tough i do not want to admit


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## BHeaton (Oct 12, 2019)

Soo this is my first post on here. And ironically I feel like I won't be popular here. But my cure was really simply... For me... Personally... (Haha, yes I talk like that unironically) just becoming Christian. All these labels of mental health are just that labels in the end. Not saying labels don't carry meaning but yeah.. Feeling lost? Feeling existential madness? Feeling extremely emotional numbness? It's normal. Don't make such a big deal about it. Just reconnect again. Message me *edit* [email protected] and add me on Facebook. We can make this "personal" ! Only on here because I genuinely care. But I have my limits.. And seriously if I have spent over a decade understanding DDD and have a lot of medical and psychological and theological knowledge and can't make one comment after reading posts for hours on end and get censored I will accept it as that's generally what happens to me.  

Anyway someone message me and have a chat. I'd love to help someone. I only ended up here because of an investigation of the pineal gland and all that opening third eye chakra stuff and if it related to dissociation experiences and people were talking about on here and thought they correlated (seeing as mention of people saying they watch themselves) *shrugs* although I read an article so long ago that actually thinks its the other way around so I'm not sure..? Not that I'm Buddhist but I try to understand a lot of things.. Man who knows. Apparently it releases DMT so people start imagining ghosts or spirit guides and it's scary stories zzz.

Message me friends! *edit:tried the bhuddist stuff turns out it was total bullshit haha*


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I was on SSRIs for 25 years before having ECT. After the ECT I continued on Escitalopram / Lexapro, which I had been taking for a year or two prior. Prior to Lexapro, I had been on Effexor

for more than a decade, and Paxil for about the same length of time. I preferred Lexapro because I felt no side effects in taking it. A few years after the ECT (2014), I decided to taper off and

quit the Lexapro. I had discontinued SSRIs in the past, with very negative results. Why would I try again? Well, I felt something had fundamentally changed following the ECT. I felt normal

for the 1st time in 40 years, and I was no longer afraid to be without the meds. So I quit, and never looked back. I had no negative results, as I had in prior discontinuation of meds.

I don't see a psych anymore, which is fine. They were no help to me in understanding my illness. They didn't understand it themselves. They just attempted to treat it.


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