# the Requiem factor



## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

_This is loosely connected to DP/DR itself, and since I am not certain if I have DP/DR, this makes it have even moore loose connection. But I understand that since DP/DR is both, a product and a producer, this will become interesting for some people that, like me, extract satisfaction from misery... or at least, they maintain such an illusion.

I am writing using an example myself. It may be useful to see "the self-achknowledgement thing"._

What is the "Requiem factor"? The brieaf answer would be: "When was the last time you enjoyed sorrow?"...

Happyness is a different thing than satisfaction.

Freud said that happyness is the (preferably sudden) satisfaction of needs. And as a "need", we mean anything that is desirable: "I need to drive this car", "I need to talk to her", etc.

Yet there are satisfactions that exist only because of mistaken opinions.

But there are no wrong opinions, there are only the opinions that we have. The opinions that makes us the people we are. The choises that we make. And usually, we behave like stupid "black boxes", and we resist to recieve new elements... as if the initial ones (elements) were recieved have to be correct "by definition". Bullshit! The (my) human brain is lazy and just doesn't want to reconsider opinions. The older the opinion, the greater the resistance to reconsider.

In my opinion (yes, yet another "opinion"), narcisism is the case behind enjoying sorrow. How? When you feel wronged and mistaken, then... self-achknowledgement comes... unavoidably. And no! I don't think that the possibility of this, beeing, in fact, a coping mechanism that converts our pain into "pleasure".

Could, however, this, be a thurst for sentiments? I have thought of that: "I need so badly to feel alive that even sorrow would be something better than this... emptyness". I don't have the answer.

How do we bring ourselves infront of the "happyness of sorrow"? A lack of self-confidence, a need to feel important, a family that gives a lot, or not at all, of those two elements, or an enviroment that makes it so easy for us... The result? We form directives that drive us

to enjoy, or even seek sorrow in order to trigger the injustice-sentiment and gives us pleasure by saying things to us like: "you are not responsible for this", "you suffer", "you deserve more". Yet... If we manage to fully understand all the things that this sorrow involves, we will feel really stupid that seeked (or reaquested) for something like this. We will understand that our lives are more important that the image of the "wronged person that deserved more" that we try to satisfy.

Maybe this the key... That we want to feel that we deserver more.

I admit that a significant part of the literature I have created till today (no, nothing important, like 80% of the population does) is about sorrow. And I understand that a significant part of the global, and much-respected, literature is about sorrow.. And I mean really-respected writers. Is this a global phenomenon? Am I wrong, and it is good for people to feel like this? Or.. It is because these writers want to make us, the audience, understand that we are so goddamn (I know, I am beeing westernized, but how am I going to become scrutable) lucky to have our little-borring lives, instead of what the novel's hero is going through. And maybe this is the awe and respect that the audience is paying to those writers. [Of cource, it could be that the writer is in fact trying to assign adventures and guns with the bad results, but that's the moral goals of the writer, but that's another discussion]

Ending this note, I would like to make clear that people who have alike thoughts are not that few... I mean... as we think we are. How many times have you seen a sad end, and enjoyed it more than a happy one? You see, till some point, the "Requiem factor" is an element of maturity... because not all things in life end in a good way (a.k.a. "happy end"), and thus it is necessary to accept it as reality. I don't know if, the fact of feeling --in a way-- good with sad things, is a coping mechanism against the "cruel reality" ("cruel world"), or an acceptance of the things happening around us... But I think that, to request a movie/novel to act like this is an outcome of it.

Here is two relative (I think) stories:
- The soundtrack and storyline of "Requiem for a dream"
- The soundtrack and storyline of "Max Payne 2: the fall of Max Payne"

god... who writes this stuff? 

No, seriously... it would be a hellua ("a hell lot") more interesting talking such things in person. I guess I am unlucky, because the only person I can talk things like this is (I think that he will be in possition to do so) the shrink I will visit inside this month. And still don't know what he will say. I don't forget that he is a professional. It's good that there is this board, although I fear that I am using it in an undue way.


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

Up front I'll admit I skimmed your post a bit (blame it on the ADD). I agree with the concept of enjoying sorrow. I thoroughly enjoy sorrow and use it as an escape from DP, depression, anxiety, insecurities, etc. The music I listen to, books I read, movies I watch, are often always sad.

In my mind melancholy is a kind of escape from reality as it is (either harsh, or boring, or cruel) and allows me to feel something where I would normally feel nothing. It is a kind of priviledge to take upon yourself a feeling of sadness because it does make you feel more important. It makes you feel more sensitive and perceptive and in some ways more alive. I would rather feel this than feel nothing. It softens the impact of everyday existence for me.


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

Thank you Scattered for your reply. Since I recieved no replies, I thought that I was the only one 

Do you think that it would be useful to dispose these thoughts and replace them with optimistic ones? I, sometimes, think of that.

I am going a bit off-topic...

I have recently learned about the existance of ADD, and I may be close to that. I have found a relative forum (don't if it's proper saying which one) as well and I will try posting my thoughts there.

I don't want to maintain fraud hopes that I will manage to get a diagnosis (and therapy) in ADD in the place where I live. No way. These things happen only in US, UK, Australia, and other big countries.

PS: does (some) music and films get you exceedingly inspired and motivated to create?


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

I think most people will tell you to think positively, dispose of all negative thoughts and replace them with optimism. I have a very hard time when I try to do this. Optimism for the sake of optimism seems false and shallow to me. There are far too many injustices, and suffering occuring in the world today for me to keep an unrestrained opitimistic attitude. That being said I also don't want to be depressed or in a state of constant despair.

Sorrow for me is a state of being somewhere between optimism and extreme pessimism. I never feel depressed or hopeless when I experience sorrow. For me its more like an emotional release that relieves me of pent up frustration, anger, and confusion. It also seems to be the most rational response to the world we're living in today.

Better to understand that the world is full of suffering and injustice and feel sorrow then to try to delude yourself into thinking the world is a fair and happy place. In my mind this delusion will eventually be shown to be false and you'll be much worse off for believing in it. By putting all your heart into this idea you'll be left without any support whatsoever when you find it to be false.

As for ADD, I've never been diagnosed or treated for it and I believe it is mostly caused by my DP, anxiety, and my obsessive thinking. Its extremely difficultg for me to focus on any one task or idea without quickly moving on to another thought.


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

A couple of weeks ago I felt really depressed one night due to the constant feeling of fear that was overriding my other emotions. I was lying in bed feeling sorrow for myself and felt like giving up but in that sorrow was also some comfort for I felt so much 'in my skin' which was a million times better than feeling fear and DP/DR.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

When we feel sorrow at the ending of a movie or a play or a novel, the tears we shed and the sorrow we feel are NEVER for the characters in the story.

The sorrow is always for those for whom we PERSONALLY feel great sadness, principally ourselves. See the definition of "catharsis" below. It's a pure GREEK word.

Our Greek older brothers taught us what is the essence of drama, didn't they, Brainsilence?

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CATHARSIS

Main Entry: ca?thar?sis 
Pronunciation: k&-'th?r-s&s
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural ca?thar?ses /-"sEz/
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek katharsis, from kathairein to cleanse, purge, from katharos
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

My relation to sorrowful things can either be enormously constructive or very destructive. Sorrow acts as a form of catharsis but its easy to surrender to it completely. To get to a point that is beyond catharsis and into a realm of negativity that is painful. I guess the healthiest thing is to not let the feeling dominate you completely.

Everything in moderation, lest we get lost in the feeling and have a hard time getting out.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Absitively, posolutely!!


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

Sojourner said:


> Absitively, posolutely!!


I didn't understood that.


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

Sojourner said:


> When we feel sorrow at the ending of a movie or a play or a novel, the tears we shed and the sorrow we feel are NEVER for the characters in the story.
> 
> The sorrow is always for those for whom we PERSONALLY feel great sadness, principally ourselves. See the definition of "catharsis" below. It's a pure GREEK word.
> 
> Our Greek older brothers taught us what is the essence of drama, didn't they, Brainsilence?


"Catharsis" is a greek word. It is pronounced precisely like in English. They told us a few things about it in school, but tell you the truth, I never thought of catharsis when I wrote my initial post. In fact, I can't relate the word. Errr.. things are a bit un-related right now, I can't focus enough. I will try to read this again later.


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