# I want to love and love love love!



## TheStarter

Greetings,
TheStarter


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## *deleted*

TheStarter said:


> I wont be suprised if i kill someone in my life.


Haha that sentence is fo familiar to me.


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## theoneandonly

well this was a delightful read.


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## pigandpepper

I think a lot of us experience that type of anger sometimes. The worst for me is when I'm angry and I'm driving. It makes me want to just run people over. The worst part is sometimes I want to crash my car into a tree or a pole or something. I can't tell you what might make you feel better, but I can tell you what helps me. It's important to find something you care about that is soothing to you. For me, it's music. Red Hot Chili Peppers circa 1985 is a cure-all for me. Surfing also helps. I think it's less about finding something to distract you and more about finding something that makes you feel good. 
Most importantly, try to focus in order to maintain a sense of right and wrong. I know that sometimes it feels like all you want to do is inflict pain, but you have to remember that your actions have repercussions, and this feeling doesn't last forever. 
Stay strong.


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## EverDream

Wow, so much anger. I think you will regret the things you wrote later on, lol. You are just very angry. You aren't violent. And if it's really the lexapro causing this then you should stop taking it.

I feel anger too lots of times. Especially towards people that can't understand me and look at me like I'm a freak (well, it's mostly my step sisters). And I did my best to be nice to them but it's just not enough. I'm also angry when people judge me and when I feel they are not treating me in a fair way, things like that. That's one of the many reasons I sometimes cut myself (and please don't do that, lol). Sometimes I just take a klonpin pill to calm myself down. I understand anger and I understand why we are so angry but it's just another thing we should get rid off. It brings no good.

I hope you'll calm down soon.


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## TheStarter

EverDream said:


> Wow, so much anger. I think you will regret the things you wrote later on, lol. You are just very angry. You aren't violent. And if it's really the lexapro causing this then you should stop taking it.
> 
> I feel anger too lots of times. Especially towards people that can't understand me and look at me like I'm a freak (well, it's mostly my step sisters). And I did my best to be nice to them but it's just not enough. I'm also angry when people judge me and when I feel they are not treating me in a fair way, things like that. That's one of the many reasons I sometimes cut myself (and please don't do that, lol). Sometimes I just take a klonpin pill to calm myself down. I understand anger and I understand why we are so angry but it's just another thing we should get rid off. It brings no good.
> 
> I hope you'll calm down soon.


Thanks everyone for replying!

And yes i will regret what i wrote tomorrow, but i'll just remind myself how i feel now, and then the feeling of regret is less.

Can't believe i can get so angry with xanax, propranolol, lexapro and alcohol.


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## Guest

Get over yourself


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## TheStarter

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> Get over yourself


We float around, hang out on clouds, then we'll come down, and have a hangover...
have a hangover...

edit:
(In case you can't figure out, i'm referring you to a opiate junkie, cause you are one)


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## Surfingisfun001

I don't know what to say, I'm glad I know you through the internet.


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## Surfingisfun001

TheStarter said:


> We float around, hang out on clouds, then we'll come down, and have a hangover...
> have a hangover...
> 
> edit:
> (In case you can't figure out, i'm referring you to a opiate junkie, cause you are one)


Maybe you are taking the wrong drugs...


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## TheStarter

surfingisfun001 said:


> Maybe you are taking the wrong drugs...


I only do alcohol since dp/dr.. imo, not a wrong drug. ah well opinions are different, thats what makes each individual so special


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## insaticiable

TheStarter said:


> I know this sounds very fucked up but i feel like knocking someone out and keep kicking on his head till he's brain dead, im so angry now for no reason.


Ah yes, this kind of anger seems all too familiar to me. I would often have these kinds of thoughts in regards to my older brother, who annoys the living hell out of me. I would have thoughts/fantasies of beating him in the head with a hammer till he lost consciousness. Did I ever act out those thoughts/fantasies? No. Did I come close to harming my brother? No.

What's important to understand and realize is that it's okay to have those thoughts, but you should be concerned if you start acting them out, which I don't think you will.


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## TheStarter

insaticiable said:


> Ah yes, this kind of anger seems all too familiar to me. I would often have these kinds of thoughts in regards to my older brother, who annoys the living hell out of me. I would have thoughts/fantasies of beating him in the head with a hammer till he lost consciousness. Did I ever act out those thoughts/fantasies? No. Did I come close to harming my brother? No.
> 
> What's important to understand and realize is that it's okay to have those thoughts, but you should be concerned if you start acting them out, which I don't think you will.


Most likely not as extreme as im stating there,
but i did walk around for 10 mins downtown to hope someone would pick on me so i had a excuse to fight, but no one is willing to pick on my 6'7" ass


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## Guest

Violence is not part of DP/DR. I would never say "I would like to shoot someone" on an internet forum. And I wouldn't say it out loud, save out of frustration, perhaps in a therapy session.

As many have said you have a lot of rage. That's a separate issue. Where that comes from, I don't know.

I have a lot of reasons to be angry with my life, but I don't feel like hurting someone.

As surfer said, the distance of the internet is rather comforting sometimes.

You scare me a bit.


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## Guest

TheStarter said:


> I want to fucking kill everyone that disagrees with me now.
> I wont be suprised if i kill someone in my life.
> I feel like going downtown and pick fights with people, especially muslims (a group of muslims caused my PTSD)
> 
> and if you clicked on this, and didn't feel like reading the whole message, well then FUCK YOU.


I just read this again. Don't blame this on your meds. I hope to God you don't kill anyone. And I don't think you should blame your PTSD on Muslims! WT ....

Never mind. I can't sleep.
I shouldn't even be responding.


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## TheStarter

K, its the next day now...

Someone here mentioned i would regret some of the things i would say, and guess what, i do, but im not gonna edit my post cause that'll not change things, i'll keep it this way so other people can read it, and might relate to it, idk.

I'm just so fed up with dp lately that i sometimes feel like doing stupid things..

Thanks for everyones replies!

Greetings,
Me.


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## real50tyson

Haha indeed tmrw in going to a party and I'm planning on drinking and smoking bud just to see wat happens i wouldnt be surprised if i fought someone and fucked them up...oh well fuck dp and wish me luck...


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## York

Dreamer* said:


> Violence is not part of DP/DR. I would never say "I would like to shoot someone" on an internet forum. And I wouldn't say it out loud, save out of frustration, perhaps in a therapy session.
> 
> As many have said you have a lot of rage. That's a separate issue. Where that comes from, I don't know.
> 
> I have a lot of reasons to be angry with my life, but I don't feel like hurting someone.
> 
> As surfer said, the distance of the internet is rather comforting sometimes.
> 
> You scare me a bit.


I don't think you are right at all! I think violent thoughts are a very big part of anxiety for a lot of people! I even read a pretty serious study several years ago stating that there seemed to be a strong connection between suppressed anger and, not just any sort of dissociation, but _DP_.

A lot of people become better by talking about violent thoughts in therapy or to others. Emotional release is a very important aspect of the human mind and body. If you can't express thoughts that scare you and make you feel ashamed, you bury them and your mind and body deals with it by getting ill.

For gods sake everyone, he's saying he _feels_ rage, and what that makes him _think_, it doesn't mean he's going to act upon it. I don't think it's that strange seeing what you put your body through with those meds and the alcohol, but you seriously need to talk to someone or get it out with some physical activity (that doesn't harm anything living!)!

Rage is a sign you're in distress, it's pretty basic human emotion. Often it's other feelings being concealed as anger, but the way you talk about it seems a lot like something biological, like hormones or the substances you take/took.

Hope you feel calmer now, be kinder to yourself in the future


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## York

real50tyson said:


> Haha indeed tmrw in going to a party and I'm planning on drinking and smoking bud just to see wat happens i wouldnt be surprised if i fought someone and fucked them up...oh well fuck dp and wish me luck...


I bet your parents are proud of you.


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## violetgirl

York said:


> I don't think you are right at all! I think violent thoughts are a very big part of anxiety for a lot of people! I even read a pretty serious study several years ago stating that there seemed to be a strong connection between suppressed anger and, not just any sort of dissociation, but _DP_.
> 
> A lot of people become better by talking about violent thoughts in therapy or to others. Emotional release is a very important aspect of the human mind and body. If you can't express thoughts that scare you and make you feel ashamed, you bury them and your mind and body deals with it by getting ill.
> 
> For gods sake everyone, he's saying he _feels_ rage, and what that makes him _think_, it doesn't mean he's going to act upon it. I don't think it's that strange seeing what you put your body through with those meds and the alcohol, but you seriously need to talk to someone or get it out with some physical activity (that doesn't harm anything living!)!
> 
> Rage is a sign you're in distress, it's pretty basic human emotion. Often it's other feelings being concealed as anger, but the way you talk about it seems a lot like something biological, like hormones or the substances you take/took.
> 
> Hope you feel calmer now, be kinder to yourself in the future


Totally agree with this.

I had so much rage and anger and hatred inside of me, which I was ashamed of. I would self-harm to try to control it or lash out. It was coming from supressed trauma. I was always labeled 'angry', which I took to be derogatary. In fact, I had a lot to be angry about. 
Releasing this anger helped me to recover.

Realising our dark sides, without judgment is so important. Trauma creates anger. There is no shame in that.

The problem with society is, is that we look at negative things like rage and label it as 'bad'. It's not 'bad', it's a normal reaction that is part of the human experience. Anger just 'is'. It's valid.

I think it's great that the OP was able to say all this. Many people keep thier violent thoughts to themselves. Being honest is so imortant.

We should be asking WHY people feel so much rage, not judge them.

Rage is a secondary emotion to extreme pain.

Growing up in an abusive/ invalidating household can lead to this kind of shame. When you dont learn how to express yourself as a child, this leads to anger later in life.


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## TheStarter

Wow, this was me on lexapro, holy shit..

I haven't felt like this in a long long while, i think its for the better, one year has gone by since i wrote this. damn, time goes fast.


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## orca

TheStarter said:


> K, its the next day now...
> 
> Someone here mentioned i would regret some of the things i would say, and guess what, i do, but im not gonna edit my post cause that'll not change things, i'll keep it this way so other people can read it, and might relate to it, idk.
> 
> I'm just so fed up with dp lately that i sometimes feel like doing stupid things..
> 
> Thanks for everyones replies!
> 
> Greetings,
> Me.


I know just how you felt.. I randomly get a insane anger and just want to destroy everything and everyone, but I know that's so against my morals which makes me more angrier for feeling that way.
Also know what you mean by wanting to do something stupid, I think it's because we are so fucking over dp/dr we might just think doing something so stupid and spontaneous that it will make us feel ALIVE again!!


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