# Tired of this



## kchendrix (Feb 28, 2005)

Thought I was making headway... really did.. but I think back of all the fun I used to have in life. All the life I used to live.. It's like I want it back. Where did it go and why. Just when I think I got a grip it slips away again. This is just not right. I want my life back I want it back now. I want to be the happy guy that likes to fish, that jokes around, that likes to go to football games in the fall. I can't stand the shell that I have become. Its like I keep slip slip slipping away... Dear God in heaven make it stop now!

That felt good,, it is nice to have a place to vent..... It just makes me so mad.... I really do want to be the guy I was.... Why Can't i get it back


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## ShyTiger (Apr 1, 2005)

Yes, feel like that too today. It's frustrating cause i feel like i'm fighting this thing but theres nothing i can fight. How can i fight or escape this torment when its in my head????????? Theres no where to run and hide. No where to escape. I want so much to physically be able to do something and i can't. It's all mind games. I wan't my life back. I watch others walk down the street and wonder if they apreciate what a joy it is to be able to do that without the hellish nightmare of dp/dr.


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## kchendrix (Feb 28, 2005)

You are so right... I struggle each day, watching everyone else live in a peaceful place.. right where I was before thanksgiving this year. This is just ridiculous.. it is all in my mind.. I want my mind to stop behaving this way and stop thinking this way. I have to find the way back to be me again... I have read Janine's book, and I think it is great...I am so happy when people have full recovery,,, but I am so jealous also, and so depressed that I am not there yet. I keep waiting for that final slip into unreality that I logically know won't come, but my mind frightens me with that thought..

I so long for the day when I can call the guys up and say lets go fishing, and feel like I can handle it. Like It is me. Or pick up my guitar again and make music... my passion seems to be dead, my feeling , my zest for life.... Somehow someway Tiger... I want back into my world. I want to be one of the laughing, engaging, smiling, feeling , loving people again!


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## livinginhell333 (Feb 19, 2005)

kchendrix said:


> I so long for the day when I can call the guys up and say lets go fishing, and feel like I can handle it. Like It is me. Or pick up my guitar again and make music... my passion seems to be dead, my feeling , my zest for life.... Somehow someway Tiger... I want back into my world. I want to be one of the laughing, engaging, smiling, feeling , loving people again!


dude, the same for me too. i can't listen to music, enjoy playing basketball. i have no passion for anything anymore and i really can't wait for that day where i love sports, music, friends, and people again. i get jealous as well when i see people walking laughing and having a good time and thinking to myself i used to be like them and how they shouldn't take their life for granted because i did and i am here now totally physically unable to feel my body and emotionally dead. I used to be a pretty fun person to be around because i had so much energy and used to laugh and smile all the time and was really finding myself before this happended. i really don't enjoy anything anymore and nothing makes me happy.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

I know how you guys feel. I'm having one of these nights where I'm just like, "this sucks". I'm alone again on a saturday night because I am uncapable of having any sort of relationships these days. Can't go visit my best friend because the drive is too long. Can't get drunk and drink it away because alcohol brings on dp in me. It's hard but just know you aren't alone. I'm hear with ya. :roll:


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