# I feel I'm recovering... Impatience



## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

Lately, I've felt pretty good. My depression is pretty minimal. Mostly because I'm reading again, staying busy, and exercising. It feels good to try and lead a normal life. It's just, I still feel a little out of it, a little not like myself, still no emotions, bad memory, and bad (but better) concentration. I feel I'm either recovering or getting used to it... It's frustrating not knowing. How much longer? If I am recovering, there's been no improvement for awhile except for the depression lifting due to Lexapro. Anybody with experience? Is this even DR? I feel like I have brain damage or that my neurotransmitters are so out of whack, ill never feel normal again... Just please tell me it sounds like DR and please tell me it sounds like I'm making some progress in recovery. And PLEASE tell me this shit goes away. I've lost 7 months of my life to this.


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2013)

Just carry on with what you're doing, trying to lead a normal life etc. You can't be impatient, you just have to let yourself and your mind be as you go about life as normal because if you are watching the clock, you can't recover. It's about trying to teach your mind that there is no threat. If you desperately want to recover, there still is a threat, so it won't disappear. An apathetic attitude, if you can muster it, is a great thing to practice.

When I really got the hang of acceptance, it took a matter of weeks for me to recover. If I hadn't of accepted, I would have been "trying" recovery but not actually doing it right, I would have been waiting for months wondering why I'm not there yet, growing more and more frustrated, anxious and probably MORE DP'd. So if you can just accept that it will go away - trust in those words - you can let go of your grip.


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

So ignoring it is really the key. I exercised today for the first time so I really am trying. And I'm not obsessively looking on google about my symptoms anymore. I'm usually in a pretty content mood but once I get to thinking about it, my thoughts get so dark. "this isn't DR, it's brain damage." "You're not recovering, you're getting used to being numb." "These are the symptoms you'll always have to love with." "You'll never recovery." And they just scare me so much. To the point where it's hard to accept it because what if those thoughts are true and the positive side of me is just fooling myself....? I guess I do have a long way to go still... Just some reassurance would be amazing. I don't want to have this for years like some people.


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2013)

Those are good first steps! The thing is, if I knew the way to recover years ago, I would have recovered years ago, but instead I had it for 6 years! The fact that you are here right now and you have access to the recovery section of this forum means that you have all the knowledge to recover much earlier than I did.  The insecurities you have are simply that, the same as if someone was obsessed with their weight had thoughts all the time about how fat they look and feel, and what people thought of them. They don't necessarily have any truth to them. The things you think are purely projection and guesswork, caused by anxiety. I've believed all sorts of crazy stuff, all originating from my own mind, and none of it was true, or if I couldn't prove it to be true, it was just wasted thoughts that did nothing other than cause me grief.

I can't tell you how much anxiety plays a huge part in this, how much recovery is possible, how much acceptance is needed, how fast or slow it will be... Because in the end I nor anyone else here can make you recover. Only you can use the things you have learned and put them to use, and give them time to see results. It's a bit like fitness in a sense - to become fit takes time and persistence. But in the same way, it will feel SO uncomfortable to start with! You might even feel like you are fighting with yourself. But sooner or later those thoughts and feelings will diminish until you get a couple a day, and then none.

There comes a time when you just feel like saying "I'm fucking bored with this", and you give up. This is good, because you then learn to stop monitoring your thoughts, your thoughts then stop being so persistent, and eventually you lose interest in the topic.


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

Thank you so much what I got from your advice is I really just need to accept it and those thoughts will go away or won't scare me. I'm not sure how bad DR can get but telling from stories on here I'd say my DR is a 3 out of 10. It's minor but annoying enough to interfere with life. Plus it's chronic and it's strong enough to make emotional numbing and my memory a little bad. I'm trying to help my memory a bit with reading though. And so far, I can keep up with a book when 4 months ago, I couldn't even stay on top of a conversation. Maybe I am recovering but it's so slow and subtle that I'm not even noticing it and ill just wake up one day once I just accept it and realize its gone. I just hope that day is 100% for sure.


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

I can not stress enough how psychodynamic therapy is important.


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## fairydpd (Jun 10, 2013)

what is psychodynamic therapy ??? I feel the same way the op feels .


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

It is a 50 minute session done 2 times per week, 1 on 1 (yourself and a psychologist).
It is about bringing your deepest thoughts to a conversation under guidance. The main purpose is to learn what is the REAL source for your anxiety/depression/low self esteem.

For example, in my panic attacks i feared that i will get peralized for life, after 4 sessions we figured that the underlying cause for thosr panic attacks is my desire to be different from my father.


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