# Derealization



## angierafaelaangierafaela a (Aug 26, 2012)

Hi everyone,
I have had anxiety since I was 18. I had such a severe panic attack one night I woke up DRed and never recovered. Effexor XR at 75mg helped me live a normal life for the next 6 to 7 years. I was taken off of the Effexor cold turkey because I got pregnant and I have been under SEVERE amounts of stress. 10 day hospital stay due to the pregnancy and I have never been the same since. I could function before and cope with the pregnancy, now I'm a damned mess. I didn't sleep for five days while I was there, they pumped me with so many anti-biotics (thought it was a kidney infection, it wasn't, they didn't know what it was) I almost died and sicne then my perception of time and my anxiety levels have been through the roof. My doctor put me on Klonopin but that just makes me feel more dreamlike. I haven't had a good nights sleep for a month. The Klonopin helps but if I wake up in the middle of the night it's back to anxiety central. I think I have everything from schizophrenia to bipolar disorder to DID. The DP happened because this was unplanned and I'm asuming I'm dissociating because of not coming to terms with becoming a mother (how can I care for a child if I'm DPed/DRed/anxious to eternity and depressed? My question is are any of you so DPed/DRed that you don't understand what's going on around you? The world and the way it functions is weird for lack of a better word. I mean I can explain everything happening around me, I know that a chair is a chair a water bottle is a water bottle, a car is a car but it all feels so strange. The people walking around feel strange. I am at work and feel like I should get up and leave because I don't know why I'm here. Obviously I know I'm here to do a job and earn money but it's a different perception than before. I don't know why I'm on Earth. I feel like I am dreaming 90% of the time and when I do "wake up" I feel like I literally just woke up. I can tell you everything that has happened through out the day but it feels like years ago. Is a distorted perception of time (feeling like you just got to where you are moments ago even thou you've been there all day - this happens every minute) a symptom of DP/DR/anxiety or am I really losing my mind? Any experiences, insight, info would help. I really feel like I'm losing my sanity.


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## lizzie89 (Aug 24, 2012)

angierafaelaangierafaela a said:


> Hi everyone,
> I have had anxiety since I was 18. I had such a severe panic attack one night I woke up DRed and never recovered. Effexor XR at 75mg helped me live a normal life for the next 6 to 7 years. I was taken off of the Effexor cold turkey because I got pregnant and I have been under SEVERE amounts of stress. 10 day hospital stay due to the pregnancy and I have never been the same since. I could function before and cope with the pregnancy, now I'm a damned mess. I didn't sleep for five days while I was there, they pumped me with so many anti-biotics (thought it was a kidney infection, it wasn't, they didn't know what it was) I almost died and sicne then my perception of time and my anxiety levels have been through the roof. My doctor put me on Klonopin but that just makes me feel more dreamlike. I haven't had a good nights sleep for a month. The Klonopin helps but if I wake up in the middle of the night it's back to anxiety central. I think I have everything from schizophrenia to bipolar disorder to DID. The DP happened because this was unplanned and I'm asuming I'm dissociating because of not coming to terms with becoming a mother (how can I care for a child if I'm DPed/DRed/anxious to eternity and depressed? My question is are any of you so DPed/DRed that you don't understand what's going on around you? The world and the way it functions is weird for lack of a better word. I mean I can explain everything happening around me, I know that a chair is a chair a water bottle is a water bottle, a car is a car but it all feels so strange. The people walking around feel strange. I am at work and feel like I should get up and leave because I don't know why I'm here. Obviously I know I'm here to do a job and earn money but it's a different perception than before. I don't know why I'm on Earth. I feel like I am dreaming 90% of the time and when I do "wake up" I feel like I literally just woke up. I can tell you everything that has happened through out the day but it feels like years ago. Is a distorted perception of time (feeling like you just got to where you are moments ago even thou you've been there all day - this happens every minute) a symptom of DP/DR/anxiety or am I really losing my mind? Any experiences, insight, info would help. I really feel like I'm losing my sanity.


Hi,

I know exactly how you feel, I feel extremely weird all of the time. My mind is preoccupied with thoughts about the world and universe etc and none of it seems real anymore. It's terrifying.

You are not going insane, it is just anxiety. I often feel like I'm about to lose control, but I never do. It is just our minds tricking us, even though I agree it really does not feel like it most of the time. In fact, I think at this point I would prefer to go insane!

I am on Sertraline 100mg per day at the moment, but have only recently upped my dosage from 50mg so I keep having ups and downs which I hope will settle down soon, but have not had experience of Klonopin.

I'm not sure if this will be any help but I just want to let you know you're not alone. Just reassure yourself when you're having an anxiety attack that you're not going insane.

Lizzie


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## wellsiee (Jun 25, 2009)

I know exactly how your feeling. everything looks so unreal, and fake and dream. I always question my existence, and who I am as a person. I lost myself years ago. But this is my life now, as a DP/DR life. I know it feels as if its not real but it is. You just have to keep going, keep pushing yourself to live for the next day.

I know being pregnant while being DP/DR..well I can't even imagine what a difficult time you're having right now. But this child that you are carrying, you will love the second it comes into this world. That's who you will live for, you will live for your child. When you're ever feeling down, or hopeless you look into your child eyes and know that you have to live for them.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, hope everything goes well. I know you'll be a great mother.
Best of luck.


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## Guest (Sep 4, 2012)

Jesus loves you.


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## angierafaelaangierafaela a (Aug 26, 2012)

Thanks for the reply and the reassurance! This isn't happening to me just when I get panic attacks - it is my constant reality. I questioned why I have a mom and why we're all on Earth and why we hae furniture and I really feel like I am losing my mind. I am always worried about everything. Post partum depression, losing my mind, not remembering my family members, ending up in psych ward, everything. I can't sleep at night because all I do is worry. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder years ago but I now believe I have Depersonalization Disorder. I have derealization too. I don't know why I'm alive, why I'm here, why anybody is here. I don't "understand" what's going on around me. I mean I understand it and can explain it to you but I question it; it's the weirdest thing. Can all of this really be from just anxiety? I feel like I'm going to get so DPed when my daughter gets here I'm going to lose my mind, or not be able to talk, or think or anything. This happened after the very traumatic hospital stay in July. I have never been the same since. I have gotten depression because of this. I felt like myself yesterday for the first time in a long time for a bit of the day because I was distracted most of the day and when the DP/DR started clearing it was like I was scared of being alive and got DP/DR all over again! How can I be scared of being alive and just "retreat" back into derealization/depersonalization? I feel like I am going insane! AM [email protected]?!



lizzie89 said:


> Hi,
> 
> I know exactly how you feel, I feel extremely weird all of the time. My mind is preoccupied with thoughts about the world and universe etc and none of it seems real anymore. It's terrifying.
> 
> ...


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## angierafaelaangierafaela a (Aug 26, 2012)

"stay behind closed doors and keep a closed mouth - much outside of either does not make much sense" is exactly what I am fighting. You described my feelings perfectly. It is so hard to be at work, get out of bed in the morning or even talk, think, feel connected to others. I took the Klonopin for two days and then didn't take it again because of the drowsiness, severe state of dreamyness it gave me. How do you manage to live with this? Is there some form of coping technique used to make things easier? I am on the verge of not being able to function!



nodice said:


> Not a doc, but am surprised your doc put you on Klonopin while pregnant (see http://www.fda.gov/downloads/Drugs/DrugSafety/UCM225680.pdf). I have been on Klonopin for about 25 years, at a low dose (1 - 2 mg) and tried to get off of it last year. It was a nightmare and am now back on it. If you have any other viable alternative that your doc could advise you on, I would look into it. That being said, I always felt that Klonopin provided a little buffer to that strange world around us that you described so well, I need not add to it. For me, Lithium (think also not good to take when pregnant - ask a doc) provides some extra buffer/smoothing. Again, meds are something that should be discussed with your doc.
> 
> I am not sure, but I think one thing you have to your benefit is that you can likely see what caused the DP, as you mentioned this. I really hope that it is just a matter of time before you can "re-acclimate" to reality. In that reality, I think you will be a fine mother. As far as your second question "My question is are any of you so DPed/DRed that you don't understand what's going on around you?" - yea, sure, that is why I prefer to stay behind closed doors and keep a closed moth - much outside of either does not make much sense.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

There's a small possibility it's pregnancy related, you shave to wait and see on that.

Verything you described including feeling like you're psychotic or did, is *completly* normal, and all sounds like dp. Treatment wise doesn't matter too much if you're pregnant because thy haven't really found medication that works anyhow. I'd strogky suggest getting a therapist. That will also give you some place to get support if the symptoms continue when your childs born.


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## angierafaelaangierafaela a (Aug 26, 2012)

I agree. I've had very mild DR for years since my first panic attack but the DP only set in weeks after the hospital and I have MAJOR anxiety from the pregnancy. I mean uncontrolable anxiety. To the point where my mind won't stop worrying. If I wake in the middle of the night I am freaking out worrying and cannot get back to sleep and if I do get back to sleep it is very light sleep and I worry in my dreams as well. I haven't slept well in months and I used to be able to sleep so soundly. Thinking of my child and this pregnancy or anything pregnancy related makes the DP worse but I can't ignore that I'm going to give birth! (Unplanned, never intended to be a mother, not with father - cheated on me for 14 months and I found out when I was 5 months pregnant, can't come to terms with the fact that I am going to be responsible for another human being! and that there is a human growing inside of me! I know this is the miracle of life but it just freaks me out). My anxiety of course has me worried about post partum depression as I am now suffering from prenatal depression and all sorts of things like will I love my child, how will I get through labor, how the hell am I going to breastfeed if I get on antidepressants (they gave me Zoloft and I took it just once). If I don't get on antidepressants will I have PP psychosis or permanent depression. The DP just makes everything worse. Have you found anything that helps you in dealing/coping?



kate_edwin said:


> There's a small possibility it's pregnancy related, you shave to wait and see on that.
> 
> Verything you described including feeling like you're psychotic or did, is *completly* normal, and all sounds like dp. Treatment wise doesn't matter too much if you're pregnant because thy haven't really found medication that works anyhow. I'd strogky suggest getting a therapist. That will also give you some place to get support if the symptoms continue when your childs born.


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## Guest (Sep 5, 2012)

Jesus loves you.


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