# Past recovery post to remind myself its possible again!!



## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

I had dp/dr pretty bad in 2012 for about 6 months. By May 2012, my graduation from high school, I didn't come onto the site as much and stopped checking my messages. In 2014 I logged back on for some reason and this was my response to someone who reached out to me in 2012. He has not logged on in years so I assume he is recovered. This was my recovery post. I need the motivation that I can do it again! I mention that I smoked weed again after recovery but this is not the trigger for my second spell of this. I have not smoked weed since 2014 and im staying far away from it. I guess I just wanted to conquer my fear of it.

Idk if youll ever read this cuz hopefully you got better too but I'll just tell you anyways if you ever come back on here. I might write a recovery post publicly in the future. Overtime I guess I just got used to it so much that I stopped worrying about it. It just became a part of who I was which sounds depressing but I don't notice it unless I actively try. When i do notice it shit looks a little weird but i don't care...I mean the fact that I didn't even think about coming on here for pretty much 2 years shows you how little I care anymore. Now if i'm dozing off in class or something i'll have a fleeting moment of "yup thats dp, my vision looks a little wierd". I'll take a deep breath and then i don't notice it again for days/weeks. I ended up going to Boston College and my life went back to normal with my friends and everything. I'm def not the same person because It's a trauma that really fucked me up - parents didn't believe me, friends thought I was crazy, no help from medical community - you can't go back to the same person but you can be normal and happy again. I just took rest when I needed it. I wish my parents believed me more...I can't blame them i mean the only way you really understand DP is if you have it. The support/love me but there would've been decreased stress if they were more understanding. Eventually I stopped reading the "im FUCKED" or "I've had DP for 35 years" posts and started living life again. I got it from smoking pot so I was not one of the people that get it as a secondary symptom of anxiety...I had the full on DP bullshit that you can def relate to and I came out the other side. I also smoked weed again this summer which was a horrible idea but that's how confident I was that I conquered it. I actually had a panic attack after smoking but I knew what was happening so I controlled it.

I apologize for not responding to you. You were in a dark place looking for somebody who understood and could relate to your problems. I honestly wish I checked the site more so we could've connected.

Lemme know how ur doin bruh


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## Chiara699 (Aug 8, 2018)

Hi! 
You said you just forgot about dp, but did you get your sense of identity, your feelings and everything back or you just learned to live without them?


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## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

everything just slipped slowly to normalcy, my identity, feelings. I wasnt the same person but I felt alive and well. And did not worry about depersonalization at all. Recovery happens so slow from what I've found that you arent even able to rejoice. you just go back to being a normal human being with normal problems


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## Chiara699 (Aug 8, 2018)

Thank you! I’m sure that will happen to you again, and I hope to me as well ahah


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## apteron105 (Sep 6, 2018)

BabyBak,

This is a bizarre circumstance, but I'M THE GUY YOU TRIED TO REACH IN 2012 (eppy105). I lost my account info forever ago and mostly stopped coming here.

Honestly, life was shit for a long time until I got the help that I needed (meds and therapy). I clawed my way out and have done so many amazing things--life has gone so much better than I could have imagined when I was 16. I only come back on here when I'm having a flare up which is REALLY infrequently--once every 8 months tops, and it's never severe. It's only happening this week because I decided to go off a med (trust me, I won't try again. If taking a pill once a day is the price I pay for my sanity and happiness, then so be it). I should really make an update/recovery post on here, but the idea of quantifying my recovery still scares me.

I made this account because I saw your posts about suicide and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try to help an old friend. I know how awful you feel right now, and there's nothing shameful about wanting an end to suffering. But I KNOW you know what it feels like to feel good again, just as I do, and, if you'll let me, I'd like to be there for you. Is there some way I can contact you privately?

Please hold tight.


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## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

wow thats crazy, yeah you can email me at [email protected]


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## anitas (Aug 28, 2018)

Hi babybak did you have any memory issues (distante memory) the first time when you had dp ?


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