# Does anyone relate to my severe dpdr experience? Scared.



## Pineapplecurl (Aug 8, 2021)

Hello, just want to see if anyone relates to what I am feeling because I am super scared. My dpdr is 24/7. I feel as if this is not treatable. I feel like I have lost myself and can’t recognize me anymore. Everything feels like a dream. Most of the time it feels like I am just floating or I feel plain dead. I have crazy existential thoughts. I always think I’m going crazy. There are a lot of times I question if I can make it in this life another minute that’s how painful and crazy I feel. I always have panic and anxiety attacks. I will admit I have suicidal thoughts. I wanna live but not like this. The way I used too. Not thinking about life so deeply , just living it. Having a sense of self and being happy would be great. Instead I feel like my life is over. Recovery don’t seem possible whatsoever, especially when I’m convinced I’m not me or I’m not even alive. I’m always scared I’ll loose control of my thoughts and actions. I get the blank mind a lot too. It’s like something has taken me over. When I do something i can remember doing it but for some reason it feels like I didn’t actually do it, like a blur. I constantly obsess about how I feel , bad ocd. Severe depression and crippling anxiety also make it so much worse. I just want to know if recovering is possible from such severe dpdr? Can you feel alive and present again with worry?


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

The answer is yes. Getting your thoughts on the right track is actually instantaneous, which might be to your surprise. Don’t think of ‘feeling good’ as something which is far away from you now. Relax and don’t worry. There is plenty of us who are going through the same kind of thing you’re going through now.


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## shannie84 (May 10, 2016)

I totally relate to everything you said. I'm 37 years old and have had chronic dp/dr non stop since age 14.


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## Illiterate (Mar 17, 2021)

Ya bro ive had dp for 2 years and nothing feels real. For the first year I would jsut stay in bed curled up in a ball feeling insanly scared and frozen. Like everything is stopped. Life just feels like on big long day. When I go to bed and wake up it dosent feel like a new day. I sweat in my sleep all the time and my dreams scare me so much. Im overanalizing everything about myself and then comparring it to someone else or how I think I should be. idk if this has happend to you but people seem like animals now to me. I allways think that we litterally on have on life and its on this tiny planet in an infinitly large universe. Everything is so black and white to me now as well. I get pissed off so easily and cant get any satisfaction. About a year ago I sgtarted to get suicidal thoughts because it feels like theres no other way out. But I know logically that thats not what I want so i wont ever do it. Its like your a stranger trying to figure yourself out. Nothing makes sense. Everything that should be easy is so hard and tiring. Whenever im around people it feels like im in a different dimention. Like im hyperaware and stressed but nothing comes to my mind. Im so tired of this and sad but I cant cry. I cant feel. Its like im super sad but i cant feel it at the same time. And I allways think about how im feeling and then obsess and panic over it.


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## Oh Worky Worky (Aug 14, 2021)

When I first started with it I literally had maybe a minute of each day where I felt like I wasn't panicking and was too scared to lift my head up from my phone, as I use it as a distraction tool (bad move) over the course of 6 month I maybe spend a hour of my day questioning myself and going through the motions.


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## Natty1977 (Jul 12, 2021)

shannie84 said:


> I totally relate to everything you said. I'm 37 years old and have had chronic dp/dr non stop since age 14.


Same, I’m 44 and had consistently from age of 20 😕


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## Ssg22 (Jan 5, 2022)

Pineapplecurl said:


> Hello, just want to see if anyone relates to what I am feeling because I am super scared. My dpdr is 24/7. I feel as if this is not treatable. I feel like I have lost myself and can’t recognize me anymore. Everything feels like a dream. Most of the time it feels like I am just floating or I feel plain dead. I have crazy existential thoughts. I always think I’m going crazy. There are a lot of times I question if I can make it in this life another minute that’s how painful and crazy I feel. I always have panic and anxiety attacks. I will admit I have suicidal thoughts. I wanna live but not like this. The way I used too. Not thinking about life so deeply , just living it. Having a sense of self and being happy would be great. Instead I feel like my life is over. Recovery don’t seem possible whatsoever, especially when I’m convinced I’m not me or I’m not even alive. I’m always scared I’ll loose control of my thoughts and actions. I get the blank mind a lot too. It’s like something has taken me over. When I do something i can remember doing it but for some reason it feels like I didn’t actually do it, like a blur. I constantly obsess about how I feel , bad ocd. Severe depression and crippling anxiety also make it so much worse. I just want to know if recovering is possible from such severe dpdr? Can you feel alive and present again with worry?


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## Natty1977 (Jul 12, 2021)

I 100% relate to everything you just said.
I’ve suffered with it for over 20 years now. And what’s even worse, is the fact that it’s not recognised as a major illness, because no one understands it, and it just gets dismissed by family , friends and doctors. My wife is a GP,
and she says that it’s all in my head! Charming lol. I was treated for a while in London until the DP department was disbanded. So I’m left with the list of meds that I was taking, that I still take, because the local surgery has no idea about the complexities of high dose experimental meds.
400mg Lamotragine, 200mg sertraline.
I also take morphine daily now for tendinitis in my hands and arms. I’ve been a builder for 28 years now. 
ive been living in a dreamworld for decades now, feeling like shit most of the time. 
so I may aswell be still in a dream with morphine, and feel great!! 😂😂
I feel that I’ve missed out on raising my children, and just living in a 2d world.
For a couple of minutes a few times a year, I come back to normality, and I tell you, it freaks me out immensely. Not just because life extrudes in to 3D, but mainly having the realisation of how much of life I’m missing out on. Also if I am cured at some point in the future, I think I would be a nervous wreak , to think of what I’ve been through, and how much it’s changed me.
I feel/know that part of me has died already,
Keep the faith! We have no choice 😊😊


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## NomdeGuerra (Jan 4, 2019)

Natty1977 said:


> I 100% relate to everything you just said.
> I’ve suffered with it for over 20 years now. And what’s even worse, is the fact that it’s not recognised as a major illness, because no one understands it, and it just gets dismissed by family , friends and doctors. My wife is a GP,
> and she says that it’s all in my head! Charming lol. I was treated for a while in London until the DP department was disbanded. So I’m left with the list of meds that I was taking, that I still take, because the local surgery has no idea about the complexities of high dose experimental meds.
> 400mg Lamotragine, 200mg sertraline.
> ...


Wow dude. Thats just a sad sad story. I’m feeling sorry for U.

Keep the faith


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## Natty1977 (Jul 12, 2021)

NomdeGuerra said:


> Wow dude. Thats just a sad sad story. I’m feeling sorry for U.
> 
> Keep the faith


Many thanks for you kind comment.
Sometimes my thoughts are reconciled, knowing there are probably a good few billion people worse off than me. It gives me a sense perspective, which is ironic really, because that’s exactly what I’m missing visually! 😅


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