# Fear of my own existence



## ronig (Feb 12, 2020)

How can you not think about your existence? That's my only fear , Fear of my own existence
It happened to me 2 years ago after a bad reaction to smoking weed


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## AnnaGiulia (Feb 4, 2020)

Hi ronig, can you elaborate on this?

I mean, I wake up every day thinking about my own existence and mortality, but now I am ok with it. It was a bit more challenging while I could not actually recognize myself in the mirror, but now I can for most days, and even though I sometimes feel more and sometimes less as myself, I try to establish with myself every day that I am alive, to recognize where and when I am, and what awaits me for that day. Shortly, I make a plan every day, and try to stick to it. I write down things a lot, as otherwise I may end up very disorganized and dissociated.

I basically organize my days about certain things that I do, and at first it was hard, but I was adding a bit more every once in a while, when I felt that I can, and now I have several volunteer-based simple tasks every day, and several payed engagements per month. I am actually considered successful in what I do. I don't want to sound preachy, I just share my experience. I felt that I needed to expose myself to communication and some sort of social engagement even when I didn't feel like it. I think that it helped me feel more present. We all, with DPDR, or dissociated, or not, share the paradoxical human condition of being aware of both our existence and mortality. We are here, so we may as well try to make the time here better instead of worse; that became my idea of living anyway.

Best,

A.


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