# do I have depersonalization disorder?



## juliahappypeach (Dec 11, 2017)

Hi, my name is Julia. The reason I joined this site is because I'm scared that I might have depersonalization disorder and I want to hear the opinions of people who have been struggling with it. (To be honest, I'm probably looking for someone to assure me that I don't have it, but please don't sugarcoat it if the symptoms seem to point to that). I just can't stop thinking about it and it's really causing me a lot of emotional distress and anxiety. Posting here actually makes that worse because I feel like by admitting that there's a possibility I might have it I'm reifying it. I don't have experience posting on forums, but I guess I'll go ahead and explain why I think I might have it.

Lately I just always feel very distant and detached from everything in my life, not just current circumstance but also the past, my memories seems like things that happened to someone else. I used to be an extremely sensitive and emotional person, and this was also a struggle, but I prefer those days because feeling numb is much, much worse to me. I have depression, at least I always have I don't know if it's been nullified by the dp or something, but when I was depressed it used to be this really intense, deep pain and sadness, now I can hardly ever feel sad or happy. I've actually been trying to trigger or restimulate my depression in hopes of breaking the numbness. I was taking a anti-depressant for a while, setraline, I don't know if that could have caused or contributed to the dp. I started taking it midway through 2016 because my depression got really bad, and then I kept on going up until I was at a really high dosage and for a while I felt somewhat happy, everyone said I seemed so much more social and energetic. Another thing I should mention is that I have virtually no social life, I have four friends I don't see often but almost no interaction with my peers on a daily basis, and I've developed a lot of anti-social tendencies I can't seem to break away from. Anyway, I stopped taking my meds for a while and started to notice feeling very flat, but I'm not exactly sure if that feeling came before or after I was off my meds. My therapist recommended I try taking the meds again and my psychiatrist warned against it. Anyway, it's really taking over my mind, it's like my brain has slowed down and I feel like my inner voice has become this strange detached narrator. I feel like a specter floating around and I can't connect with people anymore. The world seems flat and unreal and murky, I can't reconcile my physicality with this constant disquietude of feeling like I don't exist. I know this got really long-winded so I won't ramble anymore. But basically I'm in a bad place right now, so if you have any insights, please share. I'm actually really scared.


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## Mily (Dec 9, 2017)

I'm having the sam problem and yes,you are deffinitely having dp/dr. Don't worry,it can't hurt you. I'm still dealing with the diaorder myself so i can't help much but i can tell you for sure that it can't harm you. It's afful i know,but you gotta stay strong. Try doing something,like washing the dishes or vacuming the room,that's what kind of works for me. ☺


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