# Why does the brain freak me out so much?



## RenZimE

So I guess the question kinda sits in the title.. As my threads as of late have undoubtably shown you guys, I was at one point feeling the high of finally leaving DP. However, in the blink of an eye I started considering how it is we function.. Like why these little chemicals and electric pulses in my head allow me to think and feel etc. Since that day its been nothing but anxiety over the sheer inability to comprehend how and why it is that my brain allows me to exist.

I know it sounds mildly crazy, but its something thats causing great distress at the moment as I just cant shake it no matter how hard I try. So I tried looking around the internet to try and understand things a little more, only to find that there isn't a great deal of help out there. It seems everyone else is about as stumped as I am in terms of truly grasping why it is we have this "life". (i.e. we're not just automated biochemical machines, but we have a personality, morals etc.)

So I guess, besides venting this obsessive craziness to someone other than myself.. I was just wondering if you guys had any idea of what you could call the above fear. I'm supposed to be meeting my new psychiatrist within the next 2 weeks (although I'm yet to hear from them) and I really need some terminology so that I can properly describe what it is I'm going through. Advice other than "stop thinking about it", and "distract yourself" would be most appreciated also







(Lord knows I've tried those two options to death, but it just isnt helping)


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## Xerei

ive had thoughts like that 2..i try not 2 think about my brain..scary stuff..


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## Claymore

it freaks me out that these complex thought are just electric signals going from one place to another faster than the speed of light. I have phobias of thing moving to fast like fans on high, those oil pumps that spin. I cant look at it, i dont y it scares me but when i think about my brain, how it works and how fast trillions of things are happening at one time, it freaks me out.







Makes no sense, y should i care i cant do anything about it.


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## RenZimE

Claymore said:


> it freaks me out that these complex thought are just electric signals going from one place to another faster than the speed of light. I have phobias of thing moving to fast like fans on high, those oil pumps that spin. I cant look at it, i dont y it scares me but when i think about my brain, how it works and how fast trillions of things are happening at one time, it freaks me out.
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> Makes no sense, y should i care i cant do anything about it.


I can totally empathise with that last statement. Its quite bizarre how even though we have absolutely no reason to worry, comprehend or even consider how our internals work.. For some reason it scares the bejebus out of us! I call it "my little personal journey of self discovery" to those who aren't too involved with my whole situation, but I really do wish the journey wasn't such a long, bumpy ride up this steep mountain of unknowing. Looking over the edge is just too scary for words!

I would love so much to just let it all go and just get on with life.. Afterall everyone else gets by just fine without ever being worried or concerned for how their brain works. And to be honest, I know deep down that regardless of what is or isn't going on up there, the end result is still the same thing - me! But its one thing to write it out, and another to actually accept that as the final verdict. I really need to learn how to just let it go.


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## PositiveThinking!

This is kind of ironic as I'm going trough the same (obviously) ever since I got DP, but before I had it I used to love to think about this kind of stuff, like how we function, how everything around us functions, how the universe exists, how amazing everything was. Just as it was amazing to smoke weed and be high, now it isn't really that fun is it?


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## guest1234

I used to get this all the time when I was DP and it was terrifying. Now I'm recovered if I think the same thing it's like 'so what?'
I think it's because you have all this fear in you with no visible threat to project it on so you subconsciously project it onto yourself and your surroundings.


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## RenZimE

guest1234 said:


> I used to get this all the time when I was DP and it was terrifying. Now I'm recovered if I think the same thing it's like 'so what?'
> I think it's because you have all this fear in you with no visible threat to project it on so you subconsciously project it onto yourself and your surroundings.


I did start to consider this today, but like you say.. Without anything else to project the fear upon its like "what do I do with this sensation... What can I move onto that will take it all away". I know its becoming a serious problem though as I've seriously started to consider bad things which I need not go into. Thankfully I am 99% sure I'm not stupid enough (or strong enough) to actually carry them out. Its just when you struggle to comprehend the very foundations of your everyday thoughts and feelings, it really does invade every single thing that you do and this is nothing short of unbareable.

I find it interesting that you were able to consider these thoughts after recovery and not be bothered by them? I mean, are you literally able to sit and think quite clearly about this stuff and have no worries whatsoever? Even that is incomprehensible for me but hearing that this is a possiblity does give me great hope


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## Claymore

I agree with all you guys. When I was normal, I can't remember ever having a thought about how our bodies and minds work. I never cared. I LOVED being high on weed and how cool it was to get so high stuff starts turning blue and purple in the moonlight and stuff. But if I smoke now, my mind goes nuts like i'm having a panic attack and I go to the E.R. everytime. And thoughts about my internals scare the crap out of me. I never thought about how 90% of my body is liquid!!!.


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## Guest

Claymore said:


> I agree with all you guys. When I was normal, I can't remember ever having a thought about how our bodies and minds work. I never cared. I LOVED being high on weed and how cool it was to get so high stuff starts turning blue and purple in the moonlight and stuff. But if I smoke now, my mind goes nuts like i'm having a panic attack and I go to the E.R. everytime. And thoughts about my internals scare the crap out of me. I never thought about how 90% of my body is liquid!!!.


Yeah me too, with smoking pot. Every time it has made DP worse 100 times!


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## PositiveThinking!

RenZimE said:


> I did start to consider this today, but like you say.. Without anything else to project the fear upon its like "what do I do with this sensation... What can I move onto that will take it all away". I know its becoming a serious problem though as I've seriously started to consider bad things which I need not go into. Thankfully I am 99% sure I'm not stupid enough (or strong enough) to actually carry them out. Its just when you struggle to comprehend the very foundations of your everyday thoughts and feelings, it really does invade every single thing that you do and this is nothing short of unbareable.
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> I find it interesting that you were able to consider these thoughts after recovery and not be bothered by them? I mean, are you literally able to sit and think quite clearly about this stuff and have no worries whatsoever? Even that is incomprehensible for me but hearing that this is a possiblity does give me great hope


I guess that after recovery you're just back to your old self, that doesn't really fear thoughts, that might be why


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## Claymore

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Yeah me too, with smoking pot. Every time it has made DP worse 100 times!


Yeah dude. Pot gives me a VERY cerebral INTENSE high now. Its crazy what it feels like now compared to what it did pre-DP.


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## Guest

Claymore said:


> Yeah dude. Pot gives me a VERY cerebral INTENSE high now. Its crazy what it feels like now compared to what it did pre-DP.


Yeah! I really loved being a pothead, getting high, chillin, you know? Before smoking weed I didn't really fit in to any other groups. It gave me an identity. Which is part of the reason why I kept smoking for 2 years after DP, regularly, even though it made DP 100 times worse.


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## Claymore

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Yeah! I really loved being a pothead, getting high, chillin, you know? Before smoking weed I didn't really fit in to any other groups. It gave me an identity. Which is part of the reason why I kept smoking for 2 years after DP, regularly, even though it made DP 100 times worse.


I couldn't handle it. My brain would explode. No more weed for me.


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## RenZimE

I wish I could empathise with you guys but I've never touched the wacky backy







It does kinda make me feel that much more messed up knowing that all this wasn't brought on through substance abuse, but from my own mind. Its crazy that your own mind can be scared of itself lol. What sense does that make?









Can any of you weed smokers vouch for the statement that a DP episode is very much like the sensation of being high? If so I really cant see the appeal at all lol. I guess theres a difference between getting that high for fun and having to live with it on a daily basis though, huh.


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## PositiveThinking!

RenZimE said:


> I wish I could empathise with you guys but I've never touched the wacky backy
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> It does kinda make me feel that much more messed up knowing that all this wasn't brought on through substance abuse, but from my own mind. Its crazy that your own mind can be scared of itself lol. What sense does that make?
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> Can any of you weed smokers vouch for the statement that a DP episode is very much like the sensation of being high? If so I really cant see the appeal at all lol. I guess theres a difference between getting that high for fun and having to live with it on a daily basis though, huh.


You know what really sucks? Suffering from DP/DR daily, and then having a friend that pays 15 euros a day to get high every night. It gets me frustrated, makes me want to smash him in the face and tell him "You're actually paying for something I wish would go away with all my strenght, you don't deserve anything good in your life" , but I just can't do that.


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## Guest

RenZimE said:


> I wish I could empathise with you guys but I've never touched the wacky backy
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> It does kinda make me feel that much more messed up knowing that all this wasn't brought on through substance abuse, but from my own mind. Its crazy that your own mind can be scared of itself lol. What sense does that make?
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> Can any of you weed smokers vouch for the statement that a DP episode is very much like the sensation of being high? If so I really cant see the appeal at all lol. I guess theres a difference between getting that high for fun and having to live with it on a daily basis though, huh.


I've never equated having DP as being how getting High used to feel. No way...


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## RenZimE

ThoughtOnFire said:


> I've never equated having DP as being how getting High used to feel. No way...


I dunno where I heard it.. But I remember them being adament that its how it feels :/ Either way, I'm kinda glad I haven't dabbled in that kind of stuff. (Not to a serious degree anyway







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## Guest

RenZimE said:


> I dunno where I heard it.. But I remember them being adament that its how it feels :/ Either way, I'm kinda glad I haven't dabbled in that kind of stuff. (Not to a serious degree anyway
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I've heard it more than a few times here on the forum. I guess for some people it's how they feel. It might have to do with unbalanced chemicals in the brain.


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## ElectricRelaxation

When it comes to DP, cannabis is a double-edged sword. There was one time when I smoked during DP that the anxiety was so strong I started over-analyzing everything, went into a state of panic for 30 minutes, and when the high ended I felt cured of my DP, but unfortunately it only lasted for two days before the irrational thoughts triggered it back again. Weed has a weird reaction with dopamine, you can be sitting there high out of your mind listening to music but still have strong feelings of motivation/drive to succeed. When you have heavy anxiety that has no immediate solution, it is so strong that it completely over-powers that motivation and crashes into it like a fucking car wreck. Unfortunately this "car wreck" is in your brain and DP/DR is the result.

I have found that running and especially sprinting for at least 45 minutes followed by a cold shower significantly helps a ton of my DP symptoms, especially the anxiety which can allow me to even smoke sometimes and have a clear headed almost anxiety-free high. I also think the endorphin release has alot to do with this as well. Smoking weed after the endorphin release of a 45 minute run/sprint creates a body high that is very similar to low dose codeine. When my body feels that good even when a little anxiety hits I can rationalize it with positive forward thinking thoughts. I've read alot on this board about opiod/pain receptors and healing DP. I think there is a huge connection.

Leaving the house and getting out there to run is a whole different problem. Going for runs during hours when less people are roaming the streets is the ideal choice for me at the moment. You never really think staying home and enjoying weed for days on end could be a problem, until you get high and trigger some incredibly stupid deep thought, and it's too late.


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## guest1234

RenZimE said:


> I did start to consider this today, but like you say.. Without anything else to project the fear upon its like "what do I do with this sensation... What can I move onto that will take it all away". I know its becoming a serious problem though as I've seriously started to consider bad things which I need not go into. Thankfully I am 99% sure I'm not stupid enough (or strong enough) to actually carry them out. Its just when you struggle to comprehend the very foundations of your everyday thoughts and feelings, it really does invade every single thing that you do and this is nothing short of unbareable.
> 
> I find it interesting that you were able to consider these thoughts after recovery and not be bothered by them? I mean, are you literally able to sit and think quite clearly about this stuff and have no worries whatsoever? Even that is incomprehensible for me but hearing that this is a possiblity does give me great hope


Re the not having any thing to project the fear onto - this is where not avoiding things and places comes into it, and also finding other things to focus your attention onto. It's like, if you fake normal for long enough, then it becomes your new habit and overrides the DP and eventually you actually merge into feeling normal again without faking it, if that makes sense.

Seriously, yes, I can think about all these things and honestly do not care.


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