# WTF is the point of going on



## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

I feel worse daily. I cant take watching my life go by me anymore, i cant stand watching my parents age, I cant take the guilt i feel about fucking my life up up for them. When i think about when i was a child, all they did for me, it makes me feel sick. I cant take the bullshit with the drs, who clearly dont know what is wrong with me or what to do. i just cant take all this shit anymore, the constant panic, the weird feeling, this fucking shit in my head. I feel like im in hell.


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## ihavetomakethis (Dec 23, 2010)

Man im on the same road ass you , i havent even telld my parents.......


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

I understand you. I can only offer you a huge hug.


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## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

Bosko said:


> I feel worse daily. I cant take watching my life go by me anymore, i cant stand watching my parents age, I cant take the guilt i feel about fucking my life up up for them. When i think about when i was a child, all they did for me, it makes me feel sick. I cant take the bullshit with the drs, who clearly dont know what is wrong with me or what to do. i just cant take all this shit anymore, the constant panic, the weird feeling, this fucking shit in my head. I feel like im in hell.


Hi Bosco. I understand what you mean. It's incredibly difficult to live with this. Getting through the day is a challenge. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that one day I will feel better. Sometimes I have to think about the simplest of things to feel better like having a roof over my head, food and clean water, and access to medication and therapy. Hang in there.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

its just all this shit. EVery day the fear, the feeling. i cant do it anymore.


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## Strangerdanger (Oct 3, 2010)

Bosko said:


> I feel worse daily. I cant take watching my life go by me anymore, i cant stand watching my parents age, I cant take the guilt i feel about fucking my life up up for them. When i think about when i was a child, all they did for me, it makes me feel sick. I cant take the bullshit with the drs, who clearly dont know what is wrong with me or what to do. i just cant take all this shit anymore, the constant panic, the weird feeling, this fucking shit in my head. I feel like im in hell.


I feel the same. especially when I look at my parents, I want so bad to make them proud but it feels impossible with DP hanging over my head.I havent told them but I feel a lot of guilt. It's not our fault we got DP it just happened and something we have to work through. It sucks so much dick< lol but you have to find hope somewhere it might seem like you are telling yourself a lie, but just say its going to get better. Lie to yourself man. and It will get better.


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## kaitlyn_b (Jun 9, 2010)

Bosko, a portion of my journal entry for may 12 2010 says "God I don't care about my life or if I live or die, but I'm hurting my mom and she can't stand seeing me this way, so if not for me, please can you help me for her?"
Today, I am so much better that I can't even remember feeling that tortured. Please just keep pushing. Relief will come with time.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

I had a full mental breakdown today, Panic attack that i cant even explain. I was running around my house, drinking whiskey in a dressing gown lol. Thankfully this has all come out in the open now, and hopefully this will lead to me getting help. Or i will just get worse and probably kill myself. I just pray to god there is a dr who can help me. I feel good though!


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