# Does anyone else have Agrophobia?



## BenElger (Feb 8, 2012)

Hi everyone,
I was just wondering if anyone else has developed agrophobia from dp/dr? I hava a fear of becoming delusional or psychotic and this fear feeds my derealization i think. I find it really hard to go outside since I feel like i'm going to lose control of myself and kill myself or just be genereally insane! 
The Derealization causes obsessive thoughts about existence, I look at a blue sky and think about space and how big the universe is and is it all really here, how can it be real?it feels overwhelming and then life feels fake because i'm picking it apart so much. Where as people without dp/dr just see a beautiful blue sky. Is there any way of getting past these thoughts? I can't see it happening, they've been here for 7 months and I don't know what to do, does CBT work? meds don't seem to work I tried Prozac and anafranil and it just made me feel even more weird and numb and in my own head.
I just can't seem to stop these thoughts, they seem almost important, like if i don't figure it out i'm never going to be able to feel comfortable in reality again because it's fake, it feels extra extra fake, like im almost watching a movie. I feel like it could almost dissapear with a blink of an eye.Also if I stand somewhere for too long I become like hyper aware of my own existence and everything around me and I just don't understand and can't grasp how it can be real, I feel extra dumb, why can't I just accept it? 
Could anyone help me? I'am grateful to anyone who replies.
Thank You.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

hey there... i could have written this myself... word for word... i have the existential thoughts on a loop in my head.... i feel like i realized some sort of behind the scenes sorta thing about life that no one else realizes.... i feel like i dunno why i am here and why my surroundings are here... i feel like i cant accept it... like i am just learning it for the first time... the concept of life seems baffling.... can u relate.. be happy to hear all ur weird thoughts.. im sure i could relate to all of em... all i can tell u is what i have been told... is that these thoughts are a protective mechanism that happens wen u get too anxious.... u cant make sense of ur feelings so it gets projected onto ur surroundings... i get so frightened by these thoughts.. i feel like as long as i am alive i can never feel save because i dunno how i am here.... is this u?


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## Guest (Mar 10, 2012)

I get agoraphobia, but it's not from existential thoughts, more from projection of things that will most likely NOT happen to me, e.g. running out into the road and killing myself, getting stabbed or raped, having a panic attack infront of people, etc etc.

As for the existential thoughts, I wrong this on katiej's post and I can't really explain it better than I did there, so think of it this way...

I am like an ant, in my colony, and whatever the bigger things in life do or are all about, this is not my business, I don't know, and I don't need to care/know. My business is to be a good and happy ant and take responsibility for my place in this life. Because nomatter how small I am compared to the bigger things, I AM important, I DO have a purpose, and I am here to grow in size and in spirit. I am small, and small is the range where my thoughts only need to be. Any further and I become an unhappy ant. A scaredy ant. I am not supposed to take on the responsibility or thoughts of those bigger than I am. So I don't.

Ever since I started thinking like this, my existential thoughts were GONE. I was kind of amazed tbh. All along that was what my rational mind had been saying to me but when I really focused on what it had been saying, I could put it into words - and then something clicked. No more existential questioning. It might not work for some people but it was my "cure"!


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## BenElger (Feb 8, 2012)

hey there... i could have written this myself... word for word... i have the existential thoughts on a loop in my head.... i feel like i realized some sort of behind the scenes sorta thing about life that no one else realizes.... i feel like i dunno why i am here and why my surroundings are here... i feel like i cant accept it... like i am just learning it for the first time... the concept of life seems baffling.... can u relate.. be happy to hear all ur weird thoughts.. im sure i could relate to all of em... all i can tell u is what i have been told... is that these thoughts are a protective mechanism that happens wen u get too anxious.... u cant make sense of ur feelings so it gets projected onto ur surroundings... i get so frightened by these thoughts.. i feel like as long as i am alive i can never feel save because i dunno how i am here.... is this u?

Katiej - I'm so glad i'm not the only one who thinks/feels like this, I can definatetly relate to what you're saying & I can see myself in the thoughts you have, so if you have depersonalization then I must have it too, even though I wish none of us did..... I have all these emotions/thoughts that I have never felt before and they are truly overwhelming. I'd be happy to chat to you and tell you some of my thoughts & what it feels like for me.

I get agoraphobia, but it's not from existential thoughts, more from projection of things that will most likely NOT happen to me, e.g. running out into the road and killing myself, getting stabbed or raped, having a panic attack infront of people, etc etc.

Beth - I can relate to this too as I don't think it's the thoughts, it's the feelings I've attached to them, the feelings of losing control/going insane etc etc, so I reckon once I get over the fact I won't (which I hope I won't!!!) then maybe I won't fear these thoughts. Looking at the thing you said about being an ant definately helps to put it into perspective that it is just a thought and it's a good way of looking at it, so thank you very much for that!.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

yes ofcourse i would be happy to chat anytime at all.... it really is awful... and scarey because it rips away ur very self and surroundings u once felt at home in... so then there is comfort no where... the good news is that it is a disorder so it can be reversed... but i can relate to feeling like its just you, and no one else has these exact thoughts.. i can assure u i have had em all... if u wanna talk or ask anything.. fire ahead.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Sounds like a fear of fear. Perfectly undertandable. I have trouble getting out of the house, which is probably from fear but my brain does a good job of blocking all that out, which is good and bad. I kind of stay internal and withdrawn because I'm affraid of getting in trouble or not fitting in or not reacting right or all
sorts of things....

I sugget some mindfulness, it takes time to kick in, but in the end it can help you get through anything. Part of this might also be acceptance and understanding of dp for you. Understanding that it's not psychosis and that you won't loose it, but there is something happening and you can take steps to deal with it and get more control
back on your side


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## Lauren318 (Apr 15, 2012)

Hi Elger. You have the same obsessions that I do. I'm 27 and have had similar thoughts since age 12. That doesn't mean you will be plagued by them for that long. Anti depressants do nothing for me either. As far as your thoughts go, I understand. These thoughts are terribly unsettling. I walk around all day with thoughts swirling around in my head about the nature of existence, how we got here, everything looks weird and the biggest one, is everything just a figment of my imagination ? Some people will have these thoughts and be fascinated by them. For us, we are terrified and we want answers. I'm glad you posted this because if you are real then I'm not alone with these thoughts. I just don't understand how everyone else can walk around this earth and not feel troubled by existential thoughts. How can my friends go and get manicures and pedicures and do normal girly things while I'm freaking out about how I got here?


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## Flea (Oct 15, 2011)

Its comforting for me to read things like this thread.

I too have thoughts like this, and yes looking into the sky scares the shit out of me sometimes.
I have also had the thoughts of, maybe I'm just privvy to these thoughts and feelings, almost like I have seen the matrix...

I was diagnosed as agorophobic a few years back, its only in the past year that I explained my feelings to someone on a helpline and they suggested dp/dr, I obviously googled it straight away and became almost euphoric, I wasnt alone anymore...

I go out and lead as 'normal' a life as possible, I was really bad 6 months ago, I didnt want to leave the house, but I pushed and pushed myself to do all the regular things a mum of 3 kids should be doing. I found the more 'normal' things I did, the more I felt like my old self. I still struggle from time to time but I'm determined to carry on bringing my brain out of this fug... I'm getting there.

Just keep on plugging away, because the thing is, all the things you think about and might do, you could quite easily do them in your own house... But you dont, we are all in control, we prove this to ourselves everyday, because we dont 'go mad' we dont throw ourselves in front of a car, and we havent hurt anyone because we thought we might lose control of ourselves.

Muchos love amigos


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## BenElger (Feb 8, 2012)

Wow, thank you for all your replies, I have only just seen them or I would've replied earlier. It's also very comforting to know that i'm not alone and that it is just dp/dr! I hope you're all doing ok!


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

hey.. have any of these thoughts lifted for you? mine went away for a while but now i seem to be right bak where i was... a set bak i guess.... very upsetting... i cry because i am afraid to be alive and have no choice.. i come up with little theories in my head as to why i have these thoughts... which confuses me more..!


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## luulaphant91 (May 1, 2012)

Although I had never been truly _afraid_ to go outside, I have always hated leaving the house. I create a little cave of safety in my room and I can stay there for days at a time. I'm always afraid that if I leave, there will be things that I can't deal with, but as long as I'm in my room, nothing can get at me. This is especially true on days when I'm feeling particularly depersonalized. But then yesterday I had to go to school even though I was feeling fuzzy and I fully depersonalized in the middle of campus. It was completely terrifying, and I've been really scared of leaving the house since then. It was like everything I was afraid would happen happened. Thankfully, I'm starting to feel a bit better about it. My therapist helped me set up a safety plan for if it ever happens again, and I'm not supposed to leave the house if I feel that way. Just having a plan makes me feel a lot better. If you're OK at doing things on autopilot while depersonalized, I recommend making a plan like that. If I know ahead of time that I'm supposed to do it, it's a lot easier for me to sort of sleepwalk my way through the actions.


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## mp0284 (Apr 29, 2012)

Hi All,
Its amazing how much I can relate to these posts, thank you all for sharing. There are so many times where I feel alone with these thoughts, so many times I convince myself I'm going crazy and need to be admit myself to a psych hospital. I've had thoughts that maybe I'm schizophrenic, that one day I'll snap and everything inside will come out in an explosion. I've developed what I consider agoraphobia, I've moved back to live with my parents without a car, job, and no idea how I'm going to begin rejoining "the real world". People I've known for years, family members, etc. I've resorted to ignoring phone calls, texts, etc. This happens only out of panic/anxiety, coupled with wanting to fade into the background because I've lost sense of how to communicate on a human level. All I crave is sleep so I can check out of "the matrix". If anyone would like to talk further, feel free to message me. Thank you and I send out hope to all who can relate, or have their own battles with their anxiety.


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