# Feelings coming back but they are all very negative



## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Recently I have been having a lot more feelings coming back but they are nearly all very negative about my self image and self esteem. I keep thinking about all the freindships I have lost and how all the people I know I far more "with it" and living normal lives and have good social lives and it makes me feel so bad about myself and makes me think that I am such a looser. What is worse is that I keep thinking about a girl I met at university who I had to basically turn down and cut out my life even though I had strong feelings for because I felt like it was the best thing to do because I was ashamed to reall admitt I was having mental stuggles, but I cant stop thinking about her even though it was years ago and I havnt seen her for many years, I feel like a pretty sad case still thinking about a girl from years ago. It feels like everyone is going out and having fun and really living life but im just too sensitive to really deal with life, so an emotional knock which would barely register with most people can really hurt me. Its like im too emotionally weak or sensitive to deal with life.

I suppose this is why I had dp because I couldnt face up to these negative feelings so I suppose the only way is to try to accept these feelings or I will get more dp again. Its very hard trying to accept such bad stuff and not run away from the feelings though, im not sure I can handle it or even want to.


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## flipwilson (Aug 19, 2006)

Im right there with ya Pablo. I had issues before but could always deal or push them back in my mind. Ever since DP its like im inverted, and all the crap is at the front of my mind. I too have delt with everything you mentioned and i feel like ive lost the ability to cope..atleast when im not numb as hell. I too have had to push ladies away cause i feel i cant relate emotionally any longer and it just wouldnt be fair to them. Im hoping my new therapy sessions with a somatic release therapist will help me deal with this.

Peace.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

I always thought that when I became less numb and the feelings came back I would start to feel good but no its not how it works, I suppose its inevitable you have to face up to the reasons why you became dp or numb in the first place so that means facing up to feeling really crap about myself.

I feel like I should be in a good mental state to have a proper relationship otherwise I will always feel like I am just bringing my problems and dumping them on the other person and im always really wary of people just feeling sorry for me and I would hate for someone to be with me for pity.

I hope your therapy works out flipwilson, I just checked out your art in the poetry/art bit and you are one talented guy, it reminded me a bit of the artwork on the Gorillaz videos, I would like to have a way of expressing myself like that im sure it would help to get things out.


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## Guest (Apr 9, 2007)

Be happy your emotions are back they will balance after a while probably. Just try to look positive at it, your finally becoming normal


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## flipwilson (Aug 19, 2006)

I totally agree. When i started to feel again i got annoyed that i was so depressed and i failed to realize the positive fact that atleast i was feeling and then boom i go numb again. As much as it sucks id rather feel all that sh*t than feel nothing. Mental is right, go with it, embrace it and know recovery is one step closer. Thanks for the props on the art by the way.


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

Sorry to hear you are feeling down Pablo 



Pablo said:


> I always thought that when I became less numb and the feelings came back I would start to feel good but no its not how it works, I suppose its inevitable you have to face up to the reasons why you became dp or numb in the first place so that means facing up to feeling really crap about myself.


Yes I think you have that right. You still have to heal the underlying wounds.

I also feel like an idiot for thinking about girls I used to like. I've let a lot of girls pass me by because I was too afraid to tell them how I've felt. So same boat here man.

Just remember that you don't have to repeat your past and the fear will always control you if you let it. Its ok to be afraid and to feel down, so don't beat yourself up for it


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Oh, I've never let a man go by without him knowing my emotions for him. Don't know why that is. Anyway Pablo, weakness is a powerful thing. And these emotions are yours, and you can feel them. Life has many good things in store, it just throws up the bad stuff to keep you occupied. So keep pursuing your dream of a woman who is right for you, and she will come when you least expect it. It's not wrong to think of people who you knew in the past...sometimes it takes a while till things become clear to you. I still think of men I have dated and why the same lessons are coming up again and again. These things are destined to haunt you until you are at one with them. So reach out to someone you are attracted to. Send some flowers to someone you secretly admire and feel good about yourself for being a little bit cheeky in your plan.  This pain just means you wanna be more confident about yourself.


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2007)

> Snakes with tits!


 :lol:


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## Cam (Dec 13, 2006)

You gave him some great advice Rozanne, but then give him the razz emoticon  
:lol: What's that about?


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## chris51 (Mar 21, 2005)

I am there also. My DP has lessened but WOW it is hard dealing with the negative emotions. I never thoght I suffered from low self esteem or low self image but I am so down on myself and find myself having regrets about alot of things in my life. ALmost like the DP lifted and I can actually "see" and feel. I once posted that the DP was easier to deal with. I am working though the negative emotions that the DP was hiding. Sometimes when it gets to tough to feel I feel the DP kicking in. But I know I am bigger than the DP and whatever the DP was hiding. I am me. I CAN work through this. 
I recently sort out therapy to help me through this part. THerapy made my DP worse but the stuff it was hiding.....I THINK I need help sorting though.

Good luck!


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

One is cheeky, that is what the  icon means to say.

Bah, snakes have a bad name, check out the kundalini snakes:


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2007)

kundalini snake: Uncomfortable shivers.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Dear Pablo,
That missed opportunity was in the past and you are now living in the present with that experience in your consciousness. If you are ready for it, you can cast self-doubt aside and believe in yourself. There are many people out there who would like to have a relationship with you if you have positive attitude of gratitude to yourself and of them, that's all it takes in most cases: being grateful for the other and accepting peoples' gratitude of you, it really deepens relationships, not to mention open the doors of intimacy. To build gratitude towards yourself, it helps to be loved. If you feel you aren't ready for a relationship, you can build it in other ways by enjoying being yourself. That means appreciating the quirks of your life's path and valuing that it has made you the person you are today. There's no way of knowing how things would have turned out otherwise. Mental illness/disorder isn't the end of the world and certainly doesn't make you unloveable. In fact it makes you sort of interesting doesn't it. You are experiencing life in your own special way and could be a breath of fresh air to someone who has always lived in the box, as it were. Or you could just think of yourself as being ill; that's okay. It doesn't make you less of a person, just unwell and in need of being cared for well. There is no harm in being sensitive if you can learn to live with it.
With love
Rozanne


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Thanks a lot for the replies from everyone, I dont often like to post too personal stuff on the internet but these replies really did make me feel supported. You give great advice Rozanne, it is clear to me that you have a big heart and I think you are right that this pain means that I want to be confident in myself, but I cant force myself to be confident which is what I tried to do in the past by trying to act that way, I think that is a big reason why I was dissociated so much because i couldnt face up to a lot of negative feelings about myself and I was trying to get away from them by acting confident and acting the way I would like to be rather than accepting the way I really was.

I suppose its natural that you think about missed opportunities when not much is happening in your life, I just feel like a sad case sometimes that I cant get a girl out of my head from years ago, she even appears in my dreams sometimes  , I guess I just need to get out and socialise and meet more people and learn to live with being me and not trying to "act", either that or take up stalking. I just feel at the minute though that I cant be in a relationship until I have sorted myself out and am alright on my own, then I wont be dependant on the other person.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

I think you are taking the meaning of it too literally. It's your unconscious sending a big signal to your conscious self. You have to decipher it. I wouldn't chastise myself for having urges to connect. It's the essense of loving life to share it with somebody else.

Seeing it as a period of inspiration is probably for the best. She and you have moved on and there are plenty more inspiring people out there who are ready to connect. Just opening yourself to the beauty in everyone else may also make you feel better about yourself.


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