# Well its been a while



## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Well guys I recovered two years ago. Got on with my life and two years later after months of chronic pain and stress I jad a massive panic attack and now im back in dp land and im lost and frightened. Ill say how I feel and maybe some can relate. I just dont recognise my life at all or my home or any place for that matter or myself. I know this is dp dr but the thoughts that I get are so very frightening. I keep thinking of my life and thought processes from the outside and and makes everything seem fake and pointless. I think how I was born here and learned all of this around me and thats why ive always thought it was normal and now im thinking well maybe I just dont know any different so thats why ive always just accepted life. I guess none of that makes sense. I think that my brain is trying to rationalize the dp feeling with thoughts which is why it feels like jibberish. I just feel scared at everything I look at and think why is that there and why am I in this picture. I feel cut off from everything I know almost like I know nothing at all. I told myself if I ever got this again that I would know these thoughts are all just bullcrap and come with this state of mind. But I again am scared of them cause dp feels like the truth and life feels like the delusion. Can people relate ? Cannot believe I went back into this state after two years of complete normality. I guess its what my mind does when reality becomes far too overwhelming.


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## mar (May 26, 2017)

hi! i'm sorry you're going through this again. hopefully you will recover soon! 
i've read some of your old posts when i googled my own symtoms. Seems like we have similar symtoms.
How did you recover 2 years ago? did you take any meds?


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## brianjones (Sep 14, 2011)

Yeah I am back in the void again too and I had been good for about four years.

It sucks this time round.

Very hard dealing with the thoughts. I'm terrified that I am completely alone--like on a philosophical level there is no way to get out of my mind. All human connection is just an illusion. I am also terrified that I am nothing but flesh and my own body kinda scares me because I am so disgusted by it. Also the meaningless of existence is so overwhelming that it is terrifying. I feel like I've become enlightened again and that there is no other option but suicide because I cannot return back to normalcy. I've felt like this before and I know I can overcome it but god dam. Just four months ago I had a good job, a girlfriend, I was happy and enjoying life, and a few panic attacks later and I'm just totally fucked.

Fuck.

I'm sorry, for the both of us haha. Anyways, keep on keeping on.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Aw guys I feel you. I am literally petrified. I feel like It doesnt make sense to exist. Havent a clue who I am and keep thinking about my brain and why I always just accepted this as reality. My parents brought me here but I had no choice so I should just get on with it ? But it feels so wrong. Do you guys feel like everything is soo unfamiliar. Like its from a past life but theres no current moment. I also feel like ive been ripped clear of my past and my self and opinions. Im like who is my bf and dog. Last time I got out of it I.went back on my ssri and I fought the first while then accepted it and walked around despite it but this time its like thats just not possible I don't wanna be here or something.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

And Brian I feel u about the enlightened thing I feel like I know too much and will never be okay with it. Also felt that last time tho as u didn


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Did*


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

katiej said:


> Do you guys feel like everything is soo unfamiliar. Like its from a past life but theres no current moment. I also feel like ive been ripped clear of my past and my self and opinions.


Totally relate to this. Sorry to hear that it came back. I hope that you are able to get out of it again soon.


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