# What is your experience with religion and how do you think it has affected your DP?



## Spencer (Jan 4, 2012)

So here's my story with religion. I grew up in a Christian home. Both of my parents are religious. Not to the extreme, but they're pretty serious about it. So I grew up as a Christian. That was all I knew. I didn't question it. I believed my parents. God created the universe and our purpose in life was to serve god and hopefully get into heaven. I had a pretty solid understanding of what the meaning of life was. Now, fast forward about ten years and I am a teenager, roughly around 14 years old. This is when I first began questioning religion and everything I had been taught about what life is and the purpose of our existence. Around this same time, oddly enough, I had my first slight episode of derealization. It was as if my whole foundation of what I had believed my entire life was crumbling to pieces. Existential thoughts were running wild throughout my mind. As I grew older, my doughts about religion grew stronger, and when I was 17, I had full blown DP/DR triggered by a bad pot experience. I truly believe that my movement away from Christianity was a huge factor in the development of my DP, and the weed just lit the fuse. Has anyone had a similar experience? A different one? Please share.


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## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

Well I can relate a while.

I Grow up in a "Christian" home because my mother is Catholic.

My dad is an Atheist.

So I would go to the church and I would reach home to listen from my dad

"God doesn't exist".

So it moved,I turned out to be an atheist at 12,yes very young.

I Already questioned it,but after I began an atheist,not because my father told me those things,but because I wanted to see why my dad didn't believe,and I searched,studied,and turned out as an atheist.

At 14,15 I would start questioning Death,and I reached to the conclusion that Death was the end.Of everything.Of my consciouness.

I Wouldn't even know that I existed,after that realization,life seemed so unfair,so ridiculous,we would do things,for...uh..nothing.Just for dying.

I Still have these conclusion.I'm not pride of it...you know.

Sometimes I Feel a relapse of happiness when doing something,or achieving something,later on I'll think:

"I'll just die...this will have no meaning for the universe...my sons will die,and their sons will die too,and so it goes.One day people will forget about my existence.Everyone..."

It's fucking scary.

I Don't fear suffer after dying,because for me there's no dying.But I fear DEATH,in a ridiculous way.It's not a simple fear,it's a deep one,probably my deepest fear.

That maybe even contribuited to the fact that I never fighted in my life,or got in trouble.The fear of non-existence doesn't let me.

And with DR(I do mainly suffer from DR,no DP)this just got to a whole new level...I fear dying...and I fear having DR forever,so only death could save me.But I'm so coward that I would never suicide,and I would be trapped inside this forever.

Well,or maybe cowards are those ones who suicide because they don't want to suffer isn't it?

I just know that I'll not do it.And I'll fix my DR.


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## Spencer (Jan 4, 2012)

If you WANT to get better then you WILL get better. And suicide isn't the answer. I used to be the same way; so terrified of death and what was on the other side, especially if there would be nothing. At one time I considered myself to be an atheist, but not anymore. I'm not religious, but I do have spiritual beliefs. I'd consider myself to be non-dualist, or New Age, or whatever you wanna call it. This type of thinking began to appeal to me after I got DP. I think that we are eternal and we never really die, as we are one with each other and the universe. We ARE the univerese. All matter is composed of the same material: atoms. So everything is connected, even though it may not seem like it. And the universe is infinite. As are we. Make sense? Lol that's my opinion I may be wrong.


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## googleeyes (Apr 25, 2012)

Spencer,

When you have faith in a religion you have all of the answers right at your fingertips. They may not be correct, but they are there. In choosing to move away from your religion you are forced to forge your own path. Your questions regarding life no longer have answers. It can be scary, and perhaps it contributed to the underlying anxiety that paved the way for dp. However, I wouldn't spend to long dwelling on this fact. Try to be content in knowing that you are not alone in not knowing what life is about. Focus on what is real to you, not what itsn't.


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