# Lost and not knowing who I am



## fmac (Oct 13, 2016)

I didn't came here for a while because I am exausted of all this situation and went throught a withdrawal of lithium.

Feel dead inside after these years of battling these situations involving psych. Still blank minded after two years, now confused with lack of concentration, empty, lack of feelings and most days alone with my brain shutted down, just existing and not knowing where to go and how to talk to people because I am really disorganized and memory is a shot.

Don't know what this is and it is difficult talk to doctors and psychologists about this situation, they told I am depressed but can't feel sadness.

I am fragmented and left the job I was taking months ago because I wasn't there, my mind is and was somewhere I can't access.

Probably I am brain damaged or have DID with shifts in reality and perception of space, maybe those stressful feelings back the years I had passed throught drugs and pre-existing illness did a shutdown in soul, personality and meaning of life I don't know. After years still take medication to manage symptoms and anxiety I am tired of all this crazy mental processes.

I ask, what are your recomendations for spiritual guide? To mention that I am praticing yoga nearby.


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## Amethysteyes (Jun 9, 2018)

Just know ur not brain damaged. My dp and dr was caused by antidepressant use and its withdrawal from stopping it and also marijuana use (only twice) and its been three years and i still have it. I have very similar symptoms even with the perception change. Just remember its a mental process thats stuck around for a long long time thats totally reversable. And everything ur experiancing is probably a mix of dp/dr and depression and i get it to. You can be depressed without feeling any emotions at all and its absolutely devastating not feeling anything, even sadness. I also have terrible anxiety as well. Ive found myself where u are and i even felt something like that all month where u feel your soul personality and meaning of life is gone and u cant get yourself back and thats why i clicked ur post cause i can relate. Its like nothing makes sense or has any meaning and theres no point to anything existing. I get bouts of clarity when i start thinking things like "i know what i have is there and i dont care that its there" which is basically accepting its there and ill feel better, like "me" again, even for a few minutes. The reason it keeps coming back is cause its anxiety induced and i dont handle stress well and i feel like ill only be back temporarily. But the point is, i CAN come back and so can you, even just for a couple minutes. Its just gonna take alot of persistance and work which is hard with depression, espessially existential depression which might be what you have but im not a professional. I know i have it. Keep trying to do yoga, socialize the best u can but dont stress yourself out. Stress makes it worse and is what fuels it. Do whatever u can to just get out of your head and thoughts. Just realize you can get out of this void, you just need to accept that its there, whatever the worst part(s) of it is which is different for every individual and to not care that its there and that the recovery is also a process that requires you to have faith in your abilities. Also having a support system really helps. I still have problems and feel dp and dr and everything else every day but its slowly going away and being less frequent. You will have setbacks too where it seems to get better but then it goes back to square one. Dont let that stop you, its part of the process.


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