# Hey guys :) my story



## It's getting better (Jul 27, 2012)

So I had DP/DR when I was 17-18 after some bad mushroom trips and binge drinking episodes. Foolishly I started smoking marijuana again and doing pills (I never stopped drinking during this time). My girlfreind and I had just had a miscarriage and subsequently we broke up because of that, we got back together, but we're not able to spend much time together and I fell apart. I started drinking a lot, doing whip it's and smoking weed for about a month during these issues with her. One night my roommate came home with some DMT and foolishly I mixed it with weed and smoked it. If you don't know it's been called "the most powerful drug on earth". I felt like doing it would give me new understanding, like I would be able to rise up and overcome the struggles I was facing in my life, because I would have gained insight. This was pretty misguided and possibly irrational thinking on my part. So I smoked this stuff and was instantly taken out of my body and thrust into this world of color and energy made up of intense geometrical patterns. It scared me to death and I immediately wanted to stop the experience, I stood up and tried to collect myself. This drug only lasts for ten minutes in reality, but to the user it feels like forever. So I came back down and started to kind of giggle and be like woah I just got my mind blown. So far I felt ok... But then I started to think OMG what if I just really messed myself up. I had taken a huge hit of weed in along with the DMT so I was pretty high, and I tried to have a drink to calm myself down but that only made things worse. I started to have a full blown anxiety attack, I started thinking about my grandfather who had schizophrenia and my mother who had bipolar disorder, even my grandmother who had severe social anxiety and I started to worry I was going insane. This progressed into a full blown state of hopelessness, where I actually thought I had gone insane and was going to lose everything in my life. My girlfreind, my hopes, my goals, my ability to interact with reality. I freaked out big time, words don't really do it justice, but it was the most scared and hopeless I ever felt.

So it's now two months later. I gave up drugs entirely, drinking, everything. I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist gave me Zoloft which I took for only five days, it made my symptoms seem to worsen (at least to me). I've had steady feelings of DP/DR, anxiety and truly bizarre imagery pop into my mind. The imagery is the scariest part, because it makes me feel like I'm going insane whenever it gets intense. I've also noticed how many things look like faces (tons! Lol) which started to freak me out. and the other day I totally hallucinated the smell of weed while sitting around watching jeopardy with my dad, this scared me, but after thinking about it, I think it was just a post traumatic stress reaction to my experience. A strong memory representing itself.

I've been exercising and taking lots of supplements and vitamins. Including 10,000 mg of fish oil every day, which I hear is good for mental health. 
I'll never do another drug in my life (might not even drink) so I guess that's a positive thing.
Anyway that's my story, I have felt better in the past 2 months, but as many of you know it's a slow process.

I'm just looking to lend my support and kind words to those struggling and maybe get some support from all of you







d

Thanks guys, I really do feel better just typing this and joining this community.

- Tom


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## Guest (Jul 27, 2012)

It said:


> So I had DP/DR when I was 17-18 after some bad mushroom trips and binge drinking episodes. Foolishly I started smoking marijuana again and doing pills (I never stopped drinking during this time). My girlfreind and I had just had a miscarriage and subsequently we broke up because of that, we got back together, but we're not able to spend much time together and I fell apart. I started drinking a lot, doing whip it's and smoking weed for about a month during these issues with her. One night my roommate came home with some DMT and foolishly I mixed it with weed and smoked it. If you don't know it's been called "the most powerful drug on earth". I felt like doing it would give me new understanding, like I would be able to rise up and overcome the struggles I was facing in my life, because I would have gained insight. This was pretty misguided and possibly irrational thinking on my part. So I smoked this stuff and was instantly taken out of my body and thrust into this world of color and energy made up of intense geometrical patterns. It scared me to death and I immediately wanted to stop the experience, I stood up and tried to collect myself. This drug only lasts for ten minutes in reality, but to the user it feels like forever. So I came back down and started to kind of giggle and be like woah I just got my mind blown. So far I felt ok... But then I started to think OMG what if I just really messed myself up. I had taken a huge hit of weed in along with the DMT so I was pretty high, and I tried to have a drink to calm myself down but that only made things worse. I started to have a full blown anxiety attack, I started thinking about my grandfather who had schizophrenia and my mother who had bipolar disorder, even my grandmother who had severe social anxiety and I started to worry I was going insane. This progressed into a full blown state of hopelessness, where I actually thought I had gone insane and was going to lose everything in my life. My girlfreind, my hopes, my goals, my ability to interact with reality. I freaked out big time, words don't really do it justice, but it was the most scared and hopeless I ever felt.
> 
> So it's now two months later. I gave up drugs entirely, drinking, everything. I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist gave me Zoloft which I took for only five days, it made my symptoms seem to worsen (at least to me). I've had steady feelings of DP/DR, anxiety and truly bizarre imagery pop into my mind. The imagery is the scariest part, because it makes me feel like I'm going insane whenever it gets intense. I've also noticed how many things look like faces (tons! Lol) which started to freak me out. and the other day I totally hallucinated the smell of weed while sitting around watching jeopardy with my dad, this scared me, but after thinking about it, I think it was just a post traumatic stress reaction to my experience. A strong memory representing itself.
> 
> ...


Drugs are bad. M'kay?


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## It's getting better (Jul 27, 2012)

Haha seriously. Never ever again.


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

wow im so sorry about all bs you went through. it seems like you emerged from this a stronger person and i hope it continues to get better for you.


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## It's getting better (Jul 27, 2012)

Yeah I definitely feel stronger, and more in touch with myself as a person. So in a way all of this is positive, I just wish it wasn't so degrading. I used to feel very comfortable with who I was and how I thought and that has kind of eroded, but hopefully with enough time and patience I can get it back.

P.S. thanks for responding


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## MissK (Oct 11, 2011)

Hey, Im sorry to hear all you have been through, so are you not going to try any other meds?

Im trying to overcome this without meds too and haven't tried any. Its good to hear how positive you are







x


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## It's getting better (Jul 27, 2012)

Yeah I'm the same way, I'm pretty committed to getting through it all without meds. The meds made me feel worse. Zoloft did anyway.

What's been most helpful to me is taking on new tasks and responsibilities. Getting way outside my comfort zone. I just recently started a new internship (I'm still in college) and I started a company with a buddy. As well as taking a ton of credits this summer for school, I figure if I can get out of my own way I can really make some positive changes.

It's only when we have lost everything that we are free to do anything









Keep positive guys, we are all going to be ok if we work and our patient with ourselves and consistent.

I don't know any of you, but I love you already.

Thanks for being there for me


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Exercise, supplements and a healthy diet is the key, alteast in my opinion, and as you are already on all that, you should feel better eventually


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## It's getting better (Jul 27, 2012)

Yeah I totally agree about supplements and exercise. I also think emotional blockages from my past play a big part. I've been disassociating for as long as I can remember. When I was afraid as a little kid I remember doing this.. With therapy and just on my own I've been trying to face all those old fears. It's really tough work, but I feel like its the most important thing for me right now.

Writing a journal and keeping track of my feelings is also helping.

Writing down irrational thoughts and then disproving them is what I find helps the most with anxiety attacks.

Like writing the anxiety "I'm going crazy" and then challenging it "it is extremely rare for people who are going crazy, to be fearful of going crazy" anxiety cannot lead to schizophrenia or bipolar".

That helps, because it's proof that I can think rationally and show evidence of it.

Right now I'm trying to ignore the anxiety when it starts, I've noticed it always starts as a small thought and then I build it up to a full blown attack by feeding the negativity. 
Now I try and not feed the negativity.


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## Guest (Jul 28, 2012)

10,000mg of Fish Oil is TOO MUCH. That amount is unsafe. I believe the highest possible safe recommended amount is 6,000mg. Where mostly you'll hear take around 3,000mg. I don't know what the side effects are. Do a little research on google if you want.


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## It's getting better (Jul 27, 2012)

Yeah I did the research on the fish oil, before I set that dose. 10,000 is the recommended dose for warding off depression (which I'm susceptible to). But I'm only going to keep up 10,000 for another month or so and then go back down to 3,000


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## It's getting better (Jul 27, 2012)

Plus I've been binge drinking every weekend for the last 7 years so I think fish oil is a very good change I've made for my body lol


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