# How Do You Live Without A Plan?



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I know the fact that things like these are now my biggest worry is probably a very good sign but still. It bothers me. I'm at a point with dp where it isn't my biggest worry in life. It's like something running in the background. I don't think about it or obsess about it but it's always there. I still live under the veil of unreality. I am a person now but I'm not the person I was before dp. Everything is still skewed and it's left me at this sort of in between place where I cannot make any concrete plans for my future. The anxiety portion is still bad in that ANY tiny stress makes me snap. I just go from zero to irrational. I zone out badly. I get very angry. I just cannot handle stress. So I'm left just kind of existing. Just floating aimlessly and I cannot stomach it. What exactly am I supposed to do with my life?

The one thing that was very earth shattering to me in ending my marriage was that my life plan was gone. Being married, I had some idea of how things were going to turn out for me. I'd get married, have babies, buy a house, kids would start school, advance in career, buy a bigger house, kids graduate and go to college, be a young empty nester and travel, retire, die. Simple enough. It left me with space to concern myself with incredibly mundane things like how to fill my days with activites and decorate the house and what to make for dinner. Then one day, all of that was gone and I'm still standing around, kind of stunned, wondering what to do now.

I feel like I need a plan. The hardest part of this trial is that dp does not allow me to make a plan. I cannot go to college for fear that I might never be able to handle working and use my degree. Ironically enough, I cannot afford to go to college for anything other than career advancement. Recreational education is not an option. So what? What happens next? Do I just continue to rent apartments and take care of my kids and have absolutely no goals in life except to wake up alive the next morning? You'd think that would be freeing but in truth, it's not. It's terrifying. I don't really know how to cope or what to do next.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

I'm the same here...a while ago I had religion, but I started reading more about it and felt like I disliked it and didn't really want to be "religious"...I have no money to go to school except for like one class a year or two, and I'm not sure my parents will pay for me...I can't meet anyone because I don't really go out, and I'm too young to have children anyway so it's only recreational and the guys are often sleazy...I just hang out all the time by myself. I don't know if I'm going to be able to support myself when I get older or even afford to get my teeth done when their hurt or anything like that ;/ I guess we should read some books on the topic of meaning of life or being happy and stuff like that. I find finding a person who you admire to be more like them sometimes helps. Also trying to develop qualities you like such as being more crafty in your life or whatever...I don't know, I'm not help here.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

babybowrain said:


> I'm the same here...a while ago I had religion, but I started reading more about it and felt like I disliked it and didn't really want to be "religious"...I have no money to go to school except for like one class a year or two, and I'm not sure my parents will pay for me...I can't meet anyone because I don't really go out, and I'm too young to have children anyway so it's only recreational and the guys are often sleazy...I just hang out all the time by myself. I don't know if I'm going to be able to support myself when I get older or even afford to get my teeth done when their hurt or anything like that ;/ I guess we should read some books on the topic of meaning of life or being happy and stuff like that. I find finding a person who you admire to be more like them sometimes helps. Also trying to develop qualities you like such as being more crafty in your life or whatever...I don't know, I'm not help here.


Yeah, it's hard because dp changes the entire game. I know some people force themselves to work. I can't. I have kids that I care for 12 hours a day. That's a full time job in and of itself. I mean, I can go to school. I got grants to cover it but I wonder if going to school is just a waste because I might just get a degree I'll never be able to use. Maybe I just need to keep on truckin. Just live like I don't have dp. Go to school and get a degree and leave the possibility of work for the future? I guess it's just that the last time I had a wide open future was when I was 19 and still naieve enough to believe that lots of things were possible in life. I believed that there was so much possibility and hope in the world. I've gotten over that and see what life is actually about.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

I never had a chance to have a wide open future







I feel like I was always a bit messed up even though my family says I was ok until one day I started having problems when I was a teen but I remember being bullied and having really bad times and stuff. To tell you the truth I kind of want to be a stay at home mom, I think it's a legitimate "career" choice...but I think there's nothing wrong in having a degree and college is kind of an interseting experience in of itself so it might be good...but then it might be difficult, I don't know.


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## snowcat3030 (Sep 30, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> Yeah, it's hard because dp changes the entire game. I know some people force themselves to work. I can't. I have kids that I care for 12 hours a day. That's a full time job in and of itself. I mean, I can go to school. I got grants to cover it but I wonder if going to school is just a waste because I might just get a degree I'll never be able to use. Maybe I just need to keep on truckin. Just live like I don't have dp. Go to school and get a degree and leave the possibility of work for the future? I guess it's just that the last time I had a wide open future was when I was 19 and still naieve enough to believe that lots of things were possible in life. I believed that there was so much possibility and hope in the world. I've gotten over that and see what life is actually about.


Hey Fairypeople, have you considered working casually? When I am sick, my electrical work is the only thing that makes all the DP completely disappear. I have no brain space left for DP when working because if I lapse concentration I could face electric shock etc. And also it takes brainspace to ensure my craftsmanship is top notch. I love work. Also they say that even if you don't use your degree, they have shown that just having one not only improves your pay grade but it improves the quality of your life and can add years onto your life. And if someone is giving you a grant, go for it!! It will never be a waste.


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

I live like that for 5 years (maybe even longer). I don't have any plan for my life. I do things just because I know I should do something with myself, and not because I like it or have plans for the future. The max I think of is the next week. Usualy I think only about the coming day and what I do at that day and how to survive it. It's very hard and tiring living this way. I have lots of days that are very hard for me to deal with. The future scares me very much. There isn't really something I want to do with my life. I'm numb to the world and to myself. I live from day to day without any purpose,joy and excitement.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

EverDream said:


> I live like that for 5 years (maybe even longer). I don't have any plan for my life. I do things just because I know I should do something with myself, and not because I like it or have plans for the future. The max I think of is the next week. Usualy I think only about the coming day and what I do at that day and how to survive it. It's very hard and tiring living this way. I have lots of days that are very hard for me to deal with. The future scares me very much. There isn't really something I want to do with my life. I'm numb to the world and to myself. I live from day to day without any purpose,joy and excitement.


I'm sorry it's like that for you. It's the same for me and I'm sort of used to it, but emotionally it's hard. It's hard to live without really wanting anything, not wanting to help people or want to be great, and not even remembering what you do want...


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

I've been living without a plan for a year now, and to be honest, I think that's what caused my DP to show up.. I began to think about stuff like "What am I going to do with my life?" , and a few days later I experienced DP for the first time.

Anyways, I still don't know what to do, I didn't know a year ago and I don't know now, what I know is that we are made of objectives, and I don't have any, so it's like I don't even exist


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Do what you want to do.


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## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

Inzom said:


> Do what you want to do.


I couldn't agree more. This is your life. Do what makes you happy. Forget about having a plan. The only constant is change.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

feministcat said:


> I couldn't agree more. This is your life. Do what makes you happy. Forget about having a plan. The only constant is change.


I agree absolutely that you should do what you want to do. Freedom is an integral part of being happy.

Making plans though is good! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a life plan.

Also, "the only constant is change" is a contradiction as if it were true then the statement in itself would be subject to the same rule and thus become invalid. It's like saying "there is no such thing as truth." That one there is a truth statement, totally self-detonating.


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