# Ups and Downs



## migsol (Jun 12, 2018)

So, it’s been over 2 years I’ve made a post here! Been on and off of this forum/dealing with this for 5 years and I’m back. My DP/DR came back as a result of my anxiety just being at an all time high. Don’t know if this will apply for everyone, but what really helps me is trying to find the root of the issue.It took me a couple months to finally realize this feeling doesn’t just come out of no where. There were things deep rooted in me I had to deal with. It’s the hardest thing ever to do cause your mind won’t always make everything apparent. DP/DR is a petrifying and horrible feeling, but it’s your minds built in parachute to help you deal with these. Our minds deal with things differently sometimes. Which is fine, but you just have to work 10 times harder to try and figure these issues out and do your best to acknowledge and deal with them. Easier said than done of course, but this all takes time. I’ve been dealing with this since I was 15. I am now 20! It took me back to think I’m in a similar place that I was 5 years ago. Hopeless, anxious, depressed and feeling foggy headed at all times. I had to remind myself that I dealt with it then! I’ve conquered and done the things I wanted to do IN SPITE of this feeling. You just have to work up the courage to take that first step and get yourself going anything. Live your life and do the things you enjoy to do in spite of your feelings. It’s going to be a mighty difficult journey, but in the end you will find yourself feeling better. That’s not to say you’ll hit some bumps on the road.. It sucks and it makes you want to curl up and hide away. That’s okay. Just continue trying and don’t let yourself fall into a deeper state of this anxiety! I’ve found journaling to be of HUGE help. Write these feelings down. How do you feel emotionally, what does your dissociation feel like on that specific day, what do you enjoy doing, what are things that terrify you to do when you feel the DP/DR? There’s always going to be something out there that helps. Never lose hope people! Hope is the first step.


----------



## Bluesky (Jan 8, 2021)

Hello there,

I relate to many of your words, and understand what you mean. As for me, who is in this for 7 years (don't let that scare or discourage you, but then again, you seem to know better), it took me a while to understand that : I was the boss of myself. That I decide, and that I do not have to suffer for no reason. The only reason would be to get through it, and heal better.

But it is mostly ocd that made dpdr harder, and since you talked about the root cause. A really bad ocd, on top of that.

It did take me time to realise I had it. Was it six months ago that I discovered it ?

It's just that it's always been there, so u know.

And I've been through a LOT, in this process of helping myself. It takes courage to feel that fear and not do what we are habituated to do in that case. To find the false beliefs and correct them, to know that u don't have to prove anything to yourself, and many, many other things.

I could write more about that. If u have started your own fight (though, we do not need to fight it but be in peace with ourselves. anyway), then u know there is a lot more to it.

As about journaling, what do u do to not forget or get bored or idk let it go ? Thanks.

May we all find peace.


----------



## migsol (Jun 12, 2018)

firstly sorry for the very late response, it’s been a long road from when I wrote that to where I am now. To answer your specific question though.. I found joy in journaling and being able to trace back my steps and read the things I lived through. I can easily find a record of how I felt on a specific day in regards to my anxiety. I could go back and realize whatever I’m feeling now I’ve felt in the past and survived, it’s honestly so reassuring. The same way we’ve made our anxious thoughts a habit.. you can do the same with journaling. I found it helpful for my anxiety to have a routine!! Which is how I don’t forget. At the end of the night I’ll follow my routine which includes journaling. It takes some practice and actual will power to get into it, but as I said before.. Much like our anxiety, we’ve gotten so used to it that we don’t even notice how we sometimes trigger our own anxious thoughts. Next thing you know it you’ll be unconsciously going to journal at the end of the night. ALSO not to say you should ONLY ever write about the bad because then it’ll seem like such a chore. I found it helpful to write about the good as well. Even if it’s as simple as I was able to go on a walk even when I felt anxious. I managed to get up out of bed and make myself something to eat. Make it fun. It’s YOUR journal and no one else will read it. Go all in. Write any little thing your heart desires. Write about something you found funny that day.

I hope this message finds you well.


----------

