# Just a short rant



## reactor (Nov 10, 2016)

So what the fuck is this disorder? With depression and anxiety at least you're rooted in reality. With this bullshit you're detached from reality and left completely incapacitated to interact with your surroundings in the times you need to the greatest! For example, this all started at the beginning of my most important semester of college. I had big plans to get the highest grades I could and secure a solid internship for the summer. Then boom i get hit with this nonsense and i've been fucked up for the past three months with zero motivation to do anything. Even when I'm normal i need to fucking work hard to do well in my classes. Theres no fucking way my goals are ever going to be achieved with this disorder. I'm definitely going to have to pivot to a less meaningful and fulfilling life path. Thanks a lot brain you fucking suck. "defense mechanism" my ass, and even if I do recover I'll just have to live my life paranoid about encountering stressful situations with the fear that DP will come bite me in my ass.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Totally agree with what you are saying. It's like you're throwing your whole life away for no good reason. You just have to pull yourself through it one way or another. It's worth considering the thought that DP actually is protecting you somehow, and that the alternative would have led you down to something worse. We just don't know at this point in time how it works.

The good part about this whole thing, is that you don't actually have to do something in order to fix it. Other than make yourself feel good and be in the present moment. I myself have a lot of silly tricks up my sleeve. I drink energy drinks because i love them and they give me a energy boost, which make me feel a little more connected to the present moment. I also chew a couple of nicotine gum a day, which have the same effect. It's 100x better then smoking, also very cheap. I don't understand why people prefer smoking over the gum. It's so much more practical. Also music! I listen to music for hours every day. It makes me feel something and connect me to the moment.

Many say it's 100% anxiety. But my personal opinion is that obsession is a big part of the puzzle too. So many times i have felt somewhat good/ok, only to be sucked back in to the black hole of my mind (due to obsession, not feeling anxious). So you have to teach yourself to not obsess. I know, easier said then done.

Also, meds have helped me so much. I've only been on them for a little over 2 weeks. So if you haven't tried it already, please do


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## reactor (Nov 10, 2016)

Its like a perpetual stress loop. I was stressed about getting a job back then. Now i'm 1000000x more stressed because i still need to find a job, and i'm fucked up all the time so my grades are lower and i interview much worse.


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

Lol bro, I think u missing the mark. DP is not something in your brain that is happening to you, DP is about who u are. You dont ''have DP''. Who u are, as your thought, emotions, perception,habits, has lead you to become the way you are now. What u gotta do is change the way u live. There is no DP blocking you to anything


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

I don't necessarily agree with fesh, once again :/ like if that's the attitude that helps you, that's cool, but I think that kind of attitude can actively be harmful to others (eg me, and it kinda sounds like these other two don't exactly benefit from it either).


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Fesh said:


> Lol bro, I think u missing the mark. DP is not something in your brain that is happening to you, DP is about who u are. You dont ''have DP''. Who u are, as your thought, emotions, perception,habits, has lead you to become the way you are now. What u gotta do is change the way u live. There is no DP blocking you to anything


I'm doing so much better now than where i once was. It's sentences like that i was super scared of hearing if i were to open myself up with anyone about my condition. I remember visualizing some1 might say that to me, followeb by me litterally breaking in half, physically. I was convinced i would physically break apart and die.

It's not a fair statement AT ALL and if the wrong person hears it, it could do serious damage to them. It also implies you're an arrogant piece of shit!


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

Pondererer said:


> I'm doing so much better now than where i once was. It's sentences like that i was super scared of hearing if i were to open myself up with anyone about my condition. I remember visualizing some1 might say that to me, followeb by me litterally breaking in half, physically. I was convinced i would physically break apart and die.
> 
> It's not a fair statement AT ALL and if the wrong person hears it, it could do serious damage to them. It also implies you're an arrogant piece of shit!


Im sorry if i soud arrogant, the intention of my post is to make you consider that a lot of the DP you experience is due to the way you live, so it means its things you can change! But i understand that can scare some people, so i better think twice next time


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

You should phrase it better then! You cant say that its the way People live when external things happen and one is simply not equipped to deal with it. I believe thats the reason it occours, its more than the person can handle. Of course its important to look at the way you live,but its not like: oh i did that thing wrong, lemme change that! And then its gone


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Fesh said:


> Lol bro, I think u missing the mark. DP is not something in your brain that is happening to you, DP is about who u are. You dont ''have DP''. Who u are, as your thought, emotions, perception,habits, has lead you to become the way you are now. What u gotta do is change the way u live. There is no DP blocking you to anything


Are you a doctor or psychiatrist ? Please dont belittle what reactor is going through...If the solution to this condition was as simple as you are suggesting we all on here would be living happy fulfilling healthy lives...Unfortunately we are NOT...We are all suffering in our own ways....


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## reactor (Nov 10, 2016)

i got the internship


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## Hellome (Sep 29, 2016)

reactor said:


> i got the internship


Yesss! Congratulations... Way to go!


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## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

Fesh said:


> DP is not something in your brain that is happening to you, DP is about who u are.


total rubbish


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Why would we all be complaining if this is who we are..there is no way this is who I am. DP whatever it is has definitely happened to me. I am a victim of this disorder. I would never choose this. And pretty sure I was conscious before DP and had lovely thoughts and enjoyed doing things.


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

Thats my opinion. All of you who think you are victimins of some disease and that DP has nothing to with what you think, how you feel, how u use your physical body, I feel you will experience DP for a long time

Recovery requires we take responsibility for our current states and change it.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Fesh said:


> Thats my opinion. All of you who think you are victimins of some disease and that DP has nothing to with what you think, how you feel, how u use your physical body, I feel you will experience DP for a long time
> 
> Recovery requires we take responsibility for our current states and change it.


Ummmm are you aware how much I am doing to recover. Speak for yourself dude. Maybe your DP isn't as bad as well. DP is possibly the worst thing ever so tread lightly about saying that we won't recover for a long time. I have recovered before and I intend to do it again. You are just rude and naive.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

What are you doing to recover coffee girl? I would like to know.


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> Ummmm are you aware how much I am doing to recover. Speak for yourself dude. Maybe your DP isn't as bad as well. DP is possibly the worst thing ever so tread lightly about saying that we won't recover for a long time. I have recovered before and I intend to do it again. You are just rude and naive.


I'm interested to know what you are doing to recover.

Yes, Maybe my DP is not as bad as many in here. BUT thats because as I have said I'm learning to take responsibility for my life, i been eating healthy food, i been exercising, i been taking care of my sleep, i been mindfull of my full my thoughts to not drag myself into negativity, i avoid creating emotionally stressful situations, I practice meditation, i been learning a lot about myself.

I'm not rude, I simply saying what I think.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Fesh, you do realize many people developed DP out of the blue, right? Most of us were fully healthy and functioning people who looked after ourselves. We're not all salad-dodging pot smokers sleeping 3 hours a night and stressing out over nothing. It sounds like you have some very odd criteria for what might cause someone to develop DP. And I for one don't believe you can just "health" yourself out of it. That might work for some, but it's not going to cure the majority of sufferers. There's so much about it we don't understand.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

I think Fesh is right about having to take responsibility and trying the best we can to recover, BUT...Fesh actually has thoughts, unlike some of us with a blank mind - dissociated from our egos, or however you want to call it. I had dp/dr before but my "self" was still there, motivating me, etc. When it just started, I wasn't even depressed, so I was able to enjoy things like watching movies, playing video games, listening to music, etc. I couldn't function well but I still enjoyed things at home. Now I can't do any of that. It feels like a vacuum, and so it only feeds into the hopelessness and depression, etc. Doing anything requires a tremendous amount of willpower now, and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on. Trying my best to stay out of the mental hospital because I don't think it will ultimately help - they'll just push more pills, and I'm already on meds (which I pray help, but am pretty doubtful).

I'm doing Yoga almost daily but I've been feeling more and more hopeless since my mind went blank...I do yoga, but my mind goes back to the void after. Maybe I just need to try and hold on and use all my willpower to stick it out for however long it takes....and hope for some kind of relief (getting my "self" back, getting out of this blank mind/the void). I'm really not sure how much longer I can hold on...it just seems to be getting worse.

Does anyone else have their blank mind cause despair and depression? How do you get by?


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Fesh said:


> I'm interested to know what you are doing to recover.
> 
> Yes, Maybe my DP is not as bad as many in here. BUT thats because as I have said I'm learning to take responsibility for my life, i been eating healthy food, i been exercising, i been taking care of my sleep, i been mindfull of my full my thoughts to not drag myself into negativity, i avoid creating emotionally stressful situations, I practice meditation, i been learning a lot about myself.
> 
> I'm not rude, I simply saying what I think.


Well let's see, I eat very healthy, have an active lifestyle, was at one point maintaining 3 jobs including selling cars, i drive myself everywhere including out of state, get out as much as possible, socialize, take care of my hygiene, take care of children, read uplifting things....but I guess that's not enough? Why do assume we aren't taking responsibility...I have taken more responsibility then I should for the way I was traumatized. People who know me and know that I have DP can't believe everything I do. However it doesn't make the DP go away so your theory is not accurate completely.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> Well let's see, I eat very healthy, have an active lifestyle, was at one point maintaining 3 jobs including selling cars, i drive myself everywhere including out of state, get out as much as possible, socialize, take care of my hygiene, take care of children, read uplifting things....but I guess that's not enough? Why do assume we aren't taking responsibility...I have taken more responsibility then I should for the way I was traumatized. People who know me and know that I have DP can't believe everything I do. However it doesn't make the DP go away so your theory is not accurate completely.


Do you feel like your "self" is still there? Or is your mind blank/focused on the void/emptiness? Do you have the "timelessness" symptom? I was "figting" my thoughts before (with dp/dr and depression - both of which were feeding off each other I think) until my psyche couldn't handle it anymore and my mind went blank...silent. Do you have this as well or do you have thoughts that can motivate you, etc. An inner monologue, if you will.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

yo dreamedm, that's exactly what I am like. How my mind is now compared to what it was, is a complete tragedy. I grieve over it like a lost friend. I am trying with my willpower and I don't know how long I can hold on. I wonder if I will get exhausted and die in my sleep. Still, if that happens, not a lot you can do a bout it. At least I can say that I tried.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Our "psyche" couldn't handle it. I agree but really it was US that couldn't handle it. I don't know about your story but I have had the most awful year imaginable so I am not spurised that I have mental health issues. What I AM surprised by is how screwed I am at the moment and a blank mind...

....

like....can that ACTUALLY happen?! my god.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Fesh said:


> Thats my opinion. All of you who think you are victimins of some disease and that DP has nothing to with what you think, how you feel, how u use your physical body, I feel you will experience DP for a long time
> 
> Recovery requires we take responsibility for our current states and change it.


This is absolute garbage...Recovery from DP is extremely difficult for alot of people on here...If it were as easy as you make out we wouldnt be here "Suffering"

If you have recovered from DP without major help you are very lucky...Alot of us cant just think our way out of this and for alot of us lifestyle changes do nothing to improve this condition...

Please dont belittle people who are suffering.....

This is the classic "Pull your socks up attitude" .....Im sorry but thats a poor attitude to have...


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> How my mind is now compared to what it was, is a complete tragedy. I grieve over it like a lost friend. I am trying with my willpower and I don't know how long I can hold on.


Same. I seem to be getting more hopeless and nearly suicidal by the day. If you find any sort of relief, please let me/us know.



Hedgehog fuzz said:


> What I AM surprised by is how screwed I am at the moment and a blank mind...
> 
> ....
> 
> like....can that ACTUALLY happen?! my god.


My thoughts exactly.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

The willpower is probably applicable to not giving into self harm or just flat out suicide, which I am sure people on here think about. Otherwise I can't see what willpower would do.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

One person I've been corresponding with went through what we are going through - blank mind, void, visual disturbances, etc. (I think we pretty much have the worst/most severe DP possible, since we've dissociated from our minds/egos, it seems).

Anyway, he eventually came out of it through grounding exercises and energy healing. He did yoga, body scan meditations and participated in activities he enjoyed. (Although I can't really say I enjoy anything now). He stressed how hard it can be - since the dp makes it so hard to want to do anything, but action must be taken, otherwise the cycle continues. It took him about a year to get out of the "void." So yeah, we need to move forward somehow and take action that will be conducive to get out of this misery. Whatever unfolds, unfolds, as he put it.


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

Sorry If I am belittling people. I know my personality can be like that sometimes, Hopefully one day I will be more humble.

Well I disagree with you that living healthy can ''do nothing'' for some people. Living healthy might not cure DP, but will certainly make life with it much more tolerable FOR ANYONE.

I dont think anyone can have DP ''out of the blue'' I believe it has its causes as I've said related to lifestyle, personality traits, thoughts, emotions, beliefs, habits..



> Anyway, he eventually came out of it through grounding exercises and energy healing. He did yoga, body scan meditations and participated in activities he enjoyed. (Although I can't really say I enjoy anything now). He stressed how hard it can be - since the dp makes it so hard to want to do anything, but action must be taken, otherwise the cycle continues. It took him about a year to get out of the "void." So yeah, we need to move forward somehow and take action that will be conducive to get out of this misery. Whatever unfolds, unfolds, as he put it.


this is what I am talking about taking responsibility and doing the work to change ones state. I believe meditation, yoga and other forms of work that deal with energy, emotions, thoughts etc., are very important in fully healing from this state.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

dreamedm said:


> Do you feel like your "self" is still there? Or is your mind blank/focused on the void/emptiness? Do you have the "timelessness" symptom? I was "figting" my thoughts before (with dp/dr and depression - both of which were feeding off each other I think) until my psyche couldn't handle it anymore and my mind went blank...silent. Do you have this as well or do you have thoughts that can motivate you, etc. An inner monologue, if you will.


No my self isn't there at all. I have no thoughts, no sense of time passing, no inner monologue. Half the time I don't even know if I am breathing. I don't have a face or a head. I don't know how I manage to do anything. Also I never get sleepy, drowsy, moody, happy, sad, excited etc. no feelings


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

The bottom line is if you can manage to function in any capacity while in the throws of DP you have not experienced it in its chronic form...

This condition has had me confined to my bed squirming with terror, depression, anxiety and FEAR many times (for long periods) I became so incapacitated that making a simple cup of tea became a humungous task...

When you have chronic DP you become nothing...No drive, no energy, no ambition,no motivation, Nothing!!!! And its not that everyday things just seem impossible and pointless....They become impossible!!! You lose the choice to function!!!!


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

Yes eddy


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## mind.divided (Jul 2, 2015)

I will have to agree with Fesh here. If you just sit and wait for a cure to one day suddenly appear you will get disappointed because that's not how you will recover. You really have to decide to activly work on yourself by changing how you think and feel etc, also making major lifestyle changes like eating healthy and getting involved in other activities that make you feel better. I've tried to do this and my life have completely changed for the better and sometimes I even feel 100% recovered because of it. That's my take on it ☺


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## Guest (Dec 23, 2016)

I would avoid phrases like, "take responsibility for yourself." It sounds bullying and will always rub people up the wrong way.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Fesh said:


> I'm interested to know what you are doing to recover.
> 
> Yes, Maybe my DP is not as bad as many in here. BUT thats because as I have said I'm learning to take responsibility for my life, i been eating healthy food, i been exercising, i been taking care of my sleep, i been mindfull of my full my thoughts to not drag myself into negativity, i avoid creating emotionally stressful situations, I practice meditation, i been learning a lot about myself.
> 
> I'm not rude, I simply saying what I think.


This is a picture of me starting to "take responsibility" of my life. I started eating healthy, i was living on my own, working full time job. Althogh this is all good things, i want you to understand one thing "THIS DID NEXT TO NOTHIG FOR MY DP"....I am one of the most DP'ed people you will ever meet. *Stop this bullshit of people playing "victim". I've been working out like a mad man, and i'm even a licensed personal trainer.* I hit a new depression once i understood one thing, i knew i was good enough, i knew i was able to make money, live on my own etc etc. It took me into a new depression because now there was nothing left to fix. I am just dead. period.

If you think diet and excercise will cure you, you're dead wrong. It makes you feel a little better, but it doesn't fix anything. I'm just tired of your whole attitude. It's been going on in many posts..


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## Guest (Dec 23, 2016)

Nice six-pack man, I have more of a keg :-o


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## Newchie97 (Sep 11, 2016)

Pondererer said:


> This is a picture of me starting to "take responsibility" of my life. I started eating healthy, i was living on my own, working full time job. Althogh this is all good things, i want you to understand one thing "THIS DID NEXT TO NOTHIG FOR MY DP"....I am one of the most DP'ed people you will ever meet. *Stop this bullshit of people playing "victim". I've been working out like a mad man, and i'm even a licensed personal trainer.* I hit a new depression once i understood one thing, i knew i was good enough, i knew i was able to make money, live on my own etc etc. It took me into a new depression because now there was nothing left to fix. I am just dead. period.
> 
> If you think diet and excercise will cure you, you're dead wrong. It makes you feel a little better, but it doesn't fix anything. I'm just tired of your whole attitude. It's been going on in many posts..


 well this was discouraging to read :/


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

handsome man. it's good to do exercise and all that, i can't do it atm because of injuries but i want to get back to it.

i am SO dp/dr'd right now. i went for a walk earlier and i felt completely detached and like i was dead. another shit xmas on its way. let's hope i get a good present.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Newchie97 said:


> well this was discouraging to read :/


Maybe, but not really. Because its not about looks, money, willpower etc.. Its about changing your way of being, not Just physical movements producing certain measureable results (not talking about fitness, but literally anything)


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## Newchie97 (Sep 11, 2016)

Yeah, i was planning on working out a lot more and eating better but now i dont really want to :/


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2016)

HIIT exercises


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## Brady12 (Nov 27, 2016)

My feeling is that exercise and diet can help with anxiety/depression, and that improvements in those areas then help relieve dp.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Newchie97 said:


> Yeah, i was planning on working out a lot more and eating better but now i dont really want to :/


I totally recommend doing that. Theres alot of benefits! Im Just saying its not a magic solution, the same way nothing else is.


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## Newchie97 (Sep 11, 2016)

Yeah good point. I actually did end up going haha! Im so worn out now lmao


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

Lol guys, i find it very funny the whole thing about taking responsibility for ones life. I dont get why would you get angry about that!! hahaha

Seriously tho. Lets get things straight here. What I am saying is, pay attention now, what i'm saying is that taking responsibility is very important. I dont care if it sounds like bully, fuck it. Its not bully, its the truth. the fuking truth u feel me?

pay attention again, one, eating healthy, exercising, is one piece. A important one. It will not cure DP alone.

The other part is spiritual, mental and emotional. Without tackling this part of the issue, how can u fully heal? IF you only take medications for your brain, how can u hope to have your soul feel fulfilled and at peace? If you dont learn more about your mind and emotions, how to control and master it, how can u hope to have peace of mind and emotional happiness?

It is all about learning more about ourselves!

Sorry if whatever I'm saying is making someone feel disturbed, thats just my opinion and my view of life


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

sorry to Hijack. NZ, you on any meds man?

Suicidal thoughts is not anyone needs to live with


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

SSRI's aren't for me either. SNRI's were better and still there still many other medications, you shouldn't put up with it man. Being sad about a situation and having constant Suicide thoughts are totally different.

Lamotrigine which I am on is another mood stabiliser. I'll PM. Don't take suicidal thoughts lightly as just some symptom.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

This blank mind and the host of devastating symptoms that come along with it definitely induce suicidal thoughts and despair. How are meds going to fix that unless they fix the blank mind?


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

as suicidal thoughts and blank mind are not one of the same. I had blank mind without even depression for periods. Thats why I am trying to say that feeling bad about a situation and down about it, totally normal, daily suicide thoughts, totally different, when your brain is screaming at you to do something you aren't even thinking about.

This is not a DP unique symptom, it's more sever depression.

As mentioned i started to get improvements on Mirtazapine for blank mind but many medications that did not help my DP symptoms still were able to stop Suicidal thoughts and usually very quickly.

To chuck out another one, Lithium for instance, it has the best record for suicide prevention, hence why it is used in bipolar, which as I believe has the highest rate in the UK, 1 in 2 attempt will attempt without it. Bipolar is a mood disorder, which goes with the theory if you lack these chemicals, the brain can convince you it's viable / play that record we all know.

Even Seroquel which is not favourite and doesn't do anything for my DP one way or the other stopped these thoughts, 800mg btw. Not saying some 50mg at night is going to be magic but i am saying I don't believe you need to live with this or think it's SSRI or nothing. In fact most mood stabilisers do exactly this.

I know I've mentioned bipolar but it's a good example, look up the 1-10 mood chart if you are interested, mood 1/2 at the bottom 'suicidal thoughts' is listed as a mood. 5 is normal. First thing they do if you are either end of the scale is mood stabiliser. Even if you aren't bipolar, this list is good to identify where you stand

EDIT: did the googling for you, You probably/won't relate to anything above 5 or 6 unless bipolar, but under that is a depression scale... just to show you it is a thing, the blank mind might caused the low mood but it's often not the trigger causing the thoughts, if you get me

https://knittyhelen.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/moodscale.jpg


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