# I am dieing!!



## penny (Apr 27, 2009)

I started on sereqouel 50mg, 10days ago....i feel like my symptoms have come on 10 times as bad!! Should i stop taking them?? I cant get into my doctor for a week!
Im petrified!! I have been with my bestfriend thisafternoon. I kept looking across at her, and i was so scared! Im thinking who is she?? I am now at home and spinning out so bad! I have this weird thought that i have just come out of a mental institution and they have put me with a foster family, because i dont feel like the people around me are my family! Am i going insane?? fuckin hell!!! I havent felt much worse than this......i feel like im dieing! It is slowly killing me!


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

There must be a way you can call the doctor and tell them you need emergency advice on what you should do about how you feel. I don't know if you should stop taking them or not, but hope you get well soon!


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2009)

You're not dying. Nor are you losing your mind, despite how it feels. It's to be expected that you feel worse whilst you're in a transitionary phase regarding medication. It's common. Don't stop taking it without the advice of your doctor.

You're 'just' heavily depersonalised. I know exactly how it feels. You need to practise distraction by doing things, no matter how menial so to avoid sitting there and dwelling on it, which is guaranteed to make it worse. Here in Blighty, there's a couple of phonelines I call when things are too hard to cope with: NHS Direct and the 24-Hour Mental Health Line. If there are analogues in Australia, in your area, and it's really too much, I suggest you call them. Or if there aren't just call somebody and tell them how you feel. Or go to the emergency room and demand see the duty psychiatrist. Basically, spilling your guts (by which I mean your mind) to somebody, preferably a trained mental health professional will make you feel better, even if it's just temporary. But even if it is temporary, it's worth doing so that it hammers the notion into your brain that you do have some control, that you do have the ability, albeit limited, to affect change on the way you feel.

Keep fighting.


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## penny (Apr 27, 2009)

Thanks guys.
Anything i do, i am scared!
I try to do things to take my mind off it, but i cant escape my mind! it is fogged and scary ALL the time! I am going to go out to the emergency room tomorrow. I cant sit around and do nothing. I wont get any better...God this is scary!!


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2009)

It is very scary, and you've got stones made out of aggregated diamond nanorod for coping with it.

Have you managed to identify what might've caused/triggered your DP?


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Believe me, I know what you are going through, and IT WILL PASS. It's extreme anxiety, try and get the adrenaline out of your system and go to sleep. If you have any Benzo's, take it (not all at once mind you).


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## penny (Apr 27, 2009)

Well it's 7am here and i have not slept a wink!
My dp/dr was brought on 3years ago by a first time try of ectasy. A stupid decision that i have been paying for, for quite some time. I am still finding it hard to believe that wat i am suffering from is dp/dr because it feels so server!! I suffer from memory problems aswell. I dont know if this is because i feel so detached and spaced out that i am finding it hard to remember if i have had a shower, been for a drive past the beach etc....i think i have done brain damage from the ectasy. I have had 3 brain scans: MRI, CT and serebral spect scan. All came back normal.....Ahhhh. I cant handle this!!
Is it possible to have dp/dr if you dont have anxiety?? Like if anxiety is eliminated, can the dp/dr still exist? 
I have never tried Klonopin or anything like that...only zyprexa and seroquel.
Thanks so much for any input! xo


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

that is odd about the seroquel because i have taken that stuff before and it knocked me out. I only took half of one(i dont know how many milligrams it was but i was out like a light and even had trouble getting out of the bed the next day. In fact, i know people that take that stuff just to knock them out. I agree that you should consult the doctor before stopping it, but stopping it might be a good option. The only thing that helps me cope with this stuff are the benzos. I take .5 milligrams of alprozolam(xanax) and while the dp/dr never really goes away, it improves a lot. Stay away from alcohol, as i have learned the hard way. Today i felt the same as you that i was going to die and it was because i drank entirely too much last night.


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## penny (Apr 27, 2009)

yeh i didnt sleep cause i stopped taking the seroquel last night. When i took it, it would knock me out cold! But it was making me worse so i stopped!


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## Chillwynston (Apr 3, 2009)

Hi Penny,

How are you feeling today? 
You havent damaged your brain, neither are you a crazy person, neither are you going to die!!

It was X that got me my DP.. How is life outside of your head? 
like with work and relationships (if ya dont mind me asking) do you use a gym?


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## penny (Apr 27, 2009)

I have found it hard to keep a job...i worked for about 6months in a cafe full time and then i stopped because it was geting too much. I havent been working now for 4months and i really dont know if i could go back to it at the moment. I am 24 and have a great group of friends, how ever i isolate myself alot and stay on my bed alot of the day! I just feel so weird being out n about! I dont have a boyfriend...i did but he was really into drugs and me being around that made me worse! (i didnt dare touch anything, i never will again!) but i couldnt handle being around it all the time. I joined the gym with my mum, buts its such a big, busy gym with lots of people there that i know...i havent been in over 2months! Im a bit of a wreck really 
What is your story? What happened with your experience on the X?


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

i dont have a job either after quitting my first "real job" so i really feel for you in this area as this is my greatest concern at the moment. My parents are nice enough to support me but my dad is constantly pressuring me to get a job or go back to school or get two jobs etc. I want to really bad and i want to be successful and do all kinds of different things but i am really afraid to because i couldn't handle it the first time so who's to say i'll be able to handle it this time. If i could just find something that i really love to do i think it would kill two birds with one stone. I'd forget about all this bullshit in my head and make everyone else happy at the same time. Right now i don't know what to do and i feel pretty worthless.

As for the X, there can be any number of things in that shit and its different every time, but i think if you had an experience simply because of a drug, it should fade away after time, or at least thats how it has been for me. How long have you been experiencing the dp? (sorry if this question was already answered haha i dont know how to go back and look)


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## penny (Apr 27, 2009)

Hey. Yeh im the same. Live at home with Mum and she's supporting me at the moment but wants me to try to get back out there and get a job. It's so so hard! More than anything i want to be back out there in the community and working and making money but it is almost impossible! It is so scary and i find it so hard to pick up new things.

I have been suffering for over 3 years now!! Too long! Thats why i am so worried that it is more than dp/dr......I hate being like this!!


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## Chillwynston (Apr 3, 2009)

hey guys,

My experience with X was good until the last time...Before I did anything I would read up about the dangers etc.. I dont consider myself an abuser as such I was more of a young kid who wanted to experiment..

I remember after taking about 5 tabs (not together) just lying on my mates couch waiting to die..ha, I remember listening to Justin Timberlake's cry me a river on repeat, which is why my stomach turns if I hear that song..ha sorry JT.. I think I blacked out cos everything was light all of a sudden and my heart was racing and I hadnt slept I dont think, I went up stairs drank some water, sprayed cold water on my face and wrists to cool down and looked in the mirror, I looked terrible, I had huge dark circles under my eyes and a lazy eye... I needed to sleep.. So I finally slept and luckily I awoke.. The human body is a very tough thing indeed. I'm not sure if there was different stuff in the x I did like MDA or something more toxic but they were different and it scared the hell out of me, a week later I had my first panic attack and my head was wrecked from there.. Nothing felt like before, everything was in a dream world, things looked too small to me or sometimes too big there was no attachment to my former self, the more I analysed it the more I thought this is it I'm gonna end up in a mental home, I carried on with work and my degree which was real hard cos I couldnt concentrate cos of the mental chatter goin on in my head and the my short term memory was terrible.. I felt like I was still tripping, I was convinced that some of the chemicals were still in me, I was also convinced that the company were putting stuff in the water..ha dont you love psychosis... I told my mum that I'd got like this using diet pills, she still doesnt know about the X, she sent me to the docs, who I confessed and the doc said dont worry it will go away, so I thought ok you's the boss! so it didnt go away, I kept pluggin away at work and outside work I'm a singer, at the time I was with a duo we used to sing aroung the local pubs.. I think the confidence I got from this helped me recover. I have always used the gym, but I realised that my DP used to subside somewhat after a jog.. Not much just I used to feel less stressed.. So whenever I felt like a coiled srping I went running and went different ways each time , sorta like sight seeing.. but what I now realise I was doin is totally getting out of my head and becoming present, I went to Yoga which helped with stress but not really for getting out of my head cos I felt dreamy coming away from there which I didnt like, I realised that doing things that involved sensory awareness was the best, like running or weight training or gigging, all of these also built confidence in myself again allieviating different anxieties I had about myself... One day while running I just thought to myslef "Shit, I havent had DP for ages" It was the fact I wasnt thinking about it is the reason it wasnt there.. I was no longer labelling myself to DP, the less anxiety I had the less DP I had, fact!

My advice would be to pretend you dont have it, and just get on with it, if you get weird sensations, feelings just shrug them off.. But go to the gym and sort yourselves out, get your heart rate up for the right reasons... You can handle a job, there is nothing stopping you, but like me if I dont love what I do then I hate it! But prove it to yourself..


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