# What helps me cope with overactive mind, existential thought, self scrutiny



## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

So I was just thinking about the way in which I think about my own body.
think. think.
think think think 
You know, they say 'Listen to your body' and I guess I am. I notice all the tiny fluctuations in my vision, hearing, you got your bruises and paper cuts, posture, diet, activity level, and if in doubt there is always my thought process to scrutinize. I still do all of these things but back in the day







I used to get over anxious about this constant vigilance to boot which made it feel impossible to bear.

I couldn't stop myself so I learnt to make the most of it. Over the years I learnt to interprete this information in a more measured way.

Used to be my kidney gave the slightest twinge and I'd imagine dyalisis and multiple organ failure. Instead nowadays the same twinge will remind me that I ought to be drinking more and I'll watch my diet, etc. I know now that this is only one of many tiny blip in a pretty healthy body.

When I used to become aware of faults in my vision overly I'd picture blindness and brain tumors. Instead nowadays I know it means I ought to rest my eyes, get away from the screen, maybe put some eye drops in or peel open a fresh pair of contacts. Often I'll eventually identify some stressful thing going on that I can reason out a solution or work around for. More often than not it is just bad/too much or too little sleep to blame.

I still get anxious about these things to some degree but I can keep myself calm with facts. Knowledge. I'd love some more processing power. With my memory the internet is a real blessing.







For me the important part is to check my sources and read (or at least skim) multiple article about everything to gauge the bias in each. That way I can make a reasonable evaluation as to whether I am just being a chicken or I am on to something that actually warrants this much scrutiny.

Similarly I still find my mind going off on futile routes and looping around and around (quite like my school visual basic project did): 
The big questions. 
I have asked myself a million times before, they always lead to the same answers, so I only go and ask again.

I can't stop wondering about the big questions but I have learnt to divert my attention away from the fundamental questions and find out more about them in a roundabout way. To learn about the big questions you have to live. You can't just watch the big picture you have to immerse yourself in details too. I distract myself with study, reading, blogging, writing a diary, planning shit,.. it adds a positive note and sometimes the pursuit for meaning doesn't seem so futile anymore.

I can't always keep it up but when I do keep my mind on track (and keep my endless procrastination under control too) life can be good.

I am sure it is all obvious stuff and you'd like more information on the how rather than just a before and after, but even if I could estimate an answer it would be deeply personal to me and my personality's peculiar structure (now why does the word personality structure give me a picture of a condemned house?).

I am saying if you find that you can't stop your mind from going off on one try and influence where it leads you. Don't ask yourself the same questions over and over. Find other questions the answers of which will lead you closer to aproximating the big ones.


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