# Stuck in extremely stresfull job



## JoCZker (Jul 31, 2009)

Well,

I was thinking about writing this topic for very long time, but always something stopped me. But today i just feel that i need to share my worries with somebody, who will hopefully understand. I am almost 30 in few years, had drdp since 13-14. Some years were worse, some better . . . I had it all since childhood. I was scared and anxious since i remember. I had all sorts of obssesions, panic attacks, phobias ... Basically every neurotic thing you can have. And then drdp came on the top of it and i have it since. I did somehow finish high school. Then few years i was lost in anxiety, depressions, drdp and alcohol, which was only thing that helped me a little (of course for a price . . .) . . . Finally i found something that i liked. I started to study social work at the university. I always loved sociology and psychology and things like that. Partly because of my own condition of course. Anyway i graduated very easily two years ago. I was going for higher degree for a year, but then i decided to go to work instead, because of money. And here i am, almost a year working in whats probably the worst job for anybody with our condition.







It was great for maybe two months. I was excited that i can do it, that i am able to work and to do something i like. But than stress from this sort of work started to get over my head. Last 10 months i literally feel worse every day. I am dying every morning and all day at work. I came home totally exhausted and can do nothing than sleep and next day to work again . . . Nobody notice so much, because i can hide it greatly how i feel after all this years. But sometimes somebody notice that i am not working well and i know that i am not doing everything what i should, like precise documentation and things like that, because i am just to tired and exhausted. And i feel remorse for i suck so much in such important job. I am working with schizophrenics and autists and such, which is quite a paradox.







I am scared constantly that i will make some huge mistake and i have all that things that you know we have, when we have drdp - brain fog, vision issues, existential thoughts, depression, anxiety, headaches, feelings of unreality, i feel sick constantly and much more, like i have feeling that i forgot what i should do every day. Can you imagine how it is with all this in job like this? But problem is, that i am stuck. I need the money. And i dont know what i should do instead. Every job with my education is stresfull. And i hate the idea of me working somewhere in the office for some corporation or selling something, which is all thats on the job market right now.







I had few weeks vacation and i am going to work tommorow after long time. And i feel absolutely [email protected]@@@@. I dont know how i will be able to work tommorow. I dont know how i will be able to work all week. I dont know how i will be able to work at all. Even If i quit tommorow, i will have to work for next two months. Only chance of quit instantlly is If they fired me because of some mistake, which i am afraid of, but than i will have no money and bad chances for finding a new job. I am bassically stucked between huge rocks that are crashing me and i honestly dont know what to do. I dont expect that somebody here will solve my situation. But anything like advice, opinion or just nice words would be helpful. I just cant stopped thinking that i messed up hugely with thinking that i can do hard job and I deserve all of this for my incompetence. As i said, remorse is one of my main emotions right now. With fear of future and feeling of coming doom. I just . . . honestly i dont want to work at all. I want peace, and calm place and somebody nice. I am so exhausted after this year, after all this years. I am doing therapy since childhood, i was taking many antidepressants through this years, i am recently not taking anything, except xanax almost all the time latelly. (so i am worried of addiction on top of all that). But i never take xanax at work, i am to responsible for that. I am going to see psychiatrist in few weeks, so maybe, just maybe i will start to take again anything and i will feel little better, but still . . . . I am pretty bad, scared, exhausted, empty. I just dont know what to do with my life. And as every wannabee helper out there, i am not glad to admit it at all. which is making it even worst. Thanks for reading and possible replays. I was feeling that i should write this down if nothing more than just to sort my thoughts.

PS: I was trying to read it afterwords and correct my silly English, but i am just to tired and must go to sleep, so sorry for not making it easy to read.


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

I can only offer consolation so I hope that helps. I have been in selling and working in retail since I left college, I always considered university but when I was working in management it seemed unwise to 'jack it in'. However, on hindsight, I may as well have done so because nothing I did or didnt do would have changed what is happening now.

They say you make your own luck, but in my experience life is shooting me down a grim path and whatever I do never changes that so if you need a break, I would try taking a break. Thats what I'm doing now.

I understand how you feel about being stuck between a rock and a hard place because I definitly feel that way too. I have become more desperate for money than ever, we have problems that mean there is no way to turn, but theres nothing I can do about it so I just have to wait and see what life dishes out for me.

This may seem like a rubbish answer but I hope it helps you to remember that whatever happens you have to try to remain calm.

I find it easy to give advice but I can never help myself with the same words. You are perhaps a little like me, regimented, perfectionist. This has never won me any favors.


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

I can only offer consolation so I hope that helps. I have been in selling and working in retail since I left college, I always considered university but when I was working in management it seemed unwise to 'jack it in'. However, on hindsight, I may as well have done so because nothing I did or didnt do would have changed what is happening now.

They say you make your own luck, but in my experience life is shooting me down a grim path and whatever I do never changes that so if you need a break, I would try taking a break. Thats what I'm doing now.

I understand how you feel about being stuck between a rock and a hard place because I definitly feel that way too. I have become more desperate for money than ever, we have problems that mean there is no way to turn, but theres nothing I can do about it so I just have to wait and see what life dishes out for me.

This may seem like a rubbish answer but I hope it helps you to remember that whatever happens you have to try to remain calm.

I find it easy to give advice but I can never help myself with the same words. You are perhaps a little like me, regimented, perfectionist. This has never won me any favors.


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

BusyBee said:


> I can only offer consolation so I hope that helps. I have been in selling and working in retail since I left college, I always considered university but when I was working in management it seemed unwise to 'jack it in'. However, on hindsight, I may as well have done so because nothing I did or didnt do would have changed what is happening now.
> 
> They say you make your own luck, but in my experience life is shooting me down a grim path and whatever I do never changes that so if you need a break, I would try taking a break. Thats what I'm doing now.
> 
> ...


Wise words, you sound like you've learned a lot from your DP experience. I used to be able to make my own luck, then a greater force intervened and took that away. I don't have any answers either. Walk the grim path and see where it takes you.


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## ooAntoo (Aug 5, 2011)

No matter what happens it will get better you have lived for 15 years with.this.and survived and you will this time.

you are obviously an intelligent and resourcful person, look at what youve achiveved and how many people you are helping. Look to these people for motivation live for them not for you, you have a gift and should use it, this will change and you have so.much life to live..it will change


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## JoCZker (Jul 31, 2009)

Thank you, for all your words and concern. It was crazy and again extremely stressful week, just as i expected. And another hard, hard, hard week is in front of me. I am doing this week something that i never done before and i am scared, obviously. Oh, if just life was easier and not so messed up. Well, its possible that i am the one making him that way.







Anyway, thanks for your responds again, and wish me luck in this next week. I am thinking of you and i hope you are feeling good enough.







Best of luck and take care.


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