# I wanna feel alive again someone help



## alnadine20 (Oct 22, 2014)

After 2 years of living with this shit nonstop 24/7 im getting fed up. Idk what to do anymore ive accepted it im living with it and it seems like its only getting worse. Im hopeless. My soul is gone. Not a second of reality and feeling like myself. Idk what to do


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## Zed (Jul 25, 2015)

This BS method of 'you don't need to do anything; just accept this and it'll all go away' is just that... BS. At best it's a small part of the solution, nothing more.

Have you tried a therapist?


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## alnadine20 (Oct 22, 2014)

I dont see how a therapist could help. Or any other human being for that matter. I only post on here or come on here bc everyone on here relates but nothing helps take away the symptoms. This hell hole disorder ruined my whole life i feel like i dont have anything or anyone. I dont know anyone around me and i dont even know myself. I feel like i cant see i cant hear i dont have a thought process. Im just numbbbbb. I dont even think that descibes it. I really feel screwed. I couldve been cured early on into it when i knew what the cause was which were repressed feelings but now i dont have feelings anymore so now i just have this overbearing feeling of nothingness in replace of it.


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## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

I know how you feel. what was your trigger? what have you tried?


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## alnadine20 (Oct 22, 2014)

Seperation from the guy i love. Too hard for me which led to it i guess. I workout everyday eat healthy work mothing helps. I tried meds in the beginning did nothing. Im jist hopeless and feel like a lm gonna have this forever


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## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

so it sounds like it was induced from a kind of emotional trauma. maybe therapy could be useful for you? what meds did you take?


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

Zed said:


> This BS method of 'you don't need to do anything; just accept this and it'll all go away' is just that... BS. At best it's a small part of the solution, nothing more.
> 
> Have you tried a therapist?


Its not bs at all though.. if you are mentally and emotionally resisting DP/DR or what you are... then you've got your mind and feelings working against yourself.... thats not a small part at all.. thats huge.

To the OP- I would suggest a psychologist aswell. You can get better.


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## Sportsdude8 (Apr 25, 2015)

Hey sorry you feel this way. I felt it was getting worse as well. Until I really just started fully engaging myself in things. Like getting lost in a good bold, a video game, movie, or conversation. I took myself on a vacation to London actually and helped me so much just not giving a shit about this stupid disorder. It's been about a year now and I've seen slight improvements but this process is also a lot about time and giving urself time to heal. I know u can do it


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## Judy62 (Nov 2, 2015)

Something I've found that helps me is everytime I look at my hands and they aren't my own, or see my reflection and it's not me, or have nagging thoughts that I don't belong in the world, I pause and say to myself, "I am, where I should be, at this time." I know it sounds simplistic and it seems fake, but the more you think about that statement the more grounded you become. Sometimes just hearing your own voice say it makes things real. We are told from the time we understand anything that we need to strive to be something else. School, work, friends, fun are never enough, we have to keep moving toward something else, believing it will be better. I don't know about you, but I lost myself somewhere doing that.


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## Guest (Nov 7, 2015)

I'm not sure

I've had DP and DR for almost 20 years now

I'm not sure how to get rid of it

I've had it since I was a small child


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

alnadine20 said:


> After 2 years of living with this shit nonstop 24/7 im getting fed up. Idk what to do anymore ive accepted it im living with it and it seems like its only getting worse. Im hopeless. My soul is gone. Not a second of reality and feeling like myself. Idk what to do


Feel the same way you do. Soul is completely gone. Not a bit of me on this earth except for my useless body. Today I saw my therapist and he just stares at me. I agree no one else can help. I too try and accept it but it only makes me go further away. I don't anyone around me or what is going on in the world. I don't exist but yet I do in a awful awful way. I take meds, they are making me more depressed. I feel completely hopeless and helpless. I try and do things and I feel no relief. It's such a joke. Give me cancer, give me anything besides this. This is hell.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

I feel the same and it is truly awful.  big hug. Hopefully its something we gotta go through to get to be a better person. i wish it would hurry up though. Im exhasuted from it all. my poor tired mind.


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## Sean1997- (Nov 9, 2015)

I was once in your position feeling like it was only a matter of time before you'll just reach a climax of numbness, in which you won't be able crawl back out of. There came a point where I used my frustration of living like this to just say "fuck it". If I felt worthless I'd ground myself, almost like venting my frustration to motivate myself to do something positive. For example if I was feeling really down I'd go outside walking, listen to music or randomly just talk to myself. Anything really to just distract myself from this altered existence. My mind was completely numb, with no voice nor anything narrating my day and just talking to myself has helped a tonne. I would get up and literally talk for my mind almost because that wasn't working so I tried to give it a push. And within a matter of a few weeks my mind is a hell of a lot clearer and more focused.

There doesn't seem to be much grounding techniques on here for blank mindedness, so I'm just sharing something that has really engaged and changes my outlook. Before you know it you'll start to notice the shift of pessimism to optimism.

Hang in there!


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## Zed (Jul 25, 2015)

alnadine20 said:


> After 2 years of living with this shit nonstop 24/7 im getting fed up. Idk what to do anymore ive accepted it im living with it and it seems like its only getting worse. Im hopeless. My soul is gone. Not a second of reality and feeling like myself. Idk what to do


There ARE things you can do. Here's 2 things for a start...

The first thing to do is learn about grounding techniques. Grounding works. It's as simple as that. Grounding gets you in 'the here and now' - the opposite of what dissociation is. And that's where you need to head. There're are many different ways to ground yourself.. find some that work for you and use them anytime and every time you find yourself drifting off into dreamyland. Grounding is your no. 1 defence against dpd!

Another important thing to learn is about triggers. Learn what your triggers are and slowly you'll be able to defuse them so they no longer rule your existence. Chances are, everyone on this site who is emotionally numb is constantly and highly triggered and they don't even know it. The thing about triggers is, you'll keep walking into he same trigger over and over unknowingly until you learn about what they are and what they're actually doing to your life. You DO have the power to change how you react to a trigger. With some simple effort you can take back control of your life.

If you really want to change how you life is heading you need to make an effort. You've probably heard ppl mention the phrase 'putting the work into recovery' or 'work at it'.. well this is what it is - working at reducing the amount of dissociation you experience. Put the work in, and you'll reap the rewards - do nothing and expect things to change and you'll remain stuck in the same place you are now.!

Can I ask why you don't think a therapist could help?


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## andretodt (Nov 21, 2012)

I feel you man, I struggle with this nightmare since 2010, and then some time later I developed Panic Disorder which only worsened everything but now it's controlled, the worst part is that I can't remember how I used to feel before all this crap set in, of course I had a lot of good times in all these years but they all could have been much better if werent for the DP/DR and now that life isn't good at all the disorder only makes everything worse, like even in days/situations that I could be feeling okay, calm, I can't enjoy the situations cause of my disconnected state and anxious state of mind, I'm starting to develop difficulties to socialize, losing almost completely my sense of humor, totally numb, I had a panic attack because of topiramate overdosage mixed with depakote and I thought I was going to die, maybe the panic attack reseted my mind state that I worked so hard to build, a single panic attack ruins everything...  sorry for speaking so much and if there's any mistake, I'm Brazilian, and only guys like you from this page can relate to these awful feelings... I wish I could have my emotions back, feel the surroundings, I even want to feel pain, all the negative emotions, its so much better than feeling nothing at all...


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## alnadine20 (Oct 22, 2014)

andretodt said:


> .. I wish I could have my emotions back, feel the surroundings, I even want to feel pain, all the negative emotions, its so much better than feeling nothing at all...


Id give anything for it all to come back. This "disorder" which i cant classify as anything except hell, has destroyed my life/entire being. There are no words to describe how horrible this is. I cant rememeber what life is in my state right now but the day i get it back is the day i find not a single thing to be unhappy about.


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## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

You are still alive, you just have a weird mental setting which makes you think otherwise. You say you are surrounded by people who you feel you don't know, well the fact that you can recognize that means you still are very well aware of what you should feel like, relative to what you currently feel like. That means you are still perfectly sane, and there's hope you will recover. Are you actually doing anything to get better? Even basic things like taking showers, setting a schedule for the day, eating a healthy meal at least three times a day etc. Try to change up your routine with healthy habits.


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## plaidpajamas (Dec 8, 2015)

katiej said:


> I feel the same and it is truly awful.  big hug. Hopefully its something we gotta go through to get to be a better person. i wish it would hurry up though. Im exhasuted from it all. my poor tired mind.


 It is super exhausting.

I tell myself that this is all for a reason... or rather I will make one out of it.

When I was DPDR for 5 years I thought I would never get better.

Than I did!

I was (and still am) EXTREMELY grateful for that experience because I guarantee I appreciate life more than most anyone else could ever imagine.

NOT being DP after being DP for so long feels like being born again.

I am 3 months into my first episode in 6 years but I know what it is this time so I'm not afraid of it. It's much easier and it keeps getting better with positive thoughts and meds


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## glorii26 (Dec 9, 2015)

alnadine20 said:


> After 2 years of living with this shit nonstop 24/7 im getting fed up. Idk what to do anymore ive accepted it im living with it and it seems like its only getting worse. Im hopeless. My soul is gone. Not a second of reality and feeling like myself. Idk what to do


i'm so sorry. I've had it for about a year and i'm fucking sick of it too. I don't have money for a therapist and I haven't told anyone about it except a couple friends of mine...so far i haven't found anything that makes me feel better...i wish i could. best of luck xx


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## Merk (Dec 8, 2015)

I'm getting to a point where i want this to be over now, i feel that death wouldnt be so bad. But i know i have to live because I have a daughter and i have to remind myself that there is something wrong with me,something wrong with my brain and that this is reality. It's difficult doing things such as keeping my daughter,cooking, or working but some how i manage to still do those,even though i feel not human.


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