# I think I can actually recover completely from DP/DR and depression



## Caffi (May 3, 2012)

*Hello all,*

*I wanted to post here, while I actually have some hope for full recovery. When I first came this forums, I was really depressed, I had panic attacks, anxiety, stress etc. I also post my life story (link for the post ) to stories. So someone might remember me from that.*

*The point where I'm now, for first I'll tell what medication I use in the moment. I'll refer those as the drugs agent, while people are from so many countries and the drugs have different names in every country. One's agent is Mirtazapine (link to the wikipedia ) and the seconds Bupropion (link to the wikipedia ). The first one helps in some depre**ssion symptoms and helps sleep slightly. I think this drug didn't work well but the Bupropion ( its really new drug, at least in Finland ) drug worked like a dream. It made life much easier while anxiety level dropped, I won't stress so much anymore, I don't have insane depression and so on. Its really expensive drug ( 30 pills costs 30€ ) but it works. I really recommend at least to try it. I have tested really many different drugs in these years and that new Bup drug is the best.*

*I also got in to psychodynamic psychoterapy, and I have been there almost 1 year. I was lucky enough to get help from the government to pay the therapy. I have mindset for the therapy, where I just try to be 100% honest for the therapist and tell especially those things to her, what I don't want to say. Also I just try to trust her while its really important for therapy. After she got some sense what I have going trough, she started to use EMDR (wikipedia link) where you need to think some traumatic experience while therapist moves her fingers back and ford, and I have to follow it in the same time. Its quite insane tactic, while I was really prejudiced about that, how I can get better just follow her fingers. But while I have tried to go trough my history with talking, it doesn't seems to help anymore. With that EMDR, it somehow ignores the rational part of the brain where my mind try to block everything what is happening in my mind. I can go into the emotional hell about the traumas of the past and burn all the bad emotions which I have build up inside me. I have done that a while now, and I can see that it have helped me a lot. Now days I don't stress things anymore in the same level as before. I have "free time" in my head, while before I just think about how bad I am, how horrible is everything, how I fail all the time etc. and I have started to get little bit self respect. Before If something hurt me ( like sitting in bad position ) I didn't move, while I thought what was the point. I just few days back stood up of myself in situation, where my classmates tries to freeload in group tasks that I have to do everything while they did everything really badly. I have never before did that for myself and I felt bad that someone does that to me. This is really insane time of my life, while therapy is sometimes really horrible and it makes me feel really bad, I can get more free time to time.*

*In one year ago, I though I would never get over the depression and DP/DR, but now I really know that It is possible. Its insane how much the hope helps me during the therapy and life itself. For you fellow mates, I really can say in my full hearth that you will get better, if you can do handle the process. The process is, that you start to notice, when you blame yourself, when you abuse yourself during the day and make it stop. At least in first, it just help when you notice that when you start the circle of self hate. After that you can actually start to be more kind to yourself, while the self hate circle is just the same, what at least I had, is the voice of my parents and its not mine. It was revolutionary to me to think that, I don't actually hate myself, Its just thoughts what parents forced into me.*

*I hope someone gets even little bit more hope for the recovery from this post. I would be honored to reply your answers, if there comes some.*


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