# Long time sufferer cannot take it anymore



## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

Ive always used this board to vent. I dont see the point in hanging around on it much so all myposts are in this type of manner. But as it stands I cant live with this anymore, its too crippling for me and id rather be dead. I think, in this circumstance euthansia is an acceptable way for me to die, but my psych wont have it, i dont want to commit suicide because it would kill my family and its not fair on them. But i dont see a future for myself like this, i dont want one like this. its apparent that nothing is going to help me so its the only choice i have left. i just wanted to post it up to get it off my chest.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

Hey drama queen, im sending you a private message, read it and it will save your sorry ass. no hagas nada estupido.

Peace

edit: lol sorry i put the -1 reputation







but man did your post suck !


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

Abraxas said:


> Hey drama queen, im sending you a private message, read it and it will save your sorry ass. no hagas nada estupido.
> 
> Peace
> 
> ...


Sorry next time i will try to be more positive about wanting to die.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

Bosko said:


> Sorry next time i will try to be more positive about wanting to die.


Alright sorry man, I just wanted to add a bit of humor to the situation. It just made me laugh a bit because i went through the same, while on DP i thought a lot of times about suicide. Family was also key in stopping me from comitting, a big, big mistake. But I am really sorry, i did not mean to make fun of you nor your suffering. I know it is hell. but this is not the way out, trust me. lets continue on private.

Peace


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Bosko said:


> Sorry next time i will try to be more positive about wanting to die.


How about - "Yea, I want to live but can't find a way to do it enjoyable"

So you are working with a psych right now - what does he/she say the problem is and what solutions are they coming up with to fix it?


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Abraxas said:


> -


I would be interested to learn details about your experience - have a love of herbs and their uses. You speak of a very powerful decoction - but just how strong was the amount you took? MAO inhibitors are very useful but DMT seems to be trickier. Getting the brain to again fire with the right balance is the issue, and what you mention could go either way.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

Well. I do not recommend ayahuasca because I can not. As I am not qualified to do such claim. So I deleted that post. But in my experience it did help me out of DP, and in my opinion is worth trying before considering suicide. I will post some thread about my experience with it if you re interested in reading.

peace


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

.


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## PenguinSpin (Apr 26, 2011)

Check into a hospital.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Abraxas said:


> Hey drama queen, im sending you a private message, read it and it will save your sorry ass. no hagas nada estupido.
> 
> Peace
> 
> ...


I am feeling an intense amount of anger at you right now. A part of me thinks what you wrote was EXTREMELY insensitive.

There is also a part of me that feels cautious about saying this to you. I think that if you are capable of behaving in this way toward a clearly hurting and vulnerable person then I don't know how you will behave toward me.

I guess you must just be seriously lacking in empathy. And for that, I do genuinely feel bad for you.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

never_giving_up said:


> I am feeling an intense amount of anger at you right now. A part of me thinks what you wrote was EXTREMELY insensitive.
> 
> There is also a part of me that feels cautious about saying this to you. I think that if you are capable of behaving in this way toward a clearly hurting and vulnerable person then I don't know how you will behave toward me.
> 
> I guess you must just be seriously lacking in empathy. And for that, I do genuinely feel bad for you.


I disagree. I would even go further than that and say, I belive it is because I have a lot of empathy and paternal feelings of love that I wrote that message in that way. My intention was to be harsh (due to the seriousness of the situation) while encouraging him to take on a humorous look at the situation. However, if my intention and tone did not get through (sometimes it is difficult for that to happen when writing), i do apologize, and feel sorry that you have experience anger because of me.

again, if i am not of help here i will gladly do away with my presence. Since I signed up I have spent most of the day, since i wake up until i go to sleep, in front of the computer, answering emails, private messages and posts, and writing threads with the intention of helping people out of DP. I have nothing to gain from this forum as i have completely healed myself. i only have my friendship to offer, and my intention is wholehearted. If my influence here is negative then i will be glad to dis-appear. And again, i do not take it back because i still believe suicide is the most cowardly thing to do. if there is still some humanity in you, you DO NOT do that to your family. and that is my view. that i might have extreme views on delicate topics such as taking away ones life does not mean that i am insensitive, on the contrary. i take life seriously. i take pain seriously. what i can not take too seriously is someone leaving a message of suicide in a forum where people are trying to fight and not give up. you are either too sick, and not only you are taking away your life but you are also leaving a very gloomy message on a forum, or you do not actually intend to commit suicide... hence the 'drama queen' joke.. still when i said so i said it humorously and not with a tone of 'making fun' or disrespect (since i have gone through same and i am very aware and sensible to the amount of pain and suffering that people with DP go through). again, if my state-of-mind and mood did not get through, i apologize for my poor communication skills.but i will not continue to defend myself as i know my truth and am at peace with your acusation.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

. sorry doublepost.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

Hi bosko sorry you're going through this







Try focusing your energy on some political cause or something? I remember you were in to that in the chatroom. You can't die, it's too sad







You won't feel any relief!


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## Cesar (Aug 23, 2010)

Try Ecstatic Body Postures: An Alternate Reality Workbook by Belinda Gore. I didn't want to post about it yet as I've only been doing it for a week.
When I do the empowerment pose I feel a sensation in my chest (where I've felt an empty feeling since I've had dp) that feels like it is being attended 
to. I've tried many things and this is a first where the trouble area is directly attended. I use the CD Shamanic Journey Drumming: Spirit Passages by
Evelyn Rysdyk & C. Allie Knowlton. Though I will try others in the future. You need a drumming cd that puts you in the theta state, I believe most of them do that.
Another thing is Holosync, this is something I believe has the potential to get rid of anxiety based dp. I've used the first two levels and have had less anxiety
as the months pass using it. Those are my top tools I recommend. Take care.


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## mathew123 (Apr 30, 2011)

dear bosko

about 1 month ago i started to expierience exactly what u are dedscribing. Can u tell me how it started and more details i would be intersted to know.it could help both of us.
thanks
mathew


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