# Top Things Your Friends with Depersonalization Disorder Want You To Know



## peachy

I always see articles going out about different physical or mental disorders and what they want their friends to know about having the disease (Like usual, we are severely underrepresented and there is nothing out there for us so I thought I'd create one). These articles are typically short, lighthearted but hitting on heavy issues, and extremely informative and seek to break down misunderstandings. I thought it would be interesting to make a list of things that you wish people knew about living with depersonalization disorder and clear up misconceptions people might have. It seems like right now, there are no societal wide misconceptions about depersonalization because most people don't even know it exists. But for the people you have mentioned it to in passing or the people that know you well and watch you live with this everyday...what do you want people to know about depersonalization disorder?


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## Billy D.P.

That it's extremely difficult for me to express anything in a way I want to because my true inner self and my true emotions and intentions and mannerisms are always hidden behind the veil of this condition. I feel like a ghost and each and every day I wake up I pray that I can feel truly alive again.


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## Grecian

Autonomic Space Monkey said:


> 1) Just because I look completely "normal" to you, does not therefore mean that I feel it inside! Never judge a book by its cover.
> 
> 2) The DP makes me really forgetful, & no; it's not the same as when you get 'a little bit forgetful now & then'.
> 
> 3) The DP also makes me emotionally blunted, & again no; it's not because "I'm not close to people" that I feel this way.
> 
> 4) Please stop ignoring what I say about my condition & then judging me based on your ignorant assumptions!
> 
> 5) Please give me the benefit of the doubt as regards my condition & just accept it, even if you can't fully understand it.
> 
> 6) I'm not a fricking retard, I'm not crazy, I just feel that way; so do not treat me as such. It's only my perceptions that are warped, not me.
> 
> 7) Telling me to 'pull my socks up' etc isn't helpful, but it is a good way of making me REALLY FRUSTRATED WITH YOU!
> 
> 
> 
> PS: Follow this link & read from page 202 under the heading *DPD and the Family*.


I agree with all this.

I would also add that I specifically want people to know that I struggle with this EVERY minute of EVERY day, not in episodes. Granted the severity changes, but at no point in any given day do I feel 'normal' (although what 'normal' is can be debated).


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## eddy1886

I want all the idiots in the world who think mental ill health is "all in your head" to be able to come inside my mind for a few hours and then watch them run for their f*****g lives in terror....Then one by one they can apologize to me for being such narrow minded, ignorant, stigmatizing f***s!!!


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## Surfingisfun001

I'm not lazy.

and this...



eddy1886 said:


> ...Then one by one they can apologize to me for being such narrow minded, ignorant, stigmatizing f***s!!!


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## Guest

All I'd like people to know is that this condition exists... Nobody knows what the f**k it is!


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## Chicane

1) That my physical fatigue and constant floaty, off-balance sensation from DPDR limits me greatly, and doing everyday things is a big challenge. Sometimes all I can do in a day is shower.

2) That I struggle with comprehension, multi-tasking, focus, concentration, memory, spatial orientation, thinking clearly, and performing basic activities that require multiple steps.

3) That my panic, agitation, depression and mood swings are just part of this and not the real me.

Of course, if people were to understand these things, there's a good chance they would talk down to me or treat me differently (ie. like I'm a total moron). So I have to wonder if it's a blessing that those around me don't fully understand.


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## Blueyellowred23

I think the biggest thing I want people to understand is that I'm not ok. I've been dealing with this for awhile now and even though I get up every single day and take care of my son and my responsibilities, I'm still not ok. I've only told 3 people about this and they all say the same thing: "you seen fine to me". The thoughts won't shut off and I can't get past the whole not feeling real thing. I'm going hell. I feel like I'm missing out on everything, and I hate when they say I'm not missing much.


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## peachy

I think one of mine would be that depersonalization has caused me to act in seemingly bizarre ways but they are not a product of my personality. They are a product of circumstance. Of trying something new. I'm not crazy. I'm not incapable of loving. It's not that I don't know who I am. It's the fact that I'm detached from my ability to feel sometimes, making it hard to do these things. I abhor having a disorder that requires metaphors to explain. I'm not ashamed to talk about having depersonalization. I just detest being misunderstood and most the time, it hurts more to be misunderstood after opening my mouth than before.

Sometimes I look bipolar because when I actually get a chance to feel real, I really REALLY embrace it because I know how fleeting it can be. It's not that I'm incapable of emotionally regulating. It's that I don't know the next chance I will get to feel anything so I go all in. It's a choice.

Out of body experiences are not the thrill you are thinking they would be when you are trying to have sex, in a job interview, studying for an exam, trying to hold a conversation, or pretty much most of life's essential components.

Trust my non-biased input. On days when I feel like I don't have an ego, it would be nice to be granted the satisfaction of knowing I have this ability at the very least.

I don't have low self-esteem. Some days I will wake up and feel like I don't have a body and I don't remember any of the thoughts I have about anything and so everyday is kind of like starting over and remembering. Similar to Drew Barrymore in Fifty First Dates. I know who I am but sometimes the connection in my brain gets severed and I need a few hours to reconnect.

I'm not afraid to love you. I'm afraid of my inability to feel love for you. So if sometimes I'm distant, it's only because I am disconnected from my emotions and it's disorienting, confusing, and devastating to be around people I love when I can't remember what it feels like.

I am in a constant state of fight or flight but that doesn't mean I'm anxious. That also doesn't mean I have a problem with anxiety. I have a problem with how my body and mind convert anxiety into a defense mechanism. Everybody feels anxiety sometimes. The difference between us is that when I get anxious, every system in my brain shuts down, rendering me unable to even feel anxiety. And sometimes, in my calmest and happiest states I feel depersonalized.

The thing I'm most proud of accomplishing is feeling. I have gone through an unimaginable magnitude of creative ways to feel real.

Don't try to school me on my own disorder or belittle me with talk about my mental health. I have devoted my whole life to my mental health and if you haven't been around to watch the trial and error, you simply don't know. First, I have had this since before I was old enough to conceptualize it in words. Second, because there is a lack of education out there on this disorder, I have made the choice to take my health into my own terms and find solutions. You may not agree with the way I go about doing things but you might if you saw the whole picture.

The irony of this disorder is that a lot of the people I know with depersonalization disorder are the most self-aware people I have ever met. Rationally, we know the world is real. Rationally, we know we are real. We just can't feel it and it's devastating.

Feeling unreal is the most alienating experience I've ever had. It's like the whole world is invited to a party and you are the only one that didn't get an invitation. Even frogs, bugs, shadows, used staples, and the most socially awkward person you've ever met get to go. It's a bitchslap from the universe.


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## eddy1886

peachy said:


> I think one of mine would be that depersonalization has caused me to act in seemingly bizarre ways but they are not a product of my personality. They are a product of circumstance. Of trying something new. I'm not crazy. I'm not incapable of loving. It's not that I don't know who I am. It's the fact that I'm detached from my ability to feel sometimes, making it hard to do these things. I abhor having a disorder that requires metaphors to explain. I'm not ashamed to talk about having depersonalization. I just detest being misunderstood and most the time, it hurts more to be misunderstood after opening my mouth than before.
> 
> Sometimes I look bipolar because when I actually get a chance to feel real, I really REALLY embrace it because I know how fleeting it can be. It's not that I'm incapable of emotionally regulating. It's that I don't know the next chance I will get to feel anything so I go all in. It's a choice.
> 
> Out of body experiences are not the thrill you are thinking they would be when you are trying to have sex, in a job interview, studying for an exam, trying to hold a conversation, or pretty much most of life's essential components.
> 
> Trust my non-biased input. On days when I feel like I don't have an ego, it would be nice to be granted the satisfaction of knowing I have this ability at the very least.
> 
> I don't have low self-esteem. Some days I will wake up and feel like I don't have a body and I don't remember any of the thoughts I have about anything and so everyday is kind of like starting over and remembering. Similar to Drew Barrymore in Fifty First Dates. I know who I am but sometimes the connection in my brain gets severed and I need a few hours to reconnect.
> 
> I'm not afraid to love you. I'm afraid of my inability to feel love for you. So if sometimes I'm distant, it's only because I am disconnected from my emotions and it's disorienting, confusing, and devastating to be around people I love when I can't remember what it feels like.
> 
> I am in a constant state of fight or flight but that doesn't mean I'm anxious. That also doesn't mean I have a problem with anxiety. I have a problem with how my body and mind convert anxiety into a defense mechanism. Everybody feels anxiety sometimes. The difference between us is that when I get anxious, every system in my brain shuts down, rendering me unable to even feel anxiety. And sometimes, in my calmest and happiest states I feel depersonalized.
> 
> The thing I'm most proud of accomplishing is feeling. I have gone through an unimaginable magnitude of creative ways to feel real.
> 
> Don't try to school me on my own disorder or belittle me with talk about my mental health. I have devoted my whole life to my mental health and if you haven't been around to watch the trial and error, you simply don't know. First, I have had this since before I was old enough to conceptualize it in words. Second, because there is a lack of education out there on this disorder, I have made the choice to take my health into my own terms and find solutions. You may not agree with the way I go about doing things but you might if you saw the whole picture.
> 
> The irony of this disorder is that a lot of the people I know with depersonalization disorder are the most self-aware people I have ever met. Rationally, we know the world is real. Rationally, we know we are real. We just can't feel it and it's devastating.
> 
> Feeling unreal is the most alienating experience I've ever had. It's like the whole world is invited to a party and you are the only one that didn't get an invitation. Even frogs, bugs, shadows, used staples, and the most socially awkward person you've ever met get to go. It's a bitchslap from the universe.


Excellent observations!


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## eddy1886

mountainman said:


> It took everything and ruined my life


I hear ya my friend!


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## chelsy010

Autonomic Space Monkey said:


> 1) Just because I look completely "normal" to you, does not therefore mean that I feel it inside! Never judge a book by its cover.
> 
> 2) The DP makes me really forgetful, & no; it's not the same as when you get 'a little bit forgetful now & then'.
> 
> 3) The DP also makes me emotionally blunted, & again no; it's not because "I'm not close to people" that I feel this way.
> 
> 4) Please stop ignoring what I say about my condition & then judging me based on your ignorant assumptions!
> 
> 5) Please give me the benefit of the doubt as regards my condition & just accept it, even if you can't fully understand it.
> 
> 6) I'm not a fricking retard, I'm not crazy, I just feel that way; so do not treat me as such. It's only my perceptions that are warped, not me.
> 
> 7) Telling me to 'pull my socks up' etc isn't helpful, but it is a good way of making me REALLY FRUSTRATED WITH YOU!
> 
> 
> 
> PS: Follow this link & read from page 202 under the heading *DPD and the Family*.


Love this!!


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## chelsy010

mountainman said:


> It took everything and ruined my life


Yep....I can relate


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## The3lbDream

1.Like some have said I'm really forgetful..to the point where I make a note of everything.

2.I get really spaced out and flat with emotions sometimes...I'm not mad or trying to be rude I'm just in this fog.

3.Sometimes I don't want to hold a conversation...panic attacks set in and I get really nervous sometimes

4.Try to understand that all day everyday it's like being in a dream or constantly high...not fun at all

5.Try to understand where I'm coming from...don't write it off as just something in my head...if you're going to be my give support

There's tons of other stuff I could be but the main thing people need to understand is that this sucks...it feel like you're trap in your own body at times and can be very very scary


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## The3lbDream

mountainman said:


> It took everything and ruined my life





Blueyellowred23 said:


> I think the biggest thing I want people to understand is that I'm not ok. I've been dealing with this for awhile now and even though I get up every single day and take care of my son and my responsibilities, I'm still not ok. I've only told 3 people about this and they all say the same thing: "you seen fine to me". The thoughts won't shut off and I can't get past the whole not feeling real thing. I'm going hell. I feel like I'm missing out on everything, and I hate when they say I'm not missing much.


People tell me the same thing."you don't seem different to me maybe a little more quiet".My girlfriend basically broke up with me over this...said she couldn't read me and the I should little emotions and was always flat.I tried to tell her that this is the hardest thing I ever had to deal with and that I'm seriously trying right now.She didn't believe in doctors or meds and thought that it's just an imbalance that could be corrected with the right diet and a change in thought patterens along with other stuff.Said meds only mask the problem.I agree to some extent.Hell when I was with her I got to a place with DR where life wasn't that bad with...think I was seriously starting to recover.Then I set myself way back listening to s friend about shrooms.Now I'm back at square one and determined to beat this...and to help as many people along the way as I can


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## The3lbDream

Grecian said:


> I agree with all this.
> 
> I would also add that I specifically want people to know that I struggle with this EVERY minute of EVERY day, not in episodes. Granted the severity changes, but at no point in any given day do I feel 'normal' (although what 'normal' is can be debated).


I agree.This isn't like a panic attack where it last 5-10 mins at a time.No no this is constant.Everyday all day.With only a small bit of relief in between.For me,it's horrible at the start of the day.I wake in a deep fog and slowly through the day I adjust.Once I woke up and everything was normal.I think.Anyways it felt that way and I almost cried.I think I pushed it away because I was just trying to focus and just be whole for once.After I showered that morning it was DR busy as usual


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## eddy1886

The real problem with DP is not the symptoms...Its the persistence of the symptoms...Its constant...We get no breaks from it....


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## mvr

eddy1886 said:


> The real problem with DP is not the symptoms...Its the persistence of the symptoms...Its constant...We get no breaks from it....


I agree. It'd be easier if we only "felt" it once in a while. "Feeling" it constantly makes it unbearable


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## ToTo

That I'm "no longer human"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_Longer_Human


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## hurley78

If we could trade bodies and brains for the day you would have a very different opinion of what this is like to deal with. You might even crap your pants.

I most certainly didn't choose to feel this way.

You don't have to speak to me like a 2 year old, I am not stupid......I learned to count past potato a long time ago.

Just because I sit on the couch and watch TV to distract my mind doesn't mean I am lazy.

I would love to be able to do the things everyone else does like being more social, travel, go on adventures....It really isn't because I am content to sit here with my thumb up my a$$ that I don't do them.

One good day doesn't mean I am cured.


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## hurley78




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## Archer

All these gave me goosebumps. amen


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## Crazxan

I want them to know DP/DR is serious and is very hard to go through. I just wish they knew the pain people experience with DP/DR. It's almost like you are being tortured mentally and you are so exhausted.


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## drewr007

I wish people knew just because you can't see all the things I'm trying to do to get better doesn't mean I'm not doing them. Outsiders can see if you go to therapy or meditate or whatever but they it's harder to see the energy it takes to fight a constant mental battle.


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## Lexy67

I appreciate this posting. Do is a real 'bitch slap!' Unfortunately it seems harder and harder to get rid of. Yesterday I was playing tennis and I coudnt recall where I was, the Val and score keeping. It's one more activity Rooney.

I wish my old life would return although I won't say that it wasn't riddled with problems that had me anxious and confused. But being able to gage my own ability would've very nice feeling. Like I am in charge. I pray for that day. Something that normal ppl have regularly.


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## Arohanui

drewr007 said:


> I wish people knew just because you can't see all the things I'm trying to do to get better doesn't mean I'm not doing them. Outsiders can see if you go to therapy or meditate or whatever but they it's harder to see the energy it takes to fight a constant mental battle.


So true man, my gf broke up with me because she felt like i wasn´t trying enough...


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