# I cannot take this anymore*Trigger Warning*



## MiketheAlien (Nov 7, 2013)

I just need to type this out since I have no one to talk to right now.

I am exhausted from my life. How can I feel exhausted when I cannot even feel my own existence. I am losing my sense of identity. I say things and do things which I have no control over. I am just a spectator. I try and try and try to fight through this. I get mood swings, extreme anger, and hurtful dangerous thoughts that dont feel like my own. I have lost all contact with friends, work, and fading family ties. I do not have panic attacks anymore, I just float through my day, like a ghost. Did I ride my bike 2 hours through the city today, or was it yesterday, What day is it, I dont know. I need help, I need professional help, I have tried the holistic, natural, mind over matter way of recovery, with good results, but my mind is still in chaos. I have told my Doctor every visit that I need help, I cant live my life, Ive lost all interest in everything, I feel like I am not in control of my own thoughts and actions, I havent worked in over a year, I feel anhedonia. So far he has referred me to a Psychiatrist, which I have been on a waiting list to see, for about 4 months now. I do not have the anxiety/fear/panic attack feelings that I am getting schizophrenia but from what I have researched, I may have early warning signs. "crazy people dont know they are crazy".. Bullshit, I know a couple of people who have schizophrenia and other mental health issues who know the warning signs and KNOW something is not right with their state of mind. I am so tired of reaching out for help and not getting it. I am not even living my own fucking life! The years have just passed by and I barely feel it at all! What else am I supposed to do? Go to emergency? I would check myself into a Psychiatric Hospital if I knew of any in my area. I am so tried. God I am sorry to type all this negative crap here but in all seriousness, this is the only place I have to express myself right now.


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## Riah (Feb 17, 2014)

Something that helped me was knowing that depersonalization is a method for your brain to cope with anxiety/stress/panic, whatever. Another member of this site, *tmarrow*, explained to me that "you are not psychotic, and you will not go crazy. It's just your brain being overwhelmed. It sucks though; the phrase 'mental Halocaust' is the only one that seems to do it justice. In my experience, the DP and DR go away over time".

Please do not think that you are going crazy. Hell, thinking youre going crazy in itself is a symptom of DP/DR.

I don't know much and I don't have much to offer, but I remember that you have wicked taste in music, so you've got something there.

I did emit myself into a hospital near Toronto last month. I got to talk to a psychiatrist within hours and he made me feel less crazy. It's a long story, but the hospital *was* worth it for me. You've got nothing to lose. Cliche but, keep your chin up. You're a human with DP, don't forgot, you are still a human.


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## Guest (Mar 6, 2014)

You are not your feelings. Try not to identify with them


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## marry1985 (Dec 1, 2013)

We are not our feelings, not our memories, not our thoughts, then who we are?


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## Guest (Mar 6, 2014)

marry1985 said:


> We are not our feelings, not our memories, not our thoughts, then who we are?


Those are related to self-esteem and we'll never be able to truly love ourselves if we keep focusing on those.

Self-worth is when you know that you have value and are still a good person no matter what happens. That is who we are. Something greater than the sum of our parts.


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## marry1985 (Dec 1, 2013)

I see your point. It's just that the problem here is not being a good or a bad person. We need our emotions back, that give us sense of selfe. Maybe I know I am a good person but because of my dp I can't feel it. Did you get me?Anyway I appreciate that you're trying to be positive!


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## terdferguson (Mar 5, 2014)

post


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## MiketheAlien (Nov 7, 2013)

Yoshiki said:


> I don't know if this will help you at all, but this Buddhist monks videos has helped me so much during my recovery.
> 
> He's a funny guy and isn't intimidating or too serious, it's worth a listen.
> 
> He has tonnes of good stuff.


Thanks a lot man, this is awesome!



Riah said:


> Something that helped me was knowing that depersonalization is a method for your brain to cope with anxiety/stress/panic, whatever. Another member of this site, *tmarrow*, explained to me that "you are not psychotic, and you will not go crazy. It's just your brain being overwhelmed. It sucks though; the phrase 'mental Halocaust' is the only one that seems to do it justice. In my experience, the DP and DR go away over time".
> 
> Please do not think that you are going crazy. Hell, thinking youre going crazy in itself is a symptom of DP/DR.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for the insight and reaching out, I appreciate it.


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## Guest (Mar 6, 2014)

marry1985 said:


> I see your point. It's just that the problem here is not being a good or a bad person. We need our emotions back, that give us sense of selfe. Maybe I know I am a good person but because of my dp I can't feel it. Did you get me?Anyway I appreciate that you're trying to be positive!


I understand how you feel, I was trying to help you with that we don't have to feel like ourselves either lol

We're still us


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

marry1985 said:


> We are not our feelings, not our memories, not our thoughts, then who we are?


We are just a being...who use thoughts, memories and feelings but we are separate from them they don't define who we actually are


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## trapt23 (Mar 9, 2014)

I might not be much help, but I am in the same boat as you, you definitely are not alone.


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## MiketheAlien (Nov 7, 2013)

trapt23 said:


> I might not be much help, but I am in the same boat as you, you definitely are not alone.


Thanks, It really does help knowing that all of us in this awesome community can relate and share the recovery process, the ups and the downs, Hope you start feeling better soon


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