# My musings on DP



## jojo72 (Jul 12, 2011)

I haven't been on here for awhile, but I thought I'd come back to share a few things I've discovered in my fight with DP.

To start, I would like to say, I have been through hell with this. A few months ago I was in such a deep state of despair and anxiety that I doubted I would ever come out the other end.

It started with completely crippling DR, to the point that I couldn't go to work. If I moved from one room to the other, I would be utterly overcome with feelings of unreality. It was a physical sensation; I actually could feel my brain trying to make sense of what was happening, but the giving up and shuddering with horror.

What followed was the worse DP I have ever had. I was so acutely aware of utter weirdness of every body sensation I had. Eating was hell, having food in my mouth was so odd and wrong that I stopped altogether. Everything I was constantly questioning the parameters of my consciousness, being aware of being aware. It was like when you face two mirrors towards each other and get that endless reflectivity - there was nothing to ground my consciousness in, and so I just kept thinking I was thinking I was thinking.

A few months on and things have changed. I have a new job working from home, and while this can be hard (I get DR really bad at home) being my own boss is amazing. I am exercising every day. I have upped my meds (Paxil) and this has helped my anxiety.

While I still think I have DP and DR, I have got to the point where I can deal with it. The endless existential musings have stopped, as have the anxiety attacks (touch wood).

Here are some things that I have found helpful on my journey to recovery

*Knowing it can't hurt you*
No matter how weird you feel, how out of it, how not there, know that this is JUST A FEELING. Feelings can be hard, painful and scary, but they, in themselves, have no power. Just tell yourself gently "this can't hurt me". It helps.

*Keep active*
Even a daily walk can make a huge difference. Don't like in bed all day. Engage with the world. Be proactive. Don't let yourself rot away in pain.

*Communicate - to a point*
It's so important to share how you feel, but it can be counterproductive. I have got to the point where I don't want to talk about it anymore. Listen to other people's problems. Practice compassion. Other people may seem unreal, but they're not. They stil need you. Even if you have to fake empathy, just do it. Fake it til you make it.

*Meditate*
Mindfulness meditation is sooooo helpful. There is a link on this site to a website that has some great meditations. Download them, listen to them. Be still and aware.

*Animals*
My cat has been a life saver. He is so in the moment, so here, so grounded. If you have an animal, spend as much time as possible with it. Pat it, feel it's fur. Just be still with it. Animals have so much to teach us if we bother to listen.

*No one knows*
Existential questioning can be great - but it can also be destructive. In a theoretical sense, I love questioning life, existence etc. When it starts becoming scary, it's a problem. No one knows the meaning of life. No one knows the meaning of the universe. There is no way we will know while we are on this earth, so STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!! Distract yourself with trivia. Go to the movies. Talk shit. Read a book. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!

That's it for now. Hope you can all find peace in your lives xxxxx


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## Guest (Oct 6, 2011)

tell us something we don't know....


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## jojo72 (Jul 12, 2011)

Rodo said:


> tell us something we don't know....


wow, you are so charming! now I remember why I don't go on here anymore


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## opie37060 (Jan 9, 2010)

Rodo said:


> tell us something we don't know....


Rodo Why are you always so negative towards people? We come to this site for help and support not negativity. For some of us it seems like our only hope.


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## Parachutes333 (Dec 13, 2010)

jojo72 said:


> I haven't been on here for awhile, but I thought I'd come back to share a few things I've discovered in my fight with DP.
> 
> To start, I would like to say, I have been through hell with this. A few months ago I was in such a deep state of despair and anxiety that I doubted I would ever come out the other end.
> 
> ...


JoJo! Great read... But can you elaborate a bit more on existential thinking? I am freaking out. I have terrible anxiety. I smoked a joint and thought I was going to die. I then fell asleep. And Now I keep thinking what if I didn't fall asleep? What if I died and now I am in the afterlife where everything is my imagination? What if in the real world (that I left behind) my parents found me dead on my bed and don't know I am hear in the afterlife seeing them in an imaginative form? I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. I JUST ASK MYSELF WHAT IF? Anxiety is making me feel like it could be true. So now I fear I have going crazy and completely irrational but anxiety can do a lot of things to you right?? does it sound like derealization? Cause I fear I am developing schizophrenia or something







Please help!!


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## jojo72 (Jul 12, 2011)

Parachutes333 said:


> JoJo! Great read... But can you elaborate a bit more on existential thinking? I am freaking out. I have terrible anxiety. I smoked a joint and thought I was going to die. I then fell asleep. And Now I keep thinking what if I didn't fall asleep? What if I died and now I am in the afterlife where everything is my imagination? What if in the real world (that I left behind) my parents found me dead on my bed and don't know I am hear in the afterlife seeing them in an imaginative form? I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. I JUST ASK MYSELF WHAT IF? Anxiety is making me feel like it could be true. So now I fear I have going crazy and completely irrational but anxiety can do a lot of things to you right?? does it sound like derealization? Cause I fear I am developing schizophrenia or something
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you matie!

First of all DON"T SMOKE POT!!!!! I had some in the weekend, and it made me feel like shit all week.

I hate those bloody games our minds play with us, it's so bad aye!

Yeah, those questions about existence etc are really hard to deal with, but they won't hurt you. You are alive, you are real, everyone else is real. It sounds like your anxiety is causing you to feel derealised, and then you are anxious because you are feeling dr - a viscious cycle.

Are you on any anxiety meds? I would not be here now if it wasn't for my SSRIs. If you're not, maybe you could look into in, or into some therapy?

I promise you, this will pass. You need to work on it. DON'T SMOKE POT! Exercise, engage with life. I can recommend a couple of books - Overcoming Depersonalisation and Feelings of Unrealityand Feeling Unreal. They are both helpful, and stopped me freaking out so much.

DOn't get me wrong, I'm still not great. But I am a thousand times better than I was. I hope you get better sweetie


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## LiveLaughLove (Oct 5, 2011)

Hm, it's interesting to see some of what I feel being said by someone else. Especially the 'people being unreal' part, because I always question how I can actual connect with them, in the sense that, they just don't seem real because it seems impossible that someone outside of my mind could exist and have their own thoughts etc. Maybe it sounds self-centered, but I just mean I suppose that it boggles my brain because of DR. :3


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## jojo72 (Jul 12, 2011)

LiveLaughLove said:


> Hm, it's interesting to see some of what I feel being said by someone else. Especially the 'people being unreal' part, because I always question how I can actual connect with them, in the sense that, they just don't seem real because it seems impossible that someone outside of my mind could exist and have their own thoughts etc. Maybe it sounds self-centered, but I just mean I suppose that it boggles my brain because of DR. :3


Yeah that is the crux of the matter.If you aren't real how can anyone else be real. But the thing is they are and we are. It's all just our stupid brains playing tricks on us.


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