# If anyone can help, please respond. I'm losing it!



## Ajax DR (Feb 10, 2009)

Hey, so where do I begin, first off I'm not really new to this website. I've been a member since 2009, I've had DP and DR since 2008. It's been quite the long journey, the best way to describe it is simply a roller coaster. I got this nightmare when me and a couple buddies decided to light up in October of 08, I've experienced it all, every single thing that all you people have felt I have been right there with you. It's been a hell of 4 years, my biggest phobias besides the obvious "going crazy" is hurting people, or dying due to pure stress. Last year wasn't so bad, I could say that it was my one year of clarity. But, life hasn't been the same since the incident. Life has lost it's luster, empty. I can't even remember the last time a fully enjoyed something, when I experienced the high of life. It's as if all the joy of the world has been turned down from 12 to 5, it's really sad. And now that I'm 19 the world has just excelled almost beyond a pace that I can keep up with. Just today, I was driving with a friend of mine and without realizing it a hit the curb, I didn't pull myself back together till I heard her scream. I mean, does anybody else have this problem?! The fact that I was so out of my head that it took a near fatal experience to snap you me out of distractions. I didn't even realize that I was doing any of this crap, until, boom! So why I decided to come back on was to talk to some of you who have shared these experiences, to know I'm not alone in this. Lately, my head feels like it's being squeezed, like I'm about to snap, and that scares. I worry about ridiculous stuff that I even shouldn't be. My biggest phobia is starting to come back, the fear of snapping and hurting another person. Going crazy, all my hopes and dreams gone, due to the fact that I'll be locked up forever. Because I had finally snapped and killed another person. It's scary, and I never want to do that, but I'm scared eventually I might not start to care, and I'll lose it. Anybody feel like this? or have I just finally lost my damn mind?


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## foghat (Jan 1, 2011)

Ajax, If you feel like you're going to hurt yourself or someone else, it's best to go to the doctor immediately. The consequences from doing something crazy like that would be far far far worse than what you're going thru now. If you won't go to the doctor, I'd recommend starting with some supplements to ease your mind. Magnesium, L-Glutamine, Passion Flower, Valerian, L-Theanine, etc... These will definitely take the edge off. Some are recommended to take at night only. You'll need to do a little research though. This whole thing needs to be conquered in steps and the supps will be your first step. Follow it up with some regular exercise. This whole thing is about the neurochemistry in the brain.... get those levels back up and you'll feel fine. Holler back if you need
Peace


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

Ajax DR said:


> Hey, so where do I begin, first off I'm not really new to this website. I've been a member since 2009, I've had DP and DR since 2008. It's been quite the long journey, the best way to describe it is simply a roller coaster. I got this nightmare when me and a couple buddies decided to light up in October of 08, I've experienced it all, every single thing that all you people have felt I have been right there with you. It's been a hell of 4 years, my biggest phobias besides the obvious "going crazy" is hurting people, or dying due to pure stress. Last year wasn't so bad, I could say that it was my one year of clarity. But, life hasn't been the same since the incident. Life has lost it's luster, empty. I can't even remember the last time a fully enjoyed something, when I experienced the high of life. It's as if all the joy of the world has been turned down from 12 to 5, it's really sad. And now that I'm 19 the world has just excelled almost beyond a pace that I can keep up with. Just today, I was driving with a friend of mine and without realizing it a hit the curb, I didn't pull myself back together till I heard her scream. I mean, does anybody else have this problem?! The fact that I was so out of my head that it took a near fatal experience to snap you me out of distractions. I didn't even realize that I was doing any of this crap, until, boom! So why I decided to come back on was to talk to some of you who have shared these experiences, to know I'm not alone in this. Lately, my head feels like it's being squeezed, like I'm about to snap, and that scares. I worry about ridiculous stuff that I even shouldn't be. My biggest phobia is starting to come back, the fear of snapping and hurting another person. Going crazy, all my hopes and dreams gone, due to the fact that I'll be locked up forever. Because I had finally snapped and killed another person. It's scary, and I never want to do that, but I'm scared eventually I might not start to care, and I'll lose it. Anybody feel like this? or have I just finally lost my damn mind?


hey bro... thanks for sharing. I had something similar... I remember driving around and sometimes coming an inch close to crashing due to absent-mindedness. Or driving and thinking: what stops me from doing a simple, fast turning of the wheel.. and crashing head on to those cars coming from the other direction. Or running over that person over there. ?

But trust me, you won't 'snap', people with DP are actually too aware and too conscious to do such a thing. this fear *will not *turn into reality. you will not lose your mind, the only thing that you can actually lose while on DP is hope. And in that is what you need to be thinking about. If you want to regain your ability to enjoy life, to have those ups again, to feel good once again, then key is to not lose hope, not to feed those fatalistic thought-loops. You are not going crazy, you will not kill anyone. the only stupid thing you can do is abandon hope.

Also, try let go of shame and guilt. You simply didnt know that smoking that joint will trigger this. it was an accident, and it was not your fault. there is a lot more to it than just a simple toke of weed... genetics, past life experiences, personality, etc play a major role.

Try one of these meditations, they really helped me out when i had DP. The music one (second one) is particularly good.

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27222-meditative-techniques-that-helped-me-out

Also there s another one here, though a bit more extreme... which involves trying to get into those feelings of frustration, anger, etc, to try let them out and reduce symptoms.
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27229-dp-sexuality-and-morality/

the supplements are good too. may i add: Vitamin D3, and vitamin B12 are really good.

this is my email: [email protected] you can write me if you wish so you can tell me a bit more about what you re going through.

I hope this helps. Take it easy and try not to over-worry about those thoughts

Peace

Abraxas


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

I get these obsessive thoughts that I'll snap and hurt someone, and they're really unfun, especially when they come around people I love; they seem to be accompanied by a higher level of anxiety than my normal one, which seems to always be pretty high with dp/dr. They pretty much always bug me when they come up, but I've never acted on them, or even been close to it, as far as I can tell. It's just more obsessive thinking, that runs and runs and, eventually, runs out.


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## snow storm (Aug 10, 2010)

dpsince2002 said:


> I get these obsessive thoughts that I'll snap and hurt someone, and they're really unfun, especially when they come around people I love; they seem to be accompanied by a higher level of anxiety than my normal one, which seems to always be pretty high with dp/dr. They pretty much always bug me when they come up, but I've never acted on them, or even been close to it, as far as I can tell. It's just more obsessive thinking, that runs and runs and, eventually, runs out.


Hmm, maybe you have problems with pent up aggression?
I have had major anger problems with people I love cause I felt let down by them and disappointed and had anger I felt I could not express and then it turned into these thoughts. Don't know if what you experience is something similar.


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

Yeah, thanks, pent-up aggression could have something to do with it. I've heard that violent thoughts are part of OCD, too, which I'm pretty sure I've got at least to some degree. I know dp and OCD have been tentatively linked, maybe people more predisposed to OCD are more likely to get dp.


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