# UUUHHHHGGGGG



## Guest (Dec 8, 2009)

So when dp started, I just woke up one day and had it. It wasn't a change that happened while I was awake. I did not experience myself going into dp. Just woke up with it. Why oh why can't I just go to sleep and wake up when reality has decided to come back?
I *think* the lamictal is starting to bring back reality. Only it feels like there are a bunch of shorts in the wiring of my brain. Like things keep flickering on and off and it's really distrubing. For instance, right now, anything up to about 12 inches from my face looks real. Like it did when I was in reality. Anything beyond that looks like dp vision (how that is even possible, I have no freaking idea). My awareness of what is around me is starting to come back and yet I am still dealing with the whole feeling like I'm in a dream and I don't know where I am. So I keep having these weird moments where its like I lose where I am at. I can be looking at something on the computer or starting to space out and I suddenly jerk back into the present and am like "WHERE THE HECK AM I??" One part of my brain is telling me info about the reality of the situation and the other part is still sending me signals that everything feels like a dream/I don't know where I am at. That is extremely off putting. If I was fully in dp or fully out of dp, I could atleast have some comfort zone. With dp my comfort zone was surfing the net or watching videos online. I can't stand to do that anymore. I literally get lost when I concentrate on something. Its like I stop existing and then my new sense of awareness starts to push through and I get adreniline rushing down my arms because I am constantly startled. Oh and then my perceptions keep changing. Every time it happens it feels like I am suddenly transported to another world. It's like when dp first started and we felt like we just suddenly woke up in this alternate universe, only this is happening sometimes a couple of times a minute. Last night, for example, when my ativan wore off, everything got super clear. I thought that maybe I was seeing reality because everything just felt different. I think that's the part that is distrubing me the most, how everything feels. We rely so much on our feelings. If something feels a certain way we can know if it is safe or we are in danger. With my senses shifting so rapidly, I can't get any sense of comfort. And to top it all off, I am dealing with the whole hyper stimulated awareness issue. The one where I go into the bathroom and am like "holy freaking crap, I'm in the bathroom! Woah that's a toilet, etc". It happens for EVERYTHING. Any time I try to get up and interact with my surroundings it happens. Like just a little while ago I went to get some cereal and I had my dp vision but the new awareness thing was going like crazy. I was standing in front of the cupboard and was like "woah a cupboard. I'm looking at the cupboard. Now I just reached for the cereal. Wow, I'm walking to the cabinet to get a bowl, this feels strange. Dude my hand just reached for the bowl. Ok need to open the cereal box. HOLY CRAP, I'M OPENING A CEREAL BOX! This is all so weird." Then I went to the fridge to get the milk and all of the hyper awareness started to freak me out so I rushed through pouring the milk and had to contain myself from grabbing a spoon on the run out of the kitchen because I started to panic. And don't even get me started about my sense of self. Everything I described above is happening in regard to that as well. My perception of self and who I am keeps shifting. Dp made me feel like I was no longer me. I was no long Sarah. I was someone who bore that name and knew information about that person but wasn't that person. Now everything is bouncing around.

What on earth is happening to me? Tommy, you are almost recovered, did you experience crap like this as your brain started to "wake up"? Be honest you guys, are these symptoms of a mental illness? Am I going off the deep end? I just wish that right now I could find comfort in SOMETHING, ANYTHING. The only way I have been able to function is to stay really high on benzos. I was going to try and stop them to see if I could actually feel and participate in what is happening to my senses but with how disturbing they are, maybe I need to stay high for a couple of weeks and then see how everything feels at that point?

Oh, there is one very good thing that has come out of all of this. I have ALL of my memories back. Everything that happened before dp is there. I can remember anything I want to and even what it felt like to experience those things. I guess part of that, is that I also remember what reality felt like. Not completely but, I get a hint. For instance, we went to Disneyland in March. I can easily recall those memories and what it felt like to be there. How I felt, what the atmosphere was like, what reality felt like. I can tell you that it feels as natural as breathing. It is just there. It's not some huge thing you notice like with dp/dr. It just is and you just are and you don't question it. Its like York said "Reality is being inside the movie, blissfully unaware there is anything else but that."

And as I end this I look up to realize that my reality vision is back for things across the room as well as 6-12 inches from my face. Why can't I just wake up fully intigrated back into reality????


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

i feel that at least for me, the nature of dp/dr is to shift and this is one of the most frusrating aspects because you can never just settle down and get used to it..it keeps you on your toes. That said, try not to constantly analyze what is different, how it's different, why it's different. These things just give the dp/dr more power overyou. While it is impossible to ignore, finding distractions is always a good idea. Find anything you like doing and do it. no i dont think you are going crazy, if you were, i'd already be crazy. Hope things get clearer for you,

Michael.


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## chrisrich (Sep 1, 2009)

> That said, try not to constantly analyze what is different, how it's different, why it's different.


Good advice - never get lost in analyzing every little thing, it is too easy to get lost in it.

~Chris


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## Guest (Dec 9, 2009)

I found my magic medication level to help me cope. I started out taking .25 mg of ativan 3 times a day. Then I have had to move up to .5 atleast twice a day. I noticed in the past few days that .5 isn't working anymore so I took 1mg and I am SUPER calm and content. I don't even notice my dp. Benzo addiction, here I come.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

yeah be careful, as your body gets used to more mg it will quickly be unaffected by raising the dosage..try not to become dependent on the benzos because they are extremely difficult to come off of.

michael.


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## Guest (Dec 9, 2009)

Garjon said:


> yeah be careful, as your body gets used to more mg it will quickly be unaffected by raising the dosage..try not to become dependent on the benzos because they are extremely difficult to come off of.
> 
> michael.


Oh. I know. I became dependent on Ativan a couple of years ago. I didn't know then that you can't just stop taking it. SO I did and went through horrible withdrawls. I felt sick from my toes to the root of my hair and my vision and stuff was messed up. So I weaned myself off. Honestly though, I know the risks and am still going to take the benzos. I have been trying to either go without them or just keep on a smaller dose and, at this point, I can't deal without them.


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## melindazcrew6 (Nov 25, 2009)

I am scared to death of the Benzo's... Have had Xanax in my purse for 3 months and am scared to take them. Afraid it will make the DP worse or make me feel really drugged :roll: they are .25....can anyone help and tell me a little bit about them. I know they are addicting .


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## Guest (Dec 9, 2009)

melindazcrew6 said:


> I am scared to death of the Benzo's... Have had Xanax in my purse for 3 months and am scared to take them. Afraid it will make the DP worse or make me feel really drugged :roll: they are .25....can anyone help and tell me a little bit about them. I know they are addicting .


Yes, benzos can make the dp sensation worse. I took xanax at the beginning of having dp and it made my dp worse. I was then put on klonopin because I have having massive panic attacks from the dp and at first it actually had an opposite effect for me. It made me calm and it made everything clear, like it supressed dp. Eventually that effect went away and it was just calming to me. It didn't make the dp worse. It just would make me a little sedated. I am taking ativan and lamictal now and with a high enough dose of ativan, it numbs me out enough that I can ignore the dp. Right now I am dealing with major shifts in my perception happening rapidly and periods of very intense dr and the ativan just numbs me out to that so I can ignore it. It is very sedating. You do feel very drugged but it also does help so much when you are dealing with terror from the dp feelings.

Just because these drugs worked the way they did on me, does not mean they will work the same on you. My sister takes ativan, 3 mg a day, and does not feel any sedating effects. She never has. With me, 1/4th of a miligram of klonopin puts me to sleep where I am now taking 3/4 of a miligram of Ativan without being sleepy. Ativan and xanax are fast acting so they deliver the medication in a large load very quickly and leave your system quickly. I believe the half life of ativan is like 2-3 hours. (because of my body chemistry I get 6 hours out of a dose of ativan) and klonopin has a half like of 6 hours. The klonopin releases the medication more slowly into your system and it stays longer. If you are really struggling with anxiety and fear, I would say to go ahead and try to xanax. If you are dealing with dp without terror, I don't see a reason that you would need to take anything. If you know that you are more sensitive than normal to medications, start out with half of the dose they gave you. If you do fine, go ahead and take the dose you have and see how it effects you. If that isn't the benzo for you, you could try the others and see if any of them work.


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## guest123 (Dec 2, 2009)

tinyfairypeople said:


> melindazcrew6 said:
> 
> 
> > I am scared to death of the Benzo's... Have had Xanax in my purse for 3 months and am scared to take them. Afraid it will make the DP worse or make me feel really drugged :roll: they are .25....can anyone help and tell me a little bit about them. I know they are addicting .
> ...


Ativan's half life is more like 10-20 hours. So if you're saying you get double the length of effect, one does should last you a good 24 hours if not more. It also doesn't dissolve very well in either water or fats, taking a couple of hours to absorb fully, and then remains in the vascular system for longer than the other 'pams.


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## melindazcrew6 (Nov 25, 2009)

I have bad anxiety and Dp!! With TERROR  I am on Zoloft 100mg and I am staring to have break thru anxiety. I was suppose to up it saturday but I am a chicken SHIT :? Does they xanax help with the CRAZY thoughts. The what ifs and OMG I am going crazy feeling????


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## guest123 (Dec 2, 2009)

Check out anxietynomore.co.uk

His book helped me a lot when I was really bad and it's focused on panic and anxiety as well as DP.

It's pretty cheap too compared to the linden method et al....


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## Guest (Dec 9, 2009)

melindazcrew6 said:


> I have bad anxiety and Dp!! With TERROR  I am on Zoloft 100mg and I am staring to have break thru anxiety. I was suppose to up it saturday but I am a chicken SHIT :? Does they xanax help with the CRAZY thoughts. The what ifs and OMG I am going crazy feeling????


Yes, it does. It calms you way down.


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## Mario (Oct 26, 2009)

Maybe you are not going to believe,but 8 mg of ativan per day its being the only thing that is keeping me out from real hell.without them,life would be a torment to me.
In my opinian,in spite of being so additive,benzos are what keep many people here out from hell.


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