# being a serial killer?



## stickdude (Aug 13, 2004)

i probably sound like a lunatic, but i keep having these anxious thoughts that one day i will be a serial killer. i however do not and would never want to hurt a single person. i keep thinking this because of tons of anxiety, social anxiety, and depression and one day maybe i'll just "snap" or something. im also a quiet person and think too much. i usually think this when i'm alone. when im out with others, i'm fine.

does anyone else think this way? or do i have dissassociative identity disorder and it's my other half thinking this way or something.


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

youre obsessing. thats all it is. at least from what you say. cause you claim to not want to hurt anyone. but there are alot of people on this site that are borderline psychopaths. me included. its the whole fine line thing between genius and insanity. sometimes that line gets blurred. when you add obssessive thoughts it just makes you think about it more, and the more you think about it the more you will think youre gonna do it, even though you are afraid to death of the thought of it.

but the real serious serial killers are usually so numb to the thought of death and actually enjoy seeing the pain of others. it fullfills their sick desires to dominate and control another person, to the point of taking their life. if you were really gonna go out and kill people.. the desire to do so would be extremely strong, to the point where your conscience doenst even exist.

i used to think this all the time, until reality slaps me in the face and i realise.. "oh thats why!" like for instance i thought for a long time that i was a cannibal, because everytime i would turn on the operation show with all the blood and guts everywhere my mouth would start to water. this really freaked me out for so long i thought i was some kind of monster. until one day it hit me.. the reason im salivating is because im about to throw up! DUH!!! :roll: im squeemish, not hungry!! but obsessing about it instead of thinking logically about it, i had convinced myself that i was some kind of abomination.

you have to start telling these thoughts to take a hike. start recognizing the obsessive thought pattern, and put a stop to it as soon as you think it. even if you have to stamp your feet and shout out loud "AHHHYOUMUTHERFUCKINCUNTSONOFABITCHSHUTTHEFUCKUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!" :x do it! do whatever it takes to snuff it out. cause all you are doing is making yourself mentally exausted, and physically sick. whatever you do dont sit there and obsess over it. turn off forensic files for a little bit and go for a run, breathe the fresh air. thats a good technique as well. deep deep fresh breaths.

get a book on basic meditation. it really helps to calm the raging winds of your mind. you have to focus on one thing, something that warms you and lifts your spirit. you cant think about anything else, just that one thing. focus on your breathing as you take deep long slow breaths. with each breath in your inhale the good energys while keeping this mental image fresh in your mind, and as you blow out, you blow out all the negative thoughts and energies. the longer you do it the better you will feel.

the whole point of all this is to stop those thoughts as soon as they start. because they arent real. they are a demons trying to poison you. and the more you buy into it, the more they succeed. remember that YOU are in control of yourself. YOU are NOT out of control.. YOU are NOT a serial killer nore will you ever be. and if those thoughts creep back in which they will all the time.. you must banish them back to the pits of hell.

(disclaimer.. im not religious.. but im just suggesting a stragedy that may help. good luck whatevers ) 8)


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## Guest (Dec 14, 2004)

I've thought the same thing, just for the fact that we're often, empty, disturbed, emotionless, like most seriel killers we've heard about. Don't get be wrong, I hate people, but i'd sooner kill myself than another human being.


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## Guest (Dec 14, 2004)

man this is something I actually fear as well. Like one day I will just snap. Sometimes I feel violent but never to the point where i would want to kill someone. Im with Ziggomatix on this one, i'd rather kill myself. The thing is like i am one of the least violent people. I think ive been in maybe two fights in my life. I just don't like violence, no matter how much shit that I talk. Everyone who knows me, knows that I have a long fuse and am laid back, but I still do get mad and feel anger. I don't even like to kill insects and stuff like that to be honest. Sometimes though my cat will bother me, like the other night I was sleeping and it came into my room ( which is does often and I usually don't mind) but for some reason it bothered me, So I picked it up and tossed it down my stairs. Like i didn't throw it and i was trying to hurt it, but i was trying to fall asleep. And obviously cats are very agile and shit, so it didn't get hurt or anything, and i felt kind of bad after so I had to go make sure it was ok.

But yeah man i dunno, its like a fear of mine is going insane and becomming some serial killer. The weird thing is like If i see something on TV about them, I usually watch it ( i have no idea why) and than afterwards i obsess on the fact that I am going to snap at any moment.

I dunno


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## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

i get intrusive thoughts about harming my neices and nephews,or im gonna stab my mum and dad...

im being totally graphic and upfront with these thoughts because thats all they are just stupid intrusive thoughts...they upset the fuck out of me but try not to let them bother you,its the damn anxiety,i really dont understand why i get these thoughts but any book on anxiety will tell you that most people with anxiety problems get these horrid thoughts,they pass if you ignore them


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

It's just the anxiety. We conjer up the scariest thoughts we can think of then feel crazy for thinking them. I've read this many many times of people with anxiety disorders fearing they're gonna hurt their loved ones or murder someone or something else equally scary. Try to relax and learn to trust yourself and know that anxiety won't cause you to do anything you wouldn't do without the anxiety.


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## Guest (Dec 14, 2004)

From what I know most serial killers, from an early age, were obsessed with fire, and torturing and killing animals.

You don't have either of these interests, do you?

I also have anxious thoughts that I'll go crazy and do something horrible. I've never worried that I would become a serial killer but I have worried that I would become a horrible person in other ways.


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## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

the trouble is these are just fleeting thoughts that would otherwise go unoticed but because we are holed up in an anxious state we fixate on them and they stick like glue


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2004)

littlecrocodile said:


> From what I know most serial killers, from an early age, were obsessed with fire, and torturing and killing animals.


Well, lets see. I was born a pyromaniac (not arsonist) and believe its a worthwhile hobby. I've also staged massive gladitorial style insect wars. Put dozens of species of insect/arachnid/whatever in a fishtank and watch who wins. Sadistic - yes. Evil - yes. Future serial killer - no. As far as rape, i'm still debating it. My seriel rapist theme will be: attractive women....oh and god told me to do it.


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2004)

Z, I don't think bugs count. I killed ants for most of my childhood in infinitely varied ways.

I think it has to be a warm fuzzy mammal to bump you over to the serial killer camp.


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## stickdude (Aug 13, 2004)

littlecrocodile said:


> From what I know most serial killers, from an early age, were obsessed with fire, and torturing and killing animals.
> 
> You don't have either of these interests, do you?
> 
> I also have anxious thoughts that I'll go crazy and do something horrible. I've never worried that I would become a serial killer but I have worried that I would become a horrible person in other ways.


i've always liked fire, but not really obsessed. torturing animals i would never do. my friend threw a small black pouch thingy with little beads inside at this donkey the other day and i'm just like what are you doing man.

and yeah i agree with you soulbrotha, i'd take my life over someone elses


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

now this is one chick you wouldnt be able to rape ziggo. ive gotten into a fist fight with a 300 lb bouncer, ive made a marine cry(that was kinda funny actually.. what a wimp!), my ex was psycho so whenever wed fight he would usually win, but when i was 12 i won my dad in a wrestling match, my dad was twice my size, but i got his arms pinned and there was nothing he could do, i even shoved a sticky gack ball covered in cat hair in his mouth. lol. :lol: i have no idea why im sharing this info.. i guess cause when i hear a guy talking about dominating women, it makes me laugh because i actually like the challenge. ive been in so many fights with men its not even funny. i usually lose but i dont feel sorry for myself. i just get pissed that i lost! i think that woman should try to get over that victim mentality and realise that men arent really that strong, its mostly just for show. we can be just as strong and intimidating. and besides its really easy to pull a guys nuts off, they are so vulnerable. :lol:

im sorry im just not scared of boys, and i dont think it nessisarily means im psycho, it means im not a moron. 8)


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2004)

I like to joke about rape, abortion, all that funny stuff. I dated a girl who was into all that s & m garbage (no offense) and the whole idea of anyone getting off to that sort of thing really makes no sense. I AM concentrated fury though and i'm pretty sure I haven't found my match yet because if provoked, i just flip out (like a psycho). I also watch too many kung-fu movies so someone expects the typical american brawl (run into each other, fall down, roll around and give each other stupid wrestling holds) i'll give them a calculated attack. 8)

its really easy to pull a guys nuts off, they are so vulnerable.


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

yea and plus if a guy wants to rape you.. he has to expose his nuts. :twisted:

(disclaimer... sleepys is not a nut-hater, nore has she ever even come close to hurting any. actually sleepy is very fond of them in a fondling sort of way.)


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2004)

First I would stalk you through the woods like creeping donkey










and use my myriad of mystical attacks to beat you into submission (goddamn i hate Tie Domi)










But eventually, in my whirlwind of constantly changing attacks, I will leave myself vulnerable for a nut-tearing-off










Its all good though, i'll just bounce back like always, and go get me some new testicles at wal-mart


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2004)

> As far as rape, i'm still debating it. My seriel rapist theme will be: attractive women....oh and god told me to do it.





> I like to joke about rape


Listen Ziggomatix, this is not something to make fun of. You are OUT of line. Im confronted DAILY with people who have been the victim of rape. I wonder why the hell people saying these things is allowed on this board?


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2004)

Please. My empathy for those people is very high. I really doubt you've been around this kind of wit before, because the nature of my humor is generally a reflection on how cruel and absurd life is. I joke about disease, rape, murder, disability, because it allows me (and many others) to laugh off these seriously depressing aspects of life. I will tone things down for your sake, I admit i got carried away, but seriously, you're reaction was much more inappropriate than my comments.


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

Zig,

I haven't been raped and don't know anyone personally who has been, but as a woman I have to agree w/Wendy that a good number of your comments in this thread took me aback as well.

As I always say, part of this is due to internet anonymity, and yes, there is freedom of speech which I wholeheartedly subscribe to. However my litmus test is, would you say these things, in person, say at work, at a party, etc.?

It does hurt people to hear these things. Or, I feel at minimum uncomfortable.

Just my 2 cents.

Best,
D


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2004)

Totally agree with Wendy here.
Modoraters please condiser deleting this so called joke.

I realise Zig that you probably didn't think of rape as such an
emotive issue but believe me it is and with good reason.

Also that friend who treated the dog in such a disgusting way...........who needs friends like that?That guy needs a dose of he's own treatment.

Shelly


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

in the oh so slightest defense of ziggo, i think its ok to bring up dialogue on these issues even if its in a sarcastic way. he just made a joke, maybe it wasnt totally pollitically correct, but i dont think it was offensive. its been a year and a half since i was raped. sure i was a victim, and im mad as hell about it, but im not going to let that experience consume the rest of the life i have left. and even though what happened to me was horrible, i still have not lost my empathy. thats something that pighunter icehead couldnt take from me. my compassion even for him. i could regard him as the primordial putrid scum of the earth, and i have many times. ive also planned very elaborately how to exact my revenge. not to go into detail, but abugrab has nothing on me! and the end result would have been splattered hamburger from a nice shotgun blast to his nether regions.

but i have to forgive him. not for his own sake.. but for mine. hes a sick person. thats all. and i cant spend my life being angry and hateful, i have to continue to grow and part of that growth is forgiveness and the willingness to understand. even when there is nothing there to understand.

yes its difficult to understand the mind of a rapist. of course the first thought is,,, why would you want to?? but then again.. why would someone want to understand mental illness?

i think making light of serious situations is not always appropriate, but sometimes its an easy way to create some kind of dialogue. at least, thats what i tried to do with it, maybe no one read my post... but what i was trying to say is that there is no harm in not PLAYING the role of the victim when those situations arise. for instance.. i dont like to talk about my rape experience because its something i want to forget.. but i also am not embarassed by it.. because even though i was victimized, and those scars may never heal.. i can be proud of the thought that i left some pretty nice scars on him that will be there forever, and whenever he looks in the mirror he will remember it. and he will always regret that he let me live. because now he knows he chose the wrong b!tch to mess with, cause i was crazy enough to take a few chunks out of him.. who knows what ill do to him when i see him again. and hell always have that thought in the back of his mind.

point is we dont HAVE to be the VICTIM. we can be just as intimidating and just as powerful and just as dangerous no matter how petite and fragile we look. we CAN stick up for ourselves. men are fragile too. so it pays to be prepared for it. there are kookoos out there just waiting to pounce on a hot available chick, and no ammount of scolding and political correctness is gonna do anything for you if youre not prepared. just saying rape is wrong to someone who has a psychopathic urge to do so is not going to stop them im sorry but that is wishful thinking at its worst. personally i think guys would be alot less likely to act on their urges if women in general would start asserting their female dominance over the weaker male sex.

but again.. thats just my opinion.


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2004)

I'm sure I would make light of the situation if it happened to me too, not to downplay your situation at all sleeping. I'm more than willing to joke about my own insanity, disfunctional family, laziness, etc. and if it weren't for my own humor about these problems, I'd get nowhere.


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2004)

I respect your opinion Sleepy and I'm sorry for what has happened to you.

I consider myself to have a resonable sense of humour and totally agree that we don't have to stay victims of our past experiences.
I'm sorry but rape is one issue I cannot find an ounce of humour in.

I am completely intolerant of sexual and physical abuse toward women of all ages and think it's bloody time we sent out a strong clear message that it's never ever ok.
With drink spiking reaching an all time high(not only happening to women) I feel it's not the time (or the place) to have any light weight attitudes about rape.

best Shelly


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## lone wolf (Aug 10, 2004)

(Trigger warning: talk about violence - don't read if you don't want to.)



sleepingbeauty said:


> personally i think guys would be alot less likely to act on their urges if women in general would start asserting their female dominance over the weaker male sex.


Nice thought, but in violent situations males are usually physically stronger than women - so the female dominance just doesn't work. While I still lived with my verbally and physically violent ex, I learned to fight back also by fists, but in the end I was the one, who was strangled into unconsciousness. :? I am so happy I left the relationship after one year being with him, and didn't stay with him any longer. Even that year was too long a time for me, as it took about three years to heal and learn not to fear violence in quarrel situations with my current boyfriend.


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

violent relationships are a whole different beast, and also should not be tollerated and if your bf or gf is violent with you and doesnt seek treatment, time to say buhbye. cause its not worth it and exacting violence on others is never cool and i hope my run on ranting didnt leave the impression that i think its ok in anyway. one time my ex called me a [email protected], so i jokinly told him f you.. and he punched me dead in the face. i didnt leave him in fact it took 5 more years after that till i did, and there were much worse altercations to come. sometimes i fought back, sometimes i just cowered and cried. but i can see now that it was so stupid to keep it going. i wasted so much time and energy and so much life on him.

i dunno if i need to even clarify what i said.. but ill try. my point was that women dont have to be victims. and just because guys might be physically stronger.. does not mean they are mentally. and when you are in a situation where you have a stranger with a knife to your throat, it pays to be prepared. even a nice shot of pepperspray can show an attacker just who has the upperhand. it always pays to be prepared for anything. survival is the only option. not just that but you have to realize that alot of these guys who do this are creeps that get off on domination and control, and when you play the victim role, you give them the satisfaction they are looking for and thus the control. thats why i challenged ziggos joke. sure i could have said.. "NOW NOW ZIGGO.. :x SHAME SHAME SHAME!!" but i didnt. i didnt need to. ziggo knows rape is dispicable.. and if he doesnt.. than i think its good for him to talk about it. the worst thinG i think we could do is start making him feel bad and shutting him out. its a missed opprotunity to create dialogue that can possibly change alot of lives for the better.

that is what this thread is about. it really brings everything full circle because the first post was about fear of becoming a serial killer. of course no one would just come out in the public and say it. but the fact that we can feel comfortable sharing these thoughts in here is extremely beneficial. we shouldnt fear talking about our fears, because thats the only way we can bring these fears to light and thus to rest. if ziggomatix or anyone else has these thoughts than they should talk about it and they shouldnt be made to feel shame over it.

ESPECIALLY NOT IN HERE.


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2004)

What she said.


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## Guest (Dec 19, 2004)

Wendy said:


> > As far as rape, i'm still debating it. My seriel rapist theme will be: attractive women....oh and god told me to do it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Because it's a "m.ent.al h.e.a.lth" d.is.cu.ss.ion. f.or.um?


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## Guest (Dec 19, 2004)

Shelly said:


> Totally agree with Wendy here.
> Modoraters please condiser deleting this so called joke.
> 
> I realise Zig that you probably didn't think of rape as such an
> ...


  I took "care" (as best I could..) of a girly when I was doing volunteer f.irs.t a.id. She p.res.ent.ed to us, t.oo af.ra.id to r.ing a.n am.bu.lan.ce.

T.h.ere. was 2 .m.al.e fir.st ai.d.ers, an.d then me.. The 2 m.en t.ol.d me I h.ad to do e.ver.ything. until the a.mb.ul.ance. came.. In "real life", th.at chic.k just "wan.ted" (CRAVED) "normal conversat.ion". No d.rama (God forbid), no "crapol.a". T.he o.ther two "experienced" (!) f.irs.t ai.ders did everything BUT and the p.ar.amedic.s were worse.
Th.ey ac.ted like they were "impersonating gladiators" in their over-blown behaviour and speech/reactions. The lady "clammed up" and was trying to b.ack o.ut of ever.ything.

P.eople "arnt" re.ally "true" when the crap hits the fan.. Ziggomatix (in His endless preparation) would be better than YOU, therefore.

In my c.rap opinion.


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## Guest (Dec 19, 2004)

ZiggomatiX said:


> I'm sure I would make light of the situation if it happened to me too, not to downplay your situation at all sleeping. I'm more than willing to joke about my own insanity, disfunctional family, laziness, etc. and if it weren't for my own humor about these problems, I'd get nowhere.


People are insensitive, if thei.r p.rob.lem.s arn't as bad.


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## Guest (Dec 22, 2004)

I always think about killing people like going on a shooting rampage, thats how i always thought i would show people how i feel like inside so dark soo deep and empty watching the world through a glass window, I wanna be known ... i want myself to be known.... i want kids to hear about me as i hear about other serial killers. I often have thoughts of Snipering the President and if i do that i could change the course of history


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## Guest (Dec 22, 2004)

Johnny_Utah said:


> I always think about killing people like going on a shooting rampage, thats how i always thought i would show people how i feel like inside so dark soo deep and empty watching the world through a glass window, I wanna be known ... i want myself to be known.... i want kids to hear about me as i hear about other serial killers. I often have thoughts of Snipering the President and if i do that i could change the course of history


Yeah.. I understood how that shooter, little kip kinkle felt and eric harris.. I understood their "mentality" and emotional state.. now THAT'S weird. I knew the thought process and rage/depression involved... easy. My motivation is way too bad though... and I have no "passions".


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Johnny_Utah said:


> I always think about killing people like going on a shooting rampage, thats how i always thought i would show people how i feel like inside so dark soo deep and empty watching the world through a glass window, I wanna be known ... i want myself to be known.... i want kids to hear about me as i hear about other serial killers. I often have thoughts of Snipering the President and if i do that i could change the course of history


Do you have any motivation to do this besides the thought of seeing yourself on TV?

I hate to sound like a sound bite here, but people who do this kind of thing are repulsive psychopaths who should be hung in town squares. There's nothing deep or enigmatic about them. They're pathetic losers who have decided to confirm what everyone else probably thought about them before, and were obviously right in thinking.

I'm not trying to chastize you for saying what's on your mind, but i just hate how these kinds of monsters are revered and glamorized in some corners of society (i'm not saying that that's what you were doing).

Political assassinations make sense if there is a motivation behind them, but the slaughtering of innocents is just downright monstrous. And then of course, how do you define "innocent"? I always think...irregardless of laws...does the punishment fit the crime...does what this person did merit a death sentence? Will it serve the greater good? These are questions to be pondered when thinking about these kinds of things...not "Are people going to talk about me after i do this?"

Anyway, just my opinion.

s.


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## Guest (Dec 22, 2004)

yea just saying whats on my mind, i wouldn't attempt to kill the president cuz thats basically impossible as for killing a bunch of people i dont think i would do that either, i just fantasize wat it would be like and always have thoughts that i will be like those people on the news. Most of the people here aren't really gonna kill anyone. ... i think lol but who knows :twisted: :twisted:


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2004)

yeh these thoughts suck ass....does ne1 like wake up and they kinda bombard u??? they're pretty much always there but i just ignore them but theyre so hurtful like when they're bout our loved ones etc.....


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

please dont kill the president.

hes the last person that deserves to be a martyr.

if i may make a suggestion.. dog the bounty hunter lives just 10 minutes from me.. and there is no one else on this island that i think has no fricken business here. im so sick of him and his puny 5 ft 4inch son LEELAND walking around with their chests stuck out, leather straps on their arms like they are some kind of red necked village people with foot high mullets. leeland is the worst he is such a little b1tch i went to highschool with him and he was the smelly kid in class he was like the pigpen of the school. his wife is a whole nother story. i kicked her ass in highschool but she still hasnt learned her lesson she walks around town like shes the sh1t cause shes dog chapmans daughter in law. BIG WHOOP. :roll: and then theres dogs wife who is just plain repulsive.

but dog is the head and if you cut off the head the rest will follow. before we cut off the head though i think we should take some clippers to that mullet just to spare the afterlife the horror.

http://www.aetv.com/dogthebountyhunter/


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## Guest (Dec 25, 2004)

lol dog the bountyhounter i watch his shows sometimes, hes in hawaii rite? Wow what a tool.


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## Guest (Dec 25, 2004)

"It's always the quiet ones..."


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## stickdude (Aug 13, 2004)

darkenedroses said:


> yeh these thoughts suck ass....does ne1 like wake up and they kinda bombard u??? they're pretty much always there but i just ignore them but theyre so hurtful like when they're bout our loved ones etc.....


yes, sometimes, and i hate it. i don't like this feeling that makes me think i will be a madman one day (if im not already).

i always have one thing that i am really anxious about. if i'm not thinking about "being schizophrenic", "having split personalities", etc one day, it's thinking heavily about "becoming a crazy serial killer". i'd much rather think about becoming schizophrenic then worry about becoming a serial killer. i hate it. it just gets worse the more i think about it.



Privateer said:


> "It's always the quiet ones..."


ah. that doesn't make me feel any better


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## Guest (Dec 26, 2004)

> ah. that doesn't make me feel any better


To be fair, I'm somewhat quiet, too. But I'm an artist and that's my excuse. I'm shy.


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