# Having a relapse but optimistic



## Rilke (Dec 22, 2006)

Hey guys! It's been so long since I've posted on this site! I've been doing really well with my Dp/dr lately! Almost 100% remission for several months (since July of 2007) but I've had a lot of stress in the past months and it unfortunately has come back. I am dating someone new following a divorce and we recently went on my first ever international trip, from the US to Argentina! The trip was fun but I noticed that my DP started resurfacing episodically everytime we would discuss travelling together, anything to do with the trip, even buying clothes for it triggered my DP. Strange, huh? Anyway, we went, DP was pretty intense while I was there but hey, it was Argentina and it was AMAZING anyway! Since then my dp/dr has been constant with dr (as usual for me) being the worst problem but I am once again starting to have a few good days in amongst the bad and hopefully one day it will be gone altogether again! I am going on nearly 8 weeks of this now and starting to get a little worn out but I am still maintaining a positive outlook. I have been trying EMDR therapy and I think it is helping deal with trauma from my childhood and young adulthood. I am confident my future is bright, as is all of yours. I love everyone on this site so much, especially those who are so optimistic and refuse to be beaten by this!


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## Springbok (Mar 2, 2008)

Sorry to hear about the relapse, but I hope it clears up again soon. I'm planning on going for a long trip this summer, maybe 4 or 5 weeks away, and I'm already worrying about whether it will adversely affect my DP. I'm making slow but steady progress and I'd hate to have a set back. What do you think it was about your trip that caused a relapse?

I know how difficult it is to stay optimistic when it wears you down every day. It's such an important part of recovery, but takes so much effort. Keep up the positive outlook


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## Rilke (Dec 22, 2006)

I think for some just being out of their element can exacerbate the Dp but if you really LOVE to travel it might do the opposite and get your mind off your troubles so I would still take your big trip. Where are you going? Anywhere cool? For me, I think it was less about the travelling than the pressure my boyfriend put on me, or at least I felt was put on me about it. Travelling is very important to him and if he doesn't have a good time on vacation with someone then he really doesn't want to be in a relationship with them. I was convinced if we didn't have fun we were going to break up and than was nerve racking to me, also this is the first time in over eight years I travelled with anyone other than my husband so having a new travelling companion with all its uncertainties added to my overall anxiety about the vacation. I honestly think that triggered the DP far more than the being in a new place. Although I will say, being in a country where you don't speak the language (well) and having DP is not terribly fun even though Argentina as a whole was the most beautiful place. 
Thanks for all your well wishing. This is so frustrating!! Dp has to be the most frustrating thing in the world to deal with and having people on this site that understand is nice! 
Ps- on your trip, sleep well the first few days after you arrive. This will REALLY help you adjust to new time zones. Take your vitamins and don't overdo it on the alcohol, no more than one or two drinks per night. You'll regret it!


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## Springbok (Mar 2, 2008)

I was thinking of visiting Canada, although I don't know what part yet. I'd like to hire a car and drive across a bit of it, maybe not all, just a section. The flight and jet-lag is kinda worrying, and it's far worse coming from the UK. I worry that it'll mess things up for my entire trip. I'm tying not to get scared about it, but I am! And I haven't even booked tickets yet :roll:

But I can't put my life on hold while I recover from DP, because the only way to recover is to get back on with life!! Such a frustrating paradox when you're in the middle of it. You just feel like you can't accomplish anything.

Hang on, gotta get back to positive thinking, I slipped there


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## Rilke (Dec 22, 2006)

Canada is beautiful and I would definitely take the trip. Being in a strange place can be tought at first but you're right, you cannot and should not let DP control your life! Also, one positive aspect is the length of time you will be there. I was in Argentina only 13 days and by the last few I was starting to feel much more normal. I think if I had a few more weeks there I would have improved some more. The most important thing is not to get terribly rushed, take your time and keep your anxiety level low. Try not to schedule too much for the first few days after you arrive, rest and that will help with the jet lag. Also, I took a tiny bity of xanax (.5 mg) for the long flight and it calmed me a lot and helped me sleep on the plane. Your doc might be willing to prescribe a few for your trip. Canada is such an amazing place especially if you love to fish!!


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## Guest (Mar 30, 2008)

Hey Rilke, long time no read 

Sorry to hear about the relapse...........DP is such a pain in the arse, honestly :roll: 
I'm sure you will be out of it soon, you have such a positive outlook............Now, before anyone jumps me for implying you get DP from being negative..DON'T....I didn't mean that.
What an incredibly annoying pressure you must have felt knowing that if you weren't entertaining on holidays you would break up.......wow!! That must have been a huge amount of pressure, any wonder you had a bloody relapse. 
I can relate to what you are saying though, I used to feel that way when I was visiting friends or at a party, I felt that if I wasn't entertaining then these people wouldn't want me around.............I was wrong, it didn't matter what sort of mood I was in they would always make me feel welcome, that was such a weight off. The other weight off was being able to talk without constant censorship, so relaxing. When I think of all the years I spent putting this pressure on myself I cringe. You see I grew up believing that we all had to be perfect, something that is totally unattainable.......But I kept plugging away at it.......trying to be perfect *Shakes head* The one good thing that remains from that futile quest is... I was so intent on being perfect that I pushed myself to the limit on most things and that gave me a very broad understanding, I would try to do things so many different ways trying to find a better way, a more perfect way.......I was an information junkie, but I learnt a lot.
Anyway, I will stop talking about myself now.

I hope you feel like you old self soon Rilke......


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## Rilke (Dec 22, 2006)

Hey Greg,
Great to talk to you again too, sorry it is because of this craziness! Yeah, I think being a perfecionist and terribly hard on ourselves is why a lot of us have minds that decide to check out for a while. DP is strangely paradoxical for me. On one hand it is so terribly disturbing but on the other it is nice to worry only about the dp and leave everything else alone for a while. I sometimes wonder if my mind doesn't just go into this mode to give myself a break from trying to fix everything else.
Hey, it's all a dream anyway so who cares if your boyfriend dumps you because you don't want to go scuba diving, who cares if last years jeans are a wee bit tight, who cares if your mother hates you, it's a protection in a way. I'm just hoping that by making myself stronger in therapy I can learn to deal with these things with a clear and rational mind so I don't feel the need to blank out to cope. How have you been with your DP? You seem to be doing well! I really miss you so write back on the forum on or pm me! 
Ps- I'm glad you have friends that are so accepting and loving to you! What a blessing!


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