# My own personal experience with someone with severe BPD



## *Dreamer* (Feb 18, 2014)

This is an extreme example of BPD.

My mother was a psychiatrist, 1960s/1970s/1980s.

She had a patient, "C" -- a woman who came to her for "mood problems"

My mother saw her for several months when she found out that C was seeing two other psychiatrists in the area. My mother told her she could not see her. The other two doctors also told her this was unethical and dangerous, especially if any medications were being prescribed.

The other two psychiatrists were men (not a lot of women doctors in those days). Well, C became fixated on my mother. She "fell in love with her" but also hated her for not seeing her.

Her reaction to this was:

1. Send love letters to my mother almost every day

2. Send NAKED PHOTOS of herself to my mother in many of these letters

3. Sent a singing Valentine to my mother's office, LOL (I thought that was rather amusing)

4. Because in the old days, we used an answering service that picked up the home phone, C would call multiple times a day driving the answering service crazy. Also, you never knew if YOU might pick up the phone first, and she would be there at the other end of the line.

5. One day C tried to force her way into my mother's office to hug her. My mother had to get a restraining order against her. She could not come within 500 feet of my mother, or she would be arrested. She could not call. She could not come by the house.

Well, that really didn't work as the police would get fed up with that. She parked outside our house. She kept calling. She sent letters/cards/valentines/gifts. She would phone and hang up.

THEN, she went to the hospital where my mother was on staff. She made flyers that stated my mother was an awful doctor and should be fired. As soon as these were taken down, she would put them back up. The hospital had to file some legal action. Fortunately there were security guards at the hospital.

Extreme LOVE, Extreme HATRED and rage.

This behavior began when I was a teenager. It ended when my mother went into a Nursing Home with dementia some 20 years later. She followed me in my car to see what had happened to my mother. I nearly had a stroke I was so terrified.

She also BROKE INTO MY MOTHER'S HOUSE when my mother and I were home. At night around 11pm. What she planned to do we don't know. Police came, tried to chase her down and lost her. We aren't even sure how she got into the house. Changed all the locks, etc.

She also would call and taunt our housekeeper (my nanny really), and follow HER when she would go to the bus stop, or get a ride.

Oddly enough, this woman has a twin sister who does not have BPD. I also keep tabs on where she is as I fear she could come back to bother me. But she lost interest in my mother when she went into her Nursing Home, and in theory any interest in terroizing me.

This woman could not be treated. It may be that had she been diagnosed and treated TODAY she would have had a better outcome. No doubt BPD was not as well-understood as it is today.

This is first hand experience, and it is not unknown to many doctors. Nowadays far better inpatient care makes a huge difference. And C was a very serious case.

Rage, stalking behavior, then excessive love and admiration, disregard for the law, excessive sexual activity (causing danger to one's self -- multiple partners or unrequited desire). I don't know what other symptoms this woman had, but DP/DR that is episodic, cutting behaviors and somewhat psychotic states (not long term), are common.

End of story. I was there. It is true.


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## *Dreamer* (Feb 18, 2014)

Fearless said:


> You are describing a woman, and not BPD.


Well, as I noted in another post.

1. BPD is more common in women and women are more likely to seek psychiatric help or any medical help than men are. Men feel more shame and "tought it out."

2. Men tend to exhibit NPD more frequently. My mother had Borderline tendencies and could also fit into NPD, but did not fit a "perfect diagnosis" and no one will ever know the full story, she died in 2001.

This is a true story. This is a real diagnosis. And after 35 years of working in mental health advocacy and interacting with other people with BPD, not only do I understand the illness better than I ever did I understand certain qualities in my mother -- especially her strange episodes of rage, and somewhat psychotic behavior. Also her lack of friends on any level. Why my father left, etc.

*I also saw I had some very similar qualities. I had a psychanalyst in the 1980s in CA who did not set proper boundaries. I "fell in love with him." His wife worked as a psychiatrist in the same office. I hated seeing her. I was jealous. If I couldn't get ahold of him I would do what C would do, call and call and call and call. Message after message in a tirade. I'm not proud of it. I'm humiliated. But that is a BPD trait. I had to work hard on that with another doctor to control that. I did this with my psychiatrists and with some other people in my life. I felt somehow more "entitled" to "act out" this way with him for some reason.*

Note. *C is a very extreme example -- however C's diagnosis was recognized across the board by other psychiatrists and the hospital where she had been an inpatient (where my mother was on staff)*. At U.of M. Hospital here in Ann Arbor, I took 4 months of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (created by Marsha Linehan, and put into practice in 1990) which was developed specifically for individuals with BPD. I have minor traits:

I idealize people and I see things in black and white. I used to have far more rage, and some mood problems -- I used to overreact inappropriately and make a big deal out of things. This would be a minor version of BPD. No person is the same as another.

Inpatient Borderline Patients would discuss their problems in the group. So would individuals with bipolar, depression, or whatever who had similar symptoms. It is helpful for ALL patients.

If someone with BPD got out of control they would get up and throw a chair across the room because they didn't like what the two MSWs had given us for an assignment. Said individuals (as anyone acting inappropriately) would be escorted out of the sessions -- 2 hours every week for 16 weeks. Someone who is in hospital for BPD can be a threat to themselves or others. And to be honest, I also never came across a man with BPD.

Anyway, through volunteering in day care (in LA and here in Michigan) for those with mental illness, and being a part of a 4 month DBT group, I have run into a lot of people with different illnesses.

Yes, this is a woman. I don't understand why that is a problem? And yes, this woman has BPD. When arraigned sp? in court -- she had to appear with my mother (and each had attorneys sp?) -- the situation was laid out in detail including her diagnosis. A judge approved my mother's request for the restraining order re: her actions and accepted the given diagnosis. My mother explained this to me as I had to call the police myself and understand what was going on. So did our housekeeper and my mother's attorney.

You can't get a restraining order against someone out of the blue. All parties were aware of the entire case. This also took some time to finalize. When my mother went into her Nursing Home, I had to contact the Sheriff Department in that county to inform them and the staff at the Nursing Home what they were dealing with should she show up. And she DID once. (She had followed me). My mother was incompetent to face her in court in the new county, so the records had to be shared with the Sheriff's Department.

This is the drama of my life, ROFL. Good God, when I think about it.

Why would I be making this up?

No debate.

Time for dinner.

*I am curious what you think her diagnosis is?*

*Case study, as given to a medical school resident.  Cheers.*


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## *Dreamer* (Feb 18, 2014)

I came back here to this thread, and am concerned for one reason.

*Now, not only are people diagnosing themselves, they are diagnosing their parents.*

Being knowledgable about one's self is critical to healing. But when I first saw a psychiatrist we first figured that "Dreamer isn't the sick one in the family." We addressed my parents' behaviors, how they hurt me, affected me, and how I reacted. We didn't talk of a diagnosis. I was anxious, DP/DR, and depressed. We wanted to understand why.

So I told him about my life, openly, and about all of my symptoms -- all of them.

I generally reacted in self-destructive ways. However, I do not have BPD. Never once diagnosed with it. To this day.


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## *Dreamer* (Feb 18, 2014)

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml

A serious disorder.

But note, I said, when I had BPD actions, like "acting out" at my psychoanalyst, calling him repeatedly, I was actually projecting my feelings of frustration with my mother onto HIM. (If I go a tad Freudian). I do believe in projection. One also can direct this rage inward -- self loathing, self harm, etc.

I used to scream at my mother to "make her hear me" to "listen to me." It was useless and only made her more furious with me. Like trying to get her love, I wanted her to be a mother to me, to listen to my concerns -- and I was trying to get something I was NEVER going to get. I would do this with boyfriends as well, often trying to get the love I wanted from my father out of them. It was never enough.

Abuse can cause all sorts of symptoms. Many destructive behaviors.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Lol this is the perfect description of bpd!! I could write up many examples from myself before dp haha


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## *Dreamer* (Feb 18, 2014)

http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1393385061&sr=1-1&keywords=understanding+the+borderline+mother+by+christine+ann+lawson

*Understanding The Borderline Mother* by Christine Lawson, 2002 -- unfortunately this darned book is a fortune now! Even in Kindle version. If interested, I'd say go to the library.

This is the excellent book that helped me understand my mother. My husband agrees she fits with "The Witch" ... (there is a spectrum of BPD as with NPD however and different subtypes. Can't say the subtypes in the book are "official" or "clinical" but my mother does not fit a martyr type for example. She was extremely agressive and masculine really. She was the family breadwinner. Very high functioning.

I can't believe I read this when it came out in 2002, but it really struck a chord with me. Goes along with Seig's book recommendation.

Again, no one can figure (and it's been many years) what was really wrong with my mother, but a BPD woman is much like an NPD man, and the qualities can overlap. Interesting is when I told my friends (in later years) about my mother's behavior, they were stunned, then said, "No, that makes sense" especially her paranoia. Also, many parents of my girlfriends did not like them staying over at my mother's house and would rather I sleep over there.

Several parents told this to my friends outright. I never really "got it" until I was an adult, but I always knew there was something very wrong in our crazy little family.


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