# Is this DP?



## humptydumpty25 (Apr 27, 2006)

it happened like a month ago. it was really scary. like all the life got sucked out of me. i felt like my soul and my heart and everything got sucked out of me, leaving me in a strange terrifying silent void. im not human anymore, not even a little bit. i dont feel anything, ever. not even anger or frustration. just like totally detached. i feel like a total zombie. so over a month has passed and i have not experienced any improvement in my condition (none!). 
that is the scariest part. my one relief is when im asleep at night in my dreams. when im dreaming im totally myself, totally alive and real and its awesome. but sadly, i cant stay asleep forever. i have to wake up to this reality of eternal nothingness.

its such a sickness. i dont want to talk anymore because i feel so awkward when i do, im sick of hearing myself speak because i feel like a robot or like im reading a script. i just feel like a big fraud.

can someone please give me some feedback? thanks guys.


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

alright. sounds like yours pretty recent. my advice is going to be short and i hope you wont take some parts of it too personally (since thats not my intention anyways) things obviously get better after a while but you might have to go through a lot worse than the state you are in right now to get there. thus, my advice to you is to try to focus as hard as u can on relaxing. and letting it run its course. keep your calm in every situation it might put you through and when you feel ready enough, you should get back on your feet.

Gabriel


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## Dprsnlized (May 7, 2006)

Hi, i have the same thing. I feel more real in my dreams than i do in real life. It is very scary. I have been going through this for 11 years now. Are you on any kind of medication? What brought this on for you? Mine was from smoking pot one time 11 years ago.


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## humptydumpty25 (Apr 27, 2006)

ive been on all kinds of meds, starting 11 years ago. ive never taken any illegal drugs. i was most recently on seroquel and tegretol, but im now off the seroquel completely (due to a variety of bad side effects).

starting in 1995 at the age of 14 i was put on prozac which i took for 4-5 years. then in 2001 (diagnosed "bipolar" because i was very traumatized by the terrorist attacks) i was put on a multitude of psych drugs, namely Depakote, Paxil, Ativan, Trazadone....and maybe a few others. i became very sick in early 2005 (psychotic) and was put on Risperdal, which began the most horrifying experience of my life. [I read here about people considering this drug , all I can say is please dont!!!!!] Risperdal caused me such terrifying (and of course permanent) brain damage that, over a year later, I have not recovered.

So thanks for asking, yes, my dp if u can call it that has everything to do with all the drugs ive been on in high dosages over a very long time period.


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## Heartbeats (May 23, 2006)

Yes, it's very strange. Sometimes, my dreams are more vivid than the own reality.
Before I felt derealizated I never remembered my dreams. Now I do, and they don't seem so meaningless as before...


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