# new member



## cblatt (Apr 17, 2018)

i want my life back. i’m 15 and am homeschooled as of 2 years ago. the dp episodes started happening a couple months ago. i don’t feel real, i can’t hear (can’t really anyways because i’m half deaf but still), i recognize nothing, it’s so terrifying. i never leave the house either. there was a good week like last month where i was good and i went to places with my mom, it was great, but then another episode hit. i was back to the bed, in the house. the most recent episode was in a car around easter and now i’m terrified to get in a car. i’ve been in a car since then. the first was to go to a doctors appointment that my mom said if i didn’t go to she would call the cops to take me to a mental hospital.  that sucked. the next was last night. or i should say a few hours ago. i had a little anxiety while we were going to get ice cream and had an episode which wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. tomorrow i have to go to school for real, by myself, for 3 hours for school testing. i’ve been crying for a good 2 hours now. i am having so much anxiety about tomorrow. i know i’m going to have an episode AND an anxiety attack before and my moms going to be mean because she sick of how i act and i don’t blame her, how i act and my brain is so shit i feel bad that she has to deal with me on a daily basis. i don’t know what to do anymore. my uncle was murdered 3 years ago and i was very close to him. i was there when my grandparents and mother found out he was dead. my mom called my dad to pick me up and i don’t reallt talk to my dad so he ignored me. my siblings cried with me for hours. i can’t srop thinking about that night. everybody wants to ignore it and blame it on being depressed about the event but i have got to have ptsd. i live such a miserable life of mental illness. it is eating me up inside. i barely know myself anymore. dp made me develop depression to the point where i don’t eat, move, sleep. i can stare at a blank wall for a while and not feel a damn thing but me disassociating. i am so sad. i just want my life back.  i want to live like a 15 year old  i don’t want to be involuntaryily sent some place to stay. i’m scared


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## solus (Mar 20, 2018)

Your mom knows a thing or two about tough love  You should listen to her!

Attack your anxiety, or at least stand your ground. Don't let it back you into a corner. You need a defiant attitude towards it. Your actual strength is beyond what you can imagine at the moment. At the same time, you don't have to overwhelm yourself. Just make sure you're outside or at least pushing against your comfort zone a bit more every day.

Panic attacks are relatively easy to overcome in most cases. Anyone can learn how, by changing the way you think about it, respond to it, how you breathe, etc.

Dp and dissociation are what can happen when you're really emotionally overloaded, like after a bad panic attack. It can feel like hell, but as with panic attacks it can't harm you.

Your brain can be a bit dumb sometimes, but it isn't your enemy if you trust it. With panic attacks and dp, it's helpful to let go and accept the experience, not fight it. It's a bit like learning to float in water and trusting that you won't sink, rather than fearing you're about to drown and thrashing about in panic.

I recommend getting a copy of Hope and Help for Your Nerves for some valuable insight into anxiety and panic.

Sorry to hear about the trauma you went through. That's clearly something you need to work through.

If you're feeling really bad tomorrow, resolve to at least go to school and then come straight back, without the pressure of facing the 3 hours of tests. Maybe when you get there you'll feel a little better and decide to attend.

Walk if that's more comfortable and is practical. The exercise and fresh air from a long walk will help. But if you're afraid of having a panic attack in the middle of nowhere, I guess the car is the best option!

In case you decide to try staying for a while, ask your mom to let the school know you might need to leave in a hurry. 

Don't completely avoid the situation or you're teaching yourself to be even more afraid, and sooner or later you'll have to confront everything. The sooner you do it, the fewer the negative consequences you will have to deal with later!








cblatt said:


> i want my life back. i'm 15 and am homeschooled as of 2 years ago. the dp episodes started happening a couple months ago. i don't feel real, i can't hear (can't really anyways because i'm half deaf but still), i recognize nothing, it's so terrifying. i never leave the house either. there was a good week like last month where i was good and i went to places with my mom, it was great, but then another episode hit. i was back to the bed, in the house. the most recent episode was in a car around easter and now i'm terrified to get in a car. i've been in a car since then. the first was to go to a doctors appointment that my mom said if i didn't go to she would call the cops to take me to a mental hospital.  that sucked. the next was last night. or i should say a few hours ago. i had a little anxiety while we were going to get ice cream and had an episode which wasn't as bad as it could've been. tomorrow i have to go to school for real, by myself, for 3 hours for school testing. i've been crying for a good 2 hours now. i am having so much anxiety about tomorrow. i know i'm going to have an episode AND an anxiety attack before and my moms going to be mean because she sick of how i act and i don't blame her, how i act and my brain is so shit i feel bad that she has to deal with me on a daily basis. i don't know what to do anymore. my uncle was murdered 3 years ago and i was very close to him. i was there when my grandparents and mother found out he was dead. my mom called my dad to pick me up and i don't reallt talk to my dad so he ignored me. my siblings cried with me for hours. i can't srop thinking about that night. everybody wants to ignore it and blame it on being depressed about the event but i have got to have ptsd. i live such a miserable life of mental illness. it is eating me up inside. i barely know myself anymore. dp made me develop depression to the point where i don't eat, move, sleep. i can stare at a blank wall for a while and not feel a damn thing but me disassociating. i am so sad. i just want my life back.  i want to live like a 15 year old  i don't want to be involuntaryily sent some place to stay. i'm scared


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## Katieaw21 (Apr 21, 2018)

I've had dp badly for 3 weeks and low key/ on and off 4-6 weeks ish before that. It got bad at weekends and got bad during the easter holidays. Going back to school was really scary because I thought it would feel awful and highlight how different I felt. But honestly it has helped things ( a little) I'm pretty shy and don't talk to many people, although it can feel horrible talking to people because you feel so isolated and disconnected from them it will improve things because you'll never improve if you don't get out of your mind. I hope things improve for you, that's a really tough thing you've experienced and are experiencing:/


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