# Toxic Shame



## Guest (Sep 24, 2013)

This is a post I found on an anxiety forum: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/the-toxic-shame-thread-the-cause-of-sa-for-most-98335/

It's a topic that's brought up here only rarely, but I feel it has a lot of value. It's a core emotional issue that things like anxiety and depression can very easily sprout from.


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## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

Not everyone with DP has social anxiety though


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## Guest (Sep 24, 2013)

I only found the post on a social anxiety forum; toxic shame impacts people in many negative ways including depression and likely DP as well. I highly recommend you read the whole thing.


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## Andre (Jun 2, 2013)

all people with toxic shame internalized the same belief - it was a bad or dangerous thing for them to be just who they were. And because of this belief, they (or rather, "you") developed defense mechanisms to cope.

This makes lot of sense for me. Dp/Dr would be one of these defense mechanisms we create.


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## Ivan Hawk (Jan 22, 2010)

Wow, what a well thought out contribution to understanding social anxiety.

Although I know social anxiety isn't the root cause for everyone with DP/DR, the condition plays a significant role for a majority of those suffering from DP/DR.

The "fear" behind social anxiety that causes someone to go into hiding is a complex form of fear that isn't entirely caused by others and the outside world. Much of this fear is of the self and even quite mysterious with anomalous causality. The real paradox is both wanting and not wanting to be with people, often specific people. Perhaps this is a cause of not ruling out the true matter of whether you really should be with certain people and make the decisions.

--then again, a lot of the anxiety I've experienced feels more automatic like learned behaviour, regardless of fear or joy or any emotion... just happens sometimes as more of a lack of control.

Essentially it is finding more security in your ability to control social anxiety back down to a normal level of survival anxiety that helps you. The control is gained from greater experience and understanding of how and what things cause your anxieties along with developing greater abilities to be mindful and at peace with yourself without outside substances or materials. Thus, the "fear" that is both "caused by" and "causing more" anxiety is a case of ignorant void in highly necessary understanding that is fulfilled with greater experience and knowledge of the condition and yourself.... eventually thousands of hours in you intellectual prosperity in this matter that eventually produce wisdom. Strengthen these two voids and you naturally can strengthen your connection with the outside stimulus. Reassess, reinforce, and perhaps even rediscover your own "true" security on the inside...in your aspirations/talents/purpose... then go out adventuring and living greater in the world outside.

Regardless of social anxiety, I can see "toxic shame" as a concept that is not entirely limited to anxiety when it comes to the root causes of DP/DR. Does it feel and seem logical to say my own toxic shames came from my early childhood with parents and peers? yes, but I now understand much of that toxicity came from their vast misunderstanding of my true self and personality. I have a personality type so rare that most of my kind utimately fend for themselves until their days of ultimate reasoning of true indentity to understand who we really are. It's a more rare variation of introversion that the world simply doesn't have enough of to spread truth about as common knowledge. So, as anything goes, that which the majority doesn't understand is often given false "quick interpretations" like "oh, they're just...<enter false interpretation that lacks critical thought and curiosity>." Great examples of these false interpretations are the quick assumptions with the use of umbrella terms like "depressed" - "shy" - "stupid" - "anxious" - and "*weird (which is by far, one of the laziest terms to escape having to think critically*). [more notes on this below]" Take the process of "learning your true self" as serious as possible...everyday... and embrace your true purpose with everything you've got. The toxic shame is not really you, it is an illusion crafted by false ideas of who you are. No one is actually "born" a destined failure, some only perceive this 100% completely false illusion that continues to plague only those you do not truly realize they will always have potential to be who they really are.

[more notes on *weird*]

Different cultures are incredibly weird to each other... when they lack curiosity of each other. The same for parents and their children, the same for dating between any two people, the same for potential friends, the same for ANY two people. "I do not understand, therefore it must be blindly related to something I do know....as a wild guess... instead of taking more effort to just learn more about it" Sometimes it's alright to not learn about everything, or to joke about strange things, but to seriously put off "most" things as strange if they don't abide to your own sense of what you already know is like giving up on a ridiculous amount of greater opportunity.


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## Guest (Sep 24, 2013)

Selig said:


> Currently watching a program that covers this as well.


Could you give me a name?


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## Guest (Sep 24, 2013)

hmmmmmmmm, I watched this program once through, and I've been meaning to do so again. Either way, I don't remember him mentioning toxic shame specifically, though; I do recall he goes over quite a few similar and highly related topics.


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## Guest (Sep 24, 2013)

I feel like I should find an article that doesn't focus so heavily on anxiety because that seems to be distracting people a little.

One of the key points is the rejection of our true identity because we see it as something heavily flawed that needs to be hidden away. This can affect us in a variety ways, like making it impossible to be happy with out achievements, causing mild depression or making us unresponsive or self-sabotaging in our relationships because we can't see ourselves as someone worthy of affection or friendship.

This is a core issue, and many other problems can spring from it, it's about far more than anxiety.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I already brought this up it the root to DP


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