# Maybe this will help...



## pfpc (Aug 22, 2004)

I haven't posted for a while mainly because I just found myself adapting to the dp. My lowest point was about 2.5 years ago. I was completely brain dead. Had no affect. Blank head. Couldn't hold an intelligent conversation. Huge amounts of social anxiety, etc, etc (you've heard it all before I'm sure). A lot of my dp was aggravated by meds. Well over the last two years, things have been changing gradually. I was getting my mind back. Last summer I would venture to say that I had all my intellectual faculties back and a little emotional response too. Three months ago, I realised something about myself that I found, at least to me, to be quite profound. I felt somehow totally liberated and walked around all week with a big grin on my face. Then one afternoon I went for a walk in town and my dr dropped precipitously. This lasted maybe three hours. I panicked of course, not wanting it to go away, but it did. Then the next day I started to feel a little dizzy and very tired and I noticed that I was feeling very differently about myself...almost like a personality shift. Then the bottom dropped out of my skull. For the next four weeks I experienced massive changes in my dp...mostly swinging between mild hyper-reality and super high hyper-reality. In short, I felt present to the extreme. Food tasted amazing. People looked extremely real, etc. Accompanying this was a tingling sensation which started in my feet, went to my hands and then to my whole body. One evening I was lying in bed and the tingling got so intense that I started to have electric current sensation running up my spine and into the base of my head. It was intense and I actually found myself liking it, as if it were an acknowledgment that my brain was waking up again. I was still having this weird personality shift that I didn't understand until one day about a month ago I woke up and realised that I was back to the person that I was six years ago. It was existentially the weirdest experience I ever had (beating even the crappy dream state). I'm still not sure what happened. I try not to question it too much.

Well the last month has been rocky. I'm not completely out of the woods and I still have setbacks every few days, but I don't feel limited by the dp anymore. I'll keep updating this every few weeks if anyone is interested.

Cheers


----------



## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

I can relate to some of that. Waking up and feeling like a different person. I've felt like there's several parts of me before and sometimes im one part while other times im a different part. It's been extreme too, almost as though I felt like a different person.


----------



## shaolinbomber (Mar 28, 2009)

Conjurus said:


> I can relate to some of that. Waking up and feeling like a different person. I've felt like there's several parts of me before and sometimes im one part while other times im a different part. It's been extreme too, almost as though I felt like a different person.


wouldn't that be considered Split personality disorder?


----------



## johannes (Apr 10, 2009)

great reading, did it start to get better when you accepted it? i don't mind it that much anylonger and i have been having headaches all week. feel free to type some more, always interesting and comforting to hear recoverystories


----------



## pfpc (Aug 22, 2004)

Update: I'm swinging all over the place. One day good. One day bad, etc. Includes basically every symptom know to man. I'm off 20 mg Lexapro + 2.5 mg Abilify (they helped me a great deal in the past). I feel very lucid and mentally very strong (contradiction?), however. I've started to exercise regularly and I push myself despite at times feeling quite bad....


----------



## pfpc (Aug 22, 2004)

Johannes...sorry. I forgot to reply. It started getting better when I became cognizant of why it was there.


----------



## DownTheRabbitHole (May 30, 2009)

ive experienced the getting the younger mind frame(personality) back, from when i was about 17ish ( 22 now)
its like when i think of myself in my head, it always seems to first picture the way i looked 5 years ago, rather than the way i look at present.

its wierd and hard to explain


----------



## pfpc (Aug 22, 2004)

Hey Neo,

Yeah...it takes some getting used to. I don't like to think about it too much. I got this thing much later than most here (at 34) and at the time I had a relatively decent life...I mean I had the issues that precipitated the dp, but they were fairly manageable. I have lived a good deal of the last six years as a different person. I don't know at which point I had changed. Perhaps it was the initial trauma. Perhaps it was the repeated traumas brought on by the insidious drug cocktails that were dangled in front of me by the usual suspects (medical "professionals"). Anyway, no point looking back and no point looking for empathy.

P.


----------

