# existential anxiety - how do you deal with it?



## sherlock

I've been having some severe existential anxiety for the past few days... the strongest and most frightful yet, I'd say. It's like you've been in a safe, normal and natural place and suddenly everything feels alien. Almost like you've been dropped down to another planet, and you're so confused and scared and the things that to you seemed natural and normal now scares the shit out of you.

And of course, the endless questioning: "Why are we here?".

How do *you* ease and deal with your existential anxiety? I'll appreciate every answer, more than you'd know.


----------



## sherlock

Actually hearing that other people have gone through this same thing eases my anxiety.. so first, thanks for that!

Distraction definitely helps, but it has to be something that really seizes my attention. Otherwise, if I'm watching something on TV that's uninteresting or slow, it can actually have the opposite effect and trigger thoughts. Reading is great!

What meds are/were you on? I've visited a psychiatrist once and he gave 6 atarax pills (they usually just makes you tired), if the anxiety gets unbearable. Haven't taken one yet because I'm afraid they'll worsen my symptoms. He said that my symptoms are based on anxiety and that he wanted me to start going on anti depressants, but I turned that down.

Definitely working on my sleeping pattern - I've been falling asleep around 6am and waking up around 2pm in the last weeks. not good.



Bozza said:


> I've been there Sherlock.
> 
> So what I did about the existential anxiety? I will give you a straight answer: Realizing existential thoughts are simply bullshit


Easier said than done  but I'm certainly working on it and trying to convince myself that they're just bullshit.

The bullshittiest of all bullshit there is, in fact. ugh!


----------



## sherlock

I definitely can't function normally... far from it. but aren't you afraid of addiction? that's what I'm most worried about when it comes to medication. not dealing with the root of your problems, and once you get off the meds everything is bad again.

have you tried CBT or such? I'm thinking about trying it out.


----------



## falcontk

Another fellow Canadian!

I've just started medication, but I'm going to ask them to start me on CBT as well. A mixture of both is the only sustainable way to fight this off and make sure it doesn't come back.

I guess we have to find a way to deal with the doubts and just accept what is and how it should be.


----------



## Idris

first of all, I really like this thread. As in, I know exactly how you're feeling sherlock, since that is basically what my DR/DP is, things feeling completely alien, and on top of it, existential thoughts that induce panic attacks.

Most of my thoughts are basically, "why am I here? where am I? how do I know what's real?"

I do what others have already mentioned, I zone out in something, mostly video games. Or watch a movie/TV. It seems to be the only way I can deal with it is to distract myself. Another thing I find helps a lot is "grounding" myself with something that I know very well and love (like my cat or talking to a family member). So those are my suggestions.

I have clonazepam and I find it worsens my symptoms if I feel that way. and I am way too scared of addiction. CBT helps, a lot. I see a therapist weekly (yay Canadian health coverage!) and therapy is probably the most effective for me.

Anyway, like you said, hearing how other people feel the same way helps me a lot too, to know I'm not the only one and I am not going crazy.


----------



## Neko

If you use Klonopin only as needed in serious situations, you shouldn't run a high risk of being dependent. I only use mine in cases of severe panic/unnavigable anxiety and occasionally for sleep usage if I've been tossing and turning for hours because of anxious or obsessive thoughts. I am very cautious to only use it in these situations and not for anything minor and it has helped me a lot when I can't immediately function or need sleep badly.

I struggle with the existential nature of this disease a lot as well; it's definitely one of the worst symptoms for me, especially because I've always suffered from thinking myself into exhaustion; brains overactive to a fault run in my family. As my late grandmother used to say, the wheels are spinning on full speed and they won't slow down. The constant attempts by my mind to process ideas and intangible concepts that can never really have an answer is very distressing. The rational part of me knows it's nonsense to try and solve these problems but it can't stop bringing it up anyways, and drags me into anxiety over and over again.

I agree that distraction seems to be the best way to combat the constant rumination; if I'm focused on something else and really involved in it I don't get bogged down in existential thoughts so much or so easily. I wish there was a way I could just completely drop or forget them forever...I'd sign up for that immediately!


----------



## sherlock

Idris said:


> If you use Klonopin only as needed in serious situations, you shouldn't run a high risk of being dependent. I only use mine in cases of severe panic/unnavigable anxiety and occasionally for sleep usage if I've been tossing and turning for hours because of anxious or obsessive thoughts. I am very cautious to only use it in these situations and not for anything minor and it has helped me a lot when I can't immediately function or need sleep badly.


how do they work? do they make you tired? slow down your obsessive thinking? make you feel stupid and slow?

sry, I'm a medication newbie.


----------



## falcontk

This is the cause of my DP/DR. I went to a psychiatrist, and she diagnosed me with mild OCD--which makes sense, because all my life I've obsessed over things (good or bad), with constant compulsions to ease the obsessions. I've been prescribed Sertraline. Hopefully, that helps!

Distraction does help, but it's definitely temporary. I distract myself by watching TV and coming to these forums (maybe coming here isn't such a good thing lol). I hate being those people that are pushy, but I think we need to find the cause of this phase and try to fix it, before it becomes too late. For example, I was talking to my friend yesterday, and she felt unreal (there were moments where things felt real), which made me sad. It shouldn't be like that. I shouldn't move through my days feeling unreal and plastic-like. I shouldn't move through my days with shitty memory.

Hopefully, we can all find a way to move past this, despite us feeling alien to this (even feeling alien coming to these forums).


----------



## peanut butter

Cause of dp for me as well. Does anyone else get thoughts like, what if nothing is real, what if you're the only one real or what if you only exists?
Those thoughts scare me even if I don't believe them. Still, can't prove nor disprove.
Some links you might find useful
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism_syndrome
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purely_Obsessional_OCD
http://robertlindsay.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/various-subtypes-of-pure-o-ocd/

Of course these all are related to dp/dr.

Is this curable/treatable? I sure hell don't know but god help us all if it isn't. At least for me it has gotten less severe, but wouldn't count on that since it might come back.


----------



## peanut butter

Fearless said:


> you can't. simple as that. it's OCD behaviour, you just don't wash your hands but torture yourself with scary and irrational questions you don't even care about really.
> 
> you're having a problem you can't solve / scared to face, and you compensate by trying to solve the unsolvable.
> 
> if God would appear in front of you and tell you that you don't have to worry about existence or death, you'd still do it because it's not the real problem.


So did I get you right; You can't ease your Existential OCD?
What kind of sorcery is that?


----------



## gasspanicc

my existential thoughts have now gone expanded to simple things like am i making the decision, or am i, and how does the self make a decision, or how does the brain make a decision? LOL its left me mentally paralyzed thinking about thinking, oh the ironicism.


----------



## katiej

guys this is me all over..... i believe fearless is right... but it is mind fooking... it fools u, it really does... why is anything anything! why does anything exist... i know these thoughts are a distraction. yet they still scare me... because i think about one thought.,. and i panic. how do i find the real problem.. when i am dissociated from it.


----------



## katiej

I just wonder why it is these particular questions that are so important ... Why my brain finds it easier to question my reality and life instead of dealing with unresolved feelings ... It's confusing and makes me feel like my mind is going against me


----------



## daydreambeliever

sherlock said:


> those are basically my thoughts too. like, 24/7.
> 
> repeating to myself that "you're not going crazy, it's just like your mind is on crack and it's sending you false information" definitely helps for me.
> 
> how do they work? do they make you tired? slow down your obsessive thinking? make you feel stupid and slow?
> 
> sry, I'm a medication newbie.


I take xanax and ativan. Xanax is 4 hours and immediate. I don't feel like I need something slow acting most of the time. I have a hangover period for up to 4 hours too. Yes it makes me slow, down, dirty, tired and bored. It can cause depression too so be careful. But I do use it up to 3 times a week, very carefully. I take 1 mg xanax or 1/2 ativan. Ativan is longer acting I think. I take it sometimes if the day is too difficult. I mainly use xanax when I have had too many restless nights. I am a poor sleeper. It adds to the condition. Sucks totally.


----------



## daydreambeliever

katiej said:


> I just wonder why it is these particular questions that are so important ... Why my brain finds it easier to question my reality and life instead of dealing with unresolved feelings ... It's confusing and makes me feel like my mind is going against me


Totally relate. It makes me so angry. Life is so difficult.


----------



## katiej

so when i feel scared with the anxiety,, it may not be fear of life.. just fear of my feelings,? why do i fear them tho.. id much prefer to feel sad then terrified.


----------



## katiej

also fearless... i dont get the tunnel vision thing anymore.... life looks real... im just scared of it. and me in it.... i never questioned how i got here until anxiety... yet thats still dissociation even tho i dont physically feel shut off from my surroundings.. i just cannot comprehend why the hell this is all here and im here.. scares the shit outta me .


----------



## katiej

okay so its me... but its my subconcious... i dont know how to control it though.... i am not doing it purposely.... yes i am afraid of negative feelings.. but at this moment i would prefer them then existential hell


----------



## katiej

i keep coming bak with a response because i am still unsure what to do.. and ur right.. i do not believe reality will feel safe again... i feel i have looked to deep and cannot go bak.. i am terrified. plus i did his ten hour programme before.. and it did nothing... are u suggesting i do this... or just identify why i ended up this way.. i have identified.. but its not like that will instantly repersonalize me... i do not know where to go from here.. im sorry to be a pain.. but u jsut keep telling me to read... i have read.. i realise that these are illusions.. it is very very hard to see that because they make so much sense... especially when people say to me... '''everyone asks those life quesionts'' its not the same thing as that.. its alot more complex than that... please be clearer on what u want me to do.... id like ur help/ but at lease give me a starting point for what to do now?


----------



## katiej

okay then. ?


----------



## katiej

maybe u are explaining it to complex for me... maybe i just do not understand u correctly.... u are out of this.. but if u remember being in it u will remember the distress. and the way it fools u.. so be patient with the fact that i cnanot grasp exatly what you mean.... by studying the materials.. and understand it all.. iw ill not repersonalize immediately and that wil not release all my pent up emotion. i do not know how to do these things.


----------



## katiej

yes u are right... i believe that will take time... for me to fully understand it all... I just dont know how the understanding (although it may prevent furture dissociation and running away from my problems) can pull me out of this current state of existential thoughts.... i can say to myself '' i think these things as a cover up for something else'' but yet i do not know what that somethings is.... i can ignore the thoughts to cope... but i feel like crying everywhere i do.... maybe i should let myself cry... let myself feel like shit... instead of going into existential thoughts as a coping mechanism.... 
can i ask did u have all the existential stuff. and the not wanting to be here? after u understood all of this... how long and what process did it take for u to recovery. did the thoguhts slowly fade to the bckground. ? 
guess when i was repeating myself in the past. i had a huge fear that maybe there is no hope for me.. because of the particular fears i am feeling. i feel maybe im different.


----------



## peanut butter

So Fearless have you particularly had existential thoughts?
If so, what kind of?


----------



## katiej

they are phantom fears yes... but they are things i have never thought about before therefore they scare me.... i will stop focusing on my symptoms.... if i am correct.. u say that i do this. .... i feel scared, (because of repressed feelings) and i need to project it onto something to make sense of the feelings.. so i choose the unsolvable because my feelings feel confusing to me. yes? so should i focus more on the feelings.. as opposed to the thoughts that i get along with these feelings..... if i ignore the symptoms i.e existential thoughts. and focus on the feelings. i.e sadness/hurt and release these feelings... life over time will return to normal... and yes i will study that site .


----------



## katiej

Can ur sense of self return . It feels long gone


----------



## peanut butter

Fearless said:


> in one word: THE WORST. I was torturing myself with the worst fucking kind of existential fucking bullshit.
> 
> Mine was this: I read Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now a year before DP, and when I got DP, my worst fear was that I was enlightened, and that "I" don't exist, that my "ego" is lost, that everybody and me too are just biological robots, and nobody is a soul. It was a fucking nightmare.
> 
> But it was because, when you experience DP, and have these strange feelings, you go to your baggage of knowledge, and try to find "rational" explanations. What most fitted my feelings was Eckhart Tolle.
> 
> You have no idea how much I suffered from the thought that I am the only one conscious living in the universe, and I'm alone, and everybody is a projection of me so I don't feel alone, but from reading Tolle I "broke" my illusion. That was the stupid fucking thought I was spending my precious time on.


That's sad but it's good to know I am not the only one with those kind of thoughts. What I think might cause anxiety is that when you think things as "What if other people are robots" you begin immidiately to question that thought, as in "why would I think something like that" or "Am I becoming crazy because I think like that" or "Most of people in dpselfhelp don't think that, am I in psychosis" etc. . So kind of Pure OCD in a form of. But from what I know this is no psychosis, bipolar or schizofrenia.


----------



## katiej

No it's not at all . I do not think it is something else . I'm just frustrated with myself to get out of it . I know my mind and self need to feel safe in order to be grounded in reality again . But they don't . And Ita hard to make myself feel safe when these symptoms upset me deeply . Which in turn make myself carry on protecting myself .. I.e prolonging the defense mechanism


----------



## Midnight

Fearless said:


> katiej, your giving me a hard time. I shared all of the knowledge and materials that combined with my hard work led me out of the deep pit of dp, but you always find an excuse.
> 
> dont be offended but I dont believe you actually studied those materials. existential fears are at most level 2 of the least 5 levels.


Your a fucking weirdo, you know that?

She isn't 'giving you a hard time' she is just trying to get you to get to the point of exactly what your talking about instead of saying 'you need to understand' or 'you underestimate the work it takes to understand this' or other vague statements.

Why don't you save yourself all the hassle of dodging questions constantly and just type 1 main thread in the general forum with exactly what you *did* to get better, then you will never have to post here ever again. All you would have to do would be to sum up, in bullet point form, *EXACTLY* what people need to 'understand' then they wouldn't ask you questions.

You come across as overly hostile which is ironic given as you have said you don't deal with DP anymore.


----------



## katiej

I agree midnight . thank you .. Thought maybe I was just being blonde r something . Even tho I would consider myself highly intelligent .. I think if I was fully better I would have patience for someone who was hurting the way I was .


----------



## peanut butter

I'm for one am really happy to see an existential DPer who got out of DP here for most people who recover stop visiting this forum.


----------



## katiej

Yes me too . Getting angry at me doesn't help tho


----------



## Midnight

talk about defensive lol


----------



## peanut butter

Jesus Christ, am I going to have to read all those horror stories of people who had DP for life and have tried everything now?
Man, internet sucks.


----------



## katiej

As he said . He has already told u all there is to know .


----------



## Dan33d

Hay again Sherlock don't worry you ain't alone always here for you and I have experienced everything you have written about do things that make you happy and cheer you up that's my main thing to getting back on track things that are fun today I have achieved going out for a day out to see my uncle and he wants help building a little mg which I'm looking forward to set targets and write lists of things you want to do!

Dan


----------



## Fernoso716

Hey fearless what did u say u read? To stop the thoughts. Because I have the same stupid ass thoughts ...the real deep existential thoughts...the ones u get when u read up on the "self".


----------



## katiej

hey what kinda thoughts do you get?..i have them soo bad pal... like deeper than deep... i wonder why the hell i am even here with a brain and feelings... why i was born into this family and not another... why i was born at all


----------



## sherlock

katiej said:


> hey what kinda thoughts do you get?..i have them soo bad pal... like deeper than deep... i wonder why the hell i am even here with a brain and feelings... why i was born into this family and not another... why i was born at all


I think those are pretty normal to have. at least for me... I've had deeper shit than that (don't want to mention what, in case I'd feed you and trigger you with those thoughts)...


----------



## katiej

normal for dp.. or normal people ? haha.


----------



## Fernoso716

Its funnt we all question the world. Our existence yet we always say "I wonder" or "I think" im going crazy. But we acknowledge ourself constantly then discredit our self at the same time...I just found it weird lol


----------



## gasspanicc

I WANT TO HEAR ALL OF YOUR FUCKED UP THOUGHTS! ill start: caught in between who's making the choice, you or brain and when and how your supposed to make the choice.


----------



## GroupHug

It's ok to question the world and your existence, and to analyze it...but obsessing over these questions and letting what you can't control control you is just tiring. I got bored if it, mostly. Once you come to conclusions or at least some peace of mind by exhausting over a question, let it go. Move onto more interesting things.

I'm going to question if I'm really capable of free will, but I'm also going to at least enjoy the wondrous illusion before me. To do otherwise would be wasteful.

Accept your fate, grow some balls.


----------



## katiej

I just feel like I dunno what to do hear . I am outside of life and cannot believe I am anywhere at all . I'm
Petrified of my very being and feel I can't accept the uncertainty of life . I dunno how I got here to this moment .


----------



## gasspanicc

free will is a term that is 100% irrelevant. the brain is the seat-holder of your consciousness/psyche it calculates the best decisions for you based on circumstances. theres no need for a conscious agent to dictate such events and in terms of having free will i think its a silly question all together. the brain makes the decision, period but that doesnt mean your not free as your consciousness is embedded in the brain and thus is a single conscious entity.


----------



## peanut butter

I believe existential anxiety is one of the highest forms there are.


----------



## katiej

mine didnt start with existential stuff. i was anxious and after months it led to that,


----------



## peanut butter

Bump


----------



## katiej

bump?


----------



## Midnight

When you guys talk about existential anxiety what are you actually referring to? What kind of thoughts are you talking about, cos I don't think I have ever experienced this.


----------



## sherlock

basically thinking about how big space is, different dimensions, planets, life on other planets, how small we are, what the hell we are, why we're here, why we look like we do etc. I could go on all day long.

it's like you're seeing earth through a space-perspective and it makes you feel tiny and that nothing really matters.

I used to be able to think about these thoughts without being scared to death and without getting tons of anxiety but now I can't. I think it's because I've lost my faith in god and afterlife (but deep down inside I know I believe).


----------



## Fernoso716

Sherlock.....the devil is alive in that last sentence....ratheer right or wrong..if u believe...ur living for something. ..keep faith...I have all these existential questions ....then I pick up my bible ...and read...I feel better


----------



## Midnight

sherlock said:


> basically thinking about how big space is, different dimensions, planets, life on other planets, how small we are, what the hell we are, why we're here, why we look like we do etc. I could go on all day long.
> 
> it's like you're seeing earth through a space-perspective and it makes you feel tiny and that nothing really matters.
> 
> I used to be able to think about these thoughts without being scared to death and without getting tons of anxiety but now I can't. I think it's because I've lost my faith in god and afterlife (but deep down inside I know I believe).


But you realise they are all just thoughts right? They have no power of their own unless you give it to them. Force your awareness away from them and stop giving them so much credence.


----------



## Fernoso716

I be trying that only to fear that imma forget who I am..by ignoring


----------



## peanut butter

Think about it; you have a thought that what if everything is a dream. 
Your first goal would be distraction. You start to play a video game and end up asking, "what's the point of playing this if there's a possibility that this is a dream" and so on. It affects your distractions therefore it's much worse than any other.


----------



## RichUK

Hey this is a really good topic and glad you brought it up.
I suffered from DR before but managed to get over it and one of the biggest issues was the existential thoughts it created, they just made me more anxious which made my DR worse so made more existential thoughts. Last time as well as taking Citalapram which is an SSRI I just had to carry on to get rid of it.
I allowed myself to think the stuff even though it was unpleasant but didn't get stressed that I was thinking about it. So the thoughts bothered me but I stopped stressing that they were popping into my head, if that makes sense. So I accepted that my head was not good and stuff like this would pop into it. I think accepting the thoughts even though they are unpleasant takes away some of the power. I used to picture a galaxy in my mind and think shit we are on a tiny little ball in the middle of this so small and nothing to the grand scale of space. Now before I had DR these thoughts would be wierd but would not scare me, infact would be quite amazing to be onist.
Im not really sure why they scare me so much when I have DR but it must be something to do with me feeling detched from everyone else.
At the beginning of October I started with DR and Anxiety again, then bang 3 weeks in existensial thoughts appeared again, even though I know I got over them before they still cause the same feelings of dread and been stuck like this forever. Im back on Citalapram but also taking Pregablin to try and calm the anxiety down.
I feel like I should be dealing with the thoughts or doing something to stop them but know deep down this will have no effect. I just need to accept them and carry on.

The two things I have been doing to try and get over this are:

1 Distraction
Try and do things you really enjoy doing, dont just force yourself to do any randon thing to try and distract yourself you'll just end up making yourself worse.
There must have been stuff you enjoyed doing before DR so continue to do it, it will be hard at first but the fact you are not letting DR stop you removes its power which inturn reduces anxiety which reduces DR

2 Exposure
Those existensial thoughts that are making you anxious try and see how anxious they really can get you. Normally you might think them get anxious and immediatly try and stop thinking about them, but what happens if you dont do that and continue think, will the anxiety get so bad that your head falls off? No not all all infact when you practice this you find the anxiety builds up to a certain point and cant get any higher, then after been at this level for a while your brain must relise that nothing has happend so the anxiety begins to reduce on its own. This is really hard to do at first but it does actually work and the more you do it the better it gets

Hope this helps and I know how hard it is to get through this after all I have had this before and got over it but still am finding it hard this time round.

Rich


----------



## peanut butter

RichUK have you had CBT?
Because meds will never be the final cure.

Also, may be a bit unrelated but has anyone gotten into Buddhism?
I'd see it as a reliefer and it's much more rational and believable than other religions.


----------



## peanut butter

How did it almost make you insane? Do explain.


----------



## sherlock

thank you guys for all your answers. I appreciate them so much and I suck up all your advice like a sponge...

the awful thing about my dp/dr is that... now that the existential anxiety is less extreme and more bearable, I've started having trouble recognizing myself in the mirror and started feeling more detached from my body/myself again. It's like it ALWAYS has to be something. started getting over your existential crisis? on to the next symptoms! it just makes you exhausted.


----------



## RichUK

Yes I have had CBT and am going through it at the moment on my 5th session of about 10. Drugs dont cure the problem no but they help take the edge off the anxiety so you can deal with stuff a little easier. Citalapram used to work wonders for my DR but doesn't really anymore which is why Im trying Pregablin as wouldnt touch Benzo's with barge pole. Another thing that im look to try is mindfulness meditation which I've have heard positive reviews about.


----------



## Hosscat

Whats helped me is to 'baby' my brain. I was fighting my thoughts(about reality), but when someone told me these types of thoughts exhaust your mind it somehow clicked, when I get that thought instead of lamenting and fighting it I just say "It's ok to think that if you want to, it wont change anything" Only been doing this about three days but it seems to be working somewhat. The thought seems less 'believable', and I notice I might go a short while without it. Hopefully as the mind gets some rest it will no longer see these thoughts as a relevant problem.


----------



## Dh88

Fearless said:


> You have no idea how much I suffered from the
> thought that I am the only one conscious
> living in the universe, and I'm alone, and everybody is a projection of me so I don't feel alone


I experience very similar thoughts to this. It's not as bad as it once was and I'm trying to focus on what my real problems are. I'm coming along slowly but I just wanted to ask you fearless, after you understood and resolved what was your real problems were / are, do these solipsistic type thought just disappear? Do you just become confident that they are ridiculous and untrue?


----------



## missjess

Hahahahahah "biological robots"


----------



## edgapena

Hello sherlock, this is Edgar. I was reading through some posts and I came across yours. I was trying to find a post about existential anxiety and how to cope with it. I saw your post date and it seems to be from a couple of years ago. I am really hoping you still visit this forum so you can read this and give me some advice, please. I need help, everything you said I can relate. My existential amxieylty is bad and yes everything that once seem normal and natural now seems alien like. Even myself or humansb because I am constantly questioning existence. Any help?


----------

