# DP - The Disorder That Isn't



## _Adorn (Aug 24, 2014)

Let me start by saying I am Hannah. I am a south Florida born and raised resident. I am here to introduce myself, share my story, and possibly give some sort of help to people on here struggling. This may be a little long but I request for you to please read it! 

-short legal: no information should be taken as medical advice, diagnosis, and information given is taken and practiced at ones own risk-

My DP story:

I am currently a psychology major / neuroscience minor (just the start of the irony) and have heard of depersonalization/derealization before in lectures but I haven't actually had in classes or any sort of study on the topic. So once I got the DP (Narcotic withdrawal with an anxiety attack from cannabis) I started getting into it and researching it more. I had to do it on my own as many other people do it because if I were to go and talk with psychologists, psychiatrists, and professors I would never make it any further in the field.

Day one after the anxiety attack on cannabis: I feel extremely tired, everything's being spaced out from me slowly, my room-mate is saying hello to me and her voice is echoing, and I feel completely lost with a little hint of fear. I know I am no longer high because this isn't how I felt, so I instantly jump to the conclusion I have DP. The days following I would not be able to stop thinking of the DP, have a few brief anxiety attacks, and wouldn't be able to sit in lectures or stop staring at people since they looked so weird to me. What just happened to me?

Time to change something:

It wasn't till about five days after I fell into what I would call 'a deep state' of DP I would start actually researching into it (going to morning lectures helped the laziness of DP ware off). DP such as other unheard of conditions is little researched, understood, and most commonly misdiagnosed. Not to mention the plenty of theories that go along with it. That's the reason why it's classified as DD-NOS (dissociative disorder not otherwise specified - meaning there's no known reason for it due to lack of research) in the ICD-10 and DP wasn't even mentioned in the ICD until the ninth edition (around 1980's).

Researching DP is pretty confusing as no one has actually done much research into it. All I tended to run into online was these scam sites, some sites saying benzos help DP, then websites saying benzos are bad, then websites saying serotonin boosters is bad for DP, then serotonin boosters are good. When I read about serotonin, it stopped me right in my tracks. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter commonly found in animals but humans do have it. Serotonin is believed to be one of the things that controls our mood in the brain. Low or too high of serotonin levels can cause something called Serotonin Syndrome. Serotonin Syndrome is where one chemical attacks the other in the brain (i.e. THC attacking 5-HT). So here I am thinking I found out what's wrong with me. So I get a family friend that's a physician to run a blood test for serotonin so I can do a 'report' on the physiology of it on the brain (at least it wasn't a complete lie). The labs came back as my 5-HT levels were a bit low yet "nothing seriously dangerous" in the physicians words. So no serotonin syndrome for me. I still have this fear of cannabis in the back of my head so I am starting to think I was traumatized with the anxiety attack of the weed. Every-time I would hear the word "weed", smell it, or see it my DP would get worse.

Finally figuring things out, sorta:

So when I realized my DP wasn't completely based off low serotonin levels and noticed I feared cannabis I realized this a disorder of fear. Fear can cause anxiety and the anxiety is basically the heart and brain of DP (why CBT works - to be explained later). DP isn't from an chemical imbalance so it has to be something we think or as people would say 'just in our heads'. DP is a side-effect of of a traumatizing experience, so no it's not that alcohol you downed at your friends party back when you were thirteen. Something else either happened at that party or somehow you remembered a traumatizing experience (alcohol brought it up) that would have sent your brain into a state of fear or anxiety. How this whole process happens in detail is still unknown, which I want to research even more (to be explained later).

The management and treatment, plus further research:

Do I have the complete treatment for it? No. The treatment will vary on the person with DP on how they got DP (to figure out the onset), past traumatizing experiences (to figure out where fear is coming from), age (DP is most common in adolescents, teenagers, and people into their early adult years), gender (how different hormones can affect the brain with DP), current and past medications (medications may be continuously making it last due to 5-HT level interruption), and length of DP and past treatment history (final piece to figuring out the puzzle - hopefully).

CBT is helpful in DP because it helps eliminate fear of the disorder (fear to be explained next).

Step one is actually facing the fear. When I was reading people had this for their whole lives it gave into my fear which made my DP worse, even though I didn't even know why they had at it so long at the time. Upon further research most people will never see a doctor for an official diagnosis or treatment for 12-15 years after experiencing the symptoms (hmm...). When dealing with traumatized patients time is crucial with the stabilization of their thoughts to keep them from going into an anxiety attack, shock, severe depression, or from mood swings (bi-polar disorder). So many things can happen to that person (including picking up other problems) within those 12-15 years, which makes treatment harder because you will have to analyze those additional years that have passed to make an accurate treatment plan (for the record it is not impossible - it's just harder and will have to find a good therapist).

You need to know you have DP, you have to tell yourself you have DP. Otherwise the rest of this (or the whole post) is completely useless since your brain won't accept it as something helpful. This may slightly increase your anxiety or make the DP feel worse, so take this slowly. This is not an overnight cure, nothing traumatizing is. Each day look at yourself in the mirror and notice things about you that you've always known like "that's my eyes" then the next day "that's my hair" and then while doing this over several days or a few weeks add in that you may not be noticing yourself completely cause of the DP and you need a change. Overtime this will wire your brain to know you have DP, that it's okay (won't harm you anymore), and you are actually you (which will lower your anxiety and make the DP go a little away).

If you are afraid of a materialistic item that you believe that brought on the DP (i.e.'s scary roller coaster ride, alcohol, or drugs). If this isn't you and you have other traumatizing actions that caused it just skip this. After realizing you have DP (typically best to just add it into your daily routine) is to face your fears. I'll use alcohol and weed for this example: If you believe the alcohol was the onset of your DP you need to realize that it's there and will always be there (easier said than done and takes time). You also need to know it will no longer cause any harm to you and that you are greater than the alcohol (once again easier said than done and takes time). After you start realizing it's yourself and facing your fears to the point where you don't fear them anymore you should be about 50-60% better, so for the next 40-50% you'll have to: Go back to your old routines before you took whatever started your DP. No, this doesn't mean eating healthy, becoming a vegan, or playing sports you have never played. This part is going back to who you are. Sports or going outside is uncomfortable with people that aren't used to it, so in reality it'll just make them more nervous and offer no help to DP. This theory comes from low serotonin levels to naturally boost them. If you grab a log book and wrote down all of your feelings right now and in a period of two months after following this and looking back at the log book I would almost guarantee that'd you would feel at least 70-90% better than you did from when you wrote that log. Once you feel comfortable with yourself then get into your daily routines even more and that should be it, if your DP was just the cause of fear from a materialistic substance boosting it (does not include childhood trauma or multi-systematic disorders).

If that wasn't you or isn't you and you suffer from a emotional physical experience (physical abuse, verbal abuse, mutli-systematic disorders such as having depression or bi-polar disorder with the DP, motor vehicle accident, bullying, or separation) it becomes a tad harder to treat because it's a mix of the first two parts of realizing you have DP, attempting to face fears, but depending on the personal background different treatments will have to be issued. Such as an example if you have depression from a past childhood experience you will need to be treated for the depression (and make sure nothing in the depression treatment is interfering with your DP - a lot of psychologists lack this due to the little knowledge of DP), then you'll need trauma counseling of the past childhood experience. This DP treatment cannot be fully done on your own since trauma counseling is complex since each case varies on the person. I would suggest finding a counselor or a psychologist that has a great knowledge in DP or specializes in it to review your current treatment plan and make sure the current treatment isn't causing the DP onset or making it continuous.

Other great techniques of getting over DP is talking about it. This goes with facing your fears and realizing you have DP. Some people with DP are scared of it and don't like talking about it since the thought of it worries them. But as you talk to others about it (which is why this forum is great) you tend to fear it less. It's like a huge group therapy.

Continuous research:

Of course there has to be a better treatment to this and faster results. We can accomplish this and many other things with DP once we completely figure out what's happening in the brain step by step with how it processes fear. So I hope to fully start research when I begin my graduate studies. I would also like to make depersonalization/derealization a specialty within psychology. When the time comes I'd like to be able to have contacts that have experienced or still experiencing DP to help with the cause and research.

A little more on me:

I feel almost better, but not all the away. I still feel tired, sometimes make objects out to be than what they actually are (quickly realize it isn't after a few seconds), and daydream a bit. I am still working on my self awareness and getting out (what I am used to) and slowly seeing some improvement as weeks go by (it's not a fast thing to fix). I have currently had DP for three and a half months.

I'm finally done:

If you stuck around to read this all, I thank you! Hopefully it helps you a bit. I personally would like to hear your current stories or recovery stories if you feel open enough with them. I am also open to answer any questions. You can either do so on here or sending me an email at [email protected]

quick side note I forgot to add:

Telling yourself you have DP can cause depression, which will lengthen the term of DP. If you had it for years and you have tried different things, keep on trying more and more different things. A state of thought can be changed with time.


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## Aust!n (Aug 14, 2014)

Good stuff at the end. People underestimate how powerful their mind and thoughts really are.


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## Meticulous (Jul 30, 2013)

Thanks for this in-depth, and informative post. It must have taken a hefty chunk out of your time!

I have always truly believed that we are a product of our thoughts. Once we learn to accept our disorder, instead of trying to control it, is when the real recovery can begin.

I look forward to reading more of your posts, keep us updated!


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## Guest (Aug 25, 2014)

Great post, thank you. Makes a lot of sense what you said.

I think you're onto a great thing wanting to further your studies and research DP.. there's a huge, gapping hole in the mental health field just waiting to be filled here.. You'll never be out of work, that's for sure. As you might have already picked up on this site, people really struggle to find good talk therapists, and from my experience, a therapist who doesn't know much about the dissociative disorders can easily do more harm than good without even realising..

From the studies I've read.. trauma is the most common cause for DPD and after talking to many others with different dissociative disorders and therapists in the field, trauma therapy of some kind, is the most likely to yield a positive outcome.. after all.. that's what they do.

Cheers...


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## _Adorn (Aug 24, 2014)

TheMessenjah said:


> Thanks for this in-depth, and informative post. It must have taken a hefty chunk out of your time!
> 
> I have always truly believed that we are a product of our thoughts. Once we learn to accept our disorder, instead of trying to control it, is when the real recovery can begin.
> 
> I look forward to reading more of your posts, keep us updated!


That's exactly what it is. There's nothing wrong with peoples brains such as chemical imbalance. A chemical imbalance would be found on blood work. The closest thing to DP that can be found on blood work is serotonin syndrome. All it is somewhere along the line we allowed the thought of this spaced out feeling to hit us. Researching the exact cause of this will completely increase the recovery time and effectiveness of treatment. A lot of people are spooked and won't accept the fact they have DP and just try to change it, which will either not work or make it worse in the end. Honestly if we had a neuralyzer pen like from the Men in Black movies it could actually probably cure DP! Lol


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## Meticulous (Jul 30, 2013)

_Adorn said:


> That's exactly what it is. There's nothing wrong with peoples brains such as chemical imbalance. A chemical imbalance would be found on blood work. The closest thing to DP that can be found on blood work is serotonin syndrome. All it is somewhere along the line we allowed the thought of this spaced out feeling to hit us. Researching the exact cause of this will completely increase the recovery time and effectiveness of treatment. A lot of people are spooked and won't accept the fact they have DP and just try to change it, which will either not work or make it worse in the end.* Honestly if we had a neuralyzer pen like from the Men in Black movies it could actually probably cure DP! Lol *


Haha too right!

I've spoken to endless amounts of people on here, and in person blaming their actions and the way they are on how their brains function. I hate coming off as pretentious but I've always told them it's just their thought process! I also don't want to act like I know everything, because I definitely have a lot to learn, but I've understood this for quite some time now and it has helped me beyond belief.

I saw a video comparing our minds to a farm. Whatever seeds you choose to plant, your mind will give in return, whether it be positive or negative.


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## demi (Oct 16, 2013)

Lion7 add me on Skype zmed.tra


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## Betsy2 (Nov 24, 2014)

Hi I live in the UK and have only just found out about depersonalisation or dissociative (identity) disorder and I think that this is what I'm experiencing now.

I am 58 years old and have suffered and been treated for depression for a long, long time. More recently - like 2 years ago - I had a bad bout of depression and with my psych we tried to adjust medications so I improved, which I did. But, around this time something odd happened, I started abusing alcohol and just don't know why it happened and I've been trying to fathom out what triggered this alcohol abuse. I have now managed to get a handle on the alcohol but there still remains this 'quest' on to what triggered it.

Although I'm been treated for depression I'm wondering if this is in fact a dissociative disorder which was triggered in some way and led me to abuse alcohol.

I am seeing a psychodynamic counsellor and am going to talk it through with her; hoping she has some insight into this disorder.

I also am wondering what constitutes abuse - I was emotionally abused as a child and it went on into adulthood as well and more recently it has been entering my mind quite a lot as the way I was treated.

I apologise for the length of this but just wondered if you had any thoughts on this.

Thank you


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## seafoamneon (Jul 16, 2014)

Fearless said:


> Funny thing is, DPd people are too smart to recover quickly. We all fantasize 10 times more stuff into our problem than what it is in reality.


Yeah, for a while I was trying to catch myself with distorted thinking

And I realized they weren't just thoughts... but entire action/horror movie scenarios in my daydreams lol


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## keeping (Nov 29, 2014)

I was minoring in Psych until I realised the irony of it all too. Carry on! I could have really used a doctor like you.

best,

K


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