# Depersonalization and Panic Attacks around family



## koopa (Jan 29, 2011)

Hey everyone I'm new on here and just wanted to share my story about panic attacks and depersonalization. 
I came from an extremely emotionally and physically abusive family. Where I was not allowed to express any emotion or even ask a question without there being severe consequences. Every day I woke up to being told I was ugly ******* loser etc etc I was terrified for the majority of my childhood.
I moved out of home about 1 and half years ago and it has been a huge relief for me. Now after getting some distance between me and my family I have started getting really bad panic attacks and then depersonalizing in their presence and even the thought of them makes me really anxious. When I go into a state of depersonalization it almost feels as though another ego takes over, but my therapist believes that I do not have multiple personalities. It is still very difficult cos I live in the same city as they do, so I'm kind of always on edge. I'm currently in therapy for this problem and am hoping that some day I am able to overcome this.
I'm wondering if anyone out there has experienced anything even slightly similar to this?
Thanks for taking the time to read.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Welcome to the forum.

Unfortunately 'toxic' families seem to abound. It is best to focus on making your own life and friends, though I appreciate you don't wish to completely cut off ties.

It is very damaging to continually be verbally abused - it might help to find ways to not let them get away with it.

As for multiple personalities, people act different in different situations. At work you are one way, at a party you are different. But I suspect you mean even more than that. I too am 'emotionally fragmented'.

Keep with your therapy and build your inner strength and confidence. And learn how to avoid toxic people even if it means limiting being with your family. The fact that you are bothered just living in the same city show that you know this and are torn. For some, it is just easier to move away - a sense of peace being away from the abusers and a pleasant excuse for avoiding them since they are 'blood'. Personally I've kept over 2000 miles away from my family.

You will find a balance that you will be happy with. And learn to shed all the negative programming from your childhood.


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## heartdream (Feb 6, 2011)

Visual Dude said:


> Welcome to the forum.
> 
> Unfortunately 'toxic' families seem to abound. It is best to focus on making your own life and friends, though I appreciate you don't wish to completely cut off ties.
> 
> ...


I think that is great advice. I relate to you Koopa. Looking back, I feel that without a doubt my toxic family was always the trigger for my chronic dp. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be their target because we rationalize that it's just tough love and not intended to damage us. I wish I had moved out a long time ago the trouble was that I felt that I didn't have the ability to cope with my symptoms enough to be able to make it on my own. I always feared living alone and feared driving but this is the year I plan on making my move. It's just hard when you don't have support. It's so insane how just anybody can be a parent.


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