# Anyone Else Afraid of Reality



## Guest (Jan 13, 2010)

I've been back sliding the past two days. Stayed in bed yesterday and woke up in a panic this morning. Yesterday I just kept freaking out about reality. I don't know why but I get moments where I am terrified of reconnecting to reality. I think about what my life in reality was like (I am far enough along in recovery that I can remember what past experiences felt like) and I just start to panic. I keep going over and over this and trying to figure out why I am being so irrational about it. One on hand, I want to be recovered. I want to wake up one morning and have dp just be gone, like it was never there. On the other hand, the thought of that terrifies me and so, I honestly think that deep down I am keeping dp going for some reason.
The ONLY thing that gives me comfort is remembering that during my first round of "chronic dp", which lasted a week and a half, I was also scared of getting better. I was in the middle of this horrible terrifying experience, which at the time, I had no name for and yet I was scared of it going away. It has to just be something to do with the parts of the brain that dp messes with. Anyways, my point is that I fully recovered from that episode and reality felt like it always had. My whole dp period just seemed like some weird dream and I was able to shrug it off and move on.

So does anyone else feel the fear of reality?


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## Mario (Oct 26, 2009)

tinyfairypeople said:


> I've been back sliding the past two days. Stayed in bed yesterday and woke up in a panic this morning. Yesterday I just kept freaking out about reality. I don't know why but I get moments where I am terrified of reconnecting to reality. I think about what my life in reality was like (I am far enough along in recovery that I can remember what past experiences felt like) and I just start to panic. I keep going over and over this and trying to figure out why I am being so irrational about it. One on hand, I want to be recovered. I want to wake up one morning and have dp just be gone, like it was never there. On the other hand, the thought of that terrifies me and so, I honestly think that deep down I am keeping dp going for some reason.
> The ONLY thing that gives me comfort is remembering that during my first round of "chronic dp", which lasted a week and a half, I was also scared of getting better. I was in the middle of this horrible terrifying experience, which at the time, I had no name for and yet I was scared of it going away. It has to just be something to do with the parts of the brain that dp messes with. Anyways, my point is that I fully recovered from that episode and reality felt like it always had. My whole dp period just seemed like some weird dream and I was able to shrug it off and move on.
> 
> So does anyone else feel the fear of reality?


Yes,I myself feel the fear of reality and i can tell you i don't like the feeling at all,it's so disturbing,and that's because i've been dP'd for almost 5 years and i don't even remember who that Mario's oldself was.That happens because we can't even feel our past,like our lives before DP have been lived by someone else.
In spite of all that i can still find something inside of me (with the help of meds,of course),that allows me to function in some aspects.
But i have been thinking about this fear of connecting with reality again,and i've reach to the conclusion that once we get rid of DP,that fear goes with it because we only have this fear while we are dp'd.Therefore i think that we should reduce our worries about that feeling and keep on living our daily lives the best we can and believe me,in spite of all our fears we still want to connect with reality again,don't we?


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## IQ (Mar 20, 2007)

I definitely have a huge fear of reality, I think thats half the reason im still in the hell hole of DP. Whatever the reason was that I ended up like this has long since left my mind, and now I fear that which I desire the most.

Baaaaahhhhh....


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## Katezorz (Jan 10, 2010)

You've probably had it for so long and learned how to (somewhat) cope with it, now you may feel as though you're unsure how to deal with a new change of perception. Maybe you feel like you can't remember who you used to be and that scares you? If that's the case, you've never left. You have always been you and you always will be.

For a while I will stop thinking about my anxiety dp/dr for an hour or so, and then suddenly I can't breathe and I remember that I'm stuck in this terrible nightmare that my mind has created and it all comes flooding back yet again. I know I WANT to get better, but it feels like my mind does not.

Just let it happen. Don't think about it, don't worry about it, live your life and allow yourself to slowly get better. I know this sounds really hard and scary, but it seems like you've taken huge steps toward recovery. I applaud you, truly. Soon you'll be 100% better and you'll wonder what the heck you were so worried about. That's what people say when they recover, anyway


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