# wondering is dp obvious to other people



## hmmm (Jan 21, 2011)

I am new here and am very curious about dp. I have a daughter that i have been saying for years,it's like she's absent periodically.

There are times when things will be going along just fine then bam....she wakes up one day with a different look in her eye and expressionless.I feel like she is an actor in a movie,going through the motions of life without any emotional responses or any thoughts of her own.Like she's waiting for the next line, someone to tell her waht she's supposed to do next.I have told the dr it's like shes a zombie,robbed of her soul.When this happens she also seems to sleep way more and withdraw,get confused and forgetful.Also cuts herself but doesn't know why...I ask her what is going through her mind when she does that...it's been going on for years....pretty bad at times,but no idea why she does it.

She is dx with major depressive disorder and anxiety, but there is this piece to it and I have never really been able to put my finger on it. I recently stumbled upon this new word-depersonalization- and I think it describes what I've been seeing with her.

Teachers have noticed it as well- since she was in preschool- they say things to me like she seems so spacy, such a daydreamer, lately (shes 17 now) teachers tell me she just sits there in school. Like completely physically there but yet absent. Has become incredibly non productive.

I read through all the symptoms of dp and wonder if it can be that obvious to other people,or is it more of an inward thing for sufferers,where onlookers wouldn't necessarily notice?

Last time she had an episode like this it lasted for months and was accompanied by depression,migraines and super high anxiety,almost to the point of panic I would say. She would cry on and off the majority of the day and say weird things. Like i'm scared, but not know of what. One day I said you have to try to tell me what is going through your mind. She said I;m just scared of time goiing by so fast,like yesterday went so fast and the day before and last week just went by so fast, like they didn't even happen . Just kept rambling about time going so fast. I felt that she was trying to say life is going by so fast and I'm somehow missing it all. She was to the point of panic,like really freaked out, but not psycotic. Intact with reality.

It is very scary to me when this is going on, I want her to find her personality and feelings again...to come back.Her therapist is always telling me she doesn't know who she is,and she feels she picks up and plays off of the personalities of people around her. Like if they're hurting she seems to feel there pain way more than empathy,like it's her own pain. If people are laughing she seems to have her next line in the movie and will laugh too, but it's not genuine it's more like it's in the script so do it.

Please respond if any of this sounds familiar...Would be interested to hear if anybody was confronted by a loved one and asked waht was going on in their head.Or is it just a feeling to you that noone else can see??

sorry if this is all over the place, but it is so hard to describe. I had her take a dp quiz and she scored in the severe zone for dp, but again it's like she will answer the way she thinks she is supposed to, but it's hard to tell if her answers are real??Again hard to describe.
Thanks


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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

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## hmmm (Jan 21, 2011)

j4mtj said:


> Yes, I had DP as a child and was told or asked 'where are you' and 'get with it'.
> I do think it is apparent to people who know us well.


Did you know what was going on with you at the time?? Not the actual term depersonalization, but could you have described to somebody what you were feeling?Or did you just feel weird?scared? My daughter cannot say how she feels, can't seem to put any description with it. I


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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

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## hmmm (Jan 21, 2011)

j4mtj said:


> Well, I was very young when this was first said to me, probably in elementary school, and having had dp as far back as I can remember (it's resolved now), I didn't know anything other than this so probably didn't complain about it to anyone.
> However, in retrospect, I was always uncomfortable in my skin, felt I was watching myself from a distance, etc. all the symptoms you find in DP definitions.
> I think one of the hallmarks of this is the difficulty in describing what it feels like, much as your daughter is finding.


really?? It's compl;etely resolved now? Her's seems to recur in connection with the depression and anxiety states...I feel as though it is one of those what came first the chicken or the egg situations.Like was she dp and that led to depression/anxiety or did depression/anxiety lead to dp?

I wonder if this is a way of removing herself from the pain of depression?subconscios of course. I wonder if people who have found resolution really just finally found relief from depression/ anxiety. Would that at all relate to your resolution?

She has been on soo many meds over the years- amitriptaline,depakot,lamictal,risperidone,prozac,wellbutrin,topamax- currently abilify and lexapro.Not all at once of course but different combos and trials.

Last year it got so bad she completely stopped functioning. Like a total shut down, we had to hospitalize her had a change of meds and was so good for the last 7 months.Now am just floored because she does not seem depressed or anxios at this time-just absent-never seen this by itself before.

I'm just so confused.


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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

This story could have just as easily been written about me. I've had dp my whole life and every stage of it sounds exactly how I was, even down to the cutting and the remarks from teachers when she was younger. I think it is definitely something you should take up with a doctor and maybe some more with your daughter. Adolescent and high school years were definitely some of the most difficult times I had with it but I can tell you that if she continues to reflect my story, things can and will get better. It just takes time and awareness that there is something wrong to begin with. It is very likely that she has just adapted to dp since she has had it for most of her life. I think people who have adapted have a harder time realizing what exactly is off or why they are having a hard time. But, I know that you reaching out to help her is going to make a difference. If you need any more guidance or want to talk, feel free to message me.

Also, one last thing to add. I have pure depersonalization disorder. It can occur on its own without depression and anxiety. While I've definitely battled depression and anxiety and they can irritate dp, dp tends to stay there on its own whether I'm anxious and depressed or not. That doesn't mean there wont be a solution. It's just going to take more than anxiety meds or anti-depressants, which you've already witnessed yourself.


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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

Hi. This is an interesting post and its good to hear that you are so concerned; love is what we all need if we want to get over this nasty symptom.

The other symptoms you describe are typical to go with DP, such as migraine and anxiety.. however you can of course have these symptoms without DP and have DP without these symtoms.

In my personal opinion, I think if she had these 'severe' symptoms that were concluded from the test, she would have been able to describe to you along time ago what was wrong. If she tells you that shes scared, but dosnt know why, then she is opening up to you about something that she knows you may not be able to understnd; therefore if she had feelings that she was dissapearing, or feelings that either she or the world felt or looked as though it was not real, then I think she would have already told you.

To me, Dp is something that the sufferer has to deal with within, and that is why I belive this site is so well supported. We are fully aware of how bizarre our statements sound as we are aware of how 'normal' we appear to the rest of the world. Infact it fraustrates me sometimes because the rest of the world cannot possibly see what you are going through. Unlike many mental illnesses, DP is physical/chemical, and therefore the sufferer is aware of their actions, thus appearing normal.

I do belive that cirtain charicter traits are more prone to DP. Such as high stress people or intelligent people who tend to over anaylise and worry about things. I read a post here a while back where many of us agreed, we were deep thinkers who often are caught day dreaming and/or getting very ocnserned about something which does not seem to bother other people.

This is all my opinion but I hope that it shines some clarity upon your situation.


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## hmmm (Jan 21, 2011)

BusyBee said:


> Hi. This is an interesting post and its good to hear that you are so concerned; love is what we all need if we want to get over this nasty symptom.
> 
> The other symptoms you describe are typical to go with DP, such as migraine and anxiety.. however you can of course have these symptoms without DP and have DP without these symtoms.
> 
> ...


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## hmmm (Jan 21, 2011)

Interesting. I think she knows she is out of it scared absent whatever, but i wonder if like some of the other posters said,couldn't describe it because it's been a part of her for so long.

When I had her do the questionaire..I wonder if the questions on there just rang a bell with her, like wow this is how I describe it.

I don't know... it's just.. for so long my DH and I have been trying to get p docs to understand what we're seeing. Just want to know what it is. SOme type of explanation.I am definantly going to bring this up at our next appt.

I was almost starting to wonder if it was some early schitzophrenia or something,but no way too intact with reality.

I think I will have her come here and check things out..good advice...when she was in the hospital she found great comfort in being around others who felt like her.

Wow peachy,interseting to hear you say your story is so similar.

SO nobody seems to think meds work??I keep hoping to find the winning combination. We've been in therapy so long. Every year we exhaust our mental health portion of the insurance and it is getting harder and harder to afford to keep going. I just don't know how to break through. She has very little to say. Seems to like the therapist and all but so not in touch with how she feels that no progress is ever being made.

There is no history of trauma. We have all asked and asked.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

BusyBee said:


> In my personal opinion, I think if she had these 'severe' symptoms that were concluded from the test, she would have been able to describe to you along time ago what was wrong. If she tells you that shes scared, but dosnt know why, then she is opening up to you about something that she knows you may not be able to understnd; therefore if she had feelings that she was dissapearing, or feelings that either she or the world felt or looked as though it was not real, then I think she would have already told you.


Not necessarily true. It took me years to realize something was wrong, years to know what that something was, years to put it in to words, years to accept that it was what I was feeling, and years to learn to cope with it. These things just take time. In retrospect, I believe it is why I was so depressed in high school. I must have subconsciously felt as though I were missing personality. Of course, she is not. It is all there. But when something is with you that long and you can't differentiate between when it wasn't there, you think it is YOU. And how can you describe a phenomena like that as wrong if it's been with you all this time? That's like saying, you're whole life you've had this symptom that when you get hungry, your stomach feels weird and sometimes growls. Completely normal for that person. You wouldn't think to mention it because it's what you know of. You get hungry, your stomach growls. The same thing goes for depersonalization. You go outside, it looks unreal. The only difference is that depersonalization is hard to live with and it's not something most people are acquainted with. You can't eat a bagel and make it go away. It's a hard thing to even explain in the first place, much more difficult than explaining a stomach growl. But then again, if someone had never experienced a hungry feeling stomach, maybe that would be hard to explain as well. Anyways, that's all a tangent. What I'm basically saying is that if you've had it that long, it is your sense of what "normal" is, as odd and weird as the sensation feels.


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## hmmm (Jan 21, 2011)

peachy said:


> Not necessarily true. It took me years to realize something was wrong, years to know what that something was, years to put it in to words, years to accept that it was what I was feeling, and years to learn to cope with it. These things just take time. In retrospect, I believe it is why I was so depressed in high school. I must have subconsciously felt as though I were missing personality. Of course, she is not. It is all there. But when something is with you that long and you can't differentiate between when it wasn't there, you think it is YOU. And how can you describe a phenomena like that as wrong if it's been with you all this time? That's like saying, you're whole life you've had this symptom that when you get hungry, your stomach feels weird and sometimes growls. Completely normal for that person. You wouldn't think to mention it because it's what you know of. You get hungry, your stomach growls. The same thing goes for depersonalization. You go outside, it looks unreal. The only difference is that depersonalization is hard to live with and it's not something most people are acquainted with. You can't eat a bagel and make it go away. It's a hard thing to even explain in the first place, much more difficult than explaining a stomach growl. But then again, if someone had never experienced a hungry feeling stomach, maybe that would be hard to explain as well. Anyways, that's all a tangent. What I'm basically saying is that if you've had it that long, it is your sense of what "normal" is, as odd and weird as the sensation feels.


well put.


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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

Thanks for your post because it hits home with me.. Im 16 and i have bad periods of dp like your daughter.. I always feared that my dp was noticed by others. I actually always thought that it was from the beginning, because i noticed the blank look on my face and it seemed like people acted strangely around me. Now that i hear about how you are noticing your daughters behaviour, it confirms that people do notice dp pretty obviously, at least in some cases. Its such a hellish thing, now i know that people around me truely notice how im feeling. I always thought they did, and yhen i looked online that dp sufferers appear normal, i thought i was going crazy. But idk..its just hell. I wish i could hide it and not show it in my appearence


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