# paranoia



## MidnightRambler (May 5, 2007)

i am sitting in my room now... earlier today i got a black bandana, and used it as a headband to keep my hair out of my face. i live in the city, and as i got out of my car to go into my house i still had the bandana on, and a 17-18 y/o kid walked by me and looked at me strangely. i was already a little bit concerned due to the relation between gangs and headbands but i figured black would be fine and it was a 5 second walk to my door. fast forward a few hours to me lying in bed about to go get a soda when i thought i saw the lock shift on my door (maybe it did, maybe not, i can't be sure...) and now i can't leave my room. for an hour i've been stressing out, paranoid that people are in the house. i know rationally that it is stupid, i'm not THAT important, but i can't bring myself to open my door.

this whole situation, coupled with the common fear of becoming schizophrenic that most DP'd people have, makes me worried. the only thing that is letting me feel safe in my own head is 1. intellectually i know it'sridiculous, and 2. you're not aware of it when you're crazy, so i'm safe (i hope).


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## MidnightRambler (May 5, 2007)

[posted twice]


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## severed (Jun 11, 2007)

Showering in the house alone with a very active imagination... I would lock all the doors and keep a phone and a big, blunt object with me in the bathroom. I've gotten way better now, all that paranoia is mostly gone thank god. Now I jsut have to worry about the ghosts getting me at night


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## PPPP (Nov 26, 2006)

I get scared when I'm home alone too. :shock: 
so I keep a crowbar in my room.

We used to have a creep who watched us through the windows at night for about a year so I'm paranoid about that.


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## melissajeanne (Jul 16, 2006)

ha yaa im about to be left home alone now (at 10:30 pm) and im a bit paranoid. i always have the telephone by my side 24/7, and i have the news on one tv loud enough to hear it, and on another tv i have like whatevers on channel 2 or 5. i get scared out of my mind when watching shows like csi or murder mystery dateline shows. keep your surroundings familiar and lighthearted =)


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## MidnightRambler (May 5, 2007)

thanks for all the replies...

but what i felt was very specific. i knew exactly what i was afraid of and why i was afraid, after someone woke up to use the bathroom i felt fine and was able to leave my room. i don't normally have general fears, this freaked me out because of how exact everything was (kid saw bandana, recognized some gang symbolism, and they broke in at night and were waiting). like i said i knew rationally how stupid it was to think like that but i just couldn't open the door.


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## severed (Jun 11, 2007)

You just have to face your fears when something like that happens. It can take a lot of work to find the courage to face your fears, and the anxiety can be tough, but if you logically that something isn't real, then you just have to convince your emotions and fears. Force yourself into opening the door next time, jsut act without thinking.


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