# Girlfriend of someone with DP



## Danirose23 (Jun 18, 2016)

Hey Everyone!!

I came across this site and I have already found it pretty helpful with better understanding DP.

My boyfriend had a very rough childhood and he has explained to me that is probably the base of his DP. With just finishing nursing school I learned that I need to turn off that textbook mindset because it doesn't not seem to fit DP in the way other disorders do. I love this man with every part of me and it kills me to see him in so much distress some days. Sometimes he is that happy, loving, and amazing man but then at anytime it can switch and he can become so distant like he is in some other world. He has explained to me before that he will sometimes have these somewhat obsessive thoughts about how he needs to do more and more to prove he is a good person and boyfriend. If he doesn't constantly do things for me or if I don't give constant support he begins to have thoughts and zone out. I want to say he is very codependent and a lot of that is due to his mother.

What I am asking from all of you is what I can do to help him. He has expressed that he has tried different medications before and therapy but nothing has really helped. I try so hard to "snap him out of it" and be encouraging, supportive, and I make sure we communicate about all of our feelings. Is there things I could say or do that will make it better for him?

I also want to apologize if I have said anything that is incorrect regarding DP or offensive to anyone.

Thank you so much! Any education, personal experiences, or thoughts would be greatly appreciated!!

DaniRose23


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Have patience and understanding during the bad periods...Thats all you need to do...You cant cure him and you cant snap him out of it....Even though you would probably want nothing more....DP is very very difficult to cure (But not impossible)

All any person who suffers with their mental health wants (especially during difficult periods) is for the people around them (family ,friends ,partners) to realise that they are not well and will be distant and not be able to function as normal...They dont want to be patronised and told to pull their socks up....They just want understanding!


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## CharlieFreak (Nov 19, 2012)

It's great that you're being so supportive, and you two are working hard at your relationship. As someone who is a recovering codependent, and have worked through a lot of my relationships, I can tell you that there's a good chance he's struggling a lot with opening up to you and being the boyfriend he wants to be. Everyone with this disorder has different traits, but I believe it's common for sufferers to switch from being clingy to being reserved. My advice is to not take his behavior as a sign of how he feels about you, keep working through things, and continue growing together. It might be tough for him, but also consider how it's effecting your life, and keep your needs in mind as well. Relationships can be difficult when mental illness gets involved, but I think with self understanding, you two can work through. I hope the best for your boyfriend.

Also, don't completely through out the textbook mindset. Being psychologically read is always helpful  
Feel free to PM me with any questions. I log in every week or so.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Excellent advice Charlie!!!

Remember Danirose23.....Just like Charlie said....It is very very important that you take your own self into consideration...You have to look after yourself first...

But honestly, all you will be required to do when your boyfriend is not doing so well is to take a step back and just be understanding that he isnt well and wont be able to get on with things like he normally does.....

Being supportive is very misunderstood by friends and family of mental health sufferers...You dont have to be there 24/7 jumping through hoops for the sufferer or trying everything in your power to fix them..... you just need to take a step back and understand they are gonna be ill for a period and may need a little support and patience...

I wish you well.....You sound like a very good honest decent human being....I wish my wife had been so willing to find out about DP and research it more in an attempt to make our relationship work....She just thought I was being lazy and making it all up because I seemed fine on the outside.....But thats another story 

We need more people like you in the world Danirose !  You deserve alot of credit!!!


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## TimMis (Mar 21, 2016)

Yes you can cure him. To learn his brain slowly that life is more than just a rough childhood. Step by step, piece by piece. To say you can't cure him isn't true. It looks like that people who have had from a young age because of abuse of something, have the longest recovery time. But it's no near impossible. The majority recover but the trauma has to be labeled, and if anxiety or depression is present, solve that first.

Good luck.


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