# New Here, experiencing existential DP/DR



## dpdr89 (Jul 29, 2015)

First time discussing this with anyone other than my SO and a mental health provider.

Since high school, I've battled on and off with anxiety and DP/DR. Like most of you, I didn't know what it was at first, it just felt like my consciousness was pulled back a bit, and that I couldn't connect with myself or the world. I worried about never reconnecting and "pulling away" permanently. I worked with mental health providers for years, and they provided me with a set of medications that for the most part helped - prozac, seroquel, and klonopin.

After a bout with having no medication left (no insurance, no money to get prescriptions), and going through a pretty awful withdrawal, I decided I wanted to wean off the meds with the help of a doctor. Around half a year ago, I was successful, and was relatively symptom free.

It has since come back in a big way. I have an appointment set in a week, but wanted to share my experience as a coping technique and see if anyone has been in a similar place.

A few weeks ago, I had some minor anxiety and perceptual shift, which I was able to work through. I had an appointment with my GP, and he checked my thyroid levels (normal). About one week ago, it got really intense where I ended up taking some of the old klonopin I had left, but didn't get much relief.

The feelings I'm experiencing now are all related to accidental existential introspection. It's not something I looked into on purpose, but for whatever brain chemistry reason I started thinking about non-existence and the nature of reality. My SO's grandfather then passed away, which cause me to rationalize myself as a finite conscious being, furthering these thoughts of non-existence and separating further from any sort of concrete reality. The thoughts become so intense and intrusive it feels like I will "snap" and lose my tether to the world.

The DP/DR perceptual shift occurs during these thoughts and is accompanied with anxiety. It almost feels as if I'll "think myself out of existence" or lose touch with myself/existence.

Logically, I know I've been here before, and my SO has been a huge help in trying to give me grounding exercises. But logic doesn't play a huge part when it feels like everything is on the verge of shattering, so I'm looking for additional resources/similar experiences.

Rambling, I know, but sometimes even discussing this is off-putting.


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