# I really kinda just want to die.



## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Im crying my face off right now. I just want this to end.   I dont know what to do. Im not me, im not the same person I was when I was little. I think about how I could have avoided this torture in the first place.  I did this to myself. I hate me, I hate this life, and I hate seeing people who enjoy their lives I HATE IT IHATE IT I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to have a good life now its just a car wreck with no hope. There is nothing I can do. NOTHING except take these stupid meds that dont do shit. Flower* this life. When I was 12 or 13, I was "normal" (whatever the flower* that is), I was happy and loved life like a normal kid and all of that is gone forever.   GOD I CANT STOP CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I wish I could kill myself so bad. Im so close but I just CANT DO IT!!!!!!!!.   I guess I better say goodbye to the old Dannie. Something took him away. I dont think he's coming back


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## Guest (Jul 29, 2009)

Man,

I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel okay at least for the moment. But I know exactly how you are feeling because I've had those same thoughts and those same feelings. Hang tough brother, there is a Sunny Day around the corner. Or better yet, look for the eye of the storm. You are strong, you can do this, you can deal with DP. We'll figure things out, don't worry. We are here for you.

-Thoughts


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## adyttzzzzu (May 14, 2009)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Man,
> 
> I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel okay at least for the moment. But I know exactly how you are feeling because I've had those same thoughts and those same feelings. Hang tough brother, there is a Sunny Day around the corner. Or better yet, look for the eye of the storm. You are strong, you can do this, you can deal with DP. We'll figure things out, don't worry. We are here for you.
> 
> -Thoughts


QFT

Hang in there,we'll get over this.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Look at it this way man, you are at rock bottom, it can only go upwards from here! Do some crazy shit (without hurting anyone, including yourself) f ucking go skinnydipping at a public pool, get in a fight, hit on hot girls,Do some damage to the NWO/One world Government, do everything from Jackass, I dunno. If all else fails, call a suicide hotline or the ER.

There is so much to keep on living for.


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## Guest (Jul 29, 2009)

Claymore said:


> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZXHYItXWqE
> 
> Im crying my face off right now. I just want this to end.   I dont know what to do. Im not me, im not the same person I was when I was little.


Oh kiddo, I hear you completely. It has been so bad for me too lately that I got back on my Lexapro. I'm also hearing voices now too and having extreme paranoia and delusions. That is the pospartum psychosis and it will pass I was told.

You are not alone. I cannot express that enough. They won't even give me benzos, so I don't know how I'm going to go in for an interview and have a job and be independent because I have panick attacks too.

There's got to be something. Have you downloaded that free manual from www.emofree.com I think you should read it and do it. It is all about an emotional version of acupuncture. It may help you. Send me a message on Myspace anytime you know I check my shit constantly.


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## Guest (Jul 29, 2009)

MassagePatriot,

Believe it or not, Aspirin (81MG - 1 per day), actually helps with those voices/psychosis. Aspirin worked like a Miracle Drug for me when I was having major psychosis. Albeit, it doesn't completely take away the voices but it relieves them enough that you are able to cope with them in the background. Also, if you can, get a hold of Valium, that has been the best for me so far.

What does QFT mean?


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## adyttzzzzu (May 14, 2009)

Quoted for truth.


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## Guest (Jul 29, 2009)

Thanks,

Yes, Claymore look, we are here for you man. I have had DPD for 6 years and only in June did I discover that it has a clinical term and most importantly that I was not alone. Because I did, I thought I was completely alone in this for 6 years. And to be able to talk to others who have this also has been the biggest help and a great blessing. There have been times I've wanted to die, and to start life again, or a new life. And the truth is I've always felt that the moment I became depersonalized is the moment that the old David died. And I've promised him that I'd bring him back. But also I feel like he hasn't left and is watching over me almost like a guardian. Take that as you will, but I feel like the biggest help that we have is each other.

-Thoughts


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## Guest (Jul 29, 2009)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> MassagePatriot,
> 
> Believe it or not, Aspirin (81MG - 1 per day), actually helps with those voices/psychosis.


Good tip, asprin (81 mg) it is. I'm kind of scared to start the Zyprexa anyways. Mainly because I'm breastfeeding. And I have taken Seroquel in the past so I know how antipsychotics are. Thank goodness for medical insurance or the lowest dose of that Zyprexa would be almost $300.00 lol. I can only imagine how much a high dose of that would cost. The total for both the meds came to $40.


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## Guest (Jul 29, 2009)

Great,

Also it's said that Niacin helps for Schizophrenia, and I do take it, it does seem to help. I take 400 MG twice a day, Zero Flush Niacin.

-Thoughts


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

god were all so fukked up


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## Guest (Jul 29, 2009)

peachyderanged said:


> god were all so fukked up


I think that was (QFT) the most honest reply.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

peachyderanged said:


> god were all so fukked up


I agree with you Jinny.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

And thank you Roz, David, Ady, and Chris for your replies and concern but I really don't see how it's possible to get out of this.


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## Guest (Jul 29, 2009)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Great,
> 
> Also it's said that Niacin helps for Schizophrenia, and I do take it, it does seem to help. I take 400 MG twice a day, Zero Flush Niacin.
> 
> -Thoughts


Cool, I have taken Niacin before. The flush stuff was brutal lol. She says I'm not schizophrenic but she was concerned about my manic episodes lol. What ever it's all labels anyways. And yes we are all "fucked" up lol.


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## Guest (Jul 29, 2009)

Oh, really,

May be I am not labeled schizophrenic, but off of meds I do hear voices and have psychotic delusions. I wonder what "they" would call it? I don't even know which pills are working because I'm taken quite a few, Niacin, Aspirin, Lexapro, Valium. I know that they are all helping in there own ways. But I do know that without Aspirin I wouldn't have gotten through some psychosis so easily, and Valium is really really good for relaxing so it takes away the voices the best. Lexapro seems to replace Abilify really well as Abilify makes me shut down in my brain, I don't have that with Lexapro, in fact, I feel wide awake with it.


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## julio (Jun 16, 2009)

BRO,
This is not worth Dying for.
I know there are times were I am just to TIRED of this DP, Anxiety and Panic Attacks, that I know death would be easier to deal with, but were are all here for a REASON.
I sure of it, once day we will be ok, and maybe we are here to help one another, or maybe we will be helping someone in the future who might suffer from what we are suffering from , and we will help them....
Who knows...
Wish you all the BEST as always.....
GOD BLESS...


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

julio said:


> BRO,
> This is not worth Dying for.
> I know there are times were I am just to TIRED of this DP, Anxiety and Panic Attacks, that I know death would be easier to deal with, but were are all here for a REASON.
> I sure of it, once day we will be ok, and maybe we are here to help one another, or maybe we will be helping someone in the future who might suffer from what we are suffering from , and we will help them....
> ...


Yeah I know its not worth dying for but it scares me like crazy but God will bring us out of this and I agree that everything happens for a reason. I just lose my faith and hope sometimes so I want to get out of it so bad but all I can do is pray.


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