# Finally Gone!



## wildshoetwt (Aug 18, 2010)

After taking about 5g of Mushrooms and walking around in Vegas last summer, I emerged in what can best be describe as a state of mania. I don't know when it came on or when it ended. But I do know that as I started to smoke more and more weed following this shrooms trip, I was beginning to get more and more depersonalized.

I remember the turning point between mania and depersonzation very clearly.

When I was manic, everything was going my way. I was getting more sex with more different girls than anyone I knew. Some of this sex was risky. I was surronded in great stuff I had bought myself. Cool - but again reckless. I was the life of the party everywhere I went, and I'd drink myself into oblivion. Again, not so cool when you've been there and done that.

When DP began to come on, as I began to smoke weed again, more and more of it...everything changed.

I realized this rather quickly, or it probably could have gotten worse.

My depersonalization affected me really bad, my life was like a waking dream. I'd sit in my classes and feel like I was in some cosmic-waiting-room like Limbo or something. Or like I was in a TV show. The best way to describe it was like I was I would get these surreal-flashes of paralysis, where I'd feel like I was waiting....waiting for some sort of a script dealt from God. There were times when my mind would race, yes, but there were other times where I'd just blank, just complete voidness of my mind, as if I was in a vegetative state and my eyes were a video being played at me.

I finally sought help for this, people realized I had changed and they reccomended I see somebody. I will say this: when I did go in and get evaluated and spoke to a pschologist/psychiatrist it was some of the most intense DP I've ever sat through. They'd keep asking me questions about how it felt, what would happen, etc etc. I urge you, if you go in to get treated, lay down the law: tell them you know you have THIS disorder and that when you talk about it it gets worse and it starts to come on. I swear my worst DP came that day. I walked out of the office, my girlfriend looked at me and she was like are you alright and I remember in that moment having the most intense DP I've ever had. So utterly confused and whatnot.

I rejected the medicine from the doctors. 
I took some advice from online, but also customized it to myself:
I started to realize the things that weren't helping my DP:
-psychedelic things
-psychedelic music
-playing guitar crazy
-reading books
-watching tv
-smoking weed
-smoking cigarettes
-eating bad food
-meeting new people
-being in awkward social situations
-seeing my parents/family (for some reason this was a really bad catalyst for my DP)

So for 5 months, I stopped all of the above and I concentrated on what was helping my DP:
-drinking alcohol (surprisingly getting drunk in a comfortable situation was very effective)
-eating healthy
-exercising
-expressing myself in non-crazy ways (i.e. not writing a crazy mindfuck story, or not playing psychedelic riffs on guitar)
-watching shitty 90's tv and movies seemed to help alot too
-i tried my hardest not to meet new people, everytime it did it set off severe DP
-i "pretended to miss my flight home" so I wouldn't have to see my family as I knew that that set off my dP
- i got good amounts of sleep
-I got a new, more stable girlfriend who I could really connect with on a deep level

Anyways, slowly but surely it got to the point where the DP would come only once a day, once a week, once a month, then I'd think it was gone:

One day when I at Disneyland it came back a couple times, I think it was because of the weird vibes there...but other than that, I kept myself busy, and kept myself in familiar, warm situations.

And without thinking about it, I can say now that it's been at least 3 months now, without a SINGLE strong instance of DP, every now and then I get a little "flicker" or "dejavu" moment but it passes.

I'd really urge people to find out what's helping them and what's not. I saw a thread of a guy who started a garden and started motocrycling. GREAT STUFF!

I'll leave you with a couple tips I found:
-when your brain starts to race, imagine taking a pair of scissors to your thought and cutting it, and asking "when will my next thought arise?" this instantly quiets the mind
-get a pet, or a girlfriend or a boyfriend, something you can really hold and experience as a form of life, very powerful in bringing you back down to earth
-when your DP starts to get really bad, remind yourself that you are surronded by interesting people, think to yourself "i wonder what hes thinking" "i wonder what shes thinking" this really helped me get back in touch with reality and the fact that there were real people around me.
-avoid crazy stuff like movies like : waking life, inception, psychedelic music, trance music, meditation...
-be a normal boring person living a boring life and you'd be surprised how much better your DP will get


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## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

wildshoetwt said:


> After taking about 5g of Mushrooms and walking around in Vegas last summer, I emerged in what can best be describe as a state of mania. I don't know when it came on or when it ended. But I do know that as I started to smoke more and more weed following this shrooms trip, I was beginning to get more and more depersonalized.
> 
> I remember the turning point between mania and depersonzation very clearly.
> 
> ...


Thats great to hear you've recovered. I really liked the points where you said:
-get a pet, or a girlfriend or a boyfriend, something you can really hold and experience as a form of life, very powerful in bringing you back down to earth
-when your DP starts to get really bad, remind yourself that you are surronded by interesting people, think to yourself "i wonder what hes thinking" "i wonder what shes thinking" this really helped me get back in touch with reality and the fact that there were real people around me.
I think everyoneshould try to follow those two points and that would really help recovery. 
Thanks for sharing


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## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

Congratulations on the recovery.


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