# I recovered! With the help of the medication Clomipramine (Anafranil) I also met Jeff Abugel



## Spencer

After two long years of pot induced DP/DR, I finally escaped the void and regained my presence in normal reality. It's been a year since I recovered, but I just felt obligated to share my experience with you all, and hopefully be of some help. So I'll get right to it. The medication that worked for me was Clomipramine, also known by the brand name Anafranil. It is a tricyclic antidepressant. I really noticed a difference in my DP/DR at 75 mg, and then virtually total remission of all my symptoms at 100 mg. This drug does carry some hefty side effects, but if you are like I was at the time, you probably don't give a shit haha. Now just as a fair warning, this drug won't work for everyone. Everyone's DP is different. But if your DP is pot induced like mine, then I think this med could definitely work for you. If you dont have luck with Clonpramine or any of the other tricyclic antidepressants, maybe try Marplan (MAOI antidepressant). Now I don't even know if I should even be suggesting this idea but Opiates, such as oxycodon/percoset are known to be helpful with DP. (I had ACL surgery and I was perscribed Percocets. My DP was pretty much gone when I took them.) Obviously opiates are extremely addictive so be careful. But yeah Clomipramine is what worked for me. About a year ago I met Jeff Abugel, author of Feeling Unreal and Stranger To Myself. He owns a coffee shop in Virginia, which is where I found him. He's an incredibly nice person and a brilliant man. He was very interested to hear my story and wanted to help me. He recommend the medications I listed above, all of which can be found in his first book feeling unreal. I bought both of the books and I recommend you do the same.

Depersonalization disorder has been one hell of a journey. As horrible as it was, it really did give me a new perspective on reality, life and everything. I feel like a stronger and wiser person. It has even inspired me to pursue psychology as my college major.

Final note: This is something that needs to be adressed. Although you may "cure" yourself of DP entirely or almost entirely, you must realize that you are never going to be the same person you were before you had DP. I think you all know this deep down inside. With DP, you have reached the point of no return. You've seen too much. You can escape depersonalization, but you will forever have a new perspective on reality. Sort of like you've achieved enlightenment. (Not really. That would be quite an egotistical statement I guess haha) I don't believe this is a bad thing. Try to welcome this new view on things and integrate it into your life and philosophy. I wish you all the best of luck.


----------



## Hosscat

Im glad you are feeling better.

So what is your perspective on reality? If im going to be stuck thinking nothing is real and feeling alone, I don't know if I want to try anymore.


----------



## Spencer

Hosscat said:


> Im glad you are feeling better.
> So what is your perspective on reality? If im going to be stuck thinking nothing is real and feeling alone, I don't know if I want to try anymore.


No don't stop trying! You can be completly free of DP. What I meant is that you need to realize that you are always going to see things different from now on. When I got DP, I realized that reality is a just an illusion. A very persistent one. I think I stole that quote from Einstein. But once your DP goes away, you won't be constantly thinking existential thoughts. I still often ponder about that stuff, but it no longer scares me like it did when I was in the midst of DP.


----------



## Hosscat

I don't want to believe everythings an illusion. I feel like ive lost my family, I just want them back. To feel they are really there, doing there own thing. I cant stand this feeling of loss.


----------



## Victor Ouriques

It's not a matter of believing.Reality is real,otherwise you wouldn't be suffering from this shit,the pain is real.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Spencer

What I mean is that DP lets you see through all of the bullshit of everyday life. When you're DP'ed, you see reality as it truly is, stripped down to the core. No I don't believe that reality is fake, but I believe there is a much bigger picture than the illusions and trivialities of everyday life, and DP let's you see that. I don't know. I'm just trying to make something of the horrible experience that is DP.


----------



## Jonngliniak

do you feel amazing and that you can do everything you loved before


----------



## Spencer

Jonngliniak said:


> do you feel amazing and that you can do everything you loved before


Yeah totally. Life sure is easier without depersonalization. Everything is way more enjoyable. But even when I had DP I still tried to push myself to do things that I always liked doing. I encourage you to do the same. Don't let the DP win.


----------



## Jonngliniak

Thank you so much because i keep pushing myself and theirs days i feel like i dont have it and then when i get a episode i just give up. But i can tell you that hobbies ii think are so important because when i had it full blown i couldnt even do a ything or enjoy anything. But now im fighting it and my thoughts are coming back and it feels amazing to love what you do. And im also doing psychology because i want to help people once im cured from this garbage. But when you had it did you feel that when you talked to people you drifted away


----------



## Spencer

Yeah when people would talk to me it was like I was so far away from the conversation. Like my physical self was present but my mind and soul were light years away. And also if people talked to me for too long I would get thoughts like "wtf is this sound that's coming out of this persons mouth? What is speech anyways? What is communication? What is sound?????" Then they would stop talking and expect a response from me and I had know idea what they just said haha


----------



## Spencer

And when I talked it felt really weird and my voice didn't sound like my own. I also felt like I wasn't in control of what I was saying.


----------



## Jonngliniak

Are you over that


----------



## Spencer

Well when I was DP free, yes. About two months ago I was getting really tired of the side effects that this drug produces, so I decided to try stopping the medication. I was thinking "Hey maybe I'm over DP and I don't need the meds anymore." I weened myself off gradually, even so the withdrawal was terrible. But no DP. Now I'm not taking any medication. Unfortunately, since I've been off the meds, I've been having some DP off and on. When I first stopped I was fine, but maybe two weeks later, I started feeling depersonalized again. It's fairly mild compared to what it was a awhile back. And its not really constant, just kind of sporadic. Im fine one day and then I feel weird the next. It's manageable but still kind of annoying. And also the last thing I want to do is end up in DP land again. So I think I'm going to start taking the meds again soon, maybe on a lower does this time so the side effects won't be as bad.


----------



## Jonngliniak

do you have anyway i could msg you so we could chat if you didnt mind


----------



## Spencer

Yeah just click on my profile and send me a personal message


----------



## Spencer

Jonngliniak said:


> do you have anyway i could msg you so we could chat if you didnt mind


Yeah just click on my profile and send me a personal message


----------



## Voltor46

Hi Spencer, I was looking for somebody like you. The thing is that before I got DP, I loved cuestioning reality, quantum physics, films like Matrix, The Thruman Show, Level 13, etc... Also I was very interested in neurology and researchs about free will etc. I loved to believe that free will doesn't exist and that helped me a lot to be very tollerant with any kind of people. I read texts of Eisntein and Stephen Hawkin talking about it and they were agree that free will doesn't exist, and its just and ilusión. In the film Kung Fu Panda, they talk about the illusion of control, etc... and I used to love thinking about those philosofical thoughts.

When I got DP, my first impresión was like I could see or feel all those things better than ever, but, for the other hand, I was absolutly escared (terrified) about watching all those this so clear.

My EGO was dead. I used to read about the false self that ego is (Alejandro Jodorowski, Buddishm, etc) and it never was something that scared me, instead, it was something confortable and peaceful thinking before DP.

Now I am traped in DP, cause I feel, like you, that DP is more 'real' than the abstract and imaginary 'reality' were I lived before DP.

How did you manage this fealing, to feel again out of DP?

Sorry about my english level. Hope you understand me.


----------



## jodywood

After 6 years with very strong depression that nothing helps, this Clomipramine medicine saved my life. It takes more then a month to kick in and it continues to grow for full year but after you use it you fill strong and don't think about depression anymore. If you have resistant depression you must try this. It's a totally different class than the rest.


----------



## Spencer

Voltor46 said:


> Hi Spencer, I was looking for somebody like you. The thing is that before I got DP, I loved cuestioning reality, quantum physics, films like Matrix, The Thruman Show, Level 13, etc... Also I was very interested in neurology and researchs about free will etc. I loved to believe that free will doesn't exist and that helped me a lot to be very tollerant with any kind of people. I read texts of Eisntein and Stephen Hawkin talking about it and they were agree that free will doesn't exist, and its just and ilusión. In the film Kung Fu Panda, they talk about the illusion of control, etc... and I used to love thinking about those philosofical thoughts.
> 
> When I got DP, my first impresión was like I could see or feel all those things better than ever, but, for the other hand, I was absolutly escared (terrified) about watching all those this so clear.
> 
> My EGO was dead. I used to read about the false self that ego is (Alejandro Jodorowski, Buddishm, etc) and it never was something that scared me, instead, it was something confortable and peaceful thinking before DP.
> 
> Now I am traped in DP, cause I feel, like you, that DP is more 'real' than the abstract and imaginary 'reality' were I lived before DP.
> 
> How did you manage this fealing, to feel again out of DP?
> 
> Sorry about my english level. Hope you understand me.


Hey sorry I just saw this. I can totally relate with the fascination of the nature of reality. Before DP it was fun to just wonder about those deep questions. But I agree, once I had DP all that stuff scared the shit out of me. And as for how I got out of it, largely it was due to the medication I talked about. Also I dramatically changed my ways of thinking about the disorder. I think the Clomipramine gave me the leverage to do so. I just accepted depersonalization as like a revelation of the true nature of reality. I could be wrong, but I think that's exactly what DP is. An unfiltered, egoless view of reality for what it is. And since I've been out of the clutches of DP, questioning reality has actually become fun again. I'm no longer scared.


----------



## Andre

Spencer are you sure this medication can cure DP indeed? Maybe you are feeling DP free temporarily. Just a question.


----------



## jtt123

Spencer, where did you get this medicine? I noticed you're from Mass too, I'm 18 and have had chronic, pot induced dp for 7 years now. My health insurance was just recently cancelled so I don't believe I have any chance of getting this medicine, is it sold over the counter anywhere?


----------



## Doberg

Spencer said:


> No don't stop trying! You can be completly free of DP. What I meant is that you need to realize that you are always going to see things different from now on. When I got DP, I realized that reality is a just an illusion. A very persistent one. I think I stole that quote from Einstein. But once your DP goes away, you won't be constantly thinking existential thoughts. I still often ponder about that stuff, but it no longer scares me like it did when I was in the midst of DP.


DUDE!!!!!!! that's totally like me hahaha


----------



## Spencer

Andre said:


> Spencer are you sure this medication can cure DP indeed? Maybe you are feeling DP free temporarily. Just a question.


For me it really did alleviate my symptoms significantly. Like I'd say about 85%. I think the last 15% I got through due to me, not the medicine. The medicine was like the push I needed to get out the hold DP had on me. Again, this won't work with everyone. Everyone's DP is different but It is worth a try. And as long as I was on the medicine I didn't have any DP. I'm not on it now and I've been having some symptoms come back.


----------



## Spencer

jtt123 said:


> Spencer, where did you get this medicine? I noticed you're from Mass too, I'm 18 and have had chronic, pot induced dp for 7 years now. My health insurance was just recently cancelled so I don't believe I have any chance of getting this medicine, is it sold over the counter anywhere?


I'm sorry it's not available over the counter. My psychiatrist prescribed it to me.


----------



## jtt123

Oh that's too bad


----------



## bipo

Hi! I just started clomipramine 4 days ago and I don't feel anything yet. I am on 50 mg/day. Maybe it's to low dose? What do you think?


----------



## Spencer

bipo said:


> Hi! I just started clomipramine 4 days ago and I don't feel anything yet. I am on 50 mg/day. Maybe it's to low dose? What do you think?


It takes much longer than four days for it to accumulate in your system, so you probably won't feel anything for like a few weeks or a month. And I didn't really notice much of a difference until I got up to 75 mg. My regular dose was 100 mg and that was perfect. I tried 125 mg but didn't really notice much of a difference from 100 mg. Everyone reacts differently to these meds so you might need more or you might need less.


----------



## bipo

Ok thanks for your answer!


----------



## Spencer

bipo said:


> Ok thanks for your answer!


No problem. My bad I haven't been on here in months. How are things going for you now?


----------



## iregretdrugs

Hey mate, I was just wondering how you are now since coming off anafranil? or have you started taking it again?.


----------

