# Is harlotry my salvation?



## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

So, I realized something. Due to my mental problems (depression, dissociation) there's not much things I enjoy, but I found out that I am able to enjoy interaction with nice guys. I also seem to like sex, which I had for the first time recently. Also my sister says I'm less depressed when I'm with people (men). So should I become a geisha or something so that there'd be more hours in my days when I don't feel like killing myself?


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

It is my duty, my duty as a complete and utter b*****d, to say - yes.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

maria, i don't think that enjoying sex and talking to nice members of the opposite sex makes you a harlot... :lol: . if it did, there would be many more "harlots" in the world.

i think it's really good that you've found something you like...that helps you through the day. i would say that you should definately pursue it.


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## Depersonalized (Feb 11, 2005)

well if you like sex and nice guys maybe you should become a porn star


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

i don't think she'd find all that many "nice guys" in the porn industry. and _you_ aren't all that nice for suggesting she should be a porn star! :evil:


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

agentcooper said:


> i don't think she'd find all that many "nice guys" in the porn industry. and _you_ aren't all that nice for suggesting she should be a porn star! :evil:


Besides my boobs ain't big enough.


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## Axel19 (Aug 11, 2004)

You don't need big boobs to be a pornstar, you juts need to like sex and nice men.
But like Martin, it is my duty as a complete b*stard to say yes. I'd say you feel good because it is natural for people to want to be popular with the opposite sex, it forms part of our most powerful drives. Being popular with the opposite sex shows that you are functioning very well as an organism, you are ensuring the survival of your genes.


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

maria,
Sex with nice men is wonderful. Enjoy. I also prefer the company of men to women. Sex? It's been too long, sigh. Having a lover is so wonderful, it sustains you, it does. One who's DECENT. I wonder about Martin, LOL.

And Axel is correct. It is an unstoppable part of who we are. It indicates there is health in you.

Nurture what is good.

You do not have to be a geisha, LOL. :shock:


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

Dreamer said:


> maria,
> Sex with nice men is wonderful. Enjoy. I also prefer the company of men to women. Sex? It's been too long, sigh. Having a lover is so wonderful, it sustains you, it does. One who's DECENT. I wonder about Martin, LOL.
> 
> And Axel is correct. It is an unstoppable part of who we are. It indicates there is health in you.
> ...


Yeah, since I've finally found something which I somewhat enjoy it helps to get through each day .. though it's only good when I'm in the same physical space with the person, when they're (I'm using plural but there's only one special person right now..) not around, I'm sure they hate me and will never contact me again, and anxiously wait their call...or even if they leave the room I sink back into my hell hole, until they return...I don't know what that's about. It feels pretty crazy. Also I feel like Paris Hilton since the only thing I like doing is men, apparently.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Geez, i've been doing all sorts of shit to work on myself and recover, and STILL the only thing I think about is men! It's a lovely distraction! I have had some fun (and some horrible) dating experiences in the last few years, but it does help to be at least interacting with people, and you will learn from your experiences with men as well as others...anything, ANYTHING to get you out of the house is in order.

AS LONG as you do it safely. I'm not one to swear by that myself, but i hope to god i will the next time I'm in a...situation. Go to the doctor (that will get you out of the house too) and talk about birth control options, make funny jokes about the shape of diaphragms, get some info, learn about your body and be armed and ready.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Also, bear in mind that Martin and Axel fall outside of the "nice guys" category, so take extra care in your selections :twisted:


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## Axel19 (Aug 11, 2004)

Person 3, I agree with everything you have said, especially the part about Martin and I not being nice guys.
Seriously I'm probably not a very nice guy when it comes to women, and from what I've read, I dont' think Martin is either.
I'm just so God damned horny lately. I haven't the slightest interest in getting to know someone, finding love, cuddling etc, I just want sex. The triuble is that you usually have to do all of the former before you can get sex. I'm not always like this of course, I just need to purge myself for a year or two.
My point is though, men are bastards but you have to take it in your stride. I know it's hard, but don't let yourself get too carried away until you know that he is a good person who has the qualities you like, and is willing to love you. My cousin got married the other day to an aboslutely wonderful man. It was obvious that he would be sickeningly in love with her for the rest of their lives, and they are both very lucky to have one another. 
There are really decent blokes out there, and then there are people like me. Whilst I do not go out of my way to hurt girls, and will do everything in my power to avoid doing so, I am, by nature, a b*stard. A b*stard is a guy who does not actually enjoy female company very much, but loves sex, and loves male comapny where he can be talk like the a-moral sod that he is. 
Ok I'm not quite that bad, I do like _some_ female company a great deal, and when a respect a female as a friend in the same way I do a man, then sex no longer seems like the trivial act it is with other girls.
Maria, my advice is be smart and toughwhen it comes to men. Women can be just as powerful as men in a relationship. Be competetive with him until you are sure he is a sound person. 
In the meantime, don't forget about the desperately horny souls such as myself.


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

Axel, lololol

Well, if you have insight into "the bastard that you are" perhaps you aren't all bad.

And as women find out over time ... an old saying "A good man is hard to find, a hard man is good to find." 8)

Axel I've also forgotten your age. It seems women start hitting their sexual peak in their forties. Men are running rampant really in their youth.

What scares me about the "dating scene" is I am tempted at times simply to seek out a sexual encounter -- are STDs. And as someone mentioned, maria, be careful. I wouldn't want it to be a one night stand though, but if it were agreed upon that it was a sexual thing more than anything else, well sometimes I get fired up.

And with a women, you've got to keep the fires burning or they start burning out ... especially on meds and with this infernal DP and anxiety, depression, etc. This can happen with men though as well.

But for me, really, having a monogamous lover is most comforting. And it's really been a VERY long time. It does sustain one, emotionally. No doubt about it.

And what I do like are men who are kind, but who are also agressive. I don't mind a horny guy, lol. I'd rather he knows what he wants, than being tentative and unsure.

It's difficult to find all this. And I feel old. But I know of people who have found this love and sex in their 50s or 60s, so I haven't given up completely.

I so miss my youth. The good stuff that is long gone. The men no longer available. And my problems which kept me from reaching out more.

Axel if you are young... your POV may change over time. But don't lose that :twisted: in you. I'd say most women really love sex ... the deal is, we need to feel comfortable before we can let loose. If men could understand that, they'd be happy as clams. Ever hear a clam complain?

:wink:

And maria, I hate the word harlot. You aren't a harlot. Here's that stereotype again. It's OK for men to be endlessly horny -- well becuase that's their "job". And women to be picky. That's our job.

I can't imagine being a prostitute for instance. Having sex and feeling NOTHING for the man. I hate to say this, but I'd think it would be physically painful, if I may say so. I don't get it. And emotionally painful as well.

Lonely in the Great Lakes State. :roll: 
D


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## Jack30 (Apr 27, 2006)

Maria...I'm sorry. I know you intended for your inquiry to be serious, but can you fault me for finding it f*cking hilarious? 

But to answer your question...Go ahead. Do what makes you happy. And BTW...even if you are in a place where no one "special" is available, there are plenty of men out there who are willing to go down on you for seven or eight hours a day, no strings attached.

and

"Person 3, I agree with everything you have said, especially the part about Martin and I not being nice guys."

THAT is funny.


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

Jack30 said:


> Maria...I'm sorry. I know you intended for your inquiry to be serious, but can you fault me for finding it f*cking hilarious?


I prefer fun to serious. My inquiry was serious in the sense that is there anything besides sex keeping me from "you know whatting myself" and if not, how screwed up am I. But I'm not seriously considering to become a prostitute- although I just got sacked from my house cleaning job after five days. Maybe I shouldn't have worn clothes.


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## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

i seem to destroy any kind of chances with women this seems to be a major problem for me,i know i do it,and i know why i do it.......... only the other day a girl approched me on her own and we got chatting and everything was going fine and then i suddenly switched to not giving a shit and the result was that she thought i was being rude,but yeh i suppose i was being rude but here was this lovely looking girl who took the time out to get to know me and i turned from mr nice into mr nasty for no other reason that i just wanted to destroy any kind of closeness,this seems to happen quite alot i get very cynical when it comes to women


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

I just posted to say I had sex with one guy this morning and then with another guy in the afternoon and didn't even shower in between. If that's not slutty I don't know what is. Maybe I have a problem, I don't know if it's right to use sex as medication for anxiety. But at least they've been tested and don't have STDs (and both knew about each other, so maybe they're sluts also).


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## +[ thedeadpoet ]+ (Jul 23, 2006)

maria said:


> I don't know if it's right to use sex as medication for anxiety.


I'm even considering cocaine at this stage. Its been so overwhelming these past few months that I cant even talk to my family.

Pfft...I wouldn't have a clue wheither sex is effective against anxiety, as I havent been able to perform since this came about. How f.ucking depressing.


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

thedeadpoet said:


> maria said:
> 
> 
> > I don't know if it's right to use sex as medication for anxiety.
> ...


I've many times considered illegal drugs too, but I haven't had neither opportunities nor guts to try them, but I'm pretty sure they would only make things worse, but still I'd like to get away from all this.. I'm often too tired to talk with anyone.


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## +[ thedeadpoet ]+ (Jul 23, 2006)

I've self medicated with it in the past (albeit rarely) but it'll definitely make your depression worse in the long term. It brought me back to normal though...I never went beyond that, but it was literal bliss to be reaquainted with *me* again. To be enjoyed and not tolerated, even loved at times.

Anyway, I understand not being able to talk. Its not a matter of want, but strictly ability. I cant comprehend anything as of late. People speak to me and I just cant grasp the point. Its awful.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

Dead Poet, about the performance thing. Just practice a lot by yourself and watch porn to feel more comfortable with sex. Can't hurt. I've talked to guys and asked them where they learned to do certain things, and they say from porn, lol. Just a suggestion.

It seems a lot of people can only have sex when they're messed up, on drugs or alcohol. It's an interesting phenomenon. Anyway, I'm sure we'll all find love eventually and find some way out of the hellhole pit of anxiety we're in.

And ps- I too have used sex as a way of self medicating against anxiety. It's like for 30 minutes you get out of your head and are completely focused on the physical for that moment and it's great. But I don't do it anymore and I don't do drugs/get drunk anymore so I have to find new cures for my anxiety.


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## californian (Jul 24, 2006)

great recommendations from some of the guys, :roll: come on, hasn't anyone seen "boogie nights"?

obviously, drugs and sex probably can help in the short term, but you really have to weigh that against long term issues. drinking the morning after a hangover gets rid of the symptoms for a while, but it actually lengthens the time your body is hung over.

doing things that can create greater anxiety or depression down the road is risky, because anxiety and depression can both aggravate dp/dr.


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2007)

How's the sex life maria?  :wink:  In my eyes, if women can be stated as being "slags" so "should" men. Have fun and enjoy life but be safe!


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

Emulated Puppet}eer said:


> How's the sex life maria?  :wink:  In my eyes, if women can be stated as being "slags" so "should" men. Have fun and enjoy life but be safe!


Nah, I quit having sex.. I found out it's crap with someone you don't care that much about. And when you do care about someone, they don't feel the same way, but are still willing to have sex with you, and that's also not fun in the long run. So instead of becoming a harlot I will join a convent.


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2007)

maria said:


> Emulated Puppet}eer said:
> 
> 
> > How's the sex life maria?  :wink:  In my eyes, if women can be stated as being "slags" so "should" men. Have fun and enjoy life but be safe!
> ...


*rubs head*? you quit having sex? That?s the first time I've heard a human say that? lol, but you do have a point? maybe I?m not enjoying it all that much with the girl I?m with because I only care about her as a friend? So you?re an women of god now? What is he like in bed? =P

What?s wrong with being a harlot? I would love to be one, but I guess that?s because my mates would cheer me? not frown at me? =S


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Dear Maria, 
I don't know if you are joking, whether you think ill of yourself and come to this conclusion...but there is a very big difference between dating and enjoying sex, and harlotry. Are you from a religious background? I mean, whether sex is harlotry or not depends a lot on circumstances. I would even say that promiscuity (due to desire to reach out and feel loved) is not even as bad as the concept of selling your body to strangers for money.

Just be careful, don't let people use you. Choose people who actually care about you, even if you are only having sex with them as a friend, rather than a true lover.

Also, if you have fantasies about being used as a sex object, do it with someone who actually cares about you as a game, don't do it for real. There is a difference.
Rozanne


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2007)

miss_starling said:


> Just be careful, don't let people use you. Choose people who actually care about you, even if you are only having sex with them as a friend, rather than a true lover.


I agree with this... it's bang out to be used, so only go into this if you are both "using" each other on the same level... although it maybe different with you being female and all because "some" females seem to prefer "emotion" sex... which is fair enough


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## Pollyanna 3098 (Dec 12, 2006)

Maybe you are just more comfortable with men, its understandable :wink:

3098


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## Guest (Feb 4, 2007)

Pollyanna 3098 said:


> Maybe you are just more comfortable with men, its understandable :wink:
> 
> 3098


That's true, and after being with me... you'd be "really" comfortable


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

miss_starling said:


> Dear Maria,
> I don't know if you are joking, whether you think ill of yourself and come to this conclusion...but there is a very big difference between dating and enjoying sex, and harlotry. Are you from a religious background? I mean, whether sex is harlotry or not depends a lot on circumstances. I would even say that promiscuity (due to desire to reach out and feel loved) is not even as bad as the concept of selling your body to strangers for money.
> 
> Just be careful, don't let people use you. Choose people who actually care about you, even if you are only having sex with them as a friend, rather than a true lover.
> ...


No, I don't really mean that women who have a lot of sex are whores, or that men who have a lot of sex are amazing studs...the thought of selling myself for money has popped in my mind when I've felt that it's the only useful thing I could do for money, but that's just a depressed self-pity thought.

I'm not from a religious background, but probably the general attitude towards sex makes me call myself a whore (as a joke) if I sleep with more than 1 guy in a year.

I haven't had sex with "just a friend", I've had sex with men who like me but whom I don't like that much and men who I like a lot but who don't like me enough. It's better with the latter group (not that there's enough of them to make a football team) but it leaves you just as empty, to be melodramatic.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

> ...the thought of selling myself for money has popped in my mind when I've felt that it's the only useful thing I could do for money, but that's just a depressed self-pity thought.


Not as a criticism, but you are seriously low on self-confidence. I have had similar thoughts but more because I didn't know how to break out of the cycle of abuse...I didn't seriously consider being a prostitute but entertained the thought because, strangely enough, considering it as a profession makes abuse seem like a choice!



> I haven't had sex with "just a friend", I've had sex with men who like me but whom I don't like that much and men who I like a lot but who don't like me enough.


Well, I'm sorry Maria, but I think that is really sad. I have don't the same on many occasions. Most of them, I'm not that bothered about because at the time I was just young, unloved and desperate and made a lot of misjudgements. That's very much in the past and I wouldn't do that again. But the one that I feel _really _ bad about was fooling around with someone I wasn't attracted to recently. I simply can't forgive myself.

I suppose that when you sleep with people who you aren't serious about one person is always going to like the other more, and it's not like you can even let go because you don't have feelings for each other.

I would go as far as recommending sticking to particular friends, although that is very unfulfilling as well.

The only real solution is to get a boyfriend who loves you and wants to treat you with respect. Then sex can be a positive experience that increases your integrity rather than taking it away.


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## Guest (Feb 4, 2007)

miss_starling said:


> The only real solution is to get a boyfriend who loves you and wants to treat you with respect.


Yeah, that was once me? then she screwed me over and made me the person I am today? If you do go for a boyfriend who loves and respects you, be sure you?re able to return the favour or you will turn him into a prick who may disrespect women and use them, and you?ll also be classed as being a ?snake with tits?

Vicious circles: don?t you just love them.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

I meant it in the mutual way Darren. I mean, what value could a person get from being treated with respect by someone they didn't respect?

It would negate itself.


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## Guest (Feb 5, 2007)

miss_starling said:


> I meant it in the mutual way Darren. I mean, what value could a person get from being treated with respect by someone they didn't respect?
> 
> It would negate itself.


You have a point, the girl i'm "seeing" at the moment really respects me a lot, but i don't respect her... so *shakes head*... it's pointless. 
Thanks for writing that, I need to hear that kind of thing to make me more self aware.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Darren, I feel like a witch for telling people what to do, but from one friend to another, let her go. It won't do you any good to use her. In the end she will hate you for it, assuming she doesn't already harbour hard feelings that she is too afraid to express. It's very frustrating, unrequited love of any kind. That includes respect, affection, friendship, all of it. Don't be a bastard, the world has enough of those already. There is a shortage of good men. And I'm sorry but your snakes with tits theory doesn't justify it. Be nice and you'll find a nice woman soon enough.


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## Guest (Feb 5, 2007)

The only person I can truly trust with my emotions is myself, yet I do not love myself? having said that? I do not hate myself? I guess I just don?t know myself? All I know is being touched by another human being ?helps? me feel alive? I?ll place the cards down on the table; I do not enjoy sex, my ex from four years ago, I was in love with her but when I made love with her? I didn?t feel anything warm? The only part I enjoyed was the hugs as I do in the relationship I?m in at the moment.


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## Guest (Feb 5, 2007)

Maybe the hugs have something to do with my twin sister, I spend the first nine months of my life together with her... now we're so apart... tears have started to be cried... so it must be linked with my sister.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

You are so sweet, I can't stop myself from thinking it. But you need to tell your friend that you don't want to have sex anymore.


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## Guest (Feb 5, 2007)

Be that direct? Is there no other way I could come down slowly to ease the damage? I want (yes I?m selfish) to stay friends with her.


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