# after 8 years, now FULLY recovered - my story.



## herenow (Nov 6, 2007)

I didn't ever know about or see this site before yesterday, it was total chance when i was looking up buying fish oil, although i am liking the coinsidence and timing of this.

hello,

im comfortable with my perspective about the condition and understanding the process that i took to resolve it, so maybe there will be something in it for someone else. everything is totally true. but true for ME. there is no point arguing, it doesnt have to work or be true for you. and that really is the key to it all.....whats true for you. well its really being able to stop and listen to yourself. Everything you get told and know is from other people...parents,teachers, tv, friends....and sure its obviously useful and necessary, but actually being able to really hear what YOU think, that is something else.
Once you do its the most useful skill you can ever have, in life and also for looking at depersonization, as its the anchor that you can caste to feel grounded secure and real. Its also your bull##it detector, that you can use for : deciding usefulness of your meds or supplements, for other peoples intentions and advice, everything you read on the internet and about your illness. You can go through and pick out the things that are right for you....and there is a lot of garbage written, especiality about spirituality.
Coming across spirituality is unavoidable when you are considering depersonalization as you are questioning the nature of self. I have no history of being religious or spiritual, infact i was quite sneering about weird new age cranks.....and i still am.....as what ive found is that if people seem to be full of crap then they are. If someone seems like a crank then they are.....I am now alot more aware, and do know that there is a difference between the physical self and higher conscious (weather you decide there is or not is up to you, expecting that everyone is able to experience and comprehend the same things is ludicrious...i know its true, and thats enough). Is as scary ,laughable. awsome or normal as you make it...its just how it is. So honestly those new agey cranks still annoy me, as i know that carrying on like that is just going to alienate people and is totally unnecessary for something that just is.

some peole just are more able to relate and experience their higher consciouness. Peoples thought processes and abilities are all different...not everyone can do the same art or write the same music...people are made up different, and the ability to tap into your higher consciousness is just another extencion of that idea. Its not something you may ever notice or even ever have...or it may be happening and causing you problems as you refuse not to recognize or accept it....and thats what happened wth me. For years I felt both that i could think very clearly and with ease and have huge outbursts of creative thought but then trying to express it physically...writing or words was soooo slow. it lead to a great deal of frustration and depression as i just felt useless. I wasnt really here, i was here...i could talk and respond, make little jokes, do a job...but i wasnt really here. I thought i was depressed and got depression meds ( I probably was depressed, but it was a result of not feeling here, not the cause of it). 
Ive considered how to write what i know in a way that people who are (understandably) scared off by what they know as 'spirituality' will give it some thought. i dont think i can as trying to explain it in a phsical sence is impossible as its not that to lend itself to being described.......so at that end, its ok. Carry on like you are, listen to yourself, see what you need, get some exercise to be more in touch with your body.
If you are more open to it being not just physical (and i really cant see the downside to even trying) then look into how to close/balance your link to your higher consciousness. often it gets blocked by too much time spent meditating ( dont do too much meditation based yoga unless you are really committed to learning all about it or it will probably make you worse), or too too many drugs,or a traumatic expreience...whatever. Just listen to yourself and learn when its appropriate to be more physically grounded.

You are both, so the physical bdy cant be ignored at all...the whole point about depersonalization is that you dont feel 'there' physically. Hatha yoga that is just conserned with the body and stretching (not spirituality) is good, but so is running, weight training...anything seriously physical.

Im doing great now...i feel alive, im really here. I dont just have the autopilot machine running. im in the driving seat. sex feels incredible now,things are more real. i notice more, experience more...and really experiencing is the whole point of even having a physical body.
it can be amazing again...............

ill reply to any questions about my experience, but dont care if you believe all , some or none of it so i have no interest in getting into arguments as i know its all true so i dont care.....

thanks so much for reading
m


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## Guest (Nov 6, 2007)

Could you elaborate a little bit what you mean with "higher consciousness".
Consciousness is physical too, it's your brain and nervous system...

Think you are confusing "consciousness" withsome thing non physical, nothing non physical can interact with physical.
I think you mean "trapped in your mind" and being PRESENT in the physical body?


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## herenow (Nov 6, 2007)

the body and actions, processes that happen are physical and i agree the consciousness in the way you are meaning is physical. i liken it to a computer in that way: it responds,runs different things at once, A.I in games does adapt to the player and its plugged into the electricity for 'fuel' to make it all work... the body and thought process is a huge scale example of that. Where i knoe its a never ending argument, (as i used to not believe this either) is that until you are aware of the compleate infinite and connected consciousness that things come from its impossable to comprehend in a linear way. The reason is this.
everything has its opposite, the physical world...everything is made of oposing forces. (atoms, molecules, birth/decay...etc etc) its these boundaries that make it possible to define and know anything. If there was no opposing side, its inconsievable in a physical sence.
thats the reason for a physical self, to give boundaries and a marking in time that starts and stops to experience within. The physical consciousness is born out of infinite consciousness in order to give it boundaries and enable experience. It does exist and in that way i agree with you about consciousness being a physical process. but its not the whole story.
but i dont think it matters if you dont feel that too, infact that you have a definite point of view and know how you feel is preferable to vague enlightenment tail chasing and wanting something else to sort out you problems.......hmmm ha. you dont need me to patronize you and i think it might come off like that.
anyway, thanks for the reply.
m


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## Guest (Nov 7, 2007)

there is no such thing as infinite consciousness lol consciousness is something evolved from mammals...

this forum is full of nutjob wtf


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## herenow (Nov 6, 2007)

If you were totally sure of everything you know there would be no need to have a childish freakout when someone knows something you dont, as it wouldnt matter. I know that what i know is true, and its not for you....thats fine.
thou why you react so badly and seem so concerned that people dont agree with you comes off as really insecure.....and isnt security and certainty the answer to derealization? your reaction just means you havent recovered.


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## christodenisto2 (Oct 13, 2007)

hello,

All I can tell from my last two years of new age soul searching is that 99% of the people who talk about infinite consciousness manifesting as form, eternal Spirit, past-lives etc have NEVER directly experienced these things.

Rather, they have heard about these concepts and read them in self-help books and eventually they take them as fact. Then they begin to claim they are 'manifesting' things in their life whenever they get a new boyfriend or buy a new car etc.

I can see why Copeful would be frustrated. How can he tell if you are one of the 99% who makes extravagant claims without proof, or one of the remaining few who actually has experienced bizarre spiritual experiences?


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## Guest (Nov 11, 2007)

herenow said:


> If you were totally sure of everything you know there would be no need to have a childish freakout when someone knows something you dont, as it wouldnt matter. I know that what i know is true, and its not for you....thats fine.
> thou why you react so badly and seem so concerned that people dont agree with you comes off as really insecure.....and isnt security and certainty the answer to derealization? your reaction just means you havent recovered.


Just here, it's like "i know it to be true" "it's not true for you". it's like saying 2+2 = 4 for me but 2+2 = 58 for you, fuck man. truth is objective facts.
You have brainwashed urself to the degree where u misinterpert experiences as something different than what they are.
And definately 99% just talk out of their ass of what they've heard to be true, like the incredibly famous bullshit myth "we only use 10% of our brains" almost EVERYONE take this as fact, eventhough EVERY scientist and doctor ever says its a myth and we use 100%.
And the 1% who has seen, experienced, felt something they thought was unnatural can be explained by natural causes, schizophrenia, delusional disorder, massive power of suggestion, panic attacks, drugs etc etc etc.

I'm glad your cured and all, but, if u believe consciousness is something else but your brain, your deluded.
If you'd like to stay deluded, thats fine.
I'm just saying, PLEASE MOTHERFUCKERS STOP PUTTING OUT THIS CRAP ON A MENTAL _HEALTH_ FORUM.
You are advocating what is called STRAIGHTUP delusional thinking, go to http://www.godhatefags.com or someshit where you can go and be crazy with like minded people.
this forum is for people with a disorder that makes you doubt reality and wanting to get your brain healhty so you can percieve truth and reality. 
So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop talking about bullshit spiritual shit that's been disproven 50 years ago. Please wakeup.
I can see you were weak and its easy to fall for these "escapes from harsh reality" but, it doesn't make it true, not even "to you". it only proves your far from recovered, your delusional

Everything there is to know about consciousness can be explained with brain anotomy. Seriously.
Sorry there is no soul, this life is your first and last, the only ONE SHOT YOU GOT.

Past lives, afterlife, reincarnation, rebirt, karma, chakras, soul, "energy(lol)", tarot, psychic abilities etc. DO NOT FUCKNG EXIST. 
IF IT DID, EVERY FUCKN SCIENTIST IN THE UNIVERSE would study it.
get it? 
ITS A FUCKN BUSINESS AND CONTROL SYSTEM, IT HAS BEEN SINCE DAY ONE.

I can see your a newage stolen myths from hinduism/buddhism kinda style.
I bet you love Sathya Sai Baba worlds most famous spiritual guru, who claims he's God, has been exposed thousands of times with his famous lame magic tricks of "manifesting "holy" ashes to the poor and fake jewelry to the rich" and he also love to fuck children


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## herenow (Nov 6, 2007)

wow , i really hit a nerve! you have really outdone yourself with childish tantrums.
it must be pretty hectic being you, most of your post was talking about things i never said, (10% of brain..a 'god hate **** site'...wtf??? ) just things that you hate......i really hope you mange to deal with your anger, focus on yourself rather than frustrating over other people and recover.


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## Guest (Nov 12, 2007)

Dude im not mad(i cant feel anger), I'm just trying to help people like you unerstand reality so you can cope with it and not fall into states like DPDR where u retreat from REALITY and fall for all foolishnes.
I'm Glad your recovered trust me, I'm happy for you and glad u come back to share and spread hope, just not spread bullshit alright?


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## kwaa (Nov 29, 2007)

Copeful said:


> Everything there is to know about consciousness can be explained with brain anotomy. Seriously.


First of all, I consider myself a healthy sceptic. But dude, you seem pretty sure about this brain stuff... Why are you? Could you point me in the direction of some scientific proof that consciousness is only a product of the brain?

Sure, consciousness is no doubt RELATED to the brain (take psychoactive drugs or hit your head with a hammer, and experience for yourself), but reductionist materialism (the view that you seem to support) has never been proven, it is just a theory among countless others.

I've read lots about this (often related to my own DP/DR episodes) and taken Cognitive Science 101 at Uni, and the first things you learn is that while lots have been discovered about the mechanisms of consciousness and perception, the jury's still out on just what consciousness IS, and where it actually comes from. The same actually goes for our memory. It has never ever been located in the brain, studies on rats showed that it seems to be "everywhere and nowhere" as their memories persisted following different surgical brain procedures.

The only thing neurologists can study is neural correlation, we can observe that stimulating a specific area of the brain triggers certain reactions, conscious and unconscious, and locate different centers of brain function, but that's pretty much everything we KNOW.

There is absolutely no scientific proof that consciousness is purely biological and an emergent property of the brain, and not connected to anything else but its physical structures. There are several theories out there, "spiritual" ones and "physical" ones like the one you present, electromagnetic theories and quantum mechanical theories. Just the fact that there are so many theories out there and that there's a huge part of philosophy called philosophy of mind should convince you that there's no reason to be so sure.

It is my opinion that if you consider yourself a scientific-minded sceptic, you should seriously reconsider your view on consciousness and accept where science actually stands today. Read more about it before trying to convince others. There's even emerging evidence that consciousness may not depend on the brain at all, in the field of near death studies. Very interesting stuff.

Some reading material to tickle your brain cells:
http://www.aleroy.com/wildcard/
http://www.iands.org/index2.php?option= ... &Itemid=84
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophy_of_mind
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_probl ... sciousness
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neural_correlate
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_mind
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electromag ... sciousness

Sorry if I come across as arrogant here, but I get kinda annoyed when I see people like you seeming absolutely sure about something so uncertain, almost reminds me of religious fundamentalists.


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## Muutosjahdissa (Nov 9, 2007)

Great post Kwaa. I agree with you in many things. And with Herenow as well. My own "search" has had different phases. Like many others, I got interested in spiritual stuff because I felt I was somehow lost and out of place. There was a honeymoon phase at first, when I thought I saw spirituality everywhere and I thought I had realised something big that many people could never understand. After a while I kinda overdosed with all this stuff and wanted to put my feet back to the ground, start living a "normal" life again where everything was not so mystical.

Right now I'm kinda living between these two. I do have a strong sense of spiritual things and I've had many experiences that cannot be explained by science, but at the same time I strongly want to live in THIS reality, live THIS life in THIS body to the fullest. I realise that no matter how deep I dig myself into the hole of "soul searching", there's no way I'll ever understand the big picture. I try to keep my eyes open and every time something "mystical" happens I think "Wow, that's cool" but don't stop wondering about it too much because it just messes my small mind. I've seen many people who dive head first to the world of spirituality and lose the light in their eyes because everything becomes so damn serious and "enlightment" or whatever becomes the only thing that matters.

My point is that I hate all the black/white discussion where people try to convince others that their believes are the only right ones, it doesn't matter if it's the supporters of science or religious hypocrites. These things may go hand in hand as well, we just need to take our heads out of our ugly asses. Discussion is good but don't pretend you've got the absolute truth because you most probably don't.


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## Corduroy28 (Jun 21, 2007)

christodenisto2 said:


> hello,
> 
> All I can tell from my last two years of new age soul searching is that 99% of the people who talk about infinite consciousness manifesting as form, eternal Spirit, past-lives etc have NEVER directly experienced these things.
> 
> ...


Herenow isn't preaching to you on how to overcome DP/DR, if you'd read her post she simply stated what worked for her, and what might work for you. Unfortunately for you, due to either closed-mindedness or illiteracy, you were unable to see that and decided to make a post criticizing her on her lack of credibility. Who cares? if you guys disagree with her thats fine, you aren't obligated to believe her, no one is. This is an open forum where all voices are equal, its not your job to tell other people that they are wrong.


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2007)

99% haven't experienced shit, the last 1% has some form of mental illness...(matches up with the percentage of schizophrenics: 1% of the population) 
it's funny how we all agree paranoid schizophrenics or hallucinating is delusions but if someone hallucinate jesus it's a miracle.


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## Muutosjahdissa (Nov 9, 2007)

It seems to me that copeful has been reading some other forum and is answering here. Who mentioned Jesus in this discussion?


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## present (Dec 6, 2007)

Hey herenow. Really a great post. I hope you are not turned away from this site because of the ridiculous response from copeful who clearly has projected stuff onto you out of nowhere. 
I have a few comments:
-First of all, I think it is great that you are posting this without giving unsolicited advice or preachiness (which makes copefuls response even more difficult to comprehend). you state very clearly that this is what is true for you and may not be true for others.
-incidentally, there is a great psychologist who started what is now known as "client-centered" therapy. Very well respected and published. There is a great book he wrote which has become the precursor for most humanistic therapists called "On Becoming A Person". Dont get turned off by the title. It is not "touchy-feely" or one of those self-help books. But the way you wrote your post just reminds me of his writing.

-I think that what unfortunately happens, for me at least, with "depersonalization" or whatever the f you want to call it, is that there is a disconnectedness from my "real" thoughts. I call it living in LALA land. This is often times confused with spirituality or enlightenment and that is why I completely agree with you that Yoga or Meditation is probably a bad idea for those of us with this condition as it often times facilitates a "split" between our mind and body (although I am sure that there are those who would argues otherwise)
-As our thoughts become alligned with our feelings and bodies, to me, there is a greater sense of spirituality that indeed exists and only touches on our sense of "higher consiousness".
-I have experienced this (obviously before I went numb) which is why it is and has been so difficult for me to accept this emotional, spiriitual, and physical numbing.
-It is great to hear of a recovery story where, for example, I can look forward to life not as a robot but as a person who loves sex, sports, reading, music, philosophy, etc. 
Thanks again. Would love to hear from you if you want to chat about life or philosophy or whatever.
Peace


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## herenow (Nov 6, 2007)

thanks present, sorry this reply is such a long time after.
I wasnt turnd away from the site. I just felt i had said all i wanted and was repeating myself. Ive also just been having some time of not having to really think about dp etc...anymore and just been getting on with living with how things are now.


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