# Messed up



## Inflammed (Aug 10, 2004)

Anyone have the impression that all that DP/DR problem messed up their life ?

I stopped school after high-school...I was too DP to sit in a chair during more than 1 hour.

I have no friends 'caus I don't have the strenght or energy to maintain good relationships.

I have a job I find boring (not so bad) but still boring and without any great future in that feild 'caus I havent got any diplomas.

I don't do much activities 'caus I feel to weird to have a schedule like each Monday night at 7pm...or night classes...I never know how I'm going to feel so I don't make plans.

When I think about it...it feels like my whole life has been teared down by DP/DR. That where I'm at now is only the result of DP/DR decisions...

I always have to go home...after work...after anyhting I feel I need to go home and be in MY things...but once I get there...I feel swallowed by the lack of energy and I loose all my will to do anything else.

Anyone have that feeling that their entire life is ruled by DP/DR ?


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## Digitalbath (Aug 13, 2004)

i feel you too. dp has changed my entire life totally--- i failed my subjects in school--- the only friends i have are the friends that i had before i had dp, after that, friends are just very hard for me, like i cannot get new relationships.--- and my brain just cannot concentrate and i seem not to care for conversations anymoe- i seldom talk to anybody, except when they initiate conversation--- ur not alone man.


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## Inflammed (Aug 10, 2004)

I don't think I let the DP/DR control my life...I'm trying to live with it.
And some activities are almost impossible to accomplish when you're in a deep DP/DR state.
Like I said...for me sitting in a classroom for 1 hour in the afternoon is almost impossible.

I often feel like a freak...a looner.
Everything that I like is unknown to all people I know and knew.
The music I like, the actvities I do, the words I speak and the meaning of a relationship for me.
I feel alone on my planet...I know I'm not but it's how I feel most of the time.

Everything I do is calculated...the way I eat...not too much, plenty of proteins.
When I do sport it's the same...I have to find the balance in everything.
The hours I sleep are very important too.

I'm fighting against something that I cannot kill...I can only build up an army so strong and without any weak points that this beast will be scared of me !

Yes all this DP/DR messed up my life but it also brought some light in it...
I would not be the man I am today without it.
I would not take care of myself like I do now.

My father is diabetic and my mother always says that it was a way his body found to make hime realise that he had to take care of himself.


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## Blake (Aug 10, 2004)

just chiming in to say that you are not alone, brozeph.

you sound exactly like me 3 years ago, as i realized what dp/dr was and the scope of it. i.e. how far it would reach into my life. it is not a life sentence, by any means. I have literally said the same things when I was learning how to deal with these feelings...

"I often feel like a freak...a looner. 
Everything that I like is unknown to all people I know and knew. 
The music I like, the actvities I do, the words I speak and the meaning of a relationship for me. 
I feel alone on my planet...I know I'm not but it's how I feel most of the time. "

you feel like suddenly your mind opened up into its own galaxy and youre right in the middle of it, totally alone. you are not alone, you FEEL alone, but you are not. you are here with us on this planet.

it sounds badass though, some of the things you said.

"I'm fighting against something that I cannot kill...I can only build up an army so strong and without any weak points that this beast will be scared of me !

I would not be the man I am today without it"

I accepted at one point that I have for whatever reason, encountered a beast that I must defeat ON MY OWN.

Yes, your family can support you in your fight, and friends can give you a place to vent, but the ultimate truth is that noone may EVER know the extent of your battle. A sad/scary thought, but it makes the struggle and the outcome that much more important. I know even my own family knows so little of my now almost 4-year struggle. Its the nature of the beast, my friend.

I dont know, a cheesy go for it post from me. Your post just reminded me 2001-era me. keep trucking,
blake


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## Guest (Aug 19, 2004)

its doin a good job of fuckin up my life right now

or maybe im fuckin up my own life?

in any case, my life is FUCKIN FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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