# My Cruddy Depersonalisation



## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

I'm 16 and I have had this DP and DR for about four months. And it has been the most horrible 4 months of my life. It's like I am happy one moment and crying the next  I basically got this from Panic Disor and high stress levels. The first like month month or so I have had this I had agoraphobia then it just starting getting worse as if I was a robot I coundn't even recognize my voice. It's scary as crap. Oh my god!!! But then I was put in a day treatment program and I was getting better for the second and third month I have had this then all of a sudden my panic and Dp/DR had been getting worse again and now I am not sure if I can take another day of this. The only time I felt some relief was taking Ativan when I was at the ER for the first month. My medications I am on are klonopin 0.5 twice a day,trazadone 100mg,imipramine 50mg, and yeah that's what I'm taking and it ain't working. Is there anyway I can keep it from getting even worse I am distracting myself most of the day,sleeping,exercising,eating healthy, and taking fish oil supplements oh ya n I've been greeting weird visual symptoms of DR and see things moving and I think I have Vertigo!!! So tired of this crap everyday... Gosh!!!!


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

Welcome, DreamyLife. I was just like you. And let me tell you... You're not doing anything wrong. If anything, you're making your recovery come faster. Just because you don't feel it now does not mean it doesn't go away. IT DOES. All this is, is a symptom of anxiety. And from what I'm hearing from your post, you have a whole lot of it. So did I. I got put on Citalopram a few months ago and was just prescribed the same dose as Klonopin as you. Don't be discouraged. Both medications take time to heal you. Klonopin you feel right away but it doesn't stay in the system for a calm effect 24/7 until you've been taking it for awhile. And I promise... PROMISE, PROMISE PROMISE, that once your mind calms down, your brain will realize it does not have to be on high alert all the time. Since I have relaxed, I have actually been able to obtain my emotions. I feel love for my boyfriend again and I wake up with a big smile. I look forward to my days again. It means the DR is lifting. Don't be scared that because you've had it for 4 months, there's something wrong with you and it will take years to go away. You have to stop watching yourself. Just relax, embrace the feelings. They are so awful but my recovery didn't start until I hadn't thought about DR for a few days. I was just super busy moving houses and I woke up one morning like... "Whoa. I have emotions." The key is distraction. I'm going on 7 months and I'm still not completely recovered. You WILL get through this. You can PM me anytime, and I'll always reply if you have any questions or concerns about this very TEMPORARY condition.


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

Awww thanx 4 replying n giving me hope  you're right n the good thing is that I have a new hobby cycling!!! even tho it makes it like 10x worse once you try because basically I was out of shape  lol but once I do it more it seems to make me feel something and distract me


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

Exactly! Distraction is hard at first. Especially when you're so anxious. You feel like you don't want to miss anything, that you want to watch yourself 24/7 to see if you can find a hint of recovery. But, unfortunately, that's not how it works. The only reason it's staying is because you're on high alert. You're telling your brain something is wrong by not relaxing and giving yourself the time to heal. Just relax. Go cycling, read a book, watch a funny movie, and the hardest... SOCIALIZE. I would also recommend making a goal of when you want to feel 100% yourself again. That way if you're having a hard day you can tell yourself "It's alright... I still have 4 months to get better. That's plenty of time." It keeps you from waking up every morning like "AM I BETTER? HAS ANYTHING CHANGED?" Make a calendar alarm on your phone when you make the goal and try to forget the day you want to be better by. Then, make a list of things you're going to do to get better and do them EVERYDAY. Ignore it, sleep well, eat healthy, socialize, exercise. And you're not allowed to check on your DP or DR (whichever you have) until that alarm on your phone goes off. And if you're better, you did it! If not, make another goal and tweak a few things on your list. It helps so much with staying calm and realizing that you do have time to get better!

I wish you the best of luck and remember that this is not a forever condition.


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

Today is even worse I only got 4 hours of sleep and I can't stop crying. Help how will I get through the rest of the day? My dad is not here with me.  I feel like I am going to die. Can I still go out?


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

You will not die, sweetie. It's just a hard day for you, that's all. I, like yourself, have insomnia sometimes when it gets really bad. And don't be scared to cry. The first 3-4 months I had it, I was a damn mess. My mom drove me to a mental institution to be put away for a few months because of how suicidal, self-destructive, and sad I was. It took hours to convince her to take me home. As for what you can do today, I would highly recommend just good ol' distraction. Start by taking a nice, long walk. You want some Vitamin D in your body and exercise releases endorphins which is a "happy chemical." Then, go home, have a nutritious (or delicious)  breakfast.

If you don't mind my asking, are you on any medications? If so, tell me what. And PM telling me how you got this condition. I know for a fact I can help you, I was in that same boat once.


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

Thanks for the recommendations and yeah insomia is pretty tough when you are just a zombie. It's just that I kind of obsess over sleep the next night  haha I am just an obsessive mess right now, also my body keeps waking me up at 5am every morning. I have no idea. I was sleeping so good last week, I guess it's cuz I am at my grandpas house rather than where I usually sleep, at my dads house. And also my perspective totally changes each day it's REALLY frustrating. Hope I get more sleep 2nite  I am on trazadone, klonopin,propranolol, and imipramine but ya there's just not helping me that much. I hope they could higher my klonopin dose because that seems too small a dose. What helps you relax and/or go to sleep? I can't seem to shut off all my crazy depersonalized thoughts at nighttime. I'm so anxious and I am just hard to distract but I try the best i can.


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

I would actually recommend Lexapro or Citalopram as an SSRI. And as for Klonopin, it actually doesn't calm me down in the moment. I have to take it for days to feel the calmness of it but it's so worth it. those obsessive thoughts just come with the DP They do pass though. I used to spend hours googling my symptoms online, obsessing about how to get better. It just made my depression worse and led to a suicide attempt. So I stopped doing that and I can feel myself slipping out of it slowly it seems like your reason for DP is actually just anxiety based which is the cause for most cases. An upped dosage of the Klonopin and maybe even a switch to Lexapro could really help. I've heard a lot of great stories about that mix. all this feeling is, is too high of cortisol levels. Look it up if you want to learn more. Just google "Cortisol levels, depersonalization". That should ease your mind a bit


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

Ok I'll ask my doctor today if he can put me on Lexapro or Citalopram. I woke up at 7am today but I kept waking up a few times during the night. I'm yet having another bad day  I think I slept enough but can't remember how many hours I slept probably more than 5 or 6. Ugh Im trying to get 8 hours  My anxiety is also really bad today and things are still moving haha and I can't stop obsessing something tells me that I'm not on the right meds for it. I'm trying my best to remain positive but is so hard. I'm also really run down and tired all the time. Will this get better soon?  I feel so miserable for the past few weeks hope it gets better soon and I hope I sleep better soon.


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

.
Read my message I had to delete my post


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

I keep obsessing about sleeping  can't sleep


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

Reply to my email ill talk to you through email. I don't check this as regularly


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