# I Would Like To Intorduce Myself



## Guest (Nov 15, 2005)

Greetings Folks:

My name is Aaron Grace A.K.A. Grace-Man

I really don?t know where to start here folks, other than to say, that for the past several weeks I have not been myself. To give a little history here about my current problem, I have recently been diagnosed with *Bi-Polar disorder*, with a touch of *Depression disorder*. I am currently taking several medications to help fight these disorders. The first med I?m on is called *Zyprexa* 10mg?s per pill and I?m on *Wellbutrin XL* 150 mg?s per pill. The Zyprexa is to be taken 30 minutes before bed time and the Wellbutrin to be taken in the morning.

But I am having a funny feeling that there is more to what is taking place to me, than just having simple Bi-Polar and Depression disorders. I suspect I am suffering from the effects of D.P. Why do I say this, because everything I have read about the disorder fits me like a well crafted wedding ring on ones finger.

*A feeling of detachment from oneself*

*You feel like you are in a constant bad dream*

*An overwhelming feeling that you may lose your mind or do something "crazy"*

*People close to you seem strange, not the same*

*You feel like you are stuck inside your own mind with no way out*

*A hopeless feeling that you are the only one going through this*

* world itself seems unreal (derealization)*

The following is a word for word description of how I have felt for these past several weeks. About 2 and a half weeks ago, I found myself picking myself up off my work places bathroom floor. I braced myself on the sink counter and looked at myself in the mirror, ?who the hell are you? I thought, feeling in no way shape of form, that I was looking at myself. Even to this day when looking at a mirror, I know it?s me, I know basically where I am, but I do not feel connected to any of it. I feel like I?m inside my own personal prison. I feel like there is an invisible wall between myself and the ?real world?! When I try to do things I once loved, yes I know I?m going through the motions, but I does not feel like me doing it. I find myself crying allot, thinking I must be loosing my mind. I am a 35 year old male adult, at the prime of his life; it is driving me crazy not feeling like I?m attached to the world around me.

When I am left by myself to long, and zoning out on T.V. fails to ease my mind, I start getting into myself, I start going into deep thought about my present condition. When I do so, I start getting this feeling of ?cold? streaking across my chest, my arms start to feel like there not attached to my body, my hands start to tingle and my breathing quickens. I don?t know what the hell is happening to me, feeling only half way connected to the world around me. On a good day, I can make it without crying and feeling super lost. But on a bad day with this disorder, I feel lost, hopeless, crying at least 3-4 time a day, feeling of doom and feeling like this awake styled nightmare will never end!

I have a doctor?s appointment this up coming November 21, I think I will bring up the ?Depersonalization? idea to her and see what she has to say about it. I have noticed reading through this site, that allot of people are on meds for this disorder, I think I might bring up some names of meds I have seen and see what she has to say about those as well. This is just super hard to get through, looking around the house a pictures of my Wife and Son, looking hard into those pictures and not feeling any connection to them, knowing my Wife and Son are in the same room as I, but not feeling any real connection to them all.

The upside my doctor game me two (2) weeks off from work, which are just about up. She wanted to allow my med?s to get fully into my system and see where we stood with them all. I will have to report to her that yes, my ups and downs from Bi-Polar are going away, and that there is a slight improvement with my Depression, but this D.P. thing is kicking my ass five ways to Sunday. I try to escape it all, but where ever I go, what ever I do, how ever I see, this damn D.P. thing is always there. I try to get away from it, maybe if go have one more smoke I will mellow out and this all will go away, maybe if I eat a well balanced meal, this all will go away, maybe if I drink one more Pepsi, the sugars will help me snap out of it, maybe if I get on my knees and pray, it will all go away, maybe if I take a nice long walk, that will help it all go away. ?NOPE? it does not go away, it?s always there! It?s like watching your life go by through the lens of a T.V. screen.

Well I have taken up enough of your time here folks. I?m just lost, scared, frustrated and full of worry.

I hate this D.P. disorder with all my heart???.. :evil:

Thanks for listening.


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## Guest_ (Sep 17, 2005)

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## Guest (Nov 19, 2005)

Hi Grace-man,
I appreciate your description. Hang in there it can only get better. Hopefully the meds will start to help you soon. Take care.


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

Grace-Man said:


> I have a doctor?s appointment this up coming November 21, I think I will bring up the ?Depersonalization? idea to her and see what she has to say about it. I have noticed reading through this site, that allot of people are on meds for this disorder, I think I might bring up some names of meds I have seen and see what she has to say about those as well.


Just to warn you, you're doc may not understand this DP. I have told about my "unreality feelings" to many doctors and consistently got the diagnosis of Depression and Panic Disorder. Yes I have those disorders, but they are a result of my DP. They never even mentioned DP, I'm self-diagnosed through the internet.

But anyways you may want to print out the description on the main page and highlight what most applies to you.

Poonanny is right though, this DP could be a result of your bipolar disorder. But you say your ups and downs are going away and the DP is not... And you say the DP is constant so it's not happening just when you have the ups and downs...

You say you've had this two and a half weeks. Don't be discouraged you caught this very early. I think, like with most illnesses, the sooner it's treated the better.

Did this DP start after you started the medication? I think with some meds DP can be a side effect.


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## worldwideput (Nov 25, 2005)

hey man thanks for being honest. This thing fits me to a "T" too. this sucks really bad, I would rather have a physical ailment where cause and effect is clear. this cause and effect is very hazy although I'm sure it is somewhere. You will develop a lot of character with this though as it requires sheer strength of will, unless you sit and stew on it away from life.


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## Guest (Nov 26, 2005)

peacedove said:


> Grace-Man said:
> 
> 
> > Did this DP start after you started the medication? I think with some meds DP can be a side effect.


This whole nightmare started when I found myself laying down at my workplaces bath room floor. I opened my eye's, looked around, felt kind of out of sorts with my suroundings, my head was spinning, thoughts were hard to come by, panic struck my body something hard and thinking "what the hell I am on the floor?" I picked mysefl up slowly and gazed at myself in the mirror and something snapped, I looked at myself and wondered "who the hell are you and what did you do with myself?" I felt like I was looking into the eye's of a lost stranger. I had no emotional connection to my reflection! I felt like I was viewing life through the tube of a T.V. screen.

Plus as it was mentioned, did I get all of this after starting or taking med's? The answer to this is a big NO! I was not on any sort of meds, other than taking some aspirine for the common head ache. And I agree with you, at least we cought this in maybe it's early stages.

*MED's UPDATE*

Doctored ordered me *off* the *Wellbrutrin* she now has me on the following.

*Zoloft* 25mg's (take twice daily)

*Zyprexa* 10mg's (taken once nightly before bed time)

*Klonopin* 0.5mg's (taken twice daily)

*Xanax* 0.5mg's (taken daily as needed, 30 pills)

My doctor is getting very agressive in regards to my disorders, she wants to in short order, take it to the problems. She wants to attack this thing from all angles. I will keep people updated as needed!


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