# Not Splitting Off During Crisis



## free2Bme (Aug 20, 2010)

Hello Everyone,

This is my first post. It's nice to have found a place geared specifically towards DP.

There is a crisis happening in my family right now and I find that I am not shutting down and splitting off as I have had to do in the past during a crisis.

The first time this occurred was when my sister died a couple of years ago. I did not split off. I attribute this to the fact that perhaps my love for her was stronger than the tendency to split off? (That's the best that I can figure it, anyway.)

Now, another crisis is emerging having to do with my parents, who are in their 80's. My mom has Alzheimer's and my 'dad' is in ICU.

I find myself with mixed emotions now. (I understand this to be one step (ambivalence) in part of a grieving process: Shock & Denial, Anger, Ambivalence, Depression & Recovery.....not necessarily in that order.)

It feels like progress, however, is very uncomfortable to just 'hang out' with the mixed emotions and let them run their course. *To just "be" in a place of uncertainty.*

Has anyone else ever gone through something like this? Kind of like a 'flash thaw' as opposed to the usual 'flash frozen' of emotions in some way, you know?

The emotions that had to be split off/compartmentilized in order to just function - .....do surface from time to time (when I feel safe enough?) and escape as a natural way of discharging those locked away feelings trapped in my body and these discharges are liken to mini-seizures. Has anyone else expereinced anything like that?

I'm just hanging out in the "mixed emotions zone" right now and was wondering if anyone can relate to this?

I posted this here in Regaining Reality....because that is exactly what it feels like!


----------

