# Anyone recovered from no thoughts/no inner monologue?



## mezona

Hey everyone,

I am new in here. I believe I've been dealing with DP for the last half year... and I feel like it's not getting much better. Also it feels like I don't remember much of the past half year, feels like it happened so fast, even though every day feels so long.

I rarely feel any emotion, mostly sadness, but it still feels like it's far away...

But what disturbs me the most would be the lack of inner monologue/thoughts. I used to analyze things a lot and I would entertain myself just with my thougths . I was wondering how you can all manage to live this way. I have no idea what to do during the day, I don't know what I want, what I don't want, where I wanna go... I simply feel like I am just existing. And I don't like that.

With that I feel extremely anxious, it is paralizing my body completely. But at the same time the body also feels out of control. Like nothing is really helping with that anxiety.

How am I suppose to live this way? Anybody relate to this?

Thank you all!


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## TDX

At the moment I can recall only 3 cases where something helped with the blank mind:

1. In the case report where Seroquel 700 mg/day helped the patient had no emotions and the blank mind and gained emotions through the medication.

2. In the publication of Chee and Wong a patient who only had no emotions and the blank mind was said to have improved by electroconvulsive therapy.

3. In a german *ADHD-Forum* there was someone with DP-disorder and no emotions and blank mind who improved with a stimulant.


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## mezona

Hi TDX,

Thank you for your reply.

Both of the first two sound kinda scary...

What about the stimulant you're talking about?

Any recommendations about what to do with the extreme anxiety? It starts in the morning and is continuosly with me all day no matter what I do (evenings are a little better though).

I feel helpless


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## TDX

I also remeber that someone on dpselfhelp.com said that Acetylcystein made his thoughts and emotions "rush back" to him.



> What about the stimulant you're talking about?


I think it was Dextroamphetamine, but I'm not sure.



> Any recommendations about what to do with the extreme anxiety? It starts in the morning and is continuosly with me all day no matter what I do (evenings are a little better though).


Antidepressants, atypical antipsychotics, mood stabilizers or benzodiazepines seem to be best for anxiety. There is also Buspirone. I think Gabapentine and Lyrica are also sometimes used against anxiety.


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## Ningen

Do you have head pressure mezona?


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## gonengg1

@TDX

I thought most of the people with DP have this?

What? *only *3 cases?! So we're fucked? 

I can't live the rest of my life like this..


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## mezona

Thanks, TDX and Ningen.

Yes, I do. Not constantly but mostly when I am tired, which is almost 24/7. It is not really normal tiredness as I used to have before, it's more like exhaustion, weakness, difficulty with breathing, constant severe anxiety + blank mind that still feels kinda "far away". I am not able to explain it better. This all makes my functioning almost non-existant.

It sort of feels like I am not really sleeping when I am sleeping, I am just "out" and I am not really awake when I am awake. I also feel some cognitive impairment as I have difficulties with the tasks that I didn't have difficulties before. I am not a native speaker but my English used to be much better than it is now, so was my memory. Oh dear, feels like "I have it all".

But as I said what bothers me the most is the lack of a thought process which makes me feel like I am "out of control" in a way. I actually do remember when it "dissapeared". I used to suffer from anxiety a lot before all this and in november 2014 got off Seroxat. Was fine until February when I had some sort of a panic attack (I don't remember it exactly, I just remember I didn't wanna stay at home by myself). Since that day I couldn't sleep at all (after some days I got sleeping pills in ER, but couldn't sleep more than 2-3 hours) . I felt constant anxiety and my mind was rushing with thoughts that even didn't make sense and everything in my head was mixing over and over. Suddenty, after like a week of not sleeping, one evening the "thought procces" just stopped completely. I remember feeling weird and disoriented. I still blamed the insomnia and thought I just "needed to sleep". All together I didn't sleep for about 3 weeks.

Now I sleep (am "out") for almost 8-9 hours every day, but it stays the same.

I hope it makes at least a bit of a sense.

Any advice?

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!


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## TDX

> What? *only *3 cases?! So we're fucked?


You should note that I might have read most of the literature, but not most of this or other forums. There might be people who got better, but I don't know them. But almost every case I found in a forum, who had the blank mind, NEVER got better or reported that any therapy was effective. But this could also be caused by the reluctance many people have towards medication or more invasive therapies, so they maybe didn't use all options. For example I never read that someone with a blank mind tried an opioid antagonist. So maybe ALKS-5461 helps out, particulary if high levels of anxiety are present.



> I thought most of the people with DP have this?


Many, but not all people.



> I can't live the rest of my life like this..


I think so, too. It's some sort of catatonia of the brain, like your soul had been sucked out of your head.

I know two types of medication which can cause the emotional numbness/blank mind-combo: Dopamine-Antagonists (without causing other DP-symptoms) and NMDA-Antagonist (which cause other DP-symptoms). I don't know yet, if kappa-opioid-agonists could do this, too.


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## mezona

@gonengg1

Hi, that's what I was "thinking"/wondering the same thing... I am not ready to deal with this for so long... And live like this (orbetter say surviving...)

What similiarities do you see with "my case"? How are you able to function??

Thanks a lot!


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## mezona

@TDX

Are you experiencing the blank mind, too?


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## TDX

Unfortunately: Yes.


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## Zed

mezona said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> I am new in here. I believe I've been dealing with DP for the last half year... and I feel like it's not getting much better. Also it feels like I don't remember much of the past half year, feels like it happened so fast, even though every day feels so long.
> 
> I rarely feel any emotion, mostly sadness, but it still feels like it's far away...
> 
> But what disturbs me the most would be the lack of inner monologue/thoughts. I used to analyze things a lot and I would entertain myself just with my thougths . I was wondering how you can all manage to live this way. I have no idea what to do during the day, I don't know what I want, what I don't want, where I wanna go... I simply feel like I am just existing. And I don't like that.
> 
> With that I feel extremely anxious, it is paralizing my body completely. But at the same time the body also feels out of control. Like nothing is really helping with that anxiety.
> 
> How am I suppose to live this way? Anybody relate to this?
> 
> Thank you all!


Yes I've recovered from no thoughts and no inner monologue and an overall feeling of complete mental numbness.

How I did it was developing an understanding of why it started happening for me and then working through the issues that kept me in that state. For me, it was extreme stress that slid me into this world of complete mental numbness. That was my protection mechanism working full time in order to protect me from the stress of the outside world. It stopped when I was able to reduce the stressor/s and anxiety in my life down to a workable level.

Forget pharma medications. The chances of them helping a condition like this are very unlikely and if it does at all, it's only a bandaid and won't solve the issues causing the problem in the first place. You'd be much better off looking at the amount of stress and anxiety in your life and reducing them using natural methods - the same way humans have for thousands of years. If you care to google 'natural methods for reducing anxiety' for instance, you'll come up with thousands of hits. Take a look at some of the methods suggested and try them. You've got nothing to loose and whole lot to gain.

Taking a pill every time you feel stressed or anxious is not going build up the internal strength you need to navigate your way through life. Using natural methods, whether it's meditation, herbs, deep breathing, mindfulness, yoga, naturopathy, healthy diet, exercise etc etc, will build you into a stronger person, better able to cope with what life's going to throw at you. Plus you'll be much healthier not having put the toxic shit that psyche medication is into your body as well. You'll be happier, healthier and mentally much stronger...

When you reduce the anxiety and stress in your life your dissociation and level of depression will reduce also.


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## Surfingisfun001

TDX said:


> At the moment I can recall only 3 cases where something helped with the blank mind:
> 
> 1. In the case report where Seroquel 700 mg/day helped the patient had no emotions and the blank mind and gained emotions through the medication.
> 
> 2. In the publication of Chee and Wong a patient who only had no emotions and the blank mind was said to have improved by electroconvulsive therapy.
> 
> 3. In a german *ADHD-Forum* there was someone with DP-disorder and no emotions and blank mind who improved with a stimulant.


Suggesting or even entertaining the thought of ECT and amphetamines to someone who is new to the experience of DP and new to the forum is profoundly idiotic and reckless. OP for your sake I hope that you do not take the above post seriously.


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## Zed

surfingisfun001 said:


> Suggesting or even entertaining the thought of ECT and amphetamines to someone who is new to the experience of DP and new to the forum is profoundly idiotic and reckless. OP I hope that you do not take the above post seriously.


Right on!!

Not to mention suggesting to anyone who's suffering from DPD to put 700mg's of seroquel into their bodies as well. That drug is so toxic and brain deadening and permanently damaging.. how could anyone function, let alone heal when they can barely think with that much crap in their brains!? Let's not talk about the withdrawals from it either...


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## Surfingisfun001

Zed said:


> Right on!!
> 
> Not to mention suggesting to anyone who's suffering from DPD to put 700mg's of seroquel into their bodies as well. That drug is so toxic and brain deadening and permanently damaging.. how could anyone function, let alone heal when they can barely think with that much crap in their brains!? Let's not talk about the withdrawals from it either...


I completely agree. I do not recommend any pharmaceutical drugs for this condition. What helps me the most is breathing fresh air, drinking clean water, eating healthy real food, getting sunshine, rest, exercise, sex, natural herbs, supplements, and minerals, being in good company with others, and finding positive hobbies.


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## mezona

Well... that all sounds great but my anxiety and restlessness is extreme... I am having hard time walking to the shop and back... it's hard to explain... I am waking up with the feeling that I didn;t even sleep.

How are you able to exercise when it "hurts" to even stay awake?


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## TDX

> When you reduce the anxiety and stress in your life your dissociation and level of depression will reduce also.


In many cases people just did do this, but it did not work. Sometimes it's impossible to reduce anxiety the "natural way", because the anxiety is caused by an anxiety disorder.



> Suggesting or even entertaining the thought of ECT and amphetamines to someone who is new to the experience of DP and new to the forum is profoundly idiotic and reckless.


Could you explain why it is "idiothic and reckless" to tell people what might have helped in some other cases?



> Not to mention suggesting to anyone who's suffering from DPD to put 700mg's of seroquel into their bodies as well. That drug is so toxic and brain deadening and permanently damaging..


I spent 3 months in a special station for psychosis patients (I don't have psychosis) and most of them would not be able to live without such high doses of Seroquel. I have met many people who even took multiple antipsychotics to get rid of their crippling positive symptoms.

If Seroquel in such a high dosage would make me able to feel emotions, like in that case-report, I would take it for the remainder of my life. I even suggested it, but they declined, because I would "sleep all day".


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## Surfingisfun001

mezona said:


> Well... that all sounds great but my anxiety and restlessness is extreme... I am having hard time walking to the shop and back... it's hard to explain... I am waking up with the feeling that I didn;t even sleep.
> 
> How are you able to exercise when it "hurts" to even stay awake?


I get it. All I'm saying is that in response to someone suggesting ECT and hard drugs to someone new experiencing this, as someone who has tried many many medications myself, what has helped me find the most stability in life has been going back to the basics.


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## Surfingisfun001

TDX said:


> Could you explain why it is "idiothic and reckless" to tell people what might have helped in some other cases?


If you can't understand how suggesting Electroconvulsive Therapy to someone who just started experiencing mental difficulty is highly dangerous, then no I don't think I can get through to you.


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## Zed

TDX said:


> In many cases people just did do this, but it did not work. Sometimes it's impossible to reduce anxiety the "natural way", because the anxiety is caused by an anxiety disorder.


Anxiety is not caused by a disorder. It's caused by circumstances in life! Anxiety is a natural human emotion. It's the old 'disorder' label again. The doctors label a natural human response ( in this case anxiety) as a 'disorder' and we all assume we're fucked and need medication to fix it! Well, that's just crap. Like I said - human beings have dealt with anxiety for thousands of years using natural methods, so there's no reason we can't... And don't try and tell me our anxiety is worse than someone who's being stalked by a woolly mammoth.

Show me the many cases where people have reduced the stress and anxiety in their lives and yet their DPD stayed the same. Highly unlikely to see 'many' I'd say.


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## Ningen

surfingisfun001 said:


> If you can't understand how suggesting Electroconvulsive Therapy to someone who just started experiencing mental difficulty is highly dangerous, then no I don't think I can get through to you.


An intelligent person would look up what Electroconvulsive Therapy actually entails before even thinking about doing it. If someone said suicide cured someone else's DP, that person is obviously not suggesting suicide.


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## Surfingisfun001

Ningen said:


> An intelligent person would look up what Electroconvulsive Therapy actually entails before even thinking about doing it. If someone said suicide cured someone else's DP, that person is obviously not suggesting suicide.


Not everyone is intelligent. Many people here are young, susceptible to suggestion, and willing to try anything. Being that ECT was mentioned as a modality for recovery, I feel like it is important to point out that it is a highly dangerous practice and not for someone who just started experiencing depersonalization.


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## Zed

TDX said:


> I spent 3 months in a special station for psychosis patients (I don't have psychosis) and most of them would not be able to live without such high doses of Seroquel.


I think you'd be very hard pressed to prove those patients would be dead without seroquel.

Whilst you're recommending all these different treatments to everyone here - don't you think it would be ethical for you to also include the extensive lists of side-effects these treatments and medications can (and do) have on people and maybe even steer us to some websites where the pros and cons are discussed, so we can make informed choices instead of blind choices.


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## gonengg1

@Mezona @TDX

It's hard to explain. It's like a part of the brain that was there before has either shrunk or disappaeared. I also sort of feel high all the time.

I think the best way to describe the lack of inner monologue is like a shrinkage of some part of the brain. Everything is slow, my processing speed and ability to analyze the world around me is virtually inexistent.

I can't even plan what I'm going to do for tomorrow. Everyday passes and only at night I realized that a day passed. It's really horrible..


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## MiketheAlien

gonengg1 said:


> @Mezona @TDX
> 
> It's hard to explain. It's like a part of the brain that was there before has either shrunk or disappaeared. I also sort of feel high all the time.
> 
> I think the best way to describe the lack of inner monologue is like a shrinkage of some part of the brain. Everything is slow, my processing speed and ability to analyze the world around me is virtually inexistent.
> 
> I can't even plan what I'm going to do for tomorrow. Everyday passes and only at night I realized that a day passed. It's really horrible..


Oh man, I understand this all too well, its like I wrote this. We have very similar experiences my friend.


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## TDX

> I think you'd be very hard pressed to prove those patients would be dead without seroquel.


Some of them certainly would. Your statement shows that you don't have a clue how devastating psychosis can be.



> Whilst you're recommending all these different treatments to everyone here - don't you think it would be ethical for you to also include the extensive lists of side-effects these treatments and medications can (and do) have on people and maybe even steer us to some websites where the pros and cons are discussed, so we can make informed choices instead of blind choices.


I think everyone who was able to register an account on this forum is able to use the internet for this purpose.



> Everything is slow, my processing speed and ability to analyze the world around me is virtually inexistent. I can't even plan what I'm going to do for tomorrow. Everyday passes and only at night I realized that a day passed. It's really horrible..


That's how I feel...


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## mezona

@Zed

I am glad to hear that sombody recovered.

How long have you been in the "mental numbness" state? Did you also feel your body as numb?

As I previously said I would really like to go the "healthy" way with exercise, changing diet...etc... but my body is so weak and the anxiety is so extreme that it feels like I just can't. Both body and mind feel out of control.

Please help


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## gonengg1

I can't study, is anyone like this? I mean nothing is an experience anymore...


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## TDX

> I can't study, is anyone like this? I mean nothing is an experience anymore...


Yeah. I dropped out of university, because of this.


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## mezona

Shit guys, what will we do???

I can't function like this


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## TDX

> Shit guys, what will we do???


I've made my choice. I will try to treat this pharmacologically as aggressive as possible and try electroconvulsive therapy at the end, if nothing else works.


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## MiketheAlien

I'm with HorasePn, the only solution is Canadian viagra!


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## gonengg1

yup, I'm going with the logic of 'when life gets hard so does your dick' (Ok I was funnier pre DPDR)


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## gonengg1

@TDX how long have you suffered from DR?


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## TDX

I don't have derealization. My symptoms exist since march 2014.


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## CoffeeGirl9

I don't even feel like my head is even there anymore. I too have no thoughts or inner dialogue. It's just nothing. it feels out of control. I feel like I look weird to other ppl. Like my eyes are there but that's it. There is no actual head. Does this make sense to anyone. I can touch it yes. But it's not like before. Maybe hollow and empty are the words. My whole being is gone. I am left with just a weird looking body that doesn't feel like mine. It's like being lost and confused every second of every day. Nothing is enjoyable. I used to plan things, look forward to doing things, or enjoy doing nothing but DP doesn't even make doing nothing enjoyable. I am in extreme discomfort all the time. I have anxiety all day long. I barely leave the house which is not like me. I have no recollection of my life before this.


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## Zed

mezona said:


> @Zed
> 
> I am glad to hear that sombody recovered.
> 
> How long have you been in the "mental numbness" state? Did you also feel your body as numb?
> 
> As I previously said I would really like to go the "healthy" way with exercise, changing diet...etc... but my body is so weak and the anxiety is so extreme that it feels like I just can't. Both body and mind feel out of control.
> 
> Please help


Sorry it took so long to get back.. I've been super busy lately.

Well, I would consider myself recovered from the 24/7 mental numbness (I haven't had that for around 3 years).. but I wouldn't consider myself recovered from my dissociative disorder. It hard to put a figure on that but I'd say 80-90% recovered.

I experienced complete mental numbness (no emotions, no feelings, most memories gone - I felt like an empty shell really) off and on where it would last up to 2 or 3 weeks without a break. I could barely string enough words together to make a sentence. That went on throughout most of my life off and on, but got more and more intense as I grew older. I couldn't cope with it in the end and thankfully my therapist had some good ideas on how to work on it.

In regards to changing diet and doing some light exercise, why not start off really slowly? Making small changes will boost your confidence and self esteem, especially if/when you notice small changes within yourself. Even a short walk is great for your body. Walking is very grounding too and that's one the keys to getting over dissociative disorders. Grounding will stop dissociation (ie DPD) in it's tracks. I find myself grounding naturally and without thinking about it nowadays.

Hope this helps.


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## Surfingisfun001

Zed said:


> In regards to changing diet and doing some light exercise, why not start off really slowly? Making small changes will boost your confidence and self esteem, especially if/when you notice small changes within yourself. Even a short walk is great for your body.


This is great advice. There is a lot to be said about taking things slowly and not putting too much stress or pressure on oneself. Baby steps!


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## CoffeeGirl9

Zed said:


> Sorry it took so long to get back.. I've been super busy lately.
> 
> Well, I would consider myself recovered from the 24/7 mental numbness (I haven't had that for around 3 years).. but I wouldn't consider myself recovered from my dissociative disorder. It hard to put a figure on that but I'd say 80-90% recovered.
> 
> I experienced complete mental numbness (no emotions, no feelings, most memories gone - I felt like an empty shell really) off and on where it would last up to 2 or 3 weeks without a break. I could barely string enough words together to make a sentence. That went on throughout most of my life off and on, but got more and more intense as I grew older. I couldn't cope with it in the end and thankfully my therapist had some good ideas on how to work on it.
> 
> In regards to changing diet and doing some light exercise, why not start off really slowly? Making small changes will boost your confidence and self esteem, especially if/when you notice small changes within yourself. Even a short walk is great for your body. Walking is very grounding too and that's one the keys to getting over dissociative disorders. Grounding will stop dissociation (ie DPD) in it's tracks. I find myself grounding naturally and without thinking about it nowadays.
> 
> Hope this helps.


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## CoffeeGirl9

I feel like if I could get grounded I would get out of DP. That seems to be how I have gotten out before. I just don't know how to.


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## gonengg1

What is grounding?


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## mezona

So how do you all function like this? I feel horrible every minute. I can't get myself to do almost anything. And even if I do it doean't make such a difference. Is there something that makes you feel better? How is your sleep?


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## mezona

@Zed 
Did you experience blank mind with no inner monologue? Nothing? How did it come back? Was it a slow process or it eventually came back out of nowhere? How could you get yourself to do things then? Thank you for your reply!


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## Zed

gonengg1 said:


> What is grounding?


Here's a quick explanation and some ideas about Grounding I found -

Grounding Techniques

Grounding is a technique that helps keep someone in the present. They help reorient a person to the here-and-now and in reality. Grounding skills can be helpful in a variety of situations: with dissociation symptoms; and managing overwhelming feelings or intense anxiety. They help someone to regain their mental focus from an often intensely emotional state.

Grounding skills occur within two specific approaches:

1) Sensory Awareness

2) Cognitive Awareness

*Sensory Awareness Grounding Exercise #1:*

Begin by tracing your hand on a piece of paper and label each finger as one of the five senses. Then take each finger and identify something special and safe representing each of those five senses. For example: Thumb represents sight and a label for sight might be butterflies or my middle finger represents the smell sense and it could be represented by lilacs. After writing and drawing all this on paper, post it on your refrigerator or other safe places in the home where it could be easily seen and memorize it. Whenever you get triggered, breathe deeply and slowly, and put your hand in front of your face where you can really see it - stare at your hand and then look at each finger and try to do the five senses exercise from memory.

*Exercise #2:*

• Keep your eyes open, look around the room, notice your surroundings, notice

details.

• Hold a pillow, stuffed animal or a ball.

• Place a cool cloth on your face, or hold something cool such as a can of soda.

• Listen to soothing music

• Put your feet firmly on the ground

• FOCUS on someone's voice or a neutral conversation.

*Sensory Awareness Grounding Exercise #3:*

Here's the 54321 "game".

• Name 5 things you can see in the room with you.

• Name 4 things you can feel ("chair on my back" or "feet on floor")

• Name 3 things you can hear right now ("fingers tapping on keyboard" or "tv")

• Name 2 things you can smell right now (or, 2 things you like the smell of)

• Name 1 good thing about yourself

*Cognitive Awareness Grounding Exercise:*

Reorient yourself in place and time by asking yourself some or all of these questions:

1. Where am I?

2. What is today?

3. What is the date?

4. What is the month?

5. What is the year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grounding is one of the most powerful tools you can use against overwhelming dissociation. For instance, If you find yourself totally in your head and fearing the past or the future - ground yourself and get back into the 'here and now'. It's incredibly effective..


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## Zed

mezona said:


> @Zed
> Did you experience blank mind with no inner monologue? Nothing? How did it come back? Was it a slow process or it eventually came back out of nowhere? How could you get yourself to do things then? Thank you for your reply!


Yeah I experienced complete blankness. There was nothing going on - no emotions, no feelings, no inner monologue. I was an empty shell. Coming out of that was a fairly slow process. It took a few weeks I think. It's hard to say cos it's so gradual you know. And I was actually working full time when I had this blankness going on. Looking back I don't know how i did it. I guess the combination of an understanding boss and persistence were the main keys.

I realised overwhelming stress was the cause. 'Blank mind' is dissociation at it's most powerful. It's the ultimate protection of the mind really. If you can't think or feel, what can possibly hurt you? A fantastic counsellor I had explained that to me - and she was spot on! So I worked on 2 things - relaxing and feeling safe. Even just understanding I was super stressed gave me a huge advantage. You know what they say - knowledge is power. I knew what was going on, and from then on I could slowly work on the things that kept that need for so a high level of dissociation.

There are many ways to alleviate stress. Exercise is great. Walking is great. Talking about problems works. Journalling works. Drawing, chopping wood, gardening, yelling, screaming, punching a mattress, playing sport, etc. It's a matter of finding the things that work and trying them out. All theses things help alleviate anxiety as well.

In order to feel safer I had to recognise the things that were making me feel unsafe to begin with. Again, once I had that knowledge I could then work on changing my situation. In my case there were certain people in my life who made me feel unsafe. And every time I was around them, I'd become more dissociative. The solution was, to dump them as friends.

Every little bit counts in reducing dissociative experiences. There's no one thing any of us can do to stop DPD. There's no one pill that'll stop this. It'll be a whole lot of different things that each reduce the dissociation that'll make the difference. I think of those things as 'tools in my toolbox'. I use those tools according to what's going on for me..


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## CoffeeGirl9

It's possible to come back. I came back yesterday for most of the day but it took work. Today I am right back in the nothingness.

Grounding, meditation, reading good things out loud especially the Bible help me. Also chiropractic treatment has also helped me.


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## TDX

> And every time I was around them, I'd become more dissociative.


That's interesting. Did you notice other symptom fluctuations, before treatment began to reduce your symptoms?


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## Zed

TDX said:


> That's interesting. Did you notice other symptom fluctuations, before treatment began to reduce your symptoms?


All of my symptoms began to reduce the more aware I became. By 'aware' I mean - I began to understand the things that keep me in a dissociative state - things like certain people, certain movies, particular music, certain topics, even everyday ordinary things, violence, drugs, particular places, etc.

You need to know your enemy in order to defeat them...


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## mezona

@Zed
What about if you don't know your enemy? Like nothing makes you feel better or worse... And also, I am extremly anxious and fatiqued, nothing is helping with that...


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## Zed

mezona said:


> @Zed
> What about if you don't know your enemy? Like nothing makes you feel better or worse... And also, I am extremly anxious and fatiqued, nothing is helping with that...


Actually I hate calling DPD or any of the dissociative disorders 'the enemy' - b/c the last thing they are, is your enemy. The dissociative disorders are on our side - they protect us and do their best to keep us safe. I know it doesn't feel like that sometimes, especially when you can't even remember who you are! But it's true. The DD's protect us from the things we can't cope with. It's a natural state - we just need to work out why the fuck we have it and then we can work out how to stop it.

I'd recommend looking up natural ways to alleviate anxiety. There're tons of websites - best to sift through them and try some different techniques and see how that goes. Deep breaths have been my best defence against anxiety.


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## Zed

Zed said:


> I'd recommend looking up natural ways to alleviate anxiety. There're tons of websites - best to sift through them and try some different techniques and see how that goes. Deep breaths have been my best defence against anxiety.


Thanks Zed - here's an article I found on managing anxiety naturally.

http://www.sott.net/article/301458-Managing-anxiety-without-drugs


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## xxmdogxx

to Zed I would say DP and DR are psychological so its not so simple as whats natural helps you. If something like having a drink is "natural" to you and helps you in the long run than have the drink or the pill. It depends on your psychology and that is why it is so terrifying is because your on your own. so... whatever makes you feel better in terms of cost vs benefit. You will get better its just a constant cost benefit analysis in your mind of trying to survive with horrible uncontrollable

symptoms of anxiety.


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## eddy1886

As far as im concerned we are all different...We just have one common symptom..Chroinc anxiety and DP...Now as regards feeling better what works for one might not neccessarily work for another....Zed I admire you and im delighted you have recovered without meds...I wish i could recover that way...Ive had Chronic DP and cripplling anxiety for over 20 years and the only thing that has ever made me feel better is medication...My suffering was simply too unbearable to even try and take another route (a more natural route to recovery) I gave up drinking, smoking, weed, took endless ammounts of exercise, ate better, tried CBT, grounding exercises etc etc etc....None of it relieved my suffering...Now i would usually advise people to try a more natural route cos to be honest even though i take medication i dont like taking it....BUT if you have suffered like i did and all else fails i would definitely recommend medication...WHY because anything is better than suffering this hell....Now if you read back through Mezona posts you will see that she felt better before while she was taking medication....She stopped her medication and wham within a few weeks she was ill again....

This tells me the logical thing for Mezona to do is to start back on her meds and see if she improves....I have a sneaky feeling she will feel better...

The moral of the story!

People recover in all different ways...Some need meds some dont...Its an individual thing...

The important thing to remember is that we all get relief from this awful condition not the route we take to get the relief....

TO MEZONA....I honestly think you should try your medication again...It sounds to me as though you are simply not functioning now and you may need a little help through medicine to get you through this tough time....

I wish EVERYBODY on here well!


----------



## MiketheAlien

eddy1886 said:


> As far as im concerned we are all different...We just have one common symptom..Chroinc anxiety and DP...Now as regards feeling better what works for one might not neccessarily work for another....Zed I admire you and im delighted you have recovered without meds...I wish i could recover that way...Ive had Chronic DP and cripplling anxiety for over 20 years and the only thing that has ever made me feel better is medication...My suffering was simply too unbearable to even try and take another route (a more natural route to recovery) I gave up drinking, smoking, weed, took endless ammounts of exercise, ate better, tried CBT, grounding exercises etc etc etc....None of it relieved my suffering...Now i would usually advise people to try a more natural route cos to be honest even though i take medication i dont like taking it....BUT if you have suffered like i did and all else fails i would definitely recommend medication...WHY because anything is better than suffering this hell....Now if you read back through Mezona posts you will see that she felt better before while she was taking medication....She stopped her medication and wham within a few weeks she was ill again....
> 
> This tells me the logical thing for Mezona to do is to start back on her meds and see if she improves....I have a sneaky feeling she will feel better...
> 
> The moral of the story!
> 
> People recover in all different ways...Some need meds some dont...Its an individual thing...
> 
> The important thing to remember is that we all get relief from this awful condition not the route we take to get the relief....
> 
> TO MEZONA....I honestly think you should try your medication again...It sounds to me as though you are simply not functioning now and you may need a little help through medicine to get you through this tough time....
> 
> I wish EVERYBODY on here well!


Just curious, which medication has helped you?


----------



## MiketheAlien

eddy1886 said:


> As far as im concerned we are all different...We just have one common symptom..Chroinc anxiety and DP...Now as regards feeling better what works for one might not neccessarily work for another....Zed I admire you and im delighted you have recovered without meds...I wish i could recover that way...Ive had Chronic DP and cripplling anxiety for over 20 years and the only thing that has ever made me feel better is medication...My suffering was simply too unbearable to even try and take another route (a more natural route to recovery) I gave up drinking, smoking, weed, took endless ammounts of exercise, ate better, tried CBT, grounding exercises etc etc etc....None of it relieved my suffering...Now i would usually advise people to try a more natural route cos to be honest even though i take medication i dont like taking it....BUT if you have suffered like i did and all else fails i would definitely recommend medication...WHY because anything is better than suffering this hell....Now if you read back through Mezona posts you will see that she felt better before while she was taking medication....She stopped her medication and wham within a few weeks she was ill again....
> 
> This tells me the logical thing for Mezona to do is to start back on her meds and see if she improves....I have a sneaky feeling she will feel better...
> 
> The moral of the story!
> 
> People recover in all different ways...Some need meds some dont...Its an individual thing...
> 
> The important thing to remember is that we all get relief from this awful condition not the route we take to get the relief....
> 
> TO MEZONA....I honestly think you should try your medication again...It sounds to me as though you are simply not functioning now and you may need a little help through medicine to get you through this tough time....
> 
> I wish EVERYBODY on here well!


Just curious, which medication has helped you?


----------



## eddy1886

An anti psychotic called Sulpiriide in conjunction with Citalopram..

I took Sulpiride alone for the first 8 years then after a serious relationship breakup and bad depression I was put on Citalopram...

I found this combination of drugs really really good for anxiety, depression and DP...

Although my DP never went away fully (it was always there in the background) my life has been very manageable for years now...


----------



## optimusrhyme

I agree with surfingisfun001- I wouldn't suggest ECT for anyone... unless they have absolutely no choice and its their last hope. I've had 12 sessions of ECT done and its not fun... I woke up from each procedure not knowing what country i was in, i had trouble recognizing my mom.. I didnt even know that i was in a hospital.. ECT fried my memory.. Permanantly.. I have severe amnesia and I cant remember my past at all now. I already had memory problems with DP/DR but ECT magnified them ten fold. There is other options better then this.

Like surfingisfun001 said.. Go back to the basics/fundamentals of life. Focus on healthy patterns and routines and work as hard as you can at making them habits in your everyday life. Some things I would HIGHLY recommend are:

(*Yoga, Meditation*,*Healthy Eating*- Organic Fruits and Vegetables (Magic Bullet works good for smoothies), *Sun Gazing* (Opens your 3rd eye/Pineal Gand), *Connect with Nature Daily* (Having a ton of Plants in your house can be very theraputetic), *Philosophy books* that can better help you understand and deal the Universe and your reality. 

*Prayer*... *Drink lots of water daily* (I drink about 4 litres daily) - Try to find water without flouride in it (if you are forced to drink flouride water* Iodine *is a good supplement to detox Flouride.. . *Cleaning*- this can be a very powerful spitirual practice- Keep things organized, Hygene/House.

*Find an artistic hobby* (Painting, Writing, Dancing, Singing, Drawing, Instruments) *Get rid of all the negative in your life*- People, things, food, bad habits.

*Listen to uplifting music*- Try and find artists that talk about positive things....

Another big one is *Journaling*- write in your journal everynight before you sleep. This is especially good for the "*No Inner Monologue symptom*" because this is a method that can help you express your thoughts in a more organized fashion. Plus you can go back and look at the patterns of how you felt on a daily basis.

*Get a pet* (A dog or a cat)- having a pet can keep you on a positive routine, it forces you to take action in your life. Plus you get a great companion out of it.

I I guess its all about *balancing your Mind-Body-Soul*.. Its very important to focus on all 3 equally.

I know my suggestions sound cliche.... but cliche works.. I have been on tons of meds in the last 20 years and none of them helped my mental illness. It all comes down to how you view your life. Your perspective on things... YOU have to be the one to change your mindset and start appreaciating the beauty in life again. Tell yourself you are fine, believe in your mind that you are fine and this is how you are supposed to be. Try not to put Mental illness labels on yourself.

Life is full of good and bad things.. Both are necessary, They complete each other..They are both part of the miracle of life.

Try and see the beauty in both good and bad things...

Hope this post helps a little bit.


----------



## Zed

Optimusrhyme said:


> I agree with surfingisfun001- I wouldn't suggest ECT for anyone... unless they have absolutely no choice and its their last hope. I've had 12 sessions of ECT done and its not fun... I woke up from each procedure not knowing what country i was in, i had trouble recognizing my mom.. I didnt even know that i was in a hospital.. ECT fried my memory.. Permanantly.. I have severe amnesia and I cant remember my past at all now. I already had memory problems with DP/DR but ECT magnified them ten fold. There is other options better then this.
> 
> Like surfingisfun001 said.. Go back to the basics/fundamentals of life. Focus on healthy patterns and routines and work as hard as you can at making them habits in your everyday life. Some things I would HIGHLY recommend are:
> 
> (*Yoga, Meditation*,*Healthy Eating*- Organic Fruits and Vegetables (Magic Bullet works good for smoothies), *Sun Gazing* (Opens your 3rd eye/Pineal Gand), *Connect with Nature Daily* (Having a ton of Plants in your house can be very theraputetic), *Philosophy books* that can better help you understand and deal the Universe and your reality.
> 
> *Prayer*... *Drink lots of water daily* (I drink about 4 litres daily) - Try to find water without flouride in it (if you are forced to drink flouride water* Iodine *is a good supplement to detox Flouride.. . *Cleaning*- this can be a very powerful spitirual practice- Keep things organized, Hygene/House.
> 
> *Find an artistic hobby* (Painting, Writing, Dancing, Singing, Drawing, Instruments) *Get rid of all the negative in your life*- People, things, food, bad habits.
> 
> *Listen to uplifting music*- Try and find artists that talk about positive things....
> 
> Another big one is *Journaling*- write in your journal everynight before you sleep. This is especially good for the "*No Inner Monologue symptom*" because this is a method that can help you express your thoughts in a more organized fashion. Plus you can go back and look at the patterns of how you felt on a daily basis.
> 
> *Get a pet* (A dog or a cat)- having a pet can keep you on a positive routine, it forces you to take action in your life. Plus you get a great companion out of it.
> 
> I I guess its all about *balancing your Mind-Body-Soul*.. Its very important to focus on all 3 equally.
> 
> I know my suggestions sound cliche.... but cliche works.. I have been on tons of meds in the last 20 years and none of them helped my mental illness. It all comes down to how you view your life. Your perspective on things... YOU have to be the one to change your mindset and start appreaciating the beauty in life again. Tell yourself you are fine, believe in your mind that you are fine and this is how you are supposed to be. Try not to put Mental illness labels on yourself.
> 
> Life is full of good and bad things.. Both are necessary, They complete each other..They are both part of the miracle of life.
> 
> Try and see the beauty in both good and bad things...
> 
> Hope this post helps a little bit.


This is great advice. There's nothing here that could do anyone any harm. It's about living a healthy lifestyle which is always good advice.

Optimus.. that's a horror story you have about the ECT. There've been at least a few people on this site who've talked about how ECT might be the answer for DPD/DR. I never believed that could be true. I don't see how frying your brain could help with anything....


----------



## TDX

> There've been at least a few people on this site who've talked about how ECT might be the answer for DPD/DR. I never believed that could be true. I don't see how frying your brain could help with anything....


For many people with severe depression, schizophrenia, catatonia and other disorders it's a lifesaver. That's a fact even you cannot deny.

I never said that ECT "might be the answer for DPD". I just quoted a case where it helped against the symptoms described in this thread. In fact, considering the available literature about ECT for DPD, the chance to achieve a sucess in DPD with ECT is very small. It can also make the symptoms worse. But as I have exactly the same symptoms as in the case report I'll try it if there is no medications left to try.



> I agree with surfingisfun001- I wouldn't suggest ECT for anyone... unless they have absolutely no choice and its their last hope. I've had 12 sessions of ECT done and its not fun... I woke up from each procedure not knowing what country i was in, i had trouble recognizing my mom.. I didnt even know that i was in a hospital.. ECT fried my memory.. Permanantly.. I have severe amnesia and I cant remember my past at all now. I already had memory problems with DP/DR but ECT magnified them ten fold. There is other options better then this.


When did you have ECT?


----------



## montrealcanadiens1996

Mezona would you say you experience difficulty with your memory at times?


----------



## optimusrhyme

TDX said:


> For many people with severe depression, schizophrenia, catatonia and other disorders it's a lifesaver. That's a fact even you cannot deny.
> 
> I never said that ECT "might be the answer for DPD". I just quoted a case where it helped against the symptoms described in this thread. In fact, considering the available literature about ECT for DPD, the chance to achieve a sucess in DPD with ECT is very small. It can also make the symptoms worse. But as I have exactly the same symptoms as in the case report I'll try it if there is no medications left to try.
> 
> When did you have ECT?


6 years ago when i was 21. Like I said, it can be useful if its your ABSOLUTE last line of defense (it can help suicidal depression) and i've personally seen it improve people with Psychosis/Schizophrenia/Catatonia. I wouldn't recommend it for DP/DR symptoms though.


----------



## mezona

Hey guys,

To your questions... I used to take Seroxat but I wasnt DP'd at that time. I had anxiety, well most probably severe anxiety, but I used to THINK and I could handle it somehow (not the best ways though, which I am more aware of now). I used to drink not too too much but quite often. I used to feel safe at home and in my body most of the times. I used to enjoy times by myself, I would analyze things and usually come with some kind of solution. Actually I prefered to be by myself which probably wasn't very healthy. Now when I am alone it bothers me in some weird way, I just don't know what to do. And now when I tried to drink it didn't feel like anything. (Anybody can relate to that?)

Anyway... yes, I do experience problems with my memory in a weird way. I would often have memories popping into my head but it's more of like I remember how I used to be but I can't remember how I did that... I mean things that I wasn't thinking about and was doing automatically now I have to force myself to do, like I simply have to "tell myself" to go eat as I rarely feel hungry or have the "need" to go eat.

And anything I do I am questioning if this is the way how I would do things before. And I just don't know. I DON'T REMEMBER WHO I WAS and how I did that. It feels like I have no opinion about things, I just know how I would probably react to something before but it doesn't come naturally. It makes me so upset. I DON'T RECOGNIZE myself liek that.

What bothers me too (among other things) is that my sleeping is not normal. I can't nap, which was my favorite part of the day before . To nap after work. Oh how I miss that! Now I would have to force myself to go to sleep (even though I am super exhausted) and I'll be "out" for 8-9 hours but I would wake up almost the same way as when I went to sleep. Not refreshing, nothing. That's why even small tasks are a problem for me, I feel like after a long night drinking or something, no energy, and feeling just "out of it". Nothing ishelping with that.

Actually anything that I used to like before feels like nothing, I feel no emotions, no nothing. I just know how things should be but I don't seem to be able to do them that way.

It's ridiculous and even after half year of this I still couldn't find a way how to fight with this. I feel hopeless at all times, just forcing myself to do things or being forced to do things. And I don't like that! I am not like this!

Please help!


----------



## CoffeeGirl9

mezona said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> To your questions... I used to take Seroxat but I wasnt DP'd at that time. I had anxiety, well most probably severe anxiety, but I used to THINK and I could handle it somehow (not the best ways though, which I am more aware of now). I used to drink not too too much but quite often. I used to feel safe at home and in my body most of the times. I used to enjoy times by myself, I would analyze things and usually come with some kind of solution. Actually I prefered to be by myself which probably wasn't very healthy. Now when I am alone it bothers me in some weird way, I just don't know what to do. And now when I tried to drink it didn't feel like anything. (Anybody can relate to that?)
> 
> Anyway... yes, I do experience problems with my memory in a weird way. I would often have memories popping into my head but it's more of like I remember how I used to be but I can't remember how I did that... I mean things that I wasn't thinking about and was doing automatically now I have to force myself to do, like I simply have to "tell myself" to go eat as I rarely feel hungry or have the "need" to go eat.
> 
> And anything I do I am questioning if this is the way how I would do things before. And I just don't know. I DON'T REMEMBER WHO I WAS and how I did that. It feels like I have no opinion about things, I just know how I would probably react to something before but it doesn't come naturally. It makes me so upset. I DON'T RECOGNIZE myself liek that.
> 
> What bothers me too (among other things) is that my sleeping is not normal. I can't nap, which was my favorite part of the day before . To nap after work. Oh how I miss that! Now I would have to force myself to go to sleep (even though I am super exhausted) and I'll be "out" for 8-9 hours but I would wake up almost the same way as when I went to sleep. Not refreshing, nothing. That's why even small tasks are a problem for me, I feel like after a long night drinking or something, no energy, and feeling just "out of it". Nothing ishelping with that.
> 
> Actually anything that I used to like before feels like nothing, I feel no emotions, no nothing. I just know how things should be but I don't seem to be able to do them that way.
> 
> It's ridiculous and even after half year of this I still couldn't find a way how to fight with this. I feel hopeless at all times, just forcing myself to do things or being forced to do things. And I don't like that! I am not like this!
> 
> Please help!


I relate to all of this! Every word! I am not even person like at all. Sure from the outside I am sure I look perfectly normal. I still keep myself looking ok but even that has changed a little. I feel nothing. My face is not recognizable to me. I don't remember my past. I could sit and stare at nothing for days. I am totally removed from my body. My body feels weird. Not real,ghost like, wobbly, weightless. I have no excitement over anything. I used to get excited about a cup of coffee so I it definitely doesn't take much.

My sleep is not really sleep. I never feel refreshed. I dream in reality though. Real things and ppl from my life are in my dreams. I am me in my dreams but not in real life. How does that work?

My memories have really escaped me. I have no way of being in the present. I am not grounded. My words aren't mine. No connection to my body. Life literally has no point right now. This episode has been going on since January.

I am seeing a specialized therapist and taking 120mg of cymbalta.

I feel so hopeless and more then ever before


----------



## apoplexy

This TDX guy is an idiot, I really hope nobody takes him seriously... He's recommending serious, serious shit to newbies. Where are the admins?


----------



## TDX

> This TDX guy is an idiot


My disorder gave me cognitive problems. I sometimes really feel like an idiot.



> I really hope nobody takes him seriously... He's recommending serious, serious shit to newbies.


On this thread I didn't recommend anything. I just told what helped in some cases. And even if not: I am against withholding information to newbies.



> Where are the admins?


At the bottom right of each post there is a button named "report". I suppose you can find the admins there.


----------



## MiketheAlien

This apoplexy guy needs to chill out, stress is a mind killer dude.


----------



## Zed

This is the type of garbage we get from TDX.. All this comes from page 1 of this thread. It's ironic that a guy who constantly recommends psyche meds has had no, or very little success with these meds in treating his own DPD/DR. Talk about the 'blind leading the blind'..



TDX said:


> At the moment I can recall only 3 cases where something helped with the blank mind:
> 
> 1. In the case report where Seroquel 700 mg/day helped the patient had no emotions and the blank mind and gained emotions through the medication.
> 
> 2. In the publication of Chee and Wong a patient who only had no emotions and the blank mind was said to have improved by electroconvulsive therapy.
> 
> 3. In a german *ADHD-Forum* there was someone with DP-disorder and no emotions and blank mind who improved with a stimulant.





TDX said:


> I also remeber that someone on dpselfhelp.com said that Acetylcystein made his thoughts and emotions "rush back" to him.
> 
> I think it was Dextroamphetamine, but I'm not sure.
> 
> Antidepressants, atypical antipsychotics, mood stabilizers or benzodiazepines seem to be best for anxiety. There is also Buspirone. I think Gabapentine and Lyrica are also sometimes used against anxiety.





TDX said:


> You should note that I might have read most of the literature, but not most of this or other forums. There might be people who got better, but I don't know them. But almost every case I found in a forum, who had the blank mind, NEVER got better or reported that any therapy was effective. But this could also be caused by the reluctance many people have towards medication or more invasive therapies, so they maybe didn't use all options. For example I never read that someone with a blank mind tried an opioid antagonist. So maybe ALKS-5461 helps out, particulary if high levels of anxiety are present.
> 
> Many, but not all people.
> 
> I think so, too. It's some sort of catatonia of the brain, like your soul had been sucked out of your head.
> 
> I know two types of medication which can cause the emotional numbness/blank mind-combo: Dopamine-Antagonists (without causing other DP-symptoms) and NMDA-Antagonist (which cause other DP-symptoms). I don't know yet, if kappa-opioid-agonists could do this, too.


----------



## TDX

> All this comes from page 1 of this thread.


As I said: I report cases about DPD. I did not derive any recommendations from it in this thread. And even if I did, I do not see any problem with this. It's not against the rules of this forum. And don't forget that at the same time you're recommending questionable psychotherapies for "dissociative disorders". This looks to me like double standards.



> This is the type of garbage we get from TDX..


The "We" ist not appropiate, because you do not know whether the majority of this forum shares your opinion and stays behind you.



> It's ironic that a guy who constantly recommends psyche meds has had no, or very little success with these meds in treating his own DPD/DR.


In my opinion my way is the way which has the highest chance for succes in my case. But in a disorder, which is so underresearched as DPD, nothing can be guranteed. So there is nothing ironic in the low amount of success I have. That's how DPD works.


----------



## aworthycause

To the OP:

Yes, I was completely blank for a long time, then recovered. Socializing was key.


----------



## mezona

@lostcause:

What does it mean for a long time? What were your other symptoms?

I am trying to socialize but I am constantly fatiqued and out of it. Nothing seems to be helping.

Any suggestions?


----------



## optimusrhyme

I've been working on figuring this symptom out.

I've come to the conclusion that my thought process was silenced because of obsessive over-usage..Its worn out. It seems like the "no inner monologue" is a defense mechanism for our own good.

Most of us are abusing our thought processes to the point of damaging our psyches... we're caught in vicious cycles, constantly obsessed with trying to get out of DP via thoughts.. We're constantly following our thoughts wherever they lead us even if its down negative paths.

I think our psyche is trying to tell us that we can't think our way out of this.. Re-directing my conscious awareness towards my Heart Space/4th Chakra has given me more clarity of mind. I think its because my mind can finally rest and heal from the abuse.

Try this out, instead of always focusing on and following the thoughts, keep your awareness focused within, *on your hearts feelings*. The heart speaks louder then the thoughts anyways.

Its tough to do at first because we habitually follow our thoughts everywhere.. but *breaking that thought following cycle is vital*. you may have to force it for a cuple days, but in time, your awareness becomes grounded in the space between thought and emotion.

I think being in that "Middle-Way" is key. Because from their you have the Choice to follow a thought or an Emotion. Instead of automatically always following a thought.

Sorry if this is confusing haha..


----------



## sydneyarnce

mezona said:


> @TDX
> 
> Are you experiencing the blank mind, too?


Hunny don't listen to him. 
For him to say "never" is just pure useless negativity. It'd be one thing if it were true but I almost feel like he's purposely trying to get other people hopeless like him. 
Take it from me, I have had blank mind, blank emotions, and head pressure for about 4-5 years. I recovered for a good 6 months and then awful postpartum anxiety and depression brought it back. But guess what, I'm going to heal completely again!  don't let this define you. The fact that you have this should be almost uplifting. You're a deep, sensitive intellectual. Shallow people don't deal with this.


----------



## Ningen

sydneyarnce said:


> Hunny don't listen to him.
> For him to say "never" is just pure useless negativity. It'd be one thing if it were true but I almost feel like he's purposely trying to get other people hopeless like him.
> Take it from me, I have had blank mind, blank emotions, and head pressure for about 4-5 years. I recovered for a good 6 months and then awful postpartum anxiety and depression brought it back. But guess what, I'm going to heal completely again!  don't let this define you. The fact that you have this should be almost uplifting. You're a deep, sensitive intellectual. Shallow people don't deal with this.


How did you recover?


----------



## Surfer Rosa

This is described by most people as "emptiness", although your description is more detailed and accurate. I understand what you mean about the restlessness clashing with not wanting to do anything. It feels like being locked in a room that is too hot.


----------



## Nordmaster

mezona said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> I am new in here. I believe I've been dealing with DP for the last half year... and I feel like it's not getting much better. Also it feels like I don't remember much of the past half year, feels like it happened so fast, even though every day feels so long.
> 
> I rarely feel any emotion, mostly sadness, but it still feels like it's far away...
> 
> But what disturbs me the most would be the lack of inner monologue/thoughts. I used to analyze things a lot and I would entertain myself just with my thougths . I was wondering how you can all manage to live this way. I have no idea what to do during the day, I don't know what I want, what I don't want, where I wanna go... I simply feel like I am just existing. And I don't like that.
> 
> With that I feel extremely anxious, it is paralizing my body completely. But at the same time the body also feels out of control. Like nothing is really helping with that anxiety.
> 
> How am I suppose to live this way? Anybody relate to this?
> 
> Thank you all!





CoffeeGirl9 said:


> I don't even feel like my head is even there anymore. I too have no thoughts or inner dialogue. It's just nothing. it feels out of control. I feel like I look weird to other ppl. Like my eyes are there but that's it. There is no actual head. Does this make sense to anyone. I can touch it yes. But it's not like before. Maybe hollow and empty are the words. My whole being is gone. I am left with just a weird looking body that doesn't feel like mine. It's like being lost and confused every second of every day. Nothing is enjoyable. I used to plan things, look forward to doing things, or enjoy doing nothing but DP doesn't even make doing nothing enjoyable. I am in extreme discomfort all the time. I have anxiety all day long. I barely leave the house which is not like me. I have no recollection of my life before this.


I can totally relate to you both. I'm suffering from this condition since Autumn 2012. So far only my energy level and brain performance improved. But the rest of the symptoms are still the same. I notice that keeping my brain busy all the time helps to distract yourself from this horrible state. I know that keeping your brain busy might be hard at the beginning, but it will help your brain to improve / train it.

I just noticed I made the exactly same thread (title) also some years ago

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/42192-anyone-recovered-from-blank-mind-no-thoughts/


----------



## Surfer Rosa

You don't need a monologue, but I have suffered from that "no thoughts" symptom. Many of us do. I have it in episodes that last like 30 minutes and usually preceed crying or panic.


----------



## mezona

Guys, year after (I can't even believe that a year has passed) I am still in the same condition as described in the thread. I feel like I am losing all hope... I've tried so many things...

I am so out of it ALL the time, feeling like I want to jump out of my skin and yet there is no person in my body (don't know if that makes sense). I suffer from horrible restless anxiety yet my mind is blank.

PLEASE HELP!


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## DpHelp

Ever think it's not dp ? Not to much research on dp to actually think it's a stage you most likely have parasites in your body controlling and eating you, I have blank mind no thoughts mental decline, shit if you can say there is a hell in living in one, but I just started a parasite cleanse and I'm starting to feel better and I know it's the problem, I just want to help cause I hate seeing other people go through this without any clue, if you wanna start the process on getting better use black walnut and wordwood oil, with cloves oil or tablets for each one that's all you pretty much need, even if you don't think I'm telling the truth a parasite cleanse is necessary as more than 90% of the world has them, I'm pretty sure it's the cause and cure for all diseases. Try it out and let me know your memories aren't erased btw I know that 100% sure even people with tbi don't lose memories I think it's just a reaction the parasites give off from head trauma, ct scans and mris don't really cover the parasites as not much research is done but they basically control you without you knowing your whole soul so when you fall in relapse it's most likely them, hope I could help, you should start seeing results in 2 days after cleansing, and seeing parasites in your waste there's more than likely 1000s of them inside of you without you knowing once you start the cleanse you feel them move inside you and you start seeing they basically control your brain and body and emotions. Let me know the results if you do this people say the cleanse should be 2 weeks (14 days) with a 5 day break and to continue after the 5 days for another cleanse. With the oil if you get it you use 3 drops morning 3 drops afternoon 3 drops before bed, since your body is fighting these constantly and we already have side effects from cleansing from ourselves you shouldn't experience much the most is they keep you up a little before bed, it's hard to use the bathroom the first few days cause there constantly eating your waste but there still dying and you should see improvements I signed up cause I seen people in this state constantly and I've just been lurking the past months to see if your results improved, this came to my knowledge this week and it's working so I hope it works for you to. I wanna make this clear I think we're in this state because our body and immune system recognizes the problem and try's to cleanse itself detox but doesn't have the necessary tools and cells to so you experience terrible side effects. Hope i helped my thoughts are already coming back in slowly but surely waiting on that visual image in my head and my memory. Hope this helps and hope you are all CURED.


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## Yuuuumypinksprinkles

Bump from yours truly <3


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## drumgrape

mezona said:


> Guys, year after (I can't even believe that a year has passed) I am still in the same condition as described in the thread. I feel like I am losing all hope... I've tried so many things...
> 
> I am so out of it ALL the time, feeling like I want to jump out of my skin and yet there is no person in my body (don't know if that makes sense). I suffer from horrible restless anxiety yet my mind is blank.
> 
> PLEASE HELP!


Not to be rude but what have you actually done to help yourself?

Are you optimizing your sleep with quality sleep hygiene? Are you exercising hard 4-5 days per week? Are you trying to socialize? Talking with a therapist? Getting tested for food insensitivities?


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## mezona

Drumgrape: Exercising hard 4-5 times a week when I can hardly walk? No, I am not.


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## masterridley

mezona said:


> But what disturbs me the most would be the lack of inner monologue/thoughts. I used to analyze things a lot and I would entertain myself just with my thougths . I was wondering how you can all manage to live this way. I have no idea what to do during the day, I don't know what I want, what I don't want, where I wanna go... I simply feel like I am just existing. And I don't like that.


This quote describes me to a tee at this moment. I have complete lack of thoughts since this January and I don't know how I'm going to live with this. I literally don't think a single interesting/funny thought all day. When I'm with other people, I stay mute because I don't have anything to say. Nothing interests me and I usually stay in bed for half the day.

What worries me is that I haven't found this symptom described anywhere, which makes me wonder how few people have it. When I tell my doctor and my therapist, they both cannot comprehend the total lack of thoughts that I'm going through. They think that since I'm able to talk to them, I must be deluding myself somehow.

I don't actually have any other symptom of DP, instead I have severe social anxiety and depression. Both of these do not compare to this awful awful thing though...


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## MichelleH

masterridley said:


> This quote describes me to a tee at this moment. I have complete lack of thoughts since this January and I don't know how I'm going to live with this. I literally don't think a single interesting/funny thought all day. When I'm with other people, I stay mute because I don't have anything to say. Nothing interests me and I usually stay in bed for half the day.
> 
> What worries me is that I haven't found this symptom described anywhere, which makes me wonder how few people have it. When I tell my doctor and my therapist, they both cannot comprehend the total lack of thoughts that I'm going through. They think that since I'm able to talk to them, I must be deluding myself somehow.
> 
> I don't actually have any other symptom of DP, instead I have severe social anxiety and depression. Both of these do not compare to this awful awful thing though...


The way your therapist and doctor are perplexed by this symptom despite being able to speak normally is common. How did this happen? Was it triggered by trauma, drug experience, or some other event?


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## masterridley

MichelleH said:


> The way your therapist and doctor are perplexed by this symptom despite being able to speak normally is common. How did this happen? Was it triggered by trauma, drug experience, or some other event?


I think it was the prolonged pressure of working with other people for 11 months, 8 hours a day. As I said, I suffer from severe social anxiety, so every day was a real struggle and I returned home almost dead.


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## mezona

masterridley: Did it happen all of a sudden to you? Like a switch?


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## masterridley

mezona said:


> masterridley: Did it happen all of a sudden to you? Like a switch?


It MIGHT have happened that way. I don't really remember. I know that the first 6 months of work, I was able to do stuff when I came back home. I ordered books online, I read programming books voraciously, I went to guitar lessons etc. All this despite the huge anguish I endured each day at work.

At some point, all this stopped being interesting to me. I started feeling very tired so I stopped going to my guitar lessons, I stopped reading, I stopped everything. I would just come home and lay on the couch until it was time to sleep. At most I'd watch TV passively.

I remember not thinking anything other than dreading the next day and sometimes having a mild panic attacks.

After some time, it became evident to me that something was very very wrong. Because even when I was on vacation and therefore not pressured, I still had no thoughts at all. Like my self was missing and I couldn't even get out of bed, because there was no inner motivation that told me "let me play a game" or "let me read a book". There was nothing there.

...

Like I said what worries me is that I don't see this symptom anywhere eg on the DSM, and so I have no idea if this is an irreversible state or something that eventually goes away. And my therapist does not know anything about it, so I'm not even sure what I should do each day to get better.

Currently, I only go swimming for 1h daily (my mother pressures me each day, otherwise I wouldn't do it, because I get no feedback from it, no joy or satisfaction)


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