# 24/7



## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

I think it may be flawed to assume we have this 24/7, afterall, if we were back to normal for a while we would not realise it... it would just be normal. Again, i don't think the difference between DP and normal is like hell and heaven. It's like hell and normal.


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## Guest (Oct 3, 2011)

PhoenixDown said:


> I think it may be flawed to assume we have this 24/7, afterall, if we were back to normal for a while we would not realise it... it would just be normal. Again, i don't think the difference between DP and normal is like hell and heaven. It's like hell and normal.


Hey Phoenix,
Had to respond to this as people also say, "How do I know when I will feel normal?"

Well, odd thing in my life, when I was a child, say up through age 12, I would have "days I felt really weird -- full days, maybe a few weeks" then I recall days -- where I was 100% in reality ... just like a "normal person." So for 12 years I had DP that some days/weeks made me not want to play with my friends, or made it difficult for me in school, but I couldn't put a finger on it ... I was a child. The very first feelings start as far back as I recall and they didn't scare me ... age 4 or 5.

Then when around 12, there were MORE days that were DP, and more of those days were BAD DP. But especially in the evenings something would "lift" and I'd see 3D, feel IN reality.

As a teenager it was like the DP came and sealed me off in a bubble. There was a greater percent of the time I "felt weird" and lesser percent of time feeling real. And I was very active in private school, music camp, extracurricular activities, etc. ...

By my junior year in HS ... the bubble started to close. And I have always dreamed in DP/DR as well. Always had very vivid dreams that I remember, to this day. Some, I can't see at all, some it is with horrible DR.

I still didn't know what was going on.

I can say, as I kept a journal most of my life, that by college I was DP/DR ALL the time. But that DP/DR varied in degree. And for example, I am DP/DR ... *right now.* But I have been busy with other things. I am about 60% here. And as usual, my arms just don't feel attached. But ... well, this is how I am. It's "here" ... and I'm not freaking out about it.

I also have drops into Hell. One was in my car about 2 years ago. Horrible and I had to drive into a parking lot -- was a menace on the road! I couldn't even understand what red and green meant -- though I KNEW that wasn't right. But I said, "This will pass, this happens." I am far more able to "talk myself down."

But now there is NO TIME I am 100% in reality. Never now as an adult, since say after my MA, from age 24 onward. It is a matter of degree. My "normal" is about 60% here -- all the time. Bad episodes that last maybe 24 hours maximum, are FAR less frequent than even 10 years ago. I haven't been in reality, really about 60% in a long time. But I continue to do everything I can every day. It doesn't scare me.

I can say, personally with certainty, when the DP/DR are GONE, they are GONE. When they are in the background they are in the background. When they are terrible, yes that is Hell, and there is nothing I can do but try to distract myself or talk with someone to find a way back.

That is what is so odd about this.
Think of deja vu. A perceptual change. You either HAVE deja vu or you don't. It passes. There are a very rare group of people known by neurologists who have deja vu that doesn't go away and you would clearly know what is "normal" and what is deja vu ... if that is a good analogy. And there is a journal article of a Japanese man with this who wanted to kill himself, as I guess it must be like "groundhog day" -- but he was perfectly aware he shouldn't be feeling that way.

1. Reality is NORMAL REALITY.
2. DP/DR on a spectrum -- mild to severe perceptual distortion, last a minute or years, vary in intensity due to various circumstances or sometimes get worse for no good reason
3. Distraction which can put SOME DP/DR on the "back burner" but it is still there

I can get VERY engrossed in many things, and yes, the DP/DR are "in the background" ... oddly enough though, typing. Typing is the worst. So stupid. And it doesn't even bother me anymore. I am always aware on a "higher level" that my arms and hands don't feel like mine. WTHell that is I have no clue.

With friends I know who've gotten better from DP/DR -- they say, "I'm normal, and I can't even quite REMEMBER DP/DR." Others say, "I have episodes now and again out of nowhere ... maybe 10 minutes max ... sometimes in my dreams ... and they go away." But they consider themselves DP/DR free, and I mean *years* free of DP/DR.

If I could dump the DP/DR, I'd be the happiest person in the world. Right now though my depression is terrible. And people would say what other illness they would exchange this for ... well, let me say, I am a one year survivor of breast cancer. That was a piece of cake, and is so far, PLEASE, than DP/DR.


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