# just need someone to here me out or help me?



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Dont know how to start out..well i got dp/dr in 2011,im not sure how i got it ,ive always been anxious and a worrier.ive had difficult times growing up.i had a dysfunctional family,got picked on alot at school.i started drinking and smokin weed when i was 16.then when i was 18 i had little moments of dp/dr but i thought maybe i was just dehydrated.then one day i drank a 2x the energy rockstar drink and boom got my first panic attack and ended up in the hospital...after that i ended up in those mental hospitals 4 times.in the beginning my dpdr was uncomfortable but i could still function and live life but now its gotten so bad like i feel it keeps getting worser.i feel so detached from the world and my body,i feel more unreal like i have to keep telling myself im real buts its hard.i havent left my apartment cuz im scared itl make it worser.i look at my family and i know who they are but look so unfamiliar and strange.my mind wont calm down,keeps telling me to panic,that its gonna get worser,this worlds not real,that nobodys dp/dr is as severe as mine.i just feel so scared and depressed all the time,i get this feeling of doom and hopelessness.i can even eat right or do anything.im getting to the point where i wanna kill myself,i cry all the time,and only relief i get is the thought of me jumpin out of my window or overdoseing on pills.ive tried to be positive,be present,be mindful but it has done nothing.im tired and frustrated nobody understand,my sis and her bf laugh at it.my bro thinks im just dealing with a little anxiety and panic attacks and acts like its nothing.my moms been my only support but i know shes getting tired of it and wants to leave.i just feel my best option is suicide and my family wont have to deal with me.and wont have to suffer this nomore


----------



## b8to (Nov 13, 2009)

I'm way older than you, and have been numb since 1994. It's weird, still feel like I'm 16. I'm not sure which has been worse, going through it for years and years without help, and not knowing what it was/why I have it/and that there are other people out there in the same boat, or finding out those things, trying to get help, and realizing that there still isn't much that can be done, or at least nothing much that seems to help me. Anyway, thinking about ending it all might feel good when you're way down, but it is NOT the answer, and solves nothing. It is the worst move you can make. And you're young, a great time to build solid relationships, which I think are the best defense against DP. How I wish I could go back to your age! My twenties were pretty awesome, and I was numb as novacaine the whole time. Don't let them pass you buy! You CAN still enjoy life, you CAN accomplish things, and it DOES get easier. Hang in there!!


----------



## ChrisChampion (Mar 6, 2013)

My family doesn't understand either. No one that hasn't gone through it will ever understand. You have just got to keep pushing forward. I have beaten this Twice before, so I know it can be done. Worrying so hard really does make it worse, even though I'm guilty of it too. You just have got to stay strong and know you are going to come out victorious and a stronger person because of it. I know going to a doctor and treating the underlying anxiety might help you because DP is a product of your anxiety.


----------



## Guest (Mar 18, 2013)

ChrisChampion said:


> My family doesn't understand either. No one that hasn't gone through it will ever understand.


Great points.

The best you can do to make somebody understand is to just tell them it's anxiety-related.


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Yea am trying hard,just my mind wont shut up.today i finally went outside to go to a bbq,i was anxious but i was feeling good that i was outside and not panicking.but once i got home i just started geting the doomed feeling again idk why? I wanted to talk to maybe a pyschologist again but a different one cuz last time they diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder and an eating disorder n focused on that but i didnt think i had any of that and wanted help for my dr/dp


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

And ill try to hang there,i only tell my mom my worries cuz shes more understanding


----------



## b8to (Nov 13, 2009)

It sucks when the racing thoughts won't quit. It's frustrating too, they're all bs but I catch myself listening and exploring them anyway! Got to let them go. Stop analyzing things, it get's you no where. focus on what's going on around you, instead of inside your head. Exercising helps me when it's bad, or I'll take a walk in the woods. In the evenings I look for a good movie, and try to focus on the story completely, like not letting anything personal take over...


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Ugh yes i explore those thoughts and i tell myself not to but i end up doing it. But today i went out to the library and to a restuarant with this woman from my church and it felt nice cuz she wants to help me and she was understanding but i was starting to get panicky near the end but got home and felt proud of myself.i know for other ppl going outside is nothing but for me its a challenge. I hope one day il be able to run outside bymyself again and play video games with my friends


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Keep questioning my reality,seems everybody is able to still function with this.how?how do u train your brain to make u stop questioning it?..


----------



## chuckbrando (Mar 27, 2013)

I know this seems terribly difficult to overcome as I am going through similar thought patterns and feelings myself. And I agree that it feels hopeless, but this is a treatable condition for many people. One of the things my therapist advised me to do is to find things that make me "feel grounded." For example I'm really into sports so I try to engage people in the sports topics of the day. It also helps me to look at pictures of friends and family and times when I didn't feel so diconnected. This doesn't negate the feelings, but rather eases the anxiety a bit and distracts me from my racing thoughts. Even today I noticed that I was pacing a lot at work and when I sat down and took some deep breaths I felt a bit better. Patience is so important though because it's a complicated problem that we have and will take some work to overcome. You can do it as can I and be proud of the fact of how tough you have to be to endure this problem every day and still be here to write about it. You should be proud of every day you get through because I know it's no small task.


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Im learning to be patient and positive and trying to distract myself.but i always have setback that makes me think im getting worser.like i was doing good until yesterday i didnt understand my breathing like it was confusiing me n i started panickibg.then today got a panic attack in the car but it was so iintense like i wanted to throww myself out the window cuz i cudnt take the fear.so my mom stoped the car but then i was litteraly trapped cuz i couldnt move my hands face n feet became contorted and stiff.im just frustated


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Ima try panic group therapy n if it doesnt work ill try med cuz if i dont wana get to the point of killing myself


----------



## chuckbrando (Mar 27, 2013)

I think that's awesome that you're looking for support groups. It's important to find others to help you through difficult times. As we all know these feelings of depersonalization and derealization are intense and do feel terrible and incredibly overwhelming. Try to remember too that there isn't any discomfort that lasts forever. But I think it's also important to keep in mind that any large task or goal will require some small steps along the way to recovering. Try to think of any positive moment you've had recently or anything that you're proud of since you started feeling this way. One thing I try to tell myself is how proud I am of myself for making it through the day because as you know it isn't easy. And if you want to think even bigger picture for a minute, think of how awesome it is that you made it through several days and are still here. You're really resilient! Small victories will also help you remain patient. This doesn't take away your discomfort, but does at least allow you to focus some positive energy in on yourself. You deserve it!


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Im trying to see the positive and tell myself i will overcome this but i just cant handle the panic attacks anymore like im constantly having them.so i made a desicion if going back on meds.just needa relief and i dont want it to drive me to the point of killing myself and i know everybody says stay off meds but i think it unfair to tell them that cuz u dont know how hard theyre trying and cant handle nomore


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

I got a new symptom where i question how im moving and speaking.feel like a robot its freaking. Me out


----------



## augustanew (Apr 5, 2013)

I've had this crap for years, you're psyching yourself out! I've had dpdr for 15 plus years, it got better for a while and then came back and so on..Your self awareness is thru the roof! you're obsessing too much. that's what I do, you need to find something that u absolutely love or loved and start doing it, exercise is always good even if u don't like it, you'll thank me later..maybe, hot baths are awesome too. I use art as a form of therapy..i could go on and on about all your worries..just know you'll come out of this..


----------



## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

Yeah. I've dealt with this for as long as I can recall and I'm in my 50s. Do something fun! Go see a movie, go to the zoo and relate with some animals! Anything fun. Enjoy your life. Laugh, we ARE funny! Obsessing fools! Anxious people are hilarious! lol. Seriously though, I still enjoy life. Anxiety is difficult day after day. I take xanax twice a week or so. It's a habit forming, depression causing drug if over used, so be careful. When you say you are going on meds beware. Does this cure you? Meds can make me worse! Be careful with them. One thought about suicide that keeps me living is that it might not work. What if I'm still feeling anxious and then I'm dead and cut off from everyone as well? Now that would suck. We don't know what suicide will bring. There are times I almost did it too. Water is cool. Breath deep, air is cool. The earth is cool, pick up some dirt and feel it! Life is weird and we're in it. It'll be over soon enough. Good luck. Oh and I totally think support groups are cool also. Get to know some mentally ill folks and hang out and help each other. NAMI National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, is a great organization to become involved in. It's new too so you can be essential. I think it's become world wide. It's only about 15 years old or so I think. Mentally ill people have to cope, they're cool too.

If it all gets too much, I will buy myself a plane ticket and go to India and meet some elephants! There are many things I can do with my life. Use your imagination for things you can do rather than how messed up you're getting and ways to check out. TRY to have some fun.


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Im telling myself to be patient and fight those negative thought but then i get freaked out cuz im not understandy how im breathing like i feel im not experiencing it.then get scared im the only person experiencing this.iit2am and its not letting me sleep and my chest is like burning


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Feel like im slowly loseing myself.i try to be present and i feel more scared cuz i feel more dpd.just wana know that if this is just a hard period of my life and that ill make it out.feel like its gotten more severe.tried what ppl suggested ,what im i doing wrong


----------



## Guest (Apr 7, 2013)

rnina123, I am back on here replying to people's posts because I've gone through everything you could deal with DP/DR. From what posts I read of yours you definitely need to consider getting back on meds. I wouldn't have made it out alive if I didn't. There are varying degrees to this. Some people have slight personality disorders where they just feel 'different' and talk differently around people and don't feel centered, but when you're talking about suicide you're on the other end of the spectrum. I've been there. Trust me. I had a doctor that didn't understand me, and she kept trying to give me anti-psychotics because I wasn't taking care of myself. I lost a shit ton of weight and looked homeless. I was just so DP/DR'd out of my mind that nothing mattered. I'm on Nortriptyline. It's a sort of mood stabilizer that helps with anxiety and depression. It helps your sleep too, almost like a reset button. My brain was fucking fried. Flat out. Gone. And I am 100%. It took 3+ months with the right medication. Another 3 months were spent in hell with an unbelievably inadequate, dumbass doctor. Find the right psychiatrist and tell them what you're dealing with. Paxil is HELL. I'm serious. At least for me. This is a different situation. Those newer SSRI's aren't really cut out for this kind of shit. Anyways, good luck. I love you. Take care of yourself. Don't give up. It took every bit of me not to, and guess what: I'm fucking alive and ME. Oh, and I'm working hard, making money, and moving on with life. It will happen. Trust it. Let me know if you have any questions. I will try to get back on here soon.


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Yea my psychatrist put me on meds,he said he has met othet ppl like me but that i will come out of this if i change my way of think but he gave me celexa cuz he wanted to take sum of the anxiety off of me for now.but im just having a hard time exceptinh this will go away.feel im losing my mind.last night i cudnt sleep cuz i didnt understand my emotion,like i feel the sensation but idnt know what it is.i. tried distracting myself with a movie but then my chest started burning


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Just wana know that i will come out of this


----------



## Nathanael.A. (Apr 16, 2013)

the sooner you treat it the better the prognosis generally is, just dont go for antipsychotics


----------



## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

> i havent left my apartment cuz im scared itl make it worser.


Actually, it's probably the best thing you can do to make it better.

Go out and play some outdoor sports (basketball saved me.)

And stop focusing on the symptoms of DP, the feelings of being an automaton, etc. They are a distraction from the trauma and deep-seated negative feelings like shame, doubt, fear, inadequacy, etc. As you yourself described, prior to getting DP you had all sorts of issues (getting bullied, anxiety, etc. - all classic precursors to DP.)

The feelings of being detached are scary, but they are the cherry on top - they are not the cake you need to take a bite of.


----------



## joshz28 (Jul 22, 2011)

Go read some of the recovery stories on the regaining reality and on the road to recovery. A lot of people recover. If fact there was a guy that posted a story on one of those that said almost exact same thing about killing himself and all that and 6 month later he was largely recovered. I know its hard. We all know its hard. But you gotta keep pushing through and keep pushing through. I know you can do it. I know it in my heart. I've nearly recovered exept for very minor dr dp and some fatigue until I had a migraine and sent me right back in. So you can do it. Keep looking for a therapist. Keep telling the doctor. They don't listen tell a different one and so on and so on. Print literature off of here to show them. Print off the definition of dp dr off wikipedia. Be your own advocate. You can do it and we will all be puulling for ya. Get that fire under your butt I decide I won't be beat. Cause you won't. Give it time you'll see


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Well i ended up staying in the hospitap for 13 days cuz ppl wer concerned.i didnt leave my house,things got unfamiliar to me like thoughts ,memories,body sensations,reality,my family wich hurt the most that i wanted to get run over by a car.i went thru hell in the hospital,i lost weight,my face looked destroyed from cryin and not sleeping.but kept geting new symptoms evem after everything i tried.even the ppl there didnt know waht to do with me but i told myself that i have to make best of my situation and fake it till u make it.and thank god im really social cuz i made frienda with alot of ppl and that and god got me thru the day.im in a step down program now but im not suffering like how i was before


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Well i ended up staying in the hospitap for 13 days cuz ppl wer concerned.i didnt leave my house,things got unfamiliar to me like thoughts ,memories,body sensations,reality,my family wich hurt the most that i wanted to get run over by a car.i went thru hell in the hospital,i lost weight,my face looked destroyed from cryin and not sleeping.but kept geting new symptoms evem after everything i tried.even the ppl there didnt know waht to do with me but i told myself that i have to make best of my situation and fake it till u make it.and thank god im really social cuz i made frienda with alot of ppl and that and god got me thru the day.im in a step down program now but im not suffering like how i was before


----------



## Recovered (Oct 11, 2012)

The losing of sense of familiarity of people, places, things, memories is horrible. You feel robbed. What is worse is that you know that you once felt familiar to them, so it is even more upsetting. It's a nightmare to put it plainly.

Stay strong. Things get better. As the stress/anxiety goes, you should find that things are increasingly familiar and not as distant.

Fake it until you make it is right. It's a powerful tool 

Best.


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Idk why its getting worser,im so scared like not even my thoughts can help me now.i keep getting panic attack espessially wen im outside so i get scared to go outside.things r becoming more unreal.panic attacks r bad enough bur having dp on top if that is scary ass hell! I dont know what else to do i dont waana kill myself but im soo scared


----------



## DP boy (Mar 20, 2012)

i kno its hard but the reward of life u will get when u fully recover will be beyond ur wildest dreams


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Have u or anyone overcome panic attacks and how?please need advice


----------



## rnina123 (Mar 16, 2013)

Is it normal to have a panic attack and not be scared tho but u get numness and tingleing sensation


----------

