# panicked to be alive?



## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

can someone relate to this. sometimes when im very anxious i get panicked cause im alive..that im exist. 
everything is scary. for example. to breathe is scary.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Yes yes and yes...! i get scared of my own brain. It dp. but horrible i know.


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## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

its total horrible 

calming that im not alone with this.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Do u feel like ur just seeing things for first time and dunno how u know things


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## Isilme (Jul 8, 2012)

Yes, I can relate, I get paniced about existing/being alive too.


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## jharden (Apr 21, 2014)

Very common with DP/DR. I used to experience this frequently, but it doesn't affect me now. Things will get better with time


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Thanks. Is feeling like u know nothing and that u shouldn't be here also a.symptom. its horrible feel like I have to relearn things and it makes me so confused.


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## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

katiej said:


> Do u feel like ur just seeing things for first time and dunno how u know things


Yes exactly, it feels like someone put me to earth, everything seems new. and scary

i cant think back in time, or think about future. like what i have done before i get dp/dr is just cutted off/very diffuse


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Yes and I feel like I shouldn't be here. Like its too weird. And scares me to think because it doesn't feel like Its me thinking. It feels programmed.


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## Legitlex_ (Feb 8, 2014)

That's how I feel as well it's so scary


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Do any of u feel like ur mind is just like programmed or something cause ur human. But like ur.not doing ur own thinking


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## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

katiej said:


> Do any of u feel like ur mind is just like programmed or something cause ur human. But like ur.not doing ur own thinking


also I can relate to this, its hard to explain..but yes,programmed, it feel strange to be a human.


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## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

does anyone here have head pressure,blocked ears and extreme muscle tensions?? and fatigue?


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Feels like everything thats in my head was put there if that makes sense? Not that i have grown to know it. Its so god damn hard to explain. I keep thinking well i just copied my parents so thats why i think this is all normal. Sounds silly but its terrifying. Even thinking scares me. Feels like words going through my head and i want to make it stop. Do u feel like u shouldnt be anywhere? Like its just so weird to exist at all.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

MusicaElectronica said:


> does anyone here have head pressure,blocked ears and extreme muscle tensions?? and fatigue?


Yes. especially when i think to much. And i just feel like a pair of eyes. Always tired but too much adrenaline to sleep.


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## Isilme (Jul 8, 2012)

katiej said:


> Do u feel like u shouldnt be anywhere? Like its just so weird to exist at all.


Yes, it feels weird to exist, that´s what makes me panic about it.


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## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

i can relate 100%. I have analytical thinking about everything. For example how can I think, how can i see. and so on. it feels just wierd and it scares me a lot.

when you are with people..do u feel like me that you feeling strange/stupid and its hard with eye contact?



katiej said:


> Feels like everything thats in my head was put there if that makes sense? Not that i have grown to know it. Its so god damn hard to explain. I keep thinking well i just copied my parents so thats why i think this is all normal. Sounds silly but its terrifying. Even thinking scares me. Feels like words going through my head and i want to make it stop. Do u feel like u shouldnt be anywhere? Like its just so weird to exist at all.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

i dont find it hard to make eye contact no. I just sit there and wonder how i know how to do anything. Ill be sitting there having a conversation and then my mind within like 5 secnds will go through all these crazy thoughts about how i got here and how i know what to do and how to think. As if i didnt learn it all myself. Hard to explain.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

MusicaElectronica said:


> i can relate 100%. I have analytical thinking about everything. For example how can I think, how can i see. and so on. it feels just wierd and it scares me a lot.
> 
> when you are with people..do u feel like me that you feeling strange/stupid and its hard with eye contact?


i also feel like i just realised that i can see and hear etc. Does it make u feel trapped? like u are forced to see and hear? and u wanna run away from urself but u cant. I feel like im stuck in a world that i cannot escape and do not understand. Does everything feel terrifying!? and almost like u dont know anything and have to relearn it . But u dont wont to. Like u just got forced to live on the planet this minute.


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## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

Yes I feel too trapped. i feel trapped in this world. on this earth. and also feel trapped in myself. sometimes i get a shock that im exist. then i get panicked. 
this is horrible 

how did you get dp/dr?



katiej said:


> i also feel like i just realised that i can see and hear etc. Does it make u feel trapped? like u are forced to see and hear? and u wanna run away from urself but u cant. I feel like im stuck in a world that i cannot escape and do not understand. Does everything feel terrifying!? and almost like u dont know anything and have to relearn it . But u dont wont to. Like u just got forced to live on the planet this minute.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

i developed an anxiety disorder 4 years ago and have had it on and off over those years. like id have it for a month then it would be gone for ages.. havent had it in a year but came back with a bang the last two months and its really been worse than ever. my mind completely went so much furthr this time.

I keep thinking what are the chances that i was born and that everything i do is learned and that i dont have a choice but to see and hear and sometimes i dont want to. Feel like its a lie or i dont understand anything. Makes me feel like a new born baby.


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## gasspanicc (Mar 21, 2012)

IVE HAD EVERY THOUGHT WITH DP! UR THOUGHTS ODNT FEEEL LIKE U, CANT REMEMBER OW U USE TO THINK! U BECOME OVERLY AWARE, DEVELOP SOME STUPID OCD PHOBIAS! BUT HEY ITS JUST A FUCKIN THOUGHT LOOP! BREAK OUT OF IT, STOP THE RUMINATION OF EXISTENTIAL NONSENSE, FOCUS UR THOUGHTS ON UR REALITY, AND HOW U CAN IMPROVE YOURSELF, AND OTHERS. YOUR ALL FUKIN SMART, U MUST GIVE THIS UP, ITS VERY EASY. JUST LET GO! DONT REACT TO NETHING, AND JUST ACT. THE END!


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## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

It has literally been god awful for me. I'm a 15 year old boy.. never done anything wrong... but here I am, wasting away because of my own stupid panicked thoughts. All of the things you've said are true, and for me, I will start thinking about how weird life is, and then I will feel pure panic and hopelessness. I'll eventually cool off and I will tell myself that I am normal and shouldn't think this. But amazingly, the same thought comes back a few hours later and I have to fight it again. I've already answered that question in my head.

Next time you feel this way, tell it to fuck off and tell yourself that it is JUST ANXIETY, JUST DP. It's all in your own head. I just need to be strong enough to actually begin living again.


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## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

And the thing is too... for me, it is all in my thoughts. It's a vicious cycle of constant fixation. The only time I feel normal is when I am not thinking about how weird life is. This means that I am literally fixating on the obsessive thoughts all day long, leading to depersonalization, helplessness, and extreme anxiety. I feel totally normal while I'm not thinking about how weird life is. However, while I'm anxious (90% of the day), looking back on those normal moments makes me think that I'm in a haze while they were happening... Because time flies when you're having fun. But I wasn't in a haze as it was happening, just looking back on the moment, it doesn't seem like I was. . I was feeling totally fine while I was feeling normal.

Also, does anyone else sit and "analyze" their day? I'll sit and think "hmmm, earlier today when I had lunch, was I thinking about life's existence?" "When I was laughing in Biology class today, how was I feeling?"


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## Spadde (Oct 29, 2013)

I feel alot like you all do. I panic about the fact that life excists and that I exist and that ANYTHING exists. I have been feeling like this for 7-8 months now. a few months ago I cared less about it because I was enjoying life to a small degree, but this last 2 weeks it has gotten worse, I have become depressed again and with more panic and anxiety. Its hard to live, and I dont know why Im alive or what anyone is doing here. Sometime I can look at my mom and my dad and think "is there really a person inside that body or is there nothing, am I alone in the universe". Im trying to find ways to make myself be happier but I havent found one. All I do allday is sit at home and browse the internet/play games/feel panicked.

I just wish I could be the person I was 1 year ago.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

i feel your pain. Although i dont have the exact same thoughts. I dont mind that people are here and life exists. its just that i feel like i shouldnt be here because i dont know anything. I just was born and copied my parents and i dont know any different. And feel like im not a person because i came from them (weird i know) , i also feel terrified to see and hear. and wonder how my mind understands things. Its so weird. I feel like i shouldnt be anywhere.


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## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

Thanks to ALL for replying!

Spadde, I know exactly what you mean, I really know this thought when look at parents or another person "is there really a person inside that body"
i have exaxtly this thoughs.

Also same for me about all I do is to sit home and browse on internet/play games/have anxiety/panicked

sometimes I can sit with computer and do nothing, just look on the screen and feel empty.

can you or someone here feel the anxiety feels like burning/ scathing sensation inside?



Spadde said:


> I feel alot like you all do. I panic about the fact that life excists and that I exist and that ANYTHING exists. I have been feeling like this for 7-8 months now. a few months ago I cared less about it because I was enjoying life to a small degree, but this last 2 weeks it has gotten worse, I have become depressed again and with more panic and anxiety. Its hard to live, and I dont know why Im alive or what anyone is doing here. Sometime I can look at my mom and my dad and think "is there really a person inside that body or is there nothing, am I alone in the universe". Im trying to find ways to make myself be happier but I havent found one. All I do allday is sit at home and browse the internet/play games/feel panicked.
> 
> I just wish I could be the person I was 1 year ago.


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## silenttiger (Jul 9, 2014)

MusicaElectronica said:


> i can relate 100%. I have analytical thinking about everything. For example how can I think, how can i see. and so on. it feels just wierd and it scares me a lot.
> 
> when you are with people..do u feel like me that you feeling strange/stupid and its hard with eye contact?


Yeah sometimes I question rather i'm just in the world alone or if im schizophrenic and everyone is a hallucination .. but we have to remember these thoughts are irrational.. the more we dwell on the thoughts the more we cant stop thinking about it, these thoughts diminish life. I think the more we engage the better will be its just hard because the thoughts come so naturally ugh.


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## Pie25 (Jun 16, 2014)

Spadde said:


> I feel alot like you all do. I panic about the fact that life excists and that I exist and that ANYTHING exists. I have been feeling like this for 7-8 months now. a few months ago I cared less about it because I was enjoying life to a small degree, but this last 2 weeks it has gotten worse, I have become depressed again and with more panic and anxiety. Its hard to live, and I dont know why Im alive or what anyone is doing here. Sometime I can look at my mom and my dad and think "is there really a person inside that body or is there nothing, am I alone in the universe". Im trying to find ways to make myself be happier but I havent found one. All I do allday is sit at home and browse the internet/play games/feel panicked.
> 
> I just wish I could be the person I was 1 year ago.


If that can reassure you, that's exactly me


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## Leischa (Jul 10, 2014)

Hi everyone,

I, too, can identify with some things that you said. I especially relate to what MusicaElectronica said, that he suddenly starts wondering ''How can I see, how can I think?''. This has been happening to me since childhood. It always takes me offguard. I suddenly get very panicked and start wondering how I can actually be alive and controlling my own body. I wonder how I can make my body parts move, how I can pronounce words and sentences, how I can see, hear, interact with people...

When it happened to me as a kid I didn't worry too much about it but now that I work in a supermarket as a cashier, it's becoming harder and harder to deal with. I mean, what do you do when you get these panic attacks two to ten times a day while you're surrounded with customers who are all staring at you? It's really no fun.

I noticed that the bright lighting (and the fact that everything is yellow in the store) seems to trigger these episodes. I'll be working, everything's fine, and then I lift up my head and suddenly feel light headed and dizzy and start asking myself those questions and I instantly panic and think I'm just going to faint right there in front of everyone. The only thing that seems to help when this happens is to put my wrists on something very cold. But it doesn't prevent the attacks from coming back.

Do these episodes happen to you often and while you're doing something specific? Does it prevent you from living a normal life?


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## Pie25 (Jun 16, 2014)

For me, it can happens anywhere, anytime, whenever i'm thinking about philosophy, i often get to the point "How do i think?" and "How do i think "how do i think?"" etc, and i feel like i'll go mad with that viscious circle


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

yup thats it. and i also think. all my thinking is based on the fact that i have always been here. but i feel outside of it all/ hard to explain


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

like all my thinking is just learned information from being here.


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