# After 4 years of hell, something happened last night!



## Nowoptimistic (Mar 6, 2010)

So here is my story:

4 years ago as a younger teen i smoked weed and got very high. I remember the next day I saw one of my friends, about 16 hours after I smoked and remember saying to him, "haha dude i smoked last night and im still high!"

Well 4 years later, after seeing psychiatrists, getting MRI'S and many other scans that all of course told me I am healthy, I am sitting here and before you and if i was writing this yesterday morning i would be telling you that i have not had even 1 second of a clear world and have no hope at all. I have contemplated suicide, and have made decisions I normally wouldn't have, have lost friends and not made new ones simply because I didnt have the drive to do anything. The terrible thing about DP/DR is you have no drive to do anything so it is very difficult for you to get up and get help, and of course that in itself makes your DP worse, it is an endless cycle. BUT LAST NIGHT SOMETHING HAPPENED.

Last night i read the forum about somebody who has recovered 90% http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/18932-feeling-90-better-after-4-years-heres-how/ and this has changed my life. It was late last night and I was laying in bed with the laptop, I decided I needed some hope so I came to the recovery section. I read in detail every word that this gentleman posted and was for the first time filled with hope. I shut off my laptop and layed in bed with my mind thinking positive thoughts and really taking DP/DR head on and saying to myself that I can do it. I thought of all the great things in my life and apologized to myself for any extra trouble that i have caused. I looked at all my blessings and said to myself that my brain is ready to come out of its shell. During all of this my entire body was warm and tingly and my heart began racing. I looked around my room and began feeling maybe 10% more real at times, sometimes a bit more and and sometimes i bit less. This in itself made my feelings more intense and i felt almost as thought stress was being lifted and i was a light feather on my bed. Some doubts would creep into my mind but i would try and fight them. I was scared that if i got out of bed and broke my train of thought i would snap into complete DP/DR again. But after about 20 minutes of my body tingling and my heart racing I was feeling very good, so I opened my eyes and looked at my door, it felt so real. I got up out of bed, opened the door and looked down the hallway. What I saw made my knees shake and my breath stop. I saw the hallway almost without DP, I saw it like i used to as a kid. I ran into the other room and saw my cat laying down, and what happened next was the pinnacle of my last 4 years. I walked over to him and petted him, (We got this cat after i became DP'd so i never got to know him.) I reached out my hand and began petting him and without a doubt in my mind, it was the realest thing I have ever done, it felt realer than the sex i have had, realer than that first kiss on a date with a beautiful girl, I was at the time 80% better, for those moments. I felt my cat, I was there with my cat. I was shaking and i dropped down to my knees, arms over my face, crying of happiness. I am now awake in bed the next morning and although I am not feeling 80% better I do feel better than I ever have after just waking up and I am ready to begin on my road to recovery. You will recover, anyone can recover. Accept yourself for who you are, love yourself, you are amazing!


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## easyreader (Jan 25, 2010)

thats because the entire post is lifted from the DP manual, the only thing you need to recover.


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## Guest (Mar 6, 2010)

That is awesome. Recovery all starts with that first step.


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