# Save, Save, Save Me...



## Ora (Oct 18, 2010)

I have been on Effexor [the devil] at 300 mgs for over two years. It was wonderful in the begining, but now it has made my life a living hell. I have extremely vivid dreams to the point where I can barely tell a dream from reality. I will be awake but think that it is just a dream or be dreaming but think that it is real. Even as I sit here now I wonder if this is all real. 
I am scared that I am losing my mind. 
I have been extremely paranoid and have had high anxiety and stress. 
I feel panicked and scared that I am going to do something thinking that I am dreaming, but really get hurt. 
I have been thinking about cutting again, just so I can feel alive, so I can feel awake. 
I have been extremely irratible and moody. 
I am disconnected from my emotions, I know I should feel angry about certain things but I just feel numb.
I was wondering if anyone had anythings that help them cope, or helps bring them back to reality? 
-Ora


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## Smallz (Oct 18, 2010)

you are not losing your mind at all!! i've been living with DP now for 6 months. there are many highs and a few lows with my experience. i have had the same problems that you are. it's a horrible feeling! i don't think cutting is a way to feel, and obviously you don't want to do it really. for me, it took baby steps. i can remember when i couldn't leave my couch. i would be curled up in a ball all day and all night. then one day i decided i had to get up, i needed some fresh air. i only made it to my garage, but i saw that as progress. it was kind of intriguing for me to sit out there and watch the trees sway and to watch the wind move (not that i could see air). but we have a heightened senses in this experience. we see things unlike any other person. i know this is all very scary and seems as though it will last forever. DP will take control and consume you if you don't try little things to overcome it.


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## Ora (Oct 18, 2010)

Luckily I am still functional, I still go to work, I try my best to get out. I just went out on my lunch break and it was good to feel the wind blowing against me, I felt awake, I felt alive. 
I am slowly coming down off the effexor, I am on 150mg now. I am starting to have withdrawl: horrible headaches, moodiness/irratability, and I still feel disconnected, and I am still trying to decipher reality from dreams.


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## Ora (Oct 18, 2010)

I am having pretty bad withdrawal. My doctor decided to put me on Prozac to help with the withdrawal. I don't want to be on another drug that I can become dependent on. I am afraid that I am going to become dependent on Prozac and having the same issue again that I had with Effexor.


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## am_i_dreaming_plz_help (Oct 22, 2010)

Ora said:


> I have been on Effexor [the devil] at 300 mgs for over two years. It was wonderful in the begining, but now it has made my life a living hell. I have extremely vivid dreams to the point where I can barely tell a dream from reality. I will be awake but think that it is just a dream or be dreaming but think that it is real. Even as I sit here now I wonder if this is all real.
> I am scared that I am losing my mind.
> I have been extremely paranoid and have had high anxiety and stress.
> I feel panicked and scared that I am going to do something thinking that I am dreaming, but really get hurt.
> ...


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## am_i_dreaming_plz_help (Oct 22, 2010)

Hi I am bipolar and dp and I know how it feels. I am not under medication but yesterday I felt manic and wanted to punch walls. I know how it feels to be confused by reality. It makes me wonder if this is real or maybe we are dreaming in a dream. Have you seem the movie The animatrix a boy story? it makes sense, watch it. Well all I could say it try to take a small doses on your medication , cut it in half and drink a lot of water and try to stay calm....


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## Ora (Oct 18, 2010)

I am really scared. I spent most of the night last night arguing with myself. I wanted to SI and just escape and end it all. But part of me did not want to do that. I spent over an hour just sitting on my bed saying 'I don't want to'and rocking back and forth. I am scared because I don't know what is real anymore. I kept having thoughts of different ways to SI or do the other thing. I know in my heart that I don't really want to end it and that I don't want to SI. But I keep thinking about. I am really scared. 
I am at work right now but I cannot focus. I want to cry and part of me wants to die. I don't know what to do.


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## Deleted Account (Jul 26, 2010)

this breaks my heart, I see us all suffering and I can't do anything. I send you love and peace


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## faeriewoman (Oct 28, 2010)

Ora said:


> I am really scared. I spent most of the night last night arguing with myself. I wanted to SI and just escape and end it all. But part of me did not want to do that. I spent over an hour just sitting on my bed saying 'I don't want to'and rocking back and forth. I am scared because I don't know what is real anymore. I kept having thoughts of different ways to SI or do the other thing. I know in my heart that I don't really want to end it and that I don't want to SI. But I keep thinking about. I am really scared.
> I am at work right now but I cannot focus. I want to cry and part of me wants to die. I don't know what to do.


 I know exactly where you are coming from.....I was there...I couldn't sleep I could't even eat....nothing was real to me......try not to panic.....as you can see with this sight many have gone through what you are going through...the panic of course increases the feeling and it can be a vicious cycle....but we can break free from it......I know if I have come to the point I am at with the d.p. made it this far out (not all the way yet) that you can too!!!...when I was at my worst I thought I was never going to find my way out that I was flawed and could't be fixed.At times I was convinced I had a tumor in my brain that was blocking my memories of myself and my life .....my strategy is to K.I.S.S wich stands for keep it simple stupid. whatever you can to calm your mind....I know it can be hard to find....at first for me it was just trying to find anything familiar......my blankets were one thing....or my green walls..etc....I hope this is helpful to you......bottom line you can find a way out.....be patient with yourself give yourself the same compasion you would to a scared child.....most of us I think has a scared inner child that needs our love.

many blessings on your road to wellness!!!


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