# My mother isn't going to control my life anymore



## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

No more guilt. No more commands. Wanna argue? Of course you do. You're miserable. Well, I'm not.

No more waiting for help - I'm going to get it myself. No more zombified states of consciousness brought on by drug or environment.

Yes please to sane medication policies. Yes to contentment. Yes to a healthy mind/body. Yes to balance. Yes to learning the art of how to form and keep healthy relationships. Yes to curiosity.

No bipolar symptoms destroying my life. I will ALWAYS rebuild...and I'll have help along the way.

I've learned to sabotage any relationship I've had....I've been so alone for so long. I've been afraid to feel and trust my intuition. Not anymore.

I will try my best to unlearn what has been drilled into my head for 23 years. I don't need to move on. I could stay a slave and puppet. I don't want to.

No more letting my therapist collude with her without me to intimidate and control my emotions and life (he's being investigated  - See ya around Julio!).

I spoke to a mental health service provider over the phone and she was appalled by what she heard. She was a total sweetheart, too. It's nice when you say something and someone else thoughtfully listens and responds genuinely from the heart! Isn't that neat?

No more bullies in control of my psyche - fuck that. No more major stress from bullying in therapeutic settings or otherwise driving me to wander the streets in a psychotic haze. No more letting myself getting sucked into it anymore. No more being a bully myself....and if I get carried away you're damned right I'll feel gutted if I hurt someone. I'm a fucking human being. It's stupid to be an asshole and you feel like shit.

The cycle WILL end because I will end it.



Her way isn't the right way. She is the agent of her own destruction. My father is the agent of his own damnation. I am the agent of my salvation. There are others out there waiting to meet someone. They'd be happy just to talk a while. Wouldn't that be nice? To bond with another person? Love, reason, and understanding will conquer any little dictator.

If there is a loving god and it is good, then I hope it lets everyone see the error of their ways. I want to see all of mine.

Change happens every single moment. I'm going along with the current.


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## Linguos (Jan 12, 2012)

Good luck!


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

Linguos said:


> Good luck!


Thanks. .

It won't be easy, but I'm willing to build character.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

To anyone else out there....ask yourself....does this resonate with you? Do you feel like he described? Meditate on that.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

Good videos. Very good info.

if you're interested -











Don't get yourself sucked in. Save yourself and save your heart.


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## themaxx10 (Nov 20, 2013)

Congratulations on your big step forward. I'm sure there will be challenges ahead, but your words ring true.

Keep us updated on your progress!


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

themaxx10 said:


> Congratulations on your big step forward. I'm sure there will be challenges ahead, but your words ring true.
> 
> Keep us updated on your progress!


Thank you! Oh yes there will be. I have to keep myself sane....that's the big one. Luckily, I have a very loving, understanding, and wise grandmother, and her husband is just great. I am alienated from pretty much everyone else...but I have to start from somewhere.

I'll try to. I'm sorry if my writing isn't so graceful, I am actually hypomanic right now and without much sleep. It's kind of hard trying to take care of yourself, dodge manipulation, try to keep my brain from going out, realize what's true/fale, and seeking support all on your own (after 23 years of not).

The lady on the phone said to focus on my breath...I need to do that.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

Fearless said:


> Once you understand an N, they lose all power over you.
> 
> U R stronger than her, and you are a lot more valuable human being.
> 
> Don't give up.


Thanks, man. I know we haven't really communicated much, but it's good to hear from you. How have you been doing yourself?

I won't.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

You know, I used to have obsessions about being a narcissist or psychopath. Funny.

I was just a mirror....for a long time I just reflected.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

Just trying to focus on the music . It's hard not to get caught up in novelty.

*[edit]:* I just need to focus on myself a lot and work through a lot of issues about codependence, independence, and insecurity before I jump into anything really deep...I feel guilty for saying that, but I shouldn't. I can be a very empathetic and loving person, but certain skills were never learned that need to be...so right now....at the moment, after all that's happened....I'm sort of a mess.

I've been through *a lot* recently and I need time to recover . There shouldn't be shame in that, and if a person tries to make me feel that way they're terrible at being a person. I have basic emotional needs that need to be taken care of. That DOES NOT make me selfish, no matter how many times my mother tries to wash my brain.


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