# Do I have DP/DR?



## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

I'll start with a *trigger warning* incase someone reading this might identify too strongly with what I'm writing, it's difficult to express but I know I need to get it out there to someone.

The bulk of my issues came from smoking marijuana and a full-blown panic attack several weeks ago.
Here are some of the symptoms I've been experiencing:

1. I can't be sure about anything, even my previous sentence. As during my marijuana induced 'bad trip' made me question the validity of thoughts and logic itself, very scary stuff since it can make me suspect about all my beliefs, memories and understanding about the world even though I instinctively feel this is probably delusional.

2. Existential rumination, feelings of extreme depression because I'll get in to a thought loop about how everything is meaningless, including my own thoughts and feelings and hence there is no possible escape from this.

3. This leads to me being confused about my own feelings, i.e what is happiness and sadness? Are these arbitray? What is anything really?

4. All this combined just leads to a mind state of 'what...the...fuck'. It causes anxiety which seems very real, and sometimes it goes away for a while and I feel like a 'semi-normal', although I can't even rememeber what 'normal' is.

5. Visually not much has changed, colors seem brighter and seem to agitate me a bit.

6. Sleep problems, big time. I know that lack of sleep can fuel these weird thoughts and feelings, but I just can't get a good night's rest. I have to wait until early morning and it takes about 1-2 hours to go to sleep. I keep waking up disoriented and feeling like I don't know where I am or who I am. This goes away after the anxiety snaps me back to reality.

Due to all this I definitely feel that I'm losing it or have lost it. How can one function with such a jumbled mind state? How do I recover from crippling anxiety/depression when thinking about these things makes me feel like I broke my psyche?


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## intothequarry (May 16, 2015)

I'm right there with you.. rather, I was just a month or two ago. Although I still have bad days.. its not as horrible anymore. I used to constantly think about "what's the point in living" I laid in bed for 2 days straight but I got over the thoughts by just letting them be. I didn't do anything about it..I couldn't. I just got so tired of these thoughts that I subconsciously ignored them..Fuck those thoughts. The person you were before your brain shifted wouldn't think that so, just wait til you get some of that back.


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## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

intothequarry said:


> I'm right there with you.. rather, I was just a month or two ago. Although I still have bad days.. its not as horrible anymore. I used to constantly think about "what's the point in living" I laid in bed for 2 days straight but I got over the thoughts by just letting them be. I didn't do anything about it..I couldn't. I just got so tired of these thoughts that I subconsciously ignored them..Fuck those thoughts. The person you were before your brain shifted wouldn't think that so, just wait til you get some of that back.


That's true, I do get glimpses of normalcy now and then but I can't help but wonder is it my condition creating all these thoughts or are these thoughts fuelling the condition (in which case, I'll never be able to stop looking for answers)


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## intothequarry (May 16, 2015)

I mean does it really matter? I know one thing about this condition and that it doesnt allow you to accept any answer so.. Just let it go. Take your good days for what they are and dismiss the bad ones just the same.


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## Confusedandtired (Aug 11, 2015)

That's textbook DP/DR OP in my opinion. I can relate to many of those symptoms and mine was caused by a panic attack that occurred after smoking weed.

The only cure is time and acceptance.


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