# suffering from existential rumination, need advice



## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I can't quiet my mind no matter what I do. It's been almost 4 years now and I'm drained. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I am on a diet and exercise regularly. I work, go out with friends, moved out of my parents and live on my own, follow a strict supplement regimen. I feel like I'm doing everything I should but seeing no results.

I think part of my problem is mental. The existential questions are killing me. For example I will wonder how do I know anything is real? And that question will eat me alive. What am I doing wrong and what should I do? I am sick of living with this illness.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> I can't quiet my mind no matter what I do. It's been almost 4 years now and I'm drained. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I am on a diet and exercise regularly. I work, go out with friends, moved out of my parents and live on my own, follow a strict supplement regimen. I feel like I'm doing everything I should but seeing no results.
> 
> I think part of my problem is mental. The existential questions are killing me. For example I will wonder how do I know anything is real? And that question will eat me alive. What am I doing wrong and what should I do? I am sick of living with this illness.


As you may already know, most of my posts were about existential angst, as it is what makes me suffer the most, but I must admit I don't really do a lot to try and get better, I barely exercise, and my food regimen has been quite bad lately, but I do try all of the rest and nothing seems to help (except for my regular medication and diazepam ocasionally, which helps a lot) , so yeah I'd also be thankful if you people could give us some hints


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Ya seriously. I am about to check myself into a hospital with dancingwobbler. I was more ok on suboxone. It made me not think about this shit, but at the same time it didn't make me any better. Today is day 6 off of it, I'm sure that's why I feel the way I do. I don't want to take some stupid drug though that just masks my pain, I want to fucking get better and live again. Ahhhh I'm so fuckkkking pissed right now. /rant.


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## Guest013 (Apr 26, 2010)

Life is only as real as you make it. It sounds like you are definitely on the right track, but you also seem to do "self checks" a lot. As long as you are self checking every morning, you will never recover. I know... "WTF, how am I not suppose to not self check when I wake up!?". I don't have an answer to that, but I think you being able to stop obsessing over the disease is the last step to recover.


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## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

Hey surfingisfun i remember you posted once saying you were allergic to everything (basically). I'm quite similar and i've just started this new program, kindof just for something to put my energy into and kindof hoping it might have some positive affects. Its basically goes into that many of us are not as intolerant to food chemicals as we think, its just that we arent eating them in the correct, digestable form. Its quite fascinating.
I know the best thing when you've got the philosophical mind eating thoughts taking over your head is to keep your mind occupied so i really think you should look into this program. 
Heres the website:
http://nourishedmagazine.com.au/blog/articles/bread-dread-are-you-really-gluten-intolerant
Anyway i really recommend your order the book "whole dont mean wholesome". Im reading it at the moment and im finding it really interesting. 
I'm making a batch of bread tis morning








I dunno if this was really the type of response you were looking for but i just think keeping yourslef from ruminating is the main thing here!


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey thanks. I'm actually doing a rotation diet so I eat beef and corn one day, chicken and veggies the next, then pork, then fish. It is kinda fun, it's something to do. I enjoy cooking too. What all are you allergic to and how did you find out? Are you allergic or are they sensitivities? I guess mine are mainly sensitivities but I am allergic to wheat. So if I don't eat them for 90 days my gut will heal then I can slowly start introducing them again. Sometimes it's really hard though. I've already messed up a lot.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Putting the biological stuff aside, I think it all boils down to bad self-esteem (is that how you spell it?) and fear. None of which you of all people should suffer from. I have known you for years and the things you do and the person you are is just power and epicness. I think you need to learn to embrace that and understand that about yourself, how awesome you are.


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## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Hey thanks. I'm actually doing a rotation diet so I eat beef and corn one day, chicken and veggies the next, then pork, then fish. It is kinda fun, it's something to do. I enjoy cooking too. What all are you allergic to and how did you find out? Are you allergic or are they sensitivities? I guess mine are mainly sensitivities but I am allergic to wheat. So if I don't eat them for 90 days my gut will heal then I can slowly start introducing them again. Sometimes it's really hard though. I've already messed up a lot.


Is that diet from a nutritionist or something? Is that where you cant have any flavourings or anything? 
I kindof did an elimination diet to find out what upsets me, and its mainly gluten(wheat) and lactose(milk). I'm not allergic, im just intoolerant because i get horrible stomach pains, chronic fatigue and that type of thing when i eat those things. I'm pretty lucky because my mums very allergic to preservatives and my dads very allergic to sulphites(onions, garlic and all those dellicious things!!)
Maybe when your done with that diet you could look into the one i'm on, because with it i can eat the foods that i know upset me, i just have to prepare them the right way. (if that makes sense.) 
Also, this website is fantastic, since you like cooking, seriously its amazing. It gives you all the alternatives you can have to the foods your allergic to so for instance you can still make muffins, cakes or whatever. Check it out: 
http://www.wholelifenutrition.net/
COOKING IS SO MUCH FUN!!


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## ElectricRelaxation (May 2, 2010)

Step 1: Develop amazing athletic swimmers body

Step 2: Drink to lower anxiety before going out and pick up a chick.

Step 3: Do the dirty dirty in the sheets

Repeat this atleast 3 times a week for 2 weeks straight and then report back to me whether you still have to have existential thoughts, instead of getting the most fun out of life.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Inzom said:


> Putting the biological stuff aside, I think it all boils down to bad self-esteem (is that how you spell it?) and fear. None of which you of all people should suffer from. I have known you for years and the things you do and the person you are is just power and epicness. I think you need to learn to embrace that and understand that about yourself, how awesome you are.


I don't dislike who I am, I just feel as though I have lost the person I once loved.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

match_stick_1 said:


> Is that diet from a nutritionist or something? Is that where you cant have any flavourings or anything?
> I kindof did an elimination diet to find out what upsets me, and its mainly gluten(wheat) and lactose(milk). I'm not allergic, im just intoolerant because i get horrible stomach pains, chronic fatigue and that type of thing when i eat those things. I'm pretty lucky because my mums very allergic to preservatives and my dads very allergic to sulphites(onions, garlic and all those dellicious things!!)
> Maybe when your done with that diet you could look into the one i'm on, because with it i can eat the foods that i know upset me, i just have to prepare them the right way. (if that makes sense.)
> Also, this website is fantastic, since you like cooking, seriously its amazing. It gives you all the alternatives you can have to the foods your allergic to so for instance you can still make muffins, cakes or whatever. Check it out:
> ...


Very cool, I will check out the website in a sec. I am going to a nutritionist right now. She did a blood test that showed I had 35 food sensitivites to basically everything but meat and most veggies. I use to have horrible stomach pains too. It felt like someone was stabbing my gut with a knife and wiggling it around. I never knew why either, I thought it was just from stress but now that I haven't been eating these foods I'm sensitive to my stomach feels great. Actually last night I splurged on a pizza so I don't feel that great at the moment but I've noticed a big improvement. I have bad fatigue too which probably has to do with food as well. My gut is really messed up so if I eat too much of anything I become sensitive to it. That's why I have to rotate foods every 4 days. I read somewhere that wheat negatively affects 75% of people in some way or another. Dairy isn't suppose to be good for people either. Cheese is so good though, that's the one thing I miss the most - CHEEEESEEE!!! Thanks again for the link. If you know any good recipies send em my way. One of my favorite things to make are tacos. I fry up chorizo, beef, bacon, and potatoes. Put avocado, onion, bell pepper, and celantro in a warm corn tortilla with some lime..... YUM!


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

ElectricRelaxation said:


> Step 1: Develop amazing athletic swimmers body
> 
> Step 2: Drink to lower anxiety before going out and pick up a chick.
> 
> ...


I'm writing this on my hand as we speak... except she might see it on my hand... oh, I know I'll write it on my shoe! ...but I might forget to look at my shoe. I could tattoo it on my ass, I surely won't forget that.


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## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> If you know any good recipies send em my way.


Hmm are you sure? I'll probably start bombarding you with recipes now.
What type are you after? - Dinners?, Desserts? Things to bake?
Btw, if you cant have dairy, i strongly recommend you try sheeps (and some)goats milk products. If your a yoghurt addict like me, you'll love sheeps milk yoghurt. Seriously its so thick and creamy. YUM!! Also if you look in the cheese section at your loca wholefoods store, theres usually plenty of cheeses made from goats and sheeps milk and they are really good


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## Carrie (Jun 10, 2010)

I'm convinced that my dog cured me. If I'm caring about Daisy, I could care less about the universe and the existence of aliens.


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