# My biggest worry ...My altered consciousness will it ever be the same ?



## MrFedUp (Aug 11, 2016)

I'm currently on holiday in a beautiful part of Spain, hoping the time away would help me chill out and relax. I do feel chilled out and relaxed ... along with feeling spaced out and drunk like I have done for the past 20 months !

My state of consciousness is so altered, when I'm awake and talking I'm not there I'm asleep or somewhere else... my body is present but my mind is gone 

If I have been this way for 20 months how the hell will I ever be back to normal ?! My brain has forgot what normal consciousness is and I'm stuck constantly in a semi awake state.

Has anybody fully recovered from this after having it for so long ?! My life doesn't even feel like living at the moment I've spent a fortune to come on holiday and I may aswel be watching a VR YouTube video of Spain... my whole day to day life is me watching my life through someone else's eyes.

If any of you have seen the new horror film "Get Out" when he is hypnotised and he is stuck in the black space watching his body be used by someone else that is what this awful illness is like ....

Please someone tell me I'll be okay, I've lost all hope 

3 months of duloxetne 30mg at the start I thought it was helping but does nothing now.


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## Akkie (Mar 5, 2017)

Hi, 
In my previous period of dp/dr, 9 years ago, I had also an altered consciousness. Unfortunatly it came back 2 months ago. But 9 years ago it went voor 70% in about 18 months. The next 30% in another year.


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Hey, i can't promise you anything, but i was in a state when my mind was separated from my body, i didn't feel my body, didn't recognize myself, i couldn't even understand am i a woman or a man and so on, but meds brought almost everything back, my identity is back, dr is not so intensed and i can feel my body again, though i'm still anxious, depressed and sufferring, but it is nothing in comparison with what it used to be. Now i'm miserable person, before i was a dead scared nothing. So it is reversable for sure. Maybe soon u'll find your way out, hang on to hope.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Marinkawr said:


> Hey, i can't promise you anything, but i was in a state when my mind was separated from my body, i didn't feel my body, didn't recognize myself, i couldn't even understand am i a woman or a man and so on, but meds brought almost everything back, my identity is back, dr is not so intensed and i can feel my body again, though i'm still anxious, depressed and sufferring, but it is nothing in comparison with what it used to be. Now i'm miserable person, before i was a dead scared nothing. So it is reversable for sure. Maybe soon u'll find your way out, hang on to hope.


Gotta admit, it's kind of funny when you say it will be okay, because you made it all the way to 'miserable person' and that's a win 

Seriously tho it's good to read you are back to a person again and coping  I noticed new happy photos of you on facebook and was wondering if you were really better or only acting 

But yeah MrFedUp you can absolutely make it back again. I've had this my whole life and i'm getting better and better, day by day! I think a big thing that's good for recovery, that's not mentioned very often, is achieving goals! It doesn't matter what they are, or how small or big. Make sure everyday you are doing a little bit of progress! If that means 5min walk everyday, that's what you do, and then you write it down! Then as time goes by you get further and further. it's something about making actual progress and meaningful results that gets you back in reality and fills you with positive emotions!


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## mind.divided (Jul 2, 2015)

You have to accept the dissociation and the thoughts that come with it. Anxiety fuels the condition so accepting it will make it better. It breaks the cycle that keeps it going. What you resist persists


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## Photogenic_Potato (Mar 16, 2016)

I agree with mind.divided.

There are times where i will be aware that my thinking and thought process has changed but that is who i am now. Its not even necessarily a bad thing once you either get used to it or rather learn to use it to your advantage. And thats how most of these symptoms should be taken honestly. Allot of people come here wanting everything to be okay and are honestly just searching for someone to say those words to them. But why? I my self dont know even today, because i used to be like that and when it gets tough or the dp/dr spikes, i get like that all over again. Its almost like the for people like us, hope is a drug. And we need more and more of it than most people would just to even consider attempting to continue on in life. But hopefully you understand by now that thats not how you should be. You should understand that even though things might seem crazy difficult right now that we have all felt like that at sometime and yet here we are writing to you and many other with our advice and you will be doing the same later on as well. Im active on this site (more than i should be) so if youd like to message me just to talk or trade stories or just to have another human being to connect to. Hang in there.


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## Yas (Aug 8, 2015)

Marinkawr said:


> Hey, i can't promise you anything, but i was in a state when my mind was separated from my body, i didn't feel my body, didn't recognize myself, i couldn't even understand am i a woman or a man and so on, but meds brought almost everything back, my identity is back, dr is not so intensed and i can feel my body again, though i'm still anxious, depressed and sufferring, but it is nothing in comparison with what it used to be. Now i'm miserable person, before i was a dead scared nothing. So it is reversable for sure. Maybe soon u'll find your way out, hang on to hope.


What meds may i ask


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

I take cymbalta


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Pondererer said:


> Gotta admit, it's kind of funny when you say it will be okay, because you made it all the way to 'miserable person' and that's a win
> 
> Seriously tho it's good to read you are back to a person again and coping  I noticed new happy photos of you on facebook and was wondering if you were really better or only acting
> 
> But yeah MrFedUp you can absolutely make it back again. I've had this my whole life and i'm getting better and better, day by day! I think a big thing that's good for recovery, that's not mentioned very often, is achieving goals! It doesn't matter what they are, or how small or big. Make sure everyday you are doing a little bit of progress! If that means 5min walk everyday, that's what you do, and then you write it down! Then as time goes by you get further and further. it's something about making actual progress and meaningful results that gets you back in reality and fills you with positive emotions!


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Haha you are right but the thing is in my state at the moment it is my choice now to be miserable, there are days when i'm ok, now its more about what kind of reaction i give. With a good company i feel fine, not excellent but i can laugh and have fun, when im by myself it is dangerous) i start to feel lonely and melancholic. A lot of my emotions are back, i can love and miss someone not in full obviously though its enough to feel human again. Unfortunately i cant feel any interest in doing anything, its getting easier to do it, but doesnt bring me fun. But im not so depressed as i used to. I can say the main two problems for me are fatigue and anxious state of my body. But im saying you can be ok because the way i feel now its waaaaay to good in comparison to even 2 month ago. Im just not thankful maybe, i just want to be normal again i guess, that's what keeping me sad.


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