# Need some reassurance (actually, I need a lot)



## Sam1814 (Dec 24, 2014)

I've been in a panic since this all started in mid december. (As you can tell from my previous posts.) And I had crippling panic attacks on a daily basis.. and when i wasn't having a full blown attack, i would ALWAYS feel like one was coming; Rapid heart beat, clammy, sick to my stomach, ringing ears, etc.. But in the last month, the panic has just about all gone away.. In those moments of a "new symptom" popping up, i feel the panic attack coming on of course, but the general DP/DR feelings don't make me panic 24 hours a day anymore.. Im still scared, and uncomfortable, and feel like I'm losing my mind- but I'm not "panicking" anymore per se.. What does this mean? That I'm actually giving in to the madness? Or that my mind/body is growing accustomed to these horrible state? (god forbid its that, because i don't ever want to feel "used to" this) Can anyone relate?

Also, as another member posted- my worst and most uncomfortable symptom is the memory loss, and lack of connection to ourselves before we got DP/DR... I can't remember how I felt, or how I acted, or ANYTHING about "me" before DP/DR.. I keep saying I want to go back to the "old me" but I don't even remember what that feels like.. When a memory pops in to my mind, it scares the hell out of me, because it feels so unfamiliar. It feels like it happened to someone else.. Its so bad, that I truly wonder if some of my memories ever even really happened.... Can anyone relate?

The unfamiliarity of people and places, is the most crippling part of my life.. Today, on my way back to work after my lunch break, for just a brief moment NOTHING and i mean NOTHING looked familiar.. It was like I was seeing it all for the first time... Instant panic attack.. Some how my conscious got me to work, but it was so upsetting.... I seriously considered quitting, and never leaving home again.. I have breakfast with my parents every Sunday, and it is absolute torture.. For my wonderful parents to look familiar, yet UNFAMILIAR to me, at the same time???? It makes me physically sick.. I have been their child for 30 years.. How is this possible? My own boyfriend of 3 years, even seems unfamiliar... My home that I purchased 2 years ago, seems so foreign... Is it such a far cry to be scared that I'm going to forget how to get home? Or who I used to be? Or who I am now? Can anyone relate?


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

We should first understand what causes panic attacks, in this case.



> When our brains receive a massive surge of nervous signals designed to warn us of imminent danger, the Amygdala, a part of the brain, is activated. The Amygdala controls out anxious response. Some people's Amygdala reacts with anxiety when there is no imminent danger, making it much more likely that they will experience high anxiety and panic attacks. When we are given the signal to react with anxiety, we produce Adrenaline (epinephrine). Adrenaline is released in the Adrenal Glands. Some people call adrenaline the "fright or flight" hormone. A release of adrenaline into your system can:
> 
> 
> Raise your heartbeat.
> ...


Using the information above, I don't believe that getting used to it is the right phrase. More or so, it just means that you're not stressing out about it as much as you were. That's, of course, the judgement I'm making from the information you're giving. Although I'm making this judgement, I can tell you with certainty that you are not "succumbing" to madness. Experiencing Depersonalization may feel like you're going crazy or that it's indicative of other, more severe diseases, but most of the time it's really just as simple as having anxiety. Try to understand that there's a reason you're feeling this way, but also remember that it's not the feeling of psychosis - nor will it ever be.

I can relate to the memory problem. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember what I did in the morning, let alone years in my past. It gets difficult to remember certain parts of my life, even the biggest events, but I've equated it to mental exhaustion. To clarify, think about what happens when we experience Depersonalization. We think, all of the time. Our minds are so preoccupied with our immediate unreality, the potential risks it has, the symptoms we have, the rumination, the emotions, etc.. that it mentally exhausts us. It's a bit like physical exertion.

You're exercising one day, lifting weights and really pushing yourself to the limits. Your arms are tired, weak, and lack the energy they had before the work-out. You go home after you work-out and someone asks you to lift up a box. Well, you're going to have a pretty difficult time lifting that box because the energy in your arms is just non-existent. That's why I've always said that memory problems and other comprehension problems are brought on by thinking so much. We put our heads into Depersonalization too awful much and when we finally get a moment of solace, we can't think straight because our mind doesn't know anything else other than the lack of energy pulled from thinking. People can feel free to disagree with me, but that's just what I've found through my experiences.

Regardless, you still have that energy. It may take a bit longer to get that energy to back, to be able to think on your feet and react quickly to memories you know have happened, but your mind is still there. You won't forget how to get home, who you were, and who you are now. You're just exhausted from thinking, in my opinion. What I did to help my memory issues was, more or less, just to relax and live a healthy lifestyle. Eat right, get on a proper sleep schedule, etc. If we continue to strain our brain, we're not going to have the energy left for other things - especially memory.

I hope this helps. Best of luck.


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## Irene (Nov 13, 2014)

Sam1814 said:


> The unfamiliarity of people and places, is the most crippling part of my life.. Today, on my way back to work after my lunch break, for just a brief moment NOTHING and i mean NOTHING looked familiar.. It was like I was seeing it all for the first time... Instant panic attack.. Some how my conscious got me to work, but it was so upsetting.... I seriously considered quitting, and never leaving home again.. I have breakfast with my parents every Sunday, and it is absolute torture.. For my wonderful parents to look familiar, yet UNFAMILIAR to me, at the same time???? It makes me physically sick.. I have been their child for 30 years.. How is this possible? My own boyfriend of 3 years, even seems unfamiliar... My home that I purchased 2 years ago, seems so foreign... Is it such a far cry to be scared that I'm going to forget how to get home? Or who I used to be? Or who I am now? Can anyone relate?


I can totally relate.The first time I felt this was in high school...I didn't recognize myself in the mirror.That scared the crap out of me and I tripped out on that for awhile.It finally went away when I told myself that it just "seems" as though I don't recognize myself but in reality I know what I look like.
Then years later it happened to me again this time while I was driving home from work.Nothing looked familiar and I truly felt like I didn't know where I was going for about a minute.It scared the living hell out of me! This still happens to me when I'm under a lot of stress or I'm overwhelmed.My family seems unfamiliar along with my co workers, and just everything in my surroundings seem so foreign.
So yes I can relate to you and yes this is by far one of the most scariest sensation of DP/DR. Try to find ways to relax and make yourself calm...that usually helps for a bit.


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## Sam1814 (Dec 24, 2014)

I honestly don't know how people survive this.


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