# Hey everyone (this is pretty long, sorry)



## Peebles8 (Sep 10, 2013)

Hi, 
I've never joined a forum of any kind before so I'm very new to this and not really sure what to say... But here goes;
I stumbled across this forum when I first found out that I had dpd in 2008 but never joined for some reason, in hindsight I realize it could have been very helpful in the beginning. My dpd is chronic and was triggered after I had a panic attack while trying weed for the first time. It's been with me every second of every day since then, going on 6 years soon. When it first started, the fear and confusion caused me to drop out of school and completely lock myself away from the world for seven months. It lead to severe social anxiety and agoraphobia, I lost all my friends but one, and didn't leave the house at all during these months. Eventually I had a breakdown and was begging my mom to help me find help. Almost 6 years later, after lots of CBT, doctors, and medication (more for the anxiety and depression brought on by the dpd than the actual dpd itself), and most importantly: acceptance, I'm happy. I have a new life, I'm in a happy relationship with the most amazing, caring, patient and understanding man I've ever met, have my own apartment... Things that I never thought I'd be able to have when this all started. The dpd is still here all the time, but I'm no longer burdened, and barely ever bothered, by it. I'm still struggling with severe anxiety but am getting better. I guess the point of my post is that it will get better. It'll be difficult, and scary, but you'll be ok. I was heartbroken browsing threads about young people going through the same thing I did, that feel like they want to die because of dpd.. and with whatever time I spend in this community, I'd like to talk about experiences and help as much as I can. I know how horrible and terrifying it can be and if I can help just one person feel less hopeless I'll be happy 

Short version: I'm here hoping to help lol 
Thanks to anyone who reads this through.


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

Selig said:


> Welcome back!
> 
> It's great to have people who want to give back, and congratulations on your progress.





Peebles8 said:


> Hi,
> I've never joined a forum of any kind before so I'm very new to this and not really sure what to say... But here goes;
> I stumbled across this forum when I first found out that I had dpd in 2008 but never joined for some reason, in hindsight I realize it could have been very helpful in the beginning. My dpd is chronic and was triggered after I had a panic attack while trying weed for the first time. It's been with me every second of every day since then, going on 6 years soon. When it first started, the fear and confusion caused me to drop out of school and completely lock myself away from the world for seven months. It lead to severe social anxiety and agoraphobia, I lost all my friends but one, and didn't leave the house at all during these months. Eventually I had a breakdown and was begging my mom to help me find help. Almost 6 years later, after lots of CBT, doctors, and medication (more for the anxiety and depression brought on by the dpd than the actual dpd itself), and most importantly: acceptance, I'm happy. I have a new life, I'm in a happy relationship with the most amazing, caring, patient and understanding man I've ever met, have my own apartment... Things that I never thought I'd be able to have when this all started. The dpd is still here all the time, but I'm no longer burdened, and barely ever bothered, by it. I'm still struggling with severe anxiety but am getting better. I guess the point of my post is that it will get better. It'll be difficult, and scary, but you'll be ok. I was heartbroken browsing threads about young people going through the same thing I did, that feel like they want to die because of dpd.. and with whatever time I spend in this community, I'd like to talk about experiences and help as much as I can. I know how horrible and terrifying it can be and if I can help just one person feel less hopeless I'll be happy
> 
> ...


Hi glad you made it to the forum im new to this as well i as well never made an acc on dpself but , im glad i made one after a while of browsing around here. i realized i needed some support. im suffering from dp/dr 24/7 for almost 2 years and i will continue to fight for more years. right now im getting very depressed and i feel hopeless everyday and hope one day i wake up as myself again. my name is jose i turned 17 yesterday :,) i got this last summer when i i was 15 and a half. i got it after having a panic/anxiety attck i smoked like two bowls of medical mj and bam few minutes later i felt as if my conscious changed,bright lights affected me, theyd stunned me, felt high, altered reality,couldnt connect with my surroundings, felt robotic,short term memory,felt lonely, id talk and id feel like i was talking to myself,felt no emotions,numbness , bad concentration,negative thoughts,brain fog, and etc but i suffered the worse day the beginning months. i thought the mj was in my system so i waited a while but nothing. i believed i had brain damage or something else so i googled my symptoms and mine matched. gosh i was relieved that this i was experiencing was normal and mechanism for my brain to heal and i wasnt alone. i after knew i had to be patient. im wondering if this permanent life long, can lead to schizophernic ? been dwelling on this solo my parents dont have a clue im dpd, im mostly dr 24/7 i think . i never told them. ive told them to get me some type of therapy i told them i have anxiety and they took me to the doctor and i told the doctor how i felt and he just told me some wierd story that didnt have to conncet with dp i told him i feel unreal and yeah he says some strory im like ok ? they were gna get me therapy but i needed to go through some process. to conclude im alone with this rn i need some great tactics to reduce these awful sensations.

thanks for reading this whomever come over this post

reply need assistance asap

appreciate the post


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## Peebles8 (Sep 10, 2013)

pepe1996 said:


> Hi glad you made it to the forum im new to this as well i as well never made an acc on dpself but , im glad i made one after a while of browsing around here. i realized i needed some support. im suffering from dp/dr 24/7 for almost 2 years and i will continue to fight for more years. right now im getting very depressed and i feel hopeless everyday and hope one day i wake up as myself again. my name is jose i turned 17 yesterday :,) i got this last summer when i i was 15 and a half. i got it after having a panic/anxiety attck i smoked like two bowls of medical mj and bam few minutes later i felt as if my conscious changed,bright lights affected me, theyd stunned me, felt high, altered reality,couldnt connect with my surroundings, felt robotic,short term memory,felt lonely, id talk and id feel like i was talking to myself,felt no emotions,numbness , bad concentration,negative thoughts,brain fog, and etc but i suffered the worse day the beginning months. i thought the mj was in my system so i waited a while but nothing. i believed i had brain damage or something else so i googled my symptoms and mine matched. gosh i was relieved that this i was experiencing was normal and mechanism for my brain to heal and i wasnt alone. i after knew i had to be patient. im wondering if this permanent life long, can lead to schizophernic ? been dwelling on this solo my parents dont have a clue im dpd, im mostly dr 24/7 i think . i never told them. ive told them to get me some type of therapy i told them i have anxiety and they took me to the doctor and i told the doctor how i felt and he just told me some wierd story that didnt have to conncet with dp i told him i feel unreal and yeah he says some strory im like ok ? they were gna get me therapy but i needed to go through some process. to conclude im alone with this rn i need some great tactics to reduce these awful sensations.
> 
> thanks for reading this whomever come over this post
> 
> ...


Hi Jose. First of all, happy late birthday 

It seems a lot of people have dpd triggered after smoking pot.. I know that feeling of wanting to wake up normal again. When my dpd was triggered I was trying to get high but it wouldn't kick in, my friends kept telling me to take more and more bong hits and after over an hour and a half of trying I blacked out and when I came to the feeling was terrible. I didn't know what it felt like to be high so when I woke up the next morning I thought I was just still high, like you I thought it was still in my system and if I waited it out that it'd go away.. I kept hoping that in a few days I'd wake up and it'd be gone but it never was. I also feel like I'm not in control of my body, that robotic feeling you're talking about. Looking at my hands moving still trips me out lol When my dpd is particularly strong I also have the short term memory and tend to blank out mid sentence a lot. The only time I experience dr is when I'm in wide open spaces outside, feels like I'm in a bubble and everything is massive, bright, strangely close, and extremely detailed.

I find what helped me the most to deal and come to terms with dpd is reading other people's experiences and realizing that I wasn't going crazy, that this is just a messed up defence mechanism. Have you checked out some books? My boyfriend bought me "Feeling Unreal" and I find it really interesting and helpful. Gives you a bunch of scenarios and examples to relate to and explains what dpd is and that it won't harm you. It sucks that therapy hasn't worked out so well... have you considered telling your parents what's going on? I've explained it as best as I could to my mom (leaving out the pot lol) and she found me a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. You should, if you're interested in therapy, definitely get a therapist that knows about dpd and can identify it from your explanations..I went to CBT once a week and it took a good two to three months to start working but when it did it felt great. The first thing my therapist asked me was if there was schizophrenia in my family and when I said no he told me that it's genetic and wasn't the case with me. I'm in no way a professional on the matter but I don't think you can develop schizophrenia from dpd.

A trick my therapist gave me for when I was noticing my movements and freaking out, like my hands moving and feeling like i wasn't in control of them, was to place my hand flat down on my knee, table etc, and move my fingers one at a time, to prove to myself that even though i don't feel in control of my body that I actually am.

Even though you're dealing with this on your own right now, I think that this forum can be a great help, and of course if you decide to go see a therapist or even open up to your parents or someone you really trust that it'll be great. It's crushing to tell someone about it that doesn't understand or makes you feel like you're crazy or making it up, but its a big weight off your chest to really let it out and talk to someone that understands (or at least tries to) and accepts it as a real thing.

Really hope you feel better soon and that you can find help and support in this community.


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

Peebles8 said:


> Hi Jose. First of all, happy late birthday
> 
> It seems a lot of people have dpd triggered after smoking pot.. I know that feeling of wanting to wake up normal again. When my dpd was triggered I was trying to get high but it wouldn't kick in, my friends kept telling me to take more and more bong hits and after over an hour and a half of trying I blacked out and when I came to the feeling was terrible. I didn't know what it felt like to be high so when I woke up the next morning I thought I was just still high, like you I thought it was still in my system and if I waited it out that it'd go away.. I kept hoping that in a few days I'd wake up and it'd be gone but it never was. I also feel like I'm not in control of my body, that robotic feeling you're talking about. Looking at my hands moving still trips me out lol When my dpd is particularly strong I also have the short term memory and tend to blank out mid sentence a lot. The only time I experience dr is when I'm in wide open spaces outside, feels like I'm in a bubble and everything is massive, bright, strangely close, and extremely detailed.
> 
> ...


thanks for replying and the hbd msg i smoked some pot and after felt like my brains were about to burst but it was just a massive panic attack and yea the sensation you feel when it barely hit you can be traumatic and scary hopefully i find some way to cope better i find it harder in school because nobody knows my difficulty but i show it with body language ive gotten more serious and depressed i believe ive gotten way better but because i exercised a lot and would go outside and tried to have a positive mind set but this is so trippy im mainly afraid of the future idk how long ill last with this and what will happen to me after high school i dont see my academic level so great any more ive became more mentally lazy i need some hope and inspiration idk where to post here im new. im exhausted of this been having it for 24/7 non stop everyday i wish i wasnt me i can cope but this is a challenge that i can only overcome im very scared idk if i have brain damage or anything or if i ruined a brain part permanently i havnt gone to the doctor well i did once i told them how i feel but they didnt know what the heck i was talking about and how have you kept your life stable you work or go to school ? im thinking of buying of those books thanks hopefully theyre useful


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## Peebles8 (Sep 10, 2013)

pepe1996 said:


> thanks for replying and the hbd msg i smoked some pot and after felt like my brains were about to burst but it was just a massive panic attack and yea the sensation you feel when it barely hit you can be traumatic and scary hopefully i find some way to cope better i find it harder in school because nobody knows my difficulty but i show it with body language ive gotten more serious and depressed i believe ive gotten way better but because i exercised a lot and would go outside and tried to have a positive mind set but this is so trippy im mainly afraid of the future idk how long ill last with this and what will happen to me after high school i dont see my academic level so great any more ive became more mentally lazy i need some hope and inspiration idk where to post here im new. im exhausted of this been having it for 24/7 non stop everyday i wish i wasnt me i can cope but this is a challenge that i can only overcome im very scared idk if i have brain damage or anything or if i ruined a brain part permanently i havnt gone to the doctor well i did once i told them how i feel but they didnt know what the heck i was talking about and how have you kept your life stable you work or go to school ? im thinking of buying of those books thanks hopefully theyre useful


It was exactly the same for me. I was just finishing high school when it started so by the time I got into college it was overwhelming, I ended up dropping out of 3 programs and changing schools 3 times until I got well enough to complete one. It's incredibly hard to pay attention in class and to be at a disadvantage but have no one know. That's really great that you've been exercising, going out and thinking positively though. I'm on medication for depression and anxiety but all my doctors and therapists tell me that it can only get you so far, and that working out and getting fresh air and exposing yourself to what makes you nervous, anxious, triggers your dpd can help just as much, if not better, than the meds. Check out some of the other threads around here, I've seen a lot that have to do with recovering and tips for getting better/adjusting, I still don't know my way around the site too much either though lol. But don't worry about brain damage, it's funny because that's the first thing I thought of. I thought that the pot somehow damaged my brain and altered something and I was terrified that there was something irreparably wrong with my brain. But that's not the case at all, this is your brain trying to protect you. There's no way to really know for sure how long it'll last. A lot of people have different opinions, and I don't really have any advice on that because I'm still depersonalized also..

I think by keeping a positive mindset, getting out and exercising you're already on your way  you'll definitely feel better doing these things than doing nothing at all. Like i said I had a hard time with school in the beginning but I find that when I started working it helped a lot, it took my mind off of the dpd, I had stuff to do to keep myself busy. I was also in therapy which helped loads, dealing mostly with the dpd and social anxiety the first time around, which taught me a lot of useful tools for dealing with both. I really like therapy lol, I just wish I had the discipline to get myself to exercise lol cause that helps loads too but I'm too lazy.. I used to do yoga and found that very relaxing and helpful for dealing with the dpd also.


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

Thanks for replying I'm afraid I did some permanent damage after smoking because I have this 24/7 and yea i find it hard to socialize like I use to now I'm like more shy and awkward around people and my bad memory doesn't allow me to comprehend most of the things I'm receiving I'm also feeling more dpd now because I think I second hand sm


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

Thanks for replying I'm afraid I did some permanent damage after smoking because I have this 24/7 and yea i find it hard to socialize like I use to now I'm like more shy and awkward around people and my bad memory doesn't allow me to comprehend most of the things I'm receiving I'm also feeling more dpd now because I think I second hand smoked marijuana so fml I have to start all over practically -__- how old are you btw how did your parents react when you told them you felt unreal ? Have you got out of it once and how ? Idk I think you should try to run at the park when you have time that's some good exercise ! I'm so serious now and dead in the inside how can I keep moving forward when you feel this bad ? I'd want a girlfriend but I'm to serious and shy now and care to much of what people think i believe. I need some advise on how you confront this when you were In school


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## Peebles8 (Sep 10, 2013)

pepe1996 said:


> Thanks for replying I'm afraid I did some permanent damage after smoking because I have this 24/7 and yea i find it hard to socialize like I use to now I'm like more shy and awkward around people and my bad memory doesn't allow me to comprehend most of the things I'm receiving I'm also feeling more dpd now because I think I second hand smoked marijuana so fml I have to start all over practically -__- how old are you btw how did your parents react when you told them you felt unreal ? Have you got out of it once and how ? Idk I think you should try to run at the park when you have time that's some good exercise ! I'm so serious now and dead in the inside how can I keep moving forward when you feel this bad ? I'd want a girlfriend but I'm to serious and shy now and care to much of what people think i believe. I need some advise on how you confront this when you were In school


Yeah I was pretty convinced that I had brain damage too, but don't worry about that, push it out of your mind cause it'll only freak you out more and it's not the case anyway  I've had, and still have people smoke pot around me, I made the decision not long after getting depersonalized to not smoke anymore though. And honestly when I am around pot I get a little nervous.. it brings back bad memories from when it started but i realize that the pot isn't what caused it. It just helped trigger something pre-existing that most likely would've happened anyway. So if you're nervous around pot I just wouldn't do it, but don't worry about the pot making it worse/starting you over.

I'm 22, was 17 when I got dpd. I explained it to my mom but not my dad, he knows I have anxiety but I didn't tell him about the dpd. My mom was confused at first but she trusted me and found me some hep with a good therapist. She was as understanding as she could be with something that's almost impossible to explain to someone that doesn't have it. I also have it 24/7, still do and I've never had it stop except once, I felt normal again for just a few seconds when I was with my boyfriend one day. I cried because it was so amazing to feel and see things normally again even for just those few seconds and it's never happened again, but we're happy that we shared that small moment.

Yeah I'm working towards going for walks and runs for some exercise, gonna start doing yoga again. My anxiety is just really high right now and just leaving the house without a tranquilizer can be a challenge some days but I'm working on it and getting better  You just have to hold on to the hope that you'll feel better, convince yourself that you don't have brain damage and that the dpd is your brain protecting you. You'll be ok, keep working out/exercising too, it's great for "happy feelings" and helping you stay positive. Also, as always, I'd recommend professional help or at least finding someone that you really trust that you can confide in.

Lol I'm an extremely shy and socially anxious person, I have very low self esteem and never thought I'd find a boyfriend, especially with the dpd it was very low on my priority list. But one day it just happened at school. I just pushed the dpd to the back of my head and said that after 5 years of suffering I decided I wasn't going to let it control me or hold me back from completing a program and making friends. It was hard but I started to get more comfortable around the guys there and made a couple of close friends and one became my best friend and is now my boyfriend. Just don't let it prevent you from living your life and feeling happy. When it hits really strongly just take a minute to yourself, relax and (this next part not everyone agrees with but it works very well for me and was suggested by my therapist, if you don't like the sound of it then find something that you think will work better for you.) focus on it. Sit there in the feeling of the dpd and just feel it. Tell yourself that you're just having an intense episode of dpd and that it can't harm you in any way. You don't have brain damage, you're not losing your mind, you'll feel better, it might take a while but you will. Remind yourself that you're in control of your body and that the feelings will eventually pass. Anyway, that's what helped me out during school. Sorry for all the massively long replies haha


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

Yeah Idk weed and alcohol gets me kinda nervous when I'm near it and oh so your saying the weed just triggered it and I was probed to getting this anyway how come ? I was wondering if its okay to drive with this condition? It has prevented me from doing a lot tho  before I was an over achiever now I'm mentally lazy I feel like I'm subconscious most of the time I think my parents have noticed something weird about me ,that I'm more serious and I feel like I got dumber -.- I can't even read I get of task quicky and can't remember squat  dp gets at its worse at night ,especially with lights my eyes get heavy yea do you eat healthy I also wanted to ask ? Which other books about do is there ? I don't believe I can find a girlfriend i care to much what people think and I don't have experience on dating and I suck at being outgoing I'm more depressed no chick wants that :/ I hate this i still cant believe I'm in this position it's all a blur during class I think people think I'm a druggy since I'm kinda quiet awkward and look out of it , can you give me some tips on how you can be neutral during school ??? Thanks for replying appreciate it !!


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## Peebles8 (Sep 10, 2013)

pepe1996 said:


> Yeah Idk weed and alcohol gets me kinda nervous when I'm near it and oh so your saying the weed just triggered it and I was probed to getting this anyway how come ? I was wondering if its okay to drive with this condition? It has prevented me from doing a lot tho  before I was an over achiever now I'm mentally lazy I feel like I'm subconscious most of the time I think my parents have noticed something weird about me ,that I'm more serious and I feel like I got dumber -.- I can't even read I get of task quicky and can't remember squat  dp gets at its worse at night ,especially with lights my eyes get heavy yea do you eat healthy I also wanted to ask ? Which other books about do is there ? I don't believe I can find a girlfriend i care to much what people think and I don't have experience on dating and I suck at being outgoing I'm more depressed no chick wants that :/ I hate this i still cant believe I'm in this position it's all a blur during class I think people think I'm a druggy since I'm kinda quiet awkward and look out of it , can you give me some tips on how you can be neutral during school ??? Thanks for replying appreciate it !!


I'm fine with being around them, but using weed freaks me out lol I'm worried about getting worse even though I don't think it would happen. Yeah from what I understand from reading and researching, weed and some other drugs are very common triggers but it's preexisting. The drug triggered it, but didn't cause it, and didn't damage your brain. Many people think it stems from a history of abuse or neglect or other kinds of things that happened in your childhood.. none of which apply to me, and some say it can be brought on by a traumatic event, panic attack or anxiety attack as your brain trying to protect you from the trauma. Which I guess would make sense for me... I don't know, I don't understand everything about the disorder lol but I know that the drug doesn't actually cause it.

I wouldn't know personally if it's ok to drive or not with it because I got dpd riiight after finishing high school and right before plans to get my license. So I still don't drive, a choice that I made exactly because I wouldn't feel safe because of the way I perceive everything. I don't know for other people though.

Lol I feel like I got dumber too, it's harder to concentrate and retain information sometimes. And I know exactly what you're talking about with not remembering what you've read.. happens all the time, the words start to get jumbled in my head and then I forget what I read completely and have to go back. Sometimes I even read a whole page and then realize that I didn't retain anything because I was thinking of something else, like my eyes were just running over the words while my mind was a million miles away. I used to be really good at speed reading and grabbing onto everything while just skimming through something quickly and now it takes me forever and I misread a lot.

Mine is worse during the day outside, lights look weird but it's more being out of my comfort zone I think. I don't eat healthy at all lol I've always been very picky and I love junk food..

I only have one book about dp that I first learned about from the movie "Numb" about dp.. I know there are others out there but I haven't checked them out yet. We're very alike in that way lol, I care way too much about what people think of me and am an extremely introverted person. I never thought I'd meet someone either but I also believe that good things happen when you least expect them. Also my bf now is the first official bf I've ever had really, all the dates I went on never went well and I didn't have much experience. I had a few friends with benefits but they never went far. I'm amazed at my bf's patience and support when I'm depressed or anxious or having an intense dpd episode. And he knew I had these issues when we met, so there are people out there who would want to be with a person with these disabilities.

When I first got dpd and went to school with it I got so many weird looks, I was behaving very strangely and sometimes would blank out or panic in class, I didn't fit in at all and was hating it. I ended up dropping out of college and spent an entire 7 months hiding in my basement. It was probably the worst thing I could do cause everything just got sooo much worse after that. Just stay positive, and stick with it, and remember dpd is a disorder that not many people can understand or even really notice unless you react to it. What I personally did to stay neutral and calm in class was not let it show, when it hit strong I'd take a second and breathe deeply in through my nose into my stomach, not the chest cause that's bad for when you're freaking out, and remind myself that this cannot harm me in anyway, I'm still in control of my body, and even though it's extremely scary and depressing that I'll be alright. another thing that worked (and still does) for me is bring something to squeeze. A stress-ball or something similar. I used to dig my nails into my hands and arms before this lol I'd be walking around all day with red nail marks everywhere, it helped distract me but definitely isn't good. Distracting yourself in a situation that you can't do whatever you want (school, work etc) with little things that won't distract from what you need to do has really helped me. I also took a few moments to remind myself that I'm ok, in control etc and a bunch of positive affirmations by writing them down on a scrap piece of paper. For some reason getting the positive thoughts from my head onto something physical and reading them over always really effectively helped me to calm down and feel better.

No problem  My replies always end up being way longer than I intend them to be but I wanna help as much as I can. Btw do you have anxiety/panic attacks when your dpd gets bad? Or is it just the feelings of the dpd? Because you can always tell your teacher in private that you're having trouble with anxiety (if you don't want to bother trying to explain dpd to them) and ask if when you're not feeling well if you can take a second to leave the class and calm down. I did this with a lot of my college teachers, when it got too intense I'd just get up and leave, collect myself alone and then come back.


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

oh okay its really depressing tho everyday feels hopeless and i feel like i get more depressed by the day idk but alright ill stay positive. im just afraid to see whats going to happen in the future after i graduate idk if i should go to the navy or college because i feel like going to the navy since im already fked up but dad wont let me  haha and damn i want to start working you think that will bring me a lot of stress and get me worse since i have school already i just want a part time tho , that sucks so do you drive or do you think its not a good a idea im learning but im not so alert, you should start eating healthy i try to cut down on jubkffo u should try to also like stoop drinking soda it has high sugars and too much caffeine reduce your caffeine intake! such as chocolate, soda, coffe, starbucks lol drink lots of water also what helped me once was eating avocados try it ! yea sucks like before i was the same with reading like i would just think of something else but now im metally lazier. i dont get panic attacks or anxiety attacks anymore i stopped getting them a while ago i just told myself my mind is playing games with me and didnt fear em . but what i have a every darn second is derealization sensations and dp sometimes i cant even tell the difference do you know ? yea i try to act normal but my face expression shows it all to the people in class i either look exhausted anxious af or on drugs idk i try to act normal but i get freaked out and it sucks. im going to college next year probably so fml also i cant have a lot of fun since i dont do drugs so i cant party lols.


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## Peebles8 (Sep 10, 2013)

pepe1996 said:


> oh okay its really depressing tho everyday feels hopeless and i feel like i get more depressed by the day idk but alright ill stay positive. im just afraid to see whats going to happen in the future after i graduate idk if i should go to the navy or college because i feel like going to the navy since im already fked up but dad wont let me  haha and damn i want to start working you think that will bring me a lot of stress and get me worse since i have school already i just want a part time tho , that sucks so do you drive or do you think its not a good a idea im learning but im not so alert, you should start eating healthy i try to cut down on jubkffo u should try to also like stoop drinking soda it has high sugars and too much caffeine reduce your caffeine intake! such as chocolate, soda, coffe, starbucks lol drink lots of water also what helped me once was eating avocados try it ! yea sucks like before i was the same with reading like i would just think of something else but now im metally lazier. i dont get panic attacks or anxiety attacks anymore i stopped getting them a while ago i just told myself my mind is playing games with me and didnt fear em . but what i have a every darn second is derealization sensations and dp sometimes i cant even tell the difference do you know ? yea i try to act normal but my face expression shows it all to the people in class i either look exhausted anxious af or on drugs idk i try to act normal but i get freaked out and it sucks. im going to college next year probably so fml also i cant have a lot of fun since i dont do drugs so i cant party lols.


Yeah, I'd really try to find a therapist that knows about dp/dr that can also help you with the depression. Before it gets worse, it really helps and the sooner the better. Yeah I know, the future is scary, especially when you don't know what you're capable of or can handle. But if you gain control again and get the help you need you can live a normal life and be happy, even if the dp sticks around for a while longer.

You're not fucked, you'll get better, you just have to believe that you can and work towards getting better. Stay positive and healthy, figure out things that work for you, and get the help you need whether on here, from a therapist, family, friend etc.

The first time I got a job it helped out a lot, distracted me from the dpd and making money and being able to spend it on what I wanted gave me a confidence boost too. The second time around (ended a few months ago) was terrible and only increased all my stress, but that's also because my anxiety got worse, separately from my dpd which has been bearable for the past 5+ months. So i really don't know if it'll be beneficial or not for you personally, if you're already having a hard time maybe it'd be best to finish school and then get a job before college? Same goes for driving, I don't drive because I don't feel comfortable enough to, but maybe you'd be fine, I guess it depends on the person. Maybe try asking in another thread or make a post about driving with dpd and see if others can help you out with it better than I can, cause that's something I have no experience with.. I drove ATVs a lot while I had dpd and was a perfectly good driver but that's not really the same thing haha.

Yes! I already do a lot of that  My doctor told me to cut down on those things to keep my adrenaline as low as possible for my panic disorder and anxiety. So I haven't had any coffee, energy drinks, soda etc since June. I can't stay away from chocolate though, that's my favourite lol. I've never tried avocados but I heard they're great for you, I'm just really picky... But my bf is latino and really wants me to try it so I'm sure I will end up trying it sooner or later.

That's great that you got past your anxiety and panic attacks, I envy you there lol I'm getting better, but I'd be completely happy to be rid of my anxiety/panic disorders. Maybe I'll try to tell myself what you did the next time I'm having one. That really sucks about school... I really think if you have the means you should see a therapist. Or even the school counsellor if you have one, it should be free and hopefully help you out. Lol you can still party without drugs and alcohol, I go out to see my friends at parties or bars and I can't drink because of the types of medication I'm on and I don't do drugs because you already know why lol but I still have a good time and that's what you go out for no?


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

What do you mean before the depression gets worse? And alright so should I get a part time or do u think I'm not capable since I have dp. I want to drive but I have dp and it scares me i don't want to put others people lives in danger ( yea try drinking a lot of water and eat healthier cut down on foods w high sugars chocolates have caffeine in them too!! and chips try eating less although I'm addictive to them  but I have stopped for a few days lol how's life for you ? Do you wake up feeling hopeless or do you have some motivation ? Do you think this can be cured when chronic ?? I feel like I'm butt fucked with this fml, how do you cope daily ? Do you go outside or na ? I hate when it gets dark because It makes everyrhing worse ( I envy people with their regular life and regret not taking advantage of life before  it sucks but I'm Gna stay focused although it sucks having this in school were your teacher thinks your on drugs ha and I can't really conversate with some chicks idk my mind goes blank /:


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## Peebles8 (Sep 10, 2013)

pepe1996 said:


> What do you mean before the depression gets worse? And alright so should I get a part time or do u think I'm not capable since I have dp. I want to drive but I have dp and it scares me i don't want to put others people lives in danger ( yea try drinking a lot of water and eat healthier cut down on foods w high sugars chocolates have caffeine in them too!! and chips try eating less although I'm addictive to them  but I have stopped for a few days lol how's life for you ? Do you wake up feeling hopeless or do you have some motivation ? Do you think this can be cured when chronic ?? I feel like I'm butt fucked with this fml, how do you cope daily ? Do you go outside or na ? I hate when it gets dark because It makes everyrhing worse ( I envy people with their regular life and regret not taking advantage of life before  it sucks but I'm Gna stay focused although it sucks having this in school were your teacher thinks your on drugs ha and I can't really conversate with some chicks idk my mind goes blank /:


Well if untreated depression can get worse, if you wallow in it it's not going to get any better. When I first got depressed it was nothing compared to how bad it got, when I needed to start my medication. If you start getting help, like therapy, not necessarily medication, early on it'd be good for you. I don't think any one person can tell you if you should get a job or not or if you should drive or not. If you don't feel comfortable behind the wheel and are worried about putting others in danger then maybe it's not a good idea just yet until you get more hep or get used to the feeling of dpd. I'd definitely talk to a therapist/psychiatrist/counsellor. And like I said before maybe ask around in other threads on this site about working/driving, cause I can't be much of a help with either lol I'm not working right now because my anxiety and panic disorder is way too bad. I've been on sick leave and then out of work for five months now. And as you know, I've never been comfortable driving because of the dpd so I can't really give you advice there, sorry.

I drink pretty much only water lol and juice and milk. Omg I'm addicted to chips too, chocolate and chips are two things I'll never give up lol. Life is ok, I am very happy with where I am and the life that I have with my bf and my own place and our cat lol. I'm happy that I have support from my bf and my family and that I always have people to talk to so that I don't have to deal with my problems alone and I feel like things are only going to get better. I try to stay positive and have an optimistic outlook on life but sometimes my disorders get the best of me. Like right now even though I'm happy overall I'm extremely stressed and feeling a bit of the depression and anxiety despite my meds cause I'm going through a stressful situation. I do wake up feeling hopeless sometimes, and lately I've been staying in bed as much as possible just cause I'm stressed and don't wanna get up and deal with everything. One of my biggest problems is avoidance lol if something makes me anxious/stressed I stay as far away as I can or put it off as long as possible. Which is really bad and I'm working on it. But I'm getting into the mindset that unless I do these things that make me feel bad I'm going to get better. Like where I don't want to go out I make myself, or if my bf wants me to meet him somewhere (travelling in public transit alone for some reason really triggers my dpd and anxiety) I'll force myself to go even if I have to take a tranquilizer to get there and it feels great when I do it lol. So I guess what motivates me to get better is to prove to myself and others that I can do these things that scare me.

I'm sure people can be cured even though its 24/7. I have it chronically and even though I'm not "cured" I kind of consider myself cured because the dpd doesn't bother me at all anymore.

I kinda mentioned above how I cope daily and how I get myself to go outside (sometimes I do need a day to recharge inside alone just cause on top of everything I am a very introverted person and enjoy some time to myself) But the most helpful thing that I ever did was accept that I have dpd and that I might have it my entire life (don't even know if I will but just preparing myself for that) it might seem terrible but once I accepted it and pushed it to the back of my mind like fk you you're not gonna ruin my life but I acknowledge that you might be my "new normal", I felt so much better lol. Keep in mind this was after a lot of therapy.

I envy people too, I see people walking around doing whatever they want, no dpd no panic/anxiety disorders and all I want is to be like them. but instead of feeling bad for yourself, work towards being like them. Focus on feeling better and not on feeling bad, you can get better even though it feels hopeless right now.

Dont worry what other people think, concentrate on you, when you start feeling better and learning to remain in control during the dpd you'll be able to focus better and talk to people easier. My mind still blanks out sometimes but I just tell people I forgot what I was gonna say haha


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

how bad can the depression get? i would want to get help but ive fought this for almost 2 years alone and my parents dont know i dont want them to worry we already have issues and i dont want them to be disappointed at me for smoking what i told them i have a anxiety disorder but they dont think its nothing serious ive told them i want therapy but the process is too long idk it sucks and ive heard meds and therapy dont usually work for depersonalization.. tbh im not sure which disorder i got since ive never been diagnosed by a specialist ive self diagnosed so i might have some serious mental illness or damaged something ( idk im in need of a job for money but do you think im mentally capable? o: which state you live in ? damn junkfood is addicting but we have to reduce our intake!! how do you conversate when you feel dp i find it very disturbing and hard, try not to avoid so much try your best dont let this not allow you to do your daily activities! go outside as much as possible go for walks or jogs. dont nap please it messes with your sleeping schedule try to only sleep 8 hours of sleep dont sleep to less or to much. good stay optimistic and keep the positive mind set although i find it hard to do that sometimes. so people that have it 24/7 its chronic ? damn i regret taking advantage of life what so we might have it our entire live ? i dont think i can live like this forever.. yeah i envy everyone in school that lives a normal life like i use to and now i cant even enjoy life since the fact that my perception has changed.. what do you mean feeling control? yea its difficult but i care too much of what people think about me idk im like that but its frightening and i show the fear with muy face expression like i cant have a simple convo im so quiet now and serious idk im okay and doing alright but gosh this bullshit has impacted my life and has butfucked me but im trying my best..


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

thanks for the replying back by the way !  whats your name email me or text me if youd want to ?


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## Peebles8 (Sep 10, 2013)

pepe1996 said:


> how bad can the depression get?  i would want to get help but ive fought this for almost 2 years alone and my parents dont know i dont want them to worry we already have issues and i dont want them to be disappointed at me for smoking what i told them i have a anxiety disorder but they dont think its nothing serious ive told them i want therapy but the process is too long idk it sucks and ive heard meds and therapy dont usually work for depersonalization.. tbh im not sure which disorder i got since ive never been diagnosed by a specialist ive self diagnosed so i might have some serious mental illness or damaged something ( idk im in need of a job for money but do you think im mentally capable? o: which state you live in ? damn junkfood is addicting but we have to reduce our intake!! how do you conversate when you feel dp i find it very disturbing and hard, try not to avoid so much try your best dont let this not allow you to do your daily activities! go outside as much as possible go for walks or jogs. dont nap please it messes with your sleeping schedule try to only sleep 8 hours of sleep dont sleep to less or to much. good stay optimistic and keep the positive mind set although i find it hard to do that sometimes. so people that have it 24/7 its chronic ? damn i regret taking advantage of life what so we might have it our entire live ? i dont think i can live like this forever.. yeah i envy everyone in school that lives a normal life like i use to and now i cant even enjoy life since the fact that my perception has changed.. what do you mean feeling control? yea its difficult but i care too much of what people think about me idk im like that but its frightening and i show the fear with muy face expression like i cant have a simple convo im so quiet now and serious idk im okay and doing alright but gosh this bullshit has impacted my life and has butfucked me but im trying my best..


I guess it depends on the person, mine didn't get too bad the first time, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, but the second time around I couldn't even listen to my therapist cause I couldn't stop crying. It got really bad and that's when I went on meds. You don't have to tell them about the smoking, I never explained to my parents that I got the dpd from smoking cause they'd be upset. I just told them that it's a reaction to a traumatic event and said it was from my grandmother dying (which it was in part, because that's what depressed me initially and got me wanting to try drugs). You really should see a professional, especially if you're self-diagnosed lol, just to make sure that you got it right and get the help you need. I doubt you did serious damage or have a mental illness as a result cause it sounds a lot like dpd. But it's always good to make sure. I was self diagnosed too and when I was looking for a therapist i mentioned that I believed I was depersonalized and very afraid and he booked me an appointment for just a couple days later. And he confirmed that I had dpd after hearing how i described the feeling.

I heard that meds don't really help so well for dpd but Cognitive Behavioural Therapy does help in a lot of cases, and it really really worked for me. I wouldn't know if you're mentally capable or not, that's a decision you have to make for yourself, know how much you can handle and concentrate on how you feel, judge from that. I'm not working now because I know I can't handle it. I'm too overwhelmed and it'll just stress me out more and do more damage than good, but you might actually feel better with it lol it depends on you. I don't live in the states, I'm from Canada 

Yeah junkfood is the best lol but so bad. When my dpd was really bad I'd avoid talking to people altogether, but eventually I just let myself go and not focus on it when talking. It's really scary cause sometimes I'd catch myself and think like "Oh fk, I'm talking right now, but idk what I'm saying or why I'm saying it, or if it's really me that's saying it. Where are these words even coming from if I don't realize that I'm saying them" etc... Its bad at first but it will slowly get more comfortable if you say fk you to the dpd and push it away when you're talking. you might have those moments where you blank out mid sentence because of it, but just tell the person that you lost your train of thought or forgot what you were gonna say and maybe they'll remind you lol  Yeah I'm trying and was doing really good for a while but now I'm back to staying inside and sleeping all day... lol not feeling so great, but my bf is getting me out of the house tomorrow and hopefully that'll feel good and help fix my sleep schedule. Yeah I know, I just got up from a nap and feel terrible lol...

Chronic is when you have it 24/7 from what research/reading I've done, it does NOT mean that'll you'll always have it 24/7 and it does NOT mean that you'll have it your whole life. I still haven't found an account of someone who's lived with it their whole life. I think the longest I read about was 12 or 16 years.

I say control and regaining control because I feel completely out of control of my own body or actions when dpd sets in, as if I'm just sitting in a body that's doing things on automatic. and Its great that you're trying your best  but you didn't buttfuck yourself, don't think like that, you can get over this, and if you get help and keep that positive thinking and stuff that you told me about you'll be fine 

No problem! I like to hear from you and just hope I can help, my name's Lana, I prefer not to give out my email cause it has my full name in it.. and I like to stay anonymous online (I'm a very paranoid person lol) and since I don't live in the states we wouldn't really be able to text.. but I'll always answer you on here and you can send me private messages whenever you want, I don't do much so I'll pretty much always reply fast.. the only reason I didn't this time is cause of GTA online.. haha

Take care!


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## pepe1996 (Sep 12, 2013)

hey!!! sorry for the super late reply i just want to state that im okay and how are you, how youare feeling?


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## Peebles8 (Sep 10, 2013)

pepe1996 said:


> hey!!! sorry for the super late reply i just want to state that im okay and how are you, how youare feeling?


Hi there, I'm glad you're ok  things have been all over the place for me the past month, good days, some really bad days, but I'll live lol. My dpd is pretty much back a hundred percent since I started pain killers cause I had surgery recently, but it's not bothering me much. So I guess I'm ok too. Thanks for letting me know you're alright. And sorry for this super late reply, things have been hectic.
Take care


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