# 1.5 years of constant DP. Starting to see the light



## Myles5 (Jul 13, 2017)

I want to share my experience, it's not a complete recovery story, but I feel it's on the way after 1.5 years of hell.

Going to try keep it short but my story is pretty standard. I'm a 24yo male in Melbourne Aus.

A fairly shy/anxious person growing up, father committed suicide when I was 16 so there was that as well.

Was doing fairly good in life, did well in school, got a good job and good group of friends.

Then a night after a party 18 months ago it all crashed. Took some MDMA and was stuck with this constant feeling. Feeling like I'm not there, so dizzy 24/7 things like driving would be near impossible. I was certain I was brain damaged.

I eventually searched my symptoms and found out about dp, made a lot of sense as I had always been dealing with anxiety

Even reading about that, the feeling never went away for all this time. Seemed to try everything; counselling, naturopathy, different meds and nothing was working, I just couldn't snap out of it. So many times I was about to end my life I am surprised I'm still here.

My counsellors had always suggested start reading books and start writing my thoughts out, and challenge the negative ones. But I never did it, thought it was a joke and still believed I had some permanent brain damage from the drugs

But being desperate I started doing it, started reading a book 'don't sweat the small stuff'. Taking notes, as well as writing a few positive things every day about my day. As well as challenging the negative thoughts on paper.

Since I have done this, everyday I have noticed improvement, I am feeling much more positive and confident and think I am finally starting to realise that it is not damage caused by drugs. And that I was triggered and then stuck in these thought patterns.

I still have a long way to go but I am finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel

Hoping this can help someone, and if there's someone who's had a similar experience to me and would like to offer me some more advice I would love that.


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## Smokevin (Jun 8, 2017)

I have had a similar experience.

The fact that you were told to do something in the way of managing your anxiety, and that doing so provided you relief and the belief that you are progressing, just goes to show it is nothing but anxiety.

This is something that I have come to learn. It's just about learning to undo the anxiety.

MDMA abuse leads to increased Cortisol levels (stress hormones), and I'm sure you were a bit frail at the time even for a once off.

I am studying counselling at the moment and may have some words of comfort:

It's not your fault, sometimes things happen and when they do, you can't go back and undo them. Travelling back in time is not in your control, so you need to learn to let it go. You would most likely be someone who likes to have control over situations and it can be frustrating trying to fight it to undo something that requires a more complex approach.

Keep seeing your therapist, it seems to be doing the trick.

Peace & Love


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## dope (Aug 31, 2016)

Yes! Journaling is so good, honestly!


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

Even if, brain damage doesn't have to be permanent. During my 1st cannabis intoxication at age 17, I had an epigastric aura followed by a sequence of temporal lobe seizures. This neurological insult scarred me with a head tremor, ocular migraines, DP/DR, and a major depressive disorder. I got no help from family or the medical community in understanding how smoking two joints had resulted in my becoming mentally ill.

I overcame agoraphobia to finish high school. I continued to have frequent panic attack like spells and ocular migraines which blinded me for 30 minutes. I joined and completed a 3 year military enlistment. I attended and graduated at the top of my technical school class. I survived 4 epic battles with depression with anxiety so bad I couldn't eat and would lose 30lbs. I went sleepless for weeks and weeks with severe insomnia.

I was hospitalized once and put on SSRIs. My spells stopped. I continued to search the internet for explanations of my experience at age 17. While reading British Neurological Journals, I found case histories which matched my experience in every detail. I ordered diagnostics which verified significant pathology in my temporal lobe, supporting the hypothesis that my spells were temporal lobe seizures.

Over the years, my symptoms improved. My head tremor is no longer noticeable. The popping and clicking in my ears is gone after many years. My tongue and throat no longer become paralyzed during spells. I no longer experience intense periods of mental disintegration and panic, or periods of staring off into nowhere. Simply by surviving, I got better. Today, I take only 20mg of Lexapro as a psychiatric medication.

Since having ECT in 2013, my mood has improved very much. I have the knowledge and understanding now to manage my situation and to understand and appreciate my past struggles. I'm now retired and life is good.


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## Myles5 (Jul 13, 2017)

Thanks guys. Bit of an update have had a bit of a relapse, feelings of dp/dr have come back strong and I'm not sure why 

Wow forestx5 thats rough, so glad to hear you pulled through it! Goes to show that recovery from any mental issue is possible


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## Lexy67 (Sep 23, 2017)

Hi Myles. It's been a long road for recovery for me too. I've had some good years but at the moment I've had a relapse. I relate to the feeling that you can't do anything. Or at least drive. I find some everyday things extremely hard. Even figuring spatial relations. 
But I like your post about recovery. I hope you have found some relief since then but if you haven't, and I know how frustrating it can be. I certainly understand that too.


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