# I am really starting to lose my mind...My Thoughts.



## Bradd (Dec 26, 2009)

Warning, in this post i am venting whatever is on my mind, which might sound weird or crazy lol.

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My DP is starting to get really bad, i have no clue what reality is anymore, my thoughts are starting to make no sense, and i can't hold a conversation with anyone to save my life. I feel like i'm living in a fake world... a world that is changing... I used to be able to hold back stupid thoughts and think to myself they were stupid thoughts but now these thoughts are normal. Whenever i think of DP or anything that has to do with me going crazy, i forget about everything, i suddenly just don't remember anything and i'm DP'ed hardcore. I don't have panic attacks to the point where i faint or pass out, but the thoughts do make me feel disoriented.
Right now i'm just writing down my thoughts, I don't know whats wrong with me but I really want this to go away because I want to live a normal life where i can love, feel, interact, and connect with the world. My life seems normal most of the time, but that's because i don't think of DP. But when I do think of it, just once... i become crazy until something distracts me long enough. But just one simple word like social or Depersonalize or personalize will get me thinking... get me to forget the world.
I know sometime tomorrow I will read this and think to myself why did I write this, because my mood is constantly changing along with my thoughts on everything.
Maybe i have some type of memory-loss disorder and not DP. That's another thing i think of alot, yet i don't think it's true because i've never injured my brain at all physically.
My thoughts when i'm alone, or DP'ed, or just randomly through-out the day:
I'm never telling my mom i have this, or that something is wrong, I don't want her to worry about me. 
I wont commit suicide because I still believe I will one day be cured. 
I am more interested in what happens when you die more than anything in the world.
What is reality? 
I don't believe in history, for some reason.
What is God?
Is God real?
How were we created?
I feel like i need to empty the thoughts of my brain.
I want to start over again.
I want to forget everything i'm thinking now and live a new life.
I'm 16... i'm getting old.. i won't be able to live life on my own when i get older.
Will i ever meet a girl that's like me?
Why can't I just talk to someone and have a good conversation?
Why do I always end up in awkward situations?
Why is everything so awkward to me?
Why do i think that this girl likes me when we never even talked?

These are my thoughts once again.

Thanks for letting me vent.








Am I going crazy?


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## stankuri (Jan 23, 2009)

I can't really tell you if you're going crazy because its pretty much I feel the same. But I do know if you try to drag yourself out of it... be positive. Sometimes that works for me. just one laugh and it can be a little better sometimes. Sometimes it does nothing. Try to relax or something. I don't know, sorry, I can't focus worth crap right now to make any intelligence come out of writing. Just know you're not alone.


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## Tim (Jul 17, 2009)

There's not one single thing that you wrote that sounds remotley crazy, sorry to dissapoint.









I worry about the girl thing too, all my close friends have these great love lives so my doubt feeds off of that. Like "why not me? I'm no different than my friends, wait yes I am, I have DP, I'm a freak." not that that's necesseraly true cause my dp is'nt very apperent, but that's how my mind processes it.


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## G.i.t.s (Feb 13, 2010)

That what you describe is normal for DpD. I have that too. Meanings and Opinions can change from one day to an other without a certain reason.
The thing why that happens is that we (D-People) have problems with our memory. When u make your own opinion or a conclusion it could happen that u cant undertand it at the next day/days. You will have problems to remember the informations u had which lead you to that Opinion/Conclusion the day before. The Memories are far away and pale. Its hard to "get" them and its like they arent connected with each other. Its hard to get details from the memories. They could be so far away that u arent sure about it if they are really true.

You arent going insane. Im new here...


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## emma (Feb 12, 2010)

HEY. Listen, you are not going crazy and never will. Try reading my topic. " it's okay, we can do it anyway" 
I hope it's helpes.


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## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

Not crazy at all.







Hang in there.


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## Tenken (Dec 28, 2007)

i don't think you should try to find a girl "like you" you two will just loath around in self pity all day. I got a outgoing girl so i don't sit around all day thinking about my problems.


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