# At my worst point



## HashimKhan1 (Feb 24, 2013)

So ive had this for about 5 months now, and I seem to be at my worst part

Symptoms

I dont know how I function, but i manage to do it (school, drive, etc.)

I feel trapped in my head

feel like im not in control

Feel as though Im the only human on earth and the rest are just robots

Emotionally numb

When I see my mom, I knows its her but from some reason I jus question it

I get up a lot at night

Anxiety

things dont seem real

When I remember something it seems as though its programed in my brain and not my actually knowing it

I feel alone, even though there are people around me

I have the fear that i'm going insane

For some reason I have a repeated though of Im inside/ a body

I have the thought that I dont know whats going insides people's heads

So I went to the doc. and he said this was all anxiety. He gave me Celexa and told me off. I brought up depersonalization disorder to him, he knew what it was and said that it was a symptom of anxiety. I tried Celexa for a day, made my anxiety 10 times worse which made my dp 100 times worse, and now I'm at my worst point. I have been running for the pst couple days, because people always say that exercise helps. I dont think that I am going to take any more meds for a while, at least not until summer. Being a college student with DP sucks so much. I wanted to know if there were any natural ways to cure my anxiety as well as my dp. Do you think that after you reach you're worst point recovery starts. Ive had my share of up and down days but this is definitely the worst. Can anyone relate to my symptoms, I know the I dont know what people are thinking one is kind of strange. This has been the worst 5 months in my life. When I think of the past, Its almost as though I feel that I have always had dp, I mean everything physically is the same. I dont remember how to me normal. Any positive words of advice will be appreciated on how to beat this

cheers


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## Guest (Apr 25, 2013)

Trying to cure DP and anxiety is a bad way of thinking about this; first off, anxiety is a normal human emotion just as much as being happy or sad, you don't need to cure it, but learn to handle it better. And if you keep trying to cure DP, just using the word cure implies it will happen quickly, when in reality it will take some time. DP is not much more than exhausted brain from years of stress of anxiety that has never been dealt with in a healthy way. The first thing you should do is get those bad thoughts under control because dwelling on them keeps your brain from getting the rest it needs. As for why you have thoughts like that, I think it's because you have feeling of fear and anxiety, but nothing real to direct it at, so as these random thoughts pop into your head among all the others you latch on to them because it gives your a reason for the anxiety that otherwise has no purpose. Your brain is looking for threats everywhere and those thoughts are the only thing it can find. Anyway, the best way to handle these thoughts is to simply let them come into your mind, but not react to them, just let them go, The moment you fear them, you give them power and make them the threat you mind is looking for. I know this easier said then done, it takes practice, but in time they won't be nearly as powerful or terrifying and it'll give your mind a break.


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## paradiso2340 (Apr 5, 2013)

I can relate to a lot of what you posted. Especially feeling trapped in your head and emotionally numb. At times, I do feel like I am going insane and although I try and convince myself otherwise it only does so much. I have been dealing with it for about 4 months now and I don't know how I get through each day either, I just do it. It's like I have become use to it, although I still can't stand it and I just want to think the way I use to. I feel exactly the same as you when you say you may have always been DP'ed. Sometimes I think that way too because it truly has taken over my entire persona on the inside and I can't remember how I thought differently or what is it exactly that I am thinking so differently than I did in the past. I feel like a lot of me is still there, but there is this "thing" that is bothering me and that I can't figure out. It is so confusing, I am just going through the motions with the feeling that someday I'll find myself again.


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## sb87 (Apr 16, 2013)

paradiso2340 said:


> I can relate to a lot of what you posted. Especially feeling trapped in your head and emotionally numb. At times, I do feel like I am going insane and although I try and convince myself otherwise it only does so much. I have been dealing with it for about 4 months now and I don't know how I get through each day either, I just do it. It's like I have become use to it, although I still can't stand it and I just want to think the way I use to. I feel exactly the same as you when you say you may have always been DP'ed. Sometimes I think that way too because it truly has taken over my entire persona on the inside and I can't remember how I thought differently or what is it exactly that I am thinking so differently than I did in the past. I feel like a lot of me is still there, but there is this "thing" that is bothering me and that I can't figure out. It is so confusing, I am just going through the motions with the feeling that someday I'll find myself again.


you have just summed me up. EVERYTHING YOU SAID! ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, especially the not knowing how you get through each day but you still do.


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## OvercomeTheAnxietyDP/DR (May 8, 2013)

I'm going through the exact same shit you are going through, I want to die so bad


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## LuluCalavera (Jan 21, 2013)

celexa made me go crazy and get manic, if youre over 18 try lexapro :] It has done wonders for me


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## Spaceboy (Mar 23, 2013)

Just want to thank op for posting. This is exactly how I've felt for around 4 months now and it helps a lot to know I'm not alone.

I've been finding "mindfulness" therapy to be the most helpful thing, on top of exercise and not isolating myself. I also really agree with Antimony.

Anyways, I was having a rough night and reading this thread really settled me down, thanks guys.


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

HashimKhan1 said:


> So ive had this for about 5 months now, and I seem to be at my worst part
> 
> Symptoms
> 
> ...


 hey bud you have no idea how much i can relate to this. I had a weed induced panic attack after a year of constant use. since that day ( 9 months tomorrow) I have had a bunch of pure O related thoughts, of hurting others, that im gay, pedophile, psycho, then i began to have paranoid thoughts about all sorts of things i wont get into, they receded, and i was sure i was becoming schizophrenic. I began to question things, like how things looked, i looked at my hands and they felt strange. little by little i felt more and more DP/DR, and then at around month three i began to think all sorts of related robot thoughts, just like you but my mind would distort the thought and make it more and more about robots, all sorts. Ive been battling this thought alone for 6 months now, and I cant believe that i havent had a psychotic break yet. In fact im still waiting for it to happen. Ive had thoughts that people are demons, just like when i think they are robots too ( I used to watch too much supernatural, thats what i keep telling myself is the reason for all the insanity) and ive had all of these existential thoughts, like how can there be so many humans in the world, that we are the ones that basically rule the earth, and suffering from solipsism hardcore lately. if anyone else has a consciousness and all that junk. At one point my DP was so awful i literally felt like everything was fake and it was coupled with Matrix thoughts. I seriously thought I was done at that point. I keep thinking things like "well ive had all of these terrible thoughts, ive experienced them, I can't un-have them, they are a part of me and my way of thinking even if its flawed and illogical and fucked up."

Things have gotten worse and worse, but i have had moments in the past 2 months of breakthroughs, so unbelievable. 2 weeks without much crazy thinking, and moments where my dp is basically all gone. and then i go back to wild thinking. once they hit, they just feel so real, even if they are not, does anyone know what I mean?

More than anything I wanna believe that the robot thoughts you had are like mine and that you recovered for good. I want to believe that its ocd and not psychosis. My psychologist said that i would slowly begin to recover from all of this but its gotten worse before its gotten better, and that these thoughts are happening because I'm not dealing with my real problems.

Please, if anyone has any ways to help me deal with this, especially all my past traumas that supposedly sparked the DP, I'm all ears. Writing helps, and i hope someone has some advice. The panic attack happened once i began to freak out about graduating from psychology at my university. I already did, and i got away from it all to recover, if I ever will. Thanks to anyone who reads this.


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

bill said:


> Hi sirlee,
> 
> What your experiencing are classic DP/DR symptoms my friend. The best advice is to really just try and relax and stay calm(easier said than done), read the recovery stories on here, take in the advice and try your best not to worry, we all know what your going through believe me, your not going mad, even though you think you are, and most importantly, you can/will get better over time.
> 
> This website is great for people who have DP/DR, its full of decent people who care, stay in touch my friend, stay positive.


Hey Bill,

Thanks man, I know there are some that truly are DP symptoms, but i cant help and be scared that one day im just going to lose all my marbles, especially those robot thoughts. The main guy that wrote this post says that he felt like everyone way a robot, I don't know if thats the same as thinking it. Ive been fighting all these thoughts and i cant control them, and its like my mind trying to convince me of it in as many ways as it can. I really want to believe that its a DP symptom, but its hard to believe after how miserable ive been for the majority of the 6 months ive experienced it. I really just want to believe that if thats the case, that maybe one day ill be 100% sane again, and i wont be suffering from these things. No one can guarantee me that. More importantly I wish i had all my emotions back, feel full again, but i have noooo idea where to begin to get better besides what i do which is work out every day and eat pretty healthy. I meditate, read, write music, but i still have terrible feelings. I know you said that its a classic symptom but after going more into detail maybe now you might think its not. I'd like to know what you think..
Thanks again


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

Alright thanks so much man, I'll try to do just that.


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

bill said:


> Hi sirlee, once again, what your experiencing are DP/DR symptoms, try not to let them take over, they are only thoughts. Most people on here will tell you they have had the same symptoms as you. Your psychologist has told you over time it will go away, this is true, it has for me.
> 
> I used to get the same symptoms as you, feeling fake, people being robots, I was the director making a movie, not recognising friends/family, there's so many more I could mention. Your emotions will come back in time, you will come back in time, just try not to worry because the DP/DR strives on that, it confuses you, it makes you sad, it makes you think silly things, all these are untrue, its just anxiety/DP/DR doing its job. I know its hard to think nothing tangible can make you feel so horrible/depressed/fake, but it does.
> 
> ...


 thanks so much man, I just wanted to ask you one more thing, did you fully recover from all of this?


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

Man I hope I can one day retake my life again. I would do anything to wake up tomorrow and be like I was before all of this. How long have you been dealing with this?


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