# "This time, Im really crazy..."



## emmiesuz (Aug 6, 2014)

Hi all!

Im new here. Ive been dealing with DP my whole life but never realized it was a real "thing" until a couple of years ago. I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself.

I feel like I can't hold adult conversations with people because I'm so checked out. I wonder how stupid I must look....stumbling on words, having nothing interesting to say because I am so checked out.

I will be in the middle of teaching a class (daily), And I checkout so deeply that I dont even know my name or what I'm doing there.

I constantly mix up words and say stupid things

I have ALWAYS had a horrible memory......I remember very very little details of my life.

EVERY holiday, special event or performance (dancer/actor), I look forward to for months and then when the day gets there I am DP/Depressed/anxious.

I lose feelings for people at the drop of a hat. Feelings shut of completely

Im NEVER present during sex.

Constant state of "I'm missing my whole damn life"

My therapist, books, people on this forum, all have these amazing tools that are great in theory, but when an attack is so bad, I either FORGET to use the tools, forget what they are, or feel like"This time I am TOTALLY going crazy", so I get wrapped up in that fear and it just gets worse.

Relate? Help? Advice? Im falling apart.

Thanks guys


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## Chip1021 (Mar 24, 2018)

I find it amazing that you can teach (daily) with this. I was in grad school and I could do the academic work (with GREAT effort), but then when it came time to do my teaching assistantship, I couldn't do it and I had to drop out.

You say you've had this your whole life? I think mine was too, but it wasn't always as bad as it is now. Not sure I have any advice, as I'm pretty much a demented vegetable at this point. I think my only hope is to discover a biological cause and treatment.

What tools do help you, or have helped you in the past? Perhaps having something printed out that you keep on you at all times reminding you what to do in these situations could be beneficial?


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## mana_war (Jul 3, 2014)

Chip1021 said:


> I find it amazing that you can teach (daily) with this. I was in grad school and I could do the academic work (with GREAT effort), but then when it came time to do my teaching assistantship, I couldn't do it and I had to drop out.
> 
> You say you've had this your whole life? I think mine was too, but it wasn't always as bad as it is now. Not sure I have any advice, as I'm pretty much a demented vegetable at this point. I think my only hope is to discover a biological cause and treatment.
> 
> What tools do help you, or have helped you in the past? Perhaps having something printed out that you keep on you at all times reminding you what to do in these situations could be beneficial?


Demented vegetable ..lol good one


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I would recommend an EEG to rule out neurological illness. I was epileptic for 40 years, but no one ever noticed.

Least of all, me. But when I learned that you could "check out" with a focal temporal lobe seizure without losing

consciousness, I recognized my situation immediately. (immediately after 40 years).


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