# Heart Neurosis



## Zee Deveel (Aug 3, 2009)

For as long as I can remember I've been pre-occupied with my heartbeat, it's always been abnormally strong and I get a lot of ectopic beats (skipping and pounding).

After taking some ecstasy about 8 months ago, I felt my heart racing and began to freak out. I had a massive panic attack which lasted about 4 hours, I knew I was going to die, it was the most horrible experience I've ever had.

The following day I had all kinds of pains in my chest. I was convinced I'd narrowly missed having a heart attack and these pains were my heart on the verge of failure. They would come and go, when they got bad I would have a panic attack. I was in a state of severe stress 24/7 (all this on top of my DP) and admitted myself to A&E several times believing that I was having a heart attack. Life was hell.

I went to see several different doctors, had 4-5 ECGs, a 24 hour ECG, an ultrasound and a consultation with a cardiologist. They all told me I was fine, I did not believe them.

Everytime I'd have a panic attack, I'd take 5-10mg of valium and soon I'd relax and I'd be fine. I felt that the valium was slowing my heart rate and bringing me back from the brink of my heart attack, I'd then normally try to go to sleep for respite from my fear and worrying.

About two months ago, I went to a music festival where I consumed all of my valium and forgot to get any when I got home. Inevitably, a few days later, I had a panic attack. Of course I didn't have any valium to 'help me' so I had to do this on my own. I managed to summon a surprising amount of logical reasoning given my fear. I thought, if I had some valium right now, I'd take it and a few minutes later, I'd feel much better, I wouldn't be dead. This had happened so many times before, yet this time I didn't have valium. I realised that all this time the valium hadn't been saving me from having a heart attack, it had merely been calming me the f**k down! There never was anything dangerously wrong with my heart. I just happen to be a guy who gets ectopic beats and has a very strong heart, this is not uncommon and it is not dangerous!

As the next few weeks went by, I stopped fearing the chest pains and began to recognise them for what they are; pains in my intercostal muscles, caused by tension. The chest pains went away almost as quickly as they came and the palpitations died down to a level I feel comfortable with.

I'm not an idiot, I always knew that the likely explanation for all this was anxiety and that any outsider could have told me this, just as I would have told anyone else. However, I was sure that in this case, the doctors were wrong, everyone was wrong. I was the exception, I was going to die. Anxiety unfortunately, overcomes rational thought most of the time.

If you are someone who worries about your heart and I know there are many on here who do. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE stop it. If you've been checked out and the doctors say there is nothing wrong with your heart then there IS nothing wrong with your heart. You are needlessly making your life horrible. You are not going to have a heart attack, you are going to be fine. Anxiety is the cause for every symptom or strange feeling you feel in and around your heart. Chill the f**k out!









Oh and by the way, I now go running / swimming / weight lifting 6 days a week and I'm still not dead.


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## ElectricRelaxation (May 2, 2010)

98 percent of the time chest pains have nothing to do with your heart, I think chest pains are just a cruel joke by god to mess with human beings. I got all the heart tests done and every thing came back fine, ofcourse. I'm sure most of us (not all) have smoked weed one time or another and got that pounding rapid heart beat thinking we were about to get a heart attack, then I learned that in an event of a real heart attack your heart would not be beating that fast at all, so that was comforting.

By the way, the chances anyones heart stopping during their sleep is pretty minimal, one time when I was 14 I slept through an entire night while having an asthma attack (not the best choice) and woke up still hard to breathe but like I said I slept through the whole thing (even had dreams too)


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## nic.m (Aug 8, 2010)

It was so great to read this - I find this to be the scariest aspect of my DP/anxiety issues and although I know it's just a panic attack, there's always that little voice that's telling me I'm going to die... sometimes it's not so little.

I will think of you next time I'm having palpatations and am freaking out


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