# Depersonalization going away?!



## coco6996

I think that my depersonalization is going away. I would like to hear from a few people who have recovered fully from this awful condition because I have a few questions.

1. I have slight insomnia now. It's like the fatigue I had with depersonalization went away and now all the time I slept is lashing back at me. Did anybody experience this?

2. While the feelings of unreality feel like they're going away, I still don't feel like myself. Is that normal?

3. My emotions still don't feel present. Did anybody experience this with the recovery process?

4. It feels so weird for the feelings of unreality to be dissipating. It's almost scary. It feels like I've been gone for so long and now that I'm coming back, everything feels different. Is THAT normal?

and 5. Does it seem as though I am recovering from this retched condition or does it just seen like I'm getting more positive?

I would love MANY answers! Variety would help a lot when reviewing answers.

Thanks everybody, and I'm so sorry if this is long!


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## teddy1up

coco6996 said:


> I think that my depersonalization is going away. I would like to hear from a few people who have recovered fully from this awful condition because I have a few questions.
> 
> 1. I have slight insomnia now. It's like the fatigue I had with depersonalization went away and now all the time I slept is lashing back at me. Did anybody experience this?
> 
> 2. While the feelings of unreality feel like they're going away, I still don't feel like myself. Is that normal?
> 
> 3. My emotions still don't feel present. Did anybody experience this with the recovery process?
> 
> 4. It feels so weird for the feelings of unreality to be dissipating. It's almost scary. It feels like I've been gone for so long and now that I'm coming back, everything feels different. Is THAT normal?
> 
> and 5. Does it seem as though I am recovering from this retched condition or does it just seen like I'm getting more positive?
> 
> I would love MANY answers! Variety would help a lot when reviewing answers.
> 
> Thanks everybody, and I'm so sorry if this is long!


those people that say , IM 90 % recovered , your one of those now .


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## LuluCalavera

close but still keepp working at it :}


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## Creechxoxo

Thats how i feel! I feel like theres this thin layer between me and the real world
i feel like im right at the surface but just cant seem to fully get there yet!


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## Guest

Fearless said:


> DP doesn't "go" away. It's not a ghost which decided to haunt you and one day decides to leave. These are your feelings, you are creating it. Of course, unconsciously, out of false beliefs you gained probably in your childhood.
> 
> Anyway, your post is full of contradictions, look at the bolded parts.
> 
> The key traits of DP is that you don't feel like yourself, and you feel disconnected from your emotions. Now if those 2 are present, what makes you think your DP is going away?
> 
> Read my blog, you may find something useful.
> 
> Good luck and never give up! Healing is possible.


wow you rly help a lot, you go against my therapist saying i don't have DP LMAO, how is that helpfull, you make ppl more worried and anxious.


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## heartless

fearless:

not so true. the symptoms start to reduce and eventually go away over time, at some point.

i think you should make dp a learning experience, that's where your blog can be useful.

you can find some tools there. however, if he feels that symptoms start to reduce and go

away, he sure is recovering. if you argue with me then just let me inform you that i am typing

what my psychiatrist said.


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## heartless

no one said my psy know about his symptoms...

my symptoms however have reduced significantly, over a period of 1 month. i had a discussion with him

about that and he said that in most cases that's how it works with this disorder. it resolves itself over time.

if he starts to feel that symptoms reduce, then i guess he is recovering, in the same manner that i do.

yes, he doesn't feel like himself yet, because this symptom is yet to be diminished and gone. like two weeks

ago i was on autopilot. but this symptom reduced to the point where i haven't noticed it 3 days or so. another

example is that i got rid of the dream-like feeling. other symptoms also reduce. recovery doesn't happen over-night,

at least for the vast majority of sufferers.

i don't think you are hurting people... i treat dp as a learning experience. i read some of your posts and did some thinking lately, i concluded

that i was angry about myself because of things i am not in control of. for example i used to hate the fact that i had severe acne. it generated

a lot of self-hate.

and why would my psy lie?


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## heartless

i invite you to reread some of the recovery stories. the disorder just resolved itself after some time- symptoms reduced in severity and the person

gradually got better.

i don't want to sound offensive but i would take the word of a psychiatrist over your word. the fact that you have recovered doesn't make you an

expert. we both agree that dp is a learning experience and if you managed to solve some unresolved issues from the past then it is you making

good use of this experience. however, recovery, for many sufferers, happen gradually over some time. their condition improves until they are not

dp'ed anymore. all symptoms are gone.

maybe you think i'm wrong but just go ahead and read some recovery stories.

also, some people got the disorder, but they weren't a victim of "emotional abuse", at least no more than the average person.

and the only time i lied to my doctor was when i needed a prescription for a med which contained a substance i needed for "off-label" use,
that was years ago. you need to be a fool to lie to your doctor about an existing problem.


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## heartless

don't get me wrong though, i think your blog is valuable and i read it myself.

but in this case i disagree with you. i and my mental healthcare providers think

that my condition resolves itself over time, which it does. my emotional fucks are

still present, but i am using this experience to resolve them. yet i don't think it

is necessary for recovery.


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## heartless

3/4 recovery stories are all over the place. i didn't talk about them, and i wouldn't post such a "recovery" story, until my process is complete.

here is an example of what i was talking about:

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/31345-100-recovered/

please read it through, it is not long and shows what i was talking about. he didn't mention anything about emotional abuse and

things he did to resolve any inner issues. he just recovered. he didn't say he wasn't raped/beaten/bullied/neglected etc when he was young

but i'm pretty sure that if he was, that was something to mention.

i guess we agree that all people have bad memories and "buried" or "turned down" emotions/desires and disabling insecurities. yet, some people

get dp after smoking weed/taking mdma, for example, and some don't. a friend of mine has suffered 100 times more than me in his childhood, his

older brother once broke his arm, his father used to beat both him and his brother for nothing, police was around their house every weekend, his

mom died from a heart attack after he turned 20, and he is haunted by negative memories. yet, he smokes weed and enjoys, and i am dp'ed.

i sure do understand what emotional abuse is. in my case: my father used to obsessively comment about my looks ("cut that long filthy hair",
and after i get a haircut "you look like a murdered" when i was 10-16), he used to keep me awake entire nights if i was caught lying about my school, making me "study", a girl that i loved to death turned me down because of my looks, and the list goes on.

this can give rise to a dissociation disorder such as dp/dr. however, my recovery process started spontaneously, while i did nothing besides socializing.

and on the way, i am dealing with my insecurities.


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## heartless

i'll be glad if you can explain further what you mean by "continue to repress their unresolved issues."

thanks


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## Linguos

I think it's important to remember that dissociation is a defense mechanism, nothing but a habit. For example I've recently read accounts of people with dissociative identity disorder who make real process integrating their selves together and go on some time doing well and feeling strong until one day they encounter an especially stressful event that overwhelms them and they unconsciously rely on old habits to cope and disintegrate and are back at square one.

Progress can be in a guise, because being free from depersonalization is progress yet not necessarily permanent. A real cure though requires that the individual never again rely on dissociation as a coping mechanism.

This does imply that one's ultimate goal is to be freed of general dissociation rather than mere depersonalization.


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## heartless

Fearless said:


> Heartless, please read my blog. It's clear that you don't clearly understand what emotional abuse is, and what are the consequences of it. You can find a lot of info about it in my blog.


not only that i read your entire blog, i also took notes and applying.

here's an example:

i always had trouble with girls, because i thought of myself as an abnormally ugly guy. and i denied it. you will not believe what i did to deny it-

-i almost killed myself in the gym to get ripped, and after a year of intense workout that i had almost unnatural body i had the same perception

of myself. i have a shitty eyesight, my lens focal size is 4.25 in each eye, and i don't wear glasses (only for classes) because i'm afraid i will bump

into a mirror. this horrible list goes on.

another one:

-i used to disagree with my father about every issue that exists, and yet, he always had the last word. example: i don't think you need to go to college

in order to make a wealthy life and provide well for your future family, my father thinks otherwise, and here i am finishing a degree in physics which

is going to be useless for the rest of my life. these 4 years will never be back.

again, i have few more to add for this fucking list.

what i do about them? i use my dp to solve them. for example, about the first "issue" that i have- it has always prevented me from going social when

girls are around. now i say- okay, i believe i don't look good. if i'm going to try and change the way i look, i may have success, however, regardless

to how good or bad i look, this believe will be rooted within me. and then i asked myself- WHY? the answer jumped in an instant: because

acne gave me some hard ass time

in my 13-19 years, where this mess all begun. i understood that i still think of myself as a "less of a human than everybody else" because i (HAD)

acne and also my family did a big deal out of it (my bitch cousin used to say, for example, "when will you get a shower already? you are full of acne. 
go rub your face with fuel." that's how low and ignorant a bitch can get. she was 18, i was 13). i understood that i keep beating myself up because i view

myself like there's something horribly wrong with my face, even though right now my face are smooth like a baby's ass right now. so i thought about every inch

of my face. i let go of that believe. 2 days later i went to a night club, had a talk with a cute girl, my voice wasn't shaking, i wasn't "contained" - for a lack of

a better term - in myself, i was actually listening to what she was saying. it's because i wasn't harassed by images of me looking like a monster in comparison to her, predicting (unreasonable) disasters like her telling me "i don't talk to you because you look like a pile of horse shit". i was present.

due to my success i went further with this. i took a big look at the mirror. i sat in front of my laptop. i evoked the picture of me going into a dermatologist,

complaining about acne and then i played the dermatologist- i "prescribed" myself accutane (a drug for severe cases of acne which has horrible side effects, i took

it once). i looked at my toy prescription and i understood i won this battle once it didn't make any sense why a guy like me need accutane. i accepted that acne

is not part of me.

name: heartless [i wrote my real name]

id: *********

prescription: accutane 60mg/day for: severe acne

it didn't make any sense. because i managed to let go. two days before, i was actually ready to swallow that shit for another 6 months (a typical course length).

i actually planned to go the a dermatologist and ask for a prescription. now i'm joking about myself.

i hope this convinces you that i do have a solid grip about what emotional abuse is, because i really do. however, my recovery process begun a month ago,

soon after i was dp'ed, and back then i wasn't aware of this website. my symptoms just reduced gradually- no "dream like" feeling, less and less auto-pilot (non now), emotions feel more present and it gradually,and in baby steps, gets better, etc. i still think that the most relevant issue in recovery is time and distraction.

it is working for me, and again, that what a licensed psychiatrist said to me.

all the best.


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## AlexFromPT

Heartless I think you have toxic shame about your looks.

You were probably teased by people. You probably didnt make much fuss about it at the time too. Girls and the beliefs you have about them help here too. You need to accept yourself. Show yourself. Express that anger, that shame you have denied. You obviously didnt at the time and you lied to yourself. Write about it and talk to someone. Cry, shout and start to respect yourself. Obsessions, intrusive thoughts and worries are normal at this point its a defense mechanism. Dont focus on them, just focus on GOING TOWARDS THEM.

What I mean is, challenge yourself. Face the fear you have of looking some girl in the eyes and talking to her. Dont worry if she notices your acne (at first you will eh but if you keep pushing yourself youll lose this irrational stupid idea) face the fear you have of having a couple of drinks or going out to eat with some friends. It wont make you fat. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO, then, learn how to diet properly and dont do crash diets.

Bodybuilding can help here if you have the balls. BUT if youre not carefull you will obsess about it. I really mean it, you WILL obsess about this stuff so be CAREFULL. To be successfull you need to let bodybuilding ADD to your life and not take away from it.

Shit, we see tons of fat people with great personalities and a great deal of self respect. It all boils down to ACCEPTING who you are. Which in turn, comes from our emotional background.


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## Victor Ouriques

*" 4.) they were forced or manipulated in other ways that they shouldn't feel certain emotions."*

I think this one it's pretty strong,speacially on men.

Today culture is fucked up.We grow men saying they should be cold,and never cry.

Mostly of them will break this "rule" now and then,but me I always hold my cries,and forced myself to never feel excessive happiness,neither excessive sadness,or any other emotions.

I never really let the "wave of emotions" flow through me,I learned to "control"(a.k.a supress) them.

I Still have this shitty habit,and YES it's automatic and most of the time I don't notice me doing it,cause I've been this way since kid.

Of course the fact I was sexual abused,suffered bullying from being fat in my childhood,my obsession for perfection,to don't do mistakes,and much more stuffs made me feel this way.Even the fact that I'm very smart helped in getting DP.Of course thinking bullshits like solipsism it's a great way to fly away from your own inner-hurted self.

And now I see,and I was so convinced I was strong,tought,unbreakable,perfect,and the effort to maintain that image to other people gave me and gives me severe stress.

I Thought I was an unbreakable glass,yet I always have been a broken glass with the little pieces bonded.


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## lemongirl

I don't know how I ran into this post but I thought I should comment  That is wonderful that you are better coco! We all get DP from physical reasons (mine from an environmental exposure), and I can relate to what you are saying (though you are still better than me even though I have made progress). I think it will eventually pass if you live a healthy lifestyle. Just do that and give it time! Since I have been treating mine I have continued to get better (with hopeishere and a couple of other member's suggestions-thanks guys!! 

Anyway, congrats on your progress!


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## Pmz623

Fearless said:


> To me, that's not a recovery story, sorry. I believe these people who "recover" but have no idea how and why, are the ones who just continue to repress their unresolved issues.
> 
> Emotional abuse only creates DP if there is a disorganized attachment already in place. To me, the whole story is not about getting rid of DP symptoms, but to resolve your traumas. DP is not really the problem, only a result.
> 
> Like I said, your life, your time, you have the right to believe whatever you wish to.


holy shit man, you really are so one sided its annoying.

Here is my story. Took too much drugs saturday night, sunday was fine. monday went to work and couldnt think straight and realized the drugs fucked with my head. I started freaking out. Since the feeling in my head never went away and my thought process wasnt getting better, I kept freaking out I had brain damage untill I had fully DP.

that was my trauma

Now 7 months later, I sit here with no anxiety and an calm over the fact that my life was totally flipped up side down. Im fact last night, I was actually feeling very happy with where things are. It was weird. I actually started looking at the entire experiance like a gift that this was supposed to happen in my life to prepare me for something greater. I felt calm and relaxed, but still every DP symptom remained. I woke up today and DP was still there.

Dp caused me to loose my job and panic that I will have no career again. I have a job now, that Im happy with it and think It might be what I might want to go to school for soon and possible take up as a career. So I have a bit of direction now that I thought I lost.

This isnt like a check list here. Ok I lost my GF from DP. what, I have to get a new GF to check that off my "preventing me to recover" list??

I have no idea what other unresolved issues I can come up with of why I still have DP. My emotional abuse would be the panic I let my self go under when I could not think straight to function for work. My thinking is far batter that a few months ago and I work and impress my boss with how well im doing. I feel good about this.

This isnt like a video game where you have to complete certain missions and you will get your goal. Maybe a traumatic event caused ur brain to freak out and stop working properly.

Thats what I believed happened. I got an EEG done recently. My brain is currently running with lower brain waves than what it should be. The doc said is was running under a "low idle" and with some work with neurofeedback he believes he can improve this.

I dont understand how you think. when someone says Im starting to feel better. In your head you think "all or nothing" There has to be a period of improvement. yes, I understand people just wake up some day and its gone. but maybe for others its not that simple. Maybe for some the brain really does need to shift back to a normal state of functioning and during that "shift" people will start to feel "better"

Can you agree with anything?


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## YouKnowItsNo

Right in the feels


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## L.Z.

I wanna beat up Fearless really bad.


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## DarkMatter

L.Z. said:


> I wanna beat up Fearless really bad.


gotta get through me first


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## Pmz623

L.Z. said:


> I wanna beat up Fearless really bad.


doesnt everyone?


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## Pmz623

Fearless said:


> why should I? we are different people and we have different opinions.
> 
> your post sounds like a huge bag of insecurity to me. if you're sure you didn't have trauma, you'd just ignore all of my posts without a thought. but I "annoy" you. cool story.
> 
> what I write is annoying you because it touches something.


touches something? no I just think ur a close minded idiot and it annoys me and Im not a person keep my mouth shut when I have an opinion.

Making people think they have a lot more to worry about then they do. Peoples lives are already fucked up. Its not that easy to address if any "emotional issues". I personally think focusing on health is a HUGE factor in this. And when I say focus on health, its not just eating. Its just about doing things that make you generally happy. The past is the past. I believe in letting go of the past, not dwelling on it and trying to figure it out.

Progress is about focusing on forming new habits rather than trying to figure out how to break the old ones. When you try to form new habits, old habits will just naturally break. Its a lot more rewarding and alot less painful i believe. DO THE THINGS THAT YOUR AFRAID OF OUT OF FEAR AND PROVE TO YOUR SELF THAT THINGS WILL SLOWLY IMPROVE BECAUSE THOUGH YOU MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT. YOU ARE CAPABLE TO LIVING. IT MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT BUT LIFE IS LIVABLE. THIS IS FOCUSING ON HEALTH. ITS IMPROVING MENTAL HEALTH THROUGH LIVING HAPPY.

What if you do have problems with you parents? What can you do to fix the past? nothing! you cant fix any hurt thats been done. But what you can do? answer is create a life that's pleasurable enough so that you don't have to spend your days dwelling on how much your parents fucked you up. Its your life, take it by the balls and do something about it.

Stop going to a therapist and wasting his time about how much your parents or family messed with you. Let him help you address some current insecurites and fears that prevent you getting the job you want, or getting the girl/guy you want, or the next step in life. Focus on the now, not the past.

This is what a normal person regardless of DP should do. DP is like a huge block on life. We all have them. DP or not. We just need to figure out how to get around these. And eventually from what I understand DP will then fade off. Focus on how you can life a normal life and normalicy will come.

AM I CRAZY HERE?


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## Guest

Pmz623 said:


> touches something? no I just think ur a close minded idiot and it annoys me and Im not a person keep my mouth shut when I have an opinion.
> 
> Making people think they have a lot more to worry about then they do. Peoples lives are already fucked up. Its not that easy to address if any "emotional issues". I personally think focusing on health is a HUGE factor in this. And when I say focus on health, its not just eating. Its just about doing things that make you generally happy. The past is the past. I believe in letting go of the past, not dwelling on it and trying to figure it out.
> 
> Progress is about focusing on forming new habits rather than trying to figure out how to break the old ones. When you try to form new habits, old habits will just naturally break. Its a lot more rewarding and alot less painful i believe. DO THE THINGS THAT YOUR AFRAID OF OUT OF FEAR AND PROVE TO YOUR SELF THAT THINGS WILL SLOWLY IMPROVE BECAUSE THOUGH YOU MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT. YOU ARE CAPABLE TO LIVING. IT MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT BUT LIFE IS LIVABLE. THIS IS FOCUSING ON HEALTH. ITS IMPROVING MENTAL HEALTH THROUGH LIVING HAPPY.
> 
> What if you do have problems with you parents? What can you do to fix the past? nothing! you cant fix any hurt thats been done. But what you can do? answer is create a life that's pleasurable enough so that you don't have to spend your days dwelling on how much your parents fucked you up. Its your life, take it by the balls and do something about it.
> 
> Stop going to a therapist and wasting his time about how much your parents or family messed with you. Let him help you address some current insecurites and fears that prevent you getting the job you want, or getting the girl/guy you want, or the next step in life. Focus on the now, not the past.
> 
> This is what a normal person regardless of DP should do. DP is like a huge block on life. We all have them. DP or not. We just need to figure out how to get around these. And eventually from what I understand DP will then fade off. Focus on how you can life a normal life and normalicy will come.
> 
> AM I CRAZY HERE?


People always forget that their past used to be their present and if it had an impact then, it will still be effecting them in some way however many decades later. This isn't about wallowing in the past; it's about better understanding the causes of our emotional issues and bad habits in the present. It's a way to gain a better perspective of them and find ones that you may never have noticed or thought of as an issue, and it gives them a reason for existing. This isn't about trying fix the past either, it's over and nothing can be done about it, but we can still take the time to fully understand the impact it has had on us.

Everything was are today is the result of how we were impacted by events in the past; so what is so bad about looking there for answers? The past you is still you, and you've carried everything that's ever happened in your life in some way, for good or for bad.

Were not trying to rewrite the pages of our diary, we're simply consulting it to see how we ended up where we are today.


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## CharlieFreak

He kinda has to be harsh because that guy can't even convince himself that he got fucked up for a reason. If he was able to take a step back and look rationally at the situation he would realize that if he were emotionally stable, the drugs he took wouldn't have caused "DP".


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