# any advice please on how to " not care what others thin



## klt123 (Jun 15, 2005)

i used to be so "carefree" before all this crap happened.. I want to get back to the old me.... not caring what others think.. and esp now i think it is so important because we tend to be almost paronoid about what others think esp for me because people know what is going on with me and some do not but even the ones that don't i am terrified they will. i can't go on like this. im freaking out never at rest. ihate this so much!


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## Guest (May 16, 2007)

CBT. You have self esteem issues, and these kinds of things you speak of can be symptoms of anxiety disorders. In either case, CBT will help you tremendously, to boost your self esteem, and to combat anxious thinking patterns which contribute to your overall situation.

Klt, I am currently dealing with the same issues, just so you know. You are not alone. Get a book called "Feeling Good The New Mood therapy". It has a nice CBT program in it.

Eric


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## klt123 (Jun 15, 2005)

there and done that along with many other books.


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## Universal (May 30, 2005)

I got some crazy shit on my mind too mang. Like for example I always think people are judging me or thinking's im nuts or something. This is common amongst people with DP. I also used to have horrible anxiety and panic attacks, and extreme agoraphobia. So I know what you're coming from regarding strange thinking and incapability to act with reason and a sense of self-confidence. My confidence is shot and I feel like I'm "breezing" through life and not feeling like a "concrete" person. I don't know how to say it. Like a Normal Person I guess. So, in general I feel weird and very self-conscious and paranoid, but I guess being able to catch these things and recognize what is going on can help me to feel better in the future.


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## Guest (May 16, 2007)

yeah, and did you actually do the CBT work.....which takes around 2 to 3 months of hard work. consistently? or did you just sort of flip through the book and give up. You have to dedicate yourself. and work hard at it. 
nothing comes easy. you may have social anxiety too. in this case CBT is a bit different. you handle it step by step, as exposing yourself to fearful situations does nothing at all for the disorder. you have to break it down, and expose yourself little by little.

But i wouldnt beat myself up over how you should tailor your CBT to (OCD, GAD, SAD, Depression). you will just drive yourself nuts with this. just try to stick to the basics.

Eric


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## klt123 (Jun 15, 2005)

it has been ten yrs of traveling to other states to see docs, and i have been there and done it all trust me..... researching, talking, doing hard, deep therapy work for yrs and yrs all to get me noplace so you are knew to this and your advice is kinda not needed at this point. thanks


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## HalfAPerson (Aug 22, 2006)

You asked a question and he's giving you advice. Good advice, the way I see it.

No one has a crystal ball to be able to see exactly every single issue you're dealing with. At least he offered something.

We're all struggling with the same shit here...some of us are simply using different shovels.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

It's not an easy question to answer. I'd say developing belief in yourself is important.


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

Accept yourself and others. Trust your own feelings and follow your intuition.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

CECIL said:


> Accept yourself and others. Trust your own feelings and follow your intuition.


INFP?...8)


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## Guest (May 16, 2007)

good riddance. I tried to help. maybe if you stopped spinning your wheels frantically for one minute you might slow down and actually GET somewhere with something you do. I know your type, because I am your type. You freak out constantly. I can see that in your posts....

the fact that you traveled from state to state in REACTION to this problem, tells alot about you. You are out of control, to be quite honest. I think your whole life has become centered around your quest to get better. Did you know that actually makes it worse? What is your diagnosis anyway? That would be interesting to hear. But, as I can guess, you probably have many different things going on at the same time, and you feel overwhelmed by it all right? Like theres just too much to handle and you don't know where to start, so you get nowhere, and just keep freaking out..
Believe me, you say that I am new to this and that I don't know what I'm talking about. Listen, I am not new to this. And I do know what I am talking about. And whats more, most of what I'm talking about is exactly what you are talking about. I have a feeling I know how you do things. You start something, all excited about it. Then you find every single possible complication and find a reason to stop doing it. Or you get so stressed out you don't even start at all. Then you try to dig deep to find out what is making you do that, or what is causing it. Am I right? Because if I think I am, then tell me. We have a very strong need to like pinpoint and get to the exact precise point of origin of everything. I spend much time every day thinking in my head if this falls in line with OCD, GAD, or what is it. Like it really matters.....those thoughts in themselves are just obsessive. The need to pinpoint everything is perfectionism. Your mind never stops right, it just keeps going, seeking the infinite? 
Trust me, I know how it is. I know how it goes. You start looking at self help books, then you think you have this problem, then that one. Then its all too much to handle. And you start to complicate things. then eventually you just get so frustrated and overwhelmed you just want to run away. but you cant, because your mind is racing. and then you spend the rest of the day trying to fight that off...the ruminations. but you cant. because you cant just turn off thoughts. It takes a process, a very long process. Which, honestly, I don't think you have started yet. You've dabbled in it, sure, but I think you need consistancy. You need to stop spiralling out of control. Everything can seem overwhelming. just keep going. 
Its a really stupid cycle. And it just repeats.

believe me, freaking out gets you nowhere.

Eric


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

That was actually a really inspiring post!


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

piRsq. said:


> INFP?...8)


Yes, but that's beside the point :roll:


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## klt123 (Jun 15, 2005)

uh ok.. umm can't control the freak outs but thanks for claiming to know me. lol...i don't get excited about anything.. so thanks again for claiming. LOL


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

wow. Remind me never to try to help this person again. If they were any more grateful, I don't think that I would be able to contain myself....

Eric


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## shamrose (May 14, 2007)

I'l second that...you know what your talking about...its great that you can be so expressive about how you feel

 [/quote]


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

A taste of the meds mate *nods*



jesusmyangsthasabodycount said:


> wow. Remind me never to try to help this person again.
> 
> Eric


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## shamrose (May 14, 2007)

*That was actually a really inspiring post!*

sorry ...my reply came up at the wrong time...still getting used to how these forums work...i meant i second your opinion...doh!


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

It's really funny when people are so frank. I mean, I've never had the confidence something like "pull yourself together you good for nothing son of a bitch", but have always wanted to. It just diffuses the atmosphere a little.


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

I'll second that sweet heart. See! I'm not the only one whom "*KNOWS*"! ... nothing "strange" about it :mrgreen:



piRsq. said:


> It's really funny when people are so frank. I mean, I've never had the confidence something like "pull yourself together you good for nothing son of a bitch". My housemate gave me the run-down the other day.....I repeated some of his insults back to him today and *the strange thing is that he accused me of being argumentative!*


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

Oh you're not fast enough today sweet heart... I'm getting all your original posts aren't I :wink: :lol:



piRsq. said:


> It's really funny when people are so frank. I mean, I've never had the confidence something like "pull yourself together you good for nothing son of a bitch", but have always wanted to. It just diffuses the atmosphere a little.


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

> any advice please on how to " not care what others think.


Why would you worry about what others think?
who cares what people think. 
I know, you do, but why.

Bailee


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

Because other people's emotions matter more... *rubs head*... I don't know why thought... lol



Bailee said:


> > any advice please on how to " not care what others think.
> 
> 
> Why would you worry about what others think?
> ...


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

I know I shouldn't play it down, its just the way I see it, I don't care what anyone thinks about me, they either like me or they don't.
There is always going to be people who don't like you.
But who cares what they think, most of the time I don't like them either :roll:

Bailee


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

She cares about what other people think (most people care), because of a number of factors. Deeply engrained is a need to be liked by everyone, be accepted, and the slightest perceived failure at this provokes extreme anxiety. Most of this is largely unconscious. Thats why CBT helps to bring it out and change it. So its not really an anxiety problem, per se, its more of a self esteem issue. You have to start working on not trying to win approval from everyone. Its all or nothing thinking, mostly.

Anxiety can play into this, for example, if we are already feeling keyed up and on edge, we walk into a room, we are much more likely to snap at somebody or to think somebody is 'watching us.' this doesn't necessarily mean we have underlying self esteem issues. It could happen to the most balanced person, on a bad day. So Its a combination of both. Anxiety is just a defense mechanism, a very strong one. Also, we believe subconsciously that the more we worry, the more we can 'prepare' for our problems. We have to change this habit too.

Its a combination of factors....I'm not writing this for her (klt) as she really doesn't deserve any more of my attention. But its for anyone else who wanted to know.

Eric


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

Eric? I think some one told you to go and ?receive? CB therapy? not become one? lol. Which books/sites have you been reading please?


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

Burns, why? ........I know I am obsessive. And then I would try and figure out what is the reasoning behind it (more obsessing). than i would have myself reading tons of sites, books, etc.

Seriously.....why do I do it? I don't really know. Someone once said, the purpose of obsessing is to keep on obsessing. But what's it doing for me? what is it giving me? its doing something for me, because i keep doing it. I keep going up in my head. I keep wanting answers, absolute security. Its modified worry. Seeking reassurance. I have a feeling i am answering my own questions here...

what do you guys think?

Eric


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

Do you find yourself wanting to be a solider that takes orders? I often think that if I was in the army... it would suit my DR/DP... I'd make an excellent killing machine once I got over my first kill... although my five year mental record would make it hard for me to get it... and even if I did "get in" I wouldn't be strong enough.


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

jesusmyangsthasabodycount said:


> She cares about what other people think


That's true, but she shouldn't. I not really a big fan of you. And I can only assume you feel the same because you have never responded to any of the post's I have put in your threads. But who cares, I just stopped listening to you.
And yes, I can see the irony in my post. 

Bailee


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

what a crying shame. where is my violin.


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

Where the sun don't shine? :roll:



jesusmyangsthasabodycount said:


> what a crying shame. *where is my violin*.


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

There you go sweetheart









Bailee


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

Now, back on topic, try not to worry about what others think of you klt123.
All that matters is what you think of yourself. If you feel bad about yourself, other people will pick up on it and shy away from you, or worse, take advantage of you. Be proud of who you are.

Bailee


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

Darren said:


> Because other people's emotions matter more... *rubs head*... I don't know why thought... lol


Our society is geared to make us believe that other people are more important than ourselves. We are taught to pretend our own emotions don't exist. We are taught through social conditioning that we aren't allowed to be happy unless everyone else around us is happy first.

That's why people are so caught up in this idea that they have to impress other people. People we believe that if other people don't approve of who we are, then we can't be happy.

Which of course is all bull shit. You can be whoever you want. If people don't approve of you, if people are offended by something you do, that's THEIR PROBLEM, NOT YOURS.


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## Guest (May 18, 2007)

Bailee,

What's up with so many people accusing me of not responding to and appreciating their replies to my threads. As far as I'm concerned, with comments like yours, I am the one who should be offended. I remember saying my gratitudes to everyone who helped or contributed, several times, and even PMing many people to tell them how much I appreciated their responses. So, no, I don't appreciate your comments, they are downright false. And yes, stupid comments like that..... will make me angry, because they are baseless. 
Maybe you should not project your parents/societies lack of attention towards you, onto me. Because........I really don't appreciate it.

Have a nice day 

Eric


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

CECIL said:


> Our society is geared to make us believe that other people are more important than ourselves. We are taught to pretend our own emotions don't exist. We are taught through social conditioning that we aren't allowed to be happy unless everyone else around us is happy first.
> 
> That's why people are so caught up in this idea that they have to impress other people. People we believe that if other people don't approve of who we are, then we can't be happy.
> 
> Which of course is all bull shit. You can be whoever you want. If people don't approve of you, if people are offended by something you do, that's THEIR PROBLEM, NOT YOURS.


Great post, I couldn't agree more.

Bailee


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## Levi (Dec 28, 2005)

[


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Try and work out what you are afraid of Klt123. ...is it that you want to be liked/accepted/appreciated?


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## Guest (May 18, 2007)

lol. Why are you even still trying to help her. It's apparent she's not even listening....lol. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. She will get better, when she wants to.

LOL, Levi........I see you are labeling now. tisk tisk. lol

Eric


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## Levi (Dec 28, 2005)

jesusmyangsthasabodycount said:


> lol. Why are you even still trying to help her. It's apparent she's not even listening....lol.
> Eric


Mirror, mirror on the wall


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## shamrose (May 14, 2007)

yikes...theres a lot of hatred on these posts! I'm wondering if i have found the right place to share thoughts and feelings.forgive me if im wrong as im new to this forum but i had the impression this was a safe haven. not that im unrealistic or naive, i know people have misunderstandings and share different opinions but dont people join this type of forum to share and try to help each other through their experiences. 
bemused!


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## Guest (May 18, 2007)

The alpha male/female can change at any point; so you're totally correct =). Nothing else to be added to what you have said. Cheers.



CECIL said:


> Darren said:
> 
> 
> > Because other people's emotions matter more... *rubs head*... I don't know why thought... lol
> ...


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## Guest (May 18, 2007)

*Stops Levi from labeling for a moment and asks:* "What's written on the labels?" *Levi smirks and shows me the labels:*

*ASS WIPE*

:lol:



jesusmyangsthasabodycount said:


> LOL, Levi........I see you are labeling now. tisk tisk. lol
> 
> Eric


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## Guest (May 18, 2007)

Our EGOs are big although harmless = "Sticks and stones" ect. If you want to share your thoughts and feelings your best bet would be to PM some one you can form a trust with.



shamrose said:


> yikes...theres a lot of hatred on these posts! I'm wondering if i have found the right place to share thoughts and feelings.


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

I'm nice!

And I don't know how to not care what other people think... maybe that's why I try to be nice?..

Shamrose: It's generally a nice place, but you have to remember we're all here because we have problems, and sometimes these problems cause people to get a little bit aggravated and naughty :roll: but generally we're all lovely to each other :wink:


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## Guest (May 18, 2007)

suz said:


> :roll: but generally we're all lovely to each other :wink:


YEAH! *Pushes Suz down a hill*... "Real nice" :mrgreen: *watches her do a 1080 barrel roll* YOU GO GIRL!


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

whoop!


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## shamrose (May 14, 2007)

I'm nice!

And I don't know how to not care what other people think... maybe that's why I try to be nice?..

Shamrose: It's generally a nice place, but you have to remember we're all here because we have problems, and sometimes these problems cause people to get a little bit aggravated and naughty but generally we're all lovely to each other 
_________________
thanks suz...i do understand life is frustrating, it just felt like everyone was having a go at each other. not just on this post, but on the others also.


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## Pollyanna 3098 (Dec 12, 2006)

shamrose said:


> thanks suz...i do understand life is frustrating, it just felt like everyone was having a go at each other. not just on this post, but on the others also.


Yes we love a good argument every now and again, but it is really a friendly place. Sometimes its just good to let a bit of frustration out, but like I said it is a place where you can feel comfortable voicing your opinion. It is not always argumentative, most of the time I have a good laugh.

3098


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

Yeah, I enjoy reading some of the bickering, but generally keep out of it. Unless I'm having a reallllllllllly bad day (sorry Eric)...

But yeah, rant if you like, or stay in the quiet corner with me, I like a peaceful life really.


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## Phill (Sep 27, 2004)

I care what people think and it is mainly a dr issue with me. I remember before i had dr i was a lot more confident, self assured and solid. But knowing it is the dr helps me because that means it's not true insecurity.
I think that makes sense.


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## jft (Jan 10, 2005)

I think it is a cop out to explain away bad behaviour on this board by saying that we all have problems. I think there are many like shamrose who really are put off by the bickering here, and the personal attacks. The ones that stay in on threads of this nature are either the ones who are offended and have the strenght or desire to fight back, the others being the type that enjoy a good fight and sticking it good to someone else or feel an extreme need to be right. But most people hate it and are fearful or loathful of posting because of this. I used to post here more but a well placed and very nasty post by Darren referring to my age and mocking me repeatedly as an "Old Bean" because of my age persepctive on an issue cut me to the quick and chased me out of here, it was not worth it to try to be supportive in m own way and to get mocked in return.

The sad thing is that often the forceful lead the charge, the ones with wisdom and support too often stay by the wayside. One can make opinions without attack. It is too bad that even cable news thrives on such things. Before I came to this forum a few years back I was warned on another site to stay way from here as it got nasty for the fainthearted. Yes we all have problems, and some of us, if not most, are a bit fainthearted and we do not need angry vengeful atmospheres while looking for support.

I feel we do no good to be nasty to one another on this type of forum. I even believe there is a sticky titled "a word to the rude" that all of us should refer to.
jft


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## shamrose (May 14, 2007)

jft said:


> I think it is a cop out to explain away bad behaviour on this board by saying that we all have problems. I think there are many like shamrose who really are put off by the bickering here, and the personal attacks. The ones that stay in on threads of this nature are either the ones who are offended and have the strenght or desire to fight back, the others being the type that enjoy a good fight and sticking it good to someone else or feel an extreme need to be right. But most people hate it and are fearful or loathful of posting because of this.
> 
> I feel we do no good to be nasty to one another on this type of forum. I even believe there is a sticky titled "a word to the rude" that all of us should refer to.
> jft


thank you jft, i seriously could not have put it better myself...i did try. i believe i have something to give to this site, but had been put off a little. i avoided contributing to this thread for a couple of days, as i thought there was no point...then seen your contribution. 
i hate bloody arguments just for the sake of outdoing another person's advice or for whatever reason( im not the argumentative type.)
i know suz you said that everyone here has problems and this can be a place to vent. i dont think i would want to do that on here. ive been very lonely for years with my mental anguish. not being able to explain to friends and family how i feel, feeling weird and thinking i was the only person who had these experiences, then when i found this forum i was delighted. i thought, heres a community of people who have the same problem as me, its a chance to share my bits of knowledge and experience and gain some support in return.


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

sorry


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## shamrose (May 14, 2007)

suz said:


> sorry


suz...theres no need to apologise...uve not offended me luv...i was just saying how i felt. in fact, u were trying to help out the situation..


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

I know, but jft called me a cop out. I take things to heart I guess.


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## Guest (May 23, 2007)

Yes I used my mind reading abilities to assume your age. Then I called you a "old bean" to go out of my way to upset you ?because?? I love upsetting people I don?t even know. *nods*... very well assumed jft.

Thank you for making me aware I hurt your feelings by disrespecting your age (even though I haven?t got a clue how old you are).

You might even want to learn the definition of ?Old bean?:

old bean
noun 
(Brit)
1. colloq 
An affectionate form of address, usually to a man.

Enough said.



jft said:


> I used to post here more but a well placed and very nasty post by Darren referring to my age and mocking me repeatedly as an "Old Bean" because of my age


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

I see 'old bean' as a term of affection. Very British too. I likes it.

Call me old bean Darren, I think it's sweet.


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## Guest (May 23, 2007)

Suz: You are the old bean stork which supports me. Thank you =).


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## Guest (May 23, 2007)

I can't stand Darren, I wish he would leave this forum. I thought about putting into a moderator my concerns about this..

He seems to say alot, but not much of it is helpful or constructive. Whenever I see a post from his, I usually gloss right over it now. He seems to be irritating to other people, also. At least that is what I am picking up from this thread. JFT, I just stopped reading what he says, or responding to it. It seems to work pretty well. He already knows I will never directly change words with him again, or respond to anything that he says.

I really wish he would just leave the forum.

Eric


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## Guest (May 23, 2007)

jesusmyangsthasabodycount said:


> *Little school girl voice*: I'M TELLIN MUM!


Please don?t tell mummy on me Eric? I?ll?I?ll give you all my pocket money!  ... :lol:

"Easy".


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## Pollyanna 3098 (Dec 12, 2006)

You are quite BLUNT aren't you Eric.

And Darren, thank you for another good chuckle :lol:

3098


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## Guest (May 23, 2007)

HOW DARE YOU CALL THE ?HOLY ONE? BLUNT! I?LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THE "HOLY ONE" IS A VERY FRIENDLY PERSON. HE ALWAYS LISTENS TO PEOPLE?S ADVISE AND MAKES SURE THEY HAVE HIS APPRECIATION BY SENDING OUT PMs WE DON?T GET TO SEE! YOU ALL (SOME OF YOU) ONLY ASSUME HE?S NASTY BECAUSE HIS! PLEASE STOP ASSUMING AND START RESPECTING AND LOVING THE "HOLY ONE" BECAUSE ?HE DESERVES REPSECT?.

I mean every word of it? yeah right!... course I DO!... LOL 



Pollyanna 3098 said:


> You are quite BLUNT aren't you Eric.
> 
> And Darren, thank you for another good chuckle :lol:
> 
> 3098


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

Darren said:


> Suz: You are the old bean stork which supports me. Thank you =).


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## nick123456 (Jun 14, 2007)

A technique I use that helped me to not care what other people think:

Repeat in your head, over and over again: I don't have to impress anybody, or be addicted to approval.


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## Guest (Jun 19, 2007)




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