# Marijuana depersonalization victims...



## Healy787 (Jan 18, 2010)

Hey guys, so I've been doing some reading on depersonalization. From what I've read, it is very important to find the root cause of it all. It did not just happen. there is a reason, I promise you. dp is our defense mechanism against unwanted thoughts. We learn to separate ourselves from what we are thinkin, in order to stop those thoughts. Young kids even do this in situations of trauma, like rape, molestation, and other world changing events. Our brain is trying to protect us. So that's what I want to talk about... trauma

I think all of us who got dp/dr from smoking weed didnt actually get it from the weed. I think we experienced a very traumatic event during our high that caused us to resort to distancing ourselves from the way we were thinking. I recall going into a "trance." Life was like a flip book. I thought I would never get out of the horrible horrible experience that I can't even come close to describing. I rationalized it to be hell. I did not have delusions of fire or satan, I just actually rationalized the situation I was in to be Hell. I said to myself, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, it won't go away, I'm so scared and so alone, I must be in Hell... I don't know why it's just clicking to me now, but that was traumatic. I can't think of something being more traumatic than actually thinking you are in Hell.

But, anyways, I'm sure many of you marijuana dp'ers experienced a similar thing. It was sort of like a realllyyyy bad trip. I remember for a few days after I was fine, but then I smoked again and the panicky hellish feeling came back. I used dp for a couple days to get away from this feeling and I was fine again. But then, I remember avoiding the subject of weed or that night completely. I was sooo scared to talk about it that I ran from those conversations. It literally brought back the feeling. One day, I thought about it too much and I literally went into dp mode and haven't come out since. a year and a month ago









So, I think all of our experiences with weed and dp relate to trauma. I am a bit anxious and I always was, which could have caused the trip/panic attack/hell, but I think trauma is the actual reason for my dp, not anxiety. So, of course I'm gonna read more on trauma, but until then, do any of u have any advice for dp caused by trauma and how to fix that? I think I have gotten over the experience, but the dp remains.

Any tips? suggestions?... I feel like i'm curing a new disorder and I'm actually a bit more hopeful

if no advice, I'll be sure to write what I find on here somewhere


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## elfman (Oct 4, 2010)

Hey man, I know that this is a late reply, but I figured I'd respond to this post since it is related to my experience.
About 8 days ago I got extremely high off weed and was feeling great. I went to a party that night, feeling amazing, but when I sat down this one girl was holding my hand and said it was really cold. She then told me that I "look like death" and that scared the hell out of me (or more like scared the hell into me, if you catch my meaning) and since then I have suffered with this DP nonsense. I feel like it's getting a little better, but it's still here, so I'm trying some of the techniques mentioned by some of the members here. I hope they help. 
I hope that my experience can somehow enlighten you. 
Chris


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## FoXS (Nov 4, 2009)

Jim17 said:


> ing you are in Hell.
> So, I think all of our experiences with weed and dp relate to trauma.


i think so, too. but what could be helpful ? facing it? this means that we have to do the same situation again. but i have heard from people that it worsens it.


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## Healy787 (Jan 18, 2010)

By smoking again? I don't think I should ever do that. I wont actually. I feel like I'm not even afraid anymore, I'm just... lost and disconnected. and miserable. I try to face my other fears but its so hard.


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## mixmastermc (Dec 13, 2008)

I smoked weed and then had a horrendous anxiety attack which seemed to have been caused by nothing. I've been stuck in a dp state ever since. I was in maths class sitting with my friends, chilling out. I was 14 and had never experienced anything like molestation, death in the family or anything particularly traumatic.

I actually remember seeing a news report on TV which stated that scientists had proven that THC can cause anxiety attacks. It would seem possible that a trauma flashback could potentially contribute to an anxiety attack experienced by a stoned person. Maybe you should state that traumatic flashbacks could possibly contribute to an anxiety attack whilst stoned, instead of making ridiculous statements like "it's not the weed".


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## WakeWalker (Oct 6, 2010)

elfman said:


> Hey man, I know that this is a late reply, but I figured I'd respond to this post since it is related to my experience.
> About 8 days ago I got extremely high off weed and was feeling great. I went to a party that night, feeling amazing, but when I sat down this one girl was holding my hand and said it was really cold. She then told me that I "look like death" and that scared the hell out of me (or more like scared the hell into me, if you catch my meaning) and since then I have suffered with this DP nonsense. I feel like it's getting a little better, but it's still here, so I'm trying some of the techniques mentioned by some of the members here. I hope they help.
> I hope that my experience can somehow enlighten you.
> Chris


I often too have these corpse characteristics while high


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## hurricane12 (May 22, 2008)

i literally thought i was in hell to it was the most traumatic experience ive ever been through in my life. i think its a mixture of panic and the weed since the weed causes the panic and no matter how hard you try its really hard to control the panic when your heart is beating so fast you think your going to have a heart attack.


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## chippy! (Mar 20, 2010)

Jim17 said:


> Hey guys, so I've been doing some reading on depersonalization. From what I've read, it is very important to find the root cause of it all. It did not just happen. there is a reason, I promise you. dp is our defense mechanism against unwanted thoughts. We learn to separate ourselves from what we are thinkin, in order to stop those thoughts. Young kids even do this in situations of trauma, like rape, molestation, and other world changing events. Our brain is trying to protect us. So that's what I want to talk about... trauma
> 
> I think all of us who got dp/dr from smoking weed didnt actually get it from the weed. I think we experienced a very traumatic event during our high that caused us to resort to distancing ourselves from the way we were thinking. I recall going into a "trance." Life was like a flip book. I thought I would never get out of the horrible horrible experience that I can't even come close to describing. I rationalized it to be hell. I did not have delusions of fire or satan, I just actually rationalized the situation I was in to be Hell. I said to myself, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, it won't go away, I'm so scared and so alone, I must be in Hell... I don't know why it's just clicking to me now, but that was traumatic. I can't think of something being more traumatic than actually thinking you are in Hell.
> 
> ...


Hi there.
Yes mine was very simular from the weed. Well blow, not the actual leave version of the drug. 
Anyway, I had been smoking the stuff for about a year 1/2 or almost 2 years, I can't remember. 
I'd always been fine, but I was a light smoker of the stuff. One day I had a bad experience. It came on in the space of about 15 mins I think after I took a few drags. I just remeber sitting down with a group of people and feeling very relaxed. After a few mins I was soo relaxed and everything so slow that I felt like I was dreaming. Then it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks! My mind realized that it wasn't a dream, this was actually happening. I felt like my mind had gone to sleep but my body was still outside in this park. I couldn't reconnect my mind to my body and I started to panic. I told a freind that I was starting to feel sick and panicy and he laughed saying, " your just whiteying calm down!". 
So anyway I ran home in this dream like state, couldn't see, hear or physically feel much honestly. It was so scary I though I was slipping into a coma. So somehow I made it home, even though it felt like I was in bed sleeping and running in a dream. I couldn't believe I was actually really doing what I was doing becasue it felt so werird. I had something to eat when I got home and went to bed but I was'nt right all night. When I woke up it had eased, but ever since I feel like I've never 100% woken up since that day. I've always felt dreamy and light ever since. I've had one or two days like that first day since but they wern't eveN drug related because I've never even touched the stuff since. 
That was 4 1/2 years ago now and I'm still not cured. Everyday I fear that feeling coming back!


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## Healy787 (Jan 18, 2010)

I really relate to you chippy. Atleast your experience while on the drug. I'm a bit confused as to how the experience (anxiety hell attack) relates to the dp though. I'm not sure if we just had a crazy episode that traumatized us and forced us into depersonalization, or if the attack was sort of a depersonalization attack in itself. Either way, ever since that night, I have not been the same. I have been depersonalized and I was stuck in that dream like state. But now, it's like I'm fighting my way through that state and I'm sort of in an in between world, where my mind feels disconnected and unreal but my intellect (myself) says I am real of course and everything will be fine. It's sort of like my self vs my mind, yet not in a multiple personality kinda way. Like my brain is telling me to be in this fog, but I'm telling my brain to be in the real world. It just doesnt make sense. I don't know how to make them both "think" alike.


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## Kia (Oct 9, 2010)

Jim17 said:


> I really relate to you chippy. Atleast your experience while on the drug. I'm a bit confused as to how the experience (anxiety hell attack) relates to the dp though. I'm not sure if we just had a crazy episode that traumatized us and forced us into depersonalization, or if the attack was sort of a depersonalization attack in itself. Either way, ever since that night, I have not been the same. I have been depersonalized and I was stuck in that dream like state. But now, it's like I'm fighting my way through that state and I'm sort of in an in between world, where my mind feels disconnected and unreal but my intellect (myself) says I am real of course and everything will be fine. It's sort of like my self vs my mind, yet not in a multiple personality kinda way. Like my brain is telling me to be in this fog, but I'm telling my brain to be in the real world. It just doesnt make sense. I don't know how to make them both "think" alike.


OMG I"M SO HAPPY TO HAVE FOUND THIS SITE!!! And especially this thread!!! I am reading about dp and how it could be a withdrawal symptom from some drugs. I truly believe my dissociating/dp has been bad as of late because I quit smoking. I smoked and would live life in this high reality and now that I don't smoke I feel like I am still in that distorted reality. I really hate this feeling =( I am currently being treated for bipolar/borderline and I feel like this depersonalization is the one thing holding me back from recovery. I'm so glad to have found this community.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Kia said:


> I am currently being treated for bipolar/borderline and I feel like this depersonalization is the one thing holding me back from recovery.


I must agree with that statement. I also suffer from borderline personality disorder. I assume that's what you meant when you said borderline?? What kind of treatment have you been seeking?


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## Kia (Oct 9, 2010)

insaticiable said:


> I must agree with that statement. I also suffer from borderline personality disorder. I assume that's what you meant when you said borderline?? What kind of treatment have you been seeking?


right now i am just seeing a therapist who has some skills in treating personality disorders and she has me doing some CBT exercises. she's been great for me in just the 2.5 mos. of seeing her. i'm also on some meds for my mood instability/suicide ideation+insomnia (geodon, seroquel, remeron). the meds have helped some, but I'm still adjusting to them and may need some tweaking.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Kia said:


> right now i am just seeing a therapist who has some skills in treating personality disorders and she has me doing some CBT exercises. she's been great for me in just the 2.5 mos. of seeing her. i'm also on some meds for my mood instability/suicide ideation+insomnia (geodon, seroquel, remeron). the meds have helped some, but I'm still adjusting to them and may need some tweaking.


Oh, that's awesome. I'm glad you have found a therapist that you enjoy working with. That's crucial. I'm not sure if CBT is the treatment of choice for BPD, but rather DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). Anyways, if this therapy is working for you and helping you then by all means I would say continue. I am still in search of finding a therapist I am comfortable with and one that can meet my needs. I am also on a lot of medication to keep me stable and out of the hospital. (I also suffer from Depression & OCD alongside the BPD)
My current medications are: Lamictal, Remeron, Wellbutrin, Abilify & Naltrexone (for Dp/Dr).


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## hopefuluk2 (Aug 20, 2015)

hurricane12 said:


> i literally thought i was in hell to it was the most traumatic experience ive ever been through in my life. i think its a mixture of panic and the weed since the weed causes the panic and no matter how hard you try its really hard to control the panic when your heart is beating so fast you think your going to have a heart attack.


Same here! I have never experienced any trauma like that in my whole life. Even people who have been in war zones do not experience that. I still get nightmares of my experience and see myself hallucinating and about to get psychosis. I can't imagine how one panic attack like this can fuck us up for many years but when you think of it, it is very traumatic!


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