# It got worse before it got better



## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

In February I had a mental breakdown and ended up in the psych ward. The weeks preceeding my breakdown were horrible! I lost sense of who I was and even thought at a few points in time that I was other people. I felt completely insane and didn't think I could stand one more second of it and then I reached the breaking point. I snapped. Though i won't tell you the complete story, I did like I said, end up in the psych ward. From this point and for a few weeks following, I began a healing process that continued until my complete recovery!

I suffered from dp for as long as I can remember. (I'm 22) If I can suffer that long and recover than you can too. Just remember when things seem the worst, that recovery could be right around the corner. As a teenager I even attempted suicide, though I failed. I am extremely thankful that I lived as I have finally taken control of my life. Don't ever lose hope!


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## Guest (Apr 17, 2009)

Well done you!!! So pleased that after so long you have got your reward and are better


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

I am also so happy that you got better.

You raise a VERY valid point - I can't tell you how many people say they were at their worst before getting better. Sometimes it seems it just takes one final collapse before we heal. Who knows why, and it sounds like you had a rough February - but lets hope you feel this good for the rest of your life.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Thanks phased out and matt.  I also hope I'm dp free for good.


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## justmaggie (Apr 6, 2009)

Thank you for your story, it really strengthens others to know what a battle you've been threw and you're still optimistic for the future, i really hope all goes well for you.


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## konstantine02 (Mar 12, 2009)

That is an awesome story! Congrats. February and March were my absolute worse months as well, but I, too, am on the path towards recovering. The psych ward experience put me on this path.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Way to go Conjurus! Good for you  I wish you the best and am glad you're recovered!!!


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Thanks Meghan, Konstantine, and justmaggie. I hope you all recover soon.


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## Guest (May 8, 2009)

Conjurus said:


> I also hope I'm dp free for good.


PLEASE, TELL ME WHAT BEING DP FREE FEELS LIKE!!!!!!!!!


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

You feel in control, you feel real. You don't feel like there's a space between _you_ and your body.


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## Guest (May 8, 2009)

Conjurus said:


> You feel in control, you feel real. You don't feel like there's a space between _you_ and your body.


Man, im so happy for you that you are not in this nightmare anymore, congragulations Jesse. :wink: man i hope we can all get out of this sometime and that this suffering will end.


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## Guest (May 16, 2009)

Your story is really inspiring me right now Jesse, well I guess its inspiring me, or the other me, but anyway im glad I found your recovery story on here. I have a few questions for you I hope you'll awnser and one of them is probably personal and you don't have to awnser if dont want but here they are.

1)What exactly did your worst feel like as I think im at my worst.
2)What triggered your breakdown into the psych ward as I also snapped and went there about 2 months ago
3)How did you know you were getting better? What did that process feel like?
4)This is the optional one- How did you attempt the unthinkable? what was your method?


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

eduEDU1 said:


> Your story is really inspiring me right now Jesse, well I guess its inspiring me, or the other me, but anyway im glad I found your recovery story on here. I have a few questions for you I hope you'll awnser and one of them is probably personal and you don't have to awnser if dont want but here they are.
> 
> 1)What exactly did your worst feel like as I think im at my worst.
> 2)What triggered your breakdown into the psych ward as I also snapped and went there about 2 months ago
> ...


1)I began changing into other personalities. I got pissed at my mom and through my cell phone in her mailbox telling her she'd never hear from me again and took off in my car. About 30 minutes later I showed back up crying.
2)I think a 16 hour drive in 2 days with hardly any sleep triggered it.
3)I knew I was getting better because I stopped changing into different personalities and gradually felt happier and more connected.
4)I took 20 800 milligram pills of ibprufen when I was about 17. I thought for sure this would kill me at the time, and even left a suicide note next to my bed. I woke up very sick early in the morning before anyone had seen my note.


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## Guest (May 16, 2009)

Conjurus said:


> eduEDU1 said:
> 
> 
> > Your story is really inspiring me right now Jesse, well I guess its inspiring me, or the other me, but anyway im glad I found your recovery story on here. I have a few questions for you I hope you'll awnser and one of them is probably personal and you don't have to awnser if dont want but here they are.
> ...


Thanks man.


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