# Out of control on antidepressants AND anti-anxiety meds



## mixedup (Sep 25, 2010)

Please excuse some of the cynicism here---

I have tapered off Wellbutrin over the last 5 months, down to 5 mgs and then off, followed by whole-body shakes. I have eased that by Xanax, 1/16th of a mg twice a day. Now I am getting high off just that tiny amount of Xanax, fearfully impulsive and once more afraid of myself. So I took harmless 1/2 of a dye-free Benadryl, and am now feeling drunk--again, paranoid feeling like weed I took ONCE in the old days. Spending hours in bed, hanging on to the covers to stay put.

OK, so question for all of you: No stimulant (antidepressant) and no sedative (anti-anxiety or allergy med)prevent my depersonalization--in fact they make it worse.

Is the solution to tough it out until I become real, going thru life in terror, hoping I won't act crazy or confused, or put my trust in a med-dispensing psychiatrist who puts me through the medication trial periods for so long it would be too late to find the best med anyway? (which is what I think happened over the last 15 years). Because IMO,a non-self can't help themselves be a self, right?

SERIOUSLY, help me with this dilemma. What's the solution? And where, SPECIFICALLY, can I find solutions?


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## codeblue213 (Feb 15, 2010)

just a question, have you ever tried klonopin? It's very similar to Xanax without the drunk feeling.


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## mixedup (Sep 25, 2010)

Yes--Once they put me on it with Celexa in 2002, and I woke in dreams that I couldn't get out of bed during, and then crawled out of bed and passed out on the floor--very wavy. Then in 2005 they put me on Klonopin to tone down the Zoloft I was on (for OCD) and I woke a few hours later screaming and pulling my hair out.

It's like stimulants (serotonin) kinds of meds make me manic in a terrified, disorganized way, and anti-anxiety/sedating meds make me very wavy and drunk and vulnerable/unsafe. Both take away any sense of grounding and self-control or halfway decent self-management. Really need some help here--is it just me?


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Sorry that you are suffering so much! Wish there was an immediate answer to give.

How severe is the MS at this time? Do your doctors think it is part of your DP? Do you know the source of your DP?


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## mixedup (Sep 25, 2010)

I've been pretty much DP since infancy--long story--verbal & physical neglect (sensory), but never noticed till the last few years. The worst is waking in the morning. Part of me wants to go back to sleep but afraid of the lack of control (not nightmares), but I can't get fully in charge for hours once out of bed. It's like a war all morning: hypnotic pull to sleep, which is what wakes me up scared, versus swimming through mud to get out of it and into my day. Looking back, I've used SSRIs to create OCD- and anxiety-like states just to manage my life (sort of), and anti-anxiety meds to zone out. Neither works. I get dysphoric mania on the stimulants and fear of nothingness on the sedatives.

Ever heard of hypnotic personality? I am pulled toward whatever's in front of me, keep going till I run into something else, then that sets off a different direction. Only OCD keeps me paying the bills, talking robot-like to others, fighting to feed myself (that's the hardest--the clock-ticking reality of food and safety). Can't do everything in a zone.

WHAT"S THE ANSWER??! 3 weeks till I get in to the psychiatrist first appointment!


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## Guest (Dec 23, 2010)

Don't be paranoid. Benydral should do nothing but make you very mildly drowsy. If you're paranoid you could take a placebo and think it makes you worse.


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