# Hyper-aware of my existence/panic fear of living - is this depersonalization?



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Hi everyone.

Did you ever have the feeling of actually being afraid of your own consciousness (awareness)? Like you suddenly realize you are stuck in this body and just the fact that you are existing gives you intense panic-like anxiety. It's like you became aware of your own awareness, you freak out, and then the mind wants to escape from reality or "shut itself down" because being conscious is "overwhelming" for some reason.

It is such a weird feeling, it drives me crazy and it has turned into a 24/7 obsession. My mind is fixated on it now.

I had this feeling before as well from time to time and it was triggered by a panic attack I believe. But now, all of a sudden, I am stuck in this "autoloop" where I have this hyper-awareness feeling all the time and I constantly dread my own existence. From time to time, I would also have panic attacks because of this as well, because the feeling produces intense anxiety. The fact that I am conscious feels weird and overwhelming for some reason now. Funny thing is that I am not suicidal at all, I adore living, but I don't know how to "make peace" with my consciousness again.

Oh yes, and I've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but I didn't start the treatment yet. I'm not sure if medications can help when you actually have this feeling about your own consciousness. I feel like I am losing my mind 

Is this depersonalization? How do you cope with this condition? If only I wasn't thinking about it so often, it wouldn't become an obsession like it is now.


----------



## Jason39 (May 10, 2019)

You may be experiencing "existentialism" problems. Some say it is a disorder and some say a symptom. It is often associated with dp. The best treatment is psychotherapy.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

It could be....a symptom of high anxiety. According to my psychiatrist, I also have OCD tendencies. I don't feel detached from the world or that I am living in a dream or something..........I feel "trapped" inside my own body and I am overly aware of awareness so to say and the fact that I am alive and conscious is giving me anxiety. It is so weird, I don't want to feel this way.

I don't want to take any SSRIs, but I may have to, just to be able to function properly. I feel my stress levels are over the roof.

I try my best to relax and "not care", but it doesn't work in the long run


----------



## Debora17 (Oct 4, 2021)

Cuphead said:


> Hi everyone.
> 
> Did you ever have the feeling of actually being afraid of your own consciousness (awareness)? Like you suddenly realize you are stuck in this body and just the fact that you are existing gives you intense panic-like anxiety. It's like you became aware of your own awareness, you freak out, and then the mind wants to escape from reality or "shut itself down" because being conscious is "overwhelming" for some reason.
> 
> ...


I kinda feel similar and I h


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Sorry to hear you're experiencing the same thing  It seems to be more common than we believe. I hope we will overcome it soon, this is a real terror.


----------



## Liv (Aug 11, 2021)

It’s something I face daily, so you’re not alone. Hyper awareness of ones thoughts and consciousness is probably a common defence mechanism when we’re faced with mental symptoms we can’t control - so we check in all the time. This, of course, is contra-productive and makes it worse. It’s sucks. 

Often our attempts of solving ourselves makes it worse. I’ve found the best thing is to start solving problems OUTSIDE of yourself (regular life stuff)- even if they seem utterly unimportant at the moment. (We think we first need to solve the problems of the mind before we go out in the world - but we CANNOT solve our minds WITH our minds).


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Liv said:


> It’s something I face daily, so you’re not alone. Hyper awareness of ones thoughts and consciousness is probably a common defence mechanism when we’re faced with mental symptoms we can’t control - so we check in all the time. This, of course, is contra-productive and makes it worse. It’s sucks.
> 
> Often our attempts of solving ourselves makes it worse. I’ve found the best thing is to start solving problems OUTSIDE of yourself (regular life stuff)- even if they seem utterly unimportant at the moment. (We think we first need to solve the problems of the mind before we go out in the world - but we CANNOT solve our minds WITH our minds).



You described that so well. It does appear this problem is far more common than it appears. And you are absolutely right - I've made it worse by trying to fix it instead of just ignoring it as I have before. It was popping up here and there when I am anxious, but I didn't pay a lot of attention. I've talked about it with other people, they had it too. But at one point I started having panic attacks more frequently and my anxiety got worse because of many factors (including the pandemic), so I dedicated a lot more attention to this hyper-awareness thing and now my mind is obsessed with it 24/7.

It's like a pattern - I would look at something, and I would be like "oh, this is so overwhelming, to exist, I want to get out" and then panic kicks in. Distraction helps, but my mind constantly thinks about itself nonetheless. Does the same pattern apply to you as well?

Probably the best idea to make it fade is to reduce our anxiety levels, but that takes time and effort. Have you tried any meds?


----------



## Normalpeople (Oct 27, 2021)

Cuphead said:


> Hi everyone.
> 
> Did you ever have the feeling of actually being afraid of your own consciousness (awareness)? Like you suddenly realize you are stuck in this body and just the fact that you are existing gives you intense panic-like anxiety. It's like you became aware of your own awareness, you freak out, and then the mind wants to escape from reality or "shut itself down" because being conscious is "overwhelming" for some reason.
> 
> ...


Hello, I am experiencing the exact same thing and it is frightening. I can’t remember what normal feels like or how not to be afraid of..basically yourself and your own consciousness. I don’t know about your experience but it is extremely disturbing for me. Distraction helps a bit but it just does not want to fade away, when I feel normal for a bit it’s like an annoying reminder that constantly come in. If you have any advice I would be glad to hear it )


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Normalpeople said:


> Hello, I am experiencing the exact same thing and it is frightening. I can’t remember what normal feels like or how not to be afraid of..basically yourself and your own consciousness. I don’t know about your experience but it is extremely disturbing for me. Distraction helps a bit but it just does not want to fade away, when I feel normal for a bit it’s like an annoying reminder that constantly come in. If you have any advice I would be glad to hear it )


Yes, this is exactly how I feel. Distraction helps and, in general, trying to feel as positive as you can. But even when I switch focus, I still feel overly aware of my surroundings to the point of having panic anxiety. 

I think our feelings are caused by high levels of stress, but I just don't know how to not be uncomfortable by my consciousness anymore. I am afraid I will be stuck here forever 

I hope somebody else can share their input........

Have you tried any meds?


----------



## Normalpeople (Oct 27, 2021)

Cuphead said:


> Yes, this is exactly how I feel. Distraction helps and, in general, trying to feel as positive as you can. But even when I switch focus, I still feel overly aware of my surroundings to the point of having panic anxiety.
> 
> I think our feelings are caused by high levels of stress, but I just don't know how to not be uncomfortable by my consciousness anymore. I am afraid I will be stuck here forever
> 
> ...


Well, I visited a psychiatrist a week ago and he prescribed me some light antidepressants but I have taken them only a week now. I am going to visit a psychotherapist but actually I don’t even know how to properly explain this type of condition because it sounds absurd to be fair and crazy, like to be scared of your own existence and to feel unnatural in existence. It’s awful but I hope that we can return to normal. Have you tried meds and how long have you been experiencing this if you want to share of course


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Normalpeople said:


> Well, I visited a psychiatrist a week ago and he prescribed me some light antidepressants but I have taken them only a week now. I am going to visit a psychotherapist but actually I don’t even know how to properly explain this type of condition because it sounds absurd to be fair and crazy, like to be scared of your own existence and to feel unnatural in existence. It’s awful but I hope that we can return to normal. Have you tried meds and how long have you been experiencing this if you want to share of course


Yes, it takes some time for antidepressants to start working. What we have to keep in mind is that this crazy feeling we have is caused by anxiety and it's an intrusive thought. It is super uncomfortable but it won't hurt us. I know it's hard, but we always have to keep in mind that we are fine and that nothing bad will happen. And as it turns out, this condition is much more common than we think, and of course, it's a hallmark of anxiety.

I know how you feel, I feel the same way. We need to learn how to "accept" the thought without fighting it. And get distracted as much as you can, this helps me out the most.

So far, I haven't been on any antidepressants, I am trying to cope with it without medication, but I may ask my psychiatrist to prescribe me something if the symptoms become unbearable.

Do you suffer from anxiety and/or panic attacks? I think this is what triggered my episode of this feeling.

And as for the time frame, I got this sensation about a month ago, but I think it may have been present before as well, but I didn't pay too much attention. Back then I was more afraid of having a panic attack as they became more common. And by focusing on that, I developed this sensation.


----------



## Normalpeople (Oct 27, 2021)

Cuphead said:


> Yes, it takes some time for antidepressants to start working. What we have to keep in mind is that this crazy feeling we have is caused by anxiety and it's an intrusive thought. It is super uncomfortable but it won't hurt us. I know it's hard, but we always have to keep in mind that we are fine and that nothing bad will happen. And as it turns out, this condition is much more common than we think, and of course, it's a hallmark of anxiety.
> 
> I know how you feel, I feel the same way. We need to learn how to "accept" the thought without fighting it. And get distracted as much as you can, this helps me out the most.
> 
> ...


That is good that you try to cope up with it without meds. I also tried but for me this condition was triggered I think because I was experiencing derealization for a couple of years now, however I did not know what it was, the feeling was just strange and unnatural but I didn’t feel comfortable to share with someone because you know, people might think that you are crazy. I had and have at the moment constant existential and different times of thoughts about the nature of existence, reality, but also from a month now about my own existence, hearing, thinking, consciousness and stuff like that to the point when it became unbearable and I even got home because I started studying abroad. However, i always thought that I just had some philosophical thoughts and etc and that I am going to have them forever because I’m that type of person. Who would have thought that they are mainly caused by anxiety and ocd-type of obsessive thoughts. And also at the time I thought that I was the only one, well certainly we all have that type of thoughts going on in our heads. So yeah, basically this is how it started for me a couple of years ago, however up until now it was bearable it was not a big factor for me to stop doing my regular things or go out and have fun with friends, it was just there and it was uncomfortable but it was not that bad. Now it is and I hope that by working on it I can manage it again and even try to eliminate it if possible. And how about you? How it all stared?


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Normalpeople said:


> That is good that you try to cope up with it without meds. I also tried but for me this condition was triggered I think because I was experiencing derealization for a couple of years now, however I did not know what it was, the feeling was just strange and unnatural but I didn’t feel comfortable to share with someone because you know, people might think that you are crazy. I had and have at the moment constant existential and different times of thoughts about the nature of existence, reality, but also from a month now about my own existence, hearing, thinking, consciousness and stuff like that to the point when it became unbearable and I even got home because I started studying abroad. However, i always thought that I just had some philosophical thoughts and etc and that I am going to have them forever because I’m that type of person. Who would have thought that they are mainly caused by anxiety and ocd-type of obsessive thoughts. And also at the time I thought that I was the only one, well certainly we all have that type of thoughts going on in our heads. So yeah, basically this is how it started for me a couple of years ago, however up until now it was bearable it was not a big factor for me to stop doing my regular things or go out and have fun with friends, it was just there and it was uncomfortable but it was not that bad. Now it is and I hope that by working on it I can manage it again and even try to eliminate it if possible. And how about you? How it all stared?


In my case, it is a very similar pattern. I also had these feelings of derealization and I had panic attacks for years. This year, due to the high levels of stress (the pandemic also did its role), I started having panic attacks more often and I started paying attention to them more often, which led to an increased fear of panic attacks, and then it somehow evolved into this feeling where I am just uncomfortable with existing. 

In reality, what happens is - our minds reacted to the thought with anxiety and now we are stuck in a typical OCD loop. And in my case also, I had it for years but I didn't pay too much attention and thus it didn't bother me. Now that the mind got fixated on it, now it is a problem. 

The first thing we have to try is lower our anxiety levels, it will make it easier to "unlearn" this sensation. In reality, it's just the thought giving us these symptoms. We were comfortable with existing before it started and I believe we can at least manage it in a way so that we don't get bothered by it like it used to be in the past as well.

Do you struggle to sleep? Do you feel better when eating? In my case, eating helps. It makes it more bearable.


----------



## Normalpeople (Oct 27, 2021)

Cuphead said:


> In my case, it is a very similar pattern. I also had these feelings of derealization and I had panic attacks for years. This year, due to the high levels of stress (the pandemic also did its role), I started having panic attacks more often and I started paying attention to them more often, which led to an increased fear of panic attacks, and then it somehow evolved into this feeling where I am just uncomfortable with existing.
> 
> In reality, what happens is - our minds reacted to the thought with anxiety and now we are stuck in a typical OCD loop. And in my case also, I had it for years but I didn't pay too much attention and thus it didn't bother me. Now that the mind got fixated on it, now it is a problem.
> 
> ...


Hello again, well I find getting myself to sleep quite hard, however once I fall asleep is good I think. As for the eating, I would say that recently my appetite is kinda weird because of this strange feeling. Actually I don’t really know how to unlearn this feeling. I suppose we have to ignore it for a while in order for it to vanish step by step. However, the thing is that, at least for me, I feel reallyyy stuck in here. I really can’t remember how I used to feel and why I am scared of myself now. It’s really crazy. I fell as if thrid is not going to disappear. It super strange, I try to do normal stuff and to try to hang out with a friend let’s say, but this stupid scary feeling just does not disappear. And how can we be scared of the fact that we are alive? I mean how can we not feel normal in our bodies and etc. It’s super strange indescribable feeling. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but for me, especially last week it’s been 24/7 non stop strange and scary feeling, as if you are not comfortable being alive and in your own body. I don’t know what to do with this


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Normalpeople said:


> Hello again, well I find getting myself to sleep quite hard, however once I fall asleep is good I think. As for the eating, I would say that recently my appetite is kinda weird because of this strange feeling. Actually I don’t really know how to unlearn this feeling. I suppose we have to ignore it for a while in order for it to vanish step by step. However, the thing is that, at least for me, I feel reallyyy stuck in here. I really can’t remember how I used to feel and why I am scared of myself now. It’s really crazy. I fell as if thrid is not going to disappear. It super strange, I try to do normal stuff and to try to hang out with a friend let’s say, but this stupid scary feeling just does not disappear. And how can we be scared of the fact that we are alive? I mean how can we not feel normal in our bodies and etc. It’s super strange indescribable feeling. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but for me, especially last week it’s been 24/7 non stop strange and scary feeling, as if you are not comfortable being alive and in your own body. I don’t know what to do with this


Yes, that is very similar to what I am experiencing (regarding sleep). I can understand, I feel the same way, I am doing my best to "accept" the fact that I am conscious and that I was fine with it before this feeling occurred, and it helps temporarily but I would relapse sooner or later. The obsession is keeping it alive, it lingers on subconsciously as you said, and this makes it hard to overcome. I think we both also developed a fear of that thought, and that also makes us feel uncomfortable about it. I think over time it will get easier, but we need to support each other and do our best to stay positive.

What did your psychiatrist tell you when you told him about this feeling? Mine just said it is a common feeling when dealing with an anxiety disorder. Anxiety itself can change our perception of reality as well and the fact is, we do suffer from anxiety. I know how you feel, I feel the same way, and while lately there are periods when I feel better, I am subconsciously still uncomfortable and I am afraid of these anxiety and panic attacks even though I know they can't hurt me. But this feeling of being stuck is indeed overwhelming.

Hang in there, it helps when you share your feelings with someone else.


----------



## Normalpeople (Oct 27, 2021)

Cuphead said:


> Yes, that is very similar to what I am experiencing (regarding sleep). I can understand, I feel the same way, I am doing my best to "accept" the fact that I am conscious and that I was fine with it before this feeling occurred, and it helps temporarily but I would relapse sooner or later. The obsession is keeping it alive, it lingers on subconsciously as you said, and this makes it hard to overcome. I think we both also developed a fear of that thought, and that also makes us feel uncomfortable about it. I think over time it will get easier, but we need to support each other and do our best to stay positive.
> 
> What did your psychiatrist tell you when you told him about this feeling? Mine just said it is a common feeling when dealing with an anxiety disorder. Anxiety itself can change our perception of reality as well and the fact is, we do suffer from anxiety. I know how you feel, I feel the same way, and while lately there are periods when I feel better, I am subconsciously still uncomfortable and I am afraid of these anxiety and panic attacks even though I know they can't hurt me. But this feeling of being stuck is indeed overwhelming.
> 
> Hang in there, it helps when you share your feelings with someone else.


Yees, I am really happy that we both share this feeling(of course, I’m not happy that you are struggling but you know what I mean haha )
So basically, when I visited the psychiatrist I explained my thoughts the existential one, I believe this is how this feeling started along with so(so thoughts like how I think how I see what is life etc) and he asked me a couple questions to see if there is sth more I suppose, however he told me that do is very specific among people and they are not very familiar with those type of conditions ( he also told me that it is some sort of anxiety but he also wanted me to make different types of brain function tests just so we are calm that it is not sth physically wrong with it (like NMR etc), so they came back normal and my psychiatrist just told me to keep taking the antidepressant for a month. The psychotherapist that I visited yesterday told me that I have OCD, more specific one because of the obsessions related to reality body mind etc but it is still OCD and that I have to work a lot with meditation and I also wanted to start therapy. So yeah basically all of this is because of untreated OCD which I have struggle basically all of my life just in different forms, but recently it got to the point where it is quite unbearable because of our common problem with this sensations. So have you considered starting a therapy maybe if you think your main problem is also OCD or maybe you think ti try on your own? 
Btw if you want we can chat somewhere else because I don’t think there are other people discussing here with us haha but here is fine as well


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Normalpeople said:


> Yees, I am really happy that we both share this feeling(of course, I’m not happy that you are struggling but you know what I mean haha )
> So basically, when I visited the psychiatrist I explained my thoughts the existential one, I believe this is how this feeling started along with so(so thoughts like how I think how I see what is life etc) and he asked me a couple questions to see if there is sth more I suppose, however he told me that do is very specific among people and they are not very familiar with those type of conditions ( he also told me that it is some sort of anxiety but he also wanted me to make different types of brain function tests just so we are calm that it is not sth physically wrong with it (like NMR etc), so they came back normal and my psychiatrist just told me to keep taking the antidepressant for a month. The psychotherapist that I visited yesterday told me that I have OCD, more specific one because of the obsessions related to reality body mind etc but it is still OCD and that I have to work a lot with meditation and I also wanted to start therapy. So yeah basically all of this is because of untreated OCD which I have struggle basically all of my life just in different forms, but recently it got to the point where it is quite unbearable because of our common problem with this sensations. So have you considered starting a therapy maybe if you think your main problem is also OCD or maybe you think ti try on your own?
> Btw if you want we can chat somewhere else because I don’t think there are other people discussing here with us haha but here is fine as well


Yes, I feel the same way. I am sad to read you are going through this, but at least you can rest assured you are not the only one 

My psychiatrist didn't even doubt that there was something physically wrong, he said it is an obvious anxiety disorder with elements of OCD. And this is exactly what both of us are facing. It's the obsession that keeps this feeling going. As you said, before you didn't care about it and it didn't bother you a lot, same thing is the case for me. Subconsciously, both of us are probably scared of an anxiety attack and stuff like that because of this feeling.........that's how it started for me, and basically this guarantees that the thought will keep returning. I think neither of us have DP/DR right now, we probably had it, but now our mind has obsessed with it, and this is why it keeps giving us these uncomfortable sensations. A typical OCD. Once we get to a state where the thought doesn't produce a lot of anxiety, it should fade like it did in the past.

I think in our case, it is hyperawareness OCD. Some people are preoccupied with their heart rate, breathing.......and our obsession is the fact that we exist. As you can see, we are not the only ones.

I also developed hyper-awareness of my own thoughts and feelings. Like when I relax, I feel strange and the mind wants to return to a state of panic. Does it happen for you as well?

I think we need to train ourselves to just stop caring. It takes time, dedication, patience......but that's the best approach. When I feel my anxiety levels are too high, I try to tell myself "relax, you are fine". And it works. It doesn't resolve the issue, but it certainly makes me feel better. And distraction helps, there have been instances when I would "forget" about it. It's a brief moment, but it shows it can be done. And of course, therapy makes everything easier.

My current plan is to try to conquer toon my own, but if it doesn't work out, I will ask my psychiatrist to prescribe an antidepressant for me.

Sure, we can continue our conservation via private messages if you want or some other place........these lines will hopefully help other people who are struggling with the condition, this is what I hope for  They should know they are not alone.


----------



## Normalpeople (Oct 27, 2021)

Cuphead said:


> Yes, I feel the same way. I am sad to read you are going through this, but at least you can rest assured you are not the only one
> 
> My psychiatrist didn't even doubt that there was something physically wrong, he said it is an obvious anxiety disorder with elements of OCD. And this is exactly what both of us are facing. It's the obsession that keeps this feeling going. As you said, before you didn't care about it and it didn't bother you a lot, same thing is the case for me. Subconsciously, both of us are probably scared of an anxiety attack and stuff like that because of this feeling.........that's how it started for me, and basically this guarantees that the thought will keep returning. I think neither of us have DP/DR right now, we probably had it, but now our mind has obsessed with it, and this is why it keeps giving us these uncomfortable sensations. A typical OCD. Once we get to a state where the thought doesn't produce a lot of anxiety, it should fade like it did in the past.
> 
> ...


Hey, so yeah, basically I had this obsession with my own thoughts and feelings as well. But for our hyper awareness with existence is a lot more different and difficult compared to other hyper awareness ocd because we can’t escape our own existence… and when we have those anxiety attacks it’s a lot harder to calm down at least for me. The feeling is like this almost 24/7 for me and at times is extremely overwhelming the point where I start panicking because I exist in this world etc and this is crazy and I know that it is but what can I do. It also affect my mood at times because as u said previously I love my life but it’s sad that I can’t enjoy barely anything because of this thing. Does your mood gets affected too? And also is the origin of your anxiety attacks the same? )


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Normalpeople said:


> Hey, so yeah, basically I had this obsession with my own thoughts and feelings as well. But for our hyper awareness with existence is a lot more different and difficult compared to other hyper awareness ocd because we can’t escape our own existence… and when we have those anxiety attacks it’s a lot harder to calm down at least for me. The feeling is like this almost 24/7 for me and at times is extremely overwhelming the point where I start panicking because I exist in this world etc and this is crazy and I know that it is but what can I do. It also affect my mood at times because as u said previously I love my life but it’s sad that I can’t enjoy barely anything because of this thing. Does your mood gets affected too? And also is the origin of your anxiety attacks the same? )



I agree, it is more difficult. But we have to re-train ourselves to become "comfortable" with the fact we are conscious. At the end of the day, we got this sensation because of anxiety. So, doing our best to relax will make the feeling fade. I can you, the last couple of days, it loses its grip on me, even though it is temporarily. I have the thought in my head still, it is still very uncomfortable, but when I really get involved with something I like, I tend to "forget" about it. It is briefly, but it helps, it needs to be trained.

Just remember, it's the thought itself giving you this sensation (and the same is true in my case). As soon as you start lowering your anxiety levels, you will get a relief, I got it as well now. I am still going through it, but the last couple of days have not been as horrible as the weeks before. You can do the same!

Yes, it affects my mood, sometimes to the point of triggering a full-blown attack......when it gets really uncomfortable, I would feel stuck and helpless. But interestingly enough, when I eat, I feel better. Especially when I eat chocolate (for good reason  ). Definitely, get involved with something you really like, it will help you "break" the cycle. For me, playing video games helps. Also chatting with friends and listening to music. I am not going out at the moment, I am waiting to get my third dose of the COVID vaccine this week (the virus also caused my anxiety to skyrocket), and then I will start going out again. Sitting for too long also boosts anxiety levels 

Based on my experience right now, do the things you like the most, and try not to fight the thought. That's what I am doing at the moment. Let it come to your head but don't fight it. Try to "go with the flow" and it will help you prevent an attack. It worked several times for me already, but I am still having issues at night when going to sleep and when I wake up....my anxiety levels are still high, that's why. We need patience and dedication. It didn't develop overnight, it won't go away overnight. But our minds are not broken, we can at least reach the stage where we still have the thought but it doesn't bother us. Like we used to think in the past.


----------



## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

I really do know what you're talking about. I can relate 100%. I had it very bad during benzo withdrawal. It's like the panic heat is coming from your chest when realize "I'm alive", feel stuck in this world, right?
This WILL pass over time, I promise!!!


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

MusicaElectronica said:


> I really do know what you're talking about. I can relate 100%. I had it very bad during benzo withdrawal. It's like the panic heat is coming from your chest when realize "I'm alive", feel stuck in this world, right?
> This WILL pass over time, I promise!!!


Thank you so much for your message, it gives me hope I will get better. 

It is exactly that. It is like you are "overwhelmed" by the idea of existing and you feel stuck and you want to run away. Then panic and anxiety builds up and they keep on lingering for hours. Funny enough, I had this sensation before as well, it would pop up here and there, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention and it didn't bother me a lot. But then, at one point I started obsessing over it, and it became "omnipresent", it was on my mind 24/7 and I would be uncomfortable with existing all the time. Such a scary feeling.

Right now I am better than I used to be. It didn't go away but distraction helps and it is "bearable". How long did it last in your case and do you still have the thought popping up in your head?


----------



## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

Cuphead said:


> Thank you so much for your message, it gives me hope I will get better.
> 
> It is exactly that. It is like you are "overwhelmed" by the idea of existing and you feel stuck and you want to run away. Then panic and anxiety builds up and they keep on lingering for hours. Funny enough, I had this sensation before as well, it would pop up here and there, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention and it didn't bother me a lot. But then, at one point I started obsessing over it, and it became "omnipresent", it was on my mind 24/7 and I would be uncomfortable with existing all the time. Such a scary feeling.
> 
> Right now I am better than I used to be. It didn't go away but distraction helps and it is "bearable". How long did it last in your case and do you still have the thought popping up in your head?



Many thanks for your reply,
Yes that overwhelmed and "uncomfortable with existing" feeling I know very well. It's like being scared of life and death at the same time. This is coming from anxiety - dp/dr and once again : It will pass with time.

For me it was a extreme anxiety from coming off benzodiazepines, and I had this many months, Today those thoughts and feelings has passed.

I've heard of many experienced this, and my advice is to keep distracted and remember that this is not permanent.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

MusicaElectronica said:


> Many thanks for your reply,
> Yes that overwhelmed and "uncomfortable with existing" feeling I know very well. It's like being scared of life and death at the same time. This is coming from anxiety - dp/dr and once again : It will pass with time.
> 
> For me it was a extreme anxiety from coming off benzodiazepines, and I had this many months, Today those thoughts and feelings has passed.
> ...


Thank you so much, it really means a lot. I am glad you overcame this feeling.

Exactly, being afraid of life and death at the same time is a perfect description.

I realized I had this feeling for a while (years even), but it wasn't "constant", it would come and go and it didn't bother me a lot. But ever since my mind obsessed about it, it became an issue. And even when I manage to relax, my mind would still think about it, triggering this overwhelming sensation. I think it is the thought/obsession that keeps it going.

But I do have moments when I would feel better and even when I would "forget" about it (when I get really distracted). It is super helpful to know it is not permanent, I will keep working on lowering my anxiety levels, and hopefully, it will fade even further over time. 

Thank you so much for your words, I am glad I am not alone, and you surely made me feel better.


----------



## Normalpeople (Oct 27, 2021)

Cuphead said:


> I agree, it is more difficult. But we have to re-train ourselves to become "comfortable" with the fact we are conscious. At the end of the day, we got this sensation because of anxiety. So, doing our best to relax will make the feeling fade. I can you, the last couple of days, it loses its grip on me, even though it is temporarily. I have the thought in my head still, it is still very uncomfortable, but when I really get involved with something I like, I tend to "forget" about it. It is briefly, but it helps, it needs to be trained.
> 
> Just remember, it's the thought itself giving you this sensation (and the same is true in my case). As soon as you start lowering your anxiety levels, you will get a relief, I got it as well now. I am still going through it, but the last couple of days have not been as horrible as the weeks before. You can do the same!
> 
> ...


Hello, how are you since we have last discussed it? I wanted to ask you and the others here, do you guys have the fear of going crazy? I think most of the people experiencing dpdr do, but I mean like mine is like more constant recently because of all those constant existential questions regarding, what is existence, how we see how we hear, how we think what is consciousness etc. I feel so overwhelmed with all those questions that I think I’m gonna lose my mind. It is extremely scary and unpleasant. I feel like because of throes ocd type questions everyday actions and human body processes seem unnatural as well as we talked about the our own existence thing. Do you have those questions as well very very often? And my fear is that I will eventually lose touch with myself and will forget how to do things etc or that I won’t find anything meaningful because of those constant questions regarding every single thing.


----------



## Cuphead (Oct 21, 2021)

Normalpeople said:


> Hello, how are you since we have last discussed it? I wanted to ask you and the others here, do you guys have the fear of going crazy? I think most of the people experiencing dpdr do, but I mean like mine is like more constant recently because of all those constant existential questions regarding, what is existence, how we see how we hear, how we think what is consciousness etc. I feel so overwhelmed with all those questions that I think I’m gonna lose my mind. It is extremely scary and unpleasant. I feel like because of throes ocd type questions everyday actions and human body processes seem unnatural as well as we talked about the our own existence thing. Do you have those questions as well very very often? And my fear is that I will eventually lose touch with myself and will forget how to do things etc or that I won’t find anything meaningful because of those constant questions regarding every single thing.



Hello, I am better, but I still have "bad" moments. It is better than it used to be, but I still have moments where I am "overwhelmed" and anxiety is still high but better than it used to be. I am not losing hope, though, there have been moments where I felt like I overcame it and moments where I "forgot" about it, so it can be done, it just needs time. We need to focus on relaxation and distraction, we need to strike the beast at its core - and that is anxiety itself. As MusicaElectronica said, this is not a permanent state, we can return to our previous selves. His messages have given me additional hope.

I don't fear going crazy, it won't happen, that's for sure.........it's just that "uncomfortable overwhelming" feeling of existence that gives me problems. And that is because of high anxiety. You won't lose touch with yourself, don't worry.


----------



## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I've had the feeling of being afraid to be alive. Only those who are alive need fear death.. Aye, there's the rub!


----------

