# Hello, I feel slightly better already.



## Malory (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi, I've been suffering with Derealization for 16 years so far, since I was 19. I can remember the exact time I first felt it, I was terrified. I thought I must have a brain tumour or something so I went to the doctor who actually told me I was suffering from Derealization and gave me some tablets that I think were placebos, because they didn't do anything at all.

When I went back to see my doctor I discovered that he had retired and my new doctor said, after reading the old doctor's notes, that he'd never heard of Derealization and that my old doctor had probably just made it up because he didn't know what was wrong with me. I believed him, right up until today actually.

I've spent years wondering if anyone else felt like this, thinking that there must be other people in the world feeling like me, there just must be.

I've tried to explain it to doctors but they/I get confused with the explaining, especially when I was younger trying to say it's like being dizzy, only I don't feel dizzy. If I'd known what it was like to take LSD at the time I would have said it feels like I'm tripping all the time.

I?ve had a few different doctors that I?ve got absolutely nowhere with, going around and around in circles as they make decisions based on the notes of my last doctor, who didn?t have a clue either.

I wrote this after my last visit to a doctor, I was so disappointed; I?ve put an emphasis on the dizziness but there isn?t really any actual dizziness in a physical sense, but I was thinking I might give it to my doctor the next time I see one so that I can get a scan to make myself feel more assured:



> I?ve had this physical problem with my head for over 16 years now, at best I feel spaced and disoriented and at worst I feel dizzy and get headaches. I first went to see a doctor about it when I was 19, he didn?t know what was wrong with me and sent me on my way with some placebos (found this out later). I figured that maybe it was a temporary thing, perhaps something that some teenagers go through, but it kept being the same year after year ? dizziness, disorientation, and generally feeling spaced out all the time. I?ve been going to see a GP about once every three years (all different doctors as I?ve moved house a few times), hoping that just maybe one of them will know what I?m talking about and make positive suggestions. The only thing is every one of them after the first has based his or her diagnosis on what the previous doctor has written in my notes, nothing ever happens, nothing changes ? all they ever do is talk to me for a few minutes and tell me that there?s probably nothing wrong with me if I?ve been feeling this way for so long, 3 years, 6 years, 9 years, 12 years and now 16 years, they all say the same thing and do the same thing, absolutely nothing!
> I recently changed my doctor to the one next door to where I live and thought I may as well give him a try, it?s been a few years after all so they might be able to help ? also I?ve been getting tinnitus, worse headaches and more extreme dizziness this year so I thought I might be taken more seriously. Anyway, my new doctor spends a few minutes looking through my notes, speaks to me for two minutes, then, surprise surprise, says that he doesn?t think there is anything wrong with me. I even plead with him that surly that fact that I?m sitting there telling him there is something wrong with me must count for something, to which he just shrugs and refers back to the notes like all the other doctors have. So I say what about the tinnitus then, that?s a new thing that?s not in the notes? So he concedes to arranging an appointment at the Ear, Nose and Throat department for me to have my ears checked out.


Anyway, I guess that?s way too much for an introduction; but I?m so glad this site exists, if only because I no longer have to wonder.


----------



## TotallyPhazed (Nov 25, 2005)

Hi

I can relate to everything you have written. I also have only recently realized I'm not alone with these strange sensations. I have slight ringing in my ears continually and have the sense of being really spaced out . It's always difficult to describe.

I sent my partner on a seminar this weekend re depersonalisation and it was a revelation; it's actually very common but people often don't discuss it for fear of being judged as being mad. It seems to have it's route in trauma, either a significant event or ongoing emotional trauma, also recreational drug use. This would explain why my symptoms are so similar to those of being in a state of shock. Research at the Maudsley has also proven that the sensations are not biological, they are behavioural, the natural state of shock and its sensations has been associated to everyday interactions and thats whats wrong.

I felt much less isolated very recently just through gaining more knowledge, I guess the next stage will be learning new behaviour. It's a shame that GP's don't have more up to date knowledge, it could save people from so much suffering.


----------



## Malory (Nov 27, 2005)

Thanks for replying. I do actually feel a little different just knowing other people are like this. I think 'a state of shock' sort of describes my feeling too; it's like always being in that shock-like state where nothing seems real, only there is nothing to be shocked about.

I have recently undertaken hypnotherapy and some things have come up that may be relevant to this. My next session is on Thursday so I'm going to print out the front page from this site to show my therapist (and my doctor tomorrow) and just say, 'read this, it explains how I feel all the time more clearly than I could. '


----------



## Malory (Nov 27, 2005)

I just realised there's a whole section of my GP experience that I missed off above, it should continue:



> So today was my appointment at the hospital after a two-month wait, but hey I?ve been waiting 16 years for something concrete and physical to happen. I got my ears checked out and they are fine as far as my hearing goes; the doctor assures me that my tinnitus is just something that happens and that I can live with it, nothing bad is going to happen, which is all fine and good I suppose ? but I don?t really care about the tinnitus, I say, it?s the headaches and dizziness that are bothering me, the tinnitus is just a bonus. He said that he was sure that I was fine but he could see that I was very disappointed, it wasn?t his fault so I explained to him that I?ve had related problems since I was 19, I?m now 35, and nobody ever does anything, they just talk to me and send me on my way; I resign myself to the fact that nothing is going to happen right now and try again in a few years, it?s a never-ending pattern of nothing happening and me getting sick of feeling spaced, dizzy, disoriented and now suffering from tinnitus and headaches too.
> 
> So at last something happens, he says I can have a scan to see if there is a problem ? for the first time in 16 years someone is actually arranging for an actual physical look at me, they?re actually going to do something! He looked in a draw to find the right form to fill in and couldn?t find one, so he tells me to wait a while and I just sit there grinning, thinking how great it is that something might actually be done for me? But wait, while he went to find the form he had a talk with another doctor who reckoned that having a scan would be a bad thing for me, that if they did find something small it would freak me out or something. He came back and told me this, told me that they?d decided I shouldn?t have a scan after all ? only minutes after I?d been told absolutely that I could! I couldn?t believe it, I?d gone from feeling the most positive about my symptoms I?ve ever been, to been fully miserable about them in the space of 5 minutes. The guy he spoke to didn?t even come and see me, didn?t speak to me at all! It?s a new low in my journey to find a doctor that will listen to me and help me.
> 
> All I can do is try again in another three or four years now. I?ve often read about these people that get totally let down by their doctors and turn to alternative medicine, but I?ve always thought there was a conventional treatment for me if only just one doctor, just one of them would listen to me and help me out. I don?t know how much alternative medicine could help me with this, but I?m seriously considering it now as it feel like I keep coming up against a brick wall with conventional GPs.


----------



## Guest (Nov 28, 2005)

If you can find some literature that says you could/should have a scan - from the web, like NODID, or somewhere else, you could take that to the same doctor and insist that you have one.
I don't want one, but if I did, I would persist with the same doctor. With dp it's hard to verbalize your thoughts well so it's easy for others to dismiss you (I find).


----------



## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

TotallyPhazed said:


> I also have only recently realized I'm not alone with these strange sensations. I have slight ringing in my ears continually and have the sense of being really spaced out . It's always difficult to describe.
> 
> .


that is tinnitus. i've got it too and when my dr is acting up, i hate it! i focus on it so much. google "tinnitus" for more info on the disease.


----------



## Malory (Nov 27, 2005)

Yeah it was the tinnitus angle I had to use to get myself a hospital appointment, which turned out to be fruitless in the end. I'm going to see my doctor again tomorrow and give him a printout of what I wrote about my doctor experiences, including himself, and demand I have a scan. Though when I actually go for the scan I'll probably be freaking out because of the DRness of it all, but I'll go ahead and do it anyway for my own peace of mind.


----------

