# Existential OCD, solipsism, anxiety



## Speedy88 (Jul 23, 2013)

I'm pretty sure you guys have but just wondering have any of u experienced existential OCD or solipsism? I no this go around with DP...existential OCD has been brutal to me. My first time in a anxiety cycle I learned wat DP was an it was bad especially in the beginning. I overcame it all an lived life again. This time when DP strted entering in I had a day of existential thoughts an I should have stopped right there but I didn't. Instead I focused on these thoughts studying them from every angle button myself more. I can't say anxiety is a complete waste thanks to it whatever I set my mind to I achieve. Whether it was teaching myself to play just about every instrument or being the best MMA fighter I can b, it has its advantages when it comes to bodybuilding an so many more things I have achieved. It allows me to b both the teacher an student an allowed me to obsess over things I wanted to achieve but when anxiety grabs hold of things like existential thoughts....mixed with DP it can b horrible. So does everyone with DP develop existential OCD?


----------



## Hosscat (Oct 23, 2012)

I think youll find that's pretty common actually.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

But u look too hot to have DP lol


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Can I just ask ... Are you trying to be perfect? That really fuels DP...u wil get OCD first, then anxiety always trying to be perfect and please everyone etc


----------



## Erik197834 (Jul 5, 2013)

Well I do not think you are hot Speedy88, but I think we both agree that Missjess is hot.  
I am also battling existential ocd, same as yours. I myself have ocd, I am still not sure if
I have dp/dr, although it sure seems to fit. My ocd themes have changed quite a bit and
I think that I have now found the biggest doubt there is. So yes I certainly feel that a lot of
people with ocd and/or dp wil eventually reach this train of thought. 
But we are not alone, non sufferers also have these thoughts. I just regret the day I started
Googling.
Cheers, Erik


----------



## Speedy88 (Jul 23, 2013)

Lol well thank u miss Jess but no I don't try to b perfect. I never been a cocky high self esteem person. I was super shy until I hit 23 then broke loose of most of it. Being shy is wat introduced me to panic attacks but I got to a point where I could control them an they wouldn't bother me. 2 yrs ago I was living life up. Work from 5a.m to 2 p.m go straight home an train in weights an MMA. Then I'd play music then hang with friends til midnight or later. On weekend it was partying til 5.am. Did this for 5 months straight wit very lil sleep an bam! One day I had a panic attack an fret I worried about it for so long idk why because I contolled them for so long an I ended up getting DP which led to depression wich led to more anxiety wich led to intrusive thoughts. If I would hav just moved on from it I wouldn't have lived 10 months with it. I got better an lived greatly for 2 yrs. I strted repeating the old process of getting little sleep wit to much physical stress an had a panic attack. Basically I repeated the process. This go around its not as bad. I'm just about cured its just small DP an those existential thoughts. It's like they r always there. I didn't have those thoughts as bad my first go around.


----------



## Speedy88 (Jul 23, 2013)

If I could go back in time I'd punch me in the face an say DON'T WORRY!!! THE PANIC ATTACK WILL NOT KILL U. then I'd slap the iPod out of my hand an stomp on it so I wouldn't google anything. Anxiety + google = bad combo!


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Ur welcome  I just noticed ur from Britney spears home town haha she used to be my idol

Hmmm do u know what is causing ur panic attacks? Do u have any hidden emotions like shame, hurt or anger? 
Usually the panic attacks are repressed emotions wanting to come to the surface for resolution.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

P.s you got no reason to be shy


----------



## Wisdom & Compassion (Sep 1, 2014)

Hey all! Yes, I clearly remember how nearly 30 years ago (December 10, 1984), I became overwhelmed with this same obsessive preoccupation of "not existing", "is everything 'real or not?'" and the actual feelings like I was moving in a surreal, even unreal dream and fog. No matter how hard I tried, or how desperately I wanted it to stop-it got worse. It was like I was locked inside my own mind with no way out-and I was terrified I was really going crazy-I was panicking.

I left college in a panic, even left my belongings and spent years thereafter obsessing and self preoccupied. My battle with this demon then stole 12 years of my life.

So, first,you're not going crazy, and you're not "losing your mind" or going "schizophrenic"- you are experiencing what I experience from time to time: Existential-type OCD.

Dr. Claire Weeks was the first person to write anything really useful about how to cope with those obsessive preoccupations, unreal feelings, and the constant mind "churning". The wisdom and compassion in her books "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" and "Peace From Nervous Suffering" laid out the timeless principles and basic practices that still ring true to this day in beating OCD!

We've come a long way in the effective treatment of this disorder, but even the cutting edge treatments of "Mindfulness," "Response Prevention Training" and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy all echo the same timeless principles, that have actually been around for over 2 millenia-so, what are these powerful principles and how do they work to help an obsessed, tired, brooding mind, buffeted by scary and bewildering sensations and visions, to relax and learn to "let go"?

Here are the keys:

First-Acceptance, relaxing and moving towards uncomfortable thoughts and sensations rather than trying to distract, or tense up and trying to "force"the thoughts out of your overworked mind. Gradually learning how to be ok with "uncomfortable," "just not certain" , "not sure" and "don't know". Learning how to "turn on" the approach circuitry of the brain, and "turn off" the aversion, rejection "I don't want this!" circuitry.

Second-Learning how, deep in your bones until it's second nature, to fluidly detach your natural awareness and mindfully, lightly observe the chattering, 'philosophical' analyzing mind and gradually begin to see all thoughts for what they really are: mysterious, ephemeral, continually arising mind events, nothing more-mirages that arise from the silence of mind and then disappear back into the same silence one after another after another. Getting, deep down, with repeated, consistent practice, that we don't have to believe, nor even follow our thoughts, as relentless as they can be, unless we want to.

Third, practicing not changing your life around to lessen or get away from the anxiety. And then allowing the anxiety, uncomfortableness, dread and so on to be there. i call this "learning how to sit in the fire." The healing lies in moving closer to, not further away from what's hijacking and preoccupying your attention. Moving closer to what disgusts, alarms, reviles and freaks you out. Not isolating, not ruminating, not researching, not trying to "get to the final answer" or "solve it once and for all". These are all the mind's attempts at lessening the anxiety and discomfort-the very rumination, brooding and "trying to solve it" are all part of the problem, not the solution. In fact, rumination and problem solving are what even further separates us from everything around and in us, further locking us up in our own cocoon of self-preoccupation and rumination.

Learning how to spot your own avoidance behaviors that you use to lessen tension and anxiety, and purposely not doing the habitual thing. Over and over and over again. It's not a one shot deal (wouldn't that be great if it were?! : ) It's how you "re-teach" yourself that these thoughts are "no big deal."

And finally cultivating calm clarity of mind and light, steady precision to see through the illusion of all the "mental masturbation"- to be able to slow down, on command, and evaluate individual thoughts to see how they really are exaggerations, cognitive distortions loaded with emotional charge, bias and inaccuracy, and just not true. They feel real; they feel very important, but they are not. They are tricks your brain is playing on you. You just don't need to answer those existential questions-they are unsolvable koans that steal your life away from you.

How do you begin this kind of training to free yourself? It's not easy, and it's not quick (wouldn't that be great if it was?), but steady practice provides real relief and gives you back your own mind.

First, start with an SSRI antidepressant good for OCD and cognitive inflexibility such as prozac or a tricyclic like anafranil (and an occasional benzodiazepine if you're really terrified and overwhelmed) to calm your brain enough to be able to learn mindfulness skills, and begin Response Prevention, or CBT.

OCD is a brain-based malfunction of the basal ganglia, amygdala and caudate nucleus-a new way of thinking and working with the obsessions and feelings can eventually calm these structures-but initially you'll need some leverage-some "training wheels" because you haven't developed the appropriate skill set yet. Visit your GP or a psychiatrist. They'll hook you up to get you started. Later, after you have the real skills, back off on the medicine (a good 1-2 years).

Next, get Dr Jon Kabat-Zinn's book titled "The Mindful way through Depression" and start to learn about how to switch on the "Being" mode of mind, vs "Doing-Problem Solving" mode of mind.

Practice tracks 3,4 and 5 on the accompanying CD at least (2) times every day to help you start to get the hang of disengaging from the obsessive mind, and also how to eventually "invite in" even stormy, highly charged states of mind.

The mindfulness practice will also help you to begin to see through these and other distressing states of mind and allow you to see more and more clearly how some thoughts are absolute distortions. Fantasies. Constructs and imaginings. Other negative or uncomfortable states of mind are merely part of the mind's "rich pageant" of the full spectrum of moment to moment changing thought/mind states-we can always count on them to evaporate and dissolve-if we can learn to get ourselves out of the way.

You need to let go of your own trains of thought in the mindfulness practices (the book will coach you on how to 'let go') tens and hundreds of thousands of times to really get that thoughts don't have the power we believe them to. They're not even "us"! They are passing events in the field of our awareness-neither good nor bad. Just there. Some can "hook" us pretty fast, but with practice we learn to let even the most distressing, pressing, urgent ones go too.

As you get the knack of this mindfulness practice, you will gradually experience deeper and deeper moments of peace, stillness and clarity. You will also develop the knack of "just letting things be as they are" without any resistance on your part and you'll learn that the key to dissolving OCD preoccupations with existential questions (or any other object the mind latches onto), and dissolving any other negative mind state is to paradoxically "not try to get anywhere else" or "make the obsessions go away" or "block them out."

We learn, at a deep level, to "lay out the welcome mat" for them, as well as for any other feelings we may be having and we begin to actually get curious about them and even explore them. We learn to separate the overwhelming clusters of thought streams, images, feelings, memories, fear sensations and so on and just "watch" them arise and spend themselves out moment by moment. We learn to just get out of the mind's way and, like a glass of muddy water left alone-the mind relaxes and calms down of its own accord.

Get really good at practicing Kabat-Zinn's "3 minute Breathing Space" throughout the day. This gives you a "quick n dirty" kitchen-sink tool that you can use anywhere, anytime to work with and dissolve problem mind states and obsessive thoughts, and uncomfortable feelings.

Get an experienced cognitive behavioral/mindfulness trained therapist or psychologist (check credentials and training certificates carefully because lots like to say they "do CBT" and "Mindfulness" but are largely clueless) to get you started on mindfulness tools, and systematized Response Prevention, and also give you support-it's really hard to do this all on your own, and there are many pitfalls, traps and distractions in the realms of the mind that can lead you off course, stall you and waste valuable time.

You'll have some setbacks (everyone does!) and if you don't have support to help you handle them well, you can easily get stuck or discouraged.

Most of all, remember this: there absolutely is a way out of your mental prison-it takes real practice, with tried and tested methods. It takes patience, and gentleness, and perserverence and the willingness to believe that there is more right with you than there is wrong-and the willingness to change how you think and what you do- you already have inside you all you need to get through this-you have deep wellsprings of calm, clarity, and wisdom that you can learn how to bring to bear on this-that can drain the power out of the obsessions.

Now, go out and learn to greet and work with your demons, invite them in, look them square in the eye, a peek at a time if necessary-and then befriend, "accept and love them" to death!

-May all who suffer with the heaviness of obsessions be free!


----------

