# Feel like I'm trapped in this life?



## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

Hi everyone. I've been dealing with this awful feeling nonstop for weeks now.

I feel like every day, I'm trapped in my body, and trapped in this world that I shouldn't be in. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life, and I don't really "belong" here.

But then, I look back on it and I get panic attacks because I feel so trapped, and I start panicking because I SHOULDN'T feel this way!! I'm human, and it feels like everything I knew was all a lie, and there is no point to continuing on with my life because it is all fake and I shouldn't be here.

It's a real mindfuck because anything I think about that I've done, everything I see, hear, smell, touch, I get this feeling of "that is inside your life." and I freak out because life isn't real and doesn't matter.

I get really anxious because I think "tomorrow I'll feel this way" and I feel even more trapped.

I can't run away from myself, and I feel overly conscious about my existence.

It only goes away when I'm distracted, which is rarely, and then it comes back with a vengeance.

Does anyone else feel this way? Thanks!


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## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

Also, when I snap out of this feeling, I'm only met with an overwhelming feeling of dread because I realize how alive I really am, and I feel way to conscious of my existence.


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## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

I just don't know what my underlying trauma is... I'm only 15 years old. And the thing is, I feel normal when I'm distracted. For instance, I just watched a movie and after it ended, I felt normal. But after I am distracted, I realize that it's just my anxiety. But no matter how good I feel (I went a week managing my stress fine... Telling myself that it's all in my head) I ALWAYS come crashing down again. It's like my mind has two different personalities, one part stuck in the DP, anxiety, and negative world, and one normal side.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

i feel exactly the same as u have described as u know. i guess the only thing we can do is believe that dp is doing this. that part about ''that is inside ur life'' i think i know exactly what u mean...

Can u describe that part more...

My main thing is thinking i was born here in this situation so i dont know any different. That terrifies me cause i think i could have learned things differently. why do i know things the way i know them. etc. im also terrified of this particular reality and having a life at all. getting old. death etc. why i am here at all in any life is frightening to me. I jsut wanna know that my mind is just playing tricks on me and that i could feel normal again.


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## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

It is definitely our minds playing tricks on us. Beneath all of this crazy DP and anxiety, there is a normal brain. It wasn't replaced with an alien brain and we weren't born different than everyone else. It's just DP.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

nicely put. i will keep reminding myself of this..


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## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

Katej -(and everyone who has problems with weird thoughts)-

So now that you know this, go through the day telling yourself that you have nothing to worry about whenever you have a weird thought. Do this every day, and we'll see results together  I did this today - I felt fine all morning and around noontime I was like "wait, life is weird! I need to be worrying about this! I can't relax!" - But I have nothing wrong with me, and I've been living normally my whole life before these few months before the weird thoughts started. Not worrying about it didn't cause me to explode or disappear... So why worry? There's nothing wrong, that's a fact. Because when you get down to it, the only thing that was bothering you, was your own thoughts to begin with  Same for me.

Have an amazing evening. And relax!! You all, we all deserve it.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

to me its not just thoughts. its more of a feeling, like being cut off from my own experience. and cannot think straight at all. its horrible


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## SantosB (Jun 4, 2014)

It seems to me there is a special kind of memory, one linked with our PERSONAL experiences about things we see, touch,.... We, when are ok, always take into account the following aspects each time we interact with the real world:

1. Is it the first time?, when was the last *time *we saw, touched, ...felt that thing? How long should be in time?

2. *Where *are we now? Spacial info. Living room, office, street,...

3. Am I alone?, what would my *relatives and friends *say about that?, Is it good for me?, am i allow to use it?

4. Do I *like *it?, what will be the impact when others see I have this object?

5. Is it heavy or light? What would it happen to me if I hit it? Is it dangerous for me?

.. etc...

No philosophical questions, please.

There are several and dangerous thoughts that put everyone in trouble, specially in DP/DR people

Who am I? (there is no need to watch the mirror)

Why do I exist? What is the meaning of my life?

What does the time means?

What the real world is?

etc..

STOP doing that questions, ..., a dog, a little child, a tree simply feels, moves, grows, ..., they don't have DP/DR disorders.

THINK CONSCIOUSLLY ABOUT PLACES YOU HAVE BEEN, COLOURS, DIMENSIONS, WEIGHTS, FAVOURITE GAMES AND OBJECTS YOU ENJOYED,... AND COMPARE WITH CURRENT TIME.

Forcing yourself on thinking in that way will recover that special kind of memory every being should have. The memory related with ME with the EGO.

Something happened (trauma, stress, or whatever) that made our brain had nor taken into account the info related with our ME.

So there are many people with dp/dr that express that they have lost the reference, they are lost, the live has no meaning, all seems the same, uniform, nothing shines more than anything, ... however we are aware of that feeling. The rest of the brain works perfectly.

CONNECT WITH YOUR FORMER LIFE!! , you are the same person, before and now. Do you solve the reason that brought you into a dp/dr state?

Good luck!!


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## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

I totally agree. The thing is, even though I know it's rubbish, I feel like I.... Can't. I feel like that now I've had DP, there is something missing from my life now that I can't get back. I feel almost TOO alive. And I feel trapped because I know that I'll always feel like something is missing. It's not like I feel too conscious now... It's just.. I feel pointless and empty. I feel fine when I'm distracted, but is that all that I am living for? Just to be distracted from this empty feeling of dread?

I'm improving.. My mindset is in the right place for improving... I guess it will just take time. (Sorry for the philosophical question)


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

i agree with u 59 and i also felt what u feel. thats not the way i feel now tho. all i can tell u is that in the past when i recovered daily life just went back to normal. u feel empty because u are observing., But when ur back lost in life in the game that emptiness goes. trust me.

The way i feel now i will try to describe although to put it into words is a struggle.

I feel completely outside of my whole life and almost outside of my brain. Like im aware that IM aware i could have not been here, but my brain is not cause my brain only knows here . So its like im outside of my whole life. but my knowledge is only based on this place and what i have learned here. but the ME is outside of it all knowing i could have not been and is not really here experiencing it. Very very hard to expain. but it makes me seperate from my being. Hope this is all dp playing tricks on me !

Also thinking bout why things are the way that they are. like why was i born into THIS world where theres male and female and people die etc. How come here. I dont want the answers. i just wanna stop questioning and things to feel like they once did. I guess at the end of the day these are all thoughts. and i must be still in there somewhere cause im aware that the way im feeling is wrong.


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## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

old thread but,
I'm feeling exactly this way

how are you guys feeling today?


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## Johqnnq (Mar 14, 2018)

Feeling trapped. I think that when something bad first hits and we start to ruminate it and change it it just get worse. And then when time passes and even when we could have been had opportunity to recover somehow we just miss it because we feel to helpless or something.. This has happened to me many times. And again and again. Things never go how they were tree years ago. When i first time got broken.. I think im even more broken now. My memory is gone. I can only try to do something which i feel is not really even my life...
Does someone feel like this too? Like things have just getting worse instead good. And never getting to place where im feeling again like living and all wories gone. Like young and free human. I just feel i never gonna feel like i exist anymore. This feels infinite hell


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## Respekta (Feb 14, 2019)

hey feeling the same.. hope it won´t last long.. it´s a weird feeling. I had "it" for 1 day like 2 months ago but now because of being isolated my brain goes kinda weird again and I hope it stops.. Can anyone relate ?


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