# Coping with DP/DR and working towards recovery



## Jodie (Oct 14, 2014)

***Quite a long post my bad***

DP/DR is so deeply disturbing, that during an episode it is very difficult to imagine being recovered, let alone believe it and trust in it... it is debilitating and almost impossible to continue with life the same, when these feelings exist.

BUT

There are moments when DP/DR is a lot more manageable than when it is at it's worst, I tell myself many times during the day that i do keep waking up everyday i am not going to disintegrate & the world will not end.

I can't explain very well in what ways it has gotten better, but i know that slowly but surely things have started to put themselves back together.. not in the normal expected way.. it comes along with severe relapses... which vary a lot but revolve a lot around existential crisis symptoms, which can make me very anxious and give me a butterfly feeling in my stomach, until i remember how far i have come since the first couple of weeks and i soldier on! I like to focus on the positive moments i have had during this experience and just go from there, but it doesn't stop me wallowing in the DP/DR symptoms for a little while when they come, as it is very difficult to ignore.

Having a girlfriend is one of the most helpful parts of dealing and working towards recovery with DP, or having someone you can talk to without judgement, who will rationalise your thoughts and loves me no matter what condition i am in thankfully.

I have stopped talking to my parents as i personally think they don't need this shit, and that's just my decision at this time to kinda go at this alone without their input and just try my hardest, as i can see it worries them.

I quit work for a month when i first got DP, and i am still only in week 7 of this nightmare.. but i made the conscious decision to go back to work once my panic attacks subsided and i realised that no matter what i do, i still feel estranged from myself and from others.

I'm hoping that making money every month, and having at least some form of purpose will be another contributing factor into my recovery.

Other things i have done to try and help my body beat this is stopped smoking weed (i stopped on day 1 of all of this), Stopped drinking all caffeinated drinks which i was very addicted to before this... I have started to consciously eat a little healthier by consuming a lot more fruit and vegetables, getting a good sleep every night and napping in the day if i feel tired, i'd like to say i have started to exercise but i haven't... i started a project working on my mountain bike just before i got DP but the weather has been so shitty in the UK i've not finished spraying it yet.

I also take multi vitamins and hormone balance oils (primrose oil, cod liver oil) every day or every couple of days, eat regularly and try and be involved in reality as much as possible (meaning not watching too much TV or playing too much PS3 as i found sometimes this really worsens my symptoms as a kind of double reality fuck up) especially playing the sims, its like i can't handle my life, so why am i playing with other lives within my life? haha fucked.

hmmm what more to say.. yeah it's week 7, and my earlier obsessions have started to leave such as being horrified at the thought that I am a human being in general, which was worsened with my obsession about my vision... I managed to stop the vision obsession by just telling myself one day that THIS IS REALITY, my vision is normal and the way it has always been (even though i wasn't sure if it was) and slowly after that the obsession has left me and i have rarely thought about it in the last week. That has been replaced unfortunately with a lot more DR in my day to day life... that originally was 5% DR and 95% DP for me, now i would say its 50/50.. and along with this comes lots of existential thoughts about the planet and our day to day lives and world that we live in.

Unfortunately 90% of the time i still don't recognise myself in the mirror, but again i just let this happen and accept it, and i do feel a lot better if i make an effort with my appearance (fake tan, doing my eyebrows making myself look nice with makeup)

Needless to say i am very glad that i get a chance to get better everyday as i wake up, i live on as they say... and the probability is that one day this will all be a very bad memory, no matter how long it takes i'm in it for the long haul as i am still alive 

When i have a bad day, i just take faith in tomorrow and the possibility of a better one.. but sometimes i get very bad suicidal thoughts, as if my only option is to die, not had one of those for a couple days.

DP/DR = Complete and utter brain fuck.

Peace from the UK and i will continue to post updates!!

Jodie x


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## SteveCarr (Nov 9, 2014)

Hey Jodie, stay strong.

Believe me when i say this, i know. i know exactly the phase and position/situation you are in.
I too quit my job, Im almost 5 months in.

I have had those horrid suicide thoughts as well, who hasn't in this position, right?

One thing i like to remind myself of is that my will to live will always be stronger than the thoughts could ever be.
What stops you from going through with those thoughts is your will to live, its hardwired into you, deeper than you could ever imagine.

I sometimes sit and think in between bouts of intensity about how i am living right now even though sometime it doesn't feel like it, but i am.

btw, the mirror thing is absolutely terrifying, especially when you look at yourself and me especially in my head almost waiting for something to move or my face to morph into a skeletons face, its absolutely scary as hell. But it never does, thank god.
Its almost like your on the brink of hallucinating 24/7.

Remember Jodie, the will to live.


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