# almost there



## shockwave6034 (Jul 26, 2008)

I cant express how i got so much better, i went from almost committing suicide to back 
to my old self again. For anybody who doesnt think you cant get out of this, dont believe it.
Trust me when i tell you just have too stop thinking about it and live your life. I got dp about 
5 months ago after a horrible tragedy and drugs. After witnessing my friend drown at the beach
i got into a depressing situation so i took 2 pills of esctasy. When i came donw from it i had a 
major panic attack. Now i hd panic attacks before, but this one landed me in a mental home for 
2 day.....yes it was that severe.

When I was released from the hospital i felt fine, then about 2 days later i went to best buy
and bought me lil waynes tha carter 3 album, great album by the way. It was june 10th as a
matter fact. As i was driving i look up at the sun and looked back at the road and i was blind 
for about 10 seconds i was guessing that was hppd. I just didnt feel right it felt like i was in a 
dream. I said to myself "No not again". This isnt the first time i got dp but thats another story.
So i got home and told my parents that i think its happenin again. So i went 2 sleep and woke up the 
next morning and i felt fine, but when i went to work i notice it had came back. I tried to keep a straight
face at work smile acting like the shit didn't faze me. But when everybody started looking fake and i went 
2 the bathroom and looked at my self in the mirror and then it felt like it wasnt me i started crying.
I was crying at work everyday, at home crying. I was so upset because i was so stupid to let this happen 
again.

Now i didnt know what depersonalization was until this year, so after about 2 weeks i just look on the 
internet. I search for about 3 hours and i finally found out what it was, i was so happy because when i 
was younger and had this no one had anwsers. So I was happy thinking they had a cure for this, but when i
found out it wasnt a cure for it shit just got worser for me. It felt like it was getting worser everday.
I wasted the whole summer just in the house, on this site looking at stories about how people having
this disorder for 30 years. People having it for 10 years before they got cured. I was freaking out so one
day i went to my brothers house and told him about it. He said dont worried about and gave me some liquor.
I was drunk as hell feeling good, but when i woke up and had a hellish hangover. I felt like a ghost in my house.
So when everybody left i started crying again and i grabbed a knife and slash myself in the face. I didnt stop
there. Just when i was about to stab myself in the throat my father walked in and i hurried up and ran upstairs.

I went to work the next day and just broke down, i quit my job told my boss i couldnt do it no more. But they 
gave me 3 months to recover. Over that 3 months I just tried to live my life. I tried medicine but that shit 
didnt work. I just listen to alot of people on this site and they said just live your life. After a while i got what they was
talking about . Just forgot about it . Its been almost 6 months and im doing just fine, im back too my old self again.
Im not cured yet but its almost gone. Its not the worst thing in the world anymore. And i did without any meds eithet.

What im tryna say if i can do you can dam sure do it.
JUST LET GO AND LET GOD DEAL WITH IT.


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## Krob216 (Sep 5, 2018)

This is me 10 years later, you were so intelligent than and made a mistake. I'm back have depersonalization again for taking molly. This is the keith at 33 years old. I just want my life back. Seeing this post is crazy, I posted this with no worries or anything. My life had gotten better than. I just hope I can heal faster and stay drug free for good.


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## MichiganMade (Sep 26, 2018)

Wow. What a difference 10 years can make.. but you are more intelligent now than you were then.... don't down yourself so hard.... recover once, twice and 3 times.... stay off the drugs... stay sober.. do you. Enjoy your 1 life my friend. In the end..... you'll be fine

Mm


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

You made a mistake, but you're only human and it doesn't make you a bad person. The reality is that drugs are out there, people are using them and there is peer pressure, so don't beat yourself up.

Sounds like it was traumatic and a real shock to the system. The come-down from the shock will take much longer than the come-down from the drug, so go easy on yourself and give it time. When it comes to panic, something I do when I'm feeling relatively calm is to affirm to myself that nothing actually happened, which is objectively true. You panicked, but nothing actually happened, and when you panic nothing does actually happen. This helps me with catastrophic thinking.


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## Krob216 (Sep 5, 2018)

Thank you all for responding, its just so hard with the OCD and negative thinking. I promise more drugs. Right now it just seems impossible to think about a future


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