# Derealization - or hppd??



## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

Hey guys...
I'm not sure if I put this in the right section but here goes nothing...

I'm a 21 year old male from canada..

This "depersonalization" is absolutely killing me... It is 24/7 for the past 3 months, from the time I wake up, to the time I go to bed... Even my dreams are weird...

When I wake up every morning I feel this depressing weird state instantly come alive in my body. And I always think... Ugh.. Here we go again...

Here is my symptoms... 
My vision is dreamyish, and its almost like there is t.v. Static through it... Everything just seems so surreal...
I get bad headaches
I feel like there is ALWAYS something wrong inside me, I constantly have a weird nervous feeling...
Feel like my mind always races and I can't stop dwelling on this shit..
I think I'm depressed now because I feel like I'm going to be like this forever...
I feel like I'm about to go into a convolsion at any moment - but never do..
I twitch..
The nerve endings of my feet sometimes become adgitated..
I feel uncomfortable and scared to do things that I onced love
I just feel out of it, like I'm stuck in a bad trip.. Or stuck in a bad high..

do you think this is all anxiety and derealization?
Or do you think that I could be "HPPD" or both?

Does anyone have those same symptoms as me?

This is really affecting the quality of my life, and I feel like I'm never going to be the same again... I don't want to start taking medication because if it makes this worse I don't know how I would continue with life (after feeling this way I know why people could potentially kill themselves)

I'm sick of seeing these doctors because they basicly just want to perscrive me antidepressants - and say its some sort of depression/anxiety induced psycosis...

If these doctors don't even know what I'm going through how am I supposed to beat this? Its a scary feeling.. I really feel for anyone going through what I'm going though... I've read other posts of people with dp/dr and mine seems a little to intese to be derealization?? Maybe its not??

My "derealizatio" was induced by a single night of ingesting a MDMA pill, while drinking at a club... I once had depersonalization before as a kid but it went away (it was from smoking pot)

Anyways any input would mean the world to me...

Thank you guys...
Nathan
Ontario, Canada


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## Guest (Aug 4, 2010)

Well it doesnt really sound like hppd, i have it and i get the visual snow but i also get things where my walls and floor will breath and ripple and things have patterns on them sometimes. I mean it could be a minor form of hppd but i think its more DR.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

oh feel for you buddy. Going through exactly the same things, i have terrible racing thoughts all the time, as a result this causes depression.

The reaction i have got from doctors is like they dont know what to do about it either, its like they dont understand how utterly fucked this is. Keep me updated on your treatment if you are successful or not, wish u the best.


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## Minerva8979 (Jan 30, 2010)

Well I can relate to everything youre saying except the tingling in the feet, and my thoughts aren't as racey. But I do feel this sense of needing to do something, even like you said, as if you could go into convulsions. My perception is dreamlike and static-ey. I think i have more derealization than depersonalization at this point. It's a trip, but if you can control the anxiety, the weird derealization symptoms are easier to handle.


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## Zee Deveel (Aug 3, 2009)

Yeah the description of your vision is spot on to what I see and I actually do get a lot of weird tingles all over my body. I recall having a phase of getting them pre-dominantly in my feet, but most of that is gone now.

Actually now that I come to think of it.

I've stopped:
Twitching
Tingling (mostly)
Worrying about my heart
Having chest pains
Having palpitations
Having panic attacks
Getting angry
Getting depressed

All that remains is the weird vision, the fatigue and a crappy short term memory.

And I think all of that has happened because I reckon I've reduced the amount of fear and worry this has over me by around 70%.. So yeah I think it's anxiety mate.

Plus if you read the visual symptoms of HPPD, they seem to be a lot more nasty than what we both describe, halos around objects, trails, lots of visual snow.. Really evil shit. I also think HPPD induced by MDMA is rather rare and that most cases come from LSD, though I couldn't provide you with any evidence of that. Just a feeling I get from reading about it.


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