# Supporting the Depressed



## Shapiro (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm one of the lucky few that doesn't suffer from depression. I get "the blues" sometimes because of dp and other things, but anyone who suffers from depression will tell you thats not the same thing. My Mum, and a good friend of mine suffer from sever depression. I was hoping anyone here who suffers with it could share some of the most and least helpful things people have said and done while supporting you. I feel very helpless trying to support them. Any strong emotions like feeling helpless or sad triggers episodes of dp for me, so in a round about way this is dp related. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.


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## Guest (Mar 24, 2013)

while the roots of depression can go back a long way, and will be issues that person has to find the courage to address themselves, when it comes to supporting someone with depression, I can just tell you that in my own experience, things I needed at such times from others were very human needs. Simple acts of care and kindness. It doesn't have to be anything special. It's not that the tea itself helps, it's that someone took the time to make it for you. I have a good friend who mailed me when I was down, and just the fact that she cared enough to do that made me feel better 

Any negativity or berating, such as the classic, "pull yourself together!", would have the opposite result and just reinforce my negativities about people and the world, although that's not to say you can't encourage and support them in taking steps that may help them.

But you do have to be careful about protecting yourself and your boundaries, knowing that you are not ultimately responsible and there is only so much you can do personally. It's not reasonable for someone to lean on you too hard or too often, although I appreciate that's not always so easy when it's a family member. I know you know that you cannot "fix" another person, but if that person is willing to help themselves, your patience and support can make a big difference. You don't always have to say or do anything special. Just that you were there can be enough.


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

> I feel very helpless trying to support them. Any strong emotions like
> feeling helpless or sad triggers episodes of dp for me, so in a round
> about way this is dp related. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.


My advice is very basic: heal *thyself* before you attempt to heal others. If you do, you'll find you're much better at it.

Your entire focus should be on healing yourself. Accomplish that, and everything follows of its own accord.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Haumea said:


> My advice is very basic: heal *thyself* before you attempt to heal others. If you do, you'll find you're much better at it.
> 
> Your entire focus should be on healing yourself. Accomplish that, and everything follows of its own accord.


Since DP, depression, anxiety, etc. are isolating and can be self-absorbing, wouldn't reaching out to help others help yourself?

The 'human touch' is one of the most productive things to both experience and give. One cannot wait to be an expert, nor can they ever be an expert without experience. A parent starts off on base one not after a home-run...










Some of these disorders can be chronic - either continuous or reoccurring. Waiting for a 'cure' could stunt your life indefinately.

Another facet to consider is that 'healing' and 'growing' can be synonymous. One should never stop growing. Like playing a musical instrument, at first it is hard and the notes come out coarse, but with persistence, beautiful music can be produced.

Being mature is relative. While there are often milestones in development (first walk, first words, puberty, first job, first kiss, ...), experience, enrichment, and love can extend forever.

What do humans crave? Note the above observation "...*things I needed at such times from others were very human needs. Simple acts of care and kindness*".

Perhaps one may pause to regroup/rearrange-their-household. But don't wait until your healthy ... emotional health keeps growing and growing ...


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## Guest (Mar 25, 2013)

^ ^ ^ I've seen Visual do some really good posts.......but this BY FAR the best post i have ever seen him do!!!!

I don't think i could express those feelings any better. I feel like he has taken this directly from my heart and my brain.

CHEERS!

Thank You.


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## Shapiro (Nov 7, 2011)

Thanks for the feedback guys. Phantasm, as always your advice is bang on. And that was a powerful post Visual. I couldn't agree more.


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

> Since DP, depression, anxiety, etc. are isolating and can be self-absorbing, wouldn't reaching out to help others help yourself?


It could, depending on how it's approached. One shouldn't do it as a distraction or an escape from dealing with one's own issues. It's possible to do this in a way that is ineffective both for helping others and yourself. It's a fine line that cannot be blurred if one wants the best for everyone involved.

Also, others are more likely to listen to you if they see you've handled your own issues and experienced remarkable change. Leading by example can be extraordinarily powerful.


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