# Does everyone here feel non-existent?



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I mean I am totally cut off from my existence. TOTALLY. The part of me that just "is" or that can just be. My essence my soul my spirit. All of that. I am a body frame. Nothing else. I don't feel my head attached to me.

I mean seriously I feel like one of the most unfortunate "humans" "alive" just like you all. I wish I would never had been born honestly. This is torture.

You guys I don't have hope right now. I could lay dead everyday. Even though I don't that's what it feels like. Everything about me is gone.


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## BanterDPD (Sep 21, 2016)

Totally agree Coffee, I seem to full my week doing a bunch of meaningless crap. I am unable to love, hate, laugh, cry but despite this complete lack of emotion I still manage to feel terror, fear and anxiety.....its a real fuckin bitter pill to have to swallow!!


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

I relate 100%! i've often had the thought or feeling that i must be the most unfortunate human too. It's like the problem isn't going through something hard or horrific in life, but it's that i'm stuck "outside" of life not able to participate in anything at all. Which might not sound bad on the surface, but it's worse then pretty much anything i can think of, except something like being litterally tortured 24/7 in a concentration camp during ww2. I know how fucked up that sounds This is just what is going on in my head


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Pondererer said:


> I relate 100%! i've often had the thought or feeling that i must be the most unfortunate human too. It's like the problem isn't going through something hard or horrific in life, but it's that i'm stuck "outside" of life not able to participate in anything at all. Which might not sound bad on the surface, but it's worse then pretty much anything i can think of, except something like being litterally tortured 24/7 in a concentration camp during ww2. I know how fucked up that sounds This is just what is going on in my head


Exactly! It's like we can't even go through hard things in life because we aren't in our lives. There is no purpose to anything I "do". I can't feel anything towards anything including what I am writing now. And who is writing it?

I don't like to compare it to anything but honestly I would take ANYTHING else to have some sort of sense of self and personhood. I would rather be on my death bed and feel myself then go through one day of DP. I think, if any of my family members were to pass away while I am like this, I wouldn't even cry or feel anything. I truly am not real or here anymore.


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

I felt non existent, didn't feel my personality, my body, my reflexion, my mind, seems like my case was the worst


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Marinkawr said:


> I felt non existent, didn't feel my personality, my body, my reflexion, my mind, seems like my case was the worst


I have it the same. Are you better?


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Yes, i'm almost ok. I'm taking Cymbalta and neuroleptics for half a year and it eliminated many of these symptoms, but it took a few month, though first results appeared in three weeks


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

But don't pray only on pills, it does help but doesn't cure it, once i felt better i said fuck it all i'm going to live like before, but i'm still scared that my old symptoms can come back and it's bad, cause if we want it to go away we have to be fearless.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I am fearless though and nothing changes or improves. I walk around without being in my body! 
I do things, I work, I drive, all while not being here.

I don't think I can handle much more. I am in constant pain


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## Axiom (Jul 25, 2016)

I feel your pain, CoffeeGirl9. (So to speak, of course.) It feels like I am not my body, my thoughts, or my memories, I'm not anything. I don't like, I don't love, I don't want, I don't feel a need for anything other than to avoid certain thoughts or feelings.

All I do is watch this walking machine of objectivity analyze the world around it. My sister, who has been the most supportive person in my life, cried on the phone with me a few hours ago and the only reaction I had was to try to act like I cared so she wouldn't become more upset or get angry at me, fully aware of how detached I was (of how detached I was, et cetera).

Funny thing is, I see all of you as human beings with selves and identities from how and what you say in your posts. Maybe you see me the same way.

God, this is fucked up, isn't it?


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