# To people like me who are recovering slowly.



## elliottorres (Dec 16, 2012)

Hello there guys, this is Elliot, I am kind of new to the forums, already made some friends from the chat room. Now, I have been dealing with DP.DR for perhaps a little over a month now. I feel it's important to explain to you guys how I feel, my theories, and what is actually curing me.

I first became DP.DR very slowly, I noticed it once, told my friend about it,

"hey man, do you ever feel like nothing is real, and you're just like, walking around in this world, and your body is doing everything"

While on my way to work. I noticed it, but after that, I didn't give it much thought, I kept on with my day. Before that day happened though, I had had a panic attack three days after smoking Spice/k2/Diablo (synthetic marijuana). Now I myself, being a Marine, I thought I was dying, I mean, something seriously bad is happening to me I believed.

"A Marine like me who grew up in the ghettoes of Los Angeles cant possibly be getting a panic attack, that's some little bitch shit, I must have a tumor or some kind of sickness or cancer, but certainly not a panic attack"

No matter how many times the Doctors told me it seemed like a Panic attack, I truly believed they were full of bullshit, they must be wrong, I seriously believed something else was extremely wrong with me. All those days of having that "yup, I am dying" anxiety caused a chemical imbalance in the brain. But I think as time wen't by, I felt better, just a little off, one weekend on thanksgiving, my dumb ass decided to smoke Diablo (SM) and three days later I believe, I woke up with a BAD anxiety attack, felt like a mini panic attack, and from there on out, I was depersonalized and derealized.

2 weeks of hell, in Camp Pendleton, away from home and family and friends, surrounded by people I disliked, no one to talk to, not knowing what was wrong with me (which made the DP.DR worse because I had even MORE anxiety from believing that I permanently fried my brain due to the spice) But It became apparent to me, from looking up information on my Iphone that I wasn't insane, a lot of people got this feeling from drugs, and it would go away. I couldn't take it no more, I asked for leave to come back home, I came home to my parents and friends and family. Instantly better, though not cured, first few days in my house were HORRIBLE, but not as Hellish as the first two weeks at my Barracks room in the Marines.

Now home, no longer a Marine just waiting for my walkin papers since I am done with my contract, I sit here to tell you guys, how I cured my DP.DR two to three times already, and why I keep getting it back. First of all, acceptance, and assurance from the psychologists and doctors telling me that it will go away, really relieved so much stress off of me, practically took the anxiety away. Crying to my loved ones on their shoulder, acceptance, and moving forward with life. Trying to have positive thoughts in the middle of all these horrible thoughts.

But what really fixed me, was this Forum on here called 'The Holy Grail to curing Depersonalization/Derealization' I took a lot of it's advice, minus the vitamins and diet part. I decided, what do I have to lose? I don't want to go out or do anything with anyone, but fuck it... I will do whatever it takes to get rid of this. So I went out wth my friends, I felt derealized, and depersonalized, I couldn't really enjoy my time or anything with them. But by forcing myself to go out wth them and engage in activities with them. I really became almost cured by the third day, I was so happy yai. Then one sleepless night, full of anxiety, laying down in my bed, thinking stupid thoughts about myself, reality, if this is all a dream, ect ect, well what do you know, the dp.dr came back again, that son of a bitch....

Now, I wasn't suicidal anymore, I knew that I could get rid of that sucker, so I hadn't lost hope. So for like 5 days in a row now, I had cured my dp.dr again, following these simple steps, acceptance, not giving a fuck, excercise, and being extremely social. Last night though, I had another one of those nights, when I wake up with my sweaty shirts (changed them twice) No sleep, stupid thoughts, and those moments take away ALL OF YOUR morale. I mean, they're fucking debilitating man. Everytime you fall back into being Dp.Dr it always feels like shit. I told myself

"it might come back, it's part of the healing process, just be ready for it"

and you think you will be, but you NEVER ARE. Because the moment it comes back, it consumes you, it's like right before you're going to get into a fist fight, you have it all planned out, you know what you want to do, and have to do to win, but the moment the guy starts swinging at you, you loose all control and start swinging back uncontrollably and before you know it both of you guys are a tangled mess and you forget how to even fight it.

That's how having Dp.Dr. episodes feel like. Now I myself am a low level proffesional MMA fighter, it took me a long time to find the experience, calm, technique and understanding to remain calm when someone comes at you with the intent of hurting you. So basically, if I can get the DISCIPLINE and MENTAL STRENGTH to keep myself from reacting with instinct, and instead react with intelligence, I feel I can do the same to the dp.dr, I just have to learn how it works, it's weaknesses, tango with it a little bit. And today, when I woke up feeling a little derealized and depersonalized because of last nights anxiety panicky attacks... I was bad in the morning, but by the afternoon I learned to control it, and right now I am feeling like 70% cured, but if I had let it run wild, let it depress me, let it fuck me, I would probably be like at 5% cured and dreading it.

It's controlable, but you can't just sit there doing nothing and trying to fix your own thoughts like you're Spock or some shit, you're not Spock or Yoda, you're a human being with a chemical imbalance, and you need to get your mind off the fixation, to keep the anxiety from sky rocketing, to keep the dp.dr from sky rocketing. I don't know about you guys, but I am keeping myself busy by going out, having fun, being social, and excercising (try to do so in groups, like playing soccer or basketball) and I can swear to you, I cure myself near or at 100% when I keep that up. I felt like if I was able to keep that up for a whole month straight, that happy go lucky healthy competitive social lifestyle, I would get rid of this.

But I fucked up, because last night I decided to go out late at night, eat a god damn Super Burger with Chili Cheese Fries and a Sprite at 12:00 at night. When you need good sleep, you suffer from anxiety, and nightmares. That's definitely not the right thing to do.

Again guys, follow the Forum/Post/Thread on here called. "The Holy Grail to Curing DP.DR" and I promise you guys, that you will see huge improvements. Whoever wrote that is a SAINT lol. If you guys need help at any time, feel free to contact me. You guys have a good one and take care.


----------



## CharlieFreak (Nov 19, 2012)

I believe if it is normal for you to go out and eat a Super Burger and Chili Cheese Fries at 12:00 at night, go ahead and do it! If you are restricting yourself from your mental state, you are going to be depressed because you feel like you are missing out on what normal people can do. I found that pushing myself to stay out late with my friends even though I didn't want to helped me a lot in recovery. The more I did it, the more I enjoyed my nights. Now, I can go a night with only five hours of sleep and not feel the tiniest bit of anxiety the next day. I do admit id much rather get a full 8 hours though I freaking LOVE sleep. And believe me, I had EXTREMELY bad anxiety with daily panic attacks. My DP got to the point that I almost had to drop out of college. Now I feel completely normal and DP is a faded memory.


----------

