# from my heart to yours, how and why dp works the way it does



## theatreSpell (Jan 18, 2006)

the cure for depersonalization is re-personalization. gotta come back to yourself, old memories, objects that trigger emotions, scents, music, people, animals

i think about fighting dp everyday. everyday i'm trying to figure out HOW it works, HOW i can make sense of it, so that if i have the misfortune of going there again i will be able to remember all these things that i came up with while 'normal' so that it will pull me out of it, so that *I *will pull me out of it.

the worst is inability to feel emotion. i think i understand now why dp is so torturous and agonising.

here we go 

in dp - emotions are shut down, emotional mind is not there, but the rational, cognitive is. the cognitive recognises things and objects, but because the emotional mind isn't there, whatever the cognitive thinks doesn't make sense to *the personal self*.

the importance of the emotional mind is enormous. to make a decision we have to pass it thru our emotions. we can't make decisions unaffected by our emotions, there will be no sense and no purpose to them, those thoughts and decisons won't feel like they are ours(no self).

i believe that the brain works in such a way that things/thoughts about stuff have sense and purpose only if they are backed up by an emotion. you can always only see things from your own point of view. you have to be able to relate it to yourself otherwise you feel cut off from those things. well, in dp, that's what's happening. the cognitive is there doing it's thinking but the emotional isn't there to steer it or to decide. nothing makes sense. 
the cognitive is made for doubting and questioning and editing and so you go on doubting and editing everything, doubting reality and doubting your own existence. My worst dp thought was that - I did not exist - i couldn't get around it, i couldn't make sense of it, but at the same time i couldn't deny that it was a possibility just because i had actually conceived of the thought in my head. my rational brain was raging on, but the emotional wasn't there to say - stop, ok, the thought is there but it's not true, because *I feel* my existence. The rational brain can't be trusted without the emotional. The rational thinks it knows everything, but even if you're smart it's still very limited. In dp you're constantly bumping into your own mental limits, and you think you're right, you think you're in ultimate reality because you cannot concieve that you might be wrong.

it's so liberating to embrace the thought of being wrong, being wrong about your perceptions.

but to come back to dp's emotional shut down. when the emotional isn't there you can no longer recognise *your* objects, *your* friends, *your*self. that's what happened to me. i was able to recognise things rationally, for example i knew i was with my boyfriend for whom i cared deeply, i deduced it rationally based on my previous memories, but i was unable to recognise him emotionally, personally, in the moment. same with objects around me. i would be in a room, but everything seemed to be pulsating with alienness. i knew the objects were mine, but because i wasn't there emotionally i didn't really know what mine meant, so there was this mis-match, where i knew something was terribly wrong but i didn't know what. and the worst is when you're with yourself, or looking at the mirror, the rational part of you sees you, but the emotional isn't there for you to identify with yourself. the rational begins to asks countless questions, and the emotional/personal isn't there to say - f*ck this, i'm beeing unreasonable, so the brain rages on unsupported.

so many of us can be so good good at rational reasoning, we think we're so smart and inteligent, but what we're forgetting is that there is a form of intelligence called Emotional Intelligence. in DP it is the Emotional Intelligence that you need. knowing when to let go, when to decide you're wrong, when to decide to give yourself a break.

my last dp episode was horrible because i was doubting everything, my self, my friend who was sitting next to me trying to make me feel better. i needed an emotion. i was desperate to find something that i couldn't doubt. i needed to find something that i knew was real. the answer came in a most unexpected way. i began thinking about people hoping to find at least one person whom i wouldn't be able to doubt, and i came across my mother. i was startled at first that it was thoughts of my mother that were making me feel real. because i had pushed my mother away from me for the longest time, for years i had decided that i won't let her affect me. but as i was sitting there thinking about her i felt rage and hurt. but, it was making me feel really good, in the sense that my dp ridden brain was finally able to breathe and i was able to feel ME. i also realised that i needed to do something about my relationship with my mother. my mother, whom i blamed for most of my problems, was my dp saviour. she clearly meant a lot to me even thought i thought otherwise.

this is what i mean about the importance of emotions. dp sufferers are people who have suppressed their emotions so much that they are at a risk of committing emotional suicide. and we lie to ourselves too. we make ourselves beleive that things don't hurt us, that we can turn our emotions off and be invulnerable. but no, we are vulnerable. if we don't deal with our emotions, if we don't confront them, stay with them and let them out then we we loose ourselves forever. we are our emotions. anyone can rationalize, analyse, deduce - a computer does that. but it is our emotions that make us who we are that make us human. i've denied my emotions, i've denied myself to myself, i beleived that i wasn't important to my own self. what a big mistake. i paid for it with dp. and i learned from that.

feelings aren't right or wrong they just are. we have to take care of ourselves, we have to protect ourselves from domination, not internalize it. this is about Courage. the Courage to feel what You feel and keep it as our own, our own world, our own personality that cannot be taken away from you. the Courage to feel Pride about who you are and what you decide to do. The Courage to feel Self-Love.


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## chris51 (Mar 21, 2005)

powerful...and REALLY insightful.I hear ya"


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Very good post. The question is then how does the mind cut off emotions and what can we do about it?

My personal opinion is that if we cant feel emotion we are cut off from our bodies somehow, what I mean is that when we feel emotion it is felt largely as a body sensation so if we feel love its in our hearts and fear in our stomaches and we have "gut feelings" about things and some people are "a pain in the neck", all emotion is felt in the body. If you cant feel emotion then you are cut off from these sensations and the information and messages which they bring to every situation. Without this information we go into life with a large chunk missing, so therefore we are in a constant state of confusion and anxiety.

All emotion is supposed to flow but we get taught (wrongly) that we should control and reject some emotions, and we discover that the best way to control them is to contract and constrict your body, (for example if you go on a rollercoaster when you are scared you tense up your body to reduce the fear). So if you cant feel emotion I think it is likely that you will have a lot of tensions and blocks in your body, you may not even be conscious of the tensions if you are very disconnected but I bet they still exist.

So therefore one way to access your buried emotions is to work at physicaly releasing your body tensions and blocks which will open you up to experiencing emotion which you have integrate and accept in order for you to become more healty and whole.


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## theatreSpell (Jan 18, 2006)

yes, 
i agree with the importance of being physical. in dp there is so much focus on what goes inside our own head that we forget that we can release that tension with physical exercise.

dp is very impressive numbing. last time i was experiecing it, i decided to cut myself to see whether my body still existed, whether i could feel pain. and surprisingly my pain tolerance was extremely high. i didn't cut myself deep but i realised that it didn't hurt as much as it should have and that that meant that i was hyperfocusing on the thoughts inside my head.

why does the mind cut of emotions? i think it can be a learned habit. i certainly catch myself wanting to not feel certain things, or even not want to feel my reactions, my own self. on some deep level, i actually delieve that i don't want to feel because it is too painful to feel. but that is not good. if i don't let myself feel then i'm killing myself emotionally, then i'm cutting myself off from the world.

the mind cuts off emotions when they are too overwhelming to feel/to process, when we are not ready for whatever it is that triggered it. however, if we supress these emotions they won't go away. a emotional shutdown is a sign that some things have not been processed. instead of burring them and not touching them we need to look at why it hurts us so much, why we can't handle them. chances are at the bottom of a seemly complicated problem there is a very simple emotion, like loneliness, or worthlessness for example. it is from these that we get all other emotions like jealousy, anger, sadness and i think DP.

so yea, do physical exercises, and let yourself feel. for me dp is like a massive identity crisis, a split from myself which says that there is something about me that i really don't like and don't want to pay attention to. but the thing is you DON"T have to be your worst enemy.

i trully do believe that the answer is self-love and acceptance coupled together with an active life style which brings stimulating change. 
i tend to be anti-medication so i would say therapy would be a good start. it's all about your relationship with your own self.

anyone else? please post....


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## lies (Nov 14, 2005)

nice to read these storys
it's all very similar to what my idea is on dp
here at home one of the things that can't be done
is crying and feeling bad...
all you have to do is smile, and be happy
all my life i felt really depressed, and i tought
what's wrong with me, i'm abnormal feeling so bad
so i tried to hide those feelings, never showed how i felt
i'm really mad now at my parents that they let me believe
feeling depressed is something abnormal

no feeling ever should be suppressed
cause feelings are there to be felt, and tell us things
once dp kicks in, it's all so much harder to do, to let feelings in...

xxx


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

I think you've pretty much hit the nail on the head 

We are really powerful creatures, capable of doing anything we want. On thing we can do extremely well as humans is to supress our emotions to the extent we don't even think they exist anymore.

IMO the reason we do that is fear. We are afraid of being hurt, feeling pain that we feel that we cannot deal with. But the fear of pain is always more painful than the experience we are running from. The only way to defeat fear is to confront it and DO whatever it is you are afraid of.


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## livinginhell333 (Feb 19, 2005)

yes very good post. i relate to everything. with my family or friends i can't feel their presence emotionally and well physically its like there a figment of my imagination, like everything is just not real, i mean i'm not even connected right now like typing this. so hard not to think about it. its tearing away at my soul my mind, its so seperate from my body and the physical world. i don't know how to feel, i don't know what emotions are. i can't connect to a dam thing at all emotionally and i can't really feel things physically, how the hell do i go on like this. i can't be doin this forever, this isn't what i want. how can i go through days in this dream world acting like everything is ok. i feel dead inside outside, i just feel dead and non existant to myself to my family to my friends, sometimes i wish someone would just wake me up. i can't even feel anything right now, i can't cry i can't get mad but i know i want this dp/dr to end, i just don't want to accept it. i hate living in a dream. i have no regular feelings, i'm not even tired and its really late right now. sorry for the ramble.

i know i say the same things over, this is the only place where people relate, and i do appreciate everyone's advice, and i know you guys can't bring me back, i have to do it, i just don't know how. my mind is numb, i can't even think anymore, its like i have given up. i want to be stronger. i ask god to help me and he just shoves me aside like a piece of dirt. i want to be able to feel something, pain joy, love, happiness, something. i want to feel a hug from my mom or a friend or excited to play basketball or hear a certain song that i like. how do you guys do it the ones that have had it for 5 years, i don't even know what day it is anymore, time is so trivial i don't even care about time, it all feels the same. i really wonder if there is a god, i can't do this myself, i've been to doctors, apparently i need a better one. ok thats it for now. night.


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## lies (Nov 14, 2005)

livinginhell333 said:


> yes very good post. i relate to everything. with my family or friends i can't feel their presence emotionally and well physically its like there a figment of my imagination, like everything is just not real, i mean i'm not even connected right now like typing this. so hard not to think about it. its tearing away at my soul my mind, its so seperate from my body and the physical world. i don't know how to feel, i don't know what emotions are. i can't connect to a dam thing at all emotionally and i can't really feel things physically, how the hell do i go on like this. i can't be doin this forever, this isn't what i want. how can i go through days in this dream world acting like everything is ok. i feel dead inside outside, i just feel dead and non existant to myself to my family to my friends, sometimes i wish someone would just wake me up. i can't even feel anything right now, i can't cry i can't get mad but i know i want this dp/dr to end, i just don't want to accept it. i hate living in a dream. i have no regular feelings, i'm not even tired and its really late right now. sorry for the ramble.
> 
> i know i say the same things over, this is the only place where people relate, and i do appreciate everyone's advice, and i know you guys can't bring me back, i have to do it, i just don't know how. my mind is numb, i can't even think anymore, its like i have given up. i want to be stronger. i ask god to help me and he just shoves me aside like a piece of dirt. i want to be able to feel something, pain joy, love, happiness, something. i want to feel a hug from my mom or a friend or excited to play basketball or hear a certain song that i like. how do you guys do it the ones that have had it for 5 years, i don't even know what day it is anymore, time is so trivial i don't even care about time, it all feels the same. i really wonder if there is a god, i can't do this myself, i've been to doctors, apparently i need a better one. ok thats it for now. night.


You are able to feel
believe that there is a way out
how else do you expect to get better


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## theatreSpell (Jan 18, 2006)

hey there livinghell333

when you say that you can't feel anything you make yourself beleive it. 
that is the trap. you have to give yourself a chance.
you say that you can't feel things because probably at some point in your life you decided not to feel things. now it's time to let yourself feel again.
the human brain apparently has a tendency to repeat the familiar, even if it is negative. if you're used to feeling like you're in a rut then there will be a tendency to stay in a rut. you gotta tell yourself that you're gonna make it!!

you have to decide to feel again. one of the best ways is to get away from your usual environment, the environment that depresses you. if you feel bound to that environment, that is even more of a reason to get away from it. you owe it to yourself.


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

im just wondering, TheatreSpell. how is your dp doing? how long have u had it?

-Gabriel.


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## greensong (Aug 13, 2006)

I was lying in bed a couple nights ago and a brainwave hit. For me, the root of DP/DR may not be because the emotions are overwhelming - it's the *pain* that comes from those emotions that makes them overwhelming. I came to this conclusion after analysing something that happened earlier in the day. I had been thinking about a person and I felt apprehensive and knew that emotional pain would come up if I kept thinking about them. Then auto-pilot deadened the thought process completely, so no hard pain ever came up.

It's all well and good to have a defense mechanism, but in DP/DR, these defenses are hypersensitive. Instead of only deadening majorly painful and traumatic experiences for their duration, it's deadened every single thing that could cause pain (real experience, emotions, personal identity, all of it). It's gone overboard. Maybe it's also a cycle, because as we get used to living without pain, the concept of pain seems even scarier, and we withdraw from ourselves even more.

Maybe I'm completely way off base with this, but it is hard for me to remember the last time I felt real cutting, burning emotional pain from an event in my life. The only pain I experience is the agonizing WHY AM I IN THIS HELL pain, but I feel that I'm blocked from experiencing even that fully because I'm still functioning. Trouble is, I can't feel, or experience anything else either. I guess something inside thinks that alternative is better than panic-attacks and depression and self-hate for actions past.

I'm wondering how you guys experience pain when you're in the thick of DP/DR, and whether this possibility makes sense to anyone else.

And if it does make sense, what does it say? Maybe what I'm missing is a deep trust in myself, a trust that I have the power to handle all this pain I must be hiding somewhere. Maybe this is an "emotional pain phobia," and the answer lies in somehow exposing myself to pain a bit at a time until I can build up tolerance. Maybe this means I should get myself some therapy.

Whatever it is, *theatreSpell* is right: it's all about *courage*...to trust, to take the pain and become stronger for it.


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## peachpie (Aug 17, 2006)

Thanks for starting this thread.

Yes, I feel emotionless when I descend into DP/DR and you had to remind me! You can get in such a rut with these experiences, that you no longer notice that you're not feeling anything.

I've noticed that a good cry can begin to take me out of DP/DR, but I have to work myself into it ? scream, beat up furniture, etc. Once I've cried, I feel more at peace, more grounded and everything looks clearer. It's like someone took the film off my eyes and turned up the lights.

Sometimes it lasts a good long while; other times, not. But it does get things moving.


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## theatreSpell (Jan 18, 2006)

yes, crying can be really good, the trick is realising that it will be good and actually allowing yourself to cry. allowing yourself to be human.

we all know how strange it is that in dp there are no emotions, no pain, yet there is all this fear. 
dp is hellish because it is a dissociative problem. 
you think you can't feel, you think there are no emotions, yet ...why all this terror inside? right? the hell and the terror is a sign of pain, it is a sign that you are experiencing something painfull, you are being emotional, but because you've dissociated you no longer relate to it, you've shut down your emotions, but you're still conscious. it's this mental anguish instead of an emotional reaction. so instead of releasing what is bothering you thru emotions you try to think it thru with your mind, but the mind is not going to be a personal mind if it can't process emotions, if it does not have access to emotions. hence the state of total identity crisis, and self-recognition problems. 
dp is like an alarm that goes off saying - you've neglected a part of yourself.

Gabriel - my dp is episodic. first time i experienced it was when i was 12/13. and then i'd have it every year a couple of times a year. then at 16 it stopped. then at 21 came back after i smoked weed (not for the first time). after that i decided to see a therapist. 
after my dp episoded i usually go thru a period of PTSD.
i think the fear of the dp state keeps us vulnerable to it. instead of being petrified of having it again, i'm slowly beginning to embrace the idea that perhaps at some point in the future it will hit me. being accepting of it makes it less threatening to me, and also makes my current reality real. makes all of these realities congruous. and that's what matters the most. i just want to know that there's one reality, not a number of split ones.


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## nicon (Aug 19, 2004)

Theatre!

did you have a lot of therapy to become so insightfull about dp?

wow

spot on!


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## theatreSpell (Jan 18, 2006)

no i didn't have a lot of therapy.... for 5 months or so, seeing my therapist every week. it's important to have a very close relationship with the person who's helping you so that you can actually trust them with discussing this problem. therapists could be better than friends or family members because they're used to dealing with problems. a therapist was definately more helpful than friends or family for me. i'm just too scared to tell the people close to me, coz if they're normal they won't understand.

what's helped me tremendously is reading a book called "Emotional Fitness".

when you're dealing with dp a lot of the insights have to be your own, or at least you have to relate to them, because that's how you become re-depersonalised  
while dp/dr is an emotional problem, ironically i find that analysing it works best when i'm not being emotional (because then i don't get scared and i don't get sucked into it).

but of course being emotional - crying, feeling hurt, sad, happy is the best way to get out of it. that's how you find yourself again.


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## ShyTiger (Apr 1, 2005)

Great post.


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## peachpie (Aug 17, 2006)

theatreSpell said:


> no i didn't have a lot of therapy.... for 5 months or so, seeing my therapist every week. it's important to have a very close relationship with the person who's helping you so that you can actually trust them with discussing this problem. therapists could be better than friends or family members because they're used to dealing with problems. a therapist was definately more helpful than friends or family for me. i'm just too scared to tell the people close to me, coz if they're normal they won't understand.
> 
> what's helped me tremendously is reading a book called "Emotional Fitness".
> 
> ...


Thank you for the recommendation of _Emotional Fitness_. Reading it helped me tremendously because it's made me realize that I'm more emotionally shut down at times than I imagined. Such a little actress I am!

My DP is episodic and seems to coincide with the emotional hidey-holes I go into. Other factors seem to come into play, like recently discovered food intolerances, but perhaps it's better to discuss that in another thread.


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## Colorado Dave (Nov 29, 2006)

You just perfectly articulated what I've been theorizing for so long, but could never quite outline in such an organized way. Great post and ideas.


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

When it comes down to it, dissociation/DP is a defensive mechanism. At some stage in our life, or perhaps gradually over time we learned to dissociate from pain, because we thought it was so overwhelming.

I think the key to unlocking your emotions again is to find new and constructive (rather than destructive) ways of dealing with emotion.

Basically we wecome terrified of our emotions, that we cannot control them, that we are not allowed to express them that we completely shut them down and act as though they don't exist.

If you do that then you cut yourself off from the very source of live and its no wonder you doubt your own existence.


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## Mollusk (Nov 12, 2005)

Very good insight into dp. I don't think anyone has put it so clearly. It makes so much sense, but the hard part is doing something about it. I think you are dead on about courage. I hope your words can inspire myself and others to start facing what has been repressed.



theatreSpell said:


> i just want to know that there's one reality, not a number of split ones.


This really rang true to me. I often feel that my life is now made up of random fractured realities. I am just hopping from one to another and mostly forgetting each as i go. There is no sense of wholeness or oness to my life and reality.


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

Hello Theatre,

I found this a very positive post, and just wanted other members you have just joined to see it also.

Bailee


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## clm72 (Sep 12, 2007)

Hello everyone, I am new to the forum. I just started here because this is the first page I came to from the search engine. My Therapist says I have DP/DR, and my Doctor agreed after she heard that my Therapist did. I have had Anxiety since 1990, I was free of it until 3 months ago. Then the hell started. I have never experienced DP/DR like this, EVER. It has been over a month and half, I cannot get it to go away. I am scared to death of it. My family and friends, the world as I know it has seemed to disappear.  
My Doctor wants me to take Lexapro, does it help? Being med phobic doesn't help either. I read somewhere that medication doesn't usually help, I am unsure if that information is right. I also can't accept that it is from Anxiety. I go on daily thinking it is a brain tumor or MS, etc. I am kind of afraid to read the causes on this site for it because of those reasons. 
My insurance denied an MRI, but I still think I need one. My Therapist says Relaxation exercises, etc. helps too. 
Has anyone found anything to help at all? I feel like I can't think right sometimes, that scares me too. Looking at my daughters and not feeling connected tears me apart. Someone please help! I am so beyond frustrated, is there life after DP? If I learn to accept it for what it is, will that help me get through it?

Also, when I take a Xanax, which isn't often, it takes away the anxiety, but the DP feelings seem to still be there, is that normal?

Clm72


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## Guest (Sep 13, 2007)

Never give up, u will get well again, ur not even close to as lost as I am, maybe just 10% compared and I've got out from it just a few days ago almost but then fell back and in 5 days I've almost managed to kill myself completely and feel worse than ever.

My advice: GET OUT, let it go, go on into life/reality again, you will be healthy again...

DPDR is easy to beat most people beat it in weeks actually I think the ones who get stuck with it is because we suffer OCD.
Or get caught up in the vicious cycle of DPDR - anxiety / thoughts - DPDR - anxiety thoughts - DPDR and keep it so long.
But it can be broken, trust me, your not even close to finished.... U can go back to life no problem...

Goodluck, bye


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## twitchingbird (Aug 1, 2007)

Thank you. That post was really helpful. It was nicely written as well.


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## clm72 (Sep 12, 2007)

Thanks for the response, I am getting so lost in it. I don't know the first step to take to get out of it, or trust me I would. It affects every aspect of my every day world. It has been 2 months 24/7 just about. My head is throbbing, I am scared. I have tried breathing, relaxation, Xanax, which takes my anxiety away but not the DPDR.

Clm72


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey,

I am 19 and have had DP/DR for 7 months straight. Dropped out of school, lost my friends, become very suicidal, and rarely leave the house. I have been to every doctor there is and tried more than 15 medications. None have helped, none have done anything. Xanex, Lexapro, Lamictal. I am in the same boat you are in. Please someone help. Where do we go from here. What can we do? Please


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