# I read: You don't get the old you back. You grow into a new you that you like.



## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

This has been a big dilemma in my head for the past year and more, and still is today.

A big part of me is resisting the new state I got to (after "DP") and trying to get back to the old me by resistance and ignoring patterns, while another part is trying to learn and store new things and have a new way of being that I could like.

The reason why a big part of me is still resisting and trying to get the old me back is the fact that going back to the old me is a HUGE shortcut to confidence, know how and happiness. Whilst letting go and developing a new confidence and new experiences to shape a new me will take SO MUCH time, and leave me most of the times confused in the moment not knowing what to do, like a person who is doing things for the first time again.

Growing into a new me seems exciting and freeing from all the resistance I am doing which is really exhausting (I am even doing it right now to write different point of views, lol). Growing into a new you is a chance to believe things you want to believe and remove the negative things you believed in the old you. However as I said I am not able to fully embrace this idea because it leaves me most of the times lost, with almost no purpose or at least by now not knowing who I am and what to do as much as before. It definitely has developed and things stopped looking scary and confusing like before (this is why this post is in on the road to the recovery), but it is very beginner and call it immature compared to the old me... The indifference makes up a little bit for the confidence, if you know what I mean, except for the times where you really need your CONFIDENCE (which are a lot if you're trying to recover and get your life back).

I am tired honestly being stuck in this dilemma, and I know if I decide now to just let go of resistance I will be happy for a couple of hours, then I will feel too unstable and get back to it. But the main thing I am sure about, is to STOP yourself from going delusional and from becoming a slave to your misleading emotions in the moment; if you feel too happy or too sad or too indifferent or too scared, STOP, and try to get your logic straight - even if they are delusional good emotions, you need to stop all polar emotions to get more control.

What are your comments on this clear (IMO) topic. Any relating? Any advice? Any questions?


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

You're describing beginner's anxiety. One must accept that feeling in order to experience any kind of growth or evolution. It is temporary. One has to tell oneself that it's ok to feel vulnerable while experimenting with new ways of being and barrel through anyway.

The truth is that our "old us" sucked. Our "old us" were dysfunctional. This is why we got DP. This is why any kind of permanent overcoming of DP depends on finding the new us.


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## Parachutes333 (Dec 13, 2010)

The past and future are just thoughts/concepts/memories. All you really have is now. As the proverb says, tomorrow never comes. Often our mind creates identities of ourselves, the world, our situations but truly these things arent actually our reality but just our perception which we confuse for actual reality. So its how we define ourselves. Are we a victim of the world, or are we the world? You are always You, and that will never change


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## Guest (Jun 3, 2014)

I agree. When I wrote about my life I realized Im still the same exact person I was before I got DP. DP doesn't change shit.


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## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

Actually guys, the old me was developed and very confident and stable, but I had no experience with philosophical teachings and what they really meant, until I went in depth through them.

The idea that parachute is describing is the exact same idea that GOT me my DP, that it's all thoughts and all you have is now.

The surface of this idea can be appealing, but really embracing it like I did without knowing the consequences was detrimental to me and got me my DP. It basically says that you are not who you think you are, that your thoughts are not yours, that it's all a delusion and all just in your head, until you get DP, lol.

After my experiences I came to realize that a big part of you is in your mind, because your experiences and memories shape who you are and differentiate you from other people. You are the CONTROLLABLE thoughts in your mind. Not the extreme saying that you are all the thoughts in your head, and not the other extreme saying to get rid of your mind and be in the now like most animals are instinctively.


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## Parachutes333 (Dec 13, 2010)

JJ123D said:


> Actually guys, the old me was developed and very confident and stable, but I had no experience with philosophical teachings and what they really meant, until I went in depth through them.
> 
> The idea that parachute is describing is the exact same idea that GOT me my DP, that it's all thoughts and all you have is now.
> 
> ...


What you are saying makes sense too. Thoughts and memories are beautiful as who we are but it can also become a dysfunction. A habitual worry. and it makes no sense being afraid for nothing... So how bout between the two extremes?


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## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

Yea of course the balance. It's easier said than done... That's what I am struggling through to rebuild. But my question was about regaining balance or developing a new balance.


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

I don't buy it for a second. I keep hearing this "everything was great until I took a hit of ecstacy/started reading philosophy/insert any other trigger but not cause."

That kind of talk just tells me you're not quite ready to go deep and discover the underlying issues.


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## 23rddr (Jun 3, 2014)

How I am looking at this whole experience is that my brain is taking time off from things it didn't like me doing. I don't do drugs but I battle with depression and anxiety and constant stress. So when I get over this and I WILL, II have to take this seriously and try to manage my depression and anxiety better. This whole thing, depersonalization, is a wake up call. If you thought you were a good person and everything was going great and you got this from drugs, than your delusional because drugs are anti-life. Drugs take away life and I don't care if there are people out there who do it everyday and are fine, everyone has a different tolerance period. Use this whole experience as building a better person than you were before and you don't have to completely change from the old you, except the negative things, and just be smarter and more aware of life in general. Meaning, eat healthy daily, exercise, have a positive attitude, and maintain your stress levels better. Because that is exactly have I am looking at this. I will never go through this bullshit ever again. Because I will be smarter about the triggers from now on for the rest of my life.


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## mckenzie (Jan 7, 2014)

I hung onto the old me for a long time, then as I learnt more about my problems and what was causing them I began to slowly become a 'new person'. It was very hard at first because all my ideas about life were tied up in that person. Now I don't see myself as a different person, just someone who has grown and changed. When I got DP I kept trying to 'go back' to the person I was before it happened. But I eventually realized that I had to change to get better, and if I didn't change I would just stay stuck. I am glad I did, because the 'old me' was really just my thoughts and beliefs that were causing me trouble. Now I feel like I'm being who I was 'meant' to be, and DP was kind of like the alarm bell saying how far off track I had gone.


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## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

Haumea no one asked you to buy it. Go buy ice cream.

Mickenzie I don't think that there is a version of you that you need to be, or that is really you. What happened is that you were a blank page when you were born, and it got filled, with thoughts and beliefs and what made you how you were. Then you got DP, and the page kind of went blank again, and now it's getting filled again. That's what's happening. You can make it better if that's what you are deciding to do, and you can make it worse. It's not like oh I found who I truly am. Circumstances make you change to become the most comfortable you can become with time.

For example right now I decided to train to become a fighter (because I am getting into a lot of trouble from lack of self control and lower self-confidence and esteem than before). So if I become a fighter and become more comfortable, is that who I really am? Yes but it is who I became, like it was who I really am before DP also.


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## Mimoza (Sep 7, 2017)

JJ123D Im passing throug the same thing u have passed ( low self esteem, lack of confiance, ma social life coing worst..) all that happen since i felt recovered since 7 months and i ask the same question : shold i Be a fighter or i shold wait m'y old self (confident) to came back by it self , i need ur advice .


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## Nadosa (Sep 9, 2017)

My life is a absolutely Chaos after DPDR, it left me empty, and I suffer even more than during DPDR. I dont know what to do anymore, the last months were filled by intrusive thoughts, I even panicked about suicidal thoughts and I developped fucking time anxiety, like every day is passing in a minute. I felt a strong resistance and I suffered so hard that my mind just shut off all my emotions, whether they are positive or negative. Seriously I am done, the joy of being recovered was replaced by a strong suffering. It is my old me that suffers? I dont know what to do anymore.


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## Mimoza (Sep 7, 2017)

Hi Nadosa dont worry i feel the same and my happiness of recovery Had replacéd by a huge social anxiety that destroyers ma life more that the DP/dr did .so i think we shold Be less pessimist cause I think thats a common sideffect of recovery from dp we have to be brave despite of this hopeless feeling. me it take 7 months till now, its the real yes but very anxious and very depressed with 0 self esteem and huge emptiness.


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## Nadosa (Sep 9, 2017)

Nice to see that I am not alone. IT is a really tough time... Dont know how long I can take this shit. It's like the burden gets bigger and bigger every day. I worry much about the blurr DPDR has left in my memories. I thought I had it all figured out, but now I am utterly desperate.


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