# i'm a newbie



## cass226 (Sep 8, 2006)

hi guys. i just joined this forum a few days ago when i was browsing about the net looking up my symptoms. i've currently been seeing a psych for about 2 years. i've been on so many med cocktails i can't remember. current, i take 300mg lamictal, 450 mg wellbutrin xl, 400 mg seroquel and xanax as needed. i keep telling her that i don't feel that different. that i can't concentrate, and any emotions at all that i might feel are either rage or hurt. i try to stay in the middle so i don't brush on either one. she thinks i'm still depressed, and ofcourse bipolar 1. i can agree with both of those, however, my concentration is still shot, i can't sleep and i seem not to care about anything. i go through my days in routine and never really see or say anything that i FEEL. 
my mom died 10 years ago, and while i can say that, if i really SAY it, i feel the pain. but otherwise it's just apassing comment. i had no idea what was wrong with me until i found this site, and after reasing various entries, i could sit here and cry because finally SOMEONE is putting into words what i have not been able to convey. i have this facade that i am happy and i love what i do, when in my inside reality drifts off so i don't let myself realize i am miserable. i feel my insides fighting with one another to decide if i let things through at some point, and it seems the good one never wins. i printed the article at the home page out and highlihgted parts for my doc, i see her the 20th. it's hard enough trying to fit my puzzled fragments together being bipolar, much less this. i just feel as if i've done and am doing what everyone has wanted me to do, and am just functioning, nothing more, nothing less. i want out of this haze and want to be able to feel something other than anger. 
as long as i can remember, i've been this way. i've shut out harsh reality and just give it to myself in small doses. i always compare myself to a duck, you see me calm and collected on the surface, but if you look hidden in the water, my little feet are just working away to keep me afloat, but that's kept from the people around me. 
this has made me ver yrarely go new places, i have my comfort zone. i barely venture out of that. i've just figured this out a few days ago and i really don't know where to start to try to put me back together again, inside and out. suggestions for a rookie?
love
cass


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## californian (Jul 24, 2006)

there are a lot of things you can do. printing the page off and taking it to your therapist is a good start. i would also see if you can get ahold of dr simeon's book "feeling unreal." it has suggestions of therapy that help with depersonalization. it also helps you better understand what is happening to you...

also, get lots of sleep and exercise and eat well. keep browsing this site and you'll find lots of different options that help different people.

most of all, never give up hope...


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## cass226 (Sep 8, 2006)

i went to my doc yesterday, and i had printed all the stuff on the home page out for her, and highlighted parts that i truly felt (or i guess lacked there of) and she said that i couldn't have this becuase i would have a higher anxiety level than i do. i'm not sure if i should get a second opinion. i mean, i know i'm depressed. i couldn'te ven talk to her without crying and she said i looked so sad talking to her. i tried to tell her nothing i have seems real, but she said ijust don't want to accept the good things that i accomplish or have in life. i'm not sure what i should do?


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## californian (Jul 24, 2006)

i would definitely get a second opinion. dr simeon states that many dpd sufferers ARE highly anxious, but that a significant number ARE NOT. some express no anxiety AT ALL.

this is NOT a sufficient reason to say that someone does not have dpd.

try getting your hands on dr simeon's book. it will give you more detailed and authoritative ammunition when you go back to your doc.


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## californian (Jul 24, 2006)

cass226 said:


> i tried to tell her nothing i have seems real, but she said ijust don't want to accept the good things that i accomplish or have in life. i'm not sure what i should do?


that, quite frankly, sound like a bunch of nonsense. "nothing seems real because you don't want to accept the good things" is similar to the kind of crap i was told when i was originally misdiagnosed with depression. try and find someone who actually knows what dpd is, and again, try and find a copy of dr simeon's book (maybe you could check it out at a library?).


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