# Benzo= flashbacks



## York

As some of you know, flashbacks and intrusive memories have been a big one for me. Day in, day out, 10-15 a day, sucking me in and leaving me wondering if I'm twelve or 30.

Well, guess what, after I cut back on benzo's I don't have them! I mean 100% gone! It's all very new, so I can only hope it lasts.

I got a lot of anxiety from cutting back, so I actually went back to my full dosage for a week+ . It took me the whole week to realize I was feeling like crap again, and I mean seriously bad, and that the memory-thing were back. 
I've only cut back for three days now, and as I said, the effect was instant. Can you believe it?? Two years of debilitating flashbacks, everyone told me it was my traumas and blah blah.

I so hope I'm not imagining this


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## Livingthenightmare

york said:


> As some of you know, flashbacks and intrusive memories have been a big one for me. Day in, day out, 10-15 a day, sucking me in and leaving me wondering if I'm twelve or 30.
> 
> Well, guess what, after I cut back on benzo's I don't have them! I mean 100% gone! It's all very new, so I can only hope it lasts.
> 
> I got a lot of anxiety from cutting back, so I actually went back to my full dosage for a week+ . It took me the whole week to realize I was feeling like crap again, and I mean seriously bad, and that the memory-thing were back.
> I've only cut back for three days now, and as I said, the effect was instant. Can you believe it?? Two years of debilitating flashbacks, everyone told me it was my traumas and blah blah.
> 
> I so hope I'm not imagining this










Why would you take benzos to regain reality as this section is called ? Benzos are known to give DP, not cure it.


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## Surfingisfun001

Wow that is really interesting.


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## Visual

I always find it is important to adjust medication doses. At first I needed gobs of Gabapentin but after a little over a year, it started increasing a spaciness. So I just back off according to the benefit/side-effect ratio. Still taking it but only a third.

Similar with Klonopin - in about the same time frame it has gone down to nothing.

This is why I try to use pills that can be safely broken to smaller sizes (not XLs). So you can find the minimum effective dose and adjust over time as needed.


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## Guest

Livingthenightmare said:


> Why would you take benzos to regain reality as this section is called ? Benzos are known to give DP, not cure it.


I have to say, every single person responds to medications differently, I don't care what kind of medication it is.

For example, Wellbutrin gave me severe DP/DR. Increased my "normal" to an absolutely unbearable level where I cold turkeyed off of 200mg or so. I was furious as I later found it is more of a stimulant than an antidepressant. Stimulants increase my DP/DR from its normal level.

What has helped me? Klonopin (clonazepam) -- a benzo, but first marketed as an anticonvulsant in 1975. I've been on it for 23 years or so. It was the only thing that helped my chronic DP. I was near 30, and had this on and off since childhood, then chronic since my later teen years. I take 2mg, 3 times a day, and have never taken it as needed. I also take another anticonvulsant, but it is a mood stabilizer (though I'm not bipolar), Lamictal (lamotrigine), 200mg/day. Without these two meds, I would not be alive writing this to you. I would have taken my own life.

Before taking Klonopin and having a doctor willing to push it, I tried other benzos and for me they were like sugar pills. I did not take those "as needed" either. They are shorter acting. You take one and it leaves your system quite quickly and you go on a see-saw.

I once in a blue moon (2 times a year) take a Xanax (1mg) if I have a severe panic attack. I don't like the feeling, but it calms me down so I can breathe.

Each person is different. Benzos such as Valium, Ativan, Xanax, etc., etc. I tried them all and they did nothing for my anxiety or my DP/DR. Going off of them did not make me worse, but I went back to the DP/DR I had. I KNOW that if I ever withdraw from Klonopin it would probably take 2 years. But I won't go off of it unless I have to.

It keeps me alive.

What is dangerous is when people take these drugs "as needed" -- or if you have an awful reaction ... get off of the stuff.

WE ARE ALL UNIQUE. I USED TO BE ABLE TO TAKE 60 MG VALIUM AND FEEL NO DECREASE IN ANXIETY OR DP/DR ... JUST GET SLEEPY. USELESS. AND GOING OFF OF IT CAUSE NO PROBLEM.

I DO NOT RECOMMEND GOING COLD TURKEY OFF OF ANY MEDICATION UNLESS YOU ARE UNDER SUPERVISION, OR IF YOU HAVE A VERY SERIOUS REACTION TO IT. SPEAK TO A DOCTOR.

*AND NO DRUG IS A CURE. FOR ME IT IS NOT A CURE. I STILL HAVE CHRONIC DP/DR. BUT IT HELPS WITH THE QUALITY OF MY LIFE.*


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## ValleyGirl

Dreamer* said:


> I have to say, every single person responds to medications differently, I don't care what kind of medication it is.
> 
> For example, Wellbutrin gave me severe DP/DR. Increased my "normal" to an absolutely unbearable level where I cold turkeyed off of 200mg or so. I was furious as I later found it is more of a stimulant than an antidepressant. Stimulants increase my DP/DR from its normal level.
> 
> What has helped me? Klonopin (clonazepam) -- a benzo, but first marketed as an anticonvulsant in 1975. I've been on it for 23 years or so. It was the only thing that helped my chronic DP. I was near 30, and had this on and off since childhood, then chronic since my later teen years. I take 2mg, 3 times a day, and have never taken it as needed. I also take another anticonvulsant, but it is a mood stabilizer (though I'm not bipolar), Lamictal (lamotrigine), 200mg/day. Without these two meds, I would not be alive writing this to you. I would have taken my own life.
> 
> Before taking Klonopin and having a doctor willing to push it, I tried other benzos and for me they were like sugar pills. I did not take those "as needed" either. They are shorter acting. You take one and it leaves your system quite quickly and you go on a see-saw.
> 
> I once in a blue moon (2 times a year) take a Xanax (1mg) if I have a severe panic attack. I don't like the feeling, but it calms me down so I can breathe.
> 
> Each person is different. Benzos such as Valium, Ativan, Xanax, etc., etc. I tried them all and they did nothing for my anxiety or my DP/DR. Going off of them did not make me worse, but I went back to the DP/DR I had. I KNOW that if I ever withdraw from Klonopin it would probably take 2 years. But I won't go off of it unless I have to.
> 
> It keeps me alive.
> 
> What is dangerous is when people take these drugs "as needed" -- or if you have an awful reaction ... get off of the stuff.
> 
> WE ARE ALL UNIQUE. I USED TO BE ABLE TO TAKE 60 MG VALIUM AND FEEL NO DECREASE IN ANXIETY OR DP/DR ... JUST GET SLEEPY. USELESS. AND GOING OFF OF IT CAUSE NO PROBLEM.
> 
> I DO NOT RECOMMEND GOING COLD TURKEY OFF OF ANY MEDICATION UNLESS YOU ARE UNDER SUPERVISION, OR IF YOU HAVE A VERY SERIOUS REACTION TO IT. SPEAK TO A DOCTOR.
> 
> *AND NO DRUG IS A CURE. FOR ME IT IS NOT A CURE. I STILL HAVE CHRONIC DP/DR. BUT IT HELPS WITH THE QUALITY OF MY LIFE.*


We truly are all different. I was on Lamictal and had to wean off after 3 weeks because it caused me to have this severe overawareness of everything. Like I was so awe of my own thoughts and movements that I would have panic attacks every time I moved. So I had to lay perfectly still in the dark and not move. It was hell.

I also was on dosed klonopin and I came off of it in October. When on it, I swore that I would not have been able to live without it. Looking back, I see that it was actually causing worse dr and worse anxiety. I was anxious and scared all of the time taking it and would need to take more. Since coming off I feel like a million times less anxious. So, in me, the klonopin made we worse, not better.

York- That is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO awesome that coming down on the benzo made that go away. I know how miserable it made you and I am so glad that it gave you such relief!!


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## TheStarter

Livingthenightmare said:


> Why would you take benzos to regain reality as this section is called ? Benzos are known to give DP, not cure it.


Lets say DP/DR is a selfdefense mechanism of the brain, basicly to kill anxiety (if you got it from a panic attack)
Benzodiazepines work a bit like cocaine or heiroine, it makes you not care, takes away anxiety, so it can be helpfull if the benzodiazepine take the anxiety away thats causin some DP symptoms.

Get it ?


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## Guest

TheStarter said:


> Lets say DP/DR is a selfdefense mechanism of the brain, basicly to kill anxiety (if you got it from a panic attack)
> Benzodiazepines work a bit like cocaine or heiroine, it makes you not care, takes away anxiety, so it can be helpfull if the benzodiazepine take the anxiety away thats causin some DP symptoms.
> 
> Get it ?


Ummm. No they don't work like cocaine or heroin. My guess is if I tried cocaine I'd have the worst DP/DR of my life -- it's a heavy duty stimulant, keeps you up for days on end. Heroin ... I won't even go there. These are rec drugs that can destroy your life.

Benzos are anti-anxiety medications. And yes, the theory would be if you can calm the anxiety say of a panic attack, you can possibly stave off an episode of DP/DR that comes as a result of panic or increased anxiety. But for me, who had chronic DP/DR for years, Klonopin (a benzo) literally LIFTED some of the DP/DR (not all of it) so that I felt more "real" and felt like living again.

If these drugs are taken responsibly they can help someone with panic in the short term, or in my case, reduce the symptoms in the long term. But the only benzo that worked for me is Klonpin, and when I added Lamictal I was less "afraid" of the DP/DR.

I don't fear it. I have it all the time. It has taken away the joy in my life. But I am still alive. Because of klonopin, lamictal, and CBT mainly.


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## Livingthenightmare

TheStarter said:


> Lets say DP/DR is a selfdefense mechanism of the brain, basicly to kill anxiety (if you got it from a panic attack)
> Benzodiazepines work a bit like cocaine or heiroine, it makes you not care, takes away anxiety, so it can be helpfull if the benzodiazepine take the anxiety away thats causin some DP symptoms.
> 
> Get it ?


Yeah, I get it why people would wanna take it. I just wouldn't risk prolonging my DP just to relieve anxiety. I'd search for something that doesn't list DP as one of its side effects.

Unless a benzo actually made my DP go away I'd have panic attacks just thinking that taking it may prevent my recovering.


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## TheStarter

Dreamer* said:


> Ummm. No they don't work like cocaine or heroin. My guess is if I tried cocaine I'd have the worst DP/DR of my life -- it's a heavy duty stimulant, keeps you up for days on end. Heroin ... I won't even go there. These are rec drugs that can destroy your life.
> 
> Benzos are anti-anxiety medications. And yes, the theory would be if you can calm the anxiety say of a panic attack, you can possibly stave off an episode of DP/DR that comes as a result of panic or increased anxiety. But for me, who had chronic DP/DR for years, Klonopin (a benzo) literally LIFTED some of the DP/DR (not all of it) so that I felt more "real" and felt like living again.
> 
> If these drugs are taken responsibly they can help someone with panic in the short term, or in my case, reduce the symptoms in the long term. But the only benzo that worked for me is Klonpin, and when I added Lamictal I was less "afraid" of the DP/DR.
> 
> I don't fear it. I have it all the time. It has taken away the joy in my life. But I am still alive. Because of klonopin, lamictal, and CBT mainly.


No, benzo's and (any) harddrugs are totally different, but i was trying to state that benzo's give you (well atleast me) a feeling of not-caring in the sameway i got when i tried cocaine..


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## York

Hi guys. The flashbacks of memories and dreams are still better than ever. Meaning I don't have a lot of them.

Benzo's saved my life in the beginning of this, it actually took away the worst of my DP. I felt more like i had a self, and I was able to somewhat come out of a dream-state that was a step away from psychosis. I suffered symptoms way outside the ordinary anxiety experience, like feeling like I had no age or gender, and like I was in my mother's house from ten years back. It was like a dream, but I was awake in the dream. Scared me to death. There's no doubt in my mind I'd killed myself if I hadn't had the medication to help me cope.

Thing is, I never knew "intrusive memories" as they call it was a side-effect of benzo withdrawal, or that you can suffer withdrawal whilst still on the same amount of medication. Which is the clue here I guess. It's been fine until my body started to get tolerant of the drugs, and then I had the symptoms of getting off of them. You get what I'm saying.

I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place right now, I'm so anxious and have started getting panic attacks again. 
At the same time I just can't handle the memories and all that, so what do I do?


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## ValleyGirl

york said:


> Hi guys. The flashbacks of memories and dreams are still better than ever. Meaning I don't have a lot of them.
> 
> Benzo's saved my life in the beginning of this, it actually took away the worst of my DP. I felt more like i had a self, and I was able to somewhat come out of a dream-state that was a step away from psychosis. I suffered symptoms way outside the ordinary anxiety experience, like feeling like I had no age or gender, and like I was in my mother's house from ten years back. It was like a dream, but I was awake in the dream. Scared me to death. There's no doubt in my mind I'd killed myself if I hadn't had the medication to help me cope.
> 
> Thing is, I never knew "intrusive memories" as they call it was a side-effect of benzo withdrawal, or that you can suffer withdrawal whilst still on the same amount of medication. Which is the clue here I guess. It's been fine until my body started to get tolerant of the drugs, and then I had the symptoms of getting off of them. You get what I'm saying.
> 
> I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place right now, I'm so anxious and have started getting panic attacks again.
> At the same time I just can't handle the memories and all that, so what do I do?


I'd go back up to the dose you were on and start weaning off. I also had an increase of panic and axiety while weaning off of klonopin but I've been off since early october and never have panic attacks now. My dr has almost completely went away, I have more energy, I remember things better, I do not space out as much. All in all, I come to see now that the klonopin was actually making me worse. If you wean, be sure to go down 10% of your dose every 2 weeks. It's just enough to allow you to drop without feeling withdrawls.


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## York

I've gone back to taking 3/4, I'm already on a low dose.. Plan is to stay on that until spring at least. It's weird how much of an impact such small amounts have.. I feel like s#¤% every day, but I feel just a little more connected. Memory is def better.

What is your DR like? Do you feel like things become more familiar? I'm so sick of feeling like I've entered someone else's life








Anyone had that and got rid of it??


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