# My experience with dp/dr



## melbdp (Jul 20, 2016)

Hi guys, I've been reading just about every post on this site over the last 2 months and thought I'd finally post something. My DP/DR became chronic roughly 2 months ago. Fairly common story - I tried magic mushrooms, had a panic attack over how unreal I felt, and of course the unreal and detached feeling stuck with me. I also suffer from generalized anxiety disorders along with panic attacks. I had experienced feelings of DR in the past, but I never really thought much of it and it was always a fleeting sort of feeling that passed within a few minutes. Well, except for one weird experience on a cocktail of weed and other drugs which left me in a state of DR/DP for a day but I just attributed that to the drugs, and the feelings passed soon enough.

Anyway, after this trip I was thrown into a high anxiety period with university exams which I was really struggling to pass. And my anxiety and DR/DP feelings peaked around here and left me quite agoraphobic for a while but I managed to get myself out of this slump and try my best to get on with things regardless of how I felt. Fast forward about a month and a half from when I was at my worst and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel... I've stopped doing drugs, I'm eating healthy, I'm partaking in CBT, I'm exercising regularly, and I'm back at university when a month ago I really felt like I couldn't cope with it and was ready to drop out. However, I can't shake some of these feelings of DR/DP... Thankfully lately it's not as strong and I can actually forget about it, but sometimes I'll look around my surroundings and just feel overwhelmed with how surreal they feel, or I'll look in the mirror and question who I'm looking at. And the brainfog is horrible too, I used to be so mentally capable but now my cognitive ability feels like it's declined so much and I'm not sure whether to attribute this to previous drug use or to anxiety or DR/DP.

Sorry for the ranting, I've just never really spoken to anyone in detail about what's going on with my DP/DR and it feels good to finally post something to people who understand. One question I do have with this is, does it seem like I'm on a good path to recovery? Especially since it has been such a short period I've had it compared to some... and if I do recover, how do I keep it at bay so it doesn't return at the next instance of high anxiety?

Also, does anyone else get visual symptoms such as increased trailing (Ie when you move your hand in front of your face), slight visual snow and sore/dry eyes. I've considered HPPD but none of my symptoms are that severe and I don't see any morphing of objects, color confusion etc etc. So just wondering if these visual disturbances are within the realm of normal with anxiety and DR/DP

Thanks a lot guys and sorry for such a big read, and a big thanks to whoever stuck through and read this!


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## melbdp (Jul 20, 2016)

What sort of remaining symptoms do you have from the HPPD and what was it like when it was moderate? And how do you recommend reducing it? 
Thanks!


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

melbdp.....The best thing you can do if you start to feel better is reduce the stress levels in your life.....From work to family to relationships.....Stress (and it doesnt have to be extreme stress) is DPs best friend......Also i would suggest if you can you should sleep more.....Good quality sleep is very very important also


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Btw i can relate to all of your symptoms.....and have a very similar story....DP can cause concentration problems and hence make you feel like as you said you are loosing your cognitive ability.....My concentration can be very poor at times....You are not loosing your levels of intelligence....Its just DP interfering with your ability to focus on tasks you normally would find automatic......

Personally I have found that DP has basically ruined my multitasking abilities....


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## melbdp (Jul 20, 2016)

eddy1886 said:


> Btw i can relate to all of your symptoms.....and have a very similar story....DP can cause concentration problems and hence make you feel like as you said you are loosing your cognitive ability.....My concentration can be very poor at times....You are not loosing your levels of intelligence....Its just DP interfering with your ability to focus on tasks you normally would find automatic......
> 
> Personally I have found that DP has basically ruined my multitasking abilities....


It sucks doesn't it! DR/DP interfere with so many aspects of life it's such a damaging thing... and yes I do try to sleep a fair bit however I find I can easily oversleep which just leaves me groggy and unmotivated, I function better if I'm a bit sleep deprived (kind of weird hey). Hopefully one day we can beat this and look back at DP as just a distant memory. How long have you been suffering?


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Dont like scaring new people on here but ive had DP for over 20 years now


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## Guest (Jul 31, 2016)

I'm unfortunately a member of the 20 year club too.


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## Lexy13 (Jul 31, 2016)

I have lived with do on and off for my whole life. It does go away for me which gives me hope. But my latest bout has been a year and several months. It feels very debilitating and frustrating. 
I did not get it from smoking weed or shrooms. I got it from a disorganized childhood and from a mother who experienced the same problem. 
It does get very discouraging. I will say. Everything feels like it's a gray hue and there's a mechanicalness to life. Not a flow. 
I imagine a lot of ppl experiences are similar and it might even get redundant hearing, reading about it. But I want to share with other ppl esp since this condition can feel so alienating. 
Lex


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

"Everything feels like it's a gray hue and there's a mechanicalness to life. Not a flow"

Excellent observation...Can totally relate!


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## Lexy13 (Jul 31, 2016)

Sleeping is a very difficult thing to do. I take ambien and Xanax but there is a wakefulness or something that doesn't go away throughout the night. And then I drag myself through the day. 
I am seeing a therapist and she does seem very skilled. And yet the sleepless nights and the aimless days get hard. 
I know there is another way to live bc I have lived it. I liked to meet ppl. I enjoyed my job. But I won't say I didn't have a lot of anxiety about things. There was always a forbidding feeling that things would fall apart. 
My depersonalization is not from taking drugs. What I believe it is from is having a very dysfunctional and at times, threatening family life when I was young. 
Do other ppl have difficulty sleeping?


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

I have huge problems sleeping...In fact I would say I havent had a proper nights sleep since my DP first kicked in....I never ever wake up feeling rested....I believe even when I do sleep im experiencing anxiety in my sleep and in my dreams which disturbs my sleep patterns...


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## Lexy13 (Jul 31, 2016)

Today I feel fairly defeated myself. It's a beautiful day. I'm sitting on the train back to NYC but I feel exhausted and in a box that doesn't take in the outside world. It's very frustrating. I just saw my father too and he is so pompous about himself I imagined killing him. That's just a thought mind you. But it infuriates me that he talks about himself as a good father, with this air of superiority that I just get so mad. He was a terrible father who made me feel unsafe in the world. He frequently forgets my name and ... It's hard to describe. But he wasn't a supportive force.
I'm just feeling very discouraged today. And I'm sorry that someone has had dp for 20 years, yet in scares me too. I relate to the symptoms, the not focusing and feeling the lack of cognitive abilities, I relate. But I don't want to. And I want a way to feel free and whole again.


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## Lexy13 (Jul 31, 2016)

I have a lot of anxiety too. I'm always watchful that ppl are going to leave me and so I never feel calm enough to take in what's going on. It's a repeat of my relationship with my mother who left me as an infant. I think I spent time in a room behind a locked door. Just my brother and I, who is a year and a half younger. It was debating. But I don't want to feel this today as an adult. No don't want to feel like that scared little child. Amen.


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## Photogenic_Potato (Mar 16, 2016)

ASM said:


> Hi there, & welcome to the forum. You might have very mild HPPD on top of the DP/DR. I had moderate HPPD, but after many years it has faded & is mild now.


whats is "mild" to you?


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## Nevergiveup (Sep 10, 2016)

Hi Melbdp,

It is my first time doing postings on this site today. I have had DP/DR for many years and have just found a site that is really helping me and I hope it may help you anxietycentre.com

In a nutshell Jim Folk, the founder of the site, has an evidence based strategy to reduce stress response hyperstimulation and anxiety to get rid of DP and DR

Full access is about $9 US per month. After the last couple of months my DR is fading and his strategy is the only one that has ever worked for me after many years of DR

On a side note I tried a floatation tank last week to assist me in the calming process and found it had very significant results for me. Thaey are using it for PTSD and seems like another really good tool to use in addition to deep relaxation and meditation.

Anthony


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## Lexy67 (Sep 23, 2017)

I’m here to say that it comes and goes. I experienced a year hiatus, well 9 months, and I was celebratory. But then like a bad case of .. chicken pox, it came back. It’s goong on 6 months. But is very disheartening. Once it goes away, you just want it to stay away. Having to do battle every six months or so, is simply exhausting.


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## Lexy67 (Sep 23, 2017)

Hi 
I'm writing here like a diary. 
I got out today? I am out, but I feel very removed from the world and it makes me sad. 
I know ppl say 'we' should not focus on the negative .., i yet I feel myself feeling very disabled and disconnected. I long to feel myself and other ppl. And to feel productive. But that if not happening right now and it is my reality. 
I just saw a nanny pointing her finger at a girlf, maybe she is 7, and she repeatedly told the child to stop it. The little girl said 'you stop it," and they went on like this down the street. It wasn't clear what the nanny wanted the child to do, but the finger pointing she was doing was painful to watch.
Children are at the whim of their adult caregivers. It's not fair that some kids get the short end of the stick. I guess I commiserate. 
But my pain is unrelenting. I hope one day soon I feel btr. I feel connected and I feel alive. 
On nov 3rd.


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## Ringomoon (Aug 15, 2017)

Have you tried any meds? What caused your dp?


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## Lexy67 (Sep 23, 2017)

I think my dp is caused by an inadequate attachment to my mother or father. It's why I can't keep any ideas in my head. I just don't have object constancy. 
I have functioned in the past btr than I am now. If I can't see things they don't exist. Even for a small amount of time. Like a few minutes. 
I don't see that on this website; that level of poor functioning. I think my duty suit is about poor development. 
I do take medication. But that doesn't change my dysfunction. I don't know how to get out of it now. And I'm very sadden by that. It's affecting my daily functioning. Like doing laundry and going out to buy food for myself. And I don't enjoy the things I used to enjoy: like going to theatre and the movies and bike riding. 
Do you suffer from dp? And if so, how does it seem?


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