# Brain Damage



## baking_pineapple (Apr 27, 2011)

Anyone here have brain damage or think they might but aren't sure? How would you know, especially if it is something subtle, like destroying your ability to feel, or have a self, or empathize with other people? What if what made you "you" was destroyed and now you're merely a ghost of who you were/could have been? How would you live your life?

These type of questions worry me a lot. Not sure there is even an answer for them but try if you think you may have some insight.


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## Realiity (Apr 26, 2009)

I think severe depression damaged my brain.


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Ok, so let's imagine this is brain damage or definitely permanent. I think there would be a number of steps to dealing with it. I think you need to establish a source of passive income (welfare / internet business), or work a job that does not bring you too much distress. Have a safe home environment with plenty of distractions. Set up a routine that allows you to survive your suffering - good food, nice bedroom, internet, video games. Ideally keep loved ones and friends in close proximity. Develop powerful coping skills (i recommend visual meditation). Then finally and most importantly, find some sort of meaning, whether it is writing about your experience or helping others or singing - just one thing that gives you some purpose and is leading towards an end goal. You can see progress towards this goal and realize despite the feeling of no-self, you are indeed creating something in the world.

This is essentially how I'm coping at this point, and although my life is painful - it is more under control in such controlled circumstances. As an alternative, I also think that some risk taking is warranted if you want to get some quick meaning or snap yourself into reality - if only for a quick moment.

That being said, this isn't particularly a life I desire to lead. However, I've realized at my lowest points that to even have this quality of life is a luxury.


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## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

I don't think it's damage in the sense of dead neurons. But I do think It's the breaking or changing of connections between neurons. The important thing is, these connections can repair given the right environment and amount of time, although they will never be exactly the same as before.


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## Guest (Aug 10, 2011)

I like Phoenixdown's post very much. I guess it's where I'm getting to -- "Radical Acceptance" as they call it, for any chronic disorder.

The word "brain damage" seems an awfully dramatic term though. I think of brain damage as actual physical damage from a head injury, stroke, tumor, or some genetic birth defect, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's. Things that fall strictly into the field of neurology ... though I believe psychiatry will ultimately be subsumed under neurology ... maybe within the next 10 years, IDK.

Psychiatric disorders have to do with disruption in mood/emotions, cognition, but say not in the same way as Parkinsons -- which is clearly a degenerative disorder involving loss of motor coordination and ultimately dementia.

IDK, chronic epilepsy can be degenerative and deadly for a percentage of those who have it as well.

I agree with the theory that what is wrong is not easy to treat -- schizophrenia and bipolar, etc. and yes, chronic DP/DR are devastating. And one can see differences in the brains of such individuals. But ... hmmm ... I see a problem with the circuitry ... the software and in some cases such as schizophrenia the hardware.

With DP/DR, this to me is a perceptual distortion. I don't know if you could look at my brain, dissect it, and see some specific morphological change or find a tumor or see some malformation -- although those with anxiety I think are seen to have a smaller amygdala -- but is that cause or effect of chronic anxiety? It has to be understood more in terms of PERCEPTION ... and lack of communication in neurons/synapses, whatever.

Does this make any sense.

Damage does imply, no hope, and yet the brain is malleable, we know of many who have remissions from DP/DR. It is a particular mystery.

But for example, would you call migraine "brain damage?"

Gah, just thinking allowed.

I am coming to accept my limitations, I'm tired of pretending to be mentally healthy, and doing the best. I have to do this with my mastectomy for cancer last year. It is hitting me hard. I am depressed over that, anxious about endless checkups. Angry at the way my body looks. But I have to accept it. I have to work around it. Or I could drown in despair.

Forgive the rant.

I guess the question is "is this permanent?" as Phoenix says. It has been for me for my entire life. And that is only MY experience. Personally as I've said many times, my mastectomy and cancer are easier to deal with than the DP/DR, anxiety. And the DP/DR have NOT gotten worse because of the fact that I am a cancer survivor. You would think it would. It hasn't.


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## Chelsea (Aug 10, 2011)

> These
> feelings of unreality occur when your mind tires of all the stress
> and worry, all the introspection and tuning in to how you feel. It
> then protects itself, with a kind of safety switch that shuts down
> ...


That's why we feel like our brain's damaged, I believe. It's not actually, it's just making you go through hell at the moment


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Unfortunately I disagree with the quote from above. Perhaps in some cases this is the result of stress and over protection, but I conceptualize it as the mind fucking up.. ie. a pathologic reaction or a malfunction. Regardless of how I interpret DP it remains absolutely excruciating. People need to start looking at the psychological literature and stop creating their own theories. Although I"m not suggesting to abandon faith in recovery I think it is useful to acknowledge that even top researchers are unsure of the cause and cure of this disorder.


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## Totally DP'D (Jun 8, 2011)

I can relate to the brain damage thing. I was DP'd for 20 odd years before I had a cycling accident. A car pulled out of a junction as I was free-wheeling down a hill. I couldn't stop in time and hit it (although I don't remember the impact) my head hit the road and I was unconscious for several minutes. A CT scan showed bleeding in my frontal lobes. My DR symptoms were incredibly magnified afterwards. A follow up CT scan several months later showed no evidence of any brain damage. That was 7 years ago. Nowadays
I have no way of telling how many of my symptoms are due to the pre-existing DP/DR or due to microscopic neuronal injuries. I'm due to see my GP soon to get some treatment for my DP/DR so maybe I can get some neuropsychiatric tests to see what the damage (if any) really is.


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## Ivan Hawk (Jan 22, 2010)

I've certainly had a lot of cases of physical trauma to the head, so that probably doesn't help. But I clearly remember some pretty abusive parenting too. As an early child, I was outspoken and naturally curious about everything - but most of my life I've gone through some pretty significant problems with anxiety, unexplainable mutism, heavy unusual discomfort and paranoia around people, ridiculous shifting into extreme unexplainable emotional states, etc. Basically had severe on/off depressive problems since 10 years ago (episodes lasting 3 days, week, weeks) and only had them really fall back and become less episodic the past 4 years now. I had no problems making friends, being myself, speaking to older figures. However, I remember not being as assertive around my mother because she never developed an inviting method of communication between us. Plus she's always had a hearing problem and blames others for not speaking loud enough instead of blaming her god forsaken self for not wearing a hearing aid...to this day. She was the only person who would criticize me heavily for not speaking loud enough or mumbling (which I clearly wasn't having issues with because no one else ever mentioned these problems). Things just go worse and my parents would fight pretty violently as well. And then she was also an alcoholic, while my father would just raise his voice and never form any real solutions or alternative attempts to real solutions to what was a chronic ongoing cycle of fighting that only grew worse. Instead of solving problems, they would blame them on each other or ignore most of the details out of fear or superstitious beliefs or other unwise and ridiculous reasons. Curiosity in actually creating solutions was discredited as unrealistic or even impossible. When things died down and they could communicate at a more neutral almost post-traumatic sounding level (never much of a caring tone ever), pessimistic philosophy was thrown all over the place. Bizzare certainties of all families being extremely dysfunctional and disorganized as a fact of life when I would go to friends houses and witness entirely different forms of communication and culture and family philosophies. People who actually boasted of desire to share their thoughts instead of feeling coerced into revealing the most lifeless and boring conversation with no personality.

None of us were perfect and we all had legitament problems on top of the unnecessary details. But I live in today, not in the past like that - for those days are already dead. That life is dead, the life now is one that is not very associate at all with it - but unfortunately paradoxically dissociated from many necessary aspects of the world now as well. To someone with DP/DR, this 'dissociation from necessary things in life' makes sense.


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