# CECIL



## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

Hi. I've been lurking here for a few months now, wondering if this is the right place for me, wondering if I actually have DP or if I was just making something up inside of my head and so on. Recently I finally decided to get some professional help and went to see a Jungian Analyst, which I must say has been helping a lot, though obviously it'll be a really long and hard road. So anyway, I'm now fairly certain that I do have at least a mild case of DP - I don't literally watch myself from a 3rd person perspective and I don't usually have any of the symptoms of DR (2D vision etc.), just constantly live in a state of non-connectedness, loneliness, emotionlessness. So this is my introduction and a bit of background story.

I have been depressed for quite a while now - I'm 22 and I can remember being depressed replete with suicidal thoughts since I was about 11. I also have some sort of anxiety problem, so I guess the two untreated eventually led me to here.

I don't remember exactly when I first got DP'ed. The first time I remember feeling it - or perhaps being aware of it, I'm not sure - was when I was 14 and smoked some pot. So it's possible this is drug-induced but as far as I remember the feeling subsided when I came down and obviously I was pretty screwed up before that anyway. I really only became aware of feeling DP when I was about 17 and since then it's just been a sort of constant hazy feeling as though I am not real, can't feel etc.

I first self-harmed when I was 14 and have done so on occaision since, though nothing incredibly drastic. I pretty much lived in the shadow of suicide from about 12 to 19 but have more or less decided against the idea now.

So that's my quick introduction. I hope to stick around and try to make some sense of myself by drawing on our collective experiences. Finding a site like this to offer some support is definately something I need too, so I thank you all in advance.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Hi Cecil,

Yeah, I hope you do stick around...both here and there. Even if you don't feel 100% dp/dr'd, there is still a good community here that share other problems such as anxiety and depression.

Hope to see you around. 
terri*


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## Guest (Jan 10, 2005)

Welcome Cecil,
I just wanted to say that I also did self-harm (cutting) for many years...it's often a component to the dp state - or as you said, for someone living in the "shadow" of suicide.

Glad you've chosen life and wish you much exciting learning in your analysis!

Peace,
Janine


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

Just felt like making a quick rant since this is the only way I can do it at the moment. I'm inter-state on holidays, staying with my sister and cousins. We are doing heaps of fun and exciting things, meeting lots of new and exciting people yet somehow and for some reason I can't seem to let myself go and just enjoy it. Instead I am feeling more and more like a burden/waste of space who shouldn't be here: I don't deserve to be breathing if I can't just relax and enjoy myself like everyone else can.


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

Thread necromancy for the win!

Was just reading over a few other posts and wanted to look back on where I've come from. Wow is all I have to say 

Also, I really do intend to update this with more details of my story. Someday :roll:


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## Guest (May 29, 2007)

You've come on a lot. You always seem to know what to say to members to ease their sorrow... goes to show when you can sympathize with their pain, you have a better chance of helping them feel better.


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

Empathise, not sympathise  Thanks


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## Guest (May 31, 2007)

I tend to get mixed up with the meaning of those words. Sorry.



CECIL said:


> Empathise, not sympathise  Thanks


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

Sympathising is when you feel sorry for someone - you pity them. The result is that they feel justified as a victim. It disempowers people.

Empathising is when you connect to their pain and acknowledge it, but you don't feel sorry them. You acknowledge that they are in pain but are capable of dealing with that pain. It empowers people.

The more you know


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## Guest (Jun 1, 2007)

Spank you.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Yeah, that's good advice.

Congrats on whatever you've learned Cecil, I too feel this site's been helpful for me on the path. (hugz)


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