# hell



## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Take everything with a grain of salt. I'm probably gonna come off as a crude asshole to anyone who reads this, but I can live with that. This is more meant to be a vent / therapeutic exercise than any rational points, and I'm also aware that it is extremely self-indulgent. However to me, getting this stuff off my chest feels good. I am always trying to express myself well, and I appreciate everyone here who does the same. I love the exchange of ideas and the sense of hope we are creating amongst ourselves. But, sometimes this whole situation just gets to me, so here is the first of many rants. I encourage you guys to maybe knock something like this out when you are feeling frustrated. Anyway, without further ado......

I think we're in hell. It's funny to me now. When I really think about DP it's like being in hell. What a shitty way for things to end up.

If i ever recover I can't imagine complaining about anything ever again. Really, I don't see it. There is nothing remotely as horrible as this condition that I have encountered in my life. Like, think about the effort it takes to become a doctor.. 10 years of intense study or something. I'm sure it's easier to become a doctor than to live 10 years with DP. When you are healthy you can accomplish anything. Fucking anything. Fuck people that don't have DP or serious health issues that complain.

How can a mistake so small like a drug trip ruin your life? Fucking piece of shit mind. Fucking garbage... assholes can smash there minds up for years on drugs and not feel as bad as I do.

Fuck psychiatrists who don't know shit about this condition. Fuck people dismissing how bad this could be. Fuck being prescribed drugs that just mess you up more. Fuck there being no funding for DP. Fuck having this shit for life when it sucks to have it for a day. Fuck having headaches that accompany DP.

Fuck people not trying to understand or learn about this condition. Fuck losing all of my potential in an instant. Fuck trying recovery techniques and none of them working. Fuck not drinking coffee for 5 months and then feeling better when I drank it. Fuck all the psychological reports than offer no hope. Fuck all the shitty scam programs on the internet that claim they have a cure. Fuck DP for ruining people's lives.

FUCKKK! What the fuck! I want to eradicate this plague from the Earth. I never want another human to experience this shit every again.


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## ProphetEdison (Apr 10, 2011)

PhoenixDown said:


> Take everything with a grain of salt. I'm probably gonna come off as a crude asshole to anyone who reads this, but I can live with that. This is more meant to be a vent / therapeutic exercise than any rational points, and I'm also aware that it is extremely self-indulgent. However to me, getting this stuff off my chest feels good. I am always trying to express myself well, and I appreciate everyone here who does the same. I love the exchange of ideas and the sense of hope we are creating amongst ourselves. But, sometimes this whole situation just gets to me, so here is the first of many rants. I encourage you guys to maybe knock something like this out when you are feeling frustrated. Anyway, without further ado......
> 
> I think we're in hell. It's funny to me now. When I really think about DP it's like being in hell. What a shitty way for things to end up.
> 
> ...


*warning for profanity*
Yeah I agree, and fuck little bitches cryin bout how their life sucks because some little shit went wrong. Motherfuck this condition and motherfuck everyone who doesnt know SHIT about it .FUCK you DP, if you were a person damn i'd like to meet you 1v1!

But keep your head up, we in this together! Peace


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

This is the best post I have ever read on here.


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## Tommyboy (Jul 20, 2011)

Great post! Sometimes it feels good to say fuck it all and fuck eveyone saying it will be ok and fuck the doctors and psychiatrists thinking they know whats wrong. Fuccccccckkkkk it allllll!!!!

I'd also recommend screaming at the top of your lungs to let you frustration out. I did it the other week and it felt so good. I was suprised how loud and angry it came out, like a true primal scream(I did it in my car with the radio on and no one around.lol)


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## Annahit (Sep 26, 2011)

You are so fucking right!

I live with this shit for 10 years now and to be honest I cannot imagine that it will ever go away again but I start learning to accept it and to somehow live with it - what to do!

It's funny how much your thoughts sound familiar to me, I'm also thinking very often "If this would only go away one day, I could handle EVERYTHING easily, I would never percieve anything as a problem again because THIS is the fucking biggest problem you can have in your live!"

But I know also that thoughts like that are stopping you from getting healed because as long as you are fighting it and are not able to totally accept it, it will keep on sticking to your ass







What I understood so far is that you body or your mind or whatever just wants to protect you from some extreme mental stress wether you are aware of it or not. Fighting it, worrying and ruminating about it will only cause more stress and make your inner "bodyguard" think that 
you still need him. It's a vicious circle...

Nevertheless, today I am a happy person cause I found this forum


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## Clark (Jan 18, 2011)

Fuck fuck fuck shit, yah its hell and nobody understands, it is so fucking painful. thanks man.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

I agree 100000000000000000000000000000000%


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

One drug trip ruined your life, people still do not get it. There *are* very good and valid reasons drugs are illegal.

I don't think anyhing you said was off the wall or anything


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## mynamewasGarjon (Jan 20, 2012)

PhoenixDown said:


> Take everything with a grain of salt. I'm probably gonna come off as a crude asshole to anyone who reads this, but I can live with that. This is more meant to be a vent / therapeutic exercise than any rational points, and I'm also aware that it is extremely self-indulgent. However to me, getting this stuff off my chest feels good. I am always trying to express myself well, and I appreciate everyone here who does the same. I love the exchange of ideas and the sense of hope we are creating amongst ourselves. But, sometimes this whole situation just gets to me, so here is the first of many rants. I encourage you guys to maybe knock something like this out when you are feeling frustrated. Anyway, without further ado......
> 
> I think we're in hell. It's funny to me now. When I really think about DP it's like being in hell. What a shitty way for things to end up.
> 
> ...


Could have written that myself..my experiences line up exactly with yours. However, over time i've been fortunate that i've learned to cope with this shitty way of life. I can only think of one thing that I would tell anyone on this site as advice, and that is..we are always stuck in our minds and our life situations..if you can break out of that even for a little bit..sometimes things can really change. I took a trip out west and drove across country. That trip changed my life and my DP has never been as bad since although I have my days and weeks..things can feel better even if only for a short while. All the best,

Michael.


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