# Fear of going out - cause I might disappear



## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

Hi Everyone,

I've posted before about this, but I'm having trouble so I thought I'd reach out once again. I have issues with agoraphobia and going out alone. I'm currently only driving about a 15 mile radius from home by myself. I don't like going into stores alone because I'm afraid of freaking out. So I usually only do 1 or 2 errands at once and I don't like it. Sometimes when I'm driving, I feel like I'm going to merge into everything around me or else disappear completely. I feel like someone else is holding the remote control and at any moment they can push the pause or stop botton on my life. I'm hyperaware of my surroundings and feel like I'm crawling in my skin most of the time. So all of this makes me afraid to be alone out int he world. I feel unsafe and afraid that if I lose it out there, nobody will help me and I'll just be lost in a mess of craziness. I'd love to see many places in the world, but travel far from home scares me because being in unfamiliar places makes dp worse for me. Any other hermits out there? Does dp/dr also cause issues with agoraphobia for you?


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## somachinaski87 (Jan 15, 2011)

Sounds a lot like me. But you MUST still try to go out as much as possible. The fear breeds fear which breeds depersonalisation which then breeds more fear. Also I find it helps if you tell yourself how no matter how long you have felt like this no physical harm has ever came to you and when you get home I presume you feel ok? Home is no different to a shopping centre. In your mind you have your home as a safe place but you are no safer there than you are anywhere else. You are safe wherever you go. If you do dissociate when you are out in public just try to ride it out and stay as long as possible. I find the more you retreat from it the harder it is to go places. I wish I could follow my own advice on this because lately I have been pretty badly agorophobic but will still force myself to leave the house and stay as long as possible. I find the more you face the fear the less fear you get. Hope this helps somewhat


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## hurricane12 (May 22, 2008)

just keep going out till your mind gets use to it its good for your brain
it can help you in the long run i always feel better when i go out even though 
it looks ugly outside i feel more like im a part of society.

try going out to new places more no matter how bad you feel in time youll start to feel better, give it awhile.


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## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

betty said:


> This could have been written by me


thanks for letting me know betty.. makes me feel less alone.


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## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

somachinaski87 said:


> Sounds a lot like me. But you MUST still try to go out as much as possible. The fear breeds fear which breeds depersonalisation which then breeds more fear. Also I find it helps if you tell yourself how no matter how long you have felt like this no physical harm has ever came to you and when you get home I presume you feel ok? Home is no different to a shopping centre. In your mind you have your home as a safe place but you are no safer there than you are anywhere else. You are safe wherever you go. If you do dissociate when you are out in public just try to ride it out and stay as long as possible. I find the more you retreat from it the harder it is to go places. I wish I could follow my own advice on this because lately I have been pretty badly agorophobic but will still force myself to leave the house and stay as long as possible. I find the more you face the fear the less fear you get. Hope this helps somewhat


i agree so much. thanks for posting. i try to get out every day, but i get frusterated alot.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

feministcat said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> I've posted before about this, but I'm having trouble so I thought I'd reach out once again. I have issues with agoraphobia and going out alone. I'm currently only driving about a 15 mile radius from home by myself. I don't like going into stores alone because I'm afraid of freaking out. So I usually only do 1 or 2 errands at once and I don't like it. Sometimes when I'm driving, I feel like I'm going to merge into everything around me or else disappear completely. I feel like someone else is holding the remote control and at any moment they can push the pause or stop botton on my life. I'm hyperaware of my surroundings and feel like I'm crawling in my skin most of the time. So all of this makes me afraid to be alone out int he world. I feel unsafe and afraid that if I lose it out there, nobody will help me and I'll just be lost in a mess of craziness. I'd love to see many places in the world, but travel far from home scares me because being in unfamiliar places makes dp worse for me. Any other hermits out there? Does dp/dr also cause issues with agoraphobia for you?


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Hi feministcat,

Your post really resonated with me because when my dp is at it's worse, I have felt exactly as you've described, like I am about to disappear or merge into my surroundings. I don't think anything more hellish exists in the realm of human experience. I was very agoraphobic at one point but did my best to cope, forcing myself to leave the house and dealing with the feeling like you're going to disappear sensation which would inevitably come up. I lived in the city when my dp was at it's worse. Tall buildings and big wide streets of traffic definitely exacerbated it. I found that it has gotten better as I've gotten older because I have more perspective about life and I have realized that I need to take care of myself physically (getting enough rest) and mentally (doing things in life that I have a passion for and keeping myself very very distracted as well as staying away from abusive/negative people) because these are the things that trigger it..


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## Paniclissx (Feb 2, 2012)

Yes! I've had this a lot recently ! Alongside feeling like I'm literally gripping on to reality with the tips of my fingers, I feel like everything's gonna stop any second and I'm gonna lose it and myself both physically and mentally


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## kiki (Mar 20, 2012)

I just never go outside because everything feels false and it's an uncomfortable sensation, and when you're not connected to anything there's just no point. I don't know if I'm making this worse by just staying in my home and never leaving, I've been like this for years. Is it important to still go outside anyway?


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## Paniclissx (Feb 2, 2012)

As scary as it is , I find that once I do it I feel better, it's just soo hard to do it. Some days it helps me to go out and other days it really doesnt and I'm just better off stayin inside. Just give it a go but set yourself small goals like walking to the corner of your street or just driving round the block or nipping to your local shop, don't set yourself tasks too high cause chances are it will be too much and you will fail


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## Absent (Oct 16, 2004)

Hi feministcat.

I've spent much of the last years trying to maintain local trips after more than ten years of not being able to go out except rare escorted trips. My DP/DR doesn't improve with trying -in fact it gets aggravated - but I try to find a balance between not making it worse and not staying in so much that thoughts get disturbing, with the world more remote. Even with little perception, it makes a difference on some level to at least have something else going on in the vague, derealized surroundings. What I can do is to get better at ignoring the discomfort of being out when 'not there' and I practice that most days. I walk slowly and talk to myself- stuff it if I look funny! It is a huge challenge to put my DP body in a DR world and get home again. So&#8230;. much sympathy&#8230;.. you're doing well.

I did manage eventually to get some support with getting about. I always have to explain DP (used to that). Some people will be good about it, others annoyingly react as though I'm just anxious, unconfident etc (grrrrrr) instead of it being trying to tell where I am and what's happening around me with severe DPD. Like you I'd like to travel the world but right now I'm pleased to be managing a few places locally. I do need it. These days I'm a partial hermit.


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