# Repressed emotions



## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

A lot of my problems originate from an ecstasy experience when I took too much in a dodgy club. It felt like I had no psychological defences and it was like all of the emotions and inadequacies I had ever repressed into my subconscious came flooding into my conscious mind and I couldn't cope, I looked into a mirror and it freaked me out seeing directly for the first time the dark side of my mind.

Looking back I realise that if I knew how to deal with emotions or had any knowledge of the dark side of me when this happened it could have been a positive transformative experience but unfortunately I did not know how to deal with the torrent of negative emotion so I tried to use the method I had been using throughout my life so I tried to control and repress and ignore the experience.

I think by denying the traumatic negative experience I have cut off all emotion as I feel like I am sort of still stuck in the experience but rather than feeling terrified by my own mind I am cut off from reality and dont really feel anything like I am not really here 

Sorry you probably dont want to hear my life story so I will get to my point, what I was wondering if anybody has any real advice as I feel like I know what is causing my problems : repressing emotions, denying the negative, being emotionally overcontrolled, not expressing myself enough. But how do I stop repressing emotions which I consciously know that I want to get in touch with and face? I can feel the tension in my body and neck which I think is my bodys way of controlling the repressed experience, but body techniques dont seem to have much effect.

I was thinking of reading about Freud and seeing if he could help but I just dont know if I work out that I have penis envy or am jealous of my dad or any of that Freudian rubbish it would actually help me feel any better.

How do you stop subconsciously resisting and repressing :?:


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## Lunar Lander (Feb 17, 2006)

I know from experience that sometimes I will get extremely anxious or have a panic attack and it seems like every thing I think about, I think negatively or worry about, or see in a dark light. That may have been similar to what you experienced. Later when I'm calmer I can see where my thoughts were biased to negativity due to anxiety and recognize how distorted that is. If you have some sort of negative thought that keeps nagging you unrealistically critical, worried, or hopeless and recognizing it as such. That's basically part of cognitive-behavioral therapy for depression or anxiety, and is outlined in books like _Feeling Good_ by David Burns.


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## Methusala (Dec 22, 2005)

Here are a few comments and ideas. I also have this 'repressed emotion' thing and often struggle with it. I have found that with me, the act of struggling itself is a kind of cover up for a couple even deeper issues-one is the 5 dissociation symptom types, the other is the unmourned and unrecognized losses that lead to the dissociation. When I touch on those two deeper things, the struggle disapears, but I usually run back to the struggle and make myself forget I ever went into those two areas, because they are exactely like being inches away from a 100 foot tidal wave and walking straight into it.

Some ideas-drum circles, music therapy, spirit dances (google for it), fishing in a gorge.

Some more ideas- 'Betrayal Trauma' by Jennifer Freyd. This book was a landmark that explained in peer reviewed science detail how the betrayal aspect of child abuse biologicaly causes damage to psychological integrity, on 2 major ways-'attachment to the perpetrator' and 'locus of control.'

Attachment to the perpetrator means gettign stuck in a repetitive yet active pattern of unbalanced admiration or unbalanced hatred towards an abuser that one was also dependent towards as a child. This pattern potentially keeps getting re-enacted later on.

'Locus of control' is magically thinking that one is responsible for and thus in control of being abused and not disconnected from the care of the abuser one was once dependent on as a child. Thus a circular thought pattern of 'I am bad, but if I do or be X, I am good and deserve care.'

I have bought into Dr Ross's explaination of how to heal these two damage areas-'mourn the loss of the parents one never had'-covered in 'The Trauma Model'-http://www.rossinst.com Another thing he says in this book is 'the problem isn't the problem.' For me, that is a key for the repressed emotion issue.

I believe my own repressd emotion struggles came mainly from neglect, that I am likely acting out this neglect in doing this struggle pattern. I know if I go into the tidal wave the pattern will stop. I am currently working towards hiring some lifeguards, building a raft and have a vision of a real nice harpoon gun for sharks.

M


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## freesong (Dec 26, 2005)

That's good stuff Meth. I was sexually abused by my father in a covert way for years and traumatized by his temper throughout my childhood. I married two alcoholic violent successful controlling men who abused me and I have often wondered why I stayed. I believe that we subconsciously try to correct the childhood relationships in the adult ones until we realize what we are doing. It is still difficult for me to choose healthy men as they often bore me. I am working on this at present. I will cause fights to push men away because I am afraid of intimacy with people who might abuse me later. I am sure that I have been repressing so much but I do still think that much of my problem is physiological as well. One of my friends who does dream therapy says that everyone needs to go through this dp stage to get to the next level. I am not sure what that level is but I have done alot of focused soul searching and thinking and learning during this time in ways that I might never have. I got some e-mail about going into the second cycle (whatever that is) and I do feel like this has been a dark tunnel that has brought me into a completely new awareness of life in many ways. I am ready to embark on the next part of the journey with more awareness and appreciation because of this time. That is the positive outcome of this horrible nightmare. I hope that I am able to continue with these good days more and more. I am having them consistently this week. I have gotten into the deep sleep and am good to go daily. I have added estrogen to the hormone part of my regimen and uh oh!!! I hope I am ready to pick a healthy one because I am good to go for the sex part again as well. I can only participate in that when I am in love and loved in return so I may have to wait a long time. Oh, well, at least I can enjoy a sunset and sing and hike and live again. It is awesome to be back. freesong ( just returned from a 5 mile hike and saw a family of deer and a hawk) Life is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Inflammed (Aug 10, 2004)

I actually see a pshychologist in a specialized mental hospital, and from her experience, she saw a bunch of people with DPDR they all had that in common,* repressed emotions *leading to a constant state of DPDR.

She told me it was the most probable answer to me as well, she completly eliminated anxiety and/or depression, saying that they were only results of my DPDR.

I've been trying to fight that anxiety for years, and no matter what I do, it still emerges sometimes, she said it's normal caus' it's not the *cause* of my feelings, but if I start to work on my emotions that should do the trick.

And a week after her telling me that, I can admit she's right caus' in fact my emotions are very intense and I don't really express them, like my old man, not talking, not expressing myself when something bothers me or when I'm in pain.

Time to get out that good old punching bag and crank my guitar amp to Overdrive... :twisted:

*
Haven't you ever felt the intense need to just scream so loud that you would fall to the ground ?*

That's repressed emotions.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Thanks for the replies they were all helpful. I have looked into cognitive behaviour therapy and I have tried to grasp cause and effect (although I am still struggling to fully understand it).



Methusala said:


> I have found that with me, the act of struggling itself is a kind of cover up for a couple even deeper issues-one is the 5 dissociation symptom types, the other is the unmourned and unrecognized losses that lead to the dissociation. When I touch on those two deeper things, the struggle disapears, but I usually run back to the struggle and make myself forget I ever went into those two areas, because they are exactely like being inches away from a 100 foot tidal wave and walking straight into it.


I have been thinking about this and it does seem like the struggle itself is perhaps preventing me from facing my problems, but how do I stop struggling? it sort of feels like giving up if I simply think there is nothing I can do to help myself except to stop thinking about it.



> I know if I go into the tidal wave the pattern will stop. I am currently working towards hiring some lifeguards, building a raft and have a vision of a real nice harpoon gun for sharks.


Sounds like a good plan  , im finding it hard to find where the tidal wave is at the moment, I really want to find it and confront it to see how bad it really is, but I expect my attitude may well change when it happens or I probably wouldnt need to dissociate to get away from it.

I was thinking about getting a punchbag seeing if I can work up some serious aggression, but I would probably need to attach a few photos of people to get really into it.

It all seems confusing to me though as doctors say that those people who get worked up easily and get caught up in emotional expression like anger end up having heart attacks early and dont have a good quality of emotional life as catharsis only makes you feel better in the short term at the expense of social relations; while those people who suppress their emotions end up either with psychological problems or cancer. Either way we are pretty screwed.


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## XBrave (Oct 28, 2016)

Inflammed said:


> Inflammed said:
> 
> 
> > *Haven't you ever felt the intense need to just scream so loud that you would fall to the ground ?*
> ...


yes. i have felt. and i do it sometimes. i scream n shout like hell.


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## nikosmar (Apr 21, 2017)

Pablo said:


> A lot of my problems originate from an ecstasy experience when I took too much in a dodgy club. It felt like I had no psychological defences and it was like all of the emotions and inadequacies I had ever repressed into my subconscious came flooding into my conscious mind and I couldn't cope, I looked into a mirror and it freaked me out seeing directly for the first time the dark side of my mind.
> 
> Looking back I realise that if I knew how to deal with emotions or had any knowledge of the dark side of me when this happened it could have been a positive transformative experience but unfortunately I did not know how to deal with the torrent of negative emotion so I tried to use the method I had been using throughout my life so I tried to control and repress and ignore the experience.
> 
> ...


Mate the next link has a free digital pdf book that has all the exercises you have to do in order to be capable slowly slowly to bear negative sensations feelings thoughts without escaping from your body It is the focus acceptance and commitment therapy ACT

https://emptymindchronicles.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/feeling-unreal-by-daphne-simeon.pdf

the book has a deliberately difficult vocabulary so insist if you find difficult to make the many writing exercises at least read it all so to have a initial general idea of the ideas and the attitude you must cultivate and you can improvise then.

I also had a surgery when i was 35 and when i woke up i was because of the anesthesia with all my muscles relaxed open to all this negative black side of my memories feelings that were suppressed and the experience was horrific.... i was feeling a suffocating panic like if i was being tortured hopeless in a dungeon for centuries  ....even when i opened my eyes finally for about 4-5 hours i was suffering and struggling to forget that dreadful experience. Even for the next few days i had to consciously delete that memory of experience


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## nikosmar (Apr 21, 2017)

heyLow said:


> yes. i have felt. and i do it sometimes. i scream n shout like hell.


Lol i made an effort in past to practice PRIMAL SCREAM through

Rebirthing (breathwork) - Wikipedia

with a therapist she was a very lovely 30 years old woman in Greece

i had 4 sessions of 3 hours breathing covered with blanket in protected room laying down

with mouth full open ....INHALING LIKE YOU WERE INHALING THE WHOLE UNIVERSE LOL

AND THEN EXHALING FREELY LIKE WITH NO CONTROL WITH NO ANY IMPEDING MASSIVELY

IF I CAN SAY....IN THAT SESSIONS I WAS EXPERIENCING PRIMAL SCREAM AND CRYING FROM

THE BOTTOM OF MY GUTS A SAVAGE PRIMITIVE VOICE WITH HUGE VOLUME THAT WAS

INCLUDING A DESPERATE QUESTION TO A MANLY FIGURE (LIKE FATHER but i dont think it was my father literaly)

OF WHY TORTURING ME EMOTIONALLY or why could not understand me. Always my vision after

the 3 hours was restoring IN 3 dimensional and i was having awake consciousness for few hours

no in the great level though i had when i was 18 as i describe in other post.

After this cleansing processes i had 10 years very functional i would say in which i was learning to bear

like step by step a level of commitment to my values in several aspects of life despite the co-existence

of negative feelings or depression ....and it did work well..

.Only when i reached 45 i had a break down of depression that was unbearable and i apparently had

the starting of my middle age-life crisis escaping in a 3d virtual world online in the game of "second life"

for 3 years. Thanks God i am 3 years out of that black hole.



heyLow said:


> yes. i have felt. and i do it sometimes. i scream n shout like hell.


Lol i made an effort in past to practice PRIMAL SCREAM through Rebirthing (breathwork ) with a therapist she was a very lovely 30 years old woman in greece i had 4 sessions of 3 hours breathing covered with blanket in protected room laying down with mouth full open ....INHALING LIKE YOU WERE INHALING THE WHOLE UNIVERSE LOL AND THEN EXHALING FREELY LIKE WITH NO CONTROL WITH NO ANY IMPEEDING MASIVELY IF I CAB SAY....IN THAT SESSIONS I WAS EXPERIECING PRIMAL SCREAM AND CRY FROM THE BOTTOM OG MY GUTS A SAVAGE PRIMITIVE VOICE THAT WAS INCLUDING A DESPERATE QUESTION TO A MANLY FIGURE (LIKE FATHER but i dont think it was my father literaly) OF WHY TURTURING ME EMOTIONALY or why could not understand me. Always my vision after the 3 hoursw was restoring 3 dimensional and i was having awake consciousness for few hours no in the great level though i had when i was 18 as i describe in other post.


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