# recovery- very useful insight to recovery



## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

ive got to a point now that the only thing i worry about is my very attempt to change how i feel, to cover it up, or to even replace it with a more satisfying feeling. i found that i could get lost in thought by doing that. everything else that used to be a worry doesnt have much of an affect on me anymore. you will realize that a lot of the shit you worry about doesnt really matter, as long as you have faith that your mind and body will heal naturally.

one of the biggest things i used to worry about was the idea that i might not be able to fully be aware of things if i didnt try. i had to learn to surrender myself to the fact that my intelligence and my awareness would always be there no matter what. and actually when you allow your self to become aware without actually forcing your self to, you will notice that your awareness and your intelligence not only remains in tact but it will become sharp and more expanded.

if you get anything from those books, the philosophies, and the things ive learned and discussed in my topics, you should realize....YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HOW YOU FEEL. you can only allow your self to feel more well. we have to learn that we will not be able to force a feeling of connection just by understanding something or changing our perspective or how we view something. you can certainly change how you see things but that will not change how you feel, even though you may experience a sense of wow or a kind of soothing affect.

and this will be a task. you will develop a lot of character, experience, and a type of inner wisdom. you feel "depersonalized" because you constantly ignore how you feel right now by trying to feel better or feel more, or to be more.

i went through an episode of fear and sadness and a little doom yesterday. i got caught up in trying to maintain peace and feel more peace. its a process of escaping those mental struggles. but i had to let go. i had to surrender. i had to allow myself to experience those feelings. its the only way we can heal from fear or any other negative feeling. you will find it hard at first but im tellin ya, you are going to have to let go. you will have to go through all that fear all those feelings of detachment and estrangement without trying to "fix" it. it could be a day or two days or a week or two weeks, but eventually you'll have to stop running from it, and go through it. its the only way we can heal, because what we feel or what we are experiencing is reality, you cant change reality with a thought.

when you stop struggling with it mentally and just allow the feelings to be, if you can do that long enough you will heal. people say they cant feel but than they say they feel alienated, afraid, and estrangement, those are feelings. and feelings can change if you allow your self to heal. if you allow your self to stop struggling and fighting against it, you will be afraid, you will have fear, you will feel whatever you are feeling. it will get better. we have to allow it to. any time you have a negative feeling, fear or whatever, you have to realize what is causing it so that you can stop causing more negative feelings and then you have to accept how you feel RIGHT NOW so that you can allow the suffering to fade away and allow the peace to flow.

again, it will seem hard at first. but it gets a little easier and little easier until it becomes a little easier and then it gets much easier. eventually it becomes easy. have a little faith in your self, your body and your brain and your mind, they will heal, just have to stop and allow it to happen. be truthful with your self, accept how you feel. takes a little patience, some time, some practice...might as well try to be as comfortable as possible, DEFINITELY dont worry about what others might think, they couldnt understand any ways, so fuck em for now. and ride it out. this has been written about for thousands of years, we arent the first to go through it.


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## eileenmun (Jan 17, 2010)

fieldsmatt31 said:


> ive got to a point now that the only thing i worry about is my very attempt to change how i feel, to cover it up, or to even replace it with a more satisfying feeling. i found that i could get lost in thought by doing that. everything else that used to be a worry doesnt have much of an affect on me anymore. you will realize that a lot of the shit you worry about doesnt really matter, as long as you have faith that your mind and body will heal naturally.
> 
> one of the biggest things i used to worry about was the idea that i might not be able to fully be aware of things if i didnt try. i had to learn to surrender myself to the fact that my intelligence and my awareness would always be there no matter what. and actually when you allow your self to become aware without actually forcing your self to, you will notice that your awareness and your intelligence not only remains in tact but it will become sharp and more expanded.
> 
> ...


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## eileenmun (Jan 17, 2010)

yea that is true ..... you definitely realise worry is such a useless emotion...!! But unfortuantely I still do worry a lot!! I am just wondering how long have you had DP. I have it now for 2 years with 5 years of very bad anxiety before that! I feel as if I am invisible with DP when people are talking to me. It used to really upset me/depress me at the beginning but now I just accept it. It does make me question sometimes what are people looking at and who are they talking to ... if you know what I mean? Do you find with DP that people look strange sometimes at the beginning I thought everyone was aliens. Because you see everything in such detail it can be scary sometimes!! I aggree with you that when you let go and forget about it it actually gets easier. The best thing I find is not to tune into it. Then you can go for hours at a time and actually forget? about it. ARe you a member of this forum for long? Do you find it helpful. I have read that a lot of people got DP from Weed well I actually got DP from Meditation (Easter) I have give all that stuff up now completely and feel much better. Anyway just thought I reply as i thought your post was interesting.


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## WhatUpDoe (Jan 22, 2010)

good post Matt, really helpfull!


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