# The face of Dp image progression (my face)



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I decided to post on here documenting what I looked like through out having dp.

Summer 2008- Me before dp and how I used to be: fun, flirtatious, always making people laugh


















July 2009- Right before getting dp. Only time in my life when I felt truly happy









Octoberish 2009- Me at the beginning of dp. It was really paralying but I wasn't quite suicidal yet









Novemer 2009- The day before my 2nd hospitalization. I was ready to kill myself and could no longer get out of bed.









Spring 2010- Still not doing well but forcing myself to try to live









Early summer 2010- This is probably right around the time that I started to recover. Feeling probably 60% better









Late summer 2010- Feeling probably like 75% better with dp and like 80% better with dr









December 2010- Feelling about 80-85% better with the dp and 95-99% better with the dr









No pictures from 2011 yet. I feel no different than I did in the last picture.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Sarah....all I can say is: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And I mean that.









What I noticed in the progression of the pictures mostly was the coloring of your face. You went from having some color in your face to being totally drained and pale and then back to some color and blush in your cheeks. Oh, and the smiles returned too!


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

insaticiable said:


> Sarah....all I can say is: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And I mean that.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Aww thank you Sandy! Yeah I looked pretty tore up and that stands to reason. I wasn't eating, drinking, had dp so bad I literally could not do anything but watch movies all day long and have panic attacks.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Excellent documentation - you can see the depression and inner turmoil build. Then the improvement. Your kids look happy (but I'm sure they were stressed) and must be even happier now that you have progressed so much. Thank you for the pictures.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

Your eyes look huge in some pics


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## flipwilson (Aug 19, 2006)

This was very sad and hard to look at . I think most of us can see ourselves in these photos, I know when I look at old pictures and then pictures of me during dp its amazing the change that takes place. Its like a temporary aging, you literally look 15 yrs older at your worst and then it seems like youth comes back into the face as u start to feel better. From picture three to picture five is just truly heart-wrenching and also at the same time the most interesting thing in the world to me. Just those two photos side by side should be able to convince all the neurologists and psychiatrists in the world to study this nightmare. The questions they raise about us as humans, about the soul, about brain functioning and personality are all right here in these photos. How do we go from full of life to the absence of life? What or where is the center inside of us that is missing during the worst times? I want all the people that think mental illness is some bullshit or that we are all hypochondriacs to see these pics and then voice their ignorance. This shit is real and its fucked up and to have mother look like that next to her two wide eyed smiling children should make this a priority to all doctors. Thank you for posting this and allowing us to see you at a very vulnerable state. Regardless you are a very beautiful woman. peace.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

babybowrain said:


> Your eyes look huge in some pics


 sorry?


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

flipwilson said:


> This was very sad and hard to look at . I think most of us can see ourselves in these photos, I know when I look at old pictures and then pictures of me during dp its amazing the change that takes place. Its like a temporary aging, you literally look 15 yrs older at your worst and then it seems like youth comes back into the face as u start to feel better. From picture three to picture five is just truly heart-wrenching and also at the same time the most interesting thing in the world to me. Just those two photos side by side should be able to convince all the neurologists and psychiatrists in the world to study this nightmare. The questions they raise about us as humans, about the soul, about brain functioning and personality are all right here in these photos. How do we go from full of life to the absence of life? What or where is the center inside of us that is missing during the worst times? I want all the people that think mental illness is some bullshit or that we are all hypochondriacs to see these pics and then voice their ignorance. This shit is real and its fucked up and to have mother look like that next to her two wide eyed smiling children should make this a priority to all doctors. Thank you for posting this and allowing us to see you at a very vulnerable state. Regardless you are a very beautiful woman. peace.


I tried to give your post a positive rating but it says I've reached my limit for the day (dumb). Thank you for what you said. You make some incredibly valid points, especially the one about my kids. This dp hasn't just changed my life, it's changed theirs. During that period of time, I was so dp'd and freaked out by noise and movement that I couldn't stand to have my kids near me. I felt no connection to them and so I would see them for maybe 5 to 10 minutes a day. So they not only had to get used to losing their mother but have her become that person in the picture. The really sick one who never got out of bed, was too weak to walk, was in and out of the hospital all of the time. I mean, even as my ability to be around them got better, the fact is that I still had and still do have many days where I still have to just spend the day in bed because my symptoms are so severe and they have gotten used to that. They come and ask if I'm ok and offer to bring me water or food or medicine. My 5 year old comes and lays down and asks if I'm feeling ok today. It's sad. He was convinced, for the longest time, that I was going to die. He just knew that I was sick and didn't understand that some people can be sick but not physically sick.


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## Minerva8979 (Jan 30, 2010)

Yea, that picture with your children layin down with you kills me. Youre brave for posting these pictures becayse they are poignant. I think one positive thing is that your children are still so young and can absorb these difficult times better than, say, a hormonal teenager. I'm sure youve thought of that already.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> sorry?


That was a compliment actually, big eyes are considered beautiful


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

babybowrain said:


> That was a compliment actually, big eyes are considered beautiful


LOL! That face you put on your other post was more horrified than happy. I thought my eyes scared you lol.


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Sarah, what a great documentation. This one picture scared me a bit, I have to admit, but it is so nice to see the development







It gives me hope!

Your children do look happy. So despite all the shit, you managed to raise them being happy children. Be proud of yourself!


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Gypsy85 said:


> Sarah, what a great documentation. This one picture scared me a bit, I have to admit, but it is so nice to see the development
> 
> 
> 
> ...


If only my face scared doctors into taking dp seriously and helping people!


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2011)

thanks for posting these up.. indeed like some of the people above said.. we can feel what you go through in those pics... thanks for being open enough in sharing these personal moments..

you are VERY strong and beautiful soul..


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

ellatree said:


> thanks for posting these up.. indeed like some of the people above said.. we can feel what you go through in those pics... thanks for being open enough in sharing these personal moments..
> 
> you are VERY strong and beautiful soul..


Thank you


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Hey everyone. I just wanted to add an update to this. I did delete my other account and then decided to come back to post updates, so that's why my screen name is a little different. Anyways, here are pictures of me about 98% recovered from June 2011.









(Horrible picture of me but I think you can see that I'm truly happy









(me 3 days ago feeling pretty good)


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2011)

Hey Sarah,

I'm so glad to see you happy and recovered! It gives me a lot of hope to have seen you gone through hell and overcome the beast! Thanks for the update! =]

-David


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Hey Sarah,
> 
> I'm so glad to see you happy and recovered! It gives me a lot of hope to have seen you gone through hell and overcome the beast! Thanks for the update! =]
> 
> -David


I was thinking about it yesterday and I think the key is that you have to believe that you will recover in order to actually recover. For a very long time I told myself that dp has not treatment or cure and that I may have it my entire life and that really kept me in a dark place. When I decided to believe that dp was a temporary state caused by a trauma and that my mind would heal itself, I started to recover. Every step I take in recovery gives me more confirmation that I am and will continue to get better. It builds on itself. I am way better now than I was a month ago and light years better than I was 4 months ago. I litereally feel like my old self. There is just still something off with my perception of the world. I know that in time that will fade completely away too.


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

heroic.


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## Guest (Jul 8, 2011)

PhoenixDown said:


> heroic.


Agreed.

A couple of those pics are painful to see because you look haunted







I've seen that same face in the mirror too many times.

But in the later pics your green eyes sparkle again









I also have green eyes, and I hope, like yours, they will sparkle again


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Phantasm said:


> Agreed.
> 
> A couple of those pics are painful to see because you look haunted
> 
> ...


I know they will


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## Guest (Jul 26, 2011)




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## SpaceCase (Oct 20, 2011)

Was your DP drug induced? Because in those photos, I could relate to them because I look like that in photos and my DP wasn't drug induced.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

SpaceCase said:


> Was your DP drug induced? Because in those photos, I could relate to them because I look like that in photos and my DP wasn't drug induced.


Sort of. My dp was induced by Prozac (Fluxotine). But there was a lot of trauma before that. The Prozac just pushed my brain over the edge.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Beautiful and inspiring


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## ihatethis (Mar 13, 2012)

Thank you for posting this. I can totally see myself in your pictures, I too have 2 kids so its especially haunting for me because I too am expressionless, pale with a distant look and dark rings under my eyes. Thank you for giving me hope.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I just wanted to give you all an update. I currently have no dp symptoms and only mild dr symptoms.










This was a few weeks ago in South Dakota. I went on a two week half cross country trip and didn't notice my dr the entire time

















Today, my last day of being 28


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

You do look way better! It's amazing to see the progress, I wish I had kept more pictures, I deleted all my old ones...


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

Im so very glad to see you're getting better. You deserve it. I also wanted to say I love your youtube vids. They gave me nice boost when I feeling so hopeless


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## Justinian585 (Dec 4, 2012)

Amazing project. Very interesting and inspiring. They say a picture is worth 1000 words, and that couldn't be more true with this. I can almost feel exactly what you were going through and put myself in your shoes just by the expression on your face. I'm glad to hear you're doing much better. I think its safe to say that you're finally truly happy, no? Very cool.


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## Guest (Feb 11, 2013)

Gee, you look like an ex-gf of mine. To me, you look younger and perhaps more attractive. Just be thankful for what you have. : >


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## JackDanielß (Nov 28, 2012)

ValleyGirl said:


> I tried to give your post a positive rating but it says I've reached my limit for the day (dumb). Thank you for what you said. You make some incredibly valid points, especially the one about my kids. This dp hasn't just changed my life, it's changed theirs. During that period of time, I was so dp'd and freaked out by noise and movement that I couldn't stand to have my kids near me. I felt no connection to them and so I would see them for maybe 5 to 10 minutes a day. So they not only had to get used to losing their mother but have her become that person in the picture. The really sick one who never got out of bed, was too weak to walk, was in and out of the hospital all of the time. I mean, even as my ability to be around them got better, the fact is that I still had and still do have many days where I still have to just spend the day in bed because my symptoms are so severe and they have gotten used to that. They come and ask if I'm ok and offer to bring me water or food or medicine. My 5 year old comes and lays down and asks if I'm feeling ok today. It's sad. He was convinced, for the longest time, that I was going to die. He just knew that I was sick and didn't understand that some people can be sick but not physically sick.


>I felt no connection to them and so I would see them for maybe 5 to 10 minutes a day

Neglecting?

I don't want to sound like I'm attacking, but don't you think they were traumatized? I know I feared my parents death ever since I was mistakenly told that my father was going to die soon. He didn't, but that fear did pass on.

I'm sorry but holy shit. Take care .


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## Guest (Feb 17, 2013)

Oooo yeah, i see you've added some more pics i hadn't seen. Yeah, you look a touch beaten up.

Oh well, we all do sometimes.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

JackDanielß said:


> >I felt no connection to them and so I would see them for maybe 5 to 10 minutes a day
> 
> Neglecting?
> 
> ...


Did you ever stop to think for a minute that they had another parent? Or that the other parent had help in caring for them? That was a hugely short sighted insensitive thing to say. Think before you speak. And just for the record, when a person has a completely crippling illness where they are so incapicitated that they cannot even care for themselves, it is NOT neglect when that person arranges for their dependents to be cared for by someone who is capable and qualified. If someone was in the hospital dying of cancer and had kids, would you accuse them of neglecting their children because they were too sick to care for them? I certainly hope not. The severity of my dp put me in exactly that same position but I made sure that my children were safe and taken care of.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

samuel1 said:


> Oooo yeah, i see you've added some more pics i hadn't seen. Yeah, you look a touch beaten up.
> 
> Oh well, we all do sometimes.


See half way down page 2. I mostly certainly DO NOT look beaten up.....


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## Grublet (Jun 25, 2012)

.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

> teh345" data-cid="286271" data-time="1367552824">
> 
> How did you manage to get to where you are now? My mental state is still in the pits. I'm functional but miserable at times.


Well I decided that I refuse to accept having dp permanently. I know a lot of people on here go on and on about there being no guaranteed recovery but I'm like no. I REFUSE that fate. I've decided I will recover and that's that. It's so hard but I pushed myself to live normally everyday. Anything that I felt like I couldn't do because of dp, I went out and did to prove dp wrong. I did a lot of acceptance and commitment stuff as well as changing stressful things in my life like hurtful relationships or situations. I've done a lot of working through stuff that happened before and since getting dp. I've been taking b and d vitamins to elevate my seretonin levels and just trying to think positively. Most of all, living life as normally as I can. It was a huge struggle for the first year or so but the more I got out of the house the better I felt. The dp just slowly got better with time. Right now I'd say I'm 99% better. This past 6 months my memory has improved significantly. My dp never really gets much worse no matter what situation I face. In the oast year I've breifly reconnected with reality for 30 minutes. That happened like 5 times and more times than I can count the dp is so barely there that it feels like it could go away at any second.

I know you feel miserable but the key to feeling normal again is to live normally. Get up and dressed in the morning and leave the house. Find things to keep your mind occupied and off your feelings. Recovery can take time but as long as you are out living your life to the fullest, you'll heal.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Grublet said:


> hello beautiful! you don't look beaten up to me, and your eyes are gorgeous


You are very sweet. Thank you. You have beautiful eyes too.


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## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

man I felt a little scared. I too feel that my face changed and became emotionless and PALE. Glad you recovered, and any advice is appreciated, thank you.


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