# a year later i know what is wrong



## juls09 (Jan 25, 2012)

My name is Julie, im 21 and i was just told I suffer from depersonalization. The first time I ever experienced I was 19 almost a year and a half ago. I thought at first that I just had something wrong like a vitimin deffancy or something small. They tested me for everything under the sun and found nothing wrong. After being tested for everything you can imange I thought I was losing my mind. I felt like i was in a dream and I repeatly told my doctor this. I felt like everyday was a struggle because I felt so out of control my body felt weak and I was so scared. After a while I thought this would be the way I would have to live and it was a depressing thought. So almost a year goes by and this is how I live everyday beacuse my doctor pretty much laughed in my face and refused to help me. Rescently things got very bad the wrost they had ever been and I was terrified. My mom made an ememgancy apt with a new doctor and I found out that I wasnt crazy this is what I had. I have been through so much my father was abusive to my mother and I. He left when I was a teenager and I havent spoken to him since. I was almost raped two years ago by a man I trusted. I had two very bad scary break ups in the past two years both resulting in stalking by the ex. My car was torn up mulitple times by one and the other had a guy break into my house to strangle my current boyfriend. To add insult to injury one was my best friend for 3 years. I thought I was going to marry him and I trusted him more than anyone. He was a soilder just home from the war when we met. I droped out of college bc i couldnt handle it. Stress is something everyone deals with so I thought I would be fine. The anxiety was really bad and I didnt know what to do. I was told that I as a person handle the stress fine but my brain hasnt. So she put me on antidreppesnts a few days ago. I am hopeful that they will work because I miss my life. It feels so good that im not alone and that other people understand what im goinf through.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

sounds like you've got it from childhood trauma (like me). yes it feels like you're going crazy, but i promise you aren't. might be a good idea to find a therapist who works dissociation, isst-d.org is a good place to start


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## hisragazza (Jan 25, 2012)

Julie, you are far from going crazy. I am 24 and have been dealing with this disorder for over 8 years. Doctors couldnt ever figure out what was wrong, They just decided to deal with my depression they would put me on Paxil. And surprisingly it has helped a TON, I attempted to get off of it a few months ago and it was the worst I had ever felt with it. EVER I thought i was going to permanently feel that way..but after he put me back on the medicine it began to feel better again, I do notice that I have bouts of it here and there even with the medicine but no where near how i feel with out it. Keep tough I thought I was alone for many years. I have only found this site within the last couple days.


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## derkdiggler (Oct 19, 2011)

you must have a prozac or a zoloft deficiency


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## juls09 (Jan 25, 2012)

yes it is scary and i am so glad i found this place bc i have felt so alone and i feel better that there is something wrong and there is a name for it and its not all in my head. when you have your depersonalization is it as bad as it was before the medicine?


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## hisragazza (Jan 25, 2012)

No, not as bad as when I am off of it, Ive been doing some research lately to see if there is another option out there beside the paxil, because it is apparent that the paxil just may not be cutting it any more, for the past week Ive been having symptoms but I have been fighting hard to not let it take over, so i keep my mind occupied, I notice the more I look for it or pay attention to the more I feel it and it ends up making me scared and cause my heart to race. I also found out in some of the research that seeing a Cognitive Behavior Specialist can help as well. I totally understand feeling alone, I do not have any personal friends that can relate to what I am going through, ive spent much time feeling alone and scared because no one could understand what it felt for me. But I found this site a few days ago and it has been a blessing just to have people out there that can relate. I notice when I am feeling scared from the feelings if i just stop in and read some info on it or log into this site that I feel more comforted and calm knowing that I am okay, and I will be okay. And you are and will be to. I am seeking a cognitive behavior therapist now to see if I can find some more info on how to deal with this.


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## hisragazza (Jan 25, 2012)

derkdiggler said:


> you must have a prozac or a zoloft deficiency


For me? Because of feeling the feelings on the Paxil? Ive been taking it for a really long time when i attempted to get off of it my DP was the worst it had ever been, I heard benzo's can help as well as some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It could be that my body has become immune and I may need to make a change.


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## hisragazza (Jan 25, 2012)

and Julie, from what I hear there is a movie starring Matthew Perry from "Friends" (who has DPD) and i guess it kinda of goes along with what we are all feeling..I think I am going to check it out this weekend, maybe you should try and check it out too.


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## juls09 (Jan 25, 2012)

hisragazza said:


> and Julie, from what I hear there is a movie starring Matthew Perry from "Friends" (who has DPD) and i guess it kinda of goes along with what we are all feeling..I think I am going to check it out this weekend, maybe you should try and check it out too.


What is it called?


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## ldd (Feb 16, 2012)

juls09 said:


> What is it called?


I'm pretty sure it's called Numb.


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