# To the member "Depersonalized"



## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

You are a significant individual. You clearly stand out in the thread I had started, whilst others took heed to what I had to say you challenged it up front.

You are an individual, and you are different from everyone else on this board.

You are the only one with the TRUE desire to get out of here and leave us in the dust.

Congratulations.

I used to be you.

I do like the contradictory reply of yours, as it is good to have one's own opinion.

I think it's absolutely great.

However, I think it serves you absolutely wrong.

Of course you don't want the symptoms.

But the world is full of seemingly paradoxical things...conflicts...things that aren't what they seem. And you have to look past that.

The term "schizophrenic" is derived from the Greek words meaning "split [schizo] and mind [phrenia]".

In a way, we all have "split minds" in a perfectly normal and non-psychotic way.

We have inner conflicts and things that seem to contradict themselves and part of having DP is the solid belief that there IS no conflict or contradiction in your mind.

Your mind is showing you there IS conflicts and contradictions and feelings opposite of what you consciously feel. Your life is becoming a scary hell because you're buying into a fantasy that you DONT have those conflicts and when you try to integrate this fantasy into the reality of what is around you, and it doesn't happen, your mind dissociates.

So yes, in the purest sense, it was a very schizophrenic thing of me to say.

You say you hope you will have time to kill yourself before you turn into a vegetable.

Well goddamnit, you're not so different from the rest of us anymore now are you? You see, I said the same thing and even TRIED killing myself and cursed god for mroe than two years after the fact, cursed him for being here, cursed him for being alive.

Always thinking " I would rather be dead than have this, I would rather die than go through another moment" but also believing that life WAs neat and tidy and that I HAD NO unconscious desires...and because I did not pay ATTENTION to these inner conflicts, I created more suffering by repeating the same patterns in life that were nothing more than patterns but since I took them at surface value I viewed them as individual and differing crisis.

Everything you said in that reply to me is every reason why you have DP.

Especially the violent, headstrong, angry tone of it all.

You're not emotionless like you think. You're just not feeling the emotions you PLANNED to feel. You wanted to be happy or angry at a certain moment but instead you feel dead or frustrated. That happens to EVERYBODY, but since you are so CONTROLLING over wanting to know and PLANNING how to feel, you perceive the absence of that particular feeling as emotional numbness.

Believe me, it was hell for me too. I told ya I tried to kill myself!

What that emotional numbness is, is the OTHER side of the emotional spectrum that you experience alongside with normal feelings. You think that you can ONLY be happy or ONLY be sad, etc. But you have other conflicting and sometimes unconscious feelings too.

That numbness is the unconscious part of you saying "hey, there are other things going on here than what's just on the surface." if there werent' other things going on, then you would be ABLE to always feel JUST those superficial feelings that you planned for.

You will be happy and sad and angry and fearful and everything you want, BUT it's not going to be what you planned for.

REAL emotions are NOT things you plan in advance. For example, most comedy works on the basis of catching you by surprise. Your laugh is the automatic reaction. If you sat there and planned to laugh before the joke was told, you would be missing the spontaneity of the moment and you probably would not laugh. Because you would be expecting it.

Sometimes we're so afraid of our own feelings that we must PLAN them out ahead of time to make sure we KNOW what we are going to feel.

But when you plan something spontaneous out, it dissolves immediately. And then you think you're emotionally numb. No. You're just planning too damn much.

You don't know what you're going to feel and when you're going to feel it and the harder you search the harder you will hit DP.

There is no answer in there.


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2005)

What is this? Over reaction Friday? I don't quite get this...


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2005)

To the Member "person3"...

You're quite the character. You have this disorder and you seem like you want to have it just to be the different individual you wish to be although you'll claim otherwise. You exhibit emotions very easily it seems, often towards others who don't quite share your views of things. You let your disagreements be quite known with a fervent attitude which is rather unproductive. Usually with people who post, I see a bit of myself in them, and I can fully sympathize. But with you, it seems your attitude itself glows a different wavelength which is similar but very stubbornly different, which makes me dislike you in an unwanted way.

You didn't have to post a new topic for the attention. You could have just sent him/her a PM.


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2005)

Yeah, sorry, I have to agree with musashi.

Person3: We have theories about our DP, but none of us know anything for sure. Even the entire psychiatric community is somewhat in the dark about it. None of us should be pushing our ideas about it as fact, and definitely not starting a thread to a specific person to shove it down their throat.

Let's keep this a positive place to help and respect eachother, please, it's one of the few things I have that makes me feel understood.


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## lone wolf (Aug 10, 2004)

I'm with Musashi and miningtheclouds. Actually if someone disagrees with someone else's views, it doesn't necessarily mean that the one who disagrees is wrong. I haven't made any post to person3's thread, but it have read it - and what I could say, those things person3 has stated there may very well represent her case, but it doesn't mean that her experience of DP could be universalized. I hardly see anything common with my experience of dissociation compared to person3's experience. Her thoughts on the subject just don't match. However, I don't believe that because I disagree, I would be in denial toward myself and my problems, nor do I think that person3's thoughts are just crap. Our cases of DP are just different, with different causes/reasons and with a totally different structure. So I feel it is totally dangerous to start thinking one knows for sure what ticks us, as things never can be generalized and thus there should be room for the differencies of opinion as well. I also agree with Musashi that creating another thread for this kind of post seems to be just a way to seek attention. Sending a PM would have been a much more decent way to deal with things in this case, IMO.


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## dakotajo (Aug 10, 2004)

I agree with the last few posts. This thread is total crap.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

I respect all of what you have to say, and I understand.

Let me clarify however, that I am not wanting or fascinated of this disorder nor happy to have it. I have been through serious hell with it, and it ruined a lot of college plans I had early on and made me feel compelled to move all the way across the country back home.

I do absolutely love attention, however, and I will do anything to get it. So you'll just have to put up with that.

Please take another read if you only see that side to what I'm saying. If you only see that I'm tearing people apart and trying to be right and such. I'm not. If it comes across as such, read it again and again and maybe read it again after a few months of therapeutic progress and then you will understand what I am saying.

I have been through all different stages of this.

And yes we are all different.

But we all hold conflicts within ourselves that we don't want to recognize. We don't WANT to think that yes, there is something wrong with us, we are a conflicted individual, and that our only real cure is to recognize our inner conflicts and make a CHANGE for the better. Of course we can take medicines and such, to relieve symptoms, but I seriously believe for most of the people with this disorder it also involves that they get some kind of good psychological help or at least attain some good psychological understanding of the disorder.

Where is the proof? Me. I know it works on me. It doesn't ALWAYS work and it's not that life is peachy keen and there's still an uphill battle, but letting down my guard and realizing new things and APPROACHING the same situation in a different way has made all the difference.

It has given me choice.

----------------

You know what? Screw all this.

I invite you to continue tearing this thread to pieces.

Actually I want you to say the worst possible things about it and about me if you will.

If you guys don't keep tearing this thread apart I will be very upset and make another thread to get more attention.

So please, have at it.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Musashi-



> You have this disorder and you seem like you want to have it just to be the different individual you wish to be although you'll claim otherwise.


You are absolutely right. That is how I got DP.


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2005)

I must be missing something here. 
P-3 starts a new thread, based on something another member said in a previous thread. Sometimes that's a good idea. Keeps the first one more on topic while allowing the new thread to expand on something else.

Like many of us here, P-3 likes to listen to herself type sometimes. She has definite opinions on certain things. Her opinions are worth no more than anyone else's. At the same time, what she thinks is worth no LESS than what anyone else thinks. 
Just my opinion of course, but the only "attacking" I see here came after her first post in this thread.

Differing opinions are great, but I guess I'm still confused as to why she's getting jumped on.


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## lone wolf (Aug 10, 2004)

sc said:


> Just my opinion of course, but the only "attacking" I see here came after her first post in this thread.


I responded because I regarded person3's post addressed to Depersonalized in this thread "attacking" too. I don't like that kind of communication, though also I sometimes make myself guilty of it as well. But I think people generally should try to be respectful toward each other, and a direct PM to Depersonalized might have been a good way in this case instead of starting a new thread in order to try to educate Depersonalized, who just happened to disagree with person3. I didn't see Depersonalized's reply to person3 in the other thread in any way attacking, so I cannot understand why the need to start educating her/him in a public new thread. This is only my personal opinion on the matter, of course.


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2005)

Can we please keep our threads sane ? Reading that thread felt like a zombie wrote it.


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## Revelation_old (Aug 9, 2004)

Theres no need for this.

Thread moved + locked.


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