# Boyfriend has depersonalization



## KatieN

Im new here and wanted some feedback on this..
My boyfriend and i have been together for about 2 years. We have a very close relationship and have never fought a lot. About 6 months ago he started having symptoms of dp, saying he felt unreal and detatched. I have done my best to be understanding even though i know i cannot fully understand. I have been there for him through a lot, and really poured myself into helping and loving him, and i havent really been taking care of my needs during this time. Recently though, hes been distant and uninterested towards me, eventually telling me he didnt feel the same way about me anymore because of his inability to feel. We have so many memories and amazing times together, but if he cant love me i dont know what to do. Please help. I cant end this, i love him more than anything in the world and this is tearing me apart. Will he feel again?


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## Depersonal Eyes

Hey. I feel for you! My friend's ex boyfriend has DP. They never knew what was wrong until I told her about my own DP, and he read a bit of my site (www.depersonaleyes.blogspot.com ... feel free to share this with your boyfriend if you think it would help. It's for everyone and has a lot of metaphors and explanations to help people who haven't experienced DP to grasp the condition. Read as much as you want!)

I distanced my self from everyone, not because I didn't love them, but because I was embarassed. He may just feel ashamed that his reality is skewed. It's scary, especially when you think that you are goin crazy.

He can feel better, he just needs to focus on his recovery instead of dwelling in the bad feelings. They feelings and weird perceptions will pass, panic and anxiety only exasturbate the issue. He may know that he still loves you, his feelings are just all over the place because of depersonalization. Its hard to know what parts of "yourself" that you can trust.

I wish you peace and comfort!
Carolyn


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## Tandem

Trust me... I know how your boyfriend feels. I am starting to feel less for my girlfriend. It's not something you can really control. I hate being around people in general. I just started taking Lorazepam, though, and I am feeling a lot better. I'd say 50%. Relationships can be real tough with DP, but I would suggest trying to stick it out.

You should be in a relationship for yourself. If you can't take this type of relationship, it's not for you. I can tell you that it is definitely possible for him to overcome DPDR, though.

Best of luck!


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## Chris P Bacon

I'm sure he does still love you, its sort of hard to explain but having dp seems to dim your emotions. For example, I was at the football match yesterday and when my team score I'm usually head over heals delighted and jumping for joy. When we scored yesterday I was still happy but it just wasn't the same... it just didn't seem as big a deal as it normally does.

He'll get through this and I'm sure you will have a wonderful life together.

Take care.

Rhys


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## Guest

Hey, I think you need to learn that you have to work with people with dp\dr, its a very disturbing and tough experience for someone to go thru.. When someone is depersonalized it often numbs them to being able to feel emotions or express them towards other people, so dont think that he just doesnt like you , its the disorder showing its true colors, just try to be easier on him and ask him hows hes really feeling , and things should start to get better


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## PhoenixDown

here are the hard facts. I'm tired of beating around the bush about DP:

First off, your BF is in living hell.

Second, I would think that if he has feelings for you they would still remain even in a Dp'd state. I feel very close to my GF, despite feeling like my brain is fucked.

Third, realistically he won't recover. Don't think this is temporary, cuz it probably isn't. I would not leave him as long as he is still fighting ie. I put in a ridiculous amount of effort to keep my relationship alive despite this disability. That being said, I don't know how sustainable that level is with DP. Depends how close u r to him. But as a non-dp person I assume you will eventually want to move on.


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## Timer

Hi Katie,

I went through a very similar thing in my relationship, its upsetting reading what you write. DP numbed me and made my thoughts so irrational that I didn't know what I was feeling and if that was true.

Stick with him, hes not saying he doesnt love you, hes saying he doesnt feel at the moment. I would hazard a guess that your relationship isn't the only one to falter recently? Maybe his and his family? friends?

DP although very bleak is something which can be overcome, try and help him focus on things apart from his condition. Socialise with him as best as possible, and do everything but focus on the dp, this should help him get through it and connect with the outside and his emotions and in turn you.

He should be able to do these things as he will be more comfortable with you than perhaps doing them on his own.

I only speak from my experience but my relationship ending was extremely upsetting and it was due to DP not the love for my GF.

All the best!


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## KatieN

Thanks for the replies! Another thing I wanted to clarify is that I do plan on staying with him. The issue isn't about my patience in dealing with his dp, it's that he was able to tell me he didn't love me in such a straightforward way, yet he wants to stay in the relationship. I don't believe that he doesn't love me, because I know him very well and it just doesn't make sense. I also understand that this kind of relationship can be difficult as a person without dp, but I care about him more than he'll ever know and I wouldn't trade him for anyone, depersonalized or otherwise.


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## kanda

KatieN said:


> Thanks for the replies! Another thing I wanted to clarify is that I do plan on staying with him. The issue isn't about my patience in dealing with his dp, it's that he was able to tell me he didn't love me in such a straightforward way, yet he wants to stay in the relationship. I don't believe that he doesn't love me, because I know him very well and it just doesn't make sense. I also understand that this kind of relationship can be difficult as a person without dp, but I care about him more than he'll ever know and I wouldn't trade him for anyone, depersonalized or otherwise.


Katie you are amazing! I hope someday to find a boyfriend who would be as understanding as you are with your boyfriend. If I was him, I would be very lucky to have someone as patient and dedicated as you. It must be a struggle for both of you but ultimately, if and when he recovers, it will just solidify your commitment and care for one another!!!

I love hearing stories like this


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## Gypsy85

I also have DP and absolutely know how your bf feels. I do not understand how one can say "if he feels for you, his feelings should still be there", because ALL my feelings have changed tremendously til the onset of my DP. Not just for my bf, but for my pets, my family, my hobbies. Everything.

It is fucking tough and it does not mean AT ALL that he does not love you anymore.

He should trust himself that he still loves you despite his weird feelings, that makes things a lot easier!

Good luck to you both!


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## daydreambeliever

Gypsy85 said:


> I also have DP and absolutely know how your bf feels. I do not understand how one can say "if he feels for you, his feelings should still be there", because ALL my feelings have changed tremendously til the onset of my DP. Not just for my bf, but for my pets, my family, my hobbies. Everything.
> 
> It is fucking tough and it does not mean AT ALL that he does not love you anymore.
> 
> He should trust himself that he still loves you despite his weird feelings, that makes things a lot easier!
> 
> Good luck to you both!


I have 3 kids and although I am crazy about them I am still distant. I will do my best by them and sometimes that isn't very good. But they love me like hell. So I hope you can tolerate the distance you will most likely have to face at times. It is unfair for my kids and I'm afraid for you as well. But depersonalization does have it's good aspects.

For me, I have to keep in mind what will hurt, and what will help, because I tend to be selfish without realizing it, because I am never able to be really present and it wears me out. I can split, you know? In a second. I have to fight to stick around. Best of luck and I hope you have a good therapist.


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## kate_edwin

He probbaly still has the emotions , he's just blocked off from them right now. But you've got to put yourself first, you can't help him if you aren't at or near %100. As for understanding, do is a form of dissociation, it's related to things like reading a book and suddenly 2 hours are gone, or when people are in.a car crash and don't remember the crash, or if you find yourselfday dreaming or spaced out. Youve probably experienced a very low level episode of dissociation once or twice yourself, but you're right although it's similar, it's not the same as full blown version. But it's very real and vey hard and very strange, try to hang in there


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## EmiU

It might just be his self defense mechanisim. I love my boyfriend but my dp and anxiety really seem to get in the way sometimes. And i can just see the anguish and frustration that it causes him to know that there is not much he can do about it. I always apologize for being such a handful. If you love him then tell him you are willing to keep going on with it. All we need to hear sometimes is that you find us normal and would not want anyone else.


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