# Dreams, derealization, and confusing intrusive thoughts



## hiswarrior (Nov 17, 2012)

Hello,

I am a new member to this forum but have been reading the various conversations for a couple of months now. I just wanted to describe my experience with what I believe is derealization and to see if anyone else is able to relate to any of these symptoms.

I am now 31 but my first experience with what I believe is derealization started when I was around 17. It all started with what I believe was a Lucid Dream, but I did not know what a Lucid Dream was until only recently. Consequently, I never even to this day have tried to induce these types of dreams. However, I have suffered from these sorts of dreams on a random basis since that original dream that happened when I was 17. In that original dream and any subsequent dreams I have had they are of different contexts but always result in the same scenario in which I realize I am dreaming and then spend the rest of the dream afraid and trying to wake up. I do finally wake up, but ever since that dream I have suffered with the reoccurring question while awake that is "Am I really awake", and if I am awake, how do I really know I am awake. This inability to prove to myself without a shadow of a doubt that I am awake has been a constant source of anxiety and I guess somewhat of a phobia ever since that initial first dream I had at 17. Like I said, I first experience this issue when I was 17, and over time I somehow got over it, and to be honest I'm not too sure how it went away, I just remember making it a goal to just ignore those thoughts (questions) and feelings, and I guess it just sort of went away.

Well, now I am 31 and for some reason out of the blue these thoughts and fears have returned. I can pinpoint where they started. I went out to breakfast with my wife one morning and unfortunately while waiting for our breakfast to be served our waitress kept refilling my coffee and without thinking about it I kept drinking them down without any food, I would say I had about 3 cups or so on an empty stomach. Well, we came how that day and about an hour or two later for no reason at all I was touching my ear and I couldn't feel my ear or more so it felt like my finger tips were tingly and it just felt strange. Now, I dont know why but for some reason I immediately thought that since this was out of the ordinary that this could be sort of like when I realize in those Lucid Dreams that I am dreaming. So I immediately started to do reality checks etc... to prove to myself I was not dreaming but for some reason was unable to prove to myself I was not. The annoying thing is it just came out of no where, and now I have that same annoying/scary feeling that somehow I have to prove to myself that I am not dreaming.

Okay, so, this last occurrence happened about 2 months ago and I have since worked with my doctor and am on 20mg Citalopram for the anxiety, and I have to admit it has helped, but recently, I am afraid that it may be starting to wear off on me.

So, I apologize for the poorly structured novel, but I guess what I am wondering is, does anyone deal with these intrusive thoughts as to whether they are dreaming or not and have this annoying need to prove that they are not. The thing is, I don't really believe I am dreaming, its just those lucid dreams and at times false awakenings in them make me confused and I constantly question if I am really awake now or is this still just a dream? And the thing that is causing all the anxiety is that I can't prove to myself without a shadow of a doubt that I am not dreaming. Also, for what it is worth, when I have a lucid dream and a corresponding false awakening these thoughts are even harder to deal with for at least that morning after I have that type of dream.

Lastly, I do get symptoms I guess as in my vision gets a little weird with all this, but if I get my mind off of the thoughts by focusing on people and activities around me, the physical symptoms are fine. Its really just these phobic thoughts that I could be dreaming and an inability to prove to myself that I am not dreaming that scares me. Like others, I just get scared I am losing touch with reality or something like that. I guess I am wondering if anyone else has had any experience like this or has suffered more from the intrusive thoughts and a need to prove your not dreaming?

Thanks for listening, again sorry for the long post.


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## Jamie780 (Nov 12, 2012)

Yes Im also suffering the from dp I have the off vision all the time i notice when your thinking about it , it seems to be a lot worse everything you are saying sounds to me as thoough you are suffering from dp.


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## hiswarrior (Nov 17, 2012)

Thank you for your reply Jamie! I guess I was just concerned that I am just kidding myself in terms of thinking that what I am experiencing is derealization, when actually it is something else?


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