# SEX AND DP



## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

Hello!

I was interested to know about your experience of sex and DP. *What is it like for you? Whats the difference? Do you have experience of sex before DP and then when you got DP?*

I am a virgin (yes there are some left out there!) and am REALLY curious about sex and DP. As I have DP I wonder if there is any point me having sex because I may not feel it properly and connect - if you see what I mean. I don't want to have a negative, sad experience and not be able to feel it properly. Do you see what I mean? When I say 'feel' I mean emotionally and physically.

I would like a nice man - I wasn't interested in the past - but now I am.


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

That's interesting. So do you think there is any point to you having sex? I mean do you fully connect with that person/the experience? Or is it just like a physical release - like wanking? Sorry to be crude - but I speak only the truth!


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2005)

Definitely not as good.


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2005)

England said:


> That's interesting. So do you think there is any point to you having sex? I mean do you fully connect with that person/the experience? Or is it just like a physical release - like wanking? Sorry to be crude - but I speak only the truth!


I agree with what DeNiro said.

Are you getting confused between sex and love? I find it hard to 'connect' and I believe I see it as a case of sex on one hand and love on the other and it's very hard to make the two meet.

Maybe I'm reading too much into your post, and I'm sorry if that's the case.


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2005)

For me it helps with the anxiety, I feel much more relaxed afterwards.

I never had sex before I was DPed so I can't compare.


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2005)

DP/DR/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION/STRANGENESS/ doesn't affect my sex drive at all.


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

Umm... am I getting confused between sex and being in love/falling in love? Not sure as I haven't experinced either! As far as I am concerned sex comes after the love (although I'm hardly an expert). I'm sure most enjoy a good sex session but I'm keen on the love bit before the sex. However, who's to say I might meet an amazing hunky guy and wanna rip his clothes off and actully do it!

What I mean by 'connect' is totally be with the experience and feel it all physically and emotionally. I don't see sex on the one hand and love on the other MR Mole. I see it as one in the same (as far as I am concerned I really don't think I'd shag someone unless I was in love with them) Moreover, I respect myself and my body and only want to share myself with someone I love and trust. *Does that make sense?* You might think I am being unrealistic/overly romantic. However, I am not going to get down and dirty unless I get myself a nice guy.

Anyway, I am really interested in this sex and DP thing...

I don't think DP as affected/effected my sex drive either SoulBrotha. I'm just as interested in it! Perhaps I'm rather more interested in the emotional bit rather than the physical act in the last few years. Interesting... please add your comments and your experience and if you have any questions...I'm sure I'll have some for you!


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2005)

SoulBrotha said:


> DP/DR/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION/STRANGENESS/ doesn't affect my sex drive at all.


Doesn't affect mine either. I'd say d.p. doesn't do too much to the sexual experience. Might make you more nervous, but whatever.


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2005)

England's question was about the experience of sex differing with dp, not about sex drive. 
My sex drive has not diminished, but my enjoyment has, and the more dp ed I am, the less I feel my body, the less I enjoy sex.
How can anyone enjoy sex, etc, when they can't feel their body?


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2005)

I guess some of us still feel our bodies?


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

Thanks Beach Girl thats great. So you feel your body less and enjoy it less - that scares me. Does it scare you? Yeah how can u enjoy sex if you can't feel your body?


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## livinginhell333 (Feb 19, 2005)

yea thats what i was thinking, i don't think i would be able to enjoy it at all.


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2005)

If you've never had sex before, why are you concerned about it? Now this depends on your age. If you're young and not ready to have a comitted relationship, don't dive into it. If you're older...well that's different. In any case (sorry, Mr. Religous speaking now), sex was something given to us by God meant to be enjoyed in a loving and fulfilling relationship.

From a married person's perspective (that's me), I find sex thoroughly enjoyable and it hardly ever brings on DP (how could it, when you're feeling so good?). It's actualy quite relaxing afterwards, as it increases your endorphin and serotonin levels.

My sex DRIVE though has gone down after my last onset of DP (just a few months ago). Then again, my 'drive' for almost everything has gone down. It is entirely possible this is a natural result of the anxiety/depression process which I now feel myself going under.


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

Seth I don't think I am overly concerned, just interested in myself and others (especially others' experiences of it) and I have always been curious about sex and love.

I am in my twenties and not at all religious. So do u remember sex before you had DP? Any noticeable difference?


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2005)

> Seth I don't think I am overly concerned, just interested in myself and others (especially others' experiences of it) and I have always been curious about sex and love.
> 
> I am in my twenties and not at all religious. So do u remember sex before you had DP? Any noticeable difference?


Sex is one of those weird conundrums...When two ppl have sex, they become one in essence, and is very important in mainting a marriage; it is an *expression* of love, not love itself (IMHO). Since I've had DP nearly my whole life, nothing has really changed with sex, except that now I find myslef "doing it" just out of fulfilling needs (mine and hers) rather than feeling love. You could say it's a sense of detatchment, as are all things in my life now. DP will do that to you!

-Seth


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## boohoo (Aug 4, 2005)

Anyone want to, er... find out?


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

So for you Seth it is more of a mechanical action? What about when you first met your wife/got married and had sex?

That is interesting what you said Seth...sex is an 'expression of love' not love itself. What does this mean please (IMHO)? What about that phrase 'making love' (I hate that phrase - sounds so sickly sweet) - that is about making it isn't it, not expressing it! What do you think?

Oh and Boohoo: Yeah I'll let you know sweetheart!


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2005)

England said:


> What I mean by 'connect' is totally be with the experience and feel it all physically and emotionally. I don't see sex on the one hand and love on the other MR Mole. I see it as one in the same (as far as I am concerned I really don't think I'd shag someone unless I was in love with them) Moreover, I respect myself and my body and only want to share myself with someone I love and trust.


Lucky you! They're very much two seperate things to me. At least, most of the time.



England said:


> *Does that make sense?*


Yep.


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

Good at least someone understands me!


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2005)

> So for you Seth it is more of a mechanical action? What about when you first met your wife/got married and had sex?
> 
> That is interesting what you said Seth...sex is an 'expression of love' not love itself. What does this mean please (IMHO)? What about that phrase 'making love' (I hate that phrase - sounds so sickly sweet) - that is about making it isn't it, not expressing it! What do you think?


IMHO=In My Humble Opinion

I think I always had DP at some level, and it never used to feel mechanical. I'm just saying that now, during my heightened DP, almost everything feels 'mechanical' as you say - driving, talking, working, meetings, etc., and yes even sex. I think it's some sort of emotional detatchment resulting from DP. My mind has taught itself to tamper down emotional responses, like a natural antidepressant. I remember back when I was on a short stint of Paxil, it was like someone turned my 'emotion chip' *OFF*. That;s when my wife almost left me because I couldn't give her anything - emotionally or sexually.

And that ties in with the "expression of love" I stated earlier. Even when we did have sex, it, by definition, could _not_ be an expression of love because I felt no love towards her, much less anyone else in my life. I fear myslef going in that direction again.


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2005)

SethEaston said:


> > And that ties in with the "expression of love" I stated earlier. Even when we did have sex, it, by definition, could _not_ be an expression of love because I felt no love towards her, much less anyone else in my life. I fear myslef going in that direction again.


Exactly, exactly, exactly.

Couldn't have put it better myself.


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## eclecticsheep (Sep 4, 2005)

how can you guys have sex???
i remember how sex was before dp and how sex is after and there is no reseblance at all.
i still orgasm but it's just a bit of relaxation
is like i am not having sex but someone else
(
i wish it would go away
at least the side effects about sex
on my good days when i feel normal 
i still enjoy it tho...


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

Thanks for your replies - this sure is interesting!

Well its awful to hear eclecticsheep about your experiences. I wonder if there is any point me having sex? I thought it would be a good experience and to show my love for myself and my partner. Maybe I should do it just for the cuddles?? But then if I don't connect with them what's the point? Surely some of you Dp sufferes must be able to enjoy a cuddle and maybe foreplay? :?


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## Guest (Dec 9, 2005)

England said:


> Surely some of you Dp sufferes must be able to enjoy a cuddle and maybe foreplay? :?


You mean on a purely emotional basis? Sure, but I don't feel as 'at one' as I want too/feel I should.


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

Yeah so there is some pleasure to be found from it, that sounds more reassuring 

'Surely some of you Dp sufferes must be able to enjoy a cuddle and maybe foreplay?'

Yeah MR Mole - I mean emotionally and I guess physically aswell. I mean if you can't feel someone hugging you etc :wink: I don't see the point. Personally I don't think I will have that problem as I'm not really suffering from derealisation (thank fuck).

I am an emotional person and easily moved to tears/easily irritated! Always have been, even pre-DP. However, I really like that about myself - the ability to cry. Apparently some people can't cry and when my Psychatrist told me that I cried! I felt so sad for those people!!

Anyway, please keep your comments coming!


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

i dont agree with alot of the things posted here. i guess its all very personal your perception of it either way. i think i should have been born a dude, because i have no problem with no holds barred strait up f##k sessions. and the less emotion involved the better. it could have something to do with the dp im not totally sure. i know im not very good with expressing love and can be downright cold. this of course has alot to do with my past. molestations, abuse, infidelity, med induced mania. yes when i was younger my take on sex was totally different. it was all about the fairy tale, love everlasting, making sweet passion etc. now when i think about that i feel like it was all a dream, and i will never get to experience something that pure. i mean i have had sex with men who have loved and adored me, but i couldnt reciporocate it and it grossed me out. the whole, "making love" thing honestly makes me want to puke. i just dont get it. sex has always been very mechanical for me. so much so that sometimes i disconnect from the experience and i might as well be washing the dishes or something. this is not to say that i dislike sex. quite to the contrary!! i just see it more of a physical release rather than an emotional one.

that being said im sure no one will want to take my sex advice :lol: , but if you really want to do it, just do it. trust me, you aint gonna go to hell or turn into a donkey. sex isnt a big deal. totally overrated in my book. plus since you are a female virgin, the first time is going to totally suck for you, so you might as well get that part over with so you can start enjoying it.


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## Depersonalized (Feb 11, 2005)

sex is for animals, DP is for humans


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Dear England's Dreaming, 
Dont listen to her! She's trying to lead you down the dark path, Luke!!!! Before you pull out the flamethrower, I'm just teasing, SB. Well, now that Sleepy has weighed in on this, I'm just going to have put in my two cents.......Loud groaning all around.......

I think its kind of funny what a clinical bunch we are around here. We try to define everything, get samplings of the population, and predict things that are unpredictable, like how sex is going to be. Of course, since this is DP, we do it with all sorts of other things that cant be answered with words. The meaning of life, why are we here, where do we go, in what capacity do we exist, etc....I agree with some of what SB says. I'm a virgin by choice, and I've gotten very close to having sex. I dont think that you need it, per se, to figure out how it is (and sleepy is probably right in that it seems alot more earthshattering in our heads than it is in reality, but so is everything one daydreams about). I think that once your in a relationship, and I've been in a couple, you can kind of figure it out. I dont think that there's any one way it is going to turn out. You might be DPed one day, and it'll suck. Or your partner, without DP, will be emotionally unavailable, and you wont be DPed, and it will still be unfulfilling. Or like SB, their emotional availablitity could be a turnoff. Or it might be a turn on. It probably depends on how much "practice" you have together, and how well your relationship is going. I've been through the relationship rollercoaster. It starts out with a honeymoon, goes through the "normalizing stage", and then you hit the part where you know each other really well, and see through each other's smokescreens. Pleasantries dont cut it any more, just honesty. This can take 1 month or six, depending on circumstances and maturity. Marriages go through dry spells and great spells. I bet that sex is directly impacted by all of this, and that you go through these cycles in bed. I'm told sex in your twenties is way different than sex at 49. And I'm betting that beyond the large cycles, there are smaller dry spells and great spells in the bedroom, lasting days, weeks, or months. It will depend on how you feel, your partner, your hormones, and your emotional state of mind. Its going to be really bad, really good, and really average on many occasions, like everything in life is wont to be.

I think alot of what you described, SB, can definitely be related to your DP. Dr. Amen finds that people with temporal lobe abnormalities tend to be obsessed with sex, alot of time with odd sexual fantasies. I guess its not just the seat of artistry and reality processing, but also a seat of sexuality. Honestly, I've noticed that as my DP got better, I wasnt having those incredible libido swings I was getting. There's alot of literature on people who have damage temporal lobes having really strong sexual urges too, stronger than average. I can probably concur from personal experience, but I'm hoping that with me it isnt just purely animalistic, but also an expression of romantic love. I think I'm capable of both, but we'll see....

peace
Homeskooled


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## Guest (Dec 11, 2005)

sleepingbeauty, England's_Dreaming, et al:

Just to clarify my position on sex: Yes, for many sex is just mechanical, the fulfilling of a need, a score, or whatever. Unfortunately that is what our world and popular society has made it out to be. I too have a rather horrible sexual past and was very sexualized as a child; I therefore grew up viewing women as objects. I didn't give a SHIT. But when I got married all of that changed. I realized my wife is a beautiful woman to who I should dedicate my body and mind to through a comittment called...marriage. Sex therefore takes on a toally different meaning and that is how it was meant to be.

Don't be fooled. Sex IS a big deal. I can't believe someone would say it's "overrated". Sex is great, especially with someone you LOVE. From experience, when you don't love the person with which you are engaging in a sexual act, it can indeed seem dull or overrated.

England's_Dreaming, don't dismiss sex as something trivial or just a function of life, or even as a casual 'fun' activity. It is the most intense, personal, intimate, and pleasurable act a man and woman can partake of eachother, but it also (potentially) has the largest consequnce - CREATING A LIFE. That is the biggest F-in deal in the world. If you don't understand that, then you have no business doing it in the first place.

Sorry that's my opinion on it, and the last thing I'll say about it (unless someone tries to flaimbait me!!).

-Seth


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

Hi guys and thanks for your posts. I guess everyone's experience is different and mine will be to. Yes and I quite agress with this comment from Seth:

'Sex IS a big deal. I can't believe someone would say it's "overrated". Sex is great, especially with someone you LOVE. From experience, when you don't love the person with which you are engaging in a sexual act, it can indeed seem dull or overrated.' Yes that sounds about right to me!


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

> Don't be fooled. Sex IS a big deal. I can't believe someone would say it's "overrated". Sex is great, especially with someone you LOVE. From experience, when you don't love the person with which you are engaging in a sexual act, it can indeed seem dull or overrated.


dude. maybe you dont know what overrated means or maybe you gotta get reading glasses. i never said it was "dull" or not "great". and FYI i have had sex and been in love and im sorry, but it was still a very mechanical act. yes its nice and awesome and tralala but its no different then eating with the person you love or just sleeping next to the person you love. ive never found sex to be some kind of Oooooooo!!! Oh so Magical Utopian Experience where the holy ghost falls from the sky and starts granting wishes. sorry but dispite the dp i pretty much live in the real world and dont buy that kind of hoodoo nonsense. :roll: and if you tell people that it is some kind of supernatural experience you are just setting them up to be dissappointed.

gee wizz sleepingbeauty, why so defeatist?? 

well because i been there done that. i thought sex was going to be this all powerful event (because of my many years of mindf#cking by the church), and my first experience turned out to be very painful, and very dissappointing. and it was with someone who i loved more then anything and who loved me more then anything. i found out that its not all cotton candy and butterflies and roses. first off, its stink (and im not a big fan of aroma), its messy, and its very like i said, mechanical. ive never found it to be anything but and ive had more sex then anyone should. with people who i loved and loved me back, to people i loved and didnt love me, to people who loved me and i didnt love, to people who i could care less about and who cared less about me. honestly i can say ive never experienced much difference either way. yes its an intimate act, but so are alot of things you do with other people. like just sitting in silence looking at each other. i found those moments to be even more pleasureable then the hump hump part. after the clothes come off there is no more mystery. its just sweat and meat.

im sorry but thats just my opinion on the matter and i never said it was dull. i just meant that the kind of sex the bible sets up is much different then the REALITY.


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

O.K. well we all have our opinion and I am glad you can express yours: Sleepingbeauty.

I have never read the bible, am not going to and am not at all religious, but I am optimistic nevertheless. I think without optimism (whether it be for sex, love, buying clothes, a new dog, life in general) is awful. I used to be a negative thinker, but since I did Cognative Behavioural Therapy a year or so ago, I am a much more of a positive person. And I'll tell you what my life had changed such a lot. Life is more fun. And I actully feel like mating!!!!!!!


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2005)

Got to say I agree with sleepingbeauty on that (I'm a guy).


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2005)

sleepingbeauty -
LOL!
It just goes to show you how subjective an experience sex really is. I'm sorry sex wasn't all it was hyped up to be for you. Believe me, I had a rough start with sex too...I believe the first time I had it was at 10 or 11. I sense alot of cynisism and hostility from you, and I am quite surprised you said the thigns you did:

1. "...but its no different then eating with the person you love or just sleeping next to the person you love "
_You must be really desensitized to sex. Forgive my being rather direct here, but do you ever achieve an orgasm? If you don't, then you'r absolutely right!. In fact, I would probably start wanting to have the TV on or play my GameBoy while doing it.
_

2. (sarcastically) sex doesn't result in "some kind of Oooooooo!!!"
_I never said or implied that it did. But now that I think about it, it IS like "Oooooooo" for me._

3. (sarcastically) sex doesn't result in a "Magical Utopian Experience where the holy ghost falls from the sky and starts granting wishes"
_Now THAT would be cool! Again, I never said or implied this._

4. you don't "buy that kind of hoodoo nonsense"
_What hoodoo nonsense? JEEZ - I'm not selling snake oil!_

5. You imply that I "tell people that it is some kind of supernatural experience you are just setting them up to be dissappointed."
_Whoa Nelly! I never said that either! I was simply trying to frame sex in a moral/religous context because that is my POV. In fact, I don't have a concrete view on this, I just believe it is best enjoyed between two loving people who are comitted (preferably married) to eachother. It's not a condemning statement, just some advice for a person (England's_Dreaming) who has never done it. I was a sexual freak and deviant waaay before I met my wife, and from experience, the best sex I ever had was wiith her._

Of course, that is IMHO. To each his/her own.


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

> 1. "...but its no different then eating with the person you love or just sleeping next to the person you love "
> You must be really desensitized to sex. Forgive my being rather direct here, but do you ever achieve an orgasm? If you don't, then you'r absolutely right!. In fact, I would probably start wanting to have the TV on or play my GameBoy while doing it.


what?? how did you come up with that conclusion?? i never said i didnt like sex or didnt find it pleasureable. if i dont get my yayas out during sex TRUST ME my partner will know it! dude, you totally missed the point of my post. i was saying that though yes.. getting off is very nice, in fact.. i do it all the time even though thats none of your damn business, thats not the most pleasureable part of being intimate. at least not for me. maybe it is for you and i guess that makes you somehow more cool or "experienced" but i doubt it. my being "desensitized" is probably a good thing, because for me, its not just about the point of goo spilling all over the place. its about the moments that live in your memory for all time. when i think back to my best memories of my exes, its their eyes, not their units, that send tingles down to my nether regions. the look on their face, the hugs that would take my breath away. thats what i look back on to remember them. the sex part is just the cherry. but personally i dont need the cherry in order to enjoy the sundae.


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2005)

> but personally i dont need the cherry in order to enjoy the sundae.


...well then I should be all the more thankful for my wife! There actually women out there who enjoy sex for what it is.

...but oh boy, did we get off topic! No hard feelings, ok?

Cheers,
Seth


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

oh god talk about #### for brains. :roll: I.. NEVER ... SAID.. I ... DIDNT... ENJOY .... IT! actually, i bet i enjoy it alot more then your wifey does.

but i still dont think



> It is the most intense, personal, intimate, and pleasurable act a man and woman can partake of eachother


^^^ your words dude not mine.


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2005)

SethEaston said:


> > but personally i dont need the cherry in order to enjoy the sundae.
> 
> 
> ...well then I should be all the more thankful for my wife! There actually women out there who enjoy sex for what it is.
> ...


Hey, Seth, it's not good form to get the last word in and then immediately call a truce. If you want to call a truce, you got to suck it up and refrain from slipping the last word in.


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2005)

> *flamebaiter wrote*:
> 
> oh god talk about #### for brains. Rolling Eyes I.. NEVER ... SAID.. I ... DIDNT... ENJOY .... IT! actually, i bet i enjoy it alot more then your wifey does.


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2005)

beachgirl said:


> Hey, Seth, it's not good form to get the last word in and then immediately call a truce. If you want to call a truce, you got to suck it up and refrain from slipping the last word in.


Thanks for the advice. I'll be sure to follow it the next time SOMEBODY FLAMBAITS ME!!!!


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## England's_Dreaming (Oct 3, 2004)

O.K. then guys lets have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND ALL TRY AND GET ALONG....


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## sunflower (Jun 7, 2005)

I can`t give advice but speak from experience. I am 37, married for the second time and had a let`s say fulfilling sex life.
I had only two experiences of having just sex and both because I was feeling I was misleading them after few months of dating. 
My opinion is that if love is missing sex is not more pleasurable with a partner than alone. Yes, maybe if one needs intimacy it could be reassuring to some degree and could be an option but would never match sex with a person one loves. Having sex with a loved one is a mystic experience that`s consolidating the relationship. It probably sounds ridiculous but although passion decreased in time I am aware I love my husband each time we have sex. In terms of satisfaction I have the best sex life among all my friends (same age as me) who had big no of partners and one night stands.
About dr/dp; when I was young (19-30) the dr/dp subsided when it happened. But than again, it was kind of a significant experience for me because I was attaching a strong connotation to it. (It makes me laugh speaking in these terms but it`s true and I don`t know how else to put it). I think it was because I was totally carried away with the current event, all my senses and attention were directed to it. Now, with hormonal changes and ad, my libido decreased a bit and if I have sex when I don`t have the drive the dr/dp is present. ?And something else I discovered is that antidepressants that increase serotonin are not only decreasing my libido but make the derealization worst.
So I guess having sex with someone you love helps? England_Dreaming, I think that if you can fall in love sex will be great with or without dr/dp.


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