# Psychiatrict Hospital.



## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

Phoned my psychiatriast.

In about one hours time I will be picked up and takin to the psychiatrict hospital.

They have a bed there for me.


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## widescreened (Jun 22, 2005)

The best of luck 2you.Hopefully when you are in you can grow an appetite for life again and end up wanting to rejoin life and living.Seeing and talking to other patients and specialists could also give you a vital perspective on the stage of your life your at and give you a boost in the right direction.


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## M A R S (Jun 24, 2005)

Why? Why must you go?


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

It is a wise man who knows when to call for help. Godspeed!


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I look forward to seeing you post here again, feeling better. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it's hard. But stay strong.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

They dispatched me back home, after a few hours there, gave me Lorazepam.

I seriously feel none of this has even happened, nothing is real NOTHING.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

1mg of Lorazepam to be taken when needed.

15mg Chlordiazeproxide daily (morning).


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

If these dont help I dunno whats going to happen to me.

I WILL slip from reality 100%. I WILL lose my mind.... as really... i already have.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

I dont understand things, my memory is awful.

I dont even feel it was me who just posted these posts.

This has to be something more than DP/DR?


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## Monkeydust (Jan 12, 2005)

I was under the impression that you'd be staying there for a couple of weeks, rather than just popping in.

But perhaps this goes to the heart of the issue. If the Doctors didn't think you needed to stay - and people very often stay in psychiatric hospitals for things other than psychosis - then that shows that they genuinely didn't think your symptoms were _that_ worrying.

I am *not* saying that you aren't in a terrible way right now, you clearly feel awful and are having terrible symptoms, but you have _not _ lost your mind, you _will_ not lose your mind, and you will *not * slip from reality.

You really have to realize this, and believe it, if you want to make steps towards a recovery. There is no other way. It's these thoughts that fuel the symptoms.

Hope it starts improving in time,
MonkeyD


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## Dreamland (Jun 1, 2005)

Lorazepam rocks...!!!! I've taken it like six times before bed times about two years ago. I calms you down and is by far the best benzo out there. Try to use it only on an as needed basis......it can be addictive.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

I was to stay in, but the psych. felt it would be better at home as a new environment would probably make me worse.

Does anyone else feel this mind reset thing.

Like its like u havent done what u have just done.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

Even in a calm state I'm still suffering this.

There is no possible option to bring back my reality.

I can't even eat anything, one bite of something and I feel I'm gonna throw up.

I know I've said this a thousand times, but it feels as though none of this is actually happening.

Only escape is sleep, and well, I feel I don;t even know what that is.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

This is only getting worse... the end up has to be a complete slip from reality or a brain illness (dead).


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## Rektchordz (Feb 6, 2005)

are u sure this is just dp?? cus it sounds badddddd... has something brought this on like alchol .. or the lack of it?(withdrawel) i didnt think dp could go to these levels without the help of pushing it with something.. ive felt unbearable dp a couple of times after extremly heavy drinking and if ur like that all the time then thats fucking harsh!! how the meds doing for u?


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

I took Lorazepam about 2 hours ago.

I'm calm, that is it, the DP/DR is still there.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

I just can't find the words to describe the "not being here" feeling along with the feeling that I don't know what anything is and also the mind reset.

I personally don't think theres a comeback from these feelings and im not sure if they are just DP/DR.

Anyone else?


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

in my first, and worst episode of dp, i really had died and was in inescapable terror. *total awareness of non existence*. physical death wasn't an option as i knew i would remain in that unbearable state. of course you can't eat. you just have to live through it second by bloody second.

you also need to know that the kind of intense state you're in can only last so long and then it starts to lift


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

Do u feel you have forgotten who you are along with others around you, even objects?


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

Monkeydust said:


> I am *not* saying that you aren't in a terrible way right now, you clearly feel awful and are having terrible symptoms, but you have _not _ lost your mind, you _will_ not lose your mind, and you will *not * slip from reality.
> 
> You really have to realize this, and believe it, if you want to make steps towards a recovery. There is no other way. It's these thoughts that fuel the symptoms.


I second that, Imagine. Don't give it the thought. Don't feed the monster. You have to ignore it long enough to give it room to let up some. Then you can possibly get into therapy to tie loose ends. Please, try your hardest to STOP questioning. STOP worrying you will be mad or nuts or insane. You seem totally sane. The only thing I see is an anxious depersonalized person. You will pull through my man, you just have to believe you will.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

I try to forget about it.

But when I go to do something as simple as take a sip of water... the world is tilted and I feel I don;t know what the hell I'am doing.


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

Yeah, that's what this is about. But that's when you just ignore it. You just have to trudge through, knowing that you are fine. BEAT THIS. Second by second. Day by day. Everytime you ignore a disturbing thought or feeling you start your recovery. START NOW!!


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## livinginhell333 (Feb 19, 2005)

imagine i feel the same exact way you do. i have no answers. i have been looking for them. the thing is i know i'm not crazy and i'm not goin to lose my mind, but i feel all the same things you do and if its not dp/dr then i don't know what it could be for me, i've had every physical test done so its nothing physical. but yea even takin a sip of water and picking up a glass is hard for me and then i don't remember doing it. i don't even get thirsty i just drink water cuz i need it. most of the time i don't know what i'm doing and i just want it to end.

a hospital won't do me any good as i feel it could make me worse, but its just hard to do anything when you feel nothing and nothing seems real and you feel like you have lost your life. i try to go outside play with my dog shoot some hoops, but it just feels like nothing, but i'd rather be doing that than just being in a hospital. idk, but its hard when everything is fake. espiaically family and objects around you. just hang in there, thats what i been told, but how long can someone hand in there for?


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

bat said:


> in my first, and worst episode of dp, i really had died and was in inescapable terror. *total awareness of non existence*. physical death wasn't an option as i knew i would remain in that unbearable state. of course you can't eat. you just have to live through it second by bloody second.
> 
> you also need to know that the kind of intense state you're in can only last so long and then it starts to lift


Dear Imagine,

I don't know your whole story, but I can identify at least with what *bat* has said. I have had hideous episodes like this sometimes lasting a few days, sometimes a few hours, and then as *bat* says for some inexplicable reason "it starts to lift."

I'd say the fact they didn't keep you in hospital is you didn't indicate you were a harm to yourself or others. I also agree that being in familiar surroundings, being around your dog (sorry that was *livinghell's* post -- pets have always been of some comfort to me, etc. is important. *It doesn't mean that you aren't in Hell.*

Simply know I have felt this way. I then return to my chronic DP/DR. But mind you, it has been I'd say about 8 months, and for the first time in I don't know when, I have had no dips into the Hell like this.

I can't say I understand the "mind reset" you described, but I know what it's like to literally not be able to eat, pick up the phone, even move.

*My thoughts are with you. I believe this will pass. Have faith in that. And try everything in your power to distract yourself, no matter what it is, how small, how mundane -- it counts.*

I have been on a long roller coaster ride with all of this. Therapy (individual and group), meds, time have all helped. Believe it.

Take Care,
Dreamer


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2005)

best of luck Imagine, Psychiatric hospitals aren't exactly great places to go, however I hope you get some help there.

I also love how when I made that post about my father I didn't get any Dreamer esque type advice, although I did get good advice from Terri and others, it woulda been nice to hear from an umm * cough expert cough* on the matter.

oh well

pops is home from the psych ward & is doin better now

and again good luck Imagine, you'll be in my prayers man


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Imagine - what did they say to you at the hospital? I can't believe they just gave you some drugs and sent you home, especially if it's on the advice of a psychiatrist. Did you explain how you feel and how it's destroying your life?

Chlordiazeproxide is used, most commonly, for alcohol withdrawal. Don't you dare take it and then have a drink.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

Alcohol is out my life for a long time.

The Psych. thought it would be better me at home because the new unpleasent environment of a psych. hospital might make me worse.

I have found Lorazepam to work wonders for calming me down but thats it, the extreme DP/DR is still present.

*What is stirring my fears is my memory and how I feel I have no knowledge of this board, of my own life or anything else.

Like my brain has been wiped clean... is this part of all this?*


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## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

you will be fine...ive had mad spells like this and i still have times when everything feels as though im tripping out,the trouble is you are (understandably)adding more fuel to the fire by getting more and more anxious so try your best to chill out,its fucking tough and this shit is awful...i even wake everyday and think to myself 'here we go again' its like self torture but you will feel better once the anxiety subsides


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

Its just... I remain to think how is it possible to get these feelings of normality back when you have been so far and beyond.

I feel I have no knowledge of my past, my present, my life as a whole and everything that has to do with existance.


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

Thats it! Thats the best way to describe it.

*I feel I have no knowledge of my past, my present, my life as a whole and everything that has to do with existance.*

I dunno what the fuck anything is.


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## SillyPutty (Mar 29, 2005)

I suggest reading Janines basic description of DP/DR again. These symptoms sound typicall. For example I would get up to walk somewhere and think "what am I doing", I would wake up sometimes and and think "what am I (human), who am I".

TV is what helped distract me the most ,only because you don't have to do anything except lay there. You MUST continue to occupie your mind. It may only work for a minute at time in the beginning, but keep doing it and keepdoing it until you get a breakthrough!!

Also, do the things you know to do, listen to relaxing music,go for a walk,etc. FOrce yourself to them even if it feels weird.

You said it feels like you don't know things like about this board, well obviously you do 'cause you are able to get back here each time, you feel like you don't know who you are, obviously you do 'cause you had to give them your information at the hospital,right?

People who have "lost it" are not aware that they have lost it. You are completly aware of your condition, thats the difference.

Lifting you up.
SP


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

Imagine, everything you say starts with "I feel". Don't let feelings control you! You control your mind. The more you take control of your mind, the quicker you return to feeling normal. Recovery doesn't happen overnight! Be patient......


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

I know I say "I Feel" because I do know what things are and I can name them, I do know who Iam (but i still have trouble connecting to my past)

I just wanna know if anyone else has experienced it to the extreme where they felt they where gone all together.


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## SillyPutty (Mar 29, 2005)

YES YES and YES. You feel like a body with no personality. You fell like Imagine is someone you used to know. You look at things that you used to enjoy and wonder if you really ever did because you have no opinion of them either way now, which is what worries you, "I used to love to ____ .I think. Maybe my memories of myself are made up."

Is this close?


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## falling_free (Nov 3, 2004)

Imagine said:


> I know I say "I Feel" because I do know what things are and I can name them, I do know who Iam (but i still have trouble connecting to my past)
> 
> I just wanna know if anyone else has experienced it to the extreme where they felt they where gone all together.


Yes , for he last year and a half I have felt as if Im a literal void. most of the time when I talk it feels as if there is no one talking. it feels as if my soul is gone but my physical body is still here.

communication is preety pointless for me.

so I will shut up


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

I really can't take this feeling of nothingness.

Like I don't know anything and I feel 100% non-existant.

I CAN'T TAKE IT.


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## Kelson12 (Aug 10, 2004)

Imagine said:


> I really can't take this feeling of nothingness.
> 
> Like I don't know anything and I feel 100% non-existant.
> 
> I CAN'T TAKE IT.


Imagine...I'm feel pretty shitty right now. And I understand your pain, trust me. And I am not being harsh here...but posting on here over and over again will really not help. Honestly, it will make you feel worse. You gotta try to go do other stuff. Do you work? Do you go to school? Do you live by yourself? Do you have friends who you can talk to? Find a good book and pick it up and read it. Take a nice walk. Again, not trying to be mean....but I took a hint from a Soulbrotha and finally came to the realization that posting the same thing over and over and over again on here doesn't help at all. Ya just gotta get on with life to a certain degree. Don't let this thing eat you alive. Ya just can't. As hard as it is, ya just can't. 
Ya gotta do something with yourself. Even if it seems like something small...that's a step forward. You aren't gonna be cured over night. And by posting over and over that you feel like you are gonna lose it...sure it feels good to post it and feel like by someone magically responding to your post, you will feel instantly better. But as much as it sucks...it's not gonna happen. You gotta put effort into distracting yourself from it. You are seeing a doctor and taking meds. What else can you do right now?? You gotta fight the monster head on. Don't let it get to you.

Take care.

Kelson


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## Imagine (Oct 24, 2004)

I apologize for my annoying and obsessive posts, but anything I try to do to take my mind of it seems to flare up the demon.

And... I really can't take it getting worse than it already is.


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## SillyPutty (Mar 29, 2005)

I have to agree with Kelson. I had to leave for a few weeks too while I was getting better. Your posts are not annoying to us, its just the more you keep saying it, the more it becomes real for you, the power of suggestion ya know. And yes when you step out you feel weird but try to embrace the feeling,knowing it's normal for us with DP/DR.

It's like trying to quit smoking. Everytime you start to crave one you think I can't take this, I hate this feeling. But you have to realize the cravings (or DP/DR feeling) WILL go away, it is fact. Many people have gone before you and succeeded.

But the only way out is through!! Just like the smoker you will try to find a way to do it without having to go through the feeling but there isn't one.

*the only way out is through!!!!!!!!*


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

with me the 'I' was missing so everything was still there around me but foreign as there was no 'me' to relate to it, only fear. everything was more real than real, vast and cold. i couldn't bear it either so you're not alone there. waking up into it in the morning was always the worst for me.

this time does pass. with me it was a gradual thing. when it first started to lessen slightly i just walked the city every day as i didn't know what else to do and i couldn't bear it. as it eased off more i was able to make myself do stuff and get physically exhausted and eat so my body got healthier. things started to get better then and i could wake up in the morning and not have that nothingness as my first horrible awareness.

i never came across the word dp until a few years after this episode so i didn't know that this would end. all i thought was that i had somehow 'blown my mind'.

i can tell you that this does end. it may be a slow recovery process and you may be 'fragile' for some time but it will go. the intensity you're experiencing at the moment won't last much longer.


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