# Does DP feel "hallucinogenic" to anyone??



## dpdpaulson (Dec 30, 2005)

Hey all, this topic gets beaten into the ground and, like most, has no definitive answer, but I'm wondering for how many of you, drug induced or otherwise, this feels almost hallucinogenic? Like being slightly high??

For a brief update, I just got my Peter Levine books from Amazon (thanks 1A!) and I'm going through them relating to a lot. But for me it's not such a clear cut case of trauma. Rather than fearing my physical demise, what brought this on for me was fearing a mental demise, which seems equally horrific.

Strangely enough, I just finished midterms and did very well, A's on all of them, but I have no idea how. Lots of studying actually paid off, go figure! But the feeling of accomplishment or relief is almost non-existent because my worries have instantly refocused on this out-of-it, pseudo-psychedellic, trippy feeling. Does anyone else, especially those not drug induced, feel like they're just slightly "high"??

Thanks guys, it's also great to hear that some are starting to relax with their symptoms a little more. I've had that happen in the past and it feels great, at the time it seemed like a cure itself. Hope everyone is doing well, or at least better.

Greg


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Yes I feel very hallucinogenic.

I am still tripping on acid/shrooms after 9 years of being off the drugs  .


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## The Wraith (Feb 2, 2006)

I don't know if it is still "tripping". I always felt high, I always acted high even before I did drugs. But the dp gets confused as hallucinating because of the fear of slipping into a state like that again. I bet if someone who had dp/dr tripped again they would feel completley different than they do now. I could be wrong though.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> I bet if someone who had dp/dr tripped again they would feel completley different than they do now. I could be wrong though.


Yes it would get much, much worse, I know this because I was dumb enough to continue to use these drugs after I got DP/DR. What I have now is like an after image of the trip I originally had. When I was useing the drugs, I was so far gone that the only thing I could do is sit in a mental hospital for the rest of my life and stare at a wall screaming. Gladly I am not that fried anymore, but I am still tripping.


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## dpdpaulson (Dec 30, 2005)

God that must've sucked Lostone, glad to hear you're at least no longer screaming at a wall somewhere! Congrats btw on your window of recovery, it's got to be so comforting to _know_ you'll be abe to get back there once the "life issues" have calmed down. Did you're mental trip clear up a bit when this happened?


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## dpdpaulson (Dec 30, 2005)

Good point Wraith, I think it's similar, but actually quite different than being on acid. It's just scary a scary reminder that makes recovery seem hopeless. I'm not really "on a permanent acid trip", it's nowhere near hat intense on its own. This thing varies in intensity and isn't as all-consuming as an actual trip.

Also, I could always find a feeling of "high" even between binges of smoking pot when I was in high school, way before the "official" DP set in. And if I smoke pot I get SERIOUSLY dissociated (which is why I no longer smoke pot :wink: ).

But I wonder if non-drug induced folks who've tried pot or acid in the past would say that the feeling is hallucinogenic...


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> God that must've sucked Lostone, glad to hear you're at least no longer screaming at a wall somewhere! Congrats btw on your window of recovery, it's got to be so comforting to know you'll be abe to get back there once the "life issues" have calmed down. Did you're mental trip clear up a bit when this happened?


Sorry I was not that clear. I never sat in a hospital when I was on acid but if my trip would not have went away that is where I would be right now. My screaming was mostly just inside my own head but it was very intense. The extreams of my bad trips only lasted for the duration of the drug that I was on. If I smoke just a little pot these days though, I will trip like that for the rest of the day. Right now I would say that I am experiencing a trip that would be the same as a normal 2 dose trip of acid. But this is still a bad trip because of the DP/DR. I can sort of put my finger on some of the diffrences of my tripping feeling and the DP/DR. For one thing I have not read to many post about people looking in the mirror and seeing there face move all over the place, like my face is melting or something. Actually everyone looks like they are melting to me. This visual is more like HPPD then DP/DR I think. It is important that I stay active because the more I sit around, the more symptoms I have of both my flashbacks and my DP/DR.


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## The Wraith (Feb 2, 2006)

dpdpaulson said:


> Good point Wraith, I think it's similar, but actually quite different than being on acid. It's just scary a scary reminder that makes recovery seem hopeless. I'm not really "on a permanent acid trip", it's nowhere near hat intense on its own. This thing varies in intensity and isn't as all-consuming as an actual trip.
> 
> Also, I could always find a feeling of "high" even between binges of smoking pot when I was in high school, way before the "official" DP set in. And if I smoke pot I get SERIOUSLY dissociated (which is why I no longer smoke pot :wink: ).
> 
> But I wonder if non-drug induced folks who've tried pot or acid in the past would say that the feeling is hallucinogenic...


I think it all has to do with memory. If you spend so much time being high or drunk. I think that the brain can learn to function only when it is intoxicated. It might sound like a loose theory, but I am sure it is out there somewhere. I am too tired to go into it, I also have a bad case of those little bright spots at the moment and can't be bothered to look at the computer screen. But I know what you mean. For me it is a high feeling. That and I always feel either invisible, which sounds absurd, or I feel like I am going to implode. As if a black hole exists inside me, and not a metaphorical void either. These are the thoughts of a madman, and I am terrified that I am going crazy. I don't regret anything though. Even smoking pot or tripping on shrooms in the past. It was a life experience. But, I tend to have dp worse around 2 hours before I fall asleep and a few hours after I wake up.


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

I tripped on shrooms, pot, and DXM and only had a couple of experiences here and there. However my DP has taken on a more physical "high" feeling to it and my perception seems to be very distorted. I have This feeling where it seems as if the floor is slightly rubbery or like I'm just going to randomly collapse (hasn't happened). My depth perception can sometimes be very very messed up. I still see the pavement swirl slightly and undulate. One of the more disturbing feelings is the feelin of being off balance and also as if I might "come out" of my physical body. The DP is fairly constant but the associated perceptual distortions come and go at different times with varying intensity. For example right now I feel like a combination of being drunk/stoned. This is an extremely disturbing feeling and alot of respect has to go out to anyone who deals with this at a high intensity all the time, yet still lives a normal life.


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

it feels more like a dissociative then a standard hallucinogen to me. it feels almost like dxm or a light dose of nitrous oxide. that kind of spacy feeling i get on those type of drugs is very distinct from the high i get on the more traditional hallucinogens like magic mushrooms or lsd. a accurate analogy would be that the tryptamine hallucinogens are life and the dissociatives are death. thats what dp/dr feels like to me. even though i sometimes like that feeling as well. i havent tried hallucinogens in years but they seemed to always have a positive effect on the way i saw reality. even though i didnt know i had dp/dr back then i still knew that there was something wrong with me. its only recently ive been able to put a name to it.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> i havent tried hallucinogens in years but they seemed to always have a positive effect on the way i saw reality.


Thats because you have never had a bad trip. 
You don't want to know how bad a bad trip can really be. I will set myself on fire before I would drop acid again.


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

ive had bad trips and some really scary ones at that. you know that feeling that you get that your brain is going to be like this forever. its very much like a panic attack actually. ive spent hours just thinking horrible black thoughts. strangely enough after these horrible terrifying trips i actually felt better then coming down from a good one. its like waking up from a nightmare almost. the sunlight looks brighter the grass looks greener and everything smells fresher. its like your reborn or something. and yes i know that sounds corny. everyone has a different perspective on events like these so i can understand how you would feel different. there is a difference between a "bad trip" and a psychotic break however. ive never had one of those. im sorry that you had such a rough time with the stuff.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> its like waking up from a nightmare almost.


Yeah thats a pretty good description of how it feels to come down from a bad trip but I have not come all the way down yet myself. I don't think that I ever will fully come down, but I am sure that I can live a pretty normal lifestyle because I am able to deal with the way I feel much better these days. I don't think that I have had a psychotic break but I have come very close to that when I was useing drugs.

I would like to here what non drug induced DP/DR people think about this thread, because I wonder just how DP/DR feels exactly for those people that have not taken hallucinogens. It is hard for me to tell where my DP/DR ends and where my hallucinogen symptoms begin. It is a little surprising to me that anyone could get DP/DR without useing drugs because it is such a strange experience.


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## jft (Jan 10, 2005)

I indeed was a drug user but the night of onset of dp/dr I was straight as an arrow. But it "came on" as if I had jsut dropped a hit of acid or toked a pcp lace joint, but I had not taken any illegal drugs for a couple days if I remember right. The night of onset I was just making out with my girlfiend and wham it came on. I remember feeling real self conscious just before it occured. To me I was sure it was an acid flashback because it was so similiar in feeling and sensory phenom (visual). It became chronic from day one, never leaving, although it did get less intense.

I tend now to think that while I was doing acid or blowing weed that I was having the same dr/dp that others experience that never did drugs, and then when it came to me as a chonic condition without doing drugs that I jsut associated it all with drug use. Or I was having my own personal flavor of dp/dr that included a "stone" I do not know, but I do know that for now a good label for me and for some others over at hppdonline is to call this "disorder" "hppd/dp/dr/feels like acid disorder" because it does indeed feel so hallucinogenic. But I have always said that it would be great to get one hundred dr/dp folks who have never done drugs and 100 who did drugs and put them in the same room and really try to compare notes the best we could as what we REALLY experience. As we all know it is SO darn difficult to communicate what it is like to be stoned or dp/dr'd to anyone who has been neither. It could be the non did folks just feel "stoned" as well. Funny how it used to be fun to sit with your buds and talk while stoned about how unreal everything seemed and looked.
jft


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## Guest (Mar 12, 2006)

i suffer from DP but only did pot a handful (12-15) of times in my life. having DP sometimes feels like being high to me. i can't stand it 'cause, much like being high, you just can't snap out of it.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> Funny how it used to be fun to sit with your buds and talk while stoned about how unreal everything seemed and looked.


My God jft, that is what drove me so nutts when I first got DP/DR.
Me and my friends used to have the most wonderful acid talk around. We could sit for hours together and talk acid talk and none of us would freak each other out. It drove me nutts that I went even further out then they could reach me anymore  . Even when they were on acid, they just could not follow me to the place I went to for some reason. It is so sad that something that used to be so much fun could be turned into such a hellish nightmare  .

jft I was also with my girlfriend when I got my first DP/DR feeling. It came on so quick for no reason and all I was doing was smoking pot but it was some strong ass pot. I had to take my girlfriend home because I was so freeked out. I could not even tell her how I felt even though I used to be able to tell her everything. I ended up breaking up with her and never even telling her why. I know that I borke her heart but I did not want to ruin her life by bringing her down with me  . I spent many nights crying about her and thinking that I made a big mistake by not talking to her about my insainity. My past is something I wish that I could not remember, it causes me to much pain to think about.


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

lostone that sounds horrible. what do you mean you never came down from the bad trip exactly? do you see color trails or any of thats stuff on a daily basis? or is it just the emotional aspect of it.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

The emotional aspect of it I consider to just be DP/DR but I do have visuals sometimes. The biggest thing is just the strangeness of everything, things don't look right for some reason. I know that a lot of DP/DR people say the same thing but things look really, really strange to me. Sometimes I can't even look at someones face because it looks so "off" like there eyes are in the wrong spot, or like their face is melting or something. It is very awkward sometimes. I do see trails but not very often and it is usually just out of the corner of my eye. I often have to look and see if a rat is running around on the floor or something because thats what it looks like sometimes. Sometimes it is smaller and it looks like a small bug or somthing just ran across the floor but then when I look to see what it is, there is nothing there. I also get afterimages sometimes and this is probably the worst thing because it actually hurts my eyes sometimes. Looking at the computer or T.V. to long is the worst thing and if I sit at the computer to long I will get an after image almost as strong as the one you would get from looking at the sun. The visuals are not nearly as disturbing as the social impact of all this on my life though and I would be happy to live with HPPD all my life if I could just fuction normaly in the social department. The feelings of all this is much worse then anything going on in my vision.

P.S. I have came down from my acid and shroom experience but they have left a major imprint in my mind.


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## Guest (Mar 13, 2006)

Well, since it was asked, I'll talk because mine was not induced by drugs. Mine happened because of lack of sleep.  For two nights I was tired and couldnt' sleep all that well. Plus I had a lot going on at that point. The third night... I slept from 2:30am-5:30am with very broken sleep. I was out of it the next day, and I couldn't shake the feeling of being "unreal". That was it for me. The feeling wont go away. There are other possible factors that I hope to resolve soon, though.

But because of my way of how this came about (Note, though, I have used marijuana, but only 4 or 5 times and that was years ago. I did have a bad episode once, but I can differentiate that from DP/DR. That was totally different) I feel that you CAN come back from this, and it's very much a thought process. Again, there are other things that I hope to use to combat this, though.


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

ya i know what you mean by the faces being off and weird stuff like that. when i was tripping id see stuff like people with 2 different faces on both sides of there head or there being 2 eyes on 1 side of there head. i found this to happen much more often with shrooms though. i always found them to have a much more visual aspect to them. i used to love making faces at myself in the mirror lol i could do that for hours at a time. but i imagine that would be a shitty thing to live with all the time. my dp/dr existed long before i ever came across drugs so i dont know how mine compares to yours.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> i found this to happen much more often with shrooms though. i always found them to have a much more visual aspect to them.


Shrooms are much more visual in nature I think but I was doing both drugs at the same time so I am not sure wich one is directly responsible for most of this.



> i used to love making faces at myself in the mirror lol i could do that for hours at a time.


I still do that to this day. I have freeked myself out many times by looking into the mirror. I lived in a room once that had a mirror set up so that I could put one huge mirror behind me and then one in front of me. :shock: It was crazy, it was like I could see all the dimentions of me that exist or something. I am glad that I did not look into the mirror like that during the hight of my drug experience because I would have probably freeked out totally by looking at myself like that. Usually I feel like my reflection is really a diffrent person and I even feel like telling that person to f off sometimes because I feel like my reflection is mocking me or something. It is a very crazy feeling to feel detached from your own reflection. There are not even words for the feeling. :shock:


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## university girl (Aug 11, 2004)

Yes, when I look in the mirror I say ask myself if I am really seeing me. Then I feel like it isn't me. I am still high after 10 years. I know sleeping beauty also describes her DP/DR as being high (and drunk). It's horrid.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

University girl your DP/DR symptoms always sound a lot like mine. You must have done some strong weed to get the strong symptoms that you get. Some of your symptoms sound like the symptoms that you would get from acid. Are you sure that your weed was not laced with anything?


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

the chances of getting laced weed are pretty rare. youd notice the smell of pcp if that was what was on it. it smells like rotting garbage or something. thats one thing i wouldnt go near.


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

ive noticed that when ive gotten extremely bad bouts of depersonalization its kind of resembles when your really really drunk and totally out of it. you dont feel like your yourself at all. its almost like your watching yourself do all these things. ive actually gotten so drunk that ive hallucinated. its a dissociative so that would make sense.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> ive noticed that when ive gotten extremely bad bouts of depersonalization its kind of resembles when your really really drunk and totally out of it.


I keep reading that people say it feels like your really really drunk but I have no idea what anyone is talking about when they say that. Maybe I don't really have DP/DR I don't know, but whatever I have it is nothing like being drunk at all. Actually being drunk is one of the only things that make me feel any better. I once feared becoming a homeless drunk for the rest of my life because for a few months all I did was drink and I felt sort of normal for those few months because of the heavy drinking. As far as I am concerned the feeling I get when I am drunk is awesome. The only reason I am not a total alcoholic is because of my religion and the sad fact that alcohol destroys the liver and the brain tissue, but the feeling I get from drinking is the most wonderful feeling that I can possible have. I think that some of you are just drinking the wrong beverage. Red Wine is a much better high then a dark lager high. I would imagen that to much dark lager would make you feel pretty bad after awhile.
Or maybe I don't have DP/DR but some other form of torture :?, I don't know.


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

well im not talking about the kind of drunk you get off a few glasses of red wine. im talking about downing a 26oz bottle of whiskey in half an hour then procedding to go out and drink some more. that stage of drunkeness feels somewhat similar to the extreme bouts of depersonalization ive had. you almost feel as if your outside your body. when ive gotten that drunk i never even felt typically drunk like staggering or anything like that i was just totally gone. i could see how a few glasses of red wine might help someone with dp/dr. it can calm you down abit without getting you really hammered and wine is a much more mellower drunk.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> well im not talking about the kind of drunk you get off a few glasses of red wine. im talking about downing a 26oz bottle of whiskey in half an hour then procedding to go out and drink some more. that stage of drunkeness feels somewhat similar to the extreme bouts of depersonalization ive had. you almost feel as if your outside your body. when ive gotten that drunk i never even felt typically drunk like staggering or anything like that i was just totally gone. i could see how a few glasses of red wine might help someone with dp/dr. it can calm you down abit without getting you really hammered and wine is a much more mellower drunk.


When I would drink my red wine, I would drink2-3 bottles at a time. I drink red wine because it don't make me sick like whiskey will. When I get to drunk, I will just end up passing out somewhere. I sort of understand what your talking about though I guess because the feeling you get just before you pass out is kinda like DP/DR, but DP/DR just hurts more. DP/DR has a pain aspect with it that I don't get from drinking. Then again I don't drink much whiskey because that will make me so sick that it will become even more painful then DP/DR on the following morning.


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

> > When I would drink my red wine, I would drink2-3 bottles at a time. I drink red wine because it don't make me sick like whiskey will. When I get to drunk, I will just end up passing out somewhere. I sort of understand what your talking about though I guess because the feeling you get just before you pass out is kinda like DP/DR, but DP/DR just hurts more. DP/DR has a pain aspect with it that I don't get from drinking. Then again I don't drink much whiskey because that will make me so sick that it will become even more painful then DP/DR on the following morning.


 2-3 bottles of red wine would give me a hangover that would last about a week lol. i usually drank hard liquor or beer. vodka i found paticularly bad for producing this depersonalized state. i could drink nearly a whole 26oz bottle of it and not feel anything then all of a sudden it would hit me. id be totally gone but still functional to some extent. i have never passed out from liquor alone. i have drank 40ozers of vodka or whiskey in one night and never passed out. id be so far gone that it felt like i wasent in control of my own actions. i wasent there anymore. thats what a really bad depersonalization episode feels like to me.


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

When I feel "drunk" from DP its mostly the physical feelings of being drunk. Take all of the physical limitations of drunkenness, minus the euphoria, and add extreme anxiety, depression, and dissociation and thats how I feel. The world is distorted but its not funny or enjoyable in any sense. Its almost a physical manifestation of the psychological terror I'm going through. When you feel as if you are losing all aspects of your humanity, the last thing you want to experience are visual distortions of your environment. Its as if the only thing that could anchor you back to reality has been corrupted by your mind as well. It's horrible, and personally all I want to feel is like a normally functioning human being. I'll rarely touch alcohol because while it is different than this experience, I don't want to alter my consciousness anymore than it has already been altered.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

comfortably numb

Dude you need to cut back a little if you haven't already. :wink:

Drinking that amount of vodka makes me sick to just even think about. I will drink a whole keg of red wine before I would drink that amount of vodka all at once. I can understand how vodka could make you feel DP/DR that stuff is nasty and wicked.



> I'll rarely touch alcohol because while it is different than this experience, I don't want to alter my consciousness anymore than it has already been altered.


Scattered that is a good idea for all of us I think.


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

> > comfortably numb
> >
> > Dude you need to cut back a little if you haven't already.
> >
> > Drinking that amount of vodka makes me sick to just even think about. I will drink a whole keg of red wine before I would drink that amount of vodka all at once. I can understand how vodka could make you feel DP/DR that stuff is nasty and wicked.


 dont worry i quit drinking heavily about 2 years ago if i had kept that up id be dead or in jail now. i still have the occasional beer every now and then but thats pretty rare.


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## Guest (Mar 14, 2006)

I'd have to agree. I've cut back on drinking a LOT because the psychological effects of being drunk arealmost the same as DP/DR and only aggrivate it for me.

But it's interesting that DP/DR is not as bad while drinking. It might have to do with the depressant effect of alcohol. It might just relax somone and let reality come to them rather than overanalyzing things and having anxiety. Just a thought.

But if that's the case... I'd rather try yoga or something than being drinking all the time.


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## skEwb (Mar 5, 2005)

Hey LOSTONE first let me just say this forum is great and was very helpful to me. I came here when this site was very small and developing but to make my story short.. It doesn't help to dwell in it much bro. I noticed you have 900 something posts, what helped me snap out of it was to get away from this forum and these type of thoughts.

Go outside or socialize at work, you wont believe how helpful it will be to actually interact with humans instead of focusing on mirrors or computers. I know it's hard at first but it can be done, took me a year+ to become better. My DP came on from weed/shrooms a lot of them in a short time... Your mind/brain is like any other part in your body takes as long as your age is to develop, but not too long to mess it up, so the healing process is long too. Good luck and best luck to everyone!


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## Beth (Sep 27, 2004)

I haven't taken mushrooms or acid, but I spent a long time before I knew what dp was reading trip reports for those drugs because they described what I was feeling and perceiving. I got this from weed, and have probably made it worse with alcohol and nitrous, which are the only two (non-prescription) drugs I still use, but have also in the past used coke, and codeine and dp has at times reminded me of every single drug I've tried and lots that I haven't. I've had a lot more visual experiences not on drugs than I ever had on drugs. But the one episode with weed that got me here was a full on trip, it was oral not smoked and I thought I was made of dust and dead and all sorts of things, and I was completely overcome with fear then I just stopped existing. And slipping back into that state and the horror of it was was dp was for me for about the first two years I had it.


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## strigoi (Jun 27, 2006)

My DR was not like hallucinating at all, well at least in a good way. I think of hallucinating as seeing smoke rise off a carpet, or a wire turn into a snake, yet you aren't scared because you know your just tripping. I would classify DR/DP as closer to delerium, at least it was for me, I didnt' see anything off key but felt weird and the world looked fake, and it wasn't fun because I knew I wasn't tripping.

Beth, you said you think alcohol and nitrous made your condition worse. That brings up a point that I believe. I actually found light- moderate amount of alcohol or dissicociatives (ketamine was the only I tried) made the DR/DP go away or at least tone down for a while, although I don't know if I would make it worse in the long run. I think these two 'drugs' just allow most people to let go of there anibitions and fears, there by letting go of the DR/DP feelings and just going with the flow.


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## Guest (Aug 10, 2006)

Ive done salvia and weed. Ive hallucinated twice on weed first one i saw 2 kids with no heads and no feet waiting for their parents after school. Other one was the grim reaper popping out from a tree and popping back behind. I did salvia while dp'd/dr'd and it was pretty intense. Never did acid or shrooms though dont want to get hppd.


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## salgal (May 11, 2006)

The hallucinogenic nature of my DP/DR is what makes this condition so debillitating to me. At its worst I get melting, zooming images with trails; I feel like I'm walking in quicksand, and things are screwed up audibly as well. It's just like a bad LSD trip.

I had a serious drug problem for a long time, but I have been clean and sober for 20 years. DP didn't hit until 8 years ago. I had a psychiatrist that suggested that maybe my symptoms were LSD flashbacks, but I don't think so.

Hey - I'm kinda new here and made my first post here a couple of weeks ago and no one replied. Coincidently, I touched on this topic. Iwould feel much less rejected if someone would go back a few pages to July 27(?) "longing for a real diagnosis" and give me their 2 cents worth.

salgal


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## Angela2006 (Jan 20, 2006)

Salgal - I didn't see anything around July 27 - anyway, I definitely feel like this is one long trip. I have a lot of the same sensations, feelings, etc. that I had when I had the bad trip that ruined my life and gave me depersonalization.


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## stevesteve (Aug 16, 2006)

I smoked weed when i was younger. occasionally i do now. But I aviod it because it turns me into a mess and i freak out. The anxiety cause by Weed is too much for me too handle.

The biggest problems for me is the rigid, stiff movements and the out of place feeling. Oh did I mention the cut up field of vision? The pixelated/snowy vision. The Racy heart and the panic attacks.


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