# Distraction is just pulling me down



## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

I'm trying to distract myself but it seems impossible, even while I'm trying to distract myself, I just feel the same, still DP'd while trying to distract myself, my whole body feels numb, I've got absolutely no anxiety, I use to be socially aware, atleast, it made me feel alive, but now I just feel like a piece of meat, my whole body is numb, I feel empty inside, inside my mind is absolute quiet, I just feel like nothing, my memories seem distant and far.

This all happened when I started University, September 2013, my vision changed even more into severe dp, I've been going through very milddddddd dp since september 2011, it was manageable, it was at the back of my mind, and I could concentrate, my memories were there, I knew who I was, I had ambitions, thoughts, that connection was still there even though I was dp'd, but since september 2013, I just fell into nothing, nothing meant anything to me anymore, dont know if it's the depression, my vision changed even more, felt severe depersonalization, and very recently, everything just looked unfamiliar, atleast before when I was dp'd, things still looked familiar, I just lost it, I can't eat food anymore knowing I don't enjoy it, before I'd eat and enjoy it, I lost interest in all my hobbies, I told my family about it, and just knowing they have this perception of me now is what's making me even more depressed, I feel lost, I feel like I have to act now throughout my day, whereas before with my dp, I wasn't on auto, I was still me, same person, same identity, I lost that spark very dramatically, and it's sad man. I know that old me is still there buried underneath all this bullshit, even my friends have noticed a change in me, fuck sakes, I'm starting to go out now, I was agorophobic for about a week, WHAT THE HELL?? ME? agoraphobic? What's happened to me, I didn't let it stop me, I went out even though I felt like a zombie, went to University, came home, forced myself to eat, sucked it up, but I just feel so shit, I haven't been out socially for a few months now, and it's just depressing.

Anybody want to say anything? Or has anybody overcame this and got their old self and memories back?


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## Newky (Dec 11, 2013)

roadt2recovery said:


> I'm trying to distract myself but it seems impossible, even while I'm trying to distract myself, I just feel the same, still DP'd while trying to distract myself, my whole body feels numb, I've got absolutely no anxiety, I use to be socially aware, atleast, it made me feel alive, but now I just feel like a piece of meat, my whole body is numb, I feel empty inside, inside my mind is absolute quiet, I just feel like nothing, my memories seem distant and far.
> 
> This all happened when I started University, September 2013, my vision changed even more into severe dp, I've been going through very milddddddd dp since september 2011, it was manageable, it was at the back of my mind, and I could concentrate, my memories were there, I knew who I was, I had ambitions, thoughts, that connection was still there even though I was dp'd, but since september 2013, I just fell into nothing, nothing meant anything to me anymore, dont know if it's the depression, my vision changed even more, felt severe depersonalization, and very recently, everything just looked unfamiliar, atleast before when I was dp'd, things still looked familiar, I just lost it, I can't eat food anymore knowing I don't enjoy it, before I'd eat and enjoy it, I lost interest in all my hobbies, I told my family about it, and just knowing they have this perception of me now is what's making me even more depressed, I feel lost, I feel like I have to act now throughout my day, whereas before with my dp, I wasn't on auto, I was still me, same person, same identity, I lost that spark very dramatically, and it's sad man. I know that old me is still there buried underneath all this bullshit, even my friends have noticed a change in me, fuck sakes, I'm starting to go out now, I was agorophobic for about a week, WHAT THE HELL?? ME? agoraphobic? What's happened to me, I didn't let it stop me, I went out even though I felt like a zombie, went to University, came home, forced myself to eat, sucked it up, but I just feel so shit, I haven't been out socially for a few months now, and it's just depressing.
> 
> Anybody want to say anything? Or has anybody overcame this and got their old self and memories back?


I know how you feel and can relate to everything you say. Especially the frustration in others becoming aware of it, it's self perpetuating like that. Like it's harder to come back to reality when your reality becomes this disorder.

The time frames you give are similar to mine as well, except I started uni last year, and got through it with the help of SSRIs, but since coming off I've had to defer, to address the underlying DPD.

I'm deep into DPD so I can't say I've overcome it on that point. Here if you need to talk though!


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Hey ur deff not alone there I feel the exact same way...my spark is completely gone I don't enjoy anything anymore being dpd it all feels the fkn same to me it makes no difference whether I sty at home or go out. I haven't rlly seen my friends in months and when I do I don't rlly enjoy myself it's more a fake enjoyment but I just feel totally lifeless and empty. Like u I could manage and fight dp when I first got it but now it feels different and I did not have this feeling of complete deadness and nothingness in the first 5 years or so.

I hope u find ur way again I know I haven't yet


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

missjess said:


> Hey ur deff not alone there I feel the exact same way...my spark is completely gone I don't enjoy anything anymore being dpd it all feels the fkn same to me it makes no difference whether I sty at home or go out. I haven't rlly seen my friends in months and when I do I don't rlly enjoy myself it's more a fake enjoyment but I just feel totally lifeless and empty. Like u I could manage and fight dp when I first got it but now it feels different and I did not have this feeling of complete deadness and nothingness in the first 5 years or so.
> 
> I hope u find ur way again I know I haven't yet


its depression FFS why are you too blind to see that


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Midnight said:


> its depression FFS why are you too blind to see that


Why are speaking like that to me...I am not depressed


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## Guest (Dec 19, 2013)

roadt2recovery said:


> I'm trying to distract myself but it seems impossible, even while I'm trying to distract myself, I just feel the same, still DP'd while trying to distract myself, my whole body feels numb, I've got absolutely no anxiety, I use to be socially aware, atleast, it made me feel alive, but now I just feel like a piece of meat, my whole body is numb, I feel empty inside, inside my mind is absolute quiet, I just feel like nothing, my memories seem distant and far.
> 
> This all happened when I started University, September 2013, my vision changed even more into severe dp, I've been going through very milddddddd dp since september 2011, it was manageable, it was at the back of my mind, and I could concentrate, my memories were there, I knew who I was, I had ambitions, thoughts, that connection was still there even though I was dp'd, but since september 2013, I just fell into nothing, nothing meant anything to me anymore, dont know if it's the depression, my vision changed even more, felt severe depersonalization, and very recently, everything just looked unfamiliar, atleast before when I was dp'd, things still looked familiar, I just lost it, I can't eat food anymore knowing I don't enjoy it, before I'd eat and enjoy it, I lost interest in all my hobbies, I told my family about it, and just knowing they have this perception of me now is what's making me even more depressed, I feel lost, I feel like I have to act now throughout my day, whereas before with my dp, I wasn't on auto, I was still me, same person, same identity, I lost that spark very dramatically, and it's sad man. I know that old me is still there buried underneath all this bullshit, even my friends have noticed a change in me, fuck sakes, I'm starting to go out now, I was agorophobic for about a week, WHAT THE HELL?? ME? agoraphobic? What's happened to me, I didn't let it stop me, I went out even though I felt like a zombie, went to University, came home, forced myself to eat, sucked it up, but I just feel so shit, I haven't been out socially for a few months now, and it's just depressing.
> 
> Anybody want to say anything? Or has anybody overcame this and got their old self and memories back?


You need to ground yourself or get someone to help you do some grounding work. When your head is away, far away and you can't concentrate, your lost or feel like a zombie etc, you need to ground yourself. Try that.

It's about getting in the moment, so you CAN concentrate on what your doing. It'll make the world of difference.


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## Onibla (Nov 9, 2010)

roadt2recovery said:


> Anybody want to say anything? Or has anybody overcame this and got their old self and memories back?


Yep. Overcame it. Old self, memories, and feelings back. What you're likely experiencing is anhedonia (a common symptom of severe DP/DR). This symptom is, as midnight indicated, strongly related to many affective disorders such as depression. Some people find that typical anti-depressants help to combat this particular manifestation, but I personally went through it and came out the other end without any medication. I found that 'faking it' until I made it was effective - I just forced myself to engage in the activities I previously enjoyed. I personally suspect that the anhedonia is brought on by the derealisation due to improper processing of motivational and reward signals (i.e. since everything looks 'off' your brain is having a hard time identifying them as objects/activities that you actually enjoy).

There is some tenuous research (such as proposals from Howes and Kapur in their latest version of the dopamine hypothesis of psychosis) that link this particular symptom to dopaminergic dysregulation in the mesolimbic/mesocortical pathways, but since the root of DP/DR tends to be anxiety based, it's perfectly reasonable to assume you can overcome it with good old-fashioned calmness and forced engagement. Don't take the 'psychosis' bit too seriously, like I said, the research is tenuous at best, and it's verrrrryyyyy unlikely to be the cause.

I was personally devoid of emotion and motivation for all of life's activities for around 6-7 months, it's pretty rough but you can recover yourself fully  The first 'feeling' I got back was boredom (which ironically was pretty exciting in a weird detached way), and the others swiftly followed.

Edit: As a previous poster said - try to live in the moment. It's extremely difficult at first, but it is also extremely rewarding in terms of recovery results.


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## chelsy010 (Oct 29, 2012)

roadt2recovery said:


> I'm trying to distract myself but it seems impossible, even while I'm trying to distract myself, I just feel the same, still DP'd while trying to distract myself, my whole body feels numb, I've got absolutely no anxiety, I use to be socially aware, atleast, it made me feel alive, but now I just feel like a piece of meat, my whole body is numb, I feel empty inside, inside my mind is absolute quiet, I just feel like nothing, my memories seem distant and far.
> 
> This all happened when I started University, September 2013, my vision changed even more into severe dp, I've been going through very milddddddd dp since september 2011, it was manageable, it was at the back of my mind, and I could concentrate, my memories were there, I knew who I was, I had ambitions, thoughts, that connection was still there even though I was dp'd, but since september 2013, I just fell into nothing, nothing meant anything to me anymore, dont know if it's the depression, my vision changed even more, felt severe depersonalization, and very recently, everything just looked unfamiliar, atleast before when I was dp'd, things still looked familiar, I just lost it, I can't eat food anymore knowing I don't enjoy it, before I'd eat and enjoy it, I lost interest in all my hobbies, I told my family about it, and just knowing they have this perception of me now is what's making me even more depressed, I feel lost, I feel like I have to act now throughout my day, whereas before with my dp, I wasn't on auto, I was still me, same person, same identity, I lost that spark very dramatically, and it's sad man. I know that old me is still there buried underneath all this bullshit, even my friends have noticed a change in me, fuck sakes, I'm starting to go out now, I was agorophobic for about a week, WHAT THE HELL?? ME? agoraphobic? What's happened to me, I didn't let it stop me, I went out even though I felt like a zombie, went to University, came home, forced myself to eat, sucked it up, but I just feel so shit, I haven't been out socially for a few months now, and it's just depressing.
> 
> Anybody want to say anything? Or has anybody overcame this and got their old self and memories back?


Hey there, sorry to here your feeling so horrible. But I understand your pain. I wanted to address the method of using distraction. Distraction only means that your not always giving dp/dr 100% of your focus. It could be going to the movies,dinner,having a convo with someone without bringing up dp/dr. If your not doing something other that giving dp/dr your 100% focus then you will never feel relief. The not so good feelings you feel when your trying to do things(distract)yourself is completely normal. Believe me I felt like that but I kept doing things here and there for a while with no relief and only feeling more hopeless, but the people on here who have recovered said keep doing stuff, relief will come and it did. My biggest advice for those who still want to recover is this:Rest(it won't feel like resting but do it),tackle and face the underling issues that may have caused your dissociation,try to socialize and do stuff here and there(don't over do it,a little at a time,easy does it) and just try to be healthier in general, just cause there is no harm in taking care of ones body, while your healing your mind.Also, there are some good youtube videos of people who have recovered, watch them,over and over and over again. Same thing with the recover stories, read them over and over again, because when you have dp/dr things take a while to stick to your brain. Just cause your thoughts are doing its own thing at the moment, so repetion is key.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

missjess said:


> Why are speaking like that to me...I am not depressed


Sorry I was slightly drunk and booze makes me feel borderline suicidal at times.. I didn't mean to be rude miss jess I like you


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Midnight said:


> Sorry I was slightly drunk and booze makes me feel borderline suicidal at times.. I didn't mean to be rude miss jess I like you


Ok that's kool no worries! It sounds to me as tho ur depressed but I hope ur ok now. I can understand the suicidal feelings this shit is tough


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

missjess said:


> Ok that's kool no worries! It sounds to me as tho ur depressed but I hope ur ok now. I can understand the suicidal feelings this shit is tough


Oh, I am 100% certainly depressed, but at the same time detached even from the depression. Its mental... living the dream literraly.


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## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

Posts like Onibla's give me hope. Although I'm thinking about trying meds.

For me I'm finding that believing in after life and re-asserting my beliefs that life is a journey AT LEAST makes me sometimes feel TIME.

When I understand and feel that I will die some day, it makes me sometimes feel my mortal body again, and think about the future in a logical way, snapping myself out from what's not important (DP), and trying to focus again on what is; finding my path again in life.

It at least gives your life a meaning again.

And I know what you mean about distractions keep you in DP. But maybe if you try engaging more into stuff and try to push your opinion and personality back while doing it.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Midnight said:


> Oh, I am 100% certainly depressed, but at the same time detached even from the depression. Its mental... living the dream literraly.


Yep I feel that


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