# My recovery story



## Ringomoon (Aug 15, 2017)

Hi forum. This is my first post, I'm a 21 year old female who would like to finally share my recovery story! Around 5 months ago I went through a bad break up. I turned to alcohol and drank every night for weeks, I remember feeling 'off' almost like my emotions had switched themselves off and I was blank. I put it down to depression over the break up and started on a low dose SSRI (citalopram). I remember waking up one morning and something felt VERY wrong. I opened my eyes and my whole life felt like a dream, it felt like a cartoon almost and that everything wasn't real. It's hard to explain the sensation but if you've got DP/DR and are reading this you'll know what I mean! I freaked out. I put it down to a side effect of my medication and tried to get on with my day, I went to work and ten minuites in to my shift I freaked out even more. I had a massive panic attack and got sent home, after that I was signed off work for two weeks. These two weeks were a HELL. I didn't sleep much, didn't eat for 9 days and couldn't function as a human being. I was convinced my life was going to be like this forever and I had lost my mind.

The two weeks dragged by and I had to return to work. I remember my first shift back being unbareable. I felt like I couldn't talk or move, I remmeber longing for my shift to end and every minute felt like an hour.
I went back to the doctors that day and explained how I felt, he increased my dose.
I had my increase that night, and I will remmeber it as the worst night of my life so far. I spent all night trying my hardest to sleep to escape reality but my head wouldn't let me. I started thinking about suicide to escape. I woke up the next day for work and wow. I can't describe how hopeless I felt! I thought about suicide all shift and had told myself that's what I'm going to do. I remember walking home from work, stopping at the bridge and being so so close to jumping off. I got home and rang my mum hysterical, she took me to the doctor straight away who stopped my medication that day and put me on another ssri, sertraline.

I was exhausted. I didn't know what was wrong with me so I googled how I felt and was brought to this forum. I felt a sense of relief. However terrified at some of the 'I've had dp forever' stories that I kept seeing. 
I read that the best thing to do was to force yourself to work, eat well and sleep, so I decided I wasn't going to let DP/DR control me any longer and I wanted my life back.
It took a good month of hard work, forcing myself with everything I had to work, see friends and keep healthy. I notice myself forgetting I had dp for a 30 seconds or so at a time, then a minute, then 5 mins.. and so on.
I was slow progress, but now, today, five months on I can safely say I am 110% cured of this horrible disorder. 
I feel immensely proud of myself and can't believe I have beaten this. 
I'd always search on the forum 'how do I know if I've recovered?' Believe me, you just know.
Dp hardly crosses my mind. Maybe a few times a day, and I know it will get less and less.
i feel exactly how I felt before all of this, but a stronger person. 
I was convinced I was stuck like this for good, so if you're struggling and reading this please please believe me, you will get better. 
I believe the harder you work at it, the more you force yourself out of bed when you feel hopeless, the more you believe in yourself, the easier your recovery will be.
Don't let this win, it's your life, go out there and get it back!
Please feel free to ask me any questions and I'll try my very best to answer them


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## Ringomoon (Aug 15, 2017)

I am still on a low dose of my medication at the moment mainly to control my anxiety for a while longer. Yes I believe it did help me over come, it controlled my anxiety levels and I feel like it stopped me from sinking in to depression while I was struggling with dp/dr


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Hi 
Thanks for posting your recovery story its really nice of you to come on here and post .
It's fantastic that your well again and good luck for the future .

Love love love reading new recovery posts


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