# Depersonalization recovery process



## AllShaunNoWow (Nov 19, 2017)

Hey everybody, I'm spanking new here. So I thought I'd share my experience and journey with this craziness so far. I'll start by explaining where this started.

First let me say I am 33 year old male, I've had anxiety and panic disorder since I was around 12. I've learned to deal with it and control it for the most. My teens were horrible, doctors daily, racing heart, palps, I mean it was a negative time for me. But the older I got the better it got. So let's now jump to the recent events.....

October 31st this year I woke up, any other normal day is what it felt like. Until I tried to stand up and couldn't balance and collapsed. Of course I freaked. I spent a day in hospital and all just to find out I had BPPV (form of vertigo). After doing some specific exercises it was fixed and great again! Until I smoked weed two days after the vertigo event. I knew when I was smoking I should chill, I said I need to stop out loud. But I kept going. I triggered a massive panic attack. A panic attack like I've never had. It was bad. Luckily when I was at hospital for vertigo they was aware of my anxiety and panic disorder and sent me home with 10 valiums. (5mg). So I took 2. Luckily they stopped the panic attack. However the next day is when the real journey starts. I felt foggy in my head, randomly dizzy (I think?) couldn't focus, was retreating to my safe zone at home. Stopped talking to people. It was causing me depression and more anxiety. Till it broke me. I started roaming the net looking for answers. I never really found anything. I tried techniques that people suggested and nothing worked. So I tried something different.

I started keeping a journal. My daily. I didn't write every detail in it, just how I felt and what was bothering me like the fog, and anxiety. I stopped taking any meds, I haven't smoked weed since the panic attack that I mentioned earlier. I'm close to recovery I believe. I stopped any Valium intake. I started eating more not really better but more as during these events I lost 15 pounds. I've noticed that daily my journal starts seeming like I am getting better more and more by the day.

A long side the journal I have been trying to stay busy. I know that's hard to do but I promise you if you push forward it gets easier. Don't read stories you see on the internet where people say they have suffered this for years and years. Because don't forget that everybody is different. Let me repeat that and please pay attention EVERYBODY IS DIFFERENT. So don't get yourself down when you see that person say they have hasn't it for 20 years.

I also want to tell you all that you only have this problem as long as you allow it. You have to remember that you are in control and to also remember do not panic. You are okay. I promise you are. I have cried, I have had some pretty dark thoughts, but I remind myself that I am healing and healing takes time. Don't push yourself, let it ride. It will pass as you get on with life. Don't try not to think about it, but when you think about the DP and such just also remind yourself you are okay and get up and do something else. Go for a walk, a drive, a run, go write in the journal and then read your previous pages. You will start to see improvements. Again I PROMISE. It's been since the 2nd of November I have been living along side this mean evil fog, however.... every single day it's better. It's gone from constant braking fog all day to now only at night. It was all day and then it started fading the more I stared taking control of my thoughts. Then it only started after 9pm, then it started after 11pm, then after 2am (I work nights btw and go to bed around 6am) and as I type this I am experiencing it now at 3:30 am and it started around 2:30 am. But every day it improves more and more. I'm able to laugh again, I'm able to leave my house daily. I actually wake up and feel 100% normal. The only reason that I am still experiencing it now is because I expect it nightly.

The more intake control though the later and later it happens, that's good. Because eventually I won't have it and by the time it would have normally started it will be time for sleep. My fog only last 1-3 hours currently and that's a lot better than 24 right.... so stay positive and stay in control of what your mind is thinking. People like you and I are different, we are unique and that means we have to do things differently than the average person. I will stay on this site and update and try to help as I can. Because I know that some people need this, just like I did. So here is the closing statement ...

Stay positive
Try keeping a journal 
Don't just wish you would get better but KNOW you will and KNOW you are not alone.
Stay active
Focus on what makes it made you happy. 
Know people love you. 
Know that people are here. 
And lastly, don't panic. YOU ARE BETTER ALREADY.


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

Hi there, congratulations on all the progress you have made. I'm interested to hear more about the exercises you did to treat vertigo? Vertigo is something that's always been problematic for me.


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## AllShaunNoWow (Nov 19, 2017)

Phantasm said:


> Hi there, congratulations on all the progress you have made. I'm interested to hear more about the exercises you did to treat vertigo? Vertigo is something that's always been problematic for me.


I did the epley (hope I spelled that right) first, did it 1 time, then daily (2 times a day 30 minutes apart) I do the half somersault maneuver. It's safe to do alone. I did it as stated 2 times daily for two days. Fixed the vertigo that I had, I thought it was strange I had to do it more than once but the dr told me that sometimes you need to. 1 important thing that most videos and or people don't tell you is that you need to make sure you keep your head up straight daily after the exercises. Basically don't bend over and such. Keep it balanced as much as possible. Hope I could help you and thank you for reading my story.


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

Thanks, I'll look into it  I didn't know there were exercises you could do at home.


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## AllShaunNoWow (Nov 19, 2017)

Phantasm said:


> Thanks, I'll look into it  I didn't know there were exercises you could do at home.


 yup no problem, I didn't know either. I did the epley at home (no doc told me that I really shouldn't lol) and it was a hard and very panic driven exercise for me. But the half somersault is easy and safe to do at home. Just make sure you know which ear is the problem.


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

How do you know which ear it is?


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## AllShaunNoWow (Nov 19, 2017)

Phantasm said:


> How do you know which ear it is?


The easiest way is to trigger the vertigo. Lay on your left, if nothing happens then lay on your right, if you get dizzy then your right is the problem ear.


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

That makes sense, thanks for the info. I've found some pdf guides to the maneuvers you mentioned and I'm going to give them a try.


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## AllShaunNoWow (Nov 19, 2017)

Phantasm said:


> That makes sense, thanks for the info. I've found some pdf guides to the maneuvers you mentioned and I'm going to give them a try.


Sounds good, just be calm, be in a safe place and be cautious. Should go well and I hope it helps you.


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