# Crushed by depression and anxiety.



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

I thought I'd post this here as I don't want to moan on the main forum.

Been wallowing in my bed for two days, with the most crushing depression I've ever experienced. It was terrible. I'm bit better today, but don't except an endless stream of ranting/wittisisms/whatever, because I feel rather fragile.

Terrible thing, depression, isn't it.

I'm not sure if my depression/anxiety (I've got some benzo's, which made me feel a bit better) is situation related. I'm currently having to borrow money off my parents (which I swore never to do again), and....other stuff. Maybe I'm just weak.


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

Martin you have my utmost sympathy. You really do. I am feeling the same right now. Just keep plodding on. It sucks I know


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

Sorry to hear but I thought you just started a new job making plenty of dosh. Anyhow that's none of my business.

Depression is dreadful but I prefer it over DP/DR. I was extremely depressed one night a few months back, DP/DR faded to the background, and for the first time in months I really felt back in my skin and that was fantastic even though I was deeply depressed.

Maybe at this time you shouldn't be alone. Probably a good time to talk to a good friend or family member. It may help.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> Sorry to hear but I thought you just started a new job making plenty of dosh.


Yes, I was, initially. But tediously, I've descended into misery and self-pity. I've upset that I had to ask my mother for money to see me through the to the end of the month, which I vowed never to do.

Oh well. At least I've got a good job, a home, and a date with a woman tomorrow night.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Haven't you just finished doing some kind of withdrawal?

Depression always hits me when I stop some kind of medicine. It usually passes within the week or so. I always have to remind myself that that is the reason why so as not to slip into the abyss.

A Date! Now that will bring you back.

Sorry you're feeling bad. Knowing it will pass soon.

Don't beat yourself about the borrowing money thing. You are moving forward and that means everything to your parents. Next month you'll have everything covered...if ya don't end up in a wheely bin. :lol:


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Yeah, but I'm back on the Cipramil (and I took an obscene amount of Clonazepam yesterday), so that withdrawal might not be the reason. I just had to get off my ass and sort my life out. I feel a bit better today.

Thanks Terri*


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

> I just had to get off my ass and sort my life out.


Ok Martin, come and tell us. What's really eating you up inside? You must know. There has to be something that's causing such massive depression?


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

I really don't know Milan. Janine has been trying to tell me for years but I've either never accepted it or it's never sunk in.

I tend to sink into depression and lethargy when things aren't going my way. Selfishness I guess, even despite the s**t that has happened to me - which I still feel is all my fault, including Leaukemia. I feel terribly sorry for myself, and find it a real effort to get 'off my ass' and do the simple things that get my seemingly charmed life back on track. I am riddled by guilt by just about everything...I am constantly frazzled by anxiety...so what the hell? Sure, my parents divorced, I've dabbled with drugs....but so have a million other people.

My parents think I'm deeply angry, and depressed, for what reasons....I don't know. They are wonderful people.

But, I mustn't complain too much. I am completely DR/DP free and have been for years, despite everything. I have my own place, a good job (again)...etc...just need to rebuild my life for the millionth time....in anticipation of me destroying it all again! It's not even intentional...it just happens. I'm not blaming anyone or anything....it's..........just.........me.

Go figure.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Hey Martin, I sent you a pm. I hope you get time to sift thru all your fan mail and read it.

Sorry you're having a rough go of it.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Have replied...


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Somewhere in all his storytelling, Martin said he was going to go on a date soon. I just happened to have spotted him out and caught this pic! :shock:










Part Women/Part Squid...does his sexual appetite know no bounds ???


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...............

:lol:

Well, my date went quite welll actually. She was a very attractive lady, and we hit it off really well. Until I got drunk of course, and told her it was inevitable that she would fall in love with me. I then proceeded to demolish a kebab and smear beef grease all over my cheeks.


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## MrMortgage (Aug 26, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...............
> 
> :lol:
> 
> Well, my date went quite welll actually. She was a very attractive lady, and we hit it off really well. Until I got drunk of course, and told her it was inevitable that she would fall in love with me. I then proceeded to demolish a kebab and smear beef grease all over my cheeks.


Did that really happen? :?: Or are you just joking.


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## Guest (Oct 13, 2005)

I hope to god he means the cheeks on his face.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Yeah, it did. And yes, Mr Mole, it was the cheeks on my face. I only 'butter myself up' for special occassions. :lol:


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

MrMortgage said:


> Martinelv said:
> 
> 
> > Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...............
> ...


What's so unbelieveable about that? Happens everyday.


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