# Wanting to get to the root of my problem.



## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

How do I do this?

*Yes*, I have a very poor family upbringing and my situation is still very bad.

I have existential obsessions which make me feel like total shit and thus causes me to question the existence of everything around me

But I no longer have DP/DR

In some ways, I do.

But while looking around - everything seems real, still there, and not like I'm wearing rose-colored glasses.

Yes there are some days when it looks like complete and utter DR, but very briefly.

The existential thoughts contribute to the feelings of sadness, causing me to question the existence of others, etc

I understand in a way that these are perhaps masking the real issue at hand.

What do I do about the real issue though? What is the real issue? Yes, I have a MESSED UP family background, emotional problems, suppressed emotions, etc

But what can I possibly do about this? How will fixing them resolve my Solipsism obsessions, my fears, unhappiness, etc?

It just doesn't make much sense in my head, and then it does

I'm just lost.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

I also don't want to take medication as a quick fix for these problems. I want to try and fix them myself. If I fail to do so after extensive hard work is when I will consider medication as a last resort. I just need proper guidance.


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## Guest (Sep 29, 2013)

You can't change your past, but you can learn to recognize how it damaged you and make the needed repairs. This is something that simply takes research; find stories of how other people have dealt with the same things as you, they can give you insight onto how it could have impacted you and what needs to be done to fix things.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

bump. Would really like Fearless's take on this


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

Yes. My dad including my mom. Both due to abuse. But now it's different, even though my mother is still antagonizing at times. My father rarely has the strength to exert his authority


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

And by abuse - I mean hitting me when I was younger for things I had done wrong.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

So what do I do? I feel like that's only just a mere modicum of the entire issue. I've went through so much.


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2013)

Fearless said:


> Well, yes, it is probably only a part of your issue, but the most important one, and the one that makes you feel depersonalized. You are not feeling safe deep down, so the only way you can resolve stressful events is to dissociate and repress your feelings. Or, you may have other options now, but this is the habit that you kept from childhood. But you felt so intense fear back then that now you are even dare to see if there is other options (learned helplessness).
> 
> You need to develop something that is called earned security. That means understanding that the pain and terror you have in you is a little helpless child's feeling, but now you are older and stronger. You need to dig out this terrible fear out of yourself, and resolve it, by understanding that you now may have more choices than you had back then. It is extremely painful to go through, I suggest you to find someone (friend or therapist) who you can talk this issue out with.
> 
> ...


so what do you suggest?


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## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

I respect Fearless but Ive been through way worse s*** since Ive had DP, my childhood 'problems' feel irrelevant


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Selig

How did u become part of DP staff? I haven't noticed anyone else aside from u side I've joined last year.


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