# Meditating on pre-DR memories



## n3lgh (Jul 26, 2007)

I can only say that this has helped me at times for derealization. I've noticed that for me, the feeling of 'reality' is linked to old sensory and emotional associations-- the way light falls, etc.

As far as my derealization goes, there is a loss of the big picture, instead only small components are focused on at one time. There is a loss of the ambience or aura or the comprehension of an entire environment with a sense of presence and 'now'ness.

I have found that saying things like "this place is as real as .... (for me, Downtown LA works because it's part of my childhood) and I invoke the aura of very vivid memories.

Unfortunately, I worry that doing this will cause me to remain with the old associations-- it's been 12 years since DR/DP started and I worry that the memories made since have been written without that sense of nowness, or presence, 'reality ambiance' or whatever.

I do notice that memories just before (a year or so) the onset of DR/DP are fuzzy. But I will mine vivid material and see what I come up with.

If anyone else has done this, drop me a line.


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## Petrus0x13 (Jun 16, 2007)

I understand derealisation in the same way as you. While dr world around of me seems to be exactly fuzzy. At one moment I'm feeling completely different than at another. The places I was before a little while are so strange as if there was from dream. Because these changes in the way of observing world, people an events repeat constanlty, we have problems with self-identification, understandig of our purposes. Something what at one day is important at another not...

I tried to merge these "small components" and to create one "big picture" but not by meditating on memories from childhood, but by aware experience whole day. When I was somewhere I was reminding all events that happened before, I wanted to understand simply why I am here. Almost without results. I think now, that "fuzzy awareness" is only effect of dp/dr, it isn't essence of this disorder. The real essence is "feeling dreamlike" and brain fog, nothing more. Everything else is caused by these.


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## DRyan (Jan 19, 2008)

n3lgh said:


> I can only say that this has helped me at times for derealization. I've noticed that for me, the feeling of 'reality' is linked to old sensory and emotional associations-- the way light falls, etc.
> 
> As far as my derealization goes, there is a loss of the big picture, instead only small components are focused on at one time. There is a loss of the ambience or aura or the comprehension of an entire environment with a sense of presence and 'now'ness.
> 
> ...


Exactly my impression of DR as well. Even focusing on small things takes a lot of effort for me now, as I get lost in my own thoughts without realizing it.

I've only had this for about 5 years since I started smoking pot, and it has progressively gotten worse. Eleven years...

In six years I hope I'm just full-fledged retarded if I haven't recovered. The little piece of sanity and reasonable thought left in me is constantly irritated with its inability to express itself and have the control it once had. It took me 10 minutes to write this fucking segment.


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## Strange_Visitor (Apr 18, 2008)

n3lgh said:


> As far as my derealization goes, there is a loss of the big picture, instead only small components are focused on at one time. There is a loss of the ambience or aura or the comprehension of an entire environment with a sense of presence and 'now'ness.


That's a very eloquent description, which I can fully relate to.

I've been in this "bubble" of DR for 30 years now (since 12) and although I've got used to it and can get on with my life, I sometime yearn for the "reality" I experienced as a child.

I'll certainly try meditating on the old experiences.

I find that my mind is constantly working (mind chatter) which keeps me focussed inwards. In fact, as I started with DR in the 1970's, and felt I ccouldn't explain it to anyone, for fear of them thinking me crazy, that led to more introspection.

I certainly feel meditation, as a method of relaxation if nothing else, is worth a try for me.

Mark.


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## NorrinRadd (Oct 16, 2007)

:? Mmm, not so great for me. I find that thinking about old memories can often aggravate the symptoms. Seems to emphasize the feeling that I'm not the same "me" I was then.


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