# glimpses of old self :D



## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

people!

where do i start. i'll keep it brief......

at the end of may i felt 100%... then for sum reason i started obsessing in my head. which i now know is probably OCD. instead of dismissing it. i let it take hold. i still felt connected to myself and the world just i felt really anxious! made me feel depressed and really!!!! anxious...i felt like i was in my head but suppose at that stage it weren't the dp sort of feelings...

then about 6 weeks into this i managed to stop obsessing by using relaxation methods, breathing etc.... and 2 weeks ago i had potentially a nearly 100% day almost euphoric! perfect day...then i woke up on the monday feeling low...like a low after a high (similar to a hangover) i felt quiet and glum, and sumhow i started thinking about what i was doing, and slipped into this alien world of DP. feeling different to everyone, lost the emotional connection to life and others, questioning things all the time.... however i've had this in the past and fully recovered for the best part of 2 and a half years! a fully clear head and 100% 3d....

so i've not really let it bother me to be fair! i'm assuming my friends and family haven't noticed a change... i'm happy and chirpy still, i know i dont feel myself, its like i've lost myself, i dunno what i am anymore, but i know i've been here before, and back then like many i let it effect my life....

the trick is to just say fuck it! and live...... so its been 2 weeks since i've been living in a "dream" i'm taking vitamins and fish oil, hitting the gym hard, gonna re start taking my protein supplements as i've read alot about this helping? i'm still socialising, i'm keeping thinking to a minimum......

but the massive positive i have this time which in the past i never had, i can visualise and feel the times when i was 100%!! glimpses and flash backs of when i was living and 3d! i'm taking this as a positive! so i'm plodding along slowly, i may feel blunt and alien like but fuck it.... i'm concentrating on my future and thinking about what made me feel like everyone else before.....

yesterday, i went to the gym and for a split second i was looking in the mirror and admiring my physique! i know this isn't a massive deal but in that moment i was like a normal person again, i was seeing myself as my body and my mind! i had emotion and an opinion of myself! about my body....

the questions and feeling i get about existance! fuck them, i dont care about the answers .. i just wanna go back to worrying about what i'm doing at the weekend, or what my next car will be or when am i next playing football or when will my next pint be, or what sexy garment will my gf be wearing tonight ! i want my priorities back to normal, and when they are, DP wont even be on the list. its weird when you feel 100% you look back on dp times as just memories! yet when you have dp, EVERYTHING you ever known seems tainted by it.....

this site for me was my saviour a few years back! coz it made me realise i am normal, others get this 2... but at the same time this website can be a hinderance! what really pisses me off is negativity! EVERYONE who has ever beat this even for a day a year or forever will tell you negativity or keeping negative thoughts in ya head wont help you but make you worse! so people who come on here and start negative threads or stupid posts upset me because they might be negative and not wanting/or trying to help themselves, but negative posts will only bring others down! like i just read the start of a post which is fooking stupid! it was on about how DP is a PROVEN state before death! what i tosser! people have had this 40 years, people have beat this! so that post only serves a purpose of negativity! !!! i only now read this section of the site!

so keep on living and people! this thing will ease and go, but you gotta keep working on it! one day you will slip back into your concious state and your sub concious will once again slip back into your mind.

until then....

chin up! peace!


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## nu-power (Sep 27, 2006)

i appreciate ur -positivity- laserdog, youre right most of the posts right here talk about negative expectations, while one post only in this thread about recovery can give us all a high hope and motivation to go on. im also like you ,i dont see things as bad as they see them. and i admit that dp/dr kept me in ease for many years. i know that many ppl wont like this but its a truth we all have to admit, but its a scary experience as well, coz we dont know enough about what it is and where did all this came from and why ...etc,

but also... we are not alone. tens of thousands of ppl are feeling aliens,disconnected. and all these feelings we have. and yet many of them made their way to success and complete satisfaction.we are not sick, nothing will happen to us, negative thoughts will only waste our time standing on the same ground. WE DONT UNDERSTAND LIFE. thats all we have to work on to get better. and plzzzzzzz STOP calling dp/dr a mental illness. those who gave it this name dont know what it is really 

im happy for you laserdog. keep living and show this dp that its not worth wasting a moment of ur precious life :wink:


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## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

the understanding life issue, no one does..... when i'm "normal" it dont even enter my mind! DP seems an obvious state really! i wonder why EVERYONE doesn't feel like an alien all the time?.... i dont really wanna get into a disscussion about that..lol its like thinking about infinity! gets ya head bashed! so no more head bashing.....

the only positive which i give to you, I and many others have felt in the depths of this and still managed to emerge from it feeling like everyone else and back to where we came from .... at the minute its still there for me, feeling on auto pilot and i'm waiting for myself to snap back and take control!...even though i dont know what "myself" is.... i KNOW i have been here before and beat this fooker!

i am currently the most confident i have ever been (even tho at the minute it seems irrelavent coz i feel isolated) ...i put that down to my last bout of DP! the emotional blunting seemed to help me break out of my SHY self! i didn't give a fuck anymore coz it didn't feel like me!....so last time i got out there no holding back and when i broke free from DP i was the BEST person i've ever been! and thats where i'm heading back to 

i was out last night, nightclubbing and drinking, everything felt 2d but i had a good time i suppose, it will go, its just time, ireally must stop visiting this website! i know its good but it makes me think about how i feel :S lol


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## TerriW (Jun 13, 2007)

I have been lurking around here for a little while and I have to agree that the negative posts definitly do not help! 
Thank you for the HOPE!


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## nu-power (Sep 27, 2006)

i do agree with you laserdog. we all shouldnt come to this site everyday. i think if they close the site and open it for only one day. at the end of each month, just to come and say hello and tell each other about what we've acheived in this month that would be more helping.lets go back to life ppl. and make a competition.the one who acheive more will be the winner of this month


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