# Need to talk about my scary DR/Thanatophobia and what to do to cure it



## terpsichore (Dec 20, 2016)

Hi everyone!

A little background info first..

There have been several stressful factors in my life that apparently have caused anxiety to subconsciously accumulate, including but not limited to:


 My bi-polar father going off the rails, quitting his job, reverting to hard drugs, and leaving my mom and I with no money.
Moving across the state to live with my grandma because we have no money.
Having to give up ballet after 11 years as a pre-professional student and training in some of the finest schools in the world because of several injuries
Finals/SAT

Now, until 3 weeks ago I felt that I was handling all of this quite well. However, two nights before thanksgiving, I woke up out of a sound sleep shaking uncontrollably. Went to the hospital and they told me it was a panic attack and gave me some emergency Ativan. Had a few more panic attacks in sleep for the following week accompanied by a racing heart in the day. After going to my primary care doctor and receiving a prescription for Buspar, the physical symptoms faded away, but my mental health has not been great. I have been experiencing the fear of nothingness after death, even though I am religious and believe in the afterlife, and also a hyperawareness that everyone I know will someday die. Also, I have had derealization and have felt that nothing was real or that I was living out a play, rather than actually living. I am going back to the doctor tomorrow and she will refer me to a therapist, which I feel will help, but I also would love to talk to other people who are experiencing these scary symptoms. Please let me know how you handle DR/DP and what has helped you!


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## Guest (Dec 21, 2016)

That's an awful lot to cope with in a condensed period of time, and If there was a check-list of major life changes there'd be quite a few ticked there. I think it would actually be strange if you didn't feel anxiety. When you talked about handling it quite well I wonder if that might have meant burying it and just getting on with things, as that's something many of us do? If so it's maybe not surprising if it suddenly flares up as if to say, "hey, these things have really affected me, don't ignore me!"

I think that's really good you've sought help and are going to start therapy. I hope all goes well.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

that sounds quite stressful. I'm sorry you've experienced so much at once. seeking professional help is a very good step to take.

phantasm has brought up a good point, once again. (I think perhaps I've found a somewhat kindred spirit? haha) coping and repressing are generally not great friends. you've gone through a lot in a very brief period of time. showing no outward signs of distress would actually worry me more than seeing you scream or cry or punch walls or whatever you do to release tension, if I was your friend. (I'm not yet, but I suppose I could be.) it's an important part of the coping process to be able to acknowledge and feel those super gross feelings that these events have quite understandably stirred up. avoiding feelings is bad, regardless of where the feelings come from.

also, it sounds like ballet was deeply meaningful to you, since you were working so hard at it. of course I wouldn't want you to put yourself in physical danger, so if you have been medically cautioned against returning to ballet at such a level, I'd think you'd want to listen to that, but is there perhaps some way for you to continue to include it in your life? the first thing that comes to mind is becoming a teacher for beginners. I would expect that to be less demanding of your body, but you could still express and pass on your love for the art.


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## terpsichore (Dec 20, 2016)

Hi to both Phantasm and tfiio!

I agree that I probably suppressed a lot of these feelings, even though I went to some counseling with my mom at the beginning of the year to talk about my dad. I don't like to think about him or my situation, which I know isn't great because sometimes facing the feelings head on can be more beneficial than ignoring them. Also, I have been thinking about getting back into ballet, maybe in the form of teaching or very easy classes that wouldn't hurt my injury. It's hard though when I am feeling like nothing is real with the derealization because I have no drive to exercise or do much of anything because everything is foggy. Maybe slowly reintroducing ballet will help ground me. Thank you guys for your replies!


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

what happens when you listen to a song you used to dance to? like, something you practiced for weeks and weeks and knew completely by heart, whatever music went with that. does that give you more drive to start dancing again? it may be an interesting thing to try.

it sounds like you're pretty self-aware overall, and I feel that will help you, as long as you actually address the things you notice in yourself. good luck.


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