# Does your sense of self ever come back?



## RainyDaze (May 5, 2014)

This is my lasting symptom - a complete disconnect with my Self. I feel like logically it has to still be there, since nobody has noticed a change and I can still logically determine what I would or wouldn't do in a situation/what my old hobbies were, etc. It just feels like there is a huge gap between "me" and myself, so that everything is automated. I really have let my life fall away over the past two months - virtually everything I had an interest in at one point, including family, friends, hobbies, job hunt, personal interests - everything has collapsed and I spend every day thinking only of lack of self.

I have been doing a lot better in terms of existential worry, panic, and other physical symptoms. The lasting one is definitely this lack of sense of self - very scary!

Please someone tell me this can get better/my sense of self can come back. Please! I'm on Zoloft and ativan, doing CBT, continuing to be social, and it all seems to be getting worse. I need advice!


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

Sense of self is existential.

A bunch of chemicals pumped into you will not solve the problem because you can't lie to yourself to solve the problem.

And the problem is existential.

You're not doing what your "self" demands from you in order to "come back."

And deep down, every DP sufferer knows the way back, there's just a huge fear barrier to making the comeback.

So start asking yourself, what does my "self" want me to do that I'm scared of doing? And then do it.

Basically, what every sufferer's "self" is saying is Overcome The Fears That Your Mind Has Conjured.


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## Guest (May 27, 2014)

What if youre numb and have no more fears


Haumea said:


> Sense of self is existential.
> 
> A bunch of chemicals pumped into you will not solve the problem because you can't lie to yourself to solve the problem.
> 
> ...


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

If you're numb, you're protecting yourself from something. The fear is hidden. You have to go deeper to face it.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

when u say we know what to do? u mean just going out and doing things despite how we feel.


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

It could be that, it could be something else, like standing up for yourself or doing something physical.

The point is, *only you know what it is*. It's different for everyone.

You know what it is - just do it despite the fear.


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## mindfulnessbl (Nov 4, 2013)

I dont think it ever goes, it just fragments when your in dp, but can go back without dp.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

can the lack of self really cause all the crazy thoughts that u come up with about urself and everything around u. the stuff im thinking is just terrifying... thinking how i could of not been born and how do i know what to do here. and is the reality i see really the reality cause i was born and learned it all. what are the chances i was born. how does my mind work. bla bla bla. so frightening. does this all arise from your brain trying to make sense of the dp feeling.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

but would u agree that u have to relax and not worry for a longish period of time before ur mind recovers ye?


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

DemonsionSix said:


> You see worry created depersonalization and instead of letting recovery take its place most people fuel the condition with all sorts of things panic stress etc...just continue your life and learn to stop worrying. Become involved in sports and leave this place behind. Operate from strength and don't dwell on your emotions instead rationalize every situation until you have gathered enough energy to return. Remember don't worry about the way dp makes you feel. Accept it.


for me dp makes everything seem terrifying so its very very hard. When people talk about how dp makes them feel i just think i have it worse. or my thoughts are not the same so maybe its not dp and ive just analysed my mind too far (this makes me panic think i cannot unthink what i gave thought and so im doomed to be in an existential hell forever)


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## mindfulnessbl (Nov 4, 2013)

Haumea

is 100% right


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

Katie, the crazy thoughts are what happens when "the self" checks out. It's basically saying "cya! get your act together and I'll come back, but I'm not tolerating this."

Then your enemy, the rational mind, starts analyzing this and coming up with scary stories to tell you. It needs to be ignored.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Okay Thank u. So basically we feel the dp feeling and Ur mind Tries To rationalize the feeling with Thoughts To make sense of it?


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## SantosB (Jun 4, 2014)

Answering the first question. Yes. Your YOURSELF is inside, somewhere.

Some part of our brain, some neural circuits are not working properly (due to any particular reason: stress, traumas, drugs, ...) and the images, sounds, odours... don't reach US the way they used to when we were ok. They don't activate our memories and experiences related with them. In that way, when we see, i.e., the sky, or a flower, we recognize them but they don't mean anything for OURSELF. They don't give to us any emotion because we don't know the relationship between them and ourselves.

Other parts of our brain are working perfectly so we are aware of the problem, at the same time, we are able to do almost the same things that before but like a robot, always with that numb feeling. We keep memory, but more in a encyclopaedical way. Like a dictionary. Generic. Nothing concrete. Lacking emotions and relation with details concrete of our past. We cannot reach to the when and how and by who we have learned that concepts.

In that way EVERYTHING we can see, hear, touch, smell and taste is strange for US. We don't understand it. We must to recover the normal connection between the information we capture from our senses to ourselves. When we got that (with exercises in my opinion) at the same time we cure us for the DR and the DP.

In my recovery process I have been fully aware of that. Everyday, when I went for my daily walk of half an hour I remembered suddenly that the colour dark green, i.e., for the car I was watching was the same colour of a toy when a was a kid. In fact, I knew that something was happening within my brain with a sort of little pricks. A fact very curious: since the first day of DP/DR I have never had any migraine. I am sure is always related with our problem.


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## SantosB (Jun 4, 2014)

In my case, I suffered P/DR due to stress and anxiety, i simply, uncounciously, disconnect from the physical world. Years passed through and although the reasons disappeared i couldn't come to feel the world like before.

So, it can be permanent if you are not guided to make some constant exercises. The difficuly here is the brain process that is malfunctioning is not related with rational and lógic thoughts. This part was learned when we were kids. It is crucial connect with the past, with the way you used to perceive the world.


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