# Someone with a straight answer...



## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Alright.

I just want to know if I'm on the right track; recovering, pseudo recovering, nowhere near, still at noob level or same as everyone else etc.

My experience:

Initially heavy visual fog, mad dream vision. Severe anxiety - worried hearing voices, worried voices in head, worried seeing things, disconnected, existential anxiety, just absolute dire straights and all the rest.

Now:

Daily relief and reality, minimal anxiety (still lingers), very minimal visual fog (mostly during morning and day). Delusional thoughts still run through my mind (but over past five orso days hardly at all, but came back a little today). Sometimes forget I'm dp'd whilst busy at work. Periods of COMPLETE relief to the point I almost wanted to make a thankyou post to everyone that's helped me, full connection, emotions, ambition and life. And then periods like this, where I feel back to zero. Thoughts like 'maybe my periods of reality are slipping away, getting shorter, everyone starte dout like this but it just got gradually worse'. But as I sit here, things don't look unreal, or feel unreal, I just feel bummed and not all 'here', and I try to freak myself out with crazy thoughts.

Thanks for reading my emo ramblings, abd fire your opinions at me.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

yosemitedome said:


> Alright.
> 
> I just want to know if I'm on the right track; recovering, pseudo recovering, nowhere near, still at noob level or same as everyone else etc.
> 
> ...


So me right here lol


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Doberg said:


> So me right here lol


Man you got no idea how bad I was, literally thought I had voices in my head hahahah, would ask myself a question in my head, then reply in my head and be like 'voices in head! sh*t' and 'what if people actually DID control your mind?' (From reading all these delusion examples) then id rationalize and then think 'what if the thing controlling your mind is just telling you to think that!', just the height of craziness, worste cycle ever. It gets better though, for real.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

SolomonOrlando said:


> You seem to be nearly recovered, it's just now you have to focus on the things that still bother you. The freaking yourself out with crazy thoughts, the delusions, etc.. - get rid of those chunk by chunk and you're golden.


And thanks Solomon, you da boss.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Yes, I entirely agree. But what came first? I woke up foggy as hell from an anxiety attack. Due to how I felt, I questioned weird things. I don't get that that is the reason I created dp?

Not trying to argue, just curious.


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## AlexFromPT (Jun 26, 2011)

Fearless said:


>


At first look, before reading anything, what I interpreted was a graphical representation of fragmentation.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Fearless said:


> Does it matter? Like, does it matter whether a foggy feeling came first (which is something EVERYBODY who ever was tired, exhausted, sleepy, had a hangover or tried a drug experienced) and you started to think thoughts that "explained" it, or that you thought deep thoughts that created feelings? The main thing is that NOTHING is wrong with you, and this is nothing more then a self-perpetuating cycle.


It doesn't matter, I'm just wondering how I got into this mess, and how I get out. Why must I express repressed emotions of this is nothing more than a self-perpetuated cycle? It feels like I'm coming out of it, but it doesn't feel like I've put in the hard work everyone speaks of, but maybe I have?


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Fearless said:


> They don't "run through your mind". You think them. You need to take responsibility for EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT that you are thinking. This is how we created DP in the first place, not taking responsibility for our thoughts.


I know they are my thoughts, I'm just concerned at the paranoid delusional scenarios I concoct in my mind in relation to real world things, it's not good.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

yosemitedome said:


> I'm just concerned at the paranoid delusional scenarios I concoct in my mind in relation to real world things, it's not good.


Can you please elaborate or describe these scenarios you create?


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Heh,

I won't describe them all, most of them are just rediculous bollocks. The one that concerns me was a thought I had today, I remembered this dude I used to work with, kind of a sketchy guy. I borrowed something off him years ago and never gave it back. Ive seen him a couple of times since and he's asked me about it, but haven't seen him in like over a year. Anyways I was like 'I should redeem this situation and call him, and get a replacement'. I called and his phone was off. Then I was like 'Fuck, I should've put my number on private, what if he finds out my address and messes with me? He might have forgotten about it but now you've sparked his memory', then I was like 'shit, I've got to be mentally ill to think this way' then I proceeded to think a slew of crazy thoughts related to this, from all the delusion examples I've read. I guess I say to myself 'if you were delusional, this is how you'd think' and then concoct a bunch of crazy situations. Just crazy stuff.

Do I think these thoughts or scenerios are even likely at best? No. I guess I worry that I get to this point in my mind, and that I even think irrational things like I do in this way.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

yosemitedome said:


> Heh,
> 
> I won't describe them all, most of them are just rediculous bollocks. The one that concerns me was a thought I had today, I remembered this dude I used to work with, kind of a sketchy guy. I borrowed something off him years ago and never gave it back. Ive seen him a couple of times since and he's asked me about it, but haven't seen him in like over a year. Anyways I was like 'I should redeem this situation and call him, and get a replacement'. I called and his phone was off. Then I was like 'Fuck, I should've put my number on private, what if he finds out my address and messes with me? He might have forgotten about it but now you've sparked his memory', then I was like 'shit, I've got to be mentally ill to think this way' then I proceeded to think a slew of crazy thoughts related to this, from all the delusion examples I've read. I guess I say to myself 'if you were delusional, this is how you'd think' and then concoct a bunch of crazy situations. Just crazy stuff.
> 
> Do I think these thoughts or scenerios are even likely at best? No. I guess I worry that I get to this point in my mind, and that I even think irrational things like I do in this way.


Those don't sound crazy my friend, you should hear some of mine hahaha. I relate to having read up on a bunch of delusions and hallucinations and what its like to have psychosis etc, its in my subconscious so when I get bad anxiety or bad dpdr it will start infiltrating my mind, I start thinking very deranged and start thinking crazy schizo thoughts and crap and it will cause more fear as I fear I will start believing and playing along with these thoughts... that, is crazy hahaha


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

I hear you, I was there and still sometimes am. You won't start playing along man, I've had the most crazy thoughts ever, trust. But it's just thoughts connected with feelings, period. People think crazy shit all the time, they just aren't trying to convince themselves they are insane or attach a BIG MENTAL ILLNESS to them. I even worried that I'd develop ocd rituals with them, like I know there's no cameras in my walls but I check anyways haha.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

P.S - I didn't just stop at 'what if he finds out my address' hahahaha.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

yosemitedome said:


> I hear you, I was there and still sometimes am. You won't start playing along man, I've had the most crazy thoughts ever, trust. But it's just thoughts connected with feelings, period. People think crazy shit all the time, they just aren't trying to convince themselves they are insane or attach a BIG MENTAL ILLNESS to them. I even worried that I'd develop ocd rituals with them, like I know there's no cameras in my walls but I check anyways haha.


LOL I hear ya man. I usually will get very random delusional thoughts like "what if people are demons" "what if I start hearing voices" "did I really see that or am I tripping out" "the toilet is talking" "that light pole looks like a person" "what if words have no meaning" "I'm schizophrenic" "im floating in space" etc etc... its madness man, those are just examples of milder ones. A lot of times I will have images pop in my head and little video clip like things pop in my head, some are past memories others are crazy schizo like things... but what keeps me assured is that I KNOW they are just crazy thoughts and ideas, they are not real... I also count on my family, friends, therapist and roommates to tell me if I am going crazy.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

yosemitedome said:


> P.S - I didn't just stop at 'what if he finds out my address' hahahaha.


P.P.S - the thing that scared me most when I was reading up on delusional thoughts like 'believing your friends are spies' or delusions of persecution, in my analytical mind I was like 'well, theoretically there is the smallest most impossibly slim chance that these things are actually true'. I mean, anything could be anything really, when you think about it.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

Yeah man, anything is possible some people who are "sane" have reported being abducted by aliens... Its well documented, ufo sightings, ghost sightings, religious things etc... so its more or less a matter of coherence or reasoning that should determine mental illness in my opinion. Culture plays a big role too lol. Anyways, I have come to the knowledge in my journey that most times a mental illness is just a label that the docs use to categorize. Another thing I found out through personal experience is that trauma and anxiety can cause ALL TYPES of bizarre thoughts, symptoms and beliefs its really limitless the effect of anxiety and or trauma can cause on ones mind.

(this is in my opinion and I am open to being way wrong)


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Doberg said:


> LOL I hear ya man. I usually will get very random delusional thoughts like "what if people are demons" "what if I start hearing voices" "did I really see that or am I tripping out" "the toilet is talking" "that light pole looks like a person" "what if words have no meaning" "I'm schizophrenic" "im floating in space" etc etc... its madness man, those are just examples of milder ones. A lot of times I will have images pop in my head and little video clip like things pop in my head, some are past memories others are crazy schizo like things... but what keeps me assured is that I KNOW they are just crazy thoughts and ideas, they are not real... I also count on my family, friends, therapist and roommates to tell me if I am going crazy.


I feel ya.

What helped me was this:

Think the living shit out of the thoughts, think the most absolutely bonkers stuff ever. You'll find your are just using your mad imagination like anyone else. Think of a healthy person who watches a horror movie and gets scared shitless there's a demon in their house or something. Doesn't mean they are delusional.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

yosemitedome said:


> I feel ya.
> 
> What helped me was this:
> 
> Think the living shit out of the thoughts, think the most absolutely bonkers stuff ever. You'll find your are just using your mad imagination like anyone else. Think of a healthy person who watches a horror movie and gets scared shitless there's a demon in their house or something. Doesn't mean they are delusional.


So true...


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Doberg said:


> Yeah man, anything is possible some people who are "sane" have reported being abducted by aliens... Its well documented, ufo sightings, ghost sightings, religious things etc... so its more or less a matter of coherence or reasoning that should determine mental illness in my opinion. Culture plays a big role too lol. Anyways, I have come to the knowledge in my journey that most times a mental illness is just a label that the docs use to categorize. Another thing I found out through personal experience is that trauma and anxiety can cause ALL TYPES of bizarre thoughts, symptoms and beliefs its really limitless the effect of anxiety and or trauma can cause on ones mind.
> 
> (this is in my opinion and I am open to being way wrong)


Yeah, I don't really agree that anxiety can cause limitless beliefs and thoughts. Your thoughts are limitless whether you're healthy or not, having anxiety doesn't increase your imagination, just your fear of it. You can't think yourself psychotic or delusional, it's impossible. Anxiety is a mere fear of thoughts and scenarios. Schizophrenia is pretty cut and dry, you either have it or you don't, period.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

yosemitedome said:


> Yeah, I don't really agree that anxiety can cause limitless beliefs and thoughts. Your thoughts are limitless whether you're healthy or not, having anxiety doesn't increase your imagination, just your fear of it. You can't think yourself psychotic or delusional, it's impossible. Anxiety is a mere fear of thoughts and scenarios. Schizophrenia is pretty cut and dry, you either have it or you don't, period.


Yeah man, I was just saying that the "side effects" of anxiety is limitless, anxiety/fear can cause a bunch of crazy things whether bizarre thoughts, ideas or physical symptoms.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Yeah, for sure. Take away your attachment to going insane and what's left though? You and your mind hanging out thinking random shit. Take away you attaching every single thing you think, feel, smell, hear, taste and see as being related to schizophrenia and dp and what's left? Life.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

Deeza said:


> You sound on the right track, you'll know when it happens


what do you mean?


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Fearless said:


> Not good, because you are not really in touch with reality. BUT. This is not an indication about how serious your problem is, it is simply a consequence. You shouldn't dwell on it. You are not becoming schizo or anything. You are just confused about who you are, can't find yourself TEMPORARILY, because you are confused about your past. Your irrational thoughts about existence, self, life, death, strange scenarious ARE NOT describing who you are, your state, they are just simply your imagination going wild in this strange state.


I'm not in touch with reality? Damn, that's not good. I don't feel strange though, I had a really really good day today, reality and no dp and all. Did you read what triggered my thought process in a later post?

I feel and felt so much closer to who I am, your reply makes me think I'm nowhere near haha. I've managed to not fear the thoughts because they are just my imagination and me being attached to them, thinking they mean I'm insane. But over past two weeks they have subsided, just pop up every now and again.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Fearless said:


> Well, problem is, yes, life remains, but you will feel that emptiness feeling, and the lack of perspective and direction, which comes from not understanding your past, not having your past integrated to your sense of self. You need to integrate your past experiences into the sense of who you are. When that happens, DP goes away like it was never there.


For sure,

I was posting that to the other lad haha.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Fearless said:


> Emotionally. Not in the way like people with delusions. You're NOT doing irrational things, you're completely aware of morals, rationality, and everything. But you are disconnected from the world emotionally, because you have unresolved, unprocessed emotional material in you.
> 
> But that has nothing to do with let's say paranoid schizophrenia. Those guys actually and firmly believe irrational things. The only irrational belief you hold is that you're on the edge of going insane. But even that is competely understandable, knowing how strange thing you are going through.


Definitely,

I guess I just mean...Like I feel 9/10's of the way to normal, but some thoughts will just trigger me. I know I'm close, but just some thought tangents I go on make me concerned every now and again. Today was a rad day for me until a couple hours ago.

I just need the badass Fearless to tell me to shut the f*ck up and I'm completely fine hahahahaha.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

yosemitedome said:


> Definitely,
> 
> I guess I just mean...Like I feel 9/10's of the way to normal, but some thoughts will just trigger me. I know I'm close, but just some thought tangents I go on make me concerned every now and again. Today was a rad day for me until a couple hours ago.
> 
> I just need the badass Fearless to tell me to shut the f*ck up and I'm completely fine hahahahaha.


P.S - I should add I'm not thinking crazy crazy stuff. Just like what I described in my post beforehand when i tried to call that lad. Sent me on a tangent, mad snowball effect.


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

Thoughts come and go all by themselves. They aren't necessarily mine. Some are definitely not mine. To let them go is my responsibility. Not to act on them or let them creep me out. There are people in my head who think differently than I do and they have plenty to say about the world. But should I listen? That is the question. Sometimes I should. For I cannot say these are my thoughts. I really have no idea.


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## Guest (Oct 24, 2013)

daydreambeliever said:


> Thoughts come and go all by themselves. They aren't necessarily mine. Some are definitely not mine. To let them go is my responsibility. Not to act on them or let them creep me out. There are people in my head who think differently than I do and they have plenty to say about the world. But should I listen? That is the question. Sometimes I should. For I cannot say these are my thoughts. I really have no idea.


Of course you should listen. Why wouldn't you? Try talking back.

I'm being serious btw.


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

Philo said:


> Of course you should listen. Why wouldn't you? Try talking back.
> 
> I'm being serious btw.


I talk back all the time! lol


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

daydreambeliever said:


> Thoughts come and go all by themselves. They aren't necessarily mine. Some are definitely not mine. To let them go is my responsibility. Not to act on them or let them creep me out. There are people in my head who think differently than I do and they have plenty to say about the world. But should I listen? That is the question. Sometimes I should. For I cannot say these are my thoughts. I really have no idea.


I don't buy the 'you are not your thoughts, don't ENGAGE! Let them float in and float out' theory, isn't that just normal thinking? I am 100% my thoughts, every last crazy one of them, it's s matter for me of realizing that my imagination scares me when I'm dp'd.


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

That's like saying god exists. You don't really know do you? I figure you haven't even done an investigation. When something cannot be known it cannot be known.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

daydreambeliever said:


> That's like saying god exists. You don't really know do you? I figure you haven't even done an investigation. When something cannot be known it cannot be known.


Huh?


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## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

daydreambeliever said:


> That's like saying god exists. You don't really know do you? I figure you haven't even done an investigation. When something cannot be known it cannot be known.


facepalm


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Fearless said:


> Not good, because you are not really in touch with reality. BUT. This is not an indication about how serious your problem is, it is simply a consequence. You shouldn't dwell on it. You are not becoming schizo or anything. You are just confused about who you are, can't find yourself TEMPORARILY, because you are confused about your past. Your irrational thoughts about existence, self, life, death, strange scenarious ARE NOT describing who you are, your state, they are just simply your imagination going wild in this strange state.
> 
> In my situation, the whole thing had to do with being confused about my father. When I realized who he is, I understood my feelings, and understood who I am. Isn't that simple? It had nothing to do with "existence", "self", "losing soul". DP is TEMPORARILY by nature. Even if someone suffers for 50 years.
> 
> ...


To be honest, I still don't take accountability of my thoughts (and I know I should). I say to myself 'I think a certain thing, so that indicates a certain mental illness, so I MUST be at the mercy of my thoughts, delusional people can't control their mind so I can't either' (even though I know these thoughts are irrational and not a normal way of thinking), almost like I EXPECT to think them, and when I do, I analyse the shit out of it.


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## Xerei (Feb 17, 2010)

yosemitedome said:


> Alright.
> 
> I just want to know if I'm on the right track; recovering, pseudo recovering, nowhere near, still at noob level or same as everyone else etc.
> 
> ...


You can tell it's lessening by the way you experience it, one of your keypoints though is that you say "Sometimes I forget I'm dp'd". That's what it's all about, you forget it, you break the habit of inducing dp on yourself, sooner or later you'll just randomly stop and think "Whoa..I don't have dp anymore", then simply move on. So yeah, sounds like you're gettin there, just don't rush.


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

Doberg said:


> LOL I hear ya man. I usually will get very random delusional thoughts like "what if people are demons" "what if I start hearing voices" "did I really see that or am I tripping out" "the toilet is talking" "that light pole looks like a person" "what if words have no meaning" "I'm schizophrenic" "im floating in space" etc etc... its madness man, those are just examples of milder ones. A lot of times I will have images pop in my head and little video clip like things pop in my head, some are past memories others are crazy schizo like things... but what keeps me assured is that I KNOW they are just crazy thoughts and ideas, they are not real... I also count on my family, friends, therapist and roommates to tell me if I am going crazy.





yosemitedome said:


> I'm not in touch with reality? Damn, that's not good. I don't feel strange though, I had a really really good day today, reality and no dp and all. Did you read what triggered my thought process in a later post?
> 
> I feel and felt so much closer to who I am, your reply makes me think I'm nowhere near haha. I've managed to not fear the thoughts because they are just my imagination and me being attached to them, thinking they mean I'm insane. But over past two weeks they have subsided, just pop up every now and again.


I wish Fearless was still on this site.

Also I have been having some crazy thoughts lately.. like i'll think there are cameras around me everywhere I go, even in my car. I even just started talking out loud in my car last night when everything was at its peak of madness. I said that its felt like it was true, but at the same time i knew it wasnt true. its like my perception changes for a second, and I have to remind myself that its not true. I'll think, what if people around me are actors? I couldnt even take a walk in the park because I kept thinking there were cameras around me, and it just feels like im becoming more and more crazy and its not ocd and I have no idea what I should be doing or if ill ever get better. My depersonalization and DP is pretty mild for the most part now and only ocurs at night really. I just wish one of you guys could tell me that you guys got better. Its like, I think them, and then my perception shifts and I just have to remind myself that its not true and etc. I wish I could have a second chance at life.

Thanks for listening guys


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

anyone?


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

sirlee said:


> I wish Fearless was still on this site.
> 
> Also I have been having some crazy thoughts lately.. like i'll think there are cameras around me everywhere I go, even in my car. I even just started talking out loud in my car last night when everything was at its peak of madness. I said that its felt like it was true, but at the same time i knew it wasnt true. its like my perception changes for a second, and I have to remind myself that its not true. I'll think, what if people around me are actors? I couldnt even take a walk in the park because I kept thinking there were cameras around me, and it just feels like im becoming more and more crazy and its not ocd and I have no idea what I should be doing or if ill ever get better. My depersonalization and DP is pretty mild for the most part now and only ocurs at night really. I just wish one of you guys could tell me that you guys got better. Its like, I think them, and then my perception shifts and I just have to remind myself that its not true and etc. I wish I could have a second chance at life.
> 
> Thanks for listening guys


Aw, this post is pretty old and those users haven't been on in awhile.

I'm sorry you couldn't get the response you wanted from them, but I can say that I suffered from the same paranoia and have recovered fairly well. The first thing I experienced through my Depersonalization was paranoia - I thought everyone around me were actors and that my immediate reality was all a movie set. The reason I had this paranoia was because I was introduced to the idea of everything being fake - since I was already Depersonalized and trying to protect myself, I ended up fearing the worst. So, subsequently, I prepared myself for everything being fake so that I could better protect myself when I figured out it was "true". This made a vicious cycle of continuing to think about that thought constantly.

The best advice that I can give you is to continue telling yourself that these thoughts aren't true. What especially helped for me was giving myself "facts" that would largely discredit my paranoid thoughts. I thought that, if the world was a movie set, how could they afford that? How could every single person in the world be acting perfectly, without breaking lines? Why would my boring life be of any interest to anyone? Also, if there are actors, then who is watching the movie? Surely no one would watch me, some introverted teenager, play video games all day. Hell, I wouldn't watch that movie, it would be boring!

In other words, I think it's important to discredit these thoughts. You're in a state of fear and your instincts are telling you to believe this crap so that you can prepare yourself for it. Your mind is afraid of letting it go because you don't want to be caught off guard. Remind yourself that there is no possibility of everyone being actors or of people watching you. Keep yourself busy with constructive hobbies and really put your time and effort into something you like - it'll help keep your mind off of things. Another thing that helped me was a psychologist, but that's really your decision to make. Many people have gotten through these thoughts without that, but I thought I'd list it anyway.

I really hope this helped!


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## nav (Mar 30, 2015)

yosemitedome said:


> Man you got no idea how bad I was, literally thought I had voices in my head hahahah, would ask myself a question in my head, then reply in my head and be like 'voices in head! sh*t' and 'what if people actually DID control your mind?' (From reading all these delusion examples) then id rationalize and then think 'what if the thing controlling your mind is just telling you to think that!', just the height of craziness, worste cycle ever. It gets better though, for real.





yosemitedome said:


> Heh,
> 
> I won't describe them all, most of them are just rediculous bollocks. The one that concerns me was a thought I had today, I remembered this dude I used to work with, kind of a sketchy guy. I borrowed something off him years ago and never gave it back. Ive seen him a couple of times since and he's asked me about it, but haven't seen him in like over a year. Anyways I was like 'I should redeem this situation and call him, and get a replacement'. I called and his phone was off. Then I was like 'Fuck, I should've put my number on private, what if he finds out my address and messes with me? He might have forgotten about it but now you've sparked his memory', then I was like 'shit, I've got to be mentally ill to think this way' then I proceeded to think a slew of crazy thoughts related to this, from all the delusion examples I've read. I guess I say to myself 'if you were delusional, this is how you'd think' and then concoct a bunch of crazy situations. Just crazy stuff.
> 
> Do I think these thoughts or scenerios are even likely at best? No. I guess I worry that I get to this point in my mind, and that I even think irrational things like I do in this way.





Doberg said:


> LOL I hear ya man. I usually will get very random delusional thoughts like "what if people are demons" "what if I start hearing voices" "did I really see that or am I tripping out" "the toilet is talking" "that light pole looks like a person" "what if words have no meaning" "I'm schizophrenic" "im floating in space" etc etc... its madness man, those are just examples of milder ones. A lot of times I will have images pop in my head and little video clip like things pop in my head, some are past memories others are crazy schizo like things... but what keeps me assured is that I KNOW they are just crazy thoughts and ideas, they are not real... I also count on my family, friends, therapist and roommates to tell me if I am going crazy.





sirlee said:


> I wish Fearless was still on this site.
> 
> Also I have been having some crazy thoughts lately.. like i'll think there are cameras around me everywhere I go, even in my car. I even just started talking out loud in my car last night when everything was at its peak of madness. I said that its felt like it was true, but at the same time i knew it wasnt true. its like my perception changes for a second, and I have to remind myself that its not true. I'll think, what if people around me are actors? I couldnt even take a walk in the park because I kept thinking there were cameras around me, and it just feels like im becoming more and more crazy and its not ocd and I have no idea what I should be doing or if ill ever get better. My depersonalization and DP is pretty mild for the most part now and only ocurs at night really. I just wish one of you guys could tell me that you guys got better. Its like, I think them, and then my perception shifts and I just have to remind myself that its not true and etc. I wish I could have a second chance at life.
> 
> Thanks for listening guys


Ok This post is soooooo relatable because Yosemitedome- This what I USED to be like 110% of the time. Yes, USED to, I managed to snap myself out of it! And all of you can too!

The 'voices' in your head was me all the time! And the 'delusions' as well.

The problem isn't that we are schizophrenic or bipolar or suffer from delusions. The problem is that because these diseases are mental disorders, it is easy for an individual to create the illusion of feeling like they have them. First and foremost these voices tend to have some sort of substance to them and aren't as vague as the thoughts in our mind. I tell you guys honestly when you start tracking your thoughts you don't even notice that voice. Up until maybe three weeks ago I was constantly tracking my internal monologue and worrying whether I was the source of them or not. psychosis is particularly distinct and most schizophrenic's don't consider these thoughts as abnormal as they have completely distanced from reality. All that's happened is that you've become conscious of your 'internal monologue' which every human being has. You've always had it, and you're just more conscious.

Here is a very interesting TED Talks on a women who used to hear voices:

http://www.ted.com/talks/eleanor_longden_the_voices_in_my_head?language=en

The purpose of me showing you is so you can understand that the voices are different. The women explains how, in her first experience she looked around her to see where the voice came from. I think by this you can assess the nature of the voices. Also with psychosis voices tend to be violent, seductive,aggressive, and always directed at the individual. A conversation with yourself is by no means a sign of psychosis. In fact interestingly, I read an article in which it said that most people who ACTUALLY hear voices don't need medical attention. Infact some people have voices which are very positive. And actually up to 10% of the population hears voices regularly. If you include hearing your name in a shopping mall (or similar environment), this figure increases to 75%. Gandhi, Socrates, Freud all heard voices very frequently.

In terms of the delusions. Yes I also got these. I used to always think the usual existential ones like 'what if the world's non existent' and all the other rubbish I can't remember. I remember one day I told my best friend a secret and the thought occurred to me what if he tells someone, then I worried- oh shit, 'I'm paranoid' but it's natural to think these things- and I guarantee you all that you had many of these, if not all before your DP/DR you just didn't give importance. If one day I was happy I'd worry I was manic. If one day I'm sad I'd worry I was depressed. The thing is if you notice your 'delusions' they're all 'what if' scenarios. THAT in itself proves they're not delusions but rather just anxiety. A delusion is 'x is true' whereas anxiety is 'WHAT IF x is true'. A delusion whether related to paranoia, persecution or grandeur is when an individual whole heartedly is utterly CONVINCED that x is the truth and nothing can make them think otherwise. Also like the last point, Paranoia in itself isn't a sign of schizophrenia.

Also Schizophrenia is largely genetic, so if it's not in your family the chances of you getting it is minimal, close to impossible.

Finally, you may ask, then why am I getting these thoughts? Answer (In my case at least- and I assume in yours too) : You've developed an obsession with mental health generally. I personally had, developed an intellectual fascination with schizophrenia and other mental health diseases. I mean who can't they're so intriguing. It came to the point where I was considering switching studying from Law (What i'll be doing at uni next year) to psychiatry or psychology. But the thing was, I was calling it an intellectual fascination to mask what it really was- the sheer fear of insanity. I'd read up on these diseases and scare myself and that fear in one way becomes something that attracts your subconscious mind. Like it sounds sadistic but we almost subconsciously want anxiety, even though on the surface we hate it. (Maybe I'm wrong here, this is just an opinion). But point is by reading up on and thinking on it, we create these non existent scenario's in our head.

sirlee- yours sounds much more consistent- it's probably the same think, but i'd speak to a professional just in case. The fact that you tell yourself something isn't true, I think is a good sign.

So what's the cure?

For me it was a number of things

a) A good support system- my family, friends etc. My dad had me see a senior psychiatrist friend of his who said something which really clicked. He said if you hypothetically did develop schizophrenia, so what? We'll treat it in it's early stages. This is true- most schizophrenics nowadays are living very normal lives. Google- Elyn Saks, severe schizophrenic and yet she's Professor of Law at USC- accomplished academic and writer- authored many books. Also, if it's treated early it doesn't develop. But despite this- I guarantee you all WILL NOT GO SCHIZOPHRENIC. Trust me I've spent MONTHS worrying about it.

b) To hush these voices stop paying attention to them. I barely focus any more and don't even notice! THE GOLDEN RULE IS THIS- is STOP giving them importance- the more importance you give them, the more they eat you up. Next time you get these 'delusional' thoughts, ignore them, think so-what? what if the world is unreal? I'll continue to live in this fake world. So what if that guy is going to beat me up? I won't die. And if you track your internal monologue, do so, but don't worry that you are. FEAR is what is eating you all. Not Delusions or Voices or Paranoia.

c) Seriously, this is the most difficult thing for me- and I find myself doing this occasionally- STOP, FOR GOD's SAKE READING UP ON THIS STUFF!!! The University of Google is no academic authority haha! That is the cause for everything. My DP/DR was 100x better before I started reading up on schizophrenia etc!

HOLD ON IN THERE

"Nothing is permanent except change"

if you need to talk I'm here.

Thanks,

Nav


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

SolomonOrlando said:


> Aw, this post is pretty old and those users haven't been on in awhile.
> 
> I'm sorry you couldn't get the response you wanted from them, but I can say that I suffered from the same paranoia and have recovered fairly well. The first thing I experienced through my Depersonalization was paranoia - I thought everyone around me were actors and that my immediate reality was all a movie set. The reason I had this paranoia was because I was introduced to the idea of everything being fake - since I was already Depersonalized and trying to protect myself, I ended up fearing the worst. So, subsequently, I prepared myself for everything being fake so that I could better protect myself when I figured out it was "true". This made a vicious cycle of continuing to think about that thought constantly.
> 
> ...


The crazy thing is that I don't really feel depersonalized or derealized anymore really, at least I dont think so. I just feel so detached from reality in a different way recently, these past two weeks really, and i fear that Im developing some sort of delusion. I just saw a video on youtube of a lady that has bipolar psychosis or something, and the thing is that Ive only experience depression and unbelieable sadness because i have these thoughts and the DP/DR. And ive never had psychotic break, yet I feel that Sometime in my life im going to have one, and it makes me cry because it means that I wont ever have a normal life ever again, and by normal I mean cured, healed, 100 metally healthy, and im only 22!! its not fair. Ive heard some people recover, but I havent, and I feel like I may never recovered. I feel suffocated by these thoughts and the way my mind, or myself, sees the world when those thoughts come up. I fucking hate it. I hate it so much  Thanks for listening.


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

SolomonOrlando said:


> Aw, this post is pretty old and those users haven't been on in awhile.
> 
> I'm sorry you couldn't get the response you wanted from them, but I can say that I suffered from the same paranoia and have recovered fairly well. The first thing I experienced through my Depersonalization was paranoia - I thought everyone around me were actors and that my immediate reality was all a movie set. The reason I had this paranoia was because I was introduced to the idea of everything being fake - since I was already Depersonalized and trying to protect myself, I ended up fearing the worst. So, subsequently, I prepared myself for everything being fake so that I could better protect myself when I figured out it was "true". This made a vicious cycle of continuing to think about that thought constantly.
> 
> ...


One more thing, i didnt post this on the above reply, but have you been diagnosed with something or another, like ocd, delusional, anything?


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