# TRIGGER WARNING:Help solipsism, matrix, ocd thoughts about unreality?!! I can't take it anymore :(



## dlop5678 (Jan 28, 2016)

Hello everyone. I am 18 years old and about 2 months ago i started having these thoughts about whether the world is real. I got so scared and I started feeling this thing called derealization. I started questioning whether or not other people exist and were simply a figment of my imagination. Now it has gotten extremely worse. I keep thinking that I am living in some kind of simulation and some alien form is controlling my life and experiences.

Also weird coincidences are what trigger these thoughts in my mind and makes me believe that my life is a simulation For example sometimes I hear a word on tv or the radio and I see that word somewhere at exactly the same time. Other times I don't remember doing certain things. For example yesterday when i got back to my car, the window was down. But the thing is I don't remember putting the window down. And I get these thoughts that what if these things are glitches in the simulation or that this alien deity is trying to hint at me that this world isn't real. I know it sounds ridiculous but I just don't know what to do. And even If I start to feel better I begin to think what if the simulation is just making me believe I feel better. So i am basically kinda stuck. My thoughts somehow just find loophole and loopholes and there is no escape. Maybe this anxiety is causing me to be paranoid. I'm not sure. Please someone help. I can't even look at my family without questioning if they are real or not. I love my family but these thoughts just keep popping inside my head. I can't even go to college right now because I think what's the point if everything isn't real. I started taking prozac a few days ago and I'm hoping it will help a bit. But this has been giving me huge anxiety and depression and I can't take it anymore. Sometimes I feel like ending my life but I know I won't do it. Because deep down inside I know its all in my head. I am so scared right now and i feel as though i am forever trapped in these thoughts. I just want to enjoy my life.

Any help would me much appreciated.


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## 58779 (Jan 7, 2016)

Hello, I totally relate to what you are going through. I fell in that kind of loop 2 times in my life. From what I understand your problems are with thoughts more than depersonalization and feelings (thoughts may bring these feelings time to time though)..I recommend seeing a psychiatrist if you can, as in my opinion what you are describing is more what is called existential OCD and they know how to treat this disorder. Prozac may help and bring down anxiety and obsession and there are other drugs that help with OCD but psychiatrists will know better which is best for you. Also CBT is a great help for these kinds of thoughts. But know that you will not be like this forever and there is cure. And also, no matter what I guarantee you that these kinds of thoughts lessen over time. You know that these are only thoughts of scary scenarios and not reality, and I want to repeat that.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

It's important to slow down and realize that there is no evidence for these alien and matrix theories. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one who worries about this kind of thing.


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## vanuti vetru (Sep 7, 2015)

Pretty much same thing here.

Try to not add fuel to those thoughts by constant worrying and anxiety. It's a well-known vicious circle - the more you fear and worry, the deeper you tend to get stuck with ideations of such kind. Aim to provoke situations in your life that will "take you out of your mind". Meet friends, talk much, do some sports etc. Even trivial actions often matter.

Always remember that thoughts of this type are just a symptom, not the main issue. The way your mind interpretes facts and creates theories depends very much on your overall emotional and sometimes even physical condition. In balanced state of mind such ruminations don't occur very often and even when they do, they won't affect you in such a negative way. It's because they're basically pointless given our level of knowledge. Once the balance is restored, the sense of being trapped passes.

Anti-depressants can help, although each reacts a bit different to various meds. Remember that for the first week or two on an SSRI you may experience a temporary worsening of symptoms.


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## dlop5678 (Jan 28, 2016)

Thank you guys for your responses. It's reassuring to know that others go through the same thing. It's just that sometimes weird things happen to me (maybe it could be a memory problem) and that is what triggers these thoughts. These coincidences, "I don't remember doing things," moments etc., these incidences are what make me think this way. It's really been a struggle for the past 2 months but I know with time I will get through this. It's also comforting to know that these theories can't be proven and that it is all in my head. It's crazy how our mind can play tricks on us and make us believe things that are not true.


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## Existensial (Dec 25, 2015)

Hey, don't worry so much about all those existential thoughts. I promise you, they will go away. I used to have all sort of fear inducing ideas and thoughts and "what if's" just like you during my first year or so of depersonalization/derealization but slowly with time and learning to shift my attention and mind onto other things, it all went away and now I am no longer bothered with any of the mental symptoms of both disorders. I actually kind of am in disbelief remembering how much stress those thoughts would cause me and find it almost humorous because all those thoughts are nothing but thoughts, and stupid ones at that. You are real, your family is real, your neighbors are real, the world is real and I know after you get through this and come to the realization that those are merely dumb thoughts caused by an overload of stress/anxiety, you'll feel a bit more at peace.

Also a tip: something that could be of help to you in order to feel as though things are a bit more real would be to indulge in things you loved. EX: got a favorite meal? Sit right down and slowly eat it, think of all the textures you feel from it and all the flavors you can taste from it. Is the day outside nice and sunny? Try to sit outside in the sunlight, feeling the warm rays against your skin and the fresh air getting into your lungs. Try to take the little things you would do before and really focus on them. Best of luck, friend. If I, someone who was in your position before and hopeless as can be, could get through that then I fully believe you can do this as well.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

You don't remember doing things? First, see a neurologist to rule out organic causes, please. If everything checks out, see a some psych professionals, and describe what you're going through. It's hard to give a dissociative disorder a prognosis, but I think you will be okay with some help. Advocate for yourself strongly, and please mention that your experience led you to self-diagnose (I guess) depersonalization disorder. It's a lot of shit to deal with, but it's going to be okay, and life will not stay where it is now. The symptoms you're experiencing and the "conclusions" you are coming to can be dealt with, so that you can live your life again.


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## dlop5678 (Jan 28, 2016)

Thanks Surfer Rosa for the advice and reassurance, much appreciate it. Quick question..

Have you ever gone through these type of existential OCD thoughts or is it just physical depersonalization symptoms that you feel?

I don't really get depersonalization symptoms that much. They are mostly these thoughts that causes me to have anxiety and depression, which makes the situation extremely worse. It really sucks to feel this way but I know deep down that this world is real.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

Not all dissociation is necessarily a serious, crippling disorder. They're finding way more low to moderate levels in people than previously thought. Anxiety and OCD are often comorbid with Depersonalization Disorder. Depersonalization, or in a broader sense dissociation, symptoms can be due to a variety of conditions.

Forgetting things, and being trapped in thoughts of this nature, would be something a psychologist could help you come to understand and start dealing with. I've had everything you describe, except that specific memory issue, although I can become briefly disoriented. The symptoms are all very strange, and there's no reliable way to measure it.


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## Allez (Apr 10, 2013)

Lower your anxiety, and stop believing everything your mind tells you. By 'you', I mean the awareness behind those thoughts.


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## hennessy (Apr 2, 2008)

All I know is, this passes as Allez told me before. Don't worry and keep in mind that, these are just human made theories. Your emotions are at wheel so you start believing them. No matter what you do though, they won't be true. And there is no single evidence about them.


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## IAmNobody (Oct 14, 2015)

I was like you in august, september and october. I thought I was really going crazy, it was insane.. Then I Started medication, started going to a shrink and found a job, now I barely have those thoughts. They will pass, but do something ! Anthing... Go outside, take a walk, talk with someone, clean your house, cook yourself a meal..just do smething to distract yourself.


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