# no one seems to answer anymore



## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

which is probably a good thing because that means they are off living their lives, but regardless i have decided to post this in two different places because i'd really like to get a response.

my symptoms used to perfectly match up with dp/dr and lately they seem to be "changing". Whereas i used to feel a strong disconnect(things like the world seeming intangible), i no longer feel this way. I now just feel like things look "off", sometimes colors look more vivid, i have a feeling like i have done something before or will do something that i have done before, and my mind seems to kind of internally ramble incoherent things. Does anyone else get this with dp/dr? or should i be worried that maybe it's something else. I feel like there is "something" like a discomforting thought or idea that is just stuck inside me and follows me everywhere. I have done the best i can do describe these feelings but it's difficult to put into words. I am considering going back to my old job at starbucks and i'm afraid that these feelings of unreality or surreality are going to get in the way. I need any kind of advice, please! lately i am convincing myself that i am becoming schizophrenic and thinking about it so hard to the point where i feel like it is already beginning. any and all help would be much appreciated! i am living in a constant state of worry/fear. I would especially like to hear from someone who knows anything about the onset of schizophrenia for reassurance. I have been experiencing these things for 4 months now although they have kind of evolved a little, and the onset was instantaneous and has led to these feelings 24/7.


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

Hi Garjon,
You don't sound schizo to me. The fact that you are on this forum and rationally trying to understand the way you feel and think is normal. My understanding is that schizophrenics don't have the ability to self-reflect about their mental condition or actions. They just do bizarre things. My sister knew a guy who was truly schizo and she would tell me of his exploits. For instance, he would do very strange things when off his neuroleptics, such as, suddenly go buy cans of black paint with the only bit of money he had and paint his entire bedroom from top to bottom including the windows all black. Then in the winter time he got the garden hose out and sprayed the cold sidewalks, roads, cars and houses, just to see the glistening, WITHOUT CONCERN FOR OTHER PEOPLE OR THEIR SAFETY. His family had to involuntarily commit him because he was disrupting people's lives so much. This behavior doesn't sound like anyone I read about on this forum. I hope this has helped. I believe my DP is caused entirely from interpersonal stress precipitated from smoking a pot joint. Learning to handle stress in my life in a positive and correct manner rather than thinking I deserve the abuse I've had to endure all my life is my lesson to overcome right now. I pray I get it through my thick head that I don't deserve to be crapped on by anyone. Take care.


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## Guest (Jun 3, 2009)

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## lcich (Mar 14, 2009)

Garjon said:


> I feel like there is "something" like a discomforting thought or idea that is just stuck inside me and follows me everywhere. I have done the best i can do describe these feelings but it's difficult to put into words. I am considering going back to my old job at starbucks and i'm afraid that these feelings of unreality or surreality are going to get in the way.


I know how you feel, I just can never seem to put it into words either. I feel like if someone could just describe what I am thinking and feeling, I would be so relieved and it would help me get onto the path of feeling better. I would try out working at your old job. I am feeling ok at my job now--but I can remember when the feelings of unreality were so strong I thought that I was going to loose control of myself and like I didn't even exist. I pushed through these, and it's probably good because it is good to be working with people to help me stay involved in the world.

I have an aunt who is schizophrenic and for almost a year I was consumed with thoughts and fears of turning out like her. It even got so bad (and still sometimes does) that when I talk or do something, I feel like I am her saying or doing it and I adopt the characteristics that I fear the most in my head. It has helped to read so many things on this site, and even this post, about how schizophrenics do not even have the capacity to analyze their condition. Of course, then I wonder if I am really analyzing myself and blah, blah, blah :? but to look at it objectively, I do spend a great amount of time being hyperaware of myself--even though I can't describe what I am feeling or thinking.


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## Johnny Dep (Feb 8, 2009)

Garjon said:


> which is probably a good thing because that means they are off living their lives, but regardless i have decided to post this in two different places because i'd really like to get a response.
> 
> my symptoms used to perfectly match up with dp/dr and lately they seem to be "changing". Whereas i used to feel a strong disconnect(things like the world seeming intangible), i no longer feel this way. I now just feel like things look "off", sometimes colors look more vivid, i have a feeling like i have done something before or will do something that i have done before, and my mind seems to kind of internally ramble incoherent things. Does anyone else get this with dp/dr? or should i be worried that maybe it's something else. I feel like there is "something" like a discomforting thought or idea that is just stuck inside me and follows me everywhere. I have done the best i can do describe these feelings but it's difficult to put into words. I am considering going back to my old job at starbucks and i'm afraid that these feelings of unreality or surreality are going to get in the way. I need any kind of advice, please! lately i am convincing myself that i am becoming schizophrenic and thinking about it so hard to the point where i feel like it is already beginning. any and all help would be much appreciated! i am living in a constant state of worry/fear. I would especially like to hear from someone who knows anything about the onset of schizophrenia for reassurance. I have been experiencing these things for 4 months now although they have kind of evolved a little, and the onset was instantaneous and has led to these feelings 24/7.


Hallucinations are the key to being labelled schizo. The affects of schizophrenia are divided into positive and negative symptoms. Positive symptoms are things schizos have but normal people don't, mainly hallucinations. Negative symptoms are things normal people have but schizos don't, mainly a full emotional life. TONS of people feel emotionally empty in the manner of a schizo without the hallucinations. To narrow it down you really need to have the hallucinations, or at least delusional thoughts.

Certain mental health problems like OCD and DP give people all sorts of problems while allowing them to still pass reality testing. I'm scared of doing normal things, but if you ask me questions I can give you the answers a sane person would. If you can pass reality testing it doesn't mean you don't have crippling disfunction, but it does mean your prolly not a schizo. I think being dysfunctional and yet passing reality testing is actually worse, meaning more painful, in my opinion.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

It's common that people who experience DP become worried that they have or are developing schizophrenia. If you had schizophrenia I doubt you would be questioning it so hardly. Also for peace of mind I've never heard of anyone on this forum who has developed schizophrenia. It's just your mind playing tricks on you making you feel weird, unreal, numb, out there, etc. from overanalyzing everything. Getting a job can be scary at first when you feel this way but I think you should go for it. Working helps distract the intrusive thoughts and gives you something to focus on. Plus you'll be getting income.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

thanks for all the replies and encouragement! It's been a long, strange, winding road and i guess every time i start to feel comfortable, the slightest thing changes which makes me feel like i'm getting worse. I just need to try to stay positive and keep busy i think, i have way too much freetime to sit around and overanalyze my feelings and thoughts. thanks again for all the help, i really appreciate it.


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

Staying involved in life and my job and interacting with other people, good and bad, helps me to work through deep-seated issues I've had all my life. That helps me to heal.


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## konstantine02 (Mar 12, 2009)

I read this and it intrigued me mainly because now that the DP has gone down, I feel "weird" and am not sure if I have DP, or if I have something else at this point. I can't even put into words how I feel. I just know I feel a bit off and feel like I've already lost my mind. I'm also back onto my freaking out about becoming schizophrenic as usual. I was riding a bike today and I was like, I wish this "wall" that's blocking me from myself would lift because I want to know that I'm alive and doing these things. I seriously think I'm dead right now, but at the same time I don't. Trippy ass shit man. Blah.


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## Deja_vu_256 (Apr 27, 2009)

yeah i get like that sumtimes... doubting that i have dp or sumthing - but i know i do - if i think about enything for far to long ill begin to doubt myself... usually that's when i know i need to do sumthing else for awhile...


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## adyttzzzzu (May 14, 2009)

konstantine02 said:


> I read this and it intrigued me mainly because now that the DP has gone down, I feel "weird" and am not sure if I have DP, or if I have something else at this point. I can't even put into words how I feel. I just know I feel a bit off and feel like I've already lost my mind. I'm also back onto my freaking out about becoming schizophrenic as usual. I was riding a bike today and I was like, I wish this "wall" that's blocking me from myself would lift because I want to know that I'm alive and doing these things. I seriously think I'm dead right now, but at the same time I don't. Trippy ass shit man. Blah.


That's exactlt how i feel now...my dp has gone down by 50% but i somehow feel weird,last 2 weeks i was able to function at 100% but i still have doubts whethere i have dp or some other more serious mental illness ,somehow the mind fog is worse than when my dp started :shock: :?


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

aside from getting a job (mainly out of fear) i am completely functional. I feel connected to people, but half the time i'm just scared shitless because my mind feels like its working differently, i still have dr so the outside world still looks foreign, but mixed in with all of that everything feels like it has happened before. So it's just a cluster fuck of ridiculousness that i don't know what to do with. I feel like i've already written this before, and hell i probably have written pretty much the same damn thing on this server before so who knows, maybe i just need a big change. And yes, i too worry about the schizophrenia thing or just suddenly waking up and not recognizing anything or anyone or having any understanding of what "life" is.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

konstantine02 said:


> I wish this "wall" that's blocking me from myself would lift because I want to know that I'm alive and doing these things. I seriously think I'm dead right now, but at the same time I don't. Trippy ass shit man. Blah.


everything here describes my DP EXACTLY. Sometimes I think ive died and am living in some sort of pergatory, and most of the time I feel like I litterally DO NOT exist, like my very self-awareness is hanging on by a thread and could dissappear at any time. It is some trippy crap that scares the flower* out of me.


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

I was walking down the hall where I work, and really did feel invisible today, and the reason is that I just can't talk to combative people anymore, I must ignore them for my own sanity--those types who can diss someone and in the next breath be shooting the breeze with them like nothing happened. These people also crap on me without hesitation and expect me to bounce back in the next breath and talk to them like I love them. I felt alone today needing some nice person to talk to and who was comforting to be around, and here comes a very nice person into my lab to talk to me. I love to be around peaceful, team-player type people who I sense a love for humanity and not a "top dog" attitude. I can function very well the rest of the day and not feel lost and afraid then with just a short conversation and visit.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Dear Garjon, and everyone else who has posted a reply! I thank you so much for all of your insight. I have been suffering dp on and off for many years. I have always been prone to anxiety, I guess. I worry a lot about going crazy and having schizophrenia. In my daily life, I act normal. I just obsess a lot about my thoughts, all the things everyone on this board writes about. Garjon, I wanted to thank you for verbalizing the fear of waking up and not knowing anyone or recognizing anyone in my daily life. This frightens me so much! Thank you for mentioning that because I can completely relate.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Thank you Garjon and everyone else for their responses. I get scared about schizophrenia. Garjan, I too have worried that I will wake up and not be able to recognize anyone or anything about my life at all. Thank you for sharing that!


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