# Dp/dr almost gone but now i feel insane, need help



## Amethysteyes (Jun 9, 2018)

First, let me say, dont take my experiance as one thatll happen to you if you recover or are recovering from dp/dr. Im just an incredibly sensitive and anxious person.

The past few nights, sleep has been almost impossible and i only get alittle sleep. Idk if im even dped anymore cause the most i feel now dp wise is occassional bouts of feeling unreal. Now my entire day has been replaced with pure anxiety and insanity... I keep thinking im keeping myself here because i cant think of anything else to think about besides everything the dp has put me through, like theres suppose to be a special reason. Why do i experiance these things?? Why does anybody?? My anxietys through the roof. The anxiety might bring back my dp, who knows. Today (like usual) has been filled with lots of self reflection which i wish would stop. I cant stop thinking about myself or the dp and i need to think of something else and its impossible. I fear im slipping into insanity. I have also realized alot of my family members have experianced dp/dr before on multiple occassions and all have had this existential shit too. It should comfort me to know this but for some reason it stresses me out cause i feel like if its a much more common phenomenon, theres gotta be a reason for it. I started dwelling on death today after finally realizing i need to confront it and its fucking me up. I dont care if theres an afterlife or nothing at all after death anymore. I feel like im going crazy. I feel like im stuck in a pit of no return. The only thing that makes me feel better is positive things and laughing and SOMEHOW distracting myself from this which is RARE. Why do i spend my whole day, every day consumed and suffering? Sleep is so difficult..its when all these things get worse and i start questioning where i am in life. Everything feels far away from me and i dont know how to carry on. Im not suicidal, exact opposite and terrified to die. My thoughts are all over the place and sometimes make no sense. I keep having times where i close my eyes and i almost drift off to sleep but not quite and because im so consumed by this, i start dreaming of what im going through still. Like basically, i am lying in bed thinking myself into oblivion and then when i close my eyes to try and sleep to make it go away, my mind continues it in dream form. If im able to calm myself before sleep, i can ACCUALLY fall asleep and dream properly without feeling disturbed. I dont know what to do. Ive tried staying off my phone/internet. Ive tried changing my prespective on this. I have been taking multivitamins, probiotics and am trying to eat healthier. I have already accepted what im experiancing. I have tried distracting myself. I have tried having faith, believing in god and heaven but even that scares me, to think theres an eternity after this life somewhere else, even if its pleasent. My life itself feels far away, unreachable. My family is all im thinking about rn socially cause i havent left the house in two weeks besides running to the store. I havent seen my friends in two weeks and that feels so long ago rn. I only have two friends and theres one guy i have been talking to but they feel incredibly distant from me rn even tho we have contact everyday, idk how to describe it. I even have a therapist now. Rn its 4:30am, im super sleep deprived after having a "nightmare" about this shit which wasnt accual sleep and im considering an anxiety hotline or something. Ive been driving my mother crazy cause she doesnt want me to suffer like this and feels bad she cant do anything for me other than comfort me so im trying to at least act stronger in front of her for her sake. My family couldnt afford to put me in a phyc ward, even if i did go mad. I feel like ill always be suffering. Im not even that dped anymore, i just feel like my whole soul/being is fucked up beyond belief. What should i do??


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Are you sure your not still DP or DR even mildly ?
Reason I'm saying is when its really mild in me it feels probably more insane as I'm more aware off myself and my feelings cause the brains not fogged unlike severe DR DP .
Your other posts you mention it's all mild so maybe it still is 
DP DR becomes an obsession , well in a way it does cause sometimes it's all we think about or Google. 
I think about it pretty much 80% of the day ever since it started in me , now over 2 years , I research it still and browse this forum daily , do you also ?
If we could stop the constant thinking about dr dp or how were feeling this may go , not sure about this but I've never stopped thinking about it 100% 
Do you have OCD? I do have done pretty much all my life and when my OCD is flared up DP dr thinking feels quite similar as I'm doing the same thinking and obsessing ect .
If your anything like me I overthink most stuff more then a normal person so dealing with this is just that much harder. 
With your bad anxiety, can you work out intensity ? Getting outside and getting your heart beating hard really gets alot ov adrenaline out , it helps me .


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

How long have you had DP DR and what caused it to start ?


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## Amethysteyes (Jun 9, 2018)

allison84 said:


> Are you sure your not still DP or DR even mildly ?
> Reason I'm saying is when its really mild in me it feels probably more insane as I'm more aware off myself and my feelings cause the brains not fogged unlike severe DR DP .
> Your other posts you mention it's all mild so maybe it still is
> DP DR becomes an obsession , well in a way it does cause sometimes it's all we think about or Google.
> ...





allison84 said:


> How long have you had DP DR and what caused it to start ?


Wow, its crazy i posted that 3 days ago. Yes i do have OCD, diagnosed with it 3 years ago with panic disorder. Yes, now that ive gotten a clearer head recently, i think i was and still am dp'ed/dr'ed. I accually realized i still believe alot of "delusions" im obsessed with (existential and death/afterlife shit) that ive started talking myself out of and disproving in my head. I also realized just how much i was obsessing and researching and looking for reasurrance (ocd's compulsive component) I might accually be improving but i know better now than to hold my breath with this shit now. I listened to a guided meditation specifically designed with anxiety and ocd and letting go to go to sleep last night and have been busy at work with my best friend (we work together) for two days and i suddenly feel clearer. Theres still something off tho, definently. If i ever fully recover, ill post a recovery story but idk if ill relapse.


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## Amethysteyes (Jun 9, 2018)

Ive had dp dr before this time. 3 years ago it started. I used to blame it on antidepressants but i remembered i had a light dp/dr experiance with major depression right before i took the antidepressants. The anti depressants just triggered my disorder but it was already something i was bound to develop anyway with how bad my anxiety is. I also noticed marijuana amplifies my dp/dr to its most extreme state so i stay far away from it. Now since the beginning of june, its been cronic and much much worse and my dads death triggered it this time but the whole time, i think ive slowly been thinking my way through it but im not sure yet. Ive felt normal a couple times so im pretty sure ive made progress.


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## Hopeful85 (Jul 8, 2018)

Have you tried anything to help with sleep? That’s been and still is my main concern right now. It’s horrible. Muscle fatigue is starting to set in and even when I can fall asleep I get twitches that wake me up or even worse vivid dreams that raise my heart rate until I wake up in a cold sweat. If I could sleep for a week I would right now.


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## Amethysteyes (Jun 9, 2018)

I get the same issues with sleep. Twitching is just something ive accepted as ive had it my whole life and i dont let it disturb me but it can wake me up which is super annoying. I tried some guided meditations on youtube and they have really helped me, i listen to ones specific to anxiety and ocd, id recommend at least trying it. You gotta really focus on what they are saying and get yourself away from your thoughts so you can relax.


Hopeful85 said:


> Have you tried anything to help with sleep? That's been and still is my main concern right now. It's horrible. Muscle fatigue is starting to set in and even when I can fall asleep I get twitches that wake me up or even worse vivid dreams that raise my heart rate until I wake up in a cold sweat. If I could sleep for a week I would right now.


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## Hopeful85 (Jul 8, 2018)

I loooooove the guided meditations on YouTube. They definitely helped me. I actually feel so stupid because I’m pretty sure my sleep was suffering because I wasn’t really eating. But thankfully it’s improved and slowly things are getting better.


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## Amethysteyes (Jun 9, 2018)

Hopeful85 said:


> I loooooove the guided meditations on YouTube. They definitely helped me. I actually feel so stupid because I'm pretty sure my sleep was suffering because I wasn't really eating. But thankfully it's improved and slowly things are getting better.


Im really glad things are getting better for you. I definently get hungry throughout the night if i cant sleep, espessially if ive been laying there for a couple hours and it gets super annoying.


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## ricoco (Aug 15, 2018)

I've had these kind of thoughts, and what I'm about to share with you should help you a lot. There was really only one way I was able to deal with overwhelming anxiety, and that one way is so counter intuitive to how we usually perceive bad emotions, it wouldn't surprise me if you hadn't thought of it yet (I had to hear it as well before it became obvious)

What you should try to do, if you haven't already, is sit down on your bed/couch/chair etc. Doesn't really matter where, what matters is that you're alone.

After you sit down, I need you to close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, and... *focus entirely on those negative feelings.*

No distractions, no rationalizing why you feel the way you do, just completely center your focus on feeling these feelings. Allow yourself to fully experience them. Face your feelings head on, and feel them (no external bullshit like logically thinking about emotions, I cannot stress that enough, just feel them! Don't think about them) You wouldn't choke up and try to distract yourself from a happy feeling, would you? You would allow it to take control of the situation, and then eventually pass when it's drained. Well, our brains perceives both (positive and negative) types of feelings in the exact same way; meaning, they're both natural human emotions that need to be processed and paid attention to in order to dissipate. You have to embrace them in order to release them, it's really the most effective way of neutralizing your brain chemistry. Try to detach yourself from the experience, as if you are not you, but merely an observer (should be pretty simple since you struggled with DP) and just observe these negative emotions. They are not you. You will not die. You will be okay. But they're still a part of you, a part that needs to be addressed.

What I would compare it to, is a house fire. Let's say your kitchen is caught on fire, and you now have to do something. Firefighters won't be on the way, you live alone in the mountains, and you have to act and make a call yourself. You have a fire extinguisher by your side. Now sure, you could run outside, save yourself momentary discomfort of heat, and then watch as your entire house burns to the ground. Or, you could jump into the fire and extinguish it within a few seconds, and save your house. Negative emotions really will disappear that easily, all you have to do is focus on them and feel them out without thinking too much about it. Good luck to you, I hope my advice helps even a little.


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