# How I overcame my existential crisis and DR/DP.



## Z-Ron

After struggling with both intense DR and DP for 3 years since I was 15, I am confident that I am now recovered... and I think anyone can overcome this as well.

My DR/DP was oh so bad. It stemmed a bit from traumatic events in my family (the death of my brother, my other brother being off his medicine for schizophrenia and terrorizing the family, lots of things)... but I think it mostly stemmed from my existential crisis.

When I turned 15, I started to question things a lot. It all began one day when I was playing a video game, and I suddenly stopped. I paused the game, put the controller down, and started to question my own existence. It scared me, and that same night I had to wake my mother up because I was so frightened. She stayed up with me most of the night, then I finally fell asleep.

I didn't experience it again until I turned 16 and the tragic, unexpected death of my brother occurred. I was in shock, my existential crisis had come back with both barrels.

From there on, I spiraled into a deep depression. I would get these fleeting moments of disconnection from reality, they were absolutely horrible. They eventually stopped being fleeting moments, but rather a 24/7 feeling that would not go away. I later learned that this was called "derealization and/or depersonalization".

I was so miserable at one point, that for 3 months I didn't leave the house. I dropped out of high school. I was sleeping on the couch in the living room every single day because I wanted to be around my parents. I never wanted to be alone with my own thoughts, in fear that my mind would turn in on itself and I would go mad. I felt pathetic, defeated, overwhelmed.

I turned to philosophy. It did not help much, of course I was probably reading the wrong type of philosophy (Nietzsche). As a personal word of advice, I would not read Nietzsche if you are having an existential dilemma. He has very negative views that will leave you feeling hopeless about existence.

Then, one day, my father was watching the Discovery channel. There was a documentary on about all the things that I questioned (reality, our universe, purpose on this world, etc.). It had quotes and interviews with people like Carl Sagan, Richard Dawkins, etc.

I wondered, how can these men have no belief in god, an afterlife, or any of that stuff and still be happy? HOW?

I started reading a lot about people like Richard Dawkins, Carl Sagan, James Randi, all atheists with rational beliefs that made sense to me. It comforted me that there were men like this that probably went through the same thing as I and are happy, intelligent, people.

Overtime, I started to crave knowledge. I wanted to see the wonders of this world we live in. I wanted to understand more about our universe. I accepted the fact that the world I live in is very strange, and without explanation for its existence, but at the same time beautiful and full of wonders. Just think about it this way, existence may be strange, but it is beautiful. This world, and our universe for that matter, are full of BEAUTIFUL and wondrous things. Why would you ever want to take your own life when there could be the discovery of a new alien race tomorrow? What if there is a huge event that happens in the world that changes things forever (take Egypt's uprising for instance). That is what keeps me going, I don't want to miss what happens next in this extraordinary world.

What also kept me going, was talking. Talking about my problems. If you keep your feelings bottled up, they will eat away at you and destroy you. Trust me.

Whenever I was feeling derealized and hopeless, I would talk to my father or mother. My father is a very light hearted man, with no religious beliefs to shove down my throat. Speaking of that, I think that religion is not a permanent solution to DR/DP. It may make you feel temporarily better, but in the long run it will end up making you feel twice as bad as you did before.

Anyway, yes, my father is a light hearted man with lots of wisdom to share. He understood my existential crisis perfectly, and explained to me that it is an extremely normal thing that any human being will go through. Just the thought that "Everyone goes through this." made me feel better, and made plenty of sense. It was such simple advice, yet it helped immensely.

My mother helped by simply loving me. She had no answers to my existential worries (nobody really has the answer to that stuff), but her motherly love for me is what helped keep me sane through the whole ordeal.

Also, video games are great fun and helped me through the rough times.









Well, you may all think I'm not making any sense or not very pleasant to listen to at all, but my DR/DP is gone. Completely. This goes out to all the people out there who have DR/DP stemming from an existential ordeal.

My story goes much deeper than this, but this is the gist of it

TL;DR: What cured my DR/DP was a craving for knowledge, appreciating the beauty of this world, talking to other people, and video games. Also, as other people have mentioned before, eating the right foods will help a lot. I take multi-vitamins and fish oil every day, and follow this fitness guide:

http://www.liamrosen.com/fitness.html

If you want to contact me, please send me a PM on here and I'll be glad to talk.

I am now 18 years old. I am an atheistic humanist. I plan to go to college for astronomy. I love the world I live in, and I am as happy as ever.

I am also sorry if I offended anyone with religious beliefs. You have the complete right to believe whatever you want, and I have nothing against you. Please don't turn my recovery thread into a religious flame war.

Thank you for reading, and best of luck.


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## 2deepathinker

I love this. It is helpful to me also to think about the glorious things in our world, and universe. I have always had an interest in astronomy, and I think it is wonderful that you will be majoring in it.

Recently, I told someone how scared I felt, and how weird it is to be human. They nodded their head, and said: yup, it is pretty darn weird, but what is so scary about it. It made me realize that I can wonder about existence, and feel that it is weird to be human, but these thoughts don't have to frighten me.

Lately, I have been more willing to say to myself: okay, existential thoughts...go ahead and be there..show me what you have got. I want to challenge them, so I don't have to be so frightened anymore.

Thanks so much for sharing! It is a beautiful recovery story that I can relate to.


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## ohwell

Why on Earth would you include James Randi with scientists, for the simple reason that he is a skeptic atheist?

I also did have a sever existential crisis too, after illness, the DP came with it. My fear was not much about the existance of a god, atheism or theism, but rather purpouse of life.

I came to the conclusion that we are free to set our own purpouse. I neither adhere to atheism, theism, agnosticism etc., I believe the world is much to complext to believe that things must either be or not, or that there is such a thing as an ultimate truth.

The world is beautiful, misterious, and it would be ignorant for any of us, to stick to simplistic concepts such as theism, atheism, agnosticism or what have you.

Oh and BTW, glad to hear the success story, particularly considering the loss of your brother.


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## Emir

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## Z-Ron

ohwell said:


> Why on Earth would you include James Randi with scientists, for the simple reason that he is a skeptic atheist?


Ah, I don't know. I guess he was just one of those people who I looked up to.

Also yes, I do agree. Labels such as "Atheist, Theist, Nihilist" etc. are unnecessary. You are who you are.


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## Z-Ron

2deepathinker said:


> Lately, I have been more willing to say to myself: okay, existential thoughts...go ahead and be there..show me what you have got. I want to challenge them, so I don't have to be so frightened anymore.


That's it! You just have to accept that they are there, rather than be frightened of them. Fearing them will only make it worse.

Existential thoughts are only scary if you choose to let them be.


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## rushdy

Hey bro,

Hope all is well! I am 22, i think i recovered from DP or at least it doesn't bother me anymore. It still feels like it lingers! the existential questions eat me up with DP episodes sometimes, but it is very much manageable. I just have this constant feeling of ignorance which i think i am getting used to it over time. I feel lost too a lot. I am wondering if DP/DR for you still lingers from time to time and if there is any end to such existential questions!


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## perd

rushdy said:


> Hey bro,
> 
> Hope all is well! I am 22, i think i recovered from DP or at least it doesn't bother me anymore. It still feels like it lingers! the existential questions eat me up with DP episodes sometimes, but it is very much manageable. I just have this constant feeling of ignorance which i think i am getting used to it over time. I feel lost too a lot. I am wondering if DP/DR for you still lingers from time to time and if there is any end to such existential questions!


you had a post that said that you recovered 100% from DP i guess that gave me false hopes


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## rushdy

perdurabo said:


> you had a post that said that you recovered 100% from DP i guess that gave me false hopes


DP is gone to a degree.. i just been having episodes for the past 4 days. Nothing compared to how it started but it could be due to the fact that i moved to a different country that is less developed. I am aware of reality and what i mean by "lingers", i meant the existential questions that comes with DP that i am not sure they will disappear. The symptoms however are gone! Keep the hope, thats all u have to be honest!


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## peanut butter

Recently read this. I think this deserves a bump. 5/5


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## sherlock

thank you so much for this recharged my hope-batteries quite a lot.


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## 59Ballons

Thats a great story! Im 15 years old and have had on-and-off anxiety, DP/DR, and Existential Crisis' since I was around the age of 10. I learned how to completely manage my anxiety and the DP and DR... however, especially this past week, I've been having CRIPPLING existential anxiety, depression, and crisis'. It all basically stems from me focusing in on "my inner self" and the more I think about what life is, how insignificant we are, how we are all going to die, and the fact that my mind was basically turning in on itself to use its own life to answer my questions, that sent me spiraling downward into intense depression and agony... to the point where I contemplated suicide and felt totally worthless. However, I have discovered my own remedy to deal with this curse... and that is Distraction. It's amazing... yesterday at this time I was at rock bottom and literally dying because of my own thoughts, and as of writing this, I have experienced a few hours of completely forgetting about my existential crisis and all of the nagging questions that go with it!

My advice to anyone who has these thoughts and symptoms: take comfort in the fact that you are absolutely not alone. Do not obsess about these thoughts because they are horrific... and thinking about them triggers MORE anxiety and spiraling. The simple act of talking to another person, singing, playing a video game, or even going to sleep is enough to start to take your mind off of it. While I know that I still have a ways to go, I am on the road to recovery and nothing can stop me, and nothing can stand in your way if you don't let it.

Free your mind from its own cripples, and distract yourself.

Best of luck to you all!


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