# This is how I fought depersonalization



## dponer (Jan 22, 2017)

Hi everyone!

Just discovered that this thing has a name and that I'm not the only one with it. I'm going to share the story of how I fought it, I hope it helps you in any way.

For me it started about 8 years ago, when I was 20. I was going through a really bad time: two cancer deaths in the close family, grandmother with alzheimer's, a severe asthmatic illness that lasted almost a year, a bad separation with my partner and an unwanted daughter (can't love her more today).

I still can't describe my first sympton. The feeling was like if my head was slower than my body. If I turned around quickly, my head took longer to turn around. If I looked up from the cell phone to the TV, my head was behind me. Even when I was walking down the street. I wasn't out of my mind, my mind was outside me.

You all know the following sypmtoms. I slowly began not to recognize the most everyday things. Touching things wasn't the same as always nor talking to people or even the reading the simplest stuff. The worst thing was this terrifying feeling that nothing was like before but not knowing how it was before. This thing accelerated or stopped my reality without me being able to do anything, 'micro-cuts' I started to call them. On several occasions the impact was so huge that I fainted.

I could hardly talk to anyone, I spent the days just wanting to recover my old me.

The first time I went to the doctor I was diagnosed with anxiety and they prescribed me bromazepan. I must say that this helped at first with many symptoms. But the depersonalization continued, my head was still going slower than my body. Sound hallucinations did not help either, even though they are great memes among my friends today. During the following year they increased the dose, added new pills but my symptoms grew day by day. I can't remember the times I cried wishing to be myself again.

By the time I realized I was taking four pills a day just to be able to live in a normal way. I spent a lot of time living like this, my nervous system was so screwed.

I'm not sure why but one day I just threw all the pills (liying, not all) and started to do the following thing: every time I had a panic attack I took the bike and went crazy screaming and pedaling until falling exhausted, every time I noticed that something was not as it had always been I throw myself on the floor and started doing pushups until I got literally ripped my muscle fibers.

If I had to summarize I would say that exercise to physical pain was what got me out of that other person who was not me. Again, this is just what I did, not a medical opinion.

Nowadays I've been happily living without serious symptoms for the last 5 years, however I must say that it is not completely gone. There is this symptom I still have: when I wear sunglasses I feel like If my brain were slowly folding to my nose, I have never dared to carry this sensation very far, I just take them off. The other symtoms, well, they just come from time to time to say hello. Actually, just remembering all this things makes me have mini weird sensations in my hands... I'm going to do some push-ups!


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

What meds were/are you still on when you recovered? Also, how long after you started exercising did you recover, and how often did you exercise? Thanks in advance..


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Hoping not to sound rude, but I think you still need help but something tailored for DP/DR. Proper therapy, maybe discussion of the right medication, if that is helpful etc....


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