# I am wondering if anyone has had a similar experience?



## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Hello, 
I am rather new to this forum, and to this support board, so please bare with me. It is hard to put words to my starnge experiences and sensations. I hope you are well. My symptoms become worse about a month ago. I have been diagnosed with panic disorder only from February of this year onward. I started having panic attacks then. I have always been anxious even as a child. My anxiety hit it's worst point in my life when I was 11, 22, and interestingly enough I am 33 now.

With my anxiety, I sometimes would get a feeling like I wasn't really here. That sensation alone would bring on a panic attack.

Most recently, I have had so many disturbing thoughts. I want to share some of them here since I don't know what else to do. Lately, I have become really obsessed with how strange it is to be human, and to exist. I start to wonder what existence is, and why are bodies are the way they are. For example, that we have two legs, etc. I wonder who or what created us, and why. I have never felt this way in all of my 33 years and it is really starting to freak me out. I feel like I am so far off in the universe.

I also have felt really obsessed with language. I wonder why and how we have created our language, and why we picked certain words to mean certain things.

Since I know depersonalization is part of dissociation, I have read about amnesia and dissociative identity disorder. I get afraid that I will wake up one morning and not know who I am at all or who the people are around me.

Can anyone else relate? Is this just part of anxiety or am I starting to crack?

Thank you in advance for any tidbits of your experiences...


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I relate. It's supposedly anxiety, but in my opinion, there is no need for labels. It is what it is and you'll get through it if you try not to be afraid, and give yourself time. You are not losing it. There is no such thing. Try and get someone to talk to, it helps.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Thank you York! I think you are right, labeling is not the important thing. I do know when I recognize it can be a symptom of the anxiety, it helps me realize I am not going crazy.


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## bunnylivingston (Oct 4, 2009)

2deepathinker, everything you wrote is exactly what I think about all the time. I look at people and wonder how we are just walking and talking bags of meat. How strange! Then I wonder why nobody else is as puzzled as I am about this...why don't other people talk about this all the time. I think about what created reality, what was the first material substance and how all of this came to be. Sometimes I think that I am becoming a conspiracy theorist when my ideas become too wild...because I entertain the ideas of aliens and such as a possibilty...but now I just try and tell myself that I am probably more normal than most because I am a curious person. It troubles me that there are so few of us that will admit to thinking this way. Another thing that drives me crazy is thinking about how we all live on a big ball flying through space. I know that I think too much about these kinds of things but it has never been a big problem until now. I just try to accept that I have a philosopher's mind and move on as normally as I can with these ideas in the back of my head.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Hi Bunnylivingston, I can so relate. I am so grateful for this forum!! I, too, think about life on other planets and how strange it is that we live on a globe that circles through space. I was talking to a friend of mine who is into spirituality and said these thoughts are good and normal. Perhaps...but the part that this friend doesn't get is that my brain latches onto these thoughts and doesn't let go. All I want is some peace of mind. When I have these episodes of such strange thoughts, I feel very uneasy. I think about where the universe ends, etc...so forth and so on! Thanks for sharing your experience with me.


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## dragonhat (Oct 5, 2009)

2deepathinker, I'm with you and Bunnylivingston.

I have thoughts like yours all the time.

One that also trips me up, is "why am I me, and not someone else?". I mean what are the chances that my consciousness should have ever existed? Would it not have existed had a different sperm made it to the egg when I was conceived? Am I a cosmic fluke? Could I have been born to a different couple and still retain the basic groundwork of my personality? Obviously my personality would be different because I would have had a different life experience, but would the basics be the same? How is my consciousness even contained in my body? Is all I really am just a network of gray matter shooting little pulses back and forth?


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## lucy76 (Oct 10, 2009)

I have just found this website and can't believe what I'm reading, I totally relate to everything you all say. I honestly thought I was the only one, I didn't know what was wrong with me and haven't been able to explain it to anyone. I've had this for a long time and lately its getting worse. I find it hard in any social situation even work lately and just want to be at home or with people I know although sometimes even the people I know seem completely alien and I feel like I'm invisible.

I was abused as a child and went on to use drugs for a number of years but haven't used for over 10 years now. I keep meaning to make an appointment at the doctors but what do I say??? I don't know that I'm even depressed, it seems deeper than that, helpless and inevitable. I don't feel like anything can help me and to be honest I just don't have the motivation/energy to do anything about it. I'm frozen in this vicious circle.

I even sometimes get these feelings in my sleep and wake up my heart racing, its the worst feeling i've ever had and I've never been able to tell anyone.

Does anyone know if medication helps i.e. antidepressents?

It really has helped just knowing that I am not the only one :shock:


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## dragonhat (Oct 5, 2009)

Antidepressants have not been shown to help DP/DR.

In one study it showed a slight improvement, but subsequent studies showed them to be no more effective than placebos.

What helps some people with DP/DR is something like Ativan, especially if your DP/DR causes you anxiety.

There is currently no known treatment, but send Tommygunz a message asking about his choline, inositol, sublingual b-complex method. It worked for him, and its helping me too. He did it for a couple weeks and it cleared up his DP, I've only been on it for 4 days but I am feeling significantly better than I have in 8 years.


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## DpSuprakid (Jun 14, 2008)

"With my anxiety, I sometimes would get a feeling like I wasn't really here. That sensation alone would bring on a panic attack. "

I feel the exact same way. I never had panic attacks until things didn't seem real, when I couldn't remember how I got somewhere, that's what triggered my panic attacks. When things look extremely far away, or small, or not really there, is when I have a panic attack. I'm on clonazepam (Kolonopin) and it helps with the panic attacks, but not the anxiety and dp/dr.

Peace
Matt


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Wow, I am really excited about all of the replies. I suffer from panic, but the dp is worse. I, too, can relate that the not feeling real along with having strange thoughts is an awful feeling. I have it so often to varying degrees. I started to read the book: Feeling Unreal, and it seemed like more general textbook stuff to me at least. I agree that it can be a frightening feeling to all at once not remember how you got somewhere. I feel sometimes like I have to pinch myself to get myself back into my body. Thank you all for your posts. I can definitely relate.


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