# Feeling SO much better. Here's what worked for me.



## spudgirl (Sep 29, 2012)

Hey all - I developed a really bad case of DP/DR back in August as a result of an underlying anxiety disorder and taking ecstasy/weed. I was pretty much suicidal because my existential thought loops just wouldn't stop. It was incredibly scary and I thought I would never get out of it, but I've made leaps and bounds in recovery. I feel real, my loved ones feel real, and I feel like a part of the universe rather than completely separate from it. I'm no longer overanalyzing these things - my brain just accepts them to be true as it always did before. I'm not out of the woods yet, I still have moments of sublime terror, but compared to where I was it's amazing. This forum really helped me out when I was at my lowest so I wanted to come back and offer some advice and encouragement. I know everyone's journey is different and this may be more beneficial for people who have had the disorder for a shorter period of time.

It seems that everyone who recovers from DP says that *DISTRACTION* is the key. When you're in the thick of it, it just seems like it can't possibly work, but it's true. There is no way you can think your way out of DP, you just have to try your damned hardest to focus on something other than it. It'll seem nearly impossible at first, but eventually your brain will get used to the normal way of things again. This has been my experience.

I quit my job. I had a horrible boss and the position was extremely stressful, so I believe I detached even further as a way of shielding myself from it. While it sucked to lose my first job out of college, when I quit I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and my symptoms lessened considerably. It might help you to identify some of your external stressors and work on eliminating them.

I went on medication. Lexapro 30mg and Xanax .5mg once a day. This didn't fix me, but it made my anxiety bearable enough for me to work on my issues. I know benzos are advised against, but I honestly don't know where I'd be if I didn't have Xanax. I actually had my first Xanax free day yesterday, which was a great feeling.

No matter how weird I felt, I forced myself to get out of the house and engage myself in things I used to love. At first it felt like I was just going through the motions, but as time went on it felt more and more natural. At the same time, I didn't force myself to engage in anything too stressful. Watching a movie with my mom was often preferable to going to a huge party (something I would have found stressful even when I was feeling myself).

Long conversations with my friends and family - I especially struggle with derealization and solipsism, the idea that nothing outside of me is real. Talking to my loved ones about everything and anything helped me realize that no, I am not alone in this world, I'm part of humanity and there are people out there who love and value me, as I do them. Don't isolate yourself.

I stopped obsessively googling my symptoms. Like I said, there's no way for you to think your way out of this, and every time you remind yourself of your condition, you throw yourself back into it. It was helpful at first to know that other people have experienced what I've been going through - but there's diminishing returns after a while. Trust me, every weird symptom you've had, no matter how bizarre, someone else has experienced it too, and chances are they've recovered from it. Take that to heart and get the hell off the internet and go outside!

I started planning a road trip to NOLA with my boyfriend, which is something we always loved to do. Giving myself something positive to think about and look forward to really helped me feel present and engaged.

Finally, I threw myself wholeheartedly into some of my old obsessions with certain TV shows and bands. And now I've found that instead of thinking about the unanswerable questions of the universe, my brain kind of just wants to think about music and television. Like, seriously, sometimes my anxiety will pipe up and say "Shouldn't you be working yourself into a funk over the meaning of life right now?" and I'll say "Nah, I kind of just want to watch more Netflix." God, that's a great feeling.

Anyway, I hope that helps someone. It's been good to let it all out. I really feel for you all and I hope you are all able to reach some peace. Feel free to PM me with any questions or if you need any support.


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## Guest (Nov 3, 2012)

Ha, the thing about tv and music I can really relate to right now, and its funny isn't it?! Choose to focus on our simple pleasures over unthinkable questions, and I can almost totally forget that I was ever struggling. When DP becomes a tiny voice, everything else, that wonderful world outside our minds, seems suddenly a whole lot louder.

Glad you're feeling better!


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## spudgirl (Sep 29, 2012)

Haha yes! For a long time I thought pondering the meaning of existence and delving deep into, I dunno, Buddhism or whatever would show me the path out of this. But no. My salvation came in the form of the last series of The Thick of It.

I also live on the east coast of the US, and we got hit by Hurricane Sandy earlier this week. While there was no real damage done to my area, we did get a lot of wind and rain. During the worst of it, I opened my window and looked out onto my street and imagined the storm sweeping away all the bullshit I've dealt with for the past couple of months. And I'd be damned if it wasn't a healing moment for me.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

hey spudgirl... appreciate ur posts... i think we spoke on a different topic or u responded to one of my posts.... right now i am utterly petrified.... im scared of my existence and of being alive... its like i dont think anything should exist.... ive been crying with my mam all day.. its awful... hell actually....
i have had 3 years of this. but over the last year ive just been having it in blips.... setbacks here and there... usually starts out as anxiety/sadness and then manifests itself into this when things get too painful.... right now i am mentally exhausted from all the crying... can u tell me some of the thoughts that u had or have.? about existential thoughts. it feels like a curse to be here and alive and stuck in my mind at the moment and its like when im bad i forget how its possible to feel okay again.... if u read my topic ''confusion please read'' u will see more of how i feel there.... its utterly terrifying to be human at the moment... its like i cannot believe i am here... i obsesss about how my body and mind work... i try distract myself but sometimes it gets so bad that i cannot work. i have to ring in sick... i cry and cry and have mini panic attacks... any help or even relating to me would be amazing.


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## Fernoso716 (Oct 13, 2012)

Katiej I been going thru the same thoughts...(why was I born in 1983. Why not in the 1600s. Where am I at inside my body.....all I am is a thought proccess? Let me tell u when u let ur thoughts get to that level it's crippling. I don't know why it won't go away but I could be sitting n a restaurant and the thoughts just pop up. But I'm no longer afraid of it. Every time I question my existence I say "well if I didn't exist..how can I question it?" I think dp wouldn't be as crippling if we didn't question existence. Try and stay busy....if your into religion..science..etc....find your comfort zone and familiar yourself with it. Because before dp you probably was living with the knowledge of your beliefs . I feel better even when I journal my day. I hope all of us can leave these thoughts in a place where they can never be recovered again. Good luck and remember. The simple fact u just read my whole ramble should let u know u EXIST


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

ya see the thing is... i know i exist... i jsut dunno why.. or maybe i do not want to because i am in pain emotionally and i am scared,,,, ....... when i settle with one thought, another jsut crops up.... i really dont know what to do.... im crying all day... clearly theres shit i need to get out of my system ...


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## DP boy (Mar 20, 2012)

were all for here for a purpose


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## DP boy (Mar 20, 2012)

but many many people have lost track of it and died meaningless deaths


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## AussiePheonix (Dec 5, 2012)

So SpudGirl, had your DPDR actually gone or have you just accepted it?


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