# my story and recovery



## dsfkjgfdskjsg (Oct 12, 2010)

my depersonalization and derealization started about 17 months ago when i was 15. i have sffered from severe obessive compulsive disorder since i was 11, which i believe had an effect on ther onset of this. my dp began from smoking weed, like many other people. when it first happened i honestly just thought that my weed had been laced with something, since i had been smoking for a fw years with no problems. i realised a few days later when i smoked again that the weed wasnt the problem, it was me. 
this is when the dp became constant as well. all of you already know how it feels so i wont go in to too much detail on that, but it was basically the most terrifying and upsetting feeling i have ever had by far. when i began to research my symptoms i came across this site, and all i found was people saying how they have had it for years and that it will never go away. i have never felt more horrible in my life, thinking that i would have to live my life like this just because i smoked some weed. i was so regretful it was intollerable. i knew that i could never touch weed again, and i was fine with that. throughout the summer i continued to drink, but that eventually started triggering anxiety attacks as well. i decided to experiment with other drugs, and began using ecstasy. when i was on it, all of my symptoms left. i thought i had really found something amazing. i now know that was completely ridiculous, cause as soon as i would come off it i would feel ten times worse, and also began getting paranoid. i would think things like "what if this actually isnt real" and thought i was on the verge of going completely insane. 
when school started the symptoms got worse and worse, and i had still not told my mom that anything at all was going on. having to force a smile and pretend like you were all there and convincing people that i was okay was one of the worst parts. finally in november i couldnt take dealing with it anymore. i had stopped using all drugs in october hoping that it would go away by itself, but i knew i needed help.
it had been 6 months of living in absolte hell and i was so sick of it. i made a doctors appointment and finally broke down and told my mom everything, and she was so supportive i wish i had told her earlier. through going to the doctor i started seeing a child psychologist, who had told me that she had 2 previous patients with the exact same story as me. all the same symptoms, both triggered by using marijuana. she told me that she had put them on a medication called Cipralex (ecsitalopram)and it had helped with all of their symptoms. so i began using the medication in december, ten months ago. it has been a slow process but i could tell after about 2 or 3 weeks that it was starting to help. since starting the medication i have not had a single anxiety attack, which were happening almost daily before. my dp symptoms are now almost completely gone. i still once and a while have days where i feel just a little off, but i know that its in my head and it quickly goes away when i tell myself that. 
the point of me telling this story is because i dont want anyone to have to feel like there is no hope. for me personally, this medication has helped me so much with a combination of just thinking positive and looking forward to my future. i feel like i have been to hell. i really have learned from this that i need to appreciate my life, because life is alot more fragile than people seem to think. i admit i still deal with the feelings of wanting to do drugs now and again, but there is no way i will give up feeling better finally. i think that everyone can overcome this. there is something out there that will work for you. so anyone reading this who feels like giving up, dont. you arent alone in this. if anyone in here needs someone to talk to about anything at all, i would love to help you. all i wanted was someone i could relate to about this, and now i really want to help anyone suffering get through it.


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## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

Ive been having small glimpses of reality, I hope im on my way too.


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## Nihil Dexter (Sep 9, 2010)

Good post.
I started Cipralex today and i must admit, i felt better almost immediately. My DR seemed way better than before.
I decided to give it a fair chance and I will stay on it no matter how bad I feel. This medication seem to help a lot
of people with anxiety and DP/DR. Hope you'll make a full recovery soon.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Really glad to hear that you are recovering! That is wonderful.


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## savana (Nov 17, 2010)

beautifal post, loll. im so happy to hear your better! this sounds amazing. Im 13 and told my mother but she didnt believe me, and just laughed and bitched about how i obesses over things and that its all in my mind. i plan on seeing a therapist on my own though because im really starting to think about suicide and all that shit. I wish it could all be over like it is for you, but it takes one day at a time. 
thank you for sharing


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