# Too Sane?



## DreamLife (Sep 16, 2007)

I have no idea how long I have had DP. It feels like I must have had it my whole life, because I absolutely cannot remember a time when I didn't feel like this, like I was detached from this "reality." I assumed that everyone felt this way. I assumed that everyone felt like they were about to go insane at any moment. I assumed that everyone questioned their own existence and questioned why, why, why all day, every day.

I don't think my DP was drug-induced, but I think drugs probably affected it negatively. And I wonder to myself, why does this happen to some people and not others?

It's the strangest "disorder." When I found out about it, I kept thinking, this cannot be real. This sounds crazy. It's easier for me to believe that I am bipolar (which I am intelligent enough to know that I am not, even though I've been diagnosed...I do not trust doctors! But I don't think I trust people either. Who of you knows exactly what I've gone through? Maybe no one can relate, maybe you just think you can).

I've been on medication for bipolar disorder for about 6 months, and all it's done is cause me to have even less emotions than I did before. I haven't cried in a year, I haven't been excited about anything, all I've been is angry. I have a lot of rage at times, and I have no idea where it comes from. But it makes me feel even more crazy, I know that.

I think I've resigned myself to the fact that this is my life. Finding out about DP didn't come as a relief to me at all. It actually made me feel worse, because I know that very few people on this planet can understand what it feels like, and even fewer will actually be able to help me. I'm not complaining...three days ago I didn't even know about this thing. And now I'm thinking, what if I don't really have it? What if I just convinced myself that I do? Maybe that's just the nature of DP.

I know that I do want to feel connected to this world. I have a husband and a young son, and they have no freaking clue what goes on inside of me. Sometimes I think I've become too good at putting on a front for others. No one knows how absolutely crazy I am inside my mind, and if I told anyone that I think I have this, they'd be shocked. Isn't that weird? Probably one of the few disorders that is so easily hidden but causes such deep misery.

*I read somewhere that DP is actually the opposite of being insane. We're actually too sane. That's a tough reality to face. We're so aware of our own minds that we're actually too sane. I think I'd rather be insane.*


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## hippy123 (Aug 31, 2007)

DP is a very hard condition to have, unlike you I have only had DP for about a year so I knew that things had changed i.e. reality somehow became unreal. I never thought of those who had DP to bee too sane, I can understand what you mean though because we seem to know our minds too well. Someone on here said that maybe we have become enlightened and have a higher awarness but DP has made me feel less aware and more robotic. Its a good thing you found this site because at least we have a place to call our own now where we can share our thoughts on this weird sensation.


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