# My first taste or normality



## Lukeyd (May 1, 2011)

Hey guys,

Last night I tried something suggested here http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27199-how-i-healed-my-self/ specifically the music meditation. Basically, i downloaded some non-vocal music (explosions in the sky) and just put on my headphones and laid down. I tried something a little different this time. Instead of getting lost in a depersonalized brainfog like I usually do when i listen to music, i tried to REALLY listen to everything. Now when i say really listen, i mean REALLY listen. I don't mean just drifting off into deep existential nonsensical thought to a soundtrack, i mean i would truly focus on the instruments playing. Both specific instruments and as a whole piece.

When i did this, i would occasionally feel an emotion, or a thought, or a memory or SOMETHING that the music would ignite. When this happened i did the opposite of what i normally do (which is let it pass by or lose grip of it). I instead would go back to it and try to fully feel it. Even though it felt like it was slipping away, i would pull it back into my consciousness and really feel it as a whole.

i'll try to give you an example of what happened:

At one point during this session i randomly thought about this girl i once liked (before i had DP). Now, this thought was only there for a microsecond and then it was pushed away automatically. I thought to myself "maybe there is a reason i am thinking about her". So i pulled the thought back into my consciousness and just started thinking about this girl in full detail. I thought about our first meeting, what she looked like, how i felt when i would talk to her, how i felt when she turned me down (lol) and in general, everything i could feel about this girl and my experience with her. To my motherfucking surprise, i could actually really tune in to all those feelings. I COULD remember a LOT more than i thought i did, and for that moment i felt surprisingly more like myself.

I continued this process (with other songs, thoughts and emotions) for about another hour and then went to bed.

Today i have felt more myself than i have in a year. I have gone back to almost-reality and then back and forth to DP all day, but have had striking moments of realization. I have no idea what this means, but i'm going to continue this every night and try to get myself back fully.

maybe something to try?

i suggest *The moon is down - Explosions in the sky*


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## The Bishop (May 2, 2011)

Wow. I'm really glad to hear that, man. And I'm going to try that as soon as possible.
As a matter of fact, I have been thinking about the applying the exact same strategy against DP/DR for a few days now, and your post just corroborates it's effectiveness.


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## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

I'm really into musical meditation. Suggest you try and relaxing to one of Pink Floyd's concept albums or just let this  chillout radio station give you the music to listen to.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

Lukeyd said:


> Today i have felt more myself than i have in a year. I have gone back to almost-reality and then back and forth to DP all day, but have had striking moments of realization. I have no idea what this means, but i'm going to continue this every night and try to get myself back fully.


wow bro, good work!! glad to see that meditation helped you out. after you start getting good at this music meditation, and start going deep into your feelings, you can try some other techniques i wrote about.. the evil-feminine one is very good. its in one of my threads. DP Morality and Sexuality i think. let me know how you re improving, things like this make me really happy.

Re-connecting to your memories is key for recovery. There is a lot of un-processed emotions down there, you have to dive in and learn how to surf through the melancholy/grief, and once you vent them you can get to the feelings of love that lie behind them.

also you can try the other two meditations from this thread 
http://www.dpselfhel...ut/#entry229133

let me know how it goes!

love
Abraxas


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## Lukeyd (May 1, 2011)

Abraxas said:


> also you can try the other two meditations from this thread
> http://www.dpselfhel...ut/#entry229133


i'll do that









thanks again Abraxas, you are a god!


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

I'm really happy for you! That's great. I may try that, too. Listening to music has been helping me with emotions in the last year or so--I can actually cry, and feel, I think, some of that hurt penetrating the numb that's been there since the dp/dr started. I tried meditation for a few weeks, up until maybe a couple of weeks ago, and it didn't take away my rumination, but helped me to realize, as always, that I'm not my thoughts, which is something that I need to be reminded about a lot with dp/dr.


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