# why



## Aly (Jun 13, 2016)

Why do I even deal with this disorder that has taken over my life in every way possible? I can't go to school or keep a job. I can't focus, think, or remember, and I can't do anything right. I can barely form sentences and I'm always stumbling over my words. It makes no sense as to why I'm dealing with this. My anxiety and depression are under control, so I have no clue why this is happening anymore. I almost lost my job today because the register was short on multiple occasions due to the stupid mistakes that I make everyday. I'm a cashier at Walmart for fucks sake and I can't even do that right.


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## Newchie97 (Sep 11, 2016)

I saw a post from you recently saying u were doing much better? Did u relapse? Im sorry to hear you're struggling right now.


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## Aly (Jun 13, 2016)

Newchie97 said:


> I saw a post from you recently saying u were doing much better? Did u relapse? Im sorry to hear you're struggling right now.


I did. Not really sure what happened.


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## Newchie97 (Sep 11, 2016)

Well recovery is up and down. Remind urself that u felt good enough to post a topic saying u were cured, thats how good u felt, u can get there again.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

In my experience, once your on top of the anxiety etc the DP/DR will hang around for some time. You just have to keep on keeping on, its all to easy to relapse back into thinking why is this happening to me, and getting depressed and anxious about it all over again. It will eventually start to dissipate in the background when you dont even notice. Pretend like everything's all ok, and eventually it will be. Probably the worst possible advice for any other medical issue, but it works for DP


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Yeah I hate how much this condition impacts even my most basic functioning. I been driving for Uber again recently which is probably the easiest job in the world but even that I find difficult now. I almost crashed the other day, despite never being in an accident in 15+ years of driving, and for a minute I even forgot how to drive at all. I was sat there like, wait, and this pedal does what again? It's just the worst.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

sorry to hear that Chicane. i don't want to say "be careful", because that might sound patronising, but i just hope it goes smooth on the roads.

im in the same boat mate, i was fllllyyyyyyyyyinnng three years ago. my old lecturer's thought that i would be a university professor for god's sake! now i can barely do simple tasks and remember stuff.

if anybody wants support or ever to chat, then please feel free to message me. and i am always open for a skype conversation.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

it makes me happy to see all this support and positivity. Aly, are you seeing a therapist of any sort? I know it can be expensive, but sometimes talking through what bothers us is a good way to find where it's coming from, and therapists are trained how to do that. or if you like, you can talk to me, or any of the others who just offered you help. I'm no professional, but I do like to think I kind of know how to do the basics, plus I only charge zero dollars, haha 

yesterday sucked. it happens. that is no guarantee that every day will suck.


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## Aly (Jun 13, 2016)

It's just the fact that I'm very close to losing my job if I don't "focus more". The manager is making me receive more training; I already know how to do everything, so I don't know how that is going to help. I'm just very forgetful and am unable to focus. They told me I am making them lose money because my register has been significantly short on 5 different occasions. They said that if I don't "focus more", then I should go into a different department that doesn't involve me handling cash, but I don't know what else to do; I can't stock because I'm rly frail and can't lift up boxes of shit. Maybe the bakery? I don't know. I just feel like such a failure. I can't even handle being a cashier at Walmart for fucks sake. It sounds stupid, but my dad is rly proud of me, so I haven't told him about any of this. I don't want to go on disability because I actually want to work..but i can't do anything right


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

yeah i'm like this too. i don't do anything right. it just doesn't work out.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

maybe you should talk to your dad. would he think less of you (mine would but my dad has genuine anger problems and is a bit of w***** in general). you have a mental health problem, its nothing to be ashamed of!!


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

you're not a failure. you're struggling, and it's okay to struggle, it doesn't reduce your worth at all. I don't know you well enough to tell you what your talents are, but I guarantee there's something. if you want to work, you'll find a way to keep working, even if you're forced to move to a different department. I believe in you 

I also agree with hedgehog fuzz that, if your dad generally tries to be understanding with you, it may be worth your time to talk to him about what's going on. I imagine it'd be pretty great to have his support in all this, wouldn't it?


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## Aly (Jun 13, 2016)

I felt better yesterday and today. I still have a blank mind and am a little spaced out and my memory is still terrible but I'm doing a little better. I just don't know when this is going to go away.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

unfortunately, no one can tell you when it will go away, but that doesn't really mean anything. and I'm glad you're feeling a little better. you'll get there. it takes time, and it sucks, but you'll get there.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

No you don't want to do that. Can you link the san pedro thing please anyway. We are in this together.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

sorry, i mean, why would you want to make it worse or risk it? i can understand that the san pedro thing might be a solution, but it is a bit risky is it not? i mean, who actually knows...

another person who got the blank mind after overthinking and trauma...perhaps it is some kind of extreme defence mechanism. what do you think? the i suppose the bit question is, how do we get it back? how are you coping with it anyways?


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

NZRecovery said:


> why do i not want to do that as well as you know this shit is debillitating when you have had to fight so long and its returned far worse than before. When you have to hold on to a mere fiber of a string eventually it will snap right. Search San Pedro cactus it contains the potent phychedalic mescaline with various alkaloids.


Don't take that, seriously. Psychedelic's are not what you need, I mean unless you can find a shred of evidence it helps a blank mind, but i really doubt it and you really are playing with fire. The potential to have a bad trip while having DP is high. There are many options, some you might have not explored. Blank mind also happens in forms of depression.

I suggest trying a Dopamine agent. Mirtazapine worked for me at the time... I've read many Lamotrigine stories curing blank mind also, there are loads on this forum. Also read a cases of Modafinil + SSRI or ADHD drugs like Ritalin. Mostly seems the dopamine ones, which if you research into why your mind talks to you, you will discover it is a dopamine 'loop'. Ie dopamine going from the centre of the brain to the frontal cortex and back, hence a thought. Hope you try these 4 things before you consider the cactus. Only writing this to save you from yourself.

As for OP i sympathise with you. I daily am having the same struggles, doing stuff that would come easy isn't coming at all sometimes, even the simple things like remembering what my friends kids are called. Ride the storm my friend, things will get better


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

CK1 said:


> Don't take that, seriously. Psychedelic's are not what you need, I mean unless you can find a shred of evidence it helps a blank mind, but i really doubt it and you really are playing with fire. The potential to have a bad trip while having DP is high. There are many options, some you might have not explored. Blank mind also happens in forms of depression.
> 
> I suggest trying a Dopamine agent. Mirtazapine worked for me at the time... I've read many Lamotrigine stories curing blank mind also, there are loads on this forum. Also read a cases of Modafinil + SSRI or ADHD drugs like Ritalin. Mostly seems the dopamine ones, which if you research into why your mind talks to you, you will discover it is a dopamine 'loop'. Ie dopamine going from the centre of the brain to the frontal cortex and back, hence a thought. Hope you try these 4 things before you consider the cactus. Only writing this to save you from yourself.
> 
> As for OP i sympathise with you. I daily am having the same struggles, doing stuff that would come easy isn't coming at all sometimes, even the simple things like remember what my friends kids are called. Ride the storm my friend, things will get better


I agree. Psychedelic's is probably the single WORST thing you could possibly do..


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Yeah, that would be like fighting fire with more fire instead of water. You should ideally always be looking for ways to naturally soothe your mind, replenish depleted chemicals, and restore balance to the rest of the brain. Exactly how that's done is up for debate, and involves a lot of trial, error and research (and will vary from person to person). But you can't possibly hope to achieve that if you're trying to counteract a psychedelic experience (DP) with something that actually induces a true psychedelic effect. I just want you (and everyone else on here) to at the very least stay safe when it comes to experimentation.

But yeah, people do seem to confuse blank mind with brain fog quite often, I've noticed that too. To me, brain fog = cognitive impairment (bad memory, poor concentration and focus, zoning out), whereas blank mind is more like the absence of any sort of thought process, often coupled with limited feeling and emotions. Still, that's not to say there can't be some overlap between the two. They do appear to be related, at least with regards to the DP experience.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Chicane said:


> Yeah, that would be like fighting fire with more fire instead of water. You should ideally always be looking for ways to naturally soothe your mind, replenish depleted chemicals, and restore balance to the rest of the brain. Exactly how that's done is up for debate, and involves a lot of trial, error and research (and will vary from person to person). But you can't possibly hope to achieve that if you're trying to counteract a psychedelic experience (DP) with something that actually induces a true psychedelic effect. I just want you (and everyone else on here) to at the very least stay safe when it comes to experimentation.
> 
> But yeah, people do seem to confuse blank mind with brain fog quite often, I've noticed that too. To me, brain fog = cognitive impairment (bad memory, poor concentration and focus, zoning out), whereas blank mind is more like the absence of any sort of thought process, often coupled with limited feeling and emotions. Still, that's not to say there can't be some overlap between the two. They do appear to be related, at least with regards to the DP experience.


100% agree with everything you said.

Psychedelic's = Fire you are looking for Water. They couldn't be further from the soothing scale.

To me a blank mind is what you say, nothing. In my experience the more emotion I got from Mirtazapine the more the blank mind disappeared, hence why many experts think it's a deep state of depression, i.e. lack of chemicals. How you get out, will vary. Advice on this site is usually what works for each person, it's trial and error using guidance from people who have gone before.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I like the idea of the blank mind being an extremely intense state of depression and probably heaps of anxiety in there as well.

I took ibogaine which may have been a citrnbuting factor or solely caused it. There are a few reports of ibogaine making people's mind go blank. What a shame, because it is potentially, an extremely useful chemical for treating addictions.

My intelligence seems nil: perhaps that is because a lack of the right brain chemicals. How do we ever get it back, and how do we convince psychiatrist's to prescribe the right medication for it. Actually on that point, does anybody know what psychiatrists say about the blank mind? I know that the DP Unit recognise it as a common symptoms of DP, which is a fucking start at least, but some official verdict would be good!

What did Dr ken Gillman say when you spoke to him? What happened to that?


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