# How can you fight if you aren't there?



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I can't feel ANYTHING. I don't ever get tired or sleepy, I can't feel my environment or the ppl in it. There is no human presence in me or near me. Is this how you all "feel"????

The only thing I can "think" is I want to be done. I never ever thought there would be something so bad that it would kill me.

How do you fight when you aren't there?


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

This guy I corresponded with recovered from blank mind dp. He basically just went through the motions until one day he recovered.

So I guess we just need to go through the motions and hope one day we recover/get better.

He specifically did yoga, body scan meditation, energy healing, and participating in activities he enjoyed until one year later, he recovered.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

dreamedm said:


> This guy I corresponded with recovered from blank mind dp. He basically just went through the motions until one day he recovered.
> 
> So I guess we just need to go through the motions and hope one day we recover/get better.
> 
> He specifically did yoga, body scan meditation, energy healing, and participating in activities he enjoyed until one year later, he recovered.


Ummmm I have been going through motions for two long years. No help.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

That sucks, and I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm really not sure what else to say though, as I'm in the same predicament. Some people have this for longer than 2 years but they still recover, eventually. Who knows how long it can take? As tough as it is (and I know how tough it is) I think we just need to keep going, trying to do the best we can and hope we recover some day soon. What other choice do we have? As long as we're alive, there's a chance that we may recover.

Btw, you may want to possibly look into NSI-189 (I just ordered some myself). It's a novel antidepressant that supposedly regrows the hippocampus. It seems to have helped some treatment-resistant depressed people recover and/or get their emotions back, etc. I don't know if it'll help with blank mind dp, but supposedly it has little to no side effects and has been helping people.

There's also this account I've read:

"For 3 years I had been struggling with anhedonia and a detachment from my emotions. there was a phase in my life where I experimented with drugs and I abused MDMA. After my drug abuse I felt like I had permanently damaged a part of my brain because I didn't feel like myself anymore. I lost just about all of my motivation, my thoughts would be scattered and disconnected, I couldn't ever commit or finish anything, my short term memory was non existent, and I no longer enjoyed doing much of anything. NSI-189 has seemed to reverse the damage. I'm incredibly happy because I feel like I've reconnected with my old self and I have my passion and drive back. It took a couple days to get the dosage right however. If I took anything over 20 mg I would have extreme anxiety. I've also been taking Memantine and Coluracetam alongside NSI-189."


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

dreamedm said:


> That sucks, and I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm really not sure what else to say though, as I'm in the same predicament. Some people have this for longer than 2 years but they still recover, eventually. Who knows how long it can take? As tough as it is (and I know how tough it is) I think we just need to keep going, trying to do the best we can and hope we recover some day soon. What other choice do we have? As long as we're alive, there's a chance that we may recover.
> 
> Btw, you may want to possibly look into NSI-189 (I just ordered some myself). It's a novel antidepressant that supposedly regrows the hippocampus. It seems to have helped some treatment-resistant depressed people recover and/or get their emotions back, etc. I don't know if it'll help with blank mind dp, but supposedly it has little to no side effects and has been helping people.
> 
> ...


It's more then not experiencing emotions, I don't experience my body or self at all. Most days feels like I am suffocating. It's like my own body is choking me. There is no one controlling my body I can barely get myself to the bathroom. I don't know who is typing this.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering so much, I also feel like I have no "self." Blank mind DP is truly hell on earth. You mentioned somewhere that you work, exercise and have a healthy diet, right? Are you currently on meds? Do you think the meds may have gotten in the way of recovery? Anyway, you may want to look into NSI-189. If it works for me, I will be sure to post about it.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

dreamedm said:


> I'm sorry to hear you're suffering so much, I also feel like I have no "self." Blank mind DP is truly hell on earth. You mentioned somewhere that you work, exercise and have a healthy diet, right? Are you currently on meds? Do you think the meds may have gotten in the way of recovery? Anyway, you may want to look into NSI-189. If it works for me, I will be sure to post about it.


Yeah I do all that. And I take Prozac and lamictal. I have absolutely no awareness of time passing or that I am in my life. It doesn't even feel like a life


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

Sadly, I can relate. Do you think the Prozac may be dulling your emotions and/or not helping? Have you spoken to your psychiatrist about all this?


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## EmmaBo (Aug 31, 2016)

Hi Coffee and Dreamed

You commented on another post I made but I thought I would reply here, as you are both on this thread and I desperately want to help you both.

Dreamed, you asked if I had the blank mind per se, and - while DP for me is an emotionless, soulless, anhedonic experience - I think I have been more afflicted by excessive rumination and cyclical, intrusive thoughts. It's still DP though, just my own tailor-made version of it. We all have a different cluster of symptoms, but that's not to say that one is better/worse or more/less recoverable from. If you read Jeff Abugel's book *Stranger to My Self he talks about a 'galaxy' of symptoms, and he's bang on the money in that respect. The 'experience' of DP, if we can call it that, is completely personal, and seemingly 'other' which is one of the really scary things about it.

All I know (and I really do KNOW IT, having recovered from this thing twice) is that comparing yourself to others, while comforting, is ultimately dispiriting, and I would urge you both not to obsess over recovery time. Everyone is different, and patience is everything. I am just one person, but - broadly speaking - the keys to recovery are - I think - DE-STRESSING, keeping positive and active, and trying - with all your might - to NOT succumb to worry and fear. This is very very easy to say, but extremely hard to do - I know - but I urge you to try. Relax, sleep, eat well, hydrate, go outside, talk to a therapist, read recovery stories (nothing else), have faith in yourself and KEEP IN THE SUNLIGHT (literally and figuratively).


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