# Personal question



## simplynothing (Aug 23, 2009)

Has anyone ever attempted suicide, and was it due to DP/DR?


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## puppyskin (Feb 21, 2010)

simplynothing said:


> Has anyone ever attempted suicide, and was it due to DP/DR?


no,more worried i would end up doing something like that,i often get thoughts like what if i jumped out in front of this oncoming truck.


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## Kayla (Jun 24, 2010)

My most serious attempt was when I was 14. I OD'd on about 170 pills. It was a really... life changing experience.

I had general dissociative disorder (I seperated myself from my past, or actions that were unsavory) before I tried, and after I now have complete dissociation (amnesia, OBE, general distress...). Leading up to trying I had been really really anxious, panic attacks every day, didn't think about anyhting other than ending my life. I think that because I lived though it, it made the dissociation worse. I mean now I almost have evidence that I'm not alive.. It's weird...

And now I'm kind of in the same place again.

*sigh* it's a revolving door


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## simplynothing (Aug 23, 2009)

Kayla said:


> My most serious attempt was when I was 14. I OD'd on about 170 pills. It was a really... life changing experience.
> 
> I had general dissociative disorder (I seperated myself from my past, or actions that were unsavory) before I tried, and after I now have complete dissociation (amnesia, OBE, general distress...). Leading up to trying I had been really really anxious, panic attacks every day, didn't think about anyhting other than ending my life. I think that because I lived though it, it made the dissociation worse. I mean now I almost have evidence that I'm not alive.. It's weird...
> 
> ...


Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it. how old are you now?


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## Kayla (Jun 24, 2010)

simplynothing said:


> Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it. how old are you now?


No problem. Just turned 19 in April. 
Are you contemplating that sort of thing? : /


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I tried to kill myself about 2 years ago. I was at my end and swallowed a full bottle of xanax and adderall. Closed my eyes expecting to not wake up. I don't remember much other than painting my couch and having paint all over myself when I woke up. Someone in the house noticed and called an ambulance. I remember ripping the IVs out of my arm in the hospital and running out in the gown with my ass hanging out, punching the fire extinguisher and kicking over trash cans just going INSANE. They had to sedate me and then took me to a psych ward. The ambulance driver was someone I went to high school with so that was pretty embarrassing. While at the psych ward the doctor I was given didn't speak fluent english and tried to make me take effexor which I had taken before and had a bad reaction to. I refused and she said she was going to keep me there for 3 weeks. During smoke break the guard started walking down the hall so I climbed up a door, stood on top, jumped and grabbed onto a 12 ft. wall, hopped over, and booked it. There was a lady having a garage sale so I put new clothes on. Just then the cops and security rolled up and I hid in a bush. They asked the lady having the sale if she had seen me. She kind of looked over at me and I signaled to her (don't say anything!). She said she hadn't and when they left came and talked to me. She had just gotten out of jail so she had empathy and hid me in her house and ended up driving me to the bus stop. It was an insane week.

There were plenty of other times where I never actually made a suicide attempt but I was just super careless with my life. I remember drinking vodka, taking benzos, smoking heroin and coke on top of that, barely breathing, not giving a shit. It's crazy to look back and think, "I most likely shouldn't be alive right now." It makes me feel guilty for trying to take my own life but at the same time a person can only take so much suffering. I don't see suicide as a selfish act. I have a different perspective on life now knowing that I could be dead. It makes me grateful to be alive, and I'm typically more careful now.


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## simplynothing (Aug 23, 2009)

Kayla said:


> No problem. Just turned 19 in April.
> Are you contemplating that sort of thing? : /


No,I see alot of suicidal ideation on the forum and was just curious as to how many people actually atempted it. Happy belated birthday,btw.


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## simplynothing (Aug 23, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> I tried to kill myself about 2 years ago. I was at my end and swallowed a full bottle of xanax and adderall. Closed my eyes expecting to not wake up. I don't remember much other than painting my couch and having paint all over myself when I woke up. Someone in the house noticed and called an ambulance. I remember ripping the IVs out of my arm in the hospital and running out in the gown with my ass hanging out, punching the fire extinguisher and kicking over trash cans just going INSANE. They had to sedate me and then took me to a psych ward. The ambulance driver was someone I went to high school with so that was pretty embarrassing. While at the psych ward the doctor I was given didn't speak fluent english and tried to make me take effexor which I had taken before and had a bad reaction to. I refused and she said she was going to keep me there for 3 weeks. During smoke break the guard started walking down the hall so I climbed up a door, stood on top, jumped and grabbed onto a 12 ft. wall, hopped over, and booked it. There was a lady having a garage sale so I put new clothes on. Just then the cops and security rolled up and I hid in a bush. They asked the lady having the sale if she had seen me. She kind of looked over at me and I signaled to her (don't say anything!). She said she hadn't and when they left came and talked to me. She had just gotten out of jail so she had empathy and hid me in her house and ended up driving me to the bus stop. It was an insane week.
> 
> There were plenty of other times where I never actually made a suicide attempt but I was just super careless with my life. I remember drinking vodka, taking benzos, smoking heroin and coke on top of that, barely breathing, not giving a shit. It's crazy to look back and think, "I most likely shouldn't be alive right now." It makes me feel guilty for trying to take my own life but at the same time a person can only take so much suffering. I don't see suicide as a selfish act. I have a different perspective on life now knowing that I could be dead. It makes me grateful to be alive, and I'm typically more careful now.


Wow, Kenny, I would have never imagined. Sounds like a really rough time. How long were you in the psych ward before the escape?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

2 days


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> I tried to kill myself about 2 years ago. I was at my end and swallowed a full bottle of xanax and adderall. Closed my eyes expecting to not wake up. I don't remember much other than painting my couch and having paint all over myself when I woke up. Someone in the house noticed and called an ambulance. I remember ripping the IVs out of my arm in the hospital and running out in the gown with my ass hanging out, punching the fire extinguisher and kicking over trash cans just going INSANE. They had to sedate me and then took me to a psych ward. The ambulance driver was someone I went to high school with so that was pretty embarrassing. While at the psych ward the doctor I was given didn't speak fluent english and tried to make me take effexor which I had taken before and had a bad reaction to. I refused and she said she was going to keep me there for 3 weeks. During smoke break the guard started walking down the hall so I climbed up a door, stood on top, jumped and grabbed onto a 12 ft. wall, hopped over, and booked it. There was a lady having a garage sale so I put new clothes on. Just then the cops and security rolled up and I hid in a bush. They asked the lady having the sale if she had seen me. She kind of looked over at me and I signaled to her (don't say anything!). She said she hadn't and when they left came and talked to me. She had just gotten out of jail so she had empathy and hid me in her house and ended up driving me to the bus stop. It was an insane week.
> 
> There were plenty of other times where I never actually made a suicide attempt but I was just super careless with my life. I remember drinking vodka, taking benzos, smoking heroin and coke on top of that, barely breathing, not giving a shit. It's crazy to look back and think, "I most likely shouldn't be alive right now." It makes me feel guilty for trying to take my own life but at the same time a person can only take so much suffering. I don't see suicide as a selfish act. I have a different perspective on life now knowing that I could be dead. It makes me grateful to be alive, and I'm typically more careful now.


Holy crap dude! When I was in the ward it was on the 2nd and 3rd floors of the hospitals I was in. They had everything locked down and there were security cameras everywhere. We couldn't escape if we wanted to.


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## Kayla (Jun 24, 2010)

simplynothing said:


> Happy belated birthday,btw.


Thanks


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Few years ago I walked in front of a van. When I woke up in the hospital I was so surprised to still be alive.

Am actually glad I didn't die. I feel like I have a lot to offer in this life.


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## DiscoStick (Dec 13, 2009)

I first considered suicide when I was 8 and my only friend died. I think about it a lot.
But I've never attempted it and I only plan to do it if I end up on the road to a painful and certain death.


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## hoot (Jun 17, 2010)

I've thought about it, never attempted it though. Because I realized I'm going to be dead one day anyway, and then it'll probably be like none of this ever happened, so suicide is in my view redundant. Might as well stick around, and try to find a way to enjoy life.


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