# Feel like things are "hyperreal" - in a bad state lately



## Lethe (Jul 5, 2012)

Hi,

This is my first post here.

My experience is surely depersonalization/derealization from all that I've read about it over the past twenty years. Lately, it's been very bad. I found a medication which worked (well) for this, but now my doctor demands that I discontinue it. Subsequently, the symptoms are back with a vengeance, and I can barely cope with them whatsoever. Can you tell me if you've ever heard of these types of symptoms before? I think they are dp/dr, although they don't read entirely like the textbook definition of it. It is, however, precisely what I've felt back in the 1980's when I would smoke pot and get way too high, and also occasionally when I had a bad trip on psychedelics (these did not cause this problem for me in the long term, although I realize they're often precipitants).

I had a breakdown in 1993 because of the way I felt. I was unable to function for about a year, couldn't leave the house, and couldn't be around anyone at all. My diagnosis is panic, and yes, I feel this when I have panic, which is obviously not constantly, and also, it's not as bad when I have panic. I don't have any other psychiatric problems and this happens 24/7 now, even when I'm not anxious at all. I'm not significantly depressed and am currently on no medication. I've never mentioned this to a doctor, but I have tried to commit suicide before because of it, something like fifteen years ago. I'm not schizophrenic and am probably too old to become schizophrenic. 

What I felt then, and what I feel now is as follows:

- I feel like I am having severe deja vu that won't go away.
- I feel like I am not in my body and that I can't feel my body very well. It gets worse when I try to walk.
- My arms and legs feel separated from me, as well as numb.
- I feel like I might really be doing something else than I am, or might be somewhere else than I am, which is uncanny and causes me to panic badly because I feel like I have no control over myself.
- I feel like I am high on drugs all the time.
- I feel like my thoughts are profoundly separate from me, and often too loud so that the thoughts and reality become conjoined, although I don't have hallucinations or delusions and never have. I do have some trouble navigating through life when these become muddy. 
- *I feel like things are TOO REAL.* Not unreal. Too real. Hyperreal. Too sharp. Too present. Too intense. Too bright. Too big. I feel like I can't stand the degree of intensity that objects around me because they are drowning me out or threatening to me. If things are very calm, I can cope with this. That rarely happens.
- I feel like there is too much gravity or maybe not enough. I have some trouble walking when this is bad because I can't figure out where I am in relationship to the street.
- I feel like the air is thick and sizzling in a highly disturbing fashion.
- I feel like I am not breathing. 
- I have strongly suspected I was dead at times, and have to constantly talk myself out of this idea.
- I am uncomfortable with the sound of my voice, as well as the sound of others' voices, at times. They sound weird, like they might be thoughts, and are intruding into my mental space.
- I have a feeling of time being disconnected from my perception by just an instant, which is unnerving. It makes it like everything is echoing.
- My general depth and speed perception are very off so that I have trouble driving.

I can't think of anything to add, other than to ask in particular if anyone else has this *feeling of things being "too real"? *I have pretty classic depersonalization, I think, although some of these things seem the opposite of derealization? Still, I can tell that my sense of reality is skewed. My emotions are intact, although sometimes when I'm laughing, I don't feel it inside.

I believe it's more neuropsychiatric than psychiatric. To me, there is a huge difference.

It's come and gone for so long. The medication worked well. Unfortunately, I can't find a doctor to continue prescribing it and nothing else works (I've tried neuroleptics, anticonvulsants, SSRI's, tricylics, basically everything but MAOI's -- benzodiazepines work, but doctors won't prescribe these too much, a point which I have gone the rounds with and have given up on). So, if I am going to live with this problem, can you tell me if these things are normal-ish? They're pretty intense for me. I am considering quitting my career because I don't feel functional anymore, getting worse over the past few months. I'm really just looking for an explanation of why my derealization is more like hyperrealization?

Thanks for enduring this long post and also for your responses.


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## Lethe (Jul 5, 2012)

Nothing?


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## Lethe (Jul 5, 2012)

I have no formal diagnosis of this disorder yet I believe I have been struggling with it for the past twenty-some years, at the least.

No one finds my statements to sound familiar?

Is it possible I have another disorder than you do, based on your disorder and its symptoms? It seems many of you have been diagnosed. Was this with tests? I've so far had an (abnormal) EEG (actually six EEG's total), an (abnormal) MRI X7, abnormal neurophyschiatric testing pointing to my cingulate gyrus, plus a SPECT scan indicating the same, which was basically what the EEG said. Coincedence? I don't think so.

I've additionally tried, in the past, with no luck:

- elavil, doxepin (a year of feeling zombified didn't help)
- depakote
- lithium (ugh)
- risperdal, seroquel (never again)
- klonopin, valium, dalmane, restoril, etc.
- prozac, paxil, zoloft, celexa (worsened)
- remeron
- trazadone (ugh -- called poison control after taking)
- dextromethamphetamine (worsened)
- lithium (ugh)
- neurontin (ugh)
- wellbutin, effexor (worsened)
- sinemet (seriously worsened)
- marijuana (had moments that were awful, but others were great)
- opium
- methadone, morphine, vicodin, flexeril (methadone is my least favorite pill)
- magnesium at high dose
- calcium, vitamin D
- Kava Kava (ugh)

Thank you for your replies. *HELP ME OKAY? :* _Would you say that this sounds like dp/dr?_ THanks. I am horrified by my state and unable to cope more than moment to moment today.


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## Punno (Jun 10, 2012)

Hey there,

That does indeed sound like pretty classic DP/DR and I have had many of these symptoms before. I'd be very hesitant to say that your symptoms are being caused by anything neurological as DP/DR is usually a defense mechanism that is triggered in your body to protect you from anxiety and trauma.

The following is from Wikipedia:

Frequently, derealization occurs in the context of constant worrying or 'intrusive thoughts' that one finds hard to switch off. In such cases it can build unnoticed along with the underlying anxiety attached to these disturbing thoughts, and be recognized only in the aftermath of a realization of crisis, often a panic attack, subsequently seeming difficult or impossible to ignore. This type of anxiety can be crippling to the affected and may lead to avoidant behavior. Those who experience this phenomenon may feel concern over the cause of their derealization. It is often difficult to accept that such a disturbing symptom is simply a result of anxiety, and the individual may often think that the cause must be something more serious. This can, in turn, cause more anxiety and worsen the derealization. Derealization also affects the learning process. Because the individual sees the events in 3rd person, they cannot properly process information.

I also have DP although I'm nearly recovered, mine was first the result of drug use and anxiety when I was 17, lasted for 2 or 3 years until I was around 20 and then I basically repressed it away with alchohol for 5 years. I recently had a massive relapse, way more intense than my first experience that was a result of bottling up my hypochondria (severe) that i'd developed from my first experience plus the anxiety that came with it.

After 5 long years I forced myself to the doctor to get a CT brain scan, blood tests, breath tests etc. At this point I felt on the verge of complete mental collapse, I was completely of out sync with my body and the world around me, I felt I was hanging onto the last shreds of my personality and memory and I had headaches, neck pain, visual disturbances, memory loss and other symptoms.

I thought I was literally walking to my grave when I got called in to get my results, I had been procrastinating for 5 years as I was convinced I had a brain tumor and couldn't face the truth. I sat in the doctors office for 3 minutes before he said anything, the longest 3 minutes of my life, only to have him say that my brain scan was 100% normal. He then went on to say that my blood and breath test results were some of the best he'd seen.

I had absolutely no idea how to feel, I still feel like it was all a dream. But as I removed the root cause of my DP/DR it began to untangle itself, however I can now see how damaged I am from the experience. I have to retrain my mind completely, it still recoils at the thought of anything positive or any happy thoughts for the future as before I was convinced I would die and there was no point, I find myself still looking for DP but now can control it as opposed to before when it completely consumed me.

As for medicine, I have never taken anything for my condition - I've always wanted to face my problems head on and make a permanent change, not rely on drugs to give me temporary relief.


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## Reflection (Aug 12, 2004)

Your list of symptoms do sound very much like those of depersonalization. I'm sorry to read that you can no longer find a doctor to continue prescribing a medication that was working for you. This seems unnecessarily cruel given the degree to which you are obviously suffering and the long list of medications you have tried without success. Can you share with us which medication was helping your condition?


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

I had most of your symptoms (still do) , with a strong exception, things don't look too real for me, they look way too unreal, but I guess each one perceives it in a different way, also things looking way too real.. I can't imagine how it feels like, but it must be frightening as hell


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## GeorgeArm (Mar 24, 2018)

How long did you try sertraline(Zoloft) for?

I get these feelings and they were amplified, but I think they go away after a while on sertraline.


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## lys (Jul 25, 2018)

I experienced these feelings of things being "too real" when I was 22. These occurrences eventually led to my first panic attack. The panic attacks would only happen ever so often but then they became increasing, stemming from the feeling of being "Too real" "feeling out of my body" "These arms aren't my arms" and things of that nature. I eventually got on sertraline 25mg. It helped. I was on it for 5 years. Separate, or maybe interlinked, I'm not sure, I started experiencing depression in my mid-twenties and the 25mg was not enough. I went up, but it still didn't work. So I switched from one drug to another, a slew of drugs because I had to treat the anxiety/panic/and depression. I finally took the gene test (which I know it still a prickly debate). I'm not saying one way or the other about its accuracy but the medicines it linked me to have been helping vastly. I've been on vibryd for a year now at 40mg. The depersonalization and realization are kept at bay UNLESS I drink. Then the next day I feel it, anxiety bubbles up and depression lingers, but a last, that is what alcohol does.

All of the counselors and psychiatrists have told me that I am not crazy. This is just a side effect of severe anxiety. Thinking you are crazy only leads to the anxiety. They tell me to take walks, eat clean, reduce/quit drinking, and take the medicine. Counseling helps because when I do feel too overwhelmed or start to feel "hypersensitive" to the outside world, it is reassuring to hear it from a professional that I haven't gone off the deep end and can still have personal connections with others.

Hope this helps.


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Hi I've had most those feelings 
At times things appear high definition to me as if it's so bright and vivid like a cartoon but I describe it as seeming unreal 
Those symptoms of yours are DP dr and anxiety


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