# What about existential feelings,not questions



## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

I read about a lot of people having existential questions,but I don't have questions.I don't care where the world came from and what's the purpose of life,I just feel weird of the fact that I exist,I hate this symtpom it makes me think that it's not dp ,it's the first thought that comes to my mind when I wake up,I open my eyes and like this air and reality just slap me in the face and my own consciousness freaks me out big time.People say stop asking questions when nobody can provide you with answers but I don't ask questions I just want to shake this feeling off.It's like all my life I have been blind and now I can SEE (not in a good way) ,now I am aware and this awareness is super weird and tense.I wake up and I freak out that I can see,I can think and I exist,I feel like an alien. I just want to know if there are people out there going throught the same,not ASKING existential questions,just feeling SUPERAWARE of their own existence that freaks them out.The most weird part is when I sleep I dream about normal stuff,I feel normal being human in my dreams but when I wake up and the rest of the day it's always on my mind-feeling scared that I exist.


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## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

I try to get distracted but even when I watch a movie or I am out with friends it seem s so fake and strange ( as id I am doing these things for the first time) and I can't relax,*it feels like I want a break from consciousness and there is nowhere to escape and I panic.*


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## Ruhtra (Aug 14, 2013)

Yep, I know exactly how it feels. It's called ''annihilation anxiety'' or ''fragmentation anxiety''. It's a very common symptom of DP.


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## L.Z. (Oct 15, 2012)

THOUGHTS BECOME FEELING

That´s it with this dissorder....


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## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

DOes it ever go away,I don't want to be afraid fd consciousness anymore,sometimes because I will be stuck in reality all my life I wouldn't be able to live like this.


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## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

You are very right about the things you said in your post,it's just unbearable today,very very intense I feel like I will go nuts ot kill myself any moment.

I just linger there in a reality I don't understand being conscious that I don't like.


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## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

I cannot imagine why are there so many scary and unbearable feelings,how, on Earth, do they exist-that scary,my mind can't possibly take it. I just had the most extreme deja vu ever! It was awful,I was totally sure that it has happened in the past,so scary. And all of this is just anxiety???? Dam* anxiety it makes life impossible.


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## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

yes,I am that way too NO THANKS to spiritual stuff-they freak me out even more so I stay away from these things, after one intense conversation with my friends about law of attraction and astrology predictions I got DP again,

as for the deja vu,I remember I studied about deja vu,it's just a mind trick not a past life experience ( I didn't play games on my phone in my past life for sure)


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## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

Basically it feels like bad 'awakening' of existence,can you reverse awakening


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## AlexSh (Oct 19, 2013)

sunshinita said:


> I try to get distracted but even when I watch a movie or I am out with friends it seem s so fake and strange ( as id I am doing these things for the first time) and I can't relax,*it feels like I want a break from consciousness and there is nowhere to escape and I panic.*


That's exactly how I feel. It's like I've become too aware of my existence and all my senses. whatever I do during the day, I am constantly being hit by thoughts like "Oh my god, I exist! I can see! I can walk!" etc. Yes, it's like some kind of awakening, which freaks me out. It's like being THAT conscious is too much. Sometimes I dream if there would be some kind of a box where you lie and could be disconnected from reality until you feel better.


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

It's not exactly awakening. It's self-consciousness. It's being affected by your thoughts to a degree which causes distress or anxiety.

Awakening is having the space between you and your thoughts so you can watch them come and go and they don't bother you. You realize that the mind has a life of its own and you don't have to get caught up in it. (You are not your mind.)

That's it basically - identification with the mind can produce this effect. If you can understand that the ego can attach itself to anything (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, identity) then you can get some distance between yourself and anxiety-producing thoughts.

But to do that you must become aware of the automatic, impulsive nature of the process. It just arises, and you're sucked into it...like into a dream.


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## Hannah12 (May 11, 2013)

I feel exactly the same way! I hate it so much because school. I feel trapped in one room and i start to feel weird because I'm alice and here my mind races! You're not alone!!!!!


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## Hannah12 (May 11, 2013)

A


Hannah12 said:


> I feel exactly the same way! I hate it so much because school. I feel trapped in one room and i start to feel weird because I'm alice and here my mind races! You're not alone!!!!!


Alive*


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## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

From fearless's post for me it's something between point 2 and 3.I am so obsessed with this feeling I can't stop thinking about it-so it doesn't go away,and my mind creates more and more scary feelings that I cannot explain with words.Even when I read how I explained this thing I can't fully agree that I explained it right,and when someone says he has the same and explains it in his own way-I don't think it's the same,I can't even explain it,it's just very scary hyperawareness.I still live my life like I used to,I go to university,I go out with friends,I eat the same,my sleep is not very good but it never was perfect.I don't sit at home dwelling on this feeling but it's always with me and of course the though that I will never go back to normal prevents me from experiencing joy from the things I do.


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## SheWontFollow (Apr 16, 2013)

Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes. I'm not even able to put it into words. It's so unnerving.


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## yupin (Oct 8, 2013)

I get exactly the same thing. The worst thing is not the feeling itself, but the thoughts it leads to. Like suddenly being aware of things and not being able to imagine that they are actually happening here and now. To the point where I dont know what I believe anymore. It's indescribably horribla, and The only thing that helps is geting used to the thoughts, until I just kind of forget to have them and start "taking everything for granted" again.


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

Awakening my as5, 
It's just anxiety pushing irrelevant bits of information to your subconscious.


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## SamodrotAgressivoDrot (Nov 16, 2011)

it also can be a sort of conditional/association reflex. (a feeling that is triggered by thought).


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## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

Well can this conditional reflex stop reflexing?It's very weirdddd,sometimes I feel 'irritated' my the fact that I see and I am somewhere,that I exist in a place,sometimes it's scary,sometimes irritating.Anxiety does some very strange stuff to you.I don't even think it's DP that I have,t's just some twisted form of anxiety.


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## Piha (Dec 9, 2013)

I would like to tell you that I already passed through the same thing.

And first I thought conciousness was a pretty bad thing, cause it is like;

I know I am going to die and there is nothing I can do about it.

I know the loved ones one day will be gone, and there is nothing I can do about it.

It was pretty scared too, but then, I just realized that if there is no option to these things

the better thing I could do was start enjoying things before it is gone.

Example; love my family and have a lot of good time with them, enjoy them as much as I can, before they're gone or I'm gone.

Enjoy life, stop worring about everything and shit.

The bad thing was about nihilism, I went into a nihilism state pretty bad too, when I thought the conciousness was a bad thing.

I just got better when I just started realizing and putting in practice what I said.

Well, now I think conciousness is such an amazin thing and do you want to know why?

Cause it makes us free. It makes us enjoy more life, worry less, let the fear aside and do things we would love to do.

We don't care about what other people think, we don't care about a damn, cause soon we will all be gone.

And well, I woke up my conciousness when I was a child and at that time it was pretty scary too.

I was just playing soccer at the street and then I just stopped and realized! I AM IN A WORLD THAT IS IN THE UNIVERSE.

It is "flying" and I am not falling! It is amazin. It may sound scary but it is amazin, believe me.

And after that I was feeling really strange with myself, like; oh my god what is my hand? I have five fingers. I have two hands, isn't it pretty strange?

I have a voice inside my head, I have two eyes and I see things through it, all of this is pretty scary but at the same time.. well, you know, amazin!

Just try to start enjoyin things!


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## HelloAgainMe (Apr 19, 2013)

I have the same issue from time to time. In fact, I have had it since childhood. I used to be afraid if my shadow. It later turned into being freaked out by looking in the mirror too long. If this feeling comes about, I answer these thoughts with my goals, my strengths, and I approach them positively. I feel normal in my dreams, but when awake, I sometimes feel "dreamy". I believe that it will eventually go away.


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## rviit (Dec 13, 2013)

HelloAgainMe said:


> I have the same issue from time to time. In fact, I have had it since childhood. I used to be afraid if my shadow. It later turned into being freaked out by looking in the mirror too long. If this feeling comes about, I answer these thoughts with my goals, my strengths, and I approach them positively. I feel normal in my dreams, but when awake, I sometimes feel "dreamy". I believe that it will eventually go away.


I get the Dreams too. For me, The problem is the thoughts, not the feeling, but generellt, The worse it gets, The more realistiskt and "normal" my dreams become.


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## Forumnewbie (Nov 4, 2013)

I know exactly how u feel. It's my most dominant symptom. It makes me suicidal. Like I'm in a play and I need to go back to real life but I don't know where it is. And then my stomach sinks when I realise this is the only life I know and can exist in so how do I feel so estranged. It's strange that our minds can think the same identical thoughts. How can that be??


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## HelloAgainMe (Apr 19, 2013)

rviit said:


> I get the Dreams too. For me, The problem is the thoughts, not the feeling, but generellt, The worse it gets, The more realistiskt and "normal" my dreams become.


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## HelloAgainMe (Apr 19, 2013)

I've come to realize that the thing that works for me is embracing my existence. Dreams are just dreams, no matter how real they feel. Being conscious is just that. If we know something consciously, it is time to believe it. There shouldn't be an "Oh, well I feel like this isn't real", or an I "FEEL LIKE" at all. Life isn't about sitting there intentionally trying to feel any certain way. When we eat ice cream, we don't need to try and "feel" how cold it is. That's just automatic! The more we "do", the less we will "think about doing."


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## Spadde (Oct 29, 2013)

I Think I have the exact.thing youre having


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## bioluminescence (Dec 16, 2013)

I feel exactly like this too, and that's what DR is to me. The problem is it's so damn difficult to explain, because it's more of a feeling than a thought. Or more like, it starts out as a thought, and quickly turns into pure, paralysing fear; it's very, very difficult to explain. That's why I break down every time someone asks me about it, I just start screaming because while they might not understand it, they don't want to know how it feels. The feeling of "over-consciousness" is so strong and painful, that I wouldn't want anyone to have to go trough it, ever. Of all the depression and depersonalisation and other kinds of anxiety I've ever felt, this is the one thing I would erase if I could choose one.

Sunshinita; your thoughts are very similar to those of many others, and I at least identify with them very strongly.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Yes unfortunately I get that too...I constantly have feelings of being an alien and feeling totally inhuman lol it's pretty bad.

Fearless they don't necessarily have to be panic attacks because I get these feelings too and I don't have panic attacks. It's just the feelings that come with the disorder it's hard to ignore because u genuinely do feel different


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## rviit (Dec 13, 2013)

Fearless said:


> These are nothing more but creative panic attacks, which you unconsciously use to avoid real life issues, which you believe you can't handle.


Mate, I really hope that you're joking.


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