# Scariest night ever



## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

These last days I haven't been that bad with DP/DR, but this night is being the scariest night I've ever had in my entire life. I'm taking ages to type this as I have to go lay on my bed every minute because my panic level is like 11/10. I'm fearing for my life as I speak, because I'm way too scared to think. I went for a walk for about an hour, and before I left my DP/DR started increasing, but I didn't care much as I was going for a walk and usually I feel more relaxed when I walk. But that didn't happen today, I got more and more scared as I walked so basically I kept on increasing my DP/DR every step, for an hour. I got home about 15/20 minutes ago, and I don't know what to do. I've always thought I was suffering from horrible DP/DR, but I had no idea of what I was talking about. THIS, is real DP/DR. THIS, is probably my first "real" panic attack. All my other panic attacks were probably me getting too anxious but not like this, not even close. For the first time ever, I was about to cry with fear, because I was so scared I thought I was going to die. It began with the usual, questioning reality, wondering how the universe works, etc. Then the death thoughts came along, what happens when we die. From that moment, I felt a huuuugee rush inside me and all of my body was racing, had a huge headache, the right side of my head felt numb, my heart was pumping hard and fast and I was all shakey and dizzy. I used to relate to everyones problems but I could never understand how some people actually said that they either ended up in the ER, or almost did. I was almost about to ask my mother to take me to the ER, but then again I thought "what's the use? what can they help with?" , so I just decided to calm myself down. It's quite an impossible task though, it's been like 30 minutes now and I'm all shakey, dizzy, and my head hurts like hell. Everythings seems more unreal than ever. After this night, I really fear for my life, even though I don't know what death is exactly.

I really need to know if you people can relate to this, because honestly, I don't know what to do anymore to calm down, I'm so scared I just feel crying but at the same time I can't :'( Never thought that the worst thing ever could get any worse, shit I'm so scared


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## Guest (May 5, 2010)

I honestly cannot relate to this. But I do want to give you some advice. First of all, I recommend you either eat or shower, and then after that go do the other one (eat or shower). Also talk with your mother about this. Actually do this first. Go tell her that you just need to talk with her and fill her in on what you are feeling at the moment. Tell her you just need the company for now. Talking with my parents during episodes is usually the most helpful.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> I honestly cannot relate to this. But I do want to give you some advice. First of all, I recommend you either eat or shower, and then after that go do the other one (eat or shower). Also talk with your mother about this. Actually do this first. Go tell her that you just need to talk with her and fill her in on what you are feeling at the moment. Tell her you just need the company for now. Talking with my parents during episodes is usually the most helpful.


The problem is that she says she's tired of this, she says I think I'm the only one whos suffering in all of this, and that she has to listen to everything I say and shut up. She's probably right I mean, I usually only come to her when I'm having an episode or something like that so it's normal that she's tired of it, so the only way to calm down is by chatting here :S

Well, when I asked if anyone could relate to this it was more about the intensity part I mean, atleast for me the DP/DR/Anxiety overall levels are not always the same, sometimes I barely notice them and I can just ignore them. Sometimes they are high, and I feel way more scared. This time, I honestly wasn't expecting this to happen, which is that it went over any other panic attack I've had before. All my symptoms got at the highest level ever, which is something I would never expect to happen, because it's always the same like constant DP/DR, then sometimes it gets a bit worse and I get obsessive thoughts that kinda keep me from doing whatever I'm doing, sometimes I even need to sit for a while to calm down but it was always manageable. Now this time I felt totally out of control.


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## Guest (May 5, 2010)

ThisCantBeHappening said:


> The problem is that she says she's tired of this, she says I think I'm the only one whos suffering in all of this, and that she has to listen to everything I say and shut up. She's probably right I mean, I usually only come to her when I'm having an episode or something like that so it's normal that she's tired of it, so the only way to calm down is by chatting here :S
> 
> Well, when I asked if anyone could relate to this it was more about the intensity part I mean, atleast for me the DP/DR/Anxiety overall levels are not always the same, sometimes I barely notice them and I can just ignore them. Sometimes they are high, and I feel way more scared. This time, I honestly wasn't expecting this to happen, which is that it went over any other panic attack I've had before. All my symptoms got at the highest level ever, which is something I would never expect to happen, because it's always the same like constant DP/DR, then sometimes it gets a bit worse and I get obsessive thoughts that kinda keep me from doing whatever I'm doing, sometimes I even need to sit for a while to calm down but it was always manageable. Now this time I felt totally out of control.


Oh, well I'm sure she would listen to you night and day if she knew what it was like. Anyway, I used to have VERY intense DP. It would get 100 times more intense whenever I smoked pot. And I did that for 2 years regularly when DP began. I just wanted to feel the pain, in a masochistic kind of way. But there were times when I was so removed from reality that I have no clue how I was able to drive home in that condition. Something is at work like how our hearts keep on beating and we don't consciously do the beating. Maybe this will give you some reassurance. Everything is going to be alright, the beat goes on


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

ThisCantBeHappening said:


> These last days I haven't been that bad with DP/DR, but this night is being the scariest night I've ever had in my entire life. I'm taking ages to type this as I have to go lay on my bed every minute because my panic level is like 11/10. I'm fearing for my life as I speak, because I'm way too scared to think. I went for a walk for about an hour, and before I left my DP/DR started increasing, but I didn't care much as I was going for a walk and usually I feel more relaxed when I walk. But that didn't happen today, I got more and more scared as I walked so basically I kept on increasing my DP/DR every step, for an hour. I got home about 15/20 minutes ago, and I don't know what to do. I've always thought I was suffering from horrible DP/DR, but I had no idea of what I was talking about. THIS, is real DP/DR. THIS, is probably my first "real" panic attack. All my other panic attacks were probably me getting too anxious but not like this, not even close. For the first time ever, I was about to cry with fear, because I was so scared I thought I was going to die. It began with the usual, questioning reality, wondering how the universe works, etc. Then the death thoughts came along, what happens when we die. From that moment, I felt a huuuugee rush inside me and all of my body was racing, had a huge headache, the right side of my head felt numb, my heart was pumping hard and fast and I was all shakey and dizzy. I used to relate to everyones problems but I could never understand how some people actually said that they either ended up in the ER, or almost did. I was almost about to ask my mother to take me to the ER, but then again I thought "what's the use? what can they help with?" , so I just decided to calm myself down. It's quite an impossible task though, it's been like 30 minutes now and I'm all shakey, dizzy, and my head hurts like hell. Everythings seems more unreal than ever. After this night, I really fear for my life, even though I don't know what death is exactly.
> 
> I really need to know if you people can relate to this, because honestly, I don't know what to do anymore to calm down, I'm so scared I just feel crying but at the same time I can't :'( Never thought that the worst thing ever could get any worse, shit I'm so scared


Welcome to the world of panic attacks. You, my friend, surely had a panic attack. When I had my first one, it didn't present as nervousness per se, it presented more or less what you described. It felt completely like something physical. I didn't believe it at first when doctors diagnosed me with panic attacks and panic disorder. I was very mad because I felt like they didn't understand how sick I felt, how scared I felt.

I felt faint, dizzy, unreal, detached, had weak legs. I was nauseated, tingling in my face, neck, etc. It is one of the most awful things a human can go through next to DP. Those who don't suffer from this can't understand and I get mad at people who joke and say they are having a panic attack. When you have a panic attack, you don't think it is one. Instead, it presents itself like you feel like you seriously will die or go crazy. I am very descriptive for sure because my DP is an offshoot from panic disorder. I believe DP can be probably caused by other things, but for me it is due to my anxiety. There is so much adrenaline and cortisol that goes through you when you panic, it is worse than when I actually have been scared. I think my brain finally got tired, and thus now I am Dped very, very often. Message me if you have other questions.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

What really sucks, besides this weird feeling of being "dead" after this huge panic attack, is that I thought I was getting better. I thought I was going to get my life back soon, that I just had to think positive whenever I felt worse, but this episode really killed my hopes. God I just want to have a normal life, I don't think I've ever said something like this in this forum but at this precise moment I feel like saying everything, let it all out.

I just don't know how this could happen.. I mean, today an old member of this forum came here to tell everyone how he got better and that he almost forgot about the forum, I felt way better when I read his thread so I don't get it, I should be feeling better not having the biggest panic attack ever.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

2deepathinker said:


> Welcome to the world of panic attacks. You, my friend, surely had a panic attack. When I had my first one, it didn't present as nervousness per se, it presented more or less what you described. It felt completely like something physical. I didn't believe it at first when doctors diagnosed me with panic attacks and panic disorder. I was very mad because I felt like they didn't understand how sick I felt, how scared I felt.
> 
> I felt faint, dizzy, unreal, detached, had weak legs. I was nauseated, tingling in my face, neck, etc. It is one of the most awful things a human can go through next to DP. Those who don't suffer from this can't understand and I get mad at people who joke and say they are having a panic attack. When you have a panic attack, you don't think it is one. Instead, it presents itself like you feel like you seriously will die or go crazy. I am very descriptive for sure because my DP is an offshoot from panic disorder. I believe DP can be probably caused by other things, but for me it is due to my anxiety. There is so much adrenaline and cortisol that goes through you when you panic, it is worse than when I actually have been scared. I think my brain finally got tired, and thus now I am Dped very, very often. Message me if you have other questions.


Can't say I'm happy for joining the world of panic attacks, but thanks.

I really can't believe this is happening to me, but by your description of a panic attack, indeed I did have one. I could barely walk, everything around me felt like "slow" , whenever I turned my head around I naerly fell, DP/DR got extreme, body pain/numbness at its fine best, and I felt like I was about to puke. I'm still trying to calm down after all this time, I'm slightly better but as soon as I remember the episode, I feel like crying because it's just so frightening.

But honestly, thank you guys for the replies so far, don't know where I would be right now if it wasn't for this forum, thank you.


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## dreamingoflife (Oct 22, 2006)

ThisCantBeHappening said:


> Can't say I'm happy for joining the world of panic attacks, but thanks.
> 
> I really can't believe this is happening to me, but by your description of a panic attack, indeed I did have one. I could barely walk, everything around me felt like "slow" , whenever I turned my head around I naerly fell, DP/DR got extreme, body pain/numbness at its fine best, and I felt like I was about to puke. I'm still trying to calm down after all this time, I'm slightly better but as soon as I remember the episode, I feel like crying because it's just so frightening.
> 
> But honestly, thank you guys for the replies so far, don't know where I would be right now if it wasn't for this forum, thank you.


It was defiantly a panic attack. When you have one you feel like there is no way that it can just be a panic attack because of how real the symptoms are and how awful you feel. I usually get shaky, dizzy, my mind races to a point I can't think straight, I feel like running because of the fear but I don't know where to run, my dp/dr gets so intense i feel almost invisible. It's a very scary experience but if you let it run it's course and just pace if you have to or sit down and breath in and out for a few minutes it usually will hit a peak at about 5-10 minutes and go down some. I usually feel weak and shaky a good hour after I have one unless I take a benzo which here lately i haven't taken one, I just let the feelings do their thing and try and remain calm. When you have another just remind yourself that it won't kill you and that the more you fight it the worse it will get and just breath and distract yourself and it will go away. I have had all the sensations you described and then some and trust me they are scary but totally harmless. Good luck!


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

dreamingoflife said:


> It was defiantly a panic attack. When you have one you feel like there is no way that it can just be a panic attack because of how real the symptoms are and how awful you feel. I usually get shaky, dizzy, my mind races to a point I can't think straight, I feel like running because of the fear but I don't know where to run, my dp/dr gets so intense i feel almost invisible. It's a very scary experience but if you let it run it's course and just pace if you have to or sit down and breath in and out for a few minutes it usually will hit a peak at about 5-10 minutes and go down some. I usually feel weak and shaky a good hour after I have one unless I take a benzo which here lately i haven't taken one, I just let the feelings do their thing and try and remain calm. When you have another just remind yourself that it won't kill you and that the more you fight it the worse it will get and just breath and distract yourself and it will go away. I have had all the sensations you described and then some and trust me they are scary but totally harmless. Good luck!


Thanks a lot for the reply









I was on diazepam 5mg to help me with my sleeping because I can never fall asleep easily, it's always a big struggle. But, I stopped taking it because I was feeling bad, like weak and full of muscle pain, and I thought it was because of it, but guess what? A minute after I created this thread I really had to take it because I just didn't know what else to do, it was either take it or get to the ER as soon as possible. After an hour or so I started feeling better, not sure if it was because of diazepam or if it was just the fear going away, whatever it was I'm just glad I'm "back on track" , really thought I wasn't gonna make it this time.

By the way, I've seen that most people that suffer from panic attacks have an intense fear of dying because of a stroke or something like that, I have to admit I wasn't really affraid of dying like that, I was affraid that I would die mentally, but I guess this has to do with each ones fears, mine's always about mental health (even though there was a time I feared heart-related stuff).


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## dreamingoflife (Oct 22, 2006)

ThisCantBeHappening said:


> Thanks a lot for the reply
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well sometimes it's just too intense to handle on our own and that isn't anything to be ashamed of. I have had moments with panic that I had no choice but to give in and take something and I honestly was scared that the pill wouldn't even make me calm down but it always does. Maybe next time you can catch it early and let it ride out and go away. I am grateful to have the option to take a xanax if I need it but I try my hardest to stay away from them so that I don't rely on them all the time. I know what you mean about dieing mentally. I have that fear in the midst of panic and it makes it 10x worse but I just try and make it through all the chaos as best as I can. It's pure hell.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

dreamingoflife said:


> Well sometimes it's just too intense to handle on our own and that isn't anything to be ashamed of. I have had moments with panic that I had no choice but to give in and take something and I honestly was scared that the pill wouldn't even make me calm down but it always does. Maybe next time you can catch it early and let it ride out and go away. I am grateful to have the option to take a xanax if I need it but I try my hardest to stay away from them so that I don't rely on them all the time. I know what you mean about dieing mentally. I have that fear in the midst of panic and it makes it 10x worse but I just try and make it through all the chaos as best as I can. It's pure hell.


Yeah, it's always good to know you have something to take incase you're having a panic attack or just bad anxiety, but it's also important that you have self control I guess. This was the first time I took something during a panic attack, probably even because this was my first REAL panic attack, but I'll keep in mind next time that I have to control myself and try to avoid the meds.

Once again, I'd like to thank you all for the replies, I forgot to say that talking here is what calms me down the most, it was probably all this chatting that even made me calm down so I'm really thankful


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## guest1234 (Mar 23, 2010)

I'm not an authority on panic attacks, but I would really recommend Paul David's book 'At last a life' (www.anxietynomore.co.uk)

His approach to the whole anxiety/panic/dp thing was what set me on the right track to recovery.

The basic idea is when one starts is to actually try and make the symptoms come as badly as possible - I think in essence this is to show yourself that it can never get so bad that anything actually happens to you and thus removes a lot of the fear out of it.

Having a panic attack doesn't mean you aren't getting better in general. It is at worst another hurdle and let's face it what's one more


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

guest1234 said:


> I'm not an authority on panic attacks, but I would really recommend Paul David's book 'At last a life' (www.anxietynomore.co.uk)
> 
> His approach to the whole anxiety/panic/dp thing was what set me on the right track to recovery.
> 
> ...


Well, the problem itself is not having panic attacks, it's more about what causes them, which is my incredibly intense fear of death. I'm not scared that I'll die painfully or anything, it's more about what will happen to me once I'm gone. The whole eternity thing scares the crap out of me, and I,m constantly thinking about it. When it becomes too intense, I can't shut down my thoughts and no distraction can save me from having a panic attack I guess, since yesterday when I was having that walk with my mother I remember she was talking to me all the time and it was just as if she wasn't saying anything, my mind could only hear fearful thoughts about death and nothing else. Then theres the "after" part, which is today, I'm feeling like crap because I'm still scared of what happened yesterday, but the fear of death is still more intense than that so yeah.

Anyways, I'll check on that website thanks a lot









Edit: Also, what's getting me scared today is that I'm googling constantly to find people that have overcome their fear of death, but the only thing I can find is people who actually fear death itself, not what happens after, and some even fear the way they might die (painfully, like drowning). I actually found people with the same fear as me but, they didn't have any "tips" on how to deal with it and it's perfectly normal, because it's not really like other fears, I guess it's something that the person itself has to deal with, it's a bit harder when you're an atheist though


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## Mlags45 (Apr 30, 2010)

Hey, I had the same exact experience you had. I was smoking with my friend last year when the DP hit hard. I started to question what people are? what is life? what the fuck is ANYTHING!? I had thought about these questions before of course but at the time it was too "real". I started to see myself dying and I thought I had died. People and my environment started to look different. And yes, everything becomes extremely slow because you're so self aware of yourself and the environment that time does not seem real. When you have a panic attack the amount of adrenaline released in your body is insane. After that night I was in a constant existential state. So I was always questioning why I'm here, who am I, is there a god? What happens when I die. All the fun stuff haha! Anyway, it does get better. It's only terrifying because it's the first time it happened to you. Not saying that it's not bad when it happens again, but you learn to recognize it and why certain things happen to you and how it makes you feel. Just have faith that shit will work out. In life I believe that everything happens for a reason. It does go away trust me. Don't listen to anyone who says they've had DP for 40 years and it never goes away. Don't base other peoples experiences for yourself. You are your own person and you will get out of this DP. I would find myself reading peoples posts saying that they've had it for 40 years and I envisioned myself having it for that long. But that was not the case! I was constantly in a state of outer body experience and derealization for a year and half. 24/7 constant drainage! I couldn't even talk to my own family or friends. This was definitely the hardest time of my 18 years on this earthly planet. Just keep positive my friend and don't dwell on anything that has happened to you. It's just a phase and you will learn to cope with it. Good luck, and message me if ya need!


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Mlags45 said:


> Hey, I had the same exact experience you had. I was smoking with my friend last year when the DP hit hard. I started to question what people are? what is life? what the fuck is ANYTHING!? I had thought about these questions before of course but at the time it was too "real". I started to see myself dying and I thought I had died. People and my environment started to look different. And yes, everything becomes extremely slow because you're so self aware of yourself and the environment that time does not seem real. When you have a panic attack the amount of adrenaline released in your body is insane. After that night I was in a constant existential state. So I was always questioning why I'm here, who am I, is there a god? What happens when I die. All the fun stuff haha! Anyway, it does get better. It's only terrifying because it's the first time it happened to you. Not saying that it's not bad when it happens again, but you learn to recognize it and why certain things happen to you and how it makes you feel. Just have faith that shit will work out. In life I believe that everything happens for a reason. It does go away trust me. Don't listen to anyone who says they've had DP for 40 years and it never goes away. Don't base other peoples experiences for yourself. You are your own person and you will get out of this DP. I would find myself reading peoples posts saying that they've had it for 40 years and I envisioned myself having it for that long. But that was not the case! I was constantly in a state of outer body experience and derealization for a year and half. 24/7 constant drainage! I couldn't even talk to my own family or friends. This was definitely the hardest time of my 18 years on this earthly planet. Just keep positive my friend and don't dwell on anything that has happened to you. It's just a phase and you will learn to cope with it. Good luck, and message me if ya need!


Thanks a lot for the reply.

Well, I don't really get affected by people's posts when they say they've had DP/DR for over 40 years, everyones different, theres always hope


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