# How I healed my Self



## Abraxas

Hi everyone. I already introduced myself... on this thread i want to discuss mainly how i came to heal my self and recover from DP. I will try first to elaborate on the onset and symptoms, so that you can see if this could apply to you, as my story might differ in some elemental way to yours. I really hope this helps.

I will do a summary here, and then for each topic I consider is worth elaborating, I will edit this post and paste a link to another thread were I will expand on said, so if it interests you, keep coming back to this thread as I will try to update it and make it as helpful and complete as possible.

First of all allow me to tell you something that might sound a bit like im patronizing you (even so with my being 23):

Everything is going to be alright. You will get out of this hell. You did not lose your self forever, you are not insane. You are a beautiful, sensitive living being who is just going through a spiritual crisis. This is definitely not enlightenment, DP is more like being in the desert. You may be on your way to expanded consciousness but only if you get out of DP, only if you regain your Self. If someone says that DP is enlightenment then they either dont have a clue about what DP is (if it is the case that they do not suffer it), or they are in denial, repressing a very deep longing for being again, for finding that self, to go back home. If it is the case that such person has DP and is at complete peace, bliss, etc. Then, good for them. But here I guess most of you are suffering. DP is definitely not my idea of enlightenment. So, f**k the Void







Be your own Buddha, and guide yourself out of this pain. Start asking yourself honest questions: What do *you* feel is good for you? what do *you* want?

Here is a thread i wrote on the mis-interpretation of Anatta (No Self) in Buddhism. Please only read if you are stuck with Buddhism, otherwise it is just useless information that may actually harm you, as this topics are very subtle. 
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27187-the-buddhist-lie/

DP is for me spiritual rock bottom. I could not stop feeling like I had lost my soul. For me it was like losing the plot, and it hurt a lot.

*But this is the good news:

You have nothing, i mean nothing, else to lose. From here you can only go up. * And trust me, once you get through this you will come out much stronger, loving, and at peace with life than ever before. You will find Knowledge about Nature, about God/Essence, or how ever you like to call that which is in All.
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Now, one other thing. When reading this post, actually when reading any piece of information, beware. One of the causes of DP is excess information. I believe DP sufferers are persons who are obsessed with knowledge. We want to know all and we want to know it now. We live in an Information Age. Information on the net abounds. But it is too much. In order to transform Information to Knowledge/Wisdom, one needs to meditate on a given piece of information, to think about it, to break it down, to digest it. When the amount of information you take in your mind exceeds your processing skills, you end up with confussion, and worsen DP. So, take it easy, stop reading so much stuff out there. The answer really lies within. Stay away from google and wikipedia. Please.
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So, many may know the works of writers such as Goethe or Dante. In Dante's Divina Comedia, the main character Descends to Hell, passes through Purgatory, and then enters the realm of Heavens. So, here I will not try to enforce my Idealistic views. If you have a materialistic view (where matter creates mind), then just try to see these 'Realms' as states of mind.
In Goethe's Faust, the main character is a doctor who knows about everything, has read everything there is to read, but is still unsatisfied. So he decides to make a deal with the devil, who guides him through hell and through the spirit world. Faust comes out of this trip with Mystical Knowledge, with Gnosis of God/Infinity, etc. Goethe himself was an alchemist. Also, works of Hesse, and many other Genuises of mankinds History talk of similar voyages into the Unknown, coming out victorious.

It is my belief that DP is an invitation to undertake such journey, It is an invitation to go through the depths of the Unconscious, to go to the root of your Being, and uncover the wonders of your Self, of Life, of Mind. Again, many see this as an activation of different nervous complexes in the spine (so called chakras), certain glands (pineal, pituitary), etc.

In Argentina they did some blood tests and found very high DMT levels. They say DMT is the spirit molecule. so whatever. molecules, spirit, mind, matter. Whatever you feel safe working with, all in all it comes down to one thing: Well-Being. Do you want to Suffer? or do you want to feel good? do you want hell or heaven?

So this is my story, how I descended into Darkness and came out victorious. I do not claim this to be universal, or a cure-for all method. This served me. I hope it helps you.

*Chapter 1: The Tower Falls*










So, moving to London, I began to go to Psy trance parties where I would take things like LSD, MDMA, ketamine, 2-CI. Mainly the first two. Also smoked a lot of weed (skunk), and Salvia Divinorum. My first Ego-shattering experiences were with Salvia, though after the short trips I would come back to normal. I did insert the fear of the possibilty of my non-being. Trips with Salvia were usually in the form of some-thing ripping my reality field appart and showing me that it was made of some people i dubbed 'Salvia people'







which were in control of my reality, that they built and orchestrated my reality. And not only that, i realized I was just one of them, one in a sea of billion persons that formed the matrix of the reality i took as being Me. So, you can imagine i was quite shocked to say the least =d

Then, most trips with psychedelics, including a heavenly shroom trip in amsterdam, were blissful. So much beauty, so much love ,colours ,nature... peace. yay. 
but chacha chaaaaan.. Chaos had a secret plan to overthrow my sense of reality and cause my descent into Hell.

*Chapter 2: Descent into Hell*










Ok, so, started having very, very bad trips, specially with LSD. Being trapped in time-loops, seeing evil-grotesque faces at parties, feeling a lot of fear, losing grip on reality and slowly losing grip on identity. Started asking the real questions. What the f**k is this? Who am I? what is going om. On, not ommm, that would have been nicer haha








Nightmares began. Dreams in which i would totally lose it, very , very vivid dreams, more real than reality it seemed. I would go totally insane, dream within a dream, madness, the devil, and your usual daimons. Also started with sleep paralysis. would wake up, fully awake and conscious, but body still paralyzed. In these states I would sense (even touch) an evil entity who would do its best to sink into my body and try steal my soul. It would appear every time, same entity. All I could do, being a science student, is tell myself that this were just hallucinations, and my brain chemistry was playing tricks on me. Also at the time was doing a course on evolution, so very materialistic minded. which was good, to some extent. The idea of being mere atoms, a random product of causal, impersonal laws of nature was a bit depressing to say the least, and added a lot of meaninglessness to my life, and hopelessness. I was scared of my own body, of my animal nature, of evolution. Of nothing-ness. of my life having no meaning, no purpose.

At the same time i stumbled upon philosophies such as Buddhism, with their so called Anatta (No- Self) doctrine. All is good, let go of Self, embrace the void. Also books like The power of Now by Eckart Tollie. Feelings are Ego, Ego is bad... well, you can probably figure out were this ended up taking me: Depersonalization. Total loss of self, fear of self, fear of Punishment for wanting to be mySelf. Also was starting to be very aware, maybe too much, about current world situations, environmentally, and politically. Was specially paranoid about things like New World, Order, Iluminati, and general mob behaviour (If you dont know about Nwo and Iluminatis please do not even bother reading about it, it will just add to the paranoia. People just started to really scare me. Paranoia settled in. By the time I got back to Argentina, this were some of my symptoms








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- Fear of going insane, of totally losing grip of reality
-Fear of being in some kind of metaphysical trap, desinged by some Evil god (The Trickster), and Fear of being trapped in Samsara (cycle of birth and rebirth a exposed by Buddhist doctrine). Fear of being in some kind of Myth, and like Prometheus being trapped in a cycle of torture. Fear of everything being staged, like a Metaphysical Theater with no way out, fear of being in a perpetual tragedy. Fear of even if I improve, falling from grace, and descending back to Hell in an endless cycle.

-Feeling of a shattered mind, feeling of total dissociation, alienation from self, body, sensory perceptions
-Fear of my field of vision. Accentuated, bright, paste-like colours, metal-like colours, cities were abominable, people were ugly. everything was grotesque
-Fear of images in mind's eye. Fear of its randomness and chaos
-Fear of my random thoughts

-Total non-sense, utter non-sense, no meaning, totally lost, hopeless. 
-Despair, Anguish
-Fear of Pleasure, Guilt. Fear of punishment for seeking happiness, for seeking Self
- Mental Fog, no concentration, couldnt follow conversations. Fatigue

-Digestive disorders
-Alienation from food, loss of apetite

-tension in all body, specially shoulders, necks, crown
-Feeling of my left and right parts of body being somehow separate, my left being ill, sick.
-Feeling of non-connection between upper and lower parts of body

-Reduced libido

- Social anxiety sometiems precipitating in full-on panick attacks. Feeling people were extrmely weird. Not understanding people, how they take reality for granted.

- Very irritable. Hated silly, petty talk

- Shallow breath

- Constant and unbearable anxiety

- Fear of having a tumor or some serious physical disorder
- Fear of starting to hear voices

- Almost no feelings at all, and when feelings appeared, feelings of shame, feelings of regret, anguish, pain, nostalgia. Feeling like i would never be myself again, feeling that i destroyed my life. Fear that i will never know happiness or peace of mind again.

- Fear of Consequences of every action I did. Fear of even breathing deeply because of what it implies (wanting to be, enjoy sensualy)

- Fear of being some kind of Hero/having a special place in History. Fear of public exposure

- Panick attacks when laughing
- Panick when saying goodbye to friends, and when emotional contact was supposed to be happening (hugs, etc)

- Addiction to information. Endless hours looking for information on internet, existencial, medical, etc

- Solitude, isolation

- Total, overwhelming paranoia

- Fear of doing something stupid, like jumping from window, hurting someone

- Fear of Soul being stolen from me by demon, Fear of having had Black Magic thrown on me

- Completely lost the plot, lost my personality, my identity, sense of self, my past seemed not mine. complete detachment from life. Spent all the time, 24/7 inside my mind, thinking.

- Obsessive and endless loop-like ruminations about existential issues that lead nowhere and burnt my mind, left me completely shattered
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Well. to sum up: Hell







meep

*Chapter 3: A glimpse of Hope (Cultivating the right attitude)*










Ok, so how did I get myself out of this mess?

*- Part I: The Coward*

The first step in my beginning my recovery was the realization of a very harsh reality.
This certain day, I was lost in my usual ruminations, anxiety, phobias, paranoia, worries, laying down in bed, hopeless, lost, anguished. Pathetic. Wow. That word came to my mind. I am pathetic. I am a coward. I am a little kid. I am afraid of everything. I say I love humanity and care for it, but i dont even dare to love my family and friends, least of all myself. I worry about the consequences of my actions to the point of inactivity, I dare not live. I am afraid of living. It is not that i lost my soul. I am afraid of having a soul. I am afraid of Being. I am afraid of my feelings and that is why I have completely blocked them. I am pathetic. Love is all I want but I dare not open my heart. I go to the psychiatrist, do stupid exercises, read about Buddhism and hope for total annihilation of my Being, spiritual suicidal, nothingness. I despise my self. I am a coward. I worry about the most stupidest of things, I am so ashamed of having brought this to me that I can not even forgive myself, because I have such a high image of myself. And out of pride I do not come to terms with my situation. I am desperate to be myself again but I am so paralyzed by fear and shocked by my current situation that I can not even start to pull my s**t together and do something about it. Then I had to ask myself: Do you want your soul back? Yes. Then fight for it!

Well, that day saved my life.

*- Part II: The Hero*

So I decided to take things into my own hands. And this is something all of you here should know: NO-one is going to get you out of this hole. Not the psychiatrist, not your parents, not Buddha. NO-one. Only yourself. you can't deny that you are still there. You cant deny the subjectivity of your experience. If Self was really gone, why do you still have a subjective experience of reality? Why do you come to this forum. Because there is still a part of you that wants to be, wants to regain health, wants to regain peace. You have to turn that fragment of Self from coward into hero. You have to be your own hero. You are the hero of your story, you have to trust yourself! there is a wisdom inside you that really knows what to do, already knows how to go through this.

So first step.. if you are a man... get your f**king balls re-attached and get ready to give the fight of your life. If you're a woman, same minus the balls thingy







. You are a Warrior (also girls, you are an Amazon Warrior







), you are fearless, you are invincible. You are a Prince/Princess, you are a Priest/Priestess, you are the Child-Hero, you Know. Go after your Destiny, go deep within and claim your soul back. Stop identifying with the Victim. Time to play with a new toy: the Archetype of the hero. Now its all about trust in yourself. You can do it. You can navigate your way out of this condition. You do that through meditation, insight, perseverance, acceptance, intuition, wisdom.

*How does this mental attitude translates to reality:

-No more compulsive worrying. Instead of worrying, start doing something about it. worrying does not prevent anything from happen, and definitely does not make things happen. So, ok. you want to get better. By doing things that will help you in that direction, you can stop worrying so much because, you are already taking care of the situation, and you trust that everything will turn out fine.
- No more looking for answers out there. From now on, you are your own guide, you are your own Buddha. Only you will tell yourself what is right and what is wrong, what brings you closer to happiness and what brings you closer to suffering.*

So, these are some of the things I started doing and I recommend.

- *Doing Yoga Daily.*
Getting grounded in body is one of the most important things for recovery, if not the most. Dont worry I will post threads for each one of this points.

- *Change in Diet*: No alcohol, no drugs, no caffeine, no meat, no dairy, no gluten, no sweets. Vitamins, minerals, supplements. Do not do this change drastically. How you eat is actually more important than what you eat (more about that later). But also, making little gestures like, quiting alcohol, or smoking, increase self-respect and will-power. Then you can start re-incorporating foods gradually and see for yourself what effect they have on you.

- *Daily excersice - Work-out* Swimming is good for improving shallow breath. Work out just makes you feel stronger and help with the fear, and empowers your atitude.

- *Daily meditation.* Now, meditation is not about detaching, or simply observing breath. A meditative practice is one that involves insight, it is about trying to figure things out on ones own. It is about observation, acceptance, truth. I will post some techniques I found useful.

EDIT: here they are: http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27222-meditative-techniques-that-helped-me-out/#entry229133

- *Possitive Attitude* I know, it sucks. You lost yourself. What could be worse. You might regret smoking that joint, taking that LSD. You might blame it on yourself. You might feel shame, guilt. Time to let go and move on. Forget also about pride. Pride and shame are one and same. Be humble. But hopeful. Have faith in you.

- *Daily walks.* (Isolation, computer screens, work wonders in frying your brain. Get out, get some fresh air, get new stimuli). This is imperative. If you cant be bothered with excersice, at least take some daily walks. it freshens your mind and lowers ruminations.

- *Literally improving your posture *(When mind collapses, so does body, I had scoliosis and cifosis and other spine problems). Think about the metaphor of your posture. You need to stand straight, sit straight, spine aligned. You do not bend over. There is something called RPG which really helped me with this.

- *Keeping a journal*. Many DP sufferers say their DP is 24/7, however if you keep track of it, you will realize the degree of detachment fluctuates. You may even surprise yourself having a feeling! What triggered that feeling? write it down, etc

- *Establishing a ROUTINE. *This is very, very important. While on DP your mind is so foggy, that every moment you have of leisure you use it to think and think and worry. You do not know what to do. Ok, so, gather your mind for once, and write down a routine, including meditations, excersices, time for drawing, writing, etc

- *Draw, write. express yourself!* this is the time were you stop avoiding yourself and start asking the real questions. Be honest to yourself

- *Seek inspiration * Who are your heores? Ghandi, Bob Marley =P , Einstein? Put some posters up. A picture of something beautiful, anything.

- *Keep a Healthy Humor*. Try to laugh a bit, to loosen up. I still could get some laughs out of things like The Simpsons, Southpark, Family Guy, Tom & Jerry, Bugs Bunny.

- *Make your room cosier*. Make yourself feel more at home. We repress feelings because we feel feelings are dangerous, that if you start feeling sadness, love, etc, you are at risk. So having a little love nest somewhere where you feel safe to just be and relax and be honest with yourself is really nice. Put up drawing you made on the wall, put on some candles, incense. Re-decorate. Time to start new.

-*MUSIC. Music is KEY*. Music has the ability to pierce through your mental fog and reach out to your feelings. Music + meditation is the best combination if you want to start feeling again. BUT, here is the trick. You need *NEW* music. Get rid of your old music. I remember I would always play Red hot, pink floyd, etc. And all i could feel was frustration because i would compare how that song made me feel before with what it made me feel now. Which depresses me even further. seek new, emotional music. I will post some recommendations later on.

EDIT: in this thread I included a meditation with music, and name a couple of artists that I used for same: 
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27222-meditative-techniques-that-helped-me-out/#entry229133

- *Sunbathing* (again, think about the metaphor of the things you are doing)

If you fall, you get back up and go on. You persevere. You have a firm intention.your intention is to recover your health, to find yourself again. *You are a warrior fighting for your soul*. _That_ is the right attitude.

- *RETREAT* (all this was preparation for a retreat. you want to connect to your Self? Try connecting to Nature. Travel to somewhere beautiful. The mountains, the forest. The sea. There, continue with your practice. If you travel with friends, make sure they are very close friends. Otherwise travel alone, this is a time to figure things out) Most psychiatrist will try to encourage hanging out with friends, etc. I believe this is a time to be on your own. But being on your own doesnt mean isolation. Travel, take walks, do stuff in nature, in open air, talk to people on the streets, make new friends. Also hang out with your friends and family, but make sure you have your private space and time were you can be on your own. get away from the computer, from books, and try to figure it out by yourself. start spending some quality time with yourself.

Now, before I go on, I want to mention something very important. The last things I have been talking about, the Hero, dealing with the coward in you, etc. It sounds very harsh. But it is necesary. You need to develop your strong masculine side (regardless of your biological sex) in order to gather the strength and will power to get you out of this state. You really need to get that firm attitude if you want to heal...

*Now (taking a deep breath, *sigh*), lets talk about the other side of the coin: The feminine attitude. yay! girls *








ok. so.. I think one of the problems with people with DP is that we are very harsh on our selves. We demand much of us. We are impatient. We dont respect our rythms. But inside us there is a very vulnerable being, which is feminine in nature, it is gentle, sensitive, loving, it is afraid. It needs love, it needs affection, patience. You have to tell yourself that everything is going to be just fine. Try to relax a bit, dont be so tense. Just take it easy. Take care of yourself, be nice, be gentle. Try to not see everything as a Disease or some f**ked up task you need to do, see it as a game. Try to recover your sensuality. Trust me it is still there. Be more playful, have a sense of humor. You dont have to prove anything to anyone, not even to yourself. Its ok to just be. What do you want for your life? you want success, being important, exceeding in some area. Or do you want to be happy? Do you want to fall in love? Do you want to form a family? Do you want to be at peace with who you are, with your sexuality, with your desires, with your heart. Do you want to be free? let yourself free, free from the tirant in you that tells you what is right and what wrong. There is nothing wrong in you. You are a beautiful person, full of love. You are just afraid. There is nothing wrong and shameful in being afraid, about being vulnerable. We all are. We just happen to be more sensitive. But dont worry, try to open up to your self, be nice, be gentle. Gaining back one's soul is mostly about sexuality. How are your male and female sides balanced? We live in a society were male dominates and feminine is seen as weak. This shows on how we treat nature. The female in us is supressed and ravaged, and she is hopeless, vulnerable. And there she lies, suffering, waiting to be loved. It all really does boil down to love. Accept yourself, accept the present moment, accept the unknown. And open up to Love, open up to caring without worrying. You are beautiful, so full of light, this is an invitation to let that light shine, to gain back the light in your eyes. The process of overcoming DP is one of cleansing the waters of our soul, of our sexuality, so that we can see the Shining Self behind those waters, we can see that which is eternal, perfect, so vulnerable and yet so strong, full of wisdom, full of love. Let go of fear.

*Chapter 4: Purgatory*
Well im kind of tired







hehe but will keep writing tomorrow.

In the meantime, one last thought: Dont be afraid to start a new life. A new you. Sometimes to find your Self you need to let go of your self.

And, this particular song really really also saved my life:

This are the lyrics, you can listen to it on Grooveshark.com i think.

I like the 'Live at Stubbs' version
*Warrior - Matisyahu*

_You're the son of his majesty
Remember how it used to be
In the light of day it's easy to see
Now it's nighttime
You had to leave

Separated from the king
Now the water's rushing and you keep trying to swim against the stream
And it seems, like your not moving the many water's gushing you gasp for air
Almost drowning ears ringing, once upon a time we were singing
One day the trees will stand and clap hands
Stream of thought getting caught in the klipa, this place is just a shell, external
Egos swell, that one'll burn ya, we fell a long way down, that eternal frown'll get you
You look vexed it's the dregs, the yetzer hara's lurking
Trying to make you forget we got a job to do
You're a priest and a prince and you can't be moved

You're a warrior, Fighting for your soul
Taken from a world above, and brought down to a world below
Re-unite them,re-unite them, return the princess to the king,
Re-unite them, re-unite them, she's been taken for so long
Re-unite them, re-unite them, and then she'll be filled with joy
Re-united, re-united like the days of her youth

Descended to the pit
What's this feeling can't get rid of it
Soul sick
Can't seem to shake it
When one retires at night weeping, joy will come in the morning
You made my mountain stand strong

You're a warrior, Fighting for your soul
Taken from a world above, and brought down to a world below
Re-unite them,re-unite them, return the princess to the king,
Re-unite them, re-unite them, she's been taken for so long
Re-unite them, re-unite them, and then she'll be filled with joy
Re-united, re-united like the days of her youth

Just like and ancient memory
Remember how it used to be
Close your eyes and breath in
That's the scent of freedom
Ringing up across the sea
Land of milk and honey
One day will wake up from this dream and we'll stop sleeping,
Oh, then we'll see clearly

Say You're a warrior, Fighting for your soul
Taken from a world above, and brought down to a world below
Re-unite them,re-unite them, return the princess to the king,
Re-unite them, re-unite them, she's been taken for so long
Re-unite them, re-unite them, and then she'll be filled with joy
Re-united, re-united like the days of her youth_

Wow. I love it. Hope you liked it.

Much Love, from the bottom of my heart. May you all be happy, beautiful bunnies with a golden Egg (Self)










yay! haha look he's like, waiting for a hug with his arms open haha! =p oh well... i have a lot of free time as you might have noticed









EDIT: Here is the continuation of this thread! I started a new one cause... i ran out of emoticons with this one haha. Also too long.

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27229-dp-sexuality-and-morality/

hope it helps! i d appreciate some feedback.

love

Abraxas


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## Beth

Really enjoyed reading this, cheers.

I've sometimes found it really helpful reading Dante, Eliade, Campbell and Larsen etc. on death and shamanic voyages and myth. And sometimes I've found it's just another thing to fixate on. But yeah, if you make it about actually doing, not just reading, then good stuff.


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## Abraxas

Beth said:


> Really enjoyed reading this, cheers.
> 
> I've sometimes found it really helpful reading Dante, Eliade, Campbell and Larsen etc. on death and shamanic voyages and myth. And sometimes I've found it's just another thing to fixate on. But yeah, if you make it about actually doing, not just reading, then good stuff.


Hi Beth, thanks for your comment!.. good to know that at least one person found the post useful









I will write a bit more about the living the myth as a powerful tool of healing. The myth is alive, I dare say even more real than the physical world. Carl Jung really saved my life in that sense. However, the Unconscious, the realm of Myth, Archetypes, Primordial Images, etc... is not to be taken lightly. Madness can result if one lets the Unconscious 'flood' the ego-consciousness. One has to stand firm against the currents of Myth and claim your right for your Soul and your *individuality*. This is why Jung called the process 'Individuation'. If one undertakes this journey and comes out the other way victorious, not only will he/she have cleansed the waters of his/her soul, but he/she will find Self beyond self, the Dreamer as it may. I know this is a bit scary for us, having been brought up in a materialistic society, where spirituality is seen as some sort of psychosis.

For me DP is hitting rock bottom, it is root chakra consciousness, where survival, and individuality are a constant struggle. The healing process starts by gaining control of fear and chanelling fear into different kinds of emotions, in an alchemical/psychological process that converts this primal fear into sexuality(Sacral Chakra). This process cleanses the waters of Soul and allows you to see through darkness and chaos and recognize Self, the Being which is always at peace and in harmony, that which is the Sun (Solar Plexus Chakra). So basically just by learning how to transform low emotions such as fear, hate, rage, etc into sexual energy, one raises the 'kundalini serpent' (or libido in psychological terms), which goes up the sacral (sensual) and into the Light of Self (Solar). All this is done under the guidance and protection of the Heart Chakra = Love. Only for love does one dare confront his/her fear. Only for love does one accept sexuality and sets libido free. Only for love does one look into the Sun (Self) without fear of going blind. Only through Love does Truth prevail.

For those who are not comfortable with Mystic/Spiritual language, you can see it as different parts, bundles/complexes in the nervous system, going from the root of the spine (root chakra) to the pituitary gland (Third eye chakra). The alchemical process is one of awakening this intelligence centers. There is much research going on about the brain not being the only conscious organ. Actually if you think about it, the Brain is not something separate from the rest of the Nervous System. It is the entire nervous system which is conscious, some parts deal with different kinds of consciousness, but no need to place so much importance to brain, and definitely not to rationality/thoughts, as this is just a TOOL, not I, not Self. The enteric nervous system (A nervous bundle/complex in the Gut, dubbed 'the second brain', for me its the solar plexus... which is what has been shut in DP, the Self) is drawing much attention as a main storage of emotional memories and also producer of 90% bodys serotonin, which plays a major role in mental states and well-being. The pituitary gland is known to produce among many other things, the neurotransmitter DMT, which some call, the spirit-molecule (hence third eye), for some it may be an actual opening of an eye that sees the spirit world, God, For others it is just a hallucination caused by DMT. I believe the former. But in the end its the same thing, different languages. Work with what you feel better.
Also some research in the heart having some kind of consciousness. check it out.

I will post some techniques on how to activate and manipulate this sexual energy for the purpose of healing, ranging from easy to advanced, and leave out the really strong ones for people who directly ask me for them, at own risk.







haha i love drama.

Love,

Abraxas


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## christy

thanks so much for this post and all your effort into writing it. especially liked the following tips. i keep feeling like i gotta pull myself out of this dark hole and TRY something different, especially since what i'm currently doing (obviously) isn't working.

anyway, thanks once again, you really are an inspiration. it's so great to read a recovery story.



Abraxas said:


> -No more compulsive worrying. Instead of worrying, start doing something about it. worrying does not prevent anything from happen, and definitely does not make things happen. So, ok. you want to get better. By doing things that will help you in that direction, you can stop worrying so much because, you are already taking care of the situation, and you trust that everything will turn out fine.
> - No more looking for answers out there. From now on, you are your own guide, you are your own Buddha. Only you will tell yourself what is right and what is wrong, what brings you closer to happiness and what brings you closer to suffering.[/b]
> 
> So, these are some of the things I started doing and I recommend.
> 
> - *Doing Yoga Daily.*
> Getting grounded in body is one of the most important things for recovery, if not the most. Dont worry I will post threads for each one of this points.
> 
> - *Change in Diet*: No alcohol, no drugs, no caffeine, no meat, no dairy, no gluten, no sweets. Vitamins, minerals, supplements. Do not do this change drastically. How you eat is actually more important than what you eat (more about that later). But also, making little gestures like, quiting alcohol, or smoking, increase self-respect and will-power. Then you can start re-incorporating foods gradually and see for yourself what effect they have on you.
> 
> - *Daily excersice - Work-out* Swimming is good for improving shallow breath. Work out just makes you feel stronger and help with the fear, and empowers your atitude.
> 
> - *Daily meditation.* Now, meditation is not about detaching, or simply observing breath. A meditative practice is one that involves insight, it is about trying to figure things out on ones own. It is about observation, acceptance, truth. I will post some techniques I found useful.
> 
> - *Possitive Attitude* I know, it sucks. You lost yourself. What could be worse. You might regret smoking that joint, taking that LSD. You might blame it on yourself. You might feel shame, guilt. Time to let go and move on. Forget also about pride. Pride and shame are one and same. Be humble. But hopeful. Have faith in you.
> 
> - *Daily walks.* (Isolation, computer screens, work wonders in frying your brain. Get out, get some fresh air, get new stimuli). This is imperative. If you cant be bothered with excersice, at least take some daily walks. it freshens your mind and lowers ruminations.
> 
> - *Literally improving your posture *(When mind collapses, so does body, I had scoliosis and cifosis and other spine problems). Think about the metaphor of your posture. You need to stand straight, sit straight, spine aligned. You do not bend over. There is something called RPG which really helped me with this.
> 
> - *Keeping a journal*. Many DP sufferers say their DP is 24/7, however if you keep track of it, you will realize the degree of detachment fluctuates. You may even surprise yourself having a feeling! What triggered that feeling? write it down, etc
> 
> - *Establishing a ROUTINE. *This is very, very important. While on DP your mind is so foggy, that every moment you have of leisure you use it to think and think and worry. You do not know what to do. Ok, so, gather your mind for once, and write down a routine, including meditations, excersices, time for drawing, writing, etc
> 
> - *Draw, write. express yourself!* this is the time were you stop avoiding yourself and start asking the real questions. Be honest to yourself
> 
> - *Seek inspiration * Who are your heores? Ghandi, Bob Marley =P , Einstein? Put some posters up. A picture of something beautiful, anything.
> 
> - *Keep a Healthy Humor*. Try to laugh a bit, to loosen up. I still could get some laughs out of things like The Simpsons, Southpark, Family Guy, Tom & Jerry, Bugs Bunny.
> 
> - *Make your room cosier*. Make yourself feel more at home. We repress feelings because we feel feelings are dangerous, that if you start feeling sadness, love, etc, you are at risk. So having a little love nest somewhere where you feel safe to just be and relax and be honest with yourself is really nice. Put up drawing you made on the wall, put on some candles, incense. Re-decorate. Time to start new.
> 
> -*MUSIC. Music is KEY*. Music has the ability to pierce through your mental fog and reach out to your feelings. Music + meditation is the best combination if you want to start feeling again. BUT, here is the trick. You need *NEW* music. Get rid of your old music. I remember I would always play Red hot, pink floyd, etc. And all i could feel was frustration because i would compare how that song made me feel before with what it made me feel now. Which depresses me even further. seek new, emotional music. I will post some recommendations later on.
> 
> - *Sunbathing* (again, think about the metaphor of the things you are doing)
> 
> If you fall, you get back up and go on. You persevere. You have a firm intention.your intention is to recover your health, to find yourself again. *You are a warrior fighting for your soul*. _That_ is the right attitude.
> 
> - *RETREAT* (all this was preparation for a retreat. you want to connect to your Self? Try connecting to Nature. Travel to somewhere beautiful. The mountains, the forest. The sea. There, continue with your practice. If you travel with friends, make sure they are very close friends. Otherwise travel alone, this is a time to figure things out) Most psychiatrist will try to encourage hanging out with friends, etc. I believe this is a time to be on your own. But being on your own doesnt mean isolation. Travel, take walks, do stuff in nature, in open air, talk to people on the streets, make new friends. Also hang out with your friends and family, but make sure you have your private space and time were you can be on your own. get away from the computer, from books, and try to figure it out by yourself. start spending some quality time with yourself.
> 
> Now, before I go on, I want to mention something very important. The last things I have been talking about, the Hero, dealing with the coward in you, etc. It sounds very harsh. But it is necesary. You need to develop your strong masculine side (regardless of your biological sex) in order to gather the strength and will power to get you out of this state. You really need to get that firm attitude if you want to heal...


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## babybowrain

This was the best recovery post I read!
If I can add a few things...
I believe if you are female you should focus more on figuring out what your animus looks like (your male side/perfect male) and whether he is kind to you and others, and also connecting with your feminine side which may be repressed due to society. I don't mean to be sexist, this may help men too, but I just know this is something that would help me, as a female.


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## Abraxas

Hey guys, glad you enjoyed and found it to be of help.

Yes babybowrain, thank you for your input. I will continue to write in a second thread and i will do my best to summarize Jungs psychology and how it applies to DP. For the actual sexual/sensual relation between woman and Animus, maybe you can write me telling me a bit about it so i can quote you in my thread?

love

Abraxas


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## diamonds&rust

My symptoms have been overall very similar to what you described, Abraxas. I also noticed that I've done many of the things you listed here as useful in recovery, and they have helped me. The part about masculinity and femininity was interesting too with what happens to the lower chakras. For years I used to believe that I have to become tougher in order to overcome my symptoms, which I took as signs of fragility. Then I hit a dead end in my project, but my personality was creative enough to introduce an alter, who taught me about femininity.








I still have some of those symptoms, especially bodily and social ones, but I'm working on them. I think in some respects I've progressed a long way already, and some others not so much yet.


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## Abraxas

diamonds&rust said:


> My symptoms have been overall very similar to what you described, Abraxas. I also noticed that I've done many of the things you listed here as useful in recovery, and they have helped me. The part about masculinity and femininity was interesting too with what happens to the lower chakras. For years I used to believe that I have to become tougher in order to overcome my symptoms, which I took as signs of fragility. Then I hit a dead end in my project, but my personality was creative enough to introduce an alter, who taught me about femininity.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I still have some of those symptoms, especially bodily and social ones, but I'm working on them. I think in some respects I've progressed a long way already, and some others not so much yet.


for body symptoms, try that link with the meditation techniques see if you find any of those helpful.

yeah well you do really need to balance out the tough/hero/warrior attitude with the more feminine/patient/nurturing one. I also at some point created a Mother figure for myself in order to guide me through that more feminine part of my psyche.


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## Abraxas

Update: well after I thought it was all done.. I started experiencing a lot of synchronicities... they were sometimes positive and sometimes negative in their content.

After two years of constant synchronicities everyday, I fell into a psychosis.

Now im with a treatment of orthomolecular medicine, and I feel 99% normal.. I still get some mild symptoms that dont actually fall in any category... definitely my DP and psychosis are both gone.

Anyway, hope you all get better, I feel for you.. keep trying , there's shamanism, there's orthomolecular medicine, and Im sure there's plenty of alternative medicines out there. Just take a chance and never give up.. even if you ve had it for many years... dont accept it as your reality.

Take care,

Ab.


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## ScottKnobs

My biggest fear is becoming psychotic. Do you feel like going into a description of what that felt like for you? I'm worried I'm on my way there


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## mind.divided

Cool


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