# Why I'm Here and What I Wish to Achieve



## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

Unfortunately, there are several, if not countless - threads that are opened aimed to gain some insight regarding some aspect of a persons recovery, that are bombarded by countless conflicting opinions being rendered in a very disdainful manner, due to the extent of someones hatred for someone else, because of this persons behavior. This is very unfortunate because, upon reading over countless opinions, the person who has DP will feel that they are being misled - due to the conflicting views of the other person. Of course ultimately it is the decision the individual makes on what kind of advice he/she chooses to adopt and incorperate into his/her recovery. But let's get one thing straight.

This is not a popularity contest.

There are several members here who have resided on this forum for many years. This does not make them better than you, and you should not allow anyone to undermine or belittle your information. If the information suits you, then by all means, use it and share it for the betterment of the community. But do not by any means attempt to shove your belief down someone elses throat. Because what works for you, may not work for someone else. It is ultimately YOUR opinion. Once you share this opinion, you have served your purpose in attempting to help someone, and if they wish to accept that piece of advice is entirely on them and not you. You have fulfilled your deed and nothing more is required of you.

The reason why everyone is here is to get over depersonalization and aid others in their recovery. This is why I am here. I am not here to engage in disputes with other individuals over their methods of integration, nor am I here to shove advice down peoples throats. I am simply sharing what is helping me thus far, and rather YOU choose to accept my advice is up to YOU. I take no responsibility in the decisions YOU make. There are of course others who will offer more helpful advice. Good. A lot of the members on this website have helped more than others and I am thankful for that. But still, you should ultimately try and help others the best you can. Sometimes, it is very tempting to call someone out on their BS, or disagree with them, but it does not serve the greater purpose. I can recall plenty of times I have gotten pissed over something someone has said and ignored it because if that advice worked for them, so be it. I could in fact be wrong in my judgement. Either way, I am here to help you and help myself.

I want everyone to get over this horrible condition, I want to learn more about what I'm going through, what kind of insight I could share with the community. Arguing over something pointless is just ridiculous and helps no one.


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## Guest (Oct 13, 2013)

Word


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Well said!! I completely agree with u


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

This forum is about being supportive, that means accepting individuality, different recovery methods, what is working for someone, praising progress, not being attacked or degraded for making a post about how u feel or if today ur unhappy with DP etc recovery is a unique and individual process, people have different personalities and need to take different approaches. And of course respecting differing opinions.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

Exactly. Everyone should feel respected, equal, and comfortable. The point is, many of us are still suffering from DP. We obviously have this in common. People who suffer from the same thing should not resent or ridicule other people who suffer from the same thing knowing the kind of hell they are going through. A large portion of members are dependent on the advice of others on this forum. We make a huge difference to new members and help them understand their disorder, knowing they are not alone.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless said:


> Disagree. When I see someone trying to convince sufferers about some bullshit, I'll tell it like it is. There are cowards on here who were never brave enough to face their issues, convinced themselves that they are suffering from "brain dysfunction" or "chemical imbalance", and they are pushing this mentality onto others so they are not alone. I still suffer, so you should too! Don't dare to do something I wasn't brave enough to do, because that'd make me realize how a loser I am!
> 
> And these people say they try to SAVE others FROM ME.
> 
> Supporting someone's dysfunctional thinking is supporting his DP.


Get over urself seriously...don't dare to call people cowards just because they have dp, everyone is entitled to post whatever the fuck they want on here if they having a bad day let them post about it, if they having a good day let them post that without ur stupid remarks. If people want ur help they will ask u but that doesn't give u the right to jam ur shit down there throats. No one is trying to save anyone from u so get that out of ur head.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

interesting.........


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

SolomonOrlando said:


> I'm not taking anyone's side here, just merely stating my opinion:
> 
> You're right - if people have a bad day, they can come here to vent. I do it all the time, hell, most users on here do it all the time. You also have to realize, though, that the second you put your "bad day" up on the forums, it is open to interpretation unless stated otherwise. So, giving advice is usually what people come here to do, while the people who post their "bad days" come here to learn how to fix it. I believe it would get incredibly irritating to see the same posts about the same problem after that user has been given advice multiple times on how to fix it, yet they only have enough motivation to feel okay in their situation and not actually fix it.
> 
> ...


We'll the point I was getting at is that people can post whatever they want and everyone's input is valuable. I doubt many people complain regularly anyway it usually is on the occasion, but when and if they do they simply need support to lift there spirit to keep going. I personally haven't noticed it much tho.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

SolomonOrlando said:


> If everyone's input is valuable, then why're you condemning Fearless because of the way that he gives advice? People are free to pick and choose what they'd like to consider.


Mayb u shud read what I wrote again...he is calling people cowards and dissing ppl


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

SolomonOrlando said:


> Yes, but the original aspect of this entire thread was to discredit his advice because he was too blunt and straight-forward.


We'll I wasn't entirely speaking about the whole post...it's not about discrediting his advice, it's about his mannerism and commenting on everyone else telling them how wrong they are it's not right. Recovery is different for every single person because every single person on here is different and has different histories plus he gives advice even when it's not warranted. There are so many other different causes for DP then just the exact same thing. Many people have a completely different set of symptoms too, some don't even get panic attacks and some do. Some people require a gentle approach to recovery and taking small steps and others suit taking large steps. Do u see what I'm saying here


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Well I believe most people on here are smart enough to work it out for themselves I mean it's easy to find Harris Harrington on Google and it's also easy to look inside urself and know wats wrong


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## greenman (Oct 13, 2013)

Fearless you make some good points, sometimes you really do. But maybe if you went about it in a way that didn't make you look like such a dick, then people wouldn't think your such an a**hole that can only get off by posting pretentious bulls**t on these forums all day.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless said:


> With this post you've just admitted that calling someone a coward - even if he is one - in itself is a bad thing. Let's call a coward a hero so we all feel good. Until tomorrow morning, when we're gonna still feel DPd as fck. Great plan.
> 
> The greatest thing in life, is that everyone spends his/her time in the exact same way (s)he wishes, every day, every second.


You got no reason to call people cowards on this site and they certainly did not ask your opinion if u think they are cowards. There is no reason to even speak like that. Even calling a person a hero it's ridiculous


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

SolomonOrlando said:


> Yes, but the original aspect of this entire thread was to discredit his advice because he was too blunt and straight-forward.


Just because he is the source of such contention nowadays does not mean he is the cause of why this thread was opened. Personally, I don't give a shit about Fearless or what he has to say about anything beyond DP. His advice is fragmented and adopted from several other sources, so therefore, it isn't even really his advice. His opinions are built atop a foundation and it was what assisted him in recovering. Will it assist others? No. Just like I said in my original post. So when someone says, "You give some really good advice, Fearless" one should really consider where his own advice is coming in from.

Secondly, if you don't like someone in this forum, you should probably click the block button in order to make your life easier


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

Jurgen said:


> "You give some really good advice, Fearless" one should really consider where his own advice is coming in from.


That idea could be applied to every therapist you/we have ever seen in our lives. All their knowledge comes from a textbook and college degree, and after we go home to our anxious, fear filled lives, they go home and sip their expensive Pinot and watch Family Guy. Advice is advice, and if it aids you it doesn't matter where it comes from.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

Yes. Which is basically what I already said.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Exactly, Yosemitedome.

How a therapist interprets things is down to their own life experience. I've been horrible abused and messed up by therapists who haven't got over their own issues or are abusers themselves, or just very bad therapists.

The thing about a forum is that you can take or leave the advice. When you are in a therapists office, they are the one with power and you're pretty much obliged to do what they say. And it's very hard to realize if you are being abused or mistreated.

This is why I favour a DIY approach. Read books, watch youtube, talk to people. Abuse takes away so much power from you, take it back and rebuild yourself.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

How's your journey going violetgirl?


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## Guest (Oct 13, 2013)

I never liked the notion that opinions are some how free from criticism, unlike everything else in life. There is a such thing as a flawed, or even just bad, opinions, and the recommendation for encountering one is to either act like it has just as much merit as any other opinion, or simply ignore it. So, when we see someone who's convinced they have brain worms eating their vital nutrients (yes, I have seen this one come up) without any real evidence, we shouldn't try and correct that obviously flawed opinion? I see a lot of hobby artists, writers in particular, who are completely shutoff to any form of criticism, and they just stagnate; that doesn't just apply to hobbies, but peoples' view of the world as well. Without debate and criticism people aren't pushed to improve their existing ideas or develop new ones. Yes, people shouldn't be mean about it, which happens to often, but criticism and debate shouldn't be shut down under the flawed notion that all opinions are valuable.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

The last part is where you summed up the issue. Nobody should be mean about it.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

yosemitedome said:


> How's your journey going violetgirl?


I don't have DP any more, but I just check back every now and then.



Jurgen said:


> The last part is where you summed up the issue. Nobody should be mean about it.


This is it, exactly.

Calling people names and bullying them into facing their trauma is counterproductive, as if they did experience emotional and verbal abuse as a child and that is what's causing the DP, using the same type of abuse that they experienced, to get them to get over their trauma won't work. And will probably just retraumatise them.

You can be firm and assertive without resorting to verbal abuse and name calling.

I know that there are people on here who didn't 'just' suffer emotional abuse. There are sexual abuse and rape survivors on here, and judging people who cannot bear to remember what happened to them and process it, is vile. Don't make assumptions that DP just comes from emotional abuse.

Also, not all trauma comes from parents. Children can be abused by extended family members, neighbours, religion.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

violetgirl said:


> I don't have DP any more, but I just check back every now and then.


I long for those days to reach me hahaha.

Props to you girl!


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## Guest (Oct 13, 2013)

Fearless said:


> *Disagree. When I see someone trying to convince sufferers about some bullshit, I'll tell it like it is. There are cowards on here* who were never brave enough to face their issues, convinced themselves that they are suffering from "brain dysfunction" or "chemical imbalance", and they are pushing this mentality onto others so they are not alone. I still suffer, so you should too! Don't dare to do something I wasn't brave enough to do, because that'd make me realize how a loser I am!
> 
> And these people say they try to SAVE others FROM ME.
> 
> Supporting someone's dysfunctional thinking is supporting his DP.


You can disagree without shoving that sword in your avatar in front of everyone's face.

Successful communication doesn't require insulting others.

In fact that approach has been shown to decrease getting one's message across.


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## Guest (Oct 13, 2013)

There are more effective ways to show someone how to conquer the darkness than insult them.

Instead of calling someone a 'Coward' you could say something like:

"I know you are afraid, but take a good look at what you fear and it will dissipate like darkness in the light."

You don't yell at a child with a broken arm for crying.

The truth is dissociation is a terrifying malady to go through.

There is a justification for panic attacks and constant anxiety.

This is no walk in the graveyard at night...

...where you call your friend a 'Coward' if he doesn't do it.

No,* Dissociation is a serious condition* and having fear of it is a correct response...

...until one learns to deal with the horrifying experience *that it truly is.*


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

violetgirl said:


> I don't have DP any more, but I just check back every now and then.
> 
> This is it, exactly.
> 
> ...


We'll said voiletgirl and congratulations on ur recovery xxx


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless said:


> It's cool, but now you're in the unsolicited advice zone. I choose to be like this. I call cowards cowards. If I'm polite and nice, they'll intellectualize the sht out of the subject, and we end up where we started. These guys KNOW they are lying to themselves. They ain't stupid. They have an unlimited amount of weak excuses.
> 
> I'm about telling what I feel without censoring myself. People only get mad when you touch something painful, and painful subjects are the ones that cause and perpetuate DP.


Again it is wise only to give ur advice to those who ask for it, but I've seen the way u speak to ppl and quite frankly I think it's disgusting. Being straight up and direct is good but ur mannerism is terrible. Besides u only think that dp is panic and anxiety and ur so wrong many sufferers don't even have anxiety and still live normal lives. And stop with the intellectualizing thing it's getting old, there are many other intelligent ppl on here who can think for themselves.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

Fearless, concerning your last sentence, where you said "People only get mad when you touch something painful" through this, you are exemplifying abuse. It's like trying to poke a sleeping bear with a stick knowing you'll get eaten alive. There are other approaches to express how you feel and present advice, as I'm sure you know this. While I tend to side with you based on your advice to people, I do not agree with how forceful and brutish your approach is. It's almost like someone's dad saying "suck it up and be a man, or I'll kick your ass". It just simply doesn't work like that.


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## peanut butter (Nov 9, 2012)

missjess said:


> Again it is wise only to give ur advice to those who ask for it,


Sorry to interrupt, but we're in a dpselfhelp forum, it's only natural to assume people who still suffer are here to look for advice and if they're stuck on their own thought loops I don't see anything bad in giving some advice even if not asked.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

mmrrlla said:


> Sorry to interrupt, but we're in a dpselfhelp forum, it's only natural to assume people who still suffer are here to look for advice and if they're stuck on their own thought loops I don't see anything bad in giving some advice even if not asked.


We'll look if other ppl are ok with it then that's fine. If the mannerism changes he would be respected a lot more I think.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Jurgen said:


> Fearless, concerning your last sentence, where you said "People only get mad when you touch something painful" *through this, you are exemplifying abuse.* It's like trying to poke a sleeping bear with a stick knowing you'll get eaten alive. There are other approaches to express how you feel and present advice, as I'm sure you know this. While I tend to side with you based on your advice to people, I do not agree with how forceful and brutish your approach is. It's almost like someone's dad saying "suck it up and be a man, or I'll kick your ####". It just simply doesn't work like that.


The bit in bold is how I feel about how things have changed on here.

Some people on here are victims of sexual abuse. Some were threatened with death if they told anyone about the abuse. Some are rape victims. Some are victims of assault. Some could have had a mother who pushed them too hard to do their homework. It doesn't matter. People deserve the same respect.

It is not OK to go poking traumatised people hoping to wake some repressed emotion or memory. I honestly feel there is some pleasure in doing this and getting a reaction from people, because only someone lacking in empathy would treat people this way. It's all about power.

I know of people who've attempted suicide because they began to remember the horrific abuse from their childhood and couldn't cope. It's important to be feel safe and with coping mechanisms to deal with the change.

Again. It's not 'just' emotional abuse that causes DP. There are people with other disorders and types of abuse on here, and you have no idea what abuse people they gone through just from their posts on here.

There are other ways to get information on DP and abuse. Harris Harrington's programme is excellent and you can do it at whatever pace you like.

I would also recommend Mindfulness for experiencing and remembering trauma safely.

Be gentle and kind to each other!


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

violetgirl said:


> The bit in bold is how I feel about how things have changed on here.
> 
> Some people on here are victims of sexual abuse. Some were threatened with death if they told anyone about the abuse. Some are rape victims. Some are victims of assault. Some could have had a mother who pushed them too hard to do their homework. It doesn't matter. People deserve the same respect.
> 
> ...


I agree with this wholeheartedly.


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## Guest (Oct 13, 2013)

Fearless said:


> It's cool, but now you're in the unsolicited advice zone. I choose to be like this. I call cowards cowards. If I'm polite and nice, they'll intellectualize the sht out of the subject, and we end up where we started. These guys KNOW they are lying to themselves. They ain't stupid. They have an unlimited amount of weak excuses.
> 
> I'm about telling what I feel without censoring myself. People only get mad when you touch something painful, and painful subjects are the ones that cause and perpetuate DP.





ThoughtOnFire said:


> There are more effective ways to show someone how to conquer the darkness than insult them.
> 
> Instead of calling someone a 'Coward' you could say something like:
> 
> ...


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

Huggy Bear said:


> Shiiiiit, I finally remembered where I had seen Fearless before!


LMFAO.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Huggy Bear said:


> Shiiiiit, I finally remembered where I had seen Fearless before!


Banahahahahahahaha I could not stop laughing ...

I do believe this is suitable too: DISCIPLINE


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Hahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha YES


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## AlexFromPT (Jun 26, 2011)

Dissociation is so tricky you still do it today and don't know how, when, etc... You need to analyse the shit out of yourself but dont forget the most important part - to FEEL. Yes we can all still feel. Stop rationalizing every thing, I know it hurts to open up but it's part of the process. every minute every second make sure youre living by heart. Then act accordingly and bravely.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Hey huggy bear

Did u just hear a fearless voice? I swear I did...lol


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

AlexFromPT said:


> Dissociation is so tricky you still do it today and don't know how, when, etc... You need to analyse the #### out of yourself but dont forget the most important part - to FEEL. Yes we can all still feel. Stop rationalizing every thing, I know it hurts to open up but it's part of the process. every minute every second make sure youre living by heart. Then act accordingly and bravely.


I get confused when we are meant to 'catch' ourselves dissociating when most are dp'd 24/7?


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I agree ... That theory is only aimed at transient and episodic DP many ppl on here experience a permenant state of dissociation and derealization regardless if they are engaging with ppl or not..


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

How have you managed all these years?


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

yosemitedome said:


> How have you managed all these years?


Who me?


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## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

Most people say DP is cured when you stop worrying about it. I think Fearless recovered that way too, but only because he started focusing on his own unresolved issues, rather than his symptoms. He also probably had no idea when he'd be cured either.


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## Meticulous (Jul 30, 2013)

Very insightful, matured thread. I agree completely.

Fearless going at it again thinking he's almighty. This is exactly what this thread was going against and he just had to come in here and throw it off. Well done Fearless, you pessimistic nutcase.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

To clarify, once again, this thread wasn't opened to discern his behavior on this forum specifically. It concerns everyone, including those who bash Fearless, due to his attitude and cannot utilisize any maturity to simply ignore it.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

missjess said:


> Who me?


Yesh.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

yosemitedome said:


> Yesh.


I don't fuking know I was always hopefull and tried many things but here I am still with derealization 24/7 and I fuking can't stand it now believe me I've contemplated suicide many times I just cannot experience joy anymore and it's highly depressing


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

Haven't been on here for a while. Mainly because I have lived with this condition longer than most. I don't have a memory of being different. I have always been stuck in an alter reality. I don't want advise. I want help coping. I found this site useless. I'm better at telling myself how to cope. Everyone on here is concerned with getting better and I hope you do.

In the meantime I/we continue to suffer. Is there a safe place to be supported while living with this handicap? I have 2 therapists and they are a real source of strength for me as they admire the amount of bs I go through because of this disorder. I'll admit I have a severe case and other dissociative symptoms. But living with constant anxiety even when I think I'm relaxing, and depression that comes and goes, is a tough road. Just want some help walking it. I don't want no one to fix me. Just help me keep knowing the walk is worth it.

I am impressed that fearless thinks he knows so much. I doubt he has what I have. Simply, if you aren't in someone else's shoes how do you know they suffer the same as you and their 'cure' will be what cured you? My mom used to do encounter groups where 'covers were pulled.' You know why they aren't popular anymore? It hurt people and there were casualties. Calling people cowards and telling them they are wrong is hurtful and more harmful than you can know. Covers are there for a reason. Stripping yourself of your covers is not always helpful and can hurt some people.


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