# psychosis or dp psychosis



## bubbins (Jan 24, 2013)

I was diagnosed with drug induced pschosis when i was 18..But have always been odd since 4 or 5 yrs old..Around the time of my diagnosis my thinking was distorted and i believed everyone was either consiously or sub consiously out to harm me..

I have never heard voices but my thinking is a constant internal dialouge with myself or someone else and then normal thought and occasionaly a 3rd pattern of thinking which is me telling myself all matter of things ..From hating to hurting myself..For alot of years i coudnt actualy sit downfor any longer than a few minutes and have spent alot of time in the past having to watch myself in the mirror..At times i would feel that the reflection was me but if it was me why do i need to check what im doing..Woudnt i already know what im doing if the reflection is actualy me..Alot of my memorys are from third person view..I feel like im not whole..There are so many symptoms that intertwine other illness's..Sometimes the feeling of only my eyes,my sight is me and i need to check..in the mirror...I really only ever feel my normal,well any sort of normal on acid..

I will add more,fill gaps..there is to much to take in inragsrds to symptoms and how they relate to illness's and diagnosis.................I stopped taking anti psychotics along time ago and other crap they prescribed that makes me a zombie....And anti depressants made me suicidal..Well to happy for me to want to live..Is my normal F###ed...All past points of reference are in my own words disturbing...


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## ClassC (Jan 23, 2013)

I'm not entirely sure how they diagnosed you to be 'psychotic'. You seem to be fine even though there's a bit of delusional thinking. The fact that you can analyze this situation rationally and objectively proves that you are not psychotic. As far as the other things go, you have to adapt to these feelings and emotions that you might consider as 'uncomfortable'. Otherwise you will continue to feel spaced out whenever they appear.


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## bubbins (Jan 24, 2013)

My thinking was unrealistic to say the least...I was seen by an admitting doctor at a hospital and then proceeded to see psychologists and psychiatrists..The last psychiatrist i saw was the one who said Psychosis.........I actually thought that the people at my work wanted me to kill myself..This was months before i started seeing doctors..And as a teenager i believed that i was going to die very young so that meant i was able to do anything..Sounds really fucked up as im writing it but its true..And my inner dialogue is not very positive and has lead me to harm myself..And in extreme times of distress i have used self harm to cope.....

Im not actually 100% on why's inregards to diagnosis..........But i only told the pschiatrist a small amount of whats going on and didnt want to go further..Because certain things i know are distorted and part of my paranoia is people knowing what is going on in my head..............

This is where wtf is going on...And this has been over 20yrs now.....Maybe even more like 30....................And i cant get past whats in my head..........The constant tearing awayat myself ...............I am my own worst enemy..

....One question i would like to ask you is Does anyone really tell doctors//shrinks everything.............It really does not seem possible........

...And how do you deal with people's reactions..........There faces changing as i talked has really put me off telling them.............


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## bubbins (Jan 24, 2013)

at the time i was using lsd and meth,marijuana ectasy and different sleeping pills and drinking....Was told i am a poly drug user.......


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## bubbins (Jan 24, 2013)

I was diagnosed just under 20yrs ago when i was 18..................But i would say it has been about 25yrs....................


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## bubbins (Jan 24, 2013)

Before diagnosis i used magic mushrooms,marijuana,any precription pills i could get,opium,morphine,..Sniffed glue,paint,thinners,petrol,lpg gas,liquid paper.............And after diagnosis use increased....... marjuana,lsd,meth,pills,ectasy,morphine,magic mushrooms,ketamine,herion, and a couple of times dmt........

.........Hallucinogens seem to give me the sense of being more normal....actually maybe my normal is easiest to describe as someone on hallucinogens...........


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