# Recovered after just 3-4 weeks



## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

A long time I knew that I should say goodbye to pot, I began having nothing but anxiety and disassociation and still couldn't resists that 'last time' when I had a major panic attack which put me in a weird existential funk for about 2 weeks. The actual DP/DR however triggered one idle night after one too many stressful nights cramming for an exam, as I was about to fall asleep I suddenly felt like I couldn't feel my body and I was losing touch with reality. My heart rate shot up and I was feeling tunnel vision, my surroundings felt unreal and I could not feel my body. I was ready to call the hospital thinking this was the end of me but I waited it out curled up in to a ball after taking some ativan.

What followed was probably the weirdest and most horrifying weeks of my life. Most frightening symptoms:

*Cycling existential thoughts, questioning my grasp on reality and questioning my own consciousness

*Could not handle lights, everything seemed way too bright and 'strange'

*Agrophobia, I could not go outside as it was just too weird and intense

*Insomnia, I would disassociate trying to fall asleep, have anxiety every few moments when I would forget where I am or who I was

*Thinking I am going crazy, and feeling trapped in my own body (since my only understanding of reality is my own, I could not prove I"m not going crazy)

*Feeling I had no safe place, since even my own room felt strange and unfamiliar (still better than the kitchen or bathroom lol)

*Inability to focus, I couldn't even read my computer screen for too long as it felt too bright and made me anxious

and so on

I spent the next few weeks in bed watching the same two movies on repeat (Bronx Tale and Goodfellas), not sure why but maybe Robert De Niro is comforting to watch lol

I tried to go for therapy once, but the weirdness of being in a room with some stranger talking about myself felt too 'surreal' and I ran away moments before having another panic attack.

Anyway, all thanks to this website I was able to get out of this and am 100% recovered. The thing that I needed to understand and keep repeating to myself was that this was all related to an anxiety disorder. All the weird thoughts, conclusions and sensations were fueled by an anxious state of mind trying to find reasons for what was happening to me.

I spent the next week reminding myself of this, and I would take ativan (a benzo) when I could feel my anxiety getting too strong. The symptoms didn't just go way, but gradually faded. It's almost like I have my 'filter' back, where my brain can actually process things before making assumptions. Today I can safely say I am 'me' again, except I know full well I have an anxiety disorder which I must treat if I want to avoid relapse.

So yeah, thank god for this site, who knows what would have happened if I didn't know wtf was going on. I would have been convinced I went insane and maybe took drastic measures. Now I'm just happy to be 'me' again. I hope the rest of you have the same success.


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## Guest (Sep 27, 2015)

Glad you've recovered and the site helped. Be careful with the benzo use though, use it strictly as a PRN!

Best of luck!


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## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

Jeff said:


> Glad you've recovered and the site helped. Be careful with the benzo use though, use it strictly as a PRN!
> 
> Best of luck!


Absolutely, I definitely want to keep them as a tool for long-term success. I had a bit of a 'trigger' today after reading a science article title "higgs boson proves we don't even exist', although the article was logically sound the thought made me get that weird feeling and the weird thoughts accompanying it. Took one just to avoid the inevitable few hours of 'wtfness'.

I will start trialing SSRI's soon, I hope that that will be a more permanent fix for my anxiety issues and I can focus on life like I did for the past 24 years.


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## hopefuluk2 (Aug 20, 2015)

Jeff said:


> Be careful with the benzo use though, use it strictly as a PRN!


Good post! What's wrong with using Benzos? I used them for 28 days and then I stopped. I know that they are dangerous on the long run and you can build tolerance. I want to recover naturally. Do you think that it would delay my recovery now Jeff that I used Benzo?


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## 2141zach (Sep 14, 2015)

hopefuluk2 said:


> Good post! What's wrong with using Benzos? I used them for 28 days and then I stopped. I know that they are dangerous on the long run and you can build tolerance. I want to recover naturally. Do you think that it would delay my recovery now Jeff that I used Benzo?


When did you stop recently? what where you using?


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