# How I recovered...



## Jordanbg70 (May 29, 2009)

I think I developed dp/dr from quite a few different thing. I was a 20 yo student in college and frequent marijauna smoker, I'd tried my fair share of opiates, shrooms, cocaine, nicotine, caffeine, ephedra and alcohol; all with no problem. Well I almost got into some severe legal trouble(victimless), that left me in a very anxious state for awhile. Compounded by the fact that a couldn't think of a major to certify in a dropped out of college. I began to use opiates more about 2-3 times a week. This lasted a couple months. I started to feel depressed a few months back, and had no idea what it was. I'd taken MDMA about three months prior, and honestly the comedown was bad for me, and that might have been when the depression began, I'm not sure. I took MDMA again and the comedown was far worse, much higher dose, I believe 4 triple stacks of blue dolphins, I was clinching my jaw it seemed like for a week after that. Still no dp/dr symptoms just a degrading mental state. One night I awoke and looked in the mirror, it had been probably been three day since I last ingested methadone. My pupils were HUGE, felt scared, full of nervous energy, I was in opiate withdrawals. Things appeared different, I didn't understand, lights were so pronounced. The worst part was the dissociation. I no longer was "myself", my hands and feet appeared alien. I could only describe it as a bad fry mixed with a horrible coke comedown. I sought help with no avail, say 2 psychologists as well as 2 psychiatrists all diagnosing me as anxious/depressive, even though I knew it was either dp/dr or schizophrenia. I couldn't think about anything except the fact that there was something terribly wrong with me, no reading for pleasure(only trying to figure out what was wrong with me), couldn't watch movies or tv. I was in a anxious hypomanic state for 18 months, in a way I wanted to die, just to make the hell stop. I couldn't smoke pot anymore, when I tried I panicked and symptoms became worse. This whole time I was convinced, my brain was broken and I had become insane.

MY RECOVERY

I had tried zoloft, lexapro, paxil, remeron, resperdal*, seroquel, valium, prozac. All of these either made my symptoms worse or made me feel slowed down and addition to doing nothing for the symptoms. I tried to smoke marijauna when I was on lexapro and resperdal and fried like I was on a crazy hallucinogen began to see things in frames, giddy and scared at the same time. PSYCH MEDS ARE POWERFUL. Now I know for some people the ssri's have helped, but they are dissociatives and structurally similar to pcp(ssri's will show up as pcp on a drug test), so for me they aggrivated the condition. The whole time I had been suffering, I had been on some sort of psych med. I quit the valium. I wanted to feel "normal", and taking psych meds was making me feel "not normal" for better or worse. One day, I decided to take a hit of marijuana, I fought of the initial and anxiety, things started to seem not so catastrophic, and I began to heal. I still suffered but I was improving with each day. Marijuana was the key for me as absurd as that sounds and would've sounded to me at the beginning of my dp. It allowed me to take the focus off myself, relax and begin to enjoy life. Also, I had been a marijuana addict for 6 years so that was "normal" for me. Getting a job and forcing myself to concentrate was the next step, it was hard but I began to regain confidence in myself, and was forced to take my mind off of it. I don't smoke pot daily anymore, but it might have saved my life and I love it for this. So, in short, if they aren't working the psych meds you are taking might be your problem. And I think that marijuana might help some people, just as psych meds might help some people. It won't fix you but it might give you enough relief/distraction to start getting better, your not going fix a chemical imbalance(if that's what you believe) by creating one, especially in the brain which we(including glorified witch doctors) know very little about. You just hope the imbalance you created is better then the existing condition. INDICA, SMALL AMOUNTS, DISTRACTION IS THE KEY. Oh yeah, I'm 24 now, finishing school and symptoms have been in remission for 2 years. I get anxiety once in awhile, that is even getting better with time though. Excuse my spelling and grammar, I hope I didn't offend anyone. BE STRONG AND YOU AREN'T CRAZY.


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## DownTheRabbitHole (May 30, 2009)

awesome mate! well done, hope mines passes.
i too smoke weed,daily just about! i wish it would cure me


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## Luciiz (Oct 15, 2008)

Cut the bullshit.. are you really healed? By the sounds of it you just sound like you're getting more used to DP or it's only faded mildly.

If you were cured you'd be using very expressive language about the complete contrast between DP/DR and what most of us used to feel (reality). Marijuana hasn't cured you at all, it's just a habit. It's probably not as bad as people say for this condition, so there's nothing wrong with daily use in my opinion, but it's not helping you.


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## DownTheRabbitHole (May 30, 2009)

hi luciiz, name sounds familiar


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## Luciiz (Oct 15, 2008)

NumbNeo said:


> hi luciiz, name sounds familiar


From where?


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## DownTheRabbitHole (May 30, 2009)

cant remember exactly, maybe xbox, do you play pro 09?


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