# I'm back after recovery twice



## dhodson84 (Oct 19, 2011)

My Story

Feb 2007 I got my head trod on behind my left ear whilst playing football(soccer) It sent me into a dream like state, double vision, I didn't feel myself. I really panicked myself. The double vision went but I still felt really strange, surreal, like the depth of things outside, people and myself seemed strange when I looked at them. I thought it was a brain tumour or something and I was going to die, I really struggled to cope, I went to the doctors and he said it was post-concussion-syndrome, I was so scared I was never going to recover, anxiety was through the roof, I couldn't sleep. I had a holiday booked for the june, i was so anxious about going as i thought i wouldn't be able to enjoy myself or drink and have fun. I went and after taking it easy the first week, i got alittle drunk and enjoyed my night, and after not feeling any worse the next day it made me realise that i hadn't thought as much about it. I enjoyed the rest of my holiday the best i could and when i came back i thought about it less and less. Only the odd time of surelness which went fairly quick. i felt a bit surreal after going to las vegas in the November, so i didn't really drink. But it was fie when i came back and i started a new happy relationship, life was good and we moved into a house with her little boy. Even after that relationship broke down, i dealt with ok(If i got over my head injury issues i could get over anything) i moved in with my dad, life was still good, enjoying time with mates,working hard,holidays etc. i went awayvwith mates for a week in july 2011, i bit of holiday blues when i returned and after a night out i was napping on my sofa and i had some heart palpitations, i think my mind got so panicked with out me waking up, by the time i did, i was in complete panic, i felf like i was back in my surreal state again, the depth of things wasn't right, people and my reflection didn't seem right, i was disconnected from the world, i even had the aching behind my ear where i got trod on. My anxiety levels were through the roof, doctor gave me pills but they made me feel more strange. I got obsessed with researching, i saw about derealisation/depersonalization which it seemed like what i mostly have, i saw people can have it for years which totally freaked me, i went into more panic and couldn't really calm myself down. I considered ending it all, i somehow stopped myself, i went a bit emotionally numb, which was good but bad as i wasn't worried as much but was also such as trange feeling. I thought well if i feellike this i can go and get drunk which i did and i realised that i had stopped thinking and obsessing about it as much. This started the vicious circle changing again and i very, very slowly thought about it less and less. I by this time had started seeing a counsellor and got into have a head scan i had been begging for, looking for answerers. But i think the vicious circle had already started to change by then. Over the next few months my if got back on track. By sept 2013 i started a new job travelling the country and staying in hotel, i realised i could now cope with everything again. Life was good again, i had a really good holiday in june 2014 which was another realization that i was recovered, or if i was totally how i used to be it didn't bother me, i moved into a new flat with 2 mates in july14 which was another milestone. i still sometimes got the tightness behind my ear and had to click my neck to releave the pressure, or if i got a whack on that part of my head it would make me feel a bit anxious and strange for a couple of hours or days, but didn't really bother me. Then whilst driving in april 2015 i was eating prigles(chrisps) and one caught in my throat,i had had a bit of anxiety over my throat after i scatched it years ago, but i had learned that the sensation of something being stuck would always go, but this time it wouldn't clear, i had constant anxiety with this feeling, as im sure us quite normal when it feels like something is stuck i throat, i went to the doctors and he said it was nothing to worry about, i wasn't to worried about cancer or anything but the feeling of a constant scarred throat i couldn't get away from. The derealisation was back and there with is throat feeling, i felt terrible, constant worry. disconnected again, and this is where i am. Totally disconnected and derealized, struggling to cope, my throat is still not much better and its a real ordeal everytime i eat and i constantly catch that same area so the anxiety is pretty impossible to get away from. i have been referred to the hospital for my throat but i fear it is to late for my derealisation as it seems to have taken over so much! So scared i am stuck like this, i have tried dealing with it how i did last time but nothing is helping at the moment, i am just getting worse. Cant sleep, enjoy anything or live life without it being absolutely terrible feeling. Im totally confussed and am really starring to struggle to go on like this  I hope from me recovering before can give you positives about yourselves though. Any advice would be great though

Thanks David


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## james0926 (Mar 7, 2015)

Let me start by giving you a bit of releif. It sounds to me like your dpdr isn't to severe. I'm not saying it's not scary or strange but you are able to do a lot of things most of us can't. You're able to work and drive. I also want to tell you that it's possible your mind is stuck on your throat hurting. What I mean by that is sometimes when dpdr resurfaces or gets worse then it can stick to whatever sensation caused it to do that. For example one day I was driving with my dpdr that was mostly just brain fog at the time and out of no where it got worse and I over thought everything. At that exact same moment my left eye started to water from the sun and it started to hurt. So for about three weeks my left eye wouldn't concetrate and kept hurting. Then I learned to ignore dpdr and that my eye pain was me stressing from concentrating on it so much. Same thing with your throat. If you hurt your throat then your dpdr could be making you worry you damaged it permanately so you keep doing things like moving your neck or scratching it from the inside which could be irritating it. My advice to you is to ignore it. If it feels weird just let it. It will heal when you stop letting the anxiety strain it. I've had something similar with my throat before and it took awhile for me to let it heal without worrying. Hope this helps you.


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## dhodson84 (Oct 19, 2011)

Thanks for replying james, hope you are coping ok. i have been hoping thats the case with my minds constant worry and anxiety about my throat, that my DR won't be as bad if the throat feeling goes. But its taking so long to see a specialist about it. Its gone from constant thought on throat to constant thought of not feeling right, disconnected not seeing or feeling the world like i did before. But I'm hoping its still mostly due to my throat as its still not right. Hoping so much if i can get my throat sorted then it will slowly allow my dr/dp to subside. Its like a switch got turned on, also my brain relating it to that concussion as get the ache behind my ear like it relates hightened anxiety to the trauma of that! And something in my brain isnt functioning right
Thanks again Dave


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