# NEWBIE AND NEED HELP



## BooBear (Dec 27, 2016)

Hi! I'm hoping I can find help here, since doctors are pretty much all busy this time of year. Family doctor is on holidays until February so I got a new family doctor since it's an emergency but my first appointment with my new family doctor is in mid February. So, I went to the hospital and they told me to go to a clinic; I went to a clinic, and they told me to go see a family doctor. So here I am, waiting for February to come, hoping I won't die before then.

It all starting when I smoked weed. I was fine for a couple days, until I smelt weed. From there, everything went down. I can't concentrate on a conversation without freaking out, my perception of time is distorted, I have hyperawareness (I feel, see, hear, and smell in 10D rather than3D), lights are too bright, sounds are too loud, when I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself, I feel like I'm in a movie or I feel like an alien abducted me and put me on another planet similar to mine, my hands aren't mine, I'm disconnected from my thoughts, feelings, people, the world. It goes on but I won't babble about that; you've been there.

Now the problem is, first of all, no medical help until February. I've been dealing with this for 3-4 months now, and I don't know how I'll handle two more months or so, since it seems to be getting worse. Weird thing is, my loved ones tell me that I seem doing better when in fact, I feel worse everyday.

Second problem; I have crazy anxiety attacks mixed with intense DP episodes overtime I smell weed. Yay me, my roommate smokes weed like a chimney. He started smoking outside, but I don't know how he manages to make the WHOLE HOUSE smell like weed, but he does. I live with my boyfriend, who's actually super supportive through all this (he's the landlord of the place, so basically, I live with my boyfriend (who's the landlord), my roommate who smokes weed, and another roommate. Now, before you guys say "oh just move out, or evict him" here's there problem. He has a green card and he smokes outside. Legally, we can't do anything about it. We have to keep living here. Second problem is, my boyfriend was giving the responsibility of landlord, but doesn't own the house, he's on a two year lease. We thought maybe living at his parents for a month or so might help but I've stayed there for a week already and overtime I come back home, my DP comes back to zero, and I have to re-do the whooooole process of getting the slightest bit better. Other problem is, he's my best friend, we haven't spent a day apart since we met, and if I go live at his parents, we'd only see each other 3-4 times a week. It might seem enough, but right now, he's the only one I'm the slightest bit comfortable with, he's the only one that makes me feel alive, he's the only one who kind of understands and doesn't judge me for what I'm going through and he's the only one that helps me get through the day with the thought of him coming home to me after work, apart from my mom, but she lives 8 hours away.

I don't want to live here anymore, he knows it, but I can't do anything about it. I mean, I tried to detach myself from the smell and the sight of weed but with no luck. I feel like I need to get my DP under control before trying to get over the sight and smell of weed; NOT the other way around.

PLUS, I have no help until mid February. I tried meditation, it does't help like it used too, my tricks to help anxiety attacks don't work anymore, if anything "returning to the now" and "distracting myself" makes me feel worse than I already feel. For example, going out takes concentration for me, or returning to the now makes me focus on something in specific and because of hyper awareness, when I focus or concentrate on things, it makes my DP roof to the top.

Anybody have any ideas?

I've done my research, I feel like I truly tried everything that could help me and most of those things only make me feel worse.

Please help.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

sounds pretty rough. although it also sounds like your roommate isn't being particularly considerate. could you possibly talk him into a less "smelly" form of cannabis consumption? or, alternatively, if you mask the smell with another smell, does that help you at all?

it almost sounds to me like a form of PTSD, the way you describe your symptoms and the fact that it has a very clear and specific trigger. since going away to your boyfriend's parents' house actually does allow you to make headway, it doesn't sound to me like a generalized anxiety disorder, nonspecific panic disorder, or depersonalization disorder itself. of course, there are other things that can cause symptoms of dp/dr, but the most common ones (at least around here) seem to be anxiety disorders. is it possible there might be something hiding there, that's specifically connected to that smell in your head?

the good news is, it won't directly kill you. it might make you wish you were dead, but actually dying is still technically your choice. mindfulness does jack-shit for me too, except for some things that people like to lump in like doing a puzzle, coloring a picture, that sort of thing. maybe that works because I'm not focusing on me, and I'm not focusing on the external world, I'm focusing on a task, that has a start and an end. is it possible that might be less detrimental than meditation, for you?


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## BooBear (Dec 27, 2016)

tfiio said:


> sounds pretty rough. although it also sounds like your roommate isn't being particularly considerate. could you possibly talk him into a less "smelly" form of cannabis consumption? or, alternatively, if you mask the smell with another smell, does that help you at all?
> 
> it almost sounds to me like a form of PTSD, the way you describe your symptoms and the fact that it has a very clear and specific trigger. since going away to your boyfriend's parents' house actually does allow you to make headway, it doesn't sound to me like a generalized anxiety disorder, nonspecific panic disorder, or depersonalization disorder itself. of course, there are other things that can cause symptoms of dp/dr, but the most common ones (at least around here) seem to be anxiety disorders. is it possible there might be something hiding there, that's specifically connected to that smell in your head?
> 
> the good news is, it won't directly kill you. it might make you wish you were dead, but actually dying is still technically your choice. mindfulness does jack-shit for me too, except for some things that people like to lump in like doing a puzzle, coloring a picture, that sort of thing. maybe that works because I'm not focusing on me, and I'm not focusing on the external world, I'm focusing on a task, that has a start and an end. is it possible that might be less detrimental than meditation, for you?


Hi there! Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. Some things to keep in mind in my case is that years ago I was diagnosed with a major psychotic depression, dysthymia, a generalized anxiety disorder, and a characterological disorder. Over the years, with the help of therapy and meds, I got better but it's still there. I've also been through multiple traumas in the pas year or two (abusive relationship, rape, and family crisis). Obviously, with that I was diagnosed with PTSD and I've always had DP symptoms from what I can remember, but I think the experience with weed might have been "the straw that broke the camel's back" in my case. Since then, I almost feel like my DP symptoms have been transformed into something a bit more serious than just that: symptoms. This being said, even when I'm not smelling weed, the DP symptoms are there. I agree with you though, that part of it might have to do with some kind of PTSD but from what I understand, a lot of the time, a DPD can be caused by a a traumatic event. Correct me if I'm wrong. Perhaps I might be a bit OCD (I clean my hands all the time because I don't want weed on them, I barely eat because I'm paranoid that there might be weed in food, etc...) and the OCD is part of what triggers the DP symptoms? I don't know, I guess I'll have to see. All the doctors I talked to say that it's most likely DPD but I won't be sure until I talk to a psychiatrist.

Coloring and stuff like that might actually be a good idea. I'm an artist already (mostly music) but since this all started, I kind of forgot about it because DP seems to rule my world. Like you said though, I'm the one who has control of my choices so it's definitely helpful that you said it; I will make sure to keep it in mind. With depression, one thing that I noticed is that the more I stayed home doing nothing, the less I wanted to go out. BUT, the more I forced myself to go out and do things, the more I wanted to, and the better I felt. Perhaps I should develop the same kind of mentality in this case.

Presently, the more I stay in bed, and do nothing, the more I'm lazy and the worse I feel. Of course, with my anxiety, going out kind of makes my symptoms worse, but if maybe I go for quiet walks, and start forcing myself to do music again, I will develop more of a love for life and it might help.

Thanks again for your response, I appreciate it!


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## Psychostein (Nov 3, 2016)

I have recovered from both DP/DR that was induced by marijuana In 2 months, I basically went and lived my life I suffered a lot by doing this but I had to break the fear, then it totally went away.
Now I'm left with my thought process that DP left me with good luck


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

dang, you've got quite a bit going on BooBear. that does change my understanding of the situation a fair bit. but it sounds like you've got some tricks from dealing with all these different things that you can apply to the dp as well. I think that would be a good thing to focus your efforts on for the time being. you're welcome to pm me anytime.


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## RedSky (Jan 11, 2017)

Wow I haven't heard of smell triggering it before that is crazy, I am in the same boat as you as smoking did the same thing to me... Feel like I have been put in an alternate universe where everything is just slightly different.


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