# Scared of Myself .. help please :/



## Isilme (Jul 8, 2012)

Sometimes (like right now) I feel like I am actually scared of myself. I am so aware of my existence, that it just terrifies me. I think of me, that I am, I live, I exist and I feel trapped in me (in my body,in my mind) - I can´t run away from myself. And my brain can´t figure it out (how it is possible, that "I am" and that I am thinking about "me existing") so it feels like it (brain) somehow stuck or something. And I think about, that I am alone in "myself" just "with myself". It feels so crazy. And also when I think .. when I talk to myself in my head ( well, by that I mean normal way how our thinking works) it is weird for me, that I am able to do that. It feels weird talking (mean thinking) "one person to the same one person", so then I feel like I am somehow split or there are "two of me" or something like that and again it scares me (even if I know it is completely normal; it is just the way thinking works).

It is really bad feeling to be scared of my own self. I feel completely crazy and it makes me panic. Also sometimes I feel so detached like I am in a diferent state of consciousness and everything feels new, strange, scary from this "wiev" and I can´t shake the feeling that "this is not me", "I don´t feel like me".

Can anyone relate? Do you think it is all made by DP/DR , because as I´ve said it feels crazy and very scary. And I hope it does make any sence, I tried to explain it best I could, but it is hard to describe this things.


----------



## Guest (Apr 22, 2014)

It's pretty much normal for people with DP to feel that way.


----------



## jharden (Apr 21, 2014)

I've been feeling like this recently too. I can relate completely. It's almost like a hyper-awareness of yourself and your conciousness.

Thinking about consciousness is very unsettling for me. Why am I me and not someone else? I experience plenty of existential thoughts which cause me lots of anxiety. You are not alone. The sad thing is, we all know that these thoughts are natural and that everyone has them. Unfortunately we tend to obsess over them and it causes us great fear. It also doesn't help that we start thinking these thoughts when our world seems so foreign and our mind seems so detached.

I don't have a solution yet, but I want you to know you aren't alone in feeling this way.


----------



## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

I relate 100%. For me its like aware of being aware. Like I'm aware that everything I know i have leather and that this is `life `. And I wonder how I know things. Does anyone else feel like they know too much or something. And also trapped in reality.


----------



## Isilme (Jul 8, 2012)

jharden said:


> I've been feeling like this recently too. I can relate completely. It's almost like a hyper-awareness of yourself and your conciousness.
> 
> Thinking about consciousness is very unsettling for me. Why am I me and not someone else? I experience plenty of existential thoughts which cause me lots of anxiety. You are not alone. The sad thing is, we all know that these thoughts are natural and that everyone has them. Unfortunately we tend to obsess over them and it causes us great fear. It also doesn't help that we start thinking these thoughts when our world seems so foreign and our mind seems so detached.
> 
> I don't have a solution yet, but I want you to know you aren't alone in feeling this way.


Exactly - "hyper-awareness of yourself and your consciousness". It is so scary to think about it because of that anxiety and detachment. But it is a little comforting to know I am not alone feeling this way, so thank you all for responses.


----------



## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

are there people recovered from this particular symptom?


----------



## Guest (Mar 6, 2015)

I cant say whether or not I've recovered from this symptom, however it no longer bothers me, I suppose i've learned to accept it after all these years.


----------



## nabber (Feb 13, 2009)

For me personally that was on the top of my list of symptoms that caused intense panic attacks. Just like Jeff said I learned to accept them after the years. I normally have these thoughts when I'm alone. Just focus on ways to distract yourself when you have these thoughts.. anything works , turn on the tv , focus on what you're watching. hop on the internet and try to find something interesting to read.. talk to your dog if you have to.. just any distraction helps.. for me anyway, that's what I do.. Or remind yourself of the fact that you are you, and you're not alone and there's a lot of people having the exact same thoughts you are having.


----------



## MiketheAlien (Nov 7, 2013)

When I first experienced DP/DR and panic attacks, Consciousness and reality were the most terrifying things. I can relate 100% to what you are going through. And I must emphasize the "going through" part. Eventually, over time and effort, these feelings lost their ability to induce fear. These days I am still perplexed as ever about the Why, Who, How, What, and When of my existence, but now in a more subtle and relaxed way.

The way I see it, When you first experience DP/DR, it is like an extreme peak in your reality, very intense and scary, but as time passes and you start to adjust and grow, the fear and panic slowly ramps down. This may not be the case for everyone, but Ive seen a theme in similarity regarding these issues.

I can only give you advice from my personal experience. Time heals, acceptance is key, adapt and try to grow as a person. Dont be too hard on yourself and try to stay positive. I used vocalizations when my fear took hold of me, saying aloud, "I am here, I do exist". Also, A huge influence on how I view myself and the world these days has been a man named Alan Watts. I would recommend distracting yourself with some of his lectures sometime.

But this has just been what has helped me and how the DP ride has been for my individual experience. I hope you feel better sooner than later, I know its not the most encouraging advice but *things will get better.*


----------



## Irene (Nov 13, 2014)

Thank you MiketheAlien for some solid and helpful advice!


----------



## oksfyre (Feb 21, 2015)

I completely relate to this 100%. I feel a hyper awareness of myself and everything seems to scare me, my own thoughts and sensations etc. I hate it but know a lot of people are going through the same thing. Also I feel like I'm always trying to run away from myself. Whenever I think about the past my memories almost don't seem like mine, feel really disconnected


----------



## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

The sad part is I have had this symptom since summer 2013 ( classic dp from 2012 with 6 months remssion ) and it is not gettineg better at all with time,distraction helps for a very little period of time, because I have these sesnations 24/7 every living minute and my panic attacks returned. Yesterday I even had 2 of them and they linger during the whole day. I have these thoughts and sensation without a break and occasional panic attacks ( which btw are happening more often these days). I don't ask common questions like' who am I,where do I come from, where i ti s all coming from?'' Mine is just intense fear of existence itself and of consciousness. I can't seem to stop 'noticing' that I exist, I am a living being,it's so weird. During an attack the intensity of this feeling multiplies by 10000, I get a paralizing fear of my consciousness, as if I don't want to be conscious, it's just so overwhelming and uncomfortable.

But thank you all for answering, it's good to know that there are people out there getting better from this symptom.


----------



## MiketheAlien (Nov 7, 2013)

Have you tried medication? I know some people are against it,but I used escitalopram (lexapro) for a while when I was at my worst, it helped out a lot. I no longer take that medication, but I also no longer have panic attacks. Maybe it is something to look into if your symptoms are unbearable.


----------



## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

Yes, I've tried. First time with classic dp Effexor made it go away, but made me fat. I stopped it gradually,everything was fine for 6 months meds free, then Dp came back in another form,started Effexor again, I didn't recover this time but I was doing a lot better, no panic attacks, life was livable, but still had that feeling. Stopped it again because I continued to put on weight and I developped a metabolic syndrome because of it, had to stop it. And now I am back to square one.At least I am losing weight now veryyyyy slowly. Before Effexor, I tried SSRI antidepressants,they did nothing for me, Effexor is a SNri.


----------



## oksfyre (Feb 21, 2015)

I tried mirtazapene for 2 years which helped me sleep but then it stopped working. Took citalopram for a while but that made me feel worse. Not taking anything at the moment apart from vitamins and about to try some of the brain meds suggested in the treatments forum. Hope you find something that works well for you


----------

