# I think I am going mad



## bigshowrocky (Jun 13, 2014)

Hi Everyone,

To cut a long story short I have been suffering from DP since I had a panic attack back in Feb 2014 and right now I am on two different anti-depressants and also I am on diazapam to help with the anxiety and to get off sleeping tablets.

I don't feel connected to my own thoughts which is leading me to feel like I am going to just either go crazy or I am going to just forget how to do everyday things like talking to people and going to the shops, I have already lost my full time job but I still DJ part time but it is getting harder everyday or at least that is what it seems like.

I have suffered from DP twice in the past before and it was twice after a panic attack but it only lasted a couple of weeks max but this has been going on for a year.

I am so so down and depressed over it and find no joy in life any more. I also take codeine for back pain and I think that could be mixing bad with the other tablets and making me feel worse.

I want to end my suffering and came close to ending my life just two weeks ago.

Am I going crazy?

Sean


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## Guest (Feb 9, 2015)

bigshowrocky said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> To cut a long story short I have been suffering from DP since I had a panic attack back in Feb 2014 and right now I am on two different anti-depressants and also I am on diazapam to help with the anxiety and to get off sleeping tablets.
> 
> ...


Hey Sean,

Fear of going crazy is really common with these symptoms, and that isn't surprising given how bizarre they are. Rest assured, no one with DPD goes crazy -- this is where the term 'reality testing' comes into play. People with DPD are still able to distinguish between reality and fantasy, it is just our perception of ourselves and surroundings that are altered.

I hope you choose to not end your life and continue moving forward.


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## bigshowrocky (Jun 13, 2014)

Hi there and thank you so much for replying. Its so scary and I guess I know in my head that I am not losing my mind but its hard to believe it when my thoughts are not connecting properly. Don't think it helps that I am withdrawing from sleeping pills as we speak so that is going to have an effect on the anxiety.

Last two times I had it though, it went away within weeks and I just remember waking up overnight and feeling normal again but I think the difference then was I had work to pre-occupy my mind but this time I took time off work thinking that the new anti-depressants would kick in and it would all be okay but I fear I have fallen into a vicious cycle of worrying about it and then that is making it worse.

I think I am too scared to end my life but I am also too scared to live like this because I am not living but merely existing.

Thanks for reply


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## eddieviv2100 (Jul 14, 2014)

Hey Sean - You're NOT going crazy - I've had this thing for almost 45 years (On and Off) and - I'm still here holding down a very responsible job no less.  I'll admit some days/weeks are worse than others - but generally I keep it under control with Clonazepam whenever I need to...I know it's hard but try to keep busy, don't ruminate over it - realize that a lot of people have it and you're NOT crazy.


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## sharp (Nov 20, 2014)

Hi Sean,

Just like Eddieviv2000 said: You are NOT going crazy. I've been in the exact same position as you and was also suicidal.

You are suffering from anxiety and DR is merely a symptom of anxiety. Once your anxiety goes away, so does the DR.

When you recover from your anxiety you will feel exactly the same happy person as you were before.

How long have you been using antidepressants? And why are you using two different antidepressants at once?

Gr

Paul


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## RussBruhh (Feb 12, 2015)

Like he said, you have to stop over thinking. Realize that this feeling sucks and all, but it's really not harming you in anyway. Many people have this feeling, including myself. I have learned to deal with it and I am slowly waiting to recover. What I did that really helped me was to think of causes of it and then to realize nothing is wrong with me. I did this while inhaling slowly, exhaling slowly and relaxing myself. The reason I decided to breathe slowly was because I realized whenever I felt irritable or anxious that my breathing had increased slightly. Also, you say you feel like you are simply "existing". Then I feel like you are just going through the motions like I was, you would just get up, do what you had to do through the day (work, school, ect.) Then you would come home and sit in your thoughts. Well it's as simply as switching up your day, do something, go somewhere and do things that make you truly happy. For me, that one thing that makes me happy is parkour/freerunning. So that really helps me, because I extremely love it's art form. Also it is exercise and exercise always helps when dealing with anxiety, depression and depersonalization. So go live YOUR life and stop sitting in your thoughts.

Also I'd like to add that I had been taking Xanax and could not handle the way I felt on it, it stopped me from freaking out, but it made me feel way more unlike myself and out of it. I also had really strange and crazy thoughts on it. So I stopped taking it and I tried dealing with things for a while, and after a few weeks my anxiety and depersonalization became more easy to deal with. Now I am definitely not saying to stop taking the medication you are on, but talk to your doctor about it, tell them how you feel and see if he thinks there's something better for you to do.


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## smallpaul (Jan 22, 2015)

My psychiatrist worked with me on cognitive behavioral therapy to notice when these thoughts come up and just trying to let them pass by without fueling them. Also, the feeling of going crazy is really common with panic attacks and he kind of taught me to think of all these expereinces as different levels of panic attacks. But I did come out of DP, and have been fine and happy for 6 years. I was on a decently high dose of Zoloft and had a seizure (which is like electo-shock therapy) which reset me. And I've stayed on high doses of anti-depressents (but no seizures) ever since. My story is in Recoveries if you think it might help you.


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## oksfyre (Feb 21, 2015)

Hey Sean, I know exactly what you're going through. I also feel like I'm merely existing and been close to suicidal because of it. It's a horrible feeling of numbess but you know there a bunch of horrible emotions underneath it all. I'm currently take 40mg of Citalopram as advised by my GP, but I don't feel like it helps with my anxiety or sleeping much. Do benzodiazepines like Diazepam work for you guys? I think I've tried it short term in the past when I had severe insomnia. Apparently it's not good to take it long term?


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