# Man, socializing feels weird



## razer777 (Jun 28, 2010)

For me hanging out with friends and having conversations makes me feel good but also it makes me very aware of how distant I am with reality. Like I'll go up to a friend or something and be having a conversation with them. Now whenever I'm doing this I feel like I'm inside my head, I've got anxiety churning around about random things, everything feels _weird_ and far away and I feel totally retarded like I usually do, but when I talk to people I always come off as charismatic and expressive. My voice doesn't sound like my own and it feels as if there's some cool guy inside that takes over my body whenever I need to be talkative with people. Whenever I say a joke or am witty I'll think "whoa, how did I make that up?". What I act like is totally incongruent to how I feel inside, when I talk I expect to sound like a neurotic, unfriendly weirdo but I don't.

Unfortunately I get bored/anxious of social situations after a while and just want to get away so I can either go to sleep or go back to my computer and obsessively read about psychology and mental disorders. Other times though I'm able to feel at ease and relaxed with friends and it even makes my core DP symptoms subside somewhat. Alcohol also helps by increasing my desire to be fun and do stuff in a social situation but I still feel disconnected from my own voice and actions. Its like I'm watching a movie about myself having fun. Occasionally though I can forget about everything and stop thinking about thinking about thinking and the DP subsides altogether.

Also, another weird thing I'm having are like really good days (or maybe like a half day) where I just feel 100% as well as I did before and I become optimistic about my condition only to wake up the next day and return to the negative thoughts :-/ Maybe this is just more progress towards improvement and soon more and more days will be DP free until everyday is.


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## OctoberK (Sep 2, 2010)

At times, I'm the same way too. Here I have a friend looking at me and listening to what I'm saying, and to them I look perfectly normal, but really my mind is going crazy and I feel so anxious and as if the words are just slipping out of my mouth beyond my control. I know that if I give up or avoid social situations, I'll only feel more depressed and give DP the credit it doesn't deserve. Although, I find myself many times just running home to go to sleep or search Google for endless answers, it really does suck! But sometimes friends are really great and they are a huge distraction from my problems, not to mention I play it off as if things are perfect..But if you feel 100% fine some days, I think you are definitely on the road to recovery. I wouldn't give up too easily, and just remember that you had a day of feeling good, which means that it's not permanent, and I bet you'll eventually have more better days than bad..


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

Awesome about the good days.

I know what you mean about social situations. I'm usually pretty fine, but as a group gets larger I get stranger. And honestly i've heard this from people i know personally who had this before me. They said it can hit a point where they just need to go lay down.

But anyways i've been to parties and I tried to not self monitor too much, but I had to see how I was doing, and what it was like was like I was drinking, but i did not.

Basically I was talkative and all that and nobody knew the wiser, at all. I was into it and having a good time, laughing and cracking jokes... But a lot of the time I would feel like I was drunk. like 3 beers drunk.. i am a lightweight.

I would feel really out of it. Like imagine playing video games all night, then food in the morning, then you had to go do something.. ya know. Like hanging out with people after an all-nighter.	Just that other-wordly feeling. But I was totaly fine. No real anxiety that I could tell.... just this sensation like I was third person to myself.


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## Kia (Oct 9, 2010)

razer777 said:


> For me hanging out with friends and having conversations makes me feel good but also it makes me very aware of how distant I am with reality. Like I'll go up to a friend or something and be having a conversation with them. Now whenever I'm doing this I feel like I'm inside my head, I've got anxiety churning around about random things, everything feels _weird_ and far away and I feel totally retarded like I usually do, but when I talk to people I always come off as charismatic and expressive. My voice doesn't sound like my own and it feels as if there's some cool guy inside that takes over my body whenever I need to be talkative with people. Whenever I say a joke or am witty I'll think "whoa, how did I make that up?". What I act like is totally incongruent to how I feel inside, when I talk I expect to sound like a neurotic, unfriendly weirdo but I don't.
> 
> Unfortunately I get bored/anxious of social situations after a while and just want to get away so I can either go to sleep or go back to my computer and obsessively read about psychology and mental disorders. Other times though I'm able to feel at ease and relaxed with friends and it even makes my core DP symptoms subside somewhat. Alcohol also helps by increasing my desire to be fun and do stuff in a social situation but I still feel disconnected from my own voice and actions. Its like I'm watching a movie about myself having fun. Occasionally though I can forget about everything and stop thinking about thinking about thinking and the DP subsides altogether.
> 
> Also, another weird thing I'm having are like really good days (or maybe like a half day) where I just feel 100% as well as I did before and I become optimistic about my condition only to wake up the next day and return to the negative thoughts :-/ Maybe this is just more progress towards improvement and soon more and more days will be DP free until everyday is.


Ahhh i could've written this myself. I force myself to socialize with people, but lately it's been getting weird for me. But I just do it because I hate being alone by myself and its a goal to talk to people at least once a day.


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## Speechless (Nov 23, 2009)

that only happens to me when I am socializing with people I don't know well. DP rarely bothers me when I am socializing with my closest friends and family.


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## Montezuma2Tripoli (Jan 15, 2012)

Yea i can definitely relate to avoiding social situations just so I can go read about psychology and mental disorders, or at least in my downtime I did that a lot.


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