# The Long Dark Night of the Soul



## Guest (Aug 12, 2006)

Its 4 am, i only slept two hours.....i have to work in 3.

When i tried to go to sleep i just laid there, thoughts rushin through my head. and i felt so alone, terribly alone. i didnt want to let the thoughts in, but i had no choice, they just kept comin. so i sat there, terrified just goin places my mind was takin me.

I dont know about any of you, but for as long as i can remember.......before the DP and around when it started, i have always felt a horrible deep sense of darkness inside my soul. Like a sort of maddening realm that I seem to live in. Maybe its depression, severe depression. But whatever it is its horrible. And it makes me feel like im going insane. So far nothing has taken away that feeling, since i first got it at 13. NOTHING. Ive tried everything, believe me............

i just cant escape the darkness that pervades my life. it follows me everywhere. i cant even explain how it feels or what it feels like, but its horrible. its mixed in with a sense of loss and abandonment. a sense of alienation. i have felt it for as long as i can remember.

just venting on a long, dark, lonely night.

Eric


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2006)

Just kill yourself already


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

:lolRadiohead.


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2006)

watch someones gonna take it to heart and come in here complainin


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

It?s not funny. The only funny thing is that you think you can justify going around telling people to kill themselves. It?s not cool. Also, it is offensive to the person who posts. I wouldn?t like it if I bared my soul in the desperate hope that someone would shed a ray of light on things, give me something to cling onto to help me trudge on through the misery, only to have my worst doubts confirmed - that my life is not worth living.


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## ret (Aug 10, 2004)

n/t


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

i hope you'll pass the word on.
Radiohrad is about cynicism and i think he wants to toughen us...it IS true that we are a bunch of whimpers...some of us at least. IMHO, i think there are two ways of settling pbs in ths world...wether going all serious about it or...laughing it off...
as CONTRADICTORY as this course of action might seem, i think DP/DR belongs in the 2nd category.
take life lightly and toughen up!

Regards.
Gabriel.

PS to Radiohead:
DEE-PLOH-MAH-SEE...read thru that ha!


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2006)

Radiohead: I know you'll give me some warm loving reply with what i'm about to say... (I look forward to it)... You will regret what you're doing. I guess you'll learn the hard way thought.


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## ret (Aug 10, 2004)

Guyver-Gabriel said:


> i hope you'll pass the word on.
> Radiohrad is about cynicism and i think he wants to toughen us...it IS true that we are a bunch of whimpers...some of us at least. IMHO, i think there are two ways of settling pbs in ths world...wether going all serious about it or...laughing it off...
> as CONTRADICTORY as this course of action might seem, i think DP/DR belongs in the 2nd category.
> take life lightly and toughen up!
> ...


I think some people need to realise this is a mental health website.


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## Ni Hi Li St. (Jul 1, 2006)

Yeah, there really should be responsible use of satyrical use of cynicism, which may get misinterpreted in bad ways.

Anyway, getting back to the subject...

When I started having this problem myself, I remember using the exact same words that described my symptoms. It always seemed like night and there was some sort of hollow feeling within me devoid of a spirit or soul. But along the way, something odd happened.

Now I hope I won't be ridiculed for being crazy of what I'm about to say, so bear with me. Somewhere deep in my mind, I had an inclining to look for things that related to the dawn and such. From there, I eventually ended up with the matter of music, which was a long story in itself. The funny thing was that I found that playing music in a particular way made me feel more alive than ever. To be fair, I didn't heal completely, but this was a moment I'd like to relive. (This story actually connects to the events of coincidences I thought I saw, which you've read in another forum. It's actually much more intriguing if I had liberty to get into details and waste more forum space here.)

Anyway, I know this may sound very simple and naively optimistic, but it won't hurt if you can try to do some creative activities that express who you are.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)




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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Emulated Puppet{eer said:


> I guess you'll learn the hard way though.


Like the rest of us! 
Cor blimey, that?s what life is about.


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## ret (Aug 10, 2004)

Ni Hi Li St. said:


> Yeah, there really should be responsible use of satyrical use of cynicism, which may get misinterpreted in bad ways.


It's not really anything anything to do with responsibility...it's common sense.


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

Reticent...can you tell me what i said wrong?


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## jeremy (Apr 28, 2006)

Im as lost on that one as you Guyver.... :?


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2006)

"Death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain"

We are all guaranteed death so i think its time to get over it. If you want it now well thats your choice just try not to make a mess. Open your eyes and see that DP/DR isn't everything in fact its nothing and life is still open for exploration if your willing.


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2006)

just for the record.........im not suicidal.

I was for a very long time, but I'm not anymore.

but im f*cking tired. Ive been on my feet all day and it was exhausting. im so tired i cant even think straight. Yea i guess i'll try the expression thing and being creative, i sort of try that anyways.


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## ret (Aug 10, 2004)

Guyver-Gabriel said:


> Reticent...can you tell me what i said wrong?


The advice you gave "toughen up and lighten up" I would have agreed with if this wasnt a site that deals with mental health. But it does.


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## ret (Aug 10, 2004)

Radiohead said:


> "Death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain"
> 
> We are all guaranteed death so i think its time to get over it. If you want it now well thats your choice just try not to make a mess. Open your eyes and see that DP/DR isn't everything in fact its nothing and life is still open for exploration if your willing.


Oh yes what a clever quote.

What point are you trying to make?


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## Guest (Aug 13, 2006)

reticent said:


> Radiohead said:
> 
> 
> > "Death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain"
> ...


My point is You are a weak minded individual and you need to stop relying on a label like dp/dr to keep you in your shell because its not helping you me or anyone else on this forum. The blind leading the blind.


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## ret (Aug 10, 2004)

Radiohead said:


> reticent said:
> 
> 
> > Radiohead said:
> ...


Why was the 'y' in you captialised?

I'm sorry I can't take you seriously.


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## Guest (Aug 13, 2006)

reticent said:


> Radiohead said:
> 
> 
> > reticent said:
> ...


k.


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## ret (Aug 10, 2004)

Didn't mean to make you feel weak-minded, Radiohead.


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

to Reticent:

You've got the right to disagree with me. I got the right the have my own opinion...as misunderstood as i can be. and i do realize this is a mental board. and since its a SUPPORT BOARD i really dotn see wots wrong with 'toughen up and lighten up'. (maybe there was smth wrong with my english?)

to Radiohead:

I agree with you on the labelling pt of view....it aint going to help a bit.but, see? once you got over the label there are still the SYMPTOMS, which, if they dont constitute the very CORE of Dp...errrr...this uneasiness. some of them stick for a while some can be got rid of...therefore...i know EXACTELY what your position is on this thing but you cant always go headstrong about it and make posts in such a tone that it can easily be mistaken for arrogance. I know you've got good intents but its just the way you say it that sometimes can be...unusual to others...

on that, 
Peace.


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