# 15 year old, can anybody help me? Any information please.



## Cassius (Nov 1, 2008)

I'm a 15 year old girl, new to this community, and I joined in desperation after having what I think was a severe episode (I mean that in the sense that it was triggered by something) of depersonalization disorder.
I have been experiencing moderate to severe symptoms for the past year, and through a fluke I discovered that there was an actual condition, and that I was not, in fact, going insane.
On a day to day basis I experience such symptoms as:
Feeling as though I'm in a movie,
Subjective awareness or feeling of change in oneself,
Severe Deja Vu
Feeling as though I'm just going through motions, which are separate from the commentary in my head.
Feeling as though nothing I do matters, as all my emotions and motions will be eventually eclipsed by the passing of time
Persistant existential thoughts, especially about time. For example, I feel things have no significance because they will all end eventually, or I feel that my emotions are worthless as moments never last for long, things like that.

Sometimes I get severe symptoms after certain events (such as now) of experiences that are not necessarily traumatic, but that I would be anxious or scared about so I just seem to block them out, and then after they are over I feel like i'm going absolutely insane.
I feel like I have absolutely no connection to what I say or do,
and I usually panic and go to be alone, and then I feel like i'm... acting. if that makes any sense, and it alarms me, because i'm by myself and there's nobody to act for.

Another thing, the few times I've done marijuana, the symptoms have been so elevated that I become psychotic and anxious and the feelings of unrest and EXTREME depersonalization last for at least a day after I've smoked pot. This scared me alot.
I offhandedly mentioned it to my Mom, but she seemed to think I was exaggerating, etc.
Is this normal? Can anyone help me?


----------



## Cassius (Nov 1, 2008)

Also, I forgot to add.
I travel alot with my family, and I what alarmed me on the last trip is the lack of feeling of change
like... the fact that I was in a different continent and yet I had no feeling of being in a new place or being in a different place.
It sounds insignificant and i wish I could explain it better.


----------



## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

welcome cassius  i'm glad you found us here
yes, all of what you said is normal. just know that there's so many wonderfuuuul people willing to help you here that have been through the same kinds of experiences.


----------



## Cassius (Nov 1, 2008)

Thank you very much, I'm glad aswell.
So, is what I'm describing Depersonalization Disorder?


----------



## Cassius (Nov 1, 2008)

?????? Anyone?


----------



## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

sounds like it but it's up to you to find the root cause or to answer the question of if it is depersonalization disorder. going to a doctor about it would help a lot, too. i don't know enough about you to say for sure if that's what it is.


----------



## Rein (Apr 29, 2008)

Hi Cassius welcome on the forum!


----------



## hannahb05 (Nov 2, 2008)

oh poor you. i suffered exactly the same thing at 16 and i didn't tell anyone. in fact i didn't even realise there was an actual disorder. i suffered panic attacks after a traumatic event and at first i thought i was dying. i was treated for the physical symptoms of the panic attacks but left with this dream-like feeling. thankfully, after a few months the feeling faded and i didn't have a re-occurence for 6 years, even in stressful times. however, recently a lot of changes have occurred in my life, i have graduated, moved away from all my friends and have NO idea what i am doing with the rest of my life. a few weeks ago i visited a friend and smoked a bit too much pot. i suffered severe depersonalisation and derealisation, i was confused as to where i was (my friend had to write the name of the city on a post-it and stick it to my knee) and though the symptoms faded a couple of days later, they have come back and seem to be here more permanently. i was convinced i was losing my mind as it was more intense than when i was 16 and the sensation was slightly different. i feel like i am on autopilot and have no real grasp on my life. however, after looking on the internet i found this page. i am sooooo relieved. i do find that distracting myself from it helps a lot, yesterday i felt a lot better as i was spending time with my family and not dwelling on it too much. as for the root causes of your problem, i would say it could even be a culmination of small problems you didn't realise were getting on top of you, school, moving around, etc etc. but i would say that smoking weed only makes the whole thing far more intense so i would definately avoid doing it. i think the path to recovery will perhaps be to identify things that you think may have contributed to any stress you feel, even if you think you coped ok with them at the time. i didn't have panic attacks until a couple of months after the traumatic event - i thought i had dealt with it fine. once you have identified them, deal with them in your own way and then everything should fall into place. i hope this has been helpful and good luck xxx


----------



## Spike13 (Oct 12, 2008)

Welcome Cassius!

If I can be of any help for you it would be great. A few tricks that seem to work for me:

Pet your cat, dog, rat, or whatever animal you have,alot. The contact of the fur of a loved animal reminds me that there's also Love in reality, and not only fear...

Listen to music you can relate to, it helps maintaining our emotions into place and cultivates them...

One uplifting tought for when you feel "as in a movie" (happens to me very often): This is YOUR story and you are the hero of that story  , the most important character in it!


----------



## Guamboy (Jan 8, 2009)

Hey ther Ms. 15 year old. I have been living with DP , DR Disorder for 12 years now. it started when I smoked pot 13 years ago. I was feeling the same way you were. It then elevated to Panic disorders which Led to Depression which led to Suicidal thoughts and broken relationships. I am about 90% cured at this time after I found out a couple of years ago how powerful the "mind is". I still get the "unreality feelings" but I am now able to function and live a normal life now.

First thing is first! It doesn't matter what "kind" of disorder you have, just know that it is probaby from smoking pot. What alot of people don't know is that some are very sensitive to drugs, and some are not. that's why you may have a different "high" from others who have taken it. I suggest not to ever take "pot" or any other drugs again. The most important thing right now is to stop thinking too much as this will trigger you to get panic attacks like I did. Don't try and explain things too much to those who don't actually know how you are feeling because this will create fear and Anxiety feeds of from fear. Don't try to look for reasons from other people but rather "know' what you are feeling yourself and only you can help yourself by controlling your mind. Now that you know that there is something different going on in your head, Don't try and figure it out yourself too much in detail. What I'm trying to say exactly is now that you know for a fact that somthing has changed about you, don't worry about it too much as it will lead to something worse like anxiety and depression like what happened to me. There is a program out ther founded by a lady named Linda Basset called ( Attacking anxiety and Depression). I know the title doesn't mention DP or DR, but i found that the techniques you will learn will prevent your condition to lead to Anxiety and Depression. Right now, your mind is trying to heal itself, it is (on vacation mode) to protect itself from whatever drug you took. In order for your natural healing to accurr, you must now be carefull what you feed your brain. I say stay away from what i call "what if feelings" in your head. some examples are ; what if I'm going crazy, what if I won't be able to function, or what if my family and friends won't accept me. Basically stay away from any thoughts of negativity. Yes it will be hard because your body and mind is not used to the feeling, but the more fear you have the more your mind will be (on vacation) and the longer it will take to get grasp of reality. The reason why I had been struggling for 13 years now was because it let to something worse. And I kept on trying to find the " true " diagnosis and wanted "other people" to help me and understand me. I was focussing too much on that. I kept on trying to find valid reasons to help me believe that i wasn't going crazy. Well good news to you, you've come to the right place where you can find a whole lot of people who is going through what you are now. There is a solution. Be patient with yourself.

here are some things you can do right now:

1. TAKE THE FEAR AWAY: keep your mind from thinking anything negative or fearful. everytime you have these negative fearful feeling, just tell youself in your mind that "i will not feed you my brain" my brain needs to rest or Something of the like. Tell yourself that your brain is on vaction right now, but it will be back. tell yourself you are not crazy. what works for me is when I get these thoughts I actually "laugh" and tell the negative fearful thoughts "Nice try but you suck and I am the ruler of my mind.... go away you scumbag!)

2. DON'T BE ALONE: Live your daily life normally and try to trick your mind to thinking that everything is "normal". YOur mind is powerful. keep yourself busy and when you are with others, don't talk about what's going on or what you are feeling but instead do something fun or talk about somthing funny. don't act out what you are actually feeling but do the opposite. Only mention your problems to people like us here in this site. but when you are anywhere else, keep yourself busy like finding a new hobby or even making new friends. at first you will feel weird because you will feel like you're talking to puppets, or "acting" like you're having fun, but that's because your mind is (on vacation) trying to heal itself. but you will get used to it.

3. WATCH WHAT YOU EAT: stay away from caffenne, sugar or alcohol for a while until you start feeling better. drink more water regularly, exercise and get at least 8 hours of sleep a day. before you sleep, think about all the good things you did that day and exclude any bad thoughts. be greatful for the day that has passed.

Do this for at least one month and see if there is any change. If not, then I suggest you get into a good program like the one I mentioned above.

good luck


----------

