# Don´t feel a thing



## Elina (Jan 19, 2011)

I´m doing relatively fine compared to few months later when I didn´t know yet what i´ve been suffering of and my thoughts were all over the place and i was flipping out...now my thoughts are pretty much in control, well at least at the moment..And i´m not so anxious and affraid of the dp feeling..But my problem is that i just don´t feel ANYTHING! I was at this gig with my friends last saturday and i tryed to not think about dp and just do the "wake it until you make it" thing and just dance and singed along the band, but i didn´t made it...I just couldnt have even a tiny bit of a emotion. I know what i should be feeling and what i would be feeling if i were normal, but i just cant feel.

I´ve also been thinking of these trhee and a halv year i´ve had dp.. all those feelings i should have felt during that time. Graduating from junior high school and starting business college. I can still remember the day of graduating... i knew what i should have been feeling, but i didn´t feel it. Now i´m graduating from the business college in four months and i´m just thinking how i´m gona miss those unique moments as well becaus I CAN´T FEEL ANYTHING...Not mentioning all those hundreds of emotions i should have felt when growing up and living teen age life. If i ever get my feelings back will i be emotionaly on a level of fifteen year old what i was when this started?

Ofcourse i can remember some emotions i´ve felt during this time, but it seems like every time i notice a feeling that i have, litle later i realise it´s gone. It´s like i´m deleting every litle bit of emotion one by one...And i can´t stop it..

Does anyone else have these kind of thoughts or total lack of feelings? I hope somebody reads this and comments


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Yeah, definitely. The worst of ALL symptoms.

I should be happy. I should be excited. I should be thankful. I should feel love. I should feel pain. I should feel glad.

But I can't.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Elina said:


> I´m doing relatively fine compared to few months later when I didn´t know yet what i´ve been suffering of and my thoughts were all over the place and i was flipping out...now my thoughts are pretty much in control, well at least at the moment..And i´m not so anxious and affraid of the dp feeling..But my problem is that i just don´t feel ANYTHING! I was at this gig with my friends last saturday and i tryed to not think about dp and just do the "wake it until you make it" thing and just dance and singed along the band, but i didn´t made it...I just couldnt have even a tiny bit of a emotion. I know what i should be feeling and what i would be feeling if i were normal, but i just cant feel.
> 
> I´ve also been thinking of these trhee and a halv year i´ve had dp.. all those feelings i should have felt during that time. Graduating from junior high school and starting business college. I can still remember the day of graduating... i knew what i should have been feeling, but i didn´t feel it. Now i´m graduating from the business college in four months and i´m just thinking how i´m gona miss those unique moments as well becaus I CAN´T FEEL ANYTHING...Not mentioning all those hundreds of emotions i should have felt when growing up and living teen age life. If i ever get my feelings back will i be emotionaly on a level of fifteen year old what i was when this started?
> 
> ...


I wish this feeling would go away.. I feel completely numb, I'm trying to panic right now just to feel something but I can't, I'm like completely immune to every single feeling :S

I can relate to you a lot


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

True, this is the worst part of the DP. I really really really hate it









And of course nobody understands!


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## shay143 (Jan 21, 2011)

I can relate to this!!! I just graduated from college in December and I felt nothing. I wanted to be angry that I didn't feel anything but I didn't even feel that. It was the breaking point for me, something I worked so hard for and felt like I totally missed out on it. I started therapy after that happened, just couldn't deal anymore. I pray you feel better before your next graduation. It was suggested to me to get a video of it and then when I could feel again, that I would probably feel strong emotions (good ones) when I watched myself walk across the stage. Best of luck to you on finishing school! Shay


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## Marking it (Jan 8, 2011)

I can relate too! Had the nothingness for about three years. I tried many things to attempt to regain some emotional content but nothing seemed to relieve the torture of an emotional vacuum. Still searching.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

I feel like killing myself today. I fucking hate this.


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## Guest (Feb 1, 2011)

I too have had this numbness for well over 7 years now. I can really relate to how you said that it feels like you are deleting your emotions one by one. I have noticed that when feelings or thoughts even start to begin within that immedietly they are deleted. I think that is the protective mechanism at work, protecting us from ourselves, ironicly.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> I too have had this numbness for well over 7 years now. I can really relate to how you said that it feels like you are deleting your emotions one by one. I have noticed that when feelings or thoughts even start to begin within that immedietly they are deleted. I think that is the protective mechanism at work, protecting us from ourselves, ironicly.


7 years? How are you still going?

I don't know how much more of this I can take


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## Guest (Feb 1, 2011)

never_giving_up said:


> 7 years? How are you still going?
> 
> I don't know how much more of this I can take


Surfingisfun001 said it in the chatroom the other day. He said *"If you don't recover, you adapt to dp/dr." *Honestly it has become a lot easier over the years. For 6 years I thought I was entirely alone. Then in June of 2009 I learned the term Depersonalization, and also found this forum shortly after. I've made more recovery in the time since discovering I was not alone with this than I did the other 6 years of not having any idea of what was going on.


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

TOF, does at least some of the energy come back? And a tiny bit of interest in life?

I honestly cannot imagine having this for 7 years...


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## Guest (Feb 1, 2011)

Gypsy85 said:


> TOF, does at least some of the energy come back? And a tiny bit of interest in life?
> 
> I honestly cannot imagine having this for 7 years...


Yes! I am steadily around 75% to 85% Recovered. All that is left is a mild dissocation feeling, a "blank" mind, and the world looks "unfocused". My DP was marijuana induced. And for 2 years after initial DP, I kept smoking pot, even though that made my DP worse many times over. So once I became and stayed sober, that helped me recover a lot. I'm still not my old self, but I did learn to forge a new identity. And I had to establish a new sense of relationships with my family and friends too. It's still not the same as before DP, but I am hopeful that I will fully recover. 7 years of DP or 1 year of DP, it's really not much of a difference. We go into like a time capsule. I'm convinced that my 16 year old self is still intact underneath all of this DP. Also there are some people who have either had this their whole life or for 20+ years. If I can get out of this at 8-10 years, then I'm not going to complain, lol.


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2011)

I can sense-feel somewhat but that was really only after lamictal with clanazapam. Yes time has healed too and seems to be different stages. Everyone heals at a different pace. Have seen many heal-come out. Im glad I hit this post too because someone said.."*7 years? How are you still going*?"

Goin through extreme external rough times and have had this for 16yrs..lol. oh yes I laugh cause wtf is my life? Oh I dont compare ever(poor me). Im just sayin that to be in such hell when everyone sees nothing for 16yrs and going through losing my family right now. well its a support to me in the sense that she couldnt do this as well. with all the fighting we do. and negativity and so much on my plate I cant even think let alone positive thoughts. well any response is cool but Ive killed threads before..lol

superunknown


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## Elina (Jan 19, 2011)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Surfingisfun001 said it in the chatroom the other day. He said *"If you don't recover, you adapt to dp/dr." *Honestly it has become a lot easier over the years. For 6 years I thought I was entirely alone. Then in June of 2009 I learned the term Depersonalization, and also found this forum shortly after. I've made more recovery in the time since discovering I was not alone with this than I did the other 6 years of not having any idea of what was going on.


Yes..I relate to you! I´m so clad that i´ve finaly figured out what is wrong with me!!! Those years when i didn´t know I just felt i wast THE only one in the whole universe who is suffering from this unexplaind thing, and whole time i just wished i would find something that could explain all these odd symptoms.. And here i am, dp explains absolutely everything. And i have found hundredes of people who knows what i´m talking about and i have opportunity to talk to these people in here. Although knowing it self doesn´t make it go away, it´s still so much better than not knowing, least you know what your fighting with..So at the moment i´m relly satisfied just knowing i have dp
Thanks for answering it means a lot!


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## Elina (Jan 19, 2011)

never_giving_up said:


> I feel like killing myself today. I fucking hate this.


Hang on there brother!!


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## Elina (Jan 19, 2011)

never_giving_up said:


> True, this is the worst part of the DP. I really really really hate it
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I´m sure you will find somebody who understands! I have found several who do, altough they´re all female..but if you genuenly tell people how you feel i´m sure they will understand, after all you cant relly command yourself to feel!


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