# IMPORTANT: SCIENTIFIC INFO FOR DP!!!! THIS COULD HELP A LOT!!!!



## aarossi

Hi guys,

New to the community because I don't exactly like reading about DP as it makes my anxiety skyrocket and makes everything worse. HOWEVER--I felt compelled to sharing some new information about DP with all of you because I feel that this is super crucial to understand and I will show you the resources that I have found the information from.

OKAY

There is one book out there that literally will explain DP so in depth that you may be relieved to know that someone else has been able to put the clearest words onto this condition. The book is called Stranger to Myself by Jeffrey Abugel. I'll be honest that it was a bit difficult to read at parts because of course, like reading about DP can be triggering. However, it really did help to know that someone truly truly truly understood what I was feeling and how common it truly is. DID YOU KNOW that DP is the 3rd most common mental disorder in the world!? He explains in the book that honestly, this has been around for hundreds of years but NO ONE knew how to explain it because it's so hard to explain and it's so abstract that people who don't feel it just think you're crazy. AND YOU ARE NOT BTW. In the book, he gives a ton of examples of even the most famous people who have been writing about this for years! Know Thyself is one of them! Tons of philosophers have dealt with DP and that's they are so deep and know so much about the human condition and questioned existence in general. That is what we have. We have a deeply philosophical mind and we are extremely introspective and analytical--and at the same time also have an extremely high emotional sensitivity. We are both thinkers and dreamers. We have an overwhelming preoccupation with self-introspection, obsessive analyzing of different issues, and addictive involvement with philosophical inquiries. We are NOT insane--we are TOO SANE! We are so intellectual and analytical with a high sense of emotional IQ that we are not like the average person.

So here's the thing.

What got us here? I researched an actual scientific study on depersonalization (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4275327/) and I will put this into layman's terms as best as possible. The subjects with DP were the ones who had childhood trauma--specifically childhood neglect. THANKS MOM! Yeah, that is absolutely 100% correct. And they also had some other types of trauma happen to them and PTSD was also one of them. I have PTSD from an abusive ex-boyfriend who also drugged me and that is literally the straw that broke the camels back. So here's the deal. People with DP showed on the brain scans that they had a reduction in volume in the right caudate, right thalamus, and right cuneus and an increase in the right postcentral and superior temporal gyri, and left superior frontal gyrus. So what exactly does this mean?

Ill explain...

The thalamus is the part of the brain that regulates consciousness, sleep, and sensory input. This is an area that's severely damaged in a person with DP. The caudate is how the brain learns and how the brain stores and processes memories. The cuneus is for visual processing. So this absolutely explains why people like us have issues with out "consciousness" our sleep, the way we process sensory and visual input and how its all "foggy" and "dream-like" and how the thought of memories is some weird abstract thing we cant seem to comprehend.

So this is where I feel like there is some GOOD NEWS even though hearing that its "damaged" is bad news. In my experience with studying neuroscience--there is a term coined neuroplasticity or BRAIN PLASTICITY which means that the brain has the ability to modify and rewire itself through our entire lifespan. People who experience brain injuries even have the ability to physically recover from them. So think about this--although you and I both know that DP is so f*cking scary because we can't PHYSICALLY pinpoint the issue and it feels like it's in some weird far off dream land in some black abyss, this is still good news for us! We CAN recover. WE CAN! I KNOW WE CAN. NEUROPLASTICITY IS REAL. We just have to try our best to focus and never give up on curing ourselves.

Unfortunately, we got some shitty cards dealt to us at the beginning of our childhood and possibly later in our adulthood but we can reverse the damage. We absolutely can and I know it. I know it, you guys. I know you are all suffering deeply like I am and I know now that so many people are dealing with this and have been for hundreds of years but literally never knew that it was an actual after effect of trauma to the brain. You know how youd hear lyrics or peoples poems saying things like "who am i" "what am i doing here" "who is this person in the mirror" etc--those were all people who suffered and are suffering from DP and may not even have a clue that they have something that ISNT crazy--but actually a REAL after effect of extended trauma. There's even a clear excerpt in Alice in Wonderland that clearly explains that the author was suffering from DP as well: "I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think i can remember feeling a little different. but if I'm not the same, the next question is 'who in the world am I'". This is that feeling we have had where we went all our lives feeling completely normal--a couple of blows here and there--and then suddenly we can all recall waking up one day and going, wait a second, something feels off. All these examples from all these people are found in the book Stranger To Myself. You are SERIOUSLY not alone.

So with this understanding of DP from a scientific study, i then went to research some more. What were things or supplements that i could take or things that i could do that would essentially INCREASE the gray matter in my brain? If the gray matter has decreased in specific areas from the unfortunate trauma and stress, then according to neuroplasticity, I can essentially reverse the damage and create more gray matter (which is essentially a bunch of neurons grouped together. the more neurons, the more connections, the more gray matter) Our brain can and will form new connections throughout life. This is a fact. If it weren't--then we would have no ability to learn new things.

So what are some things that help brain health and also help make the brain literally grow? You've heard some of these things for sure already but there is scientific evidence to back it up. And if we all tried it CONSISTENTLY for months on end, I firmly believe that we will be cured of DP. I know that I would try some of these things but not stay consistent with it, and they helped significantly in the short amount of time that I did them--so imagine weeks, months, and years of doing this. If it took YEARS to damage our brain then it will take some time to reverse the damage.

Yoga.

Juggling.

Meditation.

Playing an instrument.

Omega 3 Fatty Acids

Learning something new

Sex

Aerobic exercise

Intermittent Fasting

Psilocybin Mushrooms.

You can check out the reasons why these help the brain grow from this article written by Dr. Axe https://draxe.com/increase-size-your-brain/

You guys. With dedication--we can overcome. I know it. I believe it. I'm right there with you and know the pain and despair all too well. And sure, when we do these things, we may be thinking of the DP in the background of course--but with diligence, determination, dedication, and consistency, we will all overcome. Everything is possible if you do not give up. We can do this and we will prevail. If you are so f*cking beaten down and broken from this stupid disorder and you really truly and badly want to beat it, we can get through it. Doing nothing and actually fighting it won't do any good so what harm can it do to at least to try and change some crucial aspects of our lives for the better and stay consistent with them? I know, personally, what got me here. You may as well. We all got here by some form of abuse, trauma, or stress. So let's do the opposite, no matter how hard it may be. Let's reverse the trauma, the abuse, the stress. Let's engage in real activities that REALLY make us happy. I don't care if it means climbing mount Everest, or skydiving, or being out in nature for hours--i dont care what it is. but let's find those things that actually give us bliss and STAY COMMITTED to those things every day as if they were oxygen.

You and I are probably the same in the sense that we were or are people who are super empathetic and sensitive and so we lived a life that involved pleasing others or shutting down when someone treated us badly or didn't like us or didn't approve of us etc.

So its time to take the reigns and control our own happiness once and for all and that means we have to stay dedicated to our happiness as if our life depended on it. and frankly, i think it really does depend on it.

I love you guys so much--I know the pain. I get it fully. I love you, stay strong. stay courageous. We will overcome. YOU CAN NEVER FAIL IF YOU NEVER GIVE UP. IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW HUNGRY YOU ARE TO SUCCEED.


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## songflower

Thank you so much.


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## Chiara699

Thank you so much. I really needed to read something so positive.


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## Fromhollandwithlove

Great post, read it in full. Thank you for sharing this with us!


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## Flavius

Well, I can relate to this topic entirely. From my early years in childhood I was always deepthinker, analytical and introverted person.

But, some people with DP here reported that there was no damage in ther brain scans. Brain damage can lead to DP and many other mental and body issues, but generally isn't a cause of DP.


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## brightmorningstar

hi, don't want to excite everyone or anything but, I think I experienced a brief moment I got out of dp dr with Open monitoring awareness meditation, I was doing it for some time like 3-4 months, I just came back to reality and everything was so bright and alive, it was just for 10 mins, then I became obsessive about how it happened then it went away again. Also one Hindu mantra meditation made me so so so much worse that it totally fucked me up. I don't know how to approach anymore to meditations, they do good and they also fuck us up. Also the philosophy is so triggering, they mention of no-self etc. Fuck I already don't feel my sense of self at all, and that philosophy really made me so aware of my thoughts and my ego etc. that I became obsessive about it, I don't know what to do and which practice to do anymore.


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## brightmorningstar

Also I believe good sleep is so important, when my sleep schedule got fucked up, I became like a full blown dp dr zombie guys. Also, living in the present helps, what I mean by living in the present is, just accepting that mentality as your main atittude and letting go of the past and future and just trying to seize the day, it really works against unnecessary garbage.


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## brightmorningstar

Flavius said:


> Well, I can relate to this topic entirely. From my early years in childhood I was always deepthinker, analytical and introverted person.
> 
> But, some people with DP here reported that there was no damage in ther brain scans. Brain damage can lead to DP and many other mental and body issues, but generally isn't a cause of DP.


I had no dp dr at all, I had severe depression, but when I used particular vitamins, and antidepressants and antipsychotics for 2-3 years I became dp dr fully. Thank you for sharing this post, you just gave me the direction in my life to heal myself, I didn't know what I was having, I just opened the forum after a long time and seen your post, I was thinking I was just depressed, but hell, I know when life felt real, I experienced that tiny openings, and I need to maintain those again. Do you have a plan, how are you gonna approach this issue? I have a plan and tools and I'm ready to heal, no more stress no more worrying anymore. I got this shit.


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## albar005

aarossi said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> New to the community because I don't exactly like reading about DP as it makes my anxiety skyrocket and makes everything worse. HOWEVER--I felt compelled to sharing some new information about DP with all of you because I feel that this is super crucial to understand and I will show you the resources that I have found the information from.
> 
> OKAY
> 
> There is one book out there that literally will explain DP so in depth that you may be relieved to know that someone else has been able to put the clearest words onto this condition. The book is called Stranger to Myself by Jeffrey Abugel. I'll be honest that it was a bit difficult to read at parts because of course, like reading about DP can be triggering. However, it really did help to know that someone truly truly truly understood what I was feeling and how common it truly is. DID YOU KNOW that DP is the 3rd most common mental disorder in the world!? He explains in the book that honestly, this has been around for hundreds of years but NO ONE knew how to explain it because it's so hard to explain and it's so abstract that people who don't feel it just think you're crazy. AND YOU ARE NOT BTW. In the book, he gives a ton of examples of even the most famous people who have been writing about this for years! Know Thyself is one of them! Tons of philosophers have dealt with DP and that's they are so deep and know so much about the human condition and questioned existence in general. That is what we have. We have a deeply philosophical mind and we are extremely introspective and analytical--and at the same time also have an extremely high emotional sensitivity. We are both thinkers and dreamers. We have an overwhelming preoccupation with self-introspection, obsessive analyzing of different issues, and addictive involvement with philosophical inquiries. We are NOT insane--we are TOO SANE! We are so intellectual and analytical with a high sense of emotional IQ that we are not like the average person.
> 
> So here's the thing.
> 
> What got us here? I researched an actual scientific study on depersonalization (Grey matter alterations in patients with depersonalization disorder: a voxel-based morphometry study) and I will put this into layman's terms as best as possible. The subjects with DP were the ones who had childhood trauma--specifically childhood neglect. THANKS MOM! Yeah, that is absolutely 100% correct. And they also had some other types of trauma happen to them and PTSD was also one of them. I have PTSD from an abusive ex-boyfriend who also drugged me and that is literally the straw that broke the camels back. So here's the deal. People with DP showed on the brain scans that they had a reduction in volume in the right caudate, right thalamus, and right cuneus and an increase in the right postcentral and superior temporal gyri, and left superior frontal gyrus. So what exactly does this mean?
> 
> Ill explain...
> 
> The thalamus is the part of the brain that regulates consciousness, sleep, and sensory input. This is an area that's severely damaged in a person with DP. The caudate is how the brain learns and how the brain stores and processes memories. The cuneus is for visual processing. So this absolutely explains why people like us have issues with out "consciousness" our sleep, the way we process sensory and visual input and how its all "foggy" and "dream-like" and how the thought of memories is some weird abstract thing we cant seem to comprehend.
> 
> So this is where I feel like there is some GOOD NEWS even though hearing that its "damaged" is bad news. In my experience with studying neuroscience--there is a term coined neuroplasticity or BRAIN PLASTICITY which means that the brain has the ability to modify and rewire itself through our entire lifespan. People who experience brain injuries even have the ability to physically recover from them. So think about this--although you and I both know that DP is so f*cking scary because we can't PHYSICALLY pinpoint the issue and it feels like it's in some weird far off dream land in some black abyss, this is still good news for us! We CAN recover. WE CAN! I KNOW WE CAN. NEUROPLASTICITY IS REAL. We just have to try our best to focus and never give up on curing ourselves.
> 
> Unfortunately, we got some shitty cards dealt to us at the beginning of our childhood and possibly later in our adulthood but we can reverse the damage. We absolutely can and I know it. I know it, you guys. I know you are all suffering deeply like I am and I know now that so many people are dealing with this and have been for hundreds of years but literally never knew that it was an actual after effect of trauma to the brain. You know how youd hear lyrics or peoples poems saying things like "who am i" "what am i doing here" "who is this person in the mirror" etc--those were all people who suffered and are suffering from DP and may not even have a clue that they have something that ISNT crazy--but actually a REAL after effect of extended trauma. There's even a clear excerpt in Alice in Wonderland that clearly explains that the author was suffering from DP as well: "I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think i can remember feeling a little different. but if I'm not the same, the next question is 'who in the world am I'". This is that feeling we have had where we went all our lives feeling completely normal--a couple of blows here and there--and then suddenly we can all recall waking up one day and going, wait a second, something feels off. All these examples from all these people are found in the book Stranger To Myself. You are SERIOUSLY not alone.
> 
> So with this understanding of DP from a scientific study, i then went to research some more. What were things or supplements that i could take or things that i could do that would essentially INCREASE the gray matter in my brain? If the gray matter has decreased in specific areas from the unfortunate trauma and stress, then according to neuroplasticity, I can essentially reverse the damage and create more gray matter (which is essentially a bunch of neurons grouped together. the more neurons, the more connections, the more gray matter) Our brain can and will form new connections throughout life. This is a fact. If it weren't--then we would have no ability to learn new things.
> 
> So what are some things that help brain health and also help make the brain literally grow? You've heard some of these things for sure already but there is scientific evidence to back it up. And if we all tried it CONSISTENTLY for months on end, I firmly believe that we will be cured of DP. I know that I would try some of these things but not stay consistent with it, and they helped significantly in the short amount of time that I did them--so imagine weeks, months, and years of doing this. If it took YEARS to damage our brain then it will take some time to reverse the damage.
> 
> Yoga.
> 
> Juggling.
> 
> Meditation.
> 
> Playing an instrument.
> 
> Omega 3 Fatty Acids
> 
> Learning something new
> 
> Sex
> 
> Aerobic exercise
> 
> Intermittent Fasting
> 
> Psilocybin Mushrooms.
> 
> You can check out the reasons why these help the brain grow from this article written by Dr. Axe https://draxe.com/increase-size-your-brain/
> 
> You guys. With dedication--we can overcome. I know it. I believe it. I'm right there with you and know the pain and despair all too well. And sure, when we do these things, we may be thinking of the DP in the background of course--but with diligence, determination, dedication, and consistency, we will all overcome. Everything is possible if you do not give up. We can do this and we will prevail. If you are so f*cking beaten down and broken from this stupid disorder and you really truly and badly want to beat it, we can get through it. Doing nothing and actually fighting it won't do any good so what harm can it do to at least to try and change some crucial aspects of our lives for the better and stay consistent with them? I know, personally, what got me here. You may as well. We all got here by some form of abuse, trauma, or stress. So let's do the opposite, no matter how hard it may be. Let's reverse the trauma, the abuse, the stress. Let's engage in real activities that REALLY make us happy. I don't care if it means climbing mount Everest, or skydiving, or being out in nature for hours--i dont care what it is. but let's find those things that actually give us bliss and STAY COMMITTED to those things every day as if they were oxygen.
> 
> You and I are probably the same in the sense that we were or are people who are super empathetic and sensitive and so we lived a life that involved pleasing others or shutting down when someone treated us badly or didn't like us or didn't approve of us etc.
> 
> So its time to take the reigns and control our own happiness once and for all and that means we have to stay dedicated to our happiness as if our life depended on it. and frankly, i think it really does depend on it.
> 
> I love you guys so much--I know the pain. I get it fully. I love you, stay strong. stay courageous. We will overcome. YOU CAN NEVER FAIL IF YOU NEVER GIVE UP. IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW HUNGRY YOU ARE TO SUCCEED.


Thanks a lot for the information. I was really looking for it.


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## Ingrid Njono

aarossi said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> New to the community because I don't exactly like reading about DP as it makes my anxiety skyrocket and makes everything worse. HOWEVER--I felt compelled to sharing some new information about DP with all of you because I feel that this is super crucial to understand and I will show you the resources that I have found the information from.
> 
> OKAY
> 
> There is one book out there that literally will explain DP so in depth that you may be relieved to know that someone else has been able to put the clearest words onto this condition. The book is called Stranger to Myself by Jeffrey Abugel. I'll be honest that it was a bit difficult to read at parts because of course, like reading about DP can be triggering. However, it really did help to know that someone truly truly truly understood what I was feeling and how common it truly is. DID YOU KNOW that DP is the 3rd most common mental disorder in the world!? He explains in the book that honestly, this has been around for hundreds of years but NO ONE knew how to explain it because it's so hard to explain and it's so abstract that people who don't feel it just think you're crazy. AND YOU ARE NOT BTW. In the book, he gives a ton of examples of even the most famous people who have been writing about this for years! Know Thyself is one of them! Tons of philosophers have dealt with DP and that's they are so deep and know so much about the human condition and questioned existence in general. That is what we have. We have a deeply philosophical mind and we are extremely introspective and analytical--and at the same time also have an extremely high emotional sensitivity. We are both thinkers and dreamers. We have an overwhelming preoccupation with self-introspection, obsessive analyzing of different issues, and addictive involvement with philosophical inquiries. We are NOT insane--we are TOO SANE! We are so intellectual and analytical with a high sense of emotional IQ that we are not like the average person.
> 
> So here's the thing.
> 
> What got us here? I researched an actual scientific study on depersonalization (Grey matter alterations in patients with depersonalization disorder: a voxel-based morphometry study) and I will put this into layman's terms as best as possible. The subjects with DP were the ones who had childhood trauma--specifically childhood neglect. THANKS MOM! Yeah, that is absolutely 100% correct. And they also had some other types of trauma happen to them and PTSD was also one of them. I have PTSD from an abusive ex-boyfriend who also drugged me and that is literally the straw that broke the camels back. So here's the deal. People with DP showed on the brain scans that they had a reduction in volume in the right caudate, right thalamus, and right cuneus and an increase in the right postcentral and superior temporal gyri, and left superior frontal gyrus. So what exactly does this mean?
> 
> Ill explain...
> 
> The thalamus is the part of the brain that regulates consciousness, sleep, and sensory input. This is an area that's severely damaged in a person with DP. The caudate is how the brain learns and how the brain stores and processes memories. The cuneus is for visual processing. So this absolutely explains why people like us have issues with out "consciousness" our sleep, the way we process sensory and visual input and how its all "foggy" and "dream-like" and how the thought of memories is some weird abstract thing we cant seem to comprehend.
> 
> So this is where I feel like there is some GOOD NEWS even though hearing that its "damaged" is bad news. In my experience with studying neuroscience--there is a term coined neuroplasticity or BRAIN PLASTICITY which means that the brain has the ability to modify and rewire itself through our entire lifespan. People who experience brain injuries even have the ability to physically recover from them. So think about this--although you and I both know that DP is so f*cking scary because we can't PHYSICALLY pinpoint the issue and it feels like it's in some weird far off dream land in some black abyss, this is still good news for us! We CAN recover. WE CAN! I KNOW WE CAN. NEUROPLASTICITY IS REAL. We just have to try our best to focus and never give up on curing ourselves.
> 
> Unfortunately, we got some shitty cards dealt to us at the beginning of our childhood and possibly later in our adulthood but we can reverse the damage. We absolutely can and I know it. I know it, you guys. I know you are all suffering deeply like I am and I know now that so many people are dealing with this and have been for hundreds of years but literally never knew that it was an actual after effect of trauma to the brain. You know how youd hear lyrics or peoples poems saying things like "who am i" "what am i doing here" "who is this person in the mirror" etc--those were all people who suffered and are suffering from DP and may not even have a clue that they have something that ISNT crazy--but actually a REAL after effect of extended trauma. There's even a clear excerpt in Alice in Wonderland that clearly explains that the author was suffering from DP as well: "I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think i can remember feeling a little different. but if I'm not the same, the next question is 'who in the world am I'". This is that feeling we have had where we went all our lives feeling completely normal--a couple of blows here and there--and then suddenly we can all recall waking up one day and going, wait a second, something feels off. All these examples from all these people are found in the book Stranger To Myself. You are SERIOUSLY not alone.
> 
> So with this understanding of DP from a scientific study, i then went to research some more. What were things or supplements that i could take or things that i could do that would essentially INCREASE the gray matter in my brain? If the gray matter has decreased in specific areas from the unfortunate trauma and stress, then according to neuroplasticity, I can essentially reverse the damage and create more gray matter (which is essentially a bunch of neurons grouped together. the more neurons, the more connections, the more gray matter) Our brain can and will form new connections throughout life. This is a fact. If it weren't--then we would have no ability to learn new things.
> 
> So what are some things that help brain health and also help make the brain literally grow? You've heard some of these things for sure already but there is scientific evidence to back it up. And if we all tried it CONSISTENTLY for months on end, I firmly believe that we will be cured of DP. I know that I would try some of these things but not stay consistent with it, and they helped significantly in the short amount of time that I did them--so imagine weeks, months, and years of doing this. If it took YEARS to damage our brain then it will take some time to reverse the damage.
> 
> Yoga.
> 
> Juggling.
> 
> Meditation.
> 
> Playing an instrument.
> 
> Omega 3 Fatty Acids
> 
> Learning something new
> 
> Sex
> 
> Aerobic exercise
> 
> Intermittent Fasting
> 
> Psilocybin Mushrooms.
> 
> You can check out the reasons why these help the brain grow from this article written by Dr. Axe https://draxe.com/increase-size-your-brain/
> 
> You guys. With dedication--we can overcome. I know it. I believe it. I'm right there with you and know the pain and despair all too well. And sure, when we do these things, we may be thinking of the DP in the background of course--but with diligence, determination, dedication, and consistency, we will all overcome. Everything is possible if you do not give up. We can do this and we will prevail. If you are so f*cking beaten down and broken from this stupid disorder and you really truly and badly want to beat it, we can get through it. Doing nothing and actually fighting it won't do any good so what harm can it do to at least to try and change some crucial aspects of our lives for the better and stay consistent with them? I know, personally, what got me here. You may as well. We all got here by some form of abuse, trauma, or stress. So let's do the opposite, no matter how hard it may be. Let's reverse the trauma, the abuse, the stress. Let's engage in real activities that REALLY make us happy. I don't care if it means climbing mount Everest, or skydiving, or being out in nature for hours--i dont care what it is. but let's find those things that actually give us bliss and STAY COMMITTED to those things every day as if they were oxygen.
> 
> You and I are probably the same in the sense that we were or are people who are super empathetic and sensitive and so we lived a life that involved pleasing others or shutting down when someone treated us badly or didn't like us or didn't approve of us etc.
> 
> So its time to take the reigns and control our own happiness once and for all and that means we have to stay dedicated to our happiness as if our life depended on it. and frankly, i think it really does depend on it.
> 
> I love you guys so much--I know the pain. I get it fully. I love you, stay strong. stay courageous. We will overcome. YOU CAN NEVER FAIL IF YOU NEVER GIVE UP. IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW HUNGRY YOU ARE TO SUCCEED.


Needed to hear this today. You are very passionate about this and thanks for the love! Do you think HSP (Highly sensitive people) are more prone to DP? HSP is a genetic.


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## endure

aarossi said:


> Sex


?


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## endure

aarossi said:


> I love you guys so much--I know the pain. I get it fully. I love you, stay strong. stay courageous. We will overcome. YOU CAN NEVER FAIL IF YOU NEVER GIVE UP. IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW HUNGRY YOU ARE TO SUCCEED.


WE SHALL FIGHT TO THE END!


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## endure

brightmorningstar said:


> Also the philosophy is so triggering, they mention of no-self etc. Fuck I already don't feel my sense of self at all, and that philosophy really made me so aware of my thoughts and my ego etc. that I became obsessive about it, I don't know what to do and which practice to do anymore.


I know what you mean, I throw away all that garbage. 
That's the kind of stuff that will make me kill myself instantly, I INSTANTLY wanna just grab a kitchen knife and slit my throat open. The pain from that stuff is unimaginable. 

Every time I ever think about it I shout it down in my mind and crush it. Allowing it to exist would mean certain death.


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## ThystaBoy

I absolutely love this post and the perspective and overall attitude. Only thing I'm missing is some more practical info.


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## ThystaBoy

brightmorningstar said:


> hi, don't want to excite everyone or anything but, I think I experienced a brief moment I got out of dp dr with Open monitoring awareness meditation, I was doing it for some time like 3-4 months, I just came back to reality and everything was so bright and alive, it was just for 10 mins, then I became obsessive about how it happened then it went away again. Also one Hindu mantra meditation made me so so so much worse that it totally fucked me up. I don't know how to approach anymore to meditations, they do good and they also fuck us up. Also the philosophy is so triggering, they mention of no-self etc. Fuck I already don't feel my sense of self at all, and that philosophy really made me so aware of my thoughts and my ego etc. that I became obsessive about it, I don't know what to do and which practice to do anymore.


" I was doing it for some time like 3-4 months, I just came back to reality and everything was so bright and alive, it was just for 10 mins, then I became obsessive about how it happened then it went away again. "

I had a lot of those moments. Huge repersonalization moments, joy, etc.. then disappears.

A bit of hope for both you guys and me. 2 days ago, I realized something. This was something I suspected for long ,but now I'm absolutely sure. What happened was, that I did two absolutely intentional self-sabotage: 1.) I basically let my PC (main work stuff) infected with ransomware 2.) Let my body infected with virus, by not washing hands.

Now, what I mean is, I remember BOTH moments (lack of washing hands, and the download of infected file) and NONE of them were accidents. I don't mean I consciously messed my PC and body up, but definitely, it was no accident.

Then, I asked myself why. And what I have realized, is that I am going after irrational goals.

I am a very good web designer, developer, but my plan was to create a site that actually competes with multi billion dollar companies.

Now, imagine someone is being that perfectionistic. My everyday moments become soo soo hard, and very very little joy, gain, reward feelings, that it is no wonder I end up thinking about useless thoughts. I realized that even the lets-cure-my-dp "work" is in 80% a distraction from the impossible goals I'm setting myself to.

I HOPE this can give you guys some value and help.


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