# Doubting



## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

Is it stupid that this (emotional trauma) is how I got DPDR? When I say this, I'm referring to the circumstances that led up to me developing it. I got DPDR after a breakup with someone online who I had a deep and intense connection with. The relationship was entirely online, no meets in real life or anything. I've been thinking for the last few months about the reason why I got it and it just fills me with doubt. I then and now still don't have a life, so in retrospect it feels odd that this had such a major effect on my mental health. It just feels so different compared to the other reasons why people have gotten DPDR.

Wouldn't you agree that it's stupid? Am I just a pussy for letting me affect me this much?


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## Alan (Jan 26, 2015)

I don't think it's stupid, but even if it was, would that help you in any way?

As (I think) you already know, I suffer from depression, and your post really sounds like depressive self dialogue. The negative way we talk to ourselves becomes such an established habit that it really becomes necessary to take a step back and think about things from a more self compassionate viewpoint, which is likely to be more accurate anyway.

So it is what it is, and regardless of the reasons you do experience DPDR which is hard enough in the first place - If you could imagine yourself as somebody else, and were giving this imaginary person advice, I'm sure you'd probably say it was reasonable that they could give themselves a break.

This is a useful technique, thinking about yourself in the third person. After you've done it a few times it becomes apparent just how unrealistic and unfair the standards you hold yourself to can become.

Labels or name calling is another one to look out for, as well as the word "should".

So I'm having problems with my own negative self talk as it's nearly 5am here and I'm struggling to gather my thoughts into coherent order, but I guess I want to say that it isn't stupid, you're not a pussy, and if you meet yourself where you are honestly with a measure of self compassion this is the starting point for healing.

The "pull your socks up" mentality though probably well meaning isn't going to help you because that isn't where you are emotionally, and regardless of what you do it's impossible to deny your emotional reality - you always "know", if that makes sense.


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

I think the last thing that happens before DPDR can just be the tipping point. By itself it might not be enough to cause DPDR in someone else, but if it adds to a list of heartbreaks and upsets already experienced in other areas of your life then it's an accumulative effect. Having said that, although you didn't actually meet this person you did form a strong emotional attachment, so that disappointment and sadness is real. I have read other people mention a break-up in their list of causes, so I don't think it's stupid.


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