# Help me, i can't live anymore.



## Dumdum (Jun 23, 2013)

Im just gonna try to be fast. Well, i got DR/DP from drugs. First, i tried with acid ( LSD ), and i felt extremely sick, ended up in the hospital and i had hallucinations for like 3 days. I saw worms inside me, inside the bed and inside my food, but everything felt so happy, i was laughting like crazy without a reason, even if the trip was HORRIBLE.

After that experience, i acquired synesthesia, and it works like that for me: when im sad, it's like if everything turns black and white, and i feel like in the middle of the WW2. It's annoying and scary as f*ck, i can't even think about something good because i feel like im full of bullets inside my body.

When im happy, it's like if the whole world turn in a multicolor dancefloor, and i can feel happyness EVERYWHERE, it's just like a cocaine high.

But anyway, i didn't get any DP/DR at all after LSD. It happened when i tried to smoke weed, and it was laced with PCP. A PCP trip it's the most horrible thing that could ever happen to a man, seriously. That trip shocked me for a few days, and in those days, i got my DR/DP. I felt like in a dream, like if my head was in a cloud and i was watching everything from a camera inside my body. It lasted for 7-9 days, but it wasn't so bad afterall.

Now, i didn't took any drug, but i think that ( 1 month ago ), i came in touch with a ricin laced paper. Dunno if it's just my paranoia, but after i touched that paper, i felt like i was going to die, everything turned yellow and my heart was beating faster and faster, i got all shaky and dry. After that event, DR/DP came back, and now it's worse than the other times, because i also get flashbacks from PCP, and i feel like if everything is repeating, i became a lot more sensible with my ears ( i can even ear the air coming inside my ears when i walk ), and everyone and everything sounds and look weird, and i also feel like in a dream, i forget everything about the world and that "everything is repeating" feeling it's making me sick, i can't even talk to anyone because i will probably have a panic attack.

I dont know what to do, please, help me if you can.


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

I'm so sorry u r goin through this, I got DR/DP from anxiety and I mean like "I feel like I am goin to die" anxiety and I've had this for four almost five months. It was so bad the first month that I was put in the ER three times! Then I just started letting myself go and accepted that I am suffering yet at least I still alive. Mainly the thing that really helps me is exercise and distraction. You have to distract your mind from your suffering. I know it's hard, I've been there but we both just have to push through my mantra is "I'm not going to let this thing beat me, I am stronger than this" . The kind of exercise that can help alleviate it is mind meditation and visualization, but I'm actually still working on it. My DP/DR is pretty severe right now but I know one day I will finally realize the DR is getting better. Just sleep good,eat well,exercize and distract your mind. My exercise that seems to help is cycling. It also helps if you are depressed. Just hang on and let your mind heal from this very terrible time you are having. Don't give up, I don't know you but I kno you CAN get through this. PM of you have any more questions about this.

Take care, Annabelle


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

Actually u can't pm me because I am on here rarely so just take my advice.


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## Dumdum (Jun 23, 2013)

The worst thing isn't the DR/DP itself, but those flashbacks and that feeling of "everything is repeating" that torment me in every single minutes of the day, it's like if im tripping 24/7 and i have a lot of important things to do right now, but i can't do it because of this! Im slowly getting suicidal for those weirds feelings.


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

I'm srry  that flashback thing doesn't really sound familiar w/ the symptoms of this condition. And please don't kill yourself? I'm so srry u r going through this.


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## Dumdum (Jun 23, 2013)

Now i see everything moving faster and faster, like when you fast foward a movie. What the actual f*ck is going on with my brain?!


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

O I have that u might have vertigo... just when it happens don't freak out because it makes it worse let yourself go or maybe get an EEG or an MRI


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2013)

Are you getting help? Because it sounds like you need it right now. A forum can't give you all the support you need and I strongly suggest you see someone about this.


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

To me it sounds as if a moment after you touched that paper you had a panic attack, and then your dp started. Sounds like you got drug induced anxiety which in turn induced dp. Just an observation, but i am not always right, and not even sometimes.

here is my 2 cents: you will be ok.


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## Dumdum (Jun 23, 2013)

DreamyLife1997 said:


> O I have that u might have vertigo... just when it happens don't freak out because it makes it worse let yourself go or maybe get an EEG or an MRI


 Is not "when it happens"..im like this 24/7! Like every minute, every hour and every second! Btw i got a MRI check when i was at the hospital ( after LSD ), they said i was ok..



Delicate said:


> Are you getting help? Because it sounds like you need it right now. A forum can't give you all the support you need and I strongly suggest you see someone about this.


I can't get any help..: 1) my mom dont belive me, she thinks that im faking all of this so i can't get any help 2) i already had a "check up" from a psychologist but he was an idiot and he said that i was totally crazy and i needed to stay in a safe place with surveliance.



heartless said:


> To me it sounds as if a moment after you touched that paper you had a panic attack, and then your dp started. Sounds like you got drug induced anxiety which in turn induced dp. Just an observation, but i am not always right, and not even sometimes.
> 
> here is my 2 cents: you will be ok.


The fact is that im still beliving that was paper was laced with poison, and that's why i felt so sick..or maybe it was just a panic attack, but it felt so numb and strange that is difficult to say that was just a panic attack, but maybe your right..


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## killswitchon (Jul 3, 2013)

hey man ive been experiencing this crazy shit for 5 years. its nuts. the first thing i noticed was the "fast forward reality" that i experienced all the time 24/7 every fucking day. never left. in fact it just got worse as each month went by. each symptom just got worse and worse for me. at this point its unbearable. hopefully yours doesn't continue to intensify.


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## Dumdum (Jun 23, 2013)

killswitchon said:


> hey man ive been experiencing this crazy shit for 5 years. its nuts. the first thing i noticed was the "fast forward reality" that i experienced all the time 24/7 every fucking day. never left. in fact it just got worse as each month went by. each symptom just got worse and worse for me. at this point its unbearable. hopefully yours doesn't continue to intensify.


Nothing, im getting better with "trying to live my life", socialize and stuff but..i just feel OK for some hours, then i get really delusional and that feeling comes back again, it's like if the whole world split in 4 parts and i dont even feel like im a human anymore, i forget who im and what im doing, and then anything gets faster and faster..it's fucking annoying, and it makes anything difficult since you start to move really slowly for trying to escape that fast feeling, and the people just looks at you like if your an idiot or a crazy man. I hate my brain.


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## Dumdum (Jun 23, 2013)

Oh, i gotta add something new. During the day im getting a STRONG feeling of euphoria without a reason, it makes me feel ok for a while but then everything turns to black and white again.


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## Dumdum (Jun 23, 2013)

Today, while playing tennis i had another panic attack. I dont even feel like myself anymore, i dont even know where the fuck am im.

I was feeling JUST so good, and that's like a way to understand that im going into another panic attack.

Im really suicidal right now but i can't even find a knife or hold it still without feeling like im inside a tunnel. Soo lucky eh.


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

call for help !!!!!


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## Dumdum (Jun 23, 2013)

My friend who lives next to my house found me laying outside the door and tried to call someone, but those "suicides hotlines" and stuff were all offline. He helped me to get up and now i feel ok, a bit disconnected but ok.


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## DreamyLife1997 (Jun 18, 2013)

I'm glad ur ok ya those panics attacks make u feel like u r goin 2 die...


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