# OCD and being detached from thoughts



## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I don't know how to tell if what I am currently suffering from is OCD or not. I am in this state of mind where i feel constantly detached from my thoughts. I cannot tell what my thoughts are. I am unaware of what's going on in my head. Yet at the same time I feel terrorized by my thoughts. Like I am being terrorized by my thoughts yet I am unaware of what the thoughts even are so there is no way to defend myself and fight back. It feels like my thoughts have blindfolded "me" and are tormenting me yet I am tied down and blindfolded unable to do anything about them, unable to fight back. Unaware of what they really are and what's going on. I don't know what my thoughts are and I don't know how to function in life not knowing what my thoughts are. This is really pissing me off. I feel like it may just be one big OCD monster terrorizing me.

I haven't heard many people talk about feeling detached from thoughts and thought processes on here. If anyone can relate please respond. I had OCD before DP/DR and am beginning to wonder if I have detached from being aware of my thoughts in order to defend myself from the thoughts themselves. I was highly aware of my thoughts before having DP/DR. I had horrible OCD that consisted of disturbing unwanted images, thoughts, and ideas in my head. This plagued me and I am wondering if I have DP/DR to protect myself from these thoughts. Like my mind just had enough of it and decided to turn itself off.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Well I don't know if this is OCD or anxiety but heres my problem. A lot if times I will have random words or phrases or whatever just pop to mind. I always feel like theres SO much shit going on him my mind and it's overwhelming and just stresses me out. So yeah when I get random thoughts pop into mind it makes me feel as if my thought process or whatever isn't mine, even though I know it is.

Soooo distressing man, makes me feel like I am losing it all the time.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> I don't know how to tell if what I am currently suffering from is OCD or not. I am in this state of mind where i feel constantly detached from my thoughts. I cannot tell what my thoughts are. I am unaware of what's going on in my head. Yet at the same time I feel terrorized by my thoughts. Like I am being terrorized by my thoughts yet I am unaware of what the thoughts even are so there is no way to defend myself and fight back. It feels like my thoughts have blindfolded "me" and are tormenting me yet I am tied down and blindfolded unable to do anything about them, unable to fight back. Unaware of what they really are and what's going on. I don't know what my thoughts are and I don't know how to function in life not knowing what my thoughts are. This is really pissing me off. I feel like it may just be one big OCD monster terrorizing me.
> 
> I haven't heard many people talk about feeling detached from thoughts and thought processes on here. If anyone can relate please respond. I had OCD before DP/DR and am beginning to wonder if I have detached from being aware of my thoughts in order to defend myself from the thoughts themselves. I was highly aware of my thoughts before having DP/DR. I had horrible OCD that consisted of disturbing unwanted images, thoughts, and ideas in my head. This plagued me and I am wondering if I have DP/DR to protect myself from these thoughts. Like my mind just had enough of it and decided to turn itself off.


Much of what you describe sounds like internal conflict / unresolved feelings.

*I haven't heard many people talk about feeling detached from thoughts and thought processes on here* This is very familiar to me - have experienced all sorts of dissociations - varying in type, intensity, and permutation. Looking from the outside in an analytical sense, it is fascinating. But living with it can, at times, be very painful (as you are well aware) whereas much is benign as you get your footing.

Because you are unsettled in matters that affect your core self, it creates an OCD like feeling/state. Like trying to find an exit in a dark, smoke-filled room. A divided heart, a divided mind, even a divided conscious. Feelings and non-feelings, thoughts and non-thoughts, awareness and obliviousness - are all out of sync and proportion.

There are many approaches for resolving these issues&#8230;building internal harmony. Until there is internal harmony, you can't have much external harmony. What will work for you, only you can discover. But there are lots of things to try.

As for protection&#8230;there is also just plain overload and confusion.

Hope this helps


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Visual Dude said:


> Much of what you describe sounds like internal conflict / unresolved feelings.
> 
> *I haven't heard many people talk about feeling detached from thoughts and thought processes on here* This is very familiar to me - have experienced all sorts of dissociations - varying in type, intensity, and permutation. Looking from the outside in an analytical sense, it is fascinating. But living with it can, at times, be very painful (as you are well aware) whereas much is benign as you get your footing.
> 
> ...


Wow that is totally me. Thank you for writing that. It helps to see it from an outside perspective. Internal conflict is the name of the game. Also..



> Because you are unsettled in matters that affect your core self, it creates an OCD like feeling/state. Like trying to find an exit in a dark, smoke-filled room. A divided heart, a divided mind, even a divided conscious. Feelings and non-feelings, thoughts and non-thoughts, awareness and obliviousness - are all out of sync and proportion.


That is exactly how i feel 100%. Feelings and non feelings. thoughts and non thoughts. a divided heart, divided mind, divided conscious. I couldn't have said that better myself. It seems you've walked a similar path. Would you mind telling me more?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Visual Dude said:


> Looking from the outside in an analytical sense, it is fascinating. But living with it can, at times, be very painful (as you are well aware) whereas much is benign as you get your footing.


It really is fascinating. It's the hardest and most painful thing i've ever had to endure by far but it really is quite fascinating. Like being in and seeing things from another dimension.


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## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

What you are describing sounds similar to something I used to experience years ago.

I used to wake up in the middle of the night (years before GAD or DP) and have this weird feeling of anxiety about my thoughts. I didn't know what I was actually worried about but it was something I was thinking about. I tried to understand but the most descriptive thing I could think of was a visual image of a giant pillar orbiting earth and... god was gonna smash in into the earth...or a quarter of the earth was going to disappear instantly. I'd go to the bathroom to try an calm down. Looking back on it now I wonder if it was just a prelude to GAD or maybe some kind of psychosis that didn't make it. All I know what that it was psychological torture and that when I awoke I was back to normal.


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## raphus cucullatus (Feb 6, 2008)

This thread is very interesting.

All of this really hit me:

_*"Until there is internal harmony, you can't have much external harmony"*_
_*
"A divided heart, a divided mind, even a divided conscious. Feelings and non-feelings, thoughts and non-thoughts, awareness and obliviousness - are all out of sync and proportion."*_


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Perhaps the first thing to do now (as the now is where we all are) is gaining focus on settling the core self. This stuff tends to make you jump all over the place and thus not make progress, sort of self-feeding chaos. Without determination and focus, healing is hindered.

One of the first things my counselor worked on is the importance of not caring what other people think about you but rather what you think about yourself. This helps pull focus and control into your own hand (you can't do anything about other people, only yourself) which helps unclutter/unfetter oneself. Also, the effort to justify/explain yourself to others wastes energy you need to use elsewhere.

You have to start believing in yourself even if you don't really know what to believe about reality


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