# 13 years of DR, figured i should post here



## thetemplewithin (Mar 23, 2015)

Hey guys/gals, when i was 18 i took mushrooms that would forever change my life.
For 12 years i had on and off DR episodes and for 12 years i thought i was the only one who had it, until a year ago when i went into my deepest DR episode which made me research it to my surprise i wasnt alone.
To start off, i'd like to say ive seen atleast so far the worst that DR has to offer, the darkest shadows thats crippled me,ive experienced everydamn weird sensation that you can think of, in fact from reading this site ive concluded that human beings are not as unique as individuals that we think we are, we are all very much alike. (i couldnt believe that a forum member was experiencing a symptom of leaving the movie theatre and feeling like the movie is still with him,around him, i knew exactly what he meant and it blew my mind), other so called unique symptoms experienced by others blew my mind cuz i could relate.
DR is a total mindfuck, lol i even had a symptom where i felt for a millisecond i was being pulled into the future, how stupid is that? lol.
But regardless of the dark, the fears etc that ive come across in 13 years, at the end of the day i goddamn love my life.
I went from shitting my pants in fear that i have to go somewhere in public to riding a canoe by myself down the amazon river,tears in my eyes at the joy of life.
And ill see the dark again,and ill love life again even more after it passes.
Ive traveled the world,choked up in the middle of a tokyo street,choked up that im actually there. so many great moments.
Now what has helped me?
i would say Zazen for sure.
in a nutshell zazen is a form of meditation in Zen. Its actually the purest form, you might not even call it meditation, cuz meditation implies that your meditating on something but in zazen you're not, you're just sitting. In fact i think most forms of meditation are BS. To put it simple: the thoughts in your brain, the feelings, emotions etc are alot like chewing gum, and when you're sitting with these thoughts etc, eventually they start to lose their flavor and you stop giving a shit about them, but thats not fully it either.The act of sitting( zazen ) trains your body/mind to not react to what comes up, basically sitting is incredibly hard (sucks ass major ass) but zazen is designed to exhaust your resistance to that. 
i'm not gonna get into zen any further but thats what saved me by far the most.If not the only thing.
Soto Zen.
And if im skipping months of zazen,just like getting out of shape if you stop running,, you damn rights DR will get the best of me.
Anyways thought i'd share, but go out to a restuarant tonight and eat something incredibly delicious, if you sit with it long enough, and look closely,(who knows could take years!)but long enough for all that mental incessant noise to settledown,than you'll see that the food you're eating is made of precious diamonds, and you were never ever alone, just like when you were a kid playing in the mud,in awe and excited by the rain,the rain was made of diamonds,and you were connected,without fear,you were the king and you were never ever alone,you need to find your way back to that kid,whatever way you can,cuz hes waiting for you and he misses you so goddamn much.


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## apeezy (May 2, 2016)

This is all amazing. I'm glad you are feeling so happy with your life despite of everything. Wish we could all do that. Sounds like a fairy tale really.


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