# Anxiety?, depression, mental discomfort



## stillhaventfound (Jan 19, 2012)

I have few phobias, but I'm always worried about being unauthentic and not communicating well enough. (on the last note I might just be a little OCD.) For the past six months I have felt incredibly stressed, drained and depressed for what seems like no reason. My heart never races, I only sometimes have shortness of breath, never feel like the worst is going to happen--yet I ALWAYS feel so on edge, unable to relax, unable to enjoy _anything_. I've had anxiety issues in the past, mainly social, which began probably 5-6 years ago. I lost a lot of friendships and began to feel really empty and apathetic, and very disconnected from the new friends I did make. About three years ago I got extremely depressed, mostly about being (or just feeling) so withdrawn. I've never been suicidal but it's rare that I'm truly happy. I started to spend a lot of time thinking--trying to figure _everything _out, and trying to plan how I would get back to really being myself. In 2011, I pushed myself a lot; still unhappy, but taking steps towards becoming less stuck inside myself. It was more about making other people happy, really. But as time went on I started to realize that I was even more depressed than I had been when I was doing nothing, feeling sorry for myself. I felt empty and on edge all the time, unable to see find joy in anything--even during my most pessimistic (wallowing-in-sorrow) depressive period (08-10) I'd felt so blown away by the beauty of everything.

So six months ago this escalated. Better attitude, incredibly worse feelings. I felt not just disconnected from others, or from who I wanted to be, but from _myself_. This has never happened before, I've always had a strong sense of self. Since then my mind has never been relaxed and I've never been happy; most of the time, consciousness is excruciating. It's like there's no homeostasis, I'm at a really uncomfortable place in my mind and I can't come down to someplace solid and peaceful. I also have gone from being an A student to failing 3 of my classes because doing my work is so overwhelming (though I'm overwhelmed just sitting doing nothing.) I used to be a person who was always laughing and making other people laugh, but that's seriously changed. I'm just totally drained, constantly.

It also seems like this psychological unrest is somehow tied in with physical discomfort in my head? I know I probably sound like a hypochondriac, but I'm really not--I never worry about my health. Anyway it's like the back and middle of my head are extremely uncomfortable all the time, there's a lot of pressure and fogginess. Went to the doctor, first treated it as if it were a sinus problem. Didn't help. She thought it might be muscle tension, so I went to a masseuse--it never relieves my unease and my muscle tension always comes back. So I'm thinking if there is a physical cause, it must be thyroid related? Aaand I'm probably going to try these natural supplements (from someplace called Shaklee) that supposedly help repair the damage stress has on the brain. It's also possible I have Lyme disease but I kinda doubt it.

(When I say I'm worried about being unauthentic, it's like...I'm always hyper-aware of a wide range of possible choices to make, and I just feel so un-genuine because I think so much before I act. I'm not a nervous person, in general, and actually seem to be much more spontaneous than the average person, but--anyway it's probably just an effect of social avoidance)

so...anyone else feel like this? / what do you think it is?
& I'm not sure whether I should tell my doctor I have anxiety, 'cause I don't know if that's what it actually is.
thanks :]


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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

hey..I can really relate to this. I've had problems with social withdrawal and anxiety for five years now. The whole time I've felt really disconnected from people in general. I've felt empty, on edge, tense and unable to enjoy anything. Like you said, even doing nothing at all is exhausting (mentally.)

I would say its probably anxiety and depression. They say that happyness comes from relationships with other people.. thats the problem I have.. I don't have good relationships with other people. I've become so withdrawn its taken a huge toll.


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## stillhaventfound (Jan 19, 2012)

Lostwanderer said:


> hey..I can really relate to this. I've had problems with social withdrawal and anxiety for five years now. The whole time I've felt really disconnected from people in general. I've felt empty, on edge, tense and unable to enjoy anything. Like you said, even doing nothing at all is exhausting (mentally.)
> 
> I would say its probably anxiety and depression. They say that happyness comes from relationships with other people.. thats the problem I have.. I don't have good relationships with other people. I've become so withdrawn its taken a huge toll.


hey, thanks for the response. yeah, those are probably major factors, but I had felt like I was on the brink of recovering from depression/anxiety...ugh.

I hope everything gets better for you.


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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

stillhaventfound said:


> hey, thanks for the response. yeah, those are probably major factors, but I had felt like I was on the brink of recovering from depression/anxiety...ugh.
> 
> I hope everything gets better for you.


Hey no problem, I just read your post and it was weird how much i could relate..
Unfortunately I've been there, where it seems like you're recovering but it just comes back..after a few times feeling like that I just decided to try medication.

Its interesting to find that I'm not the only one who has worried over being inauthentic. I've always had that kind of social anxiety. It seemed to get a lot worse to the point where I strted feeling depersonalized. I think was probably a factor in all of this..
About the discomfort in the head..I would be inclined to say its anxiety causing the pressure. I've had the same level of pressure in my head, and since i have anxiety a lot it it stays. Muscle tension most likely the culprit. For me its very hard to make it go away, it tneds to just go away on its own when my anxiety does.

Anyway, thanks and I hope the same for you


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Sounds like a psychologist would help. If you've been having problems for years and years professional help would be the next step.


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## stillhaventfound (Jan 19, 2012)

kate_edwin said:


> Sounds like a psychologist would help. If you've been having problems for years and years professional help would be the next step.


I find it hard to believe a psychologist could help, honestly. I saw a therapist once and it seemed incredibly futile. I'm introspective enough to know what's going on with me, and I know all the different ways you're supposed to deal with these sort of things...thanks, though.


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## Guest (Mar 30, 2012)

stillhaventfound said:


> I find it hard to believe a psychologist could help, honestly. I saw a therapist once and it seemed incredibly futile. I'm introspective enough to know what's going on with me, and I know all the different ways you're supposed to deal with these sort of things...thanks, though.


I have zero results with psychologists.


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