# Marijuana + Panic attack = Depersonalization + Anxiety



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

Helloooo to everyone.
My name's David, I'm 15 years old and I live in Montreal, Canada. I've had depersonalization for a little over a year now, and despite my attempt at keeping a positive attitude, it IS getting stressful, depressing, aggrivating, frightening, so many words to describe it. While I do keep telling myself that It'll pass, or I'll get used to it, or it will get better, it never seems to happen. This dissorder is, for lack of a better word, a bitch. Not one of those regular bitches you see at a shopping mall or something, but like... a huge, hairy one who steals your stuff. That's pretty much the most I can say to state how I feel about it. I try to stay positive, but it's very hard having it always on your back, no matter how much you try to forget it's there. But calling it a "dissorder" doesn't seem to be enough for me, because it feels like definately more than just a "dissorder".

It started way back in. . . November 2007. I had gone to my good friend's house, hoping to make some youtube videos (musician), but ended up smoking weed. I remember thinking "awesome, that'll just make us sound better". Unfortunately, we didn't actually get to playing our music, because the weed had taken a bad effect on me, and I started to panic, palpitations and everything. I told him I didn't feel good, ran home in the freezing cold, only to find myself locked out. No one was home. Luckily, I found my key in my jacket with like 50 pockets, and opened the door. My vision blurred, I walked up to my room, and I recall crouching in a corner and telling myself I'm going to be fine. During this crouching and talking to myself, the wind was building up, and after a few lights flickering, the power went completely out. It was about 10:30 PM, lights out, panicking on weed, and I couldn't see a THING. I ran downstairs, probably fell a few times, and found myself with teary eyes, watching Star Treck. I do in fact remember that I was watching Star Treck. It was a dull episode though, it didn't really get my mind off of things like I expected. My parents got home, lights were on at this point, saw that I was extremely pale, shivering and sweating, and tried to comfort me as best as they could. They checked my heart pulse, which was at nearly 160-170 bpm if I remember correctly.

Every since that day, about a year ago, I've been haunted by this "fat and hairy" bitch of a dissorder, and though I thought it was getting better at one point, it came SCREAMING back to me a few months ago. The DP has caused me to be incredibly anxious, my hands are always freezing, and when I'm at home it isn't as bad, but when I'm at school, or out anywhere, it is worse. Now, I HATE to do oral presentations, and I always stress like mad, but I have oral presentation assignments very often in my classes. Whenever I go up, I suddenly feel kind of dizzy, looking at everyone and having them stare back at me scares me now, but it never did before. Then all of the sudden, my head might start to spin for a second, I might feel very nauscious for a split second, and BAM, I find myself standing on that line between fake and real. Being the extrovert that I am, it is not like me to hate doing orals. I used to LOVE doing orals, and was never nervous with them. Well... certainly not like I am now. Other times, however, anxiety has nothing to do with it. I could be watching TV, playing guitar or keyboards, writing a poem, talking to my mom, and it'll just happen. It will hit me almost like a wave. Suddenly, I feel terrible, frightened, haunted, robot-like, as if I'm dreaming but my eyes are open, or as if I'm outside of my body, but I can still move and think normally. My words come out fine, maybe some slurrs here and there, but I can't feel myself talking. I just do, and even if I can control it fine, It's like I'm talking without realising it. Depending on the severity of the episode, or how much I am panicking, it normally goes away after an hour, sometimes 2, sometimes more.

I'm in a progressive/technical metal band ever since about 5 months ago. We are beginning to write original pieces, along with our huge setlist of covers. My dream isn't to become a huge star, not to become known, not to have everyone on the planet want to be me, or to have a billion fans, but just to be able to play shows with my band. Simple as that. I just want to play concert shows with my band. But when you think about it, a concert show is a bit like an oral presentation. Eyes are all on me, ears are all focusing on me, I'm the center of attention. The old me, who was not scared of being on stage or on display, would be incredibly excited and looking forward to these types of shows. The new, depersonalized me does not look forward to it, even though it is my dream. It kills me to think that I'm going to have to play shows with this lurking, and hanging on my back. The fact that I might get one of these terrifying episodes ON STAGE, just like in front of a class while doing an oral, scares the hell out of me. I try to stay very positive, but if there's one thing that scares me the most, on thing that gets me a bit misty, is the thought of not being able to play and enjoy shows with my band. It's more terrifying than my depersonalization.

I went to my pediatrician today, told her all about what I've been feeling, I told her that I was pretty sure I have DP (even if I am now 100% sure that I have it) and she giggled. She then told me that it was anxiety. Maybe it is anxiety, but that anxiety is BECAUSE of the depersonalization problem that I have in the first place. I try to explain this to my parents, but they don't care. They think it's all in my head, and that a doctor knows best, but she basically didn't even acknowledge the fact that I DO have DP. I'm kind of sure of the fact.

Anyway, I went there seeking refferals to good psychologists, but she ended up recommending some psychiatrists instead. This caught me by surprise, but she told me the difference between the two, and it does make more sence to me. My parents haven't called yet, but they will soon.
I'm here, praying that the treatment that I get from the psychiatrist will help.

All in all, I'm a very happy person. Well, forcing myself to be positive doesn't help as much as it might seem. I can't concider myself entirely happy NOW, until I am somewhat passed this, which seems like it could never happen. 
I know it will happen, and I know it will get better.
I have faith in myself, and I have faith in all of you who are in their rougher days of Depersonalization. 
Hang in tight.

If anyone has anything to say at all, it would be really comforing. 
Similar stories, words of wisdom, even a simple "you're going to be fine" would help.

David =)


----------



## ragdollannie (Apr 27, 2008)

david, i haven't read any postings for quite some time on this web site... i just want to say, your story is touching and well written.... you are obviously intelligent... you articulate very well. 
i am sorry to hear that you feel like your parents don't care. i think the whole concept of DP is impossible for people to grasp if they have not experienced it... like trying to describe color to a blind person... they don't 'get' it. don't be too hard on them, what comes across as not caring can sometimes be more about not being able to 'get' this... i am not trying to pretend i know your relationship with them, but being a parent myself, i do think it was sometimes difficult to relate to my son's world, just because it is so different than the world i lived in when i was young. he thought i didn't care but truth was i loved him more than anything in the world but just as he didn't 'get' what it was to be in my shoes, i couldn't understand his world either.

anyway, hopefully finding others on here will help you not feel alone. i have had DP my entire adult life and am convinced there is a reason why our mind does this... i agree, anxiety part of it. i think it is deeply rooted anxiety, probably a combination of genes, personality and from dysfunction in early childhood. i don't know how or why it seems that marijuana locks it in, maybe it is like something we learn and then we can't unlearn <?> if that makes sense... can't take the koolaid out of the water. a reaction to extreme stress, like when things go into slow motion during a car wreck... our mind goes into this feeling unreal state when we are dealing with something that is just too much to deal with. i can tell you that it has gotten less scary as time goes by... less intense... and after years and years, it becomes the 'familiar'... the shifting back and forth between feeling unreal and feeling real is not mind shattering any longer... sometimes i see DP as a blessing. it is a soft place to land in a pretty harsh world.
i hope you keep writing on here and talk to others about your feelings... you are not alone.... and we're all in the same boat.
good luck.


----------



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

ragdollannie said:


> david, i haven't read any postings for quite some time on this web site... i just want to say, your story is touching and well written.... you are obviously intelligent... you articulate very well.
> i am sorry to hear that you feel like your parents don't care. i think the whole concept of DP is impossible for people to grasp if they have not experienced it... like trying to describe color to a blind person... they don't 'get' it. don't be too hard on them, what comes across as not caring can sometimes be more about not being able to 'get' this... i am not trying to pretend i know your relationship with them, but being a parent myself, i do think it was sometimes difficult to relate to my son's world, just because it is so different than the world i lived in when i was young. he thought i didn't care but truth was i loved him more than anything in the world but just as he didn't 'get' what it was to be in my shoes, i couldn't understand his world either.
> 
> anyway, hopefully finding others on here will help you not feel alone. i have had DP my entire adult life and am convinced there is a reason why our mind does this... i agree, anxiety part of it. i think it is deeply rooted anxiety, probably a combination of genes, personality and from dysfunction in early childhood. i don't know how or why it seems that marijuana locks it in, maybe it is like something we learn and then we can't unlearn <?> if that makes sense... can't take the koolaid out of the water. a reaction to extreme stress, like when things go into slow motion during a car wreck... our mind goes into this feeling unreal state when we are dealing with something that is just too much to deal with. i can tell you that it has gotten less scary as time goes by... less intense... and after years and years, it becomes the 'familiar'... the shifting back and forth between feeling unreal and feeling real is not mind shattering any longer... sometimes i see DP as a blessing. it is a soft place to land in a pretty harsh world.
> ...


Annie,
thank you for having the kindness and patience to actually go through with reading my thread. I know it is long, but even so, if I had gone on about what I feel, it could have been much longer. This is just the outline. It comforts me, though, to know that at least SOMEONE actually read my story. I didn't expect it 
Thank you for your kind words too, and while I do realize that it is like "describing color to a blind person" (clever ;]), it can just be very aggrivating, but I've learned to live with it. Hopefully, with time, I'll learn to live with DP like you have.

Out of curiosity, have you ever seen a therapist of some sort to cope with this? I'm just curious because as I said, my parents will be calling a therapist soon.

Thanks again,
David


----------



## westy (Dec 16, 2008)

Hey David. I?m sorry to hear about all the pain you are going through. I too can relate to many things you speak about. I found this website yesterday and was shocked to see so many people with the same symptoms as me. When I have my episodes, I find myself feeling like I am outside my body. Talking to people sometimes triggers my symptoms. It?s as if I can hear myself talk, like it?s not really me talking, almost like I am observing myself. Sometimes when I walk, it feels like my legs aren?t attached to my body. I find myself uninterested in anything my friends have to say. I pretend like I care about their problems, but I don?t. Instead I just go through the motions to try and appear like a normal person with a heart. It seems as though the only thing I care about is comforting other people with DP. I feel like my whole life is one big stage play where I just go through the motions and say things that I think are appropriate to the context of the situation.

In response to the issue you have with public speaking, I would recommend a drug called bata blockers. I have the same problem with public speaking as you do only my fear didn?t start until University. Take a bata blocker 40min before your presentation and you will be as steady as a rock. It?s a pretty common drug and a lot of performers take it before they go on stage. The pounding heart, shaky hands, shaky voice which probably happen when you present, disappear when you take this drug. Give it a shot. Good luck pal.


----------



## Crimson (Dec 20, 2008)

Everything you write is so familiar, I can relate to your story more than you can imagine.

I might be more than twice your age now, but I'm also a metalhead and guitar player who used to smoke a bit of marijuana. In my first couple of months with severe DP, I was so messed up I didn't think life would be worth living. I'm way past that now. Even if the DP is not completely gone, I've had peroids of years at a time where I hardly ever thought about it. Low level anxiety and no panic episodes. I found music to be very cathartic. Listening to music and playing guitar has helped me a lot.


----------



## BrerRyan (Dec 3, 2008)

Marijuana induced Depersonalization is from regret, which makes trauma, which then makes Depersonalization. Let go of that night and you will be better.


----------



## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Regret? I thought it involved the serotonergic axis.


----------



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

I want to thank all the kind people who replied to this thread. Being able to express how I feel, and bleed my heart out, and actually have people understand me, which I've never had before I found this website, is really a great feeling. I'm comforted to be a part of a forum dedicated to depersonalization. 
Being able to put a name on "feeling wierd" is another thing that brings me hope.

Westy, thanks for informing me on Data Blocker. It definitely sounds interesting and I'm going to look into it as soon as possible.

Crimson, you're story seems like it would be a tough one, but I'm incredibly glad you're past the hardest part.
It feels great to be able to relate to someone so closely, and to know that I'm not the only one who got it from marijuana. I never how many people got it from marijuana, I was under the impression that it's triggered from traumatic experiences or a bad childhood. Anyway, thanks a lot! Hope to see you around on the forum.
Stay metal \m/*,*

To everyone else, thank you very much, again.
I can't express the comfort I receive from all of you, and I don't think you know the impact you have on me.

Stay strong everyone, 
I hope to see more replies to this thread, but if I don't, I'm more than satisfied with what I got out of this.

Thanks 
David


----------



## invisible.ink (Feb 2, 2007)

Your pediatrician giggling at you struck a chord with me. I had a social worker laugh at me when I tried to tell her what was wrong with me. It seriously pissed me off. I've also received eye rolling, impatient sighs and those looks that say, "Oh come on! Are you serious?" when dealing with various medical and mental health professionals. This is why raising awareness is so important.
I hope you find the help you need and I hope you, well all of us really, feel better soon.


----------



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

invisible.ink said:


> Your pediatrician giggling at you struck a chord with me. I had a social worker laugh at me when I tried to tell her what was wrong with me. It seriously pissed me off. I've also received eye rolling, impatient sighs and those looks that say, "Oh come on! Are you serious?" when dealing with various medical and mental health professionals. This is why raising awareness is so important.
> I hope you find the help you need and I hope you, well all of us really, feel better soon.


Stories like that piss me right off. How can people be so narrow-minded and insensitive?
It's just the fact that trying to make people understand this feeling is like "trying to explain color to a blind person" if they haven't experienced it for themselves.
I gather the psychiatrist isn't going to be that way, because then he wouldn't be doing his job, right?
Anyway, I we CAN raise awareness, it would be good for all of us.

Thanks for replying


----------



## ragdollannie (Apr 27, 2008)

i am sorry i didn't respond awhile back. been going through a rough spot trying to adjust to a move... how are you doing? did you go to counseling?


----------



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

ragdollannie said:


> i am sorry i didn't respond awhile back. been going through a rough spot trying to adjust to a move... how are you doing? did you go to counseling?


I'm only going after the holidays, hopefully as soon as possible.
I'm having a rough time, DP-wise, but I'm surviving, and I'm not incredibly depressed, which is good.

Thanks a lot for checking in!
I hope you're doing okay.

Your avatar scares me by the way :lol: 
I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm a little girl trapped in a guy's body. :wink:


----------



## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Same thing happened to me david...hang in there. If it helps, know that you aren't alone. My story is so similar to yours and actually comforts me as well to know people are in the same "hairy bitch" that I am  Marijuana is becoming real popular in setting mentality problems lately, whether it is causing DP/DR like it has to many others, or even chronic depression.


----------



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

meghan28 said:


> Same thing happened to me david...hang in there. If it helps, know that you aren't alone. My story is so similar to yours and actually comforts me as well to know people are in the same "hairy bitch" that I am  Marijuana is becoming real popular in setting mentality problems lately, whether it is causing DP/DR like it has to many others, or even chronic depression.


Thanks for replying =)
I know, and I used to think marijuana was harmless.
It's important not to regret though, because that'll just make matters worse.
All the weed did was trigger what was already there.

Out of curiosity, are you seeing a therapist ATM? I'm going to be seeing one soon and I don't no what to expect
So I'm trippin' hard here 
I was learning to cope with my DP on my own, and I honestly thought I was getting passed it. But now I have all this extra anxiety which brings me back to where I started - annoyed and frightened - except a lot harder to cope with. That's why I'm filling out forms for a psychiatrist at the moment.

Anyway, good luck to you =]
Hopefully we can both get passed this, along with everyone else.
Keep in touch


----------



## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I'm not seeing a therapist because my mom doesn't think it's that serious... but I would like to. Don't be nervous, everything will be fine...I wish I could go to therapy 

Tell me how it goes!


----------



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

meghan28 said:


> I'm not seeing a therapist because my mom doesn't think it's that serious... but I would like to. Don't be nervous, everything will be fine...I wish I could go to therapy
> 
> Tell me how it goes!


If you really want to go to therapy, maybe you should try showing your mom this website.
Maybe if she was a bit more informed on the subject she would understand.
But again, it's impossible to explain such a thing to someone who hasn't experienced it.
If only they knew...

Anyway, therapy is more important if you have the extra anxiety or stress or depression along with your DP.
I'm not sure where you stand on that.

I'll let you know how the therapy went =)


----------



## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

WeCanDoThis said:


> meghan28 said:
> 
> 
> > I'm not seeing a therapist because my mom doesn't think it's that serious... but I would like to. Don't be nervous, everything will be fine...I wish I could go to therapy
> ...


Well, lately I am suffering from depression...
As you said, it's so hard explaining such a thing to someone who has never seen it through their own eyes...I mean, thinking of myself Pre-DP I would've never even believed it was possible to have such a thing... I've told my mom about these forums and how I find comfort in them but she just tells me how I can't "diagnose myself" because I don't have it. But the symptoms people describe are exactly like mine.


----------



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

Ah, the old "self-diagnosing is wrong" thing.
I hate that. I get it all the time, and it bugs me, because I KNOW this is what I have.
And yea, the symptoms read like a checklist of everything I've been feeling. I can't imagine it being anything other than depersonalization.


----------



## Guamboy (Jan 8, 2009)

We can do this. ofcourse we can? Let me intoduce myself. Hi everyone. My name is BERT, I am a 33 year old single father who is also suffering from DP for 13 years now. I know it's really hard, especially when you had it for such a long time, it seems like there's no way out. Mine started also when I smoked pot one time during college and ended up in the hospital. I think it was some kind of reaction....I ended up getting a really bad Anxiety attack as my heart felt like it was going a hundred miles per hour. Since then i just never felt like my old self. I also ended up Developing Chronic Depression and chronic fatigue. It was so severe that I started getting physical pains everywhere. Doctors always referred me to a mental institution and took prescriptions, but they did nothing. I also found out the dangers these prescriptions can do to you so now I fear taking them. I've had many broken relationships and I have isolated myself with family and friends. My whole life was going on a downward spiral, not until two years ago when I found what I think is the "TRUE" cure for all this. I am now about 90% cured from this.

I have done so much research the past 13 years, and I have found the one and only thing that can cure me without the need of drugs. I found out that most people with these "mind related" symptoms were those who were Talented, creative, sensitive, and intelligent ones. The problem increases because of emotions and feelings that start in our minds. In other words "Toxins create it" and because we are highly creative, and sensitive,it is "YOU" who created it. In our modern Society, we all tend ot look outside of ourselves. We look for "labels" and a pill that we can just take to make it go away even for an hour; and we talk to people like our close friends and family and we just keep searching and searching and searching and looking around for someone to tell us "YES, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND YOU.... AND THIS IS THE MAGIC PILL FOR IT" ...then all they say is it's in your head. Then we get PISSED! You become even more frustrated and by the time we are done searching, you will all end up developing more disorders like ANXIETY and DEPRESSION and CHRONIC FATIGUE. Do you see the patern? We humans, tend to exclude to find anything within ourselves because we are comfort seeking beings. The only "LASTING" comfort you're going to get is the comfort that is from within you, not from others... especially those who never have experienced it. That is how I developed ANXIETY and DEPRESSION and could not be cured for such a long time! STOP LOOKING FOR LABELS PEOPLE!!! What do you want society to call you? There is no "True" terminoligy to explain it. Doing this and thinking that way will make you worse!! WE naturally think too much and over alayze things too much in the first place....it is our nature because we are different from the rest, but you guys have to stop it! I am especially talking to those who just realized that they have DP or DR. Don't make it worse for you!!

Anyway.... Excuse my tone of context.....I found out that there are many who are sensitive to drugs, and when we took it, it triggered Anxiety. Why? well it's simple....BECAUSE IT IS A TOXIN and we are sensitive to it. What makes the anxiety worse? "FEAR"!!!! Yes, Fear is what fuels anxiety and the more you think about "what's wrong with me?" or "what if" questions, like "what if I will go crazy" or "what if I will never be normal"..etc. etc. The longer it will be for you to heal. WHY???? well again...it is simple....YOUR THOUGHTS CREATE TOXINS! This is what they are all keeping from us. Folks, keep in mind that we are CREATIVE, SENSITIVE and INTELLIGENT, and even TALENTED ones all at the same time. Take a good look at how many in this forum who are Musicians, artists, and who are very smart. I am myself a vocalist and an artist, although I don't use it to make money...it soothes me.

So my suggestion to someone who experience even a slight difference of their well being, keep it simple alright?Just "KNOW" that there is something wrong....and don't freak out...don't spend hours and hours of time trying to find a "LABEL" for yourself and what's going on with you, like "do I have DP or am I schitzophrenic?"....because that will trigger FEAR and you will get WORSE! Do not expect ANYONE to understand you, because you have to ACCEPT that there is a problem, and that YOU created it....and that YOU....can heal it....using nature's tool....your MIND. If you keep looking for someone to comfort you all the time, then you are telling yourself that "you" cannot deal with the problem yourself and you will develop CHRONIC DEPRESSION!! Do you ever question yourself why in the animal kingdom, they heal alot faster and are more independant? It's because they dont have "what if" thinking and don't spend hours and hours to try and find "LABELS" for themselves...they already know there's something wrong and use common sense for healing. Yes, they have alot more common sense than we realize.

I do not have PANIC ATTACKS ANYMORE for the past two years. I have not been DEPRESSED for the past two years....I still have a bit of lightheadedness, but that's it! I am living a normal life with my beautiful daughter and I can't wait for my full recovery.

Here are a few tips for you all.

ACCEPT that there is something wrong and it is just a phase. Truthfully it is supposed to be temporary, but our mind keeps feeding itself negative thoughts that it slows down the healing process. Those Detatchment from relity feeling (whatever you want to call it) is your brain's way of protecting itself. It is on vacation mode for healing. Would you feed your children candy every day of their lives? Ofcourse not! In the same mannery don't feed your brain negative thoughts if you want a faster recovery! You are the RULER of your mind! When you get those negative thoughts and feelings.....try and catch yourself and convert those negative thoughts immidiately to positive ones....I know it's not easy, but the more you do it, the easier it will be... it's like you're making yourself aware that "YOU" are creating the toxins and by changing your thuoghts IMMEDIATELY, you are uncreating the toxins or preventing yourself to get worse. I will not lie to you...it will be hard for the first 6 months of doing it everyday.

If you feel like you are about to have an anxiety attack...INVITE IT IN ACCEPT IT IN....tell yourself "bring it on" then breathe in for about four seconds...then breathe out very slowly....trying to do it without a sound..for 6 seconds.... doing this will slow down your heartbeat. keep doing it until you feel it is gone. By accepting it in... what you are doing is telling yourself you are stronger than it.... this will take away alot of FEAR.

Spend one day out of the week where you can spend time with "others". Like friends...Family, etc. and when you are with them, don't talk too much about your problems as this will start to bring in the negative thoughts again... try to block out the negative thoughts. IF your thoughts say " I don't like the weather, I don't want to go outside, I feel lazy." .....then you say "oh no you don't..., you're not going to ruin my day and slow down my healing process! I WILL GET WELL". If you are a musician, continue what you are doing and go forward with your dream.

Stay away from sweets, caffeene and alcohol. drink 8 glasses of water a day and sleep 8 hours a day if you want a faster recovery.

Another thing that would help is think about what matters to children. How they think. Do you think they have a track of time. No.. all they want to do is things that make them happy and fun! Be a kid at least once a week! Do something fun and laugh. Play like a child. Get into something new. Meet new people. Don't give a shit about what people will think about you!Do not be "AFRAID OF CHANGE" as it is another form of fear. Think about it this way: We are all here on earth to experience things in life. What would Happiness be without experiencing Sadness? What would Strength be without experiencing weakness? What would Success be without experiencing failure? All the positive things in life will not be enjoyed to the full extent until we "experience" the opposite. Hang around with positive people. Positive people have better aura's. I'm saying ditch your friends if they are negative. I'm saying reach out to other people, and spend a little less time with your friends until you realize that you are getting better. Don't be afraid to "be in love" with someone.

You will become more greatfull with your life as I am with mine at this moment. You have been beating yourself up every day that your mind has to go in what I call (vacation mode). It is the least thing it can do to protect itself......from "YOU".

Another thing that will help....if you don't have a pet, you should get one. It is important have one who will unconditionally love you unconditionally. This will help especially to those who are depressed. The worse thing to do is to sit around doing nothing. There is so much to do.

ok...that's it for now....


----------



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

Guamboy said:


> We can do this. ofcourse we can? Let me intoduce myself. Hi everyone. My name is BERT...


Thank you, thank you, thank you, Bert.
You've opened my eyes a bit more. Ever so slightly, but still one step closer to being at peace with myself.
Acceptance is incredibly hard, but I've accepted it. What else can I do, besides accept it?
I try hard not to dwell, though the more I try not to, the more I do.
I barely go on this website anymore, ever since people here started scaring the living shit out of me.
Negative thoughts are the majority of the thoughts that ARE consumed when reading people's stories, reading people's ANYTHING, or reflecting on your own experience.
My question to you is, if you're doing so well, why would you come back? Why would you visit this website?

Anyway, that is besides the point.
Everything you gave is nothing but great advice, your words are strong and inspiring, sometimes a bit overwhelming but who cares?
I get a gigantic amount of anxiety when I have to hang out with friends.
Not when they come over, only when I'm in public!Especially if they are unfamiliar, or if we go somewhere unfamiliar, or loud, or both :shock: 
This is the worst, because I HATE being with friends.
I do it anyway, except I always dread making plans, and end up obsessing over it.
"Don't think about it!" people tell me.
Boy, could I just throw a drop-kick at someone who tells me that.
Anxiety is uncontrollable for me.
I need the drugs.
Bad attitude, I know. But I need 'em.

I was lucky enough not to be too depressed, but coming back here certainly brings it out of me.
Anyway,
Thank you for your words, I hope you have a wonderful life, and congratulations.
Hopefully, I will one day be in the same place as you, but for now, I'll just live life.

But I DO have some obsessing and panicking over hanging out with the girl I like at her house to do, so I'll leave you with that.
Peace out


----------



## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

WeCanDoThis said:


> Guamboy said:
> 
> 
> > We can do this. ofcourse we can? Let me intoduce myself. Hi everyone. My name is BERT...
> ...


----------

