# Heading in the right direction...



## berlin

I have come here, by the way of 'experiences with medication' (my post on stopping cipramil) in the hope that this will be a more appropriate place for my observations.

Stopping Cipramil has proved to be a turning point. I wonder, perhaps, if I was prepared, unconsiously, to sabotage the drifting status quo and gamble for a better attendence for my chronic dissociation.

It has worked, with two external outcomes;

I have a refferal for psychoanalysis, and

I have now entered my third week building up the dose of lamotrigin

Having stopped the cipramil and resuming the use of amitriptilyne has had the greatest influence on my experience. I have yet to attend the psychoanalysis( an appointment is five months away) and the lamictal is still on its ascent to a 'target' dose of 100mg.

There has been no positve change to my perception or orientation in my world. If anything my visual percetion has worsened in response to the addition of another drug which makes me drowsy.
But there is a marked increase in my mental traffic, Iam engaging with my senses again. Not only have I begun to experience associations and memories when I smell or hear things but for some short moments I am confused to experience a duplicate of a whole 'context' of feelings. The memories are interacting easily now in contrast to my previous isolation. I even enjoyed a program a few nights ago which revisited the music of the eighties. With this my life may regain more depth. Now as I await a possible effect from the lamictal I have also to begin dealing with the emotional issues or recollections which I don't savour.


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## berlin

I am still feeling an improvement. As before Iam now connecting and 'experiencing' memories, it only lasts a second but the instances are becoming more frequent, I can almost rely on response.

Iam now on 75mg of Lamotrigine, due to go up again on Friday to 100mg. It appears to be a slow ascent in comparison to some others posts but I feel okay with that.

My perception is foggier than ever and I hope it is just that I have a cold or some other winter 'bug'.

Still waiting to see what happens next.


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## berlin

My other post for this evening was a question to find out if anyone else had experienced a worsening of there Derealisation.

But I have to put in a positive point. I will find it difficult to describe now because although my 'moments' of emotional connection appear to be on the increase once ive had them they go and Im back to my dead normal.

Watchig ET with the kids, in bits and pieces, but sit down and watch the part where the kids 'mom' discover the very ill ET. And as the scene played I surprisingly began to identify with her, looking down at this gravely ill entity with her children telling her that he is ok, their friend. I 'felt' how she must feel, not the way Id ever experienced the movie before, identifying with the lost alien and his friend. I felt with conviction how this womans only concern, and fear was that this dealthly looking creature had been in contact with her, also ailing, son.

So there, my bland rendition, now without the warmth of life but worth note because at times now (and not in over three years) I begin to connect significantly with myself.


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## berlin

Had a flakey moment and had to contact my GP to prescribe me lesser dosage Lamactil tabs. Dont like the way it has affected my perception and felt that I was distanced from enviroment as bad as before. Hope I settle and drift back to the stage of contact that I had actually attained before I took the Lamictal.


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## berlin

Reduced my dose following my last post. I really felt freaky and anxious. But have stuck with 50mg lamactil. I can confidently say that the DP is continuing to improve and if thats down to Lamactil, at this minimal does, then i will continue. I remain badly disconnected from my environment but Iam having at tryat binaural recordings.


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## berlin

I haven't been here for ages.

Things have improved, emotionally. I have been in psychoanalysis for almost a year now and it's due to end.

The DR I think has become worse. I am pretty much off the lamotrigine now and still on my trusty old Amitryptiline.

We'll see.


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## Guest

berlin said:


> I haven't been here for ages.
> 
> Things have improved, emotionally. I have been in psychoanalysis for almost a year now and it's due to end.
> 
> The DR I think has become worse. I am pretty much off the lamotrigine now and still on my trusty old Amitryptiline.
> 
> We'll see.


You say your dr has become worse. Did the psychonalysis help you in any way regarding dp/dr? How are you going to move on if your therapy has ended? take care.


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## berlin

Hi DelMar,



> How are you going to move on if your therapy has ended?


I dont know how to answer that.

I suppose Iam thankful for the year that I will have had in therapy. I have often said to my therapist that I don't quite understand how the therapy works for me but it has.

Throughout I have not felt the need to document the process 'though Im sure that would also be useful. My experience of DP/DR is that it is a moving target, a no fixed point for reference an isolated/ing bubble which means I coud never be sure if things were really changed or not. However Iam optomistic and I can recall more and more instances of emotional connection (now is not one of them, so excuse me my dry response!) 
As that appears to improve my DR becomes worse. Not that I notice it as much, but I often wonder how my vision can test as nearly perfect when my experience is a visual fog, a flattening of my external world. When I do notice it gets me down. My therapist seems to think that it will improve in time. I think he sees it as a reaction to reconnecting to my emotions and memories, another defence?

thank you for your interest, I don't know if you will find that helpful :?


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## Guest

Hi Berlin, I was actually asking these questions for YOU and how you would think you'd handle your DR if your therapy had ended. Out of interest. And I was also kinda suprised noone had taken effort to respond to your posts.
From my own experience, my DR gets worse as well, the more I get emotionally connected and I know if I work through issues, in time, DR will lessen and fade. I have clear moments already and these help to go along with the process of unraveling and connecting. I say it sounds like you're on the right path of recovery. Thanks for your reply and take care 8)


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## berlin

Thank you DelMar,

I have been renovating a house with my partner for the past year also, and am due to emigrate to Australia at the end of June. My therapist knows that my weekly visit to him has to be squeezed into a busy scedule! So, as for finishing my therapy, I'm still switched onto my practical point of view- of thinking how best to make use of the time I will have free when I dont see him anymore!

He points out, and I appreciate, that this weekly hour is probably the only time I really set aside for myself.

I hope stopping isn't detrimental, I don't feel dependant on it at all- but just 'cause I 'don't feel it' doesnt me Im not- we are after all talking about the sub consious here!

Its nice to be positive. Have you used therapy? I don't even know if you are in the UK (and have to wait to be allocated resources by the NHS).

berlin


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## Guest

Hi Berlin, yes I do use therapy. I found therapy is a slow process, but change occurs even if you're not really aware yet. Then after some time, you notice something is different. And then continue on until you eventually get to a place inside that is ok. Im working hard 

I was thinking you could always find a therapist/psychoanalyst when you decide you need to when in Australia (looking for better weather?lol). Cool you are going to emigrate, so would like to do that as well, but first need to finish stuff here and then we'll see.
Take good care! 8)


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