# DP and relationships



## anonymous2010 (Nov 15, 2010)

Hi, I'm just wondering if DP has affected anyones relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend? If so, would you mind sharing your story with me? I've just ended my relationship of one year with my boyfriend because of DP and I don't know if I've made the wrong decision...


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## Hope.n.Faith (Nov 15, 2010)

anonymous2010 said:


> Hi, I'm just wondering if DP has affected anyones relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend? If so, would you mind sharing your story with me? I've just ended my relationship of one year with my boyfriend because of DP and I don't know if I've made the wrong decision...


Yes, unfortunately, it did have an affect on my relationship with my boyfriend and we ended the relationship. I found DP made it very difficult to feel connected to him. This was very hard on both of us. He could see I was not myself when I was feeling "detached" and I could see how it affected him, which in turn I think made me more frustrated w/my DP and made me focus even more on trying to feel connected and of those strong feelings of love that I once had, but now dulled by DP..it was like a cycle that I see now made it worse. I know he felt like his needs weren't being met in the relationship also, which I could completly understand. It was just hard for both of us in different ways. It's not like he didn't try to be there for me, he was very supportive and tried to understand and listen. It is probably frustrating and it's a difficult concept to understand for others who have never experienced it. I think it is important though for a partner to validate the other w/DP(for them to tell you things like they can't imagine what it must feel like to go through this, or "I can see why it is so hard for you from what you described to me".)

Better communication may have helped in my relationship..I dunno. Also, like I said earlier, I realize now that the more I tried to feel those feelings of love that feel numbed by DP, the more frustrated/anxious I became which made me feel more depersonalized. You can't think yourself out of DP, but by nature, we try to do just that, to try to solve problems. I wish we could think ourselves out of DP, I would have been rid of it a long time ago!! We can tell ourselves not to think about physical pain so much, so why can't it work that way with DP dangit?!! 
I also read that DP tends to get worse when you try to avoid unpleasant feelings or the feelings of discomfort from feeling detached. So if we aren't supposed to think about them and not try to avoid then..uhh..what are we supposed to do?!







It suggested practicing mindfulness and focusing more on improving how you function, not feel. These things are all easier said than done though. Maybe a therapist can help with this.

I have rambled on though! I hope something I said answered your question and that it made sense or you could relate to what I said about my relationship struggles w/DP. 
How was your boyfriend handling things before you broke up with him? Was he supportive of you?


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Besides our many other problems, my ex husband ran for the hills because of my depersonalization. He said it was ruining his life and it was "drama" he couldn't handle. And guess what. He wasn't a real man. A REAL man would step up to the plate, take care of his sick wife, and love her even more for the suffering she was going through.


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## anonymous2010 (Nov 15, 2010)

My boyfriend was extremely supportive. Before DP, I was so in love with him, we were inseparable. We hardly fought about anything and everyone around us could see how well suited we were. I never had doubts about my relationship or him, in fact I was over the moon about where things were heading. We had one problem in our relationship and it was to do with his trust for me. I told a white lie early on in the relationship which made his trust for me hard to regain. This same issue came up repeatedly over a few months and I felt the need to continuously prove myself to him and I felt extremely guilty.

DP hit me so unexpectedly. It was during a time where I was so happy and content with my life. I could tell you the exact date I woke up feeling disconnected from everything. It impacted my relationship the most. I started to feel nervous and scared each time I saw him, I constantly felt anxious and out of NOWHERE all these negative thoughts about him flooded my mind. It was as though I had no control over them whatsoever. I felt like each day was a struggle to get through, trying to convince myself that this was not really how I felt about him, it was just my anxiety and DP influencing me.

The worst part about this is that I am so confused about what I want. He was truly my soul mate and before all of this I saw my entire future with him. I cannot explain how much I love and care about him - to the point that the last couple of months I would mask how I truly felt only because I didn't want him to worry about me. He has benn so supportive of this. He has taken me to my doctors and psychologist appointments and often when he would be out with his friends he would drop everything for me to come and go for a walk with me because I was feeling so depressed. No matter how tough things were getting he would stick by me. I spoke to him about everything, I even told him the kind of bad thoughts I was having about him. Sometimes he would get upset, which is fair enough but he still insisted that I remained open with him because he wanted to know everything.

I broke up with him a couple of days ago because I didn't think it would be fair on him that I stayed in this relationship knowing the kind of negative thoughts that I was having. No matter how much I wanted them to go, they worsened. I love him so much but sometimes you have got to let go of people for their own sake. He deserves the world and more and at the moment this is something I cannot give him. I told him that I need time on my own to go through this and focus on myself. He has respected that, but this is just such a difficult time for the both of us because we love each other so much. I'm hoping it gets easier, but who knows what will come of this...


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## natebookd (Jan 2, 2011)

I think it is hard to say. 
While I'm sure my emotional detachment has cut short more than a few relationships, people without a disorder break up all the time too.
If anything it is probably best to not put too much blame on yourself or the other person.


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