# Still Getting Worse...



## Jgamepro (Jul 1, 2013)

Okay, so a week in the hospital didn't accomplish much. It seems it only made my dp symptoms worse. Still can't think. Can't concentrate. Constantly on the verge of a panic attack. Evenings are usually when it gets bad. I think its my medicine more than anything. I'm on 400mg of Seroquel, 2.5mg Zyprexa, and finally quit Trileptal which I consider the main cause of most of my problems.

Also I get these weird spasms in my head when I take my medication.

I just wondering who's had a hard time with Trileptal or any of these medications. While I was on Trileptal I stayed up late a lot. That's probably why I'm so messed up. Just please tell me there's someone who's gotten better after something like this. If I wean myself off the medication will it stop? The dp seems to get worse everyday and I'm not 100% sure why. Please any advice would be appreciated. I'm just tired of living like this. Alone in my room cut off from society. It sucks. But I know if I go outside I might have a panic attack. I sometimes get them when I'm just looking around because everything looks so strange. I've already been hospitalized and that didn't do jackshit. Doctors for some reason or another don't know how to deal with dp. They try to treat the symptoms but not the disorder.

But anyways, I'm just wondering if anyone's survived severe dp. These stories always give me some rare glimpse of hope.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

Hi friend, I just want to say that RIGHT NOW (Yes this very moment) I am in a severe state of Depersonalization/Derealization. You are certainly not alone. I get so bad sometimes that I feel stuck in my head, like my thoughts become my reality. I am so out of it that I always think I am going schizophrenic or something and it gets so bad I fear I am on the brink of hallucinating or losing my mind literally, this just causes more panic. Its HELL ON EARTH seriously. I notice that stress makes it 100 TIMES WORST. I literally am sooo intolerable to alcohol, medications etc due to this severe state of being stuck in my head that any hint of alteration I panic because it feels like my brain is at breaking point. I start to develop vertigo symptoms, tunnel vision, fear (GREAT FEAR) slight hallucinations like black or white dots (shadows or lights in the corner of my eye (Rarely).. I can hardly hold a full conversation because its so hard to focus and my memory is Shot. I literally forget A LOT. I feel like I have overstimulated my mind, its like staying up all night, playing video games not eating, you know how that feels? Its like your SOOOO STIMULATED that its scary. That's how I feel right now, like I haven't slept, ate or stopped staring at a screen. (Even though I have slept, ate and haven't stared at a screen for so long.) even typing this is hard. I cant take much more, I just want to know if this is DP/DR or if I am developing Schizophrenia? I have been Diagnosed with GAD, PTSD and the therapist says I have DP/DR symptoms but not this disorder although this is chronic and has only gotten worst with trauma. Ive had this ever sense I smoked lots of pot growing up,drank lots of alcohol and did pills. it never has gone away although I have been clean 2 years about now. Is this DP DR or no? When I get so stuck in my head it feels like the things around me are deteriorating. I start having trippy thoughts and crap and I day dream a lot, its like my thoughts become my reality, I don't physically watch them play out but its like a day dream, you see them play out in your mind and its hard to "snap out of it" even though I know my surroundings its like being in two worlds at once. sometimes its like living in a dream but it feels so real, like in a daydream state I can experience the emotions and feelings of being in the dream although I am 90% aware that it is just my mind tweaking out. I hope this makes sense, but its horrifying to be honest. when its really bad I cant come out of it like I am stuck in my mind. time goes by and stuff, it feels like I am on auto pilot or something. I am 21 have suffered lots of trauma in my life. I am scared because it feels like insanity and madness and I fear I am on the verge of breaking.


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## Jgamepro (Jul 1, 2013)

Your not insane. Trust me I'm right there with you, friend. Also, a doctor once told me, " If you think you're going insane, you're not insane." An insane person fools themselves into thinking everything's fine. They think hallucinations are real. The fact that you care shows you're not crazy."

P.S. Has anything helped your anxiety? I figure since both anxiety and DP are connected, fixing the anxiety will help fix DP.. Has getting more sleep helped? Also, are you on any meds? I'm trying to go natural. I sick of doctors. They don't give a shit about how youi feel.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

Jgamepro said:


> Your not insane. Trust me I'm right there with you, friend. Also, a doctor once told me, " If you think you're going insane, you're not insane." An insane person fools themselves into thinking everything's fine. They think hallucinations are real. The fact that you care shows you're not crazy."
> 
> P.S. Has anything helped your anxiety? I figure since both anxiety and DP are connected, fixing the anxiety will help fix DP.. Has getting more sleep helped? Also, are you on any meds? I'm trying to go natural. I sick of doctors. They don't give a shit about how youi feel.


Im not on any meds right now, they keep giving me lots of them but im too scared to take them. I talked with my therapist and I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder as well  hahaha, it never ends. that's 3 diagnosis now GAD, PTSD and depression. I had a very good and long talk with him, I was open and transparent and he told me I am not crazy and he assured me that if ever I do begin to go crazy that I would recover likely due to early intervention. right now I just have major depression, ptsd and gad (both are anxiety disordes) The meds I have been prescribed are Lamictal, Klonopin, propranoral, Ativan, Seroquel and celexa. I haven't took any hahaha (maybe an Ativan or two when I am dying. an no they didn't give me all these at once)


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