# Symbol



## LuluCalavera (Jan 21, 2013)

I didnt really know where to post this but this seemed like a good spot.

I recovered from DP and DR a little while ago and I really wanted a tattoo that symbolized

this hardest part of my life that I had to go through; however, I cannot seem to come up with

a good idea because dp/dr is impossible to describe unless you've been in those shoes.
So I am turning to you my comrades who have helped me get to this point in my life :]

ideas? pictures? quotes? anything?

Thanks :] <3


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

hi,

i think you should get some kind of a tribal tattoo, google that, it looks nice.

if you are in to HOT stuff, though little extreme, you should really get HUGE wings on your back. it will represent victory over dp as the wings will make

you an angle like, while dp is hell. you went through hell and arrived to heaven. let me know about your tattoo, so that if you choose the wings i will propose you.

second thing:

can you please share your story from the beginning to the end? was your dp drug//stress/god induced? how long did it last? what are the symptoms

you had (other than anxiety and depression)? where you completely emotionally numb at the beginning? did symptoms just vanish in a second or over

a long period of time, gradually? meds/supplements?

thanks. enjoy life. you should be proud.


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## Morgane.N (Feb 10, 2013)

Yes can you share your story with us  ?


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## LuluCalavera (Jan 21, 2013)

WIll do:]

My Story:

I have experienced DP/DR twice in my life. The first time was from a panic attack in mid october of 2012 which was induced by synthetic marijuana (dont ever try it) and it only lasted 3 days then I popped back to realtiy as I call it. It was behind me and was forgotten until January 12, 2013 when I was at work and I felt a sudden impending doom and fear come over me, I was having a panic attack...I had to leave work and drove home and I thought once I took my xanax and was over the attack that I would be back to my normal self but I realized the same feeling I had once had before--DP. My symptoms were of course major anxiety and depression and yes I was completely emotionally numb, I would hug my boyfriend or my parents and felt nothing and that scared me. I also had horrible memory and was always questioning myself i.e. "did I just say that?" "am I actually controlling my body while driving my car" did I just have that conversation with so-and-so" etc...I was also terrified of living and terrified of dying. I was trapped. I looked at people I had known my whole life and I would just feel terrified like I didnt know them. I would look at certain objects like a tree for example. Before DP all I would see is a tree and while DP'd I noticed everything- how incredibly 3D maybe even 4D it was, I saw every vein on every leaf every different shade of green. Its like I over analyzed every object even something as simple as a paper clip. My father is a doctor and he first prescribed me an anti anxiety/ anti depressant called Celexa, I took it for 2 days and I felt no side effects, then I took it on day 3 and all hell broke loose, I felt my soul lift out of my body and I was watching everything from above, I was shaking my mom begging her to take me to the hospital, begging my dad to tranquilize me, as I drove home I tried multiple times to drive my car off the highway, the aside effects had made me manic. I was then scared of meds but my dad prescribed me Lexapro 5mg a day and It seemed to do the trick I am currently on it, it didnt heal my DP but reduced the anxiety and depression that was fueling it. It took about 4-6 weeks before it had any long lasting effects on me which is typical of antidepressants. I also started going to a therapist who was a liscensed EMDR practitioner and I did EMDR therapy for many sesssions. The EMDR would throw me into a more DP'd state right after my session for about 2-3 days but I was not worried because I knew this was supposed to happen and that both sides of my brain needed time to process the memories brought up in our sessions. I fould through therapy that I am a control freak and that fear of not having control really gives me anxiety, I also found that I hid my emotions all throughout life tryign to look tough or to be strong for other people, but eventually these emotions I suppressed needed to come out and thats why I was having panic attacks becasue all the stuff I had bottled up had was exploding out of me. I had been raped and hid it from everyone and that caused my panic attacks as well because I noticed I got the most anxiety at nighfall, around the time it happened. I also started taking Vitamin B-12 in the mornings to replace my coffee since I cut out caffine completely and I would take Omega 3's 3X a day as well as Magnesium and while they didnt cure my DP, I feel they helped reduce the symptoms greatly. My symptoms didnt just vanish in a second like they did the first time I had it, It was very gradual. Some days I toward the end I wouldnt even feel it at all and then I would pop back into it and it was definately a rollercoaster of good days and bad. I had it up until now. I guess Im only 99.9999% cured because if Im in an unfamiliar situation I will pop back into it but then I just close my eyes and shake my head and Im out of it, so I guess you could say i have learned to manage it and or control it if it ever comes back on. I still go to therapy weekly and continue to do emdr and talk therapy with her :] there is no quitting DP cold turkey. I'm not sure if m old friend DP will come back or not, (I sure hope not) but If he does I'm armed and ready for a fight for freedom.

Suggestions I have to get better:

-Ignore it (the hardest) but works

- cut out bad habits---I quit drinking while I had it and cut out all caffeine

-get enough sleep (when I didnt get enough sleep I would feel even more dp'd waking up in the morning)

-take supplements

- make a blog/journal (I did, It doesnt even have to be about DP just soemthing that lights a fire in your soul, Mine is about my dp journey mixed with rants about my family and makeup tutorials hehe)

-If you can afford I really reccommend EMDR and or talk therapy, if you cant look into MHMR and see of there are special programs for your income level to use their Therapy facilitiess and Therapists.

-Get a hobby, and do stuff you loved to do when you were 5 :]

-LIVE :]


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

thank you!

synthetic weed is fucking horrible, i just don't get why that shit is even legal.

I did emdr once but that was before my dp begun. i managed to eliminate 70% of my anxiety (in my case- hypochondria) in 1 session.

however, my symptoms reduce in great steps. and that's before engaging in activities i once liked- gym, etc.

i believe i will be out soon.

thanks for your support! any decision regarding the tattoo ;p ?


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## LuluCalavera (Jan 21, 2013)

I really do like the wings idea :] I kinda want them morphing from devil wings into angel wings, or a phoenix raising from the ashes with its wings spread like a huge back piece lol. and oh yeah synthetic weed is horrible, not sure if my panic atttack i had months later was related to that use at all cause no one knows whats in it, it's like the drug version of hot dogs lol


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