# An update and possibly something to help you



## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

Hey guys I wanted to give a quick update. Its been a while since i've posted steady on here. I want to talk about where i'm at and a few main bulletpoints on how I possibly got here. Whats left over for me. Basically the Good, The Bad, and The whatever.

I am tapering on my meds. I am down to about .125mg clonezepam twice a day. Soon I should be at 1 of those a day!!! Its been going good there. Just taper right. Don't fear the taper. you got to want it. Do it slowly. i've been tapering for god.. 7 or 8 months now.

Tapering Zoloft from 1.5 mg per day and am down to 1mg right now. Clonezepam was the focus. Then i'm going to hit the Zoloft.

Never forget your zoloft. I've had this happen twice. Its not good. I feel like I have dizzyness with small little blank outs. Its odd. I take zoloft and within an Hour i'm straight.

I got DP around march/april of last year. Late march basically. But it got really bad about a few months after that. First 5 months were hell for sure.

Road to Recovery:

-Doctors, Support and Medication. Family support. Doctors "helping" (also caused issues)... 
-Meds, primarily Clonezepam. Seriously. I wonder if that helped a lot.
-Life changes. I changed my life around. This could be getting rid of something that is causing you big issues. Things that don't ruin your life to not have you should get rid of. So for instance your not going to kill your child or anything, but if you have no kids and a boyfriend who yells at you. Get rid of him if you can. If you have a boss who tortures you emotionally and you CAN get another job. DO. 
-Work. Work my ass off. I got back to work some how and I just kept on working and eventually I brought back my old routine and goals and it makes you feel better.
-Stop obsessing and ruminating. This never goes FULLY away. but you can push it back really far. You need to read up on how to do this. REad about this for relationships. Its the same stuff. One day you'll just realize you are not thinking about it as much. And when you do it doesn't have the same impact. Think about how your balding. how much impact does it have? at first it may have sucked right. now its there but not an obsession.
-This can mean getting off this forum for awhile like I did. Eat up the info you need. Then get away for awhile. Now I feel i've earned the right to come back here. When I was coming here before it was like a crutch. One I may have needed But at some point I had to let go. 
-Find a couple people you can trust with this. They don't have to know its DP/DR. But trust me lots of people you know are FUCKED UP. I found this out! holy crap. A friend of mine almost goes blind for 3 months out of the year. And he gets so angry its cost him jobs. 
-Hobbies. Make things. Fullfill small goals, especially health based ones.
-Know when to hold em, know when to fold em. Basically you need to know
1. When to recoil and protect yourself. I.E if your going into "the pit" you dont push it. Dont drink. Set down the beer. Set down the spicy food. I dont care if your friends call you a pussy. If your worried about that then counter balance it by teling them you'll cut their fucking head off. Seirously you have DP/DR right? now you have th eability to tell poeple you couldn't give a fucking shit. I'm cutthroat with it. Fuck what people want me to do. I need to know when to hold back and when to play it safe.

2. Know when to brute fucking force. This means kicking right through the shit. Your dp kicks in and you just ride it like your drunk. So perhaps i'm in a social situation, i'm kind of tired, and shit gets crazy. i can just say fuck it and emulate who I used to be and who I want to be. So one night i was way out of it and i was like "Jims hair looks like a cardboard cut out!" people were like "i want whatever your taking!" and I just laughed about it. I knew, by this time, that i was gonna go home and go to bed and just get up late the next day.

-that reminds me. SLEEP! you love it now. you need it. you do. SLEEP! learn about it. train yourself. routine it. Its late right nwo so yeah i'm bad. I need to be careful. I can feel it coming back at times.
-Sleeping better. YAY!

Where am I at now......

-Its still here. Its not gone. I have DP/DR and i'm trying to accept it more and more like any other thing. It has dropped greatly. Mostly the DP. The DR is still around. It is better but mostly I think i've gotten used to it. Its lame. But you can get used to it. It has its moments of reminding me. Especially certain situations. When it happens i'll think something ranging from almost nothign up to "GOD DAMNIT". i'll even curse out loud alone sometimes like "fuckin stupid!" or whatever. But you get used to it, then you function, then anxiety drops. Its control you crave and getting used to who you are now will bring back control which will get rid of anxiety.

The bad:
I'm a little wacky now. I almost killed myself. Yes. Please dont do that! But i was suicidal for a few months. Since i've started to recover I act as if.. well.. I almost killed myself or that i survived something. So i enjoy many things but at the same time i can be crazy. Like. confrontational. outlandish. more than ever before. i'm working on this. I just dont want to jepardize what I have because i know it will bring back DP/DR heavily. I need to maintain. At times I think I can be angry. I get anger flashes. I get turbulent. I day dream of crazy heroics. Dedicating my current life.. sacraficing if you will, for some crazy cause. Its all good though. Its fading out as my life continues to grow.

DR still around and still making itself clear :/. yep. lifee...

DP reminders from time to time. I still do the hand thing like in the Numb movie. Only its rare now. I still feel like my arms and legs are kind of not me. I still "buzz" from time to time which is annoying. the burning sucks. I've had moments of anxiety too. But i can turn that off sometimes. I just have to force myself to stop what it is. find the source, stop it.

I think I have small myoclonic jerks from a few weeks of Seroquel. Fingers crossed that goes way totaly. I am living with it though. Ok.

I get reminded of DP/DR

Ok so heres probably one of the biggest things guys..... Nightmares. Its WAY better than before. And infact recently has been decent. But i get vivid dreams and nightmars. this is probably one of the biggest reminders of my condition. I wake up releived but then shortly after I remember why i have what i have. nightmares remind me that i'm in this state. Good luck to you all. My reccomendation is to not think about it. Look. thigns "went away" and i dont think about them. or is it visa versa? Sooo!!! i need to never think about dreaming and MAY BE it will help.

I'm missing a lot of info. sorry guys. i gotta go to bed soon.

The future!!! What do i want for the future.
1. Keep going. Keep taking my supliments and all that. Get off meds completely and still maintain the way I have been at the low meds i've been taking.
2. Keep traveling and doing the thigns i'm doing... just keep on keepin on. 
3. Help others. I have plans. I hate to talk about plans because then you dont do them. but I have plans. More artwork related to DP/DR. More informative stuff for people to show doctors. I have some plans for this. I really hope I can do it with out it harming me. Thinking about this issue causes issues. Just as i'm typing this stuff out i saw a sparkle. I can't remember the last time i realy noticed those. I never see those eye thingies anymore either. I just ignore it. But I hope to simulate this stuff so poeple have tools. I want to make TOOLS for us. for me, and for us. release for free out to the internet. Create a web site with this stuff and link heavily to this site.

I hope all this crap helps. I'm sorry I never have time for helping other people.

I hope all of you recover forever!


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## ProphetEdison (Apr 10, 2011)

You can fully recover from DP tho.


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

ProphetEdison said:


> You can fully recover from DP tho.


Yeah I know. Thinking back i've had this for a week when I was 18 years old. Trust me dude i've done a TON of research







. like 4 people in my family have this shit.

I am not fully recovered yet. But i'm living. I still do things to help recover such as take all my vitamins and try to eat healthy. Obviously no drugs and alcohol and all that.

I'm hoping my story is encouraging. Perhaps it isn't for those new with this who want full recovery in under a year. like I did. But in a lot of ways even though its still around i'm doing good.

I laugh my ass off. I have more dreams and goals again. I'm achieving them. I have a personality. My old one is back, but like i said its kinda cranked up from what i've been through. So i'm living like I used to crackign jokes and having fun, Its just this time i have no patience for assholes







. So i'm quicker to tell somebody to fuck themselves







. People make fun of me for something and I cut them out of my life. Good friends are now even closer than ever, especially the ones that know whats going on, and turn out to have it themselves. One close friend admitted to having panic attacks in his car... driving to a girls place. He can hardly have a relationship because of anxiety. It keeps him from progressing in his profession.

So now its just more bonding and being happy they are around and that i'm still around.


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## kclemens1 (Jul 12, 2011)

how do you recover when shits been going on since you were sixteen and crippled life and causing you to lose jobs ive tried the fuck it scale and everything, nothing seems to work. i Have tried everything and u know as well as i do you get to a point where your like fuck life, i cant hold a job shit is intense maybe you will have an answer to a question that really doesnt make sence.


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