# today I feel repersonalized!



## SaraBro (Feb 23, 2011)

I need to write this to remember when I feel totally weirded out again, I need to write this to remind other that good days exist.

I feel repersonalized today, I feel like my old self. I can still think the same thoughts as I do during DP, but it doesn't bother me - since I feel like myself. I know my feelings are true. So what did I do to feel normal and how does it feel?

I don't know what I did, nothing special. Normal moments come and go for me, I've had a few in the 7 months I've had DP. Existance feel calm, harmonic, not weird or scary. Well, it feels weird, but weird in a good way. Everything feels open and bright. I reach out for objects and know that they exist, I look at clouds, houses and I feel that they are clear, they are real. What I've done is to atleast pretend as if everything is real and normal, I've tried to do as much as I can. I've tried to feel stuff and aknowledge that it does matter.

The day before yesterday I couldn't sleep, I had the feeling that earth was gonna fall through space. The feeling of knowing that earth really floats around in space was daunting, made me uncomfortable and overwhelmed with sadness. Yesterday, I thought to myself... I need to face my fears. I watched you tube clips of universe, and felt amazed by it's beauty. I felt, wow... my emotions are part of this universe, my emotions are small, but very real! I EXIST!! And everything is beautiful, even I. I'm safe.

But it still feels scary to feel real. I'm out of my safe depersonalized zone, where I don't have to face reality.


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## Cable guy (Apr 25, 2011)

Do you ever feel you will be consumed by a black hole? Like first you see a small black dot on the sky and it gets bigger and bigger, till people start to panic then everyone starts to feel its strong gravity when they are pulled in the air by its force, until we get all consumed in it? I get that all the time...


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## Totally DP'D (Jun 8, 2011)

I used to feel an awe of the universe, and loved astronomy, which inspired me to do a degree in physics.

Now I don't really care much which saddens me. How can you care about something that isn't 'real'


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## SaraBro (Feb 23, 2011)

So, I'm on my forth day of feeling like my old self!








I still have a bit of anxiety running through my body, and still think a bit about space and stuff I don't understand... But that is nothing in comparison to not feeling like myself. As long as I feel like I have my identity I'll be fine.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

sara said:


> So, I'm on my forth day of feeling like my old self!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Sara, try and do some mindfulness meditation to maintain the repersonalisation.
I used it a lot in my recovery.

And congratulations!


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## SaraBro (Feb 23, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> Sara, try and do some mindfulness meditation to maintain the repersonalisation.
> I used it a lot in my recovery.
> 
> And congratulations!


Thank you! I try to do some mindfulness (or atleast what I believe is mindfullness) when I feel I'm slipping away in DP-thoughts. 
I know you had a simalar story to mine, since we've chatted a bit in the chat. The hardest thing for me to do now, is to listen to my anxiety and my feelings, which I never did before. It's also hard to face the thruth about yourself and your childhood. That's the hardest problemst that is in front of me... The journey doesn't end just because DP has diminished alot, DP was just the wake up call...


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Here are some free Mindfulness guides. You can play them on your computer or put them on your ipod. Try to do the meditation same time every day, it will teach you how to pull back from anxeity thoughts- OCD/ loops etc. Also, help reduce your anxeity in general. Do it sitting on a chair, with a cushion under you and one under your feet, in a quiet room, with a lit candle if you want one.
http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22


It works by training your brain to be able to chose which thoughts you want to listen to, if you find yourself drifting off into an anxeity thought you can gently pull them back. Also breathing techniques for panic attacks of if you feel overwhelmed. Also, and this is the most important, to teach you to be aware of your body and 'self' and connect you to the world again, which you totally lose when you have DP. 

On a psychological level, it's used a lot to help with PTSD as a grounding technique for flashbacks. It can help you to 'go into' painful emotions rather than avoid them, and also you will have the tools to pull you back from them if it gets too much. 

Mindfulness also teaches us to be kinder to our bodies, and be more aware of it. It's also good for helping to face and release painful emotions and memories. 

Be gentle with yourself from now on. Your body and mind has been through an ordeal and you are in recovery. Treat yourself as you would, if you were recovering from an illness. Eat well, sleep, take up a hobby. Write a lot about your feeling etc. Keep a diary, paint, draw, make things, anything to express yourself. I found origami really relaxed me. 

You will probably be feeling a lot of emotions and anxeity right now, but that's totally OK. You want to be getting your anxeity levels under control in case they trigger DP again. The mindfulness helped me a lot through this period as I was getting a lot of flashbacks and regression and strong emotions all at once. I know it's hard, but you just have to go thought it. I'm not a therapist, so I can't really give your advice on why you ended up with these issues (similar to mine, as you said) but there are some things i could tell you about, that helped me with my recovery. 

Also, do you remember in chat, I was saying that the existential fears we have, are usually a metaphor for things? Fear of eternity/ the unknown is a fear of abandonment etc? If you get these again, try to keep this in mind, it won't seem so scary then. 

Are you seeing a therapist still? What support do you have?


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