# Extremely hopeless



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I just want to be done. I wasn't meant to be alive apparently. I feel dead.my voice isn't my voice. My presence is gone. Seriously how much worse can this life get. I would take anything else!!!!! Anything! Cut my arms off or my legs but give me back ME.

I feel extremely hopeless and like I want to die. I already have died. There is nothing to live for. I can't even feel that i would be hurting anyone bc I am no longer a person. I have no soul. I am not human


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## EmmaBo (Aug 31, 2016)

Dearest CoffeeGirl

You need to change your monologue - positivity is the most powerful force there is, and I promise (PROMISE) that it is possible to feel EVERYTHING that you are feeling right now (and worse - yes worse) and, in time, feel happiness, joy, bliss, sunlight. I know because I have been there. The agony and the ecstasy. They are two sides of the same coin. The only way is up, but you need to change your negative thought loop. I would also advise that you leave the forum for a while, if you feel you can, and pick yourself up, slowly, very slowly and things WILL CHANGE. Life is dynamic and you are alive and dynamic too, you just can't feel it because you have DP. Everything you are feeling is a SYMPTOM OF DP. You are perfectly in tact underneath that veil. I PROMISE. I KNOW. I HAVE BEEN THERE.

x


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## sadpenguin (Jan 5, 2015)

Things will be okay, you will find yourself. I can help you!  Try to stay positive, because your voice will be your voice once again and you can ground yourself and once again be present. It's possible. You deserve to be here.


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## BanterDPD (Sep 21, 2016)

Hey CoffeeGirl

I find myself in exactly the same predicament as you on this day, but we must chose to see it as just today and not forever. This might sound absurd if you have suffered for many years like most of us on this "family" forum. Remember you are not your thoughts and the dark clouds will lift if you pay them NO respect. Treat yourself to a movie on Sky or some decent food or perhaps some exercise/walk in the park.....keep the faith CoffeeGirl x


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I know that feeling. It is a very powerful and convincing emotion. I felt it twice in my life - once when I was 17 and once again when I was 35. As true as that hopelessness was, I refused to accept it as the end. I fought it and persisted, and earned myself more life. Today I am depression free and probably the happiest I have been in my life. And, it can get better. I believe that.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Can you guys function at all? I don't even know who is writing this. I can't do anything for myself.


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## EmmaBo (Aug 31, 2016)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> Can you guys function at all? I don't even know who is writing this. I can't do anything for myself.


Hi CoffeeGirl - did you read my message above? What do you think about my advice?


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I did yes.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> Can you guys function at all? I don't even know who is writing this. I can't do anything for myself.


I can relate so well! it happens with most things, but especially when i am studying. I study computer science and sit in front of a laptop (artificial ligthing), and often alone and try to figure out how to to code. Most of the time i feel like i am sitting outside myself and watching some1 else typing away at the computer. It can be quite trippy and alot of time is spent just being stuck in frustration trying to get my brain to work. Everytime i study for a longer period of time (because i have to) i end up in tears..

Believe it ir not this is actually me functioning better then before becuse i'm actually getting things done at this point in my life. Man if people knew how hard this is.........


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## EmmaBo (Aug 31, 2016)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> I did yes.


Are you able to accept that you are just experiencing symptoms and that the real you is still there, in tact, underneath?

And how about leaving the forum for a few days, if you feel you can, just to see if that mixes thing up a little?


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

EmmaBo said:


> Are you able to accept that you are just experiencing symptoms and that the real you is still there, in tact, underneath?
> 
> No I cannot accept that because it feels like some thing very bad/ serious has happened and how could I still possibly be there. Especially when I don't have my memories or recognize myself or others. Nor do i ever talk or show any presence or emotions. That is NOT like me at all!
> And how about leaving the forum for a few days, if you feel you can, just to see if that mixes thing up a little?


I do take breaks and try to just read recovery stories but I am especially bad lately and need ppl like you to help me.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

EmmaBo said:


> Are you able to accept that you are just experiencing symptoms and that the real you is still there, in tact, underneath?
> 
> Last question, would you describe DP as your body separating from your consciouness? I am going to take a break
> 
> And how about leaving the forum for a few days, if you feel you can, just to see if that mixes thing up a little?


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