# Special case



## King POTUS (Oct 6, 2014)

I've had derealization for about four months now. But I honestly believe I'm a "special case".

The thing is, you see so many people on here who have just had a history of problems for their entire lives- depression, anxiety, OCD, etc... and have taken basically every pill on the market for years and years.

For those people, I can't even imagine how that is, and I definitely emphasize with them.

As for me, I am 29 years old coming up November 12th. Until THIS year, I have NEVER had anxiety. NEVER been depressed. NEVER had OCD. NEVER had a "panic attack".

Then July this year, a bunch of crap piled up at once. My girlfriend of five years and me were breaking up, I was transferring from a position from a job I loved, to a position I absolutely HATED, and I was having money problems. Shit was falling apart.

Suddenly, I had panic attacks. I didn't know what the HELL was going on. This has never happened before.. Not in 28 year. EVER. I literally thought I was dying. One of the reasons is because I was drinking more Monsters than usual, but I've NEVER had a problem with caffeine. I've been chugging coffee my entire life, no issues. BUT, that made my subconscious automatically think I damaged my kidneys. My mouth was dry, heart racing.. I thought I took one too many.

So I went to the doctor, thinking she was going to say "YOU FUCKED YOUR KIDNEYS UP, SON". No... she said it was just anxiety.

A...ANXIETY? Are you SURE? Really? I'm not that guy, though. I've never had that! And I have been in some STRESSFUL situations. I used to work in a PRISON. I have been attacked with KNIVES, and shrugged it off. I was in a CAR ACCIDENT one time, and my heartbeat didn't budge. NOTHING ever bothered me... but now I have ANXIETY? HOW?

And suddenly, like that, THE FLOOD GATES OPENED. Derealization, depression, irrational fears, OCD, anxiety... all came at once. Everything overtook me, and I couldn't escape.

But the strange thing is, my OCD came in waves, then left. It was something new every week, but when something new came along, older stuff didn't bother me.

Once, I had a panic attack because my foot itched and I thought I had been stung by a deadly scorpion. I don't know why that came to mind, but I did. I used to think my food was poisoned. I would compulsively check every canned good to make sure I wouldn't get botulism. I never did that before.

But even though I would feel these irrational fears, consciously, I KNEW they were irrational. I could talk myself down mentally, but my body reacted to a "real" threat. I mean, what the hell.

And I hallucinated for a week when it first happened. An owl painting I had on my wall turned into a demon face.

...Oh damn, this is getting long. But I didn't know I had all this in me. I'll respond pretty regularly. I have been reading this site for a few months, only recently signed up. I come and go. So, you know.


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## WILBUR (Aug 9, 2014)

"A special case" , you and about everyone else on here is a special case lol, not everyone develops this from drugs. you seem to have had some sort of mental breakdown due to all the stress you were going through, and now your brain has put you into DP'd protective mode. Even if you were able to handle different stressors throughout your life up until you got DP, it doesn't mean you were actually handling them well. you were most likely repressing your emotions to deal with them, hence why you probably have DP\Anxiety etc right now.


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## seafoamneon (Jul 16, 2014)

This post has alot of things that could trigger an episode of depersonalization. Like your girlfriend breaking up with you, you probably felt safe around her and lost that security.

"A...ANXIETY? Are you SURE? Really? I'm not that guy, though. I've never had that! And I have been in some STRESSFUL situations. I used to work in a PRISON. I have been attacked with KNIVES, and shrugged it off. I was in a CAR ACCIDENT one time, and my heartbeat didn't budge. NOTHING ever bothered me... but now I have ANXIETY? HOW?"

You're not supposed to repress emotions in stressful situations for that long, you're only human.

This is actually the exact kind of case that causes depersonaliztion


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## King POTUS (Oct 6, 2014)

Yeah. but I've never really "repressed" emotions, it just never bothered me. I believe that's probably different.

Anyway, that was 2008. I think that was enough time to "get over" them. The REAL problem was when me and my GF broke up, that was devastating. I can handle a little money issue, I can handle working a job I hate. I've done it before.... but the depression. Maybe that's the problem. That's what really fucked me.

But yeah, it's weird. I went to pet my cat and my arm felt like it wasn't attached to my body. That freaked me out.


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## seafoamneon (Jul 16, 2014)

King POTUS said:


> Yeah. but I've never really "repressed" emotions, it just never bothered me.


In my opinion that's because if you let it bother you, you probably wouldn't feel as strong as you think you are.

Sometimes our pride can get in the way. I used to go over and beyond at my old job but had to quit cuz it all came crashing down on me. In fact I realize it now more than ever


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## King POTUS (Oct 6, 2014)

seafoamneon said:


> In my opinion that's because if you let it bother you, you probably wouldn't feel as strong as you think you are.
> 
> Sometimes our pride can get in the way. I used to go over and beyond at my old job but had to quit cuz it all came crashing down on me. In fact I realize it now more than ever


Eeeehhhhhhh... no, I don't think that's what it is. I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I honestly don't believe that to be the reason.


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## Guest (Nov 5, 2014)

.


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## Guest (Nov 5, 2014)

dingus said:


> "A special case" , you and about everyone else on here is a special case lol, not everyone develops this from drugs. you seem to have had some sort of mental breakdown due to all the stress you were going through, and now your brain has put you into DP'd protective mode. Even if you were able to handle different stressors throughout your life up until you got DP, it doesn't mean you were actually handling them well. you were most likely repressing your emotions to deal with them, hence why you probably have DP\Anxiety etc right now.


This


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## dutchy (Nov 5, 2014)

you should definately try *Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) - therapy*


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## King POTUS (Oct 6, 2014)

dingus said:


> "A special case" , you and about everyone else on here is a special case lol, not everyone develops this from drugs. you seem to have had some sort of mental breakdown due to all the stress you were going through, and now your brain has put you into DP'd protective mode. Even if you were able to handle different stressors throughout your life up until you got DP, it doesn't mean you were actually handling them well. you were most likely repressing your emotions to deal with them, hence why you probably have DP\Anxiety etc right now.


Yeah, but my history and symptoms are like NO ONE else that I've read about. I haven't come across someone with absolutely zero history of mental illness who just snapped, so far. One hundred percent normal, then a complete wreck. They've either had history of anxiety, depression, or the like and/or they have been on medication before.

I also haven't read of anybody with symptoms that come in cycles like this. OCD one week, then it's gone and another form of OCD takes its place. Agoraphobia for 3 days, then it goes away permanently.

Also, to address the other thing, I've always felt emotions. I've never suppressed anything. Even with DP/DR.. I FEEL EVERYTHING. The emotional aspect isn't a part of it for me, I just don't feel real, physically. The world feels fake. I can't "feel" where I am. Time is completely skewed. Fives minutes feel like hours, hours feel like five minutes.... but my emotions are intact. Always have been.


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## sirlee (Mar 5, 2014)

take it as a good sign man, especially the feelings part. you might be going through weird symptoms that pass quickly because youre readjusting fast. Most of us here have lots of issues even understanding our feelings, let alone experiencing them and feeling them when we want to cause we think we're not ready. it was a lot of shit and the monsters probably pushed you over the edge into this state; i have no doubt youll recover fast


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Everybodys experience with DP is different...some experience more symptoms than others..some experience symptoms others dont...Your actually not that different...In fact i never had any history of mental ill health and then bang at the age of 18 around the time of a breakup while smoking some weed DP, anxiety and depression suddenly appeared out of nowhere...I suspect you may not have been coping as well as you thought you were...This condition can be very sneaky and creep up on anyone out of nowhere..I wish you all the best!


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