# I miss my mom



## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

Well, it's not related to anything, but I just have to share... I miss my mom so badly right now. She died almost 3 years ago.

She was the person who loved me the most and also the one who hated me the most. It wasn't her fault though, she was very sick. I had some DP episodes over the years when she went comepletly crazy and did some crazy things. I feel so sorry for her, for the suffer she went through, for getting crazy and hating me. She loved me so much and I'm sure that if she was aware of herself, she would feel so misreable for treating me this way. I also feel guilty for not being there for her. I couldn't look at her, it was too painful. I sometimes even wonder if I really know her true personality cause she got sick when I was a child, so even while loving me she had moments of her illness. I can still remember her beautiful loving eyes when she looked at me. I only have to close my eyes to see it. I hope she knows I'm not angry at her at all and I forevermore remember her love and kindness. Everything else is truly irralevant.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

I'm so sorry that's so sad







For years I've been occassionally thinking of someone in my family dying and then I'd cry about for like an hour, even though some of these people have been minorly abusive to me so I sort of understand you...I'm from Israel too btw although I don't live there anymore


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

babybowrain said:


> I'm so sorry that's so sad
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks!

Really? Were you born/raised here? Where do you live right now?


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

I was born in russia then I moved to israel and lived in a few cities like from one end of israel to the middle of it







Then I moved to canada.


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## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

That wouldve been awful for you. At least your mother is finally at rest. Just try to think of the good times you both may have had


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

babybowrain said:


> I was born in russia then I moved to israel and lived in a few cities like from one end of israel to the middle of it
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That's cool. I've never lived anywhere else beside Israel. I was born and raised here. I love Israel but at the same time I'm angry about things happening here and some thinking patterns of people,etc.


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

match_stick_1 said:


> That wouldve been awful for you. At least your mother is finally at rest. Just try to think of the good times you both may have had


It's not very encouraging you know lol


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

EverDream said:


> That's cool. I've never lived anywhere else beside Israel. I was born and raised here. I love Israel but at the same time I'm angry about things happening here and some thinking patterns of people,etc.


yeah im the same...i love israel but sometimes im angry about how life was like there and what youre expected to be like and stuff...


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

babybowrain said:


> yeah im the same...i love israel but sometimes im angry about how life was like there and what youre expected to be like and stuff...


Yeah, people determine what you should do and think sometimes. Still, you have to love their warmth and caring. You can ask for every kind of help from strangers on the street and they will try to help you. There is this bond between people which is amazing. I don't think it's so common on other countries.

Edit:

Funny clip about Israeli beaviour:


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

Yup...that's not my favourite video. My favourite one is where they go to ashkelona or something like that to the beach and get stopped by cops. I definitely had more bonds in israel than in here...but then i left and people kind of stopped talking to me. I don't know...


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

babybowrain said:


> Yup...that's not my favourite video. My favourite one is where they go to ashkelona or something like that to the beach and get stopped by cops. I definitely had more bonds in israel than in here...but then i left and people kind of stopped talking to me. I don't know...


I think I know what video it is. I'll look it up for you








I really love that show. It had 7 seasons till now.


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

Found it:
http://www.mako.co.il/tv-erez-nehederet/770e3d99ade16110/videoGallery-13fb89ed0cc4c11006.htm&send=1&cat=90ab1e9632956110VgnVCM100000290c10acRCRD&vcmid=c19107e134f76110VgnVCM100000290c10acRCRD&subChannelId=b16c1e9632956110VgnVCM100000290c10acRCRD


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

thanks


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

Did you get to skip the army because of your illnesses? The thought that if I stayed in Israel at least I wouldn't have to go to the army always cheered me up


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

babybowrain said:


> Did you get to skip the army because of your illnesses? The thought that if I stayed in Israel at least I wouldn't have to go to the army always cheered me up


I was religous then so I needed to go to national service. My depression started soon after finishing high school so I couldn't go even to the national service. I wish I had done national service/army because you know, I get asked about it all the time. Being in the army as you probably know is a big thing here, and it's not easy living here if you didn't do it. There are work places that would not accept you if you didn't go to the army/national service. It doesn't matter to them or to most Israeli's why you didn't go. They see you as a shirker("mishtamet"). That's one of the things I hate the most.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

EverDream said:


> I was religous then so I needed to go to national service. My depression started soon after finishing high school so I couldn't go even to the national service. I wish I had done national service/army because you know, I get asked about it all the time. Being in the army as you probably know is a big thing here, and it's not easy living here if you didn't do it. There are work places that would not accept you if you didn't go to the army/national service. It doesn't matter to them or to most Israeli's why you didn't go. They see you as a shirker("mishtamet"). That's one of the things I hate the most.


Yeah I remember that from when I lived it. I also remember strange stuff like free apartments give aways to people who did national service and stuff in newspaper ads and stuff. I think if I went to live in Israel that would be the one thing I couldn't handle...I was always a not so social person and never an atheltic one and was always a bit underweight too...just because some women are like 6 foot tall and ran marathons doesn't mean all women should go to the army...but I guess israel needs it or something.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

Yeah it's all very difficult. I don't know the difference between national service and army exactly, I just know girls don't have to fight, but I don't know the terms. I heard some army horror stories though. One of our neighbours had a son who went to the army and got in trouble for something, and the person suprvising him, I don't know what rank or what he was called, got violent and kicked or hurt him somehow and broke some part of him :S 
I don't remember particular pressure to go to the army I just know everyone in my class wanted to go when we were like 11 and I didn't...then after I moved out I had crazy feelings like I did want to go and I'd pace around and think about it and I'm just really messed up


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

babybowrain said:


> Yeah it's all very difficult. I don't know the difference between national service and army exactly, I just know girls don't have to fight, but I don't know the terms. I heard some army horror stories though. One of our neighbours had a son who went to the army and got in trouble for something, and the person suprvising him, I don't know what rank or what he was called, got violent and kicked or hurt him somehow and broke some part of him :S
> I don't remember particular pressure to go to the army I just know everyone in my class wanted to go when we were like 11 and I didn't...then after I moved out I had crazy feelings like I did want to go and I'd pace around and think about it and I'm just really messed up


I still don't get some things lol. How many years you lived in Israel? How old were you? How old are you now? Are you Jewish? 
Do you know Hebrew? Why did you left?
Sorry for asking so many questions, I'm just confused lol


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

Ill write you a pm cause I don't want to be so recognizable on the internet


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