# Do your parents treat you like parents should?



## Guest (Sep 6, 2008)

Well mine dont,they never did,not one bit.I dont consider them "mum" or "dad" those are just lables of conveinience..

Now my exes parents are differant,they allways treated me like im their daughter...they call me "the daughter they never had".......they supported me throughout my illness...let me live at their place when I had dpd etc..I can go round their house and make myself something to eat and drink without feeling bad about it-like i do at my parents house,they simply say "if weve got it you can have it"..[my mum even used to hide food up]...i wont mention pther forms of abuse here....my parents have allways made me feel like i dont belong to the family....like a stranger in my own "home" as i was growing up etc.,,,they still treat me liker shit..but i use their comp..as many know...but im curious of your experiences.

How is your relationship with your parents?...and do you consider them parents?.....Do you feel you have a mother/father/daughter/son rel with them....

Spirit.


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

Oh darn. First of all I'm sorry your parents treat you like that. You must be thankful that your exes folks treated you well. I love my parents.

I notice the difference between my Dad's family and Mum's family. My Dad's side are more temperamental, fight a lot. while my mother's side are kind, gentle. Interesting. I inherited both traits.

My parents aren't perfect but they brought me up well. They did all they can to look after me and make sure I have a good upbringing. I am an only child. We immigrated to Australia when I was 6 yrs old. I'm greatful to have grown up here in this blessed country. I also had a good education, living in a house. 
I am 26 and unfortunately still living with them due to my problems and issues. I feel bad for them.


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## Guest (Sep 6, 2008)

Hi Spirit.
Growing up I was always close to my mother and two sisters. My father had a rough childhood where his father physically and verbally abused him. He was also sexually abused by family members. At the age of 15 he was thrown out the house to live in the streets. My father never abused me physically but would always put me down and say I wouldn't amount to anything. My parents divorced while I was in the military, and when I got discharged I lived briefly with mom.
My father remarried moved to Arizona and then got divorced a second time. After this second divorce he had a breakdown and was in and out of mental institutions for the last 20 years. During the times he was out we lived together for about 15 years on and off peacefully. I really got to bond with my father during this time. He would never leave the house, was severely depressed, rarely left the bed, and was on all kinds of psychiatric meds and received ECT treatments on at least 15 occassions.
I never understood mental illness or what he was going through until DPD hit me. I believe I was destined to have this illness and took on my father's traits since all seven of his brothers and sisters suffer from some form of mental illness.
On the other hand I have become distanced from my mother since DPD struck me. She thinks it's all in my head, I'm a hypochondriac, I think too much, only people who are on drugs have mental illness, and my father is the way he is because he's weak mentally and looking for pity. I've heard all this and more from my mom, and it really hurts me to think someone in this age and time doesn't believe in mental illness, especially after being married to a man who suffered from it. I rarely talk to her anymore.


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2008)

At one point I had convinced myself that my parents were good parents and did their best because i couldnt accept their abuse was real..because parents arent supposed to do those things.I cinvinced myself of it so much that i didnt know the truth anymore..I swung between thinking they were perfect and i was bad or they were bad and i was good but abused wrongly.....
I now know that its not that they are "bad" or evil necarsarily but that they are screwd in the head..sorry,that they have probs...they are both quite narcasistic.My fathers family is full of incest and as screwed as you can get,i have cousins who are also my aunties and some of my grandads grandchildren are also his children... :? .he raped his daughters also..My dad never talks much about his family but ive heard alot from my mother.Aparently she once saw my dad grope his own mother ,yet she stayed with him..apparently my dads mum found this aceptable and normal...my dad used to rape my mum in her sleep ,she would openly discuss this in front of me with her mum...i was 7 yrs old...I thourougly beleive that my dad was sexually abused by his mum and his dad and i have said this to my mum and she agrees.....What gets me angry is that when i was little my mum and dad lived with my dads dad for a time,my mum knew the deal but she allowed me as a young girl to live in the house of a phedophile.As far as know he didnt touch me though,i do worry that what if he did and i just cant remember it, but i think that can be naturaly expected that i might question that given the circumstances even if it didnt happen.My dads brother[uncle] abused my cousin....my mum and dad used to let me stay around their house and my cousins dad would run around nacked chasing us swinging his penis around in front of us,he would put porn on the tv and make us watch it....I didnt know for years that actually that is a form of child abuse...its beyond a childs bounderies.My mum and dad knew this but let me stay there.Then my cousin went to the police saying her dad had raped her,i knew it might be true but at the time was to scared to say anything about his behaviours.He got found innocent and now has a young daughter with another woman...I have now told my parents what he used to do,not that they are bothered.Its like they just dont know what is wrong or right.

My mum has allways suffered with anxiety and mental issues that she refuses to do anything about or admit they are there even...she used to invalidate me all the time...tell me i shouldnt be happy because she wasnt and if i was happy she said i must be on drugs..she envied any good thing i ever had...and stole my ideas as if they were her own..
They hid food up,wouldnt buy me clothes or basic sanitary products were rationed or gone without,they would leave me in my bedroom for weeks at a time....they knew i wsnt right but never got me any help.They didnt care if i failed at school or did wrong..went out drinking ,did drugs as long as it didnt reflect on them....My mum lied to people about me because she was ashamed of me...When i hit sexual maturity i was constantly humilated in various ways..my first sexual experience-kids messing about as they do..my mum told the whole family and then got me in front of them all and told me i was disgusting for experiementing as a child does....my dad attempted to rape me in my sleep but failed,i cant even remember how old i was around 11 yrs or somthing because i disociated it from my mind untill years later [i have noi shame in addmitting this now ]i now remember telling myself it must have been a dream because the next morning my dad just acted normal like nothing had happened,i ghess i was so used to having my reality invalidated i didnt know whether what was in my mind was real or not.......they ruined my first coiuple of relationships and when i lost my virginity at 17 and they found out,my dad and brother repeatedly and daily called me a bitch/slag/whore etc...for it.My mum told me i may as well get pregant because i wasnt good for anything else....

I turned to drugs to get through it and they eventually threw me out on the street.I went to live with my then boyfriend.

Now its years later and i still have something to do with them...im not sure i want to and i now see clearly their mind games and abuseive patterns ...they reeled me back in after i abadnoned them a couple of years ago by going the opposite way and being as nice as they could[control in disguise] but old abuse is apearing,my dads verbal abuse anyway.Its so easy to get in a web of abuse without realiseing its happening[abusers are extremley clever though not allways intentionally,they learn to manipulate to survive,you are in their reality that they try to control through these patterns..their abuse is their coping mechanisms,its not allways personally about you],when youre in it you dont think "is it normal?"...because its normal to you because its what you know...its not untill you get out of the situation that you see how very bad its been..you wake up...its painful but necarsary........freeing yourself of these people is the difficult part...theres guilt involved,uncirtainty..did it happen? the feeling that youe betraying them,facing the reality-your reality crumbles its not how you thought it was afterall..its hard to be very honest with yourself about that.

This isnt the full story of course just a basic outlay of some things..im hoping to put it all in a book ,i want to do that but then i have to conceal that from my parents incase they read it.[if its published of course]..my mum doesnt know about what my dad tried to do,noone did untill now really except a few friends that i trust..............i dont want to stir the pot again...i dont want my mum and dad to read how much they have hurt me because then theyll have "suceeded"...
So thats a quandrom........do i write it...i ghess i could use a Pseudonym instead.

I ghess one reason for writing this post ,though its quite explicit in some ways and im revealing a few things that i wouldnt have or couldnt have previously [wasnt strong enough or brave enough and was still ashamed] is incase there are others trapped in the web of abuse......

And its good to let it all out.....
Spirit.

EDIT;Once upon a time I couldnt think or write about this without getting extremley angry and upset.But now im able to without it destroying me, now I read through it and just feel a bit sad really.Healing from abuse is possible.


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## hurricane12 (May 22, 2008)

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## Guest (Sep 7, 2008)

Hi Spirit. I could see how your family issues may be related to your previous dissociation and DPD. I have recurring nightmares of having sex with my mom but don't actually recall it happening. My sister was raped by a cousin of our's and my dad was raped by his own brother. I can definately relate. But I don't think this has anything to do with my DPD though.
I believe mine came after a breakdown.


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## AntiSocial (Jul 12, 2008)

my mom is good to me but my dad is an asshole


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2008)

DpDream said:


> Hi Spirit. I could see how your family issues may be related to your previous dissociation and DPD. I have recurring nightmares of having sex with my mom but don't actually recall it happening. My sister was raped by a cousin of our's and my dad was raped by his own brother. I can definately relate. But I don't think this has anything to do with my DPD though.
> I believe mine came after a breakdown.


Hi Dpdream,
Im sorry that must be really awfull for you thankyou for sharing it,I still have night terrors also sometimes though less frequently these days.In these dreams ,im about 4yrs old ..ive been screaming for hours behind the sofa but my mum is ignoring me and carrying on with whats shes doing.Then i move into the hallway and im standing at the door sobbing really hard...i feel so hungry but she wont give me any food,she just acts like im not even there...[that i know is real i remember it]...then in the dream she stops what shes doing,storms towards me and she looks at me with such evil hate,walks ,something happens but im not sure what,it goes pitch black in the dream for what seems like about 5 seconds and theres a "thud"..then i can see again ,i feel like somthing terible just happened..im screaming and sobbing like something happened,and i feel terror beyond beleif......at that piont i wake up crying like a toddler and uncontrollably shaking..which is freaky..i cant control it its like its coming from somewhere inside me...and the fear is horrible.I can never goe back to sleep after these night terrors even its 3 in the morning or something.I know that look of evil hate that my mum gives me,i know thats real...and it brings terror to me to think of it even now.
I have other dreams also...My dreams happen more so when ive been looking at my "issues" for to long and on my own.....i know when I have therapy,this will occur for sure.
Every time i remember my very early years and the house we were living in,it all feels so black..and haunting...theres prob lots i cant remember.
I know my family stuff set my mind up for dp,d but mine came after severe depresion also[psychotic post natal dep]....the severe depression was partly a manifestation of what was really going on in my mind also but that i had burried i think.
We need spades to dig ourselves out of this stuff lol.or a digger,..we can bury so much without knowing ..


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