# Self medicating



## Guest (Dec 23, 2010)

Anybody else out there not too ashamed to admit a drug addiction? I'm just curious. I'm a Heroin addict. Well, not really a Heroin addict, more an Opiate addict. Heroin is just cheaper and more accessible to me. I took to opiates immediately, finding that they relieved a good deal of my DP. After becoming hooked on 'em, I found it was just about gone. I'm kind of a booze hound as well. Which really intensifies DP, but makes you not really give a shit about it. I was actually able to fully explore my state, while drunk, and turn out with a positive perspective on it. I wasn't always drunk, but, well, a good 5 nights outta the week. I'm currently struggling intensely to kick Heroin. But as I come back into a state of raw emotion, there's tremendous fear and doubt. Of course. But, blah, anyways. Anyone out there brave enough to admit it? You see, I'm not ashamed of my drug use. I have never been. It's a legitimate way out for people who struggle and struggle in this life. It is certainly not a constructive thing to do. You will go no where and then some as a drug addict. But how the hell can people judge so harshly? Are you so fucking soulless that you think of a junkie as filth? Blah blah blah. Done. I'm just wondering if some of you folks deal with your DP/DR in similar ways. Did you begin before or after DP? How does it effect your state/outlook? Anyone brave enough? Yes, I've had some Whiskey tonight. I will not, however, regret this tomorrow.


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## Guest (Dec 23, 2010)

Totally, I'm a junkie. I feel ya brother.


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## Cambella2002 (Nov 25, 2010)

I can relate to you. Self-medicating!!!!! Yes, I'm always searching for ways to deal with my horrible symptoms of anxiety, depression and DP/DR. I use to be a heavy drinker to avoid panic attacks and depression. Fortunately, I got rid of the urge to drink. However, I developed another habit. Overeating (Binge eating). Yes, I cope with my symptoms with large amounts of food







I understand it is completely different from what you're experiencing. But I do know what you are dealing with. Fighting uncomfortable feelings with destructive behaviors. It's a fight everyday.

Recognizing the problem is so critical. Which you have already done. Do you plan on utilizing rehabiliation services? I know it is so cliche to ask that, I was just curious. Good luck


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## Cambella2002 (Nov 25, 2010)

I don't know if self-medicating is the same as being a "junkie"....I feel uncomfortable using that term. I don't like to classify individuals or confine a person to a inappropriate term. Anyways, if you tried drugs and found yourself enjoying the feelings of the substance then I think you would fall under the term of a "junkie" well I don't know. It seems that you drawn to alcohol and herion/opiates for a different reason. Which is to relieve the symptoms of your condition. Please challenge me, if you don't believe so.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> Anybody else out there not too ashamed to admit a drug addiction? I'm just curious. I'm a Heroin addict. Well, not really a Heroin addict, more an Opiate addict. Heroin is just cheaper and more accessible to me. I took to opiates immediately, finding that they relieved a good deal of my DP. After becoming hooked on 'em, I found it was just about gone. I'm kind of a booze hound as well. Which really intensifies DP, but makes you not really give a shit about it. I was actually able to fully explore my state, while drunk, and turn out with a positive perspective on it. I wasn't always drunk, but, well, a good 5 nights outta the week. I'm currently struggling intensely to kick Heroin. But as I come back into a state of raw emotion, there's tremendous fear and doubt. Of course. But, blah, anyways. Anyone out there brave enough to admit it? You see, I'm not ashamed of my drug use. I have never been. It's a legitimate way out for people who struggle and struggle in this life. It is certainly not a constructive thing to do. You will go no where and then some as a drug addict. But how the hell can people judge so harshly? Are you so fucking soulless that you think of a junkie as filth? Blah blah blah. Done. I'm just wondering if some of you folks deal with your DP/DR in similar ways. Did you begin before or after DP? How does it effect your state/outlook? Anyone brave enough? Yes, I've had some Whiskey tonight. I will not, however, regret this tomorrow.


* I'm not ashamed of my drug use*

Years ago was told by a doctor that the reason they see more women than men being prescribed benzodiazepines is that men more typically self medicate with drinking.

In a conversation with a counselor who specializes in addiction (drugs or alcohol) - he said that one of the first things to due is help the person see that this behavior is self-medicating and in that respect has been a useful thing for the person. They should not feel ashamed of this crutch. Just acknowledge it for what it is and move on. The next step is to identify why the person feels the need to self medicate. (the conversation didn't move beyond this, sorry)

Advice: *plan on utilizing rehabilitation services*

P.S. Washington state is a beautiful place to be - are you on the wet side or dry side?


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## Guest (Dec 23, 2010)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> Anybody else out there not too ashamed to admit a drug addiction? I'm just curious. I'm a Heroin addict. Well, not really a Heroin addict, more an Opiate addict. Heroin is just cheaper and more accessible to me. I took to opiates immediately, finding that they relieved a good deal of my DP. After becoming hooked on 'em, I found it was just about gone. I'm kind of a booze hound as well. Which really intensifies DP, but makes you not really give a shit about it. I was actually able to fully explore my state, while drunk, and turn out with a positive perspective on it. I wasn't always drunk, but, well, a good 5 nights outta the week. I'm currently struggling intensely to kick Heroin. But as I come back into a state of raw emotion, there's tremendous fear and doubt. Of course. But, blah, anyways. Anyone out there brave enough to admit it? You see, I'm not ashamed of my drug use. I have never been. It's a legitimate way out for people who struggle and struggle in this life. It is certainly not a constructive thing to do. You will go no where and then some as a drug addict. But how the hell can people judge so harshly? Are you so fucking soulless that you think of a junkie as filth? Blah blah blah. Done. I'm just wondering if some of you folks deal with your DP/DR in similar ways. Did you begin before or after DP? How does it effect your state/outlook? Anyone brave enough? Yes, I've had some Whiskey tonight. I will not, however, regret this tomorrow.


Hi ItCouldBe,

Yeah I'll admit to it. I self medicated for about 30 years, and did a very good job at it too! Of course I wondered why all my friends had tapered right off or stopped completely, and I just took more and more of everything. I was on a mission to destroy myself. It got to a point this year ( when i was 46 ) when I just went too far too often, over and over, every night, total destruction.. I'd wake up covered in blood, covered in cuts and bruises on my body, with no memory of what had happened. One night I got a flashback to a horrible memory of my early childhood. That memory was so scary I decided to end everything once and for all. However. Totally wrecked on booze, pills and pot I rang a support line. They rescued me and took me to hospital. I have since learnt, with the kind of traumatic memories I'm dealing with, it's about time and distance. Time- how long has it been since the trauma? And distance-how far away is the perpetrator? Only when there was sufficient time and distance did I get a look at what had been locked inside me for all these years. I never knew!
So the counselling began. I am living proof that memories can be suppressed for a very long time ( about 43 years in my case). My counsellor told me yeah, I had been self medicating for that long and there was a reason. It kept me alive! I suppose you can do it either way, take medication or 'do it yourself' using 'illegal' drugs. Obviously I chose the DIY method. I'm not ashamed of this. I didn't really understand why I had always felt this need, but now I do. Oh by the way, because of my childhood I learnt to dissociate from about the age of 3 or 4 and in the past 4 months I dissociate (dp/dr/did) all day every day. It's not my fault I'm like this. Therefore I'm not ashamed as I said. 
I no longer take drugs of any description. I'm beginning to look after myself. I'm slowly trying to put all the pieces of my fragmented life back together, piece by piece. But I've gotta feel safe in this world to do it and that's not easy for me. Anything which alters my perception (more than it is already) stops this process from happening. I go backwards, not forwards.
I've learnt a fair bit about 'self medicating' over the years, and I think one of the most important things I've learnt is not to judge people for it!
So that's my story,

Look after yourself.
Philos


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2010)

Visual Dude said:


> * I'm not ashamed of my drug use*
> 
> Years ago was told by a doctor that the reason they see more women than men being prescribed benzodiazepines is that men more typically self medicate with drinking.
> 
> ...


Wet, wet, wet. Vancouver, WA. 15 minutes north of Portland. I'm very close to being free. I've actually never been so close. I went through detox, and during, an NA/AA/Not sure speaker came and everyone formed a circle to talk and talk and read the bible or something like that. I immediately exited and entered my room and took a nap. Rehab has never appealed to me. Not because of denial. I'm way too independent a thinker/self-analyzer and tossing myself into a box with a bunch of people with the exact same problems threatens my sense of individuality, which is already nearly non-existent after DP occurred. I'm really not doing too bad right now. I do not enjoy Heroin. That helps when trying to kick it. Thanks for your regard and reply.


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2010)

Philos said:


> Hi ItCouldBe,
> 
> Yeah I'll admit to it. I self medicated for about 30 years, and did a very good job at it too! Of course I wondered why all my friends had tapered right off or stopped completely, and I just took more and more of everything. I was on a mission to destroy myself. It got to a point this year ( when i was 46 ) when I just went too far too often, over and over, every night, total destruction.. I'd wake up covered in blood, covered in cuts and bruises on my body, with no memory of what had happened. One night I got a flashback to a horrible memory of my early childhood. That memory was so scary I decided to end everything once and for all. However. Totally wrecked on booze, pills and pot I rang a support line. They rescued me and took me to hospital. I have since learnt, with the kind of traumatic memories I'm dealing with, it's about time and distance. Time- how long has it been since the trauma? And distance-how far away is the perpetrator? Only when there was sufficient time and distance did I get a look at what had been locked inside me for all these years. I never knew!
> So the counselling began. I am living proof that memories can be suppressed for a very long time ( about 43 years in my case). My counsellor told me yeah, I had been self medicating for that long and there was a reason. It kept me alive! I suppose you can do it either way, take medication or 'do it yourself' using 'illegal' drugs. Obviously I chose the DIY method. I'm not ashamed of this. I didn't really understand why I had always felt this need, but now I do. Oh by the way, because of my childhood I learnt to dissociate from about the age of 3 or 4 and in the past 4 months I dissociate (dp/dr/did) all day every day. It's not my fault I'm like this. Therefore I'm not ashamed as I said.
> ...


Wow. Sounds like you've had quite an intense life. That's pretty great that you've made it through. One thing I've actually become somewhat proud of lately is the fact that I am still alive. People, generally, don't likely have all that much difficulty surviving their individual lives. But, for me, to have not killed myself through all the loneliness, misery and confusion is kind of an accomplishment! haha. Sounds pretty silly I guess. The more shit you go through, hitting rock bottom in deep emotional pain, gives you something pretty great. Compassion. And like you said, being non-judgmental. That's a pretty good trait in a person.

Thanks a lot for your honesty and empathy, Philos.


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2010)

Cambella2002 said:


> I don't know if self-medicating is the same as being a "junkie"....I feel uncomfortable using that term. I don't like to classify individuals or confine a person to a inappropriate term. Anyways, if you tried drugs and found yourself enjoying the feelings of the substance then I think you would fall under the term of a "junkie" well I don't know. It seems that you drawn to alcohol and herion/opiates for a different reason. Which is to relieve the symptoms of your condition. Please challenge me, if you don't believe so.


I just consider myself a 'junkie' because I'm an intravenous Heroin addict. I never used any drugs socially or just for fun really. I was actually a couple years into suicidal depression before they even appealed to me. Nearly two years into DP, I was pretty worn out and incredibly lonely and frustrated that no one else had any idea what my daily state was like. By taking a couple pills, my anxiety was relieved and I felt almost normal again. My ego at least partially returned. I finally felt my 'self' again. An emotional self. Not the detached, intellectual DP self.

Your binge eating is definitely comparable to my situation. Eating is a very comforting process. I am never horribly depressed if I've got a good meal or a giant milkshake in my lap in front of the boob tube. Eating is an addiction we all have and don't even realize. I don't mean in the same way as yours. Abstaining from eating is super hard to do. The craving and preoccupation is very much like one aspect of dope sickness.

AAAnyways. Thank you very much for your reply. It feels a lot better than being ignored.


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2010)

Another thing that people don't realize before they judge is that drug addicts are almost never satisfied with their lives. I figure that the majority of them are not continuously using for pleasure. Once you are fully hooked, once you NEED it to feel somewhat normal and functional, it is no longer any fun. It is just very sad and frustrating.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> I just consider myself a 'junkie' because I'm an intravenous Heroin addict. I never used any drugs socially or just for fun really. I was actually a couple years into suicidal depression before they even appealed to me. Nearly two years into DP, I was pretty worn out and incredibly lonely and frustrated that no one else had any idea what my daily state was like. By taking a couple pills, my anxiety was relieved and I felt almost normal again. My ego at least partially returned. I finally felt my 'self' again. An emotional self. Not the detached, intellectual DP self.


Heroin saved my life. After a year and a half with severe DP and suicidal ideation I said fuck it and tried to off myself by swallowing pills. After escaping from a psych ward while on a 51/50 still wanting nothing more than to die I called someone I knew used dope, got some, did it, and it worked like a miracle. My thought at the time was, "if this doesn't work I am going to buy a gun and put it to my head." I had never used drugs before in my life and when I did it was out of pure desperation. Heroin gave me a will to live through the darkest time of my life. I used for about 2 years.

Last dec. I was arrested. Kicking balls in jail with DP was an all time low. Actually I have had worse days. I went to rehab after and have gone back and forth between being clean and using dope for the past year. I've currently been off opiates for 4 months which I never thought I'd do. Life is actually ok. I've managed to keep a part time job for 9 months which I am stoked about.

There was a time and place when and where heroin saved my life. It's the one thing that gave me a will to live. I am giving this clean thing a shot though to see if I can actually make some kind of life for myself. I want to give myself some time. Doing dope is an excellent short term remedy but in the long run just fucks things up worse.

Anyways man I can relate to where you are coming from and also have no shame talking about it. People who judge can go fuck themselves as they obviously don't know what it's like.

Sincerely,
Your fellow depersonalized junkie friend


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2010)

ItCouldBeRobots

Thanx for your kind words. I really appreciate that. 
One thing I forgot to mention is a couple of books I've read by a guy called Allen Carr. He has the most straight forward, common sense approach to addiction you could ever read. You have to read it to believe it. His success rate for people stopping smoking and drinking alcohol is over 90%, way better than any other method, and if you read it you'll know why. His simple philosophy cured my alcohol addiction and my smoking addiction. Neither time did I experience ANY unpleasant withdrawals. Just like he promises. Sounds too good to be true doesn't it? As he says in his books, "he gets no support from any government, so spread the word if it works for you" So spread the word I will!
In no way am I affiliated to Allen Carr or any company selling his goods.
Allen Carr, 'The Easy Way to Stop Smoking' and another one 'The Easy Way to Stop Drinking Alcohol'
Oh, and by the way, thanx for starting this post. I believe you did this because you care about yourself, and us. I applaud your openness and honesty. Not everyone has those qualities as you know!
And before I forget again! I used Allen Carr's method to finally stop smoking pot. I was tired of smoking anyway and just naturally reducing my usage, but I used his philosophy to finish it off. Somewhere in one of his books, I've read he says you can adapt his method to any form of drug addiction, including heroin. For 30 bucks. Hmm.

Take care and be strong.

Philos


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## Guest (Dec 31, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Heroin saved my life. After a year and a half with severe DP and suicidal ideation I said fuck it and tried to off myself by swallowing pills. After escaping from a psych ward while on a 51/50 still wanting nothing more than to die I called someone I knew used dope, got some, did it, and it worked like a miracle. My thought at the time was, "if this doesn't work I am going to buy a gun and put it to my head." I had never used drugs before in my life and when I did it was out of pure desperation. Heroin gave me a will to live through the darkest time of my life. I used for about 2 years.
> 
> Last dec. I was arrested. Kicking balls in jail with DP was an all time low. Actually I have had worse days. I went to rehab after and have gone back and forth between being clean and using dope for the past year. I've currently been off opiates for 4 months which I never thought I'd do. Life is actually ok. I've managed to keep a part time job for 9 months which I am stoked about.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the reply, man. The empathy helps. And sorry for me taking a week to respond. No internet at home.

Crazy, man. Toward the end of my all time low period (late 19), right before my depersonalization, I myself put all my hopes into Heroin. I tried exhaustively hard to score a gram through a new 'friend'. He strung me along for about a month having, I think, spent my 60 bucks immediately. Finally I get my balloon and after about 20 hits (smoked...lol) I realize I've been ripped off. I was fucking crushed. I decided I'd soon be killing myself and suddenly felt a ton of pressure relieved. The moment I decided I would truly kill myself, I felt much better. Pretty fucking funny. Anyways, DP then occurred and I've yet to want to die so intensely as that. What's REALLY funny is that what I figured would inspire and revitalize me, as it did you, didn't at all. I had a journal in which I spoke so much of my desire to inject Heroin and how wonderful I figured it would be. As soon as I finally did Heroin the entries completely stopped. Haha. Was just another drug.

Jesus, man. Kicking in jail... Can't imagine. I hope it really goes well for you. I'm SUPER conflicted right now. Not wanting to use, the next day feeling lonely and fearful as fuck, and then of course getting a bit sentimental and wanting to use. Blah blah blah.

Anyways, Thanks for sincerely being my fellow depersonalized junkie friend.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> Thanks for the reply, man. The empathy helps. And sorry for me taking a week to respond. No internet at home.
> 
> Crazy, man. Toward the end of my all time low period (late 19), right before my depersonalization, I myself put all my hopes into Heroin. I tried exhaustively hard to score a gram through a new 'friend'. He strung me along for about a month having, I think, spent my 60 bucks immediately. Finally I get my balloon and after about 20 hits (smoked...lol) I realize I've been ripped off. I was fucking crushed. I decided I'd soon be killing myself and suddenly felt a ton of pressure relieved. The moment I decided I would truly kill myself, I felt much better. Pretty fucking funny. Anyways, DP then occurred and I've yet to want to die so intensely as that. What's REALLY funny is that what I figured would inspire and revitalize me, as it did you, didn't at all. I had a journal in which I spoke so much of my desire to inject Heroin and how wonderful I figured it would be. As soon as I finally did Heroin the entries completely stopped. Haha. Was just another drug.
> 
> ...


I relate, you sound a lot like me. We should swap stories.

- FDJF
(fellow depersonalized junkie friend)... (who happens to be clean for a little over 4 months)...(but that's probably because I take subutex now)...(i honestly miss dope more than anything)...(fuck)... (my back is sweating, i am craving now, you know the feeling)... (good luck with shit)


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2011)

surfingisfun001 said:


> I relate, you sound a lot like me. We should swap stories.
> 
> - FDJF
> (fellow depersonalized junkie friend)... (who happens to be clean for a little over 4 months)...(but that's probably because I take subutex now)...(i honestly miss dope more than anything)...(fuck)... (my back is sweating, i am craving now, you know the feeling)... (good luck with shit)


Subutex eh? Is that prescription Suboxone? Duh, yeah. Guess it would be. At first I was thinking Buprenorphine. I hear ya. Was on Methadone for 5 months and then, well, I couldn't pay them, so they gave me the boot. No goodbyes. Struggled and struggled and then unfortunately started hanging out with an old best friend who was just getting into Dope and of course I figured I'd give it a shot for old time's sake. No pun intended. Now I'm sorta fucked again. Tryin to stay positive. It's easier to not want to die while on dope. At the same time it's a lot harder to feel genuine joy. God damn man. I hope you make it.

I tell ya what, music sounds 10 times as fucking magical while NOT on dope! There's a fucking positive. Modest Mouse, mane.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> Subutex eh? Is that prescription Suboxone? Duh, yeah. Guess it would be. At first I was thinking Buprenorphine. I hear ya. Was on Methadone for 5 months and then, well, I couldn't pay them, so they gave me the boot. No goodbyes. Struggled and struggled and then unfortunately started hanging out with an old best friend who was just getting into Dope and of course I figured I'd give it a shot for old time's sake. No pun intended. Now I'm sorta fucked again. Tryin to stay positive. It's easier to not want to die while on dope. At the same time it's a lot harder to feel genuine joy. God damn man. I hope you make it.
> 
> I tell ya what, music sounds 10 times as fucking magical while NOT on dope! There's a fucking positive. Modest Mouse, mane.


Subutex, similar to suboxone just no naloxone in it unlike suboxone. I was going to give methadone a try but hear it's the worst kick there is.


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2011)

Yeah. In taking Methadone you'll still be physically dependent on opiates and the withdrawals will last probably 4 times as long as smack. Probably not quite as intense, just more enduring. It definitely got me off smack, though. It was a great short term remedy. I got to get up in the morning and go take ma' drugs legally and didn't crave or get sick until the next morning before I made my way back to do it again. Damn, I've certainly never come across Buprenorphine without Naloxone. Interesting.

I can imagine I may catch shit from administrators for all this talk.


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## staples (Apr 1, 2009)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> Yeah. In taking Methadone you'll still be physically dependent on opiates and the withdrawals will last probably 4 times as long as smack. Probably not quite as intense, just more enduring. It definitely got me off smack, though. It was a great short term remedy. I got to get up in the morning and go take ma' drugs legally and didn't crave or get sick until the next morning before I made my way back to do it again. Damn, I've certainly never come across Buprenorphine without Naloxone. Interesting.
> 
> I can imagine I may catch shit from administrators for all this talk.


I find it actually weird because the affects of opiates can actually induce depersonalization symptoms in a lot of people.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

staples said:


> I find it actually weird because the affects of opiates can actually induce depersonalization symptoms in a lot of people.


That is true with a lot of drugs. Increasing serotonin is often for this very purpose. And it is the 'in vogue' thing for doctors to try first.

The thing to remember is that drug can have the opposite affect. When I started Gabapentin and Klonopin (at levels that should be very sedative) it greatly increased my energy and alertness. None of my doctors have ever heard of these two meds doing such a thing.

I find opiates helpful but mainly use other meds that are more helpful.


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## staples (Apr 1, 2009)

Visual Dude said:


> That is true with a lot of drugs. Increasing serotonin is often for this very purpose. And it is the 'in vogue' thing for doctors to try first.
> 
> The thing to remember is that drug can have the opposite affect. When I started Gabapentin and Klonopin (at levels that should be very sedative) it greatly increased my energy and alertness. None of my doctors have ever heard of these two meds doing such a thing.
> 
> I find opiates helpful but mainly use other meds that are more helpful.


They both work on the neurotransmitter, GABA. I suppose if you're in a relaxed state of mind it could actually make you more-so alert then being stressed and anxious with brain fog. I hear ya on the sedative levels, everyone's body reacts differently to medication. If I take 1.0mg of Klonopin that will put me out. I've seen friends take 2.0mg and go out drinking that night with "minor" sedation.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

*I've seen friends take 2.0mg and go out drinking that night with "minor" sedation.*

I hear you. I know people who take Oxycodone like candy yet are VERY active, drive like hell on the highways, etc... (then they have the nerve to complain about fatigue)

I am a 'beta-head' so taking GABA stuff quiets excess brain activity and let energy be channeled to a more useful purpose. Thanx for the post.


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## nabber (Feb 13, 2009)

Yeah, I had an opiate addiction most of last year then I got on suboxone and i've been opiate free for about four months now. I dont crave opiates as much, I really miss it, but I decided I dont want to die. I had Od'd on benzo's in July 08' while I was prescribed 6mg of klonopin, andhad a bottle of old xanax at the time, so I just took most of the bottle..anyway after the stay at the psych ward I was cut down to 1mg of Klonopin per day.. but my dp/dr got kind of extreme again so I turned to opiates again.. and round and round I go.. hopefully one day things will feel normal
I hope in my lifetime atleast once I could feel alive again.. even for a day, a few hours..


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## Guest (Jan 18, 2011)

nabber said:


> Yeah, I had an opiate addiction most of last year then I got on suboxone and i've been opiate free for about four months now. I dont crave opiates as much, I really miss it, but I decided I dont want to die. I had Od'd on benzo's in July 08' while I was prescribed 6mg of klonopin, andhad a bottle of old xanax at the time, so I just took most of the bottle..anyway after the stay at the psych ward I was cut down to 1mg of Klonopin per day.. but my dp/dr got kind of extreme again so I turned to opiates again.. and round and round I go.. hopefully one day things will feel normal
> I hope in my lifetime atleast once I could feel alive again.. even for a day, a few hours..


You like Nirvana AND Nas? Must be a pretty smart fella.


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## nabber (Feb 13, 2009)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> You like Nirvana AND Nas? Must be a pretty smart fella.


I don't really know how to respond to that... Thank you?


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## Guest (Jan 28, 2011)

A psychologist friend I have treats people on the spectrum who have gotten in trouble from alcohol and drug abuse. He says that most of them aren't addicted. They're just self medicating to cope. Having no one to talk about about being responisible with self medication or even thinking that there actually are ways to manage their substance use, they frequently overuse and mess up their lives.

He wanted a message board section for in depth discussion.

If you build it, they will come..... but sometimes it takes a long, long time to make that happen. Oh well.....


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## Cambella2002 (Nov 25, 2010)

ITcouldbeRobots,
Just came along this topic tonight. I'm curious on how you are doing on your path to recovery. I hope each day you're getting close to healing from addiction and DP and from any suffering. So reading this topic made me think a whole lot. It also reminded me of this weekend. I was having such a horrible weekend at my night job. Trying to manage anger, anxiety and disappointment is so tough to do while being SOBER. Twice I considered to relieve my stress through..... but proudly enough I refused. Your story is very touching..

I hope you are doing wonderfully. Take care...Good luck


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## Guest (Mar 9, 2011)

I think Some people choose self-medication due to concerns about safety and effectiveness of prescription drugs and traditional treatments. Seek professional help for a very personal question may also involve admitting an addiction or lifestyle choice illegal, so some people choose to self-medicate rather than reveal the true nature of their conditions on others.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

I've not had a drink for about 8 weeks now. I have however been self medicating with food, caffeine, porn and video games.

It's 5:24am and I am still awake. No sign of tiredness. There is a bottle of wine downstairs and I have been able to resist it for 8 weeks. Now, it's becoming very hard.

I am at war with myself not to drink it. I know it will give me some temporary relief from this emptiness I feel but I know I will regret it. In fact, by drinking now, I am just making it easier for me to drink tomorrow, and again, and again.

I've been down that road, I know exactly where it ends up.


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## Guest (Mar 19, 2011)

never_giving_up said:


> I've not had a drink for about 8 weeks now. I have however been self medicating with food, caffeine, porn and video games.
> 
> It's 5:24am and I am still awake. No sign of tiredness. There is a bottle of wine downstairs and I have been able to resist it for 8 weeks. Now, it's becoming very hard.
> 
> ...


Well, I hope you managed to resist it another week. I've been drinking probably 5 nights out of the week lately. So far it has not led to anything productive. Just intense sadness and un-concentrated creativity. Games are not a bad way to go. My friend is consumed by them and he is the least sad person I've ever known.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> Well, I hope you managed to resist it another week. I've been drinking probably 5 nights out of the week lately. So far it has not led to anything productive. Just intense sadness and un-concentrated creativity. Games are not a bad way to go. My friend is consumed by them and he is the least sad person I've ever known.


Annoyingly I've started drinking again. I have points of relief where I feel relatively normal but overall I feel like I've taken two steps backwards.

How's your opium addiction coming along?

I got partially addicted to painkillers the other week which had codeine in them.


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## Guest (Mar 22, 2011)

never_giving_up said:


> Annoyingly I've started drinking again. I have points of relief where I feel relatively normal but overall I feel like I've taken two steps backwards.
> 
> How's your opium addiction coming along?
> 
> I got partially addicted to painkillers the other week which had codeine in them.


Ergh... It's coming along. I'm drinking now, instead. Which is not too much of an improvement. But, at least there's passion when drunk. When you're doped up, you're warm and fuzzy, but null. Thank you for asking.

Yeah, be careful regarding painkillers. They will do exactly that. Kill pain. You may manage day to day, but it can't last forever. Fear and doubt will resurface soon enough.

I hope you can stay centered and loving while you drink. Twice, lately, I've become overwhelmed with negativity. Maybe you'll have better luck, though. 'Cause you never give up!


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## girlie (Apr 1, 2010)

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## unnamednn (Nov 9, 2008)

girlie said:


> AND - imho MDMA should be a prescription med, not an illegal drug. For psychotherapy use. As it works. And it has been proved by legal experimental research projects e.g. with PTSD patients, and I have also heared of one person dx'ed with depersonalization disorder, who was lucky enough to take part in that kind of experimental MDMA therapy, and she was completely healed. It really sucks that MDMA has a status as an illegal, "dangerous" drug.


MDMA is the only substance i've seen that changed all of my friends in a more positive way, showing them how beautifull their live really is.
As for myself i found that i still don't have any words to compare how much it helped me accept things as they really are and also the feeling of hope i'd felt once again which because of DP i thought was permanently lost.

I'd be really nice to see the whole planet on MDMA even just for a day.

Peace


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## girlie (Apr 1, 2010)

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