# Feel like im not real and like my brain is burnt out



## Illiterate (Mar 17, 2021)

Hi im 19 and since I was 17 ive been feeling symptoms of derealization. I feel like im stuck in a gaze. I feel so disconnected from my family. I feel like I dont belong there anymore. It scares the shit out of me because I dont want to waste my young years being disconected from everyone. When im around my old friends i dont really feel anything. I just feel fake. I dont even feel like im 19. I feel like im a 12 year old that dosent know anything. I feel so unaware of everything around me and am really stuborn all the time. Im angry and annoyed at everyone because it feels like im getting attacked from everywhere. I used to be the funny guy at school and had a lot of energy and creative and fun but now im just nothing. It feels like im fading away. It feels like im worthless and am nothing. I allways feel unmotivated and dont want to do anything. I have to force myself to do stuff like excersice and play sports. I used to love playing soccer but now i cant get over how bad I am. When I play I feel so awkward playing. Its like my coordination is gone. Everything feels like one big long day. Even with my cousins. I dont feel like I know them anymore and when im around them I feel so cold and unfriendly to them. Its not that im trying to be but idk how to relax or be ok idk. Im about to go to college next semester and Idk if i should because im not myself at all and feel like I will waste my time being cold and distant. Even when I drink I dont get happy or sad. Its like it dosent effect me at all. The only thing i feel is that I get dizzy when I drink (witch is not even often) and it dosent make me have fun or anything. I dont understand. Is there any hope? I saw some people on here say that it took them like 19 years to get over it and I just dont want that at all. Even with my brothers who i grew up with really close to i feel distant. I cant have fun with them and im just faking everything that I do because i dont want to do anything. Im scared that im not myself anymore and that im becoming a cold person.


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## Alexa1996 (Jul 6, 2021)

Hello! First I just want you to know that you are not alone. It’s convincing to believe that we’re alone during this time because everything and everyone seems unreal and fake. Almost as if nothing exists.

I am 24 years old and I have struggled with anxiety, depression and derealization/depersonalization on and off my entire life, but I choose to focus and remember the good times of my life rather than the times I was depressed and going through this..

However, my depression flared up two weeks ago and I have been feeling everything you’re feeling ever since. I look at my family and the surroundings around me and I just don’t understand how any of it is real. I feel disconnected from everything I am and everyone I know. It’s SO hard, but I’ve gotten through it before & I know I will again. You will too. Please stay strong and know that you aren’t alone.


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## Illiterate (Mar 17, 2021)

Alexa1996 said:


> Hello! First I just want you to know that you are not alone. It’s convincing to believe that we’re alone during this time because everything and everyone seems unreal and fake. Almost as if nothing exists.
> 
> I am 24 years old and I have struggled with anxiety, depression and derealization/depersonalization on and off my entire life, but I choose to focus and remember the good times of my life rather than the times I was depressed and going through this..
> 
> However, my depression flared up two weeks ago and I have been feeling everything you’re feeling ever since. I look at my family and the surroundings around me and I just don’t understand how any of it is real. I feel disconnected from everything I am and everyone I know. It’s SO hard, but I’ve gotten through it before & I know I will again. You will too. Please stay strong and know that you aren’t alone.


Thank you. For me consistently playing sports and staying active has started to help recently but then there are some days that it is just bad.


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## Illiterate (Mar 17, 2021)

Illiterate said:


> Thank you. For me consistently playing sports and staying active has started to help recently but then there are some days that it is just bad.


Its also like im scared to have fun or feel positive emotions sometimes. I feel guilty and wrong. I feel paranoid that something is wrong and have to figure out what it is. Do you feel anything like that?


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## Alexa1996 (Jul 6, 2021)

Illiterate said:


> Its also like im scared to have fun or feel positive emotions sometimes. I feel guilty and wrong. I feel paranoid that something is wrong and have to figure out what it is. Do you feel anything like that?


I kind of understand what you’re saying, I don’t think it’s that your scared, I think it’s more you don’t feel like that is possible.

Sometimes I tell myself “I can’t wait till I’m happy again and feel like myself.” But when I say that I get a fearful feeling so it makes that desire feel negative. I get fearful because it feels like I have never been happy, or my mind is like “how will I ever be happy if I don’t FEEL anything and fell numb to my emotions..”


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)




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## Illiterate (Mar 17, 2021)

Does anyone get the feeling of throwing up randomly and that it is hard to breath. Now when im kind of high up I get dizzy and disoriented. I feel like there is something so bad inside me. Idk what this is but i feel attacked a lot now. Even when I shoudnt. Like a lot of stuff that people say to me feels like an attack. I dont get it. I cant tell if this is part of DP or im just turning into a pussy. Im scared of people because I just know that I cant be like them. Does anyone else get these symptoms?


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