# Miserable Again!



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I only had a small break from the last time I was on here whining about feeling like crap. I have no idea what is going on. I feel absolutely horrible right now. Every day I wake up feeling different but all are just stages or weird sensations, disorientation, etc. It's snowballing again. I wake up almost every night in panic, not knowing who or where I am. I don't feel much better in the morning. I'm back to constantly telling myself that I know who I am and where I'm at. I just feel awful. Long gone are the days where I was functioning better and feeling hopeful. I'm seriously considering quitting my job because I think the stress and isolation are contributing to me feel so horrible (work from home, sit in my room for 8 hours a day on the computer). I just can't really quit because I have bills to pay. This really freaking sucks.


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2010)

Ugh. i wish i could give you some positivity, but i really can't. i've only had this for 8 months but its basically ruined every aspect of my life. i wish you the best


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

guitarpwner said:


> Ugh. i wish i could give you some positivity, but i really can't. i've only had this for 8 months but its basically ruined every aspect of my life. i wish you the best


 Thank you. I've had it for a year and 3 months and some day I honestly wonder how long it is going to be before I kill myself. These thoughts aren't even like in a dark emotional fit of rage either. I can be feeling completely calm and I think about this because, honestly, on days like today I just want to quit. I am completely worn out of fighting to make it through every day. There is not a single moment of depersonalization or derealization that is easy. Every second in a hellish struggle and what happens when you honestly just don't want to do it anymore? I think about this a lot.

It's so hard for me to fathom how effortless life is for people without dp. I can't identify anymore. I don't remember what it feels like anymore but I do remember that, though a day might be boring or even if I was dealing with pain, nothing was ever a fraction as difficult as this is. Dp is completely mentally, emotionally, and physically draining.


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## jd99034 (Dec 2, 2008)

Hey, I've been where you are. Completely recovered, then worse off than before just like that. You'll feel better again. I have been had these symptoms for over 12 years, but for the last few years, I have been mostly 100% and I think back to the days where I was basically suicidal and thank god I didn't act on those thoughts. So believe me when I say there is hope you will gain something out of this. I remember when I used to fight every day, taking it one day at a time. For me it slowly got better, sometimes worse, but always better after a while. And when you are feeling better, you will look back and realize how you have come so far and wonder how you ever could have felt those dark feelings.


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## SophieKaris (Dec 8, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> I only had a small break from the last time I was on here whining about feeling like crap. I have no idea what is going on. I feel absolutely horrible right now. Every day I wake up feeling different but all are just stages or weird sensations, disorientation, etc. It's snowballing again. I wake up almost every night in panic, not knowing who or where I am. I don't feel much better in the morning. I'm back to constantly telling myself that I know who I am and where I'm at. I just feel awful. Long gone are the days where I was functioning better and feeling hopeful. I'm seriously considering quitting my job because I think the stress and isolation are contributing to me feel so horrible (work from home, sit in my room for 8 hours a day on the computer). I just can't really quit because I have bills to pay. This really freaking sucks.


Hi honey what have you tried to help it ?


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

oh about 12 different medications, 5 counselors, 2 hospitalizations, varies herbal remedies, cognative behavioral therapy,etc. There really is notjing that actually helps sadly.


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## china77 (Aug 27, 2010)

Hang in there. You don't want to die you want the dp/dr/anxiety/depression to die. I been there and still go through it at times but it does get better. Just please give it time.


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## flat (Jun 18, 2006)

The fact that we feel really bad just after waking up (same for me) makes me feel that it has something to do with the sleeping brain. Like maybe too much DMT (dimethyltryptamine) being produced in our brains when we dream. Have you ever had sleep tests done?


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

flat said:


> The fact that we feel really bad just after waking up (same for me) makes me feel that it has something to do with the sleeping brain. Like maybe too much DMT (dimethyltryptamine) being produced in our brains when we dream. Have you ever had sleep tests done?


I haven't but I remember York had some kind of brain study and even though she was awake during the test, the test showed that she had fallen asleep. I agree that it has to have a major conection to sleep in some way. I often dream while awake. It will happen within an hour of waking and an hour of falling asleep. They are like day dreams but I'm not spaced out. They aren't hallucinations because I don't see people or things physically around me. It's like over active imagination but without spacing out while imagining. Does that make sense?


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## flat (Jun 18, 2006)

Ummmm, no. Well actually kinda. It's like we're preoccupied with something yet we can be aware of other things at the same time. Almost like reliving a memory with pictures of it in our minds while having the awareness of what's around us. Like daydreaming while driving. Am I close?


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

flat said:


> Ummmm, no. Well actually kinda. It's like we're preoccupied with something yet we can be aware of other things at the same time. Almost like reliving a memory with pictures of it in our minds while having the awareness of what's around us. Like daydreaming while driving. Am I close?


It's like having a lucid dream I guess. Don't know any other way to explain it.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> oh about 12 different medications, 5 counselors, 2 hospitalizations, varies herbal remedies, cognative behavioral therapy,etc. There really is notjing that actually helps sadly.


25 different medications, 3 psychologists, 4 psychiatrists, a neuropsychologist, various brain scans, various blood tests, somewhere between 10-15 health professionals, a complete change in diet, 4 different supplement regimens, moving out, trying to be social, getting a job, exercise. Now that I look at it I can see why I did all this. At the same time it is completely ridiculous. Well not the getting a job and being social part, but really there is no outside cure. The only cure is within and time. I found out the hard way. That's me though, hah.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I think we all go through it Kenny. In our culture we expect there to be a quick explanation and quick cure because we think we are so advanced in science and medicine. So it's natural that we search and while searching for an actual instant relief isnt bad, I think the value comes from realizing what you said, the cure comes from within.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Yeah I've come to realize that suffering is inevitable. If you live long enough you will suffer at some point in your life. Why should I be any different? Still sux tho. I only hope that we all will be made stronger through our suffering and one day be at peace.


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