# So fucking scared.



## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Another rant. I don't know, I can't do this anymore. I feel disconnected from everything, my mind and brain are completely disconnected. Nothing feels real. a simple action, a simple task, having a conversation with my parents face to face, NOTHING FEELS REAL.it simply does not FEEL like it's happening and I'm in some crazy far away world. When I am doing something, anything, it doesn't connect with my brain. All I can fucking do is cry and suffer, suffer, suffer, suffer. Everything is hard to do. How bad have people had DR before? I've heard that some had it so bad they needed help walking, well, that's how bad mine is. I can't be left alone, I need somebody with me if I'm going out which I have been doing with my dad. I am completely disconnected from my actions and my life.I feel so lost and so scared. I cant understand how it got so bad. I can't even socialize or do anything but exist and suffer and watch the minutes go by. Nothing brings me piece of mind, absolutely nothing. I don't know If I will ever get better and I want nothing more but just to feel some relief. Please give me some advice. Is anyone out there suffering as much as me? I am planning to get a cat scan soon just to make sure nothing is seriously wrong. The only thing that is good is that I can't stop eating, so at least that's a good sign, haha.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Melissa_Z said:


> Another rant. I don't know, I can't do this anymore. I feel disconnected from everything, my mind and brain are completely disconnected. Nothing feels real. a simple action, a simple task, having a conversation with my parents face to face, NOTHING FEELS REAL.it simply does not FEEL like it's happening and I'm in some crazy far away world. When I am doing something, anything, it doesn't connect with my brain. All I can fucking do is cry and suffer, suffer, suffer, suffer. Everything is hard to do. How bad have people had DR before? I've heard that some had it so bad they needed help walking, well, that's how bad mine is. I can't be left alone, I need somebody with me if I'm going out which I have been doing with my dad. I am completely disconnected from my actions and my life.I feel so lost and so scared. I cant understand how it got so bad. I can't even socialize or do anything but exist and suffer and watch the minutes go by. Nothing brings me piece of mind, absolutely nothing. I don't know If I will ever get better and I want nothing more but just to feel some relief. Please give me some advice. Is anyone out there suffering as much as me? I am planning to get a cat scan soon just to make sure nothing is seriously wrong. The only thing that is good is that I can't stop eating, so at least that's a good sign, haha.


I also was so bad that I needed help walking. I think you should go admit yourself to the psych ward. Being in there instantly made me feel much better. I think it might help you too.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

My parents don't want to admit me anywhere. What would they do there anyway? And also Sarah, youve been a great help. Thank you for all your advice.







it means a lot.
And also I have another symptom where I feel like I'm disappearing or vanishing away...anyone else?


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## PlayCrackTheSky (Dec 14, 2010)

Yes, it's very scary. Yesterday I had to run into the super market alone and I had to go all the way to the back of the store and I was walking, I started to get a bad attack, that this isn't real feeling,I'm gonna wake up anytime. I thought I was going to pass out and then I had to wait in a long line and make small talk with the cashier.. When I got home, I still couldn't shake that pass out feeling.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Melissa_Z said:


> My parents don't want to admit me anywhere. What would they do there anyway? And also Sarah, youve been a great help. Thank you for all your advice.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm glad to hear that my advice is helping. Well, I think for me going to the psych ward was going somewhere that I was being taken care of and where they were trying to help. Being forced to be social, shower, eat, and engage in daily acitivties actually really helped me. It taught me that no matter how bad I felt, I felt better when I pushed myself to try and act normal.

Yes, that's normal with dp and dr. I actually couldn't sleep the night before last because I was scared that I was going to disappear once I fell asleep.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

PlayCrackTheSky said:


> Yes, it's very scary. Yesterday I had to run into the super market alone and I had to go all the way to the back of the store and I was walking, I started to get a bad attack, that this isn't real feeling,I'm gonna wake up anytime. I thought I was going to pass out and then I had to wait in a long line and make small talk with the cashier.. When I got home, I still couldn't shake that pass out feeling.


If it makes you feel any better, that feeling does eventually go away. When I first got dp I couldn't stand to be in grocery stores. All of the noise, the lighting, the people. It was too much and I'd always freak out and then super dp out. Now it doesn't bother me at all. I actually like shopping now because it makes my focus external and makes me feel more normal.


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## PlayCrackTheSky (Dec 14, 2010)

Yea, I've had do for about 9 years and I've always been fine going out, I would love going anywhere just to go and get out. But recently I've fallen into this bad funk, no funners. I started taking some dmae and ps100, so we will see if it helps


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

PlayCrackTheSky said:


> Yea, I've had do for about 9 years and I've always been fine going out, I would love going anywhere just to go and get out. But recently I've fallen into this bad funk, no funners. I started taking some dmae and ps100, so we will see if it helps


I'm sorry to hear that







I've heard very good things about both of those. Hope you start feeling much better very soon.


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## PlayCrackTheSky (Dec 14, 2010)

Thanks, me too


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

I hear you; I think I've passed my 8 year anniversary for dp, and it's been getting rougher lately, emotionally; the combination of anxiety and unreality makes this kind of toxic sense that everything is going to come crashing down at any minute. I teach at a university, and, it's funny, most of the time the anxiety doesn't bug me at a deep level because it's so unreal anyway. I've only ever done it since the dp started, and so I've only ever taught students who, in my mind, aren't really there. Recently, it's maybe rising anxiety, some faint sense of reality coming back, or something else, that gets me suspecting that they might actually be there in front of me, and there's an actual "I" that's expected to teach them something. The fear is almost paralyzing, or feels like it's about to bowl me over. I'm telling myself it's a sign that I'm getting better, whether that's true or not


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## jmo (Jan 28, 2011)

I really feel for yoffu I have had this dp for a while now it affects everything I do I'm so scared that no one know what I m talking about .. this has turned me from the most funny outgoing person to havin no emotions. I'm a 25 year old male very healthy but this is so hard to fight. I wanna feel happy again and not feel like I'm going crazy and living in a dream this sucks. Pray everyone on here gets better and I'm sorry were going through this


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