# Huge relapse ..need help !



## Numb_1993 (Jul 22, 2020)

Hello everyone, sorry for my English in advance but i'm not a native speaker.
3 month ago everything was pretty much fine..even though I went through a break-up and corona but besides that life has been good.Then over the duration of like on week i noticed i was not very motivated but i didn't worry. And suddenly DP set in alongside with a little DR but in my case it's only a severe sensitivity to sunlight and i wouldn't care if DP wasn't so strong. My symptoms:
-emotional numbness like literally no feeling for anybody or anything except the feeling of despair (I get like 3 major breakdowns a day when i feel like giving up as i don't think i will survive this and i can't stop crying) 
-loss of interest in everything and everyone i used to be interested in
-loss of hunger/appetite
-rapid heartbeat .. most of the time around 110 beats per minute 
-suicidal thoughts
I'm in a mental hospital since 7 weeks now and i tried venlafaxine 225 mg, then Mirtazapine 30 mg and abilify 5 mg were added. Except for sleep and the will to eat a bit at least they did nothing for me.Right now i'm strongly despaired and suicidal so i'm not allowed to leave the clinic. As the medicine didn't work they will change it soon. They gave me the choice of choosing between Wellbutrin and a tricyclic .. Right now i don't know what to choose but i seriously need some relief.
4 years ago i already suffered from the same thing but this time it's even worse..i came out of it by taking Lexapro after 6 months of various unsuccessful medicine trials and enjoyed the last couple of years to the fullest just to relapse and find myself in the same hell (still took the Lexapro at the time i relapsed).
So i know you CAN recover..but yet it seems to be a utopia and i really feel like i will stay in this state and will end up in a home for people with psychological illnesses at an age of 27.
Maybe anybody can help with the decision between Wellbutrin and an tricyclic ? 
Thanks for reading and big respect to everybody who deals with this cruel illness. 
Best regards


----------



## 35467 (Dec 31, 2010)

All your symptoms sounds more likely to be related to major depression and not depersonalization.


----------



## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

Trial and error with medication, just try either one.


----------



## Numb_1993 (Jul 22, 2020)

Mayer-Gross said:


> All your symptoms sounds more likely to be related to major depression and not depersonalization.


 Major depression definitely plays a role in my situation but i think it's not normal for depression to feel like : I wouldn't feel anything if i killed somebody . Not responding to neither Mirtazapine, venlafaxine or 4 years ago MAO inhibitors also leads me to the conclusion its DP


----------



## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

Numb_1993 said:


> Major depression definitely plays a role in my situation but i think it's not normal for depression to feel like : I wouldn't feel anything if i killed somebody . Not responding to neither Mirtazapine, venlafaxine or 4 years ago MAO inhibitors also leads me to the conclusion its DP


Maybe consider ECT?


----------



## RunToMe (May 30, 2019)

Hey numb,

exact like be me. No hunger, no tiredness even with sleeping pills and no feelings only despair...like you...when you want you can write me a pm...all the best for you...you tried rtms ?


----------



## Numb_1993 (Jul 22, 2020)

Aridity said:


> Maybe consider ECT?


 I would give it a go but the doctors are not willing to do it yet. Also i would prefer to first try rTMS but they don't offer it here.


----------



## RunToMe (May 30, 2019)

you have no side effects from that...why the docs dont allow it ? i made it...


----------



## Numb_1993 (Jul 22, 2020)

RunToMe said:


> you have no side effects from that...why the docs dont allow it ? i made it...


 Hey i sent you a pm. Best regards


----------

