# If it is trauma related



## Lexy67 (Sep 23, 2017)

Which it most likely is... just how do you repair it?

I don't have any clear memories of my parents. It must have been very disorganized. My mother was not available and my father was super critical. But merely knowing this is not helpful.

It doesn't make me feel more real.

Now I can't work and I worrying about my funds. 
It's so hard, this disease


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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

Write a diary about your childhood and what you DO remember. Think about how that made you feel. Dont jump to the normal conclusions "mummy and daddy are good people" "they were stressed with work" etc. Try to look at things through different eyes. Not necessarily your parents. Just as much as you can remember. Mainly the bad things to begin with and see where that leads. You write down one thing and visualise it then it may bring up more.. ie "I was wearing a red jumper... oh I remember getting that for my birthday.. oh I remember there being a massive argument on my birthday" etc.. meditation may help but isn't always recommended here. Try it out. It's the cheapest therapy you can get. Then burn the paper after if your afraid someone will find it


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## Lexy67 (Sep 23, 2017)

Thank you for your reply.

Do you think that dp is different for ppl?

I suspect it is since I have had to struggle and have had different experiences with it.

I don't know why now, in my middle age, it should be more difficult. I have a hard time projecting myself into the future and I feel like I am perpetually looking at my environment to see if things are the same: hyper vigilance.

Has this been your experience? 
My face is clenched in an grimace bc I am scared. And yesterday feels like a dream.

Meanwhile ppl in my life are going on with their lives: working, taking courses and .. just feeling secure.

My apt today felt like an empty cavern. I haven't slept there for ages now.

Again, I don't know why this condition got worse and not btr.

If anyone reading this has similar experiences, I'd be curious to know.


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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

Yeh blank mind to non blank mind. Different issues with functionality. My main one being socialising and following a conversation which has worsened over the years.

Mine has slowly progressively got worse because I wasn't facing the core issues which is childhood trauma.. the problem is people get temporary dp and then come on here and say "I wiped my arse with my left hand and was cured. Why don't you all do that?!". The disorder in its true sense most probably won't be a vitamin deficiency or poor diet. These things can help but to really regain functionality and start to recover the core issues, in my opinion, are psychological and avoiding emotions.

And trauma frozen within us. My trauma has always been the truth, but I was sold a lie that over the years I convinced myself was true. From that place of fantasy you disconnect from reality... again not all had trauma but I would guess for the disorder it's quite common. Finding that trauma can take years of therapy. Becoming really honest is difficult, especially when it is being negative about your own family as we are conditioned not to do that. But bad people and psychopaths are everywhere - 1 in 20 people is a psycho so statistically there will be a family member or family friend thay was one. It only takes one minute to be traumatised for the rest of your life and that memory can be buried.

I have been remembering more though since I opened my mind to the possibility that bad things happened and writing/talking about those i can remember.. it's almost as if you flex that muscle and then more things seem to pop up and connect.. this takes time though


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## bigpwn (Dec 14, 2017)

Before I had the first panic attack that caused my DPDR, I used to sometimes think about me in this dark room when I was 5, it was just the living room and I can't remember anything happening it just felt so hopeless and scary to imagine that dark room (still does). Is it just a false memory? How the fuck do I know what happened.

I've been having a great couple of days but just now that I started thinking about that dark room again I'm having bad anxiety in the pit of my stomach


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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

Can't be sure if it is real or imagined.. the point is your subconscious is giving you a message so try and listen to it. If it is a memory or a fantasy isn't overly relevant so don't fixate on that. Just see if you can think how you felt, why you were scared, what you remember happening before and after. Don't obsess over it, if you can't remember then you can't. Maybe writing down or drawing pictures about it might help or talking to someone or even yourself.. try to connect with the FEELING of it though and what that meant


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## James2368 (Oct 19, 2017)

Broken said:


> Yeh blank mind to non blank mind. Different issues with functionality. My main one being socialising and following a conversation which has worsened over the years.
> Mine has slowly progressively got worse because I wasn't facing the core issues which is childhood trauma.. the problem is people get temporary dp and then come on here and say "I wiped my arse with my left hand and was cured. Why don't you all do that?!". The disorder in its true sense most probably won't be a vitamin deficiency or poor diet. These things can help but to really regain functionality and start to recover the core issues, in my opinion, are psychological and avoiding emotions.
> And trauma frozen within us. My trauma has always been the truth, but I was sold a lie that over the years I convinced myself was true. From that place of fantasy you disconnect from reality... again not all had trauma but I would guess for the disorder it's quite common. Finding that trauma can take years of therapy. Becoming really honest is difficult, especially when it is being negative about your own family as we are conditioned not to do that. But bad people and psychopaths are everywhere - 1 in 20 people is a psycho so statistically there will be a family member or family friend thay was one. It only takes one minute to be traumatised for the rest of your life and that memory can be buried.
> I have been remembering more though since I opened my mind to the possibility that bad things happened and writing/talking about those i can remember.. it's almost as if you flex that muscle and then more things seem to pop up and connect.. this takes time though


Really good post, can absolute relate to the socializing. This is one of my biggest things as well...


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