# My life as a camera



## Revelation_old (Aug 9, 2004)

*My life as a camera*
Documentarian chronicles 20 years of his dysfunctional family life, but says it?s worthwhile if ?Tarnation? touches people.
By JOHNNY HOOKS
Nov. 05, 2004

Former Houston RESIDENT Jonathan Caouette?s documentary, ?Tarnation,? is a love story ? between the filmmaker and his mother, between him and his partner, David, and between a teenager and his grownup self.

The gritty film, which opens at the E Street Cinema in D.C., on Nov. 12, tells the story of the gay director?s family, in particular the tragic life of his mother, Renee LeBlanc. Through a series of narratives and old snapshots, viewers watch the smart, attractive Renee turn to modeling before accidentally falling from the roof of her home and landing on her feet without bending her knees.

Her subsequent paralysis was incorrectly assumed to be psychosomatic by her parents. They have Renee undergo electroshock therapy for several years, which ultimately creates a real mental disorder.

Later, newly married and pregnant with Caouette, Renee and her husband temporarily escape the madness of her youth. But after her husband abandons them, the mother and son?s lives spiral out of control in a series of ugly circumstances.

Ultimately, Renee gives custody of Jonathan to her parents while she endures more shock therapy and hospitalization.

Along the way, former Houston Post film critic Jeff Millar befriends young Jonathan and gives him the video camera that proves to be his savior.

Camera in hand, a very young Caouette begins documenting his family and their lives, warts and all.

He performs soliloquies as a ravaged woman, creates music videos, directs family and friends in short films and even a musical version of David Lynch?s landmark film ?Blue Velvet? ? all with his camera running.

After unknowingly smoking two joints laced with PCP and formaldehyde, Caouette ends up hospitalized in the same institution where his mother is a frequent resident. He is diagnosed with a depersonalization disorder, a condition that he says served him well as an actor and, ultimately, as the director of ?Tarnation.?

?I was able to step back and objectify everything,? Caouette says. ?I have always disassociated myself from my nuclear family, whether I was half-listening, or tuning them out, or most importantly, by videotaping.?

The camera allowed him a certain degree of freedom to report the truth.

The film follows Caouette from his troubled days growing up in Houston to his move in his 20s to New York City, where he meets his partner. Together, the couple builds a life free from the tragedies of his youth, until Renee overdoses on lithium.

The near fatal overdose claims what little is left of his mother?s mind, and Caouette returns to the Lone Star State to take Renee back to New York with him. Arriving at his old house, he finds his grandparents living in squalor and confronts the grandfather about the decisions that led the family to this point.

?Tarnation? is a documentary unlike any other. Every painful, funny and tragic moment over 20 years is captured and displayed for the world to see.

It?s really the ultimate reality program, providing a true ?fly on the wall? perspective, a living photo album that speaks directly to viewers.

Produced by gay film veterans Gus Van Sant and John Cameron Mitchell, ?Tarnation? depicts a tough life that Caouette does not regret too much.

?If this movie can allow people to have more empathy for the mentally ill ? it was worth it in the end,? he says.

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News Source: http://www.washblade.com/2004/11-5/arts/film/life.cfm

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