# PLEASE HELP ME!



## belmisen (Sep 20, 2010)

Hi everybody!

I have had anxiety for about 1,5 years. I am now 21 years old. The intensity of my anxiety is different from period to period. But it is always there. The symptom that started off my anxiety is feelings of unreality, derealization. I just felt everything felt unreal and I started to think and dwell over existential things. Who created the worls? Why do we look like this? etc etc.. At this time I took some psychology lessons in school and we had to visit a place where people with psychosis live. After that I got so scared that I will get psychosis and I thought about it night and day. I googled the symptoms and I read about the symptom "not feeling like yourself" and BAM! I diagnosed myself with psychosis/schizophrenia. I cried day in and day out. I was scared of being alone, scared of sleeping. All I wanted was for people to be with me and "control" me in case I started to hallucinate. But that never happened.

I went through online-based CBT-treatment, 20 meetings with a psychologist, tried meds (hated them, donnt ever want them again), Lucindas book etc etc. I would be a liar if I said it is not better at all. It is. Now I have no problems with taking the train or bus to school and I do not cry all the time. I have not had a full-blown panic attack since February. But I still feel miserable. Because of the depersonalization.

I honestly feel like I do not even exist anymore. I am amazed that I even can type this letter. I hate seeing myself in the mirror because it is frightening. I know it is me, but it doesent feel like it. I am so afraid of being alone. My mum or sister have to sit up until I fall asleep because I am scared of being the only one awake. I am so scared of myself. I feel like I am never going to get rid of this feeling. I know that I should just "float" through it and "ignore" it but it is impossible! I have this feeling constantly. I feel like my brain and my body are seperate. My voice feels strange, my movements seem strange.. everything is strange! I am scared that I will have this forever. Sometimes I get theese really anxious thoughts that I am "stuck" in myself and in this feeling or that I am somebody else and that this body is somebody elses. It feels so weird and sick that I just want to scream out loud.

I just can not imagine my whole life being this way. I do not want to be on drugs or be hospitalized. Everybody thinks I am so normal but I feel so strange. I can not stop thinking about this! I am always thinking about how I feel, and "checking in" if I feel real or not. And the answer is always - not.

I have tried it all. I hate this so much. All I want is just to be able to sit in my own room and be "relaxed". I want to sleep normally and not wake up 15 times a night and run to my mother because I am scard of myself.

Can anybody relate to my feelings? Please, can somebody write to me. I need to talk to somebody who knows and understands. Somebody that really gets me.

Thank you for your time,

Bella

(I live in Sweden so I apologize if I am mispelling a lot or having problems with grammar)


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## AlexE (Sep 20, 2010)

Bella ,i just posted something like this earlier, mine was about mind destroying reality. Its amazing how stong the symptons and the dp can go, just have to keep pushing and im sure there will be some more light in this darkness. I dont know if there is some reason this happens to us but from what most say we arent going to go crazy or fade away. It will just feel like that most of the time, lol. Not sure if thats a relief or not.LOL Sometimes i welcome the crazy or the wake up from my dream of reality . Hopefully one day things with go back into more focus for us.


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## nomatterwhat000 (Sep 23, 2010)

Hey bella,

i just saw ur join date, and see that ur also a new member here, just like myself.
i've just been dealing with these weird symptoms for a 2 weeks at the most, and it's already scary. i am a hypochondriac and a VERY anxious person. it all started one day, when i questioned myself about the way i saw thing, whether this was my body or not, and things started to seem strange from my point of view, like nothing is real. but i snapped out of it. throughout the day though, i kept thinking about these philosophical questions again, and being the anxious person that i am, i obsessed over it, and i think it is this anxiety that is feeding my DP/DR. i was able to get rid of it very quickly in the beginning, but i am a hypochondriac as well, so as soon as i got home, i went online and consulted Dr. Google. i searched "not being in touch with reality" and the first search that came up was Schizophrenia/Psychosis! it scared the shit out of me. and i started to wonder whether i had schizophrenia, and reading the symptoms online made my mind want to create these symptoms. i then came upon DP/DR, and found this forum. i've just been reading a lot of the other's stories, and i can relate to it. today has been the worst day so far, because i feel myself not being HERE at all. i feel like my hands are moving by myself and that i have no control over my words. i became too aware with my surroundings that it starts to become "unfamiliar". i look in the mirror and recognize my face, but it just doesnt feel like me, it feels like im living in a stranger's body but i KNOW that its me. i have fears of forgetting myself, forgetting my house, and all those things, and the philosophical questions like "what if..." or "am i really here?" or "what if this is just a dream"
seeing people here with the same fears gave me comfort that im not alone, though im not happy about the fact that so many people are experiencing this discomfort.
i hope to snap out of this, and i have been trying to get myself to read the POSITIVE posts on RECOVERY, instead of dwelling on things. i try to distract myself, but it's sometimes sooo hard as i don't feel real. i'm trying hard to not google the symptoms of schizophrenia because i'm scared i will actually get it, from thinking about it too much. :s

hope this makes you feel better. and feel free to message me if you want to talk. i would love to talk to someone who knows what im going through.

oh, and im 17 by the way.









Lyn


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## joshua06 (May 16, 2011)

Bella....and all of the people who is experiencing dp...anxiety....panic attacks...guys im telling u ryt nw!!! there is quick way to overcome it!!!...........Guys im just 15 yrs old.....i had experienced dp panic attacks anxiety....for almost 3 years!!...and u knw guys how hard that is....not knowing who you are when u look at the mirror....telling urself who is that person in the mirror? who am i? where am i? what if?.....guyss im almost fully healed just a lil bit and i'll be okay







...guysssss u kwn what's the secret?....Only one thing.... Pray to God...Surrender urself to him....guys i kwn a lot of you doesnt blieve in him....but plss..justt try....accept him as your lord and savior,.,,ur king...Jesus Christ....sacrificed himself to the cross just for us...and he will cure us 2...if u just pray everyday......get on ur knees and pray worship him....guys u knw just nw..........last week i thnk...i waked up...opened my eyes....and i was cured!!1 i knew who i was!!! yeah i experience a little anxiety and panic attacks smtimes but nt all the time!! guys after this summer i will overcome this sickness...its not really a sickness...its just all in our mind!! tell ur self!!! look at the miror i am that person!! i cast all my fears to God!! And i knw i will be healed!! guyss lets just pray for one another all who is experiencing dp..anxiety....guysss lets all pray and God will hear our prayers and heal us all!!.....guys just try and u will get results i promise that to u







) i k nw am confident with myself.... no longer dp!!! and conquering anxiety and panic attack!!! guys who will be healed in no time just always pray everyday







)God bless all of us!!!


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