# I feel like I can't take this much longer.



## T01 (Oct 27, 2011)

Ever since about 2 years ago, I've had DP. Started after I smoked weed for maybe my fifth time, and has been with me constantly ever since.

When it first happened, it was the worst week of my life. I stayed home almost all week from school because I felt so bad. When I eventually went back, it was almost worse. I saw a couple doctors and, who would have guessed, they had no idea what the fuck was going on. In the next 5 months or so, just trying to live my normal life managed to bring the DP down to a hardly noticeable level. I also found out what it was, didn't think too much of it, and accepted that I may be like this for a very long time.

Fast forward to summer 2011, I'm at my grandmas house trying to have a good vacation, and out of nowhere, I relapse. Hard. The first day. I'm just there with my family and they're having a good time and I have no fucking way to enjoy myself because I've been blessed with such a great gift. I go to a couple of doctors, even a neurologist for fucks sake, and again they have no idea at all what is happening. I do of course and I'm too nervous to say for whatever reason. Life continues as school starts and I'm finally getting back into the groove of things again. Still not as "regular" as before summer but that's to be expected, it hasn't been long. But my shitty life has more in store for me as...

I relapse again, just last week! Whoop de fucking doo! I feel even worse than in summer and I'm even more depressed than day zero. Suffering silently at school. I don't know if I'll even be able to go out and have a good time on Halloween, which will be the first time. Ever. I have an appointment with my neurologist on Nov. 10 and I plan to tell her about DP because she probably still won't know. (And my Mom)

tl;dr version: I can't recover because for whatever reason, whenever I make progress, I'm sent by my fucked up brain back to square one. Life. Sucks.


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

T01 said:


> Ever since about 2 years ago, I've had DP. Started after I smoked weed for maybe my fifth time, and has been with me constantly ever since.
> 
> When it first happened, it was the worst week of my life. I stayed home almost all week from school because I felt so bad. When I eventually went back, it was almost worse. I saw a couple doctors and, who would have guessed, they had no idea what the fuck was going on. In the next 5 months or so, just trying to live my normal life managed to bring the DP down to a hardly noticeable level. I also found out what it was, didn't think too much of it, and accepted that I may be like this for a very long time.
> 
> ...


ya, yer fucked for now. Thus begins the waiting game. Good luck.


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## toshibatelly (Sep 13, 2011)

You may feel that way, but believe me you can carry on, you will enjoy life again and DP/DR will not rule you from here on out; nobody on this forum has not had a single enjoyable moment since the onset of their DP/DR.







To quote Tony Soprano, "Remember the little things, that were good". On the bright side, there is nothing physically wrong with you, you are not insane and the DP/DR will eventually go away.


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## T01 (Oct 27, 2011)

Okay, it happened again. One and a half weeks and another damn relapse. Last night, though I didn't actually do anything for Halloween, I felt as though I could, and today... Well, it's back to square one to play the waiting game. Again...


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

when you go to the dr, bring some articles on dp and dissociation, you can get some at sidran.org . be prepared. my nrup threw a half educated guess at me, and i think this medication namenda may be helping. they might want ot make sure you dont have seizures, i hate eeg's, but if you bring in an article saying pot can cause this, they may have somewhere to start, you might have to wait and come back so they have time to look through the literature, but it'd be worth it. there's a new book out for dp, overcoming dp through mindfulness, or something similar, amazon search depers. and mindfulness and it'll come up. mindfulness and skills take time, but they *will* help if you give it time and energy


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