# Losing all hope



## Guest (Jun 1, 2016)

Recently I've started feeling rather hopeless. My main symptom is the existential thoughts, but something in me doesn't even want to call them that anymore. I don't get freaked out about solipsism or things being unreal like other people seem to when they say existential thoughts. Mine is more like 'what is consciousness', 'what are thoughts and how do I 'make' them?', 'how can this all be a result of chemical reactions in the brain' etc etc. I feel like emotions don't exist, but are merely just a chemical illusion. The same for any kind of emotions. Life seems so dull and shitty. I can't figure out how other people just exist in it. I wish I could go back to that but I just feel like the only one who's going through what I'm going through. I know that sounds selfish and silly but I can't seem to find anyone who can relate 100% and I'm tired of trying to reassure myself. I don't even see the point in making this post. I don't see the point in anything. I wake up and want for the day to be over immediately. I can't enjoy anything because to 'enjoy' something seems like such a bizarre and pointless thing to do. I'm plagued by constant obsessive thinking. I can't read properly, because the info doesn't enter my head (fuck knows how I'm going to get through university - I go in three months and this is only getting worse and worse). I can hardly write coherently as you can see if you're still reading this. I just cry every night because I feel so low and hopeless and trapped in my mind. I have thoughts about thoughts which seem scary and bizarre. And then I have thoughts about thoughts about thoughts and the loop goes on forever. How can any of this work? I just feel like an object. I feel for some reason quite guilty too because I'm lucky enough to have a life and the odds of occupying a life (if that makes sense) or being born into consciousness (that makes even less sense) are so slim and here I am not experiencing it to the fullest. But at the same time, I don't feel like I know how to do that anymore. This existential thinking about how the mind even works and what life even is has totally consumed me and I'm depressed and anxious and confused as ever.

I've tried 'accepting' but I have literally no idea how to do that, because of the nature of my thinking (I.E I just question what it means to 'accept') but also because I feel like I've tried it and it's not working. I've tried distracting myself but I can't seem to do it for very long. And even if I do it's only a temporary solution and I end up getting sucked into the panic and depression again. I don't want to feel this way at all and I don't want to be consumed by this anymore but at the same time, I can't imagine not being consumed by this in every way possible. I can't imagine 'unthinking' these thoughts, but I can't imagine being okay with them, once again because of the very nature of them, they're thoughts about thoughts. I don't want to try medication because that's what started my DP in the first place (I used to smoke weed too although it never really affected me like this and I never smoked while taking the medication which I took for three days and stopped bc of side effect or even for weeks beforehand) and my therapy isn't working.

I've ran out of things to do. I don't even want to live anymore.


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## Mr confused (Apr 8, 2016)

no bro actually i'll answer
the consiousnes is the ability of you(soul) to experience the world with your body if something happened to your body you'll lose consiousnes or die depending on the injury or the impact.
the emotions are the ability to express what things mean to you and you can only do that if you are connected to your body
the thoughts you get over and over again are because your mind have the ability to give ideas about the environment you are in
for example if you are in a funeral you'll get some ideas about death sadness you can ignor them or focus on them
in dp your mind is detached from you so its start to think about soul and body and the unkown and the universe which are things u obiviously you don't care about
what i want to say is as soon as u recover you'll get normal thoughts and you'll get emotions to express what do you think about anything and you'll get your body to whatever you want
if you want to ask anything private message me


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## brill (Apr 17, 2016)

I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say hang on and don't give up. Many people have recovered.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

I can totally relate to this. This was me at my worst. The problem is you don't have any momemntum in your life, so you get more stuck in these thoughts. And the more stuck you are in these thoughts, the less momemtum you have to let them go. To the guy above trying to answer, there is no answer for you to get satisfied. No matter how many angles you try, how many methids of thinking, no matter who you try to talk to who could come up with a new method and mindset. This is basically pure-O obsession. One spend 8hours or more everyday, ruminating and trying to solve this puzzle. If you could just come up with this 1 perfect solution, it would make everythng go away! That's what the trap is. You are looking for this 1 small loophole, that would make the whole problem just go away.

I have read alot about the pure-Obsession, and the cure is basically this: Your OCD tendancies wants you to sit down and solve this poblem. Not only do you have to NOT try to solve it, but you should take it 1 step further. Do the opposite. Like learn to laugh at it, and say to yourself: that is silly, i'm not gonna go do that. That is a waste of time. Yes, it's hard in the beginning, but it only gets easier with time. I struggle with the same right now, but it's alot less severe than it used to be. Oh, and you will get better. It's like if you eat only apples all day long, and you don't even like it. On top of that, thinking existensal thoughts while being in severe DP, is much like constantly eating apples while you are allergic to them. The cure: stop doing it, and do something else. Yes, it takes a little while, but eventually it does get better. You need to build momemtum by just doing things and distract yourself anyway positively, so you're not stuck in all the thoughts. Right now, just hearing a car drive by triggers you, changing the channel on the tv triggers you. You can absolutely get better.

Maybe everyone won't react the same, but this video really helped me alot. I also encourage you to read up abit on the pure-O OCD. It relates well and the cure is what you need to implement.


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## revuptheglory (Feb 14, 2016)

its dreadful isn't it. Absolutely dreadful. I won't sugar coat it and try to make this a lighter situation because this is one of the worst things I personally can imagine happening to anyone. Its torture in everyway, to make it worst your forced to take responsibility for it. But listen to me, any question trying to figure out the meaning of life is meaningless in itself. there is no answer to your questions. And No one in this world will be able to answer your questions with an absolute conviction. Fortunately, the more we learn about the natural processes that govern our universe will we be closer to answering such questions. Unfortunately, that's not gonna be anytime soon..

However now your here, and as such you already opened yourself to this sort of thinking. Now you will see that everything will stem off these questions and simply put, That's because all our knowledge starts and ends there. You hit metaphorical bed rock.

for a few months, I was like you. Right now I'm still kind of like you but as time went on, things got better.. I'm gonna suggest some really simple and specific things really quick that helped me and is still helping me.... My intention is that it might provide you some direction?? I know how lost and confusing this all can be.

****Read some Taoist quotes, theres some good stuff in there, this is what had me shift gears in the first place.

****journal. Express yourself please... Not only will you feel better but you won't have to worry about ranting to someone. Just let everything lose.. And be honest with yourself don't force yourself to think positive or some shit like that. All you need to do is journal what you feel and don't worry about how it comes out. You know your doing it right if you aren't stopping for grammar and the words are flowing out just as they would as you having a conversation. Talk about whatever is on your mind in the moment. One day you will thank yourself for this too.. Not only that but as time goes on you'll be able to see Any progress.

*****get very well acquainted with yourself. By yourself I mean your personality. Reading up on Mbti theory/the cognitive functions and enneagram was the biggest thing before journaling.. It has a way of making you feel less crazy knowing that perhaps this is just a.. For a lack of a better word, quirk.

*****if you don't enjoy the things you use too don't try and force yourself. Your not gonna fool yourself into thinking it's enjoyable. I suggest dropping all modern positivity philosophy in this state.. (unless of course you actually find comfort in it and your not using it to mask your problems.) but yeah, stop what the fuck you "should" be doing and let yourself indulge in whatever feels good. Even if that something is making yourself miserable cause in the end you can't win against your body.. Anyways your body isn't against you what so ever, it's literally trying to help you however fucked up that is. It is what it is man and it's useless to try and wish this away. Shit suck and you need to help your body help you.

*****don't consciously engage your thoughts. If you catch yourself by accident don't shame yourself for it either. It's literally impossible to ignore them.. But as time goes on they will change accordingly. And like I said, it will be very helpful to journal them so you can better see what's going on in your head. Just know though, if you fight it, it will control you. That my dear is acceptance..

****If your up for it, try reconnecting with memories. Like try looking at something in your room and try to remember e.g how it got there, If there was any connection to it, who it use to belong to, whatever the case may be. If this scares you in any way don't do it.

Anyways.. Yeah I don't know if any of that will help, I wouldn't be surprised if you tried stuff like already. but In the end you know yourself better than anyone. Just Trust yourself and your intuituon, your, your own best mentor. Dont hate your feelings, they are a wonderful guide of your internal world. I mean in a general sense negative feelings are just reminders saying.. hey something isn't right.. there's something missing. (probably clarity in your case) I mean take the whole glass half empty/full thing. Thats literally your brain just noticing the absence of whatever it wants and unfortunately now its throwing you out of proportion.

. Btw, once the dp starts to fade away, your thoughts will start to reflect a truer reality. Actually most of your thoughts to some extent are just a symptom of your experience.. It took me a long time to actually believe that but yeah now i do. But For now you need to work through all this though and find some ways to fully and truly relax. And before I end this, know that this perspective you have is true in one sense but there are so so many more. You're only seeing one side of life and if there's anything to live for its to see the million other sides.. You have to be here for that though.. and one day you may be thankful for it

Good luck man, you're not alone.


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

Existential thoughts are not the worst that mental illness has to offer. You want to off yourself because you don't understand the meaning of life? Give me a break. Try going sleepless for 5 or 6 weeks and then tell me what's on your mind. Lose 30 lbs because you can't eat due to anxiety, then tell me it bothers you that you can't grasp the infinite universe. lol. What you might be missing is actual pain that could help you sort out what is important in life.


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## Guest (Jun 2, 2016)

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

And the funny thing is forestx5, I did lose around 30lb or more due to anxiety around this time last year. In fact for 3 or so weeks I was so anxious the only way I could relieve myself was by shoving my fingers down my throat and making myself sick. It's pretty nasty I know but for some reason it was the only thing I found to give me at least some relief. I don't think you really understand what I'm feeling at the moment which is fine, how could you? You're not me. I'm sorry you've suffered before, but your post doesn't really help.


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

XD ...i was in that state of mind this week...and i asked my psychiatrist/psychologist if there is euthanasia for people with dp/dr to finally get relief...the answer was ''no''....unfortunately not..and that makes me depressed sometimes bro...XD

i mean ive went through the worst of dp/dr and i mostly just feel stoned all day and/or have migraines and/or obsesssion and/or depresssion...my life is still destroyed..so i think in my case dying is the best solution..if id just dare to kill myself..that would be nice..XD

you shouldnt do that you will manage to beat dp/dr...at least to a certain extend if not fully....lifes too short there is no time to be sad and anxious...


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## Blueyellowred23 (Apr 1, 2016)

I don't know how much this helps, but I've found the key to excepting dp is to just let it be there. Except that having dp is going to make you feel weird all the time. It sucks, but the main thing to understand is that it's not harmful and it can't hurt you. It's super annyoing and extremely hard to deal with, but it's possible.

What I've been doing is just keeping myself busy. I have super weird thoughts all the time. Like yesterday, I was pumping gas and had a mint in my mouth and my mind decided to tell me that doing that is dangerous and that it's gonna cause me to pass out and start seeing things. How dumb is that. Of course I went with the thought and it set my dp into overdrive. It's all just anxiety about nothing. When you have the scary thoughts just let them be there. Just say ok and move on. That's what I do every day and it does help.

I've been dealing with this for awhile now, but things are getting better. I'm over the "is this real life" "am I really here"? Now I just feel very disconnected and like I'm still living in a dream but I know it's not true. I'm still struggling, but I'm getting there and you will too. Don't give up. It takes time. That's the worst part is that coming out of dp taking a long time but it's possible. I'm recovering and things are getting better. I still have bad days, but I just keep going. Just keep pushing.


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

yes..dp/dr is something you can live with...but is a life filled with constant dp/dr worth lving?!...no

and dp/dr is something that wont hurt you in the first place but dp/dr is a permanent condition..just like all permanent conditions it can and will hurt you because no condition is good if you have it permanently...its like saying always eating the same things is good for you just because it makes you full...no one is in a position to say it can not hurt you just because you dont realize it...

sorry for disturbing you, but if your life is full of anxiety, its a life full of stress...constant stress + worry results in a much more terrifying and shorter life...


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