# Why is my memory so bad?



## Opus131 (Mar 23, 2010)

I don't understand. I know that this conditions creates problems with memories, but this is ridicolous. I simply cannot remember anything, i mean, nothing at all. I listen to a song, and five seconds later its gone from my head. I cannot recall a single note or melody. I listen to it again right afterward, and i still can't remember it. For some reason its a bit better with movies, but these are going away too. Before it was a problem that my memories felt so faint, almost nonexistent. Now they are becoming nonexistent for real. Could it be i may be suffering from some other condition besides DP? I've countless blood tests, ultra sounds to the main organs, and even functional MRI to my brain. Everything checks out normal, but i just cannot shed the fear i may be suffering from some neurological disease that is slowly eroding my brain away. My brain fog is so bad right now that it feels like i just cannot understand anything. A couple of weeks ago for instance i was waiting for a green light on a left turning lane, when i saw a column of cars preceded by policemen with their lights on. I didn't understand what was happening, so when the light turned green i just made my turn, and found myself stuck behind a police car. After driving for one minute, the policemen stops me and starts screaming at me if i was out of mind. Apparently i had been following a funeral! I kept telling him that i didn't realize and after five minutes of chewing me out he just let me go, not sure why, probably because i saw the amount of distress i was in. Only after he left i finally got it. A funeral! Even when he said the word i just couldn't associate the right feeling or memory attached to what a funeral is. And then, after a few minutes, the whole event felt like it never happened. I just don't know what to do. It feels like i'm dying, literally. There is no metaphor at work here, no hyperbole. My mind IS disappearing away every day, and the entire world its fading away with it. My memory is so bad right now that i will probably forgot i posted this, and might not even reply, unless by chance i stumble back in this forum and see it. I just cannot live like this anymore. It has to stop, it just has to. If this is really DP, i must be suffering from the worst known case possible. And if it isn't, i must be suffering from the most elusive neurological condition out there, since the doctors keep saying that everything is fine. I just don't know what to do anymore.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Opus131 said:


> I don't understand. I know that this conditions creates problems with memories, but this is ridicolous. I simply cannot remember anything, i mean, nothing at all. I listen to a song, and five seconds later its gone from my head. I cannot recall a single note or melody. I listen to it again right afterward, and i still can't remember it. For some reason its a bit better with movies, but these are going away too. Before it was a problem that my memories felt so faint, almost nonexistent. Now they are becoming nonexistent for real. Could it be i may be suffering from some other condition besides DP? I've countless blood tests, ultra sounds to the main organs, and even functional MRI to my brain. Everything checks out normal, but i just cannot shed the fear i may be suffering from some neurological disease that is slowly eroding my brain away. My brain fog is so bad right now that it feels like i just cannot understand anything. A couple of weeks ago for instance i was waiting for a green light on a left turning lane, when i saw a column of cars preceded by policemen with their lights on. I didn't understand what was happening, so when the light turned green i just made my turn, and found myself stuck behind a police car. After driving for one minute, the policemen stops me and starts screaming at me if i was out of mind. Apparently i had been following a funeral! I kept telling him that i didn't realize and after five minutes of chewing me out he just let me go, not sure why, probably because i saw the amount of distress i was in. Only after he left i finally got it. A funeral! Even when he said the word i just couldn't associate the right feeling or memory attached to what a funeral is. And then, after a few minutes, the whole event felt like it never happened. I just don't know what to do. It feels like i'm dying, literally. There is no metaphor at work here, no hyperbole. My mind IS disappearing away every day, and the entire world its fading away with it. My memory is so bad right now that i will probably forgot i posted this, and might not even reply, unless by chance i stumble back in this forum and see it. I just cannot live like this anymore. It has to stop, it just has to. If this is really DP, i must be suffering from the worst known case possible. And if it isn't, i must be suffering from the most elusive neurological condition out there, since the doctors keep saying that everything is fine. I just don't know what to do anymore.


My memory is horrible aswell, but I do believe that's only DP causing it


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## Opus131 (Mar 23, 2010)

PositiveThinking! said:


> My memory is horrible aswell, but I do believe that's only DP causing it


But is it as bad as i described it? I had bad memory too before DP even started. This is completely different. I feel i have near total anterograde amnesia. Every new experience, every new event, simply disappears from my mind almost completely. I don't know why but the worst is music. I noticed this right away because music is my favored hobby. Now, everytime i listen to a new composition, it feels like i'm not listening at all. I can hear the notes, but they are not in my head. So that as the music move along in time i forget just as soon as listen to it (or rather, there is no memorization process whatsoever), so that i cannot even follow the progression of the music, since i'm simply not consciously aware of it. Its a bit better with older songs, but in that case i'm just supplanting my memory from when i learned the music before DP, so that the experience of listening to the music in question, or simply bringing up the music in memory without listening to it are nearly identical. With movies its a bit better because all though i may forget everything i just watched as soon as i finished watching, i can still remember what i watched if i get some help. For example, i've been watching a lot of Star Trek lately. So lets say i watch three episodes in a row (i have the show store in my computer). As soon as i get off the computer, i have already forgotten what i watched. But if i see even one scene i can remember the whole episode, all though this ability is going away too, since my memory loss is progressive. And this goes for everything else. From the moment i wake up to the moment i go to bed i'm just living in the near present. Its the single most distressing, scariest thing i ever experienced. Even the feeling of DP pales in comparison. With DP, it feels like reality is fading away. Now i feel like i'm dead, plain and simple. Nothing i do matters anymore.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Opus131 said:


> But is it as bad as i described it? I had bad memory too before DP even started. This is completely different. I feel i have near total anterograde amnesia. Every new experience, every new event, simply disappears from my mind almost completely. I don't know why but the worst is music. I noticed this right away because music is my favored hobby. Now, everytime i listen to a new composition, it feels like i'm not listening at all. I can hear the notes, but they are not in my head. So that as the music move along in time i forget just as soon as listen to it (or rather, there is no memorization process whatsoever), so that i cannot even follow the progression of the music, since i'm simply not consciously aware of it. Its a bit better with older songs, but in that case i'm just supplanting my memory from when i learned the music before DP, so that the experience of listening to the music in question, or simply bringing up the music in memory without listening to it are nearly identical. With movies its a bit better because all though i may forget everything i just watched as soon as i finished watching, i can still remember what i watched if i get some help. For example, i've been watching a lot of Star Trek lately. So lets say i watch three episodes in a row (i have the show store in my computer). As soon as i get off the computer, i have already forgotten what i watched. But if i see even one scene i can remember the whole episode, all though this ability is going away too, since my memory loss is progressive. And this goes for everything else. From the moment i wake up to the moment i go to bed i'm just living in the near present. Its the single most distressing, scariest thing i ever experienced. Even the feeling of DP pales in comparison. With DP, it feels like reality is fading away. Now i feel like i'm dead, plain and simple. Nothing i do matters anymore.


Well, for some reason I don't forget music, I actually get music stuck in my head sometimes and it freaks me out :S

But yeah I've been having some serious memory loss lately, but I kinda blame it on my heavy medication


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Opus131 said:


> Only after he left i finally got it. A funeral! Even when he said the word i just couldn't associate the right feeling or memory attached to what a funeral is.


I get like this a lot when I'm reading. Like I don't understand words when I first read them, or I can't like you said, associate the right feeling or memory attached to it. Just blank.

Anyways, what you are describing sounds serious, and if you are suffering this much and it is affecting your life to such a large degree, then I would suggest seeking out a good neurologist. Luckily, there ARE meds out there that can help out with your memory, one called Namenda, for instance. DP can for sure be contributing to it, but if it is that bad, you should seek out medical care. I remember you posting a thread months ago regarding this issue.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Opus131 said:


> Only after he left i finally got it. A funeral! Even when he said the word i just couldn't associate the right feeling or memory attached to what a funeral is.


I get like this a lot when I'm reading. Like I don't understand words when I first read them, or I can't like you said, associate the right feeling or memory attached to it. Just blank.

Anyways, what you are describing sounds serious, and if you are suffering this much and it is affecting your life to such a large degree, then I would suggest seeking out a good neurologist. Luckily, there ARE meds out there that can help out with your memory, one called Namenda, for instance. DP can for sure be contributing to it, but if it is that bad, you should seek out medical care. I remember you posting a thread months ago regarding this issue.


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## Hoopesy (Dec 8, 2009)

I've had DP for almost a year now and I'm just starting to notice this. After going out with friends and coming home it feels like it all happened a week ago. I usually am a pretty forgetful person but I will find myself completely forgetting plans and tasks that need to be done. I have to make extra effort to remember to do things sometimes.


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