# Continued recovery post / its bad to visit these forums



## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Hi guys 
Sorry if my recovery post came across rude it wasnt my intention to upset anyone .

I did write in my post that not everyone will get over depersonalization or derealization by not visiting these type of forums.

But if you are the type that has ocd like i do then i believe that coming on here or other dp forums will make this worse .
It feeds the ocd loop its like any other sub type of ocd or health anxiety, if you do the compulsion it feeds the obsession.

I've had ocd , health anxiety and genalized anxiety plus depression since childhood, im 35 now , i will battle these illnesses till i die . I have accepted this fact .

Ive had transit symptoms of depersonalization and derealization since early teens most likely due to complex trauma i lived through during childhood into my mid twenties.

Dissociation became chronic after suffering from a terrible bad relapse of my ocd in 2015 the severity of my ocd caused the depersonalization and derealization and it never switched of even after that episode of ocd was long over .

All i did was research depersonalization and derealization , i kept looking for answers to why its not going away and when it may go away and it made me so super scared when i read posts that people had itfor years and years .

So i kept on researching and obsessing about my horrible symptoms and asking and asking weather anyone else experienced the same feelings . This is ocd this was my ocd , but i didnt see it or didnt wanna see it .

After my loss in march last year i stopped coming on here , i forgot about this place , the feelings disappeared it wasnt chronic anymore . Even though ive gotten panic attacks still and had flairs of my health anxiety its not come back chronic , i have had episodes of derealization but it goes away in that day .

Ive lost someone so special to me that my hearts not the same anymore , i had a breast cancer scare and developed chronic migraines plus gerd and stomach gastritis since the loss of my loved one . All this has happened and going through all of these harsh life experiences , woke me up to what can be harder and to ME it was all harder then having depersonalization and derealization. I dont say that to down play anyones suffering its i how feel not how i feel yous all should feel .

So i felt i had to clear up some things from that recovery post 
And if your have ocd like me then doing what i did for years , coming on here and searching and searching it will not go away it cant cause you are feeding it your feeding your ocd .

If you have existence questioning from depersonalization thats is a form of ocd so feeding the obsessing about these thoughts by searching will make it stay .

I get you cant stop thinking about how you feel, i absolutely hated reading people say that cause its impossible to stop thinking about this . But by not feefing the obsessing you will stop thinking about it ' eventually ' just like other types of ocd . Its ok to think about the obsession but dont do the compulsion...

Good luck to everyone on here i hope it goes away asap .
Listen to the recovery posts these people are better 
Depersonalization and derealization cant hurt you it cant send you crazy or lead to anything worse like schizophrenia ect

I never ever ever ever ever thought it would go away but i have my sense of self again when i couldn't even recognize my own self in the mirror . I was nothing now im ok so can you


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

Hi Allison,

Oh, don't worry, I didn't think you came across as rude, and I don't think you actually upset anyone. There's always an, "it depends," or counterargument to any point made, and that's fine. That's just a discussion.

I always liked you so I'm really glad to hear you have recovered from DP. I'm just so sorry it took such a lot of heartache for you to find the perspective you talked about. I think you make a lot of good points as you always have, and I'm really happy you have come through this. I wish you all the best with everything.


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