# To those of you who's had it for years



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Hi. I just wanted to ask, *what is your symptoms on a daily basis if you've had dp for years?*
My main "symptom" is that everything seems unfamiliar, like my self and friends and my house, my memories (well everything actually).
I will not be able to live with this for very much longer, so it would give me some hope if someone could tell me dp feels different after a while.

I'll tell you what I don't have. I don't feel like I'm in a dream or that reality doesn't exist. I don't feel numb. I don't have the "fog"-thing.

I do however struggle with memory, and I get easily disoriented and confused. I'm dizzy. I have lost all spontaneity. My identity is fragile and sort of changes. I don't really believe my life and memories are mine, as they seem so unfamiliar.

Thanks!


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

I feel like my symptoms change a lot. Sometimes, it will go in stages like I'll have certain symptoms a lot for a span of a couple years and then they won't happen as much but other symptoms will take their place. Like I used to have strong episodes where I couldn't move my body and I would go into a real freeze mode. That doesn't happen much anymore but I feel like now life has become much more of a blur, day by day just going by, times going without me. I feel disconnected from every part of my past, whether it be when I was seven or a couple months ago. For me, I feel like with chronic dp, your brain learns to adjust which actually kinda works against you. Like I usually dissociate my dissociating. I try to stop that process from happening because I've found that when I try to ignore dp, it still stays around quite strongly, I just don't realize it and yet I still consider it suffering. Another symptom I've found a lot lately is disconnection from people. I'm also very unaware of my body and surroundings. I'm not experiencing much with my senses, all very blunted. It's easier to deal with dp and function after dealing with it so long but it is still very exhausting. I do feel numb. I do have brainfog. And sometimes I still do wonder if I exist or the world is real although I stay away from triggers like taking philosophy courses and always being prepared for stressful situations. Last year, I knew that I was going to have a bad episode of dp...I felt it coming so I prepared for the storm by preparing to possibly drop out of my courses at school, lining up psychiatrists and just having those people in line I would need when I became unresponsive and didn't even get up to eat food in the day anymore, much less shower. So, I haven't learned how to keep dp from happening or how to lessen it. I've just learned how to respond to it in a more mature way than the past and never take those slight moments of clarity and reality for granted. Don't know if that's what you were looking for but that's how it's been for me. 8)
I'm very interested to hear what other people have to say on this subject. Keep em comin.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

What bothers me most is difficulty thinking. I can't think out of instinct anymore. It takes all my effort, energy, and strength to think, to the point where thinking becomes not possible. I think that's where the auto-pilot kicks in at least for me, and the auto-pilot leads to confusion, feelings of loss of self, etc.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

The worst parts of DP for me is the feeling that i'm not existing anymore, like i've dissapeared and everything looks and feels so far away. I feel like my soul is detatched from my body but not enough to actually leave my body. I stare almost constantly and then i'll snap out of it and have no memory of what was going on around me while I was spacing. I feel like nothing I do or say is controlled by me as if someone else is doing it for me. I feel like i'm trapped in a void where mere existence seems to hang by a thread. And when i'm laying in the bed with my movie on, I feel like i'm not where I know I have to be, if that makes any sense. I just feel like i'm not there anymore. These are the things that scare me the most about DP. :shock:


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Seems like we all have different symptoms... I think I could say myself i've had it for years, but it hasn't been 24/7.
Now it is absolute hell, as I can't do anything and don't really recognize people. Guess I'm interested in hearing how you live with it after say, a year or more, and if there's been any improvement at all in symptoms. I mean, how do you function, and how do you deal with people in your life? I can't work or meet friends like this, I'd die.
If you get it after a panic-attack, is it normal for it to get gradually better? Mine has certainly gotten steadily better, although very slowly so.

I NEED MY BRAIN TO FUNCTION AGAIN :shock:


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I need my brain to function again as well. I would say I have adapted to the mass confusion and irritability, not that it has gotten better. In one sense, I was in much deeper mental pain when this first began, so some progress has been made. I've also become distant from most all of my friends and have a hard time going out and functioning.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

I've had it 24/7 for four years with no breaks and staying at a pretty constant, bad level. I don't really do much. I can't work, I only go out maybe once a week with my cousin (if that) while I sit around and watch him and a few other guys smoke weed like theres no tommorrow, I rarely leave the house (maybe once a week), I sleep as long as I possibly can and want to sleep longer but I know I have to get up sometime so I force myself to get up and face this junk again, I get drunk whenever I can because it is the *ONLY* thing that takes my mind off of DP but I can't drink often because I rarely leave the house and I know how to avoid hangovers so I rarley get them, there are other things but none of them are good. If I stayed like this forever, i'd end up homeless, starving and suffering in a ditch somewhere, thats how disfunctional I am with this DP. Its the worst thing to EVER hit my life.  It actually took my life away.


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## simplynothing (Aug 23, 2009)

Claymore said:


> I've had it 24/7 for four years with no breaks and staying at a pretty constant, bad level. I don't really do much. I can't work, I only go out maybe once a week with my cousin (if that) while I sit around and watch him and a few other guys smoke weed like theres no tommorrow, I rarely leave the house (maybe once a week), I sleep as long as I possibly can and want to sleep longer but I know I have to get up sometime so I force myself to get up and face this junk again, I get drunk whenever I can because it is the *ONLY* thing that takes my mind off of DP but I can't drink often because I rarely leave the house and I know how to avoid hangovers so I rarley get them, there are other things but none of them are good. If I stayed like this forever, i'd end up homeless, starving and suffering in a ditch somewhere, thats how disfunctional I am with this DP. Its the worst thing to EVER hit my life.  It actually took my life away.


When your around them and their smoking are you outside or inside? and if so are any windows open?


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

simplynothing said:


> When your around them and their smoking are you outside or inside? and if so are any windows open?


Most of the time we are inside because my cousin just takes me to one of our friends houses and they share a house because they're over 18 now. But I never noticed if there were windows open or not, but I don't think there were, or are when we go.


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## Guest (Sep 28, 2009)

Claymore said:


> I've had it 24/7 for four years with no breaks and staying at a pretty constant, bad level. I don't really do much. I can't work, I only go out maybe once a week with my cousin (if that) while I sit around and watch him and a few other guys smoke weed like theres no tommorrow, I rarely leave the house (maybe once a week), I sleep as long as I possibly can and want to sleep longer but I know I have to get up sometime so I force myself to get up and face this junk again, I get drunk whenever I can because it is the *ONLY* thing that takes my mind off of DP but I can't drink often because I rarely leave the house and I know how to avoid hangovers so I rarley get them, there are other things but none of them are good. If I stayed like this forever, i'd end up homeless, starving and suffering in a ditch somewhere, thats how disfunctional I am with this DP. Its the worst thing to EVER hit my life.  It actually took my life away.


You're not doing much to get yourself out of it, from the sound of it? Have you tried getting a really basic job or anything? Even just a paper round to get you out the house? I've had DP for four years but after about a year of feeling sorry for myself and staying in bed all the time (and I WAS BAD, literally felt like my entire existence was 2 little holes that I was looking out of and nothing else) I dragged myself out there and got a job, it was hell most days but I made myself do it , had quite a lot of time off sick but still perservered. Left that job and found another, and am now starting out on a totally new career path. And I am gradually (VERY gradually) improving. It ain't gonna go if you just sit round waiting to get better, you have to actually live and make some effort, no matter how hard/impossible it seems. I know this sounds harsh, and is very easy to say, but I have done it as well and it was a massive struggle but am SO glad I did. I don't think I would have got anywhere by staying at home. It was UTTER HELL working until probably only a few months ago and is still hard at times now but it gave me some social contact (even if I wasn't the sanest banana in the bunch) and got me out the house. Ok so I would spend half the day in the toilet in tears and go straight to bed when I got home , but oh so gradually I would maybe have a bath and some food when I got in, go on the pc for a bit, then maybe stay up to watch eastenders or something........now I get up early, do the whole shower etc, go to work, maybe eat out with a workmate at lunch or go round the shops in town, have tea when I get home, walk the dogs and stay up til ten or eleven, and even go out at the weekends. It's great, but it's been damn hard work - and I think that is the key, knowing that youve been dealt a tough hand but you just have to cope with it, somehow.........life's a bitch and no it isn't fair.....not much else I can say really. Hope it's helpful in some way...


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## Kitr (Jul 7, 2009)

Guys and girls dont worry we all have it and at least we are brave enough to cope with it!!!


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> It ain't gonna go if you just sit round waiting to get better, you have to actually live and make some effort, no matter how hard/impossible it seems.


I don't have a car or a liscense, so I can't drive. My mom works all day and gets hom at night so she can't take me to look for a job. And the only other person that could take me out is my cousin and he goes to college during the day and works during the night so I rarely get to go out with him anymore. Its not that I choose to stay at home all the time, its that I have no way out.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Kitarist said:


> at least we are brave enough to cope with it!!!


Yeah, instead of blowing our brains out.


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## Guest (Sep 29, 2009)

Claymore said:


> Phasedout24 said:
> 
> 
> > It ain't gonna go if you just sit round waiting to get better, you have to actually live and make some effort, no matter how hard/impossible it seems.
> ...


How old are you? is there any legal or medical reason you can't get a car/license? I have driven since 17 but didn't get DP until 22 (26 now) so I learnt while 'normal' which I think made it easier to carry on after getting DP, so I can appreciate learning while DP might seem daunting. Do you live somewhere there is no public transport/nothing in walking distance? Even if you are at home all day, try getting up earlier and getting a routine going, ask your mum if there is anything you can help with round the house, go for a daily walk, read a chapter of a book (if you are able to read - it was a good 2 years in before I was able to read again), perhaps even find a distance learning course you are interested in? Find yourself some purpose/a goal no matter how small......one thing I've really struggled with is everything feeling pointless/mundane but actually it is the mundane things that are the nicest in life so try and ignore any thoughts to the contrary.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I agree with everything said here, about having some routines etc. It's very hard in the beginning, it seriously took me two months to be able to get in the shower every morning. Then, after seven (!) months I started taking my kid to school every day, and that's when I had the biggest change for the better. If you are not willing to set your alarm and get up in the morning, if only to have breakfast and go outside for two minutes, then you are not serious about getting better. It's THE way to become more functional.
I have no car either, and thank God I don't because I get so much fresh air, and I don't work, but I still follow the same routines every day. It's what have helped me every time I've fallen into this hole.

Claymore; If there is two things you should do to get well, it's 1) Getting up and going to bed same time every day, including weekends 2) Stay away from drugs and alcohol

If you do this without exception you will feel a difference within weeks, maybe days.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> How old are you? is there any legal or medical reason you can't get a car/license? I have driven since 17 but didn't get DP until 22 (26 now) so I learnt while 'normal' which I think made it easier to carry on after getting DP, so I can appreciate learning while DP might seem daunting. Do you live somewhere there is no public transport/nothing in walking distance? Even if you are at home all day, try getting up earlier and getting a routine going, ask your mum if there is anything you can help with round the house, go for a daily walk, read a chapter of a book (if you are able to read - it was a good 2 years in before I was able to read again), perhaps even find a distance learning course you are interested in? Find yourself some purpose/a goal no matter how small......one thing I've really struggled with is everything feeling pointless/mundane but actually it is the mundane things that are the nicest in life so try and ignore any thoughts to the contrary.


I'm 19 years old. And I can't drive because I can't afford insurance on my car, therefore I can't get my licsense. And I live waaaaay out in the country, probably about 15 minutes away from town, if you were in a car. No public transportation out here. And I still can't read because the words on the pages seem to move or look strange when I try too. But thats some good advice, i'll take it into consideration, thanks.


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2009)

Claymore said:


> Phasedout24 said:
> 
> 
> > How old are you? is there any legal or medical reason you can't get a car/license? I have driven since 17 but didn't get DP until 22 (26 now) so I learnt while 'normal' which I think made it easier to carry on after getting DP, so I can appreciate learning while DP might seem daunting. Do you live somewhere there is no public transport/nothing in walking distance? Even if you are at home all day, try getting up earlier and getting a routine going, ask your mum if there is anything you can help with round the house, go for a daily walk, read a chapter of a book (if you are able to read - it was a good 2 years in before I was able to read again), perhaps even find a distance learning course you are interested in? Find yourself some purpose/a goal no matter how small......one thing I've really struggled with is everything feeling pointless/mundane but actually it is the mundane things that are the nicest in life so try and ignore any thoughts to the contrary.
> ...


Ah that's a shame  But do try taking some walks, even if it all looks weird, I found walking with my dogs one of the best therapies - in fact get a dog if you don't have one, they are really therapeutic, one of mine has literally glued himself to me ever since I became ill, follows me everywhere, sits on my lap (kinda - he's a spaniel so half on half off) and is generally very protective. Cuddles too! You may also find that if you get a pup, the actual routine of toilet training and looking after it could help? Just a thought! Gives you a bit of purpose too!


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> Ah that's a shame  But do try taking some walks, even if it all looks weird, I found walking with my dogs one of the best therapies - in fact get a dog if you don't have one, they are really therapeutic, one of mine has literally glued himself to me ever since I became ill, follows me everywhere, sits on my lap (kinda - he's a spaniel so half on half off) and is generally very protective. Cuddles too! You may also find that if you get a pup, the actual routine of toilet training and looking after it could help? Just a thought! Gives you a bit of purpose too!


Thanks Phasedout.  I have a cat but she only rubs up against me when she wants something. :roll: LOL.


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## Guest (Oct 5, 2009)

Claymore said:


> Phasedout24 said:
> 
> 
> > Ah that's a shame  But do try taking some walks, even if it all looks weird, I found walking with my dogs one of the best therapies - in fact get a dog if you don't have one, they are really therapeutic, one of mine has literally glued himself to me ever since I became ill, follows me everywhere, sits on my lap (kinda - he's a spaniel so half on half off) and is generally very protective. Cuddles too! You may also find that if you get a pup, the actual routine of toilet training and looking after it could help? Just a thought! Gives you a bit of purpose too!
> ...


That's cats for you :roll: we just got a new puppy, now have 3 spaniels, it's nuts but fun  seriously recommend it especially if you have the time to spend with one


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

what kind of spaniels?


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

*Sigh*. Ruining my threads. If it isn't Jesus, it's Spaniels.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

i wouldn't say anything is ruined...alot of good advice on this thread. i too have found that taking my dog for a walk is very theraputic and helps me to relax and think about other things besides myself.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

york said:


> *Sigh*. Ruining my threads. If it isn't Jesus, it's Spaniels.


I'll just bite my tongue this time. HARD. :roll:


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> That's cats for you :roll: we just got a new puppy, now have 3 spaniels, it's nuts but fun  seriously recommend it especially if you have the time to spend with one


I got all the time in the world. :roll: Now I just have to sneak a dog past my animal hating mother. :lol:


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

york said:


> *Sigh*. Ruining my threads. If it isn't Jesus, it's Spaniels.


Just for the record, I was only kidding


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## Guest (Oct 6, 2009)

peachyderanged said:


> what kind of spaniels?


Cockers!

york: my mum swore our old spaniel was jesus reincarnated..... (it was a joke....I hope............. :shock: )

;D


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

york said:


> york said:
> 
> 
> > *Sigh*. Ruining my threads. If it isn't Jesus, it's Spaniels.
> ...


I know Anny :wink: . I was too really.  By the way, did you get your benzos? Are you feeling at least somewhat better now?


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> Cocks!


 :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Where did that thread on psych-dogs go? Cocks for everyone!


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

york said:


> Cocks for everyone!


No cocks for me please, i'm 100% into the ladies. :wink: :lol:


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## Guest (Oct 9, 2009)

Claymore said:


> york said:
> 
> 
> > Cocks for everyone!
> ...


 :lol:


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> Claymore said:
> 
> 
> > york said:
> ...


 :lol: Sorry for that Phasedout, it seemed like the perfect oppurtunity for a dirty joke. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol:


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## Guest (Oct 11, 2009)

Claymore said:


> Claymore said:
> 
> 
> > york said:
> ...


You never need an excuse to make an innuendo


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> You never need an excuse to make an innuendo


 :lol: HAHA!!! :lol: Guess not. Dude, you want DP to go away? GO HERE!!!!!!!!

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=20805#p177859

And that goes for anyone else who reads this. We are trying to spread this across the whole forum so we can ALL get help.!!!!!!!!!


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

So, I have had Dp for decades, and now have it a small bit, somedays I'm not sure I have it at all. I really can't remember how it was to not have it. But, I do live a life of peace and relative happiness now, and don't dwell on the DP anymore. But, it does get better. If you keep fighting for your life, your mind/body/soul will give you your life back. That's what I've learned from the "wisdom" of all this hell. The will to survive will lead you all into the healing that you crave and struggle for. Keep searching for answers about the causes of your own DP and why you allow it persist. Did I save the thread?


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## jaynon (Oct 12, 2009)

ive had dp/dr for almost a year now. when i broke up with the love of my life i started smoking weed everyday to forget about it and a year later i had a massive panic/anxiety attack that started my DP. for the first three months i didnt know who i was, where i was, or why i was doing anything. i stopped smoking weed and cut back on drinking and started taking care of my body...exercising twice a week, eating a lot healthier, and started taking 5 htp and a b vitamin complex around may. here i am today almost completely recovered. i started feeling my old self come through the dp/dr and depression a few weeks ago and it feels absolutely amazing!
there is hope for everyone out there, you just have to be strong and treat your body with care. keep your head up!


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

jaynon said:


> ive had dp/dr for almost a year now. when i broke up with the love of my life i started smoking weed everyday to forget about it and a year later i had a massive panic/anxiety attack that started my DP. for the first three months i didnt know who i was, where i was, or why i was doing anything. i stopped smoking weed and cut back on drinking and started taking care of my body...exercising twice a week, eating a lot healthier, and started taking 5 htp and a b vitamin complex around may. here i am today almost completely recovered. i started feeling my old self come through the dp/dr and depression a few weeks ago and it feels absolutely amazing!
> there is hope for everyone out there, you just have to be strong and treat your body with care. keep your head up!


That is the most uplifting thing I've heard in a long time! I've had it since january this year, and it has changed a lot during that time. Thanks for posting!


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## Guest (Oct 13, 2009)

york said:


> jaynon said:
> 
> 
> > ive had dp/dr for almost a year now. when i broke up with the love of my life i started smoking weed everyday to forget about it and a year later i had a massive panic/anxiety attack that started my DP. for the first three months i didnt know who i was, where i was, or why i was doing anything. i stopped smoking weed and cut back on drinking and started taking care of my body...exercising twice a week, eating a lot healthier, and started taking 5 htp and a b vitamin complex around may. here i am today almost completely recovered. i started feeling my old self come through the dp/dr and depression a few weeks ago and it feels absolutely amazing!
> ...


4 years for me. Can't quite believe it's been that long. Seem to be gradually mending, touch wood


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## jaynon (Oct 12, 2009)

york said:


> jaynon said:
> 
> 
> > ive had dp/dr for almost a year now. when i broke up with the love of my life i started smoking weed everyday to forget about it and a year later i had a massive panic/anxiety attack that started my DP. for the first three months i didnt know who i was, where i was, or why i was doing anything. i stopped smoking weed and cut back on drinking and started taking care of my body...exercising twice a week, eating a lot healthier, and started taking 5 htp and a b vitamin complex around may. here i am today almost completely recovered. i started feeling my old self come through the dp/dr and depression a few weeks ago and it feels absolutely amazing!
> ...


no problem! the one thing you always have to keep in mind is that no matter how bad you have it, it can only get better. (and it will  )


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