# Getting there



## zhqhqn (Aug 15, 2005)

Hey I decided to post this here so that if someone who, like me, came to the forum a year ago thinking this is incurable sees it, they'll know it's not.

About a year ago I was a fairly regular consumer of acid and pot and lots of other drugs. I thought I knew what I was doing and I'd heard of HPPD, but never imagined it was a bad thing (after all, I was actively trying to get these effects by taking drugs in the first place!). Then one night I took acid and smoked a joint, for the millionth time ever, and I entered a horrible dimension you couldn't imagine. I literally thought I had been sucked into hell and my life prior to that was a sick joke. I somehow made it home and fell asleep, and the next morning at nine o'clock was at work thinking, whoa, that was weird.

Fast forward two weeks, and I smoked a spliff of some american weed (what we have at home is rubbish by comparison) and entered that state that would become so familiar to me for the next year...

The day I realised it was the start of the most disgusting summer of my life. I was getting out of work to go to a party in my girlfriend's house, and I remember being rigid with fear the whole evening. Believing that the drug-induced "revelations" past month had all been about uncovering the lies about the world, something like the Matrix, only I'm the only character and nobody else is out there to greet me in the "real world". Over the next few weeks I would slip into visions of what the world outside this reality was like, of higher dimensions full of nonsense and a yet more uncaring universe than this one. I saw the physical world around me as too impossible to be real. I became horrified at the sound of my own voice and the feel of my own body. My vision at this stage was utterly warped; I would see faces on houses and cars and everything overlaid with a haze of static. I would re-feel the feelings from bad trips I'd had on salvia and acid and sometimes I'd feel like the world around me was controlled by these dimensional elves with bizarre names. I thought no-one but me existed and my consciousness was propping up the world. Yep, I was fucked.

What I did in the meantime is detailed here.

It's hard to believe then that now, a year later, I'm able to live my life and spend time with people and enjoy it. And look forward to things. I'm in the middle of exams right now (I made it through a whole year of college) and my concentration is shot to pieces (here I am on dpselfhelp.com when I ought to be studying) but I'm still here. Life feels like I'm actually living it, not like I'm dreaming it. If it weren't for my girlfriend, my shrink and the internet I wouldn't be here to post this - but it is me who is still here, me who has survived the worst onslaught a soul can take.

I'm not 100% cured yet, but DP, I have defeated you. You have tried to infect every part of my existence and reduce me to nothing, and you have *failed*. And now I have the whole rest of my life to live.


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## lies (Nov 14, 2005)

nice to read!
i think i'm a bit at the same place
not cured yet, but not letting dp f*ck up my life
although it's not easy to get trough

but you're right, that's the clue to realise
you did it, you are alive doing things
you are here, no matter how difficult dp has made it for you
you're still here, in your face DP :wink:

thnx
for your post

xxx


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

It really is a good post. I think in the future when someone new comes in
all flipped out, I'm going to direct them to this section to read this. It really hits a large group of people that have become dp/dr'd thru drug use. You tell it straight and let the good, the bad and the ugly be known. 
And then the best part, you let it be known that there can be life after 
one gets this disorder.

Really good post. Thanks for taking the time to write it.

terri*


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## zhqhqn (Aug 15, 2005)

heh! thanks! it's all true though. it's such a hopelessly alien and unwanted horrible state at first, and it feels like you're totally separate from the rest of your life when it first happens. there are some waaay worse things though. today is my one-year anniversary of getting this disorder, and I would love to travel back in time and tell myself it'll be hard, but not as hopeless as it seems.

(though I reckon my future self appearing out of a time vortex would have been quite disturbing at that time.)


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