# This is what derealization looks like to me (video) - WOW!



## devoidzer0

Wow, I'm almost shaking here. Someone just tweeted a YouTube video that is like a virtual version of the way I experience reality, 24/7. First, some background. Like many of you, I have chronic DP/DR, but it has become so ever-present and pervasive in my consciousness, that the DP/DR state is now "normal" for me. It's probably different for everyone, but for me the derealization takes the form of reality having a fake, insubstantial feeling. I see the world perfectly clearly (not through a haze or wool cloth), but all of the depth and emotion feels sucked out of everything. My perspective of everything feels small, almost like I am looking at a model of the world instead of the real thing, and there is no emotional atmosphere to anything. The world feels dead to me. It's been so long, I don't remember what normal feels like.

Anyway, onto the video. This video is not intentionally related to DR (it very much took me by surprise). The scenes are from the Carnaval party in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 2011, however the way it was shot is very stylized. The person who filmed it used a camera technique called "tilt shift", which makes everything look fake, or like a miniature/model version of itself. I was amazed when I watched this. Now I can actually show people the way reality looks to me (though I could never show them how it truly _feels_). There is nothing intentionally scary in this video, but if you have severe DR I would recommend you watch it in a place you feel safe. Of course, you may not think it is disturbing in the least (some may think it is beautiful, which I may agree with if it didn't hit so close to home). Click on the YouTube logo at the bottom right for a full sized version to get the full effect.






I'm wondering, does this video affect anyone else with DR at all? Does it feel familiar in any way?


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## Guest

devoidzer0 said:


> Wow, I'm almost shaking here. Someone just tweeted a YouTube video that is like a virtual version of the way I experience reality, 24/7. First, some background. Like many of you, I have chronic DP/DR, but it has become so ever-present and pervasive in my consciousness, that the DP/DR state is now "normal" for me. It's probably different for everyone, but for me the derealization takes the form of reality having a fake, insubstantial feeling. I see the world perfectly clearly (not through a haze or wool cloth), but all of the depth and emotion feels sucked out of everything. My perspective of everything feels small, almost like I am looking at a model of the world instead of the real thing, and there is no emotional atmosphere to anything. The world feels dead to me. It's been so long, I don't remember what normal feels like.
> 
> Anyway, onto the video. This video is not intentionally related to DR (it very much took me by surprise). The scenes are from the Carnaval party in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 2011, however the way it was shot is very stylized. The person who filmed it used a camera technique called "tilt shift", which makes everything look fake, or like a miniature/model version of itself. I was amazed when I watched this. Now I can actually show people the way reality looks to me (though I could never show them how it truly _feels_). There is nothing intentionally scary in this video, but if you have severe DR I would recommend you watch it in a place you feel safe. Of course, you may not think it is disturbing in the least (some may think it is beautiful, which I may agree with if it didn't hit so close to home).
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm wondering, does this video affect anyone else with DR at all? Does it feel familiar in any way?


Omg! Wow that was amazing. I love tilt shift and how it can make big things look like toys!

I get DP, but I do feel like I can relate to that video. Mine is not exactly like that, more like I feel like I have stepped back and out of myself and the world is where my body is, so very close and daunting. I think I will show people I know that video to at least show them how distorted DP makes me feel, even though it's not in the exact same way. Thanks for posting!


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## 12345

Very interesting! I can definitely relate to you with this video.


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## Guest

devoidzer0 said:


> Wow, I'm almost shaking here. Someone just tweeted a YouTube video that is like a virtual version of the way I experience reality, 24/7. First, some background. Like many of you, I have chronic DP/DR, but it has become so ever-present and pervasive in my consciousness, that the DP/DR state is now "normal" for me. It's probably different for everyone, but for me the derealization takes the form of reality having a fake, insubstantial feeling. I see the world perfectly clearly (not through a haze or wool cloth), but all of the depth and emotion feels sucked out of everything. My perspective of everything feels small, almost like I am looking at a model of the world instead of the real thing, and there is no emotional atmosphere to anything. The world feels dead to me. It's been so long, I don't remember what normal feels like.
> 
> Anyway, onto the video. This video is not intentionally related to DR (it very much took me by surprise). The scenes are from the Carnaval party in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 2011, however the way it was shot is very stylized. The person who filmed it used a camera technique called "tilt shift", which makes everything look fake, or like a miniature/model version of itself. I was amazed when I watched this. Now I can actually show people the way reality looks to me (though I could never show them how it truly _feels_). There is nothing intentionally scary in this video, but if you have severe DR I would recommend you watch it in a place you feel safe. Of course, you may not think it is disturbing in the least (some may think it is beautiful, which I may agree with if it didn't hit so close to home). Click on the YouTube logo at the bottom right for a full sized version to get the full effect.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm wondering, does this video affect anyone else with DR at all? Does it feel familiar in any way?


How long have you had DPD? I was really confused by that video.


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## rightwrong99

Yess this is how I see things sometimes. It really is beautiful.

Let me throw this at you.... maybe its not what you're seeing that is the problem, but how you are (or aren't) interpreting it. Maybe the issue is that its too beautiful for you.You're scared? But if you can find a way to integrate what to you seems "unreal" - you'll feel less depersonalized and less disconnected from what you're perceiving as an unreality. Try to translate what you're seeing into words and emotions - become connected to it in a visceral way.


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## devoidzer0

robotchicken said:


> How long have you had DPD? I was really confused by that video.


I've been living with DP and DR for most of my life. I'm 33 now, and the first time I remember feeling DP was when I was at school in the first or second grade. I was standing alone by a large boulder on the playground at recess. I remember watching myself from above and thinking "who am I?" and feeling like I was two people - the one watching me and the one controlling my body. That feeling only lasted briefly. It wasn't until later in my life that I experienced something which shifted my perception permanently.

When I was about 12, I was sleeping over my friend's house who lived two houses down from me. It was about 11pm, and we were ready to go to sleep. We were in his living room in our sleeping bags, and he had just shut the lights off. So it was complete darkness, and we were just talking. All of a sudden, I got this terrible feeling that nothing was real; it felt like I was in a dream that I couldn't wake up from. I felt like I should be at home lying on my own bed (because it was a dream), but I WASN'T. This realization was completely earth-shattering and mind-bending. I was just freaking out in my mind, and all I could say was "oh my God." I tried to explain what I was feeling to my friend, but he didn't understand, and basically laughed at me. After awhile, I calmed down, but something still wasn't right.

I can honestly say I don't think I have ever been the same after that night. After that happened the first time, I have always, to varying degrees, felt "outside of" myself, detached, sometimes feeling like I am not controlling my own actions, and having difficulty feeling emotions (of course, the classic description of DP). It's almost like something snapped inside my head that night.

The most disturbing aspect of my DP/DR has been my complete loss of emotion and motivation to do anything or care about anything (especially in the last couple of years). This goes hand in hand with depression (which I am also no stranger to). It feels like life is passing me by, but I honestly don't care. I just don't have the emotion to. So the way everything looks to me physically is actually the least of my problems.


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## devoidzer0

newyork said:


> Yess this is how I see things sometimes. It really is beautiful.
> 
> Let me throw this at you.... maybe its not what you're seeing that is the problem, but how you are (or aren't) interpreting it. Maybe the issue is that its too beautiful for you.You're scared? But if you can find a way to integrate what to you seems "unreal" - you'll feel less depersonalized and less disconnected from what you're perceiving as an unreality. Try to translate what you're seeing into words and emotions - become connected to it in a visceral way.


Thanks for trying to help. The issue isn't that it's too beautiful for me - it's just the opposite. I can no longer feel the beauty in anything. All my sensory input (sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste) is completely devoid of emotional resonance. I don't perceive the world with the depth of feeling that I used to, and my ability to process emotions and feel life in a visceral way is completely non-existent. I don't feel alive in the moment, and I have no emotional relation to past memories. I don't even feel time passing, so days, months, weeks, and years seem to disappear very quickly. It's almost like I don't exist, I'm not even connected to this life. No matter what I try to think or do, this does not change.


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## 12345

Awesome video!!! Check this one out too.


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## 707

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