# what helped me to awake from dp dr when i was 18



## nikosmar (Apr 21, 2017)

It was a period in my life that i did specific things and i was awakening in the pure one self with crystal focus 3d vision and deep awe and empathy for others.

Somebody told me that i did not have self control and suggested me a self control exercise.
i followed the advice and in one week i started having awakening experiences in daily basis. These exercises helped me to know how is to be alive and have 3d clear vision and focus and empathy.
Even if the MAIN SELF CONTROL exercise is very drastic finally brought problems to me , because i was inexperienced and burned my self out. Apparently i should try a more modest way to perform it. - i explain at the end of my post-.

THE EXERSIZE : here is a link of a book that is very close to what i was doing http://infositelinks.com/Free/2012/08/The-Master-Mind.pdf

The purpose of the exercise is to become a dictator of your self the sovereign power in you, the master mind . When ever you want to do something that needs effort and is not easy there are inner conversations that try to persuade for the opposite so not to do it ....it is like your brain is a parliament where many other participants resist to yous decision and block it. SO YOU HAVE TO BECOME THE DICTATOR. how?: FIND SOMETHING DIFFICULT WHICH IS ANNOYING TO DO BUT NOT SELF HARMING ( AND NOT ILLEGAL OF COURSE  ) Find something that THERE IS NO REASON TO DO IT AND IMPOSE IT TO YOUR SELF TO DO IT. FOR EXAMPLE : you come tired from work and want to fall over the bed and rest....impose your self to dress again and go out walk 1 km and then rest....there is no reason to do it BUT IF YOU SUCCEED TO DO SOMETHING EVEN WHEN THERE IS NO REASON TO DO IT THEN YOU WILL HAVE MORE SELF CONTROL WHEN THERE IS A REASON TO DO SOMETHING AND YOU ARE AVOIDING IT . YOU WILL EXPERIENCE INCREASED POWER OF WILL WITH IMPACT TO YOUR FOCUS AND ATTENTION , CONCENTRATION ABILITY IN HERE AND NOW . I was doing cold water showers , stop eating something while just started eating it , imposing my self to stay unmovable still for a period of time 10 min lets say , not scratching an itching , when i was swept and a drop was falling my nose i was imposing my self not to wipe it and suffer the discomfort, controlling my desire to speak letting others to be the center of attention and similar crazy things. WHAT WAS THE IMPORTANT THING THAT THIS SELF CONTROL GAVE ME? I DEVELOPED AN ABILITY TO INHIBIT MY IMPULSES . IT WAS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME BEING ABLE TO INHIBIT ANY DESIRE OR OBSESSION AS DICTATOR. .THE MAIN ANNOYING IMPULSE AND HABIT OF MOOD I HAD WAS A DEPERSONALISED NUMBNESS A LANGUOR OF MY SELF AND SENSES LIKE IF I WAS PROGRAMMED TO IMPULSIVELY BLOCK MY ABILITY TO FEEL IT. WITH THIS NEW TRAIT IN COMBINATION WITH STEP 5 - WHICH YOU WILL READ HERE IF YOU SCROLL DOWN -MY CORE AWAKE SELF EMERGED .

SO NOW I HAD A 1000 % POWER OF WILL INCREASED AND I TRANSFERRED THIS POWER TO THE FOLLOWING EXERCISES OF THINGS THAT WERE GOOD :

2) I was awakening 5 oclock in the morning and making pray to god to help me to awake emotionally and spiritually and to be able to see with feelings and awareness . I was reading bible CONTEMPLATING AND VISUALISING IN MY imagination the stories as if i was there (with all of my senses ) trying to realise in here and now who i am NOW where i am NOW and when these events in the past took place, and how real would these events be that time under the sun and the moon over this earth if i was there . ( from what i read now i should adapt this early morning awakening to adequate 8 hours of sleep) also now i know that the power of will is a resource we have that is limited and dependent to our nervous system chemicals brain endorphins and is a specific lets say amount we have to use every day .....if we consume in one area lets say at our work a lot of restraint then the amount we have to use is limited in our relationships or in our other healthy lifestyle goals. So there is a need of modesty and prioritization to what is more important......plus the exercise of self control i was doing in unnecessary things by itself was not modest as it was consuming my resourses of self-control often to stupid things.....so even if i had 1000 % increase of power to restraint then suddenly i was run out of fuel creating bipolar disorder symptoms of energy swings and sadness ........So now i do such exercises of unnecessary things WITH DISCERNMENT...... it did work to help me at that time allot ....it was like a missile that took me out of earths gravity lets say but burned me out often.

3) I WAS DOING VOLUNTEER WORK HELPING OTHERS IN THE COMMUNITY SO I WAS SOCIALISING ALOT IN A POSITIVE WAY THAT WAS LETTING ME TO LISTEN OTHERS AND TO PRACTICE EMPATHY.

4) I WAS NOT MASTURBATING AND I WAS EATING HEALTHY FOODS VEGETABLES FRUITS CLEAN PROTEIN ETC in MODEST amounts . I WAS WALKING EVERY DAY OR RUNNING FOR EXERCISE
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5) THIS WAS THE MOST POWERFUL THING I WAS DOING.....I WAS GOING OUT TO THE NATURE STANDING IN A ALERT BODY STANCE AND I WAS TRYING WITH COMBINATION OF PRAYING AND CONTEMPLATION TO BE AWARE THAT I AM HERE AND THE OBJECTS THERE IN FRONT OF ME AND I AM REAL AND I EXIST AND THE TREES ARE THERE AND ALL IS REAL......I WAS TRYING TO FOCUS IN THE FEELING OF MY SELF THE FEELING OF MY HANDS , FEET AND THE WHOLE BODY AS ONE IT WAS LIKE (AN EMBODIMENT EXERCISE ) REALISING MY SELF OVER THE EARTH UNDER THE MOON IN THIS MOMENT IN THE UNIVERSE ALIVE. i WAS REASSURING MY SELF : LOOK YOU EXIST TRY TO BE CONSCIOUS OF IT LOOK THE OBJECTS ARE THERE AND YOU HERE.. I AM HERE ALL WHAT I SEE IS THERE PLEASE GOD OPEN MY EYES SO TO BE ABLE TO REALLY SEE AND TO FEEL ALIVE. !!!!......AND OOPS THE MIRACLE WAS THERE A 3D SUPER VISION .... I WAS FEELING MY SELF AS ONE , I WAS PURE AWARENESS THE OBSERVER "I AM " AND THE OBJECTS AROUND ME SO CLEAR AND SEPARATE... I WAS ABLE TO FEEL IN AWE THAT GOD EXISTS AND DEEP EMPATHY FOR OTHERS FEELING THEM AND LOVE THEM AS MY SELF. I was falling down to my knees worshiping God with awe knowing that i was a small repetition of him and i was existing in all forms of life in a differentiated separate life scenario. I WAS THINKING : This is how Jesus was feeling .not that i was Jesus but that i was in a state of awareness that all i was reading he was saying had meaning to me for first time......this awareness was like feeling to be a god but not in a megalomaniac psychotic delirium condition but in a sober awakened consciousness knowing that you are HIS IMAGE.. - as bible writes -...so yes this is how you should feel and no depersonalisation and derealisation. The next day i woke up NUMB AGAIN....tried hard to do all and in the afternoon i was awake again....This pattern in and out repeated few weeks until i lost it for a while even if i was trying hard.... i had lead my self to fatigue...and depression.....and i was like being all my life in a dark cave with other people and i was able to come out and see the light and then to be again inside the cave depressed for i knew there was a real world out there and i could not stay there but i am trapped down here....The in and out continued for few years from my 18 to my 26 maybe but less intensively ...I ALSO WAS WONDERING ARE ALL PEOPLE DEAD ASLEEP AND I KNOW IT OR I WAS ONLY AND THEY ARE AWAKE..?....I MADE A HUGE RESEARCH FROM THAT POINT AND AFTER I REALISED THAT THE MOST PEOPLE ARE IN A NUMB STATE IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.MORE OR LESS ...AND I AM STILL SEARCHING. Though i am not full awake i leave a functional life , i love my wife a have a nice group of people that i socialise with and i have 2 kids in the age of 20.....my life has a purpose and is meaningful During the years i did a lot of work to let my self feel my fears my guilt and shame. I had 2 years of group therapy and 1.5 year of personal counseling for bipolar disorder II . I have read more than 1000 books during 30 years and 14 times bible......Now i like to walk in the forest and in the nature alone i pray alot pouring my heart out to God asking him to cure me with his spirit and i do have times of opening and deep focus, i dont take psychiatric medications but only NAC , L acetylcarnitine , B complex and Q10 and fish oils. Something that helps me allot is deep slow conscious breathings with full open mouth and head up and open chest in the forest.......it is rejuvenating me unblocking the locked stress in all facial and neck muscles and brings me into clarity and piece.

Now i do the self discipline exercises very thoroughly with modesty because it created a phenomenon of avalanche as i had intense increase of power of will that was leading me to exhaustion and fatigue .....when ever i was getting tired and could not impose my self a more and more strict discipline then i was in a all or nothing mind set , over-eating and watching tv too much etc. and losing my energy more and more and creating vicious circles of depression and then high self control / awakenings and back ...it was like creating a bipolar disorder in me. I try to be present in what ever feeling I have good or bad negative or painful and try to have on mind that escaping a painfull feeling is like killing my ability to feel positive feelings too. Even if I ocassionaly feel more disconnected I try to be there in that uncomfortable situation and do my commitments. So I have commitments of things I must do despite how I feel and even if I feel bad. The goal is to do this level of commitment even under the pressure of unpleasant feelings or pain. Though I do this with modesty. Is better someone to be alive dog than dead lion...or like Icarus was advised not to fly too high so the wax melt and lose his wings, neither to low near the sea level and his wings get wet and fall.
And all of this in the mindset of Jesus who at the night of his suffering while he was in intense agony and swept as blood drops was falling of his forehead he advised..Be vigilant and always pray in order not to fall in temptation.....the temptation to sleep in the back seat let's say , and leave the chariot and the horses running uncontrollable.


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## sunflower182 (Apr 29, 2017)

I literally just made an account to reply to this because I'm 17 and am just now starting to recover after being severely DPDR for a year and a half. (Not long compared to some people on here I know) This information I seems really helpful and I'm definitely gonna start doing this even though I have started to recover already thank God. I think this will speed things along. Thank you!


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## nikosmar (Apr 21, 2017)

Guys i am happy to share my optimism about RECOVERING FROM DP DR. After reading some of your experiences and what you did to recover numbness , feelings of unreality OR THE OPPOSITE BEING AWAKE IN PANIC AND DREAD compering to what helped me to experience A POSITIVE awakening of the observer PURE CONSCIOUSNESS when i was 18-25 ...the solution is PATIENT EXERCISES TO EMERGE THE OBSERVER SELF IN A TRUE RELIABLE AND SAFE EXISTENTIAL CONTEXT or COSMOLOGY ..AND WITH THE HELP OF GOD.

HOW?

1) ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY ( MINDFULNESS WILLINGNESS TO FEEL AND BE IN EVEN NEGATIVE FEELINGS SENSATIONS AND PAIN IN HERE AND NOW WHILE DOING THE RIGHT THING)

2) SELF DISCIPLINE EXERCISES ( I EXPLAIN IN THE PREVIOUS POST) (THEY powerfully CREATE THE SPACE FOR the EMERGENCE OF THE REAL SELF).

3) GIVE A LONG PERIOD IN PRACTICE. TO STABILIZE PROGRESS ..DONT BURN YOUR SELF OUT. BE REASONABLE. (TO LEARN PIANO IT TAKES MANY YEARS SIMILARLY TO UNLEARN THE DEFENSE TACTIC TO NUMB YOUR SELF AND REPLACE IT WITH NEW FUNCTIONAL PRESENCE NEEDS TIME)

4) SATISFY YOUR SPIRITUAL NEED , SEARCH AND FIND THE TRUTH ABOUT THE MEANING OF LIFE.

4) PRAY FOR HOLY SPIRIT TO EMPOWER YOUR EFFORTS WITH THE FORCE SURPASSING THE NORMAL( IN CASE YOU UNDERSTAND AND FEEL GODS EXISTENCE WITH NO DOUBTS) OR IF YOU DOUBT THEN JUST IN CASE PRAY TO YOUR potential UNKNOWN CREATOR TO HELP YOU FIND HIM AND CURE YOUR IDENTITY.)

IF YOU READ MY PREVIOUS POST I DESCRIBE WHAT I DID TO AWAKE IN MORE DETAIL.......MY MISTAKE THOUGH AT THAT TIME WAS : UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS DRIVEN OF FEAR-GUILT INSECURITY AND INFERIORITY COMPLEX .

IT WAS ALL ABOUT INEXPERIENCE AND IMPATIENCE FOR FAST RESULTS TO FEEL OK WITH MY SELF....WHILE BIG THINGS BY DEFAULT NEED LOTS OF TIME TO BE ACHIEVED .

I WAS OVER-PRACTICING SENDING MY SELF TO EXHAUSTION AND THEN FEELING DEPRESSED IN AN ALL OR NOTHING MINDSET.

I WAS EXPERIENCING TREMENDOUS RESULTS OF AWAKENING AND REALITY THAT WAS NOT PERMANENT THOUGH....SO I WAS CREATING SOMETHING LIKE MOOD SWINGS AND MILD BIPOLAR TO MY SELF FROM TOP OF EXCITEMENT TO HELL OF DISAPPOINTMENT.. THOUGH THE PRACTICE WAS PERFECT EXCEPT THAT THERE WAS A NEED OF TIME ,TIME AND TIME AND PERSEVERANCE AND PATIENCE, AND NO UNREASONABLE SELF DEFEATING AND SELF REJECTING ATTITUDES .

FEAR-GUILT ? YES FOR  I WAS FALSELY PROJECTING AN UNREASONABLE DEMANDING AND NOT UNDERSTANDING PERSONALITY TO GOD , ACCORDING TO THE NON EMPATHETIC STYLE OF MY EDUCATORS AND PARENTS . - I COULD NOT FIND THE POWER TO PLEASE HIM "fast"- ACCORDING TO MY PARANOID PHOBIAS HE WAS RIGHT TO REJECT ME AND I WAS JUST INADEQUATE AND BAD. .THIS WAS THE ONLY BLACK POINT IN MY COSMOLOGY AND IT WAS MY OWN PARANOID PROJECTION THAT UNCONSCIOUSLY WAS SABOTAGING MY EFFORTS.

NOW some of you are ALREADY AWAKE AND THIS IS MAKING YOU TO FREAK OUT WITH PANIC .

MAYBE THE REASON IS THAT YOU PROBABLY DO NOT HAVE A RELIABLE AND REASONABLE CONTEXT ABOUT THE MEANING OF LIFE AND THE PLACEMENT OF YOUR SELF IN THIS VAST UNIVERSE SO TO FEEL SECURE . BEING FULL AWARE THAT YOU ARE AN ALIVE OBSERVER WHILE YOU COULD NOT EXIST AND FEELING THAT YOU WILL RETURN TO NONEXISTENCE AND THAT THE OTHERS ARE IN A SLEEPY STATE LIKE ZOMBIES CREATES DISTRESSING DREADFUL LONELINESS...HOW TO DEAL WITH SO MANY FAKE PEOPLE THAT THEY DONT EVEN KNOW THAT they are "dead"? AM I EXPOSED IN POTENTIAL DANGERS AS I KNOW NOTHING ESSENTIAL FOR THE EXACT MEANING AND CONTEXT OF MY LIFE AND WHERE TO INVEST AND BUILD MY FUTURE ? ...

SO YOU NEED TO SATISFY YOUR EXISTENTIAL AGONIES , YOUR SPIRITUAL NEEDS.

IS THERE GOD? DOES HE HAVE A PURPOSE FOR PEOPLE AND WILL THERE BE A "HAPPY END" AND RESTORATION OF INJUSTICE AND TO ALL THIS SUFFERING. WHAT IS MY ROLE IN THIS DIVINE PLAN?

IF GOD EXISTS WHY HE PERMITS SUFFERING? IS THERE ANY MEANING IN ALL THESE CRAZY AND FREAKY THINGS HAPPENING?

WHY THE PEOPLE AND THE ORGANIZATIONS THAT CLAIM REPRESENTING GOD ARE MAIN PART OF THE PROBLEM IN EARTH? AND WHAT ABOUT THESE THRILLER MOVIES WITH DEMONS AND ALIENS AND ALL THESE CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND DIFFERENT THEORIES AND CONFLICTING RELIGIONS ? WHAT THE HECK TO BELIEVE?

BE CAREFUL THOUGH . SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH WITHOUT RUMINATIONS AND ISOLATING MONOMANIAC ATTITUDE. PRACTICE BALANCE...AND IF IT IS ABOUT GOD PRAY TO HIM SO TO HELP YOU FIND THE ANSWERS YOU NEED .AND LOOK AFTER THE OTHER ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE THAT NEED ATTENTION TOO...WORK STUDIES RELATIONSHIPS RELAXATION HEALTH ETC. BALANCE. THEM AND GROUND YOUR SELF DO NOT THINK ALL DAY AND DO NOTING ELSE...

I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH WHEN I AWOKE TO HAVE ALL THESE QUESTIONS ALREADY ANSWERED -due to my previous spiritual education from bible-. EVEN IF YOU ARGUE THAT MY FAITH WAS SUBJECTIVE AND NOT NECESSARILY THE TRUTH ,THAT FAITH PROTECTED ME FROM TREMENDOUS EXISTENTIAL-FEAR-AGONY AND MADE THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE OF AWAKENING SELF FULL OF APPRECIATION AWE PIECE LOVE AND GRATITUDE . AT LEAST FOR THE DAYS IT WAS WORKING  AND I WAS NOT PUSHING MY SELF TO BURN OUT.

BECAUSE I WAS LOSING MY SELF AGAIN THOUGH AND FALLING TO DEPRESSION AS I TOLD FOR THE NEXT YEARS UP TO NOW I HAVE QUESTED NUMEROUS TIMES MY SPIRITUAL BELIEVES AND SCRUTINIZE THEM AND CAREFULLY EXAM THEM COMPERING WITH MANY OTHER RELIGIONS AND PHILOSOPHIES OR SCIENCE WITH THE SPIRIT OF A SINCERE STUDENT. AND I DONT HAVE PROBLEM TO DO IT IN THE FUTURE AGAIN WHEN IS NECESSARY . EVERY TIME I DO IT I BECOME MORE SURE AND MY FAITH GROWS MORE AND MORE. IF SOMETHING IS TRUE THEN UNDER THE WORSE ATTACK OF QUESTIONING IT PROVES ITS INTEGRITY AND HIGH FIDELITY. AND IF IT IS NOT THEN IS BETTER TO KNOW IT THAN TO LOSE MY TIME WITH IT.  AND THE RUMINATION IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT BUT GROUNDED BALANCE WITH ALL THE OTHER NEEDS OF OUR LIFE TOO.


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## nikosmar (Apr 21, 2017)

sunflower182 said:


> I literally just made an account to reply to this because I'm 17 and am just now starting to recover after being severely DPDR for a year and a half. (Not long compared to some people on here I know) This information I seems really helpful and I'm definitely gonna start doing this even though I have started to recover already thank God. I think this will speed things along. Thank you!


Hello is nice to hear about your recovery going well....i noticed that you thanked God so you have put the best player in the game to help you , congratulations....Are not the exercises or the information you read that will speed your recovery necessarily BUT LITERALLY HE himself your creator. Invest on HIM ask from him wisdom , discernment so to toss what has no real value as you search and also empowerment POWER BEYOND NORMAL ...get advice from the biggest teacher ever passed from earth who was awakened , ONE , present , loving full of integrity ...AND i mean JESUS CHRIST ...read regularly the gospels which are accounts of his teachings and acts....pray to God to make you aware of his personality AND TO EXPERIENCE IT IN TIME WITH HIS HELP....I HAVE EXPERIENCE IT AND FOR ME IS THE DIAMOND FOR WHICH I WOULD SELL ALL MY BELONGINGS TO OBTAIN IT.

It is not the old self the one we must seek to re-obtain ,the one we lost when dp dr stroke us....that old self could have a sense of integrity compared to the disconnected feelings of unreality DP and DR experiences ..though did not protect us when the "tsunami" stroke because had no deepness and inner completeness .

Be careful some people here are advising to stop ruminating about the meaning of life which is only half true.. Your real present self needs REAL meaning and security to come out in the surface. The answer is in BALANCE . We DON'T REJECT OUR THINKING ABILITY NEITHER DESPISE IT... WE JUST BALANCE IT .There are other things in our daily life that need attention until we find the meaning of life or it will find us. Until then we have to work , to study for school to have relationships ,relaxation and joy to look after our health etc ... we need grounding. IF WE JUST STOP SEARCHING ABOUT THE MEANING OF LIFE and the real self ( with balance) WE MAY ONLY FIND OUR OLD SELF WE LOST NOTHING MORE . This is like if the old self was one that had red glasses attached over the eyes and the redness was all of our life experience and then with depersonalization we started having distortion and double vision and panic because we lost our good red sight.....Though what we really need is an authentic genuine real vision which it has no red filters but renders reality as it is COLORFUL 3 DIMENSIONAL AND FOCUSED AND NO JUST THE OLD "RED SELF". The fingerprint of a meaningful present real self contains SELF-AWARENESS , AWE , FAITH (AWARENESS TRUST AND CONNECTION OF our higher self God) ,PURPOSE , PEACE , EMPATHETIC self sacrificing LOVE AND INTEGRITY.


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## sunflower182 (Apr 29, 2017)

Sorry I just saw this but thank you so much for the reply, it really means a lot to me. I did stop believing in God for a while but since I started healing I have been praying more and regaining my faith. I agree that balance is very important and your messages have honestly helped me more than anything else I've found online. I'm not sure what else to say but thanks very much.


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