# Feeling almost normal



## englishborn (Oct 28, 2011)

Hi there, I posted only a couple of times here over the last year, but thought sharing my ongoing recovery would help some people.

In September 2011 my dp/dr kicked in full time and had been having very short episodes before hand but had no idea what they were. I had DR more than DP but I experienced both quite clearly, I was living alone and retreated back to my parents home in the home of a quick recovery (I am 29). I started talk therapy with some CBT about a month into the DP/DR and was going once a week, I also was put on 20mg of prozac to help lift my mood, I also took fish oils and multivitamins . I am now seeing the therapist once a month and still am on 20mg Prozac, and I feel as I am again getting in control of my life. I still feel the fear of the symptoms and the existential questioning but it has been fading for months now and if I think about it I don't get panicky.

*The cause:*
My therapy has brought to light my very low self esteem and embarrassed at myself in being single for such a long time, it became a vicious cycle where I would not go out to make new friends as I was convinced it was a waste of time, and so isolated myself and had no social fun. This obviously caused my anxiety to kick in along with depression as my mind said "OK this is too much we are going into safety mode"

*What I did:*
I forced myself to join a socializing club in Manchester, I kept myself distracted at all time (kindle and computer games mainly) anything that helped distracted me.
I asked my cousins to force me to go out for pub lunches and walks with them even though I was petrified nothing was real, even them. 
I started looking for a new place to live after 6 months at home in order to give me a project and to force myself to live with strangers and get out of comfort zone. 
I quit drinking and lowered my sugar intake and cut out caffeine 
I tried to do more exercise but found this did not distract me enough 
I kept going to work in order to stop agoraphobia taking over as well and force me to interact with the real world.
I stopped coming onto forums for reassurance, as only I could get me out of this
I started seeing professional help with someone who has seen DP/DR before

*Advice:*
For anyone who has got bad existential questioning I will say this, you do start to question it less as the feelings of unreality fade (even though right now you wont believe that is possible), the feelings of DP/DR will lessen and your fear of being "broken" will also fade as other things in life start to become important again as you stop obsessing about your condition.

*Socialise*, the best way by far to keep in touch with the real world, even if you feel so very detached

*Medication*, personally I don't feel a huge benefit but I do use it as a crutch and helped me feel I was doing something at least.

*Vitimins*, like medication I likely get a placebo from the act of taking them which is very helpful.

*Exercise*, when I did do something fun which was energetic I did feel a tad better.

*Distraction*, vital in my view, it allows the mind a short break from all the worry, and allows it to heal bit by little bit.

*Relax*, stop over reacting to the symptoms, let them come and wash over you, very hard and scary to just let go and feel out of control, but again it allows the brain a break from the horrors

*Get out of your comfort zone*, you cannot get out of this by just retreating into where you feel comfortable as this is likely the opposite place to be...you must move on with your life

*Tell people, talk to people about the condition*, and you will be surprised by how many have an some form of anxiety and are willing to help, do not be ashamed, people may not understand but they will help how they can, even if it is a shoulder to cry on or an ear to wear out.

*Stop reading about it*, if you keep read about DP/DR long after you have understood what is happening to you all you do is remind yourself of it and help keep the Checking In to continue looking for symptoms.

*Where I am now:*
I still question things a few times a day, and sometimes it is easily shrugged off, other times it makes me pause for a couple of seconds before I can continue on, I don't come close to panicking, my thoughts have calmed down but still can obsess what i will tell the therapist from time to time but more about the advances I have made not what went wrong. I am about to start doing a badminton night with a new social club in order to get fitter and feel better about myself in losing weight, this coincides with other small things to raise my self esteem in order to sort out the root cause of this all (you don't just get DP/DR, something has caused the mind to retreat be it a bad trip, something in the past or low self esteem, it isnt a knock on the head or a serious illness).

I still feel a bit fragile but I am improving and the questioning is far less important, I am drinking again and making new friends slowly and have contacted old uni friends nearby who I thought were lost to me and I am not shy to tell people of my story, as I believe you cannot be ashamed of your condition as it is your mind and body telling you something needs to change.

*Guides I use/used*:

Dr Freedman - An expensive but very useful guide with audio CDs and a written guide, helped me understand things much easier. Hammered home the need to continue with my life as normal as I could.

DP Manual - A personal account of someone who had it bad and his journey out of it

http://www.thelindenmethod.co.uk/ - Not specifically designed for DP/DR but was very useful in teaching me about the power of distraction.

I hope this is of some help to people, and I am more than willing to answer any questions


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