# I don't feel my own age in my head



## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

I was just curious if anyone out there is experiencing this same issue. 
I am almost 40 years old but in my head feel like I am in my 20's. It is very hard to explain but I will try. 
I am a mature working women with 4 children but I just don't feel in touch with my body. I don't feel at all my age. I have a complete disconnection when it comes to me feeling like I am controlling my body. When I speak it doesn't even feel like it's me telling myself what to say. It's not that I can't control what I say it just feels like it isn't ME doing the talking. I look at myself in the mirror and I am not sure what I am seeing. I don't see a woman who is 39 years old.. I don't feel connected with that person in the mirror...

If anyone out there has this feeling please let me know.. it is driving me crazy!


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## Guest (Apr 21, 2010)

I've always felt 16 (how old I was when I became DP) even though I'm now 23. Sometimes I even feel younger, like 5. And sometimes I feel really old, like Ancient. It's difficult because I see people my age and they seem their age. But I don't feel my age. I think others with DP/DR are feeling like this too.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Ziggy said:


> I was just curious if anyone out there is experiencing this same issue.
> I am almost 40 years old but in my head feel like I am in my 20's. It is very hard to explain but I will try.
> I am a mature working women with 4 children but I just don't feel in touch with my body. I don't feel at all my age. I have a complete disconnection when it comes to me feeling like I am controlling my body. When I speak it doesn't even feel like it's me telling myself what to say. It's not that I can't control what I say it just feels like it isn't ME doing the talking. I look at myself in the mirror and I am not sure what I am seeing. I don't see a woman who is 39 years old.. I don't feel connected with that person in the mirror...
> 
> If anyone out there has this feeling please let me know.. it is driving me crazy!


Absolutely! I can relate. Because I don't feel like me, I feel like this being inside of someone who is 34 (that is my age), it is like I am wearing a costume. It is very strange. In addition to what you are describing, when I am depersonalized, I feel the whole concept of age is strange in the first place. It is foreign, and therefore anxiety producing in of itself.

Because my depersonalization is related to some anxiety and depression, what is helping me lately is seeing a counselor. I am also doing some yoga, and also taking part in some spiritual activities of a group I am affiliated with. This seems to be helping me. I had a tough run of DP in late March and early April, but I am very grateful I am feeling better these days. Hope this helps!


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## dragonhat (Oct 5, 2009)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> I've always felt 16 (how old I was when I became DP) even though I'm now 23. Sometimes I even feel younger, like 5. And sometimes I feel really old, like Ancient. It's difficult because I see people my age and they seem their age. But I don't feel my age. I think others with DP/DR are feeling like this too.


I still feel like I'm 16 too. I wonder how I'm going to manage a job, a family, and finances when I feel like I have the mental maturity of a teenager.
I feel ancient sometimes too... But I think the people your own age who see you probably think you seem your age as well.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

dragonhat said:


> I still feel like I'm 16 too. I wonder how I'm going to manage a job, a family, and finances when I feel like I have the mental maturity of a teenager.
> I feel ancient sometimes too... But I think the people your own age who see you probably think you seem your age as well.


I think I keep it hidden pretty well because I am able to work and manage a family. It is something that I live with everyday and it feels a little better knowing that other people feel this way as well. It is such a horrible feeling.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

2deepathinker said:


> Absolutely! I can relate. Because I don't feel like me, I feel like this being inside of someone who is 34 (that is my age), it is like I am wearing a costume. It is very strange. In addition to what you are describing, when I am depersonalized, I feel the whole concept of age is strange in the first place. It is foreign, and therefore anxiety producing in of itself.
> 
> Because my depersonalization is related to some anxiety and depression, what is helping me lately is seeing a counselor. I am also doing some yoga, and also taking part in some spiritual activities of a group I am affiliated with. This seems to be helping me. I had a tough run of DP in late March and early April, but I am very grateful I am feeling better these days. Hope this helps!


I find the whole age concept a bit weird as well. I can't imagine myself feeling my age at all. I look at older people and feel like I will never get that way. It does cause major anxiety. I wish I had the time for Yoga and other spiritual activities. I do work out a little bit which helps me get rid of some frustration. Thank you so much for your response. It truly does make me feel better knowing I'm not alone in this feeling.


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## flipwilson (Aug 19, 2006)

I have always complained even before Dp at 26 (im 29 almost 30 now) that I have felt perpetually 14. Once i started researching Dp though and read numerous articles on trauma and brain development this is actually a common thing. It is theorized that many people who have a troubling adolescence, ie: trauma, bullying, parents fighting, repression or just a general introverted predisposition, have brains that didn't mature beyond a certain point of functioning and growth emotionally. OR that they are stuck in a certain moment of that childhood and that with therapy and the right moves you can become mature emotionally and internally like you were meant to.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

flipwilson said:


> I have always complained even before Dp at 26 (im 29 almost 30 now) that I have felt perpetually 14. Once i started researching Dp though and read numerous articles on trauma and brain development this is actually a common thing. It is theorized that many people who have a troubling adolescence, ie: trauma, bullying, parents fighting, repression or just a general introverted predisposition, have brains that didn't mature beyond a certain point of functioning and growth emotionally. OR that they are stuck in a certain moment of that childhood and that with therapy and the right moves you can become mature emotionally and internally like you were meant to.


That is very interesting information. I am in therapy now and that goes along with what the therapist said about why I feel this way. I just felt so abnormal. So alone int he way that I feel. 
Have you been able to make any progress feeling your age?


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## dragonhat (Oct 5, 2009)

I think I exaggerated a bit when I said I still feel 16.

I know I've matured a lot since then, but I definitely don't feel 24. I feel like for every 2 or 3 years my body ages, my mind ages one year.

I'm trying to think of this as a good thing. I don't want to be like most adults, content in their boring lives of wake up, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed type lives.

I'd enjoy being content with my life, but at the same time I like feeling young and pissed off at the world.

Also, even though sometimes I still feel like a teenager, it becomes really clear to me at other times that I'm not. I started tutoring math recently, and a couple of my students are high schoolers. When I'm with them, I realize how much older I am, and I sit there and think "Did I really use to be as stupid and immature as this kid?".


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## codeblue213 (Feb 15, 2010)

I think it is quite normal what you are feeling. You just still feel young! Nothing wrong with that. I've always felt like I'm still 20. I'm not immature like I was then, but I still do the same things I did back then. I also see people my age as persons who have just conformed to being old because that's what most people do. I'm about 40 and I don't care to act typical of my age. Also, I'm lucky, most people think I look 25 anyway. So, again I don't think it's strange what you are experiencing.


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## flipwilson (Aug 19, 2006)

Ziggy said:


> That is very interesting information. I am in therapy now and that goes along with what the therapist said about why I feel this way. I just felt so abnormal. So alone int he way that I feel.
> Have you been able to make any progress feeling your age?


 I do feel wiser and like dragonhat mentioned i feel my age when around young people and I'm actually pretty good at mentoring the teenagers I know. But then there are moments where I just regress to this behavior of my youth, like the social anxiety, or feeling inferior to 'jocks' even though I'm 11 years removed from high school. Sometimes really feeling out of place in 'adult' environments like nice lounges/clubs, posh restaurants, or caring about adult things like money and career. The most confident and connected to my age I felt was when i turned 26 I just felt amazing for 3 months leading up to that birthday and a month after it. I was so confident and was making all these 'adult' plans and then boom i smoke a fucking joint and it feels like it was all erased. I can't get in touch with that part of me now, which kills me cause it took forever to get there and not feel 14. Now since Dp I feel 14 still and even more dysfunctional.


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

dragonhat said:


> I still feel like I'm 16 too. I wonder how I'm going to manage a job, a family, and finances when I feel like I have the mental maturity of a teenager.
> I feel ancient sometimes too... But I think the people your own age who see you probably think you seem your age as well.


I feel the same way too. People expect for too much and I feel like I'm only 15,16. I'm stuck on this age. And I also look like I'm 15. Sometimes people don't believe me when I say I'm 23, they think I'm just kidding.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

dragonhat said:


> I think I exaggerated a bit when I said I still feel 16.
> 
> I know I've matured a lot since then, but I definitely don't feel 24. I feel like for every 2 or 3 years my body ages, my mind ages one year.
> 
> ...


My oldest son is 15 and when I look at him sometimes it just doesn't feel real that I have a son that old. I feel like I could be his friend instead of his mother. I definitely do not look my age but I feel like if I felt my age it would connect the pieces for me. 
It is pretty hard not to get into the routine of life with waking up, going to work and doing the things that need to be done but I totally understand where you are coming from with that. It feels like there should be more to life than having that routine.

I said that I feel like I am in my 20's but at times I also feel even younger than that. It is the complete diconnect with my body and speech that freaks me out. Like I am not the one that is controlling my movements or the words coming out of my mouth. Not that I say or do things that I can't control it just doesn't feel like me doing that. Do you experience that at all?


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

EverDream said:


> I feel the same way too. People expect for too much and I feel like I'm only 15,16. I'm stuck on this age. And I also look like I'm 15. Sometimes people don't believe me when I say I'm 23, they think I'm just kidding.


You will appreciate looking younger than you are when you get older. I am going to be 40 this year and people think I am in my early 30's. I love that I look younger I just wish my brain would feel older!


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

EverDream said:


> I feel the same way too. People expect for too much and I feel like I'm only 15,16. I'm stuck on this age. And I also look like I'm 15. Sometimes people don't believe me when I say I'm 23, they think I'm just kidding.


I see you are from Israel. My parents are Israeli and I have a lot of family there. Where in Israel are you from?


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

Ziggy said:


> I see you are from Israel. My parents are Israeli and I have a lot of family there. Where in Israel are you from?


I'm living in middle-south of Israel, an hour drive from Tel Aviv.


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## welcomeoblivion (Mar 29, 2010)

I kind of understand this feeling. I'm sure not completely, because I only just turned 20 in February so I'm obviously still young, but it depressed me a lot to turn 20 this year. I don't feel it...I definitely feel like I should be 16 or 17. I think it's because I really started suffering from depression at 16/17 and feel like I somehow missed out on some things because of it, that in my mind I should have experienced, or something like that. I dropped out of school and went through periods where I was withdrawn and couldn't be around my friends and I guess it still hurts me sometimes to think that there were times where my friends and other people were out having fun and partying and I wouldn't come because I was in such a bad state of mind, and that so many other people did high school properly and didn't feel the way I did. I guess I wish sometimes that I could go back a few years and redo them so that they weren't as bad as they were in my mind, but I guess 20 is still really young and I still have a lot of youthful years ahead of me. I just sometimes don't feel like I should be 20, or feel like I should have accomplished certain things already. I get afraid that I might never really feel my age or always just feel inadequate, but maybe it's actually just in my head.

My mom is turning 44 this year and she still doesn't look or feel her age, and she's okay with it. She even dresses like she's younger and people always think she's my sister. I guess age is just really a number and sometimes we feel like we need to live up to the expectations that go with it, and maybe that's wrong. Maybe we should just live how we feel and are happy living as. So maybe you're okay and have nothing to worry about as long as you're not doing anything that will fundamentally harm yourself or set you back.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

coralation said:


> I kind of understand this feeling. I'm sure not completely, because I only just turned 20 in February so I'm obviously still young, but it depressed me a lot to turn 20 this year. I don't feel it...I definitely feel like I should be 16 or 17. I think it's because I really started suffering from depression at 16/17 and feel like I somehow missed out on some things because of it, that in my mind I should have experienced, or something like that. I dropped out of school and went through periods where I was withdrawn and couldn't be around my friends and I guess it still hurts me sometimes to think that there were times where my friends and other people were out having fun and partying and I wouldn't come because I was in such a bad state of mind, and that so many other people did high school properly and didn't feel the way I did. I guess I wish sometimes that I could go back a few years and redo them so that they weren't as bad as they were in my mind, but I guess 20 is still really young and I still have a lot of youthful years ahead of me. I just sometimes don't feel like I should be 20, or feel like I should have accomplished certain things already. I get afraid that I might never really feel my age or always just feel inadequate, but maybe it's actually just in my head.
> 
> My mom is turning 44 this year and she still doesn't look or feel her age, and she's okay with it. She even dresses like she's younger and people always think she's my sister. I guess age is just really a number and sometimes we feel like we need to live up to the expectations that go with it, and maybe that's wrong. Maybe we should just live how we feel and are happy living as. So maybe you're okay and have nothing to worry about as long as you're not doing anything that will fundamentally harm yourself or set you back.


You are still so young and have many years to catch up to yourself or feel adequate. Don't rush to feel that. I hope that your depression gets better. 
Thanks for telling me about your mom. I'm sure that must make her feel great getting a complaint like that. People thinking she is your sister! I feel like I haven't developed into a 40 year old mind... hard to explain.


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## chippy! (Mar 20, 2010)

I'm the same, I'm 20 but i still feel about 5 or more years younger. The thought of moving out, getting a job, starting a family scares me and it feels like it's never going to happen becasue it's so far in the future. But I have to remind myself that I can't act like a teenager anymore, I need to grow up and take more responsability. I don't want to become any older now. I didn't really want to turn 20!


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## m&m (Mar 8, 2010)

Ziggy said:


> I was just curious if anyone out there is experiencing this same issue.
> I am almost 40 years old but in my head feel like I am in my 20's. It is very hard to explain but I will try.
> I am a mature working women with 4 children but I just don't feel in touch with my body. I don't feel at all my age. I have a complete disconnection when it comes to me feeling like I am controlling my body. When I speak it doesn't even feel like it's me telling myself what to say. It's not that I can't control what I say it just feels like it isn't ME doing the talking. I look at myself in the mirror and I am not sure what I am seeing. I don't see a woman who is 39 years old.. I don't feel connected with that person in the mirror...
> 
> If anyone out there has this feeling please let me know.. it is driving me crazy!


that fits how I feel. I even had a friend tell me once that while I was the same age as his father, I didn't act like I was as old. also feel more comfortable around younger people.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

chippy! said:


> I'm the same, I'm 20 but i still feel about 5 or more years younger. The thought of moving out, getting a job, starting a family scares me and it feels like it's never going to happen becasue it's so far in the future. But I have to remind myself that I can't act like a teenager anymore, I need to grow up and take more responsability. I don't want to become any older now. I didn't really want to turn 20!


Hi Chippy,

Time goes by so fast! I remember your age and I couldn't wait to be 21 just so I could go out and drink legally. Once I hit 21 one though the years just flew by! I can't believe that I will be 40 the year... I feel like I am your age in my head... It is scary but just try to enjoy your life, enjoy everyday and try to make the best decisions for yourself.


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## MissMoon (Apr 29, 2010)

I don't feel my age either... I'm 22 but I feel like I'm really really old, as if I've already lived a thousand lifetimes.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

I read/heard somewhere that the personality you have around 20-25 is the personality you are going to have for the rest of your life. I think it has something to do with the fact that the brain stops the initial development that has been ongoing from birth at that time. But I belive that we can always change and choose for ourselves who we want to be.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

MissMoon said:


> I don't feel my age either... I'm 22 but I feel like I'm really really old, as if I've already lived a thousand lifetimes.


What are your symptoms??


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## hurricane12 (May 22, 2008)

ever since i had dp i feel like im 17 which is the age i got it and now im 20
i feel like i literally skipped 3 years of my life.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

hurricane12 said:


> ever since i had dp i feel like im 17 which is the age i got it and now im 20
> i feel like i literally skipped 3 years of my life.


Had it for almost a year and I feel the same way as you do, except that I've only skipped one. This really scares me aswell, since I'm affraid of death, this means I'm wasting my life


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## hidingme (Jun 6, 2010)

oh my gosh..
this almost sond like me,

in februry i start "feelin lil" wen i reely stress and anxity bad bad.

(sory i feel lil now so i type lil)
i am 33 and i kno i am big. 
i have G.A.D. and on meds but run out of them all ..gonna go dr friday..

but when i feel little lik i do now.. i feellike i be about 6 yrs old.
iwach cartoons alot and snuggl with blankets and my teddy bear. my husben is realy understanding.

some thin else i think mayb adds to me feelin litle is that i was emotionally abused badly for 8 and half yrs in my 1st marrige. he mad me beleev i was bad and always wrong and i was severeely depresed and suicidal idealizations too.
been long long time snce with him about 6 yrs ago i left him.. but the EA haunt me and i still beleeve i deserve nothin good.

ialso think tat sinc i was emotional abusd when i was 19-27 that it maks feeling little feels safer for me,i think i gots ptsd from that 1st mariage.

does anyon feel like me?

am i welcom to be here and is it saf for me to be here evn if i feel litle?

i scard *hide*


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey I can totally relate to the whole age thing feeling weird. I am 22 but in my head I feel like I'm 12 sometimes. Other times I feel older and more mature at heart.


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## hidingme (Jun 6, 2010)

hi surfin ty so much for replyin heer. it helps soo much to no maybe i am not only one and tat may me feelin litle *today i fels about 5-6* is jus part of DP.
thanks you


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