# "Reality is what you feel"



## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

This is an old thread I printed out from the DP board before it crashed. It has helped me a lot. Enjoy!

(btw if you don't see your reply here I left some out as my fingers would explode if I put them all in!)

Topic: Reality is what you feel....Jan 5 2004

Posted by Des:
Without describing the whole story of my life I would like to share the remedy I found for myself.
DP/DR is the result of too much analysis. In order to overcome these feelings you have to become very, very impulsive. Speak and act from your heart. If you feel angry with someone say it, if you feel happy, love or whatever, just say, do it.

Seriously, I suffered 12 years from Chronic DP/DR, was on prescriptive drugs, once I realized that the periods of DP suddenly decreased were on the moments I spontaneously (NOT PLANNED) expressed my feelings, I started to cure. I was living a life I constructed in my mind because I was too scared to do some things, to say things you mean...

It's like creating your own film, writing the script, analyzing the other characters and acting your role. Once you have the guts to start being yourself (it's as easy as that) and start living your own wonderful life (scary but beautiful) DP will diminish and over time disappear.

I wonder why it took me 12 bloody years to figure this out...

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Posted by Gizmo:

That makes a lot of sense to me. Except for people who are very close, like my family, I always rehearse what I am going to say to someone because I am afraid of saying the wrong thing. I also replay over and over what I did say after I said it and analyze it to see if I said it right.

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Posted by Des:

Living in Holland where diplomacy is very much valued I must say that it was very, very hard to stop "method acting" and start living....

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Posted by nanilove1:

Actually, this makes sense to me also. I have always been one to hold in my feelings and try to make sure everyone was having a good time. I was not allowed to get angry. I have always been a really mellow person to those that see me outside of my own family. And when I would get mad with my family, they would say "mommy's just going crazy". It's like everyone expects me to be happy. I am learning that I need to release my anger, otherwise I turn it inward. I am human and that energy needs to go somewhere. I am also one to over -analyze everything. I just need to 'chill' and relax.

Thank you for your story and I am so happy that you have found your self, that is beautiful.

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Posted by pkang:

Hi there, 
I agree 100% with you. To be honest this is the exact theory that has been in my head lately. Analysis builds on analysis and before you know it you feel like you're going insane.

Over analysis stems from being insecure about yourself, IMO.

Here's to spontaneity!

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Posted by Des:

In addition to my earlier post - as a lot of people are writing about meds.

Medication can get some relief, but it won't cure anyone as we are not ill!

My 'theory' on DP/DR is a simple one- we stopped living' we do not try to live by our heart but with our minds.

We all stopped listening to our feelings (and everyone has their own reason) we simply started to ignore them (parts of them). The more feelings you ignore- the more dp/dr'd you feel. Yes, indeed, we actually turned ourselves into a robot- we are functioning instead of living. It takes a lot of courage to actually be the one we are.

They only remedy IMO is to get back to your core- that's who YOU are, a unique person. Listen to your heart- stop acting' listen to what your feelings tell you and simply BE. Try to stop thinking and acting: speak, express you emotions, tell what happened, what made you anxious or depressed, try to figure out why you started to ignore you feelings - instead of what triggered your dp/dr. And if you are scared of going insane- well if that would happen you will find instant relief from DP, as you will not realize it anymore! ;-). But it won't happen!

You will face a lot of scary stuff- but in the end waits repersonalization.

And to conclude:

To find your own way is to follow your own bliss- Joseph Campbell
One does not 'find oneself' by pursuing one's self, but on the contrary by pursuing something else and learning through some discipline or routine (even the routine of making beds) who one is. -Mary Sarton


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## Guest (Sep 4, 2004)

i love this thread. 
thank you for sharing it again. 
(because i've never seen it)

spontenaiety, real spontenaiety without control of self or situation, was and is the most truly frightening thing for me to attempt.

for so long i was ashamed of my real thoughts, feelings and behaviors. in addition, a genuine self was repressed (as i suspect would be the case in most people), especially since i found my genuine self to be unacceptable and constantly monitored and criticized in my environment.

so early feelings of helplessness, shame or unacceptablility lead me to turn inward analytically. too often i asked "what is 'wrong' with me!" when it became apparent later that just to see as in, just say "hello" to the nature of mind and feelings and let them be as they are would lead away from anything being wrong with them at all.

but as we have socially and family sanctioned behavior and adaptations from childhood, sigh... what can you do but wake up at some later, older date and begin to be natural again (which at this point, may not even have a recognizable criterion outside of simply letting everything arise as it is).

i've found that self-analysis also sends the message that what you feel and how you act is not "ok" and implies that it in some way needs to be intellectualized in order to be acceptable. i think this is a very old habit in psychology and psychiatry, one that allows those fields to exist, even. it would seem so odd that human behavior could be so similar the world over and yet the social agendas behind their methodologies could categorize and term a whole range of it as abnormal or pathology.

to me, they are simply the result of what has happened! what do you want?? how do you label that? so it seems we are twice removed from reality, which, i agree/feel is right there all the time, not being allowed.

i only am recently able to appreciate that wonderful quote about pursuits outside of "self"... when i found that my "self" became a kind of mirror against a mirror, a recursive loop (? i think that's what i mean). it needed to be outside of itself in order to feel "real".

i agree that self doesn't need pursuing. i feel that they most often only acknowledgement "hello, mind" "hello, feelings" and making compassionate friends with your feelings and thoughts, allows you to be honest, vibrant and able to live. it's scary and exciting. i'm guessing that though it doesn't always produce the results you thought you wanted, but could lead you naturally to where you will most likely be satisfied, maybe?

one day i went to see a therapist whom someone told me was "really good". i was so pissed when she said "there is nothing wrong with you, and i'm going to have to teach you to accept that." i just thought "that woman is out of her mind! no one takes me seriously". i wanted her to "fix" me :/

blah! 
thanks


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## Guest (Sep 24, 2004)

I agree so much, thank you for sharing this, digging it out from the past.
I was not a member on the old board so des' post is new to me.

I was just arguing with my mother today that freud and all the psychology is so much bullshit in principle, and I was so angry I thought I become psychotic. I must add here that I have had some very bad experiences with psychologists so I do have a personal reason for opposing the establishment also.

I am just glad that I did not go mad (I just fear I do when the stress is too much to handle) so that I could find this post here. Cool.


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## Guest (Sep 24, 2004)

I agree so much, thank you for sharing this, digging it out from the past.
I was not a member on the old board so des' post is new to me.

I was just arguing with my mother today that freud and all the psychology is so much bullshit in principle, and I was so angry I thought I become psychotic. I must add here that I have had some very bad experiences with psychologists so I do have a personal reason for opposing the establishment also.

I am just glad that I did not go mad (I just fear I do when the stress is too much to handle) so that I could find this post here. Cool.


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## Guest (Nov 27, 2004)

I said:


> I agree so much, thank you for sharing this, digging it out from the past.
> I was not a member on the old board so des' post is new to me.
> 
> I was just arguing with my mother today that freud and all the psychology is so much bullshit in principle, and I was so angry I thought I become psychotic. I must add here that I have had some very bad experiences with psychologists so I do have a personal reason for opposing the establishment also.
> ...


I DID GO MAD, what the hell is going on, is Janine DEAF.

This ISN'T FAIR, DAMMIT.

I think,

That controlling parents control you by BUNGING up your emotions... even if THEY cause em'.

My Mum, and all control freaks I know TRIGGER YOUR BLEEPIN' EMOTIONS all day, putting you in situations where it's TOO RUDE & TOO ANTI-SOCIAL to react.

My emotions are a bunged up mess from hell. Completely DISCONNECTED from my head. And voice. No "flow". It WASN'T BLEEPIN' ALLOWED, FOR FRICKS SAKE! My Mum "controls" alot of people through bunged up emotions, everytime they see Her they get bunged up, and then their head overloads into... COMPLIENCE. I'm astounded at how GODDAMN connected to emotions everyone is... they just FLOW the bastards out. My emotional reactions have hardly any correlation to reality... It's fucked.

Oh Lord... I'm swearing too much...

My emotional repression BLEEPIN kills me to death... so many situations where I cant be connected.
Damn life.


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## hurley (May 16, 2006)

I agree with the original poster. The other day my sister annoyed me with her dappy, stupid ways and took something the wrong way like she always does....so I shouted out 'oh shut up you you sensitive slag'....sounds very harsh but I was in the moment, I was angry and it felt good. I then realised that and the old awareness kicked in again, question: If you have moments of feeling real again like the one I described, my immediate reaction, almost involuntary is to notice it and all the depression kicks in again, how can these little miliseconds of reality kick in and start connecting for someone to become whole again when you notice them straight away and the cycle continues?


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## Eric8 (Jun 30, 2006)

hurley said:


> I agree with the original poster. The other day my sister annoyed me with her dappy, stupid ways and took something the wrong way like she always does....so I shouted out 'oh shut up you you sensitive slag'....sounds very harsh but I was in the moment, I was angry and it felt good. I then realised that and the old awareness kicked in again, question: If you have moments of feeling real again like the one I described, my immediate reaction, almost involuntary is to notice it and all the depression kicks in again, how can these little miliseconds of reality kick in and start connecting for someone to become whole again when you notice them straight away and the cycle continues?


Assuming your DP came from fear and not some problem youre avoiding...

You have to forget about the whole concept of DP to really get over it. As long as theres fear and questioning youre never going to get better. It doesn't go away right away, it takes time for your body to de-sensitize itself, which basically means that whenever you feel fear in the near future you'll react very sensitively to it and it will bring on panic and feelings of unreality.

So basically youre on the right track, but until you realize that fear of the way you feel (or something else) is what's driving your condition you won't get better. Stop worrying about it, get rid of the fear and eventually your body will come around and youll have normal emotions again all the time, only left with the memory of how unreal you felt and how stupid you were for fearing your own thoughts.


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## hurley (May 16, 2006)

> Assuming your DP came from fear and not some problem youre avoiding...
> 
> You have to forget about the whole concept of DP to really get over it. As long as theres fear and questioning youre never going to get better. It doesn't go away right away, it takes time for your body to de-sensitize itself, which basically means that whenever you feel fear in the near future you'll react very sensitively to it and it will bring on panic and feelings of unreality.
> 
> So basically youre on the right track, but until you realize that fear of the way you feel (or something else) is what's driving your condition you won't get better. Stop worrying about it, get rid of the fear and eventually your body will come around and youll have normal emotions again all the time, only left with the memory of how unreal you felt and how stupid you were for fearing your own thoughts.


Cheers.


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## Tab (May 2, 2006)

This sort of thing is reassuring, because every "solution" that I have seen so far is built around the same conclusion that I came to independently. This advice aligns with my experience.


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