# Feeling like i will forget myself and how to live...



## JayB (Apr 6, 2015)

Since Monday i have an acute feeling that i really am forgetting who I am, who i was and the way humans live on this planet. I understand logically how everything works and i somehow can live my life knowing what i have to do, but it feels like i'm just doing things instinctively. Everytime i have a thought that looks like ''are you sure things are the same as before'', i have the feeling that i'm being tricked into thinking that everything is fine and normal (everything is probably fine though) I've just watched a video yesterday of my friends and I in high school and i just can't relate to what I see. I know it's me and my friends, but it all feel weird and like i was not really there. It's like i don't remember my friends/humans looking this way and that i once was there with them, feeling completely connected to my environment and the present. I feel like i'm just an alien from another planet/dimension pretending to be human the best he can. All my memories are there (i have a pretty good and accurate memory) but it's like i can't trust them, my brain won't accept and assimilate them. This adds to the feeling that i just don't understand the human mind anymore. Like...images and words (immaterial things) spawning from a grey organ (material thing) inside of me? How the hell do i do that and how is it possible. I don't even remember having an inner voice before dp and now it's the only thing i have. An alien monologue, a constant chattering that i can't even relate too (except for some good days), that i'm just observing and being afraid of.

Sorry for the negativity guys but i just needed to vent a bit. I had a very good week with a strong sense of self and familiarity and now it feels so bad. I can't wait to feel simple things like I used to like the excitation of summer vacations, holidays, partying, loving and more.. I know you understand, that's why i'm writing here. Thanks.


----------



## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

Sounds horrible. I had some of those horrors, fears that the psychs are all very wrong, fear about being a sentient bag of meat, fear about my universe serving as energy for an alien scientist's car battery.

These thoughts aren't going to get you anywhere. They are alarming and emotionally harmful for a reason. Take the signal and try to go down a recovery path, rather than a Descartes path.


----------



## Saschasascha (Dec 17, 2015)

I guess, for lots of DPDlers OCD is the main problem and even if you don't have OCD the main problem is the constant obsession. It's as if you drive a car and suddenly you start thinking about how things actually work and then you can't do it anymore. I believe that by obsessing too much the brain becomes wired to obsessive thinking and loopy brain circuits and the actual emotional experience and the automatic process are going haywire ( I hope you understand what I mean, IM' from germany, so my english isnt' the best  ) and your automatic brain responses don't function properly anymore.


----------



## Sportsdude8 (Apr 25, 2015)

I feel the same way. That I am just use instinct to live. I also have good memory about past events. I just am not able to concentrate which makes it hard for me to rememeber things with ease like before but I am aware of my memories. I also had head pressure but that subsided a lot.. And my vision is weird as well. I understand that part about u don't know what life is anymore. My days are a blur and I just live life without much meaning although I try to continue my life as if I am fine. I also have a had "good weeks" and later horrible weeks where I feel like I am never get better.. But I have Learned through all this that positivity and belief along with time has helped. This is a roller coaster of up and downs. So I know it's hard but try to forget about how u feel and try to focus ur attention on socializing and exercise or a good book. Overtime I've noticed that I am not even aware of dp and makes me feel that in time I will be recovered


----------



## Ezio (Nov 24, 2015)

It's a common feeling with dp


----------



## Candyapples6 (Feb 14, 2016)

I felt this exact way today. I want to share my dpdr experience with you because it sounds very similar to what you are experiencing and it may be helpful to realize others have this exact feeling too. I find myself questioning alot. I actually feel more aware/alive since my dpdr started 7 months ago. What I mean is I don't exactly understand how others can not feel the same way I do ( questioning how and why we are here, reality, the universe... There is no answer to any of these things). I suppose those thoughts do not bother them at all. I feel like I wasn't really as aware/alive before this all started.. Like I was just the same as everyone else .. Completely oblivious to the absolute weirdness of existence. Like I was just so mindless and unaware before now. I have a hard time connecting with people anymore because I know they don't think like me and they are so unaware of what reality is and existence and how impossible it seems. I worry about discussing dpdr symptoms with non dpdr sufferers for fear it will also make them have dpdr if the start thinking deeply like I do. It can be a lonely, scary feeling. My memories seem unreal I worry that wasn't me and it is weird looking at old photos I feel I'm so much more aware now and was my even aware at all before and it scares me. It's like I broke out of my own mind somehow and I can think for myself now and all of a sudden nothing around me makes any real sense.

I understand what you are going through and you are not alone!


----------



## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

You won't.


----------



## JayB (Apr 6, 2015)

Thank you all, very appreciated.

I've returned to my default level of dp, i feel more ''normal". It's so weird how just thinking about dp alter your perceptions of everything. I can feel 99% recovered when i'm playing a video game then all of a sudden i'm thinking ''hey, I was not feeling strange at all for the past 20 min'' and i'm back into it again. ''Wow, i'm talking to myself right now'', ''The sky looks weird outside'', ''Ears are such a weird body part''...Exhausting. And it's not just thoughts, there is a real feeling of oddness coming with them. I agree that dp is mostly obsessions. I need to keep in mind that everything is the same as before and just chill out.


----------

