# Mania



## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

This is going to sound like a stupid question: But what is mania?

On and off for the last four months I have been experiencing this feeling that I have been describing as mania, but i'm starting to think thats not accurate. I've learned in abnormal psych classes that mania is a state of euphoria, racing thoughts, etc. I certainly get racing thoughts some times but the best way to describe this feeling is: I feel obnoxious.

You know that feeling you get when you haven't gotten enough sleep and you are so over tired, you just become stupid and annoy other people around you who aren't in the same mood as you? I'm getting this all the time. It's not euphoric at all though, in fact its quite uncomfortable - mostly when I get like that I just want to act normal. I have always used humor and 'being stupid' as a defense mechanism and I think I am just overanalyzing it. Perhaps its just the tranquilizers make me tired which puts me into that mood.

Anyways, if anyone here is bipolar: is mania always euphoric? Are you really aware of when you are manic?


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

my grandfather was diagnosed with bipolar. I understand a manic episode to be something that includes not feeling tired, feeling on top of the world like you can do anything, and basically being hyperactive all the time. My grandfather at his worst went on a shopping spree and spent thousands of dollars on electrical equipment that he had no need for. i don't think people are aware that they are going through a manic episode when it happens they just feel so good that it basically takes them over. i'm having the opposite problem, i am feeling extremely tired. For any of you dpers out there, i would not recommend going out and getting completely wasted on alcohol. Next day = no fun at all. I thought i was going to die today. literally. hoping tomorrow it will at least resume its normal shittiness as opposed to the extreme shittiness that followed after last night. I can't really relate to what your going through matt, sorry i can't be of more help on this one, but as always it could just be that you are overanalyzing like we all do. Can you describe how it makes you feel a little better?


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Yeah, I don't think its mania - i'm certainly not bipolar, I know that. I'm just wondering if i'm experiencing the symptom of mania at all or if i'm way off base. I think i'm off base.

It's not a big deal, im not really that worried about it. I just feel like I haven't slept in a couple nights and i'm beyond the point of being tired despite the fact that I get 8 hours of sleep every night. I think its just the stupid Benzos making me tired and thus mimicking the overtired symptoms.

Thanks for the input, when you describe mania I think its pretty clear its not what I have.

I know the day after alcohol feeling, its why ive given up alcohol for now.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

yeah man i nap more than i ever have because of the benzos. Somewhere between 3-5 if i'm not doing anything i just go to sleep. it doesn't really accomplish much but it's still pretty nice. So when you say you've given up alcohol for now, just out of curiosity, how long has it been since you've had a single drink? I keep getting hell bent on quitting for a long time to see if that is the root of my problem but i don't think i've made it past 3 days in a row without taking at least one drink.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Garjon said:


> yeah man i nap more than i ever have because of the benzos. Somewhere between 3-5 if i'm not doing anything i just go to sleep. it doesn't really accomplish much but it's still pretty nice. So when you say you've given up alcohol for now, just out of curiosity, how long has it been since you've had a single drink? I keep getting hell bent on quitting for a long time to see if that is the root of my problem but i don't think i've made it past 3 days in a row without taking at least one drink.


I'm no saint with it - I constantly get guilted into having 'just one drink'. I don't tell everyone about my issues - only my inner circle of friends/family, and I haven't worked up the courage to tell everyone i'm quitting drinking so I find myself making up an endless string of excuses not to be drinking. Which always ends up in "I understand that, but you can have ONE drink right?".

Sometimes I can say no, sometimes I have one drink. I haven't had more than 1-2 drinks in a night in a couple months. In that time on about 5 occasions i've had 1-2 drinks in a night.

I haven't really enjoyed alcohol for a while anyways even while drinking it so its not too difficult for me other than the social pressure.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Matt210 said:


> This is going to sound like a stupid question: But what is mania?
> 
> On and off for the last four months I have been experiencing this feeling that I have been describing as mania, but i'm starting to think thats not accurate. I've learned in abnormal psych classes that mania is a state of euphoria, racing thoughts, etc. I certainly get racing thoughts some times but the best way to describe this feeling is: I feel obnoxious.
> 
> ...


Hi Matt. I think I'm experiencing the same thing. It's like I suddenly have all this energy, but it's not the good type, and my thoughts race and I get goofy and say stuff to be funny or something, and I end up saying things I wouldn't normally say.
I just can't calm down. I have been thinking it's happening when my anxiety levels and Dp decreases, it's like the mental state between Dp and reality for me. It started to happen after being on benzo's for a couple of months, so maybe it's only a sideeffect from the meds.


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## konstantine02 (Mar 12, 2009)

When my DP/DR was at it's worst for the past couple of months, I felt "manic," but I, too, had the same question. When I went to the loony bin, they just said it was all the DP/racing thoughts/brain wanting a break, but not able to/anxiety. Literally, when I went into the psych ward some of the patients gave me the nickname of "bing bing rabbit" because I couldn't sit still and was tweaking out or something. Haha. It's funny now that I look at it and I'm much more relaxed/shit ton less DPed/not freaking out.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

thats still a really good track record though matt. How much did you used to drink? i was a pretty severe alcoholic for about 4 years and by that i mean i drank probably a six pack or more every day with very few exceptions. I just want to have some kind of hope that this shit is caused by something and if i eliminate it from the equation, maybe i'll get better, but i feel like i've tried everything, i quit my job, moved out of my apartment and all that has done for me is make me feel like an inadequate child. i'm living with my parents again, afraid to try to get work, and already thinking of excuses on why i can't go on this road trip next week so that i won't have to deal with it. I still go out a lot, or at least more than it seems like a lot of people do, but i just want this shit to end. I want to feel like just doing the simplest thing is going to feel normal and enjoyable again. Sorry i just started venting but today is turning a bit sour. I keep holding on to the hope that this will just end at some point and it keeps glaring right back at me saying, "fat chance".


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

It can take forever to heal, but it will happen. You've just got to work on stringing a few good days together - the road to getting better will be choppy and full of highs and lows but it all starts with realizing you are making some progress. I am making progress at a painfully slow pace but i'm getting there. Go on your road trip, I think it will be fun for you. Get determined not to let DP/DR ruin it for you.

As for drinking, I go through phases of it. I have a really addictive personality so sometimes I go through heavier periods of drinking - where I would for sure drink (and often heavily) on both Friday and Saturday and then lesser amounts during the week. I've never been at the 6 beers a night stage but i'm a small guy with a low tolerance to alcohol - 6 beers for night would just about kill me. But this is not the first time my drinking has slowed - this time I am making a conscious effort to eliminate it as much as possible though.


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## Guest (May 1, 2009)

Mania is certainly not always pleasant. Sometimes it's unbearable... the anxiety and racing thoughts that can acompany it can be unbearable...You can't sit still but you're too agitated to do anything constructive....you can be snappy with people, way to over talkative... The worst I find is that when it's bad everything is like closing in on you and over bearing, sound is amplified and like it's inside your head and every sound makes you jumpy...sounds start to sound real weird..also your thoughts are so clear, loud and lucid and that's kinda pleasant to a degree but it gets too intense.., it's like you're hairs are standing on end and every nerve in your body is hyper alert and you're heart is constantly racing, your body is shaking with adrenaline..good or badly.....at worst it feels like your mind is gonna fly out through the top of your head.........I have rapid cycling moods and thankfully don't get the above too often...it starts off great, it feels great but it always gets way to intense to bear....Enough valium can bring it down to a nice level again but not necessarily...then there's the paranoia-that's a whole other ball game and its hellish..


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Spirit said:


> Mania is certainly not always pleasant. Sometimes it's unbearable... the anxiety and racing thoughts that can acompany it can be unbearable...You can't sit still but you're too agitated to do anything constructive....you can be snappy with people, way to over talkative... The worst I find is that when it's bad everything is like closing in on you and over bearing, sound is amplified and like it's inside your head and every sound makes you jumpy...sounds start to sound real weird..also your thoughts are so clear, loud and lucid and that's kinda pleasant to a degree but it gets too intense.., it's like you're hairs are standing on end and every nerve in your body is hyper alert and you're heart is constantly racing, your body is shaking with adrenaline..good or badly.....at worst it feels like your mind is gonna fly out through the top of your head.........I have rapid cycling moods and thankfully don't get the above too often...it starts off great, it feels great but it always gets way to intense to bear....Enough valium can bring it down to a nice level again but not necessarily...then there's the paranoia-that's a whole other ball game and its hellish..


Yeah, that definitely does not sound like what I am going through - though I can certainly relate to some of those symptoms. Oh well, like most of these stupid symptoms i'll learn to live with it and it should eventually melt away.

It's weird, for some reason Klonopin has been making me sleepy again despite actually being on a lower dose than my original already low dose that I was tolerant to. I am down to 0.375mg and i'm constantly wanting to nap in the afternoon. If I didn't know better i'd just drop the dose again, but I need to make sure I stick to the schedule and fully adapt to each dose before dropping.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

how is that working for you matt as far as lowering the dosage? i've been thinking about doing that too but i am starting to think that some of what might be going on in my mind is benzo withdrawal even in between doses. So i'm a little afraid to see what full on benzo withdrawal would be like. I also got to thinking, for anyone who reads this and has memory issues, i haven't had this happen to me(or at least not yet) but i do remember taking vallum in highschool just for fun and it heavily impacting my memory. In fact, i think it is known for that. So i wonder if the kind of benzo people are taking has an effect on the memory as well. I know thats kinda off topic but i've been thinking about it as i've read some other posts.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Garjon said:


> how is that working for you matt as far as lowering the dosage? i've been thinking about doing that too but i am starting to think that some of what might be going on in my mind is benzo withdrawal even in between doses. So i'm a little afraid to see what full on benzo withdrawal would be like. I also got to thinking, for anyone who reads this and has memory issues, i haven't had this happen to me(or at least not yet) but i do remember taking vallum in highschool just for fun and it heavily impacting my memory. In fact, i think it is known for that. So i wonder if the kind of benzo people are taking has an effect on the memory as well. I know thats kinda off topic but i've been thinking about it as i've read some other posts.


It's going much better this time - i'm taking it so ridiculously slowly as I discovered the hard way how sensitive I am to Benzos when I tried to cold turkey last month.

I also started experiencing minor withdrawal symptoms between my doses - the only way I wouldn't get them was if i'd take an extra one. Soon I was taking an extra one more days than not and I could see where that was going.

Benzos are awesome and helped get me out of a hole but they were not going to be a long term solution for me. In fact i'm not sure that I would be capable of getting better while still on Benzos.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I think it's adrenaline affecting my memory -not the benzo's... I'm taking Oxazepam which has worked wonders for me before, no side-effects and good effect on Dp symptoms, but now I feel like I'm becoming tolerant to it so I'm trying to get off them.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

i am beginning to feel the same way about the benzos matt. I feel like the only full recovery for me will be when i am feeling good without them. Don't know how much longer that will be. Today started good, then had a pretty rough patch for about an hour, and that was about when my meds kicked in so i've been doing really well since then actually, but i'd really like to have a good day without having to take anything to make it that way.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Just take it day by day and see when you feel strong enough to get off meds. As you've said - if meds work for you, there is nothing wrong with being on meds. I'm not anti benzos by any stretch - they really god me through a rough patch. But I really believe that they are a med that could hold some people back from recovery in the long term. On the other hand, some people need to take them daily and think it is a tradeoff that is well worthwhile to be on benzos for life if they can live an otherwise normal life while on them.

I'm just not that person. You'll know if and when you are ready to come off meds and if you'll be able to recover while on them.


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