# Briefly experienced repersonalization



## SSJ3Lotokun (Nov 21, 2011)

Reposting this from dpcommunity since this site just came back up

Been experiencing depersonalization for as long as I can remember, at least since I was 5. Never had a name for it until very recently, and had been doing research on how to recover for about a month or so, but hadn't taken action in any particular direction.

Recently my partner and I spent a week in Texas. It was a wonderful experience, and aside from one bad day the best vacation I ever had. No pressure to visit anything touristy, no gift shops or "sightseeing". Just spent some good times with some of my partner's friends and family.

What was most notable about the trip for me though: for the first time in my life, I experienced "re-personzalization". This happened on three separate occasions during our trip.

The first occurance happened on our second night in Texas. We were hanging out with my partner's Mom and Uncle, talking about all sorts of things, listening to good music. I'd had a few beers, a couple glasses of egg-nog, smoked a little bit. At one point I went into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror, and actually recognized myself! This was huge for me. I was feeling a connection with my physical self that I had never felt before. Spent the rest of the night actively involved in discussion, I could feel my "true self" blossoming throughout the night, and of course I had to let everyone know. This feeling lasted throughout the evening, long after I sobered up, but dissipated shortly after waking up the next morning.

The second occurance happened a couple days later. We were staying at a friends house. I'd been having a pretty lousy day after a rough night (dealing with a panic attack that lasted something like 16 hours). After being a mopey bastard all day I decided that I was done with it and ready to have a good time. Picked up a six-pack of girly drinks on the way back to our friends place. Had a few, got snuggly on the bed with my partner and our friend and watched Sherlock. After the episode was over, I could feel the anxiety coming back, and desperate for a solution I smoked a couple hits. My partner and our friend were sitting on the chair next to the couch. Suddenly the connection came back, in an even bigger way than it had before. Everything felt so real. I was experiencing a direct feed with my senses and emotions, in a way I'd never felt before. My partner and friend seemed delighted to hear this, and we proceeded to engage in some fun and very educational group sex. I was personalized for this entire period, long after the effects of any intoxicants had long worn off. I felt a connection with the world, myself, and my partner in a way I'd never felt before.

This time the feeling of being personalized lingered for even longer, in my dreams, and in waking up. It was enlightening. I was sure I'd been cured. But there was a part of me that doubted that it would really last, regardless, I decided that I should enjoy it while I still could.

We went back to my partner's Uncle's palce the following evening and were greeted with a large amount of delicious Texan cooking. Homemade potato salad, overstuffed deviled eggs, the most amazing ham I'd ever tasted. All made better by the fact that I was tasting it directly, rather than vicariously through my physical self. This was the third occurance, and the absolute peak of the personalization experience for me. I'd hoped that it would last forever.

Unfortunately, it didn't. On our last day in Texas as we left for the airport I could already feel myself slipping away. My consciousness was losing it's direct connection, and began floating away back to it's usual residence somewhere above my head. By the time we got back home I'd completely lost it.

Even though the experience was fleeting, I came away from it with a whole new perspective. I learned how it feels on the "other side", how regular people experience things, and it was magical. Even knowing that there is another side gives me hope. I haven't experienced such feeling since I came back, although I did come very close (while eating octopus and drinking sake at an amazing Japanese place).

I want to go back. I want to experience that feeling again, perhaps even stay there. I'd like to do it without the aid of intoxicants or debauchery. I wish I knew how, especially since these last few days have been particularly rough on me. Not really sure where to go or what to do next. Considering seeing a therapist and possibly taking medication for my anxiety.

Any advice? Can anyone relate to this? And what should my next step be?


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## Lukeyd (May 1, 2011)

hey man that sounds awesome









You are definitely on the path of recovery. The fact that you experienced it 3 times on a trip is a very good sign. I myself have been experiencing moments of re-personalization and you just have to wait it out. It is only a matter of time. Don't be afraid if it comes and goes, the recovery process for this is not linear and its 2 steps forwards and one step back most of the time.

Just have patience (you've already dealt with the worst of it) and you will be fine









congrats!!!!!


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

I'd try to find a Therapist Who works with dissociation


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