# I need to get laid.



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Sorry, but I really, really, really do. It's been far too long. Any ideas on how to go about it that doesn't involve a trip to Amsterdam or hours of tediously chatting someone up in a bar? I want some free, uncomplicated sex, and I want it *now*. And I'm not paying. I guess that I've always had a fairly healthy sex drive, but at the moment I'm completely ravenous. I have no idea why...I'm a wreck physically. I can't even bare to look at Person3's Avatar else I fear I might explode. Imagine the mess ! Worse than Michael Jackon after an evening in front of a log fire.

God, I'm so bored. :evil:


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## Guest (Jun 13, 2005)

Palmela Handerson and her five lovely daughters.

Either that or something that comes with an air valve.

Baaaaa.....


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## jamieayres (Jun 9, 2005)

Go dogging? :shock:


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Sigh. And there was me expecting some sensible suggestions. :lol:

No, none of them are appealing options. Accept the self-love one, but I'm running out of fresh techniques.


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## Guest (Jun 13, 2005)

Become a rent boy?


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

In my current physical state I doubt that I'd anyone would want to buy. I could be a 'Packet of crips and a pint' boy I suppose. And keep in mind that I have two arse-holes, one given to me by nature, and one more recently given to me by the butchers at the hospital, so it might confuse any potential punters. Hmm...but there's an idea, maybe I could really play on pity regarding a certain illness I have.....would that be wicked? Tee hee.

If this thread doesn't get deleted, then nothing will. :lol:


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## Guest (Jun 13, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> In my current physical state I doubt that I'd anyone would want to buy. I could be a 'Packet of crips and a pint' boy I suppose. And keep in mind that I have two arse-holes, one given to me by nature, and one more recently given to me by the butchers at the hospital, so it might confuse any potential punters. Hmm...but there's an idea, maybe I could really play on pity regarding a certain illness I have.....would that be wicked? Tee hee.
> 
> If this thread doesn't get deleted, then nothing will. :lol:


"'scuse me love"
"Yes?"
"I've got leukemia."
"And?"
"Well are you gonna shag me or what?"

Yeah, that'll work. :lol:


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

:lol:

Sorry, I'm in a funny mood today....I'm a bit buzzed to be honest. Gotta love those benzo's (disclaimer etc)

But still, it's a worth a try isn't it ? I might not be as completely unsubtle and to the point as that, Mr Mole, but perhaps something along the lines of:

Martin: "Hello."
Female: "Go away."
Martin: "Ok. But before I do, I'd like to inform you that you are a second away from denying yourself sex with a man with a life-threatening-ish illness."
Female: "Go away."
Martin: "Last chance."
Female: "Oh, alright then. Your place or mine."

:?:


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## jamieayres (Jun 9, 2005)

Self love like a pro 

Passion8


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## Guest (Jun 13, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> Martin: "Hello."
> Female: "Go away."
> Martin: "Ok. But before I do, I'd like to inform you that you are a second away from denying yourself sex with a man with a life-threatening-ish illness."
> Female: "Go away."
> ...


 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Guest (Jun 13, 2005)

Okay, now that's funny


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

Martin - if you are in a position to go there, just hit up the City Centre of Cardiff. I spent a year there, and the Welsh ladies these days are hot and plenty willing for some free fun.


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## gimpy34 (Aug 10, 2004)

rohypnol


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Martin, I believe that was the bright spot that for two seconds broke my "kill/want to die" cycle. Aw crap it's resuming again. Quick! Say something nice about my hair! :lol:


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## Guest (Jun 14, 2005)

Go to a classy (ideally near a colllege area) pastry/coffee shop for brunch on the weekend. Sit at a table by yourself with several notebooks and a draft of one of your books. Pay attention to NO one. Immerse yourself in your work (a pencil and legal pad are especially fetching, no laptop).

After awhile, say something chatty and rather witty to the waiter. Become a bit friendly, still looking at no one dining.

Soon glance around and see if there is ANY girl person sitting alone as well, having whatever pensive weekend moment by herself. Send over a cup of coffee or whatever she's drinking, then go back to your work. At some point, she will talk to you. Be shy and private about your writing, a little modest even (pretend. grin). Discuss perhaps Enchanted Night, or some other piece of literature you've recently enjoyed.

She should be yours.

Thank you for using Lays R Us,
J. Baker, management


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Re: the above post

Oh yeah. Then feed her lines and keep her dangling for a couple weeks until you've broken her down to the point of near psychosis. Because maybe she really wanted to meet someone with something in common with her instead of being manipulated for sex.

Right, I shouldn't take this so seriously. But you know it really hurts when you're the one falling for this shit.

Personally I NEVER approach guys for reasons like this yet somehow I still end up meeting the same types. Maybe fine for someone normal but not for someone who already has a fucking mental disorder. And if I see a guy writing ANYTHING in a book I either reach for the gun or steer clear.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Person3, you have lovely hair. Apart from your Avatar, your anger appeals to me. But I've never been one to, consciously, manipulate women for sex. Honestly, it's the truth ! Just be thankful that you aren't entirely consumed by your raging hormones, for your entire goddam life, and that _you_ don't have to do the chasing!! Besides, I'd never try and 'chat up' someone who didn't realise that I was coming on to them. It's tantamount to rape! In my experience, women are usually far more intelligent than men, so they should see it coming a mile off, a make a decision for themselves, like all thinking animals do. I, unfortunately, don't have Derren Brown-type powers of persuasion, so I have to rely on my endless capacity for spontaneous bullshit. I'm pissed off by the whole 'men using women' crap. Women have brains, for gods sake. Oh, and women never 'use' men, for whatever purposes...oh no. Never. Not in the history of mankind! :shock: Yet I understand your bitterness at men. Some of us, a majority perhaps, are evil little wankers.

Thanks for the advice Janine, I might just try that. Today actually, as I've nothing better to do. I'll report back later.

As for Cardiff.....my lord....but it's full of Welsh people! (Disclaimer etc)


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

welsh girls do it best :twisted:


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Prove it !


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## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

women say 'all men are bastards' but you women all love a bastard....i cant work it out,nice guys come last,no sympathy from me im afraid


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

There is that attraction to a bit of rough definitely. I think it stems from thinking that that person is capable of looking after themselves and us if need be. Confidence. This does not mean that they are not a 'nice boy' though at all. You can be both. Infact it's a sexy combo. Just like men are often attracted to bitches. It's more the assertive and confident manner than the fact they might smash a glass over your head at any given moment.

Being a bastard is completely different. No-one REALLY likes a bastard, we just tend to get attracted to types we shouldn't for numerous reasons. A real bastard is someone who cheats/acts violently/deceitfully. (actually I think a bastard is someone who doesn't know who his father is but you know what I mean)


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Question for the management of LaysRUs...

It sounds as if you know what you are talking about.

And your credentials would be...? 

Martin H., " But I've never been one to, consciously, manipulate women for sex." :roll: :roll: "Besides, I'd never try and 'chat up' someone who didn't realise that I was coming on to them." :roll: :roll: :roll:

"Some of us, a majority perhaps, are evil little wankers."

The truth *finally* comes out !! 8)

Let's do a "How many days since you've had sex" poll.

I'll start...

Can't remember.


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## Guest (Jun 14, 2005)

--


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

The only problem is, if Martin were to be direct and honest, he would literally have to walk up to a ladeee and say

'Fancy a shag?'

And as much as I love honesty, I gotta say, that would put me off...

I guess I'm lucky in the sense that I've never had instances like you describe, I generally get into a relationship then get shat on from a great height instead.

But, women can be animals too. After all, we are just that, we have 'needs' also.

Dare I say it, can't they make some sort of more legal/less sordid form of prostitution?!?


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## Guest (Jun 14, 2005)

Ladies....now get a grip here.

I am not suggesting Martin use this technique to garner ladies for his serial killing hobby. If someone meets somebody (a stranger in a public pkace) and CHOOSES to bed him before getting to know him, all is fair.

You cannot go meet some stranger and sleep with him quickly and then cry "victim" as if he's manipulated you.

If you meet a fellow and develop a relationship and share intimate details about yourself and THEN you discover he was manipulating you, misrepresenting himself, etc...that's one thing.

But you cannot cry FOUL that your "one night stand" turned out to not be the love of your life.


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

That penultimate paragraph was what i was trying to get across - what my experience and understanding of what a 'bastard' may be. And the same for women too, from what I can gather!

Is Martin a serial killer? I never knew that. That is so not a good quality Martin, make sure to keep that one to yourself when chatting someone up. It could screw your chances.


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## Guest (Jun 14, 2005)

> If you meet a fellow and develop a relationship and share intimate details about yourself and THEN you discover he was manipulating you, misrepresenting himself, etc...that's one thing.


Janine, to clarify, THAT was what I was talking about in my situation, not the one night stand thing. 8)


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Oh Martin, you made me giggle like an oriental schoolgirl. That bit about Person3's avatar was priceless.

Here's my solution: Find a bar. Bring some flowers and chocolates. Keep them beside you while you drink. I guarantee you that at some point during your evening, a somewhat sloshed woman will saunter up to you and coyly inquire as to the flowers. She'll say something coquettish like, "Are those for me?" What you do at this point is say, "No, they're for my girlfriend." Better to make it a girlfriend than a wife. The latter has too many complications.

After that, your libido can rest assured. Don't believe me? Just try it. At the very least, if it doesn't work, you're in a bar drinking. You won't care at that point anyway.

Good luck.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

I don't know, I just seem to have gotten some guys that DID want just the sex but were willing to wait a little while longer and use a LOT more lines.

But I can see this setting Janine...and from where I see it there's always the possibility of some very young girl falling for this who doesn't know what she is getting into. If it was like "hey, one night stand" I wouldn't mind that if it were more direct on the guy's part. And do the guys care? Not at fuck ing all.

Martin as long as you don't use women like that you're totally cool with me 

anyway someone mentioned nice guys..

and as far as nice guys...well, I would love a guy that respects me. But I think "nice guys" aren't necessarily that. They can be just plain passive. I went out on a date with a nice guy. He brought me flowers. It was nice. But on the date.. my god, I had to constantly think of new things to talk about. We had NOTHING in common, and he didn't talk much, and this date we went on (a formal dinner for the theatre majors) was really boring, and on the way back home I was like "why don't you just take 75 back to my house, it's easier?" and he was like "I'm afraid to drive on the highway."

Look. If you're in college and afraid to drive on the highway, I'm really afraid I can't relate with you. Unless you have a LOT of other things in common with me. Because I'm one of those people who got the hell out of town at 18 and had no qualms about driving back and forth to a city four hours away.

And there is another guy, who is really getting on my nerves...he called me and when i was like "gotta go" after being nice enough to chat for a few moments, he called right back. He did this again a second time, but I had called him first (because I felt the need to apologize for totally blowing him off when I saw him at my brothers' confirmation, and I don't know why the FUCK he was at my brothers' confirmation in the first place!) I guess he wants to ask me out on a date, but I'm really not interested. Sure, he's NICE, but I've never liked the type that kind of lurk around and keep interjecting like they have something to say to me but won't say it and whom I felt really had nothing in common with me except for that we grew up together. not an excuse to call me five times in one weekend.

And then those guys, the ones who kind of lurk around and keep bothering the girls instead of having their own lives, get mad that "no girl likes a nice guy."

uh. whatever. If there was a guy who treated me right AND had some kind of common ground with me AND was at least on the same level of 'life experience' with me (which would involve a lot of NOT being so incredibly passive on his part), that would be great. I sometimes hold the irrational belief that there are guys out there who can be nice without acting codependent or creepy or making you feel you have to be their mother. I believe there are nice guys out there who don't make it obvious how guilty you should be for not dating his dumb nice ass. Basically, I sometimes hold the horribly stupid, crazy, irrational belief that there is someone out there who is nice yet not so emotionally immature that you feel embarassed to hang around them.
--------------------

as far as the one night stands...

i'm still kind of pissed about this. I know a lot of guys that would be SO perfected at this they could literally break a girl down mentally over the aftermath, and I have seen it (yes, in others besides myself.). And then the guy walks away going "oh she's psycho, she knew what she was getting into". That's the worst, the guy walks away scot-free. No pain at all. You never see karma acting on them. Sure you may THINK it's mutual but a lot of girls don't know what's going on, especially when they're younger and ESPECIALLY if the guy says a lot of promising things about the future and about how he's wanted you for a very long time.

I have had one night stands that were mutual, but they did not involve "lines" (well, actually they did involve cocaine). The ones where I truly felt I had a reason to believe there was something more there, were the ones who did some kind of preparation. Lines. Putting on a show. Saying very sweet things. Even writing goddamned poetry about me without my knowledge.

And yes, women use men too. Though I would like to say that anytime I used someone for sex, solely and purely for the intention of a one night stand, it was mutual. Often they were the "worse" of the two of us in that department. But in those mutual events, there were no lines. Or if there were it was very little, MAYBE some about their occupation or something. But they never promised me anything, they never acted like something they weren't, they never appeared overly artistic or said sweet things or did anything to make the whole process seem like much more than a business transaction.

And even though you would think that after 7 years of fuck ing myself up emotionally with non-relationships, being driven to tears and suicidal ideation REGULARLY, that I would have gotten smarter at this. And yes, I DID, which is why the guys seemed to have gotten smarter too. They knew they couldn't get me in a night so they would drag it on for a while, saying the most unbelievably sweet things, sharing a few emotionally intimate moments, etc. They would keep persisting after I tried to break it off with them. Which is funny, because one of these people in mind was and still is (given that I see him with someone new every night and I see him being VERY flirtatious with other girls when he knows I'm around) capable of getting almost any girl they wanted. So why do they have to be such horrible fuck ing sadists and keep messing with someone who wants something better than that, and who already can't take a lot of emotinal damage considering they're busy with, oh, a dissociative disorder? Don't they know how bad that fucking hurts? Don't they care at all while I'm having nonstop panic attacks or feeling used? No. They don't feel the least bit sorry. They don't have to worry about it ever again. I was nothing to them. They can live the rest of their lives feeling great while I have to have all the pain. They never get "what's coming" to them. No. They don't have anything to worry at all.

Meanwhile, it consumes my whole mind because it hurts so goddamned bad. HOW IS THAT FUCKING FAIR?

---------------------

I guess my point is the only way I see a one night stand as being mutual is absolutely NO Don Juan behavior on the guy's part. Oh yeah us girls are supposed to be smart and know beforehand when we're being taken for a ride. I guess none of us are smart enough. I've tested in the 99th percentile of most stuff throughout school so you would think that I could at least compute SOME of this stuff. No, apparently not. I think the guy should be WAY more honest. I can't take this anymore, it's making me feel even worse. Think I'll go slit my wrists now.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

My God, Person cubed, i've never read so much honesty in my life. Excellent missive! I would argue how a lot of things you've said apply to women as well, but i'm at work now. But, quite a rattling yarn in any case. This thread's great!


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## Guest (Jun 14, 2005)

Person-Cubed (that's very clever), I do have compassion for what you're saying, and I don't mean to imply that girls "Should" know they're being manipulated, etc....

but this is what it boils down to.

ANYTIME we put ourselves in "victim" role, we are screwing with our abilities to ever be happy. We can say "this is not fair" or "the world should not be this way" and in some cases, there are ways to try to make improvements.

But human sexuality and the Love carosel are NOT going to change. That's just reality and it's just life.

We all hurt and we all get hurt. Short of someone instigating an overt PLOT to screw with someone, you just have to eventually realize that love and sex are so confusing that we all misrepresent ourselves at different times - it's reality.

INTENTIONALLY "Tricking" someone is entirely different from "setting a trap" to entice a nice lovely *(or handsome) person into one's arms.

If you want to lament that NO one should EVER do that, that everyone should be 100 per cent responsible and mature in love 100 per cent of the time and take ANY flirtation or seduction 100 per cent seriously, you're setting yourself up to be miserable in this world.

Life, love and sex are WILD and rampant and rules are not in place most of the time.

To get too bogged down in "Shoulds" about all this is only self-torture.

Sorry, I know I'll get attacked for that, but sorry again, guys, it's REALITY. We will be happy in this world when we stop screaming about how things SHOULD be - we cannot protect ourselves from having our feelings hurt. We can work hard towards knowing we can survive those times - and let ourselves LIVE.

The reason I'm "preaching" about this is because it IS DP and symtpom related. The more we fight reality and judge reality and hate reality, the harder a time we will have living IN it. I was the same damn way (and still am in some areas) - most of us here have an INORDINATE hostility and judgment for "how things are" when we have SUCH strong wishes for them to be some other way.
We get WELL -and we STAY well - when we spend our energy changing ourselves and developing ourselves instead of lamenting that the rest of world is not what we want it to be.


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## jamieayres (Jun 9, 2005)

g-funk said:


> I generally get into a relationship then get shat on from a great height instead.


Can i get an amen! :wink:


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

Isn't it interesting how a thread that started with the most basic primal urge in life (i.e, I want to get laid, but how?) turned into a discussion about one of the most difficult aspects in life (Ok, I got laid, but now how do I handle it emotionally?).

Martin - it almost feels as though you already got laid, and now we are on to discussing your feelings afterwards. For God sakes, people - Martin needs to get laid! Quit the Ricky Lake discussion - Martin's mind is only at the Howard Stern level for the time being! 

But, seriously - Person, your post was so honest, and us good guys (I have been with the same woman for 4 years and we will get married) don't play games. HOWEVER, I must admit that the games lessen (not go away, though) as you get older. I played "the game" once. The game "played me" MANY TIMES. I made people cry. People made me cry. I remember nights going to bed saying "I would rather jump in a fire with Satan than get involved in another hurtful relationship". That pit in your stomach sucks.

My cynical side of me knows that everyone lies sometime. But my realist side of me knows that at times, I will believe a lie depending on how good it sounds and the situation in which it is expressed.

For example - "I will never hurt you" sounds so much more convincable when the woman's bare breasts are touching my chest, and she is stradling me like a horse, rather than if she says it to me as a passing phrase over coffee. The reason is - HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS PEOPLE - Sex is like being drunk. She is saying "I will never hurt you". But during sex, she might as well have said "I paint my cat yellow on Fridays" because your brain isn't comprehending words, it is comprehending physical sensations. Your brain is thinking "Wow, her *** feels great rubbing against my ***"

Usually in one night stands, when a man orgasms, it's like winning the super bowl but not wanting the trophy 10 seconds after the whistle.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Yeah, sure, i'm fighting reality right now but do you realize I've spent the better of TEN YEARS _not_ fighting reality? I know it sounds like total BS but in a twisted way I didn't fight it like I am now. When this kind of stuff happened, I would try and try to accept the truth. I blamed it in myself before blaming it on them, to the point of doing anything to change myself. I thought feelings were stupid and only cried in private. I never let on to the people around me that I was still upset (well, not since early high school at least). Sure I fought it in the sense that I would still have these thoughts but for a long time I didn't share them, to the point of being in total denial of them, denial to the point where I was litereally convinced that I was nothing if I didn't change myself more and more drastically through very painful means (it's not very fun to have had eating problems off and on since age 15, and some long before that!) always convinced that if I just did something different

i don't even know if I CARE if this works or not, saying nothing is fair. I can't think of anything else that I can do right now. I'm sick of just accepting it, just pretending to be okay. I'm really at my wits end here. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't just BE okay with it.

Maybe nobody ever meant anything they said to me but that hurts even more. I've just always had this SUPER GOD DAMNED GRANDOISE NOTION THAT I MEANT A FUCK ING THING TO SOMEBODY. THAT IS ALL. But i guess it's not true and I'm so fuck ing sick of pretending it's okay and not getting mad about it and trying to get them back or change something about me and it's just so fuck ing useless. I don't even know the exact number of sex partners I've had, I actually have to sit and think for a moment. And all that was because at age 16 I realized the only affection I'm ever going to get is if somebody uses me for an hour so I resorted to just that. And it's still the same way.

I can't jsut "stop" thinking this and be happy. I CANT BE HAPPY I HAVE A GOD DAMNED MENTAL DISORDER HELLO!? WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK THAT I CAN JUST BE OK AND HAPPY WITH IT EVER? THERE IS NOTHING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT.

I'm really surprised I didn't get into a shit load of trouble for my previous post, and If I said what I really really really wanted to say i probably would get in trouble. but it has a lot of "f yous" in it.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

And I can't believe that guys can even think that any part of sex feels good. what's so great knowing you're going to just make the girl under you want to kak herself the next day?


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

person3 said:


> And I can't believe that guys can even think that any part of sex feels good. what's so great knowing you're going to just make the girl under you want to kak herself the next day?


Geez - I didn't realize us guys were that bad at it.

Person - Sorry I attempted to find humor in a section of your like that strikes a nerve. What I really meant to say was that I have been hurt so many times and I have hurt people, too. But, I finally found "the one", and the games end.

I obviously know nothing about you, other than what I read on this forum. What I get from your postings is that you are bright, fun to be around, and witty. But, I also get a feeling of sadness and Hopelessness. I know, because I have been there.

When you said that you had to count the amount of sex partners you have had, some of these guys may have treated you the way they did because they knew the could. Word spreads quick, unfortunately.

You always had the power. Now, use it.

With love,
Mike


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

no you didn't offend me you just let me know the horrible truth, that's all. so I guess there is some thanks there.

i guess the reason why i started having so much sex is that guys never showed an interest in me any other way (and the painful twist was that I saw decent, respectful relationships between guys and girls myage happen ALL around me...it was like wow, I'm really worthless. Apparently I was and still am. It wasn't like everyone had to resort to having sex with strangers because that was all theycould get.) , and when I was 16 I decided that one night stands were better than nothing. but there are those people who want to get really crafty about it still.

i probably have about 14-15 partners, it's just sad because i have to sit and remember, i can't recall the names offhand, etc.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

I have a feeling Martin knows how to pick up a woman. Just a hunch.


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## Revelation_old (Aug 9, 2004)

sebastian said:


> Oh Martin, you made me giggle like an oriental schoolgirl.


Classic thread.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

Wow - I wish I would have read this thread earlier - what an interesting read.

I don't understand the motivation behind trickery and stuff like that - it all seems pathetic to me. It's like a guy seems to think he has achieved more when he can lie and sly his way into a girl than simply being honest and saying, "Well, I want to screw - how about you?"

Truth be told - I honestly don't give a flipping fuck what anyone thinks of me on this board, in life, or anywhere for that matter: I'm not here to impress anyone so don't think I'm feeding a line of bull on this, but: I always am up front and honest about my motivations. It's interesting - I probably could get laid more if I lied and cheated, but you often LOSE those relationships so goddamn fast (after they "wise up") and spend so much of your resources trying to find another "victim" that you miss out on quality - the kind that usually ends up with lamps shattered on the floor and a mattress in the hallway. In the end run - the girls that just want what I want are much more honest, much more fun, much more laid back and much more experimental. So....what do I want? Some naive push-over or someone who could break me in two? Hmm....don't have to think much about that.

I've slept with several girls in my life - but most of them (a large, large majority) were simply in for the same reasons I was in. When I wanted sex, I could simply get sex - and the same for them. No hastle, no running around on Saturday night trying to "tap into" some girl. Just - "Hey, you want to?", "Sure."

I never understood why we don't get out of our idiotic, half-assed, shitty relationships built on lies and simply tell each other what in the holy hell we want. Once I figured this out - I can honestly say my sexual relationships have been nothing short of really frickin' cool.

Ah well - two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

This is getting far too serious. Time for me, once again, to lower the tone.

As for the serial killing, I'm over that now. It was my lampshape that told me to kill women, but I've replaced in with a lava-lamp, which just enourages me to stick pins in my eyes when I'm a bad boy.

Thanks for the advice everyone, except Sebastian, whose advice, if I were to follow it, would end me up in jail, or worse - married again. I'm gonna git ya Seb ! :wink:

Sorry for the offence to all the ladyz. (Sigh, I could talk about a nice walk on the beach and offend someone). But I'm brutally honest. At the moment I am desperate for sex. Desperate. Actually, I'm hgrtytref, which is a word I've just made up that means Deperation for sex * 1,000,000. My body doesn't seem to absorb unused sperm, so I fear I might explode unless I get a cathater fitted. A nice one mind, black, with sequins, like a ***-hags handbag. Hmm. Or unless I'm milked like a cow. Imagine the scene, as I am right now, with me on all fours, with a nice copper bucket beneath me, and one of my nurses voiding my seed....pull, squeeze, pull, squeeze. Mmmm. I might even get some nice long flase eyelashes that cows have, and insist the nurse call me Daisy.

And no, I've never had any problems in the past, but I've never oozed illness from my pores before. Or had two arseholes.

Terri - yes, you're probably right. I probably do manipulate women, even my mother said so. But honestly, I don't do it on purpose, or how I do it. If I did know, then....but as for the sex poll, last October, with a 37 year old Law Lecturer in London. Eight long months ago. I think the problem recently is because I'm at home, feeling sorry for myself and not socialising or working, I haven't had the chance to dazzle them with my charmmmmmmm. I've just had a quick count, and out of the 21 women I've slept with - 9 of them I've met through work, 7 through friends, 2 from dating adverts, 2 in a bar, and 1 in a club. Not much chance for me at the moment is there...!!!



> And I can't believe that guys can even think that any part of sex feels good. what's so great knowing you're going to just make the girl under you want to kak herself the next day?


It's a good point Person3. Once I've hunted down (to continue the serial killing theme) a woman and successfully lured her into bed, the sexual act is usually a bit of a disappointment. And please stop being so angry, for my libido's sake? In anticipation of your rage I woke up this morning to find that the indians had set up a wig-wam in my bed. So please, cease....



> Martin - it almost feels as though you already got laid, and now we are on to discussing your feelings afterwards. For God sakes, people - Martin needs to get laid! Quit the Ricky Lake discussion - Martin's mind is only at the Howard Stern level for the time being


  Wise words, well said. Because of the repsonses to this thread, I'm well and truely emotionally laid. I've had a brain rogering of biblical proportions. Thanks for that. Now, back to the physical !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really quite good in bed, I can sleep for weeks.

But I'm gonna do it today. I've got to do it now, because I'm probably going to be out of circulation for a while once they start aggressive chemo!! But I'm strategically prepared. First, I'm going to ingest a staggering amount of benzos (disclaimer, etc), let my anxiety fade a little, then go to two previously idenfidied cafe's in the city (that allow smoking - it increases my scruffy, tortured writer, bohemian cool) and attempt to engage females in conversation. Strangely, when I'm on benzo's, I can yap till the cows (mmmm) come home. I will report back later on my probable lack of success and total humiliation. Wish me luck, you bastards.

Oh, and if I do get 'lucky' and there are any subsequent emotional entanglements, I'll do what I've done for me entire life. Shove them into a small box in the deepest valley of my unconscious, and let them stew along with all the other shit in there.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Ben said:


> I don't understand the motivation behind trickery and stuff like that - it all seems pathetic to me. It's like a guy seems to think he has achieved more when he can lie and sly his way into a girl than simply being honest and saying, "Well, I want to screw - how about you?"


Try this and see how far it gets you.

I'm not a "playa" or anything like that. I can't even remember the last time i had a one night stand, but if Martin wants to get "laid", which i'm sure he has no problem doing anyway, my advice is right on the mark. He didn't say he was looking for a relationship.

I get way more offers when i'm dating a girl than i ever get when i'm single. I'll leave it to the experts to determine what aspect of the female psyche causes women to prefer men who are "spoken for", but in my experience that's how it is. Of course i'm speaking here of bar atmospheres and lust based advances (as opposed to relationship-esque scenarios).

I am an extremely honest person, and appreciate honesty in return in a relationship. But the sad truth of the matter is the "dating" game ("dating" of course being a euphemism for sex in this case) is plagued with dishonesty. And if one wants to have meaningless sex, you have to play the game.

One time, while sloshed, i sauntered up to a girl in a bar and said, "If I buy you a few drinks, will you engage in coitus with me?" Guess what happened?

These days, i'm far more interested in love than sex (i'm far too neurotic to enjoy a one night stand anyway), and i'd love nothing more than to build an honest, meaningful relationship.

I guess my point in all this, Ben, is that i agree with what you're saying for relationships, but for a one night stand, sometimes one has to play the game.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> Try this and see how far it gets you.


Wow - thanks for that remark! How insightful - next time I WILL try my own advice.



> I guess my point in all this, Ben, is that i agree with what you're saying for relationships, but for a one night stand, sometimes one has to play the game.


....And my point is that I have enjoyed sex more when I'm not prowling all the time for a new girl and playing the game: I have looked for "relationships" where sex is the primary focus. Sex for me, after I have "won" the girl, was never as enjoyable as sex with a girl I have known for a while that got into the relationship for the same reason as I. I'm talking about (for a lack of better words) getting a phuck-buddy.

I understand that if you want a quick lay, then slying your way into a girl is probably the fastest way to get results - locate the weakest of the pack and pounce, eh guys? I guess the whole point of my post is to highlight the fact that there are other ways to get sex than beating a girl into submission with words - and sex is generally several times better, fun, different, explorative, interesting when you find a girl that matches your motives and isn't internally falling apart while you're screwing her.

...I guess it all changed for me after my senior year of high school when I ran into a girl at the grocery store I had "fooled". I actually saw something in her eyes that I never wanted to see again.

Perhaps I got off on the wrong foot with this post. I just want to display this point and then I'll have my peace: CONSISTENT AND FUN SEX DOESN'T HAVE TO INCLUDE DECEIT - AND HONESTY IS THE BEST WAY TO FIND A GIRL THAT WILL GIVE THIS TO YOU.


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

Honesty really is the best way to go about it. I know guys don't tend to believe this, but there really are girls out there that just want to get laid without a relationship. I guess you could run into problems by being honest, but I doubt it. It may take a little longer to find a girl that is interested only in sex. I have quite a few friends that are like that at times.

Then I also have friends that are used for sex and it takes them MONTHS to recover. So be careful. Even when guys are kind of obivous about it, and my friends know they have "been around," they still end up hurt. I think some girls just tend to think that they will change the guy, or that they are "special," and it won't happen to them. I have even fell into the trap once. :roll: Dated a guy for 5 months and when I finally slept with him, I found out that was all he was after. He actually told me that because I was not considered "easy," I was a fun challenge for him! yuck! Not sure I will ever recover from that one. Getting off topic here...

My point is that you need not waste your time with plans and games, just find someone that wants what you want.


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Dear Ben, 
Thats a good point in your post. I'm kind of conservative in my religious beleifs, but if one were to go out looking for random sex, being honest and not being manipulative seem like the happiest way to do it. But I have something I very much want to say to some of the people on here who seem to be complaining about men, one-night stands, etc....

I completely agree with Janine. You cant really play the victim card. You cant say you had sex, but it was for reasons other than wanting sex. If you just wanted to be loved, you'd hang around your brother, or your parents. Romantic love's fullest expression is sex. Its what all the foreplay of dating, and talking, and cuddling, leads to, and is supposed to. Dont fool yourself. Guys want sex. Alot. Women want sex. Alot. Should people lie to get it? No. But should we lie to ourselves and say that sex is a bad reason to go after the opposite sex, act charming, or put your best foot forward around females? No. Because even the most upstanding guy or girl knows that in the end, thats where the relationship is leading. Before or after marriage. And when either sex complains that it is unfair that this is how it works, it just seems to me to be sour grapes. I'm no better than any other man in this regards. Yeah, I'm trying to wait till marriage. Yeah, I'm a sentimental man. But I'm a man, and I have the same hormones and urges that any other man does. I just get tired of blame being put on one sex, or people acting as if they dont understand these truths. Deep down, the two sexes arent quite as different as we'd like to think.

Peace
Homeskooled


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## Guest (Jun 16, 2005)

We thank everyone for participating in this most fascinating of threads. Please carry on.

- Managment of
GetLaidSelfHelp.com


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

This thread is useless without pictures. I need some visual stimulation here. I AM at work here...


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Homeskooled-

I know everything leads to sex. I'm all for it. I can be a great fun party person or whatever, it's just what gets to me is this:

When a person will pursue you, and seem to connect on a level with you, hell try as hard as he can to connect on that level with you, and say some pretty facinating things...and then you later find out that he did ALL that with NO intention of doing anything BUT having sex with you...

Look, I understand if it's one night of this seduction behavior. But if it's a couple weeks, because they have to be more persistent, WHY CANT THEY FIND SOMEONE ELSE? Christ. That's all I ask. I don't want to be hurt. There are many girls out there that are ready to go, flirtatious, whatever. I'm not one of them. So why invest so much time in me when all you really wanted was casual sex? I put a lot of the phsyical stuff off in that situation, but after a night of what would appear to be some intense emotional bonding, it was hard to believe that the whole thing was a fluke. We started to have sex one night and then stopped...i stopped...i wasn't ready for it, and then next thing you know it's like the person i'm laying next to has this expression on his face, in his eyes, his whole body language and especially the icy silence conveying that my presence in the room was simply not acknowledged anymore. Gone. Totally gone.

I would like to say I had a panic-attack type thing that lasted the entire day.

But then he would call. ANd be like "you want to hang out?" and I did once..and he treated me like crap. ignored me.

and i broke it off with him one night but then he started acting all sweet...and REALLY sweet when things got more physical. Although i was really upset at the time (two days of panic attack), the situation was completely cut off due to me having to go to class and then that night we were out at a concert and everything went to hell when i confronted him.

Yeah.

I would understand if he said up front "hey i just want to mess around" or something. It wasn't like he was unattractive or incapable of getting some. God knows he has since..I always see him flirting with some girl when I do see him out. But no. He kept this charade going on for a while. After a night of good conversation that I hadn't had in years. After me trying to break it off.

And it may have been a two week nothing "relationship" but what he did and the way he did it and the callousness he showed in light of my feelings about anything (that last confrontation he was literally mocking me and calling me high maintainence and embarassing me in public) really pushed me over the edge. I don't know why he had to ACT all interested at first if he WASNT going to be all interested. I don't fucking get it!

And if he wanted sex, ok fine whatever. He could have stated it. But he didn't have to play those games, and he didn't have to be so passively cruel. That was the worst part about it. He was good enough at his own game to make it seem like my fault, like I was some psycho bitch for wanting to be considered more than a body.

Do you think I want to fucking have sex with someone that will not care if I die the next day? Is that what humanity is all about, is that what I should accept, is that what, if I don't accept it, will turn all my relationships into sour grapes? Am I supposed to just smile and be okay with being looked at as nothing more than a body when there was NO sign of that being the guy's intention? Am I supposed to just accept it and move on and not be hurt? For the last couple months I have tried most everything in my power to just move on. Tough it up. Accept it. But all that just made it worse. Janine said something about one's chances of being happy increase when they accept this reality but obviously that didn't work for me now did it? Why should I feel anything but this anymore?

Ben, I agree with you and I have had many situations where it was a TOTALLY mutual one night stand. There were even some that tried little cute seductive things but it wasn't like this.

The thing that hurts the most is i know if i had had sex with this guy right away he would have ditched me right away. but i told him i didn't want to do that...i refused when he asked to kiss me at first...so either i could have went against my standards and self respect and had sex right AWAY or I could have made it an awful painful situation by postponing the physical.

-----------

on an ironic note, a bastard alkie ex boyfriend of mine (not the above guy, but a different one) from a while back was trying to exchange numbers with me at a friends house. wanting to hang out. and i refused to take his number because the idea of even lifting a keypad-mauvering finger for him was ludicrous, but to not be a total bastard i gave him mine. oops. he called my cell phone right away so i would have his number on there. So i programmed it as "do not answer".

I think though, if he does call me I might experiment with it a bit. because i'm kind of pissy at ALL the dating experiences I have had inbetween now and then, and I think I just might take all my frustrations out on him. Are there any sociopaths on this board that could teach me how to effectively and permanently break a person's psyche without them knowing what you're doing?


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

person3 said:


> Am I supposed to just smile and be okay with being looked at as nothing more than a body when there was NO sign of that being the guy's intention? Am I supposed to just accept it and move on and not be hurt?


Absolutely not. This is unfortunately what society depicts the average person should be like - you know, the whole suck it up and don't be a wuss attitude. I don't buy into it. Celebrate your real emotions...this is what will show you that you are human - thinking and feeling (hell, it might even help with DP). Also, if you can, celebrate the negative feelings as well. This is when we are at the most fragile, but also the most able to mold to deal with future situations by how we act on the current situation. You sound bold, confident, and mature. I suspect that knowing the right thing to do comes to you automatically. But, I also suspect that you tempt yourself into the wrong thing thinking that "this time seems different - there is something here". When the right thing is there, the right thing and the temptation are the same. They tell you to go with it, but with caution. Sort of like actually slowing down to stop at a yellow light rather than speeding up only to hit another red light down the road.



person3 said:


> I think I just might take all my frustrations out on him. Are there any sociopaths on this board that could teach me how to effectively and permanently break a person's psyche without them knowing what you're doing?


Absolutely not worth it. Even if it works, you will feel worse. This will not be as fulfilling as it sounds. Therapy is about moving in a different, hopefully better, direction in your physical, mental, and social life. You will fail all 3 of them with this endeavor.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> When a person will pursue you, and seem to connect on a level with you, hell try as hard as he can to connect on that level with you, and say some pretty facinating things...and then you later find out that he did ALL that with NO intention of doing anything BUT having sex with you...


...Interesting, well, here's my thoughts on the subject.

Guys are, basically, pretty dumb: especially when they're thinking with the wrong head. They do not make many logical connections, they present very little awareness and - here's your key - they don't really listen to what you're saying or really internalize you much. There are a lot of tricks I've noticed that can sweep away the smoke and mirrors of "the jerk guy", because, well, they've been used against me; and the one that always killed me was when SHE started asking pretty straightforward questions about things she had talked about earlier.

Watch for the guys to start wavering a bit and see what happens. If, as you keep talking with them about something BESIDES sex, their attention starts to waver, and they can't keep up with you, well, then you're starting to see their walls crumble. However, if they can keep up with you and are asking you questions too - then you might have a bit more on your hands.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Well now Ben, I see that last part as some good solid advice.

After following this thread for a bit, I'm ready to say...We all get screwed at one point or the other sometime in this life. And we all roar and rage and cry and just about die till we get over it. If you have ever tried to love then you have probably come close to wondering if you can die from a broken heart.

Person3, there is nothing worse than having your heart ripped out, stomped on and then made fun of. Cruelty in the worst sense. But it cannot keep a hold on you forever. You must let it go because keeping it is keeping something so negative that it is killing your soul. By doing that you are not allowing your soul the joy of finding completeness somewhere else. Anytime you carry that much negativity about one moment in your life, you are spitting on your whole being... saying that is the moment that defines you. Years down the road, and I hope you have a million of them, you will see that one asshole for the asshole he was, and wonder how you ever could have let him steal so much from you. You have so much ahead of you. You have learned so much about yourself from this encounter. And now it is over. I hope you never have to experience this kind of hurt again, but to live and love is to sometimes hurt even when love is at it's best. Sigh...so goes life.

Now, about this all men are bastards stuff...  , alot of them are. I can spot one from a mile away. But Lord do I ever love the rest of them ! Can't imagine the planet without them.

I have a point to ponder. I have often thought that women who do not have a brother/brothers think men are a lot more mysterious then they are. I think if you have had a brother you realise them for the gooberheads they are. Anyone else think this could be a possibilty? It goes the same way for sisters, I imagine. Anyone have a thought on this little theory?

terri*


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

That makes a lot of sense to me. I grew up in a male dominated household and older males at that. I have no intellectual theory on it, but I feel I can relate to men on a level that those who do not have brothers cannot.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

I think some guys see sex as a way of conquering something. Like they won a prize if they get you in bed. And the reason men will hang around for weeks and months still trying to get some is they like the challenge. It's exciting. Women don't understand this because sex is easy for us to get. And we're not stupid enough to think its a big deal to get in someones pants. Most girls and guys are easy to get in bed but some men think the've done something when they get you. Kind of like their obsession with video games and just "winning." 
I grew up around boys too so I know a little about them. I used to think I really understood them but now I feel like I'm mostly clueless about the male species. Guys claim they're simple and easy to understand but they lie. I think women are simple and easy to understand. As for you P3, don't use your ex as an experiment. It's wrong and pointless.


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

Man, what's happened to this thread! I use to look forward to reading the posts here to get a laugh, but the tone has become so serious. I applaud Martins effort to bring the tone down but alas, to no avail. Ms Daisy, where are you? Hope you haven't exploded! I do agree with enngirl, Martin does seem the real cheeky bastard who could get away with murder - it would be a cack to go out on the piss with him. If I'm ever in London I just might have to give him call.

Ok, my two cents worth and this is purely my view on this topic. First of all, men are bastards and women are bitches, that's just the way it is people - works both ways. I would like to know what demographic are we talking about here - 18 to 28 year olds or 30+. What I have noticed (and I agree with the women) men tend to be better at being arseholes at a younger age. Just look at their attitude when they drive cars. They're bloody crazy! Take a look at the same male when his older, married and driving his children around...big difference! What I'm eluding to is that men do have a better sense of responsibility and maturity when they're older. In our social group we have many married couples, singles and gays as friends and the average age is ~ mid to high thirties. What I have found is that most of the males go out on a limb to make their women happy. We have found most of the couples that have broken up recently the women (in most cases) were the party that initiated the split leaving the guys devastated. Here is a tip for the younger women who keep getting hurt by the bastard, find a guy who is a bit older! Your odds of finding a decent male may be better. However, you just have to be careful with Martin as he has made it quite clear that he's not really looking for his soul mate!

Homeskooled wrote, 'Romantic love's fullest expression is sex'. I personally don't concur with this statement. People make sex far too complicated. To me I find sex fun, playful, cute, exciting and a great way to relieve stress with your partner, especially if you employ some massage in your love play. When your first with a new partner and your in neverland you may experience some of those bliss moments during your love making but I don't think you can sustain that feeling forever (unless your Sting). Love's fullest expression comes in a much more subtle way in our relationship. For my wife it's those little things that I do for her and for me it could be simply holding her hand whilst carrying my son on my shoulders and walking through the park. Like I said these are just my personal opinions (I hope I don't get a major backlash).

Ms Daisy I'm still waiting for you?.mooooooooo

(Man I feel so f**in' weird today, must have been that nightmare that woke me up this morning - I think I need a hug  )


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

i usually seem to ATTRACT the much older guys anyway, which sorry guys but after a while makes me uncomfortable because the only person that is EVER supposed to use the phrase "when I was your age" is your god damned parent...

but i see the point...maturity...blah...yeah


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Yes....life's a bitch...men are bastards, women are manipulating wilting wallflowers, and love is so very serious and utterly complicated. Everyone get's f****d over at some point or another. Some more than others.

But back to more important matters - failure. I made one woman blush and another giggle nervously. But I think I over-did it with the 'b's. I was so relaxed I nearly fell through the bar stool into the lower mantle. That's my excuse anyway.

Continue the raging....I have no opinion on the matter, other than a shrug of the shoulders and an 'oh well'. Probably because I'm a man. And yes, I DID just crawl out from under that rock.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Well, I do wish you good luck on your quest Martin. I mean you already have cancer so I guess I can forgive your plots to seduce thousands of women... 8)


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## Guest (Jun 18, 2005)

Edit: Never mind..lol


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

Intention is not always clear in love/romance (but in other things too). Time is the one that judjes everything. Time conquers everything. One-night-stands are not the only danger. There are relations who keep on (for years) while only one of the two is having emotions for the other. And where love starts, logic stops. If I was living in a Noir-detective-story I would just say "love hurts" and then the end credits would follow. But I will instead say "love makes you blind, sometimes".

One night stands are sad. I don't think I would enjoy such a thing as "just sex". It's too empty. I get times of extra libido but I don't want "just sex". If I could, I would rather suppress the extra libido than manage to have a one night stand.

One of the things that prevent me making a relation with a girl is because I do not think that there will be a point in my relation since I haven't settled down with my problems (why would I be in this board?). I still think that it could cause me damage, I still think that it would put more variable into the equation that I need to solve. And yet, if the chanse appeared, I would cheerfully indulge to the thril of a tenderness affectionate romance (an obsession/idea that maybe very well well be an illusion). What a stupid thing.

People judge things from their statistical sample. When you only meet jerks (or sluts, for men), then it's very logical to say "all men are bastards". I once thought that girls didn't want to have sex, not at all. Imagine that.

I am surpiced that people (I include myself) are judging with the wrong criteria but expect to get the correct result. When the result is not correct, then the criteria must change.

For instance, I have read what Person3 said I have understood it as a "I can't find the proper man" (forgive me if I got the wrong meaning). I have said things like that in the past 8 years. And then rejected the attention/flirting from some really nice girls. Why did I do that? Because I payed more attention to that "Diva" that was so beautiful, so self-trust, so.. surrounded by people. My criteria was wrong, how could the result be right? Person3, I have no idea why you can't find what you seek, but could it be what was happening to me too? Wrong criteria?

If I ever decide to make a relation with a girl, I will just look if she wants the same things with me. I will "walk" slowly, and try to keep my eyes open at all times. When I notice the first problem, I will try to explore it. If I am wrong, I will change myself. I she is wrong, I will ask her change herself. And if it just seems to be a "different characters" thing, then I will just drop it. There is no point keeping it up. Of cource all that in theoritical.

Sometimes people try to play with us. And we get into the trap. Especially when we are vulnerable from other situations, etc. Motivation behind trickery could be as simple as "I don't care, I just want what I want" or "I am gonna win her" or it could be something a lot more complex than that. I never had the chanse to study such phenomenon. It could be that those people are trying to feel imporant with that. If this is the case, then they deserve pity.

And something else: I have noted that people change. Mates beginning for romance and ending up in a "just a lot of sex" relation, and vice versa. There is no standard in love.

Martin, you said you are not paying. What happens to the trouble and disapointment that it will be finding a girl for "just sex"? No intention to tell you what to do, but wouldn't it be simpler to go to a woman that does this for a profession?


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> No intention to tell you what to do, but wouldn't it be simpler to go to a woman that does this for a profession?


Now we're talking....


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> I mean you already have cancer so I guess I can forgive your plots to seduce thousands of women..


 :lol: Priceless. Utterly priceless. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Person3, will you marry me? Please ? I think I'm in lust, er, sorry, in love :shock:


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

yay! another dpselfhelp marriage! Speaking of which, what happened to Malia and Gavin? Are they still on homeymoon?


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

To Brainsilence...I just wanted to step in here to say I think you need to take your signature off as your writing is very good. I think your last post is extremely well thought out and your point about criteria is excellant.

I'm waiting with baited breath for Person3's reply.


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

Err.. thanks. well, I don't feel confident removing it completely, but I will change it a bit since I have heard that a few times. I hope the new one describes better what I need to let people know about me.

There are many words that I must seek in the dictionary and some that I can't even find them there (what is "kak"?). Guess the main reason why I still need to keep something like that as a signature, is because I am not sure of anything I am saying, not even in my native language.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Damnit Martin you're just gonna seduce me in some coffeeshop and read me poetry just so you can get a screw in.

ARGH

But at least we'll have something to talk about...you know...mental disorders and all. I love psychotic pillow talk. 

Ok i'm a little bitter er um better now...somewhat sorry that my weeks months years lifetime of depression mounted into the near castration of a guy...i don't really WANT to say i'm a LOT better and I feel SO sorry because we never know what the future holds..I could be a total bitch again any minute....

That part about finding someone who does this for a profession is hilarious. If I can't find a decent job and I somehow can land free therapy like seven days a week to deal with the psychological crush of prostitution I might consider it...then again...no

But I've seen some nice ladies out on the street i'm sure you'll find your match!


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

g-funk:

i'm sure your reminder of a couple from this board who can get some any time of the day now that they're together is not going to help our cancer-friend here :lol:


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> Damnit Martin you're just gonna seduce me in some coffeeshop and read me poetry just so you can get a screw in


Yes. Yes I am. God willing. :wink:



> But at least we'll have something to talk about...you know...mental disorders and all. I love psychotic pillow talk.


We won't have the time. At the time of writing, I have an out-board motor strapped to my hips. Just pull the cord and I'll be at it for hours. Perhaps after a day or two, we could chat about some stuff. Maybe.



> i'm sure your reminder of a couple from this board who can get some any time of the day now that they're together is not going to help our cancer-friend here


Yeah, thanks for that G-FUNK. I'm really happy that Gav is getting it with a beautiful woman. Honest, really happy.  I feel every sacred thrust. 

But anyway, sigh, it probably wouldn't be a good idea Person3. We are both seriously enraged bundles of hatred and anger. God knows what would happen. We might tear open a vortex in space-time and slip into the realm of Pure Hatred, where we could reign as King and Queen. Maybe worth a try ?


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Uh, you also left out the crucial fact that I just don't DO sick and bedridden guys.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

.....so, that excludes most guys I think; most of us are already sick and, at least, are trying to be bedridden.


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

person3 said:


> Uh, you also left out the crucial fact that I just don't DO sick and bedridden guys.


What person3 was trying to say was:

Uh, you left out the crucial fact that I just like to be ridden.

C'mon Person3 - give him SOME hope.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

:lol: :lol: :lol: To all the above. Love that whacked out humor.

Thanks to all for making a smile cross my face. You just never know when you're gonna mess around and make someone happy.

terri*


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

The only one NOT laughing now is Martin. 70 posts later and we didn't get him laid. What a crew we are, eh? It's a wonder any of us can get any.

Martin - you're better off taking your sexual conquest discussions to Rehnquist, or maybe even Falwell...they may do a better job than us.

:shock:


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

Person3 said:


> That part about finding someone who does this for a profession is hilarious. If I can't find a decent job and I somehow can land free therapy like seven days a week to deal with the psychological crush of prostitution I might consider it...then again...no


Consider what?

It was me who suggested that he could go to a woman that does this as a profession. I am not sure I understand how you used the word "hilarious" nor why would you be interested in prostitution. I do not endorse obligatory prostitution (either by other people or by conditions).

One interested (let's not forget, there are also men who do this job) in finding a professional woman for this, must find a woman who doesn't fall into the obligatory prostitution case. There are women who choose this job because of their sexual "temperature" and because they see it like a good way to satisfy themselves, and at the same time make money.

I don't consider going to a professional even when I am on my libido's peak, but this is just because I don't want "just sex". When someone needs "just sex", then a professional who ejoys her/his profession is the optimal case, and yes, it even costs less; especially if you consider the trouble till you find a woman/man for the thing you have in mind.

Friends of mine who seek just a "laid", report that a "one night stand" is worse than a professional (for one or both of the people who meet for a "one night stand"). And this was the only reason I made this suggestion.

Person3, I am not sure what offended you, but I appologize for the discomfort. Please evince it to me so that I will never repeat it in the future.



Martinlev said:


> Yeah, thanks for that G-FUNK. I'm really happy that Gav is getting it with a beautiful woman. Honest, really happy :crying:


Just ignore it. If you see couples on the street, then immediately look at the ground and try to think of something else. It really really bothers me too  I haven't found a better solution than that.


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

er....sorry! obviously not my intention when I brought up Gavin and Malia!


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> Person3, I am not sure what offended you, but I appologize for the discomfort. Please evince it to me so that I will never repeat it in the future.


Woah...hey there brother; I don't think she was offended - I think she was taking your comments and making light of certain things. I'm pretty sure she wasn't upset with you.



> If you see couples on the street, then immediately look at the ground and try to think of something else.


Wow, what a macabre conversation this has turned into....


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> er....sorry! obviously not my intention when I brought up Gavin and Malia!


Who the hell are these people?


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

a couple who met on this forum and got married. one from Uk, the other from Hawaii!


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

It's OK, I've given up all hope. Apart from the considerably appealing option of chemical castration, I think I'll just have to go and actually chat someone up in a bar or something. Sigh. Me, at my age, being reduced to doing that. But apart from that, I'm glad I started this post - some really quite insane (disclaimer) responses....I loved it. :lol:

I wonder what would happen if I started a thread saying..."I really need to gouge my eyes out with a spoon."

:lol:


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2005)

Martin: you need to date an American chick. They'd really dig your accent. By the way, do English girls like American midwestern accents? 'Cuz if so, maybe we could set up an exchange program because I too really need to get laid. I mean, seriously. It seems like all my friends and family already have.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

Privateer -

I have never met a foreign girl that dug a midwestern accent. For that matter, I have rarely found any girl that dug a midwestern accent. For that matter - I'm not sure midwesterners have an accent....


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Privateer said:


> Martin: you need to date an American chick. They'd really dig your accent. By the way, do English girls like American midwestern accents? 'Cuz if so, maybe we could set up an exchange program because I too really need to get laid.


That's quite amusing. How about central Canadian accents? Oh right, i forgot. We're the only ones that speak properly.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Privateer:



> Martin: you need to date an American chick. They'd really dig your accent


Well, sometimes. It never worked on the West Coast (Thousand Oaks - LA, Santa Monica)...but in New York, well, er, perhaps I used my accent to my advantage on occassion.



> By the way, do English girls like American midwestern accents?


I'm not quite sure what a midwestern accent sounds like. Something like Bobby Ewing from Dallas ? If so, perhaps. But if it's got a southern twang, then no chance.

Sebastian:



> How about central Canadian accents?


Possibly Sebastian, possibly. As long as you don't let the girls know that it's law in Canada to cut your lawn every week, as it might reinforce the common _misconception_ that Canada is the most boring country on the planet. Saying that, my ex-filth(wife) loved Canada.

Er...


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## Guest (Jun 24, 2005)

Concerning the title of this thread,

*NO YOU DO NOT!*


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Martinelv said:


> Sebastian:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Boring? The hell you say, sir! Perhaps you wouldn't be so quick-tongued if you were present during our national curling championship! Or perhaps you wouldn't feel so passionately dispassionate about us if you were to see our perfectly flat prarie provinces, which stretch for miles and miles...Or perhaps you've forgotten that this man, the great Gordon Lightfoot, is one of our many proud artistic exports:










Boring? Why, if I weren't Canadian I'd curse at you or say something terribly haughty! As it stands, i'll just wish you a good day, sir, and mutter an awkward apology under my breath.


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

that guy is hot


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

g-funk said:


> that guy is hot


funny you should say that. he's actually also one of the guys in the picture i posted in the "sticky" thread.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Xeper - Yes I do. I really really do.

Sebastian. Sir, I do not believe that Canada is the most boring country in the world, and I cannot really comment reliably because I've never been there. It's just that I've heard it second hand from...Americans.....cough. It's probably just friendly neighbourly rivalry, like between us and the Scottish. And French. And Germans. And Welsh. And Irish.

*HAS THAT MAN IN YOUR PICTURE GOT A CIGARETTE IN HIS HAND ???* CALL THE MARINES !! If it is the freshly mown penis of a small child or dolphin, then that's alright.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

Why, pray tell, do you feel that it is so imperative that you rub your genitals against those of a specimen of the oppositve sex?

Read another book instead!

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. Mend your ways before it is too late...


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

lol @ XEPER for thinking SEX is a sin

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Xeper you need to get laid


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

I think I'm the only Midwesterner (or American) that I know of who does not like british accents. In fact, the only british thing I like at all is Monty Python. Something about that country which I never visited and have no right to judge drives me up the wall in a negative way.

Tanzanian accents, however...those are...wait...I don't know what someone from Tanzania sounds like. But if I did...I guess I would dig their accent.

I really should get to sleep


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> Tanzanian accents, however...those are...wait...I don't know what someone from Tanzania sounds like. But if I did...I guess I would dig their accent.


Person3, let me help you out there ....I think it goes like this....

"Waazzzackaera spppppppppp wannahannazaham... errraaa sppp........"

....oh wait, that's Tazmanian.....okay, I need sleep too.....


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> Something about that country which I never visited and have no right to judge drives me up the wall in a negative way


Please elaborate on what it is about my beautiful island and it's inhabitants, Person3, that drives you up the wall in a negative way. Is it our moral, social and intelligence superiority over every other country in the world ? If so, I don't blame you.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

person3 said:


> I think I'm the only Midwesterner (or American) that I know of who does not like british accents.


Sh*t there goes my plan...

Hyuk hyuk hyuk.


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

Person3 totally confirms my preconceptions about the midwestern states every day.


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

XEPER said:


> Why, pray tell, do you feel that it is so imperative that you rub your genitals against those of a specimen of the oppositve sex?
> 
> Read another book instead!
> 
> ...


Xeper, I know that you like the scientific way, so, this might make a better sense 

Man is an animal. A smart one, but still an animal. Nature has inculcate the instict of reproduction into man, like in any other animals. The reproduction procedure needs to take place for man to be happy; like it happens to be for the rest of the species. So far, we see why do we need sex.

Some complication applies to man because of his (greater) brain-complexity in variance with the rest of the speciments on Earth (which are the ones that we know about). Since man has more brain, sentiments also appear at the reproduction procedure. Therefor, man's relationships are not just sex.

Sometimes, man can overcome his need for love (love = sentiments + sex ... the way I understand it) either by purposes he think they are greater, or just by another instict.

Some people, due to mind-conflicts (for instance, me, I have some mind conflicts), they can present a few additional complication in the field of love. These can be experienced either as pleasant or unpleasant. Sometimes, love is even absent in people who have mind-conflicts. Depending how you see it, I am lucky or unlucky to have a considerably high libido escorted by emotional explosions concernin the oposite sex. ..In other words I also need to get laid, but I don't to stop there.

I am not a psyche doctor, so the previous could just be foolishness/trash


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> Person3 totally confirms my preconceptions about the midwestern states every day.


Woah, easy there fella! What kind of preconceptions are you talking about!?!?! 'Just because we're all a bunch of sex-crazed maniacs who have nothing much to do but get drunk and tip cows doesn't give you the right to judge us on only one person....I mean, we have at least ten living in these parts.... 



> Is it our moral, social and intelligence superiority over every other country in the world ? If so, I don't blame you


....*clap*......*clap*......*clap*......


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

Yeah, that comment was unfair by me. I have to stop generalizing.

All people who generalize are just mean.

Shoot - there I go again.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

What I don't get is people who think Oklahoma is like a desert. That one cracks me up. The Northeastern part of Oklahoma is almost as green as the Ozarks. Well I guess the panhandle is like the desert but no one gives a shit about the panhandle anyway.

I think the confirmation msceigs meant was something about us not craving British accents?

Ok. I'll be honest. I fucking hate the British and Britian, and I don't know why. Something about the whole place annoys me. I'm sure if I went there I would fall in love with it...but I don't like the boys in brit bands (they're ugly! With those stupid shag haircuts and overly lanky bodies?!) (martin, i'm sure you're dashing btw...'cause it's kind of physically impossible for you to be in a brit boy band right now)...those WEIRD accents, all that stupid crap about punk and wearing the Britsh flag somewhere on one's body (I hate most punk too for some reason)...ok yeah i'm really intolerant. Kind of like scientologists want to rid the world of psychiatrists and psychologists, well...yeah.

I really don't have any other fabulous reasons (notice I implied that the above were fabulous and perfectly logical reasons to be anti-"brit" (GOD I HATE THAT ABBREVIATION!))

At least your country is not overtly anti Semitic, like those stupid French people...yeah that's right, you have a bunch of MUSLIMS entering your country, so teh logical thing to lash out against the influx is to hate the wrong religious group (the Jews)...yeah.

i'm gonna get hit aren't I?

I need more ice cream.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

For what it's worth, i find British women incredibly sexy. Kristin Scott Thomas, for example...she could be telling me about how she likes to fold her laundry and i'd be captivated.


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

There are beatiful women everywhere. The place doesn't really matter.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Brainsilence02 said:


> There are beatiful women everywhere. The place doesn't really matter.


Truer words were never spoken.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> those WEIRD accents,


What ? Anyway, yes, we are all either bumbling idiots (Hugh Grant) or serial killers (Take your pick).



> all that stupid crap about punk


What ? 25 years too late, my dear.



> wearing the Britsh flag somewhere on one's body


What ? :shock:


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## Isobel (Aug 11, 2004)

Martin, ive only just seen this . lol

youve made my day

:lol:


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Ahem....well....cheers for bringing this humiliation up again. Cough. I thought people had forgotten about it. Or rather I'd hoped they did.

:wink:


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## Isobel (Aug 11, 2004)

sorry :lol:

8)


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