# Horrible



## semicharmedlife (Nov 6, 2014)

So for some reason my DR has always been at its worst while working. I think for some reason it's a fear that I'm in public and people are going to think I'm crazy and I'm going to faint or something crazy happening while having an "episode", while I'm supposed to be in a "professional" manner. I just recently quit a job I was at for over a year (mostly because it was making me miserable) and just got hired at a clothing store. I'm still fairly new there, but learning fast. For some reason my DR hit me *hard* today. I know it's caused from my anxiety about worrying about it coming back, but it's hard to get those thoughts out of your brain because it will literally hit you RANDOMLY. It can happen when nothing even triggers it. I saw a video of someone describing their DP by comparing your brain to a blanket; imagine if someone keeps putting a blanket over and over you even though you already are warm enough. It's like your brain puts you in a "protective mode" when it's not even needed. So that makes it almost impossible not to worry about these thoughts, cause even though this has happened before, I feel like almost every episode is different, indescribable, and still unfamiliar. I can sort of tell when I'm "getting out" of an episode and feeling better. But then it can just come right back. I just don't know what to do. I'm absolutely terrified of going back to work now. I was seriously considering walking out today - but I know I need a job, but on the same token, my mental health is more important. Has anyone been to impatient therapy? I really don't see how therapy could help a disease like this - but I've read it is one of the most, if not only, effective treatments. I don't understand why there isn't a medication for this disease or more awareness. I guess it's just a horrible day because I'm so sick and tired of having this problem - as I'm sure you all do as well. But it's really really starting to effect my work now, especially because I have to communicate with customers and obviously my co-workers, and sometimes I just have to get away and go hide in the bathroom like a coward. And I can't stay in there too long cause I don't want to get in trouble... but I literally feel like I can't function at times. Thanks for reading, just had to get that out. It's funny, I feel a lot better as soon as my shift was over and I'm safe at home, but I don't feel like that's really facing the problem.


----------



## Irene (Nov 13, 2014)

What are your specific symptoms? That has been happening to me at work as well.Its like I panic at times and other times I go blank and have to really try hard to get back on task...it really sucks!!


----------



## semicharmedlife (Nov 6, 2014)

It's hard to explain really.. it's almost like a lightheaded feeling I get inside of my head, and blurry vision. And I just feel like I'm in a whole different reality/world. A feeling of doom, and that I will be stuck like this forever. Kind of like an acid trip. And I try to stay focused, like putting the correct jean sizes in order and folding them but sometimes lose my train of thought and get confused. I've been panicking as well, what are your symptoms?


----------



## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

I have had very similar problems in a few jobs over the years (ive had DP for a long time now) Im not advising you to quit but if you feel like you cant cope you might have to..With me it was down to jobs that i found too stressful..My DP and anxiety kick in big time when im over stressed...My solution each time was to take time off and consider the options or i actually changed or quit the job...My mental health and peace of mind is more important to me...Im not saying you should do this but its an option..I am now on Disability for my DP and will be for a while because the last job i took was way too much for me...I became super suicidal because i couldnt keep up with the pace and the demands that were being made of me..My DP and anxiety became so bad i could barely lift a screwdriver...It was absolutley energy sapping both mentally and physically..That was back in February..I quit the job and went on disability and im only starting to recover now from the whole experience......."My Advice" You should consider your health as the most important thing in your life...Without it you will have nothing of value...Your health is your true wealth....I have only a fraction of the money i was making but im so much more healthy and content with myself....


----------



## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

By the way your right when you say DP is like an acid trip...It is very similar.... But its a BAD acid trip! not a good one!!!!!!


----------



## Irene (Nov 13, 2014)

semicharmedlife said:


> It's hard to explain really.. it's almost like a lightheaded feeling I get inside of my head, and blurry vision. And I just feel like I'm in a whole different reality/world. A feeling of doom, and that I will be stuck like this forever. Kind of like an acid trip. And I try to stay focused, like putting the correct jean sizes in order and folding them but sometimes lose my train of thought and get confused. I've been panicking as well, what are your symptoms?


I've had many different symptoms. For example, the sensation of familiar people not feeling like I know or recognize them, including myself in the mirror.This also happens when I'm driving too.All of a sudden the street I'm not does not seem familiar and I start to panic. It's weird though because I'm able to get to my destination. Also, bright lights trigger a sensation of confusion and blurry vision and I'm unable to concentrate. This mainly happens at work which makes me panic.These are just some of the symptoms I've experienced...my list can go on and on.Lets just say that I can trip myself out on a daily basis and it's f-ing scary, I've been dealing with this since high school and I'm in my 30s, so it's been awhile. Some days are better than others...


----------



## milpool (Nov 4, 2014)

semicharmedlife said:


> I feel like almost every episode is different, indescribable, and still unfamiliar


I hate this so much its the worst. Every major episode has a completely different sensation. Its like being high on weed everytime, but with a completely different perspective. It really sucks and makes it feel worse. How long have you had this though?


----------



## semicharmedlife (Nov 6, 2014)

Milpool, I've been dealing with this since January. And it has gotten worse since starting a part time job at a store. Sorry that you can relate - it is indeed the worst.


----------



## jaiespoir (Jul 13, 2014)

semicharmedlife said:


> So for some reason my DR has always been at its worst while working. I think for some reason it's a fear that I'm in public and people are going to think I'm crazy and I'm going to faint or something crazy happening while having an "episode", while I'm supposed to be in a "professional" manner.


I think this might be the problem right here. Honestly, this is my biggest problem too. What I do in situations like this is always think to myself or physically write down what the worst possible thing is that could happen and think about it logically. In this case it seems the absolute worse thing that could happen is that you have a panic attack in public and people think you are crazy or that you faint. Now put it into perspective. Say that you have an episode and you faint. Honestly what's the most likely thing that will happen? People and your co-workers will be concerned about you, help you out, and you will go home for the day. You will not get fired, you won't die, no one will think you are crazy, and no one will laugh at you. Hopefully when you think about it that way it doesn't seem so bad. I guarantee 0 people will think you are crazy if you faint. Now the other worse case scenario: you have a public attack in public. I don't know what you would do, but I know what I would do. I would stop what I am doing, lean against a wall, close my eyes, and take a few deep breathes. If I needed to excuse myself to go somewhere private like the washroom, then I would. If you were a customer in a store or someone's co-worker and you saw them with their eyes closed breathing slowly, would you look at them and think they are crazy? No, you probably wouldn't. You would be concerned for them. If someone asks you if you're all right all you need to say is you are feeling sick or you had a feeling like you were going to faint.

This is how I cope with things at least. I don't know if my method is what is going to work for you. I always try to put things into perspective by telling myself the most logical worst case scenario and how I would deal with it. In both those scenarios, the outcome was that others were concerned for you and NO ONE thought you were crazy.



semicharmedlife said:


> sometimes I just have to get away and go hide in the bathroom like a coward. And I can't stay in there too long cause I don't want to get in trouble... but I literally feel like I can't function at times.


Hiding in the bathroom does not make you a coward. Not at all. It is your way of coping and if it makes you feel better and calms you down then it's okay. I know what it's like to feel so terrified inside like you are going to lose control and be terrified that you won't be able to function or do your job. It's a scary feeling.

Maybe if you set small goals for yourself at work then you would feel better? Or instead of heading to your job terrified that something will go wrong you can try your best to remain positive. Tell yourself it will be a good shift. Tell yourself it will be okay. Whenever you feel panic, don't fight it. I know it's scary but try to ride it out and tell yourself that it is okay. It is only anxiety and it cannot hurt you. Anxiety is a weird thing, the more you fight the feeling the longer it remains with you. Accepting the feeling makes it go away faster.

I honestly don't know how much help this was, but I really do wish you luck with your job. DR is the absolute worst, and being in a public situation outside your comfort zone can be a difficult thing.


----------



## semicharmedlife (Nov 6, 2014)

Thanks for your reply jaiespoir. I actually have thought of the worst case scenario if I really DID faint or have a panic attack, and you're probably right, people would probably just be concerned. However, I wouldn't really know what to say when I would later on have to explain why I fainted. I assumed if something extreme like this happens, they would assume I was on drugs and be forced to drug test me. But thinking about the worst thing that can happen would be they test me, and I pass. I don't really think I will ever faint either, it's just a thought that comes in my mind. Another thing that triggers my DR at work is large crowds, and I'm worried about Black Friday and all the crazy shoppers. But there will be so many people there, I will probably just blend in.


----------



## milpool (Nov 4, 2014)

semicharmedlife said:


> Thanks for your reply jaiespoir. I actually have thought of the worst case scenario if I really DID faint or have a panic attack, and you're probably right, people would probably just be concerned. However, I wouldn't really know what to say when I would later on have to explain why I fainted. I assumed if something extreme like this happens, they would assume I was on drugs and be forced to drug test me. But thinking about the worst thing that can happen would be they test me, and I pass. I don't really think I will ever faint either, it's just a thought that comes in my mind. Another thing that triggers my DR at work is large crowds, and I'm worried about Black Friday and all the crazy shoppers. But there will be so many people there, I will probably just blend in.


Hey dude have you ever considered seeing a psyche for your anxiety. I used to hate crowds but like everything the feeling dwindles over time. Its strange that youve had it bad for so long. I had it really bad for about a year and a half and then i finally moved school since i moved to a different neighborhood and it was the best thing in my life so much better. It strange Right after I changed I was like 80% fine for about 2 years, got an attack once that lasted the last 3 months of senior year which was probably brought on by the fast that I was barely passing, the anxiety must have pushed me over the edge into the DP stage after being pretty ok for so long. It sucks how work and school affect it when put under stress. So maybe you should consider a psyche if you can, I actually went once after the attack I had during senior year and just that singular visit was so reassuring, im going again soon because of the attack 3 weeks ago, which was set on by college stresses, financial aid, 20 page papers, no job or car, its evident what caused my outburst.


----------

