# Not sure if I even have DP



## Wanderlust (Mar 9, 2012)

In August, hard to believe it's been this long, I did some nitrous oxide (whip-it) at a party. Apparently, I've since learned, nitrous oxide has a dissociative effect on the user. Later in the week, I realized that I was still feeling pretty strange, and then I had a panic attack, fearing that I'd suffered brain damage or that my statis would be permanent (I've since come to accept that it might be).

See, I've been living in a thick brain fog for months. Although it's fluctuated in intensity, I can't say I've ever broken through it. It's like I'm in an altered state of consciousness and have been for my entire life. Time flys by when I'm enjoying myself so that all happiness is fleeting. I'm not as sharp as I used to be, I don't make memories and recall them as well. My relationships have all but disappeared, besides those with my parents. Everything has a drab quality to it, so I can't appreciate the best life has to offer (nature, food).

I generally am very calm about my condition, so I no longer panic anymore. In fact, the only problems in my life are those created by the brain fog. I just don't enjoy myself. I have no passions, no original thoughts, no fervor ... not like I used to. My only concern is that my fun years will disappear and, before I know it, I'll be a grown man disatisfied with my career.

So, is this consistant with anyone else's experience?


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## Guest (Mar 10, 2012)

Wanderlust said:


> In August, hard to believe it's been this long, I did some nitrous oxide (whip-it) at a party. Apparently, I've since learned, nitrous oxide has a dissociative effect on the user. Later in the week, I realized that I was still feeling pretty strange, and then I had a panic attack, fearing that I'd suffered brain damage or that my statis would be permanent (I've since come to accept that it might be).
> 
> See, I've been living in a thick brain fog for months. Although it's fluctuated in intensity, I can't say I've ever broken through it. It's like I'm in an altered state of consciousness and have been for my entire life. Time flys by when I'm enjoying myself so that all happiness is fleeting. I'm not as sharp as I used to be, I don't make memories and recall them as well. My relationships have all but disappeared, besides those with my parents. Everything has a drab quality to it, so I can't appreciate the best life has to offer (nature, food).
> 
> ...


need to explain more, havent really gave us much too work with, all of what you mentioned overlap with other mental illnesses.


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## Wanderlust (Mar 9, 2012)

Auldie said:


> need to explain more, havent really gave us much too work with, all of what you mentioned overlap with other mental illnesses.


Well, those symptoms best embody what I'm feeling. I'd say a good number of the usual Depersonalization/Derealization symptoms apply to me as well: You _could_ describe my world as having an unreal, dreamlike quality. You _could_ say I've lost autonomy and just go through the motions. But I feel like that's oversimplifying things, and comparitively I can't say. I've had periods of emotional numbness and "egolessness", broken up by little nice periods. Most of the time, I've been depressed. In the beginning, I remember that I felt somewhat detached from my limbs and reflexes. I suppose the whole situation has just isolated me from people. At first, I couldn't even interact correctly. I've adjusted, but I'm not nearly as smoothe as I'd normally be.

Thanks


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## real50tyson (Feb 20, 2012)

H'mm i also tried nitrous oxide at a party a couple weeks ago


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## emptybody (Jan 13, 2012)

> Well, those symptoms best embody what I'm feeling. I'd say a good number of the usual Depersonalization/Derealization symptoms apply to me as well: You could describe my world as having an unreal, dreamlike quality. You could say I've lost autonomy and just go through the motions. But I feel like that's oversimplifying things, and comparitively I can't say. I've had periods of emotional numbness and "egolessness", broken up by little nice periods. Most of the time, I've been depressed. In the beginning, I remember that I felt somewhat detached from my limbs and reflexes. I suppose the whole situation has just isolated me from people. At first, I couldn't even interact correctly. I've adjusted, but I'm not nearly as smoothe as I'd normally be.
> 
> Thanks


I feel the same way right now. I can't tell if I have it either, but I can relate to a lot of symptoms. I just don't feel like myself and I can't even remember what normal feels like anymore.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

I'm so glad I never did drugs......

Sounds like it could be. Might get a psych eval incase it's
something else. There aren't any medications for it really, so if it's bad you might want to see a therapist


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## Wanderlust (Mar 9, 2012)

Thanks. That's probably the only way forward, getting a therapist of some sort


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