# Worst Case of OCD Ever?



## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

Before I say anything, speak a word, I limit myself to a certain number of syllables per phrase or sentence (sometimes even per word itself).

Most of you guys, when seeing someone will just say, with no problems:

"Hi, how are you?"

4 syllables, so no problem.

But what about when I want to say something more complex, like:

"OK, that's pretty cool that you were able to finish the project with Laura."

So then, before I even say that, I get a mental picture that looks like:

1 O
2 K
3 that's
4 pret 
5 ty
6 cool
7 that
8 you
9 were
10 a
11 ble
12 to
13 fin
14 ish
15 the
16 proj
17 ect
18 with
19 Laur
20 a

(I don't know how to use boxes to separate, otherwise I would use those).

So the first thing I say is 4 syllables and the following is 20.

Then I do all kinds of other calculations after that, which determines what I'm allowed next.

At one point, I completely stopped speaking for almost 2 weeks.

It's like I have imposed communism on myself. I honest-to-God feel like I have no freedoms. Anything I do, before I do it, must go through a mental filter.

I also only shop in certain lanes or cues at the supermarket. Like any lane which is divisible by 2 or 3 or adds up to 17 when 4 is added or subtracted.

The calculations are always changing.

I also time myself before I speak. Like a mental "1-2-3" GO!

The problem is that if my timing is off on the very first thing out of my mouth, then it messes up everything else I had planned to say.

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 ... 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 ... 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 ... 1 - 2 - 3 - 4

I can't do this right, because of spatial limitations, but I tend to count inside my head, as I'm talking.

And a certain number of syllables needs to fall under the 1st 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 above, and every other 1-4 segment, as I'm thinking 1 - 2 - 3 - 4.

If my timing is off in the first 1-4 segment, I usually just stop talking altogether for a little while.

Otherwise, I'll have a hard time catching up, and sometimes will have to speak so fast, in order to finish "on time."

Has anyone heard of this? Doesn't this sound like one of the worst cases of OCD ever?

Help!!!!! :shock:

It's like I am slowly destroying myself.


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## Lunar Lander (Feb 17, 2006)

Nah, that's not the worst case I've heard of. Read some books about OCD and you'll find ones which are a lot worse. It does sound like OCD.

I actually find this fascinating that so many of us, myself included, seem to have panic attacks and OCD at the same time. It's just a pet theory of mine, but I tend to think that DP can happen if you have anxiety symptoms and keep obsessing about them, thus keeping them active. Everybody else feels lightheaded a bit and then maybe gets back to normal (they say 10% of otherwise healthy people have a panic attack in any given year), but we maybe examine it's effect on us or worry about what will happen as a consequence and get in this cycle.

OCD's treatable though, and they're finding the "pure obsessional" form is probably more common than when people do actual physical rituals. I used the book _Brain Lock_ with much success.


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## Guest (May 10, 2006)

Do you do other unusual things with numbers, or, are you otherwise obsessed with numbers?

I think this might have more to do with a number obsession than OCD per se; just my SOTI opinion. (Stanger On The Internet 8))

Do you have syllable parameters for typing?


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)




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## chiara (Nov 5, 2005)

1a, I guess thats one thing I wont have to worry about..I hate numbers. Of any kind. I hated math and I am not looking forward to my daughter starting elementary school because that will mean MATH!

I think youre pretty smart if you can think like that even though for you Im sure that it is annoying.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

A1, I am also highly math phobic and got light headed just reading what goes on in your head. I can't remember if you take any meds for this. It is a curse inside a gift. It is an over controlling as Miss Starling stated. Can you ever calm your brain down? OCD sucks. 

Miss Starling, you speak of your social insecurities, yet you pulled off a social meet up of some dp'ers which makes you quite a social organizer. I wish for you that you would have more faith in yourself.

Chira, hopefully you will make it to at least 7th grade math with your son. That's when I opened my daughter's math book and passed out from the math phob thing. :shock:


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

1A,
Just my 2 cents from someone who comes from a more biological background. I have a friend w/OCD, my husband has it, my father had it, a friend who took her life had it.

OCD can be extremely severe and debilitating. And with one friend, the anxiety it caused resulted in her having panic attacks with DP/DR.

W/this friend and my husband (who didn't get treatment early enough and was misdiagnosed for years), meds were a godsend. I think it depends on the severity you experience. The more debilitating, the more I would seek help. And explain these symptoms to a doctor.

You also had a post about seeing skeletons under people's skin or something.

I may be wrong, but you do seem to have excessive obsessions, and for instance your counting as I see it (may be wrong) is indeed a ritual... to control things?

I can't tell if you're symtpoms are more or less serious than anyone else's, but I forgot, if you haven't sought specific help for this, I'd bring it up with a shrink. For my husband (hoarder/clutterer -- very difficult to treat) first Prozac then Wellbutrin helped. For my friend who had religious fears and rituals Prozac helped immensely. No more panic or DP/DR either.

Both still have OC personalities.

Again, I may be completely wrong, but I believe OCD -- the disorder is medical. My friend with the rituals ... her half sister (same mother -- anxious as all Hell) has serious OCD. Contamination fears, need for strict control, etc. She also got help, mediation and therapy, and got married. She was 40 some odd. Her life was on hold save for a very high level control oriented job. She could't have relationships because of her OCD before that.

OCD is no joke. There are milder forms as well that indeed can be treated with CBT, exposure therapy. But don't eliminate the possiblity that this is a more serious condition for YOU.

We can't compare each other. If this has you impaired, you need some type of help, IMHO.

Take Care,
D


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

terri* said:


> A1, I am also highly math phobic and got light headed just reading what goes on in your head. I can't remember if you take any meds for this. It is a curse inside a gift. It is an over controlling as Miss Starling stated. Can you ever calm your brain down? OCD sucks.
> 
> Miss Starling, you speak of your social insecurities, yet you pulled off a social meet up of some dp'ers which makes you quite a social organizer. I wish for you that you would have more faith in yourself.
> 
> Chira, hopefully you will make it to at least 7th grade math with your son. That's when I opened my daughter's math book and passed out from the math phob thing. :shock:


Thanks a lot, guys. If my replies seem short, it's just because I'm kind of bummed out about things right now.

I wish I could calm my brain down. I do yoga breathing, but nothing really helps for more than 20 minutes at a time.

I agree with what you said about Miss Starling. She did get together with people in late April, I think it was. I'm not sure I would be able to arrange that and participate. So that is a great accomplishment.

I'm just trying to not think of anything for a while. The more I think about things, the worse it gets, a lot of times.

Thank you all for your support. I'm very happy there's so many great people here.

Jeff


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