# My Experience Thus Far....



## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

Hey guys,

im a 21 year old male from Ontario, Canada... heres my story...

I remember being about 15 or 16, a few buddies and i decided to smoke some weed (marijuana), this was my first or second time, i cant recall... looking back i smoked way too much at one time for being that young and inexperienced.... anyways, what happened was i blacked out, when i came to, i came to into kind of a dreamy state... it really fraaked me out, I was so sure i was in a dream, it was extremely scary at the time. I remember experiencing depersonalization/derealisiom after that incident, but the affects diminished over time. <-- (i think this was the main trigger)

About 3 weeks ago, i was out with some buddies, and i was heavily drinking, we went to a club and i was offered a mdma pill, in my dumb drunk state i accepted. I only took half of the pill and didnt feel the effects, but remember feeling something kick in, almost like a bad anxiety feeling came over me for a second, then went away.... a few days after i still felt like i was hung over from the MDMA, i started to slip into this weird state where i feel like im in a dream, and its been this way for 3 weeks. I have constant terrible anxiety, My vision feels almost blurry and things seem very unfimiliar, i have memmory problems and my life just seems to be a blur, my head feels numb, sometimes my ears ring, and i feel weird sensations in it from time to time, my eyes feel heavy like im high, its almost as if im stuck in a bad dream/ a constant bad high/ a different state. Its not like it goes away or anything, the anxiety might ease up at times, but i constantly have this vision feeling where its like foggy and im in a dream. I was honest with my doctor and told him everything and he said it should pass... and gave me some lorazapam/clonazipam. i only take the lorazapam when i really need it, when i feel super hopeless like this feeling wont go away and its almost like a claustrophobic trapped feeling like this, feeling.









I was also told to stop searching google for answers, it will diminish on its own. Its almost coming onto a month and im starting to feel pretty hopeless that im going to feel like this for quite a while/the rest of my life. I know i fucked up and made a terrible mistake by taking that drug, but for such an insignificant ammount im surprised its having such an impact on my life. (could be from mixing it with alcohol, who really knows when your messing with chemicals)

Sorry for making this so long, its actually a bit of a relief to get this off my chest, as i have only told my dad, brother, and wonderful supportive girlfriend, (not to mention my general practitioner) I have been working out every day (cardio + weights) , eating very healthy, taking vitamins, Fish oils trying to see some sort of improvement on this mentally paralyzing condition im faced with... no luck yet, it seems like im starting to get used to living in this state, but when i actually think about it, it makes me cringe that i might have to live like this for the rest of my life and fuck up the quality of the only life that i have....

Has anyone experienced what i have been going through? Is there any light at the end of the tunnel? I remember i had this happen a few times to me but went away within a week...

Anyways guys, thanks for reading this, and i appreciate any replies in regards.

Nathan Cruise, Ontario Canada.


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## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)




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## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

DrakeDrizzy said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> im a 21 year old male from Ontario, Canada... heres my story...
> 
> ...


Hey neighbour,

I'm a 20 year old female from Ontario

Just want to let you know that for sure you'll get better. I've had moments of dp/dr after smoking weed (which I rarely did to begin with) and I've recently had dp for a few months.. but I've noticed with time.. you learn to accept the feelings.. and the more you accept them, the more it motivates you to just keep yourself busy. No matter how scary it gets, keep yourself distracted! Try anything and everything.. because trust me, eventually you're gnna get so tired of being scared of all the time you're gonna start to learn to distract yourself anyway.

So, keep taking your meds, get proper sleep and stay away from drugs and alch! Eventually you will feel more better.. gradually over time, you'll go back to normal without even realizing when you started feeling normal again.


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## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

outlaw said:


> Hey neighbour,
> 
> I'm a 20 year old female from Ontario
> 
> ...


thanks for your reply, i feel a little bit better today, been lifting weights again and doing atleast 15 minutes of intese cardio a day, taking multi vitamins, omega 3, it has helped a bit, the thing that bothers me the most is my vision, its almost as if my vision is faded and blurry, and my ears ring a little bit.... it almost makes me think i gave myself brain damage...


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## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

DrakeDrizzy said:


> thanks for your reply, i feel a little bit better today, been lifting weights again and doing atleast 15 minutes of intese cardio a day, taking multi vitamins, omega 3, it has helped a bit, the thing that bothers me the most is my vision, its almost as if my vision is faded and blurry, and my ears ring a little bit.... it almost makes me think i gave myself brain damage...


You're definitely on the right path. Trust me, there's nothing wrong with you, if there was, the doctor would have scared you.. and would have ran more tests and procedures, etc. I told my doctor everything too.. and he gave me the reassurance I needed, just like your doctor did, he said it should pass and it will.

Whenever your vision gets annoying and your ears start to ring.. just let them be, I mean it's annoying and makes no sense.. but give it it's one second of fame and then go on with your day.. that's what ive been doing.. i have random mooments in the day where I can't feel my body sometimes.. and as scary as it is i just go.. well yesterday Icouldn't feel my feet either but I'm still here today and I will be here tomorrow too!


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## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

outlaw said:


> You're definitely on the right path. Trust me, there's nothing wrong with you, if there was, the doctor would have scared you.. and would have ran more tests and procedures, etc. I told my doctor everything too.. and he gave me the reassurance I needed, just like your doctor did, he said it should pass and it will.
> 
> Whenever your vision gets annoying and your ears start to ring.. just let them be, I mean it's annoying and makes no sense.. but give it it's one second of fame and then go on with your day.. that's what ive been doing.. i have random mooments in the day where I can't feel my body sometimes.. and as scary as it is i just go.. well yesterday Icouldn't feel my feet either but I'm still here today and I will be here tomorrow too!


i had this a few times and it went away after a week.... this one feels different, its like im unable to focus on my life properly, theres something wrong within my i just cant pinpoint exactly what it is... its hard to enplane. Im gonna keep at it and keep you updated lol.


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## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

DrakeDrizzy said:


> i had this a few times and it went away after a week.... this one feels different, its like im unable to focus on my life properly, theres something wrong within my i just cant pinpoint exactly what it is... its hard to enplane. Im gonna keep at it and keep you updated lol.


There's definitely something wrong within for me! Even though I've been getting by now I just feel depressed.. but it's still better then being completely anxious and parranoid all the time. Please do keep me updated because I have a feeling you're gonna be back to normal soon


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## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

Every day seems to be getting a little bit easier. I notice i always seem to dwell on how im feeling, and want to research more into what i can do to get myself back to normal, and when i do research and read up on negative things, it makes my anxiety kick in pretty hard and its like to cycle starts again, because i feel like this shit might not go away. Every day does seem to get better, and i dont know if i am just starting to get used to how im feeling, or if im slowly starting to feel better, but whatever it is it gives me hope. Im a firm believer of things happening for a reason, and i think this was a little bit of a wakeup call (once again) on how fragile life is, and how easily one thing can fuck up your whole life, or how life can just be taken from you in a blink of an eye. Because of this i have quit smoking cigarettes, started back at the gym doing weighttraining, and cardio, and eating healthy. I feel as if the negative things we go through help us become stronger in a sense. This situation has shook me up pretty good to the point where i cant even fathom drinking alcohol and smoking, and recreationaly doing a drug (wich is pretty hard for a 21 year old guy to do, since all my peers are still into that







). Even though what i have been feeling is pretty intense, when i keep busy i can honestly say i don't notice it, even though some situations that i have always been comfortable doing, feel nerve-wracking and make me want to avoid them.

I guess time heals all.

Thanks for reading

Nate


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## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

ok after reading people replys in the "Stories" section, it has definitely triggered my DP/DR hardcore.

im staying away from this site for a while i need to get my mind away from this shit.

this ruined my night.


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## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

honestly the trick to getting rid of DP/DR is ignoring it, and time.... I WAS ALMOST THERE!!!

i just fucked myself for recalling past events, i feel like right now all my progress was gone, my anxiety kicked in 100 percent, my visions fucked right now and i feel like im dreaming....

whatever you do dont read other people symptoms and all that.


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## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

DrakeDrizzy said:


> honestly the trick to getting rid of DP/DR is ignoring it, and time.... I WAS ALMOST THERE!!!
> 
> i just fucked myself for recalling past events, i feel like right now all my progress was gone, my anxiety kicked in 100 percent, my visions fucked right now and i feel like im dreaming....
> 
> whatever you do dont read other people symptoms and all that.


Just realize that you already beat this feeling before.. it's just a FEELING. don't let it take over because even if you DO have a panic attack, nothing's going to happen!


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## Guest (Jun 8, 2010)

DrakeDrizzy said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> im a 21 year old male from Ontario, Canada... heres my story...
> 
> ...


nobody cares


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

FacesAreBlank said:


> nobody cares


RUDE! YES WE DO CARE!

It doesn't sound like you'll have it for very long and you are doing everything in the right direction for recovery. Keep it up and socialize and try to ignore the feeling. Have fun anyway don't be depressed about it or sit around go out and do stuff. You'll see every day it will get less and less. You sound like a strong person keep it up!


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## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

thanks rogue.... unfortunately, im still messed up, i think it has even manifested iteself even worse... it sucks....

Hopefully one day i can have that feeling i once had months back....


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## Guest (Jul 22, 2010)

DrakeDrizzy said:


> thanks rogue.... unfortunately, im still messed up, i think it has even manifested iteself even worse... it sucks....
> 
> Hopefully one day i can have that feeling i once had months back....


It can, and will end, pal. Yeah, perhaps you shouldn't read other people's horror stories. The more you fight it and try to suppress or ignore it, you may deepen it. I had it for two years, but turned it into a mostly positive experience. I'm new here and have posted once in the Introductions section. If you read my post you may find it uplifting. IDK. But, I wish you the best. Although it may seem like an eternity, it will eventually end.


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## Sportsking831 (Jul 22, 2010)

DrakeDrizzy said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> im a 21 year old male from Ontario, Canada... heres my story...
> 
> ...


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## Sportsking831 (Jul 22, 2010)

DrakeDrizzy said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> im a 21 year old male from Ontario, Canada... heres my story...
> 
> ...


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## Sportsking831 (Jul 22, 2010)

hey man im from CT in the Us... and yeah man no worries i had dp from either smoking a lot at once which was my 2nd time also but also from lyme disease.. All you need to know is that it will go away with time... just go with the flow.... because you cant really do anything about it hahaha... just stick in there... ull be fine... research some vitamins you can take to help with the symptoms and just think positive which i know is hard at times..

Just stick in there man.. you will get through this!!


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## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

Hey guys, i just wanted to update everyone on how im feeling... i has been over 3 months now since i have been stuck in this state... it has only gotten a tiny bit better (i think the anxiety has gone down because i started to accept it over time) but im stuckk stuck in this state... my vision is grainy and i have static vision, i still feel like im stuck in a dreamworld/stuck in a bad high... i get random twitches... headaches, sleeping for like 10 hours a day and still feeling tired all day... dont really want to do anything cause i tried to workout for 2 months, and it didnt really help... been taking st john wart, l-thanine, vitamin b complex, omega 3, flaxceed, and garlic pills... not sure if they have helped or not i still feel fucked up....

Sometimes i just cant believe im stuck in this state, and im afraid this has potentially ruined my life... i can still function just the quality of life has been sucked outta me, i went from bring always in a good mood, happy, energentic, fun, adventurous, to feeling hopeless and depressed... especially since my family doctor isnt much help he wants to chalk it up to anxiety and depression.... and said the only thing he can do for me is give me SSRI's.... or try cognitive behavioral therapy, but that takes months to get in cause theres a "waiting list"... even went to a mental health clinic, the nurse there wasnt really fimiliar with derealization (what i think i have) and basicly once again said it was anxiety from the MDMA i took.... Just dont understand why this shit is lingering for so long.....

I almost feel like how do i know if i have Derealization, i think my symptoms are so severe it feels like i messed up my brain.... or atleast chemicaly imbalanced it.... why does it take so long to rebalance itself? I told myself my last option was to take SSRI's if it didnt go away, im afraid of it getting worse if i take that shit... but im to the point now where i minds well just give it a try.... what do i have to loose my fucking amazing life is already fucked up cause of this shit.....

sorry for being so negative, ive been postive for these past 3 months and i havent seen much of an improvment so im starting to loose hope and feel like im going to be stuck in this fucked up state for the rest of my life....


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## DrakeDrizzy (Jun 5, 2010)

3 and a half months in and its still not looking good...


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