# Scared of going to bed



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I'm scared of going to bed. I know I'll wake up fifty times panicking, not knowing where I am. I just want to relax and feel like I used to. 
I want to wake up in the morning, feeling great and having forgotten all about this nightmare.

I'll go have a cig now, try and clear my head out in the fresh air on the balcony. It's kinda nice to look at all the tiny lights in the distance.

To think I once had a life.

Blah.


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## Guest (Apr 12, 2009)

Bed time is a mixed blessing for me. On the one hand I know that I'm going to have to deal with my racing, incoherent, disturbing thoughts, in the dark, with no external stimuli to take my mind off them. On the other hand, I know that if and when I do manage to control them to such an extent that I manage to fall asleep, that I'll have a few hours of relative normality.

On average I wake up once a night in a state of total confusion where I have to turn on the light and stare at an everyday object until I've grounded myself.

I'd advise you to stop smoking so close to bed time. The same with caffeinated drinks. Both of these things are known to exacerbate DP anyway, and if you're doing one or both of them near bed time, then you're just making it more difficult for yourself. I might also suggest maybe looking into some herbal sleeping remedies. Valerian root is a natural sedative agent and anxiolytic which mimicks the action of benzodiazepines. That might be able to take some of the fear out of going to bed.

What medication are you taking generally?


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Either of you try sleeping with a fan on? I find the constant humming to be relaxing and it helps me sleep.


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## Guest (Apr 12, 2009)

No, but if there's a current NASA mission happening, I'll have a laptop with NASA TV playing in the background. The radio chatter is relaxing to me. Plus it puts the 'I'm lying here in bed, scared by nothing more than my own thoughts whilst these astronauts are flying around the Earth at 17,500 m.p.h, 200 miles away from their loved ones, in a pressurised can, constantly being bombarded with high-energy radiation, literally pissing their bone mass out, and one micrometeorite away from guaranteed death with little or no hope of rescue' notion in your head which helps somewhat by reminding you how ridiculous and unjustified DP is.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Brain Candy said:


> No, but if there's a current NASA mission happening, I'll have a laptop with NASA TV playing in the background. The radio chatter is relaxing to me. Plus it puts the 'I'm lying here in bed, scared by nothing more than my own thoughts whilst these astronauts are flying around the Earth at 17,500 m.p.h, 200 miles away from their loved ones, in a pressurised can, constantly being bombarded with high-energy radiation, literally pissing their bone mass out, and one micrometeorite away from guaranteed death with little or no hope of rescue' notion in your head which helps somewhat by reminding you how ridiculous and unjustified DP is.


True, but my fan doesn't have a cover on it. I could easily walk past it and smack an elbow or something. That could really hurt.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

:lol: Thanks, great advice!

I'll stop smoking before bedtime and see if that helps. I use Bachs Rescue Remedy a couple times a day, it tastes like whisky, and helps taking the edge of things (I'm wondering if it actually _is_ Whisky). And I have camomile tea, its supposed to be calming. I go to sleep with a relaxing soundtrack on my iPod, it sounds like running water and is great once you get over the reflex of having to pee.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Mornings are the worst, whenever I am feeling crappy.

I had finally been feeling better in the mornings but the last few mornings I get the damn thing where waking up feels like i'm being born again in a strange world. Everything seems odd, I feel panicked, and I feel like i'm in some sort of alternate universe. It doesn't fully go away until i've popped my morning Klonopin.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

This is my third time with dp/dr, and this time around I swear it's worse than ever. I can't remember being so scared the last time, or feeling so confused. I agree, mornings are the worst. I feel like I am in someone elses house, or that reality is something completely new. I'm shocked at how bad one can feel, and to think there's millions experiencing this.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

york said:


> This is my third time with dp/dr, and this time around I swear it's worse than ever. I can't remember being so scared the last time, or feeling so confused. I agree, mornings are the worst. I feel like I am in someone elses house, or that reality is something completely new. I'm shocked at how bad one can feel, and to think there's millions experiencing this.


My 3rd time as well, and also the worst - though DP/DR themselves are different this time and less prominent. I've got a whole laundry list of other anxiety/OCD, etc. problems going on with me right now.

You know that you can get better though, you've done it before. Hang in there.


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## singer24 (Sep 30, 2008)

i feel like i dont know where i am 24/7!!!!!!! arggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh
its horrible!!!!!!


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

I wouldnt smoke before you go to bed pal, its a stimulant and keeps you awake. I have an horrrendous time sleeping, I have panic attacks when im drifting in and out of sleep, I wake up thinking where the fuck am I. Its not nice, but hey just something else to grind you down lol


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2009)

Speaking of sleep, has anyone noticed enhanced or more frequent Hypnagogic jerking whilst you've had DP? For those who're not familiar, it's that phenomenon where you're just starting to go to drift off to sleep and suddenly - shazam! - get the feeling you're falling and sort of jump. I could swear they're more common and more, uh, _jerky _since I've had DP.

I think in the past I've noticed they're more prevalent when you're tired. And DP has played havok with the quality and duration of my sleep and made me exhausted generally, so it'd make sense.

How did the trip to the doc's go wobbler?


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## Mcren (Mar 30, 2009)

I'mnot sure. I've had these my whole life so I don't think that their related to dp/dr.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I get that a lot too. I've always had Hypnagogic hallucinations, or hypnopope, the once you get when you start to wake up, but not since getting dp back. Now it's the opposite, I wake up and things seem real for a second and I freak out.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

Brain Candy said:


> Speaking of sleep, has anyone noticed enhanced or more frequent Hypnagogic jerking whilst you've had DP? For those who're not familiar, it's that phenomenon where you're just starting to go to drift off to sleep and suddenly - shazam! - get the feeling you're falling and sort of jump. I could swear they're more common and more, uh, _jerky _since I've had DP.
> 
> I think in the past I've noticed they're more prevalent when you're tired. And DP has played havok with the quality and duration of my sleep and made me exhausted generally, so it'd make sense.
> *
> How did the trip to the doc's go wobbler?*


He told me I had to go back on antid's i told him they dont work, he said there is nothing else they can do really, so i told him there was no point me being there and just walked out. They are such an odd breed of people GP's, its like they have no sense of logic and just follow rules. The guy was like "well you need to go back to uni" and i said its a waste of time feeling like this, to which he replied, "itl get better" I was thinking, YOU PATRONISING GIT, this isnt like a common cold, its destroyed my life. oh well, didnt expect much else to be ohnest, gonna have to pay to see a private psych again :x :x :x


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2009)

You should've got him to make you a referral to psychiatry. GPs', even the best ones, knowledge of psychiatry is rudimentary. Did he suggest going back on an anti-depressant you've already taken, or a different one?


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## Guest (Apr 17, 2009)

I keep a movie on when I sleep but it has to be a movie that makes me feel really comfortable. I find that the light and the other people talking makes you feel like your not so isolated. try it. concentrate on the movie while your laying down and eventually you will feel more comfortable. some of the movies i use are, any james bond movie, or any action movies are the best.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

dancingwobbler said:


> He told me I had to go back on antid's i told him they dont work, he said there is nothing else they can do really, so i told him there was no point me being there and just walked out. They are such an odd breed of people GP's, its like they have no sense of logic and just follow rules. The guy was like "well you need to go back to uni" and i said its a waste of time feeling like this, to which he replied, "itl get better" I was thinking, YOU PATRONISING GIT, this isnt like a common cold, its destroyed my life. oh well, didnt expect much else to be ohnest, gonna have to pay to see a private psych again :x :x :x


Did you ask about Benzos?


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

Matt210 said:


> dancingwobbler said:
> 
> 
> > He told me I had to go back on antid's i told him they dont work, he said there is nothing else they can do really, so i told him there was no point me being there and just walked out. They are such an odd breed of people GP's, its like they have no sense of logic and just follow rules. The guy was like "well you need to go back to uni" and i said its a waste of time feeling like this, to which he replied, "itl get better" I was thinking, YOU PATRONISING GIT, this isnt like a common cold, its destroyed my life. oh well, didnt expect much else to be ohnest, gonna have to pay to see a private psych again :x :x :x
> ...


Man i ask everytime i go, the guys always say, "we dont prescribe them at this clinic". Its no big deal, im just waiting until I have a complete breakdown, which is going to be soon and im gonna go back to hospital. I think watching all my friends graduate this year and me looking at what ive wasted/how happy i could have been/watching all of them moving off is going to send me over the edge, thinking about it now makes my stomach turn. I do think its kinda funny in a way how horribly disturbed I feel at times considering Hitler went through his entire life without a care in the world and exterimated around 15 million people. This type of thought has changed my perception of life, there is quite clearly no divine plan/no hope for a better world, we are all just animals who live eat shit fuck and die.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

dancingwobbler said:


> They are such an odd breed of people GP's, its like they have no sense of logic and just follow rules.


Very true


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Matt210 said:


> Did you ask about Benzos?





dancingwobbler said:


> Man i ask everytime i go, the guys always say, "we dont prescribe them at this clinic". Its no big deal, im just waiting until I have a complete breakdown, which is going to be soon and im gonna go back to hospital.


Send me your address and I will send you some to try - i'm serious. Another doctor ignorant towards people in mental agony, what do you know. You should at least try them, they could very possibly help you a lot and have helped a lot of people from here.



> I think watching all my friends graduate this year and me looking at what ive wasted/how happy i could have been/watching all of them moving off is going to send me over the edge, thinking about it now makes my stomach turn.


I have the same issue going on except they will be graduating next year, but it's always in the back of my mind that I'm not going to be there with them.



> I do think its kinda funny in a way how horribly disturbed I feel at times considering Hitler went through his entire life without a care in the world and exterimated around 15 million people. This type of thought has changed my perception of life, there is quite clearly no divine plan/no hope for a better world, we are all just animals who live eat shit flower* and die.


Never have thought of it that way but you have a really good fuckking point.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

dancingwobbler said:


> Man i ask everytime i go, the guys always say, "we dont prescribe them at this clinic". Its no big deal, im just waiting until I have a complete breakdown, which is going to be soon and im gonna go back to hospital. I think watching all my friends graduate this year and me looking at what ive wasted/how happy i could have been/watching all of them moving off is going to send me over the edge, thinking about it now makes my stomach turn. I do think its kinda funny in a way how horribly disturbed I feel at times considering Hitler went through his entire life without a care in the world and exterimated around 15 million people. This type of thought has changed my perception of life, there is quite clearly no divine plan/no hope for a better world, we are all just animals who live eat shit flower* and die.


Just bizarre to say they don't prescribe them at that clinic. I understand being cautious about prescribing Benzos because they are addictive, but you are clearly in distress - you make it very clear how awful things have been for you. I bet you would willingly trade an addiction for calmness and happiness, it is beyond irresponsible to deprive you of that if they could help you. They may not be the answer for you but its a damn shame not to be able to try them.

As for the second part of your post - it's depressing but perhaps accurate. There may be no order, and nothing but chaos - but it IS possible to make the most of this fucked up random chaos. Divine plan or not, life can be bliss when its all going well - you have to strive to get back there. Don't worry about the time you've wasted. People who suffer this much end up appreciating life so much more when they get better - you'll do double the living once you get things under control.

As always - hang on!


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