# does your sense of self come back?



## zedelghemkid (Feb 14, 2010)

A little bit of background on me: i've been suffering from (only) depersonalization for the past 5 months, and the struggle started off horrific, balanced out and now its bearable as i'm on medication and i've been doing exercise.

I put this in the on the road to recovery as i honestly believe i am on that road as after these long 5 months i've been having transient tastes of lucidity. 
What i wanted to know was if our sense of self comes back? I no longer feel strange when i look in the mirror, as i can recognize myself about 80 percent. During these moments of lucidity i noticed that i wasn't finding the sound of my own voice strange. It was amazing.

my only problem is with my sense of self. When i talk my voice still sounds out of synch with my mind most of the time, and that thing that used to be there which informed me about who i was is still gone (sense of self).

I really want it back and i'm hoping therapy and exercise help.

to those who recovered did things come back slowly or did you wake up one day or have a moment where things just switched back to normal? i want to know what to look out for.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Hi. I'm sort of wondering the same, as I'm having the worst experience of DP I've ever had. It sounds a bit like we are in the same place; The DP is more managable for me aswell, but my sense of self is gone, or strange/unfamiliar.

I'll tell you about the first two times I had this, where I "recovered". The first time was horrible and it took me two years to stop thinking about DP. _When_ my "self" came back, I really don't know, and I think I never knew if it was really "me". But life was good for 12 years after recovering anyway. I just went on with my life and always thought of the whole experience as an insane amount of anxiety I got rid of over time.

Next time was as I said 12 years later, 2008, and then it was bad, but not nearly as bad as then, or now. It was more a sense of being in a fog, being removed from reality, but things didn't seem unfamiliar, and my sense of self was more intact. Then it just all went away gradually with the anxiety lessening (the anxiety lessened as I started to "fake" being normal, going out, socializing etc). Dr and dp faded very quickly after four months, finding out I was pregnant.. The power of distraction I guess..

After the last time, I couldn't even remember what it had felt like having DP.

I myself can't really understand how one minute (so to speak) you are dp'd, and then you are o.k again. It's like, when you really recover, dp seems like such a waste of energy, and just surreal, an illusion. It's really like waking up, or sobering up for those of you who've been wasted, you can't believe what you dreamt/thought/did.

So, it's possible to recover, but I don't know if it depends on how ill you've been. And it's a gradual thing, even though it can be as little as hours if you haven't had it too bad.


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## Guest (Feb 22, 2010)

I've been through this twice. I am recovering right now and I can tell you that yes, your sense of self does come back. The first time I recovered it was only for about 2 weeks but my sense of self fully returned. This time, my sense of self is just coming back. Yesterday it was fully back. Today it doesn't seem quiet completely there. So I guess maybe it is gradual.


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## emma (Feb 12, 2010)

I'm wondering the same. I feel like I'm so far away from self. and i Dont know what I can do about it. If this is my life then this is it. But I can emagine my self come back,. I have had this for 6 month. but I have trust to my self that It will come back.


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## maddiemermaid (Apr 8, 2014)

Yes! Mine did- it was random actually- durring winter break when I was getting a lot more sleep and not working out too much. I was just working on a science fair project one day, digging in the dirt and it was like my sense of self just switched back on when I wasn't thinking about myself. Crazy right? From that point on i realized that if you completely forget to worry about yourself then you will already be youself- it took a while to take my mind completely off myself but when I finially got back to being myself it felt awesome. BUT... it didn't last... I got sleep deprived and put on the the wrong meds for depression and I slowly regressed into a different form of myself again.

I'm relying on myself to get back to "being myself again when I get more sleep and get out of the stress of school but who knows what could happen. My teenage identity crisis peaked at an emotional void where I could copy anyone's personality and still have my thoughts and emotions in synch- which was weird because it wasn't my true self still, but eventually my emotions turned into extreem anger- after a day of rage that I calmed down and then had my moment of yay! I got my self back and started getting better. But I completely understand the whole "mind's thoughts not being one with your emotional sense of self"- that sucks the most. The way my psychotherapist puts it is that "I have lost the remote to my emotions and now I am more vurnerable to the emotions of other people." However when I get that sense of self back again things will be okay. Sorry this post is kind of all over the place.


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## Thidwick (May 30, 2012)

Fearless said:


> 1.) Your sense of self doesn't COME back. It is still there, it is just overlapped by negative feelings.
> 
> 2.) Your normal state doesn't COME back either, YOU will make it come back by doing the neccessary work. I am writing against these "come"s because your sense of self is not someone who can come and go on it's own. It is all in your hands.
> 
> ...


Co-sign.

What people should realize about recovery is that it isn't instant. There is no magic moment when it simply melts away. It will gradually fade away, which is why it is so hard for many to recover -- they begin feeling better but freak out because their symptoms don't vanish. Their anxiety stays high and recovery is prolonged.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Just wondering . Sometimes my sense of self is gone so long it doesn't bother me anymore what bothers me is that I cant understand what I'm doing here and that ive hat arrived but yet I none things. Could it be that I'm deprwsonalized and thats why these thoughts occur. Because ur sense of self is what grounds u in reality and in ur place in the world and how u make sense of things?


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Yes I agree with u fearless that it is just a feeling. What I mean is do things fall back into place wine i feel like Katie, a person again. I'm doing a lot work in therepy uncovering pain. And after a year of benign symotno.free I am.now more dissociated then ever because integrating all my feelings over the last month was debilitating I cried all day ever day and.felt pain like never before. I guess I didn't take it and.now I'm cut off again. But I'm trying to let that feeling pass but ofcourse its very hard for me to believe feeling I have now is dp. Because its a strange one.compared to what I felt before. Its like being.aware that I'm supposed to play along with life but knowing that I'm supposed to and feel I cannot unthink.this way.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

I guess what I mean is I'm the observer. Not that I feel like I'm not touching things or that its not me but just that I'm observing life as a whole hard to explain. Sorry I am typing on my phone and my previous message is very strange looking and some words are incorrect.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Well I am. But working on all my traumas was traumatic in.itself as I felt fears nd pain that were unbearable. Because of that alone I went back into a.severe existential state and although my logic knows why ive done this. I need reassurance when I'm in a fearful state. U are talking to us or me or whoever from a calm state. But I'm talking from a fearful mind. Who wouldn't want to know they will be play. Anyone who experiences these symptoms knows its very hard to belivee they are symptoms because they really do trick you hotly. And knowledge and logic do.not.come into it when ur terrified


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

I agree and I can see this happening. So I am sitting here crying now from the pain of buried emotions not because I feel like I shot understand what I'm doing here.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

And I've been hysterical crying for six weeks. How much buried emotion can one have. I must be in a lot of pain


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Okay then what's the answer I'm just in a state of confusion. I feel like I don't understand anything at all. Yes this is a symptom but its making me break down I literally cannot hold it in.


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## Thidwick (May 30, 2012)

I understand how you feel. This week has been something of a mini-relapse for me. But the answer isn't to analyze your symptoms or worry about what may happen. It's tough, but you must accept your condition. If you question it, if you're always worried about if things are going to get better, it will tire you out mentally and keep your anxiety running high. Your mind needs time to heal. Let it relax and be patient, and the healing will come. I've had two major episodes of DP, a couple of mini-relapses, and periodic moments of DP here and there. The answer has always been to accept it, move on, and live my life like nothing changed. Don't fight it -- by doing so, you only make it worse.


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## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

I have to agree with everything on here....about just accept it and it will go.........

i've had it a few times in my life....the last time i thought that it was gone for good.... so much so i cant even remeber having it really! i couldnt even remember this website addy! even though i used to live on this site...... was 6 years ago.... a fairytale 6 years!!!

last time i got rid of this i had prolonged anxiety worry about everything like we all do (hopefully i'm cutting that period short this time as i know all about it)..... i tried every relaxation technique, every vitamin, stopped caffeine etc..... but eventually i recovered.... was weird...like everyone else... i dont remmeber recovering! just you might go a few weeks withough analyzing your every second...then one day your sitting in the cinema and think fuck...everything is 3d and real!!!!! about by that point your so far out of it you dont give a fuck and and it disaapears....

what i do rememebr is last time i recovered by the end i stopped all the crazy vitamins, eating rituals, relaxing cds etc...as mainly i was too busy living....

this will happen again...... i've had episodes over the years.... but i just let the thoughts play out in my head while i still interact with the world and it goes in hours/days/weeks...it never bothered me.....

this time i got in too deep with anxiety, ignored every trigger... didnt do anything to prevent extreme negative emotion and BAM!!! i'm back on the vitamins, relaxation cd's etc......hahaha!! these if anything are helping but they are also a constant reminder of DP! once i recovered last time i was scared of coffee! or energy drinks which was a constant reminder every time i went to the supermarket or starbucks.... few years into recovery i ended up the biggest coffee conisuier (spelling?!) out there.... that defo wasnt a trigger...but if i ever felt anxious i would still cut it out

so i do believe in the early stages do what you have to, to ease the anxiety but set rituals will keep you constantly thinking about DP and the effect these rituals have on your DP...

keep up your life pre DP (as hard as it is) do your best! ....eventually you wont have time for DP!!

i used to say that in my mind "i dont have time for this shit" ---- quick burst of positivity

re assure yourself that this is your brain doing you a favour to protect you fropm the extreme stress/anxiety etc..... it goes.....

dont fight it let if be (i'm still fighting it!! haha .... i'm trying)

i'm struggling with music at the minute as its not generating any feelings of emotion so it was stressing me out...so instead i've been listening to comedy podcasts!...i'm laughing my tits off! gotta be a good thing....

keep plugging away.... but most importantly just accept it...its helped you out.... relax and let it run its course.. (thats the mantra that works...i'm still struggling to put it into practice)

good luck


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## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

Agreed...I.m still fighting it.the only time I feel normal is typing on here....

Which i know is delaying my recovery.. I need to get off this forum! Ha..it's catch 22!! This makes me feel better..reassuringly but not speeding up recovery.... Bet few recovery stories are captured due to people getting so far out of it they Dare not re visit the site...

Think I'm taking tomorrow of this site... My goal for tomorrow (was today's also) also gonna stop replaying good memories in my head...that's probs also counter productive.... Initial hit but fades... Keeps the mind whizzing... Need to give it silence


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## jared2654 (Nov 1, 2021)

THANK YOU I REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR THIS AS I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS AND I WAS REALLY SCARED OF WHAT IS TO HAPPEN WHEN WE RECOVER. I THOUGHT MAYBE THE EXPERIENCE WAS SO BAD THAT IT WOULD CHANGE SOMETHING ABOUT YOU


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## jared2654 (Nov 1, 2021)

Guest said:


> I've been through this twice. I am recovering right now and I can tell you that yes, your sense of self does come back. The first time I recovered it was only for about 2 weeks but my sense of self fully returned. This time, my sense of self is just coming back. Yesterday it was fully back. Today it doesn't seem quiet completely there. So I guess maybe it is gradual.


can yo tell me what you have been doing to recover?


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## jared2654 (Nov 1, 2021)

Guest said:


> I've been through this twice. I am recovering right now and I can tell you that yes, your sense of self does come back. The first time I recovered it was only for about 2 weeks but my sense of self fully returned. This time, my sense of self is just coming back. Yesterday it was fully back. Today it doesn't seem quiet completely there. So I guess maybe it is gradual.


does your feelings come back too


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