# Looking for some fellow sufferers to converse with



## GoneInSpace (Apr 14, 2008)

Hello,

I am new to this forum. I am 24 years old and have been experiencing severe depersonalisation and anxiety and depression since I was 15. I have had to lead a severely limited life, and now at his point I can no longer leave my house with out having the depersonalisation feeling, which has lead to catastrophe. So now I stay at home, and am looking for others to chat with. At one time I viewed my condition positively, like I had touched true reality or God or enlightenment or what have you. But reality and practicality have kicked in, and now this condition is a disease straight from hell. The only ways I have been able to cope in the past have been to be extremly medicated, but it is hard to function all doped up. All joy and spontaneity from life have dissapeared. It is a double edged sword because when I am not medicated, I cannot live, and when I am, I feel like a zombie, and find life pointless.

I try very hard not to be negative, and there are many things in life which I love and want to experience, but now I feel like I have to be a recluse and eventually will end up penniless and destitute.

Anyway, I am interested in knowing how others feel, and how they manage to cope. I would also like to know what symptoms others experience. For me, the most terrifying is the feeling of being out of my body, watching myself as if on a screen and not being control or in my body. When this happens, I act irrationally, and have even tried to cause self-harm just to see if I was still alive, or if I am a ghost wandering around another dimension.

It would be worthwhile for me to have joined this forum if I could help others even if I find no help for myself.

Thanks.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hi goneinspace. Nice to meet you and welcome to the board. I am 20 and have had severe DP for over a year now. I dropped out of school and now I just stay at home most days playing online poker and watching tv. If you want to chat feel free to message me, I'm always down for talking to people about Dp and meeting new people who have experienced similar things that I have. I know what you mean about feeling like you are going to be penniless, I don't even have the motivation to get up in the morning let alone start a job, family, life heh. The worst feeling for me is feeling like I am a ghost and watching my life from the point as if it has already happened and that I am already dead. Sucks. Well I try to stay positive too but somedays it's hard. If you want to chat I have AIM and my screen name is the same as on here.


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## lovestorms (Apr 14, 2008)

GoneInSpace said:


> Hello,
> 
> Anyway, I am interested in knowing how others feel, and how they manage to cope. I would also like to know what symptoms others experience. For me, the most terrifying is the feeling of being out of my body, watching myself as if on a screen and not being control or in my body. When this happens, I act irrationally, and have even tried to cause self-harm just to see if I was still alive, or if I am a ghost wandering around another dimension.
> 
> Thanks.


I'm 39 years old and I'm just relieved to know that someone else is going through this. For me it started as a teenager. I relate to the ghost analogy, I used to walk around feeling like no one saw me, I wasn't real, they were real and I wasn't. I felt like going up to strangers and asking if they could see me standing right in front of them. Scariest feeling ever. Another one is I feel like my soul is just going to jump up out of my body from the top of my head and if I don't grab on to something physical, I'll just leave my body altogether. Think Near Death Experience that people go through. Even the agoraphobia, not wanting to leave the house but that feeling is not as bad as it was before. I still stay indoors alot though right now cuz I'm in the feeling not real stage right now.

One thing I told myself over the years after this started and didn't know what the heck was happening, was to say, "Insane people don't realize they're going insane. I'm feeling insane so that must be a good thing." lol :lol: Got that from reading it in psych books and hearing it from counselors. I used to pinch myself alot or do things to feel pain then it meant that I was real. Real people feel pain right? The worst is the dead feeling not feeling ANYTHING and I could care less. I'm just a physical shell and there's no one home. I think obsessively about certain things that I perceive are real but aren't really based on fact. Repetitive thinking and I can't seem to stop it. The real kicker is knowing that these feelings are not normal but still feeling it anyways (if that makes sense). I've gone through counseling a lot so that helped in just having someone (a professional) ground me back in reality, to feel real again. To feel real but I still go through periods where I'm not just there. I'm so lost within myself with my inner dialogue which is mostly negative thoughts about myself. Forgetting things while I'm doing them. It's doing something normal like making coffee and I become fully aware of what I'm doing and it feels like I haven't done it even though I just did. I think they're my return to reality phase I call them. There's the running on auto pilot phase. But then the upside is I feel "normal" for long periods and I look back at what I just went through and that seems like another person. Then, for me, it starts all over again. This is the first site that I've found that fits what I am going through so it's helping me alot just reading what people are going through. Never found that before I think I'll go and see a counselor again and tell them about this depersonalization stuff. Yeah World Wide Web 3 cheers for the internet. There is a name for what I'm going through. Depersonalization. That's a huge relief to know. I have some of the symptoms but not all. The main one is not feeling real.

Right now, this minute, I think I'm going into the phase of feeling "real" again now. Feeling "normal". A couple of hours ago I felt so lost, isolated but I wrote on this board and I feel so much better. Like a weight has been lifted. So that's a key for me. Gotta keep looking for those keys eh. Keep researching. I just googled one day, "not feeling like I'm a real person" and I came upon these sites. You'd be surprised how much information is out there. Hope I helped. Even though I don't sound like I did lol.


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## GoneInSpace (Apr 14, 2008)

Thank you both for your posts.

Lovestorms, I do the exact same thing. Asking people if they see me, to see if im real. I also pinch myself a lot, slap myself, try to grasp onto something tangible. I am considering going back on meds (I used to take effexor, but it had terrible side-effects. Have you ever tried to take meds? They seem to help some people. I am glad I found this website....there are othes out there going through this....thats slightly comforting, though I wish no one had to suffer like this.

Surfing, I would gladly add you. I also had to drop out of school and I too sit at home all day and play online poker lol.....


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## lovestorms (Apr 14, 2008)

I've tried a few medications but found that most don't work and yes the side effects are horrendous. I've tried Effexor, :shock: will never touch it again ty vm. Celexa which is the last one I was on a few months ago, that would wake me up every few hours with my heart pounding and drenched in sweat. Or feeling off balance and walking like I'm drunk lol. That was really positive for my self image staggering around like that :lol: I don't take it anymore.

The one I loved the most but sadly does not work for me anymore, is Paxil. I was on those for nearly 5 years. I called that my magic pill. My "happy pill" as everyone describes it on other message boards. lol. The side effects from that one were not bad at all. Night sweats. Just being hyper aware of everything around me at times, sounds and sight become very heightened for one minute up to a few minutes. Didn't happen that often though. Weird feeling! That's a normal side effect. Then feeling the brain shocks, it's like you're being zapped in your brain from time to time (did research on the brain shocks so I wasn't the only one feeling those). Those were hard to deal with when I got off of them. But everyone's reaction is different in reaction with their body chemistry. I just happened to outgrow Paxil.  Got too tolerant to it. It's like playing the lottery with meds I find. If you're lucky, you'll strike it rich but if not then you're poop out of luck.

I'm not on anything right now. Which I should be considering what I'm going through but I'm at that stage where I think that nothing will help me so I'm not bothering to look anymore. My doctor :roll: got frustrated with me and basically told me that all these anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds I was taking belong in the same med family SSRI's and they basically work all the same with a little change here and there with each person with finding the right dosage. Maybe I'm just feeling that I've learned to cope with this condition, doing a lot of research on it to understand it better. Self Education. To know that what I'm feeling does not make me unique.

p.s. I play alot of yahoo and pogo games and can be sitting in front of the computer all day if I don't stop myself lol


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

GoneInSpace said:


> Surfing, I would gladly add you. I also had to drop out of school and I too sit at home all day and play online poker lol.....


Haha no way??!?! Do you play on full tilt?


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## bcjess (Apr 28, 2008)

I have been on Cymbalta for quite a while and it seems to help me. I have been on effexor, paxil, I can't even remember them all. I've had dp for 11 years - 24/7. I think that the Cymbalta helps me to not freak out too much. I have been able to go back to college and have been working full time for ove five years. I always have the dp, but it is worse when I stop and dwell on it. I have four children, the youngest 13 years old and the oldest is out of college. I have been married almost 25 years. Life is possible with dp! One thing about medications is that you have to give them the chance to work. Sometimes it takes months. I know that that sounds impossible to deal with when you are in the midst of living in the dream world, but you can do it if you just take life minute by minute. I can relate to so many of the comments. It always helps me to know there are others out there like me.


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## bcjess (Apr 28, 2008)

Another thing - a doctor once told me that dp does not exist. I asked him what he would call what I have been experiencing and again he said "it does not exist". I just wrote him off and went for another doctor who believed in me.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Next time look that doctor deep in the eyes and tell him he's a fucking moron!!!!


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## SpanishMoon (Apr 21, 2008)

Yes, DP exists...unfortunately....
There is some bibliography about it. If your doctor don?t believe in that patology, show him scientifical articles.

I understand you...it?s a terrible situation...I want to meet people with DP too..

These days I?m asking me what will happen with me when my parents die....How will I survive? Where will I live? If I can?t work...who will support me? It?s so depressing...


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## fellinghelpless (Apr 22, 2008)

Hi............my name is Vicki and i have been suffering from the feelings of unreality for 2 years now and because of this awful problem i have become Agorophobic. I fully understand what you are going through and i question myself all the time why cant i be normal again!! but i dont no what that feels like anymore which i find quite scary. I often wondered if i had Alzheimers because i couldnt remember my past and i went through everyother illness you could think of even to the brink that i was going mad. I have a support worker who comes to see me every week, and hopefully i will try to get out again, but all the time you are feeling that unreality feeling how do you make it stop? I ask myself if i will ever be normal again or is this my life now....It is even difficult for friends to understand, i have lost a few in my time because they thought there was nothing wrong with me....


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## szeret (Aug 7, 2007)

GoneInSpace said:


> I try very hard not to be negative, and there are many things in life which I love and want to experience, but now I feel like I have to be a recluse and eventually will end up penniless and destitute.
> 
> Thanks.





lovestorms said:


> One thing I told myself over the years after this started and didn't know what the heck was happening, was to say, "Insane people don't realize they're going insane. I'm feeling insane so that must be a good thing."
> 
> Real people feel pain right? The worst is the dead feeling not feeling ANYTHING and I could care less. I'm just a physical shell and there's no one home. I think obsessively about certain things that I perceive are real but aren't really based on fact. Repetitive thinking and I can't seem to stop it.
> 
> The real kicker is knowing that these feelings are not normal but still feeling it anyways. (if that makes sense). I've gone through counseling a lot so that helped in just having someone (a professional) ground me back in reality, to feel real again. To feel real but I still go through periods where I'm not just there. I'm so lost within myself with my inner dialogue which is mostly negative thoughts about myself. Forgetting things while I'm doing them. It's doing something normal like making coffee and I become fully aware of what I'm doing and it feels like I haven't done it even though I just did. I think they're my return to reality phase I call them. There's the running on auto pilot phase. But then the upside is I feel "normal" for long periods and I look back at what I just went through and that seems like another person. Then, for me, it starts all over again.


^ amen to both of these. The feeling u get when your thoughts seem out of control, but keep going round and round in your head until the anixeity reaches a crecendo and unreality really hits. When u become terribly confused, and wonder what the hell you are. Thats the worst.

How do I cope? i take meds for my anxiety, and _try_ not to think to deeply about anything. To attempt to feel more at ease I've read up on DP, (plus other happy host of disorders/ neurosis Ive been diagonosed/accused of haveing; depression, anixeity, avoidant personality disorder and body dismorphia) I find that my DP gets a lot worse under stress and existential thinking. Bizzarly things are always better in the evenings, which is when I do virtualy everything. I attend evening classes at collage, revise and do what i can to socialise in the evenings. I work on 'autopilot' I do it because i have to. Lunchtimes, are the worst times, theyre hell.


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## theatercheese123 (May 21, 2008)

lovestorms said:


> One thing I told myself over the years after this started and didn't know what the heck was happening, was to say, "Insane people don't realize they're going insane. I'm feeling insane so that must be a good thing."
> 
> Real people feel pain right? The worst is the dead feeling not feeling ANYTHING and I could care less. I'm just a physical shell and there's no one home. I think obsessively about certain things that I perceive are real but aren't really based on fact. Repetitive thinking and I can't seem to stop it.
> 
> The real kicker is knowing that these feelings are not normal but still feeling it anyways. (if that makes sense). I've gone through counseling a lot so that helped in just having someone (a professional) ground me back in reality, to feel real again. To feel real but I still go through periods where I'm not just there. I'm so lost within myself with my inner dialogue which is mostly negative thoughts about myself. Forgetting things while I'm doing them. It's doing something normal like making coffee and I become fully aware of what I'm doing and it feels like I haven't done it even though I just did. I think they're my return to reality phase I call them. There's the running on auto pilot phase. But then the upside is I feel "normal" for long periods and I look back at what I just went through and that seems like another person. Then, for me, it starts all over again.


^ amen to both of these. The feeling u get when your thoughts seem out of control, but keep going round and round in your head until the anixeity reaches a crecendo and unreality really hits. When u become terribly confused, and wonder what the hell you are. Thats the worst.

How do I cope? i take meds for my anxiety, and _try_ not to think to deeply about anything. To attempt to feel more at ease I've read up on DP, (plus other happy host of disorders/ neurosis Ive been diagonosed/accused of haveing; depression, anixeity, avoidant personality disorder and body dismorphia) I find that my DP gets a lot worse under stress and existential thinking. Bizzarly things are always better in the evenings, which is when I do virtualy everything. I attend evening classes at collage, revise and do what i can to socialise in the evenings. I work on 'autopilot' I do it because i have to. Lunchtimes, are the worst times, theyre hell.[/quote]

I am 17 and have been suffering with it as well as gerneralized anxiety/panic disorder scince 7th grade and I have felt the same way Im going insane but I cant be crazy people don't know their going crazy.and that numb feeling is the worst I also feel best at night. Being a 17 year old I am still in high school and it gets worst during some classes and will get better in other. But the thing that is both a blessing and a curse is tha my DP is not a constant it almost always comes along after periods of extreame stress and lack of sleep(caused by the stress) it is almost like DP is my body attepting to shut down and reboot.I used to take Zoloft as well as Adivan(for sudden panic) but stopped the middle of this year because I thought I was recovering and did not want the hassle of takeing it anymore, well I realized my mistake now and am going to start taking it again.

and lastly to everyone on this bored I thank you for sharing your experiences it has made me feel less like I am a crazy person and more like a normal person with a disorder.


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## GoneInSpace (Apr 14, 2008)

Something interesting which I have noticed is that most people who have DP seem to be way above intelligent, sensitive and well-read. Having a curious and overactive mind is dangerous indeed....


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