# One more on his way out...



## Buffon (Dec 24, 2014)

Okey, i Think im on my way out...

I know that 99% of the recovered are not here anymore... 99 of 100 in this forum are in the DP/DR state.

I had a massive panicattack. 2 years ago. No drugs. Just some personal trauma and major stress. Then bam, panicattack and DP/DR chronic. 24/7. Even in my Dreams im DPed.

Classic symptoms... MAJOR anxiety, you know what i mean, MAJOR, so Close to panicattack every day but i made it without getting panicattacks. Had one i my sleep i remember.

No feeling, i mean totally no feelings. Dont recognize my voice, dont recognize family of people i know, sometimes people could say hey to me and it took me 5-7 seconds to know who they are.

EXTREME hyperawerness. OCD. I couldnt drive my car beacuse Everything looked strange i had OCD thoughts of hitting Another car. Thoughts about hurting my family. Impossible to fall alseep even with strong medication. No memory. I could feel when i sleep and when i woke up how stress Chemicals running in my blood. It was like the heart was pumping adrenalin when i tried to be relaxed.

I had all of the symptoms and i was so Deep Deep in to DP/DR.

Now, 2 years later, many of the symptoms is gone. I can get thru the Days but its not like i used to be. The worst thing i still experience is the blank mind.

So my question is, if someone have been recovered. The thing im scared of is that all symptoms is curable but not the blank mind?

Im still "sick" but the reality is so fucking Close. The blank mind is worst when i Wake up. Im so blank so its almost impossible to take the decision to get up from bed. As far as the day goes by, the less i stuggle with blank mind. Its still blank all the day. Im a creative person and i Always used my mind to fix problems at my work or in my Life. No its just blank and it sucks.

I hope that Everything of this is a usual recovery phase. But im a Little bit scared of that the blank mind will stay with me.

Sorry for gramatic misstakes.


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

Hey Buffon,

So do you have the blank mind - no innermonologue? Cause you're mentioning the OCD thoughts...

Did your memory got better?

Did you suffer from anxiety/depression prior to this?


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## Optimist (May 29, 2012)

Hey, Buffon ( I know this name, it is the name of an Italian legend)

A recovered person here. If I would write down the symptoms I had when I had my anxiety back then, I am sure they would be more than 50. Physaical and mental symptoms. The blank mind was certainly one of them.

I am sure you also had many symptoms as you mentioned, and you also managed to beat most of them. Why do you feel that the blank mind symptom is different than others. Answer is pretty simple, it is clear that you fear this symptom more than others. For that, other symptoms disappeared, while this one is remaining because you are keeping it alive.

Let me put this in different way. Take a look at the symptoms that you didn't really fear, and you didn't really pay much attention to , such as headaches and muscle pains (very common anxiety symptoms). I bet those disappeared fast and as soon as your anxiety levels were down. Now look at the ones that you fear and obsess about, such as DP and the blank mind. They are still controlling you. Why do you think there is a clear relationship between the duration of the symptoms and the level of obsessions they get?

What caused you headaches, dizziness, muscle pain, ear buzzing, is the same that caused DP and the blank mind. That is the physiological response to stress made by your body. Also, what makes headaches go away is the same thing that would make blank mind goes away. Let me ask you, have you ignored both symptoms equally?is one of them getting your attention more than the other?

Your brain is asking if this symptom is going to stay for ever. That is a trap. Dont anwer that question. Keep it hanging. I know this will cause your anxiety to increase at the beginning. That is okay. That anxiety wont last

You arw right. Those who recover dont stay really. DP becomes something of the past that does not get their attention. Just like I did. Even though I have been recovered for 3 years, I visited here like three to four times only. However, i have coming here daily in the past few days i dont know why.


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## Guest (Aug 11, 2016)

Sometimes taking a break from the site is a necessity, I can remember a time where I spent hours on end here, do what you think is best for you and the rest will fall into place.


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## Buffon (Dec 24, 2014)

Try to answer all of you in the same answer...

Before this suddenly hit me i was 100% healthy. I have never had anxiety or depression. Last 3-4 months Before DP hit me i was very stressed. I had som familiy problems and instead of dealing with this hurtful emotions i started to get obsessed with my work. I mean really obsessed, almost as obsessed as you are with DP. With every possible problem at my work i had 50 different solutions in my mind. I used alcohol, low levels, to fall asleep. My mind was working 24/7. I had som childhood trauma to and i was remind of it a couple of Days Before DP hit me. So i dont know why DP hit me, trauma? Stress? Family problems? Alcohol? Obsessions with my work?

My mind was/is very very very blank but i had OCD or maybe its better called Pure-O? I didnt need to do something to remove the thougts, i think that is Pure-O? If 10 is the highest anxiety level and a 10 is a full blown panicattack, the first 1,5 years i was 24/7 in a 7 of 10. When i drived my car or i was eating my food, i had thoughts of crashing my car or cutting myself with the knife, sometimes even cutting my Child. The anxiety raised from 7 to 9 and i was so Close to panicattacks but somehow i made it without reaching level 10. Now, maybe my anxiety level is att 2 or 3. I can drive my car, i can shower with my Child without thinking im going to kill her.

The thing with stop fear it and it will go away, I think its the other way. Gradually the anxiety levels got lower and lower. Now i can get thru the day and live pretty normal. Before it was IMPOSSIBLE to ignore it. Now is it possible to ignore it so i do Everything that a healty people can do, but no alcohol. But the thing with the blank mind, its still there 24/7 and of course its impossible to ignore???

Anxiety almost gone, easy to ignore it then? OCD / Pure-0 almost totally gone, easy to ignore then??? Memory is not good, but its so much better. Before DP my memory was extremely great, friends asked me how i can remember Everything. With DP at worst i didnt remember what i eat for lunch 30 minutes after the lunch!

Insomnia is almost "cured", now i sleep without pills but i still have nightmares and when i Wake up i feel the adrenalin pumping in my head/blood. Everyone can have nightmares, i know, but you know how it feels with DP. The nightmares are 100 times worse. Some nights i sleep well but most of the nights i get in the half a sleep and half awake state, i think you know it. It feels like you have been awake all night long but wife tells me that i was 100% asleep.

So trust me, everybody says the same thing, but trust me, i have been so Deep in DP/DR that i was on my way to kill myself. Didnt sleep for 5-6 Days sometimes, even when i took strong pills. So you know the feeling, your anxiety and dissociation is extreme, you cant relax, you eat low levels of anxiety meds, and then you eat STRONG sleep pills every night, that cocktail for 5-6 Days without sleep can definately make people kill themselves. I have been there.

This got long....

BUT, i still suffer with blank mind. Just wanted your tips, thank you very much and good luck to all of you. Mezona i wish you great recovery!


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

Thank you, Buffon!


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## JesusVerde (Jul 19, 2016)

Buffon,Mezona, the involuntary thought process in the mind is made up neurotransmitters firing between back and forth constantly between neurons in the brain if something disrupts this process ie. Drugs,medications,anxiety, the mind will go blank....the only thing that will cure the blank mind is time and things that stimulate neurotransmitters to fire correctly again. I have this blank mind crap too and it sucks I also have other symptoms from lorezpam withdrawal in top of the blank mind but the blank mind is definitely the worse....but anyway just thought I would let you all in on the the little bit of research I did on the blank mind syndrome


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## Buffon (Dec 24, 2014)

So, give me examples of things who stimulates neurotransmitters?


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## JesusVerde (Jul 19, 2016)

Exercise,Nootropic medications,St.John's wort are all proven to stimulate neurotransmission


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## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

Buffon said:


> Before this suddenly hit me i was 100% healthy. I have never had anxiety or depression. Last 3-4 months Before DP hit me i was very stressed. I had som familiy problems and instead of dealing with this hurtful emotions i started to get obsessed with my work. I mean really obsessed, almost as obsessed as you are with DP. With every possible problem at my work i had 50 different solutions in my mind. I used alcohol, low levels, to fall asleep. My mind was working 24/7. I had som childhood trauma to and i was remind of it a couple of Days Before DP hit me. So i dont know why DP hit me, trauma? Stress? Family problems? Alcohol? Obsessions with my work?


Your onset sounds very similar to mine.


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## mariehurst39 (Aug 13, 2016)

Optimist said:


> Hey, Buffon ( I know this name, it is the name of an Italian legend)
> 
> A recovered person here. If I would write down the symptoms I had when I had my anxiety back then, I am sure they would be more than 50. Physaical and mental symptoms. The blank mind was certainly one of them.
> 
> ...


That is so true! If you don't think of it and acknowledge its a mind trick, it goes away! It does get stuck in that for a bit (mine was a day) but then I acknowledge it when I'm less anxious and gone!


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