# Here is my story, hopefully it helps.



## KeepWalkingItGetsBetter (Aug 24, 2015)

Hello my friends. Your probably reading this because your in the shit right now. Or your doing better but came back for some encouragement. Either way, I just want to let you know that I love you and you are not alone.

A little about me

I'm a 24 year old male from the USA. I first experienced this disease about 2 years ago. My dp/Dr did not come as a result of doing drugs, at the time I first experienced it had been about 3 years from the last time I smoked pot or did aby type of drug. My symptoms came as a result of an existential crisis, and a few life changing events that pushed me over the edge.

I remember a switch being flipped one day, I was driving to work and I had a thought "what if life isn't real"? Now I've had this thought before, but for some reason this time it caused me extreme discomfort and anxiety. It drove me mad. The rest of the day my anxiety and existential thoughts worsened and by the end of the night I was exhausted from the thoughts and feelings and I passed out. I woke the next morning and was immediately plagued by anxiety. This was the beginning.

For about a week I thought I was literally going insane. I thought I was experiencing some sort of mental breakdown and that I was going to be locked in a hospital, I would call my girlfriend and my friends everyday and tell them I just wanted to go away and be put on some sort of med that numbed me out. I started doing some research on my symptoms and realized there was people out there who were going through what I was. I was having total dp at first, feeling completely out of my body. Looking at people in the eyes scared the shit out of me, they looked grotesque and almost alien. I would obsess about the universe energy, why things were the way that they were. And eventually I came across this website. I immediately started spending all my free time browsing and reading, I finally felt like people related. Which was nice, but didn't solve my problem. I started trying to get into different methods of treatment, over the counter happy pills. Anti anxiety pills, supplements fish oil b complex valerian root Ltheanine. Nothing helped. I was pissed. I hated myself. I hated god. I felt no connection or joy in anything in life. And just completely lost all hope. Why me? My family suggested an anti depperessant but I hated the thought of something else making me happy or okay other than myself so I refused.plus I was afraid it would turn me into a serial killer or something.

This went on for about 6 months. I took a trip with my family and girlfriend to the beach for a week. I was able to unwind and get away from life. It helped alot. Gave me time to think, even if the times I felt okay were few and far between it was enough for me. Oh and I forgot to add, I absolutely could stand being by myself. It made me feel so crazy and detached I would feel like I was about to tip off of the edge of reality. I also experienced fits of anger sometimes, even the way people talked or what they did pissed me off. I think this was a result of all the stress I was undergoing at the time.

I think about 8 months in I said fuck it. I'm not going to live my life this way anymore, either I'm going to get put on meds and get locked away in a nut hut or im going to do something about this shit. I decided to leave the forums, quit doing research, got off of Web MD, stopped looking for the magic pill or supplement and started facing my fears. I started making decisions again, no matter how weird or checked or anxious I felt I said fuck it. I pretended to be okay. And everyday I thought, this is the day I'm going to go mad. This is the day I'll finally tip off of the edge of reality. Guess what? It hasn't happened yet. Your not bipolar, your not insane, you aren't that special breed that cannot recover. You can and you will! Get up and kick today in the face. You deserve it. You deserve more than this damned disease, you deserve a happy life.

I still struggle today sometimes. I have good days and I have bad days. I still have anxiety, I always have. But comparatively speaking I am so much better, and that's enough for me.

Go get tests done, blood work an mri, CT scan, it won't do anything to harm you. Hey if it's something that is caused by an unrelated medical problem then you know what to do. But I'm guessing 95 percent of you are like me and once the cycle of thinking and feeling started, it kept going and hasn't stopped.

Life is real. You can't change reality. You can't change what happened and why you are who you are. The universe has decided to put you here but you can make the best of it. Keep going. It'll all be okay.


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## Ningen (Apr 16, 2015)

KeepWalkingItGetsBetter said:


> Life is real. You can't change reality. You can't change what happened and why you are who you are. The universe has decided to put you here but you can make the best of it. Keep going. It'll all be okay.


One of the best lines I've heard.


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