# Question for the ladies..



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Sorry, I keep banging on about my new girlfriend....

For her birthday, and because I was so skint, I had a choice. I either spend the whole lot on a DVD or Book or some other rubbish that she may or may not like. So after thinking about it for 000000000.5 seconds, I did this. Now, she said 'nobody has ever done this before' and loved it, and I don't know whether she meant it, so what do you think?

Basically, I bought some twinkly white lights (like the ones you would put around a christmas tree) and wrapped them around her bed posts. I bought some balloons with silly faces and (it took me bloody hours) and filled her bed and room with them, bought some Sunflowers and hung them above her bed.

I felt a bit sheepish about it, but she seemed to love it. What would you think if someone did that for you?


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## Snowy (Aug 10, 2004)

awww that is so sexy. I would think it was very romantic. I would love it more than your normal average presents.


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## Epiphany (Apr 28, 2006)

Love it!!!!

Much more thoughtful than some sucky meaningless dvd or book. Done well Martin...big thumbs up!!!! Us chicks love that mooshy stuff...especially when it is unexpected...makes us all gooey on the inside.

That would have won you a LOT of brownie points.


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## Axel19 (Aug 11, 2004)

000000000.5 seconds? I think you misplaced the decimal point. Sorry to get all autistic on you.
I always feel stupid about romantic gestures. They feel so right at the time, but in hindsight always result in an almighty cringe, so severe it feels like an electric shock. I don't quite understand why men find it so difficult.


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## Epiphany (Apr 28, 2006)

> I always feel stupid about romantic gestures. They feel so right at the time, but in hindsight always result in an almighty cringe, so severe it feels like an electric shock. I don't quite understand why men find it so difficult.


Axel...

Your comment reminded me of some well-intentioned romantic gestures an ex of mine used to make...they were cringe-worthy even at the time. He would give me roses every other day (he would sometimes hide them in various places around the garden in my backyard and would phone me to tell me to go look in this or that spot), and he would write these letters that were so full on...basically the whole, "you are my sun, moon, whole wide world" sort of stuff, that arrived with such frequency it actually began to have the adverse effect.

So I may have been a little hasty when I said that we love ALL that mooshy stuff. It has to be unexpected, and spontaneous and preferably have some sort of personal meaning. In saying that it sounds like Martin hit the right note, especially early on in a relationship. My husband is rather predictably unromantic...but the moments he has chosen to show that side have been memorable and unexpected and all the more appreciated. Sometimes the little things can have more of an effect...like if you are giving a fairly impersonal gift you can make it special by writing something personal in the card.

Anyway, just thought I'd clarify.


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## californian (Jul 24, 2006)

epiphany's statements remind me also of the caveat that has to be given when women say they love men who can cry...

what they mean by that is they love the strong man who is so deeply touched by something that a single tear finally fights its way out of his eye and down his face. THIS they love. 

what they do NOT mean is that they love a man who can sob. oh no, they most certainly do NOT love THAT...


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

My best friend and I always joke about guys we've dated that are criers. It's just really uncomfortable to be sitting with a man who's bawling his eyes out. For no reason. It's fine if the guy has reason to be crying. That's touching. But there are a couple of guys in our past that were compulsive criers. Sensitive, melodramatic men who may as well have been women. Not that I have any room talking. I'm on the other end of the spectrum, cold, unromantic, may as well be a guy.

But the whole romantic thing just makes me uncomfortable. It seems so fake and put on. I would rather a guy just be there for me, have deep conversations with me, kiss me, tell me I'm beautiful. Not send me a dozen roses every other day. Actually, I've only had one guy in my whole life give me flowers and he turned out to be gay. I think one of the reasons I lack a lot of romantic activity in my life is because I come off as not wanting it.

My main boyfriend in my past used to refer to sex as "making love". At first, it was uncomfortable (there's that word uncomfortable again. Intimacy problems?) to hear him refer to it as that. I preferred the f-word or just sex. But as time went on it was totally hot that he called it that. My best friend has a guy that calls it making love. She finds it uncomfortable too. But in both instances, these two guys are the best sex we've ever had. By far. So some romantic stuff is good, you just have to know how to work it without making it sappy.

But overall none of this really matters. If he's the right guy you can do whatever and the girl will love you no matter what. In my opinion.


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## Epiphany (Apr 28, 2006)

Yep...I've dated a crier too. He told me he cried watching "Mr Holland's Opus". For those of you who have seen that maybe you can shed some light as to which part he may have found cry-worthy, coz I sure couldn't pick it. I went around to his house to watch some videos when his parents were out and one of the movies he had hired was "LITTLE WOMEN". I couldn't stop laughing at him...but now that I think about it it was a good tactic...we spent the whole time making out on his couch.

Another guy sobbed when I broke things off with him...I had gotten a little upset myself but when he started crying I had no idea what to do...I just gave him a hug and told him I was sorry while he cried on my shoulder. He was a really lovely guy though...too nice I think.

You're right Cal...I find it really touching if a guy is fighting back tears but when they are crying uncontrollably over something fairly minor then it's just awkward. I don't have a problem with a guy crying when it's warranted though...eg; a death in the family, a traumatic experience etc. I think that can go both ways though...my hubby is fairly immune to my tears. Unless they are for a good reason, he just finds it rather annoying.



> I would rather a guy just be there for me, have deep conversations with me, kiss me, tell me I'm beautiful


Enngirl...I think you just nailed it. The key to a woman's heart...unfortunately, these things often seem to be the first thing to go after you have been in a relationship for a long time. Sigh...sometimes you just can't win.


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## Axel19 (Aug 11, 2004)

I think this whole crying phenomenon exists because deep down all men want there mummies. Seriously though, I think men overestimate women?s sensitivity, and take advantage of them to vent every single woe they have.
Why is dpselfhelp the only place where the differences between male and female hardly exist?



> But the whole romantic thing just makes me uncomfortable. It seems so fake and put on. I would rather a guy just be there for me, have deep conversations with me, kiss me, tell me I'm beautiful.


I agree with this. I think most women probably feel the same way. Sure we all want romance, but the right conditions for a romantic gesture to actually work are extremely rare.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

> Why is dpselfhelp the only place where the differences between male and female hardly exist?


Interesting and very true.


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