# Detatched/Separated from myself



## Guest (Sep 4, 2005)

Hello,

I am 50, and have suffered from social isolation since I suffered detatchment/separation at 12 years of age. At 12, i had to go into hospital for a routine opperation, when I came out I my personality had changed.

This is what happened to change it.

I was placed in a adult hospital as there were no vacancies in a childrens ward. I remember feeling a little apprehensive on my first day but put a brave front on as if I was 'fitting in' with other adult patients who were kind and supportive. However, on my second day whilst I was sitting at a table in the ward with four other patients playing cards (forgive me but I remember all this as if it was yesterday), the nurse called me for a pre-med tablet. I got up and walked across to her, took the tablet, and went and took my seat at the table again (I felt slightly anxious all the time over this two day period, even though I was making an effort to mix).

After about 5 seconds of sitting down something in my mind/brain triggered and it felt like a whooshing noise/feeling which lasted for only a second. At the same time this event made my eyelids flicker twice uncontrollably and from that moment on I felt detatched from everything. It felt as though a invisible transparent screen had blocked anything outside from comming into my mind. I immediatly was transformed in to a transe like state, staring into space but aware of everything going on arounde me. My eyes feel as though they need to roll up all the time and are like lead weights.

What is most frightening is that all my past assosiations with relatives/ friends, environments have gone. For example, I feel disconnected from my mother, sisters, people. I don't seem to be able to empathize with them. I have avoided parties and other social occasions over the years because of this. Because I feel so vulnerable for some reason (possibly because I am not in touch with myself I cannot commit to anything)

This condition has separated me socially from society. I tend push potential friends away. I don't take jobs that involve working with people only jobs where I work on my own.

I feel totally disconnected from any feelings I may have for anyone or myself. When I speak with people they seem to think I am ok but in my mind it is blank and there does not seem to be any social foundations being built and I tend to avoid any future contact with people who I meet in case they see through this 'smoke screen' I display.

If there is the likelyhood of having to mix with any groups of people for any length of time (eg 3 days upwards) I avoid this.

The worst part of all this is that I want to be with people and make friends and socialize and it is like torture pushing people away mentally. Every day I wake up anxious and frightend in some way because I am restricted to living a lonely life without any real meaningfull socialization.

My life has been socially wasted sinced I was 12 and all of this is due to a few seconds of mind events that occured in that hospital.

I appologize for going on and on but I am desparate to find someone or something that can wake me up out of what seems to be like a permenant transe/comma and living a life with no life.


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## M A R S (Jun 24, 2005)

I can truly sympathize with you. all though my story is not like yours i can relate to some of your feelings. I hope you can get past this aspect of your life. I will keep you in my prayers.


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## Guest (Sep 4, 2005)

Thank you Spaceplex1111, I am greatful for your support.


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## Guest (Sep 24, 2005)

Hi i can really relate to to your story especially when it come's to mixing with people .I have 2 children at primary school and i find most day's i don't want to mix with other mum's ,the school are always asking for parental support for this and that and because my dp effect's everything ,i always decline which make's me feel awful ,if only they really knew .I have been like this for 4 years i am 43 and feel like life is passing me by but saying that i am not really any better than i was 4 years ago ,i think you adapt and become a good actress :wink: well take care and here is hoping things are improving


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## darsan (Oct 2, 2005)

Hello Mitssee,well it looks like we have a lot in common.I'm 53 and I slipped into this 'other world' aged 13 and have felt' semi-concious' ever since.At first it was so frightening thinking, wondering when, or if I would ever 'wake up' but then the numbness kind of took over.I know how devastating it is feeling disconnection from loved ones.It's so hard to explain isn't it-you know you should really love them,you desperately want to love them-but the feelings are kind of blocked. I also steer clear of letting anyone get to know me.Initially perhaps I'll seem o.k.-just nervous.I musn't let them get any closer though.I remember a long time ago someone calling me dreamer, then some time later at work being 'accused' of often looking to be in a trance. They were both right of course,but back then I didn't realize the way I was feeling showed so much. Nowadays as protection I have only my husband as a friend.Also I have two grown up daughters.They have the same stupid sense of humour as me,so we have lots of giggles.I'm very lucky to have them.Anyway mitssee take care,I really do understand exactly what you're saying and you're definately not on your own. darsan.


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2005)

I just turned thirty years, and as far as I remember I have this condition since I was about thirteen. you're not alone with what you're facing. take care!


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## Guest_ (Sep 17, 2005)

have you guys had any relief over the years? or tried any meds? That seems horrible to have intense dp/dr like that for so long. mY prayers are with you..


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## lies (Nov 14, 2005)

wow, all for such a long time
you're all not given me any hope :wink: 
i've had it since i'm 9, now i'm 20
and actually not thinking about living with
this for the rest of my life,
it will go away (that's what i hope offcourse)
but i can't imagine a full life like this...
never any feelings, never easy,
allways the difficult way, allways acting...

xxx


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## Guest (Dec 29, 2005)

With so many of us (females?) getting dp in our early teens, I'm starting to wonder if hormones play a role in initiating it. 
Agentcooper on this forum says her dp/dr is strongly linked to hormonal fluctuations and other females say hormones affect the degree of their dp symptoms.
I have chemical sensitivities (airborne and ingested) and they drastically affect my mood/anxiety/dp for the worse. It seems my sensitivities are also linked to xenoestrognes/hormones. What does this mean???


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## chiara (Nov 5, 2005)

it means that sometimes it just sucks being a woman.


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