# I feel like I have no love for anyone or anything.



## sophia dahlstrom (Sep 29, 2011)

Hello. My name is Sophia. I'm 18 and I just signed up to this community. 
I have an anxiety disorder, and obviously, depersonalization. I've had DP on and off for 2 years and sometimes when I get it, I can't feel any emotions for my boyfriend. We've been going out for almost a year now and one day i was deeply in love with my boyfriend, then last saturday i woke up and DP hit me so hard and I felt like i was in a bad dream, nothing seemed real, and i felt detached and felt like i fell out of love with my boyfriend. I feel so guilty about it and heart broken. I'm so scared because i dont want to fall out of love. i question myself, but i think "well if i didnt love him, then i wouldnt miss him, and i would think of every excuse not to see him and spend time. i wouldnt want to kiss him, and i wouldnt want to have sex with him. i wouldnt feel so bad about whats going on." i spent time with him last night and cried, and cried. i told him about my problem and he was understanding. it's like something is blocking my feelings of attatchment and love. is this because of DP? Is anyone else like this, and will it ever go away? Please help me. It's hurting me so much, i have chest pains


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## Totally DP'D (Jun 8, 2011)

Sounds like you still love him to me. It seems that the physical side effects of emotions (chest pains etc) are still there in DP, but the actual *feeling* of the emotion is gone. My daughter recently had a month long bout of DP/DR from which she recovered and complained of the lack of emotion-but she behaved exactly as if she was experiencing the emotions she couldn't feel.


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## sophia dahlstrom (Sep 29, 2011)

Totally DP said:


> Sounds like you still love him to me. It seems that the physical side effects of emotions (chest pains etc) are still there in DP, but the actual *feeling* of the emotion is gone. My daughter recently had a month long bout of DP/DR from which she recovered and complained of the lack of emotion-but she behaved exactly as if she was experiencing the emotions she couldn't feel.


so it's just from the DP? i just fear that im falling out of love. i'm so confused, but it all started from feeling the DP so that must be it. 
Wow a month? That's probably why im freaking out because this feeling has never lasted for more than 3 days. The actual DP has lasted for months, but I
always used to have emotions for my loved ones. Just not this time..


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## Naomi (Sep 29, 2011)

Hey, I'm new too









I know how you feel, maybe not to the same extent. I have chronic depersonalization. I haven't had a single second of reality for 8 months. I still love my boyfriend so, so much and I fell in love while experiencing depersonalization, somaybe i'm really lucky. I try to take my relationship to the full. I'd suggest going on walks to somewhere really beautiful and scenic. That always gets me, seing him in raw light and knowing that it couldnt be any other way. think what you'd be without him - a mess. you may feel numb, but remember you aren't.

xx


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## sophia dahlstrom (Sep 29, 2011)

Naomi said:


> Hey, I'm new too
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hello! It's nice to know other people feel the same way I do. I'm not alone, although it feels like that a lot. 
I'll try going on a walk with him later on today. Maybe some exercise will help. If not, then I don't know.
I might see my psychologist today, if not, the saturday, and he might prescribe me something for my anxiety.


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## NewbyDP (Jul 23, 2014)

I see that this post was back in 2011 and it is now 2014, but I thought I would write in the event it may help another individual. I had my first DP episode when I was 18 years old. I remember it clearly. It was summer (in Florida) - beautiful day. I was at the beach with my younger brother and my then boyfriend and now husband. I remember thinking what a beautiful day it was and how lucky I was, but it felt weird, like it was a dream. Right after that, like the next day, I felt like I did not love my boyfriend, when just the day before I felt completely and utterly in love with him. I rationalized this and I knew that this was something that I was going through and I knew that I did still love him because it made no sense to me how one could love an individual one day and then the next it was gone. I was tortured though, because like you I was also afraid of falling out of love with him. So I know exactly how you are feeling. At the time, I also felt love for others, but not for him. It was weird. Just know that you will feel those loving feelings again - this weird feeling of "no love" which is fake, WILL go away and you will feel normal again. Hang in there! Those weird feelings eventually went away completely and I thought they were gone forever. However, I just had my first child 6 months ago and I got post-partum depression and the DP came back, but now it is with my child (which is 1 million times worse - this is really torture). I feel like I am losing out. I know I love my son with all that is inside of me and all I want to do is be with him, but I do not always feel those loving feelings (it's like I know I have them, but I cannot always feel them). But I remind myself that I already went through this and I recovered and I know I WILL recover again. I actually have been recovering where my feelings came back completely, but they just went away again a few days ago. So I remind myself of how I just felt a few days ago and I know those feelings will return. It's tough though and it's definitely a battle, but you gotta keep going and pushing through and you CANNOT lose faith. I also see a definite connection with increase of stress and anxiety and onset of DP. I actually never knew it was DP until this happened to me again 12 years later and I googled my feelings and I read about someone's jsimilar experience and it was like I saw light again at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there! I am hanging on too!!

--Love--


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