# For Those Who Have Neared Recovery... I Feel Lost



## ChrisPA (Dec 22, 2009)

I have been visiting this forum shortly after the onset of my DP/DR which was a year and 2 months ago now. I have read post after post about recovery techniques on this forum. I have also read book after book regarding the subject and have purchased various supplements and herbals that some say help with this condition. I've been taking an anti-depressant(paxil) and sleeping pills (Temazepam occasionally) since the onset of my condition. I'd be lying if I said these things haven't helped, being that I have had drastic improvements in that time frame. I too have posted many positive natured posts about the things to do to recover, based on things that have helped me. These things do and did help me. However, maybe I am just having a bad day I'm not sure, but after another weekend filled largely with DP/DR I am beginning to feel extremely hopeless. I feel that I have poured all of my energy and my being into ridding myself of these feelings and thoughts. I have completely overhauled my diet eliminating all sweets, caffeine, salts etc. All things known to supposedly increase anxiety which many say that's what this condition is completely based off of. I can't argue that. It just might be, but I feel as though this thing has a hold on me even when my anxiety level is normal. Maybe this is the wrong approach. Some say the key is to do nothing at all, which is nearly impossible for anyone with chronic DP/DR that have been dealing with the condition for any length of time to do. I go days sometimes even weeks without the condition effecting me largely at all only to fall right back into another spurt of DP/DR in the most inopportune times. The only time I feel like myself are when I'm at work or distracted heavily with an activity such as playing a video game etc. It has destroyed my ability to enjoy free/down time and vacations, at least it has made them a lot more uncomfortable and challenging.

I don't know who I am trying to reach on this forum through this post. I know we all are in the same situation, many worse than me. Most of the fuzzy feelings and disoriented feelings I use to get are gone, but the thoughts are still there! I guess I should be thankful that I go hours sometimes each day without DP/DR. But it's hard for me to settle for that when I know I once existed without even knowing this condition. I feel as if every time I think to myself. "Finally this DP/DR thing is over, I have been through it a thousand times, and finally this time it won't ever effect me again." Of course this ends up being wrong and the next thing I know I am right back into the clutches of DP/DR. To those out there who have recovered or at least say there are very close, do you get relapses at all?? I am just not sure whether or not I am actually recovering or just getting good at dealing with this condition. I thought this whole time I was on the road to recovery, but maybe the whole time I was just able to forget about it at times through distraction and that's it. Maybe I never truly came through the thoughts and accepted them. I can be completely calm one minute and think one DP thought and it starts a stream of worries, that enable me to never get comfortable in my own head. When you can't get comfortable in your own head you can't be comfortable anywhere, and that's what I think makes this so difficult on many of us, especially me. I just haven't found a way to truly become comfortable with the DP/DR thoughts. I that it's nothing serious, but I am still so hyper-aware of myself and my surroundings that I can't help but hate it. I don't know what else to do anymore. I am going to get back to work and go on with my usual day I guess. For those of you who have figured this thing out, truly congratulations. Sorry all for the rant.

-ChrisPA


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## Guest (Mar 15, 2010)

ChrisPA said:


> I have been visiting this forum shortly after the onset of my DP/DR which was a year and 2 months ago now. I have read post after post about recovery techniques on this forum. I have also read book after book regarding the subject and have purchased various supplements and herbals that some say help with this condition. I've been taking an anti-depressant(paxil) and sleeping pills (Temazepam occasionally) since the onset of my condition. I'd be lying if I said these things haven't helped, being that I have had drastic improvements in that time frame. I too have posted many positive natured posts about the things to do to recover, based on things that have helped me. These things do and did help me. However, maybe I am just having a bad day I'm not sure, but after another weekend filled largely with DP/DR I am beginning to feel extremely hopeless. I feel that I have poured all of my energy and my being into ridding myself of these feelings and thoughts. I have completely overhauled my diet eliminating all sweets, caffeine, salts etc. All things known to supposedly increase anxiety which many say that's what this condition is completely based off of. I can't argue that. It just might be, but I feel as though this thing has a hold on me even when my anxiety level is normal. Maybe this is the wrong approach. Some say the key is to do nothing at all, which is nearly impossible for anyone with chronic DP/DR that have been dealing with the condition for any length of time to do. I go days sometimes even weeks without the condition effecting me largely at all only to fall right back into another spurt of DP/DR in the most inopportune times. The only time I feel like myself are when I'm at work or distracted heavily with an activity such as playing a video game etc. It has destroyed my ability to enjoy free/down time and vacations, at least it has made them a lot more uncomfortable and challenging.
> 
> I don't know who I am trying to reach on this forum through this post. I know we all are in the same situation, many worse than me. Most of the fuzzy feelings and disoriented feelings I use to get are gone, but the thoughts are still there! I guess I should be thankful that I go hours sometimes each day without DP/DR. But it's hard for me to settle for that when I know I once existed without even knowing this condition. I feel as if every time I think to myself. "Finally this DP/DR thing is over, I have been through it a thousand times, and finally this time it won't ever effect me again." Of course this ends up being wrong and the next thing I know I am right back into the clutches of DP/DR. To those out there who have recovered or at least say there are very close, do you get relapses at all?? I am just not sure whether or not I am actually recovering or just getting good at dealing with this condition. I thought this whole time I was on the road to recovery, but maybe the whole time I was just able to forget about it at times through distraction and that's it. Maybe I never truly came through the thoughts and accepted them. I can be completely calm one minute and think one DP thought and it starts a stream of worries, that enable me to never get comfortable in my own head. When you can't get comfortable in your own head you can't be comfortable anywhere, and that's what I think makes this so difficult on many of us, especially me. I just haven't found a way to truly become comfortable with the DP/DR thoughts. I that it's nothing serious, but I am still so hyper-aware of myself and my surroundings that I can't help but hate it. I don't know what else to do anymore. I am going to get back to work and go on with my usual day I guess. For those of you who have figured this thing out, truly congratulations. Sorry all for the rant.
> 
> -ChrisPA


I am not recovered but I have made a lot of progress as well and I will tell you that I also have relapses. I think that is a normal part of recovery. I tend to have like 5 good days a week (not dp free but dp is so light that I can live life not freaking out) and then I will get a bad day of dp and then an inbetween day. I also do not have anxiety most of the time. I think that anxiety can and does feed dp but I don't think that getting rid of anxiety is the magic cure for dp. I think that the catalyst of your dp needs to be addressed and dealt with. For me it was trauma. I tried originally to push recovery. To do anything and everything I could to get back to reality and I did get myself back to reality. For a while I was reconnecting a couple of times a day but it also came with hellish shifts in my perceptions. I would go through these "attacks" right before I connected with reality and with the help of my counselor, I realized that my dp is there right now for a reason and that I was pushing too hard. It it protecting me from the trauma I went through and I need to work through and heal from that trauma before my mind is going to be able to let go of dp. So, I've gotten to a place where I am ok with letting dp be where it is for the time being. I have peace about it and that makes it easier for me to deal with.


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## Sarasi3 (Mar 4, 2010)

Dear ChrisPA,

Please do not apologise for your post, that is what we are here for. I'm sure you have read what I'm going to say before but i hope it helps:

It is important to remember that the DP is a symptom of another condition. In almost all cases, this condition is anxiety or anxiety related. If you relieve or cure the initial underlying condition, ONLY then will the symptom of the anxiety (DP) dissapear. And the best way to relieve anxiety is to gain confidence. You should feel truely confident in who you are, your past and have a positive outlook for your future. It is easy to say that you do, but you need to know that you are proud and happy with yourself deep inside. You need to have a sense of self worth and identity.

It is ok to feel completely lost and frustrated at times. We all have. And sometimes you just cant help it. Its just that it makes it easier on yourself if you somewhat accept that this is a part of you, and that you will take time to recover.

The key is to ignore the sympotm (DP) as best you can. This is because it is ONLY a symptom. do not focus on the DP. But do not ignore the anxiety. Cure your anxiety.

Sometimes this is easy to do. But sometimes this is a very difficult thing to do. You may have tried all of the techniques people have listed over the years on this site and more. Sometimes it involves untangling and reversing deep-set thought patterns. Obsessive, or even general worrying, negative thoughts, feeling hopeless, feeling depressed can all be a result of the way we percieve the world and ourselves. some of these thoughts you may have been brought up with, not knowing any different. It can be difficult to even recognise these thought patterns let alone mentally change the way you think by catching yourself everytime you notice yourself thinking in these ways. In this case, you may need to seek help from a psychologist.

A psychologist (not just a councellor) who is trained in anxiety disorders and cognitive behavioural therapy will be able to help point out areas that you need to focus on to build your confidence. they can make you feel ok about the past or present trauma in your life. they can make you feel ok about the anxiety you have, and might just be the extra push you need to kick start your recovery. tell them about your anxiety and DP and that all you wan to do is to build your confidence and they can help you do this.

Make sure you like the psych you are seeing and have faith in their teaching abilities. you may need to try a few before you feel confident in one. but it is important to get the right person for your individual needs.

The Australian government will bulk bill psych sessions with a referal from your GP. Other countries may also have mental health care plans if the cost is an issue. I was lucky enought to get my sessions for only $25 by paying the gap.

If you see a psych, know that it will take time also. It is not a quick fix and you may need to go for more than a handfull of sessions. You should view the learning experience as a positive one and approach it with patience. I am looking to go once a week to more than ten sessions, and hopefully if i am able, to continuse my sessions monthly for years after this, just to ensure I maintain my confidence. After all, it cant hurt to talk to someone and get some support and reassurance in yourself.

Well, I hope this was some help to you. Stay strong, positive and make yourself proud. And continue to 'rant' on this site if you feel you need support.


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## ChrisPA (Dec 22, 2009)

Thanks for all the input 25yo and tinyfairypeople. I have been seeing a therapist for about a year now. He has definitely been a huge help, but I feel lately when I go visit him we kinda just talk in circles. It's like he has already offered me advice on the state of my condition, and it just feels like that advice get's reiterated every session. I am not saying I don't appreciate it, but I am just hearing things I already know. Maybe seeing another psych would be an option. I've been considering it. I agree that it is all a result of underlying anxiety. Well at least that's what I have believed but lately I've questioned it a bit. Who knows. I am feeling better today at least. Like I said yesterday might have been just a bad day. We all have those. Either way I'd like to get to the point where a bad day doesn't consist of having intense DP/DR.

Tinyfairypeople I feel like we are kinda in the same state right now. Even on my good days I have DP/DR thoughts, but I am comfortable enough with them to go about my day without it effecting me much. It was days like yesterday where the DP/DR is so overwhelming and completely consumes my thoughts that's the problem. Luckily I have more of the days at a comfortable level than days like yesterday, but I want days like yesterday to go away completely I guess. I feel that with all the information I have about DP/DR I shouldn't still get those hopeless feelings when I start to think the DP/DR thoughts. It just is so frustrating. Especially when each week I feel like relapsing is out of the question. All I can do is keep pushing and living my life the besy way I can. Again thanks for the advice guys.


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

Thanks, guys. Your posts give me hope. It's funny; I don't obsess about my dp/dr like I did when it started a little over 7 years ago, which seems like a good sign, but I've been getting kind of discouraged about it recently, since it has been so long since one of those instants where it seemed to totally go away, maybe 4 years. But when I get to that point of giving up on doing anything about it, then it's like my mind lets go of it, and it starts to ease up. Good signs all around, even though it's been awhile since I felt like I was real, and in reality.


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