# Does it ever go away?



## GrnEyedDoll

Will this being afraid of everything, to leave, of other people, of everything ever go away? Will life ever turn back into a wonderful thing, something to embrace and not be afraid of? Will things turn around?  Right now it just feels like life is always going to be such a horrible, grueling thing. Hard to get through each day... And Im only 18...

Any hope?


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## Martinelv

18? Dear lord.... 

The answer to your question is a big fat yes. There are loads of us, me included, who have recovered from DR/DP - and permanently. But it takes time mate. It's not an overnight thing, and it's a bumpy road. I'm sorry, but it is.

PM me if you like. I'm not really sure how I recovered, and I'm rarely of much help, but I can lend a sympathetic ear. But please, rest assured, DR/DP is not neccessarily a life sentence. Absolutely not. Remember that delicious reality that you once enjoyed and, at 18, that you have your whole life ahead of you. A cliche, yes, but true.

Do not give up. Do whatever it takes to feel better and take back your life. Be it medication, therapy, religion, whatever...it doesn't matter. What matters is your health, period. And try not to slip to the bottom of the DR/DP pit, as it's harder to crawl back out of. Try, however crazy you feel, to continue with your life - do what you used to enjoy doing, and what you didn't. This is essential. It's both a method of distraction and a way of making sure that this illness doesn't totally destroy your life.


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## GrnEyedDoll

It sucks though because I already feel like in a way it has destroyed my life. Im so terrified of everything, and it happened over night. I mean Ive had it before, but I think not knowing what it was made it more easy to dismiss it. I honestly cannot stand questioning "Do I exist?" "Does anyone else?" "Why am I me" "What happens when we die" "I dont want to die" and just feeling like things will just cease to exist and its all just built up over the years through panic attacks and now its just all on my shoulders... and I feel trapped by it. How do I know this is all real? Why is it that I can only see through my eyes and no one elses? Do other people see and experience things and feelings through their own eyes and bodies?

Grr 

And why does it seem when its later at night Ill get a horrible headache that feels like a sinus headache and Ill feel almost a drunkenness and just have to go to bed then. It scares me! And a lot of times Ill get so discouraged... Life is such a scary concept and there are so many unknowns. I want to be positive, I want to feel EMOTIONS but I dont

Ive been on my Paxil for a week and a half now, along with Xanax.


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## Coming?Back2Life

I`ve had it for 5 years now solid  no let up altho some times i`m 100x worse than normal and it seems to me it`s the anxiety i feel very disoreintated all of the time and sometimes even talking to people i can get muddled in my sentences as my brain seems to dissociate is this normal? any 1 else get that?


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## Universal

I've had mental problems for a few years now, and I can say for myself I'll probably stay like this for the rest of my life. Sad but true. Why am I so pessimistic? Cause I havn't seen a single shred of proof that will tell me otherwise. All the evidence points to the fact that this is a permanent thing and nothing medical science has come up with so far will fix it. Sorry to break it so roughly but that's just how I feel. My opinions and statements aren't final so don't go freaking out over some post. Point is I've tried many techniques and methods and none of them work for me. I'll be going to school soon and I have NO CLUE about how I'm going to handle it. I don't even know if I'll be able to fully digest the material and have decent grades, you can forget about fitting in and being popular or anything on the social level. Sorry to be so down about it but I'm very envious of those who have recovered and are leading more or less normal lives, I'm envious of normal people, I just want my freaking life back, I don't want to sit home take pills and post about my problems on some forum.


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## Jackson18

This thing is not permanent. The majority of cases is that it is anxiety and you just need to give your brain time to heal. This means doing whatever it is you need to do to distract yourself. There are a lot of options. I know what these guys(besides martin) posted doesnt help because when i was in your shoes the last thing i wanted to hear was that someone else was suffering for so long. When i read these things that they posted it reminded me of how i felt when i read similar posts back to me. I hated when people said how long theyve been suffering because naturally im a pessemist and so i felt damn thats going to me. I remember how much more it pushed me down into the depths of despair. I am only 19 so i felt the same way about life. It seemed so long and i felt like i would never make it to the end. The only thing you can do is to accept these feelings and to not llisten to them. Take these words to heart- If you find something that will help to ease your pain and distract you, your brain will slowly begin to heal itself. Personally im trying to stay away from drugs as they got me here in the first place but to each his own. Sorry if i offended anyone but throwing negativity at depression only makes things worse.


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## Universal

I guess I am being too harsh. There is hope, but I just don't see it at this point. I've tried everything under the sun and nothing is working at the moment.


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## GrnEyedDoll

Thank you for all the replies!

Im hoping to get through this as soon as I possibly can, its taken over my life and Id like my life back. I want to be able to look at life and existance as something wonderful, an adventure -- instead of afraid of it. But like the theory says; its not what youre obsessing over thats really the problem, you only obsess over things like that to get your mind away from real life problems which is why having all the answers in the world doesnt help.


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## Jack30

Green Eyes,

In your case - as in mine - I believe the strongest point of reference is to understand that it all comes down to anxiety/panic. The DP/DR is a product of it, even if it seems impossible that something so diabolical originates in something seemingly mundane, like anxiety.

No matter what symptom I have at a given time - whether acute or fleeting or long-lasting - I try to repeat one phrase to myself:

"It's panic."

"It's panic."

Know you've faced it before, and you always make it through.


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## Lynch_mob

Yeah Rossco, same deal here. It feels like sometimes i want to just respond to something then things get mixed up and it comes out sounding nothing like i wanted it to, or it's backwards and sometimes coming out with an emotion or expression i didn't want either.
Like one time i was explaining to a friend or trying to make a joke from her joke but it came out as me basically saying, that wasnt very funny and with an etremely pissed off facial expression, i didnt realize what the meaning of what i said meant and that i had had the wrong feelings on my face to go with what i was trying to get across. it's very frustrating sometimes


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## IMSojourner

It's panic. It's anxiety. If you could take a very mild benzo like lorazepam (.25 mg at a time, like I do for anxiety), and if you experience relief, you should understand by that fact that a benzo is a central nervous system DEPRESSOR. That is, if the benzo takes away the awful feeling we all know and hate/dread/fear/detest/, you can be assured that your problem IS anxiety -- and thus, quite solvable.

That should be some comfort to us all.

In my own case, I need to take Zoloft while I deal with tremendously scary feelings from childhood, when I was emotionally neglected and when I completely repressed the painful feelings that I, as a child, just could not deal with. Dealing with them now is no picnic, but when I'm done nibbling away at them, I expect my neurosis to fade away. I've been unhappy most of my life, and now I know why. For years in therapy, I continued to repress the awareness my unconscious mind had of my childhood loneliness and suffering, but now the truth is coming out and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Also, it all *feels* right. I did repress pain as a child, and it is excruciating to feel that pain today. But it is worth it, for I will not need to do it over and over again and I will be more free to live my life without neurotic symptoms or anxiety. The anxiety was like a sign on the road warning of danger. The feelings always want to erupt, but the conscious mind suppresses them. In therapy, however, something happens. The unconscious mind lets slip out things that a good therapist can interpret and reflect back to me, which often leads me to become aware consciously of something I had been repressing.

Yes, healing involves MORE PAIN, but it's the kind of pain that you can love -- because from it comes a NEW BIRTH of the REAL YOU, the REAL ME.

There is every reason to hope. Nobody has to live with this as a life sentence of confusion and misery. That's not the truth about it at all.

But we cannot do it alone. What we did alone was get ourselves into this VISE. We are like an animal in a leg-trap in the forest. We will die without help.


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## Martinelv

> That is, if the benzo takes away the awful feeling we all know and hate/dread/fear/detest/, you can be assured that your problem IS anxiety -- and thus, quite solvable


Couldn't agree more.


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## Guest

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## Da'Burgh

Oh yes, it goes away and you'll feel much better. You'll forget what it feels like. I have it once and a while and wonder if it'll go away completely, and I think it will. It's very minor now, since 2 years ago when it was like insanity. I'm having some DP right now but it doesn't affect me anymore.


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## Epiphany

Yes...I have recovered. There are many here who have. I know how difficult it can be to believe that it will ever go away...I remember feeling it was permanent and that I would never return to my "normal" self and that was the most frightening thing for me. 
But here I am...obsessive ruminations and existential thinking is no longer with me 24/7. Sure, I have my moments, flashes of feeling dissociated, but I realise now that I've always had them...I just didn't recognise what they were before my dp went into overdrive.

It does get easier to deal with...a whole lot easier if you can find ways to manage or eliminate your anxiety. Letting go of the fear (sheer terror) that you are going crazy and will never feel normal again, can be a great place to start. You just have to remember that dp/dr is all smoke and mirrors...it is an altered mind state...it fools you into believing that your old self is gone or damaged somehow...but when the dp goes away, you can recognise yourself and those around you again...you realise you aren't broken and the real you was just on vacation for a while. Stay positive and don't lose hope that you can recover. Give it time and don't have unrealistic expectations...it isn't easy and you will have good days and bad, but remember it WILL get better.

All the best.


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## GrnEyedDoll

Epiphany --

Im glad to hear such positive news. It just feels so real, well the UNREALITY feels so unreal. All the existential thoughts, feeling like the sun wont rise, feeling like Im the only one here, wondering all the whys and hows and everything else. And whatll happen after I die, and why Im alive in the first place, and why am I me in my body, etc.

I was relieved for about a week then I got bad again... This last "spell" of DP has been going on since around the beginning of December. I dont know. I just feel not me, like Ive lost myself. Like Im not in control of my own body, and Im going crazy. And all pessimistic about everything, including existance, and life and death. Its all overwhelming...


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## beatule

Epiphany said:


> Yes...I have recovered. There are many here who have. I know how difficult it can be to believe that it will ever go away...I remember feeling it was permanent and that I would never return to my "normal" self and that was the most frightening thing for me.
> But here I am...obsessive ruminations and existential thinking is no longer with me 24/7. Sure, I have my moments, flashes of feeling dissociated, but I realise now that I've always had them...I just didn't recognise what they were before my dp went into overdrive.
> 
> It does get easier to deal with...a whole lot easier if you can find ways to manage or eliminate your anxiety. Letting go of the fear (sheer terror) that you are going crazy and will never feel normal again, can be a great place to start. You just have to remember that dp/dr is all smoke and mirrors...it is an altered mind state...it fools you into believing that your old self is gone or damaged somehow...but when the dp goes away, you can recognise yourself and those around you again...you realise you aren't broken and the real you was just on vacation for a while. Stay positive and don't lose hope that you can recover. Give it time and don't have unrealistic expectations...it isn't easy and you will have good days and bad, but remember it WILL get better.
> 
> All the best.


Thanks Epiphany! Appreciate a lot your answer. I suppose nearly everyone struggling with this condition does not believe life can get better, so do I. It's just inconceivable that life can be beautiful and I can regain myself back. 
But one has to have a hope...


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