# am i getting mad?



## self_identification (Apr 6, 2015)

Hi people,

I am new here I am from germany. I am 21 years old and I dont know whats going on. I am feared as hell that I am getting psychotic because of serveral feelings and thougts. The biggest problem or the problem what causes the most fear of getting mad is that I have lost my identity or reality. I had a picture of what I am or what everything is, but this picture is gone. I know whats my name, where I live, how to get to work and so on but I am always asking myself what am I, what is life, where do we come from, what is the earth and so on. I had "answers" to these questions, but I realized that I know nothing about anything and thats where I started to realize that the whole "house" of thougts of what am I and what everything is are just illusions so this "house" broke together and I startet to think that I am getting mad because I am thinking all the time that there is coming a point when there builds up a new house of total chaos (psychosis). Again, my problems arent the symptoms itself, my problem is more the permanent fear that I am getting psychotic (since 1 year). Every day and almost all the time. I am also in psychotherapy since a year o so. So my question, is this dp/dr or a beginning of a peychosis? And how can I difference? My therapist sais he is pretty sure that I am not getting psychotic, that I have a anxiety disorder. But I cant believe it...

I am interprating everything as a symptom of a coming psychosis.

I had thougts like what when I am sleeping and everything is just a dream or I am under hypnosis and already in the madhouse in reality... I know paranoid stuff. I didnt believe it, it was just a thougt, but because of thougts like this my fear really gets at her peaks.

So greetings from germany and sorry for the german english^^ hope to get answers as soon as possible. Bye


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## WorkingOnIt (Oct 10, 2014)

self_identification said:


> Hi people,
> 
> I am new here I am from germany. I am 21 years old and I dont know whats going on. I am feared as hell that I am getting psychotic because of serveral feelings and thougts. The biggest problem or the problem what causes the most fear of getting mad is that I have lost my identity or reality. I had a picture of what I am or what everything is, but this picture is gone. I know whats my name, where I live, how to get to work and so on but I am always asking myself what am I, what is life, where do we come from, what is the earth and so on. I had "answers" to these questions, but I realized that I know nothing about anything and thats where I started to realize that the whole "house" of thougts of what am I and what everything is are just illusions so this "house" broke together and I startet to think that I am getting mad because I am thinking all the time that there is coming a point when there builds up a new house of total chaos (psychosis). Again, my problems arent the symptoms itself, my problem is more the permanent fear that I am getting psychotic (since 1 year). Every day and almost all the time. I am also in psychotherapy since a year o so. So my question, is this dp/dr or a beginning of a peychosis? And how can I difference? My therapist sais he is pretty sure that I am not getting psychotic, that I have a anxiety disorder. But I cant believe it...
> 
> ...


Hello from the USA! I lived for 6 months in Stuttgart and enjoyed it very much!
I know how you feel. In the worst times I feel like all of my cognitive constructs are destroyed, and it scares me unbelievably. I relate to you very much. The anxiety is enormous. It's more than I ever thought possible. Most people here including myself will tell you that psychosis is not something that you're aware of in the same way that we're aware of our disconnection. Typically the belief is that we have anxiety through the roof and we panic about that feeling, which makes it worst. There isn't a strong connection (or any that I know of) between us and psychosis.


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