# Recovery notes



## alphaman (Nov 4, 2005)

After a year of work on myself and healing, intrusive episodes of DR are much less frequent.

Lessons learnt:

I believe my DR is/was basically OCD and aniexty symptoms. There is a family history of this and I can see my childhood or teenage DR experiences in a new light now.

The cause of the anxiety/ocd is some sort of post-trauma response. Repressed feelings, energy trapped in the body. I'm with Peter Levine and Janov (primal therapy) on much of these issues.

Don't take the existential ruminations too seriously. The brain is a sort of conciousness radio and it just happens to be tuning into a bad frequency due to holistic trauma issues.

My nervous crisis forced me to seek healing.

I contacted an energy healer who was very effective. I believe body and spiritual therapy is much more effective for me than talk therapy.

I have learnt that as soon as OCD or anxiety symptoms emerge it is becayse I am NOT feeling something.

I have learnt to go home, lie on the bed naked and just let myself twitch, shake, cry, sweat and, in some cases, dry-vomit so intense is the expression. This is the primal level of some of the feelings that were not being expressed. I found myself consumed 'in the moment' and often with images and insights appearing in my mind. It can be very intense but you are probably dealing with severe abandoment trauma and intense feelings of lonilness and struggle. Sometimes I'd visualize vomiting huge black slugs.

This has similarities with shamanic healing.

Frequency of these 'self healing sessions' has lessened alot. Thoughts about DR or being 'sick' have greatly lessened over the months.

But if my shoulder slighty twithes....I take it seriously. Theres energy building again which needs release.

The presence of a healer in a safe place is important as I think the inner self needs to feel the unconditional love of another in a safe environment with boundaries.

I called out to higher spiritual powers to help me, as my soul was in state of utter spiritual desperation.

I noticed fatigue and darkness (being outside in the evening) could trigger DR. Again, like primal fear being activated.

I also established dialogs with internal characters representing organs, my unconcious and my brain. They are often very eager to help and I still visualize turning the volume down on my 'brain machine' when going to sleep.

In my life in general I have become more honest and courageous. I talked about my episodes of DR with a close and trusted friend, a lot with many other secret areas of my life experiences. Again, part of letting go and building a love connection with someone was very healing.

I also believe there is meta structure to universe that is good, and at some level I have faith in it. I cannot reconcile the extreme suffering in the universe with its good bits...but at this level conviousness maybe we can't.

I also eat reasonably well and daily take flax oil for brain health and exercise.

Use of alchohol has dropped as I have got better. It is very effective for me as self medication for OCD/anxiety and I am thankful for it for that reason.

So.... twitching and body movements are a good sign. To me, the key is reintegrating the mind with the body and to stop living a lie... to tell your true story to trusted people.

I hope this helps some people here.

I accept my brain/mind is a little unusual....its very creative, visual and intelligent but with the downside it can get locked in disturbinging thought modes....

The presence of OCD/anxiety or DR, to me, is a brutal message to force change in a maladapted organism, to break through social conditioning and survival patterns into a healing state.

Its not easy and it can take months.

One you let go and ask to heal, you may find the universe starts providing the people and the situations you need to exit the 'long dark night of the soul'.

If most people knew my story they'd probably think me a mental case... but there are a trusted few. True intimacy and compassion require a complete lack of shame and this sort of honesty.

Take care all.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

That is very good advice alphaman, especially about being honest and "reintegrating the mind with the body and to stop living a lie". I think we have to accept that people will think that we are a bit mental if we are going to stop denying how we are really feeling when expressing ourselves.


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## rui (Apr 27, 2005)

This a truly honest and insightful and post about awareness therapies.

All of what you are experiencing I am experiencing too, all those "twitch" sessions are releasing "primordial stuff" that is emerging from deeper layers of universal conscious. I've seen my share of onirical images and indeed all those symbols, all that meaning there, are conceptual thought forms that probably are "stucked" on our universal mind/soul/energy and that now needs to be released. All this releasing is painful but its a necessary step to "clean the house" so to speak so that our souls can reintegrate and start to download all the good stuff to clear the way for better things...

Ok, the question is, why do we need to release anything? Can't we just be happy?

Well, from my experiences, and what I've learned it can be the case that all this primordial bad energy soup is the stuff human being call "the human condition" and their source of misery and unhappiness. Lets face it, this stuff is what human beings say they are "made of" today. But Human condition is not permanent. This is a self restructuring universe that converges to the expression of creativity and high level orders. The universe is like humans, it strives to be better. All of humanity is bound for a change.

I believe we are the precursors of that change. Why? How? Don't know yet. But we are the it. Call it whatever you want. Humanity is changing and we are doing all the hard work.

This is as "spiritual" as it is "psychological" as it is "science", its a real phenomena and its based on reality as we know it.

There are more and more scientifical discoveries that point the way for a notion of a quantum continuum and that all matter is just energy on an lower frequency and that all thought is this intelligent computer like universe and that we, sentient beings, are just an expression of that energy.

There is a movie called "What the bleep do you know", that explains all this on a powerful and insightful way. I highly advise anyone here to see it, its inspiring, revealing and it provides hope and a meta-framing around all of this DP experience.

All of this will be explained.

The truth is indeed out there.... not just "inside".

Peace.


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## chris51 (Mar 21, 2005)

I am what you have desribed. Funny, recently I have been looking for a spiritual healer. Thanks for posting .I am going to keep on referrign to this post on an innovator.


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## Ludovico (Feb 9, 2007)

It's comforting to hear that I am not the only one who experiences muscle twitches since depersonalization occurred. I have noticed that they dissipate when I meditate or reach a state of acceptance and relaxation, and this helps confirm it.


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## desperado (May 12, 2006)

i also recommend the movie. 
interesting how rui always comments on stuff which i also regard as important for recovery. you will recover 100% rui, thats for sure! read some of his other posts, folks!

well, concerning the movie. the movie says more or less that the way we think and what we think eventually effects our life and everything in it, our wellbeing, relationships, work etc. - you are what you think all day long!
the movie tries to substantiate this statement by the findings of modern quantum physics.

thoughts from the movie which i regard as important:
(translated from my language)
- we tend to think that the world exists independently from our experiences. but thats not true. 
our body exists the way it exists depending on our experiences, and our experiences can be changed by us, by the way we think and perceive things! -

- so we have to map out, phrase and picture what we want. and we have to be so concentrated and focused on it that this picture becomes the only real picture. and your life will change to conform that picture.

- another point mentioned in the movie is the following: everytime in everything what you do or think you have a set of different possibilities you can take. when you set you mind to one of these possibilities and choose it you take a decision. you then can ask yourself does this decision help me achieve what i want (recovery) or not.


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