# Is this really DP/DR or something worst?



## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

HELLO.........

I just want to give you a brief explanation of my symptoms and story. It helps me to talk about it. The main concern I have is this: I seriously, honest to God feel like I am developing schizophrenia or some kind of psychotic mental issue. I need to know, in your opinion if the following is DP/DR or possible schizophrenia or psychosis. I will try and explain in detail but short and brief.

I am a 22 year old male (as of 10/29/2013) Growing up I had a lot of traumatic experiences via molestation, physical abuse, emotional abuse etc. I was heavy in smoking marijuana from age 13-20, I drank lots of alcohol starting at age 9 and started binge drinking at age 14 or 15. I also was into prescription medications such as Benzodiazepines, pain killers etc. Not as much as the weed and alcohol. I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety in my adolescent years. They put me on Lamictal, Zoloft and Seroquel. I have always lived with my mother, no father no siblings in my life (I have them but on my dads side, who isn't in my life) My mother is the main source of my Ptsd, she had a TBI and other mental health issues, I was her caretaker sense I was young. (I grew up fast) There were times I seen her get taken out naked on bedsheets to the hospital, times she almost died in the hospital and at home, I seen her hallucinate and stick objects in her vaginal area when she was very ill. This was very traumatic. Well, I found her Deceased in her bedroom on 3/29/12 and I have been falling apart. I have a grandmother who has helped me a lot, and two friends but that's about it. I stopped taking all my meds in 2010 cold turkey as I thought "God" could heal me. Well, I have always had a sense of brain fog and DR since smoking pot as a teen and the traumatic experiences that's why I was on Lamictal. Anyways, my symptoms have gotten worst to the point I feel Like I am developing schizophrenia or something serious. ( I am at high risk due to being a young male with substance abusing during developing age, Trauma in my child hood etc) I will add that I have had 2 major perceptional changes in my world view and perception of life.. I went from being a non believer, to a die hard Christian to being in a new faith now. but its been such a harsh transfer that I don't know whats real anymore. Or whats what for that matter.

My symptoms as of the last 2 years include but not limited to:

1) Constant state of being in my head, like I am so detached from my surroundings that I am literally just in my mind but I can still react to things in reality. Its like in 2 worlds at once, literally, and I am aware of it. Its frightening because I can never snap out of it especially when its bad. I will imagine hallucinations and crazy thoughts that seem to manifest almost like hallucinating but I am aware that its just in my mind, its like being in a trance. I don't physically see them manifest although I fear I will one of these times and not be able to discern my imagination from reality.

2) Great Fear, anxiety and panic attacks have been prevalent in my life lately. Its crippling to say the least. and being stuck in my head, or having been overstimulated via work, school, conversations or stress makes it way worst.

3) Constant feeling of being overstimulated. I am completely intolerable to alcohol or drugs, including prescription meds. I feel as if I have stared at a screen for days or have listened to a very long lecture, my brain constantly feels fried.

4) I have obsessive and intrusive thoughts about death and insanity and all these crazy delusional thoughts that don't shut up

5) I get vertigo type feelings, tunnel vision and rarely I get hallucinations of like black or white dots occasionally I see shadows or lights in the corner of my eye. My visual perception is very out of wack.

6) I feel like I am losing my mind, like I am on the verge of snapping and completely losing it. I often fear I will experience psychosis and never return to "reality"

7) I don't hear voices but I fear I will. The main thing is, I get so stuck in my mind that its hard to snap out of it and I fear my mind will cause some kind of hallucination or my thoughts will overcome my sense of reality. I hope you understand.

numb emotions and random laughter. I laugh randomly because its so miserable and my emotions are numb I can never describe how I feel like I am detached from them.

9) Detachment from emotions, surroundings, friends, family and even body although I always maintain awareness of these things (Again its like in two worlds at once)

10) Paranoia, I am paranoid of my health, of medications of my symptoms, of foods, and drinks and even certain random things. like I wont drink Gatorade or vitamins or something because I get scared its going to increase anxiety or being stuck in my head. I am very sensitive and fragile

11) I spend all my energy and focus on just trying to stay sane and keep my symptoms at bay, its exhausting and like I said I barly shower, shave, eat or anything... I get so damn stuck in my crazy head constantly. I sometimes will run a bath, and then leave the tub full because I am scared to take a bath because I dont wanna see everything around me start disinergrating around me and start thinking obsesively while freaking myself out. I often get more stuck in my head and have weird things happen when i am in the bathroom. I sometimes wear the same clothes for days if not weaks. and its not that I dont want to clean myself or anything its that my mind is so messed up that I dont.

12) Its hard to hold conversations or be engaged in an activity for awhile such as school or work. I start to drift and get tunnel vision and become more stuck in my mind.

13) Isolation is prevelant too, I isloate myself too much but it makes thing worst.

I have abnormal fears too, I look at myself in the mirror and its like it isn't me. As mentioned above, I don't shower or shave or take care of myself often. My hygiene is very poor due to panic attacks and being stuck in my mind more so then usual in the bathroom.

I haven't had a haircut in awhile because I have been so anxious that I am going insane. I do tend to Isolate myself a lot. I do have insomnia I don't sleep until 7am and don't get up until like 2 or 3pm

I have my worst anxiety between 3am and 4am but I start to calm down and wind down afterwords. I created this fear with obsessive thinking.

To add as well, where I work I have seen 3 people die, 1 person stop breathing and have had a lot of bloody spills and traumatic experiences there it is a very stressful Job. I work around chronic mentally ill people and alcoholics. Its a housing complex for homeless alcoholics. Its very stressful and shifts vary sometimes you work 11-7am 3-11pm 12-8am 4-12 am etc etc.

I know there is more to add but this is the big picture. I probably forgot symptoms but, oh yeah, memory loss is big, I hardly remember my childhood or anything in the past its like a big blur, I have changed so many times that its hard to tell who I really am. I have been so many different people in one body it feels like.

Another thing to add is I have a spinal injury from a car accident and that has been stressful 3 vertebrae are damaged and I see a chiropractor weekly. I also have 21k in debt via student loans and car payments. Its a lot of crap that adds up... Thank you if you humbly took the time to read all of this. In your opinion, is this likely DP/DR or is it the onset of Schizophrenia or something severe such as Psychosis?

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, GAD and DP/DR symptoms but not this disorder. also to add, I have a family history of Bipolar and alcoholism. I am 100% Sober now though, no tobacco no nothing.


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

Thanks for the reply


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## Doberg (Sep 12, 2013)

I notice when my anxiety is down that I am more "stable" although I still have DP/DR constantly and I will still see things that are not there occasionally, like today I seen a shadow in the corner of my and I also though I seen my cat run up the stairs. I wonder if this is just chronic anxiety, I never really seen things until my anxiety and intrusive thoughts got really bad. 7 out of 10 times when I think I seen something that wasn't there I found out something was there lol. Like the other night I thought I seen something on the wall that wasn't there, well I looked and it was some kind of wax or sticky substance that created a reflection... I know you say I am not going crazy but I see people say that DP/DR is a symptom of Schizophrenia and I believe someone even accused the majority of us as having a form of schizophrenia which triggered a severe anxiety attack for me. When I look into it, DP/DR is common and overlaps many with schizophrenia. Each case is different so no one can say for sure. I believe personally that the majority of my issues are trauma and anxiety related but I am high risk for Schizophrenia. I have seen a few doctors, one of which has known me for 3 plus years and all of them do not think I have schizophrenia. SO that should be a sign that I don't have it, but as you know I need reassurance all the time. I also heard that anxiety disorders and what not create similar symptoms of schizophrenia so its easy to misdiagnose. The docs say I need to control the anxiety before we can determine if its something more serious such as schizophrenia. I have had such High levels of anxiety everyday for years that its crippling and I wonder if there will be permanent damage as my hormonal chemicals are way out of wack (Low serotonin and High cortisol) I know I should try medications but I fear that I am so fragile that they will make it worst. I also have an irrational fear of medications like a legit phobia. Plus, my mother overdosed on medications which is how I found her, it was an un intentional suicide. But who knows.


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