# Starting to feel like myself



## ballagher (Aug 18, 2004)

So...this is my third experience with DP in the past 10 years. Each experience has lasted between a few months and a year. This episode started in March (after I smoked some weed which I will never do again) and I'm really starting to come around. I think the Claire Weekes book really helped. Read it quite a bit then really just started living and not thinking about the feeling that "I'm not reallyhere". Trust me, I know what you guys are talking about, as mentioned, this is my third experience and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. For the past few weeks I've really been able to go for hours without thinking about the DP or letting it bother me. Play sports, go to football games, go drinking with friends etc. A few weeks ago I went to a party with friends. Drinking all night and at one point, the DP started, went outside. Could have walked home but instead said, NO...that would be letting it win. I sucked it up and went back inside. Ended up partying till early in the am. When it first started in March I was devastated. Same feeling as last time, didn't feel like I was there, was totally scared to do anything but kept forcing myself to do it. Took a while to tell my wife/family but eventually did. Weddings and other events were really hard. I wasn't myself but knew that I had to keep getting out there and eventually the feelings woudl subside. I had so much going on too, toddler, moved, changed locations at work, etc. Very difficult to deal with all of these while feeling this way. I highly recommend Dr Weekes book. So helpful. Anyways, I just wanted to say that you can't let this feeling win. Keep going to work, keep going out with friends, keep playing sports, etc. It is not easy, but it will eventually start to feel normal. As mentioned before, I've been through this a few tiems in the past 10 years and know that it will subside. I'm still not back to myself 100% and I'm a big believer in the fact that this is a 'shell' that we enter in to to protect ourselves/escape from what is going on. Before the DP started in March we had quite a bit of stress and I thought I was dealign with it. I'm certain that the weed let my guard down and I feel into DP with teh weight of the stress on my shoulders. Keep positive, keep living life and it will get better. Don't try and force 'normal feelings' they will come. Remember that life is a long journey with many ups and downs, this is just a bump in the road.


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## ballagher (Aug 18, 2004)

So...this is my third experience with DP in the past 10 years. Each experience has lasted between a few months and a year. This episode started in March (after I smoked some weed which I will never do again) and I'm really starting to come around. I think the Claire Weekes book really helped. Read it quite a bit then really just started living and not thinking about the feeling that "I'm not reallyhere". Trust me, I know what you guys are talking about, as mentioned, this is my third experience and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. For the past few weeks I've really been able to go for hours without thinking about the DP or letting it bother me. Play sports, go to football games, go drinking with friends etc. A few weeks ago I went to a party with friends. Drinking all night and at one point, the DP started, went outside. Could have walked home but instead said, NO...that would be letting it win. I sucked it up and went back inside. Ended up partying till early in the am. When it first started in March I was devastated. Same feeling as last time, didn't feel like I was there, was totally scared to do anything but kept forcing myself to do it. Took a while to tell my wife/family but eventually did. Weddings and other events were really hard. I wasn't myself but knew that I had to keep getting out there and eventually the feelings woudl subside. I had so much going on too, toddler, moved, changed locations at work, etc. Very difficult to deal with all of these while feeling this way. I highly recommend Dr Weekes book. So helpful. Anyways, I just wanted to say that you can't let this feeling win. Keep going to work, keep going out with friends, keep playing sports, etc. It is not easy, but it will eventually start to feel normal. As mentioned before, I've been through this a few tiems in the past 10 years and know that it will subside. I'm still not back to myself 100% and I'm a big believer in the fact that this is a 'shell' that we enter in to to protect ourselves/escape from what is going on. Before the DP started in March we had quite a bit of stress and I thought I was dealign with it. I'm certain that the weed let my guard down and I feel into DP with teh weight of the stress on my shoulders. Keep positive, keep living life and it will get better. Don't try and force 'normal feelings' they will come. Remember that life is a long journey with many ups and downs, this is just a bump in the road.


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

your post has really given me hope and i just wanted to thank 

i will be looking for that book too


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

your post has really given me hope and i just wanted to thank 

i will be looking for that book too


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## Guest (Nov 7, 2004)

I agree with Ballagher completely. I've been battling DP/DR for about two and a half months now after smoking weed for the first time (which I'll certainly never do again). The more I fought the feelings, the more I slipped into my own mind and started to disappear. Yet, the more I accepted and tried to live with them, the more THEY would recede and slowly disappear. I still have bad bad days (over the past few days I had a fear that everything around me is just a figment of my imagination) but I no longer have intense panic attacks or feelings of just giving up on myself. I actually see now how I am slowly getting rid of each symptom at a time by accepting. As soon as I accept, it's no longer shocking or scary and it goes away.

I also took Janine's advice from various other posts and decided to be more accepting of my own self. I now am trying to express my emotions more, of facing who I truly am so that I won't have to hide in this shell anymore.

I still have a long long way to go but I truly believe that this is almost like a Freddie Cruger (however you spell his name) syndrome.... as soon as you lose the fear of "it" and face it, it might just disappear.....


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## DutchMark (Aug 10, 2004)

same for me, did exactly the same thing, accepting the feelings and do as much as possible instead of think as much as possible.
Still have bad days but a lot of good ones to, hang in everybody :wink:


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## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

what do you mean by accepting the feelings?

i ahve a similar story, beat it before and its back....i know last time i just got on with it and it went.... then i had a re lapse highly stressfull/ anxious event and it returned..... the aspect i was stressed/anxious about has gone, yet i'm left with dp. i'm still out there drinking, playing sports etc... no one realises i'm like this....i suppose its fading slightly,...do you mean accept the feelings i.e not letting them bother you?

i know my next step is to GET OFF this website!!! i know its good, but it keeps it on your mind


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## nu-power (Sep 27, 2006)

i dont think they'll reply. this post is three years old


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## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

true  haha...thats a good sign then! shows there not hanging round here anymore!..lol does anyone else know what they mean by accepting it?


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## nu-power (Sep 27, 2006)

i want to know that too


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## ballagher (Aug 18, 2004)

haven't been on here in a while...just noticed someone responded to my post from many moons ago....

it's been over 3 years and while I've had ups and downs, I'm starting to truly appreciate what 'accept the feelings' means. It's not easy, but instead of focusing on 'not being in the room' or 'feeling unreal' etc, the best thing to do is just say 'there it is' and move on. The more you allow it to happen without worrying about it, the more your body doesn't react in fear and the cycle of fear worry fear etc stops.

I've been taking meds for a month and a bit now 'anti-depression' and it's working great. It tends to stop the 'physical' reactions to the fear thoughts which then stop further fear thoughts from happening.

I've had a few great weeks so I thought I check back in to give people hope that this anxiety based thing we call dp is something that we need to learn to not fear but rather see as a reaction that we have to stress, anxiety, life etc and do all the things we see in the posts to allieviate it...exercise, off coffee, sleep well, etc. It really does help.


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