# new here, and very sad :(



## maggie78 (Jan 16, 2013)

hi guys, im Maggie, im not sure where to start, i have been through a difficult time in my life recently, stress, depression etc. Last week i ended up in hospital with panic attack and severe palpitations, i thought i was dying!  And since then i felt like i have changed inside, like me is no longer me. I mean i know this is not true, but it feels like i live in another dimension, like i dont understand the world, that everyone and everything is 'out there', but im not, im somewhere else. I am cut off my feelings and external world, i cannot think abstractively, everyone looks and feels strange to me, or emotionally unavailable. I dont have the feeling of being behind a glass wall or dreamlike, i can see normally, just feel like i dont feel my feelings and do not realize that i am here and now. LIke everything is normal but im just in another world. Im watching the news now and all the events seem to be hapening in 'that' world, the one i used to live in before the attack, now im somewhere else, im feeling spaced out and dont even know if this is the real me typing it  I became depressed about it, i lost interest in life, sitting at home and thinking  I have severe anxiety on top of that. And am worried that im going mad and never return to the world i knew before and my feelings. few days ago i lost sense of time and space, i felt like i was in vacuum! i could type more and more here...just not even sure if this is due to anxiety or perhaps schizophrenia, although all doctors i saw ensured me this is only anxiety/depression. Just wanted to introduce myself xxx


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## mipmunk40 (Nov 13, 2012)

Hi Maggie, yes you are describing the symptoms of depersonalisation, I have had mine this time around 3 and a half months, I got depression last September, and after 3 days of suffering that this DP kicked in. I too have lost my sense of self and my identity and I too don't feel like I am currently part of the world and that I am not really in it properly. Sorry to hear you have become DP'd, but you too will find plenty of help and advice on here. Roxy x


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## maggie78 (Jan 16, 2013)

its just this time derealization feels different, i had it before and it was a dreamlike feeling, like there was a veil between me and the world. and i got out of it as soon as depression was gone. this time everything looks normal, i dont have the feeling of being behind a veil, its more like i shifted to another dimention, everyone is there in the other world and im here, somewhere else. It feels like i cannot connect emotionally with anything or anyone, even Monday doesnt feel like 'Monday' if you know what i mean  i always thought about everything in terms of emotions and now these emotions are not present. Im rather 'outside' myself in my mind that 'inside' myself like it used to be in previous episodes of DP/DR. Very difficult to describe. JUst because it feels different now im thinking im getting psychotic. Although i have NO other symptoms of psychosis, confimed by doctors.

x


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## gonegone (Jun 20, 2012)

sounds like severe depression


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## DarkMatter (Nov 18, 2011)

You had derealization, got cured, and got depersonalization


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## FabricLive (Jan 18, 2013)

Maggie, you are dealing with derealization and depersonalization as a result of extreme anxiety and depression. Anxiety can be very tricky. I dealt with all of these feelings and I'm completely fine now. I struggle with normal everyday stress. Don't let anyone fool you, this is not forever. I've been through the worst. This site with make you think your life is over. Seriously. Yes, I am medicated, but it was the only thing that could bring me out of what I was in. SSRI's made me worse, but may work for you. I had to go on a tricyclic antidepressant. Just work with your doctor, and you will make it out. I spent 3 to 4 months of my life thinking I was stuck with this forever. You'll get through. Take care!


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## maggie78 (Jan 16, 2013)

thank you so much for your answers! i am so confused whether i have dp or dr that i actually dont care anymore if i have both  Feeling very unreal still, but the medication is starting to kick in slowly i guess because i have moved from a 'very deep hole' to a 'deep hole' today if that can describe what i mean  I too have been through a couple of episodes of depression in my life and like Newbie says, DP/DR got cured as soon as the damn depression went away. So i do believe its not forever, just in me the problem is that i get different symptoms each time im depressed! this is quite scary because i never know what comes next! and every time i think that this is it! - i have finally gone psychotic. Although all doctors and therapists i have seen reassure me that this is 'normal' and will pass and never turns into psychosis. Easy to say for someone who is ok. Me being a big worrier will probably step into this state more than once throughout my life. It is the strangest thing ever! i would rather suffer from a physical illness than have this but hey.... im not alone and thank you for your support. x


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

Your doctors are right. Initial unfamiliarity with depersonalization symptoms frequently causes sufferers to feel like they're going crazy. But your reality testing is intact.

D.P. = subjective sense of unreality with reality testing intact.


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## mipmunk40 (Nov 13, 2012)

that is what I am hoping that the DP will go once the underlying depression is cured.....


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## Jonajona (Jan 12, 2013)

Maggie it just sounds like me what you describe all the doctors told me that it wouldn't change into pycosis i convinced myself i was schiz which didnt help ,you are not crazy depression can wear people down I was in a bad way month or so ago my drugs have must have pulled me through a bit , not as bad lately but you are not crazy you have insight keep busy as much as you can distraction is a key it helps me let go of yourself your mind just needs a rest chin up I no how you feel as I'm sure most of us on here do , it's a helpful site im new to it and helps to no your not the only one although you wouldn't wish it on anybody ,6 years me and still ain't gone mad been tuff really hard but distraction although hard to do things that you don't want to do ,but let your mind retrain itself it's a bitch this life constantly looking for your old self I have lost myself but I will find me it won't beat me I won't a life lets beat this shit a stay strong


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