# Hello..



## jessyroo (Jan 6, 2009)

I have had these feelings since September 2007. I started using drugs recreationally in about February 2007 (I had smoked cannabis very infrequently much earlier than this). The drugs I started using were mainly mdma and amphetamines..cocaine once or twice - and of course whatever else was mixed in! I still wouldnt say I used them a lot - maybe once every 3 weeks or so and not to excess (at least compared with others I was with). I would have a maximum of three pills at a time as I am quite sensitive to all drugs. Anyway in September 07 I had some 'dodgy' pills. They felt more like amphetamine than mdma but also had some trippyness to them..the next week or so I had an awful comedown and felt really unwell - not psychologically just physically exhausted. I NEVER had any problems with anxiety AT ALL in the past - I've always been a very chilled out relaxed, confident person. Anyway during this 'comedown' I was sat watching TV and suddenly felt very 'out of it', lightheaded, anxious - probably a panic attack but I felt like I was going to pass out and never wake up! Ever since this 'episode' I havent felt the same - so I guess mine had a sudden onset.

I went to the doctor complaining of being dizzy and out of it - I also had a fever. They prescribed me with stemetil (treatment for inner ear disorders). They thought I had viral labrynthitis. Stemetil just controls the dizzyness supposedely - it's also an antipsychotic in high doses used to treat anxiety disorders and schizophrenics. Anyway it made me MUCH MUCH worse so I discontinued it - went back - they gave me SERC...same reaction - same kind of drug. I got much worse with the fever and general ill feeling so they gave me some antibiotics. I was bed ridden for about 2 weeks - horrendously ill and honestly thought I was going to die but the antibiotics eventually kicked in and my ill feeling improved - but my dp feelings stayed the same - so they thought I had bacterial labrynthitis.

I was better for about a week then the fever returned so for months i was back and forth at the docs getting repeated antibiotics which always made the fever and illness go but not the dp. They thought I had bronchitis to pneumonia (despite NO cough!!?)...they thought I had ME...depression/anxiety causing crappy immune system. They sent me to see an ENT who was useless..sent for for loads of blood tests, x-rayed my chest etc when finally they referred me to the infectious disease clinic at the hospital - after being so ill for months and being constantly told they pretty much didnt know or I was depressed! Of course I was depressed! But because I constantly felt awful! They tried to give me prozac and benzos but i refused to take anything that would mess my mind up further - obviously i was no longer taking recreational drugs including alcohol

Anyway the people at the infectious disease clinic were wonderful and although they never gave me a diagnosis they looked for everything. Tested my blood for everything...gave me a CT and MRI to check for anything nasty etc. They concluded that I must have 'some' kind of infection due to the fact that I had fever and responded well to antibiotics - so they put me on 3 months of two different broad-spectrum high dose antibiotics (not cheap amoxicillin as before!) and I got better. My hazyness is still here but it is improved compared to what it was and I feel much healthier ...no more fevers etc. I think being ill aggravated or even caused the dp. I wasnt off the antibiotics untill June 08 so I'm still in recovery. I havent touched drugs and don't plan on ever again even if they didnt cause it. Although I can enjoy the odd drink now which shows I've improved. It's made me value my physical and mental health MUCH more.

However it's January 09 now and a bit of a worry that my minds still not anywhere near 'right' despite being improved...I have bad weeks ..if I'm stressed it gets much worse. I try to go out as much as possible to gigs/concerts as when I'm enjoying myself I don't feel it half as much and nothing wrong with a bit of healthy escapism! I do wonder if I'll ever feel normal again though and sometimes it really gets me down. It dosent really stop me from doing things like it used to but I do still feel like a different person. Im very anxious, insecure, sensitive to criticism/rejection etc and I never used to be. I started university last year and am struggling with the workload...I dont feel as intelligent as I used to be..find it hard to concentrate etc..and have difficulty making friends (I never used to!)...I have good friends but struggle to make new ones..I feel 'different' to other people..I'm quite cynical of other people and quick to judge so I sort of bring it on myself! Hmm..anyway that's my story..sorry it was long and rambly but nice to get it out


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## Cathal_08 (Apr 7, 2008)

this is only gonna be a short reply but its looks like your doing alright, keep going out as often as you want to gigs/concerts etc. and just dont let it hold you back from doing things try to get out as much as you can and keep in your usual routine.


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## invisible.ink (Feb 2, 2007)

Welcome! I hope you find relief soon.


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