# Im baaack.



## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Well guys. its been a few years. not sure why as ive pretty much had it again since i had my little girl 3 years ago!
its been a journey and im only out of a 3 month hospital stay in a mental health hospital. I was there to get help with my anxiety but instead i got detoxed from the valium i was on. it was a disater and i only got worse. I went in and outta dp and panic attacks th last few months. I left the hospital feeling well and on meds obviously ,my life got stressful and now im back in Dp and panic.

Here goes my symptoms. Constant feelings of panic and a shaking breath. Looking at my folks and wondering who i am to them and how i relate.
Thinking its weird that I am a person who is after and from another person. Feeling alienated and like i dont belong anywhere.
Confused as to where to place myself in the world. As i recover now Constant crying and sadness as i slowly start to repersonalise and feeling like im going back to normal but not quite sure where i am going to as I have lost what is normal. 
Not wanting to be anywhere really. 
Can anyone relate to the above? 
How do i trust its normal to go back to normal if that makes sense. I dont know what to do with myself. I also have a burning chest from the fear in my body!


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## Cray2344 (Sep 14, 2018)

Its incredible (or rather unfortunate for us) what the mind and body can do to ourselves.
Their is a fear that we don't know if there is something greater that is the problem, but the truth is that there doesn't necessarily have to be anything medical that is causing our anxiety and fear.
I think that crying and sadness are very positive reactions. Of course that might seem odd at first, but unlike me who has had my emotions numb throughout my life (which btw is one cause of my disassociating) you are actually grieving. Its very positive and you should not see it as a bad thing. Express your feelings just don't try to let them take control over you. I'm not a therapist so i am not qualified to offer any substantial help - But hopefully you can find someone to support you.


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## Legalmeans778 (6 mo ago)

Hello,
It sounds like you’ve had DP in the past, your symptoms now a day sound like typical DP. The only recommendation I can give you is to ground yourself via mindfulness and therapy. You’ve clearly been through a lot, however, you have improved before you can again.


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## Legalmeans778 (6 mo ago)

Also, we’ve never had them
Here before!


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Legalmeans778 said:


> Hello,
> It sounds like you’ve had DP in the past, your symptoms now a day sound like typical DP. The only recommendation I can give you is to ground yourself via mindfulness and therapy. You’ve clearly been through a lot, however, you have improved before you can again.


Thanks for your response . Good to hear the symptoms are classic dp . I have severe anxiety feels like acid through my veins especially in the morning . Would it be normal I’m feeling more anxiety As the dp blanket is lifting ? I’m actually nauseous with panic .


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Cray2344 said:


> Its incredible (or rather unfortunate for us) what the mind and body can do to ourselves.
> Their is a fear that we don't know if there is something greater that is the problem, but the truth is that there doesn't necessarily have to be anything medical that is causing our anxiety and fear.
> I think that crying and sadness are very positive reactions. Of course that might seem odd at first, but unlike me who has had my emotions numb throughout my life (which btw is one cause of my disassociating) you are actually grieving. Its very positive and you should not see it as a bad thing. Express your feelings just don't try to let them take control over you. I'm not a therapist so i am not qualified to offer any substantial help - But hopefully you can find someone to support you.


Thanks for your response . Yes I reckon there is a lot of grieving going on . I wake to severe anxiety and then I start to cry and cry and the panic turns into sadness . Would you say the severe anxiety is just masking emotions I don’t wanna feel ?


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## Cray2344 (Sep 14, 2018)

katiej said:


> Thanks for your response . Yes I reckon there is a lot of grieving going on . I wake to severe anxiety and then I start to cry and cry and the panic turns into sadness . Would you say the severe anxiety is just masking emotions I don’t wanna feel ?


I am not a therapist, therefore I'm not qualified to give you advice.
I can only speak from my own perspective.
None of what I say is necessarily true nor is it a fact and you should absolutely go seek a professionals advice.

I am not sure i understand what you are saying.
You wrote that you wake up to severe anxiety. Then you experience fear, which turns into panic, which then turns to sadness.
If I had to take a guess, i think i can correlate to what you say. What you did not mention however, is _what makes_ _you_ experience the anxiety.
I presume that's what you mean with '_severe anxiety that is masking emotions.._'
Again i am not qualified to give out advice, so you really should check with a therapist. 
I am again presuming that typically anxiety has a root cause, however finding that root cause and tackling it can be difficult.

Again from my own experience, and possibly from others which i have read in this forum - There seems to be some kind of existential fear when it comes to DP.
For me as of now, where I have partially recovered from chronic DP/DR for 6 and a half years (Far from fully recovered) - It is the _fear of relapse_ - that is chewing me up.
But again back to the fear of existentialism, there also seems to be a fear of_ permanency._

I mean if i was experiencing withdrawals from stopping anti-depressant medication, and i was guaranteed that the withdrawal symptoms would end in a week. 
It would definitely suck to experience those withdrawals, but i would _know_ that these symptoms would stop in a weeks time.

It is possibly this fear, _this anxiety_ of this state being permanent, that can drive SOME people that experience DP/DR experiencing a _prolonged_ recovery from the symptoms.


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## Chip1021 (Mar 24, 2018)

I just have to comment on something here. There seems to be a lot of “Im not a professional and therefore not qualified to give my perspective or advice…get a professional evaluation to be sure….”

Bull.

I sought out help from professionals for years, always getting diagnosed with “depression” this and “anxiety” that and being put on several meds and ECT that all just made everything worse.

These problems that we deal with are a collection of thoughts, feelings, sensations, beliefs, and experiences. As such, WE ARE the experts. The mental health professionals know what they read from textbooks; we know from experience. I’m not suggesting to avoid professionals, but I’m just warning against accepting what they say simply because they are experts. The better approach in my view is to listen to a variety of viewpoints, especially from those whose experience seems most similar to yours to see what might be the most optimal approach. DPDR, like all so-called “mental illnesses,” is not a unitary phenomenon.


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