# relapse: different, yet horrifyingly familiar



## loopholes (Apr 10, 2016)

Hi,

New to the site, I wouldn't normally join something like this but I've been really bad about bottling up my issues in the past and I'm trying to be more open this time around...

I first developed DP in high school, had it for about 2 years (honestly this time of my life was such a terrible blur that I'm not sure how long it was) and it nearly killed me. I didn't find out what it was until after I was out of it. I honestly don't know how I managed to recover, I didn't really tell anyone what I was experiencing and certainly didn't seek psychiatric help. Just had moments of reality which gradually became larger and tried not to dwell in the DP (easier said than done, you know how this goes).

I wouldn't say the DP has ever gone completely away, but over the past few years I've been at about 2/10, out of the nauseating, obsessive DP thought-cycle I consider to be 10/10. When I have felt myself slipping a few times, I've been able to distract myself and push it down before it totally takes over.

The past few months I've been feeling myself slipping back towards a 10. I feel like I should be comforted by the fact that I know some kind of recovery is possible but I have lots of moments where it makes me feel even more hopeless because I expect my brain to be able to deal with this shit since I've been through it before. I am terrified of being caught in that place for another long period--I'm worried that this time I won't be able to handle it and I'm worried that this might mean that my DP comes in waves and I'll have years of this horrible feeling on-and-off for the rest of my life.

I've been able to have moments of clarity, but I went to LA over my spring break and was fully dissociated the whole time. It felt so familiar which makes me sick--I can remember how awful it is to be in that state but I hadn't experienced it for days on end like that in a long time. I'm currently seeking therapy (I have a huge fear of doctors so this is slow-going but I know will help in the long run) and I've told some of my friends about it. Basically trying to do the opposite of how I dealt with this last time, even though I worry that addressing it might make it worse.

It's grown much harder for me to be around other people so I've been spending much more time alone, which I don't think is good for me. But it's hard to know what's worse--being lonely and better able to ignore the dissociative feelings or being with friends and feeling constantly that i'm existing on another plane. I think this is contributing to the depression as well, but honestly I'd take depression over DP any day.

This was long, just wanted to get it out there. Anyone else find themselves falling back into DP for the second time, or have dealt with it in long waves like this?


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Ive been in and out of it for over 20 years now....

BUT!!!! Im just an unlucky one i guess.....

Most people recover and move on....And im sure you will too...

I totally agree with Space Monkey....Some symptoms completely fade away...Some get easier to deal with over time and some are just stubborn as hell and dont want to shift....BUT!!! again!!! Thats just been my own experience....

The thing to remember is everyone is different and recovery is very possible for all of us no matter how long weve had this crazy condition....Some people need meds....some people use therapy....some exercise and diet......You WILL find what works for you as an individual and you WILL either recover completely or learn to cope.....

My suggestion! Explore every avenue and take every bit of help available even if it is in the form of medicine....DO NOT suffer in silence and pretend everything is ok.....


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