# in love with a person with depersonalization disorder



## Guest

Hello everyone, I'm PJ, I'm so glad I found this site, recently I my boyfriend and I found out he has depersonalization disorder. The diagnosis came as a relief to me because it's nice to finally have a name for what he's been experiencing, unfortunately it's taken a bit of a toll on our relationship. He's determined to work on it and "get better" and I'm going to be beside him all the way but I'm looking for support in this. It's nice to find a place dedicated to this disorder.

I would love to chat with anyone who is experiencing this disorder and trying to maintain a romantic relationship or someone who is love with someone experiencing this disorder. Any advice or words of encouragement are much appreciated!


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## smooshkin

Hello there.

I can tell you that i do suffer from DP/DR. I am in a relationship and have been for 6 years. I have sufferered from a number of disorders:
Depression, Anxiety, Depersonalization, Derealization, Self harm, a heart condition, a neurological condition and Hypermobility. My boyfriend is extremely understanding. however he is not particularly mentally strong himself and has had issues in the past. It is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who has extreme (i dont really want to use this word) ''mental'' conditions....maybe emotional would sound better....i dont know. but either way it is hard to keep a happy relationship when anyone in the relationship is not happy most of the time. 
As far as the DP is concerned this place is fantastic for help and advice. I am pleased to hear that you are going to help him. After all thats what relationships are all about. It is a strange disorder to get your head round if you are not suffering from it yourself. It is hard for the person who has it to explain it properly to someone else. I tried to explain it to my mum yesterday and I could tell she was overwhelmed by my descriptions of things. The best thing I find is talking about it. If people asked me to tell them exactly what im feeling then I would tell them (i dont volunteer information unless asked). You sound like the sort of person who is willing to help your partner. You need just as much support as he does. Just be aware on a daily basis that things are going on in his head that might not be going on in yours. One of the things I find most hard about DP is looking at people and thinking ''Your not having the same weirdo thoughts as me'' and it makes me feel a tad resentful. Just by being there for him is so important. As you know its not something you can put a bandage on or cream on....but just by you reaching out for your own help is help enough for him. Just remember that your life together will be good. When I got DP i thought my life was over....I couldnt contemplate the next day let alone a future with my boyfriend...when the world seems unreal to you the future just doesnt seem to be there at all.
People who have a fragile mental state do not need people to ''tread on eggshells'' when they are around. I certainly found that I felt guilty when people just were overly tactful to me. A lot of love, Reassurance and understanding is all you need. Sex Drive can be lost too, so understand that he might not be up for the usual ''nighttime'' routine. If you have the strenth yourself then it may seem like you have to carry the both of you, but I think he could feed off your positivity and ambition. If one of you at least can keep up a ''normal'' day to day run of things I cant see why there should be any problem in having a relationship with someone with any problem be it phsyical/emotional/mental or otherwise. Just take his hand, give him a big hug and make it clear that you will always be there and you will listen to the issues that he may be facing (i believe you do this anyway)
I hope I have given you some reassurance. Please post here if you wish or introduce your boyfriend to the site.
Take care and I hope everything works out
xx Smoosh XX


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## agentcooper

hey there  
first of all, i think it's wonderful that he even told you about it! many people who suffer from this disorder won't talk about it at all. i think the best thing for you to do, is get very educated about dp. the more you know about it, the better equipped you will be at helping him deal with it. just be understanding if he's acting a little weird or off...it's probably just the disorder. also, you need to realize, it takes many people years to get over dp, so just be patient. there isn't a whole lot known about dp, and everyone's case is so different...many medicines will do nothing to help. it is definately possible to make progress, though, so don't get discouraged.

good luck...
-coop


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## freesong

I just want to tell you how much I admire you for caring so deeply for another with this disorder. My boyfriend couldn't handle it. I have more derealization but I can only say that your boyfriend is suffering beyond anything anyone can imagine. You are wise to come here for help and support because it is impossible to relate to this unless you have experienced it. I am getting ready to go to a clinic outside of Chicago to try to restore imbalance in my brain. It is called the Pfeiffer Clinic. You might look it up on-line. I am trying anything I can to get better so that I can get back to a normal life. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best in your quest to help him. God bless, freesong


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## Anneb23

Hello,
I know this post is from 6 years ago, but I too just found out that my boyfriend has Depersonalization Disorder. It was kind of a relief for both of us because he's been struggling for a long time trying to figure out how to explain what was going on in his head. Once he found out about DD, it all came together. He's seeking help with it and I want to be as supportive as possible. I really want to educate myself about this disorder so I can do everything I can to help. Does anyone have any resources (books, websites, etc.) that they can recommend? I've found a bunch of books on DD itself, but nothing that really focuses on what people can do to help those with it.
Any advice would be great - thank you so much!


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## alohasarah

Aloha,

I, too, am VERY IN LOVE with someone who has been diagnosed with depersonalization.

He has been my best friend for years, and now my boyfriend for the last year and a half.
It surely has been a struggle, but I will not ever give up on him and us. And I am so touched and inspired to see other people like YOU and the other people on this thread, along with all of your significant others, are also choosing to work hard at this very special kind of love.

As you know, it can be very hard for someone who is depersonalized to communicate what they are feeling to someone who does not have the disorder themselves.

Something that helped my boyfriend and me is using a 'Percentage Scale' for how intense his depersonalized feelings were at that moment.
For example: if he looks troubled, I'll say - 'How are you honey?'
And he'll reply with a percentage. LIke - " I'm at 80% depersonalization right now babe... Would you mind just sitting with me."

Although it doesn't help me know exactly WHAT he's feeling... knowing the INTENSITY of what he is feeling helps me to shift the way I interact with him to cater to whatever he needs at that moment to feel ok. In turn, he says that it has helped him felt more understood.

I also want to say that- he has been seeing a Therapist for the past 2 years to help work out the root of his depersonalization. And while a range of 70 to 100% depersonalized used to be his norm.. he now is in the 10 to 40 % depersonalized range most of the time. A great improvement.. that I believe with God's help, his therapy, and our heart.. he can continue to improve with. I highly recommend a therapist if you can... Ours has changed my boyfriends life.







Knowing the root of his depersonlization has helped his symptoms lessen a great deal.

Anyways, I'm thinking and praying for all of you.
You all are not a lone... and I am so happy to know that my boyfriend and I are not alone either.









With love, hope, and thanks,
Sarah


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## Holly

I'm another girlfriend of a DP'd guy, except for the part that he broke up with me when it got really bad. He has admitted to giving up and just wants to cut himself off from everyone. But I'm not going to give up on him because I know there's hope for anyone with this disorder.

Anyone in this position? Wanting to help someone with DP but they don't want to accept it?


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## missjess

Wow you guys are awesome .... My ex bf was somewhat ok with my DP at the start then he could t handle it (I actually had recovered towards the end of our relationship with a lot of effort and he was just kept telling me it's all in my head get over it and he never supported how much work I was actually doing to get over it and build self esteem)

I suggest Harris harringtons program or even the liberator method to get out of this hell

There is also an African plant medicine called iboga which got 1 guy I know out of this hell and back to reality


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## mipmunk40

You are very lucky, I met a lovely new guy a couple of months before I got hit by DP. He stood by me for a few weeks, but I lost him in the end. Devastating for me, I really was falling for him and I think he felt the same, he just couldn't handle my illness, he wants to remain friends, but I think he is after a girlfriend that has no mental health problems like myself. So my DP not also stole my identity, it took my lovely new man too.....


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## marrystall

Hey guys. Im glad i found this website, I just joined  I recently got Dp maybe a month ago and ive been in a relationship for almost 6 months. My boyfriend understands but Im worried it could ruin our relationship. Ive been really accepting to it lately, I mean ive been crying about it for so long and nothing is changing so I try to deal with it. He doesn't see anything wrong. Sadly my Dp is drug induced.. How can i maintain a healthy relationship if i hate myself? I cant be sensual. My whole personality is changed. Is this going to push him away?


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## Neko

This is horrible, but I "hide" my DP from my boyfriend of three years...I've never told him about it. He is aware I suffer from depression and anxiety but I don't think he even has a clue on the scale of how much I have those either. I just never feel comfortable telling my friends or SO about my condition, I would rather soldier on and deal with it myself. I don't want people to pity me or think something's wrong with me. I hear people I know talk about how certain people are "crazy" and I am so scared that if I lose face I might get lumped in with it. It's hard but even thinking about starting to explain to someone what I go through in my mind is exhausting.

Oddly enough, my relationship is one of the things I feel DP has left mostly unscathed. We get along very well and I find our relationship loving, comforting and important to me. I guess it's one thing that I can still feel value for despite how mucked up I am about everything else in life.


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## GroupHug

mipmunk40 said:


> You are very lucky, I met a lovely new guy a couple of months before I got hit by DP. He stood by me for a few weeks, but I lost him in the end. Devastating for me, I really was falling for him and I think he felt the same, he just couldn't handle my illness, he wants to remain friends, but I think he is after a girlfriend that has no mental health problems like myself. So my DP not also stole my identity, it took my lovely new man too.....


You're lucky you've realized where he stood before things went further. The guy either sounds like he wasn't into you as much as you were to him (if he was, he would have stuck around) or like he's not the type of person you want in the long term. Maybe both. Either way, the right guy is the one who will accept you fully and support you through thick and thin.


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## mipmunk40

thank you for that, very true.


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## Sashbot

My girlfriend has just been diagnosed with Dp. She is only getting worse and worse and normally, she is a very strong person, but lately, it has just been getting the better of her.

She has been in her new job for about 4 months or so, so not very long, and she is already having thoughts about throwing it in.

She has tried explaining the feeling to me, but unfortunately, I will never know what it feels like. I am a little bit worried about her and what will happen to her. I have read up on it and do understand that it cannot physically harm somebody, I just worry that it will get the better of her one day and she will hurt herself. She is the love of my life, and I want to help her the most I possibly can. She is my world and I do not like seeing her in this much emotional pain. We cannot do anything because she suffers anxiety as well. Shopping is extremely hard. We live half an hour away from the closest shopping mall and are generally only there for 30 minutes, max.

I just want to help her, understand what she is going through. Get some people who are suffering Dp to give me some advice on how to help her. I have tried everything with her, and she does say that being around me, does relax her and bring her back to reality, but I can not always be around her. What can I do to relax her and ground her when I can not be with her, physically?

Sarah.


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## golfvr6

good luck, my girlfriend says I am a pain in the arse..all I complain about is dp.

dp this dp that.....nothing looks real, why I am I not my self blah blah


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## greenman

Outside of family, if you don't love yourself how could someone love you. Sad to say but a lot of us will probably never find true love no matter how bad we crave it.


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## lollipop

My new boyfriend suffers from dp and depression....im trying my best to understand and want to be there for him...i know everyone is different but what would you say would be the best way to comfort him or be there for him?


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## lollipop

i send you a virtual one...cant afford to fly to the uk


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## greenman

In the words of my man LL Cool j...."I need love"


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## peers7

I've been with my girlfriend for 8 years and am still madly in love with her but towards he beginning of this year she was diagnosed with DPD and it has had a huge affect on our relationship. For the past couple of years she has been taking medication for anxiety and depression but DPD is a fairly new diagnosis since she has been going to see a therapist.

I recently found out she has been living, what she herself referred to as a double life and has built a romantic relationship with my best friend behind my back over the past 3 months. Nothing physical except kissing has happened but what hurts the most is the fact she says she has strong feelings for her. She still says she loves me and has feelings for me but has been convincing herself she's been living in two different worlds. I don't want to use the DPD as an excuse for the cheating but could this play a massive role in it?

I love her so much and my main worry is how ill she has become in the past month or so, her mental state has rapidly declined. Since I've found out she has been an unrecognisable person. Calm but not in a good way, as if she has lost all feelings. She has said she finds it so easy to block out her feelings and doesn't want to do this anymore. I want to be there, I'm not going to give up on our relationship because I do truly believe she loves me but I don't know what I should be doing to help. She has spoken to her therapist on many occasions about our relationship but has never spoken to me and admits has never made clear what it is that she's feeling so I feel like I never had the chance to help or stop anything before it was too late.

We're currently living apart for some space but are still talking almost everyday. I am just so scared and I feel helpless. If anyone can offer me any help and advice I will be eternally grateful.

Hannah


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## aletab21

hello i too am in a relationship and its hard, and we havent even found out what it is yet we have been bouncing from doc to doc and are getting a ct scan and just not going to set an apt for the psychiatrist. but i kno its tough because i hate seen him cry and feel desperate on not knowing what he was, i wish it could happen to me instead. i feel like i cant do anything, but i try my best to look for doctors and set apt and be there for him. i show him youtube videos of people who went thru that and how they are recovering and i tell him u will be the same, just think of happy memories think of all the things you want to do, all the traveling we are going to do, take him for a ride at the park, keep him entertained in things. its alot of work and it sucks because i wish it was like back then but for now this is us and im here for him and i love him. but ,my main thing is for him to get better, then we will be the same. just dont give up, keep showing them u are there for them, even if its stressing. everything will be ok


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## Guest

i think if your in love with who he his, not any disoder, cosmetic issue, etc, you will be good. Not saying that things that are challenging don't take a toll. They do. Not to be rude, but i am sure you got your personality issues, meaning things in you that maybe he doesn't like or society, etc, short answer, we all got issues man lol. I know first hand cause my g/f has been amazing and despite my own doubts has stuck by my side. Even in times where I wonder why she's here, she always has the same answer, cause i want to be. She has her own issues etc. Its like finding a place where you can make the best of it each other. Some of the brightest, people etc have had some sort of affliction. Some of the smartest people are autistic etc. Only you know in you're heart where you fit Best of luck to both of you.


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## pasha

i have a realy bad dp dr now for 8 months my boyfriend does not know what to do with mi cause i want to kill myself and cry everyday . he loves me so much i feel guilty to be this way ane seeinh him so misereble . my heart is broken to million


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## idwbha

Hi I'm 17 and recently I met this guy (16) and we began talking back in september and well 3 months later I'm afraid I'm falling in love - my feelings are really strong but around october he told me he has derealization, that he doesn't feel anything and it's been really hard because I'm not quite sure how or what I'm supposed to do, all I want is to help him and him to be okay but he hasn't told anyone so therefore has no therapist etc etc, and it's just really hard because my feelings for him are so strong and he feels nothing for me (or anyone I know it's not just a me thing) so I know all i can do is be there for him but I don't know if i'm meant to wait for him to get better or what you know? Because I constantly get hurt but I know he's not doing it on purpose clearly and he's going through much worse it's just I want him to be okay and don't know what to do


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## Tres

Guest said:


> Hello everyone, I'm PJ, I'm so glad I found this site, recently I my boyfriend and I found out he has depersonalization disorder. The diagnosis came as a relief to me because it's nice to finally have a name for what he's been experiencing, unfortunately it's taken a bit of a toll on our relationship. He's determined to work on it and "get better" and I'm going to be beside him all the way but I'm looking for support in this. It's nice to find a place dedicated to this disorder.
> 
> I would love to chat with anyone who is experiencing this disorder and trying to maintain a romantic relationship or someone who is love with someone experiencing this disorder. Any advice or words of encouragement are much appreciated!


Hello,

My advice is to check out my post which explains my detailed instructions for getting rid of depersonalization/derealization disorder (ignore the typical arguments in the comment section).


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