# The Bottle is Finally Cracking



## DreamingElegantly (Mar 8, 2013)

At work, it's all a dream. And it's the same with school. I naturally fake my emotions because my body still knows how I should react. But the emotional part of my brain isn't triggered. I laugh, I smile, I frown, and I scowl. But I don't feel anything.

I see, but I don't see. I feel, but I don't *feel*.

I want to be apart of my life again, and I want to remember what it's like to feel normal and feel real. I can't even remember these things anymore, and it's driving me insane. Sometimes my vision appears to be 2D, and I have no depth perception. Everything is off, everything is unnatural.

So far, no one has noticed a difference with me, mainly because I try to hide it. I don't want to have to explain that I'm living in a dream, and that my brain isn't working properly. Because then I'd have to explain all the childhood trauma I've gone through.

The bottle is finally cracking, and all of these emotions that I have locked in there, they are finally bitting me in the ass.


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## boboluna (May 1, 2013)

Hi Dreaming Elegantly,

what you write resonates with me.

I have had the same experiences. Vision seems more 2D than 3D. And there is no depth in perception. Like when you look into the stars and do not feel the vastness of infinity anymore.

You are not alone with this.

Do not bother too much to explain to others how you perceive yourself and the world presently.

It cannot been understood by someone who does not experience this. This way of being we exist in is not accessible for others.

I am sorry to hear that you have so much trauma in your heart and the emotions that you feel, that you are afraid you can not control them anymore longer.

What helps me sometimes is that this emotions are not something I have to feel ashamed of. Or that I have to hide them under all circumstances.

I try to accept them from time to time. Very small bits at a time and then taking a break again.

Its about slowly learning to accept that we feel different. And that this is basically ok to be and feel like that. And that it is not lasting forever in its most intense form.

There is no need to justify yourself towards others. You are ok like you are.


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## nafthegr8903 (Jul 16, 2010)

Everything you said i agree-I'm about to burst, it will be ugly if i ever do fuck this sucks to hell fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

DreamingElegantly said:


> At work, it's all a dream. And it's the same with school. I naturally fake my emotions because my body still knows how I should react. But the emotional part of my brain isn't triggered. I laugh, I smile, I frown, and I scowl. But I don't feel anything.
> 
> I see, but I don't see. I feel, but I don't *feel*.
> 
> ...


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## NEEDMOREBLAZE (Apr 8, 2013)

I feel your pain Dreaming...i know it all too well. It is a painful state of mind and it is pointless to try and explain it to people that have never experienced it. I have learned in my experience that your body and mind boils these emotions and fears up and they are relieved by shedding tears, exercise, sunlight, and being around the people you love. If we don't deal with traumatic experiences then they will eventually come back to haunt us. I would compare it to trying to heal a gunshot wound with a band aid....the wound has to be properly healed before the bleeding will stop, otherwise the bandage will eventually give and the wound along with the bullet will still be there.

Go after what will make you happy in life, think about what makes you sad and cry it out, TELL SOMEONE if they have wronged you in the past and caused you great emotional pain....this disorder is "dissociative" in nature, it detaches your mind from yourself and your reality to avoid further hurt and pain...the only natural way to heal is to "associate" yourself with reality and your own dreams and aspirations.


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