# Hello Everyone..Im new here...and Im desperate.



## NurseWendy (Aug 7, 2010)

Hello everyone...

My name is Tamara and I am from the central coast of California. Im so glad that I have acutally decided to join this site, and it is a true comfort to know that I am not alone in this world.

Ill start with my background.. a short version.

Im 26 years old, and I am married to a wonderful man, and a mother to a beautiful 6 year old little girl. My life was great.. until the day my DP began.

In May 2007, I went through a very traumatic experience that changed my life. Then in 2008, one day at work, I think I may have had a panic attack. I instantaneously got very nauseous, and felt like I was going to pass out, nervous. and then the DP set in, and I have not since been able to shake this mental state. I have been battling this for over two years.. with no help. I have went through countless tests, doctors, so on and so forth, and have been in therapy for over a year... with no results. Everytime I have mentioned depersonalization disorder, all the Doc's say that its hard to treat, and that they dont believe me, when in fact, I fit this debilitating disorder to a capital T.

This disorder has left me so debilitated, its dificult for me to function on a day to day basis, half the time I dont even know how I made it through the day, let alone not remembering a thing I did all day long.

The thing that hurts me the most about this disorder, is the feeling that I have trying to remember the last 2 years of my life. I cant hardley remember the most precious moments of my life. The last 2 years have been a blur. I feel that I have missed out on 2 years of my little girls life.

The kicker to all this is I am a nurse, and have been dealing with this practically since my nursing career began. I have always prided myself on my ability to think clearly, my memory and thought process, and all of that is gone.I dont know how I work all day without anyone ever noticing that something is tearing me up inside on a daily basis. Im just really good at hiding my pain I guess.

I have no one to talk to about this, not even my husband... I try to talk to my therapist, and shes great, but I still dont think she understands. My family doesnt get it...nobody. And I feel like I need to talk to people who understand what im going through.

As of now Im not on any medication or anything, and my last 2 weeks have been complete hell... this is the worst it has been in a long time. Im not sleeping well, cant concentrate worth crap, and I am never in the now. Im absolutely miserable... Its like the world around me flashes, and Im never there... Like a movie and Im a spectator, I can speak but I dont remember what I say, and I dont feel like Im even talking...

This DP causes me to have severe depression, and I feel like I am hitting that stage once again, and I dont wanna be there.

Sometimes I think that I am truely loosing my mind, and one day I will be soo far gone that I will never get ME back.

I dont know where to turn, what to do... I have tried numerous medications with no help. I have a bunch of other symptoms going on, and going through some testing to make sure it doesnt have to do with my hormones. Which I doubt it will..

Anything you others in my same boat can suggest would really help me, I desperately need help. Im about ready to just give up on my fight... Lifes not worth living for me anymore if I can't feel it. I cant feel anything anymore... Not love, joy, pain, sorrow, happiness, inteligence, intrigue, intrest, care, and any other emotion... I am completely desensitzed and numb. I dont want my daughter to have to deal with me...I dont want to work anymore... I want nothing more than to just focus on getting better..

Any advice would be greatly appreciated... I just need this help before its too late.


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

NurseWendy said:


> Hello everyone...
> 
> My name is Tamara and I am from the central coast of California. Im so glad that I have acutally decided to join this site, and it is a true comfort to know that I am not alone in this world.
> 
> ...


Hi.
The mind - as you know being a nurse - is plastic.
You will feel things again.
I guarantee it.
If you don't get rid of DP completely your mind will work around it.
Don't focus on getting better - live as hard as you can.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Mark, you're alive??!! Hello and welcome NurseWendy


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## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

Hello nurse wendy. its good to have you on here








All i can say is that none of us will be able to give you a magic cure (which im sure we'd all kill for - maybe), i think its very good that you've joined because te most important thing to have are people that support you and know what your going through. 
Many of us feel exactly the same way as you, i've had it on and off my whole life but permanently the past 3 years and virtually my whole life is a blank except for picture memories which i dont even feel like i was in. 
I similarly have no one nearby who i can talk to about my problems so the support we get on here is priceless. I reckon its the best therapy ever.
Somehow we do manage to just get by on a daily basis, and we should feel proud of ourselves for that. Just take it one day at a time and try not to give to much of your life to dp, try to give it to your family or make yourself treat yourself (this was something my therapist got me to do). 
I would suggest anti depressants if your not already on them because they really can help make your life that extra bit bearable and help you spend less time devoted to thinking about ending your life. 
Yesterday i felt the way you did and really felt like pulling the plug but some really great people gave me some really great advice. It was so helpful that i summarised it to look at if i ever feel i need to so i'll write it out for you








Reasons To Stay:
1) DP always goes away sooner or later, it is a temporary problem and trying to fix it with a permanent "solution" doesn't make sense.

2) It is better to suffer for awhile so that people who mean alot to you won't suffer more by wondering if it was their fault or you didnt care about them. Espescially in your case since it sounds like you have an amazing little daughter who means alot to you.

3) If there's ever anything that gives you a tiny amount of enjoyment - eating an ice cream







, watching a comedy, appreciating nature, helping someone out or feeling a bit of accomplishment for completing a task (even getting through the day!) despite feeling terrible. Just think, none of these things would happen if you werent here.

4) If you can help increase other peoples awareness of what you and many others are going through(espescially since your a nurse), you may be able to help people in the future have less of a hard time.

5) Life is worth living, you are worth the effort and the world is/can be a great place.
So yeah, hope that was some kindof help. Were all here to listen and to talk if you ever need us and hopefully you'll be there for any of us when we need help. 
Take care


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## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

i just noticed i use alot of smileys lol


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

match_stick_1 said:


> Hello nurse wendy. its good to have you on here
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Good stuff 'match_stick_1' 
Wendy has new friends.


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## nic.m (Aug 8, 2010)

I have regular sessions with a chiropractor who specialises in neuroplasticity. He's given me exercises to help activate and strengthen certain parts of my brain which are functioning at below-optimal levels. I've found it really helpful - I'm not back to normal, but I'm better than I was when I first started seeing him, and the more I do my exercises the clearer my head gets


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

nic.m said:


> I have regular sessions with a chiropractor who specialises in neuroplasticity. He's given me exercises to help activate and strengthen certain parts of my brain which are functioning at below-optimal levels. I've found it really helpful - I'm not back to normal, but I'm better than I was when I first started seeing him, and the more I do my exercises the clearer my head gets


Interesting.
I go to the gym every day.
Helps a lot.

Just one thing.
How does your chiropractor know what parts of you brain are not working fully?
There is a pet study that you may have seen.

I need to know what these exercises are.


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## nic.m (Aug 8, 2010)

He does a series of tests each session (checking things like eye movements and pupil responses to light, my ability to sense movement and direction when my visual and auditory senses are inhibited, and my balance) before he starts cracking







To be honest, I'm not sure how the tests tell him what's going on. I think my symptoms list and my EEG results would have given him a starting point, then he was able to get more specific by these particular sensory tests. I will ask him for a layman's explanation next time I see him and let you know how he explains it.

This book might give you some more information, I've read a bit of it and it looks promising.

I'm not sure my particular exercises would work for everyone - I'm left-brain dominant and they're tailored specifically towards my problems. I know there are other chiropractors in Australia who specialise in functional neurology and I'm sure there would be more throughout the rest of the world.


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## NurseWendy (Aug 7, 2010)

Hello everyone!

Thank you for your kind wors and advice. I havent had a chance to come on here for a while... im just having a hard time excepting this. But i appreciate you guys for your words. Thank you!


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## Guest (Aug 24, 2010)

Majority Golf Carts

Then there are actually obstacles and most golf clubs such as the callaway diablo edge irons, as an example - that biceps and triceps or legs extended from your cab belonging to the cart can impact. The majority carts in implement on golf classes are not equipped with safe practices belts. ishiner


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## beed (Aug 26, 2010)

NurseWendy said:


> Hello everyone...
> 
> My name is Tamara and I am from the central coast of California. Im so glad that I have acutally decided to join this site, and it is a true comfort to know that I am not alone in this world.
> 
> ...


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## beed (Aug 26, 2010)

I HAVE BEEN IN A DEREALIZATION SINCE JUNE 2010. I WANT MY LIFE BACK MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. I HAVE A GREAT HUSBAND WONDERFUL 8 YEAR OLD BOY AND WONDERFUL 3 YEAR OLD LITTLE BOY. I'M SO SAD ALL OF THE TIME BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER FEEL LIKE I'M IN ANOTHER WORLD ALL OF THE TIME NOTHING SEEMS REAL. DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THE HOUSE EVERYTHING IS SO STRANGE FEEL LIKE I CAN'T TAKE IT MUCH LONGER I WANT MY LIFE BACK SO BAD. IT HAPPENED AFTER SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED TO ME GOT SO ANXIOUS I COULD NOT BREATHE ANXIETY WAS TERRIBLE COULD NOT SLEEP. MY PSYCHOLOGIST PUT ME ON RISPERIDONE .25 MG AND LORAZEPAM.5MG. I JUST STARTED THEM YESTERDAY I HOPE IT HELPS ME. MY LIFE WAS WONDERFUL UNTIL THIS HAPPENED


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