# Ayahuasca Iboga and medicinal plants



## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

I am 40. I developed DP since about 7 years old.

I had very poor communication with my parents I remember at 20 I felt like I am inside bubble.

In school people said I look like in a shock. They said I look like I am about to bump in the walls while walking. And it did happen many times.

great difficulty in feeling and communication problems. ADHD, and in the last few years PTSD.

I felt like I am not alive.

I want to talk about medicinal plants I used in order for to help people who want to use them, because those plants do much better if taken properly.

I assume I will go slowly posting a bit every time. covering a different issue.

about 10 years ago in India I started to take psychedelics.

My first experience with psychedelics was with excessive amount of cannabis.

I was lost in Delhi in the night., felt like in a dream and knocked from door to door. luckily good tourists helped me and gave me shelter. It was reflecting my inner experience of a lost child.

Then took LSD, again very scary, and again good tourists helped my.

I later started with psylocibin mushrooms.

What it did to me, is that it opened me eyes to look at the colors and sensation. Because it was so hard for me to feel otherwise.

I also felt like a robot, and the mushrooms payed my attention to look at the human aspects of life, such as children and parents, friends and friendships, animals.

So it was a step of going out of a rigid point of view into more human/ warm point of view, or at least knowing that it exists. It was quiet a discovery for me.

I was not aware of the human point of view until then.

It was that the mushrooms were breaking heavy walls of my psyche, that couldn't be broken otherwise.

I was taking first with friends I met in my travel, and then alone.

I took them for a few months, maybe half a year.

So my lessons from this, is to take the mushrooms, when it feels right, and at quantities that feel right.

Since it was so hard for me to feel, I will take big quantities, to feel myself, and a few time a week.

My lesson is you should take the mushrooms in appropriate positive conditions, like go to the beach or something nice, and in moderate dosage, and when it feels right for you, and not take it just because it is there.

The plants want to heal you when it is appropriate conditions for them, both externally and internally.

Try to do it with people, at least in the beginning.

So I assume that the difficulty in feeling myself, caused me taking mushrooms in dosages and time that were not always appropriate. Also I assume part of DP, is that you feel helpless, and therefore, I didn't know always how to take control of the experience and direct it for the good and positive side. I will explain more about it later.

About me now.

The following year, I am going to take for deep healing and am going to use plants.

In later posts on this thread I want to talk more about Iboga and Ayahuasca, and other medicinal plants.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

I will talk know about Ayahuasca and the diet process.

From India I went to south America, interested in shamanism.

I decided to be serious about it and quickly learned Spanish, which really helped me later.

In La paz, Bolivia, someone brought Ayahuasca, and gave us. It was very mild actually.

My mind got lost in thoughts, and I couldn't concentrate or remember much of the experience.

But in my heart I knew I find Ayahuasca very interesting.

I went to Brazil, to a community of Santo daime church ,and stayed with them for a few days.

They do ceremony on Fridays I thinks.

Each one will drink four glasses of mild Ayahusca, in intervals of maybe hour or so I assume.

It was beautiful dancing and singing.

I didn't feel like having the fourth glass. I felt it was enough, I also felt nausea. It seemed to make some of them a bit upset.

I went outside looked at the full moon, and walked in the garden.

Some one told me not to walk near the sacred plants.

The day after I have been asked to leave quickly.

I felt it was too rigid and religious for me.

I went to Iquitos, Peru, to a place in the forest, Santa fe, built by a french guy.

We had Ayahuasca ceremonies in the evenings. There was no guide.

In the ceremonies, I felt usually overwhelmed. I would scream. It thought I wanted to loose control over myself.

I felt so repressed over the years, and wanted to loose control now.

Since I didn't know to sing I would hum.

It was healing though.

People found the screaming and humming very disturbing.

In the last session there, I believed I was dead. There were creatures around me. Pretty horrible.

I screamed. The french guy lit a candle, and told me, are you a child?

Yes I said.

No you are not a child he said.

I was there two months, until we all left. My friends advised me to look for a guide. I said I feel that the experience the was very healing, but they insisted I needed a guide.

I went to Kevin, and American who stayed with the Shaman/ healer Don francisco montes in Sachamama.

I met him once in Santa fe and he impressed me.

He did an Ayahuaca ceremony for me. He told me:"I believe in medicine. Otherwise I would not waste my time on you."

He advised me to start a "diet". He said that plants have spirits, and their spirits communicate with you and heal you.

I said that I don't know if this is true. He said it doesn't matter, and the plants will heal me anyway.

I started a "diet" process with Don francisco.

I will explain about the diet.

So you basically use daily a medicinal plant. You drink it twice a day, sing its Iqaro, and connect to it.

Then you do Ayahuasca ceremonies twice a week. Don francisco gave me small dosages ,so that I can control the experience.

I started with Ajo sacha. Kevin said it has the spirit of the grandmother who cradles you.

Every few weeks, Don francisco will change the plant I diet with.

I started to have dreams, which were directing my healing.

So the idea to my understanding, is that the plant (Ajo sacha) heals you in daily life, and then also directs the energy

of Ayahuasca in ceremonies. The diet process is a focused healing process, that heals over time, specific areas of your psyche and behavior.

I felt a lot of anger at this time, which in ceremonies I felt came from my childhood.

Kevin advised me to every day, dig a hole shout into it my anger, and bury it.

I would also scream in ceremonies.

At some point, Don Francisco said he had a message from Altaruna(the plant I was dieting with).

It said, every time I feel like screaming I should sing.
I found it very difficult.

People found my screaming and negative behavior in ceremonies very disturbing and demanded I be more positive.

At last I understood. In the last month, I was working hard, to bring positive energy to my behavior inside and outside ceremonies, and people were happy about it.

During the five months in Sachamama, I communicated with my parents and told them my feelings about the past. They have asked forgiveness.

I forgave them.

After this period, I felt I became from a confused child to someone more grounded, and with more control of my actions.

Also my relationship with plants changed. I felt like the world is not just full of objects, but that plants for example are have life, and they can be your friend.

I then met a local girl and married, so definitely the experience has helped me in becoming a man and take responsibility.

As a conclusion, I want to say my understanding and way of view, and how I perceived the view of Kevin and Don Francisco.

I see Ayahuasca as a live medicine, or a Doctor. It knows what it wants to heal and goes there and heals you.

I asked Don francisco, is it me who is healing myself, or the plants."The plant are healing you, you cannot do anything about it. Just stay positive".

So when hard times come to me in Ayahuasca, I know it is part of its healing process, and try to do something positive, such as singing, in order not to dwell in negativity.

I find the "diet" process is an integrative process. So the Ayahusca in ceremonies heals you directed by the plant in a specific direction.

Ayahuasca is a superstar, but it is seen as part of a whole. It doesn't work alone. The Shamans say that the plants heal you, not just Ayahuasca.

The plant you diet with heals and directs you in daily life, and prepares you for the next ceremony.

So preparation is extremely important. Grounding healing in daily life too. Otherwise just doing Ayahuasca alone, I found to be confusing.

Maybe for someone they could meditate in daily life, and not "diet" with a plant. But it is very important that your life is focused on healing in everything.

So to summarize, the diet process is a process that heals you in a focused and deep way.

I might continue in this subject on a later post.

I will really appreciate comments/ questions, so to know how to continue.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

I have been suffering from PTSD for the last 7 years, due to intense suffering caused by medical negligence.

I slowly have manged to get out of it. The last year I have been using Ayahuasca and medicinal plants intensively and felt I have been cured.

Want to tell about my last Ayahuasca session.

I have lost control in this session.

I am actually not sure if to tell about it or not, because it might scare people, but I tell it anyway.

I had a ream that a tsunamy wave was coming. We were running escaping it. I held a small stick, hoping to be saved by it.

I assumed I will have an overwhelming Ayahuasca experience. But the I had a dream in which my friend/ therapist told me I can do Ayahuasca.

I went to do it with him.

I took my normal dosage. At this dosage I find it no problem to control

It started calmly. Them my friend asked some personal questions. One question I found upsetting, as it showed he didn't understand/listen to me.

I started to explode. I shouted and screamed at him. Telling my past traumas. Things that I have never told anyone out of shame.

I couldn't control it.

He was with me. I told him I am in a nightmare. It lasted like 2.5 hours.

At some stages I found it very upsetting that he stayed calm. I shook him and bit and pinched him. At last he shouted at me and I could see his fear.

This calmed me, because at last I felt my terror and feelings have really been understood.

I told him I am supposed to be positive, but I am negative all the time. I feel like a lost child. He said this is O.K. to feel like a confused child.

I have always been told, that I should be able to control my Ayahuasca sessions. I thought I was doing something bad, losing control.

He actually thought it was good that I have lost control, and it was healing.

I told him about how people always thought they know what is good for me, and I felt I have to do things, and not do because I want to, or enjoy it.

How I felt as a child that nobody listened to me or gave me attention, but my parents actually were very critical.

I told him about the unfairness I felt of some events in my life and how upsetting it was.

He asked me what do I see in his eyes.

I don't see anything I screamed. I cannot feel anything. I am sensitive, but why is it then, that I cannot feel anything.

When it ended, he actually was satisfied.

He told me not to do Ayahuasca again. It seems to me Ayahuasca did its job, and I need to go on now.

A few days after, I feel the burden that have gone of me, telling this things.

I feel I want to go on now and not continue to stuck on this things.

I feel now I want to voice myself. And a few times when people were unjust to me I stopped it.

I feel now I want to feel and enjoy life, and not have to.

I can at last feel the fear. At times it was very difficult, but then I managed to relax myself and feeling the fear was healing.

I feel now I am responsible for my healing process, and for my life. I am taking the spot of of myself, that I left out of fear and pain.

I understand I am sensitive, and difficulties in life have shocked me deeply because of my sensitivity.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

I took San Pedro cacti with 2.5 gr syrian rue powder.

I received unexpected phone call from work and needed to go to work.

Somehow I managed in this state to answer the questions of my boss.

I then told my friend who seats near me that I took the cacti. He was surprised because he didn't realize that

plants can alter consciousness and heal. I asked him to go for a walk, and felt I couldn't bear anymore stopping myself, and told him traumas

I was ashamed of. I then told him I was upset about the way my parents treated me.

He said I should change my view, and instead of complaining accept/understand.

It was a very strong trip that I could feel from the morning until I went to sleep, maybe 14 hours.

This trip was an opening to me. over the coming 3 weeks I managed to overcome shame and speak about things with other people. I realized shame and guilt are very blocking in my life, and I managed to overcome it.

The experience also gave me strength to stand other people's anger and tell what I needed to say, and what I think.

I also had a conversation with my parents, mainly my father. I asked him if he is upset at me. He said that it is actually I who don't accept him as he is,

and this is one of the things that upset him.

I remember bad things from the past/ childhood. I realized my parents loved me and did the best they could/ understood.

I decided to renew my relationship with my father, and start to enjoy it.

I feel very relieved from things from my past, and feel I can accept what happened, and what I have. And see the good things in my life now, and in my childhood. I feel a lot of stress and negativity had been healed, and feel very relieved. Things don't seem so serious and I can take annoyance more lightly, for example my limitations, or annoyance from my wife and other people. I feel I need to connect with others, and share with

them and get help. And one reason I suffered so much was I tried too much to do things alone.

Actually my friend told me today that lately I look much better and more relaxed and shiny, then a few months ago.


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## Kestner (Feb 24, 2009)

What a wonderful story about faith and spiritual healing.

I feel humbled for reading these inspiring words, and so happy for you that you are recovering.

This passage especially is showing transcendence and coming into terms:



jivangilad said:


> I decided to renew my relationship with my father, and start to enjoy it.
> 
> I feel very relieved from things from my past, and feel I can accept what happened, and what I have. And see the good things in my life now, and in my childhood. I feel a lot of stress and negativity had been healed, and feel very relieved. Things don't seem so serious and I can take annoyance more lightly, for example my limitations, or annoyance from my wife and other people. I feel I need to connect with others, and share with them and get help.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

Thanks Kestner. I appreciate it.

I took Iboga. 2 gr. + 2.5 gr. syrian rue.

I was in the park. I lied down. I felt incredibly lonely and unsatisfied. I couldn't bear it. I started to walk to my office. You are not supposed to move with it. It was hard to walk properly,and I vomited.

I then met my friend and had a walk. I told him how I felt emotionally, and also that it is hard for me to enjoy things in life.

He said in this cases you should just act in a positive way even if you don't feel like.

As a conclusion I realized I want to connect with people more, so not to feel so lonely.

A few weeks later I had a session with San Pedro. It was the memorial day for the Jewish holocaust, and the day my grandmother, who was a holocaust survivor died.

I had a conversation with a friend in which again he said there is no point of complaining, and better to look at the good things in life.

I have seen the documentary movie "The lady from number 6" who showed a 109 years old survivor, that had very happy and positive attitude, in spite of her tragedies. I have made a decision to purposely look at the good things in life and be thankful. Gradually as stress reduces I feel my surrounding more real, and I can enjoy more.

I plan to meet people from my past, as I believe it can be healing.

For the last 3 months or so I have been using daily syrian rue seeds. 1.5 gr in the morning. It gives me energy and I can view negativity, particularly

anxiety with less judging. Therefore it helps doing things I feel anxious about.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

I started to use psylocibin mushrooms.

At one occasion I seemed to wrong about dosage and got paniced and very confused.

I called my friend and was shouting. I said I am angry and afraid, and it is O.K. He said it is not the way.

I was walking. was so confused I thought I have been walking forever in the place I was walking.

It was very dangerous.

I then realized I need to lower dosages, and do trips in more controllable way .Not just to let the trip go wherever unplanned.

I started to meditate regularly. So in the past I didn't find meditation helpful, since I needed to force myself

to concentrate. I also felt more stressed doing it, and didn't feel benefit.

It seemed I could concentrate now with less stress. I relate this change with the healing I have gone through.

About once a week I would take a small dosage of mushrooms., and put guided meditation. This are mindfulness, and love meditations(Mostly related to Teravada). So it is a lot related to connecting with the body, and feeling it from with the body.

It helps to ground and feel myself inside my body.

The mushrooms really help to open/ understand the meditation, and concentrate. It is not so psychedelic due to lower dosage . It also helps to recondition the mind, so lessons/ habits that are learned in meditation are more likely to have deeper effects later.

So mushrooms put you in a kind of hypnotic state where your mind is more open to suggestion. Therefore if you put positive content during this time, you are more open to receive it and be changed.

Gradually I start to feel more alive calm grounded, balanced, and concentrated. People also tell me so.

Being more with the body, helps not to be floating with thought and emotions, and to be more balanced.

I am very excited and curious to see where it leads me.

I also use daily a small dosage of hpyericum perforatum for anti depression/ calmness/ concentration (300 mg.)

I have never smoked tobacco before. But now I started to smoke while meditating, and find it helps for concentration and calm.

Shamans smoke tobacco in the amazon and find it helpful. I limit myself to one short rolled cigarette a day, and believe advantages are greater then damage.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

First time I took MDMA, I took it alone.

I felt some old pain getting into my heart, and leaving it.

The days after, I felt as if my heart chakra has been opened. Cannot explain the feeling more then that.

Second time I took with a friend. Actually he took Ayahuasca, and I took MDMA.

I felt very frustrated, because I felt, as if I cannot feel properly/strongly my body.

My friend gave me some more.

After my friend went down from his trip I started to tell him many past traumas, and fears which I have.

Luckily he was willing to listen.

I was surprised how natural it was for me to speak about things which normally I would feel very ashamed to talk.

There seemed to be no problem talking about it.

The days after I realized that some fears which I talked about have disappeared .

Also I reflected on my life and childhood, and realized that even though at times I felt very rejected, it was only my feeling.

Actually I was very loved by many people. Even people I felt hated me, like my father, actually loved me. It was a misunderstanding. So our life conditions, and misunderstanding each other made feel like this.

I understood that I have always been very loved.

So I managed to let go a lot of my past, and concentrate on my current life.

So concentrating on being more self respecting and understanding, and less judgmental on myself.

Feeling much more spacious relaxed and much better mood. A lot concentrating on doing things that I like and want to do, such as music, nature and being with people I enjoy.

So the last year, it seems i have gone a lot out of depression.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

My wife went for family visit overseas, so I had about 3 months alone.

I was a significant time for healing.

At this time, I had mushrooms with two friends. During this time, I experienced lot of fear- panic.

About a week after the session I talked with my friend. He said that the point of healing, is not concentrating on your problems/negativity and trying to cure it. It is more trying to enjoy the experience and through this learning.

I had another session with another friend. We took mild dosage of mushrooms, went for a walk and talked.

I said that I feel like going down into feeling of self pity, and what should I do. Should I go on with it.

He said, well you have already tried this way and saw that it doesn't work.

I also had a session of Ayahuasca and DMT with a friend. It was unexpectedly strong and I was lost.

My friend helped me out of it. I felt like this incidence helped to clear doubting habits that I had, and build more faith in god/ the universe etc.

Over time, I felt like I could let go of my image/trauma of rejected child, and think much more positively about myself and what is good in me.

I had a session of San pedro. Took it alone on the beach.
The colors were beautiful and breathing was pleasant. It helped me learn to see the beauty.

Over time after this period, I started to feel like I can accompany myself, on a moment to moment basis.
So I can generate kind intention towards myself and others and be present moment by moment. 
So bringing positive thinking/ energy/ intention.
It is something new to me. Before this, I felt like I was trying very hard and even trying to think positively, or concentrate was just causing more stress. And seemed a struggle/ impossible.
So I wake up, think positive thoughts, follow the day, and trying to see the good things, and be present. Go to sleep thinking positive thoughts. So bringing positivity and presence moment to moment.


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## frenchguy (Mar 20, 2016)

hi jivangilad i loved your story and really thank you for sharing it all. I am always captivated by people that have travel a lot and had the kind of experience you have. It's a beautiful story and you can be proud of yourselfes especially for having suffering since such a young age, and it's impressive that you recover.

Now i have to ask you although i did heard other story about ayahusaca and ibogaïne healing people, but its also said that it can be very dangerous, what do you think about its danger?


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

Hello my friend.

Thanks for your comment. Makes me happy.

Anyway, I can say my view about your question.

Those substances are strong and have healing potency.

As you can see I think from my posts I have had some tough experiences and at times I lost myself/ lost control.

I was lucky at times to have good people to help me.

I do believe it can be dangerous for some people.

I would definitely recommend to do with someone who can help.

Definitely for the first times.

A guide/ therapist/ Shaman or also a friend you trust, and preferably have some experience with it .

So in case of losing control they can calm and balance you.

They can also help a lot for the healing sometimes even if you do have control.

So they give you good energy like by singing or listening to you helping to release stuff.

So anyway this experiences I think needed to be directed in a positive direction somehow.

It can be the case that the person gets absorbed in their negativity and drown into it.

The purpose that negativity comes is that it can be released. It might be the case that you get overwhelmed by it, if experience

is not being directed in a positive direction.

Setting is very important. The substance doesn't heal alone. It is what you experience also.

So it is important you trust the people you do with and time and place are good.

I like to do in nature for example. So doing it in a busy place is not a good idea.

For me I try to direct experience positively by listening to inspiring music/ singing or listening to guided meditations.

So it helps my negativity not to take complete control. And I try to enjoy the experience this way.

Not always pleasant cannot completely control experience, but I try to direct in a positive way.

Wish you best 

e.g.

Iboga I have not done in a very big flush dosage.

Heard it is very harsh, and didn´t have a proper sitter for it.


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