# I'm done.



## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

I'm done suffering. I don't even know if this is even DR anymore. I CANT FEEL MY SURROUNDINGS. I can't do anything. I feel completely crippled. It's like my eyes and ears are the only things that are working. I've lost my sense to navigate where I am and where I'm going. I cannot feel what is around me. This is some sick joke. I cannot believe this is what my life has become. It's hard to do simple things because I simply cannot feel what I'm doing or where I am and that alone is so fucking scary. It is absolute torture. Thats exactly what it feels like, it feels like my brain is being tortured. This cannot be DR, my brain must be damaged or fucked up by something. I've lost hope, fuck recovery, what recovery? How the hell can somebody live like this. I simply cannot do this anymore. I give up. Something out there obviously does not want me to be happy. I'm terrified to to do everything, the most simplest of things because they are so hard to do. It feels like I'm stuck in a coma. That's how bad it is. My parents keep saying that I will be fine, they have no fucking idea. I wish there was a miracle but I highly doubt that will happen. My life is over. Melissa does not exist anymore. I just feel dead. Nothing helps. I just keep getting worse. Sick of not being able to feel life around me. I wish somebody could just heal me. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Please somebody wake me up.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Melissa_Z said:


> I'm done suffering. I don't even know if this is even DR anymore. I CANT FEEL MY SURROUNDINGS. I can't do anything. I feel completely crippled. It's like my eyes and ears are the only things that are working. I've lost my sense to navigate where I am and where I'm going. I cannot feel what is around me. This is some sick joke. I cannot believe this is what my life has become. It's hard to do simple things because I simply cannot feel what I'm doing or where I am and that alone is so fucking scary. It is absolute torture. Thats exactly what it feels like, it feels like my brain is being tortured. This cannot be DR, my brain must be damaged or fucked up by something. I've lost hope, fuck recovery, what recovery? How the hell can somebody live like this. I simply cannot do this anymore. I give up. Something out there obviously does not want me to be happy. I'm terrified to to do everything, the most simplest of things because they are so hard to do. It feels like I'm stuck in a coma. That's how bad it is. My parents keep saying that I will be fine, they have no fucking idea. I wish there was a miracle but I highly doubt that will happen. My life is over. Melissa does not exist anymore. I just feel dead. Nothing helps. I just keep getting worse. Sick of not being able to feel life around me. I wish somebody could just heal me. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Please somebody wake me up.


I'm sorry you are suffering so much love. Please just know that many of us have been exactly where you are and it does get better. Just crawl into bed with your parents and know that you are safe and loved.


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## flat (Jun 18, 2006)

Wow I feel so sorry for you :[ It must be some weird side effect to some medication if you are on some. If you're not on meds then get a physical exam right away. If you can't leave the house at the moment get someone to get some inexpensive over-the-counter things found in health stores or pharmacies that may help for now...

1) Bach Flower's Rescue Remedy (a lot of people swear by this)

2) homeopathic remedy Aconitum Nappelum (supposedly it's good for extreme anxiety)

3) melatonin or 5-HTP supplements (if you can't sleep)

4) chamomile tea (it is very relaxing)

Hope this helps :]


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## psychiatrysucks (Oct 17, 2007)

Melissa_Z said:


> I'm done suffering. I don't even know if this is even DR anymore. I CANT FEEL MY SURROUNDINGS. I can't do anything. I feel completely crippled. It's like my eyes and ears are the only things that are working. I've lost my sense to navigate where I am and where I'm going. I cannot feel what is around me. This is some sick joke. I cannot believe this is what my life has become. It's hard to do simple things because I simply cannot feel what I'm doing or where I am and that alone is so fucking scary. It is absolute torture. Thats exactly what it feels like, it feels like my brain is being tortured. This cannot be DR, my brain must be damaged or fucked up by something. I've lost hope, fuck recovery, what recovery? How the hell can somebody live like this. I simply cannot do this anymore. I give up. Something out there obviously does not want me to be happy. I'm terrified to to do everything, the most simplest of things because they are so hard to do. It feels like I'm stuck in a coma. That's how bad it is. My parents keep saying that I will be fine, they have no fucking idea. I wish there was a miracle but I highly doubt that will happen. My life is over. Melissa does not exist anymore. I just feel dead. Nothing helps. I just keep getting worse. Sick of not being able to feel life around me. I wish somebody could just heal me. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Please somebody wake me up.


hey melissa. You're not alone. You can contact me if u want to speak. Im two years older and i live in new york and have had this since 2006. Its not fun. Sometimes i get really f*cking depressed and extremely scared (like tonight). However, I used to be suicidal (for the first year and a half and am not anymore). I would like to know a. how long uve had it for b. why you have it and c. what other disorders u have. Write me a pm.

-LS, 24 yrs, nyc


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## Ivan Hawk (Jan 22, 2010)

Hey Mellissa. I still remember when we shared all that great music. Would be awesome to chat in person. Easily a lot of interesting things to share. I feel like, I know a lot of the abstract part of how you feel at the moment beyond words. I know it's tough when things are this low, and it's often hard to even hear others who are speaking - but whatever the matter, I want to say you are a wonderful person to talk to and you have my blessing and support. This is only the tip of the iceberg in sympathy I have towards people who also face this - these emotions - all of it.


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## UltraRobbie (Nov 27, 2010)

Melissa_Z said:


> I'm done suffering. I don't even know if this is even DR anymore. I CANT FEEL MY SURROUNDINGS. I can't do anything. I feel completely crippled. It's like my eyes and ears are the only things that are working. I've lost my sense to navigate where I am and where I'm going. I cannot feel what is around me. This is some sick joke. I cannot believe this is what my life has become. It's hard to do simple things because I simply cannot feel what I'm doing or where I am and that alone is so fucking scary. It is absolute torture. Thats exactly what it feels like, it feels like my brain is being tortured. This cannot be DR, my brain must be damaged or fucked up by something. I've lost hope, fuck recovery, what recovery? How the hell can somebody live like this. I simply cannot do this anymore. I give up. Something out there obviously does not want me to be happy. I'm terrified to to do everything, the most simplest of things because they are so hard to do. It feels like I'm stuck in a coma. That's how bad it is. My parents keep saying that I will be fine, they have no fucking idea. I wish there was a miracle but I highly doubt that will happen. My life is over. Melissa does not exist anymore. I just feel dead. Nothing helps. I just keep getting worse. Sick of not being able to feel life around me. I wish somebody could just heal me. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Please somebody wake me up.


I really think you should go to he hospital, Melissa.

But try some of these things first:

- Vitamin tablets: (Vitamin B12, magnesium etc.) Maybe get your parents to get them for you.
- Exercise: It's hard to get the motivation I know, but the release of chemicals are very good for you and will calm you down and make you feel more happy.
- Distract yourself: Watch some TV or play some computer games or something.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

I really don't know what to say I mean you were the most positive person in this forum, I guess it was because you didn't have DP/DR at a high level or something, but really antipsychotics are probably the way to go when you just can't stand it anymore, I was feeling horrible and decided to get more and higher doses and I feel way better, I know it sucks in the long run but life is basically a torture if you live with this daily.


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

I would probably go to the hospital first then try the vitamins! You really wana rule out any physical condition and see if you can get an MRI of your brain. A friend of mine had one private and it only cost about £100.

I had all this, and I was like you lost. I was ready for them to tell me I had a brain tumour because I knew I was done for. But they said it was fine.. this meant that I could focus on alternatives.

I have other conditions which dont help, like many on here. My Dp had began to improve, like yours will eventually, however Ive just had a relapse in the migraine department and im already on preventors so got that to contend with too.

I want to also say, dont feel like you have to try really hard to get better by going to therapists and taking excersise. Rest first. Look after yourself. If your body says sleep, then sleep. I had a fornights holiday when I was bad, and I only woke up to feed the horses in the morning and to eat tea at night! I think that must have included my toilet breaks! Eventually you will feel ready to fight again.


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