# How Klonopin is making me feel more 'real'



## MissLana

I would like to throw my two cents in. Klonopin has changed my life immensely.

My DR/DP was drug induced. I would like to add a note, though, as I am a special case. I suffer from something called Dysautonomia. My fight / flight mode is naturally more active, I produce more adrenaline than other people, my hormones are out of balance, and my autonomic nervous system is out of whack. One of the treatments for my Dysautonomia is to take a benzodiazepine such as Klonopin.

My DP/DR was as a result of me smoking weed. In low, mild doses, it actually helped my Dysautonomia a lot. Then, I got something that was a high strain and it really messed me up. What triggered my DP/DR was the fact that my heart rate was sky high and I was sure that I was having a heart attack because I checked my pulse and it was in the 170s.

I came back from my panic attack all fine and dandy. In fact, I stayed fine for five days. Then, on day five, something happened. My heart rate went back up to 160 or so the way it did on the day of my panic attack, almost a week before then. I was sweating and felt like I had a fever and kept going from hot to cold to cold to hot. I felt my adrenaline go through the roof, despite the fact that I am on beta blockers, which lower adrenaline and slow down tachycardia. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. I was sweating through all my clothes and my socks and I was rushed to the E.R., feeling high as a kite, 'in a dream', I felt like I was in a parallel universe. Everything turned from 3D into 2D. Everyone looked flat to me. I felt like I was still high even though I had five days where I felt normal. I kept crying to the E.R. doctor that, maybe, withdrawal from Cannabis was real and that I was just one of the rare people that experienced it. They checked my blood and found nothing but THC in me. Meanwhile, I was anxious, and sweating, and felt like I was in a complete dream, looking through a lense into a 2D world.

Then... they pumped me full of Ativan. It's also a benzodiazepine. They gave me a pretty lovely dose, too. 2 mg or so in my behind.  Suddenly, I came back to Earth. I felt more 'there' and out of the dream. I had what felt like full on withdrawal symptoms for a month. I couldn't be without a benzo because my heart rate would go up and I'd panic. My heart rate went up despite my beta blocker, despite any mind over matter crap that I tried, etc. I NEEDED a benzo.

Well, those severe physical symptoms went away. Three months into my recovery, I swear, I was 10% away from feeling normal. I took Klonopin 1/2 mg twice a day -- sometimes three times a day. But, I never took the whole 1 mg at one time. I was seeing improvements every day. I'd wake up and actually think that in a week or two, I'd be 100% because that's how close I was.

Then... I decided I was going to try to not take any anti-anxiety meds, and, it was working fine until I went on the internet, researched DP/DR, saw that many people had it for 20++ years or so, and, I panicked. Tachycardia, hyperventilation, adrenaline coursing through my veins kind of panic. My DR/DP got worse. I'd say 15% worse. Maybe 20% worse on a bad day. I cut down on my Klonopin to see if I was through with the weird physical anxiety that seemed to fuel my DP/DR. It got worse. Not by too much, but, it got worse.

I then realized that I don't just have derealization and depersonalization. I have that AND the Dysautonomia, which, is a sort of fight / flight disorder that has your nervous system be in constant adrenaline-pumping mode. It is a nervous system disorder that doubles as an anxiety disorder because the adrenaline and excess hormones I produce (in fact, all my hormones are out of whack thanks to it) just make my DP/DR worse.

I realized that taking medication was no shame when I physically needed it. So, I went back to taking 1/2 mg of Klonopin 2 - 3 times daily and I literally feel my DP/DR get better by 50% than it did before I took it. So, my DP/DR is not emotional. It was drug induced and it was fueled by my nervous system still being haywire from all that tachycardia and panic I had over these four months. So, for me, Klonopin brings me back down to Earth. Sometimes, it feels like it COMPLETELY takes it away, almost. I mentioned that I was at 10% away from feeling normal. Well, I messed that up, by psyching myself out with research and with the devastating thoughts of this lasting forever, and, I went off the meds that my nervous system needed because it still hasn't calmed down from the panic and the... weirdo, crazy, bizarre withdrawal-like symptoms. Hey, I'm not saying cannabis causes withdrawal. I'm saying I felt like I had withdrawal for about a month and a half after stopping it that landed me in the E.R. three times with my heart rate high as a kite and my blood pressure through the roof. Not to mention, I'd sweat through all my clothes and socks that first month and leave them soaked in sweat. But, when I got a prescription for Klonopin, it just... took my DR/DP almost away.

I sense that those with anxiety and panic fueled DP/DR kind of have the same sort of stuff going on that people with Dysautonomia does. Overactive Amygdala, adrenaline goes up, nervous system gets out of whack... that's why these meds can help so many people.

I will taper off eventually and I will get off, eventually, and will switch to Valerian Root or L-Theanine, but for now, I don't think I'm fully recovered from whatever hell I was put through four months ago. Physically, I just felt so sick after I stopped smoking. It was like a combination of having the flu with having anxiety and tachycardia and DP/DR where you felt you were in a dream and so sick that you threw everything up and couldn't sleep because the insomnia was so bad.  People say DP feels like a dream and that's right. Except when I was that sick that first month and a half or so, it felt like a nightmare. I'd feel like I was having heart attacks twice a day and only reaching for the benzos would slow my heart rate down. And despite what the doctors told me, and what others told me -- no, it was not psychological. I did everything I could to not stress and to meditate and do breathing exercises. My heart rate just felt like going up to 160-170 as soon as the meds got out of my system. And, with every bad physical episode of tachycardia and panic, my DP/DR would elevate. Then, I'd land myself in the E.R. and they'd give me a few Ativan pills (this was before I got Klonopin), and, it just made everything so much better.

I can't believe I was 10% away from being normal and then I abruptly went off my meds and started researching crap online that made me go into a hypochondria fueled meltdown. :/ I started taking my meds again and I'm feeling much better but I'm still not taking as much as I used to. I take maybe 1/2 mg of Klonopin once a day, but, I know that if I up that to at least 2X daily, I'll feel MUCH better. I guess I'm holding back because I keep hoping I can do this alone. But, who am I kidding? My cardiologist told me way before I even had DP/DR that my nervous system was out of whack and that I needed to be on benzodiazepines. My mom is on them, my aunt is on them, and my grandmother is on them. We all have tachycardia and autonomic nervous system dysfunctions. We all panic easily because we produce more adrenaline than other people.

I think the key to me, personally, getting over my DP/DR is going to be through medication, because, there's no psychological reason I have it. I did have a panic attack the last time I smoked, but, it was because my tachycardia kicked in and I freaked out because my heart was racing. Then, I was fine for almost a week, and, BAM... mysterious withdrawal-like symptoms that totally kicked my butt.

P.S., I REALLY don't want anyone to start up on the whole "Cannabis doesn't cause withdrawal, it was all in your head, or the stuff was laced" argument because I've heard it all from all of my E.R. and family doctors.  Truth is, I don't know what happened. But it sure as hell felt like withdrawal. When you stop a substance, whether it be a plant, or anything else in the world, and you spend a month and a half feeling like you have the flu, going from hot to cold, sweating through ten pairs of socks a day, vomiting, being unable to sleep, and having your heart rate jump into the 150s - 160s, then... you kind of have to wonder if stopping the substance messed with your brain chemistry, somehow. And by the way, I used for about two years. Yeah, yeah, my mistake, I was stupid. Live and learn. Will never touch alcohol, drugs, or any of that crap ever, EVER again.

You may ask how this is relevant to your case. Well. I never had tachycardia or panic attacks as bad until I got DP/DR. Even the panic attack I had the last time I smoked was just me freaking out over my heart rate. My heart rate never went up past 105 or so in a stressful situation. It wasn't until five days after my drug induced panic attack that I woke up with full blown 2D vision, feeling like I was in a dream, heart rate sky high, etc etc. I never had my heart rate go up as high as it did. I never before have panicked as much as I have over these four months. And, Klonopin has helped me a lot to feel almost DP/DR free. If your DP/DR is fueled mostly by anxiety, panic, and fear, then I'd seriously recommend going to your doctor to see if you have anxiety disorders or something like Dysautonomia. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 21. It's a mystery disease. The right doctor needs to catch it.

Also, if you feel like you are about to jump out of your skin like I was, then, not taking a medication made it so much worse for me. DP/DR is fueled by anxiety for a lot of people. You can't get over the anxiety if you can't control it or make it go down by breathing right, or meditating, or doing those things. For some people, the anxiety just takes over you and you panic and the panic worsens symptoms and makes you feel really, really bad.

Valerian Root and L-Theanine worked for me in a similar way before I took benzodiazepines. I plan to switch to Valerian Root when I taper off Klonopin. I think I'll start taking 1/2 mg a day with a Valerian Root. But as for now, I can't do it. Without a benzo, my nervous system goes haywire, my DP/DR gets horrible, I panic, my heart rate goes up, and I feel anxious like I'm pepped up on sugar (it's the adrenaline. I HATE it). Then, with a Klonopin, my heart rate stays down, my DP/DR gets 50 - 70% better depending on the day, my anxiety is down, and, I don't feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin or gouge my eyes out like a recovering crack addict.

So, all in all, if you feel like you need medication for a temporary amount of time, don't be ashamed to take it. If it takes away your DP/DR while you're on it, it can give you a chance to calm down. DP/DR is about your brain being stressed, tired, overworked, overstimulated, and just fed up with all the baloney of the stress and tension and worrying that goes with DP/DR. Some medications take the edge off and make it easier for your brain to go into a resting period. When your brain isn't too busy panicking and freaking out, it can have a chance to cool off and not have a reason to go into fight / flight mode as easily.

I know some people think it band aids the problem, but -- when I went off my meds, I got DP/DR so much worse. When I went back on, I felt almost like myself again. Just feeling like myself again is worth dealing with all the stigma of anti-anxiety meds. I will worry about tapering off and getting off later. As for now, I am not ashamed to say that I will pop a pill and say hello to feeling closer to my old self again. I'd rather feel like my old self again and take medication than feel so far from normal and suffer with all of this just for the sake of not taking a medication. My two cents.  I also find that Klonopin makes me less fatigued. Odd, I know. This DP/DR stuff has had me feeling SO fatigued. For most people, benzos make them tired. But my theory is that my brain is already exhausted from the anxiety and stress it's under. The benzo probably takes a load off my brain and gives it less to worry about and focus on, and, my energy levels go WAY up. I actually feel the energy loss and severe fatigue that comes with DP lessen by such a great deal when I take my meds.

Anyways, that's all I've got to say on the matter.


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## AMUNT

you say you have it from drug use...i didnt... got it the normal way.

has this drug been effective in normal DP/DR people?


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## MissLana

.Pookie said:


> im not even going to read the thread, i'll just throw in my two cents.... klonopin sedates you, sorta like being drunk, many people also get relief from getting drunk. To continue getting relief you're going to have to continue to increase your dosage and trying to come off is not fun. Just a heads up for others who are thinking about getting on klonopin.


Yes, but if you had read my thread, you'd have seen that I mentioned that I have a serious Mitral Valve Prolapse and Dysautonomia problem.This means that my sympathetic nervous system NEEDS to be sedated, in a way, because my brain, for whatever reason, tells me to produce too much adrenaline and copious amounts of other hormones that cause stress and anxiety. In Dysautonomia, the sympathetic nervous system (responsible for stress) tends to override the parasympathetic nervous system (responsible for a body at rest). With me, the nervous system that controls the fight or flight and stress response is over active and the one that controls calmness, is underactive.

Benzos and beta blockers are virtually the only treatment for my condition. My doctor at the Dysautonomia / Mitral Valve clinic told me that people with severe nervous system problems like I have, sometimes show up to in her office gasping for air, hyperventilating, and their heart rates shoot up sky high and they panic and get anxious simply because their nervous systems are out of whack, not because anything is actually stressing them out. Benzos really help those people because what they need is to be sedated. Our adrenaline is through the roof so we are over-stimulated. Sedating us would just get us back on a 'normal' level. This is a life long condition, for me, and I am never on a 'normal' level. I could quit medication, one day, but I'd have to deal with a sympathetic nervous system that responds severely to stress and anxiety. And, by the way, I do plan on tapering off - just not yet seeing as these past few months have been hell on me physically and mentally.

Also, I've been on 1/2 mg of Klonopin roughly twice a day back when I took it several years ago and now that is what I'm sticking to, now. I never needed to up my dose because I never found myself needing more. It stays effective at a low dose, for me.

The reason I mentioned all of this is because I sense that people with severe anxiety / panic fueled DP/DR also have their sympathetic or stress causing nervous system being overworked and in hyperdrive. When your sympathetic nervous system keeps screaming "I'M STRESSED, I'M STRESSED, I'M STRESSED" all the time, you're not calm, you're panicked, and usually start producing adrenaline and that really makes things worse because it peps you up (in a bad way, when you're very anxious). My doctor told me that benzos help people who are currently producing copious amounts of stress hormones. And, I think some people with DP are producing too many stress hormones, so, a low dose of a medication isn't something to always frown upon.

I don't feel sedated when I take a very low dose of Klonopin, for example. I feel ALMOST like myself. In fact, today, I feel like my DP got better by 50% than it was yesterday. Yes, maybe I am being slightly sedated. But when you're anxious, producing stress hormones, and your nervous system is over-worked, it does need to calm down before you can make progress. You're not going to cure your DP if you're sitting there in an anxious state, feeling like you're going to jump out of your skin 24/7.

I will plan to taper off eventually but when I can take 1/2 mgs and feel almost normal again, then, you bet I'm gonna do it.

I'm just pretty sure that the nervous system is out of whack for some DPed people, just like mine always was. DPed people have a higher stress response and are usually more prone to anxiety and panic. That's a sign of an overactive Amygdala, over-active sympathetic nervous system, and probably a sign that your anxiety and stress is producing too much adrenaline, landing you in fight / flight mode. That's all I'm saying. And benzos are one of the treatments for calming a nervous system that is too pepped up and on edge.

Whether it's drug induced or not, I believe that that yes, certain medications can calm your nerves. Of course, one could try Valerian Root or something of that nature. But even Valerian Root, which is a plant, is known to be very sedating. Even chamomile tea and Valerian Root sedate me more than the tiny dose of Klonopin that I take. I mentioned in my post that it does give me energy, oddly enough. I don't feel drunk or sedated. I feel normal. All in all, the point of this post was basically to say that I take a low dose of a certain medication and can feel 50 - 70% better, depending on how good the day is. It's easy to knock a medication but it's also easy to forget that some meds can actually change a person's quality of life. I started back on Klonopin 1/2 mg 2X daily last night. I took 1/2 a mg six hours ago and I'm not even noticing my DP/DR. Vision cleared up a bit, anxiety is gone, heart isn't racing, no intrusive thoughts, no jittery and panicky feeling. And, no sedation, either. I almost feel like I did before this mess even began. Sedatives may sedate, but, when the nervous system is overstimulated, that is NOT it's natural state. Sedating an overworked, overstressed, and hyperactive nervous system isn't always going to 'sedate' everyone. It may bring some people back down to the relaxed state they were at before these problems even started. Me, for example. I produce adrenaline in copious amounts constantly, my sympathetic nervous system is always in fight or flight, and, I am on the edge of my seat a lot, wanting to crawl out of my skin since getting DP, because my anxiety went from being a mere hiccup in my life to being a huge tornado that destroyed my life. Hmm.. sedated nervous system or one that's too stimulated and in chaos? Yeah, I'll take the sedation, please.

Not enough is known about DP/DR, BUT, I sense that having anxiety / panic fueled DP does stem partly if not mostly in the nervous systems. I have a nervous system disorder so I've been battling anxiety and panic for a long time. Now that I have DP, though, all of my pre-existing anxiety, panic, and stress responses in my body literally got worse 10X. And, I wasn't THAT bad before with anxiety, panic, and nervousness. I had it, but it wasn't THAT bad. Now, it's multiplied by loads. So, I sense that even the people with no nervous system problems, suddenly develop nervous system problems while in DP/DR. Maybe not all people, but some. Because if my panic and stress (without DP) went from being at 10% to... let's say, 80%, while on DP, then I can conclude logically that my nervous system is responding very, very badly to this whole thing. So, those with panic fueled DP/DR may also experience a jump in how much their stress response goes up.

Also, I'm not promoting this drug so don't think that. I'm saying what it personally did for me. Drug induced or not, I do believe that some people (doesn't even have to be drug induced) have a hard time calming their nervous systems while in DP/DR. Everyone says DP is an anxiety disorder. Well, anxiety causes the nervous system to stress out. Certain things can help calm it down and make you feel normal. For me, it's Klonopin. For someone else, it could be L-Theanine or GABA or chamomile or Valerian Root. Doesn't matter. I'm just saying what this medication did to help me out greatly. That is all.


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## MissLana

I'm just having a bad day and don't like it when someone brings me down even though something is helping me. I just don't want to hear that "medication is crap" nonsense, when, some of us actually have illnesses that call for those things. And, I'm sure many people don't even know what they have. I'm sure many things can trigger DP to make it get worse. But when you're living with a nervous system and adrenaline problem and one of your only treatments is something so many people have some stigma against, it makes you feel... blah.

Anyways, I probably shouldn't have posted this. Whatever. But really, I'd appreciate it if everyone at least read my posts before responding with their own opinions. Thank you.


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## Big Ben

Hi Miss Lana

I have the same condition as you. I have had this adrenaline disorder diagnosed when I was 12. It is extremely inconvenient, especially at night time. I have given up caffiene and do my best to live a good active and normal life but its hard. I am on the mend though. I take Beta blockers also. I take the following meds:


Metoprolol (Betaloc, Lopresor) 100mg per day
Escitalaproam 20 mg per day

The Beta blockers help with the tachycardia and the Escitalpram helps with the obsessive thoughts I have.

I have DPD and had it for about 18 years. I am on the mend though and starting to learn to relax and stay positive. Its not easy but it takes time.

Its good to have you on this website. I have been on it since end of last year and it has really helped me see there are others just like me.

You did the right thing for posting this don't worry or get upset about what others say. They never mean anything harmful. Everyone has their opinions. Nice to "meet" you anyway and look forward to hearing from you more.

Kind regards

Ben


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## Visual

Hi MissLane,

You mentioned loosing depth perception (2D). Now that your are not in that crisis, do you have any visual perception problems? (depth, color, fuzzy, halos, trails, ...)

Otherwise you report anxiety, DP, and Dysautonomia.


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