# Something is making me stupid, or am I just stupid? Is it DP, or something else?



## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

This is a bit of a rant, but I really need to get this off my chest. Any replies or perspectives are extremely appreciated!

There's a feeling inside me that something is holding my mind back from it's true potential, or my worst fear - an outside agent has influenced the development of my brain for the worse. It used to be worse, I was very depressed and there was this ever-present cloud of fog in my mind. Now I can think a bit more clearly, but still, something feels off. I'm SO interested in all these intellectual pursuits, but I am not an intellectual or even capable of being a decent academic. I'll listen intently and with great interest, I'll try to understand the topic or run with a train of thought, but I am not able to think either deeply or originally. I feel like I have a mediocre intelligence and all I want is to explore all these ideas...but I always think in such broad and shallow ways.

I remember taking an IQ test as a teenager, I was suicidally depressed at the time and VERY anxious, both in general and about taking the test. When I told me therapist this he was shocked and said the person giving the test should have known better than to give it to me while I was in that state and that being in such a mindset could influence the test greatly...but I believe my IQ score was in the 90's - which is on the low end of average. I remember the person giving the test said to me, "Yeah, you deserve to be in special education." with such a fucking cold, clinical demeanor. I've never felt more condescended to and I have very rarely been that devastated in my life. All I had was my mind...I didn't have friends, I didn't have happiness, I didn't have anything....and in that moment I felt completely worthless. As soon as I exited the building I broke down, I couldn't stop the hysterical sobbing. I know an IQ test is not definitive or an entirely accurate measure of intelligence, but that still haunts me to this day.

Now, maybe some of you are aware of that study that recently came out that said heavy Marijuana use in adolescence can affect the development of a growing brain...they observed an average drop of 8 IQ points. I'll be blunt and risk sounding crass here, this scares the shit out of me. I started smoking at age 17. I was a heavy smoker from 18-21. Those are years in which your brain is still developing and I possibly altered that development in a negative way. Fuck me, I'm an idiot.

I've heard conflicting anecdotes about DP affecting cognition. For some, they just feel kinda detached but can think just fine. Others feel stupid. Maybe it's that, I don't know. I know it's common to have trouble reading and focusing because of DP, I used to have really good reading comprehension and now I can't even read a chapter of a book and summarize it. Have any of you noticed any sort of cognitive decline since getting DP?

I'm also on a very small dose of Lithium (600 mg) which I am currently weening off of completely. I noticed as the dose got lower my thought process got quicker...but I don't think it's having that much of an effect.

It can be any number of things or it might just be that I'm a moron. I really hope it's something temporary.

Thoughts? Opinions? Personal experiences?


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## Guest (Nov 16, 2012)

First of all, that person who did your IQ test was an asshole. How could you get a correct result in that state? I hope you don't actually believe it. You are quite obviously very intelligent, I can tell just by the way you write. You do seem to be a deep thinker too - a very deep thinker. I think you might just be scaring yourself into believing a lie. One thing I know for certain is that intelligence cannot be tested without discipline. I grew up getting A's in school in most subjects right up until the point where I left, but I haven't been in work since 2009, I haven't done much since and what little I have done as a hobby, I have not received any feedback because there has been nobody to look at it! So my current intelligence level is based purely on my own opinion of myself, which cannot solely be relied upon because it is tainted by negativity. Another test I do is compare myself to others in their intelligence for my age, but that's just not fair. Their life has been completely different to mine, and it was obviously one that didn't hinder their intellectual growth.
Just know that you have limitless potential, no-matter what your opinion of yourself is. Our brains are always cabable of learning.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

Well you type very coherently dude so I wouldn't worry too much.

As for cognitive decline. Yes I feel this massively. Everytime I read a page of a book I forget what I've just read almost instantaneously unless I focus extremely hard, and when I say extremely, I mean reading the words aloud very very slowly.

Honestly, DP has made me feel retarded essentially. My social skills and intellectual capabilities disappeared almost instantaneously as soon as I became depersonalized. It's tragic and traumatic and I don't know where to turn anymore.


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## chelsy010 (Oct 29, 2012)

I don't think that your stupid, I understand how you feel because when my dp was at it's worst, I felt like a total idot, I felt really really dumb. But just as what midnight said, just by reading your posting it obvious your not stupid, it was well written. DP controls our every thought, so I think it's mainly the fact that we are consumed by dp/dr from morning till night, when we do try to do something normal its seems hard and we feel stupid because we just don't think like how we use to. my dp was so bad to the point where i could not even explain to someone what my major in school was about, now thats stupid. I had to think about before had what I was going to say to someone if they had asked me about it. We all feel your pain and I truly hope that you will recover soon....


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## gasspanicc (Mar 21, 2012)

your brain is still able to compute pretty well in this distressed state. trust me i know from experience. but marijuana does effect the brain, but it all depends on individual's brains reaction to it and of the attitude of the individual themselves.


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## MIndfAEL (Mar 13, 2012)

bro i literally worried about the same thing you did but after analyzing/obsessing over it for awhile i believe I've found the truth. First of all i want to say that i think that iq tests are soo overrated. they seem like a little puzzle game that you solve when your little. they dont measure how wise you are about the real world. they dont measure your creativity at all. the people i know personally with a high iq yes they do well on tests but they seem to have little common sense. and plus intelligence is just one part of a person. theres so many things that make up a person like personality,moral values,etc. now on the subject about weed u have nothing to worry about. you didnt start smoking till 17? I started at 14. your brain nearly 100% developed by 18 i know they say the frontal cortex is still developing or watever but that is very,very little after 18. the people who lost 8 iq points were dependent on weed before 18 meaning instead of doing homework they were getting high all day. no shit their gonna lose intelligence when they spend all their time smoking weed. i smoked since 14 but i wasnt dependent on it and my test scores/sat scores went up.my friends who smoked with me since 14 got like the top 5% of the sat. one of them had a 2.0 in middle school and the yr after he smoked he got a 4.2 honestly. point is light-moderate weed smoking doesnt do shit. after 18 smoking heavily will not damage ur brain thats not disputed even the study you read tested kids who smoked heavily before 18. and dp doesnt make you dumb either you either it just feels that way.


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## SongBillong (Sep 20, 2011)

mmarcus said:


> First of all i want to say that i think that iq tests are soo overrated. they seem like a little puzzle game that you solve when your little. they dont measure how wise you are about the real world. they dont measure your creativity at all. the people i know personally with a high iq yes they do well on tests but they seem to have little common sense. and plus intelligence is just one part of a person. theres so many things that make up a person like personality,moral values,etc. now on the subject about weed u have nothing to worry about.


Spot on, well said


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