# How one night changed my life



## Anicca (8 mo ago)

Hey folks,

I've going through many of the posts on this forum and on reddit to better understand what it is I'm going through.

On Wednesday night I had just 1 space brownie which was meant to be mild. It turned out to be the worst trip of my life. Extreme paranoia ensued. Racing thoughts. Unable to maintain a train of thought. Thinking I was going to die and needing to go to the hospital. Forgetting what I was saying mid-sentence. I thought it would be good idea to eat the brownie and watch Princess Mononke. Worst idea of my life.

I have had pure CBD oil and CBD/THC oil in the past with no issues. But with this brownie I had a severe reaction. 10 years ago though I had a bad trip from smoking weed and decided to never do it again. I don't think I've experienced any DPDR from that incident.

To top it off the very next day I had a flight to catch. I was still feeling the effects in the morning. I told my parents how I was feeling - that I was feeling "mentally retarded". They didn't believe anything I was saying or take me seriously.

When I landed and reached my accommodation I then started experiencing bad diahhrea nausea and just now vomiting which at the time of this writing I has not gone away. I think these gastro symptoms are due to the space brownie.

On Thursday and today I began to sober up/ On Friday I went to see my friends who I am attending a music festival with. Initially meeting them I was fine - was able to hold some conversation. But towards the end of the night I started feeling extremely blank. Even my friend commented that I am very quiet. I believe this many people have experienced this and is one of the most _debilitating_ conditions for DP sufferers.

I am not sure why I have to experience this. But I am experiencing this at the worst possible time. A time where I have to be very social. Now I just want to stay in my room and not see anyone. I want to go home. I want to go see a doctor about my gastro issues. I'm not in a good place right now.

Unfortunately this all feels permanent like my brain has reached a cognitively worse baseline. Poorer memory than before. This longecity post captures much of what I am experiencing:

-no sense of self - no one “leading”
-objective perception
-timelessness
-living almost completely presently as no wants/excitement for future
-no analytical thought/judgement during interactions
-no frame of reference
-no opinions/preferences
-loss of external attachments
-everything/everyone feels unfamiliar due to loss of connection to memories
-poor memory, specifically affective memory
-blank mind/inner monologue - no “drifting off” in thought or getting distracted in an interested manner
-poor sleep quality
-no excitement - nothing to be excited for
-no deep emotions
-drive for life falling away
-no aspirations
-sense of mourning these abilities/life before this

Source: https://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/91600-anyone-recover-from-blank-mindno-inner-monlogue/ 

Even before this episode I felt my cognition wasn't great (which I speculated was due to adolescent weed use) - but now it feels noticeably worse.

Any words of support/advice greatly appreciated.


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## Severalny (7 mo ago)

Thanks for sharing the experience. Now I have less desire to try something with CBD.
I have already smoked some weed while travelling in one of the https://www.dbfahrplan.com/de/ trains, but that was a long time ago, and I could not even breathe the smoke in properly. It was still fun, and we all had a good time, but I wanted to try it for reals. However, something still stops me from doing that because I am afraid that I will lose control and do something weird. Not sure what I should do. Maybe try some CBD edibles instead of weed, and look what happens?


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## ajajr (11 mo ago)

i have blank mind also, still not sure how to deal with this symptom


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## DanishDP (6 mo ago)

I feel you. Experienced the same thing back in 2017/18 after a mix of weed and LSD. 
Shit fucked my mind up, and now im stuck with DP and anxiety.
NEVER touching hallucinogens or weed again.


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