# sorry, I should have done this first



## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

hello To anyone you is reading this

well you already know my name, so I guess I will start by telling you a bit about myself. I live in australia and love it, have any of you guys visited us yet?
I hate school, I hate the way I feel at the moment, I hate panic attacks and equally as unpleasant anxiety, oh and I hate seafood and last but not least I hate TV. See I don't hate that many things.
Here are some of the things I love, talking to people, although that is becoming a lot harder to do these days because I am becoming to self conscious, I love music, most kinds, I love art although I am crap at it myself I like to look at other peoples work, just well I am on that I had a look at the art/poetry forum and was surprised to see there wasn't that many pieces, I thought there would be a lot more with over 3000 members. I hope to see more work in there soon, but what I have seen is great.
How did I end up on this site? well I have been suffering anxiety and panic attacks for a while but one day as I was walking home, feeling very alone things started to get really weird, it felt like I was sinking into the earth, it felt like I was dying or going crazy one of the two, then my hands and arms felt like they were in the wrong place ( that sounds weird doesnt it ). It really scared me, I went to my doctor and he told me it was depersonalization, GREAT what the hell is that, he explained it to me and here I am, the thing is though, that since it happened I feel like it has changed me in some way, I don't feel like me anymore.
One of the hard parts is trying to explain it to people, they just give you that look, I am sure you know the one I mean.

At least know I can talk about it

Thanks for listening
Bailee


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

First off welcome to this site.

Anyway i know what you mean about how hard it is to tell people and to get other people to understand what dp/dr is like. I imagine it would be almost impossible for a normal person to understand the strange feeling's that someone with dp/dr has. Im no good at explaining what it's like to anyone at all.

I also relate to what it's like to not feel like the real you. Ive felt like this all my life probley because ive suffered from dp/dr all my life. I always felt that i was living a life that was already played out for me. Almost like a movie script.

Ive also felt as if my memories are not my own and i cannot connect with what i was like when i was younger.

Im pretty much 100% dp/dr free now and my anxiety and panic attacks are gone as well but i still get that feeling from time to time. But it no longer really bother's me.


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## Kms14 (Nov 24, 2006)

Hi i'm new too,
I am also from Australia and also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. But I love Seafood . I get dr and dp when I get a panic attack, but recently I have been feeling dr and dp when I'm not having a panic attack. I hate these feelings, they are soo scary and I'd wish that they would just go away. I'm too scared to tell anyone because i'm scared they will think i'm crazy!!! :S 
But when I see my phycologist I'm gonna try and build up the courage to tell her how I feel. Do you see a phycologist?

I hope things get better for you.
By the way I hate school too


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

Thankyou C.Nunb for your welcome.

Yes it is very hard to explain what it feels like, I have read other peoples posts where they say it feels like they are in a dream or that the world seems 2D or that they feel like they are in a movie, I don't know if that's what you meant.
I will try and explain what it feels like for me.
first I start to feel like I am sliding out of my body,sinking, then it feels like I HAVE left my body, totally, I can see myself ( can you imagine the looks on my freinds faces when I tell them that ) guess you could say I am literally beside myself with fear. HeHe
It feels like I am dead, because I can see myself, it is not always like that, it is only like that when I have a bad panic attack.
other times it is not so bad, I just feel kind of spaced out.
But it always seems to lurk in the background now, just waiting to attack me.
Is there different levels of dp/dr

My memories, well I remember most things but there is a few blanks.

You said you had dp/dr for most of your life, I can not imagine what that would have been like. But you are free now, that gives me hope.

look forward to talking to you again.

Bailee


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

Hi Kms14

Isn't this site great, we can finally talk about this without everyone getting weirded out, I feel a bit better already.
you say that you also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, and it is that, that brings on your dp/dr, its the same for me, but the thing is, I don't know what makes me anxious or what sets off my panic attacks.
They seem to happen most when I am by myself, but not always.
Do you know what starts yours?
You also said that recently you have been feeling dp/dr without the panic attacks, that's what I mean when I say, I feel it has changed me in some way.

I don't see a psychologist but I have a doctor I can trust.

How can you eat seafood OOOWH 

talk to you soon.

Bailee


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## Kms14 (Nov 24, 2006)

Hi, 
I don't really know why I get panic attacks, but I have had them for about 3 years. I've never liked going to school and primary school was very traumatic for me. When I have a major panic attack I get really bad dr and dp. But as I said I have been feeling it alot lately even when I don't get panic attack and it's soo scary. Usually what triggers my panic attack is going out of the house for me. eg: when I have to go to school or even going up the shops. But lately I've just been getting panic attacks for no reason at all anytime anywhere and anyplace and the dr and dr too. I too feel most anxious when by myself. 
Maybe you should speak to your doctor about the dr and dp. Do you take any medication for your problems?
Let me know how you go


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

Hi kate
Primary school for me was also crap, I went to to many schools to really settle down and make friends.
I know in my intro I said I love talking to people, well actually I am very shy, although I do love talking to people I prefer one on one conversations and even then people say "you are way to serious" anyway that's me, and I like me, I want the old me back damm it!
my theory on why I get most anxious when I am alone is ( here I go again) its because that's when our guard is down, its when we get lost in our own thoughts.
I do speak to my doctor about dp/dr but, I don't know, sure he explains it but it doesn't make it go away.

I have tried medication, but that made me feel even less like me.

talk to you soon 

bailee


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## Kms14 (Nov 24, 2006)

Well I don't have anyone to talk to (besides people on this site) about how I feel people know I get panic attacks but they don't know that I think I might have dr and dp because i'm to afraid to tell them becuase i feel that they will think i'm crazy. But i'm going to speak to my phycologist soon and tell her how I feel. Do you talk to anyone about your dr and dp?
p.s how did you know my name?


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## Kms14 (Nov 24, 2006)

Well I don't have anyone to talk to (besides people on this site) about how I feel people know I get panic attacks but they don't know that I think I might have dr and dp because i'm to afraid to tell them becuase i feel that they will think i'm crazy. But i'm going to speak to my phycologist soon and tell her how I feel. Do you talk to anyone about your dr and dp?
p.s how did you know my name?


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## Hopefull (Dec 1, 2006)

Hi Kate

You asked me how I know your name, well I read it in your intro.
you said that you don't have anyone to talk to about dp/dr, you should talk to your new psychologist about it, it might be helpful.
I also think that if you are seeing a psychologist you should be completely honest with her, but I guess you can only do that if you trust her.
As for telling your friends, you'd have to ask yourself do they really need to know?
I have talked to a few of my friends about it ( well tried to anyway ) and SOME of them act differently towards me now, not in a bad way though, they think its depression so they try and cheer my up with endless jokes and funny stories, gotta luv em.
some of them have just stopped talking to me, I think they just don't know what to say to me.
Anyway, I kinda wish I didn't tell them, but it just blurts out.
I try to talk to my mum about it but she gets to defensive, she thinks I am blaming her for it, I don't know, she just comes up with all these weird ways of how I ended up this way, she is to caught up in why and how, she doesn't listen to how it makes me feel, she doesn't understand me, never really has.
So I talk to my doctor about it, but he just explains to me what it is and that it will eventually go away, we don't discuss feelings.
I am not as social as I used to be now, I try and avoid crowds, they make me anxious and then I get all self conscious.

hope to hear from you soon

Bailee


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