# The Source



## Guest (Jan 1, 2005)

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## Guest (Jan 1, 2005)

Thanks Clover :wink: 
I am a little bit proud I did all the work I did (only a little..lol).

A little bit more on it:
As an assistant (and for being a supervisor) you get a special training.
The organization (named 'I Am' in Israel) was founded by an Israeli man, who created the training, consisting elements of all kinds of approaches to be proven to work.
The training is made of processes (group/individual), games, music etc, all kinds of tools that help you see what you do in your life. Through this you become aware of your own patterns. They are highly confrontational trainings.

The man who created it and is trainer himself as well, once was a general in the Israeli army.
He said that after he had killed a soldier, and after him having given orders to others to molest the palestinian for many years, he decided that one day, he couldnt do it anymore.
The training was made to create a better world. Especially in Israel, where the people live with daily violence, this training is a great succes.
Its very down-to-earth, goal-oriented and at the same time sensitive. I have learnt a lot the times I assisted.

As an assistant yourself, you have your own training again when supporting the trainees. Its very challenging.
You participate in processes, so you go through your own stuff too.
As an assistant, and showing who YOU are, you create the safe space for the trainees to open up. So there's hard work for yourself there as well.
But I loved it.

I sometimes think to supervise again, but then when Im DP-free.

Love you
Wendy


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## Guest (Jan 1, 2005)

Wendy it truly sounds like a fantastic experience.
I have no doubt that you will supervise again or do something similar.


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## Guest (Jan 2, 2005)

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## Guest (Jan 2, 2005)

That is too fascinating. I'm going to ask a woman I know who is studying currently to be an analyst if she knows anything about this program. She worked in mental health in Israel for many many years, and did alot of work with the military. TOO interesting.

I'll tell you one thing: that feeling of "was this real?" or maybe more to the point "Was that person ME who did that?" is so common in these symptoms we all have.

I used to be obsesed with finding what I called "the Through-line" of myself...to be able to connect with Emotional memory to all the different "versions" of myself. It was as if I NEEDED to see that, yes, that was Janine who did that ten years ago, yet this is ALSO Janine today. It was a bizarre preoccupation and one that, the more I tried to do it, the more foreign other aspects of my Self seemed to grow.

In analytic literature, the word "dissociation" is used differently than most of us are used to. They talk about it as a GOOD thing, as something every mature mind must do in order to stay sane. The first example of this form of dissociation is in a small child who must come to terms with his "sleeping/dreaming self" and his "waking self."

Lots of small kids ask "was that real?" about dreams or "am I awake now? Was that kid in that dream ME?" because they are resisting letting their minds dissociate. In order to feel comfortable wth the waking self, we almost NEED to "split off" the memory of the dreaming self..to just say, oh, well, that was me when asleep, .... and not obesss about it.

Not sure if this applies, but I think it might be related to what we do in our mental self-torment.

Love,
J
p.s. VERY proud of you, hearing all that. It's quite an achievement, Wendy.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

ahhhh....my heroine ( a woman admired and emulated for her achievements and qualities) 

Wendy, thanks so much for taking the time to write about something so very courageous for one to do while dp'd. I consider this to be a story of overcoming dp to a great degree.

And yes, I know for certain, it was YOU !

As always, you da Girl.
terri*


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## Guest (Jan 2, 2005)

All day Ive been thinking what to say to your post Terri, and I still dont know what..lol Too shy 

But THANKS, that made me feel good. 

Also thanks to you Clover, Shelly & Janine.
I love you guys. :?

LOL


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2005)

Wendy, 
This is a slow immersion "de-sensitization" therapy for you, lol...sort of an Internet Safety way to get used to compliments!

Also, as one who LOVES compliments, let me suggest another way of looking at them. It's not that we're praising you to feed your ego, it's that we're ACKNOWLEDGING you for what you've done. So it's just an accurate report on the reality of you, not a piece of fluffy praise.

Sadly, if people didn't GET that acknowledgment when very young, it takes getting used to.

Then there are those of us who DID get it and are just unquenchable.
:lol: 8)

Love you, too,
J


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Great Big MammaJamma Hugs. (((((((( ))))))))

We're having a big ol' lovefest down here.

Hey, if you get praise on this Board it ain't got a thing to do with fluff. It's the real stuff!

Wendy, you have the stuff that winners are made of. Don't ever be afraid of having that ability.

Saying thanks is always more than enough, Kiddo. :wink: 
terri*

and that Janine...well isn't she just something else? :wink: 8) ( are you soaking it up? lol)


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2005)

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## Guest (Jan 3, 2005)

Oops forgot:



> and that Janine...well isn't she just something else? ( are you soaking it up? lol)


Yes Terri, and its working.

:lol:


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2005)

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## Guest (Jan 3, 2005)

Or maybe both options :?

:roll:


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Janine, dear Wendy, I was writing to Janine since she had stated "there are those of us who did get it and are just unquenchable". Ergo the "that janine, isn't she something else" ( this would be a compliment...albiet tongue in cheek for the sake of the post). Then the words "soaking it up" to go with unquenchable...not being able to be filled up, per se.

Ya know, when I have these conversations with myself they make sense. :lol:

Sorry for the confusion.
terri


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## Guest (Jan 4, 2005)

When you're as single-minded as I am, and think ONLY about compliments, you have no trouble at all following this thread. I understood what Terri* meant and also what Wendy meant.

Love,
me
p.s. I am SORT of joking, you know. Well.
sort of i guess.

:lol: 

Wendy,
In all seriousness, yes that is exactly what I meant by "Through line" - the ME of all the me's (and yes, it sounds absolutely nuts, lol...). There are "aspects" to a self for everyone, but most people don't LOOK for more than that. They "find" the Self in the rainbow fragments and see a "whole" in the colors. Us, on the other hand, who are so scared of "letting" a part of us exist As Us without "approving" it first, keep too close a watchful eye, and in the process, we end up feeling only the fragmentation of the rainbow. We see only the frayed edges where one color blurs into another, and see only where "red" isn't exactly red and yet isn't orange yet either. We're focused on the fragments, not the whole

And the more we LOOK for a "whole" the more we see pieces.

Love,
J


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

( excuse me...just sneaking back in here to say i was *definitely* joking. :lol:  :wink: and all that happy, kidding stuff. )


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## Guest (Jan 4, 2005)

I was joking too (was I?).. :wink:

I had a lot of fun when writing these posts yesterday and at the same time I was confused as hell.

But its clear now. I already got it Terri that the quenching and soaking were related. Its that English is not my native language and I guess that shows sometimes.

Janine, sometimes as a human being, by desperately trying to HAVE something, we can push it away further instead of drawing it closer (re: the more we LOOK for a "whole" the more we see pieces).
Thats the same mechanism at work.

Thanks for the Fun and the Love,

Wendy


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

holy moly, your english, and understanding of english, is perfect Wendy. i was the one that did not get my thought put together right.

you cannot beat me at the "no it was me" game. lol. "oh no, please, excuse me, it was me." years of practice.

you're sweet. now get on with making a whole out of the pieces. of course, the pieces make the whole and the realization of that makes us whole. so says me. :wink:

Love,
terri*


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## Guest (Jan 4, 2005)

> you cannot beat me at the "no it was me" game. lol. "oh no, please, excuse me, it was me." years of practice.


Ok then Terri, *I* will _let_ you...lol :lol:


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

I humbly bow to the new Queen. lol 

You totally cracked me up with that one.

Most sincerely,
terri*


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