# Can't stop crying.... Ouch



## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

My mom always calls me crazy. Because of this detachment. It's exhausting and makes me feel like there's really something physically/mentally/emotionally wrong with me. So wrong that I just cry when she says stuff like "sometimes i think you're nuts because nobody knows what's wrong with you." I try to explain that it's just Derealization from anxiety (right, it stems from anxiety?) It hurts so badly. I want to talk to her about it because it's so uncomfortable but it seems like she can't be bothered with it because I'm psycho. She always makes jokes too like "you really like your drugs" because I'm on an antidepressant and a benzo to help fight the panic and unreality a bit. I don't love them. I hate that I have to take them but they help so I do. I'm scared that maybe she's onto something. That maybe I am crazy. She's just so sure of it and so.... Malicious about it. She doesn't care that I cry, she doesn't care that it hurts, she doesn't care about me. Because I'm psycho right? It's so much to take in... The last thing she said to me before I came downstairs to make this post and cry was "I don't know what happened to you. One day you just turned crazy. I didn't raise you to be this unstable." That blew my mind....... I'm hurt so badly. Will I recover? Am I crazy? Why doesn't she love me..... Why can't she understand....


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## Meyeen (Jun 23, 2013)

It sounds to me like your mother is the one that needs to look into the mirror and think about who "the crazy one" is... Sounds like she has a lot of issues and is afraid of dealing with them, so she blames you. Stop accepting the blame. It's not like you woke up and thought to yourself "What should I do today? I'll go nuts, yes, that is what I'll do today." Mental illness is not a choice, no illness is.

(As a side note: some people use the word "crazy" as a word to scold someone, make them feel bad. I use it myself about myself, to take the power away from such people, help make myself strong. And the thought behind it is the saying about this being a crazy world, so if you wanna survive, you do best if you are a little crazy yourself. I have more quotes than that about the subject, but right now, my mind is blank...)


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## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

I'm sorry for you.

Your mother is retard.Seriosuly,you have some SEVERE traces of emotional abuse.What a fucking bad mother she is.She doesn't even support his son in his most time of need.And it's like she's been doing always.You were born in neglection.

You are not unworthy,not bad,and you're not mad,not crazy.

Read a little about Fearless' Blog

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/blog/167-how-emotional-abuse-causes-dp-and-how-you-can-recover/


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

Daughter. I'm her daughter. Maybe I have my gender wrong on this site or something. And yes, there is abuse in the family but I'm usually able to handle it smoothly until she starts taking blows at my feelings of unreality. I need reassurance, not to be told that there's something wrong with my brain. I'm even recovering and she says all of this. What makes me angry is she dissociates too. She has an anxiety disorder and during her attacks, she feels what I feel. She doesn't know what it's like to have it constantly... So she makes jokes that hurt. Thank you, I'll read it right now.


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## lmfay (Jun 1, 2013)

My mum doesn't really have much sympathy either...but it's mostly because she finds it hard to understand. I'm so sorry she has been lashing out on you, I can't imagine what that must be like...
I think nearly everyone on this site has at some point thought they were crazy or going mad...but it's not true. It may seem a little odd but the way I've started to think about madness has really helped me; with DP, you're too worried to be mad, to be out of control. REAL madness is psychosis, anxiety neurosis. Real madness affects people who may not even realise that they are acting strangely, and who are unguarded in their actions. Anxious people like us are the exact opposite :') Hope this helped even a little  sorryi f this didn't make sense...


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## emjmoorXJ (Oct 22, 2012)

I'm sorry that sounds terrible  you cant truly understand this disorder unless you have it. My mom is similar except she ignores me when I talk about it and it's upsetting me. She doesn't like to talk about it or acts like she doesn't believe me when I say I don't feel real or real or I feel like I'm in a dream or haven't woken up, she's always quick to change the subject. I think it's because my mom thinks I'm partially crazy or mental she spent some time in a mental hospital at my age idk maybe it's hereditary.


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## branl (May 21, 2010)

I understand, Although people just dont get it..I would not bother relying on family for any help.

Infact family are the worst people when it comes to dp. depression etc

Life going smooth, then all of a sudden you hit dp or depression, and you try to tell family and all they say is, who you used to be which in turns makes you feel worse.

family in my view are the worst people to tell in terms of dp etc

if you had a broken leg, then they would help, but dp..not a chance.

the only person I have found to rely on is my self.


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## branl (May 21, 2010)

the only person who will help any of us is self. self put us there self get us out..

self reliance, self sufficiency, self will get us out, no one else will.


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## branl (May 21, 2010)

I get tired of telling people, family how I feel, a constant suffering. But no matter how much I tell it makes no difference.

and the more I cry wolf the worst people are towards me.

thing with dp is, its a battle of the self, a constant battle of our inner self, our fears,etc


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## coco6996 (May 15, 2013)

Thanks all of you for the support. I had a talk with her today and pretty much said that if she's going to call me crazy, she better mean it because I can't hear shit like that right now. She finally apologized and admitted she doesn't think I'm crazy, she just doesn't understand what it feels like. I get that. And I get that it's an inconvenience for her to drive me places to try and find answers or to refill prescriptions... But she's my support system right now. She can't lash out on me on bad days. I'm recovering. I'm going to recover. And it will be despite what she or anybody else says. It will be because of me. I'm staying strong.


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## Meyeen (Jun 23, 2013)

coco6996 said:


> I'm recovering. I'm going to recover. And it will be despite what she or anybody else says. It will be because of me. I'm staying strong.


That is a really important insight you've had, and please keep it in mind because it is true. I'm really glad for you, that you wrote that.


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