# Here is my story PLEASE HELP



## DIFFERENTDENA (Nov 28, 2007)

So here is my story. Im about to be 19, when i was 16 i was diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome. Ever since then i have been going to a counsler on and off, they gave me medicines for depression but i always thought i was ok so i didnt take them. I smoked pot every day for 3 years. Never EVER had a problem with it. One day in May of this year i was riding around smoking w/ two of my friends and i started feelin really weird like out of my mind, not the usual high. I told my friends i didnt feel good and started freakin out on them thinkin my heart was gonna beat out of my chest and finally in about 10 min i went into a full blown panic attack. At the time i didnt know what it was. I just thought i was dyin so i made my friend take me to the hospital. They told me it was a panic attack and i would be ok. 
I was afraid to smoke after that day because i didnt want to go into an attack it was the worst feeling in the world. 3 weeks later my friends were smokin and talked me into smokin with them and guess what... the same thing happened. This time they just took me home. I have not touched it since that day and never will again. This time the panic didnt go away it staid with me for a week, i wasnt myself, i couln do anything but set at home. I graduated high school durin this week and im amazed i even made it through that.
I went to the doc 4 days after the panic attack and told him what was goin on (i couldn function because i was afraid of having an attack) He gave me prozac to take daily and xanax to take when i was havin an attack. I started takin the prozac but i started to feel normal again like i didnt need it so i stopped takin it in the middle of June. From then to the begining of october i would get just a few spurts of anxiety never had a full blown attack. 
I started working a second job part time at wal mart in the afternoon and kept my day job in an office. When i started workin at wal mart i was ok but i would get anxious if i wasnt busy. I had to drive about 20 miles to get to work and one day it was raining and my mind was racing like crazy i was so worried about wrecking and somethin was gonna go wrong at work. I literally worried myself into a panic attack i had to pull over and make my grandparents come get me and take me home. Ever since that day i have not been the same.
I quit Wal mart the next day because i was so afraid i would go and have an anxiety attack while i was checking out a customer and no one would know what to do. I still work at my office job because im the only person there except for my two bosses and they understand that if i have an attack i might not be able to work and they know what say if i have one. My family doctor is sending me to a specialist becuase he cant help me anymore he says.That is 13 days away though and i just need some comfort to get me through till then.
This past Saturday i staid at home ALL day. my boyfriend wanted us to go out to eat with another couple that night. We do this all the time but for some reason i was scared to death to go. When i was in the shower it felt like i wasnt even here. It was like a dream. I started cryin because i hate that feeling. I stopped crying before i came out of the bathroom so my boyfriend wouldnt know. (he knows about my anxiety but he doesnt understand it we have been together for a yr. and 1/2 and he thinks im still the same as i was before because i dont want anyone to know when i dont feel right...... they just tell me its all in my head and i worry to much) so anyways i was dryin my hair and my boyfrind got in the shower. I was settin there thinking how am i suppose to interact with our friends if i dont even feel like im in this world!! I started to freak and cry again so i ran to my moms room and told her what was goin on. I told her i think i need to be in a mental hospital because of how i felt. Hearin her voice and her tell me i was ok (plus takin a xanax) made me feel better. I wasnt freakin out anymore but i was still nervous. On the way to go pick up our friends i hit my peak i told my b/f to take us back home that i couldnt do it i felt like i was in a dream and didnt want to be around people. He got mad because i didnt say somethin to him earlier about it but he did take us home. As soon as i got here i went straight to sleep (sometimes i would just rather sleep all day then have that feelin) 
The next day i woke up fine. I told my boyfriend that i wanted to go out to eat that night just to prove to myself that i could without dyin or freakin out. I went that whole day without havin to take a xanax, the first time in a month or so. We ate at a small resturant with not a lot of people, i did get a lil anxious but i convinced myself everything was ok. When we left i decided to let him drive my car because i get that "dream" feeling a lot when i drive and i hadnt had to take a xanax and didnt want to.
Well on the way home we got on the highway and a deer RAN INTO US yes INTO US on my side of the car goin 70mph. SO much for not takin a xanax that day. This sent me into a total panic. My car was almost totaled but we are alive (thank God i let him drive we would both be dead)
That was Sunday now its Tuesday and I still have this dream feelin until i take my xanax and it gets a little better. When i have this "dream" feelin and i talk to people its like im talkin but they arent hearing or somethin its just WEIRD! 
Now if you managed to read all of this please please please give me some info to blow me over till i see the doctor in 13 days. Is there anyway to snap yourself out of it and how should i deal with it at work??? I just need somone i can relate to on this. Thanks


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## PPPP (Nov 26, 2006)

Howdy and welcome!

I hope you're doing ok. 
Car accidents can be very traumatic.
Until you can get to see your doctor, there is alot of advice on this site for how to cope. 
Different things work for different people.
You may want to try some breathing exercises or other anxiety reducing techniques to help you get through this.
and be nice to yourself!


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## 13erger (Jun 11, 2007)

I'm sorry to hear of your plight. It's very scary and difficult when you first get DP/DR. I did alot of the same things you did, minus panic attacks. I would have anxiety attacks. Which is basically a mild panic attack that lasts weeks. I would stop eating and just feel sick and really confused and scared. But i wouldn't usually outburst with panic, its different person to person. You just have to remember that DP/DR is caused from anxiety. You'll slowly start to feel better. Mine was induced from marijuana as well. I felt totally hopeless, like I had ruined my life or something. It's gotten to a point for me though that I feel as though im cured from the terrors of DP/DR. I only have it when im really stressed out, or underslept. This is normal I think. It doesn't really bother me at all. Infact, I occasionally smoke marijuanna every now and then, and suffer no negative effects. Just giving you a sense of how " cured " I am. Things DO get better, feel free to IM me with any questions or anything. my name is x5h4n3grla. Feel better.


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## Allikat84 (Jan 23, 2008)

Hey, my name is Allison. I live in waterville, maine. I know exactly what you are going throuh. I have been living with depersonalization off and on for years. When I went to school at job corps, it would get to the point where I couldn't recognize people. my best friends were aliens, demons. I didnt know what was wrong with me. i thought i was dying. things seemed so unreal, like a dream. color seemed to get darker and things louder, my best friend there didnt seemed to understand. you are not alone. I didnt relaize what this was until this past year when i was living in mars hill. i was constantly feeling out of my body, that is the only way i could describe it. I literally thought that if I did something wrong my soul would come out of my body and never be able to get back to it. it seemed sometimes like it was the end of a movie, with all the credits playing. i thought i was dead half the time, like i was a ghost. time was distorted, it would go in slow motion, sometimes, seconds would seem like minutes. i was always blacking out. my worse point was before and while i was taking an antipsychotic invega. I went off of it but i started to get well again. i kept having to tell myslef, i am here, i am not still in another room. my soul is still here. if you haveany questions just respond.


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