# dp fucked me hard



## arilevy (Oct 23, 2011)

I would like to start off by saying that i've been looking around for a week now and although i still feel like complete shit its nice to know im not the only one in hell. Im a 17 year old boy who's never had any anxiety or depression problems. Pretty much had an amazing life I can see that now that its vanished.

Soooo heres my story i'll try to make it as short as possible

I was traveling through Israel with my closest friends that ive pretty much known all my life. We decided to go clubbing on Friday July 15th. the night began with a hit of nitrous oxide which was my first time doing and i felt completely fine after it. We then began making our way to the bars in the city which ended up being a rough night of drinking which ended up in me blacking out and puking, but it happened so quickly that i am convinced to this day that there was a drug in my drink. my memory of that night pretty much ends in a taxi on the way back to one of my buddy's house. The next morning i wake up and things are just off. I recognized everybody but i had lost all emotional connection i had with them, i was in a dream. confused and scared i shook it off thinking it was a hangover and continued throughout my day feeling confused and dreamy i remember water even tasted differently. this dream feeling continued on and off for days with headaches, dizziness, detachment, couldnt hear my thoughts etc.. and what i think was anxiety but im not quite sure. I had my mom fly me back home i dont even know how i made it through the airport i was very disoriented. Back home nothing changed except now i had this ominous feeling everywhere i went and the dream like state along with tunnel vision and insomnia. I felt like i was looking at the world through a veil. i was taken to a neurologist and the MRI's EEG's blood tests were all fine obviously. i was then taken to a psychiatrist where she fed me klonopin which made the feelings worse when i finally decided that suicide was the only way out i was put in a psych ward where i was only fed more drugs to the point where i was dumbed down to the point i couldnt even talk.

After surgeries, ( to go into my spinal fluid for any disease)more MRI's and blood tests i was finally sent back home still no diagnosis. its been 3 weeks since i was released from the hospital and although my hopes have changed for the better i still suffer from emotional numbing, brain fog, detachment, but reality is still intact i just dont have a personality anymore i dont know where he is i used to be sociable had tons of friends good grades in school well liked but now i have become an antisocial hypochndriac that cant even keep up a conversation because im so out of it oh and my time is completely off. i forgot what reality feels like, lost my girlfriend ( cant feel anything sexually either), my family is devestated and im causing so much stress to everybody. i dropped out of school because i couldnt keep up with what used to be so easy my life has shattered into pieces.

So thats pretty much it sorry if i sound whiny its just well you know what it feels like. id like to point out that yes this all was drug induced but unlike many of the other members here i did not have a bad trip i just woke up feeling this way and nothings been right since. i just wanted to get my story out there to help me feel better and if anybody would like to comment feel free. stay hopeful out there. later


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## yeahbuddy (Oct 24, 2011)

My only advice is not let dp take over your life ... When you do this,the dp gets bigger and you get smaller. Accept it. I know its hell but you have to take back over. other than that just excercise get rest and find some alternitive remedies and supplements that work for you. 
God bless


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## baking_pineapple (Apr 27, 2011)

wow, DP really did fuck you hard... you need to rest and ease your way back into reality; join support groups, discuss these issue with people who can relate; trauma-survivors of all sorts are usually sympathetic... space and time are the only two healers


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## Walkingzombie (Jul 7, 2011)

DP's fucked me pretty hard too dude. You're definitely not the only one who feels like he doesn't have a personality. My personality is absolutely non existent nowadays. I used to funny, sociable, quick witted, and had a natural charm. Now all of that is completely gone. I can't talk to my friends and family because I can't hear my thoughts like you described. I literally don't have thoughts anymore. No opinions on everything and anything. I can't string together two sentences in my head to even begin thinking about how I'm going to get out of this hole I've dug for myself. Both my parents are so supportive, but almost to the point that I wish they weren't because I don't want to disappoint them when I don't heal. I coming up on my one year anniversary with this thing and I'm guaranteed a few more years to come. I really don't know much I can take it. My school work is suffering and I'm only taking one class right now. I'm 19 years old, live at home, commute to college, and haven't made a friend at college yet because I don't talk to anyone. Even if people talk to me I typically don't even respond because I have no idea what to say. I wonder how I even made conversation before this because I haven't had a real conversation with someone in months.


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## LuckyBreak (Oct 31, 2011)

Man, i do know how you feel. Once my DP kicked in, it became so hard to talk to people because i had no emotions and had to fake them, but the best thing i can recommend is to just try to go on with your life as normal as possible and ignore the DP as much as u can. and at least fake your way through a conversation.If u continually concentrate on the Depersonalization, it will only gfet worse from spending so much time thinking about it. Ive noticed that the more i just try to go on with my life and ignore DP, the less i notice it , if i am keeping busy. And the good thing is that people cant tell something is wrong w. you since its a mental thing and not physical. But you also shouldnt have to hide it. Ive told friends and family , and even tho they dont 100% understand, they are always supportive and just want what is best for you. I wish u the best and i hope this helped.


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## skyrise (Sep 5, 2012)

A bit late to this party (like, a year!) but I totally sympathize with everything I just read..I got DP (or derealization, or both) when I was 19 because I smoked way too much weed for years and years, had an eating issue, etc. When it first happened I was pretty much a vegetable. I was bed-ridden for 4 months and had insomnia, couldn't keep my eyes open, and the entire world felt far away, distant, and I could care less about what people were doing or saying because i had nothing left in me to give.

Well, it's been 7 years and I JUST TODAY found out that this ugly disorder is what I have!!!! I don't know why my therapist didn't listen to me when I kept telling her I feel, she just kept me in therapy for 6 years (and even the shrink she DID send me to told me I had a 'massive depressive episode' - yea, thanks.) The neurologist I saw told me I was 'textbook eating disorder' - I hate doctors.

I managed to get married, have a kid, get my master's degree, all with depersonalization/derealization. Mind you, this was after having to be single for 5 years because i was such a lifeless dud, and having to take a year off school in between my sophomore and junior years because I was bedridden. You have to just be positive and know that you aren't nuts, there are people who know how you feel.

All this stuff people say to try has never crossed my mind. There are drugs like naloxone and klonopin, and vitamin B and magnesium supplements that make a difference for some people.

Consult a knowledgable psychiatrist that specializes in disassociative disorders and try some kind of Rx, whether it is an anti depressant, an anti-anxiety, or some kind of combination. Good luck!!


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## Guest (Sep 5, 2012)

Jesus loves you.


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