# Starting to lose it



## Mlags45 (Apr 30, 2010)

I'm really getting fed up with all of this shit. It's been a whole year and I've really waited it out. It's gotten better but I feel I will never feel the same again. I try to get angry to get said to get happy but I just see myself. I look at myself from outside so it's impossible to be in touch with myself. I'm 18 years old and I want to go out and enjoy being a teenager. I've lost almost all of my friends because of this and I can't get them back. None of my friends understand what I'm going through. I'm just known as that kid who lost it. I'm a musician and I had so many dreams of where I wanted to go in the future and all the things I wanted to do with my life. Now my head is filled with absolutely nothing. I remember my head being filled with stuff all the time. The random thoughts were not usually relative to where I was but they kept me grounded in a way. None of my memories feel like they're my own and every single day feels the fucking same! wake up..hear the birds outside, think about my existence, wonder if there's a god, eat, go to sleep. It's like I see every little thing. nothing effects me. My grandpa died and I was the only one there who felt nothing at all..which was awkward to say the least. All because of this one time I smoked. My reality and my identity crumbled. Everything looked strange and I couldn't recognize anything. I'll be going for a run and I forget what street i'm on and it's like im in a different fucking country! I'm sorry for cursing so much but it's kind of making me feel better. I started getting into spirituality. bad idea. I already lost my sense of self and this book, "the power of now" by eckhart tolle just made me feel more out of my body and out of touch with myself. I just feel like i've lost my personality and my dreams which is the worst thing that could ever happen. All i do is ponder when i'm going to die and if there's a god, why i'm here etc. I will definitely never smoke again because that just completely pushed me over the edge. All my confidence is gone and I don't know where im going. i feel like i'm in limbo. Has anyone ever gotten themselves back. I try to think of how I look, certain qualities i have to hold on to but it just fades away back to the numbness. Looking into peoples eyes is also the worst, everything about people just scares me. I feel like i've fallen off the edge and can't get back up. Where do I go from here? it's not like this is something I can work out by thinking. Seems like I just have to wait it out. And yes, i've "distracted myself" to keep busy.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Mlags45 said:


> I'm really getting fed up with all of this shit. It's been a whole year and I've really waited it out. It's gotten better but I feel I will never feel the same again. I try to get angry to get said to get happy but I just see myself. I look at myself from outside so it's impossible to be in touch with myself. I'm 18 years old and I want to go out and enjoy being a teenager. I've lost almost all of my friends because of this and I can't get them back. None of my friends understand what I'm going through. I'm just known as that kid who lost it. I'm a musician and I had so many dreams of where I wanted to go in the future and all the things I wanted to do with my life. Now my head is filled with absolutely nothing. I remember my head being filled with stuff all the time. The random thoughts were not usually relative to where I was but they kept me grounded in a way. None of my memories feel like they're my own and every single day feels the fucking same! wake up..hear the birds outside, think about my existence, wonder if there's a god, eat, go to sleep. It's like I see every little thing. nothing effects me. My grandpa died and I was the only one there who felt nothing at all..which was awkward to say the least. All because of this one time I smoked. My reality and my identity crumbled. Everything looked strange and I couldn't recognize anything. I'll be going for a run and I forget what street i'm on and it's like im in a different fucking country! I'm sorry for cursing so much but it's kind of making me feel better. I started getting into spirituality. bad idea. I already lost my sense of self and this book, "the power of now" by eckhart tolle just made me feel more out of my body and out of touch with myself. I just feel like i've lost my personality and my dreams which is the worst thing that could ever happen. All i do is ponder when i'm going to die and if there's a god, why i'm here etc. I will definitely never smoke again because that just completely pushed me over the edge. All my confidence is gone and I don't know where im going. i feel like i'm in limbo. Has anyone ever gotten themselves back. I try to think of how I look, certain qualities i have to hold on to but it just fades away back to the numbness. Looking into peoples eyes is also the worst, everything about people just scares me. I feel like i've fallen off the edge and can't get back up. Where do I go from here? it's not like this is something I can work out by thinking. Seems like I just have to wait it out. And yes, i've "distracted myself" to keep busy.


I'm pretty much in the same situation at this moment, so I guess I'll just make your post mine and wait for some positive answers


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## Guest013 (Apr 26, 2010)

I felt that way for 2 months. My symptoms have gradually gotten better (especially when I'm around other people and busy). Now I have entire days without DP/DR and the only real symptom I have on bad days is minor brain fog. I have feeling back and am starting to enjoy life again. You will get better! Just put yourself out there and get busy (even if it doesn't feel good at first).


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Guest013 said:


> I felt that way for 2 months. My symptoms have gradually gotten better (especially when I'm around other people and busy). Now I have entire days without DP/DR and the only real symptom I have on bad days is minor brain fog. I have feeling back and am starting to enjoy life again. You will get better! Just put yourself out there and get busy (even if it doesn't feel good at first).


That's the only thing I haven't tried yet, going out and get busy, atleast the past few days... I always think of that as my "desperate choice" , like something I can always do if I reach the limit, because I'm afraid that it won't work, that even if I go out and get busy that I still have this, maybe I should just do it and see what happens


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## Guest013 (Apr 26, 2010)

PositiveThinking! said:


> That's the only thing I haven't tried yet, going out and get busy, atleast the past few days... I always think of that as my "desperate choice" , like something I can always do if I reach the limit, because I'm afraid that it won't work, that even if I go out and get busy that I still have this, maybe I should just do it and see what happens


You should try it. The only time I get DP/DR now is when I'm alone for extended periods of time.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Guest013 said:


> You should try it. The only time I get DP/DR now is when I'm alone for extended periods of time.


Yep that's me.. home alone being bored, feeding my DP with constant boredom or fears


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## troy (Apr 28, 2010)

Mlags45 said:


> I'm really getting fed up with all of this shit. It's been a whole year and I've really waited it out. It's gotten better but I feel I will never feel the same again. I try to get angry to get said to get happy but I just see myself. I look at myself from outside so it's impossible to be in touch with myself. I'm 18 years old and I want to go out and enjoy being a teenager. I've lost almost all of my friends because of this and I can't get them back. None of my friends understand what I'm going through. I'm just known as that kid who lost it. I'm a musician and I had so many dreams of where I wanted to go in the future and all the things I wanted to do with my life. Now my head is filled with absolutely nothing. I remember my head being filled with stuff all the time. The random thoughts were not usually relative to where I was but they kept me grounded in a way. None of my memories feel like they're my own and every single day feels the fucking same! wake up..hear the birds outside, think about my existence, wonder if there's a god, eat, go to sleep. It's like I see every little thing. nothing effects me. My grandpa died and I was the only one there who felt nothing at all..which was awkward to say the least. All because of this one time I smoked. My reality and my identity crumbled. Everything looked strange and I couldn't recognize anything. I'll be going for a run and I forget what street i'm on and it's like im in a different fucking country! I'm sorry for cursing so much but it's kind of making me feel better. I started getting into spirituality. bad idea. I already lost my sense of self and this book, "the power of now" by eckhart tolle just made me feel more out of my body and out of touch with myself. I just feel like i've lost my personality and my dreams which is the worst thing that could ever happen. All i do is ponder when i'm going to die and if there's a god, why i'm here etc. I will definitely never smoke again because that just completely pushed me over the edge. All my confidence is gone and I don't know where im going. i feel like i'm in limbo. Has anyone ever gotten themselves back. I try to think of how I look, certain qualities i have to hold on to but it just fades away back to the numbness. Looking into peoples eyes is also the worst, everything about people just scares me. I feel like i've fallen off the edge and can't get back up. Where do I go from here? it's not like this is something I can work out by thinking. Seems like I just have to wait it out. And yes, i've "distracted myself" to keep busy.


dude, i´m there with you. so sick and tired of this feeling and it just seems to get worse, nothing works and i´ve tried everything and worst of all there´s almost no way to explain this horrible feeling, the symptoms are so generic it doesn´t matter who you talk to about it they just won´t get it. The only conclusion i´ve come to is to keep plodding forward, keep going after what were my dreams, even if I can´t feel anything and nothing has significance you have to just keep going, keep fighting, I won´t let this crap ruin me, someday, one day we will feel better again but for now it´s one day at a time, just keep moving forward.


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## xxcdawg (Nov 10, 2009)

I've been dealing with DR since late October & I had a week break from it in December after taking antibiotics for an ear infection & mouth infection. But after that, it came back. Some days it bothers me a lot, but I've learned to live with it for the most part. I can drive now with less anxiety. Yeah places & people seem strange & shit, but I'm so used to being like this it doesn't phase me anymore. As I'm typing this, everything seems unreal, but I know its not. Yeah I wish I went back to normal, but if not then okay, I'm used to it.


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