# Depersonalization has made me obsessed with death and my own mortality



## Skynet (Jan 21, 2005)

Ever since I became depersonalized I can't stop thinking about death. I don't want to die and it's definitely something that I would like to avoid. It scares me like crazy. But it's on my mind every minute of the day. Maybe this is why I remain stuck. Six months after my dad passed away I became depersonalized. I have't been back to normal since. Can anybody else relate?


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## Morgane.N (Feb 10, 2013)

Yes I was too , and obsessed about my relatives' death . My father has a pancreas cancer and , some months ago , I felt very depressed because I started to asking myself seriously about : after his death , where is he going to go ? Why will he become ? Nothing ? And I cried a lot . But it is gone away  . Death is part of life we have to accept it . It is nature .

Why do I have to be afraid of death whereas I do not dare to live ?

I do not ask myself about death or philosophical or existencial thoughts anymore , not simply because it can hurt , but because , even if you think and obsess about it , you will never have the answer . It could sound more stressful lol , but it is not . I have accepted Life how it is . And I do not try to explain it anymore or do not try to explain why I am here and who I am , because we have to live , not to question .

I do not say that you have , or that it is better to live without thinking about these important existencial thoughts , but we have to accept to no have the answers , and let go  .

I think that you feel DP because your father's death disturbed you in depth . My psychiatrist said that it is normal to feel this in front of trauma , like a relative's death ! Totally normal because this event totally recalled you into question about everything , and it made you do a strong introspection , that could be very disturbing . It is totally normal , and maybe it is because of a depression too , and it is totally normal too , because it is a difficult event .

Do not worry my friend , everything is going to be better soon , take time . I think that you are simply in mourning .

I give you a big hug and send you Love .

You know what , my psy told me that I was mourning in advance my father's death , and that is why I felt this way . It is difficult to accept . But I think it is the truth .


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## Morgane.N (Feb 10, 2013)

Watch this video , I think it could help you  . In any case , it helped me A LOT . Share .


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## peanut butter (Nov 9, 2012)

You don't fear death, you fear that you'll regret wasting your life.


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## Skynet (Jan 21, 2005)

That's interesting. I actually think I'm afraid of both.


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## Guest (Mar 17, 2013)

I feel the same fear occasionally. A few thoughts have made me feel better about it:

Really an afterlife is just as likely as non-existence after death as there is no proof of either, but if non-existence is it, then would you mind returning to a time like before you were born? Would you feel it? Would you fear it? Would you care? You simply weren't, so you wouldn't. There's always the "Well, I guess I'll know when I get there" thought which I find is a good one to have in mind. Cross that bridge when you come to it  another thought is that you, and your father, and everybody else, do not go away. We are recycled, we become the earth, the plants, other lives. When we die, our physical form does "live on" but it is transformed into this bird and that tree. Everything is everything, technically our physical body was never unique to us, just borrowed. Borrowed from the universe. As the scientists say, we are all stardust. We will always be in the universe. Another idea is that the actual energy within us is released into the universe when we die, as energy always needs a place to go. When you think about it, nothing about death seems bad. There is nothing I can conceive in my head that could be truthful and negative when it comes to death, other than walking around in an eternal abyss with a consciousness, which in all honesty doesn't seem too likely compared to everything else! You may also like to read about near death experiences here (if that kind of thing reassures you): http://www.nderf.org/

I would also urge you to research other people's opinions too, in order to gain your own on this. If this has been bugging you for so long, (like it had me) you need to just face it and read about it. Then, once you have found something that makes sense to you, you have an idea that you can carry with you and every times thought about death comes up, refer to it. And then just go out and live. Life is short, we may only have one, so once you've faced this you can throw your hands up and live like you mean it.


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## MIndfAEL (Mar 13, 2012)

ya i can relate. i get existential thoughts out the ass its so soul-consuming. recently its gotten worse cause my roomie made me watch vids on bestgore of people violently dying like its nothing. and it made me think like wtf we can just die any second nothings stopping it


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## Morgane.N (Feb 10, 2013)

Yes we can die at any second like you say , but that makes life so important : we are mortal and have to accept it , we are going to get hold and die , but whatever , enjoy life even if it could be difficult sometimes with DR/DR but realize that there are people who fight daily with cancer , people who fight for learn to walk again or speak after an accident or a coma , realize that all these people have the passion for life in them and we have to be humble and shut the fuck up and learn !

Yes these impressions suck , but they are only impressions ! It is only a TEMPORARY situation !

*Face your fears and let it go ! *


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## Keith66 (Mar 31, 2013)

I'm going through the same thing Skynet. I'm obsessing over it, and I can't get the thought out of my head. I feel okay for only slivers of time, but it comes back. I think I am more afraid of the fear this is causing me to feel. I am afraid of the anxiety and being like this forever.

I just started some meds and I hope they help with these existential anxieties.


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## gasspanicc (Mar 21, 2012)

i think its normal with dp, just gotta keep riding the wave yo, makes you wonder what non existence is really like to, i woukld like to experience it for like 10 min LOL.


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