# who am i !??!



## jensen1010 (Mar 31, 2016)

I personally believe loss of personal idenity , and lack of emotion are the two worst symptoms !!!!


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## Blueyellowred23 (Apr 1, 2016)

To me, the lack of emotion isn't the worst but the loss of personal identity is definitely hard. For the last few weeks, I can't tell you who I am, what I'm suffering from, or if I'm even really here. That's the hardest part. All we can do is just ride it out until it goes away.


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## mjones (Mar 26, 2016)

that shit goes away, I'm recovered my man. trust me, I know how you feel.


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## Billy D.P. (Apr 12, 2016)

Agreed about this being one of the worst symptoms. I didn't have this before I had my recent breakdown but after that I've had a lot of problems with looking in the mirror and identity. For me it's as if I have a lot of different versions of myself sort of on shuffle throughout the day. I can go long stretches where I feel good, like I'm getting back to normal, then I'll have short periods where it's as if my brain is rapid cycling through the different stages of myself that I've been throughout my life. It's pretty tough but I feel as long as I remain healthy that in time this should level out... I hope.


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## vanuti vetru (Sep 7, 2015)

Billy D.P. said:


> Agreed about this being one of the worst symptoms. I didn't have this before I had my recent breakdown but after that I've had a lot of problems with looking in the mirror and identity. For me it's as if I have a lot of different versions of myself sort of on shuffle throughout the day. I can go long stretches where I feel good, like I'm getting back to normal, then I'll have short periods where it's as if my brain is rapid cycling through the different stages of myself that I've been throughout my life. It's pretty tough but I feel as long as I remain healthy that in time this should level out... I hope.


Same here, like a wild rollercoaster through different regions of my own personality and mind, without me being able to comprehend the totality of it and make sense of what is experienced.

It does level out, however. I've been much better recently that i was several months ago. Golden rule is to be patient and avoid things which will make it worse (drugs, excessive stress, obsessive fighting etc.)


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## CharlieFreak (Nov 19, 2012)

Yes these are absolutely difficult things to "experience." I can tell you though, which was and still is an important realization I came to, is that I never lost my identity or my emotions. Try to think about this rationally. Do you really think it's possible for someone to just randomly lose their identity, or randomly lose their emotions. Does something just click in someone's brain that makes this happen? That is such a false (but believable) thought to have. I experienced identity loss. Fuck, I walked around for months wondering who I was, what I believed in, questioning my interests, my relationships, my personality, my sexuality, EVERYTHING. It was exhausting. Then I slowly realized, "Jesus, I am doing this to myself." But then when I felt like, "Okay things are fine lets go out and be me," something felt off, and I got frustrated. I still didn't feel that my interests resonated with me anymore. And what is the easiest thing to assume when this happens? "Well, I guess I am fucked, and I really did lose myself, and DP won."

But taking a step back, I can now recognize what happened here. And these are things that are very rarely discussed on this website. Emotions are an extremely important thing when it comes to relating to other people, to our environment, etc. I, for example, don't really enjoy metal music. None of my friends listen to it either. But in extreme DP moments, the music that I loved didn't give me the same feelings anymore. This is because EVERYTHING that provokes emotions and memories (music, films, places, sounds, etc.) remind us of who we are, things that have happened to us. The thing you need to ask yourself is why can't you connect with things that make you you. Things that make you unique. If you were able to connect with these things with certainty, you would not have DP.


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## brill (Apr 17, 2016)

anybody have small reconnection moments?....even one or two seconds long?


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## Billy D.P. (Apr 12, 2016)

ghostly said:


> anybody have small reconnection moments?....even one or two seconds long?


Yes, I know what you're talking about. They're very fleeting though. But I think as you calm your nerves, get in touch with your body (yoga has worked wonders for me), get proper sleep, these moments will grow and grow until eventually you'll feel more stable.

This has been my experience, but I'm still in the heat of it though.


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## missthing29 (May 14, 2017)

CharlieFreak said:


> Yes these are absolutely difficult things to "experience." I can tell you though, which was and still is an important realization I came to, is that I never lost my identity or my emotions. Try to think about this rationally. Do you really think it's possible for someone to just randomly lose their identity, or randomly lose their emotions. Does something just click in someone's brain that makes this happen? That is such a false (but believable) thought to have. I experienced identity loss. Fuck, I walked around for months wondering who I was, what I believed in, questioning my interests, my relationships, my personality, my sexuality, EVERYTHING. It was exhausting. Then I slowly realized, "Jesus, I am doing this to myself." But then when I felt like, "Okay things are fine lets go out and be me," something felt off, and I got frustrated. I still didn't feel that my interests resonated with me anymore. And what is the easiest thing to assume when this happens? "Well, I guess I am fucked, and I really did lose myself, and DP won."
> 
> But taking a step back, I can now recognize what happened here. And these are things that are very rarely discussed on this website. Emotions are an extremely important thing when it comes to relating to other people, to our environment, etc. I, for example, don't really enjoy metal music. None of my friends listen to it either. But in extreme DP moments, the music that I loved didn't give me the same feelings anymore. This is because EVERYTHING that provokes emotions and memories (music, films, places, sounds, etc.) remind us of who we are, things that have happened to us. The thing you need to ask yourself is why can't you connect with things that make you you. Things that make you unique. If you were able to connect with these things with certainty, you would not have DP.


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## missthing29 (May 14, 2017)

CharlieFreak said:


> Yes these are absolutely difficult things to "experience." I can tell you though, which was and still is an important realization I came to, is that I never lost my identity or my emotions. Try to think about this rationally. Do you really think it's possible for someone to just randomly lose their identity, or randomly lose their emotions. Does something just click in someone's brain that makes this happen? That is such a false (but believable) thought to have. I experienced identity loss. Fuck, I walked around for months wondering who I was, what I believed in, questioning my interests, my relationships, my personality, my sexuality, EVERYTHING. It was exhausting. Then I slowly realized, "Jesus, I am doing this to myself." But then when I felt like, "Okay things are fine lets go out and be me," something felt off, and I got frustrated. I still didn't feel that my interests resonated with me anymore. And what is the easiest thing to assume when this happens? "Well, I guess I am fucked, and I really did lose myself, and DP won."
> 
> But taking a step back, I can now recognize what happened here. And these are things that are very rarely discussed on this website. Emotions are an extremely important thing when it comes to relating to other people, to our environment, etc. I, for example, don't really enjoy metal music. None of my friends listen to it either. But in extreme DP moments, the music that I loved didn't give me the same feelings anymore. This is because EVERYTHING that provokes emotions and memories (music, films, places, sounds, etc.) remind us of who we are, things that have happened to us. The thing you need to ask yourself is why can't you connect with things that make you you. Things that make you unique. If you were able to connect with these things with certainty, you would not have DP.


I love this


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