# I am becoming delusional...please help!



## 2deepathinker

How does one know one is delusional? I had too much time on my hands today waiting for my boyfriend, and not being in the best mindset, and I have freaked myself out. Can anyone help me?

When I get really anxious, I start to have worries that people will know things about me. I don't express the fears, but I worry about it. I also start to wonder a lot of what if scenarios like what if people can read my mind, and all this other shit.

Once in a while, I get a fear like what if people are in on something like: what if my therapist is in on something with someone else, yet I truly don't believe it. It more frightens me that I would think this way. I know it is irrational, but feeling so unreal and not familiar makes me think a lot of strange thoughts.

Does this sound like psychosis? When I am relaxed, I feel more normal and don't think things like that. Please help!!! Thanks!

I am so worried that it will only get worse. Maybe it will, but I just needed to share it first here before seeing a psychiatrist.


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## insaticiable

mourningdovespirit said:


> Once in a while, I get a fear like what if people are in on something like: what if my therapist is in on something with someone else, yet I truly don't believe it. It more frightens me that I would think this way. I know it is irrational, but feeling so unreal and not familiar makes me think a lot of strange thoughts.


My mother is delusional and has thoughts that the whole family is plotting against her...that they are up to something bad and that ''we'' as a family will throw her in jail or report her to the cops (she hasn't done anything). This does not frighten her and she does NOT think that it is irrational...in fact, she calls US crazy. I don't think my mom thinks anything is wrong with her...whenever someone tells her that she's being irrational or delusional, she just mocks that person. She has become angry and vicious towards her own mother and sister thinking they are teaming up behind her back to do something evil..(god knows what that is in her mind).

Please don't think you are delusional. You are not. You seem like you can distinguish that these are irrational thoughts.

To answer your question: How does one know that one is delusional? Simple answer: They don't.


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## feministcat

((hugs)) I know how you feel. Sounds just like the terrors of anxiety. It's exactly like insatiable said.. because you are worried about it and know those thoughts are irrational, you are not delusional. Anxiety definitely can make you feel those things you mentioned. Just tonight I was visiting with friends and trying my best just to relax and have fun, but I kept thinking "what if they could read my mind and see all this terror?" We just have intense rumination about these kinds of things and anxiety makes you monitor your thoughts and actions so much. So we can easily become paranoid about these kinds of things, but because we know it is irrational and they can't really read our minds, we are not delusional.


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## 2deepathinker

Oh, Insaticiable and Feministcat, thank you girls so much! I am so frightened that it could progress into something much worse. Right now, I am happy that I can distinguish between the thoughts, but I worry that it could get worse.

I have to tell you that when I am relaxed, I don't have any of those thoughts or fears. I sincerely believe it is the anxiety and constant, constant derealization that makes me start thinking a lot of frightening thoughts.

I don't think it will progress into anything worse.

Insaticiable, Thanks for sharing about your Mom. How old was she when this started?

Feministcat, I totally agree with you. I feel like I have so much terror inside, and I feel so vulnerable. I think this is what makes me feel the way I do.


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## insaticiable

mourningdovespirit said:


> Insaticiable, Thanks for sharing about your Mom. How old was she when this started?


No problem. She started becoming like this around January 2009, and while she is much better and able to interact with others normally now, she still harbors a lot of delusional thoughts...and all i feel i can do is agree with her. It's a little sad. She is on a cocktail of meds, but they don't really affect her that much. Oh, and she is 54.


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## EverDream

insaticiable said:


> To answer your question: How does one know that one is delusional? Simple answer: They don't.


You are right. My mom had paranoia, hallucinations , delusions... She never knew that something isn't right with her. It didn't even matter how much you tried to convience her that what she is thinking/seeing/hearing/etc isn't real- it didn't do any good. So you are not delusional at all.

Insaticiable, sorry to hear about your mom. I don't remember you mentioned anything like that.


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## 2deepathinker

EverDream said:


> You are right. My mom had paranoia, hallucinations , delusions... She never knew that something isn't right with her. It didn't even matter how much you tried to convience her that what she is thinking/seeing/hearing/etc isn't real- it didn't do any good. So you are not delusional at all.
> 
> Insaticiable, sorry to hear about your mom. I don't remember you mentioned anything like that.


Bless you Everdream. I have told a few people about it, and my boyfriend tries to calm me down by saying that I am having a "what if" thought which is not a delusion, but I sometimes can't tell the difference. What I do know is that my mind creates the thought and I get frightened both by the scenario and also the fact that I had the thought. It happens when I am stressed out. There is also doubt, and I am not convinced that my thought is the case. I think it is irrational since I don't know for sure. It just is a really stressful thing to go through. I worry a lot about psychosis, and it has a snowball effect making me more stressed out and have more stress producing symptoms. I just need to chill.


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## EverDream

mourningdovespirit said:


> Bless you Everdream. I have told a few people about it, and my boyfriend tries to calm me down by saying that I am having a "what if" thought which is not a delusion, but I sometimes can't tell the difference. What I do know is that my mind creates the thought and I get frightened both by the scenario and also the fact that I had the thought. It happens when I am stressed out. There is also doubt, and I am not convinced that my thought is the case. I think it is irrational since I don't know for sure. It just is a really stressful thing to go through. I worry a lot about psychosis, and it has a snowball effect making me more stressed out and have more stress producing symptoms. I just need to chill.


Yeah, I know what you are talking about. I think it's because of our obsessive thinking. We are already feel quite out off touch of reality because of DP, then our minds start to get scared how much further it can go. I have a lot of moments when I think I'm losing my mind and that my brain is going to stop working, things like that- and that's really scary. I also feel then there's a great chance it will happen. I still feel this way when thinking too much or feeling way way DP/DR. Still, 5 years later- my brain is still here. I think.


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## rosiem117

I often think the same types of things "what if they can read my mind?', "what if everyone is here to hurt me." , which lead to more and more paranoid thoughts, but we have to look at it for what it is, just a thought that we made up in our own mind that we can control and make go away. Like everyone else on here is saying, the fact that you even have to ask others if your are delisional is just proof that you are not... what we have to understand is DP/DR really is, is just anxious thoughts, nothing more. I mean really think about it? How did we all get like this in the first place? Just obbsessive thoughts, thats it. Distraction is key! Also one more thing, when you start to think "what if people are reading my mind, etc.?" just think to yourself, "how do i know they can even think what I am thinking and they just think they can?" or "how does this person know if someone else cant read thier thoughts, or is trying to harm them?" etc. theese little things help me get by, idk everyone is different. hope this helped and just hang in there. everything will be alright for all of us sufferers some day!


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## 2deepathinker

rosiem117 said:


> I often think the same types of things "what if they can read my mind?', "what if everyone is here to hurt me." , which lead to more and more paranoid thoughts, but we have to look at it for what it is, just a thought that we made up in our own mind that we can control and make go away. Like everyone else on here is saying, the fact that you even have to ask others if your are delisional is just proof that you are not... what we have to understand is DP/DR really is, is just anxious thoughts, nothing more. I mean really think about it? How did we all get like this in the first place? Just obbsessive thoughts, thats it. Distraction is key! Also one more thing, when you start to think "what if people are reading my mind, etc.?" just think to yourself, "how do i know they can even think what I am thinking and they just think they can?" or "how does this person know if someone else cant read thier thoughts, or is trying to harm them?" etc. theese little things help me get by, idk everyone is different. hope this helped and just hang in there. everything will be alright for all of us sufferers some day!


I love this so much! Thank you! You are right, I think my mind creates this. I am trying now to look at these thoughts as the result of extreme stress, but it is hard. The fact that I can tell the difference no matter how scary the thoughts are, indicate to me that it is a more sophisticated what if thought. My what if thoughts used to be "what if I faint or pass out in public". I am over that, now my mind is giving me scarier scenarios, and with the DP/DR...it feels truly believable as you can imagine because I can't feel where the familiar, calm part of me. Thank you so, so much!


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## rosiem117

yes our minds do create these things! our minds our so easily persuaded! It's so easy to believe these things in the moment but when I sit back and actually think about it, I'm like wait a min here? I just made this up so how could this be true? I certainly can't predict any of these things. you know what i mean? I downloaded this e-book and I think you should read it. It's called the DP Manual. This guy is fully recovered and talks about our symptoms and he couldnt have explained them any better! heres the link http://www.dpmanual.com/. It's $40 but it really helped me. If you dont want to pay the $40 he has a few free samples on his site. let me know what you think!


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