# Feel like I'm at my worse



## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Needing to vent 
Depersonalization has become worse alot worse 
Numb then to much emotions then back to numb there is no in between what so ever

I feel so far stuck inside my own self / head it's as if I'm completely alone in this abnormal world

I'm fully cut off from my life and everyone in it as if I'm some thing walking among everyone

The death of my loved one has triggered this instense madness, I accept that I kinda expected it but I'm so angry that I'm going though this bullshit . Why cant I grieve like a normal person . Instead I become more depersonalizated and messy aggggggggggggg.

Maybe this is it maybe I'm stuck like this forever , that's a scary thought yet doesnt really bother me so it's as if today right now this exact moment is it .

I want to be alone yet I dont ! 
I feel like running to get help but there isn't any !
I need to fight but what am I fighting !

There is like 1% hope or fight left it's been to long now how do I manage to keep going .
Fuck this !!!!!


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## Chava22611 (May 19, 2018)

Hey man sorry for the long reply since I usually don't go thru this forum but I feel you on that. I think everyone hits their rock bottom at some point and thus might be yours but don't it let keep you right there, we got a long life to live so let's get it back and live life to the fullest with this condition yet until we hit recovery. Maybe you need to stop cutting people off and socialize even more and talk to them about your problems venting can help you out as it does to me. Get your life back on track as much as you can and just live it one day at time. Prayers for you bro pm if you need someone to talk to


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## Tris1215 (Aug 6, 2018)

Hey I just wanted to post and say that I completely understand how you feel. I think I’ve htbmy rock bottom as well. The only thing I know for certain is that we can’t give up this fight. Yes ya hard and yes it makes you miserable, but there’s going to be a day where we all overcome this disease and are all happy again. If you need me simply just let me know and I’ll be here for you to talk to.


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Thank you for both the replies appreciated

I'm feeling slightly better today not in the dr or dp but my depression. 
It throws me a curve ball when the symptoms keep changing and then it drives my OCD more .


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