# Weird change in symptoms - still DP/DR?



## HeliX (Apr 21, 2010)

Hi all,

Last month or so I've been having the most awful symptoms of any problem I've had in my life. (My history is OCD, Depression, intrusive thoughts, Anxiety, Physical anxiety symptoms).

It's difficult to explain.

I feel like I don't understand things. Even mundane things like lunch, the passage of time, etc all feel like I don't understand or "know" what they are, which is exceptionally frightening.

I feel kinda like my brain is outside the world trying to work out what's going on inside the world. Like I'm not connected to my physical surroundings.

I feel like the world isn't real, or people aren't real, or I'm not real.

It feels like my hands and arms and limbs aren't mine, or aren't right, or don't make sense.

I'm absolutely petrified that it's something worse than DP/DR, or something far more serious.

It also causes my intrusive thoughts to spike up, which tend to be around fear of harming people. I had these all through university, psychologist said it was just OCD/anxiety combo.

Nothing looks "right" or how it's "supposed" to.

I feel like I'm going nuts.

It feels different from when I last had DP/DR and it was just feelings of unreality, it feels like there's a fundamental change in the world, or my head, or something. I don't know.

Movements don't feel natural or like they're me, nothing looks as I remember.

I get anxiety about feeling like I don't know who my girlfriend is, or that I've never met her before and need to run away. (Which was particularly horrible on a recent holiday).

I'm currently taking Risperidone but it doesn't seem to be doing anything (have tried it for 2months) so I'm going to ask a doc if I can come off it because it's not worth the risk of side effects.

Can anyone relate to these feelings? Ugh. I just don't understand how I can feel this bad for this long and not have something much more serious wrong with my mind.


----------



## HeliX (Apr 21, 2010)

Thank you. You have no idea how reassuring that is. Well no, you probably have every idea how reassuring it is to find out someone feels the same way as you.

I guess I gotta get on with it. I'm eating better than I used to, I'm doing more exercise than I used to.

I swear if this was something you could take out of your body and fight like a real man...


----------



## HeliX (Apr 21, 2010)

It's difficult to ignore DP/DR when it makes you fearful that it's something more sinister, or that you're going to do something dumb/horrible/violent because you don't feel like it's you doing your actions. Which leads you to focus on it, and how you think you "used" to feel, which just makes you more depersonalised. Ugh. It's difficult to comprehend that I can feel this disconnected and like the world isn't real and it not be something more serious than DP/DR.


----------



## HeliX (Apr 21, 2010)

Anyone have any tips for ignoring this when you're terrified that you're going nuts, or that you'll never get back to normal, or that the world isn't real and this feeling is all there is now, or you keep getting reminded of how you would "used" to feel, or how you don't feel like you react right to normal stuff anymore?


----------



## HeliX (Apr 21, 2010)

Aaand I just nearly had a panic attack putting a lid on the plastic box I use for my lunch at work because it felt so not real and like it didn't make sense and like no objects I interact with are real


----------



## HeliX (Apr 21, 2010)

Think I'm doing a better job of letting the thoughts pass now, but I still feel very odd and like the world isn't real.

I struggle when I realise how different I feel to how I used to in any situation/doing an action/thinking about anything. Feels like I fall straight back down as soon as that happens.

I'm also struggling to remember that there is something other than this. Something to get better to.

Anyone else?


----------



## Guest (Mar 10, 2013)

HeliX said:


> Think I'm doing a better job of letting the thoughts pass now, but I still feel very odd and like the world isn't real.
> I struggle when I realise how different I feel to how I used to in any situation/doing an action/thinking about anything. Feels like I fall straight back down as soon as that happens.
> 
> I'm also struggling to remember that there is something other than this. Something to get better to.
> ...


Hey heliX,
It's easy to get into the cycle of fearing how we feel and what we think. I think you are simply adding too much importance to these thoughts and that's why the cycle continues. If we accept our disturbing thoughts then soon enough, they starve, and you then realise that they were all meaningless.

I though I would C&P a couple of answers I made on another thread about managing our thoughts. Sorry if it's a bit lazy but I believe it's 100% relevant  :

"These are obsessive, intrusive thoughts that happen because you are still in a sensitised state. If you just let them be there, knowing that the thoughts are not you and they mean nothing (they are your mind searching for a threat - it can't find one so it makes things up!) then they will eventually leave you. You have to carry on with your day despite them and just know that every disturbing thought is simply a little anxiety flare-up. It's your body saying to you "hey, I'm still sensitised, and you're still searching for a threat, so here's a good one for you!: People are aliens. Yeah? Scared of that? Thought you would be! Good. Now I have a job to do."

You usually get these thoughts about things that you fear the most. Are you scared of humans seeming like aliens, etc? Does that thought really scare you? If it does, then your mind is saying "bingo! I've done my job. You're scared, so there IS a threat after all. I'll just keep on reminding you that people seem like aliens because you've shown me that you're wary of that and that, to me, is cause for concern. Hey- I'm just looking out for you!!"
See how the primitive part of your brain think it's doing its job? It's not that clever and it can't tell the difference between an inagined threat and a real one. If these disturbing thoughts were instead say, a hungry bear, not in your head but standing right infront if you, then it would most definitely be doing it's job... And very well! But you're thoughts aren't a real threat, so accepting and letting your thoughts be there will show your brain that there is no threat and eventually, the thoughts will die down. Fighting the thoughts still shows your primitive brain that there is something to be anxious about and they will continue to be there. Acceptance, however, means getting on with your life, letting the thoughts be there, knowing that in time with this approach, you won't even get them anymore."

And

"Glad it helped and I think the simple answer to both is that your brain, in it's sensitised state simply "picks" stuff to fear. If you felt like you didn't recognise yourself in the mirror one day, even for a split second, if you are inclined to be anxious you immediately create a threat - "oh no, I have a problem, I can't recognise myself in the mirror!" and from then on, every time you look in the mirror you remember that you felt threatened looking in the mirror last time and you are cursed with the recurring thought of "I can't recognise myself". Whereas if you hadn't of responded in an anxious way when you first felt like that infront of the mirror, then the chances are every time you looked in the mirror since then, you would have felt completely normal. It is all about how we respond to our thoughts. Claire Weekes talks about this as being bewilderment in the fear > bewilderment > fear cycle.

This also happens when you read about symptoms... If you have read about it before and you thought something like "oh god, I hope I don't get that" or "Let me think... Oh yeah, I feel the same" then your brain stores that and it adds to the list of things to feel threatened by."


----------



## HeliX (Apr 21, 2010)

I guess that all makes sense.

I also spoke to soon when I said I was doing a better job of not reacting to the thoughts.

I went out for lunch with my gf's family for mother's day, on the way there I drove round my old school to see if it would make me feel any more "grounded". Didn't help.

Whilst at dinner nothing seemed to make sense, everything felt weird and unfamiliar and terrifying. Whenever people talked about the past it didn't make sense to me, or whenever people described places or times or areas or actions it felt weird and scary and urgh. I don't know how to describe it.

Everything on the table looked wrong and not real, the world looks not real.

People's shapes look wrong, or the fact that they only take up the space where their shape is and not a big box where they could move their arms to seems wrong.

Feels like I'm going absolutely mental


----------

