# I want my emotions back



## Dancing_master (Jun 17, 2019)

I finally don't care about anything DPDR can throw at me... except the emotional numbing. I could have the worst existential thoughts, panic, vision problems, memory problems anything... I wouldn't care if I just had my emotions which I can then distract myself with by doing fun things or walking in nature, listening to music... But now I cannot. How do I get them back? Someone tell me please? I don't get how my fucking anxiety problem could have ruined my life to this amount. Like thinking back in the day... back in my early teens when anxiety started... like that little problem can grow to something that is worse than cancer? Wtf? Well I did get my DPDR from weed btw. Well traumatic weed trip + bunch of life stresses at the time too. At least in the beginning of DPDR I had my emotions.....

Please someone help.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Mirtazapine for me was good...

Trial and error bud but for me it's medication


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## Dancing_master (Jun 17, 2019)

WreckingHotelRooms said:


> Mirtazapine for me was good...
> 
> Trial and error bud but for me it's medication


I can't cuz I had a bad time in SSRIs and I even thought that it was the SSRIs which caused the emotional blunting so now I am scared of all medications.


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## Keep The Faith (May 19, 2019)

Hey! I can relate to everything you said. I have been completely without emotion since late December 2018, except when I had a brief period in February where I could feel again. As to what caused me to feel again at the time, I don't know, I just started feeling again without doing anything until my brain realized that it was safer to be numb becasue I can't cope with my life circumstances so I just numbed out again and it's staying that way now. It's been almost 6 months for me living 100% numb from emotion. Life is surely awful without emotion. There is no meaning or purpose anymore and you're scared you're not going to feel again, if you're dealing with that same worry of hopelessness, you're not alone.

Can you still feel anxiety at all? Are you anxious or stressed at all, ever? Becasue I've reached a point where I'm not just numb, my flight or fight response is nonexistent anymore. I feel no sense of stress anymore no matter what happens. I don't know what that says about the state of my nervous system, but it's pretty serious.

"I finally don't care about anything DPDR can throw at me... except the emotional numbing. I could have the worst existential thoughts, panic, vision problems, memory problems anything... I wouldn't care if I just had my emotions which I can then distract myself with by doing fun things or walking in nature, listening to music... But now I cannot."-I really really relate to this. I'm almost 17 now, but I've had dpdr since I was 12, but I wasn't completely without emotion, I just had the disconnect from the world and my body. I then became partially numb, but not 100% numb to emotion and even anxiety like I am now. I don't mind the world around me looking unreal and I don't mind feeling out of body. I just don't like the emotional numbing :/ So I understand you perfectly. I can't enjoy nature or music either, which sucks big time becasue nature and music have always been my life. I was a music junkie, always discovering new music and losing myself in it to distract from the world. But now that's not possible becasue I'm numb. I can't feel even the slightest bit of enjoyment in anything. I can't live this way forever. This is no life. This is surely worse than cancer, having the form of dpdr where emotions are fully gone.

Have you sought out the help of a counselor or psychologist? I was able to find a psychologist who's at least aware and knowledgeable about dpdr, they're out there, they're just hard to find. It's not helping me so far, but it still helps to confide in someone who at least has heard about dpdr. There are plenty of options out there, don't give up just yet and know that you're not alone. I don't know what the solution is to this numbness, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in having this in addition to the other symptoms of dpdr. Not everyone can relate to each other.

Also I understand how you feel about medications. I don't like them either becasue in the past they numbed my emotions, the opposite to what I need. But meds have different effects on everyone, it all depends.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this, I am too







I'm here if you'd like to talk, just message me.


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## Dancing_master (Jun 17, 2019)

Keep The Faith said:


> Hey! I can relate to everything you said. I have been completely without emotion since late December 2018, except when I had a brief period in February where I could feel again. As to what caused me to feel again at the time, I don't know, I just started feeling again without doing anything until my brain realized that it was safer to be numb becasue I can't cope with my life circumstances so I just numbed out again and it's staying that way now. It's been almost 6 months for me living 100% numb from emotion. Life is surely awful without emotion. There is no meaning or purpose anymore and you're scared you're not going to feel again, if you're dealing with that same worry of hopelessness, you're not alone.
> 
> Can you still feel anxiety at all? Are you anxious or stressed at all, ever? Becasue I've reached a point where I'm not just numb, my flight or fight response is nonexistent anymore. I feel no sense of stress anymore no matter what happens. I don't know what that says about the state of my nervous system, but it's pretty serious.
> 
> ...


Yes I have seen ur other posts. I finally got over my social anxiety and I got almost a relationship recently but I cannot feel nothing my life is a sick joke. Sex dont feel like anything either well a little bit but I have no libido and the feeling is really muted. I don't feel anxiety anymore either maybe super little its so muted I can't even tell. Yea it feels like my nervous system is like SHUT OFF. My skin is slightly numb too and even getting massages I hardly feel anything!! and I used to be literally like would pay someone 1k dollars to massage me cuz it always felt so good. Fucking peice of shit body and emotions and fucking brain just STFU and un numb urself idiot fuck I don't care about stupid retarded anxiety anymore just give me my fucking feelings back FUCKKKK. Okay... have u tried Rhodiola Rosea? When I was less numb 2 months ago I tried it and it seemed to actually work.... but I also got the anxiety back too so I was too scared to try and hoped it would get better naturally. Clearly not. I will try it again tommorow.

The numbing started with zoloft tbh... but this is probably just DPDR the zoloft numbness felt different... 8 months off zoloft anyway...


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## Keep The Faith (May 19, 2019)

Dancing_master said:


> Yes I have seen ur other posts. I finally got over my social anxiety and I got almost a relationship recently but I cannot feel nothing my life is a sick joke. Sex dont feel like anything either well a little bit but I have no libido and the feeling is really muted. I don't feel anxiety anymore either maybe super little its so muted I can't even tell. Yea it feels like my nervous system is like SHUT OFF. My skin is slightly numb too and even getting massages I hardly feel anything!! and I used to be literally like would pay someone 1k dollars to massage me cuz it always felt so good. Fucking peice of shit body and emotions and fucking brain just STFU and un numb urself idiot fuck I don't care about stupid retarded anxiety anymore just give me my fucking feelings back FUCKKKK. Okay... have u tried Rhodiola Rosea? When I was less numb 2 months ago I tried it and it seemed to actually work.... but I also got the anxiety back too so I was too scared to try and hoped it would get better naturally. Clearly not. I will try it again tommorow.
> 
> The numbing started with zoloft tbh... but this is probably just DPDR the zoloft numbness felt different... 8 months off zoloft anyway...


Interesting that you mention physical numbing. I have that too! It's really weird, it's like you're less sensitive to touch, like you don't even feel like you're being touched when you are. I've seen plenty of other people talk about "physical numbing" with this, so we're not alone in that.

"Fucking peice of shit body and emotions and fucking brain just STFU and un numb urself idiot fuck I don't care about stupid retarded anxiety anymore just give me my fucking feelings back FUCKKKK" -That's a mood right there, that's what I'm thinking too :/ I just want to feel again. I don't care about derealization or anything, I just want to feel again. Anything. I'd take any feeling, no matter how awful and painful it is, over this numbness. The brain thinks it's protecting us from harm and from the world, but it's really not helping becasue we're not actually in the kind of life-threatening danger that dpdr is meant for. It's just making existence pointless and miserable instead, but I don't know how you're supposed to tell the brain "STOP IT, YOU'RE SAFE."

No, I haven't tried Rhodiola Rosea. I'd have to look up what it is. I'm willing to try anything that helps.


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## Didi (Mar 17, 2018)

I had this for 11 months I really wanted to die.. My worst was my memory and my lack of emotions (ZERO!) I could not even think with no mind. Tms saved me, contact me if you want.

[email protected]

Www.ingcen.wordpress.com


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## nicewon (Aug 10, 2017)

they will come back slowly, trust me it will take time to heal.


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## Dancing_master (Jun 17, 2019)

nicewon said:


> they will come back slowly, trust me it will take time to heal.


how much time??? it is 8 months since I stopped SSRIs, and it only got even WORSE.


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## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

Do that thing you really want. Look deep down inside of you. What's troubling you besides DP/DR? First seek to understand the problem before attempting to solve it darling.

I still believe DP/DR is an Anxiety related symptom, not a disorder, there must be something subconsciously blocking you, the brain is very complex. Open up, if you need people to talk to professionally, i would recommend psychologist over a psychiatrist, the latter solves problems mainly with substances, might as well drop LSD and get rid of it after 6 hours of hell if you go that route


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## Dancing_master (Jun 17, 2019)

TheStarter said:


> Do that thing you really want. Look deep down inside of you. What's troubling you besides DP/DR? First seek to understand the problem before attempting to solve it darling.
> 
> I still believe DP/DR is an Anxiety related symptom, not a disorder, there must be something subconsciously blocking you, the brain is very complex. Open up, if you need people to talk to professionally, i would recommend psychologist over a psychiatrist, the latter solves problems mainly with substances, might as well drop LSD and get rid of it after 6 hours of hell if you go that route


lot of things. I dont know what I want to do anymore I lost all my passions for my hobbies which I wanted to take to great heights before. I am also scared that SSRIs gave me PSSD although it could just be the DPDR. It is all so fucked.


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