# A friend in need...



## comrade (Dec 20, 2007)

Hi all.
I've been reading through a lot of these posts and descriptions of DP since I discovered this website earlier today. I had previously never heard of it, but hearing about it now, it reminds me of someone I know quite well.
I dated a kind but detached, confused, and confusing guy for quite awhile about a year ago. We became very close, but there were many times when he would suddenly seem to show no emotion whatsoever and no interest in anything happening around him. He would go from being incredibly loving to seeming to be unable to feel his love and other emotions. He often said that he would be in the middle of doing something when he would suddenly feel like he had no idea who he was or what he was doing, but he was still able to perform whatever action he was doing perfectly well. He suffers from migraines, has a lot of sleeping problems, has had (undiagnosed) depression problems in the past, and often had erratic mood swings. When asked about his day, he would think about it for a bit and then say that he really couldn't remember what happened very much. He also sometimes mentioned not being able to remember his childhood memories very well and that he sometimes felt like he wasn't "really there". Since he is also a drama queen, can get very obsessive about things, and is quite a cynic, I often took his actions for those of someone who only partially cared about the relationship and possibly had depression as well. We had times when there was no one I got along with better, since on his good days we had a lot in common and personalities that meshed well, and times when he would seem incredibly detached from reality and uncaring and unobserving of anything that happened around him, though he was still able to function completely normally. After a rollercoaster of a relationship, we eventually broke it off. I was more the one initiating the break up because of numerous long reasons, and he showed very little response to the whole ordeal. The way he acted towards me was always intense-- intensely fascinated, intensely loving, and intensely empty and detached from reality.

Anyway, the point is, by reading various posts on here and researching DP, it sounds like a possibility for him that I never contemplated until now. Because of other characteristics of his, though, I think he is the type of person who would discover it in himself at some point through continual self analysis, and then not approach anyone for help because of a fear of being wrong, simply overreacting, and/or seeming weak. I worry that he wouldn't try to find help because he was worried that people would think that he was just being a hypochondriac trying to explain his odder qualities. I harbor no particularly bad feelings for him, and I don't think he harbors any for me, and we see each other relatively often, but we don't engage in conversation very much at all. I'd like to help him, since I still consider him a dear person (just one that things didn't work out so well with), and because I know that he has gotten very worried about things like this in the past, but because our lack of everyday conversation, I'm not sure how to address it, or if I even can address it. Even before discovering DP, I had wanted to stay friends with him, but through an almalgamation of events and different activities simply stopped having the time to talk to one another. I wish I had realized this sooner, if DP is indeed what he has, so that I could've helped him then-- I don't know how much more of it, whatever it may be, he can take.
However, I'd obviously still love to help him, but am unsure of whether or not he actually has anything like DP, don't know how to begin talking to him again with such a diagnosis in mind, and don't know if I can do anything to help to begin with. From what I've said about him, how likely do you think it is that he has DP or something like it? Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to help him?

Thank you so much!


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## Guest (Dec 20, 2007)

I envy him for having such a wonderful person love him.

First words which come to mind while reading your post are: ?Temporal lobe epilepsy?. I say this because his DR/DP is triggered by something, although if it?s not anxiety, I can only assume ?myself? that it could be TLE. I would once again ?assume? TLE would be related to the migraines and sleeping problems.

All I?m going say is: I haven?t got a clue? lol. I?m no doctor, just an analyser with assumptions.

Please read here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporal_lobe_epilepsy

And see if you can relate anything else to his symptoms.

P.S, don?t give up being so sweet any time soon please.

Darren.


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## comrade (Dec 20, 2007)

Thanks  After reading about TLE some, I don't think that's what he has, if he has anything. I think this mostly because I don't think he's had any seizures, tiny or large, and because his, err, depersonalizatoniness never seemed to be triggered by much of anything. What did you think it was being triggered by from what I said?
My other more normal worry about approaching him about it is that, well, I'm not interested in him romantically anymore, and I wouldn't want to accidentally give him the impression that I was (because I was suddenly talking to him again) and thereby scare him off. But obviously, this goes beyond my little social worries. Any thought on the matter counts.

Thanks!


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## Guest (Dec 20, 2007)

That?s the thing, we?re trying to work some one out here in order to help them, although have you ever stood and though, that you can?t even work yourself out, so how could you even begin to work some one else out? Could be thousands of reasons to why he?s the way he is.

TLE?s seizures aren?t like fits, they don?t cause a person to lose control their movements and become unconscious? people with TLE are conscious (Correct me if i'm wrong other members bah bah BAH  ). You?d only know if you had TLE from tests (I?ve had one, although I forget it?s name). You see, if his DR/DP wasn?t triggered by anything in the outside world which coursed fear, stress etc? I would believe it?s down to his body/mind playing up ([email protected] up? soz I?m tired and dyslexic, so I can?t write the words I want to write). People are excellent at masking their fears and anxiety (If we weren?t, we?d be an easy target? although I was pants at masking mine? :roll: lol), so he could have been anxious with out you knowing it, and this could trigger DR/DP.

Well you could tell a white lie I guess, if you could show that you're able to relate with his disorder (Which you have, because you?re consider? due to being empathetic) it would give you motive to want to help him, just make out you knew a friend who had anxiety etc etc, and you helped them get through it, and so on and so forth. I understand why you would worry about this, because caring for him out of the blue could give him the wrong impression. May I ask why you care so much that you?ve begun to research into this? You might have already written why, although I?ve weak short term memory? do you want to understand why things didn?t work out between you? Aww bless ya, seems you?re a bit of a worrier yourself? guess that?s a reason why you can relate? hum but maybe not


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## Guest (Dec 20, 2007)

*Bangs head on desk* I need sleep.com  BLOODY WORRYING COS ME'S RECEDING RAHHHHHHH! *Pulls hair out*... ah.... oups...  :lol:


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## comrade (Dec 20, 2007)

I care because I think that no matter what my inclination towards him is, he deserves a chance at happiness just like everyone else in the world, and he doesn't seem too happy right now. It just seems to me that if I happened to have noticed a reason for why he is the way he is...then why not try to help him with it?

Don't pull too much hair out over this. I'm sure it's a lovely color.


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## Guest (Dec 20, 2007)

Where are all the nice people like you?  People like you are rare to me, that?s why I believe the world sucks? :lol: lol. 
So it?s down to a basic consideration for him . If it did turn out that he had DR/DP and he found a cure for it, you would be the reason for his new life. A life with DR/DP is one close to death, you?re emotions are either numbed down, or they seem pointless to you, you feel like a puppet because you tend to notice your own movements? I notice that I function normally when I allow myself to be automation/ on auto pilot. When a person becomes anxious, their brains go into ?learning mode? so even if they have learnt to type on the keyboard or play football, when they are stress or anxious, they become that self aware, that their performance lowers dramatically (That?s what the person on the T.V said about five years ago ).

If you have his home address, you could type him a ?spooky? letter about DR/DP . Nah, it?s difficult to say how to go about advising him? you could just state the truth; tell him you care about him as a friend, and you want to help him into a normal life.

*Runs his hand throw his hair*?*Smirks with his shiny teeth* ?You know?


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## guessthenguess (Jan 2, 2008)

really kind of you .., he is lucky to have you , just print out some topics about DP (including description of symptoms) , if he feels that it's his case , that should convince him to see a doc.

my doc. knows nothing about DP , but i could know what exactly am going through by Internet.

good luck for you both


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## comrade (Dec 20, 2007)

Thanks, both of you 
I actually talked to him a while back, about every-day things, and he ended up unexpectedly asking me what I knew about DPD. Things progressed relatively well from there...we're trying to find someone for him to go to so as to see if he has it, and how to help him if he does. It's a little strange because we started talking out of the blue about something very personal and not much else, so we don't really have a normal friendship, but hopefully, we can be friends again.
Thanks again!


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## Guest (Jan 7, 2008)

Good to hear it! =D thanks for the update.


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