# CONFUSION



## junfan (Apr 12, 2008)

why do i feel like i have just arrived on this planet? And why do I feel like this maybe isn't the real planet I should be on? It almost feels like a real confusion of everything. Thats all i can describe it as. CONFUSION. I did have depression for a long time, well to be honest about 8 years really but on and off, but it got stronger as i got into my 27, then i started worry about jobs, then i started getting wierd feeling just before christmas like i didn't feel myself, i would wake up and be lost as to who i was, then when i went certain places were i may think or be on my own it became worse. then all the other feelings.

I had this weird noise aswell in my ere, well there was a noise out side just the noise of the skys etc, but when i shut the window this noise was still there, ithought i was sciz. the noise scares me aswell, its like my mind is to involve in inwardness. rather than living openess.
I do hope i havent got sciz or any other mental problem, at the moment iam working thorught cbt for dp/dr and reading this book about dp. most is pretty real, DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGESTIONS TO WHA TO DO ABOUT MY DP:?? DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GO GYM ETC. I JSUT SEEM TO NOT GO OUT NO WERE IAM STUCK IN ALL THE TIME, BECAUSE I DEPRESSED AND HAVE UNREALITY FEELINGS


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## Guest (May 27, 2008)

Don't worry I went through this too and nearly everyone on here has at some point. Keep busy, but don't wear yourself out, I'm nearly recovered after 5 months and you can too


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## Guest (May 28, 2008)

Hey junfan
I go through the same thing each day. Seems like it's getting progressively worse with the depression, afraid to go out on your own because of dp/dr like your gonna get lost or lose your mind.
I also experience weird noises like everynight I hear some lady walking in heels above me, but in actuality there is no one who lives above me.
I look out the window and life feels like a dream, like my mind is in shock or frozen.
I also suffer from ocd am a hypochondriac and also think inwards 24/7.
Lately I've been feeling this numb feeling in my forehead and worry that I'm coming down with dementia because nothing seems real and my brain is stuck like in a trance.
The funny thing is when I reality test myself my memory is sharp and fluid, but it feels like it's not because of the disconnected foggy state I'm in.
I also realize I suffer from severe depression but not sure which came first the dp or depression.
Seems if I forget about dp life and reality is within reach but something is holding me back. Anxiety is causing daily headaches with pins and needles feelings all over my head.
Would somebody give me insight as to what is going on? Is this dp/dr or something more serious. Is this my OCD playing mind games with me. Or did I suffer some kind of permanent brain damage like a stroke.
Seems like you can't will yourself out of this state, it has to come naturally, since the rare moments I felt a semblance of my old self I wasn't willing myself to get better.

I mean how can you become normal again after going through this. This is going to be in my mind for as long as I live even if I do get better. I see no way out. Are you on meds?


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## junfan (Apr 12, 2008)

I agree, I started a job in a media company two weeks ago just doing admin but i had to give it up within 3 days, the reason was I was not sleeping at all. plus I was having issue's in the work place, these issue's were with my self, I was walking around trying to find myself, i was totally lost, plus i was feeling unreality feelings constant. I was also really depressed so I had to give it up. I was real sad about it. it's the first job I have had that's decent, but now I am home alot with all these issue's I have just labelled up some notes pads, 1 for depression and one for dp, dr and I am going throught cbt self help books, on dp and depression, so i put my notes tables, everthing that applies to try and get my self back to norm. it's real hard trying to teach myself all this with all this, it makes more sense to go and see someone but money is tight. I have also applied to see a shrink to be forwarded to the dp clinic in se5 london, they diagnose whether you have dp, which i need so i know for a fact that iam suffering from that.

I am very much in the dark about my OCD FEELIINGS, these seem very strong lately, I also I am quiet depressed, i Just dont seem to be thinking on a rational level, But I think this is dp rather than depression maybe??? Its very hard but I am trying.


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## zanzi (Jun 5, 2008)

Hi - I'm new here. Just began searching for people who might be feeling the same way I am. And yes, we're _people_. Why is this feeling called "depersonalization"? I've had good days and really bad for seven years now but recently, everything is getting stranger and stranger. I agree that it can only be described as _confusion_. Writing this now, I wonder if it's not all a dream. And if anyone responds to these words, it's really only my own mind making it up, talking back to me. I feel as if everything has happened before, over and over, again and again. When I talk to people these days, I zone out and begin thinking I'm talking to another piece of my brain, a figment of my imagination. Nothing I do seems to hold meaning. I look around on a sunny day at our highways and buildings and everyone scurrying about their business and it's like watching a movie. Nothing of it's really happening. The world could be blown to bits tomorrow and none of it will matter. I imagine the globe spinning so fast, hurtling through space a million miles an hour and I feel as though I'll just fly right off the surface into oblivion. In an intense moment in a conversation, in a car, on a plane - my mind is screaming to get out get out get out, everything is _so very wrong_. But there is no where to go to escape my own head. Am I afraid of the unknown, of going crazy, of that cold loneliness of knowing there is no God to help me through this, of no longer loving the things in life that I once thought were so important??
Reading other people's comments - we're all intelligent human beings here. We're thinking about our own consciousness and what it means. I'm trying to be positive - that maybe this feeling holds some overall meaning for me and for us as _people_. In contrast to that search for meaning, I've picked up a few books about existentialist philosophy. I am also seeing a therapist who specializes in acceptance therapy, trying to open my mind to this instead of be afraid of it. Because that's what I've become - absolutely, totally terrified of life, of feeling like this for the rest of my days. Our minds are brilliant machines, but they can only take so much confusion before they just shut down..... Maybe all of these different perspectives will do their battles in my mind and do me no good at all, but I feel like I either have all the time in the world to sort it out or none at all. I'm still alive now, I think, and that's all there is, right?


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## zanzi (Jun 5, 2008)

> I mean how can you become normal again after going through this. This is going to be in my mind for as long as I live even if I do get better. I see no way out. Are you on meds?


PS I have been on and off meds for 15 years now and am determined to not resort to them now. If that works for you that is great, but it kind of makes me feel like less of a person if you know what I mean. Like I'll never ever be free of them. I am starting to believe that you really can never be "normal" again - it's the wanting to be "normal" that's the problem. CBT and meds try to control and suppress these thoughts and feelings but we can't. We must find a way to live with them (and maybe even live better because of them??). It's like we're walking through the looking glass... what's on the other side is enlightenment of some sort, either beautiful or utter hell...

Are you guys talking to anyone or taking any medications? Just curious what they are telling you. I don't trust shrinks who think they have all your answers and can fix you... You end up telling them what they want to hear just to pretend like you've made progress or quitting altogether.


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