# Psychosis or DP? Ive wondered for years!



## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

I have been suffering with my mental health since the age of 18..Im 40 now..It has interfered with every aspect of my life..As i write this i am in a state of anxiety as to whether i suffer from DP or Psychosis..I can identify so closely with most of the symptoms people are describing for DP but i also have some other strange symptoms that ive not read about..I have spent the last 22 years trying to diagnose what is exactly wrong with me..This in itself is a source of alot of my anxiety..I run around inside my own head wondering if i have anxiety,depression.psychosis,bi-polar etc etc..

Can anybody else on here identify with these syptoms?

I often feel like i have interest in nothing at all...That im doing things just for the sake of it..(Like im acting)
I have a preoccupation with being "normal" again..(Like the way i was before i got ill)
My eyes can be sensitive to bright light..
I always worry that im going insane..
I often feel like my thoughts are not my own..(Even though i know they are)
I often feel that people are almost reading my mind..
I always feel lost in big crowds..
My mind is never quiet..(It races alot)
I have suffered panic attacks..
I have suffered from lack of motivation..
I have no sense of ambition..(Life has no goals or aims)
I have often felt like a robot..(Like nothing in life is spontaneous)
Life is meaningless to me..
I often feel like i have no feelings..(Like a numbness)
I often have no empathy towards others..(Ive been to the funerals of people close to me and felt like i didnt care less)
My vision is often what i describe as 3D..(People can almost look like cardboard cutouts to me)
I have often been terrified by my own thoughts in particular that i could harm people close to me or even young children..
I often feel like im acting out life..(Living everyday life feels kinda unnatural)
Alcohol was the only real relief from the symptoms..(Although i havent drank in seven years now)..
When i dont sleep so good my symptoms are always more apparent the next day..
When im in one on one situations (i.e. counselling) i feel like im hiding secrets even though i know im not..
I often see stars out of the corners of my eyes..
I feel distant from the real world..
My scalp often feels like its tight or that it has things crawling on it..
I have a constant feeling of wearing a cap..(Almost like a shaded darkness over my eyesight)(Some might say like a grey cloud is constantly over me)
The only time im not aware of my symptoms is when im totally concentrated and focussed on a task..
My concentration is poor..
My short term memory is bad..(But longterm memory is good).
I often feel like ive not woken up properly until the afternoon even though ive been up since 7am..(Like the mornings are a bit of a blur)..
I worry a hell of a lot about trivial things..
My inner mind really scares me..(Like im going too deep into thought and shouldnt because its dangerous to my sanity)
My hearing is very sensitive..
I find it hard to go to sleep at night..
I often think people dont like me or are talking about me..(Paranoia)
I cant trust people..
I find it very hard to relax (There is constant tension in my back and shoulders)
I get very lethargic..
I suffer from alot of intrusive thinking which is usually frightening and disturbing..
I find it very hard to control my thinking..
I find it hard to believe doctors when they tell me im not insane..
Just talking about my symptoms can scare me..

In fact as im writing this right now i have an eneasy senstaion that im not meant to be talking about this subject..(Its scaring me to be quite honest)

Years ago when i first got ill the psychiatrists did tell me that i was suffering from extreme anxiety and was depersonalized as a result.They put me on an anti psychotic drug called Dolmatil (Sulpiride) and even though it didnt eliminate the symptoms and get me back to normal (which is what i wanted more than anything at the time) it did take the edge off the symptoms and made things much more bareable..That was 22 years ago and im still taking 400mg of this drug daily..I also about 7 years ago was put on Cipramil 20mg (antidepressant) after i got very ill as a result of a relationship breakup..I have since found the combination of the 2 drugs to be quite beneficial in my case(so im lucky in that sense) although im far from cured..In fact i have learned to accept over the years that im gonna have this thing for the rest of my life..

I have a history of drug abuse (Marijuana,LSD,Ecstasy) and alcohol abuse..My first experience of this "DP" illness was while i was stoned on marijuana one night when i was 18..It was extremely scarey and put me off drugs totally (I never had a comfortable drug experience after that)..The only time i smoked marijuana after this was when i was very drunk and even then the experience wasnt too nice..I stopped drugs totally when i was about 24 but continued drinking heavily until i was 32...I am now alcohol and drug free completely for the last 7 and a half years..

Please tell me im not alone and there are people on here who know what im talking about..I have virtually dealth with this thing in silence for 22 years..Is the fact that im very aware of whats going on in the real world around me a good sign..Can someone be psychotic without ever having had audible and visual delusions which i have never had..Is what im suffering truly DP?


----------



## DownTheRabbitHole (May 30, 2009)

eddy1886 said:


> I have been suffering with my mental health since the age of 18..Im 40 now..It has interfered with every aspect of my life..As i write this i am in a state of anxiety as to whether i suffer from DP or Psychosis..I can identify so closely with most of the symptoms people are describing for DP but i also have some other strange symptoms that ive not read about..I have spent the last 22 years trying to diagnose what is exactly wrong with me..This in itself is a source of alot of my anxiety..I run around inside my own head wondering if i have anxiety,depression.psychosis,bi-polar etc etc..
> 
> Can anybody else on here identify with these syptoms?
> 
> ...


i feel most, if not all of the symptons you desribe, in varying intensities over the course of time, i try not to focus on them anymore, and just tried to accrept my new reality as much as i can. im only 25 though, respect to you, for having it this length of time.

although you will have something up with you to have kicked this 'feeling' off, alot of it will be fabricated by your own mind, analysing and contemplating everything, and this can probably cause alot of the symptoms.

anyways, im pretty rubbish today at generating a decent reply, but you are not alone dude! most are all fighting the samre battles or similar


----------



## DownTheRabbitHole (May 30, 2009)

i also do not think you are psychotic, 
to me sounds like a mixture of anxiety,ocd,dp,depression


----------



## Mario (Oct 26, 2009)

A truely psychotic person wouldn't be able to describe his/her own symptoms.They wouldn't have the sense of their own mental illness.
But we DP'ED people have the insight,and that makes the big difference.
You are not psychotic.You "Just"have DP.



eddy1886 said:


> I have been suffering with my mental health since the age of 18..Im 40 now..It has interfered with every aspect of my life..As i write this i am in a state of anxiety as to whether i suffer from DP or Psychosis..I can identify so closely with most of the symptoms people are describing for DP but i also have some other strange symptoms that ive not read about..I have spent the last 22 years trying to diagnose what is exactly wrong with me..This in itself is a source of alot of my anxiety..I run around inside my own head wondering if i have anxiety,depression.psychosis,bi-polar etc etc..
> 
> Can anybody else on here identify with these syptoms?
> 
> ...


----------

