# Crying



## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

Rarely it happens to me, most often when I talk with my mother about all this. I just talked with her and am crying now. I cry out of anger and dispair. I've completely had it. I'm now in this state most of my life of which the last three years I realized I'm in my head/not in the present. Having Asperger Syndrome (means you're in your head anyway) is one thing but realizing you are in your head is thousand times worse. I will call my doctor tomorrow and tell him that if he doesn't give me calming pills immidiately I will kill myself. I'm done with this.


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## Guest (May 5, 2008)

lostsoul said:


> Rarely it happens to me, most often when I talk with my mother about all this. I just talked with her and am crying now. I cry out of anger and dispair. I've completely had it. I'm now in this state most of my life of which the last three years I realized I'm in my head/not in the present. Having Asperger Syndrome (means you're in your head anyway) is one thing but realizing you are in your head is thousand times worse. I will call my doctor tomorrow and tell him that if he doesn't give me calming pills immidiately I will kill myself. I'm done with this.


*BIG HUGS HUN*
Please,pleasethink twice about killing yourself. I'm having a totally crappy time too and the only thing that is stopping me killing myself is the thought of what it would do to those left behind.
I can totally empathise with how you feel (except the Aspergers).
I've spent the last 3 days crying non-stop. It's too much to deal with. I phoned my mental health crisis team today, i don't know what else i would've done otherwise.
Like you, i cry out of anger, frustration, despair. 
It's like living in a never-ending hell. Just know you're not alone in this. I only discovered this site today, and boy am i glad i did.

I've often thought it would be better if i didn't know that i was like this, like if id never known any different it would be easier somehow.
please keep me updated how you're feeling, and just take care of yourself.
*more hugs* x


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## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

Thanks Heidi, that was really sweet of you. I'm now at a point where I never thought I would have come. I'm starting to injure myself, hitting my head to the walls (sounds completely wacko, never thought I would), I'm getting more and more frustrated, when someone gives me a weird look whenever I go outside I feel like killing the person (which I would never do), I'm becoming more and more aggressive and annoyed while actually I always have been a very warm and loving human being. This is not me!!! I have no idea who this person is!

I feel like I have to be careful constantly otherwise something could happen with me, not move to fast, not run, because I fear my energy would completely go to 0% (i think now its 5% or something).

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff... God, help me..

Sorry for being such a drama-queen child, I just cant handle it any longer. I have the biggest walls under my eyes. I am looking extremely worried constantly. I look pale and yellow. How can someone deal with this?


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## Guest (May 5, 2008)

*hugs* I'm really sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. Your doctor needs to listen to you and give you the right treatment, especially after losing your girlfriend. Try doing a little bit of exercise a day and build up the amount of time you do it till you can exercise 30 mins a day. This will lift your mood and tire you out. Get plenty of fresh air, drink lots of water, eat lettuce because that will help you sleep, try meditation if you can, pray, lavender is relaxing before bedtime. Change your doctor if necessary, but you sound overloaded with anxiety and depression at the moment. Just be kind to yourself and take it easy! It will get better even if it doesn't feel like it right now. I had an amazing boyfriend that I loved more than anything in the entire world and I lost him when i had DP a few years ago so I can understand how bad it is. It took a long time for me to get over him, but I believe in fate. I wasn't meant to be with him. My self esteem became low, my mood was low, I spent days thinking about him, but time does heal all wounds and I feel differently now. You will too one day and althought life feels really bad to you now, it will be amazing again one day! and you will find someone you'll love just as much one day. Hope things get better soon x


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## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

Thank you so much for your post sweetypie, your are a darling  I tried sleeping now, but I can't, i'm constantly worried my heart or breathing will stop, every second of the day and more when I want to sleep.

I registered today at an Asperger forum and I read a lot of people that have Asperger also are having dp/dr  this doesn't give me a lot of hope because Aspergers are stuck in their head most of the times anyway...

I just have to release my tears for a sec. I'm feeling sooo extremely sad, I just want my girl back, I can't imagine she's with someone else now while I thought she also felt that we had an extreme connection together. I lost any hope of getting someone in the future who I would like as much as I liked her and would feel such a strong connection with.. I became a bit less suicidal now then I was earlier today. I will call tomorrow for an emergency intake at some clinic. I will never forgive the doctors for what they did and still do to me, not giving any medicine whatsoever.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

i feel for u no one deserves this hell. one day we will be better. i wouldnt mind if i was a bad person but im not. I used to be a big believer in god but i would like to know his explanaition for doing this too me. try homeopathy apparently it can work wonders, try cipralex and a benzo medication, try and keep busy, realise there are cunts in this world who dont deserve to be alive and they are y shuld u give in to them, dnt kill urself, god knws i want to as well but as said already the effect it wuld have on ur loved ones wuld be devestating. gd luck god bless


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## Guest (May 6, 2008)

I cry because I can not cry at moments I'm meant to cry at... so this upsets me... lol it's a delayed action.


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

Oh my god I can relate completely... except I don't think I have Asperger's... but crying and the anger and frustration... I haven't hit my head against the wall yet but I seriously cannot stop thinking about it. The other day I was digging my fingernail into my leg repeatedly, I wanted so badly to pick up a knife, but I've got too many scars on my body from that sh*t already, humongous scars.

I'm starting to fantasize about beating the sh*t out of people... not just anyone, people who have done me wrong, very wrong.

I'm becoming more and more agressive and annoyed like you said which is so unlike me. I'm just fed up I guess. And not taking my meds can't be helping any. I really can't afford $30 a month right now, although that is cheap for 3 different meds. Actually I don't even take the amount prescribed so it's even cheaper... Whatever, i'm just retarded.

Cipralex, that's the second time I've seen that mentioned here today... is this new? I don't recall hearing about that one before, I haven't been on the site in a long time.

Anyways, sorry I can't offer advice at the moment but good luck to you.


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## Guest (May 6, 2008)

peacedove said:


> Oh my god I can relate completely... except I don't think I have Asperger's... but crying and the anger and frustration... I haven't hit my head against the wall yet but I seriously cannot stop thinking about it. The other day I was digging my fingernail into my leg repeatedly, I wanted so badly to pick up a knife, but I've got too many scars on my body from that sh*t already, humongous scars.
> 
> I'm starting to fantasize about beating the sh*t out of people... not just anyone, people who have done me wrong, very wrong.


)))Hugs(((... I've got scars on my left forearm... so you're not on your own with this one 

Oh yeah... I do round house kicks and barrel rolls with people who have do me wrong... well I fantasize about it... tis fun :mrgreen:


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## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

Thank you guys for the support.. Today I was having the strong urge of putting a gun to my head, I was having this image in my head constantly.. I just called the crisis service but I have to call them back.. then the clinic (antroposofic) called after I told them that I need to be taken in NOW and they told me I can come there thursday morning. Thank God for that. Now I just have to survive without any pills till then.. I've been diagnosed with Asperger, but actually I also think I have a lot of Borderline symptoms. So, worst case scenario would be a double diagnosis of Asperger and Borderline. Though, I read on Asperger forums most Aspergers have Borderline symptoms. And many of them have dp/dr/dissociation which comes with the clinical depression Aspergers frequently have. Seems I have a HUGE range of problems.. I hope the clinic will at least fix the dp/dr, that would be beautiful. I can pretty much live with Asperger, I always did, but not with the dp/dr.

Peacedove and Emulated, sorry to hear you guys are wounding yourself also, could be Borderline (Borderline frequently comes with dp/dr).

I know these are all just labels, except for Asperger, its a syndrome, but sometimes these labels can be useful for self knowledge and how to cope with them. For example for me, I have extreme difficulties with new situations (Asperger), noises, many stuff, so I try to cope with that.


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## power (Apr 20, 2008)

Hey there crying. I am writing to you not just in empathy but so I can post a solution on every site there is within this website as I totaly understand the hell you live and have lived it for 42 years.
But I have had a major breakthrough with homeopathy.

Our condition is an altered mind state caused by whatever trauma, drug use etc etc. But regardles of the cause the result is this experience of a living hell because you can no longer function in this world but not just that can't even connect to it or be a part of it and everythign is an illusion.
Which really sucks because we are here so need to be a part of this human experience and enjoy it.

O.k back to homeopathy. There are remedies from what they call the periodic table eg hydrogen, helium.

These type of remedies have even had great success with autism. 
So if you can imagine the hell existence of an autistic child trapped within their existence you might be able to relate and if homeopathy can bring them out of that world it is incredibly successful with DP/DR etc etc.

I have learnt through experience any other chemical drug only adds more hell to your already hell.

I am almost completley on the other side of this and about to go back into normality (whatever that is) but I can tell you it is really nice to be able to love and live again.

So I only encourage you please to look up homeopaths in your area and not just that but communicate to them about the element remedies as some homeopaths are not aware of them.
Please also encourage your homepath to pay attention to that request as it is crucial to this type of healing.

Good luck with it.
Hang in there and if you ever want to talk and that goes to anybody on this site please e-mail me on [email protected]

Love and light

Dawn


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## andreandreyes (May 9, 2008)

Wow, the internet has just opened my eyes to all of you people. I thought I was alone in this completely. Sometimes the frustration and sadness overwhelms to the point where I want to start pulling out hair. I will definitely be frequently returning to this forum. It would be so hard to find out about others suffering from similar symptoms had it not been for the internet. Most of the time, I hate the fact that I live in the modern age, but now I have reason to be thankful.


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