# Description of feelings!



## NewBrainPleeze (Aug 31, 2010)

I don't really know what to say except that the very thought of living another moment is torture. I acually feel like I have lived long enough. I am 32 years old with three little girls and a wife and I can't bare the thought of living. All I live for are my kids and family. There is no pleasure or excitment in anything I do or even things to look foward too. I feel like this is much more than just depression. Its as if being conscious is to much for my brain to handle, like my brain is asking me or wants to know why it is "aware" or operating right now. I have to think and be conscious, I have to be alive and I cant bare it. I don't even feel like I can explain it in words the way that I feel. I try to explain them to my psch. but it just does not seem like they understand what I'm trying to say. I see people working hard to achive things in life like money, car, house, or even enjoying a hobby like golf or football and I think whats the purpose, when your dead none of this matter's. Sorry for the rambling I guess I'm just looking for somone to relate to what I am feeling so I don't think I am the most messed up person in this world. I take 250mg of zoloft 1mg of klonipin. Could the zoloft make dp and depression worse as I just uped my dose 2months ago from 200 to 250. Any responses would be appreciated. thanx


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## Rainman (Dec 2, 2010)

Sorry to hear about you're problems







. I wish I could offer more than just an empathetic ear, but I've only been experiencing these problems for a month, from the date of this post. To me, personally, it sounds like what you really need is therapy, and not more medication. Is it an option for you to see other psychiatrists? Try finding somebody who's more familiar with your symptoms, sounds like what's going on with you is just hit and miss right now.


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## curlyradar (Nov 6, 2010)

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
thank freaking god ( i apologize if that offends you) but i'm so glad you said that. i mean, i'm not glad that you're feeling that way but you just described exactly what i feel and didn't know how to put into words. thankyou thank you thank you. either this means we're not crazy and we're the only two that are but whatever. i've been trying my damndest to be excited about something again and i'm acting like i should but that's what goes through my head every time. what the hell's the point. i completely get it. and i'm sorry i don't have an answer for you but sweet jesus is it good to hear someone say that. i'm on zoloft too but only 100 mg and i was on xanax but i don't like the way it makes me feel. and i absolutely hated klonopin. it's like i'm stoned constantly. are you taking any supplements?

kelly


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## NewBrainPleeze (Aug 31, 2010)

I'm glad I'm not the only one out there. I am in therapy and have been for some time, but it does'nt seem to help all that much except for the fact that I get to tell someone how screwed up I think. As far as supplements go I just take a multi-vitamin, omega3,6,9, and sublingual b-12. I also will be in the middle of doing something like working or doing something around the house and out of nowhere in my head I'll be like I just want to die, what's the point when we are dead none of this matters. When people talk about like who won the football game last night or what team is in firt place, I'm thinking who gives a crap, does'nt anybody relize that we are alive right now, we are conscious at this very moment for what? No offense obviously to anyone who likes to talk about sports or such, just using it as an example, it could be any conversation. Hey thanx for the responses guys, Kelly I'm glad that I was able to express what you have been trying to explain. I still don't even feel like words can explain the complexity of my mind. Shawn


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## piescoffer (Dec 10, 2009)

badbrains said:


> I'm glad I'm not the only one out there. I am in therapy and have been for some time, but it does'nt seem to help all that much except for the fact that I get to tell someone how screwed up I think. As far as supplements go I just take a multi-vitamin, omega3,6,9, and sublingual b-12. I also will be in the middle of doing something like working or doing something around the house and out of nowhere in my head I'll be like I just want to die, what's the point when we are dead none of this matters. When people talk about like who won the football game last night or what team is in firt place, I'm thinking who gives a crap, does'nt anybody relize that we are alive right now, we are conscious at this very moment for what? No offense obviously to anyone who likes to talk about sports or such, just using it as an example, it could be any conversation. Hey thanx for the responses guys, Kelly I'm glad that I was able to express what you have been trying to explain. I still don't even feel like words can explain the complexity of my mind. Shawn


I can relate to some of what you are going through - at my last doctors appointment I was trying to explain to her that I feel like my mind is questioning my own conciousness - firing off loads of bizarre thoughts and questions - how do we speak? how do people have opinions about stuff? what is the point of anything? what is a personality? what is a soul? How do I understand what is going on when I watch a TV program or when someone talks to me etc etc etc..... the only way I can deal with it is to just think that I have lived plenty of years without all of these thoughts and need for questioning of everything - and so it is just a temporary state and WILL pass in time. They are all just symptoms of DP and are not permanent - just try to label the thoughts as DP symptoms - remember how you were before and try not to let them bother you too much - easier said than done I know but just remember also that you are not alone - however strange and bizarre your thoughts are or how you feel there are always others feeling the same. The human mind is terryfyingly complex and sometimes it feels like it's impossible to put into words how you are feeling - DP & DR are so hard to explain to people who have never experienced it - a good book to get if you do not have it already is "Feeling Unreal" by Daphne Simeon - this bought me great relief to read and hear others stories expressing the way that I feel very often.


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## NewBrainPleeze (Aug 31, 2010)

Thanx piescoffer for some of the reasurance and yes I do have that book it is very helpful. I agree, to see that others are explaining exactly how you feel in this book definetly helps. It's just sometimes I think to myself maybe the thoughts I'm having are more in depth in some way or maybe I dont have DPD maybe what I have is worse if that is possible. Sometimes 2 people exlain the same thing but the way it is felt or experianced by each other is totally different. I dont know if that even makes any sense. thanx


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## piescoffer (Dec 10, 2009)

I know what you mean - I am petrified that I have got something worse than DPD, Anxiety or Depression. I feel like there is something seriously missing from inside my head, like something has shut down or my soul has left me. I'm scared that whatever it is is just too complex to ever be understood and I will be stuck like this forever and no one will ever understand. I have visions of myself ending up in an asylum full of lunatics. It isn't going to happen though.

I do have some hope and the knowledge that I have only been like this for a small portion of my life though - and leading up to it was a very long spell of high anxiety bought on through my job. I know that I have lived plenty of years without all of the emptiness, questioning and general wierdness, and hopefully I will have plenty more good years to come. The important thing is to just focus on how you were before and beleive that you will get back there. It is a long road to recovery and there are lots of potholes in it, it happened to me before 13 years ago - not quite to the extent it has this time and I managed to recover and acheive a lot of positive and worthwhile things....you will too just be patient, this will pass.


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