# NEW HERE: MY TOTAL DRUG INDUCED HELL



## 17133 (Jul 12, 2006)

I smoked pot once before this happened. My name is David if you can relate to my story and have experienced anything like this please email me(my user name). I was 19 at the time (1996) and had been visiting friends at a university thirty miles from my hometown, these were two guys I had graduated high school with and one of the guys I have been friend with since we were 7. I was brought up in a christian home my parents do not drink, smoke, and never have. Their philosophy to me was dont do it, if you do you will be sent off too a rehab. Anyway, I have been visiting these guys for many months every weekend staying in their dorm and partying with alcohol. This was away that I didnt have to worry about my family finding out. Will the guy I had known since a kid and his roommate AJ who was an acquaintance more than a friend had gotten some marijuana and assured me it was just like getting drunk, except you didnt have to drink a ton to get a good buzz, and I was assured you couldnt OD. I had never done drugs but this sounded very appealing to me. So the three of us drove around and smoked atleast two joints, my first time I wanted to make sure I got high so I took hit after hit after hit, being assured I would not OD. The first five minutes were great I had not laughed like that if ever. We decided to go to a bar, except Will decided he wasnt feeling well so he did not go. I went with AJ the roommate and acquantance and another guy that lived down from them. This is where my symptoms begin, as soon as we walked to the door some guys outside made comments that they could smell the pot on us, this totally made me paranoid, as we walked in I felt as if I were in a dream and was afraid if I closed my eyes I would pass out and hit the floor, at the sametime I noticed a girl whisper to her boyfriend and point in my direction, and from that moment on was convinced everyone was looking at me. We had not even been their five minutes when I went and found AJ and told him we had to leave, he told me to go outside and get some fresh air, I argued saying no we have to leave. As soon as we walked out a cop drove by making me further paranoid, when he was out of sight I took off running. We got back in the car ( I was in the back) and I was convinced that the two guys in the front knew what I was thinking and that even their conversations controlled my thoughts and movements, I felt as if I was aware I was in a fake existence I was in a living nightmare. When I got to their dorm room I sat in a chair and this I will try to describe what happened, all of a sudden I was aware that I was in Hell and that I would never leave, their was no fire, it was simply that dorm room with my so called friend Will and his roommate AJ. Every thought I had was connected to some object in the room, I found myself in some sort of time loop where the thought repeated themselves over and over again and I would look at the same objects in the same order over and over again, and the music playing only made it worse. I was so afraid and convinced I would never leave that room, see my family and those that I loved for all eternity, time ceased to exist. I looked up at the two guys thinking they also would have a look of horror instead they were laughing at me making it worse, it was as if they had the job of tormenting me forever, this truely was the most terrifying night of my life with thoughts of "this is so sad" "your in Hell" repeating over and over with no hope of it ending. I finally convinced myself that we had gotten in a car accident when we were smoking the pot and all three of us were dead. Fortunately, I did wake up the next morning but this dp/dr realization switch had already been turned on. I think I was totally insane after this happened I didnt share it with my family but I was in a living nightmare convinced that I was in Hell and that everything, every thought, and every person were just an illusion(a part of my Hell to make things that more cruel). In the following weeks I had several panic attacks one that was simply triggered by a joke my brother was telling, but all the sensations of that night hit me, and the never ending thought of being in Hell was there. This happened in front of my Dad who tried to calm me down, but adrenaline was pumping through my body. I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and getting on antidepressants. I was diagnosed as you guessed it Depression with Panic Disorder. This life changing experience made me push to find God and I finally do, sometimes the doubts creep up, but I cope. If you made it this far Thank You. I am so glad I found this website, I really believed I was the only person going through this I hope some of you will respond or send me an email. The only other thing I will say is that the Truman Show with Jim Carrey reminded me of this and also the Sixth Sense with Bruce Willis. I believe I am alive and my only hope is Jesus Christ without Him this would be Hell.


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## felimz (Jul 4, 2006)

One common sensation/feeling/theory that people suffering from derealization actually believe at one point (and I can attest to it) is that the world and reality are all in our minds. For example, I have actually believed to myself that all my world is a fantasy and that nothing exists but me.

Of course, there are many grounding techniques that you can learn to gradually get away from those obsessive thoughts. However, we all have our theories as to why reality just does not seem the same anymore, and it it not uncommon to theorize that we are "in hell," in a fantasy, or in a dream.

So, you are not alone, David. It just sucks that smoking pot and being hypervigilant and obessive got us here, right? Well, the good news is that we _can_ get out of it, and so will you.

Best of luck.


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## 17133 (Jul 12, 2006)

Thanks for your response Felip. Sometimes I feel this has unlocked something that cant be undone. Unfortunately, its been going on for 10 years, and in the back of my mind even with medicine and seeing a shrink I still wonder if what I experienced was real. Again thanks for the response. Another movie that I thought of was the Matrix ( it sort of relates to dp/dr.


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