# Obsessed with going blind and Xanax



## KJameson1959

Hi guys,

It's been a while since I have been on the forum, I was actually feeling better for a while, but have gone down the dark road again.

This time around my obsession with the visual disturbances is worse than it has ever been. I am focused on my eyes and vision 24/7. It's the first thing I think of when I wake up and freak about it every night until bed time. I can't think about anything else. Being at work is torture. I am on the verge of a major panic attack at any minute cause I will have something weird happen with my eyes and I'll think "THIS IS IT! IM GONNA GO BLIND!"

I have not been to an eye doctor because I am SCARED out of my mind of being told I am going blind. I don't want to face it. Even if there is surgery to fix it, I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. I am so terrified of finding out I am losing my vision, not being able to afford surgery, and just living my life sitting and waiting to go blind. I don't think I could handle it. I would rather just die.

The only thing that makes me feel better is.....strangely.....Xanax takes away all my eye disturbances??? SO you'd think I'd assume that all of my eye problems must be anxiety related if Xanax helps them.....but no. I have been on here for about 2 hours now searching terms like "going blind", "floaters", "flashes", "starbursts".....ridiculous. I have to take Xanax day and night, or I will flip my shit. I hate having to be on a drug all the time. The minute it starts to wear off, the floaters/flashes/starbursts start then I freak out and pop another. 20 minutes later I am seeing fine but am still in research mode.

I would really appreciate some replies. I am really lonely right now, my husband is out of town so I am here all alone and I just need someone to tell me they can relate. If you cant relate to my situation exactly, I'd still appreciate replies in relation to any of this stuff...

Thanks guys,
K


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## WANTTOBEBETTER

KJameson1959 said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> It's been a while since I have been on the forum, I was actually feeling better for a while, but have gone down the dark road again.
> 
> This time around my obsession with the visual disturbances is worse than it has ever been. I am focused on my eyes and vision 24/7. It's the first thing I think of when I wake up and freak about it every night until bed time. I can't think about anything else. Being at work is torture. I am on the verge of a major panic attack at any minute cause I will have something weird happen with my eyes and I'll think "THIS IS IT! IM GONNA GO BLIND!"
> 
> I have not been to an eye doctor because I am SCARED out of my mind of being told I am going blind. I don't want to face it. Even if there is surgery to fix it, I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. I am so terrified of finding out I am losing my vision, not being able to afford surgery, and just living my life sitting and waiting to go blind. I don't think I could handle it. I would rather just die.
> 
> The only thing that makes me feel better is.....strangely.....Xanax takes away all my eye disturbances??? SO you'd think I'd assume that all of my eye problems must be anxiety related if Xanax helps them.....but no. I have been on here for about 2 hours now searching terms like "going blind", "floaters", "flashes", "starbursts".....ridiculous. I have to take Xanax day and night, or I will flip my shit. I hate having to be on a drug all the time. The minute it starts to wear off, the floaters/flashes/starbursts start then I freak out and pop another. 20 minutes later I am seeing fine but am still in research mode.
> 
> I would really appreciate some replies. I am really lonely right now, my husband is out of town so I am here all alone and I just need someone to tell me they can relate. If you cant relate to my situation exactly, I'd still appreciate replies in relation to any of this stuff...
> 
> Thanks guys,
> K


Hi Kjameson!
What caused these visual disturbances? When do you first remember them? Was it some type of drug or med, Anxiety, depression? I have the same problems and just started taking Klonopin this morning and hope it helps with this. I believe anxiety started mine up when I was in middle school.

Thank,
Greg


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## pancake

KJameson1959 said:


> The only thing that makes me feel better is.....strangely.....Xanax takes away all my eye disturbances??? SO you'd think I'd assume that all of my eye problems must be anxiety related if Xanax helps them.....but no. I have been on here for about 2 hours now searching terms like "going blind", "floaters", "flashes", "starbursts".....ridiculous. I have to take Xanax day and night, or I will flip my shit. I hate having to be on a drug all the time. The minute it starts to wear off, the floaters/flashes/starbursts start then I freak out and pop another. 20 minutes later I am seeing fine but am still in research mode.


This winter I became quite obsessed with my eyes too. After a long time with normal vision I started experiencing a number of visual changes and it really freaked me out too. Eventually I did see an optometrist. He said my eyes were healthy as can be and I might want to get checked for migraine aura without migraine. He said what I was describing (darkened soft focus splotches, starbursts and flashing amongst others sounded a lot like it. If you are seeing any of your visual disturbances with your eyes closed it is VERY unlikely to be related to your eyes. It is far more likely to be the DP/DR sending you a visual greeting.

In any case I think you should get yourself to an optometrist. The appointment won't cost the world and that way a pro can make certain that your fears are unfounded. It stopped me worrying and obsessing and I am sure it will help you curb your current over-analysis as well.

Sometimes I think all of us should have studied human biology so there wouldn't be so many internal mysteries left to be pondered and obsessed over.


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## KJameson1959

WANTTOBEBETTER said:


> Hi Kjameson!
> What caused these visual disturbances? When do you first remember them? Was it some type of drug or med, Anxiety, depression? I have the same problems and just started taking Klonopin this morning and hope it helps with this. I believe anxiety started mine up when I was in middle school.
> 
> Thank,
> Greg


I have no idea what caused it.....I guess if I knew I wouldn't be here!

I was going through a very stressful time, getting ready to move cross country and had ended a long-term relationship. This was in early 2006. I remember being in the bathroom packing up my stuff, and when I bent down, all these little "fireworks", like little light balls just exploded in my vision. It scared the living CRAP out of me, but no other symptoms came. My eyes were fine for a few months then I noticed the floaters. I have had the floaters for almost 4 years. They have not got worse and sometimes they aren't there! Which I guess is a good thing. The sparks and flashing just came about within the past 2 years. I have had a few episodes here and there similar to the original one in the bathroom, and every time it's been when I have bent down or was sitting and bent down???? What the hell??

Valium seems to help my eyes too. I was freaking last night because every time I looked at a white computer screen the little light balls were bothering me very badly. I took half a Valium and stayed on the computer another hour, and my eyes were fine.

SOMEONE HELP me! Why does this happen? Come on, I know there has got to be someone else going through this!?


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## codeblue213

When you bend or sit down do you also get dizzy? I used to have a similar experience and it was from high blood pressure. Now it doesn't happen anymore. I have some floaters too, but I'm used to them now and they don't seem to be getting any worse.


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## pancake

codeblue213 said:


> When you bend or sit down do you also get dizzy? I used to have a similar experience and it was from high blood pressure. Now it doesn't happen anymore. I have some floaters too, but I'm used to them now and they don't seem to be getting any worse.


If it isn't high blood pressure, orthostatic hypotension (lowering of blood pressure when standing up, bending down etc) can also cause visual changes. While uncomfortable it is harmless and quite common: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthostatic_hypotension


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## KJameson1959

I have had my blood pressure checked alot and it is always normal. As far as being dizzy, I am dizzy ALL the time. Constantly dizzy and off-balance.

My eyes have not been bothering me too bad today and half of yesterday, but my DP is severe now. If it's not one thing, it's another. I can't focus, my short term memory is shot. I have a headache every day, I feel just fucking shitty ALL the time. I want to go to the doctor and scream at the top of my lungs "Someone PLEASE tell me what the fuck is wrong with me and release me from this PRISON!!!!!!" I can't take this crap any more.


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## codeblue213

Sorry to hear, my short term memory is also real bad lately. My mind feels like it only has an inch to think instead of being wide open. I wish I could help you more, but I've honestly really don't have the dizziness like you.


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## grues0me

I have read a lot about people with DP having also floaters. The thing is, that the swim away when you focus on them, but when you look in the distance, they are in the center of your view and i dont know how the brain fucks up trying to "get rid" of those annoying spots in our view axis.

I also have one big black floater and several small, translucent ones.

There are many theories telling that antidepressants are a cause for tissue detaching from the inside of your eyeballs.


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## KJameson1959

grues0me said:


> There are many theories telling that antidepressants are a cause for tissue detaching from the inside of your eyeballs.


Funny....cause I had just come off Prozac right before the bathroom episode and floaters started 4 years ago. I had kind of a bad reaction to that stuff, bad headaches and come to think of it, almost DR like symptoms that at the time I didn't think anything of.

I haven't ruled out heart problems. I know someone who said they thought they were having "panic attacks" and it turned out it was her heart. Maybe not enough blood is getting pumped to my brain. I want to have my heart checked out and also a CT Scan/MRI whatever. I am just waiting for my health care to come through. I applied back in January, they said I was gonna get it, but it's been a while and I have not received anything or heard anything. Amazing that a person like me supporting TWO people on $7.25 an hour cannot get health care faster. Fucking BS.


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