# Do I have DP/DR, can anyone relate? Scared of becoming schizophrenic.



## bgd (Jan 7, 2009)

Hi all, I know this will probably look like just about every other post on here, but I'd really appreciate if anyone took the time to read and share their thoughts/similarities with me.

I've basically been feeling strange for 3 years now (I'm 19), the onset of the feeling was after smoking weed...I woke up the next morning feeling really weird and nothing has changed to this day









I've talked to my GP, counsellor back when I was in high school, and a psychiatrist but still no one seems to understand what I'm experiencing. The counsellor said the feeling was "a part of growing up" or some steaming bs like that, and the psychiatrist (from a youth concurrent disorders program I was referred to by my GP) said it was dysthymia, which I doubt since I don't really fit the criteria at all (my onset was sudden, not gradual, and I don't feel "sad", just disconnected).

It basically feels like there's a fog in my brain all the time and I feel way less immersed in the world and my life than I should be, I'm stuck in my own head so to speak. I still can function and express myself fairly well (I hope) but I feel like I'm in a very fragile state of mind. I don't really feel depressed or have any symptoms of anxiety, there just seems to be this veil seperating me from the world and all my experiences. The best way to describe it is everything has lost its "emotional colouring" and everything seems bland...my memories, my surroundings, everything! During day to day life I feel like I'm on autopilot and just going through the motions, as well as feeling that people are "fake" and having difficulty relating to them. Sometimes I feel like I have to put on a front in order to fit in with society and relate to people.

Whenever I read about DP it always mentions "feeling physically disconnected from your body" and things like that, I haven't experienced anything even remotely close to this...it's more a mental feeling of dullness and disconnection.

I know DP/DR is associated with anxiety, but I don't have it to my knowledge. Anxiety does run in my family though, my grandfather has it, as well as some other members I believe. I've never had a panic attack, except maybe once when I was smoking weed at around 15/16 yrs old. Could it be repressed or underlying anxiety thats causing this..and was triggered by marijuana?

Also I'm scared to death of developing schizophrenia. I simply feel like I have it coming...my mind just feels so fragile and I can totally picture myself hearing voices and losing control...I have extensive knowledge on the condition being a psychology student and also having done plenty of research on it so I know that it can happen to anyone and the onset is usually early 20's for males.

Can anyone shed any light?

Thank you


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## ProphetEdison (Apr 10, 2011)

bgd said:


> Hi all, I know this will probably look like just about every other post on here, but I'd really appreciate if anyone took the time to read and share their thoughts/similarities with me.
> 
> I've basically been feeling strange for 3 years now (I'm 19), the onset of the feeling was after smoking weed...I woke up the next morning feeling really weird and nothing has changed to this day
> 
> ...


Does sound like DP my friend, the schizofrenia part sounds more like an OCD thing, I used to be scared to death to get schizofrenia I lost sleep over it. I've had DP for about 3 years and it's getting better now
and i'm sure i'll be cured soon. Good luck bro!


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## feelingunreal (Dec 29, 2010)

Your story is identical to mine in every aspect. I too don't experience the "out-of-body" symptoms many DP sufferers describe. I feel incredibly unfocused, uninvolved, and unreal (hence the name). Because of my knowledge of schizophrenia I began fearing that I might develop it the very MORNING I first experienced symptoms of DR/DP. I literally woke up, noticed everything was wrong and began looking up schizophrenia "triggers" and such. To my despair, there were countless studies showing that the use of marijuana in the teen years (during the rapid development of the brain)was found to trigger schizophrenia. I flipped. It became an everyday obsession. It was never NOT on my mind. Until I heard (I can't remember where from) that the onset of schizophrenia is immediate. Those with schizophrenia don't experience DP or DR prior to the onset (according to my source). I don't know whether this is true, but I've seen the same explanation here in this forum a couple of times. Recently someone posted that they were afraid of developing schizophrenia and someone replied that the main difference is that we are completely aware of the fact that something is "off" but schizophrenics believe 100% that what they experience (hallucinations, hearing voices, symptoms of DR and DP) is real and natural.


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## Reborn (Jun 24, 2011)

I can totally relate to this fear as well. My doc didn't know what DP was so when I told him the symptoms he immediately asked if I was hearing voices or having strange beliefs. This threw me into a whirlwind of worry and I wasted hours and hours of looking at schizophrenia symptoms and doing countless online screening tests. The fact that you are worried about whether you have it or not means you most likely don't have it, especially if no one in your immediate family has had it.

Secondly, the only way to stop your fear of having schizophrenia is to accept the fact that even if worse came to worse and you ended up being diagnosed with it, that it's not the end of the world. Schizophrenia is very treatable these days and many people have lead successful lives despite their illness. Just keep telling yourself "Ok, let's say I am schizophrenic, so what!?". I have 3 people with schizophrenia living on my street and you wouldn't even know the difference. Peace


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## bgd (Jan 7, 2009)

Thanks for your answers guys, helped a lot.



feelingunreal said:


> I can totally relate to this fear as well. My doc didn't know what DP was so when I told him the symptoms he immediately asked if I was hearing voices or having strange beliefs. This threw me into a whirlwind of worry and I wasted hours and hours of looking at schizophrenia symptoms and doing countless online screening tests. The fact that you are worried about whether you have it or not means you most likely don't have it, especially if no one in your immediate family has had it.
> 
> Secondly, the only way to stop your fear of having schizophrenia is to accept the fact that even if worse came to worse and you ended up being diagnosed with it, that it's not the end of the world. Schizophrenia is very treatable these days and many people have lead successful lives despite their illness. Just keep telling yourself "Ok, let's say I am schizophrenic, so what!?". I have 3 people with schizophrenia living on my street and you wouldn't even know the difference. Peace


Not sure I agree with you on the last part there, you might be right about some schizophrenics (obviously the ones on medication) not displaying that they're schizophrenic in any way, but the inner torment they go through is still unimaginable, not to mention the many side effects that anti psychotics produce. Some even prefer to be psychotic than to take them. They may appear "normal" but living independently and managing jobs/ relationships is still very difficult if not impossible for them, even on meds. I deliver medicine for a pharmacy part-time and I often go to group homes for schizophrenics, they are all medicated of course but you still see that glazed over look in their eyes, and even if you met them on the street you would know something is wrong without being able to put your finger on it. When you have a conversation with one of them, other than the small talk, you can tell that its a struggle for them to make sense and that they are in a constant battle with their own mind. I see what you mean though, I guess if I was in that situation there wouldn't be much to do other than accept it and make the most out of my life.


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## Christo808 (Jul 12, 2011)

Thank you soooo much for posting this









this is the post ive been waiting to read!!

I feel exactly the same except i do suffer from anxioty and ive had a bad cause of depression
for a number of years.. 
although i feel i have the depression under control ( no selfharming or suicidal thoughts)
i feel the "fog" and disconnection you talk about
its like everyday is emotionless, not depressed but emotionless. i dont feel as if im dreaming
just feel like im hanging from a thread and i cant remember wat anything feels like..
my dreams have more emotion and i get confused between them and real life.
also bad cases of dejavu!!!
Its like theres a beautiful cake and everyones saying how good it taste but i cant taste anything.
its almost a taste of emptyness..

Im sorry i cant explain it better but you did a great job BDG

i would love to hear more if anyone wants to chat?? [email protected]


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