# What is wrong with me?



## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

Things got really wierd the other night, i woke up , got up and i felt really strange, i will try to explain it whitout sounding like a madman: i felt like an essence floating in mid air, i lost the feeling in my arms and legs and my thoughts felt like an echo inside my head, i passed out and woke up the next day feeling as usual. what was that? :| this is really creeping me out, am i going insane? i should add that i got chronic insomnia, i hardly sleep at all.. what the fuck is this? i am seriously considering killing myself i cant fucking stand it :|


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## Guest (Aug 18, 2008)

Firstly if you are seriously considering taking your life then this isnt the place to be,you cant get the right help for that here,you must go and get some proper help such as going to Aand E or talk to a freind or family member who can help you.This isnt the right place to express it because we cant help with that,you see? The fact that you reached out for help is a good sign though,im glad you have.

Secondly you arent going mad at all...you are tired and anxious and dp...of course you will feel floaty in those circumstances but it can pass and you can feel better.I understand ive been there and im now glad I didnt do anything I would regret.Make sure you are eating properly and even if you cant sleep ,just rest alot.
Have you talked to your doctor about you feel? and about your insomnia? you might get some help for it..sleep depreviation gets to even the wellest of people ,honestly.

Take care.
Spirit.


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Can't add to what spirit said. 
What you have said is alarming to us because we can't see you for one thing.
Not sleeping is very, very, tough on anyone?s mind. You can last longer without eating or drinking than you can without sleeping.
Maybe that was not the most tactful thing to say but you get the point.
I went three days without sleeping...it was not fun.
Get help soon.


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## Scott.S (Jul 10, 2008)

Hey Man I was right where you are not that long ago!

Our stories sound the same. I too lost my sleep back then and was totaly freeking out bad. I went to the doctors to get something to sleep and that did not help at all... This just made things even worse for me.... Then I had all of the feelings that you ar describing, Hell what was going on with me, I asked? It was not until months later that I found this site that I was able to get a grip...

Stay Calm and dont Panic , you must lower your anxiety levels , which right now ar e going through the roof! Like I said I have been there, as has everyone else on this site. You will be Ok...

Dont let the fear of this consume you, you are still in control!

Take a deep deep breath and get yourself back to a calm and rational state. I know this is hard right now but you can do it!!

What you are feeling cant hurt you! Only you can do that and Please dont even entertaine those thoughts, they are being forced into your head because of what you are feeling at the moment. I had all kinds of crazy thoughts at first and I had to keep fighting them off. You can do the same!

Just regroup a bit and try to gain some knowledge of waht you are dealing with on this site, its the unknown that is doing this to you.

Hang in there!

Scott

P.S Sorry! I just read the date of your Post Aug 17th, I hope your doing OK!! The above still applies... Keep in touch!


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Hey,

I was hoping you could get back to us and let us know that you are alright?

As spirit said, this is not the place if you are thinking of taking your own life, however I can assure you most of us here if not all have been there with this!! We have had suicidal thoughts etc.

I suggest you educate yourself more by understanding what DP is (it is a just a horrible SYMPTOM of anxiety) as Scott said the more anxious you are the more this will freak you out. Talk to any of us if you have any questions, we will endevour to help you.

Can I suggest lighting a candle, sit down cross legged, and just staring at the flame, this is really calming and will bring your levels right down.

How did this happen, was it out of the blue, or drugs? Lack of sleep and alter anyones mind believe me, it is crucial xx


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Ya, I would like to know how you are doing also.


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## Scott.S (Jul 10, 2008)

Robyn, You know that candle thing really does work!

Just watching the flame dance around can really put your mind at peace. I also love to sit in front of the fireplace in the winter too and enjoy the show just the same.

And when the flames are not burning I really enjoy laying in bed watching my tropical fish swim around in their own little world which I have made for them! I have a 65 gal tank , and the standouts are a really cute Parrot Fish with a great personality and 6 Crazy Clown Loaches! The fish are a great distraction for this DP...

Scott


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## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

Mark said:


> Ya, I would like to know how you are doing also.


Hey all.. ive been enduring some tough stuff latley, i tried killing myself with an overdose of stilnoct.. it failed. i was sent to rehab and ive been locked up for this whole time, i wasent addicted though i had alot of counseling at the place and it helped i guess. i feel as absent as usual though after i left rehab i have been having some creepy temper tantrums, the worst thing is i cant se it comming since i dont really have any stabile contact with my emotions.. i can be totally calm one second then punch my hand into the wall and scream and kick things around. this is really scaring me.. i feel like a freak, i dont recognise myself anymore.  thanks for your concern guys.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

DUDE, go see someone ok?

The frustrating this is u arent alone, this has and is happening to EVERYONE on here. With Dp you can become so unknowingly self involved. We are all in this boat together, do not jump off. Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem.

The reason for your moods, are sheer frustration/depression/anxiety, we all get it, i just punch the fuck out of my pillows, its all frustration and built up anxiety/energy inside.

You need to enducate yourself more on dp and recognise this is not permanant. Instead of focusing on DP, focus on what caused it?

Apart from Dp/DR

What are your worst fears? Spill them ot on here, I can bet that most people will feel the same x


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## Guest (Sep 3, 2008)

Well im glad youre still alive.I did wonder.


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## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

Robsy said:


> DUDE, go see someone ok?
> 
> The frustrating this is u arent alone, this has and is happening to EVERYONE on here. With Dp you can become so unknowingly self involved. We are all in this boat together, do not jump off. Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem.
> 
> ...


the only thing im scared of is myself. :| i dont really know what caused it.. im not big on drugs, though i have been depressed.. i feel really sad now, and angry because of it.. this fucking thing sucks.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

go for it, tell me how much it sucks, go right ahead please on here tell me how much you hate it.

When u are done tell me why u were depressed x


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## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

Robsy said:


> go for it, tell me how much it sucks, go right ahead please on here tell me how much you hate it.
> 
> When u are done tell me why u were depressed x


I just fucking hate it you know, i cant live a normal life, i feel like a freak compared to my friends, it feels like im missing out on "real life" while im stuck inside my own head. if i look myself in the mirror i cant recognise myself anymore, it feels like me and the guy in the mirror has no damn connection what so ever. i feel like im a danger to myself and others and as if i am on the brink of losing it and just start manhandlig the first person in my reach. i hate myself, my life, i fucking really hate what dp has made me into. i also hate that i wherent succsessfull when i tried to kill myself, i hate that my mother cries and wonders what ive become.. but most of all i hate the fact that i kind get rid of it, that im bound to this for the rest om my days. i would do anything, and i truley mean ANYTHING to be normal.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

It sounds to me like you have a lot of hate/anger/negativity.

Your mum must feel so helpless, I can only imagine what the feels like and wish that my mum could cry for me like that. It kind of makes me wonder then, why you would hurt her so much by trying to kill yourself. I dont think you are being brave but its a pretty selfish act. You will only come back again into life n some way shape or form to finish whatever it is u need to do on this earth.

I know you hate it, but we all have it too. We can help you but no one can or will if you are suicidal.

You have a choice. Step into the dark or step into the light with the rest of us.

What was your childhood like, and how old are u if u dont mind me asking?

much love to you xxx


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## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

Robsy said:


> It sounds to me like you have a lot of hate/anger/negativity.
> What was your childhood like, and how old are u if u dont mind me asking?


Yes.. i am a angry and hateful person.. egoistic too im not denieing that.
I grew up in a bad neighborhood, my dad kicked my ass from time to time, i took my anger out by beating people up, smoking pot, taking benso etc
I waited untill i was big enough to stand up against my father, so one night i grabbed one of his golfclubs and beat him bloody. my mother and father seperated at that time, ive not heard from him since. i hope he is dead. when i grew older i ran with one of the local gangs.. shortly after i was sen to juvy. then i got out more fucked up than ever. im seventeen to answer your question.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Ok, sounds like you have had it tough. There are some stories from people on here that would also help you realise you are a) not alone and b) you would rather have your problems then theirs. NOt saying yours are of any less importance they arent.

My point is that we all have a story here. I can understand and empathize with you greatly.

One thing I will say if you take your life, they have won. All those fucked up people have won. You can get through this.

I suggest firstly you stay well away from the drugs.

Also you are 17 you are going through loads of changes in your life. Be the one to "break the cycle" in your family. It is such a task, a bit like Frodo with the ring ha it really is a journey. But sometimes no matter how bad this gets, you actually learn to love the journey.

I suggest you speak to someone too, I have therapy for my own reasons too....I too am very very angry but I would never treat people the way I was treat at times, you CAN turn it around.

The choice is yours, do you want to change? If so, we can help you, but you have to want to be helped, no more suicide stuff you are stroner than that. You must be strong to find this forum so you have s starting point.

What will it be x


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## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

Robsy said:


> What will it be x


I really appreciate you taking time for this.. i will turn it around, and i do want to change.. ill start today in fact. how should i get started though?


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Ok, talk to me/us.

What do you want to know, the best start is wanting to turn it around so well done im so proud of you!

I will introduce myself, I am Robyn and I have had DP/Dr for nearly 2 years now, but I love my life still  I have learned a lot from it and you will too.

The first step is forgiveness. By forgiving you forgive yourself too which will release a lot of your burdens/anger etc.

What I do is I go to therapy it gives me a space to be really pissed off when i wasnt "allowed" to be back then. Its cool I dont get judged and I know I have a right to be angry as do you.

Where are you from? x


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## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

Robsy said:


> O
> The first step is forgiveness. By forgiving you forgive yourself too which will release a lot of your burdens/anger etc.


Forgiving who?.. yeah though i dont think getting my anger out at a therapist session will be enough.. im from sweden, a shitty little country in the north.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

stop being negative i love sweden 

Angry at who? Id say your dad? x


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## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

Robsy said:


> stop being negative i love sweden
> 
> Angry at who? Id say your dad? x


Sorry, ill try :| yeah i guess... havent heard from him for about two years, but i guess its better that way. why do you love sweden if i may ask?


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

swedish boys 

hahah, and the beautiful scenery! of course!

Ok start by doing this, its hard but it feels great after ( i did this by the way)

write a letter to all the people that have effected ur life, get it all out say what the hell u want on the paper, after ur done sign it and burn it and throw the ashes away, keep doing this until u feel u have released everything.

Then i will tell u what to do next xx will take a few weeks i think so stick with it ok?


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## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

Robsy said:


> swedish boys
> 
> hahah, and the beautiful scenery! of course!
> 
> ...


Haha :wink: well why not? ill try it. thanks again


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## Guest (Sep 5, 2008)

I did that to Robsy when i was so full of anger i couldnt get rid of it...it really does help....I wrote it out as if i was actually going to send it to the people who had hurt me[my parents]...by the time I had finished I didnt need to send it...I generally find writing really helps me though..once I start writing I can litterally go on for hours..I have heaps and heaps of stuff ive written..hopefully theyll be a few books to come out of it all eventually....Robs is giving you some great advice lostmind..so I cant add anything usefull except to say that you can get through this.

Take care
Spirit.


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## Lostmind (Aug 12, 2008)

I wrote down everything i could think of and made one for my father, one for my mother and one for me friends.. it felt really good, thanks for the tip robsy  i feel like ive got rid of some built up anger, where do i go from here?


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Great!! Dont stop, Keep writing, give yourself a break though, like do it everyday every second day for a week or so? You will be surprised at what comes out. next step though is the forgiveness letters. Forgive everyonne that has wronged you and do the same deal!!

Then you need to forgive yourself, for allowing people to effect you like that, and u need to tell that inner child of yours u are going to look after him from now on and u wont hurt him etc - this is hard but SO REWARDING!!

Please keep me posted, we can work on it together. The dp/dr wont go away straight away it fades over a period of time, you just have to be kinds to yourself, your bodyhas had such a shock that u need to let it do what it needs to do in its own time dont force it, the body heals itself naturally, but u must get rid of toxic emotions, which is why i suggested the release letters.

Hey Lyns!! Ha  I still do the release letters sometimes, I feel im bottling stuff up, I re-read and I think, my god im being completely irrational or silly haha, it always makes so much sense at the time in my head, but then on paper im like, hang on im being silly or "yeh they deserve to hear this" etc. its good xx


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## Guest (Sep 6, 2008)

Robsy said:


> Hey Lyns!! Ha  I still do the release letters sometimes, I feel im bottling stuff up, I re-read and I think, my god im being completely irrational or silly haha, it always makes so much sense at the time in my head, but then on paper im like, hang on im being silly or "yeh they deserve to hear this" etc. its good xx


Hi Robs..lol  ......Yeah me to,though latley ive used this forum as a venting area more than jouraling it......I do that to i look back at all the stuff ive written and think "did i write that?" :? ..lol....but i find the more i write the more jigsaw bits i find to my puzzle....i like it when "things come together" through writing,when i can figure it out myself and I go "ah"...now it makes sence.

L.x


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

how you going with it all lost? x


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