# Relationships



## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

What are they supposed to be like... romantically.

Those of you with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives...

Are you allowed to have friends of the opposite sex?? Do you have friends at all... when you go out at night is it only with your significant other. Is this healthy??

I feel isolated. I want to bond with other people. I want to KNOW other people. I am fascinated with people. I want to know their thoughts... dreams, etc.

Maybe I'm just crazy... but hanging out with the same man every night for the rest of my life just doesn't seem right. And I'm not talking about f*cking either. I mean just hanging out.

Another question... if you do have friends do you see them alone or with your significant other?

I love my bf but I feel like I'm missing out on knowing people. I don't know what's appropriate and what isn't...

I wish my thoughts would come out the way theyre supposed to!!! Ugh. hope this made some type of sense.


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## The Wraith (Feb 2, 2006)

I used to want to get to know people until I realized how much deceit is involved in close relationships, and how vindictive most people can be. As far as being in a relationship romantically with someone. I think that people should be not be too hasty to fall in love. Try being someones freind and see how they treat you. In my current relationship, I don't have a problem with my girlfriend having friends. I do however have a problem with one friend in particular who seems to want to monopolize all of her time and is obsessed with her. It is like she is too naive to see it and calls me jealous because I am smart enough to see his little charades. So it isn't about wanting to keep people to yourself. No one can make anyone do anything. It is all about making sure the other person feels safe and happy. Compromise is essential.


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

IMHO.

In a relationship

Trust = Freedom.

I have many good friends and spend time with them without my family.
My partner also has no qualms about me going out with my friends on a Friday night.

She trusts me, as I do her.

It wasn't like this when we were younger but with maturity the trust grew and the relationship is better then ever. Maybe we are an anomaly in todays society.

In a relationship I believe if you think there is something better out there you will never be happy. People are always searching for the next high which is a one way path to dissatisfaction and depression.

In the end if you really want it to work you'll make it work.

Maybe I'm talking shit but that's what I have observed over the years.


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

listen to your instincts peacedove. there is a reason you are feeling this need. seek it out. dont confine yourself for the sake of another. dont make yourself responsible for their happiness. if your bf truly loves you, he will want you to be happy and feel fulfilled, not confined. thats not to say you should do things that will deliberately hurt him, and im certianly not talking about filling that void with random acts of debauchery, but you should never NEVER settle for less. and contrary to popular opinion, relationships do not equal happiness. i had to find this out the hard way. i think its better, especially when you know you have a void to fill, not to seek another person to fill it. you have to learn how to fill that void on your own. i know this is possible because i have done it. the void is not complete at the moment, but i know it certianly will be. and once it is, that is when i know i am truly ready to share my life with another. and of course, that person whoever they maybe, will have to have that personal void filled as well. its not right or fair to put that burden on anothers shoulders. 10 out of 10 you will end up dissatisfied and disappointed. similar to the feeling you are now experiencing. you gotta stand on your own two feet peacedove and learn about yourself. accept yourself. BE YOURSELF. until that empty feeling inside you is no more. your bf needs to do the same. just imagine how wonderful life would be then! without those mental crutches! without all the fear and anxiety! its almost too wonderful and too hard to imagine, but it is possible.


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

peacedove said:


> Are you allowed to have friends of the opposite sex?? Do you have friends at all... when you go out at night is it only with your significant other. Is this healthy??


Peace,
In the past relationships Ive been in... I was of course allowed friends of the opposite sex... and went out plenty without my boyfriend... I personally wouldnt have had it any other way... I have to have my freedom... the relationship wont last without it... and its not healthy in my opinion, If you do not have a separate life outside your relationship...

Try having one night a week that you spend with other friends... I think its so important... for one the relationship will probably start feeling old if he is all you have... for another if your relationship does end you will be so happy you stayed close with some friends... as they are the ones that pick you up when your heart is broken.

The only thing to be careful about is that line you shouldnt cross. I hung out with certain guys that I liked being around regardless of the fact that I knew they were attracted to me and wanted more than friendship... it caused so much tension in my relationship, and I really regret it.. it was hurtful and selfish on my part. Nothing ever happened but still it was immature of me and probably one of the reasons things fell apart...ah well live and learn.

I hope you are able to find a good balance in your relationship and life. :wink:


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

peacedove said:


> What are they supposed to be like... romantically.
> 
> Those of you with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives...
> 
> ...


i've always had friends of the opposite sex and my friends are my friends, regardless of who i'm dating. just because i'm in a relationship, doesn't mean i stop loving my friends. i've dated some people who have been o.k. with that, and some people who've had a huge problem with it. the relationships with the people who had a problem with it never lasted very long.

i see my friends alone and with my sig. other. it's nice to have some alone time with my friends and i don't think it's healthy to spend every waking second with boyfriends/girlfriends.

does your bf have friends of the opposite sex?


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

Thanks everyone for your replies. They have been helpful.



Milan said:


> In a relationship I believe if you think there is something better out there you will never be happy. People are always searching for the next high which is a one way path to dissatisfaction and depression.


I've wondered about this... How do you really know if who you are with is meant for you. Do people just settle down cuz it just seems the thing to do. I mean I know most who marry love each other... but I wonder how much of a role a sense of security and the need to fit in with society play in this decision.

When I was 15 there was no doubt in my mind I was going to marry my bf and be with him the rest of my life. Then he left one day with no explanation and just came back like two years ago. Now when I think if I'll be with him forever I'm just not sure. I don't know how I'll ever truly believe I'm going to be with anyone for the rest of my life.



rainboteers said:


> Try having one night a week that you spend with other friends... I think its so important... for one the relationship will probably start feeling old if he is all you have... for another if your relationship does end you will be so happy you stayed close with some friends... as they are the ones that pick you up when your heart is broken.


Good idea.



rainboteers said:


> The only thing to be careful about is that line you shouldnt cross. I hung out with certain guys that I liked being around regardless of the fact that I knew they were attracted to me and wanted more than friendship...


I'm thinking I might have probs with this one. It's hard for me to tell if they like me as a friend or more than that most of the time. And even if I know they do, well I don't have many friends so I guess it would be hard for me not to hang out with people cuz they want a deeper relationship. Doesn't happen very often and I just have this desire to be close to people. ??? I don't know nevermind.



agentcooper said:


> does your bf have friends of the opposite sex?


No he doesn't. I don't know if he's ever had friends of the opposite sex in his whole life. He always uses that as an excuse. "How would you feel if I hung out with other girls?" Well I don't know... he's never done it. I probably would be jealous though. :roll:

But I guess this shows we're both insecure. I know we are. Can two insecure people survive a marriage?


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

are you guys getting married?

if you would be insecure with him hanging out with girls, and he would be insecure with you hanging out with boys, it sounds like you guys have some pretty huge trust issues. i'm going to say this again (i know i've posted it in a different thread of yours)...i really don't think it sounds like you have a healthy relationship. have you ever thought that it might be for the best if you called it quits? i know i don't know everthing about your relationship but i haven't heard anything good. i don't mean to be nosey...sorry if i come off that way.


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

I wouldn't be with a guy who wouldn't allow me to hang out with other people, including men.


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