# keep going



## vin (Mar 8, 2005)

it's so funny that so many people go through almost identical stages of feeling better, it makes us realise how normal it is to through something like dp. i've been slowly progressing for a couple of years now and rarely visit these pages. but it did act as such a helpful way to tackle dp and anxiety related states. to anyone new to dp....it gets better even if you can't see how. i think the moment you realise that beating dp isn't number one on your 'to do' list then you've cracked it. you'll be fine people


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## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

vin i was on here years ago and remeber your name!  i had it back then. the past few years have been 98% DP free! i have lived! and it feels fooking good! i'm DP'd again now  but i'll beat it again! the only positive is knowing i've been here before and the time periods between episodes is longer!!


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## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

..................and i agree 100% wit your comment about when dp isn't top of your to do list! when it gets to that stage you have the ability to "turn it off"


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

It feels me with hope to see posts from someone as positive as laserdog.

A lot of people would feel sorry for themselves I'm sure, after managing to feel better, then being back at the start of it all again.

You are truly an inspiration laserdog, I myself am currently suffering a bit of a relapse, I wasn't better, but now I'm much worse. I can honestly say that reading what you have said has made me stop and think about my mindset.

*slaps self across face*

Thank you.


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## vin (Mar 8, 2005)

yeah i remember you too laserdog! keep it up, you'll get there again no probs, i'll race you!!


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## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

cheers  its been over a week now! i still have the brain fog, and a constant LIVING feeling..... the initial period i spent trying to fight every thought in my head! but know i've just let it go! rather than conciously think about what my sub concious is thinking (if that makes sense lol) i'm just letting my sub concious go round, without fighting it! obviously i'm trying to ignore it! and its working to a certain degree! i'm currently feel like i'm on a level...the constant peaks and troughs i was on last week has stopped! now i've mellowed a bit i'm still maintaining my lifestyle, so with out forcing myself to get batter i'm just gonna go with the flow, and hopefully it will go as soon as it came! its really hard as i have a gilfriend! and as i'm dp'd i feel like i've lost my relaxed state and my emotional links! which is really hard...i know there still there in the back ground! just thi dark cloud is covering it! i never wanted a girlfriend in the past as i felt like this most of the time! but last year i had a really good CLEAR year, and living felt amazing. for the first time in years i could sit on my own in a quiet room and not have one stupid thought whizzing thru my head!.....anyhow i have my girlfriend so i have to remain strong and the same for her! just my life feels like i've hit the pause key while everyone else is still on play 

but i'm remaining positive! i read a good post before with a lad comparing anxiety to a baby...i cant quiet remember all of it! but it was along the lines of anxiety is like a crying a bbaby, the more you try to respond to it the more it will cry. so in relation to your DP and anxious thoughts, the more you respond to it the more anxious you will get and the less chance you have of it fucking off!!!...lol

the hard part is, not responding negatively to this! first of all if you do you'll probably have this for a greater period as depression will kick in also. and if you put your life on hold while you have this (which i used to do) by the time you snap out of it, your life will be in a poor state. i know its hard but keep ya chin up! i am!...lol keep posting of ya progress! i know it helps me to write things down....i know my family try but in no way can they comprehend how i feel! so this is my only outlet 

cheers


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## vin (Mar 8, 2005)

yeah, like you said, it's a bonus (if you can call it that!) that you've experienced being DP free before, so coping strategies are already in place. It took me a good six months before I was able to start forgetting about DP and concentrate on other things in my life. I think DP will alwayss be with me in some form but it has no bearing on what i do anymore, ok i might stop and think it's pretty weird all this dp stuff but it doesn't stop me doing anything and has actually given me the desire to do more in my life. So for all the negatives there have been some positives(did i just admit that??!) :shock: ok take care friend, see in the promised land!


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## invisible.ink (Feb 2, 2007)

vin said:


> i think the moment you realise that beating dp isn't number one on your 'to do' list then you've cracked it. you'll be fine people


You hit the nail on the head with that. Once you push DP to the back of your mind and realize there are more important things to think about...that's when things start to get better.


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## laserdog (May 1, 2005)

**long post beware**

i got like that last time vin...just this time i'm so bogged down in this shit! that i cant seem to spark myself out of it! i've beat this before ...just i cant remember what it feels like! i'm sure its progressive! when i was normal i could look back at periods of my life and stuff and even when i felt dp'd and talk about it and stuff.

Yet like this EVERY thought is tinted with this "cloudy dark depressing feeling" which i know isn't true! my life has contained so many positives! yet in my head on a loop is all the negatives!!...

its been a while since my last post, i'm starting to flat line a bit...its not getting any worse but at the same time it ain improving! i need something to spark myself into life, then try and hold on to it and maintain it  when i'm in that state i can just brush all this shit that comes into my head away!.....

I really dont need all this crap at the minute!! it needs me more than i need it!!!! So i'm trying to ignore it..lol.... then when i get a little bit of peace in my head, i keep self checking to see if its there or gone etc.... thats the loop i need to break.....

I was getting a bit more up beat towards the weekend there... i went out sat night to a wedding, with all my friends, got drunk...and i can honestly say for the most part of that i was smiling and DP free, forgot about all the "shit thoughts" ... they never entered my mind i forgot about the whole thing!!...............then obv the next day, hangover etc..i felt like shit, which made me feel down...and i'm still a little bit down......

i tried to explain it a little bit the other day to my mam! obv shes bring up examples of how ppl feel and trying to compare but i know for sure that a non DP'r could never imagine anything what a DP'r fees!..... i was dp free at the start of the year and had depression and really bad illness! and that never triggered this off! which i'm suprised, but what i have now and depression is so different! at the minute i imagine everybody thinks i'm exactly the same! i'm acting the same etc...just my head is a wash with LIVING! its a nitemare..... depression i felt low, quiet etc and i COULDN'T pick myself up..... this feeling, altho it gets me down, i'm trying to control it! theres no way i'm going back to when i was really bad!!! this fucker aint beating me, thats for sure! i WANT to enjoy life! i'm going to enjoy life!!!!!! life is there to be ENJOYED and i will again...and when i do! i'm doing my upmost to keep it away..... looking back, i had a little few thoughts flash into my head, i beat them off, but they werelasting longer than normal, like a few seconds rather than milli seconds! i should have saw the signs and tried to avoid this relapse.

anyhow the way i described this to my mam....for me...obviously its the constant living in ya head feeling! my eyes always feel squinty? anyone else get that? when i'm better my eyes are open! and i feel brighter!....anyhow,...lol its like my head isn't waterproof, and all the bad thoughts are getting in and clouding my head. and covering the real me. when i'm 100% my head is clear and fully waterproof! any bad thought tries to get in , i can rationally ignore them and they disappear and i remain myself...at the minute i just need a spark to get me back into the moment! i'm not bothered about being stress free ..lol i just want to feel like myself again 

**so note to self....stop thinking and start living!!! so no more self checks and no more stupid thoughts!....STOP THINKING AND LIVING IN MY HEAD... and start living in the world like everyone else .....

long post but hey...i needed it...lol

when like this does everyone always feel the news is full of bad things! strange!! i'm just concentrating on bad things in the world!! weird :S


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## vin (Mar 8, 2005)

HA, thats so weird.....I wrote a song (or the beginnings of a song yesterday about the news and how its always bad!!! I bet you felt better after you wrote that down ey? we just just have too much gunk whirling around our heads. i used to wake up on a morning then literally feel the thoughts generating speed in my head, SO i learned to get them down in writing before they clogged my brain up, and it always works. So now i've started doing acoustic gigs again and wrote a few songs on the way (not classics by any means! but a great way of getting DP related stuff out my head). A therapist i saw once said - think it, write it, say it, do it. i usually skip the say it bit and just do it......anyway laserdog (by the way have you seen the film ALMOST FAMOUS? cos whenevr i read your name i think of the song FEVERDOG!!) are you living in the north? i'm around til july if you ever want to meet up...take it easy fella, Man you're gonna feel soo good when this shifts!


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