# parents who hate their children



## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

So, who can give me some more understanding about this? It seems that my mother always hated me (most) and my two sisters, but loved her two daughters from a different father. I didn't want to accept it, but after reading some stuff on the net, I do believe it's true that some mothers do not bond or want to care for their own children. I've heard more than one mother during my life say that they hated their child. Most mothers, when I was a kid, would say, "we love you kids all the same." But, I know that I have felt unloved, ignored and attacked by her all my life. She will die soon, and I need to come to terms with these feelings. Any input would help me. I never had children, so can't figure this out.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

It's a big complicated topic, I find it hard to believe that a mother can only hate their child with no other feelings towards them unless they are a complete psychopath, often anger and hate is mixed up with love which makes things even more complicated and confusing for the child. I think the majority of mothers probably have moments when they hate their children, yet I doubt many are honest enough to admit to that. Alice Miller is a psychologist who talks a lot about this sort of stuff, how child abuse isn't always the obvious stuff like physical abuse and can often take the form of subtle humiliations and quite often what people consider "normal" parenting is actually child abuse as it is intended to break the childs spirit to make them "good" or obedient as they think that is what it required to civilise the child.


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## Sleepwalker (Dec 4, 2008)

Rebekah said:


> So, who can give me some more understanding about this? It seems that my mother always hated me (most) and my two sisters, but loved her two daughters from a different father. I didn't want to accept it, but after reading some stuff on the net, I do believe it's true that some mothers do not bond or want to care for their own children. I've heard more than one mother during my life say that they hated their child. Most mothers, when I was a kid, would say, "we love you kids all the same." But, I know that I have felt unloved, ignored and attacked by her all my life. She will die soon, and I need to come to terms with these feelings. Any input would help me. I never had children, so can't figure this out.


What were her relationships like with the two fathers? 
Did she love one and hate the other? 
If so, maybe there is some transference going on here.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Rebekah said:


> So, who can give me some more understanding about this? It seems that my mother always hated me (most) and my two sisters, but loved her two daughters from a different father. I didn't want to accept it, but after reading some stuff on the net, I do believe it's true that some mothers do not bond or want to care for their own children. I've heard more than one mother during my life say that they hated their child. Most mothers, when I was a kid, would say, "we love you kids all the same." But, I know that I have felt unloved, ignored and attacked by her all my life. She will die soon, and I need to come to terms with these feelings. Any input would help me. I never had children, so can't figure this out.


There is no figuring people out. One lady told me that she didn't care for her successful, good daughter but the one she liked was always into problems. It troubled her but it was how she felt.

Another lady likes her kids but her son by her first marriage can do no wrong. She falls all over him even though he is very much a wastrel.

Lots of parents like their kids but plenty do not.

Sorry that you have suffered this way - You just have to set goals, make your life and like yourself (and try to have likeable qualities).


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

thanks for all the helpful replies. That pic of the baby being corrupted made me laugh at first (my sick mind), and then I said, OMG!! how horrible!! I really can see the connection between my DP and emotional trauma from both my abusive parents, by mostly my mother. And I have also learned that mothers can see in their children traits from the father. My two older half-sisters whom my mother gets along better with have very different personalities than the three of us who have the same father. I believe my mother and father fought and hated each other much more than my mother did with her first husband. I just sent for a book called, 18 Reasons Mothers Hate Their Babies, by Stephen Costello. Aren't too many books on the market about this taboo subject, though I did read a very interesting interview by a young woman who did admit that she couldn't bond with her daughter Catherine (different father), but could bond with her younger daughter, Poppy. I think it was a British article and can't find it again. It made my heart stop. I will be going to my counseling session tomorrow at 3pm to talk to my therapist about my broken heart.


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## sunyata samsara (Feb 18, 2011)

Visual Dude said:


> There is no figuring people out. One lady told me that she didn't care for her successful, good daughter but the one she liked was always into problems. It troubled her but it was how she felt.
> 
> Another lady likes her kids but her son by her first marriage can do no wrong. She falls all over him even though he is very much a wastrel.
> 
> ...


I think that has to do with the bad kid adopting a personality where they are good at emotional bonding to help get out of trouble. A good example is probably the coolest guy i ever known, he was bad to the bone but everyone loved him. His personality was he would treat everyone like they are his best friend and he would do it in such a way that its so over the top which is obvious to everyone but noone cared. He was a sociopath, he got kicked out of 3 different schools for fighting, example someone says a negative comment so he brakes there fingers. He was the leader of the Crypts where he lived, and the last time we hanged we got in 6 fist fights. That may say something about me too though lol, hes the reason i can pop my neck to this day, he had me in a head lock and was trying to break my neck lulz.


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