# Is this depersonalization or psychosis ????



## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

Hey guys feeling really nervous today. Im just trying to confirm that im not going crazy/psychotic and its just anxiety/depersonalization. (My second cousin has schizophrenia from smoking weed) and i dont want to end up like him  I just cant explain what is happening to me its very scary so ill write down just a few symptoms sorry its a long list its not everything i just need to get it off my chest.

Last time i went doctors at begining of year i was told i had a temporary drug psychosis from smoking weed, i was given medication which helped me and then i felt better and stopped taking it, then i got bad again and tried taking the pills like i did last time but the medicine wasnt working like it did before.

Life feels fake, vision sometimes gets blurry (almost third person) which are all common depersonalization symptoms.

- So scared alot of the time which really restricts my life.

- Suddern rush of fear that worlds fake and my heart races and i feel so sick and scared and feel like im not really here and about to disapear and i look around i feel like im not here and everything is fake. When the attack wears off and i try to think about what just happened i cant get my head around it and that scares me more.

- I cant concentrate and driving is really hard and i dont feel safe doing so.

- Cant sleep at night time cause my thoughts go crazy and i overthink. Everynight i play simpsons on my laptop and i fall asleep listening to it.

- Really bad anxiety and feel nervous for no reason

- Dejavu seems so real and im convinced i have dreamed it before which makes me feel like life is a dream.

- If i forget about all these things i feel normal again

- Symptoms are much worst after drinking, cant drink anymore or have fun i will have a panic attack and obviously cant smoke weed.

- Feel like the only person with these symptoms and that scares me badly 

- Im never excited anymore i just feel nothing

- Listening to old songs set back flashbacks from when i used to be normal and it makes me feel weird (smells also do it)

- It feels like im still high and drunk all the time, one drink will get my drunk these days its so weird.

I would appreciate it if someone read all of this and helped me im giving up. I stay home everyday and dont go gym anymore (used too everyday) I do nothing fun and im not excited about anything. My memories feel so fake and i cant remember anything, my memory is so bad.

It feels like suicide is the only way i can go because im not living the rest of my life like this. But then death scares me so much thats the only reason i wont ever commit, that and my family it will be unfair.

The only thing i look forward to is getting moto license and making youtube videos, its my only hope. Without it i would give up. Thank u all so much sorry for the long post.

Also dreams feel so real and i think about them all day. I cannot sometimes remember if something that happened was real or i just dreamed it the night before. ANyone else get this?


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

Cihan said:


> From what you've written, I can confidently say that you're suffering from depersonalization disorder and not any kind of psychosis (I'm not a professional or anything though).
> 
> I have all the same symptoms as you for 4 years and I'm still completely sane.
> 
> ...


Thank u


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

Fearless said:


> In psychotic episodes, you are not aware of the fact that you are going through something that is not normal. That has ZERO to do with depersonalization disorder, regardless of the stupidity you may read on this forum or other places.
> 
> You feel strange, and you fantasize about it, based on the feeling --> emotional reasoning. The things you list are all emotional reasonings. Cognitive distortions. They are not true.


Ahhh yes thats true thats sigh of relief thanks


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

Fearless said:


> Your creativity, your ability to think deeply both work as a fuel for your negativ, untrue, cognitive distortions.
> 
> Realize, that EVERYTIME we figure out something that is TRUE, there is a certain feeling in it. A feeling of "this is true". It feels right. We know it.
> 
> ...


Very interesting information you have here. So true haha, i guess i just scare myself


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

Cihan said:


> Fearless is considered one the best, or it sure as hell seems that way.


haha indeed ...


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

Great description of the symptoms OP, I still feel exactly the same after 3 years.

Constant fear for no reason I can understand...intense flashbacks and nostalgia in music etc....


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

Midnight said:


> Great description of the symptoms OP, I still feel exactly the same after 3 years.
> 
> Constant fear for no reason I can understand...intense flashbacks and nostalgia in music etc....


Yes exactly!

3 years, god hope i can withstand it for that long. Why does this 'disorder' shit have to happen to us? I ask myself that everyday.


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## Guest (Oct 8, 2014)

What were you initially prescribed? Why did you stop taking it?


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

Selig said:


> What were you initially prescribed? Why did you stop taking it?


zyprexa , i stopped taking it cause i felt better and my mum said it was treating me for something that i didnt have in the first place (schizophrenia) . It doesnt work anymore i havent taken it in a while now, last time it gave me panic attack (not breathing attack but an attack where everything looked unreal and my mind was going million thoughts a second) cant explain. It ended quick and i felt alright after that. I have like one tablet left now might take it tonight and sleep in till 12 or something, cant stand waking up in the middle of the night wondering where the hell i am


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

disquiet said:


> Ya i agree with everyone it doesnt sound like psychosis to me and one big thing is that fear of becoming crazy is another good sign because thats common of people with dp to fear schizophrenia


Yeah some times i hear a noise, and im not sure if its only me hearing it and i start getting scared and have to ask around to see if they can hear it aswell and of course they say yes they can hear it.


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## RafinhaBrasil (Jun 22, 2014)

you had any hallucinations of hearing voices in drug use? had some delirium? thought he was God, or that the fbi tava behind you? why the doctor has diagnosed you with psychosis? I have all these symptoms to 8 months, but already went through five psychiatrists and all very reassured me saying that I had nothing, and it was a normal condition of marijuana ..


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## anxiousWolf (Nov 1, 2014)

It could've been me who wrote that post 

Glad to know I'm not alone in this 'struggle for reality'...

Not only do I also have everything you listed in extreme, unexplainable ways. But the dreams... Omg the dreams are so real and intense and with so much meaning, when you quit weed the moment you wake up you can't distinct it from waking life anymore...

My anxiety stems from an existential angst, anxious about my consciousness. Not knowing why I exist and what my point is by 'being'. And why I'm 'me' and not for example you.

I used to smoke for 2-3 years, about 2 grams a day of premium buds. A couple of months ago I also experienced my first DP and thought this is psychosis, the state of impending doom, extreme unexplainable fear, and the unexplainable feelings of detachment were soaring high, and this after I sparked up 2 joints (really not that much). But apparently I had my first case of DP along with DR...

The mental fog will go away after a month or so. Although the derealization and depersonalization can leave you in a state of mental foginess and really as if you were high (at least with me it does). I've quit weed since my last DP anxiety attack, haven't smoked for two months now, I don't think I'll start smoking again in the near future.

Here's my story:

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/49078-existential-questions-paralysing-anxiety/

If you're like me, maybe if you see how bad my episode was, you can find comfort in knowing you're not alone

And the meds, I know for a fact psychiatric meds aren't that great, usually they just give you something which suppresses the anxious symptoms, and those pills may treat a scope of mental ilnesses such as Schizophrenia, Bipolar disorder, ...
Trust me when I tell you YOU'LL know when you're schizophrenic. You won't ponder stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable and leave you in an anxious state, but you'll also really believe it and start acting extremely weird.
And as long as you won't hear voices communicating with each other as if it was coming from an external source sometimes asking or trying to tell you stuff. That's a major indicator... Unless you're falling asleep, I found that when I'm almost asleep, I'll sometimes hear vague words or sentences. Apparently nothing to worry about. And if your doc says you're not schizo there REALLY is nothing to worry about, because they are the ones who "invented" schizo. so I guess they can recognize it just as well .


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

anxiousWolf said:


> It could've been me who wrote that post
> 
> Glad to know I'm not alone in this 'struggle for reality'...
> 
> ...


Yeah i hate going to sleep now because i hate dreaming now, im so over it and everymorning i have to confirm im still alive and im okay and this isnt a dream, then i have to think did i just dream that or did it happen last night. Im scaring myself righting this write now because its time to go bed, i think i might watch a comedy movie to distract my self lol


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## anxiousWolf (Nov 1, 2014)

AusHusky said:


> Yeah i hate going to sleep now because i hate dreaming now, im so over it and everymorning i have to confirm im still alive and im okay and this isnt a dream, then i have to think did i just dream that or did it happen last night. Im scaring myself righting this write now because its time to go bed, i think i might watch a comedy movie to distract my self lol


yeah movies help A LOT! but at night, staring at my luminescent monitor I also start freaking out, DP is some sort of trance like state and by staring constantly at one point you're inducing it. When I wake up I wonder was the dream real and waking up a dream, or the other way around. And then my day starts with a small anxiety attack. Really sucks, damn thoughts lol, leave. me. alone!


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

anxiousWolf said:


> yeah movies help A LOT! but at night, staring at my luminescent monitor I also start freaking out, DP is some sort of trance like state and by staring constantly at one point you're inducing it. When I wake up I wonder was the dream real and waking up a dream, or the other way around. And then my day starts with a small anxiety attack. Really sucks, damn thoughts lol, leave. me. alone!


THIS...

It sucks grrrr

Not to worry friend some day it will be over


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## RafinhaBrasil (Jun 22, 2014)

you got any more diagnostics? I went to a psychiatrist president of the National Institute of drugs in Brazil, Master in Pharmacology, doctor of medical sciences, psychiatrist, worked 16 years in a hospice, he told me he would rip all diplomas if I turned schizophrenic, I think you should look for another doctor, for that to be diagnosed with psychosis, you have to be delusional and hallucinating in the use of drugs, hallucinating and continue after the drug out of your body, then yes you get a diagnosis of drug-induced psychosis, and you have not hallucinated nor raved in drug use, just had an anxiety attack, am I right?


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## Hibou (Oct 25, 2014)

I can recognize myself in what you say. I have this big fear of falling asleep, because when I close my eyes I'm starting to have thoughts and images that I cannot control. But you have to know that its perfectly normal : a few minutes before falling asleep you enter in the state of hypnagogia which produce incoherent thoughts and sometimes hallucinations. When I fear about that, my body uses to wake me up by a panic attack, and I can stay hours in this state, still alive and dreaming. My DP started after a panic disorder so my therapist thinks it can be connected to a fear of losing control of my mind/body.

Another advice that I can give you is to continue to have a minimum social life and activities. Even if it is difficult to confront DP in public, it helps to focus your attention on an activity or conversation.


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## Hibou (Oct 25, 2014)

*still awake and dreaming.


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## Eclipse (Jul 25, 2014)

The music thing is interesting to me, I get this too. It's like a fleeting micro memory for me and it's of when I was OK.

Nice to see someone else who needs cartoons to go to sleep as well.


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

Hibou said:


> I can recognize myself in what you say. I have this big fear of falling asleep, because when I close my eyes I'm starting to have thoughts and images that I cannot control. But you have to know that its perfectly normal : a few minutes before falling asleep you enter in the state of hypnagogia which produce incoherent thoughts and sometimes hallucinations. When I fear about that, my body uses to wake me up by a panic attack, and I can stay hours in this state, still alive and dreaming. My DP started after a panic disorder so my therapist thinks it can be connected to a fear of losing control of my mind/body.
> 
> Another advice that I can give you is to continue to have a minimum social life and activities. Even if it is difficult to confront DP in public, it helps to focus your attention on an activity or conversation.


this has been happening to me every night lately i know that im about to finally fall alseep when i start panicing and getting scared and confused. its so weird


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

RafinhaBrasil said:


> you got any more diagnostics? I went to a psychiatrist president of the National Institute of drugs in Brazil, Master in Pharmacology, doctor of medical sciences, psychiatrist, worked 16 years in a hospice, he told me he would rip all diplomas if I turned schizophrenic, I think you should look for another doctor, for that to be diagnosed with psychosis, you have to be delusional and hallucinating in the use of drugs, hallucinating and continue after the drug out of your body, then yes you get a diagnosis of drug-induced psychosis, and you have not hallucinated nor raved in drug use, just had an anxiety attack, am I right?


yeahhh correct


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## Desanimada (Nov 9, 2014)

There are days where I also just want to end it all because I feel like I can't handle it anymore. But like you said the fear of death and the pain our families would feel losing us is greater than that desire. You probably have moments where you're engulfed in fear. During those times surround yourself with your family even if you just sit there in silence or a little farther away from them. Their presence for me at least makes me feel a little more real and there. And that those memories that feel unreal and like life happened so fast kinda subsides a bit. Right now it's not gonna away tomorrow but it doesn't mean we can't continue on. It's gonna be freaking hard and horrible some days but make some good memories NOW. Live more in the now. Try to feel your life as you live it, try to not live it from afar. Or so that's our goal because it's really hard to do that with DP.

But you're going to be alright because the fact that you posted this means you were looking for an answer. You were concerned for your family so you love them. You then have the strength to keep going because you succeded another day in not letting this stop you.

Best wishes to you and all of us


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## dropper_00 (Dec 13, 2014)

Aus husky you describe exactly how I feel. I got mine from mdma or exctacy as some people call it. It's been three months now. I've been a month on zyprexa 2.5mg. Find it helps me sleep but hasn't fixed me. How long had everyone been like this? I can't take much more but it looks like I have a long road ahead. ????


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## Guest (Dec 13, 2014)

zyprexa is an anti psychotic, has very big sedating features.I've had chronic DP for 8+ years. Have you had it chronically?


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## dropper_00 (Dec 13, 2014)

Sorry Jeff only just found this thread again. Yeah I yave severe anxiety cause by taking illicit drugs (mdma and amphetamines) I feel really strange all the time. Apparently it's dpdr which is caused by anxiety according to my phyciatrist. He said I'm having similar episodes to a manic bi polar so there for they are treating me the same. Trying to reset my brain chemicals apparently. Just continuously looking for a cure and getting no where really. ????


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## AusHusky (Aug 18, 2014)

dropper_00 said:


> Sorry Jeff only just found this thread again. Yeah I yave severe anxiety cause by taking illicit drugs (mdma and amphetamines) I feel really strange all the time. Apparently it's dpdr which is caused by anxiety according to my phyciatrist. He said I'm having similar episodes to a manic bi polar so there for they are treating me the same. Trying to reset my brain chemicals apparently. Just continuously looking for a cure and getting no where really.


That sucks


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