# Do we really get rid of it?



## D. Welch (Jul 8, 2011)

I've been reading some things here and there on this forum and decided I should join. I'm no doctor I'm just learning out loud.

I had dr and anxiety at 13 from trying some seriously strong weed that freaked me out so bad. I spent years with it until about 19 where it just seemed to disappear. I've since occasionally smoked knowing not much about what exactly happened. It just faded like a dream.

But now at 29, I'm in the forums because I got it again from the same scenario. I still don't believe it was the pot. It just upped the amps on what am I doing right-right then. Strong weed had shown to have time distortion. So you can get existentially afraid easily. I just believe we all have a very creative and powerful mind; Able to conjure superior feelings of bliss or hell. We can think of unanswerable questions all day long. I believe my freakout went like most cases you hear about but again, it feels personal, so it's hard to get over thinking no one knows what I was just feeling. But I think we do.

I'm a little disappointed when people talk all chemicals. Like it's this one or you need more of another. I think if you were "normal" before it you are only looking at the chemicals now as a aftermath to what's going on in the mind. The mind is huge. I think sometimes when I am having a anxiety episode that I could power a whole city.

The debate in my head among others with this subject, is do we ever really get over it dr or do we just become happy with the new "filter" we see though and that's that? If that's the case I could be happy either way. But I'd like to KNOW how. When getting over it the first time, I do remember spending a lot of time getting spiritual about it and repeating the good side of things no matter how bad. I didn't stay at home all the time, I was testing out life and seeing what I was capable of. Every time I was busy making waves I grew more confident.

Now I just try to comfort myself now, even when it's been so bad, that it went away once, it should happen again. But then, maybe it didn't. I think the best answer is to try to see it as straight forward as possible. I know I am disconnected from everything; like I should be having a great time right now but instead I'm just not there with it. So we know there's a reason for that. It seems everyone says the same, you're subconsciously protecting yourself. That makes the most since. If get out of dr for a time, I remember how being panicked felt so I curl back into dr. I have to ask myself when I'm existentially panicked, what part of existence can I not swallow? And is it a lie? IE a blatant irrational thought? I think we're too good at burying and running away from things. I think sometimes the dead end is that you experience a fear that isn't rational but you breath life into it as you go along as if to almost keep it alive to show someone, or yourself. Like see? This is what's scary.

Most bad thoughts need a attaching subject to effect you. The existential ones get me, because I begin to worry about being real. It becomes hard to separate out the just silly part I can throw away. 
I think the way that I could beat this again is to painfully go for what scares me until it doesn't. I want to remember what about existing high and panicked really mattered to me at that point. I like the idea of exhausting a fear away. The next step is to challenge myself at life so I relearn what life means. I can't do that form my chair, even though it feels good to hide and play video games. Once I get confident about being able to do so much with the new "filter", I hope to find no "filter" at all.


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

I think you are right on with the point of us all having extremely creative and powerful minds. I remember being able to DP myself for passing moments just by having philosophical thoughts, I could literally trip without drugs. My imagination is fucking insane, perhaps more capable of creating fearful scenarios out of nothing that others. Definitely worth exploring this. However, in my previous recovery it just seemed to disappear at a certain point. Like, life happened and then I was back in it.

Furthermore, I've always been a bit spacey. So maybe I've always been DP'd the fuck out and just had fun with it in an empowering way. I was a philosophy student, and I used to love crazy big thoughts and how they made me feel. It was empowering - like the exact opposite of DP. I would have awe and splendour as opposed to fear and loathing.


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## Guest (Jul 8, 2011)

D. Welch said:


> *I'm a little disappointed when people talk all chemicals*. Like it's this one or you need more of another. I think if you were "normal" before it you are only looking at the chemicals now as a aftermath to what's going on in the mind. The mind is huge. *I think sometimes when I am having a anxiety episode that I could power a whole city. *


agreeeeeee


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## D. Welch (Jul 8, 2011)

PhoenixDown said:


> I think you are right on with the point of us all having extremely creative and powerful minds. I remember being able to DP myself for passing moments just by having philosophical thoughts, I could literally trip without drugs. My imagination is fucking insane, perhaps more capable of creating fearful scenarios out of nothing that others. Definitely worth exploring this. However, in my previous recovery it just seemed to disappear at a certain point. Like, life happened and then I was back in it.
> Furthermore, I've always been a bit spacey. So maybe I've always been DP'd the fuck out and just had fun with it in an empowering way. I was a philosophy student, and I used to love crazy big thoughts and how they made me feel. It was empowering - like the exact opposite of DP. I would have awe and splendour as opposed to fear and loathing.


I've always been spaced out sometimes, but it's like I learned to be afraid of it later. You have got to figure diet, activity, and sleep patterns will make you feel strange as it is. I just used to be more empowered. Like I had a inside scoop on something bigger and I never felt this insecure. I hope that meditation will help me get this back and that it will snow ball into me laughing at feeling anxious.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

I think DP comes from being afraid to express, or really feel some emotions. I think for some reason we fear of certain emotions. We rather get anxiety, DP, panic attacks than to just let some emotions be.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

*Do we really get rid of it?*

Think of getting rid of it as a worthy cause, and your life as something precious to reclaim and live...


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## D. Welch (Jul 8, 2011)

Visual said:


> *Do we really get rid of it?*
> 
> Think of getting rid of it as a worthy cause, and your life as something precious to reclaim and live...


Oh I hope to, I hope to. Lately I wonder if hypnosis would work.

Side question for all from one of my other posts: Anyone notice that distances seem different? Like everything is short and small with dr, but not really of course, just the feeling. And then I'm out the world seems bigger.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

D. Welch said:


> Oh I hope to, I hope to. Lately I wonder if hypnosis would work.
> 
> Side question for all from one of my other posts: Anyone notice that distances seem different? Like everything is short and small with dr, but not really of course, just the feeling. And then I'm out the world seems bigger.


Well, depth perception has been altered. Lighting affects it, for example, step outside and look around ... then put on some dark sunglasses ... does the distance seem to change?


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## Guest (Jul 24, 2011)

D. Welch said:


> *Most bad thoughts need a attaching subject to effect you.*


agree. it's crucial to realize that the causes are not those scary thoughts you create (existential stuff, going crazy, etc.), they are just scapegoats and tools, that your fear uses to get your attention (or scare you).

the fear which has no solid object, is called anxiety. that's an underlying problem that's constantly try to transorm itself into something you fear of, to get your attention. it molds into different forms until one of them "works" (= scares the shit out of you)

DP/anxiety is a great gift. it shows you how false your fears are.


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