# losing our identity.. resolving the conflict



## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

these are a few more ideas that i find to be convincing, they are only ideas. and once again sorry so long. i dont feel like i gave justice to any explanation of a lot of these ideas. i tried to make this short and brief. if you find this interesting, explore for your self. if you dont, thats fine, you dont necessarily have to. this is just a hobby of mine.

a doctor would tell you, you havnt lost your identity. he will ask you your name and where you live and shit like that to prove that you in fact have an identity. he would claim that it is your sense of self that is unfamiliar. and no you dont really feel who you are. you just know you are, and you feel peace. you are...and thats it, right NOW. people may confuse peaceful feelings with a "sense of self" only to feel safe. for example "this" feeling is me because i just produced an image of me and "this" is the affect. you will learn that "this" isnt real. that would be the work of the ego. the ego is very dangerous and confusing. you are who you are right now no matter what you think or anyone else thinks...i think we have to be careful. when you try to develop a mental representation of who you think you are or who you want to be all in order to feel safe or to produce a more satisfying feeling of self (ego feeling), you can become lost in the vicious cycle to do so. because any time you create an image of "who you are" in order to produce a more satisfying feeling of self or "ego feeling" you have to continuously use thought to maintain that image and feeling. an image of your self is not reality. it is only a thought and that is it. a thought is not reality. reality is right now. you will be what you are no matter how any one or your self views you. you are you right now no matter what. and any attempt to interpret that into thought can misguide you and lead you astray.

thats not to say you cant choose how to react or even behave in a given situation. and im not saying you cant become familiar with your personality. what you say, how you behave, how you react to your environment or an idea, has nothing to do with "who you are". but someone with feelings of "dp" may find this hard to understand because they may try to use their behaviors and reactions in order to produce a more satisfying personality best suited for the ideal self. they will modify their behaviors and personality in an attempt to become who they think they are or who they think they want to be, or what they think they should feel. intelligent it may seem, the process of human brain and body contains more wisdom than the mind. we can not play "God" or play frankeinstein with the self.

heres the thing. when you constantly try to develop more satisfying images of your self in order to feel safe or to produce satisfying ego feelings, you actually repress reality and the feelings, sensations and emotions that you do have (the free flow of love). repression causes a depletion of emotional awareness. and the more unfamiliar your feelings become the more one desires to produce more satisfying feelings. one can easily become fixated in this vicious cycle. one has to learn to escape this cycle. one has to learn to let go and surrender, have a little faith in the human brain and body and the NOW. everything you need in order to experience peace and freedom, you already are and you already have. trying to understand "who you are" will only cause anxiety and feelings of depersonalization. because you cant understand it. not that it is unfathomable or we cant comprehend it. its just that we cant interpret reality into thought and expect the thought to be reality. a thought or image is only a thought. reality is right now. the conflicts going on within your mind right now are also reality. reality is now whether you accept it or not.

the ego needs more and more in order to survive. the ego exists because of rational thought. the ego's main concern is to feel safe. but we are already safe, even though we may be convinced that we are not. the greatest danger for people suffering with feelings of "depersonalization" is the desires of the ego. it takes more thought to produce and maintain our interpretation of our self and reality. we have to learn to surrender our desires and intentions of becoming more or experiencing more. those desires will only fuel the cycle of creating more satisfying self interpretation and ego feelings. becoming fixated in that cycle causes feelings of "depersonalization". again, reality will be whether you accept it or not. we can only silent our mind so that we can hear and see and become aware. perception is a natural affect of being aware without your interpretation of reality.

say to your self, i am....and enjoy the silence after i am. become content with that because theres nothing that you are not right now that you can become later. when you can resolve these conflicts, the feelings of being alienated from your self and the feelings of estrangement and fear will subdue naturally. the human brain and body will heal itself. we just have to allow it to. enlightenment is nothing you can attain. you can only allow it to flow. it is our design to be aware, peaceful and free. you cant play frankenstein with your self. you cant perfect perfection.

it is a constant act of surrendering your will, to the will of nature, the universe, or "God", "allah", "brahman" or whatever.. i know some people dont like that word and see it as meaningless. this idea may even seem cliche. personally i hate using words like that mainly because of so much misconception. but it is only a word. and there is a lot to be seen behind the word.
if we see the universe as a whole we see that consciousness is nothing separated from the universe. consciousness is part of the whole. the universe seems to be evolving and changing right now, from it self into its self. consciousness is only a manifestation of creation striving to become more conscious and aware. the universe is becoming aware of its self and we can only allow it to take its natural course. if you observe a single celled organism, you can find that the cell strives to become more aware of its environment in order to become better fit for survival. some cells even group together, take on separate functions of their own, work together as a whole in order to become more aware and better their chance of survival.

you may ask why do we develop an ego? well, sometimes it takes us to see what is false in order to see what is true. it is almost inevitable that we develop an ego. again, consciousness is evolving to become more aware. its just the only way it can be. one of the biggest reasons for the ego is to make us feel safe and to allow us to become aware, out of infancy, to help us survive. its inevitable. it seems to me that "dp" is an affect caused by conflicts within our ego. the next stage of human consciousness is to go beyond the ego and your interpretations and all the "mantal conflicts". i dont even know if its possible to escape the ego, thats not really what im tryin to say, thats another discussion. but we can become less and less effected by the conflicts caused by the ego and evolve to become more aware and more awakened.

resolving the feelings of "depersonalization" is a process. be patient. relax. it takes a litte practice and insight into your self to escape this vicious cycle. and most importantly do not believe anything anyone tells you, especially me. we have to see truth for our self and make it our own. look and see for your self. see truth for what it is and remember that beliefs create constructs in our mind. once we form a belief we instantly limit our self. but than again, you have to see if that is true or false for your self.


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## weedDPeedMe (Dec 12, 2009)

i agree with everything you said having been a recoverer myself ( i stay on here because i like to see how others are doing, and it helps me to feel relaxed and less alone). Anyways basically people need to realize their "life before DP" is really saying "before I became anxious and continually had anxious thoughts". Period. There is nothing more to DP than the anxious mind. It is the work of the devil (if there was such a thing). To prove that DP is just anxiety ask yourself this, do the thoughts you think make you feel anxious? I like your post but I think for the people who haven't recovered it can be EXTREMELY overwhelming. but maybe not.


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## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

i worry that it may be too much to take in at once too. the idea that maybe it will help someone along their journey is the only reason i post. yes i agree. treat it like you would treat the anxiety. because the conflicts causing the anxiety are what cause the feelings of dp. if i were to sum everything up i would say to learn how to escape the cycle of turning everything, your self, reality, and others into thought. it seems to all revolve around the attempt to create more satisfying ego feelings. people try to create images and interpretations of them self to feel safe or better. when i became aware of that i was able to stop and resolve the suffering. i cant say how much some of the books ive read have helped me. and i learned a other realizations to help me along the way.

and if i make it sound difficult, im soooo sorry. because its not. the hardest part is seeing within your self what the conflicts are. i just try to explain what those conflicts are. by doing that i may make it seem much more difficult than what it actually is. because i have to use words in such a way that might make since to everyone. again, it takes relaxation, patience, practice and a little insight. you have nothing to worry about, because it is so possible to resolve these feelings. escape the cycle. become familiar enough to recognize when you are involved in the cycle so that you actually know what you are stopping...you will be fine. dont ever lose hope. its a spiritual journey.


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## weedDPeedMe (Dec 12, 2009)

fieldsmatt31 said:


> i worry that it may be too much to take in at once too. the idea that maybe it will help someone along their journey is the only reason i post. yes i agree. treat it like you would treat the anxiety. because the conflicts causing the anxiety are what cause the feelings of dp. if i were to sum everything up i would say to learn how to escape the cycle of turning everything, your self, reality, and others into thought. it seems to all revolve around the attempt to create more satisfying ego feelings. people try to create images and interpretations of them self to feel safe or better. when i became aware of that i was able to stop and resolve the suffering. i cant say how much some of the books ive read have helped me. and i learned a other realizations to help me along the way.
> 
> and if i make it sound difficult, im soooo sorry. because its not. the hardest part is seeing within your self what the conflicts are. i just try to explain what those conflicts are. by doing that i may make it seem much more difficult than what it actually is. because i have to use words in such a way that might make since to everyone. again, it takes relaxation, patience, practice and a little insight. you have nothing to worry about, because it is so possible to resolve these feelings. escape the cycle. become familiar enough to recognize when you are involved in the cycle so that you actually know what you are stopping...you will be fine. dont ever lose hope. its a spiritual journey.


"Its a spiritual Journey" - 'nuff said.

I can't tell you how much of spiritual journey this has been. For all those that are "suffering", its because your on the wrong road of this spiritual journey, the rough threatening winds of despair have hit you hard. For me, I broke free from the chains of suffering only when I learned I was truly the holder of those restrictions, not just experiencing them. Just as reality seems to all of a sudden feel weird/odd- its the feelings/conflicts/deep inner anxiety that is creating those feelings, and if you want to think of this as an image, its like you are holding a heavy safe that contains feelings of guilt/shame/doubt/anxiety and your carrying them in your arms. All though it absolutely sounds impossible, its your set limitations that make it impossible. Realize deep inside, that EVERY feeling you have, is caused by something, but YOUR holding onto that feeling. On the inside everyone wants the same thing Happiness and content with their life situation. But what is preventing are deep inner anxiety. Before these feelings YOU NEVER thought "what is this reality?" "who am I", all these questions are attempts internally to justify dropping the "safe", but again you are afraid that it will be a mistake you will later regret. Its a one way street, once you drop the safe- You will realize how free and how lively life is once more. Its the spiritual journey you take to get there that makes the difference. I hope this helps all of you. If ANY of you guys need someone to talk to PM me, I've been where you have, I want to help you.

wdpm


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