# About to turn schizophrenic



## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

I've been really confused lately. I remember questions nurses used to ask me during psychiatric evaluations and some of them were "Where are you right now?" " What year is it?" Stuff like that. And I thought it was kinda funny at the time, but not now.

I'll be in the car with my boyfriend and I'll completely forget where we're going and what day it is. I'll remember within a few mins. but it's really scary.

Lately I have to think really hard about whether it's 2005 or 2006.

Ok so this isn't schizophrenia... but I don't know I still feel on the brink of it. I read that most women become schizophrenic in their mid to late twenties. I'm 23. And with all this unreality shit for the past 17 yrs, well I don't know I guess I'm just waiting for something to come of it.

I'm not making sense.... oh I'm really paranoid too. I always think people are laughing at me. And when I go to restaurants I'm sometimes scared that the workers put stuff in my food like LSD. I eat my food anyways and so far no LSD... but I still worry about it at times.

I have many theories for how I became DP'd. One of them is I was abducted by aliens when I was a child and this DP is an experiment they're performing on me. So thinking this as a serious possiblilty makes me feel schizophrenic.

And then there are times when I think I'd be better off if I was schizophrenic. Someone on this board sounded like she's perfectly content being schizophrenic. Man, if I could be content I'd trade DP for schizophrenia any day. Who cares if I'm not in reality, but think I am and everyone else is wrong... as long as I'm happy and not hurting people right?


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## peaceboy23 (May 25, 2005)

Do you ever get the feeling that all of a sudden there is nothing in your head, no thought and it's like you forget everything about yourself and where you are for a second? That's the big one that really gets me. It's the biggest remaining obstacle to getting fully better. I dont' feel too unreal or things don't seem all that unreal, but this thought thing is annoying (and scary) as hell. I feel like I'm going to stop thinking, or that I'm going to stop understanding my thoughts and this huge rush of fear whelms inside me. It's weird, I feel sometimes like I'm trying to make sure I keep thinking thoughts or else I'll stop thinking them and I'll wither and fall to the ground or implode or something, or just go stark raving mad. The weird thing is that I'm obvoiusly thinking something when I'm feeling like I'm not thinking anything, but it's really crappy and scary.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

You have to learn how to float right by crazy thoughts. 
Read the book. Relax. Accept. Float.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

For a start - those questions that you have been asked by the psychiatric nurse are standard questions they ask anyone with a psychological complaint. I've been asked 'Are you hearing voices?' time and time again, on the occassion that I've been forced to drag my fat ass down the doctors, dribbling with fear. Sometimes I think it would be easier to say yes. That way I might not have to wait twenty years for some help.

The 'fear of schizophrenia' is extremely common amoungst us DR/DP'ers. I was gripped with the thought of it, to the brink of OCD, while I had DR/DP. In a way I suppose it's a natural thought, considering how weird you feel. But Schizophrenia is a completely different kettle of fish from DR/DP. While it's 'possible' that DR/DP may be a pre-cursor to a psychotic illness, it's extremely unlikely. And from reading your post it seems like you've had DR/DP for quite a while - without any psychotic indicators, so if I were a betting man, I'd say that the chances are that you're not 'going to go mad'.

Remember, although it's difficult (and it took me a while to learn), it really is pointless you devoting enormous amounts of mental energy to scrutinising your symptoms looking for evidence of schizoprehnia, or whatever. By doing this, you're just feeding your illness.


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## Luka (Aug 30, 2005)

> Do you ever get the feeling that all of a sudden there is nothing in your head, no thought and it's like you forget everything about yourself and where you are for a second? That's the big one that really gets me. It's the biggest remaining obstacle to getting fully better. I dont' feel too unreal or things don't seem all that unreal, but this thought thing is annoying (and scary) as hell. I feel like I'm going to stop thinking, or that I'm going to stop understanding my thoughts and this huge rush of fear whelms inside me. It's weird, I feel sometimes like I'm trying to make sure I keep thinking thoughts or else I'll stop thinking them and I'll wither and fall to the ground or implode or something, or just go stark raving mad. The weird thing is that I'm obvoiusly thinking something when I'm feeling like I'm not thinking anything, but it's really crappy and scary.


Wow, that's what I'm experiencing too! Well said!


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## Guest (Sep 27, 2005)

Doctors don't ask you those questions (about being oriented in time and place) to see if you KNOW where you are as much as they are trying to see how you react to the question itself. Sometimes, if a person is highly confused mentally, he will act (probably like you did) nervous and defensive and maybe offer an excuse/explanation for WHY they can't remember the date, etc..... But other times (more in psychotic states) the person will become defensive in an entirely OTHER way - they say and do things in response to the anxiety of being asked that are quite odd and seem to make no sense to the observer.

one of the most reliable hallmarks for schizophrenia is what the patient DOES in response to massive anxiety (not how he FEELS - but what he DOES)

Don't ever assume you know WHY or WHAT the question is designed to accomplish.

And listen, guys, just please trust me. ANY mental health professional with a modicum of common sense and sound training would listen to your monologue up there and COMPLETELY rule out schizophrenia and instead write down a large "O" in their case notes, grin...for HIGHLY, HIGHLYYYYYYYYYYY Obsessive personality.

L,
J


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> ANY mental health professional with a modicum of common sense and sound training would listen to your monologue up there and COMPLETELY rule out schizophrenia


Absolutely.


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## Guest (Sep 28, 2005)

peacedove said:


> Lately I have to think really hard about whether it's 2005 or 2006.


Sounds like me. We're probably both preoccupied with other stuff so that we forget more relevant stuff like "where we are going" and "which day it is". 
If it makes you feel any better, I'm 26 now, and around 22 is was really feeling desperate and asked a shrink to test me for shizofrenia. Turned out I'm perfectly normal. I probably just have an overly active mind and u probably do too, as far as I can tell. The good thing is it makes me more creative than average and it makes me think out of the box.

I'd also like to add that I also still think that I'm seeing reality as it is and everyone else is ignoring it. I've learned to live with that. Basically I think the way we live these days is surreal in its own way. If I look at cities made up completely out of concrete, filled with crowded places and such, plus a total lack of compasion, then I think no wonder I feel derealized.


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

Thats the illness talking. The society we live in is the best it can be. The American way of life must be maintained. Take your medication and relax. Go out to a mall and buy something. You'll feel better, I promise.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

So what *does* a schizophrenic do when asked an anxiety-producing question?


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## Guest (Sep 29, 2005)

> So what *does* a schizophrenic do when asked an anxiety-producing question?


Are ya KIDDIN' me?!?! LOL>.....why don't I just get a gun and shoot these poor board members....

I know what I was like when all I needed was a little information and I was off and SEEING it in myself at every turn.

Sorry. No schizophrenic insider info from me, grin

L,
J


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

JanineBaker said:


> Sometimes, if a person is highly confused mentally, he will act (probably like you did) nervous and defensive and maybe offer an excuse/explanation for WHY they can't remember the date, etc.....


Are you saying I'm highly confused mentally? :? If so I'd have to agree with you of course. Oh and I did say that in my original post didn't I.

I didn't really act defensive... I just kinda smiled with raised eyebrows like, are you serious? And then I would answer correctly and they'd tell me they have to ask everyone that question.


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

dotorc said:


> Basically I think the way we live these days is surreal in its own way. If I look at cities made up completely out of concrete, filled with crowded places and such, plus a total lack of compasion, then I think no wonder I feel derealized.


Yes I've thought that too.



peaceboy23 said:


> I feel like I'm going to stop thinking, or that I'm going to stop understanding my thoughts and this huge rush of fear whelms inside me. It's weird, I feel sometimes like I'm trying to make sure I keep thinking thoughts or else I'll stop thinking them and I'll wither and fall to the ground or implode or something, or just go stark raving mad.


Sometimes I say my name to myself to make sure I still know it. It amazes me that I still understand English. It amazes me that I can understand anything at all... and I fear one day I won't anymore and I'll go stark raving mad as you said and my parents and family members will come visit me in the mental hospital and I'll just be sitting there all vegetable-like... either that or running around speaking incoherently.

Thanks all for your replies and assurance.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

i used to think that there were cameras watching me in the bathroom

and that people from school could see my every move and use it to make fun of me

man those school people were some smart fuck ers

and people like Janine STILL say i'm sane.

[i think she's outside of my house right now]


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

JanineBaker said:


> > So what *does* a schizophrenic do when asked an anxiety-producing question?
> 
> 
> Are ya KIDDIN' me?!?! LOL>.....why don't I just get a gun and shoot these poor board members....
> ...


Arghh. PM me then, wudja? I'm in no danger myself. Sorry that I didn't realize others might be.


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

Oh just post it here. No secrets. I hate secrets.

Don't make me go research it myself.


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## triplesix (Aug 31, 2005)

Cognitive Symptoms of Schizophrenia
Cognitive symptoms refer to the difficulties with concentration and memory. These can include: 
disorganized thinking 
slow thinking 
difficulty understanding 
poor concentration 
poor memory 
difficulty expressing thoughts 
difficulty integrating thoughts, feelings and behavior

ok now i have poor memory and the dr more then the dp but i was reading this i mean does having poor memory mean im Schizo.......


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

Oh wow. I have all of those.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

I think it would be good to keep in mind (and I'm speaking to myself as much as to anyone else) that several people who have schizophrenia are a part of this forum. Having that illness is not the end of the world, and many people with it live fulfilling, creative, and happy lives.


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## Guest (Sep 29, 2005)

Scattered said:


> Thats the illness talking. The society we live in is the best it can be. The American way of life must be maintained. Take your medication and relax. Go out to a mall and buy something. You'll feel better, I promise.


Thanks for the advice. You're right that that is the illness. But on the otherhand, the mall, which you mentioned, is about as close to hell as I can get. For me a mall symbolizes everything artificial in this life. You're right that we're best of in Western culture but I also believe in Eastern philosophy where there is personal growth througout our entire lives. Going to the mall is the same thing over and over again. And the more I grow up the less I am interested in material needs. I prefer small shops where the owners have something meaningfull to say. I don't believe at all in the American dream, also because I don't live there but still. Seeing commerce everywhere is one of my biggest frustrations.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Scatted - from one bullshitter to another. You should focus your sarcasm on something productive, like revenge. It's wasted otherwise.


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## Guest (Sep 29, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> Scatted - from one bullshitter to another. You should focus your sarcasm on something productive, like revenge. It's wasted otherwise.


What ? Seriously, who are you talking/referring to ?

edit : Scattered was sarcastic ? hummm...totally missed that then.


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## widescreened (Jun 22, 2005)

i think we have to trust Janine on this one,and ourselves.None of us 99.9999% of us arent schizo.Ive seen them on busses and believe me,are totally different characters.We have insight,arent psychotic and they dont.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> Ive seen them on busses


Sorry, it's not funny, but I've been giggling for five minutes non-stop after reading that. I don't know why.

:lol:


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## triplesix (Aug 31, 2005)

ok so since some of the things that are dp/dr then whats to say that we arnt (hoping we/i are not) and cant we get the wrong diegnoses from a doctor i mean there are so meany simularaties in dissoative disorder and schicophrenic disorder i mean is there a test that we can take to see what we have........


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

triplesix said:


> Cognitive Symptoms of Schizophrenia
> Cognitive symptoms refer to the difficulties with concentration and memory. These can include:
> disorganized thinking
> slow thinking
> ...


Keep in mind people that this list reads about the same for symptoms of acute anxiety. In fact, just about every psychological laundry list like this reads about the same. Vague. Illusory. Non-commitaled (And yes, that is a word).

s.


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## widescreened (Jun 22, 2005)

you forgot to include hypochondria on your list Sebastian.It should have been at the top of it.


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

Nobody understands me except martinelv.


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## MrMortgage (Aug 26, 2005)

I thought I was turning schizo for about 5 months. For example...you know how you can imgaine things, like if some told you to imagine yourself in a car. And if you think hard enough you can picture yourself in a car.

Well because of that I thought I was seeing things. Plus I had fears and urges that I was about to lose control and choke someone, or stab someone.

So through all that crap I thought I had dementia, phycosis, schizophernia, brain tumor, alzheimers...basically I thought I had a bunch of crap.


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## Phill (Sep 27, 2004)

widescreened said:


> Ive seen them on busses


I thought that was hilarious too. 
Maybe Martinelv and me have a similar sense of humor.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

sebastian said:


> triplesix said:
> 
> 
> > Non-commitaled (And yes, that is a word).
> ...


The word I think you want is _noncommittal_.

Soj, your friendly editor


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Do you think it's funny to the folks who visit this forum and have told us they have schizophrenia?


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

Sojourner said:


> I think it would be good to keep in mind (and I'm speaking to myself as much as to anyone else) that several people who have schizophrenia are a part of this forum. Having that illness is not the end of the world, and many people with it live fulfilling, creative, and happy lives.


I agree. I didn't mean for this thread to be a knock to anyone. I would really appreciate some insight from anyone with schizophrenia. (And yes they are insightful) I visit some of their support forums occasionally and they've always been kind and helpful to me.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

I forget the two people here who said they had schizophrena. Blackwinded
and the other one I can't recall. There was an active thread here within the last three weeks and it was very interesting. I presume they're taking medication and seem to be doing all right. Both are highly intelligent and quite lucid, in my opinion.


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## jake (Jul 12, 2005)

I can only say my Mom was paranoid schizophrenic and she the poor thing went untreated, and I might add was no picnic growing up with that illness for us kids. Meds and tx have come a long way but I still wouldnt wish it on anyone, nor what I have. But I am grateful it skipped over me.
---Jake


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## Phill (Sep 27, 2004)

Sojourner said:


> Do you think it's funny to the folks who visit this forum and have told us they have schizophrenia?


No, of course it's not funny.
I guess it was the writing style or the way in which it was expressed
by the person who wrote it.

I work with 3 people with scizophrenia twice a week and you just can't 
generalize. 
They are really nice people too.
Sorry, i hope i didnt offend anyone.


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## jake (Jul 12, 2005)

I have to say I cracked up laughing at the "seen them on the bus" part too, it just struck me funny. I too, hope nobody got hurt or offended/ Sometimes words on the board just sound funny the way they are put.
__Jake


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