# Med Student with Depersonalization Disorder



## IWillGetBetter

Hi everyone. Just wanted to let you know that there is hope, and relay some useful information.

Quick backstory on myself. I am in my late twenties, and a current medical student. When I was a kid, I would have panic attacks (looking back, I know now that they were panic attacks) ever so often, but I was never really diagnosed or taken to a psychiatrist to my knowledge. It got so bad one time that I was hyperventilating, and a fire crew even came. But then I relaxed finally, and everything was "fine." I come from a broken home, but nothing too violent or out of the ordinary occurred to my knowledge.

Some background on drugs/addiction: When I was in high school, I did snort meth (speed) for about a year. I also smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol, but not much. From high school to about mid-twenties, I found myself a very anxious, and depressed person. In high school, I was much more reckless, but it seemed as though I was getting more and more scared of life.

So I went to a psychiatrist (after several attempts at psychotherapy that helped moderately), and was prescribed an SSRI (raises serotonin levels to treat depression/anxiety). It did not work. I quit cold turkey (NOT RECOMMENDED EVER), and then I had my first experience with depersonalization in my adult years, although I believe that it began when i was a child (POST-panic attacks...something must have upset my brain when I was younger such as a traumatic memory I cannot remember). I began to have depersonlization ALONG with major anxiety throughout the day, and I began to worry about my worry, etc. Classic panic/anxiety disorder in a sense. Although, back then, I had no idea what was happening.

I have had this problem ever since (almost 7 years now). How it feels: my heart beats/i sweat, etc. (all the sympathetic nervous system stuff jolts) at the moment I look around and realize that "oh crap, who am i, why am i here, what is this". My experience is much more "mental" than physical (although medicine tries to look at everything physiologically without regard to the "mind" which is actually probably correct). This happens on and off until I eventually get distracted and forget about it. But I will get this for weeks/months at a time wherein I will have a series of episodes on a daily basis at least 2-3 times a day/night. It's horrible.

What I have learned from talking to psychiatrists at my school (I have NEVER told them I have this problem...it is too personal to me...although I know I should probably tell somebody in the psych ward one day when I feel comfortable): it is theorized that the brain is having mini-seizures and/or underactivity in the limbic areas (emotion, attention, memory). Therefore, some doctors will prescribe anti-convulsants or even anti-psychotics. Anti-convulsants tend to bring up GABA transmission (inhibiting effect on hyperactive neurons in brain leads to less seizures) and anti-psychs tend to lessen dopamine transmission (implicated in many psychotic disorders).

But overall, psychiatrists have a hard time treating this disorder when it appears on its own. When you have a panic disorder, many times depersonlization is a symptom. But when depersonalization appears on its own, it gets tricky. But i think most of us have some form of anxiety about it, otherwise we would not be worried about it? Maybe I am wrong.

What I have done by accident and what I noticed that HELPED: Drugs aside (although, talk to a psychiatrist if you have the money because it may help to take one of the antipsych meds)...when I started medical school, I was thrown into a world where I had to 1) study, 2) work in a hospital (not immediately, but later in my studenthood), and 3) make friends/social network and be very social. Although I did not HAVE to do this. But I happened to end up getting situated pretty well in my school. I have about one weird day with depersonalization episodes about once every couple months present day. When I was back home, and not in school, I had a lot more time on my hands, and I spent a lot of time by myself.

My point: I think that this disease can be solved by changing your surroundings. Maybe you can start a new life. Maybe depersaonlization is a signal that something is not comfortable, or ideal in your life, and you need to try and change it. Once I started med school, it got so much better. I felt much mroe comfortable in my skin. It doesn't have to be med school, it could be any new job or situation that you have had your mind set on. Somewhere you can be social and learn new skills and BE DISTRACTED. With distraction comes LIFE. If you are internalizing everything, it becomes much more easy to start freaking out about WHO YOU ARE or what life is or WHY DO I KEEP HAVING THESE DAMN EPISODES.

What it may be: It may be caused by drugs. I took a lot when I was younger. Or, more likely, it was because that is how I was born AND the drugs did not help my brain develop properly. Regardless, the "damage" is done, and I am positive there is hope in new social situations and looking at life as if you are useful to this world, and not just the living dead.

Please be well. And dont' get scared. I promise I will try to not do that too. !!!!!!!


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## EverDream

IWillGetBetter said:


> ransmission (implicated in many psychotic disorders).
> 
> My point: I think that this disease can be solved by changing your surroundings. Maybe you can start a new life. Maybe depersaonlization is a signal that something is not comfortable, or ideal in your life, and you need to try and change it. Once I started med school, it got so much better. I felt much mroe comfortable in my skin. It doesn't have to be med school, it could be any new job or situation that you have had your mind set on. Somewhere you can be social and learn new skills and BE DISTRACTED. With distraction comes LIFE. If you are internalizing everything, it becomes much more easy to start freaking out about WHO YOU ARE or what life is or WHY DO I KEEP HAVING THESE DAMN EPISODES.


I agree. My DP/DR got better after taking Effexor and after some time in the uni and getting more social. I see DP as a wake up call but the probelm is that DP and also depression and anxiety, makes it a lot harder to make a change. At the start of my DP, it was so intense I couldn't leave my home. DR was actualy the harder part. Effexor made it possible for me to start uni. Then the stress of it made my DP and anxiety worse. After some time my anxiety levels got better and then my DP was better. Nowadays I still have DP (though not as bad as it used to be but still sucks) and I feel it's because I still have to change my life a lot. The problem is that I suffer from depressin that makes it a lot harder to make a change. So basicly it's a cruel cycle. Not so easy...


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## Thunderlordcid

IWillGetBetter said:


> Hi everyone. Just wanted to let you know that there is hope, and relay some useful information.
> 
> Quick backstory on myself. I am in my late twenties, and a current medical student. When I was a kid, I would have panic attacks (looking back, I know now that they were panic attacks) ever so often, but I was never really diagnosed or taken to a psychiatrist to my knowledge. It got so bad one time that I was hyperventilating, and a fire crew even came. But then I relaxed finally, and everything was "fine." I come from a broken home, but nothing too violent or out of the ordinary occurred to my knowledge.
> 
> Some background on drugs/addiction: When I was in high school, I did snort meth (speed) for about a year. I also smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol, but not much. From high school to about mid-twenties, I found myself a very anxious, and depressed person. In high school, I was much more reckless, but it seemed as though I was getting more and more scared of life.
> 
> So I went to a psychiatrist (after several attempts at psychotherapy that helped moderately), and was prescribed an SSRI (raises serotonin levels to treat depression/anxiety). It did not work. I quit cold turkey (NOT RECOMMENDED EVER), and then I had my first experience with depersonalization in my adult years, although I believe that it began when i was a child (POST-panic attacks...something must have upset my brain when I was younger such as a traumatic memory I cannot remember). I began to have depersonlization ALONG with major anxiety throughout the day, and I began to worry about my worry, etc. Classic panic/anxiety disorder in a sense. Although, back then, I had no idea what was happening.
> 
> I have had this problem ever since (almost 7 years now). How it feels: my heart beats/i sweat, etc. (all the sympathetic nervous system stuff jolts) at the moment I look around and realize that "oh crap, who am i, why am i here, what is this". My experience is much more "mental" than physical (although medicine tries to look at everything physiologically without regard to the "mind" which is actually probably correct). This happens on and off until I eventually get distracted and forget about it. But I will get this for weeks/months at a time wherein I will have a series of episodes on a daily basis at least 2-3 times a day/night. It's horrible.
> 
> What I have learned from talking to psychiatrists at my school (I have NEVER told them I have this problem...it is too personal to me...although I know I should probably tell somebody in the psych ward one day when I feel comfortable): it is theorized that the brain is having mini-seizures and/or underactivity in the limbic areas (emotion, attention, memory). Therefore, some doctors will prescribe anti-convulsants or even anti-psychotics. Anti-convulsants tend to bring up GABA transmission (inhibiting effect on hyperactive neurons in brain leads to less seizures) and anti-psychs tend to lessen dopamine transmission (implicated in many psychotic disorders).
> 
> But overall, psychiatrists have a hard time treating this disorder when it appears on its own. When you have a panic disorder, many times depersonlization is a symptom. But when depersonalization appears on its own, it gets tricky. But i think most of us have some form of anxiety about it, otherwise we would not be worried about it? Maybe I am wrong.
> 
> What I have done by accident and what I noticed that HELPED: Drugs aside (although, talk to a psychiatrist if you have the money because it may help to take one of the antipsych meds)...when I started medical school, I was thrown into a world where I had to 1) study, 2) work in a hospital (not immediately, but later in my studenthood), and 3) make friends/social network and be very social. Although I did not HAVE to do this. But I happened to end up getting situated pretty well in my school. I have about one weird day with depersonalization episodes about once every couple months present day. When I was back home, and not in school, I had a lot more time on my hands, and I spent a lot of time by myself.
> 
> My point: I think that this disease can be solved by changing your surroundings. Maybe you can start a new life. Maybe depersaonlization is a signal that something is not comfortable, or ideal in your life, and you need to try and change it. Once I started med school, it got so much better. I felt much mroe comfortable in my skin. It doesn't have to be med school, it could be any new job or situation that you have had your mind set on. Somewhere you can be social and learn new skills and BE DISTRACTED. With distraction comes LIFE. If you are internalizing everything, it becomes much more easy to start freaking out about WHO YOU ARE or what life is or WHY DO I KEEP HAVING THESE DAMN EPISODES.
> 
> What it may be: It may be caused by drugs. I took a lot when I was younger. Or, more likely, it was because that is how I was born AND the drugs did not help my brain develop properly. Regardless, the "damage" is done, and I am positive there is hope in new social situations and looking at life as if you are useful to this world, and not just the living dead.
> 
> Please be well. And dont' get scared. I promise I will try to not do that too. !!!!!!!


Hey there. I'm 18 and I'm just starting school (Biomedical Engineering/Nursing, so we're in the same field







) and I'm wondering is there anything that helps you study? I'm taking Anatomy and it's not bad when we're doing labs, but when she starts her lecture and just "BLAH BLAH BLAH" I start spacing out like a mad man. Did you have the same problem? If so then what did you do to help alleviate the DP. I'm finding out that I have to force myself to study, but it helps. Also, do you think Biomedical Engineering is a good undergrad to apply to Med School with? I want to take the MCAT just to do it. If I score good then I'll go ahead and apply to Medical School. If not, meh, I got BME to fall back on. Anyway, thanks in advice for any input.


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## Guest

Thank you for the encouraging post. I beg of you -- one thing. Find some way to educate other doctors about this. I am 51 and have been through the ringer of psychiatry since I was 15. (1975) Some know EXACTLY what DP is, others have NO CLUE.

There is a new Medical Text Book out. I bought it ... had to ... please read it, I BEG OF YOU as a member of the medical profession, and someone who will understand your pateints ... and see if you can get copies added to your Medical Library. Also, mention this to any professional you can ... the syndrome ... the book. This book is FANTASTIC. The best one I've seen on the subject.

*Depersonalization: A New Look at a Neglected Syndrome* by Mauricio Sierra, M.D., Ph.D., Cambridge University Press, 2009. It is a full MEDICAL Textbook ... rather thin but comprehensive. I do everything I can to educate people about this, but also doctors. The problem is some doctors/med students are open to my advocacy, and others get furious, literally, that "I'm trying to teach them." Apparently that makes me a Narcissist. OMG.

I have a Dx of GAD, clinical depression, and chronic Depersonalization Disorder.

I take two "anti-convulsants" -- the things are used for everything now. But Klonpin, 6mg/day first given to me in 1987, finally started relieving my life-long symptoms. Later adding Lamictal 200mg, and Celexa 40mg added a bit more help. Therapy for coping has also helped. And yes, being as social as possible, no matter if it is a small thing or something else.

Check out my website as well about my experience: http://www.dreamchild.net

THANK YOU!


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## IWillGetBetter

Haha okay. I will try to keep it in the mix in my future career. Thanks for the info and cool website.



Dreamer* said:


> Thank you for the encouraging post. I beg of you -- one thing. Find some way to educate other doctors about this. I am 51 and have been through the ringer of psychiatry since I was 15. (1975) Some know EXACTLY what DP is, others have NO CLUE.
> 
> There is a new Medical Text Book out. I bought it ... had to ... please read it, I BEG OF YOU as a member of the medical profession, and someone who will understand your pateints ... and see if you can get copies added to your Medical Library. Also, mention this to any professional you can ... the syndrome ... the book. This book is FANTASTIC. The best one I've seen on the subject.
> 
> *Depersonalization: A New Look at a Neglected Syndrome* by Mauricio Sierra, M.D., Ph.D., Cambridge University Press, 2009. It is a full MEDICAL Textbook ... rather thin but comprehensive. I do everything I can to educate people about this, but also doctors. The problem is some doctors/med students are open to my advocacy, and others get furious, literally, that "I'm trying to teach them." Apparently that makes me a Narcissist. OMG.
> 
> I have a Dx of GAD, clinical depression, and chronic Depersonalization Disorder.
> 
> I take two "anti-convulsants" -- the things are used for everything now. But Klonpin, 6mg/day first given to me in 1987, finally started relieving my life-long symptoms. Later adding Lamictal 200mg, and Celexa 40mg added a bit more help. Therapy for coping has also helped. And yes, being as social as possible, no matter if it is a small thing or something else.
> 
> Check out my website as well about my experience: http://www.dreamchild.net
> 
> THANK YOU!


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## IWillGetBetter

Hi

It doesn't matter what undergrad you pick as long as you do really well in your science courses (chem/phys/bio), and you do pretty well in the rest of the courses. Make sure you volunteer at a hospital and do a little research and maybe some community service. You have 4 years to fit this in so I'm sure you'll find the time. Just don't stress about it. It's easy to get stressed, then feel like "what's the point of this? who am i????" and become a crazy person (my experience anyway, haha).

Your problem concentrating in class may or may not be related to this DP/DR thing. I'm not sure who you are or what your problems are so you may or may not have to go to a psychiatrist/psychologist to get yourself checked out. And you may or may not believe you need to, etc. Problems concentrating are pretty common in the world as a whole especially in college. That is part of the challenge of going to school. You need to focus. But if you feel like you are having panic attacks or are extremely depressed, etc. then you really need to get yourself some help.

My advice: do not EVER do drugs to escape (no alcohol, or any other addictive substances...), go to a psychiatrist for an evaluation if you feel like you're going nuts, and have fun with your life. Try to "ride out the DP/DR". For me, it went away naturally pretty much. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just in a quiet phase. But it seems like I've found the solution for myself: keep BUSY (aim for becoming a surgeon? haha), have a wide, very wide social circle with a few really good friends you can trust, be close to your family (if you have one; although mine is across the country...oh well), exercise and eat healthy, don't do drugs/smoke, try to keep paranoia/anxiety at bay by maybe even meditating (ZEN meditation is awesome) (I did this for awhile and it seemed to help too before I started med school), and finally, aim for a goal in your life that you truly believe in....Being a doctor is something that allows you to physically help people on a daily basis (not always of course). If you do this...can you really think to yourself, "what is the point? who am i? why am i here? why do i feel like this?" You could, and probably will...but in reality, the REAL reality, you ARE doing something useful. So there IS a point. Get it?

Also, something to get you a little excited but may be a bummer for us older folk...myelination in your central nervous system (look it up since you have interest in medicine) keeps going until you turn about 25 years of age. It is pretty much accepted that teenagers are more reckless than adutls for this very same reason; that they have yet to develop the speedier connections between neurons from (for example...) thalamus to prefrontal cortex. So for instance, I think I mentioned that my DP/DR has only recently gotten better. I'm in my late twenties. It may be that I was a little late on myelination in comparison to other people. Just a theory. Just some hope.

Don't worry. Even if it doesn't go away. You still know that there are a bunch of other crazies out there. Some may even be your medical school peers or even the attending that you work for. Good luck.



Thunderlordcid said:


> Hey there. I'm 18 and I'm just starting school (Biomedical Engineering/Nursing, so we're in the same field
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ) and I'm wondering is there anything that helps you study? I'm taking Anatomy and it's not bad when we're doing labs, but when she starts her lecture and just "BLAH BLAH BLAH" I start spacing out like a mad man. Did you have the same problem? If so then what did you do to help alleviate the DP. I'm finding out that I have to force myself to study, but it helps. Also, do you think Biomedical Engineering is a good undergrad to apply to Med School with? I want to take the MCAT just to do it. If I score good then I'll go ahead and apply to Medical School. If not, meh, I got BME to fall back on. Anyway, thanks in advice for any input.


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## IWillGetBetter

That is interesting. When I took Effexor, then I came off of it, I started having my first memories of these episodes. Who knows...I think I had them before effexor.

I'm so sorry you couldn't leave your home. That is much more intense than I had/have it. I really feel for you.

Maybe a university is not the answer? It seems like being social helps but then your school stresses you out? Maybe try a different path? I'm not sure what you could do, but there is a multitude of options in this world of interesting things to do and ways to make money/careers.

And if you're still depressed, you gotta tell your doc. Maybe your dose is too low or a different med could help. It's amazing the way people just bounce back when their meds finally click. So don't give up. There are lists and lists of drugs you can try! Haha. No but seriously, maybe there's a better combo, etc. Good luck. You will be fine. Just work with your doc.



EverDream said:


> I agree. My DP/DR got better after taking Effexor and after some time in the uni and getting more social. I see DP as a wake up call but the probelm is that DP and also depression and anxiety, makes it a lot harder to make a change. At the start of my DP, it was so intense I couldn't leave my home. DR was actualy the harder part. Effexor made it possible for me to start uni. Then the stress of it made my DP and anxiety worse. After some time my anxiety levels got better and then my DP was better. Nowadays I still have DP (though not as bad as it used to be but still sucks) and I feel it's because I still have to change my life a lot. The problem is that I suffer from depressin that makes it a lot harder to make a change. So basicly it's a cruel cycle. Not so easy...


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## hoot

I want to add that improving your diet might also help, especially if you're consuming a lot of junk food and sugar.

Recently I've removed simple carbohydrates (sugars, white rice, candy etc.), gluten (wheat, rye, oats, barley etc.) and lactose (milk, yoghurt etc.) from my diet and feel a lot better, my DR is much milder and bearable now. Basically what I'm eating is organic beef, chicken, lamb, eggs, vegetables, lentils, olive oil, spices, some fruits, nuts, seeds and I only drink mineral or spring water. I plan to do this for another 3 months, and then begin to diversify, maybe add some brown rice and dark chocolate. Probably going to get a gene test done, see if it's gluten intolerance that has exacerbated my DR, as I've also had digestive issues.


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