# Making the first step - Does this sound like derealisation?



## TheSmogMonster (Aug 27, 2007)

Please forgive me if I'm covering old ground, Im just really on a bit of a downer since I heard about DR/DP.

The other night laying in bed with my partner I started to talk about how I was feeling, I've been ill a couple of weeks, bad flu and its knocked me for 6, I started talking about all the weird co-incidences in my life and how I feel so seperate from reality, always going along with the flow.

I'd talked to her about this before, the bizarre co-incidences are real, I've checked with her, but they are nothing more then co-incidences, and I always felt scared that reality would just pop out of existance once I solved the puzzle of my life.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I never considered I was medically ill, but when you're laying there looking at someone you love, unsure whether you a imagined them up out of nothing, or whether she's a Decartesian plant you realise you've got to try something else.

Philosopophy and science were where I looked for answers, for years, I've tried various meditations, read extensively, but theres always a doubt in my mind that I was doing it wrong. Anyway I had a 'stop the world I want to get off' moment the other day and after a night on the internet typing words such as unreal, disconnected, etc, I read something about DR and it was like reading my life story.

Life for me, ever since I was a kid, has felt unreal, like if I pushed hard enough at it with my head it'd crack and I'd be able to step through it. I'm a very curious person and I've often tried and obviously failed. I REALLY wanted to see what was on the other side. Like I said it felt like a puzzle that had to be solved. I've even considered killing myself as a shortcut to the end of the game, expecting to hear some note of disappointment in someones voice, 'you failed to crack the game' when I awoke at the other side. I've also thought in the past that maybe everyone suffered from it the same way I do, yet I was just very poor at faking being normal.

Anyway, reading through various articles the following seems to apply to me. Memory loss, poor concentration, lack of focus, dream state, I'm antisocial and create my own little bubble, I don't like new situations, I'm always too quiet in new social/work situations, over analysing every detail of me, even though I don't want to be. I can't seem to control my body at times, it was does what it wants, at work and at university I feel like I want to work harder, but I cant force myself to my minds always elsewhere. I have an overwhelming feeling of jamais vu constantly too, especially with the concept of people, which is hard to explain.

Ive heard descriptions of schzophrenia and it doesn't feel like that, more that I've got this duality of thought. I've definately believed in both my own little world and reality at the same time, at the exact same time, often.

Since Thursday and my discovery of DR/DP I've been felt trapped in some kind of mental purgotry, I'm really doubting things now. I feel even more disconnected from reality then I did before, I've never ever known any different to how I feel about reality. To think all that was a mental illness has spooked me, I'm both delighted and disappointed by it, although I am still worried that this is indeed all an elaborate trick on me, I'm willing to flow with it and see where it goes.

Now does this tie up with DR/DP? I know I've left alot of stuff out, but I'd just like to know if this is a worthwhile avenue to go down with my GP/doctor.

I'm grateful for anyhelp.

Thanks


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## FightingDepression (Aug 23, 2007)

Seems like it is.
Do you remember how it started?

I kinda relate to the feeling that the universe might pop out of existence.. dunno why but it seems like the most reasonable death :X

Coincidences happens all the time, more than we might think.. the idea is that people mostly only remember the "hit" rather then the "miss" which makes it seem to be even greater and maybe soemtimes feel it has a meaning.

Sounds kinda you think everything is pre-made for you within this dream reality.

Best thing, as hard as it may be, is convince yourself that it's, sorry for the word, just total bullshit (and it really is, it makes no sense even for it to be premade) and that you need to take over your own life.


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## TheSmogMonster (Aug 27, 2007)

I've always felt like this, not had a traumatic childhood or anything, I'm 26 now.

Oh and I agree with the co-incidences thing, don't really want to go into them, but I'm the kinda guy who is right place right time all the time, but when I work my arse off for something I get nothing back.

Oh I 'know' its bull as well  just trying to get all the pieces to fit so I can get some help.[/i]


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## Pollyanna 3098 (Dec 12, 2006)

Welcome TheSmogMonster 



TheSmogMonster said:


> I am still worried that this is indeed all an elaborate trick on me, I'm willing to flow with it and see where it goes.
> 
> *"I'm willing to flow with it and see where it goes."*


 There is the answer right there, if you want to beat this, that is what you have to do. Lets just say that it is all a dream or a figment of your imagination, it is still A reality, a reality in which you can still enjoy yourself IF you just stop questioning it.
To be honest, I am starting to think that DR is a sort of self fulfilling prophecy :roll:

3098


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