# 7 steps to DP/DR recovery



## JuliaM (Dec 28, 2012)

My story begins when I was 18.I took a huge overdose of magic mushrooms which completely destroyed my sense of self. During the trip I spent an eternity as an disembodied point of consciousness stuck in a loop of trying to remember who or what I was.

During the next three years I had constant heart palpitations, panic attacks, feelings of disassociation from my body, feelings of unreality, a complete obsession with existential questions (What's going on? Who am I? How is anything here?), and intense anxiety and isolation. There were moments when I didn't recognise my parents, faces looked distorted and unrecognisable. There were plenty of moments when I felt like I was simply going to disappear into thin air. I didn't trust the reality of the world around me. Every morning I was astonished to wake up in the same place, with the same strange assembly of body parts about me. A chair, a mug, a spoon, familiar daily items, were incomprehensible.

The hardest thing was having no one to talk to. Who do you go to? Counsellors didn't seem interested in those big philosophical questions that were plaguing my every waking thought. Philosophy had nothing to say about my fear and panic. Spiritual leaders seemed to romanticise and idealise the dissassociative experience. Friends looked at me blankly. Besides, how did I know I wasn't just making these people up? I felt like running out into the street and shaking strangers by the shoulders, saying "Wake up! What are you doing? What the hell are we all doing here?". The impossibility and absurdity of existence seemed so obvious; I was astounded and disturbed that no one else was freaking out.

After a lot of self-experimentation, these are the things that really counted towards my recovery:

1. Time:
It's been about 10 years since my mushroom experience. I still have occasional experiences with DR, but over time the symptoms have lessened as I resolved the initial trauma and learned to deal better with my anxiety. Give it time. Change is round the corner.

2. Learn your triggers and how to manage them:
Try to find the patterns behind your DR/DP. Certain situations would trigger an episode for me. For example, being in large crowds of people, or being stressed about deadlines. One of the worst examples of this was when I was at a university film-screening. The film itself was about mental illness, and half way through the film they had a sudden toilet break. The lights came up and suddenly people were talking to me. I found the sudden lights and crowds completely overwhelming and I started having a panic attack and the most intense DR/DP I've experienced outside of the trip. Switching from one state of mind (watching a film in the dark), to another (talking to people in bright lights), was severely disturbing.
Similarly, being by myself would trigger an episode, particularly if I indulged into my existentialism. I'm not saying, don't ask these questions. DR questions are some of the most important questions you'll ever ask yourself, but if those questions are accompanied by intense panic then the whole experience is debilitating and isolating, and this isn't a good basis for real, proper philosophical inquiry and learning.

3. Veg out:
During an intense DR episode I found it useful to veg out, watch a sitcom or funny movie, and eat pizza with a friend that understood what I was going through. Make sure you're in a safe space where you feel comfortable and looked after, and not threatened in anyway. I know even the most familiar things can seem threatening, but remove yourself from the trigger situation and avoid overwhelming stimuli where possible.

4. Make a choice:
It was a very stark turning point for me when I decided I had to make a choice about the world. Either I was going to carry on questioning myself and reality, or I was going to start believing in it. I sat down and made this choice. I took a deep breath. I wrote it out on paper. I said it out loud. From that moment on, it didn't matter how real the world felt. I decided to make it real. This was my world to create. For the first time, I decided to be in control of reality.

5. Realise that some things don't change
Now I was in control of reality, I soon realised that some things don't seem to change! Some things I couldn't control. As much as I felt I was going to disappear into thin air, I didn't. Every morning I woke up in the same place. I had the same face in the mirror. I saw the same people at school/work. I began to trust that these things will keep happening, again and again and again. It was more evidence that allowed me to take reality seriously. Whatever was happening, I'd run with it.

6. Indulge in your surroundings and embed yourself in the world:
Most of my DR was frightening. Something as simple as a armchair would horrify me in its incomprehensibility; its lack of meaning would turn my world upside down. I would look at a chair and think: 'How is that possible? How is any of this possible?'.
Very occasionally DR would be very beautiful. I was out walking one day and I saw an autumn leaf fall into a pool of water that was glittering with sunlight. The experience was so vivid, the sunlight so clean and pure, the leaf falling in that way, the responsiveness of the water forming ripples in partnership with the sunlight. That such a thing could happen filled me with the most intense wonder and delight. I didn't understand it, but it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
I decided to start enjoying the sensory experience. I indulged in my surroundings; allowing my fingers to wander over fabrics and materials, becoming aware of different textures, smelling things, enjoying colours; the shock of red or yellow, the feeling of blue, the richness of black, listening to, and enjoying, music. Enjoying my body parts for what they are; funny old things. Enjoying the sensation of movement. Looking at how my arms move and my feet move. Having fun moving my body. I reclaimed my sense of play. I was a child again. I started appreciating all these things for the immediate experience they brought to my senses. No analysis. No philosophy. No questions! Just enjoyment. Pleasure. It was one of the most important things I ever did.

7. Ditch the drugs:
Almost forgot this one. I decided to ditch all drugs for the rest of my life. Weed made DP/DR 1000x worse. Don't do it.

Do this, and bit by bit the world will start to come together again. Like disparate pieces that have become scattered, one by one we can collect them and reclaim them for ourselves.

So ten years on and I still have the capacity to be bowled over by something as simple as a chair. But this time it's not scary to me. I'm no longer exasperated that most people don't understand. That only makes us DP/DRers special! At one stage in my recovery I was worried that I would lose the capacity to ask those big questions that seemed so important in the middle of a DR episode: Who am I? What is reality? I wanted to hold on to that ability to wonder about myself, and about the world. Now that I'm no longer overwhelmed by life I've begun to study some of those questions in a more balanced way; delving into philosophy, educating myself, finding out how other people manage these questions.

I think people with DP/DR tend to have a predisposition towards introspection and deep questioning. Those questions go bone deep; they're not just a symptom of a disorder. When you recover from DP/DR it's possible hold on to the bits that are important to you, with none of the terror and anxiety attached. Best of all you'll have one of the most valuable and unique qualities that few people in the world seem to have: a genuine sense of wonder.

I hope some of this is helpful. I'd love to hear whether anyone tries these things, or has any questions about anything I've written here.

Julia xx


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## Guest (Dec 28, 2012)

simply wonderful...


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## RichUK (Oct 6, 2011)

Great post thanks


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## AussiePheonix (Dec 5, 2012)

Great post thanks


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## AussiePheonix (Dec 5, 2012)

Hi Julia,

Just tried Private messaging this, but wouldn't work...

Nice post With the seven steps (especially as a very new member!).

I have had DP/DR for just 3 months and I'm not coping well. I'm in a mental hospital trying to stabilise with the help of some medication.

I am finding it near impossible to accept that this could be my new reality for years to come!

The hardest thing I'm finding to deal with is the derealusation. Everthing looks dreamlike and surreal. Did you have that bad? Does that ever go away?

Cheers
Nathan


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## tnasty2 (Aug 12, 2012)

Most intelligent and well thought out answer of the year goes to Hernandez....


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## AussiePheonix (Dec 5, 2012)

Yes so insightful and empathetic.


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## HopefulNat (Jan 23, 2013)

that was so beautiful. thank you


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## Bjorn (Nov 8, 2012)

Everyone needs to read this.. Beautiful x


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## oktober66 (Feb 10, 2013)

I especially agree with the "sense of wonder" part. I enjoy immersing myself totally in experiences and activities, but usually it's very difficult to do and I can normally only do so for a short amount of time. If anyone else is having trouble with this, I'd recommend just trying to do it but if you find that you can't at the time then don't worry about it, that only makes things worse. Sometimes my mind is just being too stubborn for me to immerse myself and I have to just forget about it for the time being and calm down and try again later. This whole scenario really is difficult, but I'm trying my best with it.


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## JJ70 (Nov 1, 2010)

Julia loved the post, just thought I'd add:



> 1. Time:
> It's been about 10 years since my mushroom experience. I still have occasional experiences with DR, but over time the symptoms have lessened as I resolved the initial trauma and learned to deal better with my anxiety. Give it time. Change is round the corner.


I've been recovered from Chronic DP/DR for over 2 decades, and have worked with a large amount of sufferers over the last decade. Recovery time varies enormously from weeks to years. When people start to work at recovery the most common recovery time for DP/DR is usually measured in months. I have found recovery rates to be quicker in those who manage their anxiety (not everybody has anxiety with DP/DR by the way) slightly separately but alongside treating their DP/DR.



> 4. Make a choice:
> For the first time, I decided to be in control of reality.


I have found that after accepting you are actually suffering from a mental condition, and that you are not going to die from it, and that you are not alone (or the only one with it) and that recovery is possible. That making the choice to stop focusing on what caused your condition, and how bad your condition was making your life....is the first major step towards recovery.



> 6. Indulge in your surroundings and embed yourself in the world:


Once you have made the choice, this is the most major factor in recovery.

Hellish condition but not the hardest condition in the world to beat. You can do it many of us have.

JJ


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## salmon (Jul 28, 2014)

This is amazing, thank you so much. Drugs were the cause of my DP, and about a month ago I experiemented with (a low dose) of mushrooms. The trip itself was lovely, amazing, and the three days after had a glowing feeling to them, I was extremely happy. But after those wonderful three days I thought I had accidentally taken mushrooms again (they had been previously prepared in my kitchen by my brother). That caused a panic attack, I then realised that drugs were the cause of my DP and I became paranoid that I had permanently damaged my brain, which was silly.

I think that if drugs were the cause of your DP/DR, psychedelics specifically, knowing firstly that coming out from a trip your perception will be changed. The feeling of questioning your reality is only a normal reaction, and it never lasts (well, not forever). Magic mushrooms, in this case, bring out the anxieties already in you, and there will always be a root problem that may be unknown to you but had been brought out in the trip. For me the small dose of mushrooms brought out my anxiety from when I had previously years back experimented with "legal highs" (why the hell they're legal I don't know, do not take them), resulting in me passing out from a really, really awful trip.

I'd honestly say that anybody who slightly has fears/thoughts of paranoia/DP/DR/anxiety should not take psychedelics, although I am definitely not against them, I think they're amazing things, but if you have don't let this make you feel paranoid about your mental health. You'll be okay. It's a passing thing, a change in perception, acknowledge it, find beauty in it, but don't get consumed within it. The fear is controllable, never permament.


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## Waverer (Jul 4, 2014)

Awesome! Great post 
I've started reconnecting with the world through language. Oh, what a beautiful thing it is! Is the bridge between souls, between selves, between universes, between minds... 
that point has been key to my recovery, I will never forget the moment when I forgot 'who' had dressed me, or 'whose' voice was coming out of 'my' mouth. But now I see, for example, the power of the world 'I', the word itself gave some sense to my senseless question. The order of words in a sentence can change its whole meaning, and the meaning itself is a wonderful thing. So yeah, even baby steps lead you somewhere.

I recall a phrase from my favorite video game

"There are many worlds, but they share the same sky. One Sky, one destiny"

And that video game may relate in a wider sense to this illness because it starts with another phrase:
"I've been having these weird thoughts lately.... Like, is any of this for real... or not? "

Ha ha ha, yes Kingdom Hearts has helped me alot, I pursue that Sanctuary of mine


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## Myrodine (Jul 28, 2014)

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