# Intro and Story From a Guy Who Overcame This Awful Thing



## Frenesi (Nov 11, 2015)

Hi everyone,

I'm new here but have been a DP/DR sufferer for 11 years. I just wanted to share my story, both for my own therapeutic reasons and in hopes that it can comfort others in knowing you are not alone.

Like many others, I believe my DP/DR may have been triggered by marijuana use at a young age. When I was about 15, I smoked pot for the first (and last) time and felt instantly incapacitated with depersonalization. I felt like my limbs were not mine but were simply attached to me, I felt somewhat out of my own body, and I felt a great deal of anxiety. The following day I awoke to find that I still felt this way, though not quite as intensely, and everything just felt generally foggy. Over the following weeks, the feeling very gradually dissipated and I felt normal again a month later. I did not smoke pot again.

Fast forward a year and a half. I was hanging out with some close friends and I suddenly felt a fog overcome me, as if everything became hazy, distant, dreamlike. It was as if I was watching the world through a film camera. I was immediately very very unnerved by the feeling as it reminded me of my post-pot-smoking fog, but this time with no substances involved. In my head I thought "am i about to pass out? am i having a blood sugar issue? what in the world is going on?" I went to the E.R. later that night. My attempts to describe the feeling were vague at best and, of course, the doctors were unable to find any immediate medical issue. Over the next several weeks, the feeling did not dissipate and I went to several medical specialists, all of whom told me I was perfectly healthy. Every time a specialist told me they couldn't find anything medically wrong with me, I felt my heart sink, my hope dwindle, and my anxiety level shoot up.

For many months, I felt completely incapacitated by the feeling and did not see many friends (it was during summer vacation, no school). I felt completely hopeless and worried that I had gone insane. I contemplated suicide from time to time, though luckily held out just enough hope to brush away these feelings. My family was extremely supportive and loving, fortunately. I eventually decided, at the request of my family physician, to see a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder and prescribed me Zoloft. I'm not sure why he didn't pick up on DP/DR as a diagnosis, or perhaps he did but felt the generalized anxiety label would be most helpful as a label and a model for treatment.

After a few months of taking Zoloft, I began to feel less and less troubled by the feeling. I went from thinking about it all day, every day, to thinking about it just most of the day, to thinking about it just a few hours a day. The feeling did not disappear, but my ability to function with the feeling became greater and greater. I realized that the feeling was not physically holding my back from doing anything and that I was physiologically healthy. I entered college at this time and became very busy as a result (I believe this helped me a lot). I ultimately weened off the Zoloft after one year and found that I didn't need it any more. I had come to a little bit of peace with the feeling, to some degree. I know that sounds absolutely terrifying to those of you who are just beginning to experience DP/DR...I remember the notion of possibly having to just "get used to this" was the very thing that made me contemplate suicide. But as my mind became more and more accustomed to the feeling, the feeling essentially began to disappear.

Two years into college, after taking a psychology course, I read about depersonalization/derealization disorder and my jaw dropped to the floor. It was exactly what I had been feeling...there was a name for it and other people felt it too! This lead me down an even greater path of recovery as I discovered books about the subject and found forums online such as this one.

Since that time, I have never felt as if the feeling has really vanished completely. There has never been a moment where the veil was lifted and I said "whoa I'm back in the reality I felt when I was 15!". However, most of my adult life has been much less affected by it than I once anticipated and because of that, it's presence is almost invisible to me unless I remember to think about it. I have episodes from time to time that will last a few weeks...times where the DP/DR will intensify quite a bit. But as I age, these intensifications become more familiar and thus a bit less scary.

Though I do still have tough times dealing with my DP/DR, I believe I am a success story. Through all of this, I was able to maintain my love of music and am now an internationally (somewhat) well-known singer and producer. I tour the world playing shows and festivals and I have a wonderful time doing so. I say this not to be boastful in any way, but because I feel it's an important part of my success story and I hope that other young people who are suffering from this know that you can ultimately still achieve your goals (and beyond) despite this. Cheesy, I know.

Anyway, I will continue to look here for support when I need it and I hope I can be of assistance to others when they need it.


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## Guest (Nov 11, 2015)

I wonder who you are....

hmmmmm...


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## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

so is your DP basically the same as when you got it, just you ignore it better?


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## Frenesi (Nov 11, 2015)

It's a difficult question to answer because it's all subjective, but I feel my DP did get better over the years. A lot of that may be because I am better at ignoring it though? Hard to separate the two. Most of the time, the DP feels like something I only notice if I'm trying to think about it. It's like how you don't really notice the feeling of a shirt on your skin because you are so used to wearing shirts and your body is just accustomed to it. But if you were to think about it, you would say "yeah I can feel the fabric on my skin". Sorry for the weird analogy.

But I still have episodes where the DP will intensify a lot (and likewise, my ability to ignore it suffers). So I know that when I am not having these episodes, the DP is less intense and not solely because I am ignoring it more.


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## luctor et emergo (May 22, 2015)

Futurebandit said:


> I wonder who you are....
> hmmmmm...


Please enlighten us... who is this well known singer and producer?


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