# My experience with Lexapro and Clonazepam



## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

Hey guys,I'm new here,I'm recovering from DP/DR,i'm almost fully recovered from it.DR is OUT.And DP,well,I just feel insecure about it,cause I don't have it all the time.I'll tell you me experience.

Well,all this shit started like many people did.Smoking weed,pot,marijuana any name you call that fucking shit.

Well in fact,I never got bad feelings from it,and I never got high enough.

So one day me and 2 friends decided to smoke more than the usual to get really high!

I Hitted it about 9 or 10 times,and really hard hits.At the 5 hit I knew I was high already,but I continued,cause I wanted to be very high and to show me friends that I was strong,haha what a ridiculous Idea.

So we hitted it.I Started feeling so lightweight.I Was like a pluma.My head was without weight.I Was almost falling in the floor,I was really lightweight.That's the DP.I Was almost out of my body.I Started feeling some bad shits in my head.Than me and my friends decided to walk along the street.I Didn't even got out from home.They opened the door,I saw the Sunlight and like BOOM it was like a power up to the feeling.I Felt a hot wave in my body,and KA-BOOM,I got a panick attack.

My heart started beating so fucking fast,I really thought,SHIT I'M GOING TO DIE,CALL OUT MY MOM AND MY DAD,I WANNA TELL THEM I LOVE THEM AND I WANNA SAY I'M SORRY FOR DOING THIS SHIT.I'LL DIE.

I was shaking like there was an earthquake happening,my hands sweating cold,the world started feeling strange,the derealization.

Well I thought that was my day,I couldn't pass of it.I Really thought I was going to fucking die.

But OK some hours after it I was OK,like anything happened.Told my friends,nobody knows about this shit right?Only we.

Well I was havin my normal life,I tripped for Beto Carrero(A Park,Like Disneyland,but in Brazil)did everything,nothing happened.

3 Weeks later I had a panick attack from the nothing.The first feeling i had was,I felt the world becaming strange.Derealization.Shit I seriously was freaking out.I Told my friends,HEY GUYS I'M BAD I'M HAVING THAT FEELING YOU KNOW WHAT,they started laughing and said I was joking,awesome no?Until they saw I got really fucking WHITE they feared that shit more then me.I felt I was going out of my body,I felt that hot wave too.But this one wasn't more then 1 minute,i was entering my body again.But the world kept strange,the DR became constant.I Started feeling to world strange.But didn't tell nobody that time,I just feeled depressed.

Got home,got into the PC,was nice,the DR suddenly got out,I wasn't thinking about it.Left the PC and decided to check if I was having it,then it happened(I'll give some advises after,this is a MAIN POINT that EVERYBODY NEEDS TO KNOW!).

So the world became fucked up again,and I started checking if it was normal all the time,and I was feeling 24/7 derealized.Shit I thought,WHATTAHELL IS GOING WITH ME? I'M GOING FUCKING CRAZY SHIT MAN.I took a shower and slept.

Woked up,the world looked normal,I needed to go to school,but well it was just 10 seconds or less of normality,I started to check if that was the real world really,and what happened?Derealization came to fuck me once again.Shit that day was horrible,I went to school and everything was fucked up,people's face looked weird,the desks,all the fucking world,holy shit I don't even like to remember that shit.

So decided to tell to my dad,i started feeling others shits also,heart palpitating,fast heart beats,and I thought,IT'S NOW OR NEVER TELL YOUR DAD MAN U NEED HELP.

So I wen't to a doctor,he got my pression,normal,I said the symptons to him and he said:Well,looks like you've got Panick Disorder.And I was,OH NICE NOW I'M FUCKED UP FOREVER THAT IT RIGHT?

Went to the neurologist,told them all the shit,he said to me.Well the Marijuana doesn't cause this.Example?Your friends are normal.The problem is with you.You have emotional problems(yeah i'll explain later),and now you got an anxiety disorder.Told me it was normal,that I would cure myself,started to feel better.The DR had got away when I was talking to him.

Got out,but what I did?Started checking it again,those shit came AGAIN.FUCK ME I THOUGHT!

So the doctor told me to use Meds,Lexapro 10mg(started with 1,2,3 each day 1 mg till I reach 10mg) and Clonazepam 0,5mg.

Well at the beggining all the shit got worse,holy fuck guys,I cried so much cause for me I was fucked up,I was certain I would live in that HELL forever.

But Now 3 weeks after started the meds I'm much better.

Panick attacks almost none.Derealization is down.Depersonalization only sometimes,that's why I feel insecure,I don't know when it's gonna happen,but well,I just don't give a fuck,I simple don't think about it.)

So the Lexapro 10mg is an awesome med.He killed my panick attacks and blablabla.

Clonazepam,this one is special haha,is black tarjed,so you gotta be careful,it's addicting,and fucking good at the time.It cuts my anxiety to zero,helps me a lot,If i'm having DP and I drink this one,it goes away.

But well,i'm here just to tell that meds are GOOD,do not be fools thinking you should not use them.But also don't think they will do everything to you.

Now i'm going to tell my opinion about this shit.

DR/DP is an emotional state,it's caused by anxiety in my case.Well what I did to got out from Derealization and Depersonalization?

Used meds and the mos important,BROKE THE VICIOUS CYCLE.

What is the vicious cycle?

Well you MUST NOT think about it.Seriously,thinking about it just makes it stronger.Only accept that you're having it,and it'll go away.

Go distract yourself.I Noticed that when I was playing games on my PS3/PC/360 I didn't felt bad.Why?I Was distracted,I wasn't checking this shit.

So basically you need to STOP THINKING and STOP CHECKING IF YOU'RE HAVING IT NOW OR NOT.If you're having,you are.If not,don't call it.Checking it is the same thing as opening a door and saying:Would you Kindly come in?

That's my history guys.I'm much better now,I think I'm 90% recovered,these 10% are basically some DP moments,and the fear of it.

Also when I told I had emotional problems,well I'll explain now;

I'm a person that wants to make the others feel good,i just want people accept me,so I do the things to see the others happy,and having good thoughts about me.I WASN'T DOING WHAT I WANTED.I WASN'T LOVING MYSELF.I WASN'T BEING MY SELF.

DP/DR has a cause,that is in your emotional you gotta find it too to prevent it from coming back.

Good luck for everybody,my conclusion is

Meds help,kill the symptons,the causes you must find,and you must stop the vicious cycle,which causes only more DP/DR.

I'm only 15 by now,I'm almost free of this.

I Wish good luck for you all.

You'll get out of it,just trust it!

Also sorry for any mistake,I'm from Brazil.

Regards,Victor.


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## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

Up here

Still feeling very good!

Glad to these meds!

I'm also planning getting into the GYM again!


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## KnowHope (Mar 17, 2015)

I know that the odds of you getting this after so many years of slim but I want to thank you. Pushing through these ordeals are very hard and I am going through it right now. It's getting better and I am just thankful to see recovery stories like yours.

Thanks man.


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## KnowHope (Mar 17, 2015)

Also, forgot to mention for anyone else reading this - get your ass to the gym or go out for a run. Getting those endorphins rushing through your body is proven more than any other medication to correct any imbalances in your body and your brain. Though getting up and pushing your body to the limits doesn't sound too appealing when you don't even want to leave your bed (let alone your house), you will see the results if you push through the pain. I forced myself to rejoin the gym and on the way there I faced the typical racing thoughts and panic but once I hit the machines, your body turns that energy into something useful and those thoughts are as good as dead. Feeling your muscles and your lungs burning for oxygen gets you higher and closer to reality than any drug ever could. That being said, I'm not some big gym buff and I myself take medication - the same as OP actually. Take your medication as directed and get some activities in there; like OP said, don't check in every 10 seconds to see if you still feel like you're depersonalized, because it IS a vicious cycle. it's a little paradoxical but you have to literally not try to not try to not think about it. ????

The most important thing to remember is it's all about perspective, and you cannot limit yourself to sight in one direction.

You can still live a positive life with a negative mind.


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