# How did I get this awful thing!



## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

It seems that everyone on this forum is so much younger than I am. It also seems that you all know when your DP/DR started and what seemed to trigger it. I'm glad to hear that you are all able to acknowlege it as young adults and hope that you will be able to get cured faster knowing it earler on. 
I will be 40 in November and I have no idea how this started with me and it seems that I have been living with this for as long as I can remember. I am going through a really hard time in my life now and have recently started seeing a new therapist over the past few months. He is the first one that I truly opened up to about these horrible feelings of disassociation. I always thought that I had something horribly wrong with me but never wanted to face it. I felt like no one would understand me. I felt like the only one in the world with these crazy feelings making me feel completely abnormal. 
I wish there was a quick fix... or a way to get in touch with myself. I am so tired of living my life this way! I don't feel my age mentally... I feel like my thoughts are thinking one thing but I am not in control of the movement of my limbs... I don't feel like I am the one controlling what I am saying even though I never say anything that is obscene or hurtful to others. 
I am so happy to have found this web site. I just joined on Wednesday and I can't stop checking for replies to my posts.... I can't stop reading about other people with similar feelings and how they are dealing with them.

Is there anyone out there that feels the same way???


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## LivingWithTheDevil (Feb 8, 2010)

Hey hun

We pretty much all get the same feelings to be honest mine was at its worse when i 1st got dp nearly a year ago now.
You can take meds that will help but its not cure i think it just helps settle your mind.
Your so tired u must not be scared of this your brains just protecting itself from the world. Some peopel get better and others keep trying to find answers it soudns strange but the more u look for answers and keep searching online the mroe your feeding the aniexty which will prolong this horrible disorder.
Im pratically cured now just by forgetting it.
It is hard but no1 will think your mad or crazy i thought that to but honestly its just us over thinking..
You must be honest so you get the help you need hun
Good Luck x


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

LivingWithTheDevil said:


> Hey hun
> 
> We pretty much all get the same feelings to be honest mine was at its worse when i 1st got dp nearly a year ago now.
> You can take meds that will help but its not cure i think it just helps settle your mind.
> ...


You are absolutely right about me focusing on it so much which ends up causing me to have more anxiety over it. I just recently figured out the name for it though so it really makes me want to learn more about it. I wish I could just forget about it but I can't. Did you have the same symptoms as I have? Maybe because yours is so fresh that you were able to get cured so quickly.........I wish I realized this is what it was years ago. I feel like it is hopeless. Like I will live with this awful disease for the rest of my life. 
Thank you so much for your input though. I really, really appreciate it.


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## Guest (Apr 23, 2010)

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/20548-40-something/


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/20548-40-something/


Thank you so much for the link!


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## Guest (Apr 26, 2010)

Ziggy said:


> Thank you so much for the link!


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## guitarman (Dec 11, 2008)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/20548-40-something/


I have had this DP/DR since the age of about 15.I will be 50 in July. I never even had a name for it till I saw the movie "Numb" about a year ago. I always thought there was something wrong, physically, with me. Of course here I am at 50 and most people mistake me for about 40. I keep my self physically fit and eat very healthy, mainly because it makes me feel better and most times lessens the effects of DP/DR. After all those years of trips to the hospitals, due to anxiety attacks and thinking I would be dead by age 40 because I though there was no way I could live with this in my older years, it seems there was never anything really wrong with me. It was just all in my head. I still struggle with it but due to this site and my own research I can deal with it so much better. There were times when I woke in the middle of the night feeling so strange and disconnected that it would bring on a terrible anxiety attack. Now when I wake up, I know what it is. I don't feel any less strange but I don't have an anxiety attack because I now understand what it is and I lay there able to avoid the anxiety attack and drift back off to sleep.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

guitarman said:


> I have had this DP/DR since the age of about 15.I will be 50 in July. I never even had a name for it till I saw the movie "Numb" about a year ago. I always thought there was something wrong, physically, with me. Of course here I am at 50 and most people mistake me for about 40. I keep my self physically fit and eat very healthy, mainly because it makes me feel better and most times lessens the effects of DP/DR. After all those years of trips to the hospitals, due to anxiety attacks and thinking I would be dead by age 40 because I though there was no way I could live with this in my older years, it seems there was never anything really wrong with me. It was just all in my head. I still struggle with it but due to this site and my own research I can deal with it so much better. There were times when I woke in the middle of the night feeling so strange and disconnected that it would bring on a terrible anxiety attack. Now when I wake up, I know what it is. I don't feel any less strange but I don't have an anxiety attack because I now understand what it is and I lay there able to avoid the anxiety attack and drift back off to sleep.


Thanks for the post. I was just curious if you have any of the symptoms that I do... for example the feeling of your brain not being the one that is controlling the movement of your limbs.. the feeling of living in a dream like state while conscious during the day???


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## guitarman (Dec 11, 2008)

Ziggy said:


> Thanks for the post. I was just curious if you have any of the symptoms that I do... for example the feeling of your brain not being the one that is controlling the movement of your limbs.. the feeling of living in a dream like state while conscious during the day???


Yes, most definitely. Sometimes I'd be walking down the street and I would all of a sudden feel like "how can I walk any further", I felt as if my brain was not going to be able to control my movements and I would just fall down on the sidewalk. In the early years thats exactly what would happen. Then I'd have an anxiety attack and someone would call the ambulance and off to the hospital I'd go. 
I still feel this way but now I understand. Those panicky feelings threaten to come out but I'm able to reason my thoughts and make it go away. I still sometimes have a hard time going for walks far from my home or walking on the golf course But when I go for walks now I'll bring my baby granddaughter and push her stroller or when I golf I'll push a golf cart. Being able to hold on to something helps me feel connected and I can cope easier.
The dream states for me are easy to over come. I try to occupy my mind. I play guitar, I golf and other activities to take my mind off it. About a year ago I was having a really hard time. Even walking to my office from the parking lot was a chore. While walking to the office from the parking lot (about 3 blocks) I'd pull my blackberry out of my pocket and start playing a video game. It worked to occupy my mind so I could make it to work. Of course you also have to pay attention while crossing the road.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

guitarman said:


> Yes, most definitely. Sometimes I'd be walking down the street and I would all of a sudden feel like "how can I walk any further", I felt as if my brain was not going to be able to control my movements and I would just fall down on the sidewalk. In the early years thats exactly what would happen. Then I'd have an anxiety attack and someone would call the ambulance and off to the hospital I'd go.
> I still feel this way but now I understand. Those panicky feelings threaten to come out but I'm able to reason my thoughts and make it go away. I still sometimes have a hard time going for walks far from my home or walking on the golf course But when I go for walks now I'll bring my baby granddaughter and push her stroller or when I golf I'll push a golf cart. Being able to hold on to something helps me feel connected and I can cope easier.
> The dream states for me are easy to over come. I try to occupy my mind. I play guitar, I golf and other activities to take my mind off it. About a year ago I was having a really hard time. Even walking to my office from the parking lot was a chore. While walking to the office from the parking lot (about 3 blocks) I'd pull my blackberry out of my pocket and start playing a video game. It worked to occupy my mind so I could make it to work. Of course you also have to pay attention while crossing the road.


I don't have a problem walking. I actually really like to walk and exercise. It really helps me relieve my stress and anxiety over these feelings. I have always felt so alone with these feelings. Afraid that I am the only one in the world that feels like this and I am insane.. I don't feel like I am typing right now.. I feel like my brain drifts off into another place but somehow my fingers manage to type what I am feeling. It seems to happen all the time. When ever I move any part of my body it doesn't seem to be me telling it to move... I still haven't found anyone on this site that feels like this so I might still be the only one in the world that feels like this!! 
That is really good that you have learned to have such control over the way that you feel. I have recently joined this site and it is nice to see people experiencing at least similar things to what I feel... takes away that insane feeling a bit.


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## guitarman (Dec 11, 2008)

Ziggy said:


> I don't have a problem walking. I actually really like to walk and exercise. It really helps me relieve my stress and anxiety over these feelings. I have always felt so alone with these feelings. Afraid that I am the only one in the world that feels like this and I am insane.. I don't feel like I am typing right now.. I feel like my brain drifts off into another place but somehow my fingers manage to type what I am feeling. It seems to happen all the time. When ever I move any part of my body it doesn't seem to be me telling it to move... I still haven't found anyone on this site that feels like this so I might still be the only one in the world that feels like this!!
> That is really good that you have learned to have such control over the way that you feel. I have recently joined this site and it is nice to see people experiencing at least similar things to what I feel... takes away that insane feeling a bit.


Don't be surprised if there are a lot of people that feel exactly how you do. We all might have a different way of describing it. Sometimes when I hold my cell phone or other items, it doesn't feel like I am holding it. It feels almost like I have no feeling in my hand, yet I do. I don't get these feelings much anymore. It seems that over the years when I seem to conquer one type of negative feeling a new one takes its place. It is our minds playing with us. I can grab on to things and not give it a second thought. But if I grab something with my hand with the expectation that it won't feel like my hand, that is exactly what happens. I don't know if this makes sense. I've spent many years with all these feelings of dream like state and numbness and being afraid of it. I've come to be less and less afraid and more accepting and at most times it seems to lessen the effect.
I remember once grabbing a hamburg late one night at a fast food joint and the food getting stuck in my throat a bit as if it wasn't my throat and my brain stopped controlling it. All of a sudden I didn't like the feeling of the food in my throat because it didn't seem real. It really freaked me out.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

guitarman said:


> Don't be surprised if there are a lot of people that feel exactly how you do. We all might have a different way of describing it. Sometimes when I hold my cell phone or other items, it doesn't feel like I am holding it. It feels almost like I have no feeling in my hand, yet I do. I don't get these feelings much anymore. It seems that over the years when I seem to conquer one type of negative feeling a new one takes its place. It is our minds playing with us. I can grab on to things and not give it a second thought. But if I grab something with my hand with the expectation that it won't feel like my hand, that is exactly what happens. I don't know if this makes sense. I've spent many years with all these feelings of dream like state and numbness and being afraid of it. I've come to be less and less afraid and more accepting and at most times it seems to lessen the effect.
> I remember once grabbing a hamburg late one night at a fast food joint and the food getting stuck in my throat a bit as if it wasn't my throat and my brain stopped controlling it. All of a sudden I didn't like the feeling of the food in my throat because it didn't seem real. It really freaked me out.


I hope that I will be able to handle it the way that you have. At times it totally freaks me out but I try to ignore it. 
It totally made sense everything that you wrote and I can totally relate to those feelings. I guess you are right, everyone experiences DP/DR in different ways but in a why they are all related to the same issue. I wish there was a cure for this thing or at least a hope that it could get better. I don't see any and it is very depressing.


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