# I'm a PhD student with an unusable brain



## ElusiveAt7t2 (May 14, 2015)

Hello Everyone,

I can't tell you how long I've had depersonalization because I don't remember when I experienced my last moment of clarity. I know it was cause for concern on my part in 2012 when I was preparing to present in front of 400 students in a popular music history course. It may have been 2013. But it didn't just come out of nowhere. I think I gradually started feeling foggier and foggier. I entered a doctoral program in fall of 2013 and I realized how detrimental this is to my goals. I'm sitting in my living room trying to write a final paper that I've hardly started. It's due Monday. Wednesday at the latest. I'm not scared. I, per usual, have no emotion towards the approaching deadline. "I will sit down and the paper will just happen," as I usually experience.

I'm trying to keep this short because I have a very general sense of how most of you might feel and I personally can't sit here and read through a post that's length rivals War and Peace. I wouldn't ask you to do the same. So here are some easily accessible bullet points for you:


Brain fog
Cognition problems
Memory problem
No energy
I don't feel present
Lack of awareness
Spacey 
Can't pay attention, therefore my work generates even more stress and perpetuates the problems
Disoriented
Disorganized, so when I start researching a topic everything becomes a tangled mess
I have trouble inhaling sometimes
I have undiagnosed anxiety 
I am on three medications (none of which are for anxiety)
I don't feel like I'm engaging with life. Life happens to me. Like that scene in Austin Powers after he is unfrozen and being moved around
When I go into public I feel exceptionally closed-off
I'm never present
When I'm talking with someone I have trouble hearing them, but I hear everything that's happening the next room over
I am constantly a turtle inside a foggy glass shell

I have tried EFT tapping and it actually helped my symptoms a little bit once. I also tried not eating grains and that may or may not have helped, I unsurprisingly don't remember. Have any of you tried anything like this?

I take responsibility for having a human body, so I learn as much as I can to take care of myself. I'm very much into mindfulness and natural remedies and nutrition. If you feel the need to criticize that, you're welcome to go read someone else's post instead of mine.

I am also trying EMDR with my therapist. I fully believe it will work. It all makes a lot of sense.

I can't take care of myself anymore and it has to stop. Anyone want to chime in? If you have similar experiences, let's connect. But please keep in mind I need shorter types of answers. I can go on and on and on very easily, too. But today I can't even read a paragraph. All I'm asking for are bullet points and/or short paragraphs. I'm sure you understand.

I'm glad this forum exists. I hope we all help each other pull through.

Thanks for your time.


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

> I am also trying EMDR with my therapist. I fully believe it will work. It all makes a lot of sense.


EMDR is for PTSD. There is some evidence that trauma-based treatments can reduce co-occuring dissociative symptoms (measured with the Dissociative Experiences Scale) in trauma-patients. I don't see how it could work for standalone depersonalization disorder.


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## ElusiveAt7t2 (May 14, 2015)

Because my issue is caused by complex-PTSD.


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## smm9447 (May 14, 2015)

From what I've read these are some other potential techniques to help combat your symptoms:

- Combinations of anxiety and depression medications

- Cognitive behavior therapy

These recommendations are, again, only based off of research I've done. Haven't tried them personally due to complications with health insurance. I'm going through a similar situation in that I had to withdraw from school after a climactic anxiety buildup. Before, the apathy for life and the feeling of everything being a dream had been building up for quite some time. Just know that you're not alone and your symptoms don't change your intelligence or who you actually are as a person.

Simple things to improve your thought processes

- try to focus on the present situations (throw yourself into it) but don't be too hard on yourself

- don't get overly introspective about your situation; the more you analyze the crazier you'll drive yourself

Hope this helps


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## Anonymity (Jul 8, 2013)

"When I'm talking with someone I have trouble hearing them, but I hear everything that's happening the next room over"

bra, this is the story of my life...


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## luctor et emergo (May 22, 2015)

Trying EMDR. I have had 8 sessions and I am convinced that someting will happen.

The problem that sufferers from dp, dr can have, including myself, is initially you don't recognize complex trauma.


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