# Afraid to lose control



## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Hey guys,

to cut a long story short: What do you do about the fear to lose control? I mean to lose control over the whole situation??

I am sure I am making everything terrible myself, honestly. Today was a really nice day... my sister and I went horse riding this morning and in the evening, my whole family ordered a wonderful meal from a Greek restaurant. I really enjoyed all that. I haven't had an intensely horrible day in WEEKS and I am so much better than 8.5months ago when all this started. Nevertheless, I am constantly plagued by the fear to lose control over the situation. That it becomes just worse and worse, that I cannot do anything about it and that I just end up jumping off the next bridge. WHAT THE FUCK??? I mean... I am not FINE, but it is pretty ok at the moment. The whole future just appears as an immense dark hole of unknown and threatening things. Why? Everything is fine at the moment.

Any ideas what to do against that fear?

Best wishes,
Steffi


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

So I am really the only one on this, huh?


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## Guest (Mar 12, 2011)

I've seen other threads about this before. I'm not afraid of losing control though. But I am afraid that I will not have enough control in my life to go on into the future. Hmm, maybe that is what you meant though?


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

I am not quite sure, to be honest. I am just afraid that I lose control over my condition, my own mind. That I start to believe things which are not true and act on these thoughts although I do not want to do that. That was even more confusing than the last post, right









Ok, I will try again. My life is really nice at the moment







. I have made new wonderful friends (girls,girls, girls, yeah!), I started to work voluntarily for a riding therapy institution (LOVE IT), I am allowed to right my favourite horse again (LOVE IT EVEN MORE)and I did not have a horrible day in WEEKS (or even months). Today, I managed to feel like almost myself for quite a while.

Nevertheless, my mind tortures me. It constantly tells me that I won't be able to bear "IT" forever. That I will one day believe my depressing thoughts and give in. That my life will be over much too early and that I won't be able to do ANYTHING against that. That I will simply lose control over everything.

Honestly, what is "IT"? I enjoyed myself so much today. I had so much fun in the last weeks. Even though I feel that I am "not right in the head" I had such a great time. Why on earth do I have these feelings? This fear of losing control? Of not being able to bear "IT". Actually, there is no "IT" at the moment. Everything is fine.

Maybe I have just gone crazy for real


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## Guest (Mar 13, 2011)

I think you should just roll with the good times. No doubt you'll be faced with hard times, as we all do sometimes. But it could be a matter of habit. You got so used to being down and dp that you just didn't know how to enjoy yourself anymore. I think that now that things are stable, you have a mistrust that it's real after all the problems you've been going through. Just assure yourself that you do deserve to be happy and have things be going your way. Enjoy yourself!


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Do you mean like going psychotic?

I've been feeling quite a bit like that recently.


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

No, not psychotic.... I guess it is more what TOF is talking about. I felt down and out of it for quite a while and now that things get better and better, I simply do not trust all that. Maybe it is just the fear to lose that again, I do not know. And it is definitely a habit!!! When I am doing fine, it is just so.... strange?! Yes, I guess I have fallen into the habit of feeling miserable and my own mind tries to convince me that it is not ok to feel ok and that I should feel miserable.

Thank you TOF


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## Cheryl (Dec 4, 2010)

I understand where you're coming from. I fear that I'm going to lose myself into the disorder, that I'll become so consumed I can't even deal with myself. 
Realistically, I know I'm going to be just fine. This isn't going to kill me. I, too, have a great job, and a great love life, and just...a great everything, pretty much. My home situation sucks, but we all have something like that. I think that I just work myself into a tizzy sometimes. Like you, I had a huge period of feeling great - and my mind was consumed in worries of DP. My best advice is just to go ahead and keep having fun. Keep enjoying life. Let yourself worry - the more you try not to, the more prominent the worries will be. I've been a little down the past week 'cos of some fights with my boyfriend. I'm more DP'd than usual. It makes it easier knowing that this is just because I'm stressed - worried, overworked, etc. 
Chin up. We'll both be fine.


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Love your post, Cheryl









It is so nice to be reminded that this is just a phase in life and not the end of the world. I tend to forget that, unfortunately. The forum is a really great place and a huge amount of help for me personally. I hope that I manage to help others as well!

(PS: Hm... I just realise that all my recent posts get negative votes and I simply do not see a reason. If I have offended anyone or have hurt anyones feelings without knowing, please write me a message, so that we can solve this out. I like to be here. To get help and to help others whenever I can. I do not want to tip on somebody's toes







)


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