# kill me now :(------>



## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I am actually feeling less DP'd these days. Nowhere near recovered but somewhere in between. Problem is when I "feel" again I feel terrified and my stomach fucking kills so i would almost rather just sit in DP (hah and feel "wet"). Just like I sat in dog piss and didn't care, i guess that's a good analogy. Xcept I know that I can't go fully into DP mode and that the truth behind the matter is I don't want to just am not at a stable point yet. So when I feel things I just feel like shit and go on the computer. This wave is taking a long fucking time. :x


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Kenny baby Im the same!! I hate that feeling terrified thing, mantras are working for me at this point, like when i do go outside I say "nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be afraid of etc, until I relax and calm down, its like a bad trip, u just have to ride it x


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## Guest (Oct 25, 2008)

I'm going through that too! It's weird because I don't want DR back, but I'm not ready to be completely DR free either.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

its such a bitch as its almost like we can touch reality and feel or freedom! damn it!! elrknjekfmfkrmgfplkrq,pd,lvmfaeg


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## Guest (Oct 25, 2008)

My DR is going a lot every day, but the anxiety is still there so I'm just gonna end up DR again at some point.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

OMFG wow. I am an idiot. Just looked at the pepto bismul bottle and it says EXPIRATIION DATE: MAY 07.....hmmm maybe this is why my stomach keeps hurting because i drink it all day and it expired almost 2 fucking years ago! LMAO


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## Guest (Oct 25, 2008)

Omg! I hope you don't feel too bad after drinking that.


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## Guest (Oct 25, 2008)

It could be the out of date stuff Kenny :!:

But you started drinking that because of your bad stomach...so thats not the cause.

At points I have induced a kind of derealisation like state because my feelings can be so overwhelming.The thing with healing is the feelings underneath the dissocation must be dealt with and new coping mechanisms must be learned and put in place to deal with feelings...or you just end up back where you started because your mind brings out its goody bag of old faulty coping mechanisms or worse it has none.

Kenny I often still have to remind myself and say out loud if I have to..
"These are just feelings,JUST feelings ,they cant and wont kill me". 
And then I can feel safe enough to explore them in depth,although its rough sometimes and painful old feelings resurfacing can tip me a little over the edge occasionally.

Lynsey x.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Ah ya, you put "concepts" so well into "words" lyns. :wink: Seriously, you are totally right. I still do think that I have stomach aches because of something other than just eating something wrong or that the pepto was expired. Obviously that didn't help, but you're right - they are JUST FEELINGS


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

Feelings can't be trusted.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

hazelnutta said:


> Feelings can't be trusted.


Hmmm...what makes you think that?


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## Guest (Oct 30, 2008)

Its true....I still have that...feelings cant be trusted allways,because we invalidate ourselves so much we dont know what feelings are real and what are not real any longer...but that can be worked on also....


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## Cathal_08 (Apr 7, 2008)

the more you go on this site the worse it makes it, fuk that!
it makes you think about it and that the worst thing you can do cuz its all in your head!
you have to :

just *try not to think about it*, concentrate on things going on outside your mind!
try to just *keep expressing yourself *(good or bad)
keep in your usual routine, *doing things you normally do that make you happy!*
just *look on the bright side* of what you still have, be grateful (things can always be worse)

and last of all just *DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT*
DONT LET SUM STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS CONTROL YOUR LIFE!
go out and do watever you want at any time! :mrgreen:


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Cathal_08 said:


> the more you go on this site the worse it makes it, fuk that!
> it makes you think about it and that the worst thing you can do cuz its all in your head!
> you have to :
> 
> ...


O cool, thank you so much. I'm cured now. Wow that was easy.


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## Cathal_08 (Apr 7, 2008)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Cathal_08 said:
> 
> 
> > the more you go on this site the worse it makes it, fuk that!
> ...


and what exactly is your method?
sittin on this all day crying about it!


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Kenny! Read this ( I have already booked myself an appointment)

http://www.bluepoppy.com/cfwebstorefb/index.cfm?fuseaction=feature.display&feature_id=240

It's what the Chinese call Plum Pit qi - which you can get from supressed emotions etc, which can cause blockages.

Love ya stinky x


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## Guest (Oct 31, 2008)

Cathal_08 said:


> and what exactly is your method?
> sittin on this all day crying about it!


How insensitive ,you sound more emotionally constipated than anyone here LOL..I know that kenny and Robsy are both working very very had on their issues and that neither of them sit on here all day,and when they do come on here its not just to receive support for themselves but to help others also,which is far better than your denial and attitude of "fuck it ,ignore it ,it will go away"...How very "constructive"...

This is a support site,thats why people come here.....IF you however do not like it then YOU leave.

That chinese medicine looks great Robsy,I might have a look into that myself,did you post the link also in the Alternative remedies and therapies?

Lynsey x.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Cathal_08 said:


> and what exactly is your method?
> sittin on this all day crying about it!


You are very lucky I am on my meds right now or I would probably go ninja style on your ass. :evil: 
To answer your question - no I do not sit on here all day and cry.
I have not truly cried in 2 years, I wish I could.
I work doing manual labor for a construction company 20-30 hours a week.
I play the guitar, socialize with friends, travel, surf, shape surfboards and sell them (am working on starting a company).
I just came back home from living in a bungalow me and my friends built on the beach and lived in for a month.
I go to counseling twice a week that is 2 hours away from my house and am digging deep into the pain and hurt from my past that has caused me to dissociate and am FACING IT LIKE A MAN. 
I am dealing with it and it is very hard, yet I am choosing to work through it and face it head on instead of just "trying not to think about it" as you are doing which when translated correctly means you are simply ignoring the roots of your issues that caused you to dissociate in the first place and masking your pain.
I feel sorry for you.
Don't come on here and put me down - I am serious. Many people have done this to me and it hurts very bad.
I have been through a lot and am trying the very hardest with the tools I have to get better.
Next time you make a post like this get to know me before you insult me.

-Kenny


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

edit


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## msnina (Nov 2, 2008)

if i could come out of dp/dr at all i would jump through it with all my might...... if those of you who say it is dissipating but are scared of feeling normal again please please don't worry, i couldn't imagine anything better than feeling normal again after eight years of this hell. be well. i hate this inner nightmare.


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## Cathal_08 (Apr 7, 2008)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Cathal_08 said:
> 
> 
> > and what exactly is your method?
> ...


i didnt put anyone down, your the one that replied sarcastically!
i was only trying to help others, by giving some advice, whats wrong with that?
and then i asked "Whats your method?", since you thought what i said was completely pointless and of no help!


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

> surfingisfun001 wrote:
> O cool, thank you so much. I'm cured now. Wow that was easy.


Hey Cathal_08,

You're totally right. I did respond very sarcastically to your post and advice, and for that I apologize. It's just for some of us it's not that easy to do the things you listed and magically recover, however some of those are great things to keep in mind while working on getting better.

The parts that made me reply maliciously towards you were when you said:



> Cathal_08 wrote:
> the more you go on this site the worse it makes it


and also...



> Cathal_08 wrote:
> and what exactly is your method?
> sittin on this all day crying about it!


Like I said in my above post - I don't cry but wish I could. And yes I do admit, sitting on this site for too long can definitely make a person worse, but that is only if they choose to drown in their misery and let DP define them instead of work towards making progress and discovering/creating their true self. Also this site is a great place for encouragement and support. Many people benefit from that alone - knowing there are other people out there like them.

My DP stemmed from underlying issues that I had neglected my whole life, issues between my mom, dad, and self. After 18 years of having that weight held inside of me I dissociated because I couldn't take it any longer. So for me there is more I need to do than just ignore it. I feel I need to find the root of what caused this to happen (which I am working on), and work through these very hard issues between my parents and myself in order to find my true identity again and reconnect the parts of me that dissociated (I like to use the term "dissociated" rather than DP because when people label themselves as DPD many let it become their identity, which is not true. DP is a defense mechanism our brain uses to check out of reality when we have too much anxiety/fear to handle on our own. Depersonalization is NOT OUR IDENTITY, it's a feeling and defense mechanism our brain uses to try to find a safe place from the outside world.



> Cathal_08 wrote:
> ...try to just keep expressing yourself (good or bad)
> keep in your usual routine, doing things you normally do that make you happy!
> ...just look on the bright side of what you still have, be grateful (things can always be worse)
> ...


I like these parts, YOUR RIGHT ON THE MONEY! These tools are great to keep in mind, as I go through this healing process, so thank you for that. I think many of us on here who have been around for a while just keep hearing "ignore it and it will go away" from so many people. The thing is we've ALL tried that and are still stuck dissociated. Everyone fell into a dissociated state for different reasons and everyone's story is different, therefore everyone's recovery is going to be a different journey. None the less again, I am sorry for mocking your advice and appreciate the encouragement.

One thing to keep in mind is that when you tell people to "try not think about it" their immediate instinct is to think about it. If you tell someone not to look at the flagpole they are about to walk into I bet you 99.9% of people will look up at the flagpole. Haha, this reminds me of a funny video, you should check it out, it will give you a good laugh (not to mention the music is pretty damn funny!)






Sometimes I have very low points where I lash out, but that's part of life. I hope you feel welcomed here and if I have hindered you from that I am sorry. We are all brothers and sisters in this together and need to support each other the best we can.

All my best,
Kenny


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

surfingisfun001 said:


> I think many of us on here who have been around for a while just keep hearing "ignore it and it will go away" from so many people. The thing is we've ALL tried that and are still stuck dissociated. Everyone fell into a dissociated state for different reasons and everyone's story is different, therefore everyone's recovery is going to be a different journey.


THANK YOU for saying this.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

peachyderanged said:


> surfingisfun001 said:
> 
> 
> > I think many of us on here who have been around for a while just keep hearing "ignore it and it will go away" from so many people. The thing is we've ALL tried that and are still stuck dissociated. Everyone fell into a dissociated state for different reasons and everyone's story is different, therefore everyone's recovery is going to be a different journey.
> ...


 :wink:


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## Cathal_08 (Apr 7, 2008)

surfingisfun001 said:


> > surfingisfun001 wrote:
> > O cool, thank you so much. I'm cured now. Wow that was easy.
> 
> 
> ...


ye sorry for the kinda misunderstading and i apoligize for my reply.

i relise i really shouldn't have said "the more you go on this site the worse it makes it", since this site is for support, it was just since i stopped looking up DP related thing on d net and did normal things it took my mind off DP.

and i completely agree its annoyin hearin "just dont think about", its far easier said than done, wen i first heard ppl sayin that i was like how the hell am i meant "just not think about it",

by the way i still suffer from DP 24/7 but doing some of those things has really made it alot lighter at times, my DP is really milder over d last few months since i kinda stopped being soo worried about it


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Well that is good to hear that your DP is getting better. I feel like I'm on the road, it's just a hard journey. Bleh - I can't think str8 right now. Well I can see you were only trying to give help and support. I am thankful for that. Sorry for lashing out. Sometimes my mind goes all sporadic.

Kenny


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## Guest (Nov 7, 2008)

I agree it is not about ignoring anything ,it is ignoring things in the first place ,that leads to dissociation.
There is ignoring and then there is accepting.There is a difference,It is not black or white,all or nothing though.

I say grab hold of DP,d by the balls ,stare it in the face and yes think about it.
Think about it untill it no longer scares you to think about it because that is accepting it ,then stick two fingers up at it and tell it you have won,and THEN friggin ignore it.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

You fucking rock! 8)


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Today I feel like this:










:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :x :x :x :x :x :x               :| :| :| :| :| :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:

_*AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*_



At least I ate my mini wheats this morning


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

Haha Kenny!

Mark's a genius. Oh, gosh, you don't know how many times I feel like that too. Gah!!


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