# Is this DP?



## maschine (Mar 21, 2016)

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum so I'll introduce myself very shortly. I read some posts on this forum and i'm quite impressed by the knowledge. I'm mid-30's, married and have two adorable boys. I had my first dp 'attack' in my third year of college. After this experience I developed anxiety / panic disorder. I never avoided situations but it was nevertheless very hard to cope. Two years after this experiences I graduated (I'm a clinical psychologist btw) and began to work. In this period panic attacks and anxiety came and went but unreality wasn't always there. It was several years later, when I undertook a trip with my dad that I first had chronic experience of derealisation. Since then (now 10 years ago) it never left me (even when I was anxiety free) and depersonalization slowly creeped in. In the meantime learned to cope with it well and started of by helping other people with anxiety related problems. I went from psychoanalytical orientation to CBT, ACT, Mindfulness to finally EMDR, Brainspotting and Lifespan Integration. I'm still doing nice things with these treatment methods with my clients. Things went OK last years but then I decided to try Naltrexone to get rid of my final DP symptoms but I ruined everything. This was a huge blow in my face.

I still don't know however if this was related to Naltrexone ... has anyone witnessed increased anxiety after taking Naltrexone? I began with LDN very slowly and then built it up to around 75mg/day but it didn't seem to work. Around New Year I had a pretty weird unreal feeling while driving my car (I was at dose 75mg) and it was very hard to cope with that. Anyway, I still coped and moved on, but then in my own therapy something was again 'triggered'. At first I could feel some feelings of loneliness when we went to a quite minor incident in secondary school, but than a huge wave of anxiety came up together with unreality. At first, I thought it would go away, but it didn't and everything around now me is numb, with no feeling, no reason, no motivation. It is like I completely lost my inner compass (while before I still had something) and I'm acting like a robot without knowing what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Knowing that I have to function like this probably for a long time scares me and I feel like losing hope for recovery.

As a psychologist I turned everything upside down and I tried literally everything, going from searching for the root causes, analyzing family history and patterns, ... too ignoring, accepting it, ... but I'm doubting now if I don't just have some kind of hypersensitivity for developping DP.

Thanks much in advance for considering my post,

Some Q's =>

1. Is anxiety common in use of Naltrexone or could it be that this had nothing to do with the product?
I didn't have a positive reaction when I was building up to 75mg ...

2. Do people with DP have difficulties "knowing" what they want or not want? I mean ... does anybody has same problem with his "inner compas"?
We base ourselves largely on our emotional state (or perhaps even better: felt sense). Since this is lacking one could feel lost in all the choices of life like do I like my job, my wife, my kids, my life, ... and feel very lonely, guilty or lost in it.

3. Is lamotrigine (when built up safely) a good choice? I think i'm going to try it since I'm in such a state of high alert.
I must admit I'm a bit scared of how I'll come out of it. I've been DP'ed for a long time and don't remember how it was before ... anyone experiences this too?

I wish you all the very best in your path to recovery!


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## Alan (Jan 26, 2015)

Welcome to the forums! I hope you find what you're looking for here.



maschine said:


> 1. Is anxiety common in use of Naltrexone or could it be that this had nothing to do with the product?
> I didn't have a positive reaction when I was building up to 75mg ...


That I couldn't answer (maybe another member with more knowledge of Naltrexone could help), but anxiety or an anxiety condition is commonly comorbid with DPDR anyway, so I guess it could be difficult to say.



maschine said:


> 2. Do people with DP have difficulties "knowing" what they want or not want? I mean ... does anybody has same problem with his "inner compas"?


I have trouble with this too. I know what I think I want, but due to the reduced emotional response the goals I'm striving for don't make emotional sense, I guess. I'm working based upon the presumption that my current viewpoint is distorted (a la CBT) and things will make more sense if/when I'm better.



> 3. Is lamotrigine (when built up safely) a good choice? I think i'm going to try it since I'm in such a state of high alert.


Lamotrigine with an SSRI adjunct is generally the first thing that the Kings college unit will prescribe, I'm lead to believe.

As I understand it you will be closely monitored for side effects by your doctor.



> I must admit I'm a bit scared of how I'll come out of it. I've been DP'ed for a long time and don't remember how it was before ... anyone experiences this too?


I find the prospect a bit scary -- as DPDR acts as a defense mechanism of sorts I suppose this is understandable.

Since you have a background in CBT, you might find the book Overcoming depersonalisation helpful, it's pretty spot on in the way it describes how DPDR perpetuates itself. It was written by psychologists/psychiatrists from the kings college london depersonalisation unit.

Hope some of this helps


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