# I am begging you :(



## lostit (Sep 12, 2016)

Can anyone tell me is it possible to feel normal after this feelings of feeling strange to yourself and existential fear. I feel fear of my own thought process and my body. Help me please. I feel trapped in my own body. Please people, help me.


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## tiggerthegreeb (Sep 14, 2016)

I guess you identify with Depersonalization and/or derealization to some degree? From what I can tell its wildly different for many people. I've been dealing with it since I was 20 nearly 13 years now and for me it has been very constant 24/7 the entire time. It has lessened and changed over time but for me sadly it has changed my life forever and I don't believe things will ever be the same. That being said you will learn to get used to things. But acceptance of this fact really helped me to not freak out as I guess you probably are from what your post puts across. For me dealing with and acceptance of the present situation no matter how horrid was a real help even if the answers I got aren't what I wanted. I think some people are lucky but on the whole it is very life changing and difficult to come to terms with and your journey will be very personal to you. But just know you are not alone. Please take comfort in that fact. It took me many years to reach out and fully identify what had happened to me I just thought I had broken my brain somehow and that I was going insane. But 95% of my derealization has gone I'd say now but the depersonalization is my struggle and it it's going to be a long road yet for me. So just please reach out more and hopefully peoples input can help you along the way. I'm sorry if mine hasn't been great it's all I'm able to really give at this stage without getting too deep into the causes of what's going on for you.


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## lostit (Sep 12, 2016)

Thank you a lot for your reply. I have anxiety-depressive disorder. At this time I am scared of my own existence and self. I have existential questions like who am I, am I just my own thoughts and it freaks me out. I feel so lost. Like my life is over. I am female, 26 years old, finished law faculty. I was very happy person and I loved life so much. I feel so restless and scared all the time.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

lostit said:


> Thank you a lot for your reply. I have anxiety-depressive disorder. At this time I am scared of my own existence and self. I have existential questions like who am I, am I just my own thoughts and it freaks me out. I feel so lost. Like my life is over. I am female, 26 years old, finished law faculty. I was very happy person and I loved life so much. I feel so restless and scared all the time.


What happened before you became depersonalized?


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## aworthycause (Mar 22, 2010)

Yes, it's possible and once you're better you won't even remember what this was like.


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## lostit (Sep 12, 2016)

Pondererer said:


> What happened before you became depersonalized?


I had strong panic attack and after that I felt weird to myself and than existential thoughts came. I feel like I forget how it looks like to be human without being scared of that.


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## lostit (Sep 12, 2016)

aworthycause said:


> Yes, it's possible and once you're better you won't even remember what this was like.


 Thank u a lot. What about existential thoughts about my own existence?


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## tiggerthegreeb (Sep 14, 2016)

From my understanding the existential thoughts of your own self and existence strongly identify with the depersonalization side of things. I had this a lot initially. I would look in the mirror and recognise the face but not know who I was or feel like I knew who I was looking at. I also felt very emotionally shut off from what I was used to. Althiugh the irony is that I was totally freaking out in my head a lot of the time. Mine developed through a huge anxiety disorder I wasn't really aware I had which led to myself being anorexic for four years then bulimic and it just spiralled out of control. It is very scary I understand that but please don't be. It does get better with time. There is a post I came across the other day on her I shall find for you and it really helped me but I feel it might be more confusing at this stage. Basically the fear of your current state of mind and anxiety almost allows the state of mind to exist. It's a bit like a catch 22. The fear of the fear helps it continue. I know it isn't easy but know you are here. You are you. And if nothing else you are the person in the world you have always known. It took me a long time to believe that. For example your mood affects how you see the world. If you are happy you see all the good things in the world around you and if you are sad all the negative things. So believing what you experience now only feeds the conditions. Please feel free to ask me anything. I'll try and help best I can. It's a truly horrible experience.


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## EmmaBo (Aug 31, 2016)

lostit said:


> Thank u a lot. What about existential thoughts about my own existence?


They pass. It all passes like it never happened. The thoughts, the terror, all of it. It passes. It's a case of weathering the storm in the meantime. Let time pass.


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## illmatic (Apr 16, 2016)

It will all pass. I suggest going to the Recovery Stories section on this site and reading the stories there and try to stay positive.


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## lostit (Sep 12, 2016)

Thank you a lot people. God bless u all. I feel like I forgot how it looks like to be a human. I have fear that I will start runing from myself and screaming because I am so scared of my existence. I am on fluoxetin for 2 years. I am so sad because I make my family so sad and afraid. It's uncomfortable for me to simply exist. Love to all.


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## just_liviu85 (Jul 1, 2016)

Me to i have a fear to exist like i notice that i am human i see but i scared to what i see like is only a movie i see clear but not trust what i see that create anxiety when i am alone like i ask my self how can i exist then boom crazy anxiety like is distroy me i tray not to think imeditlly to watch a movie to drink water eat nutts and hope not to think so absurd but i dont no if is anxiety combine with depresion that i borred by my life i now that is how that started but not for sure


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## lostit (Sep 12, 2016)

just_liviu85 said:


> Me to i have a fear to exist like i notice that i am human i see but i scared to what i see like is only a movie i see clear but not trust what i see that create anxiety when i am alone like i ask my self how can i exist then boom crazy anxiety like is distroy me i tray not to think imeditlly to watch a movie to drink water eat nutts and hope not to think so absurd but i dont no if is anxiety combine with depresion that i borred by my life i now that is how that started but not for sure


I feel you. I feel so strange to myself. Scared of myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired and scared.


tiggerthegreeb said:


> From my understanding the existential thoughts of your own self and existence strongly identify with the depersonalization side of things. I had this a lot initially. I would look in the mirror and recognise the face but not know who I was or feel like I knew who I was looking at. I also felt very emotionally shut off from what I was used to. Althiugh the irony is that I was totally freaking out in my head a lot of the time. Mine developed through a huge anxiety disorder I wasn't really aware I had which led to myself being anorexic for four years then bulimic and it just spiralled out of control. It is very scary I understand that but please don't be. It does get better with time. There is a post I came across the other day on her I shall find for you and it really helped me but I feel it might be more confusing at this stage. Basically the fear of your current state of mind and anxiety almost allows the state of mind to exist. It's a bit like a catch 22. The fear of the fear helps it continue. I know it isn't easy but know you are here. You are you. And if nothing else you are the person in the world you have always known. It took me a long time to believe that. For example your mood affects how you see the world. If you are happy you see all the good things in the world around you and if you are sad all the negative things. So believing what you experience now only feeds the conditions. Please feel free to ask me anything. I'll try and help best I can. It's a truly horrible experience.





EmmaBo said:


> They pass. It all passes like it never happened. The thoughts, the terror, all of it. It passes. It's a case of weathering the storm in the meantime. Let time pass.





illmatic said:


> It will all pass. I suggest going to the Recovery Stories section on this site and reading the stories there and try to stay positive.


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## EmmaBo (Aug 31, 2016)

lostit said:


> I feel you. I feel so strange to myself. Scared of myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired and scared.


Hi there.... you use the word 'scared' twice in this short post, and that is what you need to address. Your fear is perpetuating the feeling of detachment. You have to remember that in REALITY (which is very very real!) there is nothing to fear (remember how you felt before this?) so the fear you have now is just a symptom of DP. See it for what it is, and try - try as hard as you can - to address the fear. Slowly, slowly you will recover. xx


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