# Could it be ROCD?



## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Hey guys,

so, just a short summary







. My boyfriend and I have been a couple for almost 5 years now and I never ever questioned my love to him. I have always been a bit afraid of marriage and children,but I was always convinced that this was due to my anxious personality (and I still am convinced, kind of). About 4-5 weeks ago, a thought struck me like a lightning: "Or is he just not the right for you? Don't you love him enough?" I ended up crying half of the evening and panicking about losing my love to him and so eventually losing him.

From this moment on, I started to analyse every tiny aspect of my feelings. Did he make me smile? Did I miss him enough? Do I want to see him this evening? How much do I love him? Is this enough? Enough for a marriage? Would it be brave to stay or brave to go? Did I always love him? I looked at pictures and tried to figure out if I felt anything- if I did, I was happy, if I did not I panicked or was extremely upset. I question every "I love you", each kiss and each of his gestures. Did this gesture of him annoy me? Did I find it cute? Do I want to see this for the rest of my life? Do I find him ugly (which I did NOT in almost 5 years)...etc. etc. These thoughts circle around my head for at least 8hours a day and believe me- it is really annoying.

I have researched the topic a lot and eventually found the term "ROCD" (Relationship obsessive compulsive disorder) and just thought: Yeah, that's me.

Does any of you guys know more about this? Or does anyone actually HAVE this problem?

Deep down I know I still love my boyfriend, but I am really afraid these fucking thoughts will ruin my relationship, the best I've ever had and the best I will ever have, if I will react like a coward.

Any ideas?

Best wishes,
Steffi


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## staples (Apr 1, 2009)

OCD can come in so many forms there could be a book on just different obsessions and rituals. Deep down though it all stems from the same grounds, anxiety. It's good to find a psychologist who specializes in talk and cognitive behavioral therapy, especially for OCD.

I can tell you this though... if you really think about it. You "losing" your love for your boyfriend, unless it was actually true you wouldn't be as upset as you are right now. You obviously do care for him and because of that it's tormenting you to have intrusive thoughts about not loving him. That is OCD, the more one worries about their thoughts, as not JUST being thoughts, the more we tend to act and actually believe on them.

Hang in there, you'll be fine









Steve


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Thank you so much for your answer







Funnily, you have the same name as my boyfriend, so I see it as a sign of heaven that YOU replied to my question









Yeah, deep down I know that something "is not right", that these cannot be my own real thoughts and that I am gonna be fine and that we will get married and have children, just as we planned. But sometimes it feels so fucking real and that brings me so much unease, sometimes even panic.For no money in the world do I want to lose what we had/have. He is the best that could happen to me, nevertheless I am so afraid. Afraid to lose my love for him, afraid to lose what we had, afraid to hurt or be hurt, afraid that we will split someday, afraid to chose the wrong partner, to ruin my life..... Yeah, it is probably all about anxiety









I am really glad that I have found this forum


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## staples (Apr 1, 2009)

Gypsy85 said:


> Thank you so much for your answer
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I found your reply very touching







... We're all here for a reason. The only downside is once someone recovers, they want to be as FAR AWAY as humanly possible from any type of forum that has to do with their disorder. Whether it be; OCD, DP / DR, Panic, GAD.

I think we need to stop looking into the future and focus on the present. MY problem, I tell myself I'll never be able to get over this disorder and I'll be stuck with it the rest of my life. Is that true, no, but negativity gets the best of me and that fuels my own anxiety.

If you ever need to chat or vent, let me know.

Steve


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