# Scared that a therapist won't believe me



## Homers_child (Apr 13, 2008)

Or they will downplay my problems..

DP/DR aren't my only problems that I would discuss with them. I have problems with social anxiety/avoidance, depression, self-loathing, paranoia and self-harm. I'm just not sure how they are going to react to me. I'm not exactly the crying, and banging my head into the wall type. When I talk with people I'm always very well-spoken and technically 'calm' and composed. What if they downplay my problems or think that I'm not suffering that much, or are just making it all up or exaggerating for attention? I'm not sure how they would think I'm doing it for attention, since no one knows about any of my problems except my family knows that I have anxiety, but I still fear it.

The one thing I wouldn't be able to take is if they downplayed my dissociation. Which when I think about it, is the one aspect they probably would for misunderstanding of it. Derealization is literally driving me mad, I've had it chronically for around 6-7 years and I feel like I can't take it anymore. I think about hurting myself all the time to try to shock myself out of it because I can't take seeing the world like paper cut-outs anymore. I honestly think that I have the disorder, but the therapist I had a few years back told me I shouldn't 'confuse' a symptom of anxiety with depersonalization disorder. What the heck? I was way too anxious and uninformed to argue with what she said. But now, I'm quite sure that my dissociation is a problem all its own, distant from environmental factors. But, what if they don't believe me?

If I told them that I think I have 'depersonalization disorder' and possibly 'avoidant personality disorder', will they view me as just a little girl that is 'looking' for a mental problem? I really fear that. Apparently self-diagnosing and research for 6 years is bad and not to be trusted, even though I probably know more about depersonalization than they do.

And what will happen if I mention self-harm or that sometimes I 'think' about suicide? Will they throw me in an institution? I don't have a desire to die or plans, but I still fear that if I so much as mention the word, they will have me committed. Or even just for mentioning self-harm.

Gah... Can anyone respond, please?


----------



## dreamingoflife (Oct 22, 2006)

Homers_child said:


> Or they will downplay my problems..
> 
> DP/DR aren't my only problems that I would discuss with them. I have problems with social anxiety/avoidance, depression, self-loathing, paranoia and self-harm. I'm just not sure how they are going to react to me. I'm not exactly the crying, and banging my head into the wall type. When I talk with people I'm always very well-spoken and technically 'calm' and composed. What if they downplay my problems or think that I'm not suffering that much, or are just making it all up or exaggerating for attention? I'm not sure how they would think I'm doing it for attention, since no one knows about any of my problems except my family knows that I have anxiety, but I still fear it.
> 
> ...


Well, if your therapist is one worth seeing then they will listen to what you have to say and not think you are just seeking attention or for pity.

I have went into doctor's offices and explained things in detail and they would give me the look like "How do you know all of this" I just tell them I google a lot lol. Most therapist should understand how anxiety disorders work. We like to research things to death and try and find out everything we can about things we think we have or know we have.

About the self harm thing, this is what I understand out the situation. The only way you can be hospitalized is if you admit that you are capable of harming yourself to the point that you are no longer safe to yourself or others. Typically you have to be on the verge of killing yourself type thing. Again this is my opinion but I am sure that is how it works. Anyway, just go in there and be honest and if they are a good therapist then they will take everything you say in and give you a diagnoses that you are happy with and not think you are just looking for pity. Good luck!


----------



## no3one (Feb 23, 2010)

Hi,
I've been going to doctors and therapists for years. All in all I've been fairly successful because I'm here talking with you and not stuck my corner. Many years ago there wasn't the kind of access to info that there is nowadays (it's sooo cool to have it now). I had no way of educating myself to be able to advocate for myself. There were times that I was not believed or taken seriously (meaning they believed that I believed). I held back what was really going on in my mind and, though I couldn't talk that well, I talked well enough to downplay myself. There's no way to know for certain that my being overly cautious and tight-lipped with the information was the reason for my problems to be dissmissed so easily. I changed therapists and doctors a few times for a couple of different reasons over several years. In my situation I felt it was better to tell them everything, even the tiniest things - And I told of my fears of not being believed. I told of the problems I felt I had with other therapists and doctors. I laid it all out. If they couldn't help me I'd know within the first few visits and I could go on to the next one. I didn't speak up about mine problems at first because I didn't want them to think I had any problems. Yeah I know it wasn't very logical but it seemed like it to me at the time. For a few years I designed my own therapy strategy. I went and tried to convince my therapist and/or doctor that I really didn't have a problem. I kept most everything to myself. Whether I could really hide it or not I have no way of telling. It takes quite a while to build up a relationship with a therapist with trust and such. I think it's very important to be as truthful as possible. They can't help like they are needed to without know all they can. I can't speak for any therapist or anyone else for that matter. I used to have horrible thoughts of stabbing my wife and ripping my dogs head off with my bare hands. These thoughts would just pop in my head and well...I was affraid to tell anyone because I thought I'd get locked up or something like that. I couldn't stand it anymore and I blurted it out. She didn't even flinch. I expected her to call someone with us in the room alone together. I thought she'd be afraid and disgusted but she wasn't, or at least that's what she told me. I found out that those thoughts were a symptom that could be helped. Good luck with your decision and I wish you the best.


----------



## isthisreallife (Mar 20, 2010)

OMG! you guys all posted things that I was like haha thats so me. Like I actually started laughing its insane that I could relate to what you said like I was telling the story.

homerschild, I totally understand your fear of being downplayed, I don't know if this is also true for you but in my case I can be very easily swayed and if someone tells me oh thats nothing, I'll take their word for it and feel like crap, but I'll feel like I was exaggerrating. In my experience though a good therapist will not downplay. You have to go in there and tell them the truth not holding anything back. If you feel like perhaps you won't be able to fully relay what you feel or how strongly this affects you because something holds you back, then tell the therapist/doctor/whoever this. Tell them "Its difficult for me to express exactly, or explain to you how much this affects me" or something like that, because their natural reaction may be to judge that you seem fine. Although also a good therapist should recognize people may seem fine but thats not always the case either. when you said you were typically "composed" I laughed because thats so me as well. I hide my problems so well, my friends are like DUDE you are handling this so well! I'm like WTH are you talking about! I try my best to make sure everyone sees me as being fine..

dreamingoflife, I agree, and just to add to that, they only worry if you have planned suicide in the past. I was scared of this also, becuase I have thought of this, but they ask you if you've ever planned or are you currently planning it, then if you are they worry, if not they don't worry.

no3one, oh my thats totally me again, i finally dragged myself to therapy, but like a fool I tried to come off as completely fine! I started out only talking about general anxiety and stuff hoping that being able to fix my anxiety was enough and that I wouldn't have to say more than that, now i realize saying it all is the only way to fix it, even if some stuff is not as significant, its better than leaving something significant out, you just never know! I won't repeat everything no3one said, but he/she gives great advice listen to it! in the end just realize that you know whats wrong with you. You know that (talking to homers child) your symptoms and feelings are real, and just try your best to relay that to them! But back to no3one, your thoughts of harm that you didn't want to describe and finally did, I have the same, for me its OCD (don't know if its the same for you) and I said some horrible things (my thoughts) to the therapist and like you she didn't flinch, she didn't call authorities, nothing, she just said thats normal for OCD and it can be helped! anyway don't want to steal homerschild's thread so I'll stop.

I know its difficult with the dissociation (homerschild) but try your best to tell them, its hard because for one its so hard to describe! I'm a bit of a hypocrite because I still haven't told the therapist about it, and I never had a name for it until NOW, but that was because I had no way to describe it, when I tried it didn't make sense and she didn't get it, so i gave up. I think you should name it depersonalization, tell them what your feeling, and if they know anything they should know what it is. They should also know that its difficult to describe. Perhaps begin with the depersonalization and then the other things because they are linked will flow from there. Its late over here where I am, and I'm tired so I don't know if I make sense, maybe you already had your appointment and talked about it







hope it went well, if not hope it goes well! Good luck! sorry if I make no sense


----------



## Sarasi3 (Mar 4, 2010)

'Is this real life' you make me smile







i am happy you found people you can relate to! i feel so good knowing that there is this great website for us to get support and advice.

just wanted to add that my psych hadnt heard of 'depersonalization' as such- she knew it as a 'dissociative disorder' and didnt know what i meant until i mentioned it was also called dissociative disorder. i dunno if this will help people but worth a shot.

also printing out info from websites with a definition and a list of symptoms (highlight the ones you relate to) can help convince people that this does exist, and it helps you to explain what you are experiencing if you cant find the words.

www.wikipedia.com has a good description of depersonalization and dp disorder.

all the best!


----------



## isthisreallife (Mar 20, 2010)

25yo, yeah its weird I relate to a lot of you even if its not DP/DR related! It has made such a difference in how I look at things, answered a lot of questions just by knowing there is a name for it, and that others experience it its wonderful. Like not only am I not crazy, but I'm also not alone!

I hope my therapist has heard of it, she is pretty good in all the things she knows which is great, she didn't get it when I explained in the past (before I knew what it was called) but I did a horrible job of explaining so I don't blame her, I will try to tell her dissociative like you said in case she doesn't know. I have a strong feeling that even if she gets what depersonalization is though, she will probably say its a symptoms of anxiety and will go away or something MEH w.e. as long as I know what it is I feel better and I'm still getting treatment which might help the DP/DR in the long run, I may even print off the symptoms like you said cuz it may help. THANKS 25yo! all the best to you too!!!


----------



## Guest (Mar 29, 2010)

.


----------



## Astrid (Mar 27, 2010)

I have had good experiences and bad experiences with being believed. The first psychologist I saw had heard (not from me) about some symptom (sort of inside people/parts, not alters though) and without listening to me proceeded to read the DID criteria to me. Well let me be clear I don't have DID, and I convinced her of that fairly quickly, but then she no longer believed this thing was significant at all. Other doctors/therapists have downplayed every single symptom that wasn't a "need for clarity" (derived from the criteria of my primary diagnosis) and made up fake "diagnoses" and medication suggestions to scare the heck out of me. You bet I didn't tell these folks about DP/DR (or anxiety or occasional self-harm or the parts for that matter).

Now since a year I have a psychologist who so far is quite good. We spent half a year biweekly figuring out how to communicate (thank goodness insurance pays







), but now we're on the same page. Even when we still figured out how to communicate, she wasn't downplaying my issues; I just didn't kno whow to talk to her about them. I came out about the DP/DR stuff to her last week, and I was damn scared she wouldn't believe me. I had already come out about the anxiety (I haven't come out about the self-harm or the parts thingy, and don't think I will), and I was scared she would think this was just too much given that neither are my "primary" problem. However, she actually did believe me.

In my experience, it is fairly easy to spot a jerk therapist/doctor who won't believ eyou. The only reason I stuck with these dumbasses is that I was/am institutionalized. However, it was easy to figure out they had no clue what they were doing and were not going to believe me, so I just talked them to their mouths. If you get such a therpaist, of course you can leave right away.


----------

