# Do you think it's DP and either way, what should i do?



## Glidarn (Dec 9, 2016)

Hello everbody! I've been a lurker or whatever you wanna call it on this forum for many years, havent been active but sometimes i've stumbled upon some threads and read.. Anyways now i finally decided that i'd make an account and just shortly tell you guys about my issues and hopefully get some helpfull comments in return, would be much appreciated! Also im really sorry if i this is posted in the wrong place, wasn't to sure where to put it :O

Okay so.. Let's go back around 4-5 years ago when i was 15 years old. That's when i first came in contact with Alcohol. First time i drank everything was great, it was a great experience :S Anyways.. Secound time i drank, went home, went to sleep - woke up and felt very weird, didn't care about it and it faded in about 1-2 weeks. I didn't really think much of it. But i realized the next time i drank that when i drink and wake up the day after that's when i get theese weird feelings, so i researched and figured out to 99% that what i've been dealing with the day after alcohol intake is calld: "Derealisation". I learned to live with this lifekilling disease, i got it when i drank so i only drank when i felt like i could feel like a fucking zombie for 1 week, (when i learned how to just don't care about it, it only took 1 week before it dissapeared), so i just lived with it, didn't tell anyone about it but it was hard when friends wanted you to drink and you wanted but you knew you would feel spaced the fuck out for a week so would it be worth it, most of the times no. So yeah.. Basically after i drink even the slightest alcohol i get: "Derealisation" for around 1 week, then it goes away, and i've learned how to cope and how to live with that, it sucks but i can manage it.

I think the stuff i just typed is very useful to know before i type this next part that is the real problem right now.. Between 6-8 months ago, i drank alcohol and as usal got into my: "Derealisation" state. But this time i was with friends the day after, we were out in a boat fishing and my friends were smoking some weed. So i knew i shouldn't smoke at this point, in this state of mind - couldn't possible make things better, but smart as i was ofc i had to smoke aswell.. (can i ever forgive me for smoking in that state?) So i took one toke, then another and i remember how i laught at something pretty extremly :O And i remembered how baaaam and all my feelings just shut off completly, i couldn't feel anything when i laughed, (i thought i just got abit deeper in derealisation or something and tryed not to panic to much about it) i kinda sticked to myself for the rest of the night just thinking, went home slept - woke up the next day and realized that my "thinking voice" had gotten alot quiter, if that makes any sense. What i mean is i suppose a bit of a loss of the ego. Also extremly much brainfog and as i noticed the day before - no feelings. Even like body related feelings are gone, such feelings you get when you for example get tired, when your muscles need rest, even thoose sort of things are pretty much completly gone. And the emotional stuff are gone completly. You might ask "How do you know when your tired?" I notice it when my eyes starts to close on me. So i think this is instead of: "Derealisation" - this is: "Depersonalisation"? Right? The issues i experience basically is: Can't feel feelings, "body-typed feelings" are repressed to like 90%, if i work out like super hard i can notice slight weird behaviour in how my body walks because of the pain, but i can't really feel it. Alot of brainfog, my thinking voice is alot quiter, (loss of ego?) memories feels like they are very far away in my mind, like they buried deeeeep. My short term memory is awful. I've also noticed that i can space out and not think about anything, i just realize after i've done it that i was pretty much somewere else but not in thoughts, i was more like "dead" for a while, hard to explain - i think it's connected to the ego, that the ego is kind of shutted down..

I've been on "Venlafaxine" for 1 month, it's a SSR'i "medication" - this was like 5 months ago. I stopped after 1 month because it didn't do anything good. Now around 1 month and a week ago, i started taking "Wellbutrin, Voxra" it's apperently a dopamine medication that is supposed to make your dopamine levels get highier. I took it for 1 month and a week, (stopped like 2 day ago) cuz it hasn't really done anything on the dp issue - but i has noticed that it is giving off some vibes of amfetamin. But yeah, it hasn't helped the dp thing so im thinking that i should stop because my body is working while i eat this pills really hard, since it makes you stay awake alot, and shit. And i think my body needs rest from stress and shit so i stopped. I've also eaten some multivitamins, omega3, l-tyrosine and 5htp and zinc, vitamin c, b complex etc. Havent noticed improvement by anything. I've been in this state for around 7-8 months now and im getting serously tired of it. More and more thoughts are going towards suicide / taking drugs like dmt, lsd, cocaine. Im not saying im there yet, but i notice how my mind is shifting towards that, i guess im sorta starting to give up maybe, and thats why? But i still have things to try before i go on thoose dark roads, so don't worry! Anyways im sorry if i've typed abit weird and with bad English - im very tired atm and i just wanna waste some time. But do you guys think that this is in fact: "Depersonalisation" or what do you think? The thing i read around the net is people say the have feelings of not being realy etc etc, i had that while i was: "Derealisation". But now i have NO feelings, NONE at all. They are vanished. But i can still laugh, now it was a while ago, but i know i've laughed about things, so my body can still do the bahaviour, it's like my brain is still realiesing chemicals but im so far away, im so disconnected from my body that i can't feel the emotions, but they are there, i think??? If you took your time to read this, i want to tell you that, that means alot to me! Please whatever is on your mind, comment if you have some seriously good tips on how to recover and do you think i have what i think i have? Just comment guys, thanks!

Glidarn out.


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## NotoriousLiar (Apr 23, 2009)

Sounds like dp to me. 'Not feeling real' can either be that you feel detached from the world around you (dr) or yourself (dp), it's more like a sense of detachment. Even though you're disconnected from your emotions you can still sense that detachment.

You're still able to laugh and maybe even cry while being emotionally disconnected, you just can't feel any emotions behind it, so doing these things might feel fake to you.

Many people with dp/dr have a loss of inner monologue / can't hear their own thoughts, brain fog /or obsessive thinking.

Loss of sense of self is exactly what it sounds like = you don't know who you are, have no self, no personality, no identity, feel like you're no one.

Memories feeling distant is also very common with dp, it might feel like they never happened or like it was just a dream.

Can't really tell for sure about the derealization. If by 'spaced out' you mean feeling like you're not there, world seems unreal, feel like a ghost, detached from surroundings, unable to connect to anything or anyone. Almost as if you're in a coma somewhere and everything that's happening is all your imagination. If your derealization goes away within a week I wouldn't worry too much about it! But staying away from alcohol completely is probably a good choice if you get it every time after drinking.

Sorry if this came across as short or rude in any way, I'm really tired and having trouble thinking straight right now. I just happen to like these posts where you can 'diagnose' people..it makes me feel important.


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## Glidarn (Dec 9, 2016)

NotoriousLiar said:


> Sounds like dp to me. 'Not feeling real' can either be that you feel detached from the world around you (dr) or yourself (dp), it's more like a sense of detachment. Even though you're disconnected from your emotions you can still sense that detachment.
> 
> You're still able to laugh and maybe even cry while being emotionally disconnected, you just can't feel any emotions behind it, so doing these things might feel fake to you.
> 
> ...


Sorry for taking so extremly long to anwser this, im blaming it on my dp :S Also you did not come across short or rude AT ALL, the opposite i'd say! A very good anwser, you really read my thing and commented your thoughts, im very sure that i infact have dp atm, especially after reading your comment, but i also came to this desecion some weeks ago, it just has to be dp. Im taking you tip, wont drink alcohol. I have time to go to a psychologist in a couple weeks, so thats what im waiting on right now, ive read alot and apparently dp/dr is *probably* related alot to that i or whoever has it probably has a very weak sense of identity, alot due to the upbringing and early childhood, and it all makes alot of sense if i think about it. I do have a weak identity, so dissociation is logical for someone like me when i experience trauma or stressful things. So im going to speak to the psychologist and see what he/she thinks, if they dont really know whats going on and have no good anwser for me i will take the problem into my own hands and probably start experimenting with shrooms/dmt, (last resort). I mean i could be dead instead of this, it's basically the same thing. So after alot of thinking i think like even if the drugs fuck me up even more it dosent really mather, rather that then living life like a spectator, right?

Anyways thank's alot for the comment, i appreciate it! You seem to know your shit (Y) If you have any new insight since your comment please let me know, any tips? Do you think shrooms could be a "good" idea? As a last resort..


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## NotoriousLiar (Apr 23, 2009)

First I need to point out that I'm not an expert, most things I know about dp/dr is from internet, books and own experiences.

Many people have said or would say the same things I'm about to tell you now. I might not be right about everything so I would advice getting a little more input from others as well.

I never tried drugs, I don't smoke or barely drink (anxiety induced DP). It doesn't mean I'm completely against drugs though. If people want to do drugs then I won't try to stop them, but it's not for everyone! Especially if you know you're dealing with mental health issues you should stay away from drugs! I remember a youtube-video about a guy getting dp/dr from shrooms, so it definitely wouldn't surprise me if they made you worse.

Searching for help is a very good choice! Unfortunately dp/dr is still kind of unheard of to many psychologists or therapists etc, but they might still be able to help you. So you shouldn't let that discourage you. In most cases dp/dr is related to anxiety, stress, traumatic experiences, bad drug experiences or any other incident that was too much for them to handle. I think what's most important is that you know what caused it and what triggers it and most therapists or psychologists should at least know how to help patients suffering from bad anxiety or patients with dissociative disorders.

You might not know exactly where your anxiety is coming from or if you even have anxiety, because the dp/dr cuts you off from emotions that were too much for you to deal with. If you suspect your early childhood might the cause, then at least you have something to work with.

In most cases the feeling of dp/dr itself is enough to cause a person distress and keeps it going. Worrying and obsessing about the way you feel are the worst things you can do. Patience, distraction and trying to live a normal life while trying to stay positive, I believe is very helpful while dealing with this. You need to know that you didn't 'fry' your brain and that recovery is possible, even though it might take some time.

I read somewhere that you're not supposed to try to escape from anxiety, you should let it be there without paying any attention to it, and let it pass. If you allow yourself to feel anxiety, you will 'teach' your brain to open up to other emotions as well. I think I read it in that book/app by Paul David.

It will probably take some time before you start to actually recover from this and you can't tell for sure if you're doing the right things because of this.

Do not think too much about the way you feel or pay any attention to your dp/dr, this will make things worse for sure. Obsessing about your symptoms, who you are, existence, life, death etc. will keep it alive.

Distraction might give you some relief unless your dp/dr is so severe that you're completely uninterested in everything.

You could try some relaxation or meditation, at least it won't hurt to try.

Try to keep your stress low. Stick around people or environments that makes you feel comfortable.

Trying to keep this as short as possible for you to read. And just to keep you motivated: I know this is hell, mental torture and that you're probably feel completely hopeless and convinced you'll stay like this forever, I've been there. Had constant dp for over 9 years (dr for 'only' 2 months), but mine is bearable and has been for many years at this point. My dp/dr was at it's worst in summer of 2008 until beginning of 2009. What helped me the most with this was getting rid of my obsessive thinking. But it doesn't mean you can't recover or that you'll have dp for years.

Hope this will be helpful!


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