# I don't know what the fuck to do anymore.



## Melissa_Z

I'm suffering like Ive never suffered before in my life. I NEED HELP. I can't socialize, I can't go out, I dont know where I am. I FUCKING HATE THIS. I don't want this in my life anymore. I feel like I'm in a coma and brainless. What kind of life is this. WHAT DO I DO? I NEED ANSWERS. I NEED THE RIGHT ADVICE. I don't want the same answers, ignore it, distract yourself, NOTHING IS WORKING. I feel useless. My brain is completely useless. I'm scared for my life every single day. This is not the way to live. 
maybe I have something else seriously wrong with me and I don't even know. As far as meds go, it has been three weeks and Lexapro has not kicked it in yet and I pray that it gives me relief. I don't think I can do this anymore. I cry every single day with pain and suffering and nothing hurts more than feeling like there's nothing I can do about it. I'm also on Ativan but it's not working anymore, Ive been on it since Sept. Should I start a new benzo? I need something to take the edge off.

I'm paralyzed by this. absolutely paralyzed.

I'm seeing a different psychiatrist on Monday, someone who actually knows what DR is. I'll cry my heart out if I need too. THIS NEEDS TO BE FIXED NOW.

I NEED POSITIVE ADVICE. I WANT THIS OUT OF MY LIFE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

WHAT DO I DO?


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## ValleyGirl

I know how you feel. I had a short period of dp and dr before I got chronic dp and dr so I think that the first couple of weeks, I tollerated it ok but then things quickly went down hill and I felt exactly like you do. I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't eat or shower. I felt like I was on some other planet. I cried constantly. I also was convinced that there was something really really wrong with me. So I decided to keep going to the er to try and get help. I went to the er like 10 times, even called an ambulance once in the middle of a freak out. I had a brain scan, heart scan, and full blood work every 3 months and nothing is wrong with me physically.

I know that you don't want to hear that distraction and trying to go on is what you need to do but it is what you need to do. It sounds like the stress of the dr is building and then feeding on itself and that is making your dr even worse. I am dealing with the same thing right now with my dp and dr. I would REALLY caution using a benzo on a regular basis though. It is literally hell trying to come off of them. I have been off since the beginning of October and have had to take a tiny dose like 4 times since and every single time I take it, I feel worse than I did before. It really helps me to see that the benzos provided no benefit and actually were making my symptoms worse.

Is there a possibility of you being able to see a cognative behavioral therapist? I saw one and the coping skills she taught me really helped. I think that the main idea is to recognize that dr is just a lie your brain is telling you. You feel like you don't know where you are, like everything is a dream, etc but the truth is that it's nothing but a feeling. So try your best to refuse to believe it. Every time you catch youself going "OH NO! I feel like I don't know where I am!!" stop yourself and say "Melissa, stop it. This is just a lie your brain is telling you. I know where I am. I know that the world is real. It's just a feeling. It isn't the truth" and then try to shift your focus onto something else. Watch a movie, do an art project, or read a book. Every time your mind tries to go to the place where you are dwelling on how you feel, stop yourself, repeat the truth to yourself and focus on something external from yourself. This is really how you are able to overcome. Constantly thinking about it, obsessing about it, reading about it and talking about it just feeds it. You build up more fear and more anxiety and that just keeps it going. You have to learn how to starve it. You have to learn how to not dwell and take charge of your mind and place it on something else.

I know how hard all of this is. I really hope that you are able to feel better soon.


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## Melissa_Z

Thank you for your advice. it means a lot. I just wish it was that easy for me. at the beginning, I handled this like a pro, but then it got worse. I literally am terrified to go anywhere. When this first started it was much easier to ignore and just live my life. Now if I go to a certain place, I want to get out of there as fast as I can because it is just too painful.


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## Surfingisfun001

Melissa_Z said:


> I need something to take the edge off.


Try propanolol or klonopin. When taking meds I find that going into it with a state of mind that it is going to temporarily help take the edge off rather than expect it to cure me I do better. Good luck.


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## ValleyGirl

Girlfriend, I never said it was easy. It's really hard but it's what you need to do. You kind of have two choices; continuing to believe the lies, getting more scared and depressed, and more unable to function, or as hard as it is, trying to take control and refuse to believe the lie. The later was the choice I had to make after torturing myself for 8 months. Now my dr is at 95-100% better. Some days it comes and goes but the world is real to me again. It does go away and it can go away for you too.


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## skeyesthelimit

I know how frustrating this can be for you. You have a lot of focus on how you're feeling. Try going out of the house some, be around people, talk to people, do some activities you enjoy, listen to funny jokes, listen and sing some 90s songs, go rollerblading, climb a tree, bake some cookies for your next door neighbor, anything positive to take away the focus. Being alone and thinking about how bad you feel will just continue the cycle. Like the person mentioned above me, you will believe you won't go better if you continue to think it. But you will have to make some changes for this to happen as well.


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## Melissa_Z

I understand what you're saying but this time, the DR is so paralyzing that I can't even focus, go anywhere, do anything, as much as I want to, I am fueled by fear. It was okay for 4 months, I went out, had a good time with friends, ignored it but now it is unbearable. 3 weeks ago it just got worse. I'm at the point where I don't know what to do anymore.








unless, this is the way it works, with the DR cycle, or I guess as some call it, the " roller coaster." I just need relief. It must get worse before it gets better right?


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## ValleyGirl

Did it getting worse happen to co-inside with you starting lexapro? If so it probably is what triggered it. Every ssri/snri/anti-psychotic I tried made my dp worse.


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## Melissa_Z

It was like this before I started Lexapro. I heard that it could make the DR worse when you first try it, and then it will eventually get better? : / that's what I was told.


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## Guest

Hi Mellisa,

Today I rang a counsellor when I was on a bit of a bender. Yet again, her primary mission was to try and ground me. 
Grounding is about getting away from what you're feeling. Scared, anxious. stressed, confused etc, and focusing on the real things in your life. By real I mean back to the basic things. Pick things in your room, one by one, look at them, say what they are. What can you hear? Focus on sounds, identify them, one by one. What can you smell? Again go through them one at a time. Grounding is best done in a space where you feel safe. Your bedroom can be a place like this.
There's other things you can do to help ground yourself as well. Like get a photo ID. Car driving licences are good for this. Look at your ID. You are Melissa. You are an adult. You are a responsible adult. Reaffirm yourself. This is true what you are saying!
I do have more ideas on grounding techniques but I've got a brain block at the moment. I'll send some more ideas if you wish.
This is powerful stuff. It's real.

I really hope this helps.

Philos


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## PhuckDP

My advice. Get offline and do nothing. Seems stupid but that's exactly what you should do. Nothing. You said you tried everything. Now try doing nothing. Seriously, I'm speaking from personal experience here. What really helped me was just finding my comfort, like just being in the room all alone, all by myself, lying in bed and just letting go, letting it be. I wasn't fighting my thoughts, wasn't telling myself to think positive, wasn't telling myself what I should think etc... I wanted to face all my emotions that I was supressing and no it wasn't nice but hell if it's not nice, it's not. That's just how it was. Why lie myself saying it's different from what it is? Just don't do anything. Whatever you're feeling or thinking...there's a reason for it. Just embrace everything, don't interfere with positive talk or stuff like that at all.

I can relate to what you're feeling right now. Been there...and let me say...I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Hang in there. Like I said, do nothing, let your thoughts flow, don't be online, just lay down in bed if you can, be by yourself and let your thoughts just happen....maybe your organism is just trying to tell you something, maybe something just wants out of you and if you don't fight it, it might come out and make you feel freer. Not fighting your thoughts and emotions likely will be terryfing at first but in a few hours, you could feel liberating. As strange as it may sound, my advice is....do nothing, just find comfort, feel what u feel, think what u think. Do nothing. Just let it come.
My advice to you is in a complete contrast to what *ustabetinyfairypeople* suggested you. You might try both approaches although I'm pretty sure you already tried to rationalize stuff, tell yourself positive things etc. But you likely didn't try just doing nothing and embracing your thoughts. Personally, doing nothing, not interfering in my thoughts has really helped me. When I was telling myself positive stuff and tried to rationalize what I was going through, I just got to the point where I felt brainwashed...brainwashed by myself. So yeah, my advice is, do nothing, go with the flow and just follow your insinct..by doing nothing. I personally found it very liberating.


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## Fluke93

Melissa I'm going to tell you exactly how it is for me right now. Right now the DP is fading. I'm not kidding myself it is, even though yesterday i had a new symptom where my family were strangers, it hasn't increased its decreased. I no longer get unreal thoughts like the worlds not real nothings real, i am not real and my derealization is right down. I have a super foggy mind still i still dped but trust me when i say its fading. Whats killing me right now is the depression i am going through which makes me almost dwell on the DP. But i do firmly believe i am recovering altogether be it two weeks or two months even two years i believe i will be myself again and am determined. Now im going to tell you how i got there bare in mind i am not lying to make you feel better this is the truth okay?







.

When i first got DP i didn't want to accept it i was horrified when i realized people have suffered with this for years, and i pretty much kidded myself that i didn't have it but then one day when my depression was low i thought wtf yep i have DP and im going to have to live with this and it will probably pass eventually but until it does ive got to try my best to get on, with the hope that it will pass by in time. So i accepted that i had it this made me feel better for some reason. The second thing i did was not to be anxious over anything to not be scared of my symptoms and to not focus on it. After a couple weeks it started to lift. Now i know we have all heard "oh yeah ignore it" is the best thing well i believe this to be true. But i believe one has to at least get rid of some of the anxiety before this is even possible. When i was in my early stages of DP when it was weak i managed to live life just how it was and forgot about it all i had left was the brain fog no really weird symptoms.

Now this is only my opinion but im telling you straight that it HAS lifted for me im struggling with bouts of depression at the moment which doesn't help but as soon as i have overcome the depression i think i will be on my way to recovery. Seriously reading your post has brought bad memories back of what it was like for me over a month ago and i can relate to almost over it but i have got past that and so can you. Please know that there is hope. There was two recovery stories two days back, maybe read them. If i can get through this which i believe i can so can you







. I believe in you Melissa this is just a bump in the road for you. Just know you'll come out stronger







.


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