# Is there any hope for me?



## thyden66 (Jan 13, 2010)

In 1989, I stood in a college parking lot at night and listened to my fiancee tell me that she had lost the baby she was carrying. She had already named the baby, and she cried and begged me to never forget her name. At that moment, something broke inside of me. It was like a circuit breaker blew--and I felt like I had been cut off from the world around me, as well as the emotions within me. The next night I went with some friends to a bowling alley, and I couldn't feel my feet against the floor. I asked a friend to keep an eye on me and not let me do anything to myself, because i couldn't deal with the way I felt--the way I was exeriencing life now.. All the life, color, and feeling had been drained from my life. I ruminated constantly on what might be wrong with me. I sought help from therapists, but at the time DPD was not widely acknowledged, and I would get responses from them like "I don't understand what you're describing". I was diagnosed by different therapists as having several problems--dependent personality disorder, depression, schizophrenoform, possible muliple personality disorder, anxiety disorder, etc. I went to a man who administered psychological exams, specifically the MMPI. He said the results showed I didn't score high enough on any particular scale to warrant a diagnosis. But what I did score high on was depersoanlization, and that explained why I had so many diagnoses. When depersonalization disorder became more widely acknowledged I received the diagnosis of DPD.

But having my condition recognized didn't bring an end to the problem. It has been 25 years since the condition set in, and if I took the total amount of time I have felt like my previous self, and added them together, I have experienced less than one day of re-connectedness in a quarter of a century. I have sustained myself, mainly by not worrying about it and adjusting to my new life. But I have had a cloud of depression settle on me recently--fueled mainly by a loss of hope that I'll ever experience life in the same way again.

I just wanted to reach out, and see if this community had anything to offer me.

Thanks for listening.


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## Breanna (Apr 17, 2015)

There is plenty of hope for you, you just have to work at it everyday and instead of focusing on the things that you can't change or that disconnect you focus on what brings you closer to life and joy. You are in control of your response to your experiences, it takes work but it does pay off. It just has to be more important than anything else.


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

I think one should be realistic: After 25 years there is no hope that it will go away by itself. The only thing you could do is to try some medications. There are some that might work against depersonalization.


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## chelsy010 (Oct 29, 2012)

It looks like you have had dp for a really long time. I think that you can for sure get rid of dp 100%. Its going to take a lot work but I know you can experience normal life again. Read the recovery stories over and over and try different techniques, something will work for you!


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## John77 (Apr 15, 2015)

There is hope....I am recovered. Cured. Come to my page and click on my topic "Hope, Answers, and Recovery Here".


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

OP- You can still get better. I cured myself after 15 years of non stop DP/DR.

Im sorry about what happend to your baby, my deepest condolences.

The way that I got out of this DPD mess is realizing I cant "Think" my way out of DP/DR.. For the last 15 years i searched for the answer within my mind.. and Only now am I realizing that i've been looking in the wrong place the whole time.

Trying to think my way out of DPD only caused me more pain, hate, anger and suffering, because i was getting nowhere. I was going in circles... I realized these thoughts and emotions were keeping my DPD alive and feeding it. This was a never ending cycle of suffering. OCD like in a sense. I was my own worst enemy.

I had a deep realization after studying the human psyche and ancient spiritual practices.. I am not my thoughts... *I am the observer of my thoughts*. i am the concious awareness beyond my thoughts. This realization gave me control over my thoughts/emotions like Hate, Fear, Anger..It allowed me to stop the thought cycle that was feeding DP/DR.

I realized the past is an illusion, and the future is now. Always being in The Present Moment is the key.

I also had to fully let go of who i was before DP/DR.. I was clinging onto my past for 15 years hoping i could feel "normal" again or feel like how i USED to feel. When in reality I could never be that person again. Because that person is an illusion of my past. Me clinging onto the past created an inner conflict that kept DP/DR alive. It had me always wanting to be something that I was not.

So I started meditating and surrendering fully to the present moment. I had to dive into DP/DR fully, dance with it, Love it, face it head on in the present moment. When I surrendered to it fully , DP/DR lost its power over me... And the symptoms have subsided.

Once I did this it was like i woke up.. DP/DR went from being a horrible reality that ruled my thoughts and emotions to a peacefully perception that i have total control over.

I guess it all comes down to just controlling our emotions that feed DP/DR, and surrendering fully too and loving each present moment we live in. The more we resist it, the more it remains alive.

Hope this helps your situation out OP.

Peace


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## Ningen (Apr 16, 2015)

Meditation is helpful but I can never seem to allot time to do it.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

Ningen said:


> Meditation is helpful but I can never seem to allot time to do it.


Theres a good zen quote you should know.

"You should sit in meditation for 30 minutes a day, but if you're too busy you should sit for an hour."


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