# I don't know what I'm going to do. DP is taking over.



## anon.114 (Dec 4, 2017)

I've experienced depersonalization episodes before for hours or a day at a time only occasionally but I never thought anything of it until this past week where it's been extremely intense and stressful. I know that DP can stem from anxiety which is what I'm assuming has happened. Normally I just push all of my anxiety and stress to the back of my mind and let it appear as if it is not there. I think that it's unhealthy for me to do that rather than just dealing with it and I think this week I've let it all come back at once on top of the anxiety I've already been experiencing lately. I know I've been thinking a lot about college and my future which is probably the most stressful thing to me. It scares me tremendously for some reason. I've started to miss some school because of the way I'm feeling. It gets so much worse when I increase my surroundings or what I'm doing and that's such a stressful thought. I don't know what to tell people when I miss school. I want to tell them what's going on with me so they're aware but I don't want them to look at me like I'm insane although that's definitely how I feel. I want to know when I'll be able to feel normal again. I'm so so so afraid of what's going to happen in the future. I'm afraid this is going to affect my performance in school, music, life in general. Every time I shower i can feel the temperature change from hot to cold but it's like my body has no response to it, it's like I'm not becoming hot or cold with the water. Anytime I eat I can hardly taste anything other than if something is sweet or savory. When I drive I feel as if I'm in some desolate world and everyone passing me doesn't actually exist. It looks quiet. When I talk to people I don't feel in control. I look at someone and I talk but I can't feel myself processing any of the words I'm saying. I don't feel like I'm processing anything around me but I'm still somehow functioning and reacting and interacting but I'm not thinking about doing any of those things so it really confuses me. It's like someone else is talking for me. It doesn't feel like me at all. I look at my hands and I know they're mine but they don't feel like mine. Its like they almost have a mind of their own. I am endlessly questioning what I'm doing because I know my brain isn't working properly. I question if I'm at school at the right time and right day. Did I show up accidentally on a Saturday? I'll obsessively check the time and date on my phone. Im having trouble deciphering if things have happened in a dream or not. I feel like my depth and time perception is off. I look at a clock and know what 5 minutes is supposed to feel like but it doesn't feel the same anymore. I feel like things are happening so fast and I'm just going through the motions in everything I do. After driving I often forget the entire ride and it confuses me as to how I got from one place to another with no memory of what happened in between. I feel depressed sitting in my room as everyone else is out in the world living when that's all I want to do but everything that's happening feels so empty. I feel like I'm not getting anything out of life. I'm constantly stressed thinking about it and how it's affecting me and it's only been a little over a week. How much longer is this going to last?


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Hey,

I kinda jump in when no one replies, the reason no one did is block text is so hard to read, learn to use paragraphs (just being honest).

Stress is horrible for everyone, so aren't alone there, i am only a bit through reading this and you say 'thinking' a lot, which means you are in that anxiety stage where thoughts are on a loop and over analysing everything.

You are defiantly thinking way to much, again the next few lines were thinking, thinking, thinking. To lower anxiety from my experience and everything i've read you have to live in the moment and not think about the future, just think 'what am i having for breakfast' in fact don't even think that, just do it, try and get in the doing things, that's when you get a chance to lower anxiety, music as you mentioned is a great thing as when listening / performing you often are too busy to think of anything.

I wouldn't worry about telling your school friends, some will never have experienced at your age depression or anxiety, but some will. With some you will be able to relate to and that will be awesome, some simply won't register.. so just take them ones with a pinch of salt, they can't empathise, usually as they have never experienced it.

All that stuff from when you drive and how you feel, is basically explaining this and how it is when you have anxiety.

Yeah time perception is a real bitch with DP, one thing i haven't got sorted yet, i wake up and have to look at the calendar, lucky it's on my phone these days.

The drive thing many people get without the disorder, it's usually how i explain DP to people, if i bring it up, as a lot will think "oh yeah, that happened me ONCE"... once being the lucky part.

Wait it's been a week? what triggered it?

sorry i kinda just answered this like an essay.. the key things are either tackling this by learning about anxiety, going to a doctor for therapy or medication..or all three.. no one can answer how long it will last, but i am certain I would have made more headway faster with what I know now. EDIT: that doesn't mean read for it all day every day, that really keeps the loop going. Read 'Holy Grail DP' thread.

(why am i here? because my anxiety is at a stage where thinking about it doesn't change anything unless I am having a bad time)

I can't really make which line you should go for, it brings up another deep and not much discussed, should you take medication very quickly or should you see how you fair without it discussion..which is maybe another thread in itself.


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