# Is This Progress?



## retep (Mar 19, 2013)

Is this progress?

In the last year I have felt more connected to the world, less fear, confusion, obsessing, and a lot less disturbing existential thoughts. A lot of this change has been through examining my childhood and adult relationships from a more grounded perspective and throwing out some of the escapist perspectives on how life should be in a perfect world.

I have also had some pretty powerful bouts of depression in the last year- which I was also having along with the earlier mentioned DP symptoms. There are times when the depression is especially strong when I wonder if I am justing trading in DP for depression. I'm not sure which was better- because they both suck immensely whichever you are dealing with.

I just can't help but see myself as damaged, unlovable- I could push away those feelings pretty well before with DP by focusing on the opposite, but I wasn't really dealing with what I REALLY thought. Now, I try to see myself as better than that, but most of the time I slide right back into thinking how un-relatable and different I am than everyone else- and not in the good way.

I've done a good amount of reading on toxic shame and forgiveness, two things I need to work on, but most of the time I just don't get it. Or I should say, I get in theory, but not in practice.

Does anyone have some insight on what steps towards recovery are like with DP and depression? Is it a good sign that I feel less DP'd even if I feel more depression?

Thanks


----------



## marry1985 (Dec 1, 2013)

Of course it is a good sign. It would be better to feel both?


----------



## retep (Mar 19, 2013)

Good point. I do still feel both though, but the degrees have changed- more depression less DP.


----------



## greymanor (Feb 5, 2014)

I've been through both also but i can tell you that depression is part of a grieving process.I had it for 4 years. It's because of the things you lost not how crappy you're life is at the moment whether it be because of dpd or anything else.When I recovered from depression i just woke up one day and knew i wasn't depressed anymore but i didn't feel happy i didn't feel okay ,i also couldn't feel anything and life at the time had in no way improved if anything it was worse than it used to be.There's nothing I did. It just left . Maybe the time that passed made it all just so much more far away and easy to accept things i've lost and ii can type that sentence without being haunted by thoughts of it all.

Just like there are no steps to getting rich or being happy ,there really are no given steps for getting out of dpd or deppression.They happen and for good reason.You'll get out when you should and when you're ready or at least that's what i like to think.

They aren't exactly connected even if they root from the same cause having more or less of one or the other i wouldn'tt think means much .Take them both as seperate unless the depression stems from you having dpd.


----------

