# Fearless I need your help!



## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

I have read nearly all of your blogs in the last two days. But it has ultimately made me more anxious and is making me scared that I'll resent my parents and that I have some super deep down pain. My parents are very willing and helpful to me in my times of need. My therapist says i have insecure attachment but I'm no more codependent than the average person. My mind is too cluttered to think straight so i need your help. My therapist forced me into the social world so I could try and get over my social anxiety. I did pretty well. He said it would help me with my insecure attachment and let me gain confidence in myself. That I need to stop living with my guard up and stop being so sensitive.

If you are interested in my childhood story let me know!

as far as my family goes:

Mother, a very loving woman. A bit of a worrier. When i was younger, around 6-10 she would get angry and call names (not ones that would make me feel worthless, ones that i would brush off because i was mature enough to realize shes over dramatic sometimes). She gets jealous that I spend my time expressing myself to my father

Father, an intelligent man that has had my back since I can remember. He would yell every once in a while but i can remember one day him asking me if i want him to stop any of the things he does and i said for him to not yell at me anymore and he said he would stop, and he did. He would also force things out of me, tell me he could tell I was acting certain ways. Id give in and tell him what i was feeling bad for (watching porn for my first time etc). To this day I go to him for my problems (just sorta started in the last year) and he always helps me and gives me reassurance. He also claims he had DP when he was younger.

Brother, used to beat on me when i was younger, but i was a little sadistic about it. I kind of enjoyed the confrontation we'd have. But generally nice. Though sometimes he can be condecending and interrupt me. I just started standing up to him about it this year.

let me know if you need anymore details


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## Guest (Oct 9, 2013)

Fearless said:


> It's interesting that reading a blog can make you scared of resenting your parents, isn't it?
> 
> It's interesting how many people read my blog, and then write me and tell me that their parents love them and I shouldn't write these down. Come on, if you're confident about that, why you're even reading such material? Your parents love you, you love them, be happy.


Extremely irresponsible to say this to an obviously young person.

And no responsible therapist would say such a thing - and you're not a therapist.


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## Guest (Oct 9, 2013)

Dpcantstopus said:


> I have read nearly all of your blogs in the last two days. But it has ultimately made me more anxious and is making me scared that I'll resent my parents and that I have some super deep down pain. My parents are very willing and helpful to me in my times of need. My therapist says i have insecure attachment but I'm no more codependent than the average person. My mind is too cluttered to think straight so i need your help. My therapist forced me into the social world so I could try and get over my social anxiety. I did pretty well. He said it would help me with my insecure attachment and let me gain confidence in myself. That I need to stop living with my guard up and stop being so sensitive.
> 
> If you are interested in my childhood story let me know!
> 
> ...


Dpcantstopus,

No one on this board is a therapist, not to mention a licensed therapist of any kind. No one here can diagnose you or give you therapy. We each have a unique experience to share, and advice to offer, but you shouldn't take any one individual's "theory" on what is going on with you.

I agree with SolomanOrlando. There is no need to "go looking" for things that aren't there. Bottom line you need to trust your own feelings.

I would only encourage you to seek help from a licensensed therapist. I dont' know where you live, but I hope it is in a big city.

I haven't read about you at all, so I can't even guess what is happening with you.

But do not assume anyone here is a special "expert" in how to get better. And please remember you are on the interent. It is impersonal.

Are you seeing any professional? Have you spoken with your parents about how you're feelings? You have anxiety/DP/DR?

Young people here can get anxious reading a phone book. Please seek out someone in the real world.

Good Luck,

Take Care,

LC


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Fearless said:


> It's interesting that reading a blog can make you scared of resenting your parents, isn't it?
> 
> It's interesting how many people read my blog, and then write me and tell me that their parents love them and I shouldn't write these down. Come on, if you're confident about that, why you're even reading such material? Your parents love you, you love them, be happy.


Obviously I question it because my parents are extremely helpful with me. very understanding and dont judge me. And I'm obviously reading such material because YOU claim it to be the reasons as to why everyone on the forum has DP. Of course I will take your blog to heart because you're an intelligent and well spoken person.


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Le Chat said:


> Dpcantstopus,
> 
> No one on this board is a therapist, not to mention a licensed therapist of any kind. No one here can diagnose you or give you therapy. We each have a unique experience to share, and advice to offer, but you shouldn't take any one individual's "theory" on what is going on with you.
> 
> ...


I do see a therapist. I live in california so I'm not out in the middle of nowhere. Yes, my parents have been by my side with this for the whole duration of the 2 years that I've had this. Yes! I have both.


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

SolomonOrlando said:


> Your family seems normal, so I'm not really sure why you would end up resenting your parents. I think, in this case, just the fear and anxiety that you'll begin to resent your parents is enough to realize that you won't. If you're scared of resentment towards them, try to focus on the positives and it seems that your family has a lot of them. A loving mother, a great father and a sibling that, more or less, is pretty normal in most families - it seems as though you're just looking at the negatives when you should be realizing that you probably won't start hating your parents.
> 
> The fear of it alone is key that you won't.


I only say resenting because fearless goes on and on about how the way you perceive your parents will change significantly. "A world inside you will be crushed" is what i believed he said in either a blog or so a person on here.


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## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

Dpcantstopus said:


> I only say resenting because fearless goes on and on about how the way you perceive your parents will change significantly. "A world inside you will be crushed" is what i believed he said in either a blog or so a person on here.


It's not about hating your parent's, it's about seeing there role in your life in a less biased way. As a child and growing up, we accept everything that our parents do is always 100% right and for our own good, even if that is far from the truth. It's important to be able to look at our parents role in our lives without that lens of perfection skewing everything. Intentionally or not, they can be a potential source of emotional issues and other life problems, but if we don't have realistic view of them we can't truly understand or handle issues related to them.

It's not about hating your parents, but accepting that your parents aren't perfect, and that their imperfections may have impacts and consequences for your emotional health.


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Antimony said:


> It's not about hating your parent's, it's about seeing there role in your life in a less biased way. As a child and growing up, we accept everything that our parents do is always 100% right and for our own good, even if that is far from the truth. It's important to be able to look at our parents role in our lives without that lens of perfection skewing everything. Intentionally or not, they can be a potential source of emotional issues and other life problems, but if we don't have realistic view of them we can't truly understand or handle issues related to them.
> 
> It's not about hating your parents, but accepting that your parents aren't perfect, and that their imperfections may have impacts and consequences for your emotional health.


And that's why I'm rather confused. I get that parents make mistakes. All parents are, are big kids with children. I understand they make mistakes too, intentionally or not. But its hard to find ANYTHING negative about my parents. My parents never made me feel worthless, always told me to just try my best and that's all that matters. Im not a perfectionist at all, if i were id probably be wondering why I;m on this website rather than being at work and becoming successful


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## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

Dpcantstopus said:


> And that's why I'm rather confused. I get that parents make mistakes. All parents are, are big kids with children. I understand they make mistakes too, intentionally or not. But its hard to find ANYTHING negative about my parents. My parents never made me feel worthless, always told me to just try my best and that's all that matters. Im not a perfectionist at all, if i were id probably be wondering why I;m on this website rather than being at work and becoming successful


I'm not trying to convince you of anything, but be aware that the emotional issues we may have are never easy to spot, it can take a while to begin understanding what's really going on in your head. Point is, never be quick to assume you have no real issues, always be open to the fact that someday, you might stumble upon something that brings a light to some truth about yourself. I'm being cryptic because there are so many things it could be, maybe it doesn't even directly involve your family. So, be vigilant and open minded, and of course do research.


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Antimony said:


> I'm not trying to convince you of anything, but be aware that the emotional issues we may have are never easy to spot, it can take a while to begin understanding what's really going on in your head. Point is, never be quick to assume you have no real issues, always be open to the fact that someday, you might stumble upon something that brings a light to some truth about yourself. I'm being cryptic because there are so many things it could be, maybe it doesn't even directly involve your family. So, be vigilant and open minded, and of course do research.


Will do. I will keep going to my therapist. He has been incredible help the last 2 years and has helped me get out of my social anxiety.


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## Guest (Oct 10, 2013)

Dpcantstopus said:


> And that's why I'm rather confused. I get that parents make mistakes. All parents are, are big kids with children. I understand they make mistakes too, intentionally or not. But its hard to find ANYTHING negative about my parents. My parents never made me feel worthless, always told me to just try my best and that's all that matters. Im not a perfectionist at all, if i were id probably be wondering why I;m on this website rather than being at work and becoming successful


All I'm saying is. Don't go looking for "something bad your parents did to you that you haven't figured out" if it simply isn't there. And you do not have to feel that anyone on this board has "the answer" for you.

And I'm glad you see a therapist and have a good relationship with your parents.

With all of the abuse in my life, I always knew something was wrong. I knew something was wrong with my mother and with my father. These weren't "surprises" to me. It was just that I had to come to understand what was going on, how my interraction with them had created certain unhealthy ways of seeing myelf, others, etc. I

It is one thing to be aware of "something wrong" and another to go searching for "something wrong that isn't there" becasue someone on this board told you to.

I have a somewhat different POV of what happened in my llife. I say again, go with your feelings. I find it very odd there is an endless emphasis on "what we really don't know what our parents did to us." It just doesn't work that way.


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Fearless said:


> First of all, it's clear that you don't understand what my blog is about. It's not about parents making mistakes or not, I did not write anything like that. Other than that, if it's hard to find ANYTHING negative about your parents, it's also clear that you don't really know them. If they are human, they have negative traits I guess.
> 
> Don't let me convince you anything you yourself don't understand genuinely. My blog is there for giving people ideas about possible issues. If you find something that applies to your life, you can learn about it. But if they don't apply, no need to try to force it on yourself.
> 
> ...


I understand what your blog is. Its focused on how we were raised influence our behaviors. And sure there are negative things about my parents, as well as anyone. But they aren't the selfish type to project their insecurities onto me, etc. Since your blogs don't directly correlate to me, yet, or at all, I guess I will just keep communicating with my therapist. He seems to have a good game plan.

Could you ask me about the few things? I'm not always good with just starting off, if you know what i mean.

Oh ok. I just correlated it to that because I see a lot of people saying they feel worthless now because their parents called them worthless at one point.

You and Le Chat have a perpetual feud. Its only a matter of time before you both dissociate because of the constant battle you two have.


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Fearless said:


> Please don't give me advice when I'm not asking for it. You made me mad, no I don't ask you anything.


When did I give you advice on anything? You don't have to be so bitter. You said there were a few things that I said that confused you and I was curious as to what they were.


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Fearless said:


> Look, the thing is, I know very little about you and your family. It's impossible to tell you anything for sure. But I don't understand how could my blog make you doubt your trust in your parents, if you don't feel like that about them anyway. Like, how can Fearless, a noname forum member with a blog on dpselfhelp have so much power over you, IF you don't resonate somehow with what I write down. You get me?


Well, as anyone knows. People are gullible beyond belief. If you could write a comprehensive post that is convincing enough, you could probably convince someone on here that their mother is a cat. I mean that's a terrible example. But your blog is very well written, with the emphasis on certain words etc.

Like I was saying before, I guess I'll just still go to my therapist as He knows about me personally. I've brought up your blog topics to him but he doesn't really focus on them. He emphasizes that I don't have very good self discipline. Maybe something to do with my parents?


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Fearless said:


> Sorry, but it's simply bullshit.


thats why i said it was a terrible example lol. I was just mentioning that some people are overly gullible. Cmon, If someone can convince themself that they're the only conscious being in the universe, then the cat analogy isnt too far off.


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Fearless said:


> Do not believe me blindly. USE my blog, don't believe it. Read stuff, and see if they apply to your life.


Okay. I admire you for your honesty and putting things into perspective.


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## Guest (Oct 11, 2013)

Creating False Memories

An Interview With Elizabeth Loftus

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/new_scientist/2013/09/elizabeth_loftus_interview_false_memory_research_on_eyewitnesses_child_abuse.html

*AG: How susceptible are people to having these types of memories implanted?*
*EL:* Depending on the study, you might get as many as 50 percent of people falling for the suggestion and developing a complete or partial false memory.

Click here for the medical term


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## StartingOver (Dec 24, 2012)

Guess the frauds still run these forums, with their false credibility on the true core causes of DPs. All ignorant and oblivious, can't believe people still take advice from a person who has DP himself and still manages to criticize/insult you for having it. Till this day, you win nothing but being pathetic Fearless.

Something you're very good at.


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

StartingOver said:


> Guess the frauds still run these forums, with their false credibility on the true core causes of DPs. All ignorant and oblivious, can't believe people still take advice from a person who has DP himself and still manages to criticize/insult you for having it. Till this day, you win nothing but being pathetic Fearless.
> 
> Something you're very good at.


Still has dp?

What the wha?


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

StartingOver said:


> Guess the frauds still run these forums, with their false credibility on the true core causes of DPs. All ignorant and oblivious, can't believe people still take advice from a person who has DP himself and still manages to criticize/insult you for having it. Till this day, you win nothing but being pathetic Fearless.
> 
> Something you're very good at.


What's the true cause then?


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

Fearless said:


> LOL, when I tell them to take a look at their parents, and see if they've been emotionally abused, then you suggest that I'm creating "false memories" in them, but you open a thread about the same thing claiming that "your theory" seems to be valid about emotional abuse.
> 
> Pathetism 101.


Le Chat's quote is worth reading, because though alot of people on here have been emotionally abused, many also haven't, but by having no hope or direction towards recovery they cling to your blog because they think it applies to them, when it quite simply doesn't. People can convince themselves of anything and may end up 'facing up' to their parents even when they aren't the cause.

DP/DR aint one size fits all.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Midnight said:


> Le Chat's quote is worth reading, because though alot of people on here have been emotionally abused, many also haven't, but by having no hope or direction towards recovery they cling to your blog because they think it applies to them, when it quite simply doesn't. People can convince themselves of anything and may end up 'facing up' to their parents even when they aren't the cause.
> 
> DP/DR aint one size fits all.


I agree with you midnight, but do u feel u were neglected emotionally by ur parents? Like did they take interest in you, give you attention and make u feel valued? But yeah there are a wide variety of causes and reasons for developing DP there is no one size fits all category.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

missjess said:


> I agree with you midnight, but do u feel u were neglected emotionally by ur parents? Like did they take interest in you, give you attention and make u feel valued? But yeah there are a wide variety of causes and reasons for developing DP there is no one size fits all category.


Yeah they have always taken interest and they have always supported me. They have always said that all they want for me is to be happy, and if I am happy, then they are happy. Sounds fair to me


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Midnight said:


> Yeah they have always taken interest and they have always supported me. They have always said that all they want for me is to be happy, and if I am happy, then they are happy. Sounds fair to me


Were u an only child?


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

missjess said:


> Were u an only child?


yessir


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Le Chat said:


> All I'm saying is. Don't go looking for "something bad your parents did to you that you haven't figured out" if it simply isn't there. And you do not have to feel that anyone on this board has "the answer" for you.
> 
> And I'm glad you see a therapist and have a good relationship with your parents.
> 
> ...


I used to post on here ages ago and check back every now and then and I am so glad to see more talking about the effects of abuse.

You've got to stop this notion that just because you realized you were being abused or realized 'something was wrong', that others who didn't, nothing happened. Most of us think our childhood was normal, or that we deserved what happened to us.

You are too absorbed into your own belief system that you don't realize that other things happen differently to other people.

There are plenty of people who repress their abuse or believe what happened to them was normal. It's so offensive to other abuse survivors. And I know for a fact that you have triggered others who suffered serious abuse as a child, because you don't believe in repression or that people can block out abuse.

Emotional abuse is so complex and it's not as obvious as being hit or molested, there aren't as many cues from society as to what is appropriate. Not everyone figures this out and it takes time to process it all.

It honestly looks like a form of sabotage to other members who do want to heal as you are making them doubt their own experience. Is that not a form of gaslighting? Emotional abuse?

And let me say, that therapists messed me up and I would never trust one again, mainly because a lot of them carry their own issues. What helped me was reading books and talking to other people and doing things like the Harris Harrington programme. I think it's a good thing to take control of your recovery as abuse takes away so much control from you. Be your own parent, so to speak.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Midnight said:


> yessir


Wud u say u felt kinda lonely growing up? Possibly had an avoidant attachment style to ur parents?


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

violetgirl said:


> I used to post on here ages ago and check back every now and then and I am so glad to see more talking about the effects of abuse.
> 
> You've got to stop this notion that just because you realized you were being abused or realized 'something was wrong', that others who didn't, nothing happened. Most of us think our childhood was normal, or that we deserved what happened to us.
> 
> ...


Hello violetgirl, have not spoken to u in a long time how have u been? Xx


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

missjess said:


> Hello violetgirl, have not spoken to u in a long time how have u been? Xx


Hey!

I'm good thanks. You?



Fearless said:


> Sounds fair. Because parents who emotionally abuse their children are like :
> 
> - Come on Son, it's 4 o'clock, I have a meeting at 5, but I need to do some abuse and manipulation on you before that, so please come and let me abuse you, you worthless piece of sht.
> 
> ...


As harsh as this is, it's true.

This is the point of abuse, for the person who's being abused to not understand or realize that what is going on is bad. This is why abusers say things like 'If you loved me, this is how all families are, I do this because I love you' etc to make your doubt your experience. This is why we grow up not understanding our own emotions.

No parent is going to spell out to their kids that what they're doing is wrong. And how are young children supposed to understand what is going on?

And even when I confronted my parents, they said 'But we only hit you a few times!' Which in their mind may be true, as they are also in denial and are liars. But I know it happened on a daily basis, and I had friends who witnessed my mother kicking me at one point. But my mother 'can't remember' this. Hmmmm

So another thing is, don't go expecting your parents to admit anything.


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2013)

Le Chat said:


> Creating False Memories
> 
> An Interview With Elizabeth Loftus
> 
> ...


Le Chat, you can't be serious bringing up utter crap such as this. How many therapists in this world do you honestly think would bother implanting patients with false memories? I'm not disputing the fact that it CAN be done, I'm disputing how often do you think it really happens?

Taken from the 'Adults Surviving Child Abuse website. Note: FMSF is False Memory Syndrome Foundation.

'There have been a number of concerns about the activities of the FMSF, including:


The Foundation's founders and members diagnose thousands of people with FMS without actually meeting them.*
The FMSF confabulates figures to create an "epidemic" of FMS for which there is no epidemiological evidence.*
The Foundation accepts all denials of sexual abuse as true without asking for evidence, whilst stating that memories of sexual abuse are likely to be false unless there is evidence.*
The Foundation founders and members have engaged in campaigns of harassment, defamation and intimidation against adults complaining of sexual abuse and the professionals who provide them with care.*****
The Foundation's founders and members have regularly threatened legal action to silence their critics, and have a history of unsuccessful court action against others for "defamation" (e.g. Freyd and Freyd vs Whitfield, Underwager and Wakefield vs Salter).
The Foundation's founders and members have deliberately misrepresented cases of sexual abuse in order to further their personal and political goals.***
The board members of the Foundation make a considerable amount of money as "expert witnesses" as part of the defence teams for people accused of sexual abuse and other crimes.*'


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Susto said:


> Nice to see you back in the forum spreading some light violetgirl, I still benefit from the advice I got from your posts when I first joined here


Aww thanks. Hope you are doing well.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

Fearless said:


> Sounds fair. Because parents who emotionally abuse their children are like :
> 
> - Come on Son, it's 4 o'clock, I have a meeting at 5, but I need to do some abuse and manipulation on you before that, so please come and let me abuse you, you worthless piece of sht.
> 
> ...


It's funny because my Dad did say that

trollolololol


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Fearless said:


> If I think about what I accepted as "normal" in my childhood, I still get angry. I wonder how I was able to not punch my father in the face. I guess I stabbed myself in the heart instead.


Because we are taught to respect our parents, no matter what.

Another thing people need to realize, is that often parents will try and make out what they did wasn't intentional, therefore abuse. I.e my parents genuinely believe they weren't abusive as they didn't hit me to hurt me, but as punishment.

I'm sorry, but if you strike someone, your aim is to cause them physical pain. Therefore, it was intentional. People can convince themselves of all sorts of things.

The worst is when a parent says 'Look what you made me do' or 'I hate having to do this to you'. Putting the blame on the child for the parent loosing control. THAT emotional abuse is intentional.

Bottom line is, if a person with the most power takes their needs from a person with lesser power. I.e a parent and child. Without that person's consent and it causes negative repercussions, that is abuse. If it's a father molesting his daughter to a mother wanting her son to be the best at sport so she looks good. It's all abuse, just different types and severity.


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2013)

Philo said:


> Le Chat, you can't be serious bringing up utter crap such as this. How many therapists in this world do you honestly think would bother implanting patients with false memories? I'm not disputing the fact that it CAN be done, I'm disputing how often do you think it really happens?
> 
> Taken from the 'Adults Surviving Child Abuse website. Note: FMSF is False Memory Syndrome Foundation.
> 
> ...


*I am telling Fearless he is operating on the thesis that everyone here has been "abused" in God knows how many ways and THAT alone is the reason for their DP. If you read back a few pages you will see that I responded directly to Fearless who insists to many here that "No matter what they believe" (including myself and I KNOW I was abused and wrote an entire website about it -- which was very cathartic) that THEY HAVE DP/DR, anxiety etc. BECAUSE THEY DO NOT SEE ABUSE EVEN IF THEY INSIST IT WASN'T THERE. Even Freud pulled this shit on his female clients, then recanted his theories*

I am saying that many here without an official diagnosis (or two or three opinions if possible) from a trained thereapist are getting scared by speculation, and PARTICULARLY by Fearless. Note how many people are searching and searching for "what their parents did." Many say, "But my parents were good."

This is the exact "GOOD INTENTIONED"therapy given to children and adults in the 1980s and 1990s that resulted in major lawsuits for therapists (including one of my own.) ISS-MPD members ... 2 were psychoanalysits of mine. *Neither belileved I had any "repressed memories" and they never tried to tell me I wasn't seeing somethng that wasn't there. They did help me sort out what I couldn't understand as a child and can now understand as an adult - one good thing is they never diagnosed me as MPD or DID as in those cases they prodded people into admitting things that never happened, or exagerrated the importance of such things -- like a more normal chldhood wherein they "didn't see the REAL abuse.".*

If you would read that entire article, Loftus talks about suggesstibility in a 2013 article. Her work has to do with criminals who CLAIM false memory, or say "I don't remember killing X person" when they DID. And others who often under police questioning or torture will confess to and even start BELIEVING that they did such things.

*Read the article. People are suggestible. Fearless is playing on that. I am refering directly to Fearless here.*

*Everyone is asking HIM questions.*

And none of you seem to comprehend my theory of my own abuse which I KNOW occured. You don't want to, as I am a
longtimer with this. That frightens people. I "must not be trying hard enough."

*Read Loftus' article.*

And yes, some in the psychoanalytic community today continue to search for "unknown trauma" -- it's a good way to keep someone on the couch for years and for a lot of money. It can help, I've been through it, but CBT and DBT brought MORE RESULTS for me.

And young people here -- read what they say -- "But Fearless, my parents were good parents." And he responds "No they aren't" without ever knowing a damned thing about these individuals -- never meeting them in person. And they are afraid. Someone else wrote that.

I find Fearless to be very much like the therapists of those awful years who destroyed famlies and patients.

Belive me or not. I don't preach to anyone here. Fearless DOES.

Each of us has our own way of working through our issues. Mine is truly no different from examining my past and making it real, and clarifying it. I simply do not believe in these "unknown" memories Fearless, FEARLESS, insists people have. Including me.

You don't even take time to read Loftus. So WTH else can I say.


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2013)

*Also, I KNOW why Fearless makes me so angry. He is EXACTLY like my mother, *who denied my reality. I could say the sky is blue, she'd say it was green and make fun of me if I got confused. And it doesn't matter what you say to Fearless -- he is correct. Which is not possible. My mother believed she was God (and I believed that for years) -- the only authority. Fearless believes the same.

I wish people would not ask him direct questions. Read his blog, fine, message him, email him -- but don't scare the Hell out of many young people here who reallly if they were older would not be as influence and SUGGESTIBLE as they want answers NOW.

I ADMIT the sick dynamic between me and Fearless. He has a lot of problems. It's the blind leading the blind. With my theories I am "take it or leave it." With his -- you don't believe, you are an idiot, "fooling youself" and not trying to get well.

Sick. And I'd say my awareness of the dynamic I have with Fearless is progress. Something I wouldn't have seen perhaps even 10 years ago. For me that is a good thing. Believe what you want. He does not even know what CBT is or means. Saw that in a past post.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Le Chat said:


> Also, I KNOW why Fearless makes me so angry. He is EXACTLY like my mother, *who denied my reality*.
> 
> Sick.


Which is exactly what you do to victims of abuse who repress their memories. You say that all victims of abuse will remember or realize their abuse. Not true.

If threads like this bother you so much, just stay away then. Stop trying to sabotage other people. The OP asked a question and he got an answer, and he can do what he likes with it.


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2013)

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/new_scientist/2013/09/elizabeth_loftus_interview_false_memory_research_on_eyewitnesses_child_abuse.html

*This artlice is from2013. I prefer her expert advice and YEARS of study and that of others than Fearless. I have made that abundantly clear. And I am concerned for young suggestible individuals on this board.*

Read the ENTIRE article not one quotation I gave. But no one here reads other than what they wish to read, save a few people.

I don't care anymore.

*"AG: Is it the power of suggestion from a therapist that creates these "memories," then?*
*EL:* Yes, a lot of the cases involve suggestive psychotherapy. But you don't absolutely need the therapy. You can get suggestion from the culture and the environment, like when somebody turns on Oprah and sees one of these repressed-memory therapists talking, then believes this has happened to them."

And it doesn't have to be just a therapist. That is why Fearless is so destructive. If he would present his ideas as a theory, as I do, great. But not as Gospel.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

This is why we need some kind of private section for people who want to discuss their childhood, so people like you can't hijack it for their own needs. The OP is obviously curious and something has struck a nerve. It takes time for people to figure things out.

Just let other people sort their own lives out. You seem to think you can't be cured, which is fine. But other people want out of this hell, so just let them be.

You are concerned for young suggestible people? How about your own views which believe this is some kind of brain disease and it's effect on people? How is that helping anyone?

I don't trust the psychiatric system at all, it's all about money. I think it medicates perfectly normal trauma reactions and makes the person feel there is something wrong with them.

Just out of curiosity, what do you think about Harris Harrington who cured himself of DP and believes that DP is rooted in trauma and poor attachment?


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

Fearless said:


> If I think about what I accepted as "normal" in my childhood, I still get angry. I wonder how I was able to not punch my father in the face. I guess I stabbed myself in the heart instead.


Yeh, you know why don't you? Cos it was fucked up. Your Dad sounds like a pretty shit human being. Doesn't mean everyone elses was.

You talk about how emotional abuse can be very subtle and insidious, but if your childhood is anything to go by, then it was about as subtle as glassing someone in the neck.


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2013)

Midnight said:


> Yeh, you know why don't you? Cos it was fucked up. Your Dad sounds like a pretty #### human being. Doesn't mean everyone elses was.
> 
> You talk about how emotional abuse can be very subtle and insidious, but if your childhood is anything to go by, then it was about as subtle as glassing someone in the neck.


Use me as an example then. My mother used to spank me when I was little for acting out to much, so I began to mistrust her and started learning that self expression made me bad and unlovable, so I began to repress a lot of my emotion to avoid acting out. My father had the habit of slamming things and shouting and swearing when he was angry, sometimes at me, but more often at inanimate objects, either way it was very traumatic for me because to this day I completely shut down at the thought of someone being angry and shouting. I had sever bullying problems in school, but since I didn't trust my parents, or anybody, with my personnel life I never told anyone and suffered for years. My grades went to crap as a result, and since I refused to act out by getting help I ended up doing terrible in middle school, and my parents gave me such a hard time about I would have panic attacks when I failed a test or report cards came.

So yeah, none of this was struck me as emotional abuse for a long time and it took me even longer to see how everything is interconnected.

By the way, my mother only spanked me util I was 7 or 8, I don't remember it at all, but she has talked about it.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Huggy Bear said:


> I actually agree with Fearless that in almost all cases DP is caused by emotional abuse. However, he never ever delivers an answer how this knowledge is actually supposed to cure you from DP. Just knowing that you were abused does NOT cure you.
> 
> So Fearless, can you actually elaborate on how you were cured? Just writing that you "pissed blood" doesn't give me a particularly good insight into your miraculous escape from this disorder...


Lol this made me giggle


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2013)

Huggy Bear said:


> I actually agree with Fearless that in almost all cases DP is caused by emotional abuse. However, he never ever delivers an answer how this knowledge is actually supposed to cure you from DP. Just knowing that you were abused does NOT cure you.
> 
> So Fearless, can you actually elaborate on how you were cured? Just writing that you "pissed blood" doesn't give me a particularly good insight into your miraculous escape from this disorder...


Well, that's the thing, the way he goes on, you'd think it was some kind of revelation that our problems were caused by our backgrounds and parents - no shit, Sherlock! Actually processing that, and how to do it, is where the actual skill and subtlety lies, and he usually falls silent on that.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

Arguing benefits no one, people. It just makes this forum awkward and uncomfortable due to differing of opinions concerning recovery.


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2013)

They say that communication or lack thereof is the cause of most disputes.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

It's unfortunate because upon occurrences of disputes regarding methods of recovery, countless members will experience further confusion on what they must do to assist their condition. This is why I mentioned prior, and side with LeChat, to consult with a liscenced therapist initially. There shouldn't be any arguments here, we are all on here to serve the purpose of aiding others in recovery. Seeing threads like this will only discourage members who are suffering. I wish the moderator(s) enforced more rules to prevent outbreaks like this. It's a mental health forum, not a children's play ground. Nobody should be bashing.


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2013)

Yes, I am with Jurgen ... wow, this has 60+ posts. Why not simply create a forum "Questions for Fearless" -- suggest that to Rev or RevSarah. I would be so happy and would never go there. This stuff is on the MAIN FORUM.

1. IMHO, the main forum should not be "Fearless, what do we do? Help me! I need you."

2. No one should be addressed directly in that manner. We are here to offer info, share what has helped us, and that may not apply to anyone else or to many people.

3. There are so many sections on this board it makes my head spin. Rev and Rev Sarah have expanded this board from a few sections to so many I can't remember them.

4. Take or leave what I have to say. Take or leave what anyone else has to say.

One rule should be, no direct questions to any one individual. I can't recall a time on this board when this has happened.

Read the man's blog, read whatever you want. But conisder there are many ways to find your way out of this.

And Fearless admits to baiting me. I don't find that constructive.

There is no need for me to share my POV here. It can be found on my website. Take it or leave it as any other advice you may find.


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