# Do I suffer from depersonalization?



## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

I am 40 years old.

I feel detached from people. Even my family, children parents and wife.

A weird feeling like it is not me who is experiencing my experience.

Great difficulty to enjoy things.

The physical sensations of my body are like far away from me.

I force myself to do things that should be enjoyable like dancing or singing. It is like I do anything by force.

It is like I try to force myself to feel, my emotions, sensations and actions.

I also suffer from ADHD and restlessness.

It used to be much worse when I was 20. I felt like I am surrounded by a bubble from the world.

I was very confused.

I have improved since then.

I think I remember as a 6 years old child I felt normal. And this is the last time I remember I felt normal. and then had difficult time. And then became detached. I Didn't communicate with my parents and brothers for more then 10 years.

Do I suffer from depersonalization?


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## newbie101 (Nov 13, 2014)

Sounds like it. And the fact that you are just finding out what it is now is probably a great thing for you. Now you can work on it properly and not wonder why u feel so odd.


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## Guest (Feb 8, 2015)

I would agree with newbie, it sounds very much so like depersonalization. It seems you've felt this way for a while, is it more of the norm for you now?


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## 35467 (Dec 31, 2010)

Did you have anxiety with the outset of depersonalization? Where there some forms of problems in your childhood with some forms of abused? Are you constantly checking your state for "it is still there?" and obsessing over it?


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## sunjet (Nov 21, 2014)

I don't know why, but this sounds more like a mild-moderate level depression. What hobbies do you have, what do you like to do, even if you feel this way?


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

Jeff said:


> I would agree with newbie, it sounds very much so like depersonalization. It seems you've felt this way for a while, is it more of the norm for you now?


It is a norm for me since a child. I have been healed though a lot since my twenties.



Mayer-Gross said:


> Did you have anxiety with the outset of depersonalization? Where there some forms of problems in your childhood with some forms of abused? Are you constantly checking your state for "it is still there?" and obsessing over it?


I didn't feel anxiety or got abused. what realy ditrubs me is that I am not sure if I am enjoying.



sunjet said:


> I don't know why, but this sounds more like a mild-moderate level depression. What hobbies do you have, what do you like to do, even if you feel this way?


I do try to do thing that I like. like walking and being with my children.

Maybe more important then definition, I want to feel life more. including physical sensations. I want to feel my body and emotions more intimately.

I want to enjoy life. I am not sure how I am "supposed" to experience, because I suffer from this condition for the most of my life.

So I wonder is what I feel normal, or can I feel more intimate with my body and emotions?

Can I enjoy? Do I enjoy?

If I know it can be different it will give me a drive for healing.


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## 35467 (Dec 31, 2010)

The absence of a history of anxiety and obsession in your story tells me that it could be neurological basis for it.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

I think it happened to me in my life, starting at about 7 years old, when I had changes I found difficult.

Before this I think I was normal. Therefore I think it is something that happened due to situations that were difficult/ traumatic for me.


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## 35467 (Dec 31, 2010)

DP is a parasymptahic stress response the central nervous system comes up with when a fight or flight response is not an option. It is thought to come the vagus nerve. We have 2.vagus nerves -an old vagus that we share with reptiles and immobilization/fainting/dissociation comes from that. The is the new vagus nerve that is the vagus we are in when social, safe -we are in that vagus when sexual, playing. In DP the new vagus is out and the old vagus is the state you are in. In can be an unsafe self-hypnotic where you constant focus on it and feeling unsafe maintains it. You have to feeling safe and sedated to mobilized the new and safe vagus so the old vagus can be stopped. This is the central nervous system and it don´t care what you think - but when you feel.


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

> DP is a parasymptahic stress response the central nervous system comes up with when a fight or flight response is not an option. It is thought to come the vagus nerve. We have 2.vagus nerves -an old vagus that we share with reptiles and immobilization/fainting/dissociation comes from that.


I've tried to locate all publications about depersonalisation and never found a publication that stated that depersonalization is thought to be a parasympathetic stress response that comes from the vagus nerve. But I must say, that I did not yet search for general dissociation publications, so I might have missed something. So, it would be a good thing, if you provide a source for your statements, because this might be interesting if one thinks about the fact the parasympathetic nervous system uses acetylcholine as neurotransmitter and that antagonists of acetylcholine-receptors can induce depersonalization:

http://www.neurology.org/content/9/4/249.short

There are some writers, like Sierra, who think depersonalization may be an alternative to the fight or flight response, but he posits a fronto-limbic inhibitory mechanism. But depersonalization as a "defence mechanism" is by no means a proven fact, but rather speculation.


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## 35467 (Dec 31, 2010)

Well, the theory is Stephen Porges -and partly his friend Peter Levine. It is mentioned in a publication from the depersonalization research unit in the discussion section here: http://www.lorentzcenter.nl/lc/web/2013/556/ThemePapers/SchoenbergLWS.pdf

according to Stephen Porges we have to vagus nerves -or 2. parasympthic states


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

Makes sense this is related to stress.

I was so used to it, that I didn't realize what I was feeling was stress.

Now at least I can feel it, and feel its relation to depersonalization condition.

Feels like stress is blocking sensations and emotions from being felt directly.

Like stress is between me and the feelings.

Part of my healing is reducing stress,

Including by using medicinal plants.


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## 35467 (Dec 31, 2010)

You can say it is partly a self-hyponic anxiety/stress state -however the anxiety is sedated or masked away by the dissociate state. You can not feel the anxiety or the stress because of the depersonalization. But you constant obsession, checking behaviour is a reflexion of anxiety. Accept the state and the symptoms brake the self-hypnotic state with accept (to hell with it) and focus on the out-side. DP is partly you and you make it. If you ask DP every 2.min:"Are you still here" It will reply:"Yes, I am still here" . So, you have to stop asking and one day is will be gone but it will not matter to you then -and that it is why it will be gone -DP is something that came to mind and that we keep to it by maladaptive cognition. It takes time to brake that habit. In a way you are free of it -you are not just aware of it. You want to come out of it with the awareness of it going away. You want to be in control of it. But it only make the opposite effect because by being in awareness of it -you are keeping it into to mind. By giving away-you lose it.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

Could you please expand about this method.

In my case it like my mind is in delay.

So if I touch something, I will be unsure if I felt it or not, and my mind will get fixed on the touch that has

already happened, and not on what is happening right now. I will try hard to feel the touch which will produce the reverse effect.

It seems that two things are happening. one is the numbness to the feeling, and two is the confusion and anxiety or judging.

So first, how should I find out that my mind is anxious and fixed in the past event, and second what should I do when it happens

to break the cycle.


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## 35467 (Dec 31, 2010)

This is the overall method to it all -but it has to be broken down to steps. You body sensation is a reality of dissociation/sedation. You focus on it because it gives you anxiety and the anxiety fuels more sedation so here you are. Read recovery stories, look on youtube for similar stories or read pages like anxietynomore.co.uk -you have to break the circle of anxiety related self-focus. You are in that now.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

How can I accept this state, if it makes so difficult to enjoy?


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## 35467 (Dec 31, 2010)

jivangilad said:


> How can I accept this state, if it makes so difficult to enjoy?


I know what you are talking about. But you have to work with "fight and flight response" to a "immobilization response" you don´t like -because it is tha response that keeps it in mind. Try to read anxietynomore.co.uk and his blog on this or recovery stories .


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

I will.

I just really want to thank people that have answered me.

I felt very alleviated to know what I feel has a name, and others experience it.

I thought I am the only wired one.


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## IAOALGIV (Feb 12, 2015)

you are a beautiful person


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

Thanks.

I do want to say at this point that I use medicinal plants including Ayahuasca, Iboga, and also non hallucinogenic plants as a

means for healing. It does help a lot, I assume I will write more about it in some later time.

I have set my mind to take the next year for deep healing, and luckily it seems I will have much time for this.


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## jivangilad (Feb 8, 2015)

I am starting to post about using medicinal plants, in the treatment options.

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/49891-ayahuasca-iboga-and-medicinal-plants/


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