# does DP/DR interfere with libido?



## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

First off, I appologize for the inconvinience.

I understand that there are people under 18 (or 21 for some countries), so, if you are under 18 (or 21), I recommend you stop reading now.

I am wandering if DP/DR can get you into a flaming condition about sex. I have read an alike thread/topic yesterday, but it was oriented to medicine. *I don't take medicine!* (so far), I am interested about "ups" on libido caused by this mind's state sole (DP/DR).

I understand that it may very well be from the absense of activity, but I wanted an opinion since I don't know anyone who has DP/DR in order to ask.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Your body's on "high alert", so it will not spend its precious and limited resources on non-essential functions. When it is no longer on "high alert", things will return to normal.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

On the other hand, (I see where I may have misread your meaning), if you are experiencing an unwanted increase in "function", that too is your body trying to help you regain balance or some respite from the pain.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> I understand that there are people under 18 (or 21 for some countries), so, if you are under 18 (or 21), I recommend you stop reading now.


I have a feeling there are more people under 18 having sex than over 18 anymore. How much money is spent on re-igniting sex in marriages these days?

Okay, that was a bit of a stretch, but, I don't think you ought to worry about posting sexual content on this board.


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

It does for me. I am just to caught up in my thoughts and worries to have a libido. This isn't due to medication because I was like that before I started a med. It is because of the disconnected feelings. It is really becoming a problem in my relationship. You are not alone with this.


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## Kelson12 (Aug 10, 2004)

rainboteers said:


> It does for me. I am just to caught up in my thoughts and worries to have a libido. This isn't due to medication because I was like that before I started a med. It is because of the disconnected feelings. It is really becoming a problem in my relationship. You are not alone with this.


^^^ I can agree. I have lost any wants, needs and interest in sex and it sucks. I am just caught up in my thoughts and worries to think about ANYTHING external.


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## Guest (May 30, 2005)

My anxiety is the libido-killer. Quite hard to be aroused when you feel sick to the bottom of your stomach, have a dry mouth, a mind doing 110mph and all sorts of horrible, random crap going through your mind.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> Quite hard to be aroused when you feel sick to the bottom of your stomach, have a dry mouth, a mind doing 110mph and all sorts of horrible, random crap going through your mind.


That is, unless you're into that kind of thing.


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## peaceboy23 (May 25, 2005)

Interestingly enough sometimes my sex drive goes up if I'm generally dp'd or dr'd. I think it's a desire to connect to something just about the feelings and sensations. Granted I don't actually do anything, but it's just the feeling. Maybe I'm weird.


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## Guest (May 31, 2005)

Ben said:


> > Quite hard to be aroused when you feel sick to the bottom of your stomach, have a dry mouth, a mind doing 110mph and all sorts of horrible, random crap going through your mind.
> 
> 
> That is, unless you're into that kind of thing.


If only I was an anxietyphile...


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Cipramil (Celexa) kills my libido (which is usually a raging torrent of testosterone that blinds me to other priorities) stone dead. Utterly. Efexor didn't, but then again, Efexor made me feel like I was going to die. Simple choice.


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

My first post wasn't very clear. What I wanted to say is that DP/DR is making my libido going up, way up.

And the paradox in this, is that because of, something that looks like depression, I have low testosterone (the endocrinologist insists I should find a girl, but he doesn't "know" how difficult it is for me) because he sais "I am not happy enought".

I wonder if there is medication to reduce libido, so that I can have some slack. In the other hand, I don't like messing my body with medication.

However, it is not 24/7/365. But there are days (and nights) that I can think nothing else but.. you know.

I have the sense, that it is not sex that it is necessary, but rather the mental satisfaction that woman offers with her presence (and of cource the same a man offers to a woman also). But right now, I cannot afford a relationship. There are other things to take care first.

There must be thoughts to reduce libido mentally, right?


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## Guest (May 31, 2005)

What's wrong with just having a wank when you're horny?

Like you said it's not 24/7 so why worry? How old are you? I'm 20 and most of the time (When driving, out shopping or down the pub etc) I'm looking out for the nice girls - what's wrong with that?


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

There is nothing wrong with a wank  A wank is actually a savior in this situation, but it's so disapointing after (even during).

It's not 24/7. I try to look at the ground when I am walking out because I feel bad when looking at girls, like an accumulated thing. You know, why don't hungry people don't go outside a restaurant. I am (almost) 23.

Hmmm... Judging from the replies, this must not be caused by DP/DR. Perhaps one of the reasons DP/DR is here. That's must be the reason I am making the connection. Just realised that, when you said "I'm looking out for the nice girls - what's wrong with that?". With me, something goes "wrong" when looking out for the girls. Thanks mrmole


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## Guest (May 31, 2005)

brainsilence02 said:


> I feel bad when looking at girls, like an accumulated thing.


Same here, exactly the same - i'm glad you said that. You've just got to (try) and see that there's nothing wrong with it. But like you said, it's almost an instinct so it's not as easy as that.

From what you've said, I would imagine that you also have anxiety(?) and that both that and the DP (I'm also going to assume that you have more DP than DR) are affected by these underlying issues. So there is something at the bottom of this, possibly.

All my own opinion, so excuse me if it's wrong


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

A lot of girls have gotten used to be stared at their whole lives - which is unfortunate, but true. Simply looking at them and admiring them as being attractive won't tweak them out, I'm fairly sure. I get smiles looking at them - but, I also try hard not to stare which, actually, isn't to prevent them from being turned off but because I would feel guilty actually STARING at them.

It's difficult being sensitive to these kind of things - 'cause the mass dating world is geared towards the uber aggressive jerk. I used to play the part and got girls a sh*t-ton more than I do now. What a paradox.


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

deleted


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

Rainboteers,

I wish I could give you some intelligent, well rounded answer that could come from experience seeing people fix their problems, but I can't. I'm not sure there is an absolute answer. However, let me kind of spill what immediatley came to mind here and see what you think of it (it may be absolute crap, and if it is then it is).

Perhaps, maybe, you should try to have sex for different reasons? This may be an odd thing to say, but sometimes the pressure of highly-meaningful sex (always) can put a lot of pressure on people. What I'm saying isn't that you should have meaningless sex with your partner, but that you, perhaps, should try looking at it in a different way once and see if the angled point-of-view does something different for you. Have sex because it's fun or because it's spontaneous and exciting; try something different or new or something that you might do just because it's "interesting". Whatever - I'm not saying having sex from a light-fixture dressed as two rodeo clowns or somethin' (unless that gets you going), but, experiment a little.

The reason I say this is because point of view plays a lot in our interest of many things. For example, I can look at researching a new technology for my job as reading, yet again, another document - or I can try to find some interesting application with it and see the learning as an opportunity for me to be creative.

Sex doesn't seem to be, in healthy relationships, a one-dimensional thing that behaves the same at all times. If it is best kept, it seems to be a constantly growing, amorphous thing (I really can't think of a better word than "amorphous" - don't use that as your lead-in for sex, I'm sure you'll turn your partner off). But I think one of the limitations of our modern-day world is the immediate assumption that sex has to be for love at all times, which honestly it doesn't. Sex can be all about love, and if both partners want that at all times then it obviously had best be in their relationship - but it doesn't have to be. Some of my most fun relationships (and memorable) had, really, nothing to do with them other than unadulterated sex. Apart from learning more about things that jump around and move when you put batteries in them than I ever wanted to know, I learned how to relax a little. I don't know, perhaps these thoughts might help?


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

Thanks for your response I was actually about to delete the post out of embarrassment, but oh well! The problem is feeling so disconnected, like I am having sex with a stranger. I can't tell HIM that, I mean what the hell would he think, and I wouldn't blame him. I just feel so detached and it's so weird it makes me cry, and of course that doesn't help one bit. Maybe I will just pretend everything is okay like I do with the rest of my life. It's hard though I've already been traumatized enough in this area in past relationships. Guys just really lose their patience sometimes when it comes to sex. 

I do see what you mean by looking at it from a different angle, and maybe I will try that. I guess I could look at it as exciting and new because it seems so different. I don't know if I will be able to see it that way though, it takes me awhile to trust and be comfortable enough to get that close to someone in the first place. So you can see feeling detached would create quite the problem.


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

rainboteers,

Without intention to insult, and even though I am very little experienced, I will give an opinion.

The majority of the inhibitions/respites met about sex in girls/women come from the effort of the family to protect the girl from having childer at a young age. So they insert the element of immoral, unhealthy, and the such. To be honest, I haven't found a better alternative way that the parents should take to protect the young woman from bad things. Their intention is good.

Of cource, beeing in a difficult situation (DP/DR, debts, etc) is also bad.

I am a supporter of the idea that sex should be bound to tenderness, but I don't have the proper amount of experience to say if it is possible.

As a recommendation to your situation I say this: do as you feel. If you want to have sex, have it. If you want to have it in a specific aspect/way then have it the way you want (but don't do something that will bring you later in trouble: bondage and even worse from what I have heard of).

Sex is the most natual thing. Like breathing. It is even more natural than talking. If and when you want to do it, you MUST do it. Otherwise trouble starts.

The reason that people develop very odd appetites around it, is because nature has tried so hard not to let us have a choice (no escape for you: the contination of your speciment must continue). There are at least a few bilion ways to approach sex. You must select an approach that will not bring you in trouble (I just said that above... deja vu ). By understanding nature's intention, you have the liberty to select what is best for you.

As with ALL things, sex should not be subject to self-subjection: "I must have sex this way", especially when it's originating from social and family cheques (like it happened in me, for instance), but instead, you should place the minus (-) and plus (+) and decide what's best for you. You will see, that, after you realize that when a choice does not damage you (physically or mentally) then you will have no hesitation to appease with it. And when a choice is bad for you, you will stop wanting it.

As a general rule: do not press yourself uppon something, or you will have the excact opposite resaults.



rainboteers said:


> Maybe I will just pretend everything is okay like I do with the rest of my life. It's hard though I've already been traumatized enough in this area in past relationships.


Don't do this. I think it's bad for you.



rainboteers said:


> Guys just really lose their patience sometimes when it comes to sex


True. Not for all, but for most. Nature had made man like this. Usually it only requires for the man to see himself though your eyes and he will stop. But as you understand, as you feel pressed not to have sex, he feels pressed to have (nature calls). There is no justice in this.

I have probably gone beyond the things that I judged as proper to mention as my contribution/opinion to your case, but there are many people reading. Again: *no intention to insult*.

By the way, what does "raibotters" means? Boots for water?


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

Ben,



Ben said:


> A lot of girls have gotten used to be stared at their whole lives


Especially beatufull girls/women.

That is why I am not even thinking about looking a beatiful girl/woman. I prefer medium ones  But they don't prefer me :-| And I am sorry to say, but I can't convince myself to like an ugly one  It is early, I am young, maybe in the next years I will manage this.

Without wanting to hint something about myself, I must say that women prefer the men who flirt good, not the men who are good. While this could be explained simply by pointing that "flirt is actually a brief expression of personality and sociality", I would point you to all those people which have social-anxiety and the such (it possible that I may be one of them, but, it IS certain that some other pepople in this board are).

Wrong judgement. I have seen this happening many times to friends around. It is after the flirt (got rejected), that women start to wonder why they can't find a man the way the want them. Since the criteria is wrong, how is it possible the result to be right. Keep in mind though, that I am not experienced enought to be able to speak of a social phenomenon, especially because we live in different societies.

The world is not based on reality, but in the perception of reality.



Ben said:


> I also try hard not to stare which, actually, isn't to prevent them from being turned off but because I would feel guilty actually STARING at them.


Where is this guilt comming from?



Ben said:


> the mass dating world is geared towards the uber aggressive jerk


The unit-effect unfolds itself. People think in "micro", not in "macro".



Ben said:


> I used to play the part and got girls a sh*t-ton more than I do now. What a paradox.


Could you please tell me how to be an "aggressive jerk"?


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

Rainboteers,

Remember, the whole point of me saying to try something different or look at it in a different way wasn't to devalue sex to you, but to see it in terms of other values. Also, it's only a recommendation, and a recommendation from one person - take it with a grain of salt.



> Maybe I will just pretend everything is okay like I do with the rest of my life. It's hard though I've already been traumatized enough in this area in past relationships. Guys just really lose their patience sometimes when it comes to sex.


Pretending is interesting, as you can, often times, pretend yourself into reality - that is, you can pretend something long enough that it becomes real to you or you convince yourself of its reality. However, there are certain things that are dangerous to pretend "around with" - and I believe sex is one of them. A lot of trauma can be created and/or brought back up by people who try to pretend they're okay with sex - issues this sensitive seem to be best dealt with directly.

And...not all guys lose their patience with sex. I haven't, for example - and I have a feeling, by his responses, brainsilence wouldn't. The point that I'm getting at here is don't make too many broad statements like that, apart from being untrue, it can actually make you feel your situation is worse than it really is.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

Brainsilence,



> I must say that women prefer the men who flirt good, not the men who are good


By "are good" I suspect you mean are good people as opposed to jerks? Or do you mean "are good" in bed? I suspect the former and in that case I believe you are right.



> Where is this guilt comming from?


Upbringing and the point of view I gaind from my upbringing. I still hold the door for women and pull back their chair, at times. A lot of girls my age wonder why in the hell I do something like that, and so I'm learning to read the ones that would appreciate it and the ones that wouldn't.

The guilt comes from the side of me that still believes women don't want to be treated like a piece of meat, and some do and I don't date "that kind".



> The unit-effect unfolds itself. People think in "micro", not in "macro".


Yes, all people tend to think in micro but inflate their conclusions to macro. "I can't get a date with THIS PERSON, and so I will NEVER get ANYONE to love me".



> Could you please tell me how to be an "aggressive jerk"?


Easy, a dumbass could do it (which is why they often do). First, convince yourself that you're the only one that matters. Second, convince yourself she wants you and just doesn't know it yet. Third, make a lot of sex jokes and constantly bring her up in them. Fourth, hang with a group of guys and do this to more than one girl. Eventually you'll stir one up. Voila - you're a jerk.

You think I'm joking? Try it sometime. The point is to think of yourself first and everyone else second.


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

Ben said:


> Easy, a dumbass could do it (which is why they often do). First, convince yourself that you're the only one that matters. Second, convince yourself she wants you and just doesn't know it yet. Third, make a lot of sex jokes and constantly bring her up in them. Fourth, hang with a group of guys and do this to more than one girl. Eventually you'll stir one up. Voila - you're a jerk.
> 
> You think I'm joking? Try it sometime. The point is to think of yourself first and everyone else second.


Ben - so funny, yet so true. I must say that this part in your answer made me laugh out loud. I loved "Voila - you're a jerk.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

Well, it didn't just come from observation - it also took many minutes of strenuous practice to get it down.


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

Ben said:


> By "are good" I suspect you mean are good people as opposed to jerks? Or do you mean "are good" in bed? I suspect the former and in that case I believe you are right.


Yes the former, good as opposed to jerks 



Ben said:


> The guilt comes from the side of me that still believes women don't want to be treated like a piece of meat, and some do and I don't date "that kind".


Yes, I understand now.



Ben said:


> I still hold the door for women and pull back their chair, at times.


I try to get these good habits.



Ben said:


> Easy, a dumbass could do it (which is why they often do). First, convince yourself that you're the only one that matters. Second, convince yourself she wants you and just doesn't know it yet. Third, make a lot of sex jokes and constantly bring her up in them. Fourth, hang with a group of guys and do this to more than one girl. Eventually you'll stir one up. Voila - you're a jerk.


hehe  I think I know what you mean



Ben said:


> The point is to think of yourself first and everyone else second.


I have gone of a lot of pain in order not to think of myself first. I have still work to do on this one.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Rainboteers,

Your boyfriend (ex-fiance) knows you have DP and he's accusing you of cheating?

I am stunned that you would stay in the same ROOM with him for more than 10 seconds.

What do you need this for?

Get a real man, someone with some compassion and understanding.

To accuse you of cheating is despicable and cruel.

Send him away at once!

You deserve a much better sort of man than that.

Sojourner's steaming....


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

deleted


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

and by the way... I don't recommend trying to be an aggressive jerk to get a girl. Also pretty girls (all girls) I believe do get tired of being stared at. A nice smile and a look is great, but turning your head around and STARING is annoying. Just a female perspective.

I think that the best way to attract a girl is to actually BE NICE. You don't want to over do and seem desperate because that is a huge turnoff, but just be friendly. To nice doesn't work and it is not because girls don't like nice guys (I know that guys seem to think that), it is because when you are to nice you either seem fake or desperate. Any girl that prefers an aggressive jerk isn't worth your time. I think most girls are tired of that anyways. It is how we get so damn jaded.

I had been through so many jerks by the time my current boyfriend got to me I was the jerk (at first). Sort of a protective measure and I was jaded from previous jerks.

I will tell you what is way worse than being a jerk though. Pretending to be a sweet sincere guy. That hurts much worse. You fall for a sweet guy and then once he has you hooked he turns into the devil. To late you already fell for him and it takes you way to long to figure out that sweet guy is just not coming back (and probably never even existed in the first place). You end up thinking you did something wrong and it is just a mess to get over. Just my opinion, may not do you one bit of good...


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

rainboteers,



> and by the way... I don't recommend trying to be an aggressive jerk to get a girl


I hope you understand that I don't recommed it either.


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

Good. I think we already have far to many aggressive jerks in this world! :wink:

Bransilence02, 
I don't know what the heck rainboteers means :lol: I typed in a billion different user names and couldn't think of anything. Rainbows are special to me, I just think they are beautiful. The sweetest thing about it is whenever anyone who knows me sees a rainbow, they call me and tell me about it. I love that when someone looks at a rainbow, they think of me. Also when I was young I used to try so hard to actually get to one, I wanted to walk through one so bad. My family would amuse me by driving for miles to try and help me "catch" the rainbow. I tried just rainbow and that didn't work. Rainbotears was taken so whatever. I am sure that was much more information than you wanted. :lol:


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

raiboteers,
You explained to me how you found your pen name. That's what I asked  Mine is somewhat more obvious


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## Guest (Jun 24, 2005)

Sex has absolutely nothing to do with love.
In fact, they're diametrically opposed (just look them up in the dictionary, or Wikipedia)
I don't understand what all the fuss is about, but suffice to say, if you haven't already tried to explain your problems to your significant other, you should give it a try (by now).
If he doesn't understand, then I hope that you're not so attached that you can't let him go, because letting him go would be the only sufficient solution.
You should try and seek someone more understanding and more interested in your feelings and less interested in sex.

P.S. - I guess this leaves, what, 4 virgins in the world (including me)?


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

XEPER said:


> I guess this leaves, what, 4 virgins in the world (including me)?


I wonder who the _other_ two are?

e


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## Brainsilence02 (Jan 29, 2005)

XEPER said:


> Sex has absolutely nothing to do with love.


sex + emotions = love (alternative term: romance)


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

I think when sex is with the right person it can be an expression of love. It is the absolute closest you can get to another human being, and love makes you want to get that close. Just my opinion...


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