# RECOVERED- first and last post



## jlarmstr (Sep 22, 2014)

First, I want to say im sorry for everyone on here that is going through this because it the most messed up shit imaginable and seriously hell on earth. You will get through this though I promise.

Background:

I never really thought of myself a someone who suffered from depression or anxiety. Ive always been outgoing, athletic, good looking etc. I never had a reason to be depressed, but my 2nd year of college I suffered from ED for couple years which really devastated me (ended up being due to performance anxiety and porn). Anyways started down the slippery slope of depression. I started dating an awesome girl dated for like 1.5 years and she was a virgin so I was not worried about sex or anything with her. After we broke up I went through a really tough time for like 6 months thinking no girl would ever be happy with me. I mean i was seriously obessed with this chick. There wasnt a waking moment I was not thinking about her and im not just saying that. I was at an all time low, like literally crying every day and smoked a lot of weed after the bars with my friends one night. Also, im the guy whose smoked like twice in his life but I was just like fuck it. So long story short got super high ended up running down the street got a ride home with two random black guys, jumped out the car, you know typical like 3 hour panic attack worst high of your life. I woke up the next day and literally everything was different. Everything looked weird, felt weird. I mean this was the scariest experience of my life hands down. Typical panic attack every day, migranes, 0 focus, terrified out of my mind, thought i would lose it at any second. Am I even alive? This continued at this rate for about 3 months every waking moment.. full Recover took about 10 months. This is so weird, but the only thing that gave me momentary relief those first few months was sleep and playing call of duty haha.

How to recover:

First, get off this damn site like really. All I would do is look at these posts and freak out even more. Also talk to your closest friends about it and tell your parents. Literally no one will even begin to understand what you're going through because it is pretty unexplainable but you seriously cannot go through this alone. They dont understand, may even doubt you, but they love you and will do anything to help. If only they knew what we were going through.. After you tell people literally NEVER talk about it again.. Before I told my mom she finally just asked me what is wrong and I had to tell her. My parents sent me to a therapist and trust me they will also most likely not know the first thing about it. O you're just depressed ,anxious blah blah blah. Just get some anti anxiety/ depression meds from him ( I took lexapro 10mg). A lot of people on this site say they do nothing for DP and I would agree. However, you are depressed and obsessive regardless. after about 4 weeks they give you an unreal amount of confidence and allow you to not obsess over DP every second which is the NUMBER 1 step in recovery. I dont care how tough you are get on this shit for many reason. Dont go for the therapy because there isnt shit they can tell you, but the meds help in many other ways. Your brain is beyond exhausted and you need to stop obsessing and you get to a point where its impossible without meds.

Next, try to cut out all forms of caffeine or nicotine, porn, or really any addictions. I noticed that those would bring the feelings back big time. I like to party too much so i kept drinking, but please god stop smoking weed.. Workout like your life depends on it, because it seriously does.. No I dont mean going to the gym and lifting heavy. I mean going and doing bodyweight shit/ HIT/ spartacus etc, until you can no longer move. Every damn day. Your life seriously depends on it.. This was for sure the turning point for me when I started to recover and im telling you I had it just as bad as anyone on here (KEY). Meditation can also help a lot but it is hard as hell to do consistently. Regardless you need a HEALTHY outlet.

Wake up early every day, idk why this one helps but it really does. I do believe that this monster is somehow related to sleep cycles. Get out of bed, I know its hard as hell because youre a walking zombie, but this is really important. NO matter how hard this is you CANNOT stop your life. I wanted to drop the semester and just lay in bed more than anything, but i promise you will never recover if you treat it like this. Get out, go out, make friends, get a job, work two even , go back to church (this is big, you need God now more than ever) just constantly distract yourself. Drop your unhealthy friends and get new ones. I mean this recovery will be the HARDEST thing you will ever go through no doubt, but you can never quit. Live your fucking life to the fullest.

There is nothing anyone can do but you in this battle. No one understand, im doomed, life is so shitty now, ill be like this forever. Na fuck that I promise you can beat this. There people who have had this for years, and that sucks, but I truly believe its because they'ed been depressed/obsessive for many years prior and never learned how to not give a shit about DP and let it fade, they continue to obsess which is truly the only thing that keeps it alive. Seriously develop a real "i dont give a shit attitude. Stop caring so much if people like you. Its so arrogant but believe you are the fucking man/woman even if you arent. Believe that shit. Im not going to say you are and dont be a dick about your confidence, but know that no one or DP can take that confidence away from you. Dont fake it til you make it. Just wake up and believe that shit.

Recovery is by no means linear, you wont feel it for a couple hours, then itll be days, and itll come back.. shit i thought i was through it.. Do not get discouraged and never give DP the time of day. I promise it fades if you give it time, which means truly accepting and not fearing, living life like you never had it. DP will do everything it can to take everything and everyone from you but its just a feeling. Yes you are so numb and things look weird but they slowly return and you can feel emotions again, real emotions. Im not going to bullshit you and say this isnt the worst thing in the world, but life is too damn short for this. Quit feeling sorry for yourself like i was and do something about it, not a two day effort, but as long as it takes. PS I really do want to point out that I could not stop obsessing without help from the lexapro, it would have taken much longer.

Currently:
I graduated with a 3.65 in biology (on time) somehow by the grace of God. I am working and will be attending pharmacy school in the fall. Im in tears writing this post thinking about all of you and the hell that you and I have been through. I can honestly say there wasnt more than a day or two i didnt feel this demon for about 9 month. Also Im sorry.. but if its been more than a week its going to be a while.... but ive been doing much better these past two months in fact I cant remember the last time i had it longer than about 30 seconds... Life is honestly how it was before that night and so much better because im no longer depressed or anxious. If I can recover from this you can too, even if a full recovery takes longer than for me, it gets to this point where is barely even a factor. When you get through this nothing can take you down in life and i mean nothing because youve seen the worst. Life is great! Beat this thing and make one post, remembering how terrible it was just for the minutes that it takes to write your recovery post knowing that it will help someone struggling on this forum. I know none of you, but im praying for all of you.

PS I no longer need the meds and dont feel DP without (skipped a couple weeks recently). I just take em cause they are awesome for my confidence for whatever reason haha. O yea and PLEASE GOD NEVER SMOKE AGAIN! That shit isnt for us. Also sorry for the language, I just wanted to get my point across.


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## seafoamneon (Jul 16, 2014)

This is a great post!


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