# How does one know if one is getting better?



## Guest (Jun 21, 2010)

Well.. When i first got this shiet 5 years ago all i concentrated on was this kind of thinking : "Don`t loose yourself in this brain fog. Remember who you are,write it down." As time went on i think i actually have forgotten myself,my persona etc. I`m just here. My brain is in an other dimension. Would you please come down and live in my scull,oh dier brain? Have i slipped out of the DP without noticing it? I see that you on this forum are advicing people to stop thinking about DP... And i think that`s wrong. I don`t remember who i was. I think I`ve actually created a new persona after the DP and THAT`s because i STOPPED thinking about it. The only place i experience emotion or a sense of self is in my dreams. I have this intens nightmares of this Scenario im writing about - NO CONTROL. I can`t even explain it. Hell.. The question that`s raises such a intens existensial anxiety agony is - Have i floated so far out and lived to long with my DP-persona that i haven`t noticed that i may have lost the DP and i now see THIS as the reality? Can anybody tell me how it should feel like when the DP slippes away? `cause.. I actually (as i say) haven`t thaught about DP in a looong while. BTW,the reason why i put so much emphisis on that how could i know if it`s gone is bacasue my DP has been 100% and absoulte CONSTANT the last five years so i actually don`t remember how i was to be alive. And that`s a scary thaught,my friends.. Like in the same way - The daughter of Josef Fritzl has probobly totally forgotten her life or how a life should be.

`cause.. I see that every person here has thei`re own experience with DP. And i still haven`t found a person that could relate to the WAY i got the "Attacks". Here`s the thing... When i was i little boy i got this attacks where this black and white dots of energy just attacked my eyes to the point that i could feel my eyes vibrated and when they disappeared - BOOOM! i was in a DP-dimension.. I could hear and see people,but it was very distant. i could even walk,but i could`t understand how. And that`s how i got the attack that have lasted `til now. It`s so weird.. i can have intellectual discussions... The words just drop outta my mouth.
The DP has got me to live a very underachieved life.. No job,no school.. No stress. The only thing i do is to practice guitar litturally all day. I don`t enjoy it. I just like to work on things and become better than others.
About the no stress thing.. That should be good for DP,right? I never relax though.. And.. i don`t enjoy human contact,but when i`m out with people i just this really likeable,energetic guy.. I don`t know why.. i have no control over it... And when i come home i have to watch serial killer documentaries and listen to Norwegian occult satanic black metal :S I`m a very dark person.. It probobly sounds crazy? But it`s like i gotta watch alot of dark things to come back to earth and back to "myself". And i get pissed because i train alot,eat right and play guitar like a soldier.. And that social thing just Fuckes up my rhytm.. But again.. if someone calls on my door i forget everything and just joins them. And when i come home again it`s the same crap over again.. I have to watch serial murders and listen to satanmusic to get "myself" down... Cause i totally loose myself if im not in my own room.. I mean.. i pretty DP`d even then,but when i leave the house i become psychotic and I`m so far away that it`s unbeliaveble. And... if i`m out out with friends we probobly stay up all night and that fucks up my sleeping habit,my eating and everything! And if i don`t have a regual scheduale that`s constant i majorly loose myself so insanely. Can anyone relate to this? I basicly have to stay in my room all day,wake up the same time,go to bed the same time and eat and train at the same time to even have a hope of being 5% me. Like now... i`ve been at a computer party and i haven`t train, practiced or eaten right. And i`m really gone.. you can probobly tell... This probobly don`t make sense at all. Now when i look at it it kinda looks like a psychotic ramble. But hey... anyway... I don`t even know if this is understandable or in the right forum part.. I`ve used like 4 hours to write this so please don`t delete it anyway.. Beetween the psychotic ramble i wrote some related questions that i would love to get answered.. So.. if anyone can relate to something to this,then please reply









Good night from Norway!


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## hanniballexster (Jun 13, 2010)

2zani said:


> Well.. When i first got this shiet 5 years ago all i concentrated on was this kind of thinking : "Don`t loose yourself in this brain fog. Remember who you are,write it down." As time went on i think i actually have forgotten myself,my persona etc. I`m just here. My brain is in an other dimension. Would you please come down and live in my scull,oh dier brain? Have i slipped out of the DP without noticing it? I see that you on this forum are advicing people to stop thinking about DP... And i think that`s wrong. I don`t remember who i was. I think I`ve actually created a new persona after the DP and THAT`s because i STOPPED thinking about it. The only place i experience emotion or a sense of self is in my dreams. I have this intens nightmares of this Scenario im writing about - NO CONTROL. I can`t even explain it. Hell.. The question that`s raises such a intens existensial anxiety agony is - Have i floated so far out and lived to long with my DP-persona that i haven`t noticed that i may have lost the DP and i now see THIS as the reality? Can anybody tell me how it should feel like when the DP slippes away? `cause.. I actually (as i say) haven`t thaught about DP in a looong while. BTW,the reason why i put so much emphisis on that how could i know if it`s gone is bacasue my DP has been 100% and absoulte CONSTANT the last five years so i actually don`t remember how i was to be alive. And that`s a scary thaught,my friends.. Like in the same way - The daughter of Josef Fritzl has probobly totally forgotten her life or how a life should be.
> 
> `cause.. I see that every person here has thei`re own experience with DP. And i still haven`t found a person that could relate to the WAY i got the "Attacks". Here`s the thing... When i was i little boy i got this attacks where this black and white dots of energy just attacked my eyes to the point that i could feel my eyes vibrated and when they disappeared - BOOOM! i was in a DP-dimension.. I could hear and see people,but it was very distant. i could even walk,but i could`t understand how. And that`s how i got the attack that have lasted `til now. It`s so weird.. i can have intellectual discussions... The words just drop outta my mouth.
> The DP has got me to live a very underachieved life.. No job,no school.. No stress. The only thing i do is to practice guitar litturally all day. I don`t enjoy it. I just like to work on things and become better than others.
> ...


I think when your DP is gone, you won't be worried about it anymore- you will feel alert, calm, in control of your actions. True, you may have changed because of it, but people change all the time. Our personalities, brains, bodies are constantly growing, changing, hopefully evolving.

The fact that you talk about an existential anxiety-hell makes me think you are still caught in the DP. Even if you aren't consciously thinking about it, you still are- after all, your nightmares are a reflection of your subconscious thoughts (you don't even have to consciously think about something to still be thinking about it on some level).

I've only had derealization (not depersonalization) for a little over 2 years now, but mine is very intense and also 100% with me- it never goes away, hangs around 24-7. However, even though its always here, its not always equally INTENSE.

Maybe think about your DP the way you would physical pain. If you had a headache for five years and were in constant pain, it would bother you, but if 80% of the time the pain was severe or excruciating and the rest of the time it was moderate or mild (comparitively) you'd FEEL less pain and probably feel better.

DP and DR is so different for each person. How does yours affect you?

For me, my DR makes me feel like I am living in a constant dream. It makes objects seem far away (even when I know they aren't, its as if I am looking at them through the wrong end of a telescope) and makes me feel slightly light headed and easily confused/distracted. Sometimes I am not certain if I am awake or not as everything has a dreamlike quality to it. My hands often don't feel connected to the rest of me- I watch them type but they look alien, or like the hands of someone else, someone on a television show. My balance is off and when I close my eyes I often feel like the room is spinning (vertigo) and sometimes like the ground is sinking. I am groggy a lot.

How does your DP affect you? If you know how it affects you, you'll have a better understanding of how you'll feel when you're recovering.


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## ZachT (Sep 8, 2008)

I heard you will see more clear. I don't know yet because i have not fully recovered.

-Zach


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## hanniballexster (Jun 13, 2010)

Theone2 said:


> I heard you will see more clear. I don't know yet because i have not fully recovered.
> 
> -Zach


See more clearly (as in improved vision/eyesight?) or think more clearly? Or both? I don't really see how DP going away could improve eye-sight if your eyes are bad.


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## ZachT (Sep 8, 2008)

Like the fog will go away first then it will become clearer.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

I'll know when it stops for me, it stops as soon as I stop freaking out when I have existential thoughts and when when I'm not filled with emptiness


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## ZachT (Sep 8, 2008)

PositiveThinking! said:


> I'll know when it stops for me, it stops as soon as I stop freaking out when I have existential thoughts and when when I'm not filled with emptiness


Yeah, i hear ya. But i think it takes time for that to happen. I dont think your DP symptoms go away in one day. It takes time. I am in the process of recovery still and my DP symptoms are not yet completely gone.

-Zach


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Theone2 said:


> Yeah, i hear ya. But i think it takes time for that to happen. I dont think your DP symptoms go away in one day. It takes time. I am in the process of recovery still and my DP symptoms are not yet completely gone.
> 
> -Zach


Yeah I agree with that, but to be honest, I don't think theres much I can do at this moment to get a relief of the symptoms.. hoping it'll just go away out of nothing as the time goes on or that someone comes up with some magical drug for DP lol


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## ZachT (Sep 8, 2008)

PositiveThinking! said:


> Yeah I agree with that, but to be honest, I don't think theres much I can do at this moment to get a relief of the symptoms.. hoping it'll just go away out of nothing as the time goes on or that someone comes up with some magical drug for DP lol


Yeah lol I am also waiting for that magical cure.
Living with DP is hell.


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