# Starting medication today.



## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Started medication today. I have done the obvious exercise, supplements, yoga, meditation, AND i even did a run of chinese medication/acupuncture. I felt calmer but still didn't feel totally back to myself. So, I started zoloft today. I started at 12.5 mg and will bump it up to 25 mg in a week. So far today I feel more anxious and a bit more disconnected from my thoughts. A bit of an increase in derealization/depersonalization. I will keep the community posted by keeping a log of this medication trial. Thanks for reading!


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## Hosscat (Oct 23, 2012)

Abilify has really helped me, it took a little over a week for the groggy foggy side effect to go away.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Did you start out with abilify or did you try an anti-depresent first?


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

I started lexapro 4 days ago and my anxiety and dp become also worse, today is a better day


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

lautje keep me posted on the lexapro and how it works for you!


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## Hosscat (Oct 23, 2012)

I tried 3 different antidepressants, over the span of 8 months and they didn't help me until I started the abilify with one.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

makes sense. My psychologist who works closely with a psychiatrist has lots of patients on abilify and said it seems to work by "making the anti-depressent work better". My psych also said that since this is a dissociative disorder and usually brought on by some type of trauma its best to be in therapy in conjunction with medication EMDR, cognitive behavioral therapy, etc. because medication allows your brain to re-balance itself so one can work through the trauma better. Glad you found something that works for you!


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Yeah, my day was interesting. I took the zoloft in the morning and felt a bit "wired" from it all day. Enough energy to finally clean my room. No real anxiety. Towards the evening I started feeling more and more depersonalized. The typical thoughts of i'm never going to come out of this. Who am I etc. Looking through past journals and writing when I wasn't depersonalized and feeling so distant from that past self. Got to stay positive though! Hopefully this medicine will lesson the symptoms. I'm glad the clonazepam and celexa has worked for you


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Today is my 4th day of zoloft 12.5. I am feeling better than I did the first 3 days. But, I still feel kind of tired and spacey which is making the depersonalization worse. I feel more calm though and less anxiety. I usually am constantly bouncing my leg or fidgeting from anxiety but not so much today. I do notice that things are still feeling a bit surreal.. familiar people sometimes seems unfamiliar and surreal. I guess this is all a part of the depersonalization. I'll continue to keep positing of this medication log and trial.


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## branl (May 21, 2010)

There was test done on two depression/ anxiety people, after 3 months the person who exercised came out better off in terms of overall anxiety and depression, the guy on zoloft beniefted much faster in the beginning, until 3 months down the line, the guy who did not take meds came out better.

Just thought I would mention as you said zoloft, I think people take meds at of pure DESPERATION, I do believe to be why 99 percent of people with dp or depression do it, to get rid of the troubling feleings.


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## branl (May 21, 2010)

citalopram increases my dp, but it also calms me down..but then I had to take lamotrigine to counter the effects of citalopram which was causing dp, but yet calm me down.

no win situation.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Yeah I'm hoping that my DP is mainly from anxiety so If I calm the anxiety down with the zoloft I will slowly bounce out of the DP. I am also exercising, eating healthy, and doing cognitive behavoiral therapy and EMDR.


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

iltayloe , how did your dp started


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

lautje said:


> iltayloe , how did your dp started


It started with anxiety/ panic attacks. I have seen in briefly in moments through out the last 5 years. But, this time it has been chronic. It started after a week long panic attacks every day where I couldn't sleep and was extremely agorophobic. During and after the panic attacks I was experiencing a lot of dissociation. And, the dissociation kind of just stayed. I am in a fog. I feel disconnected from life and 'normal ' concerns. Things feel odd and the familiar feels unfamilar. I have intense existential ruminations. And, anxious bizarre intrusive thoughts. Lots of disconnect from a sense of self I once felt I knew. Also, the typical DP symptoms.. my voice doesnt feel like my own, etc.

The way I am looking at DP is that it is acquired from trauma or a build up of trauma. I had some traumatic events in my childhood and most recently I went through a really bad break up, moved to a different state, and had a really intense ending to a friendship too. I think all of this led to a state of anxiety and DP. I think dissociation is something I learned as a habit or escape route to trauma probably in my childhood. I am using medication to stop the Panic/Anxiety/ Social isolation cycle and as my therapist says once all of that calms down I will be able to do therapy and work through the trauma and emotions that lead me to the DP state in the first place. In my humble opinion it is difficult to actually do real therapeutic work when you are in a perpetual state of anxious stress and this is where the medication comes in (to break that cycle and calm your mind enough to honestly look at trauma and work through it).


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

lautje, how did your DP start? And, how is the lexapro going?


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

I think its going well. And with yours ?

I always had these attacks since young age. 
It lasted only seconds and it was like dp bit 1000 times worse. 
2.5 years ago I had to much stress and I got afraid if these attacks to much. And then it was chronic. 
I recovered. 
Got pregnant. She came two months to early and it was v very scary and stressful. 
So now it was to much for me and again got scared of the attacks and now its chronic again.

Those attacks are liked your to conscious about your own me. 
When I was a child I did get them from thinking about life.

Before my first chronic dp I also had panic attacks. I think 4 months before.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Yeah, that makes sense. That's about how my experience has been. Today is day 5 of zoloft. I don't feel any real benefit from it yet. I still feel foggy and a bit strange. I get really sleepy during the day and have to take a nap. There is definitely and increase in DP/DR but I'm hoping this will calm down when my body adjust s to the medication.


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

From who did youget the medication and what does he/she say about it.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

I got it my from my psychiatrist. I also see a therapist 2x a week who helps with the medication management among other things. They both say the first week or so will be rough and it will take about a month to take effect.


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

yes that's tue. 
Do they think its gonna help you.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

They say that it will help the anxiety/ and panic cycles which will allow me to process different traumas ive had in therapy. It's not supposed to do much in particular for the DP. I think you have to utilize many tools to get out of the DP.. therapy, medication, processing traumas, grounding, some of the stuff harris harrington talks about like journaling and dealing with disorganized attachment etc.


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

Yes I think so to. 
But I know if the anxiety is gone I can accept dp more and that's how I recovered before. 
Acceptance, distraction , breathing exercise and cgt.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

What's cgt?


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

Uhmm I think you call it in English cognitieve behaviour therapy


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Oh, yes. I'm doing that too.


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## wonderlandme (May 22, 2011)

Thank you for this post, I hope the Zoloft has been working for you. I tried Zoloft years ago but for some reason with me it made me more depersonalized or maybe I just didn't stay on it long enough out of fear. But it does tend to happen that once you start a new med your awareness increases and you tend to feel as if things are worse, when in actuality you just need to wait and see a bit longer. Good for you on taking the steps to overcome this, therapy has been really helpful for me as well, maybe even just the fact that Iam talking to someone who is helping me cope with my anxiety helps wonders.

I am currently on Clonazepam 0.50 mg, it has been the only medication I can tolerate that has helped me the most, but then again everybody is different and has different reactions. It is really a trial and error with meds. Good luck, I hope your medication and routine keep working well for you 

Nora


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## wonderlandme (May 22, 2011)

Perfect example, I have taken Clonazepam for about 4 years, and I had switched doses, once I started back up yesterday on my normal dose, I felt completely depersonalized and anxious all day. I really think just knowing that we are trying something new gives up that anxious feeling as well.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Today is day 6 on zoloft. I am still on 12.5 mg and will switch to 18.5 mg or 3/4 of the pill tomorrow. (I am just cutting the pill on a cutting board because I am so med sensitive and I'm trying to move slowly in order to not have bad side effects). I have definitely felt more depersonalized on the zoloft so far. But, I've started taking it at night so that has helped with some of the fogginess side effects. So far I do notice my emotions are more stable I'm not going into a mental frenzy over things. I still feel totally off and not myself but I'm not having any 'emotional break downs' or anxiety attacks. I still don't have alot of goal oriented behavioral like starting projects or gaining interests in things and accomplishing tasks etc. I still am doing very little socializing (except with my family). So, thats the re-cap of day 6 I will do another post at day 10. Thanks for reading!


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Going ahead and giving an update today. Today is day 8 (2nd day on 18.5 mg) And I am exhausted. I feel like I can't get out of bed or shower. All I have done all day is watch movies. I also still have anxious/depressed thoughts. Feeling like I am never going to find a med that works for me, that I'm going crazy, and am going to be stuck like this forever. I feel like the medicine is making me more depressed. Its a terrible shitty feeling. I am going to push on with is and give it at least 5 weeks though.


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## wonderlandme (May 22, 2011)

Hang in there, give it time, give yourself time. If you feel like you can't get out of bed and only watch movies, then just watch movies. It will get better. And if you find the medication does not work for you, see your dr. try something else. Medications are trial and error , it is going to take a couple of attempts till you find what works for you. Good luck


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. Much needed and appreciated.


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

Its normal you feel more depressed first!!

Medication really need a lot of time. 
You can take something to calm you down and what help me was just go do things. 
Even I only wanted to stay in bed. 
But I was on a holiday so meaby that helped.

But meaby a day rest is also good.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Day 9 on this zoloft. I feel emotionally numb yet depressed. My brain feels placid like nothing could have a great affect yet inside I feel incredibly depressed. It's as though I am depressed but mentally I cannot respond to the depression. Normally, if I am depressed I have a thousand ways my mind is trying to figure out what is this how do I get out of this etc. But, on this medication it isn't doing that. i don't like this completely numb feeling. The unresponsiveness to life and unaffected state makes the DP worse. I hope these are all side effects and will go away. I want to be happy and responsive to life. Is that too much to ask? I guess I'm just trying to figure out the nature of these drugs (ssris) do they in essence "numb" you. Is this there m.o?

I feel like in the past this is what has helped me (when I took zoloft in the past when I wasn't experiencing DP mainly depression when I first moved away from home at 18) by making me not so overly responsive to stresses, emotions, or whatever, etc. It has helped with my over-arousal and hyper-sensitivity. It has also helped me transition and not get so locked into things to the point where I cannot 'drop-it'. But, at the same time right now I feel like it is contributing to my depersonalization. One of the ways I 'feel my self' is through my responsiveness to music, etc. The fact that I can soak into some art form and 'become a part of it' with deep feeling and understanding is what makes me feel like I am a human being. Anyway, hopefully the side-effects will lesson and It will 'numb' me and calm me down just enough to get my anxiety under control and my agoraphobia in order to socialize and forget about this DP and then I can continue with CBT therapy and get off the meds in a years time. That is my hope at least.


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

Welp, went to my psychiatrist and therapist and they said zoloft should in no way be aggrivating my symptoms this much. So, getting off of zoloft and starting something new. I will keep posted.


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

Oke witch one you gonna start ?

Its a little but strange because with ask medications your symptoms first become worse. 
But they know it better so I think there right hihi.


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## lautje (Mar 4, 2011)

Oke witch one you gonna start ?

Its a little but strange because with ask medications your symptoms first become worse. 
But they know it better so I think there right hihi.


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