# This is just so freaking intollerable



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Chapter 12894839482984290 in the insane drama saga that is called my life:

I thought, maybe for a few days, that things might be looking up for me. But alas, the universe hates me and nothing can ever work out right. (I'm completely convinced that it's just my time to die and something out in the universe is just driving me to put a freaking gun in my mouth). Recently my ex has been wielding his new found "power" aka ownership of the house we bought, which I am now stuck living in, and in his abusiveness has found a way to use it as a manipulation tool. Yesterday we had a massive fight because he decided to pull the "do what I say or I'm kicking you out and making you pay child support" card once again. I stood up to him and he didn't like it so he told me to find somewhere else to live. So I spent 2 hours packing what I could take and live out of a car with and then I just sat on my bed dazed and numbed out. I had nowhere to go. I can't just take my daughter and live in a car. I wouldn't even know where to park a car to sleep in it that I wouldn't get arrested or killed. So I just went somewhere in my mind. I laid in a ball on my bed spaced out for hours. I managed to post on facebook that I needed somewhere to stay but in the usual fashion, no one offered to help. Finally, my ex apologized to me and said I could stay. I think it's just because he doesn't want to have to pay for daycare. I told him I'm only staying until I can find somewhere to live.

Today I had an interview for dhs to get welfare, food assistance and medical assistance. They denied me for all of it because, while I am divorced, I still live with my ex husband and we have joint children together, so, we make a household. Since he makes $4000 a month, "we" do not collectively qualify for assistance. (Yes, he makes $4000 a month but because he is incredibly irresponsible with money, he has all of that tied up in debt). The lady told me that if I wanted assistance to move into a shelter. I cannot take my daughter to a shelter. Her father will take her away and I swear to you that I cannot handle being taken to court for another custody and child support battle. I simply cannot do it.

Oh, did I mention that my family knows I'm about to be homeless and just doesn't give a crap? I told my sister this weekend that I was going to have to live in my car and all she said was that "well that's all fine and dandy until it gets cold outside" and that she would consider taking my daughter but isn't sure she can afford to take care of her. I asked her a few weeks back if I could live in her driveway in a small trailer and she told me no. AWESOME. I HAVE THE MOST AWESOME FREAKING FAMILY EVER.

On that note. I am SICK AND TIRED of having to explain to everyone and their mother that, no I CAN'T go stay with family and friends. Why this seems to be intangible to people, I have no idea but it's my reality. I HAVE NO FRIENDS OR FAMILY. And you know why? Because they refuse to be there for me when I need them, so I disown them. I don't care what your situation is. If your friend or relative or someone you just know is about to be homeless, you offer them a couch or at the very least, a tent in the backyard. If you cannot even do that much, you are not worth having in someone's life. Period.

So basically, I have absolutely no choice but to continue to live here under the reign of terror of my abusive ex husband. I hate it. Like I cannot stomach this idea. I cannot accept it. I cannot be divorced from him and just spend my life in this bedroom with no plan for the future, no way out. No one, and I mean no one will help me. No one. I really and truly am stuck. I know I should just be able to shut up and be happy that I have a room and a bed but when that room and bed comes chained to abuse and manipulation, the inside of a coffin looks more appealing than this jail cell with invisible bars. I truly feel like that is what this situation is.

*please understand that this is not me trying to beg for a place to stay. I just needed to rant*


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

I can't believe your family is being like this. Your about to go live in your car with a kid and is all they say its "that will work until it gets cold?" WTF?! That is not how you treat your family or friends in my book. I know we don't know each other that well, but I have a couch if you get desperate. My house is super small I have 2 crazy dogs, but hey its better than being out on the streets. I wouldn't stand for that. I wish you luck!


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Rogue Bullies said:


> I can't believe your family is being like this. Your about to go live in your car with a kid and is all they say its "that will work until it gets cold?" WTF?! That is not how you treat your family or friends in my book. I know we don't know each other that well, but I have a couch if you get desperate. My house is super small I have 2 crazy dogs, but hey its better than being out on the streets. I wouldn't stand for that. I wish you luck!


Thank you. Finally, someone being a decent human being. *HUGS*


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> Thank you. Finally, someone being a decent human being. *HUGS*


*hugs*







I figured if worse came to worse your family would help out, but I guess not. I just can't believe they act like that. So sorry for what you have to deal with. Call me if you need me!


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Im probably the last person you want advice from, but cant you tell the authorities about your douchebag husband, maybe exaggerate a bit if needed, and get his house+money? Also the children are #1 wouldnt the authorities take this into account and not separate them from you.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

That was some shitty grammar but I am tired.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Inzom said:


> Im probably the last person you want advice from, but cant you tell the authorities about your douchebag husband, maybe exaggerate a bit if needed, and get his house+money? Also the children are #1 wouldnt the authorities take this into account and not separate them from you.


As far as I know, no. He was awarded our house in the divorce, which means that he is responsible for the debt and gets to live in it. Unless he is arrested for assault or serious abuse of the kids, the police won't do anything. He was investigated a few months ago for child abuse but they dismissed it because of lack of proof. Then the neighbors called the cops on him about a month ago because he was going off on one of the kids and they could hear it from outside. The cops questioned him and my son and left. Unfortunately, kids have to have broken bones or worse to be taken away and nothing involving me would be done unless he beat me up. Even then, I'm sure he would use the "She has mental issues, she's been in the psych ward twice in the past year" excuse to prove that I'm not fit to take care of them. Even if that isn't the case, it doesn't bode well for me.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

This saddens me. Im trying to think of ways to usethesystem/lifehack this, but cant think of anything yet. There is so much energy in your posts that I am sure that you will be able to get through this. About the Facebook thing, keep in mind that it can take like 2-3 days for your post to show up on peoples pages, also FUCK Facebook. I deleted my account some days ago after using it daily. But thats offtopic.


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## Tommygunz (Sep 7, 2009)

dudette, i don't want to sound like an asshole, because i mean this with the best of intensions. but you have to get a job. it's your only option. it is the only way you can gain the independence you need/deserve. i KNOW that it seems impossible but i am proof it can be done. i worked a horrible job during the worste of my DP, in fact i didn't even know what DP was called when i first got hired there. i will admit that it sucked tremendously, but it was do-able. even while feeling like i was dreaming with super high anxiety all day, i was able to make it through each day, and ya know what, it allowed me the independence to continue moving forward with my life and ultimately allowed me to recover. so if you can't stay with anyone and you can't get aid from any government offices then the only thing it seems you can do at this point is provide for yourself. again please don't take offense to this, i say this with nothing but love for you, and empathy for your situation.


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

It makes me angry to hear it. My family and friends would offer you their house (probably even try to find you some private place as well)even without knowing you but just hearing about someone that need some help. I wish you lived in Israel.

I'm here for you, my far away friend. *Hugs*


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Its strange that he got the house, kids, money etc because it always seems like it goes in the favor of the women. I have had so many guy friends lose everything because of a bitchy, hoe ex wife that took it all. I just can't believe a good person like you didn't get anything out of the divorce.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Tommygunz said:


> dudette, i don't want to sound like an asshole, because i mean this with the best of intensions. but you have to get a job. it's your only option. it is the only way you can gain the independence you need/deserve. i KNOW that it seems impossible but i am proof it can be done. i worked a horrible job during the worste of my DP, in fact i didn't even know what DP was called when i first got hired there. i will admit that it sucked tremendously, but it was do-able. even while feeling like i was dreaming with super high anxiety all day, i was able to make it through each day, and ya know what, it allowed me the independence to continue moving forward with my life and ultimately allowed me to recover. so if you can't stay with anyone and you can't get aid from any government offices then the only thing it seems you can do at this point is provide for yourself. again please don't take offense to this, i say this with nothing but love for you, and empathy for your situation.


I get what you are saying and I have applied for jobs and gotten interviews in the past month. The problem is that they can clearly tell something is wrong with me at the interview and don't hire me. I also am in the process of trying to get SSI and if I get a job in the middle of that, it doesn't really prove that I can't work because of the dp.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

EverDream said:


> It makes me angry to hear it. My family and friends would offer you their house (probably even try to find you some private place as well)even without knowing you but just hearing about someone that need some help. I wish you lived in Israel.
> 
> I'm here for you, my far away friend. *Hugs*


Thank you


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Inzom said:


> This saddens me. Im trying to think of ways to usethesystem/lifehack this, but cant think of anything yet. There is so much energy in your posts that I am sure that you will be able to get through this. About the Facebook thing, keep in mind that it can take like 2-3 days for your post to show up on peoples pages, also FUCK Facebook. I deleted my account some days ago after using it daily. But thats offtopic.


I will either get through it or kill myself. One of the two


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Rogue Bullies said:


> Its strange that he got the house, kids, money etc because it always seems like it goes in the favor of the women. I have had so many guy friends lose everything because of a bitchy, hoe ex wife that took it all. I just can't believe a good person like you didn't get anything out of the divorce.


I didn't want the house. I can't afford to pay a $1600 a month mortgage with another $200 a month in utilities on top of it. I let him have the house. He has the job, I couldn't afford it. I also had no choice but to let him have custody. I couldn't afford a lawyer and certainly couldn't deal with fighting it, right now. When my dp goes away, I do plan to take him back to court on that issue. It's just not an issue I can tackle right now. What I got out of the divorce was not having my ex's $261,000 worth of debt strapped to me anymore. All I am responsible for it paying half of a loan that was used to pay off our joint debt at one point. He agreed to be responsible for everything else. So, in the end, I came out of it alright.


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## Xerei (Feb 17, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> I will either get through it or kill myself. One of the two


how about the third option: get through life and jobs and let the nature kill you..


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Xerei said:


> how about the third option: get through life and jobs and let the nature kill you..


Well yeah, that's what I meant by "get through it".


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## guest1234 (Mar 23, 2010)

I would agree with tommygunz about the job thing, I know this isn't the best market for it but maybe try for something super-straightforward/menial and then work up from there? When noone else will help you, all that is left is to help yourself. It really does suck majorly but in the long run, it makes you VERY strong.


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