# Intrusive Thoughts



## invisible.ink

I have these intrusive thoughts about death all the time.
I wish I could go back to my "normal self" when I didn't think about such things.
If I say something mundane to myself such as, "I should do the dishes" my mind immediately responds with, "What's the point if we all die anyway?". That is my general mental response to everything. "I really need to get these bills paid..." The response. "I should enroll myself in more classes so I can graduate college and get a good job." The response. 
It's horrible.


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## Guest

Yes we all die? but why not have some fun first? I mean washing the dishes is a barrel of laughs isn't it? =P. You have one bastard of a vicious circle girl, you need to change that? ?I need to do; so and so because I have a baby which I need to feed and protect ect ect?


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## invisible.ink

It is a vicious circle. Tasks which I did without giving a second thought a month ago suddenly seem unimportant and meaningless to me now.


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## invisible.ink

I'd just like to add that that does not include caring for my son. I still regard that of something of utmost importance. And I enjoy it as well.


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## Guest

Sounds more like depression... but that's me (who is not a doc) assuming.


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## invisible.ink

I do have depression. That's why I'm on lexapro.


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## CECIL

invisible.ink said:


> I'd just like to add that that does not include caring for my son. I still regard that of something of utmost importance. And I enjoy it as well.


Wearing your death on your shoulder, as it were, is a good way to sort out what really matters from that which doesn't. Paying bills and doing the dishes are things that need to be done in the course of your life, but now you know that in the end, it won't matter so its not worth stressing over.

The thing that does matter is your son, hence why caring for him still feels important to you. Good to hear you are enjoying it also, since before you said sometimes the DP comes in between you 

You could try evaluating your life through this new perspective and find out the other things in your life that really mean something and those things that don't.


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## invisible.ink

That's true, Cecil. It does seperate important things for unimportant things. However, it feels like an impending doom always hanging over my head. I don't want to think about it but the harder I try not to the more I do.


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## CECIL

By trying not to think about it you are feeding it energy, which will only make it grow larger. For now at least, just accept that its there and acknowledge it.


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## Guest

I can relate to you as well. Sometimes everything just feels futile. All I can do is accept it and remind myself that it's not a choice.. :roll:


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## Pollyanna 3098

Yes I also went through a stage where I thought about death a lot.
Every time I had the slightest thing wrong with me I would go to the doctors and get it checked out, it got to the point where I would only have to cough and I would think I had lung cancer, I was continually monitoring myself, it was hell, its terrible to think about death all the time, I know, but now I seem to have backed off a bit, I only get those thoughts occasionally.
By the way, all the test I had were normal, and it was put down to anxiety, I know what I am talking about is not what you are going through, but I know what it feels like to think about death all the time, its terrible.
Hopefully those thoughts will go away in time.

3098


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