# Please help! Could this be DP and/or DR?



## bgd (Jan 7, 2009)

Hello all, I've been looking at this site for a while now and have finally decided to post in hopes that someone here will relate to me. Wow, there's just so much to tell... Since a few months ago, I've been experiencing a surreal mental fog that's very hard for me to sum up and describe. I first felt it after smoking weed one night, and waking up the next morning still feeling some of the effects. I should mention that when I did smoke weed, my highs would often be seemingly different from those of my friends: after blazing, I would fall into a complete stupor and appear really slow and confused to others, yet in my mind I would be having very deep existential thoughts, racing yet controlled, in which I would sort of analyze the "big picture" about life, people and the world we live in. Anyway, that morning I felt lingering effects of that high, and that is more or less what I feel to this day. I became quite disturbed about it (still am) and was worried that I was going crazy, losing my grip on reality, and after some internet research, that it was the prodrome to schizophrenia (I'm 17) but that's probably just the cyberchondria factor in play. I got a blood test and some other basic testing from my doctor, and everything came out 100%, but I still feel like it has a profound negative effect on many aspects of my life. I feel completely lost, and my thoughts are scattered, and I can't immerse myself into life and my surroundings like I normally could. My symptoms however seem to not resemble those of depersonalization, since the feeling CANNOT be described as a detachment from my body/mind/thoughts, but rather being trapped in myself, and not being able to live and percieve life in the normal pure and flowing way I always could, and took for granted  . I've asked family and friends whether they've noticed any differences in me since this began, and they assured me that I hadn't changed noticeably at all, which leads me to believe that the change lies purely in my perception, rather than in me. In addition to this, I'm in a very unsure phase of my life, and feel like...I know it's cliche but...like I can't find myself. I don't know whether thats linked to the feeling, since it was the weed that brought it on. Perhaps my weed use and my adverse reaction to it brought out some kind of underlying anxiety, which resulted in DP/DR. Anyway, I keep a notebook in which I jot ways that I can describe this feeling. Here are some:

-ZONED/SPACED OUT, CONSTANTLY!
-constant, unchanging surreal atmosphere, this hinders me from experiencing life and my surroudings as i normally would
-*feel* less acute and sharp mentally
-"heavy eyes", lethargic constantly, feels like something that would go away after a good nights sleep
-dulled, withdrawn, detached, confused, unsure, unstable, disconnected, empty
-thought blocks, scattered/unorganized thoughts, mentally overwhelmed
-feel like i'm not present in my everyday life, can't mentally multitask
-unmotivated, procrastinating (worsened by the feeling, existed before though)
-perfectionist in some aspects, get a little nervous sometimes about relatively unimportant things(also existed before onset)
-feel dependent and incapable (perhaps just a realization of this)
-feel dulled down and stupid, feel like i lose track of time and have memory loss, although that it hasnt proved true, I just feel that way
-just feels like somethings missing!
-feel like I have less spontaneity and things to say to people, due to this constant zoned-out and surreal feeling
-scared because of the feeling, constantly analyzing myself, cant help it
-less responsive and aware of surroundings
-in a fog or haze
-can't live "fluidly", constantly a confusing feeling of dipping in and out of the present
-awkward, less in touch, cant relate to peers as well
-always feel the same, less emotion, enjoy my favourite activies less
-feel like i'm not reaching my full potential

The feeling is unrelenting and strong, and is always present...it's currently my greatest worry and it's hard for me to cope with it from day to day not knowing what it is, I think about it all the time. I DO NOT have panic attacks or anxiety (that I know of) and that's why I'm sort of skeptical of it being DP/DR. I just wish it to go away, more than anything.

wow, that's a weight of my chest! THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING, THAT MEANS A LOT TO ME! And sorry for the beast of a post!

Thanks in advance.


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## chillxout (Jan 6, 2009)

wow i can really relate to you about this i too got dp from smoking weed and after that i just felt everything i did was either very slow or stupid and everything i said was also stupid couldint concetrate at all,mostly felt that way because i felt so detached from my self and toughts.reading was really hard especialy and also talking because i felt so detached from my voice even the first month or so i did not leave house at all and all i did was google ilnesses up and try to fit me into a category.DEPERSONALIZATION AND ANXIETY DISORDER is what matched me best but when i came across an article that was talking about schizophrenia i totaly FREAKED OUT and had a panic atack because that scared me so much EVEN TOUGHT I HAVE NO SYMPTOMS OF SCHIZOPRENIA AND KNOW THAT I CANNOT HAVE IT i still worry about it because the "what if thoughts" even the word itself makes me anxieous and scared.i was tottaly freaking out about that ilness costantly checking and analyzing my self for symptoms like turning off tv and everything and sitting in quite room to check if i heard voices(never have)and checking visual to see if everything was normal(never seen anything unusual either) when i calmed my self down a month later LOL i started googling for other ilneses then i read about hppd then HAD another major panic atack when i heard visual snow or static was one of the symptoms (even tought i had visual snow almost all of my life and never worried about it until i read the article)and had a fear and anxeity about developing hppd and also always analyzing my self for symptoms and such guess what dint have hppd either.the point im trying to ilustrate is people with depersonalization usualy dwell on their current state or sickness because they do not know what is happening to them and are willing to belive almost anything they read on google to be their condition when they do not even relate to that ilness at all so my advice dude do not read so much about ilnesses or symptoms BECAUSE ITS ONLY GONNA MAKE IT MUCH WORSE THE ANXIETY AND THE PANIC WICH CONTRIBUTES TO DEPERSONALIZATION/DERELAZATION FELLING.and the thing you are felling right now can be depersonalization because everyone reacts diffrent and explains how they fell difrent from others like me i fell i been put into a dream like state because everything seems kinda of foreigh or dream-like my concetration is messed its hard for me to talk at times head hurts like a mother... and like you i fell EXTREMLEY SPACED OUT/ZONED...first weeks were the worst but after a month it got ALOT better for me altought the felling isent gone but its atleast barable i dont have to sleep all day long and watch movies on the internet lol.but this felling is very messed up at times i wished i would just die allready but thinking like that isent gonna get you anywhere...i just found new hobbies to take my mind off this i bought a weight set and started to work out every other day,eat healthy.but one thing with me is my dp gets like 10 times worse when im in public because i become very anxious that i will do something embarasing due to the spaced out felling or say something dumb so when ever im in public its UNBEARABLE so i stay at home all the time -.- it sucks very much...so dude ur not alone some of us got it worst some of us got it a little better but your defiantly not the only one felling like this so just stay strong and dont think to much about it lol.


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

If you feel dead you have DP
If you don't know what the hell I am talking about then you have DR.


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## Guamboy (Jan 8, 2009)

I am a 33 year old male. I can relate to what you are going through. I had all the symptoms you had and much more that I cannot explain in words after smoking weed for the first time about 12 years ago. I have had the same felling you had; you can call it light headedness, feelings of dreamstate, spacy feeling, detatchment from reality, inability to "be yourself" and even anxiety. I am now a single father, which makes it so much harder to live and go about my days. What you have to understand is there are those who are super sensitive to drugs ( like you and I ) and those who are not. I suggest you never ever take any kind of drugs again, especially if it is not prescribed. There is hope for you my friend.

The first five years I had it, I had no where to go. Friends and Family will not understand, most medical doctors try to refer me to a mental institution. I have tried different prescription drugs but it did not help me at all. I then heard of the dangers of drugs and what it can do to you so I was afraid to take them. I began to get worse and started to develop chronic depression. I started getting physical aches and pain and I thought I could never live in this world having this. I started thinking of suicide because no matter how hard I tried I could never be myself and function in an intimate relationship and not able to hold a relationship as they all end up sour, basically because I could not be myself. I detatched myself from my friends and family. I finally understood that the only person who can help me was myself. On the 6th year, I actually gave up looking for someone to help me. I continued working forcing myself each day. My helplessness made me physically weak and I started to feel tired all the time. I would sleep but woke up like I got ran over by a train. I did not feel connected to this world and I would spend hours a day trying to figure out if this world I live in is real and question myself over and over if "I" am really here in this world. My Depression and Anxiety got worse because all I did everyday was think about why I was feeling this way or if there will be any hope for me. I prayed everyday asking God to help me.

about two years ago, I found out how powerful your mind is and that my thoughts had alot to do with my depression and anxiety. You have to understand that if you never had anxiety before and only experience it after you took the weed, then the main cause was "weed" in the first place. I found a company founded by Linda Basset, and even though her program was created mainly for symptoms of Anxiety and Depression, i found it is now helping with the "light headedness, spacy feeling" "detatchment from reality feelings" without the use of drugs. After a year of using her program, I no long have anxiety and depression, but I still have a bit of the spacy feeling. Since I had these symptoms for 13 years now when i took the weed, I know that total healing will take longer for me, but I am so happy because now, my anxiety and depression has dramatically decresed, and I am able to raise my two year daugher by myself and I am alot happier and can function so much better now. I am not 100% cured, but I believe that I will be, as long as I apply the techniques that I have learned. No matter what mental state your in ( DP; Anxity; Depression etc ) they all deal with one thing " your mind" and You can help yourself by the following:

1. TAKE THE FEAR AWAY: Accept that what you have will not kill you and that there is hope for you; and that it is mostly in your mind. And if you are able to controll what enters your mind it will speed up your recovery and you will be able to function throught you dail life much better. If you would sit down for one hour and track you thoughts down, you will be supprized how much negative info you are feeding your brain; like "what if" feelings. What if i am going crazy, or what if my friends won't accept me, or what if i can't function. What your mind believes and concieves- it will achieve, so be carefull what you feed your brain.

2. DON'T BE ALONE: This was the hardest part for me because I found no one who had the same feeling as I did.The more you are alone, the more you will think about the problem. That's how I developed Depression and Chronic fatigue after the first symptoms. Negative thoughts suck up energy from you. and the spacy, light headedness, detached from reality feeling (whatever you want to call it) is your mind's way of protecting itself. It is like saying (I am going on a vacation) and that's the feeling that you get when your mind does that. Think of anything positive and learn some breathing techniques and meditation. ( the program from Linda Basset has it and it helped me)

3. WATCH WHAT YOU EAT AND DRINK: Now that you are feeling this way, you should stay away from sugar, caffeene, alchohol or at least minimize it. Drink more water and excersise regularly ( do not smoke weed anymore)

4. FIND A GOOD PROGRAM AND STICK TO IT: I recommend the one from Linda Basset called (Attacking Anxiety and Depression) don't be fooled by the title. it helped me alot. If you took weed and already have these symtoms, you most likely will fall into Anxiety and Depression because they work together hand in hand. If you help yourself now, at least you can prevent anxiety and depresssion from happening as I tell you from experience, Anxiety with Depression is worse than what you are feeling now. I can be happy just having the light headedness and detached reality, but the anxienty and Depression is what got me and almost took me away from living a good life.

I hope this information will help you out. Don't give up!

If you desire more information, e-mail me at [email protected]

Good Luck my friend.


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## bgd (Jan 7, 2009)

So judging from the replies, you guys DO think it's DP/DR and some sort of drug induced anxiety...right? That's what I want to clear up for starters. Thanks a lot for the replies, really helpful!


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## chillxout (Jan 6, 2009)

looks like it is the symptoms go with DP and substance induced anxiety wich is like what i got.


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