# How to climb back out of the grips of suicidal thoughts?



## Guest (Dec 13, 2012)

I have got to a low point. Every time I move my body from place to place I have a panic attack. I hold going to the toilet in until my bladder hurts in order to avoid the panic. The DP and DR are off the scale.
I have read online that I am basically at the lowest point I can be at, in existential despair. I get the message that's apparently from here, it's either make a drastic change to my life and my thinking patterns, or commit suicide. I just can't see how I can live in this pain and utter terror any longer.
I wake up, I realise I am still alive, and I panic.

If there was a way to climb out of this dark, dark place then I would appreciate your suggestions.

Thank you.


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## konstantine02 (Mar 12, 2009)

Just as I mentioned yesterday...it's a roller coaster. I had a terrible day...then I felt ok, but woke up this morning not ok. This is how recovery happens, but you've got to put your foot down and say fuck it I'm going outside to do whatever...panic attack or no panic attack.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

All you need to realize is that these things are temporary, remember the times where you were free from the suffering and remember times like those will, without doubt, return. Whether you are forced to be dragged kicking and screaming along the way or you stoically take it all, the end result is the same. Take comfort in this.


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## Guest (Dec 13, 2012)

These are great replies, thank you so much. I suppose I just need to know that even the darkest moments will pass. It's kind of amazing actually because then you think "Well what do I have to be afraid of?"

I'm definitely opening my eyes up now to the possibility of change and growth.


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## SamodrotAgressivoDrot (Nov 16, 2011)

not sure if it was a real suicide obsession, but once i had an obsession of self hanging-up: the rope in a garage suddenly for no reason became so magnetic, attractive, thoughts about it were pleasant and sweet, i don't know how to explain this. The rope did not scare me at all, I did not feel any depression, that i want to die or don't want to live, i felt only attraction to the rope. My life in that period was really hard, but i never thought of suicide. I was trying to sleep(i was in bed), tryied to distrack myself by several ways but to no avail. Finally, i gave a promise that if i really decide to make a suicide - that would be tablets and only tablets(as more humanistic way). And it worked! So first it may be possible to promise that if you decide to suicide, the way of it should differ from the one of obsession (better one that you can't do immediately, for no having all necessary things on hand).
Generally, if i ever think of suicide, i think that if i make such decision, i would go to a wildest forest in some cold area (like taiga in siberia), build there a wigwam and try to survive there - either i will die from starvation or from cold or from bears/wolfs


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## thedreamingtree (Oct 23, 2012)

L i o n H e ❥ r t said:


> I have got to a low point. Every time I move my body from place to place I have a panic attack. I hold going to the toilet in until my bladder hurts in order to avoid the panic. The DP and DR are off the scale.
> I have read online that I am basically at the lowest point I can be at, in existential despair. I get the message that's apparently from here, it's either make a drastic change to my life and my thinking patterns, or commit suicide. I just can't see how I can live in this pain and utter terror any longer.
> I wake up, I realise I am still alive, and I panic.
> 
> ...


I hope you will not resort to suicide... I know it feels like your thoughts and feelings won't pass, and are too much to deal with, but you will pull through. I have been there over and over - my moods are inconsistent, unstable, and I feel like I don't even know myself at all anymore - which scares me, and gives me suicidal thoughts as well. If you're anything like me, you probably feel like you have no control over anything, your thoughts are a random senseless stream, and you feel hopeless. I feel like this a lot, and I try to remind myself these feelings and thoughts will pass eventually - even though they do come back. When you're spinning into "existential despair", you need to remind yourself that it's not permanent, and then pull the shade - by that, I mean distract yourself to another thought or activity, and do not let your mind wander back to "existential despair". Yes, of course, you will find yourself back there, but that's when you have to put your brain in check, and keep diverting your attention elsewhere. This takes practice, lots of practice. I'm not good at it, and it will probably be a continual work in progress. Also, if you don't already, seeing a therapist can be helpful - it takes time and effort on your part, but can be extremely beneficial in the long run.

You only get one life, as far as we know. Please don't willingly and prematurely put an end to yours.

You may find this useful: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/


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## AussiePheonix (Dec 5, 2012)

I understand where you are. I am checked myself into a phyc hospital in the hope I can get to a point where I can bear DP/DR


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