# Road to recovery?



## Sean1997- (Nov 9, 2015)

Hello I've been meandering around this website for some time-without actually posting anything. I've had dpdr for around 9 months now and I believe i have made a staggering amount of progress these past 2 months. For the initial onset period of 7 months I was in a negative, vicious circle of doom, believing that this state was completely irreversible. I had an mri scan and complete medical check up including all the relevant blood tests associated with physical illnesses. I was given the all clear and formally diagnosed with dpdr. Since then I have gone through the phases of acceptance, optimism and now feeling like it is only an inevitability of reverting back to an existence of familiarity. My symptoms included a blank mind, which I still have; visual distortion, in which is hard to describe; hypervigilance, predominantly a sensation of a pulsation of somatic detachment- feeling my heart throbbing throughout my body body and especially my head and finally a feeling that I never drop off into a sleep, which is ironically a nightmare to live with. I couldnt leave the house and I had moments of suicidal ideation and came to the conclusion that I would never be able to assimilate back into any form of society or culture again.

However, over these past 2 months I have regained the ability to socialise, even with this empty mind. In this present moment of time I always want to be out of the house doing things to be preoccupied and engaged with any form of distraction I can latch on to. My emotions have improved too. I can actually feel the embrace of one's companionship and the enjoyment of being in a group, almost a sense of belonging again. Whereas before I'd only savour the time of solitude and isolation from others.

If there is anyone who has recovered or believe they are on their way to recovery, id be thankful if you could answer these questions.

Is this a sign of recovery? 
Will the symptoms disappear without recognition, or is there a certain 'ahah' moment that I have seen frequently mentioned in which they disintegrate? And finally do you feel as though this battle has been beneficial to you, like going through this has made you spiritually more enlightened for the experience? Thank you, any input will be truly grateful


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## aworthycause (Mar 22, 2010)

You're doing an excellent job with yourself, keep going. ^_^

In my experience: Some symptoms may just gradually fade away unnoticably while others you'll be able to notice and say "a-ha, that has definitely healed". Your mileage may vary.

At times I felt that recovering from DP had turned me into a 'bigger' or more mature and wiser person. Obviously I would rather have never had it in the first place.


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## Sean1997- (Nov 9, 2015)

Thankyou I really appreciate that! It just seems strange that this is perceived to be a defence mechanism, when initially you instinctively try to attack it. Oh well the mind is a strange being and rumination will not answer anything so I believe the key is almost learning to ignore it, and accepting it as a temporary way of being and it'll pass. Although it would be intriguing to assess the neurochemical biology of how this activates. There definitely needs to be more awareness and fundamentally more research into this to bring more knowledge and possible therapies that engage dp'ed people, instead of using techniques that are more beneficial to other mental disorders.


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## aworthycause (Mar 22, 2010)

Couldn't agree more. It's a neglected disorder so far.


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