# article I'm writing on DP - what do you think?



## tijean (Jun 24, 2016)

Essentially DP is the culmination of an accumulative amount of anxiety. What usually happens in most cases of DP is that the sufferer has undergone some sort of trauma whether it be war, an abusive childhood, an illness, really anything which induces states of terror and distress, and then that built-up anxiety goes unchecked and one day is released like the waters of a clogged dam. I myself spent several years battling severe depression and social anxiety, and then one day I smoked a marijuana joint and all that anxiety imploded inside myself. This is what usually happens with sufferers and it is no surprise that the majority of those whom battle this illness had it all start with a joint. At first a wave of panic and hysteria overcome you; you become disassociated with your surroundings and yourself; you think either you're dying or you're going insane. For the next few days you're in a state of shock as if you've been in a car accident. People suddenly seem flat and lifeless; colours and surfaces lose their novelty and just become sharp and disturbing; relationships lose all sense of love and happiness; you might start to witness physical symptoms as well which only accelerate your anxiety; you're vision may become impaired; you may hear a high-pitched sound in your ears when everything else is silent; you may get terrible neck ache or debilitating migraines. DP covers every psychological and physiological symptoms under the sun not least because the disorder is tailored towards every individual sufferer.

Within the first two weeks of DP I went to the doctor; they said that it was just anxiety and that I should take up exercise. Within that week I started running every day for around 25 minutes. I began to look online and research into DP. I cut most unhealthy foods out; I saw the trend of DP sufferers falling victim because of a pot-induced panic attack and vowed never to take any reality-altering drugs again. The panic attacks got more and more frequent; I started getting them at night, waking up in cold sweats, my feet shaking. The high-pitched noise in my ears meant that I had to start listening to music or podcasts when I went to sleep. My school life was severely limited; my studies didn't worsen but I found it increasingly difficult to concentrate; I could no longer do the most simplest of tasks without thinking about DP, death or anything along those lines. Talking to people, conversations helped the most; alcohol also helped despite the fact that many people who suffer DP eschew drinking. Reading and watching films also helped. However, all the time I was still battling this sense that things had been tilted just slightly, like a painting on a wall, after my first panic attack. I felt submerged and alone. I still had all my critical faculties, I knew what my reality was and was able to differentiate it between my very vivid dreams and from my anxious thinking. But, that didn't matter. I still was feeling like hell.

Most of you who have dealt with depression, anxiety, DP, etcetera, will know that it is impossible to get your loved ones to recognise let alone understand what you are experiencing day in day out. I told my mom and she could see that I was in pain but there was no way she could comprehend the magnitude of that pain nor how horrific it felt. Friends replied with consolatory forgiveness and sympathy, but did not really know what I was talking about. People not understanding such a strange disorder as DP is fine, but to misunderstand it so catastrophically is dangerous. Several doctors were disinclined to administer me anti-anxiety drugs such as Xanax or valium or to register me with counselling or CBT therapy. When I called my local mental healthcare service I spent 15 minutes trying to describe my symptoms on the phone (the operator never having heard of depersonalisation) and they directed me to a group therapy session that deals with finding ways of dealing with anxiety.

I pictured myself sitting with a group of "freaks" and nut jobs (a la the media's dramatisation of mental illness) with some underpaid bureaucrat regurgitating an airport self-help book they had skimmed over the previous night. After the phone call I cried for a good 45 minutes and it felt brilliant. For the first time in months I was feeling something, some element of myself. Then next morning my eyes were bruised because of the burst blood vessels, which I of course interpreted as a rare blood disorder, but had really been the result of my crying so much. It is safe to assume that I didn't go the group therapy session. I wanted a quick fix, but more than that I wanted an understanding, some kind of solidarity. The worse thing about DP is that is's so strange and hellish that one thinks that they're the only one dealing with it. What has helped me the most in this regard was this online community not least because it is a community but because I can relate, to a lesser or greater degree, to every single post I read on the site. I still feel alienated but it is certainly comforting to know that I am not the only one suffering with this and that others are too; and that hopefully we can all start a dialogue and a conversation that begins to make us feel more connected and assured of our own sanity and sense of self.

To conclude. I have decided to write this because I think this illness should be seen by modern medical science as real and worthy or research and treatment. Whilst I admit that it is without question an extension of other more accepted disorders such as depression, generalised anxiety, and post-traumatic stress, it is just as bad if not worse than these. I have come a long way since that first panic attack. It's been 3 months now. I have good days and then I have bad days. There's no definitive solution because there is no definitive problem. DP is the invisible illness, which is why obsessive hypochondriacs like me are especially drawn to it. My advice, if any, is to take one day at a time and to not let it consume your mind. I haven't taken any drugs since that eventful night; nor have I been prescribed any medicinal drugs from the NHS. I still drink alcohol moderately, but am well aware of the dangers of bending your reality (i.e. being drunk) when it is already at an 90-degree angle. My loved ones still don't understand what I'm going through, but I'm okay with that. I have been reading deeply into philosophy because of this illness (Walter Benjamin, Schopenhauer, Bertrand Russell, Montaigne) and have become inspired to write about the existence and nature of life and reality too. I believe (having no other choice) that I will eventually recover, but am not pushing anything; the more I push the angrier the monster becomes; conversely, I try not to cater for it; I have to catch myself thinking negatively; I have to create diversions.


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

The bad about your text is that you generalize your situation to the majority of all persons with DPD, although it's false. There is no evidence that DP is a "culmination of an accumulative amount of anxiety" and most people do not have a trauma. It's also false that the majority of people with DPD have it from Cannabis or other drugs. As far as we know it's a minority of mabye 15%, although it may be more on this forum. So please don't make DPD seem like some kind of junkie diesease.


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## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

TDX said:


> and most people do not have a trauma


I guess this depends on how you define the word "trauma".


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## KJames (Feb 29, 2016)

I'm sure your intentions are pure but this post is horrifically inaccurate.


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## apoplexy (Jan 4, 2013)

thy said:


> I guess this depends on how you define the word "trauma".


If you consider falling down when you're 5 and scraping your knee then yes, everyone has trauma


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## Zed (Jul 25, 2015)

KJames said:


> I'm sure your intentions are pure but this post is horrifically inaccurate.


In what way/s do you think it's inaccurate?


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## Zed (Jul 25, 2015)

TDX said:


> and most people do not have a trauma.


You've been pushing this same line for as long as you've been here.. and quite frankly it goes against pretty much all the articles written by the specialists who actually treat people with dissociative disorders. Where did you get this 'fact' from?


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

> Where did you get this 'fact' from?


From specialists like Simeon, Sierra and Michal who researched DPD, while your beloved dissociative disorders crowd largely ignored it.

Apart from that I don't see the point in classifying DPD as a dissociative disorder.


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## Zed (Jul 25, 2015)

TDX said:


> From specialists like Simeon, Sierra and Michal who researched DPD, while your beloved dissociative disorders crowd largely ignored it.


Tell us what these specialist researchers have actually achieved in terms of practical treatment for this disorder? Am I correct in thinking that they say they don't know much about it at all?

And why do our beloved DD crowd largely ignore what these specialist researchers have to say? Quite simply... because they (the researchers) have virtually nothing of any consequence to offer in treatment terms. lol



TDX said:


> Apart from that I don't see the point in classifying DPD as a dissociative disorder.


Well I'm sorry to inform you, but the DSM (which is the most commonly referred to reference book for mental health conditions) does see DP as one of the dissociative disorders... looks like it's you against them. Good luck.

If you bother to read the list of symptoms for ALL the dissociative disorders, you find there're many overlapping characteristics - so it's makes complete sense to classify them together imo. I don't really care about classifications anyway. Classifications have had nothing to do with my recovery.


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## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

Zed said:


> Tell us what these specialist researchers have actually achieved in terms of practical treatment for this disorder? Am I correct in thinking that they say they don't know much about it at all?


I thought the discussion was about the cause. Nice change of topic there.


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