# Severily kindling by benzos.



## Magdielito (Mar 24, 2019)

I got severely kindling by benzos,I feel brain damaged, I felt a huge voltage like a blade that reached my eyes. It was extremely painful. my mind went completely blank,all my memories gone, I can't visualize, 0 imagination. Now vision is abnormally hyper clear, light is hyper bright, ego death. Everything looks 2D and flat, feel very brain damaged, brain vibrations, my brain felt like it wasn't moving, some areas froze. feel like there is cotton wool in the middle of my brain, I can't stress because my brain becomes paralized and not able to think and remember, Like some sort of dementia.

I feel hopeples. Did I got permanently damaged?


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## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

Did this happen after a one time consumption of a benzodiazepine? Please elaborate as to how exactly this manifested. I can relate to your symptoms. But I am almost sure you don't have some kind of brain damage atleast nothing visible. Maybe chemistry wise.


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## anitas (Aug 28, 2018)

Mag ,sorry ,I feel your pain. I experience the same symptoms ,makes life very difficult for me. How long has it been for you ?


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## Magdielito (Mar 24, 2019)

6 years ago I had a pneumonia, the doctor prescribed me fluoroquinolones but I was taking benzo, That combination sent me into a massive withdrawal, I developed pots and burning pains on my spinal cord 24/7, burning pains on shoulder,fasciculation.by that time I didn't know anything about kindling, I just recently discovered this after this second event. It was 4 months ago...I try to re try clonazepam because I was feeling anxious.I tried a quarter of dose for around 3 weeks, then I started to get paradoxical, crazy fasciculations on my shoulders so I increased the those to 1/2 tablet and still felt very bad that's when I got so scare and cold turkey the med. My bp started to severely raise and I started having bad withdrawal symptoms and panic attacks, I was like how come such a small dose is making me withdrawal so bad. But around a week my body settle down. during that paradoxical I felt something that reached the top of my scalp.

So after days I started declining in the afternoon having dementia like symptoms, psychosis symptoms and paranoia. Then the episode that I mentioned on my first post happened, I noticed that every time I took my metoprolol things were getting worse, then the big explosion in my brain and all my neurotrasmites went high wire, loud buzzing noise in my ears, I felt like my soul got ejected from my body. everything was zoom in on my vision for days, 3D like vision on regular videos, massive photophobia.

Did this killed some neurons?


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## anitas (Aug 28, 2018)

I wish I had the answer but your story is similar to mine. Was prescribed those evil antibiotics and other ones that started my dp and tons of other symptoms doctor recommended benzos wich I only toke it for a couple weeks and here I am 1 year later struggling with this "dementia" symptom makes it very hard to live life. My minds eye is gone go therefore I can't visualize and my memories are gone can't think so basically my minds turned off and can't navigate it. Becarefull using these antibiotics as they contain black box my body vibrations are pretty intense it hurts. I wish I had the cure. Keep fighting.


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

Peanuts and bee stings are sometimes fatal.


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## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

I



Magdielito said:


> 6 years ago I had a pneumonia, the doctor prescribed me fluoroquinolones but I was taking benzo, That combination sent me into a massive withdrawal, I developed pots and burning pains on my spinal cord 24/7, burning pains on shoulder,fasciculation.by that time I didn't know anything about kindling, I just recently discovered this after this second event. It was 4 months ago...I try to re try clonazepam because I was feeling anxious.I tried a quarter of dose for around 3 weeks, then I started to get paradoxical, crazy fasciculations on my shoulders so I increased the those to 1/2 tablet and still felt very bad that's when I got so scare and cold turkey the med. My bp started to severely raise and I started having bad withdrawal symptoms and panic attacks, I was like how come such a small dose is making me withdrawal so bad. But around a week my body settle down. during that paradoxical I felt something that reached the top of my scalp.
> 
> So after days I started declining in the afternoon having dementia like symptoms, psychosis symptoms and paranoia. Then the episode that I mentioned on my first post happened, I noticed that every time I took my metoprolol things were getting worse, then the big explosion in my brain and all my neurotrasmites went high wire, loud buzzing noise in my ears, I felt like my soul got ejected from my body. everything was zoom in on my vision for days, 3D like vision on regular videos, massive photophobia.
> 
> Did this killed some neurons?


I can relate to many of the things you said,but for me. Migraines,and alcohol did the trick to make the dp I had for almost my entire life to something I've never experienced before. I have the same what you describe, something changed in my brain. due to the migraines and alcohol. Especially the soul ejected from your body.


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## Jackk11 (May 9, 2018)

I have similar symptoms. I am able to visualize but my ability to do it isnt as good as it used to be. My mind isn’t either blank, repeating song lyrics over and over, or predetermining things to say. I have no emotions whatsoever and my memories feel foreign. It’s Trial and error with different approaches. Crossing my fingers.


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## anitas (Aug 28, 2018)

forestx5 said:


> Peanuts and bee stings are sometimes fatal.


 I've noticed you like to play comedy with people's posts when they ask for advice or help. What's up with that ??


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## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

anitas said:


> I've noticed you like to play comedy with people's posts when they ask for advice or help. What's up with that ??


Fuck him,I am surprised he's not selling his EEG bullshit on this thread like he always does.


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## Magdielito (Mar 24, 2019)

So this mean that I’m stuck in this unreality for the rest of my life? I can’t even create new memories, no sense of time and day, no feelings. The worse of all catatonic, I can’t get nervous... now nothing makes sense in this life.


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## Jackk11 (May 9, 2018)

Magdielito said:


> So this mean that I'm stuck in this unreality for the rest of my life? I can't even create new memories, no sense of time and day, no feelings. The worse of all catatonic, I can't get nervous... now nothing makes sense in this life.


 people have beaten it, unfortunately what's works for some isn't what works for all. https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/91168-tms-transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/?fromsearch=1 Here's an example.


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## anitas (Aug 28, 2018)

I understand where you're coming from. I have no sense of self ,time ,day ,month and so on.I'm basically a "ghost" leaving no trail behind. My brain is literally numb wich is another physical symptom. Stuck forever?? I hope not. But it's a hard battle. At least for me. Keep pushing don't give up I know how hard it is.


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## Jackk11 (May 9, 2018)

Magdielito said:


> So this mean that I'm stuck in this unreality for the rest of my life? I can't even create new memories, no sense of time and day, no feelings. The worse of all catatonic, I can't get nervous... now nothing makes sense in this life.


 people have beaten it, unfortunately what's works for some isn't what works for all. https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/91168-tms-transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/?fromsearch=1 Here's an example.


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## MusicaElectronica (Sep 17, 2013)

I'm sitting in the same boat as you, this is my second benzo withdrawal and I had to CT due to paradoxical reactions. I can relate to your description very well.

How long have you been off the benzo now?


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## anitas (Aug 28, 2018)

@musicaelectronica how long ago did you stop benzos ? How's your memory ? Minds eye? 
(are you Portuguese ? The reason I ask is because of your name )


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## Magdielito (Mar 24, 2019)

MusicaElectronica said:


> I'm sitting in the same boat as you, this is my second benzo withdrawal and I had to CT due to paradoxical reactions. I can relate to your description very well.
> How long have you been off the benzo now?


4 months.


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## Magdielito (Mar 24, 2019)

anitas said:


> I understand where you're coming from. I have no sense of self ,time ,day ,month and so on.I'm basically a "ghost" leaving no trail behind. My brain is literally numb wich is another physical symptom. Stuck forever?? I hope not. But it's a hard battle. At least for me. Keep pushing don't give up I know how hard it is.


You got kindling? Did you got the electric shock?


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## anitas (Aug 28, 2018)

@Magdielito. My nightmare started with antibiotics that trigger my dp and other symptoms not knowing what it was doctor gave me ssris and 5 days after I ended up in the emergency room with symptoms out of this world burning skin and "voice seizures" every time I spoke. I regained my speech back but once in a while my brain freezes and I can't even get words out my brain just won't allow me to speak I get stuck what feels like coma doctors said to keep taking the ssris that my problem was "anxiety" offcourse I stopped. And couldn't sleep for days so doctor gave me benzos wich I only toke for a couple of weeks and everything it's been going down hill. If I tell you I had more then 200 symptoms people probably won't believe it. I'm holding on tight every day is a nightmare I feel like the exorcist girl. These medications have damaged my brain when I have never experienced anxiety or depression before this and now I live the horror on earth. I see many people toke medication for years and never came close to my symptoms. If you ask me if I had every symptom of "dp" I would probably say yes. My memory won't even last 5 minutes that's how horrible it is so is my vision and I have had so many changes in vision and the brutal electric shocks that I get and vibrations from head to toe every time I enter stage one to sleep feels like I'm having an exorcism. Woken with jolts ringing ears waking up in the middle of the night staring and not knowing for how long I've been awake for. The confusion. Dizziness can't even grasp what's around me. Can't remember what I did today since I can't picture anything in my mind my brain is pretty much dead I can't even think or wonder in my mind. Pretty much alzheimers dementia and amnesia all in one pot. Many many other symptoms I'm leaving behind. The horrible brain sensations head pain and sui****l thoughts. I mean I can write an encyclopedia on my symptoms and wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I cry every day to get my life back. It's ok if my memories don't come back but at least I would like to be a little more functional my cognitive issues are so bad that I don't even know what day it is infact I can't even feel the "flow" of the day. I'm such a big mess and to be hones I don't know how much longer I can take it. All I do is cry. What a big mess.


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## Magdielito (Mar 24, 2019)

anitas said:


> @Magdielito. My nightmare started with antibiotics that trigger my dp and other symptoms not knowing what it was doctor gave me ssris and 5 days after I ended up in the emergency room with symptoms out of this world burning skin and "voice seizures" every time I spoke. I regained my speech back but once in a while my brain freezes and I can't even get words out my brain just won't allow me to speak I get stuck what feels like coma doctors said to keep taking the ssris that my problem was "anxiety" offcourse I stopped. And couldn't sleep for days so doctor gave me benzos wich I only toke for a couple of weeks and everything it's been going down hill. If I tell you I had more then 200 symptoms people probably won't believe it. I'm holding on tight every day is a nightmare I feel like the exorcist girl. These medications have damaged my brain when I have never experienced anxiety or depression before this and now I live the horror on earth. I see many people toke medication for years and never came close to my symptoms. If you ask me if I had every symptom of "dp" I would probably say yes. My memory won't even last 5 minutes that's how horrible it is so is my vision and I have had so many changes in vision and the brutal electric shocks that I get and vibrations from head to toe every time I enter stage one to sleep feels like I'm having an exorcism. Woken with jolts ringing ears waking up in the middle of the night staring and not knowing for how long I've been awake for. The confusion. Dizziness can't even grasp what's around me. Can't remember what I did today since I can't picture anything in my mind my brain is pretty much dead I can't even think or wonder in my mind. Pretty much alzheimers dementia and amnesia all in one pot. Many many other symptoms I'm leaving behind. The horrible brain sensations head pain and sui****l thoughts. I mean I can write an encyclopedia on my symptoms and wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I cry every day to get my life back. It's ok if my memories don't come back but at least I would like to be a little more functional my cognitive issues are so bad that I don't even know what day it is infact I can't even feel the "flow" of the day. I'm such a big mess and to be hones I don't know how much longer I can take it. All I do is cry. What a big mess.


I feel this over brightness, the light of the day looks the same from morning till night. The brightness is so exaggerated and fake, is driving me crazy.


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

I dont think you are permanently damaged

in my worst time like 1 - 1,5 years ago I had a panic attack or lets say a panic state for hours because I thought I am going crazy . I went to my phyisican at the same day because I couldnt take it anymore and he gave me half an ativan (benzo....which calmed me down but worsened my DP so much that after the effect of the drug was completely gone after a few days I had the worst days of my life . I had not only extremely disturbing instrusive thoughts and anxiety ....I was even psychotic because I thought that someone from outside controls me like a robot and wants me to do something which I will not tell here (and which I didnt do of course)

and I also suddenly saw all colors too striking/flashy which was very uncomfortable . I was also freaking out because I thought I am in a dream or something . I was in a forum and didnt find a post of mine which I made 2-3 years ago or so . I was like ....."wtf ....I remember that I did that post . where is it ! omg am I going crazy ? " and I began to panic and even pmed the guy who I made the post to (it was his thread) but he said he cant remember which freaked me even more out . I really thought I am going nuts because I thought that I was "remembering" something which didnt even happen which would mean that I am living in a parallel world (well it meant this to me) ....when I finally found the post I cried







lol . I was so relieved . but guess what . after only a few minutes or so I went into the shitty mode again and was in a constant feeling of being in a fake world or something

it was very very disturbing . I actually dont know how I survived it tbh

but now I am A LOT better . I still suffer but it is not nearly as bad as before


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