# Long time sufferers insights



## Haley3 (Dec 30, 2014)

Hello, I havent been on this site for years now, I decided today that I wanted to look at some of the things I've posted on here and how I've changed in the last four years. In some ways, it is similar but I still have changed continually. I will have had both depersonalization and derealization chronically for 7 years in may of 2019. Don't worry, you probably will not have DPDR this long, I have a lot of pre dispositions carrying this disorder that has made me keep it this long. I have also always gone untreated. I got this disorder my freshmen year at 15 years old, after smoking marijuana quite a bit until one night I took it a little too far, had a panic attack went to bed and woke up with DPDR. it has not feigned or weakened not once since. At first, I figured I was just high, I still smoked weed regularly and figured I was just smoking really good weed that highs were lasting forever. I decided the weed was just not for me, It made me panicky and I didn't really like it that much so I quit and too my horror I realized that I was still high all the time anyways. I did what everyone does, "I have a brain tumor, I'm losing my mind, I'm dead and this is the afterlife" for months I dealt with those voices in my head telling me all of these untrue things. I told no one about what I was going through until months after I got DPDR. All of my timeless over the stretch of my whole life is hazy super hazy, so don't expect exact happenings and stuff especially in the first 3 years with DPDR. I do know that I didn't know what it was called or what was going on until I put my symptoms in the good ole google after about 2 years of DPDR. I don't know why it took me so long, or why I allowed it to go on so long without telling anyone important about it. In fact I didn't tell my father who raised me about it until early September of this year. Remember all of those pre dispositions I was talking about? I honestly didn't think it mattered what I was going through had a name, I was still going to school, still keeping up all of my robotic appearances etc. But eventually curiosity got the best of me, and there I was: DEPERSONALIZATION AND DEREALIZATION DISORDER. I knew pretty quickly that was what I had after reading all of the symptoms describing how I felt exactly. I wont go to into symptoms, people know when they have this disorder. It is POWERFUL, dissociation and how it makes you feel is not something that is easily missed especially when you have it and have had it 247 for years like me. Now, that is how far ill go into how I was then this post is meant for how I am now. Depersonalization and derealization destroyed my old life. I won't deny that, this disorder is awful. I have a new life now from before, where DPDR is kind of a roommate. I no longer think everything Is a movie, or that I'm losing my mind, I know I'm not I am just in a dissociative state. That stopped after about 3 years of DPDR. I read the forums, watched the videos, the books etc. About how acceptance and carrying on your life not obsessing over DPDR is monumental for curing DPDR. I did that but it didn't help my DPDR, but it definitely helped the other parts of my life. I keep chugging along the body is a machine after all, I did well in school, I've always held down full time jobs, I'm sane most of the time, usually in high spirits. I just kind of accepted that DPDR was just a thing I have, not my life. I don't even think about or obsess over it all day much, sometimes it does still get to me and I let out a tear or two from time to time. Other than that, I just accepted that It was a part of me, and that it doesn't help me to try and fight it all the time. Like I said its like DPDR is this annoying roommate inside of me, that I cant really do anything about. I've grown used to the symptoms, and just learned to function with them and continue on with my life with them. I learned to drive when everything is foggy and the car feels like it had the whole world inside of it, I learned to work and stay on tasks even if everything feels hazy and confusing, I've learned to speak and be coherent even when my brain feels so blank. I have a life outside of DPDR but with DPDR, if that makes sense. You know, even if your DPDR isn't cured yet there is still life in you left. There is still joy, there is still things that you feel, there is still food that you can taste, and still amazing things you can see. I know DPDR is incredibly disturbing and so painful to experience, but you can't feed so much into its power. Acceptance is key, not only to cure it but to live and live well with it. A large majority of you, will be cured from this. Like I said, I have a lot of other problems outside of DPDR that makes me keep it. I have always been a internal person, even in early childhood and a deep thinker. I have always constantly worried and panicked, even as a small child. I have constant obsessive thoughts about my life. All of these are SEVERE. This isn't something that can be easily helped, and I'm in the minority on this one because of its severity. Not to mention, I have never had treatment for ANY OF THIS. No medication, no therapy, NADA. Not to mention I also eat very unhealthy, get no exercise, and I just got over my alcoholism. I am finally getting to a place now, where I am seeking out any help or getting over my bad habits. But if I could give any of you any advice, please do not do what I've done. Seek help immediately! I have so much regret over the fact that I didn't get help when this first happened to me. I should have spoke to professionals that could have gotten me the help I need sooner so I didn't have so many years of suffering. Do not take the backseat in your life for it! Do not read and watch everything about it you can get your hands on the less you know the better! Stay happy this will pass! Please if anyone has any questions I will follow the forum for only a few days before I get back off of it, but I will do all I can to help anyone while I allow myself to check up on it! So Proud of all of you who suffer from this and getting through everyday! Stay Blessed!


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## zouzoux (Jul 9, 2018)

Have you or are you considering taking medications?


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## Haley3 (Dec 30, 2014)

zouzoux said:


> Have you or are you considering taking medications?


I have never taken a medication for anything! I do think about it often, and I'm not totally against it anymore but I do have a long history in my family with addiction where I have suffered with alcoholism myself so meds have always been scary for me. So maybe, its kind of in the whatever happens happens area. I know I'm going to be looking into therapy soon, and I will consult about it then.


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## MyBattle (Oct 23, 2018)

Well us say get treatment, but what kind? There is not much out there...

Yes u can try all kinds of psych meds but they are not for dp. So it's hard to find something that works.

What are your symptoms?


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## mar (May 26, 2017)

Great post! Thanks for sharing.


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## Haley3 (Dec 30, 2014)

MyBattle said:


> Well us say get treatment, but what kind? There is not much out there...
> 
> Yes u can try all kinds of psych meds but they are not for dp. So it's hard to find something that works.
> 
> What are your symptoms?


When I said get treatment I meant with helping cope with the symptoms of DPDR, not so much the curing of DPDR by a professional I recommend watching Dodie on youtube she has DPDR as well and has a few videos of treatments she is trying but talk therapy has genuinely helped her process. I've come to discover the majority of people who have been cured from DPDR did it on there own with healthier lifestyles, better coping mechanisms, and training your existential and obsessive thoughts. A lot of people have gotten this disorder with the use of drugs, but all of us have something or other that makes up keep it. I've met several people in my life who have experienced the symptoms before but chose not to think much about it or obsess over it so it passed right over them. There is a underlying certain type of anxiety, or ptsd, that attaches to us sufferers that carries the disorder along. Anxiety, and PTSD are way better researched and I do believe if that if we get help for are other problems outside of DPDR then we also can learn to cope better with DPDR and or lesson our symptoms. I have all the symptoms of DPDR, feeling of detachment from the outside world and yourself, not recognizing yourself in the mirror, foggy brain, existential thoughts that can go on forever, feeling unreal or everything is unreal, feeling of being on autopilot and not having actual control of body, basically I feel like a outside observer of my own self and reality the most but through years and years of DPDR I've learned to live with my symptoms and to not be scared of them. I know I am real, I know the world around me is real, even if I don't feel like it is and I keep chugging along.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Haley3 said:


> Hello, I havent been on this site for years now, I decided today that I wanted to look at some of the things I've posted on here and how I've changed in the last four years. In some ways, it is similar but I still have changed continually. I will have had both depersonalization and derealization chronically for 7 years in may of 2019. Don't worry, you probably will not have DPDR this long, I have a lot of pre dispositions carrying this disorder that has made me keep it this long. I have also always gone untreated. I got this disorder my freshmen year at 15 years old, after smoking marijuana quite a bit until one night I took it a little too far, had a panic attack went to bed and woke up with DPDR. it has not feigned or weakened not once since. At first, I figured I was just high, I still smoked weed regularly and figured I was just smoking really good weed that highs were lasting forever. I decided the weed was just not for me, It made me panicky and I didn't really like it that much so I quit and too my horror I realized that I was still high all the time anyways. I did what everyone does, "I have a brain tumor, I'm losing my mind, I'm dead and this is the afterlife" for months I dealt with those voices in my head telling me all of these untrue things. I told no one about what I was going through until months after I got DPDR. All of my timeless over the stretch of my whole life is hazy super hazy, so don't expect exact happenings and stuff especially in the first 3 years with DPDR. I do know that I didn't know what it was called or what was going on until I put my symptoms in the good ole google after about 2 years of DPDR. I don't know why it took me so long, or why I allowed it to go on so long without telling anyone important about it. In fact I didn't tell my father who raised me about it until early September of this year. Remember all of those pre dispositions I was talking about? I honestly didn't think it mattered what I was going through had a name, I was still going to school, still keeping up all of my robotic appearances etc. But eventually curiosity got the best of me, and there I was: DEPERSONALIZATION AND DEREALIZATION DISORDER. I knew pretty quickly that was what I had after reading all of the symptoms describing how I felt exactly. I wont go to into symptoms, people know when they have this disorder. It is POWERFUL, dissociation and how it makes you feel is not something that is easily missed especially when you have it and have had it 247 for years like me. Now, that is how far ill go into how I was then this post is meant for how I am now. Depersonalization and derealization destroyed my old life. I won't deny that, this disorder is awful. I have a new life now from before, where DPDR is kind of a roommate. I no longer think everything Is a movie, or that I'm losing my mind, I know I'm not I am just in a dissociative state. That stopped after about 3 years of DPDR. I read the forums, watched the videos, the books etc. About how acceptance and carrying on your life not obsessing over DPDR is monumental for curing DPDR. I did that but it didn't help my DPDR, but it definitely helped the other parts of my life. I keep chugging along the body is a machine after all, I did well in school, I've always held down full time jobs, I'm sane most of the time, usually in high spirits. I just kind of accepted that DPDR was just a thing I have, not my life. I don't even think about or obsess over it all day much, sometimes it does still get to me and I let out a tear or two from time to time. Other than that, I just accepted that It was a part of me, and that it doesn't help me to try and fight it all the time. Like I said its like DPDR is this annoying roommate inside of me, that I cant really do anything about. I've grown used to the symptoms, and just learned to function with them and continue on with my life with them. I learned to drive when everything is foggy and the car feels like it had the whole world inside of it, I learned to work and stay on tasks even if everything feels hazy and confusing, I've learned to speak and be coherent even when my brain feels so blank. I have a life outside of DPDR but with DPDR, if that makes sense. You know, even if your DPDR isn't cured yet there is still life in you left. There is still joy, there is still things that you feel, there is still food that you can taste, and still amazing things you can see. I know DPDR is incredibly disturbing and so painful to experience, but you can't feed so much into its power. Acceptance is key, not only to cure it but to live and live well with it. A large majority of you, will be cured from this. Like I said, I have a lot of other problems outside of DPDR that makes me keep it. I have always been a internal person, even in early childhood and a deep thinker. I have always constantly worried and panicked, even as a small child. I have constant obsessive thoughts about my life. All of these are SEVERE. This isn't something that can be easily helped, and I'm in the minority on this one because of its severity. Not to mention, I have never had treatment for ANY OF THIS. No medication, no therapy, NADA. Not to mention I also eat very unhealthy, get no exercise, and I just got over my alcoholism. I am finally getting to a place now, where I am seeking out any help or getting over my bad habits. But if I could give any of you any advice, please do not do what I've done. Seek help immediately! I have so much regret over the fact that I didn't get help when this first happened to me. I should have spoke to professionals that could have gotten me the help I need sooner so I didn't have so many years of suffering. Do not take the backseat in your life for it! Do not read and watch everything about it you can get your hands on the less you know the better! Stay happy this will pass! Please if anyone has any questions I will follow the forum for only a few days before I get back off of it, but I will do all I can to help anyone while I allow myself to check up on it! So Proud of all of you who suffer from this and getting through everyday! Stay Blessed!


This has been exactly my experience.....................


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## ReiTheySay (Aug 5, 2016)

Thank you for your post. There is indeed life with DPDR. Personally I'm no longer capable of remembering what it is like without it. It's a personal journey before anything. Therapy-wise, I haven't found anyone who knows or wants to deal with this disorder. My last therapist told me straight-out after 4 diagnosing sessions that he cannot help me, leaving me with a diagnose of DDNOS. I mean... it's DPDRD, what else to specify? But psychiatrists don't believe in it as an actual disorder, somehow.


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## Haley3 (Dec 30, 2014)

Where said:


> So chugging along in spite of it is possible? I hardly feel motivated to. But it's good to know that it's possible. Hopefully something I do to address this condition will help, including ignoring it for a time. Good luck, and consider getting therapy for the anxiety if you don't currently. Like you said, anxiety well understood compared to DP.


Yes it is possible! It takes alot of willpower but it is very possible! If anyone understands how awful Dpdr makes you feel its me I promise but eventually I could no longer go on letting it control my life and take up so much space in my life and thoughts. Acceptance is key,let it run its course and live your life anyway as if its not even there. That has actually cured dpdr in many cases ive read about but even if it doesnt it will still bring more light into your life. So many of us give it so much power and years will go by being wasted, for something we have no control over. You gotta take the power back! Hope it gets better for you!


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## Haley3 (Dec 30, 2014)

ReiTheySay said:


> Thank you for your post. There is indeed life with DPDR. Personally I'm no longer capable of remembering what it is like without it. It's a personal journey before anything. Therapy-wise, I haven't found anyone who knows or wants to deal with this disorder. My last therapist told me straight-out after 4 diagnosing sessions that he cannot help me, leaving me with a diagnose of DDNOS. I mean... it's DPDRD, what else to specify? But psychiatrists don't believe in it as an actual disorder, somehow.


From what I found DPDR can be considered more of a symptom to professionals, and almost everyone has experienced it at some point in their lives from a traumatic event or just really stressful situations but then eventually they just snap right back into reality. Currently, its been recorded that only about 2% of people have the actual disorder. It's a strange disorder in itself, with little to no research going towards it because its just so hard to explain and a lot of people can still "fake" their way through and put on a façade that they are just completely normal. There also isn't just one way to fix it, or cure it. That's like asking to cure anxiety when you stop taking the medications. It's a losing game to try to talk to a professional about it, and have them come up with a perfect conclusion for it. It's that confusing as a disorder for those that have it, and those who come in contact with someone who has it that is trying to explain it. It just so important to look into the other parts of your life besides DPDR, the other stuff that made it impossible to pass right by us like it has for probably the rest of the world. That I feel is where the answers actually are. Also things like lowering your stress level and anxiety weakens the symptoms, less or no use of alcohol lessons the symptoms, overall taking better care of yourself lowers the symptoms, being in a happier mood will also help cope with the symptoms so on and so forth. I really hope you find a professional that isn't a total slacker like I've heard they can be here soon! Sometimes you really got go through a few before you find the right one for you! Don't lose hope!


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## Chip1021 (Mar 24, 2018)

2% may not be common, but it's definitely not rare.

I think one of the main reasons our illness doesn't get much attention is 1) it isn't fatal and 2) it isn't sexy (many people who have this can function normally and other people can't tell. In other words, we don't generally cause mayhem or other social problems, and if we do, we are labeled with something else, like depression or schizophrenia).


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