# I can't deal with the strangeness of thinking. Out of energy.



## JayB (Apr 6, 2015)

Seriously. It's been almost 3 years now and I can't seem to accept this part of the disorder. People don't look like pieces of meat, it doesn't feel like i'm going to fall in the sky, i got used to my human body and movements, animals and plants seem familiar. You could say the DR doesn't freak me out anymore. The DP though...it's another story.

Every second of the day, i'm totally bewildered by my thought processes and it generates insane amounts of anxiety. I can't shake the feeling of strangeness that I have observing my own thoughts. I don't feel like they are my thoughts anymore. It's just a thing that I observe. I don't ask questions (with my inner voice) anymore such as ''where do thoughts come from'', ''what's my inner voice'', ''how can I imagine anything in my head''. I just observe and get scared, because consciousness feels very strange and unfamiliar. The same way people don't really ask questions when they find humans strange with DR. They just find them strange and anxiety rises...Waves after waves until they have a panic attack.

*It constantly feels like i'm experiencing consciousness for the first time*. Logically I've had the same thought processes all my life before dp right? I was seeing pictures in my head while reading books as a kid. I was using visualization to masturbate and plan things. I was using my inner voice to read quietly and analyze my environment. Why can't I accept this reality now without freaking out? I'm constantly wondering why people don't think about that stuff. We have pictures and words floating (sometimes tastes, sounds and sensations) inside our head and nobody stops one second to ponder it. They are convinced they ARE their thoughts and they never learned to perceive them from an exterior point of view. It feels like everybody is so freaking naive. It really feels like I can't go back anymore because I had all those realizations about the nature of thoughts. I want to be naive too...not a philosopher. A normal young adult who worries about common things. 

I feel alone in this sub-type of depersonalization and like i'm a lost case. I have a hard time relating to others' story.


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## bigpwn (Dec 14, 2017)

Dude, this is the most anxiety inducing thing for me, you described it perfectly. I don't even give a shit if everything looks weird, I just want to feel okay with my thoughts and not be fucking weirded out by even the process of thinking.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

JayB said:


> I feel alone in this sub-type of depersonalization and like i'm a lost case. I have a hard time relating to others' story.


Almost everybody says that.

In this part of my journey, i'm not even that bothered by thoughts, conciousness and all that. I'm just tired and feel "locked out" from life/experience.


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## davinizi (Mar 9, 2016)

Have you tried grounding exercises or medication such as modafinil (increases dopamine amongst other stuff)?


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## JayB (Apr 6, 2015)

I tried zoloft, worked a little then stopped working. Took 30 pounds on it. Not many grounding exercises really help. Meditation induces panic attacks.

It's like hyperawareness OCD of the mind or existential pure-O. I don't know... It won't let me switch to autopilot mode. As soon as I realize i'm not monitoring my consciousness anymore, I have a feeling of dread and I redissociate hard. This refocus my attention on the strangeness of thinking and the cycle continues...


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## AlbertCanUnderstand (Dec 27, 2017)

im starting to feel this too, if u cant accept it, even the slightest. I would recommend to do things that keep u distracted like


Do breathing exercises witch calm you efficiently but it takes time
Meditate but start with guided meditations because its a great start on how to meditate ive done it but I got anxious at times but just take a deep breath, relax and just pay attention to your breathing.
Get better sleep or get in the habit of sleeping 8-10 hours each day witch im planning on doing, and ive heard it helps alot when you want to control and cope your anxiety
Socialize yourself online and with friends.
distract yourself. try to do something that you enjoy what you love doing most(reading a book, learn some piano, etc.
try hand stretches( dont do it if you feel like it doesn't help)
make a schedule everyday to keep yourself busy and always distracted

what also kinda calms me down is always remembering everything is real and thinking something is wrong and do things I believe that are beneficial like a placebo, if you think these things help you then do it for the rest of your life, but anxiety wont vanish right away u need to make habits that are positive and practice everyday, because no one is perfect. practice makes perfect and creates a new habit. the one that's really important on my list is get good sleep cuz better sleep makes your mental health even healthier. anyone can get anxiety and it can be hard to cope with it but we need to be encouraged to control it by practice.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

The thoughts feel weird cause ur sense of self isnt there. When its back u won't think that thinking is weird


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