# Breakthrough



## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

Fellow DP Sufferers,

Yesterday I had an appointment with my therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders. I've been seeing her for a couple months now and was getting inpatient, because I hadn't had relief of my symptoms. She asked me about my brother (who passed away a few years ago). I told her it didn't seem real. Then she asked me if I was dissociating, I began to feel intense fear and "anxiety" because I caught myself dissociating. She brought me closer and closer to the edge of what felt like a panic attack and then pulled me back. She told me that over the next few weeks she will work with me on going over that edge and processing that repressed emotion. I am so releaved to have finally gotten in touch with that emotion, because on the other side of it my psychosomatic symptoms (depersonalization) will be resolved. It is going to be a scary experience, but I know deep down I will not die and that fear and pain is just my inner child and not the present moment. Fearless is right.

I know for a fact those of you who read his blog took the same approach as I did. Assuming that once you read it you will be healed. This is not the case at all guys seriously. What he means is take a step back and try to see the patterns that took place throughout your life that could have caused you to dissociate. My parents may or may not have been narrcissists, but that honestly is only important when trying to find out the answers. Blaming will not free you from DP, only realizing what took place in an honest outlook. And even that will not free you from DP. Stopping dissociation will (splitting into ego states). It sounds complex, but if you have a therapist that works with trauma and the freeze response they will know exactly what to do. You have to trust them. Fearless was fortunate enough to learn how to not dissociate and in the process he learned how to release that freeze response which is holding all that baggage in you. It can be done on your own, but if you want to save time find a trauma specialist that has a specialty in dissociative disorders, because if you were anything like me you went through his blog with a fine tip comb asking yourself why you aren't recovered yet lol.

I am trully on the road to recovery, but it is going to require true courage to ride the wave out. Fearless wasn't lying when he said that it feels like you're dying, it really does. But the key is in understanding that the feeling you have is just a feeling and isn't the present moment, but instead the past. You have to separate the two. But honestly I'll more than likely shit myself the first few tries, because all my positive affirmations will go out the toilet until I can learn to sit with it and let it flow.

Thanks all


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## Guest (May 12, 2014)

Don't forget writing a narrative helps understand your life too! Thats what Im doing!


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

Yes you are absolutely right! Writing that narrative will allow you to see your life in an honest light. Taking responsibility without taking blame. Most of us are in the victim state once the onset of DP occurs, so it's important to look at your life honestly. Your parents may be the ones to blame per se, but getting angry will not resolve shit. You'll just be angry at yourself. If I were to have grown up without resolving my trauma, I would pass down a disorganized attachment style to my children as well. Because if my child were to cry it would piss me off (because of my repressed unresolved issues) and I would try to stop it (sounds like someone you know?). But having resolved (going to resolve) my inner trauma I now understand that children need their parents to mirror their emotions, and sooth them so they have a secure attachment style so they can be healthy independent adults without a fragmented self. I now know what Fearless means when he says you will be smarter than 80 percent of people. We live in a dissociated society. WORLD


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Good on u unfortunately this does not work for chronic dp without panic attacks 
I really wish there were 2 separate sections on this site honestly,
I wish u well


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## Anonymity (Jul 8, 2013)

Shit this is what i need...

Grats on your breakthrough


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

I have chronic DP. I haven't had a panic attack since it set in roughly 2 years ago. I wanted to have a panic attack just to feel again. Your point is invalid.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

My point is not invalid! I have nothing to panic about. U only had that shit for 2 years, clearly u still had anxiety


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

I've been dissociated since I was 11 years old. I am now 24. I first noticed these symptoms when I was a young teen, and came on this forum freaking out in 2004. Guess what? I "moved on" with life and ignored these symptoms and walla... at the age of 22 DP set in chronically AGAIN. Getting on with life did not cure anything, just distracted me from it.



missjess said:


> My point is not invalid! I have nothing to panic about. U only had that shit for 2 years, clearly u still had anxiety


Only had this shit for 2 years lol. You say this like it's a cold you catch and it goes away on it's own. What you are experiencing are SYMPTOMS from the freeze response that is a default mechanism in your reptilian brain for survival. You experienced a traumatic event sometime in your life (most likely as a child) that your never resolved or finished the freeze response because you were incapable of doing so. That traumatic event is stored in your emotional brain, or the "limbic system." So whenever you had a "panic attack" either from smoking weed, stress, trauma etc, all you really did was put yourself in a position where you no longer used your higher thinking brain or neo cortex to block out that pain. Once that feeling showed it's face, you believe you are in danger so your reptilian brain initiates the fight or flight response (your panic attack), but in the end it settles for freezing because there is no resolution (depersonalization symptoms). That freeze response is the ticket to your *"I have nothing to panic about" *missjess. I also had "nothing to panic about." Trully I did not experience any panic, feelings, or emotions after the onset of depersonalization up until my therapy appointment last Friday. Why? Because I was in the freeze response. My therapist used her technique to stop me from using my thinking brain, which revealed to me that fear and pain again. I have my proof!

I was you missjess. Until I finally saw the proof. Honestly, I read every damn thing saying this doesn't apply to me, because I don't have anxiety. You are actually very right. You are not anxious at this very moment, because you are stuck in the freeze response chronically. Go find a trauma therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders. We are able to recover from this condition, but I can tell you now it won't show up on your doorstep. You have to reach out.






This polar bear is being chased and naturally rids itself of the freeze response once the threat is over. We as humans *have lost our natural ability to do that*, because of our neo-cortex. We don't complete the trauma, because our higher thinking brain (neo-cortex) blocks it. We rationalize it, we suppress it.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Look I understand exactly what u are saying...I have been to a specialized trauma therapist.,,2 in fact. I worked with both for quite a while, he got me doing hitting exersizes with a bat etc I felt no adrenaline, it was just a feeling of nothingness and complete deadness. I have not had this feeling of nothingness and deadness throughout my duration with Depersonalization disorder, this came in only the last 3 years or so. I can express myself to people quite ok. I don't feel scared, I don't feel anything it's just a lack of anything really.

When I first had dp in the first 5 years or so, I could tell when I would freeze and I still felt I had something inside me that reacted. After that whatever u have that's inside that reacts to things just vanished and I began feeling dead and just different.

None of this therapy shit works not for me anyway, I'm glad it worked for u.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

And if it is only that then why is there all this crap on here about recovering from codependency, building ur self back up and becoming a person and getting self esteem? What had that got to do with the freeze response what a load of bullshit.

I see what ur saying, and I agree that the majority of ppl who get dp can recover by this (unfortunately I have gone past this point as I have told u what I experience now) so if it's that easy and don't this through a trauma specialist then why are all those other aspects brought into light that have nothing to do with being stuck in a trauma response ?


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear about the ineffectiveness of your therapists. It honestly saddens me. Here in the U.S. there are trauma therapists who have worked with Vietnam vets when they first came into their profession, so their understanding is profound. Don't stop searching for the right one! I'd honestly call and ask three questions for each. A. How many clients have you successfully treated for dissociation and B. What is your success rate. C. Is your understanding and treatment of trauma based on the triune brain model and the freeze response. I wish you well. I was in your shoes. Life can turn around in an instant. Life is good.


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

All this codependency and self esteem issues is very relevant when needing proof as to how you were traumatized or how you experienced ongoing abuse whether physically or emotionally over time. I used to think that reading and understanding the material would relieve my symptoms and hop me back to reality. This is not the case. Take Fearless for example. He pushes education hard, but we all take that as literally reading to heal. His real recovery that resolved his symptoms was connecting with that fear. All that education is great but alone will not yield results. It is connecting with that fear. The good news is that you can connect with anyone of your traumatic events to resolve your freeze response because that is the same response you had for each one. None of the traumatic events were processed!


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Well I did manage to overcome dp a few years ago this was when I had anxiety and I did face all my lifelong fears. But now that doesn't seem to help. I do things I just feel nothing no matter what it is. It's kind of hard to explain. It's ok I think I have found a healing route that will help me. I'm currently at a spiritual hospital john of god in Brazil and have been told I can be healed here. I have started to feel more alive again and real for the very first time in years and that reactivity is slowly coming back, so perhaps when I get that again I can finally recover again or so I hope 

I'm rlly happy for u by the way...u deserve to come out of this shit after so god dam long


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

Think of a big chain and each link a trauma. If you can connect to one trauma and release the blockage, the entire chain dissolves and your DP resolves. Funny story my therapist actually tricked me, which caused me to not dissociate. Its actually really cool.


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

Both the spiritual and trauma route work! Check out Ben Ralston on youtube!


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)




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