# Hello..I'm new here



## worriedmom43 (Oct 12, 2011)

Hello,
First and foremost..I want to say I'm so sorry to all of you who suffer from this and I pray you will all find recovery.

My daughter is 20 yrs old. I think (I know) she is suffering from dp and possibly dr. I recently came to terms, from doing research online, that this "weird feeling" she is having is dp/dr.
I am feeling extremely guilty and helpless. (and fearful for her)
She has been diagnosed with anxiety since she was in about 8th grade and has been on Xanax, Paxil and now only ativan. I have panic disorder as well. Now I realize that when I would explain my attacks and she would say that she didnt really have the type I was explaining..that she was experiencing these weird feelings more than the typical symptoms of a panic attack.
When she was five she came to me and said she felt like she was "in a twister" (a tornado)..I immediately took her to her dr and because she had an ear infection he said it was most likely vertigo. (I realize now that sadly, this was more than likely a possible first experience with DP.
Her life has not been easy and was full of adult arguing when she was younger. I'm sure this contributed to this horrible outcome.
She has been seeing a psychiatrist for years for the anxiety and recently a therapist to "talk" to...the "weird feeling was brought up and she was told that it is a symptom of anxiety...but that was it..I had to take her out of school when she was in 8th grade and home school her...I think this adversely affected her and gave her more social problems.

In the past she has said to me at times things didnt seem real...that she felt dizzy and like she was dreaming. I assumed this was her experience with a panic attack....Recently she told me she felt her arms weren't hers... this led to me researching and finally today, while sitting on our porch with her and her telling me that the tree didn't appear real and that pretty much for years she has felt like her life doesn't feel real...did I slowly begin to try to tell her that I think she may be experiencing something that others are experiencing...I wrestled with whether I should be the one to give her this explanation..or for her to hear it from one of the dr's who haven't said anything thus far...but today I felt she deserved to know that there are people that she could talk to...mind you..I'm scared of her coming here and reading some of the stories and feeling worse. Honestly...one of the worse parts was saying the word DE-PERSON-ALIZATION to her. I could barely get the nerve to say it because I feel it's so scary...so I said it quickly...after asking her if she thought it would make her feel better to know there was a word to what she was feeling...I fear that I may have made this worse if she begins obsessing on this, I'm scared she will not recover, I wonder what I could have done differently..I worry about the moments she faces scared and confused and that I can't help her...and I pray that God..or anyone or anything in this world will help my one and only precious child.
Thanks for listening..


----------



## opie37060 (Jan 9, 2010)

worriedmom43 said:


> Hello,
> First and foremost..I want to say I'm so sorry to all of you who suffer from this and I pray you will all find recovery.
> 
> My daughter is 20 yrs old. I think (I know) she is suffering from dp and possibly dr. I recently came to terms, from doing research online, that this "weird feeling" she is having is dp/dr.
> ...


I'm sorry to hear what your going through. My mother is also trying everything she can. She has even read the book "stranger in the mirror" to try and understand what im going through. She has also taking me to countless doctors to try to help me. Just knowing that she is trying so hard to help makes me feel a little better and maybe your daughter will feel that way too.


----------



## Guest (Oct 12, 2011)

Hi worriedmom,

I'm sorry too, this is happening to your daughter. The recovery rate for the dissociative disorders is very high BTW. It must be hard for you to to watch what your daughter is going through.

It's a very good idea to make sure her therapist is experienced in dealing with the dissociative disorders. It's worthwhile ringing around, asking, researching etc.

Grounding techniques are very helpful as well, to help bring us back to the 'here and now'. Again, it's worthwhile to look up some info on this. There are many, many simple grounding techniques, a very useful tool for people who dissociate.

There's also some good info around on SO's (significant others). It might be a good idea to check some out too. You sound like a very loving and caring mother and you'll be a strong support for your daughter.

All the best,

Philos


----------



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Hi!

I'm both a mom and used to have a mom, so I wanted to share some of my experiences.

First of all, the feelings she had as a child, probably was the ear infection, and on that note, you should just put her and yours past to the rest. Deal with here and now, when it comes to anxiety/dp you just have to start today.

Secondly, I got DP at 16, very severe, and thank God I didn't get any help and managed to find my way out by myself. Medication _causes_ DP, especially SSRI's, so that's the last thing you want to do! Seriously. Dp is better cured without artificially changing brain chemistry, you can change that chemistry with talk therapy and good experiences.

One thing I need you to know is that when people have Dp (and Dp/Dr is sort of the same, no need to separate them) they get very VERY sensitive to stress, even when they feel and look dead and can't express it. So if you run around her with good advice, feeling anxious, that's not good.
Tv, noise, light, dogs, even patterns can add stress in this state, so give her some time and space.

I can only speak for myself, but this is what made it worse for me way back then, and still is (I was recovered 12 yrs btw):

My mom being worried about me. That made me so scared! I thought it meant I was seriously ill and about to go crazy.
Talking about symptoms and mental disorders. No need for that.
Lack of sleep
Caffeine!
Being in crowed places
Bright light
Tv news, or any negative information.

What helped:
Being able to sleep when I wanted to (when you have depression/anxiety you have too much REM sleep, so you need more hours to produce hormones etc)
After a while, having good daily routines, getting up early/having a shower/going out for a short walk/ was vital!
Having someone outside of psychiatry to talk to on a human level. It's about human emotions, not biology so much.
MINERALS! Magnesium and folic acid! (That's the biology part)
Not talking about symptoms and faking it (doing normal stuff even when you feel like sh**t)
Reflexology/some sort of physical therapy to reconnect you to your body
Reading out loud for my children, to connect to the outside and focus outwards. Simple and effective. 
Benzodiazepines in small amounts, regular times to stop emotional roller-coaster. Not "when needed", but same time every day. (SMALL AMOUNT)
Peace and quiet
Accepting how bad I feel and being allowed to express emotion. Anger, grief, bottled up emotion creates Dp.

I need to tell you she's capable of getting through this herself, and all you can really do is showing lots of love and compassion.
Focus on giving her what every human needs, and stop focusing on the symptoms.
I know you feel guilty, maybe it would be good for you to go talk to someone yourself? I think we moms feel guilty all the time no matter how our kids turn out, there's always something







If you have anxiety yourself, there's a good site http://www.panicfree.co.nz that really teaches you a lot about anxiety.

Good luck to both of you


----------



## Depersonal Eyes (Oct 10, 2011)

I'm sorry







my parents try to help too, but there's really nothing they could have done. I can relate to your daughter... My name's Carolyn, I'm 21, have had DP for four years. I just began documenting my life and slow "coming out" to my loved ones about DP on this blog CLICK I'm honest about my thoughts and experiences, and am documenting DP through poetry, pictures, letters, daily entries, and quotes. Feel free to visit and show it to your daughter if she feels like she needs a "face" and "story" to relate to with this illness. I know in the early stages I just wanted answers and someone like me with DP to help.
BTW Welcome!


----------



## worriedmom43 (Oct 12, 2011)

opie37060 said:


> I'm sorry to hear what your going through. My mother is also trying everything she can. She has even read the book "stranger in the mirror" to try and understand what im going through. She has also taking me to countless doctors to try to help me. Just knowing that she is trying so hard to help makes me feel a little better and maybe your daughter will feel that way too.


Thank you opie37060..I plan to buy that book as well as the other/s I've read about. I'm glad your mother is there for you. I feel for you both. I hope that my daughter does have comfort in knowing that I'm here for her as well.


----------



## worriedmom43 (Oct 12, 2011)

Philos said:


> Hi worriedmom,
> 
> I'm sorry too, this is happening to your daughter. The recovery rate for the dissociative disorders is very high BTW. It must be hard for you to to watch what your daughter is going through.
> 
> ...


Thank you Philos..it was such a comfort to read what you wrote about the recovery rate. I will definitely check out the info for significant others and the grounding techniques. Thanks so much!
All the best to you as well.


----------



## worriedmom43 (Oct 12, 2011)

York said:


> Hi!
> 
> I'm both a mom and used to have a mom, so I wanted to share some of my experiences.
> 
> ...


Thank you York...you are so right about the part you said about me being too "mothering" and "advising"...I have noticed that she gets very irritated when I try to "make it all better". I realize now from what you have said that I'm adding more stress. It's so hard to sit back and just let her be...while I feel the need to remind her I'm here and to open her door and "check in" on her. I'll have to do better ate giving her space and just waiting for her to come to me when she wants or needs my support. 
I'll have to stop asking her how she's feeling..I try to be off the cuff and just say things like "Hey babe..what's up" and see her response..when really I'm hoping with desperation that she's having a good day.
This is something I really need to stop doing...and will. Thank you 
Right now she is taking the lowest dose of Lorazepam (ativan) 1 1/2 pills a day...do you think she shouldn't be on that?
Recently she said she feels so depressed and secretly I have been wondering if antidepressants are a good idea...what about St John's wort..??
I'm so proud of her because she has been dealing with this for so long. 
Thank you for your reply and I wish you the best.
I will try to implement all of the advice/techniques you gave above.


----------



## worriedmom43 (Oct 12, 2011)

Depersonal Eyes said:


> I'm sorry
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you Carolyn,
I went to your blog and I have to say that what you are doing is inspirational and probably very healing to you, to be able to finally open up and tell your family and friends must be scary and difficult, but what a difference it will make for you, and them. Good luck. 
When my daughter is ready I will suggest your blog for her to read. 
I really like the fact that you are documenting your dp..and I loved your poetry. I thinks it's a brave and selfless approach to dealing with what you've been through.

Wishing you (and your parents) the best.


----------



## Chris P Bacon (May 31, 2011)

First of all, hello! Second of all I am so sorry to hear about the challenge you and your daughter are currentlt faceing.

I would also like to congratulate you on being there for her when she most needs you, I am almost the same age as your daughter (I'm 19) and although my parents are aware I have struggled with anxiety (and do still struggle with it) I have never felt comfortable enough to tell them about what I am going through, they live in blissful ignorance and think that everything is normal with me. What makes this disorder so hard for other people to understand us that sufferers don't seem to have changed from the outside!

Let me just say though, that I think there is a very, very good chance she will not be like this for the rest of her life. Huge amounts of people have had this and got over it, it may take a long time but I think she probably will get there.

Whilst the doctor who said that this "weird feeling" was a product of anxiety was correct in some respects, there is a whole lot more to it than that. But if your daughter was to recover from her anxiety disorder then I'm pretty sure the dp/dr would subside with it.

Take care, Rhys.


----------



## worriedmom43 (Oct 12, 2011)

Chris P Bacon said:


> First of all, hello! Second of all I am so sorry to hear about the challenge you and your daughter are currentlt faceing.
> 
> I would also like to congratulate you on being there for her when she most needs you, I am almost the same age as your daughter (I'm 19) and although my parents are aware I have struggled with anxiety (and do still struggle with it) I have never felt comfortable enough to tell them about what I am going through, they live in blissful ignorance and think that everything is normal with me. What makes this disorder so hard for other people to understand us that sufferers don't seem to have changed from the outside!
> 
> ...


Thank you so much. I'm sorry you are going through this and especially sorry that you haven't been able to confide in your parents.

I am finding a great comfort from the young people who are responding to me and appreciate it so much. 
I am wrestling with the dilemma of introducing my daughter to the site however, as I have read that if you don't think about it..it subsides or doesn't get worse. I also feel I'm keeping something that could help her, from her. 
I have been playing this by ear for example..if she wakes up and is in a seemingly ok mood..I don't want to ruin it by bringing it up and suggesting she check it this out..so I go with the flow.
I know she has adjusted to this in her own way for years..but at times, I imagine, is desperate for answers. 
What to do...what to do..?
Thanks again, and you will be in my prayers


----------



## opie37060 (Jan 9, 2010)

worriedmom43 said:


> Thank you opie37060..I plan to buy that book as well as the other/s I've read about. I'm glad your mother is there for you. I feel for you both. I hope that my daughter does have comfort in knowing that I'm here for her as well.


Thank you. The book is called stranger to myself not stranger in the mirror.


----------



## Depersonal Eyes (Oct 10, 2011)

Thanks! It is very healing. Each person has been very positive so far which really helps. It was very hard for me to accept DP. Before I knew what was wrong with me, I suffered through each and every day pretending I was okay. Oddly, people still considered me as the same normal, friendly person. Now I'm trying to be open and honest about my struggles. Talking to DP people helps a lot.
Luckily, you know what the problem is, sometimes diagnosis takes a long time. I wish your daughter and you the best of luck, and know that there is always support when she is ready!
BTW I also thought "Stranger to Myself" by Jeffrey Abugel was superb.


----------



## cf10 (Sep 29, 2011)

Hi everyone...I am new to this site, but was touched and moved by the mother's story about her daughter experiencing DP. I too am suffering from it, and went as far as to call 911 in front of my young children the other day for help. It has been a devastating thing to deal with...the not feeling "real"...the not feeling like my limbs are my own...the sky and clouds looking completely foreign...it's utterly terrifying. I'm starting to believe that this affliction is our bodies coping mechanism to an overload of stress and anxiety. I recently became medicated to help me pull out of this hell on earth. I remember it happening when i was around 13 yrs old...it comes and goes...but this time it's back with a vengeance...To the mom whose daughter is dealing w DP...don't try to understand it...you NEVER will...and that's ok







Just be her support system and love her through this diagnosis...you sound like a wonderful parent who will help your child rise above it all...best of luck and God Bless...


----------



## worriedmom43 (Oct 12, 2011)

cf10 said:


> Hi everyone...I am new to this site, but was touched and moved by the mother's story about her daughter experiencing DP. I too am suffering from it, and went as far as to call 911 in front of my young children the other day for help. It has been a devastating thing to deal with...the not feeling "real"...the not feeling like my limbs are my own...the sky and clouds looking completely foreign...it's utterly terrifying. I'm starting to believe that this affliction is our bodies coping mechanism to an overload of stress and anxiety. I recently became medicated to help me pull out of this hell on earth. I remember it happening when i was around 13 yrs old...it comes and goes...but this time it's back with a vengeance...To the mom whose daughter is dealing w DP...don't try to understand it...you NEVER will...and that's ok
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh thank you so much cf10..I am so sorry you are going through this. I will pray for you. If you haven't gotten an MRI, you should. I just spoke to someone who has encouraged me to make sure we rule EVERYTHING else out just in case. Hugs...


----------



## cf10 (Sep 29, 2011)

worriedmom43 said:


> Oh thank you so much cf10..I am so sorry you are going through this. I will pray for you. If you haven't gotten an MRI, you should. I just spoke to someone who has encouraged me to make sure we rule EVERYTHING else out just in case. Hugs...


I had an MRI, a nuclear stress test, an echocardiogram and countless other medical procedures. Fortunately, all were PERFECT. I am a spin instructor and marathon runner so I know how healthy I am...on the inside that is...now I have to get my BRAIN healthy as well...stress can manifest itself in so many ways, but your daughter and I seem to have very similar reactions to stresss an anxiety...That being said, you should definitely still rule out everything else...PLEASE TELL HER SHE IS NOT ALONE...HEAR TO LISTEN IF U NEED ME...xo


----------

