# Scary thoughts



## Tommyboy (Jul 20, 2011)

God I had some scary thoughts last night and it freaked me out big time. I started feeling panicky and light headed then these thoughts started coming in that I was in hell or in a dream or in an alternate reality or dead and i'm scared I'm going to start believing these are true or that some part of me does believe these are true. I have OCD really bad too which just makes things worse. I just can't see how to get out of this living hell. I was reading about solipsism a while ago and then started worrying about that too, like maybe I'm just a single trapped mind and everything is fake or a delusion (its arrogant I know!) but this thought scares the hell out of me. How are we supposed to stop these?


----------



## lil P nut (May 7, 2011)

just think about them till the know longer scare u, the thoughts wont hurt u, just accept them and dont give them power. thoughts can't hurt u


----------



## Tommyboy (Jul 20, 2011)

Thats what my therapist says. He got me to listen to loop tape of my obsessive thoughts as part of exposure response therapy but the 2nd time I couldn't hack it after about 30 min and started panicking and getting upset. I just feel so weak and vulnerable to be able to stand up to the thoughts. I keep saying its the OCD part of my brain trying to figure it out and I have used that technique before with success but it doesn't seem to be working this time. In the past when I had the pure OCD thoughts and mind rituals I didn't have any depersonalization or derealization I think it was easy as they didn't seem so real. I can't see a way out of it but I don't want to give up. I keep saying "if it keeps staying like this just lay on the couch all day and drink and take valium but I know it won't help in the long run. I don't want to loose all the good things in my life even if sometimes I doubt if they're real. I just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Felicity (Feb 7, 2011)

Imagine a place where you are totally safe. It could be you sitting on a sofa by the sea shore and watching the sun go down, the sky gradually changing from pink to blue. feel your body sinking deep into the contours of the sofa, your every muscle relaxing. Imagine soft piano music playing in the near distance. You're totally safe here, and nothing can disturb you, nothing can shift your eternal peace. This is your mental sanctuary.

Go here whenever you need to find peace, or to escape from your paranoid thoughts. It's better than escaping into destructive behaviors, and over time it'll give you real self control.


----------



## jojo72 (Jul 12, 2011)

I'm so sorry you had a bad night









First of all, I promise you that you aren't dead. You aren't in hell (althought it can feel like it). You are the same person you have always been, and your mind is playing tricks on you at the moment.

Do you have any relaxation techniques that you know? I know that when you are in the middle of the obession it's bloody hard to stop your mind racing, but if you just start breathing deeply from your diaphragm, and concentrate on the sound of your breath going in and out, feel your stomach rising and falling, it can slow things down a little.

It can also be useful to hold onto something, a pebble, a coin, something that has some meaning to you. Something small and simple, with dimensions and surface and weight.

You probably know this already though!

DP is the worst thing in the world, cos everything is eroded by the unreality, but you will escape from this I promise. Are you keeping a record of how you feel? I have been, and it's good to look back on the days when the cursed thing lifts a little.

I really recommend you getting that book I mentioned. It has really good practical exercises, and makes the whole thing not seem to overwhelming.

I know how you feel. I am still in the middle of the DR/DP and it feels like shit. I just want it to stop, but for that to happen I'd have to stop. And I don't want to die. Even though it feels like I'm in twilight zone.

Hope you sleep better tonight xxxxx


----------



## Tommyboy (Jul 20, 2011)

Hi again Jojo
Had another rough day, time is just going so slowly and I feel constantly trapped in my head and panicky. This is so unbearable, it hurts so much. I only had a couple of seconds relief where I had a positive thought or feeling earlier today then it was back to this living hell. I've just been counting the hours down until I can take another Lorazepam and Quetiepene and get some relief like I did for a bit last night but I don't want to keep relying on the meds and get addicted. I don't even know what i'm thinkning or feeling sometimes, I just feel yuck and a have a horrible feeling constantly.

I've been writing a journal of how i'm feeling and there have been a few good moments in the last week. When I played basketball on Tuesday I actually felt "in the moment" and wasn't thinking so much about everything but the last 2 days I feel i've gone backwards and fear I won't come out of it.

I'll try and get hold of that book, I searched on the online library site but couldn't find it. Did you have to buy a copy?

Hope things are going well with you Jojo. X


----------



## jojo72 (Jul 12, 2011)

Hi tommy
I understand completely. I am out of my crisis situation, my anxiety is way better, but I feel completely trapped in a weird unreal world.
My head is so foggy, and I feel so disconnected. I think this could be to do with my life changing completely in the last month or so. I got the job, but will be working from home. That's good and bad, good cos its a great job, bad cos I have no structure and no reason to leave the house.
do you have derealisation? I have both, and its shit. I keep trying to make sense of the physical world, but I just cant. Everything just seems so odd and wrong.
I bought the book on bookdepository.co.uk. free postage and I think I cost about 20 all up.
take care tommy, hope you're weekend's not too bad.


----------



## Tommyboy (Jul 20, 2011)

Glad your anxiety is better, the weird and unreal feeling is horrible though I know! Glad you got the job








I'm don't think I really have derealization but i'm not sure. All I know is at the moment I feel like I did when I first smoke pot except it's been this bad for the last 2 days rather than just the 3 hour bad buzz. I'm so panicky and anxious, sometimes I don't even know what about! Times going so slow and last night the lorazepam didn't really calm me down so I don't know what else to do.


----------



## TheKing32 (Jul 5, 2011)

Hey Tommy and JOjo!!! I am very frustrated today.. I can honestly say I had 2 good weeks last week.. I thought i ffinally beat it... Then boom i got hit with same thing that started DP in May.. Im really upset!!! What the hell? Mine is anxiety based im 35 never did a drug or alcohol!! Just high stress!!


----------



## jojo72 (Jul 12, 2011)

Hey there, so sorry to hear that king. This thing doesn't seem to have any rhyme or reason to it. Just hang on in there, and know it can't hurt you (easier said than done).
Tommy I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what to say other than I have been there and it will pass. I find sitting in the sun helps. Deep breaths my friend, and just ride it out. It will pass x


----------

