# Help me. Anyone. Please.



## Depersonalized Teen (Jan 29, 2014)

Hi everyone. I would REEEALLY appreciate if you read all of this so I can be helped,

I really would like to leave myself anonymous because it is embarrassing for people to know who this is. But let me say, I am a 15 year old scared, anxiety freak. This is my story.

Let me just start this from the beginning. Back in the summer of last year, after being exposed to marijuana, I had a panic attack on it. Full panic attack. I hated it. Fast heartbeat, crying, everything was pixely.. almost like a video game, slow, not fun, and I was jittery. This was not the ideal "high" everyone was talking about.. I was so confused.

Almost immediately when I woke up after that night was when the transition started (I sound like a vampire lol). I was actually in hawaii at the time, so when I woke up I just... idk, I didn't feel like I was in hawaii. I wasn't happy and I something felt completely wrong. I automatically thought it was a lack of food, sleep, water, or excercise. I brushed it off and didn't really think much of it.

A week after that was when I had my first REAL DP experience. I was going paddle-boarding in the middle of a bay. All by myself (not to mention that the DP was there, but I just wasn't that much aware of it). I sailed into the middle of the bay and I spaced out. I was in the middle of boats speeding past me, no people, no phone, just me panicking in the middle of the water. I felt like I was having a heart attack or someone shot me in the head. It was the most unreal experience. I looked at my hands and was thinking "WTF are these?" I looked at the water, the shore, and the clouds and it just felt new to me.. Like it was never there before. It didn't feel real. I paddled my butt all the way back to shore to figure out what was wrong with me.

I looked up my symptoms and the first result on Google was DP. I looked it up all night and I was scared. I thought I was going psycho.

About 3 months after that, I slowly drifted away from DP with school, friends, and just continued living. Now fast-forward to this summer. I had a random fear. The scariest fear of them all.... Death. I have gone into such deep thought process about death that it almost sounds like my name lol. The part I'm scared about is what is after. I'm scared that there is going to be complete nothingness like how I was before I was born. I DONT WANNA BE LIKE THAT! I wanna live a happy life, and go to heaven, or go to an afterlife. Aaaand me being the perfectionist I am, I need proof for everything. Let's say I basically drove myself depressed, scared, tiny, and insane.

This fear and anxiety has triggered by DP back harder than a wrecking ball (lol hey miley). This fear has not gone away, so I can't get rid of my DP. The only way I can distract myself, is by being on the computer or phone. It takes me away. It makes me distracted and feel somewhat normal. Basically, I am letting the DP beat me up and tell me what to do. I can't face reality without looking at my phone every 2 seconds. I am afraid to get up and go to the bathroom without my phone without having a DP attack.

To be honest guys I am so scared. What if it's not DP? What if I have schizophrenia or some crazy mental disorder that can't be cured? I have never had so much anxiety and fear in my life. Also, let me tell you I am a major hypochondriac (I worry about my health too much). I don't feel like myself anymore. I used to be the most fun, funny, hyper, non-worrying kid. I look in the mirror and I just don't see me. I am so used to the DP that I feel like there is no way I am going to feel normal again. I don't even remember what it feels like to be normal! I'm not the same person I was before.

Any prescription medicine that can take care of DP? Any supplements? I recently got GABA. Idk how to feel about GABA. It makes me feel relaxed, but I am too relaxed and it makes me feel not in control and it makes me angry.

I am preparing to go on a world tour and I don't know if I will be ready. I can't just cancel because of DP. I need help. I need advice. This is so scary for a 15 year old to be going through especially with growing up and my body changing. Help me be normal


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## Depersonalized Teen (Jan 29, 2014)

SolomonOrlando said:


> Hey, man.
> 
> I know what it's like to be afraid of dying, I actually wrote a blog talking about it that may be of use: Dealing with Death. I know that the concept of death, the afterlife and what all happens after can be a bit scary, but I think the fear is more than enough reason to try to live as best as you can, without trying to figure out the answers for what happens. You're fifteen; you have your whole life ahead of you and I think that, if you just allow yourself to live, you'll find that later on, you may not be so scared of death. You have years and years before you ever get to a point where you're staring death in the face; by that time, you'll be more than capable of handling that.
> 
> ...


Thank you for reading my post and taking the time to reply


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## Manof_theFuture (Dec 14, 2013)

Depersonalized Teen said:


> Hi everyone. I would REEEALLY appreciate if you read all of this so I can be helped,
> 
> I really would like to leave myself anonymous because it is embarrassing for people to know who this is. But let me say, I am a 15 year old scared, anxiety freak. This is my story.
> 
> ...


I'll be the first to tell you welcome to the "weed messed up my life with dp club" lol but almost everything you experienced...so did I and i wanna tell you with time and some thought process changing you will get over this...also your brain is simply trying to find balance but unfortunately when it does that we go a little crazy for a while...just months ago experienced the voidish feeling you wrote about...it is in no way an easy thing to deal with...scary as heck too....but it goes away with time I believe its just the part of the brain that guards you from that feeling is a little shaky for that bit of time but I think in a few months with exercise...and literally having to force yourself back into "normal living" you will be better....though I myself havent been fully relieved of the beast I have noticed a change in the symptoms over these few months....so hang tight..stay in there..dont give up the fight and oh...THANK GOD YOU FOUND THIS SITE....PS: Only look at positive posts  and chat with the others on here it helps a heep


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## Depersonalized Teen (Jan 29, 2014)

johncyf said:


> mail me ...i'lll help


I messaged you.


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