# Someone please help me



## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

I have had DR since I was around 14, currently late thirties. These days, most of the time I am fine with episodes being manageable, usually can get myself out of it but can last hours/days, but I get the occasional bad patch. Last few days have been bad, but I'vi tried to stay calm, I have bnen a bit ill over the last few days too, nothing much, sore throat so blamed that as being ill always males me worse. Bu tonight I had really extreme episode, I completely lost it, very much suicidal, was as bad as when everything first started. I calmed down enough to persuade myelf to get to sleep, hoping things would be better in the morning, but woke up an hour later. My skin is burning and I can't sleep, I dont know whats wrong and I cant cope, I dont know what t do


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

I'm desperately trying to keep calm, but obviously thats something of an oxymoron. I still feel like I'm burning up, I can tell if thats because Im ill or so anxious, I dont know why I'm so anxious and it wont go away.I wish could go to the doctor and get help but I now there's nothing theyll be able to do. I'm so desperate


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

I'm guessing if you actually get to read this reply, you found something to at least get through the night.

were your usual coping techniques not working for you? what would you normally do to cope with a particularly strong episode of dr?


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Hi tfiio,

Thanks so much for replying. I'm still very derealised, but have calmed down a bit. I think you can forget how truly horrific this can be when things have been good for a while. Usually I'm just able to distract myself with tv+lights off or the computer but this was just too much.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

If it becomes totally unbearable please seek medical attention through a doctor or hospital etc...DO NOT suffer in silence...Speak to someone who you trust and is understanding and patient....

The worst thing you can do is try to get through this alone....DO NOT let anybody fob you off with the "You seem fine to me" or "Its just all in your head" or "You just need some tea and a nap" pep talk crap....

You need proper help and care and understanding from patient caring people...


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thanks eddy,

The thing is, there doesn't seem to be anything anyone would be able to do for me?As far as I can see there isn't any medication that can help


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## epiphany906 (Feb 21, 2017)

your your own best critic. remember the last time(s) youv had this and it passed. life is ups and downs more so in my daily bipolar. but i can recall alot of things ive done to get out of moods i dont want to be in, so im already doing something to occupy that thought no matter what. easier said than done, i know. this isnt my first rodeo. when im over hyer(manic) it feels great and i say some pretty inapropriate things and i scare people cause im the unknown to them. your not unknown to me and theres a billion to 0 chance ill ever meet you but i get it. its o.k. to not feel o.k. lock yourself uo with some music or sleep all day! anybody says shit tell em u got that "sore throat" get rid of em! hang in their bud, its all good


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thanks epiphany,

I've been holed up in bed for the last few days now. Your right, I know I've been here before and will get back out again. Its just so hard, Thanks for getting back to me everyone


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Hello, thanks all so much for replying. I'm starting to feel better than I was, feeling more confident things will get better.

I have been replying to everyone, but its seems none of them have gotten through. Trying again, just wanted to say thanks to those that replied more than anything


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

I cant take it any more, been trying so hard not to panic, but I cant go on. I can't believe anyone should go through this. If I go to a hospital is there even anything they will be able to do?


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

the only way to find out is to try. if you feel that it is severe enough that you can no longer safely exist where you are, it's okay to go to the hospital. they can't fix everything at once, it's not that simple. but they can find something to calm you down, and start figuring out what will help you. they can help. you're not alone, you're not "too far gone", and you are worth helping. you've already seen improvements before, which means that you've already gotten a bit better at least once. which is concrete proof that you can get better.

there's no one generally accepted medication or class of medications that treats all derealization. but right now it sounds like the panic is way worse than the derealization, and there are medications that are very good for that, both for right away calming down, and for decreasing risk of panic in the long run. you might as well try, right?


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thanks tfiio,

I've booked the soonest doctors apt they had, which is Friday. I'll see how it goes.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

So, I went to the doctors. Had a bunch of blood tests and all came back ok. He prescribed Sertraline, but I haven't taken any yet as I felt I was slowly getting better. But tonight I've had another episode of extreme DR and anxiety again. Can anyone offer any advice on medications for anxiety? I'm extremely nervous about taking any medication, and Sertraline in particular doesn't seem to have a great reputation. (waiting on psychiatrist referral, no idea how long its going to take)


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

medication is not my area of expertise, but the most negative I've heard about sertraline is either no positive, or some positive but strong drowsiness. that does not automatically discount any concerns about it you may have, but it does indicate to me that its poor reputation may be coming from more than just objective ratings.

I have taken sertraline at multiple points in the absence of any other medication and experience a range of no effect to positive effect, with no negative effect. SSRIs (the type of medication) are generally considered pretty safe/low-risk. it takes time to build up in the system, so you may take it for a couple weeks and not feel anything, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work.

it sounds to me like it would be a good idea to try taking the sertraline as prescribed. I have found very little substantiated evidence of long-term effects after stopping the medication, so if you hate it you can just talk to the doctor about stopping it and they'll tell you the safest way to do that. it will take time before it will actually do anything, but it sounds like you're getting to the point where you need to be doing something to try to get through it, and right now this is one of the options available to you.

looking at why you're so nervous about it can help us figure out whether or not it's a good idea for you, but in absence of that, I feel it is worth trying.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

The majority of negative reports about drugs such as Sertraline are either internet scare mongering or garbage hearsay...

Now there are some people that certain drugs dont agree with but these people are in the minority...For most people SSRIs do good things for both anxiety and depression...

Theres nothing to be afraid of honestly.....

The worst that can happen is you take it for a couple of weeks and it doesnt agree with you for whatever reason....In that case you talk to your doctor and get him to wean you off it....

SSRIs can as tfiio has previously said can take a few weeks to start working (up to 8 depending on the individual) so dont expect miracles over night...

They also may make you feel a little worse initially but this is very mormal...Its just your mind and body adjusting to the new drug.....It normally passes after a week or so.....


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I'm a bit harsher towards SSRI than Eddy (sorry mate!), and I don't think they agree with me. They do something weird to my mind and emotions that I cannot quite explain.

But even then, coming off Sertraline was fine and it went away. You should be okay with this and if it doesn't work, then its one med down. Obviously, you need to come off it slowly with a doctor (assuming that you do).

The only SSRI I have read about with potentially severe discontinuation effects is Paxil. I took that for a weeks ago and it was extremely powerful against social anxiety, so not hard to see why it could be difficult to come off (because it seemed like the serotonin-boosting effect is so strong).


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thanks everyone. I'm extremely anxious about taking any medication. Even if it was a placebo I know I'd have a bad reaction, have a panic attack and make things super intense again :/ it's a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. I've bought some supplements to try, but haven't even been able to take those.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

it probably won't be fun, but I really do think it's a good idea to try. good luck


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

I really think you're doing the right thing by starting the meds. I was just talking to another forum member about this - how you can't possibly expect your other symptoms to improve or resolve if you're drowning in anxiety. I firmly believe that you need to start with that premise. And it doesn't matter how you get there. If you can beat the anxiety naturally, great, but a lot of us have not been able to. If that's the case there is no need to prolong your misery any further. Don't buy the hype that you read online, millions of people are on medication and it works for them. But I think you need to try and start with an upbeat attitude - with the firm belief that potential relief is within your grasp. Don't get hung up on side effects that may not even occur, you need quick relief, every system in your body is crying out for relaxation. It's like if you're paralyzed from the waist down - would you want to use a wheelchair to get around or would you want to stay in bed the rest of your life? Nobody would want to have to use a wheelchair, but if you want some quality of life, you have to take what is available to you. And trust me, my anxiety was so bad that at one point I had slept a total of 45 minutes over the course of four nights. I was drunk with fear, and ready to end it all, never believing I could feel better by way of meds alone, yet here I am, many times calmer than I was. Good luck to you.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Well, I've still been too chicken to take them, hoping things would get better but the DR and anxiety is really severe, getting panic attacks. I just cant stand the thought that this might make things worse for the first couple of weeks. The wife's going away at the weekend, and I'm looking after the youngest daughter. I'm worried about how I'm going to cope looking after her on my own in this state, which I think is making things worse. Doctors appointments are at least a week. Was thinking about the possibility of asking for a benzo prescription, I know sound ridiculous given how scared I am of taking meds, and I probably wouldn't take one at all, but even knowing I had them might help. Are benzos a terrible idea? I know withdrawl can be a big problem, but you can just take them if/when needed right? Are they likely to cause anything like dizzyness/woozyness?


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

taking them only as needed (assuming you don't need them very regularly, and you're careful about what constitutes "need") shouldn't be much of an issue in terms of dependence (and the withdrawal associated with it). that doesn't mean it's a 100% safeguard, but it is a useful step towards preventing dependence. I can explain a little more about the basic mechanics of dependence and withdrawal if you like.

it seems like just crossing your fingers and hoping it gets better without taking action isn't getting you anywhere. what do you think we should do about that?


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Your right, I need help and I'm going to have to bite the bullet. I think having the benzo's would make me feel better about it, knowing I had them just in case. I'd likely never take one, or at least very rarely. I'm going to hold out till after the weekend though.

Just got some blood test results back. Seems I've got a low platelet count, more tests tomorrow. If I'm lucky maybe I'll just be popping some iron or B12s instead.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

you mentioned that you've gotten some vitamins that you just haven't taken yet. do you think perhaps taking your vitamins may be a good place to start?

and yes, even knowing you have the benzos can be a great comfort for many. as long as you're careful about not becoming reliant on taking them, just having them as a sort of safety net shouldn't be a problem.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thats a good idea to start with, I'll give it a go. Thanks again for the replies everyone, means a lot.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

So I didn't take the Sertraline, I was too scared. Too scared to take the vitamins even. I felt like I was making slow progress and didn't want to mess things up in case they made things worse. But things have gotten really bad again the last couple of days, back into a very severe episode. Nothing is real, I'm in a half remembered dream, I can't cope.

Been waiting for my mental health referral, still got to wait anther month for an appointment, been back to the doctors but all he did was to give me a sick note.

I don't even know if this is really DR any more, I dissociate so strongly, it could be temporal lobe epilepsy? But all my doctor wants me to do is wait for my appointment (which will take it up to thee months since I sought help)


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Calmed down a little bit again. So frustrated that after 24 years I finally sought some help, there has been so little support on the NHS. Even after telling two people I had been suicidal. As I said three months from asking for help, to getting a face to face meeting with someone on the mental health side (still think this is just a stepping stone, rather than an actual psychiatrist). I can't really afford it, but has anyone in the UK gone private? Any success, what were the prices like?

I'm becoming more convinced I may actually have temporal lobe epilepsy, particularly due to this symptom...

"Abnormal sensations (which may include a rising or "funny" feeling in the gut)"

When I have the really bad episodes, the ones that come out of nowhere and reaaally send me out of it, I can sort of feel them coming on for about 60 seconds immediately prior with a weird rising sensation like this. The really intense phase lasts a little while, but then I'm left pretty derealised for usually hours/days afterwards, (Prior to this relapse, were I'm pretty much 24, 7)

I do this too, during these times

"Repetitive movements (such as picking at clothing)"

and this..

"Pacing"

And generally sort of feel less concious.

Could this all just be part of normal DR/panic attack. Anyone else have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy or similar?


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

this is going to sound a little bit mean, but are you noticing a pattern here? because I am. you're feeling a little bit better, so you decide to keep putting off the meds. then you crash again. do you think your recovery is so fragile that even taking a vitamin may upset the whole balance? and if it's that fragile, do you really think it's sustainable over time? you've got a very serious mental hurdle blocking you from taking medication, and I think you ought to consider why you're so afraid, and whether or not it's really practical at this point.

repetitive movements and pacing (which is a repetitive movement, haha) are relatively common actions during a period of high anxiety or outright panic. I personally am not entirely familiar with the "rising feeling" in the stomach, but is it perhaps the same sort of feeling you get as a roller coaster descends a hill? or a plane begins to land? because that is a feeling I do associate with anxiety as well, although that may just be me in particular given that planes and roller coasters make me anxious, haha.

I believe forestx5 has been diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy, if you want to talk to him about it. but from what little information you've given me, it is not unreasonable to assume your symptoms are anxiety-rooted instead of epilepsy-rooted.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Ditto on what's being said. If you are scared to take a vitamin never mind a SSRI, it's kinda hard to get help. All the doctors do is write perceptions. You could try some therapy might help you with some fears. I am not gonna say do or don't go on meds, up to you.

Convincing yourself you have thing unrelated to anything or without good reason is typical health anxiety. Everything in this thread just screams health anxiety and plain old anxiety ruling your life. "Abnormal sensations rising or "funny" feeling in the gut" has nothing to do with your head, it's nerves in your stomach, anxiety. As above, when you feel sick or go on a roller coaster this same thing happens. Anxiety makes DP worse and can cause it full stop, so no wonder you feel this rising feeling then feel DP'd it's anxiety. "Repetitive movements" - OCD is another thing that happens in anxiety. I've been there and pacing too. All of this sounds normal (for anxiety).

It sucks but after all these years would you not consider trying something, you are psyching yourself out, you just don't realise this. I'm not trying to be mean, just think you should take a step back and see it how it is. First step to a better life


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

100% anxiety....................

The ironic thing here is that the condition itself is telling you to avoid the cure (medication)

Kinda like the disease of alcoholism telling the alcoholic there isnt a problem...

The mind works in very mysterious ways..

The really intense episodes you are referring to that leave you "out of it" are panic attacks.....DP/DR always becomes more intense for hours or even days after anxiety attacks...


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thanks eveyone,

Not mean at all lol, don't worry honesty is what I need.

I can see this sort of from the outside looking in, logically. And honestly I find it a bit embarrassing. But, as I'm sue you'll all know its different when your in it.

The thing about medication I've had since this all started as a kid. No access to the internet and too scared to go to the doctors I had not idea what was happening to me I started OCDing over everything, medication, the colour of my socks, which way I slept etc. The medication one stuck, I had a really bad chest infections a few years ago that needed antibiotics, didn't take them.

The anxiety logic goes something like this. I'm juuust about getting by right now say 8 out of 10, where I as at 10. The worry is that, with a risk of increasing anxiety initially it could take things back up to 10, which I really couldn't take. Thats why I had the idea of having some sort of benzo as a backup incase things got too much, but my doctor wouldn't go for it. Just knowing I had it would help.

I took a vit C a couple if weeks ago, had a panic attack and felt awful. Logically I know that the Vit C had nothing to do with how I felt, but I also know i a took another one the same thing would happen :/

I know this makes it difficult to help me unfortunately. I'll try giving the vitamins another try until next month when I see the mental health people.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

would you possibly be able to force yourself through that period of panicking every time you take one? it would obviously be really not fun at all, but it's just an idea. like, forcing yourself to take, say, a vitamin c every day for a week, or two weeks, or whatever. see if your feelings about it change by the end of that time, in which case it'd be easier to keep taking it. or if it doesn't change, at least you've got a clear idea of something you need to work on with a therapist.

obviously it'd be really stressful to do it that way, and not everyone has the luxury to just block out a week or two to be nonfunctional just for the sake of trying something. so if you can't do that for whatever reason, I totally get it. it's just an idea.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

The OCD will go away after a couple of weeks on the medication....SSRIs help immensely with OCD....Thats been my experience anyway...

I hate the way anxiety affects the way we think and act....My heart goes out to ya mrt


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## Nirvana (Jan 25, 2016)

hope this helps mayne


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thanks everyone,

I'm going to try a vitamin today. The only thing that's really got me through the past few weeks is making music again. But now, using the headphones has set off my tinnitus again really badly. Shit, I knew I shoudn't, I had kept them quiet, just got to hope it calms down, ugh I don;t need this right now, really not helping with the anxiety


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

it can be okay.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

I think medication would be a step forward to a better life!! OCD is not something you need to live with. As advice already given try slowly introducing for now a vitamin in aims to replace this with medication. You talk about logic so you've got to understand this is an israssional fear. Vit C is a good one to see this fear.

Logically you pee away what you don't need and it's in a lot of the food you take daily. It is not causing anxiety, the thought is. A good tip is to have it beside your bed ready to go, with some water or whatever and do it in the morning before you've even thought about it and the forget about it, this will take training of course. I did this with Lithium, not because I was scared of it but because it's not nice reminding myself every day I've been given a famous medication to keep me level, so to remain feeling just me, I take it as if it was a sugar pill. Still know it's Lithium but it's just an empty routine.

Also I'm not undermining your tinnitus, it's not fun but being a drummer and sound engineer I've gone years with it being nearly conversation level, it's part of the game, mine has gone down again but one day mine will come back with too many rock concerts, honestly it's not the noise that is bothering you, it's the anxiety that's coming with it, that is unless it's louder than say the fan in a bathroom, then I'd explore avenues, most are supplements or medication. Two ones that work but take work are white or pink noise. I much prefer pink noise, when you listen to then you will understand. Listen to either or to sleep and 30 minutes pink noise every day in headphones for 2/3 months. (Sounds hard but not loud just relaxing level and do it while doing washing or something)


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thanks,

Yeah. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact its a step I've got to take to move forward. I've had relapses before and managed to pull myself through it, but this ones a doozy.

Going to try vitamins -> quarter tablets sertraline (12.5mg) and build them up from there.

Is it ok chopping up the tablets to lower the dose? Its not just going to prolong onset effect or anything?

The tinnitus has calmed down a bit thankfully, its a shame I can;t sit and make music though. Not the same through crappy laptop speakers. I've used apps before when its been bad, I've found pink noise mixed with some movement, ie wind/sea noises helped me most.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

cutting the tablet, as long as you can do it consistently, is a way to lower the dose, and I've had docs tell me to do it before instead of writing me a new prescription. however, consistently cutting it precisely into 1/4s is going to be difficult, unless you have a talent for that kind of thing. and as for onset, it's not like taking an advil where it takes half an hour max to feel a difference, it takes weeks to build up in the system. so gradually increasing the dose to what you were actually prescribed will make it take longer to see any possible effects. and typically, if you don't see any effects after a few solid weeks (4-6) at your prescribed dosage, they're going to increase it again, instead of just going "well, guess that doesn't work."

this isn't me telling you not to do it, it sounds like a good way to somewhat decrease your anxiety about taking it since it's such a minuscule dosage. I'm just trying to illustrate what the results might be so you know what to expect.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Personally I'd say no point, 12.5 is the lowest dose, you are trying to build it up in your system, you probably won't even give yourself enough to see the benefits and the only reason you want to do this is because in your mind it's somehow better. Your anxiety is telling you things that are not true. I know people on 100mg and the max is 200. WAYYYY off what you have been given.

As for the whole splitting tablets, if it has a line in the tablet, it's usually NOT ALWAYS means it was put there to be split, but a lot of tablets are long release, so cutting the tablet means it goes into your system faster than it should, again it depends what type of medication it is.. I'm not going to give you advice on this medication because it's not my place to. Stick to the doctors orders and don't waste your own time with a dose that's not going to help.

How loud are you listening to music?

Are you just trying to enjoy music or mix music? I ask because it's to do with exposure and frequencies.

I am pretty sure if you bought say a pair of Shure SRH840 (as an example) for £100, they provide good bass response and are clear (no I don't work for Shure!) meaning you don't need them as loud as say tinnitus worse nightmare, a pair of Apple or the likes in-ear earplugs, which need to be louder and tend to have a lot more treble. It's treble that is most likely causing tinnitus, saying as it seems to react to noise.

Another thing to note is if you get an equaliser up on whatever you are listening to your music with and take out some 1k a bit 2k a good bit and some 4k... you'd have a lot less issues. The ear is a lot louder at 2k because this is where the voice is. Also go to an ENT there is so many reasons for tinnitus, one of them could just be fluid in your ear


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

I don't know what to do anymore, the anxietys going, but I'm still out of it. Trying to think abut anything else at the minute, I might try n go back to work and see how I go...



CK1 said:


> How loud are you listening to music?
> 
> Are you just trying to enjoy music or mix music? I ask because it's to do with exposure and frequencies.
> 
> ...


Not listening very loud, I make electronic music so sort of make and mix as I go.

Just using some cheapish philips over ear ones at the minute, after my old Senheisers broke. They dont seem particularly harsh, I'll try the eq thing. Was going to get some DT770 or DT990 Pros for about that price. Any experience on comparing these to the Shures?

I've had the tinnitus since I was a kid, but its gotten worse. I saw an ENT doctor, he did a hearing test, and once it came back ok (some slight high frequency loss) he wasn't really interested in anything else.

My ears to pop all the time, and I have post nasal drip constantly. I feel like it may be some sort of autoimmune or inflammatory issue, but again the doctor wasn;t interested. When I go out in the cold air I can feel the sinuses at the front of my head sort of swell. Though I might take tumeric or low dose aspirin every day to see if that has an effect.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Do you have any monitors you could mix with? might be easier on the ears as they have distance, personally I just end up turning monitors up too loud because I am use to live sound and a lot of power, but something to try.

If you are trying the EQ thing when mixing you will have a much more treble based mix because you are listening to these frequencies dipped. I can't think of much of a work around for that, what might be better is a limited put in place on the master bus so that when you solo a snare or whatever it doesn't blow your head off.

DT770 or DT990 are good, same type of deal as the Shures. I use the Shures as they are flat but nice sounding to mix on, plus a few top engineers i've met have used them, so good enough for them, good enough for me. Either will defiantly do the job.

Yeah the only ENT i ever got that was good I paid for, the rest unless you had blood pouring out did not care, although I did get grommets, but I can't remember the effect on my T, my tube was blocked in one ear. I got it on both ears so I could hear the same (that's the logic i used and the doctor agreed)

I doubt very much autoimmune, again you are thinking way above the problem, sorry. I take Tumeric just because it's good thing to take but i don't think it is going to cure this. It sounds more like a simple infection and might help the T, i'd change GP's? they need to at least pretend to care.

Low dose of aspirin every day and you won't try an SSRI? you are confusing drugs that are common for the fact they are safe, aspirin every day would lead to implications down the line for sure. The main one I can think of is your stomach lining, I know it has it's benefits against heart attacks and many other things, but it's not something i'd just start taking and up for debate if the risk is worth the benefits.

The main thing is Aspirin will not cure or help your T, as any doctor will tell you step one is (sedafed) 'pseudoephedrine' as instructed for 3 full months at the same time a nasal steroid spray 2/3 times a day for 3 months at the same time. Then see how you are


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Kids + not much room make it hard to listen on monitors. I'm not so bothered about making accurate mixes right now, so much as just having a decent idea as to what i'm doing.

Once the ENT said everything was ok, that was enough for them. I had grommets as a kid after an ear infection perforated my ear drum.

I wasn't feeling too bad today so took kids out to McDonalds, anxiety rocketed nor DR is severe again  The thing that is really stopping me from taking the SSRI is the possibility that it will increase anxiety+panic attacks and making me feel this way all the time, I couldn't bear it.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

I haven't heard any stories of sertraline increasing anxiety or panic, aside from people like you who are panicking because they're taking a medication as opposed to the actual effects of the medication itself. I am not a global expert, I haven't interviewed every single person who ever took it, this is just my understanding. I think the possibility of it increasing your anxiety as an effect of the medication itself as opposed to your own emotional response to the idea of taking medication is incredibly slim. and your emotional response can be changed over time, as you get used to the idea and all that.

I can't force you to do anything, and I don't think I should even if I could. however, I would still advise you to take the sertraline.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Agreed. Maybe give it time to settle in your mind. Take some vitamins get use to the idea and one day just slip in the meds. Don't give it a second thought. For now forget about it. The more you fight against it the harder it will seem. Honestly one tablet doesn't do anything it's a build it up thing. So one day take one. You'll realise it's nothing to fear and you won't look back. Good luck


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thanks everyone. My little girl had waxy ears and couldn't hear well, and needed some olive oil ear drops. She screamed and screamed whenever we tried to get them in, in case she didn't like it, no matter how much we tried to explain it was just a little drop and wouldn't hurt her. Eventually we managed to get her to try it, she laughed and said she liked it. Hopefully its just like that


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

haha, yeah, it does seem a little something like that.

you can do it. I believe in you.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

you can do it dude and you are going to


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

I tried an online doctor, and they refered me to an online therepist. Just had my appoinment, triggered a reallu bad episode and was no help. Just asked a lot of quesitons and said to ring the samaritans if theings get too bad.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

therapy takes time. it kind of sounds like that therapist was just doing a standard intake session, which is a necessary component. they have to have some idea of what you're feeling and who you are before they can really start to offer you anything. that doesn't just erase the fact that you were severely triggered and that's a serious problem, but it's something that I don't think you can really avoid if you're going to seek treatment, and I really really really really think you should continue to seek treatment.

was it something the therapist said that triggered you? or was it something in their behavior? or was it the simple act of talking to a therapist at all?


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

I'm not sure what I was expecting, maybe some help/advice, I don't know. The guy was fine really, it was just talking about it that triggered it, I'm so easily pushed over the edge right now. I don't think therapy is really for me.


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## sundar1989 (May 15, 2017)

How are you doing now?


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## mind.divided (Jul 2, 2015)

My advice is that you write down what triggered this from the beginning. If you can resolve the trauma you might get cured. It's a psychological problem after all. Some people completely forget what triggered this disorder so they have a much harder time resolving anything...


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

I know it's a really difficult process, but I'm gonna have to say that I really, really think you should give therapy another chance. it triggered your anxiety, and that really sucks, and it's painful and of course you'd want to not do it again. that's totally understandable. but it sounds like you've got a lot going on in there, and letting it stay in there and spin itself up into a whirlwind of awful kind of sounds like how you got where you are? and letting it continue to spin and fester and whatever other analogies you like to use isn't going to make it better, at least I don't see it happening.

perhaps if you're able to work your way up to taking the medication, that can help take some of the edge off, and make it easier for you to talk about it. do you think that's a possibility? because I don't think you should just avoid talking about it indefinitely.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

mrt said:


> I'm not sure what I was expecting, maybe some help/advice, I don't know. The guy was fine really, it was just talking about it that triggered it, I'm so easily pushed over the edge right now. I don't think therapy is really for me.


I used to dissociate something terrible in therapy one on one sessions...Almost used to feel too deeply connected with the therapist that it actually scared me...

In fact usually when im in close one on one situations I become hyper aware of the person in front of me...almost like i feel they are sensing or reading my every thought or action....It actually feels invasive almost....Kinda like im being studied...

Very odd...

Or just very paranoid lol....


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

mind.divided said:


> My advice is that you write down what triggered this from the beginning. If you can resolve the trauma you might get cured. It's a psychological problem after all. Some people completely forget what triggered this disorder so they have a much harder time resolving anything...


Well, initially I got this after smoking weed. But you might be right about this relapse


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

tfiio said:


> I know it's a really difficult process, but I'm gonna have to say that I really, really think you should give therapy another chance. it triggered your anxiety, and that really sucks, and it's painful and of course you'd want to not do it again. that's totally understandable. but it sounds like you've got a lot going on in there, and letting it stay in there and spin itself up into a whirlwind of awful kind of sounds like how you got where you are? and letting it continue to spin and fester and whatever other analogies you like to use isn't going to make it better, at least I don't see it happening.
> 
> perhaps if you're able to work your way up to taking the medication, that can help take some of the edge off, and make it easier for you to talk about it. do you think that's a possibility? because I don't think you should just avoid talking about it indefinitely.


I'll give it another try once my NHS appointment comes up next month. I think you're right, it would be easier when things have hopefully calmed down a bit, either through medication, time or whatever.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

eddy1886 said:


> ...
> 
> In fact usually when im in close one on one situations I become hyper aware of the person in front of me...almost like i feel they are sensing or reading my every thought or action....It actually feels invasive almost....Kinda like im being studied...
> 
> Very odd...


Lol, yeah. I really struggle with talking one to one with people. Did you get anything out of it?


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

thank you for being willing to try again. I hope you find something healthy that works for you.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

Take Xanax or valium. Sounds like I'm trolling but Im honestly not. That shit will knock you out very quickly and stop the freak-out


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## Betts17 (May 19, 2017)

Therpay is tricky, isn't it? A big trigger for most people (including myself) is talking or thinking about dpdr. But you have to talk to your therapist about it, so you're forced to confront it right then and there. I've had a few bad episodes during therapy while trying to address this issue. It's tough.

You want to find the reason for the dpdr, but you also don't want to talk about it lol.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

midnight, as discussed for the majority of the thread, mrt finds it extremely difficult to take medication of any kind, as they get panic attacks anytime they try. it's possible that a xanax or valium would be enough to counter that, but it is certainly not a guarantee. right now they're thinking of trying to slowly work their way up to taking the dosage of sertraline they were prescribed.

I'm not trying to shut you down or anything, and it's totally possible that mrt may find your advice worth considering. I'm sure you're coming from a good place. it just sort of feels like you're missing some of the context here.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

tfiio said:


> midnight, as discussed for the majority of the thread, mrt finds it extremely difficult to take medication of any kind, as they get panic attacks anytime they try. it's possible that a xanax or valium would be enough to counter that, but it is certainly not a guarantee. right now they're thinking of trying to slowly work their way up to taking the dosage of sertraline they were prescribed.
> 
> I'm not trying to shut you down or anything, and it's totally possible that mrt may find your advice worth considering. I'm sure you're coming from a good place. it just sort of feels like you're missing some of the context here.


Difficult to take medication? Jesus Christ. Just put it on your tongue and swallow it. OP won't die from taking a Valium, housewives with nervous dispositions took them regularly throughout the 70s. It's just a tranquilliser that induces relaxation and sleep


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Really struggling again today. I can barely cope now, the thought of weeks of SSRI side effects making things worse before any potential help is stopping me from taking them more than anything. I asked my doctor for something help short term but he wouldnt prescribe benzos.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Ugh, I can't do this anymore. Heads spinning


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

THings are getting really bad again. I can;t do this again. THis can;t be right, nothing is real I'm not even conscious


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

HOw do people survive this


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

What can I do anyone?


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

I really dont want to go to hospitl


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

mrt said:


> I really dont want to go to hospitl


You don't need to go to the hospital.

Scour your area and the internet for the nearest available therapist who has an understanding of DP (yes they do exist). Book a session to see how it pans out.

In the mean time RELAX. You are not going mad / dying / going into psychosis.

I had those thoughts for YEARS and nothing EVER happened.

Do an activity that totally immerses you. That can be lifting / watching a film with complete focus (hard to do but achieveable) - go running. Anything that requires you to be very focused on what you are doing.

Failing that take a tranquilizer, as I've already said - it legit WORKS

You have that classic thing so many people with DP get including me sometimes, which is learned helplessness. You are just sitting there hoping it will go away of it's own accord. It might, but it generally responds to ACTIONS.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Midnight said:


> You don't need to go to the hospital.
> 
> Scour your area and the internet for the nearest available therapist who has an understanding of DP (yes they do exist). Book a session to see how it pans out.
> 
> ...


Thanks Midnight,

I've calmed down a bit again. Yeah, distraction is how I've got myself out of this in the past, and is what I've been doing for the last couple of months. But things hit hard again today, honestly if it wasn't for the sake of the kids I'm not sure I'd still be around.

I'd start taking the Sertraline, but need something in the short term. I'd have taken tranquilizers today if I had them, unfortunately the doc wouldn't give me any.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

we're here for you. it's okay.

midnight, I don't particularly care for your attitude, I feel like you're dismissing problems that are genuinely hurting others. that's pretty rude, especially here. I'd appreciate it if you don't do that in future.

mrt, you can start taking the sertraline and still try to get something for as-needed. if you're willing to start, it would be a very good idea to do so. if it's still too much for you, have you started working your way up like you had suggested before?


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Thanks tfiio,

I haven't yet, I'm tired now. But, am going to take at least something tomorrow, I need to do something. You can hold me to it.

I still would feel better having access to some sort of short term relief before starting the SSRI though, as a one off/when needed thing in case the panic sets in.

I know its a big ask, but is there anyway anyone would be able to get something to me?


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Probably rules here about asking for it, but in this case, short term, to get you on it, if your doctor doesn't get you some at least beta blockers, I am sure some of us have enough, between the forum we have a pharmacy


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

failing this,

https://thoughtfoods.co.uk/anxiolytics/picamilon.html?search_query=Picamilon+Tablets&results=1#/size-bottle_of_60_tabs_x_100mg

might be something to consider, bit like a benzo, legal works on GABA


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

you could always try asking a different doctor, it's hecka sketchy but I know most populated places in the US have a doctor that'll prescribe you whatever as long as they get paid. idk what it's like where you are, but I imagine if you have the ability to seek another opinion you may be able to find someone more willing to prescribe you.

and I am definitely holding you to that.  I won't be mad if something gets in the way of you making a game attempt, but I'm going to check on it at least.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

tfiio said:


> we're here for you. it's okay.
> 
> midnight, I don't particularly care for your attitude, I feel like you're dismissing problems that are genuinely hurting others. that's pretty rude, especially here. I'd appreciate it if you don't do that in future.
> 
> mrt, you can start taking the sertraline and still try to get something for as-needed. if you're willing to start, it would be a very good idea to do so. if it's still too much for you, have you started working your way up like you had suggested before?


It would be impossible for me to give less of a fuck what you think of me. Lmao, you aren't the forum police here, you condescending twat.

Whether you like it or not i've had DP for years so I have some authority on the subject having visited the research clinic in London and trying many medications / therapies etc. Sometimes people need tough love - Many people get stuck here for YEARS spinning their wheels making no progress because they don't take action - that was me too. Im helping to alleviate that learned helplessness.

Iv'e spent years writing responses / helping people out on here. there just comes a point at which people sometimes need direct honesty. I've been extremely fair to most people and have even taken the time out to chat to people personally on facebook etc. So piss off


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

oh golly, I didn't realize I was in the presence of greatness! :I

tough love works for some people, in some situations. and I'm certain you've made important contributions to people's lives and recoveries. however, in this particular instance, your tone is less "tough love" and more "haha look at this loser". the phrase "tough love" indicates there still needs to be a component of love to it.

your statement also indicates you think for some reason I have no knowledge base of my own, despite available evidence to the contrary. I find this to be a very curiously common misconception. I'm not a professional, but neither are you. you know what works for you. maybe you've even gathered some things that don't work for you but work for some other people. you're not an authority. you'll note that I never claim to be an authority either.

mrt, I'm sorry for semi-hijacking your thread just to take issue with somebody's tone. did you take something today like you said you would?


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Nope tfiio, I chickened out. But, I did take some b-gos today


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

well, you didn't do it yesterday, but you did today. and you'll try again tomorrow, right?  good effort.


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Had a bad day, so didn't take anything again  went to docs and was expecting B12 injections, but more delays. Should be Friday. I'll have something today.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

keep trying. you can do it.


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