# Hi! Synestesia and depersonalization anyone?



## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

Hi everyone. First of all, please excuse my English, I'm a foreigner. I've just found this website because I found out today that what I feel isn't normal. Please help me figure out if it's depersonalization or what it is, I'm pretty scared right now.
So, since I was a child (I don't actually remember when) I had this strange feeling like my soul or energy, which is my true self- goes out of my body to the right side. I feel like this hands aren't mine, this body isn't mine, I don't feel them, it's like I'm moving my body mechanicly and see or hear what people say but moving makes it weird because I'm not there, inside this body. It's like watching a movie. Like a strange object that isn't me. It happens with my whole body, I don't even know how to explain it, it's like this isn't me and I don't really know what I'm doing there in that body or that place with those people (which are my close friends in reality). I feel like I don't know anything about that place or bodies and those are strange people which, I don't know why, they talk to me. I can't figure out who I am and what am I doing there. Nobody sees it because I just sit and let it go away as I was convinced until today everybody had this sensation every once in a while. A collegue told me she sometimes feels that she isn't herself and I said well, we all do. She said it wasn't true and I panicked. What is wrong with me? I feel this at least 3-4 times a week, when I eat, whean I walk, when I work... It stays for about 1-2 minutes and it goes away. 
I found out recently after being tested that I also have synesthesia, which was also a surprise as I tought everybody knew Friday was yellow and the number 9 orange... It freaks me out. Does anyone experience that? 
I must mention that I had an accident as a child, when I was 5. A kid broke my head with a stone and I stayed in hospital for some time being tested, I don't really remember much, but you can feel the scar if you touch my head. Is it because of that? What can I do about this? Sorry for the long message, I'm still shocked knowing that this isn't a normal thing.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

heard of synesthesia, glad i've never experienced it. dp can come from childhood trauma, you've had a neuro eval , have you had a psych eval too?


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

kate_edwin said:


> heard of synesthesia, glad i've never experienced it. dp can come from childhood trauma, you've had a neuro eval , have you had a psych eval too?


Thank you for writing back. I didn't receive a psychological evaluation. I just remember having a lot of wires on my head and that they made me many tomographies. I don't know if I had this sensation of being a spectator of my body before the accident or not, I was too young. I'm not sure I have dp, it's not a permanent thing. I'm 27 years old now. Do you think it's dp?


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## stillhaventfound (Jan 19, 2012)

first of all, your English is great, actually!
I have synesthesia too (just color-lexical), but I'm not entirely sure whether I have DP/DR. My depersonalization isn't as extreme as my actual anxiety of it is--I think this is called differentiation anxiety. I would definitely have to say I don't feel my synesthesia and possible DP are connected, though. DP and synesthesia are both a result of abnormal sensory processes, but the former is definitely more affected by abnormal psychological processes / emotional stress / a tendency to think deeply.
It depends on the severity of your injury...do you know if the extent of the brain damage, if at all?

and about the synesthesia--do you see it as a negative thing? my type has never bothered me, but I'm curious how other people feel about theirs.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

There are 2 diferent types of dp, one is a full disorder, usually comes from child hood trauma or drug use. The second is a symptom, sometimes dependant on drug use, or an anxiety or other mental health problem, this kind may be shorter and happen in shorter episodes


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I read a book "Deep Survival, who lives, who dies, and why" by Gonzales. It has nothing to do directly with DP, but it gave me insight into the seperation of the cognitive brain, and the emotional brain. I believe that DP and DR is the result of the loss of integration between the emotional and cognitive self. Recent research articles also suggest that opinion is held by researchers. And, the problem is due to neurological problems in the temporal lobe, where the emotional self is integrated with the cognitive self.
And so what you feel is foreign to what you know. And there are examples in the book of how the emotional self has it's own pathways to control our behavior.
A woman with no short term memory is shocked by her doctor when they shake hands. He knows she will not remember the event, as her short term memory is absent due to a stroke.
So, when she visits again, he extends his had for a handshake. She retracts her hand, but she does not know why. She simply feels uneasy about shaking her doctor's hand though she has
no cognitive memory of the previous shock. She can't say why she is uneasy about shaking hands. The conclusion is that she has "emotional memory".
And a stroke patient has half of his face paralyzed. The doctor asks him to smile. One side of his face smiles, the other sags. And then the doctor does something funny, and the patient smiles with both sides of his face. Why? Because only the cognitive pathways to the smile are impaired by the stroke. The emotional pathways were not affected.
And the point is that we are an integration of our cognitive and emotional selves, and when we have neurological problems in the temporal lobe, we can lose that integration.
Sort of like the difference between color TV with stereo, and black and white with mono.
But, synestesia seems to be a horse of a different color.


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

stillhaventfound said:


> first of all, your English is great, actually!
> I have synesthesia too (just color-lexical), but I'm not entirely sure whether I have DP/DR. My depersonalization isn't as extreme as my actual anxiety of it is--I think this is called differentiation anxiety. I would definitely have to say I don't feel my synesthesia and possible DP are connected, though. DP and synesthesia are both a result of abnormal sensory processes, but the former is definitely more affected by abnormal psychological processes / emotional stress / a tendency to think deeply.
> It depends on the severity of your injury...do you know if the extent of the brain damage, if at all?
> 
> and about the synesthesia--do you see it as a negative thing? my type has never bothered me, but I'm curious how other people feel about theirs.


Thank you for the reply and kind words








I don't feel their connection either. I didn't even know DP existed, I always associated it to energy between the body and the soul. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe in energy. And I feel how it goes out in the DP moments to the right side, just backwards on my right shoulder, I feel the sensation of it leaving and then coming back again. 
Actually, when I discovered I had synesthesia I was pretty shocked because I thought everyone saw the same. I asked a friend what color 8 was for her and she said "what do you mean?" and i was trying to explain that 8 was yellow, but she was looking at me funny. 
I don't take it as a negative thing at all, on the contrary, I feel special. I don't know if there was a brain damage, I remember it wasn't. But then again, it was a long time ago, I don't remember much. 
My synesthesia is there only for numbers (it's a colored background, like white for 0, black for 1, light blue for 2, etc) and they have an order in space so when someone says "Dan is 16 years old" I see the navy blue 16 in it's place up to the right and opposite in space to 24. I also have it for the days of the week and they asked me if Friday was green and i said no way, i felt kind of angry because the image of a green Friday was bothering me. For me it's definitely yellow. The same happens with the months of the year and associating objects with colors, like "window" is white, while "bench" is red. Some names also have the same connotation: Steve is orange, not any other color. Derek is black, Jack is grey. Letters don't have color, but they have gender. What do you experience?


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

kate_edwin said:


> There are 2 diferent types of dp, one is a full disorder, usually comes from child hood trauma or drug use. The second is a symptom, sometimes dependant on drug use, or an anxiety or other mental health problem, this kind may be shorter and happen in shorter episodes


Thank you for answering. I never took drugs, i guess in my case it has to do with childhood trauma, even though it only stays for 1-2 minutes about 3-4 times a week. I understand others have it permanently.


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

forestx5 said:


> I read a book "Deep Survival, who lives, who dies, and why" by Gonzales. It has nothing to do directly with DP, but it gave me insight into the seperation of the cognitive brain, and the emotional brain. I believe that DP and DR is the result of the loss of integration between the emotional and cognitive self. Recent research articles also suggest that opinion is held by researchers. And, the problem is due to neurological problems in the temporal lobe, where the emotional self is integrated with the cognitive self.
> And so what you feel is foreign to what you know. And there are examples in the book of how the emotional self has it's own pathways to control our behavior.
> A woman with no short term memory is shocked by her doctor when they shake hands. He knows she will not remember the event, as her short term memory is absent due to a stroke.
> So, when she visits again, he extends his had for a handshake. She retracts her hand, but she does not know why. She simply feels uneasy about shaking her doctor's hand though she has
> ...


That's really interesting, I will search for it on the web. Thank you!


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I have nothing to contribute except to say that I also have synesthesia. I have number form synesthesia and my senses of touch and sound overlap.


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

ValleyGirl83 said:


> I have nothing to contribute except to say that I also have synesthesia. I have number form synesthesia and my senses of touch and sound overlap.


That's really interesting. Do you take it as a gift also? Or a negative thing? For me it's a gift


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

DD, you might also google "the wounds that time won't heal". It is an article based on research which says a stressful developemental period can result in neurological deficits in the temporal lobe, making an individual vulneralbe to depression, anxiety, and symptoms of temporal lobe epilepsy, etc. You don't have to have a diagnosis of epilepsy or have seizures which render you unconscious to experience symptoms of epilepsy. Your symptom of leaving your body and looking over your shoulder is a classic symptom/aura of temporal lobe seizure.
You might google "simple partial seizure" and compare your symptoms to those of simple temporal lobe seizure. If you check the latest articles in the links section, you will find that the most effective treatment to date for depersonalization symptoms, is an SSRI and lamatrogine, which is an anti-epileptic medication.
You can also click on "forestx5" and find my recent content. I recently posted a link to a NY Times article on Temporal Lobe Seizure, and it is very informative.


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## stillhaventfound (Jan 19, 2012)

Dirty_Dancing said:


> Thank you for the reply and kind words
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Wow, I've never heard of what you described happening, about being able to feel the DP moving. Now that I think about it I think I might feel something like that too. 
For me, the numbers and letters themselves are colored, not the background (which is just white). Words for me are just a combination of their letters (so "Friday" is red-purple, grey-purple, white, dark blue, red-pink and gold). The only other thing is, whenever I'm really upset about something, this weird feeling shoots up my right wrist--not sure what that is, though.


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

forestx5 said:


> DD, you might also google "the wounds that time won't heal". It is an article based on research which says a stressful developemental period can result in neurological deficits in the temporal lobe, making an individual vulneralbe to depression, anxiety, and symptoms of temporal lobe epilepsy, etc. You don't have to have a diagnosis of epilepsy or have seizures which render you unconscious to experience symptoms of epilepsy. Your symptom of leaving your body and looking over your shoulder is a classic symptom/aura of temporal lobe seizure.
> You might google "simple partial seizure" and compare your symptoms to those of simple temporal lobe seizure. If you check the latest articles in the links section, you will find that the most effective treatment to date for depersonalization symptoms, is an SSRI and lamatrogine, which is an anti-epileptic medication.
> You can also click on "forestx5" and find my recent content. I recently posted a link to a NY Times article on Temporal Lobe Seizure, and it is very informative.


Really? I will search for information, it's true, I'm finishing my PhD this year and I live in permanent stress, it may be a cause. Thank you very, very much!


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

stillhaventfound said:


> Wow, I've never heard of what you described happening, about being able to feel the DP moving. Now that I think about it I think I might feel something like that too.
> For me, the numbers and letters themselves are colored, not the background (which is just white). Words for me are just a combination of their letters (so "Friday" is red-purple, grey-purple, white, dark blue, red-pink and gold). The only other thing is, whenever I'm really upset about something, this weird feeling shoots up my right wrist--not sure what that is, though.


Yeah, you should pay attention and see if you feel it leaving and coming back. It's a weird sensation, it begins in my upper stomach and neck then my head and I feel it so strong! The comment above this one explains it really good, I'm searching on google right now to see the shoulder thing. I'm always on the right side of my body, behind the shoulder. 
Oh, I like your synesthesia better, it's way cooler than mine! Lol


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

forestx5 said:


> DD, you might also google "the wounds that time won't heal". It is an article based on research which says a stressful developemental period can result in neurological deficits in the temporal lobe, making an individual vulneralbe to depression, anxiety, and symptoms of temporal lobe epilepsy, etc. You don't have to have a diagnosis of epilepsy or have seizures which render you unconscious to experience symptoms of epilepsy. Your symptom of leaving your body and looking over your shoulder is a classic symptom/aura of temporal lobe seizure.
> You might google "simple partial seizure" and compare your symptoms to those of simple temporal lobe seizure. If you check the latest articles in the links section, you will find that the most effective treatment to date for depersonalization symptoms, is an SSRI and lamatrogine, which is an anti-epileptic medication.
> You can also click on "forestx5" and find my recent content. I recently posted a link to a NY Times article on Temporal Lobe Seizure, and it is very informative.


Oh my god... you are right! I googled what you said and it's exatcly this sensation, they describe it perfectly. It's what I was telling another member half of hour ago: I feel when it goes out and comes back first in my upper stomach (kind of the chest, I'm not sure of the exact location, but around), then my neck (I think it's actually throat in English) and head. It gives me goose bumps, I feel them on my skin and it only lasts 1-2 minutes, as I was explaining the other day. Should I see a doctor or will they say I'm crazy? It happens often for many years. It's true that it happens more often when I'm more stressed, like 4 times a week or even twice a day. I must write it down to see how often it happens. Thank you so much!

PS: I have the Hashimoto disease (thyroid condition, an autoimmune disease). Could it have something to do with it? Because the thyroid is related to the brain, I don't know... just asking :-/


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Dirty_Dancing said:


> That's really interesting. Do you take it as a gift also? Or a negative thing? For me it's a gift


I think it's a gift. Honestly, like you or someone else said above, I never knew that everyone didn't see numbers, dates, months of the year in timelines and 3-d spacial sequences. I only learned what it was when I saw a documentary on Synesthesia on some health channel on tv. I asked my family members if they experience it also because it's supposed to be strongly genetic. My younger sister has a form where colors have tastes. My youngest sister and I both have dp as well so, apparently, whatever is in our dna predisposes us to both these conditions.


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

Dirty_Dancing said:


> Oh my god... you are right! I googled what you said and it's exatcly this sensation, they describe it perfectly. It's what I was telling another member half of hour ago: I feel when it goes out and comes back first in my upper stomach (kind of the chest, I'm not sure of the exact location, but around), then my neck (I think it's actually throat in English) and head. It gives me goose bumps, I feel them on my skin and it only lasts 1-2 minutes, as I was explaining the other day. Should I see a doctor or will they say I'm crazy? It happens often for many years. It's true that it happens more often when I'm more stressed, like 4 times a week or even twice a day. I must write it down to see how often it happens. Thank you so much!
> 
> PS: I have the Hashimoto disease (thyroid condition, an autoimmune disease). Could it have something to do with it? Because the thyroid is related to the brain, I don't know... just asking :-/


You can try google books to search on thyroid and epilepsy. You might seek a consultation with a neurologist with expertise in epilepsy to have your questions answered further. Or, you can google the terms "thyroid and epilepsy" or hashimoto and epilepsy to see what information there is on any correlation.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Kind of think, if you have insurance, anyone with dp that's serious or long term even if it comes and goes, you should get a neuro eval just incase, and if the dr thinks it's appropriate an EEG


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

forestx5 said:


> You can try google books to search on thyroid and epilepsy. You might seek a consultation with a neurologist with expertise in epilepsy to have your questions answered further. Or, you can google the terms "thyroid and epilepsy" or hashimoto and epilepsy to see what information there is on any correlation.


Yes, I will google it and I'm calling on Monday to see a neurologist, let's see what he says. Thank you for your support and answers!


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## Dirty_Dancing (Jan 18, 2012)

kate_edwin said:


> Kind of think, if you have insurance, anyone with dp that's serious or long term even if it comes and goes, you should get a neuro eval just incase, and if the dr thinks it's appropriate an EEG


Yeah, I will do that on Monday, it's better than wait and have problems later. Thank you!


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

I have synathsesia. I've had it all my life, but it seemed to ease up when I recovered from DP/ DR. Or maybe I was just noticing it less.

Mine was with tasting words and seeing music. Also voices had a weird effect on me.

Must be some kind of neurological reason why they both happen.


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