# Awareness



## goo goo (Aug 31, 2006)

Hey all.

I dont know whether this is DP/DR because i dont get the feelings of panic and questioning myself why i exist and that im going crazy etc but what i do feel like is that i dont feel anything. Things and people are there, i just cant seem to connect to things. Like When you go out for a walk you feel the breeze and feel the air and nature, but now its just like: okay im going for a walk, no big deal; i get no enjoyment out of it. Its like my awareness of the world has dropped down a level. Back in Feb of this year i got really drunk for the first time and the morning after i noted that i still felt slightly drunk but even after a week i still felt that slight drunknenness.... and it hasn't gone away. But even before that, round about feb 2005, i started to go on the pc for long peroids of time and stay on for whole days. I knew this was not healthy but i continued to do so. My memory of what life was like before this, tells me that its similar to being totally engrossed in a movie then when it finishes you feel 'disconnected' from everything. Being drunk is another example of how detached i feel too. It seems that at the start of that year (2005) i couldent be bothered with school and i had already done my prelims and i thought that was really stressful and i decided to 'give up' and be lazy for the rest of the year. Before that, i was my fine self, but im also thinking that the stress of all the exams could have put me in a state where i dont care or i dont feel anything.

Recently i have been getting flashes of normal awareness. These only last for a second or so but its something to do with light and how it interacts with objects. For example, i looked at my pc moniters plastic bit where the on/off button is and i felt 'there', in the world and i felt an instant surge of joy and i said to myself ' This is it! this is what it was like before' and i knew it definetly was. Its extremely hard to explain what the 'normal' awareness feels like to me. It feels like all i need to do is 'lift' something off my face , like lifting a cover of your body to a cold room, to reimerse myself into normal awareness.

Edit
It also seems like something 'switches' on or triggers when i feel in focus with the awareness of the world. I try to remember how it happens and i think that by looking at the textures of my plastic moniter and how the light hits it, that triggers it sometimes for me.

Craig.


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## goo goo (Aug 31, 2006)

Does anyone have anything they can add or relate to?


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## schtink (Sep 4, 2006)

I think it's an adding problem. What else is in your room that might make you remember? If looking at your monitor causes it to happen, it could be just the frequency at which the monitor refreshes (which you can change by the way), or a combination of things. The refresh rate of your monitor plus the texture of the wall, the floor, the cieling, an old relic or family heirloom, a hint of something in the air, an inaudible sound, anything! Think hard.


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## goo goo (Aug 31, 2006)

Hey,

Adding problem?

Its not my moniter screen its self, but the texture of the plastic casing. I have definatly been having more flashes of full awareness recently, probally because ive been trying to focus outward and pickup all things in my vision , including my perphiphal. But i cant make it last.


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