# Severe cognitive impairment



## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Hello,

Has anybody had severe cognitive impairments, as a result of this. I mean to the point where simple memory is obliterated, can't do the most basic calculations and so on. I feel literally stupid. To put it in context, before my issues in 2015, my old professor advised me to think about taking his job one day. And he is a TOP scientist.

It would mean alot to me if anybody could reply and let me know what made them better.

thank you x


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

Currently going through the same issue.

I started college about 3 months ago and have been doing great ever since. In my writing class, the teacher had asked me to have my research paper published in the school's magazine. However, recently, my anxiety and unreality flared up to a point where I'm spelling basic words wrong.

Honestly, anxiety can inhibit a lot, especially if you're obsessing over it. Our brain isn't using it's attention properly because we're always dedicating a lot of it to our ailments, unreality, and anxiety. So, I'm right there with you. It sucks because I feel like I have so much potential, but this damn anxiety / unreality is a huge hurdle for me right now.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Yes, it's absolutely ridicioulus, and i don't think any human can come close to understanding how debilitating it is, until they've experienced it themselves.


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## Vincentv (Dec 19, 2016)

it seems to me that you have become 'all mind' fleeing from an emotion that you did not dare to face. Just to make it it a simple as possble: f or a moment just imagine what happens when you become so amazingly afraid of an emotion? what would you do?? How would you react?? Wel... you would probably run as far away from it as possible. And well... so this is how we respond as dp-ers as well.. for us dp-ers the 'mind' is as far as we can gert from out emotions. Because it's the opposite direction. You would in danger never take a right turn or a left turn, you would run in a straight line away from the danger, right? And so now you are in a safe place away from that emotion and it makes you feel like you are 'all mind'. The part where it becomes a problem is knowing that in order to function we really do need emotions and feelings.... fro example if we have a contact we need empathy and sympathy and we need to understand... that last bit requires a lot of emotion. If subconciously we decided to run away from emotion and shut down that part altogether (what is very typical of dp) we willl have trouble with ven the most basic talks, because with every interaction with humans in life we absolutely need emotions. Very very true. You shut that part down because probable a trauma. Period. My opinion btw.. And so without the ability to identify or get on thesame frequency with people (name it empathy or sympathy - and you need that in your study and converstations and everyday contacts with people) you would feel numb and clueless because you can fysycally 'hear' but not truly 'understand'. Because to really and truly understand anoither person or follow a class, you need your feelings to work properly. And this the whole clue of my post, that you appartently had a trauma... shut down your feelings and tried to live without any feelings.

And you discovered that it causes alll sorts of problems and symptoms... this is what is called dp-disporder. It's a fancy name that in my opinion simply refers to us trying without the emotional feedback.  And we underestimate how importnat that emotional feedback is is in daily life, so it's no surprise we struggle with the most basic tasks!  Ofcourse it'd logical, we just shut down one of the most important senses that we need to function. Ans the key question is to ask yourself when you shot down an emotion, what emotion was that, what happened, and what do do about it?


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Sorry to hear about you other guys.

Has anything helped you? Or any meds?

Do you think it is jut severe anxiety-related? Or something else.....


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## Electron (Apr 5, 2017)

i know how that feels man.im currently studying to get into college and i honestly cant understand anything the teacher is trying to explain,i have a hard time understanding what i read or listen to unless i give 100% of my attention to it.,and thats not always easy.my memory is also bad.i forget what happens in class or what homework we had or what subject we were doing.its really horrible but im trying to find some answers.this is my first post on this site been lurking for 1.5 years now and thats how long ive had dp for.


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## seb029 (Aug 28, 2013)

Hello everyone, i haven't post here in a while but now i feel the need to do it just to say that you nailed it with this post Vincent ! At least in my case, i realised lately that i've been able to 'operate' mentally, i worked that part to not be blank when i do or say things to people while thinking all this time that i was not really myself and felt like a robot (not a nice feeling to have). I think anyway that in our state, it's hard to know when you are really yourself, if you know what i mean.

Just yesterday, i met a neighbour on the street and i didn't know how to behave, i felt cold and emotionless, just not myself and i thought that it was weird, fucked up even. And now that i've read your post Vincent, i realised that it was exactly my problem.

I totally blocked my emotions and feelings for a long time and need them to be myself again. I don't know exactly how to do that but i'll concentrate on feeling and expressing again from now on. You helped me so thank you Vincent ;-)


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## Kiwi89 (Mar 31, 2017)

Anyone else miss their creativity too?


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

My DP started almost three years ago, but the severe cognitive impairment didn't hit until about a year and a half in. So I've been dealing with it for about 18 months now, and nothing has helped me so far. It was pretty much an overnight thing, I remember from one day to the next not being able to recall things well or do anything that required planning or multiple steps. Granted it came at the tail end of my battle with alcoholism (I quit drinking when the impairment started). But with it came the most crazy anxiety. I'm not sure if that was part of the impairment itself or if it was my own reaction to the impairment, as I remember panicking about it a hell of a lot in the beginning. I got all crazy with trying remedies to fix it. Eating walnuts and salmon all day long in hopes of improving my brain function, stuff like that, lol. Since then I haven't really noticed any improvement along the way. I just kind of deal with it now. But it's not fun at all, and difficult to accept it as part of daily life. I struggle a great deal when it comes to focusing on conversations, TV shows/movies, and other basic day to day things. I can't count the number of times someone will tell me a story, and by the end of it, I won't remember who the story was about. I'll be like "and who is this?" at the end. It's crazy to think the brain can be this impaired without it being anything serious.

Overall I feel it makes DP an extra lonely place to be. When it comes to impairment like this, there's invariably a lack of understanding from those around you, since for a lot of people it seems to be Alzheimer's or nothing. Shoulder-shrugging from the doctors and psychs. Websites and clickbait ads with empty promises of curing your brain fog and cognitive impairment if you'll just type in your credit card details. Really feels like one fucking cruel joke of a world sometimes.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I'm with you 100 per cent. If you knew my story as well, you would see how cruel this life can be. Your last paragraph summed it up well.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Is this all caused by anxiety?

The big question is, can this be reversed? Or treated? I have trouble accessing simple memories. I am willing to try different things, because this is terrible. I wanted to be an academic. Now I would struggle to do the most simple job.


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> Is this all caused by anxiety?
> 
> The big question is, can this be reversed? Or treated? I have trouble accessing simple memories. I am willing to try different things, because this is terrible. I wanted to be an academic. Now I would struggle to do the most simple job.


Honestly, I believe anxiety can make simple brain functions struggle.

Our brains are working overtime because we have all of these fears that we have to pay attention to. In other words, our minds are in another place and that sharpness you get without anxiety isn't as great as it could be. For me, I have troubles writing how I used to. I spell things out phonetically now; for example, I spelled once like wonce. Things like that seem to be a byproduct of an overworked, exhausted, and tired mind - doubly so, if you have perpetual anxiety.

I'd say, lowering anxiety and finding a way to cope obsessive thoughts, unreality, and anxiety is a key factor in lowering it. Although, I think that's already obvious - and also easier said than done.


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## dolphin (Jun 3, 2016)

Yes, and because my DP started after an isolated episode of weed/alcohol use I fear that I have permanent brain damage. I've done all the medical tests (MRI, EEG etc) to confirm that my brain is in deed fine but I feel like brain damage is the only possible cause to explain this ... It's so devastating. I would never have thought it possible for something like this to happen to a person but it happened to me and it's entirely my fault.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

It sounds like you can still write sentences....mine is 10x worse than that. It literally feels like my head is stuffed, and made out of cotton wool.

There again, I don't know how bad your life is, but my anxiety and obsessive thoughts are through the roof. I think if it got worse I would die. You may have seen my story, that I have a really severe sex addiction and I get cravings and obsessive thoughts for that. I am waiting for a medication to take that down - assuming they will try a medication to reduce compulsive behaviour! I think that should really help things ALOT.

Like right now, my head feels like it will never be the old way it was again...but let's see. I have my Pregabalin medication right now. I am scared that there will be permanent neurochemical changes that mean I will never be as sharp, intelligent etc. What do people think about that?


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> It sounds like you can still write sentences....mine is 10x worse than that. It literally feels like my head is stuffed, and made out of cotton wool.


I struggle to write sentences still.

I have to consistently double-back and make sure that everything is organized. Typically, I spell words wrong or completely jumble a sentence into an incomprehensible mess. I get that feeling in my head too, but it's more of a constant fog. Behind that fog is someone that can articulate well, but the anxiety continues to cloud that judgement until I turn into someone that can't do basic forms of anything. This is what I think ends up happening to people that suffer from constant, perpetual anxiety. The chemicals that run through your body from the fight-or-flight response, as well as the obsessive thoughts that are almost co-morbid with that stress, makes the brain weak.

Although, I don't believe that anxiety would make your brain digress to a point where you actually backpedal from your previous point of intelligence.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

i hope not mate. i seriously hope not.


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## Salem (May 8, 2014)

I've had a lot of problems with this, but I have also had times when it wasn't as bad. It might be more related to depression for me though, because I feel like bupropion helped with this, as well as with some depressive symptoms. However, it did not help with DP/DR. (I think brain fog and depersonalization are even listed as possible side effects?) This last year it has gotten worse again, and I'm still on bupropion. It seems it might be getting better lately though. Not gradually. It's like the impairments are either on or off, and lately they've been off more often. So for me at least it is NOT a direct loss of intelligence, it's just about having access to it. It's like it's behind a wall. The wall can change in texture and solidity, but even if it's see-through and elastic, you still won't be able to touch what's behind it until you remove it.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Do you have the blank/empty mind version of DP? There are quite a few threads on here about it.

How are your cognitive abilities now? Mine are fucked, and I cannot access or have my previous level of free-flowing intelligence.

I do not want to live like this, but at 24, I do NOT want to die. I want a solution and I want to share it if I find it. What supplements or medications could be effective for this? What have people found to be good?

There has to be hope...


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Just thought i'd pop in and say i was exactly at that place, where i couldn't even form sentences. Sitting in front of the computer and type sentences, let alone work on my bachelor on IT (programming C, java etc..) was next to, if not actually impossible, and pretty much everytime i sat down and tried to do some work, i was left in a traumatic state just staring at the screen for a solid 10 minutes without achieving ANYTHING. It was actually a traumatizing feeling to stare helpless at the screen, unable to do shit, while knowing my education/future was literally flying out the window..........

Thank god i'm in a better place today where i can at least do basic stuff and make progress. Take it from me, you cna get your cognitive abilities back!


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

How did you improve? How did you get to this point where you are at now?


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## Silentless (Apr 22, 2017)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> Hello,
> 
> Has anybody had severe cognitive impairments, as a result of this. I mean to the point where simple memory is obliterated, can't do the most basic calculations and so on. I feel literally stupid. To put it in context, before my issues in 2015, my old professor advised me to think about taking his job one day. And he is a TOP scientist.
> 
> ...


This intrigues me, because even with experiencing DP, I still have pretty good cognitive abilities. I mean I can still do well in math, I can still play chess, videos games, read a text and understand it. I have noticed that these cognitive abilities have dimished tho, I'm not as good as I used to be in any of those things, but still am a functioning human being.

So I why wonder what would have caused such a drop in performance for you. There is a few things i think could be related to it.

Do you use any type of medication? Do you get sun light regularly? I have seem from other people's experience that using some medications can make them feel like a zombie mentally, and also lack of sun light is related to reduced mental performance.


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## kamil (Aug 24, 2014)

I feel the same. don't have enough thoughts to comment any more lol.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

kamil, have you got the blank mind as well?


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

Ssup. I will be in a hospital where the neurologists deal with very rare diseases. I will get SPECT scan and genetic tests at the beginning. I probably don't have DP but I share very similar symptoms (read in my description). AFAIK the blank mind in my case is connecteed to my prefrontal cortex (decreased activity).


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## kamil (Aug 24, 2014)

yea Hedgehog Fuzz, I do too


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

good luck michael, please let us know how it goes


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## <AGENT>teh345 (Apr 10, 2012)

Yes.

Recently my memory has been piss poor. I forget the simplest of shit and struggle to remember things sometimes, even that I had done earlier in the day. It is ridiculous and frustrating.


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## Brainfog_88 (Apr 8, 2017)

Hedgehog fuzz,

I don't know your full story but I can relate to how you feel. I was considered one of the smarter people in my circle and after a couple years of using Molly I finally developed the dp symptoms with blank mind. It was like all my life's experiences and knowledge left me that day and I was forced to start over except my memory was shit and I couldn't retain new information.

Long story short, I went through the ocd research phase which lead to the permanent brain damage phase which lead to the anxiety and depression phase and finally I considered suicide but I knew that I owed it to my old self to stick with living as long I could tolerate it. Now it's one year later and I'm doing 90% better and have no overwhelming anxiety or depression.

In order to get better I had to get a lot worse! The brain has to recalibrate. In doing so it must send you to the lowest of the lows and only then can you begin to relearn what happiness feels like. Your brain just moves the bar for what happiness is to you in a comparative way. So basically anything less than absolute misery is now a form of being happy yet by anyone else's standards that "happy" feeling would be like the worst depression.

Over time the length of being happy will increase and length of the anxiety and depression will subside. Eventually you'll get to where I'm at now which is nearly genuinely happy like I used to be. This process is like a series of steps. You'll go up a bit and platue and then go up some more and platue. It's taken me a year to get to this point with no pharmaceutical intervention.

I will say that none of this is possible until you control your anxiety. You have to break the cycle of getting anxious about your situation cause it is just a negative feedback loop. I know it's easier said than done cause it took me 7 months to beat it for good. What really helped me was a supplement called Theanine Serene. It has L-Theanine in it with some other good stuff. It was only after I took it that I noticed the ruminating thoughts disappeared. It was like all the negative thoughts, concerns and anxiety shut off for the first time in months. This aloud me enough time to break the feedback loop and start the healing process.

Unfortunately, I'm still recovering and I haven't gotten back all of much cognitive prowess or sharp memory but my quick witted self is slowly returning. I can't pinpoint what helped me reach this next level of recovery because it's only been 4 days since it started. I can only say that I started taking a 2500mg sublingual b12 supplement by jarrow and I also started taking 25mg of lamotrigine which is a commonly used medication for dp/Dr but also bipolar disorder. The lamotrigine's therapeutic dose must be titrated up to over the course of 6 weeks or so and hovers around 100mg to 200mg. For that reason I think the b12 supplement is doing most of the good right now but i can't say for sure cause like started them at the same time. I didn't think the impact would be so profound so I didn't bother to isolate their effects with a delayed administration.

I honestly can't say if I'll ever get back to my glory days but I can tell you I'm light years ahead of where I was when I first started this shitty journey. I can only hope that the trend continues upward. Hang in there and you'll undoubtedly make progress.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

I'm not an academic or a professor, but I am a journalist and write about financial markets and politics regularly. I also worked in radio last year writing scripts on complex topics including macroeconomic themes.

All while being HEAVILY depersonalised. It has improved for me over the years. I completed a masters and an undergraduate degree (not from great universities or anything but its something)..

I find it hard to believe people who say they can't do ANYTHING while having DP. If that is truly the case, I'd imagine you still haven't adjusted to the condition, and you are in that 'shock' phase which comes at the start when you contract it. I had this for a while when I first got it in 2010 after a few panic attacks.. I could barely communicate normally.

You need to let your over sensitive amygdala relax somewhat, stop being on heightened alert and then stuff will start to flow.


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