# Bad Trip in Amsterdam - Live Ruined



## pownder (Aug 14, 2016)

Dear all,

My name is Vinicius, I have been struggling for almost one year with mild depersonalization. That was the result of a misadventure/overdose with cannabis in Amsterdam. It was a bad trip which lasted for around 10 minutes and involved intense trauma, panic and a trance state. Afterwards I developed anxiety, insomnia, depression, fatigue and gradual sexual dysfunction. Of course I have the mild symptons, like my voice does not belong to me, time and space distortions, people seem to be artificial or robotic, thinking in frames, fake expressions of emotions, recurring images of what you have just done and so on.

I have tried medicines (olazanpine, lithium, donarem, lexapro) but they have not improved my condition. Lately I have been doing TMS in Brazil (already 11 sessions) without great success. I also have tried hypnose, natural herbs and so on. I have been for 3 weeks almost 90% fine, but symptoms have returned.

I would do anything to tackle this condition and would like to know if you can help me.

This is the most inhuman condition anyone can have. I lost my happy personality, I cannot have sex, I cannot drink with my friends, I only think about sleeping and so on. Does not matter how long I sleep I wake up tired and anxious. My professional life is very unproductive; I used to be a great lawyer. Social life is reduced to a minimum. What is the bloody purpose of living like this? What we have done to have such burden? Even worse parents, family and doctors dont have a fucking clue of what we are talking. I lost my critical sense, my in depth thinking, all that I have developed during my life.

I have seen on the forum dozens of techniques, connections with other diseases, vitamins, medicines, TMS, ECT and so on, but nothing with concrete and exact results. As far as I understood, the brain decides if wants to go back in track.

I am from Brazil. My Carnival is being spent on a psychiatric clinic doing TMS.

Basically this is my happy life.

Cheers!


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## Billy D.P. (Apr 12, 2016)

Adjust to DP is probably the most difficult part of the entire process, at least it was for me. I was the happiest I'd ever been in my entire life and then one day it just completely flipped and I was living in the worst hell I could ever imagine with no relief no matter where I looked or what I did. No words can describe what many of us go through, but if you live a healthy lifestyle, make peace with the fact you could be in this state for longer than you'd like and make a commitment to staying alive and beating it, you will find the path to acceptance more accessible than if you try and reject reality day in and day out. I know it's easier said than done but trust me, if you can somehow adjust to this new state of being and just make it through the day, then compile more and more of them, eventually you will find a day where you make it over the hump and see the light at the end of the tunnel.


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## pownder (Aug 14, 2016)

Thanks for the kind words Billy. I am seen no improvement in my condition, even with the TMS... Ah if I haven t taken that shot of marijuana... life would be at its full!

How long have you been with DP?

Cheers, VDV


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## Billy D.P. (Apr 12, 2016)

pownder said:


> Thanks for the kind words Billy. I am seen no improvement in my condition, even with the TMS... Ah if I haven t taken that shot of marijuana... life would be at its full!
> 
> How long have you been with DP?
> 
> Cheers, VDV


About two years now. I'm very lucky in that I have improved a lot over that period of time but I still have a long way to go before I'm fully healthy. The truth is one year isn't a lot of time in terms of DP. Lots of people have it for three, five, 10 years or even their whole life. If I were you I'd really try and exercise a lot, eat really healthy, talk to a therapist, stay busy, meditate and everything else that helps with DP and see where you're at in another year. You really have to give yourself time with this condition. Unfortunately it doesn't heal overnight.


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## devin44 (Nov 19, 2014)

Daily exercise will help. Try an hour of strenuous running/gym for a day for a month and see where that takes you. It may be that something starts to click back into place!


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## pownder (Aug 14, 2016)

Thanks friends! Another point that makes me crazy is no libido. I have to avoid hot chicks because I know I will fail. For a Brazilian Stallion this is a life sentence


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## Deb.B (Feb 22, 2017)

I can relate to this, I've had DP since the age of 13 and i am now 25. i take daily attacks or waves. When i was 18 i took a lot of hash cake and was stuck in a DP attack for 2 weeks straight. I agree with Billy, it can take so long and be really difficult to adjust and accept life with DP but once you do it can get easier to live with. DP itself is like a bad trip and when it happens i just have to let it be and distract myself as best as i can if it gets too much. The doctor who diagnosed me told me i will probably have this disorder for the rest of my life which was a tough to process but also relieved it finally had a name and other people have it.

I hope you keep your chin up and i know its so hard to always stay positive but you can do it and most importantly accept it


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