# What is this? I don't know anymore...



## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Okay so, it's gotten to the point where my brain feels paralyzed. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning because I can barely walk around in my room because I feel completely brain damaged. Nothing connects when I'm anywhere. It feels like I've completely lost touch with my senses. I can barely get dressed, take a shower, do ANYTHING because I just feel totally gone. This is not good. This has become severe. I cannot believe this is what my life has become. Could my brain be fucked up by meds? I'm so done looking for answers. I want my life back. This is NOT normal. And also, sounds seem far away and distant, loud noises make me feel even more disoriented and messed up, it hurts my brain or something. I don't know anymore. I must have the most severe DR ever or something else is seriously wrong here.


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## curlyradar (Nov 6, 2010)

oh my gosh melissa. I feel absolutely horrible for you. I don't post a whole lot, I mostly just read other's posts. I've been reading your posts for months now and it just seems like you can't catch a break. For the most part, everybody has their ups and downs, but it seems like you just keep going down. You make me feel awful, I wish to god there was something I could do for you. I'm so sorry.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I seriously felt exactly like that for the first couple of months of dp. I think you need to go backj to your doctor and express just how severe your dp has become since being on that medication. You did so well off of medication and now that you're on it, it's making you worse. I think there is a clear reason here.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Just want to make sure that I'm not going crazy, have anything crazy, mentally, wrong with me and that these are real symptoms of DR?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey Melissa I completely relate with what you are going through. I feel like I can't ignore your posts because I myself have been in your shoes and been just as terrified. I convinced myself for over 3 years that there had to be something wrong with my brain. I saw countless doctors, have had countless brain scans, bloodtests, etc etc etc. At first I was convinced that I had schizophrenia too. Just to put your mind at ease you do not have schizophrenia. If you have to ask if you are crazy you are not crazy. Someone who has schizophrenia would post something about people following them and how it annoys them (for example). Rather than insane, you are too sane. Too aware of reality to the point where things seem (off). I cannot be 100% sure that you don't have something wrong with you other than just DR which is a dissociative reaction to trauma, stress, anxiety, etc. However I can tell you that I do not respond much to posts about people who are looking for help (because I have yet to recover myself) however I feel as though I cannot ignore your posts because if you were to re-read mine from when I first joined this website I basically wrote the same things you are and have been just as terrified. I am no medical expert and don't know much about you but most likely if you relate to the criteria for DP/DR you do not have something wrong with your brain (though I know how much it feels like it). After 3 years of searching for a physical problem I realize that there isn't one.


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## Rusko (Oct 27, 2010)

Hey Melissa, I can absolutely assure you that you are not going crazy. If you truely were, you wouldnt be panicing about your symptoms







. Belive me, when I first got DR I felt the same way, I honestly thought I was either a) becoming schizophrenic, or







had a brain tumor/aneurism. I know its very hard to go about life day by day living with these symptoms, but you must, even if you have to force yourself to, because that is part of the recovery. It all comes down to (I know you've heard this 100 times but) accepting what your feeling. It is anxiety based and nothing more. The more you fight with it, analyze it, and question it, the stronger it gets. Anxiety is a real pain in the ass. Do you spend a lot of time on this site, or sites like this one? If so, I'd suggest you start taking some breaks from it, I know its nice to come on here and seek reassurance, but doing so only makes you think about your symptoms more, in turn making them worse. Seriously, get off your medication. Medication is only going to mask your symptoms, and when you come off medication, withdrawl effects will only make your anxiety return 10 fold. But seriously, I still think time and exercise are the best medicines. Natural>Synthetics. Instead of taking benzo's or an SSRI, try valerian root or st. johns wort. They have both been scientifically tested and offer the same results as Prozac or any other AD or SSRI. But I'm telling you, exercise is crucial. Exercise will naturally release endorphins in your body and make you feel good. I mean you can't argue with exercise, well cause its good for you







. All in all, your not crazy, at all. Because well, I thought the same things, and still do from time to time, but look, I havn't gone bananas







. I promise you, I really do, that one day down the road, your problems will be lifted. As time goes by, your symptoms will become less significant. I can say that cause well, Im living proof. Just like a panic attack, you DO have control over it. You have anxiety, nothing more. It can't control you, but you can control it. You know the quotes that go "When life hands you lemons..." Well think like this, anxiety has handed you lemons, so go make grape juice and see what it has to say about that.

Seriously, take care, you WILL get better.

Rusko


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Melissa_Z said:


> Just want to make sure that I'm not going crazy, have anything crazy, mentally, wrong with me and that these are real symptoms of DR?


I think we all believe that there is something seriously wrong with us that isn't dp or dr. I personally have had a brain scan, heart scan, testing for 30 different endorcrine and physiological conditions that can cause dp symptoms, and full blood work ups every 2 months. Everything has come back normal. The truth sit hat it IS just dr. I know that it feels horrible but it's all just dr.


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