# Getting worse



## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

I'm trying to be more optimistic in my posts, but recently i noticed that i'm falling into a deep hole of depression, i don't want anything, i've lost interest in life completely. Mostly i'm just sleeping all day and night, cause i don't feel that anything attracts my attention. I don't want to eat, to talk, to check facebook, to watch movies, nothing. I'm thinking about suicide more and more, but i'm scared of it. This hell of emptyness inside is just killing me. I have no idea what's the point of my living, i know i have to keep my family happy by being alive, but what's the point if i'm nothing and nowhere. Just like a rock with eyes. Anyone else is suffering from this? I don't know how to get out of it. I'm not talking about coming out of dp, it seems too complicated, but how to stop secondary depression? Is it possible to be not depressed in dp? The only good thing about it, that i'm eating just something light like salads and soups and started to lose weight quickly, which i gained during my dp period, but i'm not sure that i should be happy about that because i've lost any interest in food as well. I'm just a piece of meat with no reactions. I'm so scared that i can kill myself one day. I'm so tired to act, to pretend, to fake my feelings and reactions.i'm 32, life is so long and i can't imagine to live like that. I'm in a such despair. I told my husband that i'm very depressed, but he answered-just let it go, you don't need that. Very nice advice isn't it? But i don't blame him, he doesn't understand. I'm on ssri, but it was just reducing the symptoms of dp and never helped me with depression. But now it's too hard to cope. It feels like my head is empty, no brain, nothing.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I'm also really struggling with blank mind dp and have no desires for anything. Even when I check facebook, it's just a distraction to pass the time, while I'm actually suffering inside. I can't even watch tv. Do you also have blank mind dp, or is the emptiness from depression?

Anyway, please don't give up hope and do anything dangerous. You may want to look into NSI-189 for depression, perhaps. It seems to have helped lots of people where other meds haven't.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

M, I think that you should go back to your doctor and get this checked out. They might be able to switch meds or get you onto some therapy or something. I think it is fine to be depressed and completely understandable in our situations, especially because it sounds like a lot of us haven't got a clear route defined to get out of this.

Well done for fighting on. There is at least one person not he forum at all times who is in the same boat as us.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

If your SSRI was helping you up until now you may need a slight dosage increase...This can be the case from time to time when things are particularly difficult....When your feeling better you can definitely reduce it again...

Im currently coming out of a depressive episode myself so can totally understand how your feeling...It isnt nice to say the least...

I can guarantee that it will pass though....Either with time or with a little bit of medicinal help...

Definitely go talk to the doctor....Ask him about either a small dosage increase or an alternative drug...


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

There's depression, and then there's DP depression. It sucks and it is what it is. All i can think of you for now is keep trying meds to find something that helps. I have anti-psychotic and melatonin, both helps me sleep a great deal, so that has had a huge boost on both DP and depression. I have energy and am actually able to be presence for periods of the day. Also stuff like you're already doing, eating salads, losing weight, anything that is sort of fun because you're making progress and reaching some goals. it's good both for depression and it also helps you keep you grounded in reality so you feel real.

Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk more


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Thank you guys for your support. I had a conversation with my doc, he said we should change the medication, but he was very positive about me, and said that it's not a big deal to recover from this. I like him for supporting me and not saying that i'm in a shithole. I hope new meds will be better, though i can't complain about what i'm having now, cause it helped me with dp a lot. Today wasn't a very good day, but i didn't sleep, i was active all day and feel more alive. I'm really glad that i can rely on your kind words guys, when i'm at my worse. It means a lot to me????


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

It's disgusting, but today i found out that my son has lice, and i was absolutely busy to help him get rid of it, so i can say i didn't even think about dp, i was so concentrated on what i was doing. it was a relief seriously, thanks lice????????


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Marinkawr said:


> It's disgusting, but today i found out that my son has lice, and i was absolutely busy to help him get rid of it, so i can say i didn't even think about dp, i was so concentrated on what i was doing.  it was a relief seriously, thanks lice


Head Lice only colonise the cleanest of hair...So in fact instead of it being an indication of being unclean its actually the opposite...Its a good sign your childs hair is actually spotless...Lice amongst children is very very common...

Now the fact that it distracted you for the day is a great thing...The man upstairs certainly works in mysterious ways!!!


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Marinkawr said:


> Thank you guys for your support. I had a conversation with my doc, he said we should change the medication, but he was very positive about me, and said that it's not a big deal to recover from this. I like him for supporting me and not saying that i'm in a shithole. I hope new meds will be better, though i can't complain about what i'm having now, cause it helped me with dp a lot. Today wasn't a very good day, but i didn't sleep, i was active all day and feel more alive. I'm really glad that i can rely on your kind words guys, when i'm at my worse. It means a lot to me


The good news about depression is that it is far easier to treat with medicine than DP...So if you found meds helped with your DP the right med is for sure gonna help with any depression you are feeling...


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

I do hope so, i feel much better after a conversation with a doc, i think i'm gonna have some sessions with him from time to time, at least just to cheer me up a bit. Depression got a little bit better, can't say i'm interested in anything, but i don't feel completely empty. I was playing portable ice hockey with my family, had a nice breakfast and planning to go for a walk. It is such a tiny things but at least i'm not asleep and not hiding from dp. But you guys help me a lot. Eddy you seem very lovely person to me, thank you. I hope you will come out of your depression as well, i wish i could support you and ease your pain. As soon as i will try new med, i will let you know how is it. Have a good day everyone!????


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Marinkawr said:


> I'm trying to be more optimistic in my posts, but recently i noticed that i'm falling into a deep hole of depression, i don't want anything, i've lost interest in life completely. Mostly i'm just sleeping all day and night, cause i don't feel that anything attracts my attention. I don't want to eat, to talk, to check facebook, to watch movies, nothing. I'm thinking about suicide more and more, but i'm scared of it. This hell of emptyness inside is just killing me. I have no idea what's the point of my living, i know i have to keep my family happy by being alive, but what's the point if i'm nothing and nowhere. Just like a rock with eyes. Anyone else is suffering from this? I don't know how to get out of it. I'm not talking about coming out of dp, it seems too complicated, but how to stop secondary depression? Is it possible to be not depressed in dp? The only good thing about it, that i'm eating just something light like salads and soups and started to lose weight quickly, which i gained during my dp period, but i'm not sure that i should be happy about that because i've lost any interest in food as well. I'm just a piece of meat with no reactions. I'm so scared that i can kill myself one day. I'm so tired to act, to pretend, to fake my feelings and reactions.i'm 32, life is so long and i can't imagine to live like that. I'm in a such despair. I told my husband that i'm very depressed, but he answered-just let it go, you don't need that. Very nice advice isn't it? But i don't blame him, he doesn't understand. I'm on ssri, but it was just reducing the symptoms of dp and never helped me with depression. But now it's too hard to cope. It feels like my head is empty, no brain, nothing.


I am right there with you!! That's exactly how I am too. 35 and it feels like my life is completely over.


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