# New, and scared



## Juliette (May 12, 2011)

Hi all,

My name is Juliette, am from Amsterdam The Netherlands, and scared like hell. Have to appologize in advance for my english, It's not my first language, so will make some mistakes maybe. My story...
I'm 30 now, but got dr for the first time when I was 16. Had a stressfull periode and started hyperventilating. I had dr for a week, but when I had the hyperventilation under controle, the dr went away. The last 14 years I had hyperventilation every now and then, wich came together with the dr. But when I stopped hyperventilating, the dr dissapeared with it. Untill about a month and a half ago. I started hyperventilating again and the dr was there again. I can best describe my dr like seeing everything from behind a glass wall, like living a dream, nothing is real, my hands don't belong to me, everything is so far away, etc. Only this time, the dr did not go away when the hyperventilation stopped. It made me so scared, and I started panicing. For over a week I had major panic attacs, crazy and scary thoughts and could'nt even leave my house anymore.When I did leave my house, to go to the supermarket of just driving my car, I got panic attacs, because of the dr. I started panicing whene I woke up until I went to sleep. I ended up at my doctor who gave me oxazepam, a calming med. I took that 3 times a day and the panic attacs went away (am still taking them when I leave my home, about once or twice a day)... but the DR did'nt. It still is there 24/7, just went to see a psych, who thinks he can help me without meds. At this point I don't think anybody can help me anymore, don't know how to stop it.
I hope to find some people at this forum who recognize this. I want to find some peace, cause I truely believe that when I find some peace, it will help overcome this. But for now, I think I'm going crazy, its so difficult to be scared all the time, I'm so freaking tired.
Would love to hear from you.


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## Avalanche (Apr 14, 2011)

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## Juliette (May 12, 2011)

Hi Chris, 
Thanks for your quick response. It's nice to know someone actually reads your post







I've been reading this forum for a couple of days, so I already saw the piece (link) you've sent to me. And that is exactly what I am going to try to do now. Go on with my life and try to ignore it. At this point it seems so difficult though. But I try to have faith. 
Do you still have DP/DR? And how did you get it and deal with it?

Juliette


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## Juliette (May 12, 2011)

Oh Chris, by the way, I saw in your posts that you are starting CBT, I started it last week, for the first time. Somebody reccomended it to me. I had my first session, we did'nt really started the therapy yet, that will happen next week, but I am very curious to see if it's helping you, I hope it will. For me too offcourse








Keep me posted...


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## Avalanche (Apr 14, 2011)

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## Juliette (May 12, 2011)

Good for you, that you shared it with him. Sorry to hear about your loss. I will start with the CBT next tuesday and also already had my first meeting, in witch I had to share some of my past with him. And you are right, it feels like a releaf. I have a good feeling about this therapy, and hope It will help you too. 
Good luck and we will keep each other posted.
Take care, be strong.


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## Avalanche (Apr 14, 2011)

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## Stoic (May 12, 2011)

Juliette,

Be strong, have faith. A happy heart is a mighty defense. If nothing else you can learn to cope with this awful condition.

If you have to continue taking the medicine for panic, then by all means keep taking it. But if the panic subsides then try to stay away from the medicine. Benzodiazepines, the class of medicine you and I both take, tend only to be effective in the short term while in the long term do no good at all. I'm addicted to clonazepam and it does nothing for me.

I find prayer helps. Spirituality is a strong relief. Not a cure, but a relief.

I hope the CBT works out and that you will quickly find peace.


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## Juliette (May 12, 2011)

Thank you so much for your message stoic, and I am trying to have faith, as difficult as that is right now. But your message really did me good.
You are so right about the medicines, but I'm sad to hear you are addicted to them right now. Anybody helping you to stop it?
I try not taking them when I feel just a littlebit better, or when I know I can stay at home.

You to keep faith and keep praying, I'm doing that now every day.


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

Hi and welcome. Despite what people sometimes say about this forum, making you dwell on your symptoms and all that, it has helped me greatly in giving me the peace of mind that I am not alone. Many people, including doctors do not fully understand, but we are a community who do- completly understand.

My main advice to you is DONT BE AFRAID. Easier said than done, i know. This is a very cmomon disorder caused by very physical bodily reactions and processes, and the highest amount of recovery cases arrise because the person has truly freed themselfs of fear.

DR was my first and strongest symptom, which came on with migraines belived to have been caused by a two year traumatic relationship. I am different to you and many others on here because I do not suffer from anxiety or panic.. although saying that, maybe I do? The sheer fear of being ill, is what I have come to accept may be the reason that I have not totally rid myself of it yet. I dont THINK im afraid, however deep down it eats away at me.

If you can get a good therapist or doctor then go for it. I am considering the possibility now, as I have about expounded every other physical cause. Money holds me back however.

Good luck


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## Juliette (May 12, 2011)

Hi, and thanks for your reaction. I agree, it's a reassuring (do you write it like that?) feeling to know that you are not alone. It helps a lot to get rid of the thoughts that you are going crazy. 
If you know that deep down it eats away at you, and you are on this forum, there probably is something of fear inside of you. Or maybe it's not fear, but it's constantly on your mind, because it's there, and thinking about it keeps it going as well, fear or no fear. So I truelly believe that focussing your mind on something else wil eventually help you overcome it. But also this is easyer said then done. 
I don't know where you're from, but don't you have insurance for a therapist? I really think you should go, nothing to loose I guess.

Good luck, keep me posted


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

Juliette said:


> Hi, and thanks for your reaction. I agree, it's a reassuring (do you write it like that?) feeling to know that you are not alone. It helps a lot to get rid of the thoughts that you are going crazy.
> If you know that deep down it eats away at you, and you are on this forum, there probably is something of fear inside of you. Or maybe it's not fear, but it's constantly on your mind, because it's there, and thinking about it keeps it going as well, fear or no fear. So I truelly believe that focussing your mind on something else wil eventually help you overcome it. But also this is easyer said then done.
> I don't know where you're from, but don't you have insurance for a therapist? I really think you should go, nothing to loose I guess.
> 
> Good luck, keep me posted


Totally agree. And your English is good! I'm actually British, however I was refered to psychotherapy but discharged by them, as I was not 'ma', but simply 'unwell'. This at first, was a relief but of course as time goes on you wonder, 'Why am i not better yet'?

Each session privatly would cost about 40 pounds and of course, I do not have insurance because I'm NHS. A no win situation! Let me know how yours gos though.. I may raise the money!


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## Juliette (May 12, 2011)

For sure I will keep you posted about the therapy, but I guess that in can work for me, but may not for you, or the other way around. I think you will have to do whatever suits you the best, and I guess that raising money for you getting better, whatever kind of therapy that may be, is well worth it. But go talk, go find out, work on getting better, I know I don't want to stay like this for much longer!!


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## foghat (Jan 1, 2011)

just to share that is a big step. I have a family memeber going thru some of the same. Much love to you


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

Juliette said:


> For sure I will keep you posted about the therapy, but I guess that in can work for me, but may not for you, or the other way around. I think you will have to do whatever suits you the best, and I guess that raising money for you getting better, whatever kind of therapy that may be, is well worth it. But go talk, go find out, work on getting better, I know I don't want to stay like this for much longer!!


So true! I know, sometimes I can live with it and other times I get fraustrated because Ive just had enough. I'll try some more 'free' options first then I may try it.

Good to talk to you and I wish you the best of luck


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## Juliette (May 12, 2011)

foghat said:


> just to share that is a big step. I have a family memeber going thru some of the same. Much love to you


Thank you so much! Hope your family member gets well soon, good of you to support!


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## Stoic (May 12, 2011)

foghat said:


> just to share that is a big step. I have a family memeber going thru some of the same. Much love to you


In hoc veritas! I have found myself feeling better since I sat down on these forums and fully, completely detailed my decade of DP/DR. And I feel great knowing that maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to help someone. This place is very therapeutic, I think.


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## Juliette (May 12, 2011)

Stoic said:


> In hoc veritas! I have found myself feeling better since I sat down on these forums and fully, completely detailed my decade of DP/DR. And I feel great knowing that maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to help someone. This place is very therapeutic, I think.


Oh yeah, I really believe that that can help! This forum is helping me a lot. And even though i'm not recoverd (YET), I get a lot out of helping (or trying to help) others. Thank god for this site lol


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