# I'm new to DP



## Dear Diary (Sep 14, 2009)

Just to let you know, i'm a 14 year old boy. I've been feeling what everyone calls depersonalization for 3 months since June. It all started one night when i was out at the backyard with my older half-brother. To make things shorter here, he was smoking weed and I got high off of the smoke, I guess you can call that secondhand smoke or something like that because I didn't take a hit from the weed. I had a terrible reaction to it, I was so scared and I kept telling my brother if it would go away and if how long would it take to go away. He said to stop worrying because that's what it's supposed to feel like. I decided to just go to sleep (had a hard time sleeping) and the next morning, I woke up with my head hurting. I was kind of grumpy, don't know why though. Then, after breakfast I got a panic attack, felt very unreal for a while, and ever since that moment i've felt DP. It's been 3 or 4 months since then, i've completely forgotten what it's like to feel real. The first 2 weeks I had this I spent most of my time in my room, cried a few times because I was so scared and I had no idea what was wrong with me and I didn't want to let my mom know what happened (I still didn't tell her how it started, about the whole weed thing. She just knows I have this).
I had the worst summer, it was more like hell instead of a vacation. And still today i'm feeling it. I feel fake, weird, dreamlike, it seems like something's wrong with my eyesight, I forget things very easily so I have a bad memory loss, and there's no point in life (I forgot to mention that i've had depression since i was 12).
I'm so eager to get out of this state, but recovery seems very far away.
I want some tips on how to deal with this. If you have any please tell me.
Also, am I stuck this way forever? Can I go back to feeling like i've always felt before this whole mess?
Thank you so much for reading.

P.S. My mom hasn't taken me to the doctor, and she doesn't plan on doing so.....


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

No you are not stuck like this forever and yes you can go back to the way things were. It may or may not happen on its own though. Tips are general health tips really, Excercise (but not too much) drink lots of water (bottled if you are in america) eat healthy and regularly to keep your bloodsugar up, sleep regularly, be social and friendly, do NOT take any drugs,legal or illegal, including weed, the human brain is not fully developed until sometime in the mid 20?s and science is lacking to say the least on how drugs affect the "un-finished" brain. This is why I am so pissed at my then doctor for putting me on Prozac when I was like 14 (I am 22 now) but thats another story. Also, do not be afraid. If it gets to a point where you feel you really REALLY need medication you should try and get anxiety-killers, aka benzodiazepines, aka Valium Xanax Klonopin etc. Just dont get addicted.

Take it easy dude, and welcome to the forum. Another tip, dont lurk this forum TOO much  that also goes for the internet in general.

Now, if only I could follow my own advice... Cus I barely feel alive/conscious.


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## WyWy (Sep 14, 2009)

I know exactly how you feel. You are not dizzy but you are lightheaded, correct? I've had it for a while until I took ativan (generic version of Xanax). Marijuana does wonderous things to the human body and I don't recommend it to anyone who has an anxiety disorder because it can increase your anxiety/cognitive process. You will be fine, I promise.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Ativan is actually Lorazepam, and Xanax is Alprazolam. So Ativan is not a generic version or any version of Xanax. Just wanted to clear that up incase it helps.


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## Tommygunz (Sep 7, 2009)

inzom pretty much hit the nail on the head dude, but to add to it, don't let the fear get to you. when you start to get scared or anxious about it, find a way to distract yourself, anything that you know will require concentration. for example video games help me. and when you feel comfortable and ready face that fear and defeat it. thats what i did and i have almost made a full recovery in just over a week.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey dude sorry to hear this all happened to you, sounds like you've been having a harsh summer. The path of depersonalization is a rough one and it's duration unknown for each person. Stay away from marijuana as this can prolong you on your journey of healing. Best of luck from someone who knows what it's like.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Inzom said:


> drink lots of water (bottled if you are in america)


Sir I believe this belongs in the "A torch" thread.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Sir I believe it does and it is a shame that we have messed that thread up Sir!


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Sir, I have a question, but will post it in the "A torch" thread since that seems to be the place for American/European affairs.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Inzom said:


> (I am 22 now)


 Shit, you're only 22? I thought you were old, like me.. That's depressing. No wonder your beard is thin.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

DONT BE TALKING BOUT MAH BEARD WOMAN!


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Just kidding, Im gonna give up and shave it soon. And you dont look old. I?d say around 20.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Inzom said:


> I?d say around 20.


Really? 20? I think she looks more like 19.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Dont be disrespectin? ******!

Btw I just shaved, Feels so good. looks better too. In retrospect I can now see how it kindof looked like two somethings out of a 70?s porno was growing on one designated cheek each, without RESPECTING eachother enough to grow together at the chin. Im not that self-conscious (lol hows that for irony on this forum) about my appearance but suffice to say You will not be granted BEFORE pictures. I?m planning to start making some kind of video-blog called "Inzom?s world of awesomeness" tho, where I talk about very important stuff like this, and review films and whatnot, So you might have the privilege to see the AFTER there. But this project has no ETA.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

No disrespect intended Sir. It was a mere observation that Anne appears to look young. I have shaved my facial hair, as well as my head and find it much more comforting to have short hair than long. I do miss having long hair every now and then though.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Sir, please have a seat over there. Are you saying that I, by saying that she looked *around* 20, are saing that she looks older than what you describe as 19? Well thats just outright a disgrace Good Sir, as most mathematicians around the world would accept the theory of "around 20* to include an X factor, and what we then need to establish is just how much in the lines of minus20 or plus20 this X-factor represents, but I think it would be safe to assume that we would all come to the conclusion that the number of 19 is included in that spectrum.

Now show some goddamn manners and stop talking about a womans age, hippie.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Well thank you guys. It's amazing what Photoshop and bathing in virgin blood can do for ya. I guess I look a bit younger than 30, as my new neighbor met me and my 6-yr old son the other day and said "What? I thought you were his older sister!"... I'm not sure I liked that. When I told her I also have a baby son she looked like she couldn't decide on if she wanted to drag me to church or slap me. Thankfully she was very polite and just stared.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Inzom said:


> Are you saying that I, by saying that she looked *around* 20, are saing that she looks older than what you describe as 19?


Yes


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