# I can feel it



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I think I've finally reached to barrier with my night time medication where it is no longer effective. Despite changing my night time falling asleep from 20 minute to an hour and half, it also means that I wake up without it in my system in the morning and I swear to you that I feel closer to reality. For so long I've looked at dp as sort of like another universe that I had to find a way out of, some porthole to crawl through or go through some process of assention into the realm of reality. Now I can truly see that it isn't the case at all. It just sort of feels like sobbering up when you've had too much to drink. Just like a veil is lifting and everything starts to feel smoother and more relaxed. Reality isn't in another world. It's all around. I just have to come off the dp drug and I can see clearly.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Woah, I could have written that! It's the same with me! My nighttime meds aren't working the same way anymore, and I'm beginning to wonder if benzo's can keep you dp'd? It's bothering me that the two other times I've had dp like this (chronic)I haven't used meds and I've recovered a lot faster. Now I haven't got a clue if recovery is even a possibility, even though I def have gotten better. What I was going to say, is that I too have had moments of clearity, only seconds, and reality is just so REAL. And good! And easy to be in... And it IS all around you, it's just you (we) that have a bad connection at the moment. I also used to (and still sometimes do I guess) believe dp was some sort of other dimension almost, like a physical place, as it feels so different (as we all know). But reality isn't something you have to find your way back to, it's just _there._ I didn't create reality, but I created this shit I'm lost in now.
That's why when you recover you don't have to make an effort to hold on to it, and you don't really remember dp, because dp is the illusion (brought on by both bio and psych) and reality is.. Well.. _Real._ Isn't it weird how we all go on about reality like it was Atlantis or something? Sometimes (side-tracking, sorry) I (what I'm about to write is terrible, don't hate me) look at other people.. People less fortunate even, and I just think like.. How come even they know how to exist? To feel life? To think and act? All kinds of people, people with Downs (sorry, I'm just honest, there's a home for people with Downs just down the road..), I'm looking at them like they have 3-D glasses to a 3-D movie, and I have an eye-patch and can only detect green. I'm rambling, but yeah. Reality, it's out there, man. And it's better than you remember.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

york said:


> Woah, I could have written that! It's the same with me! My nighttime meds aren't working the same way anymore, and I'm beginning to wonder if benzo's can keep you dp'd? It's bothering me that the two other times I've had dp like this (chronic)I haven't used meds and I've recovered a lot faster. Now I haven't got a clue if recovery is even a possibility, even though I def have gotten better. What I was going to say, is that I too have had moments of clearity, only seconds, and reality is just so REAL. And good! And easy to be in... And it IS all around you, it's just you (we) that have a bad connection at the moment. I also used to (and still sometimes do I guess) believe dp was some sort of other dimension almost, like a physical place, as it feels so different (as we all know). But reality isn't something you have to find your way back to, it's just _there._ I didn't create reality, but I created this shit I'm lost in now.
> That's why when you recover you don't have to make an effort to hold on to it, and you don't really remember dp, because dp is the illusion (brought on by both bio and psych) and reality is.. Well.. _Real._ Isn't it weird how we all go on about reality like it was Atlantis or something? Sometimes (side-tracking, sorry) I (what I'm about to write is terrible, don't hate me) look at other people.. People less fortunate even, and I just think like.. How come even they know how to exist? To feel life? To think and act? All kinds of people, people with Downs (sorry, I'm just honest, there's a home for people with Downs just down the road..), I'm looking at them like they have 3-D glasses to a 3-D movie, and I have an eye-patch and can only detect green. I'm rambling, but yeah. Reality, it's out there, man. And it's better than you remember.


I'm glad that someone else gets it! Tommy told me that Charles Linden said in his book that benzos will trigger and sustain dp/dr in people with Anxiety. I have had this feeling that the benzos were keeping me from recovering. I had dp once before and I also recovered without benzos. I've been on them for a year now but what I do remember is that, at the beginning of my dp, I would only take them when I absolutely had to but I hated it because it made me feel worse. I remember that it would take like 3 days for it to clear out of my system and then I would feel better, like closer to reality. That was back when I could clearly remember what reality was like. So I have hope that having the benzos gone will speed my recovery.

I totally know what you are saying about other people getting to experience reality. I have often said that I think that we have it worse than people who have cancer. I mean yeah, they are facing death but they also get to live in reality. We are living out of reality and want to die but can't. I'd take the cancer and reality over the relative health and dp. I know that's really screwed up but it's how I feel.

But yeah, it's good to know that someone understands what I mean about feeling like reality is on another plane or something. You are right that it's all around and we just have like beer goggles on or something. It just takes sobbering up to be able to see that our experience was just skewed by the chemicals in our brains. We never left reality. We've just been drunk in the middle of it.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I just wanted to say really quickly that I agree with what you are saying. It's so noticable now how many "problems" healthy people have, and sometimes I just want to scream when I have to listen to it.


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