# I have a very, very, deep question.



## jake.krupa (Oct 5, 2013)

Long story short, 5 months ago I made pot brownies way too potent. Ate a big one. Had an anxiety attack. Got DP/DR. You all know the rest.

I am past the anxiety (%99 atleast).

I sometimes have trouble falling asleep due to the anxiety itself.

I feel lost in my own body, universe, reality, everything.

Existential thoughts come and go, but I know for sure I am regaining myself.

I have a major and VERY deep question though, maybe some of you brain guru's and spiritual people can help me out with this one because I know for DAMN sure when I figure it out I will be able to turn the key and let myself out of this cage that ive been in for 5months.

Where do thoughts come from?

That's it.

Im torn between my Spirit and true human being self.

I am constantly wondering what is in control...my brain, or my Spirit...

I feel like I am trapped on this earth, and my biggest fear is not existing and death. It really throws me for a loop.

I don't know how to stop the thought cycle.

I just want to re-gain reality and enjoy my life.

Love - Jake


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## retep (Mar 19, 2013)

jake.krupa said:


> I have a major and VERY deep question though, maybe some of you brain guru's and spiritual people can help me out with this one because I know for DAMN sure when I figure it out I will be able to turn the key and let myself out of this cage that ive been in for 5months.
> 
> Where do thoughts come from?


You asking the question is not the cure to your problem, it is part of the problem. 
No one gets answers to existential questions from sitting in a room wondering all day long, "where does thought come from, and if I don't get the answer I will stay in this hell forever". Even if you did get some answer that half way satisfied you, you would find another existential question that you believe would be the key to your freedom.
We only get answers to our deep questions from a life of experiences of doing good interesting things, another words, being engaged in life. If you do that, then you might ask yourself on a day that this question holds little importance to your well being "where do thoughts come from?" And then you might get the answer that satisfies you as you wish to feel right now.

And that answer might just be:

"I don't know, who gives a f**k."
Or something a bit more profound, and not give it a second thought.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

In depersonalization ... You are disconnected from ur thought and mental processes it's just a symptom of dp


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## skin (Aug 30, 2013)

missjess said:


> In depersonalization ... You are disconnected from ur thought and mental processes it's just a symptom of dp


off topic:i read you was on lexapro missjess and i wanted to ask how did they worked for you cus i want to strart taking them?


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## themaxx10 (Nov 20, 2013)

As retep says, answering the question won't solve your problem and make you feel better. When you don't have DP/DR, it doesn't generally occur to you to ask these questions, because everything naturally "just works".

The reality is that the brain is enormously complicated, Solomon mentions many factors. There are parts of our brain and consciousness that are volitional, some that are not, some that seem they are but are not, and probably some that seem they are not but actually are.

But none of that is the actual problem. As Solomon says, "The thoughts are probably stemming from something, so find out what that something is and then fix that problem."


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

skin said:


> off topic:i read you was on lexapro missjess and i wanted to ask how did they worked for you cus i want to strart taking them?


Yes I was a long time ago when I had severe anxiety...they helped a lot for that and also depression. I didn't go past 15mg because I felt kinda numb and they made me yawn a lot like I was yawning every 10 minutes or so


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## Sike25 (Apr 30, 2012)

SolomonOrlando said:


> Your brain is in control - your thoughts come from several different parts of your brain, all inside your existing conscious mind. These thoughts can stem from:
> 
> 
> Knowledge.
> ...


We're talking about thought in general. I know you are really educated on this so I would like to know what you think. Is me questioning where does thought come from part of feeling disconnected from my thoughts or did I realize that thoughts aren't my own?


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## Sike25 (Apr 30, 2012)

I used to and id be lying to say I don't think about it and become disturbed. But I still wonder where does thought come from?


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## Sike25 (Apr 30, 2012)

SolomonOrlando said:


> just relax and allow yourself to be human.


Great advice haha thank you


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## Gfeathers (Nov 17, 2013)

For me, i found staying completely away from street drugs, including hash/weed, or even legal weed probably, was very necessary, as it encouraged those kind of stuck to the chair, missing my life, kind of questions to which you were refering. Take care man.


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## Guest (Jan 8, 2014)

this is difficult. it goes to "what is consciousness" this is what we may not ever understand. many ways of looking at it. it is like the existential questions. "what is life?" how can this be answered?


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## tracy (Jul 2, 2013)

I had a very similar question running through my head every second of the day when i was in about the middle stage of my recovery. heres my advice 

You will never be able to answer this question in the state that you are in, if someone even had the answer and told it to you, you still would not beable to grasp and understand it because you are in a huge state of disharmony. In my personal opinion the cure to dp is to bring harmony and connection back to your body mind and spirit, if you do this then the question you are asking will not need to be answered because you wouldn't be asking it in the first place. when you are in a state of harmony you just organically on some level understand the answer to this question, sure you may still ponder the question, like we ponder the question what is life but these questions cannot be answered with the type of literal answer you are looking for.

nurture every aspect of yourself and you will heal from this, here's my tips if your interested

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/44539-everything-that-helped-me-recover-from-dp/

feel free to ask me any questions 

"We know nothing at all. All our knowledge is but the knowledge of schoolchildren. The real nature of things we shall never know." - Albert Einstein


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## jake.krupa (Oct 5, 2013)

Thank you for all the responses and insights. I really do appreciate them.

However, I am now %100 worse.

The anxiety is starting to come back, I know how to keep itat bay though. I'm going through a very very very very very rough time in my life atm, probably the hardest time I will ever have to go through without a doubt.

I'm not taking meds, fuck that.

I am somewhat half tempted to see a psychologist...although I went to one after I started having the DP, she didn't understand it too much. But now that I am past the DP and fully-blown onto existenialistic obsessive thought patterns, I may try a different approach and/or therapist.

It's really to hard to explain where my mind goes sometimes guys...like honestly.

Do you ever have the thought of a thought of a thought being a thought...?

I snap myself back in to present "time". It helps. But the thoughts seem to come from nowhere. And the fact that I have thoughts are fucking weird. Life is fucking weird. Reality is REALLY fucking weird. I just don't understand it, why can't our weak human brains figure out what the fuck all of this means?

Im still torn of which is control at all times...my soul or my body.

Thinking about death really trips me the fuck out too. Why are we even here if we die? Honestly, why the fuck are we even here? Whydoes this type of thought pattern even exist if its this fucking terrifying? What kind of sick joke is that?

I know one thing for god damn sure...when I die, the first person or entity I see, the first words out of my soul are going to be "WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?"

I am shocked that people can live their everyday life, working 9-5, take out the trash, mow the lawn, take the kids to daycare, go out to dinner, watch the Kardashians and not wonder ONE FUCKING TIME in their life what the hell this really is or what's going around them...HOW? It blows my mind.

I'm just really god damn confused and stressed and honestly pissed off that I've become this way in my human life...and when I try to talk to people about it they don't know what the fuck to say or do. Life has me by the fucking balls.

Sorry for the rant. Its not like this thread matters anyways because I'll die eventually and everything that happened in my life will mean nothing. It seems like a massive waste of time. Like someone or something is controlling my life and im just on autopilot. Or this whole universe is just a fucking computer program being run and im a robot following protocol on the script. Yet we somehow can tell ourselves "nooo bro, you have youre own thoughts and you can move your left hand in the air *waves left hand in the air* so it MUST be real".

What. The. Fuck. Is. Reality?


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## Legitlex_ (Feb 8, 2014)

I felt like I was the only one who thought this too. Like our my thoughts who I am or is my brain? It actually freaks me out,


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## lauras (May 13, 2012)

You choose what you focus on. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but if you start making a decision to focus on something else, right now, and keep doing that, you will get better. Read books, meditate, go somewhere where you're forced to socialize frequently about ordinary things. Keep ignoring intrusive thoughts.

Stop asking the existential questions by choosing to not engage these thoughts. Let them be. You pick something that you're avoiding, you do it, and you do it no matter what thoughts or emotions come your way.

If you have an mp3 player or something, download some self-help audio about focus/making decisions/etc. Tony Robbins would be a perfect choice. Listen to it all the time. You need to internalize that thought process until it's habitual. Scary thought? Great, what am I going to have for breakfast this morning? Everything feels meaningless? Wonderful, let's make a list of 10 things I'm grateful for and then go take a walk outside.

The littlest things mean everything. That is, you don't have to take huge actions to get big results. Little actions make a big difference. Just making a few, small choices (that are the right choices) can change everything.

"I'm just really god damn confused and stressed and honestly pissed off that I've become this way in my human life."

You're adding suffering on top of your suffering. You're not seeing things as they are, accepting them, and moving on. You're creating pain by focusing on what you think these thoughts or emotions say about who you are. They say nothing. They're thoughts. They're emotions. Those can change, everything can change for you, you have the power to make it change.

"I snap myself back in to present "time". It helps. But the thoughts seem to come from nowhere. And the fact that I have thoughts are fucking weird. Life is fucking weird. Reality is REALLY fucking weird. I just don't understand it, why can't our weak human brains figure out what the fuck all of this means?"

Of course it helps. You're not engaging with thoughts that make you feel bad, you're choosing to be happy every time you focus on the present moment. They don't come from nowhere, they come from you, and they are 'coming' because they are a habit. It's not weird you have these thoughts, it's totally normal. Look at all the other people on this forum with these types of thoughts. Feeling weird =/= life is weird. Fearless is right, that's emotional reasoning. And as for the last part, it means you are taking these thoughts seriously. Go back to what you first said - you said the present moment helps. That's where you need to focus. What do you need to do to stay in the present moment? That's a question worth asking.

"Life has me by the fucking balls."

You still don't believe you're in control. Life isn't doing this to you, you're doing it to yourself.

I've heard thinking described as just this Q & A dialogue in our heads. Ask the right questions and you get answers that move you forward. Ask unanswerable questions (when in a poor emotional state) and you get stuck in a loop. Ask bad questions, "why am I so useless", and you get bad answers. You don't have to start some big positive thinking project, just keep trying to improve the questions that you ask yourself.


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## Mira (Feb 15, 2014)

When you ask where your thoughts are, what lens do you imagine seeing the answer through? What kind of "where"? The location of your thoughts is not opaque to you... Really, there is nothing about your consciousness, your spirit, your mind, that is opaque to you.. there is no thought without the seeing of thoughts... so you know exactly where and what they are. Those distinctions between body, brain, mind, spirit, those are just thoughts, names, ways of abstractly organizing our understanding of things... the things 'in themselves' (brain, spirit) are not organized through our ways of conceptualizing them... Its all exactly where it is, and no where else...


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