# I'm losing my fucking mind.



## Infrared

Well, I've been lurking here for a while and thought I'd sign up.

The main reason behind this thread is just sheer desperation.

In a nutshell, I feel like my brain is severely damaged. Not just in terms of dissociation, I mean quite literally damaged. I feel like my brain has turned to mush over the past few years. I'm no longer articulate (something I had always prided myself on), I can't remember anything and I feel dumb as fuck. I feel like I'm a half-step above being a vegetable, I can't "hear" my thoughts (if that makes sense) and I feel as if my mind is just.. blank.. all the fucking time.

I know you're constantly hearing attention seekers constantly whining about wanting to kill themselves and I hate to add to the constant barrage of bore, but seriously, I feel like I'm on the verge of actually fucking doing it.

I'm currently on 60mg of Mirtazapine daily and the depersonalization hasn't let up at all.

What the fuck can I do?


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## optimusrhyme

Im in the EXACT same situation as you man.. we gotta hold on... even though this shit is tough as fuck too live with.. my advice would be to take Omega 3's daily (the higher the EPA the better). Maybe get your psychiatrist to prescribe you an amphetimine like Dexedrine/Adderal... also you should get tested for Lyme disease..

If you have silver fillings in your teeth, look too have them removed and replaced with something safer (silver fillings have mercury in them which is a neuro toxin)..

Practice Meditation daily.. Exercise..

I dont really know what else too say man, ive been searching and searching for an answer to this problem forever.. Its soo damn tiring...

I wish you well my friend, you can PM me if you need too talk.


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## chelsy010

Hey Infrared, sorry to hear that you are at such a low point right now. I know it sucks, dp feelings feel like a serious mental disease thats destroying our brain. All your symptoms I have had or still having. It does get better the road back to normality is possible. I will send you a link that has been helping me here in a minute. After you read it, just remember easy does it, just take baby steps each day. Keep your head up


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## chelsy010

* The Holy Grail of Curing DP/DR - Depersonalization & Derealization ...*


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## Dgaffney89

Hey man Im right there with ya to I feel like my brain is mush and i feel like a fucking nut case as well it fucking sucks. From what Ive gathered online of what to do is to avoide alcohol drugs exercise eat healthy take supplements and see a fucking doctor. But my problem is mine started after i smoked a joint the worse idea i have ever had in my life so i started taking Pain killers for relief and it worked for months honestly it made me feel great but now im addicted and idk if it made it any bad or damaged more so yea man im with ya if you guys hear anything let me know. BTW idc ill give out my email facebook or phone if anyone needs someone to relate to in this shit i know i can use someone


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## Letgoandletgod

Optimusrhyme said:


> Im in the EXACT same situation as you man.. we gotta hold on... even though this shit is tough as fuck too live with.. my advice would be to take Omega 3's daily (the higher the EPA the better). Maybe get your psychiatrist to prescribe you an amphetimine like Dexedrine/Adderal... also you should get tested for Lyme disease..
> 
> If you have silver fillings in your teeth, look too have them removed and replaced with something safer (silver fillings have mercury in them which is a neuro toxin)..
> 
> Practice Meditation daily.. Exercise..
> 
> I dont really know what else too say man, ive been searching and searching for an answer to this problem forever.. Its soo damn tiring...
> 
> I wish you well my friend, you can PM me if you need too talk.


I wouldnt practice meditation. In fact meditation is what cause me the depresionalization in the first place. I was an avid meditator, many hours a day for many years. Went on a 10 day intensive retreat and poof I dissapeared! Started freaking out, nervous breakdown... you know the drill.

Personally i find any type of yoga, mediation, accupuncture, ETF and massage just increases the symptoms.


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## thedreamingtree

Letgoandletgod said:


> I wouldnt practice meditation. In fact meditation is what cause me the depresionalization in the first place. I was an avid meditator, many hours a day for many years. Went on a 10 day intensive retreat and poof I dissapeared! Started freaking out, nervous breakdown... you know the drill.
> 
> Personally i find any type of yoga, mediation, accupuncture, ETF and massage just increases the symptoms.


Interesting.

Would you be able to provide some more insight about this? I was considering looking into forms of meditation in order to relieve some of my anxiety/depression, reign in my existential thoughts, and find some sense of peace. I do not want to exacerbate my DP/DR symptoms, however.

Also, for anyone else who's practiced meditation, does this ring true for you as well?


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## drose

This is a normal feeling with DP and DR. Just found that out on here about three weeks ago and literally teared up with relief.







Before that I thought I was slowly becoming a vegetable. I swore my IQ went down by forty points. Short and long term memory was a total wash, even though I used to not understand how people could forget something like what they had for lunch three days ago or where they parked their car. At my worst, I couldn't remember literally five seconds into the past sometimes. I once started reading a map on the wall at a bus station, then forgot which corner of the station I was in. I totally thought I was on the other side of the bus station and got really disoriented when I looked up and things were not where I expected. It freaked me out that my brain could do that and I thought it was a sign of all sorts of things going permanently wrong with me. I haven't actually thought about that in months. Now I can see that it was actually just constant anxious thoughts that made me (severely) distracted so I wasn't really paying as much attention to ANYTHING as I normally would. Your mind is okay, even if you don't feel that way. Here was an explanation for the feelings of brain atrophy: http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/34299-answers-to-your-questions/



Letgoandletgod said:


> I wouldnt practice meditation. In fact meditation is what cause me the depresionalization in the first place. I was an avid meditator, many hours a day for many years. Went on a 10 day intensive retreat and poof I dissapeared! Started freaking out, nervous breakdown... you know the drill.
> 
> Personally i find any type of yoga, mediation, accupuncture, ETF and massage just increases the symptoms.


These things are a large part of what helped me fully recover the first time I had DR about ten years ago. Meditation was difficult this time around (in the past year), and did sort of increase the symptoms for a few moments, but mostly because I was afraid to let go of the death grip I thought I had to keep on my sanity at all times in order to keep from completely "giving in". But the meditation was still helpful in the end, and a couple yoga sessions I did really gave me some relief during the worst parts of the last year. It didn't fully cure the DR, of course, but lessened it and my anxiety for the length of the class.

It might depend on the type of meditation someone does? I've heard some types of meditation are focused on letting go of yourself, "transcending" your own body/mind/desires/etc., but all of the ones I have tried were more about things like quieting your mind, creating an internal "safe place", and reconnecting with your body. One that was an instant and tremendous help for me was focusing on a single something, and continuing to focus on that something despite any other thoughts in your head. The paper I read on this method suggested using focal points like an image or a neutral word, but I chose the sound of my fridge running. It was amazing the difference after just about ten seconds! You don't even have to try to calm yourself down. It's called the relaxation response and your body automatically relaxes (slows your heart beat, regulates your breathing, lets go of muscle tension) without any real effort. This helped me to not spiral into absolute terror on countless occasions. The best part is that your focal point becomes a trigger for relaxation, and it becomes easier to instantly let go of some of the anxiety each time!

Anyway, you probably have a point about "losing yourself" with meditation (especially if that's what happened to you), but I think it can still be helpful in forms that are specifically directed at reconnecting with yourself and quieting the anxious or analytical thoughts that can intensify DP and DR. At least, that worked for me...


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## xxmdogxx

Optimusrhyme said:


> Im in the EXACT same situation as you man.. we gotta hold on... even though this shit is tough as fuck too live with.. my advice would be to take Omega 3's daily (the higher the EPA the better). Maybe get your psychiatrist to prescribe you an amphetimine like Dexedrine/Adderal... also you should get tested for Lyme disease..
> 
> If you have silver fillings in your teeth, look too have them removed and replaced with something safer (silver fillings have mercury in them which is a neuro toxin)..
> 
> Practice Meditation daily.. Exercise..
> 
> I dont really know what else too say man, ive been searching and searching for an answer to this problem forever.. Its soo damn tiring...
> 
> I wish you well my friend, you can PM me if you need too talk.


hey wtf are you nuts amphetamine is about the worst idea and the best way to prolong DP that exists, one of the main side effects is anxiety


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## xxmdogxx

Infrared said:


> Well, I've been lurking here for a while and thought I'd sign up.
> 
> The main reason behind this thread is just sheer desperation.
> 
> In a nutshell, I feel like my brain is severely damaged. Not just in terms of dissociation, I mean quite literally damaged. I feel like my brain has turned to mush over the past few years. I'm no longer articulate (something I had always prided myself on), I can't remember anything and I feel dumb as fuck. I feel like I'm a half-step above being a vegetable, I can't "hear" my thoughts (if that makes sense) and I feel as if my mind is just.. blank.. all the fucking time.
> 
> I know you're constantly hearing attention seekers constantly whining about wanting to kill themselves and I hate to add to the constant barrage of bore, but seriously, I feel like I'm on the verge of actually fucking doing it.
> 
> I'm currently on 60mg of Mirtazapine daily and the depersonalization hasn't let up at all.
> 
> What the fuck can I do?


 Dude youll be fine just be a man and it will pass I've thought those same thoughts but you will learn that slowly your getting better, there is no permanent damage even though your convinced its so and its all just stress. Its not possible to put into words the pain that this causes that is well known but when you think your done your only 40% done and its only the part of your brain that has lost hope has been altered it has nothing to do with that fact that we all recover.


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