# Childhood Issues



## Cat51998 (Jan 14, 2009)

It seems a lot people talk about their current experiences with DP, but I hardly read about anyone's childhood experiences. In Feeling Unreal, Simeon states that 90% of DP sufferers have some kind of abuse that went on in their childhood. I started writing about my childhood and talking with my doctor about it. Writing has helped me a lot lately with my DP symptoms. I wrote so much that I published my story on lulu. Are there any other DP sufferers out there who agree with this? How many of you guys had an abusive childhood.


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## Rein (Apr 29, 2008)

How many people without dp had some kind of abuse in their childhood? 
My childhood sucked btw.
Good that writing helps you! I`m interested in your lulu.


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## Cat51998 (Jan 14, 2009)

You're right. I'm sure there's a lot of people who don't have dp who had horrible childhoods. My childhood was pretty bad and did not start to feel depersonalized until I was 12 after my 10 year old brother suddenly died from a brain hemorrhage. It was an unspoken rule that we were never to talk about him again. We were never allowed to talk about our feelings before his death either. I'm just wondering if there is already some predisposition to dp from child abuse and a traumatic event like a death in the family, a car accident, feeling weird from smoking weed, or whatever the event is just the catalyst that brings out the symptoms of dp. I think 90% is too high to be a coincidence.

If you want to check out my book you can go to lulu and type in depersonalization in the search engine. It's called Dream Walkers: Living with Depersonalization. There's so little out there on dp and I was very nervous about my anonymity, but I said the hell with it (I even posted my picture in the book). So much more needs to be done and so many people need to be educated. There's too many people suffering in silence. For over thirty years I suffered in silence and ended up diagnosing myself after spending years in psychiatrist's offices. When I saw the movie Numb about six months ago, I knew that I had dp. I've been researching everything I could find on DP ever since.


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## invisible.ink (Feb 2, 2007)

My childhood sucked ass. I wasn't physically abused but there was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse as well as neglect.


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## Cat51998 (Jan 14, 2009)

There was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse in my childhood too. I also learned to take care of myself at a very young age because of the neglect. I did the laundry, cleaned the house, and searched for food. I took it really personally that my parents did not want to take care of me.


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## Guest (Jan 16, 2009)

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## Cat51998 (Jan 14, 2009)

Wow, I could really relate to your post. Everything. When my brother died, we were both home alone together in the early morning before my parents went to work. Later my mother said to me many times. It's better you were with him when he died because you can handle it. Jeez. I was only 12 years-old. Every time she said that I thought, "no I can't handle it."

I too remember washing clothes in the sink. If I didn't clean my laundry, I went around in dirty clothes. I felt so much shame. I felt I wasn't worthy enough to be treated well.

You make a good argument about how DP can emerge and affect children of trauma. I'm glad you could share some of your experiences. I had a relapse with dp in 2005 after a car accident. It's been hell again. But I found that by writing my story about my childhood and publishing it online, I got some relief from my symptoms. I was driving home from work yesterday, and for the first time since my accident I felt peaceful. I have also been taking my laptop with me to my doctor's office and showing him what I've written.

I sent an email to Dr. Phil and Oprah about my dp and how important it is to educate the public especially because so many people suffer in silence not knowing what's wrong and how often doctor's misdiagnose dp. I doubt they'll contact me, but I'm willing to go public and talk about dp. I think it will help me and so many others find relief from this condition. Yes, my family is going to go crazy if they ever find my writing on my computer, but oh well. It's nothing personal against my parents anymore. I was angry for a while and rightfully so. Now, I know they did the best they could.


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## Guest (Jan 16, 2009)

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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Why have you deleted all your posts in this thread Spirit


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2009)

Chris! 

Oh, I didnt want my life story all over the forum ... in a section that you dont have too log into to see posts..thats all. How are you doing?

Lyns :wink:


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## Rein (Apr 29, 2008)

Cat51998 said:


> I sent an email to Dr. Phil .


Haha that would be cool, maybe could my mother (dr. Phil addict) than understand a little what it is to have this.


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## Johnny Dep (Feb 8, 2009)

It doesn't take me long to tell new people this story because I think its the one story that best tells what my childhood was like: my mother used to hit me for not smiling enough. If she saw me in the house and didn't think I was smiling enough she would run over and knock me in the head a few times and tell me I had great parents and should be happy and that if I didn't start smiling she was going to "knock your face off". The whole thing was ridiculous beyond words. Even as a little kid not knowing anything about science or psychology I could tell this was going to take a long time to get over. I still haven't, thanks mom.


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## Eli (Feb 28, 2009)

Hi,
this is the first time I am speaking to anyone about what I am feeling. I am 27 and ever since i was around 10 or so i have been feeling this way. my whole life although I know that it is real, feels absolutely unreal, like a dream. I have 2 daughters, and a great husband, but i stare at them sometimes and think are these people my family. I look in the mirror and say, is this you?

In regards to childhood issues, i had a crap child hood too. my dad was very violent, he would yell at everyone and severely hit me basically every day. there didnt need to be a reason for him hitting me, once i got hit so bad, i was not able to go to school the next day.

He never spoke to us, only criticised and hit. the weird thing is i dont remember any of the episodes of being bashed, only know that it hurt. he sometimes hit me infront of my friends who would come to sleep over, years later, my friend tells me she remembered the event and said i cried for you for a certain amount of time, i was very embarrassed, but i told her i did not remember, which scared the daylights out of her.
i do not remember certain important times and it makes me very sad... i dont remember my 4 year old's first walk, i cant remember breast feeding her when she was a baby... it feels as though when i go back in time that person was not me, i watch my memories as though i am watching another person's life.

i want to know if there is a cure for this because i do not feel 100% , i want to be the best mum there is for my children... \


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