# Currently going through major bout of Depersonalisation



## toffeebhoy89 (Jul 1, 2013)

Just wanted to let people on here know what I'm feeling and hopefully a lot of you can relate. I am a 23 year old male from London.

I've been going through a phase of depersonalisation for the last week or so now brought on by a binge drinking session, this is not the first time it has happened to me. Last week I went to Manchester to see a couple of friends from uni, the weekend consisted of junk food, copius amounts of cigarettes, beer and jaeger bombs, on the second night (Saturday) I think I overdid it. On the train ride back to London on the Sunday I started feeling really short of breath and felt like my heart was going to stop at any minute, I nearly got off the train before it departed because I started having a panic attack and feeling really claustrophobic. I somehow managed to pull myself together and stayed on the train. I was pacing for a lot of the two hour journey and couldn't sit still for a long period of time, or sleep. All I could concentrate on was my heart and I kept feeling like my breathing was really slow and heavy which was panicking me a lot. In the evening when I was at home I told my dad that I was having trouble breathing and he felt my pulse and said there was nothing wrong and that I was just focusing on it too much which was why I was worried. He knows about my previous trouble with depression/anxiety/depersonalisation.

Since that weekend I have had trouble sleeping and going to sleep, I have felt very detached from my body and as though I am not in control of my bodily functions such as breathing, I have had trouble swallowing food , I have been focusing on my heart and feeling as though it will stop or I will have a heart attack. Today was the worst day for it, I was out drinking yesterday at a bbq and had a great day, my symptoms however started getting really bad today at around midday. Heart and breathing problems, dream like state, feeling totally zoned out and disconnected from my body, speaking to people and not being able to conciously reply to them, tunnel vision, feeling like life is film, sudden bursts of panic and horror for no reason, questioning everything even the most simple of things such as waiting for the kettle to boil for a cup of tea.

Things have improved in the last couple of hours as I went to gym for a good workout, when I first started the workout I felt really zoned out and disconnected still and thought I would stop early, managed to pull through though and am feeling much better for it.

My first bout of depersonalisation was also brought on by a binge weekend I had a couple years ago, it was awful and lasted about 2 months, this time round I am better able to cope with it and get out of the negative cycle of thinking - it's a horrible mindset that needs to be overcome.

It sucks that this happens to me after drinking because I love having fun with my friends and getting drunk, but I really suffer for it the next day.

The only other time this happened was brought on by smoking cannabis, I thought I was gonna have a heart attack when I was stoned and had a major panic attack and felt like I was losing my mind. I am never smoking weed ever again and haven't done since that happened to me about 7 months ago.

If anyone cant relate to any of the symptoms I have mentioned please let me know.

Thanks!

Patrick

P.S. for those looking for help the only thing I can suggest is living a healthy lifestyle, eating good food and going gym/exercising it helped me a lot the first time round and also reduced the severity of my hangovers which is the main trigger for my bursts of anxiety/depersonalisation


----------

