# cant stop listening to thoughts



## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

Im going to my GP tomorrow and im gonna tell him if he cant help me im going to kill myself beccause i cant be bothhered with this horrendous life.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Hey there,

I feel so bad that you are still suffering so much. Don't ever kill yourself - whether you've had this for an hour, a month, a year, a decade, or your whole life - there are success stories out there.

You have an obsession - a very severe obsession, and it sounds like you have a great deal of depression.

I think you need to have a stay in a psychiatric ward for a little while - be constantly surrounded by doctors who care and understand and can help you get back on your feet. It might sound scary, but I've seen you in an utter state of panic in the 3 months i've been on here and I think I remember you saying its been this bad for two years.

It doesn't have to be this bad, but you HAVE to stop the obsession.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

the thing is its not an obsession it just exists, like a physical illness, I have no control over it and the more i try to treat it the worse it gets. NOTHING helps me, I cant describe how hopless I feel. I just listen to my thoughts all day, they scream at me, the ther day im sure something was talking to me inside my head. Im fed up of it, ijust want rest.


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2009)

I told my GP that I was suicidal today. Consequently I've got sort of an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow. I hope your GP is as good as mine. Brush all of his/her papers off his/her desk if that's what it takes to get your message across.

Apart from the intrusive thoughts and the DP, how's the mood? Are you suicidal just because of the relentless racing thoughts or are you suicidal because of that plus depression? What medication are you on currently?


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

i ve tried cipralex/paxil/zyprexa non of them helped im pretty much runnig out of steam. Im not on meds anymore they just made me impotent. I am depressed but purely because of the state of my eixistance. I recently went to a psychlogist after waiting 4 months she was a lvely lady. she suggested therapy so i was open to it thinking i had to come back next week, she then went on to explain it was just a screening process to check i was genuinley fucked up and i have to wait another few months. I told my gp i felt suicidal last time i went to him and he brushed it off. Im fed up f these fucking beuracratic doctors who treat me like a piece of meat passing me around. fucking dogs get better care than ive recieved. Im fed up of crying infront of some doctor who wont help me, has just graduated and doesnt know what he's doing or is just not bthered. Whenever i go to a doctor I just feel like im jumping through hoops and that ultimatley they just shove antid's at you which dont help. I knw for a fact that when i go tomorrow because i dont fit the typical diagnosis of sucidial/depressed he wont understand what im going through and just brush it off. I would love for them to live one day in my shoes and understand what its like. Im so tired, I get back from work shattered and i cant rest, its too much.


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2009)

So the anti-depressants and anti-psychotics don't work. What's your experience with benzos? They're what most people with this disorder seem to take as a remedy.

As for the doctors, are you saying your GP is a junior doctor? Is there no chance you can register with another one? Do they not believe you when ou say you're suicidal? Do they require proof? That's madness. I guess I'm pretty lucky in that regard; my GP is really good, and although she'd never heard of DP, she always does her utmost to make me referrals to psychology and counselling. Even after I've failed at it so many times.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

NO the doctors at my practice are really poor. I wrote a letter to my MP and he replied telling me to complain to a health body, I forget the name which im in the process of doing. Ive heard about benzos but in all ohnesty i cant see how they are any different to alcohol. Im going to my docs any way, or maybe hospital *again! lol*


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I just wanted to say, I know how you feel, and I hope you get help. Make an emergency call and get some medication that helps right away, like Valium. Your mind is overloaded, you need rest. Please consider committing yourself to a psych ward. You will get better, but it's you who have to do the work. All the best

Anne


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

STAY AWAY FROM ALCOHOL. Benzos are not the same!!


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

dancingwobbler said:


> NO the doctors at my practice are really poor. I wrote a letter to my MP and he replied telling me to complain to a health body, I forget the name which im in the process of doing. Ive heard about benzos but in all ohnesty i cant see how they are any different to alcohol. Im going to my docs any way, or maybe hospital *again! lol*


Benzos are entirely different than alcohol, not even close to the same thing. I thought you had tried them? If you haven't, you should - you are on the edge which is exactly when Benzos should be prescribed..

Also - I know you don't think it is an obsession but it is. What else could it be? You are obsessed with watching your own thoughts. You have to believe that you can control it, which you can. I know it doesn't seem like it or feel like it, but from what I have read you have given up. You don't BELIEVE you can get better - you expect doctors to give you a magic pill and for this to go away. It is certainly an illness that you have but it is of the anxiety/depression/OCD type - NOT any other type. You have to learn to accept this and stop fearing the 'watching the thoughts'. It is nothing but an obsession and CAN go away.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey man what ever you do, DO NOT TELL HIM YOU ARE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF. Unless you want to be locked up in a looney bin for a minimum of 3 days, possibly much longer. If you do wanna go to the psych ward - all the more power to you. Sorry you are still suffering so badly man, wtf, something's gotta give.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

im scared to exist, im scared to think, i dont understand whats wrong, im just fed up of it all


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

dancingwobbler said:


> im scared to exist, im scared to think, i dont understand whats wrong, im just fed up of it all


You are severely anxious, depressed, and obsessive - somewhere deep down you know this. There is no such disease where your thoughts become super loud and you are forced to watch them 24/7 all day long without control.

I believe you 100% that this is what is happening to you - but it is happening because you are obsessively focusing on your thoughts. You have to acknowledge this, accept it, and fight it.

I feel so bad for you - but you are going to get better until you put up a real fight. Not to say you haven't been fighting yet - but you've been on the defensive, just surviving punch after punch from this thing. You've got to get on the offensive and stop the thought monitoring in any way possible.

If you need to go to a psych ward then go. I really think it would be good for you to get a week of down time under doctor supervision.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

I know what you mean Matt, it is an obsession, but it feels more than that. It feels like my thoughts are on a roll and im just watching them in my head. It is entirley chemical because I was entirley fine until i smoked loads of weed for about 6months and since then I have been in a state of torment.


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## Guest (Apr 14, 2009)

dancingwobbler said:


> im scared to exist, im scared to think, i dont understand whats wrong, im just fed up of it all


BENZOS BENZOS BENZOS BENZOS!!!!!!!! XANAX and Ativan are the best. But Xanax ER is the best that ive found. and start taking vitamins like b-6, b-12, and magnesium. try everything you can possibly think of. I was in a phsych ward for 4 days about 2 weeks ago because mine was so bad. thats when my shrink gave me Xanax ER, and Ativan for emergencies. and im taking vitamins. my next step is homeopathy. DO NOT GIVE UP!!! and if your open to it, give God a shot. He wont let you down.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

I have to agree here, i got a prescription to xanax almost immediately after feeling this way and it is really the only thing that helps. Alcohol definitely doesn't help in fact i think it makes things worse. But i think you will be incredibly surprised how much benzos will help you, they will just slow you down for a breather and bring you back to earth for a while. Once you get to that point then you realize that this thing can be controlled and that things will get better. good luck to you man, don't give up!


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Yeah Kane man it's worth a shot trying benzo's. If they do the trick for you which they have for many people on here you will be one happy duck.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

If they dont im fucked, Im definitley gonna have a labottomy then.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

brain transplant sounds nice too.


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