# 40+-Something?



## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

I was wondering if anyone out there is older, maybe later 30's and 40's, and up? I would like to converse with people who are more my age since we would have more in common. There do seem to be a lot of younger people on this forum and I can't relate to their culture too well. Please post any hello, etc. under this topic and talk about your DP now or recovered experience, etc. I'm 49.


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## puppyskin (Feb 21, 2010)

im 37 been suffering since i was 18 after traumatic drug experience,its been chronic with me but more in the background,ive had 3 what i call serious breakdowns which takes some getting over,never been officially diagnosed but i know i suffer from it.


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## jay2008 (Nov 6, 2007)

I'm 33, been suffering for the past 3 years and with severe anxiety for about 7 straight years. Feel free to contact me anytime.


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## Angela2006 (Jan 20, 2006)

Hi. I'm Angela, and I'm 54 and I have had this lovely condition since I was 18. I got it after a bad bout with LSD. Ugh!


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## TracyRaak (Mar 13, 2010)

HI. Im Trace. Im 40 and have been living with what I feel is DP for about 6 months. It scares me to read of all the people that have had it for years and years. I cant see myself living like this for the rest of my life.

Funny things about these forums. I see a lot of people reading them, but hardly anyone responding to any.


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

I did get DP when I was 14 from smoking pot--I guess they call it weed now? But, I've improved quite a bit and some days I feel just great and other days I have a lots of anxiety and some DP. I guess I have always been a sensitive and shy person and dissociated as a child--but, since the pot episode, it hurt then to dissociate. Now that life as an adult is more stressful, it's hard to have great days, every day. I guess I need to think and act like I was a child again, and let bad situations just roll off my back instead of dwelling on them and getting anxious and DP'd. I never got any treatment until I was in my 20's, just too freaked out by the whole thing and stayed drunk. I never really knew I had DP until less than a year ago! But, then I looked through some old medical records and read I was diagnosed with the problem back in 1988, just overlooked it. A healing note--if I surround myself with kind and supportive people who aren't into games and agendas, I feel healed. Then I run up against people who want to abuse with me, especially at work, then I feel like crap. I need to learn to handle people better, calmer. Well, I personally appreciate being sensitive, which makes me a more caring and compassionate person. It goes with my DP territory, I guess. I'm seeing myself in a more loving light now that I'm older. Had abuse from alcoholic parents, abandoned, neglected, blah, blah, so can't expect to be too all together upstairs. Thanks for posting, all, and hope to hear more.


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## Reflection (Aug 12, 2004)

I'm 32, I've had chronic dp 24/7 with severe anxiety and depression since I was 19. I have been visiting dpselfhelp on and off since I was about 23. I hope that I won't still be coming here in another 10yrs. I remember being 23 and feeling like I couldn't take one more day or hour of it and I still feel that way. I don't know how I have made it this far. My dp was caused by a really bad trip after smoking cannabis that had been laced with something else, probably PCP/Angel dust. I worry that it has permanently altered my perception of the world and that in my case I will be stuck like this forever. I have lost so much life because of it. I've tried everything to get better and I mean everything. It truly is the worst feeling I could ever imagine.


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## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

Lewis said:


> I'm 32, I've had chronic dp 24/7 with severe anxiety and depression since I was 19. I have been visiting dpselfhelp on and off since I was about 23. I hope that I won't still be coming here in another 10yrs. I remember being 23 and feeling like I couldn't take one more day or hour of it and I still feel that way. I don't know how I have made it this far. My dp was caused by a really bad trip after smoking cannabis that had been laced with something else, probably PCP/Angel dust. I worry that it has permanently altered my perception of the world and that in my case I will be stuck like this forever. I have lost so much life because of it. I've tried everything to get better and I mean everything. It truly is the worst feeling I could ever imagine.


Sorry to hear you have it for so long







try Jesus, try praying.


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

I thought for a very long time that the cannabis I smoked was laced with or contaminated with something else, too, but then more recently I really believe that I am just sensitive to a regular dose. I need only a very small dose of any meds, etc. to get a profound effect. One thing that I've noticed over the years is that being emotionally or verbally abused by anyone will throw me into depression, anxiety and DP. My boss today at work used the wrong tone of voice with me (again) and I dissociated and got anxious. And just the night before I felt terrific, grounded and happy. There really is a connection, for me, between having been abused by my parents and current abuse in my life. I'm going to find an abuse Survivor's support group! What I need is to learn to have more self-esteem when another person trashes me, so I don't need to dissociate. The day I smoked the pot and got such a horrible response, I was living under my abusive father's roof and had to go home that night high. I setup a chemical reaction in my brain and body that is stored as a bad nightmare, PTSD. For many Dpers, look at what was surrounding you at the time you DP'd, and something related to that today? When I feel safe with people, my DP disappears, then when I feel unsafe, it rages back. Thanks for listening. . .


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## nabber (Feb 13, 2009)

I'm 30 and I've had DP/DR since 15 from LSD abuse. I guess I dont fall into the age category, but I feel like I have an 'old soul.'


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## Anla (May 1, 2007)

I'm 57 soon. Mine began with an abusive teaching situation/abusive employer in 1999.


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

Anla said:


> I'm 57 soon. Mine began with an abusive teaching situation/abusive employer in 1999.


Anla, Thanks for sharing this. I do like to hear more about abuse and DP, since with me it is cause and effect. I have been severely emotionally abused by many people in my life and struggle to keep my head above water some days when someone in my life comes against me. I realized too that some people are so insane they don't even know they are abusers--selfish uncaring jerks. Amazing. The workplace is the worst for an intelligent adult, and especially a woman!, with a good mind! You can't get away from it without quitting your job sometimes--which I've done in the past, though I stopped my previous boss dead in his tracks by filing papers against him. I have a restraining order against him here on the job, but he still talks to me. It's very traumatizing to work under these conditions for me, I've been very depressed. I have a union and work for the State, so some help. The abuse structure in the workplace is so insidious, it's difficult to stop the undercurrent of antagonism. Some men, not all, love to trash women in the workplace. I just posted about the Workplace Bullying Institute website on another thread, that is working to enact legislation in every state to stop abuse. The one article on their site mentions that bosses abuse due to their incompetence. So true.


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## Anla (May 1, 2007)

It was a nightmare. I had been teaching children with emotional/behavioral/learning problems for 12 years, and was burned out. My school system would not let me transfer to learning disabilities, even tho I had figured out how to teach everyone to read, and had even written a book about it. Because I had ED certification. Then even when I got a job with another system, it refused to release my certif so I could leave to teach LD. Said it could force me to teach ED because I was on contin contract and had not notified them in time. Which was a lie, but it informed the other system they would have to go to court to get my certif. So I became a paid slave to teach horrible students...And I even had to do a fed court case with myself as lawyer to finally, 3 years later, break the lies of my superintendent so I could teach LD with the other system. In between I had trauma/anxiety/depression, unemployment, and underemployment. We went into credit counseling and almost lost our house. And every time I turn around I get slapped in the face with another problem that developed because of the nightmare! All because I was a talented, caring teacher. I have been numb since 1999, except of course to the primative survival emotions, fear, rage, extreme sadness. No way to live.


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## yuliam51375 (Dec 31, 2009)

Rebekah said:


> I was wondering if anyone out there is older, maybe later 30's and 40's, and up? I would like to converse with people who are more my age since we would have more in common. There do seem to be a lot of younger people on this forum and I can't relate to their culture too well. Please post any hello, etc. under this topic and talk about your DP now or recovered experience, etc. I'm 49.


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## yuliam51375 (Dec 31, 2009)

Hi Rebeka am not 40+ but am in my late 30's if you want we can talk.
my name is Yuliam


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## DRyan (Jan 19, 2008)

I would just like to express my respect for you all. I'm 20 years old, going on 9 years of DP and the only reason i can live with it is because I can't remember what its like to be normal, so relatively in my mind its not so bad. I might as well have been born with it. And I know if/when I get better I'm in for something amazing.

I only have to go to school and work 8 hours a week. I think many of you have to support yourselves and possibly children and spouses. You deserve incredible respect for what you live with, most of all because anyone without this disorder can't imagine what its like, and can't empathize with you. Anyway, I'm curious where you get your strength from, because it must be profound. Best wishes, seriously.


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## Anla (May 1, 2007)

You still have lots of light and life in your eyes. You smile with your whole face! The last time I felt/smiled like that was when the sped director called me, told me to come sign a contract to teach LD, then interview and accept a hs or elem position. That was mid-July of 1999. After that I found myself in a nightmare, as described briefly above. I keep on keeping on for my son's sake. And I have continued helping everyone.


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## DRyan (Jan 19, 2008)

Anla said:


> You still have lots of light and life in your eyes. You smile with your whole face! The last time I felt/smiled like that was when the sped director called me, told me to come sign a contract to teach LD, then interview and accept a hs or elem position. That was mid-July of 1999. After that I found myself in a nightmare, as described briefly above. I keep on keeping on for my son's sake. And I have continued helping everyone.


I've gotten good at acting to the point of believing my own act, but I never feel it. That summer was a bad one. I worked at a summer camp as a counselor, and I felt guilty when I let my mood affect the kids. It is a good picture though, according to those I worked with. I also feel guilty/embarrassed when I give the impression of self-pity. So I'm sorry for making this about me, I felt the need to correct that. I know that's not what this thread is for.


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

I had originally started this thread for 40-something folks, but it seems that 30-somethings are here, too. And 20. But, if you feel as if you can relate to the older crowd, great to have you here.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

Hello everyone,

I will be turning 40 this year and I'm glad that I found a few of you that are close to my age. This whole site seems to be on the younger side and frustrating because they don't seem to be having this issues for as long as I have. 
I honestly do not remember how or when my symptoms started. I did smoke pot when I was younger but occasionally. I have post traumatic stress disorder from an experience that I had when I was 16. As far as I can remember that is when I started feeling the disconnection from myself was after that experience.
I hate living with these awful feelings everyday. I feel like I am not in control of my own limbs... I feel like I am not the one saying the things that I say... I feel space out.. living my life like a robot... or living in a dream like state. 
I am married and have 4 children. I hold down a full time job but as I am typing now for example I don't feel like I am the one doing it!!! I don't know how I get by everyday.. I really don't but I manage. I have been seeing a therapist and just found out a few weeks ago what that this awful feeling has a name too. I'm so glad to see that I am not alone with this.

Anyone feel something similar???


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## guitarman (Dec 11, 2008)

Hello everyone. I will be 50 in July and have had this since about 15. It seems that this condition was brought from a night of drug abuse. But the more I come to understand this condition and understand my self more the more I see that there were signs of this from my experiences dating back to the age of 5. I could probably write a book of my experiences recounting alcoholic and abusive parents, years in the care of the childrens aid and foster homes, some of which were abusive. Which led to training schools and eventual prison. I feel that although it seems that fateful night of drug abuse brought it out, my previous experiences made for the perfect storm.
I look back on my life and it almost seems surreal that I came out of the horror of my child hood and after being released from prison at the age of 20 years old went on to travel as a full time musician, eventually met and married a beautiful lady to which I've been married to for going on 23 years, had 3 great kids and am currently 13 years in to a successful career in I.T. 
So inspite of this condition there is hope. I never could be cured of this but I was able to preserver in spite of it.


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## grues0me (Feb 12, 2010)

Wrong Post. Though i am 37 having DP.


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## Sean 561 (Apr 19, 2010)

I like the concept of this thread. I'm Sean. I'm 37 and like so many others I developed my DP/DR at early adolesence while experimenting with various drugs. Lots of pot, some LSD, mushrooms, cocaine. I am so upset with myself now having cursed myself for what appears to be life with this condition that wont go away. I cant even begin to imagine it going away completely. Initially I thought the feeling was new hiormones flowing through my body causing this strange sensation but it never ceased. Of course, I continued to abuse drugs recreationally since childhood and have probably cemented my DP into place. In my 20's I self diagnosed myself with anxiety because I had 2 panic attacks which resulted in my passing out. These were 2 years apart. Only about 2 years ago since I watched "Numb" did I realize exactly what was going on. I could put a name to it. Now I have decided to research this condition more and try to really at least decrease it. I youtubed then found this site. Last week I had my first psychiatrist visit in which I told her all my symptoms and what I thought I had. She told me to stop drinking and doing any type of drugs for 6 months before she could accuratly diagnose me. When I try to explain my symptoms to my Russian girlfriend I think I scare her a little but she still attempts to be supportive. Im not totally sure she understands what Im trying to explain. 5 years ago I took 3 different drugs for anxiety/depression but I cant really say they worked at all. Now Im willing to step it up if I need to...

Thanks for listening and please dont hesitate to talk to me


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

Sean 561 said:


> I like the concept of this thread. I'm Sean. I'm 37 and like so many others I developed my DP/DR at early adolesence while experimenting with various drugs. Lots of pot, some LSD, mushrooms, cocaine. I am so upset with myself now having cursed myself for what appears to be life with this condition that wont go away. I cant even begin to imagine it going away completely. Initially I thought the feeling was new hiormones flowing through my body causing this strange sensation but it never ceased. Of course, I continued to abuse drugs recreationally since childhood and have probably cemented my DP into place. In my 20's I self diagnosed myself with anxiety because I had 2 panic attacks which resulted in my passing out. These were 2 years apart. Only about 2 years ago since I watched "Numb" did I realize exactly what was going on. I could put a name to it. Now I have decided to research this condition more and try to really at least decrease it. I youtubed then found this site. Last week I had my first psychiatrist visit in which I told her all my symptoms and what I thought I had. She told me to stop drinking and doing any type of drugs for 6 months before she could accuratly diagnose me. When I try to explain my symptoms to my Russian girlfriend I think I scare her a little but she still attempts to be supportive. Im not totally sure she understands what Im trying to explain. 5 years ago I took 3 different drugs for anxiety/depression but I cant really say they worked at all. Now Im willing to step it up if I need to...
> 
> Thanks for listening and please dont hesitate to talk to me


What type of symptoms are you experiencing now that you are off the drugs and alcohol?


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## Sean 561 (Apr 19, 2010)

Ziggy said:


> What type of symptoms are you experiencing now that you are off the drugs and alcohol?


I just visited the psychiatrist last week. So the 6 months is starting now. She told me that cocaine, even the smallest amount, can replicate a DP feeling in your mind for quite a while after you use it. I thought that was interesting. But I have been feeling my chronic DP since childhood and had plenty of periods of time that I didnt drink or do any drugs for months, drugs for years, and I still felt the DP daily. I have to admit, as bad as it is, it will be very hard for me to give up that glass of wine or two when I come home from a hard day at work. That actually soothes my DP.. Giving up the coke wont be a problem at all since it is merely a recreational habit. Honestly, the only reason I really ever do it is to escape from this punishing reality from time to time.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

betty said:


> Hi I am 46 years old had DP since 1999 following on from a nervous breakdown due to stress.


Hi Betty,

Do you have DP constantly or does it come and go?


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## Dyna (May 13, 2010)

Hi, I am 38 and have DR (still not really clear on the difference between DP and DR-but I mainly feel detached from my surroundings and feel like I am constantly in a dreamlike/half-awake state) since 1993! It came on on of a sudden after smoking a small amount of pot (fouth(and last!) time). I have it 24/7. The intensity varies but never leaves. I have learnt to live with it, but alway crave for it to leave. Dyna


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

betty said:


> Hi Ziggy I have had DP constantly since 1999 never been a day or night without it.


I can totally relate. I can't even pin point when mine started but it has been for many, many years. How do you make yourself feel better or feel like it's normal?


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

Dyna said:


> Hi, I am 38 and have DR (still not really clear on the difference between DP and DR-but I mainly feel detached from my surroundings and feel like I am constantly in a dreamlike/half-awake state) since 1993! It came on on of a sudden after smoking a small amount of pot (fouth(and last!) time). I have it 24/7. The intensity varies but never leaves. I have learnt to live with it, but alway crave for it to leave. Dyna


It's nice to see that there are other people around my age that have these symptoms as severly as I do.. I have always thought that I was crazy... I wish I could feel NORMAL! I feel like it will NEVER happen..







(


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## Anla (May 1, 2007)

Just this spring found out that I am elig to semi-retire. Will not be able to really retire until Soc S kicks in at age 62 or 63. But am now able to take advan of my school sys local option retirement program, and will do some sub teaching and some tutoring. Everyone is excited for me, but so far I have not felt it. Next Thurs is a retirement dinner for those from my school. I might feel a bit sad and a bit relieved that I've made it to this point. And same for my son's grad from hs in June. But no feelings of excitement, joy, or happiness for me. Just deadness there. WHAT A LIFE!


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## Johnny Dep (Feb 8, 2009)

I'm in my 40s and mostly like talking to younger people because as old as I am I have done about as many interesting things in my life as the average 22 year old so in that way were at the same level. But every time I hear some 18yo say "I have been this way my whole life" I do have to stop reading and face palm for a few minutes and get myself back together.


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## Ziggy (Apr 21, 2010)

betty said:


> I used to spend all day every day thinking about the dp and praying it would go away and crying why did this happen to me. Now i have got to a point where it feels like this is the norm even though i dont live the normal life i used to it has disabled me in so many ways.


I am trying so hard to live a normal life and not to focus on it so much but it is really difficult.


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## Sleepwalker (Dec 4, 2008)

Rebekah said:


> I was wondering if anyone out there is older, maybe later 30's and 40's, and up? I would like to converse with people who are more my age since we would have more in common. There do seem to be a lot of younger people on this forum and I can't relate to their culture too well. Please post any hello, etc. under this topic and talk about your DP now or recovered experience, etc. I'm 49.


Hi.
I'm 44yrs and have have DD for as long as I can remember; 24/7
In 2004 was I diagnosed.
I was a sensitive child and never received emotional support. My parents quarreled constantly.
I tend to be moody and Lamictal (200mg/day) _helps_ with that.(I suspect a case of some emotional disorder-BPD?). Clonazepam (2mg or more, per day) is also a mainstay of mine. I am looking for an effective antidepressant to complement the lamotrigine.

I also think my DD, in part, is a protective reaction from overreacting to stress and the fear of looking and feeling foolish after some outburst and of course all the baggage,too.
I must say, though, that I have grown emotionally and I know better how to deal with my triggers and avoid them. There is so much more I could relate. 
Suffice it for now; please forgive my "Queen's English".
See you later, guys.








Cheers.


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## Angela2006 (Jan 20, 2006)

Sleepwalker said:


> Hi.
> I'm 44yrs and have have DD for as long as I can remember; 24/7
> In 2004 was I diagnosed.
> I was a sensitive child and never received emotional support. My parents quarreled constantly.
> ...


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## Angela2006 (Jan 20, 2006)

Hi - I wanted to keep this thread going about older people with DP. I really can't relate to about 75% of the chat on the site, and would like to be able to have useful conversations with people who have been afflicted with this condition chronically for many years. I think those of us who have had DP/DR for most of our adult lives or longer are the people on this site who are the "true" DP/DR community. I keep reading things from younger people who, at this point, really don't know what is wrong with them. I know this isn't true with all young people on the site, but I'm afraid that the site is going to go in the wrong direction, and we won't get the medical community to realize that this condition needs more research and they need to find a cure! I know people in the DP medical community use this site for their research, but I am seeing things on here that are scaring me. I know I don't want to look at the board as much as I used to because there is so much junk! Anyone have any ideas? I have had this condition for 36 years, and I really, really want to see the medical community doing more about finding a cure.


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