# Love.



## NeglectingDefinitionOfReal (Dec 22, 2010)

Is it something you find to be difficult to accept and/or give?

http://headville.net/2011/04/22/kiss-the-wind-or-at-least-try/


----------



## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

NeglectingDefinitionOfReal said:


> Is it something you find to be difficult to accept and/or give?
> 
> http://headville.net/2011/04/22/kiss-the-wind-or-at-least-try/


with love, the most difficult thing for me on DP was, i kept asking: 'But who loves who'? What loves what? What am I going to love? If i dont even know what is. And who am I to love? How can I love myself if i do not know who or what or where my self is. And how can i give love to others and receive from others, if i do not see myself as some-one who can be a kind of center-point for this exchange? Whats loving what? etc.

then i just made the leap of faith and tried just to love for the sake of loving. i realized sometimes its the other way, you do not have to Know in order to love, but you love in order to Know. The heart is an organ of perception, love is the way it 'sees', in the way light is the way eyes perceive. When you open to love you start 'seeing' things which you just couldnt see before. Its like looking for yourself in the dark, and suddenly it occurs to you to turn on the light (love), and there you are.

at some point i had to make this question. Why do I want my self back? What for? what was it about being that was so much better about not-being?

Really, think about it... why is it that you are so desperately seeking for your lost self?
so that you stop being so anxious and tense? so you can be better at what you do and get a raise in your job? because DP makes your mind foggy and you want to think better so you can solve..... what? think about what?

No, you want your self because of love. because you love yourself. but if you pay close attention, the more you get closer to your true, genuine, self, the more the love you experience, and the more diffuse is the line that divides/distinguishes love with self... to a point where all you feel is love, and you really, really dont care who is who, or what is loving what. the only thing that really matters is love. 
now, instead of looking for self in desperation/fear/anxiety/grief (in the dark), you can look for it in the light. *love* *is* the *light*. maybe your-self and love are not two separate things. the times when i feel more like my true self is when i am feeling love. other times im just absent minded- going through everyday-shit like a robot. when i look deep inside, and i start to love, then i say: oh, here i was. you have to find the child inside you. you're still the child. actually, i want to share something with you:

yesterday i was walking through my neighbourhood, a bit stressed out and thinking about my past, and about how sometimes im not sure if its real or just an ilussion, like im trying to find that child, that light, that innocence, but the memories are so remote, i cant really grasp any real memory, just fragments, like a very distant echoe of something that used to feel right. And I walked into this public playground where i used to play as a child, one block away from my first home. And as I sat there, watching the kids play and feeling mellow about my lost paradise.. this 5-year old kid came to me and asked:

Do you have a child?
-No
Then why are you here?
-Because I used to come here when I was a child
And how do you know?
- Because I remember
[interrupting me before i finished the word] how do you know that you were a child?
[and again, before i could answer] how do you know that you're a grown-up?
-I ...

I was lost for words, he turned around and went back to play before i could even utter a word

Needless to say, i was very shocked. I started to walk back home, and on the street, still trying to decide what that meant, i realized: oh, im _still_ the child!









i believe DP is about letting go of the Ego-Tower/mask/personality that we built up because of society (and which DP managed to do away with, in a quite violent way), and find that truer self, the child. the child-god. look at a picture of you when you were little, try to remember how it used to be.. there really is a higher wisdom in that child. the child is the Self above self/ego/persona. you lost your 'self'. good. now go after the true, genuine Self. but dont look for it in the dark! its like looking for you on the floor and thinking you're your shadow, when you're that very same thing thats looking. the child is that which is doing the search. because he forgot, he forgot himself. the true self, and let the society impossed ego/personality take command and disguise as true self, and all the time you were hiding behind the mask of personality, of ego. now that has collapsed. now is time to accept your true Self. that which only knows love, that which only knows compassion, fun, that which only knows how to play. that which is sensitive, genuine, truthful. Love is the memory-trigger. love is that which makes you Remember. Do not look for Self in order to Love, Love in order to be Self again. and that kids, is all. that, and bunnies.


----------



## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

The dp can make it harder to feel connected. But even with it, I still see it naturally happening over time as I gradually build trust and spend time with someone.


----------



## Arniodins (May 4, 2011)

Wow, I actually cant believe on how much I can relate to the memory echoes.


----------



## Ubiquity (Apr 24, 2011)

For me, love is harder to give than accept. Even though I'm in love, some days and in some situations, I can't care. That makes my partner really upset. Also, its harder for me to show it even though I feel it. I can't explain what I feel to him, because I don't have a full grasp of emotions and what they mean.


----------



## NeglectingDefinitionOfReal (Dec 22, 2010)

Very beautiful Abraxas.

I understand the loss of a feeling of connection but we are alive.

The feeling of being alive is so amazing.

http://headville.net/2011/05/06/ferociously-alive-coming-up-from-the-underground/


----------



## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Abraxas said:


> with love, the most difficult thing for me on DP was, i kept asking: 'But who loves who'? What loves what? What am I going to love? If i dont even know what is. And who am I to love? How can I love myself if i do not know who or what or where my self is. And how can i give love to others and receive from others, if i do not see myself as some-one who can be a kind of center-point for this exchange? Whats loving what? etc.
> 
> then i just made the leap of faith and tried just to love for the sake of loving. i realized sometimes its the other way, you do not have to Know in order to love, but you love in order to Know. The heart is an organ of perception, love is the way it 'sees', in the way light is the way eyes perceive. When you open to love you start 'seeing' things which you just couldnt see before. Its like looking for yourself in the dark, and suddenly it occurs to you to turn on the light (love), and there you are.
> 
> ...


I LOVE THIS


----------

