# to the fully recovered



## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

i have a question for all of you who can say have fully recovered from this.i know what i am asking of you might be a real pain in the arse but here goes.how did it feel? what did u experience?can u be as specific as u can , please? i'd like to know everything from the first sparks of recovery to the point you are at currently. what thoughts went through your head and everything?

than you in advance!!

Gabriel
hug'y'all


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

I am just now starting to let go of DP/DR and for me it is a feeling of the universe being lifted off of my sholders. I can't really explain it better then that. I am just not wound up in my thoughts anymore. It's like the volume of all my thoughts just got turned back down to a normal level. My thoughts have went from (WHAT THE HELL!!!!!, WHAT IS THIS!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!), to (hmm, this is not that cool but who cares, I need to live my life, I don't have time for this!)


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## Dreamland (Jun 1, 2005)

My DP is long gone and the only thing I can say about the experience is that it isn't some sort of epiphany; you just realize one day that you're used to it and it's considered gone! DP is like moving into a new neighborhood/house.....everything seems foreign and odd at first but before you know it it's a beautiful thing. When I think back now of some of my horrible DP episodes I don't feel the terror.........when I think back in time those harrowing feelings are just not there anymore; as if I was normal all along, just like everything else in my past.


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

did recovery seem to you, at some point, rather awkward and somewhat, overwhelming like..."oh my! i should think about this but its too much to take so ill hide in my DP not to it" like some sort of sick (litterally) laziness?cuz thats what i am pretty much experienceing right now.it feels kind of...disturbing.will that go away? 1A if you're reading...

hug'y'all

Gabriel


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

Guyver-Gabriel said:


> did recovery seem to you, at some point, rather awkward and somewhat, overwhelming like..."oh my! i should think about this but its too much to take so ill hide in my DP not to it" like some sort of sick (litterally) laziness?cuz thats what i am pretty much experienceing right now.it feels kind of...disturbing.will that go away? 1A if you're reading...
> 
> hug'y'all
> 
> Gabriel


Recovery can be quite scary at first, especially if you haven't felt normal in a long time (for me it was appx. 4,000 days straight of DP).

I can't tell you how many times I contemplated taking my own life. I'm sure glad I didn't.

Unlike Dreamland, who I think had DP episodes, I had DP and high anxiety and agoraphobia pretty much constantly for 11+ years.

I thought for more than a decade that I would never feel better, and that I'd be tortured with this (it did feel like pure hell) until I died.

I understand what you mean by laziness. DP messes with your ability to perform even the most mundane of tasks. My place is an absolute disaster. I've vacuumed once in four years. No one comes over, though, and I take my shoes off near the door. Still, there's dust and some dirt in various spots.

My recovery has been gradual and I don't think I could make myself become DP 24/7 again if I tried. I've passed through it and now my rational brain realizes it was dead wrong about trying to always control how I'm feeling (and to be concerned with relinquising TOTAL control to the primitive brain).

While you're recovering, you may see flashes of light, your body may feel split in two, from head to toe (vertically, not horizontally) etc. Lots of weird s h i t happens while recovering. And that could be why lots of people still are suffering.

Maybe if you're suffering with DP, you're afraid of feeling better. You're afraid that the recovery process will freak you out and make you more anxious. To be honest, initially, the recovery process may provide some unwanted surprises. However, it's important to pass through them, and not be frightened. You're not going to crack.

These surprises, such as seeing flashes of light, feeling split into two 50% seperate halves (one side that's warm and the other side that feels like pins and needles) are simply your rational brain's way of revolting and trying to stop you from trusting the primitive part of your brain (which the rational part does not trust, while DP'd).

I still am basking in how great it feels to be without the DP and all the anxiety. Now I have to get out in the "real" world again and start a life. This experience changes you so much... and that's part of the reason why I'm tentative about moving forward, despite feeling better.

I had 11 years of this and just want to enjoy reality for a little while. As everyone here also feels better, I expect they'll want the same. It's been a long time coming, that's for sure.

Jeff


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## livinginhell333 (Feb 19, 2005)

1A said:


> Guyver-Gabriel said:
> 
> 
> > did recovery seem to you, at some point, rather awkward and somewhat, overwhelming like..."oh my! i should think about this but its too much to take so ill hide in my DP not to it" like some sort of sick (litterally) laziness?cuz thats what i am pretty much experienceing right now.it feels kind of...disturbing.will that go away? 1A if you're reading...
> ...


yea thats a lot of freakin days.


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

livinginhell333 said:


> 1A said:
> 
> 
> > yea thats a lot of freakin days.


I can't say that I felt alive or real even one day, from the time I was between 20 and 30. DP started one week before my 20th birthday.

It used to drive me crazy, knowing my entire 20s went down the drain, but I just cut my losses and tried to move on.

30s have to be better. It really couldn't get any worse. That was the good news.

You will overcome this much faster than I did, though. It has always taken me longer than what's considered "average" to do ANYTHING in life, since I was born.

Jeff


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## livinginhell333 (Feb 19, 2005)

yea mine was 2 days before my 20th. i was so excited to get out of my teen years and all that crap.


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

i would luv to get my teen years back.


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

Guyver-Gabriel said:


> i would luv to get my teen years back.


Don't worry about teen years. That's the other thing that makes recovery hard -- focusing on the past, or wishing to turn back time.

Hell, I would like to turn back the clock, too, trust me. Fortunately or unfortunately, all we have is now, really. The future isn't even guaranteed, it's just that we've come to expect it.

Jeff


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## subtlerobot (Oct 15, 2005)

i'm still in my teen years, but i can feel them slowly slipping away...


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> Don't worry about teen years. That's the other thing that makes recovery hard -- focusing on the past, or wishing to turn back time.
> 
> Hell, I would like to turn back the clock, too, trust me. Fortunately or unfortunately, all we have is now, really. The future isn't even guaranteed, it's just that we've come to expect it.


Very well said 1a. We shouldn't try to relive the past and we shouldnt try to feel anything then what we are feeling. We don't have to control are own minds. are thoughts will come to us normaly if we just let them.

I have lost many years myself but now I choose to look at those years as a learning experience and I am not going to dwell on my past anymore. I am also learning not to think about the future all that much because that brings on anxiety and fear. All I can do is live in the now and just BE!

Dreamland I think that there is an epiphany and the epiphany is that there is no epiphany   , don't you agree?


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

i know i might start to be a real pain the bottom (politically correct, no?) but id like to know if you snap out of dp and whats actually progressive is the recovery? or...is it that it actually takes a long time to come out of it and one day, u just look back and tell to yourself? wtf? i am flozer* out of it! u see what i mean?


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2006)

im not gonna let dp/dr ruin anything for me, not worth it if you ask me.


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## lies (Nov 14, 2005)

not let dp fuck up your life
live now and here
all nice things to say
but how do you do that?
i've been telling this to myself
i've been trying to contact with myself and this moment, place
but my dp has kicked in so bad today,
while i was just trying to do the right thing
(i know, i shouldn't do a thing, but something has to change
cause if i don't change anything, dp stays... )
xxx


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

Guyver-Gabriel said:


> i know i might start to be a real pain the bottom (politically correct, no?) but id like to know if you snap out of dp and whats actually progressive is the recovery? or...is it that it actually takes a long time to come out of it and one day, u just look back and tell to yourself? wtf? i am flozer* out of it! u see what i mean?


The more you recover, the more you realize that you can just get on with life again. At first during recovery, you think "How can I reintegrate myself into society, after having lost so much time" but then you just do it. That's the stage I'm at right now. I'm not as much concerned about how to reintegrate anymore; at least not as much as I was 2-4 weeks ago.


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2006)

lies said:


> not let dp flower* up your life
> live now and here
> all nice things to say
> but how do you do that?
> ...


well its all a state of mind and do you really want to feel so negative all the time. You have the thoughts of wanting to be positive but something is holding you down. Something unconscious, just look at it when you think of things negatively what do you identify with in the back of your head? What makes you see things the way they are ? You have to look at things more broadly, your not gonna live forever... you can die tomorrow or you can die in 90 years. Its all a mental state, the way you look at things and percieve them can change... just like they changed when you first got dp.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

lies I think that j_utah has you figured pretty well.

You can't just tell your self (feel good) and then expect to feel good.

You have to stop fearing what the real feelings inside of you are.
Your true feelings might be very bad ones but you have to let yourself feel them. It is for your own good. Try to stay very positive about your future but don't try to force good feelings on yourself, just RELAX and let any feelings that you have come up to the surface! 
Don't try to understand (how to do this) or (what your feeling) don't focus so hard, just let yourself be and just experience whatever comes your way.



> but how do you do that?


Thats the thing, there is no how.
You cant figure out how to feel your emotions, how stupid could we all be to expect to figure out how to feel!
JUST FEEL! Don't try to figure out anything!
There is nothing to figure out and if you don't start realizeing this fact then you will be stuck forever in a cycle of understanding something that can't be understood but only felt.

I don't know if I got through to you but I hope I did, because the cure to DP/DR is really like magic!


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## lies (Nov 14, 2005)

thnx for your replies
and i'm beginning to realise what you guys mean
not sure if i'll be able to let the feelings in
so just start feeling :wink: 
i don't know if the feelings will come, cause i have
pushed them far off, but i'm here, let those feelings come :wink:

thnx you guys!!! (and girls  )

xxx


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

lies you got the idea, it just might take some time to really set in.
Just don't give up because if you have a negative attitude about it then you will have no chance of beating it.


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## Depersonalized (Feb 11, 2005)

It felt great, like I have landed back into my body followed by a nice warm wave, it happened when I smoked some weed(since nothing else helped) while being in this horrible condition, first it became even worse and then after it was just like a flip of a switch. I could no longer find path to that depersonalized state of mind even if I tried hard, though my state of mind in how I percieve the outside world has changed forever(I don't take life that seriously anymore). Everything has changed back in a few hours, food started to taste like food, I could smell without thinking how the hell do I do that... By no means I advise you to do the same, it's just what have helped me, after that I have never smoked pot - just don't want to play with my mind again.


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

Guyver ? You seem to be questioning "what recovery is like," and I think you can see from the replies that there is no singular recovery experience, just like there is no singular DP/DR experience. I assume you're trying to anticipate a road map for your own recovery ? looking for landmarks. All I can give you is my particular experience, not THE experience.

I eventually had to run into a wall. I saw, in a terrible "epiphany" how my tendency to introvert and intellectualize my inner experience was a convenient bubble, protecting me from the hum-drum of day to day life as well as the responsibilities demanded in friendship, intimate relations, and well, citizenship, i.e. bills, job, etc. This happened during a very difficult breakup, that had some very dangerous moments to it.

In a powerful and difficult moment I realized I wasn't the saint I thought I was, and this was absolutely crushing. I ran to the toilet ? dry heaves. After it was all over and both of us ended up safe I wound up in a psychiatric facility for a week, and began seeing a therapist.

It took several more years to fully understand that I was a drug addict and that my state of mind was intoxicated self-medication all the time, and I was completely miserable, depressed, anxious, and frightened to participate in the REAL world. It was much easier to lash out and blame my family, my ex, religion, the government, society as a whole for my miserable negative state that to take on the responsibility of creating a peaceful and happy life for myself.

I have been sober for 20 months. It keeps getting better, even though it gets difficult from time to time. That's what life is ? good and bad ? and it will never change. Our minds are just twisted from the TV telling us that life can be all good, happy all the time. So many of us fall into the opposite extreme of feeling bad all the time. Both are illusory and require a considerable amount of life-work to get out of. Freedom is possible for everyone ? especially for those of us that suffer deeply in our minds. Good luck.


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## Mollusk (Nov 12, 2005)

bright23 said:


> I eventually had to run into a wall. I saw, in a terrible "epiphany" how my tendency to introvert and intellectualize my inner experience was a convenient bubble, protecting me from the hum-drum of day to day life as well as the responsibilities demanded in friendship, intimate relations, and well, citizenship, i.e. bills, job, etc. This happened during a very difficult breakup, that had some very dangerous moments to it.


Very well put. I think that aplies to me and many of the other people on here. We all hide in a convenient little dp bubble that we hate at the same time.


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## lies (Nov 14, 2005)

LOSTONE said:


> lies you got the idea, it just might take some time to really set in.
> Just don't give up because if you have a negative attitude about it then you will have no chance of beating it.


how do you get surpressed emotions to the surface?
i know (think) what's wrong, how do i get these emotions?
by reliving the moment?

greets
xxx


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## Mollusk (Nov 12, 2005)

lies said:


> how do you get surpressed emotions to the surface?
> i know (think) what's wrong, how do i get these emotions?
> by reliving the moment?
> 
> ...


That helped for me. I wrote down everthing that was bothering me and tried to relive the moment. I tried to accept my feelings about the event and feel them to their full extent. I then attempted to move on. It seemed to help. It felt like i had less eating away at me.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

lies for me it's not about feeling old emotions, it's more about not focusing on my DP/DR but shifting my focus onto the world around me. Actually in some ways I have stopped focusing! I am not thinking about eveything I am doing and about everything I am feeling, I am just liveing from moment to moment. Each moment that comes to me just comes smothly, I don't try to anticipate or prepare for the moment, I just let it happen and I put trust in the fact that my mind will find it's own way through the moment.

I just realize that no matter how much I think about something nothing will ever change unless I stop thinking and start acting. Thinking about (how do I do this) (how do I do that) all day long only puts our minds under enormous stress. We have to just let things happen normaly. 
Their is no HOW, but as my brother has been telling me for years ((JUST DO IT!))


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