# abrupt re-association



## brianjones (Sep 14, 2011)

Hey guys, I recently had a bit of a health scare and it kicked me out of my disassociated state and into a reassociated one. Anyways, I lay in bed and watched movies; so I started feeling better after my anxiety about my health ; and all my existential and disassociated feelings went away and so did the depression.

Anyways I started noticing that I was full of energy and kinda 'motivated' to do things--something I hadn't felt in ages. And also felt very in the moment. And then after the second day I realized I couldn't sit still and by the end of the day I was having a weird manic episode and I thought I was losing my mind. Like--I was so full of energy I was shaking and just felt really wired and totally present--but had this weird depressive feeling--wasn't like the depression of old--it was like worse--and it would come and go and then I would feel a bit euphoric.

Anyways I saw a GP today and he said I didn't have bipolar and prescribed me zoloft--even though I told him that I wanted to take myself to hospital. But yeah--I'm not sure what to do.

I feel really manic and wired and just like weirdly anxious too but not traditionally anxious but super amp and buzzed. Like I've had 10 brain coffees. But I dont have any existential issues. all the 'how weird is it being here and thinking and how weird is the human body' and all that jazz has stopped. I feel totally immersed in myself but the self is an unstable and volatile thing that I cannot control and now I understand why disassociation might be necessary. Because this is a kind of other hell that is horrible in its own way and I'm not sure what to do about it right now. I've exhausted myself walking and its the only thing that can keep me calm so I'm just lying down--body is tired--mind is racing though.

Anyways happy days


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## brianjones (Sep 14, 2011)

Ok so after a few days of a weird kinda hell I've realized I am not in control of my moods. Although I am reattached I'm going from really happy to sad to depressed--I'm very shaky and tremory and just unstable. Sometimes I get very scared because my thoughts become really erratic and have a 'possesive' quality to them without fully possessing me. I'm really scared. Has anyone had anything like this ?

It would be nice to get some clarity. I've seen two GPs and a psychologist and neither of them said I had bipolar so yeah I'm totally terrified.


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## mana_war (Jul 3, 2014)

You are letting out the fight flight response that was frozen in your body repressed is my guess.


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## brianjones (Sep 14, 2011)

This is really bad and scary. I feel like this feeling will kill me--its killing me already.


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## pinggvin (Dec 16, 2017)

Go exercise all i can say


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