# IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY STRONG BELIEF IN GOD, I'D HANG MY FUCKING SELF IN THE TREE IN MY FRONT YARD RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

I'm so serious. FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








I'm sick of this healthcare system!!!!!!!
I'm sick of this dumbass president and his burnt-ass lips!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of feeling like a mindless zombie!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of the fear!!!!!!!
I'm sick of not feeling like any part of the only world I know!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of the discomfort!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of sick, twisted, stingy-with-the-good-medicine doctors!!!!!!!!! (WHO GIVES A SHIT IF I DID BECOME "DEPENDANT"?!!!!!!! AT LEAST I WOULDN'T HATE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!)
I'm sick of the nightmares!!!!!!!
I'm sick of watching my little brother grow up AND I CAN'T EVEN BE A GOOD BIG BROTHER TO HIM NO-MATTER HOW HARD I TRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of struggling to saty calm and not panic EVERY MOTHERFUCKING SECOND OF EVERY MOTHERFUCKING DAY WITH NO HELP FROM THESE FUCKING PUSSY DOCTORS!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of holding back my rage for this DP shit!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of pretending to everybody that i'm ok when NOT A FUCKING THING IS OK!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









I'M SO SICK NOW PASS ME A BIG FAT BRICK OF PURE POWDER FUCKING OXYCODONE SO I CAN FINALLY GET SOME PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Guest (Jul 7, 2010)

Take a benzo calm down, hell go fap 20 times


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Auldie said:


> Take a benzo calm down, hell go fap 20 times


IF THAT ****** ASS DOCTOR HADN'T CUT ME OFF THE XANAX AND ATIVAN I'D BEEN TAKING EVERYDAY FOR OVER A YEAR AND MADE ME GO INTO HELLISH WITHDRAWL A MONTH AGO, I'D STILL HAVE MY JOB AND WOULDN'T BE HIDING IN MY FUCKING HOUSE LIKE A HERMIT CRAB AFRAID TO POKE MY HEAD OUT!!!!!!!!!! IF I HAD MY BENZOS, I WOULDN'T BE ON THIS FORUM BITCHING AGAIN LIKE I WAS A LONG TIME AGO!!!!!!!!!!!


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

edit.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

insaticiable said:


> edit.


You didn't have to edit that, it wasn't a problem. I'm not in any way mad at you guys, I just want to die, but I can't.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)




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## Guest (Jul 7, 2010)

that leaves the second option, go fap thats a great way to clam down


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Auldie said:


> that leaves the second option, go fap thats a great way to clam down


If by fap, you mean jack off, i've already tried that and it only helped for about 3 seconds.


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## Guest (Jul 7, 2010)

Claymore said:


> If by fap, you mean jack off, i've already tried that and it only helped for about 3 seconds.


Go take a warm bath, or play some video games, or take a walk.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Claymore said:


> You didn't have to edit that, it wasn't a problem. I'm not in any way mad at you guys, I just want to die, but I can't.


I know Claymore...wait, can I call you Danny? I know the feeling all too well...it's horrible...its terrifying and painful...its undescribable. I don't have any words of wisdom to pass on to you, as I've only had this for 5 months, but tell you what. You're a true hero for having put up with this for as long as you have, and you're the definition of a fighter! You went and got a new job or so I read about a month ago. Sill have that going on? Anyways, my point is, you may feel defeated, you may feel like giving up, but i think half the battle is over. It can't get any harder than this right?

Oh, and the burnt lips president thing was hilarious! Im sorry you're suffering so bad.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Auldie said:


> Go take a warm bath, or play some video games, or take a walk.


Why do you think i'm so pissed? I've tried all those things, and all I can think about is making myself a uniq in front of a cothedrall of toddlars!!!!!!


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## Guest (Jul 7, 2010)

Well then the best thing i can say is to try and get some sleep.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

I'll write you guys tomorrow. I've written a LONG reply and accidently deleted it 3 times. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm just gonna knock myself out with over-the-counter sleep aids.


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## hoot (Jun 17, 2010)

Go do something (fun) and stop thinking, or at least stop paying attention to your thoughts. They are useless as fuck most of the time, especially right now. You are miserable? Yeah, who isn't. At least you're not starving, or have cancer. You're unemployed? Yeah, who isn't or isn't going to be in this economy. You're not a good big bro? Well, my sister wasn't a good big sis, but after she dealt with her issues, she became one and is one now, and I forgive her. Deal with your own issues first, then be a big brother.

You just gotta get out of your head dude, then you'll realize things aren't that bad. Sure, DP sucks, but you have decent physical health, you have food and water, you have clothes, you have a roof over your head, you have electricity. 2-3 billion people in the third world, and even many in the West, would kill to have that.

That's all I have to say. Good luck man.


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## flipwilson (Aug 19, 2006)

Hey Danny, Know I mean this with much respect but I gotta say this after reading your post, also know i understand completely where u are coming from, BUT....

You are at a fork in the road and I present to you in my opinion your next two options. I was Christian for basically my whole life until 28 I will be 30 this month. I am now deconverted. I tell you this because I know all about that life, that philosophy, and its teachings.

If you truly accept Christianity as truth then you should not be so surprised to find yourself in this moment. You are probably either being tested or attacked. Either way you don't have many options outside Christ healing you, and that obviously has not happened. But you still claim belief, you claim its keeping you around. Well what is your purpose, your mission as a Christian, why is God keeping you around? You have work to do maybe? Christ calls ALL believers to give testimony and to witness. He asks that you take up YOUR CROSS daily and follow him. Your only mission as a Christian is to be a "fisher of men" and to feed and cloth the poor. That is what Christ wants I'm sure you know this. DP may be your cross and you bitching about it is not going to change what God has obviously allowed to take place. Remember that, if you believe in God you must believe that he has fully allowed this pain to come upon you. Now why? Are you involved in church, in a ministry? Have you ever gone on a mission trip to a third world nation to get some perspective? have you ever went to the inner city and worked at a soup kitchen?

I don't think God's plan for you healthy or not is to be a hermit who's addicted to medication. Like i said, I say this with respect, but as someone who has been around my fair share of hypocrisy and the Christian sub culture it is hilarious to me to see many Christians on this site who bitch like the rest. Faith seems all good when you want someone to agree with your politics, or you want them to dig a new christian band, but this is the moment it was truly meant for and I never hear Christians on this site say anything about how their faith helps them other than not shooting themselves. Where is this power and glory?

Option 2...

Discard your faith or at the very least question it. Maybe attaching your ego onto something so fickle and thin helped break you down. I for one got really sick of yelling to the shadows and getting no reply. To cry real tears to something that may just be bronze age mythology is truly horrifying after the fact. Discard it and be left with yourself. Not the version of you you want to create but left with the real you, mental illness and all. Face this life head on regardless of someone coming to save you. Do it for your family, do it for friends, do it for the future self that won't be as sick and will be so glad he stuck around. If your only reason not to kill yourself is the belief in a Jewish God then life was pretty empty regardless.

HAVE SOME PRIDE and do life for YOU. When I deconverted I felt like shit. Not only had I already felt abandoned but now I was casting off the 'last hope' in my mind. But that miracle in my opinion will never come and we latch on to this stuff out of fear. I forgot who said this but "God is a place you will wait for the rest of your life." It breeds fear, creates a cycle of fear, of guilt, of shame.I thought the same way you do. If this God i devoted my life to is fake then im gonna just end it. But then I realized FUCK THAT. I saw pictures of me as a kid, not knowing a damn thing about God or the Bible and living perfectly happy and whole. I plan on getting that way again and my first step was to forget everything i was taught, what i knew, or what I thought I knew, to stop claiming truth and actually start looking for it. I believe that's the one beauty of DP is to break us down at square one and now we can start again in a sick sort of way.

"I know your deeds, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I will spit you out of my mouth"

History has known a zillion tragedies and many have made the most of pure hell. you have one of many ailments that a human can experience. Kids die of leukimia everyday, some poor sap just lost his mind to schizophrenia, another was born blind and deaf, another with MS. Innocent people get shot and raped and swindled. We're on planet pain man and we have to survive and not play the coward.

peace. and PLEASE don't kill yourself.


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## Teresa (Nov 23, 2009)

Im sorry Claymore that its so bad for u right now. I cant belief the doctor stopped giving u antidepressives....

Sometimes I would wish that u all lived i Denmark so u could get free doctors and free psychiatrists... No one here would ever force anybody off the antidepressives so they would loose their job...









Dont u have any cognitive therapists where u live? U need to learn to change your anxiety and depressed thoughts into positive thoughts, så u wont panic as much...

Just remember... DP is totally harmless.... Its just really anoying... but its there because u are afraid of it... Its your owm doing... U need to get the anxiety treated, and the DP will fade away... There must be some help to get... change doctor... get a new psychiatrist....

I myself use sports, mindfullness and camille-tea (dont know if u got it where u live, but its callming)

I hope this helps...

And btw.... I like Obama... He is much better than that konservative-rich people should get richer-McCain and Sarah-no brain-Palin...

U need a social democrat like we got in north europe, so u all can get free help with youre anxiety and DP...

Take care...


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## DPNOrway (Apr 29, 2010)

flipwilson said:


> Hey Danny, Know I mean this with much respect but I gotta say this after reading your post, also know i understand completely where u are coming from, BUT....
> 
> You are at a fork in the road and I present to you in my opinion your next two options. I was Christian for basically my whole life until 28 I will be 30 this month. I am now deconverted. I tell you this because I know all about that life, that philosophy, and its teachings.
> 
> ...


Thumbs up for this








I would rather have DP thatn be religious of any sort btw.
And if you arent religious you can actually fight this fucking thing, if you just think everything will be fine after you die, you are going to be disappointed :/


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

flipwilson said:


> Hey Danny, Know I mean this with much respect but I gotta say this after reading your post, also know i understand completely where u are coming from, BUT....
> 
> You are at a fork in the road and I present to you in my opinion your next two options. I was Christian for basically my whole life until 28 I will be 30 this month. I am now deconverted. I tell you this because I know all about that life, that philosophy, and its teachings.
> 
> ...


Wow, how about NOOOOOOOOO lol. You obviously haven't heard me say why I believe. I know i'm not talking to shadows, lets just say I got the proof I needed the moment I excepted Christ, when you've had a personal experience like that, you really don't need much else. I'm not deconverting like a wuss just because i'm angry. Man, you people gamble with your souls when your not even 100% percent sure you have one. Why in the world would someone take that chance anyway? Whatever.

I don't believe because I was raised to believe. I believe because when I was 16, I decided I wanted Christ in my life and he zapped me with something so great and powerfull I couldn't move or stop crying. So you can give up your faith if you want but its' out of the question for me.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Teresa said:


> Im sorry Claymore that its so bad for u right now. I cant belief the doctor stopped giving u antidepressives....
> 
> Sometimes I would wish that u all lived i Denmark so u could get free doctors and free psychiatrists... No one here would ever force anybody off the antidepressives so they would loose their job...
> 
> ...


Thanks, and i'm conservative, lol. But i'm not rich by any means. And Obama can suck on deez-nuts.


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Claymore said:


> I'm so serious. FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm so sorry. I know how you feel I am sick of it too and I have only had it for about 2 months. It wont be like this forever just keep your faith you solider through it. God will guide you don't give up. Unfortunately I have lost my faith in god over the years and am now trying to find my path back. I really wish you the best of luck!


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Rogue Bullies said:


> I'm so sorry. I know how you feel I am sick of it too and I have only had it for about 2 months. It wont be like this forever just keep your faith you solider through it. God will guide you don't give up. Unfortunately I have lost my faith in god over the years and am now trying to find my path back. I really wish you the best of luck!


I know it won't be like this forever. And I don't blame God in any way for this, its not his fault, I triggered this by drinking Robotussin and smoking Pot at the same time and ending up in the hospital. I know Heaven will be the complete opposite of pain but I want to do something good for God in THIS life. And now I don't think i'm any good to anyone like this, i'm useless, just a burden to everyone I come in contact with. But there is no explaining away the experience I had with Jesus, it was unexplainably beautifull. God's love for us is so strong that you can physically touch it. It ingulfed my body and I would have fell to the ground if my Dad hadn't caught me. This blissfull, tangible, warm peace just was flowing through me, it was so strong that when it hit me, I burst instantly into tears for no reason and I started thanking God and yelling Jesus' name. I couldn't control what I was saying. And I wasn't in Church, I was in my Aunt's living room with her, my Uncle, and my Dad. A few seconds before that happened, I really didn't believe in God, but I had been begging him to SHOW me he existed in a way I could understand, AND HE REALLY DID!!!. All I had to do was focus on Him and try my best to believe in my heart that He was the Son of God. We said amen, I looked over at my Uncle and BOOM, it was like a lighting bolt from Heaven hit me.

But this always helps me when my faith is fading. I put on this song (music is in my soul lol) and try to feel God around me. Sooner or later I do.





Flyleaf is a Christian band believe it or not.

And here is another song from another Christian band I love!!!. THIS BAND IS ELECTRIC!!!. The drummer is only 17, she gives me chills.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Here are two more.
http://www.youtube.c...feature=related

A lot of the time my relationship with God feels like this http://www.youtube.c...h?v=hyDt6ujGr9o. Another great Christian band.
But its at those times that I have to cling to God the closest.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

I tried to resist posting in here for many reasons but FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK man, It is so obvious to anyone but yourself that your whole identity and psychology and state of mind and personality is tied to your belief in "god" and "jesus" in such a negative way. You really need to go for option 2.

Great music btw, Violins are always cool in rockmusic of any subgenre. Infact Yellowcard is one of my favorite bands and they use violins alot.

Peace.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

"Anxiety and uncertainty can cause us to become more idealistic and more radical in our religious beliefs, according to new findings by York University researchers, published in this month's issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology."

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/07/100706103404.htm


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Inzom said:


> I tried to resist posting in here for many reasons but FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK man, It is so obvious to anyone but yourself that your whole identity and psychology and state of mind and personality is tied to your belief in "god" and "jesus" in such a negative way. You really need to go for option 2.
> 
> Great music btw, Violins are always cool in rockmusic of any subgenre. Infact Yellowcard is one of my favorite bands and they use violins alot.
> 
> Peace.


Oh God!!!, Chris, what tha hell man?!!!







. When are you going to realize that i'm not going to suck the devil's dick?. You guy's just don't get it. I KNOOOOOOWWWW GOD IS REAL!!!!! I know it for a fact!!!!. I don't have to question it. And if I know he's real, then I will NEVER pick option 2, EVEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!. I'm one of the lucky ones that God decided to proove His existence to, even though He didn't have to. And i'm not going with your flawed HUMAN logic, its utterly rediculous for you or flip to think that I would deconvert because you are bitter and want to find every possible reason not to believe. It is such an idiotic thing to believe what you do. Check this, you think that after we die, we cease to exist, we just die. If that was so, then you would lose nothing. But if you ARE wrong, then you will suffer endlessly for eternity. You DO know what ETERNITY means don't you? It is SOOOO STUPID to take a chance like that JUST so you can be correct and think you (A FLAWED HUMAN!!!) have figured out the secrets of life on your own when there is an endless UNIVERSE out there, and you think you are so special that you've figured it all out. HOW POMPUS!!!. And I don't care how God is linked to my life, I just know He is and thats all I need.

And yes I love this music so much.


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Claymore said:


> I know it won't be like this forever. And I don't blame God in any way for this, its not his fault, I triggered this by drinking Robotussin and smoking Pot at the same time and ending up in the hospital. I know Heaven will be the complete opposite of pain but I want to do something good for God in THIS life. And now I don't think i'm any good to anyone like this, i'm useless, just a burden to everyone I come in contact with. But there is no explaining away the experience I had with Jesus, it was unexplainably beautifull. God's love for us is so strong that you can physically touch it. It ingulfed my body and I would have fell to the ground if my Dad hadn't caught me. This blissfull, tangible, warm peace just was flowing through me, it was so strong that when it hit me, I burst instantly into tears for no reason and I started thanking God and yelling Jesus' name. I couldn't control what I was saying. And I wasn't in Church, I was in my Aunt's living room with her, my Uncle, and my Dad. A few seconds before that happened, I really didn't believe in God, but I had been begging him to SHOW me he existed in a way I could understand, AND HE REALLY DID!!!. All I had to do was focus on Him and try my best to believe in my heart that He was the Son of God. We said amen, I looked over at my Uncle and BOOM, it was like a lighting bolt from Heaven hit me.
> 
> But this always helps me when my faith is fading. I put on this song (music is in my soul lol) and try to feel God around me. Sooner or later I do.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the songs I will listen to them when I get home from work. You sound a lot like my BF he was not a believer and then one day he said god just came to him and showed him the way. He showed him he was real (not really sure how?). Anyway he constantly is looking for why god put him here and what his purpose to god is. Sorry the DP is giving you hell right now. I woke up one day and didn't know who I was LOL terrible. It know its super hard, but you are young (as am I) and have your whole life ahead of you. You have a lot to live for so keep up the recovery battle! You will succeed.


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

You know, I bet Hell isn't all that bad.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Rogue Bullies said:


> Thanks for the songs I will listen to them when I get home from work. You sound a lot like my BF he was not a believer and then one day he said god just came to him and showed him the way. He showed him he was real (not really sure how?). Anyway he constantly is looking for why god put him here and what his purpose to god is. Sorry the DP is giving you hell right now. I woke up one day and didn't know who I was LOL terrible. It know its super hard, but you are young (as am I) and have your whole life ahead of you. You have a lot to live for so keep up the recovery battle! You will succeed.


Thanks. What is your name btw? I'm Dannie. And you need to ask Him what God did to make him believe, I wonder if it was anything like what happened to me. And I conciensly made the decision. Did he do it on purpose? And tell him that until God shows him his OWN special purpose, its only his job to share what God did for him with other people, the rest is up to them. Its never our job to convict someones heart and make them believe. Thats God's job, we don't have the power to do that. And idk, i've been fighting this for 4 years, I guess if i'm not dead yet, then i'm not out yet. But that dosen't make it hurt any less.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Bear said:


> You know, I bet Hell isn't all that bad.


Not to offend you, but comments like that are so vain. If God was going to make a place for a traitor to go, who is a spirit (talking about the devil) do you think He would make it "not that bad"?. Unless you just said that to be smart?. And you guys notice how i'm not going into your threads telling you how retarded you are for being an athiest do you? But since this is MY thread........................YOU GUYS ARE SO FREAKING RETARDED, to believe a science that would give anything to convince the entire world that there is no god. So predictable







. EXACTLY what God said would happen.





 HAHA I luv em too.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

Claymore said:


> It is SOOOO STUPID to take a chance like that JUST so you can be correct and think you (A FLAWED HUMAN!!!) have figured out the secrets of life on your own when there is an endless UNIVERSE out there, and you think you are so special that you've figured it all out. HOW POMPUS!!!.


you do realize this is exactly what you are doing as well dannie, don't you? someone could say the same thing to you that you think you have figured out the secrets of life on your own even though there is an endless universe out there. i definitely agree with what you are saying but i want you to realize it goes both ways.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

peachy said:


> you do realize this is exactly what you are doing as well dannie, don't you? someone could say the same thing to you that you think you have figured out the secrets of life on your own even though there is an endless universe out there. i definitely agree with what you are saying but i want you to realize it goes both ways.


Someone could say that, but think really deeply. I'm not going to you or Chris or flip and telling you that you need to stop being an athiest because "this is the way it is, and believing what you do is only making your life worse and making you sound stupid" . I leave you guys alone pretty much because you have made your choice. I don't know all the secrets, and the decision to believe in God, alot of it was made for me by him. I didn't have to create my own awnsers out of thin air.


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Claymore said:


> Thanks. What is your name btw? I'm Dannie. And you need to ask Him what God did to make him believe, I wonder if it was anything like what happened to me. And I conciensly made the decision. Did he do it on purpose? And tell him that until God shows him his OWN special purpose, its only his job to share what God did for him with other people, the rest is up to them. Its never our job to convict someones heart and make them believe. Thats God's job, we don't have the power to do that. And idk, i've been fighting this for 4 years, I guess if i'm not dead yet, then i'm not out yet. But that dosen't make it hurt any less.


Krystal









He started working at this auto shop that had a bible study group everyone had to go to. I remember him saying how he thought it was dumb he had to go blah blah. Idk what really happen he started going and liking it and then he said god just showed him the way. I'll ask him about it more in detail when I get home. He doesn't try to convert anyone he is very casual about it, but if someone asks he straight up says what he believes in. He also believes in worshiping in his own way he doesn't like a lot of church type people who tend to think they are better because he knows its not suppose to be about that. He does look for his purpose that god gave him and is ready to do the purpose at any time. He is not does not push it on anyone not even me and maybe I need the help









4 fucking years!!!! It hasn't subsided at all? So sorry to hear that, what is exactly happen when you got it? You will get better, it just is going to take time. Keep up the recovery work!

EDIT: To add my therapist is a believer and we have spoke about it. She says there is actual scientific studies that they are researching proving god is real. I'll post the side when I get home she gave me. I am a very sciencey person, but I have always been raised as a believer.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

Claymore said:


> Someone could say that, but think really deeply. I'm not going to you or Chris or flip and telling you that you need to stop being an athiest because "this is the way it is, and believing what you do is only making your life worse and making you sound stupid" . I leave you guys alone pretty much because you have made your choice. I don't know all the secrets, and the decision to believe in God, alot of it was made for me by him. I didn't have to create my own awnsers out of thin air.


actually you do make it sound like anyone that doesn't believe what you do is making the wrong choice and is stupid/whatever other choice word. i'm just playing devil's advocate (no pun intended lol). think about it. and i know you would never personally attack me on my beliefs. and this is your thread so you can say whatever you wish but you do imply in your threads these frames of mind, whether that is where you are coming from or not. i'll put it this way. i'd probably be christian if i never met other christians to turn me off of it. it's very off-puting hearing my best friend or someone that i am close to tell me that my way is wrong and they know that above me and that somehow makes them better. i want to believe in something bigger than me that promotes an open mind and love. and yes, your religion does that. but not the community that belongs to it. never have i seen it that way. i hope some christian proves me wrong one day.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

ps....i'm really sorry that dp is acting up for you. that stinks. i didn't hear from you for a while so i assume you were doing good for a while, right?


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Rogue Bullies said:


> Krystal
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hey Krystal,










First, I wasn't referring to all science, should have been more specific. There are 2 sides to everything, even science.
Second, I don't go to church a lot either. Everyone is different and worships in there own way just like your BF thinks. For instance, I can worship with non-Christian songs just by my thoughts while i'm listening or playing them. Your BF and I sound like we believe the same way, lol.
Third, no you don't need help. You will believe again when you choose to. No one can make that decision for you. But don't stop searching for God, because he promises that if you seek him, you WILL find him, as did I.
Fourth, no it hasnt subsided. It got worse.

I drank 4 1/2 oz of Robotussin DM just to try it with my cousin when I was 16. I didn't wait long enough for it to kick in and smoked the equivalent of about a blunt and a half and got so high I thought I had died or was going to go insane. I was unconsolable and was convinced my heart was going to burst. I was walking around screaming my brains out. Got to the hospital and layed in the bed shaking for 8 hours in terror. A lot of that high just never wore of.


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Claymore said:


> Hey Krystal,
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That sounds terrible. I had a close experience to yours, but not as bad. I ate a pot cookie and thought I was in a dream and freaked out (shaking, puking etc). After that I didn't feel the same I think I had anxiety or something from it and then 2 days later I was driving to work talking to a friend about it and I just got that dream feeling all over again. I felt like I had the flu for about a week went to the doctor several times, then I learned about DP. It was weird too, because I had smoked weed on and off since I was like 13 and never had an issue. Now I just feel like this random pointless person thing lol.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

peachy said:


> actually you do make it sound like anyone that doesn't believe what you do is making the wrong choice and is stupid/whatever other choice word. i'm just playing devil's advocate (no pun intended lol). think about it. and i know you would never personally attack me on my beliefs. and this is your thread so you can say whatever you wish but you do imply in your threads these frames of mind, whether that is where you are coming from or not. i'll put it this way. i'd probably be christian if i never met other christians to turn me off of it. it's very off-puting hearing my best friend or someone that i am close to tell me that my way is wrong and they know that above me and that somehow makes them better. i want to believe in something bigger than me that promotes an open mind and love. and yes, your religion does that. but not the community that belongs to it. never have i seen it that way. i hope some christian proves me wrong one day.


Its not a Christian's job to prove you wrong so don't count on it. And what we are simply saying is that we know this in a way that didn't really come to us by choice, and its hard to keep something like that in. You are listening to what humans think. Humans are smart but do not have the right to say that they KNOW there is no God. Some believers are pushy. But I don't need to prove anything to anyone, unlike athiests who feel an urge to tell us we are random?. And the perfect balance of existence is random?. I don't think so. And I don't go into your threads pushing anything on you. You're right, this is my thread, so me saying this here dosen't count. lol. And thanks. I hope this new doc gives my benzos back on the 12th, if not, IDK what i'll do.


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

Claymore said:


> Not to offend you, but comments like that are so vain. If God was going to make a place for a traitor to go, who is a spirit (talking about the devil) do you think He would make it "not that bad"?. Unless you just said that to be smart?. And you guys notice how i'm not going into your threads telling you how retarded you are for being an athiest do you? But since this is MY thread........................YOU GUYS ARE SO FREAKING RETARDED, to believe a science that would give anything to convince the entire world that there is no god. So predictable
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I was just being smart.







I thought God loves and forgives everyone, though? Whatupwiddat?


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Rogue Bullies said:


> That sounds terrible. I had a close experience to yours, but not as bad. I ate a pot cookie and thought I was in a dream and freaked out (shaking, puking etc). After that I didn't feel the same I think I had anxiety or something from it and then 2 days later I was driving to work talking to a friend about it and I just got that dream feeling all over again. I felt like I had the flu for about a week went to the doctor several times, then I learned about DP. It was weird too, because I had smoked weed on and off since I was like 13 and never had an issue. Now I just feel like this random pointless person thing lol.


Yeah I smoked pot since I was 11 and I never had an issue either, I loved it. And I think the drugs just triggered an already underlying issue for us.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

lol i dont mean literally prove me wrong. i hope they are just a living example and embodiment of love rather than full of fear.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Bear said:


> I was just being smart.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No, he forgives people who first of all, believe he's real in the first place lol. And second, people who are truly sorry and ask for forgivness. But He does love everyone, unconditionally, nomatter what they do.

And who dosen't love rise against?


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

peachy said:


> lol i dont mean literally prove me wrong. i hope they are just a living example and embodiment of love rather than full of fear.


As long as we are human, we will all be fearfull sometimes. And look at what you just said, that is exactly what Jesus said to be, so we set an example to unbelievers. Wonder how he knew to say that, lol.


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

Claymore said:


> No, he forgives people who first of all, believe he's real in the first place lol. And second, people who are truly sorry and ask for forgivness. But He does love everyone, unconditionally, nomatter what they do.
> 
> And who dosen't love rise against?


What about the people that wish they could believe? What happens to them?


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Bear said:


> What about the people that wish they could believe? What happens to them?


That is where the very powerfull word, faith, comes in. I didn't get anywhere until I said "ok, I want to believe. But why don't I just do what Jesus said, and have faith in what he said and who he said he was?". It was only when I made that decision, that he gave me what I needed to know he was there. I haven't been the same person since.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

First of all there is a difference between being an atheist and a satanist (sucking satans dick? cmon man) I value universal love and respect and understanding above all else. The fact that I do not project this so much here on the forum is because even if I dont talk much about it, my depression and anxiety and dp/dr is really really really bad. 
Secondly we as humans absolutely have the right to say that there is no god just as much as we have the right to say there is. Also we cant be 100% sure of either. Also, educate yourself. Christians have a waaaaaaay longer trackrecord of pushing their agenda than atheist have.


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## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

hey i said that to my shrink the other day...


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Bear said:


> What about the people that wish they could believe? What happens to them?


This is kinda where I am at. I want to but its hard for me as I question everything. I just got home and asked my BF on his experience. I guess in the group bible study thing at work he went to it, but told them he didn't believe and they asked if he wanted to try to ask god if he would reveal himself or not (his choice). He told them he would try, but didn't think anything of it. He said after that slowly he just kind of understood. He didn't see god per say god just made him realize he was there. He made the choice to keep going to the bible study thing at his work.

Here is that site my therapist told me about that relates the bible to science http://www.answersingenesis.org/ I haven't really had a chance to check it out to much yet. As far as Christians go most don't try to force it on others. That's more of a jehovah witness type thing and some other religions do it too. My BF actually didn't like the jehovahs who use to come to the door because they were to pushy even though hes a believer too.


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## JessMess (Jan 8, 2009)

hey, i saw your post. im in a band and i got this new song but need lyrics, can i use your really fucked up poem???


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Inzom said:


> First of all there is a difference between being an atheist and a satanist (sucking satans dick? cmon man) I value universal love and respect and understanding above all else. The fact that I do not project this so much here on the forum is because even if I dont talk much about it, my depression and anxiety and dp/dr is really really really bad.
> Secondly we as humans absolutely have the right to say that there is no god just as much as we have the right to say there is. Also we cant be 100% sure of either. Also, educate yourself. Christians have a waaaaaaay longer trackrecord of pushing their agenda than atheist have.


Chris, I love you as a friend dude, I sincerely do. But dude, this argument we keep having over the years is pointless. You don't believe what I do, and thats fine for you I guess. And I don't believe what you do, and I never will. I'm convinced God is there, end of story. I've done my part in sharing my experiences with you, there is nothing more I can do or say. I know the truth, I am 100% sure of it. I don't think you are 100% sure of what you think, and the real truth is, I WISH so much that you could see what I did so you would know too. But that is not up to me. So can I respectfully ask that you and I drop this between each other and just communicate as friends, normally, and not debating this issue?.


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## JessMess (Jan 8, 2009)

so was that a yes or a no? lol


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## JessMess (Jan 8, 2009)

fuck u know what i jst realized that is a linkin park song hahaha


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

JessMess said:


> hey, i saw your post. im in a band and i got this new song but need lyrics, can i use your really fucked up poem???


Of course you can. And it really wasn't a poem lol







. I just wrote every thought that was coming to my head. Hey I make music too, i'm a guitarist. You see the Shecter Hellraiser i'm leaning against, drunk, in my peicture don't you?. Thats my baby, her name is Autumn lol. Maybe we can help each other, PM me sometime.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

JessMess said:


> fuck u know what i jst realized that is a linkin park song hahaha


HAHA yeah one of my favs.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Rogue Bullies said:


> This is kinda where I am at. I want to but its hard for me as I question everything. I just got home and asked my BF on his experience. I guess in the group bible study thing at work he went to it, but told them he didn't believe and they asked if he wanted to try to ask god if he would reveal himself or not (his choice). He told them he would try, but didn't think anything of it. He said after that slowly he just kind of understood. He didn't see god per say god just made him realize he was there. He made the choice to keep going to the bible study thing at his work.
> 
> Here is that site my therapist told me about that relates the bible to science http://www.answersingenesis.org/ I haven't really had a chance to check it out to much yet. As far as Christians go most don't try to force it on others. That's more of a jehovah witness type thing and some other religions do it too. My BF actually didn't like the jehovahs who use to come to the door because they were to pushy even though hes a believer too.


Yeah, I didn't see God either. But you know when it says that the moment you are saved and except Christ that the Holy Spirit(which is God) will enter you heart? Well that appearently is meant litterally because thats what it felt like. I guess my human body couldn't really handle God being in there, lol, which is why I lost control of my body. But it did feel like the most loving spirit came into my body. I got to feel Heaven for about 2 straight hours, wish I felt that now







. But yes, God makes things known to you that you would have never known before, so I know what your BF is talking about.

But i'll look at the site now and post back in a sec.









OH and I tell Jehovah's Witness thanks but don't bother when they come, lol. Thats not what its about.


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## JessMess (Jan 8, 2009)

Claymore said:


> HAHA yeah one of my favs.


yeah..well someone give me some depressing lyrics or something lol. i dnt know just thought people as morbid as i am could help... ;p


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Claymore said:


> Wow, how about NOOOOOOOOO lol. You obviously haven't heard me say why I believe. I know i'm not talking to shadows, lets just say I got the proof I needed the moment I excepted Christ, when you've had a personal experience like that, you really don't need much else. I'm not deconverting like a wuss just because i'm angry. Man, you people gamble with your souls when your not even 100% percent sure you have one. Why in the world would someone take that chance anyway? Whatever.
> 
> I don't believe because I was raised to believe. I believe because when I was 16, I decided I wanted Christ in my life and he zapped me with something so great and powerfull I couldn't move or stop crying. So you can give up your faith if you want but its' out of the question for me.


I LOVE this. Good for you Dannie.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

JessMess said:


> yeah..well someone give me some depressing lyrics or something lol. i dnt know just thought people as morbid as i am could help... ;p


Read my posts again, I said yes you can use it. Unless i'm just misunderstanding your post here. lol


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> I LOVE this. Good for you Dannie.


Haha, thank you Sarah







. What flip said kinda shocked me. Sounds a little bit like something you know who would say if he was disguised as a human dosen't it?. NO FREAKING WAY i'm falling into that kind of deception.







Have to do better than that if you think you're going to make me turn my back on the most important person in my life.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Thanks Krystal!







I love this site, I saved it in my favoraites. The way they are questioning things is actually healthy as far as i've seen. And its very entertaining as well to read.


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Claymore said:


> Thanks Krystal!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Glad you like









I'll have to read some of it in a bit.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Rogue Bullies said:


> Glad you like
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Did you listen to the songs I put in this thread?


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Claymore said:


> Did you listen to the songs I put in this thread?


Shit no I forgot, I am about to go to bed but I will tomorrow I promise!









EDIT: I listen to all of them. Some great tunes I really like the skillet band. I think my BF may even like them. Thanks for the songs


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Last night I was thinking about this whole Atheist/Christian debate that has been going on, on this thread. Here is how I saw it, even when I was agnostic: What exactly do you have to lose in being a Christian? So say there is no heaven and no hell like Atheists believe. It would stand to reason that you'd feel no need to follow a path that would get you to any great reward because you don't believe in one. BUT what if there IS a heaven and hell? Which would you choose if you had to go one place? I, personally, would rather play it safe and choose heaven. If you are a Christian and die, only to find out that God and heaven were just a human myth, you have lost nothing. BUT if you are an atheist and die, and come to find out that heaven and hell are indeed real, you've lost EVERYTHING.

I believe that a lot of the passion behind the Atheistic viewpoint comes directly from some type of hurt you've suffered on the part of the "religious" community. I know that it certainly did for me. I grew up going to a Southern Baptist church and, unfortunately, like SO many churches out there, they had turned the focus away from God and onto themselves. Going there wasn't about worship, it was about being cool enough to fit in. These people were just a bunch of rich, judgemental snobs. They took things that are meant to be guidelines out of the bible and used them as a weapon against people who didn't know God. They took on the attitude that they were better than other people and used God's words, that were meant for good, to condemn everyone who wasn't exactly like them.

Let me just take a minute to make something perfectly clear. THIS IS NOT GOD. THIS IS NOT HOW GOD WANTS HIS CHILDREN TO ACT. God is NOT judgment and condemnation. God is love. As Psalm 139 says, he knit us together in our mother's wombs. His eyes saw our unformed bodies. Out of the up to 500 million sperm that are released in each male ejaculation, he picked the ONE out of 500 million so that you could become you. Then he gave us life because he thought that we were too beautiful to not share. We are his beautiful, one of a kind, priceless works of art and the utmost love and care was taken into creating you. Why would a father who loves his own children that much wish them to be self centered hate mongers? The answer is that he doesn't and any "Christian" who thinks that a relationship with God is about proving other people wrong, has their mind set in completely the wrong place.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. In my experience with this church, I felt incredibly judged. Like I wasn't good enough. Like I wasn't as holy as everyone else. When anyone feels attacked or rejected in that manner, it hurts. Hurt breeds anger (Anger is ALWAYS a cover for some other emotion) and anger lead me to be jaded enough to leave the church. I made the decision that if that was what Christianity was all about, I didn't want any part in it.

I spent many years with the same attitude and thought process that Inzom, Bear, and Flip (?) have. I was angry. I decided that a God who bred and condoned hate wasn't anything I wanted to do with. I got to the point where I just refused to even acknowledge his existence. I used the argument that the bible couldn't possibly he real or accurate because it had been destroyed, rewritten, and translated so many times. I argued that if there was a higher power out there, that bad things wouldn't happen. Anything an atheist has used, I used. And what really fueled all of this was the hurt of the rejection I felt with my first experience with "God". I tend to believe that, at the root of most (I cannot assume to know what other people think, so I cannot say all) of the most strongly opinionated Atheist, there is a whole lot of anger/hate happening. Look under that mask (as I said, anger is ALWAYS a cover for another emotion) and I am willing to bet that someone, or some church, or some experience with religion left them hurt or rejected or feeling judged or not good enough or maybe even abused when, what was meant only for good, was taken into human hands and twisted to do evil.

To all of the Atheists; I am not saying that you are wrong. Even being a Christian, I have NO proof that I am going to die and wake up in heaven. But you have no proof either that you are not. I know that most of this is probably going to fall on deaf ears but, please hear me out. I personally want to apologize for every single Christian out there who fails to live for God and instead uses God's word as a means to abuse others. The thing is that people tend to get so legalistic and wrapped up in religion but God is not about religion. Religion is a set of rules and beliefs that a group of like minded individuals come together under. God is not about rituals. Yes, he does have rules in his word and those rules, much like the ones our parents and our goverments give us, are there to protect us, not oppress us. He wants to protect our hearts, our minds, our emotional well being, and our bodies. The God that many of you many think you know, the angry and judemental God, is not the real God of heaven. I would ask, EVEN IF YOU HAVE BEFORE (Because I tend to think that it might have just been a quest to disprove Christianity and not actually SEE what was right in front of your eyes) that you read the bible and seek to understand the TRUE nature of God. Leave other flawed humans out of this equation. Pick up a bible and read it, with an open mind, and really see what the bible has to say about who God is and how he sees the world. Don't speed through the bible angrily. Read it as if it is a new idea that you've never seen. Read it with fresh, unopinionated, and non judgmental eyes. Then, make your decision.

I am not going to say that you are right or wrong. None of us is going to find out what the truth is until we die. Until then, all we can do is guess. I just tend to think, why not seek out the real God of heaven? Why not see that a relationship with Him can be beautiful? Especially why not make sure that you are SURE that you aren't going to die to find out that there really is a heaven and hell and have it be too late? Like I said in the beginning, being a Christian, you have nothing to lose. Being an Atheist, you may have everything to lose. Just make an EDUCATED decision and I will respect you for whatever you decide in the end.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Rogue Bullies said:


> Shit no I forgot, I am about to go to bed but I will tomorrow I promise!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Skillet is in my top 5! I bet he'd like them.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> Last night I was thinking about this whole Atheist/Christian debate that has been going on, on this thread. Here is how I saw it, even when I was agnostic: What exactly do you have to lose in being a Christian? So say there is no heaven and no hell like Atheists believe. It would stand to reason that you'd feel no need to follow a path that would get you to any great reward because you don't believe in one. BUT what if there IS a heaven and hell? Which would you choose if you had to go one place? I, personally, would rather play it safe and choose heaven. If you are a Christian and die, only to find out that God and heaven were just a human myth, you have lost nothing. BUT if you are an atheist and die, and come to find out that heaven and hell are indeed real, you've lost EVERYTHING.
> 
> I believe that a lot of the passion behind the Atheistic viewpoint comes directly from some type of hurt you've suffered on the part of the "religious" community. I know that it certainly did for me. I grew up going to a Southern Baptist church and, unfortunately, like SO many churches out there, they had turned the focus away from God and onto themselves. Going there wasn't about worship, it was about being cool enough to fit in. These people were just a bunch of rich, judgemental snobs. They took things that are meant to be guidelines out of the bible and used them as a weapon against people who didn't know God. They took on the attitude that they were better than other people and used God's words, that were meant for good, to condemn everyone who wasn't exactly like them.
> 
> ...


MAN, if I could have thought to put it in these words maybe someone would have listened to me. This is the way I wanted to put it all along but couldn't find the words. This is fantastic Sarah!







. I believe exactly like this. You should put this post in its own thread. See guys, Sarah and I had extremely similar experiences with God when we got saved. Sarah why don't you mention that? Up to you.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Just found out that my Uncl-in-law/Pastor for 6 years has been cheating on my mom's sister. Hes getting kicked out of the church hes pastered for over 30 years. I CANT FREAKING BELIEVE it!!!!! I've taken advice from this guy for 4 years.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Claymore said:


> Just found out that my Uncl-in-law/Pastor for 6 years has been cheating on my mom's sister. Hes getting kicked out of the church hes pastered for over 30 years. I CANT FREAKING BELIEVE it!!!!! I've taken advice from this guy for 4 years.


Everyone sins Dannie. You sin when you cuss, I sin when I talk crap, your uncle sinned for cheating. We all have to ask for forgiveness and it's thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. Yes, it is bad and hurtful but God forgives everything.

Btw, thank you about the post.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> Everyone sins Dannie. You sin when you cuss, I sin when I talk crap, your uncle sinned for cheating. We all have to ask for forgiveness and it's thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. Yes, it is bad and hurtful but God forgives everything.
> 
> Btw, thank you about the post.


I'm not angry at him. It is just shocking the crap out of me. I know this guy really well, you would NEVER know!!!!


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

I think you guys will like these lyrics. It is one of my favorite songs actually.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

And so is this:






[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5BEaE4ar4g


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Inzom said:


> And so is this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This reply only cements what I said about Atheists being full of hate and anger toward God. Anger is always a cover for a deeper emotion and, honestly Chris, if you want the Philosophy of your life to be "Love is our resistance", you are going to have to do some soul searching and expel that anger. It is incredibly hypocritical to claim to be of a belief where you want global love and have so much hate inside of your heart.

And yes, I realize that some very mislead Christians fall under this same heading. That is the point that I have been trying to make all along. God tells his children to love your neighbor as yourself. Consider everyone else as better than yourself. Unfortunately, there are the George W Bushes of the world that make all Christians look like greedy, war hungry, hate mongers. We are NOT all like that.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Oh you misunderstood me. I wasnt posting these videos to reflect my personal values or beliefs. To be honest I had 2 threads open at once and one of them was the thread where you guys posted Rise Against videos and what not. I just wanted to share the first Copeland video because it is good and I thought you christian people would like it. But then I wanted to display that you can like different kinds of music without agreeing with the message. I mean, I like all kinds of music as entertainment/art/expression. Listening to for example Burzum does not make you a church-burning satanist just as listening to Mercy Me does not make you a christian.

The same way watching horrormovies does not make you a murderer or watching The Notebook make you gay







If that were the case I´d be one gay massmurderer.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

I should have posted all three videos in the same post to avoid confusion. Or in another thread. Or not at all.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Inzom said:


> I should have posted all three videos in the same post to avoid confusion. Or in another thread. Or not at all.


Don't worry Chris or Sarah







. I kinda like watching you guys share your sides. Of course I agree with Sarah but Chris, I don't want you to feel unwelcome in my threads, you are welcome anywhere I am, you are my friend, just like Sarah







. I just don't want to debate this personally because we've done it so many times. Just wanted to make sure you knew that.


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