# Has anyone experienced these symptoms? Am I different?



## freesong (Dec 26, 2005)

I wrote a little about my symtoms in my introduction but I am going to try to be more detail oriented here. In short, my dp/dr symtoms came on while I was withdrawing from xanax tranquilizers after being on them for 23 years. I was put on them because I was trying to cope with a very seriously ill husband and kept on them for the same reason. I experienced severe trauma for years. My husband was very abusive and it wasn't until the last two years of our marriage that he was tested and diagnosed sociopath. During those years I experienced lots of depression and anxiety but never had this kind of thing. At least when I was depressed, I could feel things. I could still feel joy and a part of life. Now, after a second of time when everything changed ( yes, for me it happened in a second) my whole reality is altered. It is as if I see the world and my house but they are different. There is no connection to the life force (for lack of another word) that was there in relation to nature and the world around me anymore. I see the trees outside my window and they are different. Everything is flat and lifeless. I am lifeless and kind of unattached from my emotions as if I am a zombie. I experience physical symptoms of ringing in my ears and some visual disturbances that I would describe as whirling black things when I come in from outside. (from light into darkness) I have alot more muscle aches around my neck and shoulders. I cannot cry like I used to. I do cry sometimes but the emotions are stifled and it never lasts too long. I don't feel as much empathy with others who are starving in other countries and other similar social conditions which used to be a huge concern for me. I am really noit the same person inside. I tend to be more claustrophobic than I ever remember being before. I used to get euphoric feelings sometimes when I would behold a beautiful sunset or even awaken from sleep with a wonderful sense of awe that I can't describe. I had felt all these feelings since childhood. Now I feel only emptiness. It is as if someone took my soul. When I watch t.v. it is different somehow. It is still the same but I don't feel a connection with the emotions shown and the shows are distant from me as if I am watching from some detached altered place. These are the same shows that I used to watch with so much intensity and involvement that I would actually cry or feel with the actors. Now I watch like some robot and wish I could feel something more. My mind obsesses with regrets and trying to figure out why this has happened to me. I want to sleep but it does not provide the escape that I would like because the dreams are even different. They are kind of shadowy now and vague. They used to be so vivid and light and realistic. I awaken in the morning without any excitement and feeling empty immediately. I have great difficulty visualizing things in my mind and my memories are dim. Time seems different to me too. It is as if the days are shorter as well as the nights. I long to feel again and to be normal. I used to take so many things for granted but now if I could just have my life back, I would cherish every moment and never complain again. This is a living nightmare and I am so impressed with all of those who are keeping such a good attitude and not complaining. I am not telling those who are close to me because when I have tried to talk about it they simply can't relate and tend to give me solutions that just don't work. Most just think I am exaggerating and I'm sure secretly think I am a little crazy. You wouldn't believe the kinds of advice I have gotten which has taught me to never advise about things I have never experienced and to never minimize what another is going through. It is very lonely as I am sure many of you know. I am so glad to have found this site in that at least we are all in this together. I can relate to some on here more than others but I can certainly tell everyone is suffering in their experience. I hate to talk this much about myself so please forgive me but I do want to make sure that there are others who have it this way or this bad. I appreciate your time in commenting if you will. I have time right now to research because I am unable to work yet. So, if you have anything you need checked out, e-mail me and I will do my best to find out about it. I hope and pray that we all find our solutions soon or like some just come out of it. God bless all, freesong


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## Misty (Nov 17, 2004)

Don't worry Freesong, I feel the same way. Just empty inside. You're not the only one in the world that feels like this. For years I thought I was nuts for feeling this way and didn't tell a soal because I was afraid they would either tell me I'm phychopath or lock me a padded room. It wasn't until two or three years ago that I finally came out and told someone about it. That's when I found out about DP. It is really hard to live daily life but just remember that we all are here for you to talk to and I am always here to lend an ear!!! Just keep it one day at a time. :wink:


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## freesong (Dec 26, 2005)

Misty, Thanks so much for your reply. It is so wonderful to have people care so much that are going through the same thing. I am sorry that you have to endure this too. I am so angry that there is no cure out there or no magical pill we can take to bring us back alive. To me this is the worst thing that could happen in that we were made to feel. Without the feelings and the connection to the universe it is as if we are the walking dead. Thanks again and if you ever want to talk, e-mail me. God bless, freesong


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## Guest (Jan 4, 2006)

Freesong I read your post and I only have just a few minutes but I just had to reassure you that I feel excactly the same as you, I remember the moment it happen I was listening to music and all of a sudden (now this is how I exsplain it, it may sound crazy but I'm NOT) all of a sudden my head felt like it disconnected from my body but not in a phisical sense but I guess you could say a spiritual sense, now does that make cents? (sesne) how ever ya spell it!!! for crying out loud!!! anyways it felt like I just spilt apart! in the inside and I was so spaced out! it felt like it was physical but I went to so many docters and had so many test done and then they told me to see a physichiatrist and it broke my heart I couldn't stop crying I just wanted to die! well I'd like you to email me if you want some one to talk to about this I'm fairly new to this site and don't know anyone, So if ya want to you can email me if you don't thats ok too I know we don't know each other so it wouldn't affend me if ya didn't so hope to hear from ya, My daughter is driving me crazy waiting for me to get off the computer so I better go.
I hope this helps you feel better and know your not the only one with this problem. Your not alone! God bless and protect
talk to ya later Rebecca 
[email protected] or [email protected]


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## freesong (Dec 26, 2005)

Rebecca, Thanks so much for responding to my post. It is so frightening to have this as I am sure you are aware. You seem like the kindest person and yes, I can relate to feeling as though your head disconnected from your body. That is exactly how I felt at one pt. during the time I was coming off the Xanax cold-turkey. I told everyone about it. I am so sorry you had to go through that too. It must be so hard to be raising a child in this situation. You are certainly welcome to e-mail me anytime and I will write back promptly. I know that I need the support of others who are dealing with this because it is so strange and most regular folks just can't relate at all. I know there has to be an answer out there for all of us and I am doing everything I can to find it. I am researching daily. Please feel free to e-mail me at [email protected] God bless, freesong


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