# Trying to open the door...



## Heartbeats (May 23, 2006)

I am feeling derealizated for about a year...but only now the symptoms started to appear stronger. So, I decided to see what I had. I thought I had uveitis (inflammation) in my eyes ... lol ...The thing is that I thought it was related to the eyes and not to the visual perception.

And then I started to search what my symptoms would fit into. I would think of a tumor, but never of a psychiatric disrder like derealization. I never thought it was possible, only in movies like matrix (one day I thought I was in matrix....eheheh)

I don't get pleasure of thinks that would please me before, like watching movies, reading, music, friends. My relationship with my family and friends is falling appart. It's like I'm lier, because I'm faking feelings, smiles, words, that indeed mean nothing.

I went to shrink before I found out this. Our conversation didn't get far. We ended up talking about my future job...plop!

And it's so hard to have something noone understands.

I only hope I can have my life again... I'm sad. I don't want to get used to this. I want to overcome this.

P.S: Someone from Portugal out there? I really wanted to talk to someone...


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

you're not alone. i'm sorry you have to go through this, too.


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## Heartbeats (May 23, 2006)

I know! Thanks. The first post I got a reply!!!

Recently I went to a new psychiatrist and I told him what I think I had. I was relieved. He didn't say I had it or not, we just talked. And it felt good. Isn't it great to have someone that understand us?

He put me in Zoloft and Inderal. It's not really improving the thing. 
Well, just have to live day by day. In my opinion we can't just rely on medication. Now, I'm trying to hang again with my friends, with my family. Trying not to isolate. Life's so short. What I need is to fall in love with someone. That's the thing I miss more! To think more in another person than in myself.

Sorry for my english.


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