# Recovered people, existential fear?



## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

As you people might already know (some might be tired of me already







) , I've been struggling with a very intense and crippling fear of everything that has to do with existence and death/afterlife. I can be completely distracted the whole day, but all of a sudden I get a random thought about existence, such as "How do we even exist?" , followed by a million of those, sucking me into a very long and scary loop of thoughts/questions that I just can't get rid of.. Doesn't matter how long I can be distracted, as soon as I think about any of that I get so scared that I almost cry, because either nothing makes sense, or everything makes way too much sense and scares me.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone who has recovered mentioning these thoughts, so I'd like to know if any of you recovered peeps ever struggled for a long time with such thoughts, and I want to know if they just disappeared as soon as you recovered.

Note: I know a lot of people had these thoughts once or twice, but I've never seen anyone like me, struggling with them for so long and with so much fear, I can barely notice other symptoms of DP/DR because of this, so I'd like a reply from someone who can relate almost completely to me


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## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

PositiveThinking! said:


> As you people might already know (some might be tired of me already
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hey! In the beginning I struggled with what you struggle with.. somehow after my anxiety went away, I stopped thinking about stuff like that. It does nag me in the back of my mind though, even last night I had to keep reading because I was scared to be stuck with my own thoughts. I feel like it is a deep black hole that those questions get you stuck in. I know how hard it is not to think about stuff like that but you honestly have to keep yourself so distracted.. and get lost into that distraction.. so you literally don't have time to think about the other questions. whenever you want to stop your train of thought.. just start singing a sonng.. or a prayer in your head. Hope that helps?


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

outlaw said:


> Hey! In the beginning I struggled with what you struggle with.. somehow after my anxiety went away, I stopped thinking about stuff like that. It does nag me in the back of my mind though, even last night I had to keep reading because I was scared to be stuck with my own thoughts. I feel like it is a deep black hole that those questions get you stuck in. I know how hard it is not to think about stuff like that but you honestly have to keep yourself so distracted.. and get lost into that distraction.. so you literally don't have time to think about the other questions. whenever you want to stop your train of thought.. just start singing a sonng.. or a prayer in your head. Hope that helps?


Yeah, I manage to get lost in my distractions a lot, but as soon as I don't have any distraction, guess what happens? Yep, infinite loops of thoughts.. What really sucks is when I have to go to bed, I already know what's going to happen, and it always keeps me from sleeping properly, because I'm way too scared


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## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

PositiveThinking! said:


> I don't think I've ever seen anyone who has recovered mentioning these thoughts, so I'd like to know if any of you recovered peeps ever struggled for a long time with such thoughts, and I want to know if they just disappeared as soon as you recovered.
> 
> Note: I know a lot of people had these thoughts once or twice, but I've never seen anyone like me, struggling with them for so long and with so much fear, I can barely notice other symptoms of DP/DR because of this, so I'd like a reply from someone who can relate almost completely to me


When I am not having DP at the time I don't really stop thinking about these things I just don't get stuck in the loop de loop so frequently. There is nothing wrong with going off on a philosophical one as long as that ol' record doesn't get stuck. So don't worry getting better doesn't mean you'll turn into kettle either.

Nowadays I do my damndest to divert my attention when I get to dissecting things. I usually get my morbid, must understand the universe now thought loops when I am being an internal analyst. So after I catch myself doing the third iterration of the same argument in my head I try to move on to a different subject or get further information on the subject so the next iteration of my internal argument has at least got some different sources to brood over.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

pancake said:


> When I am not having DP at the time I don't really stop thinking about these things I just don't get stuck in the loop de loop so frequently. There is nothing wrong with going off on a philosophical one as long as that ol' record doesn't get stuck. So don't worry getting better doesn't mean you'll turn into kettle either.


Not sure what kettle means, but if you mean something like getting better doesn't mean I'll become dumb, I actually wish it did.. I wish I could just turn dumb and live a simple life, no complications, no "intelligent" thoughts, because my brain is just so tired of these scary thoughts.. I can't stand the fear


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Since there weren't any replies from anyone whose recovered from these horrifying thoughts, I guess I'm sort of "doomed"









I think DP/DR have induced a really strong pack of fears on me, now I struggle way more with the fears than DP/DR. I used to think like "Seriously, no one can experience the suffering of having DP, everything looking like a dream does make your life a living hell" , now I do have to admit that these fears have beaten by far the unreal feeling.. I wanted someone who recovered from this so that I could have some hope, because this is way too hard to handle, oh and I really hope no one here ever gets this (as if DP/DR weren't enough already, having these thoughts doesn't make things look that good).

By the way, has anyone ever experienced something like being distracted, doing something, and all of a sudden a really scary thought like "Wait, one day I'll die, I won't come back to life anymore.. it's infinite! That can't be, this must be a nightmare" , a VERY intense fear.


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## hoot (Jun 17, 2010)

PositiveThinking! said:


> Since there weren't any replies from anyone whose recovered from these horrifying thoughts, I guess I'm sort of "doomed"


No you're not. Maybe now is the time to start that positive thinking.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

hoot said:


> No you're not. Maybe now is the time to start that positive thinking.


That's exactly why I've created this thread.. I need something to grab onto, I need to know it is possible to overcome these intense fears, I need to know that someone actually suffered as much as I did/do with these fears and that they don't have them at all anymore. Either that or a way to think positive in the middle of all these thoughts, because at this point it's like the thoughts gained a physical form, and they're just "here" and won't leave


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## DPNOrway (Apr 29, 2010)

PositiveThinking! said:


> As you people might already know (some might be tired of me already
> 
> 
> 
> ...


well.. this is what my DP is all about really... or almost







whenever i get time to "think" or just be idle, i start thinking about existence and how everything is really weird etc. i "just" got dp about a year ago so i dont have much else to say but that...


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## hoot (Jun 17, 2010)

PositiveThinking! said:


> That's exactly why I've created this thread.. I need something to grab onto, I need to know it is possible to overcome these intense fears, I need to know that someone actually suffered as much as I did/do with these fears and that they don't have them at all anymore. Either that or a way to think positive in the middle of all these thoughts, because at this point it's like the thoughts gained a physical form, and they're just "here" and won't leave


You don't need that. You just need to believe it's possible, no evidence is required.

People believe in religion, right? Yet there is no evidence to prove religions are accurate. Even religious theories themselves sound ridiculous, but people still believe in them. That's all you need, unwavering borderline delusional belief.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

hoot said:


> You don't need that. You just need to believe it's possible, no evidence is required.
> 
> People believe in religion, right? Yet there is no evidence to prove religions are accurate. Even religious theories themselves sound ridiculous, but people still believe in them. That's all you need, unwavering borderline delusional belief.


I don't know.. it's sort of like I lost all trust I had in people :s


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

DPNOrway said:


> well.. this is what my DP is all about really... or almost
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yep I got DP about a year ago as well, but it has been long enough to feel terrified.. and what makes me suffer the most are these thoughts, what bothers me the less is the fact that everything around me looks unreal, I mean, it also sucks, but compared to the thoughts..


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## dustyn916 (Oct 24, 2010)

I have those same thoughts man i question everything about being human... and it freaks me out the way i look at it though is that meditation to clear your mind and learn how to controll your thought seems to be helping! also it is possible to overcome because when i talked to my uncle about it the other night he is a verry intelligent man and he said that ''alot of verry intelligant people go through this at an early age, it means that your really observant of your surroundings and that you are despreatly looking for something to do in your life. and that when you find exactly were you want to be you will be better off then most people, you will be okay and this will pass its just part of a spiritual life''..... i think about it sometimes to this day still but i think of it as a more positive thing. you will get through this bud..

if we all actualy exist


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## Rusko (Oct 27, 2010)

You are suffering from intrusive thoughts. It's described as "Pure O" or obsessions without compulsions. You think a scary thought and your anxiety grabs hold of it. Trust me, I have the same thoughts every day, 24/7. It's anxiety, nothing more. You see, people that don't suffer from anxiety have these same exact thoughts as you and I. Except they approach them differently. Take this for example: A thought enters your mind about existence (Why are we here?), it scares you, you begin to obsess about it, trying to find answers for it, fighting it, this is what anxiety does. You want to know the thought im currently obsessing about, What if everyone and everything around me is all just a figment of my imagination? You see a person without anxiety can think these thoughts all day long, but they do not associate any emotion towards them, they are able to simply say to themselves, Wow, thats stupid, and move on, completely forgetting the thought. As with us, we cannot shake it as just a stupid thought, we have to give it reason, answer it, fight it, which only leads to more anxiety placed on the thought. Its a hard concept to understand but you have to learn to live with the uncertanity, because the truth is there is no answer to your question, noone knows why we are here, or how we got here, or why it matters if we are here. Your here, I'm here, we are all here. We all have emotions, we cry, we experience pain, we all bleed the same blood. A little exercise you can do is next time you have a thought enter your mind that causes you stress, just agree with it. Now this will in turn cause you more anxiety but its the only way to cut off the thought's fuel source. You see the intrusive thoughts are only there because they are living off the anxiety you are feeding them, when the anxiety is gone, the thoughts no longer have a life line and no longer have reason to cause you stress. Try if you can, think back earlier in your life before anxiety, did you think these irrational thoughts, did you care about these irrational things? NO, because you were not experiencing anxiety, you were simply living your life. Are you currently seeing a mental health professional, there are many therapies to help combat the unwanted thoughts such as CBT and ERP therapy. Seeking the appropriate professional help will surely allow you to achieve a better state of mind. You see this is how Pure O works, if you completely distract yourself, you don't think about it. But as soon as that distraction goes away, its right back to ruminating 24/7 about those unwanted thoughts, and thats where the work has to be done. Believe me, I'm in the same boat, and honestly I've just learned to not care about those unwanted thoughts, because thats all they are, THOUGHTS, nothing more. You can't stop your thoughts, because that would mean you are not concious, but you can change the way you respond to your thoughts, and how your thoughts affect you. If you are currently seeing a psychiatrist, but your not getting any help with these thoughts, find a new psychiatrist. If you are not currently seeing a psychiatrist, find one. No, I am not telling you to see a psychiatrist because I think you are crazy, im telling you to see one to help alleviate/combat your issue: ANXIETY. Bottom line is, sitting around trying to argue and fight with these thoughts isnt helping. You are in control, not your anxiety, your anxiety just likes to give its 2 cents when you try and feel normal. Just remember, your not alone.

Take care and god bless, take action and eliminate your anxiety. -Rusko


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Yeah I got over it, well, most of it atleast, I still have 1 or 2 thoughts once in a while but nothing compared to how I used to feel a few months ago


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## ROBO (Jul 29, 2010)

well said Rusko.. I think you absolutely right.

anyway. I don't know if it will help, but.. when I get into this existential thoughts loop, I say to myself "Reuben, maybe its too complicated for a human mind to understand how the universe works, so leave it".
like some people will never understand maths, we'll never find our philosophic answers.


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## Tommygunz (Sep 7, 2009)

yeah buddy. i had those thoughts hella bad. i had to smack myself in the head to make them stop. but i also had those thought from time to time before DP/DR, and still do every now and again. although no where near as often as with DP/DR.


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## razer777 (Jun 28, 2010)

At the very beginning of my DP (which started 7 months ago) I had these thoughts really bad. I felt like I'd realized that everything that is beautiful or of value in the world isn't really beautiful or valuable but it only seems that way because our minds create a false reality for us. I'd wonder if emotions are real or if they're just chemicals in your brain and if everyone I loved I only loved because some chemicals in my brain happened to click at the right time. I'd also think a lot about time and how it flows and how we only really ever exist in the present and whether or not the past is the way it seems in our memories or is it distorted by our minds' processes. Also I felt very nihilistic about everything.
This only lasted two months then I got over it and realized it was silly to think about these things. Not really sure how I got over it but I just convinced myself that there are much smarter philosophers who have thought about these problems and they never panicked.


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## OctoberK (Sep 2, 2010)

I don't know if this will help, but it did it for me. I learned in an anxiety and depression program something known as the stopping method. When you catch yourself spiraling out of control with crazy, anxious, or ruminating thoughts, even though distraction is hard, try saying or thinking to yourself the word "stop" and picture a stop sign. Keep saying the word stop over and over again, you may say it 100 times in a minute, but just keep saying it. Eventually, you can kinda divert your mind and attention easier if you continually try it. Like I said, it may not work, but I have tried it in the past and it seems like it works. If you're gonna repeat the same thoughts over and over again, at least make it the "stop" thought, that way it won't be as bad. Try it, and next time you find yourself thinking about the world or existence, just say stop, and keep saying it and saying it until you have lost that thought..


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