# Im new here, and I desperately need some help.



## Ameloulou (Jun 27, 2010)

Hey. Im a 22 year old woman who just recently self diagnosed herself with dp/dr, mostly because everybody else i.e. doctors, therapists all dont really know what im talking about when im telling them im in this constant SCARY dream state every damn day. They just tell me its anxiety and such. Which they are NOT wrong about. But whenever i mention the word depersonalisation, they just look at me weird and change subjets. ANYWAY. I have been feeling this way for about a month now.

Let me tell you how this all started.
ok, so my whole life I have been relatively anxious, worrying about everything, thinking worst case scenarios over nothing. my parents divorced when i was 14. that didnt really affect me since i hated the fighting everyday and shit. ive always felt like my dad never really cared about me. besides that, my life has gone pretty well i should say. nothing too dramatic, no drugs, nothing. until last year. I got married to a guy that lived far away in the hoping it would be easier for us to live together. well, that guy turned into a total jerk and i left him. the divorce is not yet finalised due to lack of money. ON TOP OF THAT I got pregnant with that guy (before he turned into a jerk and i decided to divorce him) and we decided it would be best to get an abortion, which I did. boy if I would have known how emotionally painful that would have been for me I would have NEVER done it. I regret it every single day since it happened. i cried every day about it.

So one day I decided to go see my doctor and see what he thought about that. he said it sounded like i was in a depression and had anxiety problems (because i would get some panic attacks occasionnally) so he prescribed me some Celexa. the medication was fine until the two week mark hit. that night, I was comfortably sitting on the couch watching a movie with my boyfriend and BOOM full blown panic attack. and thats when the dp started. I couldnt recongize anything. I was looking at my boyfriend and its like he wasnt really there. the couch and everything else seemed so unreal. i couldnt breathe I felt so hot and shakey I was scared out of my fucking mind. he rushed me to the er, where they kept me over night and gave me ativan.

The next morning, I still felt the same damn way, except it wasnt as bad. Anyway. the feeling didnt go away for a week so I stopped taking celexa. since that day, that feeling has not gone away. I feel like I am going crazy. scared like BALLS that ill spontaneously go crazy and start hallucenating shit. i dont feel safe anywhere. nothing feels real. And I think WAY too much. like how humans are made. why am I here. why does my boyfriend look this way. eyes freak me out. sometimes I even feel like im not looking out of my own eyes, its extremely scary.

all of this had made me go into deep depression to the point where I feel suicidal sometimes. I wake up in the morning and sit in my bed and ill be like ''fuck. not another day like this I cant live like this anymore''.

NOTHING is real. I wanna feel reality again. I wanna wake up from this dream.

any feedback would be appreciated and Im sorry for this beeing so long I had to take a weight off my shoulders.


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## puppyskin (Feb 21, 2010)

Ameloulou said:


> Hey. Im a 22 year old woman who just recently self diagnosed herself with dp/dr, mostly because everybody else i.e. doctors, therapists all dont really know what im talking about when im telling them im in this constant SCARY dream state every damn day. They just tell me its anxiety and such. Which they are NOT wrong about. But whenever i mention the word depersonalisation, they just look at me weird and change subjets. ANYWAY. I have been feeling this way for about a month now.
> 
> Let me tell you how this all started.
> ok, so my whole life I have been relatively anxious, worrying about everything, thinking worst case scenarios over nothing. my parents divorced when i was 14. that didnt really affect me since i hated the fighting everyday and shit. ive always felt like my dad never really cared about me. besides that, my life has gone pretty well i should say. nothing too dramatic, no drugs, nothing. until last year. I got married to a guy that lived far away in the hoping it would be easier for us to live together. well, that guy turned into a total jerk and i left him. the divorce is not yet finalised due to lack of money. ON TOP OF THAT I got pregnant with that guy (before he turned into a jerk and i decided to divorce him) and we decided it would be best to get an abortion, which I did. boy if I would have known how emotionally painful that would have been for me I would have NEVER done it. I regret it every single day since it happened. i cried every day about it.
> ...


sounds like you found the right place,anxiety alone can cause this even if you dont feel anxious it happened to me,seems like something far worse i know but just accept it i think thats the first step to recovery,very hard i know but you are in control,keep your mind busy and disregard any bizarre thoughts.x


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## Kayla (Jun 24, 2010)

Wow, that sounds so much like what I go through.









I have to say though, this website is really great. Whenever I'm in a really bad place, I just get on here and start reading some stories and it's really conforting to know you're not alone.

I hope you can find something that eases your discomfort. I've had this for about 10 years and I still really haven't learned to escape it...

Just stay positive.


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

Being angry and scared about this is not going to get you back to reality. It's like quicksand, the more you thrash about with panic, the deeper down you'll go. You need to accept it for now. It won't hurt you. Try resolving your anxiety and depression... not through medication. I preach therapy. Sounds like y'all in need of some serious theraputation.


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## Ameloulou (Jun 27, 2010)

Im on effexor now. I started three days ago. And i also take clonazopam almost everyday now, it somewhst helps...


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## lindsayloo (Jun 23, 2010)

you have no idea how freaking similar are stories are. all the way down to my parents getting divorced when I was 14, crazy!!!! I also had an abortion ,and have never forgiven myself. ALL my symptoms are exactly the same!!!! you should write me. best of luck to you.


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## ZachT (Sep 8, 2008)

Ameloulou said:


> Hey. Im a 22 year old woman who just recently self diagnosed herself with dp/dr, mostly because everybody else i.e. doctors, therapists all dont really know what im talking about when im telling them im in this constant SCARY dream state every damn day. They just tell me its anxiety and such. Which they are NOT wrong about. But whenever i mention the word depersonalisation, they just look at me weird and change subjets. ANYWAY. I have been feeling this way for about a month now.
> 
> Let me tell you how this all started.
> ok, so my whole life I have been relatively anxious, worrying about everything, thinking worst case scenarios over nothing. my parents divorced when i was 14. that didnt really affect me since i hated the fighting everyday and shit. ive always felt like my dad never really cared about me. besides that, my life has gone pretty well i should say. nothing too dramatic, no drugs, nothing. until last year. I got married to a guy that lived far away in the hoping it would be easier for us to live together. well, that guy turned into a total jerk and i left him. the divorce is not yet finalised due to lack of money. ON TOP OF THAT I got pregnant with that guy (before he turned into a jerk and i decided to divorce him) and we decided it would be best to get an abortion, which I did. boy if I would have known how emotionally painful that would have been for me I would have NEVER done it. I regret it every single day since it happened. i cried every day about it.
> ...


Welcome to the forum.


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## razer777 (Jun 28, 2010)

It sounds like DP as a side effect from all the anxiety/stress/depression in your life.


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