# Feeling of dread



## Tommyboy (Jul 20, 2011)

Does anyone else feel like they did when they smoked pot, but with less brain fog and more just anxiety and feelings of being stuck in your head?
I've had feelings of depersonalization and derealization for about 2 months now and I think I'm getting worse and am so scared nothing will help. I also have OCD and my therapist thinks I have post traumatic stress disorder from when I smoked pot in my teens. My psychiatrist seems to just think its anxiety or stress but I don't agree. (Im seeing him tomorrow so will tell him how bad it is for me) I mentioned lamictal but he didn't think I should take it. He might be one of those doctors that don't even believe in DP/DR.

Every morning I wake up and feel spaced out and in a dream, time seems all weird and then my brain starts having all these thoughts that this existence is unbearable and that I can't go on like this so I take a lorazepam to calm me down. Then I start worrying that the lorazepam will eventually stop working and i'll be stuck in that living hell permanently. For the rest of the day I don't really feel depersonalized or derealized but Im constantly checking my mind to see what I'm thinking and whether I'm feeling ok or not. (This is my OCD I think)

Last night after taking 1 and a half loraz and 2 quetiepene I started feeling great, pretty much normal which was amazing! I enjoyed watching TV, I played video games and read a book before bed. But I knew that when I wake it'll be back to square one in the living hell. I also knew I hadn't really "beaten" it as I just resorted to meds and didn't stay with the feeling and let it ride out eventually. It really is like a darkness that creeps up on me that I feel is too big to beat.

I know you guys must think I'm lucky to even have a break from it for a few hours as I know some of you suffer it 24/7 but when I'm in that DP state of mind it truly feels unbearable. I get all panicky that i'll be stuck like this, that Im somehow trapped. Its so hard to describe in words but these are the thoughts that come to mind : This is it, this is real, I can't get out, this is everything and nothing, time doesn't exist, Im stuck in my mind. Maybe it is flashbacks from smoking pot? It kinds feels like it. The worst part is that my OCD is constantly checking my mind to see what state its in which only makes things worse, and it makes it hard to enjoy anything.

I take 75mg of quetiepene before bed, maybe this is making it worse in the mornings. Has anyone found it makes their DP worse.?
God I wish l could take as much lorazepam I wanted and not get addicted but that would be too easy.


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