# What do you folks think?



## FireFighterJoe (Apr 26, 2015)

Hello,

My name is Joe. I'm new to forums, and to discussing my experience publicly so please bear with me.

In short I have not experienced any type of trauma nor anything I would attribute my feelings to. I am a 20 year old male. I was formerly attending school to become a teacher when I had a life changing experience on a ride along with a local fire department. After witnessing these events I felt lifted. I was so moved and affected by the selflessness, and calm determination shown by the men I was observing while saving (at least temporarily) the life of an elderly woman that, from that point on there was no doubt in my mind that this is what I wanted to do. Since that day I spent every waking moment trying to get my foot in the door at that fire department and despite my best effort I didn't make it past the preliminary tests.

Following those tests I sank into a sort of "funk" I began to feel feelings of depression and obsessive thought patterns I had not experienced since the separation of a former relationship about a year ago. I have a long family history of anxiety disorders and have dealt with OCD, depression and panic most of my pre and post pubescent life. However, now rather than simply worrying or feeling sad I find myself "detached" from the world around me. At times I feel as though I am in complete denial over whether or not anything exists, matters... etc. I am not psychotic nor experiencing any delusions/hallucinations or anything its more just an over whelming feeling similar to an existential crisis but I almost feel dream like. I am on a couple anti depressants and am currently weaning off of the one I think may be affiliated with these feelings and days have become a little better since. I want to express that this is not meant to be a Whiny or silly sob story. I have seen my friends through crazy traumatic experiences that I could never hope to understand and I know that I am not the worst off out there. I am a successful, generally happy and normally determined young man. I have a job at an elementary school, a job interview with another local fire department and prospects are good. I have a wonderful Girlfriend, and a loving and supporting family that I am so grateful for so my question is WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH ME? Thanks all for listening and any thoughts are greatly appreciated.


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## LukeThinksTooMuch (Feb 28, 2015)

Depersonalisation Disorder is not very rare. You're definitely not alone. It's most attributed to child neglect/issues, bullying while experiencing an unstable relationship with those trustworthy, drugs or trauma. Thoughts of existentialism can also lead to DPD but the thoughts are not often the cause but just a trigger. Your diet can also leave you more vulnerable if you don't get any B12 or magnesium, common in meat and fish.

Many DPD cases start with Panic disorder and tend to escalate so you may have experienced some trauma that you're not aware of or not willing to accept. Trauma can be anything. You've no idea the severity that little things when you're young can effect your later life.

You need to truly think about your past and be *honest *with yourself. The forums and chat will be here to help you through your journey to discovering why you're experiencing DPD and how to help.


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## FireFighterJoe (Apr 26, 2015)

Much appreciated Luke. The obsessive nature of my anxiety often makes the thoughts spiral out of control. Hard to focus when everything feels plagued by inability to feel/find/define meaning in anything. inability to feel that life has any meaning other than "meaning" we create. I appreciate your prompt response.


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## LukeThinksTooMuch (Feb 28, 2015)

The nihilistic thoughts of believing there's no meaning is not a good train of thought and is often a symptom of depression or existential anxiety. You're almost exactly like me in your thoughts and perceptions. You're not alone and it is possible to get through.


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## FireFighterJoe (Apr 26, 2015)

Have you found any ways to break the Nihilism? or any relief to existential anxiety? Nice to hear I'm not crazy.


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## LukeThinksTooMuch (Feb 28, 2015)

Unfortunately, I can't stop it altogether, it comes back over and over. Distraction is good but healing is best. You need to repair yourself as a whole, not fix issues one by one.


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