# 17 year old girl- marijuana ruined my life



## Lost13152 (Nov 13, 2011)

Last year in the beginning of December my best friend and I were talking to her brother, who was known for his drug abuse, and we decided that we were all going to go smoke marijuana. My friend and I had never tried it and simply wanted to know what it was like. We invited my brother, who Was 18 and hadn't tried it either. We smoked from a pipe and I didn't get high at all. I knew how to inhale and I did everything right but I didn't get high at all. I don't know why but I didn't. I didn't smoke anything again until the end of April, it was the Saturday before spring break and we had taken the act test the morning before. A boy from my school invited me to go smoke some spice with him, I didn't know what spice was but I didn't have anything better to do so I went. We smoked it and I got so high I remember fidgeting around in the seat of his car and constantly asking myself if it was real and looking around trying to figure out where i was and why I was with this kid( this was the first time that I had ever hung out with him before). We smoked 3 different times that night and I went from being high to being completely normal 3 times without any problems. I told my friends about this spice stuff which was legal and was so much fun so we tried it the Tuesday after. I was so excited and never imagined i would ever regret anything so much in my life. We smoked and got High and it was fun and she said she wasn't high anymore so we packed some more and I was still high but I took a few hits and was high all night long. When I woke up the next morning I thought I was still high, I went to school and then I went to gymnastics practice and I couldn't do anything, I messed everything up and felt so weird. When I got home I asked my brother about it because he had been hitting it pretty hard since that first time we tried it together and he said that he has never been high for longer than a few hours. His friend told me that I over dosed and I needed to smoke a cigarette to get it out of my system( why I thought this made sense idk) but I tried it and it didn't work then he told me that if I get high again then it will make it go away but I woke up the next morning and it was worse. By now It was reallly hard to concentrate in school, especially since I was in AP classes and the AP exams were a couple of weeks away. I couldn't do gymnastics anymore and I wanted to quit but I didn't yet I smoked some real weed hoping that the real stuff would clear the spice out of my system but that didn't work. I constantly searched the Internet for stuff about what I was experiencing and found nothing except people saying that it would go away in a few days( which obviously it didn't). I decided that this must be a sign that it's time to end my 13 year long gymnastics career since I had recently torn my ACL in my knee and hadn't gotten back into it very well. I finally found something on the Internet that had the word "Derealization" in it and I searched for the definition and found my problem. I don't understand why this happened to me because I have read that it is more common with neglected children and abused children but I thought I had a good childhood. I started thinking about it and realized that I think I had this before, I remember feeling like I had just woken up when I was like 10 or 11 and like I can just now make decisions for myself and do things like I was just then a person in this earth. It has been about 6 months since I developed dp and I keep hoping and praying that it will go away but it doesn't. It makes studying and concentrating extremely difficult and I am constantly brought to tears thinking about how simple my life was before this and how much I regret that first time I smoked. I miss gymnastics very much but It is completely impossible for me to go back due to this, I am constantly depressed, I almost always feel like I don't want to be where I am but I don't want to be anywhere else and I don't know what I want to do, I want this to go away so badly! I don't know what I can do about it. I haven't told anyone because I am afraid that they will think I'm a freak or that I am making it up or something, also I would have to tell them that I smoked weed. I am utterly miserable and I often find myself relating to people who commit suicide, I have always said that there isn't anything that makes killing yourself sound good but this does. I would never kill myself but I can now relate to people who do. I need somebody to tell me how I can become happy again, I am only 17 and I am moving away to college next year and I keep thinking that maybe it will get better then but I thought the same thing about when summer came and I didn't have any stress and that wasn't true. I do have some social anxiety but it's not terrible. I am social but if I am in a position where I am somewhere where I don't know anyone my hands will get sweaty and if I get called of in class my stomach drops and my face turns red but I am not physically afraid of social situations. I cannot imagine trying to meet new people and build relationships in college with this stupid disorder floating over my head. I cannot go to a doctor about it and I do not want to get on any medications. I just want it gone now! Somebody please help me, this is ruining my life, I miss gymnastics more than anything, I failed my AP exams, I cannot focus enough to get my act score up at all, and I just miss my old life.


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## Depersonal Eyes (Oct 10, 2011)

Hey, I thought my life was ruined by marijuana at 17 too when I developed depersonalization. I started a blog, link Maybe it will help you get recovery ideas and come to terms with your struggle. I had DP for 4 1/2 years and am getting much better. Peace, and good luck! Message me if you ever want to talk, it really helps.

Carolyn


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Thank you , we need more people telling people to not smoke things, to not try drugs. You wouldn't beleive the peope who support ir when were in a place like this....… choosing to use a recreeatonal or illegal drug is prety much always a bad idea


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## anarkii (Jul 2, 2011)

kate_edwin said:


> Thank you , we need more people telling people to not smoke things, to not try drugs. You wouldn't beleive the peope who support ir when were in a place like this....&#8230; choosing to use a recreeatonal or illegal drug is prety much always a bad idea


Having marihuana induced DP myself i fully 100% *disagree* with this.


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## Guest (Nov 14, 2011)

I would like to have sex with you, I'm 18 and single.

edit- fuck who ever negative repped me, im expressing my emotions which as you all know is very hard to do with dp


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## doomtech1 (Nov 7, 2011)

now we know why youre single willykins... 
you look like you're in your 40s and still trolling, there's something more wrong with you than DP.

Btw, i remember when my first time i didnt get a trip either but the second time got me good, everything felt fake and i was about to panic... it wasn't mj that caused my DP.


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## Guest (Nov 15, 2011)

lol we went over this bro, thats not me in my profile pic.. anyway tell mom to hold my nuts when she gets a chance


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## doomtech1 (Nov 7, 2011)

i know this now, i wrote it before i went into the chat room


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## Guest (Nov 16, 2011)

doomtech1 said:


> i know this now, i wrote it before i went into the chat room


<3 love


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## Leigh (Oct 20, 2011)

I've heard from a large number of people that Marijuana is NOT the cause of DP, just one of many possible triggers. Your DP could have just as easily be triggered by high levels of stress. I would definitely stay off weed after going through DP, though... I'll never touch it again.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Hey do a search in google for Harris Harrington he explains how drugs and marijuana r only a trigger to a more deeper core issue ... If you suffered/suffer emotional abuse then you are at high risk in developing dp and drugs would only set it off however it could have set off eventually in time through more trauma.. I put a post up here informing people the causes and what has actually happened to us and what you can do to fix yourself .. This state is a splt between our left and right brain hemispheres which mean they no longer fire together correctly but there are also a set of daily exercises to do in order to reconnect your brain hemispheres to completely get over this







also I would engage in building self esteem and self worth that also helps to lift you out of this we also dissociate when we don't feel we r confident in our ability to handle conflict or situations so my advice is to take a assertive training class and even a combat class







xxxxxx u are 17 you have your whole life !!


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