# Life After Recovery



## ManicMarj (Feb 4, 2015)

How sweet it is to finally be writing this post! I didn't know when it would happen, or how it would feel, but I made it.

I recently post an entry about how I felt I was 90% recovered. Now I feel I am 100%. I feel so confident that I am over dp and anxiety that I can honestly say that neither are a significant part of my life anymore. I'll bet you're wondering what life is like after recovery. And it is great! I compare it how it feels when you studied really hard for a test and passed with flying colors. It feels like a huge accomplishment in so many ways. The weight has finally been lifted from my shoulders and I can focus on other things in my life.

In a strange sort of way I am grateful that I did experience dp. I know, thats crazy, but what I've learned about life and myself during the struggle is something that I wouldn't have learned had I not gone through this experience. I've learned to be more kind, patient, hopeful, and overall happy with myself. Recovering from dp requires a lot of things, but probably the most important is self-acceptance. Having gained a respect and acceptance of myself, I've become more confident in myself and the choices that I make. I'm also MUCH more adventurous because my life was lacking so much when I was in the pits of depair. I remember not going to parties when I was invited, missing out on weddings, not inviting friends over because I was so afraid the dp would take hold and make me panic or act out somehow.

All of that is over now. I am now myself, only improved. I make goals and I do my best to accomplish them. I accept failure and don't dwell on life when it doesn't go my way. Life is good, and I feel like the windows have been opened after being closed up all winter.

So if you're not in your recovery process yet, don't worry. It will come when you are ready. If you have started taking those steps, be so proud of yourself because you definitely are on the right track to a free life. Recovery comes at its own pace, but you have to play your part. You have to learn from the process, you have to keep growing. I can't even remember the last time I felt depersonalized, because thats what recovery does to you. It makes you realize that dp is a state of mind controlled by rediculous thoughts, and when you are recovered you realize that.

So this will be my last post. I am moving on with my life and leaving dp behind. If you have any questions for me or would like me to talk about something I haven't covered, please let me know! I see I get a lot of views but not a lot of comments. I'm an open book and I would love to help anyone that wants it.

Cheers to a full and happy life, free of dp.

Marjorie


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## Guest (May 21, 2015)

Congratulations!

Thank you for taking the time to write this post. Any advice you'd like to pass on?


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## ManicMarj (Feb 4, 2015)

The best advice I can give is to remember that the thoughts that feed DP are useless. You have to stop questioning the unknown, because you'll never find the answers. Believe what you know to be true. Always believe your heart and not your thoughts.


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## seafoamneon (Jul 16, 2014)

ManicMarj said:


> The best advice I can give is to remember that the thoughts that feed DP are useless. You have to stop questioning the unknown, because you'll never find the answers. Believe what you know to be true. Always believe your heart and not your thoughts.


I like this advice because I've had DP for a while and the annoying thoughts that get stuck in my head where there since day 1


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## Nico111 (Apr 8, 2011)

Thank you very much Marjory!!

You can guess how much it's appreciated.
I'm french then excuse my english please.

I want to focus on the fact we can all recover but i still want to know how you got dp?
Mine is because weed since almost 6 years ago 24/7...

I don't want to focus about my state and i'm trying strong to live my life but sometimes (or often) i realize that i'm still stuck in this shit.
I even don't know anymore how it could be to get out of DP, to feel normal..I'm afraid to forget "normality' for ever.

I wanted to try meditation but 'im afraid to just focus on my state because i try everyday to avoid this thoughts...

So just tell us more about how it feels 

It's like a rebirth? you can look at you in the mirror like before (i'm still afraid about mirror..)
you know who you are and feel present here and now? no more strange unfamilarities?

thanks again and i add "nice pic" miss


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## ManicMarj (Feb 4, 2015)

I developed dp after a year of really bad anxiety. It took a while to build up to the point of having dp, but I had recently been promoted to an executive chef position after graduating culinary school only the previous year. I was under qualified for my new position, but I was really determined to do a good job. I put a lot of pressure on myself and thats when my anxiety turned into dp.

I was also an avid weed smoker, like many of us here. Although weed wasn't the reason I developed dp, it certainly didn't help. As soon as I got dp, I quit smoking weed right away. I also quit drinking, quit caffiene and went to therapy. I was very proactive about my recovery.

Recovery feels like....like the last day of school, only every day. I'm excited for the future but I live in the present. I look for opportunities and I'm not afraid of anything anymore. Honestly, I feel like defeating dp made me capable of doing anything. I always told myself when I had dp, that if I recovery I would never take another day for granted. And I live by that. I feel like I'm getting a second chance at life, because I know what it feels like to feel helpless.

I know what you mean about not remembering what it feels like to be normal. But, just like dp probably feels normal to you now, recovery will feel normal too once you reach it. You must understand that everyone is capable of recovering. And once you are recovered you'll be amazed at how easy it was! You just have to break your thinking cycle. I know, easier said than done. But with practice, you learn to dismiss those thoughts you once felt to be important and worth thinking about.

I'll let you in on a little trick I used, mostly when I was on the train to work and my dp would make me panic.

Clear your mind.

Just stop thinking. Let your mind be free of thoughts and just observe around you.

It is possible, and its basically what you learn to do when you meditate.

I know its scary to be alone with your thoughts, but the purpose of meditation is to clear your head of everything. The next time you are thinking really deep and intensely about dp, just stop and let those thoughts drift away. With practice you will be able to do it without even trying. It sort of lets your brain re-boot itself and you can start to focus on other things.

After you've mastered that, learn to sit with these scary thoughts but don't pass judgement on them. Just see them for what they are, just thoughts. Thoughts hold no truth, they are just silly ideas that pass through your brain. You're the one that decides which thoughts are important. So don't let any of them be important. Just let them swim around in your head and say to yourself, "hey, thats a pretty strange thought, but it doesnt matter" and eventually they just go away.

Like I said, recovery feels like a window has been opened in a dusty dark room after a long, cold winter. I see clearer, I reason better and I just feel free. I feel like all that energy I once put into dp is now free for me to use elsewhere.


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## Nico111 (Apr 8, 2011)

Thanks again Marjorie for your precious advices!

I swear i will try.

It's really to hear how it feels to recover, it gives hope!

One more thing please, can you tell for a long did you suffer with dp? it was constant?

Do you now can drink alcohol or even smoke weed? 
Personnaly i'm sure i will never smoke again and you can understand why but i like to drink with friends and feel drunk!
Sometimes it makes my dp worst for sure but generally it's ok. Just the day after drinking are very bad.
But i'm reassure to know that when you 're recovered you can drink alcohol and feel "deconnected" without being afraid.

I guess the way i think is maybe wrong, all this questions...when you recover everything makes sense again and all this questions don't need answer.

Thanks again marjorie, really.


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## Tymmo222 (Mar 27, 2015)

I've been experiencing dp for almost 9 months now, haven't gone outside my house all this time, I'm so weak physically now, my head hurts as soon as I wake up, my vision is fucked and almost all of my perceptions (mostly time and memory) are deeply affected... And of course I've developed some sort of depression

do you think it'll all come back after I recover? I'm not really scared of the dp, I'm more hopeless and anxious about having to get involved into life again, if that makes sense, I'm planning on going out to seek for help from professionals this week with my mom (I recently turned 18), all this time I was trying to forget about it, I was blinded by those thoughts, I was thinking that someday, something will happen and make me shift back into my previous state of mind, but it never happened, I don't want to take meds, I don't think I need any.

I don't feel the anxiety but I know that my body is hyper-anxious from the way that I feel, I don't have any panic attacks, I've only had one when I was high, which triggered this...

lol my comment was only a rant but I hope that I could get a little bit of feedback from it


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

Congratulations on your recovery! i'm quite close to recovery myself and posts like these really put a smile on my face considering how similar our stories are. I wish you all the best!

Marduk


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## ManicMarj (Feb 4, 2015)

I will gladly answer your questions using my own personal experience. The two hot topics seem to be alcohol and marijuana, and I have experience with both of these!

Personally, I chose to not smoke marijuana after my experience with DP. I was a regular user for 5 years, and when I say regular, I mean I didn't go a day without it. When I started having anxiety and DP, marijuana intensified those feelings. I thought it might help me because pot is known to help anxiety, but in my own experience it did not. It has been 8 months since I've last used marijuana, and honestly thats totally okay with me! Not only does it save me a lot of money, but its just another habit that I kicked. All it ever really did for me what make me anxious, I honestly don't know why I didn't quit sooner.

Now on to alcohol. I used to drink fairly regularly as well, mostly to the point of getting drunk and falling down stairs (ahh memories) but the next day I would have terrible anxiety. Before I recognized myself as having anxiety, I just took it as a hangover but once my anxiety and DP became more intense, the hangover was a nightmare. Now that I'm recovered, a drink here and there isn't uncommon for me but by no means do I ever drink to get drunk, and I usually have no more than 2 drinks in one sitting. That's just what works for me, I'm not saying its going to be the same for anyone else, its kind of a trial and error type deal. Nowadays, alcohol just seems to make me feel sick. I'm not sure if its because I quit drinking altogether for 6 months or because its affecting my anxiety, but I really don't find being sick enjoyable so I tend to skip out on alcohol. But yes, it is easier to incorporate the things you used to do back into your life after you are recovered. What you should understand about recovery is that it is recovery. You don't worry about the things that used to consume your mind before.

Memory and time perception: Yes, it does get better! You see, when you have DP that is literally all your brain wants to think about, so it filters out everything else. There are so many things that I cant recall when I had DP but when I think about it, it makes complete sense. I was hell bent on thinking about my DP ALL THE TIME. It was 24/7, I woke up with it and I went to bed with it. I had it non-stop for months but as time went on and I began my recovery process, I had moments of clarity. I had DP for a total of 7 months, I had anxiety for a total of... well a few years. Anxiety still plays a small role in my life, but I've got the tools to beat it and now its all about practice.

Just because you've had DP longer does not mean you will not recover. Recovery is possible for anyone, I promise you. I thought I was a special case that would never get rid of it, but I did. No one is incurable, but some people live with it longer because they don't have to right resources to find their way out.

What you should know is that your reality is what your thoughts make of it. By this I mean, a positive mind is always happy and a negative mind will always find a reason why life is terrible. You need to focus on the positive and eventually it will consume your life. Life is good if you take a moment to realize it. We're all just people trying to figure it all out, but we don't have to. Life is an experience that was given to you, dont question it, just go with it. Otherwise before you know it, it'll all be so far in the past and you'll have nothing to show for it other than worry and anxiety.

Just take a breath and appreciate the world and yourself. There is nothing to worry about my friend.


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## YoungKidWithDP (Jun 2, 2015)

Do you feel back to your old self?


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## ezp123 (Jun 4, 2015)

And your sense of self or identity? Has it returned? I'm finding that the sense of time and my identity are what are most holding me back.


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## ManicMarj (Feb 4, 2015)

I can only speak for myself obviously, but yes. My sense of self has returned. I think you're asking this because you experience what I called "hyper-awareness", which was definitely a freaky thing. You feel like a ghost with no body, like you don't know who you are anymore. I did experience this, ALL THE TIME!

Thinking back on it, I feel like my vision back then was very muddled and foggy. I felt like I was hungover 24/7 and couldn't get a grip on anything going around me. It was a strange feeling, one that was hard to describe and now that its gone its getting harder to remember how it felt.

But now, I feel like my soul has been placed back into my body and I all the parts are working like they use to. I feel a bit changed though, but in a good way. It takes a bit of getting used to, because part of you wants to remember what it feels like to not be normal. But the thing is we were normal all along, we just looked at it from another perspective.

So yes, I feel my sense of self has returned and I don't get freaked out when I think the thoughts that I used to think when I had DP. It's changed me. It's made me not fear the unknown. It's made me braver, more willing to take risks. It's made me appreciate life more, and it's made me see the positive things in life because I know what it was like not to feel joy for anything.

I never want to live my life like I did when I had DP. So in that sense, I am a different person with a positive perspective on life.

I took DP as an awakening. My brain was telling me that what I was doing in life wasn't working for me. I had to change, but I resisted it. But DP didn't let me off that easy, it forced me to change. I didn't have a choice. I had taken on too much responsibility at work that I wasn't ready for, I was living somewhere that I didn't like, I was just going through the motions of life without any course of direction. DP made me stop and reevaluate what I was doing and why. Then I made some life decisions and began to heal.

Maybe DP is trying to tell you something


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## ManicMarj (Feb 4, 2015)

Sw48, that's what I was talking about in my last post. I've also written a blog entry specifically discussing hyper-awareness


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