# Apparently Dp makes me unlovable



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

This is rant so feel free to skip it.

It is seriously getting on my LAST freaking nerve how having dp scares men away. I set up an online dating profile and have had it up for several months. At first I tried to hide that I had dp. I didn't put it in my profile but I can't fake being normal. When I talk to people for any amount of time I start to disconnect really badly. Like I get tunnel vision and feel like passing out. It's bad. I have social anxiety and things like going to a restaurant or the mall really are over whelming for me. I hate being in cars because it makes my dp worse, etc. So obviously, I'm not a normal person who can handle normal stuff with ease and so I eventually have to tell people about the dp. And every single time, without fail, it scares them off. So I got sick of it and put the dp in my profile and that significantly reduced the amount of people who contacted me. You can see who views your profile. I have gotten like 200 to 300 views and only like 3 people talk to me. And that is only because they don't bother to look up dp on google and then I explain to them what it is and they run too.

You know, I didn't choose to get this. It happened because something was so freaking traumatic that my mind shut down. I was abused to the point where my brain went into hiding. If people met someone who has been raped or physically beaten they would be like "oh you poor thing" and still date them and want to love them. But because my brusies and scars are mental, they run. Because, let's face it, no one wants to be with a crazy person. Even though I'm not crazy, they see me that way and they just have no interest in dealing with that. It's so unfair. I am ready to date. I am ready to be in a relationship and I have a lot that I can offer another person. I am like 80% recovered. It's not like I'm still where I am completely numb and can't get out of bed. I feel emotions deeply again. I can love, and laugh and contribute to a relationship and I want to be in a relationship. I want to have someone respect, appreciate, and care for me and I want to give those things to someone else.

Why is it that after having been mistreaded and abused and unloved to the point that I got dp that I now suddenly don't deserve anyone's love at all? In my mind, I would think that the fact that I went through that hell and am now suffering another hell as a result should make me MORE deserving of a good relationship. I think I've earned it.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

Maybe since they think dp is something worse than what it is tell them instead of dp you have anxiety issues. Because everyone kind of knows what anxiety issues are, and some people claim dp stems from anxiety anyway so it's kind of true. You're lucky you had so many people look at you, I only had 500ish in a year...and no serious dates/replies. Only crazy sex obsessed people I wonder what's wrong with me.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

babybowrain said:


> Maybe since they think dp is something worse than what it is tell them instead of dp you have anxiety issues. Because everyone kind of knows what anxiety issues are, and some people claim dp stems from anxiety anyway so it's kind of true. You're lucky you had so many people look at you, I only had 500ish in a year...and no serious dates/replies. Only crazy sex obsessed people I wonder what's wrong with me.


Yeah I could say anxiety but I'd still have to be like "I can't stand to be in public places, can't go to clubs, can't dance, can't ride of amusement park rides, can't stand to be in the car for more than an hour at a time, can't do anything later than 9 pm or earlier than 2 hours after I wake up, etc. They'd know it was more than anxiety.

Well I put the picture on my profile that I have on here so that's probably it. Figures the first time I curl my hair in 7 years people are all like "OOOOHHHH PRETTY" lol. I normally don't wear make up, have bad under eye circles, my hair is a mess, etc.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

yeah i had mine straightened and ive put on my makeup right in my picture but still no luck







I have a feeling my crappy grammar turns people off or something. You can also try just being like "I don't feel like going out today, can you come to my house instead?" and just be really persistent. Although I'm not sure that's safe.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

I'm thinking this is caused by something you are doing based on beliefs that you have about yourself.

For me it's been like, 'I can't date because I can't feel. I don't want them to find out that I'm dead inside.'

That's the belief that I have in my head that stops me from doing a lot of social stuff.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

never_giving_up said:


> I'm thinking this is caused by something you are doing based on beliefs that you have about yourself.
> 
> For me it's been like, 'I can't date because I can't feel. I don't want them to find out that I'm dead inside.'
> 
> That's the belief that I have in my head that stops me from doing a lot of social stuff.


Having people on dating websites choose to not contact me or to immediately stop contact after they hear about the dp is not anything I am doing. I tell them what dp is, how it still affects me and that I am looking for someone who accepts that and wants to be with me despite it. If that's driving people away, that's their issue, not mine.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> Having people on dating websites choose to not contact me or to immediately stop contact after they hear about the dp is not anything I am doing. I tell them what dp is, how it still affects me and that I am looking for someone who accepts that and wants to be with me despite it. If that's driving people away, that's their issue, not mine.


Are you looking for them to make you happy?


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

never_giving_up said:


> Are you looking for them to make you happy?


 Um no. I stated in my original post why I am looking for a relationship.....


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

OK, well I don't think DP makes you unlovable. It might be harder to find someone who can accept you with DP, but when you do find them you'll know you've found someone special.

You are certainly not unlovable though.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Just wanna say sorry about my other comments. I think I was projecting my own experiences onto you.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

never_giving_up said:


> Just wanna say sorry about my other comments. I think I was projecting my own experiences onto you.


I think so but it's all good. Thanks for the apology.


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## snowcat3030 (Sep 30, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> This is rant so feel free to skip it.
> 
> It is seriously getting on my LAST freaking nerve how having dp scares men away. I set up an online dating profile and have had it up for several months. At first I tried to hide that I had dp. I didn't put it in my profile but I can't fake being normal. When I talk to people for any amount of time I start to disconnect really badly. Like I get tunnel vision and feel like passing out. It's bad. I have social anxiety and things like going to a restaurant or the mall really are over whelming for me. I hate being in cars because it makes my dp worse, etc. So obviously, I'm not a normal person who can handle normal stuff with ease and so I eventually have to tell people about the dp. And every single time, without fail, it scares them off. So I got sick of it and put the dp in my profile and that significantly reduced the amount of people who contacted me. You can see who views your profile. I have gotten like 200 to 300 views and only like 3 people talk to me. And that is only because they don't bother to look up dp on google and then I explain to them what it is and they run too.
> 
> ...


Hey there Fairyppl,

I can relate to you, I have found that the same thing can happen to a guy too. I have been out with chicks, the RS was going really well no prob and the moment I have mentioned OCD and/or DP something seems to really freak them out. I think it is ignorance about mental illness. Even in a RS where my partner has acknowledged the mental illness they truly never understand and sometimes can be quite cruel about it. Like I would warn them if I was in a certain mood but they would hear but not acknowledge. Sometimes I think I should just go out with someone with the same mental illness, so they can have the empathy to understand my ups and downs and vice versa. I have a friend who has OCD too and she is married to a man without an illness, she says to me that when he doesn't understand her sometimes and says to her "don't be an idiot" when she is having a ritual it is the most hurtfull thing ever for her. I can understand that totally.

If this is not out of line, not only are you beautiful, you ARE loveable darlin' and you WILL find the right guy. And I think our condition DOES make us more deserving of having someone to love and have those feeling recipricated.


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## doing ok (Jan 6, 2011)

Im new on the site and read your write up. I wanted to respond cos i also found the dating sites a negative experience but I didnt put any info on the challenges I face. I think generally a lot of those sites are people just looking for sex and not realy wanting anything more. I also feel I am too different but I know I am both loveable and loved, by me first and foremost. Relationships are hard at the best of times, let alone when life is viewed from behind a glass wall. If we are still learning about dp and dr then it must be really confusing to people who dont have it or knowledge of it. 
I work in the disability field and its amazing how scared people are of someone who has a disability. I cant work out if they think this stuff is contagious or dont want to be reminded of the reality that we are all fragile beings.
Some tines I think it is all cos I am weird but the more people I meet I think it isnt all me being weird.
Good luck withit all


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