# No empathy.



## Clove (Feb 14, 2012)

I have read that not loving family members is an effect of derealization.

I do not love my family. I probably loved them before, but now I constantly find myself visualizing their deaths just to see if I feel anything. I never do. All they are to me is shelter and food. I am cold and even sometimes cruel to them, it is like I can no longer empathize. 
Nothing upsets me anymore. Rape, torture, and murder don't turn my stomach. When I have the mental energy, I am manipulative and try to take advantage of people to make my life easier. My friend caught on and accused me of being a sociopath...

I cannot be a sociopath. I had empathy and feelings before derealization. My empathy and feelings must be dulled, that's all.

I want to know what love feels like again. I know I have to stop hurting people. Can anyone relate?


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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

I can relate to some extent, but I have anxiety more than DP. Mostly for me it just feels like my empathy is totally skewed. I'll be watching a TV show where someone cries, and suddenly I feel this immense pain from it. And I'll basically be appalled at anything like rape, torture or murder..I can't stand hearing about anything like that, it makes me feel crazy. 
Often with my family I'll not know how to react to things. For example, my sister will ask me to make her tea, and I'll be unsure how my old self would normally react to such request. I feel like normally I wouldn't and don't want to be some servant, so I try to say for her to make her own. But I hate myself at the same time for saying that. This goes for a lot of things. I just don't have a basis on what to say. And sometimes its like people expect me to just follow orders. Like their somehow helping me by asking me to do stuff, which is sort of stupid. Its hard to turn down people's requests, so I usually give in, but it makes me feel less like myself.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Clove said:


> I have read that *not loving family members is an effect of derealization. *


Where did you get this from?

Sure, not being able to fully recognize family members may be an effect of derealization, but not loving them? Hmm...don't know about that one.


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## nakata (Feb 12, 2012)

insaticiable said:


> Where did you get this from?
> 
> Sure, not being able to fully recognize family members may be an effect of derealization, but not loving them? Hmm...don't know about that one.


from what I've heard/read, emotionally numbness can be a symptom of depersonalisation/derealization. since a few weeks I, just like _insaticiable_, have difficulties feeling love for my family members. but I know that I used to love them and feel affection towards them. i feel totally numb and feel a strange unability to feel feelings. i never cry anymore, and I miss those feelings (affection, grief, love, guilts) so much, because they made me feel alive. i would rather be depressed, feel anxiety and cry every other day as I did before (of grief, and guilts for my family) than feeling like this. it was my feelings that created motivation to change my life situation, and without them i'm just livinig in a emotionally vakuum, not even able to feel something about my horrible state.


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## toshibatelly (Sep 13, 2011)

Clove said:


> I have read that not loving family members is an effect of derealization.
> 
> I do not love my family. I probably loved them before, but now I constantly find myself visualizing their deaths just to see if I feel anything. I never do. All they are to me is shelter and food. I am cold and even sometimes cruel to them, it is like I can no longer empathize.
> Nothing upsets me anymore. Rape, torture, and murder don't turn my stomach. When I have the mental energy, I am manipulative and try to take advantage of people to make my life easier. My friend caught on and accused me of being a sociopath...
> ...


I find myself feeling less and less repulsed by murders, rapes etc I'm a law student and so I spend a lot of my time dealing with these sort of things, but, truthfully, they stir up little to no emotion in me. I just don't care any more.

I still love my family and care about my friends, I have not lost that, so I am grateful.

I think the loss of empathy is a result of being so disconnected from the world around us for such a protracted period of time, news stories and second hand accounts are unreal enough, add DP into the mix and it is difficult to make yourself realise that every time you hear about a murder or a robbery or a rape or a child being abused a real human was hurt.

This all being said, my lack of empathy for the world around me doesn't bother me, for two reasons. Firstly I still have my morals, I may not _feel _concern for others but that doesn't mean I take advantage of them or go out of my way to harm them, I still consider such things wrong, secondly, it doesn't cause me nearly as much stress and suffering as other DP symptoms, such as distorted time perception, do.


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## Walkingzombie (Jul 7, 2011)

toshibatelly said:


> I find myself feeling less and less repulsed by murders, rapes etc I'm a law student and so I spend a lot of my time dealing with these sort of things, but, truthfully, they stir up little to no emotion in me. I just don't care any more.
> 
> I still love my family and care about my friends, I have not lost that, so I am grateful.
> 
> ...


A lot of the shit you said resonates with me, but I guess I just never at it from that perspective. I have a complete loss empathy for the world and others. Just one of my symptoms. I still care about and love my friends and family, but I can't feel it. I know I do I just don't feel the sensation of it.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

nakata said:


> i feel totally numb and feel a strange unability to feel feelings. i never cry anymore, and I miss those feelings (affection, grief, love, guilts) so much, because they made me feel alive. i would rather be depressed, feel anxiety and cry every other day as I did before (of grief, and guilts for my family) than feeling like this. it was my feelings that created motivation to change my life situation, and *without them i'm just livinig in a emotionally vakuum, not even able to feel something about my horrible state.*


THIS. ^


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## F. K. (Apr 27, 2017)

Same here. I remember when i was younger a specific moment when i was in bed and only by the thought of my parents or grandpa dying i really cried myself out. Then when a classmate died i cried again when alone. When my grandma died, the same thing happened. I cried my heart out. Although i never expressed my emotions in front of others when i saw my dad crying for his mom, i really wanted to go and hug him and cry beside him but i suppressed my emotions. I was always suppressing my emotions although i felt them. And somehow one day i was numb to feeling anything. Watched things about serial killers, tried to think about someone dying or read and watch something terrible but nothing got me. I started thinking that i am a psychopath or sociopath but again, how could it be possible if i was able to feel in the past?

Anyway, now i can think of not being able to feel as a defense mechanism for my body to stop feeling anxious and depressed cause before i really was anxious all the time and overthinking a lot. Now that i don't feel it's better although i still overthink a bit but it's much better not feeling anxious all the time. I can't feel love towards anyone or my family but i've read some stuff and i guess it's a choice in the end. Even thought you can't feel or you are numb to terrible stuff, it's a choice to care, to try to understand others, to help others, to do the right thing. I haven't lost the sense of what's right or wrong so as long i have that i can still do kind actions and good even though i can't feel it. You can still change someone's life by doing something good even you won't feel it. Check out the butterfly effect to realize how each one of us is special and we matter.

Now that am writing this i have thought of another way to perceive not being able to feel. We can think of it as a superpower. Being numb to lots of things we can still move forward and do things that might impact positively ourselves and others.

I started writing a journal and meditating and i am basically searching for who i am, to find my values and what i stand for, set some goals maybe too. This, even if you can't feel, will give you some sort of sense and a canvas to which you can move on with your life. I will also try to feel compassion for others. I don't really know if i will ever feel again but that doesn't stop me from trying. It's a choice in the end.


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