# my story (finally)



## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

hmm.


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Wow Peach


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

I put the adove in because I wanted to make sure I was the first to get back to you.

I just put non tempered glass on a table we use outside.
I am going to take it off.
I wonder how you changed as a child. What would you be like? I always wonder about what the non dpd Mark would be like ? don?t answer that question Darren
DPD makes you fragile. Stress is a problem for us unless it is positive like your Philosophy class.
So dpd made you question the basic meaning of life even before you knew you had DPD. Me too. 
Did you have that feeling that people seemed to be running around doing all kinds of things for reasons you could not understand?

You were probably drawn to abnormal psychology class because somehow you knew that you were not normal. 
I had a huge university level abnormal psychology text book when I was in high school that I would read instead of doing homework.

I used to read philosophy. Mostly ancient philosophy. It just pissed me off because they had no answers.
So, I had the opposite reaction.

It?s funny what you grasp for when you don't know what you have but you know there is something wrong.

Well that was a great story.
Do you feel better?
I do -thanks.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

thanks mark.

YES. i most definitely have kinda always had that feeling that people seemed to be running around like ants without really questioning any of what they were doing and it frustrated me that i (seemed) to be the only one feeling that way.

it always seemed i was searching for a group of people that were like me. i used to think people that cut themselves were probably a lot like me but whenever i met someone that did, i was always mostly disappointed. 
i remember writing in my journal years back and saying how i felt like i was the only one in search of authentic and real moments. i'm so thankful for that journal because i can look back on all my feelings and see how they developed and how the feelings i felt before i even knew dpd existed were dead on.

it was odd because the other day i was in this womans basement babysitting a group of kids and all of a sudden i was pulled back into my childhood again and i remember the feeling it was like being around the other kids and feeling the disconnection. i recognize that feeling today as dpd but back then, being a kid i didnt know better. it was just odd that it hit me all of a sudden that maybe i felt like that a lot as a child. before that, i figured it developed later. but now i'm beginning to think it surfaced much earlier.

i love the fact that all these outside factors led me to my understanding now. without that class, i would probably be quite lost in the dark and doing things that were unhealthy maybe or still just really really lost. (i might still be lost but at least it feels better knowing you guys).

it's cool that there are still all those differences between us here. like the fact that philosophy gave you the opposite reaction. sometimes it's hard for me to comprehend that you guys are all people going out and doing people things all the time and have a life other than this dp. and sometimes it's even hard for me to believe that you guys are real at all.

thanks for the reply mark. 
now i have to go read about cyber-friendships good or bad? for psych class. 
woo!

tell me a story about you now.


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

Hi peachy, thank you for sharing your story  I wish i could share my story like that but it's too complicated


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

hey hazelnutta. i never told you but i love your username! i'd love to hear about your story, even if it's just some of it. have a good day. hopefully it's looking better there than it is here. soooo rainy, inside day.


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## Guest (Sep 4, 2008)

Mark said:


> Wow Peach


Yeah you cheated Mark.  .i was first..looks at the time differance.

Thanks for sharing Peachy.I havnt shared my story either really because like hazel said with hers...its complicated and very very long.


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## recover (Aug 9, 2008)

Hi Peachy, thanks for sharing your story. It is interesting to see how completely different individuals, with completely different issues end up with this common problem, dp.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Oh Jinny, thanks for your story!! Your mind must have had a defensive mechanism at a very young age then, I mean 2 years old, that must have been so so scary, therefore putting your mind and body into a "safer place".

I have a couple of suggestions which might sound silly but im going to put it out there anyway.

1) Hypnotherpay, there are good therapists out there that put you into a nice relaxed state, so relaxed that you can go back to the incident like a "fly on the wall" see that you are ok etc, therefore the mind then can switch back.

2) Have u tried like smashing some glass? This could be so fun, but it was more to see if you felt anything from it, like if you could go to a safe place and just smash the glass and visualize you falling into see so if it makes u fee anyhting? If u dont feel comfortable with that then they can do that technique in hypnotherpay using visualisation work. Just a thought my little darling xxxx


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

good story Jinelle. likes Lynsey said, I find it fascinating how DP comes on in so many different ways. I start to wonder if it comes on in so many different ways, wouldnt there be so many different ways to get out of it? hmm thanks for sharing your story.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

Optimusrhyme said:


> I start to wonder if it comes on in so many different ways, wouldnt there be so many different ways to get out of it?


exactly! 

robyn i like your thinking. that sounds like something that would not only be beneficial but also very interesting. i've never tried something like that but i've always thought it sounded great. and thank you for putting into words what i've been trying to explain. when i mean that the dp could have came from the concussion, i don't mean brain damage but the fact that i went into hiding in my mind. if i can find a way to retrieve that small part of me that is still hiding, that could be a world of difference in me!

thank you for the suggestions. i like the breaking glass idea.


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## Guest (Sep 22, 2008)

Oh I allways wanted to try that spanish/italian ?? thing where they dance about throwing plates for fun....that would be great!


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

lol lynsey i think its greek!

There are restaurants that do that! HOw good would that be right now?

I also want to climb ontop of a yellow bulldozer with a flower on it and scream down a quarry lol x


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

and then we could eat some saganaki. yes pleease.

we would feel so alive if we screamed into a quarry robyn 
we should have zach braff donate money to us other numb individuals. maybe he'd understand


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

ha-ha Jinny , he is single now so what say we bust a move? xx


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

good lord, how is that man single? HONESTLY?
so what if he's 33. . . gotta snatch him before its too late.

damn i miss you robsy. you must be pretty busy huh?


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

No I am here now, I needed to take some time out for a while, Im working on things relevant etc. But also needed some reflection time, therapy is getting tough ( in a good way) so its taking a lot out of me 

But Im here now, sorry I havent been around, I will try d/load AIM just so I can speak with you!!

How u doing?

Much, Muchos, Grande Love

Robs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

it sounds like you've been doing really well lately 
whatever you're doing seems to be working. 
reflection is good, i understand.


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## letsgetbetter (May 29, 2008)

I developed dp after a concussion. Was quite a bad one. I didn't wake up in hospital or anything but I was totally confused for a good 15-20 minutes. I remember bits of that time and I remember how incredibly scared I was. Afterwards I just had this terrible deep down dread that something wasn't right and I had permanently damaged my brain and I was completely powerless to do anything about it. That's when the anxiety attacks began and the dp began to grow. Concussion is a strange injury because it goes straight to your very core, your mind.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

wow. just wow. we should really talk. i've never found anyone that got dp after a concussion...


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

You deff should break some glass.

I can't believe I haven't seen this thread until now. Your story makes since to me. I guess because you have pretty much told me most of it anyways, but also that you learned to use DP as a defense mechanism as a child.

Lynsey once told me something along the lines that our minds are so much more powerful than we think and we have a whole bag of psychological tricks to use in difficult situations that we aren't even consciously aware we have. Maybe you learned that as a kid when your head hit the glass because you probably freaked out and didn't know how to cope with it being so young. (I just remembered my mom telling me one time i fell out of a little bathtub off of a table as a kid and landed on my head :evil:. Note to self - do not drop kids on head!)

Jordan wrote 


> good story Jinelle. likes Lynsey said, I find it fascinating how DP comes on in so many different ways. I start to wonder if it comes on in so many different ways, wouldnt there be so many different ways to get out of it? hmm thanks for sharing your story.


I totally agree.

For me I feel like DP is an addiction. It's my escape. I don't want to be here but I'm at the point where it's the only place I know to be. This doesn't mean it's impossible to feel life again. It just means we have to learn to trust ourselves again. May be a long path, but really it's not bad if you just take one day at a time and don't overwhelm yourself with it. One thing Lyns said too that really resonates is that DP, DR, fear anxiety, depression - THEY ARE ONLY FEELINGS!!! They are not life.

I figure you probably know all this already. You are strong Jinelle. To grow up your whole life being DP'd, depressed, causing physical pain just to feel, feeling like you are different than everyone else and not knowing why, and not being able to feel it, and to still be here today. You are very very strong. Let yourself know that.

Blessings, I love ya. Go out and break some fucking glass while listening to this song vvvv (you've seen office space right?).. and then throw paint all over it  





Kenny


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

Kenny,

oh shit. no. DANE. dane dane dane.

number one: i love you and your terrible memory. we've talked about office space before and i think this scene in particular haha and have plans to watch it in chicago.

number two: thank you for all of that above. really.

number three: you are surfing right now. wtf that's so cool. 8)

number four: i woke up at 5:00 today. shit. fail on living a productive day. you win.

okay i'm gonna watch that vid you posted now.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

hahahahahhahah "DIE MOTHER FUCKER DIE MOTHER FUCKER DIE!"


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Haha yes, we are definitely going to watch Office Space in Chicago. We need to make a to do list.


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