# Just took a shower...



## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

...and wasn't able to handle it. A shower! I don't feel like I am in my body. It's very scary at least to say. I don't feel like I am watching myself or I am floating, I just don't feel like I am in this body. Huh?! What the hell?? I don't understand the concept of me being in this body. That I am just these pair of eyes and I can only see myself in the mirror yet other people can see me? And they're just these pair of eyes too? Is ot cause of the blank mind? That I don't feel connected? Anybody can relate? SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP! I feel like I got completely crazy


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## Gadgirl (Feb 5, 2016)

When I'm having a bath or a shower it's like I can't feel it I feel like part of the water cause my body is so numb


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

Can you "feel" yourself "there"? So you feel like you're not in your body? I don't even know who is typing this...


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## pasha (Jan 2, 2016)

same for me plus i have to leave the shower soon or i panic


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## pasha (Jan 2, 2016)

same for me plus i have to leave the shower soon or i panic


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

I actually had to leave because of the panic...


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## lifehurts (Oct 30, 2016)

i actually can't even really reply to these posts even though i registered to this website solely for this to get in contact with you Mezona because I literally feel how you describe you feel in all of your posts and threads. Ugh fucking hell nobody understands how unbelievably hard this is... If you want I'm sure I could get skype on my phone and we could chat on that. My actual name is Isabella.


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

Lifehurts , Isabella, I just read your post. Contact me, I am up for chat.


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## dope (Aug 31, 2016)

Hm, weird. For me, baths are always relaxing. 
Everyone's different though, I guess


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

Dope, they used to be for me too... Guess you aren't DP'd then? :O


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## Jkbobell (Feb 1, 2015)

I get this also


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## dope (Aug 31, 2016)

mezona said:


> Dope, they used to be for me too... Guess you aren't DP'd then?


Nope, I'm still DP'ed. I don't know, they are simply relaxing to me. Gives me an opportunity to think about my day, think about good stuff. I don't know - just try to relax from all of this chaotic life.


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## Lostsoul26 (Nov 9, 2016)

Wow mezona u just described my dp to a T.yes its horrific.but when im taking a shower is the only time I get complete alone time away from family.were I can kid of meditate on my own i guess or really basically freak out about how dpd I am.I find my self staring at my hands alot n just thinking this is fucked up how can u feel so disconnected from your own self.then I just stare at the water n my numb blank mind.the water hitting my body makes me feel like I actually have a body though.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I am frightened every second really but showers are nearly impossible. Sometimes I wonder if I have DP though. You guys I can't even barely breathe!! My presence is completely gone....my WHOLE being. I am not existing at all. There is no one there to exist. I am unresponsive basically. I mean is this how you all are? My entire soul is gone. I don't have a head feeling and I have no control over my body bc I am not here!!!!!


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## evolvingpsyche (Oct 20, 2015)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> I am frightened every second really but showers are nearly impossible. Sometimes I wonder if I have DP though. You guys I can't even barely breathe!! My presence is completely gone....my WHOLE being. I am not existing at all. There is no one there to exist. I am unresponsive basically. I mean is this how you all are? My entire soul is gone. I don't have a head feeling and I have no control over my body bc I am not here!!!!!


Remember those are just your thoughts you attach feelings to. You feel unreal and you start to wonder is the world real. If you wouldn't feel that way the thoughts wouldn't scare you. If you need help with existential thoughts PM me, I had them for many many months.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

evolvingpsyche said:


> Remember those are just your thoughts you attach feelings to. You feel unreal and you start to wonder is the world real. If you wouldn't feel that way the thoughts wouldn't scare you. If you need help with existential thoughts PM me, I had them for many many months.


You are wrong. They are intense feelings I attach thoughts too. You definitely haven't experienced these things if you think they are mere thoughts. Pretty sure the feelings came first and I now am considering suicide as my only way out. I don't have a freaking body!! Please someone here relate to me. You guys really have lost all hope


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

hey, coffeegirl9. we're here. try to take a breath, okay? and another one. you sound really scared. the things you describe sound really scary. I bet I'd be super scared too.

people have a lot of different experiences, and people have a lot of different things that do or don't work for themselves. I'm starting to notice a pattern of some people feeling like the answers that worked for them are the answers that work for everybody, which is frustrating for the people they don't work for. your feelings are yours. your thoughts are yours. no one will ever understand them the same way you do.

that doesn't mean no one will understand you! someone can understand you super crazy well, better than you ever expected, but they won't have the same experiences as you. so they might still miss things sometimes. it's not your fault and it's not even their fault, it's just a thing that is. if you know something to be true for your personal experience, hold to it. you have the best shot out of anybody at knowing the truth about yourself.

I don't think that I have felt that same feeling of not having a body, so I don't know what it feels like, and I don't know what might work for me when I feel it. I do have a slightly more general suggestion, though. would it maybe help to read through other people's experiences? look through other threads and blogs and stuff? if you can find someone that describes something that resonates with you, that sounds like you feel, maybe you can try talking to them. maybe they'll have something you can hold onto.

I hope things improve for you.


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## evolvingpsyche (Oct 20, 2015)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> You are wrong. They are intense feelings I attach thoughts too. You definitely haven't experienced these things if you think they are mere thoughts. Pretty sure the feelings came first and I now am considering suicide as my only way out. I don't have a freaking body!! Please someone here relate to me. You guys really have lost all hope


Not sure if I explained it somehow wrong.
You have feelings of feeling unreal -> you start attaching existential thoughts like "am I real?"
it can also be reversed where you have existential thoughts -> anxiety which increases feelings of unreality.

If you think I haven't experienced it, your call.


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## Lostsoul26 (Nov 9, 2016)

I feel the exact way coffeegirl.its like my whole self existence is not here.my body is here as I can see it but my mind and soul is not


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Lostsoul26 said:


> I feel the exact way coffeegirl.its like my whole self existence is not here.my body is here as I can see it but my mind and soul is not


How do you cope? I mean I am ready to die.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

evolvingpsyche said:


> Not sure if I explained it somehow wrong.
> You have feelings of feeling unreal -> you start attaching existential thoughts like "am I real?"
> it can also be reversed where you have existential thoughts -> anxiety which increases feelings of unreality.
> 
> If you think I haven't experienced it, your call.


Not just feelings of unreal feelings of GONE. I don't have thoughts ever. I don't have my inner monologue. I am not in my body. I never speak. My self is gone. There are no thoughts bc there is no annie to think the thoughts. Don't you get what I am saying?


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

I didn't have body at all, not in a way like my thoughts were away, i just felt air instead of it. When i've lost my head i thought that's the final stage, but no, then my personality completely vanished, i didn't recognize my body and myself and i didn't know who i am, and i didn't understand anything, it felt like someone else is there instead of me, there were no me anymore, i was scared of myself and then i realized that there are two options, first to try meds and second is to kill myself, cause i could't feel like that anymore, for lots of people dp is not so intense, so they do not understand how lucky they are. I can say just that i've tried couple of ssris and it made it worse, then i tried another one with antipsychotics and i nearly came back to normal slowly, like in a few months, i still have terrible anxiety, but my ego came back almost completely, a lil bit of emotions and my whole body came back, so i can lead almost normal life apart from the thing that i have exhausting anxiety and depression. I still want to die every day, but i'm looking forward small things, to have a coffee, to see friends, to play with my son, to look good, to have a party, to fall asleep or watch a movie. It is reversable, i'm not myself anymore like i used to be, i forgot what it means to laugh because you want to, to be happy, to have a desire to do something, to dream, to have a goal, but i'm doing tiny things, like touching my dogs fur and imagining how i would enjoy it if i was me again, thinking what will i wear if i'll go out with my handsome friend, thinking hiw to please my husband, to be a good smiley mom. I'm writing this not because i'm ok, i just don't want to lose all this, if i will die i would never see my close people, i'm scared of it more than of dp. Even if i'm lack of emotions and depressed and i'm done with my life, at least i can see the sun, my family from a side being happy, how my son is growing and how my pets are playing. It's more like a movie now, i'm just watching them enjoying life, and once i was a person who created this loving company of friends and relatives. Maybe i will decide to die one day, but if i will, i will go away silently, with no panic, listening to good music and eating something tasty....and now writing this i want to cry....


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## evolvingpsyche (Oct 20, 2015)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> Not just feelings of unreal feelings of GONE. I don't have thoughts ever. I don't have my inner monologue. I am not in my body. I never speak. My self is gone. There are no thoughts bc there is no annie to think the thoughts. Don't you get what I am saying?


Apparently there is no way convincing you. May you find your own way.


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I went through all that. I hated the feeling of water on my body. I'm thankful I can enjoy a hot shower today. Just saying that your discomfort with water is not necessarily permanent.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

evolvingpsyche said:


> Apparently there is no way convincing you. May you find your own way.


What are you trying to convince me of exactly? that i am actually in my body and it's all in my head? Yes good luck convincing me of that.


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