# Derealization + large imagination = madness?



## ash_is_sad (Oct 27, 2007)

I was in the pub earlier, and friends started getting existential. It freaked me out. They said that reality could be a large joke, and we are on a different plane to it. I became completely derealized. Then they starting talking about people who have been brain washed, and saying that they knew how it could happen, because you could believe anything. Thats when I had to leave.

I went home, and had a bath, and felt better. But looking back, I thought; oh my god, reality does feel like a joke to me. It feels less real than my fears. I then started going through all the reasons why this could be; do I know something others dont? Is this all a joke? Is this a conspiracy?

I have never been insane in my life. I have never left reality, never hallucinated, never became deluded, but I have suffered from anxiety, depression and Pure O since I was 15 years old, and this was 6 years ago.

Because of this, I know that I am completely against the facts concerning Schizophrenia. But who's to say that someone who isn't predisposed cannot have a psychotic break? Loads of people say it's possible.

When I used to have OCD fears, I used to read about someone insane like Salvador Dali, and then read about when he wanted to kick his sister in the face. I would then fear about say, wanting to kick dogs in the face, and actually imagine-up a desire to do it. I know I had imagined it up, but it was enough to make me convinced that I wanted to do it.

Who says this can't happen with delusions? I.e. I could lose track of reality one day because I could completely fall into my derealised fears? I believe it could happen, I believe its going to happen, and I have nothing to stop it. Because, all I know is MY reality, and MY reality is often derealized, and MY reality has a huge imagination, where I can call up emotional states and attach them to things to test if they are true. The other night I felt hopeless for the first time in 2 years. I was so dissasociated, and felt absolutely nothing in my future, except for subtle whispers of existential or suicide fears.

Does anyone ever feel this way? Please spare me basic reassurance, I can do that myself, I'd prefer intelligent discussion.

(P.s. don't think I'm completey shut-minded because I'm not. Derealization can sometimes be hilarious. I would like to meet anyone who has had the pleasure of looking at human beings from an unfamiliar eye. We look hilarious. We are long, with two long legs, like two sticks. Last time I was drunk I laughed, alot.)


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## ihavemessedupdreams (Apr 19, 2007)

hey first I just wanna ask if you can elaborate on "brainwashed"

now onto what your talking about I can offer you some peace of mind in telling you my experience with dp/dr. I have somthing about me that is I dont know "bad" I guess Im very spirtual and DP/DR for me is somthing serious but diffrent for me then others here. because I belive the dp/dr to the fullest extent I dont question it at all I just go with it. this is why I belive I eliminated DR within 2weeks of getting it. I just belived it and gave into it. thats the kind of person I am when it comes to these "out of world expeeriences like that" they dont phaze me for some reason. I belived the those type of thoughts like they where nothing and it vanished!

as for the dp. this is why I wanted you to elaborate on brainwashing because I think I have been brainwashed. again this doesint scare me

we are highly hypnotised individuals in my and some others opions you need to not fear this kind of stuff but embrace it understand it and live side by side with it then let it go once you get bored of it.

"to much observation leads to paralyzation"

In order to release an emotion it has to be felt.
In order to release thoughts you have to let them come and go.


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## ash_is_sad (Oct 27, 2007)

I know the irony of DP and DR!

The irony is that it is entirely constructed by our fears. Once accepted, it disappears and that is because we were fearing something, and DP/DR became that something.

There is no reason to accept it. It is not a part of the brain, it is a symptom of anxiety - of which the only biological cause could be severe OCD, and these two things dont often run hand in hand. I can't stand how people here just seem to think they can do nothing about it. WRONG. So annoying! So defeatus!

However, once recognising the nature of the addiction doesn't make it any easier.

When I was talking about brainwashing, I meant that it would be easy to take a disassaciated kid with DR and make them believe their fears, or so I think. If someone played on them, I think I could snap. I could be lost to them. I could be deemed pyschotic.

I dont know if this is just another fear or the truth.


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## Ludovico (Feb 9, 2007)

Existential thoughts and discussions are probably best avoided if you are afflicted with DP. What good could possibly come of it? You know it's just going to lead you into more intense DP... so just avoid it all together. It's kind of like a recovering cocaine addict chopping up a gram and putting it beside his bed at night... just stupid ignorant temptation.


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## ash_is_sad (Oct 27, 2007)

Doesn't anyone relate though? Maybe I am just mental.

Does no one fear their fears becoming delusions, then becoming pyschosis?
Is this possible?!


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## KEEPCALM (Jan 15, 2008)

Removed


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## medo (Dec 19, 2006)

When my dp/dr was at its worst, I came across a book called "matter-another name for illusion". I read it and I was shocked. The scientist who wrote it claimed that we actually dont even exist, but we just think we do. Just like if you play a video game and the characters are there but they are not. Man it took me months to overcome that shit. But now that I feel "more real" or less dpd, that theory doesnt bother me.

Now, when your ocd starts with "how, why, what if, etc" dp locks ur brain and ur in a subconcious state where you think maybe you are delusional or maybe you are developing psychosis. Thats normal for us to feel that way.

And you are much less likely to develop psychoses than a healthy person. Because you are always alert and on guard. Psychosis is when u dont know what ur doing or if ur doing something but U Think ur doing something else. Kicking ur dog in the face or having an urge to do it is ocd/dp combination. I went through it all.

ps. you will never get so dpd that u dont know what ur doing.


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## gecko (Nov 27, 2006)

"It's kind of like a recovering cocaine addict chopping up a gram and putting it beside his bed at night... just stupid ignorant temptation."

Lmfao! Psychosis won't result from thinking about it. DP/DR can be a negative symptom of psychosis, probably just because it puts such a strain on the psyche anyway. DP/DR is torturing your self, give up and move on.


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## ash_is_sad (Oct 27, 2007)

Thankyou guys, really cool responses. I feel alot better.

I swear a combination of DP, hopelessness, OCD and general severe anxiety is probably worse than pyschosis anyway!
xxx


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## Morgulon (Jan 21, 2008)

Just wanted to say everytime I get DR/DP really bad I take a bath too.


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## DRyan (Jan 19, 2008)

I often convince myself that the world is all part of my imagination.

I also toy with the idea that my life is an experiment.

The idea is always that my environment is an extension of my thought. I feel like the things people do but especially say are my own ideas and thoughts. Everything revolves around me. Its really really hard to truly believe that other people have their own consciousness.

Proof that I'm narcissistic?


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## Makuren (Sep 15, 2007)

DRyan said:


> I often convince myself that the world is all part of my imagination.
> 
> I also toy with the idea that my life is an experiment.
> 
> ...


Proof granted! :roll:


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## ash_is_sad (Oct 27, 2007)

DRyan I can do that, its like the opposite of fearing I am in the Truman show - feeling that I'm looked after, or in control.

Great delusion


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## Guest (Jan 23, 2008)

Nah, Truman show over solipism anyday, truman show would be objective reality.


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