# my introduction/ recovery in-process



## interlunar (Jul 16, 2008)

About 4 months ago at school I tried MDMA for the third time in my life. This led to a mild case of anxiety which, however annoying, was totally managable.Strangely enough, it seemed to feed off of itself, and As it was exacerbated, toward the end of the school year (about 2 months after my ecstasy consumption), I experienced mild, isolated episodes of DP/DR, which frightened me as i had no real idea as to what they actually were. Upon coming home from college, starting a new job and living at home, my symptoms worsened exponentially. I became frighteningly depressed, increasingly anxious and, basically, chronically depersonalized (all of which started roughly a month ago). I hit absolute rock bottom about 3 weeks ago, to the point where my appetite had totally escaped me, maintaing any regular sleeping habit was impossible, and even my sex life suffered (erectile dysfunction at 19? REALLY?). Normal emotional interactions were terribly confusing, I thought I was going crazy or losing every ounce of brainpower i possessed, getting anxious caused my social and verbal abilities to totally malfuncation, and i was quite frankly paranoid about a host of ridiculous things.

Anyway, after countless hours searching the internet convincing myself I had inheritted some type of retro-active brain damage from my drug use, I realized that i was experiencing depersonalization. In hindsight I see now how my anxiety fed off of itself, where my constantly thinking I wasn't alright conditioned me to be, well, not alright. This was the first (and largest) step in my ongoing recovery. I'm till suffering from DP, anxiety, and depression, but i understand that depersonalization is ONLY a mechanism our brains use to protect us from excessive stress or trauma, and thus if we find ways of removing the said stress or trauma, complete recovery is waiting. Through simply knowing this i've improved A LOT. Eating right, exercising, and socializing have also helped me, and while I am still depersonalizaed most of the day, lately there have been moments of clarity, which i thought completely impossible some 21 days ago.

I apologize for this ridiculously confusing introduction/ recovery/ help post

best of luck everybody.


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## anonomatt (Jun 18, 2008)

Heya

Just wanted to say your post was not confusion, and I can relate!

(although I stumbled upon your post, cos I was curious if mdma might help me out of my marijuana induced dp) 

Good advice, and I hope things are continually improving for you!

Cheers


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