# I dont fit.



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

I have allways felt like "I dont fit"...since childhood ,its a feeling I cannot shake off,I dont belong anywhere.It allways feels like its "them" and me ...never "us".I dont fit,I dont belong.....I am alone.I am a mis fit! lol.

I cant be with people.
Im to damaged,to hurt.
I keep thinking what the f*ck am I doing here?,what,what the hell am I doing here.


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

You fit into your own slot.


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

Big wig....big deal....big hairy wig.


----------



## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

to quote another gem, Tolle says:
"resistance is negativity"

what do you resist?

imagine, for a moment, that could accept it...

what is your immediate reaction to that possibility?

then you work out if you still want to keep resisting it.


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

Eckholt tolle can suck my tits.


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

telling me to take advice from "eckholt holier than thou tolle" right now is like telling somone with a broken leg to read about fixing it.


----------



## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

sorry for sounding preachy, it was just an idea for healing disunity.


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

I dont need to heal disunity...its just me..im not resisting anything.I dont know anymore.I just dont know.Thanks for the sugestion but ive done all that,and its great to a point,this vein runs deeper.


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

I spent yeasrs of my life watching my family my mum my dad my brother go out without me ,i spend years being outside of it all.
They left me....i sat there with a razor blade and a bible,willing myself to kill myself...untill they came home then i stayed in my room ...outside of it all.Never included.
Everyone eventually abandons me..why would i wanna fit into their world?...its dangerous.
You lot ,you arrange uk meets,you get along...but me no im shit im f*cking useless....living on the run..never gettin that close...do i want to live like this ,NO but i cant imagine it any other way coz its all i know..And now it hurts beyond beleif and i CANT stand it anymore,i cant breath.And everything is spinning inside of me.


----------



## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Spirit said:


> Eckholt tolle can suck my tits.


 :lol: now that would be funny to see with his little goat like face

Sorry dont mean to make light of your post, im similar having middle child syndrome and all that, your family tries to feck you up and people try to destroy you but you have survived and you are still here and one day you wont care about any of this so keep on going.


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

Spirit said:


> Eckholt tolle can suck my tits.


So make quote = get milk? :mrgreen:



> ?the "rear of the human body" and "between two imaginary lines, one on each side of the body (the ?outside lines?), which outside lines are perpendicular to the ground and to the horizontal lines described above and which perpendicular outside lines pass through the outermost point(s) at which each nate meets the outer side of each leg."


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

Spirit said:


> Everyone eventually abandons me..why would i wanna fit into their world?...its dangerous.
> You lot ,you arrange uk meets,you get along...but me no im shit im f*cking useless....living on the run..never gettin that close...do i want to live like this ,NO but i cant imagine it any other way coz its all i know..And now it hurts beyond beleif and i CANT stand it anymore,i cant breath.And everything is spinning inside of me.


I was abandoned when I needed some one... if you don't need any one... you'll most likely have people who want you.

I'm useless... I got fired from a volunteering job.... lol. It hurts when you don't get close and it hurts when you do.... although which would you rather have?


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

Pablo said:


> Spirit said:
> 
> 
> > Eckholt tolle can suck my tits.
> ...


Yeah ,that IS trippy.



> Sorry dont mean to make light of your post, im similar having middle child syndrome and all that, your family tries to feck you up and people try to destroy you but you have survived and you are still here and one day you wont care about any of this so keep on going.


I wish someone would show me that day.Its not that im bothered about whats happened really,its just now,now i feel lost in aloneness.It swallows me sometimes.



Darren said:


> It hurts when you don't get close and it hurts when you do....


Hmmm...its hurts to be alone..its good to get close...its scary to get close....its great to be alone........



> ?the "rear of the human body" and "between two imaginary lines, one on each side of the body (the ?outside lines?), which outside lines are perpendicular to the ground and to the horizontal lines described above and which perpendicular outside lines pass through the outermost point(s) at which each nate meets the outer side of each leg."


What?

now im going home to have another hellish night of being alone..i hate being alone at night.


----------



## Guest (Jul 4, 2008)

I want milk so I got you that quote :mrgreen:

You could phone me... as long as you only moan in a none sexually way, i'm not really in the mood for phone sex tonight :mrgreen:


----------



## cromanyak (Aug 19, 2007)

I've been through all that spiritual stuff too. I think most of it is kinda silly now, but I still do Zazen every day. It's the only thing I've found that works regarless. Even if you think your doing it all wrong as long as you keep the posture it's working.

Chris


----------



## Guest (Jul 5, 2008)

Phone you? what so you can continue to take the piss and also push pull me with your games,I love you apart from the games...I dont think so ,but thanks.And I dont do phone sex.

Rozanne im sorry if I was rude to you yesturday,I didnt mean to be.Its just to me eckholt tolle has taken the buddhas teachings of my own "religion" and made some pretty little millions out of them.
I already implenment not resisting which in buddhas language would be "no aversion".....because aversion is hatred.Part of me not restisting is allowing myself to feel these things withoyut recrimination for doing so.Feeling these things hurts but its a must as long as I remain some control...which is harder than we might think with the violent vulitle emotions of a child are surfacing.

Spirit.


----------



## Guest (Jul 5, 2008)

cromanyak said:


> I've been through all that spiritual stuff too. I think most of it is kinda silly now, but I still do Zazen every day. It's the only thing I've found that works regarless. Even if you think your doing it all wrong as long as you keep the posture it's working.
> 
> Chris


I dont think its silly,i just dont like eckholt tolle riping of my "religion"...you do zazen,thats great.


----------



## hurricane12 (May 22, 2008)

i never fit in either i got the face of a man but the heart of a child


----------



## Guest (Jul 5, 2008)

Spirit said:


> Phone you? what so you can continue to take the piss and also push pull me with your games,I love you apart from the games...I dont think so ,but thanks.And I dont do phone sex.
> 
> Spirit.


You already know there's a loveable part of me which you're not aware of... are you scared of meeting him? I do have to admit, I am confused about "game playing" with you... I'm missing something here, could someone esle please give me an idea what i'm doing which is a game? I do know I am doing something wrong because people have told me in the past that I play mind games... but how I am is normal to me.


----------



## Guest (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Darren.

I know you wanted someone else to comment ,but i want to share a perspective with you.
This "trying to piss people off behaviour" can actually be a way of gaining trust in that person or of "testing the limits/boounderies" to see how far you can push them before they push you away.
Weve all been talking about the inner child on the forum and this is what the inner child does to establish a healthy parent-child trusting relationship.If we cant do that as a child we still attempt to do it as an adult.Youre still seeking unconditional love and attempting to find that love and trust in somebody whilst trying to establish and become aware of the bounderie limits,so you "test" people-its not "bad" or "unhealthy" its just something you have to go through later than you should have because we wernt allowed as a child to go through these healthy emotional development phases as we should have.It can cause problems in the "adult world" though,when the adult doesnt realise that his inner child is seeking to find a healthy relationship framework.It may not be conscious to the person doing it,becming conscious of it is the begining of being able to heal it. Others may find the one doing it as "difficult" "spitful" "game playing" because they dont realise that its the inner child....Noone gets angry at a child for these things because its normal...but in the adult worrld other adults dont realise its the inner child.Make sence?.Ive done all this myself.I ghess even though I think I see what youre doing and why ,I have my own trust issues that make it hard for me to tolerate it,and trust you without thinking you are game playing because ive had games played with me as a child by adults.

Spirit.


----------



## coffeecup (Jun 29, 2008)

heres my crap take on this: 95% of people are utter bastards ...sorry but its true ..its not your fault.. its their fault

if your the life an soul of the party everyone wants to be around you... but when the shit truly hits the fan those 95% will not give a flying fuck about what happens to you ... ive had so many people do this to me, even so called "friends" .. this is normal human behaviour

i learned this well when i was growing up, i was never into the things everyone else was,couldnt relate to anyone in terms of who I was... so i learned to cover it up, always hide what your thinking what your feeling. how sad and depressed i really was inside, i learned to wear a face and be this happy go lucky mofo to fit in

sick thing is i WANT to be like them.. i want to not give a shit about people and just care about myself,have no concience and just screw everyone over .....but at the same time i could never be like that, because that isnt me, not a question of fucked up brain chemistry or anything along those lines, its just i couldnt live with myself if i became one of "them"

... catch 22


----------



## Guest (Jul 5, 2008)

I do enjoy it though... it's the same enjoyment I get from people making jokes, although while doing this i'm hurting some one... but I escape my surroundings while laughing, so it's selfish. I too beleive I missed out on some important parts of my childhood, or that I have forgot them because I couldn't handle something else which was happening at the same time of my life (4-7). I'm myself when I allow my child to play... I could become an adult and let my child out to play from time to time... although I find it hard to be sensible... it's tiring when I try to be serious.

Thanks.



Spirit said:


> Hi Darren.
> 
> I know you wanted someone else to comment ,but i want to share a perspective with you.
> This "trying to piss people off behaviour" can actually be a way of gaining trust in that person or of "testing the limits/boounderies" to see how far you can push them before they push you away.
> ...


----------



## Terri (Dec 19, 2006)

3333


----------



## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

MrMister said:


> heres my crap take on this: 95% of people are utter bastards ...sorry but its true ..its not your fault.. its their fault
> 
> if your the life an soul of the party everyone wants to be around you... but when the shit truly hits the fan those 95% will not give a flying flower* about what happens to you ... ive had so many people do this to me, even so called "friends" .. this is normal human behaviour


I COMPLETELY agree

when i was at university, the other kids wouldn't even invite me to eat dinner with them in the canteen
i use the word "kids" because they were literally, just like children.
shouting and screaming all hours, bullying, damaging tiles etc. 
i am ashamed to be British and I'm ashamed to be a young person
there is truely, such little respect and understanding it defies belief.


----------



## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

MrMister said:


> i couldnt live with myself if i became one of "them"
> 
> ... catch 22


again, just completely agree....i would be ashamed of myself if i lived and thought like most people. 
they only seem to care about physical and social gratification; at times i find it quite embarassing.

and because i think like that, others would say i have a massive ego. it is a struggle to overcome my ego. 
for sure, it's even harder when you feel like you are the only person who can see what is going on. 
a quick example: i'm living in a place where a lady with dementia is being cared for. 
out of 3 people, 2 of them shout at the old lady, call her names, tell her to shut up etc. all in her own home. 
she's dying for heavens sake. isn't that reason enough to not do that?

i suppose i'm just a moral narcissist, but seriously, it is hard to understand. at times i feel like i MUST come from another planet.


----------



## Guest (Jul 6, 2008)

There are some good people out there,I dont wanna be part of "those idiotic groups" either.


----------



## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

Spirit said:


> I have allways felt like "I dont fit"...since childhood ,its a feeling I cannot shake off,I dont belong anywhere.It allways feels like its "them" and me ...never "us".I dont fit,I dont belong.....I am alone.I am a mis fit! lol.
> 
> I cant be with people.
> Im to damaged,to hurt.
> I keep thinking what the f*ck am I doing here?,what,what the hell am I doing here.


totally agree and understand where you are coming from here !
i too always had that " im the black sheep of the family " and " noone understands me !" 
and its true !! SO TRUE !!
even now im 30 years old and still feel alone 
i get so low sometimes i think is it all worth it ??


----------



## Guest (Jul 8, 2008)

Hi Lisa  ,I remember you from the other forum....you advertised your self on ebay right?...well your freindship.
Yes black sheep ,thats what I allways called myself.

EDIT;Im 30 this year also. :?

Spirit.


----------



## Guest (Jul 8, 2008)

*i WANNA BUY Lisa! *  :mrgreen: $$$

Always wanted to buy soomone!


----------



## Guest (Jul 8, 2008)

Ever heard of prostitutes Darren....your wish could become reality.


----------



## Guest (Jul 8, 2008)

NAH!... not for sex! (Gawd why do you women always have sex on your god damn minds! :evil: ...lol)

I need a pot washer and soomone for massagers :mrgreen:


----------



## Guest (Jul 8, 2008)

Emulated Puppet}eer said:


> I need a pot washer and soomone for massagers :mrgreen:


Yes youre kinky ,you want massages with pink rubber gloves....


----------



## Guest (Jul 9, 2008)

lol good come back... 100.000.000 bonus points =D


----------



## coffeecup (Jun 29, 2008)

screw the bonus points... id want access to every psychiatric drug ever made

if i had an Rx pad id be well by now......... twatting 3rd world doctors...


----------



## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

Spirit said:


> Hi Lisa  ,I remember you from the other forum....you advertised your self on ebay right?...well your freindship.
> Yes black sheep ,thats what I allways called myself.
> 
> EDIT;Im 30 this year also. :?
> ...


yeah that was me .... it was a stunt really do get dp/dr noticed ... i was in the paper and they mentioned it .. so there's a start lol ... oh i ended up listing shortly afterwards lol ... 

and btw im NO prostitute thanks


----------



## Guest (Nov 6, 2008)

I never said you was a friggin proistitute LOL,you just read it wrong obviously....


----------



## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!! ?

lol ... i didnt mean that in a bad way lol .. sorry should of added this lil smilie 

rofl @ us ...x..


----------



## Guest (Nov 7, 2008)

LISA NICHOLS said:


> rofl @ us


Ditto! :wink:


----------



## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

I feel like I don't belong anywhere either


----------

