# tried driving alone - FAIL . need help from experienced Dpers



## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

So I tried driving today.. I was 2 minutes into it and I felt tolerable.. but then the inevitable weird ass feeling kicked in.. I started feeling weightless.. like my ass wasnt even on my seat.. and I felt like at any minute I could fall through my seat. I was going up a road and it was on a hill.. I couldn't pull over.. God knows how I got up the hill.. terrifying.. finally got to pull over.. felt like I was gonna fall through the ground? How do you explain this feeling.. is it a feeling or a phobia?

My mom had to come pick me up, when I got home I thought I wouldn't make it up the steps to my house because I'd disappear before I got to the door. I had to run to the door. I just felt like my soul or whatever I am on the inside is gonna leave my body. It was so weird.. it's like I was going to jump outta my skin.. I had no where to turn.. I didn't know if medicine would work to calm me down.. my heart wasn't racing I just felt really fucked up.. how do you treat that??

God.. does anyone else feel the falling through the floor sensation? Or am I the only one with that. Today was just brutal.. BRUTAL.... don't know how I managed to fall asleep.. and now I'm awake.. hoping that those sensations won't overwhelm me again

Sorry for those who read this and feel worse.. I was just hoping someone with experience and who isn't shit scared of dp anymore could shed some light for mee.

Thanks soldiers,

Soldier on!


----------



## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

outlaw said:


> So I tried driving today.. I was 2 minutes into it and I felt tolerable.. but then the inevitable weird ass feeling kicked in.. I started feeling weightless.. like my ass wasnt even on my seat.. and I felt like at any minute I could fall through my seat. I was going up a road and it was on a hill.. I couldn't pull over.. God knows how I got up the hill.. terrifying.. finally got to pull over.. felt like I was gonna fall through the ground? How do you explain this feeling.. is it a feeling or a phobia?
> 
> My mom had to come pick me up, when I got home I thought I wouldn't make it up the steps to my house because I'd disappear before I got to the door. I had to run to the door. I just felt like my soul or whatever I am on the inside is gonna leave my body. It was so weird.. it's like I was going to jump outta my skin.. I had no where to turn.. I didn't know if medicine would work to calm me down.. my heart wasn't racing I just felt really fucked up.. how do you treat that??
> 
> ...


Here is what I think. I'm pretty confused and unconclusive, but heres what I think outlaw.

Its anxiety. And its also pre-emptive anxiety or whatever. Anticipated. I experienced this. I had to go to a meeting and I wasn't all too happy about it. I was thinking "I might freak out".... It was with a bunch of people. I was sitting there and DP'd or DR'd to hell. Planet DP. A guy there sits down next to me and is like "So did you ever figure out what was up with your eye sight"	I was SOOO light headed.. when he started saying stuff to me I got more and more light headed and floaty. It was out of hand. I managed to muster "uhh.. nnoo.. noo... infact..." and I just got up and walked out!	i've been to a few since and had no problem at all.	But that time for me was not a good time and I had a lot of anxiety going INTO it.

I also did this in another circumstance where I almost had a panic attack at work. I was surrounded by flourescent lights. Mind you I thought about this... If you kind of confront these thigns head on like "i'm the same exact person as I ever was only with this strange vision that causes me anxiet i've always had" then it helps.

Basically your body was being flooded with Adrenaline. I think. And you were really "Flighty" as a result of all the anxiety. Its in your head.	Being that I suffer the same issue the term "its in your head" is taken and thought of completely diffferently though, trust me. The average normal grunty mc-fuck american might see "Its in your head" like saying "here hold this" where I can almost regard "Its in your head" now as being more like "You've lost your hand.... its been cut off. You've lost your hand. I guess you can't hold things now" "your head" is as material and physical as anything else.	Basically. You can't just SNAP out of it.

But I believe you can work on getting back to driving. I did. The short answer is Benzos and medication. Another is just getting used to yoru "new self". My brother (who also suffered) once said something about "My new eyes" . He said I have not gotten "used to my new eyes yet"...

fucked up


----------



## lindsayloo (Jun 23, 2010)

i have to drive an hour a day to and from work, and know what you are going through. mine got so bad for a couple of days i could not drive, my medication has helped me a bit. you are experiencing severe anxiety, and driving is a trigger for you.. it is for alot of us dpers. my advice is to drive more . start small at first, but the more you avoid it the worse it gets. remember to breathe, relax your body, trust me i know its hard to do ,but with some practice you can overcome this. best of luck.


----------



## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

BlueTank said:


> Here is what I think. I'm pretty confused and unconclusive, but heres what I think outlaw.
> 
> Its anxiety. And its also pre-emptive anxiety or whatever. Anticipated. I experienced this. I had to go to a meeting and I wasn't all too happy about it. I was thinking "I might freak out".... It was with a bunch of people. I was sitting there and DP'd or DR'd to hell. Planet DP. A guy there sits down next to me and is like "So did you ever figure out what was up with your eye sight"	I was SOOO light headed.. when he started saying stuff to me I got more and more light headed and floaty. It was out of hand. I managed to muster "uhh.. nnoo.. noo... infact..." and I just got up and walked out!	i've been to a few since and had no problem at all.	But that time for me was not a good time and I had a lot of anxiety going INTO it.
> 
> ...


I love this explanation, and can completely relate to both of you! I don't want to take medication, but do Benzos work well? How often does one take them? I love the idea of "having new eyes".

Did the Benzos help you with driving? I also agree that it is all anxiety, but when I have a DP attack, it is hard to see it as such.


----------



## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

lindsayloo said:


> i have to drive an hour a day to and from work, and know what you are going through. mine got so bad for a couple of days i could not drive, my medication has helped me a bit. you are experiencing severe anxiety, and driving is a trigger for you.. it is for alot of us dpers. my advice is to drive more . start small at first, but the more you avoid it the worse it gets. remember to breathe, relax your body, trust me i know its hard to do ,but with some practice you can overcome this. best of luck.


Ugh, easier said than done, but thank you for this tidbit Lindsayloo! It gives me hope. I hate to drive, and am afraid I will hit someone because of the DP, or get into an accident. The reality of it is that the anxiety is freaking me out more than the DP when driving. I am so glad you are driving! You are so brave.


----------



## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

BlueTank said:


> Here is what I think. I'm pretty confused and unconclusive, but heres what I think outlaw.
> 
> Its anxiety. And its also pre-emptive anxiety or whatever. Anticipated. I experienced this. I had to go to a meeting and I wasn't all too happy about it. I was thinking "I might freak out".... It was with a bunch of people. I was sitting there and DP'd or DR'd to hell. Planet DP. A guy there sits down next to me and is like "So did you ever figure out what was up with your eye sight"	I was SOOO light headed.. when he started saying stuff to me I got more and more light headed and floaty. It was out of hand. I managed to muster "uhh.. nnoo.. noo... infact..." and I just got up and walked out!	i've been to a few since and had no problem at all.	But that time for me was not a good time and I had a lot of anxiety going INTO it.
> 
> ...


Hey man, I agree with you on the fact that it was built up anxiety before getting into the car. I just feel like today.. totally overwhelmed the fuck outta me. I don't know how to overcome this feeling of falling through the floor, or leaving my body. Even as I'm typing this I'm surpressing the fact that I feel like I might fall through the couch.

I know I should really just suck it up and try taking medicine again.. I never really tried meds for too long to begin with.. but I just don't understand how they can take that feeling away? I guess I'm gonna have to take medicine man. I'm so fucking fed up with my life. You guys are all true soldiers GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

I don't understand how anxiety can do that, for once I did have a physical symptom of anxiety, my heart was pounding.. but when I got my heart to finally calm down, I still had the most overwhelming feeling like I was gonna fall or dissappear.. I dont know what to do with that feeling. Like Is it that bad for any of you guys?


----------



## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

outlaw said:


> So I tried driving today.. I was 2 minutes into it and I felt tolerable.. but then the inevitable weird ass feeling kicked in.. I started feeling weightless.. like my ass wasnt even on my seat.. and I felt like at any minute I could fall through my seat. I was going up a road and it was on a hill.. I couldn't pull over.. God knows how I got up the hill.. terrifying.. finally got to pull over.. felt like I was gonna fall through the ground? How do you explain this feeling.. is it a feeling or a phobia?
> 
> My mom had to come pick me up, when I got home I thought I wouldn't make it up the steps to my house because I'd disappear before I got to the door. I had to run to the door. I just felt like my soul or whatever I am on the inside is gonna leave my body. It was so weird.. it's like I was going to jump outta my skin.. I had no where to turn.. I didn't know if medicine would work to calm me down.. my heart wasn't racing I just felt really fucked up.. how do you treat that??
> 
> ...


Hey Outlaw,

I seriously want to commend you for getting behind the wheel despite having all these weird and uncomfortable sensations. i can only imagine how terrified you must have become. I have put aside driving since the onset of my DP/DR (appox 7 months) and am so afraid of driving because of how severe my DR has become. Sometimes it's like I become totally blind--everything becomes distorted to an unimaginable degree. I share many of the same fears as mourningdovespirit.


----------



## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

outlaw said:


> Hey man, I agree with you on the fact that it was built up anxiety before getting into the car. I just feel like today.. totally overwhelmed the fuck outta me. I don't know how to overcome this feeling of falling through the floor, or leaving my body. Even as I'm typing this I'm surpressing the fact that I feel like I might fall through the couch.
> 
> I know I should really just suck it up and try taking medicine again.. I never really tried meds for too long to begin with.. but I just don't understand how they can take that feeling away? I guess I'm gonna have to take medicine man. I'm so fucking fed up with my life. You guys are all true soldiers GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
> 
> I don't understand how anxiety can do that, for once I did have a physical symptom of anxiety, my heart was pounding.. but when I got my heart to finally calm down, I still had the most overwhelming feeling like I was gonna fall or dissappear.. I dont know what to do with that feeling. Like Is it that bad for any of you guys?


YES! It is that bad for me! I'm having such a bad time driving these days. I'm agoraphobic on top of things so it makes it worse. But I MADE myself drive to the libary today and I felt like I was going to float right out of the car. It was horrible. I got to the library (by forcing myself to keep driving) and started having panic. There were cars everywhere and I felt like everything was going to cave in on me. I finally parked the car and called my husband on the phone and told him I was freaking out. We just talked while I cried and asked why all these people were going in and out of the library and doing normal things and I had to be sitting there freaking out because I felt like I was going to disappear. It sucked. But I finally forced myself to go in the library and pick up my holds and check them out. My husband stayed on the phone with me the entire time so I could talk to him if I started freaking out. I know the librarian and I could tell she was aware that I was not feeling my best and my eyes were all red and puffy from crying so I was embarassed on top of it all. BUT HELL I got my holds and was able to drive home. It sucked and I wanted to have my husband come pick me up and take me home so I could just crawl in bed and die, but I kept telling myself "this is just anxiety and DP and it won't do the things I'm afraid it will do" and I made it. But it sucked and I totally understand how you feel.


----------



## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

feministcat said:


> YES! It is that bad for me! I'm having such a bad time driving these days. I'm agoraphobic on top of things so it makes it worse. But I MADE myself drive to the libary today and I felt like I was going to float right out of the car. It was horrible. I got to the library (by forcing myself to keep driving) and started having panic. There were cars everywhere and I felt like everything was going to cave in on me. I finally parked the car and called my husband on the phone and told him I was freaking out. We just talked while I cried and asked why all these people were going in and out of the library and doing normal things and I had to be sitting there freaking out because I felt like I was going to disappear. It sucked. But I finally forced myself to go in the library and pick up my holds and check them out. My husband stayed on the phone with me the entire time so I could talk to him if I started freaking out. I know the librarian and I could tell she was aware that I was not feeling my best and my eyes were all red and puffy from crying so I was embarassed on top of it all. BUT HELL I got my holds and was able to drive home. It sucked and I wanted to have my husband come pick me up and take me home so I could just crawl in bed and die, but I kept telling myself "this is just anxiety and DP and it won't do the things I'm afraid it will do" and I made it. But it sucked and I totally understand how you feel.


Oh man! Fem, I feel horrible yet relieved to know that I'm not a lone in this. I am so happy to hear that you got through it though, that gives me hope. I can totally relate to the whole scene you just described. I've driven before for a few mins but always with someone on the passengers side. Driving alone is horrible. It scares me to think I may never drive again. I used to love driving.. blasting music and enjoying the day.

I'm not married.. and don't know if I'll ever be married but that is so beautiful to know that your husband stuck with you the best way he could so you could make it through. My mom is my only comfort through the dp.


----------



## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

mourningdovespirit said:


> I love this explanation, and can completely relate to both of you! I don't want to take medication, but do Benzos work well? How often does one take them? I love the idea of "having new eyes".
> 
> Did the Benzos help you with driving? I also agree that it is all anxiety, but when I have a DP attack, it is hard to see it as such.


You know so many things happened all at once that its hard to say. I was told to keep a journal and I hardly did. I half assed it. Cause I was sooooo distraut and all that. It was hard to methodically keep a journal.

Um.... I had big problems driving at first but did anyways. Then if others could drive I would have them do it for me. I hated goign on new routes. IT did get better, and yeah Benzos probably did help. But I got it pretty far along before hand.

Yes. I was driving ok before Benzos, But mind you i've also had a stint before Kpin of being on seroquel and all that.

Driving really was freaky at first. REALLY freaky.	I'd say they help but I also believe that benzos are not like a real answer.


----------



## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

outlaw said:


> Hey man, I agree with you on the fact that it was built up anxiety before getting into the car. I just feel like today.. totally overwhelmed the fuck outta me. I don't know how to overcome this feeling of falling through the floor, or leaving my body. Even as I'm typing this I'm surpressing the fact that I feel like I might fall through the couch.
> 
> I know I should really just suck it up and try taking medicine again.. I never really tried meds for too long to begin with.. but I just don't understand how they can take that feeling away? I guess I'm gonna have to take medicine man. I'm so fucking fed up with my life. You guys are all true soldiers GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
> 
> I don't understand how anxiety can do that, for once I did have a physical symptom of anxiety, my heart was pounding.. but when I got my heart to finally calm down, I still had the most overwhelming feeling like I was gonna fall or dissappear.. I dont know what to do with that feeling. Like Is it that bad for any of you guys?


Yeah its crazy. During my worst times it was REALLY bad outlaw. It was hell. I did not drive unless I really had to and it was routes. Home to and from Work or Food. That was pretty much it. I would feel overwhelmed just thinking about where my Psychiaqtrist office would reside or the MRI place. I would sigh with releif if the map was simple or I knew the area. If I don't know the area or anything I would get overwhelmed.

This is 180 from what I used to be. I've planed and done trips to other countries. Got drunk with crazy people and been around cops with Israli Uzi's and all that. only like 7 months before DP/DR started for me. This disorder is so REAL dispite its unreal feeling. It inverts people. How can I go from being fucking hardcore mosh pit jumping fun having guy to literally NO real event happening. then DP/DR. To a fuckin recluse. Its almost like personality Amnesia. Like if you trianed to be an artist for 20 years and then it reset and you couldn't color inside the damn lines if you wanted to.

So I feel ya. At its worst I would almost lift up out of my body. Luckily I wasn't toooo bad driving but I will tell you I had a couple of scary times.	I was getting ZERO sleep and I was driving home a couple of times from work and I had to pop a xanax. It seemed like I was going to "black out" right there on the fucking highway. everything was getting grainy.. I felt like i was in some sort of drug movie like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

The medication i currently take is in my signature. You can link to it from there. I am doing better and dont fear so many things as much which honestly gets the snowball rolling in the right direction. Preemptive anxiety is truly bad. I thought about having a lump in my throat, and then later I would have it. Then I convinced myself it was psycho somatic... I don't really have that problem anymore! could be drugs. or mind over body. I don't know.

How long has this been going on Outlaw? Have you been getting used to it at all? People say you can kinda get used to it, and I guess I have in some ways. Kinda like a work out routine. The first few weeks are really hard but then its no problem.	I wish DP/DR was more like that. It STILL bothers me.


----------



## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

BlueTank said:


> Yeah its crazy. During my worst times it was REALLY bad outlaw. It was hell. I did not drive unless I really had to and it was routes. Home to and from Work or Food. That was pretty much it. I would feel overwhelmed just thinking about where my Psychiaqtrist office would reside or the MRI place. I would sigh with releif if the map was simple or I knew the area. If I don't know the area or anything I would get overwhelmed.
> 
> This is 180 from what I used to be. I've planed and done trips to other countries. Got drunk with crazy people and been around cops with Israli Uzi's and all that. only like 7 months before DP/DR started for me. This disorder is so REAL dispite its unreal feeling. It inverts people. How can I go from being fucking hardcore mosh pit jumping fun having guy to literally NO real event happening. then DP/DR. To a fuckin recluse. Its almost like personality Amnesia. Like if you trianed to be an artist for 20 years and then it reset and you couldn't color inside the damn lines if you wanted to.
> 
> ...


 I love your posts. You always make me laugh. Your descriptions are so vivid and I can relate so well. I love the expression you used "personality amnesia" and can relate so well. That is awesome that you've traveled to other countries. Have you been able to do that with DP/DR? I dream of going to Scotland and other places but I don't believe I will ever be able to because of this nonsense. I feel like it would be too much to handle.


----------



## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

outlaw said:


> Oh man! Fem, I feel horrible yet relieved to know that I'm not a lone in this. I am so happy to hear that you got through it though, that gives me hope. I can totally relate to the whole scene you just described. I've driven before for a few mins but always with someone on the passengers side. Driving alone is horrible. It scares me to think I may never drive again. I used to love driving.. blasting music and enjoying the day.
> 
> I'm not married.. and don't know if I'll ever be married but that is so beautiful to know that your husband stuck with you the best way he could so you could make it through. My mom is my only comfort through the dp.


It gives me comfort to know I'm not alone too, and I feel bad that you are dealing with this issue. Driving sucks right now. Sometimes I ride my motorcycle and it is alot better than the car. I think because I have to focus more on what I'm doing. Also something about the helmet makes my head feel more solid.. if that makes sense. I also used to love driving, blasting music, etc. I miss that. I'm very lucky to have such a great husband. I don't think I could deal with all this without him. It is great that your mom is there for you. So many people on here don't have much support and I can't imagine going through this without it. Hang in there and keep sharing! I'm going for a motorcycle ride now.. hopefully I won't float away! LOL.


----------



## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

BlueTank said:


> How long has this been going on Outlaw? Have you been getting used to it at all? People say you can kinda get used to it, and I guess I have in some ways. Kinda like a work out routine. The first few weeks are really hard but then its no problem.	I wish DP/DR was more like that. It STILL bothers me.


I've had dp since this mid march this year. I think it's been a little over 6 months whatever, feels like centuries! I was getting used to the dp, I had ups and downs since the beginning, but sitting in the car was eventually tolerable again, its just the other day when my therapist and doctor recommended I start driving again, that I tried to drive and bam. All my progress gone to waste. Now I keep thinking I'm gonna fall wherever I go. Sitting through pranic healing today was brutal. Meditation was tolerable though. The drive there... oh man can't even describe the anxiety. I felt like I was gonna jump outta my skin. It's the strangest feeling when you're in the car.. and suddenly you feel light, as if you don't even exist at the same time, and what can u do? run?? out on the road? You're pretty much stuck. To be honest, I don't know if I'll be able to drive any time soon. I don't want to be negative.. I try so hard to soldier through but sometimes fuck, I feel like I'm kidding myself if I keep pretending you know?

But "This Too Shall Pass" - we gotta live by that bro. We gotta. Sounds like you've made so much progress! I don't know why the personality amnesia is trying to eat us all alive but we will be normal again one day!! We shall overcome!


----------



## outlaw (May 20, 2010)

BlueTank said:


> The medication i currently take is in my signature. You can link to it from there. I am doing better and dont fear so many things as much which honestly gets the snowball rolling in the right direction. Preemptive anxiety is truly bad. I thought about having a lump in my throat, and then later I would have it. Then I convinced myself it was psycho somatic... I don't really have that problem anymore! could be drugs. or mind over body. I don't know.


Honestly, thanks so much for having that in your signature. I think that's awesome of everyone on the forums who go outta their way to help uplift the community. I appreciate it so much and I know others do too.

I'm thinking of taking Remeron again. I don't know if I should take it because I get great sleep with out meds *knock on wood* but honestly, I didn't get HORRIBLE side effects and I think a low dose was doing good for me, Im not too sure. My doctor prescribed me Cymbalta, I think that's what it's called. I don't know which antidepressants are the best choice. I just know the side effects I had on paxil were terrifying!

I also wanted to start taking knoplin but.. parranoid it's gonna make the dp worse, I know it might not but.. I dont want to feel more spaced out then I am since I don't have physical symptoms of anxiety, it's all in my mind really.









Maybe I have to take risks, and just suffer with side effects, I don't know.. I'm so indecisive, any advice on that?


----------

