# 36 year DP sufferer,,,maybe some help I hope



## luke7 (Nov 21, 2018)

Hi all,

I have debated whether to come here or not. My only reason not to is that "sometimes" these forums can keep you reminded of what we have, not the forums fault, just the way it is.

My story in as short as I can:

I got dp before my 21st bday. I am now 56. I was smoking weed with my brother and this overwhelming feeling that I was dying came over me. I went to go lay down and my mind was just racing and thinking about all the possible life ending scenarios that could be happening to me at that moment. I ended up coming out of it maybe an hr after and thought is was a once over, but it wasn't. About a week later, I was driving a flower delivery van and that same feeling overtook me in the van but worse, I pulled over, was freaking out, drove back to the florist and went home, never to be the same again...my life completely changed from that day. I felt that I was detached from myself, not the same guy anymore and the world was different to me. Like I was watching from another body.

So, what has happened since? I went to ever possible psych in the area and dp was really unknown back then so not much help except they put me on every med including anti psychotics which did nothing or made my dp worse. Pretty scary stuff for a 20 yr old kid to be going through. I went to 4 years of college but felt like I was in a constant dream state. To this day, I don't know how I moved away from home and did college. I started a business that was very successful and sold it 15 years later but still had dp every day. I got married, built a house and had kids, they are now 23 yrs old and do not know about my dp. Neither did my ex nor my fiance now.This all sounds like a very normal life and it is but the pain was still there every single day, I think we just learn to live with it as best we can. I also started gambling as a way to not think about dp but you know where that ended up...in GA and divorced.

Fast forward and here is the good news for the teenagers/ young kids who may have just gotten dp:

As much as you feel like you are going crazy, you will die, you will kill someone you love because you're nuts, etc etc, all these bad thoughts are just that..harmless, insignificant thoughts. We never go crazy, we don't die from dp, nor do we do anything nutty. Think of the worst thing that think you "may do" and you won't...I can guarantee it. Bottom line is sanity wins over hands down because we are not insane. In fact, we live fairly normal lives and are probably the best actors in the world as most loved ones close to us would never know we have dp unless we told them so. My main reason for posting is to let the teenagers/ young kids who are frightened beyond belief right now know that you will not die or go insane from dp. Also, you have a much better shot today beating/ living with dp than I did 36 years ago because there is so much more known about dp today...maybe no "actual pill cure", but more medical info you can tap into, especially if you nip it in the bud.

My saving grace was in 1999 there was some belief that klono and a ssri was helping dp patients so I took both and have been on since. Did it help? Kind of but again, no cure. I am actually almost done with my ssri withdrawal and have gone from 2 mg klono/ day to 1.5 mg...it is very hard to come off klono so take it very very slow. I just don't want to be on meds anymore. I think the klono works on the brain in that it helps stop/ ease the constant obsessive inward thoughts, it takes the edge off. But today, maybe the meds are different that can help dp. I think dp is our brains putting us in "safe mode". It wants to protect us from the pain of the real world but in return, it puts us in an unreal/ detached state as well so not a help at all. I wish I could tell my brain to get me out of safe mode.

One last suggestion, read "Hope and health for your nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes. It really helps with not giving any strength to those awful thoughts we have. I found it to help a lot when I read it 20 years ago. Again, no cure but helpful.

DP is scary. no doubt. I have said I wish I had cancer so at least I know what I'm fighting. DP is a silent illness which lives behind a curtain. Only thing with cancer is it can kill you and dp won't so pick your poison.

Hope this helped, even if it was just a bit, especially the young ones who are freaked out. Just know that you're not going crazy and you will not die from dp. We are probably the most sane people out there.

Peace to all


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## MyBattle (Oct 23, 2018)

Sorry if I sound like an asshole, and I am in no position to judge you but to just come here to ''not scare'' people and help them by saying you have DP for 36 years kind of makes me wonder if you are trolling.

I mean come on, do you think anyone can read past the 36 years and not freak out?

This first post smells like bs to me...


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## anitas (Aug 28, 2018)

Crap I was thinking the same ????specially when a book was being advertising. No offense just me.


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## luke7 (Nov 21, 2018)

Hey guys,
Sorry to disappoint but my story is not bs and my ebook was written in 2002 on a computer I don't even own anymore so neither of your accusations are true 
My main purpose in writing this was to let young kids know that they will be ok 
There is much more info on dp today than in 1982 and I just wanted these kids to know they are not going insane crazy or nuts 
We are probably the most sane people out there 
Appreciate the warm welcome 
L


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## luke7 (Nov 21, 2018)

One last thing 
The book I mentioned by dr Claire weekes is very helpful 
Not a cure but helpful with those obsessive thoughts dp sufferers have 
She passed away years ago but didn't know mentioning a book would start a firestorm in here 
I don't have any books to sell. Just a FYI 
Wish all of you the best


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

can you pleas list medications tried (i'm sure you did, but order, what you are on now etc) plus block text, sorry...

Scan read and all I see is a book


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Its not scare mongering...Its his story...

Ive had DP since I was 18...Im now 46...But I have learned to live with it as a managed condition (with the help of medicine)...And I have lived a pretty normal life despite it...

The truth is everybody is different...

Some people recover completely, Some people learn to live with it long term and others need meds to keep it at bay...

There is no one size fits all when it comes to recovering from DP....


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## Abe89 (Jul 31, 2018)

I've had DP since 2005 (13 years). There are no psychiatrists familiar with DP in my country, I know this because there are no published documents about DP by local practitioners. Also there is much social stigma so I've not gone to see a psychiatrist.

I've coped by the help of acceptance and spirituality so far. I joined this website few months ago because those two were not sufficient anymore and I needed people support.


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## Spadde (Oct 29, 2013)

I appreciate this


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## luke7 (Nov 21, 2018)

I'm assuming the question about meds was for me?

I have taken the following:

paxil

zoloft

prozac

zyprexa- disaster

valium

celexa- some help

klonpoin

last 2 are most recent and best results was from klonopin by far, others did nothing or made my dp worse

hope that helps


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## MyBattle (Oct 23, 2018)

What makes it that it has sticked around so long for you?

And do you have any future plans for treating it?


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

luke7 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I have debated whether to come here or not. My only reason not to is that "sometimes" these forums can keep you reminded of what we have, not the forums fault, just the way it is.
> 
> ...


You describe essentially living a normal life in spite of DP. Even marriage and kids ... and they don't know about your DP? The latter seems unusual. Perhaps protecting kids makes sense but why not tell your partners? This isn't an attack but rather an attempt to understand.

DP is often described on this forum as being disconnected from ones own feeling, or as you mention, 'detached'. But it seems that feelings exist. No doubt you love your kids, etc. It is just that you feel like a robot watching someone else.

I am trying to grasp or differentiate disconnected from one's self verses disconnected from others. The latter is my nemesis. That and peculiar visual processing issues. You feel connected to your family?

It is great that you have and are living life and did not give up. Your 1st sentence has commonly been expressed - not wanting a forum to remind you of what one suffers. There is a certain irony of dissociating from this problem of dissociation. But life is full of irony and one needs to find ways to succeed in living while, hopefully, making progress toward a recovery.

You mention weed as a cause or trigger of your condition. This is also commonly reported here. I have my postulates about that but often worry others when expressing such, so I don't much anymore. As you've seen, there is objection about reporting living many years with it. Anxiety is prevalent here. But you have shown a high level of success and that is simply wonderful. We are similar 'vintage' so, as they say: keep on truckin.


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## PerfectFifth (May 2, 2016)

Abe89 said:


> I've had DP since 2005 (13 years). There are no psychiatrists familiar with DP in my country, I know this because there are no published documents about DP by local practitioners. Also there is much social stigma so I've not gone to see a psychiatrist.
> 
> I've coped by the help of acceptance and spirituality so far. I joined this website few months ago because those two were not sufficient anymore and I needed people support.


There's no guarantee that it's even a psychiatric problem. It could just as well have a neurological basis, at least in some cases.

The important thing to remember is that even though we all identify with the label "depersonalization/derealization" on some level, hence we're here, there is absolutely no guarantee that our sensations are the same. Your DP/DR could be vastly different from mine and could be caused by a different thing. Jumping to the conclusion that these symptoms always stem from psychological distress of some sort-which seems to be a popular supposition here-is not very wise.


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## luke7 (Nov 21, 2018)

I think my fear in telling my current wife is when I was young, I told my girlfriend and within 2 months, she ended the relationship. It is a very hard, obscure thing to understand and being that my wife really can't help me at this point, why rock the boat? As far as my family, it's hard because when I see them it reminds me of when I was ok, but I don't stay away from them. I do think the weed was not the cause/reason for this. I think dp is a sleeping giant that would have come out regardless, weed was just the catalyst at that moment. DP is definitely anxiety based. I remember when I was a kid, I would look in the mirror and have this out of body experience that would last for less than 1 minute, I actually thought it was cool. That was a sign it was coming eventually. I could also make objects appear very small by looking at them, they call it

" Alice in wonderland" syndrome. These all lead to the eventual night that I was overcome in my van with full blown fear/panic . I am not saying there isn't hope, there is, especially today. Keep in mind back in 1982, no one even heard of this so it kind of lead to a dead end. Today, many of you have a huge head start in nipping this early. Dont let the obsessive scary thoughts overcome you,,they are just that,,,harmless thoughts so don't give them any more power than need be. For me klonopin took the edge off, it works on the same part of the brain as epileptic patients. It calms down the obsessive thoughts, not a cure by any means, just helps. Get a dr opinion first.

Peace


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

eddy1886 said:


> Its not scare mongering...Its his story...
> 
> Ive had DP since I was 18...Im now 46...But I have learned to live with it as a managed condition (with the help of medicine)...And I have lived a pretty normal life despite it...
> 
> ...


agreed


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## willbarwa (Aug 26, 2017)

I think dp sufferers before the information age were mayorly fucked. Sorry to sound so blunt. Lack of resources, awareness, etc. Where to even begin? What to ask? And if you did have a question, you had to rely on doing research by walking outside your house, renting a book, asking ppl around -- all time consuming.

I think ppl who have suffered this long just lived in the wrong time and just didn't know where to look. There some that didn't even know they had dp until much later.

But, I say this next thing with much respect and an open-mind: some ppl just don't try hard enough and get caught up in the cycle. Some just don't broaden their views on alternate methods or simply live vicariously through other ppls bad choices and experiences.

Subconsciously they create these limitations slowly but surely, never get rid of anything.

Does this apply to you or anyone else reading this? Perhaps, perhaps not. I just have to say what is on my mind in regards to this subject and ppls experiences.

Maybe my short-lived dp is a result of overcoming it differently or maybe it truly wasn't as bad as others or I was just lucky.

It's all subjective and relative so I guess with that said, I'm countering everything I just wrote but again I could be wrong about that too.

Notice my pattern of thought and writing. It's just a reflection of my mind. Maybe this is how I coped and got rid of dp.


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## willbarwa (Aug 26, 2017)

luke7 said:


> I think my fear in telling my current wife is when I was young, I told my girlfriend and within 2 months, she ended the relationship. It is a very hard, obscure thing to understand and being that my wife really can't help me at this point, why rock the boat? As far as my family, it's hard because when I see them it reminds me of when I was ok, but I don't stay away from them. I do think the weed was not the cause/reason for this. I think dp is a sleeping giant that would have come out regardless, weed was just the catalyst at that moment. DP is definitely anxiety based. I remember when I was a kid, I would look in the mirror and have this out of body experience that would last for less than 1 minute, I actually thought it was cool. That was a sign it was coming eventually. I could also make objects appear very small by looking at them, they call it
> " Alice in wonderland" syndrome. These all lead to the eventual night that I was overcome in my van with full blown fear/panic . I am not saying there isn't hope, there is, especially today. Keep in mind back in 1982, no one even heard of this so it kind of lead to a dead end. Today, many of you have a huge head start in nipping this early. Dont let the obsessive scary thoughts overcome you,,they are just that,,,harmless thoughts so don't give them any more power than need be. For me klonopin took the edge off, it works on the same part of the brain as epileptic patients. It calms down the obsessive thoughts, not a cure by any means, just helps. Get a dr opinion first.
> Peace


Get rid of the anxiety. Get off Klonopin that drug has crazy withdrawal symptoms. Your gonna go through hell at first when you come off it. Your dp might even get worse temporarily. Then start exercising. Do light workouts at first, heavy workouts can sometimes make dp worse (for the moment).

When I was in dp mode, I started doing squats and leg extensions. After the workout I felt a sense of release and ease, it felt great. It gave me a few good hours of relaxation and even if I did think of dp it didn't phase me much.

Next, change that diet. I don't know what you eat. Start cleaning your gut. Detoxify your brain and body. Eat clean, fruits and vegetables. Go easy on the meat. Our stomachs process meat much slower, requiring more energy to burn, thus warming your body.

Don't masturbate. Before anyone think this is pseudoscience, it's not. Traditional Chinese medicine since time immemorial advocates against masturbation and baseless self-pleasure. I'm not saying forever. Try 2 weeks at least, see where that goes.

Natural minerals you can try that help..

Inositol (b8) anxiolytic, relaxant and stimulates brain. In high doses it's been proven to mitigate OCD almost completely.

Magnesium taurate (brand: cardiovascular research)

Similar to inositol. Relaxing.

I got more stuff I can tell you. If you're interested let me know


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## Speedy69 (Apr 15, 2019)

luke7 said:


> I'm assuming the question about meds was for me?
> I have taken the following:
> paxil
> zoloft
> ...


A good bit of people have had relief from lexapro with very little side effects.


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## Layne (Jul 12, 2019)

Speedy69 said:


> A good bit of people have had relief from lexapro with very little side effects.


There are a good number of reports on a tinnitus forum that describes their tinnitus onset being due to Lexapro. Below is just one snippet from one of those reports:

I was prescribed Lexapro 5mg, 2.5mg each day for the first 3 then a final tablet 5mg and the tinnitus started almost immediately. I called my doctor who told me to stop Lexapro immediately. My tinnitus is very severe and debilitating. I'm depressed mainly due to bullying in my workplace and told my doctor about it.

I was prescribed Lexapro and after 4 days of it, have had tinnitus for almost a year with no signs of relief.

Why a drug like this is allowed to be prescribed is beyond my reason. It gets me the most at night and keeps me from sleeping at all about half the time. So during most of my awake time I feel exhausted.

Now I'm more depressed than ever and have seen many doctors with no success.

People without tinnitus tell me that it's a minor thing, but have no idea of what this really is. It has turned my life upside down, I can't go to work anymore, ended up in the hospital psyche ward after a suicide attempt.


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## Maysam (Jun 20, 2019)

Check the Depersonalisation guide by Ammar Takla. it has really helped me recover from Depersonalisation. Here is the link: https://www.depersonalisationguide.com/

I really advise you to download the e-book!

I also suffered from DP for almost 3 years and now recovered for 2 month. Wish you good luck!


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