# I Hate Remembering That Nobody Shares This Experience. Don't You?



## Aire (Dec 22, 2014)

Hey all,

After two and a half years of DPDR, I feel like I've made quite a bit of progress. I escaped the acute phase. I overcame some awful symptoms. I've learned to become aware and mindful, and hammered home some healthy habits. It's been some sort of crazy nightmare in some ways, but in others absolutely essential to my progress in life.

That said, even today when DPDR isn't at the forefront of my thought (which is now more to do with staying active and healthy in general), sometimes it hits me. Not feeling depersonalized or derealized, but realizing that none of the people around me have DPDR. We never talk about it in public, y'know?. So when these occasions pop up, I try to remember what it felt like before DPDR -- how present, focused, and aware I was -- and see that experience through the other person's eyes.

And then, I become aware of my own experience. And it really, definitely sucks a bunch. DPDR sucks ass.

In the end I suppose it's motivating to comprehend and internalize this fully. The feeling that we're all chasing, the feeling of being "back" again, of being present, is all around us, within the experience of those with whom we converse and share. It's just not in us. And that's okay -- we just need to get there. That's all it is.

Just some ruminations. Can any of you relate?

-Aire


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

It certainly is a weird thing when you realize you're the only one going through amongst the people you see on a daily basis. It can be a motivation killer for sure. I dunno, it is what it is i guess. At least you know there are many others who are going through the same


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## Notme (Jan 12, 2017)

Yes, I can relate. I am so jealous of everyone around me that are moving along in a real world.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Yeah, it's a kind of double-loneliness, because it's difficult to get acknowledgement/treatment for the full spectrum of this disorder from medical- and mental heatlh professionals, but seemingly even harder to get the support you need from those around you who have no clue what you're experiencing because it's such an obscure condition. I have always been jealous of others since coming down with this three years ago. Even just their vibrancy, energy, zest for life, whatever you want to call it. I've become quite depressive and solemn because this condition has worn away at me so much. But yeah I would trade this for most physical ailments out there, that's for sure.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

chicane i can really relate to that. it is depressing and crushing. i haven't had schizophrenia, but i believe that it is as debilitating.


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## Aire (Dec 22, 2014)

Chicane said:


> Even just their vibrancy, energy, zest for life, whatever you want to call it.


I totally know what you mean. It really bores into you deep, kind of carving out all of that warmth you had before. It's scary to feel that way.

I guess a good point to remember is that it is actually very close to you, in a physical sense. The people you're friends with and those with whom you are close in any other way all experience that vibrancy you're talking about. But it doesn't have to be a source for jealousy -- if they have it, I can get it back, too. That's how I stay motivated.

I felt like ruminating on the topic because it's really something that sticks out. At first, it's a negative thing, like you said, but I think we can turn it positive. It gives us a reason to form healthy habits, a reason other people don't have. It gives us a goal to bear in mind every minute of the day. It pushes us to overcome our addictive, negative thoughts. I wouldn't have made half of the life choices I have if I didn't get DPDR. And I think in that way, even though it is in the end a burden we bear that no one else does, it is also a bit of a gift.


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