# new and a litte worried



## tommycapnpants (Sep 25, 2007)

hello all,

my name is tommy. this is my first time visiting this site. and i think i need help. if you have the time to listen and some suggestions i would deeply appreciate it. where to begin. . .

i am a junior in college. last year i was accepted into an intensive, and highly competitive chinese language scholarship. had class mon-fri 8 hours a day, focused soley on learning chinese. every other day we had tests. so, the point was to pass with at least an A, if one passed then that person would be sent to beijing to study for a semester. the program was tough, and throughout the entire process i felt like i was drowning and not capable of keeping up. i eventually passed with an a and was sent to china. one day, a month into the semester in china, i was riding in a taxi and out of nowhere i felt like i was suffocating. my heart started pounding, i felt hot/cold. i didnt know what was going on and i wanted to jump out of the taxi. eventually got out, then it hit me even again a few moments later but worse. at this point i think i am dying. i get rushed to the hospital. had a ct scan done, blood work, neurological tests the whole nine yards. nothing was wrong with me.

i call my folks later on. turns out my mother went through a phase in her life where she suffered from panic attacks. at this point i had no idea what a panic attack was. i started doing some research online and saw a family practice doctor. all fingers pointed in the direction of panic attacks. i started to change my habits to prevent this from happening again. being a college student i would party quite a bit, drinking a lot. i noticed that this panic feeling was strongest the day after a night of drinking. but, it would not just last for 10 minutes. i began to feel like something was really wrong with me in my head. i felt like i didnt belong on this earth. like something was truly wrong with me and my surroundings. so, is stopped the drinking. and it seemed to help for awhile.

the semester in china cam to a close, i returned home. everything was fine. but, in the past month i have had several occasions of feeling like i am going insane and disconnected from my life and the world. this feeling doesnt last for a short period, it lasts for 2-3 sometimes 4 days on end. i start to obsess about it. i notice when i am concentrating on class or speaking with friends it can go away. but, there are times when this does not help at all. i have this internal dialog that keeps looping in my mind. saying "something is wrong, i hope i am not going crazy, oh my god i think i am going crazy, someone help me, i cant take this, i dont want to completely go insane."

i have not seen a psychiatrist yet, i want to get a job with the state department after i graduate and i am afraid this would mess up my chances. anyone have similar feelings, thoughts or suggestions?

thanks for lending an ear.


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## DreamLife (Sep 16, 2007)

Hi Tommy. I think you are in the right place. Everything you described sounds like DP. For a lot of people it starts with a panic attack and then you somehow just kind of detach from your body.

I used to worry about going insane all the time, and I still sometimes do. For me, it's really important to try to stay out of my head, to not spend too much time analyzing things because it turns into an obsession.

It's really important to see a psychiatrist or psychologist, although I never saw one until after I was out of my darkest time with DP.

I'm glad you found this site. I hope you find help here.


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## tommycapnpants (Sep 25, 2007)

hi dreamlife,

thanks for the reply. i am sorry everyone here is going through similar or even worse experiences. wish there was no need for this forum, but i am really glad i found it. did your experience come out of the blue too? i am trying to stay active to keep from looping in my head. im pretty busy with school, go to the gym, watch movies, meditate. ...i do whatever to keep myself occupied. just feels like its starting to creep into my thoughts when im busy too. i scheduled an appointment with the school psychiatrist. i have never been to one before so hope it really can help.


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## DreamLife (Sep 16, 2007)

Mine came out of the blue too. I don't even know for sure when I started experiencing DP, which leads me to think maybe I've always had it. It got really bad in 2004, though, but then I started believing in God and that changed everything.

I've only been seeing a psychiatrist regularly for about 6 months, but it's helped me a lot. And no one has to know that you're doing it. No one except my husband and my sister knows that I see one.

And the DP will start to creep into every part of your life if you don't get some kind of help for it, so I think seeing the doc is definitely the right thing.


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