# Today I feel freaked out (warning existential triggers)



## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

Watching myself .. my body.. my consciousness.. waiting for something worse to happen.. scared.
Why am I here? How I am here? Am I here? What is I anyway?
I am air. This is a dream.
The world is an illusion.
I can't grasp what is "I". 
But I can't stop trying to grasp it either.
Sometimes it feels like it's just on the tip of my tongue... like I almost get it.
Then I'm back again. 
Questioning. Obsessing. Trying to pretend everything is ok.
Why don't other people think about this and why aren't they freaked out?
Isn't it so strange that we are here in these bodies walking on the earth doing all these weird things with all these weird laws and rules while all the other species on the planet just live to eat, mate, and play?
Oh ya, that is just the DP talking... or is it? Maybe I'm just more awake than other people.. maybe I'm having some kind of awakening or enlightenment... but why? What can that possibly do for me? To feel like I am not a part of this world.. 
from another dimension.. another place.. another reality.. when really I'm just a human being experiencing DP.


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## jamesr (Apr 10, 2010)

feministcat said:


> Watching myself .. my body.. my consciousness.. waiting for something worse to happen.. scared.
> Why am I here? How I am here? Am I here? What is I anyway?
> I am air. This is a dream.
> The world is an illusion.
> ...


I know what you mean, I look at myself in the mirror and say , I'm not in my body, I'm not in the room , where the hell am I. What is reality. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting to die or go crazy.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

feministcat said:


> Watching myself .. my body.. my consciousness.. waiting for something worse to happen.. scared.
> Why am I here? How I am here? Am I here? What is I anyway?
> I am air. This is a dream.
> The world is an illusion.
> ...


That didn't really trigger my existential angst.. actually, nothing really does, it just shows up when it feels like it, out of nothing, I haven't had a crisis in ages but I used to get those thoughts 24/7 ..

Edit: I still get the thoughts, but I get depressed and say something like "so what.. what does it matter anyways" , so yeah depression killed the questions (for now)


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## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

PositiveThinking! said:


> That didn't really trigger my existential angst.. actually, nothing really does, it just shows up when it feels like it, out of nothing, I haven't had a crisis in ages but I used to get those thoughts 24/7 ..
> 
> Edit: I still get the thoughts, but I get depressed and say something like "so what.. what does it matter anyways" , so yeah depression killed the questions (for now)


would you rather have the depression or the existential thoughts? i think i'd rather have the depression.. but then right now i think anything would be better than these thoughts..


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

Depression is the worst feeling in the world.
Other people _do_ think about this. Then they post it on Facebook and everyone likes how philosophical they are.







They just don't freak out because maybe they don't understand and feel it to the extent that we do? Maybe? Idk.

I don't suffer from these anymore because I know how I am here; I watched enough of the Discovery Channel. The world is an illusion... shared by 6 billion people.

When you recover it will all be right again.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

feministcat said:


> would you rather have the depression or the existential thoughts? i think i'd rather have the depression.. but then right now i think anything would be better than these thoughts..


I rather have depression.. the thoughts are so scary, they consume me, depression gets me really bad and makes me think about scary stuff but existential angst is just too hard to handle, it's an extreme pain, I'm sorry I don't really have any advice for you, it just comes and goes in my case


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## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

Bear said:


> Depression is the worst feeling in the world.
> Other people _do_ think about this. Then they post it on Facebook and everyone likes how philosophical they are.
> 
> 
> ...


thanks Bear. that makes sense.


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## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

PositiveThinking! said:


> I rather have depression.. the thoughts are so scary, they consume me, depression gets me really bad and makes me think about scary stuff but existential angst is just too hard to handle, it's an extreme pain, I'm sorry I don't really have any advice for you, it just comes and goes in my case


thanks.. i feel the same way.. and it has come and gone before so I'm hoping it will go again..


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

feministcat said:


> thanks.. i feel the same way.. and it has come and gone before so I'm hoping it will go again..


Yeah it will, being distracted helps a lot, doesn't make it go away completely though


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