# I may have finally found out whats wrong with me



## chahud (Aug 22, 2018)

Hello everyone. My name is Charles, I am 19 years old. I'm currently a student studying Chemistry at uni.

I found this site by googling in desperation "Why does it feel so weird to be human" and stumbled across a post about this. This isn't my first time hearing the term depersonalization or derealization. A few years ago while I was a sophomore in highschool, I remembered having an extremely odd feeling out of nowhere. I was sitting on the ground during lunch and suddenly everything felt so odd. So intensely that I didn't even notice myself running into people or that I was walking weird. It was just a massive brain fog almost like being high on MJ. It stayed like that for a couple hours probably then it went away or I stopped noticing. I feel like that feeling has always been there in the back of my mind, but recently in the past 2 years as i left high school and came to uni, I started developing really bad anxiety. I've always suffered from anxiety a little bit, but it really picked up majorly past couple years. Most recently, I've been noticing a similar off feeling like that one I experienced in the hall in highschool coming on really strong. I actually forgot about that occurrence until I stumbled across this site. It really kind of feels like I'm high on MJ, but I know I'm not i haven't smoked in about a week. Everything just seems so surreal, and it makes me extremely uneasy. As my anxiety gets worse, so does this feeling. And now I'm developing depression like I never have before. I've never hated myself more in my life seeing all of these regular, normal attractive and likeable people in uni. I've always been absolutely terrified about death. I think and worry about it all the time. But the other day I considered just killing myself for a split second and it really worried me. My brain is foggy, it's tough to focus on reading or on class recently. It's giving me extreme social anxiety and I don't feel like I fit in with any and being done finally one else anymore. I don't even feel like I know how to have a normal conversation with someone. I feel like I just come off as really weird. I don't even feel human any more, I feel like a zoo exhibit (one time I got high and started getting paranoid, and literally thought this was the case) and extremely distant from every other person on earth. Time seems to be moving so slow, yet passes at a normal rate. It makes me feel so horrible I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going to be stuck like this forever, and it'll only get worse, and make my anxiety and depression worse. I have an appointment with a university councilor on thursday but I may need to see an actual psychologist at this point. I tried explaining how I feel to the best of my ability but its really hard to communicate how I feel. It's hard for me to communicate at all let alone this feeling. I don't know what to do I really feel horrible. Does this sound like dp/dr? If it does, what are options to help me feel better? Along with therapy can medication be taken? If it doesn't sound like dp/dr, what else could it be? Could this just be normal and my anxiety is just getting me worked up? How can I make myself feel even a little bit better right now I feel like I'm going to have a mental breakdown right now and every day for the rest of my existence.


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I had spells for 38 years. My consciousness was altered, but I never lost consciousness. I suffered anxiety and depression, intrusive thoughts etc. Then one day I was reading some British Neurological Texts and Medical Journals and learned I was epileptic. I had the diagnostics done to prove it. Seems you don't have to lose consciousness when you have a focal temporal lobe seizure. I had 38 years worth without diagnosis or treatment. I lived in fear every day for 38 years. Get an EEG.


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## chahud (Aug 22, 2018)

forestx5 said:


> I had spells for 38 years. My consciousness was altered, but I never lost consciousness. I suffered anxiety and depression, intrusive thoughts etc. Then one day I was reading some British Neurological Texts and Medical Journals and learned I was epileptic. I had the diagnostics done to prove it. Seems you don't have to lose consciousness when you have a focal temporal lobe seizure. I had 38 years worth without diagnosis or treatment. I lived in fear every day for 38 years. Get an EEG.


I've never considered anything like this before. Reading about it does sound kind of similar, but I'm not sure. I'll have to see a doctor after I talk with a counselor. I suppose its possible. Thanks for the info on that, I appreciate it.


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