# advice on love, please, someone



## JAG (Aug 31, 2004)

Any suggestions on how a soon-divorced guy who has had DP/DR most of his life (me, in other words), can start a lasting relationship? I think it must be difficult to get a relationship going when you have to tell a potential girlfriend you have felt like you were not part of your body for most of your life.

Up until just a year and a half ago I didn't even know that there was a name for it, so I ended up telling them in the middle of the relationship.

Please help with some advice. Thanks!!!!


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

you dont need to tell anyone anything until you feel close/trust them enough. also people who havnt experienced dp dont really get the totality/horror of it. so its a bit like saying you suffer from depression. dont worry about it too much


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## dreamcatcher (Sep 23, 2004)

DONT TELL ANYONE YOUR DEPRESSED!!! THEY WILL RUN AWAY,DEPRESSION IS HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS,And i agree with pdr dont talk about it until u trust someone, alot of people dont believe its an actual illness


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## JAG (Aug 31, 2004)

Thanks guys. Sometimes I think I need someone who will really understand DP/DR so they won't think I'm crazy or just making it up. I even think that I'd be much better off with a nice person who has it now or has recovered from it, just because then I KNOW they will understand.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

It definitely helps to find someone who is sensitive and sympathetic when it comes to psychological issues, because DP/DR is a part of your life and they will need to understand that. Hell even finding someone as crazy as I am helped me 

Basically look at it as part of your standards system. Say you prefer to find twentysomething women with no kids who don't smoke. Those are some of your standards. Tack on psychological understanding as another standard you're looking for in a person. You'll catch on if they are aware of psychological issues, soon enough.

If you find someone who is sensitive and intelligent, chances are they will understand you and want to be with you despite your illness, and won't view as a lesser person.


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## Guest (Oct 14, 2004)

I cannot believe that someone runs away just because you admit you suffer from something.

Unless it is kind of greatly restricting the relationship (like presenting it as a turn off like " I have this and that so I can't do this and that and 100 other things) I don't think anyone who likes you won't be sympathetic.
I mean you are you, and having dp does not make another person of you.


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## JAG (Aug 31, 2004)

Well my ex was not sympathetic about it at all, and she even would get annoyed when I even mentioned it. And what's strange is I only talked to her about it three times. The first time she seemed quite interested, like it was some sort of cool phenomenon, and fairly sympathetic (that conversation lasted about an hour). After that she would just tell me that "she doesn't want to hear about it", and roll her eyes. She also would laugh about it. Funny thing is I wouldn't mind if she was laughing about it *IF* she suffered from it. But, honestly I don't understand her behavior.

On the other hand, I did tell my previous girlfriend about it and she was very understanding, even though I hadn't yet been diagnosed and I thought I was nuts. So, I don't think all girls are like that. Guess you have to find an open minded person or someone who has or has had DP/DR.

thanks again


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## Guest (Oct 14, 2004)

I realized and think that people that withdraw from someone who has some suffering fear the illness themselves. They are like "I don't want to get sucked into the vortex cause I am afraid", and therefore they decide to step back.
I cannot think of another reason why someone who is close would withdraw, well, except for an excuse to leave, but that is far fetched.

Well, if someone fears your problem because of a personal weakness or insecurity, one has to ask how long the relationship or friendship would have lasted in the first place.

Oh, by the way, what does 'JAG' mean? (drpepper was plausible to me because I like the softdrink, next to coke of course)


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## JAG (Aug 31, 2004)

I,

Well, actually that is not the reason for our divorce. Didn't mean to make it sound that way. To me the issue about my DP/DR is just another example of her lack of empathy. I have to admit she and I would not have even tried at all if we hadn't had a child together. Basically she wants everything her way and wants to be in complete control. If not, then she won't put up with anything. It's just the way she is. She won't compromise. She doesn't really believe in it. Mostly she just wants a "perfect match", which I think means she just wants someone to do everything she says. But I know that if you do do everything she wants, she becomes either bored and apathetic or ever more controlling. I could go on and on, but I'll spare you the boring story. 

Thanks for taking interest.

Oh, and JAG are just my initials. I liked DrPepper too, but I felt like a soft drink.


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## Guest (Oct 15, 2004)

I know what you mean. Controlling individuals are to be ignored.
Maybe there are a lot of things one can do to improve a relationship, but if one has the misfortune of having a too controlling partner, the game is lost, that is what I think.


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