# REALITY? Really?



## thegadfly (Feb 25, 2010)

I guess all this talk about regaining reality is making me dizzy. I mean, do we even know what that actually is? Do we even know the nature of reality? No, we are still trying to figure that stuff out... [using science and what not] ... So when I feel like nothing's real and I get an anxiety attack, couldn't it just be that I am aware of the actual truth and fate of the universe and my life? Is this something I should run and hide from? I know it doesn't make me feel good and sometimes I can't even leave my house to go to the store... but I want truth not fake peace.


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## BananaMan (Jul 23, 2009)

I hope that this is all a dream that I will just wake up from one day.


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## thegadfly (Feb 25, 2010)

BananaMan said:


> I hope that this is all a dream that I will just wake up from one day.


why do you hope it is all a dream? Isn't the wonders of life so amazing? It is disturbing in one way but beautiful in another that we are even alive. What I don't understand is that everyone here with symptoms of depersonalization don't talk about this. They talk about how weird and shitty they feel but maybe theres a deeper meaning behind all of this. Maybe the dream is trying to find reality, the dream is thinking all of this is real... and waking up means that you realize there is no reality. I think a lot of us would be more at peace if we accepted that fact.


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## Guest (Feb 25, 2010)

In my experience of partial recovery, it is not so much that you gain reality again, it is that you lose DP. Because DP seems to be a hyper overload of focus or awareness and recovering seems to be 'turning it down' (the focus). It's like a process of UNBECOMING depersonalized, rather than BECOMING real again. Hope this helps.


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## Tommygunz (Sep 7, 2009)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> In my experience of partial recovery, it is not so much that you gain reality again, it is that you lose DP. Because DP seems to be a hyper overload of focus or awareness and recovering seems to be 'turning it down' (the focus). It's like a process of UNBECOMING depersonalized, rather than BECOMING real again. Hope this helps.


very well put.


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## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> In my experience of partial recovery, it is not so much that you gain reality again, it is that you lose DP. Because DP seems to be a hyper overload of focus or awareness and recovering seems to be 'turning it down' (the focus). It's like a process of UNBECOMING depersonalized, rather than BECOMING real again. Hope this helps.


Smooth. I would never have thought to say it that way but completely agree.


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## thegadfly (Feb 25, 2010)

pancake said:


> Smooth. I would never have thought to say it that way but completely agree.


i like the way you put it. makes sense. but i am not sure i want to become unaware. for some of us who'se symptoms were brought on by drugs, i feel like thats why we did the drugs, to open our minds.. and now our minds are open and we want it to go away... its strange. i want to go back to being able to function well in society but i dont want to stop feeling crazy at the same time.


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## Ivan Hawk (Jan 22, 2010)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> _Because DP seems to be a hyper overload of focus or awareness and recovering seems to be 'turning it down' (the focus)._


Definately. What's also interesting is long-term anxiety suffers also have _an overload of focus_ (automated preoccupation) _of self_ to the point of mental distress (exhausting racing thoughts) as well as physical distress (nervous system interference) in the body.

One thing is for sure - all the heavy anxiety suffers also agree that is feels _unnatural_.

Heh, but what really bothers me is how many "loud and obnoxious personalities" (or excessively confident and possibly sadistic personalities lol) mercilessly criticize anxiety and dp like you can just flip a switch and they will go away







. I mean even some family members say this emotionally damaging advice. There's something about this fascination with these switches when people don't want to talk about a subject. Generally, in the few cases that the mind has actually snapped for some people - it was never really a good thing!







_Whens the last time someone snapped and didn't become extremely hysterical_







. Confusing insanity with good advice certainly makes things worse for those honestly seeking good advice. Finding more genuine and reasonable advice _will_ provide happier life with greater clarity - no doubt.







like sunglasses to the blinding sun light of confusion.

The method of reducing anxiety/dp involves a gradual progressive process of several changes and new experiences - to reconfigure the mind. It is unique to each individual.


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## Daniel K (Mar 5, 2010)

thegadfly said:


> why do you hope it is all a dream? Isn't the wonders of life so amazing? It is disturbing in one way but beautiful in another that we are even alive. What I don't understand is that everyone here with symptoms of depersonalization don't talk about this. They talk about how weird and shitty they feel but maybe theres a deeper meaning behind all of this. Maybe the dream is trying to find reality, the dream is thinking all of this is real... and waking up means that you realize there is no reality. I think a lot of us would be more at peace if we accepted that fact.


You obviously don't have DP. Life can't feel amazing when you or the world around you doesn't feel alive. Nothing feels real.


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## codeblue213 (Feb 15, 2010)

I know what reality is. When my DP is not bothering me I just feel "right" about everything. Everything just clicks back into place, I feel it!

Not right now though, my DP is REAL bad lately!


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## Ivan Hawk (Jan 22, 2010)

codeblue213 said:


> I know what reality is. When my DP is not bothering me I just feel "right" about everything. Everything just clicks back into place, I feel it!
> 
> Not right now though, my DP is REAL bad lately!


you said it man! and DP works just like that.
For me, whether I'm in or out of the house, whether I'm doing anything - Sometimes I just suddenly feel DP hit me - BAM! - like a cold wind from nowhere and everything just feels blurry from there on until it fades off. Then I also have moments where things just feel very real and reasonable again. It's very mysterious and it certainly has no preferences of time or mood or place in my case. The general anxiety i have works just the same way - at random and for no real reason these days. But at-least with anxiety, it feels different in different places and goes away from certain activities. The DP is a lot more stubborn.


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## isthisreallife (Mar 20, 2010)

Ivan Hawk, yeah what you said about people trying to tell you to snap out of it HAHA. My mom; I told her right away "look theres a name to what I could never describe its depersonalization!" and when I explained it to her she admitted she never felt that way before ever, except maybe when she was dreaming. But based on that she was all "the expert" like you should be able to turn it on and off. And she would go on to describe how when doing presentations she could kind of "depersonalize" and not care what people thought, HA not caring what people think is not depersonalization... this she says after she admits she never experienced it and she tries to say she knows you can control it. So messed up. There is no control over the feeling, its like saying here let me stab you in the eye, and try to stop yourself from feeling pain!

I've fallen for her "snap out of it" when it came to anxiety or depression, but this is one thing I KNOW I have zero control over! AH people!

Anyway for me feeling "real" is feeling.... connected, and focused, being a part of the environment again, I would say its like "I've landed back on earth" although I'm horrible for describing any feelings even what its like to feel real... it just does.


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## kukutininkas (Apr 9, 2010)

thegadfly said:


> I guess all this talk about regaining reality is making me dizzy. I mean, do we even know what that actually is? Do we even know the nature of reality? No, we are still trying to figure that stuff out... [using science and what not] ... So when I feel like nothing's real and I get an anxiety attack, couldn't it just be that I am aware of the actual truth and fate of the universe and my life? Is this something I should run and hide from? I know it doesn't make me feel good and sometimes I can't even leave my house to go to the store... but I want truth not fake peace.


Totally agree. I think dp for some are kinda different. But for some people like me lol i think we can't just let ourselves accept the life as it is, cause we don't like the way it is. Or there's something that seem to be dangerous for us. But it has to be worked out to get over it. In the other hand it was triggered by brain poisoning for egzample like smoking pot and being used antidepresants like i used to. And if i get the point of this post rightfully imo thinking about how reality feels like just worsens the situation or just leaves you exploring your DP more widely lol.


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## kukutininkas (Apr 9, 2010)

thegadfly said:


> i like the way you put it. makes sense. but i am not sure i want to become unaware. for some of us who'se symptoms were brought on by drugs, i feel like thats why we did the drugs, to open our minds.. and now our minds are open and we want it to go away... its strange. i want to go back to being able to function well in society but i dont want to stop feeling crazy at the same time.


Same shit, dude, same shit... it was brought on by drugs for me too. And i agree on what you have said. Sometimes i can imagine myself i can figure out the way how to relieve my state, but at the same time something inside doesn't want to let it go away... It's like two parts of you that doesn't match together and for the solution of the problem you will have to relinquish one. But you want to keep them both. Gettin over one the parts (awareness) you feel you loosing something, leaving your state as it is you seem yourself like trying to avoid something and it's like there's nothing to match there. But I think problem is in the depths of your personality and it may need to get deep in to yourself more thant in to DP


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

One of the first things I said to a friend was "I'm having a hard time recognizing people(friends)".

you want DP and Anxiety, you can have mine.


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## hoot (Jun 17, 2010)

I think DP/DR can be an opportunity if you don't fight it, nor acknowledge it. Not many people have existential thoughts, they just aimlessly float through life never examining it, never understanding it. Not many people have change in perception, it's very hard for them to ever change how they view the world.

In fact even depression has an evolutionary function ...
http://www.newsweek.com/2009/11/01/the-upside-of-feeling-down.html

But when you identify with DP/DR, when you give it power, that's when it becomes bad. That's why I find it interesting how people refer to DP/DR as "my DP/DR". As if you guys think DP/DR is a part of you, like you take ownership of it.


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## FoXS (Nov 4, 2009)

BlueTank said:


> One of the first things I said to a friend was "I'm having a hard time recognizing people(friends)".


*same with me. i have different ways to describe my feelings to my parents and friends: *

- i am being blurry and i have headaches
(because this is something which everyone knows, everybody feels from time to tame, but which is hard to see and recognize from the outside, yet its so hard that everyone immediately has got compassion when i tell it, and the best, everyone tries to leave me alone or even help me when i cant leave my room because of being so spaced out)

- i am feeling very tired, my body is limp and feel like i am not awake yet
(because everyone knows what it feels to be a little confused when just having waken up)

- i am being nervous and new impulses / stimuli make me overreact 
(because its common to be stressed out when having a stressful job like mine and its also normal when you get slightly aggressive after consuming lots of media)

- i am weary and i must sleep 
(because when one is tired, its understandable if one feels not very well and if one is mentally absent or unattentive or such. on top of it, if i say that i am going to bed, everybody leaves me alone and tries to be nice)

- i am having fear without logical reasons 
(because most of the girls get confused for example before they get their period, heheh.)

*what i DONT tell my friends / parents: *
- i am doubting that i am alive / awaken / really here / that what i see is real 
- i am experiencing a shift in perception (distorted time sense, sensitive for loudness / hecticness, 
- i am feeling my body different (not in my skin, numb / prickling arms and legs, heavy and uncontrolled, it feels bigger than before, the widths are unknown, my face in the mirror is strange, my eyes cant focus so well anymore, vision is flat and sometimes distored, cant estimate spaces between objects) 
- new emotions / views / attitudes towards the world, politics and music, new "charakter" 
- my brain is not processing properly, need more time to understand sentences, dont notice when somebody speaks to me, only one-way attention (not able of "multi-tasking") - light seems too bright, heat seems too hot, cold is too cold, movements are too fast, colors are too strong, tastes are too extreme)


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

FoXS said:


> *same with me. i have different ways to describe my feelings to my parents and friends: *
> 
> - i am being blurry and i have headaches
> (because this is something which everyone knows, everybody feels from time to tame, but which is hard to see and recognize from the outside, yet its so hard that everyone immediately has got compassion when i tell it, and the best, everyone tries to leave me alone or even help me when i cant leave my room because of being so spaced out)
> ...


Yeah this damn thing forces you into a weird game that by its own nature is hard to manage. When I said that quote to my friend it was about 4 days into DP/DR and I didn't know what was going on, but I did know that he himself had episodes where he had trouble recognizing people. So I was sitting with him and looking around and recognizing people, but at the same time it was just different. Things were strange and it seemed like I had trouble making out peoples eyes properly.

So basically if that's the beginning of something enlightening or positive, then mine is up for grabs. Anybody can take it free of charge! I would like to have my brain back. No more after images... that would be nice.


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## DPNOrway (Apr 29, 2010)

the more i read in this forum the more i realize that i have this disorder and that it came from marijuana... and now i hate myself for doing it.
i can think of ONE thing that is positive with dpd, and that is that when/if i recover i will be the happiest person in the world for the rest of my life, and i would feel like i have actually done something right for a change


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

DPNOrway said:


> the more i read in this forum the more i realize that i have this disorder and that it came from marijuana... and now i hate myself for doing it.
> i can think of ONE thing that is positive with dpd, and that is that when/if i recover i will be the happiest person in the world for the rest of my life, and i would feel like i have actually done something right for a change


No! Don't hate yourself! _I'm_ friggin' glad I smoked. I met some nice people, learned some new things. When dp went away a week later, I said, "Well it's gone, I should be happy but I'm still depressed and anxious. Just as miserable as I always have been." 
I can tell you more things positive about DP. It gets you in shape. It makes you eat better. It makes you try harder and socialize more. It makes you respect others and love yourself more. It makes you come to terms with your past. It motivates!


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Bear said:


> No! Don't hate yourself! _I'm_ friggin' glad I smoked. I met some nice people, learned some new things. When dp went away a week later, I said, "Well it's gone, I should be happy but I'm still depressed and anxious. Just as miserable as I always have been."
> I can tell you more things positive about DP. It gets you in shape. It makes you eat better. It makes you try harder and socialize more. It makes you respect others and love yourself more. It makes you come to terms with your past. It motivates!


Glad it does for you. For me is about the opposite however I didn't have any huge depression or anxiety problems before all this. I was normal happy life was good, I was going to start school, start looking into my dog shows etc then this shit. Destroyed everything!


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## junkinmahcranium (Jun 29, 2010)

Bear said:


> No! Don't hate yourself! _I'm_ friggin' glad I smoked. I met some nice people, learned some new things. When dp went away a week later, I said, "Well it's gone, I should be happy but I'm still depressed and anxious. Just as miserable as I always have been."
> I can tell you more things positive about DP. It gets you in shape. It makes you eat better. It makes you try harder and socialize more. It makes you respect others and love yourself more. It makes you come to terms with your past. It motivates!


I didn't get DP from smoking or a traumatic experience or anything. I was fucking born with it.

I envy you for getting over it in a week. Some of us have had it our whole lives.

Your positivity annoys me. Did you get in shape within that week? That ridiculously short seven days?

My DP doesn't make me feel anything positive or happy. I feel trapped inside someone else who does all the thinking and acting and I am forced to watch. I feel fucking trapped. I feel like dying. I don't feel motivated.

I seriously don't think you have enough experience to be all peppy and "get off your feet and be happy!" about DP. You barely experienced it.


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## junkinmahcranium (Jun 29, 2010)

thegadfly said:


> I guess all this talk about regaining reality is making me dizzy. I mean, do we even know what that actually is? Do we even know the nature of reality? ... I want truth not fake peace.


I feel this way exactly.
I don't know what *this* is. How am I supposed to find it on this forum when I don't even know if I or the forum exist?
Effing mental, this kind of thinking.


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

junkinmahcranium said:


> I didn't get DP from smoking or a traumatic experience or anything. I was fucking born with it.
> 
> I envy you for getting over it in a week. Some of us have had it our whole lives.
> 
> ...


Haha, pardon, I used to be a cheerleader. No I didn't get in shape in 7 days... where'd you get that idea? My mind recovered after the shock... and then started up dp'ing after a second shock. See? too much stress at once= oh snapskis.
My dp doesn't make me positive or happy, but I'm not my DP-- I'm Dominika. Nice to meet you. I make myself happy. I motivate myself to gtfo of my house and getting rid of dp is my excuse to do so. My goal is to be as healthy and social (and tan) as possible. Yaaaay! Go me! Woohoo!!

I've been dp'd 24/7 for almost 9 months now. Ready to give birth to this sonofabitch. Smile! Life is amazing!

Yes, _of course_ I am more depressed and more anxious than I have ever been in my life. I won't let it cripple me. I'm working on these issues and I'm seeing improvement. So maybe I'm doing something right!


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## junkinmahcranium (Jun 29, 2010)

Bear said:


> Haha, pardon, I used to be a cheerleader. No I didn't get in shape in 7 days... where'd you get that idea? My mind recovered after the shock... and then started up dp'ing after a second shock. See? too much stress at once= oh snapskis.
> My dp doesn't make me positive or happy, but I'm not my DP-- I'm Dominika. Nice to meet you. I make myself happy. I motivate myself to gtfo of my house and getting rid of dp is my excuse to do so. My goal is to be as healthy and social (and tan) as possible. Yaaaay! Go me! Woohoo!!
> 
> I've been dp'd 24/7 for almost 9 months now. Ready to give birth to this sonofabitch. Smile! Life is amazing!
> ...


I apologize, I was super bitchy in that comment.

I got the seven days from this .. "When dp went away a week later", that's a direct quote.









I do envy you for being able to overcome it and be happy. I don't have that and I'm stuck. Good for you on triumphing.


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

junkinmahcranium said:


> I apologize, I was super bitchy in that comment.
> 
> I got the seven days from this .. "When dp went away a week later", that's a direct quote.
> 
> ...


That's ok, I'm like that 80% of the time. Just... angry. ANGRY AT THE WORLD RAGGAHAGHAH.









What helps for me a great deal is simply having plans. That gives my life meaning. Traveling across the world, however draining it may be, is something to be proud of. Jet lag is a bitch, though. Gives _everyone_ dp.


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## junkinmahcranium (Jun 29, 2010)

Bear said:


> That's ok, I'm like that 80% of the time. Just... angry. ANGRY AT THE WORLD RAGGAHAGHAH.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I literally just got back from a cross-country trip (from Wisconsin to Seattle, Washington) which I thought might help my dp a little bit. It didn't. Even having plans makes it worse because it's someone else making plans. My dp is all about this other fucking person. And I can't get, like, OUT of her. >.>

asdfasdfasdfasfdokhjfd. D:


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

junkinmahcranium said:


> I literally just got back from a cross-country trip (from Wisconsin to Seattle, Washington) which I thought might help my dp a little bit. It didn't. Even having plans makes it worse because it's someone else making plans. My dp is all about this other fucking person. And I can't get, like, OUT of her. >.>
> 
> asdfasdfasdfasfdokhjfd. D:


In a lot of cases, dare I say most or all? It can be blamed on the parents. Now it irks me a bit to see how some reject the notion of some potential past, perhaps repressed abuse? Yeah forcing myself to be happy will make me feel better but dp isn't gonna go away until I tear out the roots.

"Depersonalization disorder, like the dissociative disorders in general, has been regarded as the result of severe abuse in childhood. This can be of a physical, emotional, and/or sexual nature.

Findings in 2002 indicate that emotional abuse in particular is a strong predictor of depersonalization disorder in adult life, as well as of depersonalization as a symptom in other mental disorders. Analysis of one study of 49 patients diagnosed with depersonalization disorder indicated much higher scores than the control subjects for the total amount of emotional abuse endured and for the maximum severity of this type of abuse. The researchers concluded that emotional abuse has been relatively neglected by psychiatrists compared to other forms of childhood trauma."

Source: http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Depersonalization-disorder.html


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## junkinmahcranium (Jun 29, 2010)

Bear said:


> In a lot of cases, dare I say most or all? It can be blamed on the parents. Now it irks me a bit to see how some reject the notion of some potential past, perhaps repressed abuse? Yeah forcing myself to be happy will make me feel better but dp isn't gonna go away until I tear out the roots.
> 
> "Depersonalization disorder, like the dissociative disorders in general, has been regarded as the result of severe abuse in childhood. This can be of a physical, emotional, and/or sexual nature.
> 
> ...


er, are you saying that my dp comes from parent-induced emotional abuse? :s
I'm confused.


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## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

Bear said:


> In a lot of cases, dare I say most or all? It can be blamed on the parents.


Gross misinterpretation of the research you quoted IMO


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## hoot (Jun 17, 2010)

Bear said:


> In a lot of cases, dare I say most or all? It can be blamed on the parents.


I don't think it can be blamed on parents. If they "caused" it, it's because their parents, or somebody else, fucked them up. And those who they were fucked up by, got fucked up by someone else, and so on. It's a vicious fucking cycle, so I think we should stop blaming other people for our problems, and just forgive them, which is a hard thing to do, but I think it's essential. I'm sure my parents contributed to my DR, but they in turn were a bit fucked up so I can't blame them, and I forgive them. Now I just need to deal with this, and if I have my own kids some day, I will try not to fuck them up.

Fuck.


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