# DPD vs. anxiety



## SaraBro (Feb 23, 2011)

Hello!

I'm just curious to hear what you think about something I've been thinking about. My DP has gotten alot better since the start (had it 7 months), and I'm living my life as good as I can. My DP is always there, it's mostly rumination in my head - about existance and the feeling of not being myself. I had anxiety constantly for two months, and panic attacks every day/night. That disappeared and what I have now is this weird feeling and deppression. Latley, I've been having moments where I feel "normal", like I'm at peace with reality and that everything is real, or rather everything FEELS real (since I rationally know everything is). But I've been experiencing much more anxiety latley... I've had chest pains, and feeling kinda anxious and nervous.

What I've been thinking is that, the more anxiety I have, DP feels much less. When I first got DP, I noticed that I felt more alive when I had a panic attack. Do you believe that that happens cause I'm too busy thinking about how my body feels so that the existential rumination subsides?

I've been thinking... or hoping that this is my way out. I know it sounds weird... but I'm thinking that my anxiety is a result of me getting more in contact with myself. DP is less, and I start feeling what my DP wanted me not to feel. I got DP from a panic attack from weed (off course..), the following 5 weeks after I didn't have DP but a really big fear of getting the panic attack back. I experienced alot of anxiety, and eventually just shut off and got in to DP. I'm thinking this may be some sort of way out, like... it's ending the way it started?

I don't know... I guess there is no easy answer to the enigma of DP. But this gives me some sort of hope. What do you think?


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## Totally DP'D (Jun 8, 2011)

I know exactly what you mean. I noticed it this weekend. I'd just finished reading 'Stranger to My Self' by Jeff Abugel (a long term DP suffer) and became hopeful that I might recover some day. I went outside, and it was a nice sunny day and everything seemed more real. This was accompanied by anxiety, accompanied by chest pains (of emotional origin)

This is a bit worrying because you can see a sort of cycle developing. DP/DR lessens, anxiety increases, DP/DR goes back to normal (i.e. Bad)

Maybe some anxiolytics are in order....


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## SaraBro (Feb 23, 2011)

Totally DP said:


> I know exactly what you mean. I noticed it this weekend. I'd just finished reading 'Stranger to My Self' by Jeff Abugel (a long term DP suffer) and became hopeful that I might recover some day. I went outside, and it was a nice sunny day and everything seemed more real. This was accompanied by anxiety, accompanied by chest pains (of emotional origin)
> 
> This is a bit worrying because you can see a sort of cycle developing. DP/DR lessens, anxiety increases, DP/DR goes back to normal (i.e. Bad)
> 
> Maybe some anxiolytics are in order....


Yeah, it's totally a cycle... That's what I've been feeling all day, like I'm slipping in and out of it all the time. On one hand everything feels VERY real, to the point where it scares me. It doesn't feel unreal at all, rather too real. I don't know if my brain/body reacts to the anxiety associated to my reality, or if I'm just screwed up, questioning reality for no reason. I've even been afraid of slipping back into DR, since I've been feeling so MUCH. Normally I don't feel much at all. Just numbness against reality and myself. It's a bad cycle, how do we get out of it? Acceptence? Towards what?


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## D. Welch (Jul 8, 2011)

Hello Sara, I've started D-R from a weed panic attack as well. I did when I was 13 and by 19 I was very happy and involved and real without DR or DP. I only can't remember exactly how I did it. But I assume from what was going in my life, I was very getting in touch with myself. I became very meaningful and felt like I was doing what I wanted to.

When I recovered the first time I was comfortable with smoking again occasionally, well not until 15 years later though. I got it again from very strong weed 4 mo ago. It was like a flash back, and what was bad is that I wasn't very happy with things to begin with. I agree from these experiences that DR and DP must be in healthy mental defense. In my case since the DR came on right after that night it was hard to remember the origin of the fear. After a bit I realized it was the irrational existential fear.

This fear is the basic, fear of loosing control, second guessing what reality is. Pot can make you feel very alien when it's the right stuff, and have time distortion. So I was scared to exist as it was happening. Time stood still and I felt like the responsibly of just being was too much. I wanted to run. Looking back I felt like if I didn't fight that feeling, or have been insecure in letting myself be that way knowing it was temporary, I would of been OK the next day.

Now I am already getting better with a mild cycle in and out of D-R. I did notice that I was anxious way more or experienced it's discomfort when I felt more real.
What I am doing now is, as I am feeling real, I used the time as I'm real to have a rational discussion with myself about what scares me. I start to realize how powerful the mind is and how in control we really are. I try to think of the problem not outside of me hurting me, but as in my mind, and the world is still the same and static. I get worry spells and anxiety still because of unsureness. But at least I am getting sort of a time table. I know the anxiety means I am returning to normal and I think positive about it. Which in turn shortens the anxiety. I may still feel bazaar but I know I am getting better. It's my choice if I was to make myself afraid. Because I don't know everything I can make myself scared of that. But the idea for me is that I didn't expect to feel that fear that night, that's why it has such an effect. This will make you stronger and able to navigate the terrain of your mind knowing it better.

sorry if the writing is bad, I am multitasking right now.


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