# I can't think



## Surfingisfun001

It feels like my brain has been reset and all past memories, experiences, wisdom gained, and all information that I have processed though out my life is gone and has been wiped from the hard drive of my brain. As if I don't know anything at all anymore. I feel like a new born baby in the body of a 23 year old.

I can tolerate the depression, i can cope with the anxiety, I can deal with feeling outside of my body and even deal with feeling emotionally numb. The only thing that I cannot live with is feeling like I cannot think. I can't formulate my own thoughts in my head, process information, digest information, understand concepts; words, etc. When a stressful situation emerges I don't have the cognitive ability to process it internally and defend myself. So in return I end up absorbing what I don't want to because of my inability to process ANYTHING mentally. When people talk to me in real life I just look at them and shake my head up and down to agree because I can't understand at all what they are saying. It feels like I'm standing up getting shot at, unable to react and draw my own gun to fire back.

How can this even happen to a person? I had a good life and have lost everything. Internally and externally everything. I worked hard for 19 years of my life to be a good person and now everything I've ever worked hard for is gone.

What's worse is that this affliction just happened out of the blue. I had never used drugs, never had a panic attack, I wasn't abused as a kid, and wasn't an overly anxious person. I have tried looking at this thing from every angle there is.

Has anyone found anything at all that helps with not being able to think/ reconnecting to ones thought processes? Any idea as to why this has happened? Any one relate?


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## never_giving_up

surfingisfun001 said:


> It feels like my brain has been reset and all past memories, experiences, wisdom gained, and all information that I have processed though out my life is gone and has been wiped from the hard drive of my brain. As if I don't know anything at all anymore. I feel like a new born baby in the body of a 23 year old.
> 
> I can tolerate the depression, i can cope with the anxiety, I can deal with feeling outside of my body and even deal with feeling emotionally numb. The only thing that I cannot live with is feeling like I cannot think. I can't formulate my own thoughts in my head, process information, digest information, understand concepts; words, etc. When a stressful situation emerges I don't have the cognitive ability to process it internally and defend myself. So in return I end up absorbing what I don't want to because of my inability to process ANYTHING mentally. When people talk to me in real life I just look at them and shake my head up and down to agree because I can't understand at all what they are saying. It feels like I'm standing up getting shot at, unable to react and draw my own gun to fire back.
> 
> How can this even happen to a person? I had a good life and have lost everything. Internally and externally everything. I worked hard for 19 years of my life to be a good person and now everything I've ever worked hard for is gone.
> 
> What's worse is that this affliction just happened out of the blue. I had never used drugs, never had a panic attack, I wasn't abused as a kid, and wasn't an overly anxious person. I have tried looking at this thing from every angle there is.
> 
> Has anyone found anything at all that helps with not being able to think/ reconnecting to ones thought processes? Any idea as to why this has happened? Any one relate?


Fear not, it's all still there. You're just in a specific mental state and as such only have access to specific memories etc.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State-dependent_learning


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## rudy

surfingisfun001 said:


> It feels like my brain has been reset and all past memories, experiences, wisdom gained, and all information that I have processed though out my life is gone and has been wiped from the hard drive of my brain. As if I don't know anything at all anymore. I feel like a new born baby in the body of a 23 year old.
> 
> I can tolerate the depression, i can cope with the anxiety, I can deal with feeling outside of my body and even deal with feeling emotionally numb. The only thing that I cannot live with is feeling like I cannot think. I can't formulate my own thoughts in my head, process information, digest information, understand concepts; words, etc. When a stressful situation emerges I don't have the cognitive ability to process it internally and defend myself. So in return I end up absorbing what I don't want to because of my inability to process ANYTHING mentally. When people talk to me in real life I just look at them and shake my head up and down to agree because I can't understand at all what they are saying. It feels like I'm standing up getting shot at, unable to react and draw my own gun to fire back.
> 
> How can this even happen to a person? I had a good life and have lost everything. Internally and externally everything. I worked hard for 19 years of my life to be a good person and now everything I've ever worked hard for is gone.
> 
> What's worse is that this affliction just happened out of the blue. I had never used drugs, never had a panic attack, I wasn't abused as a kid, and wasn't an overly anxious person. I have tried looking at this thing from every angle there is.
> 
> Has anyone found anything at all that helps with not being able to think/ reconnecting to ones thought processes? Any idea as to why this has happened? Any one relate?


I know this feeling to have the impression not to have past , to be a new born , and not to be able to remember your memories clearly , what you are describing is clearly DP DR ,I don't think it is a state of mind , I know too about the suffering of being depressed because of this because you don't know what to do to go back to your normal life and reality .
If it is not because of a child abuse , or neither medications , drugs , or withdrawals , maybe it is about your chemistry of your brain , a lack of some nutrients , like vitamin B , or magnesium , actually I am not a doctor , but sometimes , you know , maybe you don't even realize it , but something bad or someething you didn t like happened in your life , and your brain , as a defense mechanism , made you have a DP , it is not an exact science , there are so many possibilities , I really hope you're doing better because it breaks my heart everytime I hear someone who s living this nightmare , cos it is ...
I would really recommend you to see a psychiatrist , not a family doctor , or first a family doctor and afterwards a psychiatrist , I am pretty sure that with the symptoms you are describing , your diagnosis is gonna be clear for them , now we have to see if it is chronicle or not .

For the moment to help it , even if I don't do it yet on my own , I really recommend that you take walks , to breathe the air , it can be really helpfull , for the anxiety or depression make plans , think about what you would like to do , your projects , and try to accept this state , ( I know it is tough







) , Share with a lot of people , videos on youtube , talk with people, very important to socialize ( other things I should do too )

If you re feeling blue talk with someone , family , friends , people around , don't keep this for yourself.

To see a doctor would be great , like this you would feel better and safer .

I am sure you are going to feel better , I know this can't go in one day , but it can be released .

Take care , and don't hesitate to contact me to talk !


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## Jeremiah

i feel the same way but mine came from weed otherwise i wasnt so anxious at all. this is so strange and i cant believe im the only one i know that this happened to. did you not get enough sleep or something idk. whatever. when i went to the er they said it was a stress reaction but nothing else, never said if it would go away idk. it feels like i died.


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## 35467

I read some time ago a post of your where you had taken Suboxone with a good result. Had you stop taking it? The drug is very interesting because of the naloxone in the drug.


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## Surfingisfun001

Mayer-Gross said:


> I read some time ago a post of your where you had taken Suboxone with a good result. Had you stop taking it? The drug is very interesting because of the naloxone in the drug.


I still take it. It helps but is far from a cure.

I take subutex now. Which is suboxone but without naloxone. I use to take suboxone but prefer subutex. Have you tried naloxone?


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## optimusrhyme

I with ya kenny I cant think, cant follow tv shows or conversations, i have a very hard time reading or writing. It has affected my speech as well, i stutter and talk with very few words because theres no thoughts in my brain to formulate a sentence... its so messed up, im starting to wonder if i have dp or some other sort of thought disorder...


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## rudy

Jeremiah said:


> i feel the same way but mine came from weed otherwise i wasnt so anxious at all. this is so strange and i cant believe im the only one i know that this happened to. did you not get enough sleep or something idk. whatever. when i went to the er they said it was a stress reaction but nothing else, never said if it would go away idk. it feels like i died.


Jeremiah , last time I went to the Emergency and the nurse asked why I came , then I said I got a crisis of depersonalization and you know what she answered me ?

She asked me back what was depersonalization disorder , she didn t even know the existence of that ...

So keep fighting for your health and go to see other doctors to tell them that it is still there and you need a specialist .

Weid or a withdrawal of weid can cause depersonalization derealization disorder

I really hope you re doing better , and don't give up my friend !


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## rudy

Optimusrhyme said:


> I with ya kenny I cant think, cant follow tv shows or conversations, i have a very hard time reading or writing. It has affected my speech as well, i stutter and talk with very few words because theres no thoughts in my brain to formulate a sentence... its so messed up, im starting to wonder if i have dp or some other sort of thought disorder...


Optimus you should really see a specialized doctor , the way you re describing it makes me think of a withdrawal of a medication or drug which would have caused you a depersonalization disorder .
A withdrawal of Benzodiazepines can be pretty bad , actually I m not a doctor , but it makes me think about that .
When you re feeling very bad , that you are in crisis , it is very important if you can do it , to take deep breathes , and see a doctor , I really hope you got friends or family around who know about you and who can be there for you .
To be misunderstood is really bad , the fact you can t even express yourself makes me think that you re in pain and I really hope you re gonna go better .
If it is a withdrawal of alcool or benzo which caused you that , go to see a doctor , it is very important , anyways , if you feel like seeing a doctor , a medical assistance always can be usefull .
I wish you the best to recover quickly .


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## Guest

surfingisfun001 said:


> It feels like my brain has been reset and all past memories, experiences, wisdom gained, and all information that I have processed though out my life is gone and has been wiped from the hard drive of my brain. As if I don't know anything at all anymore. I feel like a new born baby in the body of a 23 year old.
> 
> I can tolerate the depression, i can cope with the anxiety, I can deal with feeling outside of my body and even deal with feeling emotionally numb. The only thing that I cannot live with is feeling like I cannot think. I can't formulate my own thoughts in my head, process information, digest information, understand concepts; words, etc. When a stressful situation emerges I don't have the cognitive ability to process it internally and defend myself. So in return I end up absorbing what I don't want to because of my inability to process ANYTHING mentally. When people talk to me in real life I just look at them and shake my head up and down to agree because I can't understand at all what they are saying. It feels like I'm standing up getting shot at, unable to react and draw my own gun to fire back.
> 
> How can this even happen to a person? I had a good life and have lost everything. Internally and externally everything. I worked hard for 19 years of my life to be a good person and now everything I've ever worked hard for is gone.
> 
> What's worse is that this affliction just happened out of the blue. I had never used drugs, never had a panic attack, I wasn't abused as a kid, and wasn't an overly anxious person. I have tried looking at this thing from every angle there is.
> 
> Has anyone found anything at all that helps with not being able to think/ reconnecting to ones thought processes? Any idea as to why this has happened? Any one relate?


Don't worry Kenny,

We'll figure this shit out. And I believe sooner rather than later. My mind is also blank, but I'm learning how to handle this.


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## 35467

No have havn´t tried naloxone - the half -live of the drug 60.min will dut you in a jo-jo effect. DP then no-DP. But I think it is the way to go. A drug with blocks all opiopate receptors incl kappa is on the way to market within the coming year called nalmefene. In 2009 I wrote to M. Sierra regarding nalmefene because it was more potent on kappa than naltrexone and naloxone.He wrote that they had considered a trail but never came off- he agree that there was a mileage there.If Kappa makes DP then nalmefene in a dose of 20-60.mg will brake it.
http://www.lundbeck.com/investor/pipeline/development_programs/default.asp


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## Surfingisfun001

Mayer-Gross said:


> No have havn´t tried naloxone - the half -live of the drug 60.min will dut you in a jo-jo effect. DP then no-DP. But I think it is the way to go. A drug with blocks all opiopate receptors incl kappa is on the way to market within the coming year called nalmefene. In 2009 I wrote to M. Sierra regarding nalmefene because it was more potent on kappa than naltrexone and naloxone.He wrote that they had considered a trail but never came off- he agree that there was a mileage there.If Kappa makes DP then nalmefene in a dose of 20-60.mg will brake it.
> http://www.lundbeck.com/investor/pipeline/development_programs/default.asp


That is exciting. Should be interesting.


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## queeny

hi know how u feel. its awful and scary.like all memories faded away. i cant think either. i watch tv but dont take in what i am watching. i got also a lot tension head and neck pain. fed up of all this symptoms. doc said anxiety, they dont have ideas about depersonalisation. i can recommend a very good book, feeling unreal from daphne simeon. very good read and the only good book on this subject i think


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## queeny

hi know how u feel. its awful and scary.like all memories faded away. i cant think either. i watch tv but dont take in what i am watching. i got also a lot tension head and neck pain. fed up of all this symptoms. doc said anxiety, they dont have ideas about depersonalisation. i can recommend a very good book, feeling unreal from daphne simeon. very good read and the only good book on this subject i think


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## queeny

hi know how u feel. its awful and scary.like all memories faded away. i cant think either. i watch tv but dont take in what i am watching. i got also a lot tension head and neck pain. fed up of all this symptoms. doc said anxiety, they dont have ideas about depersonalisation. i can recommend a very good book, feeling unreal from daphne simeon. very good read and the only good book on this subject i think


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## 35467

I can see that there is naloxone in subutex - but it should be a competetive antagonist a the kappa receptor -whatever that means. Perhaps the level of naloxone it´t high needed to get a full blocked of kappa?


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## 35467

You are right Subotex is without naloxone. The suboxone with naloxone . Naloxone is very low 0,5mg in the 2.mg and 2.mg in 8.mg. I think it is Buprenorphine it self works as a agonist a the mu receptor and a competetive antagonist at the kappa receptor. Don´t it take some of your symptoms?


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## Surfingisfun001

Mayer-Gross said:


> You are right Subotex is without naloxone. The suboxone with naloxone . Naloxone is very low 0,5mg in the 2.mg and 2.mg in 8.mg. I think it is Buprenorphine it self works as a agonist a the mu receptor and a competetive antagonist at the kappa receptor. Don´t it take some of your symptoms?


The naloxone in suboxone is only released if the pill has been crushed. It's designed this way because if someone were to inject it, they would have to crush the pill. Naloxone is then released which will block the effects of buphenorphine and the person won't get high. So even taking suboxone I am not actually getting effects of naloxone.


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## 35467

I look buphennorphine up on PUBMEd/Medline . It was belived that it had a binding profile were it blocked kappa. The drug profile is more complex than thought. It dos´nt stimulate cortisol it blunts it. It dos´nt block prolactin -it stimulate it. If it blocked kappa like naloxone or nalmefene it would stimulate cortisol and block prolatin. It´s effect on cortisol and prolactin is like an opiopate agonist and NOT an antagonist. The drug will not benefit DP at all.


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## Aridity

Wow just wow,I have the exact same thing,but you CAn actually explain what's going on I can't even think or find words to explain what's going on in my mind,I told my parents that I couldn't think I'm not aware of things that happen around me yet I'm doing them. It's so weird,but you explained it correctly,I hope so that this crap goes away. I only have this for about 2 months or so maybe a bit more.







I dont even know what exactly happened,and WHEN it exactly happened,when was the day that I starting to feel like this. I dont even remember REALLY FUCK THIS!


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## Sleepwalker

[quote name='surfingisfun001' timestamp='1300149321' post='225093']
It feels like my brain has been reset and all past memories, experiences, wisdom gained, and all information that I have processed though out my life is gone and has been wiped from the hard drive of my brain. As if I don't know anything at all anymore. I feel like a new born baby in the body of a 23 year old.

I can tolerate the depression, i can cope with the anxiety, I can deal with feeling outside of my body and even deal with feeling emotionally numb. The only thing that I cannot live with is feeling like I cannot think. I can't formulate my own thoughts in my head, process information, digest information, understand concepts; words, etc. When a stressful situation emerges I don't have the cognitive ability to process it internally and defend myself. 
quote]

Yes, completely agree with you Sf.
This is the most distressing part of it all for me.


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## Walkingzombie

I keep going back to and reading this post because it perfectly describes my DP. By far the most difficult thing to deal with.


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## Guest

...


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## mattv30

I am going through the exact same thing. My mind feels blank most of the day and can't formulate any thoughts whatsoever. Like I have mentioned before, when the onset of DP happened it was like looking inside my own head. I believe that's why I have the blank mind. I have watched a video and read other's accounts of getting through this, it just takes time, unfortunately. I feel like i am on autopilot and someone else is making my decisions for me, like I can't control my actions. Luckily, I don't really have DR that much so that keeps the suffering down. I am going to see a therapist tomorrow and need to make an appt. with a psychiatrist. If I can find a decent anti-depressant that works then maybe I can get through this stage. This is the most distressing symptom of DP, but there's still hope.


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## mattv30

So I went to see a therapist today and told him of all my symptoms. I had a hard time paying attention to him because my mind is so blank. He said that it isn't unusual to be feeling this way. I kept telling him that I have depersonalization and explained how it happened and what has happened since. He kept trying to talk about my emotions and I told him that I didn't have any! That most of the day my mind is blank, I walk around the house and do nothing and the only thing that helps is exercise and alcohol. Periodically, through our talk he was falling asleep. Anyways, I called a famous doctor in atlanta that deals with depersonalization, Dr. Evan Torch, and am waiting for them to call me back to make an appt. All the research I did on him shows that he has successfully treated most of his patients that dealt with DP and he used specific medications that seemed to work. I figured I may as well give it a shot, it's only 2 hours from me and the psychiatrists and therapist's here don't seem to know much of anything I am going through.

They tell me, stop worrying about it. Well, I don't worry about hardly anything other then I can't think clearly. This is by far the worst symptom. The detachment or feeling weird does not bother me much, but this one is the mother of all that sucks with DP! It's like someone reached up in my head and flicked the switch. I constantly forget what I am doing and where I put something even thirty seconds ago. I can recall names and facts, but can't picture things in my mind. Short-term memory is gone completely almost, I have to think deep to figure out what I did yesterday. It is extremely frustrating, but I am not giving up hope.

The weird thing is that I can remember my past and what happened. I can talk about it all day long, but I can't, for the life of me, picture it! I can tell you all about myself, but I can't picture liking or doing any of the things I used to enjoy. I believe that part of my problem is constantly testing my memory and thinking, i've done it for three months and again, somehow during a few of those periods I stopped caring and somehow focused on everything outside of me. The fog was lifting, and now I am back at square one. I have to get back to what I was doing before, because this sucks, but I can't remember how.


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## baking_pineapple

It's funny, the onlly thing I wish is _not being able to think_. All I can do is think, I can't feel, I can't imagine, I can't plan, I can't do anything but think all day long. What i mean by thinking is having words in my head that I can say or write down on paper. But these words are just that. They have no connection with who I am, with my past, with my future, with my emotions, with what's going on outside of me, nothing. Neiher do they have any relation to each other, other than a grammatical one. I've read a lot of books and written a lot of papers; otherwise, they would be tossed together in your classic "word salad", a jumbled mess of non-sensical words with no organizaion or connection.

Words, words, words... representing no body, no self, no thing. I wish I could get rid of them but they have a vice grip over my consciousness. Emotions, the psychic force that gives words a sense of direction and purpose, are probably like "what the fuck?".... "I'm sorry" I say. There's no way they would understand, so I tell them, "you're possessed by a demon". They agree, this makes sense to them. What other force would have the power to annihilate them so completely? "Come back, I need you, I'm nothing without you," I beg them, like an abusive husband, just so I can beat and humiliate them when they do. It's a bit fucked up, but that's what I do. I am consciousness. I stop things before they have a chance to hurt me. I'm tired.


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## mattv30

Trust me, you don't want a blank mind. It is excruciatingly bad. Before Dp I had social anxiety and GAD, I learned to move on despite it, but somehow developed DP with all the worrying. It's like living everyday in autopilot, someone else controlling your actions and thinking about nothing the whole time. I mean, I can go out and do things or whatever, the problem I also have is trying to identify how I am feeling all day, I can't. I feel nothingness and think nothingness. I can't focus on anything outside myself because I don't know how. I can't concentrate on a TV show at all, or connect with anyone around me whatsoever. I would give anything to be able to have my mind back and even have anxious thoughts, but I don't have any.

I don't enjoy anything anymore. I pace around for no reason other then feeling extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. It's hard to sit down for longer then five minutes because I feel so uncomfortable with it all. Maybe I need to go on klonopin or something to take the edge off this horror of an existence.


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## Walkingzombie

mattv30 said:


> Trust me, you don't want a blank mind. It is excruciatingly bad. Before Dp I had social anxiety and GAD, I learned to move on despite it, but somehow developed DP with all the worrying. It's like living everyday in autopilot, someone else controlling your actions and thinking about nothing the whole time. I mean, I can go out and do things or whatever, the problem I also have is trying to identify how I am feeling all day, I can't. I feel nothingness and think nothingness. I can't focus on anything outside myself because I don't know how. I can't concentrate on a TV show at all, or connect with anyone around me whatsoever. I would give anything to be able to have my mind back and even have anxious thoughts, but I don't have any.
> 
> I don't enjoy anything anymore. I pace around for no reason other then feeling extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. It's hard to sit down for longer then five minutes because I feel so uncomfortable with it all. Maybe I need to go on klonopin or something to take the edge off this horror of an existence.


Your situation is very similar to mine. I forget information as soon as I hear it, read it, or watch it. It almost seems as if nothing is really worth doing with this. I'm trying to take a college course right now (only one because I can't handle a full course load) and I have to work at least 10 times harder than my other classmates to try and make the information stick and yet nothing sticks with me anyway. I don't even know how I make through the days. Everything seems the same. I wake up and don't think, walk around the house and don't talk, go to work silent, come home and try to distract myself, and then go to bed. The thing that makes me the most frustrated is that this doesn't happen to most people who have DP. They may have existential thoughts or a thought process unfamiliar to themselves, but not a complete lack of a thought process. I already know that I can't complete college and work a decent paying job. I really don't know what to do with myself for the rest of my life. Just seems like it's a bit too much of a burden to bear some days.


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## mattv30

I understand totally, I am taking three classes online right now and it is extremely difficult to keep up with. I have been taking st. john's wort for the past three months or so and that seems to help a little. I started the vitamin regime today that tommygun suggested worked for him, so who knows? I believe the key is to get to a point where you don't care about the "blankness" anymore. I had success before with that attitude, but have had a hard time reestablishing it. I have two kids and it's hard to connect with them at all anymore it seems. I wanted to ask, has anything worked for you at all? Exercise, socializing, etc.


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## Walkingzombie

I really wish I could say something has worked. Really do, but can't say I can. I have tried exercising, I've tried anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, and I've tried various vitamins, yet nothing has helped with the mental blockage. As you can tell from my username, I feel like an absolute zombie. Like I'm the living dead. The blank mind is horrific compared to the anxiety, out of body sensations, and emotional numbness. I can deal with all of them quite easily, but can't manage to accept or change my blank mind. I've had this symptom for about nine months now with no change. I've been in therapy for six and although my therapist is a total douchebag and I hate him, I know it's not his fault for not being able to help me. I've talked to a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a neurologist, and specialist down at Penn University hospital and none of them have been able to help me yet. I could see a million doctors and the blank mind would still be present. It's not something that a doctor can really help you with. This past summer was the worst of my life. I was silent each and every time I went out. I also have severe social anxiety, but it's not so much the anxiety making me silent, but the fact that I don't have the cognitive ability to think of something to say. It makes following conversations near impossible. It's gotten to the point that I can't even have a 30 second conversation with either one of my parents or any of my friends. I never was the most outgoing kid going up, I always had some form of SA, but I was always outgoing enough. I could make any of my friends laugh with ease. I've lost all of that and it really, absolutely feels like it's not coming back.


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## mezona

Bump!


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## Hedgehog fuzz

yep. bump. this is awful and we need some more solutions to this. people haven't posted in here since 2011. what has happened to them now??


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## Newchie97

If u look at walking zombie and Mattv30's profile and their topics, they both posted recovery stories


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## Hedgehog fuzz

thanks. im too tired now, but am going to go through their profiles tomorrow.


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## leticiaa

Somebody found solution except Walking zombie? Pls, message me if do. i strugar with this too, and i m so desperate, miss my life


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## dead alive

leticiaa said:


> Somebody found solution except Walking zombie? Pls, message me if do. i strugar with this too, and i m so desperate, miss my life


optimusrhyme


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## Kiwi89

optimusrhyme is a user on dpselfhelp?


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