# Scared to Have dp/dr...and Scared Not to Have it!



## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

basically...

i suppose you could just say i am scared....of everything, anything and nothing!

i cannot stand feeling like this...

and yet....

i cannot imagine myself not feeling like this...

and so now...

i am scared to feel normal!

i think i am scared of feeling normal as i might not think about things as much which scared me as i then think that i am missing something or not thinking enough about things....

i suppose i am scared that if i do not think about everything i possibley can then i will lose control...

i think i am thinking too much!

haha!

can i put the word 'think' in this post anymore!

anyways...

any comments and/or suggestions welcome as always 

thank you


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

basically...

i suppose you could just say i am scared....of everything, anything and nothing!

i cannot stand feeling like this...

and yet....

i cannot imagine myself not feeling like this...

and so now...

i am scared to feel normal!

i think i am scared of feeling normal as i might not think about things as much which scared me as i then think that i am missing something or not thinking enough about things....

i suppose i am scared that if i do not think about everything i possibley can then i will lose control...

i think i am thinking too much!

haha!

can i put the word 'think' in this post anymore!

anyways...

any comments and/or suggestions welcome as always 

thank you


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## dreamcatcher (Sep 23, 2004)

everyone tells me there is nothing not to like about been normal, i think the fear comes because you cannot connect to what it was like to be normal and apparantley when it does come all the fear will be gone so you wont be scared anymore. i know what you are going through because i have had them thoughts too and all i was told is give yourself a chance, see if you like it when you get there, if you dont then its up to you to change your life to how you do want it to be.

wishing you all the best


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## dreamcatcher (Sep 23, 2004)

everyone tells me there is nothing not to like about been normal, i think the fear comes because you cannot connect to what it was like to be normal and apparantley when it does come all the fear will be gone so you wont be scared anymore. i know what you are going through because i have had them thoughts too and all i was told is give yourself a chance, see if you like it when you get there, if you dont then its up to you to change your life to how you do want it to be.

wishing you all the best


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## lone wolf (Aug 10, 2004)

Hi shadowness - I just want to say you're not alone. Me too am scared of feeling normal - indeed my greatest fear is to feel myself totally alone without DP/DR. It is purely an irrational fear, as currently I have some very good friends and a wonderful boyfriend. And those two magical fleeting moments, which I felt completely DP-free for a couple of seconds' time during these 15 years inside invisible icy walls, during those DP-free moments I didn't feel any fear at all. So this fear is useless and irrational, though still within me. I guess my fear must have something to do with my teenage experience of losing the last friends at school, as at that time I first started feeling DP/DR. Oh, I'm babbling now - anyway, I just wanted to say you're not alone with your fears and I hope you all the best,

Ninnu


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## lone wolf (Aug 10, 2004)

Hi shadowness - I just want to say you're not alone. Me too am scared of feeling normal - indeed my greatest fear is to feel myself totally alone without DP/DR. It is purely an irrational fear, as currently I have some very good friends and a wonderful boyfriend. And those two magical fleeting moments, which I felt completely DP-free for a couple of seconds' time during these 15 years inside invisible icy walls, during those DP-free moments I didn't feel any fear at all. So this fear is useless and irrational, though still within me. I guess my fear must have something to do with my teenage experience of losing the last friends at school, as at that time I first started feeling DP/DR. Oh, I'm babbling now - anyway, I just wanted to say you're not alone with your fears and I hope you all the best,

Ninnu


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

theres nothing to fear. when you start getting dp free moments you wont be thinking- im myself what do i think feel etc
youll be thinking- thank god i'm not feeling scared/dped.
the normal parts will be gentle and gradual


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

theres nothing to fear. when you start getting dp free moments you wont be thinking- im myself what do i think feel etc
youll be thinking- thank god i'm not feeling scared/dped.
the normal parts will be gentle and gradual


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## Guest (Oct 1, 2004)

shadowness said:


> i suppose i am scared that if i do not think about everything i possibley can then i will lose control...
> 
> i think i am thinking too much!


lol I used to be like that. I thought that if I didn't obsess over everything I wouldn't be as smart...or something like that. I don't know why but I'm not even scared of that anymore..I think when you have dp you find little things like that to scare yourself and once you get bored with them you move on to something else. I find when I think about something too much and try to think of every possible outcome in a situation they never happen. I will think up a whole scene in my head and obsess over it and it RARELY ever happens. sorry I don't know what advice to give you :? but you're not alone and if you stop obsessing over things you won't lose control!!


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## Guest (Oct 1, 2004)

shadowness said:


> i suppose i am scared that if i do not think about everything i possibley can then i will lose control...
> 
> i think i am thinking too much!


lol I used to be like that. I thought that if I didn't obsess over everything I wouldn't be as smart...or something like that. I don't know why but I'm not even scared of that anymore..I think when you have dp you find little things like that to scare yourself and once you get bored with them you move on to something else. I find when I think about something too much and try to think of every possible outcome in a situation they never happen. I will think up a whole scene in my head and obsess over it and it RARELY ever happens. sorry I don't know what advice to give you :? but you're not alone and if you stop obsessing over things you won't lose control!!


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## Guest (Oct 1, 2004)

i imagine NOT FEELING LIKE THIS every single day


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## Guest (Oct 1, 2004)

i imagine NOT FEELING LIKE THIS every single day


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## Phill (Sep 27, 2004)

Even if you think about everything in the entire universe that there is to think about i believe you still won't have total control. (just the nature of the world we live in) I understand because i was like that, I am so happy to say that i WAS like that and am no more. Thinking, thinking, thinking, it makes things more complicated. We, (the dper's) have the capacity to and tendency to think DEEP. But i don't believe we were meant to use our minds to lose our minds if you know what i mean. Think all you want, go deeper, deeper, deeper, to the utmost depths of the ocean, to the furthest star in the universe, rest assured you'll still never have the answers. Most of the time just end up with more confusion than ever! I'm living proof that less thinking equals less confusion and more joy in life. I would love to write more but right now I don't really desire to go any deeper than these shallow waters i've just touched on.


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## Phill (Sep 27, 2004)

Even if you think about everything in the entire universe that there is to think about i believe you still won't have total control. (just the nature of the world we live in) I understand because i was like that, I am so happy to say that i WAS like that and am no more. Thinking, thinking, thinking, it makes things more complicated. We, (the dper's) have the capacity to and tendency to think DEEP. But i don't believe we were meant to use our minds to lose our minds if you know what i mean. Think all you want, go deeper, deeper, deeper, to the utmost depths of the ocean, to the furthest star in the universe, rest assured you'll still never have the answers. Most of the time just end up with more confusion than ever! I'm living proof that less thinking equals less confusion and more joy in life. I would love to write more but right now I don't really desire to go any deeper than these shallow waters i've just touched on.


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

thank you all of you for replying...

i know i just need to stop thinking and start living...

but as we know...

when you feel like it is all not real then it is hard to live...

thank you for all the comments though...

really good read first thing in the morning


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

thank you all of you for replying...

i know i just need to stop thinking and start living...

but as we know...

when you feel like it is all not real then it is hard to live...

thank you for all the comments though...

really good read first thing in the morning


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## *Alex (Sep 27, 2004)

Hey shadowness, just take a big blind leap forward and confront your fears, do it everyday, it'll be difficult at first but keep at it. If you need medication to help like most of us do then do it. If you have bad day, take it easy and start again the next day. You will slowly improve, when you get glimpses of reality you won't be afraid of it, you will try even harder.

Alex


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## *Alex (Sep 27, 2004)

Hey shadowness, just take a big blind leap forward and confront your fears, do it everyday, it'll be difficult at first but keep at it. If you need medication to help like most of us do then do it. If you have bad day, take it easy and start again the next day. You will slowly improve, when you get glimpses of reality you won't be afraid of it, you will try even harder.

Alex


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

*Alex said:


> Hey shadowness, just take a big blind leap forward and confront your fears, do it everyday, it'll be difficult at first but keep at it.


thank you for your reply Alex...

but this statement i have to comment on....

the point is i (we) DO confront the fears and do it EVERYDAY...

that i think is what i cannot stand...

it is not like having a fear of heights as you are not always in high places....

with dp/dr...the moment you wake up...you are confronted with your fear...

and have to cope with it all day...

just to be confronted with it the next day...

there is no getting away from it...

this is what i find most difficult as i have dp/dr ALL day...not just when most anxious or in a certain situation....


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

*Alex said:


> Hey shadowness, just take a big blind leap forward and confront your fears, do it everyday, it'll be difficult at first but keep at it.


thank you for your reply Alex...

but this statement i have to comment on....

the point is i (we) DO confront the fears and do it EVERYDAY...

that i think is what i cannot stand...

it is not like having a fear of heights as you are not always in high places....

with dp/dr...the moment you wake up...you are confronted with your fear...

and have to cope with it all day...

just to be confronted with it the next day...

there is no getting away from it...

this is what i find most difficult as i have dp/dr ALL day...not just when most anxious or in a certain situation....


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## *Alex (Sep 27, 2004)

Hey shadowness, I didnt mean for my post to come across in that way, we all are going through or have gone through the same thing. I guess what I meant to say is try and stop over analysing everything and then obcessing over things, as you know this creates fear. What I meant was don't think, just live and you will slowly improve.

Again, I didnt mean for my post to sound like I was trivialising your suffering. I'm sorry if it did.

Alex


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## *Alex (Sep 27, 2004)

Hey shadowness, I didnt mean for my post to come across in that way, we all are going through or have gone through the same thing. I guess what I meant to say is try and stop over analysing everything and then obcessing over things, as you know this creates fear. What I meant was don't think, just live and you will slowly improve.

Again, I didnt mean for my post to sound like I was trivialising your suffering. I'm sorry if it did.

Alex


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## Digitalbath (Aug 13, 2004)

hi shadowness, the instant ive read the title of your post, i understood you already. me too is feeling that way, it seems like after all the stress and venture into or inside my mind about life, feelings, emotinos and relity--- when i think of how it was to be or feel NORMAL..., i fail....

i think like "would i still feel normal if I dont have dp/dr? i mean ive gotten used to this that it seems like this is my reality and everytime i realized that i havent been thinking about dp lately, i wonder if those moments are worth it... or sumthing like that--- im afraid that when i dont think about dp while i am awake and doing things im supposed to... i fail to experience what i should be experiencing,.

like everything will be meaningless if i dont have or feel dp'd... but nontheless i still try to make myself NOTbelieve in myself-- or sumthing like that

... there's still the shimmer of hope that one day i will experience reality like i used to enjoy it--


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## Digitalbath (Aug 13, 2004)

hi shadowness, the instant ive read the title of your post, i understood you already. me too is feeling that way, it seems like after all the stress and venture into or inside my mind about life, feelings, emotinos and relity--- when i think of how it was to be or feel NORMAL..., i fail....

i think like "would i still feel normal if I dont have dp/dr? i mean ive gotten used to this that it seems like this is my reality and everytime i realized that i havent been thinking about dp lately, i wonder if those moments are worth it... or sumthing like that--- im afraid that when i dont think about dp while i am awake and doing things im supposed to... i fail to experience what i should be experiencing,.

like everything will be meaningless if i dont have or feel dp'd... but nontheless i still try to make myself NOTbelieve in myself-- or sumthing like that

... there's still the shimmer of hope that one day i will experience reality like i used to enjoy it--


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

*Alex said:


> Hey shadowness, I didnt mean for my post to come across in that way, we all are going through or have gone through the same thing. I guess what I meant to say is try and stop over analysing everything and then obcessing over things, as you know this creates fear. What I meant was don't think, just live and you will slowly improve.
> 
> Again, I didnt mean for my post to sound like I was trivialising your suffering. I'm sorry if it did.
> 
> Alex


hi Alex...

sorry if my reply sounded like i was having a go :?

i did not mean it to sound like that and do not worry...i understood what you meant...

so sorry about that...

c'mere *hugs*



thank you for your replies 

Digitalbath....thank you for your comments  i know what you mean....when i have a split second when i do not think about any dp/dr symptoms i seem to freak out a little as if i should be thinking about myself and how i am feeling...

suppose it is just because i am used to thinking this way although it is hard still...

ah well...


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

*Alex said:


> Hey shadowness, I didnt mean for my post to come across in that way, we all are going through or have gone through the same thing. I guess what I meant to say is try and stop over analysing everything and then obcessing over things, as you know this creates fear. What I meant was don't think, just live and you will slowly improve.
> 
> Again, I didnt mean for my post to sound like I was trivialising your suffering. I'm sorry if it did.
> 
> Alex


hi Alex...

sorry if my reply sounded like i was having a go :?

i did not mean it to sound like that and do not worry...i understood what you meant...

so sorry about that...

c'mere *hugs*



thank you for your replies 

Digitalbath....thank you for your comments  i know what you mean....when i have a split second when i do not think about any dp/dr symptoms i seem to freak out a little as if i should be thinking about myself and how i am feeling...

suppose it is just because i am used to thinking this way although it is hard still...

ah well...


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## dreamcatcher (Sep 23, 2004)

I can totally relate to this post, at the the moment i still have dp/dr but i am not obsessing as much, the negative thoughts are calming down but i am still really scared, still terrified that i am scared of life, can never imagine been like i use to be even though i can connect to past events but they still feel as if they happened to another person. I am pushing myself to go out and do things but rarely getting any enjoyment out of any of it, feel like i am just going through the motions, but that said life is for living and we are alive even if we feel like the living dead.


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## dreamcatcher (Sep 23, 2004)

I can totally relate to this post, at the the moment i still have dp/dr but i am not obsessing as much, the negative thoughts are calming down but i am still really scared, still terrified that i am scared of life, can never imagine been like i use to be even though i can connect to past events but they still feel as if they happened to another person. I am pushing myself to go out and do things but rarely getting any enjoyment out of any of it, feel like i am just going through the motions, but that said life is for living and we are alive even if we feel like the living dead.


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