# Codependency drive my DP



## llxke (Feb 21, 2014)

Today I decided to move on and live my life so I went to go play basketball with my friends. Before hand I wasn't feel much of DP at all but when I got there there were some mad ballers lol. Then my DP just hit like I was like what if I do this wrong blah blah blah. I actually really suck at basketball but I thought it would be nice to just go mess around and play some ball. The majority of my depersonalization is because of my codependence. I remember before DP I was codependent on other people just to be 'good enough' for them or liked, because I felt that way with my dad as a child. and whenever it comes I don't know how to get rid of it so I think and I think on how to get rid of it and it just gets worse. ever since earliar today at the basketball court I have been stuck in DP/DR it doesn't come often but codependency and enmeshment keep it going. like how would I get rid of it? sometimes I feel like myself and im like if they don't like what I wanna do that's there problem. but then most of the time im like, stuck and imprisoned by them trying to be good enough or liked.

any suggestions? thanks


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## llxke (Feb 21, 2014)

I just fucking give up. im pretty sure I have borderline personality disorder and that isn't the DP/DR talking. thinking back its likely I have it. fuck all of this


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## Tandem (Oct 20, 2011)

Hi there,

I used to experience chronic depersonalization. It lasted for approximately 1-1.5 years without a single moment of comfort. I am also studying psychology. Bear in mind that I am basing this post on the minimal information you have provided.

First of all, I doubt you have BPD. If you seriously believe you do, though, you should seek assessment. You should be completely honest when relaying any information. If, in the off chance that you do have BPD, you could be attending dialectical behaviour therapy sessions.

Anyway, it sounds as if you had trouble identifying with your father when you were younger, which could certainly lead to social anxiety. You seem to be very anxious in general, but mostly socially. You could also be experiencing hypochondriasis on account of acute anxiety (i.e: you suspect you have BPD). Anxiety is different for everyone. There are even positive instances of anxiety that can occur. It just so happens that the anxiety you are experiencing isn't actually helping you at all. The biggest advice I have to you is to immediately shut out thoughts pertaining to anxiety, unnecessary negativity, etc., and replace it with a stimulating, manual activity that involves your physical and mental attention. Learn something cool like pen-spinning, or simply invest yourself fully into a conversation. You really need to stay busy. At first, you will realize that you haven't felt DPDR for about 30 seconds. Then you'll say, "Hmm, I haven't acknowledged my ill feelings for five whole minutes," which turns into hours, then half a day, then days, weeks, months.

If you are having trouble finding peace, I would recommend thinking about these things:

- Everyone is going to die.
- Based on our concept of infinity, and assuming that the universe is not capable of becoming wholly excused of body, we might deduce that the particular arrangement of atoms that the universe has come to will occur an infinite amount of time. Your essence is existing eternally (on paper, anyway).
- You exist. This is an irrefutable proof that can be demonstrated through modus ponens. You may not be able to prove to me that you exist, but you can prove to yourself that you exist. That's pretty powerful. 
- You can do things (besides think). Or at the very least, you can have a false perception of you doing things, which is just as effective as a real perception of your actions. This is to say, you can always do something about your own state.

Also, never come back to this website. I'm sure the admin will hate me for discouraging traffic to this domain, but this website is purely toxic. It is, at first, a useful resource at most. Then it becomes a teary pool of wallowing in self pity. I only visit this website on rare occasions to give advice.

This feeling is a lot less complicated than people make it out to be, but it's hard to understand that when you're going through it. Take care,

Tandem


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