# Does anyone else have this problem?



## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Ok so I have been battling this fear of developing schizophrenia for a long time now (since last December). I do apologize to those who have read my many post about this topic but do know that I have been trying really hard to overcome this and it really isn't easy.

Overcoming something like this really feels like a 2 step forward 1 step back, there's relapses, new symptoms as soon as I overcome old symptoms etc.

Lately watching TV has become more bothersome than enjoyment, it just seems like theres a lot going on when watching TV. Like if somethings moving fast or theres lots of flashes going on I may almost flinch a bit. Then I get hit by a wave of panic because I wonder, does that mean I think I'm part of whats going on etc. And no I don't believe that.

So that led me to start researching "perceptions problems", and this is what I came across.

_Definition:

Some people with borderline personality disorder exhibit cognitive-perceptual symptoms.

These symptoms can include:

Suspiciousness
Paranoid Thoughts
Illusions - erroneous beliefs, concepts, or perceptions of reality. These are perhaps more commonly thought of as a delusional thoughts.
Depersonalization - a state in which one no longer perceives the reality of one's self or environment. This is perhaps more commonly thought of as disassociation.
Derealization - an alteration in perception leading to the feeling that the reality of the world has been changed or lost.
Hallucinations_

One of my problems for awhile is having intrusive thoughts that seem to be delusional themed (maybe because I fear schizophrenia?).

So I'll have thoughts like, what if my friends/parents are out to get me? Food being poisoned, etc.

So I have these thoughts a lot through out everyday. Every time I get these thoughts I get hit with a wave of panic, and I start rationalizing them, making sure I don't actually believe in them.

I really feel like I'm so close to insanity and it's only a matter of time were I start having full out delusions.

I feel like no one else but me has this problem here. Now when I go eat dinner my mind gets anxious and starts thinking of all these thoughts.

I try mindfulness techniques but sometimes it's just really hard.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

I can't tell if im anxious/too sane or going down the road of SZ or something like that


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## Whitehazel (Jun 14, 2011)

I think you have OCD... I know many many people who suffer from SOCD. You should have a look at the site stuckinadoorway it has great helpful advice and lots of people who would understand you.

I had SOCD for awhile (still do) and I picked out every single move I made and got so anxious because I thought they were indicators that I was schizophrenic.

The thing with schizophrenia is yea you have delusions but you don't believe that they are delusions! You wouldnt get anxious about them because you would just think they were normal. Does that make sense?

I know it's scary but honestly ruminating about it is not helping you. Just fuels the fear! You need to, everytime you have a thought, laugh and go yep! I am definitely crazy and you will notice how quickly your mind becomes desensitized to it.

I hope I made sense! Your ok and you WILL be ok.

Keep smiling.


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## bro12345 (Sep 18, 2011)

Jayd said:


> Ok so I have been battling this fear of developing schizophrenia for a long time now (since last December). I do apologize to those who have read my many post about this topic but do know that I have been trying really hard to overcome this and it really isn't easy.
> 
> Overcoming something like this really feels like a 2 step forward 1 step back, there's relapses, new symptoms as soon as I overcome old symptoms etc.
> 
> ...


this is my exact fear. your not alone i feel exactly the same. my doctor told me that most schizophrenics are not even aware of their condition. also, he said other people would notice it long before you did if you were schizo. so the fact that you're even worried about it almost guarantees that you don't have it. still, i'm pretty scared of developing it myself.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Thanks guys,

And yeah I've checked out stuckinadoorway.org many times. Since you guys have gone through the same thing you probably have noticed reassurance to us is like crack to a junkie hahaha.

Early today I was doing really good. I went for a run and I was like "bring the thoughts on, I don't care" "give me SZ, who cares". Anyways at the end of my run I was walking through my elementary school and I was looking at the school and suddenly everything looked real, then I looked at the play ground and everything was still so real.

Today had it's ups and downs, but at that moment I felt reality and it felt incredible.


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## Soul Seeker (Jun 6, 2011)

Try not to contemplate your own sanity...nothing good can come of it. Keep yourself busy doing healthy things.


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## Whitehazel (Jun 14, 2011)

I love those glimpses of reality! I always wish it would stick around. One day it will







hope your ok!

And yes reassurance is quite addictive!


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## nowhereboy (Sep 28, 2011)

Jayd, im new to this forum and have been browsing through some of your posts, me and you have allot in common dude.

The fear of skitz has been ruining my life for the last four months. Check out my topic in the storys forum. I also analyize many of my thoughts, looking out for anything unusual or off. Like soul seeker mentioned, contenplating your own sanity is never a good idea. Not that it can send us mad but it can sure make us feel it. I to have had weird thoughts like "what if someone put somthing in my drink" its not like i belive the thought, its just their and then causes anxiety because i link it to a schitzophrenic thought. Im pretty sure these type of thoughts only surfaced thanks to reading symptoms of schizophrenia, its like i re-programmed my sub-concious with this worry and it fucks with me all the time. I also read how the suffers can have random words or phrases pop up in their head and supprise, that started happening to. Not supprisingly this stops happening when i stop thinking about it, i create them myself but its like i cant stop and again it causes shit loads of anxiety.

Somedays im 100% sure im fine, then others im 100% sure im loosing it. I feel your pain bro, thinking your going mad is an awfull weight to have on your shoulders. Like you, ive been re-assured many times that im not but i always want more answers. Its interesting because from your posts i can tell your going to be fine, you have anxiety issues, i can think rationaly about other peoples problems but not my own. I guess thats because anxiety feels so awfull we all belive that we have it a bit worse than everyone else? Its a complex issue, ive been making a little progress recently but im not getting my hopes up yet, im used to the cycle now.

Anyways, be good to chat somtime, even if you are a woodpusher







(im a fruitbooter).


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

nowhereboy said:


> Jayd, im new to this forum and have been browsing through some of your posts, me and you have allot in common dude.
> 
> The fear of skitz has been ruining my life for the last four months. Check out my topic in the storys forum. I also analyize many of my thoughts, looking out for anything unusual or off. Like soul seeker mentioned, contenplating your own sanity is never a good idea. Not that it can send us mad but it can sure make us feel it. I to have had weird thoughts like "what if someone put somthing in my drink" its not like i belive the thought, its just their and then causes anxiety because i link it to a schitzophrenic thought. Im pretty sure these type of thoughts only surfaced thanks to reading symptoms of schizophrenia, its like i re-programmed my sub-concious with this worry and it fucks with me all the time. I also read how the suffers can have random words or phrases pop up in their head and supprise, that started happening to. Not supprisingly this stops happening when i stop thinking about it, i create them myself but its like i cant stop and again it causes shit loads of anxiety.
> 
> ...


Yeah definitely lets chat soon. And yeah I skate haha. I don't hate on you guys though. All extreme sports are fun.


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## Conviction (Oct 30, 2011)

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