# A message of hope (6 years)



## themonkeyking (Dec 20, 2021)

Hello everyone,
I would like to share my story with you. I want to give hope to everyone who suffers from this terrifying and ambigious mental disorder. 

It all started 6 years ago when I was 14. I smoked some stuff, had a panic attack, just like 80% of people here. It all still feels like yesterday. I felt scared, not knowing what was happening to me, went on a wild google search and after some time on the internet I knew what was happening to me.

First few months of having this disorder were crazy. I've been browsing forums all day, waiting for a quick fix. I tried meditation, supplements, I tried everything. *All of us want a quick remedy, we wish we could just undo our problems with quick internet search*. And that's what we hope for. We like to read all of these *bullshit* JUST DO THIS AND IT WILL BE GONE 100% titles which give us *a false sense of hope*. I wanted DPDR to be gone immadietely. We don't want to invest time into actually fixing our problems.

Believe me, I've been through every symptom you can imagine. Detachment, numbness, visual snow, light sensitivity, lack of emotions, feeling like I'm watching my life from a 3rd person view. YOU NAME IT. I felt so unreal, I didn't think it was possible. I couldn't believe the way I felt. And if you've ever tried to explain your disorder to someone, you know their reaction. 95% of the people walking on this earth have never heard of this bullshit. 

At that time, I felt like DP took the best years of my life. Regret of a wasted adolescence is an overwhelming and difficult feeling. But nowadays I don't see it like this. Some things were difficult to deal with but I don't feel like I've wasted any time. I made great friends, had a great time.

*There is no single remedy for this disorder.* We are all different, we all have different problems. I can't tell you what's going to work for you, You can't tell me what will fork for me. Period. I can only tell you what helped me and hope that you can take something out of it.

You are probably already tired of hearing this and don't want to hear this. But that's what's worked for me. I tried really hard to accept this disorder but I managed to stop fighting it after *5 YEARS*. I stopped browsing all forums, I was tired of thinking about it. I accepted this as a PART OF ME. If it's going to be there forever, let it be. 

At first I was like "ok i feel like shit. I want to be free NOW." It takes time to admit that recovery is not easy and linear.

*Am I 100% recovered?* I would be lying if I said so. Depersonalization disorder is still somewhere in the background. It's not even close to being as bad as it used to be - now it's just something that sometimes reminds me about its existence. *Why have I not fully recovered?* I still have a few problems. My early childhood was hard, I have a problem with repressed emotions but overall my life is going very well. I'm not depressed, I am extremely extroverted (which is crazy, considering the fact that most of you are introverts), I have high cognitive abilities and many friends.

The only symptom that's still bothering me are existential thoughts, sometimes I feel like I'm going to zone out of existence. But that's besides the point.

I wish you all well. I hope all of you will recover from this difficult disorder, If not 100%, I want you all to learn to live with it and enjoy every moment of your existence on this planet. You are all intelligent and sensitive people who deserve the best.


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience in this respectful way.


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

themonkeyking said:


> Hello everyone,
> I would like to share my story with you. I want to give hope to everyone who suffers from this terrifying and ambigious mental disorder.
> 
> It all started 6 years ago when I was 14. I smoked some stuff, had a panic attack, just like 80% of people here. It all still feels like yesterday. I felt scared, not knowing what was happening to me, went on a wild google search and after some time on the internet I knew what was happening to me.
> ...



this was the path from the recovery of my first episode of chronic dpdr (5 years) as well.


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