# Battling, more than ever



## James_80 (Feb 27, 2016)

This past week has been horrific for me. I was so bad with anxiety on Monday, it felt like liquid nitrogen was flooding through my veins. The derealisation became so bad it was almost laughable. I ended up going home sick from work for a few days but realised that the isolation would only make me worse. So I've battled my way through work, even though each day has felt like an almost continuous panic attack. I realised that this is the only way to tackle this condition - to push yourself into situations where you feel that extreme discomfort. But it's been so horrible, like hell on earth. If I'm still this way on Monday, I don't kinow how much more fight I've got in me to carry on going to work. Has anyone taken time off work and it's been a good thing? I live on my own and would be isolated if I did that. Although it would give me a chance to try out antidepressants, which I'm unable to tolerate while working. They make me so much worse at first.


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## mana_war (Jul 3, 2014)

Have you checked if anybody on the forum lives around you? I don't think antidepressants are very helpful but that is just me. I think sitting at home only continues the cycle. But there is this step beyond going out that im not taking..and i think there lies the answer
either way seeing other people keeps me a bit sane really i dont think staying home would be beneficial. Anyway Talk to me if u ever need to talk.


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## Skate82 (Feb 6, 2016)

James,

I literally checked to see if I wrote your post because it's the same exam situation I'm dealing with. Keep working. That's all I can say. Don't let this "win" by keeping you home from work. At work you are at least semi distracted if only by keeping up appearances for others. I know exactly how you feel with the adrenaline feeling like nitrogen in your veins. It will be ok. You are ok. Keep working, don't stay in bed all day. Even if you are distracted for 5 minutes at work, that's 5 minutes you'd be upset at home. You can do it. Don't let this rule you. Get out no matter how terrible it feels. Nothing bad ever happens besides feeling awful. Fake it til you make it. You got this.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

I would recommend making your home into a place where you can recouperate without falling back into troubling thoguths and behaviors. This way, you'll be able to retreat from the crazy world without falling back into the dissociation mess. You can be very active in isolation, if you are determined enough. I'm not championing isolation or pushing through day-long panic attacks; there is probably a middle-ground available.

If a person doesn't have anything to focus their thoughts on, they will run out of control even in a healthy person. In an anxious person, these thoughts can quickly become existential or even gruesome. The solution is simple, though. Distract yourself. So long as you are getting all the thereapy you can, and adhering to it, there is no need to worry about your condition all day.

Some things that distract me

-learning guitar

-listening to different genres of music

-playing videogames

-reading books

-cooking

-lighting candles

-banter with friends

-banter with online folks


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## James_80 (Feb 27, 2016)

Thanks for responding guys. Means a lot 

Mana_war: Definitely, I think that seeing other people is the most important thing of all. I really struggle with social anxiety but usually feel better after getting out there, talking with friends or people at work.

Skate82: Thanks! Send me a message, let me know how things are 

Surfer Rosa: You're definitely right about making your home a recuperation place. I'm so bad at keeping the place tidy and tend to just collapse and sleep a lot at home. I do play guitar and write/record music though. I play in bands as well. Maybe I'll try the video games thing. Sounds like a good way to get your brain working without the stress of going outside.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

I can recommend some if you would like.


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## James_80 (Feb 27, 2016)

Sure, that would be great. Any I can play on a pc (microsoft windows)?


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

Haven't played yet:
The Witness
SUPER HOT

Personal recommendation:
The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth
The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion
Day of Defeat: Source
The Wolf Among Us

Also:
Resident Evil 4
Dark Souls 2 (need controller)

These are the PC games I found were very enjoyable, yet not overstimulating. I do have a bias towards "twitch" games, fast-paced only games. The Wolf Among us is basically an adult, realist Disney movie, and a good introduction to interactive story games. These are "low system requirement" games, below list price. No offense, but The Pirate Bay is around if absolutely necessary. Feel no remorse for pirating Oblivion, but definitely don't pirate TWAU.

Windows gaming is where it's at. I would recommend getting something from your youth you enjoyed too. I have been playing the latest versions of Animal Crossing and Smash, both of which take me back to a time before my anxiety existed.

I want to be in a band too. I always thought I wouldn't be able to sing like my dad, because I had acid reflux, and the rest of my family didn't ever sing. I'm trying to work up the courage. The little peeks I have given people suggest I am not tone deaf or incapable. When my best friend left for college, I remember singing some angry music made my depersonalization go away for a bit.

You mentioned wanting to stay engaged. The Witness, Dark Souls 2, and Resident Evil 4 probably demand the most thought. Playing those on auto-pilot involves not completing the game.


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## Kitten123 (Mar 2, 2016)

*Dear James.*

I've been experiencing anxiety attacks during work hours as well.

I've been sent back home under the excuse of "feeling ill".

Usually those "attacks" come and go, just like that.

In order not to "fall" too deep into them,

I recommend you to read and go through the next steps -


- Be aware of you'r anxiety.
*-* Accept the fact that right now you'r body is going through a process called an "anxiety attack".
*-*"Look" at that process from the "side". 
*- *Think about it like that (as funny as it sounds) - This situation is pretty much just another *"false alarm"*. It has nothing to do with the reality occurring right now.*right?*

*"*I have nothing to ACTUALLY be afraid or worried about at this moment. I am at work. Like, Really.

Does any kind of Serial Killer is after me?....*Nah...*I don't remember being chased by one.

Does a World War III is about to breakout?.... *Nah.* Not yet (though).... Then there is NOTHING to ACTUALLY worry about...."


*-*Don't judge yourself at that situation. Don't think thoughts like "OH WHY DOES IT HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN?!....WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!"

Just* DON'T* Judge. Just let that anxiety be. Let it "do what it wants to do". Just look at it from the side.

Think - "Oh. Ok. So that part of my mind is making a scene again. That Drama queen.... I will not fall for that though".


*-* Start to distract yourself. Get concentrated on work. on a conversation. on something else.

Like that,

That anxiety will become a background noise,

and it will fade out.

Try it. for few times.

I would love to hear if it helped you overcome those horrible situations.

*Much love,*

*Kitten. *


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## James_80 (Feb 27, 2016)

Well, that's me back from the dead. I'm in a much better place now, mainly for pushing myself to get out there and engage with the world. I've still got the depersonalization but it's more like an obsessive thinking pattern in my head now rather than the all cosuming beast it was last week. I feel like I've gained a bit of wisdom the past few days to help tackle this thing. The first is to not avoid the discomfort and just do whatever you feel you should do in your heart. Am I feeling lonely? Then I should get out there and feel the terror and battle through it. Eventually that horrific derealization feeling fades. The second thing is to regularly ground myself. For me this involved counting my breaths, looking around for specific colours or anything I could smell or taste. Not just doing this when I was in a total panic but whenever I could. This really seemed to help me feel in control and relieved some of the racing, out of control thoughts. The third is to watch what I'm eating/drinking. All the stuff they say online about diet is true, although I can't take supplements because it seems to increase anxiety. I actually can't believe I went to work today considering the state I was in last week. I can really understand why people end up isolating themselves indoors.

Thanks for all the replies, they really helped me feel not alone in this. At the moment, I feel like I'm the right track to recovery. Maybe a crisis was what was needed to kick start something.

Surfer Rosa: Thanks for all the recommendations. I used to love playing video games when I was a kid. Looking forward to trying it out again. Believe it or not, I'm the frontman in a band. I have a gig in two weeks time so bit nervous about it! Haha, that goes without saying. But the good thing about playing music is you are completely absorbed in it. I totally recommend pushing yourself and expressing yourself through music.

Kitten: Thanks for the anxiety/panic tips! I will definitely try that the next time I feel the rising panic. I really struggle with the physical sensations and find it hard to ignore. It definitely is a case of riding it out and not reacting to it, you're totally right. The anxiety takes so many shapes and forms, it's sometimes hard to even identify what it is. But if not feeling well, it's almost always anxiety related. If I'm feeling like I need to escape or retreat, it's anxiety. And it is ultimately harmless, apart from causing distress.


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