# sick (warning post may trigger)



## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

siick of being depersonalized
sick of feeling stuck in it
sick of trying to get help
sick of living
sick of myself
sick of thinking about suicide 
sick of wanting drugs to escape the pain
sick of the pain

there has to be more to connecting with myself than what is known to me. i must be missing something. i have talked to therapists. i have seen a psychiatrist. i have taken benzodiazepines, SSRI's, SNRI's, anti-psychotics, and stimulants. i have taken over 15 pharmaceutical drugs. i have had brain scans, blood work, and other tests done. i have eaten healthy, exercised, and taken many supplements. i have done intense psychotherapy. i have talked to many different kinds of health professionals totaling up to 15+. i have explored every area of my past that i can think of. i have prayed to God. i have meditated. i have tried forgetting about it. i have tried the linden method. i have tried talking with friends and family. i have tried ignoring my thoughts. i have searched the depths of my soul for everything and anything that may be a cause to make me feel the way i feel and have found nothing. after 2.5 years i have made 0 progress and remain at the same level of disconnection from myself, severe mental pain, and frustration since day 1.

i am starting up work tomorrow to get some cash flow to move out in an attempt to make some kind of life. i'm also planning on taking a sailing class and maybe a few other classes in the spring as sailing has always interested me and i like to learn. i am seeing a psychologist. i eat healthy and exercise. i will try the supps that tommy has talked about, main as well. i may try low dose naltrexone. i am going to try these things and if nothing changes, this may be the end of 'me'.

if anyone has any suggestions for me on something i may have missed please let me know


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## Guest (Oct 14, 2009)

stop searching for an answer? The whole essence of the tired mind that causes DP, is that it needs rest, not constant trying to work it out/find a way out.....let it come to you, just live, simply if necessary. I know it all sounds cliched but you can't just try it for a bit and then if it doesn't work start answer-hunting again - it will take a lot of time. I've been in this for 4 years now, and I am only just starting to feel like me again, albeit only slightly and occasionally but it is coming. And it's only since I stopped looking for an answer and am just living that this has happened.


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## edward_morden (Oct 12, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> stop searching for an answer? The whole essence of the tired mind that causes DP, is that it needs rest, not constant trying to work it out/find a way out.....let it come to you, just live, simply if necessary. I know it all sounds cliched but you can't just try it for a bit and then if it doesn't work start answer-hunting again - it will take a lot of time. I've been in this for 4 years now, and I am only just starting to feel like me again, albeit only slightly and occasionally but it is coming. And it's only since I stopped looking for an answer and am just living that this has happened.


NO!!! BE QUIET!!! BEEE QUIEEETTTT!!!!!!!!!! :mrgreen:

Just saying... I think meditation and thinking is the clue. At least Im trying that and it seems to be the right way cause life doesnt make any sense


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## Guest (Oct 14, 2009)

edward_morden said:


> Phasedout24 said:
> 
> 
> > stop searching for an answer? The whole essence of the tired mind that causes DP, is that it needs rest, not constant trying to work it out/find a way out.....let it come to you, just live, simply if necessary. I know it all sounds cliched but you can't just try it for a bit and then if it doesn't work start answer-hunting again - it will take a lot of time. I've been in this for 4 years now, and I am only just starting to feel like me again, albeit only slightly and occasionally but it is coming. And it's only since I stopped looking for an answer and am just living that this has happened.
> ...


No it doesn't make much sense, but quite frankly you're never going to get anywhere with all these existential questions that noone can answer so there's no point chasing your own tail about it. Just accept it and make the most of the time you have. You're not the first to have these thoughts nor will you be the last, don't assume that noone understands you, they are probably just unwilling to engage in a pointless existential discussion


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## edward_morden (Oct 12, 2009)

No its not pointless. Everything has logic. Besides I really believe (I know that sounds strange but I really do believe) that I experienced pure life and being while meditation.
I cant meditate anymore because I get so afraid now of it and when I try it I often stop like after 10min and sit there 10min without knowing what I do, where I am and what is... not like I thought.. Yes im human but what is human whatever... no I dont even know that Im human whatever... that Im not the pillow etc... Im not even able to formulate a whole sentence during that 10min.. Im just able to sit there and stare. Its frightening so I stopped.
The only thing is that I wanna expience pure life and being again but I cant cause Im afraid of dissolving and loosing anything.

Its like a bird in my head who knocks 24/7 to remind me of this experience and that I should go back. It was like home. the most intense thing I ever experienced and I ever could experience. It was like the whole world and everything in one. I know Im talking like one of these esoteric or religious shamans whatever... but I really experienced it 
There is still this feeling left from it. All I know from that is that everything is the same.. and everything feels like pure bliss... and I have to find out what and why and how I can get back :shock:


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## edward_morden (Oct 12, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> stop searching for an answer? The whole essence of the tired mind that causes DP, is that it needs rest, not constant trying to work it out/find a way out.....let it come to you, just live, simply if necessary. I know it all sounds cliched but you can't just try it for a bit and then if it doesn't work start answer-hunting again - it will take a lot of time. I've been in this for 4 years now, and I am only just starting to feel like me again, albeit only slightly and occasionally but it is coming. And it's only since I stopped looking for an answer and am just living that this has happened.


didnt he do that already?



surfingisfun001 said:


> i have tried forgetting about it. i have tried the linden method. i have tried ignoring my thoughts.


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## Zee Deveel (Aug 3, 2009)

But for how long? Seems like he's tried a hell of a lot of stuff in 2.5 years.

Really sounds like you're trying too hard.

Also I really I don't like the way in America the answer to any kind of mental health issue seems to be throw drugs at it. Taking a cocktail of 15 pharmaceuticals and seeing 15 different mental health professionals in just 2 and a half years is waaaay too much. That's a new drug and a new "shrink" every 2 months!

Relax man, take up the sailing, get a job, stop analyzing and start living your life regardless of this crap.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Thanks Phasedout24 and Zee Deveel. Everyone tells me I try too hard to get better, I think it's true. It's so hard not to in the state I'm in. I agree that being put on a plethora of different pharm drugs is messed up and that there is no easy answer to the problems we face. Most of the health professionals I have seen don't know how to help me so they refer me to someone else, that is why I've seen so many. I have found a good psychologist that I like who I want to stick with. Thanks for the responses.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

honestly i dont know how to fix this either, but i do know that i didn't start feeling better until i got off xanax. xanax made me feel slightly better while i was on it, but nothing got better in the long run. I feel a little better and more manageable now that i am not taking anything. Next thing to tackle is the drinking for me!


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## Zee Deveel (Aug 3, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Thanks Phasedout24 and Zee Deveel. Everyone tells me I try too hard to get better, I think it's true. It's so hard not to in the state I'm in. I agree that being put on a plethora of different pharm drugs is messed up and that there is no easy answer to the problems we face. Most of the health professionals I have seen don't know how to help me so they refer me to someone else, that is why I've seen so many. I have found a good psychologist that I like who I want to stick with. Thanks for the responses.


Yeah it's difficult mate. When you face this crap every day, you want to find an answer so bad, it dominates all your thinking, but therein lies the problem.

The only thing I really think you can do is to say "f you" to this condition, you're capable of beating it, you just gotta be tough as hell. Even though you feel awful you can't let it stop you doing anything you wanna do. If you live as normal a life as possible then one day you'll accept this condition and hopefully then it will go away.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Garjon said:


> honestly i dont know how to fix this either, but i do know that i didn't start feeling better until i got off xanax. xanax made me feel slightly better while i was on it, but nothing got better in the long run. I feel a little better and more manageable now that i am not taking anything. Next thing to tackle is the drinking for me!


Yea, I have gone from being on 8 mg xanax to .5 klonopin, i'm going to talk to my psych about switching to valium as I hear that is the next step in tapering off benzodiazepines. I feel at this point that it's doing more harm than good. How long were you on xanax and how did you go about getting off?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Zee Deveel said:


> If you live as normal a life as possible then one day you'll accept this condition and hopefully then it will go away.


That's the plan. Thanks for the encouraging words.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Here Kenny.




I didn't realize you were at this point and I don't know what else to say. 

P.S. I'm Sorry


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

i was on xanax for about 6 months and i started cutting my pills in half..i had really difficult days with this at first but when i went on my roadtrip out west i was distracted so much that sometimes i forgot to take my meds and that was the beginning of coming off it completely. It was about a 2 and a half month process and i have been off it for about 2 months now. I wasn't taking as much as most people though. I started out taking .5 miligrams 3 times a day and quickly went down to 1 mg/day. then 1/4th two times a day. Then 1/4 one time a day then i just got off. I know other people are on more and for longer so it is difficult but if you are taking .5 mg of klonopin you should be able to follow a similar pattern and it really does change things. I think (like drinking a lot) it rewires your brain and the less stuff you are on the more clearly you can think. It's just my personal theory. Good luck i hope you get to feeling better kenny!

Michael.


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

damnit i just wrote a long post and it didn't get published. This will be a littler shorter. I was on xanax for 6 months . went from .5 mg 3 times a day, to two times. Then to 1/4 mg twice a day then to one. I had a lot of distractions with the road trip i went on which was really helpful. i know many people have been on stuff longer than me and higher quantities but if you're on .5 mg klonopin you should be able to taper like i did. I tapered for about 2 and a half months total and have been off it for 2 months now and i feel a little better. I use alcohol to acomplish the same thing but both of these things mess up brain waves so it isn't good for having a clear/calm mind. Good luck Kenny i wish you the best!

Michael.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Claymore said:


> Here Kenny.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks bro. I'm sorry as well, for being an asshole.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Garjon said:


> damnit i just wrote a long post and it didn't get published. This will be a littler shorter. I was on xanax for 6 months . went from .5 mg 3 times a day, to two times. Then to 1/4 mg twice a day then to one. I had a lot of distractions with the road trip i went on which was really helpful. i know many people have been on stuff longer than me and higher quantities but if you're on .5 mg klonopin you should be able to taper like i did. I tapered for about 2 and a half months total and have been off it for 2 months now and i feel a little better. I use alcohol to acomplish the same thing but both of these things mess up brain waves so it isn't good for having a clear/calm mind. Good luck Kenny i wish you the best!
> 
> Michael.


Man I hate when that happens. Well done on getting off. I'm going to schedule an apt. with a psychiatrist to discuss benefits of switching to valium to do the taper. I definitely get miserable when going 2 days + without .5 kpin but at this point see no benefit of staying on it. I was around hard drugs tonight and despite having cravings and really wanting to give in, didn't. Which I feel great about now. Did Colorado end up not working out or what?


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## Guest (Oct 15, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Garjon said:
> 
> 
> > damnit i just wrote a long post and it didn't get published. This will be a littler shorter. I was on xanax for 6 months . went from .5 mg 3 times a day, to two times. Then to 1/4 mg twice a day then to one. I had a lot of distractions with the road trip i went on which was really helpful. i know many people have been on stuff longer than me and higher quantities but if you're on .5 mg klonopin you should be able to taper like i did. I tapered for about 2 and a half months total and have been off it for 2 months now and i feel a little better. I use alcohol to acomplish the same thing but both of these things mess up brain waves so it isn't good for having a clear/calm mind. Good luck Kenny i wish you the best!
> ...


Well done, I think half the reason I still feel crap is cos for quite a while I would cave in when I visited old friends and end up doing shed loads of ketamine :shock:

Have you tried the anxietynomore.co.uk site? I know there are a lot of gimmicks out there but his book has helped me a lot and it's only like $20. The reasoning behind it really makes sense as well as to why meds etc don't work. I also think, from my own knowledge of these things via my degree, that Tommygunz' new method may make a lot of sense. It's at least worth a try. I am having a poo day myself today so I do empathise, came home from work in fact which I haven't done in months. Grrr! But in general am feeling better than I was, just got to keep on hoping I guess. Joy : *big hugs*


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Claymore said:
> 
> 
> > Here Kenny.
> ...


Your welcome man.  I don't know why I react so agrilly when I get angry knowing I shouldn't, but the funny thing is, part of what Tommy found was that to much dopamine can cause anger and agitation issues, go figure :roll: . But I hoped the song gave you a little hope. I didn't know what to write so I went through some of my old posts as edu and found that I had posted this song right after I read this thread and I thought "that would be perfect for Kenny right now", so I hope it helped :wink: . And i'm glad we're back on good terms. Tommy's stuff comes in the mail today, wish me luck :shock: .


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Phasedout24 said:


> Well done, I think half the reason I still feel crap is cos for quite a while I would cave in when I visited old friends and end up doing shed loads of ketamine :shock:
> 
> Have you tried the anxietynomore.co.uk site? I know there are a lot of gimmicks out there but his book has helped me a lot and it's only like $20. The reasoning behind it really makes sense as well as to why meds etc don't work. I also think, from my own knowledge of these things via my degree, that Tommygunz' new method may make a lot of sense. It's at least worth a try. I am having a poo day myself today so I do empathise, came home from work in fact which I haven't done in months. Grrr! But in general am feeling better than I was, just got to keep on hoping I guess. Joy : *big hugs*


I may have seen the site, not exactly sure. I that think Tommy's method is worth a shot as well. I'm looking forward to seeing what he posts in the near future and giving it a shot. It will be neat if many of us try it and post how it affects us. What do you do for work? *hugs back*


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Claymore said:


> Your welcome man.  I don't know why I react so agrilly when I get angry knowing I shouldn't, but the funny thing is, part of what Tommy found was that to much dopamine can cause anger and agitation issues, go figure :roll: . But I hoped the song gave you a little hope. I didn't know what to write so I went through some of my old posts as edu and found that I had posted this song right after I read this thread and I thought "that would be perfect for Kenny right now", so I hope it helped :wink: . And i'm glad we're back on good terms. Tommy's stuff comes in the mail today, wish me luck :shock: .


Hey yea, seriously good luck with the supplements. I hope the best for you. I'm pretty sure I have a lot of built up anger lodged inside myself because I don't really know how to express it in a healthy way. That could be a reason. It's normal to get angry, it's just how we deal with the anger that defines us. I think a good fight is healthy every now and then. Lets us know what were made of and really feel sometimes. Peace and love are good too. :mrgreen:


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## Guest (Oct 15, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Phasedout24 said:
> 
> 
> > Well done, I think half the reason I still feel crap is cos for quite a while I would cave in when I visited old friends and end up doing shed loads of ketamine :shock:
> ...


I'm a trainee auditor at one of the big 4 *waits for glazed look to appear* ;D 
Yes fingers crossed that, if not a cure itself, that tommy's method is at least a stepping stone in the right direction!


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

yeah Colorado didn't work out. I actually got a reply from a place i wanted to live the day after i left.  now my car is broken down in Kansas and i'm stuck in a hotel. Feels like a purgatory hospital sick room. I know what you mean about the drugs too. I never usually want hard drugs unless i am drunk and around certain people. Luckily it's usually hard to find so when i start asking no one can help out.  it's for the best. Once again, i wish you well!


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

KENNY KENNY KENNY!!!!!!!!!!! ITS GONNA WORK!!!!!!!!   I TOOK ALL THE STUFF ABOUT 2 OR 3 HOURS AGO AND MAYBE 20 MINUTES AFTER I DRIPPED THE SUBLIGUAL B-COMPLEX UNDER MY TONGUE AND IT GOT IN MY BLOOD STREAM AND THEN TOOK THE CHOLINE AND INOSITOL, I FELT REEEEAAAALLLY CALM AND I WAS LIKE WOOOOOH!!!!! THIS HIT ME ALREADY?!!!!!! :shock: Right now 3 hours later I feel really different but better in some tiny tiny way, I can't explain how I feel. I'm still DP'd but my body and mind are relaxed and I feel overall a peacefull feeling, but it feels kinda weird right now but its definately good and not bad. I can't wait to see where i'm at in a few weeks. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS AT ALL!!!!!!!! In fact, I was a little nervous right before I took it but it definatley did something. I would say Tommy was right. GET THEM!!!!!!!!. Peace Bro, so relaxed, i'm off to bed at 8:40 PM. 

P.S. SATURDAY I'M GOING TO SEE METALLICA IN CONCERT!!!!!!!! The first concert i've ever been to.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

[/quote]

Hey yea, seriously good luck with the supplements. I hope the best for you. I'm pretty sure I have a lot of built up anger lodged inside myself because I don't really know how to express it in a healthy way. That could be a reason. It's normal to get angry, it's just how we deal with the anger that defines us. I think a good fight is healthy every now and then. Lets us know what were made of and really feel sometimes. Peace and love are good too. :mrgreen:[/quote]

hey man im here for you.. you will feel better. my advice for the expressing your anger issue is getting a punching bag.. im pretty sure we already chatted about this. Its a great workout, and you can go apeshit on the thing lol. just dont hit it when your drunk or you will end up with a fractured wrist for several months 

but seriously dude, your doing good. youll feel better from working.. keep doing your karate cuz i cant wait to spar you in cali  ive been goin thru a tough time lately too man.. just pure loneliness in my life.. but i always got you and my other great friends to talk to on here.. just remember man homeless people DO love gummy bears! :lol:


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Phasedout24 said:


> I'm a trainee auditor at one of the big 4 *waits for glazed look to appear* ;D


Ut, oh :shock: that means I cannot be your friend. Joking :mrgreen:


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Garjon said:


> yeah Colorado didn't work out. I actually got a reply from a place i wanted to live the day after i left.  now my car is broken down in Kansas and i'm stuck in a hotel.


Oh man, isn't that the way things work sometimes. Sounds unfortunate, but also like a kick ass journey. I think it's rad that you up and left and went for it. Thanks for wishing me well, I'd like to wish you a best journey. Are you headed anywhere now?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Claymore said:


> KENNY KENNY KENNY!!!!!!!!!!! ITS GONNA WORK!!!!!!!!   I TOOK ALL THE STUFF ABOUT 2 OR 3 HOURS AGO AND MAYBE 20 MINUTES AFTER I DRIPPED THE SUBLIGUAL B-COMPLEX UNDER MY TONGUE AND IT GOT IN MY BLOOD STREAM AND THEN TOOK THE CHOLINE AND INOSITOL, I FELT REEEEAAAALLLY CALM AND I WAS LIKE WOOOOOH!!!!! THIS HIT ME ALREADY?!!!!!! :shock: Right now 3 hours later I feel really different but better in some tiny tiny way, I can't explain how I feel. I'm still DP'd but my body and mind are relaxed and I feel overall a peacefull feeling, but it feels kinda weird right now but its definately good and not bad. I can't wait to see where i'm at in a few weeks. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS AT ALL!!!!!!!! In fact, I was a little nervous right before I took it but it definatley did something. I would say Tommy was right. GET THEM!!!!!!!!. Peace Bro, so relaxed, i'm off to bed at 8:40 PM.
> 
> P.S. SATURDAY I'M GOING TO SEE METALLICA IN CONCERT!!!!!!!! The first concert i've ever been to.


Hey right on Dannie, good to hear you got positive results. I'm gunna wait for Tommy to post his stuff and most likely try it at some point in the near future. I could really use a relaxed body and mind, couldn't we all. A metallic concert sounds pretty awesome, are you goin' with some buddies? That should be a good time. Wish you the best. Peace.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Optimusrhyme said:


> just remember man homeless people DO love gummy bears! :lol:


 :lol: crack and gummie bearz, doesn't get much better than that! good times my friend.



> my advice for the expressing your anger issue is getting a punching bag.. im pretty sure we already chatted about this. Its a great workout, and you can go apeshit on the thing lol. just dont hit it when your drunk or you will end up with a fractured wrist for several months


I am in the market for one as we speak. My little bro wants to go half in on one and start training with me, so even better! I can't wait to spar either, tonight I slow motion sparred my teacher and it was so incredibly awesome!! He's amazing.



> ive been goin thru a tough time lately too man.. just pure loneliness in my life.. but i always got you and my other great friends to talk to on here..


Yes you do. I know the loneliness well, I'm in a similar boat. You know how to get a hold of me if you wanna talk about shit or just say how bad ass you preformed your katas lol. If you're around tomorrow lets skype.

Thanks for the encouragement dude, I appreciate it. Have you made any new raps lately?

I got a king size bed... made with his exact specifications :lol:


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Thanks everyone for the responses, truly appreciate it.


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## Guest (Oct 16, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Thanks everyone for the responses, truly appreciate it.


nay problemos, we all have those moments. I just had one in fact, and shouted at my mum when she said 'never mind' woops

going out for dinner in a min, omnomnomnoms mmmmmmmmm


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## Guest (Oct 17, 2009)

Aw Kenny I'm sorry to hear your fed up. *hugs you* you're gonna be ok. I spent a lot of time looking for cures and i made things worse. Just do the things you love and one day you'll forget you have DP, then it will just go. I've done that in the past and it worked.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Hey Kenny  , been off of here for almost a week. The concert was awsome, Metallica puts on quite a show. Coffins coming down from the ceiling, the most unreal laser show i've ever seen :shock: , fire shooting up out of the ground while the guys are still playing around it, different colored flames and all kinds of cool stuff, I went with my cuz. I thought i'd be back after the concert but my grandma is dying in the hospital and we rushed down to winston-salem hospital because they don't think she's going to make it. She was alive when I left today but I dought i'll be able to see her alive again because I live so far away  . But at least I got to see her first and tell her I love her and i'll see her again. But the stuff is still working but I set my recovery back because i've gotten drunk every night for the past few nights and alcohol raises dopamine level so i'm really dp'd right now, but I should go back to recovering in a week or two. How are you doing bro?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

What's up what's up what's up. Sounds like a sick concert. That's great that you got to see your grandma and tell her you love her before she passes.

I went to see my psychiatrist today. He thinks I have a seizure in my brain. So he gave me anti-seizure medication today. I definitely feel different on them. So this is what my psychiatrist thinks... he thinks that I have a seizure in my brain that is in the part of the brain that deals with "association to one's senses", which he says could cause the feeling of a lost sense of self/ego. What is also interesting is that I've had a SPECT scan done that showed images of my brain. There is a hole in one of the images on the top right side of my brain. After going through my MRI and SPECT scan results he came up with this theory that my issue of feeling a "loss sense of self/ego" could be due to damaged pathways in the part of my brain that deals with association. As I look around right now shapes are more defined and things are more colorful. I can focus better. When I was cooking steaks tonight I could actually smell the steak. I can think more clearly to an extent. I'm trying to feel DP and disconnection right now to see if this is a placebo but I can't even go into that state-of-mind. I'm starting to wonder if my issues could actually be seizure related. Wouldn't that be something.

Wow.. I just looked up and saw an old picture of myself and could identify myself with it. :shock:

... i still can...

wow.


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## Tommygunz (Sep 7, 2009)

that's gnarly, why did it take so long to come to that? couldn't they have caught that sooner?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Tommygunz said:


> that's gnarly, why did it take so long to come to that? couldn't they have caught that sooner?


It's something he has been suspecting. A while back he prescribed me a few different anti-seizure medications that affected the temporal lobes and also other areas of the brain that seizures can occur in (forgot the names of the specific parts of the brain). Just today when he was looking at my SPECT scan a second time he put it together that the area that showed damage on the scan was in a part of the brain that the previous anti-seizure medications didn't affect.

I was hesitant to even try medication again as I've tried many in the past with no effect. I actually went in today just so I could get valium to do a switch/taper from klonopin as I feel i no longer benefit from it.


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

I was in this picture watching this and hearing it live in this very photo. This is part of what I meant by flames shooting. And i'm glad to hear you're getting some awnsers.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Claymore said:


> I was in this picture watching this and hearing it live in this very photo. This is part of what I meant by flames shooting. And i'm glad to hear you're getting some awnsers.


Wheres the photo?


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Claymore said:
> 
> 
> > I was in this picture watching this and hearing it live in this very photo. This is part of what I meant by flames shooting. And i'm glad to hear you're getting some awnsers.
> ...


OH SHIT, i forgot to post the link :roll: You can tell that alcohol made my DP get bad again :roll: . Here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8bF03A0 ... re=related


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

that looks sick man, glad to hear you had a good time


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

This band opened for metallica and played this song, its my fav Lamb of God song. I bout flew out of my shoes when they started playing it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHdopiRl ... re=related


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## DemonBlood (May 3, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> What's up what's up what's up. Sounds like a sick concert. That's great that you got to see your grandma and tell her you love her before she passes.
> 
> I went to see my psychiatrist today. He thinks I have a seizure in my brain. So he gave me anti-seizure medication today. I definitely feel different on them. So this is what my psychiatrist thinks... he thinks that I have a seizure in my brain that is in the part of the brain that deals with "association to one's senses", which he says could cause the feeling of a lost sense of self/ego. What is also interesting is that I've had a SPECT scan done that showed images of my brain. There is a hole in one of the images on the top right side of my brain. After going through my MRI and SPECT scan results he came up with this theory that my issue of feeling a "loss sense of self/ego" could be due to damaged pathways in the part of my brain that deals with association. As I look around right now shapes are more defined and things are more colorful. I can focus better. When I was cooking steaks tonight I could actually smell the steak. I can think more clearly to an extent. I'm trying to feel DP and disconnection right now to see if this is a placebo but I can't even go into that state-of-mind. I'm starting to wonder if my issues could actually be seizure related. Wouldn't that be something.
> 
> ...


That's awesome man. Hope the medication continues to work for you.


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## backagain (Aug 8, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> What's up what's up what's up. Sounds like a sick concert. That's great that you got to see your grandma and tell her you love her before she passes.
> 
> I went to see my psychiatrist today. He thinks I have a seizure in my brain. So he gave me anti-seizure medication today. I definitely feel different on them. So this is what my psychiatrist thinks... he thinks that I have a seizure in my brain that is in the part of the brain that deals with "association to one's senses", which he says could cause the feeling of a lost sense of self/ego. What is also interesting is that I've had a SPECT scan done that showed images of my brain. There is a hole in one of the images on the top right side of my brain. After going through my MRI and SPECT scan results he came up with this theory that my issue of feeling a "loss sense of self/ego" could be due to damaged pathways in the part of my brain that deals with association. As I look around right now shapes are more defined and things are more colorful. I can focus better. When I was cooking steaks tonight I could actually smell the steak. I can think more clearly to an extent. I'm trying to feel DP and disconnection right now to see if this is a placebo but I can't even go into that state-of-mind. I'm starting to wonder if my issues could actually be seizure related. Wouldn't that be something.
> 
> ...


That's good news Kenny, I'm glad you're feeling better

Could you tell me the name of the medication, I would like to research it's mechanism of action


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey thanks guys. The medication I'm trying is called Stavzor.


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## Guest (Oct 21, 2009)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Hey thanks guys. The medication I'm trying is called Stavzor.


Mmmmm interesting

My dp came about after having a grand mal seizure in 2005 (I've not had any since) and sometimes temporal lobe epilepsy can cause feelings of unreality

However to be having a constant seizure would be extremely unusual

I think perhaps they might mean a lesion?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Phasedout24 said:


> surfingisfun001 said:
> 
> 
> > Hey thanks guys. The medication I'm trying is called Stavzor.
> ...


My psychiatrist used the words "seizure activity in the brain". Do you think if a seizure or seizure activity were to occur in the brain that certain parts or pathways could shut down? If it happened to be parts of the brain that we use to interpret our sense of self, feelings of depersonalization would make sense.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Phasedout24 said:


> My dp came about after having a grand mal seizure in 2005


Have you tried any anti-seizure medication?


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