# Finding it strange to be human, developing DP?



## elliottermote (Feb 12, 2014)

Ive had Depersonalisation and Derealisation since i was in my early teens and sort of grew up getting used to it. I assumed it was just a hormonal phase and carried on with life. However it has now become a struggle in everything i do and over the years have come to realise just how badly i am effected by it. I feel like i have experienced DP to a great extent and am now looking for answers to overcome this though i fear it may be permanent, not just a weed induced few weeks/months of the shit.

A few months ago i smoked a joint (classic DP story) and had a seriously strange trip. I felt as if i were trapped in a fake world, the world outside did not exist. I felt a complete loss of connection to my hands/ body and movement. My memories felt so far away, and time kept skipping. I would feel like i was re-living the same 10 minutes of my life over and over again. I felt trapped in my own body, but at the same time, completely alien to myself. So naturally i started to seriously panic. Strangely, i felt like i recognised this feeling, possibly because of DP and DR.

Ever since this experience i feel like i am trapped in the same state. I find myself questioning over and over again, who am i? what am i? am i real? is the world real? whats the point in life? why am i a human? The only way i can describe it in a nutshell is 'complete disconnection with myself, reality and others'

This makes it extremely hard to socialise, as i find it so strange to be amongst other people as i begin to question what they are and see them as objects and then begin to question what i am in relation to them. I used to be an extremely social and eccentric person.

Depersonalisation and Derealisation are still as prominent as they always were, i have just began to see the world in a completely desensitized, inhuman and almost animalistic way.

Could the weed have increased feelings of DP? or is this something else to worry about?


----------



## kelly326 (Dec 10, 2013)

So you have dealt with this for years? Why would you smoke weed if you were already DP/DR? Just asking, you will be fine, even though they are scaring you they are just thoughts. I have the same problem sometimes. I feel like my whole life from birth to now was fake, I am always super aware of my existence. I feel like I'm trapped in this fake world too. How long have you actually had the DP/DR?


----------



## elliottermote (Feb 12, 2014)

Ive dealt with DP/DR for years, but the bad thoughts came after the trip. The thoughts also come with the same strange feelings of disconnection from my hands/body etc, feeling weightless when i walk and almost empty. DP/DR is something which ive had for a long time now, i wasnt aware that smoking weed would do anything when i first started, as i considered what i was feeling as normal, or at least i had sort of learnt to live with it. It never did effect me the same as others though, i just felt increasing DP/DR.


----------



## nectarios82 (Sep 9, 2013)

yea... I have the sensations of seeing people as "animals" rather than humans sometimes. especially in my 18 credit semester in a University. Imagine that. Its strange. However, they are animals. we are all animals. but in the image and likeness of God. So. We have dominion over all of the other animals. Sorry your going through it bud. You will get through it. Im studying to be an N.D and I hope to one day have a cure for everyone, this sh*t can really suck.


----------

