# Its hard to die (Depressing post)



## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

Hey everybody,

After 11 months of DP i've just had it, im struggling with a heavy depression now for 9 months, i can't live a happy life like this.

Im almost Depressed all the time, it gets worse when i think about dp or death.

I always had hope and motivation to keep fighting this but im about to lose, i think the Prozac is only making stuff worse at the moment, i might need to switch medication.

I am completely lost, this horrible Depersonalization and Derealization is just too much for me at the moment, i sometimes try to self hurt myself with thoughts (No i don't cut or anything like that) for example: I hear a car horn outside, and somehow i try to force myself thinking that the car horn is not real but at the same time im trying hard to prevent these thoughts (Its just an example)

Im planning to take lamotrigine since it has been proven that it can have a direct and positive influence on DP/DR on some persons, and another anti depressant, and quit the self-medicating with alcohol (Don't get me wrong, i dont drink as soon as i wake up, i just can't end the day without 6-10 beers, after dinner/before bedtime i feel the urge to drink a few beers to end the day calmly)

And i think im gonna switch from Xanax Retard (Retard means extended release) to Diazepam/Valium, since i have tried that before and it made me waayy calmer than xanax does. You don't need to tell me that Benzo's are not healthy, cause i know that.

Please give me suggestions on what could help.

Please....


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Hey man, maybe end the meds or switch it up.

I also need to stop drinking (I don't self medicate, I just really like it lol). I don't even get that drunk, but I am scared that drinking might lead to a worse condition even though I don't even abuse it.

I think if you stop drinking your mood is going to be increased a lot.

I have hope for you man

- Jayden


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## birdiehead (Apr 19, 2010)

Don Steffa said:


> Hey everybody,
> 
> After 11 months of DP i've just had it, im struggling with a heavy depression now for 9 months, i can't live a happy life like this.
> 
> ...


can you tell me your symptoms? i just started lamotrigine but it's gonna take forever to get into my system. you have to do it slow. i depersonalized when i was 18. im 35 now. i didn't even know i had dpd until i was 33. i used to function pretty well but now the symptoms are out of control and i can't get outta bed. i think of ending it every second of every day. what's the point of living in an unreal world with no feelings. my life is passing me by. i have no anxiety anymore. just feel like a dead person walking the earth. the thing that makes me mad is they say this isn't a progressive diesease but for me it's totally ben progressive. it really is from hell. alcohol helped me for many years but i think it fucked me in the long run. i still drink though. also the loss of time is killing me. everyday is the same. like grounhogs day. fucking nightmare.


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2011)

I also understand this feeling, but please don't give up.

I would say #1, you've got to stop drinking. Alcohol is documented as CAUSING DP/DR in some people, and it indeed is hard on your body in so many ways.

I think you need to slowly "detox" from drinking, literally. I wouldn't do it cold turkey. Your tolerance for alcohol is so high it is scary.

If you can look forward to the "project" of detoxing from alcohol as a goal, keep a daily journal to see how you're feeling, then you may feel some sense of control. Also, it's impossible to know if any medication is working properly until you get off the alcohol.

*Also, for me of all the benzos, the one that has worked best is an even dose of Klonopin/clonazepam every day. I have been on 6mg/day for years. And I am on 200mg Lamictal for quite some time. Those two meds, taken every single day, have saved my life. Klonopin has a longer half-life than the other benzos -- I have never heard of XR Xanax, but I'd bet it doesn't work the same way Klonpin does. I was on about 4 different benzos before Klonopin, and they did NOTHING for me. And for me alcohol makes me feel worse.*

One hour of this DP is too long, but for all of you young folks, there is hope, I believe it, and with me I have had a degree of improvement simply over time and having a sense of control over this.

Didn't say I was happy, but I'm glad I've stayed around all these years.

Take Care,
D


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## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

Jayd said:


> I also understand this feeling, but please don't give up.
> 
> I would say #1, you've got to stop drinking. Alcohol is documented as CAUSING DP/DR in some people, and it indeed is hard on your body in so many ways.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your advice Dreamer, i will definatly do something with your advice!!


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## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

But... we had joy...


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## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

Brando2600 said:


> But... we had joy...


..we had fun...


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## Reborn (Jun 24, 2011)

Don Steffa said:


> ..we had fun...


...we has seasons in the sun


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## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

Reborn said:


> ...we has seasons in the sun


but the hills that we reached...


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## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

Brando2600 said:


> but the hills that we climbed...


were just seasons out of time..

Goodbye papa..


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