# I'm back - another story of depersonalization relief



## Iusedtobereal (Dec 11, 2005)

Wow.. ok so I don't wanna jinx it but I am back here.. in reality.. I look int eh mirrior and I actually see me...

Although I feel like I have lost a good 16 months of my life I am back in my own skin = ) I can't beleive it...

I guess lately I have just been thinking - ok no obsessing no deep thoughts no caffine to make my anxiety worse no drama no more than I can handle.. and things are going well..

I'm the type of guy that never cries... I do my best to hold it all in. Today I cried longer than a minute and wow I feel so much relief its unbeleieveable...

While part of me is just thanking god to be real and feel like myself again part of me doesn't believe it will stay.. I guess I'll see what happens = )

But more than anything iof you have dp/dr I think the answer to it goes as follows

1) Do anything to distract yourself... I found my mind always searching for some sort of answer to make this all ok to find my way out so that I could finally feel like myself again.. I wanted it so much that I searched endlessly for every waking monet... little did I know this only amde it worse... then I got anxiety about making it worse because the habit was so hard to break.

2) Do anything to not feel crazy anxiety.. this means light working out, listening to Enya, meditating, lieing in bed but the important thing here is not to think about it while doing it - the more you obsessa bout finding a cure the worse it will amke it - thats what I have come to conclude.

3) You must form a beleif of allowing your anxiety/compulsions to "find the answer" take a back seat in your mind, realize the only way to find releif will be to relax and not think about it.

What it really comes down to is giving your nervous system time to rest.. thats what makes the most sense to me.

Hope you all find a way out.

I wish you all the best - maybee something can be learned from my experiences...


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## distantdawn (Dec 17, 2005)

You gave me so much hope by posting this!! Thank you so much!!


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2006)

good post, hope people actually follow your instructions


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Hey, really happy for you.

Your thoughts on what helps are always helpful to keep hearing.

Enjoy.!


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2006)

Thanks Iusedtobereal for your post

My experiences of intense DP/DR are for the most part in the distant past- many years ago. Yet over the last thirty years I have occasionally felt a wave of panic rising up now and then as I began to relive (mostly through memory)my DP/DR state which I once existed in and the "horror" of it all. After all this time I still feel that I could slip right back there at any time whenever I concentrate deeply on a thought or contemplate philosophically the defintion or meaning of being in existence. It really is like being lost in a labyrinth in ones own mind- so disconnected-so alone, one feels.

An object relations therapist I was seeing about a decade ago pointed out to me that as horrible as DP/DR is I still felt a certain fascination and a desire to return to it. Sort of like Frueds "reptition compulsiion" where one has a unconcious desire to repeat some original trauma to replay the experience for a better outcome perhaps.

For me in anycase, I beleive that my DP/DR obsession (again mostly in the past) came about, without intention on my part conciously, as a means to avoid some seemingly insurmountable difficulties in my relationship to the "real world." A case of Avoidance AND procrastination taken to the extreme.

I have found over the years that tackling things as they come up head on and in a timely manner keeps me from feeling overwhelmed, and it is this feeling of being overwhelmed which begins this fascination and "magnetic pull" to return to the DP/DR state.

In conclusion I remember from the past when in the DP/DR state I felt that any condition of suffering would be preferable, so I know how you all suffer, it can seem so unbearable. But take heart, as I don't think one could be more DP/DR than I was nor suffer greater agony because of it, (I mean I was almost two years in a state mental hospital) but now I am almost entirely free from DP/DR and the panic attacks that used to accompany it. It was kind of hard to tell where DP ended and a panic attack would begin as they seemed to blend into one another almost indistinguisably - in fact a sort of long drawn out panic attack.

Anyway I just wanted to say, I guess, that trying to stay on top of things as they come up has proved helpful to me. Also it is helpful when one is able to have that feeling of being "in ones own skin" as you mentioned because when and if one does return to the DP/DR condition one knows that "reality" is still close by and is obtainable. You have the perspective of "experience" that lets yu know this.

In my personal case I have found that over the years a daily maintenance dose of xanax 2-3 mgs per day has proven effective in keeping anxiety and panic attacks in a manageable range.

best of luck to ya


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## lemontea (Aug 8, 2005)

I love reading recovery stoies. Thanks a lot, Iusedtobereal.


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## +[ thedeadpoet ]+ (Jul 23, 2006)

And it is by reading these recovery stories that I can see glimmers of hope for myself.

Even in the process of reading them I notice myself more focused.

I'll also recommend Xanex to anyone suffering from cronic anxiety. It wont make you 100% but it gives you the energy you need to bring it undercontrol with significant ease, and I can definitely say it was the most effective for me.


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## MarkR (Aug 11, 2006)

I believe strongly in what Hogni has to say. I know I sometimes welcome my DP with open arms to avoid stress that is overwhelming me. I know this is the easy way out and that I need to face these stresses as they come and try to not let mole hills become mountains. I own a service industry and the majority of my anxiety comes from there. That and the fact that I have been diagnosed with severe depression and Bipolar II disorder in the last year. It only makes sense that I need to minimze my anxiety any way possible before I take one of my "little journies".


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