# Therapists putting ideas in my head



## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I've done a lot of therapy in hopes of trying to get to "the root" problem. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm making up problems that don't even exist in hopes of getting better. I'm trying to get some kind of substance to work with because it doesn't seem like there is any. I didn't have a perfect childhood but it wasn't traumatic either. In fact it was better than most people I know. I feel really guilty for placing blame on my parents when really they have been my main supporters throughout the time I've been sick with this. A lot of this has been from therapists putting ideas in my head. It really frustrates me because I can't think clearly in the state I'm in. If someone suggests something I tend to go along with it because I am unable to form my own thoughts and opinions on the spot. The blank mind. Maybe there is no root problem. But there has to be right?


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

I'm exactly like that...must be an artist thing. We're too open minded darn it...I'm going to try gestalt therapy next. Also look at my thread about the finnish "open dialogue" therapy....it includes your parents and doesn't blame anything on them.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Below is a review written about a book called, The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment

I highly recommend it









"I would have never guessed that I come from a covertly Narcissistic family system. My family was perfect - or so it seemed from the outside (and even from the inside!). We never fought, we never argued, we never had disagreements. My parents told me and my brothers that they loved us. For 37 years, I believed the family myth. We were the perfect family.

But, the "perfect family" label never felt quite right to me. Even though I was told I was loved, I was also told that I "needed more attention" as a child, was a "difficult" teenager, and more recently that I have "emotional problems" (for daring to speak up about a glaring boundary issue). For years I even believed that I WAS a difficult kid until I started to remember my childhood. I remember my perfect father was an alcoholic who was largely absent and almost totally unavailable emotionally. I remember my mom insisted that we never express "negative" feelings. We were expected to always be positive and happy and if we weren't then we were chided for being selfish and ungrateful. If we were sad or disappointed, we were expected to "walk it off" and told that we should "stop crying" or they would "give us something to cry about". We were told that other (less well-adjusted and unhappy) people "just didn't get it" and we were instructed to pity those people.

How is it that a kid who gets good grades, is compliant and respectful, doesn't smoke, do drugs or have sex, and whose only goal is to go to college a difficult teenager? The answer is found in this book - that she lives in a dysfunctional family system that defines any small statement of independence as an act of disrespect.

In the book, the author defines the narcissistic family system - the "parent system" takes precedence over the "child system". Children raised in these families grow up to believe that they are wrong to experience fear, anger, sadness and frustration because their feelings are never validated. Instead, they are made to feel guilt and shame if they express any needs that conflict with the needs of the parents or are simply inconvenient for the parents. Speaking of my own situation, I even feel guilty writing this down because even mentioning it seems like a betrayal!

I have found out the hard way what happens if you threaten or disrupt the family myth. Not only do the parents punish you, but other family members are enlisted to keep you in line. Heaven help you if you stand up for yourself and decide to define yourself on your own terms. Heaven help you if you create reasonable boundaries to protect your husband and your children from their intrusive behavior, lies and abusive manipulations. In the narcissistic family open and respectful communication is never an option.

The authors of this book describe so many important aspects of this family dynamic. The case examples are an integral part of understanding how the family myth is enforced and how compliance is ensured. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has been made to feel selfish, disrespectful, ungrateful, or "emotionally unstable" in their family. These should be red flags to you that there is something wrong with the "perfect" picture. Another great book that I would like to recommend is "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward - which explains in detail the tools that the narcissistic family members use to manipulate and control.

I want to thank the authors from the bottom of my heart for helping me understand my family and ultimately myself better. I'm struggling with losing the myth (it was beautiful). But I'm grateful that at least I had enough foresight to marry a normal, kind, loving man who is also the best father I know.

My only criticism of the book is that I wish there was more specific advice about how to deal with common interactions during holidays or birthdays (if one chooses to maintain some minimal contact). Now that we know what the problem is, what can we do about it?"


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I thought you were speaking of your own account until I looked on the amazon website and came across the same description. LOL I was thinking, "wow I thought never_giving_up was a guy and also had no idea they were 37!"


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> I thought you were speaking of your own account until I looked on the amazon website and came across the same description. LOL I was thinking, "wow I thought never_giving_up was a guy and also had no idea they were 37!"


Lol no









Am currently reading the book and it's extremely interesting. Even if you don't believe at all that you come from one of these types of families, it's still very interesting to learn about.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I come from and still live with a GREAT family who I love. I live in a really good neighbourhood. I went to really good schools, always had and still have lots of good friends, involved in sports and everything. I could not have asked for a better childhood.

People in are position feel as if we have to make up or point fingers at something because we simply do not know the cause of our DP.

However, our DP can also be caused by *several small stressors *in our life.

Don't try and find the cause of your DP, what's the point? If I were you I would just learn to move on.


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## wtheck (Mar 23, 2011)

surfing, I totally agree with you. I have seen a psychologist for the last 4 months and I swear, he either has a twisted mind and finds problems out of nowhere or my life has always been pretty f. up, which, trust me, it is not the truth.... I have had what is called a "normal life".
According to one of your replies to one of my posts, your dp came out of nowhere? is that right? thanks!


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Jayd said:


> I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I come from and still live with a GREAT family who I love. I live in a really good neighbourhood. I went to really good schools, always had and still have lots of good friends, involved in sports and everything. I could not have asked for a better childhood.
> 
> People in are position feel as if we have to make up or point fingers at something because we simply do not know the cause of our DP.
> 
> ...


Please read my post, it may well apply to you.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

wtheck said:


> surfing, I totally agree with you. I have seen a psychologist for the last 4 months and I swear, he either has a twisted mind and finds problems out of nowhere or my life has always been pretty f. up, which, trust me, it is not the truth.... I have had what is called a "normal life".
> According to one of your replies to one of my posts, your dp came out of nowhere? is that right? thanks!


yes it happened to me out of the blue, though something had to have triggered it. that is what i am looking for though the harder i look the more fucked up things seem to get.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Jayd said:


> I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I come from and still live with a GREAT family who I love. I live in a really good neighbourhood. I went to really good schools, always had and still have lots of good friends, involved in sports and everything. I could not have asked for a better childhood.
> 
> People in are position feel as if we have to make up or point fingers at something because we simply do not know the cause of our DP.
> 
> ...


I had a similar upbringing. If anything I've felt guilty my whole life for having it better than others. I can't move on like this. I can't do shit. I can't think.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

I don't mean to make you guys feel more guilty....but I'm jealous of you


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## snow storm (Aug 10, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> I've done a lot of therapy in hopes of trying to get to "the root" problem. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm making up problems that don't even exist in hopes of getting better. I'm trying to get some kind of substance to work with because it doesn't seem like there is any. I didn't have a perfect childhood but it wasn't traumatic either. In fact it was better than most people I know. I feel really guilty for placing blame on my parents when really they have been my main supporters throughout the time I've been sick with this. A lot of this has been from therapists putting ideas in my head. It really frustrates me because I can't think clearly in the state I'm in. If someone suggests something I tend to go along with it because I am unable to form my own thoughts and opinions on the spot. The blank mind. Maybe there is no root problem. But there has to be right?


Just curious, did dp come out the blue for you? No drugs?

I have also had similar experience with therapists. They seemed to have their own agenda. One particular psychologist that I went to was very preoccupied with the relationship I had with my mother very early on. Another wanted to talk about my dating skills. But if you have no clue why you feel the way you do I mean you have to start somewhere.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

My current therapist is a person-centred therapist.

Her style is that she doesn't push anything whatsoever and it is very much up to me to talk about what I want to.

I recommend that kind if you can.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

snow storm said:


> Just curious, did dp come out the blue for you? No drugs?
> 
> I have also had similar experience with therapists. They seemed to have their own agenda. One particular psychologist that I went to was very preoccupied with the relationship I had with my mother very early on. Another wanted to talk about my dating skills. But if you have no clue why you feel the way you do I mean you have to start somewhere.


Yes out of the blue. No drugs, no panic attack, it just happened one night. How about you? They do seem to have their own agenda.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Yes out of the blue. No drugs, no panic attack, it just happened one night. How about you? They do seem to have their own agenda.


I don't think you should generalize about therapists. Sure, some of them have an agenda and should definitely be avoided but some are genuinely good and interested in helping you in a way that will actually make a difference.


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## snow storm (Aug 10, 2010)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Yes out of the blue. No drugs, no panic attack, it just happened one night. How about you? They do seem to have their own agenda.


That's a bit weird. Maybe you are very introspective or something then??

I had a bad trip on weed. Just once. But I was very introspective before that and in a vulnerable state although I wasn't so aware of it. So I know pretty much why it turned out like it did. I guess it makes things a bit easier.


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## snow storm (Aug 10, 2010)

never_giving_up said:


> My current therapist is a person-centred therapist.
> 
> Her style is that she doesn't push anything whatsoever and it is very much up to me to talk about what I want to.
> 
> I recommend that kind if you can.


Person-centred therapy is one of the therapy forms I really believe in. I tried one session once but I don't think the therapist was the right one for me. But I really think this therapy form works for some!


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