# Recovery Manual



## yearzero (Feb 15, 2018)

Background: I had a weed induced panic attack last November, I think it was a culmination of me worrying about exams and some repressed trauma(rape and some family stuff) and also the fact that I had never smoked that much. It was terrible, I felt like I was a part of a simulation, I thought I was dying, I kept vomiting everywhere, I kept splashing myself with water. My friends bright idea was to get me even higher, gave me a pot brownie after she lied to me there's nothing it and that I should eat to feel better. Next day, I felt out of shape but it went away until I got a panic attack two weeks later, went to the ER, then again it went away but I started to get them again and DP kicked in again. I went into therapy and the talking part of it was helpful but the antidepressant made me crazy and the Xanax made me feel like a zombie. I couldn't taste food and became underweight again which scared my parents because I used to be anorexic, I would cry at random times, I would just stay in bed and think 'I should just end it, I'm never getting better'. I went off them and got on 5htp and it's helped me greatly but a little warning, if you're on medication don't do anything without talking to a professional first. Now, I'm going to break down this manual into two sections: mental and psychical

*MENTAL*​
*don't try to fight it!* I know that sounds counterproductive, they always teach you to calm down, try to think happy thoughts but this way it helped me more. First it's *indifference*, when I would get these thoughts that there was some impending doom like I'm about to get a heart attack, I'd say 'okay, I'm going to get a heart attack' because you realize you worry about things that are way out of your control and that you're not going to pass out, the building won't collapse and that it's you just psyching yourself out. Second it's *humor*, I was in the car with my dad and got this feeling like nothing's real and like we're about to crash so I said 'okay, we're going to crash, the explosion will be a Michael Bay wet dream' and I just laughed it off. 
*go out there*. I know that you might say you are an introvert, you don't like hanging out with people but don't deprive yourself of enjoyment, just go on your own, go to the cinema, go run in the park, go to gigs
*find a hobby*. It doesn't matter that you're bad at it at first. You think when Jimi Hendrix picked up the guitar for the first time and was an immediate guitar god?? We all suck at first but with practice and learning from your mistakes you get better and better. 
*cut down on computer time and social media*. Now, I'm not saying erase all your social media and go rogue because whether we like it or not, it's become the primary tool for communication but it can mess with your self-worth and sense of belonging. Remember that you don't see a whole person, just what that person wants you to see and all those comparisons(remember, you're comparing yourself to the person's best without seeing their worst and FaceTune, filters, good clothes, makeup etc.) beat you down, make you feel unworthy. Now, about computers, they can mess with your sense of reality. For example, when I would binge watch a show, spend my whole day on it, I'd get very anxious, feeling like I don't know what's real anymore. I try keeping the TV-shows and movies I watch as a reward, if I have a good productive day, I'll sit down and watch an episode or a whole movie.
*talk to someone about this face to face*. A therapist would be best but it can be parents, friends, a SO etc. I remember the relief when I first talked to my mom about and she is a nurse so she told me she's seen cases of DP and that most of the time people would cure themselves if they made an effort and got help. I just broke down in tears, it all came tumbling out of me and after I felt like I purged it out of me for the first time. No one is going to judge you and if they do, you don't need that negative energy in your life
​
* PHYSICAL *​
*watch what you eat and make sure to drink enough water*. I started tracking my water intake and realized just how dehydrated I was, I would drink one glass of water a day and not more. Not eating enough or too much, eating processed foods and drinking soda, not drinking water can make you sluggish which contributes to poor focus, poor concentration, poor coordination which fuels DP. 
*get a good night's sleep*. Sleep deprivation can cause you to be dizzy, unfocused which further pushes you into DP. Also, in some extreme cases, it can cause auditory and visual hallucinations
*exercise*. Exercise helps you release endorphins, it can get you out of the house and you might even meet new people. And it's not just that, exercise gives you a good sense of your body and its parts. Sometimes, I'd feel like my hands are alien but exercise has helped me regain a control of my body and made my coordination better. Now if you're not that much of a sporty person or if you don't have much stamina, start with walking then ease into light exercise. Do something that's fun for you: dance, aerobics, soccer, swimming etc. Exercise doesn't have to mean going to the gym if that's not something you enjoy
*get yourself checked*. There are some conditions that might make your DP worse. It can be something as tiny as bad eyesight. My eyesight was bad because my prescription was wrong and it gave me bad headaches and it made my surroundings blurry. Make sure to check your blood levels and take supplements, try *Omega 3, B-complex and some Magnesium and Zinc* because a deficiency can mess with your health, mental and psychical. Also make sure to get your thyroid checked, sometimes an underactive or overactive thyroid can lead to anxiety and DP. 
*cut out smoking*. You might think it winds you down but it actually makes anxiety and panic worse because it changes your breathing pattern and elevates your heart rate
*limit alcohol intake*. Have a drink or two, maybe three but stop the first time you feel even a little drunk. This was hard for me because going out people would make fun of me for being a wuss but on New Years' Eve while I was dancing and having fun, my friend spent the whole night puking her guts out and crying and I had to take her back to mine because she got some DP-like symptoms, she didn't feel real, she felt the whole world was spinning, she felt like dying
*absolutely no drugs*. You don't need them to have a good time and you're putting yourself in danger of overdosing, doing something stupid when you're in that altered state of mind and it further fuels your DP

I feel a lot better two weeks in, I no longer have DP episodes and my panic attacks are very controllable(as I said, indifference and humor) and I don't even touch Xanax anymore for them. My sleep has improved, I gained weight(and muscle definition which is a first) and I'm no longer underweight. Remember it's in your hands and no pill, drink etc. will make you better unless you change your lifestyle. I wish all of you luck.


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## thanksforbeingalive (Dec 22, 2017)

no offense, but it is time that healed you, nothing more, your brain is simply recovered itself.


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## yearzero (Feb 15, 2018)

thanksforbeingalive said:


> no offense, but it is time that healed you, nothing more, your brain is simply recovered itself.


Yes and no.

Yes, at times goes and you get on with life you get better but also no, time itself didn't recover me. I used to not be able to get out of the house and I debated dropping out of uni, I had suicidal thoughts and panic attacks almost every day, I believe if I didn't pull myself out of this and didn't go to therapy and didn't talk it out, I would've stayed in that slump.


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## mjones (Mar 26, 2016)

Wouldn't agree on your last part, weed helped me cure my DP (was never started from it as I always had intense anxiety). Also all I did was drink/party during the summer.....but everyone's different. Or maybe it was time that cured me.


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