# Question for the cured ones



## hennessy (Apr 2, 2008)

I know not too many people have it forever. And actually nearly every single person experiences it at least for a few seconds in their lives(at least a dissociation). And it is mostly a symptom of major anxiety, obsession, depression, trauma etc. So if these have a cures then of course dr/dp also does.

My advice is just don't be obsessed and stop overanalysing. Enjoy the life to the fullest. Stop with the stupid theories. It never helped anyone. I feel amazingly better maybe %90 cured. I just wonder if the %100 cure is possible. And the thing I wonder more about is even if we are %100 cured can we realise it?

Please answer.


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## Guest (Oct 30, 2012)

i tell you quick about myself. had dp 6 years ago for 1.5 year (very very very bad). eventually i recovered. it felt like 100%. i did everything and enoyed life. i say "felt like 100%" because 4 months ago it came back. i started therapy now to try and understand what cause it. but yeah, when you dont have it, you just dont have it. (by the way im getting much much better and i hope this time it wont last as long as 1.5 year)


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## Sam- (Oct 9, 2012)

I agree. When it happens you don't question it, you just know it.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

did the existential thoughts stop and did life feel normal again???


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## Guest (Oct 31, 2012)

absolutly... im actually on lexapro for 2 months and i dont get those existinal thoughts anymore... and the last 4 years were amazing, without a moment of DP...


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## actor_bs (May 26, 2012)

I'm recovered in about 95%, I have no problems functioning, I have my emotios, I'm able to concetrate etc.. but, I can't say I'm 100% got over it. I some random moments I feel I'm getting into it again and I have to force myself to distract.. And it works... I feel that I can easily fall in panic attack and get depersonalized but because of past experience with DP I know all the tricks and I'm allways able to get away from it.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I can also attest to the fact that you go completely back to normal. I had a mini episode 3 years ago where I had full dp/dr for a week. I remember that the day I got it, my entire life beforehand seemed to disappear. And then the day I woke up and the dp was gone, it was like it all retreated into a thick black fog. I felt totally normal, totally myself, and like the dp never happened.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

even with all the weird thoughts about the world?


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

katiej said:


> even with all the weird thoughts about the world?


That goes away. Totally gone.

You are going to have to learn to not give any of those thoughts any credit. My existential thoughts tortured me when my dp was bad. It got to the point that I had to start telling myself "Shut the f*ck up. No one cares what you think. You're being stupid". I know it sounds weird but those thoughts really are pointless. The facts of life are that we are alive, we are real (even when we don't feel real), the world is as it is, the universe works the way it does. Why? JUST BECAUSE IT DOES. We will never have answers to all of oir questions and to sit and obsess about the "what ifs" only does 3 thing; it exhausts us mentally, it keeps us locked in an endless cycle of anxiety, and it prevents recovery. So my advice to you is to get tough with yourself. It's a big principal of cbt. You are stressing yourself the heck out over something that's totally pointless. Dp changes the amount of blood flow in various areas of the brain. This causea FALSE SENSATIONS. They are lies. I used be terrified because I felt like I was going to disappear. Like if I closed my eyes I would just vanish. And I see now how freaking stupid that entire idea is. I mean, seriously?? What human has ever just up and vanished. Like sitting there eating a sandwhich and then *poof* gone. You know the answer? NONE. No human in all of history has ever just disappeared. And me being terrified of that, panicking and freaking out, was a completely freaking stupid waste of my time and energy. 
The key to recovery is to make your world as small and simple as possible. You need to have a "just get through today" mentality. The concerns of today should be to bathe, to eat, to get dressed, to live as normal as possible, to relax and to sleep at night. That should be your only concern. You have to retrain your brain in the way it thinks and obsesses. Refuse to allow yourself to even entertain those thoughts. Tell yourself to shut up and then focus on something else. That's how I broke the existential obsessive thought pattern and I'm like 98% recovered now.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

thats great valley thank you very much... right now im a bit of a mess.. ive been rollin round my bed crying my eyes out.. there is obviously alot of pain there.. but all that comes into my head is existential thoughts... i think how the hell am i here.. am i really. why me.. how did i get here.. and i could go on and on.... i feel trapped as me and that causes such a rush of panic... my huge fear is that i cannot get over this now that i have thoughts this way.... life feels weird and i feel like i should be terrified of my existence.... the fact that i can see scares me.. (crazy i know)... but its like i feel trapped and forced to live... i feel like i just arrived here and that it all makes no sense... or it feels like its all real but i dunno how i got in it... i can even explain the confusion i feel.... im having this every few months now.. so its coming in setbaks.... i weaned down on my ssri so i think that might have brought on the sadness along with alot of relationship issues and fights with my friends this week.... so there are reasons for this setbak... its crazy tho. its like i forget that i feel normal for a few weeks even months.... when i am back in this.. it just feels like i was never out of it... i cannot think how normal would feel.. and i feel like this could never be normal.... im way to self aware and terrified of my mind... i feel like weird to even have one.... i guess what im askin .. is this all dp...a nd can life feel normal to me again.... i feel like nothing should exist.. and thats just weird,... i want so much to feel the way humans should feel.... yes its okay to question.. but to the point where im scared of my surroundings.. and wondering how my brain works etc.. like wtf. and i think what are the chances that i was born... how am i here... i jsut wanna stop askin those questions.. and to feel like me again.... jsut lookin for some advice i guess.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

katiej said:


> thats great valley thank you very much... right now im a bit of a mess.. ive been rollin round my bed crying my eyes out.. there is obviously alot of pain there.. but all that comes into my head is existential thoughts... i think how the hell am i here.. am i really. why me.. how did i get here.. and i could go on and on.... i feel trapped as me and that causes such a rush of panic... my huge fear is that i cannot get over this now that i have thoughts this way.... life feels weird and i feel like i should be terrified of my existence.... the fact that i can see scares me.. (crazy i know)... but its like i feel trapped and forced to live... i feel like i just arrived here and that it all makes no sense... or it feels like its all real but i dunno how i got in it... i can even explain the confusion i feel.... im having this every few months now.. so its coming in setbaks.... i weaned down on my ssri so i think that might have brought on the sadness along with alot of relationship issues and fights with my friends this week.... so there are reasons for this setbak... its crazy tho. its like i forget that i feel normal for a few weeks even months.... when i am back in this.. it just feels like i was never out of it... i cannot think how normal would feel.. and i feel like this could never be normal.... im way to self aware and terrified of my mind... i feel like weird to even have one.... i guess what im askin .. is this all dp...a nd can life feel normal to me again.... i feel like nothing should exist.. and thats just weird,... i want so much to feel the way humans should feel.... yes its okay to question.. but to the point where im scared of my surroundings.. and wondering how my brain works etc.. like wtf. and i think what are the chances that i was born... how am i here... i jsut wanna stop askin those questions.. and to feel like me again.... jsut lookin for some advice i guess.


Everything you are feeling is absolutely normal dp stuff. I know it sucks and I understand how you feel. I was exactly the same way for a long time.
Like I said to you, you need to realize that what you are feeling is not the truth. It's sort of the opposite of normal existence because, when our brain chemistry is normal, we rely on our bodies to tell us things. Like to sense danger or when we are sick. The thing is that dp changes all of that. I highly recommend you read Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder by Fugen Neziroglu. It goes into a lot of detail about the change in blood flow in the brain that happens with dp and how those changes cause the symptoms and sensations we have.
When it comes down to it, all any thoughts or feelings are, are electrical signals being sent through synapses in the brain. That's all they are. Data passing from one point to another. Just like computers, if there's a short or the wiring gets messed up, the signals cannot reach their destination. Well, dp causes a lot of issues with what is being sent and how. I don't have the book with me right now but, basically, dp causes certain areas of the brain to have too much or too little blood flow. It's like too much and too little electric current passing into a computer. If you overwhelm the circuits they blow out. If you don't provide enough power, they can't run. Your brain isn't going to burn out but all of this is causing it to not function properly.
So all of the fears of being unreal, feeling like you don't know how you got here, etc are not real or accurate information. It's the synapses in your brain misfiring. To make it really simple, your brain is lying to you. And you believe it because humans are wired to trust their ferlings. It's a basic engrained survival instinct. But when you have dp, you have to stop believing what your brain tells you. It's a big fat liar.
So my advice to you is just to stop. I know you are having scary thoughts and feelings and those are distressing you. Stop believing them. Stop obsessing about them. Stop even thinking about them. I know how hard that is. I was in the state you are in for about 8 months straight. I would spend all day everyday in bed freaking out. Going "I don't know who I am. I don't know where I am. I feel like and alien/ghost, if I shut my eyes I will vanish, how do I know I'm not dead?", etc. All day it was like a broken record in my head. It played over and over and I would fight it and freak out and have panic attacks. I was in a living hell. It took me realizing that I had the power in my own mind to stop it for me to start recovering. Even if it doesn't feel like it, you have the power to change how you feel. No one else can do this for you. Only you can heal your own mind. But you have to decide that's something you want and then do the work to change.
As I said, you have to retrain the way your brain thinks. When one of those thoughts creeps in, instead of running with it and freaking yourself out, say to yourself STOP. Say "Dp you're a liar. I refuse to believe you" and then focus on something else like a book, a movie, a craft, etc. Finding anything to bring your focus from internal to external. From inside yourself to outside yourself. Something that helped me a lot was to sit in a busy place and watch people pass. I would listen to their conversations, see them interacting, just focus on the world outside of myself and it would make me feel more human. I would also be like "wow I forgot about dp for two minutes" and that grew until I honestly don't even thinking about it or notice it on a daily basis anymore. Weeks will go by without me even thinking about it.

I really hope that you take this advice. Get the book and read it. It has a lot of invaluable behavior modification techniques in it that will change your life. Only you have the power to recover. You have to make the choice to stay in the state you are in or to do something to get better.


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## RenZimE (Feb 10, 2010)

Existential thoughts are a natural part of the human experience. We question all there is to be questioned and this can extend from the weird and wonderful to the dark and scary. Now anyone worth their salt knows that DP/DR can result in worsening the existential concepts and our brains method of coping with the lack of answer. I too used to suffer badly from existential thoughts but truth be told the only way I got past them was to understand and genuinely believe that no-one on this world knows the answers to those questions.... And more to the point, despite not knowing the answers, these same people have undoubtably considered these very same things we're thinking, not recieved said answers, yet still continued to live a full and happy life.

It was knowing this alone that made me realise that although thinking on these existential concepts may be scary at the best of times.. that it was futile to ruminate for an answer and that any energy spent doing so was nothing short of wasted.

You will get past this, I promise you. No matter how dark the tunnel may get, you will eventually reach the other side completely unscathed... and a stronger person for it


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

RenZimE said:


> Existential thoughts are a natural part of the human experience. We question all there is to be questioned and this can extend from the weird and wonderful to the dark and scary. Now anyone worth their salt knows that DP/DR can result in worsening the existential concepts and our brains method of coping with the lack of answer. I too used to suffer badly from existential thoughts but truth be told the only way I got past them was to understand and genuinely believe that no-one on this world knows the answers to those questions.... And more to the point, despite not knowing the answers, these same people have undoubtably considered these very same things we're thinking, not recieved said answers, yet still continued to live a full and happy life.
> 
> It was knowing this alone that made me realise that although thinking on these existential concepts may be scary at the best of times.. that it was futile to ruminate for an answer and that any energy spent doing so was nothing short of wasted.
> 
> You will get past this, I promise you. No matter how dark the tunnel may get, you will eventually reach the other side completely unscathed... and a stronger person for it


I just have to say that I absolutely love what you've said here.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

thank you both... but i never had these existential thoughts before dp.. ever... death always scared me.. just like everyone else.... but this is a whole other case.. my god the pain i am in.. a few weeks ago i was fine... life made sense and i felt i belonged here. 
now with bad anxiety and sad feelings its back with a bang.. and its like it never left... i dunno how i could ever feel safe in reality again... i think about thinking.. i think reality should not exist at all.. i dont feel like a person and its almost like i dont wanna be anywhere... i feel trapped in my brain. and its like im trying to outsmart my own head.. which i cant... did any of u feel that nothing should exist? i feel i exist.. bit i dunno how what where and why... but i suppose when i am not anxious or scared.. i dont really care!?


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

katiej said:


> thank you both... but i never had these existential thoughts before dp.. ever... death always scared me.. just like everyone else.... but this is a whole other case.. my god the pain i am in.. a few weeks ago i was fine... life made sense and i felt i belonged here.
> now with bad anxiety and sad feelings its back with a bang.. and its like it never left... i dunno how i could ever feel safe in reality again... i think about thinking.. i think reality should not exist at all.. i dont feel like a person and its almost like i dont wanna be anywhere... i feel trapped in my brain. and its like im trying to outsmart my own head.. which i cant... did any of u feel that nothing should exist? i feel i exist.. bit i dunno how what where and why... but i suppose when i am not anxious or scared.. i dont really care!?


I didn't have those thoughts before dp either.

I honestly don't think it's relevant how any of us feel. The thoughts you are having are normal for depersonalization and you need to stop obsessing over them. They don't indicate that there is anything wrong with the universe or life or even you. Your brain is lying to you. Stop wasting your time and energy listening to it. Re read my last post and take my advice. You will never recover or feel safe unless you stop torturing yourself and stop being afraid of dp and it's lies.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

u are correct completely in what you say. i guess reality is just painful at the moment... did u feel trapped in ur head and like u wanted to not exist? did u wake up to a full panic in the morning? i keeo asking because a part of me things i can never feel safe... even tho i have gone months without it..this setbak feels like the worst.. it always does tho ...


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

katiej said:


> u are correct completely in what you say. i guess reality is just painful at the moment... did u feel trapped in ur head and like u wanted to not exist? did u wake up to a full panic in the morning? i keeo asking because a part of me things i can never feel safe... even tho i have gone months without it..this setbak feels like the worst.. it always does tho ...


Yes, I absolutely felt like that. But I do not anymore. I haven't for a very long time. This will pass and you will be ok again.


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## Fernoso716 (Oct 13, 2012)

katiej said:


> thank you both... but i never had these existential thoughts before dp.. ever... death always scared me.. just like everyone else.... but this is a whole other case.. my god the pain i am in.. a few weeks ago i was fine... life made sense and i felt i belonged here.
> now with bad anxiety and sad feelings its back with a bang.. and its like it never left... i dunno how i could ever feel safe in reality again... i think about thinking.. i think reality should not exist at all.. i dont feel like a person and its almost like i dont wanna be anywhere... i feel trapped in my brain. and its like im trying to outsmart my own head.. which i cant... did any of u feel that nothing should exist? i feel i exist.. bit i dunno how what where and why... but i suppose when i am not anxious or scared.. i dont really care!?


I understand. I wake up in the morning like do I feel like who I was yesterday ? Then it goes away and I try to go about my day but it's hard when your thinking about thinking. Why am I not the person next to me. Am I just a thought process ...and if so that only means I'm stuck n my brain..when I start thinking bout this I panic bother my whole day is fd up. I just feel even if my dp goes away I'm never gonna be the old me. But I am doing better then where I started a month ago. But I'm still just going with the moments.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

i have this horrible feeling that i cannot cope. and that i do not belong in reality. i feel like i dont understand things others do... everything feels wrong. i feel like i shouldnt be anywhere... in my head life seems like some sort of weird thing... instead of just normal reality..although i am no hazy and detacthed the way i used to be,. everything scares me and i feel like life is some sort of chore. i feel like everyone got the manual but me,.... is this still dissociation? i feel like jsut a product of my parents but not my own person,. feel scared because i will die some time. i feel like a ticking bomb. i wonder how my brain works and how i know anything and have accepted my reality all along... anxiety and panic shook my reality, and now painful feelings are doing this to me and i am running away in my mind again because feelings are too painful... i wonder if everything i see is really there. how i got here. right here in this moment. im afraid of seeing because it doesnt feel normal. i wonder when i became concious . my body seems weird. being anything at all is very weird. life and my surroundings seem eerie. do u think i can overcome all this... can life return to the way it used to . completely and fully.. to the point where it feels normal and safe to be alive,. sorry for all these questions/rant


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

katiej said:


> i have this horrible feeling that i cannot cope. and that i do not belong in reality. i feel like i dont understand things others do... everything feels wrong. i feel like i shouldnt be anywhere... in my head life seems like some sort of weird thing... instead of just normal reality..although i am no hazy and detacthed the way i used to be,. everything scares me and i feel like life is some sort of chore. i feel like everyone got the manual but me,.... is this still dissociation? i feel like jsut a product of my parents but not my own person,. feel scared because i will die some time. i feel like a ticking bomb. i wonder how my brain works and how i know anything and have accepted my reality all along... anxiety and panic shook my reality, and now painful feelings are doing this to me and i am running away in my mind again because feelings are too painful... i wonder if everything i see is really there. how i got here. right here in this moment. im afraid of seeing because it doesnt feel normal. i wonder when i became concious . my body seems weird. being anything at all is very weird. life and my surroundings seem eerie. do u think i can overcome all this... can life return to the way it used to . completely and fully.. to the point where it feels normal and safe to be alive,. sorry for all these questions/rant


Again, yes that is still normal dissociation. Those are all completely normal existential thoughts. Yes you absolutely can recover and feel normal again. These thoughts will go away and you will look back and laugh at how rediculous they were. I do. You just have to break the obsessive cycle you are in. Those thoughts are feeding your anxiety and fear, which is feeding your dp. Dp is a defense mechanism of the brain against stress or trauma. It will only turn off once it no longer senses the need to protect you from a threat. Those thoughts are like pouring gasoline on a fire. You're just feeding the flames and making the fire burn bigger and hotter. You have to stop doing this to yourself.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

yes i know i aM SABBOTAGING myself.. i feel i cannot help it... these thoughts seem valid... because they are unanswerable... but if i wasnt anxious i would feel safe here.... i feel like this is just me... because everyone who says they have dp talks about numb n dead etc.. i have come past all that.... now i just almost dont wanna be in reality.. i have my feelings bak.. no sense of self really.. i feel here.. but feel unable to cope.. and so many questions... about my conciousness and how i know things etc.... i guess i keep repeating myself because i think its just me not dissociation... maybe im scared of being alive.... i just dont get why randomly at 22 id fear being alive... only after lots of panic did i become afraid of life.


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

katiej said:


> yes i know i aM SABBOTAGING myself.. i feel i cannot help it... these thoughts seem valid... because they are unanswerable... but if i wasnt anxious i would feel safe here.... i feel like this is just me... because everyone who says they have dp talks about numb n dead etc.. i have come past all that.... now i just almost dont wanna be in reality.. i have my feelings bak.. no sense of self really.. i feel here.. but feel unable to cope.. and so many questions... about my conciousness and how i know things etc.... i guess i keep repeating myself because i think its just me not dissociation... maybe im scared of being alive.... i just dont get why randomly at 22 id fear being alive... only after lots of panic did i become afraid of life.


I have been told I am very hard on myself and that is what I see here. You have a serious disorder which a lot of people on this site do not appreciate. It is scary to know you are alive, to have such awareness. Even through years of working on relaxing I still don't truly relax even when I think I am. I feel like I have every feeling on the feelings page at any given moment. I am not feelingless but I don't have a sense of self either. I do enjoy some of life though every day and that is what I try to concentrate on. When I ask you to give yourself a break I guess I got to do that for me too. I went through long periods of fear about life but it went away all on it's own. It's like you can't live with panic forever and it seems to run a course. But that didn't mean I was cured and able to go back to work and act like anyone else. And like I said I still am a very anxious person. Blah. I hate it! Blood sugar, environmental toxins; there are so many contributing factors. So give yourself a break. Enjoy what ever you can. Mental illness is a bitch for anyone who has it. You don't walk alone.


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## hennessy (Apr 2, 2008)

lmnop said:


> i tell you quick about myself. had dp 6 years ago for 1.5 year (very very very bad). eventually i recovered. it felt like 100%. i did everything and enoyed life. i say "felt like 100%" because 4 months ago it came back. i started therapy now to try and understand what cause it. but yeah, when you dont have it, you just dont have it. (by the way im getting much much better and i hope this time it wont last as long as 1.5 year)


hope you got better (umarım düzelmişsindir)


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