# READ THIS AND NEVER COME BACK AGAIN



## Štěpán (Oct 6, 2016)

Hey mates,

first of all i want to apologize all those grammar nazis out there. I AM NOT NATIVE SPEAKER, so apologize for any inconvinience caused by my bad English :-*.

I was depersonalized for 3 years. It was mostly caused by anxiety disorder. Now *i am 100% cured*. And even more,* I feel stronger and happier, than ever before!*

Biggest battles are always inside, and i am veteran. And this thing, that we have in common... EXISTENCE PHOBIA is probably one of the biggest battles you will ever take.

*WE ARE WARRIORS, WE ARE SURVIVORS, WHO TAKES BATTLES, THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE CAN´T EVEN IMAGINE!!!*

LESS IMPORTANT STUFF:

1) I think, that i am 25 years young guy from Czech Republic.

2) I am lazy to wirte depersonalization/derealization so for the rest of this article I'll call it: IT.

3) My story in a shortcut:

I'll not tell you about my childhood. Some bad memories, some good (like everyone else)

I first met with IT when i smoked some weed you know. Too much of sample, that i did not know anything about. Too much THC causes you to panic and if there is like 0,01% of CBD than if you are like me (oversensitive shit, that lives in his head) than you are f*cked. It was bad, but i really did not care about IT so much, so after one week it dissapeared.

After 2 years, when i first visited my father in Illinois I ate some sht burger (hate American food... sorry... too many conservants, that are not even allowed in Europe). I got fainting - like state and i had my first panic attack. PANIC DISORDER guys. I got worse and worse. I was dying literally every one hour. I've also visited 6 flags...







and that was the final dot.

Once i woke up, everything was different. I had IT for 3,5 years

MORE IMPORTANT STUFF

1) Symptoms:

- Nothing is real

- Who is the person in the mirror?

- Expecting death every second

- My life is over

- Nobody understands me (I do )

- Wake up at night is like: WTF i have body and i will die - Subconsious mind is a powerfull one! Especially if you sleep.

- Every single type of cancer went through my body

- My local doctor hates me









- OCD

- I AM CRAZY

- EXISTENCIAL FAKIN THOUGHTS (i am god, what is god, I AM BUDDHA, I am enlightened and IT is just a part of it).... etc.









- I will update this list once i'll remember more









2) Small talk about IT

- I don't really care if u smoked too much of weed or u had panic disorder or whatever. Important thing is, that you acted like idiot towards yourself - YES YOU DID!!!

- Believe me..... IT is the best thing, that happend in your shtty life. It's like WAKE UP call.

- Your subconsious mind loves you, and you hurt it so bad and so constantly, that it locked you up (YOU STAY HERE, UNTILL YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME) - Yop... we have 10 000 years old brain, and subconsious mind is really REALLY old, but what is important, it want's only good for you.... it's part of you anyway.

EVEN MORE IMPORTANT STUFF:

1) NO MEDICAMENTS WILL HELP YOU

2) NO PSYCHOLOGIST OR PSYCHIATRIST WILL HELP YOU

3) NO FAKIN SHAMAN WILL HELP YOU

4) NO OTHER PEOPLE WILL HELP YOU

5) NO BOOKS WILL HELP YOU

6) ONLY YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF

7) YES, YOU WILL DIE - everyone will (YOUR: mother, father, sister, brother, grandma, grandpa, your future kids, grandchildren, your dogs, your cats, your marihuana plant will also die one day







... bad i know

You know, that most natural thing in life is DEATH? It's absolutely fine to die







Accept it and GROW UP!!! Only if you let go, than you can be truly happy.

I am hardcore gamer, so i will post here quote from HELLBLADE: SENUA'S SACRIFICE:

"I learnt the hard way, to not be afraid of death, Senua. Because a life without loss is one without love. Turn your back on death and you only see the shadow that it casts. The longer you hide from it, the longer the shadow grows, until all you can see is darkness. When our time comes, we must look death in the eye and embrace it as a friend. Only then can we let go fear, and emerge from our darkness."

STUFF, THAT'LL HELP YOU

1) Live in a present moment (try search Eckhart tolle books - only books, that helps you to help yourself)

2) MEDITATE (Book: Dean Sluyter - Natural meditation) This one i s a GEM!

3) Work out - here in Czech Republic we say In healthy body, healthy soul. AND IT'S TRUE.

4) Less meat, more vegetable, fruits and minerals. I am sure you'll find something for healthy diet







.

5) Leave your safezone (bed for me) and live

6) See through your heart, not your eyes

One more quote from SENUA







....

*Never forget what it is like to see the world as a child, Senua: where every autumn leaf is a work of art; every rolling cloud, a moving picture; every day a new story. We too emerge from this magic, like a wave from the ocean, only to return back to the sea. Do not mourn the waves, the leaves and the clouds. Because even in darkness the wonder and beauty of the world never leaves. It's always there, just waiting to be seen again.*

It'll pass... trust me guys. I went through every stage of IT. IT is still here and always will be. It's my friend, who taught me, how to live live full of love, compassion, joy and happines and most importly.. ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS. We will be dust in a while, so why stress about some stuff.

It takes time OFC.... nothing like this happended over night, so you must cure youself... You know what? IT IS YOUR DUTY TO CURE YOURSELF!!

If you have any questions, write me on e-mail: [email protected]

I love you all with my heart and bless your souls <3

Here's a song for you






Wish you all good

Štěpán


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

So books by Eckhart Tolle and Dean Sluyter?

I thought you said no books will help you?


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## Štěpán (Oct 6, 2016)

,, Books, that will help you, to help yourself'' No book will cure IT. Only you can


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## yoloking123 (Jul 6, 2016)

Are you saying you still have DP and just accepted it or you fully recovered. Because you did say IT is still here and always will be.


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## Štěpán (Oct 6, 2016)

Don´t get it wrong buddy. Once you master your mind and body to the point you can face your biggest fears, than you can simply switch IT off. IT will stay like switched off radio in your room. You live your live more happily, than ever before, but you know, that there is that radio, that you have in controll  It´s like a memory of how deep i was and how desperate and hopeless i was. Reminds me to smile every morning and enjoy life in every aspect.


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## brightmorningstar (Jun 8, 2018)

Mastering your mind and body is not in the capability of everyone that is why all people suffering on these forums, and don't make a mistake that when you think you've mastered it, it will slap you on the other cheek. Meditation, specially mindfulness ,detachment etc. is the most aggravating practice to DP/DR and dissociation, it is not helpful at all. Secondly, in order to people to have think clearly, they need to eliminate the fog, without fog, they can't control shit, this stuff is not easy and corny as you write here. I am a sincere believer in the mind and body control, but there needs to be a solid foundation of attitudes and belief systems, because think of it like a castle, you can get attacked from any part of the castle and you gotta keep ready your values to defend your castle. Third, emotion is the ultimate source of power, once you get the emotional connection to your salvation, then you're on the road to healing, like your emotional motivation to heal, you need to fuel and ignite that shit up everyday, and that requires will power and a resilience mindset. That is a hard job. Not enough people are able to do it, some people have it better some people have it worse in DP/DR wise. It's all in the head but the head is foggy and tired and it is dying by stress and disconnection, so it is not easy like switch on and off because the button is broken and it is fucking swirling. It's a day by day job. Step by step thing. Body needs to go to homoestasis to heal, and that is not a fucking easy job, it requires you do not get angry, irritated or secrete cortisol more than normal amounts. That is a hard job my friend. As I always say, love is the solution to everything but even that with foggy mind and numb body, it is hard. But can be done.


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## Štěpán (Oct 6, 2016)

First, mastering mind and body can´t do everyone. I totally agree with that. BUT mabye more important than this suffering, is asking Why am I suffering. Everyone here on these forums crying and seeking for help. They are searching for someone, who/what will solve their problem, so they don´t have to take responsibility and do it for themselves. They do it all the time. Go to the psychologist, psychiatrist, search for magic pill or injection, that will cure it for them. (You can see, that most visited topics are about pills review and ,,Injection, that will lower your anxiety´´) We do it all the time. When we get sick, we go to buy pills, that will heal us instead of take some effort and heal ourselves. I was doing the same shit veryday.... That´s just bullsht.. But it is maybe only my opinion.

I was i that position and reazon, why I was like this for 3 years was, because i was LAZY and it was comfortable for me to stay like this. Hold on DP/DR was better, that take responsibility, heal myself and grow up.

Secondly, no offens, but I don´t think, that you are in position, when you can say about mastering my own mind. You know, how many love and energy i´ve put in mastering my mind and body? Or how much hours i´ve spent meditating? I don´t think so. I´ve accepted death in every aspect. I let go of my life, so I can live it again. I feel stronger than ever before and I am able to live life in love and compassion even at the hardest times.

Third. I was describing my own story. Meditation was the best thing happended to my life. If you say, that meditation doesn´t help at all, or maybe worse... can worsen your state, than I am pretty sure you are doing something wrong. There are million types of meditation, detachement meditation is not so ok for people with DP/DR I totally agree, but i don´t think, that i´ve mentioned this one in my post. Minfulness, present moment and love oriented meditations are lifesavers for me. Meditation helped me to find a way back to my heart and fulfill my life with love.

Fourth Totally agree, that emotions are the big one in process of healing. Blocked emotion are main cause of DP/DR. Smoking weed or anxiety disorder is just a starter 

Fifth The switch is there always. But most of the time we are not able to see it trough mind fog and thoughts. When we learn not to get distracted (I know, that for people with Dp/DR is it much more harder... I was in this state 3,5 years ), than it´s easier to find that switch.

As you say... love is the answer my friend


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## Amad (Oct 2, 2018)

Hei!


When you had DPDR could you recognize yourself in a mirror, pictures and videos?
When you had DPDR did you have a picture in your head as how you face looked like?
When you had DPDR did you have an identity?
When you recovered from DPDR can you now recognize yourself in the mirror, pictures and videos?
When you recovered from DPDR do you now have a picture in your head as how you face looks like?
When you recovered from DPDR do you have an identity?



Štěpán said:


> Hey mates,
> 
> first of all i want to apologize all those grammar nazis out there. I AM NOT NATIVE SPEAKER, so apologize for any inconvinience caused by my bad English :-*.
> 
> ...


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## bintuae (Jan 17, 2017)

Easier said than done. Meditation actually makes my dp/dr a lot worse.


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## Štěpán (Oct 6, 2016)

Yeah, if you are meditatin on self and detachment, than it will be worse. Read that book from Mr. Sluyter.

Meditation, that helped me the most was meditation on love and compassion.

Wish you all good.


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