# Anyone recover from loss of visualization and inner voice?



## Sofa (9 mo ago)

I cant visualize anything anymore. Over the past four weeks my ability has disappeared. I have also lost my inner monologue. If i want to hear my thoughts i have to physically talk out loud.

I also struggle with total loss of emotions!

Anyone have this and recover?


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

Sofa said:


> I cant visualize anything anymore. Over the past four weeks my ability has disappeared. I have also lost my inner monologue. If i want to hear my thoughts i have to physically talk out loud.
> 
> I also struggle with total loss of emotions!
> 
> Anyone have this and recover?


well a real blank mind is, if you dont even have thoughts you could speak out loud. yours is just an obsessive self control where you try to experience something as you was used to it.


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

leminaseri said:


> well a real blank mind is, if you dont even have thoughts you could speak out loud. yours is just an obsessive self control where you try to experience something as you was used to it.


what do you mean? I never said my mind is blank, i just said i cant hear my innervoice and i cant visualize


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

Sofa said:


> what do you mean? I never said my mind is blank, i just said i cant hear my innervoice and i cant visualize


here is the big problem. many people who got this believe their mind is blank. you are totally fine, there is nothing to recover from. you got dpdr and your brain is massively under stress and overdrive. 

at my onset i had the same worries. with time i realized that i just tried to play a vivid voice in my head what has to be as loud as a physical voice. later on i just knew that i have still my inner voice but it was never as loud as i believed it to be. when you were healthy you never ever checked your inner voice and evaluated if its loud or vivid or what else ever.


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

leminaseri said:


> here is the big problem. many people who got this believe their mind is blank. you are totally fine, there is nothing to recover from. you got dpdr and your brain is massively under stress and overdrive.
> 
> at my onset i had the same worries. with time i realized that i just tried to play a vivid voice in my head what has to be as loud as a physical voice. later on i just knew that i have still my inner voice but it was never as loud as i believed it to be. when you were healthy you never ever checked your inner voice and evaluated if its loud or vivid or what else ever.


but my inner voice is actually not there. I try to talk to myself in my head! I try to scream in my head, but i just cant do it
I cant force my inner voice


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

Sofa said:


> but my inner voice is actually not there. I try to talk to myself in my head! I try to scream in my head, but i just cant do it
> I cant force my inner voice


no one can scream with his inner voice. youre trying something, you never tried when you was healthy. therefore you just believe its different

where come the thoughts from you can speak out loudly?


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

leminaseri said:


> no one can scream with his inner voice. youre trying something, you never tried when you was healthy. therefore you just believe its different
> 
> where come the thoughts from you can speak out loudly?


i notice that there is a difference. I cant hear songs, i Play then in my head, but they are so faint and low i can barely hear them! The same with my own voice. Its so faint and low, and this has happened over a few days


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

Both times i experienced depersonalization i struggled with these feelings, the first time i had more prominent derealization and the second time i mostly had depersonalization. I have experienced both the feelings of blank mind and the emotional numbness you described in your post. And yes, all of these feelings go away when you start to recover but it is a very gradual process. 

Marduk


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

marduk said:


> Both times i experienced depersonalization i struggled with these feelings, the first time i had more prominent derealization and the second time i mostly had depersonalization. I have experienced both the feelings of blank mind and the emotional numbness you described in your post. And yes, all of these feelings go away when you start to recover but it is a very gradual process.
> 
> Marduk


Did you also experience losing your inner voice? I try to use it, but its just gone, and those few times a can hear it, its so low and faint i really struggle to even hear it. When i read i cant hear the words. I cant even force it at this point


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

Sofa said:


> Did you also experience losing your inner voice? I try to use it, but its just gone, and those few times a can hear it, its so low and faint i really struggle to even hear it. When i read i cant hear the words. I cant even force it at this point


if you are refering to the sensation of mind emptyness and inability to think clearly. Yes i experienced it but havent for a while now.


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

marduk said:


> if you are refering to the sensation of mind emptyness and inability to think clearly. Yes i experienced it but havent for a while now.


point is she or he doesnt mean that. i know exactly what she does mean and it is very normal in a state of high anxiety


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

Sofa said:


> i notice that there is a difference. I cant hear songs, i Play then in my head, but they are so faint and low i can barely hear them! The same with my own voice. Its so faint and low, and this has happened over a few days


the same happened to me and i realized after a few months that my inner voice was the whole time, priorly to my onset of dpdr as well the same. youre just panicking and you are obsessed with your inner voice now. your anxiety seeks for food. normal healthy people never care about their inner voice. interesting is, not everybody has an inner voice. some people doesnt have that and they feel 100% normal and they arent ill. same is for aphantasia. but again. in a state of high anxiety those things are the latter things you should worry about.


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

leminaseri said:


> point is she or he doesnt mean that. i know exactly what she does mean and it is very normal in a state of high anxiety


No worries! The problem with dp/dr symptoms are that they are so subjective and people also tend to describe them in a different way, if they werent refering to the sense of blank mindness/ loss of inner monologue then i simply misunderstod the question. But i do agree that states of high anxiety can bring forth all manners of weird sensations and obessions that are hard to believe are even related to anxiety while you experience them.


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

marduk said:


> if you are refering to the sensation of mind emptyness and inability to think clearly. Yes i experienced it but havent for a while now.


How Did you manage to get back to normal? I miss my inner monologue and visualization


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

leminaseri said:


> the same happened to me and i realized after a few months that my inner voice was the whole time, priorly to my onset of dpdr as well the same. youre just panicking and you are obsessed with your inner voice now. your anxiety seeks for food. normal healthy people never care about their inner voice. interesting is, not everybody has an inner voice. some people doesnt have that and they feel 100% normal and they arent ill. same is for aphantasia. but again. in a state of high anxiety those things are the latter things you should worry about.


But How can i physically experience that it changes? Like over the last few days i have physically experienced my inner voice becoming more faint, lower and distant. Now i can barely hear it at all, and i cant force it to be louder

How can i get it back How it was?
I have also lost the ability to visualize!


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

High anxiety is like a thought blocker. Plus as you’re seeking something that used to be there when you weren’t seeking... it kinda means that “getting back” your inner monologue won’t be achieved by asking how or finding a path to it.


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

Sofa said:


> How Did you manage to get back to normal? I miss my inner monologue and visualization


I am afraid that i really dont have anything very new or original to answer, leminaseri had some good point in his previous posts. The most important thing for me was to lower my anxiety and quit obsessing about the symptoms. Ironically the constant self analysis is a big upholder of the symptoms for many people, thats where acceptance comes in. The first time i had dp/dr i suffered for over five years because i constantly tried to find a solution and was seeking reassurance that it can go away, and i was also seeing my symptoms as a threat and reacted to them with_ Anxiety and desperation. Once i let go and started to see dp/dr as a coping mechanism for stress rather than brain damage i accepted it and let go of the obsession then gradually the symptoms vanished. The second time i got dp/dr after a period of heavy anxiety it only lasted a few months because i saw the symptoms for what they were and didnt resist them at all. One hint i could give you is that you should try to observe the thoughts that keep you in the loop and also to observe fluctuations in symptoms. I hope this was even a little helpfull for you. 

Marduk _


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> High anxiety is like a thought blocker. Plus as you’re seeking something that used to be there when you weren’t seeking... it kinda means that “getting back” your inner monologue won’t be achieved by asking how or finding a path to it.


Is the best way to get it back to just ignore it? And then Maybe it will come back on its own?


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Sofa said:


> Is the best way to get it back to just ignore it? And then Maybe it will come back on its own?


That depends on if you’re actually ignoring it (no checking and evaluating) because you can try ignore it yet still be aware of it, like it’s a problem. There isn’t actually a problem. Once you make it a problem you are caught in finding the solution


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> That depends on if you’re actually ignoring it (no checking and evaluating) because you can try ignore it yet still be aware of it, like it’s a problem. There isn’t actually a problem. Once you make it a problem you are caught in finding the solution


Problem is i talk to myself all the time in the head normally, its just a reflex. So i just notice all the time that it is gone when i try to do that

is it also normal to have no spontanious thoughts and that your head feels empty? I also Feel really stupid


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Sofa said:


> Problem is i talk to myself all the time in the head normally, its just a reflex. So i just notice all the time that it is gone when i try to do that
> 
> is it also normal to have no spontanious thoughts and that your head feels empty? I also Feel really stupid


I know what you mean. It feels like your thoughts are being sucked up in a vacuum. Trust me, it is normal with depersonalization. I feel stupid a lot too. Can’t think of thoughts and stuff. Yup


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> I know what you mean. It feels like your thoughts are being sucked up in a vacuum. Trust me, it is normal with depersonalization. I feel stupid a lot too. Can’t think of thoughts and stuff. Yup


How can this get better? How can i get my inner voice back?


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Sofa said:


> How can this get better? How can i get my inner voice back?


Ok, try this thought experiment.
Just for a few moments at a time, try “end” the chattering. I know you said you have no inner monologue, but im betting there is still mind chatter, even if it feels like it’s invisible to you and your brain. If it feels like a never ending cycle that you are in, then take what I’m saying very seriously. There needs to be less thought and evaluation based on self analysis


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> Ok, try this thought experiment.
> Just for a few moments at a time, try “end” the chattering. I know you said you have no inner monologue, but im betting there is still mind chatter, even if it feels like it’s invisible to you and your brain. If it feels like a never ending cycle that you are in, then take what I’m saying very seriously. There needs to be less thought and evaluation based on self analysis


I can hear some chatter, but the problem is that the volume itself is lower. The volume of my inner voice is so low i struggle to hear it.
I want to turn up the volume, but i dont know how


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Sofa said:


> I can hear some chatter, but the problem is that the volume itself is lower. The volume of my inner voice is so low i struggle to hear it.
> I want to turn up the volume, but i dont know how


Yes yes, I understand. I do struggle with this too, and I mean that. Infact I’m kinda right there with you. So if you want to turn the volume up and you just can’t- then you are fighting an awareness. You are resisting an awareness in your mind when the challenge arises. A part of the reason the volume is down is because you are aware of the possibility of it being down. Think of it as being “pushed down” So then, there should be no division in your mind from what is and what should be. Let what is become what should be


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Its not easy to do, so please don’t become frustrated. Remember I’m in the same boat we are enquiring together


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Sofa said:


> I can hear some chatter, but the problem is that the volume itself is lower. The volume of my inner voice is so low i struggle to hear it.
> I want to turn up the volume, but i dont know how


Try to look at the awareness of the volume. Like, can you understand where the volume will come from?


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> Yes yes, I understand. I do struggle with this too, and I mean that. Infact I’m kinda right there with you. So if you want to turn the volume up and you just can’t- then you are fighting an awareness. You are resisting an awareness in your mind when the challenge arises. A part of the reason the volume is down is because you are aware of the possibility of it being down. Think of it as being “pushed down” So then, there should be no division in your mind from what is and what should be. Let what is become what should be


i am sorry, i am not sure i understand.

what exactly should i do to turn the volume up?


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> Try to look at the awareness of the volume. Like, can you understand where the volume will come from?


Sorry, i Feel stupid now, but i dont understand what you mean


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Sofa said:


> Sorry, i Feel stupid now, but i dont understand what you mean


Dont feel stupid. There is some confusion in you because you have a problem that you are seeking to fix. I think you are trying so hard to “visualize” something in your mind that it is taking away from the voice just being there naturally. Try to find out what it means for the volume to be there


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## Sofa (9 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> Dont feel stupid. There is some confusion in you because you have a problem that you are seeking to fix. I think you are trying so hard to “visualize” something in your mind that it is taking away from the voice just being there naturally. Try to find out what it means for the volume to be there


So what you mean is that i should not try to force it to become louder, but just let it be what it is now, and then it will rise in volume on its own?

is that what you Did to get the voice back to its former volume?


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Sofa said:


> So what you mean is that i should not try to force it to become louder, but just let it be what it is now, and then it will rise in volume on its own?
> 
> is that what you Did to get the voice back to its former volume?


Kinda.
See, you’re asking how you can control your own mind. But by asking “how” you are in disorder. Authority does not bring about change


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

coolwhip27 said:


> Kinda.
> See, you’re asking how you can control your own mind. But by asking “how” you are in disorder. Authority does not bring about change


I agree very much, it was the same for me for many symptoms. For a long time I tried to fight symptoms individually and it only put me in weird states and I don't think it really helped me except for brief bursts that only gave me false hope or impressions of control that ultimately backfired, so actually it never helped for real. I have never had blank mind as a part of DPDR, but I have tried to fight symptoms like my impression of being cut away from the atmosphere in the room, or trying to remove that kind of tainted glass that was between me and the world, I had made up my own perception exercises to work on these things and I had put a lot of (too much) energy into it. But I agree, for me this was fed by the impression that my mind would eventually be able to control these things, like my "over" thinking would ultimately be what would protect me from different things in the world. And ironically I used that thinking/control thing to try to protect me from the symptoms of DPDR, which were probably at least partially caused by that very way of thinking, although I suppose it could be more complicated than that too.


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Trith said:


> I agree very much, it was the same for me for many symptoms. For a long time I tried to fight symptoms individually and it only put me in weird states and I don't think it really helped me except for brief bursts that only gave me false hope or impressions of control that ultimately backfired, so actually it never helped for real. I have never had blank mind as a part of DPDR, but I have tried to fight symptoms like my impression of being cut away from the atmosphere in the room, or trying to remove that kind of tainted glass that was between me and the world, I had made up my own perception exercises to work on these things and I had put a lot of (too much) energy into it. But I agree, for me this was fed by the impression that my mind would eventually be able to control these things, like my "over" thinking would ultimately be what would protect me from different things in the world. And ironically I used that thinking/control thing to try to protect me from the symptoms of DPDR, which were probably at least partially caused by that very way of thinking, although I suppose it could be more complicated than that too.


Yes. Once control or the possibility of control comes into the picture, then there is a decision to be made. A path to pick. And with that there is uncertainty on “which way to go”. But looking at it as a matter of having no control as an idea is not the same as having no control. By having no control I mean having no preconceived idea of the “goal”, which is a projection of thought into what should be (in the future). Change happens now or never, as an existential fact. People are confused because they think something has to happen within time. I don’t mean time in a literal sense, but as a movement in the mind


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

coolwhip27 said:


> Yes. Once control or the possibility of control comes into the picture, then there is a decision to be made. A path to pick. And with that there is uncertainty on “which way to go”. But looking at it as a matter of having no control as an idea is not the same as having no control. By having no control I mean having no preconceived idea of the “goal”, which is a projection of thought into what should be (in the future). Change happens now or never, as an existential fact. People are confused because they think something has to happen within time. I don’t mean time in a literal sense, but as a movement in the mind


I'm not sure I get it, but I agree that "trying to let go", or "trying to accept not having control", can paradoxically also become just a trick to gain control in a certain sense, if this is what you mean.


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Trith said:


> I'm not sure I get it, but I agree that "trying to let go", or "trying to accept not having control", can paradoxically also become just a trick to gain control in a certain sense, if this is what you mean.


I don’t think it would give any real sense of anything but more confusion. If you are “trying to let go” do you know what you are letting go of? If it is letting go of control then is there an expected result at the end of the ritual? Or method? 
edit: I’ll try explain a little better.
First, you see yourself as not having something that you want. Say it is your thoughts that aren’t good enough
So, you identified a problem and now seek a solution. You find that you need to “let go”. So you do whatever that means to you. Sitting in a position and doing deep breathing exercises, or doing a ritual in your mind. All of it implies effort. You will have setup a ritual where the idea becomes the solution. Where there is a time interval between what is and what should be. You projected a goal into the future when change happens only right now. This means there has to be movement with no awareness of it


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## C8H11NO3 (Sep 13, 2021)

Sofa said:


> I cant visualize anything anymore. Over the past four weeks my ability has disappeared. I have also lost my inner monologue. If i want to hear my thoughts i have to physically talk out loud.
> 
> I also struggle with total loss of emotions!
> 
> Anyone have this and recover?


I’m a graphic designer (or was) so i totally know what you mean about loss of visualization. The good news: it has come back for me on occasion. Just yesterday i was asked how to spell a word and I visualized it in my head to see if the word “looked right” before spelling it out loud. 

It seems so small but i haven’t been able to do that at will for years now. (I started doing daily chess puzzles and wordle and it seems to be helping me.)


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## blankxi (Dec 11, 2020)

leminaseri said:


> well a real blank mind is, if you dont even have thoughts you could speak out loud. yours is just an obsessive self control where you try to experience something as you was used to it.


you and that coolwhip27 guy seem to be obsessed with blank mind sufferers and telling them their experience isn’t real. I’ve seen you on almost every post telling people it’s all in their head blah blah blah. What’s your point? what’s your end goal, seriously. 

Just say “i don’t know what blank mind is” and move on. Save your insidious pseudo-intellectual “advice” and get a hobby instead of obsessively trying to invalidate ppl just cause you’re bored and miserable. The ppl who experience it know exactly what he/she’s talking about.


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## ajajr (11 mo ago)

How long have you had blank mind? @blankxi


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