# Curious...how would you rate your level of consciousness?



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

For me mine is absolutely near death levels. There isn’t much there before I am just completely dead. Where my head should be, if feels like maybe a balloon? I know nothing. I can’t think for myself. I have no idea who I am or what life is. Like how is this helpful? I really am on the verge of the end. There is no one to fight anymore.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

My level of consciousness is horrible too, but I don't experience it quite the same way. Mostly my mind is distracted and distant almost 100% of the time, so I've lost sense of the daily comings and goings of life because I can't ever seem to concentrate. I don't retain things very well at all, and I don't seem to have a periphery anymore, where I can pick up random bits of information that are on the fringes of what I can observe. Basically what I have feels like the polar opposite of mindfulness in that my brain always feels like it's just up and left, gone on a permanent vacation. Combined with my constant spaciness it has created a floaty dream world that I now live in 24/7. I have days where I wonder if I'm actually dead and living in the spirit world. Everything is a blur, and because DPDR makes me feel physically unbalanced, I feel doubly out of it.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Chicane said:


> My level of consciousness is horrible too, but I don't experience it quite the same way. Mostly my mind is distracted and distant almost 100% of the time, so I've lost sense of the daily comings and goings of life because I can't ever seem to concentrate. I don't retain things very well at all, and I don't seem to have a periphery anymore, where I can pick up random bits of information that are on the fringes of what I can observe. Basically what I have feels like the polar opposite of mindfulness in that my brain always feels like it's just up and left, gone on a permanent vacation. Combined with my constant spaciness it has created a floaty dream world that I now live in 24/7. I have days where I wonder if I'm actually dead and living in the spirit world. Everything is a blur, and because DPDR makes me feel physically unbalanced, I feel doubly out of it.


Do you have any train of thought at all? My body is barely able to do things tbh. I mean it does things but it's not me doing them. My consciousness is not with me or anywhere near me. It's as if I have died and yes, I am already in the spirit world. I used to have awareness, now I have nothing at all. I don't even think I am here. I am surprised people can see me at all. I don't know what to do. Did our brains just turn off??


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## Thisisnotlife (Oct 20, 2017)

Yes. I can agree with you 100%. 
Still i can do things.. speak, write... etc
but here is no me anymore. only empty place.
All life inside gone.
I'm waiting next life.


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## Marisa (Aug 28, 2017)

I feel like I'm going to lose any shred of consciousness I have at any moment.


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

Really Marisa?


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Good post, but i suspect it'll be flooded with aggressive motivational quotes not applicable to the cognitively impaired like us rather swiftly, so i'll just shoot you a PM instead.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

I can totally relate to Chicane on this one...

The term "Dreamchild" comes to mind...If? What? Why? How? When? Where? etc etc etc...

Do i even exist?????????????? ...............All DP sufferers ask themselves this constantly Coffeegirl....

DP can often feel like an existance instead of a life...

But please dont do anything silly...There is a way way out...Or at least a way to improve...We just gotta keep searching...Its out there...I promise..


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## Erika (Aug 10, 2017)

My consciousness is at about 40%. Not that much more left until I will have become a complete automaton. I just act perfectly normal on the outside, but I don’t feel very conscious anymore. I feel towards my own experience as I feel towards that of any other person: nothing at all. I feel, act, think, behave normally, go about my day, but I am not fully conscious of these things. It feels as if my awareness has been deleted. I’m as conscious as a robot: it does what it’s programmed to do, but it is not self-aware.


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