# How can I help Mum recover from DP and Anxiety?



## bigheart (Mar 7, 2010)

Hi everyone. My mum suffers from DP and anxiety. She has had periods of this throughout her life, but this one seems to be lasting the longest, starting about a year and a half ago with the health of her sister, (also from DP and anxiety) taking a downturn, then she lost her last dog, who collapsed with a heart attack in the house, the same as my father did 15 years previously(she bought the dogs to help her get over my dads death, so I think the two are associated). Then my health deteriorated ( I have a condition called lymphoedema in both legs, which means it is hard for me to walk, and I now have to rely on one or those 4 wheeled walking frames to get about). She is in the middle of an attack at the moment and I cannot convince her that she isn't going round the twist. The doctors are bloomin useless, just keep changing her anti-depressant pills. She says she feels most strange, and that she doesn't even feel she is here. Can anyone please give me some idea of how to help because I just don't know what to do anymore. She has seen a psychologist, who went along the lines of CBT, but that didn't make any difference either. I am going out my mind with worry, and fear about what's going to happen on a day to day basis. Hoping to hear from someone who can give me any ideas soon.

Yours faithfully
Bigheart


----------



## S O L A R I S (Dec 24, 2009)

Bigheart,

I wish if I had the solution, but reality is that you cannot help anyone recover from DP and Anxiety. I understand how frustrating and heart wrentching to watch someone go through an illness like that. There is a sense of hopelessness which can be difficult to ignore.

You love her so much and I can sense that clearly, at this point however, the most you can do to help her is to help yourself. We all have our demons, and if we try to save someone else, we run the risk of destroying ourselves along the way. Be good to yourself, love yourself, learn to turn the hopelessness and frustration into compassion and love. We can only show love and compassion to someone who is ill, only, and as trivial as that sounds, it is the best and most influencial method available to change people's lives.

I really am glad that you joined the forum, and we are so proud of you. Honestly, you are a source of inspiration for me. I admire your strength. You remind me alot of myself, my mom was sick for a long while, she still has bad spells sometimes. I kept trying to help her recover. It did not do any good. At the end, things do work, they will work. As rough and unfair life seems sometimes, its surprising how and why things work out at the end. The only thing we can do is be patient, and learn to love our families, and love life.

Wishing you the best Sincerly,


----------



## Tim (Jul 17, 2009)

i agree with Solaris 100%, said it better than i ever could. but 1 thing id like to add on to that is why not get her up on the forum? this place is great if someone with DP is going through a rough patch, everyone on here is very nice and comforting, and the forum has this general atmosphere of ease.


----------



## Katezorz (Jan 10, 2010)

How long was she in CBT for, and did she follow everything they told her word for word? Also, does she work out at all, eat healthy, take multivitamins? Does she smoke?


----------



## bigheart (Mar 7, 2010)

S O L A R I S said:


> Bigheart,
> 
> I wish if I had the solution, but reality is that you cannot help anyone recover from DP and Anxiety. I understand how frustrating and heart wrentching to watch someone go through an illness like that. There is a sense of hopelessness which can be difficult to ignore.
> 
> ...


----------



## bigheart (Mar 7, 2010)

Hi Solaris,

Just wanted to say thanks for your advice, and words of encouragement. They mean so much. Mum had another bad attack of DP this morning, but a friend of hers came round and we managed to get her to calm down, and try to explain as best as she could what she was feeling. She felt that she didn't belong in her surroundings, and that photos of the family on the wall could be pictures of almost anyone, but I managed to get her to tell me who they were. She felt that she was letting people down, and she became tearful, which I guess was a good thing, as it made the anxiety go down a little.

This afternoon she has gone out with her friend and our dog( a beagle) to see another member of a club run by Age Concern at our local community centre. We both attend this club on a Friday afternoon, and my mums friend is the volunteer. I only began going with Mum as she didn't feel able to get there by herself, but now I enjoy it as much as she does, and I introduced the club to playing bingo, which one of the male members of the club does every friday (20p per game, winner takes the pot), and I also do a quiz once every six or eight weeks. I am doing one this Friday as it happens, and I usually get a little prize for the winning pair, perhaps a bar or chocolate or packet of biscuits each person.

Anyway Solaris thanks again, and I hope it will be okay for me to talk to you again.

Yours sincerly
Bigheart (England)


----------



## bigheart (Mar 7, 2010)

Tim said:


> i agree with Solaris 100%, said it better than i ever could. but 1 thing id like to add on to that is why not get her up on the forum? this place is great if someone with DP is going through a rough patch, everyone on here is very nice and comforting, and the forum has this general atmosphere of ease.


Hi Tim,

Just wanted to say thanks for replying to my post. Mum had another bad attack of DP this morning, and I have mentioned to her what you said about coming up on the forum. She said she will consider it, but I told her I wouldn't push her, and would let her tell me when she was ready, as she doesn't feel able to use the computer, although I have offered to show her how. She has gone out with her friend and our dog ( a beagle) this afternoon to see another member of a club we both attend on a Friday afternoon at our local community centre, run by Age Concern, where we play bingo, chat, do quizzes, and have the occasional meal out. My mums friend is the volunteer, and is a wonderful person who certainly seems to have a calming effect on Mum.

Anyway Tim I'd best go now. Speak to you again soon.

All the best
Bigheart (England)


----------



## bigheart (Mar 7, 2010)

Katezorz said:


> How long was she in CBT for, and did she follow everything they told her word for word? Also, does she work out at all, eat healthy, take multivitamins? Does she smoke?


Hi Katezorz,

Thanks for replying to my post. Mum was seeing a psychologist for CBT from July last year, and she followed what she said, like writing down thoughts etc, and doing the exercises that she was given, such as evaluating from 1 to 10 the amount of anxiety and DP she was feeling, and trying to turn negative thoughts into positive ones, although this is something she is still struggling with on a day to day basis. She had another bad attack of DP this morning, where she felt confused and anxious but a friend of hers came round and we managed to get Mum to try and describe to us the sensations that she was feeling, so that we could try and reassure her. She is a little calmer this afternoon and has gone out with her friend and our dog ( a beagle), to see another member of a club which we both attend on a Friday afternoon.

Mum is 74, so doesn't work out as such, but she walks our beagle, whose name is Daisy, at least twice a day. Her appetite is quite sketchy, and if she can she will only eat the following on an average day, 3 crispbakes for breakfast, a sandwich made from 2 slices of Weight Watchers bread with ham, cheese or egg for lunch and a small meal in the evening, perhaps a Marks and Spencers childrens meal with vegetables, and then maybe a couple of biscuits with a cup of tea in the evening. She doesn't take vitamins, although I think she should perhaps take Vitamins B and D. She doesn't sleep well either. She falls asleep in front of the TV in the evening and then cannot sleep when she goes to bed. She has relaxation CD's and tapes which she listens to in bed but these don't seem to help her. She used to smoke the occasional cigarette but hasn't done so for years.

Another member of the forum has suggested I get Mum on to it. I have asked if she would, and she said she would consider it, because as I said to her there is no-one better equipped to understand your feelings than someone else who has DP.

Thanks again for replying to my post.
Speak to you again soon
All the best
Bigheart (England)


----------



## Guest (Mar 17, 2010)

One of the best things somebody who is close to someone who has depersonalization/derealization is constantly letting that person know that he/she is there for that person.

I mean like doing things for that person. Gifts, surprises, words, "I Love You". Things of this nature.


----------



## ruston33 (May 11, 2010)

bigheart said:


> Hi everyone. My mum suffers from DP and anxiety. She has had periods of this throughout her life, but this one seems to be lasting the longest, starting about a year and a half ago with the health of her sister, (also from DP and anxiety) taking a downturn, then she lost her last dog, who collapsed with a heart attack in the house, the same as my father did 15 years previously(she bought the dogs to help her get over my dads death, so I think the two are associated). Then my health deteriorated ( I have a condition called lymphoedema in both legs, which means it is hard for me to walk, and I now have to rely on one or those 4 wheeled walking frames to get about). She is in the middle of an attack at the moment and I cannot convince her that she isn't going round the twist. The doctors are bloomin useless, just keep changing her anti-depressant pills. She says she feels most strange, and that she doesn't even feel she is here. Can anyone please give me some idea of how to help because I just don't know what to do anymore. She has seen a psychologist, who went along the lines of CBT, but that didn't make any difference either. I am going out my mind with worry, and fear about what's going to happen on a day to day basis. Hoping to hear from someone who can give me any ideas soon.
> 
> Yours faithfully
> Bigheart


----------

