# Ego strength



## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

I realized/read that ego strength is important in being healthy. Ego is a the "I" of you basically. Some people here talk of ego transcdence and stuff like that, but I find that unsafe. So how would you go about developing a strong ego?


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Good question, I can only repeat what I have heard as I have not done it myself but things like learning how to say no to people and have good boundaries with regards to being able to push people away when needed helps, so then it means you can tolerate more anxiety and openness around people as you will feel you have the ability to defend yourself if attacked.

Exactly how to do it im not sure, psychotherapy is supposed to help but I have had about 7 years and I can't say I feel that my ego is a great deal stronger, although it may be a bit. Essentially I think it is about loving yourself so if anything does come at you from the outside world it can't really hurt you.


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

The fear of loss and hurt stems from stress getting in that cannot be stopped from getting in. In that case psychological boundaries must be formed to protect from inessecary stress. And that is a structure that is understood and accepted by nearly all people in society (there are a GREAT deal of excetions) But When you feel this ego breakdown stuff that wouldnt hurt you or stress you out normally. Now seems to have a great deal of effect on you.

This is something that is lodged in the brain. And it needs to be rebuilt as the brain heals. you can excersice this by conciously putting up boundaries between you and people. (an imaginary screen that is put between you and others temporarily for the purpose of not taking in unessesary stimuli)

but in essence. The percetion of loss or hurt is ultimately an illusion as it is trough our perception that we interpret the world around us. And come on, how many times out of a 100 is there ever really any great threat to our selves our our lives?


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

TheGame said:


> but in essence. The percetion of loss or hurt is ultimately an illusion as it is trough our perception that we interpret the world around us. And come on, how many times out of a 100 is there ever really any great threat to our selves our our lives?


I was reading some study where psychologists were showing that most people interpret threats to their ego in the same way they interpret physical threats to their life, so if they got publicly verbally insulted the same stress chemicals would be released as them being attacked physically. Which when you think about it is a bit nuts that we interpret a threat which in reality is just a few words directed our way the same as a threat on our very existence, and that is in "normal" "healthy" people.

So I guess gaining a stronger ego would involved somehow realising that the vast majority of things we experience as threats aren't actually threatening at all.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

I guess it's because words have meaning and words lead to actions often...and also it's because our brain can't tell the different between reality and imagination I heard that, so we imagine the threat and either way we are hurt. I hope that made sense, I'm a bit drowsy.


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## snow storm (Aug 10, 2010)

Pablo said:


> I was reading some study where psychologists were showing that most people interpret threats to their ego in the same way they interpret physical threats to their life, so if they got publicly verbally insulted the same stress chemicals would be released as them being attacked physically. Which when you think about it is a bit nuts that we interpret a threat which in reality is just a few words directed our way the same as a threat on our very existence, and that is in "normal" "healthy" people.
> 
> So I guess gaining a stronger ego would involved somehow realising that the vast majority of things we experience as threats aren't actually threatening at all.


Could it have something to do with the fact that we are social animals and that we have used to be dependent on the group for our survival. So hostile behaviour could have meant social exclusion and in fact been life threatening. Anyway, I wish the brain would upgrade itself soon...lol.


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## snow storm (Aug 10, 2010)

I think building ego strength could be a life long process. 
One thing is being able to say no, another is being able to reach out and create authentic connections with other people. Actually I think the latter is more difficult. Showing other people how you actually feel about things and risk being rejected, ridiculed or criticized. I really do think that you grow stronger along the way and that the first steps are the most painful.


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

What you are talking about isnt ego strenght it is the strenghtening of your true self your talking about. And that part of you is always with you and the rest is your mind made self. that is the only self that can percieve other "minds" as threatening.

The mind/ego is a construction for "protecting" itself from other minds. so as to not be ridiculed in public or to have a bad reputation etc. The ego can be a great helper OR it can be your greatest downfall. In my case. My ego is what keeps me from loving other people. It keeps me from my emotions and it keeps me away from all that is really real.

Remember that every situation is neither good or bad. its always neutral. its only our interpretation of the situation that keeps us stuck in our heads.

And in my case with DP and all that ive really seen the destructive power of the mind/ego/mindmade self. And i believe DP and beeing burnt out will be my way to self realization. To uncover what in me is essentially real and what is not. And i AM going to take this road. As i have NO need for my EGO anymore.

The ego is and will always try to avoid life (the now) and it will always shade truth and make up its own story. Wether that story is good or bad has no significance.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

I think the closer your ego is to your true self then the stronger it is. Many of the fears of a weak ego come from the fear that other people will see "who you really are" so if underneath you feel you are unlovable and unacceptable then the image you try to project to the world / your ego will be under stress all the time from revealing the "truth" about yourself to other people; but if underneath you believe you are a decent person worthy of love then even if your self image gets dented then there isn't a great deal of stress as you have nothing terrible to hide, so all round you feel more secure.

So finding a way to let go of negative self beliefs will strengthen your ego but actually doing that is difficult as I think many of the real core beliefs are reflected into us by the way we are treated when we are very young. Generally I think there are things inside of us we are running away from and are terrified of other people seeing them, so if somehow we can find a way to stop running and accept those things then there will be nothing to hide from other people, which brings strength and security.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

TheGame said:


> And in my case with DP and all that ive really seen the destructive power of the mind/ego/mindmade self. And i believe DP and beeing burnt out will be my way to self realization. To uncover what in me is essentially real and what is not. And i AM going to take this road. As i have NO need for my EGO anymore.
> 
> The ego is and will always try to avoid life (the now) and it will always shade truth and make up its own story. Wether that story is good or bad has no significance.


I'd be careful, ego transcendence methods can just be another way of you denying your own needs or of trying to escape from reality, I have used it for this for many years and it hasn't done me much good.

After many years studying various paths im of the conclusion that ego transcendence is for people with healthy ego's, the Dalai Lama said it more or less somewhere that you can only transcend a mature ego with spiritual practice and one of my favourite masters G.I Gurdjieff has a saying "You need to become a good egoist before you can become a good altruist". If you read some of Ken Wilbers books he explains why this is, he says when you transcend your state you include all that is below you don't get rid of it and if you have dark areas of repression and non acceptance of yourself then they will ruin and undermine any progress you make until you tend to their needs, which is why he recommends people to do therapy for those sorts of problems rather than Zen big mind meditation.


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## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

Remember that story of the wolf boy, some boy raised in the wild by wolves started acting like them.... My point, I think we develop a lot of our sense of self by the people and things we interact with. So, instead of looking inward for some answer, maybe just try to find more things to interact with. Whenever I'm the busiest in my life, I feel I have a stronger sense of self.....


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

Pablo said:


> I'd be careful, ego transcendence methods can just be another way of you denying your own needs or of trying to escape from reality, I have used it for this for many years and it hasn't done me much good.
> 
> After many years studying various paths im of the conclusion that ego transcendence is for people with healthy ego's, the Dalai Lama said it more or less somewhere that you can only transcend a mature ego with spiritual practice and one of my favourite masters G.I Gurdjieff has a saying "You need to become a good egoist before you can become a good altruist". If you read some of Ken Wilbers books he explains why this is, he says when you transcend your state you include all that is below you don't get rid of it and if you have dark areas of repression and non acceptance of yourself then they will ruin and undermine any progress you make until you tend to their needs, which is why he recommends people to do therapy for those sorts of problems rather than Zen big mind meditation.


Yes well the process of uncovering the truths about one's needs and one's darker aspects. IS infact a part of selfrealization itself. And therefore something that is needed to become whole. To recognise one's weaknesses and also one's strenghts. and no im not meditating to realize something in particular. but i think it is important when you are stressed and cut off from your body and emotions to use mediation as a medium for relaxation. And also to come into the now.

My very being in the now all the time or at least trying to all the time. Will in time uncover and intergrate all the side's and aspects of me that i once had intergrated. and i do agree that;you have to know the one before you can know the other is true. But i dont believe that you have to go trough the extremes. but the experience is needed.


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