# Technique that is helping me emotionally separate



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I thought I would share with you what is helping me out of enmeshmeant and defining where I end and the other person begins.....

For the past 2 weeks I have been focusing on growing myself up emotionally ... I have come to understand even more about what DP is exactly...it's a massive disconnection from your inner self it's like we got brainwashed into not looking inside for our own answers and truths....what i have been doing is connecting with my child spirit all day everyday, I take her wherever I go she is my second person I have adopted and I picture her with me whenever I'm with people and alone...if someone asks me to do something or asks me my opinion i always ask inside this is what keeps me focused on my emotional needs and this is helping me to separate emotionally from other people...I am also learning that love is inside of me not outside and I'm really starting to love my little girl


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Oh and I forgot to mention this is excellent for keeping out of your head and back into your heart and the present moment


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## NEEDMOREBLAZE (Apr 8, 2013)

I couldn't agree with you more...i think our minds disconnect from the world after too much negativity and unhappiness. Glad you have found a method that helps you cope!!!!


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## AlexFromPT (Jun 26, 2011)

I think you shouldnt separate you from your Inner Child while you talk. I dont know much about what kind of therapy you did, so Im not into it. Im not criticizing, just pointing it out cause it seemed odd to me  what do you think?


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I'm not separating myself ... By picturing myself as another person I am growing up myself from the inside which didn't happen because of the abuse...it's basically reparenting myself from when I stopped growing emotionally...by developing your emotional intelligence you can separate your emotions from those of others and learn boundaries etc....it's a natural process only people with DP didn't get to achieve this because of emotional dynamics in the family and early trauma.


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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

edited


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## peanut butter (Nov 9, 2012)

Fearless said:


> my advice to anyone who understands this, is to take time, sit down, and start to ask yourself, "why I don't love myself?". And realize that regardless of how strong, great, kind, talented, hard-working, valuable, etcc. you are, you don't give any appreciation, love, respect, admiration, confirmation to yourself. Decide to give those things for you, because you deserve it. Only a coward lives in fear, and only an emotional slave needs others approval.


This is good advice. Recently I've given up on people pleasing. 
Sure, few people have started not to like me that much, but some have started to like me more. No one said life's gonna be easy anyway. Everyday I realize I've accomplished many things I've wanted with hard work and dedication, but I still can't appreciate it. The more I please myself and by for example not doing things people want me to do, but I don't, the more I love myself for it. Interesting.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless said:


> I agree Missjess.
> 
> Emotional abuse, unresolved issues end up in an extreme way of not loving yourself. And it leads to people pleasing, which makes even hard to love yourself, because you're betraying yourself in order to get approval.
> 
> ...


The ayahuasca gave me back my groundedness and did resolve some things for me which I was having trouble with like the deep sadness, and not being present in my body...I see it as a gift for giving me a base to work from ..because I had already done all the work on my own before so I think god helped me with this one.. I know what to do to get out of this ...you can only get out through love and by learning to trust your own inner guidance and by validating yourself.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Another IMPORTANT thing that needs to be tamed is your MIND ... People with DP have an inner voice that is harsh, judging, and SHAMING ...so in order to regain your self esteem you need to form the habit of creating a kind, strong inner voice that supports and accepts you when you make mistakes or when you get a reaction is the present moment from past traumas...this is HUGE if you have a shaming voice there's no way your gonna get out of this.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless

I like your statement about the "unformulated parts of the self" ..

You know the therapy I did that got me out of this jigsaw puzzle before ... Says EXACTLY what Harrington says...basically the principles say that when you grow up with toxic and limiting parents children must reject and abandon parts of themselves in order to obtain "conditional love" and when one has left the family of origin, one becomes stagnant and divorced from themselves instead of moving onto the next stage in life they are still trapped seeking unmet needs. SO in order to become a whole human being, one must integrate all aspects of themselves in order to experience the fullness of there being and be able to express unconditional love to another.

Each encounter you have with people, each relationship mirrors the exact aspects of yourself that you have rejected, for example my old boss was very much like dad, I attracted girl friends that were dominant, feminine and assertive. They were reflecting the aspects of myself that I had to reject in order to stay in my family safely. So what one must do is invite and integrate these parts of themselves back in order to become a fully whole and functional adult.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

It's a very liberating process, and involved a lot of work and creating a witnessing self to observe without judgement whilst practicing these new behaviors. Of course it involved a lot of courage but yeah it's basically the way out of DP


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Don't get me started on dreamer ...I stay away from her posts altogether..


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Sure.... Well it means, your intimate relationships mirror back to you aspects of yourself which you have rejected.

An example would be, you are with someone who really pisses you off and gets under your skin because they are a loud person, dominant and assertive. You feel strangely attracted to people that make you feel "whole" ... Feeling attracted to a partner who is strong, assertive and courageous (and you are not) .... You are missing your willpower...

Relationships are ways to see what needs healing in yourself.

Basically the concept of the method is until you integrate all aspects of your being you can't make it in the direction of achieving your goals and hearts desires...and you can't unconditionally love another.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

People are put into your life until you learn your lesson...ALL my ex bfs were strong, assertive guys and in there power...but why did I attract the same men because they were mirroring to me the aspect of myself that needed healing and integration.

I attracted nurturing, strong and motherly type women as all my gfs, it was my feminine aspect that needed healing and integration.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Yes that's what I mean.


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## Cotillion (Oct 23, 2012)

Fearless said:


> "Why I'm so tense? I'm strong, confident and successful! I have no reason to feel that way! It's gotta be some illness, let's ask Google!"


And then you found out that you had a brain tumor.

It didn't happen to me that way. I always considered myself as weak, unconfident and unsuccessful. I had it coming long before dp actually set it. That was just the the final stage or a pinnacle.

Just lately I realized too that I'm exactly the same coward and emotional cripple as my father is. I dealt with problems the exact same way (ignoring them), I didn't use alcohol or anything, I just didn't tackle them head on. Or maybe I should use the present tense when describing those problems, since I haven't fixed them yet as I understood just recently how important they are. Ironically, my mother always told me to face my problems and not to run away from them because dad is always doing that, however, I didn't listen to her advice and still adopted my father's behavior. I thought the same as well that I'm not like my father, I'm not anything like that impolite ungrateful fatass. Well I might not be impolite or fat, but I sure as hell am the same on the inside.


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## Guest (Jun 5, 2013)

missjess said:


> Sure.... Well it means, your intimate relationships mirror back to you aspects of yourself which you have rejected.
> An example would be, you are with someone who really pisses you off and gets under your skin because they are a loud person, dominant and assertive. You feel strangely attracted to people that make you feel "whole" ... Feeling attracted to a partner who is strong, assertive and courageous (and you are not) .... You are missing your willpower...
> Relationships are ways to see what needs healing in yourself.
> Basically the concept of the method is until you integrate all aspects of your being you can't make it in the direction of achieving your goals and hearts desires...and you can't unconditionally love another.


Heyy missjess! How have you been? Sounds like you've been doing great! 

I had to comment, because this is really interesting, and certainly something I would like to look into with myself. I would say I actually clash with dominant people because I am pretty dominant myself. I'm attracted to sensitive, caring, empathetic people. It would make so much sense that I need to work on my self-love and care, because I already knew that, and this theory just reinforces it. I don't give myself any loving attention, and actually, my parents didn't do that, so it all fits together perfectly. I think I hardened up too much from my past. It certainly helped me get through some bad experiences, but it made me forget to stop and care for myself - I was in survive mode. I think I am understanding you correctly, anyway. Love it!


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