# Speaking your mind, being yourself, being willing to learn from mistakes, and expressing how you feel leaves you vulnerable to ridicule and judgment.



## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

Criticism isn't always constructive and people can be cruel. Putting yourself out there and being told "No." is going to happen again and again. It's going to be harsher than "No.", too.

Just kind of dealing with the truth of this right now. Wondering just how and who to be open with, what battles to pick, and how much I can take.

There's always someone who's going to enjoy trying to bring you down to their level or make you feel less than you are to make them feel better about themselves and because of how their past influenced them and that's how they chose to deal with it. There's always going to be someone with an opinion and a desire to inflict what's likely to have been inflicted on them.

I don't know what I'll do or who I'll turn into when I face real wickedness, but for now, surrounding myself with decency and embracing it is what feels right.

My mood is low, but I'm not discouraged.

The thought that makes my resolve strong is that I don't have to become like them.


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## Grublet (Jun 25, 2012)

deleted.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

Grublet said:


> it's tough to pick who to talk to. trust your gut with people that you want to try and open up to. and when people are cruel to you be confident, remember what you just said in this topic because i find the second someone is mean to me even slightly i forget every thing i ever told myself.
> 
> no one can make you feel anything without you giving them permission too
> 
> oxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo -morgan


I noticed that too. Whenever I get overwhelmed by insecurity it's like I lose who I am. All the things I believe in and learned are either forgotten or disregarded because I'm focusing all my energy on questioning and beating myself up and I'm afraid to trust myself.

Even if the person being cruel has some some truth to what they say, and that's when it's easiest to become insecure, that doesn't make them justified in being cruel and that shouldn't give you a reason to stop respecting and being confident in yourself.

Lets say I was just learning how to play the guitar. Someone hears me practicing, laughs, and tells me I'm horrible, I have no talent, I'll never have it, and I should just give up. I know I'm not very good and what he said has some truth to it. I begin to question myself. I could either say to myself, "Yeah, I know I'm not very good, but I just started. I need to practice more, then I can get better." or "I'm so embarrased. I give up. I'm awful. He's completely right.".

Saying the latter is so easy when you're used to saying things like that to yourself, and especially during that initial overwhelmed feeling that the shock of an insult can give you, but you can always work to be better at flipping negative thoughts to positive ones. It can eventually just be a habit to think that way.


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## maeszhii (Apr 22, 2013)

GroupHug said:


> I noticed that too. Whenever I get overwhelmed by insecurity it's like I lose who I am. All the things I believe in and learned are either forgotten or disregarded because I'm focusing all my energy on questioning and beating myself up and I'm afraid to trust myself.
> 
> Even if the person being cruel has some some truth to what they say, and that's when it's easiest to become insecure, that doesn't make them justified in being cruel and that shouldn't give you a reason to stop respecting and being confident in yourself.
> 
> ...


Thanks for this post. I sometimes feel that way. Im afraid of criticisms and simple criticism makes me feel down. So, i will take your advice by making positive thinking a habit..


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

The challenge here is how to grow without the process being stifled.

Part of it is not to seek approval from others. If you're learning to play guitar, e.g., don't play in front of others (teacher excepted) before you're any good. They are not going to pat you on the back and give you a participant trophy. They are likely to feel threatened and jealous instead, because you're growing and they're not.

Becoming good at something you weren't before is its own reward. That's real self-esteem - *earned self-esteem* - not the "they're supposed to be nice to me because I'm already awesome" self-esteem. You can't control what they do - you can only control what you do. And you should do what you want. If you want to learn guitar, don't let anyone stop you. You're not doing it for them.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

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