# Will this EVER go away??!



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I'm so sick of waking up in the morning and not feeling "right". What scares me is that I'm almost getting used to not feeling like myself and feeling like I'm in another persons home, it's like I'm forgetting the real me. AND if I am, how will I ever get out of this freaky state of mind? I know deep down that I don't have to try and reconstruct my personality, but it's still what I'm trying to do with my thoughts all the time. When the dp has gone before, it has just happened and everything has felt normal. So I shouldn't be scared, but I AM!!! Sometimes it's like I get a glimpse of reality, and it's TOO real, and frightening. Do I really want to be "me" again, or will it scare the crap out of me if it suddenly happened? Sorry, it's all a mess... I wish I could get hypnotized to forget this ever happened.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

As someone who suffered from chronic dp for my entire life until recently recovering, I can say yes, it can go away. One of the most difficult, but probably best things you can do is to try to get your mind off of it.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I've read some of your posts, I'm happy to hear you are not dp'd anymore. Do you know what helped you? I'm considering SSRI's because my doctor is scared of giving out benzos. I'm also trying to get into a psych ward... I got some meds when I went into the ER a couple of weeks ago, but when I read they are used to help with scitzofrenia (how is that spelled...) I didn't take them..

Anne


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Yes I've been realizing several factors in my life that I believe caused dp/anxiety and I sorted these things out in my head. Believe it or not I realized all of these things while I was high...

I realized a huge cause of my social anxiety and fear of people- as a kid I lived in constant terror of my stepdad, because you never knew when he would do.. things. I realized one day, while high, that the fear I had of that man...I began to always be afraid of him looking at me and what he might be thinking and I subconsciously put that fear on everybody I came into contact with once I got older. (I was homeschooled and never came into contact with many other people until older) I just finally realized one day that not everyone is like my step dad and people aren't looking at me and thinking of me in the same way he was. I realized I didn't have to be afraid. Some of my fear still remains but a large part of it has gone.

Another thing that has helped me is that I've slowly been releasing anger I've harbored for my step dad for years. My anger is slowly turning into pity for the man. Pity that he's such a wretched, and likely miserable person. Pity for the fact that he must be terribly afraid of not being in control himself. Pity that he's really just a coward who takes things out on others because of his own insecurity.

As was said in another post, one of the major things you can do to recover from trauma is to not only find out what you fear, but why you fear it. Then you can ask if you really need to fear it, and you can work on getting over that fear.

There are other things that have helped me- such as I've fallen in love and that has cured me of a lonliness I've felt for years. (there's no medicine for lonliness)


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2009)

How do you go about taking your mind off the feeling that you've lost your mind though, that alters everything you think, perceive and sense? That's the thing I'd like to know. It's like dousing someone with petrol, setting them ablaze and then saying, 'Now, the key to this is...not to think about fire.' Maybe that isn't a perfect analogy, but you get the point.

I hate the mornings too. Those few seconds after you wake up, open your eyes and look around, only to realise with despair that you're still like this is enough to send the most calm, content, iron-willed person into fits of anxiety.

I'm also taking fluoxetine (Prozac), an SSRI, and have been for nearly a month. So far I haven't noticed any changes in either my mood or the DP. Which SSRI are you considering?

Good luck with the p.ward.


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2009)

Conjurus said:


> Another thing that has helped me is that I've slowly been releasing anger I've harbored for my step dad for years. My anger is slowly turning into pity for the man. Pity that he's such a wretched, and likely miserable person. Pity for the fact that he must be terribly afraid of not being in control himself. Pity that he's really just a coward who takes things out on others because of his own insecurity.


I'm glad you can see this now. :wink:

Brain Candy, it's not about getting rid of the feeling, it's about knowing that _It's only a feeling and not a reality._ You aren't really losing your mind.

York, the Dp.d will convince you that you must keep your eye on it, that you must focus on it because it feels like if you don't watch it it will sneak up on you and get worse ..... you see? But Dp.d is a big fat liar because quite the opposite is true...you get used to it, you stop monitoring it and it goes away....While you are trying to keep such a tight grip and control on your reality, it can't be as it really is, it can't become real...for that to happen you must let go and although the thought is terrifying, I promise that you won't go crazy if you let go..
Also nothing will be sudden...recovery is gradual. Dp.d will also convince you to fear recovery....


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2009)

Andrew, please.

I know it's just a feeling and not a reality, but it's a very persuasive and powerful feeling. I know I'm not insane, but it's small comfort when you feel like this.


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2009)

I know, but try not to fall for the convincing lies of Dp.d. It takes time but you will get there eventually Andrew.

Lynsey.


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2009)

I'm trying. It's just so hard when it's your own mind - something you can never ignore - telling these lies. How long did it take you to overcome?


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2009)

I had Dp.d for about 4 and a half years chronic 24/7 and severe.......I'm still overcoming other psychological issues and dissociative issues, it takes time but gets easier.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Uh, I felt quite optimistic until that last comment.. 4 years is a bloody long time to feel like this, I really hope none of us will have to suffer that long.
This whole thing about dissosiative disorders really scares me, even multiple personality disorder has now become another room in the funhouse of dissosiative madness we are all in. It feels like we are all sane on borrowed time, like any minute your brain will f**k you up. Don't think the wrong thoughts, don't be in the wrong place, the music in your head will start to play backwards and you won't know who the hell you are anymore.

Maybe I just got what scares me. Unpredictable reality.


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2009)

york said:


> Uh, I felt quite optimistic until that last comment.. 4 years is a bloody long time to feel like this, I really hope none of us will have to suffer that long.
> This whole thing about dissosiative disorders really scares me, even multiple personality disorder has now become another room in the funhouse of dissosiative madness we are all in. It feels like we are all sane on borrowed time, like any minute your brain will f**k you up. Don't think the wrong thoughts, don't be in the wrong place, the music in your head will start to play backwards and you won't know who the hell you are anymore.
> 
> Maybe I just got what scares me. Unpredictable reality.


Well it doesn't stay as bad as it is to begin with the whole time-it does get easier to cope with as time goes by.....it gets gradually better. By the third year I was able to live with it and function relatively normally and get on with life.. We're all different, don't focus on how long you may have it....I will say one thing, I would have gotten better a damn sight quicker if I hadn't wasted the first year and a half in a complete panic wasting time thinking it was all pointless and that nothing would help...instead of trying things and facing my issues. I wasn't sure where you was going with your comment about mpd-DID but even people with DID find healing....."Crazy" and "mad" is just a stigma....Unpredictable reality scares most Dp'd people that's why reality becomes unreal because we try to control it by monitoring our every thought and emotion....it's scary but eventually you'll all have to just let go of that tight grip...nothing bad will happen.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I wasn't really going anywhere with the DID comment. I'm just scared because I'm getting the feeling really serious (in my mind) illnesses like DID is somewhat the same as dp, and that your brain can just shut off areas at any time to cope with stress. I know you are not "crazy" if you've got DID, or other disorders, but we all feel like we have gone mad from time to time, or at least I do. And then I panic. And get politically incorrect.


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## RaoulDuke (Mar 17, 2009)

I relate to your post.

Right now I feel like I don't know who I am or why I am this person. I know that doesn't make any sense and in all actuality I do know who I am and why I am but this very weird and terrifying feeling of " I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM" will not go away. I just can't shake it right now. I feel lost in myself and almost trapped in my mind. It's like I am so entrenched in my symptoms that it completely consumes me as a person. It's like I have to fight with myself to FEEL like I know who I am and what my purpose is.

I hate the fact that people and places seem weird to me like " somethings not right".

I feel like I don't know what it is to be myself ..... I pretty much feel lost right now. I don't know what's going on. I almost think that I have to reinvent myself or find myself, I guess you would call it " soul searching" . But at my age I should just be grabbing the bull by the horns and loving life. Instead I am caught in this awful cluster fuck of mental anguish.


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## jl244753 (Apr 14, 2009)

Hi everyone I am new here, I've suffered from anxiety from a young age. Recently though I've been suffering symptoms which I finally found the descritptionf or derpersonalization. My therapist is not very familar with this and I really am having a hard time finding any concerete information on this. After reading information ont his forum I must say I am quite frightened. Is this a dissociative disorder? Or just a symptom of generilized anxiety? Because I remember taking psych n myfirst year of university and from what I remember dissciative disorders are part of schizophrenia, so now I am exetremely frightened. Can someone please help me and shed some light on this! thanks any help would be appreciated!


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## jl244753 (Apr 14, 2009)

I apologize for all the typos.


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