# My Full Recovery, and My Advice



## Forge132 (Sep 12, 2016)

Hi all,

This post is a reply to a private message I received not long ago. I've changed the name of the sender for privacy reasons.

Basically half a year ago I made a cocky and aggressive post claiming that I had recovered from DP. I realized later that the reason I made that post was because I was having a manic episode from Bipolar Disorder.

This is my attempt at both helping out the DP community as well as redeeming my foolishness.

I hope these words help some people out.

User on 09 Apr 2017 - 6:27 PM, said:



Thundercat said:


> Hey. So I read your post and it helped a little knowing I'm not the only one to go through this craziness. I had a couple of questions and if you don't see this Im cool with it. How were you at around 4 months. Cause I feel like I'm almost 24/7 depersonalized and can't get a grip of control.
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Jeff


Hi Jeff,

I've decided to very thoroughly answer your question because I think it will really help.

I'm glad you reached out to me. My story is a bit different from everyone else on here, however I have my suspicions that more people on here are actually in the same boat and do not realize it. I realized a few months later that *the reason I wrote that post was because I was having a hypomanic episode*. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar type 2, and the reason I freaked out when I had the edible was because it triggered an underlying mental illness that I was slowly developing. Basically, Bipolar gives you periods where you feel really really bad, and periods that make you feel really really good. I wrote that post when I was feeling really really good, when in reality a few weeks later I was right back where I started, and honestly was pretty embarrassed that I had written that post.

The drug trip threw me into my first panic attack and severe acute depression which lasted about a month. Following this experience I had severe DP until I was prescribed a medication called Klonopin. This basically calmed me down and temporarily gave me relief from the panic which I had been experiencing for over a month. Klonopin is only a bandaid however. My real saving grace was when I was prescribed a long term solution. The drug is called Lamictal, and its a mood stabilizer for Bipolar patients as well as just depressed patients. After about a month on this my life dramatically improved. I was able to get up in the morning without feeling lost in space and time and reality. I was able to feel happy again, at least periodically. There were times when I was 99% zoned back into reality and forgot that I had DP for even weeks at a time which was AMAZING!! After around the 9 month mark I still had mild to moderate to DP but happened to meet a girl who I hit it off with really well. She was the final step to bringing me out of my DP almost entirely. She made me forget about my DP and my Bipolar 2 and quite possibly literally may have saved my life.

To specifically answer your question, I was not doing well at 4 months. More people have shared our experience than we realize. I didn't think life was worth living and couldn't see how other people could possibly be happy in this void and empty life. Even though I didn't really understand that I was depressed, I was very depressed. I was also incredibly anxious, but hadn't experienced anxiety prior to my freakout last March. It was a foreign feeling to me, and throughout my experience with DP I had significant trouble pinning down my feelings and understanding exactly what they were. You're fine at 4 months, things will get better I'm sure of that.

The truth is, most of the people who post on this website are in the beginning stages of their DP experience, and to be quite honest its like their own personal hell. I'm sure you can relate to this. Suddenly your world becomes something unintelligible. Nothing makes sense, life becomes very confusing and you're stuck somewhere but aren't quite sure where you're stuck. These feelings are pretty normal. I'm not saying everyone on here has Bipolar, but it doesn't make a difference. People come here because they are desperate and demand answers about what they are experiencing. Most people don't come back and tell you that they have recovered, because once they have recovered, DP seems like a bad dream and they don't care enough to come back and help people like you out.

Moving on, Bipolar doesn't cause DP, just as anything else doesn't directly cause it.

What I mean by this is that DP always has a reason for appearing.

Either:

1. You slowly fall into a trap of DP. This happens because you have been miserable for a while now and your life has been slowly going downhill whether or not you realize it. Maybe a girl broke your heart, maybe you've gone through a big change in your life, or maybe a family member has died. In any scenario, *your brain cannot keep up with the stress and sadness that subconsciously affects you and thus puts a barrier up to protect you*. Unfortunately its this barrier of DP that actually makes things worse. It actually adds more stress to our lives and confuses the hell out of us. It's f*cking awful, I know.

2. Something significant happens very suddenly and your brain cannot cope with the circumstance and puts a barrier up. It also may exacerbate or trigger an underlying mental illness, as it did for me. The bad news for me was that I found out I had Bipolar disorder. The good news was that I realized that it didn't really change my life after taking the proper medication. I also was able to rid myself of DP.

I remember reading people's theories about what exactly Bipolar was. One common one was about how DP was a defense mechanism of the brain. I remember thinking to myself that that theory doesn't make any sense and that it didn't fully account for the hellish experience I was going through. Looking back now with clarity, it makes complete sense. It's hard to believe that your own brain would put you through something so terrible, but it does.

I'm not a doctor, but I've been seeing one of Los Angeles' most critically acclaimed Psychiatrists, and he sees people like you and me everyday. The reason that there are so many people on here posting that they have had DP for 5+ years is because that haven't resolved their issues with life. *Their brain hasn't deemed them ready enough for it to remove the barrier*. Plain and simple. They have something eating away at them which will not allow it, even if they don't realize it. Unfortunately, DP compounds on itself, meaning that DP can actually take over the old cause and become the new one. In short, DP perpetuates DP.

My advice to you (my prescription if you will):

1. First and foremost, realize that *you absolutely will return to normal within a year to two years if you understand DP*. That may seem like a long time, but at least you don't have a death sentence for life. It will take you a long time to get a grasp on what it is you're going through. I'd estimate 8-14 months, but maybe less if you're lucky. Don't get your hopes up though.

2. See a psychiatrist. Insurance will cover most of the bill. Try out some medication under the supervision of your psychiatrist. It took me almost 7 months of trial and error with medication for the Doc (as good as he was, and believe me, he was Good) to pinpoint what's up with you. Spill your heart out to him or her, help them *gain insight into your life so that you can get to the root of your problems and convince your brain that you no longer need its ridiculous defense mechanism. *

3. Don't try to force yourself to stop thinking about DP. It won't work, it'll be on your mind for quite some time. Just let your mind wander, its okay. Just remember my post and realize that no matter what crazy thoughts you have, or how detached and confused you feel, DP can't hurt you. Don't force yourself to go outside or hangout with your friends, often times you'll realize that DP has a firm grip on you and will make most activities just lead back to DP. You'll go home at the end of the day and think to yourself "It didn't work, I still have DP". Instead...

4. Set a goal for yourself. For me, it was becoming a successful college student. I knew that if I could get through this experience I would be able to put my family on my back with ease when I was older. I made it my goal (and it still is my goal, I'm working hard towards it) to become a corporate executive in LA and earn those big $ in order to make my future family's life better. In your downtime distract yourself a bit. Indulge. Watch your favorite movies, play some video games. I played SO much World of Warcraft and I do not regret it one bit. It was therapeutic to me and I needed to spend time doing something that relieved me.

It's experiences like this which test our resolve. We didn't know life could be this hard, and many people have it much worse in the world. The reality is life is hard, but once you get through the difficulty, life becomes very rewarding. This is a hard time in your life, but you'll get through it. Focus on your goal, whether it be school, sports, a hobby, traveling or the like. Even if DP follows you every step of the way you're still moving forward and creating your own path in life, and you're making the person you'll be when he emerges from the tunnel of DP that much better.

In conclusion, you'll be fine. I have no doubt about that. Just reread this guide as much as you need to. Print it out, you don't need anyone else advice, and I know saying that is pretty cocky and bold (a moderator got mad at me last time I posted for that exact reason, although my post was in face unreasonable) but I think my advice is general enough to where it encompasses nearly everyone on this site. It doesn't matter that I had Bipolar and found a medication that worked, the reason for DP is the same for everyone. I'm no doctor, but I've spent enough time with a trained specialist to finally understand DP.

A word of caution however, I'm not a trained doctor, and while I'm almost 100% certain of my explanation of DP, not everyone may fall under this amateur diagnosis. It's very important that you see a psychiatrist (the one that has a license to prescribe you medication) in order to rule out and serious mental or psychical illnesses.

^ I hate to write that at the end of such an encouraging post, but rest assured that even if you do happen to have an underlying mental illness like I did, you'll still find your way back to your old self in good time. Also the chances that you have anything super serious is very very low. To put this into perspective, I'd guess that my advice is comprehensive enough and applicable to 95% of the readers on this website 

Goodluck!

PS.

You'll be fine. It sucks, but you'll recover as long as you understand it.


----------



## bookloverphile (Jun 17, 2017)

How many mg's of lamictal do you take?


----------



## jessie1133 (Oct 7, 2013)

Nice post! You'd post made me feel a bit disheartens though. I've had drdp for 4 years. About a year ago, I got to this state where I gradually became pretty much drdp free. It was no longer a nusense and I only ever thought about it a few times a week (or noticed it). Well, I got a mild concussion and It stressed and scared me out. Now I'm back to having DPDR very severely all the time. It sucks. I feel so dishearted. I'm afraid I'll be one of those people that have it for 10+ years.


----------

