# It really hurt



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

*edit*


----------



## Guest (Aug 14, 2011)

York said:


> Hi you guys..
> 
> I'm just sitting here, depressed, thinking about my relationship. I was just remebering something my boyfriend (and father of my child) said to me a couple of months ago, which was "99% wouldn't have stayed (in this relationship/with you)".
> Which really hurt. I don't really remember why he said it, I think we had an argument about marriage (or him not wanting to marry me or live with me), and he said that (above statement) to prove how much he loved me. Seeing he'd stayed through my two year battle with dp. Which I got after giving birth to our child.
> ...


Dear York,
Don't blame yourself for goodness sake. You say he has never married you? It would seem in that situation it would indicate complete commitment.

His saying "I wouldn't have stayed with you ... " I don't see that as love, e.g. it seems he should have said, "I love you now, and we will get through this."

I just recently ended a very destructive relationship where my NEED for this man was greater than wanting to look at the fact that I was not that significant in his very busy life. My loneliness let me stay and get hurt over and over.

I know it is EXTREMELY difficult if you have a child.
Again, YOU are not to blame for getting ill. Don't beat yourself up.
I'm wondering if it isn't better (if you can do this) to let go of him. I have found that being in a relationship where there is truly no love is far too painful. This man even said, when I was crying over something HE did, "Oh you're having one of your 'epsiodes'" I wanted to deck him. He had a complete lack of understanding.

That is NOT true of all men out there.

I don't know your boyfriend at all, but being fresh out of something painful (where I STILL wish to contact him some days) sounds awfully familiar.

The question is, is the pain worth it? Is not feeling loved or safe worth it? Just that one comment he made stings me.
And again, I guess I've missed something. If he didn't marry you, IDK that says something to me. And in a way it gives him a scott-free out.

Again, don't beat yourself up. This illness is NOT YOUR FAULT, and it doesn't seem he is willing to be there for you. 
Is the pain worth it? HE is the one with the problem. And yes, it is his right to leave ... but he should be up front about it, and a damned lot kinder to you.

GAH. I hope this helps. As I'm still beating myself up over my recent relationship fiasco -- and I shouldn't be; the man in my life was cruel, bottomm line, and very self-absorbed. THAT wasn't my fault. Staying with him was my fault as I was continuing to allow him to beat me up emotionally.

Take Care,
D


----------



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

*


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

York said:


> Hi you guys..
> 
> I'm just sitting here, depressed, thinking about my relationship. I was just remebering something my boyfriend (and father of my child) said to me a couple of months ago, which was "99% wouldn't have stayed (in this relationship/with you)".
> Which really hurt. I don't really remember why he said it, I think we had an argument about marriage (or him not wanting to marry me or live with me), and he said that (above statement) to prove how much he loved me. Seeing he'd stayed through my two year battle with dp. Which I got after giving birth to our child.
> ...


Sounds like the story of my marriage. Only he did leave me. He divorced me, kicked me out of the house when my dp was at it's worst, refused to let me come home and only let me move home because I was a free baby sitter. The thing I've realized about him is that he never REALLY loved me. Because, like you said, someone who really truly loves you would never leave you because on an illness. It's something completely out of your control and they should feel bad for your hurting and be there to support you. Anyone who could turn their back so easily never really loved you in the first place. Atleast not the way they should.

I know how you feel because even after 7 1/2 years of abuse and him treating me so badly, I still loved my ex husband. But as the months have gone by that we have been divorced, I have been able to see how incredibly self centered he is, how badly he treated me, and how RELIEVED I am to not be with him anymore. I saved myself from a very long miserable life. Because you know what? I AM a good person. I DO DESERVE better than that. I refused to accept less than I deserve. The same is true for you beautiful. You are such a good person and you DESERVE better than that kind of treatment. You DESERVE someone who will treat you like a princess, not like a dog that they allow to lay at their feet and occassionally glance at. You should leave him and demand better for your life. Life is too freaking short to spend it surrounded by people who don't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You deserve better. *hugs*


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

herehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0put0_a--Ng&feature=related This is how love is supposed to be. Each person feeling this way about each other.


----------



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

*


----------

