# Finding it 'hard to talk'



## alma (Jul 27, 2008)

I have a question:

- Does anyone know the feeling that it's 'hard to talk'? It's like everytime I'm talking to someone I get tired in my head and also in very bad mood! It's just as everytime I've said something - I'm being 'withdrawn' to a place in myself where it's very uncomfortable, like I can't concentrate on the conversation - but I'm just having a very bad feeling.

So even though I'm with people, I feel lonely - and I just want to go home and be alone. When I'm alone I'm feeling ok - but the problem will arise when I am with people and talking.

I really hope that someone out there can help me - I'm feeling soo alone with this and wonder if it's a symptom of DP!!

Hugs

Alma


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## MasterMind. (May 9, 2008)

You didn't list any other symptoms of DP, it sounds more like Social Anxiety Disorder, like when confronted with other people, you aren't comfortable, but then again it could be a symptom if you feel so out of it that you can't focus.

Usually with SAD, it's moreso you feel more nervous & more withdrawn, have you seen a doctor or a therapist & gotten their 2 cents?


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## alma (Jul 27, 2008)

Hi again!

Yes I have seen a doctor. He didn't think that I had Social Anxiety Disorder - because I have no problem talking infront of a groups of people! But I guess I have a lot of the other symptoms for SAD - as I'm afraid of peoples judgement and I have a lot of anxiety when I'm in public. But I have no problem in making new friends, and in periods I love to talk and beeing social!

My doctor thinks that I have DP because of my feeling of being 'disconnected' from people. I either have the feeling of ' a fog' and tiredness when talking to people, or the feeling of 'it's hard to talk'! Then it's really hard to concentrate, like I'm somewhere ells in my head!!

These feelings always come after a period with a lot of stress! Then it's really hard to have a job and concentrate, because of the 'disconnection' I feel!

I hope that I'm getting closer to what's happening in me!!

Hugs


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## AllmindnoBrain (Jun 28, 2007)

I too have a lot of trouble talking to people, I often feel very automated when ever i speak and often lack any real enthusiasm for what other people have to say. I am especially awkward when it comes to small talk, Its probably my least favorite thing to do. I dont so much feel anxious physically anymore when it comes to social situations, its more like mental angst i feel. Its become so bad that i am starting to avoid social situations so i wont have to experience the embarrassment and discomfort that comes with talking to people Im not so close with. I was at this party a few days ago and this girl began to talk to me who i hadn't seen in a very long time and i just wasnt there, i wouldnt even say i was so much in my head either, its like i was nowhere. My most pronounced thought process during all of this was, "shit, I have to actually come up with something to say to this girl or else Im going to look like a freak". I felt like everyone at this party was staring at me and discussing amongst one another how strange, solemn or anxious I appeared. A group of girls who I didnt know were looking at me and then talking amongst themselves and i honestly couldnt (and still cant) decipher whether or not my paranoia was just delusional and they were saying how cute i was or that my paranoia was justified and i did look weird in some way unbeknownst to me. This has become a really big problem for me lately, whenever im out in public, especially at a restaurant or bar I feel like everyone can see how fucked up i am, like its written all over my face. I know how strange i feel and how foggy the world appears to me, so it seems logical to me that my inner world manifests itself in my body language and actions. I really dont know what to do anymore though, it seems at though I have stopped caring and have given up hope. I know everyone on this site always says you cant develop schizophrenia from dp, but im starting to think that maybe being in this state for such a long time that it has taxed my brain to the point where i am getting a bit crazy and illogical.


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## alma (Jul 27, 2008)

Hi there.

It sounds very much like me! But I do not think that you have developed skizofrenia - don't trouble yourself by thinking that - only a doctor would know! I just think that we are thinking too much about things around us! I have been reading a lot of litterature (on the internet) about social anxiety. It sounds very much like that (but then again I'm not a doctor). Then it's very much like you are constantly thinking of peoples opinions about you. Often I feel that people are watching me - and I hate entering busses! When people are passing me on the street- I'm feeling anxious and it feels like my whole body wants to run away!

My psychiatrist isn't sure it's social anxiety, but I think it is. He says it's DP. But when you have a general level of anxiety, the DP can be a part of that.

Right now I'm on sertralin+lamictal. My depression is gone, but the feeling of that 'it's hard to talk' is still there. I'm hoping that lamictal are going to work out for me!

But like you, I'm also SOO tired of this symptom. It's like everytime I say something a very uncomfortable feeling arise! I do not know where it comes from - but I have made the conclusion that it has something to do with the 'Amygdala' wich is a center in the brain that 'contains' our feelings. That's what my doctor told me. So they think that DP/DR has something to do with that center!

But the important thing here is how to deal with it, right?

The last couple of weeks I have tried out a 'method'. When I say something to someone - I let the uncomfortable feeling come and accept it as it is. I do not push it away and try and fight it - I try to have the feeling of accept towards it. For me it's working when I speak. Because I don't get in a bad mood after saying something - wich I do if I don't use this accepting method. But I'm still not talking much - and try to keep it down to short sentences - or ells I get tired and stressed out in my mind :-(

The worst thing about all this is, that it seems like friends and family haven't got a clue what's going on!!!
For me that is a very scary and lonely feeling - and that's hard to accept!

But we have to keep up the good spirit, and remember that some days also have good moments. And I don't think that the DP will last forever - for me it has been dominating in periods and at other times it's totally gone!


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## Willshesaveme (Jul 7, 2008)

You both don't have skitso, its just General anxiety/social anxiety/ depression and DP - all which co-exist with each other.

Iv studied this for years and have self diagnosed along with being diagnosed by a psych and doctor.

People with skits don't know that they have it, so count yourself s lucky!

I used to be like you guys, when my DP had developed full blown id stress over social situations (aprox 6 years ago) etc but now iv gotton to the point where its like i dont give a fuck anymore, the other day i was thinking, why stress over shit i cant control? so now i just don't give a fuk, i let it slide, even tho the anxiety and DP is still present i just say to my self, what does it matter? your dammed if you do, your dammed if you don't.So now Iv come to accept it, and lately iv noticing that its slowly going away.. feeling my old self is slowly coming back, i think this is the only way to recover. I started doing this about a year ago. Just say to yourself, who cares? because your already in a fking hole, there's no point dwelling over it. I know this can be hard to grasp at first because the anxiety/dp take over your thoughts but keep at it everyday and youl notice a difference.

peace.


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## Phill (Sep 27, 2004)

I really agree with you Willshesaveme. I just thought to myself one day- who gives a shit. I still don't like the anxiety and I still have experiences like you alma, but when i came to the decision to just not focus on it so much and try and enjoy the quality of life I still have left the feelings just seemed to not bother me as much. 
If I go out on the town or to a pub for a drink what I do now is just down some valium and combine that with a little alcohol and i'll be too relaxed to care about anxiety.


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## blank (Aug 1, 2008)

I get the same feeling of not being able to talk...it's like you can't get the energy - you can just about make the words in your brain - sometimes, but it's just too hard to actually speak them. I was diagnosed with social phobia and depersonalization 3-4 years ago (along with many other things) and this "feeling" of finding it hard to talk is a combination of the two: the phobia and anxiety is likely to bring on the extreme resource of the depersonalization. 
A couple of times i have been in social situations and have gone to speak, only to have a panic attack and completely lose all train of thought - i would then manage to get my thoughts back but by that point the dp would be working over time and i then could hardly bring myself to speak the words and i would become so angry almost and down inside and "feel" myself just slipping away, as though to a dark place - all alone...that does'nt seem to really explain it very well, but i hope you do know what i mean. 
It was a couple of weeks ago in a therapy session that really took me by surprise, i've only ever experienced the hard to talk "feeling" in social situations before (which by the way, i try my hardest to avoid now). I was sitting talking to my therapist, about painful stuff, when i just froze...i had a blured idea of what i needed/wanted to say but the more i sat there - unable to even move, i began to lose the words - and it was like a cloud washed through my head...i just sat!
I wish i could just forget about it and say what the heck, who cares - but my head wont let me do that yet...maybe it will one day - i don't know. All i can say is that it's nice to see that someone else has experienced this side of the dp, i thought i was alone in it!


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## AllmindnoBrain (Jun 28, 2007)

blank said:


> I was sitting talking to my therapist, about painful stuff, when i just froze...i had a blured idea of what i needed/wanted to say but the more i sat there - unable to even move, i began to lose the words - and it was like a cloud washed through my head...i just sat!
> I wish i could just forget about it and say what the heck, who cares - but my head wont let me do that yet...maybe it will one day - i don't know. All i can say is that it's nice to see that someone else has experienced this side of the dp, i thought i was alone in it!


Ive had this same experience many times. There are times when absolutely nothing comes to my mind when my therapist asks me a question, this could be normal but its something that really bothers me and the more i think about it the more blurred my mind becomes and then i cant come up with anything to say at all because i dont have any thoughts and it takes a while to recover from this state of stagnation. I also have trouble concentration on what people are saying sometimes because i am so focused on making eye contact.

Its good advice from willshesaveme but not the end all be all. It definitely helps going in with the attitude of not caring hwo you sound and not giving a fuck, but sometimes obsessive thinking which can be completely involuntary is what causes the problems and anxiety, not the other way around. If you can dial down the anxiety with this careless attitude you mentioned it would help the obsessive thinking and over analyzing, but i find the intrusive thoughts still force their way into my consience regardless, hopefully i can get it under control enough to where its bearable. Also, some people just feel anxious in front of people for no tangible reason, i.e. their is no identifiable source to their anxiety, i guess im advocating med's here. Im going to get a prescription of klonopin so i can take them in the morning on a day where i know im going to be in a lot of social situations.

I just read over my post like 4 times to see if it made sense, and i feel like i contradict myself and that i am being redundant in some places and it really bothers me. My thoughts are never clear and organized so its hard to communicate them in a manner that makes sense and so that i am expressing a comprehendable point.


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## blank (Aug 1, 2008)

No what you have written makes perfect sense to me allmindnobrain! Especially the last bit about looking over what you have written and thinking it doesn't make sense - that is exactly what i do...no doubt will do at the end of this lol!

When it comes to meds tho, they are a big no no for me personally. I was put on them aged 12-14, a few different types and i didn't find they helped me at all. I actually now recognise that i experienced dp on occasions and the side effects i had from them were horrific...making my situation ten times worse! Of course i would never suggest someone not take meds, its a completely individual decision - as everyone is different...the only thing i would say is to just be careful, because although most are supposed to help your mood stable they seem to often have a fine line between doing so and making things a lot worse!


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## alma (Jul 27, 2008)

Hi there,

I'm SO 'happy' that someone knows that feeling of a dark place - I also thought I was the only one feeling that way!!
I very much know the feeling of slipping away - into a dark place in yourself. It's like in that place you feel very lonely and it's impossible for anyone to reach you there!! It's really the worst thing about DP!

Yesterday I went to a family 'get together'.On top of feeling very tired, I felt like being in this dark hole all the time. The worst thing is that people can't see it on you....I really wanted to enjoy that party -but all the time I was looking forward to go home - and be alone. When I'm alone I'm feeling ok and can be in a good mood, but in social situations it's hell............

Monday I'm starting at my new job and I'm SO afraid that the feeling of a dark place and sadness will overrule me....

I really hope that this will soon end..

Alma


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

alma said:


> Hi there,
> 
> I'm SO 'happy' that someone knows that feeling of a dark place - I also thought I was the only one feeling that way!!
> I very much know the feeling of slipping away - into a dark place in yourself. It's like in that place you feel very lonely and it's impossible for anyone to reach you there!! It's really the worst thing about DP!
> ...


I used to feel that way. Now if I am not doing lots of talking I am not having fun.
I hope you get out of it.


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## clairethecat (Aug 7, 2008)

I get the same thing,
It's not a social thing with me however, I enjoy talking to people and I'm not shy, I used to have severe social phobia but I got over that as I got older.

With me I just get sick of communicating, I figure it'd be a lot easier if we could all read eachothers minds.
It's sort of like, 'I'm too tired to open my mouth and make words' sort of thing.


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

clairethecat said:


> I get the same thing,
> It's not a social thing with me however, I enjoy talking to people and I'm not shy, I used to have severe social phobia but I got over that as I got older.
> 
> With me I just get sick of communicating, I figure it'd be a lot easier if we could all read eachothers minds.
> It's sort of like, 'I'm too tired to open my mouth and make words' sort of thing.


OOOOOOW, that?s a scary thought.
Society might grind to a halt. 
A good looking woman like you talking to guys and knowing what they are thinking.
Or your parents telling us how well we are doing - but knowing what they really think.

But as you say if we could transmit thoughts to each other that would be cool.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

I get it too.

I get extremely frustrated, what I find more annoying, is whe people are talking to me, like talking and talking, it pisses me off as i feel obliged to respond but i dont have the energy to.

I love people however, I just get like that with people that wont shut up  x


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Robsy said:


> I get it too.
> 
> I get extremely frustrated, what I find more annoying, is whe people are talking to me, like talking and talking, it pisses me off as i feel obliged to respond but i dont have the energy to.
> 
> I love people however, I just get like that with people that wont shut up  x


I am disapointed with humanity but I love people.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Ha,

Mark, I am only like that as I have Dp/Dr as u know it just amplifies everything, thats one thing i find hard to deal with :S


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## alma (Jul 27, 2008)

Robsy, Yes that's what makes it SO difficult to accept - that it's ALL over in your life!!! It's controlling every aspect of your day - it's like another person inside you is controlling your thoughts, feelings and how you act!! It feels like you are having a fight inside - against another side of yourself...

..isn't it weard that you are having a 'war' inside yourself??

I think that the solution is to accept all of it! It sounds SO simple, but is hard to practice...

Today I just started in cognitive therapy. The psychologist talked a lot about accepting. 
Then she explained me what happens when you are having a panick attack - which is related to DP! When you are frightened your body wants to run away (like an animal runs away from danger). This starts a whole serie of physical reactions. It can be a knot in your throat - the reason for that is that it would be dangerous to eat if you should 'run' in a 'dangerous' situation! It can be a feeling of a tight band around your head - which is the blood pumping around. The feeling of it's 'hard to talk' appears because of all the tension in your head, body and muscles = the run away symptom.

It's all natural physical reactions. For me it meant a lot to hear all that, and to know that it's not something dangerous..but a very normal human reaction - not only to persons who suffers of DP/DR but to everyone!

That's why she said that she cannot remove the DP - because it's a natural protecting system (which is good) - (just in another level than 'normal' people), but she can teach me how to accept it, and when you do that all the tension = the DP will slowly slide away 

For the first time, I feel that someone understands me. And it's safe to know that she has treated a lot of people with DP and anxiety...

I hope that all this makes sense...

Love

Alma (from Denmark)


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Robsy said:


> Ha,
> 
> Mark, I am only like that as I have Dp/Dr as u know it just amplifies everything, thats one thing i find hard to deal with :S


Gotcha.


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

Oh dayyyng!

I love this forum... 

I HATE TALKING!! Full stop. It's also hard especially for someone whose second language is English and learning other languages at the same time (Japanese, Spanish and Russian). By nature, I am quiet but since I started experiencing DP, my voice started sounding like someone else's. At times it's hard to get it out. So hard I just want to talk to people in Sign Language or just switch to speaking to a different language or accent...

I'll stop here coz it's not making any sense.

You understand me... I hope.

Hazel


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## alma (Jul 27, 2008)

Hi' Hazel,

It's really making sense what you're writing. It doesn't sound stupid at all!

I also thought that it could be nice to 'talk' in sign Language...It's funny - that all those thoughts I thought I was the only one having - they are not so strange....but 'normal' with DP!

Love

Alma


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## Clarity (Jul 22, 2008)

AllmindnoBrain said:


> I too have a lot of trouble talking to people, I often feel very automated when ever i speak and often lack any real enthusiasm for what other people have to say. I am especially awkward when it comes to small talk, Its probably my least favorite thing to do. I dont so much feel anxious physically anymore when it comes to social situations, its more like mental angst i feel. Its become so bad that i am starting to avoid social situations so i wont have to experience the embarrassment and discomfort that comes with talking to people Im not so close with. I was at this party a few days ago and this girl began to talk to me who i hadn't seen in a very long time and i just wasnt there, i wouldnt even say i was so much in my head either, its like i was nowhere. My most pronounced thought process during all of this was, "shit, I have to actually come up with something to say to this girl or else Im going to look like a freak". I felt like everyone at this party was staring at me and discussing amongst one another how strange, solemn or anxious I appeared. A group of girls who I didnt know were looking at me and then talking amongst themselves and i honestly couldnt (and still cant) decipher whether or not my paranoia was just delusional and they were saying how cute i was or that my paranoia was justified and i did look weird in some way unbeknownst to me. This has become a really big problem for me lately, whenever im out in public, especially at a restaurant or bar I feel like everyone can see how flower* up i am, like its written all over my face. I know how strange i feel and how foggy the world appears to me, so it seems logical to me that my inner world manifests itself in my body language and actions. I really dont know what to do anymore though, it seems at though I have stopped caring and have given up hope. I know everyone on this site always says you cant develop schizophrenia from dp, but im starting to think that maybe being in this state for such a long time that it has taxed my brain to the point where i am getting a bit crazy and illogical.


man, i have that problem too. i'm really paranoid and for a long time i thought i was schitzo 2. i use to be really outgoing so when i started retreating into myself it was so obvious toeveryone i knew. i always feel like people are watching me but i know it's just paranoia.

my thing is that ( this sounds crazy) when i'm talking to someone i here them mumble stuff about me like i'm stupid, retarded, etc. i'll be talking to someone and walk away and actually hear them say "your so stupid" but i don't know if they are really saying it or not. i can't turn around and act crazy anrgy and when i say what it looks like they are making something up. i use to think that people were actually doing it because (the problem->) i think i did act stupid but then i heard complete strangers and even family members doing it so i know i'm just making it up in my mind... but others times i've overheard people talking about me for real about how weird i am and dumb... man i'm crazy. i'm so paranoid cuz lack of confidense... i have serious trust issues too cuz my friends i had becofr dp started hating me when i started acting weird and they talked [email protected] about me and how stupid i was so now i think everybody does it. i'm going to become a very bitter lonely crazy person.


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## bark (Nov 7, 2005)

Holy crap!! This line from you is exatly me! "I also have trouble concentration on what people are saying sometimes because i am so focused on making eye contact."
I want to find a way to channel my energy to focus on the conversation instead of the eye contact but I havent come up with anything. 
It's like Add you can't concentrate on 2 things at once....
Any advice would be welcomed.



AllmindnoBrain said:


> blank said:
> 
> 
> > I was sitting talking to my therapist, about painful stuff, when i just froze...i had a blured idea of what i needed/wanted to say but the more i sat there - unable to even move, i began to lose the words - and it was like a cloud washed through my head...i just sat!
> ...


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