# I finally need to share this thought...



## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

I have a symptom that really bothers me. It is embarassing to write about because I am fearful it might be a sign of psychosis. I need to write about it since it worries me. I am not worried enough perhaps to talk to a psychiatrist about it.

I suffer from a lot of anxiety like many of us here do. I also suffer from what appears to be mostly derealization, with some depersonalization.

I get a lot of strange worries and fixations like some of us do. One sensation I have is that I sometimes worry that everyone is in on something. I know it's not true for the most part. It is just that I start to wonder since I really don't know what existence is.

Again, I don't truly believe this, but it is one possibility that my mind puts out there as a possibility. I get bothered by this thought. It feels more like a "What if" thought than anything else.

It bothers me because I wonder if I am in the promodral phase of schizophrenia. I am already in my 30's, I am female and I don't have a family history of schizophrenia.

I worry also that this is apart of a psychotic break. I noticed however that I start to think this thought, it might be a coping mechanism for something else I need to deal with. For example, I am feeling further and further away from my boyfriend of 10 years even though we live together. We are not very close emotionally, and this makes me very sad. I noticed that I started having this worry when I was feeling sad.

I hope I have made sense. I finally felt like I had to share this crazy thought here. What is your opinion?

I want to thank you all for always responding to me!


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## nix (Feb 27, 2010)

> I am already in my 30's, I am female and I don't have a family history of schizophrenia.


Chances that you have schizophrenia with this facts are less than 0,01%.

What is that "crazy thought" you are mentioning? I really don't understand. DP/DR is ugly condition, but you didn't mention any symptom that could indicate that you have schizophrenia.

To make it short- you don't have schizophrenia and you will never have it. I don't know why it is so common that almost all people with DP/DR are afraid of schizophrenia, but it is the last thing that could be the cause of DP/DR.

Actualy, DP/DR as only symptom (including fears, worries, dream-like state, anxiety, "what if" question) is NEVER an indication of schizophrenia.

There are many possible causes for DP, but people are always obsessed with that schizophrenia thing.

It could be lyme disease, chemical problems with pancreas and thyroid hormones, some kind of epilepsy, but to most people the main cause is stress, anxiety, trauma and other non-progressive psychical conditions.

I am also in DR hell, but I am not afraid of schizophrenia and I know that I can't have it. Probably, that fact makes my life much easier than to most of people that think they are going insane.

If you think that you are insane, then you are certanly not insane.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

nix said:


> Chances that you have schizophrenia with this facts are less than 0,01%.
> 
> What is that "crazy thought" you are mentioning? I really don't understand. DP/DR is ugly condition, but you didn't mention any symptom that could indicate that you have schizophrenia.
> 
> ...


Oh, I think you are lucky. I have moments where I am not worried about schizophrenia, and these are the best moments I have in my life lately. It is always in the back of my mind that I might lose control, say something crazy, act weird, have a psychotic break, hurt others physically, and get in trouble with the law. Perhaps this is what could perpetuate my stressed state and make have derealization and some depersonalization.

I am also working on facing the real issues such as my boyfriends lack of communication with me, and how painful that is to me. I am also looking at issues such as feeling like my family doesn't love me much. I felt neglected and very invalidated as a child. I am now a 34 year old woman, and I am an adult. I still let these feelings run my life under the surface and it sucks on many levels. Fortunately, I have been in counseling for a few months to discuss these issues. I am making strides, but the emotions that come up are very painful. There is some grief work on some levels because I was and am still invalidated to this day. I need to grief that my family won't be and may never be super loving in the way I want.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. Feels good to write about this even though it feels so painful and scary.


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## Minerva8979 (Jan 30, 2010)

I agree with Nix. If anything, this disorder resembles others like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, though it is considered a Dissociative Disorder. So this obsessive thought of yours that "something is on me"...is more similar to OCD than Schizophrenia in my opinion.

Also, if this relationship is causing your sadness, why not discuss it with him?


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Minerva8979 said:


> I agree with Nix. If anything, this disorder resembles others like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, though it is considered a Dissociative Disorder. So this obsessive thought of yours that "something is on me"...is more similar to OCD than Schizophrenia in my opinion.
> 
> Also, if this relationship is causing your sadness, why not discuss it with him?


Thanks! I am feeling some relief. I have tried to talk to him, but it is like talking to a wall. He shuts down and doesn't say anything. I get more response when I talk to our cat. She is more assertive and vocal. She is a lifesaver to me in many ways.


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## nix (Feb 27, 2010)

2deepathinker said:


> Oh, I think you are lucky. I have moments where I am not worried about schizophrenia, and these are the best moments I have in my life lately. It is always in the back of my mind that I might lose control, say something crazy, act weird, have a psychotic break, hurt others physically, and get in trouble with the law. Perhaps this is what could perpetuate my stressed state and make have derealization and some depersonalization.
> 
> I am also working on facing the real issues such as my boyfriends lack of communication with me, and how painful that is to me. I am also looking at issues such as feeling like my family doesn't love me much. I felt neglected and very invalidated as a child. I am now a 34 year old woman, and I am an adult. I still let these feelings run my life under the surface and it sucks on many levels. Fortunately, I have been in counseling for a few months to discuss these issues. I am making strides, but the emotions that come up are very painful. There is some grief work on some levels because I was and am still invalidated to this day. I need to grief that my family won't be and may never be super loving in the way I want.
> 
> Anyhow, thanks for listening. Feels good to write about this even though it feels so painful and scary.


Schizophrenia is completely different pair of shoes than what we all here have. 
No matter how much you fear of it, want it, or don't want it, you can't get schizophrenia. 
Even nervous breakdown and any kind of breakdown is simply not an indication of schizophrenia. 
You can't get schizophrenia JUST LIKE THAT. It's not like flu... 
"Oh, look at me, I'm so scared, I am shaking, I am losing it.... it could turn into schizophrenia!"
No, sorry, it can't turn into schizophrenia just like that. Even psychotic breakdown doesn't have anything with schizophrenia. 
Schizophrenia is mental illness and it's mostly genetic and most of the people start to get it in teen years. 
And most of them, or even all of them are not even aware that they are going insane.

What you feel are only fears and anxiety. 
No matter how much breakdown you have, no matter even if you kill someone (and you will not), it's still not at all indication of schizophrenia. It is indication of fear and nervous breakdown.

My advice- stop worrying because of that, because it is useless.

If you want to be sure that it's nothing more than anxiety or stress, do EEG, MR of brain (which actualy shows nothing), test yourself for lyme disease and check your thyroid hormones.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

nix said:


> Schizophrenia is completely different pair of shoes than what we all here have.
> No matter how much you fear of it, want it, or don't want it, you can't get schizophrenia.
> Even nervous breakdown and any kind of breakdown is simply not an indication of schizophrenia.
> You can't get schizophrenia JUST LIKE THAT. It's not like flu...
> ...


I need to get my thyroid hormones checked possibly. I think I was low last time, but not low enough according to my MD to warrant being put on meds for it. How can Lyme Disease contribute to depersonalization/derealization/or stress?

Can one have a nervous breakdown from having strong DP or DR? Just wondering.


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## Guest013 (Apr 26, 2010)

Everyone on here (including myself at one time) thinks they have... psychosis, schizophrenia, early onset alzhiemers, or something like that.... But let's be honest, these conditions are extremely rare, and compared to the 4% of the population that has DP/DR, it's like a 1 in 100,000 chance you have one of these illnesses. DP/DR is relatively common, while all these rare diseases that we incessantly look up online are extremely rare. This is one of the reasons doctors misdiagnose DP/DR... like 20% of the population has Depression or Anxiety, but only 4% of the population have DP/DR, so if doctors are unsure... better to go with the odds and pick Depression or Anxiety.

You are suffering from DP/DR which is a temporary condition that is curable. It is scary as shit. You might think you are going insane. You might think you are becoming retarded. You might have memory problems. You might have bad vision, headaches, OCD tendencies. But you will get better with time! Relax, go outside, exercise, eat healthy. And remember the famous saying... "This Too Shall Pass".


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## nix (Feb 27, 2010)

2deepathinker said:


> I need to get my thyroid hormones checked possibly. I think I was low last time, but not low enough according to my MD to warrant being put on meds for it. How can Lyme Disease contribute to depersonalization/derealization/or stress?
> 
> Can one have a nervous breakdown from having strong DP or DR? Just wondering.


Lyme disease can make people feel derealized, because of the chemistry that lyme borreliosis releasing into body.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Along with having a worry that people are in on things, I sometimes worry that everything is planned for me. Like if I go to the library, I might have a thought that everything was organized for me. I know it isn't, and I don't know where a thought like that comes from. I know it is my mind.

I know for sure that I don't have schizophrenia, but in moments like that, I worry. I think that first, it is my fucked-up, dp-ed view of reality that is the problem, and I am bound to believe and become afraid of anything my mind tells me.

When I am relaxed, I don't have these thoughts. I think it happens because my perception is so off.


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## nix (Feb 27, 2010)

Today I was at hospital at psychiatrist and she told me that people with schizophrenia are actualy not bothered with derealization and it makes them feel just fine. They don't know there is something going wrong.
Whenever you think that that you are going insane, then you are not. We all have sometimes crazy thoughts, but if we instantly know that those thoughts are crazy, we are not crazy then.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

nix said:


> Today I was at hospital at psychiatrist and she told me that people with schizophrenia are actualy not bothered with derealization and it makes them feel just fine. They don't know there is something going wrong.
> Whenever you think that that you are going insane, then you are not. We all have sometimes crazy thoughts, but if we instantly know that those thoughts are crazy, we are not crazy then.


Thanks!


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## nix (Feb 27, 2010)

2deepathinker said:


> Thanks!


You're welcome! You are also too old for schizophrenia and if you don't have schizophrenia in family history, chances for you to get it are probably less than 0,1%.

From what I've heard, all people with schizophrenia have someone in closer or further family also with schizophrenia.

I also have awful symptomps that really scare me to death, but I've never had anyone with schizophrenia in my family, not on mother's side and not on father's. With such family history, for me, it's almost impossible to get it out of nowhere.


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