# Powerful thoughts while FEELING better (can you relate?)



## Outlook (Apr 17, 2015)

I've have this condition coming up to over 2 years and I tried to recover in 2013 which was amazing because I was nearly recovered, I was loving life and all the feelings of connection came to me throughout each day and that kept me pushing for a full recovery, but I stopped doing what I did to recover because I was loving life and I didn't care about this condition because I had much more strength over my mind at the time and was in a good state of the condition, the condition at the time was like the equivalent to a spot on my face so I just stopped doing what I did to recover because I was doing a lot of it and I took a break from it. The reason why I'm still stuck in this is because when I took that break I took it for too long, with time I started to get worse, depressed while getting lazy as I recall so I couldn't be bothered to do it again and while I was getting worse I would think of what state of mind I used to be in and what I did to get there which is what I could do now and when I thought about this it made me feel better but I never got round to doing it again unit now, actually thinking on it I did what I used to do in 2013 to recover from this... here and there spaced out in 2014 but I didn't stick at it I just give up. So basically the reason for this post is because when I used to recover in 2013 I don't remember having thoughts in the back of my head that would bring me down while I would feel connected and start to feel normal again. Its like now my mind won't let me feel good without popping powerful random thoughts into my mind that would give an overwhelming feeling of fear throughout my body and get me scared, so lately I've been experiencing powerful thoughts in my head when I start to feel better, you know that feeling? When your emotions, senses kick in and you have normal thoughts and also that sense of feeling normal. It feels amazing, right? So yeah, when I feel that sense of connection and I have normal thoughts for like a couple seconds however the time maybe, I will have thoughts in the back of my mind telling me these normal thoughts there not real and this whole experience of feeling normal is not real. The list goes on like I will get normal thoughts of friends and my mind will tell me they don't know me and I've ever felt like this before, so basically any normal feeling or thought I get I will have any sort of powerful thought to go along with it that is scary, I mean I've experienced powerful thoughts as just the condition but not when I started to feel better. Its like my mind is trying to keep me lock in this state of mind and now I feel they are just going to get worse and keep me locked in no matter what. Hopefully someone can relate! I know everything about this condition and how to recover but this is new to me, I've never felt this way and also I've notice just the condition on its own without feeling normal is getting powerful thoughts that are scaring me. But anyway please comment your thoughts! Im out, peace!


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## Sweet Jane (Feb 11, 2014)

Hey

I'm feeling almost same way as you at this moment

In fact, seems that thoughts are, right now, more scaring to me than dp itself
I already had dp before, five yrs ago. It was terrible of course, but recovery seemed more easy than now. At the time what happened, basically, is that meds worked well and I recovered in 4, 5 months. Thoughts were more "common" rumination, existencial etc, But not so intrusive or aggressive. 
DP got worst again about a year and I started to avoid everything: Not leaving home (anxiety attacks) and avoiding close relationships. Of course, this was making me depressive. So i started to try to let go and expose myself, do the things that i used to do. 
But now i'm feeling that it's getting worst exactly like you told. It's not dp that's is worst, in fact dp gets better (dr that still persists). But my thoughts became way worst and are pushing me back now more than DP itself. They're different than what i had experienced before, very intrusive, aggressive and scaring. 
An example, yesterday I went dinner with friends and was feeling ok, but today thoughts are again tormenting me, saying: you're not real, you were faking, you're a phony, you're not their friend, 
Also another day i was remembering some stuff from my past, really feeling connected to the events and emotions, which makes me feel great. Than I started to have intrusive thoughts doubting about how i was feeling. They were like: it's not real, it's false memory , it's was not you, you're a imposter, you're a fake, this memories are not yours 
And this go on and on and on&#8230;

I'm really scared today, thoughts are very aggressive and I'm felling lost. Is that a part of recovery? or is everything getting worst? 
i've never had this kind of intrusive thought before in all this years of DP.


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## Sweet Jane (Feb 11, 2014)

Outlook said:


> I know everything about this condition and how to recover


Can you tell me more about that? What did you do that worked out?


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