# Emotional Literacy as a the Unexpected Gateway to Healing CPTSD



## XBrave (Oct 28, 2016)




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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

Haven't watched it all yet only 8mins but looks good... just hope he has a solution lol


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## XBrave (Oct 28, 2016)

I believe DPDR for ME, is a result of poor emotional boundaries, forgotten self-love, hating certain parts of myself, confusion about my identity, traumatic experiences, toxic shame, social anxiety, damaged self-confidence and fragmented personality (triggered by a bad drug trip). So it's a long way.

These videos are not "THE ABSOLUTE CURE" but kinda give me hints on how not-thoughtful and unaware of myself i was. feels like DPDR is my automatic defense mechanism against this great confusion about myself and my life and people around me. I learned suppressing emotions that led to suppressing certain part of myself i hated. And i hated more and more parts of me every day that eventually made me a body of self-hatred.


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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

We have extremely similar traits from your description. I agree that DPD to me seems to be more of an emotional disorder and as a result an identity disorder. Do you find yourself people pleasing and almost changing your view of the world to more suit other people's needs? We think I get away with it but it lacks honesty so I never truly get to feel good as I have shut off my own likes and interests to please other people

Yeh snap on the self hatred. Agreed they aren't the cure but definitely part of the solution. Reconnecting to our emotions is vital and this is another way of doing it in a more 'logical' way. I think as my mind is so logical, this almost over rides that as I am asking questions primarily, but in order to answer them I have to FEEL. Really good video, thanks for sharing


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## XBrave (Oct 28, 2016)

Broken said:


> We have extremely similar traits from your description. I agree that DPD to me seems to be more of an emotional disorder and as a result an identity disorder. Do you find yourself people pleasing and almost changing your view of the world to more suit other people's needs? We think I get away with it but it lacks honesty so I never truly get to feel good as I have shut off my own likes and interests to please other people
> 
> Yeh snap on the self hatred. Agreed they aren't the cure but definitely part of the solution. Reconnecting to our emotions is vital and this is another way of doing it in a more 'logical' way. I think as my mind is so logical, this almost over rides that as I am asking questions primarily, but in order to answer them I have to FEEL. Really good video, thanks for sharing


you're welcome Broken.

Yes. as i've said before, i was too ignorant of my own needs and what people would think of me if i did something i loved. But i used to be more self-centered before puberty. I gradually lost it and became a people-pleaser and was not even aware of it. for example, I thought inviting friends over and showing them affection will make them chase me or like me more but it was just me, sacrificing my own boundaries and ignoring my deep hatred for some of them by pressing my ANGER inside me. and i did this in all aspects of my life.

Maybe my parents never taught me to just live for myself, as my life is only MINE and not anybody else's. Maybe because of my mother being too careful/helpful/passionate towards other people and my father being a little neglectful towards teaching me "how to defend myself" and "how worthy i am" , i wasn't exposed to myself and my values.


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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

Yeh my current belief (and my beliefs and opinions on dp change continuously) is that we are so conditioned that our 'character' or 'ego' is just plain fucked. Our belief system is so ignorant and untrue that we think we can fight this, should avoid negative emotions, and the road to recovery should be paved with gold.. the more I think about it the more I can see it's not going to be pretty. Especially with the more I am remembering from my childhood. But I cannot choose when I remember, or how I react, or change my belief system that is keeping me continuously held in this loop of dp. So I am not trying to change anything. I become aware of my attention as often as I can and try to change my attention. Drop free will. Because with that attention, not only is there literal tunnel vision, but it's as if only my current methods and beliefs can fit in that tunnel... and I need more awareness of how this works as doing what I've always done has clearly not helped me. So just having that one belief "don't change anything" stops me trying and doing and suffering, and opens an opportunity to see this a different way


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## XBrave (Oct 28, 2016)

WOW

I had this awakening today. shit it's hard to describe.

by doubting myself, i started people pleasing and changing myself 3 - 4 years ago. I went on pretending "i'm cool". Got lost in hip hop mafia gangster culture of big egos and lost myself.

Today i realized how i did distanced me from my own values and formed a new personality to "show off". Fake i was. i'm still in shock of what i've learned.

so This is my updated personal idea on why dpdr happened to me:

I started *doubting myself*, my power, my capabilities, my boundaries.=>

then this doubt grew bigger each and everyday.=>

i *ran away* from it by pretending i'm not that "WEAK/ vulnerable/fragile/emotional PERSON"=>

started smoking weed and it gave me pleasure and fake confidence and pressing emotions inside=>

i was running from the REAL ME and going on with the *FAKE PERSONALITY (to fit in)*=>

*WHEN YOU DOUBT YOUR OWN SELF, YOUR OWN LIFE, AND YOUR OWN VALUES=>*

*+ DROWNING IN A FAKE PERSONA=>*

*THE UNCONSCIOUS, THE GREAT CONTROLLER, THE REAL SELF BENEATH, PUT'S YOU IN DANGER MODE=>*

*THE WORLD LOOKING UNREAL is the result of me IGNORING WHAT I REALLY AM*

is the result of LIVING AN UNREAL PERSONA

*NOT BEING CONNECTED is the result OF YEARS OF NOT CONNECTING ME TO MYSELF*

DPDR is the outcome of NOT BELIEVING YOUR STORY, YOUR POWER, YOUR VALUES

Trauma, anxiety, shame, ... this stuff form pain inside us and THE CONSCIOUS SELF never wants painful emotions.

i wrote this too fast. i hope you all get what i said. but if this helps me towards something i'll post about it soon. I'M REALLY BUSY RIGHT NOW

I CRIED for a 2 hours for my life today, for how i distanced myself from my REAL pain/pleasure and formed a NOT-ME COOL character.


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## dead alive (Apr 26, 2017)

XBrave said:


> WOW
> 
> I had this awakening today. shit it's hard to describe.
> 
> ...


I can relate to all of this. How are we going to fix it?


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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

Wow hope things continue to improve for you! Keep us updated


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## nicewon (Aug 10, 2017)

I relate to this alot wow


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## dope (Aug 31, 2016)

XBrave said:


> I believe DPDR for ME, is a result of poor emotional boundaries, forgotten self-love, hating certain parts of myself, confusion about my identity, traumatic experiences, toxic shame, social anxiety, damaged self-confidence and fragmented personality (triggered by a bad drug trip). So it's a long way.
> 
> These videos are not "THE ABSOLUTE CURE" but kinda give me hints on how not-thoughtful and unaware of myself i was. feels like DPDR is my automatic defense mechanism against this great confusion about myself and my life and people around me. I learned suppressing emotions that led to suppressing certain part of myself i hated. And i hated more and more parts of me every day that eventually made me a body of self-hatred.


Are you me? Like seriously are you describing me, jesus christ.


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## willbarwa (Aug 26, 2017)

My only question is: If oke starts accepting oneself again and change all the bad, then is there hope for this DP to go away as well?


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