# Need some advice on my mental health



## Musicgeorge (Dec 20, 2015)

Hi guys,

I have never really engaged with a blog like this before but I am desperate for some advice with fellow sensitive people and really after some inspiring guidance. I have been going through a my worst year to date, continuously burdened with the fear that I am loosing my mind and my grip on reality.

This fear all started one day when I was extremely hungover and dehydrated on an aeroplane. Having drunk straight vodka the day before which was a totally stupid idea, I suddenly developed the overwhelming fear and sensation that I was loosing my mind and that I was loosing control of my body. Feeling an intense sense of DR and DP. I had a panic attack on this flight and have never really been able to completely dismiss the horrendous underlying fear.

I have had what I believe to be pure OCD (self diagnosed) in the past couple of years, which began while studying for my law exams at University under extreme stressful pressure - ranging from several topics of harming others, worrying about my physical health, being gay, committing criminal acts and harming myself. Non of which actually manifested just causing me horrendous episodes of anxiety.

However, non of these obsessions have lasted as long as the current one which is that I am mentally ill or have developed psychosis, Bi-polar, Alzheimers or some form of brain damage. The fear has persisted for so long with what I now believe as varying symptoms in which I continuously prove and disprove on an hourly basis. Spending hours upon hours assessing and analysis my every thought, sensation and supposed symptom. Sometimes I wish my brain wasn't so active and intelligent. Currently I am worried that I have some form of psychosis or DID. My head & my emotions feel incredibly sensitive (ranging from real joy to complete depression), I feel sometimes unable to process information, recall information, I have an abundance of very strange and unpleasant thoughts throughout the day and always some episode of intense anxiety. I had a thought for example the other day, I scared myself that I was becoming deluded as I had the thought that I was becoming deluded to think I was a character on a TV series. My whole reality seemed to then seemed to be adjusted to that form and deep down I knew this was a completely irrational thought but I felt as it I was fighting the thought, at the same time punishing myself for having it. This caused my extreme anxiety and DP/DR. I was completely aware that this was an irrational thought but it was so upsetting and distressing because through the intense anxiety I feel like I am loosing my sense of true identity. I am an idiot because I look up the symptoms and then go through a process of almost creating them, fighting them and then assessing them.

At the moment, the reason why I have contacted this blog, the most stressful feeling is that I feel very separate from my own identity. I feel disconnected when I look at myself in the mirror and I feel very depersonalised in my very comfortable family surroundings. Everything feels odd, maybe associated with the high levels of anxiety and complete mental exhaustion from the relentless obsessing and analysing. I feel very disconnected with my family members and that causes me more anxiety because I am fed up of feeling odd in the head. Deep down I know my identity, I still have a good sense of awareness, and the true reality. I just feel I am loosing a grip on it and it is getting worse. I am just fed up of continuously worrying and questioning whether I am mentally ill. I really want to break this cycle and completely dismiss this fear and get on with happy and calm normal life that I have experienced before. At the moment I feel I can't achieve anything in life: relationships, success or leaving my home comforts because of this feeling. I also fear when I completely dismiss the fear and assessing I will have 'given in' the process of loosing my mind. i will essentially not be taking care of myself.

I have a huge fear that I am becoming deluded at the moment and that everyday I am getting slightly more depersonalised and irrational. I have tried to mediate, sleep more hours, eat more fruit, exercise more but nothing sees to breaking this fear and symptoms that I am experiencing. I am going through a stressful period, running my own business at the moment at a very young age and significant separation to my usual social circles in trying to pursue my dreams of self employment. I really just need any advice on this matter and reassurance that things will get better, that I am not loosing my mind. I am currently not engaging in any psychological help or medication. I have never before this time had any psychological issues apart from anxiety.

Thanks guys - I really appreciate your time,


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## Alan (Jan 26, 2015)

Welcome to the site!

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. It sounds like you're under a great deal of stress, and the first step is to reach out, so I would definately suggest that you speak to a doctor -- even knowing that you have some sort of plan in action can help you begin to feel better.

I always feel hesitant to definitively diagnose people with DPDR, especially since I'm not a medical professional, but be aware if you mention this that a lot of doctors and psychiatrists have never even heard of the condition. Often times it does manifest as secondary symptoms as part of a primary condition such as depression, anxiety or OCD and treating these helps with the DPDR also.

The preoccupation with your health in general is not unusual for people with DPDR (practically every new member is worried about psychosis/schizophrenia) so you're definately not alone on that front.

I hope you find your time on the site useful and informative


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## Zed (Jul 25, 2015)

Hi Musicgeorge... I think there'd be a lot of people on this site who'd identify with your description of what's going on for you.

I'd throughly recommend looking for a therapist (preferably a psychologist) who has experience working with people with dissociative disorders. Talking therapy of some kind should be looked at as your primary mode of treatment. I found the best way to find a therapist is to do a search and then speak to them on the phone before making an appointment. Ask a bunch of questions while you can. This can save a lot of hassles and time.

Be wary of taking advice or treatments from doctors who know very little about the dissociative disorders. There's a saying in this field which is "no treatment is better than poor treatment." That's because if someone who is treating you doesn't know what they're doing they can in fact make you worse, and you'll be none the wiser. I've been there and done that. It was only after I found a great therapist who explained the damage done by the last therapist did I understand what this meant.

Over the years I've made great progress and I pin a lot of this on the fact that I don't rely on anyone who hasn't a thorough knowledge of my condition. It's a bit like taking a car to a plumber for a service! I've learnt not to waste my time on people who don't know what they're doing.... like I mentioned, they can do more damage than good.

Hope this helps


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## Bedinus80 (Nov 14, 2015)

Musicgeorge said:


> At the moment, the reason why I have contacted this blog, the most stressful feeling is that I feel very separate from my own identity. I feel disconnected when I look at myself in the mirror and I feel very depersonalised in my very comfortable family surroundings. Everything feels odd, maybe associated with the high levels of anxiety and complete mental exhaustion from the relentless obsessing and analysing. I feel very disconnected with my family members and that causes me more anxiety because I am fed up of feeling odd in the head. Deep down I know my identity, I still have a good sense of awareness, and the true reality. I just feel I am loosing a grip on it and it is getting worse. I am just fed up of continuously worrying and questioning whether I am mentally ill. I really want to break this cycle and completely dismiss this fear and get on with happy and calm normal life that I have experienced before. At the moment I feel I can't achieve anything in life: relationships, success or leaving my home comforts because of this feeling. I also fear when I completely dismiss the fear and assessing I will have 'given in' the process of loosing my mind. i will essentially not be taking care of myself.


I feel exactly the same. My DP/DR is based on severe anxiety and horrible panic attacks. Anyway, for me it is the 3. DP/DR/anxiety episode in my life (I am now 35) and I was diagnosed with bipolar II. Between the episodes, I was 100% cured, so trust me, it will go away. (this is the only hope for me as well, that I was able to get better earler)

What you can do now: go to a doctor and start a therapy (CBT is very good), take vitamins (B-vitamins and magnesium are really good), take a xanax as needed. Trust me, 2-3 times / week (0,25 or 0,5) can help a lot, but you won't get addiction.


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