# Symtoms, can anyone relate to these?



## Anon19 (Jan 3, 2013)

Hello everyone,

I'm almost 4 months into having DPDR and I was wondering if anyone of you can relate to the following symptoms/thoughts I'm currently having:

1) Not being able to look someone in the eyes. When I look someone in the eyes it feels like I'm looking at someone 'empty' it's like I'm not able to see who they really are and what their personalities are like, sort to say... It happens all the time from seeing someone on tv to talking to someone in real life, I always focus on someone's eyes and is it perhaps by only focussing on the eyes itself that this feeling occurs?

2) When reading, writing or saying my own name out loud it feels like I'm not connecting to it as I used to... My name seems to be someone strange to me although I know it is my own name...

3) A lot of times when I do/think/feel/say/... something I seem to remind myself of how I would've done/thought/felt/said something before I got DPDR... It's like I'm constantly saying to myself: you've changed, it seems like you've become someone else and you're constantly reminding yourself of how you were before you got into DPDR...

4) I'm not 'recognizing' myself in my Facebook profile and in pictures...

5) When I'm around friends or family it doesn't feel the same as it used to be... I still know who everyone is, but the feelings attached to it seem to have disappeared somehow... Is this directly related to the symptoms above?

6) Studying is really hard atm... I'm in my senior year of University and was eager to start this last year of schooling untill DPDR hit me right before the start of the new schoolyear... It's even going so far that when I'm reading parts in my books I studied last year or so I remind myself of being changed due to having DPDR... It's like everything around me calls up memories from being me before having DPDR...

7) Not recognising myself when looking in the mirror.

These thoughts and feelings really are becoming a dread... It's from the moment on when I open my eyes in the morning untill I go to sleep that they constantly keep popping up, almost automatically...


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## Jsx1995 (May 7, 2012)

Sweet mother of god we have the same symptoms O_O'


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I know it's probably not comforting but those are all normal for dp/dr.


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## Cotillion (Oct 23, 2012)

Anon19 said:


> 6) Studying is really hard atm... I'm in my senior year of University and was eager to start this last year of schooling untill DPDR hit me right before the start of the new schoolyear... It's even going so far that when I'm reading parts in my books I studied last year or so I remind myself of being changed due to having DPDR... It's like everything around me calls up memories from being me before having DPDR...


Studying is hard because you make it hard. I managed to finish my Bachelor's degree while being depressed and dp'd as fuck. If you learn to control your anxiety you can study very well while being dp'd, remember that.


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## Aspire (Jan 6, 2013)

I have exactly the same symptoms (also the not been able to look people in the eyes thing).
Every time i'm saying something i have the feeling 'What have I just said?'... It feels like my memory is fading away and i'm not connected with reality anymore.
I'm also feeling depressed, I don't like doing social things (like stuff with friends) because I just know I'm never in the moment, everything is passing by and I'm not fully aware of everything... I'm doing everything automatically.

U have this too?

How do you cope with social things? Like family visits? I feel myself just sitting there and staring at unkown people. I'm not able to go into a conversation when more people are around me.


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## Anon19 (Jan 3, 2013)

Aspire said:


> I have exactly the same symptoms (also the not been able to look people in the eyes thing).
> Every time i'm saying something i have the feeling 'What have I just said?'... It feels like my memory is fading away and i'm not connected with reality anymore.
> I'm also feeling depressed, I don't like doing social things (like stuff with friends) because I just know I'm never in the moment, everything is passing by and I'm not fully aware of everything... I'm doing everything automatically.
> 
> ...


"_Every time i'm saying something i have the feeling 'What have I just said?'..._"

To me, when I say something I find my voice sounding strange... Strange, in a way that I don't recognize it as being the one I'm used of having.

_"It feels like my memory is fading away and i'm not connected with reality anymore"._

I do tend to say to myself that my memory is kinda 'blocked' it seems that some areas have been shut off and I'm only operating at some % of what my memory is capable of sort to say... It's like there's been put a limiter on and I'm feeling like I'm not living in the same 'reality' anymore than the one I used to live in before having DPDR... I know this is such a irrational thought because reality simply cannot change although it seems to be that way in some sort or another...

"_I'm also feeling depressed, I don't like doing social things (like stuff with friends) because I just know I'm never in the moment, everything is passing by and I'm not fully aware of everything... I'm doing everything automatically._"

I think I was 'depressed' even before DPDR hit me, without me actually knowing or acknowledging it... I know the feeling of _not being in the moment_ because DPDR is constantly interrupting my thought and feelings during these... I do know what is going and all but I'm not feeling or really participating 100% in the feelings and connections... e.g. this New Year's Eve when the countdown and all started, everyone is into the moment of counting down and celebrating the new year, but with me DPDR was constantly ruining the party mood and the feeling you get when a new year starts, it's always a special feeling, but I didn't experience it this time... The same goes for Xmas and the holidays, it just doesn't bring up any feelings at all... I can only go in my memories of previous years to find out how the feeling was. It's so strange to explain but it's really awful having it!

"_How do you cope with social things? Like family visits? I feel myself just sitting there and staring at unkown people. I'm not able to go into a conversation when more people are around me._"

I just try and make the best of it... I'm trying to go out as much as possible, but sometimes it just isn't possible... I'm taking it step by step and by what my body is telling me... I know I'll have to do it sometimes when my body is saying: "No, stay inside, don't go out you'll only feel strange and not normal!" It's not that I'm staring at _unknown_ ppl, I still know who everyone is but they just _feel_ different than before, it's really hard to explain and it's mostly because of the 'focussing on the eyes' part and them appearing to be as 'empty' people...
I'm not that much of a talkative person in general even before I got DPDR and I'm still able to have a conversation, but it all feels strange and unfamiliar in a way...

Another thing: in my visual presentation of my memory it's like a giant wall has fallen down on the day DPDR hit me and it's blocking the way to my past before having DPDR... It's like I'm trying to find a way to make this wall disappear or break down again so I can fully connect with the person I used to be!


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## Aspire (Jan 6, 2013)

Anon19 said:


> "_Every time i'm saying something i have the feeling 'What have I just said?'..._"
> 
> To me, when I say something I find my voice sounding strange... Strange, in a way that I don't recognize it as being the one I'm used of having.
> 
> ...


I also have the feeling my mind is blocking things so I can't fully participate in reality. I'm also feeling a barricade very intensly...Sometimes I even think I have dementia, but i'm able to remember things i used to do yesterday f.e. so then I think again no It's really DPDR (and I'm only 25). I do have problems thinking and concentrating (You have this too?), but not that much when I'm at work... I do my work and everything is done correctly, I ask my questions etc so no problem there.
Also, your description in people being empty is better then saying people are unknown to me...because I still know where I know these people from and who they are but they don't feel normal/close. I'm also staring and dreaming alot (u too?).

Also are you experiencing DPDR whole day long from until u wake up till u go to sleep? I feel most sane when I close my eyes and can sleep.
I have it whole day long but not always as intense...

As for my emotions. I think they're still there but not always... Like yesterday I even cried like a lil baby cuz my best friend called me to go out but I just couldn't...I won't have fun as I won't be experiencing it as I used to.

I also feel like I'm walking in a bubble. Also I'm always feeling sleepy, i get up in the morning as sleepy as I went to bed the day before... U have this too?


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## Anon19 (Jan 3, 2013)

Aspire said:


> I also have the feeling my mind is blocking things so I can't fully participate in reality. I'm also feeling a barricade very intensly...Sometimes I even think I have dementia, but i'm able to remember things i used to do yesterday f.e. so then I think again no It's really DPDR (and I'm only 25). I do have problems thinking and concentrating (You have this too?), but not that much when I'm at work... I do my work and everything is done correctly, I ask my questions etc so no problem there.
> Also, your description in people being empty is better then saying people are unknown to me...because I still know where I know these people from and who they are but they don't feel normal/close. I'm also staring and dreaming alot (u too?).
> 
> Also are you experiencing DPDR whole day long from until u wake up till u go to sleep? I feel most sane when I close my eyes and can sleep.
> ...


"_Also are you experiencing DPDR whole day long from until u wake up till u go to sleep? I feel most sane when I close my eyes and can sleep._
_I have it whole day long but not always as intense..._"

It's on my mind from the moment I open my eyes in the morning till I go to sleep at night, but it's just the thoughts that go through my head... I've got moments when I 'forget' thinking about it and then it comes back again... I continue this cycle all day long and I really don't know how to get out of this automatic thought habit... It seems I can't do anything about the thoughts popping up, they seem out of my control... I wish I could stop them, but I'm starting to get afraid that it's becoming a habit and I don't know how to break it... So indeed it's actually around all day long and some moments the thoughts are more intense than other moments!

"_As for my emotions. I think they're still there but not always... Like yesterday I even cried like a lil baby cuz my best friend called me to go out but I just couldn't...I won't have fun as I won't be experiencing it as I used to._"

I've cried on Xmas eve, but it felt like I was crying without any emotion... Tears were coming down my face, but I didn't feel sad inside sort to speak, really strange...

As for your work related questions, I too still do everything with the same utmost perfection or in a way I'd done it before having DPDR, it are just the irrational and strange thought patterns that keep interrupting the most normal actions!


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## Anon19 (Jan 3, 2013)

In addition to the symptoms I posted above, here are some more I'm currently having:

1) My hearing has become more sensitive to sudden & loud noises and I struggle when I'm in places with a lot of noise or when numerous ppl start talking to me... It's like I can't filter the incoming sounds clearly enough... It's start to become a 'mess' or at least unpleasant when I'm exposed to lots of different sounds at the same time

2) My sense of time has become different... Plus, I'm having trouble knowing what day of the week it is, it's like every day is the same one... Example: Usually when it's Sunday evening you're gutted about getting up early the next morning, on Monday the first day of the new week and you already start looking forward to Friday or the weekend, or at least I do/did... But know I don't have those feelings anymore, it's just: "Oh yes, it's Monday today... and tomorrow it's Tuesday... It's hard to explain, but I hope someone can relate!


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## mipmunk40 (Nov 13, 2012)

Yes I can relate, when I speak and I hear my voice it is like "who is that talking"? I have "Who Am I" in my head all the time, I constantly wonder where my identity and sense of self has gone. I am nervous of my own existence. The only break I get is when I am asleep. DP sucks, instead of protecting the very thing it was meant to, it destroys it.....


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## Anon19 (Jan 3, 2013)

Indeed, I just want this to stop and be over with...


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## Aspire (Jan 6, 2013)

Anon19, you also have the feeling like when someone is talking to you it just doesn't get through? You're like staring and watching but it seems like u forget to interpret the sayings.
Like what are you saying... oh yeah... then you reply but ur voice sounds weird like it's far away and I'm always thinking, what have I just said???

Sorry for all the questions, but i'm trying to deal with and to understand my DPDR


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## Anon19 (Jan 3, 2013)

Aspire said:


> Anon19, you also have the feeling like when someone is talking to you it just doesn't get through? You're like staring and watching but it seems like u forget to interpret the sayings.
> Like what are you saying... oh yeah... then you reply but ur voice sounds weird like it's far away and I'm always thinking, what have I just said???
> 
> Sorry for all the questions, but i'm trying to deal with and to understand my DPDR


I'm sorry, but I'm only having the 'not feeling related to your own voice' symptom... I'm still able to understand and interpret what someone is saying to me. I also don't have the feeling of 'what have I just said?'...

I guess it's different for each and every person... It depends on how your life has been and what you've been through I guess... Some symptoms are fairly general, others are more individual related, I guess...


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## Anon19 (Jan 3, 2013)

Bump


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## sherlock (Sep 30, 2011)

I have EXACTLY all those symptoms, and more.


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## mipmunk40 (Nov 13, 2012)

I know it just sucks, I might as well audition in the next zombie movie they make, cos I could play the part of a zombie, as I feel like one of the walking dead almost all the time anyway!!


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## Anon19 (Jan 3, 2013)

Pff, I really have no idea how I'm able to end this... I'm sick and tired of it!


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## bubbins (Jan 24, 2013)

I can relate to alot of the things you wrote..I have the same issue inregards to my hearing.Upto a certain level its cool but to many sounds at once or to loud and it all starts to become one big noise ..'mess''........and distressing...

I only really know what day of the week it is because of the tv guide.........days are days...........



mipmunk40 said:


> Yes I can relate, when I speak and I hear my voice it is like "who is that talking"? I have "Who Am I" in my head all the time, I constantly wonder where my identity and sense of self has gone. I am nervous of my own existence. The only break I get is when I am asleep. DP sucks, instead of protecting the very thing it was meant to, it destroys it.....


I am so glad i read what you have written.I can relate to this 100%..I blamed the "who am i" thinking on my psychosis..Agreed sleeping is the only thing that does stop the inner dialogue....Can it be atleast slowed down,the constant self conversation is like being stunned. I can acknowledge what people are saying to me..........but.I stare through them in a daze ...while im trying to think and talk over my inner voice.............................


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## Anon19 (Jan 3, 2013)

Another thing:

I've just finished my exams at University (which didn't went great due to dpdr) and normally when you're done you'll have this feeling of utter joy that your exams are finally over and that the holidays have started for you! Now, I don't feel any of that... Days just feel like days and all I want to do is just go back to sleep, which is another difficult thing to do because I'm having insomnia almost every night now...

Another thing, my family members begin to feel like 'strangers'... Strangers is perhaps the wrong word, but I feel like I'm losing 'connection'...

Also, it was my birthday today and it didn't even feel that way... I couldn't relate what so ever to this day which normally is one of the most important days in a whole year for someone, at least in my opinion... It all felt very strange, as if they were celebrating someone's birthday I barely know... Pfffff, it's really getting rough these days


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