# Self-Harm and Coping



## reserve

If anyone else has gone through this, I'd really like to know what helps-coping strategies, anything. 
Replies would be very appreciated!


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## Guest

I went through self-harm three years ago, but with the scars i soon turned to pulling hair... now i just don't have the time for it, I can sympathize with you thought.


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## CECIL

Self-harming is a valid and very effective way to cope with stress (I also have scars on my arm and shoulders from years of it). Try not to beat yourself up for self harming. There's no need to be ashamed about it or angry at yourself for doing it.

If you beat yourself up for it you'll just get stuck in cycles where it gets worse and worse. Its perfectly fine to use self harming as a coping mechanism if that's all you know how to do. If you try some other methods and then find yourself slipping back into old habbits, that's fine too, because you can pick it up where you left off.

Are you looking for other ways to deal with the stress besides self harming?

Well, a key point I think is that usually people self harm only when the stress has built up to incredible levels, OR when they are so out of it that they can't feel anything at all.

A very effective way of not letting it get to this stage is to be able to acknowledge and let out your emotions before they build up. Start a journal, find a confidant (i.e. close friend you trust), therapist or anyone who is willing to listen. From time to time, when you are feeling frustrated, just vent everything out.

It helps to acknowledge your emotions too, and just let them exist! If you find yourself feeling something but then are quick to let your inner voice say something like "You shouldn't feel that for X reason, you Ying Z!" then you know you have a problem. Try to look out for those inner monologues and stop them half way through. If you can, build up to the stage where you feel an emotion and then afterwards just say to yourself "I am feeling X because of Y, and that's perfectly fine". This is because a lot of the tension comes from denying your emotions so that they build up (from not being released) until the point that you need to self harm to cope.

If you aren't able to do those things (which is FINE too - it takes time and work to build it up) then there are other things you can do to relieve the stress. You can scream your lungs out into a pillow, find a punching bag and beat the shit out of it, or even go outside, pick up an axe and go to town on a piece of wood. Anything that gets you to physically exert yourself and express your emotions.

At first its difficult because you may not be used to allowing yourself to let your emotions out. Its actually very frightening to see how much distruction you are capable of. But it works! You feel much better afterwards with the addes bonus that you haven't hurt yourself in any way.

If you feel like trying some of these ideas, let me know how it goes


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## reserve

Thank you for the advice.
About it being a valid way to cope, I agree, because it helps when nothing else has. But my conscience won't listen and just thinking about it=GUILT TRIP. It's weird how the act of self-harm doesn't make me feel guilty, it's when I think about it that I hate it. 
I've tried keeping journals before but I can't seem to be able to write anymore. But I probably shoud try, because it can't really get any worse.
Thanks again!


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## CECIL

reserve said:


> But my conscience won't listen and just thinking about it=GUILT TRIP.


That's a really tough cycle to break out of 

Sorry but I can't give you a simple way to change that sort of thing because its very complex. Generally though its about learning to love and accept yourself and everything that you do as a valid expression of energy.


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## PPPP

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## reserve

It is a tough cycle to break out of, especially when you're not aware of it. It's difficult to trace the triggers, but it prob'ly just requires practice.

I wish I wasn't stereotyped about my self-harm, but at school, at home, everywhere, it gets so much negativity.  That's probably where the guilt comes from. I guess it's sorta ingrained in my mind that this is bad, even when I know it's better than nothing.

"When I feel like I want to cut I dig my nails into my arms (not somewhere visible) or I do something with my hands like drawing or sewing to get a physical distraction."
I usually put my hands under hot water. Well, not usually but if the bathroom's available. It works sometimes, and sometimes not.
I guess it's best not to bottle up negative feelings though.


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## CECIL

reserve said:


> I wish I wasn't stereotyped about my self-harm, but at school, at home, everywhere, it gets so much negativity.  That's probably where the guilt comes from. I guess it's sorta ingrained in my mind that this is bad, even when I know it's better than nothing.


Yes I think that's right. Social stigma surrounding self harm is very detrimental to people who need help. Its difficult, but you don't have to follow public opinion, you are allowed to make up your own mind.


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## Max_Power

Since struggling with self harm for almost 5 years and being through pretty much every treatment available in this country, the best thing to help a "cutter", dp and/or dr and/or da sufferer is dialectical behaviour therapy(so i've been told). I haven't seen much change in myself yet, but I'm still trying it. Also Cognitive behaviour therapy is supposed to help as well. If you don't want to or can't try therapy at the moment, I'll just suggest some coping strategies that I think would help with the whole selfharm and dp/dr mix. Mainly they should be something physical that you can feel. These are ones that have worked for me:

-Holding ice and squeezing hard. It can hurt and leaves no scars
-Venting in a journal or keeping a daily record helps keep me grounded and since my memory is shyt it gives me a sense of time.
-Get a marker out and just start writing all over your body, you can draw lines or something to resemble injuries you want to inflict, or words to describe how you feel, positive things, etc...

These are coping strategies from the secret shame website (http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html):

"*angry, frustrated, restless*
Try something physical and violent, something not directed at a living thing:
Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock. 
Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at. Cut and tear it instead of yourself. 
Flatten aluminum cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go. 
Hit a punching bag. 
Use a pillow to hit a wall, pillow-fight style. 
Rip up an old newspaper or phone book. 
On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do. Cut and tear the picture. 
Make Play-Doh or Sculpey or other clay models and cut or smash them. 
Throw ice into the bathtub or against a brick wall hard enough to shatter it. 
Break sticks. 
I've found that these things work even better if I rant at the thing I am cutting/tearing/hitting. I start out slowly, explaining why I am hurt and angry, but sometimes end up swearing and crying and yelling. It helps a lot to vent like that.
Crank up the music and dance. 
Clean your room (or your whole house). 
Go for a walk/jog/run. 
Stomp around in heavy shoes. 
Play handball or tennis.

*sad, soft, melancholy, depressed, unhappy*
Do something slow and soothing, like taking a hot bath with bath oil or bubbles, curling up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book, babying yourself somehow. Do whatever makes you feel taken care of and comforted. Light sweet-smelling incense. Listen to soothing music. Smooth nice body lotion into the parts or yourself you want to hurt. Call a friend and just talk about things that you like. Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read. Visit a friend.

*craving sensation, feeling depersonalized, dissociating, feeling unreal*_
Do something that creates a sharp physical sensation: 
Squeeze ice hard (this really hurts). (Note: putting ice on a spot you want to burn gives you a strong painful sensation and leaves a red mark afterward, kind of like burning would.) 
Put a finger into a frozen food (like ice cream) for a minute. 
Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root. 
Rub liniment under your nose. 
Slap a tabletop hard. 
Snap your wrist with a rubber band. 
Take a cold bath. 
Stomp your feet on the ground. 
Focus on how it feels to breathe. Notice the way your chest and stomach move with each breath. 
[NOTE]_

*wanting focus*
Do a task (a computer game like tetris or minesweeper, writing a computer program, needlework, etc) that is exacting and requires focus and concentration. 
Eat a raisin mindfully. Pick it up, noticing how it feels in your hand. Look at it carefully; see the asymmetries and think about the changes the grape went through. Roll the raisin in your fingers and notice the texture; try to describe it. Bring the raisin up to your mouth, paying attention to how it feels to move your hand that way. Smell the raisin; what does it remind you of? How does a raisin smell? Notice that you're beginning to salivate, and see how that feels. Open your mouth and put the raisin in, taking time to think about how the raisin feels to your tongue. Chew slowly, noticing how the texture and even the taste of the raisin change as you chew it. Are there little seeds or stems? How is the inside different from the outside? Finally, swallow. 
Choose an object in the room. Examine it carefully and then write as detailed a description of it as you can. Include everything: size, weight, texture, shape, color, possible uses, feel, etc. 
Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it. 
Pick a subject and research it on the web. 
Try some of the games and distractions at digibeet's page; she's assembled a lot of distractions.

*wanting to see blood*
Draw on yourself with a red felt-tip pen. 
Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out. 
Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that you've made by dropping six or seven drops of red food color into each of the ice-cube tray wells. 
Paint yourself with red tempera paint.

*wanting to see scars or pick scabs*
Get a henna tattoo kit. You put the henna on as a paste and leave it overnight; the next day you can pick it off as you would a scab and it leaves an orange-red mark behind. 
Another thing that helps sometimes is the fifteen-minute game. Tell yourself that if you still want to harm yourself in 15 minutes, you can. When the time is up, see if you can go another 15. I've been able to get through a whole night that way before. "

Try browsing around that site, it has alot of helpful information. Here it is again and a few others:
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/fself.html
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/ (lots of great disctractions and stuff here)
http://www.selfharm.org/index.html
http://self-injury.net/links/information/ there's a list of websites that can be helpful too.

I hope all goes well. Take care.


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## CECIL

Wow Max, those are some great suggestions! Thanks for that.

Would you mind telling us a bit about dialectical behaviour therapy? I've heard of CBT before but not the former.


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## Max_Power

CECIL said:


> Wow Max, those are some great suggestions! Thanks for that.
> 
> Would you mind telling us a bit about dialectical behaviour therapy? I've heard of CBT before but not the former.


No problem, i'm always good for some advice regarding staying safe. :wink:

DBT is known for treating Borderline Personality Disorder but is very useful for many people who do not have this disorder. (My doctors have been telling me it's the best thing for my DP/DR/DA/self harm combo) I don't know if anyone else out there has tried it but I find it alot better than the usual therapy like seeing a doctor, then talking about the same damn things over and over again and getting no where. In DBT there is an actual therapy plan already set up in place. I'll tell you how they do it here, and I think it's the same for anywhere else too. This is pretty much how it works:

Goals of DBT:
-decreasing high-risk suicidal behaviors 
-decreasing responses or behaviors (by either therapist or patient) that interfere with therapy 
-decreasing behaviors that interfere with/reduce quality of life 
-decreasing and dealing with post-traumatic stress responses _(which includes dissociative disorders)_
-enhancing respect for self 
-acquisition of the behavioral skills taught in group 
-additional goals set by patient

Once a week you attend a 2 to 2 and a half hour group session with a moderator(s) and other patients dealing with various problems but mainly self-harm. Some have drug and alcohol problems, some are suicidal, some have anxiety, it really doesnt matter what is wrong because the group sessions focus on life skills training which can be used by anyone, self-harmer or not. 
There are four "modules" in the group sessions. They take up approximately 4 days once weekly (so around a month) to complete.

They are:
-interpersonal effectiveness
-distress tolerance/reality acceptance skills _(I haven't started this yet)_
-emotion regulation _(I haven't started this yet either)_
-mindfulness skills _(which is best for dp/dr)_

Also included in DBT is individual sessions with one of the therapists who moderate the group sessions. You meet a minimum of once a week and work on individual problems in a fairly indepth way. It all is very organized and planned out from day one so you actually feel like you're getting somewhere. You also discuss how the group is going and what would help even more. This is a great place to work thoroughly on your dissociative symptoms.

It's known to be a very effective form of therapy and is available to adults and youth. I dont know how available it is to everyone because for me, the DBT sessions i'm attending for youth is the first ever done in this city. So it's very new here and I'm glad I got a chance to be one of the first few who got to try it. I really do suggest it to anyone needing more structured help or just a different approach.

Also what's good is that you can stop at any time and come back at the start of a new module. You can repeat the modules as many times as you'd like. It's very flexible but does expect commitment. I had to agree to miss no more than 3 sessions in group or with the individual therapist. (i have already missed more due to hospitalizations but if you have a valid reason then i'm sure they will be flexible). If you do miss more than 3 for no real reason, they will ask you to leave and come back when you're ready to be more committed. The groups i find can be really fun. They are never stressful or difficult but can be a bit boring at times in all honestly. But it's all valid and useful information and i enjoyed having other people there. I always feel like i'm in the spotlight speaking to someone 1 to 1. So this way, i get the best of both worlds.

Jeeze i never thought i would ever speak so highly of therapy... :?

Anyhoos, here are a few websites with lot's of information about it if anyone is interested:
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/index.html (this has plenty of examples of what you do in the sessions)
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/dbt.html


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## CECIL

Thanks Max, it sounds like you're enjoying it and that it will be helpful for you. I think the group sessions would be quite helpful because its always good to share what you're going through with other people and see that they are in the same boat.


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