# Dear recovered people



## Mandaaa101 (Jun 18, 2016)

Please tell me that you gain your sense of self back. Everything looks real to me. Everything feels real. Why don't I feel like I know who I am? Is there a logical explanation? Will this come back to me. That's my barrier between me and full recovery


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## Mandaaa101 (Jun 18, 2016)

Ok. How to work on the depersonalization. Guys any tips? I just feel odd now. It's not giving me panic attacks it's just killing my mood now.

***TIPS TO OVERCOME THE SENSE OF SELF***


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Hi I'm feeling the exact same as you are I only get that dreamy derealizatuon on odd occasions which is great but the lose of self is super strong I'm sorry your having the same


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Hi I feel the same as you describe I get derealization on occasion but have lose of self


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## Mandaaa101 (Jun 18, 2016)

Guys.this honestly blows. I go from being happy and feeling great to nervous that I'll never be good again to depressed cause it's been 2 years to super nervous because I'm not a depressed person to happy again all in 15 minutes. My god this is driving me nuts.


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## Mandaaa101 (Jun 18, 2016)

Racing thoughts r unreal today. Need some help


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## Guest (Jul 13, 2016)

I have a lost sense of self lately too. It's getting strong. It's like my symptoms shifted to this. I can't even believe I'm a human. It freaks me out.


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

I've got bad racing thoughts since yesterday I have ocd so my minds racing with obsessions it feels like I'm nuts . Also I keep feeling not myself it's awful


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## Mandaaa101 (Jun 18, 2016)

Sucks so bad. Now I'm fine though. Literally enjoying myself.


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Mandaaa do you still feel lose of self ? I feel myself tons more the last three days which is fantastic yet there's still something off or wrong like I'm not 100% comfortable with myself and life wondering weather you can relate to what I'm describing helps to not be alone ? I hope your feeling better


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## Mandaaa101 (Jun 18, 2016)

Yes I agree^


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## Mansoor (Jun 17, 2016)

These are some line by a fully Recovered person:

When I recovered I got to the point where I felt like 99.9% better but something was still just off. I couldn't put my finger on it but it was like this last little bit of distortion in my perception. I woke up the next morning looked around and it was gone. I was completely better.


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## Mandaaa101 (Jun 18, 2016)

Yes that sounds great. But the anxiety is killing me right now. Not sure what it is from - could possibly be the fact that I keep telling myself I'll never get better? Not sure. Just need help though for sure


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## Mansoor (Jun 17, 2016)

I have sonething for u read it.
← Recovery Stories!

Depersonalization Community
»
MY DETAILED GUIDE / MANUAL TO OVERCOME DP/DR
Like This
Tropical Paradise
15 May 2011
Hello,

This my first post on dpselfhelp. Apologies for the LONG post, i have a lot to get through.

I'm close to a year with drug induced DP/DR, feelings of unreality, anxiety and depression. I'm coming out of the DP/DR and the anxiety levels are a lot better now. I'm starting to live again and things are becoming very positive. I'm not fully recovered yet and still have a way to go but I'm close enough to write this and i think it could be of some help. 
I've been here and to other websites a thousand times, read and re-read a thousand posts but never posted anything as after i knew what was happening all i wanted was for this feeling go away. It's not helpful or relevant for me to be coming here anymore but since this forum has helped me a lot i wanted to leave something here that hopefully can help someone else in the same position. Sorry if this does not cover some of the trauma and abuse DP/DR people please read it and i hope you get something out if it.

There are two parts to this post, the first is the story of my experience with DP/DR / Anxiety and the second part is my manual/guide to get in control and integrate what has happened / is happening and recover from DP/DR. There is no single thing you can do, this is a list of the things and ideas that i think are very important.

PART 1

I had a bad trip / panic attack on mushrooms almost a year ago which was the trigger for my DP/DR. I was at a point where i was completely exhausted from years of stressful late nights studying design at university, working at the same time, with some anxiety and depression from feeling i wasn't where i wanted to be with things and the LAST thing i should have been doing was pushing the limits with hallucinogens. The first night of the weekend was perfect, we ran around a huge beach/cliff front coastal property owned by a family friend in the Otway ranges (Australia) under a full sky of stars exploring the tree fern covered gully's and forest, laughing and enjoying the trip the whole night. One of the best nights i have ever had with my friends.

The second night was pushing the envelope, no one wanted to do mushrooms again but we did it anyway. Wrong setting, wrong start to the night, took way too much. Was not fun at all. Three hours of pure panic attack heart pumping out of my chest feeling like i was going to die and having a bad trip that seemed to last forever. During the next week things seemed VERY different. It was as if i only existed in my thoughts, i was totally detached from myself and nothing seemed real. I had no idea what was happening and i was 100% sure i had lost my mind and gone crazy. Every day all i experienced was fear and panic and at night i slept with the light on so i had some reference point of reality from the fucking CRAZY racing thoughts and panic. Every morning i opened my eyes to experience this every second of the day up to when i went to sleep. 
Over the next 6-8 months i totally withdrew from my friends and family experiencing the worst depression and anxiety that i was one step away from totally losing control and being checked into psychiatric care to remain there for the rest of my life, every day they were asking what was the matter and i went from being a very confident outgoing person to giving one word answers because the sound of my own voice was so foreign and i didn't feel any connection to myself, my family, friends and anything around me.

My experience in detail;
- Feeling like i had lost myself only my thoughts remained.
- Feeling very detached/diassociated from reality.
- Feeling very disconnected from myself.
- Not honestly smiling or laughing/feeling joy for months on end.
- Fear of losing control, losing my mind or that i already had.
- Very quiet and withdrawn, not wanting to see/speak to my friends or family.
- Panic attacks 10/20 times a day, happening at any point in the day for no reason.
- Racing, racing thoughts. Totally uncontrollable direction/content all day.
- Feeling very foggy/cloudy/fuzzy in the head.
- Very irrational thinking, overanalysing everything to it's inevitable disastrous ending.
- Loud tinnitus (ringing in the ears) from the very first day to this moment.
- Memory disassociation, feeling like my past memories experiences happened to someone else.
- Memory loss, knowing that i was somewhere or doing something during the day but had no memory of experiencing it. 
- Only experiencing distress all day all night at the prospect of living like this for ever. Pure distress.
- Concentration/focus completely lost. Could not complete simple tasks or focusing took great deal of effort.
- As if life is happening to someone else, I'm observing life as it passes me by.
- I have no emotions cannot connect with anyone or anything.
- Loss of confidence and high level social anxiety.
- Loss of sex drive and any interest.
- Constantly self monitoring for any sign of change. Obsessive about what was happening to me, thought about it all day.
- Spending HOURS on the internet searching for anxiety, derealisation, depersonalisation, personality disorders, 
mental disorders, brain tumors, blood problems, psychotic episodes, forums, wikipedia, health sites, blogs, youtube etc. etc.
- I've had about 10 doctors appointments, full blood tests, hearing tests for the tinnitus which went as far as MRI's looking for tumors. 
- Feeling like giving up and what is the point to a life like this. The way i describe it is if someone had a gun to my head i really wouldn't care.

The worst fucking experience of my life.

PART 2

ALMOST EVERYTHING I HAVE WRITTEN ABOVE IS NO LONGER HAPPENING. 
- I HAVE TINNITUS
- I HAVE SOME ANXIETY STILL.
- I'M DOING MORE THINGS WITH MY LIFE THAN I DID BEFORE THIS EXPERIENCE BECAUSE OF IT AND THE THINGS WRITTEN ABOVE SEEM LIKE THE MOST FOREIGN THINGS TO ME NOW.

MY FIRST MESSAGE IS THIS;

FROM WHAT I EXPERIENCED OVER ALMOST A YEAR TO RIGHT NOW..

â€¢ YOU WILL NOT BE LIKE THIS FOREVER, IT WILL PASS WITH TIME. (Read this a thousand times if you need to). 
â€¢ YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY.
â€¢ YOU HAVE NOT LOST YOUR MIND.
â€¢ YOU HAVE NOT RUINED YOUR LIFE.
â€¢ YOU DON'T HAVE A BLOOD DISEASE.
â€¢ YOU DON'T HAVE A MENTAL DISORDER.
â€¢ YOU DON'T HAVE ALZHEIMER'S.
â€¢ YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OF THE BAD THINGS YOU THOUGHT YOU HAVE OR LOOKED UP OR HAVE BEEN TESTED FOR.
â€¢ YOU ARE STILL YOURSELF AND YOU WILL BE YOURSELF AGAIN.
â€¢ YOU DO NOT NEED ANTIDEPRESSANTS, AND ANXIETY MEDICATION. STAND UP WALK OUT THE DOOR AND RUN SOMEWHERE AND BACK.

THE DEPERSONALISATION AND DEREALISATION WILL PASS WITH TIME AND HARD WORK. IT WILL NOT BE LIKE THIS FOREVER.

PART 2.1

This is the difficult part, both for me to write well and for you to DO.

1. Read this post. It is an excellent description of DP/DR from start to finish it covers everything and my experience has followed it almost exactly. The most important part is to read the bottom paragraph. Again, PRINT IT and read it a thousand times. Use this when seeing doctors, telling your parents, talking to trusted friends about it. It means they know exactly what is happening not what you 'feel' is happening, they can be very different sometimes. You have been living with this everyday but for the person you're telling some of the descriptions of how you're feeling and experiencing the world might be confusing and distressing even for healthcare professionals i know my doctor had no idea what i was talking about. 
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/13358-the-old-intro-page/scroll down 
http://answers.yahoo...10013023AAmfeqn

2. Read this post. PRINT IT and read it a thousand times. I have had a printed copy for six months. Force these positive things and ideas into your head and DO them, even if you do one a day/week/month. IT'S ALL THERE FOR YOU TO DO.
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/20892-the-holy-grail-of-curing-dpdr/

3. Read this book. Again, it's describes the symptoms and feelings very accurately it goes to the next step of explaining why you feel/think like this and gives a very different perspective on things from a medical perspective not someone who has experienced it like I'm doing. Trauma, drug induced etc. are all covered in it. It describes the treatment options and how they work. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Depersonalization-Disorder-Mindfulness-Acceptance/dp/1572247061/ref=pd_sim_b_5

4. Watch this video. This is a Charles LInden youtube video. It describes the mechanism of flight or flight response and why when you are a highly anxious person you have a constant flow of chemicals that are designed to get you out of harm in the best way possible. That's the important part that you don't just turn and run away/swing your fists in the general direction of the fight, your brain will work out the best way for you to avoid perceived danger or deal with a a situation by thinking of and analysing all the possible scenarios that may occur given the information it is presented with. For me this is was KEY to realising all the things I'm panicking about and thinking of in the WORST CASES is just Anxiety. Why did i think i had a mental disorder, brain tumor, going to lose control and end up in a psychiatric ward day after day for months and months, all because I'm in fight or flight anxiety/panic mode which make me think what is the worst thing that can happen in this situation? It's the same now as it was walking on the serengeti plains thousands of years ago, you hear a rustle in the bushes that may be a lion, instantly you assess all your options to their final conclusions.
ANXIEY charles linden

PART 2.2

All of the above are things that reassured and gave me the understanding and explanations i needed of what was happening. They helped a great deal. 
The next things are what you must do to reconnect with yourself and the real world.

1. One thing that changed the way i see this whole experience of the last year was something one of my close friends said to me and one of only about six people i have talked to about this..

"This shouldn't be something that is ignored and separated, this is a story which should be ingrained and connected to your whole"

This was by far the most connecting concept for me. There is so much focus on getting 'better', getting 'back to normal' feeling 'myself' or '100%' what ever it is, it's about focussing on a day, in the future when everything is going to be okay and this is done at the cost of living in the now. The now or today suffers because you're living for and working towards that time in the future when everything will be okay. All i wanted was for this whole experience to stop and i was fighting against it every way i could. What has helped the most of every thing i have read, watched, done is ACCEPTING and INTEGRATING what i've experienced. That It's not something happening to me or separate from me. I'm not fighting it anymore and each day i feel better and happier about the whole situation. It has taken me HOURS and HOURS of reading, talking, writing and thinking about this to get to this point and for months i was thinking HOW THE FUCK DO I ACCEPT THIS???? it's written in the books and other posts and everyone is saying to do it, HOW THE FUCK DO I ACCEPT THIS???? It's living in the NOW. Not living for the day when everything is okay. LIVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE NOW!

2. You need to speak to your parents, family or loved ones or close friends. Speak to people you trust. See a psychiatrist, see a psychologist. Speak to someone. Everything you have thought up in your head can be stopped in one sentence from another person in the same room looking you in the eye TALKING to you. NOT on the internet, NOT in a book, NOT on youtube. SPEAK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT. VERY IMPORTANT.

3. GET OFF THE INTERNET. DELETE your dpselfhelp account and every email or update you're been sent, delete your youtube account where you talk about DP/DR. Delete the bookmarks and all the websites you go to. You can spend your life on here looking for the right things to read and reassurances. EVERYTHING you need is in the articles linked above, nothing more nothing less. The internet is perfect for escaping and avoiding the real world. GO OUTSIDE, GO FOR A WALK, GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND NOT SAY A THING, GO TO A NIGHTCLUB OR GIG BY YOURSELF. DO ANYTHING THAT IS NOT ON THE INTERNET.

4. You NEED a job, if' you're at school get a job outside of school. It gives you value as a human being and one of the most important things as a human is to be valued and connected to community or society this happens by working. Every single person before us has had to do it. Get a job if you don't have one. When you HAVE to spend time doing something other than what you want to do the value of your own time increases and you start to think more about the things you want to DO and in this case the things you SHOULD be doing.

5. It's listed in the linked articles above, the things you SHOULD do are things like see friends, cook a meal, go outside for a run, see a movie, listen to music, go to a gig, go and get a coffee, go to the beach, go swimming, read a book, drive somewhere. Do as much as you can with other people. Not the longest list but the important things to do are the sensorial activities (a lot is written about this in the book that is linked above). I recently went surfing and it was one of the best experiences for DP/DR the water was freezing and the waves were bigger than i should have been out in. It was pure exhilaration and enjoyment for two hours all of which matched with the feeling of the sand under your feet the undertow on your body and waves slamming you around, smell of the salty air and taste of salt water on your lips with the sound of waves and water around you. It was THE most reconnecting thing i have done in the last year. I really felt alive. EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE. RUN AT 3:00AM AS LONG AS YOU ARE EXERCISING.

6. EAT HEALTHY, DRINK A LOT OF WATER, DEVELOP A FUCK IT APPROACH.

THAT'S IT.

This post is almost a year in the making sorry it's so long but it's the only way i know how to do it.

Ciao, all the best and GOOD LUCK. Please share this if you think it could help someone. 
I don't have any more time to give to DP/DR so this will be my only post, all i can say is GO OUTSIDE AND LIVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE! (if i could write this big enough to take up the whole screen i would)

Enjoy.
Austin.
Quote
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Avalanche
15 May 2011
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Guest_Lowrey_*
15 May 2011
I experienced about the same symptoms as the OP. The only difference is that my trigger wasn't mushroom, but whyskey.

And I'm about 90% recovered, and it's not the optimisn talking. I still have a few hours every week when I feel bad, especially if I have a little hangover.

BUT the reason I'm posting is to CONFIRM what the OP says.

Quote
â€¢ YOU WILL NOT BE LIKE THIS FOREVER, IT WILL PASS WITH TIME. (Read this a thousand times if you need to). 
â€¢ YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY.
â€¢ YOU HAVE NOT LOST YOUR MIND.
â€¢ YOU HAVE NOT RUINED YOUR LIFE.
â€¢ YOU DON'T HAVE A BLOOD DISEASE.
â€¢ YOU DON'T HAVE A MENTAL DISORDER.
â€¢ YOU DON'T HAVE ALZHEIMER'S.
â€¢ YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OF THE BAD THINGS YOU THOUGHT YOU HAVE OR LOOKED UP OR HAVE BEEN TESTED FOR.
â€¢ YOU ARE STILL YOURSELF AND YOU WILL BE YOURSELF AGAIN.
â€¢ YOU DO NOT NEED ANTIDEPRESSANTS, AND ANXIETY MEDICATION. STAND UP WALK OUT THE DOOR AND RUN SOMEWHERE AND BACK.

I'd add one to the list. Take those TERRIBLE thoughts you have now about anything, and just know that they are ALSO NOT TRUE.

this is very important to understand it. read these sentences every day if you need it. I don't know for sure WHY I had those crazy, terrible racing and pessimist thoughts, and especially WHY THEY FELT 100% true. But they are not true, NOTHING, NOTHING is lost. At ALL. I know how hard it is to believe it if you're in that hell. Even hell must be better. But nothing is lost. Not your personality, not your life, life IS NOT what you see it through DP/Anxiety. It's nothing like it.
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Guest_Lisa32_*
15 May 2011
Hi thanks for posting...good advice! It is always good to be on the other side of life...but this time around you are stronger!
I am still in the process of accepting the changes in my body. I also had this happen to me because of a bad mushroom trip almost a year ago in August.
I know the brain can heal. The mind is powerful. "You think, therefore you are" is a very profound saying...as long as we continue to believe we can heal and move forward...we will do so.
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