# Well, guys... Fearless is on to something about narcissistic abuse



## Guest (Jan 31, 2014)

I visited a subbreddit for narcissistic abuse, and I asked if anyone had depersonalization, all six people that responded said "yes", or just never knew what it was called but experienced similar feelings. Although it was only a couple of people, I doubt that it's coincidence.


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https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1wku6c


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## Guest (Jan 31, 2014)

I've never been more fully convinced now. I definitely want to hear more stories from other people that were raised by narcissists.


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## Guest (Jan 31, 2014)

Recovering from dp is about you. It's about how to help yourself, and in order to do that you need to focus on you. You need to love and care for yourself and understand yourself.

It can be helpful to know what's happened in your past to make you dissociative, but it's not essential.

My parents sold me into a world of child pornography and child prostitution all for the name of money and power, greed and gluttony. My dad would drive me to mens houses on the weekends and fill his wallet with cash while a group of men had their way with me. Of course I despise every atom my parents were ever made of, but I don't spend much time anything thinking about them any more, b/c my life is not about them, it's about me, and how I feel.. I want to live a life in peace not saturated in anger.

I think it's important to acknowledge what happened in your past and the way it's shaped you&#8230; but I think it's more important to look after yourselves right here, right now. Make your life better in spite of everything that's ever happened.!

My advice is get in touch with any anger that might be inside about the way you were brought up, and release it&#8230; draw it, yell it, scream it, talk it, growl it, write it&#8230;. express it... and then go and do something nice for yourself&#8230;.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Yes but not all people with dp have endured narcissistic abuse...
And why do drugs trigger this shit and nothing else? I know I had borderline personality before dp and also my own issues with self hate about my calves which I believe is the root cause to my dp

There are others on here who have not been raised by narcissts...my brother is a sensitive type why doesn't he have dp? He was picked on just as much as I was, he is very closed up emotionally but he still does not have dp..it goes much deeper then just abuse by ur parents, it also includes whether u were bullied or not, whether u hated urself or not etc


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Philos I still can't believe that u went thru that in ur childhood that rlly sickens me!


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

That article also outlines that narcissists are wounded ppl who have false selves and they need to defense themselves from "being found out" perfect example of a shame based person


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

The big point about a narcissist is that they have no empathy. It's funny but my parents were very hard- nosed, no excuses type of people who didn't want to hear any ifs ands or buts out of anyone since it wasn't convenient to them and I think that's narcissism in a nutshell, when someone shows us no empathy. We tolerate it of course because when we've been trained to appease we just label that lack of empathy 'tough love' and as someone 'not enabling our bad behaviors' so we just continue to deny what hurts and tolerate this lack of empathy/ narcissistic abuse and continue to get traumatized until we wake up in dissociation land. It's important to trust your feelings straight away because they can often tell you that something isn't right way before your mind has a chance to try and rationalize and deny.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Narcissists have wounds, that's why they create a shame based false self, because who they are doesn't cut the mustard for them

http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201201/lack-empathy-the-most-telling-narcissistic-trait


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless said:


> The article does not say anything like that, and you know it, but you INTENTIONALLY trying to discredit what I say, out of resentment. You are pathetic.
> 
> The "false self" of Ns is not a defense, it is a TACTIC they use to manipulate people.


Now read the following CAREFULLY fearless...

"Due to their own lack of receiving reasonably attuned care-giving as a child (whether it was being under protected or over protected), the narcissist does not develop the authentic "True Self" that is necessary for confident living. A disregard of the child's basic needs disturbs their development of self-esteem and the ability to function effectively. In order to protect themselves, they invest a lot of energy building up defenses. One of those defenses to is develop a "False Self"; which is a mask of behaviour that allows them to put on a show of being real in public. However, this pretense leaves the narcissist constantly guarding themselves from being "found out", making them overly sensitive to narcissistic injury. Narcissistic injury is any perceived threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's self-esteem or self-worth. "

Ur so thick and narrow minded it's unfuckingbelievable!!!!

Why the fuk u think an abuser becomes an abuser !? Coz they were fuking abused themselves u either become a victim or an abuser.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

People who lack empathy are closed up emotionally and have become hard because they have been abused and there feelings and needs were not attended too growing up it's pretty simple and straight forward


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Ur real mature fearless I can tell that u r not completely healed aswel go and fuking work on urself more 
Psychopaths are not narcissts and far from it, I don't actually know much about them and I don't rlly need too and at least I can admit that.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Well look I'm not saying all narcs are the same there are many different severities. But I know my dad was pretty bad but I also know that he's wounded.

Psychopaths I'm pretty sure are born that way, no one is born a narcissist it just happens from growing up in an abusive and neglectfull environment, OR from being overly spoiled as a child and treated superior


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## Guest (Feb 6, 2014)

I reckon if we put missjess and Fearless in the same room&#8230;.. only ONE of them would walk out and there'd be a VERY big mess to clean up! lol


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## NEEDMOREBLAZE (Apr 8, 2013)

They're always going at it, it's like a comedy routine


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

I agree with MissJess psychopaths are a different breed of dysfunction, but I think it must have roots in abuse too. Philos, the way you talk about what you went through, I still can't wrap my head around it. I mean I just can't get how 5 days a week you're being dropped off and picked up at school, normal parental duties, and then on the weekends you become a cash cow to exploit by random strangers. I can't believe the world we're living in.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Fearless, narcissists care how they appear to the world, they have a 'front'. They care about their image and carefully cultivate it. If you step on their toes you deal with their narcissistic rage. Very textbook stuff. Psychopaths don't care about having a front, they are what they are and get away with whatever they can. They have no 'false self', which is the hallmark of a narcissist. Dealing with a psychopath will do more damage than dealing with a narcissist.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

They are different deal with it!

http://powercommunicating.com/articles/Differentiating%20Narcissists%20and%20Psychopaths.pdf


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## Guest (Feb 7, 2014)

I just have a problem knowing which parent has influenced me more. I'm pretty sure it's my mom, but I express myself to her more than my dad...


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Fearless you are the hopeless one, hopeless in your need for control, hopeless in your need to be right. Most of us are on here to work through our issues but you are here to be dismissive of anything that goes against what you have to say for the sake of a power trip. Pathetic!


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Fearless said:


> Go and heal a Narcissist's wounds.


That's not my purpose in life. But there you go again with your need to have the last word and to be negative and not wish someone well or to belittle someone for dealing with a situation they can't escape as a sneaky way to feel better about yourself.


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## CharlieFreak (Nov 19, 2012)

wise said:


> That's not my purpose in life. But there you go again with your need to have the last word and to be negative and not wish someone well or to belittle someone for dealing with a situation they can't escape as a sneaky way to feel better about yourself.


Here, I'll tell you in a nice way.

"I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I respect you're opinion, but I do believe otherwise. I believe there is a very specific formulated cause for these feelings and there's a very good chance it could apply to you! I hope you take my beliefs into consideration."

Ok now please carefully consider what he has to say it's actually worth shit. Everybody argues with him here because nobody wants to face the situation for how it is (dissociation). I think he is very aggressive because he knows this will help you and wants you to resolve your situation.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

CharlieFreak said:


> Here, I'll tell you in a nice way.
> 
> "I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I respect you're opinion, but I do believe otherwise. I believe there is a very specific formulated cause for these feelings and there's a very good chance it could apply to you! I hope you take my beliefs into consideration."
> 
> Ok now please carefully consider what he has to say it's actually worth shit. Everybody argues with him here because nobody wants to face the situation for how it is (dissociation). I think he is very aggressive because he knows this will help you and wants you to resolve your situation.


That was clearly addressed to MissJess. You really don't need to be condescending and deign to tell me anything in a 'nice' way. Fearless here insists on always being right and any objection to that seems to be a problem for him. I sent a link that says there is a valid difference between narcissism and psychopathy to back up Miss Jess's point but that has hit a nerve with Fearless because he doesn't like being made to look like he doesn't know it all and has to resort to name calling. It's obvious that he's here more to boost his own ego than to help others. You don't help others by belittling them. Ever.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless said:


> And they are wounded LOL. Kiss them :grin: Call Missjess and you should open a Charity For Narcissists, and donate to the poor wounded souls.
> 
> You both are hopeless, absolutely.
> 
> Thank you for giving me lesson in provocation. I still sit up but I'm starting to learn to realize when people are themselves know that I'm right, but still desperately writing stupidity just to disagree.


Get over urself!! Perhaps u urself are a narcissist bcoz u can "never be wrong" why the fuk wud u call everyone else stupid because they know otherwise and it is a well known Fact everything that wise said about narcissts is right. Come on fearless even the lady that wrote the article u showed us said the exact same thing and now u call her wrong!

I have met 1 psychopath in my life it was a guy I went to go and meet up with a number of years ago and that was a very sick person. He had no shame and he took pleasure in pushing people's buttons and messing with ppls emotions very very different compared to a narcisst. He even played sick games to twist people he didn't care at all how he was and who knew he has had no remorse since he was born


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Narcissts are wounded so get the fuk over it!

I'm not saying that I feel sorry for them or that the way they are is acceptable by all means it's fkn not but I know my dad's background and I know all about narcissts, I could find a 1000 articles to prove that they are wounded ppl. I'm not saying to have a pity party or any sympathy for them, fuk I still don't talk to my dad and I like it that way.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Articles about narcissts being wounded:

http://www.mindspring.com/~ragrossman/narcissism.html

http://www.angriesout.com/grown17.htm

They explain it very well especially the second one


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## Guest (Feb 7, 2014)

Fearless - not everyone is going to agree with ya. You can't expect that.

Calling people hopeless is like throwing fuel on a fire. They're going to keep hitting *regardless of what is said *when you believe you are trying to help.

Not telling you what to do but a recommendation, from experience - if you slightly change your approach many people who are "hitting" may start reading your points, have fluid discussion about it, etc.

We've taken a lot of flak for not moderating this stuff but I also know you have a lot of pain too. I'm sorry you do.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Administrator it's disappointing you'd say that us people are here just to keep 'hitting' at him especially when it's obvious we are just trying to clarify something. You're not even addressing that how he reacts is abusive and toxic. His reaction pretty much sums up how a narcissist reacts actually so he is a good case study.


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## Guest (Feb 8, 2014)

wise said:


> Administrator it's disappointing you'd say that us people are here just to keep 'hitting' at him especially when it's obvious we are just trying to clarify something. You're not even addressing that how he reacts is abusive and toxic. His reaction pretty much sums up how a narcissist reacts actually so he is a good case study.


There is no "us people", I'm sorry if you read it as such.

This is a community of people who are looking for answers. Fearless is in the same boat. Despite what he may say, or he wouldn't be posting. I don't know the guy and that's just my opinion looking in from the outside.

No one has the right answer, or this site wouldn't be here. Also, in the same breathe, no one should be singled out, even if it may appear to be "deserved".

There are very different ways of suffering and I'll defend anyone that is. I'm not perfect nor do I claim to be or portray it. I am quite humble in my ways naturally, so my apologies for it.


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## flat (Jun 18, 2006)

I kinda missed all the fun here lately and now I'll never understand exactly what fearless said since all his posts are gone. But I'll try to get a middle ground that leans towards both sides.

What narcissists do is certainly wrong but they may have had no choice to develop that way...almost like we, in a way, had no choice but to develop dp.

Leaning towards fearless's side, maybe the more we accept their behavior towards us as "understandable",..the more we "ok" our own reaction of dp...which may take us longer to get out of in the long term. We have to fight tooth and nail against our dp just as strong as to the narcissists who put us here.

Something like that.

I still find it abhorrent that narcissists cannot look at themselves and say "why am I acting like this?". But maybe it's the same reason why we can't seem to break out of our dp as well.

Complicated shit.


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## Guest (Feb 8, 2014)

Fearless said:


> *By forgiving the narcsissist who abused you **or denying your hatred towards him/her**, you are betraying yourself --->DP.*


Because my parents weren't exactly physically abusive this it's still hard for me to differentiate abuse vs. my parents "just being parents".

The closest to emotional abuse I could say is that my dad thinks I can't do anything right (he even will tell me to do something and then do it for me), and my mom used to find every small thing to get pissed off at me, she probably still would but her mental state is very ill right now.

I grew up in a sort of strict environment too, and wasn't allowed to visit friends. I think Harris Harrington said he grew up like that too.

I always feel pissed off at my mom but not my dad though... but he's always working and not around as much.


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## Guest (Feb 8, 2014)

I think you once said something about not being able to make sense of your parents, I think that's right. My parent's have always been very confusing to me lol. I guess you say you wish you had a violent father because there's closure in the way he acts, instead of trying to come up with ways in your head that "Oh, my parents love me, they just show it in their own way... without love"


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## Guest (Feb 8, 2014)

Fearless said:


> Disorganized attachment is basically this: I can NEVER EVER take the risk to trust, believe, or depend on someone, because even the nicest people can turn into a monster any moment.


Damn. That's absolutely crazy how much this attachment style can impact someone's life so much. DP doesn't even matter when you look at it from this point of view.


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## Guest (Feb 8, 2014)

So, DP is a result of our child selves coping with an N parent's behavior that we learned, makes sense.

Now, this only happens if we only have one disorganized attachment, or could someone have disorganized attachment with both parents?


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

By forgiving the narcsissist who abused you or denying your hatred towards him/her, you are betraying yourself --->DP.

Real recovery means you reach the point where u have forgiven ur abusers!!! It shows u actually have regained that love in ur heart to give back to the world again! I have been fully recovered and I this feeling came. You need to fuking work on urself more fearless

Dp in no way does not mean u are denying hatred to a parent ur full of shit!! Yes I hated what my dad did to me and I won't ever deny that he did not abuse me coz he did but when I recovered I fuking forgave him.

It's obvious to me u have some major major father issues to work on


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Hey fearless I know why u still hate your dad.,,because YOUR EXACTLY like him and u can't admit it to urself hence why u hate him


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

How can dp be the result of how we react to N parents when NOT EVERYONE had an N parent to begin with!!?!?
Not everyone on here got dp from living with and N parent....u fuking cannot speak and tell ppl that they have dp bcoz of there N parent when they don't fuking have one....you cannot generalize everyone's fuking dp


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## Guest (Feb 8, 2014)

missjess said:


> How can dp be the result of how we react to N parents when NOT EVERYONE had an N parent to begin with!!?!?
> Not everyone on here got dp from living with and N parent....u fuking cannot speak and tell ppl that they have dp bcoz of there N parent when they don't fuking have one....you cannot generalize everyone's fuking dp


I wonder this too. I've had DP for a long time, maybe my parents were the case all those years ago, but a lot of my recent anxiety came from high school experiences, and work related experences completely unrelated to my parents, although they've probably influenced my behavior and I could've handled things differently.


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