# Lamotrigine (Lamictal) Helping!



## MikeWolf (Feb 7, 2017)

Hey everyone! I'm relatively new on this site and I really don't want to go in full detail about my DP but I do want to talk about some of the negative and positive things.

So...here we go.

I first started getting severe DP on October 12th of last year. I'll never forget the day and where I was when it happened. It's been literal hell... confusion, profound thinking of existential things that literally don't really matter and major Dejavu. Everything was flat, fake, like a dream... yada yada, My best friend from college was visiting for a month and I was so stoked to see him. Just so happens I got this issue the day he came! Ugh... still bummed out about that. So I spent that WHOLE month ignoring it. Hiding in the bathroom for an hour researching what the hell is wrong with me. I drank a shit ton with my buddy and tried to live life normally. He left in early November and I cracked...has a major breakdown and questioned who am I?? What happened?? Why is this happening to me. My parents didn't understand, I was begging for help and my mother was just frustrated with my breakdowns. I felt helpless and just wanted to die. December I tried to live with it. My GP had no idea what I was talking about and put me on 5mg of Lexapro. Didn't do shit. Christmas was a nightmare. Had suicdal thoughts and gave up. I felt like a zombie. Every action had no feeling and I was done. I cried and I cried until I made the initiative to take this and do something about it. My parents did not want to help or understand so I called a mental hospital nearby my place and went for an evaluation. I'm in the intensive outpatient program. ANYWAYS. I found a doctor/psych/endocrine specialist in my area as well. He saved my life. The Psychs and Therapists at the hospital didn't know what DP/DR was and they said I was bi-polar, maybe schizo, all kinds of other things. I freaked out... well... I saw the outside Psych and he said the complete opposite. He said I am experiencing severe DP. This was around a month ago.

He put me on Lamictal 3 weeks ago. 20mg the first two weeks and last week he bumped me up to 50.

Here's what I have been feeling thus far.

Week 1: Had a lot of rumination still, had DP heavy days that brought me down. Felt sorry for myself and still felt very unreal and questioned myself constantly. Had a lot of music stuck in my head (ugh)

Week 2: Still had spurts of DP but I was having moments of slight relief! Not even joking... I just had spots of comfort, feeling, not thinking about the DP, the past or anything existential. I felt slightly better, which is better than nothing. But when it got low, it got loooowwww. Spent that weekend in severe depression and DP. Was alone, scared.

Week 3: Started that monday with a good night! Watched movies and stayed busy. Felt slightly less DP. Things felt slightly easier here and there. I started doing mindfulness which has kept me calm. Spent the weekend with family, didn't worry about the DP. Another weird slight improvement. Things seem to be improving very slooow.

Week 4: So far things are less intense. I'm still aware of my DP but things aren't as difficult. Took a little extra Lamictal yesterday because I'm supposed to move on to 100 next Wednesday. I felt super weird. Like everything was bright and intense but I almost felt like everything was real. I dunno it was a very odd experience.. but things are still improving. It's so odd... it's not like the whole world is different or anything.. it's just that things are becoming settled in. Instead of spending every hour contemplating what, who, where, am I? I'm just chilling with it. This stuff is working I'm telling you! I'll keep you updated. Okay so this Friday was a mixed bag. Felt suuuuuper out of it and my DP bothering me but I'm also having girl issues so I think i'm more depressed about that with the DP not making it feel any better. Still trying to focus on the positives. Spent the weekend feeling terrible, ate too much sugar and bad food so I was asking for a anxious nightmare. But, I survived and dealt with it. Once again, there are small improvements but it's hard.

Week 5: Moved up to 100mg. My mood is definitely slightly better. DP is super off and on... it's either tranquil enough for me to enjoy moments during the day or it's like "OH MY GOD I'M FEELING IT TOO MUCH!". I hate those moments because It's as if it will never go away and then you calm down. Ha! Can't help it sometimes... I swear. I'll see how the 100mg does with me and my mood. Still no side effects so that's a major positive! So it's Friday.. man this week has been nuts. Started taking Lexapro in the middle of the day instead of night... definitely can tell a difference. My DP is weird today... I'm just going with the flow.. it's as if i'm not even caring it's there. Overall good day, things are slowly improving.

Week6: HOLY CRAP. This stuff works. I've spent the whole week happy and less dissociated. Been going out more. Its not 100% gone but it's at a good 70%. I'm so grateful and happy that things are getting better... I started taking taurine 1500 MG a day now. Mixing this with Lamictal and Lexapro has done wonders. Taking trazedone at night and it helps me sleep and makes me happy when I wake up. I HOPE HOPE HOPE this gives you ..well.. HOPE! There is an escape. The medicine is only part of the process. Patience and acceptance is also key. Love you all.

UPDATE: Weeks 7, 8, 9 and 10 will be all in a bunch. Things have insanely been incredibly up and down. My DP/DR isn't gone but it has almost just gone in the back of my mind. I still have long periods of the day when I feel so dissociated and confused but I've trained myself to know that it will pass. Does it stress me out that I have to deal with that along with life's daily struggles? YES. It's painful as hell at times. Do I want all of this go away tomorrow? You betcha but what I can say about my progress is there are days when I'm like "HAH THIS STUPID FEELING. WHATEVER DUDE. I'M GONNA ENJOY MY GODDAMN DAY" and I get so distracted that I don't even feel it. This is incredible and has been happening a lot more frequently during the days, and I've had solid weeks that I feel fantastic. I think back and smile, which is something that I haven't been able to do in a long time. When I have days when there's nothing to do I feel fine. Not scared and hopeless but engaged and excited about the future. I've gone to two job interviews, confidently and not even thinking about the DP. Man...it's a great feeling and I have to remind myself of the progress when things get less than stellar. There's been such a major improvement in my life and in my journey to healing. I met a great girl, she's 30 and I'm 25 ha! But she makes me happy and understands what i'm going through. But you know its a struggle when I really want to feel 100% normal and not question every time we hold hands or kiss. That is definately frustrating. But at the same time when I think back on it i smile. Once again. Smiling. Ah... such a great feeling. I also started drinking alcohol a little bit. Hasn't done any harm to my DP/DR in fact I think that freedom to drink without being afraid has lifted my spirits up a little just because I feel normal and can socialize like I used to. Just not be abusive with it and responsible. Started taking Taurine, 4,000-6,000 a day. I feel as if that is doing something immense along with the Lamictal. I'm taking 200 of that. Lamictal is great. I know it's doing something. Obviously not the main source of curing me. That's within you but oh man... it's an incredible drug and this psych knows whats up.
Yes, I still stress out about feeling this way. Is it as violent and scary as before? Hell to the no. But I just miss the old Mike and he's coming back baby! I see him in that mirror. He's me. He and I are one. And that road is coming to an end soon, I know it is. This dirty bastard that is DP/DR has changed my life... ironically for the better. I havent been this healthy since high school and I'm at a good weight. I've gotten closer with my spiritual side. Looking at energy as a way to coping and understanding DP isn't me. DP is slowly going away. I move, I walk, I go to the movies, I go on dates, and most importantly.... I feel human again. No overthinking! No weird thoughts. (SERIOUSLY THIS IS AMAZING) No songs repeating in my head. No strange voices waking me up in the middle of the night. My anxiety has lessened immensely and when I wake up. Holy balls guys and gals... no anixety or fear. I wake up, look around and go. Huh... cool! Text my girl and i'm on my way to start the day. Jesus.... as I type this i'm coming to terms with the progress. GUYS THIS STUFF WORKS. Obviously not cured. But life is bright and beautiful and trust me. We will get through this. Because I am...Hopeful....for all of us.

A little thing to add. I graduated from my program at the mental hospital 3 weeks ago! I got to the point that I had nothing to talk about anymore there. I've been so confident with my issues that well.... heh. I'm good. Guys... I really want you to feel good from reading all this. I want to give you my energy and be positive and happy. Godbless my friends.

Week 11: Goddamnit I messed up bad guys... an old high school friend came to visit and we drank hard. I got too drunk and woke up Sunday so hungover and anxious. I felt like I was back in outer space. I wasn't freaking out but I knew what that feeling was... I drank more that night because I was stressing. Monday was a nightmare. Around the afternoon it hit me. Boom! Back in fullblown panic DP. I felt detached from the world and afraid. I immediately got into my car and went for a hike. "I've been through this a million time. You know what to do Mike" I was angry because I haven't felt this is a loooong time. Maybe even a couple months. It was full blown back to the start. I was scared guys. I didn't drink Monday night and calmed down, but my mind was racing again and I just tried to sleep.
Yesterday I saw my girl. Its a bit of a drive but whatever. I woke up feeling tired and frustrated because I was afraid that I undid all the process with the meds. We went hiking and we did 7 miles. Jesus. I never have done that much. It took my mind off of the DP but I still felt weird. Anxious and afraid of this shit. All the thoughts from the past returned. "Remember that day mike? Remember when you freaked out? Blah blah blah blah" Man I was frustrated. I wanted to have fun with her. We had a nice moment sitting outside in the pitch black and looking at the stars. That felt really good. But when I dropped her off I was in outer space. Everything was fake x1000 but once again I sat with it. The ride back was a blur. Luckily when I got home I calmed down, put on Nacho Libre and chilled the hell out. Got back into a better place. Had bad night sweats but whatever. I slept a good amount. Woke up OK. Not good but whatever. I was depressed about feeling that way the past 2 days. I called my psych and I'm seeing him Monday. My allergies have been killing me so that doesn't make me feel better. Then I sort of broke down. I just am amazed that I went back 10 steps in the corse of 5 days. I was so angry and beat myself up. Got a stupid black eye now. I chilled out. But I'm just trying to be hopeful. Things will improve. I just gotta stay away from alcohol... more to come. I'll keep you updated. Friday isn't too bad. Woke up feeling horrible... bartended during the day and got my mind off it. But damnit I'm still bothered by it. I'm trying to remember how I chilled out before. Just kinda pissed off I guess.

UPDATE: 12, 13, 14. Things are improving again. Still feel mushy but back on track. Been sleeping a lot which is good. Nothing really major going on. I'll have moments in the day that I freak out for a second and then go, oh yeah whatever. Haha. So my spirits are up. Moved on to 200mg of Lamictal. I'll keep updating.

UPDATE: Hello everyone it's been a few months I know! I wanted to stay away from this site for a bit just for my own sake. So what's happened? Wellp..... things have improved greatly. Things are normal, they're not perfect, I'm away that I still have some sort of something still there but I've realized something. It really doesn't exist. The dissociation that is. It is mere anxiety that just stays with you and you just have to keep chugging, the meds have helped greatly and I've been living life normally. Yeah something is still slightly off and im bummed that it's not completely gone but it's like there and not there if that makes sense. Yesterday I had a huge episode of dissociation and just went "wellp, so what? You're at work deal with it." Went home and everything was fine. IT's so weird because it is barely there anymore just went my anxiety triggers it comes back and I start thinking about how much time was wasted this past year having it then I go back to the present and everything is fine. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like... oh snap. Everything is cool.

I'm at 80% people. Maybe even higher. Lamictal and Lexapro give it a few months and you'll see the difference. We are normal, nothing is wrong with us, it just takes time. Live your life, even through the harder days. Just remember... if we can get through this we can get through basically anything. I lost my grandmother last month, she was basically my mother and it has been hard. You don't have to agree with me on this but I know she's looking over me and I know she's helping me through this. I know she is because I can feel it. She's giving me hope and I(we) will rise above. Live our lives even stronger because we are basically warriors. Bring it on i say!

WELLP. I'm there. There's the light. Everything is clear, I'm so distracted by the real world now that all I'm dealing with now is with anxiety in low doses. More so just feeling ancy I keep busy with work. Being alone feels great. I'm basically good now. It's there, somewhere but the poor guy is slowly dying. He tried to ruin me but, time healed it all. It's been a crazy journey but its made me a stronger person. Maybe even a better person.

Love you all.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

good luck, keep us posted, it's the next thing i'm gonna try


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

i wanna hear about weeks 7,8,9 and 10 Mike!


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## M1k3y (Sep 19, 2016)

CK1 said:


> i wanna hear about weeks 7,8,9 and 10 Mike!


please dude, i wanna hear to, this is motivating


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## MikeWolf (Feb 7, 2017)

CK1 said:


> i wanna hear about weeks 7,8,9 and 10 Mike!


New update my friend!


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## M1k3y (Sep 19, 2016)

thank u my dude, ive read the more time the better u feel, ive been really scared about medicine, but if its my only shot this post makes me feel happy, i feel almost myself again, especially when im with my girl, other people dont seem to accept me cus my dp symptom is so weird.. but whatever, im going to call a phycastist and get this shit going, thank u my dude


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Thanks for updating Mike, I can feel that energy, so many positives!

You got a love story on the go and you are well on your way to a better you, way to go buddy! can't wait for 11,12,13,14 in a months time!

Keep going sounds like you are on the path out

I'm going on Lamotrigine with Lithium, I'm hoping without the SSRI it will still have a chance to do it's magic.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

oh just realised you updated this, i'm not sure how long you've had DP but it sounds like pretty recent as all the things you are getting past with meds are all the things I am not making headway with however, my anxiety thoughts and getting drunk kicking me into an episode/spaced out thing doesn't happen me anymore, I can drink all night and i'll only feel some anxiety the next day, no thoughts. Anyway rambling, keep up the good work man, you messed up a little but don't beat yourself up, no harm done it just spiked your anxiety. If you can not drink till you loose the spacey feeling and the anxiety, unfortunately at least 6 months man, or you'll keep putting yourself back... let the meds have time to work

Couple of weeks time and you'll be back on the right track!


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## MikeWolf (Feb 7, 2017)

UPDATED!


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## Crazxan (May 14, 2017)

I need some of these meds, I think they would help me as well.


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## bintuae (Jan 17, 2017)

Lamictal didn't help that much with DP/DR especially at doses lower than 300mg. DP/DR became worse when I added SSRIs.

P.S I read a post of someone who had success with taurine. maybe it's the one thats helping you


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## MikeWolf (Feb 7, 2017)

I stopped Taurine a couple months ago, so i'm not quite sure. It's super off and on but I think maybe time is also helping.


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## <AGENT>teh345 (Apr 10, 2012)

Awesome post. Thanks for sharing all your personal experiences.

I'm on Lamictal too, but due to mitigating circumstances, have been hesitant to boost the dose more than 125mg, and actually came down to 100mg from 125mg. Following this thread though, I will definitely seek a higher dosage and titrate up to a more therapeutic range. So far however, even at the low dose I'm at, it has definitely helped in a big way. Looking forward to seeing what it does for me at higher dosages.

Thanks again for your post, I wish you the best in your continued recovery.


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## MikeWolf (Feb 7, 2017)

UPDATED


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## Jackk11 (May 9, 2018)

I wanna try lamotrigine so badly :/


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## tikobird (Feb 26, 2008)

I'm happy for you but Lamotrigine is also a mood stabilizer used with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with a milder version of Bipolar called Bipolar type 2. I'm on a much higher dose and it's had no effect on my chronic Depersonalization which I've had 24/7 for decades. I'm glad it worked for you. It's not known for helping anxiety but calming brain wave activity. I've been on many medications for depression, anxiety, and bipolar. They weren't used for anxiety and have never noticed any difference. Depersonalization for me was caused by a traumatic upbring and growing up with the insanity of an alcoholic home. I'm currently going to a therapist who'll be using a therapy called EMDR. Usually, DP has more to do with an ongoing or specific trauma. I'm currently working hard on my thought patterns which caused low self-esteem, self hatred and feeling isolated. Adult Children of Alcoholics are trauma specific. I basically grew up watching the craziness around me and no parents being available or nurturing. No magic pill here. I'd love to hear from any ACoAs who've developed DP.

Even for most, it's more to do with feeling and thinking rather than a magic medication fix. I'm speaking of those with DP and no alcoholic family.


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