# I'm in Shock. I need help. I don't know what to do.



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

My divorce was finalized this afternoon and while I shouldn't be, I'm in shock. Spacing out, pacing aimlessly, having heavy period of disorientation. I don't know where to be, what to be doing with myself. I keep switching rooms. Getting on and off the computer. I took a benzo but it isn't helping. I've never been in shock like this before. What do I do?


----------



## Tommygunz (Sep 7, 2009)

this might be bad advice, but if it were me, i'd try and get out of the house and go celebrate or something. ya know, something to take your mind off the situation/how you feel.


----------



## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Go to a bar and shoot pool


----------



## Sportsking831 (Jul 22, 2010)

i agree g enjoy life and go hang with your friends!!!!! it wil deff take ur mind off of it


----------



## Guest (Jul 24, 2010)

I've not ever been in shock. But I can relate with pacing around/getting on and off the computer/not knowing what to do with myself. I'd say it's a common symptom of DP. I mean of course you have the divorce to be making you more confused, feeling a loss. I'm really sorry you feel this way. You should find something to take this off your mind. Like Tommygunz said, maybe go out and celebrate, taking control of the situation instead of letting the situation take over your life right now.


----------



## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

go on a very long walk...


----------



## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

Your not in shock.

A. You can't be in shock if you have DP

B. Being in shock isn't really a scary thing you don't pace around and freak out like that when your actually in stock you can't do anything really you just sit.

Your prob just stressed out your anxiety went sky high and your freaking out because the DP is worse. Unfortunately there isn't anything you can really do. You have to try and relax and get some sleep. I am so sorry about your situation I feel for you! Be strong hang in there I am here if you need a friend


----------



## flat (Jun 18, 2006)

Roque, please refrain from spelling shock with a t. It's freaking me out lol. And yes, you are definitely not in stock, erm, I mean shock. Shock is more of a paralyzing thing where you sit and stare and can't do anything. You are just feeling apprehension of what the future may hold being that you are now "free". This is a good thing. Try to get out and see a movie or go to the park and somehow socialize a little.


----------



## match_stick_1 (Jun 9, 2010)

Rogue Bullies said:


> Your not in stock.
> 
> A. You can't be in stock if you have DP
> 
> ...


yes we wouldnt want to be in stock, we might get eaten and then where would we be?


----------



## Tommygunz (Sep 7, 2009)

if anything, when it comes to DP we're pretty much out of stock. ha, aha, haaa.


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

In bed watching movies. Honestly, I don't think any divorce is cause for celebration........


----------



## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

flat said:


> Roque, please refrain from spelling shock with a t. It's freaking me out lol. And yes, you are definitely not in stock, erm, I mean shock. Shock is more of a paralyzing thing where you sit and stare and can't do anything. You are just feeling apprehension of what the future may hold being that you are now "free". This is a good thing. Try to get out and see a movie or go to the park and somehow socialize a little.


Ooo sorry I misspelled something. Probably because 1. I was in a hurry and 2. because the T and H are right next to each other. Doesn't take much to know what I meant.


----------



## Xerei (Feb 17, 2010)

Rogue Bullies said:


> Your not in shock.
> 
> A. You can't be in shock if you have DP
> 
> ...


Agree with number 1, DP is like a barrier between yourself and the road to shock and stuff like that.
agree with number 2 aswell, it can't be a scary thing if the person is in shock, after all, you don't remember anything from a shock, and it would have to be a stronger thing than a divorce to bring someone into shock...


----------



## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

Thanks, I know what you mean. I've been through one breakup during dp, and it seemed to take my feelings of "who am I" and "why am I here" and stretch them to another level, like dp plus. Not fun. It got better, though. Definitely, getting out and talking to people, as uncomfortable as that was, helped me.


----------



## Guest (Jul 26, 2010)

usedtobe....

You are indeed probably in some degree of shock and disbelief. There is a "list of top life stressors" that cause individuals much fear, sadness, and grief, even if they have anticipated them or not. Some on the top:

1. Death of a spouse
2. Loss of a child

*And somewhere near the top, Divorce.*

Regardless how poor the marriage was, it is a huge life loss. If I had some strength I would look up the documented source. I will in a bit.
For some reason, loss of a partner, aside from loss of a child, is huge, even if you have been moving towards that for some time.

I suggest you let your emotions out as best you can. Cry, scream or if you do anything physical like running or biking ... go run your butt off.

This is a huge life stressor, and the loss does bring on grief.

Best,
D


----------



## Guest (Jul 26, 2010)

*PS, I was diagnosed with breast cancer 7/15 ... I suspected it from the 5 million tests they were doing after a routine mammogram ... before meeting with the surgeon for "the news" I was pacing, my heart was racing, but the DP/DR were normal. I couldn't stand waiting for her. 20 minutes or so.

When she told me (and I'd had several days of wondering before seeing her -- pathology report after a biopsy) -- it was more awful not knowing FOR CERTAIN. I was guessing and wondering and constantly anxious.

Then she told me. I sort of stood back from it, and the pounding heart and everything else stopped. I had finality, I had knowledge, I knew. Then I had no emotions. Then, the more she talked to me I started crying, then I wasn't hearing what she said, then no emotions again. A sheer roller coaster ride, and I've been on it since. Surgery is in August and in the meantime I've been researching it all.

But BEFORE something is "final, resolved" is different from AFTER. Days with lack of emotion, then excessive emotion.

Divorce is a HUGE change. I suppose you might not say it is "shock" and yet, the reality is suddenly THERE. You are no longer married. It is final, that is it.
Everyone acts SO differently, but regardless, from friends I know who have been divorced, the initial reactions are sort of "being stunned" as it is finally official.

You are definitely "stressed" I'll give you that much. It is a loss, and the beginning of another part of your life.

I agree if you can distract yourself with anything that gives you pleasure that could help. But, I've been doing that, and it pushes the news to the background, yet it pops up again
and I need to cry or yell or become without emotion, like "whatever."

Take Care,
D*


----------



## Guest (Jul 26, 2010)

Sorry, I keep messing up the darned font.


----------



## Deleted Account (Jul 26, 2010)

I would call a trusted family member or good friend and talk about what you are feeling.


----------



## Guest (Jul 26, 2010)

I also agree with Juliet. Talk with someone, be with someone.

Also on the RAHE life stressor scale, Divorce is actually #2 after death of a spouse.
Here is the list of the top of the RAHE scale.

Death of a spouse
Divorce
Marital separation
Imprisonment
Death of a close family member
Personal injury or illness
Marriage	
Dismissal from work
Marital reconciliation
Retirement
Change in health of family member
Pregnancy


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Dreamer* said:


> *PS, I was diagnosed with breast cancer 7/15 ... I suspected it from the 5 million tests they were doing after a routine mammogram ... before meeting with the surgeon for "the news" I was pacing, my heart was racing, but the DP/DR were normal. I couldn't stand waiting for her. 20 minutes or so.
> 
> When she told me (and I'd had several days of wondering before seeing her -- pathology report after a biopsy) -- it was more awful not knowing FOR CERTAIN. I was guessing and wondering and constantly anxious.
> 
> ...


Thank you for this. It was like being stunned. I was fine until about 10 minutes into the car ride home. By 15 minutes in I asked him to pull the car over because I was restraining myself from jumping out while it was moving. I got out, and curled into a ball on the ground and cried. It felt like the peak of a panic attack but without the obvious. Panic. Just that completely out of control of your mind feeling. I just couldn't bring myself under control. Anyway, like I said, I finally made myself get in the car, took a benzo, and here we are. This divorce, like everything else with dp, doesn't feel real. Nothing has changed except a status. Not even my name changed. We still live in the same house and carry on like we always did. I'm trying to arrange to move to another state because I know that I need the separation. I need to fall out of love with him and come up with some means to start my own life. I have to have a plan to move forward. I can't just sit here and do nothing. I need a plan. So my plan is to go to school until I can get into the program that I want. Then do that program and then get a job and then work and then a life will come from that. I just can't sit in a bedroom in his house without an identity anymore. I'm not everything I used to be. It all used to define me and now it's all gone.


----------



## Guest (Jul 28, 2010)

Dear Usedtobe,

Glad my comments were of help. The other miserable thing for you is the impossible stress of dealing with all of these other things you need to do. When I left my husband 10 years ago .. we have a "marriage on paper" ... I was all over the place, but GETTING AWAY which was wrenching also threw me into an emotional mess. Used to be ... all of your plans are great, but they are an enormous burden on you as well. STRESS! And it will be very important to get OUT of that living situation. You are actually suffering more, I think, by being with this man.

Also @ Rogue?, I forgot. *A person with DP CAN be in shock*. Another example from my life. I was in a serious car accident when I was about 19. I was rear ended (in my tiny Honda -- a 1978) and slammed into the car in front of me at a stop light -- I couldn't get out of my door, had to get out the passenger door after climbing over the stick. The rear view mirror flew into the back seat. Etc.. Glass everywhere. Front and rear end smashed in. *I know I was in shock as I didn't know my knee was seriously injured* ... I was wearing jeans, it was a contusion and didn't bleed, and I told the paramedics I was OK. (Aside from pain in my chest from the seatbelt which I didn't even care about. That damned thing -- across the chest and lap saved my life.) ALWAYS WEAR YOUR SEATBELTS. THIS WAS BEFORE AIRBAGS.

I was very DP/DR at the time, but pushing myself to do things -- going to Uni, etc.. My mother didn't even pick me up, and I was driven home by someone else in the accident -- someone who came to pick up another person -- every car was damaged. THen man who hit me was a drunk driver.

So I get home, and about 2 hours later I change out of my jeans into some shorts (it was summer). I go upstairs to talk to my mother, in something of a blank daze. My usual DP/DR -- NO anxiety. My mother looked at my knee and said "Oh my GOD, your knee is a disaster." I said, "What?" It wasn't bleeding -- it was sot of a hole, pushed inward. NO PAIN. Next thing we were in ER for 2 hours. Then slowly, when the doctor started working on me I was in AGONY.

The next day, I went to the garage. My car was gone. I had a TERRIBLE wave of DP/DR come over me.

*So yes, you can be DP/DR AND in shock. The shock I was in at the time was "normal shock" many healthy people have. So I had both.*

*@Used to be* ... I hope you can get away from being with your ex. Stay with a family member or friend? His presence in your life makes the break more difficult.

Take Care,
D
Time to get the laundry!


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Dreamer* said:


> Dear Usedtobe,
> 
> Glad my comments were of help. The other miserable thing for you is the impossible stress of dealing with all of these other things you need to do. When I left my husband 10 years ago .. we have a "marriage on paper" ... I was all over the place, but GETTING AWAY which was wrenching also threw me into an emotional mess. Used to be ... all of your plans are great, but they are an enormous burden on you as well. STRESS! And it will be very important to get OUT of that living situation. You are actually suffering more, I think, by being with this man.
> 
> ...


I knew I was in shock but I didn't want to argue with everyone. Anyway, thank you again Dreamer for acknowledging my feelings and situation. Unfortunately, I have no friends or family to stay with. Yes, I know it's hard to swallow but my family, along with most of my friends, abandoned me. I asked my sister a few days ago if I could even just park a camp trailer at her house and she said no. It's been very hard for me, in this time of need (first with not being able to care for my kids because of the dp and now with needing a place to live) how no one has been there for me in my time of need. Only one person has offered me a place to live and they wanted me to pay them $400 a month. I've learned that people are completely self centered and I've lost my faith in humanity. Even church members can't seem to get me a hand.


----------

