# Does this sound like depersonalization? I'm new to this all.



## Guest (Feb 2, 2006)

Good afternoon everyone,
I'm a 28 y.o. who was diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder and adjustment disorder back in September of last year after having a series of violent panic attacks. I've often seen the term depersonalization in a lot of the books I have read in regards to anxiety and panic but they never really had an explanation as to what it was.
During my panic attacks I would feel really out of touch with everything. I couldn't believe the things that were happening but the feelings soon faded once the panic subsided. I've done pretty well over the last month or so without any full blown attacks but I have had some other symptoms pop up.
It started out as a strange skin sensation. Whenever someone would touch me forcefully like during a massage, that corresponding body part would go numb. Immediately I would move my leg, arm or whatever was affected and the feeling went away but the numbness scared me. Around Christmas I started having sensations that my breasts were numb, and very jellylike, almost weightless. But it was a very hard to describe feeling because I could still feel things if they were brushed against me and such. That scared me considering I have large breasts and never went through the "weightless" feeling before. Over the last 2 weeks the rest of my body has seemed to follow suit. When someone touches me or even when I feel my own self like my face, arm, etc. the only word that comes to mind is numb. But numb means not having feeling and I still can feel. It just feels very off to me, very distant like. I'm at such a loss for words because I can't even describe the feelings properly, I just don't know how. I have wanted to approach my doctor about it but how can I when I don't even know how to explain it. 
I came across this side and read some information about depersonalization and it really hit home. I am wondering if this sounds like DP to any of you who are experienced with this feeling. If it is then I guess its safe to say that it was brought on by my panic and anxiety disorders. The feelings I go through with this tend to set my panic in motion from time to time and I'm trying desperately to find some way of getting used to it all. Thank you so much in advance for reading my horribly long post and for any advice you can share.
Take care,
anxiouslady


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## The Wraith (Feb 2, 2006)

I think can relate to this. I have more problems in my arms and hands than anything else. Sometimes when I touch things, I cannot feel what I am touching, or even the sheer thought of doing something physical seems impossible because it I feel like I am "unreal". In my 24 years I have never felt like this until the past 9 - 10 months or so, though I have a VERY long history of anxiety/depression. It is like you are aware what you are doing but you feel like it isn't you doing it. It is a very scary predicament to be in.


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Wraith...
Thanks for the reply. I like your comment about being aware what you are doing but feeling like it isn't you doing it. That sums up some of how I feel. Sorry to hear that you are going through the same things.
anxiouslady


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

Hi anxiouslady,

Yeah, I had the numbness all the time. It's not harmful. Your mind is playing tricks, that's all. I actually feared those weird feelings and sensations, for years. And the symptoms kept on coming, as well.

I still find myself "hanging on" from time to time. It's like if I let go, something bad will happen. When, in reality, only good things can come.

I'm always so tense.

Welcome to the board and thanks again for dropping in!

Jeff


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## Methusala (Dec 22, 2005)

Hello AnxiousLady,
You didn't mention being disconnected from your sense of self, so my opinion is it doesn't sound like you have yet developed the full 'depersonalization' symptom or disorder. I think what you described sounds like limited, temporary dissociation symptoms, of the type that are sometimes called 'psychosomatic.' It sounds like you are in the very early stages of potentialy developing the DP pattern. The thought pattern you mentioned:
'The feelings I go through with this tend to set my panic in motion from time to time and I'm trying desperately to find some way of getting used to it all.'
is pretty close but not quite the thought and behavior cycle that drives DP. If you read past posts, you will see that basic pattern described many times with many variations on the basic theme. The basic pattern is: panic->dissociation (DP) to avoid panic feelings->OCD like thoughts related to new state of disconnection->more panic and cycle keeps going.

Variations happen with what types of feelings are dissociated and what OCD thoughts are obsessed on.

Now here's the good news, you can stop this anytime you want to. The cycle happens because of thought and behavior habits that you can identify and change bit by bit. There are some here that claim there DP is caused by medical conditions or other factors, and that has been shown to be true in certain cases, such as with certain types of epilopsy. However, my own humble opinion is that changing thought and behavior patterns is the most likely way to change the pattern for most people.

A primary way to change the thought and behavior pattern supported by several DP recovered people here, is to discover/work on accepting ones thoughts and feelings no matter how anxiety provoking. The idea being that DP is an anxiety avoidance mechanism, and thus if one accepts anxiety, DP is no longer used by habit to escape the anxiety feelings. According to this view, DP is only a temporary escape from anxiety anyway, as anxiety happens anyway over the feeling of being DP'd. And this goes in a cycle keeping up the DP like a trance due to repitition.

I would suggest trying:
-the acceptance work
-an overall healthy lifestyle to reduce stress and anxiety
-mourning whatever trauma or losses initiated the dissociative DP in the first place.

Welcome to our site, I think there is a pretty good chance you will heal quickly from DP or avoid developing it, because for one thing you haven't forgotten what it feels like to not be numb. Even your 'DP pattern' statement is not as disconnected as others here, I think, because you said you want to 'desperately find some way of getting used to it.' A more dissconected version would be 'despererately agonizing about it and seeking constantly to escape from it.' Your statement might not even be a full on DP sustaining belief yet. So it sounds like your already on the way to acceptance, which automaticaly reduces it. Recovered forum member 1A's anti DP belief is something like 'bring on more feelings of DP, feelings cant hurt me and I accept them.' Let us know how it goes.

M


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