# OCD is my closest friend.



## Hero (Sep 11, 2013)

I have had OCD since I was young. It started with an obsession of making everything be exactly in it's right place on a straight line. Later, I started having an obsession with cleanliness that just keeps getting worse. The main reason of this obsession changes every while. I remember there was even a time where I didn't know what's the reason but I still kept being obsessed till I later found the new reason which is the fear of getting blind. I have always had this fear but it got really unbearable some months ago.

Most of the time after doing an action I get thoughts that I haven't done it. I mean like I go wash my face and after washing it I get thoughts that I haven't washed it yet although I remember very well that I did. This happens with almost every action I do. Also, When I pass next to an object I get thoughts that I touched it although it's very clear that I didn't. Because of that, I always walk holding my hands up even at home. I don't want them to touch anything. If they touch anything my worst fear of the time might happen.

OCD have always made me feel like throwing myself from the window. I'm always having fears everyday. I don't like leaving the house because my OCD increases when I'm outside. School is the most horrible place for me and I'm sure OCD is the main reason for that. It seriously ruins everyday for me and makes everything harder more than it already is. I really can't take living like that anymore&#8230;

Thank you very much for reading, I appreciate that. Have a great day.


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## Hero (Sep 11, 2013)

Selig said:


> Hi Mary,
> 
> Have you been engaged in therapy/medication at any point?


I used to visit a therapist few years ago and she gave me a medicine but I stopped it twice. Before visiting her I used to visit two professionals. None of the three could help me.


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## Hero (Sep 11, 2013)

Selig said:


> Were you in therapy for very long? I can't help but think that long term therapy + possibly an SSRI might help significantly help reduce your symptoms like me.


Not really. I don't remember how long did I take the medicine in the first time, but I remember stopping it after 4 weeks in the second time. I wish I never stopped it though..


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## Hero (Sep 11, 2013)

Selig said:


> I hope you find some relief. I highly recommend CBT and exposure therapy with OCD (I've had it since a preteen myself) Many people are anti-medication blah blah, but the right SSRI can really help OCD as well.


What's CBT and SSRI? I have seen these words a lot but I never knew what are they. And what's Exposure Therapy with OCD? I hope that didn't sound stupid.. ^^;


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## Hero (Sep 11, 2013)

Thank you so much!


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