# God, Religion, Spirtuality, The self and what it all means..



## backagain (Aug 8, 2009)

These are my beliefs about our world in plain english as I see them.

Usually when something bad happens or something puts me into an enclosed negative state of mental Isolation,my inner self turns to something negative as opposed to positive like acting out instead of figuring out what's wrong. That is the way my enemy deals with itself, When that happens the inner me is my enemy and I have realized that or became aware of it. This is good because now I take my own thoughts with a grain of salt and create substance to them by writing a journal of exactly what's going on in that head of mine. When you're going from your emotional thought to the next you don't even stop to realize the scope of what's really going on. That's why we make so many mistakes in judgement when our emotional selves are angry, jealous,sad, fearful etc our reflections from the inside become the reflections of the outside. _*We see the things not as they are but as we are*_, in other words we see things outside of ourselves in relation to whats inside of us. If we _feel_ happy on the inside the world seems happy and good on the outside because what we see in ourselves is of relation to who we are as living beings on the inside. We could be full of emotion and view the world through an emotional point of view, back and forth back and forth. What you see in others is what you see in yourself is true because as a person I am a reflection of the world i grew up in and the experiences I have shared with the other people in my life and not just a separate self on my own. In essence i'm everything I can relate to and understand. I know what it feels to a depersonalization sufferer because i've experienced it myself but you tell in plain english everything you've experienced to a non sufferer and it will be like thin air, just words with no substance, he doesn't see you as you are, he sees only as much as he sees in himself. That's why you cannot truely understand what it's like to be someone or do something unless you share that same exact experience. You can try and imagine it but it's not the same thing. When you realize this for yourself(words aren't going to make you realize anything of that scope) things as a whole begin to make more sense in your mind. That is why I try my best to stay humble no matter the situation because there are so many misconceptions and illusions around us that when you act outside of your own understanding of what is truth you become a separated isolated false individual far more open to manipulation of what's real and what's not. When you stay truthful to yourselves and open and receiving of others you are less likely to go along a false path or road that leads you away from what your truth in your heart needs. When you let your mind steer the way and become the master of your life you lose touch with what's real and what matters to the truth inside of you. *Mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master* (Just the way the system wants it)

After I finish jotting down the misconceptions of my mind under the influence of an unfavorable emotional state the therapeutic benefits of allowing myself to be able to express what I feel freely and truthfully becomes a way that distances yourself from your personal emotionally driven mind. That mind which seeks to justify its thoughts and actions through the intoxication of negative feelings and so I guide myself towards a more understanding intelligent mental state which deciphers the reasoning of others and the reasoning of myself through a non personal perspective which will help me come to a deeper more meaningful self understanding. And reveals to me that anger, sadness fear jealousy are all barriers in developing intelligent meaning to an event. Don't get me wrong emotions like anger, fear, sadness are all there for a reason. They are an important part of the experience of _life_ and express more emphasis on the individuals human experience rather than what's the overall meaning of what a person's solution to understanding is and I believe they are there for a purpose and that purpose is to lead the individual to form thoughts and judgements that do not coincide with their existing logic and reasoning as seen in emotional states. Which then creates more conflict within one's inner self, more internal chaos and less understanding of what is important and insignificant. This eventually leads to expressions of chaotic unpredictable behavior (fighting, outburst, school shooting, suicide etc.) and that is a threat to social order (and to those in charge of it who don't like unpredictable people). Negative emotion It's a natural reaction that keeps reality going and going, regressing and progressing, destroying and constructing constantly evolving new meanings, new realities, new ways to think and understand the world around them. It's a torturous process and we know it as human suffering, but why do we suffer ? Why would God make us suffer? God doesn't make us suffer, we make each other suffer, we create our own suffering.

Think about a time in your life you suffered and you maybe blamed God for it. How could you do this to me GOD ? "How could you allow this to happen ?" That is what happens when you assume that everything is controlled by God himself like the churches and disinformation machine are perpetuating as logical. That every choice you make was somehow the will of God and not the will of yourself. "If God exists why does he allow all this sickness and poverty all over the world, if God was real we wouldn't have all this sickness and "bad" things wouldn't happen to good people and "good" things wouldn't happen to bad people so there is no God." Think about that for a second if everyone knew that bad people only got bad in return and Good people only received Good things in return there would be no reason to have free will and choice. Thus life would be a totally pointless energy process and we would all be considered God's slaves. God doesn't own any slaves, he doesn't need any slaves, he needs men to make decisions on their own. When something bad happens to a good person it's not always what it seems to be, on the surface it could mean punishment. But in actuality it can be a test that can lead a man to find greatness. Now if something Good happened to someone bad (which happens all the time) then what does that really mean? Once again on the surface it means that it's a reward but is it really ? Have you not heard of Karma? If the person really is in fact bad does this stop the man from ever turning to good ? If we didn't have the choice to change why even bother living in the first place.Karma- The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny. If This world is full of illusions like it appears to be then It is up to us to decide what is good and what is bad not for other mortals to decide for us.

I put some thought into this. Look around you, if anyone is controlling anyone it's us controlling us. We are just reminded that we are not immortal that the laws of the energy force behind life do still rule this Universe and we are not the only ones around. When we do something it's because we did it ourselves because that's the way we wanted to do it whether we were consciously aware of it at the time or not. It was a choice.. we made that decision just like it's a choice for me to stay up til 9:00 am and type all this. Thus my choice is made that's why i'm here today trying to save myself from myself. Not from God, God doesn't make me do things that I don't want to do and I don't do the things i do for the sake of receiving good in return. Day after Day I had suicidal thoughts, I would think all kinds of things, negative things about life and existence, sometimes I still do. Why do I have to live this life ? Why ? What is the point I wish I was never born etc etc. This was all coming from somewhere inside of me. I was seeing the world the way it is today and thinking this is not the way it's supposed to be ! I don't want to live in such a world, life is unfair, God is unfair etc. I even remember saying the F word to God but I won't get into to that. I do things because I know they are right or wrong and that's the bottom line. Humans are selfish in nature, they do things just to receive something they think has value. I make my own choices based upon the way I decide is right for me and my own self concept and concept of life around me. For example If I think that watching Porn is ok then that is something that is learned along the way. Just like I learned what my name was or where I was from and what that all that mean't. These are all things that are learned a long the way, I wasn't born Robert Maxwell (not actual name) this is a learned thing, i learned it like I learned my ABC's and 123's. I was born as I am, just a human. Again using using porn as an example whether I learned that watching it was ok from my peers or society at large or some other talking head it doesn't matter because no other man can convince something is one way unless that man see's and experiences it for himself. You can say oh that banana is yellow and i would definitely agree with you but maybe in 3 days it will be brown and then 4 days after that black . If a group of peers tell me that oh watching Porn is fine and masturbation is healthy. Well I can't very well be convinced of that can I ? I may only deceive myself into believing it's normal for the sake of watching it but in the end I must decide what is what for myself. What's normal for you isn't for someone else, it's a subjective experience and it's for the subject to decide.

Any Divine experience comes from within deep inside of our being and it is faith nothing else that should keep man on the righteous path. Suffering is a part of life that we try our best to avoid to enjoy a life of luxury but I believe it is a rite of passage into greater spiritual importance and meaning. I think that it's up to us as individuals to find the meaning to our suffering. You see we are all just different reflections of the human condition and our surrounding environments. That is why I believe Religions were established. To make people see outside of themselves, to create judgement about their actions in relation to a set of principles that were supposedly handed down from God and to eventually have humans live and create societies based on the laws of The supreme ruler of the universe or God in short.

When you stay humble you operate in a clear and open space, more open to new ideas and perspectives separate from the attached command of the ego driven self. You are calmer and more receptive to your most inner essence of being. The eternal truth and wisdom inside us all. Operating your own being from under your own eternal guidance and knowledge that cannot be bought sold or taken away by force. (Hint you die with it) When you are taught by your religious leaders to believe that you are a sinner and that you must surrender yourself to Christ or you will go to hell to burn for eternity. Something inside of you becomes chaotic, you are faced with a faith based on fear as opposed to love and understanding and fear blinds us from what is truth and leads us down the path of a sheep. (CHURCH'S LOVE SHEEP) There are the spiritual and there are the religious types. The religious types are sheep in my eyes, have you heard the saying "the lord is my shepherd?" on the other hand the spiritual are ones that follow not out of blind fear but out of recognizing, understanding, loving the spiritual self and it's struggle in this world to be a good person to live your life according to the principles of the divinity within.

Fear creates chaos in the unconscious irrational mind, these dark forces from within lead us on for new meanings to find understanding to it's chaos within and the relation to it's surroundings. "nothing ventured nothing gained". Sound Familiar? Seems to me where all going on our little chaotic mind trips rite now, Our minds malfunctioned with dp/dr lead us to question even the existence of an actual reality that is set in stone. Nope not true. That is why when you're a kid you see something like fire for the first time, you become captivated by it's unpredictability, your parents tell you not to play with it because it's dangerous but the wonder is still there just waiting for it's own personal answer "Just what is this fire all about ?" You think to yourself and the chaos of not knowing for yourself drives our minds to explore and understand the chaotic aspects to life and what they mean to us and the world around us. A lot of us are in complete confusion as to our reality, we are just thrown out of what we believed was real because it felt real. We are questioning everything ourselves God, human existence, morals, everything we thought was real has now come into question. The irrational unconscious self has gone bananas, it can't get it's foot in the door and say hey! this is my foot because it's real because i feel it as my own, the foot goes in but then questions its own existence because it doesn't feel alive. It has no meaning and substance to it. The primitive urges to feel and experience within us all lead us to make choices that aren't necessarily wise but they are there because we rely on individual experiences to solidify our meanings. That's where our motives come from deep inside us all. When you get burned by that fire for the first time and feel the pain then you understand why your parents say it's dangerous by understand through direct experience it's power and that's when you feel the it's existence. If you don't have any direct experience of feeling the truth of your existence then how can you tell ? If you can't even feel it. You can think it in your mind but you can't feel it in your heart. The same with everyone with DR you can see the world but does it feel real to you ? it feels dead flat unalive 2 dimenional lack of dept. DP/DR often coincide with each other and remember when i mentioned the quote, "we see things not as they are but as we are" When we look deeper into the meaning it goes both ways, Can we see ourselves as we are without seeing or relating to ourselves ? Or do we need others to see us for us? When can we break free from the illusions that blind us and surrender to the truth inside of us that we desperately seek to find from some where else. You see unless we find truth in ourselves we can't find truth outside of ourselves. Everything is relative to our own existence and being.

These primitive urges are the driving forces of human existence, when we got past our essential needs, food, shelter, water, we strived towards more to more in than just what was needed to survive. We began to why ? So we looked to the heavens above and started worshipping the sun for giving us light and energy and once we understood the sun, we looked further on for more order and meaning to our existence. Your very own existence is a testament to the existence of the world around you, by being more selfless rather than selfish you break the barrier of the separate self. That is why it feels so good to do things outside of the self. It is good for your soul, your spirit, your good energy. Helping others and giving up selfish desires releases you from the chains of self existence. By helping others you are helping your brothers your sisters and showing them the goodness in themselves. This is the complete opposite to the fundamentals of Capitalism and materialism which have all the people striving for achieving inner peace by placing emphasis on acquisition of material wealth, profiteering, consumerism, individuality and so on and so forth. The way they got the game set up is everyone's striving for something that's empty in it's very nature and thus keeps the masses discontent/unsatisfied constantly resource expending viruses separate from each other and easily open to manipulation, creating giant machines called societies that thrive at the expense of the world around it heating up the polar caps and destroying the ozone, killing the trees and polluting the waters. Expanding and growing like a virus with no end in sight. Blind Individuals that are constantly slaves to illusions that manipulate their unconscious desires of the self to find meaning in a revolving cycle of emptiness

Look at us now, our dependence on technology for answers has never been so high, we rely on talking heads in fancy suits in hd television to give us perspectives of the world around us and we could watch Obama speak to us on our i phones live and call our girlfriends at the same time or we What we don't realize is that this is all part of the same ferris wheel, they all have vested interest in the ongoing game and so when you turn on your tube, everything has some sort of hidden political, social or economical agenda to it. The ones who are in charge of this whole show know that deep inside we are still looking to satisfy the same irrational unconscious primitive drives for establishing ones existence that have plagued us since the dawn of mankind and so they convince us that buying a Mercedes instead of a Honda is a better decision because one has leather seats and nicer tires or a whopper instead of a big mac because it's flame broiled,or pepsi is better than coke using symbolic means of reaching our most inner desires to distinguish ourselves from each other and thus create more profits. That's the way they have the game set up in a materilistic capitalist society. They have the inner self striving for something that appears to be significant in defining who you are but is really empty and insignificant in defining humans as who they really are. When they project different meanings as answers to the unconscious irrational mind we bite the bait, we go out and buy stuff we don't need to be happy and end up feeling the emptiness of a material capitalist society. It's always been like this look at Hitler and his reign as an example imagine yourself in a country like 1930's germany you would follow the nationalistic ideas of political leaders like Hitler and be driven to kill anyone who isn't part of the "master race". Why ? Because you believe in Hitler's explanation to your existence. That you are better than everyone else, that you are the Aryan Nation, Blue eyed blonde haired genetic marvels and you don't need to tolerating the existence of others is unfavorable to your own. Hitler started them young too he knew it all starts from within the questionable essence of mans existence so nationalism was at the forefront of his ideas. Still even today Nationalism is successful in gaining the support of the masses as we saw after 9/11 when the nation was united together under the flag brought together by the attacks on the wtc and pentagon they they all could understand "the war on terrorism" and would support their leader in his ventures to bring order to the chaos. And what happened ? they were eventually led down a steady stream of balogni that had nothing to do with keeping America safe and more to do with putting mcdonalds and chevron slap right down in the middle of Baghdad. The American people were kept in the dark just in a more complex way then lets say KIM JONG IL of North Korea would have done it but boy were they fooled. St  ill the main symbol that was deemed most responsible for the attacks has still not been captured. Maintaining the symbol of terrorism was a primary goal, now were here and were there and trying to stop this and that and we got ourselves in a whole shitstorm. Was it the will of the people ? Or the will of the government.

That's why public relations work so well in creating positive perceptions (illusions) of multi-national corporations, politicians your local fast food heart attack center etc they relate themselves to the inner self within us all. We're all existing as humans but we don't know why we are on earth for sure, we just create assumptions for ourselves to create order out of perceived chaos. The scope of reality is much greater than we can ever imagine within the confined set of principles and ideas of an ego centered state of existence. When I realized this I began to use these illusions for me rather than against me because I real eyed that the anger, sadness, fear were all barriers keeping us from what is actual truth and thus useless by themselves for gaining true understanding. So I will create substance to the negative energy inside by identifying and externalizing it onto paper, writing everything it tells me about the world, existence and how I should deal with it. When I'm done I look over what I wrote and it's along the same lines of thought and meaning so I try to find the common connection between all of them and when i do I realize it's coming from one particular aspect or feeling inside me and if for instance it's sadness, I will know the next time where those thoughts are coming from and by staying honest with myself right there and then i am saving myself from needless self pity and perpetual illusions. I am not ignoring my sadness, I am acknowledging it. The same goes for any other emotion, when i can stay true to myself rather than blaming others and perpetuating the power of that emotion. I am taking control of my life, the only way you can take control of your own life is by staying true to yourself every step of the way by being a real person. Not some invincible tough guy who thinks of himself as someone he is not, like the human ego has the ability to do.

I realize that it's merely an illusion because nothing is one way or another way. The world by itself doesn't operate in black and white it's just our minds illusions that make us see it that way because that's the way it associates and organizes the world and so it becomes that way through lack of understanding each other. You have to stay calm and easily bendable in your mentality by not attaching yourself to situations directly or personally but by viewing them from perspective outside of your own existence like sort of putting yourself outside of yourself. This doesn't happen to everyone you have to lose meaning to find meaning, you have to damn near lose your mind to find your mind and If everything is already there in your mind then you're not going to search for something new. We humans are inhabitants of this world, we just form habits and live from day to day. I've lost a lot of meaning in my own life and in the process I had to find meaning to keep myself going, I had to step outside of the "normal" way of thinking because I realized that normal is just a word to help you feel more comfortable about your existence and to keep people in there place. It's an ongoing battle of wills that doesn't stop until I die.

If you took the time to read this then thanks and I hope you got something from it, because unless these words mean anything to you, they are just that, a bunch of words, language code to help us communicate that we decipher and try to gain our own understanding of. I just hope you get the right idea from those words.


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## skeyesthelimit (Nov 9, 2010)

I didn't read it all but I thought you made a lot of valid and interesting points especially with viewing yourself is how you view the world. Thanks for the post. I see that you have not been active since last year but I hope you are doing good yourself these days.


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