# Please help me



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I️ am not sure what to do. My parents won’t listen to me as I️ say things like “I️ can’t feel my body” “ I️ don’t know who I am” I️ asked them to leave and never contact me again. I️ hate them. I️ can’t feel an ounce of me anywhere. There is zero presence or human life in my body. I️ am not controlling these arms. My body makes zero sense to me. I️ feel completely without hope.


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## Chris1234 (Jul 14, 2017)

I dont know how I can help other than to say "Help!" myself . I have had this for 15 years and it still seems like such a vague illness. I dont know your exact situation but for me the fog extracts every bit of "shine " out of my daily life. I have such amazing family but no one has any idea what Im going through

please stay strong.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

My soul is completely gone. It’s almost like I️ am evil when I️ am dissociated. I️ don’t know who comes out but it’s not “me” I️ don’t remember what my voice sounds like or what people look like. Nothing is familiar. Nothing


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

time2wakeup said:


> Totally relate...when my DP was very bad, I felt like I was possessed or something. I'm still DP'd but it's much better now and I no longer feel "evil"...it'll get better...


How did it get better? I️ mean not one good or nice thing comes out of "me" or whatever this is. All I️ feel is anger in my body. But it's from living like this for so long! I️ really don't want to go on at all.


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## Marisa (Aug 28, 2017)

How long have you had this for?


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

8 years from hell


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

It honestly feels like my body is choking me. But yet there is no me. No human essence in my body whatsoever. Just the bones and tendons and muscles. Just the body.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Well, I would try to take a breather and when you feel ready contact your parents and explain that you're going through a hard time, that you didn't mean what you said and that it's just because your condition is so obscure and unrelatable that you can't find the support, relief, and comfort that you need from anywhere. That's been a big problem for me too, and I've fallen out with people over DPDR several times, most often with close family members. There seems to be an eternal and frustrating disconnect between the DP sufferer and their nearest and dearest. It's so hard to feel connected with others when you can't even connect with yourself. I think DP gives us something of a short fuse too in that it really wears you down, meaning you can become pretty thin-skinned and sensitive. At least, that's what I've experienced in regards to my relationships with those around me.

In any case, I would say be kind to yourself for now, do some relaxing, comforting and leisurely things. Try to distract and settle back into how you were doing up til recently (even if that wasn't too great either) because you've clearly had a bit of a rough ride of late. I would then try to rebuild those bonds with your parents, provided you've calmed down, thought about it, and do in fact want them in your life. I know it's hard to chill and put things in perspective when you feel this badly though. Good luck to you.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

The depths of pain one experiences from this is far greater then the trauma that causes it. I️ wish I️ would of never been born. I️ can’t say it enough how bad I️ have this and how much suffering there is for anyone who experiences this. I️ consider ending it everyday. Even though there aren’t days. I️ just want to be done then sit here and just suffer.


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## Kloin (Oct 16, 2017)

CoffeGirl, Im sorry your feeling this way but you have to keep in mid that there are others that have your condition like me and thousands more. Im 14 years old and if im going to have to live with this for the rest of my life than fuck it. Depersonlization is just some shitty feeling and nothong else or more. Life sucks with it, Im sure we all feel your pain and suffering but pinch yourself right now, if you can feel that then your still alive and breathing in this world. I suggest trying diffrent things like going outside and going to the gym just to distract your mind, you'll be suprised of how fun it is. Im 100% you have friends, If you dont then now would be the greatest time to make some. If you havent took medication then Im sure someone here will suggest that you do and if you havent tried natural things, like working out, eating healthy, sleeping well, vitamins, ect. Then try that before going straight into medication, But if your already say taking medication and its not working well with you after a few months, then i suggest changing it up and asking your doctor for something else, After all we're all diffrent and not every medication will work with our bodys. I suggest you so more research on that though or asking a doctor, or asking someone here with more experience with medications. Im sorry if im making you feel even more worse or anything and you may have already knew about all these things knowing you've been in this state longer than me. I hope you find happiness somehow and please keep in mind that there are so many people that are willing to help on this sight and to be honest it feels good to talk to someone with DP and its just like that understand way more becuase they do. But yeah thats all I can say besides just be yourself amd domt let this defy who you are. I am just 14 though, but anyways I hope you feel better and hope this helped somehow and just keep fighting this and somehow, I know you'll get through it.

PS: sorry if i had typos, I dont feel like looking over my writing because im lazy..


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I️ don’t think we have the same thing. Or have it the same way. And yes I️ do and have done all your suggestions. It’s not just a feeling. Give me a break. So not feeling your body or your self is just a feeling I️ should be ok with? I️ don’t think so. Life doesn’t stop just bc I️ did.


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## Thisisnotlife (Oct 20, 2017)

i feel excactly same. i feel that im too weak and possessed. I feel that my soul is in hell


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I️ am not conscious or alive. Please somebody help me. Really I️ am so scared. My body is completely empty


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> I️ am not conscious or alive. Please somebody help me. Really I️ am so scared. My body is completely empty


Something my therapist helped me do is controlled breathing.

Try to sit back, close your eyes, and breath in. As you are taking deliberate and deep breaths, contract your muscles for a moment and then breath for a few moments before doing it again.

When you are anxious, your body generates energy. Being able to clench your muscles and release that energy can help you relax.

Also, just remember: you *are* conscious and you *are *alive. It may not feel like it, but I promise that you are!


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

If I️ am conscious and alive why do I️ feel like I️ am not. I️ mean I️ wouldn’t make that up! This feeling is intense. I️ have no connection to my body, it’s not even my body. I️ am uncomfortable and scared at all times. I️ have no thoughts and I️ feel nothing like me. Nothing. I️ barely can breathe. I️ don’t feel my actions or movements . I️ can’t feel myself anywhere. I️ can’t feel my self laying in my bed. It’s like my body disapoeared. I️ can’t do breathing exercises bc I️ don’t have normal breathing. Breathe doesn’t come in and out. My head feels so foreign. Everything does


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I️ am the farthest thing away from feeling human as possible without being dead


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

But aren’t you supposed to feel your body? My body is completely foreign.like even typing this it’s not really my arms. Nothing feels like me. I️ barely know how to walk. It’s like there is no one in my body controlling me. My face is gone. I️ don’t feel where my body is in space and it doesn’t feel like it should at all.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I️ can’t with any other human being on any level. Truly this is hell. The opposite of life


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> The depths of pain one experiences from this is far greater then the trauma that causes it. I️ wish I️ would of never been born. I️ can't say it enough how bad I️ have this and how much suffering there is for anyone who experiences this. I️ consider ending it everyday. Even though there aren't days. I️ just want to be done then sit here and just suffer.


Yes, I think that the symptoms that arise from the original trauma can be so powerful they become overwhelming and overshadow what might have caused them, but I also think that resolving the original trauma can do surprising things to bring down the symptoms. It's said that the most stressful thing is feeling trapped in circumstances where we have no power or control. There may have been an original situation that may have long since ended, but it became internalized through trauma so we can still feel that way. First accepting how you felt in the original situation and then reinterpreting it in a more objective and empowering way can make a difference. So if someone made you feel bad about yourself or powerless, you grieve those feelings, while challenging the unhealthy thoughts and beliefs they come with, like affirming you are not essentially bad if someone made you feel shame, or that no-one can tell you what to do anymore if they made you feel powerless. Sometimes I think of dissociation as having been run out of your own town where you're supposed to be mayor!


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Phantasm said:


> Yes, I think that the symptoms that arise from the original trauma can be so powerful they become overwhelming and overshadow what might have caused them, but I also think that resolving the original trauma can do surprising things to bring down the symptoms. It's said that the most stressful thing is feeling trapped in circumstances where we have no power or control. There may have been an original situation that may have long since ended, but it became internalized through trauma so we can still feel that way. First accepting how you felt in the original situation and then reinterpreting it in a more objective and empowering way can make a difference. So if someone made you feel bad about yourself or powerless, you grieve those feelings, while challenging the unhealthy thoughts and beliefs they come with, like affirming you are not essentially bad if someone made you feel shame, or that no-one can tell you what to do anymore if they made you feel powerless. Sometimes I think of dissociation as having been run out of your own town where you're supposed to be mayor!


How can you resolve the original trauma if you nor it no longer exists? Both Me and the trauma is long gone.


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

You exist, it only seems like you don't because your system is flooded with natural chemicals designed to insulate and protect you from danger.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Phantasm said:


> You exist, it only seems like you don't because your system is flooded with natural chemicals designed to insulate and protect you from danger.


So what are you supposed to do? Sorry I️ just am at my wits end. I️ really don't know who or what I️ am. When I️ do anything,I️ can't feel it.


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## Nadosa (Sep 9, 2017)

You are present consciousness. Maybe have a look into buddhism. That is the only thing that has pulled and still pulls me out of the hole.


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> So what are you supposed to do? Sorry I️ just am at my wits end. I️ really don't know who or what I️ am. When I️ do anything,I️ can't feel it.


The symptoms can be so strong that they seem to become the issue. The original trauma may not seem like very much by comparison, but it may have affected you deeply and a part of you still doesn't feel you are safe and have choices. I would suggest you look at working with a therapist to resolve the original trauma and accept any other help or support you can get in the mean time.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Phantasm said:


> The symptoms can be so strong that they seem to become the issue. The original trauma may not seem like very much by comparison, but it may have affected you deeply and a part of you still doesn't feel you are safe and have choices. I would suggest you look at working with a therapist to resolve the original trauma and accept any other help or support you can get in the mean time.


I have no other support besides my therapist. I am too far gone  literally Annie is gone. For good I think. I can't really blame her; it's an awful world. I am at the point where I don't want to work on this anymore. You shouldn't be able to just disappear like this, it's not fair to not exist any more. I am defeated. Everytime I come back i just ended up leaving again. I am don't want to try and "be here" anymore when i should just " be here" you shouldn't have to work at " being"


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## Thisisnotlife (Oct 20, 2017)

yeah thats it. people take it for granted when they can be at peace and feel even normally good. but i have to work beingness. its like most bottom state you can possibly be.


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