# suicide would be best



## skyydl (Jul 4, 2006)

i am at the point to where i think killing my self would be best i see nothing but hell in my future. i mean my granpa has lung cancer my wife has cystic fibrosis and she dosnt have very much time left she isnt even staying with me she stays with her mom now ,plus my dr/dp is so bad all i can do is sit back in this fog disconected from the world and watch all of it happen my kids are growing and i cant be apart of it i cant get out excersie cant get in to anything cant talk to nobody and when i do talk to people it dont even really feel that im there or even apart of whats going on and i just want it 2 all end,,i dont know what i have done to deserve this


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## Guest (Jul 28, 2006)

I've thought about this alot myself but i doubt its better... I mean look at the logic. If you have the will to kill yourself and end your life why not have the will to change. To just give up everything you think you know about life and just put all your energy forward to win. Dont think too deep it aint healthy


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

Suicide has crossed my mind many times in the past and at the time it seemed like a very logical solution to my problems. But looking back on it now i see that it wasent.

No matter how shitty life for you at the moment is things can always get better. But once you kill yourself there is no hope of things ever improving.

Ive often wondered what i did to deserve all this crap ive been through as well. But ive never come up with a good answer for that. It's just life and some people are dealt a bad hand. But you have to do the best with what you got.

If you can think of nothing else to stay alive for think of your kids. It would be a pretty big blow to them to lose both their mom and dad.


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## skyydl (Jul 4, 2006)

If you can think of nothing else to stay alive for think of your kids. It would be a pretty big blow to them to lose both their mom and dad.[/quote]

in away they already have lost their dad im no good to them nor im i any good to anybody else


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## Guest (Jul 28, 2006)

skyydl said:


> If you can think of nothing else to stay alive for think of your kids. It would be a pretty big blow to them to lose both their mom and dad.


in away they already have lost their dad im no good to them nor im i any good to anybody else[/quote]

I know depression feels justified when you have dp/dr but its not helping you at all. So with that said i think you should get help for it, have some faith and keep pushing forward no matter how shitty your life may be. Have you tried st.johns wort? I dont think ssri's are good because they made me feel more zombied. I think everytime your feeling sad pop in a st. johns wort and if you have low energy take some selenium in the morning to get the blood flowing.


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## none (Dec 29, 2005)

...


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## Lunar Lander (Feb 17, 2006)

Skyydl, I think a lot of us have had these thoughts, but if I had given up a few months ago - even just resigned myself to having this and not being able to do anything about it - I wouldn't be where I am right now, which is almost completely cured (I get short episodes of it every now and then). Immediately, I would call 1-800-SUICIDE, and I would keep that number around for when you need it.

Then I would get some regular therapy with someone who specializes in anxiety - can anyone provide the link to the dp therapists I see every now and then?

I will also say that I thought I couldn't do a lot and was surprised to find that I could and that when I did I would start to feel better. Not completely at first, but when I found I could do one thing it would build my confidence, make me less anxious, and make me get a little better. This continued on and on until where I am now. I do still sink back into worry about taking care of myself, but I've pretty much always found improvement by just not thinking about it, which involves doing something so absorbing that I can't think about it as much. Do you ever find there are times which are better than other times?


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## livinginhell333 (Feb 19, 2005)

comfortably numb said:


> Suicide has crossed my mind many times in the past and at the time it seemed like a very logical solution to my problems. But looking back on it now i see that it wasent.
> 
> No matter how shitty life for you at the moment is things can always get better. But once you kill yourself there is no hope of things ever improving.
> 
> ...


i've asked the same questions. no answers dude. this is hell on earth however and i'd hate to go the the real hell so i'm not goin to commit suicide but i just can't do this forever. i want to feel again, you know i want to love my family friends have a girlfriend possible wife and kids in the future and truly care about them and be happy, not be a robot who's on autopilot who can't feel, i can't take care of nobody like this. there's just nothing inside me anymore. my mind is numb, and i do go out almost every day and try to exercise work and hang out with friends, the dp is still there but lessens a little and the dr is alllways there and the fog doesn't want to lift at all.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Sky,

First off, i'm probably going to sound cruel. Suicide is the cowards way out. It is the most selfish thing you could do.

Now - you have my sincere sympathies about your current mental state and your grandmothers cancer, but, unfortunately, that is life. To try and put it in perspective, I have laeukemia, I recently lost my granmother, I too am an emotional mess, but, as they saying goes. 'Get busy living or get busy dying.'

You are not in hell. You DO have a future. All that is happpening is that your are surrounded by turmoil and chaos, and yes - I've thought (and attempted) suicide before, but why? You will recover from DR/DP, you will, and you have a life ahead of you.

If I had have killed myself, apart from destroying my parents, I wouldn't be alive today, free from DP/DP and shortly off to work in Gibraltar.

Just stay strong and listen to the advice of wiser people of this forum. Bad things happen, but you can recover, no - you will. Remind yourself of that and think of the future you could,will, have.


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

How do you know where you will go when you die? What is death? I want to die too (assuming that means no pain) but I'm afraid I will go to a worse place.

Death is a panic attack trigger for me... my DP gets so bad thinking about this sh*t. Existence and the lack thereof...

Hang in there. We know people have been cured from DP. But does anyone really know what death is. Maybe we're already dead....

Ok.... I'll shut up now.


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## Guest (Jul 28, 2006)

It doesn't get better when you die thats for sure. Whatever fantasies you have about the afterlife aren't true.


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## none (Dec 29, 2005)

//


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## skyydl (Jul 4, 2006)

after four years of this goes by and it just gets worse and more and more intense and will not let up i would some times rather feel nothing,,plus i just dont think im going to be able to handle it it just has gotten way 2 bad


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

But what is nothing... there never really was nothing was there.... SOMETHING was always here..... which is where we came from.... and if if we kill our human bodies.... won't we go back to that something...

Something was created out of nothing..... can something be created into nothing...

I'm scaring myself again...

And I sound like a nut, sorry.


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## Methusala (Dec 22, 2005)

Skydl, call 1-800-suicide right now. For God's sake man, don't leave your kids with no mother or father. Losing a parent to suicide is about the hardest blow a person of any age can take. It doesn't matter how 'bad' a parent mistakenly thinks they are, or even how 'bad' they theoreticaly really are, the blow will be an atomic bomb of pain and damage to the children's lives forever.

Skydl, call 1-800-suicide right now. Your a valuable human being no matter what your temporarily tired thoughts are telling you. It's well known by researchers that the moraly and rationaly wrong idea of suicide usually arises due to a temporarily hurt mind incorrectly hallucinating itself as 'bad.' Dude your thoughts about yourself being bad are Wrong!

Skydl, call for help for your mind right now! Call 1-800-suicide right now!

M


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## Universal (May 30, 2005)

Dude I really feel your pain. I've also been struggling for years now and no let up. I mean something has to brighter us and ease the load right? but it just doesnt' happen that way I guess. Like others have said think about who you will be leaving behind. Also, think that you have some potential to do something. You don't have to be Picasso or Leonardo da Vinci, just someone , anyone who has a job or some kind of occupation. Something that you will do with your hands , your head and your heart. Remember, no matter what, you always have your heart. And I think you should reconsider your motives for suicide. Nothing good will ever come out of it. Nothing good has ever come out of it. NOTHING>

SO, go out there and try to do something. Try to seek help. Call the emergency line if you have to but don't commit suicide. We need you believe me, the world needs you, your family needs you, and you need you.

God bless, and keep on keepin' on, even if it's a mess.


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

ditto... call hotline, or better yet... just simply go to your local hospital's emergency room and tell them you're having suicidal thoughts. There's plenty of help out there, you just have to reach out. It takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out, and you can do it.


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## walkingdead (Jan 28, 2006)

If you have gotten worse then you must be able to get better. Unfortunatly my symptoms have stayed the same. But I feel if your symptoms have changed one way, they could change a different way.


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## Xu (May 6, 2006)

Why do people always suggest the suicide hotlines? I can't help but be intrigued as to what I'll hear if I phone one up. What kind of crazy magic can some random person over the phone work on someone who sees death as the best choice for them?

It's easy, in my opinion, to want to kill myself because I don't believe anything happens when you die. If something does, then great, I'll be interested in it regardless of good or bad.

I think it's cruel to call someone who wishes to kill theirself a coward or a weakling. Do you think you're going to drive them to live by encouraging them that their current way of thinking is flawed? The last thing I want to hear when I'm suicidal is that if I kill myself, I'd be a COWARD. I'm not even sure if people truly think that way, because if I ever choose to die, it's my life, and it's my choice to end it - sometimes life is just too tiring to even care about. Why should I care about even having a future? Feeling that there is nothing else you want to do in life is just one way of being. For me it has little to do with being afraid of making other choices, but rather the opinion built by my current life that death would be acceptable.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Xu said:


> I'm not even sure if people truly think that way, because if I ever choose to die, it's my life, and it's my choice to end it - sometimes life is just too tiring to even care about. Why should I care about even having a future? Feeling that there is nothing else you want to do in life is just one way of being. For me it has little to do with being afraid of making other choices, but rather the opinion built by my current life that death would be acceptable.


But your death affects other people in a very profound way, it hands a life sentence of guilt onto your friends and famly who will always feel that they let you down. By commiting suicide you are handing over your pain to other people often to the people you love the most, rather than bearing it yourself, suffering is not eliminated by suicide it is simply transferred to other people and often multiplied in the process.


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## skyydl (Jul 4, 2006)

it's not that i really want to kill my self its just that i am so affraid of the future cause for the last four years things have only getting worse and as of right now its at its peak i mean things are the worse they have ever been in my life and worse than what i ever could have thought them to be and im so so affraid its going to get worse in fact i know that its going to get worse and i just cant face it


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## skyydl (Jul 4, 2006)

and also i have no one and i mean no one for support ,my family thinks i should just snap out of it . or either im just faking it ,and i need to move on with my life. like the other day i told them about how bad i feel and when i was walking off i herad them laughing , and when i tell them that i want to eat better they just say it dont matter what i eat then they just keep offering me junk food in till i finnally just give in .i just wish God would take me with him. cause i have nothing for this world ,and it has nothing for me., and i am sorry if it seems that i am coming on here to get attention its just i got to get my feelings out some where.


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## becky (Jan 19, 2006)

Sky is you want to change your life than you CAN! If you want to eat better, exercise and try to change things than no matter how unsupportive everyone else is around you, YOU still have the power to do it! And i imagine if you were to make a few goals and meet them with all your own will power it would feel pretty damn good! Exercising and eating well are some of the best ways to at least get all this crap under control. Even if your family doesnt support it, do it for you and prove them all wrong! Suicidal thoughts are scary and hard to cope with- go to the hospital IMMEDIATLY and get the help you deserve. Are you on any medication right now? The hospital will take you in if you tell them about the suicidal thoughts and get you into a treatment program FAST. It is the first step to getting better and feeling better so i really really hope you go. Dont give up- people have struggled for years but have found relief and ways to cope and love life again. I feel for you struggle and i hope all the best that things look up soon. Please get help before you give up and make the changes you want to make for yourself and for your kids.


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## CaroleDaBoyz (Aug 18, 2004)

I've considered suicide as an option more than once - because of mental distress and because of physical pain.

I've learned a lot from my suicidal ideations. It's not as easy to actually do as most people think. And it isn't "the coward's way out" - the ego is programmed for survival and it's the supreme battle with the ego to end your own life.

The most important thing that I've learned is that "emotional" suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have no problem with "rational" suicide (a well considered decision in consultation with health professionals in the case of terminal disease), but emotional suicide is such a waste.

There are actions you can take to overcome suicidal thoughts that have already been suggested in the previous posts: suicide hotlines and therapy. A good therapist can help you gain a new perspective on your life and your life problems. Every psychiatrist I've seen (working on number 5 right now), has given me insights into my mental and emotional processes.

Another consideration is the survivors. I've been through the deaths of my five brothers, both parents, and others I cared about even more (all from natural causes), and I'm acutely aware of the emotional pain that the survivors experience. It can be devastating. If the cause of death was suicide it would be beyond devastating, and I've seen it in my own family. My sister's only son committed suicide (at 19) many years ago, and she still can't deal with it.

For several years, I've lived with chronic physical pain (4 or 5 on the pain scale), with episodes of acute pain (last night was a 10) which are totally debilitating. There are times in my life when 'ceasing to exist' is a very desirable way to end excruciating pain and I've discussed it with my partner and my doctor.

My doctor reminds me that I do have periods when the pain is tolerable and that there are ways to manage the pain.

My partner tells me how lacking his life would be without me in it. And we have cats ... far too many cats ... but we both adore them. Some are more attached to him - but there are some for whom I'm the centre of their universe. They adore me, and it would be cruel for me to abandon them. It would leave a terrible void in their lives. I couldn't do that. They need me for their emotional well-being.

The best reason for me to stay alive is that I don't know what the future will bring. Since my unsuccessful 'emotional' suicide attempt more than 20 years ago, I've had many wonderful things happen in my life. I owned a successful business, I founded a successful cat welfare society, and I have the love of my cats ... and I finally have a mature, loving relationship after a history of non-functional, destructive relationships.

Life has been good to me. I had DP for about 5 years, recovered, and recently became DP'd again. I have depression, and I have a progressive spinal disorder which causes chronic pain, which in turn causes chronic fatigue. But I also have a strong ego and a strong will. I will not let my current physical and emotional problems overcome me. I take pride in striking them down one by one.

I'm a huge fan of Tony Robbins. Agreed he is a dork but his message is solid. The whole premise of his motivational programs is that *action* is required for change. As Tony says, "bitching about the weeds in your garden isn't going to get rid them. You have to pull the damn suckers out".

It's the same thing with overcoming any obstacle: depression, depersonalization, physical pain, etc. There are things that can be done to alleviate it; therapy, medications, whatever. But it won't change unless you work at it.

Life can be very discouraging at times, and that makes it difficult to see beyond the present ... but there is a future out there ... and you can have some control of what happens in the future.

I suspect that you know that suicide isn't the answer even though you're in considerable emotional pain right now. I empathize with how terrible you feel right now, but it's not my empathy that you really need. You need professional help.

Please seek the professional help you need, and don't give up if the first effort isn't successful. Keep trying until you find what works for you.

Remember, life can be damn good.

Carole


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## Guest (Jul 30, 2006)

Tony Robbins rules


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## Xu (May 6, 2006)

> my family thinks i should just snap out of it . or either im just faking it ,and i need to move on with my life. like the other day i told them about how bad i feel and when i was walking off i herad them laughing , and when i tell them that i want to eat better they just say it dont matter what i eat then they just keep offering me junk food


Doesn't being around people like that just make you feel worse??

I don't try to get along with my family to begin with, I'm completely cold toward them because they're the main reason I've become this way, so I may be looking at this more strict than you. But.. I also have those problems, and they make me feel terrible.

Laughing about things I say or do all the time.. and thinking that eating healthy is stupid and pointless. I get so sick of all my mother's comments about how "silly" some people are, like those who actually cook food to eat. My family thought it was absolutely hilarious that while in the UK with my boyfriend, we actually cooked nearly all of our meals, and they contained like .. ACTUAL FOOD.

I was jealous as a child growing up of all the other kids, who had parents that cooked for them. They always had the assurance that food would be there for them. But I always had to scrape up whatever junk food or other filling matter I could find on my own. I didn't want to grow up that way, and I don't want to exist that way now. I want to have good, healthy food.

I've been finding things that my parents can understand lately and feel concern for, they actually DO have some opinions in common with me. And using that I'm slowly getting less embarrassed of buying real food. I used to literally be too afraid of getting something healthy because I would be laughed at. I actually bought GREEN VEGETABLES yesterday. OMG. First time they've ever been in our house.

Yeah, anyway, sorry for rambling about myself. I think people like that are a huge strain on your own identity, and you totally need to break out of having to deal with their bull.


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## skyydl (Jul 4, 2006)

yes xu i know just how you feel . i have to go through the same bull also ,and it does make me feel worse


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