# Drowning In Myself



## Guest (Jan 23, 2006)

Hi.
I'm 15, female, recently diagnosed as dipolar type II, ADD, derealization/depersonalization, and some social anxieties
.....well, I think, anyway.
They don't really tell me what's going on.
I'm just so confused.
Things are going well now.....few mood swings, feeling better....except....
It's like I'm drowning in myself. Someone's slowly suffocating my....being? Hell, I don't know.
I just feel like screaming "THIS IS NOT ME." 
Things are faded and grey and so distant.
I describe it as fuzzy. That's what I'll tell my boyfriend, when he asks what's wrong. 
Fuzzy. I turn around, and BAM, fuzzy. Blink, and it's distinctly there.
It doesn't really go away. 
Maybe it "seeps" away, or something, but it's always there.
And I feel like I'm dying.
Once, when I was like 6-7th, I was so alive. So damned depressed, paraniod to the max, but ALIVE. I drew, I painted, I really cried.
I'm just a puppet now...going through all the motions.
Like the title of a book- _ I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream._ Never read it, but I think I want to.
Help?


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## Guest_ (Sep 17, 2005)

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## Guest (Jan 23, 2006)

Not really. Distorted moods,yes. Depressed, yes. Anger issues, yes.
But what they define as "hypomania" lasts a day, if I'm lucky.


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