# Two psychoanalytic explanations of DP/DR



## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Donald Winnicott http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Winnicott was an influential psychoanalyst who studied child development who in my opinion gives a good explanation of DP/DR:

_"At its best the Mother's sensitive touch and responsive care of the baby's body will enable him to experience physical and emotional satisfaction in an integrated way. This will help the baby to bring together the worlds of sensation and emotion, building a stable unity of mind and body. The person who received enough sensitive handling in early life will experience his mental emotional and physical capacities as connected and personal in 'true self' living.

By contrast, the baby may feel that his bodily functions are managed impersonally, or he may be left alone, emotionally or physically, for longer than he can bear. He may attempt to cope by identifying with his mind instead of his body, despising his physical needs and distancing himself from physical experience. He may feel that his 'true self' is ethereal rather than corporeal. He is trying to cope with the agony of 'having no relation to the body', *an experience which may surface later in life as feeling unreal, depersonalised*, floating in a void without being anchored to the bodily self."_

So he is basically saying that DP is a retreat into your head to avoid the primal anxieties created by un-empathetic or neglectful mothering. Ronald Fairbairn http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronald_Fairbairn was a less well known psychotherapist who's ideas became more influential to the later Object Relations branch of psychotherapy.

_"The schizoid position is the primary structuring of the self which Fairbairn took as the basis for personality development of all kinds. The schizoid personality develops when the original splitting and repression are maintained and increased to an extreme, yet without the psychotic fragmentation of schizophrenia. The hallmark of the the extreme schizoid position, the schizoid state, is a sense of emptiness, deadness and futility. While this state is experienced transiently by many people, the schizoid person experiences it as a normal way of being. In Fairbairn's terms, so much personal involvement - need and anger - has been split off and repressed that the central ego has been left empty. *Many people in a schitzoid state express this as feeling unreal and cut off, as though seperated from the world and their own feelings by a glass screen.* The sense of povery arises from the poverty of their relationships which in object relations theory are the centre of human life."_

This explanation I recognise most in myself in that I always felt the need to repress my needs and anger when I was young, leaving my ego empty making me insecure in my personal relationships.

Both quotations are taken from the book 'An Introduction to Object Relations' - Lavina Gomez


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## Guest (Feb 3, 2008)

Thank you for that Pablo. Many of us can relate to "neglectful mothering" even myself. You may have come across something quite useful there.

Cheers.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

I absolutely love Winnicott. Reading his philosophies didn't only change my mind, it completely changed how I felt about myself. I love him. Bless you!


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## Thomas Rymer (Jan 4, 2008)

I myself relate more to the second one.

If I was a sceptical man I would wonder if parents from the places where these people come from might just be extraordinarily crappy in general.


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## present (Dec 6, 2007)

Excellent post...I think that it might have some truth, but I somehow believe that for me DP is now in my control...my defense mechanism. It sort of lays the blame on the mother and while that may have been true when I was younger (of both of my parents) that is not letting me be myself and attend to my needs and feel anger without guilt, I feel like I am the one who is holding me back. I am the one who is not allowing all of my feelings and hidden experiences to come out.
My brother died around the time I went numb. It seems such a natural defense mechanism, but I have the sense that it is much deeper than just his death alone. Anyway, I feel like I am dethawing a little more and more each day after 15 years of this debilitation. Good to hear from you guys and your opinions. Really like Winnicot.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Probably not in all cases but in most I think the initial blame is on the mother for creating the need for people to have defences, but as they are our defences it is within our capability to let them go when we are adults, we just need the right support and guidance to make us feel safe and supported enough so we dont feel the need for the defence any more, which is where a therapist can help.

You do have to keep in mind the background and own parenting of the people who come up with these theories but in general I think you can look on them with some reliability because they dont base their theories on limited case studies, Winnicott for example worked at two childrens hospitals and they estimate he had seen over sixty thousand cases in his life, which is far more than the majority of other people in his area so I would expect him to have some insight. Trauma can occur at any stage in life so DP can also be triggered at any stage so these theories dont fit all people, but to many people I expect they are relevant to some degree.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

I admit I do sometimes think of the tragedy it would be if my children had any idea of my suffering. I wouldn't want them to suffer as I have. And in the most extreme sense....I feel it would be wrong to have children after what I have been through. But I resolve to find meaning and fulfillment in my own life, and learn to live in relative harmony with others and the fact that we are angry/selfish beings who desperately need to participate with life on our own terms. If I were able to respect that in a child, I feel that I would have not fallen into the trap of what my mum did: which was to simply train me, repeatedly, over and over, to believe that nothing about my feelings or my desires in life would ever count...the kind of parenting that leads to an almost complete loss of self-sense and purpose.


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## present (Dec 6, 2007)

Pablo,
good comment. I agree with you. I think that is what I wanted to get at.


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