# My personal favorites by Rozanne



## Guest (Mar 4, 2007)

These are just a few of the poems that Rozanne has written that strike a cord with me. I guess they have different meaning for Rozanne, but when I take
ownership of them, They stir memories 
BTW Rozanne, if at any point you do not what these poems posted, just let me know and I will remove them.

Greg 
1:

Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:19 am Post subject: Self-control is not that boring

For a good straight eighteen years 
My fear of difference 
Had its peer: 
The groaning fear of being boring 
Of rising for normal work 
In the morning

And so I rarely gave it thought 
That I should do 
What I really ought 
My plan was ever so sincere - 
But it has only led me here

This morn 
I have another prayer: 
To know real beauty 
And prepare 
To learn the same 
Soft, simple tune 
Before my gifts are all 
Bestrewn

2:Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:45 am Post subject: How I hate my mum

Of course, nobody wants to hear 
About how I became so queer 
They always just aquit my mum 
For all the damage that she's done 
So I just wish that they were there 
When I stood waiting at the stair 
On that cold November day 
When my mum had gone away.

The winds were sharp in eighty eight 
They made a rattle on the gate 
Which had a lock so insecure 
The gate flew round, the rose bush blew

My school was just across the road 
But there the damage was untold 
I always took the teacher's plate 
And did not climb the massive gate

The drive was short 
But oh to me 
It helped me fill my fantasy 
That I was loved 
And I was dear 
So there I never shed a tear

But in the night I knew my fear 
I'd watch the dark 
Where things appeared 
To my innocent child's eye 
And all I had were tears to cry

3:Jan 12, 2007 7:25 am Post subject: Tempered attack

Whiley woolly woe 
I've been thrown out of my only home 
By a persistent evil mare 
Who seems to hold me by the hair

The bitch attacks me as a go, and sadness then is all I know 
The garden path has more demure 
But still, I cannot find it pure 
My bones and skin need a better place 
Where I can at least just save some face

But no, I'm always wrong in this 
She's sure I'm worth no more than piss

4:Sat Jan 06, 2007 10:12 pm Post subject: Talking Dirty

I need sex Like a cow chewing the cud! I wanna roll around in the blackest mud That has been sun-baked for days and contains bugs I want to stick my face in it, forced down from above.

5osted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 2:07 pm Post subject: The need for self-expression

Hollow one, whose eyes are like rain in the dark 
It's as if you drift, to an outside eye 
But you do not float -- it is as though you are compelled into your mystified state by focus alone

So how do you win back your life, even get it started? 
Through self expression alone? 
Everything else has failed 
Your encouragement is forever a dark night

Not a cell of you wants to wallow 
Not a microbe that falls on your skin 
So only your hope can give you a better idea 
Everything else is scattered, your disposition knows no peer.

If only you could sit, if only you could stand, if only you could fetch, 
Hold life in your hand

Your maze deludes you, spiders crawl from all sides...not least from within 
And as your angst wishes to screw another empty page 
Eloquence holds you from in 
A mouse squeaking, something stealing 
Such a deadly curiosity 
Holding life from within

6osted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 4:37 pm Post subject: "Why?" people

God bless slaves to sex 
And slaves to what hurts 
No soul ever said: being a slave to "why?" is the worst. 
The Y girls and Y boys are tempestuously fulfilled 
By subtle "why?"s and subtle "if"s 
And it makes them so ill

With a sickness unto death 
The substance the loftiest kind 
Ends every thought with "wherefore?" 
And the compulsion to find

"Why?"'s creatures start fast until "why?" 
Clouds their minds 
Then "Why?" slows everything down 
Till they wish they would die

7:iron gates get lonely 
Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 1:17 pm Post subject: I must accompany my prison lest the 
Approaching my doom, 
A winter leaf captures my attention 
Hanging solitary, heart-shaped on a naked branch 
Utterly alone and desperate not to fall

Her thread-like, fibre grasp 
Weakens silently 
And she trembles in the absence of wind 
Darkness taunts her fragile beauty 
Into giving up, submitting subversively 
To the death crack-whip of nature

(I must be cracking up to write things like this.) 
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I must accompany my prison

Iron gates! Don't greet me 
I'm glad to see you 
Please, let me hang myself from your bars 
I want to catch my elbows in between 
So I can be married to contempt forever

How I long to cry on the metal 
Maybe bitterness and salt can dissolve my hopes to turmoil 
Please, lock that door 
The gates comfort me

I want to slip under this hard, wooden bed 
And wait for the wood to disintegrate into my very flesh 
The nails will entertain me while I try not to 
Think of my own desperation

No one can hear me---this wasteland captured my soul a long time ago 
I was dancing in the snow 
And the forest leaned in on me 
Why, I could have shouted then, 
But a cloud smothered me

The furthest reaches of my soul 
Are nothing but a lonely pit 
I dance around it now 
Not in jest, but as a final show

I want to be remembered for being carefree 
As truely, nothing is more so than the desperation of this 
My soul could crack in the humidity of a death-like sauna 
And I would not notice 
It means nothing to me

Dis-association, gentle poison, enslaving me 
By own tastebuds 
Don't slip me another, I am gone 
Save your witchery for another lass 
I am corrupted already, a fragmented mass

Why, I truely am dispersed: 
Deceptively clear water, encountered in pleasantly stiffled dreams 
First alerted me to this curse

My soul was gone 
I lay, I couldn't say barren, but grey 
Tracing the geometry of my robes 
Creating faces in the dirt 
If I had not have taken an elevated view, I suppose it would have hurt

I lay beside myself! 
Letting my baby-skin rot 
I dreamed of toys I did not have 
Laying alone in my cot 
If that was a dream, then I will kill myself now 
As the only realities of my life will have been disproved out and out 
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(Hope that anyone who reads this is not put off by unpolished style. I write from the death-inhabited fissures of my pathetic existance, what comes out could not be disguised as nice. Sorry.)
_________________

8osted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 8:09 pm Post subject: Oh dear honey

The dishes, the stove, I have so much work to do 
All my knitting was wrecked 
I know 
You will beat me when you come home.

I'll place your tea on the hob, 
Jessie's milk on the step 
Don't use that door 
There's not the room for you to slip

So precious rhine, 
I'll wait some more 
You said not long 
But time has passed 
The pots and pans are in their place 
I sit alone, 
All but begowned, 
Looking through the frosted glass.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

It's my reality. I feel rejected by everything and everyone in the world and I have no home.

My mind became my home when I had no one to accept or love me. The only encouragement I got was for being "different" and "special"> so that is the only way I feel worthy of love, by being different.

I know I relate to people in many emotional ways: fear, love, disgust, embarassment, shame, envy, jealousy, loneliness, mirth.

But I feel like no one will ever know what it is to fee so alienated. Fitting in would be the worst thing I could imagine because no one would think I was special. No one would dedicate to a life with me if they didn't feel intensly alone.

I feel like anyone normal will always choose normal people over and above me and that rejection in favour of normality strikes me because "normal" is something I will never be, or rather am too afraid to call myself.


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## Guest (Mar 4, 2007)

> I had no one to accept or love me.


I know that feeling Rozanne, I can empathize, for I also have been there
And felt that I didnt fit in anywhere, but I found my home as will you

Greg


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