# FUCK THISSSSSSS



## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Crying in agony and so much pain, I can't take it anymore. Fuck, it gets better? FUCK THAT. I'm dying.


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## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

Melissa_Z said:


> Crying in agony and so much pain, I can't take it anymore. Fuck, it gets better? FUCK THAT. I'm dying.


Send me your FB. Stay strong,you will qonquer this. WE ALL FUCKING WILL! With willpower you can come far,but it's not everything,at point you break,you gotta find something to relieve it a bit,then you can go on again. It will get better.. Do you have it 24/7 btw?


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

One thing I know is that the feeling if wanting to die, *goes away*. please call someone if you think you might act on it. I've been there, I've tried to act on it, that's the last thing you want to experience on top of all this. All it did was land me in the hospital and scare the hell out of me. I promise it will get better


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I know you're probably sick of hearing this but get off the computer and go outside. Sit at a park or at a coffee shop and just people watch. You're screwing yourself by holing up in your house thinking about your symptoms. I was exactly like you. I was just as bad as you. People on here used to tell me that I seemed to have a worse case than most people and now I am 99% recovered. I have my own home, income, am a single parent and am doing fine and it's all because I realized about 8 months ago that I had the power in my own mind to live in hell or get better. It really is as simple as that. Back around May of 2011 I was bed ridden with symptoms. I had laid in bed for the previous 4 months. I wasn't functioning and then I read some Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Techniques in the book Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder by Fugen Neziroglu. It seriously changed my entire life. I took a good hard look at my life and realized that I had created my own hell. I looked at my situation, my dp, my level of functioning and decided that I was broken. I was screwed. I was an invalid who was incapable of taking care of herself and incapable of functioning. And I realized that my situation was only going to be as bad as I decided it to be. If I decided to sit in my room and cry over being broken, reminding myself of how I can never take care of myself, how sick I am, etc then I truly would be that way. But I decided to take a different path. I knew the only road to recovery was to go and live my life the best I could and so I did. I told my room mate to forcibly drag me from my bed and from my house if he saw me trying to isolate, which was my coping mechanism for dp. I decided that I wasn't going to think about my dp anymore. I just had to accept that part of the normal human existence is suffering and that the majority of dp is suffering. I just had to accept that it was how I was going to feel and it didn't matter because it was all a lie my brain was telling me anyway. I committed to getting out of bed every day, going out of doing stuff, being in public and I realized that I felt 100 times better when I was out of the house interacting with the real world. Yeah, you feel like crap at first. You feel numb and completely disconnected and like you're on some hellish acid trip. DO IT ANYWAYS. Give dp the finger and concentrate of life around you. Watch how people interact with each other. Listen to the birds in the trees, look at the world around you. Sit in the midst of life and live it. Refuse to allow yourself to go hide in your room and in your house. Decide that you will get better and do what you need to do to get better. The only person who can help you is yourself. Decide that your aren't going to let dp control you anymore. Realize your symptoms and the impact the disorder has on your life are entirely up to you. Change your mindset and bully yourself into living. Tell yourself to shut the f up when you start obsessing about how you feel. Refocus on something else. Slowly but surely you will feel better and better until you don't ever think about it. I don't and a few times now reality has some back to me. I am confident that I am in the final stages of recovery and I know that it's because I decided to be. Nothing else would have helped me.

Oh and buy the book I mentioned. Have your parents read it and read it yourself or all of you read it together. Ask them to help you do what you need to do to get healthy again.


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## Skier (Jan 20, 2012)

ValleyGirl83 said:


> I know you're probably sick of hearing this but get off the computer and go outside. Sit at a park or at a coffee shop and just people watch. You're screwing yourself by holing up in your house thinking about your symptoms. I was exactly like you. I was just as bad as you. People on here used to tell me that I seemed to have a worse case than most people and now I am 99% recovered. I have my own home, income, am a single parent and am doing fine and it's all because I realized about 8 months ago that I had the power in my own mind to live in hell or get better. It really is as simple as that. Back around May of 2011 I was bed ridden with symptoms. I had laid in bed for the previous 4 months. I wasn't functioning and then I read some Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Techniques in the book Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder by Fugen Neziroglu. It seriously changed my entire life. I took a good hard look at my life and realized that I had created my own hell. I looked at my situation, my dp, my level of functioning and decided that I was broken. I was screwed. I was an invalid who was incapable of taking care of herself and incapable of functioning. And I realized that my situation was only going to be as bad as I decided it to be. If I decided to sit in my room and cry over being broken, reminding myself of how I can never take care of myself, how sick I am, etc then I truly would be that way. But I decided to take a different path. I knew the only road to recovery was to go and live my life the best I could and so I did. I told my room mate to forcibly drag me from my bed and from my house if he saw me trying to isolate, which was my coping mechanism for dp. I decided that I wasn't going to think about my dp anymore. I just had to accept that part of the normal human existence is suffering and that the majority of dp is suffering. I just had to accept that it was how I was going to feel and it didn't matter because it was all a lie my brain was telling me anyway. I committed to getting out of bed every day, going out of doing stuff, being in public and I realized that I felt 100 times better when I was out of the house interacting with the real world. Yeah, you feel like crap at first. You feel numb and completely disconnected and like you're on some hellish acid trip. DO IT ANYWAYS. Give dp the finger and concentrate of life around you. Watch how people interact with each other. Listen to the birds in the trees, look at the world around you. Sit in the midst of life and live it. Refuse to allow yourself to go hide in your room and in your house. Decide that you will get better and do what you need to do to get better. The only person who can help you is yourself. Decide that your aren't going to let dp control you anymore. Realize your symptoms and the impact the disorder has on your life are entirely up to you. Change your mindset and bully yourself into living. Tell yourself to shut the f up when you start obsessing about how you feel. Refocus on something else. Slowly but surely you will feel better and better until you don't ever think about it. I don't and a few times now reality has some back to me. I am confident that I am in the final stages of recovery and I know that it's because I decided to be. Nothing else would have helped me.
> 
> Oh and buy the book I mentioned. Have your parents read it and read it yourself or all of you read it together. Ask them to help you do what you need to do to get healthy again.


Hey ValleyGirl83, thanks for taking the time to write that, it really summed what ive been thinking about lately! I actually just picked up the book you mentioned, knowing that it worked for someone else is really encouraging







Did you find the behavioral stratagies it gives you usefull at all? I've only just gotten to the commitment techniques.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

ValleyGirl83 said:


> I know you're probably sick of hearing this but get off the computer and go outside. Sit at a park or at a coffee shop and just people watch. You're screwing yourself by holing up in your house thinking about your symptoms. I was exactly like you. I was just as bad as you. People on here used to tell me that I seemed to have a worse case than most people and now I am 99% recovered. I have my own home, income, am a single parent and am doing fine and it's all because I realized about 8 months ago that I had the power in my own mind to live in hell or get better. It really is as simple as that. Back around May of 2011 I was bed ridden with symptoms. I had laid in bed for the previous 4 months. I wasn't functioning and then I read some Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Techniques in the book Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder by Fugen Neziroglu. It seriously changed my entire life. I took a good hard look at my life and realized that I had created my own hell. I looked at my situation, my dp, my level of functioning and decided that I was broken. I was screwed. I was an invalid who was incapable of taking care of herself and incapable of functioning. And I realized that my situation was only going to be as bad as I decided it to be. If I decided to sit in my room and cry over being broken, reminding myself of how I can never take care of myself, how sick I am, etc then I truly would be that way. But I decided to take a different path. I knew the only road to recovery was to go and live my life the best I could and so I did. I told my room mate to forcibly drag me from my bed and from my house if he saw me trying to isolate, which was my coping mechanism for dp. I decided that I wasn't going to think about my dp anymore. I just had to accept that part of the normal human existence is suffering and that the majority of dp is suffering. I just had to accept that it was how I was going to feel and it didn't matter because it was all a lie my brain was telling me anyway. I committed to getting out of bed every day, going out of doing stuff, being in public and I realized that I felt 100 times better when I was out of the house interacting with the real world. Yeah, you feel like crap at first. You feel numb and completely disconnected and like you're on some hellish acid trip. DO IT ANYWAYS. Give dp the finger and concentrate of life around you. Watch how people interact with each other. Listen to the birds in the trees, look at the world around you. Sit in the midst of life and live it. Refuse to allow yourself to go hide in your room and in your house. Decide that you will get better and do what you need to do to get better. The only person who can help you is yourself. Decide that your aren't going to let dp control you anymore. Realize your symptoms and the impact the disorder has on your life are entirely up to you. Change your mindset and bully yourself into living. Tell yourself to shut the f up when you start obsessing about how you feel. Refocus on something else. Slowly but surely you will feel better and better until you don't ever think about it. I don't and a few times now reality has some back to me. I am confident that I am in the final stages of recovery and I know that it's because I decided to be. Nothing else would have helped me.
> 
> Oh and buy the book I mentioned. Have your parents read it and read it yourself or all of you read it together. Ask them to help you do what you need to do to get healthy again.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

I understand what you're saying and I appreciate it but I feel so LOST and DISCONNECTED its terrifying, yes I still manage to get myself out of bed and try to be normal but that is getting harder each day, my symptoms are progressively getting worse. I feel so far away from everything. As I was getting dressed today, I saw my clothes in front of me but they felt like they were not really there or they were 10000 miles away, terrifying. I'm so,detached from everything, nothing makes sense to my mind. Obviously I know what I'm looking at but it doesn't makes sense to my mind. What do you do when you're so sick like this and nothing gets better? What do you do? I have never felt this bad.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Melissa_Z said:


> I understand what you're saying and I appreciate it but I feel so LOST and DISCONNECTED its terrifying, yes I still manage to get myself out of bed and try to be normal but that is getting harder each day, my symptoms are progressively getting worse. I feel so far away from everything. As I was getting dressed today, I saw my clothes in front of me but they felt like they were not really there or they were 10000 miles away, terrifying. I'm so,detached from everything, nothing makes sense to my mind. Obviously I know what I'm looking at but it doesn't makes sense to my mind. What do you do when you're so sick like this and nothing gets better? What do you do? I have never felt this bad.


Melissa, the best advice I feel like I can give you right now, as a fellow sufferer fighting the same battle...is to not fight it. I feel as if you are fighting it and somehow trying to push it away as hard as you can. They say that DP feeds/fuels off of fear and attention. I acknowledge how difficult and terrifying your symptoms are at the moment, but you need to stop fearing them and looking at it as a threat. This would be the first step, in my opinion. Have you looked at trying out meditation or yoga? Something that can fully relax you and distract your mind from all of this stress would be beneficial for you.

It's also pretty freaky how most of your symptoms match mine. And I'm not just saying that so you feel better. I too feel like my mind cannot absorb/process anything that it sees. I look at pictures of my friends on Facebook and I can't connect with it whatsoever...so I just blankly stare at the screen unable to truly grasp what I see/read. It's annoying as hell.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

insaticiable said:


> Melissa, the best advice I feel like I can give you right now, as a fellow sufferer fighting the same battle...is to not fight it. I feel as if you are fighting it and somehow trying to push it away as hard as you can. They say that DP feeds/fuels off of fear and attention. I acknowledge how difficult and terrifying your symptoms are at the moment, but you need to stop fearing them and looking at it as a threat. This would be the first step, in my opinion. Have you looked at trying out meditation or yoga? Something that can fully relax you and distract your mind from all of this stress would be beneficial for you.
> 
> It's also pretty freaky how most of your symptoms match mine. And I'm not just saying that so you feel better. I too feel like my mind cannot absorb/process anything that it sees. I look at pictures of my friends on Facebook and I can't connect with it whatsoever...so I just blankly stare at the screen unable to truly grasp what I see/read. It's annoying as hell.


How do you cope? I feel like I'm gonna die,


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Melissa_Z said:


> How do you cope? I feel like I'm gonna die,


Not very well. I am pretty non functional at the moment (have been for a long time now), but I feel like the difference between you and me is that DP/DR has made me completely become a lifeless, mindless droned out zombie, whereas you are still feeling intensified emotions and wanting to beat this disorder. I feel like I have died.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

I'm having lunch with one of my best friends today and I have not seen her in like 10 months







scared shitless but I want to see her and told her we would hang out, can you give me any advice? I told her not to mind me if I seem a bit spacey : / or in my case very spacey ...


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Melissa_Z said:


> I'm having lunch with one of my best friends today and I have not seen her in like 10 months
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Just keep in mind that this is one of your best friends...she KNOWS you, and is not a stranger. Plus, you have already told her that you may seem spacey so she knows what's going on with you and is less likely to pass judgement or become confused. If you start to panic or become anxious...just take a few minutes to yourself and take, loooonngggg, deeeeppp breaths, close your eyes for a few minutes, and slowly bring yourself back to the present moment. I know you can do it!


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Melissa_Z said:


> I understand what you're saying and I appreciate it but I feel so LOST and DISCONNECTED its terrifying, yes I still manage to get myself out of bed and try to be normal but that is getting harder each day, my symptoms are progressively getting worse. I feel so far away from everything. As I was getting dressed today, I saw my clothes in front of me but they felt like they were not really there or they were 10000 miles away, terrifying. I'm so,detached from everything, nothing makes sense to my mind. Obviously I know what I'm looking at but it doesn't makes sense to my mind. What do you do when you're so sick like this and nothing gets better? What do you do? I have never felt this bad.


See how you responded to this is key you said "I understand BUT" and then gave yourself 100 excuses why you cannot get better. It's that mindset that has to change if you want to get better. I'm going to be honest with you, you are making your symptoms as bad as they are. You alone are creating your own hell and you alone can get out of it. You just need to do what I already told you to do. You need to accept that you feel awful and move on. Stop obsessively freaking out about how you feel. Give yourself a very harsh talking to. Say "Melissa, this is not going to continue. I realize that I have the power to decide how bad I am going to feel and I refuse to sit around terrified freaking out because that is only making me worse. From now on I'm just going to accept that I feel bad and go on living anyways because its the only way I am going to get better" and then do it! Sandy is completely right, that you need yo stop fighting it and just accept it. We all have to get to that point and, honestly, you've tortured yourself enough. Its been like 2 years that you've kept yourself in this terrified obsessed state, fighting Dp and its time to stop. You have to face facts, being scared of your Dp, fighting your Dp, sitting around going "OH MY GOSH MY STUFF FEELS A MILLION MILES AWAY!!!" is not productive. It accomplishes nothing but making you worse. So its time to move on. Accept that you feel like crap. Make up your mind to not torture yourself anymore. Make up your mind that you have the power to feel better or worse and do what you need to get better. Stop giving yourself excuses to stay sick. Tell yourself to shut up everytime you start to think about Dp. I had to. I had to mentally yell at myself every time I had an obsessive thought. I would literally say "shut the f*ck up Sarah. No one cares how you feel" and then I would force myself to focus outwardly on something else. At first I had to do this every few seconds, then minutes, hours, and now I honestly think about Dp like twice a month. I only have mild derealization and no Dp. I am calm and happy and it's all because 8 months ago I decided to get better. You need to decide to get better too. If you don't, you will go on feeling like this forever.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Skier said:


> Hey ValleyGirl83, thanks for taking the time to write that, it really summed what ive been thinking about lately! I actually just picked up the book you mentioned, knowing that it worked for someone else is really encouraging
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I honestly didn't even need to read the cbt part. I decided to take time focusing on the ACT stuff and that was all I need to get better. But yes, I think all of it is incredibly helpful. Its kind of tough love but its exactly what we need to hear. I seriously felt just like Melissa here does only a few months ago and now I've recovered so much that all of that hardship has retreated into a black cloud in the back of my mind. I don't even remember what it felt like to feel that bad unless I read someone else describe it. I feel almost normal. I've had several instances in the past two months where reality has come back either partially or fully and I realized it never left in the first place. Its all around us and we just have to stop torturing our minds and let them heal so that we can let reality back in.


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## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

Hi melissa im new here but i just want to tell you that i feel the same way so you're not alone. Im a senior in high school, had everything going for me, got into some pretty prestigious schools and then this shit happened. I smoked some weed, had a huge panic attack which involved calling the cops on myself (to my parents dismay), and became scared of everything. After a week i woke up and it was completely gone. Every moment was ecstasy and I learned my lesson with drugs. Sadly the feelings of depersonalization came on again and have been up and down ever since. Recently i have been bed ridden and contemplating suicide because whats the point of living in constant torture. My parents are beginning to give up on me - i dont blame them what else is there to do? I have gotten better by just going to school despite feeling like the worlds ending but the improvements rarely last. I was just a normal high school kid from connecticut. What i miss most is just the feeling of comfort lying in bed warm with the covers. Really i relate 100% to you and i hope that makes u feel a tiny bit better. Recently i have been thinking about people who go blind....perhaps they have it worse? Also research Adam Duritz (lead singer of counting crows) because he has the disorder and has recovered to a certain extent. My heart goes out to you and im sorry for your endless pain.


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## My storm ran out of rain (Feb 6, 2012)

BabyBak said:


> Hi melissa im new here but i just want to tell you that i feel the same way so you're not alone. Im a senior in high school, had everything going for me, got into some pretty prestigious schools and then this shit happened. I smoked some weed, had a huge panic attack which involved calling the cops on myself (to my parents dismay), and became scared of everything. After a week i woke up and it was completely gone. Every moment was ecstasy and I learned my lesson with drugs. Sadly the feelings of depersonalization came on again and have been up and down ever since. Recently i have been bed ridden and contemplating suicide because whats the point of living in constant torture. My parents are beginning to give up on me - i dont blame them what else is there to do? I have gotten better by just going to school despite feeling like the worlds ending but the improvements rarely last. I was just a normal high school kid from connecticut. What i miss most is just the feeling of comfort lying in bed warm with the covers. Really i relate 100% to you and i hope that makes u feel a tiny bit better. Recently i have been thinking about people who go blind....perhaps they have it worse? Also research Adam Duritz (lead singer of counting crows) because he has the disorder and has recovered to a certain extent. My heart goes out to you and im sorry for your endless pain.


I know everyone on here is suffering, but suicide or even suicidal thoughts cannot be an option for us. I know at times it seems like we are a burden to everyone, especially those close to us, but in those moments you have to think of people that count on you. For example, kids, your boss, your parents, the tons of money you have invested in a career that was going great until this happened might I add, and the list goes on, even if they only count on you for something very small. You have to realize that you are a part of this world even if you are seeing it differently than other people. Being sad and having those thoughts is only making this way worse on yourself and I know, I Know, that the thoughts are impossible to stop, because they hit me everyday. But you have to just shrug them off the best you can, and realize that you can still function and perform duties even though you are going to feel weird as shit and possibly sick while doing them, your brain is more than capable of handling it. You absolutely have to force yourself to go out and do something that you know you enjoy, even if you don't enjoy it at the present moment. Everyday I have to go to work, no question about it, no matter how bad I feel, I have to go. If I don't, I don't grow crops which wont produce an income, which will crush my family. Not gonna happen. Even though farming seems weird as shit to me right now, I know that I can do it because I force myself to go. I drive a semi up and down the interstate lately hauling grain back and forth to the elevator, unloading grain bins, etc.. It seems impossible when thinking about it, but when I start doing it, it's like my brain takes over and everything works out. I'm not sure if any of you ever liked to do shrooms or acid, but I did way back in high school. Weird as it may sound, when things get really tough and scary, I just laugh about it like it's just an acid trip that has lasted too long, I do anything to not let it depress me, that will only make it worse. I also talk about it with some of the people I farm with. Luckily they're all a bunch of goofs and make fun of me, but at least it makes me smile, even though they know it's a serious problem and would always be there if I needed to talk seriously about it. Long story short.......... No riding of the beds! Force yourself to do things you know you can do and used to enjoy! Let your brain show you that is still capable of handling difficult tasks! Make sure that you stay in contact with close friends. Even if you don't tell them the problem, conversing with them will bring back positive memories and make you smile. As hard as it may be try to have fun with this as often as you can, laugh in it's face if you will!!! I still have DP but these things have made it tolerable and I keep a positive attitude that I will recover. Oh, and one more thing..........EXERCISE, EXERCISE, EXERCISE!!! The bodies best natural anti-depressant, just a few minutes a day can make a huge difference. Sorry to bore you all with this, but hopefully it will help somebody. I hope even that someone can add even more suggestions


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## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

Melissa_Z said:


> Crying in agony and so much pain, I can't take it anymore. Fuck, it gets better? FUCK THAT. *I'm dying.*


Die already then, you are getting on my nerves now, i put a 30 minute typing post into you and you replied that i was just 'Sugar-Coating' everything, while i was saying the harsh truth.

I have sympathy and 'empathy' towards you Melissa_Z but whining and ignoring good advice isn't going to get you anywhere.

Guess its just a "Jersey Thangg"


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## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

Yes, ME TOO LIVE WITH THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY, SO DO COUNTLESS OTHER PEOPLE, I FEEL FUCKING SORRY FOR YOUR DEPRESSED-STATE, BUT YOU CANT SOLVE IT BY JUST COMPLAINING HERE.

Excuse my language.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

I am sick and tired of people saying I'm complainimg and whining. I AM DESPERATE. What the hell do you expect me to do? Sit here and smile as I watch my mind slip away even more day by day. And I'm not even from new jersey, I'm south African. I don't like to rant but I am scared for my life. I have EVERY right to be.


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## My storm ran out of rain (Feb 6, 2012)

Melissa_Z said:


> I am sick and tired of people saying I'm complainimg and whining. I AM DESPERATE. What the hell do you expect me to do? Sit here and smile as I watch my mind slip away even more day by day. And I'm not even from new jersey, I'm south African. I don't like to rant but I am scared for my life. I have EVERY right to be.


You're right you do have every right to be scared for your life. It's scary shit, but you also have the right to take on a positive outlook as hard as it might be. Nobodys saying you need to just sit there and smile about it, but if you're going to frown about it then at least exeercise while you're frowning. I run a mile eveery day and feel 90% better right after it for a while. Gives me enough energy to get my day started, then once I'm started I don't quit until I'm ready to face the DP, cuz it will always come back as soon as you stop to think about it. You can beat this, as we all can with the right attitude


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## cbeck (Feb 8, 2008)

ValleyGirl83 said:


> I know you're probably sick of hearing this but get off the computer and go outside. Sit at a park or at a coffee shop and just people watch. You're screwing yourself by holing up in your house thinking about your symptoms. I was exactly like you. I was just as bad as you. People on here used to tell me that I seemed to have a worse case than most people and now I am 99% recovered. I have my own home, income, am a single parent and am doing fine and it's all because I realized about 8 months ago that I had the power in my own mind to live in hell or get better. It really is as simple as that. Back around May of 2011 I was bed ridden with symptoms. I had laid in bed for the previous 4 months. I wasn't functioning and then I read some Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Techniques in the book Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder by Fugen Neziroglu. It seriously changed my entire life. I took a good hard look at my life and realized that I had created my own hell. I looked at my situation, my dp, my level of functioning and decided that I was broken. I was screwed. I was an invalid who was incapable of taking care of herself and incapable of functioning. And I realized that my situation was only going to be as bad as I decided it to be. If I decided to sit in my room and cry over being broken, reminding myself of how I can never take care of myself, how sick I am, etc then I truly would be that way. But I decided to take a different path. I knew the only road to recovery was to go and live my life the best I could and so I did. I told my room mate to forcibly drag me from my bed and from my house if he saw me trying to isolate, which was my coping mechanism for dp. I decided that I wasn't going to think about my dp anymore. I just had to accept that part of the normal human existence is suffering and that the majority of dp is suffering. I just had to accept that it was how I was going to feel and it didn't matter because it was all a lie my brain was telling me anyway. I committed to getting out of bed every day, going out of doing stuff, being in public and I realized that I felt 100 times better when I was out of the house interacting with the real world. Yeah, you feel like crap at first. You feel numb and completely disconnected and like you're on some hellish acid trip. DO IT ANYWAYS. Give dp the finger and concentrate of life around you. Watch how people interact with each other. Listen to the birds in the trees, look at the world around you. Sit in the midst of life and live it. Refuse to allow yourself to go hide in your room and in your house. Decide that you will get better and do what you need to do to get better. The only person who can help you is yourself. Decide that your aren't going to let dp control you anymore. Realize your symptoms and the impact the disorder has on your life are entirely up to you. Change your mindset and bully yourself into living. Tell yourself to shut the f up when you start obsessing about how you feel. Refocus on something else. Slowly but surely you will feel better and better until you don't ever think about it. I don't and a few times now reality has some back to me. I am confident that I am in the final stages of recovery and I know that it's because I decided to be. Nothing else would have helped me.
> 
> Oh and buy the book I mentioned. Have your parents read it and read it yourself or all of you read it together. Ask them to help you do what you need to do to get healthy again.


Ordered that book..14 years of this hell..many years I never even thought about it..Just came on really strong again and cant get it off my mind. Was on this forum in 1999. Always gets better.


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## Tilly223 (Nov 27, 2011)

How much sleep are you getting Melissa if you don't mind me asking?


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## Guest (Feb 20, 2012)

Melissa_Z said:


> l
> I am sick and tired of people saying I'm complainimg and whining. I AM DESPERATE. What the hell do you expect me to do? Sit here and smile as I watch my mind slip away even more day by day. And I'm not even from new jersey, I'm south African. I don't like to rant but I am scared for my life. I have EVERY right to be.


Melissa,

I really hope you ignored those nasty unsupportive remarks. That is the last thing you need to hear when you are scared and in a state of desperation. Don't be scared, I can assure you you are not losing your mind. You just have a severe case of DP and your are feeling worse because every time you feel like its worse, you panic your anxiety gets worse and you are driving yourself deeper into DP. It becomes a vicious cycle. You have been given some good advice here. These folks recognize if you don't try and distract yourself to stop the cycle your going to keep getting worse. You have got to break the cycle as awful and as gone as you feel. I went through a horribly severe case like you and the terror and anxiety I felt from being so disconnected was making me worse by the day. I had to go on anxiety meds not to cure the DP but to get the anxiety under control to stop the worsening of it. I know it feels impossible because you want relief now, but you have to make the effort to get the anxiety under control first so you don't keep getting worse. Please find some way to stay as calm as you can. I know you feel like you are losing you mind or you don't have access to it, but I promise it hasn't gone anywhere it's just because your anxiety and DP is so severe right now. If you can please rest assured you are not dying and your mind has not vanished and just try to calm yourself to let your mind heal.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

LadyinWaiting said:


> Melissa,
> 
> I really hope you ignored those nasty unsupportive remarks. That is the last thing you need to hear when you are scared and in a state of desperation. Don't be scared, I can assure you you are not losing your mind. You just have a severe case of DP and your are feeling worse because every time you feel like its worse, you panic your anxiety gets worse and you are driving yourself deeper into DP. It becomes a vicious cycle. You have been given some good advice here. These folks recognize if you don't try and distract yourself to stop the cycle your going to keep getting worse. You have got to break the cycle as awful and as gone as you feel. I went through a horribly severe case like you and the terror and anxiety I felt from being so disconnected was making me worse by the day. I had to go on anxiety meds not to cure the DP but to get the anxiety under control to stop the worsening of it. I know it feels impossible because you want relief now, but you have to make the effort to get the anxiety under control first so you don't keep getting worse. Please find some way to stay as calm as you can. I know you feel like you are losing you mind or you don't have access to it, but I promise it hasn't gone anywhere it's just because your anxiety and DP is so severe right now. If you can please rest assured you are not dying and your mind has not vanished and just try to calm yourself to let your mind heal.


Thank you


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

Melissa_Z said:


> I understand what you're saying and I appreciate it but I feel so LOST and DISCONNECTED its terrifying, yes I still manage to get myself out of bed and try to be normal but that is getting harder each day, my symptoms are progressively getting worse. I feel so far away from everything. As I was getting dressed today, I saw my clothes in front of me but they felt like they were not really there or they were 10000 miles away, terrifying. I'm so,detached from everything, nothing makes sense to my mind. Obviously I know what I'm looking at but it doesn't makes sense to my mind. What do you do when you're so sick like this and nothing gets better? What do you do? I have never felt this bad.


You aren't alone. When I read recovery stories of the type that are being mentioned hear I get angry. Why can't I just be as sick as I want? BS! I have done, and do, everything in my power, that is told to me. I don't sit around obsessing and yet I am getting worse too. My life is extremely hard because I get out of bed, because I am out there trying! Fuck everyone who thinks I am wallowing in this! I give up at times, probably each day, BECAUSE MY LIFE IS SO VERY PAINFUL! Then sure, I'm aware when I am thinking about how fucked I am! I am so sorry that you are in pain. Me too. I'm scared every day, and I don't sit around thinking about it cause I can't. I will die. I have to get out there in the snow, turn on the music. I CAN'T get out of the dream world I'm stuck in. The best I can do is to try to make it a good dream, and quit beating myself when I miss things because I'm stuck in this dream. It's a lonely fucking hell hole and I don't control it. I wish I did. I have dp 24/7, that means I don't even get a brake when I wake up in the middle of the night. If it was just anxiety I could get myself out of it. I use many tools to get past anxiety attacks that come over me because I am so spaced out. I'm just not here and I can't seem to be here, no matter what. So I do. I do, I get tired, and another day ends. What a way to spend a life. And when I do, it is just what I can handle in my dream cause I am too fucked up to do anything really productive. My main feelings these days are depression, anxiety, and hate. I know I'm a lover and that is why. You don't walk alone. I cry for us. There has got to be some good reason. We are good people. The best.


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

daydreambeliever said:


> You aren't alone. When I read recovery stories of the type that are being mentioned hear I get angry. Why can't I just be as sick as I want? BS! I have done, and do, everything in my power, that is told to me. I don't sit around obsessing and yet I am getting worse too. My life is extremely hard because I get out of bed, because I am out there trying! Fuck everyone who thinks I am wallowing in this! I give up at times, probably each day, BECAUSE MY LIFE IS SO VERY PAINFUL! Then sure, I'm aware when I am thinking about how fucked I am! I am so sorry that you are in pain. Me too. I'm scared every day, and I don't sit around thinking about it cause I can't. I will die. I have to get out there in the snow, turn on the music. I CAN'T get out of the dream world I'm stuck in. The best I can do is to try to make it a good dream, and quit beating myself when I miss things because I'm stuck in this dream. It's a lonely fucking hell hole and I don't control it. I wish I did. I have dp 24/7, that means I don't even get a brake when I wake up in the middle of the night. If it was just anxiety I could get myself out of it. I use many tools to get past anxiety attacks that come over me because I am so spaced out. I'm just not here and I can't seem to be here, no matter what. So I do. I do, I get tired, and another day ends. What a way to spend a life. And when I do, it is just what I can handle in my dream cause I am too fucked up to do anything really productive. My main feelings these days are depression, anxiety, and hate. I know I'm a lover and that is why. You don't walk alone. I cry for us. There has got to be some good reason. We are good people. The best.


Just want to add that I love myself. I fucking rock. I am a fucking great woman who has thought of many things, not valued at all in this fucked up society. This could be where the problem begins. Thinking is under rated. No one is here to support the journey. And I didn't volunteer either! We are pioneers. Evolving hurts. I want to stick around for curiousity sake alone. But I won't live to see the outcome. I'm getting too old and too worn out.


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## Relaxation (Aug 23, 2010)

TheStarter said:


> Die already then, you are getting on my nerves now, i put a 30 minute typing post into you and you replied that i was just 'Sugar-Coating' everything, while i was saying the harsh truth.
> 
> I have sympathy and 'empathy' towards you Melissa_Z but whining and ignoring good advice isn't going to get you anywhere.


so your telling her to die because you wrote a 30minute messaged that she didnt listen too!! thats a pretty shit thing to say, the fact that shes on here looking for help is a good thing! dont read her posts if it annoys you and let someone comment that can actually help.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Relaxation said:


> so your telling her to die because you wrote a 30minute messaged that she didnt listen too!! thats a pretty shit thing to say, the fact that shes on here looking for help is a good thing! dont read her posts if it annoys you and let someone comment that can actually help.


Thank you


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## TheAnswerIsYou (Feb 22, 2012)

It has to get worse before it gets better, it sucks but its true. We can all beat this! Just push yourself no matter how hard, YOUU CAN/WILL do it!


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