# I think I cured my DP



## MichaelH77 (May 2, 2012)

I just created an account to tell you my short story and everything that's happened to me in the past year.
I was graduating high school and my mom and dad both work so I was alone at home and I was MASSIVELY nervous and panicy
about going to college and being on my own and alone.
I (for whatever reason), didn't go to college, (probably due to being too afraid) and wound up trapped in my own mind.
For the past year, I was in a prison, trying to get out. Life felt like a hell. The world seemed strange and nothing made sense. For the past year I couldn't even search for a job online or anything. I was in too much of a state of mental panic and felt completely helpless and disabled and felt I wouldnt even be able to hold up a job.
I was angry at myself for not going to college in the first place and started thinking about my DP.

I realize that my DP was purely psychological. It was a hell I created myself because I was angry at myself for letting fear take over and win.
I didn't like the idea of being at home alone all the time, nor did I like the idea of getting a job at mcdonalds and then coming home. I wanted to go to college and made up my mind I will.

I noticed my dp slowly going away. What's common about my DP is the same for most DP sufferers.

Fear / Panic / And Anxiety
Fear of Going Crazy and Losing Control
Feeling of Being emotionally numb
Tightness in my head and forehead (due to muscles contracting from anxiety,due to the fear of losing control)

etc....

So my DP was a huge psychological thing mentally because I got stuck.
I let fear take over, but I'm about 80% better now.

just wanted to share my story


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

any existential thoughts?


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## MichaelH77 (May 2, 2012)

katiej said:


> any existential thoughts?


yah tons of them


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

but to the point where i dont even know why ANYTHING exists!!! how am i even here! (i know logically) but im not even spaced out anymore. all my emotions are bak.. im just terrified to be alive because i feel like it all makes no sense to be here.. and my conciousness and my body freaks me out.... i dunno if its jsut me but i cant stop crying because i feel trapped into living.,


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

yes u are correct... i just dont know how to do that.. i am dealing in therapy.. but to me it seems these thoughts are wat is scaring me... if u understand ? but my therapist thinks that its thoughts that distract me from wats really wrong..


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

so u think if i release all my real emotions and get down to the real issues.... life will feel the way it used to ? obviosuly i will have questions... but these crazy ones... like why do i even have a brain or am concious.... are stuff that i cannot stop ruminating about!... and i never cared about that before...


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## MichaelH77 (May 2, 2012)

Ever since I was thinking about going to college, I felt panic. I always panic for some reason more than other people. 
I can't stand panicing and get angry when I do.
I feel like it's not fair that I have a massive anxiety disorder and I feel like everyone else in life doesn't feel
panic at all when going off to college. (Or at least most teens don't)

I think alot of my DP was/is due to suppressed anxiety and emotional issues.
Also the whole point of going to college should be to learn and do well and deep down I always want to impress people
which isn't necessarily a bad thing but I shouldn't want to go to college just to impress people.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

do u think its possible for my perception to ever be normal... like to not be terrifed of being alive again.. i never cared before..


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

what to do whilst i go throught this frightening process of releasing feelings..


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## Samaral (Mar 26, 2012)

KatieJ I have and am experiencing all things you are talking about (as you know)

For me, I had to have a long duration where I panicked over them non stop. Now I hardly cry, I just feel apathetic
And dead inside. Its not a happy place trying to feel alive and present and ignore such the basic existential
Question of life that somehow most people ignore or do not lose their mind over.

Everyday is a battle. Hoping something will happen, I will wake up or one thought will take place amd rescue me.
I am trying to go on with my life but feel grratly depressed and confused.

We will get throughthis together. We will make it.


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