# Feelings of depersonalization after "bad trip" with weed



## madeleinefrances (May 18, 2015)

I decided to join this forum after reading many people's posts on here and many of them were very similar to what I'm experiencing. This is my first post and I just want to know what other people have to say about what I've been through...if it's normal, if I need any psychiatric help...

So, this is a very long story but I'll try to make it as short as possible. A few weeks ago, one of my old friends who smokes weed all the time asked if I wanted to 'hit bowls' with her. Since my past experiences with weed have been mostly positive, I decided that it would be a good idea. Even though, I don't trust this friend very much after she did many things to me in the past that were sort of manipulative, like taking advantage of me with my money. I never confronted her about any of her past behaviours and actions because I'm really passive. So we went to a local train park (which was a pretty sketchy place I must admit) with a few of her friends. She brought a water bottle bong that she made herself and I took one hit, and later on she pressured me to take 2 or 3 more. Which was a lot for my second or third time smoking. The weed was super potent too. As I was sitting there feeling myself getting high, I started saying stuff like "can I get unhigh" "i don't want this anymore"...etc. And then I blacked out for a few seconds and I remember everyone was staring at me and I started feeling like everything was a dream, or a video game and I had absolutely no control of my actions whatsoever. I remember saying things that I couldn't control. I got up and told my friends "I don;t feel well, I need to go home" because that's what my brain was telling me to say almost. My friends were pretty high so they were all laughing which made me even more paranoid, i was confused why they would be laughing in such a horrible situation. My heart felt like it was coming out of my chest, my limbs were super tingly, i felt more anxious than ever before, I had an intense fear of losing control (i tried really hard to be in control when I couldn't), however at the same time i became super concenred with what people thought of me. I started walking EXTREMELY fast in the direction of my house, and I wanted to wait for my friends to catch up with me but I couldn't, it felt like my legs were walking for me. I remember seriously believing that I was going to die, and I started letting go of reality. I finally got myself to stop to wait for my friends, everything seemed so unreal and dream-like. I tried to cry many times because I couldn't cope with what was going on in my head. It was the worst feeling I have ever experienced, it's so hard to explain just how scary it was. We got home and I started doing a bunch of weird actions that I couldn't control and I laid in bed for the rest of the night shaking uncontrollably, unable to breathe, believing that i had lost my mind and that my friends were trying to harm me by saying things like "you should go outisde", it was so hard for me to communicate or connect to anyone.

Anyway, ever since I sometimes have these thoughts that surface again. Like the anxious, paranoid, panicky, derealized thoughts. The fear of losing control, like everything is a dream and that my loved ones are trying to harm me. Everytime I think about waht happened that night, I start to experience those feelings. For example, last night me and my family were eating dinner at a nice restaurant for my dad's birthday. Then I remember talking about a restaurant, and I turned around and that restuarant was across the street. And I started to panic because for some reason I didn't think that restaurant was located there, and it was strange that as soon as I was talking about that restaurant, it was conveniently placed across the street. I started to panic and disconnect. Like my brain was convincing me that I was in a dream. I couldn't connect with what my family was telling me anymore, I tried to connect and become more in touch but it was so hard, everytime I stopped thinking about it for a second, my brain would remind me of that feeling and then I would become anxious and panicky again.

My question is: Is this normal? Ever since that experience with weed, has it made me develop a disorder? How do I cope with these devestating thoughts? why do you think this happened?


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## RafinhaBrasil (Jun 22, 2014)

You heard voices, had some hallucination? or was it just the horrible feelings?
You really believed that their loved ones did harm to you? or was it just random thoughts?


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