# I need advice from somone, please.



## havehope1234 (Jan 9, 2011)

Hi everyone. This past new years marked my 6 years with my boyfriend. I love him so much and we plan to be together forever. We have been through so much together which is why I thought we could overcome anything. Lately it's been getting really hard. Since I've know him he has been suffering from DP. Its seems like he's tried everything there is, such as every type of medication, all kinds of doctors, books, meditation, yoga...ect. He goes up and down sometimes it seems like he's better then we're so happy together, then all of a sudden back to normal. For years I've been trying so hard to help, its always seems like I say the wrong thing, do the wrong things, and I feel that most of the time since we've been together I cant ever be upset or down, not because I'm not allowed to but because if I'm upset it makes him worse and puts negative energy towards him, Doing this for 6 years is really putting a toll on my emotions and feelings. I love him more than anything in the world but I can't help him and its getting so hard to stay positive. Is there anything I can do at all to help? How do say the right things? what can I do or say that will help him? Please give me some helpful advice I dont know where else to turn.

Thank you.


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## Guest013 (Apr 26, 2010)

I think you just need to understand that you can't possibly understand what he is going through. I know you want to relate to his experience, but you can't. Additionally, he can try to get help, but you aren't going to be able to make him better. It's a tough situation to be in for you and him. He can eventually recover, but I think you need to realize you can't "fix" him.


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## birdiehead (Apr 19, 2010)

i suffer from dpd and i'm actually going through the same thing with my girlfriend. i feel so guilty a lot of the time because i feel like i can't love her the way she deserves but deep down i know i love her. i've been having a lot of breakthroughs lately and even though it positive it's scary. you just need to reassure you accept him the way he is. one thing that really frustrating is when people without dp say they know how you feel. if you don't have dp you'll know how it feels. what i've realized is that healing comes from the one suffering. meds can take away some of the pain but the real healing comes from within. it takes time and a lot of faith. your boyfriend is a fighter, it's really hard!!!!!


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

havehope1234 said:


> Hi everyone. This past new years marked my 6 years with my boyfriend. I love him so much and we plan to be together forever. We have been through so much together which is why I thought we could overcome anything. Lately it's been getting really hard. Since I've know him he has been suffering from DP. Its seems like he's tried everything there is, such as every type of medication, all kinds of doctors, books, meditation, yoga...ect. He goes up and down sometimes it seems like he's better then we're so happy together, then all of a sudden back to normal. For years I've been trying so hard to help, its always seems like I say the wrong thing, do the wrong things, and I feel that most of the time since we've been together I cant ever be upset or down, not because I'm not allowed to but because if I'm upset it makes him worse and puts negative energy towards him, Doing this for 6 years is really putting a toll on my emotions and feelings. I love him more than anything in the world but I can't help him and its getting so hard to stay positive. Is there anything I can do at all to help? How do say the right things? what can I do or say that will help him? Please give me some helpful advice I dont know where else to turn.
> 
> Thank you.


DP is hard on relationships. As I am slowly recovering I become more aware of the stress I've caused, prior I was somewhat oblivious. This is painful of course.

It is important to work life as a team. But you can't be your mate's psychiatrist. Good communications and open affection are important to all marriages. With DP there is added pain and disappointment for both - probably more for the non-DPer, more frustration for the DPer.

Remember why you fell in love and continue. Also find a way to communicate your needs as well. Often when someone is sick we focus on their needs to the exclusion of our own. Sometimes the sufferer, all too aware of his faults, feels he is not useful and perhaps not needed. And our trying not to have any demands actually can further this.

Hope these few thoughts are helpful. Also, I commend you for your loyalty and love! Such things are beautiful.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

birdiehead said:


> i suffer from dpd and i'm actually going through the same thing with my girlfriend. i feel so guilty a lot of the time because i feel like i can't love her the way she deserves but deep down i know i love her. i've been having a lot of breakthroughs lately and even though it positive it's scary. you just need to reassure you accept him the way he is. one thing that really frustrating is when people without dp say they know how you feel. if you don't have dp you'll know how it feels. what i've realized is that healing comes from the one suffering. meds can take away some of the pain but the real healing comes from within. it takes time and a lot of faith. your boyfriend is a fighter, it's really hard!!!!!


*i've been having a lot of breakthroughs lately and even though it positive it's scary*

It is the same with me. Glad you are progressing. It tends to get less frightening as you go along.

*what i've realized is that healing comes from the one suffering*

While partners and friends can help, the work is up to us. At least this is so in my case


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## havehope1234 (Jan 9, 2011)

Visual Dude said:


> DP is hard on relationships. As I am slowly recovering I become more aware of the stress I've caused, prior I was somewhat oblivious. This is painful of course.
> 
> It is important to work life as a team. But you can't be your mate's psychiatrist. Good communications and open affection are important to all marriages. With DP there is added pain and disappointment for both - probably more for the non-DPer, more frustration for the DPer.
> 
> ...


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## havehope1234 (Jan 9, 2011)

Thank you so much, your feedback helps more than you know, considering this is the biggest thing in my life right now and has been for the past 6 years. I will take into consideration everything that you've said, hopfully I can help more than I seem to have been. Thank you again!


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## bobmorton (Jan 7, 2011)

I know you can do it. 6 years is just a proof that you can overcome it with your boyfriend. Your love and care is enough to help him.


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