# OCD as a subconcious nemesis



## snowcat3030 (Sep 30, 2010)

G'day,

Lately I have been going through a hard time, not from my DP/DR but OCD. I think I have almost beaten the DP again for now (knock on wood), but the OCD has been hammering me and affecting my life in a not so positive manner. When ever I try to initiate a positive action for myself and/or loved ones the OCD kicks in hard to sabotage it. My OCD constantly feed subtle but negative thoughts into my conciousness slowly wearing me down and making me just want to cry. Some of the only refuge I have from it is when I give in and do the wrong thing (in my case eating too much, sitting in front of the TV and not exercising, not doing housework, avoiding a positive activity etc), doing those things seem to give me some relief; (one exception is that when I am hard at work I get some relief) it's a shame that these things can slowly destroy a person.

The professionals say that OCD and similar brain disorders are caused by a 'chemical imbalance'. This is of course a better way of looking at it than seeing it as demon possession, divine punishment or karma. But do you sometimes wonder if there is something more to it? It sometimes feels like there is something attempting to effect me negatively like a sort of bully, almost like a subconcious nemesis - of course I don't *REALLY* believe this but sometimes I wonder; as it is amazing that a chemical imbalance can cause such personally directed negativity.

What do other OCD sufferers think?


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## curlyradar (Nov 6, 2010)

snowcat3030 said:


> G'day,
> 
> Lately I have been going through a hard time, not from my DP/DR but OCD. I think I have almost beaten the DP again for now (knock on wood), but the OCD has been hammering me and affecting my life in a not so positive manner. When ever I try to initiate a positive action for myself and/or loved ones the OCD kicks in hard to sabotage it. My OCD constantly feed subtle but negative thoughts into my conciousness slowly wearing me down and making me just want to cry. Some of the only refuge I have from it is when I give in and do the wrong thing (in my case eating too much, sitting in front of the TV and not exercising, not doing housework, avoiding a positive activity etc), doing those things seem to give me some relief; (one exception is that when I am hard at work I get some relief) it's a shame that these things can slowly destroy a person.
> 
> ...


no i know what you mean. when all this stuff started happening with me and they said that it was due to chemical imbalances they seemed to think that would give me comfort. but if that's what it is, then it's not under my control. and as anyone with ocd knows, not being in control is a very big issue. this just caused me even more anxiety. and then when they put me on zoloft they have to include that warning about suicidal thoughts and tendencies in there. they make it seem like i don't have control over those thoughts or actions. i mean, i don't want to harm myself or anyone else and i've never done anything that would suggest it, but it feels like someone else puts those thoughts into my head. i never thought about suicide before, and i don't plan on taking action on those thoughts, but it's all around. you do any sort of research and you'll find all kinds of statistics about suicide: the age group most often involved, the disorders, the increase in chance if you have more than one disorder. it feels like it's all stacked against me. like i was fighting a losing battle when i started this. i don't know. i think i'm just ranting at this point. it's so hard to explain what goes on in your head you know?


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## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

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