# Frustration with DP symptoms triggering RAGE



## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

One of the more toxic aspects of my being is that I have a lot of rage contained in my unconscious. And it gets triggered, often. When it does, I turn it inward, raging at myself for creating my all these problems. That's the thing, because I understand it's all me, I can't help but get angry with myself. Of course this leads to self destructive behaviours. Earlier I punched my fist into the wall.

The hardest thing about DP is when I go into public, my vision goes all foggy, my body goes all tense, I feel anxious, I start to relentlessly self-criticize. This all goes round and round in circles where eventually I feel like I'm going to explode. All of this going on, with me seeming relatively normal on the outside. The numbness keeps a cap on me going crazy for sure.

I don't know how much longer I can contain this rage any more though. After giving up alcohol there is no vent for any of it. How else will I destroy myself?


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

After speaking to my friend for a bit, I realise I might be taking too much responsibility for my current mental state.

I think it might be something that is keeping me stuck.


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## resinoptes (Jan 15, 2011)

never_giving_up said:


> After speaking to my friend for a bit, I realise I might be taking too much responsibility for my current mental state.
> 
> I think it might be something that is keeping me stuck.


I get stuck when i do that, cos it becomes a guilt thing, hence self directed rage.

Happened for years with me, before i got DP.

I'm trying to work on establishing a second level self that integrates the parts of me that fight and cause internal civil war, which i think contributes a lot to my DP when it reaches deadlock.


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## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

RAGE


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I totally relate to this. I have had serious irrational rage episodes ever since getting dp. I think it's because our brains won't let us internalize. I think there is like this brick wall there and we are forced to deal with these issues. There's no more burrying it.


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## kaitlyn_b (Jun 9, 2010)

Its very frustrating. I can remember being in the car and constantly imagining busting the window out. I also considered cutting to see if it may relieve the anger but I never did because I was definitely suicidal and terrified of weapons and what I may have done with them.


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