# Im so scared that Im going into psychosis



## supersour (Oct 30, 2013)

Im sorry to talk about this again, but im terrified. I have been scared of psychosis in the past too but in the last couple weeks things have really worsened and I could do some support and knowledge.

So I was out with my friends this other week at a nightclub. Everything went well (well, there were a group of people I knew and they started to whisper and then looked at me and I felt like they were talking about me) until the next morning. I went to the toilet and suddenly i didnt recognize my surroundings, the toilet looked weird and it seemed like the walls came very near and the room was really small. After that I felt really strange for days.

Then my memory started to get really bad, for example I cleaned my cats toilet, and might go and do that again after few minutes, when speaking my mind would suddenly go blank in the middle of the sentence and I couldnt remember what I was talking about, I left/forgot my personal belongings to my apartmens cellar where the tendants go to sauna etc etc I cant even remember what I was thinking few seconds ago.

I have speech issues, I say wrong words, forget what I was talking about, I have to use alot of time to correct what I write cos there has started to be alot of mistakes etc.

I have had visual and auditorial distortions for a long time but they have been worsening too. My eyesight seems somehow different.

It feels like im not in this world at all. I cant feel my surroundings. I see them, but something is wrong, it almost feels like Im floating in the air all the time and nothing is real. I cant do anything, tidy up, wash dishes etc because Its just too much, I cant comprehend what should I do. All I know is to sit in my sofa.

I have strange coincidenses happening even more than usual, multiple times in a day.. Today there has been multiple tv shows which are not connected and in all of them they were talking about mayflowers. I saw a dream in which my brother and his wife got married, and in the next day they sent me a text message even tho we havent talked in years.

I have "heard" my own thoughts for a while, that is a sign of schizo isnt it?

When I go to sleep my mind starts racing and I cant stop it, Im in this wake dream mode. When I wake up the same thing, Im not sleeping anymore but just have intense "daydreaming" and in those I usually talk absolutely nonsense, the conversations mean something, the words have a purpose but its just gibberish, neologisms..

Im also suspicious, I think people do bad things to me on purpose, talk shit about me...

Its getting really hard now, I have started to have self destructive thoughts alot, because Im so scared what will happen to me.

I dont know what this is, because its getting worse all the time, and my psychiatrist dont know either. She just says that its normal to feel worse from time to time but this isnt temporary, its progressing all the time.

I hope I have ms, brain tumor or something, tho in my heart I know it is schizo. Theres no hope anymore.


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## mvw (Dec 13, 2013)

Instead of focusing on why you might have some kind of mental illness, make a list of points why you are not having or becoming it. Let me help you out:

- First of all I think you read a lot about mental diseases, and you recognize yourself in a lot of symptoms. The fact that you think you seem to recognize them in yourself, means that you are ok. In general people who have this do not see their illness. It is anxiety, you see

- I do not know how long you have all this already, but chances are that if you would become schizophrenic or psychosis you would already have it with all the stress you are going through (psychosis occurs mainly as a last resort for the brain to escape extreme stress and when you are sensitive to it). Actually having all this anxiety and stress basically shows that you are NOT SENSITIVE for these type diseases, since you have extreme stress and are still in touch with reality. The fact that you are so bewilderd can make you fear anything even showering gel, or doorknobs, that is reality!

- Wouldnt it be nice to become psychotic, you wouldn't doubt and ruminate so much, your psychose would be your reality. So just think that if you would ever become it, you are going to have the best pyschose in the world

- Well, you can continue making a list whenever you calm down more and write it down!!

What is the conclusion? Looking at your symptoms, I say DR/DP and anxiety, like 99% of the people here (just my opinion. Secondly, I think you read a lot about mental diseases, that fucks you up (I did it too) So, there is a lot of hope for you, try to make peace with yourself, accept your situation and move on with life


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## yosemitedome (Aug 1, 2013)

/\ listen to this guy/gal.

Wise words.


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## Guest (Mar 16, 2014)

Most people say recovery from DP is about facing fears... maybe there's things you're more afraid of than going crazy!


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## guffyd (Mar 16, 2014)

ive witnessed schizo first hand my mum has it , dont worry you dont have it


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## Jautumn24 (Mar 2, 2014)

I literally feel like I wrote this lol. It's exactly what I am going through! Even with the coincidences. People even notice that my intuition is high and is freaking out my friends. For example, I was talking to a co worker about my trip to the Grand Canyon over 5 years ago and how it would be horrible to fall into it. Next morning... I kid you not first thing on the news... Man falls to death into Grand Canyon. Um freaky!!! I too thought I have some more than dp and anxiety I thought I was going insane.. Kinda still do. According to my therapist and phycaritrist it's dp and my brain trying protect me from fears....


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## cacophony (May 28, 2012)

In fact, the majority of people in the prodome phase of schizophrenia can recognize their altered world view, just like DP. Im not saying this to scare you, but its fact. The duration of the prodome phase can vary from days to several years. But keep in mind that the chance of developing schizophrenia is incredibly low. About 1%. You can compare nearly every anxiety disorder to the early stages of schizophrenia.


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