# OCD



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Hi guys!

First of all, I'm posting this in the Road to Recovery section because i still believe I am sloooooowly recovering, but this is sadly not a recovery story. Sorry.

I've had some good days, like 80% normality, but there's so much stress in my life, I keep slipping back into dp (or worse dp as it's never fully gone).

So, I have a huge problem. I never knew obsessive thoughts could feel this bad, but I'm exhausted! I started to repeat my name and address every time I felt a panic attack coming on, like 3 years ago. Then it developed into something I did every time something was slightly distressing, to keep focused and not get more dp'd. Could be something on tv, on the radio, someone talking to me, seeing something or smelling something.. So basically everything all day makes me repeat my name and address now.

Only I've managed to make it even worse.. I watched t.v and someone said "my" name and it triggered my obsessive thoughts, only it didn't give me a mental fix as I now only heard the woman on t.vs name, if you know what I mean.. Crazy, yes. So I had to look at my hand very quickly and say "hand".

It stuck. I now say "name-name-street-postal code-city-HAND..."

It's so insane, I can't even follow a conversation, I have to listen to my ocd all the time to not freak out. I even almost said my name a couple of times when my boyfriend's asked me something, like I'm in the freaking Being John Malcowich movie where he's himself looking through himself, and everyone looks like him and say "malkowich malcowich malcowich" instead of talking.

I'm nuts, I know.

Do ANY of you have any advice on how to undo these things?


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## lil P nut (May 7, 2011)

York said:


> Hi guys!
> 
> First of all, I'm posting this in the Road to Recovery section because i still believe I am sloooooowly recovering, but this is sadly not a recovery story. Sorry.
> 
> ...


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

If it's just thoughts it's not ocd

pick another thought, or action, when you start thinking your name or add, stop and count all the colors in the room, stop and count back wards, do the alphabet backwards, If you have a list if dif things you won't get stuck on just one


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I've tried, it's just that if I don't calm my self down with these specific words in my head, I feel like I disappear and get really dp'd. I'm afraid to stop, or it would have been easy. That's why I wondered if anyone knows if there's any treatment for it.

I try to practice emptying my mind when at home, but I'm mostly outside all day and I'm super scared of going into one of those horrible dp-attacks when I can't run and hide and pop benzo's.

My life is ruled by my fear of losing control of my thoughts, I have to monitor every one of them constantly and analyze why I thought that thought and if I'm right in thinking whatever I was thinking..
It's like I have to put myself in everyones situation and figure everyone's life out, and when I can't think straight anymore, I freak out and then i have to repeat my name etc. I often have to repeat it as I think of those other things too, so it's obsessive thoughts on top of obsessive thoughts and in the background is my "self", exhausted, wondering how I came to be this crazy.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

You have to keep trying, gotta do it over and over, it won't work at first, you've got to let them get wired into your head just like the "bad" ones did, it '*can* be done



York said:


> I've tried, it's just that if I don't calm my self down with these specific words in my head, I feel like I disappear and get really dp'd. I'm afraid to stop, or it would have been easy. That's why I wondered if anyone knows if there's any treatment for it.
> 
> I try to practice emptying my mind when at home, but I'm mostly outside all day and I'm super scared of going into one of those horrible dp-attacks when I can't run and hide and pop benzo's.
> 
> ...


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## opie37060 (Jan 9, 2010)

Obbsessive thoughts and no ocd actions are called Pure O. You can have OCD without the other stuff. Look it up.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

opie37060 said:


> Obbsessive thoughts and no ocd actions are called Pure O. You can have OCD without the other stuff. Look it up.


Wow, thanks!
I'll look into it.

And Kate, yes I believe you are right. I think dp in itself in a way is "pure O", I feel like I could get better from both horrors if I was able to let myself relax and focus outward.


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## nearlyrecovered (Feb 1, 2012)

My OCD and DR/DP are almost gone







What I did was no matter how scary my fear thoughts and panic attacks were. I let it go. I had pure O also, but I just thought to myself I can't live like this, I can't waste my life in fear and with DP so for awhile I did things that were fun and no matter how bad my thoughts were I ignored them and eventually my DP started lifting. I think my OCD was the cause of DP in my case.


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