# thoughts of existence....



## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

okay soo... basically i am scared... depressed .. sooo depressed... i feel like i have just arrived on the planet.... i am jsut wondering if anyone u went thru all the stages of being numb . no emotions etc... to feeling soooo scared and all emotions bak and all existential thoughts bak.. 
now this existential thoughts are not jsut fleeting ones... they plague my ever moment of life... i cry all day because i dunno wat i am doin here... how i got here on the god damn planet... why ANYTHING exists.... and you know wat? i am not looking for the answer either... i jsut want to know its all dr/dp and that im not just doomed for life.,. i feel now that i thought this way i cannot go bak to feeling normal everyday things... i have looked at life oin a completely different way and it really feels there is no going bak... it all feels sooo new to me.... i feel like its weird that i was born and have to learn about myself and the world around me.. and that it existed before i was here.. i look at words and i dunno how i understand them.... it seems everyone else gets lost in life but i am standing outside looking at the bigger picture.. i am terrified in my own skin... i have no me anymore (although its more there then it used to be) .. i feel like im watching this all instead of being involved in it... im scared to jump bak in because then i feel that i am playing along with the game (life) that im trying to analyse and go against... everything feels wrong ... my surroundings.. how the f*** did they get there at all !??? ughh.. anyone please help me... scared is not even the word... lost and confused.... im 21.. and i feel like i am 5... i want my life bak.. i was never thinking these things before anxiet......
my therapist says these thoughts are a cover up for sumthing else.. wat tho ... i know im anxious and deeply sad for sum reason.. but why cant i feel those things instead of this crazy fcked up way of thinking...

any responses wud b appreciated.. thanks

katie xxxx


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Hmmm, I think in time these thoughts will fade. They did for me. Unfortunately, your experience won't get easier. You'll just be less inclined to indulge the thoughts. A I've said, face it all. Assume you will die, and go nuts, and that your life is over -- no need to worry - you're in a shitty enough situation as it is. It can't get much worse.

Now, just do things. Ideally take major risks that will bring you some adrenaline and fulfillment. Now is the time. And nothing should be scary in comparison to what you have to deal with all day everyday.

wishing you luck,

Phoenix


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

these thoughts have to be a part of dp though ye? i never had any philosophical thoughts till i had bad anxiety... ! my mind is on overdrive.. some of the stuff i think of is jsut mind boggling ,,,, how did u get over these thoughts?
oh and i have enough adrenaline im panicking 24/7 ...


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## whatthehell (Jul 27, 2010)

I ended up going to therapy. Seeing my mom a lot. I started writing down how I felt and using this website to assure myself I wasn't crazy. 
I did use meds for anxiety and am still on them. But its a low dose.

I think existential ruminations happen because we feel so WIERD and anxious in our 
surroundings and this leads to things appearing alien because of how worked up we are about how we feel. Then we start obsessing about how we feel
and why we can't escape the feeling. Then that makes us feel trapped...and then BAM we sort of disassociate from ourselves which probably really puts the
nail in the coffin for feeling like the whole word has turned to play dough.

There really isn't a method to stop the existential thinking....it just kinda stops on its own. It 100% is a habit though and habits can be mindfully broken.

The biggest thing which was wigging me out were peoples eye balls. But i barely think about it too much. If I do feel weird anymore I just keep doing what I'm doing
barely caring.


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