# My Story (Please please read) Please



## Healy787

So I just wrote a huge story about my experience, but I realized thats the worst thing to do cus no one wants to read that much. Getting help is far more important than you guys knowing exactly wut happened...so i'll sum up the horrible details....PLEASE OFFER ANY ADVICE POSSIBLE

5 months ago I smoked weed. Worst experience of my life. Detachment. Lost. Doom. Anxiety. Panick Attack. Out of body. Described it as a trance (stuck deep inside myself impossible to ever get out). Said life was just like a flip book. Believed i was in hell. 1000000x worse than any words could explain. DEPERSONALIZATION/DEREALIZATION badly.

Thought it was anxiety disorder. Went off to college. Horrible anxiety. Slight depersonalization on and off. Anxiety got worse due to social issues and roommate. Increased derealization & depersonalization. Very confused. Feelings I dont exist. I'm not real. Lost. Deep inside my own body. Constant obsessing over it. Thinking thoughts differently. Hearing my thoughts differently. Stuck inside. Environment was dark and blurry & differnt while the same at the same time.

Got medication & therapy (believed to be anxiety/depression). Medication seemed to make the anxiety go away, but dp/dr worse. Incredible depression. So confused. Hopeless. Tried so hard to tell therapist it was more than anxiety. Kept looking up mental illnesses. Finally found deperesonlization. Knew it was that.

Came home from college. Medical Withdrawal for "anxiety disorder". Told family it was depersonalization. No one, including therapists believed me. Assume it to be depression/anxiety. Think they understand.

NOW: I still have dp/dr symptoms. They have lessoned much, due only to me. NO ONE is helping. It is soooo hard. Everyday used to be HELL. Fighting to get thru. Now, its a few notches above hell. I have trouble concentrating still. I obsess still. I feel distant from myself/empty. But i am less depressed and anxious due to prozac. And i suppose the derealization has decreased tremendously. And the dp is slowly going away...but i need it to go away completely. ALL or NOTHING...plzzz HELP

WHAT CAN I DO TO FIGHT

(only read the rest if u want to)

I am actually a really nice, normal, athletic, used to be fun, 18 y/o dude. I may seem obnoxious or rude, but I was trying to get to the point so that you don't have to read much. I really need advice on steps to get better and how to convince my therapist/family to believe & help. I dont want them to think im nuts. I see the light at the end of the tunnel often, but its far away. If anyone would like to talk, I also am a really good friend. I know we can all get through this, we just need help along the way....

My email is [email protected]


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## morozevich

You wont get rid of it if you "fight it" that's what keeps it going.
You must accept it, and let time heal the condition.
Try activate yourself, do stuff just like you know you used to do, routines etc. 
Don't analyze every day, the intensity, reality-tests, etc.
I know it's hard because I have the same symtoms, and had most of them for 12 years.



Jim17 said:


> So I just wrote a huge story about my experience, but I realized thats the worst thing to do cus no one wants to read that much. Getting help is far more important than you guys knowing exactly wut happened...so i'll sum up the horrible details....PLEASE OFFER ANY ADVICE POSSIBLE
> 
> 5 months ago I smoked weed. Worst experience of my life. Detachment. Lost. Doom. Anxiety. Panick Attack. Out of body. Described it as a trance (stuck deep inside myself impossible to ever get out). Said life was just like a flip book. Believed i was in hell. 1000000x worse than any words could explain. DEPERSONALIZATION/DEREALIZATION badly.
> 
> Thought it was anxiety disorder. Went off to college. Horrible anxiety. Slight depersonalization on and off. Anxiety got worse due to social issues and roommate. Increased derealization & depersonalization. Very confused. Feelings I dont exist. I'm not real. Lost. Deep inside my own body. Constant obsessing over it. Thinking thoughts differently. Hearing my thoughts differently. Stuck inside. Environment was dark and blurry & differnt while the same at the same time.
> 
> Got medication & therapy (believed to be anxiety/depression). Medication seemed to make the anxiety go away, but dp/dr worse. Incredible depression. So confused. Hopeless. Tried so hard to tell therapist it was more than anxiety. Kept looking up mental illnesses. Finally found deperesonlization. Knew it was that.
> 
> Came home from college. Medical Withdrawal for "anxiety disorder". Told family it was depersonalization. No one, including therapists believed me. Assume it to be depression/anxiety. Think they understand.
> 
> NOW: I still have dp/dr symptoms. They have lessoned much, due only to me. NO ONE is helping. It is soooo hard. Everyday used to be HELL. Fighting to get thru. Now, its a few notches above hell. I have trouble concentrating still. I obsess still. I feel distant from myself/empty. But i am less depressed and anxious due to prozac. And i suppose the derealization has decreased tremendously. And the dp is slowly going away...but i need it to go away completely. ALL or NOTHING...plzzz HELP
> 
> WHAT CAN I DO TO FIGHT
> 
> (only read the rest if u want to)
> 
> I am actually a really nice, normal, athletic, used to be fun, 18 y/o dude. I may seem obnoxious or rude, but I was trying to get to the point so that you don't have to read much. I really need advice on steps to get better and how to convince my therapist/family to believe & help. I dont want them to think im nuts. I see the light at the end of the tunnel often, but its far away. If anyone would like to talk, I also am a really good friend. I know we can all get through this, we just need help along the way....
> 
> My email is [email protected]


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## Mario

Hello Jim
I'm glad you found this forum because i think that you'll find some help in here.
In fact DP/DR can be very disturbing specially in what concerns to our daily lives.But still we have to move on.

There are two great posts here in the forum by members who have recovered with lots of tips and advices for those that want to get better or even recover.

Below please find the links to these posts:

http://www.dpselfhel...er-no-bullshit/
by tommygunz - 1st post of the topic - it's mainly about a supplement regimen that has already helped others towards recovery

http://www.dpselfhel...ears-heres-how/
by Guest_phasedout24 - 1st post of the topic - that's a story of the member's own recovery with lots of tips and good advices for the depersonalized people to better deal on their daily lives and possible recovery.

Hope these two posts can be of help to you

All the best


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## ripeorrotten

i understand how you feel about no one believing you. the only one in my family who knows is my mom and i'm afraid to ever tell a therapist or a doctor.. they hate self diagnosis. it will all be okay.. stay strong, know that even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, it's there and you're getting closer and closer.


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## Misia

Depersonalization and derealization are caused by anxiety. Marijuana cannot cause a mental disorder, but it can worsen pre-existing anxiety. I know, it feels _like this can't be anxiety! I'm going fucking crazy!_ The reason people have this for years is because they won't accept and believe that this is only anxiety, nothing more. Don't believe everything on the internet. I know I did and I spent 3 months in hell thinking I had "Depersonalization Disorder".

Guess what? *Depersonalization Disorder is bullshit*. No such thing. Depersonalization is an extremely common symptom of anxiety. Sooooo many people experience it, and some people (us) fear it, so it sticks around because it's protecting you from the fear. Dp is a defensive stress-coping mechanism.

The first verse of Lose Yourself by Eminem is about depersonalization:

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
to drops bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
what he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth but the words won't come out
He's chokin, how? Everybody's jokin now
The clock's run out, time's up, over - BLAOW!
Snap back to reality, OHH! there goes gravity

He's anxious, dp'd and then snaps back to reality because he understands this feeling. It's anxiety. Eminem recovered. Yaaaay for Eminem.


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## Tommygunz

DEPERSONALIZATION DISORDER IS A DISORDER. check the DSM-IV-TR if you don't believe it. yes the symptoms can occur due to anxiety/panic/depression/schizophrenia/psychosis, but in those cases it is not depersonalization disorder. you really need to watch what you say on a depersonalization website if you don't even have it. perhaps in your case it is just anxiety related, and if thats the case then awesome because you had the easiest form of Dp to recover from. but don't ever tell people on a depersonalization forum who have been battling this shit for years that their hell on earth is bullshit when you do not and never did have DP/DR, sure you may have had anxiety related symptoms of DP/DR but you have made it clear that you did not have depersonalization DISORDER. sorry if i come off a little half cocked, but i have seen a lot of posts lately discrediting peoples suffering, just washing their pain and suffering away with accusations of being weak minded and self centered. that is not the case, yes many people on this site do not have a cut and dry case of depersonalization disorder, but many DO. so you can't run anround saying depersonalization doesn't exist or that it's just bullshit, would you say something like that to someone with schizophrenia? probably not.

Ps. it has been proven that THC can induce many psychological disorders, including dissociation.


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## Healy787

Thanks.for.all.the.help.&.sorry.my.space.button.isn't.working...but.you're.contradictions.in.beliefs.aren't.exactly.helping...

I.have.definitely.gotten.better.My.derealizaton.has.gone.down.tremendously.but.i.am.still.depersonalized.but.only.when.i.focus.on.it.Its.like.i.cant.think.of.anything.else.

Is.it.possible.it.was.anxiety.induced.&.now.very.slowly.going.away?


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## Tommygunz

first off, sorry for dumping in the middle of your thread like that.

second, has your anxiety died down at all since you have been improving. if so then it is likely that it is anxiety related. mario already posted the link above but if your DP/DR is anxiety related then the link in my signature is specifically for you. so far the people who seem to be benefitting the most from the supplement regimen are those with anxiety related DP/DR. good luck man, and welcome to the forum.


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## FoXS

Misia said:


> There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti


URGH! I never really understood this sentence. i wish it would have stayed like that


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## Misia

Tommygunz said:


> DEPERSONALIZATION DISORDER IS A DISORDER. check the DSM-IV-TR if you don't believe it. yes the symptoms can occur due to anxiety/panic/depression/schizophrenia/psychosis, but in those cases it is not depersonalization disorder. you really need to watch what you say on a depersonalization website if you don't even have it. perhaps in your case it is just anxiety related, and if thats the case then awesome because you had the easiest form of Dp to recover from. but don't ever tell people on a depersonalization forum who have been battling this shit for years that their hell on earth is bullshit when you do not and never did have DP/DR, sure you may have had anxiety related symptoms of DP/DR but you have made it clear that you did not have depersonalization DISORDER. sorry if i come off a little half cocked, but i have seen a lot of posts lately discrediting peoples suffering, just washing their pain and suffering away with accusations of being weak minded and self centered. that is not the case, yes many people on this site do not have a cut and dry case of depersonalization disorder, but many DO. so you can't run anround saying depersonalization doesn't exist or that it's just bullshit, would you say something like that to someone with schizophrenia? probably not.
> 
> Ps. it has been proven that THC can induce many psychological disorders, including dissociation.


Marijuana does not cause mental illness. In order to be diagnosed with DPD, depersonalization cannot be the result of another disorder, substance use, or general medical condition. Jim does not have DPD. "Misinterpreting normally transient dissociative symptoms as an indication of severe mental illness or neurological impairment leads to the development of the chronic disorder. This leads to a vicious cycle of heightened anxiety and symptoms of depersonalization and derealization."

I still stand by my point. It is not a disorder. It's an anxiety symptom.


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## Healy787

Misia said:


> Marijuana does not cause mental illness. In order to be diagnosed with DPD, depersonalization cannot be the result of another disorder, substance use, or general medical condition. Jim does not have DPD. "Misinterpreting normally transient dissociative symptoms as an indication of severe mental illness or neurological impairment leads to the development of the chronic disorder. This leads to a vicious cycle of heightened anxiety and symptoms of depersonalization and derealization."
> 
> I still stand by my point. It is not a disorder. It's an anxiety symptom.


Honestly.that's.great.to.hear.And.that.honestly.makes.a.lot.more.sense..because.the.dissociative.symptoms.seem.to.be.dying.down...yet.I.can't.seem.to.let.it.go....because.I've.been.obsessing.over.fixing.it.for.so.long.

I.realize.that.i.tend.to.dissociate.only.in.cars.or.in.the.dark...bc.this.reminds.me.of.that.night....(possibly?)......
yet.I.can't.get.it.off.my.mind.EVER...even.when.I'm.not.dissociating....does.this.make.sense?

If.so..how.can.i.let.it.go?..I'm.ready.to.be.free.of.thinking.about.it....any.advice?


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## Misia

Jim17 said:


> Honestly.that's.great.to.hear.And.that.honestly.makes.a.lot.more.sense..because.the.dissociative.symptoms.seem.to.be.dying.down...yet.I.can't.seem.to.let.it.go....because.I've.been.obsessing.over.fixing.it.for.so.long.
> 
> I.realize.that.i.tend.to.dissociate.only.in.cars.or.in.the.dark...bc.this.reminds.me.of.that.night....(possibly?)......
> yet.I.can't.get.it.off.my.mind.EVER...even.when.I'm.not.dissociating....does.this.make.sense?
> 
> If.so..how.can.i.let.it.go?..I'm.ready.to.be.free.of.thinking.about.it....any.advice?


We all share that obsessive trait, which is what makes it stick around. I can't get my mind off of it either, it's all I think about. You only experience depersonalization in cars or in the dark now? Sounds like you're improving!







Yes, it's probably because you associate the time and place with the feeling. Like if you listen to a certain song, it might remind you of a good memory. It's something like that.

What helps me, is saying to myself "all is well". And it is. Prognosis for recovery is very good, especially if it was caused by a traumatic event (smoking weed). Because our onset of dp wasn't gradual, it's easier to go back to normal.


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## Irukandji

Misia said:


> Depersonalization and derealization are caused by anxiety. Marijuana cannot cause a mental disorder, but it can worsen pre-existing anxiety. I know, it feels _like this can't be anxiety! I'm going fucking crazy!_ The reason people have this for years is because they won't accept and believe that this is only anxiety, nothing more. Don't believe everything on the internet. I know I did and I spent 3 months in hell thinking I had "Depersonalization Disorder".
> 
> Guess what? *Depersonalization Disorder is bullshit*. No such thing. Depersonalization is an extremely common symptom of anxiety. Sooooo many people experience it, and some people (us) fear it, so it sticks around because it's protecting you from the fear. Dp is a defensive stress-coping mechanism.


Why would you pretend to know this??
I have DP but no trace of anxiety whatsoever.


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## Harpo

Irukandji said:


> Why would you pretend to know this??
> I have DP but no trace of anxiety whatsoever.


Same here, I have never had a panic attack or any form of anxiety.


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## dalailama15

Jim:

You probably don't need this advice, but it is probably important enough to say: Regardless of what anyone thinks or says, THC (weed) has been reported to be implicit in the onset of this pretty specific, pretty unique, set of symptoms, or experiences, over and over and over and over, on this site, if not widely in the literature. It seems to me for a small percentage of people, THC is, in this strange way, toxic. I would bet that there is a direct correlation to the number of young people who make posts like yours (or feel the same way) to the increasing potency of marijuana. So, obviously, you should stay away. I don't know if your friends "party" or whatever, or if you will ever feel tempted, after you get better, to take a hit. But, of course, it is a bad idea--not necessarily a bad way to go in any case.

(Anyone who want's to debate this, by the way, could start a new topic, perhaps in medical forum, perhaps not in response to this specific post.)


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## Guest

Misia said:


> Marijuana does not cause mental illness. In order to be diagnosed with DPD, depersonalization cannot be the result of another disorder, substance use, or general medical condition. Jim does not have DPD. "Misinterpreting normally transient dissociative symptoms as an indication of severe mental illness or neurological impairment leads to the development of the chronic disorder. This leads to a vicious cycle of heightened anxiety and symptoms of depersonalization and derealization."
> 
> I still stand by my point. It is not a disorder. It's an anxiety symptom.


*Misia, the new DSM-V, which is to come out in 2012 -- God Willing -- and is still under debate ... many new diagnoses etc. has changed this criteria for the definition of Depersonalization Disorder. The wording is still very confusing, and I'd say misleading to many MH professionals (I'd like to kick in the head) -- but there is a change, every day, in the way the brain is understood.*

In my case ... non drug-induced, I have had DP/DR, GAD, and clinical depression since I can recall. Say age 4-5. I was diagnosed with DP/DR, depression and anxiety at age 15. I am now 51. Over the years, especially the past 10 or so, there is a growing realization that many/most mental illnesses do not exist in a vacuum. Depression comes with anxiety, MANY psychiatric disorders come with anxiety. And many other disorders come with DP/DR.

In some cases, yes, this is secondary to depression. But I have come to believe .. having lived with this my entire life. That I have THREE CO-MORBID DISORDERS. DPD, clinical depression, and anxiety. And again, I have never had a rec drug in my life.

I can get a link to the DSM-V discussion ... they want input from the public. I will post the new criteria proposed for Depersonalization Disorder.

Also, again, at this moment, and much of today, and much of many days in the past few years, I am sitting here with DP/DR but no anxiety. I am depressed. And these past few months, the depression has been related to many things going on in my life, including the chornicity of the DP/DR.

I will try to locate the new wording in the "new DSM" -- the last DSM-IV came out in 1994. It is old news in many ways. After this new version comes out, there is a likelihood it will be the last DSM. Psychiatric disorders will be subsumed under neuropsychiatric and/or will go into the ICD ... "International Classification of Disorders" -- physical and mental.

TRUE primary DPD, existing all alone is rare. That might occur with a brain tumor, a stroke, a head injury, also ingesting certain Rx medication including antibiotics. There are a number of studies on this.

Again, this should most likely go into another discussion.

Also as noted, there are so many stories about weed-induced DP/DR there has to be some connection. There are also studies that weed can induce psychosis ... BUT ONE HAS TO HAVE A PREDISPOSITION.

I'll look for the new wording in the DSM-V.

D


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## Guest

I will post this in the main forum. I suggest individuals sign in and contribute comments.

http://www.dsm5.org/Pages/Default.aspx

Publication of the fifth edition of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in May 2013 will mark one the most anticipated events in the mental health field. As part of the development process, the preliminary draft revisions to the current diagnostic criteria for psychiatric diagnoses are now available for public review and comment. We thank you for your interest in DSM-5 and hope that you use this opportunity not only to learn more about the proposed changes in DSM-5, but also about its history, its impact, and its developers. Please continue to check this site for updates to criteria and for more information about the development process.

New Criteria include Section D and section E.
A. Persistent or recurrent experiences of feeling detached from, and as if one is an outside observer of, one's mental processes or body (e.g., feeling like one is in a dream).

B. During the depersonalization experience, reality testing remains intact.

C. The depersonalization causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

*D. The depersonalization experience is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., temporal lobe epilepsy).

E. The depersonalization symptoms are not restricted to the symptoms of another mental disorder (e.g., depersonalization symptoms in Schizophrenia, Panic Disorder, Acute Stress Disorder, or another Dissociative Disorder).
*

Rationale given for D. and E.
*"D and E: Changes allow comorbid diagnoses to be made when warranted."*

This is directly out of the draft for the new DSM-V. Register and you can make comments on any of the diagnostic changes. But write professionally and don't use profanity and such or you won't be taken seriously. You must register anonymously and are given a password. I have contributed two times. Once re: DP, and once re: another disorder.

D


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## Guest

Misia said:


> Depersonalization and derealization are caused by anxiety. Marijuana cannot cause a mental disorder, but it can worsen pre-existing anxiety. I know, it feels _like this can't be anxiety! I'm going fucking crazy!_ The reason people have this for years is because they won't accept and believe that this is only anxiety, nothing more. Don't believe everything on the internet. I know I did and I spent 3 months in hell thinking I had "Depersonalization Disorder".
> 
> Guess what? *Depersonalization Disorder is bullshit*. No such thing. Depersonalization is an extremely common symptom of anxiety. Sooooo many people experience it, and some people (us) fear it, so it sticks around because it's protecting you from the fear. Dp is a defensive stress-coping mechanism.
> 
> The first verse of Lose Yourself by Eminem is about depersonalization:
> 
> His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
> There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
> He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
> to drops bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
> what he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
> He opens his mouth but the words won't come out
> He's chokin, how? Everybody's jokin now
> The clock's run out, time's up, over - BLAOW!
> Snap back to reality, OHH! there goes gravity
> 
> He's anxious, dp'd and then snaps back to reality because he understands this feeling. It's anxiety. Eminem recovered. Yaaaay for Eminem.


this is the truth!

I had a hard time to admit it to myself, but I WAS a weak person when I had anxiety. It was hard to believe because my panic attack seemed like coming out of nothing, but now I see it only seemed that way. I was hiding problems from myself.

Also, my first reaction was to think I have a "disorder". But I had to admit that it is not a a disorder or illness. It's self created. Which not neccessary means that you're weak but you're so hard on yourself.

There are no illness in the world that just comes from one minute to another, and lasts while not developing. It came as a panic attack, and remained for a year without progressing in any way. It just does not make any sense.

people are going after pills, vitamins, omega oils (I did also), only to deny their responsibility for their condition.

*most important part :*

have you ever, ever thought about how it can be, that people with panic/anxiety/DP NEVER fail to do the right thing when it's REALLY important? Like, how it is possible that while suffering from this SO SO terryfing "MENTAL ILLNESS", nobody ever died let's say in a car accident?

We can function, we can think, we can read, we can work, of course we "suffer" but we do everything.

its because when shit really hits the fan, we "pull back" our "illness".

how is it possible that if you don't want them to, nobody recognizes your conditon? how?

can you really hide a mental illness?

be honest and take responsibility now!

----

p.s.: I'm not trying to offend anyone, I just think it'll be helpful to some.


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## Guest

Irukandji said:


> Why would you pretend to know this??
> I have DP but no trace of anxiety whatsoever.


only because you don't fear the condition that much. that's the only reason you didn't panic.

it's pointless to argue about whether it's "depersonalization disorder", "anxiety disorder" or "panic disorder", please remember everybody that these are only names.

in my case, ALL OF THEM came once. do you really think that 3 different "illness" can come to a person at the same time out of nowhere? they are the same thing, different people experiences them slightly differently, and they also describe it differently. remember, these "conditions" can not be measured in any way, so the only way psychiatrists can categorize them is by using the words the patient use.


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## kayseas95

That verse isn't about dp specifically but it's probably about anxiety forsure, but I know eminem went through some episodes of depersonalization or maybe he knows what it is but doesn't choose to tell everyone about it, listen to his relapse and recovery albums ALOT of his songs make me convinced that he had dp/dr from his pill addiction


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