# Recovering ...but need help



## Arohi Chavan (Feb 1, 2021)

Hello everyone, my name is Arohi Chavan.I started having dp/dr since March last yr .I have never had anxiety this bad earlier, I felt anxious on certain occasions like before exams or interviews, but I used to notice that my intensity of anxiety would be a lot more than others ..but it was always under control.

On March after the covid outbreak I started to become sort of hypochondriac, one night I was laying in bed watching funny videos on YouTube and I suddenly started noticing my breath and I freaked out out of nowhere. Like a jolt of fear had devoured me which I never anticipated. I felt like I will stop breathing if I try to sleep. Hence began the unending cycle of hell. I experienced terrible things for 6 months after which I started noticing small improvements. 
My symptoms included-

1. Severe insomnia, inability to fall asleep Inability to have the feeling of sleep.

2. Not feeling any emotions at all.

3. Feeling of unnecessary fear all the time .

4. Inability to think anything.

5. Feeling like there is a block from forehead to my chest.

6. Extreme depression.

7. Muscle twitching everywhere.

8. Having extreme intrusive thoughts

9. Not feeling hunger or thirst

10.Not feeling any difference, whether I sleep or not. Feeling like a zombie.

11. Unable to understand time ..no difference between day and night.

I consulted a psychiatrist and neurologist , but could not continue with the anxiety meds...I took them for only a month but stopped as I did not see any difference and I was getting side effects too.I started taking chamomile tea and passion flower to sleep as I completely lost the ability to sleep naturally.

Fast forward to now, I feel much better than how it was.i am able to sleep on my own without any meds. I have joined my work . 
I am trying to live life as normal as I can.i was able to clear an interview too in that state. Lol...but I hate this feeling of dread Everytime. I don't excersise a lot...but I do skipping as cardio in the morning for 15 min.
And do evening walks after the office
I try to emrace these feelings as much as I can ...but I still have a long way to go ..and it's frustrating. It feels like the personality I had built all these years have been crashed now and I have to start from scratch.
I have a lot of trouble Concentrating and remembering things and learning new things. It's difficult to manage these in demanding times like when I have to work quick. I am sleeping good , but I still feel like something is stuck in my throat always and the emotions do not feel that intense. I have a lot of difficulty with interpreting things.
I still have the weired block like feeling from my forehead to the chest but the intensity is decreasing. I also have weired thoughts about life, like I feel uncomfortable knowing this ultimate truth of life that doing any work seems meaningless. It feels like my body is blocking all emotions and feelings ...all enjoyments . It's going to be a year and sometimes I just wonder if this will ever have an end..coz the progress seems slow ...like an unending blanket of fear wrapping me in multiple layers.The layers are lifting up , but I don't know if the last layer will ever come.

Please let me know if anyone could relate and what else I can do to speed up the process.

Thanks for reading.


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