# My Anxiety Disorder/Depersonalization Recovery Log



## m.m (Sep 8, 2007)

_[Medications]
I also have a weekly AM/PM medicationn box._

*Day 1, September 22nd, 2007*

Morning: Took 1/2 of Cipralex. Felt slight placebo effects. Tough to tell if better or worse. Analyzation remained. Worsened and bettered in waves. Baseline of a 6/10.

Evening: Indifference of feeling this way, mild acceptance. Took 1 Klonopin (red tablet) near bedtime. First effects felt 45 minutes in, 2 hours in felt normal, functioning, less analyzation (it is "blocked" by good feelings). Baseline of a 3. Things seem more real, quicker thinking. Overall good feeling. Hunger. Fell asleep easily and blissfully.

*Day 2, September 23rd, 2007*

Morning: Took 1/2 Cipralex. DP at a baseline of 6 out of 10. Weird feeling, normality is within reach, but there are moments of complete detachment. Things seems distant yet close. Easier to convince myself that "this is me." Calmer thinking. Worsened near 1 o'clock, went outside with dog, complete detachment. Fragmented thought, loss of feeling in arms. A 10 out of 10, but a calm one, still.

Afternoon: Better after being outside.

Evening: Took 1 Klonopin. Same relaxing effect. Simple tasks become more enjoyable. Fell asleep relatively fast, but lights were flashing in eyes. Generally a more relaxed feeling. A baseline of 4.

*
Day 3, September 24th, 2007*

Morning: Took 1/2 Cipralex. Still an overall relaxed feeling, complacency. Indifference. Solopsism feeling still present, but it's relaxed. Worsened while on computer at 10 AM. Difficulty concentrating a bit. A baseline of a 5.5.

Afternoon: Felt relaxed, but times of symptoms came back. Went to fitness, felt calm while there, more control over thoughts, better understanding of surroundings. After fitness, felt really good. Felt out of body again near afternoon, but in a calm-like manner. A baseline of a 3.5.

Evening: Took 1 Klonopin. Same relaxing effect. This time, more profound. Much quicker thinking, better cognition, calm, undisturbed feeling. Slight fluctuations. A baseline of a 1.5/2. (Extreme joy at one point.)

*Day 4, September 25th, 2007*

Morning: Took 1/2 Cipralex. Was bad in the morning. Analyzation became extreme, unbearable. A baseline of 8.

Afternoon: Afternoon was much better. More relaxed, carefree, but analyzation remained in small quantities. My dog choked on a piece of bone and we had to take him to the emergency pet hospital. I felt detached from my detachement when I was trying to care for my dog. At the hospital, the anxiety rose to a 7, but once again, a relaxed one. (My dog is completely fine now.)

Evening: Felt much better the whole evening, only small times of great discomfort. There were several times when I had as much a feeling of normality as I had before the anxiety disorder. I accepted the fact that other people exist, and it's not just my reality. Took 1 Klonopin. The effect was once again, very relaxing unnoticeabely. I had to do an invoice for my dad's business, a situation which is stressful for me. Under the effect of Klonopin, I found it easy, but towards the end of the invoice, my anxiety got worse and the analyzation as well. Afterwards, there was a great alternating effect of pure joy and self-feeling to deep anxiety. But overall, if felt good, and once again, I was dancing around and enjoying myself for no reason. Everything seemed much more real and like I knew where I was.

*Day 5, September 26th, 2007*

Morning: Took 1/2 Cipralex. Was good right after I woke up, but then it started to get worse. I went back to sleep. Got much worse after I woke up, a 9 out of 10, with anxiety. Severe analyzation continues through the afternoon, loss of self. Disbelief, etcetera, deep existential thoughts. Unreal, distant.

Evening: Took 1 Klonopin before a tennis practice in hopes of being calmer during tennis practice. Got a lot worse during tennis practice, complete detachment from feelings, at times overwhelming, but I told myself not to care. At home it got much better, because Klonopin effects started to work. Had a slight meltdown near 10 PM from sick feeling of feeling like this all of the time. Just lay in my bed looking at the ceiling for over an hour. Went to sleep fine, felt alright. A baseline of 6.

*Day 6, September 27th, 2007*

Morning: Took 1/2 Cipralex. Felt alright, but still distant. Had a calm feeling, yet still distant. Went to school to try socializing. Handled it alrigh, I think, people didn't say "you look weird" or anything. At times it was good, but at others it got much worse. Socializing reaffirms your identity and makes it alright to be who you are. Near the end, I felt messed up but I still continued to talk and was talking completely fine. I am interested how I looked from the side, I think fine.

Afternoon: Analyzing remains, solipsism remains. A baseline of 7, but a calmer one. Not as calm as when on Klonopin, but still a improvement.


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## algernon (Jul 15, 2007)

Please keep posting I will be looking forward to them....


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## ghosting (Apr 4, 2007)

May I ask how much Klonopin you take? I've been taking .25MG a day, but it doesn't seem to do much, and I'm thinking about upping my dose.

Thanks!


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2007)

ghosting:

I was taking .75mg each night which helped alot... but my GP wants me to come of benzos altogether, so i've dropped down to .625 and it has started to allow my brain fog to return. I recommend you increase your dose by .125 each time.


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## algernon (Jul 15, 2007)

How have you been clegg?


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## m.m (Sep 8, 2007)

Hi,

I decided to stop writing a log of how I feel because I realized that only made me more privy to analyze everything.

There's been good times in the past month, and there's been bad times. But overall, I feel much better. I can play tennis with enjoyment at times, just like before, and I can socialize pretty much normally.

The biggest fear I have through all of this is that I'm going to become "retarded" and it's a fear I can't stop thinking about. Being "smart" is very important for me, and for my family, but this DP makes me feel retarded at times. I know it's not the case, because I have done complex mathematical calculations while feeling extremely DP'd, but it's a feeling I can't shake.

Overall, though, I feel a lot, and I mean a LOT better. I'm not sure whether it's MEDICATION or TIME, but I'm not about to stop the medication (Cipralex and Klonopin) yet, and my psychiatrist has advised to keep the Cipralex for 6 months :X.


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## jimmyb (May 9, 2007)

Hi, I'm on Citalopram which has helped a lot, it has helped me regain reality. What did the doc give you the klonopin for though, was it for your nerves or DR/DP?

Cheers,
Jimmy


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