# Recovered from anxiety based DP !!!



## berrybeau (Jun 17, 2016)

Hi Everyone, I'm Emma from Berry Beau (facebook), from Australia.

I'm not going to lie - it's taken me YEARS to sign up as a member to this forum. I first experienced DP when I was 22 after 7 straight up years of extreme anxiety (up to 15 panic attacks a day). I'm now recovered and brave enough to tell my story at 26 years old.

I'm going to give you the run down on how I removed most of the DP out of my life and how I feel now.

Again - Mine first started from anxiety and I had the FULL monty of symptoms....

I thought I was fake,

I didn't recognise myself in the mirror,

I thought my boyfriend wasn't real,

I thought I was a puppet in gods game,

I thought I was in a coma and stuck and was dreaming my whole life,

I thought the world was going to fall off it's axis at anytime....

I couldn't leave the house, I stayed in my bed and panicked more, I hardly spoke to my friends and I read tonnes of these forums....

I'm not going to lie - it took me 4 years to feel on top of this. I probably only get dp once a month max before my period comes. It doesn't even bother me because it only lasts about 5 mins and I always remind myself that it WILL leave as fast as it came in. I've lived without DP before so I'll live without DP again.

First thing - I found myself a psychologist. A good one. The first guy had NO idea what DP was so I found another awesome psych who knew what it was and we instantly started to work on my anxiety. This was not an overnight change - it took about a year to see results within my anxiety.

I got a hold of my WELLNESS. I now eat a plant based diet with NO dairy, NO eggs, NO gluten and a tiny bit of organic meat here and there for iron. This was HUGE in my anxiety recovery because my body is now equipped and ready to handle any little rocky patch my mind throws at me.

I wrote out affirmations. "I AM SAFE". "I AM WELL". "I AM LOOKED AFTER BY THE UNIVERSE". "I AM WHERE I'M MEANT TO BE." So on and so forth.... I pinned them ALL over the house and said them all the time. They honestly got into my mind and helped me so much.

I also downloaded the smiling mind app and meditated twice a day for about 6 months straight. This was very relaxing and helped me build up my anti-anxiety stores.

I now take a probiotic, fish oil, spirulina, magnesium and a B vitamin complex for my anxiety and mind.

I started YOGA and walking in nature EVERY DAY. DO NOT SKIP THIS. I sometimes get a tad DP'd when I walk in vast open spaces but I just acknowledge the feeling and move right on. It WON'T HURT YOU. I pinky promise. (I know it's hard to believe).

and lastly - My partner is a psychologist - and legally and morally he won't treat me but as he said - we all get a LITTLE DP at times. Everyone does. So if you feel spaced out when you awake from a nap, or see a vast open space or stare at the sky or finish watching a huge epic movie, that's FINE. It's NORMAL (to a degree). I'd often let the NORMAL DP push me back into panic DP! Don't let it.

DP is only a side effect. It's only temporary. It works of fear. It thrives when you panic about having it.

Try your best to get out with friends, play an instrument, do yoga because DISTRACTION is KEY.

Here's my blog from my website on DP if you'd also like to read that.

Feel free to ask me any questions via my facebook page: /berrybeauofficial or berrybeau .com .au

You've got this. I promise. xx

HOW I BECAME A BETTER PERSON//

Depersonalisation is a much less talked about side effect or symptom of anxiety. It's something people would probably never think about, but the minute you experience it, it will turn your WHOLE existence upside down.

Imagine waking up and looking in the mirror and not having a clue who is looking back at you!? Imagine going downstairs in your own home and discovering everything familiar now looks strange!? Imagine telling your boyfriend you're not sure who he is anymore when nothing has changed!? Imagine not quite knowing if you exist or if your whole life is a dream!? This was me, and this is how it happened:

I was 22 and burning the candle at every, single, end. I had an anxiety disorder that I kept trying to push under the rug, I thought I was ugly, I thought everyone hated me, I tried to seek approval for myself through all the wrong avenues, and in turn I bitched about others to hide my own faults. Many of the words I spoke were negative and I didn't know where to turn even though I knew something wasn't right. This continued in a cycle that wasn't positive for me, or anyone else in my life. Some of this behaviour was learned, some of it was habitual, and some of it was a cover up for anxiety attacks. I'd clutch onto ANYTHING I could to try and distract myself from panic.

This all came to a screaming halt at a gig one night. I was about to go on stage when I just knew I couldn't take one step further. I didn't know who the person was putting make up on in the mirror (myself). I felt like an alien in my own body - I just broke down and cried. I cried for about 3 weeks straight after this gig. Thankfully, my band was SO good with me that night - they comforted me with hugs and compassion which started the healing journey right there and then.

The healing process was long, I thought about suicide, I thought about running away from my life, I mucked around with self harm - all very confronting. But as the weeks went on I knew I had to try everything I could to get better. When I was weak, each day my wonderful boyfriend pulled this crying girl out of her bed to eat a breakfast he prepared. He took me out for a walk and held my hand while I was scared that the earth would fall off its axis. He helped me write out affirmations and everything in-between. To say I'm lucky to have this help is an understatement.

3 years later, I'm better. Yes, unfortunately I still get panic attacks, unfortunately the depersonalisation has not completely vanished BUT - I'm SO GLAD I crashed. How strange does that sound&#8230;.? I'm glad because maybe I never would have learned compassion, maybe I never would have learned to meditate, to do yoga, to eat better, to love people more, to think positively, and to look deeper into myself and who I want to be.

I used to feel this 'out of body experience' 24/7. A year on I felt it maybe 5 days a week. 2 years on from that I will get DP for maybe 2 minutes a day, and in recent months I've probably experienced depersonalisation only 3 times for maybe about 5 minuets at a time (a HUGE difference). I've started driving again, going shopping alone again etc. etc etc. What a weight lifted off my shoulders!

The point of this blog is: not all hard times are bad times in the end. I'm glad I went through the hard times to get to where I am today.

If you have depersonalisation or derealisation, please don't hesitate to contact me, but first of all contact your doctor - mine had no CLUE what depersonalization was but they steered me in the right direction of a great psychologist who didn't help my depersonalisation, but helped me to lower the anxiety which in turn lowered the DP (it's all a big circle). If I can help anyone, I'd love try and do so.

And if you do have DP or DR right now - I want to say something to you;

whether you believe it or not right now;

YOU WILL GET BETTER.

IT CANNOT STAY AROUND FOREVER (remember the times before you had it?)

YOU ARE SAFE.

And I PROMISE - NOTHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN BECAUSE OF DP.

I would have NEVER believed the above statements but it happened to me. I promise you'll get through this.

X x x

A great place to reach out for anxiety (and depersonalisation) help is Beyond Blue, your doctor, or call in directly to a psychologist - all of these services can help you start your mental healing journey.


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## sunjet (Nov 21, 2014)

Congrats 

So in few words : PBD (plant-based diet), meditation, distraction and alot of positiv thinking?

Im curious if you had that feeling when "entering" reality during recovery that something is still off, like a lingering feelingin the background thats 24/24/7 but not dissociating or feeling alien.

And did you had perios of constant Ddpdr without feeling anxious


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## Mansoor (Jun 17, 2016)

Well after 7 months of reading others post i have personally made my account just for ur post,
I've been draling with just Derealization DR it's been 7 months now.
To the point(Im having the same feelings as u described
All the time i feel something is missing like 24/7 there is something missing. I do feel DR BUT NO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND IT IS THERE. No existional thoughts i someties feel that i am at 95% but still something is missning like there is a wall between reality and dr


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## berrybeau (Jun 17, 2016)

Thanks Sunjet.

Hmmm I wouldn't say it was just those few things - TIME had so much to do with my recovery as well. Learning to lessen the panic attacks in turn lessened the DP. My mind needed time to recover. I moved home to the country from a busy city which helped my recovery a lot too - it helped me to relax.

I got DP from anxiety so naturally, anything that lessened the anxiety = lessened the DP.

I didn't really have a spark plug moment when I realized my DP was gone like some people. It just kept lessening and I'd distract myself with activities and forget I had DP for longer and longer periods of time over the years. Distraction is VERY helpful. Even if I only had a minute break I'd consider it a win. Now I hardly think of it.

I certainly did have periods of 24/7 DP without panic attacks; it REALLY freaked me out - but as I kept on my yoga, good health and immersed myself in activities it started to disappear.

I honestly thought I'd have it forever - 4 years later I'm well ! Now I know the secrets to DP I don't believe I'll have it again!

I promise you'll get better . I really do.



sunjet said:


> Congrats
> 
> So in few words : PBD (plant-based diet), meditation, distraction and alot of positiv thinking?
> 
> ...


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## berrybeau (Jun 17, 2016)

Mansoor said:


> Well after 7 months of reading others post i have personally made my account just for ur post,
> I've been draling with just Derealization DR it's been 7 months now.
> To the point(Im having the same feelings as u described
> All the time i feel something is missing like 24/7 there is something missing. I do feel DR BUT NO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND IT IS THERE. No existional thoughts i someties feel that i am at 95% but still something is missning like there is a wall between reality and dr


Thanks Mansoor,

I really think you're getting close to recovery if you can feel 95% better. I had DP SO BAD for about a year and a half. After that I was stuck at 95% better for about 2 1/2 years and now it's pretty much gone!! You're getting there! Keep going. I promise you'll be better soon.


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## Mansoor (Jun 17, 2016)

I dnt know Man but im bot loosing hope i am Determined at least im alive i have my family i have friends.. Sometimes o feel soo much excitement without any reason whenever i feel real again for some moments u knw 100% real for some time then back to 90% again..
I THINK IM IN RECOVERY PERIOD. Time is a good healer my friend. Im possitive and Doing all my activities like doing my MBA FROM UNIVERISTY AND DRIVING CAR TALK TO MY FRIENDS HANGOUT INSPITE OF HAVIN IT. 
Just last thing: i feel like there is something missing all the time 24/7 something is Missing and I don't overcome this missing feeling. But i dont have any existional thoughts about life or World is weired etc i had them before but not now.


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## Mandaaa101 (Jun 18, 2016)

Same. Just feeling like there is a wall between me and the world.


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## Luna_ (Dec 2, 2015)

I agree!! great post


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## Kitten123 (Mar 2, 2016)

Beautiful post.

Thank you.


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