# Dating with DP/DR.



## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

So today after a short series of surprising and weird events, I was nearly indirectly asked out by a guy on the bus. He said that he thinks I'm cute and as of now, he has my phone number and says that he's going to call me later today. While I am flattered and excited by this, there is a part of me that thinks that he is lying and this is all a joke on me (the girl sitting next to me told me these things after I witnessed them watching porn on one of their phones). But even if he's 100% serious, I'm not sure if I should because I don't know how my parents would deal with this and because I don't know what he would think of me having mental illness if I tell him.

I'm also hesitant because I got DP/DR after going through a severe and long grieving period after breaking up with a girlfriend. I'm not sure how I would react if we end up breaking up if we ever actually do date. If anyone here has dated and dealt with DP/DR during the relationship, can you please tell me about how it was like?


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## Confusedandtired (Aug 11, 2015)

I think you should go for it and see where it ends up. The only bad thing that can happen is that he ends up being not interested and you go on. The good things that can happen are too numerous to list and might be the start of a great relationship that pulls you out of DP/DR.

I've been in your shoes before. I went through a bad breakup with a long time girlfriend who left me for no reason. I was nearly better from DP/DR and that plunged me right back into it.

By mental illness what do you mean? DP/DR or something else? If it's nothing severely disabling than I wouldn't worry. Also I definitely wouldn't make that the first thing you mention. If a relationship does seem to work than build up more of a connection, than you can tell them about your mental illness. By that time they will have realized that if they didn't notice or care before, than they have no reason to do so in the future.

I suffer from OCD and also DP/DR; while I know that some people label themselves as ill I try not to do that. Yes I have to deal with more shit than normal people like many of us. But the second we let it interfere with us and block something good from happening is when we let it win. Don't let it win!

While I'm not actively pursuing finding another girlfriend, if I do meet someone I like I will not hesitate to pursue them and I will try my absolute hardest to not let DP/DR get in the way. I believe that one of the meanings of life is to experience it with someone you love and build connections that transcend death. Best of luck and see where it takes you!


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## Anonymity (Jul 8, 2013)

You're 14 years old. Dating naive and inexperienced, especially as a lady can be very stressful and nerve wracking, although much rewarding. I wouldn't recommend doing so unless you feel 'fit' for the experience. If you don't feel in control of your emotions, then you are allowing your feelings to be controlled by someone else. I would figure out the root of your DP, fix what it is that is causing you to feel this way, then once you are comfortable being yourself, explore the world and people. Just my 2 cents... do as you please... GL.


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## jotteff (Aug 11, 2015)

My DP started last year in June, a few days after my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. *But:* Breaking up with her was not a problem for me at all because I never really loved her and I just had her because I wanted to have a girlfriend. The real problem was probably another girl I was in a relationship with before. I loved und missed her all the time, even while I had this other girl. A few weeks after this one girl I did not love broke up with me, I started a relationship with this girl I loved all the time while I already had DP. I knew it was a mistake to start a second relationship with her, because she had already disappointed me in our first relationship and she is simply a bad person and an extreme liar. Anyway, we broke up in November last year because I found out what a b***h she was, but I know she has mental problems as well because her mother died when she was 9 years old. During our relationship I even told her about my DP and she was acting as if she was worried, but I know she was not taking it serious at all. I do not love her anymore but she has really left a mark on me and today I think she might be a reason why I have DP.

Since we broke up in November last year, I did not date a girl until last month. In early August I had a first date that was cool but I knew she was not fitting. So I dated another girl in mid-August which is now my girlfriend and she is fantastic. She is exactly what I want and need in a girl, and I know that I love her but because of my DP I am just not able to feel that feeling of "love" that I used to get when I fell in love with a girl. It sounds paradoxical: I know I love her, but I cannot feel that typical feeling of love.

No, I did not tell her about my DP yet.

Yes, I am afraid she might not understand it and think I am some kind of psycho.

No, I do not know how I will feel if she will break up with me because I really need her and I do not want to lose her.

But: You should definitely date somebody, *but first make sure he is serious, and do not be naive! That might hurt you!*

Nevertheless it is very helpful to have a nice partner at your side in such negative periods of life. It might help you and distract you from your DP.

My best wishes for you!


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## meltdowner (Jan 14, 2015)

With the right person, DP can become a whole lot easier. With the wrong person..its just a recipe for disaster. It really helps for me if the person im dating has been through something themselves, it makes them a lot more accepting and less judgemental and willing to cope with you. Although I did find if you throw DP and everything on them to the point where they have to cope with your symptoms and take care of you all the time..that could cause problems..

to be honest though my girlfriend doesnt talk much about my DP so she doesnt baby my condition and i like it that way..i know shes always open to talk about it and is always accepting of it so it doesnt matter to me. her actions speak louder than words i guess.

sorry i cant offer much advice, i just began the real dating of an on and off 1 year and half online relationship..but id be happy to update this comment another time


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## Amina_x (Nov 22, 2014)

Honestly the biggest thing is to guard your heart and to not get attached. If it wasn't meant to be it won't last long. For all you know this could be a month long relationship and the process won't hurt as much as it did with your ex girlfriend. If he judges you for having mental illness you want someone better than that anyway... Just keep in mind that there is someone out there perfect for you that will treat you exactly how you need and who will accept the darkest parts of you... And even, love you for it. I can't tell you when or how you will find this person but I can tell you that you will probably go through a lot of learning experience to find out what exactly your looking for and what characteristics work best for you. With all this being said, don't hesitate to take a chance but in the situation be very keen on what is going on in the relationship and be sure to ask yourself, "Is this what I am looking for?"


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## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

Hello, everyone! I'm sorry that I didn't get to you guys sooner, but thank you all for sharing your input with me. At this point, I'm starting to think that he is playing a joke on me and I think that he's dating the girl on the bus who told me that he likes me. But it's fine. Besides, I'm attracted to someone else that I know.


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## servadei (Aug 20, 2015)

How can you feel attracted to other people? I just keep thinking how's everybody weird. Dating and having boyfriend/husband and one day kids freaks me out.. (It didn't before)
Any tips?


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## JayB (Apr 6, 2015)

Dating is a good idea but maybe not when you are in an acute dp phase. And i've seen a couple of people in here using the term ''mental illness''. Dp is not an illness.


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## seafoamocean (Sep 27, 2015)

DP has made socializing extremely hard for me, so I haven't really dated, even though I work all the time...


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## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

servadei said:


> How can you feel attracted to other people? I just keep thinking how's everybody weird. Dating and having boyfriend/husband and one day kids freaks me out.. (It didn't before)
> Any tips?


To be honest, I'm not sure how I do it either. There are these sides of me that find other human beings (especially ones in relationships) to be oblivious things to an impending doom, but at the same time, I love things that could happen in the future. I'd like to help you out, but could you clarify how the idea of dating/marriage/etc. freaks you out?



JayB said:


> Dating is a good idea but maybe not when you are in an acute dp phase. And i've seen a couple of people in here using the term ''mental illness''. Dp is not an illness.


Okay. By the way, what do you mean by an 'acute DP phase'? Do you mean by acute periods of DP? And I understand. I'll try not to refer to it as that. Are there any other words that I can use to refer to DP/DR as?



seafoamocean said:


> DP has made socializing extremely hard for me, so I haven't really dated, even though I work all the time...


I understand how that is, but then again, I've never really been a social person anyways. Do you plan on ever dating, if you feel like you can?


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## JayB (Apr 6, 2015)

By acute DP phase, i mean a phase when you feel too terrified by life in general. I think it's better to wait that your anxiety level drops down a bit. To talk about dp you can just say ''depersonalization'' or ''depersonalization symptoms''. Or you can say ''disorder'' if you meet the criterias for the disorder (don't self-diagnose yourself though)


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## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

JayB said:


> By acute DP phase, i mean a phase when you feel too terrified by life in general. I think it's better to wait that your anxiety level drops down a bit. To talk about dp you can just say ''depersonalization'' or ''depersonalization symptoms''. Or you can say ''disorder'' if you meet the criterias for the disorder (don't self-diagnose yourself though)


I see. Thank you for explaining this to me. While I haven't officially been diagnosed, I meet a lot of the criteria for having it. I have yet to be diagnosed with it or anything else this Tuesday.


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