# Why do I feel "stuck" in first person view?



## Glassjawx

After my 2-week long experience with depersonalization/anxiety-fueled near-psychosis (I don't what to call it, but it was fucking horrible) - I feel different. The anxiety subsided and is now minimal. I take .5mg Xanax as needed, and it definitely helps.

However, I still have this weird feeling that I'm stuck inside myself - I feel disconnected from my surroundings, and to really try and focus on one thing makes me anxious. I can never fully relax. It's like I don't feel comfortable seeing through my own two eyes...sometimes, I'll look at my hands and it's the strangest thing. I question who I am, what I am - I get this weird sensation that I'm living in a first-person shooter or something. Of course, this makes me anxious. It's hard to explain - it's like my eyes are just cameras. I don't feel my surroundings like a human being should. I'm wondering what could cause this - Depression? Anxiety? The complete death of ego that I endured? Maybe depersonalization is still affecting me, in a more subtle way?

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I have an appointment with a psychiatrist soon and will likely be prescribed Lexapro or another SSRI. I'm scared to take it. I've heard varying things about SSRI's on this site. Who can share their experiences with Lexapro or any other SSRI's? Could it worsen my condition? What are the possibilities?


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## Glassjawx

I guess some relevant questions to follow up that post would be -

Is it possible to have depersonalization with minimal anxiety?

Is it possible to feel things like happiness, sadness, excitement, boredom and so on and still experience symptoms of depersonalization?

What are the different levels of depersonalization? What are it's complexities and subtleties?

Hoping for a response tonight...thanks for taking the time to read.


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## Magrathea

Glassjawx said:


> I get this weird sensation that I'm living in a first-person shooter or something. Of course, this makes me anxious. It's hard to explain - it's like my eyes are just cameras. I don't feel my surroundings like a human being should.


That sounds exactly like dp / dr to me and almost exactly how i would describe the condition; a complete and total absense of atmosphere in experience that makes everything either feel like a dream or like your experience is taking place in a cardboard stage set. A mind that is not depersonalised gets a continuous, subtle emotional feedback from everything it sees, even when nothing of consequence is taking place; you look at curtains and the mind recieves a 'curtainy' sensation made up a complex web of emotional asociations. This web of asociations is what makes your experience feel real and without it everything just feels like images on a screen inside your head. Being dped is VERY disconcerting and I seriously doubt that someone who has not experienced dp could imagine what this is like or even identify the component in ther own experience that is missing from a dped person's experience. However, it is also perfectly normal and you can recover. Yes, it is possible to have dp with minimal conscious anxiety. When i had dp, I never felt happy or lonely. I didn't miss the company of others because i didn't enjoy the company of others in the same general way i did when i wasn't dped. People became very hard work.


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## Spadde

When I first took SSRI I felt like shit the first 2-3 days, thats when it started to kick in(its supposed to feel like shit apperently), after that I started getting a bit better.

I think I couldve done it without SSRI but theres no way to know now.

Everyone has different results


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## Jason79

I feel Exactly, 100% like you. Been thinking about it all day and then saw your post. wondering why I feel stuck in the perspective that one could ever have. It's only one we have ever known (seeing through one's own yes) but now I feel like I'm missing 1-2 perspectives. Can't get out. Horrible, horrible feeling.

Don't understand it.


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## Glassjawx

Jason, you described it well. I'm surprised I actually found someone who relates to this feeling. It's hard to describe.

I've lived my entire life through my own two eyes - from this perspective - I've experienced every moment this way. Everyone who has ever lived, is alive, and ever will live, will live their lives through their own two eyes. Why does it now seem so strange, and so limited, to live from this perspective? It's the only perspective I've ever known. Why am I uncomfortable with it? I've reasoned that it's an inner problem - disassociation? Severe depression? PTSD, from the first (pot-induced) experience with depersonalization? What could cause this trapped feeling?

This is why I question if I'm still depersonalized. My prior experiences with dp have been so extreme, so terrifying and awful that I couldn't even function. I couldn't sleep or eat, the world around me was just fucking unreal. The concept of emotion, the concept of ANYTHING made no sense. I just wanted out...and I got out. But not entirely, it feels like. I can function now. I can joke around, I can feel excitement. I can hold a conversation. I can play video games and watch TV. Basically, I can handle reality. Still, I don't feel like myself...it feels like dp took a huge piece of me. My spirit is crushed. I contemplate suicide. Often.

This "stuck" feeling really is shit. Trapped inside my own eyes. What the fuck is that? Will it go away? It seems to be my only problem now - the only thing holding me back from feeling 100% again.


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## Hannah12

YES! Ahah sorry  I feel exactly the same way!


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## Glassjawx

I just spent nearly an hour trying to tie a noose with a jump-rope but I'm too fucking stupid to figure it out. It's thin rope and it won't lay flat on any surface.

I suppose if I really wanted to die, my inability to tie a noose wouldn't stop me. I don't want to die. I want to be a part of this world. I want myself back. I feel so ruined. Sometimes I feel like I've already died...just kill the body...let the flesh die as well.

I'm not sure if I'm depersonalized to any degree anymore. But I'm certainly not okay. Suppressing my anxiety with meds everyday. Thinking of death. And this strange feeling of being trapped in one perspective has not faded like I thought it would. I'm fucking traumatized.

I am broken. Stolen. Murdered. Trapped. Will I ever breathe easy? How can I get my "sight" back?


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## Glassjawx

Any educated response as to what these feelings could be attributed to? I'm starting to think I'm just masking depersonalization and anxiety with Xanax.


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## Glassjawx

I was considering starting an entirely new topic on Xanax, but the information in my initial post here about it seems like enough to carry on with...so I'm prescribed .5mg, recommended (loosely, by a nurse practitioner who I spoke with for less than 5 minutes) 3 times a day.

I don't stick to a schedule with it...I take it as needed. Pretty much as soon as I start to feel like I can't catch my breath or calm down, I down one. The strange thing is, I'm not sure if it actually helps or if it's a placebo effect. It's almost as if taking the pill is the physical equivalent of telling myself that everything will be okay. "You've taken the Xanax, you're fine now."

If they were just sugar pills, and I thought they were Xanax, I think I'd feel the exact same. So, should I just quit? The only reason I don't , is (as stated in my last post) that I fear I'm just masking depersonalization with it. I fear that if I stop entirely, all at once, I'll suddenly fall into hell again. And I think I'm now realizing that that's bullshit.

What should I do? Stop all at once? I've only been taking it for a couple weeks. Is that long enough to develop a dependence to where I'll feel withdrawal? Again, I don't take it more than twice a day usually. Each day is different, and .5mg I understand is a relatively small dose.

I'd appreciate a response from anyone who has any kind of experience with Xanax, and also a response/attempted explanation for my earlier posts would be appreciated.


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## CharlieFreak

You have emotional problems that can be resolved and need to be resolved. Drugs will help you feel slightly better but they will never get rid of problems in your life. For example (which is not related to DP), if you are upset because you hate a certain food you can block your nose and eat it and it will be easier to deal with, but it won't change the fact that you hate that food. Taking medication is like that, it just makes it easier to deal with. You gotta figure out why you got DP in the first place. It takes a lot of work, but the anxiety and the strange "point of view feeling" will subside once you figure out your emotional issues. You are probably really hurt man. Be honest with yourself! Cry about what makes you sad in your life. Do what you can to connect with your emotions.. but take it slow. It can be a lot to handle at first. I hope the best for you


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## CharlieFreak

And look through some of the blogs here. People have some great insight about this stuff. In the past couple of months It has completely changed how I view this condition and how I feel.


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## Hannah12

Does anyone have any ways to deal with this. I'm in school at the moment and i freak out in class and it's all i think about for the whole day. Good luck to everyone


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## Coolio1231

I´ve got EXACTLY the same problem right now.Actually i´m glad that i´m not the only one who got this Problem.

I know this is an old Thread,but does somebody know how to feel normal again? I can´t even imagine feeling normal right now..

Its like i want to see my self from outside,because i feel comfortable in this"first person perspektive",I mean this is totally normal,why does it freaking my out?

I got suicidial thoughts also..


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## derrrr

Coolio1231 said:


> I´ve got EXACTLY the same problem right now.Actually i´m glad that i´m not the only one who got this Problem.
> 
> I know this is an old Thread,but does somebody know how to feel normal again? I can´t even imagine feeling normal right now..
> 
> Its like i want to see my self from outside,because i feel comfortable in this"first person perspektive",I mean this is totally normal,why does it freaking my out?
> 
> I got suicidial thoughts also..


For me anyways, a) keep anxiety/worry at bay and b ) distracting yourself makes this hyper awareness/first-person thing go away. And you have to be diligent about it, otherwise this awareness sticks around.


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## Tim Couch 1999

Can't believe I found someone else who has this problem. You're describing it the exact same way I would, with phrases like "everything I have ever known has been from this perspective, but now it seems limiting." That's verbatim what I've been thinking to myself lately. I've actually been trying to find someone else on the internet who has this same problem for a while now, but wasn't able to find anything close. Then I finally searched "stuck in first person view." Glad to see I'm not the only one.

I've had what I believe to be DP for a month now. Awful experience. It manifests itself in different ways, but the main source of anxiety with all of the different forms is the feeling of no escape, or being trapped. I'm not going to get into what was causing me to feel trapped so I don't trigger anything, but what I went through the first week or so was the absolute worst. A part of me feared that I wouldn't make it much longer because I was so miserable. But it passed and things got better. Not cured, but definitely better. But here I am now with this feeling of being stuck in first person vision, and it's kind of like I'm back to where I was in the beginning. Incredible amount of pain, and just an overall dark feeling. It's not 24/7 but it's there a lot of the time. I'm not suicidal or anything, but I fear it could get to that point if things were to never get better.

I have reason to believe that this feeling of being stuck in first person will pass, but I can't help but worry that it won't. Anyways, I gotta ask the question that everyone with DP asks: how are you feeling now? Do you still have this problem?


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## Dragonz

You still have derealization.stuck in your head with that view of the world.suicidal thoughts.im like this constantly.i think about ending it everyday but never seem to do it.i want to live but this condition makes you think the worst.i think these thoughts are just part of it.if you have dp beat already then this will be your last step to being back to who your supposed to be.im finding it very hard but still(i dont know how) get through each day.
Please dont let this horrible bastard of 
A condition ever cheat you out of living your life.we all feel so alone but we are in this together.


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## Dragonz

Both my brothers had this years ago and completely recovered and have happy lives.1 of them at one stage thought he was living in a video game.he just laughs about it now.


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## georgev89

Jesus Christ, I thought I was the only one with this fucking scarry thought...I mean it`s real, but why am I thinking of it? I lived my life in the same perspective, and it was good, I didn`t care about...until this question arise in my head.It was like I`m stuck in my head with the eyes and I only see in a FP mode, but I can`t see myself and I think that this will last forever...I`m not that anxious about it, but it somehow scares me and the thought that reacts the "spirit state" is always anxious to announce me: "hey, don`t forget your mood, your perspective"...Fuck! Did you guys managed to pass this shitty experience?


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## Tyree225

I have a hunch that dpdr is the result of a combination of things. For instance these thoughts that we all have of suicide or of being in a alternative reality or the thought of your body feels disconnected from your brain like I have. What if it's all part of OCD? Also I'd like to address that it could be due to subconscious anxiety. For instance even when you don't presently feel anxiety because us as humans need an understanding of what something is to wrap our heads around it so we think of anxiety as a feeling of fear which leads to physical symptoms such as heart palpitations sweating or nausea, so what if we're feeling subconscious anxiety without physical symptoms or fear? Sort of like a silent panic if that makes since? So perhaps each and everyone of us regardless of which two combinations all suffer from DP for those reasons whether it be intrusive thoughts OCD, overwhelming fear anxiety, panic attacks where depersonalization is present momentarily, I mean think about it you consciously have to be focusing on the problem itself in order to feel the effects I mean you don't feel depersonalized when you are sleeping or distracted. Or I should say filthy overwhelming effects of it but yet you still fill it subconsciously no matter what you do, therefore it must be subconscious anxiety. People can develop mental illnesses without genetics trauma or environmental factors. And because so little is known not just about DP but anxiety depression PTSD and OCD that these truly are the causes. I mean look up any of these mental disabilities and I guarantee you every single one of them will come to the same conclusion that they don't know what causes it. I truly believe if we all seek therapy 2 better establish a hard past we would more than likely benefit from the therapy causing less subconscious anxiety leading to a full recovery


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## CamiCat

georgev89 said:


> Jesus Christ, I thought I was the only one with this fucking scarry thought...I mean it`s real, but why am I thinking of it? I lived my life in the same perspective, and it was good, I didn`t care about...until this question arise in my head.It was like I`m stuck in my head with the eyes and I only see in a FP mode, but I can`t see myself and I think that this will last forever...I`m not that anxious about it, but it somehow scares me and the thought that reacts the "spirit state" is always anxious to announce me: "hey, don`t forget your mood, your perspective"...Fuck! Did you guys managed to pass this shitty experience?


I feel the same


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## zigman

Has anyone survived this? I once lived through this phase, but quarantine made stuff bad..


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## Saschasascha

I have survived this. Im not cured of DP but once you become more in touch with your emotions again, things will get better and you will feel that sense of being a living body more.


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## jc

exactly how i described myself to my dr 30 years ago .........


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## Tomás Ruiz

I've felt this strongly before and still have it from time to time but never as strong. When I had it at the worst peak, talking to anyone, even my closest friends or going outside my bedroom was a living nightmare, as if everything I was seeing didn't make sense and felt like it was sort of non physical and just a light mist that I couldn't relate to physically. Also felt like I was just a mind floating in an alien world I didn't belong in and felt like my body was so weak that my legs were gonna give out at any moment.
At the worst moments it felt as if my visual field was vibrating and everything I looked at was so horrifying and hostile. Also, every time I go outside the thought that everyone but my self can look at my face is so uncomfortable, even though 99,9% of my life I cant see my face. Also feel like I lack peripheral vision.
In my case I think it has a little bit to do with my Aiperophobia (fear of infinity/eternity). (I would elaborate on that but lets keep it short)
I've never felt like myself since then (or even before that to be honest) and the only thing that keeps me at peace are cigarettes. I feel lonely because I feel like I can no longer relate to any of my best friends or even my twin brother, as someone above in this discussion said, every interaction with people seems like hard work, even though I've always been known to be pretty talkative and always the funny guy, but now I feel so uncomfortable and scared all the time that I can't even hold a normal conversation without questioning what the f*ck am I doing.
But, if theres one conclusion that has helped me the most is that no matter how hard this first person view problem or depersonalisation is, there's going to come a day when I die and all of this will disappear and I wont have to suffer from this no more, so until that day comes and gonna give my biggest effort to be happy even though sometimes I feels impossible and just dumb.


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## Kandil21

I have this exact feeling , last 3 months I was suffering from depression , ocd and derelization until I took meds and it became a bit better until I got this 1st person view feeling. It feels like it's impossible to return to my normal life. I can't help but think about everything surrounding me. It feels like I don't even know or care about myself. And not just that , there are other questions/feelings that start to arise like I think about every other persons pov and how they live and just exisitential thoughts.(like what even am I? , am I insignificant? , who are these people around me? I also get overwhelmed and at the same time I'm emotionless).

Everytime I try to snap back from it and encourge myself to pursue my goals and ambitions once again , I feel like something pulls me back , feeling uninterested in life as the thoughts continue. Has anyone from this disscusion got any better? It might give me hope.


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## Tim Couch 1999

Sorry for the late response, everyone. Yes I was able to get past this. If you're someone experiencing this for the first time, you will be fine. I still experience it from time to time, but it's never like the horror that I experienced the first time. This episode actually made me believe that my DP/DR is a form of Pure OCD. The main source of my anxiety always changes after a certain amount of time. For example, at one point it was this first person view thing, but then it always moves on to something else. Realizing this changed the way I look at DP/DR altogether.


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## jasserhca

Glassjawx said:


> After my 2-week long experience with depersonalization/anxiety-fueled near-psychosis (I don't what to call it, but it was fucking horrible) - I feel different. The anxiety subsided and is now minimal. I take .5mg Xanax as needed, and it definitely helps.
> 
> However, I still have this weird feeling that I'm stuck inside myself - I feel disconnected from my surroundings, and to really try and focus on one thing makes me anxious. I can never fully relax. It's like I don't feel comfortable seeing through my own two eyes...sometimes, I'll look at my hands and it's the strangest thing. I question who I am, what I am - I get this weird sensation that I'm living in a first-person shooter or something. Of course, this makes me anxious. It's hard to explain - it's like my eyes are just cameras. I don't feel my surroundings like a human being should. I'm wondering what could cause this - Depression? Anxiety? The complete death of ego that I endured? Maybe depersonalization is still affecting me, in a more subtle way?
> 
> s
> 
> I have an appointment with a psychiatrist soon and will likely be prescribed Lexapro or another SSRI. I'm scared to take it. I've heard varying things about SSRI's on this site. Who can share their experiences with Lexapro or any other SSRI's? Could it worsen my condition? What are the possibilities?


dude i hope u are doing better now cause i am at your spot at the moment hahaha i know its been nearly 10 years but i need to know if u managed or am i gonna be this fucked up for a long time


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