# Stranger to myself



## enroutetopeace (Nov 30, 2016)

Hey guys.

So one of my strongest symptoms is feeling like a stranger to myself. I feel so uncomfortable and foreign on my own body.. everything around me feels fake and unreal, and it makes me panic. I feel like I'm slowly but surely losing my identity, every single day. I feel sooo confused about who I am, so unsure of myself. And my sleep has been horrible.. every time I lay down to go to sleep, I close my eyes, and random nonsensical thoughts appear in my head. It makes it so hard to fall asleep.. like random phrases and words just keep going through my mind, it's crazy. Lots of lucid dreaming and false awakenings, too. I just feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm truly terrified... can anyone relate?


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Hi my main symptom is no self left had it for 1 yr i deel like a completely different person from dp so i know how stuck you feel all i can say is hang in there in July last year my sense of self completely come back then ocd hit me again so dp come back .. so theres hope it goes away


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## enroutetopeace (Nov 30, 2016)

Thanks for your reply. Yeah, this is such a difficult thing to deal with. DP makes you feel so lonely and far away from everyone else.. but tons of people recover all the time. We can too. I just hate the strong feeling of not knowing who I am, like feeling like a stranger to myself.. when I walk and talk and move around it feels so foreign.


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## Billy D.P. (Apr 12, 2016)

There's a book about DP with this same title. Haven't read it yet but perhaps it can offer a glimpse of hope to others out there: https://www.amazon.com/Stranger-My-Self-Depersonalization-Epidemic/dp/0615385230

Your symptoms are pretty standard. I've felt the same way plenty of times, although I've noticed that underlying stress can make them much worse. You might try and examine your life to see if there's anything -- and I mean anything, no matter how small -- that could be exacerbating your problems. If so, eliminate it ASAP as you're health should always be your No. 1 priority.


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Yeah its my worst dp symptom as well i use to remember what i use to feel like but i cant anymore . Its a bizarre feeling to explain isnt it ? I dont know who iam at all from dp its horrible ive had dp 1 yr this month it did completely go away for nearly 2 weeks in mid july last yr , it was absolutely wonderful i felt ME again and i can tell you it really does feel NORMAL again so im hanging in there and so must you because it does go away . Keep busy even if you feel so odd it seems impossible but just live life like normal dont let this crap win


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## seizedbydivine (Jan 27, 2017)

My unreality seems to come and go. No rhyme or reason either. One hour I feel connected and then the next I don't. The only trigger seems to be some anxiety thinking.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

allison84,

did you have the blank mind dp, from which you previously recovered from? If so, may I ask how you recovered?


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## seizedbydivine (Jan 27, 2017)

I am starting to wonder if we have this whole thing backwards. That is, when we say we are connected, perhaps we are actually disconnected! And vice-versa. Connected to what??? This crazy world. I hope not. Maybe when we "disconnect" (which is actually our body/mind reconnecting to itself) THAT is the real world.


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## enroutetopeace (Nov 30, 2016)

My worst symptom is just fear of going crazy or losing touch with reality forever. It's hard to function while feeling like such a stranger to my own home and body.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

enroutetopeace said:


> Hey guys.
> 
> So one of my strongest symptoms is feeling like a stranger to myself. I feel so uncomfortable and foreign on my own body.. everything around me feels fake and unreal, and it makes me panic. I feel like I'm slowly but surely losing my identity, every single day. I feel sooo confused about who I am, so unsure of myself. And my sleep has been horrible.. every time I lay down to go to sleep, I close my eyes, and random nonsensical thoughts appear in my head. It makes it so hard to fall asleep.. like random phrases and words just keep going through my mind, it's crazy. Lots of lucid dreaming and false awakenings, too. I just feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm truly terrified... can anyone relate?


100% yes


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I have this and I feel absolutely dreadful today, god i just can't take it no more.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

My biggest fear is that I am going to go completely and utterly crazy like this girl said, and just loose the plot. I feel that this will happen.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

BIG question: How we do know if this is DP/DR or Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)...or both??


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## enroutetopeace (Nov 30, 2016)

I don't have multiple identities


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## enroutetopeace (Nov 30, 2016)

We'd have distinct identities


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I don't know if I have multiple identities. How drastic does it have to be to quality for being a "separate" identity?

I do feel like I am in conflict with myself many, many times.

Is anybody here experiencing a total loss of SELF? I thought that was a core feature of DID (but I may be wrong). Is that a common symptom of DP/DR.

thanks crew x


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> Is anybody here experiencing a total loss of SELF? I thought that was a core feature of DID (but I may be wrong). Is that a common symptom of DP/DR.


Yeah, I think that's common, especially with blank mind dp.


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## derrrr (Dec 7, 2016)

With DP, a loss of sense of self and personhood seems to be a pretty telling sign. A total loss of self seems a misnomer, though.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

it is a common symptom of dp, and while I have not personally experienced DID, I have been close to others who have. and I can tell you, it is very very distinct when they switch. it's not a subtle change like the difference between how someone behaves towards a cashier vs towards their best friend. the easiest "tell" for me has been distinct typing patterns, as most of my communication is typed. for example, friend A also has B and C hanging out in his brain. A types a certain way, and A is usually the one I'm talking to. B has much more formal language, apologizes more in a single conversation than A ever has in his life (and says "I apologize" instead of "sorry"). C can't get themself to slow down enough to type coherently, so I have to do a lot of guessing. these different typing styles do connect back to their different personality traits, as well. and even when A makes a conscious effort to replicate the typing of B or C, if A hasn't switched one of them in, it's still clearly an attempt at replication.

in order for depersonalization disorder to flip over to the dissociative identity disorder page, there has to be another identity present. like, someone else has to sit in the driver's seat while you're in the back, as opposed to it being a self-driving car.


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## enroutetopeace (Nov 30, 2016)

Trust me. I am currently experiencing and intense loss of the self. I don't know who I am, I feel distant from my actions, from the life I'm living, from who I am, from my memories and even my own home. When I'm moving around, or cooking dinner, or showering I feel so "off" and distant. DID literally consists of different personalities, each personality having their own traits and habits. It'd be very evident that you're switching between different "people". Depersonalized people are extremely self aware and constantly questioning every move they make in fear of changes in their state of being, in fear of psychosis, and due to the discomfort of this state of being. I don't think this can develop into anything more severe.


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## enroutetopeace (Nov 30, 2016)

An intense loss of the self ****


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## enroutetopeace (Nov 30, 2016)

The loss of self is common, which makes sense because we're detached from reality. So of course we feel detached from ourselves. It's not only a factor of DID.


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## enroutetopeace (Nov 30, 2016)

What are your guys' most difficult symptoms to cope with on a day to day or common basis? If you don't mind sharing. And I don't mind sharing either!


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## seizedbydivine (Jan 27, 2017)

My most common symptom is drowsiness. I feel soooooo sleepy a lot of the time. Like I have weights on every muscle. I fight to keep my eyes open.


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## adilx750 (Dec 28, 2016)

I feel like some another person is talking doing thing's etc somehow I can relate to this.I feel so fake doing everyday things


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## adilx750 (Dec 28, 2016)

my dp symptoms such as feeling strange to my own identity run a wave of panic and anxiety


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