# Taking on other peoples stuff/scapegoating/shadow



## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Thought this article was pretty relevant to a few things we have been talking about recently. Thought it was pretty interesting about how they think when you get scapegoated for your families problems you take on a sort of saviour role, which would need to be dropped to recover.
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/healing-inner-scapegoat/

"This is the second of three articles on: 1) what Jung called the Shadow, 2) the Scapegoat phenomenon in families, groups, countries, and the inner family, 3) how Voice Dialogue (a cutting edge therapeutic, coaching, and personal growth method) can transform these potentially perilous, destructive aspects of the human condition to a journey of creative fulfillment, "extreme well-being," and evolved consciousness.

"From earliest childhood, Savannah had chosen to bear the weight of the family's accumulated psychotic energy. Her luminous sensitivity left her open to the violence and disaffection of our household and we used her to store the bitterness of our mordant chronicle. I could see it now: One member of the family, by a process of artificial but deadly selection, is nominated to be the lunatic, and all neuroses, wildness, and displaced suffering settles like dust in the eaves and porches of that tenderest, most vulnerable psyche." ~ Pat Conroy, The Prince of Tides

Savannah is the family scapegoat. She, like most scapegoats, experiences the pain, wounds, dark secrets, and rejected emotions of the family system. There occurs in families (and groups) a deadly, unspoken agreement whereby the collective casts its unconscious, denied psychological/emotional material onto the child who may be: different, gay, weaker, sickly, less successful, or more vulnerable; at times they are the "light child" - unbounded energy, joy, love (too much for the family system to handle). Out of love, and an unexplained sense of destiny, the sensitive child actually absorbs and carries the group's disowned "lunacy"; with the intent to mend the family, and minimize the chaos, neglect, abuse, or violence that regularly shatters souls.

The idea of the scapegoat goes back to the earliest human communities. Inherent in the human experience is the deep-seated belief that energy is given or exchanged through sacrifice; that energies of evil forces, illness, unacceptable emotions and behaviors can literally be transferred from a person or a community, to a specific object (earth, rocks, and vegetation), animal, or human. Throughout human history there have been rituals involving the sacrifice of a thing, animal, or person in exchange for:

1. A balance of energy in the overall system of life.
2. Avoiding death or keeping the dead away.
3. Reducing natural disasters and avoiding catastrophe.
4. Making the god or goddess less angry.
5. A year of good crops.
6. Relief of the individual and communities' sins, illnesses, unacceptable feelings, or behaviors.
7. Collective and individual purification and reconnection with god.

In ancient rituals the historical scapegoat was identified with the god; often with the god of the underworld - of the unconscious. It was considered a divine being. This special, spirit-connected shadow carrier had a gift. The gift was the capacity to carry huge amounts of collective darkness, and transfer it from the community to a transpersonal domain. Further, while the unconscious energies are born away from the community, the transpersonal or spiritual dimensions are channeled through the scapegoat back to the collective. The scapegoat was the conduit that purged the dark, and brought enriched meaning, atonement (at one); purification, and renewed connection with other dimensions; with their gods or goddesses.

We have lost the understanding of the sacred nature of the scapegoat; once called "the strong one of God". We no longer appreciate it as a medium for the transformation of our own darkness or shadow (Jung defined the shadow as the territory into which we cast our unacceptable parts, rejected instincts, emotions, and talents). Rather than the scapegoat being valued, Sylvia Brinton Perera, author of The Scapegoat Complex, said, "scapegoating, as it is currently practiced, means finding the one or ones who can be identified with evil or wrong-doing, blamed for it, and cast out from the community in order to leave the remaining members with a feeling of guiltlessness, atoned (at-one) with the collective standards of behavior."

This process of seeing others as unacceptable, sinful, wrong, the cause of misfortune, or a threat to the proper order of things; is called projection. If I am identified with being pure, selfless, and caring for others, I have disowned, or cast away into the abyss within, the opposite characteristics - impure, selfish and self-caring. Because I don't know those aspects reside in my shadow/unconscious, I project them onto others (who then carry some of MY shadow energy), and judge them as unacceptable, wrong, and even abhorrent.

Bottom line: the unprocessed, scorned energies (parts or inner selves) within individuals, families, and groups are projected onto the selected scapegoat(s). Just as in ancient times, this shadow carrier, the vessel for the dark energies and pathologies that any system refuses to acknowledge, is sacrificed for the greater good.

Without an understanding of: 1) the multi-faceted nature of all humans (we all have known, developed parts or inner selves; and we all have opposite traits and sub-personalities that we do not know, or actively repress); 2) the process of projection; and 3) how to access transpersonal dimensions, scapegoating will continue to be a purely damaging, devastating, soul-killing process.

For example, we now know that many of the children involved in school shootings have suffered years of brutal bullying and complete disregard by peers; and no adult protected them, or stopped it. On a much larger scale: the Nazis (who came to power during the post WWI humiliation and degradation imposed as punishment by the rest of the world) identified with the cult of Aryan superiority and perfection, and projected their inferior, powerless, contemptible traits onto Jews, Gays, Gypsies, Catholics, etc.

It is also worth mentioning that as children, Hitler, many of his henchmen, and, in truth, many German citizens, were viciously beaten and shamed on a very regular basis. Much of this comes from what Alice Miller calls poisonous pedagogy, which has been around for generations. "Poisonous pedagogy&#8230;is the kind of parenting and education aimed at breaking a child's will and making that child into an obedient subject by means of overt or covert coercion, manipulation, and emotional blackmail." In terms of scapegoating, the child raised according to poisonous pedagogy is the recipient of overwhelming, generational fury. They are stripped of all sense of self and remain obedient and pliable as an adult; or, out of revenge, they replay what the parents did to them, blindly heaving abusive behaviors upon their children; or both.

How do we break the seemingly endless cycle of scapegoating? The best solution (and the least likely) is for those who transfer their (absolutely real) shadow energy onto others, to recognize that the energy perceived to be intolerable and evil in others, is actually a source of vital, raw, creative, passionate life-force within themselves! They can learn to digest and incorporate the essence of those heretofore deplorable characteristics and traits into their lives. This relieves the scapegoat of its unbearable burden. Only then can sacred ritual support the transfer of excess shadow energy to a higher source (a source that can handle and transmute the shadow).

Since the chances of awakening those who cast shadow energy is slim; the next best solution is to awaken the Scapegoat. This is the work of therapy; and this is where Voice Dialogue excels. A significant factor in this healing process is the therapist's understanding that most Inner Scapegoats identify with the archetype of the Savior. They carry a deep conviction that it is their destiny to be the sacrificial lamb who surrenders a life based on fulfilling their own enormous potential.

Voice Dialogue is one of the safest, most effective methods used to gain access to the many levels of the human psyche (our inner world). To awaken the Scapegoat, we must enter into respectful dialogue with a series of inner selves. Eventually, through building trust with the protective layers of the highly developed, Primary Selves, we are privileged to meet and talk with the one who first became the scapegoat of the family - the young, very vulnerable Inner Child.

In the next article, we will discuss how Voice Dialogue specifically: 1) awakens the Scapegoat; 2) helps this sensitive soul understand how dis-identify from the archetype of Savior; 3) teaches energetic and other boundaries; 4) creates connection to transpersonal dimensions which support the lifting of the overwhelming burden of collective shadow; and 5) opens the inner doors to other channels through which the remaining energies can flow - i.e. creative expression and becoming a conscious healer.

References:

*Perera, Sylvia Brinton, The Scapegoat Complex: Toward a Psychology of Shadow and Guilt, Inner City Books, Toronto, 1986.

*Miller, Alice, The Truth Will Set You Free: Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self, Basic Books, NYC, 2001, Preface pg 1


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

thank you for this


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

There are some more articles on the site of the psychotherapist Francesca Starr who wrote that article which I think are pretty good on similar subjects http://www.completelifecenter.com/content/blogcategory/28/183/ also the audio recordings on her site are very good and free


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I'm definitely going to check this out when I get back from work today. Oddly enough I have an appointment with someone familiar in energy healing today, I'm sure some of this stuff will come up.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

perfect! dis-identifying with the Saviour was perhaps the most important step in my healing process. I always felt that, being the youngest one in the family, all expectations, repressed emotions, failures, and a huge emotional baggage was passed on to me, and i was kind of responsible for the family's mental health, like i feel all their eyes are on me, that their happiness depends on mine, that they sometimes live through me. the responsibility i felt was unbearable, and i would switch from heoric bouts of unbelievable energy and power, in which i really thought i could save the entire world, that i could carry the weight of everyone, to downright hopelessness and despair, and madness. i also relate to that 'having too much light' as a kid, perhaps too much for the environment i was brought up in, where repression of feelings and creativity/sexuality is common.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

i just realized that i project the same thing that torments me onto other people. it's like a curse that needs to be broken.

edit:

or rather i suck energy out of other people to compensate for the energy that has been sucked out of me.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Abraxas said:


> perfect! dis-identifying with the Hero was perhaps the most important step in my healing process. I always felt that, being the youngest one in the family, all expectations, repressed emotions, failures, and a huge emotional baggage was passed on to me, and i was kind of responsible for the family's mental health, like i feel all their eyes are on me, that their happiness depends on mine, that they sometimes live through me. the responsibility i felt was unbearable, and i would switch from heoric bouts of unbelievable energy and power, in which i really thought i could save the entire world, that i could carry the weight of everyone, to downright hopelessness and despair, and madness. i also relate to that 'having too much light' as a kid, perhaps too much for the environment i was brought up in, where repression of feelings and creativity/sexuality is common.


my upbringing was very very similar. this is big.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Pablo remember talking about making groups of people go silent? I'm sure this is why in my case.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Abraxas said:


> perfect! dis-identifying with the Hero was perhaps the most important step in my healing process. I always felt that, being the youngest one in the family, all expectations, repressed emotions, failures, and a huge emotional baggage was passed on to me, and i was kind of responsible for the family's mental health, like i feel all their eyes are on me, that their happiness depends on mine, that they sometimes live through me. the responsibility i felt was unbearable, and i would switch from heoric bouts of unbelievable energy and power, in which i really thought i could save the entire world, that i could carry the weight of everyone, to downright hopelessness and despair, and madness. i also relate to that 'having too much light' as a kid, perhaps too much for the environment i was brought up in, where repression of feelings and creativity/sexuality is common.


how did your family feel and react when you took their baggage off of yourself? how did you do this? did you confront them... was there a process?


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

surfingisfun001 said:


> how did your family feel and react when you took their baggage off of yourself? how did you do this? did you confront them... was there a process?


hm, not sure. i think they still project things on me but i do not feel affected by it anymore, i really dont care. i have reached psychological independence from my parents. i think the more it get grounded in my Self, the more they will realize that i no longer function as a good 'receptor' for their projections, and i guess they will simply find someone new.

i think they project on me many things at once, even attributes that are in contradiction, say, i believe my mother to be projecting her madness/psychosis on me, while on the other hand projecting her Hero/child-hero/animus aspects on me. My father projects some low attributes like sloth, addiction and general lowly characteristics, like im depraved, sexualy and morally. all that is unconscious, magical, irrational... superstition, insanity, is projected on me.

i purged most of this psychic baggage with ayahuasca. a LOT of shit came out, i come from a family that has suffered a lot, and struggled with the in-sane.

i have also met this inner scapegoat in my dreams. i shall not pronounce his name though.
he devoured my shadow when it was small enough for him to swallow it, I saw him doing it. he takes on an animal form


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

> all that is unconscious, magical, irrational... superstition, insanity, is projected on me.


yep. same with me.



> i purged most of this psychic baggage with ayahuasca. a LOT of shit came out


i bet that was an intense experience. I'm interested in hearing about this experience. Ayahuasca lasts for many days does it not? Do you think that one can purge this shit without ayahuasca, if so how?

I am glad you are well my friend. You are an inspiration.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Pablo remember talking about making groups of people go silent? I'm sure this is why in my case.


I'm not sure I think I make groups go silent because I'm so tense and defensive and they probably sense intuitively that aggressiv energy has entered the space which makes them uneasy. It happens all the time for me it's a nightmare, it's like I'm a black hole for social situations.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Pablo said:


> I'm not sure I think I make groups go silent because I'm so tense and defensive and they probably sense intuitively that aggressiv energy has entered the space which makes them uneasy. It happens all the time for me it's a nightmare, it's like I'm a black hole for social situations.


Ah ok.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

Pablo said:


> I'm not sure I think I make groups go silent because I'm so tense and defensive and they probably sense intuitively that aggressiv energy has entered the space which makes them uneasy. It happens all the time for me it's a nightmare, it's like I'm a black hole for social situations.


lol







, i would get the same. i felt everyone would just tense up as soon as i made my appearance, like suddenly an air of anxiety and weirdedness would invade the room. also when i walked on the streets it would happen that i looked at someone and he/she would kind of convulse inside, like i would reveal the shadow beneath his mask.

anyway, now i dont get that anymore. but i really think it was all more like projection than actual reality. you might really think that they are feeling that way but i believe is just paranoia, mind can play good tricks on you. of course, the tenser you are, the tenser the group gets, so.. just relax and stop thinkin everyone s on you.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Abraxas said:


> lol
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah it's hard for me to work out what is my responsibility and what isn't, generally I tend to feel if there is a bad atmosphere it is my fault, but thinking logically that can't always be true. Even in more extreme situations I accept too much responsibility, like today I heard my boss has taken a month off work for depression and I immediately started to feel guilty like it might be my fault that I might have had an influence on it. I am nuts lol


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

yeah bro take a chill-pill. have you considered smoking a joint? (that is of course if you didnt get your DP due to weed). a joint + good, blue music = lots of feelings, and learning how to not over-worry about shit. it really brings you down to the ground and you reconnect with your feelings.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

surfingisfun001 said:


> yep. same with me.
> 
> i bet that was an intense experience. I'm interested in hearing about this experience. Ayahuasca lasts for many days does it not? Do you think that one can purge this shit without ayahuasca, if so how?
> 
> I am glad you are well my friend. You are an inspiration.


thanks man.

it lasts no more than 6 hours.

i think you could start purging a lot if you connect to low emotions like anger/hate/evilness.

i ll PM you with some tunes now. hope you dont go crazy with them


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Abraxas said:


> yeah bro take a chill-pill. have you considered smoking a joint? (that is of course if you didnt get your DP due to weed). a joint + good, blue music = lots of feelings, and learning how to not over-worry about shit. it really brings you down to the ground and you reconnect with your feelings.


I used to enjoy smoking weed especially when I was a teenager and used to get the giggles about stuff, but then when I took ecstasy it turned everything upside down and I started to get paranoid when smoking and I would sit in my room with the room spinning around chucking a ******, I wouldn't mind smoking now but I would probably have to do it alone watching a film or something like that


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I just noticed something that my mom has always done and think this has influenced my perspective on who i am in an unhealthy way.

She always says things like, "what do _we_ want to do today?" "what do _we_ want to eat for dinner?" Instead of "what would _you_ like to do today?" "what would _you_ like to eat for dinner?" There has never been me as my own person, but rather "us".

Therefore the concept of who I am is skewed.

It's like my mom saw us as one energy rather than two separate energies and that sense of self transferred onto me.

Did that happen with you at all Pablo?


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

Pablo you do not smoke a joint and watch a film, idea is not to avoid yourself, idea is to re-connect to yourself. you smoke a joint, lie down, relax as much as possible, and listen to this album

Entheogenic - Dialogue of the Speakers
https://rs1l3.rapidshare.com/#!download|1l3|188416906|Entheogenic_-_Dialogue_of_the_Speakers-2005-gEm_up_by_Flesz.rar|104938|R~248FE044F71FBDC8260D9F7458EBDC43

and this one

Omnimotion - Dream Wide awake
anyway, you look this one up.

also, try not smoking skunk. try get some regular green, like leafs... go to some reggae shop and ask for advice. skunk fucks up your brain chemistry. and dont over-smoke it. just a couple of puffs, then see how you feel... and then go on if you need more,. idea is to relax not to go on a trip.

------

surfinisfun.. that sucks... i can really relate, though she doesnt use that 'we' stuff... she does seem to want to interfere in all aspects of my life. including what i eat, who i hang out with, what kind of job i do, etc., she does this to the point of getting angry if i dont do what she wants me to do, but she's cohercive, like she will do this almost unconsciously, and when i point it out to her she plays the victim or pretends nothing is going on, like its natural., really, best thing is to start ignoring her and think for yourself... what do *you* want? if she stands in the way.. then you might want to reconsider what a loving relationship is for you. if that person who is 'loving' you does not let you have your own individuality and life... then... well... maybe its time to let that person go, until he/she starts respecting your individuality.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

> surfinisfun.. that sucks... i can really relate, though she doesnt use that 'we' stuff... she does seem to want to interfere in all aspects of my life. including what i eat, who i hang out with, what kind of job i do, etc., she does this to the point of getting angry if i dont do what she wants me to do, but she's cohercive, like she will do this almost unconsciously, and when i point it out to her she plays the victim or pretends nothing is going on, like its natural., really, best thing is to start ignoring her and think for yourself... what do *you* want? if she stands in the way.. then you might want to reconsider what a loving relationship is for you. if that person who is 'loving' you does not let you have your own individuality and life... then... well... maybe its time to let that person go, until he/she starts respecting your individuality.


well said


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

j4mtj said:


> So true Abraxas. I'm only recently now starting to question relationships themselves instead of what goes on within them. Like, why would I even want a relationship with someone who stifles or controls me, even if they do it unconsciously. Not so easy to walk away from family relationships when they are like this, but just taking a step back and thinking do I even want a relationship with this person if this is how they are, enables me to enforce some boundaries and limits to their behaviour with less fear of 'losing' the relationship. There's nothing to lose if the relationship is harmful to you.


When I went though this, it was possibly the most painful thing I ever went through. I adored my parents, to the point of obsession. It just never once occured to me, that my problems stemmed from my relationship with them. The day I let go, was the day I came together as a person. My personality and identity had been so fragmented all my life, plus the DPD, I honesty never thought I'd get to the feeling I had when I felt complete. 
I still love them, but with boundaries, and I can see that they both had issues themselves. But that doesn't mean I forget the years of hell I went through.


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