# My DP/DR success story. (very long I warn you)



## Guest

Hey guys and gals. I have posted this story before, But I like to do it again once in a while so people in the DP/DR situation can seek help and comfort by it. Besides, I read WAY too many doom and gloom posts on this site. So here is my success story. (I hope you don't mind grammer errors)

When I was a junior in high school, I (not in my brightest moment) took 2 pills from a classmate to "wake me up". The pills turned out to be E, and I got fairly high from them. No big deal I figured, until that high feeling wouldn't go away. Soon I felt I was constantly stuck in a dream, like nothing around me seemed real. I felt like I could not recognize the most familier places, but I knew where I was. The world looked distorted, like looking through a glass from deep inside of myself. I would look around, and couldn't believe anything was real, like I was stuck in a vivid dream. Everything was dark, as if all lights all around me where put on dimmers. It felt like a horrible acid trip. I had amazingly complex thoughts about what was going on with me. (My most common thought was that I was dead, or in a coma somewhere, and that this world was being created by my mind.) I waited about a week before going to a doctor, let alone telling my parents. I was eventually recommended to a psychiatrist, whom said I had minor depression/anxiety. (I'm sure alot of you can relate to this part lol) I was, needless to say, furious. Whatever this was, it was NOT minor! I was put on a baby dose of lexapro and ativan. They told me to come back in about 2 weeks when the medication had kicked in. Well, 2 weeks of my summer past, and I had no relief. I was so horribly depressed by this point, that I started flirting with thoughts of suicide. I couldn't sleep, because I was scared out of my mind that I was going to be like this forever. I would sleep about 3-5 hours a night, if I slept at all, and the worst feeling was waking up from a dream, to not knowing if you were awake or still in another dream in the morining. The shrink I was seeing didn't seem to understand what was going on with me at all. So one day I talked to my best friend's father, who is a doctor and told him what was happening. He heard me out, and said, "Thats trademark feelings of Depersonalization and Derealization." 
So, I made some calls, and found a new psychiatrist that knew about DP/DR. Went to him, and he diagnosed me with severe anxiety, and depression. He was hesitant to say I had DP/DR disorder, because most cases of DP/DR have come as underlaying conditions to severe anxiety and/or depression. That what probabaly happened was I had depression and anxiety before this all happened, and the drugs I took had caused a worse chemical imbalance in my brain that hadn't been fixed. Hence, giving me all these problems. He told me he had seen it quite a few times before, even once with some kid that chugged 2 "Red Bulls" which caused his anxiety to skyrocket. He also assured me that it WOULD go away with time, medication, and the right mindset. Once we got me on all the medications, which included 5mgs Risperdal, 40mgs Paxil, clonopane (forgot the dosage I was on), and a sleeping pill to help me sleep. After about 4 months on these, I saw some improvement (yay!) but I was still feeling detatched and what not. Then one day I went on this message board and found a success story from a guy who had tried a small dose of a anti-psychotic known as Abilify. I figured I would give it a shot, so we switched from Risperdal to Abilify (5mgs). At this time, I had come to terms with myself and figured that I was going to make the best of my life, even if it never goes away. So I started hanging out with my friends again. I explained what happened to me with everyone I hung out with, so that they understood. They, to my relief, found it facinating. I learned to live with it, and after about 2 months on Abilify and learning to cope, I noticed one day that I hadn't given my DP/DR a thought in about a week. Approximatly 1 year and a couple months since those pills, I looked around, and thought to myself, "Wow... did I really once think I was in a dream?" Funny how it happens. I expected to one day wake up and feel connected again. I expected to run around like a child screaming how I had been cured. But, and I guess it makes more sense, the change from DP/DR to normal again was VERY gradual. I am now 20 years old, and have put my DP/DR days behind me. I don't know if it was the Abilify, or simply learning to face the demon down and live life without caring about DP/DR that did it. But something worked. So if you have DP/DR, all I can say is to keep trying new things and be patient! It's not the end of the world! And you WILL find the right method to curing it for yourself. Okay, I without a doubt have said my 2 cents peice. If you have any questions, feel free to post. I try to check the board as much as possible. Good luck!


----------



## mareo27

Hey Patrick

(This is kinda long as well)

I can totally relate to that feeling you get when you woke up and jumping from one dream to seemingly another. "Seemingly" I guess I can say now that it hasn't happened to me in a while. It's been about 3 and a half months since I had this horrific drug induced state. It has gotten better. The biggest step I took was facing the world, as you know just opening your eyes in the morning is a big step. I have learned to accept this and try to enjoy my life regardless. I have noticed that when I pay less attention to it, is when it is least hindering. A day or even a couple of hours haven't gone by that I haven't completely forgotten about it though. I realize that one thing that does make a huge dent in dp/dr is the will to live, the one thing that took me a long time to obtain for dp/dr takes any will to do anything. I still have a huge lack of emotion. If I dwell on it too much it tends to set me back a couple of steps. But as I've learned from experience falling two steps back only puts me closer to recovery.

I can say that I no longer "freak out" or have panic attacks. I can sleep better. And reality doesn't scare me as much anymore. My vision has gotten better as it used to be pretty bad,(you described the visual distubances much more accurate and to a T) The only thing that remains is a very subtle depression and sometimes I still see trails (theses trails may just be the normal ones that people without dp/dr get)and have slightly blurry vision at times usually when I'm really tired. Sometimes looking out a window can kind of freak me out for a couple of moments as it reminds me of that feeling of looking out into reality from deep within a dark place in my mind.

besides that I think everything else is tapering off.
I have tried to stay away from medication as I feel that if the mind is powerful enough to bring me to such a terrifying state, then the opposite must be possible as well. It may be an even longer road to recovery but I feel for myself it's the way to go. I was taking a dietary supplement called 5HTP but thats it and I have stopped taking that approx two weeks ago.

Reading your post greatly gave me hope, coming from a 27 year old man. You should be proud. (or I should be embarassed)

Thanks


----------



## Sojourner

Hmm. You said "It's been about 3 and a half months since I had this horrific drug induced state," but then said this:

"I have tried to stay away from medication as I feel that if the mind is powerful enough to bring me to such a terrifying state, then the opposite must be possible as well."

---------
Can you explain the contradiction?


----------



## mareo27

hmm I guess you got me on that one.

I have given this some thought
not to put a spin on it but to make it work for me.
Maybe I'm telling myself that my mind is stronger than the drug that I was on at the time, and it (my mind) was a stronger factor in bringing me into this state. I believe the thoughts that I have always had about existence, eternity, the universe were enhanced by drugs but The thoughts I have now about reality I feel would've eventually evolved to this regardless. I don't know if this still sounds like a contradiction, but it works for me.


----------



## Guest

HEY, .. I'M IN RECOVERY OF DP FROM DRUG USE . IT HAS BEEN 6 MONTHS SINCE MY FIRST EPISODE. THREE MONTHS AFTER THAT THE DP STARTED TO ALMOST COMPLETELY VANISH. SINCE THEN I HAVE HAD TWO SEPERATE TIMES THAT I HAVE RELAPSED FOR ABOUT A WEEK OR TWO AND THEN IT GOES AWAY. THE LAST TIME IT RELAPSED I WAS ON 10MG OF LEXAPRO AND THIS TIME I AM NOT ON ANY MEDS. JUST EXERCISE,EATING RIGHT AND VITAMINS. IT IS A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT TO CONTROL ANXIETY WITHOUT THE MEDS, BUT NOT THAT MUCH WORSE. WILL THESE RELAPSES CONTINUE OR EVENTUALLY WEAR OFF? :?:


----------



## person3

It should...just keep going out and staying connected with the world.


----------



## = n

Thank you for this story. You're description of finding youself cured made me very happy


----------

