# I think I belong here



## salgal (May 11, 2006)

Where to begin? I think I've always had a few loose screws. I started using drugs in high school and stopped when I was 30. I have been clean and sober for 20 years.

Eight years ago after a very stressful year I began experiencing this thing that felt like a bad LSD trip. My vision was distorted (melting, images zooming in and out and everything was in a haze or encased in some opaque substance) It felt as if my hands were detached from my body - a very bad thing because I made pottery for a living and it was like trying to form clay by remote control. It got to the point that I couldn't work and was confined to the sofa, using all my will power to resist ripping the skin off my face or smacking myself on the head with something hard.

I went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with psychotic depression. I began taking antipsychotics and antidepressants. The meds helped a lot, except I would still get what I might call "edgy."

After a year I thought I would quit the antipsychotics. Bad idea - it srarted all over again. So I went back on meds and things were pretty OK.

Over the next few years I had three different doctors who didn't think I was psychotic and tried to get me off the meds, but each time it was disastrous. The doctors were completely baffled but put me back on my antipsychotics.

Last spring, thinking that maybe I had a problem with anxiety, I started seeing a therapist who told me that it looked like a dissociative disorder, and that's when I discovered this site. I was crying on the inside (can't cry outwordly) because I couldn't believe what I was reading and that nobody ever mentioned this stuff to me. Don't doctors know about this stuff?!

When I read the posts on this site my heart pounds because everything is so close to my heart.

Now I have a new psychiatrist and so far he is calling it "atypical psychosis." He has me on my good ol' antipsychotics which makes it so I can function. It is driving me nuts that my therapist and I think I have DP/DR but my doctor thinks otherwise. Does it really matter, since I'm at least getting the meds I need? Or should I look for a doctor that knows more about DP/DR?

Anyhow, that is my story and my dilemma. Thanks for hearing me out.

salgal


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## Pancthulhu (May 27, 2006)

Hi, welcome to the board.

The problem with your vision sounds rather like HPPD (Permatrip), but I don't know much about it so I could be entirely wrong.


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## IvyGray (Feb 22, 2006)

Hi Salgal, sounds like HPPD - Hallucinogen Perception Persisting Disorder, of which DP/DR can be a symptom (seems to overlap for many people) but has some fundamental differences. Check out HPPD Online, I think you'll find a wealth of info on their forum.

Good Luck!


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## much afraid (Jul 27, 2006)

hi salgal, thanks for writing me! you are the first. I think its so great that you are a potter. I love that useful art form. Now that I know what I have I am going to see a MD. I am going to try anxity meds and therapy. How was back packing? We just got back from Kings Canyon. The river is beautiful, Iwould love to backpack up the canyon. Have you? Please write me back I really need to stay in touch with people with the same struggles. Have you found someone with your disorder? That might help.


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