# DP & Suicide



## Guest (Aug 17, 2016)

I'm just wondering if anyone knows someone who suffered from DP and it led to a suicide or suicide attempt?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

What makes you wonder?


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## Guest (Aug 18, 2016)

Yup a couple people. But it's rare


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## Guest (Aug 18, 2016)

Void said:


> What makes you wonder?


Morbid curiosity.

And fleeting hope that it may come to that for me.


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## Alan (Jan 26, 2015)

Here's hoping that it doesn't, but if perchance one day you do feel that way, please contact one of the crisis lines we have listed here.


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

i wonder if euthanasia is an option for people with dp/dr who only live to suffer forever...it would be so nice


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## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm gonna be honest and say that I have tried to kill myself while going through DP/DR but it never worked for me.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Disruption said:


> i wonder if euthanasia is an option for people with dp/dr who only live to suffer forever...it would be so nice


I hate to be so dark and bleak and depressing but I believe euthanasia should be a basic human right and choice!

Especially if your suffering or pain is unbearable or if you became parlaysed etc etc....It should be a personal individual chocie....


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

eddy1886 said:


> I hate to be so dark and bleak and depressing but I believe euthanasia should be a basic human right and choice!
> 
> Especially if your suffering or pain is unbearable or if you became parlaysed etc etc....It should be a personal individual chocie....


I agree. We didn't get to decide on if we wanted to be born or not. For some people it's a valid option. We put animals down when their pain reaches a certain threshold. What makes humans different.


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

> I hate to be so dark and bleak and depressing but I believe euthanasia should be a basic human right and choice!
> 
> Especially if your suffering or pain is unbearable or if you became parlaysed etc etc....It should be a personal individual chocie..


That's also my opinion.


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## Guest (Aug 19, 2016)

Alan said:


> Here's hoping that it doesn't, but if perchance one day you do feel that way, please contact one of the crisis lines we have listed here.


Thanks. I may give them a call. I'm not sure how much more of DP I can take.


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## freezeup (Oct 1, 2016)

BoSox95 said:


> Thanks. I may give them a call. I'm not sure how much more of DP I can take.


mental illness is weird, it can literally change over night.. even if it doesn't I've spent 6 years of my life dedicated to living\fighting with DP\Depression\anxiety and I feel about 80% better than I did a year or two ago. I know how bad it can get man, hang in there.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Dont give up Bo Sox


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## Guest (Aug 19, 2016)

Go to the hospital if you need to. I have thought about suicide and it got so bad I had to be hospitalized 3 times now because of DP. But things can and will get better. You just need to find the right meds, etc...


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## Crypticall (Aug 15, 2015)

Call a suicide hotline, they are there for you when life is unbearable. Just remember; living can be hell, but death is not an experience, its nothingness.


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## Guest (Aug 19, 2016)

Aura said:


> Go to the hospital if you need to. I have thought about suicide and it got so bad I had to be hospitalized 3 times now because of DP. But things can and will get better. You just need to find the right meds, etc...


Just curious, what was hospitalization like? Did they treat your DP differently than a normal therapist would?


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

It would be interesting to know the suicide rate of DPD. Unfortunately no studies have been carried out on this matter. But most people with DPD satisfy the diagnostic criteria for depression and depression seems to have a suicide rate of 15%. I do not know if this only applies to severe depression or to all forms of depression and it it is really that high. But the high comorbidity of DPD with depression suggests that the suicide rate of DPD may be quite high. The ignorance of the psychiatrists and the lack of treatments is not included, but should make things even worse.

I remember that there is also a report of a suicide by a woman with treatment-resistant DPD:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2255928


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## Billy D.P. (Apr 12, 2016)

I've always wondered about this too. I imagine the suicide rate for those with DP is higher than other illnesses but who knows for sure. All I know is prior to DP I was just about the happiest person on Earth, then within six months of getting it I became suicidal. This is just not something you can "live with" as is the case for some other illnesses. It's truly torture on a daily basis.


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

> This is just not something you can "live with" as is the case for some other illnesses. It's truly torture on a daily basis.


I know what you mean. I have tinnitus and some other bad chronic disorders, which annoy me all the time. Although I thought they are slowly destroying my life before I got "it", I could somehow live with them. It is by no means acceptable to live with a disorder, that makes your brain feel catatonic all the time.

But maybe I was right about my chronic disorders destroying my life. They might have been an important stressor that significantly contributed to my present state. So they might have been victorious.


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## apoplexy (Jan 4, 2013)

eddy1886 said:


> I hate to be so dark and bleak and depressing but I believe euthanasia should be a basic human right and choice!
> 
> Especially if your suffering or pain is unbearable or if you became parlaysed etc etc....It should be a personal individual chocie....


Euthanasia advocacy has been my mission since I realized just how sick I really was. This is Canada's national newspaper and I'm the one being interviewed:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/as-a-person-with-mental-illness-heres-why-i-support-medically-assisted-death/article29912835/

My name is "Adam Maier-Clayton" -- feel free to follow me on Facebook, check out my YouTube channel, etc.

I wish everyone better days


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

eddy1886 said:


> I hate to be so dark and bleak and depressing but I believe euthanasia should be a basic human right and choice!
> 
> Especially if your suffering or pain is unbearable or if you became parlaysed etc etc....It should be a personal individual chocie....


ya absolutely..im still wondering why there is something like war in this world where its ok to kill hundreds of people (who dont even suffer from a crippling condition like dp/dr) but if one wants to die as a personal choice it is called suicide and when they catch you while trying to kill yourself, you end up in a mental institution with people who keep you alive artificially, putting you on meds which make your dp/dr many times worse..how could this be of help...humanity is so fucking ignorant and insane which is another fact that makes me want to die..


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## pasha (Jan 2, 2016)

Disruption said:


> ya absolutely..im still wondering why there is something like war in this world where its ok to kill hundreds of people (who dont even suffer from a crippling condition like dp/dr) but if one wants to die as a personal choice it is called suicide and when they catch you while trying to kill yourself, you end up in a mental institution with people who keep you alive artificially, putting you on meds which make your dp/dr many times worse..how could this be of help...humanity is so fucking ignorant and insane which is another fact that makes me want to die..


 your words are totaly true and as im saying it


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## simonlebon (Apr 13, 2015)

I still love my dog, and he needs me... so I'll stick around for him! And maybe we will all end up helping out at least one other person in this life because of what we have gone through with this stuff. Maybe many others....


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## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

Every deep person thinks about suicide at some point in their lives, people in suffering more often. I don't think that dp/dr is a good reason to do it over though. If you die, that's it, game over, you forfeit any chance you have of ever experiencing happiness, joy or *anything*. If you stay and fight, you might have a chance of recovering. It might not be today, or tomorrow, it could take a few years, but you will be grateful at that time that you kept going. Death is inevitable, doesn't matter if you're healthy or have dp/dr, we have a short time on this Earth and I think it's a waste to give it up like that.

Even if you fight and suffer until the end, the destination will be the same. But you could have a day where you are carefree on a tropical island, having a barbecue and drinks with your best friends, playing with your child, eating an amazing meal, enjoying sex, living your wildest dreams and thanking whoever you believe in that you stayed here and didn't give it all away.

So better to stay here and fight it, even if it's just for one good day, that's better than absolute nothingness.


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## yoloking123 (Jul 6, 2016)

Bro i almost overdoesed the other day like 2 days i cant take the stress and anxiety of this condition anymore!


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## Guest (Aug 27, 2016)

I've had depersonalization disorder for about 11 years in total. I have been down to the darkest recesses of the disorder, exhausted, alone, and seeing no way out.

I have made more progress in the past three months than I have for years. I've seen many people turn around after a lengthy battle with DPD and begin to enjoy life again. Even in cases where they never made a full 'recovery', they were able to manage the level they had and still have a quality of life.

Right now it may seem like there is no way out. I implore you to try every possible avenue to improve your quality of life. I tried dozens of medications and therapies before simply fixing my sleeping pattern improved my state significantly.


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

Alex617 said:


> Every deep person thinks about suicide at some point in their lives, people in suffering more often. I don't think that dp/dr is a good reason to do it over though. If you die, that's it, game over, you forfeit any chance you have of ever experiencing happiness, joy or *anything*. If you stay and fight, you might have a chance of recovering. It might not be today, or tomorrow, it could take a few years, but you will be grateful at that time that you kept going. Death is inevitable, doesn't matter if you're healthy or have dp/dr, we have a short time on this Earth and I think it's a waste to give it up like that.
> 
> Even if you fight and suffer until the end, the destination will be the same. But you could have a day where you are carefree on a tropical island, having a barbecue and drinks with your best friends, playing with your child, eating an amazing meal, enjoying sex, living your wildest dreams and thanking whoever you believe in that you stayed here and didn't give it all away.
> 
> So better to stay here and fight it, even if it's just for one good day, that's better than absolute nothingness.


i know youre trying your best to keep a positive perspective...but what if ''death'' isnt nothingness and/or dp/dr is just a sign for an individual that there is no point in living anymore and ''death'' is the next goal...

fuck ''a chance of recovery'' one day...im living now, not tomorrow, not in 10 years and the best years of my life are running out while having dp/dr...im struggling for almost 2 years now...its not gettiing better

go on living!?...for what...i dont live for others...i live for myself...but if my life is only a piece of shit and i just cant have good experiences anymore..where is the sense in it? i just dont get it...

are you living to have bad experiences?...feel pain?...i dont


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## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

Disruption said:


> i know youre trying your best to keep a positive perspective...but what if ''death'' isnt nothingness and/or dp/dr is just a sign for an individual that there is no point in living anymore and ''death'' is the next goal...
> 
> fuck ''a chance of recovery'' one day...im living now, not tomorrow, not in 10 years and the best years of my life are running out while having dp/dr...im struggling for almost 2 years now...its not gettiing better
> 
> ...


That just sounds like depression talking, especially fantasizing about mental illness being a calling to the 'other side'. I used to have similar thoughts too, like it was time to move on to the next life because I've burnt out here. Other times I wondered if I did something wrong that I was being punished in some kind of hellish state. In reality that's bullshit, people come out of their depression and go on to live their lives. 99.99% chance is there's nothing on the other side, everything you ever knew and will know ceases to exist.

I'm living because I get to live, I'm not going to give that up because of a difficult time. If life was nothing but misery then sure, I'd opt out, but that's just not the truth. You say 'best years of your life', what does that even mean? Youth =/= best years of your life if you are feeling suicidal. Nor do you know what's to come, I wouldn't attach too much to the concept of 'best years', nor would I consider suicide as an intelligent solution to avoiding wasting your years.


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

Alan said:


> Here's hoping that it doesn't, but if perchance one day you do feel that way, please contact one of the crisis lines we have listed here.


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## gasspanicc (Mar 21, 2012)

no one knows if deaths the end . but about this topic living out till you pass naturally is the best option but i woudlnt blame someone to pursue something like this if it got totally unbearable.


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

Alex617 said:


> That just sounds like depression talking, especially fantasizing about mental illness being a calling to the 'other side'. I used to have similar thoughts too, like it was time to move on to the next life because I've burnt out here. Other times I wondered if I did something wrong that I was being punished in some kind of hellish state. In reality that's bullshit, people come out of their depression and go on to live their lives. 99.99% chance is there's nothing on the other side, everything you ever knew and will know ceases to exist.
> 
> I'm living because I get to live, I'm not going to give that up because of a difficult time. If life was nothing but misery then sure, I'd opt out, but that's just not the truth. You say 'best years of your life', what does that even mean? Youth =/= best years of your life if you are feeling suicidal. Nor do you know what's to come, I wouldn't attach too much to the concept of 'best years', nor would I consider suicide as an intelligent solution to avoiding wasting your years.


its not so much about illness...i dont even think about dp/dr as an illness...its more a state where nothing makes sense anymore...and thats not depression..thats dp/dr naturally resulting in depression...i was never a depressed person..so dont blame it on other things...people may get out of depression..if its the only thing they struggle with...but no one gets out of dp/dr which is causing my depression....and how can you know that there is a 99,99% chance that there is nothing after death...this is rediculous...im not religious or something but i doubt everything i have no proof for..

well if it would just be a difficult time then i wouldnt have given up so easily..for sure...but its the most difficult eternity...and thats where hopelessness kicks in...my life was also great in the years before dp/dr but now it is not worth living anymore due to the fact that i can not experience pleasure of any kind...the only thing i feel is exhaustion, anxiety, hatred, sadness and despair....to be honest..there were a few moments i was feeling some good emotion but its not only extremely rare..its also nothing compared to the happiness and euphoria i once was able to feel (without drugs)...this is nothing that makes my life worth living and this is the only thing that matters..not what other people think i should feel..

by saying ''best years'' i mean the years where my body still works fine and i should have nothing to worry about...these are the years dp/dr is taking from me....im 27 so let it be 5 or 10 good years left for me which i have to spend in this hellish state, what can i look forward to?..death is the answer....i dont want to be cured as an old man and then im not even able to get up anymore...

...i just dont get it...why cant you understand this...


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Alan said:
> 
> 
> > Here's hoping that it doesn't, but if perchance one day you do feel that way, please contact one of the crisis lines we have listed here.


im afraid this is not going to help anybody...at least it didnt for me..


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## <AGENT>teh345 (Apr 10, 2012)

You should really consider every option. Everyone has pretty much already said what needs to be said, but this thing is a very tumultuous, fluctuating phenomenon.

You could be on the cusp of striking gold, and give up one second too early. Keep on trucking. Stay the course.


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## simonlebon (Apr 13, 2015)

Disruption said:


> ...but no one gets out of dp/dr which is causing my depression....


This is definitely not true. Many people have completely recovered. I recovered from it earlier in my life and went several years without it and got it again. So I know based on personal experience it can pass.


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## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

Disruption said:


> people may get out of depression..if its the only thing they struggle with...but no one gets out of dp/dr which is causing my depression....and how can you know that there is a 99,99% chance that there is nothing after death...this is rediculous...im not religious or something but i doubt everything i have no proof for..


I find it ironic that you believe there's an afterlife but that it's impossible to come out of dp/dr. Statistically there's 0% evidence of an after life, but there is proof that dp/dr can go away. In case you didn't realize it yet, I'm someone who healed from dp/dr.


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

simonlebon said:


> This is definitely not true. Many people have completely recovered. I recovered from it earlier in my life and went several years without it and got it again. So I know based on personal experience it can pass.


what kind of a cure is this when you always fall back into this state...you may think that what you said is something that spreads hope..but this only means that there is no esacape from dp/dr...no matter if you are ''cured'' one day..it will always come back to ruin your life over and over again...thats bad news...what a useless and hopless existence with dp/dr


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

Disruption said:


> im afraid this is not going to help anybody...at least it didnt for me..


If it helps one person, then it was worth the 10 seconds to post.


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

Alex617 said:


> I find it ironic that you believe there's an afterlife but that it's impossible to come out of dp/dr. Statistically there's 0% evidence of an after life, but there is proof that dp/dr can go away. In case you didn't realize it yet, I'm someone who healed from dp/dr.


there might be no evidence for the afterlife but if there is something like that then it wont appear to exist in the same way as life does..so its no wonder we have no evidence for it...

btw. thats ignorant...if you remember correctly..i didnt say that i believe in the afterlife...i just said that there is no proof that it doesnt exist just as there is no proof that it does... so you can not judge here telling people there is a 99,99% chance for something...

well.. what i find ironic is that you are still here claiming youre cured..why are you still here wasting your time if this is true???... it doesnt sound like the proof of your recovery for me..

..see..if someone claims to be cured..and dp/dr returns one day (like in semonlebon's case)..i would never dare to call this a cure...for example: if you break your leg and it recovers after a few month, your leg is not breaking again one day while walking around somewhere...you know what i mean...dp/dr is cured when it never comes back...otherwise its not cured...got it


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> If it helps one person, then it was worth the 10 seconds to post.


i hope so


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## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

Disruption said:


> there might be no evidence for the afterlife but if there is something like that then it wont appear to exist in the same way as life does..so its no wonder we have no evidence for it...
> 
> btw. thats ignorant...if you remember correctly..i didnt say that i believe in the afterlife...i just said that there is no proof that it doesnt exist just as there is no proof that it does... so you can not judge here telling people there is a 99,99% chance for something...
> 
> ...


Because it's not a waste of time to reach out to people.


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

Alex617 said:


> Because it's not a waste of time to reach out to people.


so you think you can help people overcoming dp/dr with nothing more than words...remember, thats where everything else has failed before...so good luck...

and you are really completely symptom free?...with no recurring sensations?...i doubt it...because so far ive only heard people claiming they are about 90% cured..

and even people who claim to be 100% cured still say they have bad days n' stuff.. again..thats not what its like to be cured..


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## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

Disruption said:


> so you think you can help people overcoming dp/dr with nothing more than words...remember, thats where everything else has failed before...so good luck...
> 
> and you are really completely symptom free?...with no recurring sensations?...i doubt it...because so far ive only heard people claiming they are about 90% cured..
> 
> and even people who claim to be 100% cured still say they have bad days n' stuff.. again..thats not what its like to be cured..


I get about 1-2 new pm's a day asking for help, and it looks like my advice has helped quite a few people who keep me updated on their progress.

I think it's foolish to rank your recovery by percentages. What does 100% recovered look like? Sufferers think it looks something like being what you were before you got dp/dr, which is impossible because you never stop changing, and a person is the culmination of their thoughts and experiences.

You're better off making a criteria, i.e am I able to function, am I able to do the activities I once enjoyed again, how many times per day am I having episodes of dissociation etc, importantly learning to appreciate every little step in the forward direction. Don't aim for 100% or anything elusive like that, aim to have a 'normal' hour, day, etc


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

Alex617 said:


> I get about 1-2 new pm's a day asking for help, and it looks like my advice has helped quite a few people who keep me updated on their progress.


if this is true...then ..nice



Alex617 said:


> I think it's foolish to rank your recovery by percentages. What does 100% recovered look like? Sufferers think it looks something like being what you were before you got dp/dr, which is impossible because you never stop changing, and a person is the culmination of their thoughts and experiences.


i always ''hated'' these people who claim to be xx % cured or something...whether you are cured or not...thats what its all about

and it might be true that i have changed and i would have changed over time even without dp/dr...but usually for the better and not for the worse...



Alex617 said:


> You're better off making a criteria, i.e am I able to function, am I able to do the activities I once enjoyed again, how many times per day am I having episodes of dissociation etc, importantly learning to appreciate every little step in the forward direction. Don't aim for 100% or anything elusive like that, aim to have a 'normal' hour, day, etc


man i am able to do activities i once enjoyed but i dont enjoy them anymore...i rarely have dissociative moments but i always feel exhausted, dizzy, spaced out and depressed....the few tiny moments i have positive feelings always go hand in hand with some kind of negativity in the background that destroys the moment for me...


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

To me cured means being DP symptom free and it never coming back...EVER!

What people on here usually describe when they claim they are cured is actually more managing the condition than being cured....Basically the symptoms for them have become more tolerable and they can function better on a day to day basis.....In my opinion this is most of the time in conjunction with the aid of medicine....So technically the person is not cured as such...

A true cure is when an illness is completely erradicated with or without the aid of medicine BUT does not need medicine to keep it away after it has been treated..(i.e.) It never comes back and the body (mind in our case) keep it away naturally....

If you have to take medicne to keep any condition away whether it be mental or physical then you have an illness....This is NOT being cured...This is being treated!

LOL im ranting now....Thats what 20 plus years of continual DP symptoms does to ya...Im a realist now not an optimist! I lost any optimism i had as regards this condition a long time ago...


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## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

Disruption said:


> man i am able to do activities i once enjoyed but i dont enjoy them anymore...i rarely have dissociative moments but i always feel exhausted, dizzy, spaced out and depressed....the few tiny moments i have positive feelings always go hand in hand with some kind of negativity in the background that destroys the moment for me...


I know that feeling all too well brother. With or without symptoms, I felt like I had a chronic 'tension' in the background at all times. I would forget about it if I was lucky by being really focused on something, but it was always 'there'. Once I realized there was no escaping it, that I would have to eventually figure out what was causing it and to embrace it that I began making rapid recovery.

My greatest goal in life was not to achieve something like success or fame, but to be able to have a peaceful day, to just be able to wake up and have my breakfast without anything to run away from.



eddy1886 said:


> To me cured means being DP symptom free and it never coming back...EVER!
> 
> What people on here usually describe when they claim they are cured is actually more managing the condition than being cured....Basically the symptoms for them have become more tolerable and they can function better on a day to day basis.....In my opinion this is most of the time in conjunction with the aid of medicine....So technically the person is not cured as such...
> 
> ...


You're only saying this because you're still suffering. Although I believe dp/dr can be cured naturally, for me I need medication to treat the underlying depression that fuelled a lot of it. I've made peace with that, I'm not about to live the rest of my life looking for the ultimate 'cure' to my mental illness, if I had diabetes I would be totally okay with taking insulin shots as needed. It's just sad to me that people need a justification for why they became depressed or overly anxious, sometimes shit just happens and we shouldn't suffer needlessly from it.


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Guys, i was on the very bottom of this condition 6 month ago, i couldn't feel and recognize my whole body, i didn't understand who am i and also couldn't recognize my relatives and enviroment, i was scared of myself and of everything around, i was floating on air and my derealization was like hell, i was too far from myself and from everything around, i really wanted to die and i couldn't cope with that condition anymore, i asked my mom to find me a phsyciatrist, i didn't believe that it will help, but i wanted to try all the options, he gave me cymbalta and neuroleptics and with the time i became better, i still didn't want to live and had a horrible depression, i didn't want to see this new reality with dp, but then i realized that my life is passing by, i'm not alive and not dead, but if i'm not choosing to die, then i have to live somehow, i was training my brain that everything is real and i don't have to be scared, then one evening something happened to me, inside, i felt something unusual, some relief and it was a moment when i understood that i don't have this feeling of who i am, since that time i've started to avoid thinking about who i am, so the end was that i had my whole body back, most of my emotions, my dr became very low and i can function, i can live my life, be a good mom and wife and daughter. I don't want to put my family through my suicide, cause no matter how painful it is, if i die, i would never have the same people with me, i would never cuddle my son, my mom, won't kiss my husband, even if there is afterlife the won't me, same me anymore. I've read here when someone said that he can cope with dp feeling it like a backpack and maybe next time it will feel like a backpack with feathers, i really believed in it, it is a lot about your attitude to it, you have to push yourself to live, do usual stuff, now i can feel that even want to do some of my hobbies, i don't know am i staying with dp forever or not, but actually can enjoy life a little bit and can live with it, don't lose hope, don't sleep, i'm exhausted most of the time, very tired, but i'm doing lots of stuff during the day, taking care of myself and my family, making love, watching movies, playing computer games, making my make up and my nails and i enjoy it while having dp, yes it's a combo of pills and my new attitude, i can't forget about dp even for 10 mins, so probably i will still on pills forever, but i'm alive, i can feel and enjoy in my own way doing something. Please avoid suicide, push yourself, it gets easier as long as you trying to change your attitude, i would't believe that a few month ago, i was very pessimistic, but if you are still alive and didn't choose to give up please please live your life against all this, i even started to have hope that one day i will be free of it, but if not, i'm not gonna lose my life, my beautiful life, sometimes i even look in the mirror still seeing myself a bit distorted and saying, i'm so beautiful the world can't lose such a beautiful person)


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Alex, you are so right, everytime i read your posts,some time ago i was thinking ok he is out so it's easy to say, now i agree with you completely, i remember my mom was persizting to make me take some medication, i was like no never, i'm not gonna be on pills my whole life and now i have such a relief with pills that if i have to take it till my last day i will, cause i can live at last, life is so precious, maybe we will never have one ever, hang on to hope, fight yourself, fears and all the symtomps, live against everything, month ago i was waking up with the thought that i can't live through another shit day, now i'm waking up thinking ok i have dp still, let it be, but, i'm going to have my tasty breakfast!


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

Alex617 said:


> I know that feeling all too well brother. With or without symptoms, I felt like I had a chronic 'tension' in the background at all times. I would forget about it if I was lucky by being really focused on something, but it was always 'there'. Once I realized there was no escaping it, that I would have to eventually figure out what was causing it and to embrace it that I began making rapid recovery.
> 
> My greatest goal in life was not to achieve something like success or fame, but to be able to have a peaceful day, to just be able to wake up and have my breakfast without anything to run away from.


what the?...you still take medication???...no wonder that you think you are cured...stop your medication for a week and i bet you will fall back...its not that i would wish this happening to you...but its most likely that it will...i cant believe that you really thought youre over dp/dr..i said it and i say it again..youre only cured if not even the initial trigger can bring back dp/dr..

btw. i dont take any meds and i feel better than in the first year..but its never completely gone..and im suffering for almost 2 years now...its terrible


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

what's the point to say that, everyone here is dreaming to have a relief and i'm sure if you'll be promised to take pill a day and have no dp you will take it straight away, it's much better than to live your life as living hell forever looking for a magic natural cure.

And by the way pills don't cure it, if everyone could take a pill and get rid of dp there won't be any sufferers. Pills didn't help me to come out of it, but it give you support to live your life and function with a chance to be out of dp


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

Marinkawr said:


> Guys, i was on the very bottom of this condition 6 month ago, i couldn't feel and recognize my whole body, i didn't understand who am i and also couldn't recognize my relatives and enviroment, i was scared of myself and of everything around, i was floating on air and my derealization was like hell, i was too far from myself and from everything around, i really wanted to die and i couldn't cope with that condition anymore, i asked my mom to find me a phsyciatrist, i didn't believe that it will help, but i wanted to try all the options, he gave me cymbalta and neuroleptics and with the time i became better, i still didn't want to live and had a horrible depression, i didn't want to see this new reality with dp, but then i realized that my life is passing by, i'm not alive and not dead, but if i'm not choosing to die, then i have to live somehow, i was training my brain that everything is real and i don't have to be scared, then one evening something happened to me, inside, i felt something unusual, some relief and it was a moment when i understood that i don't have this feeling of who i am, since that time i've started to avoid thinking about who i am, so the end was that i had my whole body back, most of my emotions, my dr became very low and i can function, i can live my life, be a good mom and wife and daughter. I don't want to put my family through my suicide, cause no matter how painful it is, if i die, i would never have the same people with me, i would never cuddle my son, my mom, won't kiss my husband, even if there is afterlife the won't me, same me anymore. I've read here when someone said that he can cope with dp feeling it like a backpack and maybe next time it will feel like a backpack with feathers, i really believed in it, it is a lot about your attitude to it, you have to push yourself to live, do usual stuff, now i can feel that even want to do some of my hobbies, i don't know am i staying with dp forever or not, but actually can enjoy life a little bit and can live with it, don't lose hope, don't sleep, i'm exhausted most of the time, very tired, but i'm doing lots of stuff during the day, taking care of myself and my family, making love, watching movies, playing computer games, making my make up and my nails and i enjoy it while having dp, yes it's a combo of pills and my new attitude, i can't forget about dp even for 10 mins, so probably i will still on pills forever, but i'm alive, i can feel and enjoy in my own way doing something. Please avoid suicide, push yourself, it gets easier as long as you trying to change your attitude, i would't believe that a few month ago, i was very pessimistic, but if you are still alive and didn't choose to give up please please live your life against all this, i even started to have hope that one day i will be free of it, but if not, i'm not gonna lose my life, my beautiful life, sometimes i even look in the mirror still seeing myself a bit distorted and saying, i'm so beautiful the world can't lose such a beautiful person)


but what if i dont want to take pills..what if i dont have a family or people who care..its not that easy for everybody...and i am convinced that i dont want to live when i have to deal with dp/dr another 2 years or more...i just want this to stop because i cant function this way..im a hopeless wreck with no energy left..i guess euthanasia..would be the best


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

No one can stop you from doing this and if you don't have anyone to care for you, no one will, i remember how one girl who was out of dp told me that she was reading stories that people had dp for ages and she was so depressed and suicidal and then she thought why should i believe in it? How do i know that it will last forever for me? What is my story? And i remembered exactly this thing-what is my story? And it changed my life! I realized that no one can take my hand and lead me through this dark woods of dp, i can't be angry at the world and shout i don't want this and i don't like that, cause no one is in my shoes, this is my story and i have to deal with it myself, so it's up to you to live or to die, no one can help you, but at least you can try to do something for yourself and try some medication, why do you think it will last forever? Why it's so easier to believe that it is the end? Death is irreversible, while life always can bring many surprises.


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

i did everything for myself and nothing works...and what leads me to believe that its endless is the fact that everyone has to deal with it forever and ive never been convinced by a success story....death is truly irreversible and thats why its the only relief from dp/dr and i dont want to kill myself i want to get euthanasia..but thats not possible because people say im not suffering enough...these fucking fools dont know shit about me!!!

btw. ive tried meds but they always gave me anxiety or panic attacks...

so how can i enjoy this life...im not one of these stupid people..i have a lot of ideas and fantasy..not even this can help me now...


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## pasha (Jan 2, 2016)

how to kill myself


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Ok, i do understand you with all my heart, and if i could give you any kind of relief i would, i do care about you even if i don't knkw you, cause i was like that and all i'm trying is avoiding this thinking pattern, make a list of your symptoms and what are you doing during your day. Let's work it out together. I don't want you and Pasha to die. Please guys let me know how you feel you can add me as a friend on facebook or skype. It's westleyrichards. Please


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Guys seriously please stay alive, don't give up


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

Marinkawr said:


> Ok, i do understand you with all my heart, and if i could give you any kind of relief i would, i do care about you even if i don't knkw you, cause i was like that and all i'm trying is avoiding this thinking pattern, make a list of your symptoms and what are you doing during your day. Let's work it out together. I don't want you and Pasha to die. Please guys let me know how you feel you can add me as a friend on facebook or skype. It's westleyrichards. Please





Marinkawr said:


> Guys seriously please stay alive, don't give up


thanks for your understanding..i always try to avoid these obsessive thoughts myself but it doesnt work permanently..there is not even a minute i dont think about dp/dr, how bad i feel and how it ruined my life...

*symptoms appearance intensity*

° depression every day once high

° dizzyness almost always medium

° exhaustion always medium to high

° obsessive thoughts almost always medium to high

° anxiety every now and then medium (unless im on drugs)

° visual distortions always medium

° sleep deprivation rarely low

during most of my days im sitting in my room watching tv, playing games, going to the super market and surfing on the internet...the other days im taking walks in nature, visit my psychiatrist and my family or even friends....thats it...i feel that my life is over and im just a dead body moving around and faking a real person...


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Look Disruption, sorry, don't know your name, your symptoms are not the most horrifying, even if it looks like that, at least you know who you are, you do recognize your body and so on, so! It's already a good, very good thing. Me too thinking about it all the time and having a depression, sometimes horrible depression, but i'm trying to ignore it and do stuff. My life is also ruined by dp, but i look around and saying to myself that everything is still the same, bothing changed. I think we need to make changes. First of all if you would decide to die, you will be dead by this time, it means you really don't want it, you just suffer and tired, if you are not already dead than try to cope somehow, it's easier to say i want to die, than to go and kill yourself. So, if you do not have anyone who would care, think how to change it, maybe try to find a girl, buy a dog, change this point of life, i'm thinking about finding job, trust me i don't want to, but we have to live somehow. About depression, it get's easier if you will occupy yourself, clean your flat, do something constantly, it helps a lot, many people are suffering from different deseases, so don't think that you are the one who is struggling, you probably will say i don't care about the others, but...thinking that everyone is fighting something makes your life more understandable, that is your story, shit happens and we don't know why, but it's not a video game, there probably won't be to be continued, you can't stop it and start over again, so solve it step by little step. We can do some small achievements and report it to each other. Think how can you change main things, not symptoms, like having someone close, finding new occupation, believe me, it's hard for me, i have a family, i have to look after all of them and be normal wife and mom and daughter, it's a huge challenge in this condition and it is exhausting, but as more busy i am and more avoiding stupid thoughts your mind is changing the pattern, it does happen, 40 days to learn new habbit for your brain, train it, you'll see the difference. I also have visual distortions, but i don't care anymore, in comparison when i couldn't ynderstand who i am, it is nothing, but for sure i want to see like before. Move move move


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## Disruption (Apr 24, 2016)

ok i began to do stuff i'd normally do without dp/dr but its quite overwhelming...right at this moment..i feel great...dont know why...but my feelings are exploding its almost too much for me after all this time of not really having good feelings...

and what you said is right it is my way and this suffering belongs to me...maybe i shouldnt give up so early...but its so hard to feel this for such a long time and still be strong ...

sry..i feel so good at this moment..i need to get out and take a walk...we'll talk later


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