# Blank mind depersonalization



## azteca (Dec 28, 2013)

Hi I have been living with depersonalization for about three years now. I have searched the internet for so long about what I've been going through, wondering if it was lyme disease, mercury, candida, brain tumor, etc. I've settled on depersonalization even though I don't have a lot of the hallmark signs. I don't have out of body experiences, my environment doesn't look unfamiliar or anything and I don't feel like my thoughts are foreign or belonging to a personality that isn't me.

Basically for me I feel disconnected from the environment to a degree so my thinking process is impaired. A lot of the time my mind feels blank and its like I'm trying to force myself to start thinking and feeling emotions like I used to. This all started after a year of anxiety due to events in my life and was made much worse by smoking marijuana frequently which started to make me very anxious and paranoid. The depersonalization came on slowly and my mind first became very fuzzy/foggy and I couldn't focus. Some of the fuzziness has left but my mind is very quiet and my internal monologue doesn't function properly. I'm unemotional most of the time and detached from the world/people. I have to force normal facial expressions.

It's strange though because my brain can obviously think. I am in graduate school and am doing well on my tests, I could write papers and hold a conversation normally. I guess I can do all the logical thinking but my emotional brain/ inner world is not working. This said I do have moments of depersonalization where I can feel emotions and think normal but this doesn't last long if I'm sober. I have done mdma/ecstasy and also hallucinogenic mushrooms and felt completely normal and happy again.But once I sober up my mind becomes dull again.

Also when I wake up from drinking with a hangover I can think normally again but feel depressed so I have kind of stopped doing that. Any advice or help recovering? Also it seems the physical correlates in the brain for our disorder is abnormal PET scan showing impaired metabolism in several areas from a study done in 2000. And I've heard our prefrontal cortex is inhibiting our limbic systems making us emotionally numb. Any new science?


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## azteca (Dec 28, 2013)

Hey just wondering if many others have a blank mind as well. Like if it's hard to consciously think about things. And if so how to improve this symptom.


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## Abaddon (Jan 3, 2014)

This describes almost exactly how I feel.


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## azteca (Dec 28, 2013)

So basically I should let my mind relax and not try to force my thinking to work like it should? Then my brain can feel safe/ less hyper vigilant and be able to respond to stimuli and I will start to think again normally?


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## Abaddon (Jan 3, 2014)

So, the less attention you pay it, the better?


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## Abaddon (Jan 3, 2014)

What are mindfulness exercises? o:


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Yes I have the blank mind too it's rlly hard for me to get motivated to do anything it's like I'm stuck in a meditative state with no thoughts or mind chatter it's horrible & as Selig said it makes working very difficult


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## gasspanicc (Mar 21, 2012)

ya im kind of in the same boat, basically reformatting my brain, kind of have to consciously do everything. not a big deal, just not use to it lol.


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## MiketheAlien (Nov 7, 2013)

I can relate to this so much. I have extreme trouble absorbing anything anymore, like reading or watching movies, my memory seems so distant and out of reach. It feels like i cannot think properly or my consiousness is damaged somehow and I am running a few wires short of a full circuit. It is like I cannot experience what I am experiencing...if that makes any sense. Wish you all the best in 2014, happy new year.


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