# Moments of clarity



## nemesis (Aug 10, 2004)

I hope for this to be the beginnings of what may just turn into a story of hope for those long term sufferers of this illness. I've suffered with chronic DP/DR/Anxiety/Brain Fog <insert anything which may hold you back from life here> for the last 8 years. Its been so bad that I'd pretty much come to a grinding halt, wracked with depression over the symptoms and at points, barely able to care for myself. Right in the middle of a time when I thought things couldnt get any worse, Ive taken an interesting turn.

There have been a few moments over the last few days where I actually feel like Im 'connected' to the world again. The brain fog has parted briefly and I've been able to enjoy what might be maybe 1 to 2 minutes what I can only guess is normal function. There?s an interesting feeling which precedes the moment of clarity, I can only equate it to the feeling you might get if you were ripping through a sheet of thick semi-transparent rubber that has kept you insulated from the world outside. My mind feels sharp, less cluttered and less suffocated by source-less overwhelming by feelings of doom. Sounds became less muffled, vision becomes clear and my focus can be fixed on an object without darting around uncontrollably from one target to the next.

I?ve tried to analyse how I was feeling and thinking preceding the moments of clarity and all I can come up with is that for a brief moment I was accepting of my condition. I wasn?t being hard on myself as far as personal expectations go, and most importantly I was less anxious and was not 'self checking'. Things, well everything, just didn?t seem quite so overwhelming. I can only hope that these brief moments of enlightenment are the signs of a proverbial seed being planted. I hope to be able to nurture those moments and try and hold myself within that zone for as long as possible, hopefully extending it each time.

It seems that understanding and acceptance may just be the key for some. Good luck to you all.


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## Guest (Oct 27, 2004)

I can accept it...but how do I understand it when my mind is too foggy to capture any information?


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## nemesis (Aug 10, 2004)

There was a point in time in the past where my mind was completely overwhelmed and decided to take a holiday leaving a bowl of pea soup in its place. That was 8 years ago and I?ve fought the forgetfulness, the fog and confusion since. I drove myself hard to perform, convinced that this was only an issue of laziness and curable by discipline. Looking back that mindset only made it worse. The brief few moments of relief only came after I began to understand how stress and anxiety affect the mind. I gave in, stopped fighting and allowed myself to feel everything I've feared. The symptoms never showed themselves while I was accepting which leads me to guess that in my case, the symptoms were the product of anxiety and fear alone.

Be kind to yourself and allow some time to heal.


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## dreamcatcher (Sep 23, 2004)

glad your on the right track nemises


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## shadowness (Sep 12, 2004)

inspiring post nemesis...

i think acceptance is needed in my case too....but it is so hard...

i keep fighting the feelings and i think it just makes the situation worse...

thank you for posting this 

take care...


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## Guest (Oct 27, 2004)

So, nemesis, when you are accepting you are more in the here and now. (?)

Or only in the here and now which makes you concentrate on one thing( rather than " darting around uncontrollably from one target to the next"), because that is what you can do in one moment anyway-only one thing at a time.


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

nemesis said:


> I hope for this to be the beginnings of what may just turn into a story of hope for those long term sufferers of this illness. I've suffered with chronic DP/DR/Anxiety/Brain Fog <insert anything which may hold you back from life here> for the last 8 years. Its been so bad that I'd pretty much come to a grinding halt, wracked with depression over the symptoms and at points, barely able to care for myself. Right in the middle of a time when I thought things couldnt get any worse, Ive taken an interesting turn.
> 
> There have been a few moments over the last few days where I actually feel like Im 'connected' to the world again. The brain fog has parted briefly and I've been able to enjoy what might be maybe 1 to 2 minutes what I can only guess is normal function. There?s an interesting feeling which precedes the moment of clarity, I can only equate it to the feeling you might get if you were ripping through a sheet of thick semi-transparent rubber that has kept you insulated from the world outside. My mind feels sharp, less cluttered and less suffocated by source-less overwhelming by feelings of doom. Sounds became less muffled, vision becomes clear and my focus can be fixed on an object without darting around uncontrollably from one target to the next.
> 
> ...


Nemesis,

I agree. Very inspirational post. Today is the 10th anniversary of DP/DR onset for me. Today is very difficult.

I'm wondering if you ever suffer from high anxiety or panic, along with DP/DR.

My anxiety led to DP/DR and it's hard for me to leave my house even. I work out every day and work, but it's getting more difficult.

I wish you continued success on your recovery...

Jeff


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