# Hi to everyone, I am glad to have found others who suffer



## freesong (Dec 26, 2005)

I started experiencing these weird symptoms while I was withdrawing cold-turkey from xanax tranquilizers after being on them for 23 years. Brief history of my life includes deep depression and anxiety disorder for years but no derealization or depersonalization and I experienced all the same emotions that I did from childhood when life could be wonderful and almost euphoric at times. I just got very sad and very scared. I was married for those years and I experienced a great deal of stress with my husband and had numerous nervous breakdowns. ( I thought all of that was bad) This disorder (if I do indeed have it) is a nightmare unparalled. I don't experience anything anymore but an altered state of some sort. I can't enjoy anything. I feel apart from the world and nature. I can't experience, therefore, iI don not enjoy a sunset, a book or anything. The trees outside my window look lifeless and unlike they did before. My house is not the same to me. I feel as though I have lost my soul. I am so afraid that I will remain this way forever. My children, although grown, still need me and I am not the same person. I need help and I don't know where to turn. When I sleep, my dreams are different as though there is no life in them or light. Dark is darker if that makes any sense. Everything is flat and lifeless. I am overweight because I have been so afraid that I eat. I feel lifeless all the time. I am afraid to die for fear of going to hell. I used to be close to God and now I can't experience Him anymore. I truly would love to have some help if anyone has experienced any of this, I am afraid that my brain is damaged and I will never be the same. Thanks so much for your time in reading this. Bless all of you who are suffering in similar ways. I am so sorry for us all. Freesong


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## Guest_ (Sep 17, 2005)

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## freesong (Dec 26, 2005)

Thanks for your reply. I have had severe depression in the past but did not experience an altered state. I did not see the world like this. When I am in nature, it is different. I feedisconnected from the universe. Everything is flat and different. When I was depressed, I still had feelings. I still could be happy sometimes. With this whatever it is, I never exerience any feelings. I just feel empty and dead inside. It is as if some space creature took my very soul. I can look at a sunset but I can not feel anything. I used to experience intense emotions at times. I could feel so many things. I would awaken in the morning with an excitement for the day. Now I awaken and feel weird and apart from life. My ears ring so loudly that I cannot sleep at night. I sometimes feel like the house is closing in on me. I feel all inside myself. I don't really know how to explain it. I don't read anymore because there is no meaning there for me. There are just words on a page. I used to love to listen to music. It is empty for me now. My dreams are even different, they are not as light and vivid. They are kind of shadowy. My memories are very dimmed. I don't feel love like I used to. I can feel angry and sad. I lost the other emotions somehow. The sadness can't be expressed much through crying though. I feel like a dead person alive. Does anyone else experience anything like this? I need help so badly.


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## Guest_ (Sep 17, 2005)

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## Guest (Dec 27, 2005)

Same here..this site is so EXAUSTING! 8)


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