# I just don't give a fuck



## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

When I'm in a crisis, as I may or may not be right now, I'm dependent on other people to help me out and I appreciate it.

But when they tell me about the stuff going on in their lives, I act interested but the truth is I can barely give a fuck.

Mabye because I'm in a high stress time I don't know.

But it's really hard for me to care...at all. about others tragedies.

Like, I couldn't care less when the London bombing happened. I was too busy hating myself for one thing or another. The idea that terrorists killed 50 people meant jack shit to me.

I wonder why this is? I wish sometimes i could care more, if at least to not look like an idiot nodding "hmm yeah" when hearing of some horrible tragedy.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

i partially answered it...

i hate myself because i don't live up to the image of me i have

and i'm busy working on it

and i HAVE to have that image

because i don't want people to see ME

I don't like ME

but there is no such thing as what we see on TV we're all a bunch of unlikeable or really likeable MEs

And if i let go of working on my superficial self instead of constantly monitoring it i would find my "real self"

and then focus on bombings.

thanx again for posting that narcissism link xeper


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## dakotajo (Aug 10, 2004)

Im exhausted.


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

"Like, I couldn't care less when the London bombing happened. I was too busy hating myself for one thing or another. The idea that terrorists killed 50 people meant jack sh*t to me."

Yeah, I remember this. I was pretty offended by your reply to a post I made about sending my condolences to our friends in the U.K. You response was something kind of smarty sounding along the lines of "HAHAHA... oh yes but of course I care about all the little children."

But I let it go... we all grieve in our own special way I suppose. Sometimes it can take us a few weeks to let things sink in.

The suicide bombings in Bagdad make me completely ill. Real bodies blasted apart every day. People picking parts of their relatives out of trees. Every day. But you know what, I just had a pint of caramel Haadgen Daaz a few minutes ago. The whole thing. Totally creamy, melting in the NYC heat as I'm eating it. Yumm.

You know what I mean?

Take it all in. Whatever life offers us. Its all food for our growth.


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

The people who were blasted into little pieces learned from their suffering.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

"This does not however mean that suffering in the psychological sense is not marked by a specific "activity". This is in fact that multiple and subjectively differentiated "activity" of pain, sadness, disappointment, discouragement or even despair, according to the intensity of the suffering subject and his or her specific sensitivity. In the midst of what constitutes the psychological form of suffering there is always an experience of evil, which causes the individual to suffer.

Thus the reality of suffering prompts the question about the essence of evil: what is evil?

This questions seems, in a certain sense, inseparable from the theme of suffering. The Christian response to it is different, for example, from the one given by certain cultural and religious traditions which hold that existence is an evil from which one needs to be liberated. Christianity proclaims the essential good of existence and the good of that which exists, acknowledges the goodness of the Creator and proclaims the good of creatures. Man suffers on account of evil, which is a certain lack, limitation or distortion of good. We could say that man suffers because of a good in which he does not share, from which in a certain sense he is cut off, or of which he has deprived himself. He particularly suffers when he a ought"?in the normal order of things?to have a share in this good and does not have it."

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_ ... is_en.html


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

"The people who were blasted into little pieces learned from their suffering."

Please elaborate.


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

"In the midst of what constitutes the psychological form of suffering there is always an experience of evil, which causes the individual to suffer."

Please elaborate.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

"Thus the reality of suffering prompts the question about the essence of evil: what is evil?

This questions seems, in a certain sense, inseparable from the theme of suffering. The Christian response to it is different, for example, from the one given by certain cultural and religious traditions which hold that existence is an evil from which one needs to be liberated. Christianity proclaims the essential good of existence and the good of that which exists, acknowledges the goodness of the Creator and proclaims the good of creatures. Man suffers on account of evil, which is a certain lack, limitation or distortion of good. We could say that man suffers because of a good in which he does not share, from which in a certain sense he is cut off, or of which he has deprived himself. He particularly suffers when he a ought"?in the normal order of things?to have a share in this good and does not have it."

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_ ... is_en.html


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

That's smart-alecky. You're implying the answer is already here and I'm too "dim" to see it no?

Have a good night Sojourner. Sweet dreams.


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## Phill (Sep 27, 2004)

Person 3, the fact that you wish you could care more means that the REAL
you really does care. I heard the real you in your post and i really hope you find the real you again.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

I wallow in Scattered's delicious cynicism. I urge you all to do the same - it keeps you healthy. Sometimes I think (and I'm not joking) that it was my relentless cynicism that saved me from long-term chronic DR/DP, I really do. My attitude and approach to DR/DP was with the same narcacicicisticic selfishness as my approach to most other things. I was *furious* at it and it scuttled away after a while. How dare it stop me wringing whatever happyness I could squeeze out of life!

I'm not saying that being consumed with anger is a totally healthy way to live, :lol: , but it helps from time to time. We just pay for it in other ways.

Sojourner - please tell me, what the *hell* are you talking about ? I know I'm thick as pig shit, but you replies never seem to make any sense. The phrase 'going off a tangent' seems to been invented for you !! In the nicest possible way of course. You must remember that not everyone believes in the same imaginary friend as you do. And besides, I'm the only one on this forum who is given the lattitude of falling in love with his own voice. So back off mate... 

Person3 - there's nothing wrong with being too busy hating yourself not to pretend that you give a s**t about anything else. Suffering is relative. I rarely give a damn about anyone else outside my immediate sphere of influence. Makes us bad people ? I don't think so. It's just life. If I had the time or inclination to shed tears over every shitty thing happening on this planet, I wouldn't have time to breath. If I were honest, I feel more a lot more sadness and anger over cruelty to animals than I do to people.

Pretending to give a shit is worse than apathy. :wink:


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## gem (Aug 10, 2004)

person3, you say you do not seem to care, you listen but you just do not care. Sometimes when we are in a high state of anxiety and dp/dr are emtions can become frozen. It does not mean that you truly do not care what it means that for now you just cannot feel the impact of what is going on around you because your mind is exhausted from the pain you are in. I believe you do care, you would not have posted asking why do I feel like I do not care? By posting means that you are upset inside because you do not feel. Dp/dr can block true feelings. I think also that when we hear such awful things that happen in this world it can unbearable to just hear them.

gem.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

> "HAHAHA... oh yes but of course I care about all the little children."


what?

bright23, where did i say that? I don't know what the hell you're talking about! I deliberately avoided the London threads for the most part for fear of saying something "not warm enough"...

sorry if this is a misunderstanding, but unless i had a total lapse of reason i don't think i would ever come out and say something like that as a direct response to "we should send our condolences". i just try to stay out of it altogether.

thanks for the response tho


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

person3,

Sometimes it does seem as though in a state like this, it's common that people have hardly any or no sympathy at all because, like you said, they are too worried about themselves. This isn't something you should accept and it is something you can change with time. That is if you want that.


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

Ben
Great Contributor
Joined: 20 Apr 2005
Posts: 301
Location: With my mind: in the gutter.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 4:38 pm

"Try and live life to it's fullest."

Amen brother.
_________________
Feeling Real.

soiledangel
Contributor

Joined: 02 Jul 2005
Posts: 33
Location: London, U.K.

wish I could

I guess its having an 'inner terrorist' (yes I have approached 'her' in therapy)is what can make it so hard, at least one of the things, anyway...

(living in London and trying to dissociate, but its not working so far Sad )

Katie

bright23
Regular Contributor
Joined: 06 Jun 2005
Posts: 127
Location: brooklyn, ny

Feel at a loss about todays events, it looks really grim in the "real world" presently.

My thoughts are with our friends in the U.K. Peace.

person3
Senior DPSelfhelp.com Member

Joined: 09 Aug 2004
Posts: 763
Location: Okiehoma

hahaha

good heart...

*ahem*

I mean of course I love the little children! And the trees!


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

oh crap i didn't mean it like THAT!

i was joking about how ben said we had good hearts and I was all like "suuure i have a good heart" (implying i had a bad heart) and then pretending to cover it up with "oh i mean i love children!"

stupid joke

nothing to do with the bombing...just w/ben's comment about how we're good hearted

heh


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

Marty wrote:



> Sojourner - please tell me, what the hell are you talking about ? I know I'm thick as pig sh*t, but you replies never seem to make any sense.


Thank Christ, I thought I was the only one that didn't get sojourner's posts. No offence sojourner but sometimes I just don't get what your trying to say.

I'm off to join the 'Thick as Pig Sh*t' party.

P3 no need worry. High anxiety always mutes your emotions and makes you self centred. It's the nature of the beast unfortunately.


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

Good to know, Person 3. It was an emotional day for sure, makes for being prone to misunderstanding, and that's how I took it.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

You mean my "tool" comment?

I was referring to the poster's brain, not the other one. :lol:


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

that's ok bright23. i admit i could have been more forgiving in my last post but i'm going through some serious stress right now too. so i had to be self centered instead 

oh well, thanks for the replies!


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> I was referring to the poster's brain, not the other one.


Thanks, that make everything much clearer.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> > I was referring to the poster's brain, not the other one.
> 
> 
> Thanks, that make everything much clearer.


There's not enough evidence in those six little words to convince me I know what they really mean.


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## whiterabbit (Aug 16, 2004)

Just to say person3 that I had entirely the same feeling of non-reaction to the bombings and they were only happening a mile away from where I live - the fact of them could not dislodge my feeling of not being and my preoccupation with that. All feelings and thoughts I might have publicly or privately tried to direct to the events going on across the river were false. And that _felt_ awful - that's what always gets me how the inability to feel does in fact feel awful.....that is the kind of nightmare Edward Munch The Scream kind of feeling............

Anyway, thanks for expressing this on the boards - it was helpful....

Sarah x


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

well I kinda care about the bombings and things similar but it doesn't make me feel any better person or otherwise feel that I actually experience emotions. So you don't miss anything.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

You know, I don't know if I really would have cared, deep down, if I had NO mental problems. I think a lot of people really can't fathom it or care on a very deep level, just because it's so alien and strange and we're so jaded by terrorist warnings anyway. Some people have high compassion and others don't.

Like I was kind of like 'wow that's weird' when the OKC bombing happened. I was not dp'd or anything...this was YEARS before that happened. It was 1995 and I was 2 hours away from where the bombing occured.

Also, I know some people who are compassionate to the point of tears for this stuff..one, in particular, whose compassion is part of this whole "serve everybody else but me" neurosis that is no better than what we have. It doesn't seem to be real, true compassion.


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## Lilymoonchild (Jun 18, 2005)

Sojourner said:


> Christianity proclaims the essential good of existence and the good of that which exists, acknowledges the goodness of the Creator and proclaims the good of creatures. Man suffers on account of evil, which is a certain lack, limitation or distortion of good. We could say that man suffers because of a good in which he does not share, from which in a certain sense he is cut off, or of which he has deprived himself. He particularly suffers when he a ought"?in the normal order of things?to have a share in this good and does not have it."


Huh, funny, cuz Christianity has been at the root of most of my suffering....

Person3,
The fact that you care that you don't care shows that you care more than you think you do. And as circular as that sentence is, I think it makes sense? I don't know how to define caring or what it *should* feel like, or what kind of reaction it *should* illicit in you. But I know for me, anyway, I get caught up a lot on what a certain emotion *should* feel like, and I think I lose the emotion in the thought.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

btw this is old new but scattered that sarcastic comment was really fucking annoying and you'll probably feel like shit for the rest of your life with an attitude like that.

have a nice fucking day.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

"When I'm in a crisis, as I may or may not be right now, I'm dependent on other people to help me out and I appreciate it.

But when they tell me about the stuff going on in their lives, I act interested but the truth is I can barely give a f---.

Mabye because I'm in a high stress time I don't know.

But it's really hard for me to care...at all. about others tragedies." P3

"Also, I know some people who are compassionate to the point of tears for this stuff..one, in particular, whose compassion is part of this whole "serve everybody else but me" neurosis that is no better than what we have. It doesn't seem to be real, true compassion." P3

Well, call me crazy, but after reading this thread for the past few days it's been on here, and thinking I wanted to post but felt a bit threatened by my position...I have decided to post. Thus, call me crazy.

P3, I am one of those neurotic compassionate people. I really care about other people and events in this world. I care for the good things that happen and feel awful when the bad things happen. Human suffering is very upsetting for me. Human kindness brings tears from some kind of primal place in my soul.

So I've been waiting to see if anyone else felt somewhat disturbed that other people can be so seemingly self absorbed and feel it is the way to be. From the way I see it, it shocks me. This is not in anyway to say who views life right or wrongly. I guess there is no right or wrong, so I want to make that clear. ( It's also not in my nature to piss someone off if I can help it. Another character flaw? :? ) It's just to say it is amazing, to me, the completely different ways people perceive and live their lives in relationship to what is happening around them.

At first I was thinking it may be a difference in ages, but upon reflection, I have always had this kind of real, true, neurotic compassion.

Is there any hope for me? :? I really feel out of sync with people.

Besides Maria, who did admit to "kinda" caring...Am I the only one who feels this way about people, life, the world? Any other kindred spirits on this site? 

Most sincerely,
terri


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## Welshlad (Jul 11, 2005)

terri* said:


> " I have always had this kind of real, true, neurotic compassion.


You're not alone there terri. I feel this is one of my greatest assets, but can also be one of my flaws. I often wonder how some people can seem so 'heartless' and I have always tried been very careful not to offend people. I think that it sometimes leads to people who have this temprement being taken advantage of for their kindness or understanding. 
So I suppose I too am a bit wierd, but everone has their wierd sides.


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

terri,

Im right there with you! When I see extreme kindness I cry and get goosebumps. I hate seeing people suffer. Although my emotions are blunted from this horrendous dp stuff, I still care so very much. Kindred spirt right here


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

i could try to be more compassionate..but I think that would be more wrong because I can't pretend to feel something i don't. maybe with time it will change. but i think it would be kind of an awful thing to fake it...sure it would help others but it can also take a toll on me.


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

"btw this is old new but scattered that sarcastic comment was really f--- annoying and you'll probably feel like sh*t for the rest of your life with an attitude like that.

have a nice f--- day."

Absolutely, that response was just plain offensive. Let me take the logic down. Dead people can't learn a lesson, they're dead... unless the all too common philisophical concept Scattered's getting at is "those blasted dead Iraqi's sure learned THEIR lesson."

That's beautiful. Imagine picking bloody parts of your grandmother out of a tree. Or how 'bout your next door neighbor's 3 year old daughter, you remember, with the beautiful singing voice? The woman you've loved for ten years, your wife... that's her left hand, how could you not recognize it? This is what life is like sometimes.

They sure learned their lesson!

It isn't compassion until you can fully put yourself there. Get right in their bloody f*ckin' boots!

It makes me think of any 19 year old GI over there right now. My God that sucks. And it will keep sucking over there until s/he's back home. And unfortunately for many it will keep sucking back at home right into drug addiction, PTSD, panic, anxiety, major depression and inevitably DP for a select few. Watch the world go round and round!

Phew... got that off my chest. Thanks Person3.


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## jake (Jul 12, 2005)

I only know what Scattered meant b/cuz I've just spent about 2 hours reading other parts of the site, and got enthralled with a long thread in the spirituality/religion/whatever it is called site. Near as I can figure, and correct me if I'm wrong Scattered was making a point about how somebody else said people who suffer grow from it and learn lessons. So it was out of context and also edgy and pointed to a particular other poster on another whole topic. Do I win a prize? Well you know how when you first get here you start reading lotsa stuff..or you do if you hyperfocus and suddenly the house is getting dusk and you've been at reading
for hours. I even payed the That's Life game a little. Ahhhh community..So I'll pull my nose back out of this now. See y'all soon.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

I agree with Jake -- you all are unjustly attacking Scattered.

You said his comment was sarcastic, but still you lambast him -- well, duh!!! He was BEING sarcastic -- he was MOCKING either ME or someone else who said something on the spirituality forum.

He took what I said or what someone else said out of its proper context and twisted it, but now YOU are doing the same thing to poor Scattered.

I totally disagree with him and will argue all night with him, but he doesn't deserve to be treated the way you're treating him.

Now, say you're sorry and kiss and make up. :roll:


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## bright23 (Jun 6, 2005)

I had a friend look at Scattered's original post last night and she said the same thing... just goes to show how subjective perceptions are...

I made a mistake that was compounded by other's misinterpretations.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Scattered's comment was a one-line slam at a few individuals with a particular view.

Scattered relied on the reader of that one line having read the other thread.

A person unfamiliar with this forum would have no reason not to read it as simply "horrible," but Scattered expected the usual perusers of the thread to know it referred to another conversation.

Thus, what a person unfamiliar with the forum thought doesn't really speak to the question of Scattered's intent.


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## Guest (Jul 31, 2005)

person3 said:


> i partially answered it...
> 
> i hate myself because i don't live up to the image of me i have
> 
> ...


it sounds like you have a form of narcistic personality disorder, or some type of personality disorder, or psychological problems relating to how you think about personality. it sounds like you have the exact same thing as me where you live at the mercy of your idea of your own image and obsession with people's images. im trying to find a specialist in these types of problems. its also known that these types of problems and clashing of egos can cause dp/dr.

ohh, i just saw that someone gave you a narcisism is. where did you talk about this and whats the link?


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

When we are ill, we are ill because we choose to be.

It's actually LESS frightening to have panic, DP, or whatever than it is to face what is really bothering us.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Sojourner said


> When we are ill, we are ill because we choose to be.
> 
> It's actually LESS frightening to have panic, DP, or whatever than it is to face what is really bothering us


Exactly what I am thinking. I just watched hotel rawanda, a great movie that has snapped me out of dp/dr completly. I might get it back tomorrow,
but I am going to face my fears. I just realized that dp/dr is not what I am realy afraid of. I am afraid of what caused my dp/dr. 
Mostly, Rejection. Now I realize that I am just selfish. dp/dr is a luxury, it sucks but it is still a luxury most people on this planet cant afford.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> When we are ill, we are ill because we choose to be


My initial knee-jerk reaction to this is to splutter out obscenities...but I'll wait for clarification. Sojourner, can you elaborate on this? Are you talking about Mental Illness only? And if so, are you alluding to some kind of buried self-destructiveness, or maybe a conscious unwillingness to be well?


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

we're unconsciously unwilling to let GO of stuff, i believe

part of us doesn't WANT to get well

because we LIKE control and obsessing

------

um stuff

------

lostone-

interesting. I once read that a study was done that found lower levels of neurosis in the Soviet Union as opposed to the US (this study was a few decades ago, obviously). Why? Because they didn't have as much choice. They had to go do certain things, they were bound to few job opportunities, so instead of dreaming all day they were so busy just trying to survive that while life sucked neurosis was also down. interesting stuff.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Yes, person3, that's what I mean. And that it's our unconscious -- the oh-so-caring little helper -- who thinks it is protecting us from the awful feelings that would just _kill _us.

Whether it's the unconscious or the conscious mind doing it, it's still us, Martin, right?


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Yeah Sojourner, I suppose so. But I'm still a little wary of labelling us all with self-destructive tendencies, as a matter of course. Perhaps though, I don't know.


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

I don't think it's really self-destructive tendencies, though. Our unconscious thinks it's _helping _us. As the adult here, though, we can say, "Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need to do that to deal with this problem." I think, but I'm not sure, that it's only the conscious mind that can say to the unconscious, "Now _knock it off_!"


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Person3 wrote



> I once read that a study was done that found lower levels of neurosis in the Soviet Union as opposed to the US (this study was a few decades ago, obviously). Why? Because they didn't have as much choice. They had to go do certain things, they were bound to few job opportunities, so instead of dreaming all day they were so busy just trying to survive that while life sucked neurosis was also down. interesting stuff.


I wonder what the results of a worldwide study on neurosis would be.
I would bet that the poorest countries would get the best results.
People in poverty don't have time for neurosis, same goes for commies.


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

LOSTONE said:


> Exactly what I am thinking. I just watched hotel rawanda....


I saw that movie too. It was really good. Makes you think about something besides yourself.

Which maybe I do too much anyway...


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Daburgh I just wish I could do something to help people. I would sacrifice my hole life for others. I just feel like anything I do to help, only makes matters worse. I do feel guilty just sitting around feeling sorry for myself though. What are we to do?


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

Last night I vented about this subject. Later I'll post it because I believe many of us probably have the same problem. Except person3. :wink:


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Yeah that person3, GET HER :evil: !

Kidding person3, actually I feel as if I could care less sometimes myself.
Sometimes I break down and just hope that the whole world explodes!
I get like this because of my helplessness. I fell so helpless, I just wish sometimes that the whole planet would just explode.


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## samantha (Jun 11, 2005)

To not give a f**k is probably a symptom of dr/dp because you detach from reality to varying degrees.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Yeah samanthas right. I go blank when people talk to me about there problems sometimes. The problem is that I am to caught up with my own thoughts and worries. I still care very much about people, it is just hard to pull myself out of the tormenting thought prosses long enough to think about others instead of yourself. I think we all have something in commen here.


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