# My DP story



## pjenkins (Jul 22, 2009)

Hello, I'm 54 yrs old and have been living with DP for 2 yrs. I hope my story will help others on this site as it seems to be the only group support vehicle out here. Please bare with the length as you know how hard it is to put in words. First, I have been diagnosed with this disorder by a noted MD who has dedicated his life to helping those with this disorder. His name is Dr Torch and he's in Atlanta. I saw him a year ago for around 4 months and his process focuses on dealing with personal history issues which he feels is the key. (I only stopped seeing him because he's $300/hr) I found him through reading the book "Feeling Unreal" by Daphne Simone. It is my story. If you have not read this you should. To my knowledge it's the only book devoted exclusively to DP/DR. I've consulted numerous doctors/therapist and have found it amazing that none (I mean none) of them had any clue as to what I was complaining about. They all tried to fit my symptoms into a convenient diagnosis. I do believe that the key to recovery lies in one's past history. I have traumatic events in my life that have caused me to "separate" from my current reality. It's like I have 2 lives trying to live simultaneously. My adolescent and my adult. My DP was triggered 2yrs ago simply by my husband's birthday. My DP symptoms have affected every part of life. Everyday is a struggle. I have worked hard the past 20 yrs to grow a successful business and now I see it disappearing everyday. I go to work as usual, but can no longer think clearly, hold information in my head and stay focused on the business at hand. My family and friends wonder what happened to me, as I don't call them and actually can't even relate to them anymore. It's like I knew them a life-time ago. Activities I once enjoyed seem boring now. And, worst of all, I feel I have no future. What's the point of all this? On the bright side, I'm not depressed about all this as I can understand it all now. I'm in intensive therapy to try to unravel this history thing and I use prayer and meditation to go day-to-day. Lastly, I want all who read this to know that I understand their situation and that it is REAL. I hope this helps someone out there somehow. Thanks for allowing this post.


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## JenS (Jul 10, 2011)

Hi pj, thanks for sharing your story and I'm glad you are a newbie too. I'm 53, and I've had bouts of dp on and off over the last 25 years. It always lifted and I felt better and "Normal" again (this last time for 14 years) , but mine just came back. Reading your post really helped me. I'm working with my old therapist remotely (since I've moved to Chicago) and trying to find a new one here. I agree it's personal history issues too and then things just trigger it. Right now, today, I'm in a constant state of panic because within a week I feel totally different. It's like immediate, and then I seek instant relief, but I know nothing is instant. I can't sleep and afraid I'm going crazy. I'm hanging on to the positive, because I know it will fade or I will get used to it again, but you are right every day is a constant struggle and we can't talk about it to anyone because they wouldn't understand. I've been telling my family it's anxiety, but it's much more. I can't think either at work and it feels like I just can't relax and have normal thought processes. I'm afraid I've lost myself. Anyway, again to be positive, I have a wonderful remote therapist for now (who helped me tremendously before). I understand everyone's situation too, and I can tell people, this does go away. We all have to be strong!


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## Angela2006 (Jan 20, 2006)

JenS said:


> Hi pj, thanks for sharing your story and I'm glad you are a newbie too. I'm 53, and I've had bouts of dp on and off over the last 25 years. It always lifted and I felt better and "Normal" again (this last time for 14 years) , but mine just came back. Reading your post really helped me. I'm working with my old therapist remotely (since I've moved to Chicago) and trying to find a new one here. I agree it's personal history issues too and then things just trigger it. Right now, today, I'm in a constant state of panic because within a week I feel totally different. It's like immediate, and then I seek instant relief, but I know nothing is instant. I can't sleep and afraid I'm going crazy. I'm hanging on to the positive, because I know it will fade or I will get used to it again, but you are right every day is a constant struggle and we can't talk about it to anyone because they wouldn't understand. I've been telling my family it's anxiety, but it's much more. I can't think either at work and it feels like I just can't relax and have normal thought processes. I'm afraid I've lost myself. Anyway, again to be positive, I have a wonderful remote therapist for now (who helped me tremendously before). I understand everyone's situation too, and I can tell people, this does go away. We all have to be strong!


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## Angela2006 (Jan 20, 2006)

Ladies - nice to see some older people on the site. I'm 55 and have had DP for 37 years. It came about after a bad drug trip, but I'm sure that was the trigger. I really never had anything traumatic in my childhood except for my parents divorcing, so I've never really been able to figure all of this out - but I am certain the bad drug trip triggered it. I haven't had any relief in all of these years. The only thing that remotely helps me is Xanax, and previously Valium. I've been on every AD out there and all they do is keep my night time panic attacks at bay, but I'm not depressed. I only get depressed when I think I will never be free of this incredible burden!

Anyway - please keep me updated, as I will you. I know another 50+ is Dreamer - I've seen her on this site and another for years! Hi Dreamer!!


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## JenS (Jul 10, 2011)

Angela2006 said:


> Ladies - nice to see some older people on the site. I'm 55 and have had DP for 37 years. It came about after a bad drug trip, but I'm sure that was the trigger. I really never had anything traumatic in my childhood except for my parents divorcing, so I've never really been able to figure all of this out - but I am certain the bad drug trip triggered it. I haven't had any relief in all of these years. The only thing that remotely helps me is Xanax, and previously Valium. I've been on every AD out there and all they do is keep my night time panic attacks at bay, but I'm not depressed. I only get depressed when I think I will never be free of this incredible burden!
> 
> Anyway - please keep me updated, as I will you. I know another 50+ is Dreamer - I've seen her on this site and another for years! Hi Dreamer!!


Hi Angela. Nice to meet you too, and yes, it's good to see some older people on this site as well. I met Dreamer the other day on here -- she is great with lots of great feedback. 
Jen


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## dp35yrs (Jul 15, 2011)

Angela2006 said:


> Ladies - nice to see some older people on the site. I'm 55 and have had DP for 37 years. It came about after a bad drug trip, but I'm sure that was the trigger. I really never had anything traumatic in my childhood except for my parents divorcing, so I've never really been able to figure all of this out - but I am certain the bad drug trip triggered it. I haven't had any relief in all of these years. The only thing that remotely helps me is Xanax, and previously Valium. I've been on every AD out there and all they do is keep my night time panic attacks at bay, but I'm not depressed. I only get depressed when I think I will never be free of this incredible burden!
> 
> Anyway - please keep me updated, as I will you. I know another 50+ is Dreamer - I've seen her on this site and another for years! Hi Dreamer!!


Hi Angela. I can't believe how similar our stories are. i am 49 and will be 50 next month. my life completely changed one night when i was 14 from smoking pot at a friend's house. about a year ago i found this forum and discovered there was a name for what happened to me. i finally became a member yesterday. I'm still figuring out how to reply and post, etc. You are the only person i've read about who has had dp a little longer than me. i've had it 35 years and i too have never crossed back to my original "reality." I posted my story entitled "new to forum" on the "introduce yourself" category. I would love to visit more with you about your long journey and compare our experiences. We both had this happen long before anyone knew what it was and probably shared similar feelings and struggles. I've been fortunate to have shared my life with so many wonderful people, but there has always been this "thing" that they could never experience or understand. Thank you for sharing and keep in touch.


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