# No DP...Just Here



## julie13 (Oct 6, 2005)

Wow, I guess it's been over a year now since I've written anything on this site. I can't believe that at one point in my life, I was so crippled by this "condition" that I could barely make it through a day. I think the reason I stopped posting altogether was because in a way, I was catering to it. I was constantly reminding myself of my dr... so I left this site and embarked on my journey.

Id like to say that the reason I believe I ever got dp/dr to begin with, was because I constantly shut myself off from ever "clicking" with people. This includes my family, friends, anyone who I encountered, I put up a wall and felt that getting to know someone...anyone...was not in my best interest. Things became "unreal"...and in a sense they were, because I was not a part of anything. Dp/dr came from being scared of that belief. It freaked me out to think about these things...the "Nausea" had me good.

Eventually, I chose to believe that life is not about solipsism, but about trying to connect. I didn't let the unknown or the things I can't control scare me anymore. Dp went away eventually.

But here lies my dilemna. Yes, Im dp free, yes I should be thankful, but I am so God damn apathetic to everyone and everything all over again. I thought maybe that it was all the meds Ive been on for years. So five months ago, I said fcuk it all, withdrew from zoloft (which was like a really bad flu by the way), and now I am 100% med free. But the apathy is still there. Bottom line...maybe not connecting with people is not such a bad thing. Carl Rogers always believed in the innate goodness in all of us. I strongly question that belief. It seems my whole life people have rooted for my demise. People are gluttonous, and they are envious, and they are greedy...they are HUMAN for fcuks sake.

I don't know, I feel like maybe my "strive" to connect with people that I've struggled for my whole life should just come to an end. If I havn't fit in by now, I don't think I ever will. I should just writhe in the cold truth that is existence and try to figure out a meaning for myself in this world. Maybe I'm just ungrateful.

My point is that getting over dp isn't the end all... it's not going to be a bed of roses when you finally make that jump...yes, its progress, but the real challenge lies in finding purpose in your life. I'm still working on it.


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## Guest (Jan 10, 2007)

TO LIVE!


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## closetome (Nov 16, 2006)

Id like to say that the reason I believe I ever got dp/dr to begin with, was because I constantly shut myself off from ever "clicking" with people. This includes my family, friends, anyone who I encountered, I put up a wall and felt that getting to know someone...anyone...was not in my best interest. Things became "unreal"...and in a sense they were, because I was not a part of anything.

I can relate to this so very much.

Where can I go from here
?


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

Humans are awesome, we are all such interesting people and have so many incredible experiences to talk about.

I reccomend trying to change your view. Even if you think the world is a fucked up place, just be the change you want to see in the world. If you give it an honest shot, you'll notice some astounding changes happening around you as well.


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## Lynch_mob (Jan 10, 2007)

CECIL said:


> Humans are awesome, we are all such interesting people and have so many incredible experiences to talk about.
> 
> I reccomend trying to change your view. Even if you think the world is a flower* up place, just be the change you want to see in the world. If you give it an honest shot, you'll notice some astounding changes happening around you as well.


Something won't allow me to, Advice?


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2007)

Lynch_mob said:


> CECIL said:
> 
> 
> > Humans are awesome, we are all such interesting people and have so many incredible experiences to talk about.
> ...


"Volunteer": French student nurses are "LORD" *nods*


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

I know the feeling. It's like you're not totally recovered yet. There's all this work to be done and a big massive void that dp left that needs to be filled with a new way of life.

Therapy? You probably really need it right now. It's like the total collapse after the disaster. Takes a long time to come back to life.

I'm going through that depression myself right now. is hould be grateful for feeling "ok", but NO! I deserve so much better than this, and if this is life than F*CK life. I swear. This is not right living at all. I deserve the fucking best by now.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Also to add, getting through the hell of the illness is just the beginning. This is not to discourage anyone at all, in fact getting through the initial hell is absolutely fantastic. The thing is, afterwords you start needing to deal with the real issues that brought you there in the first place. A lot of times this absolutely blows. But other times its great, and you feel like the DP was the best thing to ever happen to you and you thank god that DP stopped you from the destructive path you were going down.

It's a process, and right now is the time to start working on yourself, your past, your present thoughts, your relationships, etc. That will start to fill the void.


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## CECIL (Oct 3, 2004)

person3 said:


> It's a process, and right now is the time to start working on yourself, your past, your present thoughts, your relationships, etc. That will start to fill the void.


Thanks person3, that was just what I needed to hear right now  I should take more of other people's and my own advice


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