# Calling DP/DR hell??? That's stupid.



## miabella (Jun 19, 2013)

Now don't start yelling at me about how my situation must not be NEEEEARLY as bad for what I'm about to explain... but honestly, I stepped away from this site for a few days to clear my head and try to distract myself, and one of the thoughts that I had was this:

*Do you realize that by telling yourself and discussing with others how DP/DR is the WORST CONDITION EVER... you're just making yourself worse?*

I've been through it. It's driven me crazy. It's terrified me to the damn core and back. And no, I'm not recovered, I'm STILL going through it. I still have terrible panic attacks and feelings of dread and physical pain from all the stupid stress. But how in the hell is telling ourselves that DP/DR is the WORST THING anyone could EVER GO THROUGH going to help us all get better?

I LOVE that all of us have found this spot to come talk to each other online, but honestly, it's not much of a support forum on here. The recovery section is great -- since those people are recovered and can set our heads straight for a little while... but then you go over to a lot of the other threads (and I don't even start on the chat room...yes I know the disclaimer) and all it is is negativity. Reading what people typed out during or right after a panic attack is not going to help you. Their anxious thoughts are just as warped as your anxious mind, and it's just going to reinforce any anxious thoughts you have. Or increase them.

My boyfriend had a long episode of this during a VERY rough time in his life. I always ask him to remind me how he got over it... he said, honestly, he was so depressed that things felt absolutely unreal.... but he was also so depressed that he didn't even care if things were real. The way he got out of it was by giving it no focus on moving on with his life. Because I don't know if you guys have noticed, but you may fear this for a while... that nothing is real, or that one day it's all just going to vanish because you've "figured it all out"... but look at the people who have had this for TONS of years! They're lives are still going. Because whether you like it or not, reality is reality, and it's moving on without you.

So -- to finish off my rant, your "road to recovery" is not on this site. Your road to recovery is to remember that everything IS real, and that's why it's moving on.. and everyone else around you is carrying on. So if it's just your state of mind, what is the problem?? Get out and get on with your lives.

And, again, I'll say this before I get a BUNCH of crap for being so harsh/ignorant--whatever, but DP/DR is not the worst thing you could be going through. It's a damn mindset. Your life is still ahead of you no matter how you are viewing it. Ask any terminally ill patient, I'm sure the majority of them would take a little DP/DR just to keep living their lives and have a few more years with their loved ones. In fact, I don't think anyone can say any condition ever is the worst thing in the world... it's all about how you view it. Yes, if you have a terrible attitude, it will be hell... Because you put yourself there.

*By calling this the worst thing you've ever gone through (or ever will go through), you're letting it defeat you.* Stop putting it on a damn pedestal. It doesn't deserve that.


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## SongBillong (Sep 20, 2011)

Pointless post. It's a fact that for many of us, this is the worst thing we have gone and will ever go through. Moaning about it and being able to discuss it as the life-changing experience that it IS is what this place is for because a lot of us don't have anyone else to talk about it with.

I'm 70% recovered I'd say but I know for a fact that I will probably never go through a more difficult time than when my DP/DR was at its worst. It is hell. Yet I'm feeling better than I have done for years (in terms of DP/DR anyway). Life isn't life with DP/DR when it's bad. It's just DP/DR existence.

Also, don't compare it with terminal illness. It's entirely different. And none of us would honestly say that we'd prefer to have cancer or anything like that. We're not complete morons, we know it can't kill us, but it's still an extremely difficult disorder to deal with, full stop. I'm rambling now because I just don't get this thread at all.


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## NEEDMOREBLAZE (Apr 8, 2013)

this episode of DP/DR is by far the worst thing i have ever gone through, i thought i had overcome it alot during my teenage years and had a sense of accomplishment from it. I had built a nice life for myself.... graduated college, owned a house, car, money, traveled around the country on business, met new people, fell in love, had heartbreaks...loved my friends and loved my family.

Unfortunately, two Summers ago i was broken into several times coupled with a few attempted break ins while i was at home. These events sent me into a spiral of PTSD that triggered hypervigilence, nightmares coupled with insomnia, and panic attacks.....once my PTSD was triggered i noticed an inability to cope with high levels of stress....i met new projects at work with negativity and resistance, any vacation or weekend never seemed long enough to relax, my lack of rest and constant worry led to a bout of depression during the winter months, i even mentioned to several friends that i felt like i had too much going on, but in reality I had handled this type of workload before. Eventually my time ran out and DP was triggered, my mind felt absolutely gone.

The sheer trauma of having your life experienced robbed from you is more painful than anything physical that could be done to me. It rocked my world and I'm still not right from it but i will admit that it has shielded me from emotional pain, stress, and worry that is sparked by the outside world. I have had several spiritual moments where I am actually thankful for it despite how painful it has been. DP/DR doesn't care if you give it too much credit or put it on a pedestal, it is actually there for our protection....my healing process didn't fully begin until I accepted it and let my worries and fears go, i still have a long way to go but I am hopeful.

Also about this site, if you find the right people to talk to about your condition than this site can be very helpful...i would be very skeptical of ANYONE telling me that they have experienced hard core DP, I have several friends tell me that they have experienced it...but they can't relate to the extreme feelings of unreality and brief psychotic feelings that I have had....the one thing they can never relate to is the feeling that you're losing your mind or about to go insane. NO ONE currently in my life can understand the pain that DP/DR has caused me so I am thankful to anyone that will listen and share their experiences as well.

As a closing statement, most doctors do not have a clue how to handle this disorder or what really causes it....so I think it deserves all the respect we can give it.


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## Skynet (Jan 21, 2005)

It's the closest to hell that many of us have ever felt. You don't need to fall into a pit of fire for it to feel like your own personal hell. We bond together as a group because nobody in our real lives understands this. Yes... relating this to being hell is negative thinking. But it's also called being honest about our feelings. I like that your boyfriend got out of it by giving it no focus and moving on with his life. I always love positive messages like that. They give everyone hope that they can do the same thing. But this shit still fucking sucks like you wouldn't believe and unless someone has personally felt it, they will never even begin to understand how bad it really is.


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## SongBillong (Sep 20, 2011)

Skynet said:


> It's the closest to hell that many of us have ever felt. You don't need to fall into a pit of fire for it to feel like your own personal hell. We bond together as a group because nobody in our real lives understands this. Yes... relating this to being hell is negative thinking. But it's also called being honest about our feelings. I like that your boyfriend got out of it by giving it no focus and moving on with his life. I always love positive messages like that. They give everyone hope that they can do the same thing. But this shit still fucking sucks like you wouldn't believe and unless someone has personally felt it, they will never even begin to understand how bad it really is.


Spot on. Exactly what I was trying to say but you've said it better haha


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## MIndfAEL (Mar 13, 2012)

u cant say that here people get offended and defensive. been there done that lol


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## miabella (Jun 19, 2013)

My point is... focusing on how bad it is doesn't do anything except exacerbate things. It's a mindset, sure it's bad, but that's just because you're labeling it as such.


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## miabella (Jun 19, 2013)

So no, it's not pointless, because I feel like a lot of people are googling they're 'symptoms'... finding this website, then falling on a bunch of threads where people are talking about how its THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD.

Then suddenly their fear increases ten fold.


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## NEEDMOREBLAZE (Apr 8, 2013)

miabella said:


> So no, it's not pointless, because I feel like a lot of people are googling they're 'symptoms'... finding this website, then falling on a bunch of threads where people are talking about how its THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD.
> 
> Then suddenly their fear increases ten fold.


I believe that visiting this website and googling symptoms would increase the fear for someone that is in the early stages of DP. My mind was running wild with fear and worry trying to search for answers, but it eventually led me to discover the proper tools to recover and meet a few genuine people here. It's the "WORST THING IN THE WORLD" that I have experienced - just like Skynet said. If i had to choose between taking a gunshot wound or getting DP'ed i would have picked the gunshot wound.


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## miabella (Jun 19, 2013)

OK -- again ... what I'm trying to convey here is that maybe if we all look at it as something less severe (despite how you FEEL) it might help you resolve it quicker..... some call that thinking positively.


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## NEEDMOREBLAZE (Apr 8, 2013)

miabella said:


> OK -- again ... what I'm trying to convey here is that maybe if we all look at it as something less severe (despite how you FEEL) it might help you resolve it quicker..... some call that thinking positively.


I know what you're trying to say, it is known as cognitive therapy. Don't take it seriously, live your life, be positive, don't pay attention to it...put a smile on your face and say hey this condition isn't so bad. Turning on the positive switch is not easy for people with DP. Your intentions are good here, but quite frankly I would expect that kind of advice from someone that has never been depersonalized.


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2013)

In all honesty, I would have never got existential thoughts in the first place if it weren't for this website. I came to this realisation recently, and although I am over them now, they caused me a lot of discomfort for many months, discomfort much worse than the feeling of DP/DR. I read about others getting these way-out thoughts, and that's how it started. Ignorance is really bliss, I suppose. Of course I wish it never happened, but you don't realise the damage you are doing to yourself when you are innocently reading about someone elses existential struggles. You don't think that you'll absorb it at the time. You read things because you think they help, but a month down the line a few posts about something new and scary you learned about on a forum could be the reason you want to take your life. That's what happened to me. So I agree, fear spreads. Like wildfire.

But then I got a bite from a tick, and got treated for early lyme disease, and while taking my antibiotics, watched this video:






I wasn't in hell, not for one moment. All my 7 years of anxiety, obsessive thoughts, panic attacks, DP and DR would never equate to what that woman went through, and seeing it was a life-changer for me. I thoroughly recommend watching it as it's a story of hope, unbelievable strength in tough times and it really puts your life into perspective. I will warn you, it gets hard to watch in some parts, but it's worth it.


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2013)

Baba Looey said:


> How long have you had DP for? Maybe your experience of DP is not hell, but for others it definitely is. People have had this for years, chronically, without any relief.


I had it for 6 years. Of course what is hell for one person, isn't for another. It was hell for me at the time, but when I watched that video, I realised that it really wasn't in comparison. That's all I was really saying. Others might not feel the same was as I do about it, and that's fine with me!


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## NEEDMOREBLAZE (Apr 8, 2013)

Delicate said:


> In all honesty, I would have never got existential thoughts in the first place if it weren't for this website. I came to this realisation recently, and although I am over them now, they caused me a lot of discomfort for many months, discomfort much worse than the feeling of DP/DR. I read about others getting these way-out thoughts, and that's how it started. Ignorance is really bliss, I suppose. Of course I wish it never happened, but you don't realise the damage you are doing to yourself when you are innocently reading about someone elses existential struggles. You don't think that you'll absorb it at the time. You read things because you think they help, but a month down the line a few posts about something new and scary you learned about on a forum could be the reason you want to take your life. That's what happened to me. So I agree, fear spreads. Like wildfire.
> 
> I wasn't in hell, not for one moment. All my 7 years of anxiety, obsessive thoughts, panic attacks, DP and DR would never equate to what that woman went through, and seeing it was a life-changer for me. I thoroughly recommend watching it as it's a story of hope, unbelievable strength in tough times and it really puts your life into perspective. I will warn you, it gets hard to watch in some parts, but it's worth it.


Great post!!

So you really believe that if this site did not exist then your existential thoughts would have never come into play?? A random existential thought that came out of nowhere in my mind is what triggered my DP/DR in the first place. I knew nothing about this site until 3 or 4 weeks after it was triggered, this site gave me comfort knowing that I wasn't the only one that has experienced all of these crazy symptoms.

I would not for a second compare DP/DR to Lyme disease, cancer, or any other terminal illness...the fear of death is one of mankind's greatest fears, but statistics also support that the fear of losing one's mind is just as comparable. With that said, most people feel as if they are losing their minds when DP/DR first kicks in.


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2013)

...


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2013)

NEEDMOREBLAZE said:


> Great post!!
> 
> So you really believe that if this site did not exist then your existential thoughts would have never come into play?? A random existential thought that came out of nowhere in my mind is what triggered my DP/DR in the first place. I knew nothing about this site until 3 or 4 weeks after it was triggered, this site gave me comfort knowing that I wasn't the only one that has experienced all of these crazy symptoms.
> 
> I would not for a second compare DP/DR to Lyme disease, cancer, or any other terminal illness...the fear of death is one of mankind's greatest fears, but statistics also support that the fear of losing one's mind is just as comparable. With that said, most people feel as if they are losing their minds when DP/DR first kicks in.


Yeah, I got DP first, then I found this website, then when I became a more regular contributor and read a few more posts about existential questioning, It stuck in my mind because I was in such a highly anxious state.



Dreamer* said:


> Yes, pointless and rude post
> 
> 1. You can't compare anyone else's suffering with your own or anyone else's suffering. And I have seen my mother live through ten years of Alzhiemer's, and my father die of congestive heart failure. Who had the better last ten years of HIS life. My mother would rather have been dead.
> 
> ...





Vice Chancellor Selig said:


> All of this. Also miabella, I honestly cannot stand any of your posts. You come across as arrogant and self-important. I would consider working on that.


I apologise for offending some people. That wasn't my intention. I did compare my own suffering to the suffering of others and saw that mine wasn't that bad in comparison, and it made me appreciate what I had more, and helped me get back on my feet again. It put things into perspective for me. I shared the video thinking that maybe someone might end up feeling the same way, but I will admit now that I was presumptuous in assuming that that would be the case. When I post on here It's either to have a natter or to help most of the time, and of course I don't always get it right! 

It was all in personal opinion, and of course you can totally disregard it if you don't agree.

Dreamer, I have always highly respected your posts and the things you have done for this site, and I read through your website when I first got DP and I could relate a lot to your story (childhood). I am definitely not saying that I am superior to anyone. If you can describe your DP as worse than cancer, then I know that you have had a far worse experience with this (And I have always known that, from reading your posts for years) so when I say that I would prefer DP, DR, anxiety, panic attacks etc for those 6/7 years than lyme (or any other horrible/terminal illness out there) I meant the DP and DR that I experienced. The amount and way people suffer is different for everyone, so please don't think I'm trying to one-up anyone as it were, because I would never do something like that.


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2013)

Oh, now I'm confused, that'll teach me for not reading the whole thread xD


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2013)

Delicate, I was referring to the original poster, not you, lol. I just got confused at your response. Miabella was the original poster, so I guess I'm carrying on at her! 

Thank you for your kind words.

D


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## Skynet (Jan 21, 2005)

I like miabella. She says some real useful things. If you dwell on this shit 24/7, of course it's going to make you feel worse. Her message is to try to not let it occupy your mind 24/7. Then maybe you can overcome this faster. THAT'S A DAMN GOOD MESSAGE! Spending every waking moment on this board reading all the negativity is enough to keep anybody in a funk. That is why a lot of people recommend staying off this board altogether.

So I don't think her overall message is bad at all. Maybe she spoke in a way that sounded a bit cold hearted. But her general message was actually a very warm helpful one.

So don't turn on her yet. I think she's good and I happen to like what she has to say.


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## brujita_linda (Jun 12, 2011)

I think the OP's heart was in the right place, but I don't agree with her, especially here:



> So no, it's not pointless, because I feel like a lot of people are googling they're 'symptoms'... finding this website, then falling on a bunch of threads where people are talking about how its THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD.
> 
> Then suddenly their fear increases ten fold.


I only in the past four years discovered that DPD is a thing, despite having had intense bouts of it for a decade+ and being convinced I was losing my mind. For me it was nearly miraculous to find this site. I always read about different disorders & thought ok, that's what I have, I guess. It wasn't until I read about DPD that I had that lightning-bolt-from-the-sky aha! moment.

I do agree that excessive rumination is pretty commonly shared by everyone on this board. Some people can't just switch it off and snap out of it so easily. Even if the board is not helping you, you can't say that it is not helping other people. Isolation is one of the worst aspects of mental illness. If grousing and being negative with fellow sufferers alleviates that, it's probably worth it IMO.

Also Dreamer is 100% on the money about hierarchies of suffering. It is not ours to judge others' internal lives. As a depressive, I've always hated the "put it in perspective, others have it worse than you" argument. Props to you if it helps you, and yes it IS important to try to be aware of what others go through, but for me, being saying that has always compounded my guilt. Like yeah, I know other people have it "worse" than me. I must be a real total shitbag to feel this bad then. Everyone has their own shit & we must try to honor our shit and not compare and rank it.


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## NEEDMOREBLAZE (Apr 8, 2013)

brujita_linda said:


> I think the OP's heart was in the right place, but I don't agree with her, especially here:
> 
> I only in the past four years discovered that DPD is a thing, despite having had intense bouts of it for a decade+ and being convinced I was losing my mind. For me it was nearly miraculous to find this site. I always read about different disorders & thought ok, that's what I have, I guess. It wasn't until I read about DPD that I had that lightning-bolt-from-the-sky aha! moment.
> 
> ...


AMEN


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## WhereAmIwhoAreWe (Sep 1, 2015)

i would have to say in my personal struggle with this, it is hell. last year i went through some existencial crisis, i took up cbt therapy, did allot of work, and allot of healing exercises. i started to get into learning about religions, existence as a whole. through the work, the studies i made many spiritual advances. i experienced things i could not describe in words, very beautiful experiences. one day i started to feel the very ground under my feet start to shake, i felt strong vibrations everywhere around me, it felt as though the entire world was collapsing around myself, and i felt myself collapse and pass out. when i woke up i noticed i was in a different place. it was the same, but not. i thought that i had died and gone to heaven. to describe in detail what i experienced is impossible, but when i woke up, i couldn't tell myself from others. i no longer had a physical body. everyone and everything around me became angels under one being, all around i saw god. there was no more death, all i could see was light, and everything i came into contact with i could relate to as god. i felt like i was there for eternity. i felt complete, full of joy and love for all creatures and beings. during this period there was no thoughts of wondering how my loved ones were doing. i felt no grief, pain. i had died and crossed over to the other side and i was happy, i was complete. well after some time i felt something rip through this space, rip through myself, and i felt a pull back into a physical body and world. i found myself kicking and screaming not wanting to leave, but something pulled me back. since all of this i have been having trouble understanding where i am. the people places and things, the ways of the world all feel foreign to me, and idk how i am suppose to live, what i am suppose to make of all of it. i find myself experiencing urges and feelings that feel foreign to me. i have slight memories to it all, to my old self, but none of it feels like me. i have fears that i am being attacked spiritually, mentally. i try to find release, but nothing works, and i blank out all the time. nothing here feels real, but still i feel fears. i can't make sense of reality. i feel like i am trapped between two realities but not fully able to find rest in either. from all i knew of god, and heaven, what i am experiencing does not seem possible. i would like to understand this, and move on out of it, but i feel like i can't find a solid state to escape out of it to. for me it feels like heaven has turned into hell, but how do i, we turn this hell back into heaven? i feel like i search and search, but i find no answers and have been told i never died, but from what i experienced is that i did. i can't tell good from bad, real from unreal. i want to die, but i don't want to at the same time. all i want is to find god in all this. it all feels fleeting and scary. what is real?


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

DarkGift said:


> miabella, I agree 100%
> You are stating the truth. But some of the people are so delusonal, they want to play the victim so bad, they are so emmotionally involved in this dream that they are such a victim of this miserable mental disease and it cant be helped. They are helpless, and they want to collect pity tokens, wnd.then they get validation from other pity token collectors.
> If you truly had DP, nothing,no one, could reach you, touch you,influence you in any way shape or form. You would be completely indifferent to the outside.world. Yet all these people with "DP", are so sensitive, so emotional, so hurt by this terrible disease.......wait what...?
> If you truly had DP, you would be incapable of feeling anything....Physical emotions should.be a concept, a feeling long forgotten. You are suppose to come here talk about your existential thoughts, your god complex...not how DP makes you miserable and sad. That contradicts the very core of what this mental disorder is. DP makes you incapable to feel or care, you are beyond these things on every conceivable level, how the fuk are we getting so many water works regarding this disease.
> ...


If you have been "banned" twice then what are you doing here and who are you?


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## Guest (Sep 1, 2015)

Gone Now, he keeps making more accounts with a proxy, just someone with nothing better to do.


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## servadei (Aug 20, 2015)

I think I'm allowed to say I woud rather have terminal illnes than DP/DR. I more scared if living like this than dying. -.-


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## servadei (Aug 20, 2015)

"Ask any terminally ill patient, I'm sure the majority of them would take a little DP/DR just to keep living their lives and have a few more years with their loved ones."

No they wouldn't because they wouldn't feel any connection to them.


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