# I FOUND IT! I FOUND THE WAY TO MAKE IT LEAVE!



## whatisrealanymore (Nov 25, 2005)

Okay, I haven't posted anything on here for a while... sorry about that, my memory just ain't what it used to be (lil bit o dp humor there sorry).

But, I found it... this might work for you too.

Name's Evi, btw. I was with this guy who beat me up over and over about 4 years ago, when the dp started. I tried to kill myself... like really tried. Death stood me up, but it was a valiant effort. I'm glad I'm alive, though, since I have two handsome little boys now.

Anywho, that part of my past was blocked out, couldn't remember it worth anything. Today, thanks to some errands, I went down to this area called New Church, VA. I realized... this is where it happened. I saw myself on the phone, frantically calling my grandma, practically bleeding to death... It was weird. I had a flashback. I had a memory... It wasn't a blur, it was real. I could see myself there like I was a ghost, or like I went back in time. I saw everything that happened.
I cried.
I'm free.
Not dp, free, but that memory... I made peace with it. I found out what it is!

DP turns your past events into ghosts that haunt you, though you can't see them... if you can understand that. It makes reality unreal and your life isn't there... but when you reconcile or w/e, the bad things that happened to you, when you make peace with them, the ghost goes away. I can remember that day now! It sounds like a sad thing to remember, or recall, or however you guys put it (no one ever understands what we're going through, so I say I don't recall memories, though I vaguely remember them), but a piece of my broken mind came back to me!

Do it! Go make peace with your past! That doesn't mean confront the person, but go back to the area where it happened and let it go... let it fade away. Remember it... don't force it! It will come on it's own! You can do it, make it go away. I was raped 3 times in my life. I will make peace with those ghosts now. I won't confront anyone, since I have a temper, and god knows what will happen then lol, but I will go back to where it happened. I will remember it. I will cry. And I will feel it float away.

My dp isn't gone, but it's... lifted a little. I can feel more now, I'm not so numb. I can see my house, my kids, my dogs... I can see them without that distant haze over my eyes. I'm not in a trance anymore. Make it happen! Oh, and crying and anger make it worse, so try to stay happy and positive.

If I can do it, anyone can. Make peace with your past, you will feel so much better!


----------



## whatisrealanymore (Nov 25, 2005)

Oh, and by the way... my email is [email protected] if you want to contact me. Vent to me, cry to me, it's okay, I don't mind. I love to help. Tell me how you make it go away! Cross post it if you want!


----------



## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

That sounds like PTSD. You could have PTSD with dissociative features such as depersonalisation. Have you been officially diagnosed?


----------



## whatisrealanymore (Nov 25, 2005)

yeah my therapist thinks i have ptsd too... i'm all screwed up lol


----------



## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Well the flashbacks are the biggest indication. Flashbacks aren't associated with DP (99% sure). But that doesn't mean you can't have dp with ptsd too.

Keep faith though that you can get through anything and out of anything. I was diagnosed with ptsd with dissociative features. I feel better now than I ever have and it sounds like you may be on the road to recovery too.


----------



## Deja_vu_256 (Apr 27, 2009)

actually, that doesn't sound like ptsd to me - she only says that she could remember again, not as bad as reliving it (like ptsd might cause), but like having a NORMAL MEMORY AGAIN - of course that's not part of dp, it's part of the RECOVERY! anywho - glad to hear all is going well!!!


----------



## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Now lets not be picky about what is dp/dr and what is not guys.


----------



## whatisrealanymore (Nov 25, 2005)

Thanks everyone for your awesome answers. I don't think even therapists know what dp is. It's hard for my therapist to figure out what I have because I self analyze, but I can't make her understand it. She's a nice woman though, and she really is one of the few therapists that seems to care. I hope we all find the way to get rid of it. I know one thing, moping around and having a pity party for yourself never helps. I learned that the hard way years ago. I'm probably the most cheerful goth chick ever lol! Realism's for suckers, I like optimism hahaha!


----------



## ZachT (Sep 8, 2008)

What do you do if you are far away from the place that your DP started??


----------



## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Sometimes I felt like I had PTSD. I was never formally diagnosed with anything, just told I had drug issues, but one of my main problems, I felt, was trying to reconcile the senselessness and insanity of my acid experiences with real life. I think I've mostly done that.


----------



## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

ego, 
do you feel like if you had never experimented with hallucinogens that you would still have dp or feel this way? I primarily blame mushrooms and acid for opening up my mind to think about things in such a different perspective that it just opened the door for more intense problems, hence, dp.


----------



## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Garjon said:


> ego,
> do you feel like if you had never experimented with hallucinogens that you would still have dp or feel this way? I primarily blame mushrooms and acid for opening up my mind to think about things in such a different perspective that it just opened the door for more intense problems, hence, dp.


Absolutely; there's no question in my mind or any of my shrinks'. I never had anxiety issues or anything close to DP/DR until I started messing with psychedelics. Then after a good three months of heavy use, I started to think I was insane.


----------



## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

i never got heavy into it but i had a really bad trip on mushrooms which shook me for a few months. Got over that, then entered a dissociative state around 18 or 19 which lasted somewhere between 6-8 months (possibly my first experience with dp? didn't know names back then) but it wasn't severe. Then i pretty much stayed away from drugs and became an alcoholic which against popular belief, is poison, not a drug haha. Went to work one day, bam! dp. 5 months later, here i am, in purgatory.


----------



## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

Garjon, DP is purgatory, but, really. . . unimaginable hell on earth. And I had no one to talk to all those decades, so I stayed drunk. The pot DP'd me, so I'm glad I was always afraid of acid, though I still remember the mushrooms.


----------



## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

for me mushrooms and acid were always pretty much the same..people liked to distinguish between them but it all just seemed like tripping to me. I still feel a little bit like that state of mind is what dp is. While i don't hallucinate and never have while not on drugs, the things that go on in my mind seem similar to being on a hallucinogen, or maybe just high i dont know. Alcohol always made it a little better for me but i've tried to settle down as of late and have done a pretty good job i think.


----------

