# Do you ever REALLY recover: An interesting thought



## dgkallday (Sep 7, 2008)

Hi guys, havent posted on here for a while. Since my last post I have been attending weekly CBT sessions, more for my OCD than DP. Its been about 3 months, and most of these sessions are dealing with my extreme OCD that has come from my anxiety increase from DP. I wanted to share an interesting thought with you guys here. I do not mean to discourage or put down anybody about recovery by my post, nor do I mean to offend anybody, but I wanna tell you guys something that my therapist told me.Early on in my CBT sessions my therapist explained DP and recovery in a new perspective for me. She used an example of two people in a relationship, this is what she said:

Imagine two people in a relationship together. Everything is going great, until the guy finds out that the girl is cheating on him. So, the guy has two options, to work it out with his partner, and hopefully move on from this situation, or to leave her.

If you're wondering how this relates to DP and recovery, here is how. This situatuion is alot like DP. You are living life DP free, until you get a taste of it, and you find yourself constantly monitoring it. You find that you have it 24/7 and it does not go away. Just like the guy in the example above, an event has triggered a change in perception. For us with DP, it is our surreal, DP state, and for the guy in the example, it is how he looks at his partner after he finds she has cheated on him. Much like the guy, we have a choice to make. We can either recover from our event and DP, and move on in life like we did before this event happened, or we can continue living with DP. The guy from the example can try to make things right with his partner as much as he wants, and maybe they will get back together and be in a strong relationship like they were before she cheated on him, but even if that happened, the guys still knows that the girl has cheated on him. He still has that lasting impression of her, that no matter what, he will always have. This is like Dp and recovery. Even if you recover, you still have the knowledge of what DP is and what it feels like. So you can recover and feel "normal" again, but you cant ever really get back to what you had before exactly, meaning you can't go back to a life where you have no idea what DP is or what it even feels like, because you have that knowledge now.

I apologize if this has been hard to understand, it was difficult for me to explain it in the easiest way. I bassically wanted to share this with you guys because I thought it was a really interesting thought when my therapist said it. For anybody on here that has fully recovered, what are your thoughts on this? Can you say you are happy with how you feel, and how do we know when we are recovered if we have a different perception on life now? Thoughts, comments?


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## Rein (Apr 29, 2008)

Yeah it is an interesting thought, i wonder this very often; will i ever recover and will it than be total the same as before? 
Recovered ppl please answerer this.


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## bums (Dec 22, 2008)

When i felt normal for a few hours i rememer thinking about DP for only a few minutes, i found i the most boring subject ever i could hardly remember what it was like even though I was in it only hours before. I think that is true recovery.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Don't have a long time to describe this in detail - but yes it is possible to completely recover: aka feel exactly how you felt before DP/DR.

It is also difficult to remember what DP/DR felt like beyond the describing words you used when you were ill, and perhaps memories of some of the complete breakdowns you had with it.

Your therapist isn't necessarily wrong, and when I have more time I can explain. But full recovery IS possible.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I recovered from dp from one day to the next, just like turning off a switch, and I really couldn't remember how it felt to be depersonalised anymore. I was feeling great for a year, then I started worrying about getting it back, had a panic attack, and hello dp. It's been back a month now and I'm scared it will never go away again. SO, you can recover, but make sure you get help to deal with your anxiety even if you feel fine. Anxiety is the key.


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## singer24 (Sep 30, 2008)

you could say that about any illness though...cancer etc
you never know how it feels until youve had it, and if you recover from that your always going to know what it feels like.


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## Luciiz (Oct 15, 2008)

singer24 said:


> you could say that about any illness though...cancer etc
> you never know how it feels until youve had it, and if you recover from that your always going to know what it feels like.


How do you know? You're not recovered from it are you?

It's your perception thats changing here, not your thought processes.


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## singer24 (Sep 30, 2008)

you have to have an illness to know what it feels like, if you had something like cancer and recovered from it, then you would always know what it felt like.
same as if you recover from dp, you are always going to know what it feels like.
did you not understand what i said before? it was quite simple!!!!!


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I think it's easier to remember bodily sensations like pain, than to remember a state of mind. It's like being outside a beautiful summers day,feeling happy, calm, warm and content, and then trying to write down all the wonderful sensations you had that day when it's winter outside. You'd probably remember it felt good, but not being able to get any color into your description of it. If you got hit by a bus though, you'd probably remember the pain. Or you'd be dead. But that's besides the point.


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## Guest (Mar 14, 2009)

After recovery I do not remember how bad Dp.d felt, its strange. Of course I remember the description and the hell I went through but now it's very very hard to remember exactly how it felt. To be honest I don't consciously try to remember, I don't like too, I know it was hell enough to never ever want to go back there ever again. After recovery you just go back to being normal, of course you change as a person, but Dp'd is small and insignificant in the daily scheme of things-a distant memory. To be honest that part of my life is now just one big blur, a fog and I can't remember much of it now-I dunno where I was.

When I was Dp'd my whole life, past, present and everything felt unreal and non existence. Now I'm recovered the Dp.d feels like it was unreal and never happened.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Spirit said:


> After recovery you just go back to being normal,* of course you change as a person*, but Dp'd is small and insignificant in the daily scheme of things-a distant memory.


I just wonder if you feel like you are the same person now on the other side of Dp, as you were before you got it. I mean besides the experiences Dp brought with it, are you the same? Or did you feel like you had to learn to live again as a "new" you after recovering? The reason I'm asking is, the first time I got Dp I didn't know what it was and the recovery was very slow, a year or so, and then I felt like I had to start over with another "me". Seeing my old house and friends felt strange and scary to me, so I moved and have never really looked back.This is 15 years ago. I got Dp back a year ago and it came very suddenly after a panic-attack and two months later it was completely gone. I felt just like I had before so everything was fine. Then I got Dp'd again a month ago and this time it somehow feels different, and I'm scared I'll never feel like myself again or trust that I've really recovered. Do you understand? Sorry if my explaining sucks :roll: 
I guess I'm asking: Do you go back to being yourself every time, or do you get permanent damage?


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## flipwilson (Aug 19, 2006)

I have had Dp now for almost 3 years and it truly feels like a permanent prison. I had bad OCD before all this and it's the only comfort I have knowing that I recovered from OCD. When i was in the grip of OCD and I was battling rumination and obsessive thinking over a particular unsavory topic i never thought it would end, but when it would finally go into "remission" I felt so normal, so like myself, that the OCD i had been battling for a year or two seemed like a distant memory, almost silly that i ever thought those thoughts or let them bother me. It stands to reason that if my brain would right itself tomorrow, DP would seem strange because having my emotional connections back would be instantly comfortable and the idea that i went without them for so long would seem odd.


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## Guest (Mar 21, 2009)

york said:


> Spirit said:
> 
> 
> > After recovery you just go back to being normal,* of course you change as a person*, but Dp'd is small and insignificant in the daily scheme of things-a distant memory.
> ...


I do understand what you mean because I had all the same thoughts and worries that you're having now.

I am the same me, the same person as I was before. I've obviously changed and grown as a person like everybody does, even those who don't have Dp.d change and grow as people. There is a sense of continuum, I feel connected to the old me in the normal way, my memories feel like mine but it didn't feel that way straight away, it was gradual. I had dissociated from my past in other ways also so reconnecting completely to my past life before Dp.d took longer than recovering from Dp.d alone did. Although it felt like it, It wasn't like my whole self had vanished and gone forever and I had to make a new one to live through, not at all and that's what I thought at the time too. It's only a _feeling_ that you're self has gone-not a reality, your real self hasn't actually disappeared forever, it feels that way but honestly it hasn't. There is no permanent damage. Like Flipwilson said when you recover you don't have these fears, they are part of the Dp.d, when you truly recover from Dp.d the thoughts and worries go away also and reality is there as normal as it always was.


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## sjkdfjsdlf (Apr 8, 2008)

^ I most definitely agree... the fear is part of the DP. After I recovered for a period of time it's like I forgot all about it, like it never happened :?: Except that it was a growing and learning experience.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Thank you for your answer Spirit. I know what you say is true, it's just really hard to believe right now.


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## Guest (Mar 25, 2009)

If we fully recover from dp, we will be stronger than people who have no clue what it is!!! in my opinion, if you can deal with dp, and not commit suicide in the long process of recovery with the meds and the fear of leaving the house and the unreality, you will be way more mentally prepared to face anything life throws at you, know matter what it is!!!


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## Notgivingup (Apr 3, 2009)

you can think of it like this: Its the same thing with reality life (i mean life as we saw it before we got DP), You can't forget about it because you've had that feeling, you've been there so you know that this exist so if you think the way your therapist thought then it means: You can never fully have DP and feel as bad as you do because you know you once could see the reality, and that reality is always there. But this isnt true because when you have DP (at least for me) You forget about how it feels like to see the reality as it is, DP becomes your life, all you've ever known because you remember the feeling og being alive. So therefor its the same thing when you finally recover, you will forget about how DP felt, it will be far away, some feeling you had when you were a different person,. just like seeing "reality" feels far away from us who have DP now.. I dont know if anyone understood that but anyway thats how i see it


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## Guest (Apr 5, 2009)

Notgivingup said:


> you can think of it like this: Its the same thing with reality life (i mean life as we saw it before we got DP), You can't forget about it because you've had that feeling, you've been there so you know that this exist so if you think the way your therapist thought then it means: You can never fully have DP and feel as bad as you do because you know you once could see the reality, and that reality is always there. But this isnt true because when you have DP (at least for me) You forget about how it feels like to see the reality as it is, DP becomes your life, all you've ever known because you remember the feeling og being alive. So therefor its the same thing when you finally recover, you will forget about how DP felt, it will be far away, some feeling you had when you were a different person,. just like seeing "reality" feels far away from us who have DP now.. I dont know if anyone understood that but anyway thats how i see it


Yeah it does make sense, totally get ya 

i.e. : When you have DP you can't fully imagine what normality is like
When you recover you can't fully imagine what DP is like


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## Chillwynston (Apr 3, 2009)

Totally understand, also people who havent got it dont wanna think about it too much incase it comes back, but I dont believe in the condition being in remission cos I'm giving it a label, when really its just the way your mind works when faced with extreme anxiety...Whatever has triggered your dp was definately as far as your mind is concerned "extreme anxiety" whether chemically induced or not, your mind has gone through something quite similar to post traumatic stress, people dont just get it out of the blue, then you go through a vicious circle of "i'm never gonna be the same" increasing anxiety, waking up and searching hard for your symptoms, they will always be there if you keep looking for them, you need to become present, I always use the "what am i gonna think of next?" trick to quiet my mind, then look at the world, hear it!

If you havent got it it doesnt exist, its like a bruise that only heals when you let it!


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2009)

Chillwynston said:


> people who havent got it dont wanna think about it too much incase it comes back,


I don't mind thinking about it at all, I know thinking about it won't bring it back because I have healed the reasons it happened in the first place and learned new ways of coping with stress and anxiety. I believe those that relapse, while they may have healed various issues that cause Dp.d, they haven't instigated new coping mechanisms where they need to.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I know I got this back just being so scared it would come back again after giving birth to my son in december.. As soon as I felt anxious i panicked and the dp was back. I hope I'll find a way to not be scared of dp itself, but it's really hard.


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## Guest (Apr 11, 2009)

york said:


> I know I got this back just being so scared it would come back again after giving birth to my son in december.. As soon as I felt anxious i panicked and the dp was back. I hope I'll find a way to not be scared of dp itself, but it's really hard.


It sounds like your anxiety levels were very high still which could cause you to Dp.d again after giving birth as giving birth is life changing and a very vulnerable time for us woman, so you had a trigger. If I just sat here being scared of getting Dp'd again, it wouldn't happen but if I was highly anxious and vulnerable and had a major life changing trigger and if I hadn't of found other ways to deal with the anxiety at that time then I could get Dp'd again...


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## Chillwynston (Apr 3, 2009)

york said:


> I know I got this back just being so scared it would come back again after giving birth to my son in december.. As soon as I felt anxious i panicked and the dp was back. I hope I'll find a way to not be scared of dp itself, but it's really hard.


First off congrats on your new born... this is a stressful time for yourself, new huge responsibility is definately gonna create anxiety and if you 're susceptible along with anxiety comes its ugly sister DP... Just remember that DP is just a symptom of anxiety, if you can manage the anxiety the DP will disappear, dont be afraid of it, its nothing!! Shrug it off, you have so much more important issues to deal with, dont let anxiety stop you, if you are anxious then you are human.. Remember that DP, DR and all other pseudonoms are symptoms, they are merely ways your mind tries to cope with everyday life. So get on top of everything you do, don't let anxiety get you down, get angry with it!!

I used to think that DP and DR were nothing to do with anxiety, but it was the anxiety of having dp that was causing dp.. as soon as I thought "whatever" the anxiety had no trigger..


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I have actually started getting angry with it, when I'm feeling fine and the thoughts and sensations of dp/anxiety creeps into my brain again, I go "DON*T YOU DARE!!" in my head... :lol:

I'm feeling a lot better than I did a month ago, so hopefully I'm on my way.
There has been a lot of stressors in my life lately, the last month of pregnancy my stepdad had a stroke, and I was devastated. Now, me and the baby's dad is talking about moving away from eachother, so I'm stressed about that


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

what if you can't figure out what the trigger was? for me i just walked in to my work which i had been fine doing for a while and suddenly it hit. I don't really feel that anxious on a regular basis, but the dp is still there. spirit, how did this go away for you? just instantly? or did you do something. I'm sure you've been asked that before, but i haven't seen it anywhere. I can't figure out how this started, and i don't really have much stress anymore as i quite my job and i have the money to just chill right now and not do anything. I just want this to go away so i can get another job and move on.


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## Chillwynston (Apr 3, 2009)

Maybe work was your trigger? You now are stressed about not having a job, or at least worried about, if you get one, not liking it like your other job.. I guess?!

What do you get up to in the day at the moment?


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