# I defeated it



## Symon (Sep 19, 2016)

From where should I start? I am overwhelmed with everything.

Ok, It all started about 7 moths ago. I am not a big fan of weed, but tried it sometimes. But Oneday Me and my friend had couple of beer, some alcohol, wine and then weed. Unfortunately the one we had wasn't the organic one, bad thing was we didn't notice that time since we were already very drunk. Anyway after having some puff both of us had some really deep trip about 10 minutes which felt like thousand years of time travelling, and I saw pretty much everything from the beginning of time to end of time, honestly that's how I've felt. Anyway both of us got out of it, although after that I was scared to death.

And after around one week I've tried it again with a friend, this time the organic one. And almost from the very beginning of it, I realized I made the worst decision of my life. Because I had a really scary trip 7 days before, while I am not emotionally cured from that experience, I have taken it again. And that got me. Instantly I was felling very bad, I thought I will go through previous experience again. I started to sweat like hell. I took hot shower, cold shower, I drink coffee, I ate a lot, but nothing seems working. So I tried sleeping and thought it will go away in the morning.

Next morning, I wake up. Everything seemed so different, I was restless, nothing seemed real, even not me. I started to have panic attack in every half an hour, sad part was I didn't know what was I having. I felt like I was in the space. The only thing I had was some memories from my past, I was so scared to loose it, because at that time it was my only connection with old me. It seemed like I forgot everything, I forgot how to see things, how to hear, my vision was really scary. Then again I had panic attack, It all seemed a nightmares. I started to see some light, things that was not real, I was scared in a empty room with closed door, because It felt I can never go out from here. And hundreds of other symbol, I was sad, very sad. It felt like I can never go outside of it.

These continued next day, next day of next day, week, next week, next month ... next month. I am lost in time. I did't know what I was facing. I wasn't familiar with the anxiety attack, depression, dpdr anthing like that before.

But I am out of it almost two months now. Trust me, I beat it guys. I am normal, It made me a new person, life is a lot better. I almost enjoy anything now. But the way I beat it wasn't easy, day after day, night after night I researched on the internet and forums, I have talked with myself, I have learned.

This a post I felt I should write to all my brothers and sisters who are going through this period just to let them know you can be out of it. I know even right now a lot of are you thinking probably I am not real, I am a ghost from your mind and everything is an imagination. But trust me I am a real person, who gone through all of it. I was there too.

Trust me, trust yourself. I will write about detailed practices and thoughts I have gone through and how I got myself back in another post.

Feel free to ask any questions to me. I will answer all of them.


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## newzealanddr (Sep 19, 2016)

Huge congratulations to you my friend, take care and enjoy life


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## Kwesi (Sep 19, 2016)

Thanks for the helpful post.

It coincides with how I am feeling right now. Also have I had bad weed experiences in the past and my actual process or DPDR was triggered by nightmares that I experienced when I had a panic attack after a festival where I consumed MDMA. Lack of sleep and nightmares have made it worse for me over the past two months and I am starting therapy this week.

I am looking forward to hearing your methods and further details.

Cheers.


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## jestemzalamany (Sep 7, 2016)

Congratulations! you should post in recovery stories.


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