# Self Harm



## Breebalah

I know this is a touchy subject.

But if i could talk to someone about this i would feel much better.









I have been cutting myself for almost 4 years, i can still remember the first time i did it.

It is SO hard to not think about hurting myself daily.
I get thoughts about this almost every day.
Once i get the thought in my head, it is all i can think about all day!

Then after contemplating, i decide to hurt myself.
I go back in forth all day, should i do it or should i not. 
Until finally i just do it to get the thought out of my head!

When i cut myself it feels unreal.
LIKE someone else is doing it and i am just watching.

It isnt until a while after the cutting that the situation becomes real and the emotions hit me.

Does anybody else think about things like this as much as me?
Does anybody else have the same experiences?


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## Emir

Have you told your doctor?


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## pigandpepper

I spent 4 years cutting myself as well. Fortunately, it's been more than 3 years since I last harmed myself. For me it was something I couldn't control. I would have a huge inner struggle every time I felt like cutting, and eventually I would be convinced that I deserve it. After a few years, it became something I would do regularly, not just when I was upset, but during 'normal' times just as a release. Nothing felt as real as when I was hurting myself. But it was so bad. There's a quote in Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk, that I think rings true for a lot of people who have self-harmed: "When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves." I only recently realized how much I used to hate myself for no other reason than being angry and having been abused so much by so many people that I had begun to believe of myself what they believed of me: that I was worthless. 
I think the most effective solution is to find something that makes you feel like you're worth everything. It could be a sport, a band, whatever you're passionate about. For me, it was my boyfriend. We started dating when I thought the worst of myself. He helped me by being someone who thought the world of me and by caring about me has shown me that I can care about myself. I am a lady of my word, and I live by the belief that if you can't be taken on your word, you have nothing. I don't make false promises and I don't make empty threats. Knowing this, my boyfriend made me promise him I would never cut myself again, and since then I never have. 
You need to find something that can replace the negativity of self-harming with something positive.


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## Breebalah

yes. my doctor and therapist know about my history of cutting.

Also i had a boyfriend that has tried to help me stop, since being with him for about 10 months i havent done it, but we broke up and i did it again, 
he was a big help in getting me to like myself a little more and giving me more confidence.
i like that quote, i think it is very true.
thank you for sharing.


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## pigandpepper

No problem. I'm happy to help


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## axxebond

Physical harm to your body to cope with overwhelming feelings, know that you have nothing to be ashamed. Some self-harm is related to severe emotional pain. When people have experienced abuse or violence, often reappears as the emotional pain in later life. It is likely that you are keeping life and maintain psychological integrity with the only tool we have now. It is a crude tool and ultimately self-destructive, but is working to get relief from overwhelming pain / fear / anxiety in your life.


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## FoXS

Breebalah said:


> he was a big help in getting me to like myself a little more and giving me more confidence.


its important to know the reason for it! so you can work on it! why dont you like yourself? do yomething about it!


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## EverDream

I don't understand the negative reputation for this post. I guess that even to people who suffer from DP and other mental problems, the idea of self harm is still difficult to grasp.

I started cutting myself 5 and a half years ago. At first I did it all the time. Now I do it only sometimes. You should deal with the cause of what making you cut yourself. Because once you feel better mentally, no matter how much you feel you are somehow addicted to cutting, you'll have no reason or desire to do it anymore.


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## kioreija

I feel your pain. I've been self-harming on and off for 7 years. I used to do it constantly for about 3 years.
The only reason I don't do it now is that I don't think I'm worth the effort.

Sorry for such a downer post.


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