# Moments of Clarity



## illmatic (Apr 16, 2016)

Last night I was having a bad night. I had my first panic attack in weeks that came out of nowhere that made my vision "2D" that freaked me out.

I took a 0.25mg Ativan to calm me down for the rest of the night, and it made me feel amazing. I felt 100% normal and DP-free. Ativan usually makes me feel this way but this time it seemed better. I usually take 0.5mg but the lower dose for some reason had a better effect this time.

I knew it wouldn't last forever, so during this brief moment of clarity, I started thinking about my DP and my life the last 2 months while I've suffered from it. These are some observations I made.

-I remembered everything I have done for the last 2 months while I've had DP. They felt like normal memories.
-Time perception was back to normal. Things I did last week felt like last week. Last month felt like last month, etc.
-I was having weird existential thoughts like usual but didn't pay much attention to them or let them freak me out like usual. I realized I have always had these existential thoughts since I was young. They just never used to make me panic.
-I was still feeling kind of out of it, but I realized that this is normal. I had always felt kind of out of it at times even before DP but would never give it this much thought and let it get to me. Also a lot of the feeling out of it could be from lack of caffeine, which I haven't had since DP hit me 2 months ago.

When I went to bed I felt so great. I was thinking about the future and how I was going to get my life back on track. I've felt this way before on Ativan and knew the DP would come back, which it did this morning.

But one thing it made me realize is that anxiety is the key. I know this doesn't apply to anybody, but in my case I think I had a massive panic attack that rocked my world and has given me GAD since then.

This has given me a ton of hope in making a full recovery.

The hardest thing is whenever I feel spacey and foggy and out of it. This instantly freaks me out and reminds me of my DP and makes things worse.

Does anyone else have these moments of clarity, and believe that a lot of DP is because of anxiety?


----------



## alabate1 (May 3, 2016)

Yes! I can completely identify with everything your saying. Our stories are very similar. This is the third time I've gone into DP, but good news is I've come out of it every time. Its always been triggered by poor life choices, which has ended for me now. I get that feeling of calmness at night time a lot. Or when I'm driving through a tunnel. I've realized that light sensitivity cause me anxiety. Sunglasses during the day help a lot for me. Anyways, good LUCK! It will keep getting better, you got this!


----------

