# Newbie: Reconnecting with emotions?



## immenseknuckle (Jan 23, 2016)

Hi I'm new here and just have a question for other chronic dissociation sufferers.

I have read about DPDR and realised that I have probably experienced it at some level for the last 15 years, as that's when I remember the 'I'm dreaming' sensation starting to happen. I must admit that so long as I don't think about it too much it doesn't really bother me, but I read it can be difficult for others so I do not want to trivialise.

For me, the disconnection from my emotions I think might be an issue. I say this because I have had a lot of therapy but my life still seems a bit sort of hollow. I guess I'm bored all the time. A lot of therapists have suggested I need more emotional connection and I think I agree. My current therapist asks me several times when I am in session how I feel - like "how did you feel talking about that?" - and the answer for me is that I never feel anything talking about stuff that has already happened/that is in the past.

I put a bit of thought into it and thought it is because everything feels impersonal to me. So if I'm talking about some conflict or whatever between me and my brother (he's a bit over-emotional so he tends to seek conflict) then my therapist will ask how I feel about it, and I feel nothing because I don't feel that I'm present in my memory of it. Like I'm looking at it from a third-person perspective. Equally, when I really think about it, the reason I don't feel anything about anything in therapy is because at some level I don't feel like the therapy is really happening or that I am really there, so again it really feels very irrelevant/impersonal to me.

When I look back on memories, I am not in any of them. I mean, I kind of am. I remember my body being there. But I don't feel my subjective presence so it feels that I - whoever I am right now - was there. Because I thus feel I have no history, I tend to feel that I do not exist. I try not to think about this particular bit because I find it disturbing.

So I thought if I am going to be able to connect with my emotions in order to feel some kind of engagement with my life and the world and other people etc., and thus less bored, I need to find a way to actually feel something. I do mindfulness and sometimes this helps but not that much, probably because I forget to do it most of the time.

Has anyone else been able to reconnect emotionally so that they are able to have feelings about things and if so how?


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

I haven't been big on the religious and spiritual undertones associated with this mindfulness stuff.

There are a few parts of it that are invaluable, and not unique to Eastern philosophy.
-observing your own thoughts, and thoughts about those thoughts
-involvement in the present moment and what you are doing
Consider this your shield and sword.

You are really on to something about emotional involvement/attachment in the present. Keep exploring that as well.


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## Omnismorss (Jun 28, 2015)

I know how this is, since i got my first panic crisis in 2008 (where my dp started) i started to do things just to distract myself from this hollow feeling and then my life started to be meaningless, till 2010 when i started to work, meeting new people making new friends the things started to make sence again, i Started to exercise and studying again, to get things straight i just started to feel less empty when i started to live again, i mean dont try just to distract yourself, live your life and your emotions will start to reconnect with you, you will remember your feelings again, but stopping to just distract yourself and start to live again will take time and patience, be strong.


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## immenseknuckle (Jan 23, 2016)

Cheers. I do actually do a bit of mindfulness, and find that helpful. I'm rubbish at remembering to do it, though. Maybe I need an alarm on my phone or something...that's not very mindful, is it? ;-)

Ah...yeah....it has occurred to me that I need to engage with life as the second poster said but honestly, I've never been much of an engager and it's difficult to change yourself that way. I do actually go out and do stuff/meet new people, but a) I've never really been a people person and I to some extent dislike making new friends (yeah, I know...), so I find it difficult to motivate myself that way; and b) even when I'm out with friends, everything feels about three miles away anyway so I still don't feel engaged. I reckon that's probably trying to be more mindful again, I'm very preoccupied when I'm with other people, I guess.

I dunno, maybe being more mindful is the main thing...and I did make a NY resolution that I should be curious about people instead of writing them off as 'probably just another idiot', which I kind of do as an automatic. If I have more positive expectations about people then maybe I'll have more motivation to be engaged on a social level (which currently I'm just basically not at all).


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## wh0me (Jan 26, 2016)

I doctor said to me, "Look beyond the curtain"

I said, wtf you talking about? Curtain?? Quit being corny.

Then it hit me. Look through the cutrain, look through the curtain. Smell the air, feel the water in the shower, listen to the water splashing in the tub, smell the soap.

When you walk, look where your walking, when your driving, focus on the people behind you giving you an attitude for driving too slow, look ahead at the cop at the u turn waiting to bust you. When your on the couch, FOCUS on what's actually happening.

Put yourself in others shoes, imagine yourself going through what they're going through. Imagine how you would react, and how you would feel if someone did that to you, or said that to you. Or did something for who.

When you open the fridge, smell the cool air, notice the cool air on your feet.

When you feel sad or numb, imagine how funny it would be if something were to happen, something that would make you laugh, AND LAUGH

This is what i've learned. My emotions pop up randomly and make my have flashbacks. Not because i'm trying to reconnect, but because i'm letting go of my mind. And i'm trying to focus on whats happening 24-7, without Zoning out. Zoning out is a skill aquired by people who went through some bad stuff. You have to re learn how to connect. By observing Everything outside of your head. Reconnect with physical feelings, like your feet on a cold bed sheet.

Sometimes, ill lay in bed and rub my feet on the sheets until i thats all im focusing on. Its becoming a habit, and i'm almost completely emotional again. which is actually terrifying


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## socky_b81 (Jan 27, 2016)

Very insightful. I too feel disconnected, emotionless, void. I currently feel like I forget how to feel. My mind feels blank. I'm sullen. I'm depressed. And after reading your post in realize how long I have just been existing, and not paying attention to everything in front of me.


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