# Feeling better.... Finally.



## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

I have been feeling better. The root of my issue is obsessing over weird thoughts. I feel 100% better when I'm distracted. In fact, this last week I was at a show choir camp from 1-7pm each day, and I felt the best that I have felt within the last 5 months.

The key? I didn't get a chance to obsess over weird thoughts.

My main symptoms (when I'm not distracted) are

•Feeling weird being alive
•Feeling too aware of my existence
•Feeling trapped in my own body
•Feeling anxiety when I think about the above symptoms 
•Obsessing over the above 
•Feeling a heavy feeling of dread when I think about my life
•Feeling of disbelief when I think about how I feel weird living 
•Feeling like I "Know something now" and my past normal life was a lie

I can't feel normal because I feel like the "normal" isn't the truth. I feel like I should just die now because life is all a big joke. Then I feel trapped and scared because I have left NOTHING if I can't live normally. I feel like I am in a living hell.

But on top of all of this, I have been slowly getting better. I have learned to stop obsessing over my pointless thoughts. I am a normal human and I am reacting to my thoughts. If I stop obsessing over them, I simply feel better. There is nothing to worry about, except for my past anxiety and my weird thoughts. Yes I may feel weird, but I'm only reacting to my thoughts.


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## Waverer (Jul 4, 2014)

Yes, road to recovery starts like that.
I specially was afraid of the last thought the "now aware", but it's now vanishing. It has been slow for me, but if you commit to not judge those thoughts, they lose strength.
There's something called 'monkey-mind' in the buddhist tradition, Maybe you can learn something of it. The basic statement is that if your monkey-mind starts 'thinking' all of those thoughts is your duty (As an I) to let them pass, as an observer. Let them run loose, don't judge them, don't follow their track, just watch them pass by.
Even some of those thoughts make me laugh sometimes, haha. It has worked incredibly for me now lately.

Iv'e tried different techniques in my recovery, so you can try too some new ones.

I get the feeling this is my final step out.

I wish you the best of the lucks and keep going.


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## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

Thank you so much  I too laugh at some of my past thoughts. I actually thought that I was the creator of the world and consciousness and that I was the only real mind... (Solipsism) a few months ago. And I realized this morning when I woke up that I am not very bad at all. I am only really having bad anxiety over my thoughts. I'm not in as much as a living hell anymore. *knocks on wood* I'm not in half as much trouble as I was!

The only thing I am dealing with now (and I know I already said this but I'm just piecing the puzzle together) is either

1.) Feeling too alive and/or trapped
2.) Anxiety resulting from dread and weird thoughts FROM that.

Hope your recovery continues to go well  thank you for replying!


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## mckenzie (Jan 7, 2014)

59Ballons said:


> Thank you so much  I too laugh at some of my past thoughts. I actually thought that I was the creator of the world and consciousness and that I was the only real mind... (Solipsism) a few months ago.


Funny you should say that. I had some messed up ideas as well about DP, I read far too many spiritual/law of attraction books and thought I could do anything if I wanted to. I was happy to just kind of stare at the wall all day and live this comfy existence where I wasn't affected by anything and life was like a dream.


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## Walker (Aug 4, 2014)

Hey I am new on this forum and one of the first and best things I read was this.

I'm really inspired by what you said about getting distracted and I recognise all of your symptomst !! (also the feeling that there is nothing left when life seems like a joke or just useless)

what is a relief 

I am just going to try to do the same thing and keep myself busy !

thank you for sharing this !


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## 59Ballons (Mar 10, 2014)

That's great Walker! Nip it in the bud now and leave all this behind you  Good luck! And I'm so glad I was able to help. Take care!


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