# Tired, no motivation



## grues0me (Feb 12, 2010)

Been so tired lately. Had this phase before, have to leave work for an hour to take a nap. I try to sleep more now, but can get only 6-7 hours due to my work. At evening i try to take a short nap also, but even though i am tired, i cant fall asleep. Around 11 i get totally tired and could sleep standing.

Coming home is hard, because i know my wife wants to talk, but really, i see her talking but i dont get actually what she says. I see a 2-dimensional Picure of her, see her mouth moving, but forget what she said a few minutes later. Have to to many things in our house, but no motivation. Have no fun, not interests. Nothing to look forward to. I dont touch alcohol since DP the next days after i drank are much worse.

Been to a book store today, looking through scientific books (loved them 2 years before) but while reading through a few i lost interest and left. Spring is coming, snow is melting and first sunbeams. So i drove with the car a little through the landscape and while i was out there, alone i relaxed a little. Stopped the car, listened to birds singing...was calm. But unreal. Not unreal like in the city or around people. Bearable unreal. Touched the snow, tried to feel the cold, hoped it would suck me right back into reality, to amplify my feelings, but nothing. Was snow. Unreal snow.

Back at work today was like watching a boring movie. Saw people i know, but watched them talking to me like watching a boring tv documentary. 2-Dimensional, no depth, no connection to them.

Maybe i wake up from this dream.


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