# Not pretending to be happy



## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

I am experimenting with showing how I am feeling. I usually pretend to people that I feel good. I'm not going to do it any more.

Also, I am not going to talk to people if I don't want to.

I'm not going to ignore how I feel any more. I am going to pay myself respect by taking my feelings seriously.

I am not going to be a victim any more. It's time for this shit to end.


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## resonantblue (Mar 15, 2011)

sounds great. I think that fighting attitude is a really positive step towards taking control of the DP rather than it controlling you.


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

I've tried doing that before, and honestly it just makes me feel shittier. I guess pretending to be happy is like a way of being optimistic. Sometimes I think about going back to doing that, but you just gotta fake it til you make it.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

that's the spirit


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## Strangerdanger (Oct 3, 2010)

That could be risky, pretending to be happy might help trick you brain into thinking you actually are happy.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

This is something i'm confused about, as everyone always says keep a positive attitude and "keep smiling" and stewing in your negativity just makes things worse and all that stuff, but if you feel like crap then pretending to be happy is actually acting unreal on purpose and seeing as we all feel unreal shouldn't we be avoiding purposely acting unreal?


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## resonantblue (Mar 15, 2011)

Pablo said:


> This is something i'm confused about, as everyone always says keep a positive attitude and "keep smiling" and stewing in your negativity just makes things worse and all that stuff, but if you feel like crap then pretending to be happy is actually acting unreal on purpose and seeing as we all feel unreal shouldn't we be avoiding purposely acting unreal?


my therapist has been telling me something along these lines- that my attempts to be INSINCERELY cheerful and nice perhaps contribute to the feelings of unreality/detachment because they deliberately create a split between the internal reality (for instance, unhappiness, anxiety, etc.) with external behaviour- essentially creating TWO selves- "real", internal self and "fake", external self. Probably not a good idea for DP'd individuals!

On the other hand- I don't think stewing in negativity is the answer. But neither is fake-happy. Being as sincere and "real" as possible is probably the best course of action.


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## Stoic (May 12, 2011)

Show your emotions, be yourself. If you are mad there's no point in hiding it, though sometimes it may be better.

Yet do not allow yourself to become mired in those bad feelings. It's hard to escape the sea of anger and frustration and despair and you certainly can't pull yourself out by reenforcing those feelings.

Personally, I try to find something, anything, however trivial, that will give me a sliver of happiness. Maybe it's the peace that comes when my precocious Hellcat finally calms down. It's the touch of my dear, my wonderful, my beloved. Or a sunny day. Sometimes it's hard to find things that will give your spirits a boost, but there's always something out there.

Just gotta find it.


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

Thanks for those thoughts. I've been working on similar things recently, now that the dp numbness seems to be decreasing and talking about my feelings isn't so much wild speculation. When my dp started, one of the weird things that came along with it was that the outer me, that I couldn't connect with, seemed to be really positive and upbeat, and also maybe more successful at connecting with other people and getting things done than before it started. Without my feelings getting "in the way," it was like I could accomplish things that I never had been able to before--dp functioning as a coping mechanism, like one or two therapists have suggested.

Recently, I've been feeling all of these unpleasant emotions, but I also have more people in my life to honestly talk to about them than I did before, like it's gotten safer for that aspect of my disorder to fade away. It still takes a lot of courage for me to say "I'm feeling depressed," or whatever I'm feeling, but it's a relief when I do.


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