# Is this a reasonable guess?



## Guest (Nov 23, 2012)

I've lived with my husband of 1 year since I was 16 (I'm 21 now), we haven't really had any breaks from each other since and have both had years of unemployment, mostly due to my issues.

What I would like to ask you all is, is it reasonable to pin my phobia of being alone on the fact that we have been practically joint at the hip for years? Before I was with him I was as independent as any healthy person would be at that age... Maybe a little shy but I certainly wasn't uncomfortable in my own presence. Now I am, and it's really scary just admitting this. Do you think it is because of my relationship?


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## ssigman (Nov 23, 2012)

I am new here, but I will tell you how it was with me.

I met my ex husband when I was 15 and we were married 2 years after that.
I was married to him for nearly 3 years and we did EVERYTHING together. I did not really have other friends except OUR friends. After awhile, though, I noticed that I had matured and he had not. We would get in yelling matches, sometimes he'd even shake or push me to get a point across which scared the hell out of me (he's 6'6 and I'm 5'4...) and he would play video games for days and ignore me. He wouldn't go outside when I wanted to, just play games and spend all of our money.

Now, I was also deathly afraid of being alone. I felt as if I wouldn't be able to find someone else,e ver, as if I wasn't worthy of anything else. (I'm not great looking, average, but he was a troll, to be honest.) I had no self-esteem (still don't, really) and I particularly hate change, so I stayed in a dead marriage for years, and pretended to be Marshal and Lily (if you watch How I met your Mother you'll get what I mean, cutesy perfect couple).

Then, when I was working at walmart I met a boy and fell in REAL love. For a year I loved this boy without saying a word. One day he told me that HE loved ME, and I couldn't believe it. I thought someone like him would never love someone like me.

To make a sad story shorter, I had to kiss this boy, while still married to my husband and living with him, before I could break the chains he had on me. Please don't let your relationship get this bad. I feel so horrible that I had to CHEAT to accept that my marriage was dead, and it still gives me nightmares. I am still with the other man I love, and we are engaged, and I see now all the ways my relationship before was messed up. If you are thinking your relationship is unhealthy, truly, and you are wondering if it is right anymore, then get out before something drastic happens that will haunt your forever. I have so many bad feelings and nightmares due to my previous marriage, I know I was just seeing it the way I wanted to see it and not how it was. Even 3 years later I can't forget it or let it go, I maybe never will. But I am happy now, happy I got away from an unhealthy thing.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Nobody can answer that question except yourself !

You have to look deep down into yourself and figure out if your happy or not.....

Ask yourself does this person support me and look after me and is he/she there for me when i need them...

Ask yourself is your relationship 50/50 (give and take).....

Ask yourself are you still attracted to him/her OR is he/she still attracted to you...

Ask yourself is your sex life good....

Most of all ask yourself do you truly love this person...You will know deep down whether you do or not!

I will also say this from personal experience....Staying with someone because you are afraid to hurt them or break their heart is bad for everybody involved in the long run.....Living a lie causes much more long term pain....EVERYBODY ! and i mean everybody moves on in time after a relationship ends...And usually both parties look back and think it was all for the best.....


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