# Addiction to fantasy?



## yogurt (Jun 16, 2006)

Hey guys, this is my first post here so I guess I'll do a brief background of my exact conditions after my main question.

Is it a common train of DP to consistently retreat into a fantasy world?

Here's what I go through. I'm 19 years old and am in college, studying psychology. And I'm basically addicted to this fantasy of myself as a famous musician. I'm a huge fan of music and I one day hope to make a living writing songs and connecting with fans. However, I'm taking no steps into putting these dreams into motion, I'm instead distracted by a fantasy world where I am either perfoming a first live show in front of a group of friends or am selling out venues.

When I first discover a new band, I gradually "mold" them into my fantasy...where I'm either the singer or the keyboardist (since I'm interesting in learning keyboard) and I'm pretending like the songs are my own. And people of my past and current time who I'm interested in are all impressed.

I assume I must be addicted to the feeling of these fantasies, because they make me feel fullfilled...as to one day feel this in reality is my goal. I want to make it clear that I realize that this is a fantasy, and I often tell myself to just appreciate other band's music as THEIR own while gaining motivation to write my own. However, I keep going back to these fantasies, and certain things in the day trigger my need to visit the fantasy. For example, when I walk around campus with my iPod, I completely retreat into my head and act out the fantasy.

As an only child, I spent most of my childhood with a highly active imagination. As a 6 year old when I had my first crush, I'd hide in a box and pretend like I was lying next to the girl and talking to her. When I was 9-12, I used to pretend that I was an adult and that I was married to whichever TV or movie crush that I had at the time. A few years later when I became interested in music, I used to listen to songs on my CD player and construct music videos in my head. In my later high school years, this eventually evolved into the current fantasy that I describe.

I've been in college for 2 years now, and I must say that I think of it more and more often. As a result, I think this has had a significant hand in helping me develop a self-diagnosed DP. I can spend up to an hour pacing my room with my iPod on living out this fantasy in my head. And the problem is that I'm so addicted to it. At first I want to listen to music to hear a current favorite song, and then I'm stuck in the fantasy again.

I started noticing that reality was more hazy than I'd remembered it last December. I'd then have quick episodes where I'd get the sudden sensation that I was percieving the world as if it were a dream.

I started researching DP in April after a very intense 'episode'. I've always been a very nostalgic person and I also have a really good memory deep into my childhood. I was home for Spring Break and one night my mom and I were talking about childhood memories. The more we talked, the more I started remembering the intense confusion about the world that I think I experienced as a young kid (2-3). I felt like, for an instant, that I was able to remember the EXACT feeling...and there I was confused about the world in the present. It was so intense. I thought to myself, "So this is what losing your mind feels like? Retreating this far into yourself". I had to abruptly end the conversation and watch TV to get my mind off of it.

Since then to now, I feel more at ease about the DP that I think that I have...and I come up with personal goals to help me regain a clear touch with reality. However, I think that the persistent fantasy that I described earlier is what's keeping me "out of touch" with reality. When I'm not interacting with other people, I'm basically always in some sort of fantasy world when I'm alone. I can be a shy person, so I choose to be alone pretty often. I'm also sure that I developed a need to pass my time through my imagination and fantasy world because I was an only child and didn't play with friends outside of school very often until I was in high school. I also spend large amounts of time on the Internet daily, and I feel a loss of touch with reality after a long session (such as right now).

To sum everything up, is an addiction to fantasy life (including the Internet) common with DP? Does anyone else share a similar feeling or story? And what do you guys reccommend; should I stop listening to music and only focus on creating my own and cut down on my Internet time until I'm able to overcome the "addiction" and regain a sense of clear reality?


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## bobbi (Jun 6, 2006)

Yes! Yes! Yes! I get this too. And I had it all my life. Music does trigger it or make it worse for me too. I do live in my fantasy world. But it's never the same fantasy. It changes all the time...and they are not always pleasant ones, but some are enjoyable. I have just learned about DP/DR and here's how I have been coping with the fantasy issue:
I ask myself (when I wake up or start to go in la la land) "Do I want to live in my fantasy world now or in reality?" And I choose reality. I might have to keep talking myself out of my fantasy urges.
And since I still love music I try to listen to it when I am doing something. Something like yard work, art, projects....etc. Whatever I am doing for the day. Just keep yourself busy. The only thing it's still hard for me in the car because I tend to zone out easily. Maybe talk radio will help. Me, I have little ones so I try to talk to them instead of ignoring them.

This has been working for me so far. It does take effort (especially at first) but it's worth it. I feel my life is more productive.
Hope this helps,
Bobbi


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## jft (Jan 10, 2005)

Bobbi had a good perspective on it. One needs to ask what one wants, reality or fantasy. I too have done this fantasy thing almost as a coping mechanism for my dp/dr. When I start to wipe out or am driving and am really spacing out I found that fantasizing gives me energy and an alternative to how I am feeling (or not feeling). It is true that all people fanatasize, especially to music. No one person can say they have not. It is just that for me and I am sure others here we have used fantasy to make us "feel" more alive or to plug holes where we feel inadequate. Funny thing is that it works. But when it is used too often then the reality/fantasy fine line is blurred. By this I by no means one is off into lala land potentially, butI do mean that ones potential to be in the moment may be jeapordized by the pull to go into a dreamworld. I have used it so well in the past. sometimes it is positive, but often it keeps me from being a whole being. An anaolgy (illustration) is the person who lives in sexual fantasy to the point here he/she cannot or has no motivation to seek out a life partner. Fantasy becomes primary, or at least the easiest route. And it works. But it is not what one would call full human functioning.

Man, I have in my fantasies been the ultimate war hero, the best musician, the wittiest uncle, you name it. But in so doing I have robbed myself of who I am, and who I am is not bad. I may be boring and not famous but I am still just fine. I hate myself for doing this to myself. 
jft


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## frony (Apr 2, 2006)

Oh yes! I get that to, and I'm excvited to know that other people have these kinds of fantasies. Although I'm not always a musician. Sometimes I'm a famous footballer  And also my fantasies are always comfortable for me, and I don't feel bad because of them. I am comfortable with the fact that it's jsut my fantasy and will never become reality, and I think that I have the right to fantasize about being the author and interpretor of great music, or about playing football with Ronaldinho et al. I have had these kinds of fantasies since when i was 6yrs old (although back then it wasn't probably about being a music or football star). I think maybe people that tend to have these fantasies are more inclined to DP and such, but on the other hand, in these days the fantasies are my only retreat from it, because while I?m completely immersed into the fantasy I don't realize my DP.


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## hurley (May 16, 2006)

LOL, I read about a third of your post Frony and stopped. I do this all the time, thinking to myself 'what is the point of this' but just override that because I don't have any belief that I will get better. I fantasise all the time, it is where all my emotions are hidden.


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