# Do you feel like a child in an adults body?



## Guest

I am slowly working through my issues, and I've made massive progress, but there is one big problem I am encountering. I still feel like a child inside.
It makes being an adult really difficult. I am still agoraphobic to an extent, just because I think things like "walking across that road... If I had someone with me, someone to rely on, I would be safe. But I won't be safe alone.". It all makes sense now... My fear of being alone... It was my inner child speaking out all this time.
I've found myself confused, and angry, when I realised I wanted a teddy for when I was sick recently. I wondered where the hell it had come from from inside me, and I didn't like it. I was an adult. Why on earth would I want or need a teddy? But I wanted it badly. I even went out and got it. Something was making me want it. That was what made me notice that something needed addressing.
The adult in me is daring, makes plans, has hope, has dreams, is fun and assertive and knows where she wants to go and nothing is stopping her. The child in me however is so very scared, cannot take on the responsibility of being an adult, and always wants someone to hold her hand.

I actually felt my most adult, my most daring and independent when I was 15, at a summer camp. We had discipline there and I blossomed. I almost wish I was 15 again so I could feel more adult! If that person then could be me now, then I would have no trouble with anything at all and I would be taking the bull by the horns in every circumstance.

This is painful and confusing stuff. I have no direction and no life at the moment but I know exactly where I want to go. I've made plans too. But that action step is missing.
It makes me wonder if it relates at all to my own mother who made promises to me all the time but never kept them.
Is anyone else going through a struggle like this?


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## ChelleBell

I was just browsing through topics on here, though I made this account, I'm very new to the forums. I have been going through the exact same thing... and it's like a constant battle for me now between that "inner child" and "adult". I've been working through it with my therapist. My hardest challenge thus far is finding the balance between that little girl part of me and "adult".

But my therapist gave me some great advice and I'm going to pass it onto you... when we have had trauma in our lives, any kind, it impacts us. There's a reason why we feel the need for safety, security, for our hand to be held especially when we get scared or hurt now. It's our natural reaction and instinct deep within us that we have when we get scared. If you want to sleep with a teddy bear? Sleep with a teddy bear! Whatever will make you comfortable in that moment? Do it if anything else is too much to bare. It is OKAY to feel this way, and it is more than natural to feel this way if you've been through trauma. But there's a healthy line between balancing out this "inner child" and actually walking on your own, which is something that I'm having a tough time with. I wish that there were easy answers, and guides on "how to survive after trauma" or "how to deal with pain" but there's really not. It's an ongoing healing process that we have to take ourselves through. You're not alone feeling like this, and it's okay to have that "inner child" as I think everyone does to an extent. (I still suck my thumb by the way... if that's not childish? I don't know what is LOL)


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## Bjorn

anxiety wise yes very much so.. Good to hear from you lionheart


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## Guest

Thanks both of you 

Chelle - it's nice to know I'm not alone and your therapists advice actually makes a lot of sense  I will try and feel better and more accepting of it... Oh and um yeah.. I suck my thumb too xD

Bjorn - hey it's good to see you too! )


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## Guest

Fearless said:


> Growing up emotionally neccessarily involves facing our fears, becoming emotionally independent from our parents (whether they're alive or not), gaining a realistic view about our parents, getting to know ourselves, and taking responsibility. Any of it is missing, and you're destined to fail.


That's pretty much a given. And I'm doing pretty well so far.


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## Guest

I used to know someone who felt the same way, and I think I did too for along time, like a part of me hadn't moved forward, an emotional part, stuck in my teens.

It's like parts of us get frozen at a certain ages, when things got too much for us. Because there seemed no way out, no end to it, we tried to bury it to get by, but in doing so it never got resolved. That frightened child remains, in that box where we left it, still affecting us.

I've also had to deal with agoraphobia, so I know how hard that is. We know logically we shouldn't be afraid, but something inside flairs up and it doesn't seem to make any sense -and it doesn't to anyone else either, which makes it harder. But pure logic has it's limitations, and the subconscious has it's own logic.

I now believe it comes from insecurity about the safety of our position within our family in our formative years. Perhaps, in essence, fear of abandonment, of being lost and alone, which is a primal and potentially life-threatening fear to a child, who is dependant on others for survival. When our early natural instincts to explore and grow are stifled with the threat of anger and rejection, and because we don't feel valued enough to trust anyone to be there when we get back, should we risk straying too far.

If that's not being too clear, that's because it's always hard to put emotional processes into words, but I believe it's along those lines.

It sounds like the problem maybe that you object to that part of you, which means you are blocking it. It needs emotional expression, and to be heard. So I would suggest practicing being open to that part whenever it's there, without guile or reservation, and acknowledging that's it's/you are afraid. That's not something we want to admit to ourselves, when we're proud, but really it takes courage to do so, rather than deny a thing and never move forward. In time it will calm down, and you find a space with it, almost like a good parent, which is the adult part of you with a wider perspective. In essence, it is fear, and it's often a relief to finally let it in so it can wash through you. Whether it's triggered by something today or a reminder of the past it's all connected.

Anyway. this was meant to be a short post, but hard to describe these things, as they are experiential, and different words have different resonances with different people.

Hopefully It makes some sort of sense


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## Guest

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## Guest

That really is a good post, thank you Phantasm for your valuable insight and advice!


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## Guest

Thanks, They are only my thoughts and views and I'm not sure you need them, but you're very welcome


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## gill

> .. I almost wish I was 15 again so I could feel more adult! If that person then could be me now, then I would have no trouble with anything at all and I would be taking the bull by the horns in every circumstance.


Hehehe.... I wouldn't call that 'being an adult', rather, i the 'hubris of youth'..


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## barbilea

Thanks for share this post with us.


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## hoodie85

I have this same problem and came across this thread while trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I am 27, about to turn 28. I recently got engaged to my partner and since we have been in a distance relationship for the past year and a half we feel it's time to move in together. I have applied for and been offered two different full time jobs close to her which would be perfect for me but I just didn't feel worthy of either job so I turned them down. I see people my age getting married, having kids, buying their first homes, etc, and I want all those things, but when I think of the steps I need to take to get there I feel so intimidated that I shut down and give up before I even try. I don't feel like anything is possibly unless my partner is by my side holding my hand through it. At times I act like a kid. Wasting money on stuffed animals or crazy socks, spending too much time doing arts and crafts when I have plenty of responsibilities waiting to be taken care of, and I currently own 4 small animals like rats and hamsters which I spend a lot of time with. I am well known for wearing t-shirts and sweats on a regular basis because I don't own any "adult" clothes like slacks or blouses, and if any event called for nicer clothes I would probably just not attend. I avoid talking about myself to friends and family because I have nothing to be proud of, or so it seems to me. I have even skipped Christmas dinner with all my relatives a couple times just to avoid having to answer questions about my job and college classes. I feel like a child trapped in an adult's body and I am desperate to mentally catch up to my true age so that I can move on with my life, plan my wedding, get married, and start a family. Does anyone have any advice? It would be much appreciated!


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## Kushmaster

ChelleBell said:


> I was just browsing through topics on here, though I made this account, I'm very new to the forums. I have been going through the exact same thing... and it's like a constant battle for me now between that "inner child" and "adult". I've been working through it with my therapist. My hardest challenge thus far is finding the balance between that little girl part of me and "adult".
> 
> But my therapist gave me some great advice and I'm going to pass it onto you... when we have had trauma in our lives, any kind, it impacts us. There's a reason why we feel the need for safety, security, for our hand to be held especially when we get scared or hurt now. It's our natural reaction and instinct deep within us that we have when we get scared. If you want to sleep with a teddy bear? Sleep with a teddy bear! Whatever will make you comfortable in that moment? Do it if anything else is too much to bare. It is OKAY to feel this way, and it is more than natural to feel this way if you've been through trauma. But there's a healthy line between balancing out this "inner child" and actually walking on your own, which is something that I'm having a tough time with. I wish that there were easy answers, and guides on "how to survive after trauma" or "how to deal with pain" but there's really not. It's an ongoing healing process that we have to take ourselves through. You're not alone feeling like this, and it's okay to have that "inner child" as I think everyone does to an extent. (I still suck my thumb by the way... if that's not childish? I don't know what is LOL)


I am a 35 year old male and struggle with the same issues just not to the point of wanting a childhood toy. I think I just dont view myself as an adult although I have a job and own property. I acted and felt so much more like an adult when I was 20 years old. I moved out when I was 17 and can always remember wanting to be independent and grow up. Now that I am grown up I dont think i want to be. I think I just see how much uncertainty there is in life and that scares me. I see how easy things can change and be life altering. I think of the future and I get scared. Its an aweful feeling.


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## gemiemma

Hello. Im 17 and ive been going through a lot of bad experiences. Every now and again, i feel like i need to be cared for. Like i can't become a independent adult. I have dreams and a hobby i want to make into a career but....sometimes i want to indulge in this child feelings...for a long time. I don't want to stop feeling cared for...even though i have no one to that knows about my feelings and would care for me. It seems really unhealthy that i feel like i want to waste my life on making my mental illness feel happy. That i would drop adult duties just to play with toys or be held. I had a good childhood and nothing really traumatic has happened to me so i don't understand why i feel do strongly for a life as a adult child....please if anyone knows how to either make the feelings of helplessness go away or know ways to have a unhealthy adult child life then please let me know. Ive watched shows of people indulging in there mental illness and being happy as who they want to be even if its unhealthy. Im so confused.


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## Guest

Hi gemiemma. I think it's very human to want to be looked after sometimes, and you are at an age where you're becoming an adult and it can be scary to think of the pressures that might bring. Bad experiences at this time can knock us back when we're expected to go forward. I don't think it's surprising that a lot of people have problems with anxiety at your age - I'm still not sure that I feel like a grown up and I'm not sure that anybody ever does!

You could have had a good childhood, but children are sensitive and things which might not register with an adult can affect them. It might not seem like a big thing, and we can try to dismiss it as such, but a child-part of us may still have an unmet need and just wants to be acknowledged. It might be there were times you felt unsafe or lonely and wished there was someone looking after you. I actually wonder if it's possible to survive childhood without some trauma with a small t.

Rather than trying to make this part of you go away, it might be better to spend time with it, maybe by sitting with it quietly, like a meditation, and If you are patient and accepting it might open up to you in time and a self-healing may take place. Hope this helps.


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## Billy D.P.

Wow, this is a crazy thread. I didn't think this was a DP symptom but I definitely have this too. I talked to my therapist about this feeling, of being younger than you are, and she said she had it all her life as well. When I had a breakdown about four months ago I actually felt as if I had been transported back in time to the version of myself in high school.

I really think there's a lot to trauma and how the brain protects and defends itself against other versions of your personality that could be seen as vulnerable in certain circumstances so you essentially hide that version of yourself. I think the Internal Family Systems of therapy refer to these as "exiles." The problem is they never really just disappear, so later on in life when you go through more trauma they can pop up again, which may be the case for a lot of people here once DP hits and all that initial childhood trauma comes to light again.

Just my two cents...


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## MoonshineRainbow

I absolutely identify with posts here. I found this helpful.

The 'I Feel Like a Child' Syndrome by Leon F Seltzer PhD

If our various child parts are not fully integrated into our adult self, we're likely at times to feel like a child inside an adult's body. We won't be able to feel truly grown up because our basic sense of self hasn't sufficiently evolved into the actual adult we've become. Our chronological age, our body, our mind may all say "adult" . . . but our psyche nonetheless continues to say "child."

To put it more concretely, when present-day circumstances tap into old, unresolved doubts or fears--that is, distressful feelings that may go all the way back to childhood--we'll experience ourselves in the same way we did in the past. (And to be honest, looking back at our lives, which of us hasn't many times felt unsure, or defective, or unsafe?) If we haven't yet managed to "assimilate" the growth or maturation that typically characterizes our current level of functioning, then questions we had about ourselves during an earlier stage of development will resurface, leading us to feel an insecurity that may no longer accurately portray our actual resources.

In the past, caught up in the struggle to find ourselves and our place in the world, we may have had good reason to doubt ourselves. But such self-skepticism may no longer be fitting. All the same, various circumstances may prompt us to be besieged by this suddenly revived self-mistrust or apprehension--and quite independent of the possibility that now we may well possess the wherewithal to deal with the kind of problem, or problematic person, that originally overwhelmed us.

It's probably universal that former negative beliefs we had about our limitations (limitations probably congruent with where we were developmentally), can yet hinder us from seeing ourselves as the more or less competent, resourceful adults we've become. And although we may well have become more self-confident, as long as that insecure "child fragment" still residing within us hasn't been made privy to all the changes we've accomplished since that fragment was us, then stressful situations will continue to make us vulnerable to the same insecure feelings that "afflicted" us in growing up. On such occasions, we'll internally "harass" ourselves by identifying with an image of self that is as uncertain and self-critical as it is out-of-date--an image that has been (or should have been) superseded by now.

Experiencing ourselves at a core level as though we were still children is apt to render us indecisive, helpless, or prematurely impel us to suspend our efforts on a task, pursuit, or even relationship. In the moment confusing our present-day self with an earlier, less capable self, we may also--regressively--be driven to look for another person to rely on (reflecting old dependency needs); or shy away from accepting a responsibility that now seems intimidating and makes us feel overwhelmed (reflecting our insecure inner child's need for external direction and authority). In short, our brain has been hijacked--sabotaged by that earlier part of us who was never quite able to "merge" with the adult we eventually became.

When we speak of "getting our buttons pushed," what we're really talking about is a circumstance that's provoked us principally through re-stimulating old doubts and anxieties. Our emotional equilibrium temporarily thrown off balance, we feel compelled to go into self-defensive mode. And this irresistible impulse to protect our suddenly re-experienced frailty can take many forms, some of them not particularly obvious. We might, for instance, be driven toward aggressive verbal combat (as in, "the best defense is a good offense"); or we might strive ardently (even desperately) to justify ourselves; or we might feel a tremendous pull toward retreating from this upsetting situation altogether. At a deep, unconscious level the here-and-now scenario may make us feel almost as though our very survival is at stake. And, reacting in accordance with these overblown feelings, we may well come across to others as overly dramatic, or "overplaying our hand," or (to them, inexplicably) fighting for our lives--especially since the apparent stimulus for our hyper-reactive response may actually be quite minor.

To provide a clinical context for what I've been describing theoretically, let me present a couple of examples of what I've come to regard as the "'I feel like a child' syndrome."

One case (of many, many cases) involved a client of mine forced to take on the responsibilities of parenthood before, psychologically, he felt ready to. He spoke to me about his uneasiness in this demanding parental role, and about his seeing himself as insufficiently prepared to father not just one but two young children (and girls yet!) He felt "stressed out" by these unrelenting feelings of not being adult enough to handle such a responsibility. His fundamental sense of self simply hadn't caught up with his current-day position in life. But the essence of his anxiety really related to deeper feelings of insecurity--feelings that harked back to the insecurity that plagued him when he was growing up.

He also felt that others saw him in a favorable light that didn't at all match the subjective reality of his own massive self-doubt. It seemed almost incredible that he could convince others that he knew what he was doing when he couldn't at all convince himself. Distraught and feeling like a fraud, he was unable to see himself as old enough, or mature enough, to be doing what in fact he was doing--especially after he got divorced and was awarded primary custody of his children. Though hardly visible to others, his self-doubt gnawed away at him. Outwardly, he may have behaved appropriately in all this, but--internally--he couldn't see his behaviors as anything like a true, spontaneous expression of who he felt he actually was.

Another client regularly got her buttons pushed--and was made to feel like a child--when she spent time with her critical mother, or when superiors at work were judgmental toward her. As in the above example, this client--despite her considerable talents and achievements--hadn't been able to adequately integrate her already well-demonstrated adult competence. And so old feelings of insufficiency and trepidation would crop up whenever someone in authority (or someone whom she couldn't help but assign authority to) seemed critical of her. Experiencing herself as somehow being attacked, her old insecurities--and self-criticism--would be re-awakened. And she'd find herself feeling utterly deflated (at times, even devastated)--her composure for the moment totally shaken.

Again, when her words or behavior seemed to be called into question, ancient child parts of her that felt deficient would re-emerge, and feelings she thought she should certainly be over by now would return to torment her. In such situations, she felt "like a little kid," and she talked about how hard it was to see her present-day self as possibly having as much authority as those whose criticisms of her might be based less on her performance than their own particular bias--or, in fact, their own unresolved childhood issues. Even when she was consciously aware that a criticism from a superior was without merit, she still reacted as though there must be something wrong with her for having received the criticism in the first place. It was as though the immediate, precipitating circumstance forced her to regress to her child self, during which her abusive parents constantly made her feel she was somehow to blame for whatever tensions existed in her blatantly dysfunctional family.

It's probably true for most of us that when we visit our families, our parents exhibit a special knack for making us feel that--just maybe--we never really did grow up. After all, many (if not most) parents struggle to relinquish the parent-child relationship that over the years may have come to define their bond with us (and maybe their own identity as well). So treating us as the adult "equals" that in time we did become can be exceedingly difficult for them. If we still have self-doubting child parts submerged within us, parts that have yet to be subsumed by the adults we are today, our caretakers are the ones most likely to bring to light these not-grown-up segments of self--inducing us to feel (and react) in ways hardly representative of our present-day relationships with others.

The remedy for what I've been describing has mostly to do with coming into our ownauthority as adults. We need to realize that whatever feelings of insecurity may still bother us probably have a lot less to do with the facts of our adult existence than the self-doubts best viewed as "holdovers" (or remnants) from childhood. And one experiential method to help "loosen up" this stuck child deep within us--as well as to facilitate that child's getting over these original feelings of fear, inadequacy, or powerlessness--is through undertaking some sort of internal dialogue.

What I frequently suggest to the people I work with is that when a present-day situation re-stimulates, or "hooks," a child part of them--and in a sense leads that child part to take custody of their adult self--that they explore (through their mind's eye) what this child looks like. Spontaneously, what picture do they get of their earlier self? How old is the child? What might the child be wearing? Just where are they? What's going on? Is there a specific scene or circumstance that dovetails with what that sad, hurt, or angry child is somehow making them feel so intensely right now-that is, as relates to the recent situation currently troubling them? If so, what is it about the present experience that's reminding the child of the past one? How are two somehow analogous? Who's in the past scene? What's being said? How is it affecting them? And what are the physical sensations that get revived when they identify with this earlier, upset child self?

Returning to the present-day provocation, I ask them to re-vivify that part of themselves that may have over-reacted in the moment. (And I might mention here that I seek to reassure them about themselves by helping them to understand that their here-and-now reaction really wasn't "exaggerated" as such. For this reaction included not simply the immediate provocation but also, necessarily, the never-resolved provocation from the past--which unfortunately got "tapped into" by the current situation. That is, their reaction is perceivable as exaggerated, or distorted, only when it's viewed solely in the context of their present frustration.)

Moving to the more "formal" internal dialogue work, I suggest that my client--going back in time to take the child away from the distressing (or even traumatic) experience--ask their child self just how they interpreted the disturbing situation they were in so many years ago. How did it make them think about themselves?--not good enough? not smart enough? not fitting in? weak? powerless? not acceptable? not loveable? and so on. Then I have my client tell their upset child part that they've grown up, grown up to be part of the basically competent adult that's now returned to "rescue" them and help them revise their falsely negative (and out-of-date) view of themselves.

I have the client show the child pictures of themselves by degrees (or years) getting older and older till, eventually, they see themselves as having grown into the adult the client is today. As Shakespeare had the skeptical Othello demand of Iago the "ocular proof," since seeing is believing, that child part of the adult will in time begin to see that they've been trapped in a memory which, till now, has made their self-disparagement or fear chronic. Giving the child fresh data to help invalidate the negative image they formed about themselves so many years ago will help upgrade their sense of self like nothing else. In fact, the process I've just described is extrapolated from a comprehensive therapeutic approach aptly named "Lifespan Integration."

If, personally, we engage in this kind of disciplined work on ourselves, such an endeavor will help enable us to evolve into the fully integrated adults all of us, consciously or not, aspire to be. And the very essence of our evolution depends on our ability to access, make peace with--and then fully integrate--that insecure, self-doubting child that has constrained us in our lifelong journey toward self-actualization.


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## sunjet

MoonshineRainbow said:


> .....


Can you please tell in few words whats the solution to this problem?


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## meltdowner

I feel like people may view me this way because i think people view me as mature but a little loopy as if im doing drugs or something.

So its like dude get your shit together youre 21! Atleast i feel thats what some people may think.

I myself do feel like a baby in an adults body, thank goodness im still 21 feeling this way.


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## Guest

I've been spending quite a lot of time lately meditating with my "inner child," and that part of me just want's to hide and feel safe, to trust to let go and not be guarded. It's a deep place, almost womb-like, and as I've spent time with it I've found it might actually be the road to the still centre that people sometimes talk about. I think I lost that centre a long time ago, and it feels slightly disjointed trying to connect with it, but suspect it aught to be the most natural thing...


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## dope

I actually feel the exact contrary. I'm 14, but sometimes I feel like I'm 25 already...


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## dissoziation

Whenever I looked back on the dissociative episodes that I've had as a result of this, I often remember that I would feel as if I was an infant in my body and I was watching the world around me in wonder, fear, and unfamiliarity. Very strange symptom indeed!



dope said:


> I actually feel the exact contrary. I'm 14, but sometimes I feel like I'm 25 already...


I also feel this way as well.


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## braingroundwork76

I think this particular case is a self esteem issue.


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## gooseberrys

I definitely feel like a child trapped inside, like 7 years old. I am already 27 years old. There are times where I am so in tune with my child inside, and actually behave like a child, and I feel so comfortable and free. But I am always so aware of adults'(Parents and Peers) perceptions of me, and am forced to act like a man when people are looking. I felt incredibly lonely as a child, because both my parents worked full-time. And in fact most of my childhood was spent in my desolate house with a domestic worker. And when they came home from work, they never did social activities with me, and they were more concerned with things like was I doing my homework, or did I behave badly. I would beg my parents to play board games or sports with me, and they would always give excuses like they are busy or they had prior injuries in the past.

I already felt emotionally stunted by the time I went to kindergarten, as I felt so inferior to my playmates even at that young age. It carried on into secondary school and then I suddenly realised I was actually really ugly. Until I realised I could be like other people if I looked like them. And so I did things like tensing my facial muscles on the left side of my face to correct the horizontal asymmetry, and really, really play sports intensively. It gave me a new identity. My face gradually became more attractive and competing in sports gave me a belief that I was like my peers. So i carried on with this trajectory for many years. Everything I did, I did it to build up the outer persona. I always knew there was something not quite right with me all this while though.

In junior college, I could pretend to be confident and normal in a conversation with a girl, but after the conversation ended I would be really uncomfortable and strictly avoided eye contact with the girl. When I sense the girl looking at me, I would avert my gaze elsewhere even when I wasn't looking at her. I was really ashamed by this behavior and sought to prove that there was nothing wrong with me. And this outer persona persisted with me through to my national service(army) when I started to realize that this outer persona was fake. However I could not find any other persona inside me at all, like an emptied out shell. At that time I had no idea my childhood was actually traumatic because my parents provided everything for me materially. Thus, I was incredibly distressed and ended up in a psychiatric hospital diagnosed with Schizophrenia, OCD, and depression.

After this diagnosis, I tried in vain to live a normal adult life. I tried to get a job, but I could never stay on in a job for more than 2 months. I always ended up feeling so inadequate and feeling unable to fulfill my responsibilities, that I had to resign. I tried building up my social life, but my friends always moved on and stopped hanging out with me. It's been 7 years since my diagnosis now and I have realized what I have been doing is futile. I need to develop my inner child that is feeling trapped in a man's body. It is to the point where I reject that outer persona completely, and when I see my reflection in the mirror, I don't recognize it as myself. My past mannerisms to appear more mature, like a swagger when I walk to the artificially deep voice I have been speaking with, I have been trying to erase from my behaviour. I realised my penchant for talking to myself when I am alone was also to make myself feel like I'm a man, since I hear the palpably mature language skills, and the pitch of the voice. I do feel like I have multiple personalities (or DID), but I am fully aware of when I think I am a child and when I think I am a man.

Those two states, however, changes my personality(when I feel adult I feel like a narcissist and an asshole), my speech (the moment I open my mouth to speak and articulate my thoughts I feel like a man), my mannerisms (when I feel adult I walk with a swagger and do not hunch my back), my self-image (when I feel like a man I think that I look attractive to the opposite sex), and my outlook on my life(when I feel like a man I feel very optimistic, confident, even unstoppable, but it often proves untrue through my futile attempts at occupation and social interaction). I am however unable to control which identity I identify with. So, I do have symptoms of DID but without the amnesia. I do have DPD symptoms but without the lack of control of self. I REALLY REALLY wish to be accepted as a young boy, and go through basic education again as that young boy, but I understand that in society I can never find that acceptance and that form of care when they see my adult body.

Thank you for reading my story.


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## Lexy67

Thank you for your post. I agree w that sensation of being .. an infant in my case... in an adults body it’s so hard to do the most basic things. And I am terribly terribly bored.


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