# Off days & Venting



## KaylaJayyXO (Feb 8, 2013)

First of all i'll take a moment to introduce myself. I'm Kayla, I'm 20 and depersonalization started for me after trying a synthetic form of marijuana called "Mr.Nice Guy" who happens to be the meanest guy in the entire world  During whatever happened while I was high off of "MNG" i felt an intense self awareness, i felt small almost like i was feeling exactly how large the world was. the following day after the trip I started thinking to myself "Wtf is life?" At first derealization played a horrifying factor in it. I was disabled by the fear of it, feeling out of body, out of control, like I didnt recognize myself in the mirror. I couldnt leave my apartment without having a panic attack. I did some research online of my symptoms and quite frankly i thought i had acquired schizophrenia but i was completely aware of reality so theres no way it coulda been that.I stumbled across another blog site with people whom were feeling very much like I was and self diagnosed as having DPD. Shortly after I visited my doctor explained my situation and she confirmed my diagnosis.​
Okay so year 2 of this bizarre journey and "off days" as I call them have been frequent lately. I'm sure its because of all the changes I've been making; for example cut my hair pretty short and moved across the country. Though I have a grasp on why I'm having off days they are still so unnerving. I'm trying to learn my triggers and I'm sure one of them is sitting in the dark. Thats a big one actually, it gets so bad sometimes I often find myself sleeping with lights on. I have no sense of self in the dark, no sense of anything, its just me... alone with my thoughts, my antagonizing questions about the world. I know the best thing to do with this is to push it aside and dont pay too much attention to it, the more you think about it the worse it gets. But its like Once it gets into my head it consumes me for a week or so.​
I have a couple of questions im sure you will be able to help me with, and I hope to hear some responses. First of all, does anyone else feel numb to emotions from this? Like almost as though any feeling besides anxiety are opaque?
What are some coping skills that some of you use to get yourselves out of the DP Slump?
I explained one of my triggers is the dark, what are some other things that set it off for you? I'm trying to think of what else can possibly put me into such a state of anxiety
Does it ever really get better....? and I'm sure this question has been asked thousands of times on here
​Thank you for listening, honestly right now I could use some advice. I hope to be hearing some responses and maybe even make a couple "Coping Buddies".​​-Kayla​


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