# I'm a Pain Addict



## ThoughtsUnorganized (Mar 10, 2011)

The last few weeks I havent been aboe to stop self-harm. I had been good for 1 and a half years, now I cant stop. Its for the pain, not attention or whatever, I am addicted to the pain. My therapist keeps trying to give me "healthy" substitutes, such as excersize and hitting a pillow but those sound pretty lame to me. I dont really know why Ive gone down this road again, well I know why I like it, the pain snaps my brain out of depression or DP. Ugh, i feel like such a attention-getting a-hole, even though I hide any injuries. My self harm is pretty severe as well, so thats the only thing that worries me, I usually end up breaking a bone or whatever. Thats basically all Ive been thinking about today


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

ThoughtsUnorganized said:


> The last few weeks I havent been aboe to stop self-harm. I had been good for 1 and a half years, now I cant stop. Its for the pain, not attention or whatever, I am addicted to the pain. My therapist keeps trying to give me "healthy" substitutes, such as excersize and hitting a pillow but those sound pretty lame to me. I dont really know why Ive gone down this road again, well I know why I like it, the pain snaps my brain out of depression or DP. Ugh, i feel like such a attention-getting a-hole, even though I hide any injuries. My self harm is pretty severe as well, so thats the only thing that worries me, I usually end up breaking a bone or whatever. Thats basically all Ive been thinking about today


I wouldn't say you're addicted to pain. Self-harm isn't about creating more pain, it's about punishing yourself which leads to a feeling of relief.

It's the relief that you are aiming for. To not self-abuse would lead to more pain, so in a sense, your self-harming is about running away FROM pain.

I have to ask, did you watch the video I posted?


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## dreamsofsomeday (Mar 10, 2011)

ThoughtsUnorganized said:


> The last few weeks I havent been aboe to stop self-harm. I had been good for 1 and a half years, now I cant stop. Its for the pain, not attention or whatever, I am addicted to the pain. My therapist keeps trying to give me "healthy" substitutes, such as excersize and hitting a pillow but those sound pretty lame to me. I dont really know why Ive gone down this road again, well I know why I like it, the pain snaps my brain out of depression or DP. Ugh, i feel like such a attention-getting a-hole, even though I hide any injuries. My self harm is pretty severe as well, so thats the only thing that worries me, I usually end up breaking a bone or whatever. Thats basically all Ive been thinking about today


I've dealt with that struggle, too, and still deal with urges. Actually, I gave in a week or two ago after stopping for almost an entire year, but I am trying not to give in again.
It doesn't make you an attention-seeker, though, but I've felt the same. It's not like you're running up to people and showing them where you self-harmed. 
I've heard about alternatives to it, such as sticking your arm or wherever it is you self-harm in a bowl of ice or drawing a red line where you do it (personally, I don't believe in the red line thing but haven't tried it,) but I've never tried them. The bowl of ice thing is supposed to still give you pain, but you don't hurt yourself with it. I don't know how well it'd work, though, since I've never tried it, yet.


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## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

never_giving_up said:


> I wouldn't say you're addicted to pain. Self-harm isn't about creating more pain, it's about punishing yourself which leads to a feeling of relief.
> 
> It's the relief that you are aiming for. To not self-abuse would lead to more pain, so in a sense, your self-harming is about running away FROM pain.
> 
> I have to ask, did you watch the video I posted?


You know, i was entering this post in a 'skeptic-mood' but you just said everything i was about to say.

+1 to this guy


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

ThoughtsUnorganized said:


> The last few weeks I havent been aboe to stop self-harm. I had been good for 1 and a half years, now I cant stop. Its for the pain, not attention or whatever, I am addicted to the pain. My therapist keeps trying to give me "healthy" substitutes, such as excersize and hitting a pillow but those sound pretty lame to me. I dont really know why Ive gone down this road again, well I know why I like it, the pain snaps my brain out of depression or DP. Ugh, i feel like such a attention-getting a-hole, even though I hide any injuries. My self harm is pretty severe as well, so thats the only thing that worries me, I usually end up breaking a bone or whatever. Thats basically all Ive been thinking about today


It is not so unusual to try to dull one pain with another.

What is unusual is how far a person will go http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/construction-workers-suicide-bid-after-cutting-off-hand-704312.html

Just keep working on finding "healthy" substitutes.


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## ThoughtsUnorganized (Mar 10, 2011)

[quote name='never_giving_up' timestamp='1300328601' post='225407']
I wouldn't say you're addicted to pain. Self-harm isn't about creating more pain, it's about punishing yourself which leads to a feeling of relief.

It's the relief that you are aiming for. To not self-abuse would lead to more pain, so in a sense, your self-harming is about running away FROM pain.

I have to ask, did you watch the video I posted?

I did watch that video finally, it was pretty good, but I have never been abused physically or mentally as a child. I have all of my memories from when I was a year old, but I really did like the video most of the stuff (minus childhood abuse) did apply to me, and it gave me some words to what I feel. Im actually interested in finding if the community in which I was raised could be the substitute to actual abuse, where I lived almost all children were beaten and abused except me and my brother. Great video, glad I watched


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Have you been in therapy at all?


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## ThoughtsUnorganized (Mar 10, 2011)

never_giving_up said:


> Have you been in therapy at all?


HAhaha, have I been in therapy? YES, is the answer to that question. Currently on my 7th therapist, and 3rd psychiatrist. Ive been in and out for 4 years.


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