# Is my life over?



## Guest (Jul 11, 2014)

Hi

I have been suffering from DP/DR, Anxiety and Major depression for 4 months now. It all started with a joint I shared with friends. I was already drunk when I had the 3 big hits. I didn't really get high but I had an anxiety attack. A week later I started feeling detached from the world and sometimes overly aware of my existence. I even asked my friends if they ever felt like robots but they had no clue. I was under a heavy course load and working two extra jobs during that trimester(winter). So when the 'brain fog' and the fatigue became unbearable I went to see my college's GP who put me on prozac. She warned me of the side effects, so I decided to wait till spring break to take them. I didn't want to screw up my finals. Springbreak came, and I started taking the prozac. On day 5 I had a massive anxiety attack which marked the complete onset of my depression, anxiety and chronic derealization. That was at the beginning of March. Since that day things have only gotten worse. I did experience a non DP period for 3 weeks on lexapro but it stopped working.

I am now extremely suicidal and have flirted with ideas like CO suffocation, jumping in front of a train etc. However, my belief in God is holding back. Like most of you guys, I have always been a straight A student. DP permitting, I should be starting my junior year of college. (Mech Eng major) I am on Seroquel and Imipramine at the moment but of course, they are not working. I have given up the battle and contemplate suicide. I have a full ride in college (no loans) and I feel like I owe it to my sponsors, college and parents to finish my studies. But damn! I feel brain dead and dont think I would be able to solve Eng Probs.

So my question is, will I ever be the same again or should I quit college and life? I can't imagine living with this monster for life or learning to live with it because of a stupid mistake I made. My symptoms include existential angst, feel like I'm in a dream, emotional numbness, anhedonia, extreme awareness of my existence like I'm the only real person, agoraphobia etc. And to be honest, I have no energy to start the fight (I know this is the wrong attitude)

I appreciate your input.

Love zie


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## marry1985 (Dec 1, 2013)

I m on Seroquel and Anafranil for abput 2 month and they seem to help my depression.So pls wait till the meds we'll start to work.I know it's hard, but I ve been there.


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## apoplexy (Jan 4, 2013)

Nope, it's just gonna be harder for awhile homie. Keep your head up.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

you will be fine. just hard to see the light at the moment. hold on. u never know when there might be a change coming. try not to dwell on ur symptoms do things that help u feel better. take it day by day.


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## Anonymity (Jul 8, 2013)

Your life has just begun my friend.


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## bryaan989 (Apr 8, 2020)

OMG. I started this thread. I did recover and went on to graduate, get a masters and a job. Now I have relapsed and could literally post the same stuff.


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## RunToMe (May 30, 2019)

Hi Bryaan,

how long does your recover takes and what helped ?

You know your trigger for your relapse ?

I think its important to know that you experienced that recover is possible.

I stuck myself in this hell after weed.

All the best...


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

Your name is different. It wasn't you. LOL

Congrats on your degree. 3 hits on a joint is an unlikely explanation for your illness.

Look deeper for the reason and solution, or just realize that you need to care of yourself

a little differently than others.


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## bryaan989 (Apr 8, 2020)

I just went back to college and got busy with classes. Didn't really pay attention to my illness. 1 year after I got DP, I was fine. I did relapse a year and a half later but this was triggered by stress while preparing for grad school during the summer. I did some voluntary work outside the country and recovered after about 2 months and been fine since. I think my DP is a result of my anxiety and depression. My current trigger was work related stress and a few weeks ago, I started feeling very anxious in the morning, nausea, and shaky. It eventually spiraled into depression. I live alone in a new city and don't have friends in my city so that was not a good recipe. Forestx5 is right. I need to take care of myself a little differently. Now I am depressed, anxious, and DPed. For me, the worst is the lake of energy. I still have to work for 40 hours a week and I'm in front of a computer all the time.


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## bryaan989 (Apr 8, 2020)

It's hard to stay awake. I'm always tired (depression) and my work is a bit cognitively demanding. I do CAD drawings all day.


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## Nomind12 (Apr 21, 2020)

Hi,

Can anyone help? I have a completely blank mind.


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