# Can you bear your reality?



## PhuckDP (Dec 8, 2010)

Not to be a downer but depersonalization as far as I know among many things is also a defensive mechanism. So it exists for a reason. It protects us from something, something that makes us very uneasy and vulnurable. Recently I've been regaining reality which is tremendous, which I can be really grateful for but then when the gidiness is gone I realize that I don't exactly like my reality that much. On a conscious level, it's great. I want it. I just want reality. I"ll take it from there. But on a subconscious level, I do feel very uneasy. 
Obviously, depersonalization numbs you down. It takes away your feelings and everything else. Sure, that makes you incapable of doing million things you do know you're capable of. But it also makes u capable to do things u usually wouldn't be capable of doing if u get what I'm saying. For example, there's no way I'd socialize with some people if it weren't for my depersonalization simply because if I wasn't numb, I'd realize just how bad my social status is, what they think of me etc. However, with depersonalization, that's all out of the way. I also couldn't really sit all by myself in a bar because it'd be too embarrassing. With depersonalization, I'm capable of that. I realized those things today. Those two examples were simply the most banal ones. Now, looking at my screenname, u can obviously conclude I'm not exactly the biggest fan of DP but give the devil it's due, it does have a positive thing or two. At least in my case, I figured out there's a ton of sadness, fear, lack of self respect etc. beneath my depersonalization. I think for me it's a matter of achieving things, socializing etc. Then those negative feelings should evaporate I hope. But DP as much as it sucks, it does keep a lot of things in check for me.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

that's the thing though, when you achieve anything with dp, it doesn't feel that intense at all, so it's still a bit like "meh"

i dunno,

i'm being super negative right now so you should probably not listen to me


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

I know what you mean. Ive got out of an abusive relationship, taken on a job i shouldnt have done, walked out of a job i shouldnt have done, bought a new horse for the first time in years, set up a business which ive wanted to but never been brave enough to before.

DP makes you wander blindly into the lions den. Stuff protection: If there were lions I would definatly be a gonner.

Personally DP had taken my life away, so I am finding that difficult and frightening to deal with. I think you are scared of reality because you are not totally recovered. I believe that when you are,and when I am, we will forget. Like chilbirth, like the cold of winter. Its just a case of when. Good Luck


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## Onibla (Nov 9, 2010)

PhuckDP said:


> Not to be a downer but depersonalization as far as I know among many things is also a defensive mechanism. So it exists for a reason. It protects us from something, something that makes us very uneasy and vulnurable. Recently I've been regaining reality which is tremendous, which I can be really grateful for but then when the gidiness is gone I realize that I don't exactly like my reality that much. On a conscious level, it's great. I want it. I just want reality. I"ll take it from there. But on a subconscious level, I do feel very uneasy.
> Obviously, depersonalization numbs you down. It takes away your feelings and everything else. Sure, that makes you incapable of doing million things you do know you're capable of. But it also makes u capable to do things u usually wouldn't be capable of doing if u get what I'm saying. For example, there's no way I'd socialize with some people if it weren't for my depersonalization simply because if I wasn't numb, I'd realize just how bad my social status is, what they think of me etc. However, with depersonalization, that's all out of the way. I also couldn't really sit all by myself in a bar because it'd be too embarrassing. With depersonalization, I'm capable of that. I realized those things today. Those two examples were simply the most banal ones. Now, looking at my screenname, u can obviously conclude I'm not exactly the biggest fan of DP but give the devil it's due, it does have a positive thing or two. At least in my case, I figured out there's a ton of sadness, fear, lack of self respect etc. beneath my depersonalization. I think for me it's a matter of achieving things, socializing etc. Then those negative feelings should evaporate I hope. But DP as much as it sucks, it does keep a lot of things in check for me.


This is very true, as I started getting some reality back I also got all the stresses that reality brings. Don't expect life without DP/DR to be easy, there are bad times as well as good, the main difference is the intensity of these feelings. When you're happy you're really happy, when you're stressed it can get pretty bad. 
Be ready for the toughness of reality when you start to get your life back.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

yeah I'm the same...my reality is too emotional to handle and too embarassing and depressing...sometimes I still feel those emotions and I just can't handle it. With dp I'm just too confused to understand anything lol.


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## Cambella2002 (Nov 25, 2010)

PhuckDP....You make a good point. For the past week, I've been feeling the same about DP/DR


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Yeah, definitely.

I have a WONDERFUL boyfriend, loving and caring parents, few but really good friends, a nice hobby, a nice part-time-job, up to now a proper education. I love to live, I love to laugh, I would love to become the oldest woman in the world *lol* The only thing that threatens me about my reality is my future job, as I don't know if it was a right choice. But, besides of this?? I am just waiting to wake up again


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## foghat (Jan 1, 2011)

I know EXACTLY what you mean! THe past week or so I've been taking several different supplements and I've been having flashes of coming out of this. Meaning, everything starts feeling real, 'the veil' is somewhat lifted, but the problem is that the reality scares me to death. Why? Because I've had this for 15 plus years. I just ended up getting used to this false reality. Like I have all the facts, data etc about my past, but no real connection. So, initially when I first got dp/dr, things started feeling unfamiliar. NOW, during these brief times that I'm coming out of it, my familiarity to The Fog is becoming unfamiliar. Like here the last couple days, I've felt like I'm stepping thru that glass to reality, but my apartment starts to feel unreal. So, I had to force myself back into the fog for fear of waking up into reality and not knowing where I am. If anyone has fully recovered from this after many, many years of having this please respond. I'm afraid I have an amnesia thing and I'll be totally lost when I recover. Do you snap back in all at once like that or is it a meshing type of thing. Thanks


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

foghat said:


> I know EXACTLY what you mean! THe past week or so I've been taking several different supplements and I've been having flashes of coming out of this. Meaning, everything starts feeling real, 'the veil' is somewhat lifted, but the problem is that the reality scares me to death. Why? Because I've had this for 15 plus years. I just ended up getting used to this false reality. Like I have all the facts, data etc about my past, but no real connection. So, initially when I first got dp/dr, things started feeling unfamiliar. NOW, during these brief times that I'm coming out of it, my familiarity to The Fog is becoming unfamiliar. Like here the last couple days, I've felt like I'm stepping thru that glass to reality, but my apartment starts to feel unreal. So, I had to force myself back into the fog for fear of waking up into reality and not knowing where I am. If anyone has fully recovered from this after many, many years of having this please respond. I'm afraid I have an amnesia thing and I'll be totally lost when I recover. Do you snap back in all at once like that or is it a meshing type of thing. Thanks


I can completely relate to this as well. It was seriously just back in October that I felt that way too. Just 3 months ago I felt like I was recovering and was TERRIFIED of reality all at the same time. The interesting thing is that I'm not afraid of reality at all now and I was seriously terrified of reality. The thing about dp is that it is a protective mechanism and it slips away pretty much at the rate hair grows. It won't leave until you are ready for it to leave. For me, I've now gotten to where my dr will go completely away. Like I will seriously look around and everything is real and I know it's real. It's sharp and clear and real and not dream like at all. But my dp is still there and I still feel like everything is a dream, even when everything looks real. But slowly things keep slipping back into place. Like a couple of times I've realized that I feel solid as a person. Like normally, I feels like a fluid thing inside of a dream. I'm not a real person. There is nothing conrete to cling to. Then there are times like today where my identity gets roots in reality and I realize that I am a person. A real person and that it's a concrete fact that I can cling to and I get a little uncomfortable. It's all because I've felt luqid and unreal for a year. I find that so interesting because my entire life I've been a control freak. Always over away of my body and how I felt and always had anxiety and in my anxiety, my biggest comfort was putting my finger to my neck and feeling my blood pump. Feeling my heart beat made me know that I was alive and a person and in control and with dp, even that comfort went away. So it's strange now how when I feel it again, it is unsettling to me.

I guess the entire point I am trying to make is that dp changes how we see the world and even if we fear reality while in dp, think of how much we feared dp when we got it and wanted nothing more than for it to go away. So dp will fade, as slowly and comfortably as you need it to. It won't suddenly disappear before you are ready and leave you trying to deal with things you feel that you cannot. It's will gradually fade, just in the same way we gradually get old each day. The one day, hopefully just 3 months down the road, you will be where I am not fear reality at all. Then who know, maybe in 3 months I might be recovered, and maybe it will be same for you.


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## whatthehell (Jul 27, 2010)

Great response ^ I feel like i go forward and backwards all the time. Its hard to deal with, but at the same time, its not that hard. Eventually this thing will pass.


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## kr123 (Jan 8, 2011)

PhuckDP said:


> Not to be a downer but depersonalization as far as I know among many things is also a defensive mechanism. So it exists for a reason. It protects us from something, something that makes us very uneasy and vulnurable. Recently I've been regaining reality which is tremendous, which I can be really grateful for but then when the gidiness is gone I realize that I don't exactly like my reality that much. On a conscious level, it's great. I want it. I just want reality. I"ll take it from there. But on a subconscious level, I do feel very uneasy.
> Obviously, depersonalization numbs you down. It takes away your feelings and everything else. Sure, that makes you incapable of doing million things you do know you're capable of. But it also makes u capable to do things u usually wouldn't be capable of doing if u get what I'm saying. For example, there's no way I'd socialize with some people if it weren't for my depersonalization simply because if I wasn't numb, I'd realize just how bad my social status is, what they think of me etc. However, with depersonalization, that's all out of the way. I also couldn't really sit all by myself in a bar because it'd be too embarrassing. With depersonalization, I'm capable of that. I realized those things today. Those two examples were simply the most banal ones. Now, looking at my screenname, u can obviously conclude I'm not exactly the biggest fan of DP but give the devil it's due, it does have a positive thing or two. At least in my case, I figured out there's a ton of sadness, fear, lack of self respect etc. beneath my depersonalization. I think for me it's a matter of achieving things, socializing etc. Then those negative feelings should evaporate I hope. But DP as much as it sucks, it does keep a lot of things in check for me.


I can relate to this!!I think its somewhat recovery when you reach this point but you just have to get yourself back to the old you.. Ive been actually more outoging than usual and been talking to people i usually wouldnt , i dont care what people think of me anymore and dont care how i look! i also lost my "modes" like school mode at home mode and with friends mode do you know what i mean i feel like im always the same but i want the old me back because i used to care what people thaught of me and what i looked like and how i acted and now i dont i want my CARE back it motivated me and felt good!!!


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