# My Life is back, and You can get yours back too



## Floaters14 (Nov 14, 2008)

Hey, this is a long read, but I promise it will help you.

I was never a member of this site, but I would read this site nearly every day back when I had Depersonalization. It became an obsession and a huge part of my life, and my social life ended up suffering, as well.

Let me start from the beginning...
I smoked pot one day right before high school began and had a panic attack later that night and legitimately thought I was going to die. I was freaking out completely, and after one foggy day, I was back to normal.

I decided to try smoking one more time about a year later, and I felt nervous, but nothing else. A few days later, I began to have the worst depersonalization you could possibly imagine... I would look into the mirror, and you know that logically, it is you, but deep inside, it just didn't feel like it. I would look at my hands, and they didn't feel like mine, they felt like paper almost. I felt constantly zoned out. I cannot completely go into how different I felt, but I am sure you all understand. I remember once going out to eat with my dad at Remington Grill, and I just started to feel weird. I had to go to the bathroom, and I ended up freaking out and crying (panic attack) and I ended up calling my mom and telling her everything that happened, and she was kind of ok with it, but it was weird...(just as kind of a side note)

For a long time I thought I was developing schizophrenia and became paranoid about that. I would research it almost every night, and I only became more sure that I had it. This began to freak me out horribly. It took me a very long while to even discover dp. When I finally found out I had that, I still did not have my life back. I was still out of it and always thinking about it. Around this time, my eye floaters also became extremely large and noticeable..I do not even remember when they first came, but I think it was right about when I started high school. I also became to obsess over my vision then, and I began to think I had hppd (floaters, visual snow, etc.) and began to research that nearly every night.

My life was literally horrible and I hated living. Nobody could understand what I was going through. I went to psychologists, counselors, whatever my mom could get me to. I cannot remember the exact transition point to the way I am now (back involved with life), but I am so glad to be back. The one thing you have to remember, even though you may not believe me, is that it is all in your head, YOU ARE STILL THERE AND THE SAME PERSON. YOU ARE ALIVE AND WELL. After a while, I began to obsess about other things and completely forgot about my dp and hppd. Unfortunately, coming back to this site has started to make me feel dp'd again, so this obviously proves that its only because I am thinking about it. If you forget about DP completely, you no longer have it. Just try and move on with your life.

Now I am completely back to normal. But, I still have huge floaters that do irritate the living crap out of me, and I do not know if they are related. I am deciding if i need surgery for them, the pills and everything I have tried are not working. I also think I may have visual snow slightly, but I asked many other people to really focus, and they say they all see it when they look at a blank wall, when its dark, etc. I think we dp'd people are often very obsessive and that is what leads to this cycle of thought you get trapped into called DP.

I have even smoked pot SEVERAL times since I have been cured and forgot about DP, and it has never brought it back or anything, though. Let me just say that you can get out of this. It may take some time (about 3 years in my case) but you can probably do it quicker. I had to find out myself that nothing was wrong with me and that I was just stuck in an irritating thought cycle. You can escape. Trust me on this. Your life can be back and you will LOVE IT SO MUCH!! THERE IS HOPE! I wish you all the best of luck, and I know you can and will get out of this eventually.

I am back and loving my life. I know you guys wake up every morning thinking, "When is this going to end?!" Or at least I did. I remember one morning I woke up because a friend called and the ringing woke me up and wanted to hang out with me. That day, I did not feel the DP until about halfway through the day. I was just distracted from it. I would forget about DP for minutes, then a few days later maybe an hour, then a while later, I began to forget about it for hours. I then forgot about DP for days, and it has now been months and months. It is slightly coming back from visiting this site, but I figured it is worth it because you guys deserve your lives back, and I know you can. I got mine back and you can too. Just forget about DP and try and get on with your life. Good luck!

Also, if any of you know how to get rid of floaters in the eye, I would greatly appreciate it...

Sincerely,
Floaters14

If i remember anything else about my "transition" back to my current state I will write it down


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## Luciiz (Oct 15, 2008)

Floaters14 said:


> It is slightly coming back from visiting this site, but I figured it is worth it because you guys deserve your lives back, and I know you can.


This is what put me off believing in your post.

Are you sure that DP/DR is COMPLETLEY (yes, COMPLETELY) gone, and not that you've just learnt to ignore it?


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## StaciMarie333 (Sep 9, 2008)

I agree. Sounds like you have learned to ignore it very well. I ignored mine for years because i just gave up on finding out what it was. It certainly has not gone away for me. When you think about it, it becomes more obvious that its there. But i certainly appreciate the advice.


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## Roderer (Oct 17, 2008)

I think I understand why coming back again has sort of brought back dp for Floater14...

Since I got registered, I haven't not only received a single word of encouragement, but also I hadn't read more than just a few threads/posts of genuine help.

You can count recovery stories with the fingers of only one of your hands.

The rest are trapped all in the same cycle self pity and self indulgence, complaining about how ignorant doctors are (as if those users should have the authority to...), and scaring newcomers with their testimonies of so called chronic/permanent dp-dr, when it's absolutely impossible for both symptoms to reach the category of illnesses _per se_.

If there's some people who can't recover, it's because they do nothing but wallowing in their sufferings.

Both dp-dr are anxiety/angst/depression symptoms. Meds help coping with them. But you must have the balls to face your fears and undergo psychotherapy right now. I suggest psychoanalysis, although it's underestimated by so many people. Pay no attention to bullsh*t like "talk therapy made things worst and even pushed me towards suicidal ideas/attemps". That's CRAP, and I actually read certain users saying things such as these. That kind of irresponsability is disgusting.


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## Luciiz (Oct 15, 2008)

Roderer, I completley understand that this forum is quite actually a load of crap for trying to give encouragement to people about this condition. There's all sorts of people saying they've suffered with it for years and have had no signs of getting better, which is very disheartening. But are your posts really helping? We're all in the same boat here, so why should each of us expect everyone else to do the encouragement? You're certainly not. However I do strongly agree that this forum is inextricably terrible as a support forum, as everyone here are sufferers and not recoverers.

But here's a bit of hope for you all reading: I got mine (derealization, not depersonalization) from smoking salvia about 3 months ago, and only recently in the last 3 weeks I've seen a lot of change, I'm seeming a lot more "here". I really can't picture myself still having this condition a year on at this rate (as long as I don't take salvia again).


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## Roderer (Oct 17, 2008)

Luciiz said:


> Roderer, I completley understand that this forum is quite actually a load of crap for trying to give encouragement to people about this condition. There's all sorts of people saying they've suffered with it for years and have had no signs of getting better, which is very disheartening. But are your posts really helping? We're all in the same boat here, so why should each of us expect everyone else to do the encouragement? You're certainly not. However I do strongly agree that this forum is inextricably terrible as a support forum, as everyone here are sufferers and not recoverers.
> 
> But here's a bit of hope for you all reading: I got mine (derealization, not depersonalization) from smoking salvia about 3 months ago, and only recently in the last 3 weeks I've seen a lot of change, I'm seeming a lot more "here". I really can't picture myself still having this condition a year on at this rate (as long as I don't take salvia again).


I agree 100% with you, Luciiz, but... what do you want me to say? Encouraging is nothing if you don't roll up your sleeves and find the way out yourself. I've read plenty of posts and threads here, and I can point my finger on each and every user whose speeches are pernicious. I will give no names, but I think you can figure it out.

Again... What can of advice can I offer? *Yes, dp and dr will go away*. But you or whoever who reads me will do nothing with this alone. I can tell you and swear to God a million times and all the times you need it that those nasty symptoms will go away. But you have to put yourself in hands of a health professional, *both psychiatric and psychologist*.

Sometimes you need someone to take you from the nape of your neck, slap you in the face and make you get your feet back on the ground.

So that's my only advice: stop reading bullsh*t like dreamchild.net (a VERY adult person who should have face her problems and conflicts from long time ago instead of whinning on a self-made web site, with unreliable and FALSE medical information), NODID site (which scientifical support does it have?) and Dr. Simeon's books (whose titles should be "F*ck Freud, f*ck Lacan, f*ck all the psychology history: I want my place in medical history by "discovering" a new desease"), and put hands to work.

Dp and dr fades. No one of them are illneses themselves. The rest is crap.


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