# I feel vulnerable and feminine :(



## Fluke93

I have no idea of what I'm going to do. I have not been here for a while and it might not even be the right site. But considering it involves anxiety and depression which is the route of my dp I believe, I will post here. I'm in a rut. My view of the world has changed again, and right now it's terrifying me. I think it's definitely a possibility that I might be gay, and that terrifies me. I see myself as a total outcast which in a way I do like the idea of, but when it's this much it's horrible. I guess I need a friend who I'm not ashamed to talk to and one which I could relate to more. I've only felt like this for the past 6 months or so, but id be lying if I said I was not in pain. Suicidal thoughts I get quite often. The other night while drunk I thought I was gonna act on one. Maybe that's when one day I will pluck up enough courage to act on these thoughts in any way. I'm so emotional so pissed off with just everything in general, pissed off with the ignorance of people, pissed off with the hurting, pissed off with humanity. Pissed off with myself, pissed off with the thoughts I have. Pissed off with the egos of others, pissed off with the show off Attitude of the typical average macho male. Right now I'm at work in a roughy sort of area, a good 10 miles at least from my house. This place the people the crime. It drains me I'm making no bones about it it totally brings it out of me... It's not something I can ignore, and it's not something that affected me before. I know I sound like I should get over myself, because on the grand scale of things I'm so so so lucky and then it makes me feel guilty. How the fuck is it possible for a person who's liked women all his life suddenly lean the other side? This is just vent. I would like a reply, and an inbox would be nice. I feel like a freak to everyone.


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## Fluke93

Also like to add while I still feel in a state of clarity that my mood drops to miserable lows, neutral, to pure anger. It's like this everyday.


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## flipwilson

You sure you're not just dealing with OCD? There is actual homophobia (not used in the political sense) where sufferers either are scared they could become gay, or think they are already gay and then they obsess and check this like any other ritual(cleaning for example).. I dealt with this for 5 years in my early twenties and now I laugh that I could even have thought that. In my opinion this is just another off shoot of questioning identity and low confidence as a man. I believe that sexuality is something so natural that there would be no need to really question it.

Do you find yourself attracted to men? Or are you just wishing you looked or acted like certain guys?

Think about how powerful your sexual desires have been for women, have you ever felt that for a man, fantasized about a man in the same way? If not you're probably not gay.


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## Midnight

Man, I'd never once in my life questioned my desire for women until DP came along, but I realised that it's still there, just under the depression and detachment from my body. Naturally as DP disconnects us from the body, we identify less with traditional gender roles. I think that's a big part of it. There is nothing wrong with being gay though anyway.


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## SongBillong

Midnight ^ explained it perfectly. DP/DR just changes your perspective on everything. In my case, it completely removed my want for a partner of any kind, which was the complete opposite of what I was like before the disorder came along strongly. The feelings are slightly less extreme nowadays but I now consider myself asexual and I put 90% of that down to DP/DR. It really can change us completely, it's insane. But it's not necessarily a bad thing pal. It's clear how much DP/DR makes our brains go into overdrive so I've always thought that it just accelerates what was always supposed/destined to happen anyway.


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## Guest

what up dude nah you aint gay its all ocd you cant just turn gay its ocd and anxiety which you can beat.....I know because i got a coworker that i work with that had ocd and he said that he questioned his sexuality and stuff too but the difference is that you are disgusted by even the thought of it ....a gay person really isnt ashamed to be gay he is just ashamed to admit that he is gay.....a person with anxiety is scared to even be gay and lives afraid of that so no you aint gay im pretty sure you gotta be born gay to be really gay....anyways hope that helps


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## Guest

also I used to get intrusive thoughts and what helped me get out of it was plenty of exercise like weight lifting and stuff


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## meoz33

This could sound unrelated and abit new age-ie but I've recently realised that sex is rooted in spirituality. Men and women are both spiritual beings, our only difference is our physiological makeup. Today's society has made sex and attraction based mainly on physical attributes, it's all about how you look, how you act and self gratification. I think when you focus on body parts and appearence and objectifying the opposite sex, women is our case can lose their appeal, mystery and beauty.

I don't know how to express what I'm trying to say at the moment, Its been a long day and I'm not thinking clearly.

Anyways , when you're anxious a lot of the time it effects your confidence, self esteem and sex drive. I don't think you're gay I just think a lot of it has to do with anxiety, and thoughts. You're not alone anyway, there are others who feel the same.

Maybe you could consider doing exercise, eating well and relaxation techniques like meditation that will optimise hormone function and it might ease the anxiety which could increase confidence and get you feeling good about yourself again which might ease your worries.


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## Visual

When a guy needs help with serious emotional/mental problems (like DP) and can't really get it, they can feel weak, lose self-esteem and confidence. Some even question their gender. Add having some really bad 'women' experiences and it pushes this further. I've read several posts where guys feel they might be gay but it wasn't really what the problem is in their life.

Also have read several posts were guys thought they were gay, some even played around with other guys, but eventually realized that they were just very isolated and wanted close friends, not necessarily sex. As the above post discuses, emotional and sexual relationships are often different. One's mate should be both. But even that does not negate the need to have good non-sexual friends ... we are gregarious and much is gained by having a few good friends. Sadly, many people are isolated. And many are suffering.


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## missjess

Hey! Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of! Have u ever thought you may just be bicurious? There are many bisexual guys out there.
I have been with women before and although I wouldn't consider myself bisexual I definitely enjoy hooking up with females but I could not have a relationship with one.

Ur sexuality does not define who you are.


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## missjess

Visual said:


> When a guy needs help with serious emotional/mental problems (like DP) and can't really get it, they can feel weak, lose self-esteem and confidence. Some even question their gender. Add having some really bad 'women' experiences and it pushes this further. I've read several posts where guys feel they might be gay but it wasn't really what the problem is in their life.
> 
> Also have read several posts were guys thought they were gay, some even played around with other guys, but eventually realized that they were just very isolated and wanted close friends, not necessarily sex. As the above post discuses, emotional and sexual relationships are often different. One's mate should be both. But even that does not negate the need to have good non-sexual friends ... we are gregarious and much is gained by having a few good friends. Sadly, many people are isolated. And many are suffering.


Visual that's a very good point!


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## davinizi

Apart from it may be a DP thing, it could also be related to diet. Idk if you had a diet change recently but vegan men have reported not feeling anything when seeing hot women because their diet affected their hormones, so you may want to check that out.


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