# Just to share what happened today



## Bluesky (Jan 8, 2021)

Hello to all of you good people,

In one hand, I think that if when I want to post something here, I prefere it'd be positive

In another hand, I also need to be heard. Or read, in this case.

I do not do this often at all, share my sadness, but for once, I feel free to do so.

Are you going to read it all ?

It is okay if you respond even with a single word, it is better than nothing believe me.

And I thought, why not make this a post where you also share your day. Or something that happened in it, without needing to make a new post. Just an idea.

So, I am a young women, 21 yo. DPDR for 7 years now, or a little more.

Currently in the "healing process" if God wills it.

One of the sources of my disstress, my anxiety, my sadness, my depression, my fears, my complexes... is my dear mother.

With Mr OCD, it was worse.

Today, I was more tired than the other days, but in a good way. As if... I could finally BE tired freely, and let myself go. Let my face express that sadness... or anger.

My little sister, who is 18 yo, is also something of a... complice ?

Anyways, we were few kilometers away from home, maybe 3 ?

I was in the car with them, and they were criticizing me. In that certain really nasty way... I do not know how to explain it.

It isn't the first time, and it isn't the 80th time that they do that.

I was quiet the whole discussion, trying to decide weither or not to get out of the car. We were in traffic. The place was almost deserted, only males.

I told my mother to stop talking about me, just let it go. But, no.

There is so much details I can add, but it will talk too long.

So I tied my hair better, took my wallet and my phone, and opened the door while we were not moving. She said "don't dare", I just slammed the door.

It felt nice.

Do not take me for someone that takes pleasure in making others feel bad, or in being mean.

I chose to not give her my hatred, not give her anyhting. She doesn't deserve not place in my head. If it weren't for OCD...

I remember before I did that, she started talking about how I shouldn't be like that (meaning sad and ill and all that u know), because she can't see why I would be, there is nothing going on.

I got out, and walked forward in the dirt.

She drove away, didn't stop or park somewhere, didn't turn to check on me.

I walked. There was a small supermarket in the way, stopped there, saw a guy walking towards the way I wanted to go, and walked behind him.

In the way I thanked him in my head, he didn't know he helped me.

There were cars coming and going, but I didn't mind the staring..

There was a time, where the pression of the experience would of hurt me more.

There was a moment where one of the "fear sensations" came to me, but as always, what can we do but continue moving ?

Funny thing, I got home before my sister, who went to buy something (saw her from a distance when I arrived in the residence where our appartment is).

Asked my other little sister (12 yo) to leave the room... so I could let go obviously.

I cried a little, not completely everything out of my chest and body. But it will come, the time where I could yell and cry out loud every tear in me.

Thank you for reading, any comment would be appreciated.

May we all find peace.


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## AnnaGiulia (Feb 4, 2020)

You did well. You said "no" to the bullying, by taking yourself physically out of that car.

You have every right to protect yourself, and to set the boundaries the way it feels right to you.


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## Bluesky (Jan 8, 2021)

AnnaGiulia said:


> You did well. You said "no" to the bullying, by taking yourself physically out of that car.
> 
> You have every right to protect yourself, and to set the boundaries the way it feels right to you.


Thank you so much for these words. I always thought that maybe it was me exageratting and taking things too personally. But it is true that as time passes, and I try as always to heal myself, I can see some things here and there that I was blind to before. I am teaching myself to be in peace with whatever happens with my family, or with whatever they throw at me. Oh but how I wish to leave this home for good.

You are right about boundaries, thank you for reminding me that. God bless you.


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

You had a choice and you acted on it. By leaving the vehicle you demonstrated that you do not have to be submissive in the face of undeserved criticism.

That is a powerful thing to be able to do. Congratulations.

Hopefully, your mother and sister will understand it is inappropriate and unkind to team up in harassing you, and you will not stand for it.

Good luck!


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

One of the most horrible things about bullies is that they usually will not just attack you, but will also go on to attack any justified feelings or reactions you have to their behaviour. An abusive person will rarely, if ever, admit they've done anything wrong, and make you feel like you are the one being unreasonable. It's like being caught in a pincer move, which is exactly what it is. This can be called gaslighting, where you know things are wrong and you are hurting but it's being completely denied by those around you. It's very cruel and I'm sorry you are in this situation. It can cause a lot of mental health problems.

I think you were brave and assertive to do what you did and leave the car, and I hope maybe you can find safe friends outside of your family you can talk to, because what typically happens is we keep going back to the very people who hurt us, seeking validation which they will not or cannot give, and keep getting hurt because they don't ever change as long as they, or we, believe they have power over us.


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## Bluesky (Jan 8, 2021)

Phantasm said:


> One of the most horrible things about bullies is that they usually will not just attack you, but will also go on to attack any justified feelings or reactions you have to their behaviour. An abusive person will rarely, if ever, admit they've done anything wrong, and make you feel like you are the one being unreasonable. It's like being caught in a pincer move, which is exactly what it is. This can be called gaslighting, where you know things are wrong and you are hurting but it's being completely denied by those around you. It's very cruel and I'm sorry you are in this situation. It can cause a lot of mental health problems.
> 
> I think you were brave and assertive to do what you did and leave the car, and I hope maybe you can find safe friends outside of your family you can talk to, because what typically happens is we keep going back to the very people who hurt us, seeking validation which they will not or cannot give, and keep getting hurt because they don't ever change as long as they, or we, believe they have power over us.


Thank you for replying. It is true it's twisted. True that both my parents NEVER ever admitted their mistakes. And my mother has her own way of making not only me, but also my other sisters (even the "complice" one) feel miserable. I tried to talk to her about the side of her that was abusive, but she always redirected it on me. Always plays the "victim". Though of course, I do not deny that she did most of her "duties" as a mother, especially with my dad not helping her that much. But with her yelling and mean words (that we all are habituated to), and her always blaming it on others and complaining always without truly wanting to do anything to fix her problems, it is depressing, tiring, and many other things. And I already felt tired with her at a very young age, so imagine now, and with dp and shit, and not being able to leave home yet (as I keep hope) is... a lot.

And no, I do not have friends. But, when I will be able to form friendships, I'll won't do it out of fear of loneliness, and I will be myself completely, like I never was able to be with my family. And, yes, I learned to not seek validation from my parents anymore. Thank you for your words, since when someone understands, it feels less crazy and confusing. Peace be upon you.


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## Bluesky (Jan 8, 2021)

forestx5 said:


> You had a choice and you acted on it. By leaving the vehicle you demonstrated that you do not have to be submissive in the face of undeserved criticism.
> 
> That is a powerful thing to be able to do. Congratulations.
> 
> ...


Hello, I do not think they will understand or try to change. They do not have it in them, that thing inside you that makes you think about what you did wrong to others or rethink something and apologize. Which is one of the things that made me so pissed off when I was younger, the inability or the disinterest of most of the people I met from truly thinking of others and not be too be self-centered. Or like, try to put themselves in the other person's shoes.

I am proud of myself for being finally able to free myself and not suffer from these kinds of situations. And I will not stand for it anymore. What you wrote is encouraging, God bless your heart. And good luck to you too.


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