# Why do we need to escape from reality?



## Controlledistress (Oct 24, 2013)

Hello everyone i am new here and thought I would start a new thread.

I have been tackling with dp, derealization, and general anxiety for about three months now. It all started when I smoked a joint after work one day in late July. I hadn't eaten much, just a small salad and 5 coffees to go along with it (always been a caffeine addict, hell, not anymore), and was feeling quite tired from work. I met up with some friends and we decided to smoke some weed before going out. Three hits from one single j was all it took to catapult me into the most harrowing and life-consuming condition I have ever experienced. I have smoked considerably in the past, but I wouldn't consider myself a 'committed' smoker, just every once in a while for recreational use, and only with friends, and strictly marijuana, nothing more. That time, as soon as I took my first hit, I knew right away that something was wrong. I felt it in my throat, it hurt. My legs were shaky and my palms sweaty. The detachment from reality I attributed to the weed, so I wasn't particularly worried about that, it was mainly my heart-beat and the pain I felt in my chest and back. I felt the fear mount and, needless to say, I had my first panic attack. I went to the hospital and after an ECG they told me I had a panic attack due to substance abuse and that I was fine. I went back home, took a cold shower and had the most horrific night of my life. The next morning, after two or three hours of sleep I woke up to the sensation of detachment I had the night before, only problem was that by then the weed should have been out of my system. Then and there I started my struggle with dp. I have had it 24/7 every single day for three months (going on my fourth). I had some very low times and some moments where I felt I was better. I went to a therapist for two weeks but then had to move to a new city for a job offer. I spoke to numerous pyschaitriasts, psychologists and general doctors and they all gave me the same advice, 'you have nothing to worry about, it will go away by itself'. Oh and they gave me xanax, and a bunch of other pills. I only take xanax in drops whenever i feel too detached, never on a daily basis luckily. I have had so many syptoms that I could write a book about it: accelerated heart-beat, chest pains, digestive problems, acid reflux, insomnia, panic attacks, nausea, anxiety attacks, adrenaline attacks (during the night, horrible), blurred vision, vertigo and so on and so forth.. The most disturbing, and by far the most constant though, have been deperesonalization and derealisation. Every time I feel I got used to them, they strike back reminding me that it's not as easy as I would like it to be. First month I was afraid I was going crazy, thought I would do something incredibly stupid without the ability to control my actions. After some talks with doctors and after reading extensively (aren't we all experts by now?) about the subject, I realized it was just my mind playing tricks on me. This condition has taken a lot from me... I don't play football (soccer) anymore, I don't smoke anymore (cigarettes, it's a given that I stopped smoking weed), I don't like to go out anymore, and when I do, because I force myself to, I feel awkward, out of place and distant. My family knows about my dp. My friends and girlfriend don't, and it's very hard to hide it. If I could I would stay all day in bed, watching tv and drinking tea. Luckily I work, so I am never home, and I have a great group of friends that push me to go out all the time, and luckily I do. Okay sorry for the long intro, but it feels good to write about this..

I wanted to ask anyone how and why does our mind want us to see reality in such a distorted way? Why do we want to feel detached?? I have never had a problem with stress or anxiety before this all happened, why is my mind still convinced something is wrong? More importantly, is there a way out? Without taking pills... I want to live, I want to enjoy myself, go out, spend time with my family, work, be with my girlfriend.. but having this condition limits me so much. Thank you and I hope we can all stay strong. This is a very horrible condition, but it's harmless. I think that is the most important thing to remember...


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## SheWontFollow (Apr 16, 2013)

I've been struggling with this since January, actually it started on New Years Day. I've now gotten to the point where I don't suffer from physical symptoms anymore, it's all just in my head. I have to tell you though that for the past couple of weeks I've been focusing on tackling my repressed emotions. Basically dealing with the skeletons in my closet. Consciously bringing things to mind I haven't thought about for a long time. I literally made a list of all of the things in my life that I have been hurt by and wrote down how they made me feel. Whether it was being bullied in junior high or feeling envious of my cousin my whole life, I noticed a pattern. I realized why I do have self esteem issues and why I'm not confident enough or assertive enough. Why I always feel kind of out of the loop in social situations. I make it a daily goal of mine to leave nothing behind. I will tell you that since I've been doing this I've never felt more human since I've gotten DP. Its worth a shot and it can only do you good.


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## odisa (Sep 2, 2013)

tl;dr, but just wanted to say that I don't understand the whole "wanting to escape from reality" thing. If anything, I'd think that what we all want is to return to reality. I know I do.


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## morren (Oct 24, 2013)

I have experienced almost the excact same thing as you, i smoked a whole joint by myself the first time i ever smoked weed. This was in february i believe. Horrible experience. I didn't get any positive effects at all, only lots of anxiety, really bad short term memory loss, strange thought patterns, auditory distortions/hallucinations (people speaking backwards etc.). I could hear my own heartbeats loud and clear when i was trying to fall asleep. The next day I felt a bit detatched, but i thought it was just some kind of hangover. But after a couple of days, i would still get these symptoms. Symptoms like the feeling someone else were talking through my mouth when i was having a conversation with someone, the feeling of observing myself from outside. The symptoms developed, and for a while i felt like i was watching the world through a TV-screen. I've never talked to any doctor about this, but it got better by itself. After four months or so i started to feel like i was starting to recover, and now i feel almost completely normal. Sure, I still question my existence a lot, I still have these obsessive thoughts depersonalization brings along. But the actual distortion in my perception is pretty much gone by now. My new years resolution of 2014 is to get rid of these god damned thoughts.

In most cases of drug induced depersonalization, it goes away by itself. You have to realize that it is all caused by anxiety, depersonalization feeds from anxiety. The best therapy is to go out and and do stuff, staying at home watching TV all day will only worsen the situation. Something that really helped me the most was to excercise in the mornings, this would make me feel very real and present for the rest of the day. Throw away those pills, sure they can help you feel better for the moment. But they may worsen the situation in the long term. And talk to your friends, and especially girlfriend. In a while, you will realize that the symptoms are slowly fading away. Try to convince yourself that there's nothing wrong with you, you're just anxious.


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## Controlledistress (Oct 24, 2013)

odisa said:


> tl;dr, but just wanted to say that I don't understand the whole "wanting to escape from reality" thing. If anything, I'd think that what we all want is to return to reality. I know I do.


That's exactly what I mean. I want to return to reality but my mind still has a different perception of it, leading me to think that, due to some unresolved problem within me, be it physical or mental, I still feel the need to be detached from reality, thus the dp... Problem is, I have no idea what this unresolved issue is... I will definitely take 'SheWontFollow's advice.

I have noticed that when I am with friends and family I feel much better, I still feel some of the syptoms, but can handle them easily and I soon become distracted enough not to think about them. When I am alone though, either at work or at home, that's when it really hits me... I start to wonder about my symptoms and the detachment becomes stronger. When it comes to exercising I have almost stopped due to lack of time, but will try and make and effort to run at least twice a week. I will stop taking the pills. The relief is there but it's very brief, and I always feel a bit guilty after I take them.

Thanks for the support and for the advice. I know this is something that everybody says, but it's incredibly useful and reassuring to speak with people who know what dp feels like. Thanks! I hope we can all put this behind us soon.


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