# 1 year later



## Guest (Jul 16, 2010)

It's been around 1 year that I've learned what Depersonalization is, and that I have had it for now 7 years. I learned in June of 2009 about the label Depersonalization and it's been since July of 2003 that I've had it. I thought I was all alone for 6 years. Since learning of this forum and the DP'd Community I've felt a lot better about having it. While I'm happy to have found the I'm not alone, it also sad to see. It's sad to see that people from all walks of life can be unlucky and find themselves Depersonalized. I feel like that is what happened to me. I guess it was triggered by smoking Marijuana. But I don't know how that can really be since I smoked a heavy amount of pot 2 years straight before any DP showed up.

Right now I feel really stuck. I find myself surfing the web most of my time awake. It feels like I'm not accomplishing anything, and worse, like my time is being sucked away from me into a vacuum. I don't know what to do off the computer. So I pace around until I lay down and try to sleep. If I could I'd sleep 24/7. I just have no direction in life and I don't know where to begin. I allowed DP to take my life away, socially, physically, emotionally, mentally & everything else. And now I'm standing on a pile of ruins and there is no motivation to rebuild, because I wouldn't know where to start.

I guess I do feel better since a year ago. Because after learning I wasn't alone and DP is what I had been experiencing all along, it was easy for me to finally accept it. But today I feel really pissed off that my life means nothing. But at the same time I feel like I know what is really important in life, and that is something that everyone has to find out for themselves. And to that I owe Depersonalization a big one. Without experiencing hell I would not ever know what is in Heaven. That's just a metaphor...

...thanks for listening.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Your life most certainly does not lack meaning.

You are now free to do whatever you want. I know for a fact that you are very intelligent and articulate. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. I wish I were in your shoes right now. I still have a long road ahead of me.


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## Guest (Jul 16, 2010)

Thanks Inzom


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## Xerei (Feb 17, 2010)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> It's been around 1 year that I've learned what Depersonalization is, and that I have had it for now 7 years. I learned in June of 2009 about the label Depersonalization and it's been since July of 2003 that I've had it. I thought I was all alone for 6 years. Since learning of this forum and the DP'd Community I've felt a lot better about having it. While I'm happy to have found the I'm not alone, it also sad to see. It's sad to see that people from all walks of life can be unlucky and find themselves Depersonalized. I feel like that is what happened to me. I guess it was triggered by smoking Marijuana. But I don't know how that can really be since I smoked a heavy amount of pot 2 years straight before any DP showed up.
> 
> Right now I feel really stuck. I find myself surfing the web most of my time awake. It feels like I'm not accomplishing anything, and worse, like my time is being sucked away from me into a vacuum. I don't know what to do off the computer. So I pace around until I lay down and try to sleep. If I could I'd sleep 24/7. I just have no direction in life and I don't know where to begin. I allowed DP to take my life away, socially, physically, emotionally, mentally & everything else. And now I'm standing on a pile of ruins and there is no motivation to rebuild, because I wouldn't know where to start.
> 
> ...


even a heavy pot-smoker can have a bad trip, probably what you had...it doesn't always matter of amount or anything, a bad trip is a bad trip.


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## Minerva8979 (Jan 30, 2010)

I feel ya dude. The thing is...someone's always got it worse. And you ALWAYS have good attributes that you don't give yourself enough credit for. The key is to harness the good thoughts, self-esteem,self-motivation,energy to make the climb baby step by baby step. 
I agree with Inzom. You feel stagnant right now... but things will get better,allow them to happen.


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## Guest (Jul 16, 2010)

Minerva8979 said:


> I feel ya dude. The thing is...someone's always got it worse. And you ALWAYS have good attributes that you don't give yourself enough credit for. The key is to harness the good thoughts, self-esteem,self-motivation,energy to make the climb baby step by baby step.
> I agree with Inzom. You feel stagnant right now... but things will get better,allow them to happen.


Thanks, this is very encouraging.


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## hoot (Jun 17, 2010)

Feel ya as well. Because of DP I dropped out of college, have now alienated most of my friends, potential girlfriends and wasted 3 years of my life. Luckly college is free in my country, so I just wasted some taxpayer money.

But I'm still young and have many years left (I'd like to think anyway), Bill Gates was a college drop-out and I can always make new friends and find new girls, although getting back in the socializing game after two years of being a hermit is going to be challenging, but doable.

As for the meaning of your life, you decide that, and nobody else.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

College is free in finland? Really? Even here in "socialist" sweden you have to get a loan and/or grant.


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## hoot (Jun 17, 2010)

Inzom said:


> College is free in finland? Really? Even here in "socialist" sweden you have to get a loan and/or grant.


Yes, everything except the books and pencils.

How big loans do you need?


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

You cant decide yourself how much you need, its handled by CSN, poorly translated to "the central board of study-aid" the loan part is 5444 Swedish kronor = 573 Euros and the grant part is 2696 Swedish kronor = 283 Euros. Totalling 856 Euros calculated for a timeperiod of 4 weeks. How much do you get/loan in finland? because I mean even if the actual school is free you still gotta live.


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

Thanks for this post. My dp started around the same time yours did, a few months earlier, and it took awhile to find out that there's a name for what's wrong with me. A couple of the maybe 8 therapists I've been to have used the word "psychotic" to describe it, which, of course, fit right in with the rumination about how I'm insane, which wasn't fun. But it's been getting better, at least on an emotional level--less numbness, more feelings, I think. I'm still living in a dream, basically, which sucks, but I can actually feel that it sucks







, which is progress.


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