# Been on Celexa (citalopram) for over a month



## Minerva8979

The first few days were aggrivating because the 10mg daily citalopram noticeably heightened the derealization. I could feel the citalopram literally kick in 15-20 min after ingestion and my pupils dilated pretty wide. After a few weeks I was thinking every day that I just want to get off of this medicine because its making the DR 10x worse and its making me think of suicide, not in a sad way but in a "practical" way.

But after about...four weeks I could feel the slow easing change of my mental state. I feel, to an extent, numb. My mind won't let me think anxious and depressing thoughts. It literally won't let me go there. But on the same token, It won't let me go much anywhere else either.

I don't have burst of any deep emotion. I don't think about past memories, my mind won't let me go there. I see things that normally would've riled me up in some form but now I just think.."..hah..". And so all the while I have a pleasant demeanor,I just feel like my self is dissolving into a Pink Floyd song. It all sounds exactly like DP/DR, and in a way it is. Except without the depression and anxiety.

As the days progress I feel less and less bothered. I don't necessarily feel motivated but I don't have that self-deprecating inner dialogue. The worst parts of my psyche have no grasp on me to drag me down. And it seems like the part of myself that kept me moving through the DP and DR is even more responsible for my daily functioning.

My friend noticed the difference in me too. I'm more quiet and reposed. I dont feel the need to conversate much, also because not much comes to mind. I find pleasure in interacting with animals or kids rather than sitting and having intellectual talks, etc.

So we'll see. I started on 10 mg dose but recently put myself on a 5 mg dose per day. I think I can feel the difference.

But right now...I don't know if my body is not as disoriented from the medicine....or the medicine has absorbed enough to where I don't care and notice that the dr is worse. That kind of worries me.

I'm sure If I didn't have DPD this medicine would be awesome.lol But I'm willing to stay on it for at least three months because I'm curious, and it is my first "mental" med afterall.


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## Brando2600

Minerva8979 said:


> I just feel like my self is dissolving into a Pink Floyd song.


Well if there were any kind of song to dissolve into...


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## ValleyGirl

Prozac did that to me pre-dpd. I would take it and just not have a personality. I mean, I never felt suicidal or happy. I just was. Just very even mood, not sad but not happy.


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## yesyes

bad memories.... after a bad divorce and being kinda down, the dr decided to rx me celexa (also as an aid to quit smoking). this was feb 18 2008. 3 hours after taking it, I experienced baaad dr which hasnt gone since then. 
I really hope it works for you. i just wanted to share my experience....


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## Fluke93

Been on it for a while now. Around 3 months i believe, im on 20mg. Its strange because the first 2 weeks of this med actually took most my DP away. Now i don't know what to think in a way i think its done its work. I still have depressing thoughts, but my anxiety is or at least was non existent. But now some of the anxiety is creeping back in, but im not letting it beat me. Right now i don't know what to think, people are telling me it caused their DP, which is not too settling to hear to be honest. In a way its almost like its forcing me not to be too depressed, forcing me not to have anxiety, and its almost as if i can feel the anxiety inside my head, but the celexa is giving my brain a wall, and the anxiety cant cross it. Its almost like im constantly on neutral. I want to come off it, mainly because my 18th birthday is coming up and i want a drink, i think i deserve one to be fair. But at the same time i am anxious as to if i will be able to keep myself stable while off it. College and work is essential to me and i cant afford to skip it because of my mental state.

Good for you to going on 5mg, you dont really need that junk inside you anyway. But I'm sure you know to be careful if you plan on coming off it, you need your doctor to reduce it slowly 10mg not a high dose anyway. Good luck.


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## Minerva8979

ValleyGirl said:


> Prozac did that to me pre-dpd. I would take it and just not have a personality. I mean, I never felt suicidal or happy. I just was. Just very even mood, not sad but not happy.


Yea, even;flat.


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## Minerva8979

yesyes said:


> bad memories.... after a bad divorce and being kinda down, the dr decided to rx me celexa (also as an aid to quit smoking). this was feb 18 2008. 3 hours after taking it, I experienced baaad dr which hasnt gone since then.
> I really hope it works for you. i just wanted to share my experience....


Damn...Does that mean the Celexa triggered your DR or were you experiencing it prior to that? I wonder what it is about the Celexa that does that.I don't know, do other SSRI's do that? Because it is definitely a noticeable effect, it wasn't my DR, it was the citalopram.


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## Minerva8979

Fluke said:


> Been on it for a while now. Around 3 months i believe, im on 20mg. Its strange because the first 2 weeks of this med actually took most my DP away. Now i don't know what to think in a way i think its done its work. I still have depressing thoughts, but my anxiety is or at least was non existent. But now some of the anxiety is creeping back in, but im not letting it beat me. Right now i don't know what to think, people are telling me it caused their DP, which is not too settling to hear to be honest. In a way its almost like its forcing me not to be too depressed, forcing me not to have anxiety, and its almost as if i can feel the anxiety inside my head, but the celexa is giving my brain a wall, and the anxiety cant cross it. Its almost like im constantly on neutral. I want to come off it, mainly because my 18th birthday is coming up and i want a drink, i think i deserve one to be fair. But at the same time i am anxious as to if i will be able to keep myself stable while off it. College and work is essential to me and i cant afford to skip it because of my mental state.
> 
> Good for you to going on 5mg, you dont really need that junk inside you anyway. But I'm sure you know to be careful if you plan on coming off it, you need your doctor to reduce it slowly 10mg not a high dose anyway. Good luck.


I get that "wall" feeling too. Like its saying "no no no" to my thoughts lol.

You can drink on it dude, just dont get wasted all the time. Unless your one of those few people who's at risk for seratonin toxidrome,or whatever. I told my doctor that "Yea,..I drink, I just turned 21" and he said "just don't drink all the time". But youre not on a high dosage of citalopram anyway. I think you'd be ok for one birthday night.


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## yesyes

Minerva8979 said:


> Damn...Does that mean the Celexa triggered your DR or were you experiencing it prior to that? I wonder what it is about the Celexa that does that.I don't know, do other SSRI's do that? Because it is definitely a noticeable effect, it wasn't my DR, it was the citalopram.


I experienced dr from ages 19-23. Then it went away completely. This celexa/dr episode started at age 30. I have suffered bad dr since then. I stopped taking it after 3 days but the dr stayed.


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## Visual

Minerva8979 said:


> The first few days were aggrivating because the 10mg daily citalopram noticeably heightened the derealization. I could feel the citalopram literally kick in 15-20 min after ingestion and my pupils dilated pretty wide. After a few weeks I was thinking every day that I just want to get off of this medicine because its making the DR 10x worse and its making me think of suicide, not in a sad way but in a "practical" way.
> 
> But after about...four weeks I could feel the slow easing change of my mental state. I feel, to an extent, numb. My mind won't let me think anxious and depressing thoughts. It literally won't let me go there. But on the same token, It won't let me go much anywhere else either.
> 
> I don't have burst of any deep emotion. I don't think about past memories, my mind won't let me go there. I see things that normally would've riled me up in some form but now I just think.."..hah..". And so all the while I have a pleasant demeanor,I just feel like my self is dissolving into a Pink Floyd song. It all sounds exactly like DP/DR, and in a way it is. Except without the depression and anxiety.
> 
> As the days progress I feel less and less bothered. I don't necessarily feel motivated but I don't have that self-deprecating inner dialogue. The worst parts of my psyche have no grasp on me to drag me down. And it seems like the part of myself that kept me moving through the DP and DR is even more responsible for my daily functioning.
> 
> My friend noticed the difference in me too. I'm more quiet and reposed. I dont feel the need to conversate much, also because not much comes to mind. I find pleasure in interacting with animals or kids rather than sitting and having intellectual talks, etc.
> 
> So we'll see. I started on 10 mg dose but recently put myself on a 5 mg dose per day. I think I can feel the difference.
> 
> But right now...I don't know if my body is not as disoriented from the medicine....or the medicine has absorbed enough to where I don't care and notice that the dr is worse. That kind of worries me.
> 
> I'm sure If I didn't have DPD this medicine would be awesome.lol But I'm willing to stay on it for at least three months because I'm curious, and it is my first "mental" med afterall.


Bravo that you are persisting and working with it. That is what is often needed to evaluate a medication.

The Pink Floyd sounds great (as Brando pointed out)

As far as how you are feeling with it, that is the nature of SSRIs. Blunting - depression and anxiety (and often everything else).

Take care - wish you success


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## gill

Takes a lot of patience but seems to be worth a try for people who are okay with meds.


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## PhoenixDown

weird, celexa has also been making me think of suicide in a practical way.

brains r weird.


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## baking_pineapple

I'm in a particularly volatile love-hate relationship with the drug right now. I've been taking it for about two years for intense, almost schizophrenia inducing anxiety and I've tried to quit multiple times due to the emotional flat lining. But every time I quit it, all this debilitating emotional shit starts bubbling to the surface of my awareness and I start having the most intense social anxiety. Thus, I usually only manage about a week off it before I come crawling back, begging it to grant me it's magic anxiety relieving powers. I'm about to go see a psychiatrist and see if I can get prescribed depakote or some other mood stabilizer since from what i've read it seems better suited to DP. Fuck SSRIs if they're all like citalopram... this colorless, anxiety-free wasteland isn't worth it for me. But remember, drugs affect everyone differently so don't give too much weight to anecodtal reports cause your body may react completely differently. Good luck and try not to get stuck on the medicinal merry-go-round for too long.


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## PhoenixDown

Celexa has been hugely beneficial to my overall wellbeing. I credit it with more or less destroying my anxiety. Great! Too bad DP is still here.


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## Dyna

PhoenixDown said:


> Celexa has been hugely beneficial to my overall wellbeing. I credit it with more or less destroying my anxiety. Great! Too bad DP is still here.


How long before it kicked in?


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## PhoenixDown

6-8 weeks. Pretty much what doctors say about the wait.


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## ValleyGirl

yesyes said:


> I experienced dr from ages 19-23. Then it went away completely. This celexa/dr episode started at age 30. I have suffered bad dr since then. I stopped taking it after 3 days but the dr stayed.


Prozac triggered dp in me twice. The first time the dp lasted a week and a half and the 2nd time, I've had dp for almost 2 years non stop.


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