# Depersonalization vs Repersonalization



## DasBoot (Jul 14, 2012)

Hi Everyone! I'm incredibly tired so I'll try to keep this short. I'm not even sure that what I experience is depersonalization. I always feel some level of "disconnection" from the world around me, nothing looks any different but it definitely "feels" different. Things that should seem familiar or "warm" seem to lack something from when I was much younger. Ever since I was probably about 10 or 11 I have occasionally had these experiences that I would call "spells" where I would suddenly become aware that I was an actual living being. I'd be like "This is really me?! OMG!" and it would scare the living daylights out of me but I'd be back to normal just a second later. I tried to explain this to my parents but they just brushed it off. Well at the age of 19 I was diagnosed with depression, 21ish anxiety, then finally at 28 I was diagnosed with ADD (I'm 33 now almost 34). With the ADD meds and SSRI I'm on I don't experience the "spells" very often at all but the reason for my posting this is that I wonder if 99.9% of the time I'm depersonalized and when these "spells" happen that it is when my mind is trying to reconnect with the reality of my existence (things about me I don't like). Seasoned veterans of this forum (of which I've been a lurker for a long time), which is the DP, the "spells" or the rest of the time?

Thanks in advance and have a great weekend everyone!


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## Mandy L. (May 24, 2010)

i have had dp my whole life, so that until I was 18 I thought I was perfectly normal, but just a little depressed, but then Ithings started to go wrong my my life and that's when now I know; I got also DR, after many years trying really hard to be ok again at the age of 20 or 21 I had one glimpse out of Dr and DP at the same time with everything feeling extremely real etc.

I'm super sleepy now, because I took a tranquilizer (because I've been to an automobile accident today and that was a bit fucked up)

Well so I am now free from DR, and dp I always had it, and then it feels like its the way it should be, then again when I get this feeling of "WOW this i mmeeeeee, My stuff" and suddenly i get to perceive my body, my eyes moving, my own voice etc etc and it freakis me out so much I start to push it away, doing things in w way it will depersonalize me back.

I dot rly know how do deal with it when it happens i have the impression this is normal, but it's tooo much for me to handle considering all the traumas and the situatio i am right now, I'm super stressed, so adapting to it under such huge amouts of tress has been painful and i feel without a shiel, exposed. when i'm not on DP. so now i feel these flucuations n stuff.

i'm getting better

I hope you understood what I said, and I hope it helps, if you need more infor just ask me whatever you want 
!!1!!

Good luck


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## DasBoot (Jul 14, 2012)

Amanda L. said:


> i have had dp my whole life, so that until I was 18 I thought I was perfectly normal, but just a little depressed, but then Ithings started to go wrong my my life and that's when now I know; I got also DR, after many years trying really hard to be ok again at the age of 20 or 21 I had one glimpse out of Dr and DP at the same time with everything feeling extremely real etc.
> 
> I'm super sleepy now, because I took a tranquilizer (because I've been to an automobile accident today and that was a bit fucked up)
> 
> ...


Hi Amanda,
Thank you very much for your reply. Your description of "WOW this is meeee!" describes exactly what I was talking about. I hope you feel better soon. Thanks for verifying that I'm not the only one that feels like this.


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## Juan (Jul 5, 2012)

dp / dr are different by definition, but they are both simply a symptom of chronic anxiety


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## Mandy L. (May 24, 2010)

DasBoot said:


> Hi Amanda,
> Thank you very much for your reply. Your description of "WOW this is meeee!" describes exactly what I was talking about. I hope you feel better soon. Thanks for verifying that I'm not the only one that feels like this.


Oh, excuse me for all the typos,

Ok so, yesterday I took Xanax it was the first time I took it, I'm kinda sensitive to medication, so I am still now in the morning, very sleepy.

Well this feeling of "WOOWOW this is myself, fuck!" (and then I feel shocked), has been present lately, and what I meant to say is that I think this is what normal should feel, it's just that it's too much for me to handle right now , maybe you had dp along your life, I believe it could be due to anxiety and what you experience are fluctuations when you get back to normal.

If you think of my case, as an example of what could be also happening to you, I didn't dissociate for "*no reason*" so when I come back from DP is usually a "bad" experience because I've lived for so long with DP that being out of it 100% at once is difficult for me! Then I feel anxious by feeling "everything" so real. I think it's a sign of recovery, but I still need to adapt, but I think you should also try to not push it away, I'm getting slightly and steadily better from along the days, but I get really scared when it comes out of the sudden.

Can you describe me more how it feels when you feel that "you are really you"

In my case feel like I just "found out" that the body is mine, and the life is and was always mine, it's really like if things suddenly had this personal meaning for me, my family, my stuff in my room, the scars in my body, my hands, and then I start feeling my face, my eyes moving and my breathing my entire body in a personal "that's me" sensation.

How is it like for you?

Best,

Amanda

BTW sorry again for any further grammar, spell, mistakes or typos I'm fucking sleepy, i had benzos before, but this one now hit me quite hard I have no idea why, but this is the 1st time I take a benzo after I recovered from dr and partially from dp, I heard about thatpsychotr. medicines can be needed in larger doses for dp ppl

Cheers!!!


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## kristennj (Jul 18, 2012)

ohhh i so understand. it hits me, and i question our being here, how weird life is to me. and how i feel like in a dream!!!


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