# Leaving dpselfhelp



## johnnyQ (Aug 12, 2010)

a.s. Break on through - the doors, recommended while reading

First of all I'd like to say thank you to all of you supportive and constructive fellow sufferers on this forum, and of course to the founders of the same.

I am leaving as said in the title for now or forever. Something happened. It's hard to explain but i know i've cracked the veil of dpdr that was caging my consciousness, for a bit, at least for the time while i am writing this. This is a blessing. 
How is it like? It was like those AHA insights, when you can't remember something then you stop thinking about it and it clicks to you - aha. It is so liberating, and now I feel alive a bit more. It was almost as the tension of back of my neck relieved, like my amygdala let go of my cortex. 
How am i certain of this? OH I AM CERTAIN.
Let me remind you i am not recovered, i am just seeing light a bit more. But i feel it's a breakthrough (to the other side).

What happened?

Was it omega 3, b vitamins, magnesium or the chocolate i ate hours ago?

Was it me studying and not ruminating all day?

Was it just time, this long eight months of "hell"?

Was it this inspiring book i was reading? (A stroke of insight - a brain scientist's...)

Was it my growing atitude of not giving a damn of my ongoing paranoid mental chatter and obssession over this state?

Or was it me taking one of my intrusive fearful thoughts of going insane and facing it by imagining the possible scenario and winning over anxiety?

I really can't tell. But something worked. And it was just me not giving up on myself. I wouldn't have done one of these things if i didn't try. That's all.

I wanted to share this with you to offer some more hope. 
Why am i leaving? I believe i've learned probably enough on this state on this forum, and am going to use that knowledge in my life. Also I am in no more need of any more support or reassurance that this site offers. And I am cutting down on my useless internet time. I want to see the outside more, i want to remember.

Any advice from my narcisstic ass?

Well, i know when i was down that i use to seek for a definitive answer for a cure on this thing through recovery section. There is none. Just strive and endure. Try everything, just try.

Well that's me. JohnnyQ over and out.

Goodbye from Croatia


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