# I had DP/DR for 7 years. I'm back to normal.



## Harpo (Oct 15, 2009)

So, the reason I am writing this right now is because I heard an old song that always reminds me of DP and I started to think of this forum. I was hanging out on this forum for around 2 years while I was DP'd, I didn't write very much but I think most people come here to read anyway. The point of this thread is simply to tell my story and hopefully give some tips on the subject. I know that when I was in this state of mind I would have loved to hear more from people that has recovered.

*How I got it:*
I'm a 23 year old male from Sweden. The story starts when I was 14 years old. I had started Junior High and had become more interested in all of the standard teenage things, like girls and alcohol. I have read a lot about people getting DP from cannabis, but for me it actually started with Alcohol. It was my first time drinking alcohol with some of my new good friends from school. It was a Saturday and I drank about 35cl of vodka that night, I did not get wasted or anything, pretty standard drunk. I had a really fun time that night and there was no kind of stress or anxiety elements involved, like being worried about my parents finding out. Which I think is quite odd because you would assume that DP is triggered under great stress/anxiety, but for me it simply started because I got drunk.

The next day I woke up and of course I had no idea of what to expect in terms of a hangover. I simply accepted the sense of feeling weird because I thought it was a standard hangover. Now the worrying part started the second day after I drank. My hangover was not over yet, and it was not over by the third or fourth day either. At the time I did not know what to think or to make of it. I also couldn't go to anyone for help as I had never relied on my parents for anything. My personality is that way, I don't want help with anything, I don't want to look weak and I thought I could handle anything myself.

*As time flies:*
Since I didn't seek help from anywhere, as time passed by I simply started to accept this. I had no freaking idea of what had happened to my psyche, I did not have a word for it. I don't remember exactly but as time passed I guess the intensity of it went up and down, some weeks I didn't think about it but most times I was very aware of it every day. I remember after about two years of this I started a forum thread where I posted my symptoms and asked anyone if they had experienced the same thing or if they knew what it was. I was totally out of luck, the only answers I got where other conditions that didn't fit my description and some people also called me an idiot for waiting so long to try and get help. The funny thing though is that after about 2 years later, another user on the same forum posted a similar thread, in which he replied himself later as he had found out the name of the condition, Depersonalization. I googled the term and, Jackpot, all of the symptoms fit what I was experiencing. I was now around eighteen years old.

To make this story shorter I'm gonna cut a little. Once I found this forum I started reading, I read a lot about how to get cured, I almost only visited the "On the road to recovery" section because all I cared about was getting recovered, the other stuff I didn't give two shits about. Anyways, I tried many different things, like eating B12 supplements, using liquid B12 supplement, taking all kinds of different vitamins etc. I tried to change my way of thinking and work on some of my personality traits. I also bought a book which I can't remember the name of right now but, the point is that nothing of this made me recover. I can't say for sure that it didn't help at all, but what I have learned is that there certainly is no easy quickfix or shortcut to getting recovered.

*My recovery:*
So, I would say that I got recovered around two years ago, when I was 21. I can't set an exact date or anything, because you don't just snap out of it. But I did start to feel better, much better. The DP was gradually getting weaker all the time and some days I just didn't think about it any longer. Some days I could still tell that it was present but in a much less intruding way. It's like, it's still there to some extend, but it doesn't worry my anymore and it doesn't distract my life in any way. Right now as I'm writing this, I am 100% cured of DP and I have been for almost the last two years.

I believe the key to getting rid of DP in the end comes down to accepting it.
1. Don't view it as a problem.
2. Just go on with your life. You might believe that you can't have a normal life with DP, well, just live a DP'd life then. It doesn't fucking matter, just live life in whatever way seems most fitting to you. Do things you are interested in and follow your dreams, even if you have a companion named DP with you.
3. Be happy. Don't take life so seriously, you can still have fun even if you are feeling a bit strange all the time.

*One extremely important thing I want to add, and this truly is the most important fact you will ever hear about DP (other people have written this as well):*
You can not cure DP by trying to cure DP. DP is not a stand alone condition, it is something that arises because of and companions your other problems. You might not have realized it before, or even thought about it but if you have DP, I am 100% certain that you are having some kind of "odd" personality trait. In my case I think that one of my outstanding personality traits is that I have always been afraid of loosing. I did not realize this until about a year ago when I read about it on the internet. I had never thought about it that way before but it all made sense after I took a deeper inward journey of myself. I have always had this idea in my head that if I can't be the best at something then there is no point in doing it at all. The result of this is that I have given up on so much stuff in my life simply because it was hard. For example if studying in school is hard, you can't just fucking give up, you need to work harder to reach that goal.

There is much more I could say but I'm realizing this post is getting ridiculoussly long as it is so I will just stop writing and let you guys ask questions if you want to, I would love to answer them.


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## MIndfAEL (Mar 13, 2012)

good advice man thanks for coming back and sharing


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

''You can't cure DP by trying to cure DP.''

I like this.


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## Harpo (Oct 15, 2009)

Huggy Bear said:


> Did you only have DP or also DR?


I had both very heavy DP and DR. I think the part I suffered most from was DP, DR I could handle much better.

When I am writing "DP" I am referring two the whole spectrum of DP/DR.


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## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

I Agree with you so much at the part you say:

You cannot cure DP trying to cure it.

I Believe it appears as a reflex of other things.Mostly of Anxiety and Stress.The problem is to know what makes you anxious,stressful,fearfull and all that stuff.

That's why selfknowledge is important.And it's hard as hell.I had NEVER stopped to ask myself:"Who are you,Victor?" until the DP and Panic appeared.I'm not meaning this in the DP way,like asking if i'm real or not,but asking what is ME.What do I really like,what do I really fear,what do I really want to do.

And I've discovered so many things,I'm also like you,I Fear losing,that's why I don't try many things in my life.

I had so many opportunities in my life,and I just throwed them away,because I believed I wasn't capable of.

I have so much low confidence in myself.I need to fix it.I need to give valour to me.I need to know who I am!

And uhh..do you drink these days?

I Got DP'd and Panicked by marijuana,but I used to drink sometimes,and I always had fun

But now if I drink it's an imminent panick attack.


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## Harpo (Oct 15, 2009)

Victor Ouriques said:


> I Agree with you so much at the part you say:
> 
> You cannot cure DP trying to cure it.
> 
> ...


Yep, I've had low self esteem too, I guess I still do to some point too. Yes I drink alcohol and I smoke tobacco.

I think it's kinda funny, I saw a topic with some guy, he had recovered from DP but he asked if he will get DP back if he smokes marijuana. If he is worried enough about getting DP back from smoking then he simply isn't cured yet. Maybe his DP is gone for now but if he hasn't worked on his anxiety underneath that than certainly his DP will come back, there's a high chance. When you are truly cured from anxiety (and dp) you don't worry about it, because it's not a problem anymore.


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## ankit (Sep 2, 2011)

Great post. yes "'it is something that arises because of and companions your other problems". in my case it is social anxiety.


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## Thidwick (May 30, 2012)

Good post my brother, it's great to hear from someone who had it for so long but recovered.

I will take slight issue with the statement that you can't cure DP by trying to cure it. I think I understand what you're saying, and I agree -- if you obsess over it and are always trying to feel normal and force it to go away, it won't. But you can take steps to cure it. It's mainly about creating a good process. If you have the right mindset and process, you can cure it.


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## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

Just wanted to up this topic.It's very good.


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

Great post, thanks for returning to the community in order to share.


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## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

I know I upped a very old post but I think that it was needed to.

Take a look to the last paragraph..

And also,when he says "try not to cure it" it's the same thing that nothingworks and panicend says.


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## dana1 (Nov 16, 2013)

Your suggestions unfortunately have not worked for me. I've tried what you did for many years and it only made matters worse. I've had this crazy condition for 20 years and nothing has worked.i'm at my wits end. maybe there is more than one type of dpd. I've read quite a few books on this subject and people who are really debilitated by this like me probably have an organic brain malfunction. what is needed is funding for research treatments i am going to try to look into. after all. there are over 7 miilion people affected by this disease just in the u.s


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## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27029-my-recovery-from-20-years-of-dpd/

Taking away responsability and blaming brain chemistry it's easy.


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## Keepinitkash (Dec 13, 2013)

Hello... I'm new to this blog and was reading your recovery and was hoping you might have some insight. I've never really blogged before but have been suffering from depersonalization on and off for the past 5 years. It all started when I smoked weed at 15. Tunnel vision, feeling like I'm in a dream, feeling like I'm dead and nothing around me is a real. Really intense but it would only happen when I would smoke week. (I smoked a lot in high school because all my friends did so I dealt with it)

But anyway.... I started experiencing the dreadful "I'm dead and nothing is real" at a sober state in my senior year of high school. I'm in my third year of college right now and probably suffering from it the most I've ever had. I was completely cured from it (or so I thought) last winter. I was on top of the world.. smoking weed didn't even bring it on. I used a lot of psychedelics over the summer, not sure if that is a factor, but I was golden. I started the fall semester and one day it just hit me. I was back.. nothing was right. Unreality took over. Ever since that fall September day I haven't been the same. I feel like I'm living a dream and physically everything just looks so fucked up and artificial. I'm at the point where it doesn't give me anxiety anymore I'm just living with it but It is driving me fucking insane! I don't know what to do anymore... I haven't been myself for the past four months. I am trying so hard to just "get with it" but I don't know what to do. My head is so cloudy and things are out of place.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Keepinitkash said:


> Hello... I'm new to this blog and was reading your recovery and was hoping you might have some insight. I've never really blogged before but have been suffering from depersonalization on and off for the past 5 years. It all started when I smoked weed at 15. Tunnel vision, feeling like I'm in a dream, feeling like I'm dead and nothing around me is a real. Really intense but it would only happen when I would smoke week. (I smoked a lot in high school because all my friends did so I dealt with it)
> But anyway.... I started experiencing the dreadful "I'm dead and nothing is real" at a sober state in my senior year of high school. I'm in my third year of college right now and probably suffering from it the most I've ever had. I was completely cured from it (or so I thought) last winter. I was on top of the world.. smoking weed didn't even bring it on. I used a lot of psychedelics over the summer, not sure if that is a factor, but I was golden. I started the fall semester and one day it just hit me. I was back.. nothing was right. Unreality took over. Ever since that fall September day I haven't been the same. I feel like I'm living a dream and physically everything just looks so fucked up and artificial. I'm at the point where it doesn't give me anxiety anymore I'm just living with it but It is driving me fucking insane! I don't know what to do anymore... I haven't been myself for the past four months. I am trying so hard to just "get with it" but I don't know what to do. My head is so cloudy and things are out of place.


I feel exactly the same and I rlly feel for u!!! I feel dead aswel and like everything around me is a fuking dream and feels the same no matter what I'm doing...no anxiety nothing I don't feel human. I can't find even the simplest of motivation to even do simple tasks around the house coz I get no fkn pleasure from doing it


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## Keepinitkash (Dec 13, 2013)

That's terrible I'm sorry. Do you have any interests? Music, tv shows? Art?

I can usually find pleasure and experience plenty of emotion but I feel like I'm the only thing in this world that exists and everything else is in my mind. I'm living in a dome it feels like. Nothing is real.


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## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

Cool post, really thanks for coming back and sharing, I was planning in my imagination on coming back and sharing how I got passed dp. But I was also wondering if I would be too afraid to get it back if I come back here; I read what you said and concluded that I wouldn't be if I was totally cured.

My question to you, is how much do you believe what you said about accepting dp and not trying to cure it? I mean what do I do? Do I really accept all the brain damage I have when trying to solve things or argument with logical stuff? Do I give up on the career my normal self wanted because I feel incapable of following up or just lost interest in it, and find something that I currently love and are able to do?

I mean it's all one big question, how much do you advocate accepting dp and not trying to cure it?


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## Guest (Dec 21, 2013)

Just think it's like doing physical therapy after a bad accident. You have to go out, socialize and get your life back to the way it was before DP/DR and don't let any of the symptoms or sensations stop you. Over time you will learn that you can still do everything you could before DP/DR was triggered, and when you engage in your real life you focus less on DP/DR and it fades.

If you break your legs, walking again is going to be hard and painful for the first few months, but as you work through the pain it becomes easier and you begin to heal.

I spent the worst of my DP/DR with friends and in college, and at first it was extremely difficult, but I worked through the worst of it and now I hardly notice DP/DR most of the time.


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