# Fuck



## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

I had DR back in 2012 when I smoked pot. Had a horrible panic attack and then struggled with the sensation for like weeks. Then it went away a week later. Then i induced the feeling again driving home from school because i "zoned out" while driving. From there it took like 4-5 months to get it to go away. I still managed to go to school I just felt horrible panicky all the time. I managed to graduate high school. I got through the experience and went to college. The DP/DR was there all the time but faded to the point where I would go weeks without even thinking about it. I wasn't always happy but I was motivated again and doing fine in life. However my sophomore year problems appeared again. I was bodybuilding in college and would often eat a lot of food before bed to bulk. One night I ate a [email protected] sandwich and had horrible stomach cramps falling asleep. From there I became panicked that I had IBS and suddenly all my appetite and energy was gone for like a month. I was bed ridden and didn't eat. I lost a ton of weight. I figured I had beaten DP/DR in my mind 2 years ago but was now confined to a bed since my body had failed me. Slowly over time I managed to come back to myself. I graduated college and have been living at home for two years. I got my grades up with postbacc work, I was working and making some money online with a business. I had two really good friends with me home as well. I was stressed out but feeling really good most of the time. Excited about my future. I had "beaten" both DP/DR and some wierd health anxiety induced episode. Looking back they both sound stupid to me. Unfortunately, I took a train to Florida for a PA school interview and felt really anxious in the hotel room by myself the night before the interview. Slowly over the following few days since being home I have entered a horrible DP/DR state that is twice as worse as the first time. The first time I learned that it was caused by anxiety and i stopped resisting it. However, since my initial anxiety in the hotel room which triggered the onset of the disorder again I feel completely dead. in the span of like 2 days i lost all appetite, i lost my will to make music, i suddenly did not care at all about going to grad school. I am completely and utterly numb which is even worse than my first DP/DR episode. I have zero hope this time around. I hate how this always happens when I need to be at my best. But this is truly horrible. I have no reaction to anything. My libido is gone, I can't feel warm at all even under like 4 blankets. I have a completely blank mind and i can only sleep a few hours at a time and only enter stage 1 sleep. This condition is torture. I learned from my first episode to take care of myself and I did. After my anxious event in college i took care of my body. Since being home I was the happiest and healthiest I have ever been. The one event of going down to FL for an interview has ruined my life and also my families lives because they care about me so much. I was fucking normal for 2 years. I havent even been on this board since 2012. How can I get out of it again? please help me. I dont even have the existential fears or thoughts at all anymore, I dont even give a fuck enough about that to worry. In the span of a few days I have lost everything that I built.


----------



## hanginginhere_ramen (Aug 24, 2018)

In pretty much every case i've seen, the person usually comes out of it the second time around if theyve managed to do so the first time. ofc the time being usually varies, its a bit comforting to know that you will come out sooner or later


----------



## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

thanks bro. i hope so.


----------

