# romantic relationships and dpd



## friendofdpd (Aug 19, 2009)

Hi! I have met an amazing man who has dpd and am wondering if there is a support group for people in romantic and/or platonic relationships with people with dpd. We have an amazing connection yet I feel his derealization, dissociation, detachment prevents development of intimacy and trust. Is it possible to develop a relationship with him?


----------



## DownTheRabbitHole (May 30, 2009)

id say yes, if there is the connection, and you can honestly make him feel like you love him, there shouldnt be a problem, problems start to arrive if he is to doubt you for any reason, then his brain will probably make him think all these suspicious paranoid thoughts up and create a wall between you and his emotions.
he may find it hard to express himself the way he feels inside to you, but if there is the connection as you say, then believe me the thoughts are defo all there, its just hard trying to get them out correctly with feeling, he may just say things and it may sound like he doesnt mean it, but he probably will.

this is how i think i would feel in that sort of situation and is in no way tested or anything.

but im all for romance, so give it a shot, its not like we are fucked beyond all belief, _we just have a different way of looking at the world and how we percieve it and express ourselves to others with different views_


----------



## dppartner (May 27, 2009)

I'm in an 8 year relationship with a DP guy. There are definitely challenges and I think there are some aspects of our relationship that may appear unconventional to those who don't know us, but it works.


----------



## jessica3077 (Aug 27, 2009)

Hi,

I have been head over heals in love with a guy who also suffers from DP for over a year now. Lately he seems to be suffering from it more and more and detaches for variable lengths of time. I never know what to do when he does this. I want to be helpful in some way but don't know how to go about it. For instance do I leave him alone til he gets through it or hold his hand through it? I worry too that I may somehow be causing the episodes. I am just now coming to understand what DP is all about as it seems to be happening more and more. Can anybody give me advise on how to deal with it so that I don't make it any worse for him?

Jessica


----------



## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Wow, it's really good to hear there are women out there who are head over heals in love with dp'd people.  This gives me hope! To be honest this is probably just going to be a tricky and difficult thing to deal with. Everyone who experiences dp is different so it will take some trial and error. I like having people to be close with during hard times but at the same time it can make things worse because for whatever reason I can't make/feel a connection to them when most of the time I will be trying my hardest with everything in me to make/feel a connection and find nothing but blank numbness. This is extremely aggravating and can drive a person mad. It's generally easier for me to be around strangers than people I'm close with because I notice the detachment that comes with dp a lot more when I'm trying to connect with someone I love vs. someone I barely know. If your partner doesn't want to be around you odds are it's nothing you are doing wrong, but rather they are trying super hard to make/feel a connection with you and for whatever the reason is simply can't. This definitely doesn't mean they don't want to be close to you though. This is about all I got right now, hope it helps a little and good luck with your relationships.


----------



## jessica3077 (Aug 27, 2009)

Thanks for the feedback. I'm pretty sure I have experienced something similar to DP too but for much shorter periods during my younger drug induced days. Definitely not something I would like to experience for an extended period of time. Basically what I have gotten from reading this site is the no pressure aspect. I admit I have been guilty of applying pressure because he is in general an extremely affectionate and caring person but when and episode sets it it's like that person doesn't exist anymore and it is really scary for me because losing him is the last thing on this planet that I want. If anyone else has some advice to share I would love hear it.

Love this site by the way, so happy I have found it.

Thanks,
Jessica


----------



## Jessesaur (Jul 25, 2009)

I am DP'd and I have been in a romantic relationship with my wife for 8 years, so it can definitely work out. The man thing that I wanted to say is that when it seems like he is not emotionally there, that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.

What makes it really painful for me is that I really really love my wife. It makes me extremely frustrated and sad that I can not be fully open and fully experience her. I might not care about the DP so much if I didn't have someone I loved so much. So just keep that in mind. The more frustrated he is with his DP, probably the more he loves you.


----------



## jessica3077 (Aug 27, 2009)

Wow thanks for that, I really hope so. How does your wife deal with it?


----------



## Jessesaur (Jul 25, 2009)

Honestly, I have kept my mental torment to myself for most of my life. I have learned to hide it pretty well. I have told my wife(then girlfriend) about this a few times in the past, but it seemed to really upset her, so I decided it was best to not really bring it up. Only recently has it really started to become unbearable and I just could not pretend anymore. I believe that this is because we recently got married and we are having a baby this November. I really realized that I needed to become well FAST. Not being able to experience life used to just be wrong for myself... but it is just not fair for me to have this shit and not be there for my wife and kid. Also, I think that the longer we are together, the more she cares about me and the more she wants to help me. She is now totally open to hearing about my problems and that helps a lot. In the end thats all you really can do, just be supportive. He has to be the one to fix his problems. Does he want to change? Does he know about and/or use these forums? It really helped me. I didn't even know what was wrong with me before I found this place. Now I feel like I am building up a lot of momentum, I started going to therapy and I am starting deep tissue massage tomorrow. I really feel like I a finally coming out of this after 25 years, and honestly, I think that I will be a better person for it in the end. Anyway, I guess all I am trying to say is that if you love someone, especially when they are an "amazing man" that you feel really connected with, then please! don't let the DP get in the way. My wife and I have definitely developed intimacy and trust and have really great relationship. ALL RELATIONSHIPS HAVE PROBLEMS! AND IF DP IS THE WORST OF THE TROUBLES, THEN DAMNIT, GO FOR IT! :mrgreen:


----------

