# I don't want to live like this



## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

I don't have a mind!!! No thoughts, no memories, no inner monologue, not remembering my past, not knowing what I am doing at all times . Anybody?


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## apoplexy (Jan 4, 2013)

Mezona, you need a therapist if you don't already have one. You are highly distressed. I think you may have OCD based on your obsessive fixation with having a blank mind, etc. I know it's hard, I wish I could snap my fingers and fix us both. Consider getting a psychological evaluation to ensure proper diagnoses if you haven't already.

I'd type more but my somatic pain is burning me too much. I'm wishing you the best -- try to keep your head up.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

I think maybe i asked you this already, but did you try medication? You should keep trying until you find something that works.

I know it sounds impossible right now, but you can come out of this. I've had this my whole goddamn life and i'm actually getting closer to recovery now (not temporarily lucky moments, but an actually slow and steady progress!).

I made this happen mostly because of meds, they really have given me the boost i needed to start rising up. Second, you gotta start practice feeling and living. I have so many silly tricks up my sleeve in order to do this. I'll list some of them so you get the gist of it!

1. Nicotine gum (chewing gum with taste + nicotine kick give me a small energy boost and a little bit presence)

2. Very warm and long showers (You feel something right then and there because of the heat, and it makes your skin and body relax, which lowers anxiety. It makes it easier to fall asleep too. Also have music on while showering)

3. Alcohol (Gotta be very careful with this, but yeah drinking small/moderate amounts makes you relax and lowers symptoms)

4. Music (Listen to awesome music and loud volume when alone. Singing along passionately helps too.

5. Long jogs (Jogging far away from my house actually triggers DP, but jogging long in time helps ALOT. Do this with music and your mind can rest on awesome music while your body is doing physical work. The best part is that for the rest of the day you will feel your body has been working and you will fall asleep more easily)

6. Variety! Don't sit alone 6hours straight in front of computer doing basically nothing (or even productive things). You need to focus on different things everyday to break the obsessive mind pattern. When i say focus i mean as simple as enjoy a banana and looking at the sunset or whatever!..

This is just at the top of my head. Start doing all these things every day. You need to practice a non-obsessive state of mind.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

I think it's impossible not to obsess over this to some degree though. You never really get used to it. I wake up feeling like utter shit every single day. Did your doctor give you anything to relax you at all yet Mezona? It's one thing to obsess, but nobody has to live with constant bad anxiety.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Chicane said:


> I think it's impossible not to obsess over this to some degree though. You never really get used to it. I wake up feeling like utter shit every single day. Did your doctor give you anything to relax you at all yet Mezona? It's one thing to obsess, but nobody has to live with constant bad anxiety.


That's true. No matter how long you had DP (months, years, DECADES) you still don't get used to it


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Mezona, I have the exact same problem. Has anybody had success with any particular medication for this SET of symptoms. I would do ANYTHING in the world to get this sorted out. anything.


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## 123456 (Dec 15, 2016)

Hi, I came across one of your posts through Google...

You mentioned you had withdrawn from Seroxat some time before this started. I don't know if you are aware of protracted withdrawal from antidepressants, but some people experiencing that report blank mindedness and sometimes a delayed onset of symptoms. It may not be relevant to your case, but just in case there is a forum at http://www.survivingantidepressants.org


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

There has to be something out there for this :sad: I really can't live in this state.

Is anybody on the SSRI and Lamotrigine combination? Has anyone tried an opiate antagonist like Naltrexone? It feels like somebody has put a hoover in my brain and sucked out my mind. It is eerily silent 24/7


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Mezona you really need to consider medication and keep trying until you find the right one/s...You have been suffering for a long time now...I really agree with Ponderer as regards trying some meds...

I mean what have you got to lose?

Please consider it for your own sake...


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

eddy1886 said:


> Mezona you really need to consider medication and keep trying until you find the right one/s...You have been suffering for a long time now...I really agree with Ponderer as regards trying some meds...
> 
> I mean what have you got to lose?
> 
> Please consider it for your own sake...


It's funny, i used to be really negative, i didn't even want to try meds/therapy. I had no belief it would work, and even if it did, there wouldn't be any point at the end of the day anyway. Life was so meaningless. I ended up at the psychiatrist office at what was really a LAST resort. Broke, in debt, failing school, all alone....

I'm actually quite the positive guy now, but even better, i feel so light. Moving through the days are getting closer to a dance, rather than pulling the weight of a dying star...

I really hope you read this and gain some inspiration Mezona


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Ponderer, what meds and therapy did you try? I would be really interested to know. I'm struggling.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> Ponderer, what meds and therapy did you try? I would be really interested to know. I'm struggling.


The usual seroquel and ssri. The therapy is just me talking with my psychatrist about what's going on, and sort of trying to figure out causes.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I am taking Lamotrigine and Sertraline (an SSRI) at the moment without any luck. But do you know at what kind of doses, things were effective? Also, can you get naltrexone prescribed to you in your country? I am in the UK and its fucking impossible.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

I'm in the same boat...eerie silence 24/7, as Hedgehog fuzz mentioned. Like the ego/mind is no longer there - just a state of consciousness.

Keep us updated on the meds and if anyone's found any relief (particularly from this "blank, silent, non-existent" mind).

I'm currently on Remeron 15 mg.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

Make sure you're doing everything you can to improve your condition: resting, exercising, socializing, and seeing any qualified doctors you need to see...


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

i'm like this too. for some reason i can't remember the first half of my life from four to like 18. it's just a blank.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

For all inquiring, Menzona is taking meds including Lamictal. So you can't assume someone isn't just bc they aren't working!

I have been taking Prozac and Lamictal for a while now with zero relief.

If someone is having results with any meds or combos, why would you not share it with rest of us to try? If you are talking about taking meds then maybe also include what you are taking


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> For all inquiring, Menzona is taking meds including Lamictal. So you can't assume someone isn't just bc they aren't working!
> 
> I have been taking Prozac and Lamictal for a while now with zero relief.
> 
> If someone is having results with any meds or combos, why would you not share it with rest of us to try? If you are talking about taking meds then maybe also include what you are taking


Well I'm taking Lamictal, and I feel like it helps. It might only be a placebo, but that works too, eh? When I feel really whacky, particularly emotionally, I take the lithium. People have been very supportive and helpful to me (when they're not #triggering me), and the struggle to stay active and find enjoyable activities is important. I won't stop trying. I might have to change what I'm doing, but I'll never stop trying.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I'm just on sertraline (200mg) atm. I was taking Lamotrigine for about 6 days but I stopped. I want to talk to my doctor again before I start it because I am getting a new doctor and the old one didn't really talk to me about the DP.

I haven't had a proper assessment by the Drs yet.

Also, some of the supplements and drugs I was taking could potentially have messed up my glutamatergic system and I wan't to give it a rest before adding in lamotrigine.

Some advice about meds: if you can, buy the brand name and avoid generics. I have heard this form others. I take "Lustral" which is sertraline but the brand name.

I don't understand how my mind can just go so silent. Does anybody know why this is and how to "cure" it? I will send you money and women.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

I have long suspected Geneic meds are not as good...I mean they are cheaper for a reason...I could be completely wrong though...


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