# 95 Percent -- (What is Recovery?)



## soulsearcher86 (Feb 8, 2017)

Hi everyone!

I'm writing this post after experiencing chronic feelings of depersonalization/derealization for almost an entire year. I first came to this site in April of 2016, after several days of confusion and desperation. For me, DP/DR is/was a sensation that has/had no definite beginning or ending. I can trace it back several months before I discovered what the feeling was, but in all likelihood the roots of my dissociation extend much deeper than that. For a few months I would occasionally experience a strange, unreal sort of feeling which I would usually quickly ignore. However, after smoking large amounts of marijuana daily for an extended period of time, the feelings of detachment and unreality became stronger and more pervasive. The most apparent form in which DP/DR originally presented itself to me was through "existential thoughts," which would bother me day and night. Accompanied by these anxious feelings of unreality were feelings that my reflection was unfamiliar, and I even became confused with the concept of three-dimensional space.

Luckily, these feelings were transient, and although I experienced a number of uncomfortable, anxious months learning to understand and accept my feelings, I believe I've become stronger as a person after having gone through them. It's incredibly difficult to condense my feelings about DP/DR into only a few short paragraphs, but perhaps the most important lesson I learned was that there is no complicated, multi-step route one must take to come to grips with their feelings of dissociation and anxiety. As many will tell you, diet and exercise will take you a long way. Natural supplements and medications can also be of benefit, but it's important to note that these are not for everyone, and everyone's experience will differ. Personally, through use of an antidepressant and benzodiazepine, I've reached the point at which I no longer consider my DP/DR to a be a roadblock or something hindering me in my day-to-day life.

Like I said, everyone's experiences with dissociation will differ. Thus, it's impossible for me to say that I have a solution that will work for everyone, or that everyone can benefit from my advice. However, I believe that at the center of "recovery" from dissociation and anxiety is acceptance. By acceptance, I don't mean that you simply give in to the fact that you have DP/DR and stop trying to solve the problem. I mean that you accept the feelings as they are, and no longer let them prevent you from doing the things that you want to do. Some days I feel anxious (very anxious) and some days I experience derealization. But I don't let these feelings control me or my attitude, or at least I've come a long way in preventing them from doing so.

This is why I consider myself to be at 95 percent recovery, but it's also why I call into question the idea of measuring such a subjective and variable experience in terms of a single number. Compared to the first few weeks, or even a few months after that, I am at place which I probably would have interpreted as 100% in my early days of DP/DR. But I don't believe that recovery is a process which ends. Just as DP/DR had no definite beginning for me, I seriously doubt I will ever simply wake up and "snap out" of dissociation and anxiety. I accept that as the truth, and I no longer focus on curing myself from DP/DR, and simply focus on improving my life in normal ways. This is recovery from dissociation, not ridding yourself of the feeling, but learning to cope with and accept it. It may not sound comforting, but I believe at the end of this road is a normal life for all of us. For example, some mornings I will wake up, and after 30-45 minutes or so laying in bed, I'll realize that I hadn't thought of DP/DR once in that whole timeframe. I didn't even know it existed. When I began recovering, dissociation would be the first thing that I would think of every single day. I would check myself and my surroundings, and obsess over the feeling 24/7. Now, since I know how pointless and counterproductive that thought process is, I no longer let the feelings bother me.


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## Flavius (Jun 11, 2016)

Bottom story is to be distracted from DP and recovery will slowly come. I heard it hundred time on this website. But that's more easy said than done.

When I have a headache the hardest thing is to forget about pain in head, just waiting to be better and pain to become less and less. Same with DP. But DP isn't headache you can overcome by simply put yourself to sleep and wake up normal.

Everytime I wake up, routine is same. Checking my condition. Going to balcony and check cars or trees. It's like a see it through filter and don't feel like I'm really wake up, don't feel me anymore.

Sometimes, I distract myself through some work, but that's just help temporarily. Still I have to say that I'm making my progress. I'm not recovered but I'm on the road. nd this road is very slow and long.


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## Psychostein (Nov 3, 2016)

Recovery is amazing, I'll give you an example of how recovery is.

When the love of your life cheats/breaks up with you, you fall into despair you can't forget about how he/she wronged you, you can't stop thinking about the amount of love you had for that person, you constantly remince about the good times you've had with that person it feels like you will never love again, you starting viewing men/women as heartbreakers you have sleepless nights you cry, cry and cry it seems Impossible to actually forget about her/him. 
Every time your phone rings, you think it's him or her, your obsession about this person has maxed out.

But as time goes on you slowly start forgetting about it, your feelings start fading for this person, you start noticing other men/women noticing you, and before you realise you wake up one day and you realise that you have not thought about this person in such a long time.. you have no feelings for this person what so ever, but you remember that you loved this person like hell but you can't remember how it felt, and you're no longer attached to them because you have recovered from your heartbreak.

That's how recovery is. It's all in your "head"

Congrats on 95% recovery by the way, things will hit baseline eventually it's all about persistence and patience if you have those two I don't see why you wouldn't recover.

I wish you the best, 
Psychostein.


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## soulsearcher86 (Feb 8, 2017)

Thanks for the feedback guys. I can answer any question relating to recovery if anyone has some.


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