# Unable to function (DP'd 9/3/15 - present)



## AndyG7006 (Jan 6, 2016)

If you realize that prior to depersonalization you had a faulty belief system, and your whole life you've pretty much been ignorant as f&#k, do you ever go back to your "original" self, or does your sense of self ever return? In my case, I was super "vibey" if you would, I believed in vibes and spiritual s&#t like that, I based my decisions heavily off of how I felt instead of using logic and reasoning with myself before action, but not to the extent to which I'd be deemed schizophrenic... Or at least I think so. (I listened to too much Joey bada$$ and started feeling motivated to change the world pretty much)...

I ask because one day I smoked weed, became depersonalized, and gradually lost my job, my social skills, the little confidence I had, and my happiness (which was heavily reliant on my job and financial growth)

I just feel incredibly lost in the world, to the point where I can hardly function. I zone out and freeze up in all social situations because I'm too busy introspectively ruminating about my life and my existence (I contemplate if I even had a sense of self to begin with). I never thought about shit like this prior to this one time smoking though. I was just super focused on the future and motivated to do shit with my life.

Someone please just confirm that I'm only depersonalized and I don't have schizotypal personality disorder, I'm confused and I just want some closure on this because it's really getting to me. I kept reading that most mental illnesses manifest in early adulthood and I just turned 20, I just want to confirm weather or not this will be transient or something I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life.

Also I'm really eager to get back to work so can someone please provide with some insight on how much longer I could be in this state of constant anxiety and fear.

Main symptoms I'm concerned with as of right now:
- Loss of interest in once pleasurable activities 
- Jumbled thoughts 
- SEVERE brain fog
- Freezing up in social situations, even with people that I was once comfortable around ( no physical anxiety symptoms, just a frozen mind) I'll just do really awkward things that I know are awkward but I'll be making an attempt to seem as normal as possible.

- Feeling detached from my mental process
- Impending feeling that something is going to happen
- Mood swings ( 95% depressed mood)
- Hopelessness 
- Fear that I will never go back to who I once was
- Emotional bluntness 
- Constant fear 
- Anhedonia
- Long term memories are a unclear 
- I feel like I can't take responsibility for myself 
- Severe confusion
- Constantly feeling overwhelmed (even by simple activities)
- Inability to focus

Sorry if I sound stupid, I just don't have a lot of mental capacity right now.

Please help!


----------



## Alex617 (Sep 23, 2015)

I can totally relate to that. The feelings of futility I had came from the idea that I can never be the same person I once was, because my entire outlook on life has been permanently altered.

Well the good thing I realised is that it's nothing to fear. We change every moment we breathe and usually we don't worry about it. It's just that with mood disorder we tend to view it with a negative 'all is doomed' attitude.

I won't try to sugarcoat you, you mention all the classic symptoms of depression and anxiety. I'm certain that if you want to get back to work and feeling good again you have to start working to treat them now. Try to find a good therapist and start living healthily. It's a long journey out of hell but worth it.


----------



## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

I got DP about the same time as you but from stress not weed. I have all the above things you mention. I used to be very motivated and sociable but now I'm isolated and couldnt care about anything. I lost my job, girlfriend and friends. Its 'just' DP. No idea how long it will last though. Apparently noone seems to know.


----------



## didep (Jul 1, 2011)

thyRUY said:


> I got DP about the same time as you but from stress not weed. I have all the above things you mention. I used to be very motivated and sociable but now I'm isolated and couldnt care about anything. I lost my job, girlfriend and friends. Its 'just' DP. No idea how long it will last though. Apparently noone seems to know.


If you want to comment, I asked how it was affecting his relationship with his girlfriend?


----------



## vanuti vetru (Sep 7, 2015)

You're not going psychotic. It's just anxiety/DP/depression combo.

Actually, from your description, it's pretty clear to me. Before acquiring the disorder you had lived your life in a somewhat dissociated state of mind, sort of oscilating between two extremes. On one hand it was the job which made you focus on down-to-earth tasks and which took control of your motivation for life. On the other hand were your ideations about spirituality which you based your general outlooks on. Was there a place at all for getting in touch with real life and with yourself?

When there's no touch with reality, no solid foundation, the whole mindset - no matter how robust, motivated or spiritual it may seem - becomes very fragile with time. It can certainly fall apart with a MJ-induced panic attack, leading to depersonalization. The (classic) symptoms you describe are just a consequence and the severity of your reaction shows how far you've gone with your tunnel vision and abstract ideations. Even if you hadn't smoked that cannabis, the "home" you have built for yourself would probable collapse at some point in life.

Being where you are, everyone would naturally seek to go back to their previous self. In order to reintegrate, however, you may need to introduce changes in how you see the world and live your life. By this i don't mean some mythical total "transformation" that'd make you a different person altogether. It's about small corrections, often hard to pin down, plus opening a little bit more to what the life actually brings. The point is not to return to the previous self but rather to restore the real self (if that makes sense).

That being said, i strongly suggest considering a therapy. Finding a good therapist can be hard but it's worth it.

(BTW, i wonder if cannabis can be more destructive than serious psychedelics in such cases. LSD or mushrooms would give you a harsh ride, wiping out your illusions, but also offer some insight as well. Cannabis just provokes DP, leaving the person disoriented and lost.)


----------



## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

didep said:


> If you want to comment, I asked how it was affecting his relationship with his girlfriend?


She left me, not much more to it. Its hard to maintain a good relationship with DP, especially if the non-DP partner isnt fully supportive and understanding. Its very hard on both sides.


----------



## Guest (Jan 7, 2016)

bro if she leaves you cause your in a dp state, etc, and are having problems, she was never really with you. As for work its tough, you wanna get back but feel like this. Personally, I would not wait for a cure or anything, I would try my best to accept it and try and do what you can. Tough situation, I know but your in some larger company than you realize. I really wish you well and some peace.


----------



## AndyG7006 (Jan 6, 2016)

Just an update in case anyone ever comes across this post (this was my first post ever on this forum) it's been about 5 months since I've posted this and i can safely say that I've gotten about 40% better than where I was at this point. The uncertainty about recovery at this point was really what was driving me insane and causing all of that anxiety that I was experiencing. I'm now about 75% out of DP, but unfortunately somehow my experience has changed to a more DR kind of thing. It's still pretty horrible but I have faith that I will be better someday. If you're experiencing a lot of anxiety I recommend addressing that first, try finding a supplement like magnesium or a good b complex to tackle that before you opt to medication. Also don't freak out and assume that the worst is going to happen because it more than likely won't. I've come a long way from where I was when I posted that and it's been a bumpy road full of ups and downs. But I've managed to go on two vacations (going on three coming up this weekend) and I've managed to get back into my feild of work a little bit. The key is to pace yourself and give yourself time. Do your absolute best to minimize stress and stay positive. We can all overcome this.


----------



## Guest (May 11, 2016)

" (I listened to too much Joey bada$$ and started feeling motivated to change the world pretty much)" LOL


----------



## mvr (Apr 26, 2016)

I can totally relate to this. Went to a psychiatrist today just to sit for 50 minutos hearing 'that must be really distressful', can't tell how frustrated I am right now.

distressful

psychiatrist


----------



## chelsy010 (Oct 29, 2012)

AndyG7006 said:


> If you realize that prior to depersonalization you had a faulty belief system, and your whole life you've pretty much been ignorant as f&#k, do you ever go back to your "original" self, or does your sense of self ever return? In my case, I was super "vibey" if you would, I believed in vibes and spiritual s&#t like that, I based my decisions heavily off of how I felt instead of using logic and reasoning with myself before action, but not to the extent to which I'd be deemed schizophrenic... Or at least I think so. (I listened to too much Joey bada$$ and started feeling motivated to change the world pretty much)...
> 
> I ask because one day I smoked weed, became depersonalized, and gradually lost my job, my social skills, the little confidence I had, and my happiness (which was heavily reliant on my job and financial growth)
> 
> ...





thy said:


> She left me, not much more to it. Its hard to maintain a good relationship with DP, especially if the non-DP partner isnt fully supportive and understanding. Its very hard on both sides.


It sure is.


----------



## CharlieFreak (Nov 19, 2012)

vanuti vetru said:


> You're not going psychotic. It's just anxiety/DP/depression combo.
> 
> Actually, from your description, it's pretty clear to me. Before acquiring the disorder you had lived your life in a somewhat dissociated state of mind, sort of oscilating between two extremes. On one hand it was the job which made you focus on down-to-earth tasks and which took control of your motivation for life. On the other hand were your ideations about spirituality which you based your general outlooks on. Was there a place at all for getting in touch with real life and with yourself?
> 
> ...


^ I agree. You don't have to develop a whole new self. You "home base" probably wasn't super in touch with reality, but a lot of who you are has value. As you get better, you'll know more what you believe in. You can scrap all the shit that didn't work for you and keep what did. I think DP is pretty related to how you interact with the world. For example, before I got DP, I did pretty annoying things. I had this frigging hat that I drew on with sharpie that I thought gave me "character." Shit makes me cringe now haha


----------



## razmith (May 13, 2016)

AndyG7006 said:


> Just an update in case anyone ever comes across this post (this was my first post ever on this forum) it's been about 5 months since I've posted this and i can safely say that I've gotten about 40% better than where I was at this point. The uncertainty about recovery at this point was really what was driving me insane and causing all of that anxiety that I was experiencing. I'm now about 75% out of DP, but unfortunately somehow my experience has changed to a more DR kind of thing. It's still pretty horrible but I have faith that I will be better someday. If you're experiencing a lot of anxiety I recommend addressing that first, try finding a supplement like magnesium or a good b complex to tackle that before you opt to medication. Also don't freak out and assume that the worst is going to happen because it more than likely won't. I've come a long way from where I was when I posted that and it's been a bumpy road full of ups and downs. But I've managed to go on two vacations (going on three coming up this weekend) and I've managed to get back into my feild of work a little bit. The key is to pace yourself and give yourself time. Do your absolute best to minimize stress and stay positive. We can all overcome this.


somehow lost what i was saying to you - its gone into 'cyberspace' somewhere. I was just saying don't forget to give yourself CREDIT. Professionals can help to a degree but ultimately only you know the way back even though it is a rocky road and does take time. BABY STEPS! I've had it for 40 years and it took 3-5 years to reach a level where i did begin to feel a sense of 'self' again but still can't handle crowds/family gatherings generally lasting two hours before excusing myslef but they all understand and its no big deal. trust the people you think you can and let them know as our behaviour at times can be somewhat inappropiate and then feel like a 'white elephant' in the room. And to be honest people really don't think about it as much as you think they do. remember they have have their own lives and naturally have their ups and downs. Unfornately our 'ups and downs' are intensified to the point we just want to run. And there has been times in my early years that i did just that as i needed to and hey! no one freaked out about it. If anyone did - it was me as then i would worry about what people thought. I no longer have that problem but then i am that much older and you certainly change over the decades. So keep going hey! Cheers Razmith


----------

