# Oh for crying out loud! (Matt's withdrawal complaint thread)



## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

So as everyone knows, I felt really great during my two week reinstatement period on Clonazepam. I know I probably should have just stuck on them for a while - some of you must question my determination to get off Benzos when they make me feel better. It's because they are like a ticking time bomb for me - I build up tolerance so quickly and start getting withdrawal symptoms while on the drug. It seems I am one of those unlucky people who are super sensitive to Benzos.

I cut my Clonazepam by 0.125 mg (25%) two days ago - and here we go again. I feel like such a baby complaining how I can't get off freakin 0.5 mg of this drug when people get off 4-6mg with barely any problems! This time its complete confusion - I was back to where I was three months ago where I would watch a television show and barely be able to grasp what was going on. BLAH. In addition I have depression again, and OCD through the roof. Actually I have what I would call ADD-OCD which makes no sense I know - but all i'm getting is the disturbing intrusive thoughts in rapid succession. Like i'll be driving along "What if I run my car into that tree?" "What if I purposely run over that guy crossing the road" "What if I swerve through all those pylons and at the construction site?" and so on and so forth. It's like basically these strong intrusive thoughts to do everything I don't want to do.

I keep telling myself its not me, its the drug withdrawal over and over again. Its just such a giant pain in the ass.


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## HereIsEverywhere (Dec 22, 2008)

Well the OCD/ADD connection actually makes a lot of sense. I had a psych professor that explained it like this. Those are disorders of the "lizard brain" which is in charge of the order of importance of things. OCD is like if something on your mental "to do" list gets stuck (hand washing, compulsive collecting, compulsive thoughts, etc) and ADD is like if you can't keep focused on your to do list.

I'm over simplifying I know but that explanation really helped me see the link because I have a couple friends that are a little of both as well (I think we all can be at times).

As far as the meds... I've never been on meds so I've never had to ween but I have a few friends that have and I know its a bitch. I'm sorry!

As far as the driving thoughts, I get those too sometimes when I'm really anxious. In one of the many self help books I've read (who knows which at this point?) it said to be your own defendant, judge and jury. Those thoughts (any negative thoughts really) are like if a Prosecutor could just go into a courtroom and he was the only one there. My kind of personal switch of that is that I make a 2nd "me" in my head to be a rational person and react as if a crazy friend had said the things I had in my head. Like if my friend was driving and told me they were thinking those thoughts, what would I say to them? But I've had a lot of crazy people around me in my life so I'm good at dealing with them, calming them down, bringing them back from the bring of breakdowns, etc... I go into what my friends dub "mom mode". I even had one friend comment that it was scary how good I was at dealing with an ex of mine who was severely emotionally unbalanced. I brought him back from a really horrible mushroom trip where he thought he was dead. So maybe that method wouldn't be as useful for other people who aren't like that?

Sorry I just rambled.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

That actually really helped. Forgot to come back and tell you - but i read it shortly after you posted it and have given it a lot of thought over the last couple days. The being my own defendent, judge, and jury thing is an interesting concept and serves as a good reminder that thoughts are just thoughts and ultimately I can make the right decisions about which ones to follow and which ones are ridiculous.

Also just wanted to update on my withdrawal process. Just keeping a little journal entry on here as I progress to see how it goes. Week one hasn't been too bad - i'm doing really small cuts, and even with that I notice symptoms popping up which is frustrating. But after one week I am nowhere near the wreck I was when I cold turkeyed. At this point I was having explosive anxiety, aching body, severe headaches, suicidal feelings, etc.

1 week down, 8 to go before i'm Benzo-free.

Question: What are the alternatives to Benzos for eliciting a pretty quick clam. I imagine Benzos are the most effective or they wouldn't be prescribed, but are there any other options? I haven't needed an 'emergency Benzo' in weeks and weeks but once I'm Benzo free i'm just wondering if there are any alternatives. I know once i'm not addicted, it won't be an issue to take an emergency Benzo from time to time if needed - but I just want to explore some safer, non addictive alternatives if there are any other there.


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## HereIsEverywhere (Dec 22, 2008)

I'm not really aware of any. A friend of mine is supposed to be on those too and weened herself off and just smokes pot. Way better and cheaper and non-addictive for her anxiety but not the best option for those of us with DP unfortunately. I saw her take a colanzepam once as a pre-emptive strike to a panic spiral and it was weird. I mean I guess it helped but she was different for sure. Maybe someone else wouldn't have thought so, or at least not noticed it as much but I'm really perceptive to changes like that in people and it weirded me out.

As others have suggested, deep breathing, exercise, etc. Or maybe making some hot tea? Or a hot bath?

But what do I know. At my highest points of panic I usually cry in the fetal position on tile, in the tub with the shower running, or in the worst occasions, underneath a mattress... Sometimes I run a bath and lay under the water listening to the silence for a while. I think the last 2 (the mattress and the baths) are my attempt at sensory deprivation... which I'm curious to try for real in an actual float tank. I think that would be interesting... anyone ever done it?

Oy. I should take my own advice about that exercise and tea... ha.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

HereIsEverywhere said:


> I'm not really aware of any. A friend of mine is supposed to be on those too and weened herself off and just smokes pot. Way better and cheaper and non-addictive for her anxiety but not the best option for those of us with DP unfortunately. I saw her take a colanzepam once as a pre-emptive strike to a panic spiral and it was weird. I mean I guess it helped but she was different for sure. Maybe someone else wouldn't have thought so, or at least not noticed it as much but I'm really perceptive to changes like that in people and it weirded me out.


My girlfriend took one of my Clonazepam pills once during a complete meltdown she was having over a variety of life issues. She got all weird too, like she was high or something. I don't get like that at all. At first when I was taking it, it made me drowsy as anything and then pretty much nothing but a mellow calm. No alternation of consciousness or anything though - I didn't feel or act stoned. Guess its different for everyone.

Your suggestions are true - I always drink hot teas and take hot baths to calm my anxiety and find them pretty effective - in a different way than Benzos, but still helpful.. I'm feeling much better now so I probably won't have many panic emergencies in the future anyways. I might just get a Benzo with a shorter half life and use it only in the midst of a panic attack when needed. Would obviously need to be careful with addiction again, but I don't ever plan on taking Benzos again on any more than a very irregular basis in the future.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Hey Matt, can we all use this thread to complain about withdrawals?


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Conjurus said:


> Hey Matt, can we all use this thread to complain about withdrawals?


I would be honored if everyone would come in my thread and complain about withdrawals haha :mrgreen: .


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Matt210 said:


> Conjurus said:
> 
> 
> > Hey Matt, can we all use this thread to complain about withdrawals?
> ...


I would like to complain about a result of my withdrawals- chafing.


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## Guest (Apr 29, 2009)

Conjurus said:


> I would like to complain about a result of my withdrawals- chafing.


LOL!


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

LOL Jesse.

Seems like some people are just super sensitive to certain drugs and have a hard time coming off them. For you it seems like Clonazepam, for others different drugs. You have the ability within you to get off if you choose, which it sounds like that is what you are choosing. Just curious you mentioned ADD have you ever tried adderall or any kind of stimulant? Seems like it's tough man, but keep at it if you really wanna do it. If not and it helps you then aye right? Some people need certain drugs and that's that. I never thought I would but I do and it sucks but it is what it is right now.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

I'm doing better now - i've got another week and a bit at that dose and then I drop to 0.25mg. I don't think I need meds. I have no idea if the SSRI is working at all - but I know the Benzo is doing nothing for me right now and i'm fine. I'm only taking it to avoid the withdrawal symptoms really. I don't carry around my Benzos with me ready to take one in an emergency anymore which is a sign i'm doing much better. I just have to get past withdrawal.

I don't think a stimulant would be a good idea for me - I do get the ADD quick shifting thoughts sometimes but I don't think a stimulant + my severe anxiety disorder is a good idea - especially if I plan to come off anxiety medication.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

I would like to complain about being Xanax and Oxazepam free for over a month and now after a trip to the emergency-psych being on Diazepam (Valium in the USA i think) and Lyrika (Pregabalin, I have no idea what this is except for it supposedly being a good drug). And my usual Escitalopram and Klonopin. "Im not on drugs, drugs are on me" lol. walking chemlab.

EDIT: Since all of these are "downers" to some extent, I would like to hear from you guys who are on legal stimulants like Adderal etc. Maybe i need "uppers".


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Sorry if I?m hijacking the thread but O M F G you guys, I cant believe what seems to be happening. I got this med called Lyrika as stated in previous post and IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING!!! After 2 weeks of hell caused by my usual problems and escalated by some family issues, this med feels like it has glued my brain together and my senses are starting to slightly come back to me and the DP is better and i feel hopeful and happy. I dont know what Lyrika is really, but I will investigate if someone else hasnt already, All I know is that it is not a normal antidepressant or benzo.

My happyness could only be stronger if you my fellow sufferers could be helped by this med, I have tears in my eyes.

EDIT: And I didnt even take the Diazepam

/Chris


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Awesome news Chris. Would be interested to hear what kind of med this is, I haven't heard of it - but it might have a different name over here.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

I take back everything I said about Lyrika/Pregabalin, I just woke up from a terrible terrible night. At about 11-12pm I got the worst DP/DR I have ever "experienced" For a bit there I didnt know who I was or where I were, completely on the border of blacking out. So I called the psych-emergencyroom and somehow managed to talk to them, and they sent me a taxi which the hospital payed for, both there and later home, yay Sweden for this I gues...

Anyway turns out Lyrika has Depersonalization and "personality changes" as side-effects so why the doctor would prescribe me these in the first place I cannot comprehend. Probably knew too little about the med as usual. If I were in the states I could probably sue. So now I feel like complete shit, as if I did not before, and now on top of this I have to wait for the Lyrika to get out of my system

So I guess what im trying to say is F uck the world and F uck Lyrika. I could also use a hug.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

(((((((HUG)))))) Damn it Chris, what you wrote on page one of this thread made me go :shock: ...Chris? Really? And I was so  for you. Then I clicked page 2 :x . Wtf is Lyrika. Good for you for going to the emergency room at least. :| In response to your question about legal stimulants, adderall has been both a plus and a minus for me. The regular immediate release tablets get me up and motivated to do things but the crash after about 6 hours sends my depression to hell. There are extended release capsules that I take now which help me get up and function at work, and also last around 10 hours rather than 6. I find the XR much smoother with no bad comedown, however it makes it hard to sleep. Hope shit gets better and was good to hear from you again man. (((((MAN HUG))))


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## HereIsEverywhere (Dec 22, 2008)

Craziness. Do doctors even pay attention when they prescribe or do they just throw a dart at a board?

You have ____ lets give you THE EXACT OPPOSITE of WHAT YOU NEED that is barely more effective than placebo, possibly worse, and comes with a MILLION side effects!

Seriously... this is why I've stayed out of the game all together. I've just seen so many close friends go through it, spend hundreds, put their bodies up to theses careless doctors like guinea pigs for what? To maybe get worse? To maybe stay the same? With a very slime chance of getting better?

I guess for some people it feels better at least to think they are trying. But I prefer to try in other ways.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

I should probably make my own thread. Both for personal documentation/keeping track/journal and so that people maybe can relate and gain some knowledge or are in the same situation.

About Lyrica (Pregabalin) translated by me from this swedish document http://www.emea.europa.eu/humandocs/PDF ... 504sv1.pdf :

*The active substance in Lyrica, pregabalin, is similar to the body?s own signalsubstance GABA but has very different biological effects.*

*It is not exactly known how pregabalin works. It seems like pregabalin affects how calcium-ions penetrates the nervcells. In this way the nervcells in the Central Nerval System become less aggressable and release less signalsubstanses.*

It is approved for nervedamage, epilepsy, and GAD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

So basically its only effect is dampening the central nerve system from what i can gather. I dont want my CNS dampened, thats like the core of the brain.

I mean, I?m already on the antidepressant Cipralex (Escitalopram), Klonopin, and Oxazepam (very nice benzo, taken "when needed").
But after talking to my doctor im now on a low dosage of this probable shit for a week to try it without the Diazepam, which was a new factor the night i went to the ER. So I/We dont know if it was the Lyrica or the Diazepam or the combination that made that shit happen.

And tnx for the replies guys!


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