# What Do I Suffer From? (And Will I Get Better?)



## Mickey (Aug 7, 2010)

Hello community! My name is Mickey, and I was hoping to get some feedback on if what I suffer from is indeed depersonalization, or some other phenomena.

First off, I first experienced depersonalization (or whatever it is I'm experiencing) amidst a bad LSD experience, and it has stuck with me ever since.

I cannot identify myself in the mirror. My name, while I know it, does not FEEL like my name. My parents and family seem foreign to me. While I know who they are, and that they are my family I continue to have thoughts such as "Is my Mom really my Mom?"

I also do not feel completely "there". I notice sometimes I'll come to, for seconds at a time, and feel like myself, but by and large I cannot firmly Identify my own body as "me". When I'm alone, I don't feel quite alone, because I am judging myself so intensely. I feel as though my actions are wrong consistently and that my subconscious self is divorced from my conscious self.

It's hard for me to identify with the past, or to acknowledge on a subjective level that it occured and that I was there and did whatever said event entailed.

I also have intensely combative thoughts, I sometimes think using "we" instead of "I" even though I know I am the sole source of all of my thoughts. My thoughts seem to impulsively argue with one another and it's hard for me to find my footing in a logical internal discourse.

I also, sometimes have completely innapropriate thoughts, thoughts I would not like to share, but that are not conducive to my personality. They seem to be a product of me fearing for my own sanity. The mind reflects back at you how you define it.

I have suffered from this for almost a year now, with symptoms getting worse with time and thought (I could originally recognize myself in the mirror). It does seem to be getting better, and I can now say that I can maybe 60% recognize my own reflection. I realize that all of my thoughts on my name, family and past are bullocks, but, still, I find it hard to truly identify with them.

Do I solely suffer from DP? And if so, what is the prognosis. Just a guesstimate will suffice.

Thank You For Your Help,

Mickey


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## razer777 (Jun 28, 2010)

Definitely sounds like depersonalization and anxiety. LSD is certainly something that can cause this. Thankfully people often get spontaneously better from this or better over time. Things that have helped me recover are exercise, healthy diet, meditation and omega-3 supplements. Hmmmm, but if you've had this for over a year and its not getting better you should probably go see a psychiatrist.


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## Mickey (Aug 7, 2010)

razer777 said:


> Definitely sounds like depersonalization and anxiety. LSD is certainly something that can cause this. Thankfully people often get spontaneously better from this or better over time. Things that have helped me recover are exercise, healthy diet, meditation and omega-3 supplements. Hmmmm, but if you've had this for over a year and its not getting better you should probably go see a psychiatrist.


I have seen a psychiatrist, two in fact, and they both diagnosed me as psychotic. I don't agree with the diagnosis, and feel as though psychiatrists are not well versed on depersonalization.

I have been getting better recently, but I still have a ways to go. Thanks for your reply.


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## Xerei (Feb 17, 2010)

Mickey said:


> Hello community! My name is Mickey, and I was hoping to get some feedback on if what I suffer from is indeed depersonalization, or some other phenomena.
> 
> First off, I first experienced depersonalization (or whatever it is I'm experiencing) amidst a bad LSD experience, and it has stuck with me ever since.
> 
> ...


You trying to be funny? FUCK YEAH! You'll get better, extremely better, extremely fast, don't even doubt it! Believe it!
And don't fight the DP btw..just let it be....you're gonna be fine after all. Live to the extreme even if you got DP (but no drugs).
And remember, you got the control, over DP, your body and your mind, Don't doubt it, believe it.
And just like...well..I'm not gonna force you to believe like I do..but you do have a father in heaven who's more than willing to help you, yep, just ask him and he'll be there.
Peace be with ya, make sure to recover, and God bless.


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## mwf (Jun 11, 2010)

To mickey,

I SO understand the part about not feeling your name and its connection to yourself, and family feeling foreign, Mum not feeling like your Mum, My DP/DR symptons are stronger with lack of sleep also, its bad in the mornings for a couple of hours when I wake up.


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## Daniel C (Jun 24, 2010)

The diagnosis of being 'psychotic' is clearly and utterly wrong. To be psychotic, you need to display the symptoms of psychosis. The dictionary defines psychosis as the following.

"a mental disorder characterized by symptoms, such as delusions or hallucinations, that indicate impaired contact with reality."

or 2

" any severe form of mental disorder, as schizophrenia or paranoia. "

Schizophrenia is defined as the following. I will underline the parts to pay special notice to.

"a severe mental disorder characterized by some, but not necessarily all, of the following features: emotional blunting, intellectual deterioration, social isolation, disorganized speech and behavior, delusions, and hallucinations."

From the information on your post, you display absolutely NO intellectual deterioration, disorganized speech, delusions or hallucinations.

The emotional blunting and social isolation can be caused by MANY different factors, and if occurring, are probably due to Depersonalization.
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For someone to be labeled 'delusional' they MUST display complete and unquestioned false opinions, that they fully believe are true. You are NOT delusional, for you to be in state of delusion you would need to 100% believe that your mom isn't really your mom, she's somebody else whom has; replaced, taken form, or is a stranger that you have never known.( things of that nature ) What you're explaining sounds like an anxiety problem, which here we like to call, depersonalization.









Another example. ( a silly one, but an example of being delusional )

You *fear* you might be living in a community of organized terrorists that are plotting to attack you. But, this is not a delusion, this is a *fear*, and ultimately you know that this thought is not true ( yet intrusive and bothers you ) For this to be a delusion, you would need to 100% undoubtedly *believe* that you are being hunted and watched, with no question as to the truth behind this theory.

Perfect example of what you said " *I also have intensely combative thoughts, I sometimes think using "we" instead of "I" even though I know I am the sole source of all of my thoughts. My thoughts seem to impulsively argue with one another and it's hard for me to find my footing in a logical internal discourse.*"

Even though you ARE having these issues, and they are intrusive and unwanted, you still are aware that you are the sole source. A huge flag that no psychotic delusions are present. But a huge red flag for Depersonalization. 
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Disorganized speech does not refer to jumbling your words, or having a mix up of words whilst speaking. Disorganized speech associated with psychosis means the following.

A: 1. Loose Associations (Tangential speech)
1. Speech moves quickly through multiple topics 
Meaning. You jump from topic to topic at random very rapidly.

Example: You're talking one moment about a funny blue car that you saw today, then, in mid sentence, you're talking about this cool video game you saw displayed on the TV, then, you're talking about something cool you saw on the internet.

This will be very rapid and uncontrolled. Not to be mistaken with switching topics or mentions a few cool things you've seen in one instant.

B: 
2. Schizophasia (word salad)
1. Confused and repetitive speech
2. Use of unrelated words or words without meaning

Meaning. Although you've already stated something, you repeatedly say the same thing over and over again, or something VERY similar to the original comment that still states the same meaning.

Example: I actually used to know a guy who had this symptom. So, it's a perfect example.

He was sitting playing a video game he liked and would repeat the following.

" Man, Daniel, this video games is so cool " " this game is so cool, man " " oh man, this game is really cool " Dan, this game is really cool "

All being said within 1 - 3 seconds of one an other.

I'm a bit uncertain about the use of unrelated words, but it would be pretty obvious.

I happily abolish the notion of you being 'psychotic' That fact that two psychiatrists diagnosed you as being that... makes me a bit uneasy.

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LSD is VERY well known for lighting the match for DP. It sounds to me like you definitely have DP. I can relate with your symptoms of not recognizing yourself in the mirror, along with not being able to recognize your family, or them feeling foreign to you.

*I feel as though my actions are wrong consistently and that my subconscious self is divorced from my conscious self.* Red flag for Depersonalization. I can undoubtedly say that there is not one person on here who hasn't experienced this. You're among who understand this disorder more than any psychiatrist could ever.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Depersonalization.

I can't tell you how long it's going to take to recover. I'm still on that road. You will recover though.

I'm sorry I wrote so much. This post caught me in a writers mood though.







I actually think I'm going to edit parts that directly reference you out of this, and add a bit more and post it and try and get it stickied for new comers here who think they might by crazy, schizo, insane, ect.

( feel free to show your psychiatrist this post and tell them that I personally say to stick this in their pipe and smoke it







)


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## Mickey (Aug 7, 2010)

Thank you everybody for your responses and support. It really does help to know I'm not the only one going through this.

I do have one question though. How is my DP innately connected to my anxiety? How can anxiety make me not recognize myself in the mirror and, indeed, my entire life? It just seems like a stretch to me is all. To me, it seems like two seperate conditions.


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## Daniel C (Jun 24, 2010)

Mickey said:


> Thank you everybody for your responses and support. It really does help to know I'm not the only one going through this.
> 
> I do have one question though. How is my DP innately connected to my anxiety? How can anxiety make me not recognize myself in the mirror and, indeed, my entire life? It just seems like a stretch to me is all. To me, it seems like two seperate conditions.


I'd be happy to answer that for you.

DP and anxiety are like brothers.

If you suffer from an anxiety disorder, while suffering from DP; your anxiety will 'fuel the fire' for your depersonalization.

When you're having high levels of anxiety, you will often notice that that the more anxious you are, the more your DP will flare up and present itself. Think of it in this term.

A bear is sleeping in it's cave. You know it's a stupid idea to head on inside and poke the sleeping bear with a stick; your friend doesn't. So your friend walks in the cave, takes a stick, and smacks the bear in the face with it. Resulting in this really pissed off bear attacking and mauling you to death. This is kind of how anxiety and DP work.

Your anxiety is provoking your DP to 'attack you' You may be experiencing a temporary relief from your DP ( sleeping bear ) but your high levels of anxiety ( stupid friend ) decides to provoke your DP, without your input ( smacking the bear in the face ) and your DP will flare and cause you to start having all sorts of absurd and unintelligible, intrusive thoughts. ( pissed off bear attacking )

The more anxiety is present, the worse DP gets.

Hope this helped you with your question.


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## Mickey (Aug 7, 2010)

Ah, so my DP I experience when I'm alone can be contributed to me feeling anxious to be by myself? (Which I do.)

The more anxiety I have about being around my own thoughts, the more DP I have, basically. And visa versa.


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## Daniel C (Jun 24, 2010)

Mickey said:


> Ah, so my DP I experience when I'm alone can be contributed to me feeling anxious to be by myself? (Which I do.)
> 
> The more anxiety I have about being around my own thoughts, the more DP I have, basically. And visa versa.


As the saying goes " You hit the nail on the head "

To actually answer your question though; yes. You are very much correct. Stick around the forums and ask questions. I always answer all of my PMs, feel free to PM me at anytime.

We're a very intelligible community. Ask anybody anything.


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## FoXS (Nov 4, 2009)

Xerei said:


> Live to the extreme even if you got DP (but no drugs).


YEAH Xerei!!!!!!!!!! This is also my way of coping with this shit. THANKS for telling this guy ! You're my man.


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## Mickey (Aug 7, 2010)

How long have you guys been suffering from DP? And how often do you see people on the message board recover? I'm just wondering, because I want to get back to my normal fucking life.


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