# Fascinated by DP



## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

Hi everyone,

I had a DP experience on July 27, 2003. I will never forget that date. The DP I had was part of a manic episode (I am bi-polar). The DP was frightening as I felt like I had little direct control over my "self" and my body, but was strangely intoxicating as well. It was an amazing experience, to be a "soul" as it were, observing myself and the world as if from outside my own body.

It has been on my mind almost daily since it happened, and I have a strong attraction towards experiencing it again. I feel it somehow ties into my religious development (I am currently agnostic), and I think if I repeat it, perhaps even remaining in that DP state, I will have attained some sort of religious "realization" of myself and my relation to God (if He exists).

In that vein, I am considering starting meditation, as a controlled way to attain this state. Does anyone have experience with this, is DP and "enlightenment" connected? Thank you for your opinions.

Joseph


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Can I be the first to say...Are you serious :?: :?: :?:

terri*


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

Yes, I am sincere and serious. In my view, for me anyway, my state of consciousness in DP may be a new form of awareness, an evolution, as it were, of the human mind.
It is a bold experiment, I must admit, and perhaps a dangerous one. That is why I am intending to approach it in a way that is as controlled and scientific as possible. 
I don't have any answers right now, only questions. But I will keep you posted.


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

his mania mixed with dp probably gives him a pretty good high. Terri you have dp without mania so no fun for you.


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

Well, I don't disagree with you. When I first got it, I did consider it an enlightened state, because so much which was prior unknown to me just came out so suddenly and I saw the world with a whole new shade of sunglasses from there on. But I've been pondering into enlightenment recently, and I can tell you, dp in its disorder form is no enlightenment. It is an inch below a roof's ceiling, and on top of that roof is enlightenment. It's right there for the taking if more can be realized, more velocity can be applied to it, more calmness may be attained. DP isn't necessarily like enlightenment at all. Englightenment gives you all knowledge, but all absolute calmness at the same time. I've reached states before in which I felt truly enlightened, but only after suppressing/getting rid of temporarily the horrible effects of DP, such as the constant paranoia about reality being what it is or isn't. But it does help severely to reach enlightenment if you can take good control of DP, good control of reality and not go insane about it. To be honest, I never thought DP was any sort of bad thing until I found out it had a name with "disorder" slapped onto the back. I just thought of it as a new plateau in human thought.


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

What does enlightenment mean to you, the biggest possible high you could get without using drugs ?


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

Enlightenment means being perfectly content with the world and reality and existence, realizing it all in its wholeness comfortably, and simply knowing things without having to think. I've reached states like this before, twice only actually, but I don't doubt I could do it again if I really wanted. But hey, I'm getting lazy about life lately.


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

No, DP for me is not really a "high". It was (and may be again, if I pursue it via meditation) a different state of consciousness, an altered state of awareness of self and of the world. So, if this is a new state of human evolution I feel it is exciting to possibly be a part of it.
During my DP I was able to predict small things happening before they did. Imagine if I sustain a DP-state and am able to cultivate that ability to predict larger things? The whole idea of very interesting to me.
Not to devalue anyone else's problems with DP, I do understand that many view it as a problem and an illness, which it may well be. But I see it as potentially a fantastic discovery, and I will let you know what I discover.


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## kenc127 (Aug 10, 2004)

Hey Joseph,

I will gladly trade you my DP and all the money in my bank account for your lack of DP.

Ken


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

I am truly sorry if DP is not a pleasant experience for you, or anyone here. It is not my intention to diminish the anguish people may experience from DP. I may be opening Pandora's box by pursuing it, I know that. But I hope that by doing it slowly through meditation, and not via a manic episode, I will be able to determine if this is something I want in my life. If this is a possible new state of consciousness it is something I think I would like to be a part of.


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

i dont know how long you have had it the first time but my personal belief is that its not something you will enjoy living with on a daily basis


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

this dud needs to be banned.....revelation??


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## gem (Aug 10, 2004)

truly very sad.

gem.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Joseph...I'm thinking you need to be on an enlightment site. Seriously. I just can't see that this group, well except for maybe Musashi who is also enlightened by this, is really going to be able to help you transcend onto your next level.

Opening Pandora's Box ? Are you kidding me? You have given me major anxiety just thinking about someone wanting to be the way most of us here are, on purpose. :shock: It's just not the same thing. You need some kind of dahli lama, holy man, new age guru, Shirley McLaine type, who is going to enjoy taking you on this little trip you desire.

Joseph, if this is possibly a new state of consciousness ... you're gonna want to high tail your ass out of here as quick as possible because there is nothing beautiful, transcending or etheral about it.

Just my very humble opinion and meant with no disrespect. I am, of course, going on the assumption that you are being respectful to a large group of people that are fighting and clawing their way out of this hell you are so eagerly seeking as it does not cause you any problem.

Utah, I have DR without mania and you're right...no fun for me.

Holy Moly. :shock:

terri*


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

*jstewnyc* *wrote:*

It has been on my mind almost daily since it happened, and I have a strong attraction towards experiencing it again.

Come and _play_ with us, Joseph. Come and _play_ with us. For_ever_...and _ever_...and _ever_ :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:


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## gem (Aug 10, 2004)

trying to post on this but cannot seem to do so. Have wrote the post six times.

gem.


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## kenc127 (Aug 10, 2004)

Why do I suddenly feel like damn lab rat being examined?


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

enigma said:


> *jstewnyc* *wrote:*
> 
> It has been on my mind almost daily since it happened, and I have a strong attraction towards experiencing it again.
> 
> Come and _play_ with us, Joseph. Come and _play_ with us. For_ever_...and _ever_...and _ever_ :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:


hahaha...that's too funny...


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

I don't know Ken...was it something you ate? :lol:

Sorry, just feeling a little froggy. 

terri*


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

If it wasn't kind of like one of those scarey movie, whispered things...it would be pretty damn funny enigma. lol.


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## gem (Aug 10, 2004)

We all have our own beliefs and feelings. I would like to share with you what I feel about this post. It is a very sad one. I actually stopped for a moment at my computer and sad how truly sad. For me being in this constant state of depersonalization is a very terrifying experience, one which I would not wish on my worst enemy. There are no words in the english language to describe the pain and anguish that we who suffer go through. It is the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my whole life. There is a high price to pay for having this, for me I lost friends and family because I was sick to long. They could wait no longer for me to get well. Well, you know what about me I have to stay I cannot leave it. I lost my sense of self and some who I thought loved me. I know how difficult it is for those who love you to watch what you go through on a daily basis just to survive. I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would want to have an illness such as this one. It tears at the deepest level of your soul. If I had one wish I would wish that I never had to live with such a horrible illness that leaves not one part of the human mind untouched. Please take the time to really think about wanting to experience this. The people here are loving and caring and very supportive to each other I imagaine this may feel upsetting to know that there are people who want to experience what we so desperately no longer want to suffer with. I am sorry you feel this way regarding dp/dr, hopefully when you read how painful it is for us you will give it some more thought.

gem.


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

Having chronic DR/DP is like being paralyzed with a low chance of ever walking. Its so lameeeee


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## kenc127 (Aug 10, 2004)

lol terri. No, I mean I feel as if Joseph is treating us like this mysterious group of people with an attractive disorder lol. I feel like he's trying to probe us to see what makes us tick.


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

When I was in the hospital for an appendix operation (you guys thought I was done talking about that, didn't you? :wink: ) they gave me some drugs for a procedure they did...not unconscious, just sort of spacey and very very happy, lol...I started talking about my books to the lab technician, lolol

I felt very unreal...very odd. BUT I was not dp (not the dp state I had endured for so many years). I felt good, but remote...odd. A little tiny bit creepy, but mostly interesting. If I had to go under a procedure again, I'd ask for the same drugs.

Sometimes people can enter states like THAT and think it's dp. It ain't.

Depersonalization is a highly disturbing sense of loss of self (the "Disturbing" word is part of the description)

Don't assume that "odd" feelings of self are dp. VERY different, kids. Be careful what you wish for.

A veteran, long long time veteran of the hell of dp.


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

Joseph: you have this desire to reach this state, it's exciting, fun, potentially enlightening, etc...

Depersonalization distances you from your body, sure, but it distances you from emotions that cause excitement, fun and maybe enlightenment. It's like "a living death", death of self, death of emotion.

It's not fun.


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## lone wolf (Aug 10, 2004)

Musashi said:


> Enlightenment means being perfectly content with the world and reality and existence, realizing it all in its wholeness comfortably, and simply knowing things without having to think.


Sorry, I don't want to sound offensive in any way, but what you describe sounds like nitrous oxide high for me. Inhaling that greenhouse gas I have felt total oneness with all that exists, with knowing + feeling directly what it is all about. :wink:


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2005)

yeah, that's true.

DP is more like a bad acid trip.


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## Depersonalized (Feb 11, 2005)

jstewnyc

If you are so *fascinated* by the experiences such as DP, then maybe you should start experimenting with drugs(acid, shrooms, ketamine, PCP, DMT, ketamine...)

I am sure that you will find a lot far more *fascinating* experiences.

Here we are trying to find out ways on how to fight this demon and not how fascinating and wonderful that is.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

With all due respect to the OP (original poster for those unfamiliar with IFs (Internet Forums, for those unfamiliar with IL (Internet Lingo))), your somehow wanting to be "dp"ed, if indeed that word can be used as a past-tense verb, is highly akin to those mind-boglingly absurd people who prowl the streets of major cities looking to get POZZED.

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, "Pozzed" (and i ardently hope that most of you are), it is a term used by people who want to get infected with the AIDS virus. They are called "bug chasers"...and they are on the prowl for "gift givers", or some such euphemistic insanity. They desperately want to acquire the AIDS virus. One man, being interviewed, stated that he was unable to obtain the virus through repeated sexual intercourse with infected males, and so was resorting to simply injecting the virus intravenously (sp?) into himself, in the hopes of becomming HIV positive, or POZZED. I'm not making this stuff up.

Anyway, feel free to try to get dped...but that's how silly the idea seems to many of us here.

s.
...reporting live, from the cutting edge of sexual fetishism...


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## nayashi (Sep 4, 2004)

Darling, you do NOT want this all the time. Trust me. It is horrifying and awful. Do you really want to feel like you don't exist for the rest of your life? I cry every day because of it. I mean, I suppose for someone who's only felt it once it might be cool, but trust me, it gets exhausting, and you are incapable of doing anything.

I've had it for 9 years now without any sense of reality at all, and it is not fun. I tried to kill myself over it. It's useful in some ways, yes, but I would do anything to be rid of it.

Be grateful for what you have, it is a blessing you don't have DP all the time. Thank the lord you feel real. Trust me on this one.

You should be extremely joyful for not having this all the time. I cannot stress this enough.


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2005)

I understand what Joseph is trying to say (and how funny/harsh it may seem to the most of you). I myself only have a very mild case of DP (not even really comparable to what most of you are going through; a constant sense of strangeness + I go into "real" DP about once a day [mostly while having an anxiety attack] lasting a few hours). When like myself, you get a chance to "breathe" in between DP states it isn't as mind-shattering as is the case with most of you. And although full-blown DP is hell for me as well, mild "attacks" with little anxiety can actually be "nice"/interesting in a way.. (although I wouldn't go as far as calling it a state of enlightenment)


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## nayashi (Sep 4, 2004)

Hey, Joe, by the way, can I hit you?


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

Joseph, you say you are using this to try to predict events.

Well, before I send the SWAT team to your house STOP all meditation and belief that you can ACTUALLY do this.

This is not logical.

Of course I won't be able to convince you.

But what DP is for the members of this board, oh hell goddamed YES you can acquire it, if you want to keep pursuing the art of magically predict the future.

You will never understand it until the day you regret you ever had it.

I know where you're coming from.

Turn back and stop thinking about magical abilities.

DP is actually a state where it is so uncomfortable that even a bottle of Xanax won't put you to sleep at times, and where you sometimes attempt suicide JUST so you can get to sleep and not have these terrible thoughts and things in your head.

Your fascination with this is kind of like a middle class kid's fascination with street gangs. Or a teenager's fascination with maybe being a stripper or a porn star.

Yeah.

You will end up worse.

Sorry, kid. You HAVe no magic even if you have predicted things. You have nothing on the rest of us in that department. But you can get some fine antipsychotics in the process of believing that you can really do this with your mind.

Go out with your friends and enjoy the beautiful life you have. There are/were people here (at one time myself included) who would have sliced their bodies into pieces while fully awake just to experience a MOMENT of not having DP.

In the most loving and caring and respectful way i can tell you this, get the fuck out of here.


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## dakotajo (Aug 10, 2004)

I think you guys were successful in chasing this member away. Congratulations! Even tho I agree that dp/anxiety sucks, you have no business telling anybody here to leave just because he has a different opinion then all of yours. This guy has simply decided to embrace his experience rather than fear it, which is probably a good idea if you ever want to break the cycle of anxiety/dp.


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2005)

dakotajo said:


> I think you guys were successful in chasing this member away. Congratulations! Even tho I agree that dp/anxiety sucks, you have no business telling anybody here to leave just because he has a different opinion then all of yours. This guy has simply decided to embrace his experience rather than fear it, which is probably a good idea if you ever want to break the cycle of anxiety/dp.


The problem here is that he has only experienced it once and does not have a cycle to embrace and eventually break. He wants to bring it upon himself. Might want to go re-read the topic before accusing anyone of scaring members off...


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

dakotajo said:


> I think you guys were successful in chasing this member away. Congratulations! Even tho I agree that dp/anxiety sucks, you have no business telling anybody here to leave just because he has a different opinion then all of yours. This guy has simply decided to embrace his experience rather than fear it, which is probably a good idea if you ever want to break the cycle of anxiety/dp.


i agree with you in a sense, DJ. I was thinking the same thing actually. But anyone who goes on a mental health board stating that they really want to be like that, is pretty insulting to those of us who suffer from this every day.

Like my AIDS analogy earlier, it would be like me going onto an AIDS board and, while most posts are soaked in sadness and grief, i come on and say, "Hey, where can i get me some?" It's just insulting, even if the person didn't mean to be.

Joseph seems to me like a naive young man who just wants to experience things in life, and i don't think he meant any harm by it. Nor do i think it's good to chase people off this site just for having a different opinion than the majority. But for the benefit of ALL concerned, including young joseph...it's best he be told quite curtly, that this isn't something you can dabble around with, and that most members aren't very comfortable with "dp-tourists" (my coinage, by the way). With the reception he got here, he'll probably go out and live a full and happy life.

s.


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## dakotajo (Aug 10, 2004)

Musashi,

No, I dont have to reread anything. You did exactly what I say you did and you have no right to. Im not allowed to tell people here to leave because they discuss benzo use even tho these drugs have sent several members, including myself, straight to hell. I may viciously argue my point but Im not allowed to tell anyone to leave because they feel differently than me . People here(which includes myself) just have to learn to accept the fact that we all have differing opinions.

Joe


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

I am advising it to him as a way to avoid a potential REAL attack of DP.


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## gem (Aug 10, 2004)

Dakota joe, I mentioned in my post that everyone has thier own thoughts and feelings and it is okay. For some reason on this one I have a feeling that this may not be the right place for someone who truly wants to feel what we are so desperately trying to not feel. Yes, they have the right to be here but it is difficult for those who suffer to feel they are being examined under a microscope, just a feeling.

gem.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Wait a minute...wait a minute...I think I'm having a _DP-psychic vision_.

I see myself..............._becoming responsible for more locked threads on this site than anyone else who ever trolled here!_ :shock:

e


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## Guest (Feb 20, 2005)

dakotajo said:


> Musashi,
> 
> No, I dont have to reread anything. You did exactly what I say you did and you have no right to. Im not allowed to tell people here to leave because they discuss benzo use even tho these drugs have sent several members, including myself, straight to hell. I may viciously argue my point but Im not allowed to tell anyone to leave because they feel differently than me . People here(which includes myself) just have to learn to accept the fact that we all have differing opinions.
> 
> Joe


Uh.



> This guy has simply decided to embrace his experience rather than fear it, which is probably a good idea if you ever want to break the cycle of anxiety/dp.


I was replying to that. It seemed you had a fallacy on part of assuming his current status with the disorder, which I was trying to correct you on.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Fascinated by DP eh ? Ho-hum. I guess some people are fascinated by train wreaks and grotesque genital deformities, so what the hey.

For me, DP is as fascinating as sucking shit flavoured, piping hot, putrid green lava out of satans seeping scrotum sack, while having a unpeeled pineapple shoved up my arse. Sideways.

If one more person swans onto this board declaring how we should embrace DP as some kind of enlightement, then I swear I'm going to give birth to kittens. I will also suggest that, when they poke me with the 'you're unelightened' stick, that they go visit a cancer ward and tell everyone there that they should em-fucking-brace their illness.

Am I the only english speaking person who actually understands the difference between 'embracing' and 'coping', or has the world gone completely mad without me noticing ?


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## JasonFar (Aug 13, 2004)

Break on through TO THE OTHER SIDE!


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## kenc127 (Aug 10, 2004)

Martin, that post was f*ing hilarious. Thank you for the comic relief. I needed it.

Ken


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## Guest (Feb 22, 2005)

i cant believe anyone that has truely had dr/dp would want that state of mind... it has been hell for me.. Doug


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