# My month long struggle with DP/DR/Intrusive thoughts



## crb1233 (Aug 9, 2014)

Hey everyone, I don't even know how to start...

I am a 19 year old male and all my life it seemed like I have always had an "anxiety" problem. An example being when I was younger (8-10) I used to have weird phobias of people breaking into my house and I could never be the last one to go to sleep in my family. Along with that I have always been kind of shy and really kept to myself. In high-school I had my own little small group of friends and always had kind of "social anxiety". When started college my life changed. I decided to go the fraternity route and rush to make new friends so I would learn to break out of my shell. (I am also attending college out of state). I had the best year of my entire life... I made new hundreds of new friends... met a new girlfriend and made extremely good grades. I felt like I had it all figured out.

I came home for the summer after my first year in college. All my friends moved or went into the service and went their separate ways. I am currently working to pay for my own school because my mom is a single parent and we didn't have money. for the past couple of months i have been working a warehouse job 45 hours a week and socializing with absolutely nobody. I started getting really depressed/anxious.

I spent so much time to myself thinking about a lot existential things and not really having many people to talk to. I eventually started having random panic attacks and before you know it felt crazy. I did not know what DP/DR was at the time... I feel like my life is one big dream that I will never wake up from. I now cry 4-6 times a day because everything that I used to love feels like it has no meaning (music/games/friends/memories). I just look at myself in the mirror and break down because I feel like I don't know who I am. I feel as if i am possessed or psychotic.

Things started too escalate. I started having scary intrusive thoughts about loved ones and thoughts that I would never carry out in my entire life no matter what. These thoughts such as hurting loved ones/myself scared me so much to the point where I am afraid to sleep (I only sleep like 3 hours a night). The reason they scare me so much is because of the DP/DR making me literally feel like I do not know who I am. I have never in my life been violent... I love everyone.... I cant even kill a bug without feeling bad... but I feel so out of it that I am so scared. Every time I hear the word "murder" on the news now I have a panic attack.

I went to several doctors refusing to believe this was all anxiety... I had extensive blood work done... all came back 100% perfect. I am not deficient in B, Iron, or anything. I also had a glucose test come back 100% perfect. I even went to a fucking neurologist because I thought my brain was broken (lol idk)

I have been now going to a therapist/psychiatrist who assured me that DP/DR/Intrusive thoughts are anxiety/depression based. I have been on prozac 20 mg for about one week now and xanax .25 for morning and night. I have been having little to no side effects so I hope these medications help cope somewhat with my pain. I know the prozac takes time to start working or whatever...

I am sorry this was so long.. I just want someone to give me the slightest reassurance that ill regain my life back one day.it has been about 4-5 weeks. I don't like feeling like a rotting potato that thinks about negativity all day but its so hard because I feel like one. I don't know how long I can stand living like this.

Thanks for any positive responses - much love <3


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## Jabato (Jul 19, 2014)

You will be yourself again! You only need time. Be patient.

Thoughts are just thoughts. Don't fight the obsessive thoughts, just leave them be. They'll gradually lose their edge and fade away. And remember that you aren't your thoughts.

I had racing intrusive thoughts a couple of months ago when it all started but my mind is clear now.

It will get better, trust me.

Get on with your life, socialise, exercise, distract. At the beginning it'll be hard but you'll soon see the improvement.

Good luck!


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## Walker (Aug 4, 2014)

I also feel like I am not moving on like everybody else since I graduated, have almost no contact with friends and are always at home.

have you ever heard of High sensitivity? I'm high sensitive and I think you are also, maybe you should look it up it would maybe explain why you where so anxiet and shy when you were younger. Good luck ! I know what you mean with the weird thoughts about life and everything but it comes and goed ! have faith


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