# Chronic introspective thought and the resulting damage



## nemesis (Aug 10, 2004)

Hi all,
A number of counselling sessions have brought to light the amount of time I (and probably a great many people here) spent on introspective thought. By this I mean thoughts involving thought monitoring and general self analysis.

Previous to my first extreme panic attack and the subsequent depersonalization, I lived a rich life of academic achievement, social interaction and had a diverse range of interests. At no point during this time did I ever find myself questioning my existence or my surroundings.

The intense introspective thought came immediately after my first panic attack. This threw me into a world full of self observation and supposition as to what had caused my body to react in such a frightening way. Sadly the panic disorder was not diagnosed for two years after the event which left plenty of time for the ruminations and self analysis to turn me into a social inept agoraphobic recluse.

To this day, 8 years after that first attack, I?m assuming that over 90% of my time in thought is introspective. Attempting to figure out why my head is ?foggy?, why I have such a poor memory, why I have so much difficultly organising my thoughts and writing essays and why I stumble over and slur my words when in social situations.

Interesting enough, the extreme introspective thoughts accompanied a loss of interest in all of my previous hobbies. In fact I now despise life and the challenges it throws. Something as simple as trying to decide what to eat for breakfast, or as complex as reallocating funds into extravagant equity schemes will both incur the same extreme levels of anxiety. Introspection soon follows as an attempt to quell the anxiety by way of logical analysis of the physical sensations that have now taken over my body.

Ramblings aside, the crux, the thesis question of what I am really trying to ask is ?to what extent can introspective thought destroy interests and happiness in the way that I have mentioned?? And do interests, a love for life and its challenges return once the DP and anxiety has been dealt with.

It probably looks as if just answered my own question in the previous text, but such is the ruminator?s thought process. I guess what I?d really love to read are some stories of introspective dysfunction similar to my own, but of people who have come through the other side and have regained their life to the fullness that once was before the DP.

Thanks for reading!


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## nemesis (Aug 10, 2004)

Hi all,
A number of counselling sessions have brought to light the amount of time I (and probably a great many people here) spent on introspective thought. By this I mean thoughts involving thought monitoring and general self analysis.

Previous to my first extreme panic attack and the subsequent depersonalization, I lived a rich life of academic achievement, social interaction and had a diverse range of interests. At no point during this time did I ever find myself questioning my existence or my surroundings.

The intense introspective thought came immediately after my first panic attack. This threw me into a world full of self observation and supposition as to what had caused my body to react in such a frightening way. Sadly the panic disorder was not diagnosed for two years after the event which left plenty of time for the ruminations and self analysis to turn me into a social inept agoraphobic recluse.

To this day, 8 years after that first attack, I?m assuming that over 90% of my time in thought is introspective. Attempting to figure out why my head is ?foggy?, why I have such a poor memory, why I have so much difficultly organising my thoughts and writing essays and why I stumble over and slur my words when in social situations.

Interesting enough, the extreme introspective thoughts accompanied a loss of interest in all of my previous hobbies. In fact I now despise life and the challenges it throws. Something as simple as trying to decide what to eat for breakfast, or as complex as reallocating funds into extravagant equity schemes will both incur the same extreme levels of anxiety. Introspection soon follows as an attempt to quell the anxiety by way of logical analysis of the physical sensations that have now taken over my body.

Ramblings aside, the crux, the thesis question of what I am really trying to ask is ?to what extent can introspective thought destroy interests and happiness in the way that I have mentioned?? And do interests, a love for life and its challenges return once the DP and anxiety has been dealt with.

It probably looks as if just answered my own question in the previous text, but such is the ruminator?s thought process. I guess what I?d really love to read are some stories of introspective dysfunction similar to my own, but of people who have come through the other side and have regained their life to the fullness that once was before the DP.

Thanks for reading!


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## Guest (Sep 6, 2004)

In one of the Harry Potter movies, little Harry finds a magic mirror in an old dusty room at Hogwart's. The mirror, if stared at unrelentingly, will show him "his heart's desire." The mirror, basic introspection, also serves for US Dp folks to remind us "we exist" and the introspection is affirmation that we are 1) still sane; 2) still HERE; 3) in control of 1 and 2.

Dumbledore finds Harry sitting in front of the mirror after returning to that room day after day, entranced in the images it offers. Sitting. Staring. Sitting. Staring.

Dumbledore tells him that he is not to come into that room anymore. People have been know to literally waste away, seeking what the mirror might show, waiting. Watching. Sitting. Staring. Unrelentlessly.

Introspection and self-monitoring can BECOME your life. That is not metaphor.

Peace,
J


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## Guest (Sep 6, 2004)

In one of the Harry Potter movies, little Harry finds a magic mirror in an old dusty room at Hogwart's. The mirror, if stared at unrelentingly, will show him "his heart's desire." The mirror, basic introspection, also serves for US Dp folks to remind us "we exist" and the introspection is affirmation that we are 1) still sane; 2) still HERE; 3) in control of 1 and 2.

Dumbledore finds Harry sitting in front of the mirror after returning to that room day after day, entranced in the images it offers. Sitting. Staring. Sitting. Staring.

Dumbledore tells him that he is not to come into that room anymore. People have been know to literally waste away, seeking what the mirror might show, waiting. Watching. Sitting. Staring. Unrelentlessly.

Introspection and self-monitoring can BECOME your life. That is not metaphor.

Peace,
J


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2004)

Hey there,

I must say that truly understand your woes, friend. Introspection is such a horrible thing that, if given enough time to fester and rot away at your personality, takes more and more control it seems.

I don't have much time to write, but I just want you to know that I am currently having very similar problems.

So difficult to know how to get out of this rut! But there has to be a way, right??


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2004)

Hey there,

I must say that truly understand your woes, friend. Introspection is such a horrible thing that, if given enough time to fester and rot away at your personality, takes more and more control it seems.

I don't have much time to write, but I just want you to know that I am currently having very similar problems.

So difficult to know how to get out of this rut! But there has to be a way, right??


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