# Is depersonalisation actually enlightenment?



## Disorder (Apr 7, 2008)

I feel largely recovered from depersonalisation now. Yet, I can't help but feel better for having experienced it. When most people go through life they stick to what is routine and never think outside of the box. They are robots who conform to society's norms. They are dull and routine and do not question the status quo. However, with depersonalisation it felt like I was thinking hundreds of thoughts a minute and I could think about things far beyond the average person's comprehension. I thought about space and the Cosmos and the fabric of time; I thought about religion and spirituality, Atheism and the afterlife, Existentialism and what it meant to have a soul. Even when I was thinking negative thoughts I felt free. Sometimes I even enjoyed having depersonalisation.

I was just wondering, what is everyone's take on this subject?


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

My dad has it (panic disorder) and he said "it will make you a better person".. Sadly in a lot of ways not so much.

On the topic - Its subjective vs objective. To some it is enlightenment and to some it is a pit. Each will have their own. My sitution is not good even with out fearing it or anything the situation for me is very physical and with nasty visual problems that don't help me with what I do for my job.

Pretty much all of those things you talk about I already did. My father tought me to question authority and think. I thought about all the stuff DP/DR people think about WELL before I got it. Now I don't want to now that I have it. You name it and I think it. I have all sorts of theories and questions built up since I was a child. When asked about my religion etc.. I talk about how I live a life of questioning. And how i prefer the answer to questions to be questions themselves..... I look and act different. As myself. Which through my life has had its great ups and downs. Far from the dull routine and infact my thesis was about all that stuff. I love Detournement and am a fan of Guy Debord. So instead of just doing different things I would go out of my way to "shake other people out of their cycle". My whole family is kind of like this.. .and this condition is genetic IN my family

But suffering under it has not helped, honestly. YEs you are right in some ways it has made me a better person. I have other problems that I was born with that made me a good person from the get go. I was made fun of for them and so I do not make fun of people etc... I have tons of friends, 3rd time best man, and people say i'm approachable and likable...... Yes conditions can help form that sort of person either from Parents and teaching (as I was) to personal conditions (like i have, and have had)....

But suffering under it has not really helped. It makes all my other humbling things in my life look trivial. I've already been bashed or praised for my humility or whatever and now DP/DR kinda took some wind out of me. ugh. I don't like talking too much on here about myself for obvious reasons.. but like I have CTS issues and all that. I've done speeches on it and helped many people. I've blogged and shared all I know on CTS and RSI... I don't do that as much now. Demonstrating in front of crowds seems scarrier to me now. Thats not good.	DP/DR has sort of forced me to focus on myself. As many people told me "This is the time to be greedy". Because i'm naturally VERY optimistic and VERY giving. I've bent over backwards and stressed out for a lot of people.

Now i'm being told to reel it in. Be greedy. Take the time that I need. Do the things that I need. I'm cutting the fat out of my life and sadly a lot of the fat was NEVER things like TV or sitting around. It was some good things. Even being a friend. organizing trips with these friends. etc... All kind of faded.

I think I speak for many people that to come out of this in some shape or form will make you a better person. If I can manage, perhaps 5 years from now I'll be emailing you to tell you just how much more i'm helping humanity than I suspect I would had I never experienced this........ But for now, 6 months in, Its a bit scary. Its a bit too "physical". Its changing at unpredictable rates. At times I go out of my way to be super nice and helpfull just because of DP/DR and sometimes I'm like a dog, backed into a corner, and the world is about to see me bite for the first time, ever.



I don't mean to be depressing by any means! I understand what you are saying totaly Disorder. I am going to paste this quote. Kind of shows the other potential side of it that I am talking about.

"
*Dr. Iris Henimen*: It's funny how all living organisms are alike... 
[_she starts crushing a mutated plant_] 
*Dr. Iris Henimen*: ...when the chips are down, when the pressure is on, every creature on the face of the Earth is interested in one thing and one thing only. 
*Dr. Iris Henimen*: [_the plant scars her palm_] Its own survival. 
"
*-Minority Report*


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## Mushishi (May 31, 2010)

> Is depersonalization actually enlightenment?


No.


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

Wow a lot of what I was trying to talk about is in detail in this awesome documentary

http://www.hulu.com/watch/173530/flight-from-death-the-quest-for-immortality

Just started watching it. If you go in about 30 minutes to 40 minutes there are some great studies about how people who are reminded of death and their mortality often react negatively, especially to those different then them. Some of these tests are on christians and religious people (







) heh.

Everybody is different though. Some of the best people i've ever known are people who want to be "immortal" and will do anything GOOD to do it. And some of the worst people i've ever known are people who want to be "immortal" and will do anything, just anything, including lie/cheat/steal to achieve that.


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## Guest (Sep 9, 2010)

IDK if depersonalization is actually an enlightenment.

What I do know is that I was raised an Atheist, and remained one, until the very day I became Depersonalized. Ever since then, I've been seeking/researching/practicing various forms of Spirituality. That's actually all I've been actively doing for 7 years now.


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## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

Disorder said:


> I feel largely recovered from depersonalisation now. Yet, I can't help but feel better for having experienced it. When most people go through life they stick to what is routine and never think outside of the box. They are robots who conform to society's norms. They are dull and routine and do not question the status quo. However, with depersonalisation it felt like I was thinking hundreds of thoughts a minute and I could think about things far beyond the average person's comprehension. I thought about space and the Cosmos and the fabric of time; I thought about religion and spirituality, Atheism and the afterlife, Existentialism and what it meant to have a soul. Even when I was thinking negative thoughts I felt free. Sometimes I even enjoyed having depersonalisation.
> 
> I was just wondering, what is everyone's take on this subject?


Can't put it as well as Blue Tank but..

I do feel DP played a big part in making me who I am now. How could it not when it has been part of my life as far back as I can remember? I had a hard time as a teen but nowadays it is mild enough so as not to rule my life (not saying it 's a picnic either though).

However, I don't think DP in particular enabled me to think outside the box. I think I am pretty creative, open minded,.. I think about things DP or no. 
IMO an inquisitive* mind is not a result of DP, but it is a part of my personality I believe may well have predisposed me for it. 
That said, I wouldn't want to change a thing.

We learn, change, grow through adversity whatever form it takes. Whatever it is you battle through - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger









*and broody of course


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## sonnl (Apr 15, 2009)

If I ever recover from DP, then my answer is yes. I wont regret a single thing.


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## razer777 (Jun 28, 2010)

I hope not.


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

Wow this is soooo timely - That documentary I posted has lead me to talks by Sheldon Solomon. They took works from Becker and applied actual experiments. A lot of these really really address what I was talking about.

Self Esteem - Feeling like you have a purpose... are a part of society and IN this world, helping it, and in enough ways in Control of it makes you a better person (more tolerant of those who are different than you, less fearfull of the unknown)

Fear of Death (existential issues) - Thoughts of death and mortality bring out the fear of people different than yourself... seen in heavy patriotism/nationalism and racism.

Of course your going to get deviations and different people, but apparently these studies are pretty hardcore stuff... And sadly i've seen it in myself. I've seen both how I'm humbled and all that, but i've also seen how i've become less tolerant than I was when I was very content and happy with very high self esteem...

This can be likened to the phenomenon you see with like closet homosexuality. Frustration is expelled on others until they finally either come to terms personally or socially (coming out). Or Closet ANYTHING for that matter. Fear and unhappyness.

Perhaps some people are Happy with DP/DR and therefore are quite enlightened. Esteem is up and they are a better person. Better than what they were before - perhaps they were human garbage. Perhaps they were great people to begin with.	For me DP/DR would be enlightenment if I was a cynical person put under constant mental pain i coudl not avoid.







Eh, It can be what you make it too I suppose

EDIT: I've pasted this before. Not saying this guy is end all be all.. But just a video to watch on the concept of DP/DR and "enlightenment"


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

Do I have a way of killing threads?


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