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## Guest (Apr 15, 2008)

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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

You get some of the same symptoms i get but not nearly as intense. I get major depression, mixed states (where you are both majorly depressed and manic how fun that is :roll: ) and hypomania that tends to get way out of hand. Sometimes when my mood swings are intense especially when im suffering from mixed state or hypomania thats bordering on full blown mania and i havent slept in days i get psychotic symptoms. I'll have random auditory hallucinations where i hear voices but i can never make out what they are saying. Another common one is that i will hear things dropping or banging in a dark cornner of the room.

During a mixed state it feels like im going to jump out of my own skin im that aggitated. I will get very paranoid and think that people are somehow out to get me in some way and i can't sit down because i get so edgy. I also get these horrible black racing thoughts and i get very self destructive and feel suicidal. I have punched steel doors and even brick or concreate walls until i tired myself out and my knuckles where a bloody mess. A few times i actually slashed my arm up but the cuts where not that deep.

On a few occasions i actually prepared to kill myself but i tried to calm down and came to my senses before i did it. I basically tried to think of a few good reasons to live and fortunatly i did. The only good thing about mixed states is that they don't last as long as my other moods. A higher dose of clonazepam then i usually take will help slow things down and let me think more rationally. Seroquel will pretty much stop a mixed state especially when taken with clonazepam. The downside to seroquel is that it takes a good hour to kick in alot of times so it's not a great atypical anti-psychotic for emergencies like that. Zydis which is zyprexa (olanzapine) in orally disintegrating tablets is supposed to be great for stuff like this. Too bad it's a fortune.

During major depressive episodes i lie in bed for weeks on end with barely enough energy to get up go to the bathroom, to eat and take a shower. I lose alot of weight when im like this because i have no appetite at all. I feel totally hopeless and i don't see the point in living when im depressed like this. But i don't have the energy to carry out suicide because that usually involves moving and getting out of bed.

Since i hit the right dose of lamictal this has pretty much stopped altogether. I get no more mixed states thank god, no more rapid cycling, i rarely get depressed and my hypomania is much better. Although back in january i started to get bad hypomania where i wouldnt sleep for days on end and id have hallucinations so thats why i went on the seroquel. Im going to go back on the seroquel again because im having hypomanic episodes again and i shouldnt have gone off it in the first place since i was doing well on it. I also need my lamictal dose increased because i had a depressive episode that lasted a few weeks a little over a month ago. Granted 2 life events probably played a big part in that aswell.

Anyway im not a doctor and certainly not a psychiatrist and im not going to play one on the net either. I just wanted to give you a idea of what my bipolar symptoms where like especially since i got rapid cycling as well. Usually i rapid cycled between major depression and mixed state and this would sometimes happen many times in the course of a day. Occasionally i would go from major depression to hypomania or vice versa but not very often. Atleast under normal circumstances anyway.

It never hurts to get a second opinion on these things so going to see another psychiatrist wouldnt be a bad idea. The first psychiatrist i saw was a total moron. I was first diagnosed by her as having bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified) then all of a sudden she changed my diagnoses without even bothering to tell me to some kind of axis 2 disorder. These are personality disorders and are damn hard to treat.

This was her way of getting rid of me i guess because she already had tons of patients as she was a sort of emergency psychiatrist that you could get into see fairly quickly. I also had a few words with her and even had the nerve to question her authority when i suggested her choice of meds was wrong. So she wrote me down as most likely not having bipolar and instead i had a axis 2 disorder most likely narcissistic personality disorder. Then i was no longer her patient as she said i could no longer benifit from seing a psychiatrist.

This pissed me off to say the least :evil: . Especially since i had to hear it from my GP who read it to me. Also anyone who knows me well knows that the last thing i am is narcissistic. My friends who know me well would be the first to say i don't fit that at all. I was taken off my meds which at the time included valproate which did not work very well and seroquuel which was the only thing holding me together really. When i came off the meds i crashed and burned to say the least.

My new psychiatrist who is great diagnosed me as having bipolar 2 most or NOS at first and now she pretty much says i have bipolar 2. But i don't really care as long as what im on to treat it is working. She put me on lamictal and once i finally hit the right dose i felt great more stable then i had been since well i don't remember lol.

Christ that was long sorry i got on abit of a rant there. Anyway if you can read most of that i hope it answered some of your questions atleast.


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## Guest (Apr 16, 2008)

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## Guest (Jun 16, 2008)

Spirit, I just saw this and was going to say it's like bipolar.

But remember things come on a spectrum. No illness is the same for anyone. This post is a tad old, but I was diagnosed with some BPD tendencies. Last I heard they are thinking of renaming borderline to "mood dysregulation disorder" -- it could be on a bipolar spectrum.

Lamictal helped me with this as well, but I am NOT bipolar. My husband first noticed the change. He literally saw me not flying off the handle as much and such things.

I didn't even notice! And I tell you, I have had many time an urge to toss things at psychiatrists, LOL. Sometimes it's difficult to resist. On the Lamictal, I will at least analyze my feelings and realize that action is completely unproductive.

Just a thought.
Tired and just reading stuff for the hell of it.
D


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## Guest (Jul 17, 2008)

Sorry Dreamer ,I must have missed your post.

I just dont know,like I said in my above post the last depressive episode I had was back in nov 2006 and I thought that would be the last long period of depression I would suffer besides the miner downs i get sometimes where I quickly go back up again.
But ive been down again for weeks now,it seems like forever ,its like time has slowed down.Im moody,anxious ,more anxious than ive ever been at moments.The other night I sat at home and I litterally felt like I was about to totally lose it,its an awfull feeling,like your whole mind is about to just explode into complete and utter insanity,into a thousand peices.
I have been so anxious in the house at night I have been having small walks outside around the block at say 3 or 4 am in the morning,because I feel like running somewhere but have no destination.Although I know that it could be the antibiotics I am on causeing some of this,and my nan dieing might have triggered some stuff.I also pace when im anxious ,its exhausting.
I definatly relate it all to the bpd diagnosis,I definatly dont think "mood disregulation disorder" does it justice or covers it at all,but I am curious as to what the function is that makes the bpd moods like bipolar,in my thoughts ive allways figured it was the extreme oposite thinking of bpd that causes the swings,but ive worked on that now.Recovery from bpd is hellish but its necarsary to go through the hell to recover.Ive been working on alot of stuff and i ghess its brought alot of bad scary feelings up in me again.I have allowed myself to sit and feel or remember even though at times it litterally makes me want to vomit or self harm.The thing with bpd I have noticed is that while it feels like youve taken ten steps backwards again ,its not the case.Its simply that old faulty coping mechanisms are being removed and therefore the feelings are exposed with no where to hide-no coping mechanisms and intergrating new ones when youre terrified is difficult.The hellish bit is actually moving forwards,when you actually feel how scared you are and face it,the fear youve been hiding then you are working on it and suceeding although it doesnt feel that way at all.Its a necarsary evil to recover.

I do feel that my mood is picking up again but the anxiety and extreme fear that I get at times will torment me for a long time yet.

Spirit.


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2008)

cut and pasted

*People with bipolar disorder typically spend far more time in the depressive phase than they do in the manic phase. Furthermore, bipolar depression is more disruptive than mania,*

I dont find this true,is it true?...Im finding the hyper bits i get[bipolar or not]interfere far more with my life.....if im depressed i can just stay in bed..or be quiet..or whatever..if im up i spent money on crap i dont like...i have a large pile of items at home[clthing]that i have no idea why i brought them....thats disruptive to me because i dont have enough money for food then but dont care about that much when i buy the stuff..and im not very rich....Im irritable and get argumentitive and aggitated..thats disruptive...i get crazy talk shit and and piss people off...i lose freinds when im up because i say things i wouldnt usually say or that seem ok at the time...disruptive.I drink to calm down when the aggitation is making me feel like at any minute my head will explode litterally...i dont eat much because ive tons of energy and dont need to...i get in trouble with the housing people for painting murials and magickal symbols on my home walls  lol
When im down i dont care....so i dont cause probs...i am extremley tired then so thats disruptive i suppose if i need tro see my kids or whatever......more inconveinient...than disruptive though..if i worked i ghess it would disrupt my life.

Though saying that..the ups arent just disruptive all the time..they can be productive....who knows...


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