# Crying out for help, or I will die like this.



## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Okay, I've had it. I am losing hope and I know I will never recover or feel better from whatever the FUCK this is. Yeah, here she goes again but I don't care anymore. Does anyone seem to understand the severity of my condition??? Getting worse EVERY DAY. Everything around me is not making sense and feels more detattched from my mind as the DAYS go by. I will not survive like this. Do t tell me to ACCEP this, I CANNOT. If it was NOT getting WORSE, I would of done so a long time ago but I am just slipping away and I am scared and I don't know what to do. WHAT THE HELL do I DO??? No one knows how to help me and I feel trapped and hopeless and angry and just want to hurt myself but I cannot. can anyone relate???? With complete disconnect from surroundings, I am dying. The things around me and in front of me are losing meaning and do not make sense. And my hearing , for some reason, is diminishing and every loud sound I hear makes me jump. Like my ears are too sensitive to it. Please.....give.....me....an....answer........I can't hang in there anymore. I am losing my ability to function and this is not good. Distractions are bearly working anymore and forcing myself to focus is becoming tiresome. It's like my brain and mind are just giving up its ability to know what it's looking at. I was crying like a baby yesterday and fear for my life. I don't mean to moan but what else can I do, I don't know who to turn too. And I apologize in advance, but this is really no joke.


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## stranger in the mirror (Feb 24, 2012)

how long do you have dp? more than 4 months?


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

DR, year and a half.


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## stranger in the mirror (Feb 24, 2012)

the only thing i can say is accept and dont resist if you keep resisting it will only make it worse, you are making your self crazy by doing this, so stop doing this.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Accept torture? Wow


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## brianjones (Sep 14, 2011)

Get on with it darling!

Get on with it.


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## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

Melissa_Z said:


> Accept torture? Wow


He is right really. You have to try and ignore it and move on however bad you feel. Because otherwise all you're going to do is scare yourself and scare yourself and it becomes a cycle. I doubt you are the person with the worst DP on here but quite clear the symptoms you have are very very severe and are clearly causing you distress.

The only thing i can suggest is if nothing anyone says on here will make you feel better then I'd book an appoitment with a pych if i were you.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Fluke said:


> He is right really. You have to try and ignore it and move on however bad you feel. Because otherwise all you're going to do is scare yourself and scare yourself and it becomes a cycle. I doubt you are the person with the worst DP on here but quite clear the symptoms you have are very very severe and are clearly causing you distress.
> 
> The only thing i can suggest is if nothing anyone says on here will make you feel better then I'd book an appoitment with a pych if i were you.


I have seen my psych, he's an asshole. He told me to look for another doctor. I have tried so many meds.


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## Guest (Mar 3, 2012)

Melissa_Z said:


> Okay, I've had it. I am losing hope and I know I will never recover or feel better from whatever the FUCK this is. Yeah, here she goes again but I don't care anymore. Does anyone seem to understand the severity of my condition??? Getting worse EVERY DAY. Everything around me is not making sense and feels more detattched from my mind as the DAYS go by. I will not survive like this. Do t tell me to ACCEP this, I CANNOT. If it was NOT getting WORSE, I would of done so a long time ago but I am just slipping away and I am scared and I don't know what to do. WHAT THE HELL do I DO??? No one knows how to help me and I feel trapped and hopeless and angry and just want to hurt myself but I cannot. can anyone relate???? With complete disconnect from surroundings, I am dying. The things around me and in front of me are losing meaning and do not make sense. And my hearing , for some reason, is diminishing and every loud sound I hear makes me jump. Like my ears are too sensitive to it. Please.....give.....me....an....answer........I can't hang in there anymore. I am losing my ability to function and this is not good. Distractions are bearly working anymore and forcing myself to focus is becoming tiresome. It's like my brain and mind are just giving up its ability to know what it's looking at. I was crying like a baby yesterday and fear for my life. I don't mean to moan but what else can I do, I don't know who to turn too. And I apologize in advance, but this is really no joke.


Sorry, I can't explain why I have DPD either. I experience all of the symptoms too, and I've had it since I was a kid. Some times I feel hypersensitive to light, sound, and people, other times, I feel completely numb--it all depends.

Here's a helpful website, "Functional / Dissociative Symptoms"


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## Guest (Mar 3, 2012)

I hadn't been on this site in a long time until recently, as you can see I joined a long time ago, right when my DP/DR became chronic. The problem that we have to live with is that this is not something that came out of no where. Most people who have this disorder have had it there entire lives, but, something down the road sets it off randomly. For me, it was smoking pot, One day I was fine, the next I felt like I was looking through a fishbowl. That's not to say I didn't have bouts of it when I was younger, 'cause I most certainly did. It sucks, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but it's like anything bad in life that you have to live with, After time, it gets better. I have to agree with the other posters, I don't think saying accept torture is necessary. However, at this point, there is no wonder cure for this problem, and we may not see one in our lifetime, if ever. I'm sure everyone here understand's what you're going through. Honestly, I had to diagnose myself because no one knew what was going on. Imagine if you didn't even know what you had, that would be torture in itself. I'm on plenty of medications, and honestly, the best thing for my dp/dr, has been to try and keep busy, that's something no medication can do. Keeping busy takes your mind off of it and you start to realize you've gone a whole day without thinking about and without having symptoms. For example right now I'm thinking about it, so I'm completely dp'd. I've learned to live with it at this point though. In regards to you're psychiatrist, I've been there as well. Some just don't care, and are assholes. I had to go through 2, and finally land on a nurse practioner before I was happy. I would suggest maybe trying to find a new one. The main thing though is to know there are people you can talk to through this site that understand what you're going through andwill always be supportive.


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Two things can be done:

1) Embrace your circumstances for the time being. This by no means will make you feel better - but accept you will be in hell for x number of years or forever. Sorry - but I am in the same place.

2) Despite embracing circumstances maintain hope - and pursure the MEDICAL (not psychological) community.. ie neurology, hormone therapy, toxicology, neurofeedback, etc.

Just last it out, and know that nothing you can do beyond actually finding a cure will make you feel better. But keep posting and shit, don't be shy. Just let it out. I went through a phase of raging on the boards everyday for a good month straight.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Years? I don't think I can make it through the month like this. No one gets that it's getting worse everyday?


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Ok, assume it will get even worse. You are still functional. And suicide is the only thing that can hurt you because DP can't.

So just promise yourself you will stick it out, and you will get through the time until you can stabilize the problem. I have felt so bad that I thought I needed to have my hands tied behind my back so i wouldn't hurt myself. But I'm in this shit for the long haul whether I want to be or not.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

It hurts me to see you suffer like this, but I want to make a point of telling you that you DO still have options, Melissa.

Options:

1. Fly to New York and see Daphne Simeon (expert in DP/DR)...a couple other people on this board see her as well.

2. Try to get in touch (either by phone or email) with Dr. Mauricio Sierra (TOP expert in DP/DR research). He is from the IOP DP Research Unit of London.

3. PRAY!!

4. If you can't do #1 and #2 just yet, then seek a new psychiatrist for the time being. Call around. Ask if any of them have had experience with treating dissociation (derealization in your case, i know).

You are not without options, girl! There is still hope! You will not die! You need to treat the anxiety that is working you up into panic so much! Things CAN get better! I have hope for you, I really do.

<3


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Melissa, I wrote a reply on another thread of yours offering advice, but I know in the nature of DP/ DR sometimes we overlook things we can do to help ourselves.

There are at least 2 things you can do that will help you.

*Mindfulness
*
I am in a therapy group for Dissociative disorders- Depersonalisation/ Derealisation, Dissociative Identity Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. 
They are treating us using Mindfulness which is helping a lot. Dissociation is linked to emotional problems. Our brains can't cope so we switch off. And sometimes it's easier to cope with DP/ DR than face what's underneath.

Some people on here have had good results using Mindfulness
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/30910-mindfulness-anxiety-and-depersonalization/
Here is a post I made ages ago
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/28785-how-mindfulness-could-help-you-please-read/

Also, look into *Trauma/ Tension Release Exercises*. I know of a few people who have had good results using this too.
Google TRE, David Berceli


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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

I can relate. The worst part is thinking you're pushing through it and gaining confidence for the first time in years, only to lose yourself again. Its so easy to lose yourself its maddening. I dont know whether to accept this un-existance and forget about being a part of the world or to struggle against the odds by trying to be a part of the world.


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## orca (Nov 21, 2011)

If its not to personal, can you maybe describe a typical day of yours? Maybe we'll be able to see something your not able to while in your state..

Btw the only I can do when in a really fucked up state is clean the house fast and as best you can so that you caught up in that moment and don't
have time to think, it's basically another way of being mindful.

Also..Your Never Gven a Challenge In Life You Cannot Overcome, my great grandmother told me that, has helped a lot..lol

So stay determined and best of luck


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## Cesar (Aug 23, 2010)

If it's anxiety related perfectmeditation.com is a good place to start. Even if it's not anxiety induced dp it's still worth a try.
I haven't been able to use the program for a year do to a head injury but I was making good progress, significant progress with my dp.
And most people don't have any real answers for dp as anyone on here knows.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

All these answers about people really have no answers for DP is complete bull shit to ke, sorry. There has to be an answer. Sorry


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## kanda (Feb 8, 2012)

Take it easy!


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## Cesar (Aug 23, 2010)

My point was that I'm not satisfied with what most people have to offer in regards to dp, not that there isn't an answer. 
a binaural beat program that puts you in delta and progressivley changes the carrier frequency is an answer to dp.
Which is what Holosync and Perfect Meditation do. From my observations most people doen't even understand 
what any of these SPECIFIC programs do and will never use it, their lives staying mostly the same. These aren't the same as some meditation cd that helps calm you or focus etc. These are hardcore bring out the shadow material, transform your consciousness into pure awareness cds that will change anyone's life. Talking, thinking, taking pills, none of these offer lasting results, which is what an answer to dp would be.
When you have dp your options of effective therapies are significantly limited. Not too many things will make a dent in resolving dp from my past experience. I've tried so much over the years, these aren't conclusions I just thought up out of thin air, they are from 14 years of suffering, looking, wasting money on bs products/therapies, and getting lucky at times. Dp isn't something that will resolve itself in a few days, but my belief is that with use of one of these programs dp can be resolved in a couple years or so of consistent use as well as many other benefits, permanent benefits.

I'm not a doctor, but supplements do help and it sounds like you could use rhodiola which is an adaptogen. I use jarrow brand.
This is good for the bad stress you are going through, physical and mental.

This is the best I have to offer.


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## Hikaru100 (Mar 6, 2012)

I don't think anybody can help you at this point, except yourself. If your DP continues to remain the same, then change your lifestyle. Spend more time outside of your house, increase your level of productivity, immerse yourself in more engaging tasks, but most importantly do not isolate yourself and dwell on your condition. What good could that possibly bring? Ultimately you will continue to hinder yourself this way, and you will not make any progress. If you want to start getting better, then make changes right away in your life. Try to refrain from dwelling on your condition, go about your daily life as usual, increase productivity levels, spend less time at home. Do that for a week straight, then report back and you will see your symptoms are not as bad as they appear. That's all there is to it. No amount of advice and reassurance will have any influence at this point. This is a task that only you are able to carry out. You just have to take that first step and commit yourself to change and you will see yourself getting better and going back to living a normal life. That's it.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Tried any energy therapies? Accupuncture, reiki that kind of thing? Tai chi maybe? Have you gotten into mindfulness? I know mindfulness won't fix you but I swear to god it can and will help you if you put in the time and effort. It's like a magic wand. It can make things tollerable


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Guys, I really do appreciate all your help but e erytime I say it's getting worse , EVERY DAY, I feel like I'm being ignored :/ I know that sounds rude but this is pretty serious, I don't know what to do and no one knows how to help. And my hearing is diminishing every day, weird? Mindfulness helps, at times yes, but, I am like so disconnected it isn't even funny.







and the truth is I do read al your advice but the worse it gets, I just feel like what's the point, and I am speaking the truth because I don't see any hope for me at all. It would take a miracle at this point. My therapist doesn't know what to do to hel me, long story short, it's getting worse EVERY DAY, not sure if its like that for anyone else? If it was and something helped, please tell me. I know I am beng very stubborn and that is because I have never been through something so ..... I can't even find a word for it.....hmm, HORRIBLE, in my life. I. Am. So. Scared.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Melissa,

The Trauma Release Exercises are really simple. It's just stretching and straining muscles in the body, which induces shaking from the psoas muscle, which holds trauma and tension in the body. It takes no more than 30 mintues to do. And the results are instant.

Also, the deafness, I had that too. It's from blood vessels constricting in the ear, caused by anxiety. The TRE helps a lot with anxiety and stress levels.


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## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

Hikaru100 said:


> I don't think anybody can help you at this point, except yourself. If your DP continues to remain the same, then change your lifestyle. Spend more time outside of your house, increase your level of productivity, immerse yourself in more engaging tasks, but most importantly do not isolate yourself and dwell on your condition. What good could that possibly bring? Ultimately you will continue to hinder yourself this way, and you will not make any progress. If you want to start getting better, then make changes right away in your life. Try to refrain from dwelling on your condition, go about your daily life as usual, increase productivity levels, spend less time at home. Do that for a week straight, then report back and you will see your symptoms are not as bad as they appear. That's all there is to it. No amount of advice and reassurance will have any influence at this point. This is a task that only you are able to carry out. You just have to take that first step and commit yourself to change and you will see yourself getting better and going back to living a normal life. That's it.


This.


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## 12345 (Mar 8, 2012)

Meditate and pray. Master it. It can help you align yourself.


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## whatthehell (Jul 27, 2010)

I'm telling you that it does diminish. Like everyone here said find something you can do that gets you outside yourself. You should get your heart pumping too at a gym which relieves stress and calmer down the body and also surrounds you with people. Dp really is anxiety or depression driven (or due to some form of stress) and its something that happens to a lot of people and its awful. But if you commit to accepting how you feel and choose to make some conscious lifestyle changes you will see some improvement. Also, write down when it feels the absolute worst time of day etc and what's going on around you and any thoughts you are having. You might find a trend or insight.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

insaticiable said:


> It hurts me to see you suffer like this, but I want to make a point of telling you that you DO still have options, Melissa.
> 
> Options:
> 
> ...


I agree with Sandy. You live in Jersey City, drive your butt into the city and go see Dr. Simeon. If you honestly believe what you do about not accepting dp in order to recover then you need to see the ultimate authority in the united states on Dp and see what she has to say. Because screwing around with psychologists who don't understand dp is not going to get you anywhere. I know, I got so freaking sick of being patronized by moron medical professionals who didn't understand dp that I just quit seeing them. All medications made me worse so I took myself off of all of them. If I lived anywhere close to NYC I would have been Dr. Simeon's office during the first week of having dp. I think that is your best bet.


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