# Coping Skills



## Guest (Dec 4, 2009)

I was recently hospitalized and realized while being there that I got to the point I did because I had no coping skills to apply to dp. My only ways of coping where to isolate myself and then lose myself in the internet so that I was just vegging out 24/7 and didn't have to think about how I was feeling. I realized that this led me really deep into depression and increased my stress that I was missing out on life. I was missing out because I was hiding from it, not because of the dp. While in the hospital I got a workbook called "Coping Skills For Life" and there are some things in there that I wanted to share with all of you.
Good Coping is active problem solving that has:
OPTIMISM or an expectation that positive change IS POSSIBLE
PRACTICALITY about the kinds of solutions that are feasible
FLEXIBILITY in approach to any problem
RESOURCEFULNESS in finding support or additional information that helps
Basically with good coping you do not feel helpless or hopeless

Here are a list of Coping Skills

Seeking Social Support:
Talk to someone who could do something
Ask a friend or relative for advice (why we are on this board)
Talk to someone about how I am feeling
Talk to someone to find out more
Let my feelings out somehow
Look for empathy
Get professional help

Positive Problem Solving:
Look for a silver lining
Change or grow as a person in a good way
Treat the illness as a challenge
Rediscover what is important in life
Change something
Know what has to be done
Try to find out as much as I can
Make a plan of action and follow it
Be inspired to be creative
Come up with different solutions
Change something about myself
Live one day at a time
Remind myself how much worse things could be
Try not to act too hastily

Bad Methods of Coping:
Try to keep my feelings to myself
Try to forget the whole thing
Refuse to believe it will happen
Keep others from knowing how bad things are
Prepare for the worst
Wish the situation would go away or be different
Avoid being with people
Smoke, Drink or Eat to excess

Statement of Coping:
Recognize that no thought or feeling is wrong in itself, it is what we do with it that really counts.
Become aware of the way your body feels as tension begins to build up and remind yourself to calm down.
Recognize that you don't have to go through this alone. Don't hesitate to seek information or counseling if questions or concerns arise.
Work to improve communication with your family, friends, and doctors
If you are experiencing fatigue or feeling overwhelmed, consider redistributing or reducing your responsibilities for a period of time
Recognize that family and friends have to deal with their own feelings too. They may be helpful or unhelpful to you. They are, however, probably doing the best they know how.
Do things each day that are nurturing to you. These may include fun activities, relaxation, time alone, and exercise.
You can work to solve some of the problems that are causing you stress
Accept that guilt and worry about thing you can't change are useless and energy-draining
Give yourself credit for whatever level of coping you are achieving. Remember there is no instant fix
Develop a love and respect for yourself-because each of us is, with our strengths, a special and worthwhile person

You will have to practice coping skills 30 to 60 times we you "have them"

Distorted Thinking:
Researchers have catagorized the negative thoughts we have about the facts in our lives and have labeled them distorted thinking. The value in labelling them is that we are then able to first, identify them and second, change them more easily into appropriate, logical, and positive thoughts.

Here is a list of illogical and distorted ways of thinking that we commonly use to our disadvantage:
all or nothing
generalization
disqualifying the positive
emotional reasoning
using "should" too often
personalizing events

You have a choice! You can control the way you feel by controlling the way you think.
First you accept how you feel- emotions are neither right nor wrong. If you are aware of your illogical thinking in a non-emotional way, you will weaken your attachment to it. When you are aware of your thoughts and you are in the moment, you clear a path in your mind for your values to emerge again.

It's important to remember- Everything feeling has a thought behind it.

Self Talk:
Self talk is another way to help modify our thoughts. Here are examples of self-talk statements for you to use. Pick a few to practice.

Preparation for Stress:
I've succeeded with this before
What exactly do I have to do?
I know I can do each one of these tasks
It's easier once you get started
I'll jump in and be alright
Tomorrow I will be through it
I won't let negative thoughts creep in

Facing a Challenge:
I will take it step by step, I won't rush
I can do this. I'm doing it now
I can only do my best
Any tension I feel is a signal to use my coping exercises
I can get help if I need it
If I don't think about fear, I won't be afraid
If I get tense, I will take a deep breath and relax

Coping with Fear:
Relax NOW!
Just breathe deeply
There's an end to this
Keep my mind on right now, on the task at hand
I can keep this within limits I can handle
I can always call _____________
I am only afraid because I decided to be. I can decide not to be
I've survived this and worse before
Being active will lessen my fear

Self Congratulations:
I did it!
I did alright
I did well
Next time I won't have to worry so much
I am able to relax away anxiety
I've got to tell ____________ about this
It's possible not to be scared
All I have to do is stop thinking I'm scared

Affirmations:
Everyday, in every way, I grow stronger and stronger
I enter this day with a peaceful heart

Remember that facts, thoughts, and feelings follow this order: Fact-Thought-Feeling
The feeling comes from the thought and NOT from the FACT.
We may not have control over the fact but we DO HAVE CONTROL OVER THE THOUGHT


----------



## willbarwa (Aug 26, 2017)

Man, this is an abundance of useful information. You probababy or lone gone from this site seeing that this was posted 8 years ago.

On the off-chance you are still surfing, thank you and message me back.


----------



## courtneyk (Apr 20, 2017)

This is really useful info! Can't believe no has commented before now. Lots of the users should definitely read this.


----------



## MLNDLRWMN (Sep 2, 2017)

This is great info! I hear the underlying message that is taking back your own power in small ways, step by step.


----------



## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

I googled the title and I'm pretty sure I found it. "Coping Skills for life (think smart live well)," produced in collaboration by Integrated Health Care Programs, Hope and Cope Wellness Center, Montreal, Quebec. It looks like it's used as a general manual for people struggling with all sorts of conditions, mental and physical. I downloaded it.


----------

