# Depersonalization?



## riokid (Sep 8, 2012)

I am 21 Years Old and I am from Ireland. On March the third me and a few mates were out partying at a local bar/nightclub and we where all drinking alcohol and ended up pretty drunk at the end of the night. I was drinking vodka and beer all night so I was pretty drunk. My mate decided to buy a gram of crystal meth and of course this was my first and last time planning on taking the drug. My mate has took this drug before only on the odd weekend nothing too hardcore. I snorted half a gram and he snorted the other half. This was my first time and it felt so good and I was very high and I was enjoying it so much. It was a nice buzz. After a few hours of partying at the end of the night I decided to go home and go to bed.

The next wasn't so so fun, I was having a major comedown which included sweating, feeling very anxious, depressed and down and feeling like total ****. I was also feeling dettached from reality and my head felt like it was in the clouds. It was very scary and I thought If I got a good nights sleep this would all wear off. The comedown of feeling down and anxious lasted for 3-4 days and I was very scared of the dettachment from reality feeling. Six months later I have been experiencing the majority of the symptoms related with depersonalization 24/7 and I am very scared that it wont go away and I will be stuck like this forever, its very stressing and Im very worried. My symptoms include: Numb mind, feeling of nothingness, feeling empty, dettached slightly from reality, Memory loss, feel like a walking zombie, feel kind of high all the time, feel invisible, feel transparent, lost my sense of self and identity, feel like a different person, feel a deadness feeling in my mind, symptoms are worse at night and when im outside, my mind feels like its drifting, Ungrounded, feels like im going through motions of life but not experiencing anything, cant connect with myself or people. I must add that I do not feel anxious or depressed just all of the symptoms I mentioned and they are 24/7 constant.

I have had a CT scan and an EEG test and both have came back clear. I have also been to a neurologist and he said he is 99.9% sure that I do not have brain damage but he has ordered me a MRI scan just for my own peace of mind. I am still scared that I have messed something up chemically, or even a nerve or a receptor or something that isnt fixable. I have been referred to my local mental health support team and I have been on Vensir XL (150mg) for about 4 months now, it has only helped with my mood and that is it, it has never got rid of these feelings I have 24/7. The mental health support team aren't overly sure what this could be, they just classify this as anxiety/ depression but I dnt feel depressed or anxious just worried and scared about the feelings I have all the time. I Don't understand why I have them all the time and not just at certain times, Its quite scary. I have also been to a clinical psychologist and he is very sure that I haven't damaged my brain and he thinks that because the drug caused the feelings I have kept the feelings alive by worrying and obssessing and dwelling on them. He also said that I have got myself into a cycle but he said its very treatable and it will go away. Im very hard to convince because these feelings are so scary and they are here 24/7 and they are so persistent and Im worried they wont go away. The past 6 months have been hell for me because it feels like I have ruined my life totally over trying an illegal drug once and never planning in doing it again. I have also noticed that the dettachment from reality feeling has faded recently into a feeling of nothingness, numb and deadness feeling. This also worries me because it feels that this is as good as it gets.

Over the past 6 months I have dropped out of my drama course I was doing and had to quit my part time job because of how I am feeling. It has been terrible and I have no quality of life since this **** has happened. I sit in the house most days wondering what has happened to me and what is wrong me and usually researching all my symptoms and I usually get Depersonalization/Derealization. I have been going out to clubs and bars the odd time over 6 months but not too much because I dont really enjoy myself because how Im feeling. My self diagnosis has ranged from anxiety, depression, depersonalization, psychosis, PTSD, Brain damage, damaged serotonin/dopamine receptors, Nerve damage, chemical imbalance and dissociation disorder?

I Would like you guys to answer all my questions and give some opinions and advice/experience on my situation:

Does this sound like Depersonalization?
Could some part of my brain still be damaged?
Is numbness, deadness feeling apart of Depersonalization?
Could this still be anxiety/depression even if I dont feel anxious or depressed?
Do you think it will go away?
How do I get out of this mess and make these feelings disappear?


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

Speaking as a med student, I would suggest you take what im about to say pretty seriously.

When taking meth, you are HEAVILY increasing sensory input to your brain. As such, your brain will want to return to equilibrium, and it does that by dissociating. (Dissociation reduces sensory input.)

I can assure you that nothing is damaged, in your brain. The very small amount of neurons you killed WILL - contrary to popular belief - be regenerated.

As for your concern with your brain chemistry, your brain has reduced its GABA receptors. Less GABA reuptake, more dissociation. However, less GABA is not dangerous at all.

As for whether you have DP or DR or both, depends solely on certain parts of your brain being hyperactive and others being underactive. Again, this is not dangerous at all.

Ps. The reason your doctors assume you are stressed out is because stress also increases sensory input, and thus, the whole cycle your doctors told you about.

Good luck to you.


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## riokid (Sep 8, 2012)

Thanks Dadue for the reply. What do I need to do to return to my normal self and get rid of all these feelings and get on with my life? Cheers


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

riokid said:


> Thanks Dadue for the reply. What do I need to do to return to my normal self and get rid of all these feelings and get on with my life? Cheers


Im sorry to say that, like the rest of us, it might or might not take long.

The key is to reduce your anxiety. By doing so, you remove any reason for your brain to dissociate you.

I suggest psychotherapy.


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

riokid said:


> Thanks Dadue for the reply. What do I need to do to return to my normal self and get rid of all these feelings and get on with my life? Cheers


Meds are your LAST option. I cant stress this enough.


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## unreality (Sep 6, 2012)

37F said:


> Go live in a third world country for about a year. Or, if not enough time for that, maybe go over to one of the Mideastern countries and watch as things get firebombed. You will soon see the reality of life and not the depersonalization that our society perpetuates. We have long ceased to be a society of people, but instead a society of things. The Paucity of Inner Experiences · by Karen Horney, M.D - believe writen in 1952 - Neither is the paucity of inner experiences restricted to the emotional life-feelings of pain, of joy, of hope, of disappointment, of likes or dislikes. It also includes thinking, willing, wishing, believing, doing. In short, it means living in a fog. Sound familiar.
> 
> My point being that you only experience your self in real time - when the sh*t is on the line, blood is pumping and and your heart is thumping - need not be 24/7 - just the awareness that this is what is outside your door.


... Relevance?


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

37F said:


> Well you have to think for your self once in a while dumbfuk


Come on guys. No need for disrespect. Just let the votes decide, that's what they're there for.

That goes for you too unreality.


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## unreality (Sep 6, 2012)

Dadude said:


> Come on guys. No need for disrespect. Just let the votes decide, that's what they're there for.
> 
> That goes for you too unreality.


You're right. I'm sorry.


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## thestudiousone (Aug 15, 2012)

37F said:


> Go live in a third world country for about a year. Or, if not enough time for that, maybe go over to one of the Mideastern countries and watch as things get firebombed. You will soon see the reality of life and not the depersonalization that our society perpetuates. We have long ceased to be a society of people, but instead a society of things. The Paucity of Inner Experiences · by Karen Horney, M.D - believe writen in 1952 - Neither is the paucity of inner experiences restricted to the emotional life-feelings of pain, of joy, of hope, of disappointment, of likes or dislikes. It also includes thinking, willing, wishing, believing, doing. In short, it means living in a fog. Sound familiar.
> 
> My point being that you only experience your self in real time - when the sh*t is on the line, blood is pumping and and your heart is thumping - need not be 24/7 - just the awareness that this is what is outside your door.


''... Relevance?'' lol dude, he has a point. Its cool if you disagree but plz refrain from using foul language.

bTw, this thread has kinda been answered... I really dont see where you're going with all this.


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## johnmancini (Sep 14, 2012)

37F said:


> Go live in a third world country for about a year. Or, if not enough time for that, maybe go over to one of the Mideastern countries and watch as things get firebombed. You will soon see the reality of life and not the depersonalization that our society perpetuates. We have long ceased to be a society of people, but instead a society of things. The Paucity of Inner Experiences · by Karen Horney, M.D - believe writen in 1952 - Neither is the paucity of inner experiences restricted to the emotional life-feelings of pain, of joy, of hope, of disappointment, of likes or dislikes. It also includes thinking, willing, wishing, believing, doing. In short, it means living in a fog. Sound familiar.
> 
> My point being that you only experience your self in real time - when the sh*t is on the line, blood is pumping and and your heart is thumping - need not be 24/7 - just the awareness that this is what is outside your door.


dude. be quiet.


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## hailegreen (Sep 14, 2012)

37F said:


> Go live in a third world country for about a year. Or, if not enough time for that, maybe go over to one of the Mideastern countries and watch as things get firebombed. You will soon see the reality of life and not the depersonalization that our society perpetuates. We have long ceased to be a society of people, but instead a society of things. The Paucity of Inner Experiences · by Karen Horney, M.D - believe writen in 1952 - Neither is the paucity of inner experiences restricted to the emotional life-feelings of pain, of joy, of hope, of disappointment, of likes or dislikes. It also includes thinking, willing, wishing, believing, doing. In short, it means living in a fog. Sound familiar.
> 
> My point being that you only experience your self in real time - when the sh*t is on the line, blood is pumping and and your heart is thumping - need not be 24/7 - just the awareness that this is what is outside your door.


idiot lol


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## kanjibasa (Sep 14, 2012)

37F said:


> Go live in a third world country for about a year. Or, if not enough time for that, maybe go over to one of the Mideastern countries and watch as things get firebombed. You will soon see the reality of life and not the depersonalization that our society perpetuates. We have long ceased to be a society of people, but instead a society of things. The Paucity of Inner Experiences · by Karen Horney, M.D - believe writen in 1952 - Neither is the paucity of inner experiences restricted to the emotional life-feelings of pain, of joy, of hope, of disappointment, of likes or dislikes. It also includes thinking, willing, wishing, believing, doing. In short, it means living in a fog. Sound familiar.
> 
> My point being that you only experience your self in real time - when the sh*t is on the line, blood is pumping and and your heart is thumping - need not be 24/7 - just the awareness that this is what is outside your door.


dafuq does that have anything to do with what he said lol?

I dont have to loud talk tough guy. kanji is from those areas.


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## kanjibasa (Sep 14, 2012)

37F said:


> Well you have to think for your self once in a while dumbfuk


kanji doesnt like your attitude. Kanji would beat you in person. kanji dont like you.

Kanji needs help here. not insult. kanji report you.


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## riokid (Sep 8, 2012)

Dadude said:


> Meds are your LAST option. I cant stress this enough.


Thanks for the reply Dadude, Well I have had these feelings for 6 months straight and its very hard dealing with them. I have read a lot of horror stories that people have put up that they feel depersonalization, numbness and all this for many years..Its hard to think that I could be dealing with this for years. Is it possible for the mind to keep you in a numb a deadness state forever or do you personally think that this will go away?


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## riokid (Sep 8, 2012)

Dadude said:


> Im sorry to say that, like the rest of us, it might or might not take long.
> 
> The key is to reduce your anxiety. By doing so, you remove any reason for your brain to dissociate you.
> 
> I suggest psychotherapy.


another few things aswell dadude, Is it possible that by stressing about this all the time I could develop something or damage a certain area of the brain. You say reduce anxiety but I dnt feel anxious at all.


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## riokid (Sep 8, 2012)

Edwin said:


> Hi Riokid,
> DP/DR can have a physiological effect on the body but no brain damage will happen so don't worry about that. Also you have had a CT scan which ruled out any neurological problems so symptoms are psychological. There is no reason why they should not go away. But don't look for an over night cure there are not any. This is something that does not seem to go away very quickly. But the vast majority do recover in time with treatment like CBT therapy and meds.
> Regards
> Edwin


Thank you edwin..is it normal to have these symptoms 24/7 all the time..im scared because ive read horror stories that people have felt numb minded for life? what you think edwin?


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## riokid (Sep 8, 2012)

Edwin said:


> Well if you have a dissociative disorder yes it is normal to have these symptoms 24/7. I have had DPD for over four and half years now and I had these symptoms 24/7 for the best part of the years I have had DPD but I have learned to manage my symptoms through therapy and when my DP is particularly bad I take certain meds. It is extremely unlikely you will have these symptoms for life and its not worth worrying about having them for life it will only make things worse. I think if you see a psychiatrist or another mental health professional you will quickly get these symptoms under control, you will should see a significant improvement, but you wont get a quick a fix so it will take time but not too long hopefully. I personally cant't see a reason in your post that you wont fully recover.
> regards
> Edwin


I have a few questions for you Edwin in your own experience and opinion

Is it normal to feel numb minded and feel like a deadness and feel like a different person when you have depersonalization?

Can depersonalization be induced by any drug?

How did u develop DP?

Do I need to continue living life and stop worrying bout it all and it should all go away?

Is it possible to feel numb and deadness and DP for life?


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## riokid (Sep 8, 2012)

Edwin said:


> Yes it is normal to numb minded and feel like a deadness and like a different person when you have DP, its almost text book DP. And drugs are the biggest cause of depersonalization, but not to complicate things too much you may have been at a predisposition to developing a dissociative disorder and the drugs you took may have just triggered it, but from your first post I think the drugs are the cause alone of it. You should continue living life and stop worrying about it but off course these symptoms will affect your day to day life so you need to address them i don't think they will go away own there own they might but its unlikely, you should address with the help of a professional. To answer your last question it is possible to feel like this for life but highly unlikely again its not good to think your stuck with it for life, if you get professional help you wont be like this forever but again I really don't think desperately searching for a cure is going to help a lot of the so called cures I read about on the internet like certain supplements, the people who are claiming these to be a cure are not cured they are simply getting a placebo affect. Have you been to see a psychiatrist yet?


Yea well in previous years I have suffered from different types of trauma but I never suffered from any mental health issues after if you know what I mean, I was never affected. My depersonalization all started after the bad drug experience in march and has been 24/7 ever since and I am very scared that it wont go away but you sound confident that it will go away. I have been to a psychiatrist and was prescribed meds which are anti-depressant (Vensir XL). She doesnt really seem to know what it is, but Im very sure myself that it is DP. If I live life, doing normal things, stop obbsessing about it, stop researching internet and try to ignore it..should it go away in time or what do you think I need to do? I may also add that I have been to a clinical psychologist and he said that its nothing serious, he said that I have got myself into a cycle of dwelling on these feelings, worrying and obbsessing about them and creating them in my own mind and that all the negative thinking isnt helping either, but I find it hard to believe I just feel Im going to be stuck like this forever


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

Riokid, I have had DP for as long as I can remember and I think you'd be interested in knowing how I coped with it.

My approach to this was to ADAPT. By this, I mean that I take alternate approaches to get to the same place I would if I didnt have DP, in which case it would be easier.

For example, research shows that while DP shortens attention span, it also increases the ability to manipulate pre-existing information. This is a very important thing, especially for students so they can better gauge their strengths and weaknesses. In other words, as long as you learn the material, you wont have to worry about tricky questions.

Another example, I am less sociable now, so instead of being genuine around people (which would just isolate me more), I socially manipulate them to like me (which would have happened had I not had DP). This is a Machiavellian technique called ''fake charm''. This is very helpful if you want to maintain relationships, especially more important ones like with a boss, or a job interview.


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

Edwin said:


> I think this is the worst advice I have seen on this website to date this wont work in all situations and can cause more problems than fix. You can't socially manipulate everyone what if you wan't a long term realtionship?? you will have to be honest with a girl friend or close friends in maintaining a relationship. Machiavellian is not a technique it used to describe a dark triad personality trait and people with this trait are generally disliked because as the traits of Machiavellian are deception, manipulation and self centered and a desire to exploit others, what awful advice to give to someone suffering DP..


You have been gravely misinformed. Machiavellians are selfish. But what makes a machiavellian is the psychological techniques he uses to manipulate any social situation to his benefit, even at the cost of others. You are reffering to another technique called ''exploitation''. That is NOT what I suggested him to do.

Most people with DP already put on effective fronts in order to conform to social norms. This is also called ''fake charm''. Are you suggesting that ALL people with DP are machiavellians? I dont think so.

By the way, there are instances to any advice where the advice in question will not work. In this situation, its is, as you mentioned, long-term relationships.

You have also been misinformed on the account that machiavellians are disliked. The PERSONALITY is disliked but the individuals themselves are very liked. Why? Because you will never know a true machiavellian when you see one.

Think of Obama for example. Whether or not you agree with his policies, he uses ''fake charm'' in his speeches. Most politicians do, for that matter.

Bottom line: I advised him to use ''fake charm''. NOT ''exploitation''.


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## John_3_16 (Sep 18, 2012)

Jesus loves you.


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

... lol

I love how some idiot took his time to downvote all my comments from his other accounts.


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

odthanyou said:


> well he is really a sociopath - just doesn't cope bur beats off seeing his name in a forum like he he has something important to say. Really, just asshole who likes his picture to be seem. Gives himself a tug and rub, after each post.


hehe... you gave yourself away stupid.

I know you operate from multiple accounts. You joined yesterday... and decided to go specifically on my account, and checked all my posts... and decided to come back to this thread, ALL just to diss me?

Get real. Your accounts can downvote me.

But everyone knows that I have only stated facts. No more, no less. 
You think I give myself a tug and rub? Damn right I did. I have no reason to be ashamed of the truth.

You think Im a sociopath? Good thing you're not a doctor.


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