# "I am real...and this has been my life"



## free2Bme (Aug 20, 2010)

This is the phrase I have been whispering to myself over and over for the past couple of weeks. It feels like decades of emotional anesthesia have been gradually wearing off. Too early to tell if this is a *good thing* - mostly feels like I am going un-crazy (if that makes sense.)

In the past, I compartmentalized various aspects of myself as separate identities - now, these identities are starting to blend into one.

I don't quite know what to make of it! In one way, I don't think it is all that unusual as there sure seems to be a myriad information on the web about how so many folks operate on *auto-pilot*...just going through the motions of life etc.

One thing that I think I am doing differently is that I notice how other people *lead* their lives. Like, having goals and stuff as well as having a support system in place. Something that I am entertaining for the first time.

It is so embarrassing to admit _(even to myself)_ at my age, but I believe that I have had some form of arrested emotional development and that *frozen age* is pretty young.

Starting to challenge those automatic, negative belief systems about myself...to myself - and it feels really odd and strange. Makes me wonder...Who am I going to be....NOW? It is downright scary!!!!!

Has anyone else experienced something similar?


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## Joshu (Nov 10, 2011)

What you are describing is very familiar to me. It happened to me about 11 years ago - and I have to say that it happened when I was getting sober.

However, I do think it was more than getting sober - I think i also went through a bit of an integration which is what I see you describing here.

Questions: Has there been some 'triggering' event that caused this.

Did you ever consider that you were DID or DDNOS?

Please - do tell

J


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