# Feelings of being somewhere else?!



## BenCooper

About a month ago i smoked weed and that caused to have a panic attack and at the same time an extreme moment of derealization. Ever since then ive had a few panic attacks and have had generalized anxiety. There's this thing that i experience though which nobody else seems to have had experienced themselves and i feel really alone because of it. Basicly i feel asif im somewhere else sometimes but i actually feel the enviroment that im in like say if i felt like i was in Egypt now id see the colours of the yellow/creme sand and the sun and it's like i actually feel the colours and the vibes from the objects and sights and smells, i dont emotionally feel it like it's happy or sad. It's really hard to explain. It's alot like day dreaming but rather than just seeing and touching the enviroment i feel it aswel. I keep remembering random things from my past and then feel like im actually there. This is very disconcerting as i feel like im not where i actually am which is in my house or wherever else i really am in reality but i feel like im in these enviroments. Please please please reply if you feel anything like this! Thankyou.


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## babybowrain

I just had a HUGE complex flashback like that ten minutes ago that made me cry...


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## York

Hi, I think I know what you mean.. I haven't really heard about this symptom from others either. I felt like I was in my childhood, or my mothers house, for weeks on end, in the beginning of DP. I committed myself to a ward after 3 months as I was so freaked out. It actually helped, it seemed to break some connection in my brain. When I came back to my apartment, it didn't feel that way anymore, only like normal DP hell







It took me a while to recognize it as being the wrong reality, I sort of clung to it to try and get out of DP. I couldn't (CAN'T) remember what my life and reality was (IS) supposed to feel like.

My theory is that DP opens up your subconscious and you're in some sort of hypnotic trance. Smells and other sensory input just throws you backwards into old memories, and you can't "wake up". You wake up gradually as DP lessens and the doors of your mind finally closes again.

It's like DP is a defense mechanism that 1: shuts off emotions to protect you from pain or drama 2: opens up your inner archive to explore for solutions to perceived threat.

Trying to find biological explanations is what keeps me going..


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## Surfingisfun001

Hi Ben. Thanks for sharing this symptom. I feel like I am eternally stuck in the place where I was when my dp/dr first began. It feels like I am mentally in a different time/place/dimension than where my physical body is.

I'm not sure if this a flashback like j4mtj described or something else. To me it feels like being mentally in a different dimension of reality other than where I am physically yet I have an awareness of both of these places.


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## York

surfingisfun001 said:


> Hi Ben. Thanks for sharing this symptom. I feel like I am eternally stuck in the place where I was when my dp/dr first began. It feels like I am mentally in a different time/place/dimension than where my physical body is.
> 
> I'm not sure if this a flashback like j4mtj described or something else. To me it feels like being mentally in a different dimension of reality other than where I am physically yet I have an awareness of both of these places.


Me too, I know what you mean. The constant flash-back went away, but I still have flashbacks of a different nature. 
I sort of feel like I'm younger or something too, like I went back to an earlier version of me. And I have trouble feeling feminine, like I'm just this thing..


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## Surfingisfun001

york said:


> Me too, I know what you mean. The constant flash-back went away, but I still have flashbacks of a different nature.
> I sort of feel like I'm younger or something too, like I went back to an earlier version of me. And I have trouble feeling feminine, like I'm just this thing..


What made the flashback go away? What kind of flashbacks do you get now?


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## York

I had this constant feeling of a different reality, as I said, and once I realized that wasn't what my real reality was supposed to feel like (after almost 4 months of total confusion and anxiety Hell), I thought maybe I could trick my brain into losing the feeling if I went away from my home for a while. And it worked, it was linked to the place I'd had the breakdown. I had to get out of the situation, and when I came back home after a month, of course my brain couldn't conjure up that dream again, as it wasn't real. Connection broken and new pathways made I guess.

Now I have flashbacks like if I smell something or see something that reminds me of a dream or a childhood memory, I get pulled into that memory and have difficulties telling what is me NOW and what is me only in memory. It doesn't last, and I've finally figured out the benzo's I still take are contributing to me getting them in a big way. Realizing that took away some of the fear of it, and that in itself made it better. Which makes no sense, but that's how it is. Getting better is a mixture of fooling your brain into building healthy connections by filling up on things you like, and convincing your subconscious you are safe (and the ways it will be convinced is in my experience a mystery you'll suddenly just stumble upon the solution to).

I sometimes wonder if that first initial dream state where I thought things were really supposed to feel like my old house must have been some sort of psychosis, but if more people have it, it must be a symptom of dp or a nervous breakdown of sorts. Id did use to get better if I took benzo's at first, like I was so full of adrenaline I was dissociating from it, and being calmer "woke me up". In my experience dreams are found at both ends of the consciousness scale, when you're really relaxed you start to dream, and when you're super stressed out you also feel separation fro the physical world and start to fantasize. It's actually quite a helpful image to cling onto when things get rough. It's helped me think that I can always become more relaxed and I'll feel more connected, it's just a brain rule.

Ok, sorry for that lengthy reply








*ADD REPLY* *MAKE CALMING CUP OF TEA*


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## Surfingisfun001

It sounds like these 'flashbacks' are some form of obsessive day dreaming, am I right in saying that? Come to think of it before I had dp I remember obsessively day dreaming of another place/reality. It's like in my head I was living in another place other than the here and now. I was dissociating though not DP'd. I could control it and move my attention to the present reality if I chose to. With DP it's like being trapped in that day dream. In response to your post before this one I also feel like I have reverted into a more immature psyche and have trouble feeling masculine. I wonder what this is and what it indicates. Why it's here.

No worries about the length of the post. What kind of tea did you drink?


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## York

I think it was "forrest fruits" or something.. Which isn't fruits at all, but berries.. Thanks for asking









The flashbacks aren't obsessive daydreaming, I know what that is.. I've always been daydreaming a LOT, I love video games still, and books, everything that takes me somewhere else. I've always created characters and worlds in my head, but I've tried to call it writer's brain to myself, so I wouldn't feel so crazy..

The flashbacks are something I've never experienced before in my life, it's like real dreaming, and it's impossible to know what is real or who you really are. Just like when you're asleep. It's often a sickening feeling of a dream that comes over me, and it just sticks.
The more dp'd I am the worse it is. Just recently I discovered I'd gotten enough of my true feeling of self back to be able to pull myself out of it to a certain degree. I can't explain it, it's like I'm a horrible mixture of past and present me's.


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## Surfingisfun001

do you feel like this?


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## York

Oh, and yeah, it's weird we have that symptom of being more immature. It used to be really bad, I felt like I was twelve or something, I felt like I reacted differently to stuff and felt stupid and awkward around my boyfriend. It's gotten better but I'm still not the woman/mother I used to feel like. It must be the broken connection to the people around you or something.. It's the only explanation I have, as sometimes my self comes back for a second and then I instantly feel love and connection to the world as well..


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## York

surfingisfun001 said:


> do you feel like this?


Yes, exactly, only I've shaved off my mustache for summer.


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## Surfingisfun001

york said:


> Yes, exactly, only I've shaved off my mustache for summer.


lol good move


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## Detached

I've been suffering from Depersonalisation since August 2009 and can relate to the 'flashbacks' that are being talked about here.

For me, it's probably one of the most scary symptoms of DP.

When these flashbacks come, for me they are not like 'normal' memories - it's like you're reliving them again, even though they may have happend many years ago.

I've even had them in my dreams.

They seem to just pop up from nowhere and are so vivid, sometimes triggered by something or sometimes not, and it gives me the feeling that I'm not in the present if that makes any sense. It's as if I'm living in some sort of timewarp.

I don't know about anyone else, but I can't remember what I did yesterday, yet these flashbacks are so clear it just plain frightning, and makes things even more confusing.

And I note with interest york's comment on the symptom of feeling more immature.

I feel very much like a child since having DP. I don't know about anyone else, but it's as if my entire adult life has vanished. By that I can't seem to connect to it, and the best way to describe it is that it feels as if I've lost my memory.

It'a all very strange and puzzling.


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## Surreal_Life

York, I can relate, I think. Like I will have long periods when I feel 10, or 6. I remember random images and feelings from that period. It's hard to explain. I know rationally I am 25 but the "vibe" in my head and my sense of self is like I am 10, or whatever age. Yes, emotionally it's like your adult life and sense of self got erased, and you've gone back in time somehow, and you're back to being a kid before you really had a self.

Weird.


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## BenCooper

Hey guys, thankyou so much for replying, you've all really helped cause i thought i was on my own in this but i know now that im not which comforts me in a way and i can imagine this going away alot easier now. But yeah, i sort of get it's kinda like a day dream but you dont dream it up, your subconscious does, it takes you back to a memory whether it be a memory of a dream that you've had or a memory that you've had in waking life either way it's quite frightening especially when you cant pinpoint exactly when the memory but yet you still know you've been there before, similar to deja vu but not quite. In heinsight it doesnt seem so bad but when it's actually happenin you're like oh yeah shit, this again, sort of like when you're having a panic attack but it helps if you stop trying to cling onto the sense of reality that you had before because you just can't remember where being where you was like before actually felt like so you've just gotta let go and embrace the strange strange moment that you're experiencing. Thanks again anyway guys


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## sacredrealm

Oh ow I have this problem too. Flash backs arnt such a problem for me, if they're flash backs of GOOd things/feelings. But of course not when its te opposite.

But yeah the most annoying thing fo me sometimes is not being able to get rid of a feeling of a place quickley. Like if ive been somewhere, I dont feel there at the time really. But then afterwards I can feel as if I'm stuck in that previous place, in some way. Like you can fully feel where you are NOW haha.


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