# New to Blank Mind, Need some encouragement.



## blankxi (Dec 11, 2020)

Hi guys, I'm new to dpselfhelp and am feeling desperate. Let me give a little backstory.

I'm 25 yrs old now, and when I was 17 i did acid/smoked weed with a few not-so-good people. the trip itself wasn't necessarily bad, but when i woke up the next day I felt like i was in a dream. i also realized i wasn't having any thoughts. I was unable to daydream or see anything with my minds eye, which before I was an EXTREMELY visual thinker. This triggered my very first panic attack/psychotic episode. I felt like my brain broke, and suddenly i felt nothing. For years after this i suffered from panic attacks and depersonalization episodes, but i started to get better up until about 2 months ago. I was doing great actually. my panic attacks were basically gone, and i felt grounded in myself. But then i started working overtime on top of being a college student, and i'm assuming this caused my current blank state. It happened almost the same way. Except this time i went out drinking with some friends, and the next day i woke up and my mind was blank.

I'm feeling extremely suicidal because of this. I went through SO much the past 8 yrs getting over my depersonalization, and now this. I just feel like i can't take it anymore. I know some people have recovered from blank mind, but i worry that it's different for me. I can't help but feel hopeless. A i guess i'm coming on here to hopefully hear some of your recovery stories. And if you haven't recovered, at least tell me how you manage to stay alive. Give me hope, please.


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

what is blank mind?


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## Findmywayhome (Oct 11, 2020)

blankxi said:


> Hi guys, I'm new to dpselfhelp and am feeling desperate. Let me give a little backstory.
> 
> I'm 25 yrs old now, and when I was 17 i did acid/smoked weed with a few not-so-good people. the trip itself wasn't necessarily bad, but when i woke up the next day I felt like i was in a dream. i also realized i wasn't having any thoughts. I was unable to daydream or see anything with my minds eye, which before I was an EXTREMELY visual thinker. This triggered my very first panic attack/psychotic episode. I felt like my brain broke, and suddenly i felt nothing. For years after this i suffered from panic attacks and depersonalization episodes, but i started to get better up until about 2 months ago. I was doing great actually. my panic attacks were basically gone, and i felt grounded in myself. But then i started working overtime on top of being a college student, and i'm assuming this caused my current blank state. It happened almost the same way. Except this time i went out drinking with some friends, and the next day i woke up and my mind was blank.
> 
> I'm feeling extremely suicidal because of this. I went through SO much the past 8 yrs getting over my depersonalization, and now this. I just feel like i can't take it anymore. I know some people have recovered from blank mind, but i worry that it's different for me. I can't help but feel hopeless. A i guess i'm coming on here to hopefully hear some of your recovery stories. And if you haven't recovered, at least tell me how you manage to stay alive. Give me hope, please.


What is your evidence that you are different from the people who have recovered from blank mind? Also, you recovered from it before, what makes you think you won't again?

I've read posts on here about people who have recovered from seemingly unsurmountable things. Blank mind is certainly no exception.

Personally, I haven't recovered. In fact Im very new to this. Im 16 and I got it three months ago after a bout of depression and anxiety. I feel like my case is DPDR in its purest form. What I mean by that is I hardly have any comorbid symptoms. My depression could be a lot worse, my anxiety is minimal for the most part, and my cognitive impairment isn't too bad either. For me, I just have super severe dissociation. Of course I think it is severe compared to other cases, but I could be wrong.

Ultimately this disorder has just made me become super lazy and anti social. It physically pains me to talk to my family because they feel so damn unfamiliar. And looking at the world is still quite scary. Other than that though, I live I guess. Sometimes I wake up and I just don't wanna open my eyes, but I get on with the day and I survive. What keeps me going is the hope that one day my DPDR won't bother me anymore, or even better it goes away.

Each second that you are alive you are winning the battle. Just keep pushing and you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel again. Best of luck


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