# Heeyyyyy (I need advise)



## kailandor (Dec 22, 2017)

Yo, my name is Robin (but a lot of people call me by my middle name Kailand) and I'm very new to forums, so I've probably messed up somehow already haha. I'm still a teenager. Unlike a lot of people on here I don't have much experiance, and that's why I'm here, I guess.

Everything's been happening all at once recently. My dp and dr symptoms have been getting worse just in time for Christmas, my parents have been trying to get me a diagnosis of asperger's, and it's very tense in my family because I'm closeted transgender (Robin/Kailand isn't my legal name... yet!). My parent kinda know, they think I'm a lesbian, but it's stressful for me and them because they like to blame it on my autism. They mean no harm, they just don't really know what to do, they're really trying.

I would normally go to a certain friend to talk to, but somehow, I don't know, she suddenly just hates me and ignores me. I don't know why, and that also sucks too. I can't go to my other friends because I'm worried that they'll think dp is 'fake' and that 'I'm'trying to be Dodie Clark'. I know I'm overreacting, but I'm paranoid about it happening anyway.

To top it all off, last night my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a nice, friendly breakup, and we will still be friends, but I'm still trying to processs it and it's quite hard. It's gonna be awkward, and honestly it just happened at the wrong time. It's nobodies fault.

There's a lot more, but I'm not gonna go into it. That's the basic gist.

Christmas is going to be very VERY busy. I'm completely numb when I need to feel something, and I feel too much at the worst times. Right now I'm very emotional, and I'm very stuck cause I don't really have anyone to talk to for support and advise. My mind's really busy and I just really want a rest. Like a 'mind rest', if that exists. I just wanna chill without having to worry about all of this because it's draining. Any ideas on how to achieve that? I don't know, just something to calm my anxiety, until I'm ready to face it or something.

This might be too long, I have no clue. But I just found this website and saw an opportunity to get help from people who also have dp and dr. So... yeah.


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## kailandor (Dec 22, 2017)

Thank you for the advise c:

I might try to read more often for a distraction, I have a book to finish. We'll see if it works!

And as for the transgender issue... I very much appreciate your concern, and I will look into it definitely, but I won't be legally changing my gender or having a sex change any time soon. I've got a lot of time to think about it and I've been feeling that way for a very long time already, but thank you. I will not rush the decision and I'll make sure it's what I really want.

Cheers!


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## Erika (Aug 10, 2017)

Dealing with a child that is mentally ill can be very exhausting for parents. Some have so much trouble figuring out how to act that they just go into denial. Others expect their children to will themselves out of it.
If your parents are typically understanding and accepting of LGBT people, maybe you should tell them more about what you're experiencing with regards to your gender identity. If you have Asperger's Syndrome, then know that it correlates to gender dysphoria. Many people with gender identity disorder also have autism. This disorder affects females to a lesser extent than males (1:4 f:m ratio) but when it does show up in a girl it tends to make her think and behave in a more "masculine" manner. There's even an extreme male brain theory about Asperger's (look it up). So your parents may be right that it is your Asperger's that is causing your gender issues.

The good news is that you don't have to undergo a sex change to feel more like yourself. Current medical procedures don't yield satisfactory results except for the most severe cases where the person is extremely distressed and the descision is between change and die. The procedures make most people barely even pass as their target gender. In order to express your male side you can just begin to dress in men's clothes, be more open minded to activities you would've never imagined yourself doing because they are more commonly associated with men, etc. But don't feel pressured to be manly or to act a certain way. Rather, take this as a chance to learn more about yourself outside the constraints of social norms and to express feminine and masculine sides of yourself.


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