# Just found out my girlfriend has it.



## Ebsworth (Nov 1, 2007)

I've been dating this amazing girl for 2 months now, but lately her behavior has been really odd and I didn't really know why. At first I thought it was just plain old anxiety, but then she would just vanish and reappear 3 days later with no explanation. She did this twice in one month! I was worried sick!
At first I thought she might be cheating on me, but last week she broke down at breakfast and told me that she has Depersonalization Disorder. Those days she disappeared she was actually just home, not taking calls and not leaving her house. She said she was having an episode or something, and had to be alone in bed with no outside contact because she was afraid. Of what I'm not sure, other people judging her? Herself? I really don't know...
I didn't know anything about this disorder until she brought it up to me last week. This is weird to ask I guess, but is anyone else in my boat? That is, has anyone dated anyone with this? I just want to know that it's not impossible. i keep telling her I'll be there for her but it freaks her out and makes her feel guilty.
Christ, I have no idea what to do.


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## zoie (Oct 29, 2007)

How long has she had DP/DR? The episodes can be sooooo scary and when I first started experiencing it I was scared to go outside. I am married and my husband knew me before all of this started happening. He says that I act the same as I did before, except all of the anxiety and my recent bout with depression. Anyway, I guess what I am getting at is that you may be just what she needs. My husband is my "safe" person. Meaning that he knows what I am going through and has a good understanding of it. He read "Feeling Unreal" the book on DP/DR with me and that has given him a little more insight. When we are at the store or something (public places usually make me feel really detached and no matter how many times you go through it , it is always kinda scary) I can tell my husband that I am feeling bad and he is like my support system and gets me through whatever we are doing. Anyway, what your girlfriend is going through is scary and very hard for other people to understand. It is awesome that you came here to learn more about it. Maybe you could be that "safe" person for her and help her to get through her episodes al little bit easier. Just a thought.


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## ohelp (May 22, 2007)

it's INCREDIBLY hard to understand this disorder if you have never experienced it yourself, i admire you for putting up with this. at times her behavior might seem slightly odd so it's very important not to push her, she'll know when she's having a bad day/week, so don't get mad if she's shutting herself away. reading up more about this condition can definitely help.


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## Revelation_old (Aug 9, 2004)

Ebsworth, this site was started because I was in the same boat. If you have any questions on how to deal with it, feel free to PM or e-mail me (revelation [at] dpselfhelp.com).

I am an "expert" when it comes to your situation. I've been through the worst but am now enjoying her 90% recovery.


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## Ebsworth (Nov 1, 2007)

Thanks for all of the replies, it's been infinitely helpful - I don't even know how to thank you all. I'm doing as much research as I can, I want to know more, but the more I learn absolutely breaks my heart. Wikipedia said something to the effect of it feeling like you're going crazy even though you aren't, and from what she told me that the pain is often physical, not just emotional. Jesus, is it really like that? 
When she disappeared from the middle of a dinner we were having with some of my friends, (literally, she just got up and walked out without an explanation and didn't end up resurfacing for 3 days), I was humiliated, I actually called her up and yelled at her for being insensitive and rude. This was before I knew, I had no idea about the depersonalization thing or that she was having an episode (is that what they're called?). Now I read contact with new people, especially larger groups during an attack, feels like dying. I feel like I just cut my girlfriend and yelled at her about it. I'm such a f-ing prick. I can't believe I yelled at her...
She doesn't even know I'm on here, she doesn't even know I've been reading up on it. She hasn't mentioned a word about it since she first told me last week, but I can tell she feels guilty because I'm worried. Guilty! I swear to God...

Sorry for the rant. I just don't know what to do and I feel helpless. I do have an actual question, is this the kind of disorder where you need to be alone when it gets bad? The internet says contact with others during this is painful. So do I try and hold her when she's upset, or just leave her alone when she hurts. I'm lost and blind. Either way seems un-forgivingly cruel.


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## zoie (Oct 29, 2007)

Contact with others is painful. Like today for instance I had a lunch/shopping day with my mother-in-law. She is aware of my experiences but none the less we were at lunch in a restaurant and I felt like at any moment I was going to go crazy or something, I felt so out of body and it is the most terribly uncomfortable experience BUT being with other people although it raises my anxiety temporarily, will be what eventually gets me through it (this is my belief). Like I said before she may be much more comfortable and likely to get out of the house if she if with someone who understands and someone who she can turn to and say "hey I'm not feeling so hot right now." I get very anxious and my symptoms are worse if I am with someone who doesn't know and if I am feeling bad and having to try to act like everything is ok. Also I don't know if she is on any meds but during some of my really bad episodes I take 1/2 a xanax to kind of slow everything down, it reuces my anxiety and the symptoms get better (not gone but better). You should check out the book "feeling unreal" it would give you great insight. Anyway she might feel ten times better just knowing she can talk to you when she is not feeling good, you should let her know that!


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## ohelp (May 22, 2007)

Ebsworth said:


> I do have an actual question, is this the kind of disorder where you need to be alone when it gets bad? The internet says contact with others during this is painful.


i agree with ShannonJ, both dealing with an episode and putting on a mask for everyone else around you gets tiring, so i'd rather be alone when it gets bad. you literally feel like you're going to completely lose it any minute, which increases anxiety, which increases dp. it's a vicious circle.


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## Ebsworth (Nov 1, 2007)

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the guidance. Unfortunately however, I was just dumped. She said she felt too guilty putting someone else through her episodes, and it hurts her to have support. She wants to do all of this alone. Sadly, there's nothing I can do - though my God I wish I could.
Guess this will be my last post. Take care everyone, I wish you well.


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