# I literally "feel" NOTHING, anyone else?



## Mattakriptic (Feb 25, 2017)

Hello, I'm not sure if this falls into the category of DP/DR but I've noticed some post on this forum with similar situations and symptoms, so for the past couple of months I literally feel nothing at all.. like NOTHING, not just emotions but practically EVERY type of feeling a person is supposed to feel, I don't, just pure nothingness every second, everyday, no matter what I do, like I've actually lost my soul.

To put it in a little more detail of exactly of everything I don't feel (Which I can promise you is everything) - I'll list examples, for instance:

-As soon as I wake up, I don't even feel tired or awake, nor do I feel as if I had a good or bad rest

-Don't even have a feel of what specific day it is, so I can't even say it feels like a Monday etc

-Eat breakfast, don't even have a preference of what exactly to eat, so I can't even say "I 'feel' like eating a specific type of food

-After having a shower, don't have a sense or 'feel' fresh/clean

-I don't 'feel' like making music, let alone doing anything else

-Go for a skate and bomb down a hill, nearly fall off and skid but NO sense or feeling of fear whatsoever

-Watch a gory scene on T.V, No sense of disgust

-I've even lost sense of time, I literally don't feel if anything is long or short, it's all the same to me now (For example car rides, a 3 hour drive is technically long, but I don't FEEL as if it is.

-Walking towards the bus stop, check the time and notice I only have a minute to make it there, no feeling or urge to rush over

-Riding on a packed train, don't even 'feel' like the carriage is packed

-Going to 3 hour lectures of Law, no feelings of boredom

-Uncle announces his having a new child, no feeling of joy, excitement, or happiness

-Dropped my laptop, no sense of worry or urge to check if it's damaged or broken

-NO sense of enjoyment regardless of what hobby I'm doing, this includes skateboarding, making music, hanging out with friends and or family

-I've even lost my natural sense of rhythm/tempo (Yes, as in Music wise)

-No 'natural' thoughts going through my head and EVERY action I do is forced.

As you can probably tell by now, this is FAR beyond not being able to feel emotions and moods, this is literally not being to able to feel any type of feeling existent, I know I listed specific scenarios but the true reality of it is this is just how it is for me ALL THE TIME regardless of what I do and NOTHING seems to help.

So to basically to sum it up NOTHING makes me feel ANYTHING and I literally can't say "I Feel like *Insert whatever here* because it's pure nothingness, was just posting here to see if Anyone is living with this hell as well? Like a lot of us in this forum, we in desperate need of a miracle, my only hope is that it's literally got something to do with our 'souls' (You don't have to believe we have one) so what I've been and most likely will continue to do is attend church and pray, let me know if you'd like me to pray for you as well, regardless of what belief you have.


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Hi sorry you're dealing with this hell too i can relate to some of what your wrote the second thing on your list that you cant feel what day it is ive always got this ,the no sense of enjoyment yes me to , the not feeling anything when something has happened you mentioned uncle is having another child i to am lacking normal feelings like this. And i also feel like everything im doing us forced but i describe it as a act i go about life like a robot i also dont feel human. Sucks big time are you taking any medication or therapy


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## Ianar (Oct 31, 2015)

I have all your symptoms.


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

Yes. I'm no longer alive.


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## alnadine20 (Oct 22, 2014)

Yes everything u described and more. Im going through the same exact thing. My soul left my body. Literally.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

This is the essence of DP....

To feel NUMB

To feel NOTHINGNESS

To feel like its NEVERENDING

Ive often sat there thinking you could plunge a knife into my back and I would feel no pain....

Ive often sat at funerals of close loved ones wondering why are they all crying, basically feeling emotionless...NUMB to the pain of grief....

I often looked at my ex wife and thought....I cannot feel love for you.....Not because I didnt care about her, because I lost touch with the feeling of love...

Over time DP takes the chronic anxiety and panic inside us and stuffs us into a neutral zone of nothingness with the ability to feel NOTHING...I actually dont know which is worse to be honest.....


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Yepp, 100% relateable. I've been like that for a LOONG time...you don't even wanna know.

Luckily i'm in a better place today, after starting meds, therapy, and creating healthy habits in my life, as well as knowing my triggers & boosts as i like to call it. A key component has been patience and sort of waiting it out, focusing on the moment (playing video games, school work, socializing etc..). Time experience is still distorted, as i'm typing this, it's right over midnight and friday has come, even tho it feels like monday just started. But at least i'm not scared or disturbed by it anymore, it's actually kind of funny.

I'm confident i will be 95-100% cured one day, i can feel myself coming closer and closer every day. Small steps like 0,1% everyday. But i'm confident that i'll get there, and i think you will too as long as you keep going


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

I dont think I really relate to that. I often feel like playing video games, I really enjoy playing. I often feel like eating japanese food, my favorite food. When I thought my cat had desappeared, i cried, i felt very sad. I really like him. I often feel like getting away from the presence of some people, or getting close to some people. I often feel like just having fun and making some stupid joke, often its not very funny. I also have started college, and i feel many things sometimes in a matter of a minute, i will feel anxious, lonely, nothiing, then anxious again, then amused, then distracted with some thought, then back again to the present momment, then nothing, then i may feel bored, or even interested depending on the class. I also feel frustrated at times, angry, excited.. oh ye, i also feel sexual feelings for women, quite a lot, but not as much as some of my friends

But i can say for sure, that I FEEL much less then i used to when i was a teen, and even more from when was a kid. I can say my feelings are much less now..

So maybe we have degrees of numbness? I mean, I think i'm not the oonly one who feel they relate to DP/DR but still has feelings?


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

Fesh said:


> I dont think I really relate to that. I often feel like playing video games, I really enjoy playing. I often feel like eating japanese food, my favorite food. When I thought my cat had desappeared, i cried, i felt very sad. I really like him. I often feel like getting away from the presence of some people, or getting close to some people. I often feel like just having fun and making some stupid joke, often its not very funny. I also have started college, and i feel many things sometimes in a matter of a minute, i will feel anxious, lonely, nothiing, then anxious again, then amused, then distracted with some thought, then back again to the present momment, then nothing, then i may feel bored, or even interested depending on the class. I also feel frustrated at times, angry, excited.. oh ye, i also feel sexual feelings for women, quite a lot, but not as much as some of my friends
> 
> But i can say for sure, that I FEEL much less then i used to when i was a teen, and even more from when was a kid. I can say my feelings are much less now..
> 
> So maybe we have degrees of numbness? I mean, I think i'm not the oonly one who feel they relate to DP/DR but still has feelings?


You sound totally normal, honestly.


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## dissociative12 (Mar 1, 2017)

Fesh said:


> I dont think I really relate to that. I often feel like playing video games, I really enjoy playing. I often feel like eating japanese food, my favorite food. When I thought my cat had desappeared, i cried, i felt very sad. I really like him. I often feel like getting away from the presence of some people, or getting close to some people. I often feel like just having fun and making some stupid joke, often its not very funny. I also have started college, and i feel many things sometimes in a matter of a minute, i will feel anxious, lonely, nothiing, then anxious again, then amused, then distracted with some thought, then back again to the present momment, then nothing, then i may feel bored, or even interested depending on the class. I also feel frustrated at times, angry, excited.. oh ye, i also feel sexual feelings for women, quite a lot, but not as much as some of my friends
> But i can say for sure, that I FEEL much less then i used to when i was a teen, and even more from when was a kid. I can say my feelings are much less now..
> So maybe we have degrees of numbness? I mean, I think i'm not the oonly one who feel they relate to DP/DR but still has feelings?


Yes I do still have some feelings but very muted. Mostly its the good emotions that I have lost. Anger and feeling fed up is definitely still there.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Hey OP. Just putting out there what made me not numb while I was on it - Mirtazapine. Not saying this will or won't work but sharing is caring.. was on it for 4 months and it made me sing along to music like i hadn't done in well a long time. (I actually recall singing Kama Police after a gig in my car and feeling so alive).

Not sure how much it helps the other symptoms but emotions for me it defiantly helped big time and it defiantly made me happy regardless of the situation (too happy). Btw I actually hated it for 3 months before it started to work (and get past feeling terrible). Although it is not a DP cure or at least i haven't heard it completely working, it made ME feel and on it I went from 24/7 searcher for answers and focusing on the condition to just living again. Just an avenue to explore as are any recommendation YMMV.

Just incase you are wondering why I am not on it, it actually was a big part in revealing my bipolar 2. So numb again, but now that I know it's possible to feel, my shrink has said he doesn't want to put me on it again but we both came up with Lamotrigine which is commonly used on this forum for DP and has antidepressant qualities so hopefully it has a similar effect. We will find out...

Also I believe you still have tempo, I had this same worry. I found out it's how you are processing it.. i'll explain. I have bad DP and still gig as a drummer, at the start I felt disconnected from the beat but my friend actually taught me basic CBT to overcome the feeling, in my case instead of focusing on all the things such as two feet and two hands going independently essentially overloading my brain and listening etc, I just focused on one thing and let it come naturally, so in my case i forgot about everything else and played the whole gig thinking about my bass drum, was pretty surprised that it worked. I dunno if you play, but say if you are clapping just let the motion do it, stop thinking about it and see how you get on. Just an idea.

Eddy do you still feel like this or have you regained some emotions?


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## Mattakriptic (Feb 25, 2017)

allison84 said:


> Hi sorry you're dealing with this hell too i can relate to some of what your wrote the second thing on your list that you cant feel what day it is ive always got this ,the no sense of enjoyment yes me to , the not feeling anything when something has happened you mentioned uncle is having another child i to am lacking normal feelings like this. And i also feel like everything im doing us forced but i describe it as a act i go about life like a robot i also dont feel human. Sucks big time are you taking any medication or therapy


It truly is like I'm a robot, that's literally run out of battery - As for therapy, not really but I've been taking Risperidone and Fluoxetine for the past few months, unfortunately with no positive results, matter of fact no reslutls at all.


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