# I feel horrendous



## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I am sorry if this is the first thing that you read, but I feel as close to death as possible.

I started taking 25mg of naltrexone last night and I feel as sick as a dog, which does not help.

I just want a way out of this fucking nightmare now, I have completely and utterly had enough. The naltrexone was given to me by my doctor to help with my addiction but he said that if that does not work then we can try amisulpiride.

I feel like parts of "me" are totally missing or absent. I was lying awake in bed just starting at the ceiling....it fees like I could stare for hours and do nothing.

I am seeing my doctor in 4 weeks but if I feel totally sick off the naltrexone then I could try to get a message passed onto him that I feel awful on it and see what happens. I have trouble feeling that I am pestering people too much sometimes.


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## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

Please continue with your life, i had half a year when i thought i can't cope anymore, also didn't have my whole body, not only parts, i came out of it, you'll find your way as well. The first experience with other antidepressants was the worst, but i found mine. Remember that you are not alone! Just go through this, you may find an answer later! I'm with you!


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

I've been exactly where you are right now. I cna say 100% that i have gotten better, and the days actually moves forward instead of slipping away into the nothingness wondering if they happened at all. i'm still struggling, no doubt. But i have moved from "death state" where you are now, into something actually manageable and somewhat comfortable. Just keep going


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

well done for getting out of the death state. how did you do that? i am as close to dying as possible int he greatest pain ever. i keep thinking about drinking a poison and having an assisted death, things like that.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

I hear ya man! Medications was the turning point for me. Along with blind belief, that somehow, some way, against all odds i'll start getting better. I had actually sort of given up, but yet i was just here exisiting, sort of waiting it out. Going on walks, watching entertaining tv shows etc...I just didnt have what it takes to finish myself off.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Sorry to hear that. I second what Pondererererer says, getting on a good long term medication will really help even if it doesn't seem like it right now. You just need to balance out, and you will get there in the end. It won't get rid of all the crappy symptoms entirely but you'll at least be able to cope on a day to day basis. All you need to do for the time being is work on taking out the really major dips, and meds can help you with that.


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## andcrew (Dec 8, 2016)

I don't know what is wrong with me but every medication I try(different kinds of ADs) I get the same result. after 2 or 3 days my mind becomes blanker I start losing it even more. I can't focus on anything I can't do anything at all. Does it happen to anyone else or it is just me. Also I get this headache in the back of my head which is crap.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

andcrew said:


> I don't know what is wrong with me but every medication I try(different kinds of ADs) I get the same result. after 2 or 3 days my mind becomes blanker I start losing it even more. I can't focus on anything I can't do anything at all. Does it happen to anyone else or it is just me. Also I get this headache in the back of my head which is crap.


This is really common with meds, and I tried many before I got on the right ones. A lot of people here have wound up trying 5, 10, sometimes even 20 different meds before finding suitable ones that didn't give them horrible side effects. The tough part is getting up the will to keep trying after you've had a dud, and to persevere through the first month or two before the newest one has built up in your system long enough for you to feel relief. This can be a really difficult time to get through when all you want is to feel some kind of reprieve, and quickly.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I'm going through that right now, but i don't know if naltrexone is the right med for me. it has taken me a few hours to write this sentence.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

DP/DR, a blank mind, pain so bad that is feels like my mind is literally snapping like pieces of metal, cravings from my sex addiction to engage in homosexual activities. i really do want to put my head in from of a shotgun and pull it. all afternoon i have tried to off myself but i can't do it. this is so supremely fucked up, i feel like ripping up religious books. so much for help from God.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I can't kill myself although I would be absolutely elated if I die in my sleep and wake up somewhere else with the chance to live another beautiful life.

Philiopshically, is it worth living a life on unbearable suffering and pain? What do you guys think?..


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## mind.divided (Jul 2, 2015)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> I can't kill myself although I would be absolutely elated if I die in my sleep and wake up somewhere else with the chance to live another beautiful life.
> 
> Philiopshically, is it worth living a life on unbearable suffering and pain? What do you guys think?..


You will get over this one day! remember that


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I just want to die and somebody to put me out of my misery. I can't take this


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