# How bad is your mental torment?



## nowhereboy (Sep 28, 2011)

Im like, constantly stuck in thought. I no longer feel like a person, more a conciouness floating around some strange body. How bad does it get for you? I know its probly the nature of the illness but i always feel like ive got it worse than everyone else and that im deffinatly going crazy. Ive batteld with this for about 5 or 6 months. Im not always major DP`ed but im always stuck in my head.

My biggest fear at the minute is the random thoughts and words that just pop up into my mind. I just keep thinking stupid words that make no sense, like all the time. It used to happen realy bad before bed which i know is normal. Its caused alot of anxiety and made me focus on my thoughts more through the day. Now im at a point where im unsure if their happening because im thinking/worrying about it happening, or if i actually have no control over them at all. Its awfull, today has been a particularly bad day for this, an inner battle from morning till now. I searched on here for a few similar topics and found Jayd was having the same problems months ago. If your still on here mate id love to hear from you.

I also over analyize everything to the point were i can barley understand whats going on around me. Im Super aware of all my thoughts and almost feel slightly detatched from them. As if i am an observer of everything. I subconciously watch everything i do, say and think, checking for somthing to prove im loosing it.

I thought i was getting better for ages, infact for a few weeks i 100% belived i was going to be fine. Im back to square one again today, finding it hard belive this is just anxiety/dp. Some reassuring words could be used right now people....


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

I definitely feel for you. I can remember when I was like this for a looong time. What helped me? Meditation, grounding techniques, journaling (lots and lots of journaling), but mostly? Medication. Medication was really the only thing that made a big difference. The first time I saw that seemingly insignificant stream of detached thoughts that ran through my mind go away was when I started Lamictal. Literally in about 3 days my mind cleared up like it had just had a bad cold and needed antibiotic. My mind would still race a lot but it was SO MUCH better, and the thoughts no longer felt so detached. Finally when I added Zoloft to the Lamictal, Ive had the most mental peace than Ive had in 11 months. I still struggle with DP, and feelings, and all that crap. But my mind finally has a break.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

hey I'm mentioned in your post!









I'm still here so feel free to talk to me any time.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Btw, if you call it torment, it's going to seem worse


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## SSJ3Lotokun (Nov 21, 2011)

I feel like I could respond with "I know that feel bro" to half the topics posted here. Pretty much everything the OP stated resonated with how I feel much of the time.

The worst of it definitely comes at night. Sleep feels impossible a lot of time. Sometimes I distract myself with internet noise, but usually I just lay there in the dark and all these seemingly random and unconnected and sometimes very dark thoughts just sort of come and go. It's very "loud" inside my head sometimes.

I don't know if I'd use the word "torment", but it certainly does suck.


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## Guest (Nov 25, 2011)

nowhereboy said:


> I no longer feel like a person, more a conciouness floating around some strange body. How bad does it get for you?


Same here, it`s terrible.


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## Chris P Bacon (May 31, 2011)

Yo!

I'm certainly not tormented mentally!

I think seeing this as an "illness" is what keeps people locked in a state of dp to be honest, it isn't an illness, its a temporary condition caused by anxiety that you will overcome in time.









I realised my negative thoughts were keeping me in the cycle so I just stopped thinking about them... the result? I am doing much better, I'm happy and I don't even notice the dp which is almost bloody gone.









Realise when you're having negative thoughts and do something to destract yourself, think of your favourite song, play on Xbox or something.


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## Tandem (Oct 20, 2011)

nowhereboy said:


> I also over analyize everything to the point were i can barley understand whats going on around me.


This is exactly how I feel a lot of the time. I think too much about my vision, then my vision is hard to understand. It begins to seem abstract and confusing. If I don't think about it, I'm fine (except I'm probably thinking about something else DP related, lol..)

You're not nuts, man. You just have a lot of stress/anxiety on your plate. This will pass!


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## nowhereboy (Sep 28, 2011)

thanks for the replys!! Im beggining to wonder if i have ocd or something. The random words that keep popping up seem very intrusive. Obviously the more i dwell on it, the more it happens, but its realy awfull somtimes. Im trying to just let them come and go, not dwell on them but its very hard. Like most people who have had this happen i fear its the start of " thought insertion" or some other early symptom of schiz. This fear has totaly overpowerd my DP at the minute. My DP would be a joke if it wasnt for all this shit going on in my head. I need to belive im going to be ok, but its hard.

Anyone else feel like their thinking pattern is totaly ruined? The best way to desrcibe my thought is that im constantly thinking about what im thinking about. So my mind never gets a break, it never roams free. I rarely catch myself day dreaming or thinking about anything other than me and my thoughts. I feel like up untill my first panic attack my body and mind was running on auto and someone just switched it to manual.

I need to belive im going to be ok before i get any better. I know this, but i just cant belive it at the minute.


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## Tandem (Oct 20, 2011)

Everything you're saying, I've experienced, except the random words popping up, however there is a good chance that it's nothing.

Anyway, what are you really afraid of? Psychosis is FAR more treatable than DP. I am actually taking anti-psychotics right now, not that I have SZ or anything.


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## toshibatelly (Sep 13, 2011)

I get the idea of detachment from what you do, I'll be talking and it's as though my answers are reflexive, they draw on some knowledge I didn't even know I still had due to the pseudo-memory loss of DP; I'll be thinking to myself, "Is any of this real", "What was I doing yesterday" etc etc meanwhile if someone asks me a question pertaining to yesterday I can answer it with perfect recall even though I feel like I don't remember, but it is as though I didn't answer it, the answer just came out.


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## toshibatelly (Sep 13, 2011)

Chris P Bacon said:


> Yo!
> 
> I'm certainly not tormented mentally!
> 
> ...


I agree. I do wonder whether there are cultural difference in attitude to DP between Brits and Americans, in America there seems to be a tendency to over-medicalise everything, everything is a disorder etc which in my view can be unhealthy. Whereas in Britain our Doctors do their best to avoid characterising anyone as suffering from a mental disorder......which can make it difficult to obtain treatment, but it also stops people from getting into a negative thought process.


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## nowhereboy (Sep 28, 2011)

Whats not to fear about SZ? Without sounding harsh. Its obviously terrifying, treatable or not.

Im not sure you fully understand what i mean about the random words. Its not like i hear them, 90% of the time im aware im creating them myself. For example, if your trying not to think of a random word, your more than likely going to think of a random word, If that makes sense? So my anxiety is fueling this state. When distracted, this doesnt happen. Then as soon as i realise it hasnt happend for a while it will come back. Im 90% sure i create these problems myself after looking too deeply in to the symptoms of SZ and then imaginging them happening. Throughout this 6 month of anxiety ive convinced myself i have just about every mental disorder their is from depression to alzheimers.

Everyday is an inner battle with myself "your not going crazy, you cant be, your thinking perfectly fine, everythings ok" I repeat this over and over again. I just cant rest my tierd mind. Its weird, all it takes is a few positive comments on a forum to make me feel a bit better for a while. At the same time, one negative one and i go into a frenzy.

Im not delusional, hallucinating, hearing voices. So why cant i shake this fear?

Its no fun


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## Walkingzombie (Jul 7, 2011)

It's pretty god damn awful to say the least, but it's not the typical form of mental torment often associated with DP. Mine is a constant, unrelenting, and brutal blank mind. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I don't have any thoughts. Not a single one and it's slowly killing me. It's so damn frustrating. All food becomes tasteless and colors seem the same. I can't any escape in movies, books, or video games like I used to be able to. They all become the same and hardly seem worth it to do because of the fact that I'll have no thoughts when playing them. I've talked to some people who wish they could just turn their mind off for a day or too, but you sure as hell don't want to experience it. It makes daily functioning near impossible.


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

nowhereboy said:


> Whats not to fear about SZ? Without sounding harsh. Its obviously terrifying, treatable or not.
> 
> Im not sure you fully understand what i mean about the random words. Its not like i hear them, 90% of the time im aware im creating them myself. For example, if your trying not to think of a random word, your more than likely going to think of a random word, If that makes sense? So my anxiety is fueling this state. When distracted, this doesnt happen. Then as soon as i realise it hasnt happend for a while it will come back. Im 90% sure i create these problems myself after looking too deeply in to the symptoms of SZ and then imaginging them happening. Throughout this 6 month of anxiety ive convinced myself i have just about every mental disorder their is from depression to alzheimers.
> 
> ...


I really remember going through this myself. I would try an anti-obsessional medicine if you haven't already. I remember walking around all day and the word "shrooms" and "depersonalization" and "pointless" and "is this real" would just POP into my head, over, and over, and over, and over but it was like I was watching it happen. In the worst time of my anxiety though, it was like this all day, relentlessly. Like I was being attacked by my thoughts. And I couldnt stop it because the thoughts were so disconnected from myself. It was painful.


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## nowhereboy (Sep 28, 2011)

newyork said:


> I really remember going through this myself. I would try an anti-obsessional medicine if you haven't already. I remember walking around all day and the word "shrooms" and "depersonalization" and "pointless" and "is this real" would just POP into my head, over, and over, and over, and over but it was like I was watching it happen. In the worst time of my anxiety though, it was like this all day, relentlessly. Like I was being attacked by my thoughts. And I couldnt stop it because the thoughts were so disconnected from myself. It was painful.


As much as i wouldnt wish this on anyone its comforting to hear that someone else has went through this. "being attacked by my thoughts" describes the feeling perfectly. I can think loads of random non-sensical thoughts throughout the day but i too have a few that seem to keep cropping up, "schizophrenia" "this is not right" and "disco biscuts", that one always makes me giggle, i used to be a bit of a feind for the pills before all this bullshit. Ive become so aware of every part of my mind, i try to let these thoughts go but i end up arguing with myself about them, which in turn makes me feel even more crazy.

My biggest fear used to be "what if i hear voices" but now im terrified of my mind just going haywire and talking to itself etc and me being fully concious of it. I nearly ran out of work today because this thought came and hit me with a wave of shear panic. All day ive been obsessing and batteling with these thoughts. Im in the house now and its calmed down somewhat. I always feel a little better when im home for some reason.

Ive never took any meds for my anxiety (if thats what this even is). I did visit a doctor once and i walked out feeling 100 times worse. He kindly reminded me that drug use can cause schiz, he even said "you fit the steriotype, slim build and male". Gee thanks doc, now my mind is totaly at rest! He seemed clueless about DP and anxiety to be honest, but that seems to be a running theme everywhere, hence why im not keen to go back. Thanks for your comments by the way, its amazing being able to talk this through with people. Anxiety is a very lonley illness. Non of my freinds or family have a clue anything is wrong.


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

I can tell you one thing for sure... thinking that was gonna go away with time or on its own was WISHFUL THINKING. The only thing that ever really made a difference was medication. Your other option is to try to battle the thoughts with CBT, write them down and challenge them. Or OCD type exercises where you take the thought when it pops up, picture it on a chalkboard, and then picture yourself erasing it and writing something else like "control" or "peace" in its place. Its a way to retrain the mind. But I honestly think you'd be better off trying medication. Dont tell the doc you think your schizophrenic just say you have uncontrollable racing thoughts.


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## mattv30 (Aug 1, 2011)

I know EXACTLY what this person is going through with this. I laugh at it now because I understand how it happened to me. About a month ago, after being worried for months that I had D.I.D., I talked to myself in different voices, intentionally, in my head as a way to somehow give myself relief. Then, I scared myself, because I thought, "what if I can't stop myself from doing that?". Well, good ol anxiety took ahold of that fear and I started replaying those voices over and over again in my mind. Then, I became scared that I was going to lose control of my mind and would think insane things, well, that started to happen too. It's all because of a tired mind, and once I understood that I was the one who was creating this nonsense, It began to slowly get better. I still have the weird, irrational thought from time to time, but I can just laugh it off and it goes away almost immediately. Realize that you are the one that created this obsession and that you can get out of it through time. I got better, but it did take a month or so before It almost left me for good.


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## nowhereboy (Sep 28, 2011)

thanks for the reply matty. These thoughts are getting more and more fucked up. Im now questioning is their is more than one voice in my mind? The intrusive thoughts are getting unbearable, when deeply distracted they go away, but for the best part of my day i feel totaly crazy. Things like "your fucked" "your crazy" keep popping up, words are just jumbeld and flying about my mind. Im so confused. If this is schiz how come i have 100% insight? I almost want to talk back to the thoughts to see if they can reply at their own will. I went to the docs yesterday and he tried to reassure me im sane, but i cant belive him. I can barely function at the minute. Ive got to go to work now aswell, not sure i can make it through the day :S. This is getting awfull now, my hearts beating out of my chest and my mind wont shut the fuck up.


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