# Getting out of the circle



## Hope regained (Apr 23, 2012)

Some days ago I wrote an article about how I felt more or less recovered. TBH I don¨t feel 100%, but every day is a step in the right direction, and for each and every day I feel better and better. I also manage too do stuff now, which were completely out of the question when I was fully in DP land. What makes me the most glad is that communication and the sound of my own voice starts too feel normal;=) What struck me today, when I was out playing basketball ( I never do that, but I felt the urge too try something new today), was that when I had the ball in my hands and I threw the ball from side too side ( lefth hand, right hand) it wen¨t automatically. I couldn¨t really say that I was doing anything, except for wanting too throw the ball like that. And then I try too not catch the ball. Obviously, I had too NOT want too catch the ball in order too not catch it. So if I throw the ball without thinking about it, I catch it, and if I want too catch it I catch it. And if I want too NOT catch it, then I need too overpass that automatic reaction so too speak. I hope I ain¨t blabbering.... But there is a point with this. I suggest too you all that you read this article http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/6072-the-rounder-we-go-the-stucker-we-get/ It basically explains the nature of habits, and how DP can be looked upon as a circle. So let us say that DP is a circle. Or let us look upon DP as a circle.

DP AS A CIRCLE:

What does this circle consists of?

A feeling of not being alive. Something is wrong. 
Existensial thoughts, thoughts doesn¨t seem too be yours.

So when we are inside this circle, we get these feelings and these thoughts. Sometimes, when watching a movie or something, we can get out of this circle, and then "pop" everything seems normal.

Can the circle live without the feeling, or without the thoughts? Do the feeling live separately from the thought or vice versa? 
My opinion is that DP consists of both. Whenever I had DP experiences, my thoughts and feeling have been affected.

If we rid ourself from the thoughts that follows ( or leads) DP, will we feel real again?
If we think about the thoughts that follows DP, they are quite automatic. Everyone of us has something that they think when they are heavily affected by DP. I myself think : " Every human looks so animal like. Do we have free will. Where is my self? How do other people perceive the world? Do I really know people, like too the deepest core? Do we share an human consciousness? Are we all the same being from birth, and then we become different later? Etc etc.

These are all interesting questions of course, but let us face it. How the hell can I, or anyone of you know the answer too these? Ask Einstein, and he would of scratched his head... These are questions that some scientists try too find the answer too... And whenever I think of these questions, I feel deep anxiety. I cannot answer for myself what came first as of me. The anxiety or the questions. But these questions have now ( for me ) become automatic. They pop up from time too time. Often when I feel anxiety. Then I think back too the basketball. I can stand on the court swinging the ball from right hand too left hand. I don¨t think about it, I just do it. It is automatic. So are the thoughts that I think when I am deep down in DP land. ( Ofcourse I can really ruminate about these things, that is not automatic, but these questions are, and they lead too the rumination). And if I don¨t want too catch the ball while I stand there on the court, I simply must choose too not do it. What if it is that simple with DP? If these thoughts are automatic, but I choose not too think them. Instead of letting them ring in my head, just choose not too.

And then I know what you guys will say: If it was that simple, then why did we end up here... Isn¨t this the same as not caring about DP? No, it is not the same. Because if you try too not care about it, that would be the same as swinging the ball from right hand too left hand and just letting it happen, and not caring about it. But actually stopping DP, too actually stop the swinging, that is something else. So, if I am right in how I perceive DP, that the feeling follows the thought, that the feeling cannot exists without the thoughts that are loaded with anxiety, this should work? Rememeber, these thoughts, these questions were not automatic the first time you thought upon them. But they have become, as a result of your anxiety.

This is a theory that I made today when I stood on the basketball court, and seeing that I have not felt especially DP I have not tried it out yet. I will report how I feel after trying this, and I would like some responds. I know it might sound a little weird and simplistic, but the most advanced question often got the most simplistic solution, right?














Keep on fighting!!!

Best regards.

PS: If anything is unclear, please say so. I have not taken the time too correct my text, and it might be a bit messy.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Ur post is very good ... I agree ... I am having trouble now with the existential thoughts .... I'm very scared and I feel nothing makes sense . I wonder how I know things . It brings me into despair and deep depression ... I dunno how I am here . It all feels new and scarey u don't even know if I wanna b here anymore ... I'm terrified in my own skin ......


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## dazednconfuzd (Apr 21, 2012)

ok so ive had dp for bout 4 monts now n never had existenil thoughts . my problem is focusing onmyself.. like thinkin of the self. thats wat im tryin to get out of right now. thats my circle.. n chic wat u mean u wonder how uknow stuff? i dn ge how u have thoughts like that. u know stff cuz uve learned it lkei nt understand how ppl get those kinda ideas


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## MIndfAEL (Mar 13, 2012)

Hope regained said:


> Some days ago I wrote an article about how I felt more or less recovered. TBH I don¨t feel 100%, but every day is a step in the right direction, and for each and every day I feel better and better. I also manage too do stuff now, which were completely out of the question when I was fully in DP land. What makes me the most glad is that communication and the sound of my own voice starts too feel normal;=) What struck me today, when I was out playing basketball ( I never do that, but I felt the urge too try something new today), was that when I had the ball in my hands and I threw the ball from side too side ( lefth hand, right hand) it wen¨t automatically. I couldn¨t really say that I was doing anything, except for wanting too throw the ball like that. And then I try too not catch the ball. Obviously, I had too NOT want too catch the ball in order too not catch it. So if I throw the ball without thinking about it, I catch it, and if I want too catch it I catch it. And if I want too NOT catch it, then I need too overpass that automatic reaction so too speak. I hope I ain¨t blabbering.... But there is a point with this. I suggest too you all that you read this article http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/6072-the-rounder-we-go-the-stucker-we-get/ It basically explains the nature of habits, and how DP can be looked upon as a circle. So let us say that DP is a circle. Or let us look upon DP as a circle.
> 
> DP AS A CIRCLE:
> 
> ...


i agree with u that changing your thoughts is a way to
cure dp but its like i dont really have many thoughts to change since i have a blank mind. i mean i can kind
of think but it doesnt feel like im thinking at all. its hard to explain but anyone with blank mind would understand. and wat do u mean humans look like animals we are animals? also i would assume were all different at birth since we have different genes?


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## MIndfAEL (Mar 13, 2012)

and ive also wondered if we have free will cause our mind is our brain and dogs have brains does that mean they have freewill? ugh i need to stop thinking about this stuff ur right


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## Hope regained (Apr 23, 2012)

mmarcus said:


> i agree with u that changing your thoughts is a way to
> cure dp but its like i dont really have many thoughts to change since i have a blank mind. i mean i can kind
> of think but it doesnt feel like im thinking at all. its hard to explain but anyone with blank mind would understand. and wat do u mean humans look like animals we are animals? also i would assume were all different at birth since we have different genes?


Regarding your question about what I mean humans look like animals: I myself believe in the theory of evolution, and yes, I believe we are all highly evolved animals. But when I said that humans looked like animals ( that was kinda vague, I¨ll admit that), I meant that when my DP struck, whenever I looked at or talked too another human I could not relate. Like, they just looked like animals, not my race. I dunno if that is because I personally lost some of my humanity or what... But I didn¨t feel like a human among humans, more like an alien among humans, or whatever.. It felt weird atleast, and that feeling followed DP or was a part of it. Really frustating. Its kinda hard too explain

Also I have had really big problems grasping the concept of self. Which I guess is common for most people with DP. I cannot stop thinking that self is a construct of our mind, and that it is build up from all our senses, feeling and thoughts. Like some sort of illusion... Like, I desperately want too be something else than human, I guess I am in desperate search for my soul, or atleast hope that I am something more than just the human me. If anyone can understand? Aaaaanyways, I also wanted too ask you guys if anyone of you can relate too this?:

Do you analyze your every move, thought and feeling? Do you feel like you are divided into two: One observer, and one actor. Do you think about a lot of stuff that you want too do, both stuff that differentiate from what you done IRL, and stuff that you want too do, but you don¨t do them? Thats definitely a trait of mine, and I am working on connecting them. I guess that is why it is called dissociation disorder, because mind and body is dissociated from one and another. Well, anyways, thats that Thanks for any replies


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