# NEW HERE...AM I GOING BLIND PLEASE TELL ME IM NOT ALONE!!!!!



## alexishoward (Feb 1, 2006)

okay...i have not been "diagnosed" with this dp/dr but after years of frustrating symptoms, tests and doctor visits and everything coming back as "your fine" i HAD to take it into my own hands...thats how i found this site and i am so greatful!!!
I am 22 years old and since about age 18 i have had these crazy eye problems that no one understands until i read the posts in this forum and almost EVERY single person has the SAME eye symptoms as i do. I first noticed this problem when i woke up one morning when i was 18. It seemed as though my eyes were not processing to my brain what i was actually seeing. That same day, i noticed this gray dot in my eye so i went to the eye doctor convinced that i was going blind and he said it was a floater and it will fade away over time. Yeah...right!!!!! I have gotten sooooooo MANY more floaters in the past few years it would make most ppl go CRAZY!!! I remember the doc telling me that if i got flashes of light and more floaters to come back cuz that could mean retina detatchment...so what do i do?? i get tons more floaters and of course flashes of light... i have been to the ER thinking im having a retina detatchmetn sooo many times. I think i have an obsession/phobia of going blind but it is so ironic that i have this going blind fear and that just so happens to be the number one complaint of dp/dr suffers:vision problems!!!! I have along long list of eye problems: 
when i try to focus on one thing my eyes dart away from that object
everything looks flat
everything looks fake
everything seems blurry yet i still see 20/20???
i feel as though there is this pressure behind my eyeball
i get eye pain
the worst so far which i have now and i want to know if you guys get is this: I have this like dot in my eye that will NOT go away. Not a floater...its like when someone takes your picture and you see the after image of the light from the camera for a while afterward...thats what it looks like...like a tiny little light in my right eye. i even see it on dark objects. I had it in my left eye a month ago and the eye doc said nothing was wrongt....it went away but now it's in my right eye and it wil not go away!!!!!
i also have crappy side vison
feel like i get tunnel visoin and after images
WHAT THE HELL...sometimes i wonder if it's organic or all in my head. I am seeing a shrink about it and she is doing congnitive therapy with me to get over my fear of going blind. I dont think it helps. Also...i started on Cembalta or whatever its called...and it made me worse...it caused me to have panic attacks...they changed me to lexapro and it did the same thinkg.....i am so sick of having these dp/dr episodes and even wrose.. living like i am aoubt to go blind at any given moment....PLEASE...CAN ANYONE RELATE? DO YOU GUYS HAVE THIS? I AM SO SCARED...I CANNOT KEEP GOING BACK TO THE OPTHAMOLOGIST...HE ALRADY THINKS IM CRAZY I JUST KNOW IT....PLEASE TELL ME I AM NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

You're okay. I think you may have floaters. There was an exe file to download floaters. I can't find it now. I'll see about it later. But, don't worry. This is common.


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## Guest_ (Sep 17, 2005)

.


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## alexishoward (Feb 1, 2006)

BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT SPOT IN MY EYE...IT'S NOT A FLOATER...IT'S LIKE I AM HAVING A MIGRAINE OURA ONLY IT IS NOT GOING AWAY...LIKE AN AFTER IMAGE YOU GET AFTER LOOKING AT A LIGHT BULB. IT IS REALLY SCARING ME...DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PARTICULAR PROB?


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

alexishoward said:


> BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT SPOT IN MY EYE...IT'S NOT A FLOATER...IT'S LIKE I AM HAVING A MIGRAINE OURA ONLY IT IS NOT GOING AWAY...LIKE AN AFTER IMAGE YOU GET AFTER LOOKING AT A LIGHT BULB. IT IS REALLY SCARING ME...DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PARTICULAR PROB?


Have you been to the eye doctor lately? It might be something they can resolve.


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## alexishoward (Feb 1, 2006)

yeah i have been to the eye doc...was just there a month ago...seems to be a month to month thing for me...i really think i go about once a month now since i feel like im going blind all the time...always new symptoms in my eyes UGH!!!!


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## Methusala (Dec 22, 2005)

What to do about it?
Relax, consider it not a big deal and accept all your feelings both good and 'bad.'. Try that for a month and see if you notice a difference, I'll bet it goes away.

Why do I say that?

Because almost every day on this forum, someone, at times including me, posts a frantic message about various problems they have many worried thoughts about. Problems that are often demonstratably psychological.

For example. You said you went to the eye doctor and he said there is no phyiscal problem.

I would think, that there is a pretty high chance that you have a DP process that is working with your eye functioning. There is a natural blind spot in the eye, and it can only be noticed by doing certain eye exercises. 
I believe one way to do it is to take a white sheet of paper with a black dot on it, close one eye, and look around the paper until the spot disapears. I'm no eye doctor, but I would guess that this 'spot' issue you have is related to a DP-anxiety cycle and the natural blind spot.

So given those facts:
-frequent forum evidence for a DP-worry obsession-psychological created problems process
-Doc says no problem
-Eyes are not perfect instruments

It would seem worth it to try lowering your DP by following some of the recent forum suggestions, like:
-the thread on 'rounder we go'
-focus out
-'10 days to self esteem'
-accept all feelings
-breath with a count of 4
-do social things

Try it for at least a couple days and let us know how it went.

M


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Oh for the love of God, just relax. Really. You're acting ridiculous.

If you've been to the opthamologist and eye doctors and been checked out even once or twice, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You are only like this because you're consumed with anxiety about going blind or something like that. Why do you think you've ended up here, on a DP forum...a disorder brought about by severe anxiety. Of course a lot of people have eye problems on here...we obsess about EVERYTHING.

I used to do the same thing...constantly. I almost flew back from Korea to get my bloody eyes checked out simply because i had a few more floaters and was seeing weird flashes every now and then.

If you think about it logically...what can possibly happen...if you have a retinal detachment (which by the way is extremely unlikely given your 20/20 vision...much more likely for someone like me who is myopic)...you will see major flashes and A LOT more floaters. You will know that it's happening. Even people who don't know anything about retinal detachments know something is wrong when it happens and they head straight to an emergency room. And even if you did have one, there are several surgeries that could be performed to set your vision right, as long as you nip it in the bud, so to speak.

People don't just go blind, you know. Something has to happen. You could also get a brain tumour tomorrow....do you worry about that too? Your eyes won't do you much good if you're dead now, will they?

Anyone who goes on about little dots they see in their eyes and expect people to sympathize with them are barking up the wrong tree, if you ask me. You see little grey dots in your eyes? Whoopidy doo dah. I see a pulsating black dot in my eye when i jog. I see tons of crap in my eyes every day if i sit staring at a light all day. How about the entropic phenomenon? You want something to freak you out? Go stare at a bright blue sky for about five minutes and notice all the tweaking dancing little spots of light. Do you have any idea how much crap is bouncing around in the vitreous? We're lucky we can see anything at all!

I say all this not to be cruel or dismissive. I DO sympathize with the anxiety you're feeling...just not the manifestation it's taking. Your thinking you're going blind because of a grey dot (of which, by the way, i often see as well, as do many others if you go on various eye forums) is a symptom of anxiety. You have to deal with that....not the ostensible manifestation of an eye problem.

You've done the right thing. You've checked it out with your eye doctor. More than once from what i can gather. Leave it alone. You'll know if something happens and believe me...it almost certainly WON'T! I hope you don't think i'm being a jerk for saying all this. I only feel comfortable being this blunt because I went through all that myself...specifically. Regarding the whole eye thing. And what i needed above all was a good smack in the face to make me realize how stupid the whole thing was.

So stop worrying about it. Believe me there's plenty of other things one can worry about that have nothing to do with eyes.

Good luck,

s.


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## alexishoward (Feb 1, 2006)

yeah i know that is why i am going to therapy...to get over this overwhelming fear that i have...and coping with everything else that comes with it...people really do help with their honesty...even if it comes off rude...strangely enough...it helps me a lot...thanx for your advice...i just wish it got rid of my fear for good...the constant reassurance that i need is unbearable sometimes. oh well...thanks for your input...i appreciate everyone's advice and experiences!!!


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## moonDust (May 18, 2005)

1A said:


> alexishoward said:
> 
> 
> > DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PARTICULAR PROB?


YES, i have the same particular problem, especially the "after-image" effect, but i got used to it somehow...


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2006)

Haha, *Gold sparkle blocks my vision as i go to reply to this thread*

I think we all have eye problems, even people without DP.. just people in general


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> Haha, *Gold sparkle blocks my vision as i go to reply to this thread*
> 
> I think we all have eye problems, even people without DP.. just people in general


Hibernation Thats exactly what I wanted to say. Everyone does have a floater and an after image now and then but we get them very badly because we freak out about it and then they just become more appairent in our minds because this is what our minds are focused on.

I was just realizeing last night why I have had so many vision problems. I always see crap out of the corner of my eye and this always freaks me out. I know nothing is there but I look anyway because I am tripping out about it. Everyone on earth has visiual disturbances but they don't focus on it because it is not the most important thing in there lives. If you just let it happen and don't freak out about it then it should go away.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

alexis,

i'm sorry if my comment came off rude. i only phrased it that way to emphasize how silly your fear is. But i don't mean "silly" in the sense that it's dismissive and stupid...i only mean that it's irrational, as all of these types of phobias are. And i know this very well because not only do i harbour the same types of silly, irrational fears...but i've even flirted with the one that holds you hostage now...the whole fear of going blind.

But the last thing i want to do is make you think that i don't understand what you're going through or to have you think me obnoxious or something. I was just trying a tact that worked for me with the same phobia that you have now.

In any case, good luck and again sorry if i came off a little rude.

s.


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## alexishoward (Feb 1, 2006)

no hard feelings sebastion. if anything, it helps. my fiance says the same things to me and i think it helps because you're right...i'm not thinking rationally. sometimes i have to think to myself...if i were going blind, wouldnt it have happend by now? i think i am overcoming this though...you should have seen me a few months ago...i had to quit my job and everything. thats gonna be the hard part...going back to work...which im doing here in a few weeks. yikes!!!! i really do appreciate your honesty though...you seem like a very smart guy, eh? ha ha...i love canadians!!!!!!!


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## Dreamland (Jun 1, 2005)

Oh for Pete's sake...!!...as sure as God made green apples, I think you've got to start listening to your doctors. Diabetes can cause blindness, multiple sclerosis, retinal detachment, infections of the uvea......I mean where is it going to stop? You want to get tested for everything?


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2006)

every try hallucinogens ?


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## alexishoward (Feb 1, 2006)

the only thing i have ever done was smoke pot but this whole dr/dp thing started beforehand...though im convinced it made it worse...in 2003 i moked a joint...more than i had ever done...i usually just took a few tokes then my world changed for like 2 weeks and ever since it's been off and on for a few years. i will never smoke again. i didnt want to in the first place...peer pressure does exist!!!!


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## Guest (Feb 2, 2006)

you have an obsession with going blind and you have floaters/eye disturbances not a very good combination. You have to get treated for your obssession, the eye problems go away on their own once you stop paying attention, in your case it would be very hard to stop paying attention and your only making things worst by obssessing. I had the eye disturbances as well and it made me pretty anxious at first but then i didn't care and it went away.


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## alexishoward (Feb 1, 2006)

yeah it is ironic, isnt it? I have this overwhelming irrational fear of going blind which gave me anxiety which gave me dp/dr which makes me panic which gives me more anxiety which makes my dp/dr worse which causes these "other eye symptoms/problems" i find myself wondering...am i seeing the psych about my fear of going blind or my fear of dp/dr making me feel like im going blind? IRONIC!!!!


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## chiara (Nov 5, 2005)

''yeah it is ironic, isnt it? I have this overwhelming irrational fear of going blind which gave me anxiety which gave me dp/dr which makes me panic which gives me more anxiety which makes my dp/dr worse which causes these "other eye symptoms/problems" i find myself wondering...am i seeing the psych about my fear of going blind or my fear of dp/dr making me feel like im going blind? IRONIC''

yes its a vicious circle. I have a bad neck problem, gives me vertigo alot of pressure headaches etc. I thought I had a tumor till I was diagnosed.
I sit there and worry that its caused by anxiety. I shouldnt have anxiety I think, so why am I having anxiety? Is the anxiety causing my neck problem? or is my neck problem causing anxiety, panic etc.etc etc. just goes round and round.

have you had an MRI? Even though I think that after so many years of this problem you would already be blind if there were a problem. It jsut sucks that you know it is phsycological, makes it harder to leave.

Do you spend alot of time on the computer? Do you wear sunglasses when you are out inthe bright sun or bright lights?

Also I read your other post about the medications. If I were you I would learn to live with it and learn to ignore it rather than having even worse side effects the the medications. It will not stop those floaters only the anxiety you have over them.

If you look on the internet about eye floaters there is alot in there. Im sure you have though.

I get floaters when I am getting a migraine or if I look at something very bright with a white backround. Freaks me out too but I dont think I would get into pills for it.


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## Guest (Feb 3, 2006)

I thought my vision was deteriorating a few years ago so had my eyes checked out. My vision was 20/12, I think. Part of the exam included the colour part where you look at numbers made up of tiny coloured dots on a background of different-coloured dots. In my usual, strange way, I could easily make out the first few but couldn't focus my attention on the last one, so got it wrong. The guy corrected me, certain that I had just said the wrong thing, but actually saw the right thing. The truth was, I couldn't even concentrate to care about it. That's dp kicking in at the oddest moments. My life is composed of this erratic pattern - sometimes I make sense, other times I'm just weird and it's been like that for years, never getting any worse.
I feel for you guys with the vision problems. That must be very tough. I have a mild form of visual problems but not enough to disturb my life.


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## chiara (Nov 5, 2005)

speaking of eye problems a girl in our building told us that part of her vision is blocked because of a bad ear piercing! Something happened to one of her facial nerves. Mind you it wasnt a normal piercing it was towards the top of her ear...isnt that wierd?


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## Luka (Aug 30, 2005)

That's pretty weird, Chiara.

I have had irrational panic attacks of going blind (or deaf) for years on end. It's DP and hypochondria and it gets worse if you concentrate on it (even more). The trick is to rationalize it, calm yourself down and pay attention to something else. It's difficult and it takes alot of effort. I'm still learning after all these years. I know from my own experience that it is hard to accept a doctor's conclusion when (s)he says your eyes are fine and that there is nothing wrong with you. As others already stated, you don't just go blind and a detached retina is very obvious. I know a boy who has had that.


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