# Cotard Delusion, DR and DP



## curseofconstantsight (Feb 8, 2010)

I have been struggling for about two years with what I used to only describe as a bad acid trip that I can't come down from or that visual and aural stimuli are turned-up to a maximum intensity... There was a period of about 8 - 10 months when I would have a struggle getting at least 1 - 2 hours of sleep at night.

I only came across the word "cotard" after seeing Synecdoche the film over a year ago. I mentioned the condition to a family member who said that some believe that existence on Earth to be "Hell" and not a metaphorical one. Shortly after that I watched the film "Jacob's Ladder" only to have the Cotard delusion further reinforced without any idea that it was classified as a delusion.

I was sooo relieved to find it's classification as a psychological one and how it can be manifested in derealization/depersonalization. However, I tend to identify more with derealization than depersonalization.

Does anyone identify? Am I experiencing depersonalization or just derealization from another condition... I really hope that it's not a form of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.


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## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

curseofconstantsight said:


> I have been struggling for about two years with what I used to only describe as a bad acid trip that I can't come down from or that visual and aural stimuli are turned-up to a maximum intensity... There was a period of about 8 - 10 months when I would have a struggle getting at least 1 - 2 hours of sleep at night.
> 
> I only came across the word "cotard" after seeing Synecdoche the film over a year ago. I mentioned the condition to a family member who said that some believe that existence on Earth to be "Hell" and not a metaphorical one. Shortly after that I watched the film "Jacob's Ladder" only to have the Cotard delusion further reinforced without any idea that it was classified as a delusion.
> 
> ...


I just had to wiki that







(in case any one else requires: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard_delusion)

For me it has always been more of an "I might as well be dead" rather than a feeling that I am. When my DP was at it's worst I would lose my emotions and apart from "now blink your eye, now smile, now walk" there wasn't much going on in my head. I did feel like a reanimated corpse but the wiki article for Cotard's sounds more like sufferers actually feel their bodys are decomposing, no? I could describe the same feelings of DP in different ways as well, such as feeling as if my body was a puppet, or as if I were a robot.

Many people here are experiencing changes in their hearing and visual changes/disturbances can get pretty distracting. Here are a few threads:

Deadened sensory reception:
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/20026-deadened-sensory-reception/page__hl__hearing__fromsearch__1

Vision problems described:
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/20000-vision-problems-do-we-all-have-them-describe-yours/page__hl__visual__fromsearch__1

You can find further threads by using the search box on the top right corner of the forum.

Don't worry about schizophrenia or bipolar. What you're describing doesn't sound like either of those to me and it's typical to be worried about psychosis for people experiencing symptoms of DP/DR.

Welcome to the board!


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## curseofconstantsight (Feb 8, 2010)

pancake said:


> I just had to wiki that
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So much thanks for your post!

Yes, the reason that I dismiss schizophrenia or bipolar disorder is because I am constantly involved in reality checks.

Good point on the "sufferers actually feel their bodys are decomposing..." I don't identify with that at all... I just see a lot of visual distortions: I recognize facial assymetry much more than before. This happens mostly with others than myself.

"I could describe the same feeling in different ways as well, such feeling like my body was a puppet, or as if it were a robot."

Yes, this is true for me as well. Feelings of loss of control and uselessness topped off with an overall feeling that my actions are futile, meaningless. It doesn't, however, produce a lack of a sense of humor.

It's just the visual distortions on a daily basis have me dreading that morning wake-up call where I'm ripped from a pleasant dream state.


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## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

curseofconstantsight said:


> "I could describe the same feeling in different ways as well, such feeling like my body was a puppet, or as if it were a robot."
> 
> Yes, this is true for me as well. Feelings of loss of control and uselessness topped off with an overall feeling that my actions are futile, meaningless. It doesn't, however, produce a lack of a sense of humor.
> 
> It's just the visual distortions on a daily basis have me dreading that morning wake-up call where I'm ripped from a pleasant dream state.


Sounds like you're in the right place







They should extend the criteria to "Reality testing AND sense of humour intact"

There are some physical issues which can cause symptoms of DP/DR so a visit to your GP might be worthwhile. I am thinking of things such as migraine aura (which would explain changes in hearing and vision and is sometimes accompanied by DP/DR). Some people get the auras without the migraine. Just a thought.


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## curseofconstantsight (Feb 8, 2010)

pancake said:


> Sounds like you're in the right place
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Much tanx again pancake!

I have been going to my GP who sometimes looks at me strangely. He's a great guy and has given me medication for depression and anxiety. It's just the visual distortions/anomalies that still happen and the hyperarousal that I experience daily that I could do without.

Have you ever worn sunglasses or headphones to drown out the visual circus or aural cacophony?

Tanx also for the "visual aspects" link?

Are you in England presently? Do you like Stephanie Dosen's music?


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## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

curseofconstantsight said:


> Have you ever worn sunglasses or headphones to drown out the visual circus or aural cacophony?
> Tanx also for the "visual aspects" link?
> Are you in England presently? Do you like Stephanie Dosen's music?


Never done the sunglasses but when things were bad I always had music on max or pluggeed straight into my ears








Yep, I live in England. I haven't come across Stephanie Dosen - I'll have to have a look.


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