# Hi all (my story)



## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Hi everyone. I'm a 31 year old guy, been struggling with what I suspect is DP/DR for about 16 months now. It's a relief to know there is a name for this horrible condition after a long and difficult journey that I'll do my best to describe below.

So basically I've always been pretty anxious and withdrawn, but suddenly from one day to the next in June 2014 I became what I felt was dizzy. It was like I felt surreal and off-balance, as if I wasn't in control of my body. I had always liked a few beers but was never into marijuana, so I have no idea what the catalyst was.

Anyway, I freaked out at that point, thinking I had a brain tumor, so spent the next six months feverishly getting tests, scans, x-rays etc. Everything came back normal, and so I pretty much learned to live with it, awful as it is. That is until three weeks ago. At that point, I suddenly took a turn for the worse and have been having real problems with concentration, memory lapses, retaining info, reading/writing etc. New tests haven't revealed anything significant, so I'm feeling pretty desperate as far as not getting any answers.

So to recap, my symptoms right now are:

- Brain fog (can't remember recent events, get confused/mixed up easily, feel spacially disoriented)

- Off-balance, floaty, detached, heavy head sensation

- Nervous, repetitive behaviors

- Fatigue

- Weak, buckling legs/knees

- Always zoning out

- Occasional shortness of breath

- Occasional twitching muscle movements

- OCD/panic attack flare-ups (fear of going crazy basically)

Does this sound like DP/DR? I'm going through hell right now, freaking out about having dementia, so I'd really appreciate any responses.

It's good to meet you all!


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## hopefuluk2 (Aug 20, 2015)

Typical DP/DR. Welcome to the club! You can find a lot of information here on what you should do next. Not to discourage you but this is going to be a long tiresome road! Hope you can get over it quickly though!


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## Kowlowski (Oct 8, 2015)

Hi Chicane.On the other hand It doesn't have to take a long time to recover.

It is all part of your natural defence mechanisms. These are the feelings you might have in a fight or flight situation (where you would fight to protect yourself or run away) only difference being it is happening when there is no danger.

One way to overcome it is to show the body that there is no danger and the adrenaline does not need to be there. This is done by facing every situation and every feeling that scares you(even depersonalization and de realization themselves ) until it finds there is no reason to be on red alert any more.

Pushing it out of your mind is only a bandage. Facing it until there is no fear any more is what will allow your defences to switch back to normal. Face the feelings and realise they are not scary and they can't hurt you they are in fact your own body being too protective.

Imagine a hedghog curling up to protect itself. It would stay like that as longer as it thinks there is danger. Same with your body. Unless it can learn there is no danger it will stay in that mode.

Everything and I mean everything you have written looks like it is a symptom of your defense system working too well. Once you understand that you can begin to see how everything else feeds in to it.

This is not written just from opinion but from my own experience and techniques tought to me by a psychologist.

I went from not leaving the house for months to living a normal life. Hope this helps and remember you are not alone with this there are many people out there with the same feelings.


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## Kowlowski (Oct 8, 2015)

PS. It doesn't sound like DP/DR per say. DP/DR is a symptom of Anxiety. I think if you look up Panic/Anxiety Disorder you may find what you are looking for. Although I find disorder a bit of a heavy word as I don't see it as a disorder as such - I see it more as your body being highly tuned to stress.

As there are so many symtoms of all kinds come with this it is common to think it is down to something like a brain tumor or things of that nature but believe me

Anxiety can give you all kinds of weird and wonderful symptoms.


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## 2141zach (Sep 14, 2015)

I am starting to realize this myself I go to trade school for machining lots of loud noises and stress. I am realizing more and more that it all stems from anxiety the sooner you realize this and begin to pay attention to why you feel the way you do the sooner you recover. And you can recover soon. There are many things outside of us we cant control but we can learn to control our thoughts and how we deal with anxiety. This will help ground you more and you will have moments of "normal" again. I think the key though is even when we get better to remember to keep working on this and taking care of our minds and I think we can prevent dp and as a result help our minds to function in a way that doesn't hurt us I dont know if that makes sense im not very good describing what I mean sometimes.

Also remember to take care of yourself and to not be so hard on yourself, this is huge people with dp I think are hard on themselves too much so. Start approaching everyday things at work or home with a new perspective if someone stresses you out and stress is bad then try to retrain your mind to not feel the stress not a complete I dont care about anything attitude but a hey I realize this is causing stress but I don't need to feel that its not helpful attitude.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Thanks for the responses guys, it's really good to hear from you all.

This has indeed been a very difficult road already and it looks like it may get worse before it gets better. Last night I caved and went to the ER for my cognitive issues. Had an MRI and more tests, all fine of course. One of the nurses said he couldn't totally rule out dementia though, which made me pretty upset. I guess that's my main fear right now - that I am legitimately losing my mind. I keep having panic attacks regarding me winding up a drooling vegetable.

Just prior to this a few weeks ago, I had read a news story about someone with dementia and it did kind of stick with me. I'm wondering if I've sort of somatized that horror story somehow. The mind is so powerful, but also seemingly really messed up if it's not working for you.

Anyway, thanks again, I hope to contribute here more and help out others as I learn more about all this.


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## 2141zach (Sep 14, 2015)

I was misdiagnosing myself when I first started too. Almost went to the hospital. It will be better if you can just realize its dp which isnt harmful to your health. Its gonna get better.


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## montrealcanadiens1996 (Sep 18, 2015)

As everyone's said this is probs DP/DR. It is normal for cognitive issues such as brain fog and forgetfulness to occur with DP/DR. I'm in the same boat as you though as my main fear right now is having dementia. But I try and remind myself it's an irrational thought and that it is a normal reaction as your brain naturally tries to find a logical explication for what you are feeling even if it isn't that logical after all. I have gone through all tests as I had two MRIs and I really got scared when the neuro told me that it could not alone exclude dementia. So I understand that. Try and tell yourself this is DP as the lingering thought of you having dementia might slow your recovery or even prevent it from happening. The more you focus on the thought of having dementia the more anxiety you will have which in turn will increase the levels of depersonalization which creates a cycle. If you really want clarity that you do not have dementia, you should see a neurologist that might refer you to do some neurological testing. Now, I really don't think that's the problem as I believe it's purely anxiety fueled deperosnalization and you have to break its cycle and that starts with eliminating fears of dementia completely.


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## Kowlowski (Oct 8, 2015)

King Elliott said:


> Hi, Alex! It was good to meet you in chat the other day!
> 
> That isn't completely correct. DP can be a symptom of an anxiety disorder but it's not as simple as DP = anxiety. Look at any epidemiological study and you'll see that only approximately half of people with DP have a co-morbid anxiety disorder.


Hi Alex. I am not saying DP = Anxiety. I am saying in Chicane's case it seems to be General Anxiety that is leading to symptoms of DP

Indicators being...

- Nervous, repetitive behaviors

- Occasional shortness of breath

- Occasional twitching muscle movements

- OCD/panic attack flare-ups (fear of going crazy basically)

I can understand how you may have read it wrong however.


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