# HEY



## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

Hi everyone, My name is Colin and i'm 16. I go to highschool and live a completely normal life. I would say most people see me as a very normal person. Well I may look like im fine on the outside but on the inside I feel strange, weird like im trapped inside of my self sometimes. Kinda like Im not controlling what I'm doing and watching my life happen, and I have also had some very strange thoughts about reality and why we are here on earth, why are we human, all unanswerable questions. It started with terrible derealization about 2 months ago when I was going through kinda a depression, and with bad anxiety as i've always had I guess that just put me in the derealized state. I dealt with that the best I could, living normally and trying not to think about it. As I tried not to think about it, it got worse I was really scared and still am of whats going on. Now its constant depersonalization, I feel like im disconnected from myself, I've become very aware of my thoughts (especially the odd thoughts of reality). It is always better when I'm busy doing something or with my friends but I hate this feeling so much and just want to feel like my old self again. I've just started taking Lexapro a couple of weeks ago, I feel since lately I've been feeling a bit better maybe it is helping somewhat. I know to stop this you almost have to completely accept it and stop worrying about it, (this is easier said than done). I am ready to beat this. I feel for everyone that is suffering from this I'm sorry I know how it feels. Thanx and good luck.


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

Also any advice that would do any good when dealing with these thoughts of reality or depersonalization would be very much appreciated. Thanx


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Some advice:

-Benzodiazapines such as alprazolam (Xanax), lorazepam (Ativan), and clonazepam (Klonopin - my favorite) help. A prescription for a benzo would be beneficial.
-See if you can get counseling through your school or something.
-Tell people. We feel like we're acting all the time, and it's a tremendous weight off your chest if you've got someone to talk to.
-Read up on the disorder. _Feeling Unreal_ by Simeon and Abugel is a good place to start.
-Figure out your triggers and, if necessary, avoid them.
-Do NOT smoke pot or use hallucinogens. Ever. Pills are fine. Ecstasy not so great for everyone. Alcohol might mess with you the morning after.
-While I don't follow this piece of advice myself, stay away from existential or philosophical material. It won't help.
-Remember, you're not crazy.
-Read some of the recovery stories on this site.

Feel free to PM people if you need help.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

HI!!! Welcome to the forums!!


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

Hey and thanx for the advice im going to think about looking into that. Im just keeping a positive mind knowing I will eventually get over this and it won't hurt me. Also I'm not sure but the first time I ever smoked marajuana which was also the last time I got a similar feeling of being detached to myself, It was only about 3 and a half months ago. After that day it went away after about two days, now its kinda like that feeling is back, could the weed have caused this or am I just making up excuses, also Im kinda depressed and have had anxiety since I was about 13.


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## Ecorvi (Oct 31, 2008)

Benzo is fcuking crap! Don't take it!


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Ecorvi said:


> Benzo is fcuking crap! Don't take it!


Why do you say that? I love my benzo's.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

egodeath said:


> Ecorvi said:
> 
> 
> > Benzo is fcuking crap! Don't take it!
> ...


this


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Conjurus said:


> egodeath said:
> 
> 
> > Ecorvi said:
> ...


If you don't take them every day you won't get addicted and they will still help.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Yeah Im with you- I love my benzo's.


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

haha well I don't actually think I'm crazy :lol: so I don't know I'll do some research on benzos. More advice is always welcome. And also anyone think that the weed could have caused this and if so how long would it take for this to subside? Thanx


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Savage08 said:


> haha well I don't actually think I'm crazy :lol: so I don't know I'll do some research on benzos. More advice is always welcome. And also anyone think that the weed could have caused this and if so how long would it take for this to subside? Thanx


Yes, weed can cause it (the working theory is that there need to be preexisting propensities to develop the disorder, though) and it can take anywhere between a week and a lifetime.


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

well thanx for the information I don't believe that weed can give you anything for a lifetime at least I hope not. Thank you for the insight though.


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Weed didn't really give it to you, it just pushed you over an edge you were already standing on. You might have fallen over on your own, you might not have, but you were predisposed to develop DPD.


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

Thanx, I really do think I'm starting to recover although there are days where I have setbacks lately its been mostly good I've just gone about what I normally do and ignore it. Not thinking about it is really the best thing to do, worrying can hurt, I know I was in the endless cycle of worry a couple of weeks ago I broke that now I'm hoping I can start getting better. It is getting better everyday.


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

I've still been getting better  . I actually feel like im recovering and feel about 50% better than i did a couple weeks ago. I find in school now I don't think about it at all and occupy my mind with other things. Every now and then I think about it and it gets worse but I really am getting a lot better. Things are feeling more real than ever and I feel kinda like my old self is coming back.. although I know I never left lol. For anyone that is having a hard time relax and think positive. I really hope I can fully recover from this I don't care how long it takes it is going to happen if I ignore it enough. At times I even feel great when I'm with my friends doing stuff talking to them and doing other stuff. Just thought I'd update my story a little since I haven't posted in a while. Thanx :mrgreen:


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## Guest (Feb 13, 2009)

That's awesome.


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