# Depersonalization after anxiety attack?



## Mango (Nov 21, 2011)

Hello friends, my name is Eddie, and I've been suffering from depersonalization for a few days now. I believe it was caused by an anxiety attack I suffered, which stemmed from smoking marijuana (i'll explain).

This might be a quite a long read, but I just want to describe exactly what i'm feeling







I will try to be brief.

So first of all, I would like to describe a severe panic attack I had while under the influence of marijuana.
This goes back to May 19th. It was about 9:00, and I ate a pot brownie that my friend had given me (Keep in mind I had only smoked 2 or 3 times before this). Anyway, after about a half hour, the effects started to set in, and I put on my headphones and enjoyed my high. Everything was fine at first, nothing I hadn't felt before. The usual. Well after a few minutes is when things started getting bad. I began to feel extremely high, much higher than I had felt from previous experience. As I continued to get higher and higher, I began to panic. I took off my headphones because the music was bothering me, and making me paranoid. Everything felt like it was in slow motion. I thought I was going to die, or be stuck like this forever. I was afraid of going to sleep, because I was convinced that I would never wake up. My thoughts were racing, and my heart was beating very rapidly. I was 100% convinced that the world was gonna end. I told myself that if i woke up the next morning, I would never mess with weed again.

Being the idiot that I am, this incident didn't stop me from messing with marijuana. I still smoked a few more times, and did not experience this type of panic attack again.

So now I would like to talk about what I've recently been experiencing... I am currently in college, and pretty much ever since I got in, I have had lots of sleep deprivation. Going to sleep at 2 to 4 a.m. was the norm for me. One day I even went the whole night without sleeping at all! In class, I would literally struggle to keep my eyes open. I would fall asleep on the bus ride back home almost daily. I've also been very stressed out because of this.

About a month ago, I smoked marijuana for the 7th time. Keep in mind that I am by no means a "regular user". I have only smoked 7 times, in about a 7th month period. I didn't smoke that much, and my high only lasted about an hour. For the days following this, I experienced some pretty bad headaches, and I felt this slight pressure on my temples. I also felt "emotionally numbed". By this I mean that I kind of had trouble smiling, and experiencing happiness

So now this brings us to the anxiety attack i had, which i believe was the thing that triggered my DP. It was on October 15th, I believe. As usual, I was very very tired and fatigued in the morning. I decided I would drink some coffee to help wake me up and get me through the day. This was a bad idea. I usually NEVER drink coffee. I've also experienced some panic attacks caused by drinking coffee. But I was in need of something to stimulate me, and help wake me up. I was tired of falling asleep in class everyday. So I drank the coffee, and I also ate some sweet bread. At school, the teacher gave us a piece of candy which I also ate. So at this point I had nothing but sugar and caffeine in my body. So then class ended, and I get home, and I go on the computer. That's when the anxiety attack occurred. I was browsing the internet, and looking at scary stories, videos, and images... bad idea. I came across an image that was supposedly "cursed" and said to make anyone who looks at it go crazy. Well a few minutes after viewing this picture, I was watching some scary videos on youtube, and that's when i all of a sudden began to get very nervous.... my heart started racing, my thoughts began to race, VERY similar to the experience I described above with the pot brownie. I quickly got up and went outside, and eventually calmed down a bit. However, since then, I have not felt like myself. When I got the anxiety attack, I made myself believe that it was actually caused by the picture I saw, and began to associate my nervousness and anxiety with this picture. Every time I would think about the picture, I would get an adrenaline rush, and get very anxious. However as of now, I've pretty much dismissed this silly idea, and have realized that what I experienced may have been a "flashback" of the anxiety attack I had when I ate the pot brownie.

Like I said, after this anxiety attack, I have not felt like myself. For a few days after it, I have felt kind of like i am still high. I feel like i'm closer to the ground (weird, i know.), my body feels numb, and i feel like i weigh less, I feel like this "weightless" feeling, almost like i'm floating at times. This is what is worrying me a lot. Then there's the depersonalization. I first experienced it while walking home from school one day. As I walked, i felt like i was not really there. I felt like I was not in control of my own body, and this frightened my quite a bit. When I got home, I didn't truly feel like I was HOME. Everything seemed kind of off. The things that were familiar to me somehow looked distant, and unfamiliar. I am still experiencing this feeling, but to a lesser degree. Right now the thin i'm experiencing the most (and is really freaking me out) is the feeling of still being "high". I still feel numb in my head, and have trouble laughing, and experiencing joy and happiness. I still have that "weightless" feeling. I feel almost as if my head is empty, and I have trouble concentrating at times. I am very paranoid about this. I keep telling myself that I have permanently damaged my brain, and that I've ruined my life. I am still emotionally numb, and this really makes me sad







I really regret ever smoking, and just want to feel like myself again. I get thoughts like "i'm going crazy... i'm gonna die.... i'm going insane...i've ruined my life.." I hate thinking this, but it's all that i can think about. I've only smoked 7 times, so I wouldn't think the marijuana would have this type of effect on me. I've talked to some friends who are "regular users" and smoke very frequently, and they've said they haven't experienced this before.

My question is: Are these feelings of being high, and feeling numb, and weightless part of the depersonalization? Can marijuana really damage your brain the way I think it has? Will this feeling wear off and eventually go away?

Thank you very much for reading, and I hope somebody can help. I just wanna feel like myself again


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## huard (Nov 20, 2011)

YES! Finally, someone who's had a similar experience!

After the fourth time I smoked cannabis, I woke up stoned. And I stayed exactly just as stoned for an entire week. Scared the ever-loving shit out of me. However, after several months of abstinence and repeated swearing-off of the drug, stupid me decided to light up again. And again. And again. And now I'm a bit regretful of my past actions. But oh well, after living without a single speck of a sense of self, how can one not adapt?

It's a very good thing that you recognized your own personal susceptibility to becoming depersonalized early on in your exerience. I personally wish I had paid better attention to myself before becoming chronically depersonalized, since in retrospect it seems that there were many, many warning signs and indicators.

I had experiences after my first "real" (har har) experience that sound like the panic attacks you had, albeit with more of an emphasis on depersonalization and derealization than on actual panic and anxiety. But boy did I feel anxious after those episodes. It still sounds as though the DP/DR you experienced was actually quite mild compared to what some people with DPD experience, so that's very good news to you!

Honestly though, give the DP a few more days, as I said before that my own didn't clear for a week the first time. And unless you've really liked what you are experiencing, I HIGHLY recommend sparing if not eliminating your cannabis and limiting your caffeine consumption.

I hope for you the best!


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## Quifouett (Sep 13, 2011)

Don't read too much on this forum, unless you want to ask questions. Don't check all the new symptoms people are posting, it will make your experience worse. I would see a doctor to try and get some anxiety meds for the hard time and a therapy. Not much else you can do i think. Aparently it can go away with time, try not to focus on it too much even if it's next to impossible. If you want to learn a bit more about the condition I would suggest dreamer's website http://www.dreamchild.net/index.html.

Wish you best of luck.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

It sounds like your body is sensitive to psycho active substances, I'd try tappering off any and all of them, caffeine , alcohol, cigarettes, drugs etc… then see how it goes after a while, in the mean time maybe take some anxiety coping skills


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## Mango (Nov 21, 2011)

Thanks for the replies guys.

I'm on the verge of tears right now, I can't help it







I have this completely "empty" feeling in my head and my body, like as if a part of me has been taken away. I'm feeling mild dizziness, and slight head rushes. I'm also noticing a slight pressure on the bridge of my nose.

I'm definitely never smoking again in my entire life, this feeling is just horrible, I feel completely empty! I'm numbed to all emotions and thoughts. I really don't wanna feel like this anymore. I really hope this feeling is temporary and will wear off. I feel like my personality is being taken away from me









I have school in about an hour but I cannot imagine myself going feeling the way I am now. I'm most likely gonna skip at stay home.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

Feeling numb seems to be one symptom that most people have in common. I find it difficult to get angry or sad about anything anymore.

If I may suggest, going into school may be a better idea. Isolating yourself doesn't work. Being around people may bring feelings to the surface that you might want to avoid unconsciously - BUT - I reckon getting feelings out is definately a good idea.

I'm still banking on this 'condition' being centred around repressed emotions; for many people atleast. Got so much anger beneath the surface.


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