# Something soulbro mentioned about traumas



## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

Soulbro mentioned this in Gem's post and I think about it all the time. How do you all deal with big trauma's while also having dp and/or panic disorder? I worry so much about things in my life that are about to blow up and feel like I could never deal if they did because of my panic/dp. This is one of the reasons I'm having such a hard time getting to the root of my problems because I just can't rock the boat. I'm doing ok these days and I _need_ to finish school and I don't have the strength to deal with a setback. So how do you deal with tragedies when you already feel like you're standing on the edge of a cliff?


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## nemesis (Aug 10, 2004)

I work in a high stress environment, and interestingly the enough I seem to be able handle horrible situations with greater ease than before the disorder! I figure I'm under such a high level of stress 24/7 by the DP and anxiety, that any additional life event is hard pressed to increase those levels of anxiety.


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## Guest (Aug 15, 2004)

im wondering the same exact thing


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## JasonFar (Aug 13, 2004)

I like your C.S. Lewis quote Nemesis.


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## gem (Aug 10, 2004)

enngirl5, coping with trauma while having an illness such as depersonalization or panic disorder can be very tough. I suffered major trauma, not just one but many in the last few years, enough trauma to last me a life time.

I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror and suddenly felt like I no longer knew the person looking back at me. I stared at myself for a long time thinking who are you, where did you go? why do I feel so strange, the smile that once was there was no longer smiling, the eyes that were full of life looked empty and sad, there was not one part of me that did not feel different. Here it is the world of dp/dr. Oh god I thought, please do not let me stay in this hell, help me, this hurts or does it. I could not really feel the pain anymore my body and mind felt like it was numb. I would soon come find out that my emotional part of me was shutting down. I felt drained, totally lost and empty. Where do I go for help, my doctor said it is hard to find help for this condition. I felt alone. Then just as I was trying to cope with the dp/dr more trauma happened. Family members passed away from cancer, it was one loss after another, the pain was unbearable. I thought to myself how can I cope with this illness plus all the trauma, I sat down in my comfy chair and cried till I fell asleep.

I am a strong woman so I went back and looked into that mirror again and said to me who was looking back, okay this is my life which I only get to live once. I have to do my best everyday and keep trying to get well and I need to slowly walk through the traumas as they come, it is like a storm, pounding rain, lightening, thunder and then sunshine, warmth of the sun, it comforts you like a warm blanket. Let yourself feel, cry when you need to cry, do what you can to feel alive. To me dp is like feeling dead, I do not want to feel that way, so I try harder to feel alive everyday. I look for the sun, I look for the hope that someday I will be me again. Do not run from the traumas go through them, like the storm the sun will be there and it will shine down on you when you feel like the clouds will never leave. Where there is life there is hope and no matter what we go through in our lives there is one very important thing that we must remember, love and respect yourself like you would your fellow man, give yourself a hug and tell yourself that no matter what happens you will always have you, even though you feel like part of you is no longer there, rainbows do exist after the storm.

gem.


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