# I am almost recovered



## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

hi

I just wanted to share with you that I am about 70% or so healed . lately I did a blood test and an electrocardiography . my doc is not much older than me and we are like buddies a bit lol and he always takes time for his patients . especially for me since I have health anxiety. the blood test showed my sugar and fat values are fine . the ecd showed my heart rythm etc. everything is fine but my resting heart rate is very high . my doc and me settled that I will start light cardio training again and aim to become fit again . in 3 months or so if the heart rate is still too high we might do something with medication . I think part of the reason for my heart rate being so high is that I am always tensed and nervous . I was also a little nervous when the test was done .

I also want to lose weight and become my fit self again . when I am slim again and trained I hope my heart rate will become normal again

since I have high health anxiety having done these tests have made my anxiety go down dramatically .

I also stopped taking effexor 5 weeks ago . I only took 2 -3 times sulpiride since then but since 2 weeks or so I have not taken ANYTHING . which is weird because I feel somewhat okay . I only am a little nervous and a little anxious at times . the effexor made me somehow not feel like myself and made my dp a litle worse thats why I asked my psychiatrist to stop . I am thinking about asking my psychiatrist for an anti anxiety medication I can take on some days when needed

this forum also helped me . I talked to member : "kylekatarn" often and asked him a lot of stuff . he took his time and gave me hope and courage . thanks a lot bro

I think if you want to lower your dp/dr you should definitely lower your anxiety in any way possible . if you for example also have health anxiety and think your heart might have problems or whatever ....go to the doc . face with your fears . read books or whatever . lower your anxiety . I think when I start working out it will help too

man I hope I am not enjoying this right now for nothing . I hope the worst time is behind me now . trust me I know we all suffer but the way I suffered the last 4 years especially 2018 ....man ....it was ridiculous


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## Speedy69 (Apr 15, 2019)

Working out is a number one must. It doesn’t have to be weight training but definitely cardio. The best way to do it if at all possible is do cardio towards the evening a few hrs before bed. I usually do all my workouts 4 hrs before bed. Getting rid of the cortisol in the body from the heightened anxiety states does wonders. Your basically getting rid of all excess negative anxious energy from your body. Afterwards I always suggest taking bubble baths to relax while reading a book or listening to for example coffee house radio on Pandora. If your doctor prescribes you anti anxiety medication I would suggest Klonopin. The effects are longer lasting but not as strong as xanax or as quick as xanax. Klonopin on a low dose of .5mg would help me stay asleep at night when I decided I felt like I needed one. I wouldn’t suggest taking them every day because of withdrawals even tho such a low dose may not have that effect on you but an alternative is sleepy time tea. To me it’s disgusting but if you hold you nose and just down it it really does put me to sleep. I and right at 6’4 265lbs and it does that to me lol. Between working out in the evening....bubbles baths....and drinking sleepy time tea while relaxing to a movie or so at night.....u will see a difference in a few weeks. Probably won’t be over night but overall your anxiety will start to drop. At some point you may decide to do weight training which will give you goals to shoot for muscular wise. Definitely cardio. Running a mile or two a day even if you have to speed walk will be great, cycling even tho you would have to do that longer distance, swimming, speed rope combined with short sprints is great. Try to shoot for 1 hr. A day at least.


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

Speedy69 said:


> Working out is a number one must. It doesn't have to be weight training but definitely cardio. The best way to do it if at all possible is do cardio towards the evening a few hrs before bed. I usually do all my workouts 4 hrs before bed. Getting rid of the cortisol in the body from the heightened anxiety states does wonders. Your basically getting rid of all excess negative anxious energy from your body. Afterwards I always suggest taking bubble baths to relax while reading a book or listening to for example coffee house radio on Pandora. If your doctor prescribes you anti anxiety medication I would suggest Klonopin. The effects are longer lasting but not as strong as xanax or as quick as xanax. Klonopin on a low dose of .5mg would help me stay asleep at night when I decided I felt like I needed one. I wouldn't suggest taking them every day because of withdrawals even tho such a low dose may not have that effect on you but an alternative is sleepy time tea. To me it's disgusting but if you hold you nose and just down it it really does put me to sleep. I and right at 6'4 265lbs and it does that to me lol. Between working out in the evening....bubbles baths....and drinking sleepy time tea while relaxing to a movie or so at night.....u will see a difference in a few weeks. Probably won't be over night but overall your anxiety will start to drop. At some point you may decide to do weight training which will give you goals to shoot for muscular wise. Definitely cardio. Running a mile or two a day even if you have to speed walk will be great, cycling even tho you would have to do that longer distance, swimming, speed rope combined with short sprints is great. Try to shoot for 1 hr. A day at least.


I used to train a lot . I always trained in boxing and usually run/jog a lot . I will start running again tomorrow and once I can jog for 30 minutes straight I will go back to the boxing/mma gym

but when I work out late I cant sleep well lol

I doubt my doc will prescribe me Klonopin since it is a benzo . he didnt want to prescribe me ativan or xanax . I might try opipramol or something else .

what is sleepy time tea ? I live in germany . do you know the ingredients ?


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## Speedy69 (Apr 15, 2019)

That is strange. Usually a great workout a few hrs before bed helps. For me it always did. Mma is what I have done since I was 14. I am now 30. When I am not training I can feel anxiety and stress creeping in. It definitely helps me. Sleepy time tea main ingredients is Chamomile, spearmint, West Indian lemongrass, tilia flowers, blackberry leaves, orange blossoms, hawthorn berries, and rosebuds. that’s what’s on the packaging. You could possibly order it online if you need to. It has a picture of a bear on the front of the box.


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

Speedy69 said:


> That is strange. Usually a great workout a few hrs before bed helps. For me it always did. Mma is what I have done since I was 14. I am now 30. When I am not training I can feel anxiety and stress creeping in. It definitely helps me. Sleepy time tea main ingredients is Chamomile, spearmint, West Indian lemongrass, tilia flowers, blackberry leaves, orange blossoms, hawthorn berries, and rosebuds. that's what's on the packaging. You could possibly order it online if you need to. It has a picture of a bear on the front of the box.


I will try linden tea . I read some good stuff about it . but I found it through your help because when I googled for some things I read on the sleepy time tea I found linden tea

I hope I will benefit from it

btw. I am dreaming EVERY night ....always ....and I hate it . how can I get rid of dreams ? it doesnt matter if it is a good dream either I just dont want to dream anymore because I feel as if I can not rest in my mind . my mind is fully spinning through the day and when I sleep and dream the "action" continues but I dont want it . can anybody relate ? I fucking hate it


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## Al_pk (Apr 20, 2019)

If I work out too late it can make me feel too pumped for proper shut eye, working out between 12 and 3 keeps me chill (more so than normal) all day


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## Speedy69 (Apr 15, 2019)

See for my schedule I am up at 6 every morning sometimes earlier for work. When I get off I normally have other things to do. When I’m finished with that I workout. Doing mma and weight training. Once I’m done and down with bubble bath or shower I’m exhausted. So I relax the remainder of the night which may be for 4 hrs and then I go to sleep. I try to be in bed by 10 pm just so I can get a minimum of 8 hrs of sleep. A lot of times all I need is 6. Any tea that offers help with sleeping may be beneficial to you. As far as dreams go...it could be your anxiety going on as you sleep. I know any time I was in heightened states of anxiety I would dream a lot. Usually every night. Nothing wrong with dreaming when you are relaxed but I do understand that dreaming when you are anxious can be bothersome. I think when your anxiety starts to drop more and you are able to workout getting rid of excess energy and you are truly tired at night...you won’t dream as much. It may take a little while but once your workout routine gets momentum I think you will see a drastic change.


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## Al_pk (Apr 20, 2019)

Funny you mention dreams I also dream vividly every night and hate it, been like this for many months. I would love to just fall into that deep, dreamless slumber I used to get. I think it is something to do with the anxious mindset. The worst thing is I'm not normal in my dreams. I have DP in my dreams, endless nightmare


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## Grindelwald (Jul 22, 2017)

Al_pk said:


> Funny you mention dreams I also dream vividly every night and hate it, been like this for many months. I would love to just fall into that deep, dreamless slumber I used to get. I think it is something to do with the anxious mindset. The worst thing is I'm not normal in my dreams. I have DP in my dreams, endless nightmare


 I used to hate vivid dreams too. I'd start questioning reality when I was awake.


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## mana_war (Jul 3, 2014)

You can't not have dreams. Everyone had dreams. I think you just need to knock out so hard that you're not consciously aware at all when your dreaming but fast asleep. At the start I used to have the scariest dreams. Basically terrible dreams.... and not in a fun nightmare kinda way they were basically images of my own personal hell custom made for me and I'd wake up and feel the sheer anxiety of it all. A some point I because less aware of my dreams and I don't remember dreams anymore.

I think some of the times where I feel real again for a few seconds it's often when I'm sooo tired and I go to sleep under the covers...It's like your brain is too tired to keep up defenses and the dp slips a little bit. So working out before bed may be good in that way too.

I'm glad you're feeling better.
Onwards and upwards my friend!

Also is it me or is your face less depressed?


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## Cali123 (Jan 5, 2019)

Psyborg said:


> I will try linden tea . I read some good stuff about it . but I found it through your help because when I googled for some things I read on the sleepy time tea I found linden tea
> 
> I hope I will benefit from it
> 
> btw. I am dreaming EVERY night ....always ....and I hate it . how can I get rid of dreams ? it doesnt matter if it is a good dream either I just dont want to dream anymore because I feel as if I can not rest in my mind . my mind is fully spinning through the day and when I sleep and dream the "action" continues but I dont want it . can anybody relate ? I fucking hate it


Okay I'm not the only one! I hate dreams too ???? b4 dp I barely had dreams, like once in a while or if I had sugar b4 bed. My dreams aren't scary, nor seem real, they seem long though but i understand about the "action" continues part.


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## Cali123 (Jan 5, 2019)

Btw, what do you mean by you’re 70%. I see a lot of ppl saying they’re a certain percentage but what does that mean


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## Grindelwald (Jul 22, 2017)

mana_war said:


> You can't not have dreams. Everyone had dreams. I think you just need to knock out so hard that you're not consciously aware at all when your dreaming but fast asleep. At the start I used to have the scariest dreams. Basically terrible dreams.... and not in a fun nightmare kinda way they were basically images of my own personal hell custom made for me and I'd wake up and feel the sheer anxiety of it all. A some point I because less aware of my dreams and I don't remember dreams anymore.
> 
> I think some of the times where I feel real again for a few seconds it's often when I'm sooo tired and I go to sleep under the covers...It's like your brain is too tired to keep up defenses and the dp slips a little bit. So working out before bed may be good in that way too.
> 
> ...


 Ironically the best way to kill dreams is to smoke weed. Of course that's out of the question for most people with DP.


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## Phantasm (Jul 16, 2017)

No one really understands dreams or why we need to, but we do need to.


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

mana_war said:


> You can't not have dreams. Everyone had dreams. I think you just need to knock out so hard that you're not consciously aware at all when your dreaming but fast asleep. At the start I used to have the scariest dreams. Basically terrible dreams.... and not in a fun nightmare kinda way they were basically images of my own personal hell custom made for me and I'd wake up and feel the sheer anxiety of it all. A some point I because less aware of my dreams and I don't remember dreams anymore.
> 
> I think some of the times where I feel real again for a few seconds it's often when I'm sooo tired and I go to sleep under the covers...It's like your brain is too tired to keep up defenses and the dp slips a little bit. So working out before bed may be good in that way too.
> 
> ...


this pic is from 2 years ago actually xD

I will take new pics in 2 months or so when I am slim again . I started yesterday to eat different and will start to work out again . in 2 months I should be a lot slimmer and then I will take pics with the new phone of my brother . on many pics I look different from real life and I am not photogenic


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

Cali123 said:


> Btw, what do you mean by you're 70%. I see a lot of ppl saying they're a certain percentage but what does that mean


basically a lot of the dp/dr is better but I still have some of it . I dont feel fully well yet


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## Speedy69 (Apr 15, 2019)

The thing is when you dream it happens during REM sleep which is true sleep. It’s actually very healthy for the brain but I can see if you are very anxious or depressed how dreams could be a little weird. Especially in a heightened state everything causes distress so I don’t see it being any different for dreams.


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

I just came back from jogging

I have never been less fit than now . I am in horrible shape

fuck my life


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## Jason39 (May 10, 2019)

Psyborg how old are you if you dont mind sharing personal info? The reason I ask is, my doc wants me to exercise because of weight and to be fit but I am afraid it may be too late due to my age


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

Jason39 said:


> Psyborg how old are you if you dont mind sharing personal info? The reason I ask is, my doc wants me to exercise because of weight and to be fit but I am afraid it may be too late due to my age


I am 33

it is never to late lol

you could even start running/training at age 60 and go to marathons


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## Al_pk (Apr 20, 2019)

Jason39 said:


> Psyborg how old are you if you dont mind sharing personal info? The reason I ask is, my doc wants me to exercise because of weight and to be fit but I am afraid it may be too late due to my age


human body is fully operational until about age 70, and your doc has cleared you


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## Guest (May 25, 2019)

@pysborg


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

Where said:


> I heard that dreams are usually only remembered if you wake during them, which isn't typical in an undisturbed sleep cycle.


right now I sleep several hours without many if any breaks but I still remember my dreams

they bother me less now than they used to . but I would like to get rid of them . what should I do ?

@idontevenknow

I pmed you back .

I am not schizophrenic if you are asking that . I dont have delusions either . I had 2-3 weird "feelings" and not sure if they were delusions because I had high anxiety which made me feel certain ways

but you dont need to worry about it . even if you have delusions (which I dont think you do)


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

Where said:


> Waking and falling back asleep, you're very likely to have a memorable dream. So, normal tossing and turning in the morning or waking from an anxious dream can make dreams more memorable. One of the most effective lucid dreaming techniques is to wake yourself up after a long sleep and then go back to sleep.
> 
> Sorry for the gibberish phone post.


I dont want to dream at all anymore . what do I need to do ?

I am scared that I fucked up my brain chemistry with the medications I took (and abruptly stopped by myself back then) and pot I smoked etc.

fuck my life


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## Theoxcarl (May 29, 2019)

Cali123 said:


> Btw, what do you mean by you're 70%. I see a lot of ppl saying they're a certain percentage but what does that mean


I am 70% or something cured too.
You just feel more normal and have no panic anymore, but something still missing.

-mirors Stil scares me 
-LED are very bright 
-I think deep
-sometimes people feel like animal

These still my problems but most of my fears are "cured"


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

just wanted to give a short update:

so right now I am almost fully medication free since about 4 months especially the last few weeks I only took a promethazine a few times . I asked my doc to give me opipramole which I will take sometimes when the anxiety is too high and I took it 2 times and it is meh ....I will see my doc in 2 months again and then we will see

sometimes I am close to 80% recovery but sometimes I have Panic and obsessive thoughts . especially health anxiety . I also had a Panic attack a few days ago but I went through it without going to the emergency or taking a benzo or whatever . I actually fought myself through it and I am actually proud of it and it feels as if I did a big step forward

in the last days I am analysing my life and I am even more sure now that DP is because of Trauma and because you havent handled/worked with your past yet .

I also opened a thread not long ago about how a big reason why we endure this shit is because of feeling helpless and not trusting in others and ourselves and that we need control

it is because of the victim position I have been in for many years because of my father first and foremost .

dp is basically the result of high anxiety and stress and not having control . it gets too much for you and your mind dissociates from it and makes you get dp. and the anxiety which you then get extra because of the DP (because dp freaks you out) is basically the opposite of the feeling "everything will be fine . dont worry ist ok" etc. . thats also why benzos are working so well and are so addictive and dangerous . benzos give that feeling of "everything is okay"

I will soon apply for a daily hospitalization where you get therapy and group therapy . I hope it will be good

ask me if you have questions


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

Where said:


> I'm glad you feel free now, Psyborg. That's really fantastic, and hopefully it's what many of us on DPSH are working towards. Is daily hospitalization the same an intensive outpatient, where you go to get therapy during the day and return home in the evening? I think that can be really beneficial, because there will be multiple professionals there, and plenty of people you might be able to relate with.


thanks for your words mate

well I dont feel free yet . I still struggle especially with health anxiety and I still have weird thoughts etc. . but as I said at least I feel better especially compared ot last year ....2018 was a big pain in the ass

and yes you correctly described the daily hospital thing that I am planning to go to


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## Psyborg (Dec 23, 2018)

Where said:


> A hospitalization program like that helped me a lot. You said you lived with your father who was oppressive? Was that recently, or long ago? If you're living on your own now or with someone you trust, as a relatively free person, that's very good.


it was when I was a child and teen . . if it was now he wouldnt be able to oppress me 

he basically made life for my mom and us kids horrible . and he is mentally ill himself . my life is a big trauma tbh.


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