# Totally not in control



## Aleks_ (May 13, 2016)

This feeling of never feeling alone is getting worse. I feel like whenever I move around my house Im not consciously making the decisions with in my movements. I've always had this feeling but lately I feel like I've completly lost my self and I have to spend most of my day occupied speaking to someone, When Im left in silence with me and my thoughts I feel like theres me (my conscious) and the DP form of me controlling my body. Its so weird. I hate it. I just really don't feel like theres any trace of the old me left. I feel like everything, everyone, everywhere is on the brink of breaking. Like its gonna collapse and crush me. And when it does what is my escape plan? If I were to be stuck in pure darkness with such an unbalanced, and unstable mind who would rescue me? Would I be stuck there? Would it be real? A few of the few stupid thoughts that go through my head when I'm left alone. Just sounding it out loud I know it's "anxiety" within my DP but I just hate that medical term. It feels so patronizing. It feels like so much more than that. So real. My arms for example, you could not convince me that when I look down whilst typing this in the bottom corner of my eyes that these arms belong to me. The are freely moving across the keyboard it seems.I always have to have headphones in ALWAYS, to drown out my thoughts and pretend like it's not there. This isn't that hard as I'm still a teenager. I wanna leave the house more often to go the gym but I fear extended alone time. What should I do and does anyone else feel any of this?


----------



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Same. No control. No awareness at ALL of any human being in my body. I don't feel my body. I want to die.


----------



## i_feel_trapped (Jul 19, 2016)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> Same. No control. No awareness at ALL of any human being in my body. I don't feel my body. I want to die.


Trust me guys, it gets worse and worse but it will level out. I used to always be afraid it would just get worse and worse until I just "disappeared" but it leveled out. I hope this helped and if you ever need anything PM me because im ALWAYS here.


----------

