# new here 13 years old and have dp



## savana (Nov 17, 2010)

hello everyone. My name is Savana. About one month ago i smoked weed for the second time, and I got into this wierd state. They call it "dream mode". Which is very quite normal to get when high, but considering i have sevre anxiety, I freaked out. Every since then I felt strange. Everything looked wierd, can't quite explain it, but it deff was weird. After about a month I got a panic attack at the store. My heart started to beat extremely fast, and it started to feel like I was in that dream mode for about 5 seconds. That quickly wore off, but the feeling as if I was going to pass out didn't. I was extremely scared. It happened a couple more times after that. But, now it feels like im always dreaming, I have to constanly remind myself who I am. It feels like I have no control over my legs or arms, but yet I do. I can't think straight,, and it feels like im going insane. I just recently had the nerve to look it up on the interenet, turns out i have depersonalization, or so I think. All im asking is how long will this last? I honestly can't take it much longer! What will help to get out of this state? I am honestly desperate, I can not go on living like this


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## TheStarter (Oct 19, 2010)

Welcome to the forum,
Im sorry to hear what you have been through,

The first thing to do is not fear it, its a harmless self defence mechanism of your brain.
It saw being high as a 'life danger' threat, which triggered (in this case i would say your DP and DR)
I've been having it for almost a month and a half now, and i agree, it sucks.

You're definatly not alone, keep in mind that you need to tell your parents about this, cause the quicker doctors analyze this, the bigger the chance is that it will go away faster.

Do not dwell on it, simply cause there is no need to, dwelling on it is not dangerous, but it isn't helping either.

What i did is to distract myself as much as possible (really helps!) do things that can make you laugh, i went to a psychiatrist, he gave me some anti anxiety medication, and a happiness booster, and they help!
Im also staying home from school now cause else it will be too much for me, if thats the same in your case, i would recommend to take a week or 2-3 to stay home, and learn why you have this, and how you get this.

No need to worry, you aren't going to die from this, there is a chance you will feel shit, which in my case is i couldnt accept the fact that this might take a few weeks/months and perhaps years to recover from it, i have accepted it now, im still the person i was before i had this, and im feeling alot better









Greetings,
TheStarter


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## savana (Nov 17, 2010)

TheStarter said:


> Welcome to the forum,
> Im sorry to hear what you have been through,
> 
> The first thing to do is not fear it, its a harmless self defence mechanism of your brain.
> ...


thank you for replying. i did tell my mother, and she just laughed not taking it seriously at all. lol. But, yeah im pratically failing because of how much school i missed, so im forced to go everyday. i hate having panic attacks in school because you have to act like nothing is happening because people would think im a complete nut. i just breathe and try to stay calm, and eventually the attack will go away, but unfortenely the dp never does. im glad the medication is helping for you, does your therapist understand what your going through? like, im scared if i go to the doctors theyll think a crazy along with my mother.
i actually have been doing a tad better since my first post here, ive learned how to distract myself, but some days its just unbearable.
i wish you luck with this though


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## meta_synthesis (Nov 27, 2010)

savana said:


> hello everyone. My name is Savana. About one month ago i smoked weed for the second time, and I got into this wierd state. They call it "dream mode". Which is very quite normal to get when high, but considering i have sevre anxiety, I freaked out. Every since then I felt strange. Everything looked wierd, can't quite explain it, but it deff was weird. After about a month I got a panic attack at the store. My heart started to beat extremely fast, and it started to feel like I was in that dream mode for about 5 seconds. That quickly wore off, but the feeling as if I was going to pass out didn't. I was extremely scared. It happened a couple more times after that. But, now it feels like im always dreaming, I have to constanly remind myself who I am. It feels like I have no control over my legs or arms, but yet I do. I can't think straight,, and it feels like im going insane. I just recently had the nerve to look it up on the interenet, turns out i have depersonalization, or so I think. All im asking is how long will this last? I honestly can't take it much longer! What will help to get out of this state? I am honestly desperate, I can not go on living like this


I love you. Thank you for sharing.


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## Guest (Nov 28, 2010)

meta_synthesis said:


> I love you. Thank you for sharing.


^creep. Wow, I'm sorry to hear you're disaffected so young. You're now acutely aware that you are alive in nearly every moment? This is not so bad. If you want to escape it, ignore it. Every time you think you're freaking out, jump into something very personal to you. A movie, a song, a memory. If you're lucky, you'll make it out, with time. No one can say how long. Now, if these options aren't cutting it, jump in even deeper. Look at your hands, they don't seem yours, yet as you touch a nerve is stricken and goes straight to your heart. They are more yours than ever. Your physical body has created a consciousness to maintain itself. You're are part of this planet. Life itself. You are a small, but integral, part of this universe. You are here just because. Because life has to find new ways to keep going. Life itself is god. You will live forever. Life is contributed to more in death than in living.

My goodness, what am I saying. You are 13. You are so full of emotion that you may at times doubt your disbelief in Santa Claus. This is good! Ignore it. This is the way to flow down the river with your friends and family. You only have depersonalization because you figure you do. Because you dwell on it is exactly why you have it. There are moments, you know this, that you are NOT so tragically aware of your self. You are great, you are you. That is just fine. Nothing more is expected of you. Be yourself. You are not weird. If anything, you're on the next plateau of thinking. Your friends can only hope, in five years, to be near the thoughts that may gently flow through your mind. Everything IS strange. You are NOT weird. Don't panic, smile. You have more control now than most. Because your limbs don't seem yours is exactly why you can control them all the more.

Yikes, ^creep. (me) Perhaps in eight years, having discovered liquor and Radiohead, you'll understand this. Perhaps even I will.

You're not crazy. You are you. A crazy person would see things that were not there. You see things in HD.


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## savana (Nov 17, 2010)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> ^creep. Wow, I'm sorry to hear you're disaffected so young. You're now acutely aware that you are alive in nearly every moment? This is not so bad. If you want to escape it, ignore it. Every time you think you're freaking out, jump into something very personal to you. A movie, a song, a memory. If you're lucky, you'll make it out, with time. No one can say how long. Now, if these options aren't cutting it, jump in even deeper. Look at your hands, they don't seem yours, yet as you touch a nerve is stricken and goes straight to your heart. They are more yours than ever. Your physical body has created a consciousness to maintain itself. You're are part of this planet. Life itself. You are a small, but integral, part of this universe. You are here just because. Because life has to find new ways to keep going. Life itself is god. You will live forever. Life is contributed to more in death than in living.
> 
> My goodness, what am I saying. You are 13. You are so full of emotion that you may at times doubt your disbelief in Santa Claus. This is good! Ignore it. This is the way to flow down the river with your friends and family. You only have depersonalization because you figure you do. Because you dwell on it is exactly why you have it. There are moments, you know this, that you are NOT so tragically aware of your self. You are great, you are you. That is just fine. Nothing more is expected of you. Be yourself. You are not weird. If anything, you're on the next plateau of thinking. Your friends can only hope, in five years, to be near the thoughts that may gently flow through your mind. Everything IS strange. You are NOT weird. Don't panic, smile. You have more control now than most. Because your limbs don't seem yours is exactly why you can control them all the more.
> 
> ...


thank you so much for responding. I understand what your saying, and I have ocd so my tendancy is to obbessive over things. recently ive been starting to actually leave my bedroom, and go out with my friends, but its not easy. i still see everything as if i was looking through glass or dreamy, whatever you want to call it. today, though is one of those bad days when all you can do is sleep because looking at the world is so completely terrrifying I cant even stand to keep my eyes open. my thoughts are driving me insane as well. but, hey your right im still young i have alot of time to conquer this hell. im just afraid it will take years because right now i know that im not even close to recovery. thank you again for taking the time to give me some peace in mind.


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## Guest (Nov 29, 2010)

savana said:


> thank you so much for responding. I understand what your saying, and I have ocd so my tendancy is to obbessive over things. recently ive been starting to actually leave my bedroom, and go out with my friends, but its not easy. i still see everything as if i was looking through glass or dreamy, whatever you want to call it. today, though is one of those bad days when all you can do is sleep because looking at the world is so completely terrrifying I cant even stand to keep my eyes open. my thoughts are driving me insane as well. but, hey your right im still young i have alot of time to conquer this hell. im just afraid it will take years because right now i know that im not even close to recovery. thank you again for taking the time to give me some peace in mind.


No problem







. Personally, I felt as if a tiny person looking out of a high floored window at the top of some strange flesh building. Mine came literally over night before my 20th birthday. I drank whiskey, tons of, on an empty stomach throughout the day/night and crazy things later happened. Very emotional, up and down, crazy events. I woke up, my birthday. I began it by puking in the sink, lol. My friends and family all around, very effort-fully creating a little party thing for me and I felt nothing. I was huuung over, so I expected this strangeness to fade. Two weeks later, it was present. Two months later, I wanted to die. This changed however, after I received a particular book on Christmas. Tao Te Ching. Very old Chinese philosophy that very much describes the state of depersonalization. It describes it as our base form. Reality. The book made me feel not like I was a weirdo, but very sharp and perceptive. I never feared my state again. I embraced it. I awoke every morning from then on, almost ecstatic to just go for a walk, think and be at one with this life. Now, I was twenty. It was a good time for me. You on the other hand, who knows? Though, I do suggest, if you're soon in a library or book store, that you find that book. Spend 3-4 minutes to read. Then again, it may do nothing for you. And that is just fine.

Anyways, gawl! I go on and on. I wish you the best, I really do. You are here in this life to smile and feel good things. There is nothing more to it than that. Don't put a bunch of pressure on yourself. Be good


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## savana (Nov 17, 2010)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> No problem
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh wow, so it seems like dp is triggered by drinking or drugs? Did the book help you get out of dp or anything like that, or did it just help you to accecpt it?
Well, im happy for you that it did help!
Thank you so much, I wish you the best as well.


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## Kitr (Jul 7, 2009)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> No problem
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So whats the title of the book or any stuff that helped you?

Thanks!!!


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## Guest (Nov 29, 2010)

Kitarist said:


> So whats the title of the book or any stuff that helped you?
> 
> Thanks!!!


Hi







It's called 'Tao Te Ching' by Lao Tzu. Here is a verse from it that transformed my fear and doubt into serenity.

Stop thinking, and end your problems.
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?
How ridiculous!

Other people are excited,
as though they were at a parade.
I alone don't care,
I alone am expressionless,
like an infant before it can smile.

Other people have what they need;
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about,
like someone without a home.
I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.

Other people are bright;
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharper;
I alone am dull.
Other people have a purpose;
I alone don't know.
I drift like a wave on the ocean,
I blow as aimless as the wind.

I am different from ordinary people.
I drink from the Great Mother's breasts.

--- I opened randomly to this page and never thought the same again. I took this from www.tao-mother.org, you can find more there if you'd like.


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## christy (Dec 19, 2010)

ItCouldBeRobots said:


> Hi
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Savana: I am so sorry to hear about your symptoms. I strongly advise you to get help soon. I started getting dp/dr symptoms when I was around your age (around 11 or 12), and i really wish I had the courage like you to face my fears and research these "weird feelings" online.

ItCouldBeRobots: Thank you so much for that poem. It's 2 AM here, can't sleep, lying awake thinking about life. Mainly racked with a feeling of jealousy that some people have such "normal" lives, worrying about "normal" things like boyfriends and grades. Your poem gave me a sense of peace.


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