# Can I ask advice on here on a non-DP/DR related topic?



## smooshkin (Dec 17, 2005)

Hi

Can I ask a non-DP/DR question...need some brain help today!!!

Thanks xxx


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## Guest (Jan 18, 2006)

Sure, just post it in the right forum.


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

smooshkin said:


> Hi
> 
> Can I ask a non-DP/DR question...need some brain help today!!!
> 
> Thanks xxx


What's on your mind?


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## smooshkin (Dec 17, 2005)

hi...sorry i was away. I couldnt find a forum to write this in. I figured peeps used this place loads and hey i fanicied NOT talking about DP tonight.....ok let me begin. My best mate (a man called X) is dating a girl (called Y). I am a girl...my name is Smooshkin I have a boyfriend. X and Y have been going out for 9 years....Y has what I believe to be a BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) She fits all symptoms...esp the ones about appetite not eating etc etc....she eats 1 slice (thin) of ham a day....thats it...nothing else. She hates pot, X likes pot, Y hates X smoking pot. X also like computer games Y hates computer games and him playing them. X and Y USED to be the best couple in the group about 6 years ago. me and boyf have been dating for 6 years and have been best mates with X since then. Y hates me cos X is my best mate and I love him to bits....Y does not like this. Y also hates my boyf...for the same reasons NOT TALKING SEXY LOVE HERE....He has debts, no job and has been living with Y's parents and her for the last 3 years (it was only meant to be for 6 months) Y hates all of X's friends. Y does not have friends. X tries his hardest with Y, The only way he can leave Y is to leave the house. But he has no where to live. His parents live 35,000000000000000000000000000 miles away (they are not dead!!)
Anyway me and boyf have our own place...2 bedrooms, a lounge and a kitchen and a bathroom etc.....we love living together...we have 2 pussycats......I love him, he loves me.....
So my question is this.....

X - Y = homeless/jobless/incomeless 
smoosh+boyf = Life Struggles but Coping
X-Y+smoosh+boyf = ???

Hes a bit messy and his feet smell........

WHAT DO I DO??? Answers please.....maybe a prize too!! Cheersxxx


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## smooshkin (Dec 17, 2005)

Can I also add that depite the added humor Im actually stressing out about this.....So many questions....I cant let down my best mate...who has no one really except me and my boyf........But can I really live with someone else as well as boyf...what witht he panic and anxiety and DP/DR but if I cant help i'll be guilty and still DP and kooky!!
Hes very unhappy too. Not Smoking-to-much-dope unhappy...just like Life-Is-Pants unhappy!! Do I ask him to move in and risk it causing stresses and strains but helping out a mate (and I wouldnt want him living anywhere else) or Saying NO and seeing him with even more than nothing....
mmm''even more than nothing.....Does that mean there is something???''
Maybe I should have said ..Even less than Something...Oh well....i just need some friendly advice....xxx


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

Hi,

I can relate a lot to this, as I allowed someone to live with me for a while.

This person had no job, either, and would have been homeless otherwise.

Very smart guy, but had no drive to work.

How old is X? I'm going to guess at least 25 to 30 years old range.

Why doesn't he work? Is he disabled? If so, he should look into SSD.

I'm going to guess he's like the lazy joker funny guy who everyone likes, but has no personal responsibility/accountability.

When I allowed someone to move in with me, it was just him, so just the two of us. Not four of us. So that's a bit of a different dynamic.

Also, this guy did not play video games or do any drugs.

After 4 months of him telling me that he was sending out resumes and going on interviews, looking for work, I found out he wasn't doing anything but going out and driving around all day, to make me think he was looking for a job.

If you allow X and Y to move in, or just X, you have to lay down some pretty stringent ground rules up front, just so there's no confusion.

Personally, I think you may be asking for a disaster.

I only use the word "disaster" because it's not like X is between jobs or anything. In that case, living with you guys temporarily could very well work, and you'd be helping out a friend immensely.

However, he may use your kind gesture as an excuse to continue to graze all day, while you and your boyfriend work your butts off.

Proceed with caution. Will X be helping with living expenses, rent, mortgate, whatever it is? How long would you allow him to stay? 3 months? 6 months? 12 months? Longer?

If he really is 25 or older and otherwise healthy, he should be taking the initiative to start his own life, with his girlfriend. Allowing him to stay with you kind of advocates co-dependency which, over time, could harm your friendship with him.

Comments on what I wrote? I hope I helped some. This just is never an easy call.

Best,

Jeff


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## smooshkin (Dec 17, 2005)

Hes got tons of personality but shes sucked him dry of all hope for life. He used to be dynamic and motivated and the soul of the party. Now hes just a weak man at the hands of conveeeeneeeeience (?). Hes an absolute poppet. I lived with him for a bit before he lived with her parents. He let me out a room of his after my accomodatioon fell thru (i was being ripped off). Shes the jealous type. I think he wants rid. Its a cathy and heathcliffe thing, love and hate and the good ole line between it. I can see that there is a possibility of being taken advantage of. I know im one of those people who just will do anything for anyone.....if they are nice to me. Hes very caring and very sweet but shes turned him into a nothing. Shes spiteful too...but he cant leave her because if he does where will he live but hes deperately unhappy and wants out as well...So much to do!!!


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## smooshkin (Dec 17, 2005)

Thanks btw 1A for your comments. If it was me id say dump the bitch come live with me and i'll make you marmite on toast with a nice cuppa tea and we'll get you on the straight road...but im frightned to open my mouth cos stuff like that comes out and I dont want him to cry or be angry at me....NOW IM PARANOID
but thanks anyway
i hope you have had a nice day today.


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

smooshkin said:


> I know im one of those people who just will do anything for anyone.....if they are nice to me.


Can I move in too? I'm nice, I swear!!!! 

[ just teasing!

... about the moving in part!]


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## smooshkin (Dec 17, 2005)

as far im concerned EVERIONE can live with me..ITs fun here you can do what you like and I will make us all a nice roast dinner and bathe everyione.....


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## Guest (Jan 19, 2006)

I'm in!


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## Universal (May 30, 2005)

I'm sweet and I'm funny, I'm like that guy bugs bunny. i'm invading your tv. seriously and im also invading your living room. can i come along i have some banannas tucked away in my socks


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## Guest (Jan 19, 2006)

Here are things to consider:

1. Why isn't he working?

2. Even if he wants out of the rel. with X, would he wind up resenting you for being part of the effort to separate them? That's irrational, but people are like that.

3. Would you only invite him from guilt - I know you really love him to bits, but that doesn't mean you want to live with him, so would the deciding factor be your guilt/sense of obligation?

4. Would you feel like he was a dead weight in your household if he didn't work or clean up the way you like it? (This would really bother me, though I wish it wouldn't, it's how I am since I got dp.)


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

perhaps you should let him come live with you on the condition that he find a job and move out within a certain length of time (like 3 months or something). if you trust him (like i'm sure you do), he will have found a job by then. why doesnt he have a job, by the way?


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## smooshkin (Dec 17, 2005)

Hey...

He does actually have a job at present but his boss is his girlfs dad...and hes a bit funny....plus I think it would make the break up worse if he still had that connection at work. It would be easier to move him in, rent free, so he could rest a bit and then look for a new job and then with the money he earns from that pay off his outstanding debts (which has made it impossible for him to get a place of his own) pay them off then he can start a fresh new life.
The boy needs a lot of repairing. She has literally drained everything from him. Hes like a nothing now....i know how he feels. plus i kinda like the thought of having another body in the house. Its a bit more fun and plus the fact when my boyf goes out for the night and I dont want to go outside...my mate cn keep me company...play some xbox and such like...i dunno. If my head was straight then my decision would be so hard...but i feel so confudgulated.....Have I got the strength to look after someone else??? I would still be doing all the housework and cooking and stuff ...I couldnt bear the thought of someone else doing my housework.....id go insane...!! Thanks for your comments peeps!!


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

aaahhhhdunno. :? the feet thing is a bit off-putting. hed have to fix that sh!t before moving in. i would just tell him, but if you dont want to be rude you can just spray the hell out of the inside of his shoes with febreze when he isnt looking.


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## smooshkin (Dec 17, 2005)

I'll just slip him something in his dinner and wait till hes out cold then give his feets a really good scrubbing....eewww actually no...i'll just inform him politely that his odorous feet are offending my senses.....he he he....Oh well he'll have an awful lot to put up with if he moves in...what with the DP the panics and the PMT hes gonna have a ''GREAT'' time.... Although im never pissed off for more than 10 minutes when i blow i blow......I never really get annoyed at things...im pretty hippified....but like I said catch me at a bad moment and WHHHOOOOOOOHHOOOOO!!


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## Guest (Jan 20, 2006)

[quote name="sleepingbeauty" you can just spray the hell out of the inside of his shoes with febreze when he isnt looking.[/quote]

Search febreze toxic nerve and see if you think it's an 
innocuous product.

An analogy is: it's the Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls of musical talent - a corporate concoction, appealing to the ignorant masses.

FEBREZE is among the most TOXIC, UNNECESSARY, SLEAZY CORPORATE products ever to hit the grocery shelves. I have so much to say on it I don't know where to start. If you hate your pets, your nervous system and the earth's environment, go ahead and buy that toxic crap. I'm working to get it forever banned.

There are dozens of better ways to deal with stinky feet. Maybe he needs new shoes and to rotate wearing different shoes and going barefoot a lot.
Maybe he needs to scrub his feet - I hate to think what mine would be like if I didn't scrub them daily. Keep some little charcoal dessicants in his shoes when he's not wearing them. He might need to add 50mg-100mg of zinc to his diet.

Search stinky feet natural cure.

Honestly, there's a sensible, earth-friendly method for every corporate-quack product you can think of.

[/i]


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## Guest (Jan 20, 2006)

SleepingBeauty - you know how sensitive you were to the electronic insect or mouse contraption? Many otherwise healthy people have much worse sensitivities to the formaldehyde, nerve agents, phenols, etc.

go to http://www.benderplace.com/allcreatures ... tm#Febreze

http://consumerlawpage.com/article/hous ... cals.shtml

for just one opinion on how it affects him and pets. I have a chihuahua and a small parrot and have eliminated all chemically scented products from inside and outside my home. I did it for me, but soon realized how good it was for the other animals too. We look very normal, but are as toxin-free as possible. People come into my home and remark how calm it feels and I know it's because there are no chemical scents.


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## sleepingbeauty (Aug 18, 2004)

lol. i thought I was the environmental militant around here. (hands torch to beachgirl) :lol:


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2006)

Am I the only person who finds this thread very confusing?


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2006)

bro,I've never been good at math.
all thos x's and y's

all I know is smelly feet,sorry no can do.

thanks beachgirl,I won't be buying febreze ever again.Damn that stuff was excellent for odors.
any suggestions?


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2006)

Yes, Shelley there are lots of excellent natural things.

http://www.care2.com has lots of ideas. I'll post others when I locate them in my bookmarks.

What do you want to deodorize?


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2006)

have a house doggie.She gets washed enough but still sometimes after she's been out in the rain.
Maybe also in this humid weather.

You know when houses have that doggie smell,even though it's mild I'd prefer it not to be there.
She's spoilt sleeps in the beds,on couches.


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2006)

Plain washing soda is very good at getting out odors. Do you have washable covers on your couches, etc, or would you have to spot clean?
Tell me what you actually want to clean or deodorize and I'll tell you if I have a good solution for it. You can pm me if you want.


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Dear Beachgirl, 
Good for you! Your way ahead of the curve! I'm in total agreement with you. My apartment is chemical free. With my porphyria, any chemicals, but especially petroleum chemicals, make me ill. I use all natural body products now (the rule of thumb is that if you cant eat it, dont put it on your skin), and eat only organic foods. My next step is moving out into the country and doing some sauna treatments, as petroleum is stored in fat cells, I think it will decrease my chemical sensitivities. And I was just admitted into the Catholic college I wanted, and it too is out in the country. I'll continue to do medical consulting for law firms like I have been, but I'm hopefully getting a job on a ranch out in the country. It'll be great being back out in my element. I have Trueair filters in the sockets of our apartment with activated charcoal filters, as they have been shown to remove chemicals from the air. About 15 percent of the population has a degree of porphyria, so some people will notice more mental peace in a chemical free zone.

Peace
Homeskooled


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2006)

Homeskooled said:


> Dear Beachgirl,
> Good for you! Your way ahead of the curve! I'm in total agreement with you. My apartment is chemical free. With my porphyria, any chemicals, but especially petroleum chemicals, make me ill. I use all natural body products now (the rule of thumb is that if you cant eat it, dont put it on your skin), and eat only organic foods. My next step is moving out into the country and doing some sauna treatments, as petroleum is stored in fat cells, I think it will decrease my chemical sensitivities. And I was just admitted into the Catholic college I wanted, and it too is out in the country. I'll continue to do medical consulting for law firms like I have been, but I'm hopefully getting a job on a ranch out in the country. It'll be great being back out in my element. I have Trueair filters in the sockets of our apartment with activated charcoal filters, as they have been shown to remove chemicals from the air. About 15 percent of the population has a degree of porphyria, so some people will notice more mental peace in a chemical free zone.
> 
> Peace
> Homeskooled


That's great news. You said "my element" - I love the country too, always wanted to live in it.
Do you think your home environment is noticably calmer without chemical cleaners than it used to be? I think those of use with anxiety could all benefit from a chemical-free home, since all the corporate commercial ones contain nerve agents or neuro-toxins.

And that's another reason to go chemical-free - most of the commercial products use petroleum-bases in them and are wasting that resource.


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Yes, Beachgirl, I'm sure that its a definite possibility. There have been studies done, and I beleive they showed that even if you take the poplulation difference into account, schizophrenia is much more common in cities than the country. There has always been too much pollution in cities, at least since the 1800's. Yes, EVERYTHING is now petroleum based. I'm not anti-petroleum, but really, CANT we find a way to use some other resource? Its just so toxic. I'd love to go out to Montana - people with chemical sensitivities do great out there.

I've sort of discovered a cure for chemical sensitivities. It was proposed by some scientists (probably chemists or pharmacoligists) back in the 70s. The idea was that your liver enzymes are made of porphyrins. People with multiple chemical sensitivities have symptoms (same symptoms as people with clinical porphyria -the two diseases are the same thing) because they lack an enzyme that turns the porphyrins into liver enzymes. So when we use up the enzymes by being around Febreze, our bodies make porphyrins to replace the used up liver enzymes. Oops! We dont have an enzyme to transform the porphyrins back into liver enzymes! And so the porphyrins, tiny proteins, build up in our blood streams, traveling along nerve pathways, making us flush, get nauseous, and lightheaded. People with MCS always blame it on the chemical itself, but its really a protein that gets released as a result of the chemical. But I digress. The idea is that you could take an old antacid, Cimetidine (tagamet), which caused alot of side effects because it slowed down your liver, making other medications take a long time to work, and if you took it on a daily basis, slow down your body's need for liver enzymes, and consequently, the buildup of porphyrins. It works like a charm for me, and I'm thinking of patenting a forumlation of it and combining it with another liverslowing med. Although, unfortunately, it has a testosterone weakening and estrogen strengthening effect, so my libido is alot lower than usual. (I'm a high testosterone guy). In really bad cases, a guy could get gynecomastia, which is male breasts. Luckily, my young testosterone production is canceling out that side effect, at least so far.

In any event, I expect I'll be doing more work in this field as I get older, and perhaps even writing a book on the subject. When medicine is done ambitiously and technically, its very exciting and gratifying. Maybe this is my calling - studying diseases from a desk and proposing cures.

Peace
Homeskooled


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## Guest (Jan 24, 2006)

Homeskooled said:


> Yes, Beachgirl, I'm sure that its a definite possibility. There have been studies done, and I beleive they showed that even if you take the poplulation difference into account, schizophrenia is much more common in cities than the country. There has always been too much pollution in cities, at least since the 1800's. Yes, EVERYTHING is now petroleum based. I'm not anti-petroleum, but really, CANT we find a way to use some other resource? Its just so toxic. I'd love to go out to Montana - people with chemical sensitivities do great out there.
> 
> I've sort of discovered a cure for chemical sensitivities. It was proposed by some scientists (probably chemists or pharmacoligists) back in the 70s. The idea was that your liver enzymes are made of porphyrins. People with multiple chemical sensitivities have symptoms (same symptoms as people with clinical porphyria -the two diseases are the same thing) because they lack an enzyme that turns the porphyrins into liver enzymes. So when we use up the enzymes by being around Febreze, our bodies make porphyrins to replace the used up liver enzymes. Oops! We dont have an enzyme to transform the porphyrins back into liver enzymes! And so the porphyrins, tiny proteins, build up in our blood streams, traveling along nerve pathways, making us flush, get nauseous, and lightheaded. People with MCS always blame it on the chemical itself, but its really a protein that gets released as a result of the chemical. But I digress. The idea is that you could take an old antacid, Cimetidine (tagamet), which caused alot of side effects because it slowed down your liver, making other medications take a long time to work, and if you took it on a daily basis, slow down your body's need for liver enzymes, and consequently, the buildup of porphyrins. It works like a charm for me, and I'm thinking of patenting a forumlation of it and combining it with another liverslowing med. Although, unfortunately, it has a testosterone weakening and estrogen strengthening effect, so my libido is alot lower than usual. (I'm a high testosterone guy). In really bad cases, a guy could get gynecomastia, which is male breasts. Luckily, my young testosterone production is canceling out that side effect, at least so far.
> 
> ...


So many things I want to respond to, don't have much time. So....maybe you're feeling shyer about dating because of the hormone alteration you mentioned.

Schiz'ia higher in polluted areas? That's interesting.


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