# Self Esteem



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Ok so here's a question does anyone on here have high self esteem?

I think low self esteem is a major root cause for this along with poor emotional intelligence!


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## Reborn (Jun 24, 2011)

Good question. Before DP I had really bad self-esteem, which I can safely say was caused by the way I was raised, and would often led to depression. Now that I have no emotions, I don't really beat myself up about stuff and probably have a higher sense of self-esteem due to the narcissistic aspects of DP, although with regards to recovery I have little faith in myself. Kinda complicated, but that's just how shit is these days.


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## Smallz (Oct 18, 2010)

In my experience, I've always had pretty decent self esteem and been super laid back. I didn't think it was possible, but I'm even more chill than before. I'm sure you can relate as far as being numb to everything and everyone around you. As far as my self esteem now, mine has remained the same. Of course I hate living with DP, but I think the confidence in myself has helped me cope with having this. I have to constantly tell myself "no one else can tell that something's wrong with me".


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

I don't think self esteem causes it, but sure it could contribute to it


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## Reborn (Jun 24, 2011)

fallinlove said:


> As a senior member of _DPselfhelp_ kate, I'm wanting to see better answers than that from you. I'm wanting to see some genuine empathy with the poster, I'm wanting to see some guidance and support from superior experience, and I'm wanting to see deeper unpacking of concepts and reasoning. Thanks a lot for your contributions up to this point, I trust we'll see some more great leadership and sincerity from you in the future. xoxo


lol. I want. I want. I want. I want. I want...

I can't believe people get upset over shit ppl say on the FUCKING INTERNET.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

I can't stand how society relentlessly crucifies, labels and judges victims of abuse when they are not able to cope with the intense emotions provoked by less than ideal circumstances. It's just wrong when the 'well adjusted' in society like to scoff at others for having 'poor emotional intelligence' or whatever personality disorder, it's so holier than thou. If you ask me, I think alot of people with dp tend to think outside of the box and not be followers, it's a lonely uphill battle to go against the grain.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

fyi MissJess, here is an article that states that self esteem doesn't make better people of us

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200805/self-esteem-doesnt-make-better-people-us


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## Guest (Sep 22, 2012)

Jesus loves you.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

PedroSanchez said:


> always figured that to have self esteem, needed to have a sense of self, which seems to be lacking in dp. imo, it is like asking a butcher for hummus - its not something he gets involved in


If you go by the philosophy that whatever in the body or mind is weakest is compromised first then it would make sense that a weak sense of self will be under attack when mental stress strikes. I know when I was abused in my life people would really go for the jugular and be cruel and try to make me feel worthless, literally try to rip my sense of self apart. Under duress, my dp symptoms would mimic what was being done to me, cutting at my very core, my sense of self already poked through by abusers. I still like to think that I have pretty good self esteem and sense of self because if I didn't I wouldn't be so outraged and upset over the abuse I've endured but the reality is that I let the mental abuse go on and on and just suppressed my anger instead of using it as impetus to leave sadistic people.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

fallinlove said:


> The more I look at this site, the more sense what you are saying makes. Hard to say though, because the whole of modern culture is at the level of McDonalds. Speaking for myself personally, this is proly one of my last posts on this board, as I have a need to communicate with people who have a little more depth --


I believe the key to overcoming dpd has everything to do with processing whatever offends you in life that isn't changing anytime soon, for example as you put it 'the whole of modern culture being at the level of McDonalds' or the people on this board who lack emotional intelligence or whatever else enervates you. By proactively reevaluating circumstances in a more positive way, you'll save your brain the effort of putting you in a dp state to cope with what you have told yourself are unfavorable circumstances. Someone here posted that you need to view life as an opportunity and not something to be endured and that's really the mindset you need to have to banish dp. I don't happen to be a practicing Christian but the serenity prayer has always resonated with me:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

fallinlove said:


> Good bye!!
> 
> (Many may not be aware, that the "dumbed down" culture, to steal a phrase from Charlotte Thomson Iserbyt, is actually unique only to America, Japan, _etc_; the majority of the people on Earth are still intelligent, sensitive, and non-neurotic. *applies for new passport*)


I think it's all or nothing thinking to say that 'dumbed down' culture is exclusive to the US or whatever countries. We live in a global society now. It's such a sad state of affairs when the world drives you mad and pushes you to your limits to the point where you need to dissociate then turns around and puts a big label on you that you're neurotic and you're this and you're that when all you're trying to do is change (what you think you can) that's wrong and stand up for yourself. Why contribute to that? I think a great source of angst for people with dp is spinning theirs wheels and expending their mental energy over what essentially is unchangeable in their lifetime.


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## Question-Everything (Jun 30, 2012)

Serious da fuq have I just been reading??? This is sad this person was just looking for some help and just becasue she didn't get a full page responce dosen't mean people don't care you are totally being selfish and hijacking this thread becasue of your selfeshness. Were supposed to be a community who ebrases eachother not fight...(I didn't read every comment btw, sorry if I TOTALLY missed something).


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## Question-Everything (Jun 30, 2012)

Too bad no one will watch it. I'm an anti-conformist punk and i'm just being nice, call it whatever you want.


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## Question-Everything (Jun 30, 2012)

I didn't even watch it lol


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

wise said:


> fyi MissJess, here is an article that states that self esteem doesn't make better people of us
> 
> http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200805/self-esteem-doesnt-make-better-people-us


That article is a load of shit ... YES you can have a narcissistic sense of self esteem however that is FALSE ... real self esteem is devoped through unconditional love and acceptance and accepting your whole self as you are

I refer to poor emotional intelligence because people with DP would do ANYTHING to avoid showing and sharing there feelings because of fear or rejection/abandonment/being ridiculed

I think DP has alot to do with not expressing your own needs...loosing your sense of self and not knowing where you start and end in relationships therefore acquiring an anxiousness in relationships because you feel uncomfortable in just being yourself to busy monitoring the other persona reaction to you..


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

wise said:


> If you go by the philosophy that whatever in the body or mind is weakest is compromised first then it would make sense that a weak sense of self will be under attack when mental stress strikes. I know when I was abused in my life people would really go for the jugular and be cruel and try to make me feel worthless, literally try to rip my sense of self apart. Under duress, my dp symptoms would mimic what was being done to me, cutting at my very core, my sense of self already poked through by abusers. I still like to think that I have pretty good self esteem and sense of self because if I didn't I wouldn't be so outraged and upset over the abuse I've endured but the reality is that I let the mental abuse go on and on and just suppressed my anger instead of using it as impetus to leave sadistic people.


Can i ask was it your family that was abusive or a relationship?


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

missjess said:


> Can i ask was it your family that was abusive or a relationship?


Both unfortunately. To be a little more specific I wasn't allowed to express any negative emotions in my family without all hell breaking lose and getting verbally attacked. I think the negativity behind my expressed negative feelings toward something set my family off into abuse mode in order to put a stop to it. I guess everyone instinctively senses how destructive negative feelings are. How ironic right? And I endured alot of nonsense from relationships because I guess my family didn't validate my feelings enough so as a result I completely overlooked the fact that I was getting my feelings hurt by an asshole or two.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

wise said:


> Both unfortunately. To be a little more specific I wasn't allowed to express any negative emotions in my family without all hell breaking lose and getting verbally attacked. I think the negativity behind my expressed negative feelings toward something set my family off into abuse mode in order to put a stop to it. I guess everyone instinctively senses how destructive negative feelings are. How ironic right? And I endured alot of nonsense from relationships because I guess my family didn't validate my feelings enough so as a result I completely overlooked the fact that I was getting my feelings hurt by an asshole or two.


EXACTLY the same as my house hold!! .... when I do have a feeling to express now I feel utter shame and embarrassment about it however I am learning to express them when they show up even if I don't express the emotion I will state how I feel if I don't like something ... currently I am working at rebuilding my self esteem ...... I hated my dad for not validating my feelings I felt really hurt at the time and now that I see that it's ok to have negative feelings I am slowly learning to recognize my own feelings again even tho they are still locked away :/


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## DougRyan25 (Aug 31, 2012)

missjess said:


> Ok so here's a question does anyone on here have high self esteem?
> 
> I think low self esteem is a major root cause for this along with poor emotional intelligence!


Low self esteem also causes a person to become unresponsive and aloof from the people that surround him. The most dangerous thing that low self esteem can bring is that this may ruin the desire of a person become successful in his life.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

DougRyan25 said:


> Low self esteem also causes a person to become unresponsive and aloof from the people that surround him. The most dangerous thing that low self esteem can bring is that this may ruin the desire of a person become successful in his life.


It's a good thing that I have begun my self esteem journey this year then!! I know bottom line is low self esteem which separates me from other people...I'm just thankful that I don't get panic or anything unmanageable anymore so I can finally move on


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, they say to move away from using the term 'self esteem', and have your goal be unconditional self-acceptance and self-compassion. My goal is not to have higher self esteem, I don't think low self esteem is the culprit, I think not having enough self-acceptance and self-compassion are.


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