# Was going to write a recovery story a few days ago, now unfortunately it has to be a relapse story



## LogLady (Oct 17, 2011)

Hey all,

So I guess I'm a relatively recent member. I joined in October of last year after having a mental breakdown and ruminating on suicide, the culmination of 2 1/2 years with dp/dr and progressively worsening psychological and physiological symptoms, some of which are related to chronic gastro-intestinal problems as well. After dropping out of my first graduate classes because my visual disturbances were getting so bad I could hardly read, I discovered dp/dr, and instantly made the connection with that one regrettable brownie trip that started all of this. Ever since October, my life has changed drastically. I quit smoking and drinking (alcohol and caffeine). I'm a gymaholic. I eat exceptionally well and supplement. I moved. I got a new job. I volunteer. My life path is much more uncertain, but I've opened up to more options. For awhile, none of my efforts mattered. I saw numerous doctors, tried to get treated for "Candida" (intestinal yeast overgrowth), saw a therapist that claimed to treat dp at an anxiety treatment center but she seemed to think she couldn't help me and said that I was doing everything right on my own. I kept pushing through, regardless of the lack of hope. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I got acupuncture for the first time. When I left the clinic, my head felt clearer than it had in years and my visual symptoms were far reduced. That week, things got better and better. I was seriously, and I mean seriously, starting to feel happily connected to the world and like myself again. It seemed like it gradually going to disappear, and I was going to get on here and tell everyone









BUT, then I got sick. On Monday night I came down with a fever and chills, and the next morning it was back. Full blown. And here I am, back to normal, feeling out of it, and sick, and so far nothing I can do is helping. I can't tell you how frustrated I am at this. I really thought I was going to break through, perfect timing with school starting too. I'm scheduled to get acupuncture again on Saturday so I have my fingers crossed that I can conjure some good vibes again and get rid of this cold in the meantime. For now I'm getting pulled back into the abyss though. It's amazing how fast I can feel like I lost SO MUCH ground. It's only been a few days since the relapse and I'm feeling pretty hopeless again, but keeping my head up I suppose.

Regardless of the relapse crushing my hopes and dreams, I WAS snapping out of it. And I just want to be another witness to let everyone know that it can happen. I'm pretty confident that if I hadn't fallen ill and caused it to resurge I would still be getting better and better.

Godspeed Everyone
<3


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## LogLady (Oct 17, 2011)

I almost forgot, I also started reading this book....

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Depersonalization-Disorder-Mindfulness-Acceptance/dp/1572247061/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326427753&sr=8-1


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## opie37060 (Jan 9, 2010)

Let us know about how the acupuncture goes on saturday. I was thinking about doing something like this also.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

sorry recovery isn't always a straight line, it can come and go


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## joshz28 (Jul 22, 2011)

Maybe the dp/dr was caused by the sickness. Go see the acupunturist and get over your sickness. I am confident youll feel better again


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## rushdy (Sep 24, 2011)

Bro.. it is totally normal. i remember the first time i recovered and got the few, i felt like i had DP again.. but then i was back to recover even better. I come to this often to try to help people who didnt give up and trying. Right now, i am sitting in bed after going through a surgery two days ago. The dp is not back and my anxious levels are low. Trust me yo, this is normal especially if its the first time u get sick after showing progress. Don't give in! actually, to be honesty, you can't give in, a fighter is not programmed to do so.


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## perd (Oct 17, 2011)

rushdy said:


> Bro.. it is totally normal. i remember the first time i recovered and got the few, i felt like i had DP again.. but then i was back to recover even better. I come to this often to try to help people who didnt give up and trying. Right now, i am sitting in bed after going through a surgery two days ago. The dp is not back and my anxious levels are low. Trust me yo, this is normal especially if its the first time u get sick after showing progress. Don't give in! actually, to be honesty, you can't give in, a fighter is not programmed to do so.


how long have you been recovered? and is it 1000% ? you don't feel any dp anymore at all?


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## LogLady (Oct 17, 2011)

Thank you for the responses.

It's been a little while so I thought I'd update. So, I got acupuncture again, but this time no dice. A few days after I saw my new primary care doctor (this was a week ago) to see if he had any ideas. Although I've been averse to the idea, I decided to take his recommendation on trying an SSRI. He prescribed me citalopram, starting on the lowest dose. I noticed a difference almost right away. My visual symptoms were significantly reduced and I felt much more connected and was able to focus on things. Really felt great and functional, similar to if not better than I had the first time. My GI symptoms were also much better. As the week went on, however, the effect seemed to be not as strong, and my visual symptoms started resurfacing accompanied by debilitating feelings. I just upped my dose, as instructed, yesterday, and it didn't seem to have any positive effect other than giving me a headache and making me feel cracked out. Today is pretty similar.

For now I'm going to stay on it, keep exercising and eating right, continue acupuncture, and see him in about a month in half to follow up. Once again, had another window. Hopefully I'm getting closer.


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