# I think my mind finally broke.



## PrinceLunar72 (Jul 16, 2016)

So I know I have posted here a bit recently but a new development happened and I want to ask if I can recover from this. I am getting tired of living like this.

So for the past 2 weeks I have done nothing but lay in bed and thought. And thought and thought. And yet more thinking. All of it philosophical in nature. About numerous topics ranging from utopia, morality, god, the soul, meaning of life, evolution, whether life is suffering, social darwinism, you name it, I have probably obsessed over it. My parents are worried about me but everytime they try to talk to me I push them away because they will never understand my line of thinking and reasoning. I only eat and use the bathroom when neccesary. Otherwise I laid there and I did nothing but thank to the point of feeling dizzy. My mind going from one concept to another.

Recently I read two stories that really freaked me out and sent me reeling into thought. The first one is called The Egg by Andy Weir.

The story is basically about how everyone is actually one soul in different bodies and everything about life is nothing but us hurting ourselves in life. The universe is an Egg and we will all become one singular god. This story scared the crap out of and made me convinced that is what the afterlife is going to be like. So many spirtual people something similar to be true and it scares me and now I feel like it is the truth. I kept thinking and analyzing about that line of thinking and came into fear that I have been enlightened. That I have seen the truth and there is no one else except me.

And then there was a 2nd story called Talking to God that I read. This story is similar to the Egg and then talks about how humanity has to go through suffering and conflict and war in order to continue to evolve. And then when we reach peak evolution we will turn into a god. Stories like this scared me and have me thinking terrible thoughts like how war is good and we must suffer in order to advance ourselves. That Social Darwinism is the fastest way to advance ourselves. I tried reading counter arguments to these thoughts but I am convinced they are true.

I feel so depersonlized right now and so dizzy. Anxiety nearly filled me the entire day and now I feel nothing but these thoughts in my head 24/7. I have lost my moral compass and now believe that suffering is a good thing in my head and humanity must suffer more. Im too tired to argue against it. I feel like I have become enlightned or something. Guys is there any truth to my thoughts? Or am I delusional and this is just the depersonlization talking. I don't know what to believe anymore.


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## LearnToSwim (Oct 6, 2018)

I'd advise you to stop reading up on so much, and try to calm your mind a little by doing simple and small tasks that dont require much thought. For months, I was just like you, I kept reading and reading, scaring myself, getting lost in philosophical thoughts 24/7, so bad I couldn't even focus on reality anymore. I was trapped in my own delusions because what I read was the only focus on my mind, which caused constant repeated thoughts. I eventually stopped myself of that habit, and I've learned to not care, and now I do not have said thoughts anymore. Normal people dont sit and ponder like this, it will drive you crazy, trust me. Just let go, do something else, ignore these thoughts, and you'll feel sooo much better. It's hard at first, but in time you will improve tremendously.


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## brightmorningstar (Jun 8, 2018)

LearnToSwim said:


> I'd advise you to stop reading up on so much, and try to calm your mind a little by doing simple and small tasks that dont require much thought. For months, I was just like you, I kept reading and reading, scaring myself, getting lost in philosophical thoughts 24/7, so bad I couldn't even focus on reality anymore. I was trapped in my own delusions because what I read was the only focus on my mind, which caused constant repeated thoughts. I eventually stopped myself of that habit, and I've learned to not care, and now I do not have said thoughts anymore. Normal people dont sit and ponder like this, it will drive you crazy, trust me. Just let go, do something else, ignore these thoughts, and you'll feel sooo much better. It's hard at first, but in time you will improve tremendously.


hi I was in the same situation too and after only stopping thinking about those thoughts and focusing on the present moment I felt relief, did you have dp dr beforehand too before getting stuck with those thoughts, do you think dp dr creates those thoughts or we create a chain reaction by getting stuck in that thoughts?


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## LearnToSwim (Oct 6, 2018)

I had dpd before I acquired those thoughts. I believe, like you said it is a chain reaction. The more dissociated you feel, the more introspective you become, causing you to get lost in your mind. After I was able to let go and focus on other things, I felt 50 times better. If you question everything, you're bound to make yourself go crazy. Just by accepting everything for what it is, I feel almost fully recovered from DP and ALL its symptoms.


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## PerfectFifth (May 2, 2016)

brightmorningstar said:


> hi I was in the same situation too and after only stopping thinking about those thoughts and focusing on the present moment I felt relief


What if getting lost in those vivid abstract thoughts provides an escape from concrete matters and painful stresses of real life? It could be a coping mechanism. If this is case, it's not so simple as abandoning that ruminating activity because that would mean facing those stresses.

@PrinceLunar72: Have you considered this possibility, that these obsessions and/or fantasies serve as a diversion from an unsatisfactory, seemingly dead end life? From what you've written before, I've gotten the impression that you loathe your life, and possibly yourself, quite a bit. Is this your way to allay or escape feelings of inadequacy and purposelessness?


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## PrinceLunar72 (Jul 16, 2016)

PerfectFifth said:


> What if getting lost in those vivid abstract thoughts provides an escape from concrete matters and painful stresses of real life? It could be a coping mechanism. If this is case, it's not so simple as abandoning that ruminating activity because that would mean facing those stresses.
> 
> @PrinceLunar72: Have you considered this possibility, that these obsessions and/or fantasies serve as a diversion from an unsatisfactory, seemingly dead end life? From what you've written before, I've gotten the impression that you loathe your life, and possibly yourself, quite a bit. Is this your way to allay or escape feelings of inadequacy and purposelessness?


Maybe. I'm a 26 year old Virgin that still lives with my parents due to constant mental health issues.


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## Chip1021 (Mar 24, 2018)

PrinceLunar72 said:


> Maybe. I'm a 26 year old Virgin that still lives with my parents due to constant mental health issues.


Hi, i would like to weigh in on this, if you don't mind. You say that you are 26, virgin, lives with parents (still) and that these are due to mental health issues. You speak somewhat judgmentally about the virgin and living with the parents issues. Is it possible that these issues (and perhaps others not mentioned here) are the reasons behind your mental health issues, rather than the other way around? Not saying it is, I don't know anything about you, just putting it out there as something to ponder.


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## PerfectFifth (May 2, 2016)

Chip1021 said:


> Hi, i would like to weigh in on this, if you don't mind. You say that you are 26, virgin, lives with parents (still) and that these are due to mental health issues. You speak somewhat judgmentally about the virgin and living with the parents issues. Is it possible that these issues (and perhaps others not mentioned here) are the reasons behind your mental health issues, rather than the other way around? Not saying it is, I don't know anything about you, just putting it out there as something to ponder.


Yes, that's what I was suggesting too.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

This is exactly what i'm going through


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