# I'm beginning to not fit in here anymore



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

And that's a good thing. So you all know that I've been reading Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder by Fugen Neziroglu and that thing that really struck me was how I now longer have a majority of dp/dr symptoms and the intensity of what I do have is like nothing compared to what most of you deal with on a daily basis. Reading that book really made me realize just how much I've recovered. I've also continued to realize through reading your posts and conversations with people how most of the way that I relate to what you are saying is to remember how I used to feel. I have to stop and look back sometimes at how it felt to be in your shoes so that I can related to you on that level instead of how I feel now. I mean, emotionally, I feel completely normal. I have all of my emotions and they are fully there. Physically, if I am numb it's only a very small amount. My memory has improved greatly. It seems like every day something else about my past comes flooding back to me and I can now very clearly remember how it felt pre-dp and it no longer feels as much like it happened in some distant lifetime a million years ago. I don't feel normal yet but how I feel is geting closer to how I remember feeling pre-dp. I think the biggest and most comforting change is that my sense of self is back. I feel like the old Sarah, the pre-dp Sarah is who I am now and not the dp Sarah. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I can feel all of my old personality quirks and throught processes coming back again. As far as the dr goes, things only feel slightly dreamy anymore. Definitely more real than dreamy but still not what it felt like before dp.

I'd say that the strongest symptoms I still have are the 2-d vision a majority of the time, the weird perceptual shifts that happen all day long, the social anxiety/getting disoriented or super dp'd in loud crowded environments, and feeling like I don't know where I am.

So all in all I can very clearly see that I am, for sure, getting better. I clearly have made huge strides in recovery and, knock on wood/ all fingers and toes crossed, it should continue.


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## Guest (Mar 11, 2011)

Congratulations! I too am on the same page as you. In fact I started to feel semi-recovered when I first found out about this forum and what depersonalization was. It's so nice to realize that you actually have come a long way in recovery. Like one day you just notice it, "Hey..." "I'm feeling better than I was." "...Yay!"


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Valleygirl that is so great to hear! I should deffinately pick that book up


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## Surreal_Life (Sep 2, 2010)

Valleygirl, I am so happy for you. Can I just ask one question--how did it feel to get your sense of self back? Was it like waking up from a dream? Did it come back suddenly, or gradually? What do you think helped with that symptom in specific? Did it take a while for you to notice it was back? Haha I guess that was way more than one question...BTW I also have that book and it has been helping me as well.


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## Tree_of_Life2001 (Jan 6, 2011)

Congrats ValleyGirl!!!! I know that things will continue to progress and now you can help someone else







That is my plan once I come through this and heal completely. I have definitely made some strides in recovery but I still have the feeling of being stuck in a cycle of thoughts as well as the visual stuff but Im managing. What are some things that have helped you???


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Surreal_Life said:


> Valleygirl, I am so happy for you. Can I just ask one question--how did it feel to get your sense of self back? Was it like waking up from a dream? Did it come back suddenly, or gradually? What do you think helped with that symptom in specific? Did it take a while for you to notice it was back? Haha I guess that was way more than one question...BTW I also have that book and it has been helping me as well.


My sense of self came back so gradually that I didn't even realize it until I had a thought and realized the tought was much more the old me than the person I felt I was before dp. Then I realized that I feel like me again.

The thing I've realized is that dp leaving is nothing like dp coming. Dp is like an extereme reaction of the brain. It snaps into place immediately to protect you and it stays as long as your mind feels there is a need for it. In a way, it's like a drug and it won't leave your system until it's sure that you don't need it anymore. I think that's why it fades so slowly. I wants to make sure that you are healed and ready to take on full reality again. I guess, in a way, that can be comforting if you think about it. It won't just suddenly jolt you back into a reality you don't feel you can handle.

I'm really glad you're reading it and it's helping you


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Tree_of_Life2001 said:


> Congrats ValleyGirl!!!! I know that things will continue to progress and now you can help someone else
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Honestly, I'm not sure exactly what's helping me. It's been a very long road where I've tried to realize that dp can't hurt me, where I've tried to gain control of my thoughts, where I've tried to live despite it. I've pretty much failed miserably at those things but I keep at it.


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## Guest (Mar 12, 2011)

ValleyGirl said:


> My sense of self came back so gradually that I didn't even realize it until I had a thought and realized the tought was much more the old me than the person I felt I was before dp. Then I realized that I feel like me again.
> 
> The thing I've realized is that dp leaving is nothing like dp coming. Dp is like an extereme reaction of the brain. It snaps into place immediately to protect you and it stays as long as your mind feels there is a need for it. In a way, it's like a drug and it won't leave your system until it's sure that you don't need it anymore. I think that's why it fades so slowly. I wants to make sure that you are healed and ready to take on full reality again. I guess, in a way, that can be comforting if you think about it. It won't just suddenly jolt you back into a reality you don't feel you can handle.
> 
> I'm really glad you're reading it and it's helping you


You know this mirrors physical illness. You get sick, boom, it hits you. Then you are sick for some days, then you slowly recover from it.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Its honestly probably time that is healing


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