# Recovered after 6 years!



## butcheniho (Nov 26, 2014)

So I spent an hour writing out my whole history of DP/DR from years before it actually happened. I realised it was dull, so I'm writing a more succinct, to the point version. If you want to hear more or chat to me please comment below or send me a DM on here, happy to chat on Facebook Messenger too if you'd like! (Actually this post ended up being super long anyway, hopefully you find it useful though).

I know how horrible this can be but please understand that it's totally reversible, I am proof! Also please understand that it's all anxiety (sorry to sound like a broken record but it's true), you're stuck in the fight or flight response. For the entirety of my suffering my body was always low level tense and I didn't even realise it, becoming aware of this was key to my recovery and inevitably put the brakes on the negative feedback loop that kept me stuck in DP/DR. All DP/DR is the same, no matter how you got it it's completely reversible, your case isn't any different to anyone else's, please take this to heart.

*How I got it*

So I experienced DP/DR for 6 years now I'm totally recovered apart from 0.001% of the time when I'm super super stressed and tense. But this doesn't bother me.

To cut a long story short I spent most of my early 20's experimenting with drugs. LSD, Mushrooms, MDMA, Cocaine, Mephedrone, Alcohol and Weed. Weed was my biggest vice and I smoked it almost daily for around 5 years, strong skunk, the type that probably a lot of you are familiar with. I already had a slightly anxious/shy disposition and the more weed I smoked, the more amplified these traits became, starting with heightened anxiety which lead to paranoia and hypochondria. The LSD and Mushrooms especially gave me new perspectives on my own mind which were amplified through the lens of fear by the chronic anxiety and paranoia. The MDMA and Cocaine left me with frequent bouts of a rapid beating heart and dry mouth which my hypochondria amplified even more. During this time I definitely experienced episodes of DR but thought it was because I was stoned over all the time and they didn't last long...

One evening I smoked a super strong joint after a 2 week hiatus, and it hit me like a tonne of bricks, sent me into the first panic attack of my life (leading to many many more). The morning after I woke up and felt "stoned over" but a little more than usual, it was a strong joint so nothing too worrying there. I decided to stop smoking weed, of course I didn't want another panic attack...

After a week, that "stoned over" feeling hadn't gotten any better at all, I started to worry. At this point things started to look a little strange but I couldn't really put my finger on exactly how. My hypochondria started to kick in and things began to look even weirder, this started a negative feedback loop. I'm not going to list all of the possible ailments my mind decided I had in case they trigger anyone, but from everyone I've spoken to with DP/DR everyone settles on the same ones. So if you think your DP/DR is caused by anything other than anxiety almost definitely wrong, here's a list of *symptoms related to DP/DR and anxiety* that people freak out about (I've experienced all of these):




Trembling



Headaches



Vomiting/Nausea



Brain Fog/Feeling slow minded



Head Tension



Dizziness



Increased heart rate



Heart palpitations



Tight throat



Feeling lethargic/sleepy



Pins and Needles



Memory problems



Being more sensitive to sound/light



Dry mouth/feeling the need to drink more



Shortness of breath



Stomach Ache



Diarrhoea



Muscle aches



Nasal congestion



Dry eyes


So the hypochondria and panic attacks started, DP/DR got worse etc etc. you know the script. I'll list my DP/DR symptoms for anyone who needs to hear them but I'm sure you're all pretty familiar now:

*My DP/DR Symptoms*




Feeling like the world isn't real/dreamlike



Feeling like I'm not real



Feeling like my memories aren't my own



Visual disturbances (floaters, after images, visual snow, seeing movement in still images)



Terrified of existence and existential questions



Seeing people like emotionless robots



Not being able to comprehend objects



Distortion of object sizes



Feeling overwhelmed by complex scenes



Nightly panic attacks


*READ THIS If you're suffering from panic attacks*

I suffered from panic attacks, my last one was probably around 4 years ago&#8230; Here's how I stopped them:

Ok so it might help to copy and paste this next bit, print it out if you need or put it in your notes in your phone so when you have a panic attack next it'll be on hand. But if you think you can remember it, all good, do it like that!

You're feeling the panic rise. Go into your minds eye and imagine yourself stood on a lush, green hillside. In the distance you can see a gigantic army coming towards you, this is your panic. Spread out your arms and invite the army to hit you with everything it's got, really mean it, shout it in your mind!! Allow it to hit you with everything it's got.

Actually doing this will mean that it certainly won't hit you with everything it's got and you'll quickly de-escalate your panic attack. It might take some practice if you get particularly bad panic attacks, but there'll be a point where you'll never have a panic attack again. Simple but it works.

*How I started to recover*

After weeks of furiously googling I discovered the term Depersonalization/Derealization and the symptoms described were a perfect match. I wasn't alone, this gave me some hope and a frame work to do some more research on. Here's what helped, all of these things contributed in very different ways. It was a long road with set backs and nuances so just be patient with yourself and be aware that every single day you're getting closer to recovery, towards the end the transition was barely noticeable, it just happened:




Distraction - This really isn't a cure, you need to be comfortable with being with yourself and in your own mind. It did however help massively when things got too overwhelming, I found video games to be the best. Please note that just solely playing video games will do nothing to directly aid your recovery!



Eating healthily - This is contentious on this forum but around 2 and a half years ago I switched from eating pretty much only processed foods to completely cutting out sugar and eating a plant based, whole foods diet with fish and eggs thrown in for good measure. 90% of the serotonin your body makes is produced by the gut and it can't produce this properly if it's not healthy. Low serotonin causes depression, anxiety, irritability, etc etc. Part of the aim with recovery should be to do everything you can to get yourself in a positive frame of mind to help ease yourself out of this disorder. Switching my diet gave me so much more energy, focus and drive. It helped my mind feel sharper and everything became easier as a result, it's one of the most powerful changes I made to my lifestyle. I found eating healthily really confusing to begin with so please just ask if you need help.



Supplements - As long as you're eating a balanced diet I wouldn't bother with nutritional supplements (perhaps with the exception of magnesium) but I found some to have a positive effect on my anxiety:



CBD - Oh man, the oil is great, I took it mainly before bed to help with getting to sleep (would usually wear off in the night and I'd wake up anxious so would need to take more). It can get really expensive so when I came across CBD flower I went for that instead, a much cheaper way of getting the same effects, I like to smoke it in a pipe. I still buy it from here https://hemphash.co.uk/collections/cbd-hemp-flower-hash, they also sell the oil.



L-Theanine - I took this a lot at the start of my recovery, definitely had some benefit but diminishing returns over time. It's the amino acid you get in all types of tea but has the highest concentration in green tea. It's the reason why you don't feel jittery and anxious like when you drink coffee. It has a synergistic effect with caffeine but when taken by itself it has a calming effect. This is the stuff I used to take https://amzn.to/3hUR8IP it's a cheap alternative to CBD.



Lion's Mane Mushroom Powder - This didn't directly help my anxiety but 100% helped with my memory and cognitive agility, which perhaps helped me rationalise certain anxieties more easily. There are various scientific studies done into how it improves memory. It basically strengthens the myelin which is the insulative coating around neurons, this allows electrical signals travel more easily and quickly in your brain. It seemed to "revive" certain memories that I hadn't thought about for years and made remembering things and manipulating information in my mind easier, I guess it helped with brain fog. Fascinating interview on Joe Rogan's podcast with mycologist Paul Stamets who talks about it more in depth 



. The stuff I still take daily I get from here https://bit.ly/31Tp1UB. I think this company deliver worldwide but if not just make sure you find one that's a "hot water extract", this is the most potent form. I just mix ½ a teaspoon in a cup of boiling water every morning.






Muscle Relaxation - So important! Along with eating healthily I think this was my most important lifestyle change. I learned about this from Jordan Hardgrave, you probably know his YouTube channel; if not, he's a therapist and ex DP/DR sufferer. He has a course which I took the plunge and bought towards the end of May this year. He talks about the fight or flight response and how a massive component of that is muscle tension. I didn't even realise I was tense most of the time until I bought the course, I'd hazard a guess that you're tense too. Essentially if you're tense you're keeping yourself in the fight or flight response and perpetuating your anxiety. He goes through explaining the causes and reasons you're DP/DR'd in the first place and gives loads of exercises to do to help you get into the habit of relaxation, some are really involved, others you can literally do whenever and wherever without anyone noticing. I reckon this is what helped tip me over the edge back into reality. https://bit.ly/3gU9b0k





Baths - In relation to the last bullet point&#8230; My girlfriend was going on at me for ages to try Dead Sea Salt Baths. I shunned it for ages, thinking it wouldn't do anything. I finally tried it and was amazed. I've tried loads of different brands and they all do the exact same thing, some are scented, some aren't. They're basically full of micronutrients like magnesium (great for anxiety) and just sitting in a bath with a few handfuls for 20 minutes has been working wonders for keeping my anxiety at bay. This is one of the kinds I've used https://amzn.to/3jIPqLa but you can really get it from any supermarket or health shop. I found Dead Sea Salts to be more effective than Epsom Salts



Meditation - Something that I started practising around a year into my DP. I used to do Transcendental Meditation which feels like a cult but now I just do breath meditation. It helps you stay focused and present with the external world, rather than being insular and focusing on yourself, which really is the catalyst for anxiety. It takes practice and I recommend trying to turn it into a daily habit, 5 minutes is absolutely fine but I aim for 20 minutes. Here's a guide https://www.lionsroar.com/category/how-to/


I hope this has been useful to you, if you have any questions please just ask! You will get through this, it's not as scary as it first seems, it's all just your mind playing tricks on you!


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## marduk (Mar 4, 2015)

Congratulations from another recovered sufferer!


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## butcheniho (Nov 26, 2014)

marduk said:


> Congratulations from another recovered sufferer!


Thank you, congratulations to you too!


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## Findyourself1997 (Aug 6, 2020)

Did u recover from floaters completely ? Is it possible to recover from eye floater completely ? And your dpdr was based on anxiety ? I recovered from dpdr based on anxiety,all the symptoms were gone,but still have visual issues,i can not feel my eyes like disconnection from my eyes and still have floaters.Fading gradually but still there,i read many recovery stories that visuals the last one to go,please help me i am very depressed because of the permanent visual issues rest of my life.


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## butcheniho (Nov 26, 2014)

Findyourself1997 said:


> Did u recover from floaters completely ? Is it possible to recover from eye floater completely ? And your dpdr was based on anxiety ? I recovered from dpdr based on anxiety,all the symptoms were gone,but still have visual issues,i can not feel my eyes like disconnection from my eyes and still have floaters.Fading gradually but still there,i read many recovery stories that visuals the last one to go,please help me i am very depressed because of the permanent visual issues rest of my life.


It sounds like you're still fairly anxious. I've had eye floaters since I was a kid, they haven't changed since then, I don't notice them anymore because I'm not anxious about them. In fact I hadn't thought about them for months, maybe even years until I wrote this post today. Most people have eye floaters, they're completely harmless, most people just don't notice because they're not anxious about them. So yes I have recovered, but floaters were never caused by DP/DR in the first place, it was my anxiety that made me constantly notice them and in turn it led to hypochondria. Anxiety likes to find anything to latch onto, like perfectly normal bodily phenomena.


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## Saibon (Jun 19, 2020)

Yea floaters never goes away


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## nestor1917 (Feb 3, 2020)

Hi! Want to ask you. Have the afterimages gone and brain fog?


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## butcheniho (Nov 26, 2014)

nestor1917 said:


> Hi! Want to ask you. Have the afterimages gone and brain fog?


Hi there! Afterimages are a normal part of everyone's brain function. Everyone has them their whole lives, it's just how your eye/brain works. I see it a lot with people in these forums, someone starts to get freaked out by a perfectly normal bodily function and it freaks everyone else out, a manifestation of hypochondria and anxiety. So they're still there but they were there before DP too, I never notice them now, unless I suddenly go from really bright to really dark. Just like the floaters, I hadn't thought about them for months, maybe years until I wrote this post. You've got to just allow them to be there, they're completely harmless and literally everyone who has a working eye experiences them.

With regards to the brain fog, yes it's completely gone. Sometimes I get it on the very rare occasion that I eat nothing but crap for a few days and drink loads of alcohol (like Xmas or something), I only eat healthily now and drink alcohol maybe 3-4 times a year max... That's helped massively with the brain fog but is by no means instantaneous.

I have found gingko biloba helpful in the past https://amzn.to/3gZdBmy , it helps stimulate blood flow to your extremities including your brain (I found taking it daily for more than a month started to make me feel a little dizzy though). Also check my post for Lion's Mane, that helped with brain fog too and I still take it every single day.


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## tikobird (Feb 26, 2008)

butcheniho said:


> So I spent an hour writing out my whole history of DP/DR from years before it actually happened. I realised it was dull, so I'm writing a more succinct, to the point version. If you want to hear more or chat to me please comment below or send me a DM on here, happy to chat on Facebook Messenger too if you'd like! (Actually this post ended up being super long anyway, hopefully you find it useful though).
> 
> I know how horrible this can be but please understand that it's totally reversible, I am proof! Also please understand that it's all anxiety (sorry to sound like a broken record but it's true), you're stuck in the fight or flight response. For the entirety of my suffering my body was always low level tense and I didn't even realise it, becoming aware of this was key to my recovery and inevitably put the brakes on the negative feedback loop that kept me stuck in DP/DR. All DP/DR is the same, no matter how you got it it's completely reversible, your case isn't any different to anyone else's, please take this to heart.
> 
> ...


How did you recover from it. I've had DP 24/7 for decades. I really need to know


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

butcheniho said:


> 90% of the serotonin your body makes is produced by the gut and it can't produce this properly if it's not healthy. Low serotonin causes depression, anxiety, irritability, etc etc.


Hey, I'm just passing by. We hear this thing a lot about gut serotonin, but it's just a misconception. Yes there is serotonin both in the brain and in the gut, but serotonin doesn't cross the hemato-encephalic barrier, which means that the serotonin that is produced in the gut never reaches the brain, they are two separate systems. The hemato-encephalic barrier is there so that our brain isn't affected by everything that enters our blood stream. Some molecules do cross that barrier, like alkaloïds (nicotine, mescaline, cocaine...) but serotonin does not. Apparently there exist conditions that alter the permeability of that barrier, but that's definitely not how it works in a healthy person. Serotonin in the gut has a totally different function that is related to digestion.


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

deleted


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