# 30 years ago I loved Christmas but now DP is ruining it all



## bigshowrocky (Jun 13, 2014)

Is anyone else dreading Christmas? I have two small children but I feel so not here and not alive, that I know I am going to be so sad and down this year. Everything is brought me to my knees and I don't think I can get up again....

Sean


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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

You're not alone in that. I am dreading it as well. But keep moving forward and try new things to beat this. Have faith you will find something that will help.

The last thing I want to do is socialise and be surrounded by people at the moment. As well as emotionally feeling like crap and having to pretend I am happy whilst everyone is loving life. Many people do feel this way there is just too much pressure to be open about it. Have you tried any medication? I have started Imipramine recently and it is very early days but it is helping me relax slightly and I feel a tad better emotionally


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## Chip1021 (Mar 24, 2018)

Icebox certainly stopped pretending to be happy and joyful. It takes way too much energy that I have to use to actually get to relatives' place and back. I think the last Christmas that I enjoyed, even somewhat, was maybe when I was 21 or 22c so 12 years ago perhaps? So yes, the holiday season has become the biggest pain in my ass since...well basicallly since I became an adult. It can't be over soon enough. Then I can rest for the next year or so maybe.


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## anitas (Aug 28, 2018)

You guys are not alone. Sean I also have 2 kids I understand your pain so well ,also feel like "I'm not here " and the biggest pain is waking up the next morning and not remembering anything because this nasty "disease " doesn't allow me to "make" new memories. It's the biggest and worse thing I have ever felt and deal with. I'm here if you need to talk. I'm sorry.


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## bigshowrocky (Jun 13, 2014)

I am sorry to hear you all feel this way but I know its bad but I take some comfort in knowing I am not the only one going through this. I don't want anyone to go through it tbh. I wish I was a kid again and felt the amazing buzz that I used to feel. So innocent and magical in a way.....can't see how it went from that to this


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