# OCD and Depersonalization Disorder



## legendkranz (May 31, 2014)

Hello everyone,

Within the last few months I was diagnosed with OCD by my therapist. It was a very bittersweet experience because while I was relieved to finally know what was going on with me, for years I wrongfully attributed how I felt to anxiety and depression, it was scary and very surprising to get this diagnosis. However I have been able to do research of my own on the disorder as well as engage in talk therapy which seems to be helping. One day when I was doing some research trying to find some stuff out about my OCD I came across an article about OCD and it's relation to depersonalization disorder. I read the symptoms and discussed the topic with my therapist he felt he had noticed the possibility of me having this issue before. This was very frightening to me because the summer before I started high school, around 4 years ago, I was completely detached from reality. I felt like, as corny as it sounds, I didn't know the person staring back at me when I looked in the mirror. But I mean this cliche phrase literally, I felt like I completely wasn't real and like was stuck in a never ending dream. I couldn't grasp the concept that I was living life, I couldn't feel the emotions those around me were feeling. It got to the point where I couldn't even really eat and I contemplated suicide as a way to escape the stagnant mood of nothing. This went on for a solid 3 months. At some point I just sorta snapped out of it. Since then I've had moments where I feel completely out of my body and detached from reality but they have only been moments, I am terrified to have another lengthy episode again. I don't know if I could handle it. I'm just sharing my story and trying to reach out to people to see their point of view on the relation between/how some cope with having OCD and depersonalization disorder. I just want to get to know people like me, I don't want to feel alone anymore.


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## *Dreamer* (Feb 18, 2014)

I'm very glad you got a proper diagnosis. And you are not alone.

As understanding of DP keeps evolving, I think it will be considered an anxiety disorder not a dissociative disorder, and OCD is in the Anxiety Disorder category. All that we experience in terms of "pathology" or illness, is merely an exagerration of normal human traits. IMHO, and what I have studied, and what I have found talking with a lot of people about mental illness.

I have some OC traits, but not OCD. What I hope helps you is I have a very good friend I've known for 35 years (I'm 55). She has OCD -- of a religious theme (scrupulosity). Until the age of 30 she refused to seek treatment, but she was getting intrusive blasephous thoughts that terrified her and she would cross herself hundreds of times a day (secretly), "make ammends to God" and more and more. And she knew it was completely illogical.

But her compulsions would lessen the anxiety for a time. Then the circle would start over again. At any rate, she also had episodes of DP/DR, on and off. I had finally found a person she never told me any of this until she was about 30) who understood DP!

Well, she is now 56. Her OCD was very helpful in a very stressful job as an assistand director in Hollywood. But she was so detailed oriented, she also felt compelled to redo work she had delegated to others. One day, she absolutely fell apart on location and was sent to a hospital.

Long story short, I told her to PLEASE see a psychiatrist. She did. With Prozac and CBT her OCD became less and less. AND her DP/DR -- she has never experienced it again. Treatment for the OCD helped eliminate the DP/DR. She is not worried about it coming back. She would also get it when she had panic attacks, and under extreme stress at work. (This happens to me).

She is not cured of her OCD. She has her perfectionistic traits, but she is not constantly terrified or beating herself up. These traits have helped her being a great Mom, member of the PTA, etc. Community activities. She felt less compelled to "prove" to no one in particular that she would become a famous director. (I felt the same thing -- wanting to be a famous singer. Being something less was complete failure). Black and White thinking.

SO, I have noticed with a good number of people and in research, if you can get your OCD under control ... and it is hard work ... the DP could be a thing of the past as it is for my friend.

She couldn't get married, have decent relationships until she got that under control. She is finally happy.

SO, you are not alone. And yes, it would seem many DPers ruminate and obsess in general (even if they don't have full blown OCD). We are anxious worry-worts.

I do advocate meds and CBT for OCD ... an SSRI can be miraculous. My husband is also on an SSRI for hoarder/clutterer. He has some serious problems as well, but I could not believe the change when he started the medication. We had NO expectations.

I hope this helps. I would say that if you have episodes vs. a chronic situation (as I do), you have a greater chance of long term remission.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
EDIT: it also can run in families -- OCD. My friend's older sister as well had it (cleanliness, perfectionism, germ phobias, etc.) She finally was treated in a similar way and is SO much better. She never had any episodes of DP/DR though. Their younger sister has no issues at all. But their mother is an extremely anxious person -- has been her entire life. And she refuses to get any treatment or therapy.


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## bluecanary (May 2, 2014)

Thanks for sharing. As someone who suffers with OCD, I can tell you that you're definitely not alone. Each of us is different with regard to what causes our DP/DR (in most cases, we can only speculate on this), what sensations we feel from it, and how it affects our daily lives. But there are common threads among us, and you'd probably be hard pressed to say something that at least one of us couldn't relate to.

Personally, my theory is that those of us who already have an existing mental/emotional condition such as OCD are susceptible to others. Personally, I think everyone has suffered DP/DR for at least a split second in their lives with thoughts such as "What if everything I'm thinking/saying/doing is a dream? What if this is all in my imagination?" The difference between them and us is that they're able to let it go as a silly, imaginative thought. For those of us with DP/DR, we're obsessing over that thought, assigning huge significance to it, and it refuses to go away. Rumination (obsessing over the same thought over and over, trying to "figure it out") is a huge part of OCD, and is part of what makes us so vulnerable to these sorts of thoughts and feelings. I've suffered from episodic DP sporadically over the course of about ten years - each time I was able to "snap out of it" and go back to my normal life after a while. The problem was that I was so relieved when the episode subsided, I wanted to distance myself from the idea of DP/DR as much as I could. I didn't want to think about anything related to it, and that included treating it. I basically ran from it instead of facing it.

This time around, in addition to a couple of medications to help me deal with this specific episode, I'm also dedicating myself to reading books on the subject and attempting exercises to "reprogram" my brain's way of thinking. I don't have insurance at the moment, but when I get it, I'll be looking for a therapist who specializes in CBT, which I think is the best course for me. If you haven't tried it, I'd try any or all of the above (medication, talk therapy, which you're already doing, and self-help books) to treat what you're going through. Best of luck.


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## legendkranz (May 31, 2014)

Thank you both so much for your input, it really means a lot to know others are going through similar situations. I know at times I feel like a terrible person for the way my brain works but hearing other people's stories reminds me that what's happening to me is an illness. I'm very glad your friend has found happiness Dreamer, I know I just have to have patience and perseverance in order to find my own. Also it's interesting you mention the genetic aspect as my father was bipolar and my brother was born with turrets I can only assume the disorders all three of us suffer from are related. I wish you and your husband the best. And Bluecanary I totally agree with your point about how having a mental illness can cause one to be more likely to have others as well. Especially when it comes to OCD which almost always comes as a package deal with other mental illnesses. I hope you find the self-books helpful I know doing research always helps me and I hope you can find a therapist soon I know now that I've finally committed to going to therapy I'm on the path to a healthy life. best wishes to you both, thanks again for the support.


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