# Is it possible to ever forget dp/dr?



## SaraBro (Feb 23, 2011)

It feels as if I am on my way to recovery, slowly. I've been feeling alot better progressively since dp/dr set in - so therefore it's kind of hard to see the change. But latley, I've been looking back alot, reading old stuff I wrote and recorded and now thoughts I used to have doesn't affect me as much anymore. I also feel alot more like myself again, but I still have the feeling that something inside of me changed.

I often question if I still have DP, since I no longer question reality, I know this is true and that I am me and always have been. What is stuck with me, is the obssesional thinking about existence - which makes everything seem so pointless. I'm not tormented with these thoughts anymore, they just make me feel uncomfortable. These thoughts is what makes me feel depersonalized. It feels as if I don't have control over myself, since I am part of a big strange universe. I have feelings, I feel like "Sara", but I can't comprehend. I'm constantly thinking about how strange it is that I have thoughts, feelings - it feels so abstract. It's like I am more my body than my thoughts. I used to be cut off from my body during DR, now I am cut of from my mental process. I know we have thoughts for a reason (survival), and I don't question other peoples thoughts or emotions. It's just some sort of obsession inside of me that wants to figure out WHY. If I just could get rid of this obssesive thinking I would be in tune with reality again. I've had ALOT of thoughts, questioning EVERYTHING, being really introspective afraid and paranoid. Now I basically have three thoughts constantly running through my head and those are:

1. What is thoughts and feelings? If I can't touch them, are they real? Am I my body or my mind, or both?
2. The concept of vision is strange, I have two holes in my head that makes me see the world. It feels as if my head is empty when I think about it. And that there is no clear line between my eyes and the outer world.
3. What's the meaning with all of this?

I think this is a vicious cycle. I understand that this indeed is depersonalization. If I didn't have DP I wouldn't have these thoughts. Something inside of me makes me ruminate about existence, because I probarly have some big issues that I need to deal with - but don't want to. I know that these thoughts are completley ridicolous, and I don't want to have them - but still they make me feel weird and at unease. But I have alot of other thoughts and emotions aswell, I am not numb.

I used to have DR alongside DP, now it's just this. I had brainfog and the feeling of being in a bubble aswell as severe panic, constantley. I also had really wierd bodily sensations. Now, I can sort of imagine the feelings I used to have but I can't remember how it actually felt, I just know I had it. Will it be the same with DP? Will these stupid thoughts I have diminish? I feel I am on my way to recovery, but will I ever forget about these three thoughts that seem to not leave me alone?


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## Chris P Bacon (May 31, 2011)

I know what you mean about those annoying existential thoughts.

The one I'm annoyed with at the moment is what happens when we die? Do we go on to some kind of afterlife? Or are we just gone forever? Like before we were born? Its doing my head in and its made me terrified of my own mortality. I'm scared to die and I'm 19 years of age for crying out loud!

When I start to get thoughts like that I immediately distract myself and it does help, I'll sing a good song in my head for example or play on Xbox, try to take your mind off it!


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## cris24333 (Oct 30, 2010)

i used to think like what is the point of doing things. i would keep thinking about thinking. they go away u stop thinking about them less and less


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## resonantblue (Mar 15, 2011)

Hey, I'm having almost the exact same experience as you. What is frustrating is when you try to talk to people about it they say it's "normal" to question existence but they don't understand the extent to which DPd individual questions everything, it's not the "normal" way of just pondering these things idly, the thoughts are all-consuming and overwhelming and constant.
I have noticed that it helps me a lot to get immersed in an activity- be it writing a paper for school or a great conversation. For some reason activities that don't require too much cognitive involvement (like cooking) don't help because my mind can still wander. That's why it's good to do things that take up those cognitive processes that you would otherwise use for these endless ruminations. Try it out. Read a complicated text. Talk to somebody about THEIR problems. Anything but sitting by yourself stewing in questions.


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## henndunn (May 26, 2011)

One 'trick' that DP might play on you - as it did with me - is that it will make you think that any nasty thoughts you are having now are totally "right". It will try and convince you were always "deluded" about your existence, your life. It will make you think that it is only now that you see the truth, and everyone else is still deeply misled about the nature of life, of everything.
This is utterly false. It is nonsense.
It is nothing but a negative thought-pattern. It even works on the same predication as depression: Depression hijacks every thought and makes you think that all you are doing in your life is worthless - even if you are, in the eyes of others, living a good, healthy, productive life.
DP does the same thing, even with passing philosophical thoughts of life and existence - it takes them and amplifies them to a deafening level. But the fact is that just because they are
amplified, doesn't make them important. A bad song, played over a huge sound system, is still a bad song!
You were not deluded before you had this illness - no more so than someone with a flu was 'deluded' before they got it, or someone was 'deluded' before they put on a lot of weight. And I promise that you will see the irrefutable proof of this once you get back to normality.
Because here's the good news: When you get back to happiness and normality, everything in your past, even the worst episodes of depersonalisation will seem like distant memories. Like I said already - when people recover from DP they almost always say, "What on Earth was I worried about?"


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## theartistblurgh (May 9, 2011)

[quote name='henndunn' timestamp='1308177926' post='233600']
One 'trick' that DP might play on you - as it did with me - is that it will make you think that any nasty thoughts you are having now are totally "right". It will try and convince you were always "deluded" about your existence, your life. It will make you think that it is only now that you see the truth, and everyone else is still deeply misled about the nature of life, of everything.

This is what I'm struggling with. I feel like after getting this its changed my reality so much, how could I ever see reality like I used to. If something can change the way I see the world so much...Is the world even what I thought?
You say once you heal that your feelings of normality return? Is it like you just forget how weird everything was?


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## henndunn (May 26, 2011)

those are just more dp/anxiety related thoughts. Once it goes away everything will go back into place. And when you think of the thoughts you will think what in the world was i scared of. Dont give those thoughts anymore of your time let them fade into the back, they are not real. When you come on this site try only to look at positive stuuf. Know what you have and fully accept it no matter what that is the key to recovery!!!


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

there is a def a mental component, but I would say that it is a "FEELING" state. So that we are actually feeling a certain way. My sense is that if you ever return to a normal FEELING state, then you don't remember what the fuck being DP felt like and you don't care.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

anything is possible


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

this post of all the posts helped me the most.. its been a while since u wrote this but if u could get bak to me that wud be fantastic.. i have alot of questions.. these thoughts debilitate me with fear and u seem to know wat u are talkin about.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Mindfulness mindfulness mindfulness


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

I think your always aware of it's presence. If you get so focused on something though like a conversation then that can make you forget.

I think people are always looking to alleviate the symptoms instead of looking directly at the root cause and trying to figure out what that is. At the end of the day 'forgetting' about what's happening doesn't change the fact that it's sure as hell happening, ya dig?


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## RedRed (Feb 2, 2012)

kate_edwin said:


> Mindfulness mindfulness mindfulness


Mindfulness was something I learned about by reading and '"taught" by my CBT lady thingy, but it never worked for me. My DP is too strong







(. Does it work for you Kate?


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## kanda (Feb 8, 2012)

I have been struggling with the existential "my world is permanantly changed, this is what is REAL" thoughts too- and I feel stuck. I have had about two or three really fully NOrmal and happy days since I DP/DRd about two years ago, but when Im not feeling all I can think about is how useless and worthless it all is, why try. Everything is an object and pointless etc.

I really struggle with that, no matter how I try to reach my goals, the goals in themselves seem useless.

I have an idea of what I want but such a large part of me doesn't care ( If I die alone, If I never have a career, If I never have friends etc. ) When I know all these things are things I truely strive for. The Dp is too strong.

Has anyone done any tricks to rid of the "this must be true reality" thoughts?


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

yes i too feel this way kanda.. so much.. i feel like there is no purpose in anything.. it all means nothing... why do we do the things we do ... its like i jsut copd on to wat life is or sumthing and its utterly depressing and terrifying.. what kinda existential thoughts do u have.. im sure i can relate.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I think being around children helps. If they are happy. And old enough to communicate on some level.


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