# The scariest feeling ever



## Bettti11 (Sep 7, 2010)

Hey everybody!
Last night I had a weird, scary feelings and I would like you to know what the hell was that.
So, I worked from the morning till 3pm and I was alone in the house. I talked on skype with my friend and I felt a little spaced out, but it wasn't strange to me. After that I drank a coffee (3rd time in a day)and after I felt so weird. I had random thoughts,racing everything in my head. I cleaned the house and my bf came at 7pm and he looked so unreal. And damn everything was unreal, surreal, scary. I had deep existential feelings, I don't felt my body, like I'm floating in a space. Everythings was totally unreal, like I don't know who I am, or how to act in a world. My whole body shake and I felt I will die or wanna die. I felt something seriously wrong with me, or like a demon possesed me(I try to explain the feelings).After all my bf was so kind to me, and I felt little better, but I didn't speak with him about my scary existential feelings, just panic... I felt I will go crazy. So today is also strange, I can't sleep well. I see around me and I feel I don't understand anything, hard to explain, it's so deep. Everything is meaningless... I don't wanna feel like this! Anybody can help? please
I have a therapist, she said this is a state of mind, and I will get better like 1,5 year ago, when I had same problems, but I don't know anymore.


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## Bettti11 (Sep 7, 2010)

Thank you so much for reply! It helped me. Sometimes I feel like so paralysed with this feelings, and hard to ignore them or to focus anything else. And I have OCD too, so I obsess too much on my feelings. I have to break the circle and stay positive for recovering.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

sounds like a panic attack to me.


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## dannjlee (Apr 1, 2014)

Bettti11 said:


> Hey everybody!
> Last night I had a weird, scary feelings and I would like you to know what the hell was that.
> So, I worked from the morning till 3pm and I was alone in the house. I talked on skype with my friend and I felt a little spaced out, but it wasn't strange to me. After that I drank a coffee (3rd time in a day)and after I felt so weird. I had random thoughts,racing everything in my head. I cleaned the house and my bf came at 7pm and he looked so unreal. And damn everything was unreal, surreal, scary. I had deep existential feelings, I don't felt my body, like I'm floating in a space. Everythings was totally unreal, like I don't know who I am, or how to act in a world. My whole body shake and I felt I will die or wanna die. I felt something seriously wrong with me, or like a demon possesed me(I try to explain the feelings).After all my bf was so kind to me, and I felt little better, but I didn't speak with him about my scary existential feelings, just panic... I felt I will go crazy. So today is also strange, I can't sleep well. I see around me and I feel I don't understand anything, hard to explain, it's so deep. Everything is meaningless... I don't wanna feel like this! Anybody can help?  please
> I have a therapist, she said this is a state of mind, and I will get better like 1,5 year ago, when I had same problems, but I don't know anymore.


You're definitely not alone. I'm 29 years old and I've felt this existential fear that you speak of dozens of times in my lifetime and I'm sure everybody has. Nobody ever talks about it because it's weird and strange to talk about for most people, in my experience. I'm not sure exactly why it happens on any level of understanding but I'm guessing it has to do with abrupt and greatly increased changes of general awareness, more specifically about your personal identity.


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## Bettti11 (Sep 7, 2010)

Katiej, it has begun like panic, but after I felt stronger symptoms, and stranger feelings, but it could be also panick attack. I had panic attacks in my life, but everytime I get


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## Bettti11 (Sep 7, 2010)

A new one, I can't recognize it, and I start to make another options in my head(mental illness,stroke, heart attack). Thank you for your reply, it's calmed me down
Dannjlee, thanks for your post, sometimes I feel myself alone with this feeling... I had so many changes in my life in a good way and I've chaned a lot, so maybe this indicated the existential thoughts/feelings. I hardly deal with changes.


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## RonnieK (Jun 27, 2014)

Betti, I'm sorry you had such a bad. It almost sounds like a bad drug experience but I know it wasn't that. Katie is probably right. She is a wiz on DP. I just want you to know we care.


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## valdezz (May 29, 2011)

Yes this is just anxiety about the symptoms youre experiencing. The anxiety will slowly go away as time passes! Life has meaning, like it did before you felt this way. As you make your way through DP your understanding of symptoms will increase and your ability to manage your level of stress concerning DP will also fade away. Nothing is linear though but progress can definitely be made.


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## Bettti11 (Sep 7, 2010)

RonnieK, I thought also is a drug experience, because I live with my bf and his friend. And his friend uses weed and Lsd, and my boyfriend have tried, but he doesn't want to do Lsd again, he liked that, but he enjoys more the real reality. And that day, when this feelings happend with me, my bf said me, his friend (who lives with us) tried to take some Lsd to my bf beer in party before that day! And he was very upset, and angry about him. And I'm a little bit paranoid with this, but I know his friend never do this to me, because my bf protects me from every drug and I think he can kill him, if he ever does this... Yes, I thought I'm on drugs, but my bf would noticed that, if it was true. I'm paranoid too much:/ 
Valdezz, I hope it will go, because this strange feeling is in the background of my mind, and I get some suicidal thoughts, because I'm afraid it never goes way but I know, I believe it will, and everything gets better!
And guys, thank you so much! This community helps me a lot, I don't feel myself alone and it's amazing!


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