# I think I'm almost there, but I need some more help!



## benman19 (Sep 3, 2014)

Firstly, I've been feeling better recently. My body feels real again, sometimes I even think too real, but maybe that's just because I'm not used to the feelings of reality yet. I can concentrate a lot better, I still forget stuff but it's improving, the other night I looked at my clock and thought "what, that late already?", so I think my senses of time are slowly coming back, but I still have one big issue. Sometimes I still feel strong DP, but I can usually snap out of it by applying my method of accepting and moving on.

So here's my situation. I've been unemployed and had nothing to do for pretty much the past year and a half. I had a job a few months ago, but that didn't last long. So over the time, my sleeping pattern has been slowly shifting forward, meaning that now I'm at the point where I can't sleep before 6 am. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't really see this as a problem, I'd just stay awake all night and go to bed the next evening at a reasonable time and then try and force myself into a normal pattern again. But I can't. The problem is that trying to change my sleeping pattern is one of the things that triggered my DP, among others. I had to be awake early for two or three days in a row and do some work, so I felt tired all day. I got panic attacks from being so tired and there were many other contributing factors, until one day I was in DP-mode. Now, where I think I'm back at a point where I could call myself almost recovered, I need to desperately change my sleeping schedule, as University starts in exactly two weeks. That means I need to get up every morning and do things for a few hours every day. I'm scared of going to bed early though, I'm not quite sure why though. I can sleep more easily as soon as it gets light or when I can hear someone else getting up, it's like I need proof that my surroundings haven't stopped and I'm stuck in time or something. And I'm also scared that, should I succeed in going back to a correct sleeping pattern, the DP might trigger again and I'll have another eternity of nothingness ahead of me. And on top of that, I'm also really scared that I'll oversleep on my first day and miss everything.
I already have my alarm set every morning but I just never hear it. When I wake up I always feel really tired, however that usually eases up after an hour or so, and my eyes are really dry. And also, sleep seems really light, lately. I could have been awake the whole time for all I know. It's like one minute I look at my clock to find it being 6:30am, I close my eyes for a few minutes, then I want to check the time again and it's suddenly 11am.

I'm also scared that my body just won't be able to handle this sudden workload coming towards me, having to actually do something every day. I'm afraid that I'll just collapse after a week. I mean, I don't really do much physical activity, I sit around all day when I'm at home, when I go out I usually just get in my car and drive somewhere where I will then sit around, or I'll get in someone elses car and drive somewhere where I'll sit around and drink alcohol. The most exercise I got in the last month was probably last night when I went out with some guys who I'm gonna be studying with when I walked them around town for around 20 minutes.
I know that University isn't really physical activity either, but it's still work. I just feel so fragile.

So, any advice? I'd appreciate anything, really..


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

Something you may want to consider is your physical health.


Diet.
Exercise.
Hydration.

If you're downing can after can of soda or sipping sugar by the spoonful, you may want to consider dropping that. Getting on a good diet will do wonders, especially if you cut out all the things that could potentially cause this sleep problem. Eat more healthy, which means vegetables, fruits, and cutting out those unhealthy snack foods. If you already have a great diet, then you may want to do a bit more exercise during the day to tire yourself out - I don't know specific work-outs, but I know that physical activity can help with sleeping. Hydrate yourself constantly. Drink as much water as you can; since water can actively balance your body (vitamins, minerals, nutrients), which can help in turn balance your body out for sleep.

You could probably do with ditching the sitting at home and drinking beer.

I was also having sleep problems before, but I tried Melatonin which really helped me sleep. I know there are some other supplements in pharmacies that have the same effect, you may want to look around for something that's right for you, or ask a pharmacist. Other than that, I think ditching those negative habits in your life (booze, sitting around, ruminating) could help you a helluva lot with your sleeping problem. Since you have a good two weeks buffer, you should be able to get everything back on track once you start getting rid of those detriments.

As for your fears, I think your body will be able to handle it. Although you may think you cannot, considering your unreality and such, but I think dealing with this unreality shows the exact opposite. People who can deal with Depersonalization & Derealization are very strong, whether they can see that themselves or not. With that being said, I think you'll be absolutely fine pulling in your college work-load and I believe you can do it incredibly well. Best of luck, hope this helped!


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## benman19 (Sep 3, 2014)

Well I could probably do with more fresh vegetables or fruits, but overall I think my diet is ok. I rarely drink soda, usually I drink tea, water, juice or milk. Mostly tea, lately. As for the beer, I've already cut down on the alcohol heavily since this started, and I'd never sit home alone drinking, I'm a social drinker.

As for the Melatonin, I've read into it and as far as I can tell it's not sold freely where I live, you need a prescription. But I'll ask at a pharmacy tomorrow.

Right now I'm lying in bed and I'm just scared of closing my eyes. For no reason I'm just really scared of dying. I'm not ill or anything, so the chances are very low, almost nonexistant, but it keeps me awake. I'm not only scared of my own death, but also my parents, uncles, brothers or my friends. Anxiety is fun.

Thanks for always replying to my posts by the way. You have your own problems, your own DP to deal with (At least I assume so, otherwise you wouldn't be here) and yet you still try and help others. There should be more people like you in the world.


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

benman19 said:


> Well I could probably do with more fresh vegetables or fruits, but overall I think my diet is ok. I rarely drink soda, usually I drink tea, water, juice or milk. Mostly tea, lately. As for the beer, I've already cut down on the alcohol heavily since this started, and I'd never sit home alone drinking, I'm a social drinker.
> 
> As for the Melatonin, I've read into it and as far as I can tell it's not sold freely where I live, you need a prescription. But I'll ask at a pharmacy tomorrow.
> 
> ...


Good luck with the pharmacy tomorrow!

I get the same fears. Every illness seems to be the bane of my existence, a channel to obsess over constantly. Through my experience, I think it gets worse at night because nothing is going on. During my day, I distract myself with driving around, video games, socializing - but at night, it seems that everything and anything close in on my mind at once and it's truly an awful experience, especially when one's own life comes into question. Anxiety is fun, you're completely right because I get the same things at night.

You're welcome, by the way!  I know what it feels like to struggle with mental problems and, to see other people go through them, it truly breaks my heart. In any case, I hope that your sleep problems get fixed and your college goes well! I'm in the process of getting myself back into college here soon, so I'll share in your struggles. Introduction to Humanities, here I come - wooooo.


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