# What does recovery mean to you? Janine?



## Guest (Sep 30, 2004)

Is recovery merely losing your fear of all the symptoms or is it actually not experiencing them at all?

How do you know when you have fully recovered?

I am only asking this as I after 2 weeks I am getting small bouts of dp again. I can pull myself out of it which is wonderful but is this the best I can hope for?

Janine Oh wise one, can you shed some light?


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2004)

Is recovery merely losing your fear of all the symptoms or is it actually not experiencing them at all?

How do you know when you have fully recovered?

I am only asking this as I after 2 weeks I am getting small bouts of dp again. I can pull myself out of it which is wonderful but is this the best I can hope for?

Janine Oh wise one, can you shed some light?


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2004)

Too funny. I read your other post on the main forum where you mentioned this, and raced over here to post a reply...not knowing you'd written a post to me, lol...

Listen up: NO!

Recovery is recovery. When you are recovered from this horror, you do not have DP at all...period. Hell, woman, you think I'd be this upbeat if I was just ignoring the dp? lol...

The "focus outward" stuff is meant as ways of WORKING towards recovery. We fight it and fight it, and do whatever we can to stop feeding it....over time....TIME and continued work and continued examination of the internal stuff we've got going on, fears and games and masks and lies, etc..ALL of that can equal recovery.

I know precisely how it feels to move out of the dp and then right back into it again. And that ain't recovery, yet. It's a complicated process that we invoked to get into this mess. ANd it is equally complicated to extricate oneself.

Peace,
Janine


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2004)

Too funny. I read your other post on the main forum where you mentioned this, and raced over here to post a reply...not knowing you'd written a post to me, lol...

Listen up: NO!

Recovery is recovery. When you are recovered from this horror, you do not have DP at all...period. Hell, woman, you think I'd be this upbeat if I was just ignoring the dp? lol...

The "focus outward" stuff is meant as ways of WORKING towards recovery. We fight it and fight it, and do whatever we can to stop feeding it....over time....TIME and continued work and continued examination of the internal stuff we've got going on, fears and games and masks and lies, etc..ALL of that can equal recovery.

I know precisely how it feels to move out of the dp and then right back into it again. And that ain't recovery, yet. It's a complicated process that we invoked to get into this mess. ANd it is equally complicated to extricate oneself.

Peace,
Janine


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2004)

LMAO Janine! I figured I was doing ok, in fact, my real life friends who are anxious & have had dp figured that we will have to put up with this for the rest of our lives so yep this is recovery.

This illness is bloody confusing & hard. I am almost there though thanks to your help Janine!

Well geez, I really don't know where to go from here. I dont' know what is triggering this latest one. I only know that when I feel it coming I can snap myself out of it by focusing outwards.

Oh by, like you said, Its not going to be as easy as I thought.


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2004)

LMAO Janine! I figured I was doing ok, in fact, my real life friends who are anxious & have had dp figured that we will have to put up with this for the rest of our lives so yep this is recovery.

This illness is bloody confusing & hard. I am almost there though thanks to your help Janine!

Well geez, I really don't know where to go from here. I dont' know what is triggering this latest one. I only know that when I feel it coming I can snap myself out of it by focusing outwards.

Oh by, like you said, Its not going to be as easy as I thought.


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

Charger, we do seem quite alike in our illness! I came over here after posting in the main forum too! It is soooooooooo complicated isn't it? It seems like everything is so intricately wound up, what causes this, this causes that, both cause each other, what comes first, the dp or the anxiety etc etc. The worst thing is that each of our mazes are different so whilst we can listen in to the advice of Janine etc, she can't give us the answer to our own problem. We can apply techniques and understand more but thats about it. For so long I looked for the answer on these pages, in the pages of books and in other people's stories, each time reading something new and thinking that I must have that problem too. But Ive realised that Im the only person who has the answer. Which is at least some comfort, knowing that the answer is with me all the time. And that for me, is to lead a happy life. Simple as that.

I can honestly say, that I have some gratitude for my 'crisis' over the last few months. This may not apply to everyone, especially those who have got dp through injury or drugs. Basically, I have learnt a few crucial things, about myself, things I have been forced to look at because of the hell Ive been through over the past few months. This realisation and understanding has done a few things. One, it has lessened my dp. Two, there are parts of me that feel better than before. Parts I didnt realise that were 'missing' or could have felt more whole. So, whilst in essence, I am still suffering, symptom wise, than before this episode, I am essentially stronger, with some tools under my belt. This tells me that I am on the right track. The symtpoms come and go, and my fear of them is much less. The greatest knowledge for me, is that I have always felt that this horrible thing 'happens' to me. Ever since I was a child, that scary feeling of when will it happen next? This has made me feel not in control, in many aspects of my life. Now I have realised that I am in control, I am in charge of my own destiny, I can almost sit back and relax, stop fighting for control. Cause I always had it...rambling again!!!!!!!!
Also, I stopped looking for 'trauma' in my life. The answer is much less complicated than that, I had developed ways of thinking that were unhealthy developed over time. It was helpful to recognise certain events and see them differently but you cant change the past. Its tough to relearn the basics and I fall at every hurdle but Im having fun! Im glad Ive been given the chance now and not later in my life. My boyfriend is glad too, cos Im learning things that benefit him. People are control freaks because they feel out of control. So, if he p*ssed me off, instead of telling him, I would make him feel bad and sulk. Tyical woman thing to do. This is because I felt out of control, had no faith in my ability to just talk about it, so you manipulate situations to get what you want. Just realising how stupid and ineffective this was made me realise. So now, its not that I feel 'in control' its more that I don't feel the need to manipulate to get what I want. So my confidence is better. I have person 3 to thank for this little enlightenment.

Kind of gone off on one here, sorry, just thought some people may relate and it might help them.


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

Charger, we do seem quite alike in our illness! I came over here after posting in the main forum too! It is soooooooooo complicated isn't it? It seems like everything is so intricately wound up, what causes this, this causes that, both cause each other, what comes first, the dp or the anxiety etc etc. The worst thing is that each of our mazes are different so whilst we can listen in to the advice of Janine etc, she can't give us the answer to our own problem. We can apply techniques and understand more but thats about it. For so long I looked for the answer on these pages, in the pages of books and in other people's stories, each time reading something new and thinking that I must have that problem too. But Ive realised that Im the only person who has the answer. Which is at least some comfort, knowing that the answer is with me all the time. And that for me, is to lead a happy life. Simple as that.

I can honestly say, that I have some gratitude for my 'crisis' over the last few months. This may not apply to everyone, especially those who have got dp through injury or drugs. Basically, I have learnt a few crucial things, about myself, things I have been forced to look at because of the hell Ive been through over the past few months. This realisation and understanding has done a few things. One, it has lessened my dp. Two, there are parts of me that feel better than before. Parts I didnt realise that were 'missing' or could have felt more whole. So, whilst in essence, I am still suffering, symptom wise, than before this episode, I am essentially stronger, with some tools under my belt. This tells me that I am on the right track. The symtpoms come and go, and my fear of them is much less. The greatest knowledge for me, is that I have always felt that this horrible thing 'happens' to me. Ever since I was a child, that scary feeling of when will it happen next? This has made me feel not in control, in many aspects of my life. Now I have realised that I am in control, I am in charge of my own destiny, I can almost sit back and relax, stop fighting for control. Cause I always had it...rambling again!!!!!!!!
Also, I stopped looking for 'trauma' in my life. The answer is much less complicated than that, I had developed ways of thinking that were unhealthy developed over time. It was helpful to recognise certain events and see them differently but you cant change the past. Its tough to relearn the basics and I fall at every hurdle but Im having fun! Im glad Ive been given the chance now and not later in my life. My boyfriend is glad too, cos Im learning things that benefit him. People are control freaks because they feel out of control. So, if he p*ssed me off, instead of telling him, I would make him feel bad and sulk. Tyical woman thing to do. This is because I felt out of control, had no faith in my ability to just talk about it, so you manipulate situations to get what you want. Just realising how stupid and ineffective this was made me realise. So now, its not that I feel 'in control' its more that I don't feel the need to manipulate to get what I want. So my confidence is better. I have person 3 to thank for this little enlightenment.

Kind of gone off on one here, sorry, just thought some people may relate and it might help them.


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2004)

Thanks g-funk!

What I don't understand now is that whenever there is even the slightest conflict in my head - for example: should I tell my husband he is pissing me off with such & such or just try & forget about it; the dp switch will flick on until I deal with the situation & then once I deal with it I'll feel normal again but then I'll feel guilt about making him feel bad.

Geez this is really complicated. I was thinking about what I said to Janine with regards to just living like this & this being recovered, my psychiatrist told me that this is what recovery is also. He said that as long as I could function without pills & just have an episode every couple of months than that would be fine, that is how I am built. I figured if I try to strive for perfection - that is - just no abnormal anxiety. Than I would be creating more conflict in myself when it did hit cause a perfect recovery could never happen.

Basically Janine is saying if I want to solve this fully I need to get my head analysed. I am comfortable where I am at the moment, I am just hoping that it will continue to get better with my own self help. I am frightened to come off the pills though. I am not on anti-anxiety any more just antidepressants.

I don't know I guess I'll see how I continue when I got off the medication. So why do other people who seem completely incapable of handling life don't have this dp/anxiety problems?


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2004)

Thanks g-funk!

What I don't understand now is that whenever there is even the slightest conflict in my head - for example: should I tell my husband he is pissing me off with such & such or just try & forget about it; the dp switch will flick on until I deal with the situation & then once I deal with it I'll feel normal again but then I'll feel guilt about making him feel bad.

Geez this is really complicated. I was thinking about what I said to Janine with regards to just living like this & this being recovered, my psychiatrist told me that this is what recovery is also. He said that as long as I could function without pills & just have an episode every couple of months than that would be fine, that is how I am built. I figured if I try to strive for perfection - that is - just no abnormal anxiety. Than I would be creating more conflict in myself when it did hit cause a perfect recovery could never happen.

Basically Janine is saying if I want to solve this fully I need to get my head analysed. I am comfortable where I am at the moment, I am just hoping that it will continue to get better with my own self help. I am frightened to come off the pills though. I am not on anti-anxiety any more just antidepressants.

I don't know I guess I'll see how I continue when I got off the medication. So why do other people who seem completely incapable of handling life don't have this dp/anxiety problems?


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

You don't necessarily need to see a therapist, some people can work things out for themselves. The benefit of a therapist is that he/she will have seen it before and may pick up on things that you may miss, because you are so used to being you.

Don't worry too much about analysing your head because it will make you feel worse. I didn't think there was much wrong with me before this dp episode, and there was nothing hugely wrong, I had no trauma or abuse in my history, so I could quite happily go on my merry way and be done with it, but I decided to just take a good long look at myself (but trying not to analyse too much). Actually that's not really true, it was more that I educated myself so much on the subject that I kind of started to get the gist of the whole thing. I was worried about feeling better because every time I did, I thought well, Im just ignoring the problem. Which made me think about dp again.

The whole idea, well for me anyway, is that get on with your life, you don't have to be thinking about your problem the whole time because that doesn't solve anything. You are entitled to feel happy so don't worry about what your recovery means to you at this stage. You just know when you're making progress. Im not seeing a therapist, though I quite like the idea of getting a professional's opinion. Im quite good at being my own therapist in a way, I can reason with myself and apply logic quite well, which is surprising considering the nature of DP. Thats how I get myself out of dp. The distraction thing, when in total dp doesn't work for me. I have to explain to myself exactly whats happening in order to flick the switch back. Ive taught my friend to do it too, but she only gets it mildly. If i were you, just learn about dp and yourself. Understanding and knowledge was absolutely key to getting myself out of dp, and learning to prevent it happening again, by resolving a few things that are obvious to me now. Never thought Id ever pick up a self help book, let alone read the bloody things. Its like a joke in the house now, I might open up a book shop.

jesus, I talk too much Ive just realised


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

You don't necessarily need to see a therapist, some people can work things out for themselves. The benefit of a therapist is that he/she will have seen it before and may pick up on things that you may miss, because you are so used to being you.

Don't worry too much about analysing your head because it will make you feel worse. I didn't think there was much wrong with me before this dp episode, and there was nothing hugely wrong, I had no trauma or abuse in my history, so I could quite happily go on my merry way and be done with it, but I decided to just take a good long look at myself (but trying not to analyse too much). Actually that's not really true, it was more that I educated myself so much on the subject that I kind of started to get the gist of the whole thing. I was worried about feeling better because every time I did, I thought well, Im just ignoring the problem. Which made me think about dp again.

The whole idea, well for me anyway, is that get on with your life, you don't have to be thinking about your problem the whole time because that doesn't solve anything. You are entitled to feel happy so don't worry about what your recovery means to you at this stage. You just know when you're making progress. Im not seeing a therapist, though I quite like the idea of getting a professional's opinion. Im quite good at being my own therapist in a way, I can reason with myself and apply logic quite well, which is surprising considering the nature of DP. Thats how I get myself out of dp. The distraction thing, when in total dp doesn't work for me. I have to explain to myself exactly whats happening in order to flick the switch back. Ive taught my friend to do it too, but she only gets it mildly. If i were you, just learn about dp and yourself. Understanding and knowledge was absolutely key to getting myself out of dp, and learning to prevent it happening again, by resolving a few things that are obvious to me now. Never thought Id ever pick up a self help book, let alone read the bloody things. Its like a joke in the house now, I might open up a book shop.

jesus, I talk too much Ive just realised


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