# Socializing



## Anonymity (Jul 8, 2013)

I hear that a big step to recovery is socializing, and building and maintaining relationships. Ever since I got DP/DR, I literally cannot form relationships or keep any of my old existing ones. My social skills are completely gone. I have no train of thought. My brain literally goes completely blank in the middle of me talking, or someone else talking. I don't really make sense, and I am no longer 'down to earth'. I know these sound like excuses and self doubt, but it isn't. These are very literal and real. I physically can not have a normal conversation with someone, and learn to adapt to them or form any type of bond. My brain simply does not fathom things as a whole, so I cannot adapt to a situation, as everything, even the simplest of conversations are fragmented. On top of all of this, my emotions are dull / numb, making things even harder to understand.

For those of you who have recovered, or are in the process of recovering; How did/are you guys able to socialize? I am not able to 'just do it', my brain is incapable of socializing... how do I get myself to the point where I can think clear enough in the future and in the present moment to be able to converse and hold conversations / build relationships.

I don't know, maybe it's just subjectively different.

Thank you.


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## WorkingOnIt (Oct 10, 2014)

I think you have to reach a point where you are not panicking 24/7. If you are literally not able to maintain a thought, I think socializing may not be the first step for you. Try something pleasurable with less pressure in the near term. Socializing does have a tendency to be pressuring. There are a lot of "rules" that most people operate within while socializing.

I have been improving while spending time with even my dog. He doesn't require any real verbal communication except "ah whatta good boy!" In addition, I think there's opportunities to do something for someone indirectly. You could volunteer to mow your neighbor's lawn or help them with a task. In this instance you dont actually need to be communicating with them verbally, but it is a personal interaction which helps build your relationship with them.

In short, take it easy right away and realize that relationships are not entirely based on verbal communication.


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## Anonymity (Jul 8, 2013)

Thank you for the reply...

I am surrounded by people every day, I am a server in a fast-paced fine dining restaurant and I go to school full time.

People talk to me, and it is like nothing registers, and the things that do register, I don't know how to reply back to it. I feel completely monotone, even though that is not how I sound. My emotion, and my facial expressions feel completely 'flat'.

It is not that I am scared or panicky. It is that I have no interest, and I do not know how to even fake an interest. I simply lose my train of thought. I cannot focus on the current moment or the reality around me for more than 10 seconds at a time. I am constantly fragmenting moments through different perspectives. I use to have a personality, something that drove me through the day, but none of that exists. It is like I am a robot with no soul. I am not scared at all. Sometimes I get nervous, but rarely. I can't even feel embarassment anymore.


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## WorkingOnIt (Oct 10, 2014)

Constantly fragmenting moments through different perspectives is something I can relate to. I remember times a few months ago when I literally felt like my vision and other senses were only sampling the world at "a couple frames per second". Honestly I've improved by trying to focus and when those 10 seconds are over and I zone out, I try again and shoot for 11 seconds next time. There's no rationalizing our way out of this.


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## yoloking (Mar 20, 2015)

For the first month and a half of DP/DR, I also had difficulty communicating. I was so consumed with what the way _I _was feeling, I could not properly communicate. Although socializing is very important to recovery, it may be a step that you are taking too early. You have to start slow. Start by smiling to people you know, then progress to saying "hello goodbye", then shorter conversations. Anyways, I recently recovered if anyone is interested: http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/50120-how-to-recover-from-dpdr/


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## Irene (Nov 13, 2014)

I've had this problem for a while now in regards to communication.Communicating is a big part of my job so I was freaking out for awhile.I've tried to change my perspective about all the pressure and challenges when it comes to talking.First of all I was too busy always analyzing myself in the middle of conversations, so I missed everything the other person was saying.Secondly, I thought about what I was going to say before it was necessary to, so conversations always ended up being VERY unnatural.Now, I try not to analyze how I'm feeling during conversations and I stop myself from obsessing about what my response will be and how I will sound.This has been helping me become more social.When I start to trip out for Dp reasons I try to reset myself by taking a break from the conversations(go to the restroom, go to my car to get "something"...etc)The more you practice these techniques, the better you get at socializing again.Baby steps...


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