# sex



## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

Why are humans so obsessed with sex? Is it just me? I don't know much about men in respect to orgasms except what I've been told. But literally it's only 5 seconds of really intense pleasure. The other 30 minutes are just build up of getting to that pleasure. Is it the same with men, really only a few seconds of real pleasure?

It's a drug I tell you. We go in a zone when we're horny and all rationality goes out the window.

It's better when you really want someone. Because then the entire 30 minutes is intense pleasure. But again, this may be different for men.

So can all the men here enlighten me about how they are with sex as far as pleasure goes?


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

I don?t know if you read the posts on the main board, but it looks like several of them aren?t interested at all. 
---
I used to feel like sex was just a trick that mother nature used to get us to reproduce - I felt sort of conned.

Nowadays I probably associate it more with creativity and self-actualisation, and I find it very psychologically stimulating. It?s the unltimate interaction when it is practised beyond the physical act.


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

I prefer the pre-orgasm sex to last as long as possible because after the orgasm I just want to go on and do something else - probably in the pursuit of another high.

I love tooing and froing between the threshold of an orgasm and the horniness of love making - I wish I could stay there forever. The points at which I reach the threshold I would rate 80% as pleasurable as an orgasm itself. Sometimes my other half asks, 'Why not just let it happen?' And I'm thinking, 'no way, having to much fun!'

BTW, this is only happens when my anxiety levels are low 'casue if the anxiety overwhelming I have no drive what-so-ever.


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

Milan said:


> I prefer the pre-orgasm sex to last as long as possible because after the orgasm I just want to go on and do something else - probably in the pursuit of another high.
> 
> I love tooing and froing between the threshold of an orgasm and the horniness of love making - I wish I could stay there forever. The points at which I reach the threshold I would rate 80% as pleasurable as an orgasm itself. Sometimes my other half asks, 'Why not just let it happen?' And I'm thinking, 'no way, having to much fun!'
> 
> BTW, this is only happens when my anxiety levels are low 'casue if the anxiety overwhelming I have no drive what-so-ever.


Oh My God Man,
I couldn't have said it better myself.
You have a damned lucky wife, Milan. Seriously.
DAMN.
D


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

P.S.

I always say this, but we are obsessed with sex as we're programmed to be so. I'm certain of this. And I don't mind it at all. I miss sex. GOD I MISS IT, I miss right now not even wanting it due to anxiety and depression.

But it is instinctive ... yet as humans we can inject it with so many other things.

I think it's the most wonderful thing in the world. And it is our biological imperative.

And I recall someone once saying, "but the world is overpopulated". That makes no sense. Without this instinct, after the atomic bomb hits, or an asteroid hits the earth, if there is one healthy man, and a lot of healthy women, we're all set!

No animal on this earth has a stronger desire than to survive. The rest is gravy.

I don't know how humans function as well as we do ... how we're still here ... sex and love rule. Longing for someone, being with someone I care about, enjoy, is wonderful.

Yup, biological reductionist and hopeless romantic, and proud of it.

D
Frustrated as well.


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

enngirl5 said:


> It's a drug I tell you. We go in a zone when we're horny and all rationality goes out the window.


Yes, this does happen. :?



> It's better when you really want someone. Because then the entire 30 minutes is intense pleasure.


Enngirl, agree on both points. Sorry this is directed towards the males, but I think a good many men "want" in a loving way. They are out there.

D[/quote]


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

I?ve got a crush on a girl at the moment, how does that figure? There isn?t anything biological or romantic about it - my sex-drive is out of control and I think I must be confused about my identity or something. I don?t want to give in to the desire because I am afraid it will make me less of a woman. I still love men, always have always will.

Apart from that I have to say she is very beautiful and full-bodied. I can?t believe I am even writing this but WTF I am not going to live forever, and I can?t help it. It would be really weird if something actually happened. I?m almost a free agent now, so if I am daring enough, I could in theory do something with a girl. My boyfriend would be disgusted if I told him about this - I once told when a girl (ex-best friend) had asked me to join a threesome with her and a guy and he was utterly appalled. I wasn?t even interested, just found it funny and thought I would tell him about the offer.

Anyway I have written waaaaaay too much, and ought to retreat to my worry-den.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

> I?ve got a crush on a girl at the moment, how does that figure? There isn?t anything biological or romantic about it - my sex-drive is out of control and I think I must be confused about my identity or something. I don?t want to give in to the desire because I am afraid it will make me less of a woman. I still love men, always have always will.
> 
> Apart from that I have to say she is very beautiful and full-bodied. I can?t believe I am even writing this but WTF I am not going to live forever, and I can?t help it. It would be really weird if something actually happened. I?m almost a free agent now, so if I am daring enough, I could in theory do something with a girl. My boyfriend would be disgusted if I told him about this - I once told when a girl (ex-best friend) had asked me to join a threesome with her and a guy and he was utterly appalled. I wasn?t even interested, just found it funny and thought I would tell him about the offer.


I don't think giving into your desire would make you less of a woman. At all.

Also, I find it appalling that your boyfriend would find it appalling if you mentioned this to him. I don't think he was probably so disgusted. He was probably more so jealous hearing about any intimate past of yours. I personally don't know too many men who are disgusted by the idea. I am a completely heterosexual girl and I can see the allure of two women being together. Anyway, don't feel embarrased by your desires. Sexuality is not all black and white.


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## Epiphany (Apr 28, 2006)

> You have a damned lucky wife, Milan. Seriously. DAMN.


Agreed Dreamer...agreed. Sigh.



> Frustrated as well.


Yup, me toooooo...especially after reading Milan's post.



> I don't think giving into your desire would make you less of a woman. At all.


I'm with Enngirl on this...it can't make you less of a woman...it will only create issues within yourself if it means crossing boundaries you aren't comfortable with.
I am in no way confused about my sexuality, never have been...but I'll admit I've had a crush on a girl before...maybe a couple of times...I don't think it's that unusual.

Sorry enngirl...I know you directed this post at the men. At the moment I think I am obsessed with sex myself...unfortunately my other half isn't.

Just to add to Enngirls question to the guys, out of curiosity, how important is it for you to reach orgasm during sex? If you don't, do you consider the whole session a waste of time or does it not overly bother you?


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

> Just to add to Enngirls question to the guys, out of curiosity, how important is it for you to reach orgasm during sex? If you don't, do you consider the whole session a waste of time or does it not overly bother you?


You ever notice how men almost _always_ have an orgasm during sex? It's not over until they do. Whereas women, or me, have had sex many many times without having an orgasm. Men still hold most of the power in life whether we like it or not.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Dreamer said:


> And I recall someone once saying, "but the world is overpopulated". That makes no sense. Without this instinct, after the atomic bomb hits, or an asteroid hits the earth, if there is one healthy man, and a lot of healthy women, we're all set!
> 
> *No animal on this earth has a stronger desire than to survive.*


Well, clearly you've never heard of the _African Wild Cat_. There are only 25 left of them in the world, and most of the time they're either deep, deep within the belly of the earth, no doubt hatching their nefarious nocturnal plans...or they're out prowling about under the moonlight, fangs and claws coated in an obscene plaster of blood from their many victims. Oh...no, young Dreamer...these are not animals to be trifled with in the best of times. And you want to put their very survival in question??!!? My God, woman...i beseech you...never back these hellcats into a corner!

*BEHOLD!!!*










s.


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

enngirl5 said:


> > Just to add to Enngirls question to the guys, out of curiosity, how important is it for you to reach orgasm during sex? If you don't, do you consider the whole session a waste of time or does it not overly bother you?
> 
> 
> You ever notice how men almost _always_ have an orgasm during sex? It's not over until they do. Whereas women, or me, have had sex many many times without having an orgasm. Men still hold most of the power in life whether we like it or not.


Ah, seb, gave me a smile there.

And Enngirl, I don't see this has men holding "power." (I like being taken, cough, by that power though in said manners we are discussing)8) There are advantages to being a member of either sex I think. And over the years I've run into many sensitive men for whom sex is not a power trip in the least. Men need closeness, intimacy, etc., just for intimacy's sake.

And Miss Starling, I agree there is nothing wrong in being attracted to members of the opposite sex, either. I simply believe in survival, survival of the fittest, adaptation, etc., etc.

I don't understand why the males aren't responding. I would say, for men, the orgasm is critical -- here we go again -- "Good evening, may I take you out and inseminate you?" lol. A man's imperative is to inseminate, hence in theory the orgasm is inevitable.

Of course though men have problems with orgasm, ejaculation, etc... now I'm saying WTF about what I'm typing. OMG life is rotten these days.

At any rate, with myself, the orgasm is not the goal for me in sex at all. It is everything Milan describes. The wanting, the excitement, the RABID desire, the anticipation, etc. If that could last forever, I'd be happy. An orgasm (for me more easily accomplished on my own) is the frosting on the cake.

If I can spend FOREVER feeling excited with a man, that's all I want.

I'd say as men get older, it is a longer experience for them, and they enjoy that ... I prefer it. But my first boyfriend... ah, many years ago at uni, when we were 18 and 20 (he was 18 and wild) ... for us, the best sex was all night long. Being that close with no "goals".

Again I'd say men are indeed "programmed" to have an orgasm. They must have one. Women "don't need to have one". But the attraction is imperative to bring two bodies together, else why would any critter engage in such behavior if there weren't some "treat", some "reward."

Ah, I've gotten too scientific. But I am really a romantic. I want to love and be loved. All that matters.

All that matters, regardless of everything else. And for me, it's exclusively with a man. But that doesn't mean it doesn't work with two women or two men. It's a human extension of our biology as our brains take us further, our fantasies, or desires, etc.

Enough. Just something to occupy me at the mo.

Peace and Love Babies 8)

I've got to find these things before I rot. OMG, it's October. A new month. Time to try again. Time to get up and fight.
L,
D


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## Dreamer (Aug 9, 2004)

Damn, sorry about the double posting.

I wish more men would participate in this discussion.

Like talking about sex. Maybe it will get some fires going. I'm feeling a little chilly these days. Sigh


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

Yeah, I agree with everything you said Dreamer. The wanting is great. It's just been so long I guess I forgot how good all that is.


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

Epiphany said:


> > You have a damned lucky wife, Milan. Seriously. DAMN.
> 
> 
> Agreed Dreamer...agreed. Sigh.


Dreamer and Epiphany could you please forward your comments to my wife 8)

Like most women (not so much the women on this forum where there seems to be less division between the sexes - probably due to the DP thing) they're very idealistic about marriage and what/how a husband should act/be and men simply cannot fit this idealistic mould therefore leaving the women in state of dissatisfied frustration. With my wife it is always he romance thing that seems to be the issue. If I don't do such and such then you obviously don?t love me. It's simply too difficult. As far as sex goes, I'm your typical generation X'er with the mortgage, young kids (baby), work and no time, money or energy for much in life, which means I can count on my left hand the amount of times we've copulated in the past 12 months. That's why I have a mistress to satisfy my carnal desires and this mistress also helps me with many other things, for example - opening door handles, turning the ignition in my car, scratching those annoying itches??you get the drift :wink:


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Do you really have a mistress?

No doubt I am a hypocrite, but I feel that is sad when I man cannot devote all his love to one woman. All women usually want is attention, consideration and love, but wholeheartedly.


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

Maybe I was too subtle. The mistress I was referring to was my right hand. And who'd be crazy enough to have a mistress cuz one women is enough to deal with at the best of times :wink:

I don't believe you should play around unless both of you agree to it. I've seen marriages break down when a partner cheats which is not such a big deal but when kids are involved it's tragic. These kids are now adults and you can see the psychological damage from the break-up when they were children. It's sad.

I'm devoted to my family and would never cheat unless the relationship was completely void of friendship and love, and even then I'd still try to make it work. Family is foremost in my life.


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## Epiphany (Apr 28, 2006)

No Milan...I didn't think you were subtle at all...short of mentioning Mrs Palmer.



> which means I can count on my left hand the amount of times we've copulated in the past 12 months.


Groan...me too. Mismatched sex drives can be more of a problem than is realised...as well as what is expected to make it enjoyable for either partner. Although I believe it is quality over quantity, both have been the cause of many a disgruntled discussion over my 8 1/2 years with my husband (always started by me). I just accept it now, that we have the love life of an 80 year old couple and have had since I was 20...and believe me, I have tried practically every different approach to improve this...I don't try anymore. Aren't I far too young to be saying that?



> Men still hold most of the power in life whether we like it or not.


I also don't look at this as the men holding the power...in fact, it makes me feel powerful because I'm the one who made it happen. It's always been a bit of a game for me...controlling this. Perfecting my techniques and being able to decide (most of the time) when to make it happen (has many advantages, especially if you aren't really enjoying it and want to bring it to a close). Hmmm...I think my husband has allowed me too much thinking time during sex over the years...I suppose that goes with me being the giver and him being the taker.



> You ever notice how men almost always have an orgasm during sex? It's not over until they do.


I would say that is true in about at least 90% of cases.
Luckily I have met 2 guys in my lifetime for whom this wasn't the case. Guy # 1 - could not be faulted in the bedroom, but we were both young and not ready to settle down. Guy # 2 - also couldn't fault him...it took him forever to reach orgasm and a lot of times he wouldn't and it didn't bother him and even if he did reach it, it wasn't over. If there is such a thing as a soul mate then he is/was it...I have no idea why I let him go. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband but we are incompatible in so many ways. It's almost like I rejected the whole true love, fairytale romance thing while it was there in my face and instead chose to settle down with someone who might as well be my brother (as icky as that sounds).



> Whereas women, or me, have had sex many many times without having an orgasm.


Any women out there like me who NEVER have (except of course by myself)? :shock:

I can't believe how obsessed I am with the whole sex topic at the moment...at 7 months pregnant!!!! That has to be a design flaw. Damn hormones!!!

Oh man...time to go...I really do talk too much.


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