# i need some help!!



## banker (Apr 29, 2008)

Hi all,

I'm just new to this site and have found reading through the posts quite helpful. My depersonalization started after smoking marijuana. Straight away, I feel completely detatched from my own body and I remember thinking "i've gone too far..i've lost my mind" I went to bed and when I woke up i was just relived i wasn't feeling like that anymore. The next episode of DP was when I was 19.I was working as a nanny and suddenly things just didn't seem real. Like a very scary daydream that I couldn't snap out of. I remember walking home crying my eyes out, because every time this happens it feels like i'm not going to come out of it.. like i will be this way forever. I went to see a couple of GP's. One diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder and the other said i was depressed. I don't believe i have either of these things. Anyway, the DP gradually faded and I got used to living life with the occasional episode. Never anything serious, only a couple of hours at the most. I found this to be manageable as it only happened every couple of months.

Last thursday i was on my way to the hairdresser when i felt it coming on.. strong. I became panicky and very anxious and had to go straight home. I went to bed, thinking that when I woke up it would all be ok.. but it wasn't. By sunday I was freaking out. I have never had an episode of DP last this long apart from the very first attack. I went to an after-hours GP who has referred me to a psychiatrist (going there on Friday). She also gav me 20 Xanax to ease the anxiety until I see this doctor. They work ok I suppose. Its Tuesday (six days straight) now and I have taken the day off work because Xanax is making me sleepy.

The thing is I'm worried this is how I'm going to be forever. It makes me feel insane and that scares the crap out of me. The Xanax sort of helps the anxiety but does nothing to make me feel real again. Thats all I want. To feel real. I have tried to explain to my mum and boyfriend. He is supportive but doesn't really understand. I am so frightened of losing him over this.. because I feel like I have changed. I don't want him to think I'm some crazy person!!

I am wondering if anyone has some tips for day-to-day dealing with this.. or maybe medications that help. I'm 22 years old and feel like I'm living this empty life. I'm frightened I'm never going to come out of this haze. The only time I feel ok is when I sleep. I am losing my mind over this... never felt so scared. I'm sick of people telling me its panic attacks.. its not!! I get panic attacks when I start thinking about how far I've drifted from myself.

If anyone has any advise.. please reply. This is ruining my life.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hi banker thanks for writing out your story. I can relate to a lot of what you said. In general it seems like most people don't benefit from medication. I tried ever pharmaceutical drug there is and nothing helps with DP. It's a hard concept but most everyone on here will tell you the best thing you can do is try to ignore it and thus give it less power. If you can try to keep your self occupied and focus on things other than the DP it can help. Other than that try to stay positive and just live one day at a time.


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## serkan (May 1, 2008)

You can email me anytime you want to talk about it .


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## serkan (May 1, 2008)

I have the similar problems like you say and totally understand your situation. It has been really hard for me to deal with this by myself over the years because nobody believes me or supports me about this serious problem. All I can say it I have DP/DR for long time and I could not figure out a way to deal with that efficiently. I am at the point that I lost ever thing in my life, my career, my partner, my family is going to be very soon because I am so upset that they do not give jack shit and have no attempt to understand my condition. I am tired of trying to explain to people close to me and get even more upset when they have no intention to learn about it. All I can recommend it put your self at ease. Somehow anxiety triggers it even though you do not feel it physically. In my case I do have a physiological anxiety and it starts as soon as I step out of house and no matter what I think It does not stop. It seems like my brain is programmed to simulate it chemically no matter what I do or where I am and DP starts depending on the level of anxiety. Now I do act like If this world falls apart I do not care. It seems to reduce my worries and anxiety level and DP related to that little bit at least I feel some control over it. If I try harder to feel better or concentrate it gets even worse now it is my turn to screw this condition up by not worrying about noting. It is like a monster that feeds on worries, anxiety and deep thinking. I am trying to live my life day to day with no plans, no worries and try to get less upset about people around me because it does not help at all. I get distant with them in the process unfortunately because dealing with them get me upset. I am sorry to hear that you are having a problem in your relationship. Mine fell apart because my girl friend refused to understand it. It was unfortunate one way and fortunate other way because I would not want to be with somebody can not even make an attempt to listen and understand me little bit at least. I was happy about the out come because it gives a real test to your relationship and help you to see if person you are with want to walk with you thorough the obstacles in your life together. It is of course a tough illness to understand for others just be patient and as long as they show some interest to understand it little bit thats what matters the most.You have to educate them slowly and patiently in the time and put less expectations on ever thing around you that will relieve some anxiety. Good luck for your life and best wishes.


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## iamgrace (May 7, 2008)

honey you are ok! I know it you will believ it too. please see this site it helped me so much http://www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks.co ... ation.html

you are not alone you see and you are not nuts and I think we that experience this feel some damage has been done to our brains but it has not, be careful with yourelf right now, be kind to yourself, drink water, get rest, try not to believe these insane thoughts these thoughts are trilt from stress, you have no disorder, it is simply our bodies reating to stress and being aware of things feeling different...I know I felt like that for weeks it is feels like hell, but Faith and faith alone saved me and then I found this article I was haing intrusive thought syet I knew I wouldnt hurt anyone but the thoughts were coming so uncontrolable that I feared, what if I do it>! insane! it is not true you still know right from wrong that is why you are uncomfortable and rightly so, it is uncomfortable but dont fear it as it only perpetuates the anxiety and perpetuates the sensations...
have faith and you will be ok
even if you woory and dont have faith you still will be ok cause your body will finally realize there is no real danger and you will snap out of it and you will be fine! no damage, just a passing phase, a cruel phase I know I just experienced it too.
Much love to you!


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## AlexEcstasy (May 7, 2008)

To be honest, your episodes should not last long.
Often, short episodes are caused by stress and/or anxiety.

I've had Depersonalization AND Derealization for over a year now. 
I've become accustomed to it.

If you continue getting these "episodes" of DP throughout your life, you most likely will become accustomed to it and you will hopefully learn to control it.


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## sheilamarie (May 18, 2008)

i just started experiencing all this crap recently...but its already caused me to lose alot...
and im also worried itll cause me to lose a lot more.
i dont know.
this is all really hard and all i can do is tell you that i actually do understand and if you need a friend im here.


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