# My story of recovery/ Everything about DP/DR



## zouxi (Aug 19, 2011)

Greetings,

First of alll excuse me for my brken english since it is not my native language, i am from Lebanon. I will tell you my story: I am a 29 years old, male, having a wonderful family and friends and a happy life. However, 6 years ago, i expereinced my first episode of panic attack and as a result i had DP/DR for around six consecutive years with only few moments of relief, i lived almost hell, however I RECOVERED now completely. After so much time, i decided to gather everything i read, everything i felt, everything i experienced aggravated or eased the Dp/DR and i wil post them in this forum. My input will be in a form of questions and answers.

P.S: I am not a proffessional therapist or anything of the like, so please consider this disclaimer as an advise rather than a proffessional medical help or therapy.

1- What is depersonalisation/Derealisation?

First of all, the therms DP and DR are used differently, however from my own experience they are two different facets for the same symptom (REMEMBER: DP/DR are not a disorder, i can't even begin to stress on how much this is important to start with). DP/DR are a defence mechanism in our body/brain that helps us to dissociate and remove ourselves from the danger and/or to distract from a too much scary reality/uncopable trauma,etc...By ackowledging this fact, it is then useless and futie to fight them ( i will talk about this further in the post ater on), it is like trying to stop your body shivering when faced with extreme cold, or when you try to stop your eyes tearing to protec your eyesduct from unwanted dust,etc... Think about it: IT is futile and will lead to nowhere if you fight it, you cannot fight to start with.

2-Why DP and DR are the same condition?

With a 6 years horrendous and debiliating experince, i can fairly confirm that they are the same with two different facets: It is your mind getting closer to sleep state while you are awake , when you are close to sleep state, DP and DR begin to emerge and their nasty symptoms start: feeling unreal (DR) and feeling detached from yourself (DP), existential questions (DP) etc..., are all a result for the proximity of sleep state. When you sleep you dream (dreaming while being dred), when you are about to sleep or you wake up suddenly you sometimes do not realize where you are and who you are (the brain needs a couple of seconds after you wake up to process information correctly and remove you from sleep state to fully awake state). When you are Dpred/DRed , you are exactly in this state. As Simple as that.

3- Why some people get Dp/DR and other don't?

Well this is honestly one of the most important questions regarding he condition. I personally believe that EVERY human being experience Dp and Dr at some moments of life, However not all experience prolonged periods. Now the question is : why some people experience prolonged period and some no? many theories floated around, some talked about abuse (any kind of abuse) during infancy/childhood, others talk about a negative thought pattern that is learned during stress/anxiety/panic. I personally believe that both theories are true, i know from myself ( i had an emotional abuse and an unresolved trauma when i was child and i faced OCD,anxiety and panic attacks).
However, regardless of the true answer, i say: What's the difference, here, i don't care why some people experience DP while others no, what matters now is to solve my condition.

4-Is the Dp/Dr caused by drug use the same as the Dp/Dr caused by panic/anxiety/depression?

Well, this a difficult question as well, after my long experience, i can firmly say: YES, however DP caused by anxiety is always accompanied by nasty feelings, as for DP caused by drugs start by a cosy feeling (not fearful) but becomes nasty like the former when the effect of the drug begins to show (after the cool effect of the drug, there is the bad part, PAnic attacks, depression, etc..).

5-Will i become insane/crazy?

NO, with capital letters. Take it as a rule of thumb: whenever you know your condition and you know aht you are feeling and you know that something is going wrong with you (all DPred people know that what they are feeling is wrong and they are not themselves) you are not going insane, in fact it is the opposite, you are too much sane. True psychotic people are notware of what' happening withm, while DPred people are grounded the true reality, odd reality however.

6-Do vitamins, herbs, meditation, exercise relieve DP?

Yes and No.No because they do not cure DP (DP is a condition and not a disorder, it cannot be cured, the root cause should be cured), but yes, since by giving your body all what it needs from vitamins and by exercising you are boosting your metabolism, you are leading a life towards WELLBEING, and when you have wellbeing, you are happy and when you are happy you cannot be DPred/Drred ( ask yourself now the following question: I have Dp,am i happy? i bet that no one will answer yes, because if you are happy and enjoying life, DP does not come to you at the first place).

7- Does distraction help?

HEre again, yes and no. From my experience i can say that distraction helps only if you distract yourself and engage in ENJOYABLE activities, however if you are heavily DPred and distract by facing stressfull activities, DP will persist, even increase (see, look at the correlation again between, JOY and DP....DP comes to isolate you from fearful, stressful, traumatic reality that is too much on you to handle and face, when the reality become enjoyable, the DP does not show up, there is no need for it anymore).

8-Can DP exist without anxiety? in oter words, if my anxiety/OCD/ depression fade away COMPLETELY, can i still have DP?

The simple answer is NO, with capital letters. The human being is driven by instinct in life to seek happiness and joy, anxiety kicks joy, so when happiness/joy/wellbeing come again, DP disappear.

9-Can sleep patterns affect DP/DR?

I cannot even begin to stress enough on how much sleep affects the condition. As i said earlier, when you have DP/DR, your mind is in the middle between sleeping and waking state. So how sleep affects Dp/DR. I was searching years for an answer and i noticed something: When i undersleep (or sleep deprivation) i develop DP, when i oversleep, i develop DR. Why??? simply because your mind needs the exact of amount of sleep needed to be in a fully awake state, when you undersleep, you are similar to the person who wakes up suddenly, his brain cannot process information until half a minute or so (cannot exactly know who you are, where you are, sometimes you forget where you are if you sleep in a week-end in a camp or so), so your DP increase. When you oversleep, the DR increases because your minds is still dreaming (you dream while you are asleep).

10-What about the existantial/philsophical questions?

Well , they have a very rational explanation. First of all, after i recovered completely, i can firmly say that ALL human beings ask these questions (what i am doing here on earth, what is existence, who i am , ,etc..), however when you have DP, these questions become amplified because your mind closed the blaket on itself and there is external stimuli to deal with, no distraction, it begins to ask these questions in an uncontralable way, they are intense and unbearble sometimes, i know because i was there for six years, but you know what, sooner or later you will doscover that these are only brain noise , do not giv them any attention.

In order to ease things to you , i will answer rationally to the most asked questions while DPred/Drred.

a- Do i exist?
Do you know/ feel that you exist if you are asleep or undergoing a surgery with geenral anesthesia?? of course no. See, consciousness and existence is a matter of perception.

b- Am i dreaming/ is everything real?
Again this is a silly question, it comes from the dream logic when you are sleeping. Again, the proximity to sleep state explains this question.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

This is great and all but you didn't really describe how you recovered. You should probably expand on that


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## zouxi (Aug 19, 2011)

11-How much this condition will persist?

It can last anywhere from one minute to years. When the anxiety ends, the DP will dissipate. To explain further, i will tell you that I have had always DP after prolonged periods of panic attack/anxiety/stress. I remember that in when i had panic attacks, i used to cry, howver after the DP i was no longer able to cry, because this protection mechanism numbed my emotions to protect me from the fear in the true relity.

Finally, i will tell you something from the bottom of my heart:

You cannot even imagine the wonders of the human body and especially the mind in healing itself. God has created something perfect that goes beyond our imagination. You can PM me if you need any reassurance, all what i can say for now is: don't give a sh*** about DP/DR, they do not desevre your attention, just believe in yourself and in your inner power, everyone is a warrior, believe me.

Although i passed through horrendous moments for six long years of my life, i never regret it. Because this experience gave me anotehr perspective of life that i could have not get if i never developed the condition. I am now a warrior, i can face anything and everything in life.

Just believe in yourself, and rememeber when you come safe and unharmed from the this condition very soon ( you will come back safe, it is a fact, just see me), you will discover how much DP and DR are nothing worthy to worry about, you will love them, interestingly though, you will even want from time to time to be DP, because you will know the purpose of this mechanism.

I wanted to write this post because i know that ALL of you needs one thing that will speed your recovery (more than any practical tip), you need REASSURANCE. i was there, in the absolute depths of this condition, and i needed desperately reaussurance, and now after i receovered i feel gratitude and i want to reassure everybody feeling what i felt for six long years.

N.B: a final tip, if you want to do a great favor for yourself and solve the condition, do not spend than one hour reading (books, forums, etc...) about the condition, this will lead to nowhere. Just engage in joyful activities.

Blessings and peace.


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## zouxi (Aug 19, 2011)

Jayd said:


> This is great and all but you didn't really describe how you recovered. You should probably expand on that


When the anxiety was solved, the DP went away alone. However, things with DP and anxiety are complicated, since they tend to worsen eachother, it is an endless loop that does not end of you do not tackle it in the right way. You should focues on resolving anxiety without caring much about DP, then anxiety begins to fade slowly, to the point when DP does not exist.

It is a slow process, tough at times, but worth to try, believe me...


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## Angel_heaven (Jun 1, 2010)

What were u taking? Any medications, supplements etc? Congrats on ur recovery!


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## zouxi (Aug 19, 2011)

Angel_heaven said:


> What were u taking? Any medications, supplements etc? Congrats on ur recovery!


I was taking paxil...


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

HellO!

This is great, you recovered after that much time im releived to hear that!

Firstly i must comment on what DP and DR is and it is not an in between sleeping and waking state. It indeed appears that way but thats not what it IS.

What it is is that your body is reacting to a number of different stressors. All individual and anxiety is a huge part of it as you said. And without it DP just wouldnt exist.

Id like to see this post in the "positive progress thread" located in the "regaining reality" forum. I gather all positive stories and recovery there for panicy people to go read. So id be reeeally glad if you could copy paste this there aswell =) Thank you and congratulations!


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## Guest (Aug 19, 2011)

I agree with almost all of the answers.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

are u still on this site.. wud love a chat


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