# I cant take this much longer



## jason78 (Jun 6, 2011)

New here and just looking for some help. Back on November 4th 2010, I had a complete meltdown. I had been smoking pot off and on for about a year( never did it much prior) For what ever reason this night the pot seemed to have gotten me to feel like I was too high and suddenly my mind and body began to panick. I thought I was having a heart attack and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. I remember telling the Paramedics that I really screwed up and shouldnt have smoked and that I felt like I was never coming down from the weed, I was terrified that I was "permafried" The doctor assured me that it was just the drugs causing me to freak out and I would be fine in the morning. I didnt relize that I had a panick attack becouse I had never had one before. The next morning I woke up and immeaditly began to have another panick attack. For the next month and a half I went to the E.R. about 10 times. I had this feeling that I couldnt explain and after researching i figured out it was depersonalization. In late december my thoughts and feelings were completely out of control, I didnt trust my thoughts, nothing seemed real. I began thinking that I was going to hurt my son and my girlfriends kids. This thought scared me so much that I went back to the E.R. and was admitted into the hospital into a phyciatric ward. I was there for 5 days and released. I see a Phyciatrist and a therapist now a couple times a month. I have been prescribed 300 mg of serequel and am supposed to take 2 mg of klonipin daily to go along with my prozac. The pyhsical panic attacks have stopped, but the mental part, the depersonalization, makes every day a struggle. The doctors tell me that this is happening becouse of possible panic disorder and depression. I have dealt with depression my whole life and for the most part could handle it. But this all started one night after smoking pot.

In the months that have passed I have lost almost everything, my girlfriend has left me, I have gained weight, and I feel like I cannot work. I live with my Grandparents now and have my son full time. My son keeps me going, but I'am totally defeated by depersonilization. Its been 7 months since that night and I dont feel any better. My family is so upset becouse they dont know what to do. They ask me every day "how do you feel today" and I dont even know how to answer the question. I have forgotten what feeling normal felt like. Everything feels unreal, sometimes I have to pull over when I'am driving becouse I get so freaked out, I think that I'am going to lose it and crash, I still have the horrible thoughts about hurting my son even though I love my son very much and I know I would never hurt him, its just my mind messing with me. I havnt smoked pot since that night and have tried drinking a handful of times, but it doesnt help. I feel like my life is over becouse I dont have a future. I cant imagine dealing with this every day for the rest of my life. Nothing seems to work for me. I'am just hoping somebody has recovered from this and can give me some hope. Im really scared and I'v hit rock bottom. I'am afraid if I ever get better I wont even know it. I wish I never started smoking pot!! Has anbody had this happen to them after smoking pot and did you recover from it???


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Dude are you kidding me?!? Half the people here got there DP through smoking pot.

And it isn't pot that "caused" your DP. It's what "triggered" your DP. If you didn't get DP from weed you would have got it from something else.

And yeah there's a lot of people who recover especially the ones who are drug induced.


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## kirbyking (Feb 20, 2008)

Hmm I got dp/dr from smoking pot.
I'm trying to get a doctor tomorrow to see.
I can work but school is hard because of my symptoms 
It's been 3 years now and i feel like i cant do it anymore either.
my vision is horrible and anxiety is through the roof.


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## jason78 (Jun 6, 2011)

My vision has seemed to have gotten worse since this happened also. Also when I look at my leg or hands, they dont seem real. My dreams are just freakin insane! I just cant believe this happended to me. I had never heard of depersonalization before and thought that pot was pretty much harmless. I cant believe how stupid I'am.


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## kirbyking (Feb 20, 2008)

jason78 said:


> My vision has seemed to have gotten worse since this happened also. Also when I look at my leg or hands, they dont seem real. My dreams are just freakin insane! I just cant believe this happended to me. I had never heard of depersonalization before and thought that pot was pretty much harmless. I cant believe how stupid I'am.


That's how i felt when i first got dp from smoking. my dreams and body body felt forien.
and the dreams where lucid i felt like i was seeing things.

Now i just feel spaced out vision very anxious like going insane.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

My vision is fucked too, and when I went to the eye doctor I had "perfectly healthy eyes" including 20/20 vision.


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## Guest (Jun 6, 2011)

jason78 said:


> The doctors tell me that this is happening becouse of possible panic disorder and depression.


wow these doctors are so smart. sorry for being offtopic


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## Guest (Jun 6, 2011)

Jayd said:


> Dude are you kidding me?!? Half the people here got there DP through smoking pot.
> 
> And it isn't pot that "caused" your DP. It's what "triggered" your DP. If you didn't get DP from weed you would have got it from something else.


agree. don't worry about weed. what triggered mine was a hangover, and not even a hard one.


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## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

I think two migraine attacks is what triggered my DR,and I have it for about 2 months now and it's really getting unbearably hard to cope with. But I'll stay strong and I have the hope that it will go away,and so do you.


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## fastone2368 (Jan 15, 2011)

Hi everyone.. I've been going through this dpd/dr for about 2 and a half years now. it's been getting worse and worse. I now feel like i'm getting an episode as people call "dropping in the blackpit" like all reality is taken away from me for a couple minutes, until i get really emotional then it comes baack a little enough for me to get by. My biggest fear now is staying in that state. I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems like my DR is going away but now my dpd is worse than ever. It feels like nothing is really happening around me and nothing makes sense anymore. Everything looks more weird than before and its making me scared as shit. I just hope this isn't something else like schizophrenia. I don't see any hallucinations or think people are after me but i'm terrified its going to come to that. It's like my heads going through changes every couple of months. every stage i feel different. now i'm getting this weird/strange feeling, like that weird feeling in your gut like something bad is about to happen.. it feels like that but 20 worst and uncomforting. Well thats all i'm going to say for now but does anybody else feeling this way or have any advice. I only a young kid, 20 and ive been dealing with this since i was 17.. I also have a video on youtube to sum up what i'm giong through. Thanks


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## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

fastone2368 said:


> Hi everyone.. I've been going through this dpd/dr for about 2 and a half years now. it's been getting worse and worse. I now feel like i'm getting an episode as people call "dropping in the blackpit" like all reality is taken away from me for a couple minutes, until i get really emotional then it comes baack a little enough for me to get by. My biggest fear now is staying in that state. I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems like my DR is going away but now my dpd is worse than ever. It feels like nothing is really happening around me and nothing makes sense anymore. Everything looks more weird than before and its making me scared as shit. I just hope this isn't something else like schizophrenia. I don't see any hallucinations or think people are after me but i'm terrified its going to come to that. It's like my heads going through changes every couple of months. every stage i feel different. now i'm getting this weird/strange feeling, like that weird feeling in your gut like something bad is about to happen.. it feels like that but 20 worst and uncomforting. Well thats all i'm going to say for now but does anybody else feeling this way or have any advice. I only a young kid, 20 and ive been dealing with this since i was 17.. I also have a video on youtube to sum up what i'm giong through. Thanks


Damn,that's exactly how I feel and going through,also DR looks different every single day. I'm so so scared that it doesn't go away,I want my old self back I dont know what to do. And I only have this for about 2 months now,I think that I have every single disease.I want to be cured


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