# No past, no future?



## Sam1814 (Dec 24, 2014)

Prior to DP/DR, my memory was great... Since the onset, not only can I not remember things, but what I do remember, I can't connect with. Doesn't feel like it happened to me.

My therapist has me doing a family of origin worksheet, and it requires answering questions about my childhood.. But I no longer remember it... I mean, nothing... I can recall the information, like old addresses, and schools I attended.. But I have no memories of it. My therapist said looking at old pictures would trigger memories, but I tried and it didn't work. To be honest, I felt scared and kind of sick... To see myself in photos and know it's me... But they look completely unfamiliar and it seems like a different person. I have about 10 memories of my life prior to age 14 or so.. And even those are the tiniest snippets of nonsensical pointless shit.

Seems the longer this DP/DR continues, the more memories disappear... What will I lose next? Will they ALL disappear? Right now, I can't even picture my mother and fathers faces in my mind, and they only live right downstairs from me..

I have trouble believing or accepting that all of these physical things can happen just because of DP/DR? I'm inclined to believe something is wrong with me physically, but I have had tests that prove I'm fine..

I feel like I was just born today.. No past, no future... Like I just woke up in this life one day, and had to go with the flow...

I must ask.. Does this all sound extreme? Is anyone else struggling with this?

And especially to those have recovered- did you have this? And when you recovered, did it all come back?


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## sunshinita (Aug 13, 2013)

I have it too.It's pretty common with DP/DR. I also struggle to remember new things, not just to recall old ones.


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## lostsoul93 (Feb 20, 2015)

The "just born today, no past no future" absolutely!! Every day all the time I think those thoughts. Sometimes something I did 2 seconds ago doesnt even feel real. Its terrifying. But you arent the only one if that helps. Ive tried to just let those feelings amd thoughts pass. I tell myself relax you know it happened, dont over think it. Its help to an extent. I wish I could offer more help, but I can say you're not alone.


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## Sam1814 (Dec 24, 2014)

Are there ways to retrieve the memories I've lost? Any exercises or triggers to bring it back? To make me feel more "like my old self"? I honestly can't take this. Therapy doesn't seem to help. Like at all.. I can't even imagine what comes next.. Forgetting my identifying features? My way home? How bad can this get? I've only been struggling with DP/DR for a little over 4 months...


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## count_me_in (Aug 18, 2010)

this is a trademark of dp. but after years of this i started to remember random things out of the blue. some of which i enjoyed and some i didn't. and i still dont know what to think of the future but thats perhaps i dont have a job so it seems pointless to make any plans.


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## Ningen (Apr 16, 2015)

I have a blank mind. Can't remember people's faces, or anything for that matter. I don't think it can get any worse than a blank mind.


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## chazhe (Nov 12, 2012)

Yea, I experienced that as well. Its like we know these things happened, but we have no emotional memory of the events. What helped me was a concep called "Felt Sense" which is a bodily felt sense of how things feel . The method is called "Focousing". You can look it up.


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## Heather414 (Oct 2, 2016)

I thought I would try and revive this thread. This is one of my symptoms Im struggling with greatly right now. Anyone else?


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

yep, me here. totally bang on point description. so messed up.


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## Heather414 (Oct 2, 2016)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> yep, me here. totally bang on point description. so messed up.


Do you feel like you dont have a "life"? Like you've never existed before? That nothing means anything to you?


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## Sam1814 (Dec 24, 2014)

Hi- author here... I am now 2 years in to this disorder, and I'm still suffering with this symptom . :-( message me if you'd like to talk about it.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

sam, i will drop you a message.

yep, completely like that heather. somebody said it best when they said that each day they wake up and its like a new day for them. clean slate each day.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

I understand how you feel. This is the most disturbing DP symptom. The sense of loss is unbelievable.


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## Sam1814 (Dec 24, 2014)

That's exactly how I describe it.… I feel like my slate gets wiped clean every night while I sleep. I have to wake up the next morning and learn how to "human" all over again. Somehow reconnect with my room, my car, the roads, my workplace, etc.… never works. I suppose it's the muscle memory that gets all of us through each day. Pure auto pilot… But I can honestly say that waking up is the hardest part. There's always that fear there, that I'm a complete amnesiac


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## Heather414 (Oct 2, 2016)

Sam1814 said:


> That's exactly how I describe it.&#8230; I feel like my slate gets wiped clean every night while I sleep. I have to wake up the next morning and learn how to "human" all over again. Somehow reconnect with my room, my car, the roads, my workplace, etc.&#8230; never works. I suppose it's the muscle memory that gets all of us through each day. Pure auto pilot&#8230; But I can honestly say that waking up is the hardest part. There's always that fear there, that I'm a complete amnesiac


Exactly how my DP is


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Bump 
This is me right me no past no present 
Aggggg this is so wrong


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