# Major Existentialism



## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Hi gang,

I'm totally freaked out right now. I didn't take any Benzos yesterday because I was feeling a tad better and I am trying to avoid building up a tolerance or dependence to them. Woke up this morning in a total panic attack. The whole world and life feel so ridiculously strange I feel like I can bear to live within them for another minute. I've never had existentialism this strong. I feel like everything is so weird i'm not going to even be able to function in my environment. It is quite terrifying. Just took a benzo now to hopefully calm myself down.

My symptoms seem to keep changing so rapidly. I don't seem to be seeing any benefit from the SSRI yet, but i've only been on it for 5 days and i'm at a low dose so I think i've got quite a ways to go before that might start helping me.

Blah - I am growing so tired of this.


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## invisible.ink (Feb 2, 2007)

*hugs*


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## nytesprite (Dec 3, 2005)

I'm going through this right now too, Matt. My last experience with an SSRI (Wellbutrin) ended up backfiring and making my anxiety more severe, so I'm being overcautious with the Zoloft I'm on now. I'm only taking half the prescribed dose -- I was planning on taking half a pill every day for a week, then upping it to a whole pill. Yesterday, though, I started feeling "strange." (See my most recent thread.) It felt different from my usual DP/DR fog, so of course anything different is terrifying. Something just felt wrong and I couldn't figure out what. I think I'm starting to fall into a depression, and I'm not sure if it's the Wellbutrin wearing off, the Zoloft trying to balance itself in my system, or what. Then I think of all those commercials for antidepressants that say to let your doctor know if you're feeling depressed or suicidal, because antidepressants can have those side effects. I always figured depression was on the opposite end of the spectrum from anxiety, but I've still got anxiety even with the depression, so I'm not sure if I should be taking more meds, or less, or none at all. And of course with that is coming all of these existential thoughts -- the world is strange, life is strange, everything's pointless, why am I here, things are never going to change, etc. etc. etc. It happens so often with those of us suffering from DP that I can only chalk it up to another symptom. I took your advice and ordered Janine's book (Unraveling) and have started reading it -- it's giving me some comfort, because she's talking about an awful lot of the same exact things I'm feeling, and I figure if she got through it, I can too. It's hellish right now, but it's the thought that it's only temporary that's getting me through it.

I don't know what else I can say to be helpful, except that I'm feeling a lot of what you're feeling and I'm just trying to roll with it. Feel free to PM or IM me anytime.


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## Guest (Jan 12, 2009)

How long have you been taking benzos? Remember that benzo tolerance/dependence can build up fast and that benzo withdrawal's common symptoms include things like anxiety, panic attacks, depression and - wait for it - _depersonalisation. Another of life's cruel ironies._ Even reducing the dose can bring on benzo withdrawal. In your case, you stopped taking them. I'm no medical professional (despite what it says on my CV), but I suspect that's why you're feeling bad.

Go to wiki and look up 'benziodiazepine withdrawal syndrome' for more reading. I can't post links otherwise I would've.

Also - again nothwithstanding I have no medical training - I don't think 5 days is really long enough for you to've noticed any effect of SSRIs.

But I hope you start to feel better soon. I can't remember if you said if you were seeking professional help. If you're not, you may want to consider it. A two-pronged approach (i.e. medication plus counselling/psychotherapy) is surely better than just one.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Thanks a ton for the replies guys. I didn't respond, but I came back and read your replies when I was suffering yesterday and they gave me at least a little bit of relief.

Felt a bit better today - It is so bizarre to feel the difference between getting 'in' to life and letting it flow and come naturally. I feel closer to understanding my condition when I feel that transition. I think i've truly just overanalyzed my lifeto the point where I totally broke down and became unable to function. Even today where I felt better - I still was only about 50% better, and I still had a major bout of panic where I had to take a Benzo. But compared to the 3 weeks I had where it was non stop panic, terror, quick deterioration, and feeling absolutely positive I was schizophrenic i'd call this a success.

Nytesprite (Faith right?) - Sounds like we are at a very similar place right now. Everything from symptoms, to time of relapse, to treatment and stage of treatment. You have me on gmail chat and can add me to msn under the same address if you'd like. Can chat if either of us are feeling crappy.

Brain Candy - I've only been on Benzos for a week and i've been keeping it to one tablet per day so I doubt it was Benzo withdrawal. I think you are right that it could be medication related - but i'm thinking more a side effect from the early stages of an SSRI. My only other experience with SSRI's was unbearable due to panic. Maybe this was just a similar episode. I am currently on the waiting list to get back in with a psychologist with a specialty in anxiety disorders including DP/DR.


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## julio (Jun 16, 2009)

HI Did the zoloft help you.
I've been taking it for almost 3 weeks now 50mg, half a tablet so it's 25mg.
I started to feel more DP, but don't know if it's the meds or just me feeling anxious about taking the meds, I hate meds and taking meds.
Let me know how it help you if it did.

Thanks


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

hey anyone of u recovered from this symptom?


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