# Derealization is not the problem, you're fine, welcome back "home" to unresolved life problems



## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

Let me be real here, the purpose of this post is not bombard you with my 'story' and how I got here, I use to and still hate it when members here start off their post with how they got to DP and Dr in the first place. I am not here for this, I am specifically here to convey my ideas, you don't have to agree, you can disagree all you like, but I just want to keep it honest and 100% real with you people.

Derealization is not the problem, it has never been all along, welcome back to your real problems and issues you have tucked away under that "strong person" mentality, it feels good and familiar to be home doesn't it. What I mean by "coming home" is all those problems and issues and hurts and pain you ran away from all the way towards derealization.

When was the last time you have cried? Was it that time years ago you believed crying was a sign of weakness and vulnerability? Oh........

*FEARLESS BLOG*

I have not recovered as of yet, but I am on my way, what is helping me right now 100% is an important member of dpselfhelp called "fearless". This person has underlined and highlighted everyone if not most peoples reasons why they have dp/dr as of today, currently, right now. If you're a member of dpselfhelp.com, please go to 'fearless's blog pages, and read through all the blogs, ACTUALLY read it, and TRY to understand it, you will not understand 100% straight away, at first you will believe it's all mumbo jumbo, and nonsense, because right now you believe, dp is the result of some external doomy type of condition where you are not to blame, read it and read it over and over until you will have an understanding and come to the same conclusion that I have just come to.

*THE HONEST TRUTH*

DP and DR is the result of "RUNNING and hiding away from REAL LIFE PROBLEMS", when you start to look at the real life problems, I'm telling you DP and DR won't even matter anymore, it will still be there apart of you, but when you 'come home' to all your REAL LIFE' problems you have been running away from, even way before DP or DR happened to you, you will start to understand DP and DR was just a comfort place to hide away from real issues that were and still are too much to handle.

You see, think of your self worth/respect/ideas/thoughts/interests/your childhood self/ as a very big glass. Over the course of time, externally you get stressed out about real life issues, think of "stress; real life issues; hurts; lack of love and respect from family; rapid changes" as water or orange juice or whatever you want to call it, it slowly fills up, and gets heavy, naturally what you want to do is dispel and eject the water from the cup, you want to vent out your emotions, you want your problems to go away, but they are too much to handle so you just pretend they do not worry you, almost as if the problems do not exist. As time goes on, the cup fills up and gets heavier and heavier, and your emotions get stronger.

Here comes the problem, at the very top of the cup is (I'm sure you guessed it) Derealization. Just almost waiting for you, dr and dp happens when you deny your emotions, deny how YOU really feel (most definitely because you're told showing emotions and anger, conveying feelings is bad out of showing respect to the individual you are angry and frustrated at), you will eventually hit a point where you have denied your emotions and feelings so much and for so long, you have forgotten what the feelings and emotions really mean. To the normal person who doesn't have Dr or DP, to them derealization on an emotional level is just merely ALOT OF REPRESSED PAIN, it's got nothing to do all this fantasy about how you have fucked up and you're lost and all this bullshit, all that really is luxury. DP whether you like it or not is a vacation, a sweet vacation where you're on holiday away from real life problems. And because this vacation is so alienating, it captivates your attention and that's all you think about.

To me, with the help of a member of DPSELFHELP called "fearless", the ticket out of this is to be brutally honest with YOURSELF.

Own up to your feelings, almost as if you're coming home, for example what I'm trying to work on right now is to respect myself, usually what I would do I feel someone has hurt me or ridiculed me is pretend that I am a "strong" person who can handle the ridicule, and I would keep quiet about it, hoping the person would see that I am not affected in anyway, but deep down it's torture, all I really want to do is unleash so much anger (not physically hurting the person), but letting the person know, in full force and putting them in their place. You don't have to be "strong" anymore, you feel some type of way about somebody? Let them know, put them in their place, vent out your anger, vent out your frustration, no matter how hard it seems, it may seem hard at first, because this whole time, keeping quiet was the norm, keeping quiet was the natural response, but all you really want to do is vent and vent all along don't you? If keeping quiet and running away from problems is your ticket to shut down your emotions and become depersonalized, what i'm saying is...................what is stopping you from doing the opposite?

*HOW TO FEEL EMOTIONS?.........*

To everyone who is wondering about why they feel so lost and they cannot feel happiness, and they can't feel the full fledge of emotions, you have practically put yourself in this position, you have hidden away and ran away from real life problems for so long, your brain has interpreted that you don't want to feel emotions and feelings full stop, so it's shut down that part. Done and dusted, not for long of course. Imagine if you was to be allowed to feel happiness throughout the course of derealization, imagine that, you was happy, and you felt joy and you still remembered all those good memories throughout derealization BUT you still kept up the act of not acknowledging all the negative emotions and the acts of stuffing down the anger and frustration so you appear to not be affected (which really is lying to yourself). ISN'T THAT BASICALLY YOUR LIFE BEFORE DEREALIZATION? Honestly, what would have changed if you was your old happy self while still suppressing your true self, mind you, that old happy self is built on fake security, TRUE HAPPINESS IS WHEN YOU RESPECT YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE HAS TO SAY. What you have been wishing for all along is BASICALLY derealization. Let me re-phrase that, what you really unknowingly wish for is to do damage to your body, mind and soul and not own up responsibility for it, and then feel sad and depressed when nothing goes right for and in the right direction.

*STEPS TO TAKE TOWARDS RECOVERY...*

It is really simple, yet very hard, just work on being true to yourself, respect yourself, everything else from insecurities and fears, accept that they are apart of your life "right now", with time all those extra anxieties will subside, you don't even need to respect them and make anxieties feel important, just accept you have anxieties, you don't have to tell the world, just acknowledging them is enough, and I'll tell you why they will subside, it goes like this:

1) Address your honest wants and needs, forget about consequences that hold you back.

2) When you understand why you have all these negative emotions and feelings, and look at the real life issues behind the negative feelings and emotions, you have a logical understanding as to where they come from.

3) It is so liberating to know the tension and negative emotions have a story to them, and not from some "unknown" reasons as DP makes you believe for so long.

4) Make being real and honest to yourself and to others around you a life-style, the "metaphorical cup" as I have stated earlier will feel lighter and lighter as the metaphorical "water" which is built up, hidden emotions just waiting to come out, starts being poured out.

5) As this process goes on, you start to feel satisfactions, victorious, you are true to yourself now, you don't have to live up to anybodies expectations, you stop sucking up to people, you stop people pleasing, you stop feeling guilty for being angry, you start feeling liberated, you feel that load that has been sitting on your chest lift off of you, you stop being scared, you are you for a reason, you are basically meeting your needs, needs that no one will give you in a sense that all along, you have been hiding away those needs. To everyone you look like the average person, the last perception of you from anyone is that you have this "condition" called derealizaiton.

6) Derealization and depersonalization deserves no respect because while you're in DR and DP, it feels so scary, but all it needs is a little understanding, as I have stated, DP and DR is a vacation away from real life problems and issues that you were to scared or too overwhelmed to deal with, I'm telling you, your REAL LIFE ISSUES are wayyyyyyyyyy more important the DP and DR, that's what I mean by DP and DR does not deserve even the tiniest respect, when you compare it to the real life problems you are hiding from. Real life problems, to give an example, when you look at my real life problems, is: not being able to express anger to certain family members as it is not "acceptable", I was brought up to be "scared" of my elders, not to "respect" them, but to fear them, I never actually respected them, in their eyes I respected them, but I was just actually scared of them, now I am an 18 year old who's slowly become an adult, there are certain boundaries which they STILL step over, things like treating me like a child and not giving me any respect, or not acknowledging that I am a grown man now, ridiculing me in front of company to make themselves fulfilled and important, basically showing off. My attitude now is "you are not going to give me any respect?, okay cool I will take my respect, I will show you how I feel, I will put you in your place if you are wrong, I will be angry, I don't give a shit if it's not acceptable because you're my elder, I will not tolerate your behavior any longer". <<< These are the things you need to do, not doing this is what's holding you back, this is what you wanted for yourself for so long, stop denying them to please others, put yourself first.

7) I am not at this stage yet, but I believe you stop fearing life in general at this point, you feel confident, you feel self-respect, you stop buying into the notion of fears, because you have broken the obstacles which were holding you back for so long, that anger that you felt your whole life has come out, now you don't have anything to "hold back", your brain is not overwhelmed so much now like it use to be, your brain feels safety now, it feels security in everything life has to offer, you feel you can start taking risks and take on challenges of life. And I believe this is the point where derealization goes away, because you really don't have any pain to run away from, you're not fleeing anywhere, you're facing the real life issues at gun point, everything happens for a reason, and all you really have to do is look for the reasons.

*CONCLUSION.........*

All I'm saying is stop denying, stop analyzing and start taking action in which correlates with your beliefs. Knowing what to do is great, but not taking action is equivalent to being completely oblivious and not knowing, it's better to not know than to know and not take action. Cut off fake friends, learn to start admitting certain situations hurt you, you are at a bad point in your life? ACCEPT IT, it will not manifest in some way and explode and turn into a bigger thing if you accept it, if you deny that life is shit right now, you will always feel alienated, its hard to do at first but it gets easier with time. I hope we can all get to where we want to get to in life and feel liberated, I hope we can all see the day where we can do those "recovered" posts but until then, keep staying true to yourself. It's the master key.


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## chazhe (Nov 12, 2012)

Very good and informative


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## characters (Aug 31, 2013)

I'm looking for the fearless blog. What is the address ?


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## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

@Fearless of course, go ahead

@characters go on his profile, then click blogs


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## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

selig said:


> His blog address is literally under his post.


Hahaha thats exactly what I was thinking


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

Seems like you are INCHES away from complete recovery, I mean it looks like you got everything: knowledge, attitude, courage, etc etc. Now it is just a matter of putting it all together, it doesn't require you waiting, because the emotional work is done, now just use your strong spirit you gathered to achieve what you always wanted (or even try to) and dp will be history for you.


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## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

heartless said:


> Seems like you are INCHES away from complete recovery, I mean it looks like you got everything: knowledge, attitude, courage, etc etc. Now it is just a matter of putting it all together, it doesn't require you waiting, because the emotional work is done, now just use your strong spirit you gathered to achieve what you always wanted (or even try to) and dp will be history for you.


Thanks man, I'll keep pushing forward, let me know if you've recovered too.


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## seafoamwinterz (Aug 12, 2013)

I agree 100%. Fearless shed some light on this issue. Alot of people with DP make it their scapegoat. "My life would be perfect without DP, but now I'm hopeless".

It was never perfect before DP, you just never had to face it the way you do now. I think DP is an alarm like "You did your best denying your feelings to deal with your family, but YOU ARE A HOT-ASS MESS NOW BECAUSE OF IT".


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## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

seafoamwinterz said:


> I agree 100%. Fearless shed some light on this issue. Alot of people with DP make it their scapegoat. "My life would be perfect without DP, but now I'm hopeless".
> 
> It was never perfect before DP, you just never had to face it the way you do now. I think DP is an alarm like "You did your best denying your feelings to deal with your family, but YOU ARE A HOT-ASS MESS NOW BECAUSE OF IT".


I agree with this and it is basically what I am trying to say. People, who I was once, just want the easy way out, and grasp on to the false belief that their life was amazing before DP, yeah of course we had good times before DP but we also must refer back to the bad times, we somewhere along the line forget to ackowledge any problems whether it's very small, or very big, the simple act of just acknowledging the bad times will make you feel so much more human, as appose to the belief, "DP is here to stay and you have lost the ability to feel all the good emotions". Essentially everyone here suffering from DP and DR, really just want that good feeling that everything is safe, all that issue to do with things looking fake is just obsession. Think about it, name me one person who doesn't have DP and DR think chronically 24/7 about whether things look and feel real or not? It's a big ask, what we essentially are searching is just to FEEL, whether it's good, whether its bad, whether it's neutral in between, and that is why I state, Deralization should not be paid any respect because there is a bigger issue, a more familiar issue we need to face, and it's been there under the very act of hiding away and running away from real life issues that bother you. Since I have started acting on looking at my big life issues, I can tell you the obsession with DP and DR has almost gone away, I would usually spend my whole day thinking about what it would be life without DP, do things look real, when will these thoughts stop coming, why is my mind racing? Now I rarely have any feelings or thoughts like that, it is there in the back of mind, but it's intensity has seriously diminished, because I am focused on real life problems that I was too afraid to face. People are desperately trying to look for that "finish line", but the very act of looking for the finish line is the very thing that keeps you in this.

Think of it like this, "DP i gave you enough of my time, but fighting you is a loss cause now, therefore I will forget to cure you, I won't stop actively because trying to stop is a loss cause itself, I would rather forget because now I have to be a man and face my real life issues that I have been running away from all this time. Even though it will be extremely hard, I would rather face and deal with familiar life problems where I know and understand where they come from, than rather run around in circles trying to perfect my thinking and actively look for my emotions and feelings and deal with your confusing bullshit.


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## seafoamwinterz (Aug 12, 2013)

Have you read "This forum is BULLSHIT"? Yet OP? Cuz their definition sounds a lot better.... Basically, the guy said that the reason he hated DP so much is because it was such a drastic change to the happiness he was already feeling, and I agree. Wouldn't before DP have to be good for you to know that DP sucks? Not only that but he said DP is just anxiety and is fueled only because you're afraid of it. No one has the best parents, I think I've spunt 8 years being afraid of DP.


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## seafoamwinterz (Aug 12, 2013)

I mean before DP I didn't even have social anxiety!!!!! I was a happy-go-lucky kid, that was the center of attention!! DP changed me >_<


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## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

seafoamwinterz said:


> Have you read "This forum is BULLSHIT"? Yet OP? Cuz their definition sounds a lot better.... Basically, the guy said that the reason he hated DP so much is because it was such a drastic change to the happiness he was already feeling, and I agree. Wouldn't before DP have to be good for you to know that DP sucks? Not only that but he said DP is just anxiety and is fueled only because you're afraid of it. No one has the best parents, I think I've spunt 8 years being afraid of DP.


What you said here "Wouldn't before DP have to be good for you to know that DP sucks?" is not necessarily 100% true, what you're referring to is the good times before DP. You see here, you're still in the belief that life was perfect before DP.

About the "social anxiety" part.....

I am sure everyone that has DP has some sort of social anxiety, what DP does is switch on the "analytical" part of you, you strive to be perfect in social settings, and when something bad happens to threaten that, you start to act in certain ways that please people and make a good impression, This is how it went for me: before DP I was that "happy-go-lucky" kid too, who didn't worry about how I would act in the company of others, be it a very important person, or someone I really didn't care about, but as life went on things started happening that threatened how I acted deep down, and I had to make an impression, I had to be fake around people, i had to please people, I started doing certain things that was not congruent with myself, i wasn't being real. I compared how confident people were to how confident I was in social settings, and building up that over the years all the while stuffing it down and not admitting the problem, no wonder we develop social anxiety with the help of DP over intensifying and increasing the analytical part of us.


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## seafoamwinterz (Aug 12, 2013)

"What you said here "Wouldn't before anxiety have to be good for you to know that anxiety sucks?" is not necessarily 100% true, what you're referring to is the good times before *anxiety*. You see here, you're still in the belief that life was perfect before *anxiety*.

About the "social anxiety" part.....

I am sure everyone that has *anxiety* has some sort of social anxiety, what *anxiety* does is switch on the "analytical" part of you, you strive to be perfect in social settings, and when something bad happens to threaten that, you start to act in certain ways that please people and make a good impression, This is how it went for me: before *anxiety* I was that "happy-go-lucky" kid too, who didn't worry about how I would act in the company of others, be it a very important person, or someone I really didn't care about, but as life went on things started happening that threatened how I acted deep down, and I had to make an impression, I had to be fake around people, i had to please people, I started doing certain things that was not congruent with myself, i wasn't being real. I compared how confident people were to how confident I was in social settings, and building up that over the years all the while stuffing it down and not admitting the problem, no wonder we develop social anxiety with the help of *anxiey* over intensifying and increasing the analytical part of us. "

ONCE AGAIN, IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE


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## Guest (Aug 31, 2013)

My DP started after a rather intense bout of anxiety, so yes; the anxiety caused it, but anxiety dose not simply appear out of no where. Anxiety is a reaction to stress, and stress can come from a variety of sources; in DP the stress is very often subtle, chronic and builds over the years; this is the kind of stress that develops into anxiety issues.

??? ---> chronic stress ---> Anxiety ---> DP

A lot of people recover from DP by eliminating their anxiety, but since they never fix what's causing them stress they stay at heightened stress level until something in life comes along and pushes them over the edge into anxiety, or even straight back into DP.

A lot of people say they don't feel stressed, but stress isn't really something people feel like an emotion; what they are often describing is tension or mild anxiety. Stress is a measure of the negative energy building up in the body, and often times the source is very difficult to spot. Most people have healthy ways of alleviating stress, but those who do not end up with anxiety issues that could lead into DP.


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## seafoamwinterz (Aug 12, 2013)

Antimony said:


> My DP started after a rather intense bout of anxiety, so yes; the anxiety caused it, but anxiety dose not simply appear out of no where. Anxiety is a reaction to stress, and stress can come from a variety of sources; in DP the stress is very often subtle, chronic and builds over the years; this is the kind of stress that develops into anxiety issues.
> 
> ??? ---> chronic stress ---> Anxiety ---> DP
> 
> ...


I never implied anxiety comes out of nowhere. And tons of people are constantly saying they are stressed.

"Most people have healthy ways of alleviating stress, but those who do not end up with anxiety issues that could lead into DP."

You basically said that people with DP don't know healthy ways of alleviating stress. Which is pretty obvious.


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