# control issues - TRIGGER warning



## stuckinside (May 13, 2013)

Hello guys,

Two years ago, I used to have strong DP in a really bad form, It got to the point when I had to interrupt my studies and leave my family for a while.

Anyway, I managed to recover by myself, using some meditation techniques, getting out of comfort zone, jogging, change of environment etc. It was pure hell and I felt like dying every morning in the beginning, however it got much much better and stayed that way for months.

Now the reason I am back here is that recently I have been having this strange feeling that I am not able to control what I am doing or feeling. But not in a psychotic way, but in a way that there is a complex chemical process going on in my brain and body and I really have no control about my own acts, urges, dreams etc. I am just a participant in the play that is being directed by my brain without my own decision.

This is something that is rational and true, but I am just wondering why everyone else is ok with that and not getting into panic and weird state of mind. I mean its literally like this, for example:

**thinking about how I should go back to jogging**

hmmm..but it is not really up to me. It will be decided by my brain and all the chemical processes if I go back to jogging or not. So why am I even motivating myself. Its not me motivating myself, its the brain and chemical processes motivating myself....

**panicking that I have no control over my life and I cannot really do anything only from my own willingness/desire. I will be just forced by my body/brain to do that without my content.**

**not going back to jogging  **

So guys I would appreciate if you could at least relate and give me ideas how to deal with this. Or at least if you have been through such a weird pattern of thinking at all.


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## Sa-lB (Jul 16, 2013)

I can relate a tiny bit although I don't think I agree with the ''I am just a participant in a play, that is being directed by my brain without my own decision'', I don't think that's rational or true. That's like saying everything you do is not down to you. Like today I didn't get out of bed until 1:45pm and I haven't got dressed and have been watching back to back episodes of The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. That was my decision (a poor decision) but it's mine, I chose the lazy life!

YOU ARE your brain, it's not some separate entity controlling you (not that I know of).

You may not be able to control what thoughts come into your head but you have a choice in the outcome and over your actions/urges/dreams (unless someone has psychosis or something) but ultimately YOU decide whether you want to go jogging or not.

You can choose to ignore the negative thoughts or you can choose to let them win, it's all down to you at the end of the day.

If you don't want to go jogging then don't, if you do then good luck to you because I fucking hate jogging .


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## micah.gingerich (Dec 27, 2014)

I have had this same issue ever since i read the power if now... feel like I lost all control because thoughts like "you are just the observer or you aren't the one in control" constantly came into my head I think it's bigger than all that though it's probably more to do with anxiety and panic inside us... all we can really do is focus on our life and improving it and hopefully these thoughts leave and sense of self return


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## Meticulous (Jul 30, 2013)

I used to ponder on this day in and day out, but for some odd reason it has never made me all that anxious. It did slightly when the thought was fresh. In my opinion this is where spirituality comes into play, what makes you, you? This is nothing more than my personal take on this, but I believe our head is like a spaceship; the brain is nothing more than the command center, but the real "you" is the commander, which does not exist in the physical world. Maybe viewing it this way may help?


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