# Fear of Multiple Personality Disorder



## 2deepathinker

Does anyone have the fear of developing Multiple Personality Disorder, or what is now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder? Maybe someone here has it.

I am 34. I know depersonalization is one of the symptoms. I am in counseling now, and I am about to do some deep work, and the deep work has started. When I was in the office, I had a panic attack and felt like I totally wasn't there. I am really scared that some of the emotion I am feeling is too deep, and my psyche will protect itself and form another identity.

Sometimes with the DP, I feel like I don't recognize my voice, my home, and so forth. I recognize these things on an intellectual level, but the feeling of knowing them and owning them is gone. I have been told if I don't get help, the dissociation will get worse. That completely freaks me out. Can I develop that disorder, or is this something that develops earlier? Anyhow, anyone have any experience?


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## isthisreallife

I can relate to you in the opening up about some deep issues in therapy being a problem with DP/DR. I never am able to go very far into discussing my main issue before intense DP/DR sets in and I feel out of body. Ofcourse along with that I feel numb, and horrified, so it never helps because I can never tell the therapist how I feel about something when she asks me because I am so depersonalized.

I had a fear of "what if I have DID" but I also don't have any gaps in memory etc., I don't think you will develop it at this point, its usually something that starts in early childhood from what I know about the condition, but I could be wrong. Why don't you talk to your therapist about your concerns? I found that when I told the psychiatrist my label of how I felt (DP/DR) when I finally found out what it was, I was relieved because then she could understand why I wasn't able to talk about things or why I acted weird.

My psychiatrist said that its very normal in PTSD to have depersonalization, I don't know what it is you have, but I think that if you already have DP, and your opening up dark issues its also normal for the DP/DR to spike.

hope you get along ok


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## pancake

It has worried me on occasion in the past but not anymore. Memory loss is key: If you find things in your house that don't seem to belong to you (new cloths your size etc.), find yourself in strange places without any memory of how you got there or there are chunks of your life you don't recall, then you might wanna get the SCID-D (screening for dissociative disorders) done to be sure.

I don't experience any memory loss so I know I haven't got the disorder. I feel quite differently about the concept of normal multiplicity.

A lot of things about me start make sense in the context of the plural mind. Assuming I am a singlet there is no reason to always be so at odds with myself and ever fluctuating motifs, goals and beliefs. There is no explanation for those moments and hours I feel like I am being ripped apart, like two seperate parts of me (or more) are fighting for the driver's seat. Assuming my mind holds multiple personalities/ego-states/subselves/subpersonalities which form "me" together this is not so hard to understand. More reading required..


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## Daphne

Hello,
i also had this fear, beside the fear of getting schizophren or psychotic. I also had fears of getting a bipolar disorder (was getting a little nervous, I felt even some delight by hearing music - so I thought: What if I become manic?). When I had the DP very bad and didn't know who I was, I also thougt I might have DID. 
I know the ICD-10 of pat, I think. But my main problem (as I feared before I got the DP all the time I could be HIV positive or I could habe an undetected Hepatitis C-infection or cancer) was just: I was hypochondric!
And at least this is a problem that can be treated.
As it was written: If you don't have memory loss (and I mean memory loss of several hours), you don't have DID!
Take care, Daphne


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## Sooles

it terrifies me actually.
i have had blank spots all my life and only recently have been diagnosed with dissociative amnesia. which means basically another 'personality' is taking over for small bits of time (a few hours usually) leaving blank spots in my memory where i have no idea of what i did, who i saw/talked to, where i was in that time. basically i am dissociating but not to the extreme point (often enough i guess?) to be diagnosed with MPD/DID.

it scares the crap out of me because i dont want to be diagnosed with DID/MPD - i am afraid if my therapists dig deeper they will diagnose me with this and push me more to uncover the reasons why i am dissociating. i dont want to know because this normally stems from trauma or abuse and i love my family and dont want to discover anything horrible that might have happened with them.

so..... because im sort of 'part way there'... i dont know if it was helpful at all for me to answer your question...


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## 2deepathinker

Sooles said:


> it terrifies me actually.
> i have had blank spots all my life and only recently have been diagnosed with dissociative amnesia. which means basically another 'personality' is taking over for small bits of time (a few hours usually) leaving blank spots in my memory where i have no idea of what i did, who i saw/talked to, where i was in that time. basically i am dissociating but not to the extreme point (often enough i guess?) to be diagnosed with MPD/DID.
> 
> it scares the crap out of me because i dont want to be diagnosed with DID/MPD - i am afraid if my therapists dig deeper they will diagnose me with this and push me more to uncover the reasons why i am dissociating. i dont want to know because this normally stems from trauma or abuse and i love my family and dont want to discover anything horrible that might have happened with them.
> 
> so..... because im sort of 'part way there'... i dont know if it was helpful at all for me to answer your question...


I totally can relate in many ways. I haven't been diagnosed with amnesia, but I had an emotionally abusive childhood with complete emotional abandonment. I love my family, but am slowly learning through therapy that I can have that love, but still allow myself to feel the pain. I am not anywhere near where I want to be, I have a lot of work to do...but I bet when I do...my tendency to dissociate will get better.


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## Daphne

2deepathinker said:


> I totally can relate in many ways. I haven't been diagnosed with amnesia, but I had an emotionally abusive childhood with complete emotional abandonment. I love my family, but am slowly learning through therapy that I can have that love, but still allow myself to feel the pain. I am not anywhere near where I want to be, I have a lot of work to do...but I bet when I do...my tendency to dissociate will get better.


I don't know if I understood this correctly. After reading Alice Miller, I'm convinced I can never heal completely if I say "I love my parents", who treated me in a terrible way. There is this stupid moral, saying "You got to love your parents". but if I lie to myself and say, I love these horrible people, who treated me like waste, I'll make myself ill! But also I'm convinced I can loose my DP by overcoming my Traumas.


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## Dovefield

please, if you can give me email of that woman that you mentioned, with the gaps between life. if would really help, she has same thing as a special friend of mine, and i would really like to talk.. please, i've been trying to find help for a long time


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## hidingme

i dont think i have DID but i do think i have sort of dissoative something..just no idea what.

i sorta wonder if my regression to being Sarah- my little 6 yr old self- is due to DP. my dr know i have Generalized anxiety disorder, but havent had the tie to go intotellin g her about feeling little and the strong gut feelings i have of having ptsd.

reg drs never give enough time for that it seems.

ie never heard of anyone dissociating into others or other ages from emotional buse from young adulthood but that is the only reason i can think is that cuase.
im so confused and scared. i know we really need to see a psych dr..at least for appropriate dx;s if nothing else. at least diagnosis would help me/us understand and have more a peice of mind to feel less crazy. and also allow us to find appropriate support aonline,

sorry if im not making sese..its been a very very hard day today for us and we are almost falling alseep fro out xanax.


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## 2deepathinker

hidingme said:


> i dont think i have DID but i do think i have sort of dissoative something..just no idea what.
> 
> i sorta wonder if my regression to being Sarah- my little 6 yr old self- is due to DP. my dr know i have Generalized anxiety disorder, but havent had the tie to go intotellin g her about feeling little and the strong gut feelings i have of having ptsd.
> 
> reg drs never give enough time for that it seems.
> 
> ie never heard of anyone dissociating into others or other ages from emotional buse from young adulthood but that is the only reason i can think is that cuase.
> im so confused and scared. i know we really need to see a psych dr..at least for appropriate dx;s if nothing else. at least diagnosis would help me/us understand and have more a peice of mind to feel less crazy. and also allow us to find appropriate support aonline,
> 
> sorry if im not making sese..its been a very very hard day today for us and we are almost falling alseep fro out xanax.


Hello! You are making sense to me. I can imagine how frightened you must be. I think it is important (but maybe cheesy) that we give ourselves a lot of love particularly when we dissociate. When my depersonalization, gets really bad, I feel like I could develop DID. I look at myself and really wonder who I am, and who the people are in my life. I know them, but I am like who are they, and I feel a lot of anxiety. It is hard to explain.

I am seeing an MFT, but wonder if I should actually see someone with even more training. I understand how you feel, I think, because I have similar feelings sometimes. All the best to you!


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## hidingme

2deepathinker said:


> Hello! You are making sense to me. I can imagine how frightened you must be. I think it is important (but maybe cheesy) that we give ourselves a lot of love particularly when we dissociate. When my depersonalization, gets really bad, I feel like I could develop DID. I look at myself and really wonder who I am, and who the people are in my life. I know them, but I am like who are they, and I feel a lot of anxiety. It is hard to explain.
> 
> I am seeing an MFT, but wonder if I should actually see someone with even more training. I understand how you feel, I think, because I have similar feelings sometimes. All the best to you!


tank you for repli to us.. it's littl me. my name bes sarah. i usd onli com wen Hiding (the big me) was real strssd or anxity bad but now i come alot wnevr i wan to somtims.. we tri to lern how werk togethr tho.

i not kno. i had hedake alot toda and i stil seepy. but big me has go werk soon so no can sleep. =(

hiding been serchin all ovr putr and asking her frends (who hav DID) and even cal crisis fone # and otrs #s an she getted no reel ansers yet.
we hop get answrs soon we need kno and we need undrstand we scard and everibodi it seems (cept for few) tinks we makin me up and we bes lyin. but Hiding wuld nevr do tat cuz tat meen.an i been wif hiding sinc febari at leest- and tat bes long tim if we waz fakin rite? but we not sur wat to beleeve rite now. we jus need help an need som answrs so we not so confusd no mor.

tank you for repli gain.
Sarah


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## hidingme

think I/we figured out a possible answer for what is wrong with us.. so far it makes the most sense.. its called complex ptsd


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## Guest

2deepathinker said:


> Does anyone have the fear of developing Multiple Personality Disorder, or what is now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder? Maybe someone here has it.
> 
> I am 34. I know depersonalization is one of the symptoms. I am in counseling now, and I am about to do some deep work, and the deep work has started. When I was in the office, I had a panic attack and felt like I totally wasn't there. I am really scared that some of the emotion I am feeling is too deep, and my psyche will protect itself and form another identity.
> 
> Sometimes with the DP, I feel like I don't recognize my voice, my home, and so forth. I recognize these things on an intellectual level, but the feeling of knowing them and owning them is gone. I have been told if I don't get help, the dissociation will get worse. That completely freaks me out. Can I develop that disorder, or is this something that develops earlier? Anyhow, anyone have any experience?


Dude, yes!


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## nix

2deepathinker said:


> Does anyone have the fear of developing Multiple Personality Disorder, or what is now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder? Maybe someone here has it.
> 
> I am 34. I know depersonalization is one of the symptoms. I am in counseling now, and I am about to do some deep work, and the deep work has started. When I was in the office, I had a panic attack and felt like I totally wasn't there. I am really scared that some of the emotion I am feeling is too deep, and my psyche will protect itself and form another identity.
> 
> Sometimes with the DP, I feel like I don't recognize my voice, my home, and so forth. I recognize these things on an intellectual level, but the feeling of knowing them and owning them is gone. I have been told if I don't get help, the dissociation will get worse. That completely freaks me out. Can I develop that disorder, or is this something that develops earlier? Anyhow, anyone have any experience?


You can't develop anything from DP/DR. You can only develop many fears which you already have, so that's it. 
Also, you can develop DP/DR from DP/DR. It's still non-progressive.
No matter how awful DP/DR is, it is not dangerous and it will never turn into anything worse than itself.


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## nix

> I have been told if I don't get help, the dissociation will get worse.


That is a LIE. Many ignorants are destroying your psychic condition with lies. Those lies are destroying your already damaged nervous system, so it is normal that you are freaking out. 
It can't get worse. It can stay same over longer period and it can go away after some time and after you get used to it. 
Everything else is bullshit.


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## 2deepathinker

nix said:


> That is a LIE. Many ignorants are destroying your psychic condition with lies. Those lies are destroying your already damaged nervous system, so it is normal that you are freaking out.
> It can't get worse. It can stay same over longer period and it can go away after some time and after you get used to it.
> Everything else is bullshit.


I hope you are right! If you are right, then I can relax. Thanks.


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## nix

2deepathinker said:


> I hope you are right! If you are right, then I can relax. Thanks.


Most of the time, doctors and psychiatrists don't know how to treat DP/DR. They can only treat the cause and most of the time they don't know cause. If it's something like epilepsy or lyme disease they can treat it, but if it's something like anxiety, depression or "stand-alone" condition, they don't know anything most of the time how to treat it. 
So far, from what I read here, the cure is in us. We must learn how to live normal and eventualy DP/DR will fade away. 
You can relax. Being scared really isn't helpful in this condition. And don't listen to people that don't know anything about DP/DR.
Unfortunately, there are many who will make it to scare already frightened DP/DR people and that is even more damage to already fragile mind.


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## pancake

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## pancake

2deepathinker said:


> I feel like I could develop DID. I look at myself and really wonder who I am, and who the people are in my life. I know them, but I am like who are they, and I feel a lot of anxiety. It is hard to explain.
> 
> I am seeing an MFT, but wonder if I should actually see someone with even more training. I understand how you feel, I think, because I have similar feelings sometimes. All the best to you!


DID/MPD develops in childhood. It is caused by severe trauma. Later onset is dead unlikely as far as I am aware but I guess if you went through something deeply traumatic it could theoretically happen.

DID is essentially an adaptation of the bodies dissociative process to deal with severe trauma and carry on going regardless. Because the different parts of you operate independently/don't share (all) memories you're able to lead a regular life as one person while another holds all the awful memories. It enables kids to carry on in the face of terrible conditions and only becomes a problem once their life normalizes and the complex set up of their minds becomes trouble in itself.

Read up on it if you're worried, I think how it works is relevant for ppl with DPD as well. It is all dissociation, we just got away easy (after all they have to deal with DP/DR as well).

DID/MPD is not a psychotic disorder by the way.


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## 2deepathinker

2deepathinker said:


> Does anyone have the fear of developing Multiple Personality Disorder, or what is now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder? Maybe someone here has it.
> 
> I am 34. I know depersonalization is one of the symptoms. I am in counseling now, and I am about to do some deep work, and the deep work has started. When I was in the office, I had a panic attack and felt like I totally wasn't there. I am really scared that some of the emotion I am feeling is too deep, and my psyche will protect itself and form another identity.
> 
> Sometimes with the DP, I feel like I don't recognize my voice, my home, and so forth. I recognize these things on an intellectual level, but the feeling of knowing them and owning them is gone. I have been told if I don't get help, the dissociation will get worse. That completely freaks me out. Can I develop that disorder, or is this something that develops earlier? Anyhow, anyone have any experience?


I think the worst is over and I won't form another personality if I haven't already. It is scary to talk about stuff in counseling, but the worst I have experienced is having a derealization episode in therapy. I have lived through it. Thanks guys for all of your responses.


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## babybowrain

I used to be scared of this too and I even researched it and read posts on another site by people with that disorder..now that you mention it I feel a little anxious


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## dreamsofsomeday

I have this fear, too, but I know deep down that I don't have it. Though I still question it...


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## Tary19

The fear of multiple personality disorder isn't something to worry about. It doesn't mean that you have it 100%, in order to calm down will be better to pass a lot of time with your doctor, just a deep testing over your overall health activity is going to show you the results. If you feel that you have something similar you have to tell this to your doc,beside of this remember that sometimes the fear generate the placebo effect. Just try to concentrate on something else. The panic attack that you may feel can also be relate to other disorders, so the only thing to feel the answer is to search for it! I remember the way i felt actually with this placebo effect and with the fact that actually when you feel scared you start to have a lot of other bad disorders. Besides this i would like to say that this happened to me and because of this i have to use a lot of drugs, and needed some https://rxcoupons.org/ to use the drugs that i actually didn't need to! Good luck, really hope that you're okay!


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## davinizi

nix said:


> That is a LIE. Many ignorants are destroying your psychic condition with lies. Those lies are destroying your already damaged nervous system, so it is normal that you are freaking out.
> It can't get worse. It can stay same over longer period and it can go away after some time and after you get used to it.
> Everything else is bullshit.


I was about to comment on that quote too. It sounds like the therapist wants to threaten the OP and uses it as a means to make them "open up"and follow therapy. There is this belief in those circles that you *have* to talk about all your issues, so that the therapist can help you and it's supposed to relieve you, but that is really a generalized approach that doesn't work for everyone. I think especially for many DP'd people this would not be a good idea as DP is already a manifestation of some form of extreme withdrawal, so anything that scares us tends to DP us more and am not convinced that exposure is always such a good idea. Perhaps having respect for your private feelings wanting to remain private may be more helpful instead of laying it all on the table for a stranger. These days, we have forums like these to talk about your stuff anonymously with people who suffer the same thing and therefore can understand you better than some therapist who only "knows" things from reading books.


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