# What the hell is going on?



## erufneriufneri (Jun 7, 2011)

Every morning I used to wake up and I would feel REFRESHED and it was a NEW DAY.

Now when I go to bed, and wake up, it's like I never went to sleep. It's as though I just laid there for 8 hours
with my eyes closed, opened them, and the scenery I remembered from the previous night changed. It doesn't feel like I actually fell asleep.
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I used to have that feeling of it being a NEW MORNING as well. I also had a sense of TIME structure (8am, 9am etc)

I now have no concept of time, it feels non-existent. Mornings, afternoons, evenings and nights are also non-existent. 
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I used to have emotions, happiness and excitement in the mornings, a feeling of mystery and excitement at night. Everything had a wonderful familiarity to it.

I feel no emotions at ALL. My mind is just a big blank. No happiness, no sadness, no excitement, no ANYTHING.
Also, the way I used to feel about everything (familiarity), I no longer feel at all. I guess it has to do with the emotions.

I feel this constant existence in my head. I can't even explain it. It's just a feeling of ALWAYS THERE that won't go away.

So these are my primary symptoms
No sense of time.
No sense of morning, afternoon, evening, night.
No emotions.
No familiarity.
Confusion ( who am i, where am i, what time is this etc )
I feel brain dead.
Everything seems silent/quiet all the time. ( lack of spontaneity )
Memory loss ( Everyday feels like a Blur )
Past events feel like dreams, ( as if i wasn't really there )
Obsessive thoughts ( how life is weird and we're like bodies who live in square boxes etc)
Loss of appetite ( Maybe depression? )
Can't throw up ( I tried just to see what would happen. My jaw and neck muscles constricted and felt tight and NOTHING came up. It's like I have the inability to throw up. )
Irritated ( I get irritated when sitting for more than five minutes. ( Maybe ADHD? )
No urge to move/talk ( It's like all my muscles are very relaxed and i have no urge to move/talk ), very low breathing all the time also...
I also have a deep fear of fluorescent/orangy lights because of derealization....

So yeah.. anyone else have some of my symptoms or maybe all???

This is what I think I could have
Depersonalization
Derealization
Depression
ADHD
Anxiety/Panic
Pap Syndrome
Lymes (I had a tick on my head back in May a few weeks before this all started but I don't know if it bit me)


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## anarkii (Jul 2, 2011)

AaronPH said:


> Lymes (I had a tick on my head back in May a few weeks before this all started but I don't know if it bit me)


You should know. Did you just brush it off (it didnt bite yet)? or did you have to do some special manoeuvring to take it off your skin? if the last it has probably bitten you. Ticks take some time to transmit lymes disease. It needs to stay on you for at least about 24hours before being able to transmit disease. Try and remember WHEN you took it off and when you might have picked up the tick. If these are within 24hours of eachother then don't worry much about lymes.


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## erufneriufneri (Jun 7, 2011)

anarkii said:


> You should know. Did you just brush it off (it didnt bite yet)? or did you have to do some special manoeuvring to take it off your skin? if the last it has probably bitten you. Ticks take some time to transmit lymes disease. It needs to stay on you for at least about 24hours before being able to transmit disease. Try and remember WHEN you took it off and when you might have picked up the tick. If these are within 24hours of eachother then don't worry much about lymes.


It was in my hair and I pulled it out of my hair but i don't think it was on my skin or bit me.. At least not that I can remember. It was like tangled in my hair.


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## erufneriufneri (Jun 7, 2011)

Also my hair was long and thick at the time so i have no clue how long it was there.
But I did tell a doctor I may have had lymes and they did give me doxycycline chlamydia.
Which i took for a week and had SEVERE headaches and mood swings and wanted to jump off a cliff. I felt insane.
Never took it again and it NEVER made me feel any better.


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## birdiehead (Apr 19, 2010)

AaronPH said:


> Every morning I used to wake up and I would feel REFRESHED and it was a NEW DAY.
> 
> Now when I go to bed, and wake up, it's like I never went to sleep. It's as though I just laid there for 8 hours
> with my eyes closed, opened them, and the scenery I remembered from the previous night changed. It doesn't feel like I actually fell asleep.
> ...


So these are my primary symptoms
No sense of time.
No sense of morning, afternoon, evening, night.
No emotions.
No familiarity.
Confusion ( who am i, where am i, what time is this etc )
I feel brain dead.
Everything seems silent/quiet all the time. ( lack of spontaneity )
Memory loss ( Everyday feels like a Blur )
Past events feel like dreams, ( as if i wasn't really there )
Obsessive thoughts ( how life is weird and we're like bodies who live in square boxes etc)
Loss of appetite ( Maybe depression? )
Can't throw up ( I tried just to see what would happen. My jaw and neck muscles constricted and felt tight and NOTHING came up. It's like I have the inability to throw up. )
Irritated ( I get irritated when sitting for more than five minutes. ( Maybe ADHD? )
No urge to move/talk ( It's like all my muscles are very relaxed and i have no urge to move/talk ), very low breathing all the time also...

i have all these symptoms and a a bunch more. you're not alone. mine all got worse from 18, the time the dpd set in, to now 35 and dead.

i feel like im not part of the human condition anymore. i forgot how to just be a human being but i can fake like i am one. i appear normal to all my friends because i can fake it.

how long have you had dpd?


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## erufneriufneri (Jun 7, 2011)

birdiehead said:


> So these are my primary symptoms
> No sense of time.
> No sense of morning, afternoon, evening, night.
> No emotions.
> ...


since may this year


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## Skynet (Jan 21, 2005)

AaronPH said:


> Every morning I used to wake up and I would feel REFRESHED and it was a NEW DAY.
> 
> Now when I go to bed, and wake up, it's like I never went to sleep. It's as though I just laid there for 8 hours
> with my eyes closed, opened them, and the scenery I remembered from the previous night changed. It doesn't feel like I actually fell asleep.


 YES! Same thing here. Ever since I got DP/DR, each day just melds into the next. I'm just as tired after sleeping for 8 hours as I was when I went to sleep. I never feel refreshed anymore like I used to. This isn't a symptom I talk about a lot. It's mainly the dizziness that bothers me. However the fatigue is definitely always there too. You described it well.


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## erufneriufneri (Jun 7, 2011)

Skynet said:


> YES! Same thing here. Ever since I got DP/DR, each day just melds into the next. I'm just as tired after sleeping for 8 hours as I was when I went to sleep. I never feel refreshed anymore like I used to. This isn't a symptom I talk about a lot. It's mainly the dizziness that bothers me. However the fatigue is definitely always there too. You described it well.


thanks
i like to try and be precise with this stuff. it helps me make sense of it in a way..
the more clarity the better


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## erufneriufneri (Jun 7, 2011)

my dp all started around june 1 to be precise, i woke up and nothing felt right....
the day prior, my dad screamed in my face because he had been screaming at my brother so i said "shut the hell up"
and he's one of those nutso catholic christians who screamed in my face and said "YOU NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT OR YOUR MOTHER" blah blah blah........... and i didn't even say anything to my mom so i don't know where he get's that from....

and since then ive had 3 dreams with him either being mean, screaming or demanding something be done immediately.

i think my dp is because of underlying anxiety and HIS fault.. to be honest


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## Gazzy001 (Apr 2, 2016)

Have you noticed any improvements since?


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

I feel exactly the same as desribed in the first message. Can anybody relate?


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## Skate82 (Feb 6, 2016)

I can relate. Especially with the time perception. I feel like the days are flying and I'm just being dragged with it. And the obsessive thoughts. I just want it gone.


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## ToTo (Oct 6, 2015)

I can totally relate to every symptom, except for the throwing up part.


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