# My story, getting better! and questions



## kr123 (Jan 8, 2011)

I KNOW THIS IS REALLY LONG BUT IF YOU READ IT I FEEL THAT IT CAN HELP YOU! 
IT ACTUALLY HELPED ME BY WRITING IT!

Hi im new to this forum and dont really know how it works! 
but im 18 years old and heres my story in May 2010 i smoked weed and this was normal at the time because i was going through a pot head stage as mostly every teenager does! This time it was different, I had a horrible panick attack it felt like I was in a dream and i couldnt wake up, everything looked and felt foreign! it seemed like i was in a different world, my friends seemed to be moving animal like, it was horrible it felt like i had no security! i felt frusterated, i couldnt stop shaking, i thaught the weed was laced! My friends calmed me down and i got a glass of water and went for a walk! -this was a stressfull time in my life i was missing school, got into a big stupid fight with my best friend who ive know forever and still dont talk to, my mom was sending me to florida to spend the summer their because we werent getting along, i felt like i didnt care about anything!- anyway i dissmissed it as a bad trip and quit smoking weed, then i went to florida still feeling like i didnt care about anything which is really weird for me im usually a nervous person who embarresses himself and worries about what other people think! so i was fine in florida ..had some family issues down their with my dad and my best friend but thats about it i had a good time then returned home fine! i came home and stupid me tried smoking again, the same thing happened so i quit for good this time and havent smoked since, i started school and within the first week i have stress because i find out i have to make up classes that i failed last year due to pot head stage lack of motivation and deppressed, any way in school in class i started feeling that dreamy feeling again and this really freaked me out because i wasnt even high!! on the verge of a panick attack i calmed myself down because i thaught of how embarresing it would be if i had a panick attack in school, so anyway i went like 2 weeks with this feeling on and off very frusterating i just thaught it was stress or lack of sleep, so i looked it up online and found out it could be anxiety which threw me because i was actually feeling less anxious as a person but made sense cause of the panick attacks! then i just go weeks with dealing with it and finding out about derealization/depersonalization it was bitter sweet because i was like yay im not going crazy or dieing like i convinced myself, but then i just looked at peoples negative stories who have been dealing with it for 20 years or contemplating suicide -i feel so bad for theses people because i can understand what that could feel like and my heart goes out to them- anyway after not going to school for weeks and just staying home obsessing about whats wrong with me i had a breakdown and told my mom everything above which made me feel worse and like a dissappointment she thaught i was just stressed out and she didnt really understand i tried telling her i wasnt overereacting and that i was serious! -my mom is one of those people who if you tell her your neck hurts when i turn it and she just says then dont turn it lol- anyway my mom looked into online and felt bad about what i was going through! now after understanding it and knowing its something caused from anxiety makes me feel a lot better I finally started going back to school and taking vitamins including -a multivitamin -fish oil omega 3s -b12 -d3 - i stopped drinking coffee and pop! i feel about 65% better! now for my questions and tips!

**i have an appointment with the doctor to rule out anything that could be physically wrong that could be causing this**

QUESTIONS?! 
-Is a deja vu feeling normal?
-Is very very vivid real dreams normal?
-also ive been feeling like i lost my "modes" like i used to have "school mode" "with family mode" "with friends mode" i feel like im the same all the time is this normal?
-Something that is weird for me is that i dont care what people think of me anymore or what i wear ,stuff like that, i used to care about that stuff so much and never wanted to but now that its gone i want it back because it kept me motivated in some kind of way and made me feel good when i looked nice and talked to "cool people" lol is this normal and will i be able to get back to that state of mind set?
-Has anyone tried the linden method?
-I have st. johns wort but am scared to use it because it can have adverse affects, has anyone tried it with success?
-has anyone tried accupuncture with success?
-has anyone tries L-theanine with success?

TIPS! 
-stop thinking about it
-distraction does help 
-start doing things that make you happy
-get your life together, get a job, a hobby, make friends!(i went back to school and applied for jobs and am tackling my friend and family problems) 
-dont let it consume or define you!(think of it as a just a symptom of whatever you have and that its actually a good thing that your brain has this deffense mechanism) 
-talk with friends about old funny memories before you felt this way and laugh, laughter is the best medicine!!(this really helps me, i did this and was completely normal for 2 days and then i thaught "how am i feeling?" and boom derealized!) 
-drink a lot of water! 
-take vitamins (the ones i listed above are what help me)
-get into excersize, go for walks to clear your mind! 
-meditation and yoga
-get good normal sleep between 10:30pm and 6:00am!
-get off the forums and stop self diagnosing yourself with deadly diseases and if you do go on forums only look at the success stories!
-keep a gratitude journal (this really helps thinking of all the things your grateful for and diverting your mind)

*what works for me may or may not work for you everyone is different but its worth a try, right!* 
I always seen these tips on other forums or websites and thaught that couldnt work its too simple, but when you actually do it, it really does work and even if your skeptical about it these are all very healthy things to do anyway so just try it and if it doesnt work atleast your physically healthy so thats one less worry! 
Yes im not completelely "cured" (i say it with quotations because when i think of cured i think of disease and derealization and depersonalization are not a disease in my eyes they are a feeling or sensation, you dont cure saddness you just cheer yourself up idk thats how i look at it) but i do believe im on my way to full recovery i just have to make a few more lifestyle changes! 
I look at this experience as wonderful, i feel like it saved me from the path i was going down and its really ironic to say this but i feel like derealization and depersonalization woke me up and said look at your life you cant handle it like this anymore so make changes! what doesnt kill you makes you stronger!

-im sorry about the bad grammar and punctuation! i just tried getting everythng out in and understandable way!


THANKS FOR READING!!! FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS!!! I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED!!!
please look over my questions and if you can relate you can comment -THANKS!!


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

Hi and welcome.

I agree with everything youre saying and have similar views to you: especially the last line, it really has 'sorted' my life out but in some weird way I want hectic fashion conscious insecure pushy highly strung and dramatic back..

I guess you ahve to stay positive. I never smoked weed but it was still a wake up call for me.

To try to help you: (All experiences are personal to me)

Is a deja vu feeling normal? Yes. Id say you notice these things alot more with the DP.
Is very very vivid real dreams normal? Alot of people say that their dreams are vivid.I believe its the subconscious trying to deal with the stress of events/DP.
also ive been feeling like i lost my "modes" like i used to have "school mode" "with family mode" "with friends mode" i feel like im the same all the time is this normal? Many people complain of total emotion loss and dissacociation so yes! It will ease and you will start to notice your behaving more normally as you improve.
-Something that is weird for me is that i dont care what people think of me anymore or what i wear ,stuff like that, i used to care about that stuff so much and never wanted to but now that its gone i want it back because it kept me motivated in some kind of way and made me feel good when i looked nice and talked to "cool people" lol is this normal and will i be able to get back to that state of mind set? Nothing like DP to kill your motivation. I guess it helps you to stop you from worrying and get you to look on the inside a bit more.
-Has anyone tried the linden method? Personally i cant help you, as my illness is a physical response caused by a single stressful event which is now over.
-I have st. johns wort but am scared to use it because it can have adverse affects, has anyone tried it with success? Uve heard mixed feelings. If it were me, id avoid it. There are others. PS it can stop the contraceptive pill from working.
-has anyone tried accupuncture with success? Thats what I wana know!
-has anyone tries L-theanine with success? Again, id like to know. Ive been recommended 5HTP and DMAE which are perhaps a more proven alternative.


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## kr123 (Jan 8, 2011)

thanks for replying!! yes you have to always stay positive, whats the good in being negative just adds to the problem! their needs to be more positivity on this website haha!! if i find out anything about accupuncture or L-theanine ill let you know! I got an appointment in two weeks with the doc and i also tell you what he says!


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## Onibla (Nov 9, 2010)

"*Something that is weird for me is that i dont care what people think of me anymore or what i wear ,stuff like that, i used to care about that stuff so much and never wanted to but now that its gone i want it back because it kept me motivated in some kind of way and made me feel good when i looked nice and talked to "cool people" lol is this normal and will i be able to get back to that state of mind set?*

This happened to me as well, you do get back to wanting stuff again and regain the ability to become embaressed etc...
But I've held on to the 'not caring what people think of me part', not in a DP sense but in a confidence sense. It feels like I've been to hell, gotten back to reality and realised how little most people opinions mean to me and how easy life is.
Personally I don't want the "_made me feel good when i talked to "cool people"" part back.

De ja vu is very common.
Vivid dreams are normal too._


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## kr123 (Jan 8, 2011)

Onibla said:


> "*Something that is weird for me is that i dont care what people think of me anymore or what i wear ,stuff like that, i used to care about that stuff so much and never wanted to but now that its gone i want it back because it kept me motivated in some kind of way and made me feel good when i looked nice and talked to "cool people" lol is this normal and will i be able to get back to that state of mind set?*
> 
> This happened to me as well, you do get back to wanting stuff again and regain the ability to become embaressed etc...
> But I've held on to the 'not caring what people think of me part', not in a DP sense but in a confidence sense. It feels like I've been to hell, gotten back to reality and realised how little most people opinions mean to me and how easy life is.
> ...


_

thanks for replying







!! its not that i necessarily want "it made me feel good when i talked to "cool people" back" its that i feel like that was a part of me and i just want ME back haha._


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

kr123 said:


> thanks for replying
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh i know the feeling of that! You say the same things as me when you express how you feel about DP. Trust me you will. I would say for me, and others, the visual perception problems linger longest, I get the odd moment where I wonder where ive floated off to and feel invisible but mainly, i can see 'me' coming back. Cants say its hasnt knocked my confidence in some ways; I would not feel so normal about strutting into a pub in a mini dress and expecting everybody to bow at my feet anymore. But it was time for me to grow up anyway! In many ways my confidence has grown. For instance, my friends now look very 'uncool'. They havnt had to or should i say managed to endure this so they are soft little children still in my eyes.

Good luck and keep me updated!


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## somachinaski87 (Jan 15, 2011)

Pretty much exactly the same as what happened to me. Started with Marijuana and then stopped smoking then the dreamy feeling came back and kept coming back. It gets better. Mine has been pretty up and down like I had a good 5years or so where I was fine and able to function normally. Its quite bad now though but I am confident I will get through it


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