# a little reassurance always helps.



## lostsoul93 (Feb 20, 2015)

Where to begin... Well I'm a 21 year old single mom. I work full time and Im raising my daughter while I'm not working. As if that's not stressful enough, I suffer from (self diagnosed) generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and derealization, 24/7. I literally would not wish this on my worst enemy. I generally keep pretty busy, because I have too but I still cannot get distracted enough to get out of my head. All day everyday is such a struggle. I'll apologize in advance for the rambling. I guess I should start with how I feel, my symptoms of derealization are:
1. Overall dream like feeling all the time.
2.just feeling so effing weird. 
3. Not recognizing familiar places.
4.feeling like I'm just going to float away, or black out I really don't even know how to explain. I feel like I'm just waiting to go crazy or die. 
5.feeling like I'm not really here. Like invisible.
6.questioning my existence, life, death and basically everything else.
7. Lots of weird eye symptoms! Floaters, blurry vision, either really dull or vivid colors. Dim lighting also makes it much worse.
8.talking and acting but feeling as if I have no control over it.
9.foggy brain.
10.just feeling fucking crazy in general!!!

There's not a day that passes where I don't think I'm going to pass out, go crazy or die. I feel so paralyzed by all of this. If I could I would spend every minute of the day in my house because that's where I feel the most normal. And I'm generally not a depressed person, despite everything I've managed to keep a positive and generally happy attitude but I can't help but be depressed that even the simplest thing like grocery shopping or taking a walk to the park with my daughter is literally crippling and so frightening that I don't do it. I'm so miserable. I don't wanna feel this way anymore. I grew up with a father who struggled with anxiety and depression and I remember so many times we would be ready to go somewhere and he just couldn't, I didn't understand it then but now I do and I would hate to be that way with my own daughter but I already am, luckily she's just too young to remember. Also, I am not on medication. Not only did my father struggle with anxiety he also struggle with an addiction to xanax so the though of being dependent on a medication scares the hell out of me. Some days are better then others, but I can't live this way any longer!!! I need help, advice anything!! If you've taken the time to read this I appreciate it. Again any words will help. Thank you!!


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## keemogeee (Feb 20, 2015)

I'm a newcomer here and all I can say to you is you're not alone. I experience everything you're experiencing and feel unsettled 24/7. I have had DP/DR for almost 5 years now and it seems to come in waves in terms of manageability. The worst part is the feeling where you feel like you're going to pass out/disappear/die when you begin to panic on your thoughts. The only advice I can give you is what I do to help myself. As soon as my mind starts to wander and I begin to panic on a thought, I tell myself my name, where I am, I name objects I can see, family members names, ect. and I also begin to breathe from the stomach.. anything I can do to ground myself. Once you develop a consistent pattern on calming yourself then you can begin to test your limits, in terms of leaving your "safe zone" and going outside or wherever you don't feel comfortable.


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## lostsoul93 (Feb 20, 2015)

I actually do the same thing ha, with my name and things. It does help. I've had it for about 4 years, and the past two years I did really well I just dont remember how I did it, it came back and came back full force. The mind is a terrible place. I've tried yoga and meditation plenty of times but can't relax my mindeenough to fully enjoy it. Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it!


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## Guest (Feb 20, 2015)

Welcome to the site. May i ask what brought your symptoms on, was it a general long term feeling of panic that juts spiraled into the lovely disorder of DP? Also, be proud of everything you've accomplished at such a young age, you're raising a child on your own, and have this on top of it, not many could do the same. Give yourself a lot of credit for that. I certainly do!


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## lostsoul93 (Feb 20, 2015)

Thank you dude, I appreciate that. And ive always had anxiety, not very severe. Until a I had a really bad episode of derealization in a car about 4 years ago and the anxiety and derealization just went into full effect. I Don't really know what brought it on, I was going through typical teenage things (break up with highschool boyfriend) and I think it just brought a lot of hidden feelings that I tried to ignore from my child hood and it all just hit me and caused just a mental breakdown if that makes sense. That's just my own psychological diagnosis lol.


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## Guest (Feb 21, 2015)

Well it's better than most get from professionals believe it or not. Traumatic feelings/stress/anxiety are all precursors to DP!


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