# Back to the place i was :(



## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

Finding this shit hard to swallow now. Been of citalopram for about a week now and god don't i know it. Panic attacks are back, depression is awful, and im back to my stoned like feeling spaciness shit and its awful. I'm 18 tomorrow and i have not been this depressed in at least two months. I honestly want to die right now. But least now i know, i cant kid myself cause i know for a fact im going to be depersonalized for years if not forever and the ssris i was taking were masking it. I'm worried as to where life is going to take me now because i don't really have the motivation to strive for anything :/.College is awful and im running out of money. I'm going to have to find another job just to live here to pay rent and i cant do it anymore. I want my mind back but i know its not going to happen. I cant help but be miserable. I dont see the point in living anymore but i know thats just my state of mind. This last month has been torture for me. I dont know how im going to get out of this. I just want my mind back. This sucks. I really am sick of the anxiety and everything now. I'm tired of going through life like its some kind of drug trip, scared of my fucking thoughts all the time.







. FUCK THIS.


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

why'd you quit taking the SSRI's when you havent really found any strength yet?


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## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

TheGame said:


> why'd you quit taking the SSRI's when you havent really found any strength yet?


 I found a lot of strengh to the point where i thought i was almost recovered from DP. Obviously it was just masking it.


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

Have you done anything besides taking SSRI's to create a sence of wellbeing?

Like excersicing, taking vitaminsupplements and socializing etc...


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## codeblue213 (Feb 15, 2010)

The SSRI's were probably helping you. On top of not taking them anymore, you're probably also feeling withdrawal, which can make dp alot worse.


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Hey Fluke,
I'm really sorry to hear that







I do not have a lot to say, unfortunately. The only thing 
which cheers me up when times are really really tough is the fact that I know those thoughts are not true. They are base on our disorder(s). And it always gets better. Not perfect, but better.

Hang in there, you will get better again









Steffi


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## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

TheGame said:


> Have you done anything besides taking SSRI's to create a sence of wellbeing?
> 
> Like excersicing, taking vitaminsupplements and socializing etc...


Yh B vitamins help stave off depression a bit. Im also taking a mixture of minerals and other supplements not for DP, but for depression but its not doing much at the minute.


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## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

Gypsy85 said:


> Hey Fluke,
> I'm really sorry to hear that
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks Gypsy







. Yh i do hope so too.


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## whatthehell (Jul 27, 2010)

Hey Fluke,

I have been where you are. It's a sucky feeling to have the anxiety and DP and depression. I think they are all one thing, like anxiety causes depression which causes the DPish shit. 
It is not going to last forever. It just takes a lot of time to get over the things that keep you in its cycle. I am taking ssris, and have had to try a few different ones. Lexapro helped for a bit
but i switched to zoloft because I wanted to try something else. It is hard to accept that we are going to feel whacked out for a while, but there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. 
I know its uncomfortable and you think you aren't going to make it out alive, but you are going to, but not on any timeline that you make. The only thing you can control during this hard time 
is how you react to how you are feeling. Try letting it be there. I took citalopram and had some side effects (which is very normal) and they do go away. You gotta give it a few weeks, then find
the right dose to see if it really helps you.

Things I do:
Run 30 mins a day
Take Zoloft
Talk about what im feeling with close people
DRINK TEA!
practice mindfulness.

Other than that, i just do my best not to get caught up in it, because we fuel a lot of our own problems by obsessing over our feelings.

I hope this encourages you. You are not alone


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## snow storm (Aug 10, 2010)

It could be withdrawal symptoms. 
I think you should give yourself some more time and see how things evolve if you think you can manage that. It can take some time for your brain to get back to normal if you've been on meds for some time.


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

arent the meds there to help out fix the normal balance?
Your brain shouldnt take any time to recouparate as that was the initial thought with applying meds. Your brain was essentially low in serotonin. and needed a boost untill it gets strong enough on its own?

Withdrawals must then come from the excess serotonin that the meds produce and therefore ending the intake of SSRI's should result in the brain accessing the normal flow and therefore the sudden worsening of the depressive symptoms?

Am i right or am i just babbling here?


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Fluke said:


> Finding this shit hard to swallow now. Been of citalopram for about a week now and god don't i know it. Panic attacks are back, depression is awful, and im back to my stoned like feeling spaciness shit and its awful. I'm 18 tomorrow and i have not been this depressed in at least two months. I honestly want to die right now. But least now i know, i cant kid myself cause i know for a fact im going to be depersonalized for years if not forever and the ssris i was taking were masking it. I'm worried as to where life is going to take me now because i don't really have the motivation to strive for anything :/.College is awful and im running out of money. I'm going to have to find another job just to live here to pay rent and i cant do it anymore. I want my mind back but i know its not going to happen. I cant help but be miserable. I dont see the point in living anymore but i know thats just my state of mind. This last month has been torture for me. I dont know how im going to get out of this. I just want my mind back. This sucks. I really am sick of the anxiety and everything now. I'm tired of going through life like its some kind of drug trip, scared of my fucking thoughts all the time.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


SSRI's are mainly for anxiety and depression - not DP. Since you want to be off of it, do it very slowly (months). You can talk to you doctor but basically you need to stabilize at whatever dose (if none starts to work, fine and great). Then slowly...

Whenever a person takes hormones or neurotransmitters, the body counteracts by reducing its own production. If you stop suddenly, it creates a sudden imbalance. As far as SSRI's go, discontinuance is a well known problem. But it is possible. If you reduce slow enough, there will be very little withdrawal. If you find the same problem that you had before the med, then you need the med or something else to help resolve (med, meditation, diet, exercise, sleep, &#8230

How much and how long you take any medicine is up to you. You don't have to feel bad about staying on a medication long term. I always like to test how little I can take about every 3 months, and my meds are more tolerant of this test than some. But I always do it slowly to let the body adjust.

Hope you start to feel better. You have had some rough crap the last couple weeks. Wish you well and know that people here actually care (even if we are just cybers







).


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