# always monitoring how i feel



## johncav (May 9, 2005)

It seems that for the last 33yrs ive been monitoring how i feel acually obsessed with it and i seeem to be moresick then other people OR think i am does anyone else have that problem.


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## sunflower (Jun 7, 2005)

Yes, for 10 years now I have a ``parasite`` sensation/thought monitoring my state of mind and health that keeps on altering all the others. It created the sensation of glass wall between me and the rest of the world no matter if I do things I like or not. I try on concentrating to external signs but after a while I get tired. I get to feel better only late in the afternoon. Funny enaugh, if I get panicked about something going wrong(like my pulse runing high) I tend to feel better.

At the moment I gave up medication and as a result my ideas are poor, have low vitality, can`t concentrate and live like in a glass ball that makes me feel any exterior sign attenuated, like in a dream. I need to wake up! I keep on filling all kind of tests(behavioral therapy) to find out where/if my attitude/behavior towards events in my life it`s negative and the answer that there is nothing bad with my attitude/behavior keeps coming back. I don`t feel sad or depressed. I don`t know what to correct and to what problem to find the solution. I couldn`t detect the event that triggered this condition in order to deal with it. None of the people I know can tell that I have this problem.

Tried all nonmedical solutions: Omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins etc but they failed on long term. I should be happy with my life with no reasons whatsoever for feeling this way. I`m so tired of feeling this way. All doctors I saw told me my ``depression`` it`s not severe and should have cured after few months; it never happened. Therapy (traditional) didn`t help me at all. It`s not as much feeling low as all these symptoms coming back again and again to stay.

Sunflower


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## Universal (May 30, 2005)

what you have to realise is that the monitoring part is actually a part of you. it's neither disconnected from you nor is it something alien to you, just a part of you (let's call it the checker). this checker part is just a part of you like anything else, and since it's something you want to be rid of, the best thing to do is just accept it's existance and don't resist it. if you keep doing that, it should eventually become your ally (or just disappear). remember, don't resist it, it's just there in it's form and let it be the way it is.


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## sunflower (Jun 7, 2005)

Hi Universal!

Thank you for the reply. I never thought it`s not part of me, neither considered it alien. It`s just that sometimes its wish it`s to become the most important part . Most of the time I don`t think about it but it`s there damaging my concentration.
Did you ever feel like this? What was the most efficient treatment?

Sunflower


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