# Harris Harrington/ Attachment theory solution, best approach



## yodawg (Jun 8, 2013)

Hi all!

Firstly, I'll start off saying that I am not cured, so I am one of you and you can trust me completely. I had a conviction, which, I believe will made life easier to me instantly and life very enjoyable someday very soon.

I had DP for 2 months, then I recovered(simple anxiety coping) for about 4 months (during which I got stoned multiple times and had fun), and then I relapsed mid-January this year, because of hitting new "high"ts on a bong, I got DP'd 2 hours into the trip. Since the first time i got DP'd normally through a panic attack, this was newer and scarier and thus, i'd eventually suffered PTSD every night and triggered DP every night. During day, I had to attend classes and was coping fine.

Now, I have vacations and I'm home. Here I got shit scared because DP was much more effective here, because I felt disconnected to my much more familiar surroundings and familiar people. Then I went on a Google rampage again.

When I got DP'd second time, I was less crazy or scared than the first time for obvious reasons. Now, I wanted to rationally explore this condition knowing that I could always get out of it like I did the first time.

*I realized overcoming DP is like solving a puzzle with a scary picture, the more you solve it, the more scary it appears and more difficult it is to move on. But you need to complete it. *

Lets separate bare facts from theories. *There are many theories people lose themselves in*. We need to *separate facts *from those and then construct one like they say in 221B Baker Street.

Fact 1 - *Anxiety triggers DP * Fact 2 - *Anxiety fuels DP *
You can't infer that Anxiety causes DP and use Anxiety medication or Anxiety based diets.

Fact 3 -* Anxiety clouds your thought process*
Therefore *its essential to lose the anxiety not to cure DP, but to be in a position to be able to cure DP*. Also relieving your anxiety could make DP barely noticeable in some fortunate people, that's why I thought I was "cured" the first time, But I'll tell you why thats not a proper solution

Fact 5 - *DP is a dissociative disorder*
This is the *most important* fact. Its *not* anxiety based. Attachment theory needs to be consulted. The *reason why you dissociate is that you are weakly associated in the first place*, for instance, its easy to break a co-valent bond than an ionic bond, as Walter white says in Breaking Bad. This is something of that sort, you didnt form a strong enough bond with the world, different people form bonds with different strengths, that's why they have different levels of DP, they hit the peak level during a panic attack.

Clearly you formed a weak association, its your job to make the association stronger, for this you need to change your life. Its one of those easy to say, difficult to do things, how do you change yourself from being yourself? Its almost a Rhetorical question , but luckily I did find a way.
You need to ask yourself some basic questions. Since the moment you're born, your parents make you into a certain person. except, in some cases, like ours, our parents expect us to be certain person, but we aren't entirely that person in reality.

What I mean is, *your parents raised you to be someone after X years, but you don't turn out to be that way* because of whatever reasons, now *you're confused because you dont know who you are, whether you are what your parents expected you to be or whether you are who you are*, obviously you are who you are!

In my case, my dad was a perfectionist, his love to me was explicit to me only when I matched his expectations, he never hit me or seldom verbally abused me, which made it difficult to realize that I had a traumatic childhood. Anyway he raised me to be a perfectionist. However, i started doing things where seeking perfection was moronic. I started doing this on my own without any pressure by my dad after a point. *I realized i was programmed to do this*. Usually my dad always expects perfection in academics, I however started expecting perfectionism in everything, from social life to music, but as far as i was concerned being perfect to my expectations, was correct, natural, out of my free will and logical . This was very tiring when you do it for years and I couldn't take it anymore and got the background for developing DP.

Now that I understand this, I will question my desire for perfection and enjoy life for what it is! Therefore curing DP!!

Lets face it, DP only exists if you are having trouble living life, either if you are scared of something, or if you're depressed with something.
Most people are scared of something, however they don't notice it as much as their subconscious does.
*Imagine having no fear, of anything in the world, No fear of failing in life(Perfectionism) , No fear of having DP, No fear of losing someone(Co-dependency), No fear of Dying etc.*
I mean uncontrollable fear, not usual worry. Uncontrollable fear will make you shudder at the thought of the situation.

I guarantee you one thing :
*If the All of the world is just a very happy place in your head, you'd never have DP, you'd never need it!

Y.N.W.A!*


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Very good post. I can relate to all this . Can I and if you have or head existential fears like what am I doing here. And scared to be here and thinking its weird to be alive?


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Can I ask*


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## yodawg (Jun 8, 2013)

DP is a condition and thoughts like that are Anxiety based!
Eliminate Anxiety and you wont have scary thoughts, or you'll deal with scary thoughts.
Just calm yourself by telling that

a)* You have DP*

*b )since you have DP, you're freaked out and in a highly anxious state*

c) *In a state of High Anxiety, you only have scary thoughts and scary epiphanies *

First step in eliminating DP is *not being afraid of having it*. *DP is not Cancer*, its not a disease. *Its an unpleasant defense mechanism*. Its actually saving you from yourself, just ask yourself why do you have to be saved. Question your pre-DP life. When you're shit scared of DP, you think having DP is the worst thing ever and you were very happy before. Thats 100% BS. I am pretty certain something caused you to have a stressful life, I mean your spiritual fundamentals were all probably wrong.

Of-course, I had scary existential thoughts, but I never gave room to them, just shut them down, convince yourself that they aren't important.
*You can't solve it by winning a debate against your own head. *
Carry on live life in a healthy and very free way, ask yourself whats stopping you from being free, that's your problem.
Focus on leading a healthy life, not getting rid of DP. *Focus on finding happiness in life, not on different DP symptoms.* that is only possible if you shut down existential anxiety


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Hey I rlly love this post 

Nicely written !!! And makes a lot of sense


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## Guest (Mar 22, 2014)

Good post, this is knowledge everyone needs to know


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## davinizi (Mar 9, 2016)

Does anybody know what those 'very powerful grounding exercises' are that Harris talks about in some of his youtube video's?


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## XBrave (Oct 28, 2016)

this post is awesome


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## purplegrouch (Dec 12, 2017)

I relate strongly based on the conclusions I've drawn. Thank you for the sound and reassuring post.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

What you say in this post took me about 5 years of having DP to figure out. You are so right. People would be wise to listen.


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## lilnewk (Mar 15, 2012)

Wait so dp is not a symptom of anxiety ?


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## lg100000 (May 21, 2016)

^ I think that is a possibility, atleast in my case I can say 100 percent.


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