# Hope for drug-induced DPD?



## unreal88

I'm new to this site. I would greatly appreciate any guidance, help, advice, or techniques that anyone has to offer. I feel detached from myself, alone, and scared. I'm hoping that maybe some of you feel the same way.

I smoked marijuana several times last September and October. On the final time I got high, I became extremely anxious and panicked. I had the eerie sensation of lifting off from the ground--as if weightless--and floating behind my body.

Ever since then (for three months now), I have experienced constant and unwavering DPD. It seems to be the worst when I wake up in the morning and at night right before I go to sleep. During the day, I feel like a robot performing socially acceptable actions and watching my life unfold without any agency. Sometimes, it seems as if I'm living behind a thick fog or a glass wall. It's hard for me to concentrate on schoolwork or to think analytically at all; I can't write essays or solve problems; I feel like it just takes me longer to understand things than it did before. I feel stupid, slow, and incompetent. I want to get better, but dwelling on my foggy mind only seems to make things worse.

I often feel overstimulated and overwhelmed in places like classrooms or movie theaters. There seems to be an excess of visual or social stimuli around me and my anxiety levels skyrocket. It's like I can't keep up with the pace of what's going on. I experience 1-2 full-on panic attacks per week, usually brought on by ruminating obsessively about my condition.

I can't seem to stop checking in with myself at least once every 5 minutes--do I feel depersonalized now? Is it worse than before? Are my limbs still feeling distant? Does my voice still seem to belong to someone else? One of the most unbearable parts of this for me is that I can't ignore these compulsive self check-ins. It's like I'm constantly re-diagnosing myself with DPD.

It feels like I'm going insane, like my brain is slowly deteriorating. One of my greatest fears is that I will lose control--that I will not be able to regulate my speech or my behaviors, and that people will see the "normal" veneer that I've so carefully constructed and worked so tirelessly to maintain. If I'm no longer behind the steering wheel of my body, then who is in control? What will I do when the fog totally obscures my mind?

Do any of these sensations sound familiar to those of you with DPD? Do you experience the same anxious thoughts? Just knowing that there are others out there like me would be immensely reassuring.

On that note, can anyone point me towards any helpful resources for coping or even getting better? I'm beyond ready to feel like myself again.

Thank you so much.


----------



## Jordanmcr

Hey,

I am experiencing pretty much the same thing, I believe my DP/DR (Mainly DR) came after a weed induced panic attack. I have had it now for around two months but it feels like an eternity, much of that two months has been spent frantically searching for some kind of miracle cure.

I have been trying to keep myself distracted by exercising and working on music. It actually takes my mind off the feelings but once I finish what I am doing it comes back even more intensely, which seems to overwhelm me and also make me feel like i'm on the verge of a panic attack.

I suppose I am still going through a stage where i'm finding it hard to believe that I have DP/DR and not something more sinister (e.g tumor) and because I have had health anxiety and existential thoughts on/off since I was young it is probably only making my issues worse. I experience the feelings you describe and I also experience other symptoms such as - Time distortion, memory loss, feeling like everything around me is foreign and unfamiliar, detached from the people around me...as well as a whole host of physical symptoms which just increase my health anxiety.

I have been taking Mirtazapine for depression but I don't know if it is working for me and also taking supplements - L-Theanine, Vitamin B Complex, Cod Liver Oil and ZMA. I am better than I was a few weeks ago but I don't know if that is just becasue I am getting more used to it. I do also have the fear of "Losing" my old self (thoughts, feelings, memories etc) the longer this goes on and also losing all control but i've not come across anybody with DP who has gone "mad" or lost all control.

Do you have or have you ever had any issues with anxiety or anything like that?

J


----------



## CorbinTalbot

unreal88 said:


> I'm new to this site. I would greatly appreciate any guidance, help, advice, or techniques that anyone has to offer. I feel detached from myself, alone, and scared. I'm hoping that maybe some of you feel the same way.
> 
> I smoked marijuana several times last September and October. On the final time I got high, I became extremely anxious and panicked. I had the eerie sensation of lifting off from the ground--as if weightless--and floating behind my body.
> 
> Ever since then (for three months now), I have experienced constant and unwavering DPD. It seems to be the worst when I wake up in the morning and at night right before I go to sleep. During the day, I feel like a robot performing socially acceptable actions and watching my life unfold without any agency. Sometimes, it seems as if I'm living behind a thick fog or a glass wall. It's hard for me to concentrate on schoolwork or to think analytically at all; I can't write essays or solve problems; I feel like it just takes me longer to understand things than it did before. I feel stupid, slow, and incompetent. I want to get better, but dwelling on my foggy mind only seems to make things worse.
> 
> I often feel overstimulated and overwhelmed in places like classrooms or movie theaters. There seems to be an excess of visual or social stimuli around me and my anxiety levels skyrocket. It's like I can't keep up with the pace of what's going on. I experience 1-2 full-on panic attacks per week, usually brought on by ruminating obsessively about my condition.
> 
> I can't seem to stop checking in with myself at least once every 5 minutes--do I feel depersonalized now? Is it worse than before? Are my limbs still feeling distant? Does my voice still seem to belong to someone else? One of the most unbearable parts of this for me is that I can't ignore these compulsive self check-ins. It's like I'm constantly re-diagnosing myself with DPD.
> 
> It feels like I'm going insane, like my brain is slowly deteriorating. One of my greatest fears is that I will lose control--that I will not be able to regulate my speech or my behaviors, and that people will see the "normal" veneer that I've so carefully constructed and worked so tirelessly to maintain. If I'm no longer behind the steering wheel of my body, then who is in control? What will I do when the fog totally obscures my mind?
> 
> Do any of these sensations sound familiar to those of you with DPD? Do you experience the same anxious thoughts? Just knowing that there are others out there like me would be immensely reassuring.
> 
> On that note, can anyone point me towards any helpful resources for coping or even getting better? I'm beyond ready to feel like myself again.
> 
> Thank you so much.





Jordanmcr said:


> Hey,
> 
> I am experiencing pretty much the same thing, I believe my DP/DR (Mainly DR) came after a weed induced panic attack. I have had it now for around two months but it feels like an eternity, much of that two months has been spent frantically searching for some kind of miracle cure.
> 
> I have been trying to keep myself distracted by exercising and working on music. It actually takes my mind off the feelings but once I finish what I am doing it comes back even more intensely, which seems to overwhelm me and also make me feel like i'm on the verge of a panic attack.
> 
> I suppose I am still going through a stage where i'm finding it hard to believe that I have DP/DR and not something more sinister (e.g tumor) and because I have had health anxiety and existential thoughts on/off since I was young it is probably only making my issues worse. I experience the feelings you describe and I also experience other symptoms such as - Time distortion, memory loss, feeling like everything around me is foreign and unfamiliar, detached from the people around me...as well as a whole host of physical symptoms which just increase my health anxiety.
> 
> I have been taking Mirtazapine for depression but I don't know if it is working for me and also taking supplements - L-Theanine, Vitamin B Complex, Cod Liver Oil and ZMA. I am better than I was a few weeks ago but I don't know if that is just becasue I am getting more used to it. I do also have the fear of "Losing" my old self (thoughts, feelings, memories etc) the longer this goes on and also losing all control but i've not come across anybody with DP who has gone "mad" or lost all control.
> 
> Do you have or have you ever had any issues with anxiety or anything like that?
> 
> J


Ahh you two guys, im the exact same, 3 months running now, 17yrs old, induced from ecstacy or mbad marijuana trip which led me to hospital, someone fucking help us. amen


----------



## MissLana

I've had DP and DR from a marijuana induced panic attack for five months now.

After I stopped smoking and got DP/DR, the first month was hell. I ended up in the E.R. three times with my heart rate going up to 165++ bpm. I was sweating through clothes and socks several times daily and all I did was sweat for a whole month non-stop. My heart would race and I had no choice but to be put on Clonazepam (Klonopin) because I have nervous system problems to begin with and I sense this all made my nervous system disorder 10X worse. I would get hot flashes, then I'd get cold. I'd feel like I was having a heart attack all the time.

And the DP/DR... everything looked 2D, I still felt 'stoned' despite being sober for months. That's the most annoying symptom. I used to enjoy marijuana but having DP/DR for four months left me with this constant stoned feeling, like I was on the influence of marijuana 24/7

The good news is, more and more people as of late are reporting withdrawal like symptoms from marijuana. I, on top of the DP/DR, was sweating as I mentioned, felt like I was running a fever non stop even though I wasn't, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, kept vomiting, my temperature would change from hot to cold constantly, and, I'd have really bad tachycardia.

A lot of people report relief from Marijuana's effects on the brain at the 6-8 month mark. Me, personally, I am on the 5 month mark, almost. In one week, it'll be five months living with DP/DR.

Luckily, I landed myself in the mental hospital and I met one guy there that smoked marijuana ONCE and had DP/DR for three months. Then, I met another man there who smoked MJ for 10 years daily and was DPed for over a year. But, he made a full recovery.

Let me tell you a secret. I lived every day expecting my DP/DR to get better daily. I've been eating right, taking vitamins, supplements, etc. and I was like... let's say 20% away from feeling 100% recovered and back to normal.

Then, I went online, started reading about people having DP for 10 - 20 years ( or even longer ), and suddenly, I had another panic attack, picturing my DP lasting for a decade or longer, and, BAM, all my symptoms got worse. I suddenly missed that feeling of being 20% away from recovery. This happened two weeks ago and I'm slowly getting myself back into the state I was back when I was somewhat close to recovery.

The good news about my DP is that it tapered off since stopping the weed. There's some new information going around that marijuana affects the brain dramatically. Even if you didn't use it habitually, it could have thrown your brain chemistry out of whack. DP/DR is a defense mechanism for some people, on top of the brain being unbalanced. The nervous system and chemistry of the brain plays heavily into DP.

I sense that in DPed people, some neural pathways may not be working right, leading to distorted perception. Marijuana can overload the neurotransmitters in your brain, forcing them to stop working properly. This puts the brain in a dilemma because it has to figure out how to re-wire the brain and this can take half a year to a year from what I was told by my psychiatrist.

I also bought a DP/DR seminar by a man named Harris Harrington who did years of research and cited all of his sources and where he got his info from. He got DP from a marijuana induced panic attack, too. He had it for two years but made a full recovery. Harris was saying that part of DP is the fact that the nervous system goes into fight / flight mode. Meaning, you produce adrenaline and other stress hormones, and, the part of the brain known as the Amygdala is heavily responsible for the creeping thoughts and anxiety that plague you. On top of that, Harris mentioned that the hemispheres of the brain become unbalanced. The left / right hemispheres of the brain may be responsible for DP. One side of the brain is logical and one is creative. With DP people, logic and creativity seem to be numbed out a bit. At least they are for me. I no longer think as logically and let intrusive thoughts take over me. As for creativity, I just have no motivation sometimes to do hobbies or things I used to love to do.

Since us drug induced DPers don't really have a real psychological trauma besides our panic and detachment from reality during our drug use, I truly hope and believe that we are likely to come out of it. DP happens when something very traumatic happens and the brain detaches in a way to numb out the pain of the fear / trauma that you experienced. The problem is that if you let your DP scare you enough, you can go into a deeper state of DP because now your brain wants to become more DPed to spare you the misery of your DP. Makes sense?

Would you believe that back when I was full of hope and 100% believed that I was going to be okay, I got to a point where I felt 10% away from being normal again on good days? Then I messed it all up by reading about the possibility of being stuck with it for decades. I literally felt my brain go "Aww, hell no, I don't want to think about being stuck with this shit for years *detaches even more*"

So, anyways. I find that since having DP, the nervous system is much more on edge. Much more in fight / flight mode. Relaxing the nervous system is key to dealing with drug induced DP. Sure, the whole mind over matter thing is effective, but, our panic attacks overloaded our nervous system and now we're more nervous, anxious, and panicked than ever before.

Here are some things that helped me.

1) Eat raw foods like organic veggies and fruits. Stop caffeine and tobacco ASAP, although, if you do smoke cigarettes, I'd recommend tapering off because the withdrawal would probably make you more anxious and nervous. I've found that cutting off gluten, bread, pastries, and things like that helped me a lot. Probiotics help a lot. Things with live cultures help a lot, too. I also avoid most dairy like cheese. Dairy isn't that good for you. I avoid processed foods, too. I eat a lot of meats and lean proteins and I found this paleo type of diet helps a lot. Also, drink lots of water.

2) Fish oil, flaxseeds (they also have omega 3s and tons of fiber), magnesium, and a B 12 complex helped me a whole lot. The body depletes magnesium when in high levels of stress, and, magnesium is crucial for nervous system function. I take supplements and do epsom salt baths / foot soaks. Epsom salt, on top of drinking lots of water and eating high fiber foods, helps flush out toxins. If you do nothing else, at least start taking fish oil every day and magnesium and see if they improve your quality of life.

3) I take Klonopin for stress and anxiety, but, a lot of people here don't like benzos because they are addictive and they do sedate the nervous system. But, remember, I have an autonomic dysfunction and produce too much adrenaline and stress hormones so Klonopin is actually something my doctor told me to take before I even got DP because it would help my condition. Klonopin does help my DP/DR, but, I sense that's because my nervous system is just not as stable as other people's. I only mention this because I sense that DPed people also have nervous systems that go out of whack, especially if they did get DP by drug induced panic attacks. If you do go down the benzo road, be careful. Xanax made me much worse and was too strong for me. I take 1/2 a mg of Klonopin twice daily and that's a relatively low dose. If you want an alternative method for calming the nervous system, Valerian Root works a lot like benzodiazepines without the highly addicting factor. Valerian Root calms the nervous system but it is rather sedating and makes me want to sleep.

4) Exercise helps, but, I know you're not going to want to do it. I'm so fatigued at the moment that I don't really want to do much, but, exercise has the power to regulate certain aspects of brain chemistry and hormones, so, I think it can definitely help the brain.

5) I know this sounds crazy but you know what helped me out a lot? Massaging my eyes. My brain feels so tired from being DPed for months and my brain is always cloudy and foggy, and my vision is always distorted and out of focus, and, a good eye massage takes away some of the tension and strain.

6) Ever since hearing that the brain hemispheres may be out of whack in DPed people, I've been listening to some binaural beats that have something called Hemi-Sync technology. Binaural beats can calm the brain, increase focus, reduce stress on the brain, and, do a whole number of things. My favorite beats are ones that use Hemi-Sync or hemisphere synchronization technology. Many beats on youtube have Hemi-Sync, but, even normal binaural beats or isochronic tones help relax me and take off some of the brain strain. I also get lots of mental clarity from them.Here's an entire youtube playlist composed of Hemi-Sync based binaural beats.






These are by a company called the Immrama Institute and they are some of my favorites. You do need headphones for these to be effective.

7) One of the best things you can do is just accept that you're DPed and stop fighting it. When you feel weird, accept that you feel weird. When things look weird, accept that they look weird. It's a horrendous disorder but it's not a deadly one. DP will only linger if you worry about it too much. Great distractions are video games, computer games, books, or even sex. I only mentioned that last one because it releases endorphins which make everyone feel good and less stressed. There are natural ways to get the feel-good chemicals going, too. I'd research those if I were you. Those chemicals are probably what DPed people are lacking. So, I sense that things like dopamine and serotonin levels may be off with DPed people. When I'm blissfully happy or in a state of pleasure or extreme joy, my DP gets SO much better that I almost completely forget about it. My vision clears up a lot, my brain feels less foggy and strained, and, I feel more connected. So, yes, DP, on top of being a dissociative defense mechanism, I think, definitely has lots to do with 1) The nervous system, fight / flight response, too much adrenaline and stress hormones being produced, overactive Amygdala, and 2) Brain chemistry, neural pathways, the brain hemispheres, and levels of dopamine and serotonin and probably other things I am leaving out.

So, get your anxiety under control. Get your nervous system under control. For me, when I don't want to take my Klonopin or Valerian Root, this can be as simple as making some chamomile lavender tea and soaking my feet in a magnesium epsom salt bath. If I still have anxiety despite all my efforts and am just having a panic-attack kind of day, then I do find other ways to calm the nervous system, which makes dealing with DP so much better. DP has a hard time thriving in a stress, anxiety, and panic free environment. DP is like an energy vampire that feeds off of your fear, frustration, and anxiety. It will continue to suck the life out of you if you feed it. But, if you force yourself to calm down (even if it's by means of medication), and try to be happy or positive, and do fun stuff like play video games or do other fun stuff that release feel-good chemicals in your brain, the DP is going to be like "Well.... they're not stressed... I don't have much to feed off of" and, over time, you will see your DP taper off bit by bit. Mine tapered off a lot over five months. It's not gone, completely, but sometimes I do have days where I tell myself "A few more weeks and I'll be completely normal" because that's how close I feel.

I think it's a good sign if your DP fluctuates. If you have a day where you feel 20 - 30% away from being normal, and then a day where you feel, lets say 50% away from being normal and have a bad day, at least you know that you are capable of getting yourself down to that 20% away from being normal feeling. Some people don't see improvements or only see little improvements in their DP after months and years. Me, I have seen grand improvements. I had 2D vision so bad, I felt high as a kite for the first two months, everything was spinning, everything looked foreign, and I ended up in the E.R. three times, crying in the lobby to my family that "Everything felt like a dream and I was dying"

I'm no longer at that state. 2D vision is gone, I feel more connected, things don't look as weird. I no longer really feel stoned or high, except, certain lightings like my bathroom lighting which is really bright and has lots of bright light bulbs, makes everything look hazy, out of focus, and my brain goes back into the mode of feeling like it's kind of high or out of it because the light or something is too bright to deal with? I don't know. Then, I go into a better lit room and things feel more normal. Also, supermarkets make my DP get temporarily worse. DP tires out the brain. The brain has been so stressed and anxious and overstimulated that it really may not want to look at really bright things or at 200 different items on the shelves of supermarkets. I find that when I go to a supermarket, my brain starts screaming "VISUAL OVERLOAD" loud and clear because things sort of blur together and things get hazy and I start feeling panicked and want to get out of there ASAP.

But, I have hope that it's going to taper down. Remember what I said. Drink lots of water, take your magnesium, take fish oils they are a MUST, and, I found that high fiber and probiotics and a more regulated digestive system helps. It's been proven that gut health is related to our mental clarity. So, clear out those toxins, get your nervous system in a chill place, listen to some binaural beats, mantras, or relaxing meditation music, play video games, do activities that release those feel-good chemicals, and just ignore and avoid your DP as best as you can. Also, try to avoid sugar and get to eating healthy. Hope this helps, and, sorry for the long post.

Also, read this http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/196341/A-very-inspiring-column-about-depersonalization-and-derealization

This is very accurate at explaining how DP is a defense mechanism where your brain needs time to rest. In our cases, a drug induced panic attack made our brain want to detach from reality. It does this to try to escape the threat or thing that is causing us to panic in the first place. But, now that there is no visible threat or external force that is stressing us out, we are now focusing on ourselves and the fact that we have DP, and that is making us want to get more detached to escape our detachment. Make sense? We fight against a natural defense mechanism, causing the defense mechanism to kick in more strongly.

The brain sort of goes into a cave where it wants to relax and rest, but, DPed people often find their very DP to be a threat or something to stress out over, thus, not giving the brain a chance to rest, which is what it got into DP in the first place for.

The link I just posted also talks about how in DP, your brain is functioning close to how it does in a near-sleep state. Meaning, you know when you're tired and about to sleep? I, personally, have that 24/7. I can sleep for 10 hours but my brain will still be close to that sleep state. This also explains why so many of us feel like we are in a dream, while we are DPed, because our brain isn't functioning in fully 100% awake mode. We are closer to the sleep state, thus, making us feel tired, hazy,dreamy, and like our vision is often clouded and out of focus like how it gets when we are really tired. Apparently, DPed people are literally close to the sleep and dream state while being awake. What happens when we sleep and dream? We feel like we're not in this reality anymore, and are off somewhere, dreaming. If our brains are close to the sleep and dream state now that we're DPed while we're awake, this explains why our perception of waking reality changed so much because our waking reality has sort of merged with a near-sleep / dream reality, creating this weird hybrid of some state between dreaming and being awake. It's really scary, I know.

I find that writing and typing a lot helps distract my brain and use my brain to sharpen it, so, I tend to get lost in typing a lot. Plus, I want to help you, because I am in the same exact boat and trust me, I know what it feels like to be scared of never being normal again. It's the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I sincerely hope and pray that it goes away for me and for all of you guys, and, for everyone on this site, because no one deserves this. I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy.


----------



## unreal88

Thank you so much everyone! It feels so good to know that there are others out there like me.

To answer your question, Jordanmcr, I definitely struggle with anxious thoughts daily (even right now). I never had anxiety problems before, but with the onset of DPD my mind seems to have gone into overdrive. I find myself constantly ruminating on my mental condition, seemingly obsessed with whether or not its improving. This tires me out a lot, but I can't seem to stop it. It also makes relapses or "bad days" seem all the more devastating. I'm sure you can relate.

Miss Lana, your reply was extremely helpful. I will definitely try out those supplements and the beats (I had never heard of those before). I also think that what you're saying about DPD being a fight-or-flight response exacerbated by stress and anxiety makes perfect sense. I had never thought about it that way before, but of course depersonalization thrives in stressful, hopeless, or traumatic environments. If I can just learn to relax and distract myself, I will undoubtedly begin to feel better. Where did you hear that most drug-induced DPD cases typically last 6-8 months? Just curious.

On a different note, do any of you ever sense a "voice" inside of your head? I'm not talking about schizophrenic hallucinations or psychotic delusions or anything that serious--rather, it's more like some rude, obnoxious voice is narrating each one of my thoughts as it occurs to me, like there's a man with a megaphone inside my mind who won't stop talking. I know this sounds like a more serious symptom, but I'm not actually hearing voices--the sensation is more like my old self is trapped inside my head, passing judgement on my speech and behavior, narrating and almost mocking each idea that flashes across my mind. This most noticeably occurs when I am extremely anxious or at the height of a panic attack, though it does occur to a lesser extent throughout the day. Almost as if I have a judgmental passenger--an unwelcome stowaway--riding around in my brain. I know this sounds a little crazy, but have you ever experienced anything like this?

Best wishes and a speedy recovery to all of you. Get better.


----------



## rocketiakman

unreal88 said:


> Thank you so much everyone! It feels so good to know that there are others out there like me.
> 
> To answer your question, Jordanmcr, I definitely struggle with anxious thoughts daily (even right now). I never had anxiety problems before, but with the onset of DPD my mind seems to have gone into overdrive. I find myself constantly ruminating on my mental condition, seemingly obsessed with whether or not its improving. This tires me out a lot, but I can't seem to stop it. It also makes relapses or "bad days" seem all the more devastating. I'm sure you can relate.
> 
> Miss Lana, your reply was extremely helpful. I will definitely try out those supplements and the beats (I had never heard of those before). I also think that what you're saying about DPD being a fight-or-flight response exacerbated by stress and anxiety makes perfect sense. I had never thought about it that way before, but of course depersonalization thrives in stressful, hopeless, or traumatic environments. If I can just learn to relax and distract myself, I will undoubtedly begin to feel better. Where did you hear that most drug-induced DPD cases typically last 6-8 months? Just curious.
> 
> On a different note, do any of you ever sense a "voice" inside of your head? I'm not talking about schizophrenic hallucinations or psychotic delusions or anything that serious--rather, it's more like some rude, obnoxious voice is narrating each one of my thoughts as it occurs to me, like there's a man with a megaphone inside my mind who won't stop talking. I know this sounds like a more serious symptom, but I'm not actually hearing voices--the sensation is more like my old self is trapped inside my head, passing judgement on my speech and behavior, narrating and almost mocking each idea that flashes across my mind. This most noticeably occurs when I am extremely anxious or at the height of a panic attack, though it does occur to a lesser extent throughout the day. Almost as if I have a judgmental passenger--an unwelcome stowaway--riding around in my brain. I know this sounds a little crazy, but have you ever experienced anything like this?
> 
> Best wishes and a speedy recovery to all of you. Get better.


for some people the phenomenon can last for months, some years, some days. Look i have it we all have it, it should go away, but the question i ask is if your depression is causing it, how do you fix that?


----------



## onrecovery

so how are you feeling so far unreal88?


----------

