# I'm a sick person and I desperately want to change.



## brileeb (Feb 10, 2012)

i'm 20 years old and I've struggled with ADHD, Depression, OCD, Anxiety, DP, etc. for years. I was verbally abused as a child by my father whom I've inherited most of my mental issues from. I've always been slightly aware of my behavior, but not as much as I should be, especially after I developed the DP. I've done some pretty devious things that aren't normal. I'm manipulative, careless, perverse, and self-destructive. I have social issues and have a hard time with relationships, I guess I really could be considered "psychotic." Deep down i'm truly compassionate and want to be a good person and I don't wish harm on anyone. However, how matter how hard I try, what meds I take, or what advice i'm given, I can't seem to change my behavior. All this has ultimately been brought to my attention because of something I did recently that was pretty awful; I was obsessing over an ex-boyfriend and couldn't move on, so I created a "fake person" online just to be able to talk to him, because in reality I really hurt him after our breakup and he avoided contact with me. Anyway, it got to the point where we were texting each other daily, he was flirting back to the "girl" and wanted to date her, it got way out of control. I even broke up the relationship he had with his girlfriend that he really loved. So I finally came clean to him that it was really me, and of course I was called all sorts of things like a homewrecker, liferuiner, psychotic, etc. which I expected. But he did mention that he still cares about me and loves me but he threatened to stop all contact with me if I couldn't get him and his girlfriend back together. I never meant to harm him. It was my own sick way to trying to hold on to him. I'm humiliated and almost feel like I can't even live with myself. Obviously I need some intense therapy, if that could even help. How should I feel, and how can I save myself before I do something that's potentially dangerous?


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## Morgane.N (Feb 10, 2013)

Hello brileeb  .

Welcome to this forum . We are not here to judge you . You say that you have built a selfish and perverse personnality to protect you , maybe , but everybody can change .

Consult a good therapist , with whom you will feel comfortable .

With Love .


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