# Apathetic and Indifferent



## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

I've been feeling like this for a long time even though i try to be compassionate or show any feeling whatsoever... it makes me feel guilty too because when i do try to show compassion, it feels fake... aarrgh!! Same thing when something good happens, i feel fake when i try to show happiness...







Okay let me explain more... i feel real when I am sad/depressed/pessimistic then when i try to be positive/happy i feel fake! I don't get this... maybe i should try explaining to the psychologist. Anybody have this experience? Feel free to ask questions too.


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## S O L A R I S (Dec 24, 2009)

I can completely relate. Ive had it since childhood, therefore, I never knew there was anything else but this. I have only been DP free for two weeks, following an antidepressant I took, which completely reversed the DP. I felt reborn, foreign emotions like joy and happiness, but sadly i went back into this perpetual dream state. Ignorance was bliss for me.

I can not imagine how life would be without this "sadness/DP". I dont mean saddness in a negative way, but an emptiness rather. this feeling of suffocation/trapped. Spontanaity and joy, are ideas that I can understand, but not really experience. I can be very social and charming and "happy", I wont lie, there is a sense of peace that comes with DP. its a safe haven really. Being "lonely" is not an issue for me. Being "normal" doesnt become an issue. There is this interesting connection with yourself, this isolation of yourself with yourself. I think this emptiness relates to the deep hole which is DP, so it makes you feel...something.

P.S. love your signature Scream song ! one of my favorites of all time! kick ass video. lol


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## Tim (Jul 17, 2009)

I completly relate! When I'm happy I feel like I'm just lieng to myself or something, like pretending to act normal and I feel uncomfortAble doing it. For me I think it has to do with the cold comfort of a constant depression. Allot of the time depression is horrible and allot of the time DP is very disstressing, but sometimes I get this perfect combination of cold comfort. Like it's overcast and Fall outside and I can't say I feel "joy", it's just like I'm spectacularly comfortable and I feel completly empty without a thought in my head.

Or it might have to do with the fact that all the really happy people look and act like complete fools when I'm depressed, and because of what I thought about those people I don't want to act that way?

I don't know, just theories.


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

Thanks for your replies guys! Much appreciated











> Or it might have to do with the fact that all the really happy people look and act like complete fools when I'm depressed, and because of what I thought about those people I don't want to act that way?


Tim, I know what you mean there... that's how I see it as well.

I guess that because we get so used to this sadness, numbness, disconnection, detachment, etc., it makes us see things differently and behave differently. What do you think?

Solaris, yes it's a great song ey? RIP Michael


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