# Floating in numb oblivion



## Westcoast Ghost (Sep 8, 2013)

I've had DPD for 4.5 fucking years! I got it when I smoked weed the first time at age 16 and I'll be 21 next week. I am just floating in a fog. How is anyone supposed to enjoy life this way? I can't feel anything. I can't sense the passage of time. It's bullshit. I feel like a mind without a body and like I'm stuck watching a really bad movie. The only thing I enjoy is sleep except when I have dreams about DP. I overthink everything. What the hell do I do to feel real and normal again? I'm a ghost.


----------



## Westcoast Ghost (Sep 8, 2013)

Selig said:


> This may sound like a recycled approach, but all I can tell you is what has helped me. This episode has been 4 years for me.
> 
> I used to think the way you do and held a lot of negative feelings towards DPD (hard not to) and it did truly hold me back from recovery. My brain interpreted frustration and negativity as more reason to stay in protection mode, the sensations we have truly does feed off of everything it can, including exasperation. I can't tell you how many times in my 8 years of DP/DR that I've been totally at the end of my rope with this shit.
> 
> ...


Thanks, Selig. My psychiatrist told me something similar....
I've always had a bit of a hard time just accepting DP though because it feels like giving up.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I hear ya I'm done with this disorder!


----------



## gygjghbj (Sep 26, 2013)

We're on the same boat, friend. And frankly marijuana use worsened my state of DP. I feel the exact same numbness. I hope to overcome it some day.


----------



## MissLana (Jan 12, 2014)

I smoked marijuana and triggered my DP/DR which has lasted for four months so far. Let me tell you a secret.

My first three months were terrible. I was seeing 2D vision, felt like a floating orb without a body, a robot, and everything was so blurry and flat and bizarre looking.

But, I was convinced that the THC had to leave my system, and my brain had to re-wire and heal some neurotransmitters, and, I'd be set.

Never in my mind did it occur to me that this could last half a year, or a year, or anything beyond that. I was 100% convinced that I had nothing to worry about because this would all pass.

I managed to get about 10 - 15% away from being back to 100%, and then, what did I do?

I went on google and I googled DP and DR and saw that many people had it for 10+ years, some, even longer. This scared my brain SO much. I was seeing like .5% - 1% improvements EVERY DAY, and was so full of hope that this was going to go away, and then...

Well, then, I let my brain get into thinking that this was forever. And guess what? My symptoms got worse. Much worse. I'm no longer 10% away from being cured. But you know what? At least I know that I was that close in the first place just by believing in it so freaking much.

I almost wish I never did that google search that night. I had a massive panic attack, got tachycardia, hyperventilated, and flipped the hell out, imagining being stuck with this forever. And, it got worse. But God, do I miss that 10% away from being normal feeling? Hell yes, I do.

My hope for recovery kind of died like a kid's faith dies in Santa Clause. But I really, really, really regret ever doing those stupid google searches, that night. I wish I could go back to telling myself that this will pass, because when I told myself that, I'd get better every single day. But now, knowing that I may have this for years and years... I just don't know if I can stop dwelling on that fact. It sucks.


----------

