# why is my boyfriend pushing me away



## mysticself (Jul 31, 2008)

hi my boyfriend suffers from dp and dr very badly, and he has started to push me out. he recently cheated on me and since then he hasn't been the same. he says he still loves me but he needs space. everything was fine two weeks ago, he was coping quite well with it and we were still close. then he slept with his ex and started drinking whilst being on his medication, he also hasn't slept properly and not been eating well. i'm really worried about him as he turned around completely, he said his dp has been worse than ever. he is staying at his exes in her spare room, so he hasn't got his books and own belongings around him. i want to be there for him as we were two weeks ago as he seemed a lot better then. i don't what to do, i have been there for him for so long now that is hard not to be there for him now. i love him so much and just want to help like any other person would. please can anyone give me advice
thank xxxx


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Hey this is a tough one to give advice on.

i can relate to the pushing away thing, with dp/anxiety everything feels smothering. Infact id go weeks without seeing my bf as u feel so trapped, it took me a while to realise but its not THEM that makes u feel trapped.

Anxiety can also make you do some pretty silly things, and cause erratic behaviour, like ive had compulsions of wanting to do extreme things, like cheating (never done it tho) extreme sports etc, anything to make u feel like u can break out this thing

Thing is you still know what you're doing with dp, so the fact he did actually cheat has got to be pretty hurtful. I really dont want to comment too much on it as its not my place too.

I guess the only thing you CAN do is respect his wishes, or write him a letter and tell him how u feel, speech doesnt mean much to u when ur dp'd.

Im sorry ur having a shit time too. Go out and do something u enjoy and leave him to it for a bit. It will be draining for u too. Just let him know u are there if he needs you.

Not sure what to say about him sleeping at his exes though?! Thats not cool...

Robs x


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Wow that is a toughie.
I think a lot of people become so exasperated and feel so hopeless they become nihilistic for a while. "F everybody and F everything what?s the point. I might as well go down in flames." Drinking provides temp. relief. Hangovers make DP worse, so, you start drinking again.

He could be using his DP to behave like an ass. I have done that many times.

I agree with Robsy (whoever you are), if you take out DP it is a basic relationship question.

Things are not even between you. You love him and care for him - he sleeps with his ex and stays at her house. 
All I can say is what I would do, other than just move on. I would wait until he has "burned through" whatever phase he is going through. If he is a good guy by nature he will turn around.

Good luck. Like Robsy says. Go out and have a good time. Nothing makes a guy want to come back more than knowing his girlfriend is out having fun. You don?t have to sleep with someone- just out. 
I am free on Friday night - tee hee.


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## Guest (Aug 8, 2008)

i have a feeling i know why he's doing this, seems like he's trying to go back to when things were normal for him, when did his dp start? was it after he left his ex? i know that when mine started i wanted things to go back to the way they were, and did everything to try and make that happen, unfortunately, here i am today. I hope everything works out between you too, ur best bet is to just confront him, people with dp are like people who sleepwalk, we need to be shaken awake.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Thats a great point Jgard.

I live in my head, but I live in Australia (whilst im present in the UK) its awful. The only thing I can think of is thats the last time i was "free". All i want to do is go back - truth is, it wont make things better, as DP stays with you, so I think it would be kind of tricking me.

So i do back up Jgard, you really just do what you thin is right with Dp, unti u learn to accept it's there....Good luck xx


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## mysticself (Jul 31, 2008)

thank you everyone for your advice. this is an old ex i think it was about ten years ago now. but it is still hard, he has had dp for about 4 months and i have been with him for five years in september. it is making me ill worrying about him and i don't think it has hit home properly what he has done. i met him the other day and he was saying sorry and everything and that he'd do anything for us to get back together, but by the end of it he said he wants to be on his own. i just don't understand why he keeps chopping and changing all the time. we were absolutely fine three weeks ago so this is such a sudden turnaround.
i just don't know how to cope with it all, i feel empty inside all the time because i don't know where i stand

 xxxxxxxx


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

That is such a good point Jgard10.
When you first get DP you do all sorts of things to be "normal" again.
Also, love takes a temporary back seat for a wile because of anxiety and depression.
Mark


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