# so my psych asked me if i heard voices...



## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

...I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what was "normal."

So I told her, "Sort of."
Then she asked me if THEY talk to ME, and I didn't know what to say.
Then she asked me if I talk to THEM, and I didn't know what to say.

Then she asked me if THEY talked to EACH OTHER, and I giggled out loud. Although I think I did more cause it made me nervous. I don't know what's "normal" voices. I mean, I get spontaneous images in my mind sometimes that are so vivid that they distract me from what I'm doing. The images are nothing I've ever seen, but places or people that I don't know. As for actual voices, I certainly don't feel alone in my head, but...oh I don't know. Just this past weekend, I was laying down with my boyfriend. He was asleep, and I was just awake but with my eyes closed, resting. Suddenly I got an image of a girl and was telling me "Why don't you go to the other side?" It wasn't my voice, it just happened...out of nowhere.

How do I know if I should mention them to my psych, and how? How do I know it's not just my imagination.


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

From my understanding all psychs ask this question. It's just an evaluation. As for the girl you saw or whatnot, that was more than likely just your imagination running wild. With schizo (which is what shes reffering to) you would interact with the voices and you wouldn't wonder where they came from or how you though them. They just "are".


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

Da said:


> From my understanding all psychs ask this question. It's just an evaluation. As for the girl you saw or whatnot, that was more than likely just your imagination running wild. With schizo (which is what shes reffering to) you would interact with the voices and you wouldn't wonder where they came from or how you though them. They just "are".


Well, I actually SAW a little girl in my room when I was...18ish. I never once questioned she wasn't real. She was just...in my room, out of nowhere, playing with some of my things. I SAW her.


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

Were you very very tired or on any drugs? I remember a night when I was so sleep deprived I saw a ghost of an of Army patriot in his blue coat. His face seemed blurry but I could see his outline. Have you had any other hallucinations?


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

Da said:


> Were you very very tired or on any drugs? I remember a night when I was so sleep deprived I saw a ghost of an of Army patriot in his blue coat. His face seemed blurry but I could see his outline. Have you had any other hallucinations?


No, no drugs, wasn't sleepy or tired.

She was playing with an old box of stickers and stuff that I had from when I was younger. It was stored, and I never took it out. But when I saw her, her and the box were by my bed, and she was MOVING the little pieces and stuff. I never knew how the box got there. When the girl vanished, the box was still on the floor where she left it.

I've sort of hallucinated, perhaps. One of my old friends used to have a "haunted" house, and I helped to rid him of the spirits. Stuff like that, nothing concrete-seeming like the little girl.


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

flowingly said:


> ...I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what was "normal."
> 
> So I told her, "Sort of."
> Then she asked me if THEY talk to ME, and I didn't know what to say.
> ...


It took me until i was sixteen years old to realize i've been hearing voices all my life . They started when i was about 3 or 4. I would often have images/visions in my head along with them, of strange people and places and things i can't even describe. I think i thought it was pretty normal my whole life, because it's been going on since i was so young. Or at least, i didn't think i was "hearing Voices" because they weren't external, as if someone was in the room with me. They sounded more like they were coming from speakers inside my ears.
Whenever psychiatrists had asked me in the past "do you hear voices or see things" I would always say no.

So...i went years, thinking i was "normal", and always being amazed when hearing stories of my grandmother and aunt who were schizophrenic. I would think to myself "How aweful that they had to go through that" not even knowing that i was experiencing it myself. Again, i always thought that to be concidered "hearing voices", they had to be completly external. I was wrong...voices can come in many forms.

Anyways, what made me realize i was hallucinating, was durring my first trip to the psych ward (I was suicidal and cutting myself..that's why i was there) After talking to other kids in the hospital who had hallucinations, i slowly began to realize i was too...and that they were getting worse.

Most of the voices i hear these days are inside my head, like the way i hear my own thoughts, only they are not my thoughts. I can't predict them or control them. Most of the time, it is a bunch of backround noise--like 10 or 20 voices talking at once. voices of men and women. And usually i can't really make sense of what they are saying. But sometimes one or two or three voices will come out and talk about me or tell me to do things. Sometimes i hear them screaming or laughing, or singing.
The other week, i heard some girl telling me her name was "katie or Katrina" ...guess she couldn't make up her mind.
It's strange, because when i am having episodes of hearing these voices in my head, i get this strange sick feeling. It's hard to describe, but it's kind've like nausea.

Also, when i pass by people on the street or when im driving, they put their evil thoughts into my head--telling me i'm powerless and they are going to get me, or "ha ha ha, sucker!: stuff like that...so it's like i have telepathy (actually, i think i do) and sometimes i can feel people pulling my thoughts away from me.

This feeling of not being alone in your head...have you always had that feeling, or is it something new? Everyone has their own inner dialogue and it;s normal for people to play out conversations and arguements with other people in their head. The difference between this and voice hearing, is you have control over these "voices of other people" you make them say what you want them to say, so it's just part of your own thoughts.

I think you should mention all this to your psych. Also, the voices and visions you get when your eyes are closed and you are resting... I have the same kind of things. The voices and images i hear get much louder and more clear when i am closing my eyes, resting or about to fall asleep. i've heard that this can be somewhat normal, then again, i've heard that it's not. So i don't know. It;'s really confusing me!

well, good luck..sorry this reply was so long. I hope i didn't cause more confusion.

-becka


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

But, I don't make them say what I want. They just ... happen. Sometimes if I listen really carefully, I hear people talking but I can't make out what they're saying. The images have been happening for years. They come out of nowhere, at any time, and feel like they're happening right in front of me: I get lost in them for a second or so.

Like one time, all of a sudden I'd "see" an image of a man right up close to my face, just looking at me. Mostly it's people, but sometimes other things.


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

flowingly said:


> [
> No, no drugs, wasn't sleepy or tired.
> 
> She was playing with an old box of stickers and stuff that I had from when I was younger. It was stored, and I never took it out. But when I saw her, her and the box were by my bed, and she was MOVING the little pieces and stuff. I never knew how the box got there. When the girl vanished, the box was still on the floor where she left it.
> ...


Do you remember if you were depressed or manic when you had this hallucination. People with severe depression or bipolar disorder can have hallucinations.
Actually, i was diagnosed with psychotic depression before they realized i have schizophrenia...they assumed that my hallucinations and delusions were only occuring while i was depressed. But they weren't.

-becka


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

blackwinded said:


> Do you remember if you were depressed or manic when you had this hallucination. People with severe depression or bipolar disorder can have hallucinations.
> Actually, i was diagnosed with psychotic depression before they realized i have schizophrenia...they assumed that my hallucinations and delusions were only occuring while i was depressed. But they weren't.
> 
> -becka


No, that was before my DP started. I wasn't depressed or manic. I mean, I was sad and worried, but not depressed like it affected my life or anything.


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

..here is a really good description of hearing voices that i found...

It's on mentalhealth.org I'd post the link, but i dont know how.

hope it helps.

"
"What is it like to hear voices?

It is difficult to explain what it is like to hear "voices", particularly if you have never heard voices yourself. However, the experience of hearing voices is not as alien an experience as it is generally thought to be. Firstly, it may be the same as hearing a voice in the normal way through your ears, the difference being that the "voice" has no physical cause - but like normal voices, there is variety and every experience has its differences. You may think you have never experienced this, but are you sure? You may have had the experience of hearing someone call your name only to find that there is no one there. Indeed, research shows that especially for people recently bereaved, it is not an uncommon experience to hear the voice of the recently deceased person.

As well as hearing voices through the ears, people also hear voices as if they are thoughts entering the mind from somewhere outside themselves. This is not the same as a suddenly inspired idea, which people usually recognise as coming from themselves, rather the thoughts are not their own and would seem to come from outside their own consciousness, like telepathy. A good example of this is the experience of recalling a rhyme or tune, which you find yourself repeating unconsciously under your breath and which keeps going through your head again and again. You can even find yourself humming it. You never took a decision to start thinking of it and it's difficult to stop thinking about it. The difference between the tune and "voice thought" which appears as words in your mind is that it may go on to speak coherently to you and even engage you in conversation. You, yourself are not responsible for it and you have no idea what this "voice" is going to say next.

There are many different ways to hear voices. Voices can be experienced in the head, from outside the head or even in the body. It may be one voice or many voices. The voice may talk to you or about you. There are other ways to hear voices, some of them make the phrase "hearing voices" a poor description and perhaps one day we will have to come up with a better one - because it is never the same for everyone. Some people for instance, experience non verbal thoughts, images and visions, tastes, smells and touch. All with no physical cause and all sensations they didn't call into being themselves. Voices can be like dreams, we all dream and experience words, images and even sensations. When we are bored we can drift off and have a short dream. When we dream all sorts of strange things can happen to us, but we still believe they're really happening to us. Hearing voices can be like that - a waking dream - but something that is experienced as real. For voice hearers, the voices might be present all day and have the effect of preventing them from doing things in their daily life. Voices might also punish the voice hearer if they don't do what the voice wants them to do. For example; leaving a party on their say so; not being able to talk about the voices; becoming silent and as a result isolated from other people."

-becka


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

Thank you for the article. It wasn't until i got to the end of the article that I started thinking it wasn't just .. my imagination. I get "told" to do things sometimes, and that if I don't, bad things will happen, so I do them. Little things though, like washing a fork I just washed or they will keep pestering me and making me feel bad. I used to think it was OCD, but it's always something different. So I don't know. I'll just make a note to actually mention it to the psych. I've just been so afraid that if I open up too much I will get hospitalized or sent to an institution or something. Plus, the demands I hear aren't all the time, only sometimes. Thanks for the article, though. i might bring it in with me on my next visit.


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

flowingly said:


> Thank you for the article. It wasn't until i got to the end of the article that I started thinking it wasn't just .. my imagination. I get "told" to do things sometimes, and that if I don't, bad things will happen, so I do them. Little things though, like washing a fork I just washed or they will keep pestering me and making me feel bad. I used to think it was OCD, but it's always something different. So I don't know. I'll just make a note to actually mention it to the psych. I've just been so afraid that if I open up too much I will get hospitalized or sent to an institution or something. Plus, the demands I hear aren't all the time, only sometimes. Thanks for the article, though. i might bring it in with me on my next visit.


Glad the article helped. It helped me a lot too to understand more

If you want my opinion, it does sound like you are hearing voices. What you have described sounds pretty much identical to what i experience. Things like the voices telling you to wash a fork and such or bad things will happen. I get that kind of thing all the time..: the voices telling me to do this and that. Saying things that make no sense and such.

I also get those imgages/visions like you descibed, but i've had less of them lately. I had a particularly bad episode that went on and off for about a year when i was about 13. On and off, durring the day, i would suddenly get all kinds of strange images (people/places, undescribable things) It wasn't exactly like i was seeing things in this world, but like i was seeing into another demension. Anyways, i would always get this horrible, strange sick feeling along with these images, and i'd have to lay down for a few minutes. I still get the sick feelings, like when i hear voices, but it is thankfully not nearly as bad as it use to be.

don't worry, they aren't going to hospitalize you for this stuff by itself. The only way they can do that, is if you are an immediate danger to yourself or others. And, since you are over 18, it's more your choice if you want to go to the hospital or not. I've been to the psych ward quite a few times, but only one of which was involuntary, but that was when i was still underaged. Also, even if you ever get put into a hospital, you wont be there for much longer than a week, if that. The avergae stay is about 4 or 5 days. People are more likely to be put in the hospital for being suicidal or homicidal, then they are for having hallucinations and delusions alone.

I don't hear voices all the time. Most people with schizophrenia or other forms of psychosis don't have hallucinations absolutly all the time. They usually have them quite a lot, but not necissarily all the time. When i am in an acute phase, i have them constantly for weeks and weeks, but other than that, they are more on and off. Sometimes i will go nearly a week without hearing hardly any voices. I think lots of people have the misbelief that people with psychosis are always psychotic.

-becka


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

Oh my god I get that too.

"I get 'told' to do things sometimes, and that if I don't, bad things will happen, so I do them. Little things though, like washing a fork I just washed or they will keep pestering me and making me feel bad. I used to think it was OCD, but it's always something different."

Since I was a little kid. But I never thought it was considered hearing voices cuz it's the same voice that's always in my head ya know? My own voice I guess... although sometimes I thought it was God or Satan... they would be the ones telling me to do things and if I didn't I'd go to hell. But it wasn't a scary voice or anything.

And a lot of times I can't control the voice but I always just referred to that as my "racing thoughts". [/quote]


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

Why is that quote thing at the end of my post. How do you guys quote each other? I tried to do it but couldn't figure it out so then I just put my own quotes and copied and pasted.


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

peacedove said:


> Oh my god I get that too.
> 
> "I get 'told' to do things sometimes, and that if I don't, bad things will happen, so I do them. Little things though, like washing a fork I just washed or they will keep pestering me and making me feel bad. I used to think it was OCD, but it's always something different."
> 
> ...


[/quote]

Hi peacedove,

if it is your own inner voice telling you to do these things, then it probably is more of an OCD thing. In a way, people with OCD do kind've hear voices, but it is just their own inner thoughts/voice gone out of control.

But if your hearing voices in your head that you dont know where they are coming from and they sound like someone else and such, and you can;t predict them, then that would be more of an auditory hallucination.

-becka


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

peacedove said:


> Why is that quote thing at the end of my post. How do you guys quote each other? I tried to do it but couldn't figure it out so then I just put my own quotes and copied and pasted.


there should be a little icon at the upper right corner of each post that says "quote" if you click that, then it will take you to the reply page and it will have quoted that particular post.


-becka


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

Da said:


> From my understanding all psychs ask this question. It's just an evaluation. As for the girl you saw or whatnot, that was more than likely just your imagination running wild. With schizo (which is what shes reffering to) you would interact with the voices and you wouldn't wonder where they came from or how you though them. They just "are".


Not necissarily. I'm schizophrenic, but i usually don't interact with my voices. Usually, because they are talking amongst themselves saying things that make no sense. When they do talk to me or say things about me, i will usually just sit back and listen. Only sometimes do i respond.

A lot of schizophrenics dont interact with the voices. Sometimes because they can't ( the voices don't answer them or ) or sometimes because they don't want to.

Also, i think plenty of schizophrenics, including me, wonder where the hallucinations come from. Why wouldn't we?

-becka


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Hmmm. I think you should be very careful with this. Everyone, absolutely everyone, can hallucinate. I hallucinate regularly when I have sleep paralysis, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with Schizophrenia. You can hallucinate when you are tired, intensely concentrating on something, etc, etc, and these are nothing to do with mental illness either.

When you are pouring all your mental energy into obsessing about something, especially if you're straining to 'check' if you are hearing voices or whatever, then you probably will! As Blackwinded said, this is entirely different from her experiences of Schizophrenia.

With almost any psychological complaint, they are going to ask you if you hear voices. I've been asked many, many times. It's just a tick in a box.

I don't want to get into this, because it's a sensitive issue, but I'd like to comment, or rather ask a question on this:



> When they do talk to me or say things about me, i will usually just sit back and listen.


Blackwinded, you say you don't interact with your voices, but isn't sitting back and listening to them interaction?


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

blackwinded,

The reason they kept asking me about the voices is because my grandpa was Schizophrenic, and they said it was hereditary. I remember reading about it in high school and college, but it was one of those things you think only happens to _someone else_. Then again, it could be nothing. Boy will my psych make lots of money with me, heh


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> Hmmm. I think you should be very careful with this. Everyone, absolutely everyone, can hallucinate. I hallucinate regularly when I have sleep paralysis, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with Schizophrenia. You can hallucinate when you are tired, intensely concentrating on something, etc, etc, and these are nothing to do with mental illness either.
> When you are pouring all your mental energy into obsessing about something, especially if you're straining to 'check' if you are hearing voices or whatever, then you probably will! As Blackwinded said, this is entirely different from her experiences of Schizophrenia.


I agree with Martin. You do have to be really careful with this kind of thing. Most people who are studying psychology will start over-analyzing themselves and think they have all kinds of mental disorders. When i started doing my own research, I would think i had almost every mental disorder i read about. Everyone can have mild hallucinations at times, like when they are lacking sleep or are about to fall off to sleep, but i still think this doesn't seem to be the case with you, flowingly. Sounds like you are having hallucinations while you are completly awake from what you described.
But also something to keep in mind: people who have hallucinations don't necissarily have schizophrenia...it could be depression or bipolar or PTSD, or a number of other possible causes.



> Blackwinded, you say you don't interact with your voices, but isn't sitting back and listening to them interaction?


good point, Martin. I suppose you're right. 

-becka


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

flowingly said:


> blackwinded,
> 
> The reason they kept asking me about the voices is because my grandpa was Schizophrenic, and they said it was hereditary. I remember reading about it in high school and college, but it was one of those things you think only happens to _someone else_. Then again, it could be nothing. Boy will my psych make lots of money with me, heh


One does have a higher risk of getting schizophrenia if it runs in the family, but it's not all hereditary. Or at least, they havn't proven that it is.

On my mom's side, my grandmother had it, aunt had it, uncle probably had it (but was never diagnosed) other aunt was a hypochondriac.
and on my dad's side, there is bipolar and depression. My mom has depression and my dad is bipolar.

My mom was told that i had a very low risk of becomming schizophrenic, so she never really worried about it. From what i've read, with two, probably three relatives being schizophrenic, i supposedly had about a 8 or 9% chance of getting it.
Having one grandparent with schizophrenia supposedly gives you about a 3 or 4% chance...so that's still real low. People without any family history have a 1% chance.

-becka


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## Guest (Aug 31, 2005)

If your seeing things that aren't really there or hearing voices that aren't really there on a regular basis, chances are thats Schizophrenia.


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

hmm, well either way, the things i see/hear don't affect me enough to where they disrupt my life or cause me stress. i just don't know how to explain them, i guess, so they intrigue me.


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

flowingly said:


> hmm, well either way, the things i see/hear don't affect me enough to where they disrupt my life or cause me stress. i just don't know how to explain them, i guess, so they intrigue me.


that's good,flowingly. Usually a doctor wont even make a diagnosis of a psychotic disorder unless it negativly affects your life. There are lots of people who hear voices who function just fine . If what you experience doesn't get in the way of your ability to work and care for yourself, doesn't impair cognitive functioning (like, concentration and memory) doesn't stress you out/make you depressed , or you are not out of touch with reality. ...yeah, things like that. Basically, if you can function just fine, then it's not concidered a "disorder"

unfortunatly for me, my "delusions" and paranoia hold me back in many ways (from going out in public and such). The negative symptoms are actually what makes life so hard for me (no motivation/energy, social withdrawl, flat emotions, etc.) The voices and visuals probably wouldn't hold me back from life that much if that was my only problem, but it does make it more difficult to concentrate when im hearing voices/seeing things. And the sick feelings i get with the voices are kind've disturbing. 
The hallucinations dont really stress me out or make me depressed or scared. If anything, i find them really entertaining and interesting.

-becka


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

SoulBrotha said:


> If your seeing things that aren't really there or hearing voices that aren't really there on a regular basis, chances are thats Schizophrenia.


mostly true, but hallucinations can also be involved in severe depression, severe bipolar disorder, and can sometimes accompany medical conditions, like epilepsy, brain tumors, thyroid problems, etc.

-becka


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## Luka (Aug 30, 2005)

Hmmm... I thought people with schizofrenia had an impaired reality testing, Becka. Isn't that true? Because I understand from your writing that you hear voices and see things but KNOW it really isn't there.


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

Luka said:


> Hmmm... I thought people with schizofrenia had an impaired reality testing, Becka. Isn't that true? Because I understand from your writing that you hear voices and see things but KNOW it really isn't there.


I believe you are right, but the difference is, I'm guessing, is that during a psychotic episode she doesn't realize they aren't real, but then afterwards comes to that realization.


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

Luka said:


> Hmmm... I thought people with schizofrenia had an impaired reality testing, Becka. Isn't that true? Because I understand from your writing that you hear voices and see things but KNOW it really isn't there.


actually, i do believe they are real. all of it. I just try not to sound too "delusional" when i'm talking about this stuff on forums like this, or it turns people off (i know from experience). I know i usually phrase things in ways that make it sound like i don't believe it, but that is really just to please the readers.
I am aware (as are most schizophrenics) that my beliefs ("delusions") and such are concidered strange and "crazy" to everyone else-- That doesn't mean i don't believe them to be real. and i dont see myself as crazy (i think that everyone else is just oblivious, no offense)...i don't believe i have a mental "illness" More of a mental power. I have my own definition for term "schizophrenia". I believe it is a type of ESP. The ability so see into other demensions.

If i wanted, i could rant about all the things i believe, but concidering that 'normal' people veiw my beliefs as delusions, i think that everyone on this forum would feel pretty uncomfortable responding to me, since no one else around here is schizophrenic.

I post on schizophrenic and and ESP forums sometimes. I'm much more at ease and free to talk in "delusional" ways over there.

-becka


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

Da said:


> Luka said:
> 
> 
> > Hmmm... I thought people with schizofrenia had an impaired reality testing, Becka. Isn't that true? Because I understand from your writing that you hear voices and see things but KNOW it really isn't there.
> ...


right. I'm not in an acute "psychotic" phase right now. Usually when i am, im not even on the computer (too paranoid), or if i am...i'm usually reading about things like the CIA, the government, concpiracies, and such.
I still believe in my "delusions" right now, but i don't feel as strongly paranoid and fearful and angry about them right now as i do when it gets really bad. , so i am able to control the way i phrase things much better at this point in time.

one little tip:. When i use words like, psychotic or crazy or delusions, in my posts, I almost always put quotes around them. If i don't, it's probably because i just forgot to. I do it because i feel uncomfortable calling them such names, since i believe it to be real...so i quote it , since it is something other people concider it to be--unreal.

-becka


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

How do you explain the debilitating effects of paranoia and hallucinations? Since it does hold you back and disrupt you're life why not acknowledge that this is a mental illness and make the necessary steps to try to get better. Believing in it will only make it get worse. I wouldn't call you crazy, If I was in a similar situation I might share you're view, but from the "outside" it seems as if you are only feeding the hallucinations, paranoia, etc.

EDIT: Just to make a connection, I can kind of understand. DP often makes me believe that I am privy to the knowledge that the world is either a collective dream or hallucination. I often entertain obsessive thoughts that the "real" me might exist outside of this physical realm. This is purely based on my experience of DP. I recognize however that I have to live on this planet which, for the time being, is very real despite my desire or hypotheses that would lead me to a contrary view. I also recognize that DP is scary and debilitating and the only way to get better is to accept this reality.


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## Da'Burgh (Apr 25, 2005)

Scattered said:


> I also recognize that DP is scary and debilitating and the only way to get better is to accept this reality.


Exactly. To live comfortably, you must just accept what everyday reality is, not questioning, just living.


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## Luka (Aug 30, 2005)

Thanks for the explanation, Da'Burgh and Becka!


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

Scattered said:


> How do you explain the debilitating effects of paranoia and hallucinations? Since it does hold you back and disrupt you're life why not acknowledge that this is a mental illness and make the necessary steps to try to get better. Believing in it will only make it get worse. I wouldn't call you crazy, If I was in a similar situation I might share you're view, but from the "outside" it seems as if you are only feeding the hallucinations, paranoia, etc.
> 
> EDIT: Just to make a connection, I can kind of understand. DP often makes me believe that I am privy to the knowledge that the world is either a collective dream or hallucination. I often entertain obsessive thoughts that the "real" me might exist outside of this physical realm. This is purely based on my experience of DP. I recognize however that I have to live on this planet which, for the time being, is very real despite my desire or hypotheses that would lead me to a contrary view. I also recognize that DP is scary and debilitating and the only way to get better is to accept this reality.


HI scattered,
mostly, it's the so called "negative symptoms" of schizophrenia that hold me back (lack of motivation/energy) And yeah, also the paranoia holds me back a lot--keeps me from wanting to be near people, go out in public, trusting people, etc. The "hallucinations" (voices and such) themselves wouldn't hold me back that much if that were the only thing i had. But i guess i still dont veiw myself as mentally ill just because i am not able to live a "normal" life.

I think your connection between dp and what i experience is a very good one. My dp and dr is one of the biggest reasons i have trouble telling what is real and what isn't. 
Even though dp/dr isn't concidered "psychosis", i think it is very similar because dp/dr can make you feel very unreal or make other things seem unreal.

-becka


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## Guest (Sep 3, 2005)

blackwinded said:


> Luka said:
> 
> 
> > Hmmm... I thought people with schizofrenia had an impaired reality testing, Becka. Isn't that true? Because I understand from your writing that you hear voices and see things but KNOW it really isn't there.
> ...


people may question my sanity saying this, but i am really jealous of what you're plugged into. its like there's a whole aspect to the universe that i'm just blind to. i feel defective that i can't see it.

i suppose i should be grateful that i don't see it. maybe ignorance is bliss. it still cuts me up feeling cut off.


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

Lilith000 said:


> blackwinded said:
> 
> 
> > Luka said:
> ...


lilith,

i don't think there is anything strange about that (but i don't if that means anything, coming form a 'schizophrenic')
Actually, if anything, i know how you feel. Even though i am able to hear voices , i am still really jealous of those who have these things more intense than i do. I'm especially jealous of people who are able to see things. I have mild visuals with occasional moderate ones, but i wish i had lots of REALLY BIG visual "hallucinations". I think it would be amazing. It really bugs me that i dont. I know, that sounds so stupid.

-becka


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Hmm...and hmmm again.

Just before this sinks into a schziophrenia/dp/dr/mental illness = enlightenment/super universe etc, etc, post, can I warn you that I have very strong issues with this, and, might I add, newly obtained moderator powers which are itching to be used. :twisted: But seeing as what has been written is just opinion, and everyone is being nice to each other, I find myself distinctly powerless. :evil: Can't you just start slanging each other off so I can lock this? :wink:


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

You rang?


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

OK, lessee, here....oh, yes, to the degree that you want these experiences, I think you cannot blame your biology for the illness. Instead, you can blame your desire to escape the responsibilities of life.

How's that for stirring up people's emotions?

In other words, if you desire more of your "illness," you probably don't really have the illness but are instead masquerading as mentally ill for the benefits you get from it.

And what's the bottom line? You have the ability to be free, if you so choose, and you haven't the right to complain about your symptoms, because you have admitted that you really enjoy them.

Ta ta for now. ; )


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## Lilymoonchild (Jun 18, 2005)

blackwinded said:


> flowingly said:
> 
> 
> > [
> ...


Flowingly, 
Have you ever considered that it was, in fact, a ghost? Just because we have the potential to have hallucinations doesn't mean any experience we have is the result of them. I used to think I was somewhat "sensitive" to spirits and such, and now I question what part of that is dp and what part is actual sensitivity, and how the two may or may not interact with each other. But I do still believe in ghosts, and believe that it is very possible, based on your story, that the little girl was actually an experience with one, dp aside. Just my .02 on the matter...


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Ghosts?


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

Martin is a moderator?!?!?


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

Lilymoonchild said:


> Flowingly,
> Have you ever considered that it was, in fact, a ghost? Just because we have the potential to have hallucinations doesn't mean any experience we have is the result of them. I used to think I was somewhat "sensitive" to spirits and such, and now I question what part of that is dp and what part is actual sensitivity, and how the two may or may not interact with each other. But I do still believe in ghosts, and believe that it is very possible, based on your story, that the little girl was actually an experience with one, dp aside. Just my .02 on the matter...


actually, i have. but when i speak of her in that manner, i get even stranger looks.


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

Sojourner said:


> OK, lessee, here....oh, yes, to the degree that you want these experiences, I think you cannot blame your biology for the illness. Instead, you can blame your desire to escape the responsibilities of life.
> 
> How's that for stirring up people's emotions?
> 
> ...


hmm, to whom was that directed?


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## flowingly (Aug 28, 2005)

blackwinded,

actually, i'm kind of intrigued and curious- what do you see and hear? i won't pass judgement or any such thing.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

> You rang?


 :lol:


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## blackwinded (Jul 31, 2005)

flowingly said:


> Sojourner said:
> 
> 
> > OK, lessee, here....oh, yes, to the degree that you want these experiences, I think you cannot blame your biology for the illness. Instead, you can blame your desire to escape the responsibilities of life.
> ...


....i think it was directed at me?

but i don't really agree with the statement. If you want to get technical about it, schizophrenia is different from the average mental illness because it is "true insanity" and many people who are concidered to be truely insane, usually don't believe they are "insane", but that everyone else is crazy, or something along those lines. And they will usually concider their 'symptoms' to be a gift.
I post on some schizophrenia forums, and i am deffinatly not the only schizophrenic that enjoys some of my symptoms. It's real common in schizophrenia, from what i've seen anyways. Almost every schizophrenic i've talked to has told me that once they started medication and the voices and such went away, they had a very hard time adjusting because they missed hearing the voices.

But there are things i don't like. Derealization sucks, that's for sure. Paranoia can be a drag, because it prevents me from doing a lot of things that are expected in life (for example: going out in public, making friends)
I got a similar comment on another forum one time. That i "have no right to complain about my symptoms if i have admitted that i enjoy them" The thing is, i am not complaining about my symptoms: not the voices and visions that is. I am simply talking about them and interested in talking to others who have them.

This all started when i was very young. It wasn't something i created for myself because i liked it. I was 3 or 4 when i started hearing voices and i wasn't even thinking about it at the time. They weren't friendly voices either.
And the other problems i experienced throughout my childhood were not anything i enjoyed either (problems making friends, getting good grades, etc.) back then, i felt extreamly ashamed about all these things. I felt just plain stupid.

But i agree with sojourner that i'm not really "mentally ill" but i don't agree that i am just trying to escape reality and the responsibilities of life. Number one, i think i have become more aware of reality and what the world is really all about. number two: i am usually just beating myself up because i am not able to live up to life's responsibilties, like having a job. So why would i do it on purpose?. I wish so much that these things didn't get in the way of me being able to work and go to school and concentrate and remember things, etc, etc. Not being able to do these things doesn't make me feel good at all. It's hearing voices and things like that which make me feel good.

-becka


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Becka et al.,

I was just tongue-in-cheekly being accommodating to Martin by saying something outrageous!


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