# Perceptual Shifts



## Guest (Jun 28, 2010)

So one part of recovery that I did not experience the first time around with dp but have had this time are perceptual shifts. It's hard to explain them unless you are having them but it feels like there is someone with a finger in your brain, just running it back and forth over your nerve endings and causing all kind of weird sensory, visual, and perceptual shorts. Today has been bad for me in this aspect. I'm having massive irrational anger all of a sudden. I have had two major dp disorientation episodes today (didn't know who or where I was). My limbs have felt really heavy. Now I'm in a rage. This sucks.

Anyone else deal with these on the road to recovery?


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2010)

tinyfairypeople said:


> So one part of recovery that I did not experience the first time around with dp but have had this time are perceptual shifts. It's hard to explain them unless you are having them but it feels like there is someone with a finger in your brain, just running it back and forth over your nerve endings and causing all kind of weird sensory, visual, and perceptual shorts. Today has been bad for me in this aspect. I'm having massive irrational anger all of a sudden. I have had two major dp disorientation episodes today (didn't know who or where I was). My limbs have felt really heavy. Now I'm in a rage. This sucks.
> 
> Anyone else deal with these on the road to recovery?


I'm similar but a little different. I'm different because I use my own will to make changes happen in my brain. But I've been doing it all along for 7 years and I'm just not as confident that I can choose to change something that makes it all magically go away. Lately I just don't know where to turn, and that is a major set back. It's like if there was a way out then I would have already found it. That's how I feel about it anyway.


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## FoXS (Nov 4, 2009)

tinyfairypeople said:


> didn't know who or where I was). My limbs have felt really heavy. Now I'm in a rage. This sucks.
> Anyone else deal with these on the road to recovery?


what? this doesnt sound like recovery, haha. i know this too, so if this really is recovery, i'd prefer not to recover.


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## pancake (Nov 26, 2009)

tinyfairypeople said:


> [..]perceptual shifts. It's hard to explain them unless you are having them but it feels like there is someone with a finger in your brain, just running it back and forth over your nerve endings and causing all kind of weird sensory, visual, and perceptual shorts. Today has been bad for me in this aspect. I'm having massive irrational anger all of a sudden. I have had two major dp disorientation episodes today (didn't know who or where I was). My limbs have felt really heavy. Now I'm in a rage. This sucks.


I am not sure if what I am describing below is part of DP or just pathological old me. I do get sudden shifts in emotions/perception of world around me which come on randomly.

I do get a kick out of *blissing out* suddenly (I notice every detail around me, everything is significant, I am hyper primed, have near total recall, colours really pop, everything is in sharp relief, my chest feels like I am about to explode, everything slows & I feel pretty dandy despite the dissolving feeling [I guess this is one of those moments where "reality testing intact" gets strechted taught as I feel at one with the universe *roll eyes* I am such an idiot)

The *rages* on the other hand are killing me. They're so intense I feel like my IQ goes down a few notches. I can't empathize with others at all, I turn into a right ego maniac. It 's my way or the highway and if you disagree I'll scream. All of this is so ritualistic I don't know what I am doing while I am doing it and afterwards I only remember blurry flashes of it all. I am slowly ruining my private life. Fuck.


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2010)

FoXS said:


> what? this doesnt sound like recovery, haha. i know this too, so if this really is recovery, i'd prefer not to recover.


Maybe you're right. Maybe they are just dp. The thing is that they stop when my dp is really bad and I'm under a lot of stress in my life. Then they start again when I am starting to feel better. I actually have a lot of moments where I reconnect to reality while these happen. Tommygunz said he had these when he was recovering. I don't know. They are hard to deal with.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Don't fight it just go with it


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

Thanks for talking about anger. I've definitely gotten it in big, weird bursts over the last couple of weeks, and I think having been numb for so long makes it harder to deal with--I'm used to dealing with almost no feelings except the constant, galvanizing fear that I've had since the dp started, and something this human is tough to know what to do with. My anger tends to sweep me up and carry me, then go away again and leave me kind of numb again. But the anger and the "kind of" both are good signs, I think, even though they're unfun.


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