# panic/anxiety/depersonlization



## msbeccaboo22 (Jan 26, 2013)

Hi everyone my name is Becca im 22 years old i have suffered anxiety and pannic attacks my whole life almost i been taking lexapro for about 8 years and sometimes i get these feelings where "Hey your feeling so much better you can skip your doses and go off of your meds" and everytime I do this it catches up with me and I go into a big blown anxiety panic attacks that last long periods of times.. well I have recently done it again i went off the meds well went down to 10 mg was on 30mg crazy i know! but i got myself in gear and headed to the doctor and explained what i have done they put me on clonxpam .5 twice a day i was so happy!!! finnaly ill be cured again also lexapro 10mg! cause he said it would cause to much on my brain to higher it ... so i took it about a week the first dose was fine but from then on out about 2 hrs after taking it I would cry for hours missing my life in my family my friends i was so independent! i miss it now im a big mess! so i went to the er and they stopped the clonxpam that has worked for me before but has failed me this time and put me on advan .5 twice a day im scared of medcine and i only take the advan when i feel i strongly need it because im afraid i will do things that i wont remeber while on it. it is so hard for me to get out of bed in get myself together just to sit in bed all day i cant stop obbsessing over everything and i am also having depersonlization i feel like at any minute im gone forget who i am who my family is who my fiance is just forget everything i walk in bathroom in feel like i dont remeber it and it scares me so bad when i go bed at night this has calmed down some but not alot i think i get up in do stuff but i know that i didnt then BAM! scared again i went to pick up a scrip and i asked my fiance if i was dreaming he dosn't take it serious but i am serious it dont feel real to me i want it to stop! im stuck been this way for 2 weeks now and my lexapro was upped back to 20mg this week so i been back on lexapro everyday faithful for 2 weeks one week was 10mg this week 20mg i have over came this before but it feels like it will never leave and i have weird thoughts that im gone lose my mind and do something really crazy! i tell myself its just a thought ive tryed so many things i just want it to go away! so bad and the anxiety says you dont need that advan its not working its making you worse. sorry for long post but i need help to ease my mind its scary also i been having foggy vision that scares me but i deal with it cause theres nothing i can do its hard for me to skleep because i know when i wake up it will be awful i wake in panics sweating scared alone i hate when my fiance gets out bed cause i feel safe when he beside me please any advice am i gone mad or will it get better i know it takes time it feels like forever!! in ever .. sorry for mis spelled words hope someone understands =(


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## arar (Oct 30, 2012)

Hi Becca. I hear you and understand completely how you are feeling. These scary feelings will go away. You are OK. That's important not to make more out of it than is really there. Just breathe, relax and do the things that you enjoy doing. Whatever that is. OK?


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## msbeccaboo22 (Jan 26, 2013)

thanks i tell myself that everyday it just feel's like days n nights come on go so fast like im getting no where


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## SamodrotAgressivoDrot (Nov 16, 2011)

"Just breathe, relax and do the things that you enjoy doing. Whatever that is. OK?" i would add: (not sure it helps) better not to do things that panic/anxiety wants you to do


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## msbeccaboo22 (Jan 26, 2013)

it's hard do what i want i have isolated myself in the house im scared of everything


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## JJ70 (Nov 1, 2010)

Becca, your in a bit of a mess girl, I've been there I know what its like. The advice above is pretty sound. However with some people the drugs can be a lot of extra help. Did the clonazepam just leave you tearful or did it help with the anxiety first?

Be assured your not alone and can get better.


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## msbeccaboo22 (Jan 26, 2013)

it helped the first day then after that all it did was make me cry the advan seems to be working better though and i am in a mess i just tell myself it will take time i will get better but its upsetting because i hate the feeling of the depersonlization it sucks i think i could mange better once my chemical imbalance get strightned out with my lexapro in everything


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## JJ70 (Nov 1, 2010)

How are you getting on with the Lexapro. SSRI's can make you worse at first (some SSRI's some people never take to). Surprised about the clonazepam, most people find it pretty pleasant and effective for anxiety (then again were all different).

Keep your chin up hun.


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## msbeccaboo22 (Jan 26, 2013)

lexapro seems to be doing better in clonxpam used to work for me i was on it before for 2 yrs in went through bad withdraw i thought it would have helped this time but my body reacted diffrent to it my leaxapro is at 20 mgs i been on 20mgs for a week now in i got back to see my doctor on the 12th so maybe he will up it back to 30 that im use to being on and i try to fight as much as i can with out the advan I take it about 7pm at night .5 just one pill a day because i dont want to depend on it


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## JJ70 (Nov 1, 2010)

Are you talking about Lorazepam??


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## msbeccaboo22 (Jan 26, 2013)

yes im sorry


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## JJ70 (Nov 1, 2010)

No problem; like you said your not at your best (been there many years ago), I should think most people reading will fully understand...chin up girl 

I don't give advice on medication, although I will share my own experiences and sometimes give people "food for thought". So as your in such a bad way some things to think about as well as my own experiences, just in case it helps even a little bit.

1) Your anxiety seems to stretch to worrying about medication to an excess (this common)

2) I have found dependency on SSRI's to be much worse than dependency on benzo's like Lorazepam (note addiction and dependency are commonly an individual thing and can relate to personality and possibly genetics as well.)

3) You say you have been suffering "almost your whole life".....(the suffering you describe I have experience of..although nobody is likely to be exactly the same...but it is horrendous and life destroying...in the short term at least)

4) Some food for thought; taking the above into account.....Is it not possible that dependency on Lorazepam should be the last of your worries???? (not saying this is true; just asking you to think about it.....a risk I had to decide on myself once)

5) Is it possible the Lorazepam could give you the breather you need to make some clear decisions?

Just food for thought. Will say a prayer for you hun; I hope the anguish goes away.

Just to say again.....yes you can get better.

Stay strong.

JJ


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## msbeccaboo22 (Jan 26, 2013)

Thank you very much I have over came this before back in 2007 i should stayed on my meds i wont ever do that again!! im always going to therpy once a week now and i was going once a month and doctor im seeing once a month was seeing every 3 mos ... I will get back on my feet I have to win this and thanks so much for prayers I am learning to hand god all my worries or give me stregth to fight them and i pray so much i love god ! he is truely my saviour ty so much!! god bless! =)


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## JJ70 (Nov 1, 2010)

I'm logging of in a minute - you stay strong for tonight.



> I have to win this and thanks so much for prayers I am learning to hand god all my worries or give me stregth to fight them and i pray so much i love god ! he is truely my saviour ty so much!! god bless!


Word of advice that may help before I go. If your a religious person, scan through the forum and pick someone at random who is suffering too; then say a prayer for them.

Then if you pray for yourself; ask for noting more than the strength to beat this; apologise that you are going to need to look after yourself more than others for a little while.

And when you are better come back on here (if only once) and offer support to someone else. But leave it till you are better.

Be strong.

JJ


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## msbeccaboo22 (Jan 26, 2013)

I always pray for everyone and i plan on helping other when i become well enough thank you for talking to me its a big relief knowing your not alone =) tc


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## flat (Jun 18, 2006)

Try not to be cooped up in your room too much. If you have a dog take it for a walk or go for walks with a friend or family member if you can't go by yourself. Fresh air and exercise can do amazing things, even if it's only for a brief while. In time make your walks more lengthy or go to a gym and walk on a treadmill for an hour. Everytime I do that I feel alot better physically and emotionally.


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## msbeccaboo22 (Jan 26, 2013)

thankyou i will have to try that not having such a good day today to do it though


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