# hi there!19 years old, had dp for 5 years



## daniblore (Nov 30, 2013)

hello I'm new to the forum and thought I would introduce myself and share my story with depersonalisation. My name is dani, I'm a 19 year old girl from the UK 

It all started when I was 14 years of age. I was settling down in bed getting ready to go to sleep one night when I suddenly had this HUGE wave of panic, everything felt so different and not real at all. It felt like I was in a dream and couldn't tell the difference. I ran into my mothers room and she told me not to be silly and to go to bed. I didn't sleep at all that night. I wrote in my diaries as a teenager about my experience and looking back reading them it makes me want to cry. Since that night it hasn't gone away. I have it 24/7, and it intensifies when I have anxiety attacks. The only reason I can think of why I am feeling depersonalisation is because I had a pretty traumatic childhood. I suffer from a genetic life-threatening disease called Cystic Fibrosis, which affects the lungs and digestive system etc, and there is no cure. I produce too much salt so my mucus is extra thick, which makes bacteria easier to stay in my lungs. This condition is often terminal, although I am very healthy for someone with my condition. My childhood was mainly spent in hospital though, recovering from serious lung infections many times in a year. My Father died when I was 12, which was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. My Grandmother also passed away 2 years later when I was 14 (at the same year as when I got dp). I was also abused physically and mentally by my mother from the age of 8 until about 17.My dp was so bad at one point that at my grandmothers funeral I didn't feel any emotions whatsoever and didn't cry (when I loved her dearly). The only time I ever went to the doctor about it was when I forced my mother to take me to a doctor about it. They referred me to a psychologist and they did tests etc. they said I had mild depression and severe anxiety. They never did anything about it. Years later and I feel its really affecting my life and my relationship with my boyfriend. I have anxiety attacks almost every night and i feel bad for my boyfriend because he has to stay up all night with me to help calm me down, and we're both exhausted all of the time. I can't concentrate at all, I have visual snow (not sure if anyone else gets it with dp) and its come to a point where I can't deal with it anymore, its ruining my life. nothing feels real anymore  I think I'm finally going to see someone about it and try to get REAL help, I haven't been in the past because I was scared that they wouldn't take me seriously. I would love to meet others with this, whatever it is, and I think it will make me feel much better about knowing others are going through the same, because I feel so alone.


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## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

You're not alone, and I'm glad that you came here to post your story. I've had DP since I was 11, but I recovered, and relapsed and now it's been 9 years. I think you should see a therapist. I'm seeing one and the trust me, there are therapists that know about DP and can help.


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## daniblore (Nov 30, 2013)

hello!! thank you for replying, I really think that If I come to this forum it will really help with coping and try to overcome it. Oh dear that must have been awful! has it improved much since talking to a therapist? thats good to know, its such a relief that there are some out there that know!! I'm just going to try as hard as I can to beat dp.


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## Austin18 (Nov 28, 2013)

I got it at 14 too, im 18 now. It's fucked up but ur not alone, hope u like the community here


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## seafoamwaves (Sep 20, 2013)

daniblore said:


> Oh dear that must have been awful! has it improved much since talking to a therapist? thats good to know, its such a relief that there are some out there that know!! I'm just going to try as hard as I can to beat dp.


I've only been to group sessions with my family, but Ive talked about DP with the therapist and I think she can help me, I scheduled a session to be by myself in a couple of weeks.

I personally believe my DP has gotten worse, because I used to not be so emotionally numb, but I'm trying to plan for the future and not let it get to me.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Hey I really feel for u  ur only 19 and u got it 5 years ago !! I really feel sorry for the members on here who get it at such young ages


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## Keepinitkash (Dec 13, 2013)

I've been suffering from DP since high school as well and I can completely relate. I'm 20 years old in college in the U.S. To this day my mom thinks I'm nuts and doesn't understand it when I say "It feels like a dream." I just joined this blog today hoping to find some help. I don't have time in my day to see a therapist but I think I'm going to make time. Is there anything you do that helps to bring you back to reality? I usually ignore those persistent thoughts. Naturally I am a deep thinker which brought on this dreadful disorder. I usually pry at questions involving existence but what brings me to feel somewhat normal is to indulge in shallow thoughts, like focusing on what my friends are doing, or being occupied with a boyfriend. Just something to get my mind off of the feeling of dreaming and unreality!!


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

Autonomic Space Monkey said:


> & some counsellors don't even believe it's a condition in it's own right. Those people could end up doing you more harm than good.


Urghh that shit annoys me so much. They deserve to suffer it for a day to see what we experience


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## Westcoast Ghost (Sep 8, 2013)

Hey welcome to the forum. I've had DPD for 4 years and I'm 20.
You should go back to that psych and see if you can get meds for your anxiety - benzos helped mine a lot when I used to have anxiety...


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