# It wasn't enlightenment



## Fearthainn (Feb 19, 2009)

Hi everyone,

I started suffering from anxiety 4 years ago. At the time I was also suffering with DP/DR, and this was possibly the most distressing period of my life. It lasted for around a year.

Looking back I think that my main problem at the time was wanting to believe that my mind couldn't be playing tricks on me; that there was something special to what I was feeling. It seemed TOO special to be something just caused by anxiety. I also believed I couldn't get back to feeling like my normal self.

Overcoming it wasn't as difficult as I imagined when I was at my lowest. It just took the "small" step of letting go. I still remember the day when I decided to stop fighting it. I was going to go on with my life, and do my best to distract myself - even if I thought distraction was just a way of keeping myself dumb when I could be pondering about life's mysteries.

And it worked. It was the start of the Summer, so I just acted like I had done all my life up until anxiety won over. I went to the beach, called my friends rather than dreading to pick up the phone, partied. This started a new chapter in my life. I slowly started enjoying myself again, eventually met a girl who I went on to marry, now have a baby daughter and moved countries.

Of course the anxiety is still there, looming - but so far I have been able to keep in control. Most importantly for me DP/DR is gone and hopefully won't come back, now that I am fully aware that they were simple byproducts of my panic.

Sorry if it seems a bit too simple and if I'm not really offering anything new here - I just wanted to let you know that there is hope for everyone suffering with this monster.


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## Whitehazel (Jun 14, 2011)

Thankyou for this post. It's really comforting









I can relate to thinking my thoughts and feelings are "too special and different" to overcome. I feel this odd sense of being enlightened and that if I go back to not caring it's like I'm just faking it! Nice to know I am not alone and there is hope.

Thank you again







keep smiling!


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## Thidwick (May 30, 2012)

Amen. I've really struggled with such thoughts - especially the thought that this is somehow too "special" to be normal anxiety. It causes one to fall into solipsism and other nasty philosophical matters. But what's going on is that your mind doesn't want to accept that it has to play by the same rules as everything else. But as you learn how to handle your anxiety and push your DP out of your mind, it will lessen and suddenly you'll find yourself experiencing things as you once did.

Great post, good to hear you're doing well.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

wow thats a great post... and its good to hear im not the only one that feels that my thoughts are just too unique to me and that theres no way i can get bak to thinking normally.. 
i too feel like i would just be playing along with the game if i was to just go along with life... 
i wonder how i never questioned such things before... and how i never noticed how weird it was to be here and alive.. 
so u are saying u no longer ponder lifes questions? things seem relatively normal? 
i have overcome alot with my anxiety... but now it comes in spurts... were i will be well for weeks and then my anxiety randomly gets bad and this follows.. and then i am in my bed hysterical and terrified again... it makes me nauseous and each thought seems to be very valid and make so much sense... 
i wonder why anything at all exists and i also feel like i jsut found out something about life that i didnt know before... 
it is truly terrifying.. !


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## Fearthainn (Feb 19, 2009)

Haha it's funny - I posted that at the beginning of this month. I was going though severe anxiety for the first time in years which reminded me about this forum. A week or so later I was back to the DP/DR world despite my post up there. I guess I sabotaged myself.

Still, I know I was right when I wrote it. This shall pass again.

But yeah I recovered from this once already and was back to my normal self for years until the current episode.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Fearthainn said:


> Still, I know I was right when I wrote it. This shall pass again.


Now that's some powerful thinking! That's how I've been thinking lately, there were times where I felt slightly better or a lot better, so I know I can still get better! Some stuff lately could've thrown me down but it didn't, I just kept my positive thinking and nothing's affected me so far!

You're doing it right xD


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Sorry to hear u are in it again .... Just wanted to ask .. Did all the existential stuff disappear and did life return to normal ... It's like I feel I have somehow gone down a path that I cannot return from ... These thoughts are hell they seem so real ... Can u tell me some of the thoughts u had ?


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## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

I don't see anything problematic with philosophizing about whatever. It's only really problematic if we dwell on the thoughts to the point where they become distressful and disrupt the normal everyday functioning we need for getting by.


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## crystal13 (Jun 19, 2011)

Fearthainn , thank you for this post. 
Good luck with your life!


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## Soundless Silence (Jul 4, 2012)

Fearless said:


> DP has nothing to do with "enlightenment", it's just another idea of the DPd therefore scared and confused mind.


This is just another one of your ideas too. Even the 'person' you perceive yourself to be is just another one of your ideas.

What is more frightening? Knowing you are on the road to Enlightenment and be at peace with it - Or believing you are suffering from a disorder which does not exist and letting it consume you, scare you and confuse your mind? "Enlightenment" is just another label, another idea. Let go of every label and every idea you've ever had, and there is no need for believing in either "DP/DR" or even "Enlightenment". But don't believe me.


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## Thidwick (May 30, 2012)

Soundless Silence said:


> This is just another one of your ideas too. Even the 'person' you perceive yourself to be is just another one of your ideas.
> 
> What is more frightening? Knowing you are on the road to Enlightenment and be at peace with it - Or believing you are suffering from a disorder which does not exist and letting it consume you, scare you and confuse your mind? "Enlightenment" is just another label, another idea. Let go of every label and every idea you've ever had, and there is no need for believing in either "DP/DR" or even "Enlightenment". *But don't believe me.*


Don't worry, I don't.


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