# unbearable feeling! please relate!



## katiej

i am in pure terror right now? its not the disconnection feeling anymore... its pure pain inside and hoplessness and fear beyond words! ... does anyone at all feel like they it is utterly terrifying to be alive? like the thought of all this is so strange? i feel here. but i feel like its all so alien. and void of meaning... i feel like i duno how i got here.. i feel like language is weird.. i feel like i cant cope in the world as its a scarey place.. the very fact that i am human scared the **** at of me! i wanna die at this point and see no way out... it feels so weird to be concious and breathing... and how did i come into the world knowing how to do all this.. wat is death. why do ppl die..? i am in pure hysterics at the moment. and nothing or no one can calm me.. because i cant run way from myself! .... anyone hu can help or relate please do!







im so frightend


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## kate_edwin

deeeeep breath.









they're just feelings, it will stop feeling like that. easier said then done while you're in the middle of it, ...... this is where mindfulness training comes in handy. i know it takes a pretty long time to kick in, but its worth trying


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## Fluke93

***** said:


> What would it help you if any of us relate?
> and besides,aftet all this time you have been on this site have'nt you saw that your symptoms are just like every one of us?
> 
> your on your own girl just like each and every one of us.
> no one know's the cure...cos no one even knows what it is and how it's happening..so you just gonna have to find out ways you solve it your self.
> AGAIN JUST LIKE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US.


Shut up you idiot.


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## Fluke93

Honestly Kate i promise you I have had all the symptoms you describe here, and it feels unbearable. Like you can't imagine how you would ever get out of this, or couldnt bare going on like this for years. But it will get better it will. And no way are you alone. Thats why this forums here. Might want to invest in something cheap that could calm you down and take the edge off. Anything from chamomile tea, to other supplements like velerian root or magnesium is said to work and it certainly helped me to be honest. If you have not already seen a pychiatrist and you really feel like you can't go on then I'd recommend seeing one to just settle the anxiety a little bit. They may even prescribe you with some benzos or something which really helped me when i was basically too scared to live. Some people don't like going down this route so its absolutely up to you.

I promise you you're not alone so don't think that. However disconnected you feel i promise you others feel the same. Hang in there Kate you can do this.







x


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## insaticiable

***** said:


> because that is what so devastating about mental disorders,most normal people don't understand them...*and that's why you really are left alone to deal with it.
> *
> I hate this sentence but I guess it's true:
> "Nobody promised us a rose garden"


Don't where you're getting your info from buddy, but this is absolutely untrue. Why on earth are there psychologists, counselors, psychiatrists TRAINED out there then? To let people suffer alone??

And the sentence you posted is actually a name of a book. A book about a young woman suffering from a severe case of schizophrenia in the 60s or 70s i believe.

There are RESOURCES out there to help guide others towards the path to recovery. No one has to suffer alone. Think a little harder before you post such bold statements dude.


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## insaticiable

***** said:


> if there is so much help around the world how come katie is suffring for 2 YEARS!and also most of other people in this forum.


Because Depersonalization Disorder is actually one of the few disorders that is treatment resistant, meaning it doesn't always respond to treatments such as pharmacological or therapeutic interventions. However, that doesn't mean that ALL of the mental disorders out there are treatment resistant as well. There are a lot of treatments out there, therapeutic or medication wise. DPD seems to be a relatively underinvestigated issue. Hopefully in the years to come, more effective treatments for this condition will arise.


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## PhoenixDown

Katie,

You will get through this. I've been through the worst absolutely terrifying shit. And I'm now living a life free of anxiety. i don't feel great, but the incredibly acute phase you are going through will pass. It will take time though. Have faith you will get through. Time is on your side.

best,

Phoenix


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## Brizia_F

Hey I advice you to not post things like this, to the fact that there's negative people
who will post a reply and will make you feel worst. Try to talk in personal conversations
with positive people from this forum. If you feel like chatting or messaging with me, do so


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## katiej

i feel like i dont really know how its possible to get thru this... cos i dont even know what anything is... like im getting sick with the feeling of terror... the actually feeling of being alive is so daunting.. im 21 and feel like i was just plonked here... the way things are is so weird.. and how it works.. and how i came to be... i dont know wat i am goin to do.. i cant be without my parents at this point... if u have any advice at all or can relate in more detail.. i would so appreciate it.. i want to dissapear at this point.... to live is so weird.. i have no self, ego, and i dunno wat im doin in this scarey place... i am not feeling spaced out anymore.. i overcame all that part.. but now im in the painful stage of feeling.. and uncontrollable crying isnt even the word. !


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## Daniel Galas

Hi Kate,
I know exactly what your going through. In high school I was getting severely socially anxious... then one night after drinking and getting high I stared at myself in the mirror of my bathroom and snap... my mind split in two. EXTREME TERROR... absolute horror. For many years I suffered from this split in my mind. I explain it to people like extreme self-consciousness to the point where there were two of me... one part of me observing and criticizing every thought in my head, and the other part of me doing the thinking. It was as if I was trying to runaway from myself which only made things worse and worse.
You'll be pleased to know that now (12 1/2 years after this experience) I'm happy and have a wife and I'm an art teacher. This is how I overcame my illness... first, the only way that I could bear even a moment of existence was to be fully engaged in an activity that seemed to unite the split in my mind. For me I played guitar. From the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed I played the blues... playing and playing all the time. I can't explain it... I'm an artist but even drawing didn't make me feel whole again... for me the guitar was all I had and I stuck to it for dear life. This made day to day life seem possible again. Second, I discovered the writings of Alan Watts and read everything of his I could... the concept of accepting everything, including NON-ACCEPTANCE, was a major break through in my thinking... this eventually lead to a coming together of the two severed parts of my mind... which GREATLY made life more bearable. The books of his that really did it for me were "The Wisdom of Insecurity", "The Way of Zen", and "Nature, Man, and Woman". Third, I found an excellent therapist... not a psychiatrist (they only prescribe medication, which can help, but isn't the only solution). My therapist was extra-ordinary because she listened and listened and listened. Eventually, after much detective work we pinpointed the major causes for my DD Disorder which stemmed from issues I experienced in early childhood. Through revisiting these experiences vicariously, crying, raging, mourning, as well as intellectually processing the causes of my suffering I was FREED!!! After 4 years of therapy, going twice a week, I completely healed the split in my mind and was whole again!
I hope this helps... I have tears in my eyes even thinking about what you're going through... but all I can say is there is a way... it's a way not without bumps in the road (God knows how hard recovery can be), but hey, I made it through to the other side and when I was where you are now I never would've thought it possible.

Sincerely,
Dan
www.danielgalas.com


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## katiej

thank you so much for your sweet reply.... im so very happy that u got out of ur pain... i am in hell right now... i cant stop crying.. i have no me.. and nothing around me makes sense.. i am lost in oblivion.. i go into a panic at the thought of the future and being a whole person without my parents.. i feel like it is so strange to be alive at all... its like i am rejecting the thought of being! ... i feel like its too surreal that i cud b real... have u had such existential issues? does the world become real again.... right now it looks like a meaningless game that i cannot comprehend!... the fact that i have a body and mind do not make sense to me... ive had panic attacks for 2 years and i have managed to control them... i am in therepy.. and it is excruitiating.. i have had to quit my job and my band because i can barely leave my room.. NOTHING and i mean NOTHING MAKES SENSE.....! if u can relate to this please let me know.. to know i could be freed would be the best news ever.. xxxx thanks


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## Whitehazel

Hi katie,

How are you feeling now? Today I am feeling the same as you were. I can't handle this


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## katiej

really bad whithazel... feel so strange.. and cant stop crying.. this is just never ending it feels... describe the way u feel x


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## whatthehell

Katej read my first post here. It's exactly to the T what you are feeling. Trust me that it gets better (slowly)


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## Kelly__

katiej said:


> i am in pure terror right now? its not the disconnection feeling anymore... its pure pain inside and hoplessness and fear beyond words! ... does anyone at all feel like they it is utterly terrifying to be alive? like the thought of all this is so strange? i feel here. but i feel like its all so alien. and void of meaning... i feel like i duno how i got here.. i feel like language is weird.. i feel like i cant cope in the world as its a scarey place.. the very fact that i am human scared the **** at of me! i wanna die at this point and see no way out... it feels so weird to be concious and breathing... and how did i come into the world knowing how to do all this.. wat is death. why do ppl die..? i am in pure hysterics at the moment. and nothing or no one can calm me.. because i cant run way from myself! .... anyone hu can help or relate please do!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> im so frightend


Hye Katie!
I feel exactly what u describe here!!!!!!! How are u now??


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## SirGalahadTheChaste

The way you are describing your emotions is extremely close to what I have been/am still feeling.

The feeling is terrible. Absolute dread. Like you want to tear all of your clothes off and run naked down the street.
I have questions like your having about life and death. It gets worst when I acknowledge my sight, especially when looking down at my hands. Feeling like I am viewing my life through some sort of screen.
Questioning what and who I am, how the world keeps running, how I have organs that are keeping me alive, how everyhting I know will end, how even close friends and family seem fake. 
Also my lack of emotional connection to anything ironically makes me the most worked up.

It's a terrible feeling, and I felt just like this for weeks on end to the point where I was going to just take whatever pills were prescribed to me. But it has slowly been getting better. 
I would like to think that a combination of the following are what are helping (granted these are all pretty standard.)

Breathing exercises help, especially doing them not just when your in a state of panic.
Eating extremely well, taking appropriate pills (B vitamins, Omega 3's)
St Johns Wort and Passionflower before bed help in making you feel a little more rational as you lay there trying to sleep.
Avoid drinking and smoking pot. Drinking brought it on for me like nothing else.
Being open about it. Letting roommates/parents/good friends know exactly what your feeling can help, if only to vent, and know that you aren't the only one aware of what your thinking.
Keep yourself distracted. Walk, be with people, have things planned, work outside, take extra shifts if your part time, be active physically.
Sleep.
Make plans that you look forward to. 
Smile, and if it's sunny, be outside!

Try your best (even with professional reassurance) to realize that you are not insane. That you are fully aware that the thoughts you are having aren't rational, 
and that when you think outside of the box, you know that you are outside of the box.

Just help your brain over this speed bump by treating it well.


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## mcb

I know how you feel! It was probably hard to type this post with your mind racing so fast? I get these thoughts a lot of the time too. My brain, which sometimes feels like a foreign brain or one that doesn't belong to me, is always asking why. From small things like, why did you say that, to big questions like why am I here and why is the universe so huge and I so small? Right now, i know these are questions that will only harm my being more, but when I'm in an episode which is most of the day, these questions are the only thing ever on my mind. You just have to try and breath, center yourself. Sometimes I say, I submit to the fact I don't know why I'm here, but who cares, the world is a beautiful place. It doesn't always work but sometimes if it's a nice day and I'm on my own it does.


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## katiej

hey kelly...ive been doing amazing up untill now ! having a bit of a set bak.. with the same feelings n thoughts coming up... its truly a struggle... how r u x


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## Guest

katiej said:


> i am in pure terror right now? its not the disconnection feeling anymore... its pure pain inside and hoplessness and fear beyond words! ... does anyone at all feel like they it is utterly terrifying to be alive? like the thought of all this is so strange? i feel here. but i feel like its all so alien. and void of meaning... i feel like i duno how i got here.. i feel like language is weird.. i feel like i cant cope in the world as its a scarey place.. the very fact that i am human scared the **** at of me! i wanna die at this point and see no way out... it feels so weird to be concious and breathing... and how did i come into the world knowing how to do all this.. wat is death. why do ppl die..? i am in pure hysterics at the moment. and nothing or no one can calm me.. because i cant run way from myself! .... anyone hu can help or relate please do!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> im so frightend


This describes perfectly what I´m going through. Albeit I may have it in a milder form. I can mostly cope, but it`s so scary and disabling. Hope these feelings will subside for you soon!


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