# Hi. New to the site.



## moonpie (Jun 26, 2014)

Hello. I'm moonpie and I'm 17 years old.

My friend showed me this site about a year ago, and I went on occasionally to read a few forums and discussions here and there, but I never made an account until now. I don't have DR anymore - I only had it for a couple of months. However, I want to share some of my experiences with it.

Sometime in August and September of last year, I was going through a difficult time with my (now ex) boyfriend. We were in the process of breaking up because I didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore - he verbally and emotionally abused me. He still wanted to be with me, and a part of me still wanted to be with him, which caused us to have many discussions and arguments about what we should do.

There was this one night where he drove me home from his house, and we ended up sitting on my front porch having another one of those discussions. I couldn't handle it anymore - I was so confused and unsure of what to do that I started feeling nauseous. All I can recall is looking up at the sky for a minute and staring at the one star that was visible (you can't see the stars that well where I live because of all the city lights). In that moment, I started feeling very detached from everything. I could still hear my boyfriend talking to me, but I couldn't understand a single thing that he was saying because none of it felt real. He didn't seem real. I didn't seem real. My house, my neighborhood, and the entire world didn't seem real. It honestly felt like I was in a dream, or a nightmare, rather. Maybe all of the stress and anxiety that I had at the time caused it, but that was my first encounter with DR.

I only remember one other time clearly where I experienced DR. I believe it was the night before Black Friday last year, and my brother and his girlfriend invited me to spend the night at their apartment so that we could go shopping early in the morning. I was feeling pretty worthless when I went over to their place - something emotionally draining happened before then. When I got to their apartment, they were smoking marijuana, which didn't surprise me. I never smoked before then because I thought drugs were the most disgusting things on the planet, but after years of being around my brother and his girlfriend while they smoked, I got used to it.

Because I was still feeling shitty and worthless when I was with them, I said, "Could I take a hit?" They looked at me like they didn't recognize me, but they said I could and showed me how to do it (they were smoking out of a bong). At that point, I didn't care about any of my morals or values because none of it mattered. I remember taking five hits, and afterwards, sitting on the couch. Just sitting. Nothing else. However, I started feeling even worse than I did before I smoked. Again, I felt detached and everything felt unreal. I don't have any experience with marijuana, so maybe it was just the effects of it, but I still felt that way even after I was "high." I think the weed was some kind of trigger for my DR, and, boy, did it ruin my Black Friday shopping.

After seeing a therapist for a couple of months, I slowly started getting better until I didn't have DR anymore. I'm still somewhat depressed, but I'm happy to say that I am in touch with reality now.

This is a great site, and I hope to contribute to it.

Best of luck to everyone.


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## moonpie (Jun 26, 2014)

SolomonOrlando said:


> Welcome to the site, moonpie.  I'm glad you're feeling better and got out of a situation that was causing you grief.
> 
> It's interesting because you mention that you looked up at the sky and stared at one star; that's actually how I received my dissociation - well, at least that's when I first noticed it. I was at a drive-in movie theater with my (now ex) girlfriend and we were watching this movie on that huge screen they have. I turned my head for a moment and looked up at one, single star and suddenly everything around me felt incredibly odd. People seemed unreal, my family felt unreal, my girlfriend felt unreal. In fact, I remember it being so daunting that, right as I felt it, I asked my mother if she felt it too.
> 
> So weird you brought up the star thing because I, too, have felt that way and it's intriguing to find someone else who has experienced the same thing. In any case, though, welcome to the site and thanks for sharing your story.


Thank you for the welcome, Solomon. c: And, yes, that is intriguing.


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## RonnieK (Jun 27, 2014)

Wow... I've had DP for 43 years (on and off). My first vivid memory of DP was that I was lying in bed at 7 years old, looking around the bedroom and the good ole DP flood came washing across my mind... "this is not my home, this is weird". What a &^%[email protected]#!

The upside is that it's caused me to be one heck of a workaholic! The downside is.... not a minutes rest, no 'peace', no relaxation (unless I'm under the influence). I always thought it was depression or anxiety. Two weeks ago, I dug into Google and finally put the name to it. At least in some way, we have an excuse for being a bit 'edgy'.

I feel badly for so many that haven't been as lucky as I have in dealing with it. Kudos to this site.


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## moonpie (Jun 26, 2014)

RonnieK said:


> Wow... I've had DP for 43 years (on and off). My first vivid memory of DP was that I was lying in bed at 7 years old, looking around the bedroom and the good ole DP flood came washing across my mind... "this is not my home, this is weird". What a &^%[email protected]#!
> 
> The upside is that it's caused me to be one heck of a workaholic! The downside is.... not a minutes rest, no 'peace', no relaxation (unless I'm under the influence). I always thought it was depression or anxiety. Two weeks ago, I dug into Google and finally put the name to it. At least in some way, we have an excuse for being a bit 'edgy'.
> 
> I feel badly for so many that haven't been as lucky as I have in dealing with it. Kudos to this site.


Glad to know that you've found a way to deal with it.  Keep it up.


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## Noooooope (Jun 25, 2014)

I hope I have the short term version too.. I hope this goes away it's scary. How did yours go away? Was it gradually?


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## Edis (Sep 9, 2011)

Hi guys it does go away read about fearless you have this due to emotional abuse
You split into 3 ego states victim persecutor and rescuer Harris Harrington and
Fearless are correct you are living or dealing with some form of narcissist abuse
From a toxic relationship or from a parent.If you live with someone with narcissist abusive
Ways you need to deal with the no contact route the best book you can buy on this is
Narcissist lovers coping and moving on.


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## moonpie (Jun 26, 2014)

Lina2014 said:


> I hope I have the short term version too.. I hope this goes away it's scary. How did yours go away? Was it gradually?


Well, my ex boyfriend always made me feel really anxious and nervous, so I think that's where it started. After I broke up with him and pushed him out of my life, things got better. However, I had to go to several therapy appointments to talk things out and get help, but, after being able to manage my anxiety well, I slowly started getting better.

I still have some problems that were triggered by that stupid relationship, but, yeah, my recovery was gradual. I just had to cut out the source of most of my anxiety in order to get better.

Try to keep your head up. Believing in yourself will take you a long way.


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