# My experience of DP



## dave_81 (Apr 5, 2006)

Hello everyone --

I'm new here and just wanted to give people the basics about me. I'm 24, live in the UK, have just graduated from university, and have been suffering from depersonalization for about 10 years. It (the depersonalization) started after I went through a traumatic event when I was 15. I was fine until about 2 or three months after the event occurred; it was then that I started to experience depersonalization. (I don't suffer from derealization.) The best way I can describe my depersonalization is to say that my sense of self is radically altered; it's as though there no longer is an inner nucleus which is 'me.' Another way I can describe it is to say that it feels as though two parts of my sense of self are 'out of synch' or not 'aligned' properly; that I'm no longer a single, unified person; that I'm detached from my own thoughts -- forever stuck in a permanently altered state of consciousness (another way of putting this would be to say that my consciouness is no longer unitary); in short, I have ceased to exist as a unified, whole individual. My depersonalization is a stable phenomenon; it never gets any worse or any better -- it just stays the same.

I also suffer terribly from anxiety; but I'm not anxious about anything in particular: it's anxiety integral to the altered state of consciousness I'm stuck in. I also suffer from depression -- depression over being permanently depersonalized (among other things). Well, that about sums up my depersonalization hell. I was wondering if anyone here could empathise with what I've just written? Can anyone recognise my descriptions of what depersonalisation feels like? I did the best I could but it's just so damned hard to pin down exactly what depersonalization feels like; it's such an elusive (but devastating) thing. Also, has anyone's depersonalization ever been cured? And if so, how? My psychiatrist said that an experimental treatment for depersonalization involves giving suffers epilepsy medication. Has anyone ever tried it? If so, to what effect?

Thanks in advance to anyone who manages to read all of this long, garbled post.

Best,

Dave_81


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## dave_81 (Apr 5, 2006)

...Oh yeah, I forgot to say that I'm currently being treated for psychotic depresion and depersonalization, and am on Abilify (an anti-psychotic) and remeron (an anti-depressant) -- neither of which has helped with my DP.

Best,

Dave_81


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## dave_81 (Apr 5, 2006)

Is anyone going to reply? I could really use some feedback


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## littlelaur (Feb 6, 2006)

Hi I dont suffer from DP I suffer from DR, but I thought you might like to know that some form of relaxation maybe useful to reduce your DPd state and especially your anxiety.

Try meditation, autogenic training or buteyko, all of these are quite good for anxiety.

Hope this helps

Little Laur


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## dave_81 (Apr 5, 2006)

Can anyone empathise with my descriptions of DP?


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## jujuiball (Apr 27, 2006)

Ya I know exactly what you mean about not feeling "unified" in conciuossness. Like parts of your mind are working against you. You are aware of your condition and yet it persists. I too suffer from severe anxiety, although it's wierd, the feeling of DP might be caused by my anxiety. Like my mind is trying to cope with the anxiety of life by obsessing over something. It just always tends to obsess over how I feel in each passing moment which causes me to question how I feel which causes me more anxiety. I think in my case it really stems from a deep rooted feeling of being powerless in life, which causes me to sink into my mind and isolate myself.


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## Terence999 (Apr 29, 2006)

Dave

I had a very stressful experience when I was a young man in Vietnam. I suffered from DP for years and panic attacks. I drank and took heroin to keep from flipping out. It is as if yourself and the world are altered from the time you have the first intense experience of DP. I know what it is like to be really scared from combat but this was worse. There are levels of fear. I am OK now but I had many rocky years.


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## Terence999 (Apr 29, 2006)

Dave to some extent you sound like someone with PTSD. I have buddies from the war who suffer from this.


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## dave_81 (Apr 5, 2006)

Terence999 said:


> Dave to some extent you sound like someone with PTSD. I have buddies from the war who suffer from this.


Thanks for the reply, Terence999.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been through such a tough time (drinking, heroin etc.) with your DP. My DP has caused me to drink heavily, in order to try to find some relief (no medication seems to work). Your the second person that's said to me that I might be suffering from PTSD. Like I said in an earlier post, my DP did start after I went through a traumatic event in my childhood almost 10 years ago. Do you have any idea what the treatment is for PTSD?

Best,

Dave_81


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## Terence999 (Apr 29, 2006)

Dave

The treatment for PTSD is usually psychotherapy and drug therapy. The thing is that PTSD can become a chronic thing and really ruin your working and family life. Look PTSD up on Google and you will find lots of information on it and the symptoms. I knew a guy 80 years old who had PTSD from World War II. It was sad because he thought he was ok and the world was wrong.


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