# my story



## ihavemessedupdreams (Apr 19, 2007)

This post is all over the place but I just wanted to write it out I dont care how it comes out.

I'm not sure what caused my DP/DR it could have been my messed up childhood watching my father and mother stick needels in there arms passed out while me a 3yearold taking care of my 1year old sister feeding her changing her dieper or going to the clubhouses with my father at5 years old who was part of the satans choice motorcycle gang god knows what I seen there. anyways shortly after when I was 6 my mother remarried and I lived with my stepdad who emotionaly and physical abused me for a good 8 years straight. it's funny how I cant remember barly anything but I remember exactly what happen that day when I was 14 when my DP/DR finally kicked in. I was sitting down stairs on my computer talking over MSN feeling really down and well sorry for myself then boom it hit me it felt like a gust of wind and a shock like my soul just left the top of my head and just like that everything lost it's meaning I didint know what happen i quickly turned off the compputer in hopes to goto bed and wake up with all of this gone as soon as I stood up and went to get into my bed I fell flat on my head it's as if I couldint walk anymore. anyways the next mornigng it was still there I remember going upstairs and it was if I was watching everyone do things I honestly thought I was dead and a ghost I even tryed talking to my mom to see if she could hear me which she could lol. anyways you know how it goes everything is unreal you watch your self do things. I'm now 20 years old now I wouldint say my dp/dr is as bad as when it first started I longer feel as if I watch my self do things It's just im emotionaly numb and I know everything issint how it should be. so recently I went to the doctors toget some zoloft and well my emotions kicked in but it was like I was feeling very vunerable and scared and people where sizing me up because they could sense my fear I quickly went into the house to lay down I felt all the energy in my stomach this was it I was about to fix but I made it all go away it was to scary. anyways this post is all over the place just wanted to get it out. Just remember I know we cant connect with people but do you really want to this means attracking fights and everything else thats bad.

Maybe we are weak but if thats the case it took alot to get me to become DP/DR.


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

That's exactly how mine kicked in as a chronic condition. But I was reading a book. Felt this need to get up and move, like it'd make it better, but it didn't.

Sounds like it's a coping mechanism for you, have you never had any temporary bouts of dp/dr before this?


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## ihavemessedupdreams (Apr 19, 2007)

I don't think so I was myself untill I was 14. my stepdad knew my realfather and I guess while raising me he seen alot of my father in me so thats why he physicaly and emotionaly beat me. I agree to bad I cant turn it on and off when I want to.

another thing I dont think we fully relize how bad this effects us for an example. when I was young I was bit in the face by a pitbull and I was scared of dogs from there on but now with DP/DR I can pet a dog like it's nothing give me a joint and let my emotions come back to me and all be scared shitless of dogs.


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

Yeah, an 'on/off' switch might actually be a good thing. You could just switch on dp when you couldn't take any more emotion.

Nice to meet you : )


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## ihavemessedupdreams (Apr 19, 2007)

Nice to meet you to


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

Hi!

Wow, quite a story you have...

It's amazing that you (and a lot of people here) know the exact point your DP started. I can't tell exactly when it started. I think it was a process that went worse all the time.

Anyway, welcome! You can participate in the forum as much as you feel like


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## BrittonTowns (May 4, 2007)

Hey im brand new to this, your story hits me hard, I didnt have a troubled upbringing like yourself. I went through a bad bout deffinatly where i would go to bed very early. I would hope to god i would get up and everything would be normal, i would be grounded again, every morning i wake up and its same old same old. That strange unemotional face in the mirror. The only substance that has ever helped me was a mild dose of Saint John's Wort. Trully miraculous, that along with exercise, lots of exercise, i sort of feel more normal, less like im watching my life through a movie. Keep trucking tho, it sucks for all of us.

Britton


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