# Suicidal. Very.



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

What I find so hard with dp, is that it's more like having a physical illness than a psychological. When I have suicidal thoughts like now, I can't bring myself to call someone, because they'll tell me how much I have to live for and blah blah, _which I know very well._ It would be like telling a person with a terminal illness. It's like _yeah_, but _I can't make it go away._
I don't feel depressed. I'd be so happy if it went away and I was able to be a normal mom and girlfriend again.
I have a hundred things I want to do! I can't help myself by calming down. I'm a zombie. I can't be cheered up. I don't think my life sucks apart from dp. 
There is no normal psychological way to deal with this, it's just, cope with hell.


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## jfromaz (Mar 23, 2009)

I hate how we can't say F.-U-C-K on here, a rape of freedom of speech and expression by the way...

I need to say it.. F-U-C-K "dp/dr". Just saying the words is starting to make me sick. I'm not somebody that can "learn to cope with it", I never will, especially when I know that it CAN get better, but how??? when???? WHY for F.-U-C-K sake is it still looming... If it was something I knew I couldn't change like a missing arm or leg, I could much more easily learn to cope with that, because I know it is something I would not be able to change, but this we CAN change, we WILL change CAPS CAPS CAPS

I have to remain optimistic, my neurologist and psychologist/psychiatrist have all said it will subside, and I know the same will happen to you, as I read you saying it has faded before in the past (as it has for me)...

Today was especially tough for me today too.. I want to go do something that makes me emotional and cry so I feel better, as awkward as that statement sounded...

Anyways, I don't know what kind of music you like, and I've posted this on the DP Theme songs, along with many other songs, but I really connected to these sad songs and thought maybe you would too, sad songs make me happy in a way because I can relate to them and FEEL more, if that makes sense, if the same doesn't apply to you then PLEASE don't listen to them because they're REALLY depressing... but at the same time they made my day so much better... I don't know if you know what I'm trying to say but I realized I'm starting to rant so I'll stop.. lol (not really lol because I haven't been able to laugh recently due to lack of feeling)


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUGHT, THE BEST DP SONG OF ALL TIME.!!!!!!!!!!


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## Garjon (Apr 4, 2009)

ok i'm going to try and stay on topic on this one i think no one else has so far. However, first i would like to mention that the smiths song you linked is my ringer. I love that song.

I know exactly how you feel though anny, i can honestly say i have never had a problem in my life until now that going to someone and talking to them about it didn't make me feel at least a little better. now i sit and stare at my phone thinking of all the people i could call and just knowing that it wouldn't matter because they wouldn't understand and i would still feel completely alone. With that said, I have had moments where i have been able to connect with people and it felt good so i feel like it couldn't hurt to at least try sometimes. I know it sucks and it's impossible for others to understand you, but at least in some moments where you are feeling a bit better, it can be a comfort to know that people care about you. And everyone here cares about you as well so please don't give up..it has gone away in the past and it will go away again! I wish you the best and although i dont know you i care about you very much!


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

Garjon said:


> And everyone here cares about you as well so please don't give up.


Yes Anny we love you like a sister, we would be crushed if something bad happened to you, I would be because you are VERY close to me personally, you're like my big DP sister who I argue with all the time.  
Please don't hurt yourself, at least for your child..................and for me.  I wish there was something I could do.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

This track and video always makes me "feel" a little bit better. I wish I could help you more York/Anne. But I dont know how.

*Ferry Corsten feat Betsie Larkin - Made Of Love*


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Claymore said:


> WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUGHT, THE BEST DP SONG OF ALL TIME.!!!!!!!!!!


This is the best dpd song of all time because the singer actually suffers from dpd/dr.

*Counting Crows - Colorblind (Pinkpop 2008)*


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## Guest (Oct 10, 2009)

We love you Anne!

Peace, thanks for the Song Dannie.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Thank you guys.. Again. Jesus. I'm sorry for being this way. I'm still here. I'm planning to run away to the mountains when this gets better. I can't stand this city.

Hugs all around,

Anne


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

york said:


> Thank you guys.. Again. Jesus. I'm sorry for being this way. I'm still here. I'm planning to run away to the mountains when this gets better. I can't stand this city.
> 
> Hugs all around,
> 
> Anne


Follow your heart Anny, and i'm so glad to see you're still ok  . And you don't have apologize, I think we've all been there at least once with this disorder, I know I have.
*cyber bear hug*

My prayers are with you still and always.

-Dannie


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## Claymore (Jun 13, 2009)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> thanks for the Song Dannie.


No problem Dave. That song reminds me of how I feel with DP more than any other song. I know its VERY sad and deppressing...............but so is DPD.


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## Tanith (May 29, 2008)

For regards to feeling suicidal I believe that is very common for when we have bad days to wish to just end it all. But I don't think many of us have went anywhere near to committing the act.


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## JessMess (Jan 8, 2009)

I think so too. I have a friend that recently died, and i think it was a suicide, and I'm crushed. I hope more people don't come to the same conclusion.


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## edward_morden (Oct 12, 2009)

Suicide makes no sense. I mean... you are longing for a state of nothing-ness... but this state cant be thought of so what is the real longing? You have to ask yourself... even if there is something like heaven, what should be different to that what you have right now? Like life on earth etc. Lets forget depersonalisation for a moment. I mean.. if there is a afterlife with you being in your human entity... like having your memories or thoughts or what you think makes your "individuality".. and everybody else would have also his "individuality" then why should heaven be anyhow different to the now.. the life on earth etc.
I mean this heaven utopia thought makes no sense to me. It could make slightly sense if you were like god and could decide who is allowed in heaven or this utopia afterlife. 
Even if you would say "ya.. everybody is allowed but there should be no anger, bad behaviour etc." you would restrict everybody else to your believe of moral and in reality change everyones "personality".
So everybody woudnt really be themselves and you wouldnt allow the real-selves of these normally bad people in the utopia/heaven.

Besides how can you imagine a state different to your current one and what can be the purpose of killing himself. I mean if you long for a happy life then you know what you want and can get it. There is nothing what holds you back. Im sure everything what can thought of can be achieved but Im also 100% sure that the state of nothing/death is something we cant think of and so isnt that what you are really longing for.

The only problem is if you dont know what you really want.

But all in all... suicide has no logic! Just ask you what you expect from it. You can be sure that you cant imagine nothing-ness(its completely impossible) so it has to be "something" that you want from it. Even if you really want "nothing" its in reality "something" cause "nothing" cant be thought of and so you really think of "something".

I guess just find out what you really want.

Also... I guess you should also really think about what you expect of a non-depersonalized sate of mind and being. What do you expect from it? Why cant it be existent right now? What holds you back?

I guess nobody understands me again.... but yes... just wanted to say that cause I like it. :mrgreen:


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## Tanith (May 29, 2008)

Good old fashion fear of death is what keeps me here lol


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I think a lot of people who commits suicide does it because they feel like a burden to the people around them, and they aren't too concerned about where they go or what they become. I do however believe few people grasp the ides of never being "you" or part of this life again. We all somehow think we will go on, come back, wake up, or something like that.

Do any of you watch Lisa Williams Life amongst the dead (or what it's called)? It seems very convincing (to me). And the dead seem very happy. But how come she never asks about God, or death, or where they are, or how it feels etc? It's always "Did your uncle have a bad leg? Yeah he's telling me that. And he's so FUNNY. He tells you he's here by flickering the lights. It's hilarious." Yeah. That's what I'd want to know about the after life.


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