# Tired



## whatisthis (Feb 27, 2009)

I must give credit to someone else for this post. I found this from a fellow sufferer of DP and it summed up exactly how I feel and thought it was appropriate. And how sad. . I am so tired myself that I cannot even make my own posts anymore







. I see so many people posting on here and I want to talk to them, but I'm just tired. I feel like I can't write or express myself anymore how I used to. When I first started feeling different I could at least manage to take time to explain myself, but now having suffered for nearly 10+ years everything just feels like it's gone. Anyway, thought this was an interesting post.

"I am mostly mentally tired..... Tired of trying to quantify this disorder when it keeps changing. Am I getting better or worse? I can't tell because the symptoms keep changing. This thing has a mind of its own. Am I creating it with my brain, or is it something else? I just get so tired of not knowing. I'm tired of agonizing over it. Tired...There's the key word. I'm tired of pretending, tired of being terrified, tired of feeling like I'm outside of myself, then tired of feeling like I'm sucked into myself the next moment.

Tired of the brain fog, the cloudy consciousness, the dimming vision, the spots in front of my eyes, the fear, worry, anxiety, the lethargy, tired of feeling like my "life" is nothing but a pile of disconnected junk. Tired of lying in bed just to not notice the symptoms as much then getting out of bed and having the symptomatic flood gates open, tired of pretending, tired of faking life, tired of saying that I'm fine when someone asks how I am. That is the one that goes through me the most. I am NOT fine by any stretch. Yet, what am I to say?

Yes, tired....Tired of no one understanding, tired of doctors who are nothing more than pill pushers who think I have "panic attacks"...Bull...I showed a shrink the Feeling Unreal book one time. I told him that this is what's wrong with me. He opened the cover, handed it back and said nothing. THAT is exactly what I needed. An alleged health care professional who doesn't believe me. Any of us knows more about D/P than he ever will. I described my symptoms in great detail, but he says I have "anxiety"...Sure I do....It's a symptom NOT the cause...

Tired....Yes, tired of being tired. Tired of remembering back as to what real life is, and not being able to grasp it for more than a moment. Tired of my home and surroundings seeming alien to me, as if I haven't been here forever. Tired of passing people on the street who aren't terrified by their surroundings, or their internal makeup. Yes, jealous and tired. Jealous of them, because they don't feel like I do. Jealous of little kids who aren't scared to go to the store. I'm supposed to be the adult, yet I'm worse than an infant. Tired of having to agonize over the smallest event or task. Tired of feeling physically ill when I feel the most mentally ill.

Tired, tired tired.....Oh, and did I say TIRED? That's the end of this half-hearted rant. I'm going to bed now, because I'm.............tired...."	
(Post from fellow DP sufferer)


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## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

that seriously makes me hurt. i understand how you must feel. it sucks to hear that another person feels so beaten down. i wish i could help. i wrote about what makes it very easy for me, the realizations i made and shit like that. i dont know, i just wish i could help you feel better.


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## Katezorz (Jan 10, 2010)

Hey, I see you're from Arizona. I am too. Interesting to know that I'm not the only person in Arizona with dp/dr, but I'm also very sorry you have to go through this.

I also relate to everything you have said. Especially the whole,:

"How are you doing today?"
"Fine."

Though my mind is screaming that I'm not. That's the worst.


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## dreamingoflife (Oct 22, 2006)

Katezorz said:


> Hey, I see you're from Arizona. I am too. Interesting to know that I'm not the only person in Arizona with dp/dr, but I'm also very sorry you have to go through this.
> 
> I also relate to everything you have said. Especially the whole,:
> 
> ...


Same here. It's torture to live inside my head all day. I just want to get back to the real world.


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## ccatali1 (Jan 16, 2010)

whatisthis said:


> I must give credit to someone else for this post. I found this from a fellow sufferer of DP and it summed up exactly how I feel and thought it was appropriate. And how sad. . I am so tired myself that I cannot even make my own posts anymore
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## ccatali1 (Jan 16, 2010)

Wow.. You (What is this) said everything that I feel. You and the other person you quoted said it so well. I am also tired of it and I don't even bother going to shrinks or therapists anymore. I read that book, Feeling Unreal, also. It was really good. Shrinks and counselors don't know enough about this disorder to help anyone, I think. I did find a doctor who prescribed zoloft to me, though, about 15 years ago. It was an accident; I was crying all the time so I asked the doctor for prozac and she gave me a sample of zoloft. It happens to work well for me. I can sleep and dream well and it helps to keep me stable. So, I stay on this medication. I have tried to get off of it but then I get all whacky. Maybe you haven't found the right medication? I also am on pristique. I would love to hear from you as I have suffered from this onset of dp for about 30 years or more.

Are you able to hold a job ok? I have had a few set backs, got fired a few times. But I have also managed to keep a few full time jobs. I have a full time job now as a teachers aid. How about you?

Anyone here lost their appetite? I did, but I figure I have to eat to survive. I also eat because food tastes good and I want to act "normal". Anyone else?


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## morozevich (Jan 11, 2010)

Yeah both mentally exhausted and psyhically .....
I guess it's all the analyzing, and constantly beeing on your watch for "symtoms" that makes you dazed out..


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## Tim (Jul 17, 2009)

candicane said:


> Wow.. You (What is this) said everything that I feel. You and the other person you quoted said it so well. I am also tired of it and I don't even bother going to shrinks or therapists anymore. I read that book, Feeling Unreal, also. It was really good. Shrinks and counselors don't know enough about this disorder to help anyone, I think. I did find a doctor who prescribed zoloft to me, though, about 15 years ago. It was an accident; I was crying all the time so I asked the doctor for prozac and she gave me a sample of zoloft. It happens to work well for me. I can sleep and dream well and it helps to keep me stable. So, I stay on this medication. I have tried to get off of it but then I get all whacky. Maybe you haven't found the right medication? I also am on pristique. I would love to hear from you as I have suffered from this onset of dp for about 30 years or more.
> 
> Are you able to hold a job ok? I have had a few set backs, got fired a few times. But I have also managed to keep a few full time jobs. I have a full time job now as a teachers aid. How about you?
> 
> Anyone here lost their appetite? I did, but I figure I have to eat to survive. I also eat because food tastes good and I want to act "normal". Anyone else?


I often have no appetite and kindoff forcefeed myself, which is ironic because I'm trying to become a cheff. I always thought that was the depression tho.


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## Guest (Jan 20, 2010)

Yeah 100%. Had this over a decade as well..I understand way to well. My heart goes out to all with this shit. Just so ya know...when an idiot Doc. says "anxiety"..just tell Mr. or Mrs. Ignorant that in the DSM4 it is right there under DISSOCIATIVE!!!!..NOT ANXIETY!! Yeah made lots feel stupid...thats about the only fun I have had with Docs...lol.

best thoughts..
superunknown


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