# THE KEY TO RECOVERY



## dpagain (Oct 5, 2011)

Hi All
About 6 years ago I suffered from DP for 3 years & recovered. Due to a huge amount of life stressors I ended up with it again for the past 9 months. Thankfully I kept my posts from this forum all those years ago & was able to see what I needed to do to recover. I had a lovely lady called Janine Baker help me through. Her book Unraveling has been my comfort through this hard time again.

DP is caused by too much stress & too much self observation. The exitential questions is just your minds way of focusing on something else as it can't cope with what you are going through at the moment. The key is not to focus on your mind but outwards. If you are able to find something that relaxes you physically like yoga, walking in a natural surround or even a guided meditation cd. Being able to relax & focus on that feeling of relaxation & not what is running through your head is what is going to get you through this. The constant monitoring of your thoughts, feelings & obsessions just feeds the dp. You have not gone crazy ever but you are driving yourself crazy by constantly monitoring your thoughts & feelings you are on guard for what may or may not happen. It is not natural for the mind to be so engrossed with itself. It is normal for everybody to dissasociate during the day. I may get into a bus & travel to work & not remember the whole trip & go oh well must have had my mind elsewhere. A person with dp will panic & think oh my god! where did that time go, it doesn't feel right, my mind is not right, I can't remember the trip, I'm losing my mind. I have had every dp symptom believe me. When you begin to trust in yourself & realise that nothing bad is going to happeen & feel relaxed you will come back into yourself, you will start to feel normal again. Remember life goes on regardless if you sit there & analyse it or if you sail through it relaxed.

I have always been highly anxious & once I recovered & got off my medication I thought that was it, I didn't need to do anything to stay well. You really need to make sure that when you first notice yourself becoming stressed you do something to relax. Your way of life needs to change & the way you handle stress needs to be addressed. Definitely see a psychologist to help with relaxation techniques & have somebody to talk to & reassure you about these horrible feelings. Most of all believe what they say.

I am still in the process of recovery. I got different dp symptoms this time around. It all snuck up on me again. Slowly very very slowly I am feeling more normal. I done this by natural methods, yoga, psychologist, relaxation techniques, essential oils, vitamins etc. I can tell you they helped only a small amount. I got too wound up to relax & get back to that place of calm & letting the thoughts float through. I just started on medication, hasn't even been a week but I am now at a place where I can feel relaxed enough to let the thoughts go & feel normal again. Finally believe that nothing bad is going to happen to me & can't laugh at my crazy racing mind, exitential questions etc.

I do yoga once a week now, I try to exercise at least once a week & do a guided meditation cd twice a day. I focus on my breathing & when I notice panic starting to rise I focus elsewhere. When I feel myself becoming self absorbed I get up from what I am doing & focus elsewhere. I have learnt to accept that I have an anxiety disorder & now I have adjusted my life to help me cope with that. I also have 2 little kids so it hasn't been easy. You have to make relaxation a priority. That is the key.

Hope this helps.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Hey I am going thru the whole existential questions and they are making me terrified . I'm just wondering they pass wen it's gone ? I can't stop crying because in so scared I have realized sumthing about the world r sumthing . If u have any advice it wud b much appreciated


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## dpagain (Oct 5, 2011)

katiej said:


> Hey I am going thru the whole existential questions and they are making me terrified . I'm just wondering they pass wen it's gone ? I can't stop crying because in so scared I have realized sumthing about the world r sumthing . If u have any advice it wud b much appreciated


Hi Katie
I am now pretty much 99% recovered from this & just dealing with anxiety. What you need to realise is that the questions are not what is making you terrified as they are just thoughts/questions nothing more - its the feelings of fear that you attach to them. Its all just part of this crazy illness. You just have to accept that for now you are thinkig in a different on a whole different level of consciousness. I believe that when we have DP we do this as we feel so detached from our bodies/reality that we start to question everything to get ourselves back to normal. Its almost like this crazy drive within us to question & if we find the answer some how everythin will be alright. You really have to just get up each day & focus on what you are doing & not what is going on inside your head. As terrified as you feel you need to accept that for now that is how you feel because of the crazy chemical imbalance in your head. Don't question it, don't analyse it - get back into life. You will feel this pull to keep questioning or this crazy notion that you have had some sort of realisation about the world/life that no one else has. You have to ignore it, its part of the illness. I read a great book by Janine Baker called "Unraveling" a patient to patient's guide on a nervous breakdown. It really gives some good tips. To some it up - what you have learnt in your life through past experiences wether they be good or bad has taught you how to react today & somehow its all conflicting with your reality. For me I thought life was about growing up, getting married & having kids & living happily ever after. My "ideals" of happily ever after conflicted with my reality & then I got high anxiety & DP all over again.

Do the questions go away... Well they are philisophical questions & they are not bad its the fear attached to them. Right now I can go out & look up at the night sky & feel at peace & one with nature & the world - I feel connected. 
With DP, I would look up at the night sky & wonder where I came from, why I was here, is there heaven up there, are there my ancestors watching over me. I would start to think about the planets, I even watched documentaries on the solar system & how we are part of stars etc. I felt completely & utterly terrifed & weirded out. But I don't now. Unfortunately I keep checking to make sure that its gone & that habit has to stop as that is what could bring it back on if I get highly anxious again.

This is your life for now Katie, its hard, just take it moment by moment and it will get better. But get back into life & out of your head. Connect with people doing normal mundane things & slowly these things will become more interesting & important to you then the exitential questions.

Good Luck!


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

hi and thank you so muich for replying. you must know how awful it is and how lonely it can be when you feel like this... it really is just like i have realize that i am some weird creature in this scarey world that i jsut landed in. To know that those questions will fade into the backgrounded gives me great hope.. it used to be more so that i would not feel like i knew myself about a year ago (still get it but not as bad) now i just feel like i dont know how to be normal and that we are all just walkin round till we die n i am expected to grow up and act normal like everyone else... these panic attacks etc all started with life stressors n also with ignoring my own needs etc... its like my life has turned upside down and everything i knew is now sumhow strange/unreal or lost its meaning... did u get upset alot over this conditon? i mean sometimes it gets so unbearable i ball my eyes out and feel that this is forever... i really appreciate u writing bak to me in this time as i know it can be a pain to have to come bak to the forums... but if ur anything like me u will want to help sumone get thru this horrible thing even if only a little bit.... thanks again.. write bak soon if u get the chance!


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## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

Yes, although I still have a degree of perceptual distortions, I find the main key is to find ways to divert my mind onto other things, rather then to look for some direct solution. There's different things that will work for different people, so you have to find something which works for you.

I find, that a lot of this is simply getting locked onto a type of thoughts/feelings, or perceptions. So then, thinking one's way out doesn't work, since the whole problem to begin with is over-thinking about the same thoughts! So then by diverting one's mind onto other things, you create new thought pathways, so then you'll be less likely to get stuck in the same ruts.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

thanks... i appreciate ur help.. i guess ill have to keep pushing thru... its been a long road theres gotta be light eventually... what kind of symptoms do u or did u have?


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

*your* dp is caused by stress and self observation. Not all dp is caused by the same thing.

Words matter.


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## dpagain (Oct 5, 2011)

katiej said:


> hi and thank you so muich for replying. you must know how awful it is and how lonely it can be when you feel like this... it really is just like i have realize that i am some weird creature in this scarey world that i jsut landed in. To know that those questions will fade into the backgrounded gives me great hope.. it used to be more so that i would not feel like i knew myself about a year ago (still get it but not as bad) now i just feel like i dont know how to be normal and that we are all just walkin round till we die n i am expected to grow up and act normal like everyone else... these panic attacks etc all started with life stressors n also with ignoring my own needs etc... its like my life has turned upside down and everything i knew is now sumhow strange/unreal or lost its meaning... did u get upset alot over this conditon? i mean sometimes it gets so unbearable i ball my eyes out and feel that this is forever... i really appreciate u writing bak to me in this time as i know it can be a pain to have to come bak to the forums... but if ur anything like me u will want to help sumone get thru this horrible thing even if only a little bit.... thanks again.. write bak soon if u get the chance!


Hi Katie
The above description I could have wrote myself! This is EXACTLY how I would describe it if I could have put it into words. I find it hard to express how I am feeling. But what you wrote is word for word how I would have described it. Almost like I am stuck in a body that feels weird & waiting to die. It was like the whole concept of bodies/life etc felt weird & foreign even though I knew that I had lived like this for the last 33 years. It made me question religion/sprituality alot. I sort of likened it to my soul leaving my body. Very weird & strange & can't even describe the overwhelming sensations & emotions that I would get from time to time. I definitely had days where I felt like I can't keep putting this brave face on for my kids & husband. I just wanted to break down & cry & lock myself in the room. I knew when those days/feelings became more frequent then I had to go & get some medication. I then went & got antidepessants & found a good psychologist. I almost felt defeated taking them but I knew that if I kept going the natural path it would be a very long slow process that I wouldn't survive. I new that my DP was caused by stress & I knew that all the natural things I was doing was making it better but at the same time the illness was wearing me down. In the end I thought I need to do something about this as I have 2 little kids to look after. At first I got worse on the medication for about 2 weeks. The DP lifted but the anxiety & depression was overwhelming. I just wanted to die. I couldn't take the panic attacks every 10 minutes. It was like my DP was covering this anxiety & depression & now that it had lifted the other problems were rearing their heads. I have been on medication for about 3 months now & for me it has been a saviour. I am now clear headed enough to concentrate on recovery & am doing some EMDR for the trauma issues. I almost feel like I have been away on another planet for the last 9 months & am slowly coming back down to earth.

Katie you just need to keep going through each day as best you can & almost talk yourself through each step. My psychologist gave me some good tips. When I felt really dp'd I played this game with my kids. I had to name 5 things that were green & then 5 that were yellow & 5 that were red & so on. It distracted me & turned on my thinking brain which created new neural pathways. So instead of spiralling down into questioning "are they really my hands on the steering wheel?" while driving the car







I would play this game. Also while taking a walk I had to really feel myself in my body, describe to myself the sensations of my feet hitting the pavement etc. I also found stories on recovered anorexics very inspirational as you can see what their mental illness does to them & how their brains tell them not to eat. I likened it to our brains telling us to switch off from reality.

Hope this helps!


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

funny enough i had anorexia when i was 13 for 2 and half years... very badly... and i recovered, never thought it was possible it felt so deblitating and powerful... but this feels different i wasnt afriad then. just unhappy and spaced out... anxiety is the killer in my opinion... it causes such heartache and really can make u feel in a way u thought was not possible. i would give anything to feel better... im 21 but feel like a 5 year old scared of the dark. can u relate? it must be hard having kids and feeling so lost and confused, but also having to take care of another 2 people... luckily i have a great boyfriend that is sticking by me and really just wants to help... Reality is almost too real that its unbelievable sometimes ... i wonder how i came to be,,, and how i can think and how i know how to do things,,,. Its like i dont believe in anything anymore even my own thoughts ... it all began two years ago with panic.. and slowly after a million attacks it creeped into dp.. which made me numb for a while... but now that i am in deep therepy, im finiding it so painful.. digging up buried feeling that i didnt even know i had... it gets so hard sumtimes that i dunno how much more i can take.. its like torture.. i hope u can relate... not that i hope u feel this way but it is great comfort to know that its possible to move on a bit... i cry and cry and have to run out of work sometimes because i dont even know why i have to work, or why anyone does the things they do. its like i forgot how to be human or something.. it really feels like u have come to some sort of epiphany about the world that no one else understands . ur words of ur experience are helping me get through the day.







thank you


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