# Questioning reality



## pugsrule (Dec 19, 2010)

Hi Guys,
I'm pretty new to this site but I've hit an all time low today and just wanted to get stuff off my chest to see if anyone else knows what I'm talking about. A couple of months ago everything started feeling weird to me, peoples faces were unfamiliar, my house seemed unfamiliar even though nothing had changed. Even words sounded different to me. My doctor diagnosed depression and the pills he gave me have done absolutely nothing. It's got to the point now where I've been this way so long it's like I didnt exist before this, and my memories aren't connected to me. I constantly question reality, if memories are just implanted, if this is some strange world where life and materialistic things just exist when we see them. I would never tell people this because it sounds crazy and I'm terrified of being locked up or something. I can't ever take my mind off these thoughts and it gives me such a pain in my stomach. My family and boyfriend are so strange, even thought I still feel love for them. I can't prove to myself what reality is, even though I know full well what I should naturally feel reality is, so this goes on and on. I've heard that you have to just live with this, but I feel like one more day is going to just finish me off. I just feel like I haven't existed before now, and even though i have pictures and memories of those times, it can't convince me. The world is so alien to me, and I know the more I dwell on these feelings the worse it will get but I can't just get on with life this way. Has anyone ever felt this bad? I would just like to share my experience and see if anyone else has similar thoughts ?
Thanks guys


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## iwontgiveupifyoudontgiveup (Feb 13, 2011)

Sounds familiar. I have similar thoughts actually. I've had severe existential/philosophical crisis episodes. It's a pretty bad feeling. It's just the DP talking. I'm sorry you're going through this though. Sometimes I contemplate if existing even means anything. Or if I exist at all. I know the whole "I think therefore I am" thing, but it just went completely over my head. Existence seems so overrated. "I dwell on these feelings the worse it will get but I can't just get on with life this way. " Exactly! God, I totally get what you're saying. It sucks.







I really relate to "It's got to the point now where I've been this way so long it's like I didnt exist before this, and my memories aren't connected to me" as well.


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## pugsrule (Dec 19, 2010)

It's such a relief to hear somebody say they can relate to this it almost makes me cry. It's like theres no way to prove reality, but if I wasn't cursed with DP and everything felt normal, just questioning this wouldn't bother me at all. But because I'm so numb its like I panic and think oh my God how do I know I existed before now? And that means this doesnt exist, and that doesnt exist....and its endless. I know I should think I existed, and crazy people say things like what I'm saying, and I think thats what frightens me. Its so great to hear from someone who can relate to this a bit. 
Thanks so much


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

pugsrule said:


> Hi Guys,
> I'm pretty new to this site but I've hit an all time low today and just wanted to get stuff off my chest to see if anyone else knows what I'm talking about. A couple of months ago everything started feeling weird to me, peoples faces were unfamiliar, my house seemed unfamiliar even though nothing had changed. Even words sounded different to me. My doctor diagnosed depression and the pills he gave me have done absolutely nothing. It's got to the point now where I've been this way so long it's like I didnt exist before this, and my memories aren't connected to me. I constantly question reality, if memories are just implanted, if this is some strange world where life and materialistic things just exist when we see them. I would never tell people this because it sounds crazy and I'm terrified of being locked up or something. I can't ever take my mind off these thoughts and it gives me such a pain in my stomach. My family and boyfriend are so strange, even thought I still feel love for them. I can't prove to myself what reality is, even though I know full well what I should naturally feel reality is, so this goes on and on. I've heard that you have to just live with this, but I feel like one more day is going to just finish me off. I just feel like I haven't existed before now, and even though i have pictures and memories of those times, it can't convince me. The world is so alien to me, and I know the more I dwell on these feelings the worse it will get but I can't just get on with life this way. Has anyone ever felt this bad? I would just like to share my experience and see if anyone else has similar thoughts ?
> Thanks guys


That's DP for you.. I've been feeling like this for a year and a few months now but I still have some hope, what keeps bringing me down is the fact that every single day I get a "new" symptom, it's like a rotation, a few weeks with body pain or numbness, the other few weeks feeling like everything's totally fake and that I didn't exist until now or a good old existential crisis, wondering why everything exists (mental torture) , oh well


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## pugsrule (Dec 19, 2010)

Yeah I sometimes get cycles, this whole thing is utter hell. Sometimes I think I'd rather just have some physical illness that a pill or surgery can take away, but then I feel so guilty because there are so many people physically suffering but I feel like this is the worst anyone can ever feel. This is total hell, but tonight just these replies to my post have made me feel like I'm not alone, and that's made a big difference to me. I feel like I'm in something with other people now, and not the only person in the world. Like I said it's such a relief to hear you guys say these things, I just can't believe I didn't find this forum sooner. Everything you say is just so like me I can't quite believe it lol.


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## Lionheart (Feb 7, 2011)

Yeah bro, I felt this way too for a long time. I thought I was becoming insane. I just wanted to live life like "normal" people do. EVERYTHING was strange to me, my house, my mom, my dog, people, buses. Why do we humans have faces and 2 legs? How come I'm looking at this computer screen and the world just keeps going behind my back? etc. I found it strange that I have eyes and I somehow see the world and interact with it. Sometimes I still have these thoughts in my head, but not for long, I accept them and turn my attention elsewhere. 
Slowly but surely I'm returning to my old self again. Like the guy above me said, it's just the DP/DR talking dude. These are not your real thoughts. I wouldn't dwell on it if I were you, and pay your attention to the outside world, the "real world". Focus on something else, keep your mind occupied. Dwelling on this will only fuel anxiety and make the problem worse.
Hang in there dude we've all been there things will get better.


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