# bad dinner experience. Warning: Buzz killer



## AllmindnoBrain (Jun 28, 2007)

Was just eating dinner with a side of my family that i havent seen in a long time, this i have been dreading all day. I actually just left the table because it was too uncomfortable for me, i never know how to do that though, should i say excuse me im going downstairs or is it ok to just get up and go. My Anxiety levels were high therefore dp was killer, could barely comprehend anything or focus on what anyone was saying, i have had a terrible relapse this week. I smoked weed on saturday and it caused my obssessive thinking to flood back in like a tsunami along with suicidal thoughts and hopelessness. Im so lonely, angry and ashamed i dont know what to do, plus i have nothing to look forward to. I moved a few weeks ago, 45 minutes from where i lived my entire life, my friends dont visit me so basically that shows the little impact i had on their lives. I really feel useless/purposeless. My lonliness has caused me to crave a girlfriend, yet i cant imagine having a girlfriend in the state im in as well as meeting one. I think im going to look into taking medication again even though i cringe at the thought of putting those chemicals into my body.


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## PPPP (Nov 26, 2006)

I hope you feel better soon.

when I want to leave the table I usually say 'I'm sorry but please excuse me. I'm not feeling well.'
not a lie because you're really not feeling well


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

Why do you cringe at the thought of taking medication and 'putting those chemicals into your body', yet smoke cannabis? This isn't a critisism as such, just a confusion.

I think you should definately stay away from smoking, you aren't doing yourself any favours by going back to it.

Have you invited any of your old friends to visit? They may just not be sure if you're settled in yet.

And take Layla's advice, if you need to leave the table, just say you feel unwell.

I hope you get back on track soon : )


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## AllmindnoBrain (Jun 28, 2007)

Your absolutely right, i have to stop smoking weed completely. I guess sometimes if im feeling well enough i think i can supress any intrusive disturbing thoughts and manage to enjoy the smoke induced altered state of mind but it doenst happen. I dont like the side effects of meds (loss of libido being the worst, getting fat), i know these things should be insignificant to the usual pain i have but meds arent a gaurantee so its like why even risk taking them. For some reason i feel like there is a natural way out of this and that i can bring myself out of it.


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## dpcomk (Aug 10, 2007)

suz said:


> Why do you cringe at the thought of taking medication and 'putting those chemicals into your body', yet smoke cannabis? This isn't a critisism as such, just a confusion.
> 
> I think you should definately stay away from smoking, you aren't doing yourself any favours by going back to it.
> 
> ...


Plant>Pill


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## flipwilson (Aug 19, 2006)

suz said:


> Why do you cringe at the thought of taking medication and 'putting those chemicals into your body', yet smoke cannabis? This isn't a critisism as such, just a confusion.


THC is them most active chemical in marijuana, but there are 400 known different chemicals in marijuana, some of which we dont even know what they do to the brain. Im gonna second suz and vote no more smokin weed.

Just remember that psychiatric meds even with the nasty side effects can help. Maybe just long enough for your brain to stabalize. Im with you on not wanting to put that crap in my body, but if it may pull us out of the hell long enough to have our brains calm down than im for that.

have you tried any hollistic measures, somatic release therapies, any talk therapies?

peace.


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## AllmindnoBrain (Jun 28, 2007)

currently seeing a psychologist, was taking fluvoxamine for about 3-4 months and it brought me out of my depression. the effects of it started to plateau and i stopped taking it because it destroyed my libido.


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## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

hey mate

yeah i can understand how you felt having to leave the table its happened to me on numerous occasions ... i also have problems with my eating also which makes it 100 times worse !! grrrrr

but you saying about you crave for a girlfriend .. it may sound weird to someone but i stress that if and when you do meet someone dont hold back... let them know how you feel .. let them know your bad points as much as your good points 
as if and when u start to have a bad episode they will be left wondering what the hells going on .. 
i met my now fiance on the internet and i made it priority that he knew all about my dp etc .. 2 years later we are still together and YES i have my bad days but he understands why and is there to support me !!!


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## AllmindnoBrain (Jun 28, 2007)

I pray i meet someone who understands me and accepts me, that would be so grand.


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## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

well my friend im sure your prays will be answered !!!

give it time ...


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