# Help me get out :)



## Guest

Hi guys,

So I suffer from agoraphobia pretty badly. I'm scared of leaving the house alone for fear of being attacked and for fear of getting so conscious of myself with DP that I suddenly have no safe zone to run to when/if I can't cope. I'm also unemployed, and staying at home day in, day out is really getting tedious. I just want to be freed from the grip of my own fear! I have no routines, nothing to do out of the house, so I am hoping that some people who don't have agoraphobia can give me some ideas of what to do to give me a reason to go out. I want to get out daily but I don't have much money so I can't spend all that time shopping, going to the cinema or eating out for instance. I would really appreciate suggestions so i can comprise a list of free outdoor activities that I can do, just to get me out alone and used to things a few times a week!

Thanks everyone!


----------



## Cameron123

Dr. Claire Weekes is THE anxiety (disorder) expert, I would also recommend her books.


----------



## spudgirl

What kind of area do you live in? Small town, big city, or something in between?


----------



## Surfingisfun001

BOOM!!! Ok here is your big dare... Go ride the London Eye, take a picture, and report back to us. DO IT!!!!

If you do it, you can dare me to do something, and I will do it, and take a picture, and post it.

Seriously... do it!!!


----------



## GroupHug

Haras said:


> Hi Delicate,
> I think you should start off small, I had a period of time where I didn't leave my house for weeks and when I decided to start going back out again it felt almost like I had an elastic band attached to me like trying to pull me back to my 'safety zone' or I would get so far away from my house I would almost freeze in fear and I felt like I couldn't go any further. The things that helped me were starting off with small walks and gradually making them longer, even walking to the corner shop, it gets you used to being outside and seeing different faces etc. You could also try exercise like going for a run but then it depends how comfortable you feel. Then once you feel comfortable with that you could try socializing, going to visit a friend or a relative or anyone you want and remember you don't always have to do it on your own, you can take someone with you for support.
> 
> I wouldn't throw yourself in at the deep end because sadly that just sets you up to fail and I know that. It gradually doesn't become such a big deal to go outside. Expect to feel heightened anxiety when you first try it out but don't let that make you give in, keep on going and eventually you will get there....I only feel anxious outside if i'm driving now, if i'm out and socializing it tends to take my mind off of my own problems and it definitely helps towards recovering. You've probably heard of this but there's a book called 'hope & help for your nerves' by Dr.Claire Weekes and she has a whole section on agoraphobia in there, which is definitely helpful. I wish you the best of luck


This is great advice, and it's what worked for me. For a while I was terrified of just going to the store or walking down the street, all I would do is stay in all day. Now I make sure to be out in the world every single day for at least an hour.

It's all about desensitizing yourself by very slowly exposing yourself to your fears. It's that simple. I started with small things, like taking a short walk. Then I'd walk to the store to get a few things. If I had a panic attack...I'd recuperate and wait a day or two before trying again...but you always have to try again.

One of my favorite free activities is just taking walks, admiring the city...maybe bring along an mp3 player and listen to some music or you can listen to an audiobook. If you have a local park to walk around it's even better. Even when I don't have a lot of money I still like to pop by the thrift store and see what's new. Sorry, I'm easily amused and dull, that's about the extent of the things I do for free. I'm sure if you wanted to you could find local activities through Google.

The only thing you need to do is something instead of nothing.


----------



## seafoamwinter

Im not sure, my agoraphobia is in cars...


----------



## Guest

That's some really great advice guys! Thank you so much! To spudgirl - It's kind of your average British town. Quite a fair bit about in a small space.


----------



## Abraxas

surfingisfun001 said:


> BOOM!!! Ok here is your big dare... Go ride the London Eye, take a picture, and report back to us. DO IT!!!!
> 
> If you do it, you can dare me to do something, and I will do it, and take a picture, and post it.
> 
> Seriously... do it!!!


bro I'd get a full blown panic attack if I was agoraphobic and suddenly found myself on a small plastic capsule with strangers, no way out, and 135 meters above the ground.. AND going in circles!!!









but I think its a great idea, maybe we can do a kind of game in which each day you (Delicate) post a picture of yourself on a different part of your town. And like surfin says we can dare you do specific things that will make you face fears, starting from the smallest and easiest, and working up.
I did something like this when I was doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy- which was very useful-

what you do is you write a list of things that you are afraid of but would like to do.
Then you score them from 0 -100, 0 being no fear at all, and 100 being max.

Then you arrange them in order, starting with the easiest ones. And you do the first one for some days until you manage to do it without feeling any fear at all.
So by doing this you show your body/unconscious mind that that particular activity/situation is not necessarily dangerous.

For example, you are afraid of dogs, so every time you see one, you get a panic attack and cross the street to avoid contact with it.
By crossing the street your anxiety levels drop, so your body learns that escape-mechanism, and becomes addicted to it, because it assumes that the dog IS in fact dangerous, so the fear will always remain and affect your lifestyle.
So what you do is you start petting a puppy, which is harmless. And you do it with someone else, and while the puppy is asleep. Then you do it when it is awake, then you do it alone, then you do it with a larger dog, etc etc. Each step at a time, as many times as needed for you to completely overcome your fear, never pushing yourself, taking it easy.

Of course there IS a chance of the dog biting you. But you learn that A) the chance is small, B ) even if there is a chance, your life will be much better if you take that chance, rather than avoid all possible contact in the first place.

Anyway what do you think about surfins idea of taking a picture outside and submitting? im up for the darings as well









Delicate: Take a picture of a street sign (the name of the street), then a picture of an initial numbering (the number on a house on that street), and then a picture of that number + 1000 on another house/shop (about ten blocks away) , and submit!

Surfin... dress up like a ninja, climb over a rooftop, and submit a picture


















ps. wait, i forgot, the numberings in the UK dont go like that, do they?
hm.. well, you could, take a picture of a street name, and another one which is intersecting it. Then walk up the first street, ten blocks, and take a picture of the road intersecting it there. Then submit and show us on the map =)


----------



## Surfingisfun001

Haha we could all get in on this...


----------



## Guest

Omg, I suddenly hate you guys!!! Haha. Okay. Let's meet in the middle here.

I go out alone, take a picture of something - the ground or whatever - and submit it back here. I know it sounds oh so VERY exiting but I don't think I feel comfortable posting street names and taking pictures of people's house numbers xD I'm also not so sure that "I'm agoraphobic, I have an excuse!" will cut it when I'm confronted by an angry neighbour waving his leafblower around in the air and pointing it in my direction.

Obviously later goals will include going on the London Eye and skydiving from the edge of space but I suppose I need to to walk before I can run









And yes, surfing needs to go stand on top of buildings in order to make this equal for suggesting I go on the London Eye at this early stage! What am I, NORMAL?!

Oh, almost forgot to mention! I went out alone, todaaayyy!







It was the first time in three years. I went to the local park, and felt so free. I didn't even get that anxious really







I need to work out what step 2 will be now. Abraxas - I will make that list up tonight!


----------



## Abraxas

Delicate said:


> Oh, almost forgot to mention! I went out alone, todaaayyy!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It was the first time in three years. I went to the local park, and felt so free. I didn't even get that anxious really
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I need to work out what step 2 will be now. Abraxas - I will make that list up tonight!


yay =) congratulations!!! that's an impressive step you took there







keep it up, you ll see that you really don't have anything to worry about while in public places, everyone's minding their own business! you really are free to just be.

good one on making the list, it ll help a lot, go step by step, taking it easy

peace
J.


----------



## Guest

Thanks Abraxas! Yeah, I realise that now... I actually really enjoyed watching snippets of people's lives as I walked past, in a way that I never have before. Before, I would view everybody as a potential threat, out to shoot, stab or murder me, whereas now I realise they are just people, beautiful beings with lives of their own, people they love, and hobbies that they enjoy. I appreciate them now in the same way that I appreciate the snap of a twig - It's not someone lurking in the bushes, it's probably just a cute little animal scurrying past. Life is not out to harm me, it's a wonderful world out there, waiting for me to come and enjoy it.

I took a day's break after my first trip out. I felt super exhausted just from the achievement! But I was also torn; I didn't want to feel like I was regressing back to into my former fearful state. I told GroupHug I was going to do it _today_, so I couldn't go back on my word! xP

Beating Agoraphobia trip #2:










I went a bit further this time, and this is where I got to. I don't know how the hell I added the timestamp, but I realise that it's kind of helpful in this situation, so I think I'll leave it! Even with it being American









It was getting dark when I left, so I knew I was going to be trying to beat what I feared even more - Walking outside in the dark. I did, to be honest, have a lot of thoughts on the topic of being harmed, but they had a positive edge on them, e.g. "Well if I get attacked, at least I can hit them with my phone, which is a lot harder than my hand" and "At least I'm alert and looking around all the time, if I was looking at the ground I would be more vulnerable" So I am still pretty terrible, but getting better xD I didn't let any thoughts wind me up into a panic, they were fleeting, I accepted them, and kept on walking, and focused on the things I found beautiful and positive.

I also walked back beside the main road, which was facing another one of my fears - Walking beside a road when I constantly get the urge to throw myself into it. I thought what the hell, I'm walking 1. outside 2. alone 3. in the dark, I might as well add 4. beside a road!

Soon I want to walk to our local shop and buy something, which will be facing the social anxiety I get, but at the moment I'm not thinking of doing that just yet.

We'll see


----------



## Abraxas

Thats a beautiful picture you took, i d love to have a forest near my place!! you should go there more often. They say that forests are an excellent place to face irrational fears. Trust nature

And maybe try slowly switching those kinds of thoughts "I ll hit them with my phone"/"im being alert and not looking down"
with things like "There is no reason why anyone should attack me right now. Regardless, it is something i can not control, and I am at peace with that" "I trust the present moment" "I trust the Universe" "I trust life" "I trust myself" "I am safe"

Peace


----------



## Guest

Thanks Abraxas! By the way, I haven't seen you around in a while! Hope you're well.

Yesterday my husband pulled up to the local shop and I went in and bought a sandwich, so it was the first time I'd been in a shop alone in... I can't even remember the last time I did, or even if I did!

I actually walked there and back on my own today, in the (BLOODY FREEZING) snow to get my husband a Valentine's day card. He better like it!  I saw three thuggish looking guys and immediately thought "They're going to sneak up on me and kill me" but I let the thought move through my head and kept on walking. I also felt myself breathing more heavily at one point, but I nipped it in the bud and kept on walking again.

Easy peasy. I'm enjoying this! Lol.

Next will be either to the local supermarket or a bus drive. Then I want to take a few walks and bus drives again, and then I am pretty sure I will be able to start looking for work! 

I also went to the supermarket with hubby to buy food that I had planned on getting for tomorrow, and I was smiley and friendly to the cashier, and I think I actually made her feel a little happier! She made me feel happy too by smiling back.  I consider social anxiety to be part of the agoraphobia for me in a way, so this was a big, positive thing for me.

Onward and upward!


----------



## JJ70

> Hi guys,
> 
> So I suffer from agoraphobia pretty badly. I'm scared of leaving the house alone for fear of being attacked and for fear of getting so conscious of myself with DP that I suddenly have no safe zone to run to when/if I can't cope. I'm also unemployed, and staying at home day in, day out is really getting tedious. I just want to be freed from the grip of my own fear! I have no routines, nothing to do out of the house, so I am hoping that some people who don't have agoraphobia can give me some ideas of what to do to give me a reason to go out. I want to get out daily but I don't have much money so I can't spend all that time shopping, going to the cinema or eating out for instance. I would really appreciate suggestions so i can comprise a list of free outdoor activities that I can do, just to get me out alone and used to things a few times a week!
> 
> Thanks everyone!


I've been there got the T shirt, it was hell...the DP/DR was worse but the anxiety was so frustrating and life restricting, it also slows down recovery from DP/DR. However unlike DP/DR anxiety/phobias are much better understood. Have you seen the doctor? too scared to go?

If your that bad drop me a PM, I'm in the UK too.

Keep your chin up.

JJ


----------



## Guest

JJ70 said:


> I've been there got the T shirt, it was hell...the DP/DR was worse but the anxiety was so frustrating and life restricting, it also slows down recovery from DP/DR. However unlike DP/DR anxiety/phobias are much better understood. Have you seen the doctor? too scared to go? If your that bad drop me a PM, I'm in the UK too. Keep your chin up. JJ


Hi JJ, thanks for your response to my thread  I'm doing much better than I was then thankfully, and I just today updated this thread with my latest little achievement. I have seen my doctor about it, but I haven't had any therapy, I've just exposed myself to things very slowly.

Did you get over agoraphobia?


----------



## JJ70

> Did you get over agoraphobia?


100% and pretty quickly although to be totally anxiety/med free was about a year. However I was functioning to over 90% fairly quickly. If you want some specific advice, again feel free to PM.

PS I glad your doing better, keep going you can do it.

JJ


----------

