# Is this dp/dr or am i going insane?!



## Rogbern97 (Jan 2, 2015)

Hey guys my name is roger im 17 and about two months ago on November 5th i smoked marijuna for the first time out of a bong; it wasnt laced it was just a very packed bowl of "keef", anyways i had a panic attack as soon as i felt the high and thing were repeating over and over and over again to where I questioned life and wondered if what i was experiencing was the meaning of life. Fast forward to 2 hours later i had calmed down significantly and was calling my mom to come pick me up from school because I wasn't feeling to well; as soon as i got home i took a nap and i woke up still feeling somewhat strange and spaced out and my friend told me that was normal and that the feeling would go away soon. Day after day i hoped this weird sensation would go away the feeling of being delayed in everything i did and as if i wasnt in control ofy speech or body, after the last two months i have been fthese se feeling and i feel as if their is no meaning to anything what so ever; im so confused by everything and i feel like i am just a pair of eyes watching everything around me happen. There have been moments though mostly at night where for a few seconds i feel completely normal and then i goes away. I am really really scared and confused by the world right now and when i look in the mirror i don't recognize myself and i feel as if im all in my head, and all my thoughts concern me and scare me. This might sound weird but i also feel like im scared of how thoughts work and how i can talk to my self in my head. I feel like im going insane and idk if this is dpdr, i also feel like a robot whose not in control of his speech im just so so so so lost.i hope im not alone in this feeling either, that when i try to think of when i was normal, i get freaked out because i feel like there is something strange or unfamiliar about the world. Please tell me someone else feels any of this; its so confusing and scarey and i dont know if this is normal from smoking weed!? I went to the doctor and he prescibed me ativan and that helps take away almost all my symptoms sometimes, and then i feel like ive gotten really close to recovery but its a weird feeling because although im not i guess derealized i am still depersonalized if thats what i have; every morning i wake up with a heavy feeling on my chest and throat and although the world seems almost normal theres just something that doesnt feel rigght, my eyesight especially is very heightened and for some reason im confused by how my eyes work, like i wonder how it is that i see things i know i sound crazy smh, but im wondering if this is normal in dp/dr and if anyone has experienced the stuff im going through, and if complete recovery takes away all these symptoms or feelings. I just feel so lost and confused idk what to do really pls any advice or help or anyone who has recovered what does recovery feel like? Will all this strangeness go away? And will my mind go back to thinking normal?!


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## 3ean (Aug 14, 2014)

You 100% have DPDR. It will fade if you ignore it and it will fade. Just relax, all it is is anxiety.


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## Rogbern97 (Jan 2, 2015)

Eveybody says that but for some reason i dont know why i get confused by what anxiety is and its so weird and scary because i have never been an anxious person before this . Im so so scared guys aghhh!! I know deep inside im getting better everyday but it gets so confusing when you half way back to reality and halfway stuck in dpdr


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## Guest (Jan 2, 2015)

Almost every new member feels like they are going insane at first, it's probably the most common thing I see posted here. Just by asking the question am i going insane proves to yourself that your not though. I completely understand the feeling of being confused of what is anxiety and what isn't. I've dealt with this for nearly a decade and I still have my troubles to this day. However, 3ean is right that it does get better, just give yourself some time to adapt, and of course, ask any questions you have.


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## Rogbern97 (Jan 2, 2015)

I feel like im just a pair of eyes right now and just about everythi g confuses me, i feel disconnected from my body and i wonder if this is what life really is like and that i was just blind before smoking marijuana to the realityof life and know i really know what it is and that there is no escaping it; please tell me this is just dp/dr symptoms and that when i feel normal that life is nothing like this; im just so scared and i almost want to kill myself. :..( PLEASE HELP IDK WHATS HAPPENING TO ME!


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2015)

No, it's not what life is really like. My pure belief is that DP/DR is a defense mechanism, and that something brings it out when our body freaks out, such as marijuana, i can promise you, I've had this shit nearly a decade,and I haven't gone crazy or died from it yet, you are going to be just fine. All the symptoms you're mentioning are classic dp/dr symptoms. It's worse right now because it's brand new, trust me, everyone comes in scared out of their mind. It's how you deal with the fear that paves the way for how fast you'll recover.


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## Rogbern97 (Jan 2, 2015)

Is it normal during dpdr that i feel in a sense like my mind is somewhat blank or empty but at the same time I can think about things, i also mostly feel like im just a pair of eyes, just want to know if this will go away too, with time?


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## Guest (Jan 4, 2015)

All the symptoms can go away. It's best to direct your focus towards getting better rather than all of the individual sensations.


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## Rogbern97 (Jan 2, 2015)

I know but what im asking is that is it normal to feel the way i described in the last post like that my mind is like blank or empty but i can still think about things and feeling like justa pair of eyes


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## Guest (Jan 5, 2015)

Both of those symptoms are very common. Take heart, you are not alone!


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## benman19 (Sep 3, 2014)

Yes, it's normal for DPDR. Everything you described are normal symptoms. And all these symptoms can fade or go away completely. Just don't think about it too much.


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## Rogbern97 (Jan 2, 2015)

Thank you so much guys! Nice to know im not alone!


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## AylaStar (Jan 4, 2015)

It's hard to think that something that is as intense as you're experiencing has been felt by others. I remember thinking that no one could have possibly understood what I was going through because I could hardly explain it myself or find the words to describe what it felt like. I remember thinking that if others had felt this way before there would be a name for it and we would hear about it all the time because of how intense and life consuming it is.

What helped me when it first hit me (if you read the forum you'll see weed instigated many peoples first episodes) was thinking what Jeff said, the fact that you're worried about going insane proves you're not. 
The second thing was KNOWING that it would go away. As long as I had the pot in my system, it was there and every day it would lessen more and more until one day I realized I was almost back to normal. This might not be scientific, but it helped my hope and strength immensely.
This will pass. Hold on in the meantime and try and focus on something that you have interest in. Writing, drawing, and if that fails you can distract yourself with movies and video games. I don't know if this is the best advice, because I think we need to face something eventually to work through this, but the point is we can. This is something we can recover from. It's almost the nature of the thing that we can't really focus in the middle of an episode, it almost makes it worse for me, so I try and just get through it and remember when I'm feeling better to do the work I need to to never have to feel that way again. It comes back, but it's getting better. 
Know that you're not alone and try not to smoke pot again. (I used to tell my friends that I get too paranoid or that my mind was too sensitive to get high) Baths have always helped me too. This website has been EXTREMELY helpful. Don't give up, you can do this.


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## Emillie (Mar 13, 2012)

Rogbern97 said:


> l theres just something that doesnt feel rigght, my eyesight especially is very heightened and for some reason im confused by how my eyes work, like i wonder how it is that i see things i know i sound crazy smh,


This is the most annoying part for me; my eyesight and my constant obsession on how my eyes are focusing and stuff. It's not just you. Some of us with DP are natural hypochondriacs which makes things so much worse.


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## Guest (Apr 28, 2015)

vape is the answer, it is the cure/


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## Guest (Apr 28, 2015)

Pardon me for not being hip, but what is vape?


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## Guest (Apr 29, 2015)

only da greatest chump.....


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