# Why the hell do we have this shit in the first place?



## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

What kind of fucked up defense mechanism kind of bullshit is this, this dp has taken over my life, fucked me up in so many ways now, I can't even sleep properly at all, my days don't even have a feel to it, everyday I'm just feeling this same old doom feeling which seems to sink in deeper everyday, it's actually disgusting the way I feel, I don't know why I have to suffer with this bullshit, I don't know we all have to suffer with this to be honest, wow, we got stressed a little, the fuck does it have to manifest into this bullshit, I see people my age with the same problems I got, but they don't have this shit on their shoulders 24/7, they're just going about their day, living life, etc. But because we get a little stressed, it turns into this shit, sorry i'm just venting here, this bullshit has actually ruined my life. What the fuck.

I'm not even anxious about it, not in the panicky sense, this has just taken over me that I have just gone so used to it, that it's slowly sinking in deeper everyday, this is the most pointless condition ever, what the fuck, I'm just bombarded with existential thoughts and the worst of it all, the existential feelings that I can't even shake off, it's with me 24/7 wherever I go.

I hope we all get out of this one day.


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## Abaddon (Jan 3, 2014)

I'm with you on that.
This "defense mechanism" is probably killing me faster than whatever triggered it in the first place.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I hear ya!! Absolutely it is a terrible disorder ....to not even get a break from it I'd rather work on a personality disorder then this shit at least they still have there emotions ...


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## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

missjess said:


> I hear ya!! Absolutely it is a terrible disorder ....to not even get a break from it I'd rather work on a personality disorder then this shit at least they still have there emotions ...


The worst thing is, my day goes like this now, i get used to the feeling and thoughts for a little while, and I think to myself "fuck it, if i have to live like this, then fuck it, i will" then boom, a new feeling comes, along with new fucked up thoughts and just fills me with dread, then i get used to that also, then boom the cycle continues, it's like I'm in a hole i can't get out of now


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## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

Abaddon said:


> I'm with you on that.
> This "defense mechanism" is probably killing me faster than whatever triggered it in the first place.


I just wish I never found out about this website or whatever the fuck this disorder was called, if I just ignored it at first i would have never suffered


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Yeah I too feel deep in the rabbit hole. The worst thing is everything feels exacts the same and I have no sense of time. This disorder is best beaten in the early years like 4 real. It is a fuking joke now


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## Cotillion (Oct 23, 2012)

roadt2recovery said:


> What kind of fucked up defense mechanism kind of bullshit is this, this dp has taken over my life,* fucked me up in so many ways now, I can't even sleep properly at all*, my days don't even have a feel to it, everyday *I'm just feeling this same old doom feeling* which *seems to sink in deeper everyday*, it's actually disgusting the way I feel, I don't know why I have to suffer with this bullshit, I don't know we all have to suffer with this to be honest, wow, we got stressed a little, the fuck does it have to manifest into this bullshit, I see people my age with the same problems I got, but they don't have this shit on their shoulders 24/7, they're just going about their day, living life, etc. But because we get a little stressed, it turns into this shit, sorry i'm just venting here, this bullshit has actually ruined my life. What the fuck.
> 
> *I'm not even anxious about it, *not in the panicky sense, this has just taken over me that I have just gone so used to it, that it's slowly sinking in deeper everyday, this is the most pointless condition ever, what the fuck, I'm just bombarded with existential thoughts and the worst of it all, the existential feelings that I can't even shake off, it's with me 24/7 wherever I go.
> 
> I hope we all get out of this one day.


Yes, you're anxious about it. Your post reeks of anxiety. This impending sense of doom is a very classic symptom of anxiety, and you don't need high anxiety/panic for dp to manifest.

Some words of advice: don't think it's not caused by anxiety, it's only making you even more anxious and hence will create more symptoms (dp, visual distortions, you name it). It's already a proven fact that anxiety is the cause of dp! The key is to find out whether there maybe something else that fuels your anxiety besides dp itself (that vicious cycle).

Trust me, it does get better, and will pass eventually. I've talked to a lot of people both online and offline who suffered from it (even my own mother had dp). It's all up to you. I suffered for nearly 3 years before I started to actively take steps towards my recovery and it feels great. How did I start doing it? I stopped obsessing about it and reading blogs day in day out, got out of bed and started improving my life daily. The key is to look inside yourself and come to your own conclusion what causes you to be anxious, that's something you yourself know better than anyone else.


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## Ambre_solaire (Nov 9, 2013)

Do shit you want to do, live your life, disregard the unhelpful thoughts and work on yourself. The key to getting rid of depersonalisation is taking ownership of your life and making active choices that YOU believe in. Look up people pleasing and codependency. You have resigned yourself to this and have taken a backseat, letting fear dominate your life. Bascailly you have fallen back on whatever mechanisms you developed as a child. Be active not passive. Your choice.


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## Newky (Dec 11, 2013)

Ditto what has already been said. The wording in your post such as 'this dp' and referring to 'it' in a repetitive way is not healthy. First step is taking responsibility. 'This dp' and 'it' is you. You are this. This is such an important point and necessary to any kind of recovery.


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## MissLana (Jan 12, 2014)

I have a theory about the defense mechanism. I can see it being useful if you are about to die, go through something very painful, etc. Think back to the cave man days. Imagine that you are hunting a giant animal and it's running towards you, about to crush you or tear your head off. Before that happens, your brain may decide "Oh crap, I don't want to deal with the reality of this. TIME TO DISSOCIATE" and, you become numb, and it takes the mental pain away. Problem is, we may be programmed to dissociate in very harsh mental times, but, there aren't really any real dangers or threats out there, anymore. We don't have to be in constant fight / flight mode, running from some predator, or being terrified and being on edge because it's such a harsh world out there. But, my theory is, that whether it's a giant mammoth running at you, about to crush you, or even something as little as emotional and mental trauma, stress, or severe anxiety, the brain, for, WHATEVER FREAKING REASON, is designed to sometimes dissociate in stressful moments. It was perhaps much more useful thousands of years ago than it is now. I think you need to face whatever brought on your DP/DR head on, and remind yourself that you don't have to be in defense mode and dissociated all the time, because there is nothing to fear. Give yourself nothing to fear and your brain will slowly creep out of the cave it decided to go into, for a while. The brain is stressed and scared. That's why it's doing this to you. You being so frustrated and mad at your own brain and situation actually scares you even more. The brain will resume normal function when it sees there's no big scary monster waiting for it in the 'real world' -- and sometimes, the big scary monster is all the stress and trauma that one has experienced in their lives.


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## MissLana (Jan 12, 2014)

Yes, anxiety is a biggie. I think it's just a ruthless cycle. You're anxious because you have DP and your DP is getting worse / lingering for so long because you're anxious, which, makes you more anxious, which, keeps making things worse.

I have an autonomic nervous system dysfunction (dysautonomia). I produce too much adrenaline and was in fight / flight mode a lot well before I even got DP/DR. So, calming down for me, isn't as simple as I wish it was. I have anxiety but I also have it mostly because my nervous system is glitching and is over-producing various hormones and adrenaline, making my anxiety so hard to beat.

So yes, it's a defense mechanism and it's also a response to anxiety and stress. It could be a defense mechanism from your own stress. I've never been this stressed in my whole life. Even with my nervous system disorder and anxiety disorder, I NEVER had such severe panic attacks as I do now. DP takes a person's regular non-DPed stress response and magnifies it by so much. A lot of this can be blamed on the Amygdala portion of the brain and adrenaline production. My beta blocker blocks some of the adrenaline but since getting DP, it hasn't been helping as much. So, I know my adrenaline goes through the roof when my DP gets very bad, and, I'm pretty sure that happens to everyone else when it gets really bad and they start to panic, too.

I'm going to take a look at the links you posted because I am really bad at dealing with anxiety and I am known for catastrophizing.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless said:


> DP is not really (just) a defense mechanism, it is also the result of our misinterpretation and catastrophizing.
> 
> You all should look into simple panic/anxiety cures (panicend.com or nothingworks.weebly.com), because a lot of you are hugely underrating the role of cognitive distortions, just like I did.
> 
> ...


Not everyone with dp suffers panic and anxiety attacks...there is no catastrophizng or misinterpreting the dp is just "there" all the time


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## CharlieFreak (Nov 19, 2012)

missjess said:


> Not everyone with dp suffers panic and anxiety attacks...there is no catastrophizng or misinterpreting the dp is just "there" all the time


I think you would benefit from keeping an open mind to the ideas of people who have moved past what you are suffering from right now. When you have DP, you don't feel anxious because you dissociate from this negative emotions. When the DP lifts, the insecurity, the scared child, the feelings of worthlessness come back. That is what needs to be focused on. Not the symptoms or thoughts that come with DP


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

CharlieFreak said:


> I think you would benefit from keeping an open mind to the ideas of people who have moved past what you are suffering from right now. When you have DP, you don't feel anxious because you dissociate from this negative emotions. When the DP lifts, the insecurity, the scared child, the feelings of worthlessness come back. That is what needs to be focused on. Not the symptoms or thoughts that come with DP


You are probly right I guess I just can't find motivation coz I feel nothing all the time


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## MissLana (Jan 12, 2014)

CharlieFreak said:


> I think you would benefit from keeping an open mind to the ideas of people who have moved past what you are suffering from right now. When you have DP, you don't feel anxious because you dissociate from this negative emotions. When the DP lifts, the insecurity, the scared child, the feelings of worthlessness come back. That is what needs to be focused on. Not the symptoms or thoughts that come with DP


So, does that mean there are different levels of dissociation?

I am still connected to my emotions and I definitely feel sad, anxious, and I am very much aware of the negative emotions. I don't ever want to get to a point where I stop caring and stop feeling things. I'd say I feel things a bit less intensely than I did. Like... I sometimes wonder if I love my family anymore, or my dog, or my fiancee. I KNOW I do, and I know those feelings are there, but, under this cloud of DP, I've lost so much interest in so much because DP makes everything so much less fun. But, when I push myself, I do have fun. Just not as much fun as I'd have before my DP.

Like, yesterday, my fiancee and I spent the day together and I was really happy. But then when the moment was over, I was left wondering if I was really happy and in love and had a good time or if I just acted or convinced myself that I did. It's really hard to explain, but, everytime I get excited or happy over something, I second guess it later and wonder if it was the real me or if I was acting a certain way to keep up illusions.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

MissLana said:


> So, does that mean there are different levels of dissociation?
> I am still connected to my emotions and I definitely feel sad, anxious, and I am very much aware of the negative emotions. I don't ever want to get to a point where I stop caring and stop feeling things. I'd say I feel things a bit less intensely than I did. Like... I sometimes wonder if I love my family anymore, or my dog, or my fiancee. I KNOW I do, and I know those feelings are there, but, under this cloud of DP, I've lost so much interest in so much because DP makes everything so much less fun. But, when I push myself, I do have fun. Just not as much fun as I'd have before my DP.
> Like, yesterday, my fiancee and I spent the day together and I was really happy. But then when the moment was over, I was left wondering if I was really happy and in love and had a good time or if I just acted or convinced myself that I did. It's really hard to explain, but, everytime I get excited or happy over something, I second guess it later and wonder if it was the real me or if I was acting a certain way to keep up illusions.


This is why dp is so easy to change in the beginning! I would like to point that out, but then again there are some ppl who have this same type of dp for years but then others who don't feel any emotion anymore


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