# new here...some questions



## ::quizzical:: (Aug 4, 2006)

I have anxiety disorder along with obessive thoughts and just recently my therapist told me about depersonalization. When I get anxious, I dissociate as my coping mechanism, and then in that state, i feel powerful and in control of everything, but its scary. It almost feels like another side of me emerges. It happened the first time when I was involved in a cult. I was acting silly like I always did (I guess we did this just playing around) then he started scaring me and I dissociated away from what he was saying, and in that state, i completely flipped out...I was raging at him and directing all my anger toward him. I think this was a coping mechanism because I felt like my mental state was in danger, like he was brainwashing me or something...then it passed and i had intense feelings of dp/dr.

So, senior year i started developing anxiety again and whenever i would get really anxious, I would dissociate and enter into my "powerful" state that could control everything. Has anyone ever heard of this? My therapist says its DP and can be treated with anxiety treatments. It's almost like a panic attack...I start getting anxious, then I act silly to try and escape then I dissociate and go back and forth between the two, and finally something triggers and I feel a rush of energy like I could just punch something hard and I'm powerful and in control and nothing can stop me. What the hell is this? Please help, any advice would be great. After it stops, i have a major panic attack and I'm crying so hard my face hurts. I feel like I'm living in my mind instead of in reality. Is this Bipolar? Anxiety? Dp/Dr...or something else?

Thanks


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## widescreened (Jun 22, 2005)

Hi quizicall. the first thing is that your doctor is right, you do have the symptoms of depersonalization disorder. you should feel very lucky to have found him as 99.9% of medics have no idea of this disorder/ facade of consciousness. it only becomes a disorder when it starts to permiate your life, the more you experience it and the more freaked out by it you become, the worse the dread is anticipating the next episode. 
Depersonalization disorder is a state of consciousness which makes you dissociate from a threatening situation, whether real or imaginary. The feelings of detatchment are there to protect you, fear of freaking out does this. 
So remember that ity is 100% natural to feel this way SOMETIMES. Its when it starts to control your life that it becomes a problematic disorder. Find out the trauma thats causing it, face it little by little, get used to the fear until you are no longer crippled by it and move in this direction. Acceptence of fear and anxiety MUST be part of a coping strategy. These are real human emotional experiences, and to deny them is to deny being human. Good luck with your journey. yYu will learn a lot about yourself and the human condition with this experience.


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