# I can't fuking take this fear of SZ anymore...



## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Hey everyone,

Well I hate to admit that I have these types of intrusive thoughts and it's really hard for me to talk about it for the obvious reason of being labelled as crazy

but anyways, all day long I had intrusive thoughts that were basically "delusional-like" thoughts. Something that a schizophrenic would believe in. For example,I

had the thought of "what if someone was spying on me" or what if someone at work was against me or something like that.

Now, this is were I start to have that panicking/overwhelming fear feeling and I'll start to rationalize. Do I believe in these thoughts?...no I don't believe

in them one bit. But the fact is I am having weird thoughts and that is seen in people in the pre stage of SZ.

Thank god I actually don't believe in these thoughts but still...

And according to The Game, DP can lead into psychotic illnesses.

So should I just accept the fact that I am close to losing it or what?


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## Guest (Jul 12, 2011)

go get on an anti-psychotic, not because i think your going schizo but because they have an anti-anxiety aspect and they will stop those thoughts.


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Well, it may be worth getting on a low dose of an anti-psychotic to both lower anxiety and calm your fears of schizophrenia. I highly doubt you are at risk though, as many psychiatrists I have spoken with have assured me that those heading towards delusional thoughts will not have any perspective on the questionable nature of their ideas. I think you are in the clear. I think you also have to ask yourself whether you are helped by your fear. Your mind is trying to protect you from the possibility of schizophrenia, but in reality you can't reason your way out of a mental illness. Intrusive thoughts are really common, although I agree they aren't pleasant.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

well i tried risperidone and my DP felt worse and i felt agitated. any suggestions?


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## Guest (Jul 12, 2011)

Jayd said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> Well I hate to admit that I have these types of intrusive thoughts and it's really hard for me to talk about it for the obvious reason of being labelled as crazy
> 
> ...


NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO ...

I'm in a a rather good mood, but Jayden I want to throttle you.

Schizophrenia is SO dramatic and is a completely different disorder (I have a cousin with schizophrenia and he would not be able to write the paragraph you have written -- he is 17 -- he can barely function, and to the best of my knowledge doesn't speak of having DP and didn't have it before the schizoprhenia hit.

The GAME is WRONG, I'm sorry, but DP CANNOT LEAD TO PSYCHOSIS.

You are thinking of things you THINK an individual with psychosis would think -- you've been Googling too much!







-- and then thinking of these things obsessively.

Also, when I was a teen, when I didn't know what was wrong with me for years, I had times where say I heard people talking in the distance, and thought I was imagining it and "losing it." But then I would say to myself, "this is ridiculous" and sure enough it would be a bunch of kids talking outside and the sound echoed inside.

Also I am musical, if I am on a train, or plane, or a passenger in a car, I will sort of "hear" orchestrations of things in the sounds the vehicles make. THAT IS NOT CRAZY.

And here's something that makes me laugh now that probably would have scared me when I was young (but there wasn't the technology) ... I will go to sleep, and in the morning, I hear my cell phone play my message tone, or ring ... and later I see the phone wasn't even turned ON. The mind "fills in the gaps." It's NORMAL. I find it fascinating. I would have been freaked out when I was young, but I also had night terrors, and hypnopompic/hynogogic sp? dreams, completely "gone" when it had to do with sleep, etc., etc. I am still here, all these years later -- NOT psychotic.

You need to talk with someone about this, you need to take something to calm your anxiety. My thought always is Klonopin which helped me and continues to help me so much. It saved my life. Also Lamictal.

But with Klonopin/clonazepam ...DO NOT TAKE AS NEEDED. You go to a set daily doseage and stay there. It is a maintenance medication. And I swear to God, after trying other benzos that did NOTHING to help my anxiety which is HUGE ... it's a part of me ... I'm a very anxious person ... those other benzos did not work, and even if I took MORE they didn't work. Klonopin was different FOR ME.

And as some say here, some anti-psychotics are TRANQUILIZERS essentially (different from SSRIs/antidepressants) ... they may help slow your mind down.

But let me tell you, I am RELATED to a young person who is suffering schizoprhenia. He is in Hell, he can barely communicate. You are not "presenting" here at least with the symptoms of schizoprhenia. I would stake my life on it. I am not a doctor, but I would. Or I'd lay some money down.

You need to talk this out with a doctor, you need to perhaps take some medication temporarily to get a hold on things.

DP/DR is AWFUL, I know. But it is NOT, and will NOT become schizophrenia or psychosis.

End of lecture.


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## Guest (Jul 12, 2011)

Jayd said:


> well i tried risperidone and my DP felt worse and i felt agitated. any suggestions?


I was on older psychotics in the past ... early 1980s, they all made me feel horrible -- TERRIBLE DP/DR. I will not take Abilify, or anything like it, though people here have found very small doses (but ENOUGH) can calm you down. You may need to experiment with a few drugs, under an M.D.'s supervision, but you need to TALK with someone, and also work in DBT or CBT to help get your thoughts under control.


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## Guest (Jul 12, 2011)

But the big question is ... how long are you staying on a significant dose of any medication. Are you giving ANY med a chance to work or are you stopping them. Not all drugs kick in right away, or you need to push a dose. For me, I was so anxious Klonopin did NOTHING for me until I hit 6mg. I have NEVER abused it.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

i am on 0.25mg klonopin which isnt enough. I dont take it everyday. I know this sounds bad but i stop taking it after wednesdays so i can drink on the weekends ( i dont go overboard in the drinking though).

I gave risperidone 3 days cause it made me feel like shit.

and i gave celexa almost 2 weeks and i felt to out of it.


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## Guest (Jul 12, 2011)

Jayd said:


> i am on 0.25mg klonopin which isnt enough. I dont take it everyday. I know this sounds bad but i stop taking it after wednesdays so i can drink on the weekends ( i dont go overboard in the drinking though).
> 
> I gave risperidone 3 days cause it made me feel like shit.
> 
> and i gave celexa almost 2 weeks and i felt to out of it.


OK, this answers some questions. And I make no judgement.

You already know you aren't giving the klonopin a chance, really at all. But drinking is a drug, it is a DEPRESSANT, not a tranquilizer.

You already know you have to make some major choices. SSRIs take sometimes 6 weeks to work which is awful if you have serious depression, and side-effects don't come on right away. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

My first choice for you would be ... try to work on lifestyle, and that one thing would be ... no drinking. Alcohol MAKES me DP/DR ... so does caffeine. Sadly I need my cup of coffee in the morning. But I know when I feel more DP I did it to myself! I can't complain about it, lol.

Please:
1. Give yourself a month
2. Try to stop the drinking. And if it is connected with socializing, you don't have to defend yourself to friends. People have offered me joints, and other crap at parties my whole life, I just say "No thanks" and they don't care, they're too high!

3. I would go back to the Klonopin. TAKE IT AS PRESCRIBED AND NO DOCTOR WHO KNOWS WHAT HE/SHE IS DOING WILL SAY TAKE IT AS NEEDED, IT WAS CREATED IN 1975 AS AN ANTICONVULSANT. Oops, not yelling. No one takes their anticonvulsant "as needed" or their heart medication "as needed."

4. Slowly increase the dose. It should have a calming effect. And as I said, it was the first drug to start lifting my DP/DR, but at 8mg which we pulled down to 6mg as I was just sleepy at 8mg. Below the 6mg the DP/DR was back to where I started.

Try to just give yourself a time frame, and if it doesn't work, then let go. And I know it isn't easy. But you know yourself, you are not helping yourself.

Good luck.


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## Guest (Jul 12, 2011)

Dreamer* said:


> Also I am musical, if I am on a train, or plane, or a passenger in a car, I will sort of "hear" orchestrations of things in the sounds the vehicles make. THAT IS NOT CRAZY.


true. if that'd be crazy or schizo, than all the great songwriters and directors are crazy.


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## Guest (Jul 12, 2011)

Jayd...

Do you see a therapist? If so, what do they say about this subject of schizophrenia?


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Dreamer* said:


> OK, this answers some questions. And I make no judgement.
> 
> You already know you aren't giving the klonopin a chance, really at all. But drinking is a drug, it is a DEPRESSANT, not a tranquilizer.
> 
> ...


Not even one beer or rum n coke on the weekend?? that will kill me haha.


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## Guest (Jul 13, 2011)

Jayd said:


> Not even one beer or rum n coke on the weekend?? that will kill me haha.


Try non-alcoholic beer. Fewer calories. I love Clausthaler Amber.








Really, the more variables you add to the whole thing the more confusing it gets.
Once you're settled and feel better, you can add a bit o' whatever .. alcohol (my doctor has said this).

I have a glass of wine now and then. I hate regular beer. And yeah, I'm girlie, I like margueritas. One a year, lol.

Please give it all a try.
See you have a sense of humor. You're not psychotic!


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Dreamer* said:


> Try non-alcoholic beer. Fewer calories. I love Clausthaler Amber.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, I'll definitely cut back a lot! Sleeping in a car on friday night (was at a race car competition away from home with friends), lack of sleep on the weekend and splitting a two six of rum with my friend probably is why the last couple days I've been more anxious. So instead of getting buzzed/drunk/tipsy (Never black out drunk) I'll just have a beer for now. I know me, I won't be able to just completely quit. My friends will think something is definitely wrong then !


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Jayd

I told you a while back that you need to work on the anxeity and OCD, because consantly asking for reasurance if you'll get schizophrenia is feeding into it, and will become a ritual, and you don't need any more stress.

Seriously, try the meditation I recommended, it's used to help OCD and anxeity. What you have is Health OCD. You need to focus on reducing your general anxeity, which feeds into the OCD and into the DP. Mindfulness works, by acting as a distraction technique for when you get intrusive/ distressing thoughts. Please please do this, and not researching. This form of meditation is used a lot to help with OCD and anxeity. The less anxeity you have, the less the OCD, the less the fear of schizophrenia etc.

You need to break this circle of asking for reasurance, because part of the problem with OCD, is that the more reasurance you get the more it feeds into the OCD.


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## blondieblue (Jul 6, 2011)

this post is so unbelievably reassuring, I suffer from the same crippling fear of developing schizophrenia and constantly need reassurance from others that this hell I am going through will not cause it. I am 23 years old and have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks on and off for the last 6 years. I have been through phases when it is so bad but it has never been like this how I feel at the moment. I would be so grateful if someone could reply and let me know if some of the symptoms Ive listed below are normal for DP/DR and if anyone else can relate to them.

- feeling like I dont know where I am/ who I am
- unable to feel my body/ how I'm positioned/ if I am sitting in a weird way 
- feeling like I don't know my location/ feeling disconnected from things ive just done or places Ive just been - like Ill remember them but feel like it wasnt me there
- feeling really disconnected from my memories - both recent and very old ones
- strange feeling when walking, like i feel like i cant walk forwards 
- feeling like I'm going to fly upwards/ float upwards/ be pulled sideways 
- feeling like I can't understand spaces/ even worse when I'm outside, like I efel like I dont know where the ground is from the sky/ up from down
- terrifying feeling of realization that I am alive and its me who needs to continue my life
- feeling unable to talk sometimes/ unable to express what I mean/ scared its coming out all wrong
- terrified to move, makes me so aware that I am real and alive (obviously I keep moving but it feels so unnatural to me)
- Time feels strange like I feel like I dont know what a day is or a year is( even though i can rationally say to myself what it is)
- Mind blanks and feeling without any thoughts
- Whenever inside i constantly think about the outside world and question if its real which makes me feel like i dont know where i am
- strange head feeling whenever I am talking or thinking
- feel like there is no space to move into/ everything looks flat and feel like i cant walk forwards
- feeling like just a protruding figure from the earths surface 
-feel like I cant talk to people/ find it hard to look at them when I am talking 
- constant feeling of extreme fear that I am going to just slip away and go crazy and no longer be able to function or recognize my surroundings

These are just a few of the many terrifying things i feel on a day to day basis. 
It would be so helpful if someone could give me any advice or if they could tell me some of their own symptoms that are similar to mine as I am going out of my mind here, I feel desperate and unable to cope!

Thanks


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Yeah those all sound like DP. The problem with me is I have read so much about SZ that I know everything about it know.

You don't have any symptoms that would relate to it, you are fine.


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## blondieblue (Jul 6, 2011)

Jayd said:


> Yeah those all sound like DP. The problem with me is I have read so much about SZ that I know everything about it know.
> 
> You don't have any symptoms that would relate to it, you are fine.


I used to do that Jayd, I would research symptoms day and night for schizophrenia convincing myself that I had many of them and was about to develop all of them and all it did was frighten me and fed into my anxiety...I would constantly be listening out for voices and asking my family if they could see the things that I could see and if they heard a noise that I had heard...I would sit for hours questioning whether I thought there were people following me, if I thought I was somoeone else etc etc checking all the things I had read about...it was awful and extremely frightening...BUT I DID NOT GO CRAZY! and it passed, not because I finally convinced myself I wasn't going crazy, as the constant questioning and obsessing only makes the fear worse, but because with time I learnt how to stop thinking these thoughts and focused my attention elsewhere...Its not easy I know, but you have to keep diverting your mind to other things. This was about 2 years ago and I spent those 2 years leading a very happy healthy life with no anxiety just the occasional panic attack...
unfortunately now its all back but its different this time and I feel much much worse...the DP/DR feelings are unbearable and the fear of slipping away into another reality is what scares me the most. 
But you just have to have hope and continue living your life knowing it WILL get better and you are going to be COMPLETELY FINE!

hope this helps a little bit! I really understand what you're going through!


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

This week has been so bad.

Like I have so many "delusional-like" thoughts such as "people being after me" to friends or "people spying on me" etc... And its like, "NO I DONT BELIEVE IN THEM!" but it's just wearing me down.

I guess it's good that I can rationalize, but I can't help but think having DP/DR and these kind of thoughts are the beginning of losing my sanity


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## blondieblue (Jul 6, 2011)

Jayd said:


> This week has been so bad.
> 
> Like I have so many "delusional-like" thoughts such as "people being after me" to friends or "people spying on me" etc... And its like, "NO I DONT BELIEVE IN THEM!" but it's just wearing me down.
> 
> I guess it's good that I can rationalize, but I can't help but think having DP/DR and these kind of thoughts are the beginning of losing my sanity


The fact that you know they are delusional and that u can say to youself that you dont believe them means you are not delusional or schizophrenic!!! I would also think a "delusional" thought to check myself if I believed it, and the more i checked with myself the more i THOUGHT i believed it which would send me into such panic because I felt like I couldnt say for definite whether I believed it or not...THIS IS JUST AN OVER-ANXIOUS OVER-VIGILANT MIND!!! its totally normal I promise you...you are just constantly checking (as am I still) whether you feel/think this and that which an unanxious person doesnt do...so you need to find a way to stop those thoughts in their tracks before they grow out of proportion and be sure in the fact that you will not go crazy because its a fact!


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## JenS (Jul 10, 2011)

Is it better to accept that you are having crazy thoughts, or fight them off with constant affirmations that your not? It's all so exhausting to me... I have the same feelings you guys do every single minute of the day and I'm panicky because it's the weekend and I'm more alone with my thoughts. I don't feel like my old self at all. Klonopin helps take the edge off but there is like this voice in my head (and I know I'm not schizophrenic) telling me I losing it all the day. Where are my old thoughts? Anyway, I feel your pain, and I hope we all lift out of this, which I know we will.. JS


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## _Gottlieb_ (Nov 6, 2011)

blondieblue said:


> I would also think a "delusional" thought to check myself if I believed it, and the more i checked with myself the more i THOUGHT i believed it which would send me into such panic because I felt like I couldnt say for definite whether I believed it or not...THIS IS JUST AN OVER-ANXIOUS OVER-VIGILANT MIND!!! its totally normal I promise you...


This sounds so much like me. Thx a lot. Helps to know that other persons have very very similar problems to mine !


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