# anyone on here from MA? have memory problems?



## whitewater11 (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi All,

I am new here and have been suffering from D/R & D/P for 3 years. I have been trying to get on here for a while but had trouble logging in and can finally post. My memory is so bad because of this disorder that its hard to remember exact dates. I only remember when this started because I was just getting out of a bad relationship. I have posted on a different site and have gotten alot out of it.

Is anyone on here from MA? I would really love to find people and meet a person face to face that has this. It helps just knowing I am not alone in this but I would like to take it a step further. I feel foreign when I am with family and friends because I feel like I am soooo different. I have been told I am good at hiding my depression but its just an act. I don't want to bring anyone else down with me and they really aren't very understanding. It must be hard for them too because it doesn't make sense to someone who never experienced it.

My memory is so bad, short term and long term. I remember random things that you wouldn't expect but then don't remember things I should. This is very frustrating & affects all aspects of my life, especially my job. Again I must be good at hiding this because my bosses all say I do an amazing job. I feel like its just a matter of time before I fully lose it. Some days are much worse than others, but none I would ever consider good no matter what I did that day. I used to be so outgoing and fearless (in a good way) and now I feel like I am hiding inside myself because I think such crazy thoughts so often times I am quiet because I am afraid what I may say.

Does anyone else have memory problems or any of the other things I mentioned?

-K


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## Tee (Sep 22, 2006)

> My memory is so bad, short term and long term. I remember random things that you wouldn't expect but then don't remember things I should.


I don't know if I have DP yet, (I'm pretty sure I do but I haven't talked to a doctor yet) but this describes me accurately.


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## dreamvertigo (Sep 23, 2006)

I also have a really bad memory. I also tend to repeat myself a lot to the same people... forgetting that I already told them the same things. Some of the memory problem comes from DP and I believe some comes from the medicine. I have a friend that gets seizures and has taken the same meds as I take for bipolar depression and dp, she also has a poor memory. I worry that my forgettfulness will interfere with relationships and my work, yet no one can tell anything is wrong with me. I take this as a blessing and a curse. A blessing bc I appear "normal" to the average person therefore reducing the likelyhood of being thought of as crazy. Yet a curse bc everyone thinks I'm fine and able to go about life the same way as a completely healthy person should, which is very challenging when your sense of self and reality is non-existent. 
To help my poor memory I write a lot of things down on post-its and stick them all over my desk. My close friends and family know about my illness so they tolerate my forgettfulness as best they can. As I am gradually getting my reality back I am starting to realize that I never actually lost my memory, I just misplaced it for a while.


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## dreamvertigo (Sep 23, 2006)

I also have a really bad memory. I also tend to repeat myself a lot to the same people... forgetting that I already told them the same things. Some of the memory problem comes from DP and I believe some comes from the medicine. I have a friend that gets seizures and has taken the same meds as I take for bipolar depression and dp, she also has a poor memory. I worry that my forgettfulness will interfere with relationships and my work, yet no one can tell anything is wrong with me. I take this as a blessing and a curse. A blessing bc I appear "normal" to the average person therefore reducing the likelyhood of being thought of as crazy. Yet a curse bc everyone thinks I'm fine and able to go about life the same way as a completely healthy person should, which is very challenging when your sense of self and reality is non-existent. 
To help my poor memory I write a lot of things down on post-its and stick them all over my desk. My close friends and family know about my illness so they tolerate my forgettfulness as best they can. As I am gradually getting my reality back I am starting to realize that I never actually lost my memory, I just misplaced it for a while.


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## Methusala (Dec 22, 2005)

Memory is one of the areas that dissociation can effect. The scid-d psychiatric test for dissociation issues includes tests for memory problems:
http://www.strangerinthemirror.com

M


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## lilames (May 29, 2007)

whitewater11 said:


> Is anyone on here from MA?


Yes, I am from MA. I also noticed that since I've had DR my memory has become worse. Time usually means nothing to me either. Like it will be 9am, but it won't feel like 9am. I also wake up at the same time everyday. I don't know if this happens to anyone else. It's annoying because no matter what time I go to bed, I'll still wake up at the same time, and it's usually 9am or earlier. Sometimes 8am. I go to bed pretty late, like 1am, so yeah.


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## SilentChaos (Jul 11, 2007)

I am also from MA and I too have memory problems. I used to be very sharp and could remember long numbers and dates, etc... now I feel like I have Alzheimer's. I forget what I am talking about mid sentence at times... if I am on the phone and someone says something to me.. they cancel out each other and I get none of the conversations. It is very annoying and embarrassing. I am always forgetting simple things... I find I lose my concentration as I go about my day, kind of like ADD but I was not like this as a kid so it is not ADD. I will do something and a minute goes by and I think Oh I need to do... whatever it was I just did... really stupid and basic things.. it doesn't help that I am blond cause I get the dumb blond label but, then again it can be a good excuse! I would love to be able to meet people in real life that do understand me and feel the same. This is quite a load to carry, quite a secret to keep as I have tried without success through many, many years to explain myself to my family who just basically thinks I am crazy or faking it? Been having anxiety/dp since I was 13 I am 40 now... that's a long time to be pretending.. and for what? _I never did understand them, their rationale is less convincing than mine!_


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## Anla (May 1, 2007)

I have fought through many problems with my working memory. 2,000mgs of fish oil 2x per day helps here. My job requires my working memory to be strong. At times the working memory job requirements seem over the top, and I just want to scream, rather than do the work. But as I have no choice, in order to do the job, I just fight through it. With God's help, somehow I get the work done.

I have thought about changing jobs, but I have had the same type of work since the 1970s, and I think it would be harder to change at this point than to just keep fighting along with this one. And there are lots of things I do pretty well, because I use the habits I formed before 1999, when this mess started.

I live in VA, and would also like to meet and talk with others with dr.

Anla


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