# 10 Years of Chronic Dp/Dr; 23 year old recovering heroin addict



## bravemuffincake (Nov 15, 2020)

Hi all, just wanted to introduce myself super quickly. *TLDR: I got dp/dr at 14 from smoking pot, got into hard drugs and got sober. *

*Life has never been better, although I believe that it will get much better. You are not alone, message me if you need help.*

My name is Drew, I'm 23 years old, and like the title says, I've suffered from this condition for close to 10 years now.

When I was 14, I smoked way too weed my first time, having an awful trip. Woke up like this the next day and had it ever since.

I have every symptom you can think of such as visual disturbances, detachment from self and others, paranoia, panic attacks, the list goes on.

Shortly thereafter, I transferred from private school to public, renounced my religion at the time (Christianity), and became the school burnout.

From sophomore year to junior year I regularly ditched class, smoked weed with other potheads, and experimented with drugs.

I did literally every drug you could think of besides crack, all which made my anxiety/dp/dr much worse but I continued to do it anyways (dumb I know).

In 2015, I graduated high school with a 2.0 GPA and then attended a local community college where I would take random ass classes with no real direction.

I did poor in college those first two years, as I was more concerned with raving and taking ecstasy with my girlfriend at the time. I broke up with her winter 2016 at

18, and for the next few months I partied like crazy. I drank heavily and did coke with a bunch of different types of people. College kids, old friends, normal people, homeless kids,

it was a weird mix. Also forgot to mention that junior year of high school I got involved with the dark net and started to order drugs like acid and molly to sell,

eventually started doing credit card fraud.

Now here comes the best part. At 19, around Spring 2017, I got introduced to heroin. I began shooting up everyday within a matter a months. This went on for 2 years.

I had to start stealing power tools from hardware stores to maintain my addiction. I became an absolute fiend. I sold everything I had for the drug, I'd take out credit card loans to pay for it.

At some points I had to panhandle at the gas station for people to fill up my gas so I could go steal tools and sell them to buy dope. I overdosed, my girlfriend overdosed multiple times,

and I had other friends overdose. Dropping off people at the hospital unconscious was a regular thing (tons of fentanyl).

I became homeless, was living in my car, and then my mom texted me saying I had a warrant for stealing tools so I checked into rehab in March 2019 and my life completely changed.

I got off drugs, moved into a sober living after rehab, found a full time job, and went back to school. Right now, I have about 20 months sober. I found a new sense of purpose in life helping others recover from addiction,

being there for my family, and focusing on my education. Now I rent a room at a pretty nice apartment complex in a upscale city. This fall I started a computer science degree and I'm hoping to get 2 A's, 1 B, and 1 Pass, so like a 3.6ish GPA compared to a 2.3 GPA I had my first 2 years at community college, not bad for a heroin addict, right? Life is good at the moment. It has it's ups and downs but I am extremely grateful to have the

opportunity to be here typing this. I hope I can get to know some of you.

The things that have helped me are the keto diet, HIIT like CrossFit, having a stable job, rebuilding relationships with family, making new friends, praying, and meditation.

At this point I'm maybe 80%? recovered. Idk, I don't like to measure it or put a number on it. I still have all the symptoms of this condition, my eyesight is probably the same as its ever been

if not worse from all the drugs I did. But... My ability to cope with it is how I measure my success meaning I'm able to live a normal functioning life despite seeing life through a glass window, while

occasionally overanalyzing my existence and scaring myself with intrusive thoughts lol. I get a lot of joy and fulfillment out of life. At times life gets overwhelming, but for the most part I'm happier now than any other point in my life. For me its been all about accepting it on a daily basis. I might have this forever, idk I can't see into the future, but I'd be fine with that tbh. Although I say this, I do have faith that one day I will recover

or at least put it into some sort of remission where it doesn't come up as frequently as it currently does.

I'll end it with this. You guys are incredible human beings (even though sometimes you might not feel like one). Every day you make it alive is another victory, and that's something to be proud of.

Put your situation into perspective. This undoubtedly will be the hardest thing we will ever have to go through, but oh boy when we make it out will it feel so good. I have faith that we all will, no matter what your

situation is. The human spirit is the strongest force of energy in existence, our minds the most complex thing god/nature ever created. Don't give up faith in yourself. I believe in all of you and I mean it from

the bottom of my heart. If you need someone to talk to, message me and I will reply. Keep your head up. Life does get better, just take it one step at a time.


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## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

Good job man! It's weird for a lot of people they feel better when they leave there unhealthy lifestyle behind. For me it was the other way around, I started to feel worse when I quit smoking and drinking. It helped me alot, maybe because it numbed me down. And made me not give a fuck, and just be. Now I don't do anything and live pretty healthy and feel the worse I have ever been.


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## bravemuffincake (Nov 15, 2020)

Aridity said:


> Good job man! It's weird for a lot of people they feel better when they leave there unhealthy lifestyle behind. For me it was the other way around, I started to feel worse when I quit smoking and drinking. It helped me alot, maybe because it numbed me down. And made me not give a fuck, and just be. Now I don't do anything and live pretty healthy and feel the worse I have ever been.


Thanks man! I get where you're coming from, that's kind of where I'm at. I didn't really think much of my condition for the 2 years I was using opiates because they completely masked all my symptoms or just made me stop giving a fuck too. But when I got sober, it's like everything I was running from came to the surface, and there was nowhere to run. What I had to do was work on those feelings in the present moment. I had to flip them around and make something positive out of them.

I've spent the last month locked in my room studying and doing homework since it's the end of the semester, and I've been feeling my symptoms like crazy. I'm stuck on the computer all night, always in my head trying to solve math problems and eventually thinking too much into my own thoughts. What works for me is to flip that switch off in my mind where I usually just get into a semi-flow state and just live life. Wake up, drive to work, listen to music or podcasts, socialize with coworkers, come home, meet up friends for dinner occasionally, workout, etc. All things that a regular ass person does.

What I'm tryna get at is we're not meant as humans to just sit around all day and think. That is especially true for us with dp/dr that feel the need to constantly assess how we're feeling. Or when getting sober you're mind gets super clear so you end up using it more often. The key to it is to be more present and not hyper analyze everything. A wild animal, say a honey badger for example, doesn't wake up and think "Oh man I feel tired today, I think I'm just gonna stay home and watch Netflix". No, they just get up and do what honey badgers do. Being sober adds that extra layer of thought process to our already overactive mind, so getting busy and just doing shit is crucial so that we don't think so much.


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## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

bravemuffincake said:


> Thanks man! I get where you're coming from, that's kind of where I'm at. I didn't really think much of my condition for the 2 years I was using opiates because they completely masked all my symptoms or just made me stop giving a fuck too. But when I got sober, it's like everything I was running from came to the surface, and there was nowhere to run. What I had to do was work on those feelings in the present moment. I had to flip them around and make something positive out of them.
> 
> I've spent the last month locked in my room studying and doing homework since it's the end of the semester, and I've been feeling my symptoms like crazy. I'm stuck on the computer all night, always in my head trying to solve math problems and eventually thinking too much into my own thoughts. What works for me is to flip that switch off in my mind where I usually just get into a semi-flow state and just live life. Wake up, drive to work, listen to music or podcasts, socialize with coworkers, come home, meet up friends for dinner occasionally, workout, etc. All things that a regular ass person does.
> 
> What I'm tryna get at is we're not meant as humans to just sit around all day and think. That is especially true for us with dp/dr that feel the need to constantly assess how we're feeling. Or when getting sober you're mind gets super clear so you end up using it more often. The key to it is to be more present and not hyper analyze everything. A wild animal, say a honey badger for example, doesn't wake up and think "Oh man I feel tired today, I think I'm just gonna stay home and watch Netflix". No, they just get up and do what honey badgers do. Being sober adds that extra layer of thought process to our already overactive mind, so getting busy and just doing shit is crucial so that we don't think so much.


SPOT ON! Couldn't agree more. that's exactly how it is yes. True.


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## Findmywayhome (Oct 11, 2020)

This is amazing. Kudos to you!


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## Aridity (Jun 12, 2011)

Findmywayhome said:


> This is amazing. Kudos to you!


You're still here? haha


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## lost235 (Sep 13, 2020)

Wow good job! A story like that is really impressive, you should be proud of yourself


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## Findmywayhome (Oct 11, 2020)

Aridity said:


> You're still here? haha


Unfortunately yes


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