# Curious about the whole depersonalization issue.



## The Wraith (Feb 2, 2006)

First, I'd like to say hello! I am new, and just have a few questions as I am interested in what I possibly could be suffering from.

I've suffered from what I thought were anxiety attacks for as long as I can remember. As early as 10 yrs old if not younger. I seemed to level out for a period of 5 years in my teens and they started getting more severe until I was about 20 yrs old. They went away for a while again briefly, and life resumed as normal. However, in the past 2 years it seems to have resurged. I have felt like I am in a constant state of anxiety. I stumbled upon the site and realized that the descriptions of what is called "depersonalisation" was very close to what I have been experiencing , and not what is commonly known as "anxiety disorder". I've been to psychiatrists, and doctors and they tell me I am fine or just prescribe me anti-anxiety meds that aren't very effective. I often have intrusive thoughts that scrutinize things like what is making me function, that my body is not my own, that I am possessed, and as of the last few months even when I speak I don't feel a connection between what I am saying and what I am thinking. It is a very peculiar feeling that I am not accustomed to. Without trying to psycho-analyse myself too much I just wanted to see what people that know more about this disorder thought about some of these symptoms.

- Feeling despondent for no reason and then have sudden bursts of energy.

- Feeling like an apparition, or like you are not "real"

- When talking to others , feeling like you are talking to someone else or not speaking at all. If anyone can make sense of that.

- Feeling like you are going to die , or inexplicably lose the ability to function.

- Plagued with incessant fear about "disappearing".

A lot of the time these symptoms are associated with physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat or a constant lump in the throat, and difficulty swallowing. Can anyone else relate to these things?How can it be treated?

Thanks!


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## Luka (Aug 30, 2005)

I cannot diagnose of course, but it seems like DP. I can relate to alot of feelings you have. What kind of meds did you get (names)? I am using Seroxat for about 3-4 years now and it helped me. That doesn't mean it should help you, but if you didn't use this med, maybe you can try it out.


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## The Wraith (Feb 2, 2006)

Well, I do thank you for your reply. I am not looking for a diagnosis however, just people to relate to. 

As far as the meds I have been on. I have been prescribed a plethora of meds from Paxil to Strattera. All the meds do is exacerbate how I feel. After so long of growing tired of meds to fix it, I started drinking heavily every night for about a year. It helped up until last fall, now I can't drink because I have built up an intolerance to alcohol. I'll ask my doc about that drug. But as far as now. They are just treating it as an acute anxiety disorder, and pass these descriptions off as superficial. I just feel crippled by things latley. It is ruining my relationships. I can't fathom doing anything. Concentrating on reading, playing guitars, doing anything period seems "strange" because I don't feel "real". I have always had a strong grasp on things albeit my anxiety, but now I feel like I am going mad. So, perhaps your suggestion will help. Thanks lots!


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## Luka (Aug 30, 2005)

Your most welcome! I understand that this is ruining your social life, your hobbies and the energy to do anything. And I know the feeling of getting mad (we aren't getting mad). But drinking isn't the answer. Try healthier things like meditatie, exercise, writing, talking to someone etc. How long did you take your meds? You really can have side affects for the first month or so. That's something to get through, but it does get better after that.


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## The Wraith (Feb 2, 2006)

Well I was on Paxil CR for about 4 months, and all the others about a week or 2 at a time, at the max, before having to go to the hospital a couple of times because the medications caused adverse reactions. With the Paxil, it just stopped working and after a while the anxiety attacks just came back. At first it was at least once a day, then more than once. Then eventually since last March it has been an all day feeling that has developed into the symptoms I described in this thread. I am just worried about how it will affect me down the line. I want to get back to feeling normal again. How long would you say it would take after the medication starts to get back to normal? Also, do you know if any physical symptoms have been attributed to it? For example, tight throat, difficulty swallowing, occaisional slurred speech, rapid heart beat. Thanks for your suggestions!


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## Luka (Aug 30, 2005)

They usually give like 4 weeks. Slowly the side affects will fade away. The side affects can differ from person to person, but the usual things are: dizziness, dry throat, headaches, some weight gain, problems with getting an orgasm etc. I myself experienced dizziness the most.


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

The Wraith said:


> - Feeling despondent for no reason and then have sudden bursts of energy.


The above quote just screams bi-polar, I think. You might have bi-polar with a combination of panic/DP (and possibly OCD).

I was diagnosed with bi-polar last Spring, but I don't believe it. I don't have manic episodes, or anything like that. I'm just so goddam tense all the time.


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## The Wraith (Feb 2, 2006)

1A said:


> The Wraith said:
> 
> 
> > - Feeling despondent for no reason and then have sudden bursts of energy.
> ...


I have always thought it could be manic depression. But I have been very close to people who have had bi polar disorders, and I don't think I have it. At least not as bad as they did/do. I am tense all the time as well. I have been going through phases where I am constantly restless, and my limbs feel as if they are not there , not really numb , or I fear paralysis upon laying down w/ a constant fear that I am going to inexplicably stop breathing. My throat and back of my neck is ALWAYS tight and in pain even though I sleep up to 10 - 14 hours a day and drink plenty of liquids (non alcoholic). Now as far as the OCD , I know I have that. It also doesn't help that I have a near perfect memory. Not that I would call it photogenic, but a very vivid one. The enigma about dp/dr is though , I have been diagnosed with acute anxiety disorder, but I have a hard time believing all these symptoms can spawn from stress alone.


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