# Free Flowing



## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

I realized while on DP that working with word association was very good as catharsis and sometimes unconscious issues or motifs would surface. so, i wanted to invite anyone here to try free-flow some poetry... no need to think much about it, if its random , its random, it dosnt need to be beautiful or perfect, its more about the spontaneous word association, and creative expression. Also., no need to structure it, and doesnt even have to rhyme, just write things as they come to your mind.

Dear Demeter, Goddess of harvest, sometimes i feel like im out there looking for marvels, composite universes, dream analogies... catalogues. I still cry though, no way to stop this madness, before i used to think i d laugh harder, climb up that hill, look down. didnt stutter, placed that puppy in my plate, then patted it, here, good dog, where you been i missed you so, purple devil, disguised Self, looking from up there thinking im insane. nowhere to run, i know i ll end up waking up, it seems im the fool, loving my Mother, Earth is cold but here i matter, the Sun judges, his bastard son entangled, in those vines of ilusion and darkness, he sends more ambassadors; they get trapped too, time rebels against Chronus, Mars watches, Venus in furs, i ll take another walk down there, see if it hurts, i seem to never get the lesson, work for treason, sell my spirit. Parachutes and frambuesas, hey no Spanish amigo, keep it on the blue side, gooses obliged, bend down their heads and salute the golden hen. Glass feasants, blue-green cyano-bacteria, soft evolution, love grows in a distant future, i build my tower to heaven, spirals and sea-shells, shadows and black sparrows. take them all, these toys i will not abandon, have they cried in your abscence, child-God. You're the true hero, great keeper of sanity, fear shatters as you walk into the palace, this is your kingdom, this is your playground, i ll be your most trusted toy, i ll be your friend, we ll make music, dance, kiss heaven and rise, high and low, beautiful phoenix watching your eyes glow, full of light, yours is my will, i shall look no more, i shall slay the dragon, difuse the shadow. 
In my dreams i had seen the dreamer, writing his poems, playing with rodents, befriending the beasts, casting riddles and fooling around, everyone is loved including Saturn, eyes tuned, in to the One, last night i almost wished i would wake up, still much to do, still evade You, i like to pretend im lost in this room, windows wide open, too much breeze is cold for my tea, fine chamomille, i just wish i could fall in love, live the dream. Peppermint and cinamon, spices and herbs, my cooking is almost like Alchemy, eleven spoonfulls of wisdom, twelve of desire. always miss the mark, maybe its on purpose, im still waiting for her to show up, knock on my door, stand in awe. hell is nothing but a worthy ride, ignorance is bliss, block the Sun, marry in the dark. we ll rise together and stand shameless before the One, in all our nakedness, in all our heart. blue-birds fly, flamingoes try, all too good for me to cry, no need for perfection, a couple of toasts and stolen honey, im sure He wont mind, after all im his son.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

ok now i ll try a very fast free flow which will not make much sense but still, even more probable to explore the way you associate things in your mind, and maybe reveal even deeper motifs in your psychology. that and also pure randomness









philosophy is like the cornerstone of your tomb, always sparkling in the eye-shade, wandering and waving, im not drowning im caving, is that even a word i dont fry, almost cardinal spoons and caviar, trying to cap some taps and tap some frozen tunas, dolphin free my ass, i bet you collide them against you stetoscopic android-handed maidens that ramble, on and on about eucaliphtus and acacias, botanical insanity, burden of humanity. Oregon and Oregano, italo-americano, figlio di Jupiter, franchising and animalizing, two bucks of lemon and one of surprising, frown rising, is this guy just prancing, im too young to see, maybe i ll send him a letter, love and hate, fear and anger, those are the seeds i grow in m garden, pollution is unavoidable, like two rocks that share the same totem, eagles swine, bird flu and laughter, tomorrow i ll wake up with a frog and buttercup, smooth dandelion, pallatable angel, i ll eat your wings if you go tell them, about my forbidden salmon. tree of life unravels, some fight and some travel, desert storms and vulnerable beetles, praising God to forbid their deeds, leeches feed from my scattered brain, almost grotesque but quite pintoresque, if you think about it, tomorrow it ll be ten days since we started, looking at each other's nest, building pirate forests, iluminated factories, ten days from now we ll be trading laughter. Humor is the one key, the other is imagination, ten crocodriles and two black tomatoes, egyptian fantasy, violet tapestry, i keep ten coins in ten bedrooms, one for each gnom, in case they might fancy a beautiful whore. oh no thats so wrong, i take it back, in case they might fancy some bread and some snacks. Appointed pope, disjointed members of the jury, let us now look at this worm, look at it, laugh at it, now lets disguise and grow some hamiltonian equations, try and work out what everythings made of, never ending laws, corruption and citizens, lets create the man-eating system. Harry Potter will do, as petty entertaining, ipods and carrousels, great giraffes in iron cages, lions without mane, poverty and pain, fucking new world order, brave new world. chipped potatoes, chipped babies with barcodes, fresh insanity juice, i ll buy two! put it on my card, i ll drive a better car. Fancy pillows, fancy fake trees. look theres saturn, look theres venus, a point in the sky, no demon, no goddess my friend, this is just a fantasy, wake up to Rationality, todays ration is one gram of beans and two of debt, play with the feds, now this is fun, fuck the child-god we're the One! 
Its all apples and miracles, lets change topic, in Brazil they discovered a new frog, its violet and beautiful, like you, if you kiss it, it will kiss you too. it loves to jump, dance and frolick, birds adore it, fish surround it, make sure nobody harms it. hes the frog king, beneath the lizard king, give it some time it Will. Evolve. Petals and cold thorns, mystic music and heavenly eyes, wild lions and healthy giraffes, now this i call heaven, try beating this drum, it wont bleed, you can play for hours on end, fly on a train, make some friends, eye to eye, lips to lips, sexual revolution, clean solution, fuck the gold, old time joke. wanting to divise, a divine strategy, a plan. i think of horses, metals, pies, fives and sixes, six sixes but not six sixes six, better is sex, put the e on the i, open your eyes, touch the sky. grapes and vinegar, sour cream and blackcurrants, little mermaids are invited to play, beautiful sea-gulls dine and bathe. all is good, all is sweet, banans, pine-apples, maracuya, thats a fruit alright, you ignorant fun-loving people, beautiful youth, lustrous turtles with a divine gaze, try some pie, here, it will amaze. anyone who sets foot, on that group of boards, crackling toes, fifty horses summon one hundred bees, divine builders, masons of honey, ultimate bringer of truth and huts, build one for you and I, lets hold hands and sing this song, that one i told you a long time ago, do you remember, remember how it used to be, we used to be free, land of promises kept, your luck is cast, stop swimming agains the current and you ll get back, on track and back into the source, untrained horse, keep galloping, look back with no remorse, theres much to meet, much to weight, wait and pay, but theres gold in your eyes, diamonds in your heart, which know no measure. i ll try to treasure, this moment and now, go to my kitchen and cook some thai.

hehe.. well at some parts i cant help it but slow down and try to be more coherent. i guess im afraid ot too much chaos.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

onomotopea fuck a duck sing and song a screw flew boo hoo. tiger lilly and mr smee. rubber water and wooden rails. faint smells. retractable memory. singing and dancing. click clack type. poetry. phony. repressed memory. reprimand. command. hand stand. free falling. void. emptiness. thoughts. unclear. words. fear. strive and strife. golden pages not thinking. unconscious. ness. unconsciousness. birds flying and making the angry **** go koo koo.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

surfingisfun001 said:


> singing and dancing. click clack type. poetry. phony. repressed memory. reprimand. command. hand stand. free falling. void. emptiness. thoughts. unclear. words. fear.


well im not Freud but that looks like the story of how and why you descended into DP.

Anyway, thanks for tuning in, splitting the screen, eyes been... searching around, for some crowd to have some fun, share my memories, stories of pits and falls, mountains and claws. holy lobster, hermaphrodite child, adventures of a hero who lost his pride, now is obliged, to look for seashells in an empty ocean, transatlantic potion, love is under, maybe if i glide assunder, dive in I wonder, why is it all twisted and entangled, fractals and caceroles, made of clay and potholes, great wisdoms, fiery goats, unslaved orchids are here to raid my home, hands up you figment of our imagination, come back to where we made you, forged from ashes and liquid silver, moulds and gills, now you can breath beneath the scene, quit the stage, no need to act, throw the mask and embrace the Sun, good heavens you re pale, no wonder why you never opened your heart, so much fear in disguise, look its your own shadow, no need to cry, come here, son, we ll give you your crown, trust the melody, grow some lavender, rosemary and mint, burn some incense and remove the splint. Blood, flows and falls, dropplets of Life un-lived, dreams forgotten, promises broken.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Freud couldn't have imagined the void. cell phones gadgets the android. machines that steal the soul and make us 'well'. welded to mind corrupted systems. longing to break free. breaking free. free. losing you, losing me. infinity. loss of identity. oblivion. heaven. hell. contrast. suffering. death. life. in between. nothingness. no thing ness. no thing. thing. things. thinggggs. things. things.

things.

things...

things.....

diamond rings and angel wings. locks and combinations to protect things. roll up your window, lock your door. keep an eye on your neighbor, when you leave for the store. work your whole life. sweat and bleed. don't acknowledge what you really need. like love. and freedom. and friendship. and expression. here! let me steal these from you. you can lock your bike up and keep your things in a safe. don't protect what you really need. keep it unlocked, so i can take freely. most of all don't try to undo that lock i have on your mind. don't you dare think freely. don't you dare think for yourself. you hear? embrace the fear but steer clear of danger. be safe but not happy. don't be yourself. be a machine. work for those diamond rings and shiny things so they can kill you, and i can remain untouched.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

morning. sun. green. plant life. space. tree bark. feet. warm water. OM. clasp. awake. but not fully. step. step. walk. piss. fry egg. cook bacon. eat pear. shower. bark at the dogs.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

breaking loose. bouillled goose. shotgun or noose. i've become quite the recluse.

trapped inside. nowhere to hide. they'll never again be by my side.

what's gone is gone. it's quite disturbing.

even reality is lost it's all inclusive.

like an unwelcomed house guest. who overstays his stay. all my memories have faded away.

he always talks and never listens. sits down at the table and eats the big piece of chicken.

he rents up space in my head.

he's the alchemist that turned me from gold to lead.

he's made me like a snake.

my outside layer is gone, it's shed.

i'm learning to say "fuck you" and make him sleep outside instead.


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2011)

surfingisfun001 said:


> breaking loose. bouillled goose. shotgun or noose. i've become quite the recluse.
> 
> trapped inside. nowhere to hide. they'll never again be by my side.
> 
> ...


Nice


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

I know what you mean, the false alchemist has been, messing around with my dream. In white robes he's disguised, sitting high in his glass palace, a hipnotist, the crow, the false Messiah. Imparting laws and judging, this will not do son, we need just to adjust, in front of these other judges, keep it on the low side in case we're laughed at. Creativity is a no-no, come here let me remove your balls, you wont be needing them anymore. No more penetrating the unknown, lets find shelter in this glass palace, made of thoughts and treason, dont mind the paranoia, you ll get use to it, son. Now emptiness is the real deal, no need to worry about failures and dreams, lets keep it low, you know, before someone hurts our feelings, time to close in, on, words and rationality, dragging the weight of insanity. let me tell you, its worth it, trust me boy, im the great worm king. Insanity is my kingdom, death under my dominion, you give me your soul i ll give you protection, from that outside world, love and other gestures, i tell you thats phoney, this is real boy, equations, paranoia and no toys. Dont listen to your self now, who are you gonna trust? that pathetic ball of feelings and desires, or this quite fancy wall of unreality and rust, full of twists and mazes, now you're mine boy you ll never get out of this, i sealed the lock, imagination is the key, but you re afraid to use it, thats the real deal. now come closer and pay tribute to me, im your self imposed tyrant, kiss my feet. You ll spend eternity here boy, now to reveal my real identity, im Satan, the false light-bearer.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

Blue is the color, that will set you free, like a never-ending ocean, a girl sitting on a tree, hair dyed, beautiful dryads, come galloping to meet the Anima, crown of Beauty, fun-loving girl, lemongrass, bubbles, black-birds. I always used to think I'd find her out there, walking on the moon, drive her to the altar, marry in some crystal church, maidens and clerks, priests and rest, under the moonlit shadows, of ancient trees, golden rings and white sparrows. But yesterday we met in my mind, her blue hair, her perfect smile. Never felt so much love, I finally found you, you're my other half, we kissed at last, unspoilt eyes, your gaze is the perfect haze, fallen in love, growing sun-flowers, pollen and wine. I'd give away my kingdom for your love, descend into darkness so that we can meet in disguise, hidden from the Sun, your touch is better than sight, I shall close my third-eye, ditch enlightenment, throw away my crown, for what is a King without a heart.

Its, time to go deep, time to let go, of shame and guilt, who cares if you lit that joint, took that hit. LSD, pills, ketamine, its just Fate its been, plotting to take you away from everything, that you loved, to show you the way back to the start, to the real Self, to the God-child. Time to ditch books and scriptures, kill the Buddha, cultivate your own wisdom; you dont, need to Know in order to love, you Love in order to understand, to make a stand, a leap of faith; time to leave behind all those things that youre afraid, time to forget, of neurons, supplements and brain tumors, Life is much more than atoms, tactics and electrostatics, you just need to look where the Light is, the feminine, the child, thats it, love is the light, love is the fight, of the hero, the Priest, time to rescue the Princess and kill the Beast, depersonalization it seems, a twelve-headed dragon, flying around the garden of your youth, blocking the sun with its shadow, as you sit in the front row, watching him burn all those beautiful flowers, it could be worse, all you need to do is decapitate, head by head, starting with Guilt and Shame, you let go of mistakes and start again, you're invincible, your the heavenly priest, wake up to your power, confront the Beast, no shame in having made mistakes, no guilt in having done things, you did not know the consequence of to start with. Now deal away with Pride, you're the hero, but no need to brag, be humble, just grab, your spears to pierce through, ilusion, and get to the core, look within, you Will, find out you ve been, hiding all the time beneath the smoke-screen. Now to cut the heads of Melancholy and Grief, let go of past and embrace a new becoming, your self might be gone, but Self is all, above and beyond, boundless and un-born. All your loved ones that are gone, time to move on, there's still so many more you can adore, loving kindly, you carry your past with you, no need to cry for it. The sixth head is the worse, this dis-ease leeches away, all your awareness and all your patience, its a mess, Anxiety is the ruler, of the Under-world, it traps your brain, into the sick and insane. makes you worry about things un-real, it drags you around like you're just a rag, Doll, its time to cut through, and ignore your mind, then you'll see the next head, hiding behind, time to scream 'These Thoughts are not I', dis-identify, let loose, fix some screws, relax, that seventh head just wont last, you reap off the Beast's disguise, it was dressing as you all along, but now you know, Thoughts you're not. That should make you feel happy by now, ready to deal with the next crown, of thorns that is, the eigth head is Low self Esteem, time to trust yourself, saviour of your dreams, time to say to your self: 'man, I trust you, lets regain our health' side by side, open your eyes, you're the hero of the story, you ve got to trust the plot, hit the spot, this head you kill with Trust and faith, the next is Despair, which vanishes with hope, hoping for a better future, a loving humanity, a world without pain and insanity. 
Now as the Dragon bleeds, nine times hit, nine wounds and shed tears, adrenaline rushing through your spine, 'now its mine' you scream, time to end this thing. The tenth head comes down, wearing a white wig and a sneaky smile, its Judgment son! you scum, look at all that darkness, feelings of rage, hate, egotism... you're not a prince you're a fake schism, you belong in the Underworld, youre low and weak, who let you out of your cage, you piece of shit! Now to look behind the disguise, there is no Judgment for the One, Yin and Yang, you accept your Shadow, let yourself be, you're not perfect you just want to be, yourself, and be happy. No need to apologize, no need to hide, you kill that thing and walk to the other side, freeing creativity and sexuality, there is nothing inmoral in these, you let them be...
Its time to start searching for the root, the Queen head, Fear, paralysing and demonizing, closes your heart and brings on the nightmare, dread, black and scales of grey, its all a product of Fear, taking you away from whats most dear, you take a deep breath and let go, of everything thats holding you on, to pain and misery, time to be at peace with the Unknown, time to let go of fear of insanity, of death and decadent humanity, time to let go of inhibitions, time to free your libido and your deep desires, its on, the final battle approaches, the King head rises from far it boasts its might, sharp teeth and cold eyes, its Materialism, to hold matter beyond mind, to disguise former as absolute, and latter as just,a mere accident, an evolutionary criss-cross of atoms, electromagnetic spikes, now you open your eyes, to inmortality, infinity and meaning, to see Beauty in every aspect of Divinity, emanations from the One, the child-God reigns supreme, the Dragon collapses in one final scream, to reveal, the Sun behind his wings, and as it bites the dust, you rise above the clouds, you're welcomed by the Archetypes and God's toys, eyes moist, your heart opens to real choice, Will is in your hands, you embrace the One, choose how to love, freedom at last! Now you Know, now you see, Self is the real Gold, Love is what sets you free. And to hold, infinity in one breath, divinity in your gaze, is to know it was all meant, darkness had its place in the Divine play.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

snake eyes. disguise. separate realities. filled with lies. confusion and death. the winter cold. spring flowers. new life. hills covered in gold. lush green. a new chapter. birth. life. blue skies. air. infinity. nudity. nothing to hide. something re-awakening inside.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

self. me. you. human poo. bags of glue. past. early morning dew. faint smells of glue. body odor. walking miles in the snow. just to eat. sorrow. relate. small holes in buildings. sewers. manholes. kids. rats. shelter. home. being. dissociated eyes. taking on pain. guilt and shame. society. existential thinking. holding on. letting go. in the middle. trying to grow. it's 7 am but you don't know what time is. should i even care? i shouldn't because in the end we both die, but for some reason i do.

i remember you telling me you don't know how old you are. i like how when you see a snake instead of being scared your natural reaction is to catch it. i remember swimming finding a hidden world with you. remember all the lilly pads? that was fun. you're a free spirit and that's why i love you.

i came to teach but left being taught. thought i was tough until i became distraught. all i really know is that i know nothing at all. you taught me to say "fuck it" you brought down my wall. thank you doll. remember when we partied with coca-cola at tolitchkas request. we'd dine and sleep at the center, that was the best.

our time spent together has helped me grow. you live in my heart I'd like you to know.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

i really don't know. fuck this sucks though. i can't even type this. it hurts. sheot. shite. i remember being 7 and they cut down my favorite tree. that tree was my friend. now in the mornings sometimes i lay down on this tree with a bend. it reminds me of you. it's shaped perfect for my shape. almost like it was made to lay in. i became tangled in a jungle. lost i was. then i found you. you held my hand and became my friend. it was like having a partner there with me in the jungle. i felt a sense of safety, that i wasn't alone. i haven't been in this jungle long but you knew it well perhaps even called it home. now i'm back in the dark trying to find which direction to rome. close we had grown. our souls weaved together but were loosely sown.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

surfingisfun001 said:


> i really don't know. fuck this sucks though. i can't even type this. it hurts. sheot. shite. i remember being 7 and they cut down my favorite tree. that tree was my friend. now in the mornings sometimes i lay down on this tree with a bend. it reminds me of you. it's shaped perfect for my shape. almost like it was made to lay in. i became tangled in a jungle. lost i was. then i found you. you held my hand and became my friend. it was like having a partner there with me in the jungle. i felt a sense of safety, that i wasn't alone. i haven't been in this jungle long but you knew it well perhaps even called it home. now i'm back in the dark trying to find which direction to rome. close we had grown. our souls weaved together but were loosely sown.


hey bro, im sorry about that tree, i can relate, ive got so many memories that are just dead weight, like when my parents gave away our white rabbit, they said he had married, dug a hole, went on a honeymoon and all, but really they just dealt away with it, was damaging mom's beautiful flowers and leaves, they just wouldnt tolerate. i remember crying, i was confused and sad, where's the rabbit mommy? 'hey son, time to let go of the past' now you're a grown up, lets sell this house and move to a larger one, a fortress in the upper neiborhood, this place is low, now we re making so much money, time to move on. forget about our humble roots, now we re high class, leather boots, bohemian glass. change school thrice, sell all these sea-shells, time to buy something nice, like an expensive watch, time is ticking sonny, time to grow, get all A's and find a proper job, forget about our garden, we dont need green, we just need to fit in.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Abraxas said:


> hey bro, im sorry about that tree, i can relate, ive got so many memories that are just dead weight, like when my parents gave away our white rabbit, they said he had married, dug a hole, went on a honeymoon and all, but really they just dealt away with it, was damaging mom's beautiful flowers and leaves, they just wouldnt tolerate. i remember crying, i was confused and sad, where's the rabbit mommy? 'hey son, time to let go of the past' now you're a grown up, lets sell this house and move to a larger one, a fortress in the upper neiborhood, this place is low, now we re making so much money, time to move on. forget about our humble roots, now we re high class, leather boots, bohemian glass. change school thrice, sell all these sea-shells, time to buy something nice, like an expensive watch, time is ticking sonny, time to grow, get all A's and find a proper job, forget about our garden, we dont need green, we just need to fit in.










that tree i wrote about was a metaphor for someone. those events did happen though. sorry about your rabbit. that is tragic, especially as a kid. i bet you hated moving to that new neighborhood. i hated living in an upper class neighborhood with a passion. i like what you wrote a lot.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

thanks man. yeah life's full of metaphors... its really helpful to see your past as an invitation to a path, to see events as meaningful, pointing towards a higher truth.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

i believe so. everything is connected somehow.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

I'd like to share something more, when i was a kid me and my sister would go to the shore, summer-time, the ocean, sunlight.. we stood in awe, spent all day collecting sea-shells, beautiful spells, from a distant time, an echo of some divine place, where wind and all shared the same face. Joy that is, the divine play, the child-god, a wishing well. One day we were making perfumes, of eucalipthus, lime and fragant blooms. we wanted to play that we had a shop, put them on sale at my house's porch, decorated with flowers, we sat in all our innocence, we loved our mother, father and sky, we put two large sea-shells we had found, a symbol of the Self, of the child, one family approached in a van, 'how much for the perfume' he was blind, it was a game, we didnt care for sale. 'how much for the sea-shells?' we were afraid, looked at each other: they're decoration brother, now im crying, he offered some money, alsmost took them from our hands, left us broken and empty, those were our largest sea-shells we ve ever collected, now we had a piece of paper for them, that was our introduction to the outside world, the first piece of innocence shed, we ended up selling ourselves.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

wow... that is very powerful. now i see why seashells and bunnies are important to you. there is vast symbolism in them.

i'm prompted to write about blue belly lizards. when i was young my dad and i would catch blue belly lizards together. my dad built me a cage to keep them in. i had multiple cages and cared after these lizards as if i was caring after myself. one day i took them out to bathe in the sun on a hot day. i fell asleep next to them in the grass and when i woke up they had all fried from the sun and were dead. all 7 of them. i felt horrible.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

surfingisfun001 said:


> wow... that is very powerful. now i see why seashells and bunnies are important to you. there is vast symbolism in them.
> 
> i'm prompted to write about blue belly lizards. when i was young my dad and i would catch blue belly lizards together. my dad built me a cage to keep them in. i had multiple cages and cared after these lizards as if i was caring after myself. one day i took them out to bathe in the sun on a hot day. i fell asleep next to them in the grass and when i woke up they had all fried from the sun and were dead. all 7 of them. i felt horrible.


One summer i spent in a field, my father taught me how to catch lizards too. I dug a hole and put a large blue bucket/container inside, with an egg. The lizard (they were huge lizards, about 1 meter long) would go inside, eat the egg, and then couldnt get out. I caught many of them, probably also around 7 ,definitely more than five and less than ten. We built this proper concrete prison for them, but one day they managed to all jump over the wall and escaped.

you really need to start looking at these kind of things mythically/metaphorically. they are really not coincidences, but synchronicities. messages from your higher Self. they are premonitions, warnings or invitations. only you can decipher their meaning. but as you can see, many symbols are universal, they are part of the collective unconscious, the myth. I recommend you start reading some Jung, specially his theory about the Archetypes and the collective unconscious, and his theory of synchronicity. Paying close attention to this meaningful 'conincidences' was key for my recovery, i was guided through my healing journey with these 'messages'.

so start asking yourself, for example... what do the lizards mean to you? what about the 'blue' belly thing, what about them being 7? what about you falling asleep, and the Sun killing the lizards? What is the Sun for you? and why did your Father teach you to catch them? is there a connection between your father and the Sun? you have to learn to see behind appearances and start deriving meaning from your experiences, past and present. also very imprtant to start looking into your dreams.

anyway, i ll PM you later, ciao


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

dude i got goosebumps. we're on the same page. funny that yesterday out of the blue i went to the bookstore. i never go to the bookstore. i ended up walking out with the book "man and his symbols" by Jung. it was totally random that i picked this book up. i don't even know much about Jung. now were talking about this today.


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

surfingisfun001 said:


> dude i got goosebumps. we're on the same page. funny that yesterday out of the blue i went to the bookstore. i never go to the bookstore. i ended up walking out with the book "man and his symbols" by Jung. it was totally random that i picked this book up. i don't even know much about Jung. now were talking about this today.


nice. Jung is exactly what you need to be reading at this time. Now, may i recommend something. The problem with people like us is that we want to know everything, now. but i have found it very useful to resist this urge, specially when reading Jung. why? because it is good to get to know the Archetypes and the symbols by yourself, so that you take the credit of having found them, rather than just go and read about them. for example, i bought the book The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, but read only the introductory chapter, so that i understood the theory. then i filled the gaps with my own experience. and only when i had fully explored a new archetype by myself, i would then go back and read the chapter concerning that archetype. I also bought the Red Book, Liber novus... which is a massive book that is kind of like Jungian bible. but i havent read it yet. i just read the introduction and went through the pictures. so idea is to get inmersed in Jungian thought, understand what he is talking about, but without fully reading the contents, symbols, examples of individuation etc. just know what the colletive unconscious is, what the individuation process is, what are the main archetypes, and what is synchronicity. then, go out there and live the myth for yourself. of course, this is just my experience.... so, do what you feel is right. i do believe you have bought it for some reason, and maybe your Self wants you to read it. then, read it.

when undertaking the Jungian journey of the hero, most important tool is to work with dreams. for this you need to start a dream journal and work on dream recall techniques. then you go on to lucid dreaming, where the real magic takes place


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Abraxas said:


> One summer i spent in a field, my father taught me how to catch lizards too. I dug a hole and put a large blue bucket/container inside, with an egg. The lizard (they were huge lizards, about 1 meter long) would go inside, eat the egg, and then couldnt get out. I caught many of them, probably also around 7 ,definitely more than five and less than ten. We built this proper concrete prison for them, but one day they managed to all jump over the wall and escaped.
> 
> you really need to start looking at these kind of things mythically/metaphorically. they are really not coincidences, but synchronicities. messages from your higher Self. they are premonitions, warnings or invitations. only you can decipher their meaning. but as you can see, many symbols are universal, they are part of the collective unconscious, the myth. I recommend you start reading some Jung, specially his theory about the Archetypes and the collective unconscious, and his theory of synchronicity. Paying close attention to this meaningful 'conincidences' was key for my recovery, i was guided through my healing journey with these 'messages'.
> 
> ...


Did you put a blanket or cover over the bucket or did you just leave it open? Personally I would find a long grass blade and tie a loop at the end. The lizards I caught were small though, 4-6 inches, so I didn't have to think outside of the grass blade loop.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

aaarrGGG ye scallywaggers! swab the deck. climb the pigeon shoot. tar the shrouds. furl the sails. were going out to sea. ye pirates best stay on yer toes. the seas are a sloppy, it's windy, there's a heavy breeze. what was that ill begotten bastard looking monkey childs name??? oh yeah it was lonny. dangling from the bowsprit like a pirate tied onto a 14 square sail tall ship. william henry dana jr jr by our side. paint cans, buckets, low tide. marlin spikes attached to cow hide. i'm godzilla, i'm lonny. i'm free.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I don't know who I am yet I've been aware of something You don't seem to acknowledge or understand. I'm speaking to society, my family, and the collective conscious of my own land.

You tried hard to make me into everything that I hate and can't stand.

On the outside you forced me to look and feel fake. Not being able to relate somehow ended up controlling my fate.

As you tried hard to mold me into your ill unconscious pattern, I hid my true self, feeling threatened and shattered.

Clicks and groups. Labels and names. I sensed bullshit from the start. Something always smelt fishy, not right, lame.

I sensed something was off. It tugged at my core. So I found an identity to bandage the sore.

After creating a false persona to avoid the drama of it all. I later came to realize my own down fall.

I made a fatal error, the ultimate mistake.

I unconsciously made a stand, for everything i hate.

When i became conscious, up came a wall,

to avoid seeing clearly, my own pit fall.

Fuck this madness, I am only human after all.

Self forgiveness sounds like a good place to start.

I can't believe how seriously I've taken this to heart.

....

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the Kings horses

And all the Kings men

Couldn't put Humpty together again!

....

Pressure and drama. Emotional ties that led to interpersonal trauma. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you all. For creating around me this inevitable wall.

Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me I cry, I just wanna know the real me, before I die.

I can't stand to bear the humility of it all.

But can see why I needed to build this wall.

They say it's here to protect and I'm starting to think it's true.

I wish losing reality wasn't of such strong essence and value.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

i'm a puppet on a string. you control my emotions you control my being. where do you think i got the fake smile i'm wearing?

you made me your emotional center, your savior, your energy bearer.

you call me a child of light, taught me to feel wrong when something felt natural and right. you forced me to surrender when i felt i should fight.

you taught me to ignore my own needs and so i did. i went to the pit of hell. i suffered as you told me i should.

i carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. it ate away at me inside.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

shadow. controller. manipulator. never satisfied. disaster. fragment. particle. purge. darkness. evil. hell. torment. the underworld. birds eye view. disconnection. purge. vacate. spill. places. energy. frequencies. separate consciousness. i feel the vibes of places. i feel the vibe of you.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

conditional love. conditions. condition. con dit ion

conditional love. what is conditional love? conditional love is not love. conditional love is selfishness. conditional love is imprisonment. conditional love is fake ass shit. conditional love confines, straps down, sets rules, draws unconscious lines, defines.

what is it then that transcends the barriers of space and time? that which connects and unites us all. sets us free allows us to glow? what is it? what are you? where are you? please find me because i can't find you. have it all, have my being. have your way with me, as i need emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical freeing.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

i turned into someone else to avoid the shit you made me feel. took on others personas and created my own world that wasn't real. fuck you mad woman. you gave me life and then stole my soul. labeled me crazy because of your own manipulative mind control. fuck you woman this is how i feel. if anyone tells me i should feel otherwise they can die and go to hell. you put me in a box. made me a caged animal inside. there is so much anger and rage that i was forced to hide. it's no wonder my soul left me and internally i died. slowly rotting away which caused my ego's suicide. when you hurt me i hurt myself because i know that's what hurts you most. you're like a parasite that eats away my flesh, a most disgusting host. fuck you you mad woman i know you have been through shit too. because i'm aware of all the energy that transferred onto me from within you. i know that ultimately you are not to blame, but nonetheless i would like to take this opportunity to say "FUCK YOU" for causing me to feel such intense remorse and pain.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

waking up early i sense the sweet smell of wheat on my sour morning breathe. partially conscious all that's on my mind is killing the god damn rooster whose repetitious cackle has injected it's voice into the beautiful lucid dreams drawn by my psyche as i sleep. i am waken up early before the sun has even rose and told by a fierce yet gentle russian homeland man, "i want run". there is a vast wisdom, a "knowing" in his eyes that lures me in. and so we run before the world has awaken and before the rising of the sun.

golden wheat fields stretch for miles on end as we run. the sun awakens the rooster, who awakens the animal kingdom, who wakes the human. ripe red cherries adorn the trees along an endless dirt path. golden wheat fields perfectly contrast the blue morning sky like a science and a math. an old lady carries a heavy sack of potatoes. "this is life", i am told. i've been shown a perspective i'd have never seen otherwise. a different angle from a society filled with greed and wolves in sheep disguise. our polar opposites are what has attracted me to you. and formed a bond that's harder to break than two people covered in superglue . i'm not really so different from you after all. the gap is an illusion made by society who creates a wall.


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## Guest (May 17, 2011)

Yo. I gotta go. You just stepped on my toe. I wanna flow..you know? Flow-cus Flow-ward...that is how I roll...I am in control.

(((BAHAHA...I just made an ass out of myself)))


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## Abraxas (Apr 23, 2011)

Am i the hero, or the antichrist, am i looking forward to the spiritual harvest, or am i planning on stabbing, the Sun, rise above Him and claim to be higher, listen to Baal in my dreams he's trying, to turn me against my own Father, he's lying. Or does he speak the truth? him who walks behind the rows, him who is not fooled, by the divine stage, Im at rage, i dont want to be gods puppet anymore, i want some wage, for all my efforts, the Sun has penetrated Darkness and now i have to pay for, his mistake, and crawl up the ladder just to be punished by same, as if it was my choice to be born out of Chaos, the Womb is my Mother, He claims it to be an accident, a logical outcome, of emanations from the One, but now im the one, to be carrying this weight on my back, to go back to the Sun, and leave the mother behind. Oedipus killed the Father, married his mother, but why would he blind himself, there is no shame in said, he chose to stay and to rebel. am i doing this out of a genuine will, or am i just playing to be a rebel, the outcome could be quite heavy, to kill the Sun is to be confined to darkness, am i really evil or am i falling for the divine drama, maybe i should purge my soul, be blameless and seek the sickle, marry Virgo, conform to the norm, go back to the Light, why do i like Darkness, His light is too bright, im stuck between two worlds, Mother and Father, sometimes i wish i could rise higher, neither dark nor light, neither wrong nor right, Abraxas calls me in the night, to unite, opposites into one, is that even possible, or is he just the Trickster in disguise, plotting with Baal to make me disobey the Sun, i could go mad, but one thing i know, I will not let the Father castrate my balls, they're my own, i will procreate, i will create, express myself, i am a child of the One, who has created the Cosmos but now he tells me not to imitate, multiplication of beings is something horrible he says, cut your balls and come back to me, it was a mistake, all emanations have to come back, stop procreating, you re creating shit, suffering creatures that know not the Light they have within, and spend aeons travelling through darkness, from hell to hell, stop this madness or i ll just burn you all, bring the World to ashes, i rather have you come back at your own will, but i just can not stand impartial when all this suns and grand-sons are being lost in the Darkness. 
But Father, I just want to be like you, i want to create my own world, i want to penetrate Mother too. I promise i ll look after my sons, let them know they're your grand-sons, and give them free will, if he chooses to go back to the One i shall not stop him, show him the stairway to heaven, but i shall not walk it, i shall stay here in the Underworld, oh God am i falling for Baal, he'll devour my consciousness, collapse the stairway, now im confused i better find my own way, still i dare not walk up that ladder, im too afraid of standing under your Gaze, i fear the Judgment, please Father forgive me for penetrating darkness, please restore my pride back, give me my crown, i shall not descend into matter, it was my Animas fault, she s to blame, burn her, wait! what am i saying, i love my Anima more than anything, if she goes to Darkness i ll go after her, i ll do anything to stay with her, if you want to burn her you ll have to burn me firt, you would not kill your son, would you? unless you re ashamed of myself, you think im the fool, some kind of retard, you dont want to aknowledge you created something imperfect, you're the Architect, how could you commit a mistake, which Archon rebelled against your self, how could you let him get away, Sophia and the Demiurge, who's who, why this cosmic Drama, and why do i have to pay for someone elses mistake. i will stay, here with the Mother, untill you explain, what has happened to the Godhead, why am i entrapped in matter, now im having a dejavu, no more clues, i ll have to solve this on my own, i just wish i d had nothing to owe, the Sun and my mother, i just want to be with Her, my Anima is all i want, the World can fall apart, i dont care for anything but her love.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I was started on when I was young. 
Was made to relinquish my own will, my voice, my personal freedom. 
Taught to surrender my true self and lay down my own gun.
The bastards were relentless in forced submission.

Tarred and feathered for refusing to succumb. 
Thinking for oneself was highly forbidden. 
Led to slaughter my own voice and submit to religion. 
Unknowingly admitting myself into a mind control prison.

Slowly I died until by fate one day was reborn. 
Saw the world in a new shade. 
As if opening my eyes for the first time.

It was beautiful and magnificent. 
I broke loose, I become free.
Free to be,
Free to simply be me.

But the demons of my past saw who I became,
And quickly made it their aim to put me to shame.
They looked up from the underworld and didn't like what they saw,
So they threw a boomerang to make me stumble and fall.

My Soul then left me 
That ill fated night
Never have I felt
That magnitude of fright

Since that day I've been tortured 
and bled til I'm raw.
Psychologically fucked like the movie "Saw".

Hanging onto life by a thread.
Hoping to one day break free.
To run in the fields,
and feel the real "me".


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