# I feel so lost



## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

okay...so im just wondering if anybody else feels what i am feeling

I have this feeling that i shouldnt be here.

that i have been programmed and not doing my own thinking because everything im thinking has been learned or taught to me.

i feel like everythings a lie, even though i know its really its like i cant fully trust what i know, this feeling of doubt.

i feel like i am living in my head and i have to force myself to be here.

I feel like i was just born this minute and i know absolutely nothing and have to relearn them.

i wonder how i know how to do things (logically i know its been learned) but it feels strange.

I feel like im just a pair of eyes and thoughts and im jsut plonked here.

Im frightened to think , yes thinking scares me.

I feel like everything i do is just copied.

I feel forced to live, whereas before it was normal to be here!

i think what are the chances that im here.

My brain does flips when i look around trying to comprehend life as a whole instead of just being in the present moment.

I feel terrified of life all of the sudden.

Im aware of being aware. Im aware all i know is learned information so i dont feel like its natural thinking.

I sometimes feel outside of my head, or when i close my eyes im looking at the inside of my head.

The main thing is just this terror feeling about being here. I feel like i dont understand it (not in a phliosophical way) i genuinely feel like i shouldnt be here like im in the wrong reality or something.

if anyone feels these things i know most will feel some of them . But its truly horrifying and never experienced Dp like this before.

the feeling of not knowing anything and being programmed is the worst!

Hugs to everyone. Hope someone can relate.

katie.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

anybody?


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## MissySS1 (Jan 12, 2014)

I can 100% relate... Exercising is really good to distract, or go clean... or anything really. It does get better. It's just a hard long recovery. Wishing you the best!


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Thanks missy. its very hard to distract sometimes when u just feel like breaking down.

Can i ask do u ever think about thinking? almost like ur brain is studying itself. Wondering how u know the things u know.


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## MissySS1 (Jan 12, 2014)

Yeah... That is a very weird experience ... I am feeling very calm but still not right... It's strange.... I am getting ready to take my sister to the park, but I honestly just don't know. Wishing you the best!


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Thanks you too. Its just like im a jumble of thoughts and not a person. I feel like i cant trust my thoughts because they are just a product of what i have learned. Its terrifying. i guess ill have to put it all down to Dp.


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## MissySS1 (Jan 12, 2014)

Yeah, you'll be able too...Also I know distraction is hard but you will be able to do it I know you will! You just have to realize that if you want to get better... you can't set and think about it and tell yourself, I will get better if I answer this question, or I will get better if I think about this... You just have to go do things. I am in the process of this and it is horribly hard. But it is NOT impossible, nothing is impossible when it comes to recovery! I swear you can do it!


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## MissySS1 (Jan 12, 2014)

Also I have this horrible cough and it is scaring me every time I cough because I realize it's me... I understand you!


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

I get what you mean. I just down feel like a person at all. What is a person and why am i one. Freaky stuff. Do u have high anxiety or this feeling of doom when u are trying to do normal things? I just feel like im living some lie or just copying other people.

My brain feels so fried. I do try distract but sometimes i just get so overwhelmed and cry my eyes out. With Dp is everything meant to seem new and terrifying.


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