# fortunately or unfortunately



## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

ok i'm crap at starting a story but i'll start with fortunately and then its unfortunately and fortunately in turn.

i was walking up the cavehill one day, it was a sunny day and i was feeling hot and bothered. fortunately i followed the dog who ran into a shady wood.


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2005)

I followed the dog into the woods where I unfortunately stepped into a big pile of it's shit. I began to run after the dog, feeling very angry.


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2005)

Fortunately it started to rain. I could cool off and my anger subsided. 
I had lost track of the dog however. I looked around and yelled his name.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

at the edge of the wood the dog jumped into a river which i stumbled into in my rage. fortunately the cool water refreshed and calmed me


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

sorry wendy

unfortunately as i looked for the dog the sky darkened and i started to feel cold, lost and alone


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2005)

Unfortunately pdr and I posted at the same time. Which 'track' are we gonna follow now in the woods? :?


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2005)

LOLOL pdr, that was the second time tonight 

I gazed through the woods and saw a light burning far away. I walked closer to the light. Fortunately, it was a small wooden house. I got lucky.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

what a stroke of luck. i whistled for my dog as i approached the cabin in the woods. the light was burning warmly but unfortunately as i approached i realised it was a left fire in a ruin and my dog didn't answer


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2005)

Fortunately I got a message that I was the second coming of Jesus Christ and I resurrected the cabin and made the dog appear right before my very eyes. The dog then begged for forgiveness from it's sins.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

oh what a blessing, how relieved i felt. for a second. unfortunately i realised i really was alone this time. even my dog was reliant on my reality and i didn't want to be in charge


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Fortunately, it was only temporary insanity, which the dog snapped me out of when he bit me on the shin.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Fortunately the dog was so large that the leather collar he was wearing was big enough to use as a tourniquet.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

we approached the cabin. i knocked on the door once, twice, three times. no answer. the door had opened slightly and i could see the flames from the fire flickering onto the stone doorstep. we entered. unfortunately a group of hostile eyes looked up from a around a table.


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## Guest (Apr 16, 2005)

Fortunately the hostile eyes turned out to be not so hostile when I figured out they were the eyes of a stripper. She began to give me a lap dance and I tipped her a 5. It turns out that this cabin had been converted into a strip club and I was the first customer of the evening.


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## Guest (Apr 16, 2005)

LOL Pure Narcotic.

I came in second, but unfortunately the stripper was not into girls, so I left the cabin, wondering where the hell I WOULD be able to find sex for the night, out there in the woods? In the meantime I was still looking for my dog. What a freaking nightmare!!!


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

as i shivered in the cold fortunately i say my dog appearing through the rotting undergrowth. on the end of his lead was a kindly woodman with a sharp chopper


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## Guest (Apr 16, 2005)

Unfortunately this mans chopper was a little too sharp for me. I couldn't take my eyes off his chopper. It was just so wide, large, shiny, perfect! I offered him some money to feel his chopper.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Fortunately his chopper was for sale, and it turned out that I had precisely the amount of money that he wanted for it.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

fortunately he turned me down and i realised the dawn was beginning to break. it was misty but i could feel the heat of the sun breaking through promising a beautiful day. i found a nice mossy bank beside a stream in a young tree cove and dog and i experienced a dreamless sleep


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Actually, I think that was supposed to be _un_fortunately next (I know this is your thread, but...), like "unfortunatley, as I tried to find a way to carry the chopper, it gave me a very nasty cut" or something like that.

e


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## Guest (Apr 16, 2005)

The cut really hurt, but fortunately I had some vicodin on hand to kill the pain.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, it's expiration date was more than a year ago. So while it dulled the pain momentarily, the cut became infected just the same, and within an hour it really hurt like hell.


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## ShyTiger (Apr 1, 2005)

Fortunatly my dog being the amazing creature it is, cleaned my wound until it was no longer a infected mess.


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## ShyTiger (Apr 1, 2005)

Bugga! -beginner at work here-posted twice please ignor!!


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

ShyTiger said:


> Fortunatly my dog being the amazing creature it is, cleaned my wound until it was no longer a infected mess.


Unfortunately the sun had set and I realized I was close to an old Indian graveyard. The dog glansed at me, his eyes had turned yellow. I knew I was in some trouble.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

apologies e must have posted at the same time.
fortunately the dog seemed to have a familiarity with the place and led me to a dry cave to wait till morning


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, the cave was also the abode of a bear, which entered a few minutes after I did.


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## Guest (Apr 17, 2005)

fortunately, the yellow-eyed dog ate the bear and turned into a beautiful Indian maiden


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## Guest (Apr 17, 2005)

The beautiful indian maiden wanted to make out and have wild sex, but unfortunately her breath still smelled like doggy breathe so I was extremely turned off.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Fortunately, I remembered having a small spray bottle of 'Dog Breath' breath spray along with me, which made my breath smell identical to hers.

No longer able to detect her 'doggy breathe', I made out with her and had wild sex with her.


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## Guest (Apr 17, 2005)

Unfortunately her entire family rose from the dead out of the Indian graveyard and forced me to marry her in a bizarre Indain ceremony.

(shouldn't we be saying "Native American?")


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Fortunately, this entitled me to a hidden treasure, which the Native American ghosts led me to after the ceremony.


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## ShyTiger (Apr 1, 2005)

Unfortunatly to get to this hidden treasure i had to go through thick waist high cerimonial cow poo.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

fortunately, the treasure lay under a waterfall and the water washed me clean of the poo.


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## Axel19 (Aug 11, 2004)

Unfortunately the waterfall turned out to be a giant, giving another giant, a golden shower.


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## Guest (Apr 18, 2005)

Fortunately it was a very erotic thing to watch and I started to feel the blood flowing down to my happy area.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

unfortunately there was none left for my brain and i fainted into the water


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## Guest (Apr 18, 2005)

Fortunately the water wasnt deep and my head bumped on the bottom. I awoke instantly.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately the water was full of piranha fish.


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## Guest (Apr 19, 2005)

Fortunately the piranha's were dead. They ate eachother. So.....


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

...I claimed the treasure. Unfortunately, when I took it to be appraised, it turned out that every last item was fake.


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## Guest (Apr 19, 2005)

Fortunately one of the fake items was Pamela Anderson's breasts, so it turns out the treasure was really worth something. It looked like I was going to make some big dough.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

unfortunately they'd been stolen and now my fingerprints were all over them


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

Fortunately, it appears that Pamela Anderson's breasts are only valuable to depraved men in Dallas, so it was not such a loss after all


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## Guest (Apr 19, 2005)

Unfortunately that is the sad truth.


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## Guest (Apr 19, 2005)

But fortunately I don't have to live on a miserable island where it rains all the time.


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

unfortunately I do


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## Guest (Apr 19, 2005)

Fortunately your country isn't so bad because all of the good bands I listen to come from there.


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## Guest (Apr 19, 2005)

Unfortunately my country has horrible policies and Bush is a wanker.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Okay, let's back up a ways to the top of this page and continue from there, LOL!:

Fortunately, the depraved men in Dallas, motivated by the sudden acquisition of Pamela Anderson's breasts, were moved to take action against George W. ('W' standing for 'wanker') and his horrible policies (depraved men in Dallas are really rich) and save the planet from environmental devastation (_whew_ this one got long, lol!)


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

unfortunately this meant me and the dog were suddenly under the spotlight of the press. we only wanted a walk in a wood...


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Fortunately my dog, still a beautiful Native American princess, was offered a million dollars to pose for a layout in Playboy magazine.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

unfortunately my beautiful dog girl left me for the big time saying i was an animal abuser :shock:


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Fortunately I was able to win a huge court settlement in a libel suit against her.


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## Guest (Apr 24, 2005)

unfortunately my puppy has just spotted those floaty things flying across my screen is and is trying to attack my monitor (true story),I've got scratches all down my legs


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## Guest (Apr 24, 2005)

unfortuantely my poor brain is unable to think of a reply,type and hold puppy back from eating the screen.
unfortunately those floaters make my head spin too,I hope I don't suddenly attack the screen


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## Guest (Apr 24, 2005)

Unfortunately my doggie called the RSPCA.
I was let off with a warning this time.

Unfortunately doggies all over are freaking out from computer screen floaty things.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Shelly said:


> unfortunately those floaters make my head spin too,I hope I don't suddenly attack the screen


Fortunately I can delete it (guess it is kind of hypnotic. Should've taken that into consideration).


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## Guest (Apr 24, 2005)

2 things, and these have nothing to do with anything.

Unfortunately my avatar was deleted :x :x :x :x

Fortunately my status here has been upgraded to 'Great Contributor'

YAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAY


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## Guest (Apr 25, 2005)

Fortunately I doubt whether I can get any more weird than I am

enigma if you like those floaty things,please put them back.
I was just having some silly fun with Clover


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Unfortunately, Shelly, at our age never say never. :lol:



> Fortunately I was able to win a huge court settlement in a libel suit against her.


Unfortunately, I went to Las Vegas where I was stripped of my money and even the shirt off my back.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Cloverstone said:


> Unfortunately enigma deleted that thing...even though it was trippy it was still pretty funky.





Shelly said:


> Fortunately I doubt whether I can get any more weird than I am
> 
> enigma if you like those floaty things,please put them back.
> I was just having some silly fun with Clover


Fortunately I can just put 'em back. 

Also fortunately, my money and shirt were stripped off me by Mena Suvari. Who didn't stop with my shirt, but just kept stripping me (and then herself), and in return for all my money, showed me the most fantastic time of my life! (Worth every cent!  .)


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

unfortunately
then it was just me. no dog no money. walking down a dusty highway in the blistering heat


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Fortunately, just at that moment, enigma's floaty thingy came racing by. I latchd on and was whisked away to the land where gentle breezes blow.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

unfortunately thats all there seemed to be in the land of gentle breezes. just blue breezes and me. nothing else :shock:


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## Guest (Apr 25, 2005)

Fortunately just after I arrived in the land of gentle blue breezes a once in a hundred years historical even occurred.
The breeze turned rainbow coloured and one hundred species of birds flew in.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, they flew in from an alternate reality where Alfred Hitchcock's movies are all real life, and they proceeded to attack me.


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## Depersonalized (Feb 11, 2005)

Fortunately there is beer in the fridge


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## Guest (Apr 26, 2005)

unfortunately I'm out of chips and dip


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

fortunately i heard a bark outside. it was my dog returned from her adventure. we settled down for a well deserved evening of tv and beer.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

unfortunately the cable went out. OH NO !!


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, a hacker had infected the site with a virus that automatically installed spyware on my computer, and was able to clean out my bank account with the info that he was able to acquire (don't worry, Rev, not _really_. :wink: ).


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## Guest (Apr 27, 2005)

Fortunately I am going to bed now and I hope to have dreams of tan blonde girls in bikinis serving me margaritas under a hawaiian sunset.


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## ShyTiger (Apr 1, 2005)

Unfortunatly the blonde girls keep turning into dogs that bite me on the shin.


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## Guest (Apr 29, 2005)

unfortunately I'm in the Ms Universe pageant today


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## Guest (Apr 29, 2005)

fortunately I was able to get some lovely tatts to cover those nasty bruises.I was big hit ,all the guys screamed "show us your tatts"


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Unfortunately, I mistook a bottle of aniseed for anti-septic cream and smeared my loins with it. A Great Dane is currently wandering off with my gonads.


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## Guest (Apr 29, 2005)

Fortunately they showed up in my back yard.I did my best with a darning needle and have posted them back to you Martin.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately they got lost in transit and wound up in Malaysia.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Fortunately they were served in a rich, broth type soup and eaten for lunch by a Malasian Queen.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

unfortunately the queen was so taken by this gonad soup that she's ordered that martin be cloned and farms set up.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

( Martin's gonna love that. lol. )

Fortunately for Martin she soon tired of the same dish day after day and ordered all the clones burned at the stake.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

unfortunately that's not so good for all the martins. they need to make a break for freedom but, due to gonad quality, their farm is in siberia 8)


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## Guest (May 2, 2005)

fortuntely Siberia has just changed it's immigration policies and will permit all Martin clones to immigrate imediately whilst providing free air travel as well as a new Siberian passport and wife.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, no nation would allow any of the Martin clones to enter, forcing them back to Siberia. Where, homeless, they wandered the streets of Vladivostok hungry and cold (at least the clone farms all had heating).


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## Guest (May 3, 2005)

Fortunately the Trans Siberian Railway was in desperate need of workers,so employed all of the Martins despite the fact they looked pale and unfit.
They each earn 29 rubles and a bowl of cabbage soup per day.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, there was a major passenger train derailment on the TSR, with hundreds of casualties. And after the investigation was concluded, it was determined that shoddy workmanship on the tracks was to blame. All of the Martins were ordered rounded up and shot.


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## Guest (May 3, 2005)

Fortunately this has been a Siberian soap,so all of the Martins reappeared in the next episode looking shiny and new after extensive plastic surgery.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, it got cancelled. Leaving all the Martins out on the street again.


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## Guest (May 4, 2005)

Fortunately it was screened in Yemen where it was a huge hit.
Thousands of Yemeni people demonstrated out front of the Siberian embassy and now the Martins are back on the air.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Unfortunately, Martin falls in love with a Martin clone and spawns a race of superhuman Martins, which then take over the universe and mould it in the image of a Martin. Ha ha HA HA HA HA!


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Forunately I agree with Martin on just about everything. So life was actually pretty nifty from then onwards.


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## Guest (May 5, 2005)

unfortunately Martin the universe produced so much intergalactic gas that an explosion occured that caused the next big bang


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

fortunately this big bang produced planets with really interesting, friendly and intelligent life forms


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Unfortunately, people had to start from the beginning on how to communicate with these new life forms.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Fortunately they were telepathic, and in their divine beneficence, they emparted this secret to the human race.


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## Guest (May 6, 2005)

unfortunately humans being human could not keep their mouths shut.Communcations soon broke down :roll:


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

fortunately
some of the human martin clones had survived the bang. being clones they already had telepathy with each other; as they were each other. they were up for the challenge and kept things going with the benevolent creatures


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, a bunch of religious zealots, convinced that the benevolent aliens were really the spawn of Satan, staged a massive uprising against the Martins (whom they were convinced were doing the demon/aliens bidding on Earth).


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

fortunately the martins had found that, due to their excellent gonads, they could breed with the benevolent creatures. so they were gaining in numbers and resilience


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## Guest (May 8, 2005)

unfortunately a deadly alien virus called "ARS" jumped species and wiped out all of the Martins and the mixed Martins who's DNA had no natural immunity to this particular alien virus


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Fortunately a strange happenstance ( but then all happenstances are there just by mere chance ) occurred due to the excessive weight loss to the planet when all the dearly departed Martins turned to ash...there was suddenly an end to global warming.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, the sudden decompostion of the Martin's mortal remains effected the Earth's mass enough to send it spinning out of it's orbit and straight towards the sun.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Fortunately, Martin's mortal remains rained down on a planet of Valkyre-like Swedish Nymphomaniacs, who, even more fortunately, are skilled in the art of cloning, and re-clone Martin for the sole purpose of expressing 1000 years of repressed carnal pleasure.


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Unfortunately, the Valkyrie-like Swedish nymphomaniacs, like female praying mantises, like to devour their partners after intercourse.


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

fortunately they were stunned first. this turned out quite well for the martins who were being cloned at the same rate as being killed. they really enjoyed this new existence.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Unfortunately the new Martins could not enjoy this new existance without a little bit of absinthe which unfortunately again was like cryptonite to Superman and they *all died and could never come back again*. 8)

(sorry to all the Martins out there but we're in desperate need of a new storyline. they don't even bring back characters on soap operas this many times. :lol: )


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

Fortunately I have all the day ahead of me.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Unfortunately, I have another 32 years to go until I can retire. And by then, the retirement age will probably have been raised to 124. :x


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

terri* said:


> Unfortunately the new Martins could not enjoy this new existance without a little bit of absinthe which unfortunately again was like cryptonite to Superman and they *all died and could never come back again*. 8)
> 
> (sorry to all the Martins out there but we're in desperate need of a new storyline. they don't even bring back characters on soap operas this many times. :lol: )


Fortunately, at least one of the Martins didn't die, and has another 32 years until he can retire. (This is more like one of those 'Jason' movies than a soap opera, I'm afraid. Sorry Terr, LOL!)


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Unfortunately, since Martin will be working over a hundred more years, we might has well keep up the the Jason/Martin story line where we have recently learned the planet is spinning out of it's orbit and heading straight towards the sun - for God's sake !!! :shock: :shock: :shock:


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

fortunately it stopped and he found himself walking through a wild flower meadow on a warm spring day without a care in the world, only wondering where his dog had got to.


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