# Fear of schizophrenia or going crazy



## dragonhat

So ever since DP/DR hit me when I was 16, I've had this intense fear of schizophrenia and going crazy in general. When the DP/DR hit, I just thought for sure that it was the beginning of losing my mind.
Once I found this site, I felt like my mind had been put at ease. But I guess that old anxiety just has a way of coming back, because the thought has been bothering me lately. Just obsessive thoughts about how I could go crazy at any time, or start having auditory hallucinations. Late at night, I'll hear a sound- like a murmur, or quiet voices, and I'm like "What the hell? It's happening, I'm losing it!", then after a few minutes I realize its just my neighbors being loud, or their television. But I'm constantly on edge, hyper-vigilant. If I hear a weird sound in my apartment when I'm alone, I freeze and wait for it to happen again, just so I can verify the cause of it, and make sure I'm not imagining it.
I've never heard voices, had visual hallucinations, paranoid delusions, or any of the symptoms of such a condition. I've been to see several shrinks, and before I knew about DP/DR they always just lumped me into the "depressed" category. None of them ever seemed to think I might have a psychotic disorder. I guess its just this deep seated fear I have. I know its typical of people with DP/DR to have this fear, or fears of brain damage... I guess I just wanted to make this post just to let it out and talk about it.


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## 2deepathinker

dragonhat said:


> So ever since DP/DR hit me when I was 16, I've had this intense fear of schizophrenia and going crazy in general. When the DP/DR hit, I just thought for sure that it was the beginning of losing my mind.
> Once I found this site, I felt like my mind had been put at ease. But I guess that old anxiety just has a way of coming back, because the thought has been bothering me lately. Just obsessive thoughts about how I could go crazy at any time, or start having auditory hallucinations. Late at night, I'll hear a sound- like a murmur, or quiet voices, and I'm like "What the hell? It's happening, I'm losing it!", then after a few minutes I realize its just my neighbors being loud, or their television. But I'm constantly on edge, hyper-vigilant. If I hear a weird sound in my apartment when I'm alone, I freeze and wait for it to happen again, just so I can verify the cause of it, and make sure I'm not imagining it.
> I've never heard voices, had visual hallucinations, paranoid delusions, or any of the symptoms of such a condition. I've been to see several shrinks, and before I knew about DP/DR they always just lumped me into the "depressed" category. None of them ever seemed to think I might have a psychotic disorder. I guess its just this deep seated fear I have. I know its typical of people with DP/DR to have this fear, or fears of brain damage... I guess I just wanted to make this post just to let it out and talk about it.


 I so understand this fear. I majorly have it also. Alongside of my fears of existence, I also fear spontaneously developing schizophrenia. Please read my recent post about it, and the responses if you haven't already. For me, I read way too much on the Internet. I have a fear of all at once hearing voices out of the blue. As I fall asleep and am in the relaxed almost asleep state, I almost feel like I hear voices. I have always had this and I think is normal as you are falling asleep, but now with my anxiety, I have become hypervigilant. I also get paranoid about my existence fears and my imagination takes me on a very scary journey. I am really freaked out about these thoughts now, and I wonder when do obsessions become delusions?

I talked to the psychiatrist's clinician on the phone today to ask for if I have schizophrenia, and I told her how afraid I am of developing it. She said the fact that I am so afraid is part of the panic/ocd/anxiety. I also realized in listening to myself ask her that I really sound obsessive about it.

If you haven't been checked by a psychiatrist, then you might want to get an evaluation to relax your fears. That is what I did, but my mind still takes me to this fear lately. Best of luck!


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## dragonhat

2deepathinker said:


> I so understand this fear. I majorly have it also. Alongside of my fears of existence, I also fear spontaneously developing schizophrenia. Please read my recent post about it, and the responses if you haven't already. For me, I read way too much on the Internet. I have a fear of all at once hearing voices out of the blue. As I fall asleep and am in the relaxed almost asleep state, I almost feel like I hear voices. I have always had this and I think is normal as you are falling asleep, but now with my anxiety, I have become hypervigilant. I also get paranoid about my existence fears and my imagination takes me on a very scary journey. I am really freaked out about these thoughts now, and I wonder when do obsessions become delusions?
> 
> I talked to the psychiatrist's clinician on the phone today to ask for if I have schizophrenia, and I told her how afraid I am of developing it. She said the fact that I am so afraid is part of the panic/ocd/anxiety. I also realized in listening to myself ask her that I really sound obsessive about it.
> 
> If you haven't been checked by a psychiatrist, then you might want to get an evaluation to relax your fears. That is what I did, but my mind still takes me to this fear lately. Best of luck!


I've been evaluated, and there's never been any signs noted by a psychiatrist that point to me being a schizo type personality.

So I realize how unrealistic the fear is- it would be like me sitting around constantly worrying about cancer, and constantly checking myself for lumps or strange skin lesions.

The things you're talking about on the verge of sleep are called hypnogogic (spelling?) hallucinations. Hearing conversation (not actually auditory, but inside your head) on the verge of sleep falls into the same category as feeling like you're falling, or seeing bright lights or color patterns. Its completely normal. I took a poll online once (on a different forum, not mental health related), and everyone who responded (about 30 people) except for two responded that they had heard the 'conversation' stuff when they were on the verge of sleep. Slightly less reported feelings of falling or lights and color patterns.

Still, it freaks me out sometimes though, even though I know its totally normal. What some people have told me is that basically, if you're worried about developing schizophrenia, there's about a 0% chance you actually have it, because if you were actually schizophrenic, you would be obsessing over thoughts like you're Christ reborn, or that everyone you know is plotting to kill you. Instead of getting online and making posts like "I don't know if this is normal, I'm worried about losing my mind", you wouldn't even realize something was amiss with your thinking, and you'd be making posts along the lines of "Help, my neighbors and family are trying to poison me, what should I do?!".


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## jessykah714

OMG!!! i think the same EXACT things!!! i been obsessing about our existence for a while now but it never really bothered me until now i guess., iv'e had DP on && off since i was 14yrs old (that i can remember) and now im 19yrs old. my DP has been constant now 24/7 for the past 3 months straight && i feel everyday it gets worse. my fears are just like yours!!!! you explained it to the T..lol.. like when i hear a little noise i pause and make sure its really there and im not just imagining things. it freaks me out all the time. i actually sometimes feel like im slowly losing my mind and im struggling cause im trying so hard to prevent this from happening. im so miserable!! i just want my "normal" life back =/


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## Ashley37

Yes I've had the same things for months now! I am so glad I found this post.
I suffer from severe anxiety thinking that im going to develop schizophrenia, I started obssessing over it after i started having hypnogogic hallucinations at night. I was like, "I'm becoming crazy, im losing it, this is it, im going to lose everything and become a delusional phycotic!."
It sets me at ease to know that it is normal. Sleep is like a trance state, I have no voices in a fully concious state.
And I am also put at ease by my worrying, ironically! I feel good knowing that something unnormal or peculiar is happenning, just another stab at my fears of being shizophrenic.
What a terrible disease it is though, so unfortunate.


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## Ipod1

Oh yes I'm ive been in this situation for the past month and I'm finally starting to feel a little better about it. I just thought well if I am developing it I wouldn't know really so it wouldn't matter much. And even if I did it would indeed suck fearing it doesn't help us one bit as we wouldn't be able to stop it from happening. And nowadays people with it seem to function still. Idk I'm rambling. I'm still scared about it I'm just tryin to be positive. I have OCD, depression severe anxiety and all the symptoms that go along with those so it is definitely hard to get those thoughts out of my head. I've been diagnosed and told them my fears and they don't seem to think I have it. But yeah it's hard dealing with it.


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## kate_edwin

Quick note; schiz-typil personaliy disorder does not include psychosis

Hypervigilence is usually thought to be a reaction to trauma, especially when it starts so young . Dr's sometimes tend to not put dp/dissociation on you chart for insurance reasons, stigma reasons, or so they can get medication covered, and many dr's think dissociative disorders are so much more rare then they are


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## kate_edwin

Forgot my other point, feeling like you're loosing it is completely normal with this. We think we know what psychosis or "crazy" is , so when we experience something we don't recognize , our brain names it psychotic, it's just a thought, and having that thought does *not* make it true. And besides, if this were psychosis, chances are it would have reacted.to one of the 4 or 5 dif anti psychotics I've been on.


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## TheEndIsFuckingNigh

I sympathize with you completely. More than you might expect, I sympathize with you. 
90% of what I think about is, "I'm going crazy! I'm going schizophrenic! I'm already schizo! I'm psychotic...I must be! My thought patterns are so abnormal," etcetera.
The other 10% is consumed by intrusive OCD thoughts about existentialism and deep philosophical concepts that I have no desire to think about.
It's torture. I constantly think about killing myself.


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## Doberg

I cant believe how relevant this is hahaha... I hate this fear bs!


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## ashdberve

I am new to this fear but it's so frustrating I keep worrying I'm going to lose it and hear voices and go psychotic then when my depersonalization is bad I question reality and wonder if maybe I'm just crazy and this is all a delusion and I'm really been crazy all the time. Now I can shake it off bc obviously the life I'm living has to be real I have beautiful almost 5 yr old daughter. BUT it does spike my anxiety. This is more frustrating to me bc I just want to feel normal again especially for my daughter. Are any of u parents suffering through this also?


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