# Everything just looks so fake



## reason (Jul 12, 2010)

I feel unreal.
Reality seems...questionable.
Why the hell am I here?
Everything looks unrecognizable.
WTF is a human ans why am I one?


----------



## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

SMDDP said:


> I feel unreal.
> Reality seems...questionable.
> Why the hell am I here?
> Everything looks unrecognizable.
> WTF is a human ans why am I one?


You know how the grass is always greener on the other side. Too much of one thing makes you long for the other.

Since DP/DR i've wanted to think less of existential and questioning everything than EVER before. When all was well I would go deep into that stuff. But now I want to go back. I think some guy on here mentioned like "live a normal boring life and you wont believe how fast you'll be cured" or whatever. Haha. Now that I have DP/DR I like to ignore the news and enjoy food and sleep. Everything feels to damn unreal and dreamy and fatalistic for me to push it any further.

Yet it forces itself upon me, raping my mind like some sort of masochistic existential thought machine - "This just in! May be your already dead!" "This just in! What is your purpose if you can no longer enjoy it!" "This just in! May be the government did this to you, or a competator!"


----------



## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

SMDDP said:


> I feel unreal.
> Reality seems...questionable.
> Why the hell am I here?
> Everything looks unrecognizable.
> WTF is a human ans why am I one?


I don't have much to say other than this is the DP talking. It is real, we are all here together in this. It sucks to question everything including existence, but just know there is apart of yourself that knows everything is well and safe, and your brain is just protecting itself from danger and you can't feel the normal part of you.


----------



## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

You know I did ALL of this before DP/DR.. Questioning existence. Contemplating subjective/objective reality. Watching trippy movies and documentaries. Questioning what i'm told from adults, the government, television you name it. Questioning religion and existence. Experiencing odd behaviors, and thinking about them (ghost shit, whatever. don't want ot get into it) and getting into discussions with them.

Its just such a big thing now cause of this disorder, and what this disorder does to you that is so heavy on so many levels that it obviously creates a heavy sense of fear of death. Thoughts of suicide can only lead to existential thinking. Obviously when you were doing all good and well, the thought that you'll live pretty healthy for 30 more years atleast puts you in a different mindset. When something like this comes on so damn hard and strong your bound to have these things that are brought up on this board a lot just PLAGUE your mind. chemical based, psychological based, DR/DR condition dictated..... Either or any way this condition, some would say its living constantly "high with out the fun", will bring this out of you. Especially if you did it (with moderation) in the past.

Work, Hot Dogs, Sex, Cars, Art, Sex, Driving, God, Sex, Food, Vacations, 401k, Sex, Halloween, God, Sleep

replaced by

Work, God, Death, DP, Sex, Universe, God, Death, DP, Fear, Soul, Afterlife, Stress, Fate, Sleep

I said it before. "Healthy" people talk and think about Death/Life like the Rich talk and think about Money. To my very poor friend the dollar is GOD. Rich friends say they don't care about the lottery and don't care about money with daddies credit card in hand.

anyways


----------



## feministcat (May 4, 2010)

BlueTank said:


> You know how the grass is always greener on the other side. Too much of one thing makes you long for the other.
> 
> Since DP/DR i've wanted to think less of existential and questioning everything than EVER before. When all was well I would go deep into that stuff. But now I want to go back. I think some guy on here mentioned like "live a normal boring life and you wont believe how fast you'll be cured" or whatever. Haha. Now that I have DP/DR I like to ignore the news and enjoy food and sleep. Everything feels to damn unreal and dreamy and fatalistic for me to push it any further.
> 
> Yet it forces itself upon me, raping my mind like some sort of masochistic existential thought machine - "This just in! May be your already dead!" "This just in! What is your purpose if you can no longer enjoy it!" "This just in! May be the government did this to you, or a competator!"


I so relate to all of this.


----------



## ClintEmery (Aug 16, 2010)

Yeah that was most definitely me as well. Here's the thing about that... When you start questioning why humans are here and why anything is in existence at all youv'e gone way too far, i've sat around for months doing that. The brightest minds in history haven't figured that out and NEVER will.. You need to watch the discovery channel or a show like "Through the black hole with Morgan Freeman" and you will see these absolutely GENIUS people who are trying to figure that out and cant even come close and it makes them mad because they know they cant. The human mind will simply never comprehend why our universe is here because our brains are not big enough. We may have figured out why the earth rotates around the sun but thats about the extent of it. The entire big bang theory is ruled out by one simple equation: What the hell caused the spark in the first place? How can something come out of nothing? IT CANT. It is an impossibility. Well what caused it you may ask? Go to church to find out, its that simple. Do you think God designed your mind to be able to comprehend how our universe works and why its here? No, because then you would be God and that also is impossible. Youd be suprised what will happen when you pray, regardless of your beliefs. It is what brought me out of my DR/DP i am convinced of that 100% that prayer is what did it. I can remember thinking just like you guys, why is everything here? why am I here?? You dont have an answer so your mind just says okay everything is fake then if i cant figure it out. You people need to stop trying to be physicist with einstein minds because you'll never figure it out (not being a smartass just saying, i have the utmost compassion for everyone on here because ive been in your shoes and want to see you all back to normal) Im not throwing the bible on anyone either, thats your choice.. but it sure played a big role in my recovery i can for sure say that. Anyone that would respond to my post and say "well science has done this or has done that and we know this or that or your an idiot God isnt real" is taking it too far because the answer is no it hasnt and yes he is. If Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Thomas Edison or Galileo himself were alive today and you asked why is the universe here they would say I have no idea.


----------



## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

ClintEmery said:


> Yeah that was most definitely me as well. Here's the thing about that... When you start questioning why humans are here and why anything is in existence at all youv'e gone way too far, i've sat around for months doing that. The brightest minds in history haven't figured that out and NEVER will.. You need to watch the discovery channel or a show like "Through the black hole with Morgan Freeman" and you will see these absolutely GENIUS people who are trying to figure that out and cant even come close and it makes them mad because they know they cant. The human mind will simply never comprehend why our universe is here because our brains are not big enough. We may have figured out why the earth rotates around the sun but thats about the extent of it. The entire big bang theory is ruled out by one simple equation: What the hell caused the spark in the first place? How can something come out of nothing? IT CANT. It is an impossibility. Well what caused it you may ask? Go to church to find out, its that simple. Do you think God designed your mind to be able to comprehend how our universe works and why its here? No, because then you would be God and that also is impossible. Youd be suprised what will happen when you pray, regardless of your beliefs. It is what brought me out of my DR/DP i am convinced of that 100% that prayer is what did it. I can remember thinking just like you guys, why is everything here? why am I here?? You dont have an answer so your mind just says okay everything is fake then if i cant figure it out. You people need to stop trying to be physicist with einstein minds because you'll never figure it out (not being a smartass just saying, i have the utmost compassion for everyone on here because ive been in your shoes and want to see you all back to normal) Im not throwing the bible on anyone either, thats your choice.. but it sure played a big role in my recovery i can for sure say that. Anyone that would respond to my post and say "well science has done this or has done that and we know this or that or your an idiot God isnt real" is taking it too far because the answer is no it hasnt and yes he is. If Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Thomas Edison or Galileo himself were alive today and you asked why is the universe here they would say I have no idea.


Oh BTW. In the past when I would think of these things. It was mostly for fun. I answer questions with questions. I dont ACTUALY look for real answers. Things are always being challenged and changed and for me to challenge myself over and over, i flex my brain so it can grow. I Get new perspectives. I've never really been one for having answers to tons of things..... except now DP/DR







hahah.. I never really freaked out thinking "why am i here!" But I would think of certain things. Nothing can stop my imaginitive mind. I WILL question, I WILL asses, and I most likely will come out with more questions than I did going into it. Questions - 1 Answers - 0







. HAHA. I try to leave tons of doors open, which yes, can be a burdon on your mind at times. I never thought it got to me. I think real things put me in the condition I am in today and that the afformentioned questioning and thoughts are only so substantial due to my new situation - one that forces you to take things a bit seriously at time. Desperation comes to mind. Fear of death does too. And the nature of the condition itself.

Just remember, your the one who said "_i am convinced of that 100% that prayer is what did it._" amidst a lengthy paragraph about mortal humans not being able to see or know whats really going on. I remember once when a friend of mine said "There are no absolutes" and I had a good chuckle. Then we had to explain it to him......


----------



## Oros Ull (Mar 19, 2013)

I'm not entirely certain if what I have is DP/DR or not. My whole life I've been a bit detached from everyone else's reality. More or less my dreams and my feelings seem so much more real to me than anything else. Friends and family are constantly pressuring me to maintain myself when all I ever want to do is let myself be swept up by some force that doesn't even seem to be there. The world doesn't make sense to me the way people define it. It's hard to explain. Growing up I became extremely good with lucid dreaming and they became so much more vital to me than anything else, probably as a result to a very abusive and caustic environment when young. And now it's all I can do just to function in everyday life and adhere to social rule.

I've tried to just play along and act normal, work my job, make friends, money, love, ect. But none of it seems to help. I'm just going thru the motions. I've even gone to great lengths to find settings where this sort of mindset might be normal or where some social function might recognize it thru experience such as in Scientific, Religious, Spiritual or Bohemian environments. But even those feel overwhelmingly fake to me. I would try to just ignore this side of myself and resort to a Nihilistic and Materialistic worldview. But when I do that I feel as if I just cut off a limb and become so lost and aggressive I can't bear it.

The only time I ever felt as if I weren't completely alone was when I feel in love once with an old friend who had become terminal with cancer. And after having been best friends for over 10 years it was only in her state of mind when she was faced with death that I found any true semblance of commonality with her at all. It was as if that state of uncertainty, pain, loss, hopelessness, humility, acceptance that brought her to the point of numbness has aligned her to my normal state of mind. That kind of showed me though that any hope I may have of understanding myself will only come from death.

I'd like to point out I'm not a social outcast or anything. I've had a steady job since I was 8, was popular in school, people usually love me, I'm polite, clean cut, responsible and compassionate. My conscience seems to be my guiding force fueled by a strong desire for harmony. I've kept myself open to any truths I might come across in Science, Religion, Mysticism be they Personal, Relative or Absolute. But I find that the means I have to define the fractal and abstract reality I perceive is completely inadequate. And it isolates me at every turn.

I just feel trapped in this body, like I'm being forced to peer thru eyes that distort my truest existence and force on me this limited spectrum. I have constantly longed for "death" for as long as I can remember. Not out of depression or pain but just as a release from this bizarre biological prison I've been kept in. My emotions don't even seem to function like other peoples do. I don't feel scared of death or judgmental about anything. Everything just is. No love, no hate, just an overwhelming instinct to perform some unknown function and meander towards death like a moth to a flame. And the only thing that seems to be holding the persona that defines "me" together is the knowledge that eventually I will no longer exist. And that whatever function this body has I've yet to realize and fulfill it.

If it weren't for that I can honestly say I would gladly find some isolated spot in the woods and bury myself in a shallow grave. I don't feel Human, I don't think I ever have and I've spent my whole life just trying to figure out what that means and every time I make progress I feel myself become a little more distorted. It's gotten to the point that I wake up every day just expecting to crumble and be blown away by the wind only to look in the mirror and realize I'm still there just like always.

I don't know. It's pretty obvious to me that I'm unusual but I just don't even know what direction to turn in any more. I'm only 24, I don't think I should be this tired with life already.


----------

