# Accepting that this is my life from now on



## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

I think it has got to the point where I have to accept that my life may be over, its been many years I have had about 7 years of psychotherapy, read hundreds of books on healing from all sorts of cultures and approaches and tried just about everything to try to get out of this state and it looks like im screwed. It seems like I have to give up trying to get better and just accept that I will be like this for the rest of my life. I cant concentrate, I have a terrible job where I sit in a small office alone without any sunlight counting money for half a day, but I cant quit because I need the money and I doubt I can get a job which involves working with other people so I have no career prospects at all. I can't make new friends or get a girlfriend because I feel so tense and out of it most of the time and I think I scare people and generally try to avoid them. I get little enjoyment out of anything outside of work and cant even exercise properly or join any social activities because im so tense and spaced out. My main hobby was researching healing methods and psychology but im loosing hope now it can hep me so there is no point. I have a group of friends but im getting to the age where they are all getting married and buying houses so their lives are moving on whereas mine stays exactly the same. It appears like I may have to live in this pointless existence for the rest of my life. It's like im disabled but it's invisible to everyone else so there is no understanding or sympathy.

It is so difficult to accept because in my teens and early twenties I was going out most nights socialising, I could enjoy my life and was even enjoying my degree and my life was just getting started, so I have this massive contrast to a time when I had vitality, hope and ambition but it seems like I have to give up all hope of ever getting back to that place and accept this is it for me.

I guess this is a completely depressing read and wont help me or anyone else but meh


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

well that is pretty much EXACTLY how i feel. EVERYTHING youve just said pablo is identical to myself. watching the way it has destroyed me and my parents is impossible to cope with. I mean when this started i thought it might get better. i know now it wont. i suppose the brutal turth is that you have to accept it, but i cant at times, and im afraid now i truly do feel like i might as well just kill myself to stop the suffering.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Yes its difficult to see how it effects my family too as they cant see what's really going on so I cant help but feel that they are very dissapointed in me. Its hard to take so I try to stay away from them as there is nothing I can do but they don't understand that

Every time I miss out on something or have to turn something down because of the way I feel it feels like a little death now as im starting to realise that I will never get back all that I am missing out on. I don't think I would ever kill myself but the thought of all this going away is quite calming.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Pablo said:


> Yes its difficult to see how it effects my family too as they cant see what's really going on so I cant help but feel that they are very dissapointed in me. Its hard to take so I try to stay away from them as there is nothing I can do but they don't understand that
> 
> Every time I miss out on something or have to turn something down because of the way I feel it feels like a little death now as im starting to realise that I will never get back all that I am missing out on. I don't think I would ever kill myself but the thought of all this going away is quite calming.


*It's like im disabled but it's invisible to everyone else so there is no understanding or sympathy.*

This is one of the biggest problems with DP/DR. Even when you read posts on this forum, there appears to be a lot of emotion expressed - so inside the person has emotion and reality but they just can't seem to feel them.

When others don't understand (hence don't believe) it is isolating and a huge pressure and frustration.

Besides this forum and your therapists, is there anyone around you that can understand DP/DR (you)?

*I can't make new friends or get a girlfriend because I feel so tense and out of it most of the time and I think I scare people and generally try to avoid them &#8230; cant even exercise properly or join any social activities because im so tense and spaced out.*

If you are kind, considerate and can make conversation, the rest doesn't matter - you can have friends and should try. Seriously. And find something that reduces the tension - even if it is a med. [I'd suggest a good pint but if it bothers your DP, then maybe that isn't good advise







]

*it seems like I have to give up all hope of ever getting back to that place and accept this is it for me&#8230; never get back all that I am missing out on*

Maybe you won't get back to where you were, but that doesn't mean you cannot make a great life for yourselves. Don't think about what you are missing - remember plenty of 'normal' people are unhappy. Think about what you can build on from where you are now.

'Accept' and 'survive' mean a resilience (which you don't feel today) and determination to make the best of a situation.

I am sorry that you are in a bad patch and wish I knew more to say. And 7 years is a long time. But you are enjoyed on the forum and there must be others where you live. Keep trying. We care.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Thanks for your word Visual Dude. I agree having the invisable disability is probably one of the hardest parts.

I was feeling pretty hopeless but I just went to watch the Kings Speech film and it has given me inspiration as I have a stammer so it kinda hit home pretty hard, it is a true story of incredible bravery and heart, I recommend people go watch it


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Pablo said:


> Thanks for your word Visual Dude. I agree having the invisable disability is probably one of the hardest parts.
> 
> I was feeling pretty hopeless but I just went to watch the Kings Speech film and it has given me inspiration as I have a stammer so it kinda hit home pretty hard, it is a true story of incredible bravery and heart, I recommend people go watch it


Looks like a good movie - have to see when it gets around here. Didn't know you had a stutter, it doesn't come through while you are typing


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Bosko said:


> well that is pretty much EXACTLY how i feel. EVERYTHING youve just said pablo is identical to myself. watching the way it has destroyed me and my parents is impossible to cope with. I mean when this started i thought it might get better. i know now it wont. i suppose the brutal turth is that you have to accept it, but i cant at times, and im afraid now i truly do feel like i might as well just kill myself to stop the suffering.


How long have you been dealing with DP/DR?


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Seems like it's the only thing that can be done. I'm beginning to come to a similar conclusion myself. I really can't believe it at all. The contrast is killer.


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## darkblonde (Mar 13, 2010)

Would love to chat sometime, send me a message on [email protected]


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## youngbuddha (Feb 25, 2011)

Pablo said:


> I think it has got to the point where I have to accept that my life may be over, its been many years I have had about 7 years of psychotherapy, read hundreds of books on healing from all sorts of cultures and approaches and tried just about everything to try to get out of this state and it looks like im screwed. It seems like I have to give up trying to get better and just accept that I will be like this for the rest of my life. I cant concentrate, I have a terrible job where I sit in a small office alone without any sunlight counting money for half a day, but I cant quit because I need the money and I doubt I can get a job which involves working with other people so I have no career prospects at all. I can't make new friends or get a girlfriend because I feel so tense and out of it most of the time and I think I scare people and generally try to avoid them. I get little enjoyment out of anything outside of work and cant even exercise properly or join any social activities because im so tense and spaced out. My main hobby was researching healing methods and psychology but im loosing hope now it can hep me so there is no point. I have a group of friends but im getting to the age where they are all getting married and buying houses so their lives are moving on whereas mine stays exactly the same. It appears like I may have to live in this pointless existence for the rest of my life. It's like im disabled but it's invisible to everyone else so there is no understanding or sympathy.
> 
> It is so difficult to accept because in my teens and early twenties I was going out most nights socialising, I could enjoy my life and was even enjoying my degree and my life was just getting started, so I have this massive contrast to a time when I had vitality, hope and ambition but it seems like I have to give up all hope of ever getting back to that place and accept this is it for me.
> 
> I guess this is a completely depressing read and wont help me or anyone else but meh


I really think you should try meditating. It's worked wonders for me and I only wish the best for you.

"All wrongdoings occur in the mind. If the mind is transformed, can wrongdoings remain?"


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Pablo said:


> Thanks for your word Visual Dude. I agree having the invisable disability is probably one of the hardest parts.
> 
> I was feeling pretty hopeless but I just went to watch the Kings Speech film and it has given me inspiration as I have a stammer so it kinda hit home pretty hard, it is a true story of incredible bravery and heart, I recommend people go watch it


Saw the "King's Speech" yesterday. It was surprisingly gripping. In the beginning, as he was going down the hall to the microphone, the sheer dread in his eyes - I just wanted to cry. Colin Firth did a good job. The period stuff, such as old broadcasting equipment, was interesting to see as well. Sometimes history is more interesting than fiction. Very good movie (I'll have to listen to your words of wisdom more carefully







)

Do you suffer a stammer as severely as he did?


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Visual Dude said:


> Saw the "King's Speech" yesterday. It was surprisingly gripping. In the beginning, as he was going down the hall to the microphone, the sheer dread in his eyes - I just wanted to cry. Colin Firth did a good job. The period stuff, such as old broadcasting equipment, was interesting to see as well. Sometimes history is more interesting than fiction. Very good movie (I'll have to listen to your words of wisdom more carefully
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah it is a good film. I never stammered that bad although I never have had to do much public speaking, there have just been some really awkward situations where I have barely been able to say a word under stress, it's weird it still comes back some times now under pressure. I wish I could trace back to a time when it started like Firth did in the film but I can't, I often wonder if there is some trauma I have blocked out or am not aware of.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Pablo said:


> Yeah it is a good film. I never stammered that bad although I never have had to do much public speaking, there have just been some really awkward situations where I have barely been able to say a word under stress, it's weird it still comes back some times now under pressure. I wish I could trace back to a time when it started like Firth did in the film but I can't, I often wonder if there is some trauma I have blocked out or am not aware of.


I have a speech problem. It started when this guy made fun of the way I spoke. Since then I am ridiculously self-conscious about the sound of my voice, worrying that I sound stupid and that people will hate me. It's fucking horrible. It's like a vital form of emotional expression has just been taken away from you.


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