# Help; Friendship Advice.



## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

Two different types of stories here; I'd like advice for both, but I'd take any advice at this point.

*Old Friendships.*

I had a two old friends that I used to hang-out with prior to myself graduating High School; Alex and Michael are there names.

Alex and I started hanging out through his brother; his brother was a lot younger than me, but for some reason, we liked hanging out with each-other. Sooner or later, after entering into my Freshman year, Alex and I began hanging out with each-other nearly all the time. Since we lived in such a close proximity (right up the road, a couple of houses away), we used to hang-out over at each-other's houses. On the weekdays, we'd head over to either house and just bullshit. On the weekends, we'd spend the night at each-other's house and just kick it, playing video games.

Through all of this, we became very close friends. We used to get into a bunch of antics together, screw around, explore our interests together. Then, right when he graduated, I could see that the friendship was slowly going down-hill. A lot of the things we did (midnight releases for video games, eating our stomachs out, staying up all night together) went missing through time. This was a couple of months before he would move states away and never talk to me again.

I added him on Facebook and, through some miracle, coaxed him into hanging out at my house for a couple days. He did just that and I tried to act as mature as possible so that I might impress him and he'd want to be closer friends again. However, when he came over, there wasn't much joking around, as I recall. In fact, we had spent a lot of the time talking to each-other about serious stuff (depression, self-harm, etc) and we didn't really throw out any jokes through the whole trip.

I mean, I'm glad that he could rely on me for that, telling me all of that personal stuff, but I couldn't help but notice that he wasn't happy spending the weekend over at my house. That weekend was depressing; what I thought would be a throw-back to all the times we had spent awhile back was just this mess of depression and trying to impress him. I didn't (and still don't) know what I'm supposed to do with all of this. I try to contact him on Facebook and the phone, but he rarely wants to talk.

If he does talk, it's one-word answers. "Yeah", "Sure", "Okay" - What I thought was a four-year friendship ended in this? Needless to say, I'm very distraught about the whole thing, but that's not even the last of it. I also had a friend named Michael. We were friends just as long and had spent even more time together than with my friend Alex. We connected through video games, Pokemon, and anime - I went over to his house nearly everyday and I can honestly say that it was one of the best friendships I had.

Then, out of nowhere, he left for college. I wanted him to keep up with me, so I added him on Facebook, but he deleted me soon after. I talked to him again, apologizing for whatever it was I did to make him ditch our friendship and he had said that he was working two jobs and couldn't keep up with Facebook. Well, why did he have to delete me? Just keep me on there and get to me whenever, I don't mind, as long as we're friends, even if it's just through Facebook.

To add insult to injury, both of them failed to come visit me when they revisited their old house (which was a couple of houses up the street from mine, both of them). They made no effort to see me, hang out with me, or even stop in to give greetings. It hurt me, and still does, that these friends I had for so long didn't even have the time to come and visit me. We shared so many good times together and they don't even want to hang out with me.

Honestly, it pains me. My stomach is in knots right now, wishing that I had these people back in my life, but not sure what to do about it. As much as I just want to apologize and spill my guts out to them, I don't want to end up driving them away more. I want them back in my life, but I can't help but notice that they *want* to leave me behind, it would seem. This is one of the biggest slaps in the face I've ever had in my entire life and I don't know how to fix it.

*Fear for my Current Friends.*

Onto my next point, I have a couple of friends in my life. Very good friends, ones that I know won't leave me like the others. I'm afraid for them, as they seem to suffer from depression and some suicidality.

Many of the times, they drop bombs on me about how they are so unhappy they'd want to commit suicide. No matter what I say:


You can come to me with anything.
You have way too much to live for.
I don't want to lose you.

I can't stop being fearful that, one day I'll wake up and see that they're dead. My worst nightmare is living a life without my closest friends; can I get new ones? Yeah, I guess, but I'm not willing to drop my anxiety about this because I can just get new friends if mine die. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, how to help, how to give them the strength to move on. I want to say that they should get professional help, but I can't push them into something like that because they wouldn't like it.

I'm just afraid of losing them. I'm not trying to dictate how they live their life, I just want them to be mentally healthy and have me not worry so much about if they'll end up committing suicide. I'm afraid that I'll lose my two closest friends and I don't want to lose them after I already lost my last two. Does anyone have any advice on this? I'm stuck and I need help understanding what to do, in both situations. Should I spill my guts to the friends that left me? Should I try to get my other friends help? What do I do?


----------



## Walker (Aug 4, 2014)

It's really painfull when friends leave you like that but I think that people sometimes walk a road together and at some point they split apart and walk each an other road.

I don't know why it's like this, sometimes theire isn't a reason for it. Just a feeling that is gone and you can't explain why.

I understand that alex is depressed, when I feel depri I isolate myself easely. Maybe it's something like that and he just doenst't feel like hanging around and do fun stuff anymore.

at the other side with your current friends, it also causes a lot of stress. People who you care about who don't want to live anymore... Maybe you need to accept that this is more than you can take and that you can't solve this on your own. do they know that you are afraid of losing them?

I understand that they are your friends but maybe some friends who have a lighter energy would do you good? look around for those people and you will attract them


----------



## Sa-lB (Jul 16, 2013)

It always hurts when you drift apart from people who you were very close to but you will get over it in time, I promise. I know that may not help you now but time is a great healer. I think you need to stop beating yourself up over it and thinking that it was something that you did wrong, sometimes people drift apart, that's what life is like unfortunately as you get older.

Someone sent me this years ago, although it's incredibly cheesy, it helped me.



> People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
> When you figure out which one it is,
> you will know what to do for each person...
> 
> ...


As for your other friends, I can imagine that must be very stressful and worrying for you. If they are really serious about ending their own lives then help them, even if they hate you for it.


----------



## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

Walker said:


> It's really painfull when friends leave you like that but I think that people sometimes walk a road together and at some point they split apart and walk each an other road.
> 
> I don't know why it's like this, sometimes theire isn't a reason for it. Just a feeling that is gone and you can't explain why.
> 
> ...


Lighter energy doesn't suit me, as I'm not light myself, haha. Thanks for the insight, though. Your response made me feel better about the situation; I suppose, sometimes, people just have to lead their own path.



Sa-lB said:


> It always hurts when you drift apart from people who you were very close to but you will get over it in time, I promise. I know that may not help you now but time is a great healer. I think you need to stop beating yourself up over it and thinking that it was something that you did wrong, sometimes people drift apart, that's what life is like unfortunately as you get older.
> 
> Someone sent me this years ago, although it's incredibly cheesy, it helped me.
> 
> As for your other friends, I can imagine that must be very stressful and worrying for you. If they are really serious about ending their own lives then help them, even if they hate you for it.


Thank you. I'm saving this quote you posted; it's helped me out a lot. I appreciate all the responses I've received for my troubles.


----------

