# Coping and Theories -trigger warning-



## cltool9 (Feb 20, 2008)

when i first started getting panicky about it, I told myself there is nothing to be afraid of, don't let it scare you, you can figure it out, it's just a problem, and i told myself do whatever you can to figure it out and think logically. I told myself what's changed? nothing has changed, you're still you, you're here and always have been, you still have likes and dislikes, you still have a personality, everything is as it should be, the outside world is the same, everything is the same, it's just a feeling. An illusion your brain is trying to tell you to keep you safe, some kind of safety net eh? haha, anyway i have a theory but it's speculation.

I know for a fact that i act differently for different people. For new people i try to be the nice likable quiet guy. When i'm by myself i act differently. When i'm with my parents i act differently. when i'm with friends i act differently. i placate people a lot, I hold back and don't say what's on my mind when i think it will make people angry, i noticed my voice even changes in tone with certain people. A lot of people do this and maybe it adds to that feeling of... who am I? and the lack of self. because we're so split by treating people different ways and not being ourselves, maybe it fractures our brain and it doesn't know how to process it and it gets confused as to who we're supposed to be because we're not consistent, so it distorts things in order to try to fit as if it's searching for what/who we are, because i know every time i get a distortion i think maybe this is one of the ways I've felt before or one of my former selves, so maybe we should just be ourselves more often and let it fly and say anything that comes to your mind while in this state. but another thing to add to this is everything we know we were taught by someone else, and by learning, "I know this because someone told me this" and maybe when we realize that we think oh shit... and our minds just think wow we're just empty vessels that have been filled with different peoples ideas, so maybe we have to take what we like or search for something completely original to define ourselves and find for ourselves what we stand for and then maybe that will help our sense of self come back

and i try to think of the things that i want to be and want to be like and what i want to stand for and remind myself THAT is who i am THAT. i know i want to help people, i want to be a nice person because i see no other reason to be otherwise, I want to live with meaning and if i can make it through this difficult time and still do the things i want to do and not let it hold me back, THAT'S meaning, (i'm going to steal a quote from The Weather Man) "Nothing that has meaning is easy" THAT, is what defines me and try not to think about the feeling of detachment/no self, maybe we're in the process of a change into a new person because we didn't like who we were before, so we have to redefine ourselves.

any thoughts of your own would be great, i'm just speculating and trying to figure this out and figure out ways to get on the path to recovery, i'm not quite there yet but i feel like i'm very close. but i could be wrong haha. I apologize for the lack of punctuation, i get typing and i just go, because if i stop i don't want to lose my train of thought. anyway, enjoy, i hope this can influence some people to. I have other theories on why things don't feel real or why our memories don't feel real as well but it's not coherent so i'll save it for when i come up with something solid.


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## kelly326 (Dec 10, 2013)

This is great! I was telling myself the exact same thing today. I was worrying over something and I just kept saying to myself.. Everything is the same as it's always been, nothing has changed, it's just how I am perceiving it. I also act differently around some people. I feel I can only be my true self around my family and certain friends.

I think you are helping people through your posts! You have had some good posts today


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## cltool9 (Feb 20, 2008)

Thank you i'm trying haha, i hope it's helping people, and another thing to add to that, i know i was at a crossroads in life, friends were moving on, getting married, stopped calling/hanging out with me, I was meeting new people and trying to resist it, i was being pulled in 10 different directions, i didn't know what to do, things were changing drastically and for me i don't adapt well to change, i knew who i was around them how to act, what to say, it was natural, it just flowed and i noticed that we pick up each others mannerisms and connect with each other, but when that connection ended maybe it shattered something inside because i was letting my friends do the defining and not myself, i always tell myself i can't live without my friends, maybe i just need to learn to accept the change and not let it be threatening to me and move on like they have and accept that i'm going to have to live without them some day, I smoked pot and i know it's a trigger but from what I know and have been hearing it's all the same disorder no matter where it comes from and can go away, mine did before, so maybe it is just psychological and it triggered what i had been feeling and amplified it when i smoked, i don't know if that'll help anybody, it's just another speculation, i'm still testing things, this may sound silly but i change clothes on a regular basis throughout the day just to see what happens and i found out when i wear a certain article it feels like i'm in a different body but i found a combination that seemed like it fit and all of a sudden it felt like my body. Like my brain is asking me, is this right? so so weird haha, i don't know if i'm obsessed, curious or determined, maybe a little of all three haha. I hope somebody can relate to this and let me know if it helps or if it's nonsense. when i get better i think i'll stick around here, i hear most people stear clear of it once it's gone, i understand why but it wouldn't feel right to me, i hate abandoning people, it's happened to me so much throughout my life and i just hate that feeling.


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