# Dpdr over, now just super bad existential depression



## Amethysteyes

Trigger warning: this is existential and super depressing

So i got over the dpdr. It was triggered by my dads death and after reading a crazy philosophical artical. Because of all those existential questions and fear of what happens after death, i no longer find meaning in life. Dont matter what it is. Family, friends, my old drive for a romantic relationship, my old hobbies, my interests, non of it has meaning anymore. Humor used to help me out of depression but now it no longer has meaning either. Its like whenever i laugh or express any emotion what so ever, it doesnt truely mean anything. Ive been trying to woo over my crush but it doesnt feel like i really WANT to do so. Its just what i was doing before dpdr and i think a part of me still wants to pursue it but i cant find a reason to do so now. Happiness itself doesnt have meaning to me either. I try to pretend, even to myself that it does, like you know, you fake it till you feel it type of deal but idk if itll work. My life feels like an absurd joke. This depression isnt chemically based, its thought based so i feel like im screwed. How is life suppose to matter when the universe's existence is absolutely absurd and meaningless anyway?


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## Amethysteyes

I also even question why i do things to feel better. For example, say im cold and my thought is to put a blanket around myself and idk why i even want to feel nice or feel anything at all. Absolutely nothing in my life matters anymore.


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## allison84

I went though similar feelings/thoughts at certain times of my DP dr situation but luckily it went away but only to be replaced with worsening of dp dr. 
Maybe seeing a therapist would help you get though this last hump ?
It kinda sounds alot like OCD type thinking so cognitive behavioral therapy would be really good for that. 
I have OCD and therapy definitely helped me at my worst points with OCD. 
It's really positive that the dr dp has gone away for you so be proud off that


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## allison84

Also SSRI can be great for OCD thinking I took luvox in 2008 when o had severe OCD and it absolutely brought me put of that bad time .


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## Amethysteyes

Thanks for the recommendations. I have been wanting to go to therapy but lifes been all over the place and i no longer have the resources to even go to therapy right now unfortunately. But you are right that its good the dpdr is gone.


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## allison84

Aggg sucks you cant to therapy that's a bummer maybe in time .
I do know how crazy and depressing the existential questions are , I do get them alot not quite as full on as your describing. 
Funny thing is I've had dp and dr for over 2 years now and it's only been since my family member passed away that I will get these questions about existence. 
Mainly I've gotten the thoughts because after the death of my loved one ,questions a put what's the point ect and just trying to understand why he had to leave this earth . I think this is normal for people when dealing with a death of somebody very close to us .
I wish I could say something to stop these thoughts your having and ot really sucks that your finally free from depersonalization and derealization only to have this now ..


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## allison84

Sorry my spellings shocking in last reply my phones mucking me up


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## Hopeful85

I feel like I’m stuck in the same phase of recovery. Even when I want to make myself feel good for just a minute something in my mind will say it doesn’t matter, nothing matters. But I just try to hope that by doing what I should it will go away. But I know exactly how you feel.


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## Amethysteyes

allison84 said:


> Aggg sucks you cant to therapy that's a bummer maybe in time .
> I do know how crazy and depressing the existential questions are , I do get them alot not quite as full on as your describing.
> Funny thing is I've had dp and dr for over 2 years now and it's only been since my family member passed away that I will get these questions about existence.
> Mainly I've gotten the thoughts because after the death of my loved one ,questions a put what's the point ect and just trying to understand why he had to leave this earth . I think this is normal for people when dealing with a death of somebody very close to us .
> I wish I could say something to stop these thoughts your having and ot really sucks that your finally free from depersonalization and derealization only to have this now ..





allison84 said:


> Sorry my spellings shocking in last reply my phones mucking me up


Yeah, i hope i can go to therapy at some point. I agree, i only started getting all these existential thoughts and stuff after my dad died and if i ever had them before that, it was never THIS deep or impactful to my very being.


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## Amethysteyes

Hopeful85 said:


> I feel like I'm stuck in the same phase of recovery. Even when I want to make myself feel good for just a minute something in my mind will say it doesn't matter, nothing matters. But I just try to hope that by doing what I should it will go away. But I know exactly how you feel.


Yeah, im just kinda hoping that if i do a bunch of stuff and new things or get my life moving, ill start to feel it all again. Its one of the reasons i am staying at a friends house now, besides a few other reasons.


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## Berangaria Martineau

One my friends also had gone through the same feeling after his relationship broke. He got very affected be it and got into depression and was facing very hard time dealing with it. He was in depression for weeks, then some of his close one's suggested to take him to a psychic reader. We searched about it and got to know about voyante sérieuse. Who provides counseling over the phone and we can talk to them whenever we need their help. It is always advised to go for counseling sessions before consuming the antidepressant that could affect the physical health of a person. This really helped my friend a lot to overcome her depression. Hope it helps for you.


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## Spadde

Feel the same way. Life has no meaning anymore. Nothing gives me enjoyment, nothing! My life is just a flat line of nothing. I feel the same way when I do stuff as when Im laying in bed, so I just lay in bed. Might aswell be dead.


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## Pondererer

Amethysteyes said:


> Trigger warning: this is existential and super depressing
> 
> So i got over the dpdr. It was triggered by my dads death and after reading a crazy philosophical artical. Because of all those existential questions and fear of what happens after death, i no longer find meaning in life. Dont matter what it is. Family, friends, my old drive for a romantic relationship, my old hobbies, my interests, non of it has meaning anymore. Humor used to help me out of depression but now it no longer has meaning either. Its like whenever i laugh or express any emotion what so ever, it doesnt truely mean anything. Ive been trying to woo over my crush but it doesnt feel like i really WANT to do so. Its just what i was doing before dpdr and i think a part of me still wants to pursue it but i cant find a reason to do so now. Happiness itself doesnt have meaning to me either. I try to pretend, even to myself that it does, like you know, you fake it till you feel it type of deal but idk if itll work. My life feels like an absurd joke. This depression isnt chemically based, its thought based so i feel like im screwed. How is life suppose to matter when the universe's existence is absolutely absurd and meaningless anyway?


I love it when others perfectly describes what i'm going through. It's often hard to put words to everything. Thank you.


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## DerealizedDutchie

I think i'm experiencing the same right now. DR is pretty much down to a level where i can handle it, but it got replaced by this super bad depression, i don't think i ever felt so down and tired/fatigued in my entire life. Especially in winter time..

It also takes A LOT of time to regenerate from small activities like seeing a friend for a couple of hours. Fatigue and depression are always worse the day after.

Anyone got through this or some tips to lessen the depression/fatigue.


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## Grindelwald

I'll give you the cold truth: you still have DP. You're improving, and you'll get better eventually, but you still have it. If you're obsessing over the meaning of life, you still have DP. It will pass. I'm sorry about your loss. I confess I have no idea what that's like. I hope you get better.


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