# I'm feeling suicidal and my parents are not taking me seriously



## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

I took 3 mg of Ativan earlier to make myself fall asleep. I want to take the whole bottle. I want to end up dead and have my dad find me lying unconscious. I don't know why I feel this way. I thought I was over this bullshit. Guess not.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

insaticiable said:


> I took 3 mg of Ativan earlier to make myself fall asleep. I want to take the whole bottle. I want to end up dead and have my dad find me lying unconscious. I don't know why I feel this way. I thought I was over this bullshit. Guess not.


I understand feeling like that. Just do what you need to do to keep yourself calm and if you need to, go to the hospital. Whatever it is that is going on inside of you that is making you feel this way is not worth losing your life. You just need to root around until you find the root of the problem and work to solve it.


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## Guest (Feb 27, 2011)

insaticiable said:


> I want to take the whole bottle.


*Please, please give the bottle to your parents.* Tell them to hide it from you. And give them the responsibility of giving you your daily allotment.


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## rudy (Feb 20, 2011)

insaticiable said:


> I took 3 mg of Ativan earlier to make myself fall asleep. I want to take the whole bottle. I want to end up dead and have my dad find me lying unconscious. I don't know why I feel this way. I thought I was over this bullshit. Guess not.


Remember I am with you , that we are all with you and it would break my heart if something bad would happen to you .
Don't hesitate to talk to me , I really want everything is ok for you ..
Send you good energies and good vibes ,

Sincerely


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

I just ordered some Pasta to eat, so hopefully that will console me. I feel like I am on a self-destructive path. This is all b/c I tapered down from the Lamictal so quickly. I feel Bipolar/Borderline/Psychotic all at the same time. I won't kill myself. I just want to feel better. Maybe I will pray tonight to God to help me heal instead of praying to him to kill me. I am crazy. The end.


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## christy (Dec 19, 2010)

Please remember you are a vibrant and generous and caring person. You are the first person to have reached out to me on this site. All your kind words have affected me, and I know they have affected many others. Know that you have made a difference and that you are loved.

These are dark times. Sometimes I struggle with suicidal thoughts too. But we must believe that one day we will look back, and we will so grateful we have moved on. Things will be brighter and better. We will ENJOY life, and we will thrive.

That day WILL come.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

christy said:


> Please remember you are a vibrant and generous and caring person. You are the first person to have reached out to me on this site. All your kind words have affected me, and I know they have affected many others. Know that you have made a difference and that you are loved.
> 
> These are dark times. Sometimes I struggle with suicidal thoughts too. But we must believe that one day we will look back, and we will so grateful we have moved on. Things will be brighter and better. We will ENJOY life, and we will thrive.
> 
> That day WILL come.


Thank you Christy, I appreciate it.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Buddy, please do not do anything stupid.

Think about how its going to affect the loved ones around you.

You have a TEMPORARY problem. You dont need to do something permanent to a TEMPORARY problem.

All you guys here i consider my friends, were all in this together. I do not want you to do something stupid.

Message me if you want to talk.

Take it easy bud, were going to get through this


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

insaticiable said:


> I just ordered some Pasta to eat, so hopefully that will console me. I feel like I am on a self-destructive path. This is all b/c I tapered down from the Lamictal so quickly. I feel Bipolar/Borderline/Psychotic all at the same time. I won't kill myself. I just want to feel better. Maybe I will pray tonight to God to help me heal instead of praying to him to kill me. I am crazy. The end.


How about tapering off slowly - months? It is much better to go reallll slooowwwwww with this sort of thing.

I like the pasta idea









I understand *praying to him to kill me.* Used to do that a lot. But seeking health is the best choice. Hope you feel better soon. Wish I had a magic wand to wave over you - but I too am just mortal.


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## kaitlyn_b (Jun 9, 2010)

Please please do not give into the feelings. They will pass. Its all a lie! Call me ir text if you need to talk. I drug myself out of the pits of dr with major depression after 10 months. Pm me if you want my number to talk!


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

insaticiable said:


> I took 3 mg of Ativan earlier to make myself fall asleep. I want to take the whole bottle. I want to end up dead and have my dad find me lying unconscious. I don't know why I feel this way. I thought I was over this bullshit. Guess not.


Hi friend, I know the feeling. And it happened to me too when I just wanted to drug myself and took 10 pills and went to sleep. Do things you like and do not think too much about stressful things. I'm here for you if you need to talk. Hugs.


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

Hi yeah try to force yourself to do things you used to like. Like a few things, in a row, and even if they're small it's ok. Like drink a cup of chocolate milk than do your nails. Also maybe call up a cab and go yourself...good luck!


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Hey guys, I am still feeling really, really, really awful, but not suicidal anymore. I'm sorry if I scared anyone.









It's just this dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach and I don't know really how to cope with it other than to sleep or self-medicate because the feelings are just TOO STRONG.

To Visual Dude: I know that with Lamictal you need to taper very, very slowly and I've read a couple withdrawal horror stories from people who withdrew even really slowly, but the thing was...Because I was taking the Lamictal very on and off, my psychiatrist recommended that I start all the way from the bottom at 50 mgs. Obviously, and I don't know if it's because of the drastic reduction or if 50 mgs of Lamictal is simply not enough for me, but I just feel really horrible at the moment. Maybe I should call up my psychiatrist and schedule an appointment pretty soon b/c dealing with this is close to unbearable for me. I just feel like, every time I call him, I am upsetting him or bothering him and it feels like he doesn't want to spend much time with me over the phone. Idk.









Thank you for the support everyone. I mean it. Again, I'm sorry if I troubled anyone, but these are very trying times for me.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

insaticiable said:


> Hey guys, I am still feeling really, really, really awful, but not suicidal anymore. I'm sorry if I scared anyone.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Girlfriend, your psych is getting PAID BY YOU to be there for you. He isn't doing you a special favor. You are his employer. You pay him to help you. Don't forget who has the power in this situation.


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## S O L A R I S (Dec 24, 2009)

Insatiable,

I am right where you are at the moment. I feel trapped. theres no escape, ugh.

I already planned how im going to end life, its a fantasy that I have. seem to be having it more often lately. but i figure if i leave, I am leaving on MY OWN TERMS! i dont have to end it right this instant. and i will live each day as if its my last here on earth and just try to do the things and say the things i always wanted to say. , until the day where i can rationally choose between life and death. I refuse to let my frustration overpower me. If i choose to end life, it would be because I say so, not because it wants me to.

its sort of fucked up way of thinking about things.

uh, i wish if i had the solution to make you feel better, to make myself feel better. i dont. but i remind myself that there are good days, and then there are bad days. its a see saw. Just say FUCK YOU WORLD and show them who you are with all flaws and perfection! because we are survivors! and with every day lived we prove to ourselves and the world that we have moved from victims and become glorious victors!


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

I am also feeling hopeless and depressed. Keep on imagining myself dying too


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

I was thinking about creating a new thread, but I will just update in this one for now.

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Depression/no energy like no other. Just wanted to sleep all day (which is what I did for the most part).

Anyways, my psychiatrist contacted me yesterday morning and prescribed 100 mg of Wellbutrin to SR to take alongside the Lamictal 50 mg. I am starting to build back my regimen of medications. I see him next Monday. This has been a very difficult week for me, but I am trying to fight & survive. That's my new motto, kinda: "Fight & Survive"

I took the Wellbutrin this afternoon (right after I woke up), and I am a bit dizzy and lightheaded, but I am confident that it'll help some with the terrible depression. Already, my suicidal thoughts are gone...and even though I am feeling a bit out of it...I'm sort of on this high. I've already replied to many posts here today. So, I guess you could say, improved alertness and concentration.

That's all for now.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

j4mtj said:


> You are an amazing person! So glad the roller coaster is over, can breathe a sigh of relief for you now and hope things continue to get better for you from here.


Thank you!!!


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

insaticiable said:


> I was thinking about creating a new thread, but I will just update in this one for now.
> 
> Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Depression/no energy like no other. Just wanted to sleep all day (which is what I did for the most part).
> 
> ...


Congrats on surviving the hump! Am going to see the doctor tomorrow myself. See what he can do for me.


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