# THERE IS HOPE. An UPDATE on how I'm doing for those that remember me. With Pics.



## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

When I first started to feel the symptoms of DR, it was three years ago in July 2010. I was sitting in my college class and had my first ever panic attack and felt like I was going to die and my heart was going to break through my chest. The exact same thing happened again a week after that. The strange thing is that these attacks occurred after I ate something...and I never understood why, but anyway. I went home and explained to my mom what happened. I thought maybe it was a stomach virus so I went on a diet cause I was scared that if I ate, it would happen again. It was just a vicious cycle. I decided I needed to see a doctor and he told me to eat light foods like soup, low fat yogurt and stuff like that and that is what I did. Days after that I felt more strange symptoms- My legs would tremble uncontrollably and I felt dizzy a lot and started to have a headache that made my head feel soooo tight. It just didn't feel like a typical headache. In August 2010, that is when my life took an even bigger turn. I had to run some errands in college and just remember standing there and feeling "strange" ... my surroundings felt weird, I felt like I wasn't grounded and felt like the present moment was fake. I felt like I wasn't "here" eventhough I KNEW my feet were on the ground, I knew what my eyes were looking at, but felt completely detached. I went home- typed in my symptoms and viola- Derealization. There I was, staring at my computer screen and crying like a baby. "Why Me?" "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?" "What did I do to deserve this??" That is all I could ask myself for 2 years. My social life started to fall apart. All I did was spend time with my parents because that is what made me feel more grounded and safe. The one thing I HATED was being alone. You can ask anyone on this board how many times I would post a topic asking for help, or even wanting to even give up and commit suicide and I've tried too but was too afraid. Not only did I have the symptom of feeling like "I was not here" I had other symptoms such as: Not knowing where I was in my own surroundings, "Feeling Lost" even though I could see where I was and knew where I was, my mind didn't. Mentally I was DETACHED BEYOND WORDS and my brain felt so farrrrr away from the world. After many doctors visits, therapist after therapist, med after med, and being in the psych ward 2 times, in December 2012, I was prescribed prozac while at my second stay in the Hospital. I made a promise to myself and the people I love that I would stay on this medication until I could feel better for once and for all because I was done suffering. I was done crying everyday, not getting any sleep, having no life, feeling sorry for myself. Done seeing my parents and friends seeing me in so much pain and suffering. Having test after test, brain scans, MRI's, YOU NAME IT, I WAS DONE AND HAD TO GET BETTER. Staying in the hospital for the second time really helped and for the first time in a long time, I was able to sleep and feel rested. Fast forward 4 months to April 2013 and I felt like myself again. Literally. It was like, I didn't know what DR was anymore and could not remember what it felt like. Was this the prozac finally starting to work? Yes, YES IT WAS. I felt like a brand new person. I felt like ME again. I woke up and wanted to be with my friends, I wanted to start doing normal things like I used too. I looked forward to what the day had to bring and could barely tell if my DR was there or not. If it was not for being so persistent and motivated to keep going through the day no matter how badly I felt and staying on this medication-- I do not want to know where I would be right now. Fast forward to now and: I am in love with an amazing man. I model and do acting work and have worked on many television shows and movies. I've made new friends and am happier than I EVER EVER WAS and my friends and family are so happy to have their Melissa back. Guys, take it from me.....YOU CAN GET BETTER. DO NOT GIVE UP. There is something out there for everyone to make this nightmare end and to get you back on your feet. I was the QUEEN of not believing this and believed that NOTHING would work for me but it did. I was in the depths of hell and I made it out alive and well. I've also started to lose weight and go to the gym this year. PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!! I hope I have helped somebody in some way after reading this. And always remind yourself when you do feel these symptoms---and this is what I did all the time. "I'm still here, I'm okay, this is "just a feeling" and everything around me is still the same and I am safe" -- and that will help you stay grounded as well.


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## MissK (Oct 11, 2011)

I'm happy for you Melissa xx


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

Thank you lovely! Been ages! Miss ya!


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