# How open are you?



## snow storm (Aug 10, 2010)

How open are you with your friends and your familiy about what you struggle with in your life? Do you keep all of them at a distance or do you have a select few that you share your most vulnerable things with? I have tried to keep people at a distance but it is really making me ill. The more emotional honest I can be in my communication the better I feel.

I have tried to open myself up by talking a lot about how I feel etc but I often end up talking about myself using an almost analytical language and focus too much on explaining things to those around me but I have observed that I try to avoid bringing the emotions into the communication. I guess it is an intellectualisation which is a quite common defense mechanism, maybe even more common among dp'ers? (Just a guess) So now I am in a process where I try to be as open as I can to those people I know I can trust. It's really hard but I feel it's the only way to go.


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## Disorder (Apr 7, 2008)

Not very open at all. In fact, it's probably my downfall. I keep most of my emotions bottled up inside of me. I tend to overthink situations and to brood about things. But I guess that's partly a feature of growing up in an individualistic culture.


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## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

I get pissed off at people who say, 'Oh, i didnt realise it was that bad' when they hadnt seemed to notice that id spend the last 4 months unable to leave the house. So they can get stuffed.

The good friends do not understand but at least they are there so i try to mingle and act as normal as possible as they makes me feel more normal.

I talk to therepists and family only really.

My best way to attempt to explain to people is to ask them to close one eye then do something fairly compex such as sewing a button on, cooking dinner or applying makeup. It is difficult to merely explain with words but the one eye method i feel is the best was of accctually showing people how bloody difficult it is to run your life when you feel so far away from everything.


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## sonnl (Apr 15, 2009)

ive had this about 2 years and not one person off this forum knows i have it. id say not very open at all.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

snow storm said:


> How open are you with your friends and your familiy about what you struggle with in your life? Do you keep all of them at a distance or do you have a select few that you share your most vulnerable things with? I have tried to keep people at a distance but it is really making me ill. The more emotional honest I can be in my communication the better I feel.
> 
> I have tried to open myself up by talking a lot about how I feel etc but I often end up talking about myself using an almost analytical language and focus too much on explaining things to those around me but I have observed that I try to avoid bringing the emotions into the communication. I guess it is an intellectualisation which is a quite common defense mechanism, maybe even more common among dp'ers? (Just a guess) So now I am in a process where I try to be as open as I can to those people I know I can trust. It's really hard but I feel it's the only way to go.


It is my nature to speak freely however I have had to learn to be brief about it. It is easy to get talking and in the effort to try to communicate to people who just have no idea you end up describing minute details about all sorts of symptoms. This causes them to think your just obsessing and making a big deal over little stuff - a negative experience. This just feeds our anxiety and frustration instead of providing comfort/relief.

Even with doctors this is true. I've learned to _briefly_ describe only _about a third_ of the symptoms at a particular visit - especially with new doctors. Of 20 doctors, only 1 was able to absorb the full impact (then wouldn't you know he moved away).

It feels good to be able to express frustrations but there just are limits to those who can deal with hearing it. With chronic diseases/disorders a person has little choice but to deal with it and it takes time. People without chronic problems tend to think that those who do spend too much time thinking about it, too self-involved, too self-focused.


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## Minerva8979 (Jan 30, 2010)

Damn Sonnl, that sucks! And I agree VisualDude. I allow ppl to know whats going on with me but only to a brief extent because after a while, what else can you say? It's hard for ppl to empathize what they barely understand, though I give them the chance. The one person who asks most often is my good friend who actually has DR, go figure.


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## xxcdawg (Nov 10, 2009)

Certain people know, but not all of them understand.


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