# thought i was better for good but now not so sure...



## onlygirlintheworld (Jul 3, 2012)

Hi







i'm 23 and i first got depersonalization disorder about a year and a half ago, i have always had moments of it since i was a very little girl but the only way i can remember it then was just as moments of questioning whether i was really me an whether i was even real sometimes. it used to start with loads of random memories flowing through my head and then i would kind of disaccoiate that stuff with me and it would feel like the stuff i was thinking of had happened to someone else i guess. i think the thing that used to cause the split between the two different me's is that the person i was on the outside was sometimes very different from what i really felt inside and i guess i just got confused sometimes as to which one was really me if that makes sense?

it always only lasted for a few seconds and i could come back to reality again but when i was 21 i moved out of home an things changed... these moments started to last for longer and sometimes i would literally feel invisible like i was as ghost or something and no one could really see me, like i wasnt a real person. they came and went but one day i was sitting on the bus and it was literally like someone turned off a switch in my head, one minute i was me and the next minute i wasnt there anymore. i went on medication (citalapram 40mg) and got better again but those 3 or 4 months while i was waiting for it to work were the worst in my whole life. i feel bad for saying that because my dad died when i was a teenager but feeling disconnected from the rest of the world and from yourself is the most terrifying, horrible thing in the world.

ive been better for about a year and a half but a couple of nights ago the switch went off in my head again, i'm now on different medication (fluoxetine an diazampam) and i dont feel anywhere near as bad as last time but i dont want to go through the rest of my life getting better an then it happening again







i thought once you were better, you were better for good and it would never happen again. but was i wrong? x


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## Alienated (Jul 1, 2012)

If you suffer from depression the DP will often follow. Don't stay in this! Keep on doing other things. Don't start this obsession of «What if...». It only feeds the DP. Focus on things outside your head.


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## onlygirlintheworld (Jul 3, 2012)

thanks







x


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## Alienated (Jul 1, 2012)

smiley x said:


> thanks for your reply
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Well, anxiety is also a trigger for DP. Depression and anxiety also have some sort of connection (SSRI), so all in all there could be several reasons for your DP. Good for you that you have something else to focus on!


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## onlygirlintheworld (Jul 3, 2012)

Nothing is enough to focus on







I can't sleep, I cam barely eat and want the switch to turn back on again in my head so that I am me again! What can I do to help myself get better? I got better before but I'm so scared and only have the people on here and one friend who understands to talk to







x


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## Alienated (Jul 1, 2012)

smiley x said:


> Nothing is enough to focus on
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, I am not a doctor, but it sounds like you should try SSRI-medication. Your anxiety is keeping you trapped in your head and it keeps feeding your DP while your lack of sleep drains your energy and makes you even more nervous. SSRI-medication will calm you down and give you a break from your constant anxiety.


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## Alienated (Jul 1, 2012)

smiley x said:


> Nothing is enough to focus on
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, I am not a doctor, but it sounds like you should try SSRI-medication. Your anxiety is keeping you trapped in your head and it keeps feeding your DP while your lack of sleep drains your energy and makes you even more nervous. SSRI-medication will calm you down and give you a break from your constant anxiety. This will also help on your DP and your focus.

Its the best advice I can give you.


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## onlygirlintheworld (Jul 3, 2012)

Thankyou, I was on medication before and I got better for like a year and a half, i wasn't constantly questioning whether i am real an whether i am still me, but they stopped working recently so I'm taking different ones, only just started these ones so i just have to be patient







I'm trying to think of things to look forward to an distract myself and trying to stop thinking that i am not me anymore coz i know its just a paranoid feeling and that i am, when its really bad i can't feel anything, but I still feel loving feelings towards my family an friends an earlier on i started crying which is probably a good thing







everyone else still feels like them at the moment, so thats comforting at least! Thankyou for your reply, i got better once, i know deep deep down that i can again







x


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## Alienated (Jul 1, 2012)

smiley x said:


> Thankyou, I was on medication before and I got better for like a year and a half, i wasn't constantly questioning whether i am real an whether i am still me, but they stopped working recently so I'm taking different ones, only just started these ones so i just have to be patient
> 
> 
> 
> ...


SSRI-medications takes about 2-6 weeks before they start to work. In between they can cause a lot of terrible side-effects wich will slow down after a while. If you have just started treatment with a SSRI-drug then it is not so strange that you feel the way you do. I got worse before I got better.









You'll get through this! Hold on and keep telling yourself that this is only temporarily. You already know this because you have taken these pills before.


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## onlygirlintheworld (Jul 3, 2012)

Thankyou







I will get through this again! I dont feel that good this morning but i go up an down through the day, hopefully rest of the day will be better! Thanks for talking to me, last time i had this i felt so alone, never realised there was so many people out there going through the same thing! X


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## kate7 (Jul 25, 2010)

I was reading your post . It sounded so familiar. The same was with me too. I was on zoloft i felt lot better . I took it almost ayear. When i felt better i stop taking it. I was without med almost a year. But now i still feel not good, my dp came back. You are right first couple month was realy hard when i start taking medication. I thought its not gonna come back, but it did. So u are not alone.


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## onlygirlintheworld (Jul 3, 2012)

Aww I'm sorry that yours came back too, I thought I had everything figured out but I so didn't lol, hope u feel better soon


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## onlygirlintheworld (Jul 3, 2012)

x


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