# The Big Blank Mind Thread



## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

*Derp*​
*Are you experiencing BM and/or cogntive impairment/decline?*

Yes, i'm paralyzed by BM/CI2234.92%Yes, this is one of my main symptoms2234.92%Yah, i gots me sum of dat57.94%My intellectual capacity has not changed since getting DP46.35%I have an overactive mind 1015.87%


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

The term "blank mind" has been used 586 times in this forum. Considering that this term isn't well known, and seeing it being described as everything from retardation to mental fatigue it's safe to conclude that the prevalence is much higher than 586, and because of this i think it warrants its own dedicated thread.

The purpose of this thread is to gather the blank minders under one roof to create a more structured conversation instead of it being scattered all around the forum. It is also my hope that we'll establish a definition of this syndrome from our combined symptomatology. This is also the place to discuss symptom relief, day to day life with a comprimized cognition, possible treatment, ideas and thoughts. All things blank mind related essentially.

I might as well kick it off with a brief summary of my story.

I experienced sporadic depersonalization as a child due to early trauma. I was a very anxious and neurotic kid.

At the age of 14 i developed chronic DP following a 2 week existential freak-out. I lived just fine with this condition up until 2 years ago.

At this point i had been chronically depersonalized for 10 years. I started noticing cognitive decline.

Doing simple calculations got tougher, my language suffered, my short term memory deteriorated.

There were no apparent reasons for this sudden change in cognition. No traumatic events, no nothing.

Fast forward to may of this year, i contracted some form of gastrointestinal infection. Being who i am i intepreted this to be cancer which sent me into a hypochondrial tailspin. My brain responded to this by shutting down further cogntive functions to protect myself from my thoughts.

Well, my brain succeeded and i longer have conscious thoughts. A win for my cowardly brain, but a tragedy for me.

My life as a broccoli is what it is. i Haven't given up yet though. The bright side of this is that i feel no emotional despair. I'm shut down. I can stick around.

A perfect example of my challenges is writing this thread. Which took me two days . Two days of hard work, mind you.

The methodology i have employ to write anything is to google every word, every sentence i "think" might be fitting, paste them into the page, then try and organize them into a somewhat coherent sequence as best as i can.

The reason behind this is that i'm not able to visualize anything. I can't transport a sentence into my brain and determine whether it's correct or not.

Because, again, it's shut off. This is across the board. My brain doesn't register speech, writing, music etc. I can't recall anything, because it wasn't registered in the first place. It never happened. I can't watch series, i can't listen to the radio. I don't hear it.

Several times while writing this i had to literally repeat sentences out loud 50 to 100 times. And i have to do it at blistering speeds because it's wiped off my brain within milliseconds.

This should be enough to get us started.


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

I believe i experience Depersonalization, and I have an OVERACTIVE MIND. Specially when i laydown to sleep at night. A "thought branching overload".

Strangely, sometimes i have moment when i feel spaced out and feel like my mind is just blank.

My imagination is not how it used to be either. I still daydream very often during the day but its like its less vivid imagination.


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## EricFassbender (Dec 2, 2016)

Since 1 1/2 month that I am dp/dr (weed badtrip), and since my biggest fear happen to be schizophrenia... my mind have gone almost blank because of the level of anxiety (was already very anxious/depressed before my badtrip) I can "fonction" but it is like I'm on a nerve breakdown, I have memory and concentration but because of my fear level being too damn high I can't "grab them"... and that makes me worst.

I think what makes our mind goes blank is particulary the focus we have for other thing that we have no control on (our symptoms, fears etc) which doesn't let us have a "free mind"...


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Bloody hell, I just came onto the forum to look of this and this is what I find.

"my life as a broccoli", you made me laugh and then i felt sad. Jesus, this is not what I want to be, nor what I want you to be.

This is the most fucking horrendous thing ever. I am sorry for swearing but its needs to be emphasised.

I was a very smart and sharp guy....now I am slow, cannot think or visualise, and as if I have Alzheimer's.

Not a clue what triggered it exactly, but I am looking into NMDA/glutamate for the cnogitive issues and maybe kappa receptor agonism for other aspects of dislocation.

Tbh, it's far too complex and I need to find a doctor who can help me. The NHS keep messing me around over stupid things. I am going to call a psychiatrist tomorrow and ask him for help and see if he can do anything.

I feel suicidal over this - probably like a lot of us. We need to get better!!!!!!


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Look at the scale of how people are impaired by this.


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## Ningen (Apr 16, 2015)

I often call the blank mind and depersonalization in general "the other side of humanity." Most people are feeling, thinking, perceiving, lively beings while we are empty, emotionless, thoughtless, disconnected creatures fighting for scraps of humanity not for our satisfaction, but in order to temporarily validate our precarious existence so that we do not fall into the pit of something that seems far worse than death and non existence, a nothingness that relentlessly attempts to eliminate any sense of existence by destroying everything which makes up the identity into smaller and smaller pieces in some of the most painful and mortifying ways possible.


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

> Considering this symptom lacks a definition of any kind


It's defined as the feeling of not having any thoughts.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

I used to be very smart and had a huge imagination. I was quick-witted and funny. Now I can barely leave my bed. I don't have any conscious thoughts, it feels like I don't have a head at all. I can't recall anything or remember my past. Completely absent of thoughts, thinking, visualizing, imagining, planning, etc.

I have had DP happening to me for 7 years but there was a few times I came out of it for a bit and when I did I couldn't believe everything was still there. This episode has been 2 years long 24/7. Happened after a shocking break up. I feel hopeless in this. Someone mentioned Alzheimer's and I feel like this is similar to that.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Hedgehog fuzz

I take it you're new to this so i'll take this oppurtunity to briefly inform you about the ineptitude of the "mental" "health" industry

First of all. You will never meet a mental health worker with a thorough understanding of DP. If such a therapist exists, we in this forum will know about it.

This is DP headquarters. We are the authorities on this condition. This is it. Every professional with an interest in DP is associated with this forum.

Believe me on this one. I've personally talked to every dissociation specialist in Scandinavia. The experience can be compared to talking with a borderline retarded 6th grader.

This needs to be understood. Besides, cognitive therapy seems unlikely to work without a cognition, wouldn't you agree?

That being said. If you want a prescription for a certain drug and if you can muster the strength to suffer through the required narcissistic meanderings of a psychiatrist,

it's worth it. "The London Mix" is the standard protocol. I'm currently on Lamictal. Did nothing for my DP/BM, but it gave me a lift.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

TDX said:


> It's defined as the feeling of not having any thoughts.


Well, that's not an actual diagnostic definition. I'm looking for a consensus as to what constitutes a "blank mind" so that we can be more precise when talking about it .

I don't think of this as merely a symptom, but rather a condition all in of itself. Surely it's linked to DP, but yeah..


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Did DP and BM strike simultaneously CoffieGirl? Or did BM develop gradually?

BM seems to me to be a very natural consequence of being disconnected from oneself over an extensive period of time.

If it's not used, it dies. This is common knowledge. I'd imagine the same to be true for our consciousness.


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## derrrr (Dec 7, 2016)

I don't have blank mind, but from what I've read of peoples' stories about blank mind on here, it sounds like an issue of not being in auto-pilot think mode anymore, at all, but rather a hypervigilant/hyperaware/meta-cognitive state common in (c)PTSD and OCD.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Well, I hope that I can prove you wrong REB. Wouldn't that be nice (no sarcasm intended).


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

Yep. I used to have dp/dr with racing/looping thoughts, but that finally culminated into a blank mind, a void, if you will. It's as though my psyche couldn't handle the constant negative thoughts and emotions any longer that my mind had been "fighting" with and so it decided to check out.

This is the worst possible state I've ever been in and cannot imagine anything worse except for perhaps total insanity/psychosis.

Ever since this "blankness" began, I feel as though I've been trapped in an eternal moment of emptiness, despair, hopelessness and suicidal waves of terror practically daily. No enjoyment from anything, I function like a robot, walk the streets like a ghost, like the living dead.

I've been corresponding with someone who went through this state and came out of it in a year by grounding himself through yoga, meditation and doing activities he "enjoyed" so there is some sort of hope, although we need to take action for this to pass, as he says. It likely won't go away on its own, from what I understand. As some have been telling me so far - I need to "get back into my body."


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Keep us updated, hedgehog.

Dreamedm. I would also consider a fullblown psychosis worse than this. But i would do so in the sense that i would choose chronic leukemia over acute leukemia if that makes sense. With acute leukemia you live or you die. With chronic leukemia you certainly die, but you have all the time in the world and you're not in agonizing pain.

I see my friends struggling with anxiety, depression and other thought-induced horrors. i can't help but feel blessed for being shielded from this.

BM is like nature's horse tranquilizer and i actually don't want to jump back on the emotional rollercoaster.

The point being, we have time. At least, that's how i "feel".


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I had psychotic elements to this when this all first started a few months ago. I stopped myself going into full blown psychosis through willpower but it was hard. It was the most horrendous thing imaginable. Life is horrendous now though with this blank mind. I used to have a constant internal dialogue and self-directedness towards actions and goals but now...nothing.

Maybe the theory that this is because it was too much for my mind to handle are true. I had some awful awful and unpredictable things happen last year.....things got rocked the foundations of who I am, some to do with sex, and so on. It destroyed me.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Of course it's true. We're predisposed to react with dissociation to stress. That's well established.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

I'm also curious how you guys communicate this condition to friends and family?

I've never bothered telling anyone about this, and i never will. People know i'm mentally ill because of my reclusiveness and they often try to talk to me about it.

I find this excruciatingly awkward because i just have to go along and nod my head to stuff like "i'm so depressed, and my life is a mess".

And then they look at me like they want me to share my mental issues. I have none. I have no thoughts about the future, i have no aspirations, no views on anything.


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

Huh. All this time I was almost sure that I've developed simple schizophrenia. But the amount of people suffering from the exact same symptoms like me is telling me that it might be chronic DP. I'm so confused...


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

What are your symptoms, sad frog?


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

Blank mind, indifference (emotional numbness), anhedonia, apathy, no libido, tinnitus, muscle fasciculations (dunno if it's connected).


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Did your symptoms develop after a traumatic or stressful event?


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

Stressful event. It escalated when I smoked weed. I woke up with anxiety, derealization and which was the scariest - HOCD.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

Did you find the HOCD the scariest? Do you want to elaborate (if you feel comfortable).

HOCD really fucked me up. It's destroyed me practically. I know how you feel. Mine came after I experienced severe loss of control in sex addiction (it's real), and I fucked a transgender escort. That really was the start of a long line of awfulness.

Do you have hallucinations, delusions (like believing you are God or being controlled by Aliens), or anything else like perceptual abnormalities?


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

Nope. 0 psychotic-like symptoms.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

doesn't sound like schizophrenia. maybe more like dp/dr.


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

And when I'm on venlafaxine and trying to fall asleep something weird and fascinating (in some way) is happening. The thing is, even though I'm anhedonic I'm constantly playing one game. So, sometimes when I'm starting to zone out in my bed, my mind is creating some kind of simulation. I can play in my head just like I'm awake. It's not dream. More like controlled dream. Matrix-like thing.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Not to be an asshole, but i don't think this is the right place to discuss compulsive gayness . Unless it's somehow related to blank mindedness. Take it to PM, guys.


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

The biggest impact on my blank mind had psychostimulant called ethylphenidate. It has been delegalized and I'm using methylphenidate instead. It's much safer but it's not powerful as ethyl. EPH was making me almost psychotic on the comedown. My mind was racing with unlogical thoughts, couldn't sleep, everything was 10x worse.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> I had psychotic elements to this when this all first started a few months ago. I stopped myself going into full blown psychosis through willpower but it was hard. It was the most horrendous thing imaginable. Life is horrendous now though with this blank mind. I used to have a constant internal dialogue and self-directedness towards actions and goals but now...nothing.


Same.


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

Same as dream and hedgehog


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

compulsive gayness? fuck off


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

sorry REB, i take it back. having a bad time.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

I am a second behind everything. My processing speed is like a tortoise.

I fee like I am dying, although at least with death its over with, this is like pointless halfway-human existence. I must recover my quickenss and intellect. I used to be able to boss my academic work before, with a lot of effort because I wasn't a genius but not stupid either, and now I can't do anything.

This evening I have noticed how slow I am. I just made a drink in my kitchen and it's like I am so slow.

I am about to email a researcher about treatments for DP/DR.

Now I am thinking out loud. I've written to people and done a bit here and a bit there, but I need to get my life sorted and get the right help. Nobody can do either of those overnight, but there is SO MUCH to talk about (including compulsive gayness as our brother has pointed out) that I need to get cracking.

I'm going to get referred to the Depersonalisation Unit and see what these guys and gals can do for me.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

That's ok, mate. Poorly worded by me. That's actually what i thought OCHD was.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Many people from here have been at the DP unit. I know there are some threads about it on here. You could read up on that and see if it's worth it.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

I have had depression and anxiety since I was in middle school. It started with abuse and not socially integrating. My intellectual capabilities have been fluctuating since 14. Becoming depersonalized at 19 is not the reason for it. We all experience fluctuations, and we all get blank minds sometimes.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Yeah, but we're chronically intellectually compromised. Due to the absence of conscious thought. There's no fluctuation.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

REB said:


> Yeah, but we're chronically intellectually compromised. Due to the absence of conscious thought. There's no fluctuation.


I would agree to your statement about being chronically intellectually compromised (otherwise known as being tired, stressed, depressed, depersonalized...). All biological systems "fluctuate," and you are using conscious thought at this very moment.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Oink.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

I'm trying to discourage people from dramatizing a situation that is already quite difficult. I dramatize all the time, and know I it just causes me to feel worse. I can't imagine how it feels to be saying, "My mind is gone!" and stuff like that.


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## REB (Aug 2, 2016)

Don't patronize me. And please don't categorically dismiss our devestating intellectual deteriortation as a matter of mere emotionality which could be solved by a simple change of attitude or by the terminology we use to describe it. This might be true for you, but it might not be true for us.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

You're still conscious. You're still intellectually capable. You don't have anything objective to prove that your mind is deteriorating at a rate faster than the average person's. Try to relax and focus on getting better. All of us here know how hard it is.


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## devin44 (Nov 19, 2014)

Hoooly shit. I don't know if this should go here, it's probably more general than specifically for this. Just thought I'd say that I've had fucking unbearable blank mind for almost three years (after four years of racing mind DP and an intense anxiety disorder). To the point of despair like you all, inevitable thoughts of suicide. Just had the weirdest/best sensation. Like...a physical feeling as well as psychological. A small amount of feeling returning to my nerves, like heating up inside after a long freezing walk. I feel more that I'm in my own body. I'm now getting a quiet inner monologue again. My time perception is about 15% better, my concentration 20%. My parents were saying things and I thought about what they said, a little, rather than it just bouncing off like white noise. Even typing this little paragraph I'm considerably more aware than I've been in ages. Dunno what to attribute this to really - I have been home for a bit, but I've been back plenty of times. It doesn't feel like home yet, but certainly more than it has done in years. I've just gone veggie, could that have had an effect? Who knows, and I'm a way off being 'better'. What it's done is given me a modicum of hope that we - our personalities and feelings and intellects - are not 'gone', just intensely, intensely withdrawn into ourselves for assumed 'protection'. Even if it's just for this evening it's been lovely. Peace to y'all!


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## devin44 (Nov 19, 2014)

I'm talking and it sounds like it's coming from my mouth! I swear I never knew I'd be so excited to be able to make such a ridiculous statement.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

That's great to hear, devin. Are you exercising as well, or just went veggie recently? Are you eating sweets? Also, are you, or were you, on any medication(s)?


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## devin44 (Nov 19, 2014)

No exercise, just a change of diet. No meds yet but I'm going to try I think. The improvement receded on the same night as I expected it might, but it was a significant enough change that it's given me a little fuel in the tank. To link it back to the thread - my blank mind very much improved for a shortish time. That's enough for me to suppose that it's not any sort of irreversible brain damage, only something not working correctly right now.

I know it seems rather trite but I would recommend some consideration of diet. I always wrote it off as a minor adjustment, but it's a considerable difference in feeling. I don't know if the temporary lift was to do with diet or just random, but it was appreciated.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

devin44 said:


> No exercise, just a change of diet. No meds yet but I'm going to try I think. The improvement receded on the same night as I expected it might, but it was a significant enough change that it's given me a little fuel in the tank. To link it back to the thread - my blank mind very much improved for a shortish time. That's enough for me to suppose that it's not any sort of irreversible brain damage, only something not working correctly right now.
> 
> I know it seems rather trite but I would recommend some consideration of diet. I always wrote it off as a minor adjustment, but it's a considerable difference in feeling. I don't know if the temporary lift was to do with diet or just random, but it was appreciated.


Too much stress is not good for your brain. Pls diet, exercise, socialize, learn, sleep, and have sex as much as you reasonably can...and try to manage things so there is less stress, if possible. Taking these steps, you will see *some* improvement in dp, or any disorder for that matter.

And congrats on getting your voice back. That reminds me of how peter pan needed to stitch on his shadow with magic invisible thread.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

devin that's awesome.


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## PermanentBrainFart (Apr 19, 2015)

Absolutely amazing finding this thread, to be able to finally read about others with the exact or very similar issues to me has come at the right time. It's been a very long, arduous and painful experience these past 6/7 years I've had this blank mind, its had a devastating impact on all aspects of my life.

Having had a think back to my younger days I realised I had some form of dissociation issues which waxed and waned through my early teens, which I was strangely unaware of, even still when the illness hit at 19 after a combination of stress and smoking weed.

Since the disorder started, weirdly i was so disconnected from things that I was unaware that my emotions were so blunted only up until about a year ago, even though i wasn't able to watch tv shows, films or read books for example, I was unable to fully comprehend that I wasn't enjoying things as much due to being so disconnected from myself.

My experience has been very tricky as I don't look/act too dissimilar from my old self in front of friends/family, but I just am unable to hold a conversation, think moment by moment anywhere like I used to, but, as long as I'm not too symptomatic I can pull off an interaction with someone, albeit coming off as anxious and lacking in substance, subject matter or sustained eye contact.

I've also had a lot of physical symptoms from eating certain foods, and beverages too like coffee, alcohol, fermented drinks, this part has been as big a piss take as the blank mind symptom due to the constant fluctuations in symptoms it gives me on a daily basis. Also I get a surge of crappy adrenaline if I don't eat quick enough in the mornings and in between meals...

I'm currently on a combo of memantine and inositol, the memantine seems to of done a good job at dampening things down, inositol (the more I increase the dose) seems to bring back my feelings and sense of connection to the world around me. But still a pretty long way to go at the moment, fingers crossed though.

I very much look forward to hearing others ideas and approaches for how to go about treatment, talking to family and friends etc.

I'd appreciate responses from anyone with any similar experiences.


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## devin44 (Nov 19, 2014)

Haha pretty poetic dude! Well it was back and it's sort of gone again, though it does seem to have improved a bit generally. I think because I'm still young, no allowing myself to burn the candle at both ends felt like giving up a bit. But there's no shame in taking care of yourself, I'd rather be a bit boring every now and then and feel marginally better overall. Take care of yourself too dude (and everyone)! Diet/exercise may not fix DP/DR but they can sure make it a hell of a lot more bearable.

P.S. The Pixies are fkn great.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

Ningen said:


> I often call the blank mind and depersonalization in general "the other side of humanity." Most people are feeling, thinking, perceiving, lively beings while we are empty, emotionless, thoughtless, disconnected creatures fighting for scraps of humanity not for our satisfaction, but in order to temporarily validate our precarious existence so that we do not fall into the pit of something that seems far worse than death and non existence, a nothingness that relentlessly attempts to eliminate any sense of existence by destroying everything which makes up the identity into smaller and smaller pieces in some of the most painful and mortifying ways possible.


That...was so damn accurate!


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I completely relate, well written.


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## dolphin (Jun 3, 2016)

Anyone getting better from this? I still experience it chronically after one night of weed/alcohol usage. I find it really hard to explain to people how I feel but the blank mind symptom ties into the brain fog/lightheadedness/stoned feeling. I feel like I could stare at a wall for hours and do nothing. It's like I've lost my ability to live life intuitively. Even when I try to ignore it, socialize, it never goes .. I suffer from cognitive impairment too - I'm able to do well in school because of ridiculous hard work but it's like I have a problem processing information. When I try to read or listen to something theres a mental gap between the words and my brain actually processing them. I have executive functioning problems as well, like I can formulate a plan if I take the time to write something out (takes a lot of effort) but I am no longer able to plan things in my brain. It's like I can't hold a thought.


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

Maybe I said it earlier but methylphenidate helps with this. But I don't recommend if you are anxious or have history of psychotic illness in family. It's hard to get prescription anyway.


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## blankxi (Dec 11, 2020)

dreamedm said:


> Yep. I used to have dp/dr with racing/looping thoughts, but that finally culminated into a blank mind, a void, if you will. It's as though my psyche couldn't handle the constant negative thoughts and emotions any longer that my mind had been "fighting" with and so it decided to check out.
> 
> This is the worst possible state I've ever been in and cannot imagine anything worse except for perhaps total insanity/psychosis.
> 
> ...


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## blankxi (Dec 11, 2020)

I was wondering if you could give an update. is your mind still blank?


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