# 80%ish.......and a few months ago I thought I'd never mend..



## Guest (May 27, 2009)

Honestly. I used to read this forum every day being really jealous of all the people recovering, not being able to see a way out or even conveive what normality would be like.

I was convinced that because it was apparently possible to have it for 10+ years I would be one of the unlucky few. 
However one thing that did help me was the thought that it is only fairly recently that DP has come into public awareness - prior to this I'd imagine there was little information/support available to sufferers hence the people we now have who have suffered for many years - and I think truly it is knowledge and understanding of the mechanism and reasons for DP which help you recover. This is just a theory, please don't start getting abusive about it, I'm open to suggestion. A lot of people have underlying trauma that needs dealing with before the DP (the symptom) can clear also.

I look back now and see how I spiralled downwards by worrying about a seizure I had had, then worrying about feeling strange, etc etc and having NO idea what was happening to me. (this was November 2005 onwards). I had little improvement, spent most of my time crying or in bed back home at my parents, all day every day trying to figure it out, looking it up on the internet, trying to find a way out. It was only when I discovered that DP is thought to be a stress/anxiety mechanism (fight or flight) and can continue if you latch on to the weird feelings and worry about them, creating an endless cycle and exhausting your brain, that I began to understand. Paul David's book, from www.anxietynomore.co.uk gave me an excellent insight into the whole tired brain scenario.

Gradually I learnt to just let my brain rest, not hassling it anymore, by mentally telling myself 'every time you fight against this, give it a thought or try and think your way out of it, you are tiring your brain more and pushing away recovery' and then try and just get on with life and be as busy as I could manage. I made things as simple but as positive as I could, kept lots of support and if I got through another day that was fine and anything else was a bonus.

I have been on Effexor, Prozac, Cipralex and Lexapro and am currently on 150mg of Effexor.
I had little moments of recovery but really had quite a big one when I had a really bad patch in January and got put up to 150mg Effexor from previous 75mg. I believe meds depend on the person as the others didn't really help and Effexor is an anti-anxiety agent - I have always been a twitchy anxious type, and had been doing depressant drugs for years so I think this was part of what I needed to face and treat.

Basically, imagine your brain to be like a sleeping child. If you disturb it before it has had enough sleep and wakes up on its own and smiles, it will wake and cry and cry before having to go back to sleep again and taking even longer to get that smile............get on with whatever you can but try not to dwell on your feelings as it always goes round in circles, and never try and force recovery - because when you do you push it away and when you're really better you won't have to force anything, there won't be anything to be forced if that makes sense.

Right now you probably can't imagine what normality is like

But before DP you couldn't imagine what DP was like....

I'm hoping, and other people have said this is true - that on recovery you again forget what DP was like - you'll always know about DP but hopefully it will be way in the past for you.

I KNOW so MUCH how easy it is to say all this and so HARD to implement.........but it HAS happened for me and I was so convinced I would be one of the ones left behind. I used to come on here every day and it was only last night I thought 'oh crap, I always promised if I recovered I would try and help those still suffering'

So here I am and I know you're thinking 'that'll never be me, they're so lucky'

But I used to think exactly that..........and after over 3 and a half years of HELL I am smiling and can see light at the end of the tunnel.

Key things that have helped me:

Got a new job I love
Discovered my real friends and cherished them and strengthened our friendships
Spent time with my family and the dogs (yes, dogs are therapeutic, I promise you! Cuddly cocker spaniels anyway)
Yoga/swimming/walking
Sorting out my finances
Reading
Music
Just been on holiday to Nice to get out of my comfort zone
Not allowing myself to NOT do things that I would normally, just because of how I feel.
Writing a list of all the things I wanted to achieve in life, reminders of what I used to do with my days, what my hobbies are, stuff about me basically - it comforted me to have these 'reminders' of me.......
Whenever I caught myself trying to think myself better said to myself 'your brain is KNACKERED, leave it to sleep, stop hassling it , you're pushing recovery away' and try and change train of thought. I honestly believe DP is recovery from a big shock or the result of years of worry or trauma, drugs, or a combination of these and the reason you stay ill is because you give it status as something in it's own right - when it isn't it is a recovery system - you cannot 'fight' or think your way out of the very recovery mechanism - it is just something you have to go through while your brain readjusts and mends itself. All the worrying and thinking delay this because they tire it more.

Sorry if I've gone on, so much to say, so want to comfort everyone........

Good luck and you can all do it!


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## Guest (May 27, 2009)

Also, these helped:

viewtopic.php?f=28&t=18431

viewtopic.php?f=28&t=17525

B-vitamins

Kava Kava

General good nutrition and exercise

I also had a tendency to think 'oh but what if I recover and then relapse'............but then I realised that if I relapsed it meant I had not completely mended and my brain needed more time and maybe I had had another stressful event - so I decided to make sure I take time out for relaxation as much as possible and that it was completely counterproductive to 'what if'.......and that I had to let go of the control.......and let my brain do the work as it knows it's job and is so so powerful


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## Guest (May 27, 2009)

DONT FORGET VERY POWERFULL BENZODIAZAPINES!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Just wanted to say; Brilliant post! Everything you say is so true. Recovering is both _so_ easy, and _so_ hard.
You have to change your habitual though, you are_ thinking_ yourself ill.
I've started to keep a dp-diary, writing down every little insight I get along the way, and also the frustrations I encounter.
Hopefully I will see some sort of pattern, and that everything is not as complicated as it feels right now, and I'll be able to let my fears go and go on living.
I have recovered in the past; and I assure you, you will not remember what it felt like, and you will be yourself (only wiser) when you do. If you find you're scared of a relapse once you are recovered again, work on getting that fear under control, or you'll most likely "obsess" yourself right back.


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## Guest (May 27, 2009)

york said:


> Just wanted to say; Brilliant post! Everything you say is so true. Recovering is both _so_ easy, and _so_ hard.
> You have to change your habitual though, you are_ thinking_ yourself ill.
> I've started to keep a dp-diary, writing down every little insight I get along the way, and also the frustrations I encounter.
> Hopefully I will see some sort of pattern, and that everything is not as complicated as it feels right now, and I'll be able to let my fears go and go on living.
> I have recovered in the past; and I assure you, you will not remember what it felt like, and you will be yourself (only wiser) when you do. If you find you're scared of a relapse once you are recovered again, work on getting that fear under control, or you'll most likely "obsess" yourself right back.


Im glad you have that mindset Anny, and it sounds like you are feeling a little better, which is good, Im glad to hear it.


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## Guest (May 27, 2009)

eduEDU1 said:


> DONT FORGET VERY POWERFULL BENZODIAZAPINES!!!!!!!!!!!!


I haven't used them in my recovery. I used to use them recreationally a few years ago.......but have recovered without them - they may be useful to some though.......as I said it's an individual thing for each person


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## Guest (May 27, 2009)

Phasedout24 said:


> eduEDU1 said:
> 
> 
> > DONT FORGET VERY POWERFULL BENZODIAZAPINES!!!!!!!!!!!!
> ...


Im glad you recovered without them.  If I didnt have them I would be back in the psych ward.  I hate that I have to have them but when I dont, my DP goes from a 6 to a 12 out of 10, LOL. :shock:


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## Guest (May 28, 2009)

Re benzos and meds and to put it all as simply as poss:

- Your brain is exhausted and needs whatever time it needs to heal

- You cannot change this or do anything about the time it needs - including trying to force, think yourself better - this is what is meant by acceptance - getting on with your life taking the DP with you but not focussing on how bad you feel or how to get better because it is just a case of your brain resting and doing the work for you while you live your life

- You can't take a pill to rest your brain - you can't force or make recovery quicker

- However for some, underlying or comorbid anxiety/depression might be making you more susceptible to tiring your brain more by overthinking, worrying etc - so the pills/talk therapy etc should be for that - DP is a symptom of a recovering/resting brain and an antiquated defense mechanism against stress/worry/fear - this is why it gets worse the more you dwell/worry/stress/fear it

- Distraction means doing anything you can to take your focus/mind off the DP - even if you know it is there if you can stop the obsessive thoughts by reading, watching some tv, playing a computer game, cooking, swimming, talking to someone, art/craft......I couldn't even read/watch tv for months at my worst but I did have someone to natter to and if nothing else I would lie down and try to meditate with some soothing music on. Also - dogs and cats are meant to be therapeutic - my spaniels were fab, they love cuddling and they seemed to know I needed it, the boy in particular because he was a lot more clingy when I was at my worst and followed me everywhere, sat on me whenever I sat down (doesn't usually - prefers the floor) etc
- once you understand it is only your brain taking a time out and REALLY know that - it becomes gradually easier to just get on with your life, however simply it may be - as I said, anything beyond getting through the day is a bonus - and let the DP be there as long as it has to be for your brain to get required rest.

- If you catch yourself trying to force it or think it away/better - tell yourself 'when I am really better I will not NEED to force/think myself better - all I am doing is pushing recovery further away' - this 'mantra' really helped me

Big hugs and love, I'm not 100% but I am really happy at the moment and have been for the last couple of weeks...........might still slip up, have done many times but you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and tomorrow is a new day to have another go

I'm not saying it is easy or trying to patronise anyone because it is the worst thing EVER and without my mum and dad I don't know if I would have made it. Who knows I may be back one day with relapse but I can't live thinking that forever so I'm just gonna keep on getting on with my life.

Peace all, you're all amazing


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## Jessesaur (Jul 25, 2009)

Thank you so much for this post, it is very helpful. The idea that the brain gets overtired from over thinking and needs a rest makes a lot of sense. I really do feel like I am thinking myself ill(feels like I'm going crazy sometimes). Finding this board and especially reading recovery stories of people who have had it for a looong time like me, has made me start feeling better.


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## Guest (Aug 9, 2009)

I'm glad I read this because Claire Weekes (author of self help for your nerves) says that feelings of unreality are caused from an over tired mind. I'm starting to think that I just overwork my brain with OCD thoughts and trying too hard to do well with work and get better.


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## DownTheRabbitHole (May 30, 2009)

epic post, this could totally work for me.
i was feeling almost 100 percent id say the other day, then i was soo scared i was going to get bad dp again, i slipped back into it,(weed didnt help...but im doing my self a favour really..im actually starting to not like the high and doing it anymore now which is a good thing for me)


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I know the reason I got ill again was because I was sooo scared I would. I really want to recover, I'm really really tired. How does one stop the ocd?? It's like having a duck on your head and trying not to think about it.


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## Guest (Aug 17, 2009)

york said:


> It's like having a duck on your head and trying not to think about it.


This made me laugh 

Am really happy that this post has helped people, as I used to feel happy reading others posts so it is nice to know that I can do the same 

I'm still not totally there, mind you, but that is cos I keep forgetting and trying to think the last bit away which of course tires the brain again and takes me back a step - impatience! Its all about learning to step aside and trust/let your brain do the work and just do simple tasks. Frustrating but necessary! And remember there is no rush, noone is out there doing anything massively exciting or important that you are missing, no matter how much it feels like it!


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