# My recovery



## Chelsea (Aug 10, 2011)

Not sure if anyone's gonna read this, but I wanna share my story. I was a part of this board too and feel like I should share my experience.

I remember first coming to this board panicking about the delirium going on inside my head, where I couldn't seperate reality from dreams. I was literally crying and shaking because I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not. That was July 2011.

I got DP+DR due to drugs consumption. All in all I was a stupid kid and the stupidity backfired. I remember reading dozens of posts on recovery and how to get better, and truthfully, none helped.

This is only because, *there is NO cure. There is time.*

Also, I wanna say I never went to therapy. I think that *psychiatrists are ignorant frauds, preaching shit they never experienced. Only YOU can help YOURSELF.*

I can honestly say I've recovered, and am now so much more "myself" than I was before I got DP.

I took Xanax 0.25 for two years each day, and Zoloft 50mg for a year. Xanax is shit. Zoloft helped me get rid of the panic attacks forever. The trick about these pills is that, you have to stop taking them when you feel like you can do without. Don't be a pussy and take them just because it's easier, because this is the way to get addicted. I've gone through numerous both xanax and zoloft withdrawals. The only thing is to slowly tapper off. Zoloft is poison, truthfully. Everytime when I would stop taking it, 4-5 days after I would start getting these electric zaps in my chest - and I was only on 50 mg. It took me almost 3 months to completely tapper off.

Xanax is another story. I remember 3 months after starting to take it, feeling like I could do without, but I loved smoking cigarettes and if I wanted to keep smoking them I had to keep taking Xanax. HUGE mistake. I would recover so much faster if I stopped taking it back then. I'm not smoking anymore. I quit cigarettes and weed and all drugs.

(3 months is an interval recommended for Xanax therapy)

So,* how did I recover?*

I got DP+DR+panic attacks+abnormal anxiety, all 2 months before I was supposed to start college (uni). I was so scared I wanted to quit. But I didn't. I made new friends, with both my voice and hands shaking, I'd get drunk before presentations etc. I did all this shit which made me realize anxiety is not the boss of me.

Anxiety feeds on your fear. And it hates self-confidence. Fight it, prove yourself you can do anything. Go to school when you don't want to, take that tranquilizer if you have to, but don't stop your life. *Each experience will help you build your new self. *It may take months or years but when you truly build youself so fully, no one will be able to shake what you know about yourself.

In a way, DP makes us reborn. With DP, you are nothing more than an adult who was just born into this world. Take the opportunity to fully build yourself all over again, and make that person better, stronger and braver than the one before. 

To be honest, I still can't give up presentations in front of the students with complete tranquility, or go to a casting call for a commercial and have a camera stare at me and not feel anxious or as if I'll pass out. At those times, I still take a xanax. If you are not meant to hold public presentations, then you are not. It's simple as that. Don't torture yourself.

I've bought herbal tranquilizers, after experiencing those withdrawals and realizing what they do to your body, though they are shit compared to Xanax. They do work though, you can take 10 of them and you won't overdose.

The thing is though, the first day after triggering DP, I was lying in my bed, with no thought process, staring at TV and not knowing shit of who I am. Others seemed like aliens and landscape as though I was in a video game. I was nothing. Now, I have built myself MYSELF, so fully that I can defend my self at all times knowing perfectly who I am, and what I am like. I know myself. I know who I am. How many DP'rs can say that?

Pharmaceutical industry is a mafia only interested in making consumers. *We all are only PAINFULLY AWARE OF OURSELVES, and society named it anxiety.* They named it depression because of how f++++d up the world is. These drugs are making you numb to seeing everything that is wrong with this world.

Get the f+++ up, go on with your life, have an ambition, a purpose, be a soul rather than a human, and give yourself into everything you do. That is the only way you will get to know yourself and be you.

It doesn't mean you cannot be scared. Don't be scared of fear, embrace opportunities and do things you want to. Fear will fuck off eventually.

You wouldn't get this if you weren't able to get rid of it. You can get something out of it.


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## Vitellius (Jul 18, 2013)

good post


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

Nice post and i think that horse disagree but who cares.


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## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

Cute and smart. Thanks


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## L.Z. (Oct 15, 2012)

horse with no name


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## Cotillion (Oct 23, 2012)

Chelsea said:


> I got DP+DR+panic attacks+abnormal anxiety, all 2 months before I was supposed to start college (uni). I was so scared I wanted to quit. But I didn't.* I made new friends, with both my voice and hands shaking*, I'd get drunk before presentations etc.* I did all this shit which made me realize anxiety is not the boss of me*.
> 
> Anxiety feeds on your fear. And it hates self-confidence. Fight it, *prove yourself you can do anything. Go to school when you don't want to*, take that tranquilizer if you have to, but don't stop your life. Each experience will help you build your new self*. *It may take months or years but when you truly build youself so fully, no one will be able to shake what you know about yourself.
> 
> ...


That's great advice! That's what I've been doing lately.


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## ginni (Oct 25, 2012)

THANKS FOR SHARING UR EXP


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## Hayley94 (Feb 6, 2014)

I'm suffering from this and it's horrible  , I got it due to a reaction I had to zoloft and I've had it for a month and it's been a nightmare to deal with. It is weird, it's like you're reborn and aren't familiar with anything what so ever. The sky isn't the sky anymore, rain isn't rain, snow isn't snow lol.. I don't even feel comfortable in my own home. It's like I know I'm here but my mind can't seem to connect it's so weird and scary, even looking at my family sometimes it's like they're not really here or it's like I don't recognize them and that's upsetting. Anyways thank you for sharing your experience and glad you're feeling better.


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## ginni (Oct 25, 2012)

THANKS FOR SHARING UR EXP


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Amazing post Chelsea


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