# Ecstasy/Mdma



## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Hey everyone,

Just a question for those that have taken e's before. I took an e in 2006 and had a terrible experience. Ive been going through DP/DR severly since March 07 (after I had the bad experience I was fine). Now it feels like Ive taken an E again and Ive been constantly high for a year now, someone told me that e/mdma can cause permanent damage on the brain and something has triggered it for me again. I even moved countries which has made it so much worse, as my head still feels "stuck" in australia after a year, im not consciously in the UK. Im really afraid and have been pretty suicidal of late, nothing feels right and its been like this for a year getting worse and worse. I was just wondering if someone could give me some helpful advice. Apparantly its imbalance my psyche or something. I regret taking drugs and tried it a couple of times, Im just so frightened as i can "snap out of this" my life is just going down the drain, im so fuzzy and disconnected from everything and cant seem to wake up to the fact that im not in australia anymore, i dont know what to do. Sorry for the rant. Having a bad day.

Robyn xx


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

My problems were caused by a traumatic ecstasy experience so I think I understand what you are talking about. When my problems began I was very anxious so I read up about all the brain damage studies and I can confidentely say that unless you have taken a large amount regularly over a long period of time in high temperatures it is very unlikely that you have any sort of brain damage, check out the MAPS website if you dont believe me. 
Ecstasy can cause problems because it opens your mind up and if you are not in a good place physically and mentally it can be traumatic because it amplifies any problems you have and brings out any latent problems, as well as the actual experience being traumatic on its own all can combine to create you problems.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Hey Pabs thanks for your reply, so...what do we do? I took in very high temperatures, im a very sensitve person anyway, so I think its fucked me up big time, im absolutely terrified going outside as its obv not australia and nothing here seem familiar (even though i did initially grow up here). Ive had people tell me to go back to australia, but i know its not going to make this go away, so im a bit stuck and really scared as ive had a few psychotic experiences shall we say....my mind constantly wanders and im not here 100% in the present 

how are u coping pablo? x


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

I would start with basic thnigs like getting a regular routine and healthy diet etc. Psychotherapy is helping me at the moment so I would recommend it if you can find a therapist that you think you could eventually trust, because e brings out hidden emotions it is crucial to have somebody to talk to who is going to listen and be non judgemental. What actually went wrong when you took ecstasy? does it bring back bad feelings when you think about it?

I am sensitive too but ecstasy wont functionally damage your brain unless you really abuse it, but if you are sensitive allready ecstasy can overwhelm you because you can only take being so sensitive before it becomes too much and your brain will find a way to numb itself = dissociation and dp


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Hey, im on the list for psychotherapy...its just trying to hold on...i HATE it in this town that im in, so finding distraction in such a miserable place is so hard, cos i hate is so much here, im just scared to move incase it stuffs me up more.

When i took e i felt euphoric but i was terrified i could feel the adrenaline, and because i hated the experience i was very anxious thinking at the time i was going to die. I was fine for close to a year after it, but i dunno all of a sudden this happened again, it fucking awful, i just dont know how to relax in this place cos i still cant comprehend im here, i came to the uk in this tripy state but it wasnt as bad then so it didnt scare me. So now i dont know what to do as i dont like it here, so i cant relax and be comfortable as i always think i should be doing somehting else with my life, something more excitig, i have no job, no goals or ambitions it sucks i cant find what to do 

whats ur story? x


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

I had a bad experience in a dodgy club where I took too much e and was already in a bad state of mind and it tipped me over the edge and brought out a lot of anxiety and stuff I didn't want to face up in myself. Now I am working which helps but im still not back to 100%, it took me ages to actually face up to the fact that I have emotional problems as I was full of male pride and denial but once I started dealing with it things started to improve slowly.

It is strange that you were fine afterwards then fell into a bad state long after, did something trigger the state you are in ? do you actually feel like you are hallucinating or anything like that? sorry for all the questions im just trying to get my head around what you are describing


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

hey, i came back to the uk to visit family, then when i got back to sydney i felt slightly different like i couldnt settle? so i took that as a sign that i wanted to leave australia, use the uk as a base and do a bit of travelling to "find myself" i never got to the travelling part, i started having panic attacks and nothing felt real, its just got worse since then, like my head doesnt feel like im here consciously, my insides are tight and constricted and sometimes i wake up and still think im in australia  im not sure whats going on!! i got a bf here too whichi seems to have made things worse...but i have no friends and i guess its nice to have affection as selfish as that sounds.. im so confused!! but its not confusion that u can sort out if u know what i mean? did that help at all? lol im messed up sorry :?


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

hey, i came back to the uk to visit family, then when i got back to sydney i felt slightly different like i couldnt settle? so i took that as a sign that i wanted to leave australia, use the uk as a base and do a bit of travelling to "find myself" i never got to the travelling part, i started having panic attacks and nothing felt real, its just got worse since then, like my head doesnt feel like im here consciously, my insides are tight and constricted and sometimes i wake up and still think im in australia  im not sure whats going on!! i got a bf here too whichi seems to have made things worse...but i have no friends and i guess its nice to have affection as selfish as that sounds.. im so confused!! but its not confusion that u can sort out if u know what i mean? did that help at all? lol im messed up sorry :?


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

We are all somewhat messed up here so you are in the right place, hell the whole world is pretty messed up if you ask me and we all need affection from people. It sounds like you are having a very hard time and suffering from a lot of anxiety so my advice would be to try to treat yourself as kindly as possible, perhaps the ecstasy brought out some anxiety which took a while to come out fully, its hard to say really as im no expert.
Take care
pablo


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## Springbok (Mar 2, 2008)

It's strange you mention this. I had a bad trip on ecstasy and marijuana (I had a stupid idea that smoking a joint as I was coming down off E would help me). At the time I was on holiday in the US, due to fly back home a day later. When I got home I had another attack and the effects of the bad trip came back. For several weeks my brain was stuck in the US, just like you describe. I had repeated thoughts and emotions of everything I'd experienced over there. It was like it was my life, both in the past and now, and even in the future. At one point I thought I'd perhaps died in the US and everything since then was a dream-like afterlife.

Eventually, after about three weeks it cleared. But that trip to the US is burned into my mind and whenever I think about it my DP worsens. Staying away from those memories is tough (thinking about them now is bad enough), but they're obviously a trigger. Maybe it's the same in your case. Thinking about australia worsens the DP, and then the DP makes you think of australia, and so-on in a feedback loop. I know it's hard, or feels impossible to break it, but maybe it'll help.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Hey thanks for that  ive had it fo like a year now, but its cool to know someone else went through it, its so confusing as u dont know if its your mind telling u to go back to that place or whatever, i just don know how to get my mind unstuck from there and im scared its lost forever  how u doing anyway? thanks for the reply x


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## Guest (Mar 2, 2008)

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## Springbok (Mar 2, 2008)

I can understand how difficult it must be to have gone through it for a year. I'm sorry to hear about it. I think DP has a lot to do with the mind's inability to accept and deal with the current environment around you. What may have happened is it's gone back to the last time and place it felt safe and comfortable. Or it could simply be part of the trauma. I had a friend who was involved in a severe car accident many years ago. He said he could not get the incident out of his mind for about 6 months afterwards, it would invade his every waking moment. In your case there was no horrific accident, but maybe the mind has latched onto the environment and people you were with at that moment the DP started, and like my friend you can't stop thinking about it.

I think one of the things that eventually got me back into my life in england is my strong support system and routine. The more I did the things I've done everyday for the last 27 years, like seeing old friends, watching old tv programmes, the more it dawned on me "Oh yes, this is my life, not the one in america, these are the things I've always done and will always do". Maybe if you can try to do something similiar - re-enforce your mind that you're 'home' and in a familiar place, then it could help. I really hope you can work through this


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

you are so lovely, thanks for your well wishes. Ive thought about all that too. My body feels frozen, i cant relax and slip into the environment if that makes sense?

Something feels like it needs to burst out of me, maybe a new me maybe i need to grow, im just not sure how to do that as i feel my relationship is holding me back...like i NEED to be on my own...but as my feelings arent crystal clear due to some tension/numbness, you can never really no...so im just stuck like i physically feel stuck! And i analyse my relationship constantly, like if we broke up how would i feel blah blah blah lol it sucks

how u doing now by the way? where in the uk are you? somewhere nicer than here i hope xx


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## Springbok (Mar 2, 2008)

I know the problem of feeling unable to relax into the environment. I've had DP for about 5 weeks now. Today isn't such a bad day, but sometimes it hits hard. I have a lot of dizziness with mine, I have stopped driving and going out when it's bad because it feels like i'm floating and not in contact with my body. I live in London, which is a love/hate relationship. On a good day I've got everything at my doorstep, like shops and doctors, but on a bad day I hate it. It's so busy and dirty, it overwhelms my mind and aggravates my DP. Where do you live?


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## Ludovico (Feb 9, 2007)

It's very unlikely that taking mdma caused any brain damage. The 'studies' showing that MDMA is neurotoxic are controversial at best (and totally ridiculous and bogus at worst). It's much more likely that you suffered a defensive psychological reaction (like almost every DP case). The drugs themselves do not cause DP.


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