# My Story



## DeanManMan00 (Dec 5, 2011)

Hi All,

I only made an account today to post my experience with DP/DR and instill some hope in you all. After randomly remembering my experience with this condition, I was reminded of how little hope I found on the internet when I needed it the most. It can be a depressing and terrifying experience to go through this alone- trust me, I know. I've been there. But let me preface this brief story by saying that it ends with me being free of DP/DR. To this day, I rarely think about my past struggles with it, just as one rarely reflects on a bad flu or broken bone they once had.

I first experienced DP/DR from a marijuana-induced panic attack when I was around 15 years old. That lasted for about 2 years and slowly faded away. During that time, I did what I'm sure most of you did: researched my symptoms on the internet and try to rationalize what was going on. Eventually, I just accepted the sensations of my DP/DR, which for clarity sake, felt like I was in a dream, couldn't really connect with people, felt unfamiliar to both myself and others, and general a feeling of anxiety and strangeness. In college (about 2 years after my 'recovery'), I experienced an episode for about a month that again faded. As a senior in college, I experienced a deep and heavy DP/DR which knocked me on my feet for a while. However, this also faded away. I began to realize a trend amongst these three episodes: that accepting and forgetting about the condition always lead to it's abatement. Now, as a medical student and 2 years out of college, even with all the academic stress in my life, DP/DR is a faint memory and it no longer affects me. That it not to say that I don't feel the "out of it" sensations from time to time, but when I do, they simply don't affect me at all.

Let me explain my thoughts on how I was able to deal with DP/DR and why it I believe it went away for me. Some people may argue that there exists a mechanism of "recurring DP/DR" in which case the physiological catalysts of my syndrome simply came and went throughout the years. However, I find this unlikely, because even to this day I will occasionally feel DP/DR (for 1-2 hours max), but not nearly to the extent I have before and not in any way that concerns or even affects me. For example, if waking up late or giving a presentation to a large number of people, those feelings of being out of it come back. But they ALWAYS go away. I like to think of these DP/DR sensations as normal parts of life that are part of our stress reaction. In times of stress, we tend to dissociate ourselves as a way of escaping the present moment. Then, the obsessive thoughts about our current detached sensation spiral into an ongoing obsession of DP/DR. It's a vicious cycle. Stress affects everyone but its signs and symptoms may reveal itself in different ways. For us, we naturally tend to enter a state of DP/DR. This is normal, I believe. What is not normal is focusing on that detached feeling to the point where you are essentially tricking your mind into thinking it's non-stop.

I believe these sensations that come with DP/DR are more than likely over-amplified versions of everyday sensations that everyone gets. Everyone occasionally feels "out of it". Everyone will, from time to time, feel not quite themselves or think that things appear unfamiliar. These sensations happen to me still, maybe 1-2 per every 3 months, but if you learn to accept them and move on, reality comes back and so will you. I strongly believe that whatever emotional, neural mechanism brings DP/DR, that it is the psychological, thought-based mechanisms which prolongs it. These sensations are part of life and they affect me about as much as being slightly tired or having a mild dull headache- both are easy to forget about, both can be overcome, and both don't affect you unless you dwell on it. Again, because I have totally adapted to these sensations, even if they are there, I am simply not affected by them. And that's part of the process of recovery- realizing that your life exists REGARDLESS of your symptoms.

So here's my advice. If you are currently in a deep, episode of DP/DR where you feel "stuck" and helpless, know that I have been there, and thousands upon thousands have also been there. You are not alone. During each episode I experienced, I would always turn to the internet for help and advice. This typically ended up escalating my obsession over my current state. The only site that I did find helpful, actually, was this one and that is why I have come back to write this post. So, I advise you to avoid all other places on the internet, unless you are dealing with people that actually have this condition or with academics who know what they are talking about. For me, my DP/DR went away as I slowly stopped obsessing over it. I would become involved in school, or hang out with friends, or start dating. Even if I acknowledged my DP/DR, I would think to myself, "Hey, this is strange, I feel dreamlike, but life is a crazy dream, so maybe it should." That sounds silly, I know, but when you start realizing just how strange our entire universe is, it puts things into perspective (at least for me). Hint- go into science or astronomy and then you'll learn just how weird and strange our universe actually is. Again, I know some people that say they have ongoing DP/DR for 25 years plus. This again could be part of the obsessive thinking that prolongs the symptoms, but I cannot touch on this issue. I would suspect, however, for people dealing with this on a long-term, that their thought processes have become so solidified about their symptoms that the cycle becomes harder and harder to break as time goes on. That is not to say that it's impossible to break those obsessive thoughts. The interplay between thoughts and the emotional system (limbic) appear to play a role in DP/DR. Just as they help you do in CBT (haven't tried, but read up on), stop thinking about it and throw yourself into life. Forget your symptoms and they will (slowly) forget you.

Eventually, even when I was in a deep rut and tired on feeling detached, I would simply accept my feelings and continue doing the best I could. Day by day I would remind myself that even if I experienced this non-stop, I know I could still live a happy and fulfilling life. Humans are designed to adapt to adverse conditions. It is what we have been doing for millions of years. Maybe DP/DR is part of that adaptation response to stress, but its duration is certainly affected by your thought-response to DP/DR itself. For people with panic attacks, you know that dwelling on your symptoms only makes them worse.

Anyway, those are my 2 cents. I'm sure you guys will have some critiques and thoughts of your own, but I had to come back and share mine.


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## monzaboo (Dec 4, 2011)

thanks for the encouragement


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## perd (Oct 17, 2011)

DeanManMan00 said:


> Hi All,
> 
> I only made an account today to post my experience with DP/DR and instill some hope in you all. After randomly remembering my experience with this condition, I was reminded of how little hope I found on the internet when I needed it the most. It can be a depressing and terrifying experience to go through this alone- trust me, I know. I've been there. But let me preface this brief story by saying that it ends with me being free of DP/DR. To this day, I rarely think about my past struggles with it, just as one rarely reflects on a bad flu or broken bone they once had.
> 
> ...


When you experienced those couple of episodes after u got cured, did u smoke marijuana for it to be triggered? and those detachment feelings u feel sometimes where they present before dp?


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## DeanManMan00 (Dec 5, 2011)

perdurabo said:


> When you experienced those couple of episodes after u got cured, did u smoke marijuana for it to be triggered? and those detachment feelings u feel sometimes where they present before dp?


I abstained from marijuana pretty much a year after my first episode of DP/DR. The other 2 episodes of DP/DR I believe were triggered by times of stress in my life (relationship problem and then academic worries). This is why I support the notion that thoughts and attitude play a huge role in perpetuating the sensations of DP/DR. I'm sure there is a biological change that occurs in the brains of DP/DR, but that change is likely stimulated and supported by thoughts and our reactions. In psychology we know that thoughts are associations of neurons. Here's a good example: our bodies are naturally attuned to loud sounds- we will jump and our hearts will accelerate when we hear a loud noise. However, over time, if you continue to hear sporadic loud noises, say the sound of a car backfiring or a gun being shot, you will learn to not overreact to that stressor. You subconsciously no longer amplify your stress response and you no longer jump or increase heart rate. This applies to people who live nearby trains or noisy neighborhoods. They simply get used to it and it is no longer an issue. This isn't completely analogous to DP/DR but I believe it runs along the same lines of learning to adapt to a strange sensation.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Another reason to no smoke pot.

Let's put money on if people will listen


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## perd (Oct 17, 2011)

DeanManMan00 said:


> I abstained from marijuana pretty much a year after my first episode of DP/DR. The other 2 episodes of DP/DR I believe were triggered by times of stress in my life (relationship problem and then academic worries). This is why I support the notion that thoughts and attitude play a huge role in perpetuating the sensations of DP/DR. I'm sure there is a biological change that occurs in the brains of DP/DR, but that change is likely stimulated and supported by thoughts and our reactions. In psychology we know that thoughts are associations of neurons. Here's a good example: our bodies are naturally attuned to loud sounds- we will jump and our hearts will accelerate when we hear a loud noise. However, over time, if you continue to hear sporadic loud noises, say the sound of a car backfiring or a gun being shot, you will learn to not overreact to that stressor. You subconsciously no longer amplify your stress response and you no longer jump or increase heart rate. This applies to people who live nearby trains or noisy neighborhoods. They simply get used to it and it is no longer an issue. This isn't completely analogous to DP/DR but I believe it runs along the same lines of learning to adapt to a strange sensation.


im sorry but u didn't answer my question....when they got triggered again, at that period where you smoking or u were abstaining?


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## DeanManMan00 (Dec 5, 2011)

perdurabo said:


> im sorry but u didn't answer my question....when they got triggered again, at that period where you smoking or u were abstaining?


Perdurabo- No, I was not smoking marijuana for the last two DP/DR episodes. As said, I believe life stresses triggered those episodes. My first episode initially, however, was caused by a marijuana induced panic attack.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

It's very reassuring to hear that you recovered after relapsing so many times. I had DP for 14 months, recovered for 3 weeks, then relapsed again and have had DP for 7 months again now. I certainly hope that I can recover again too! You made very good points on what everyone on this forum should take into consideration. Thanks!


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## perd (Oct 17, 2011)

DeanManMan00 said:


> Perdurabo- No, I was not smoking marijuana for the last two DP/DR episodes. As said, I believe life stresses triggered those episodes. My first episode initially, however, was caused by a marijuana induced panic attack.


The reason why im asking in details is because im scared that even when i get over this there is a chance to relapse.....and that u will never be 1000% back...like a part of it will always be with u from what i understood...........im worried about that is because im almost recovering


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Perd- how, when and to what extent you recover will probably be individual for everyone. You might be like you were before but be more lkely to dissociate when you get stressed, now might be a good time to build up coping skills and the ability to notice stress when it's still manageable, wih time you can start to change how your body reacts to stress and cut off the automatic dissociative responce


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