# My quality of life is garbage



## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Ah fuck it. I always regret my rants. lol


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

which rant? all i can see is a sentence. well, i echo your sentiments on such a level that i don't even know how to reply to you. if you ever ant to skype chat then message me.

the things that i have gone through in the last 2 years have wounded my soul or spirit (im not sure if i really believe in that, but just trying to show how deep it is gone). my quality of life, day-to-day suffering and pain is hard to put into words, so today i won't try to. as one human to another, i love you, and i hope that things get better.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Thank you brother, I wish you all the best in your journey too.

In any case, I had posted a whole tirade about how badly I feel and how broken the health system is but I figured I complain on here too much so I wound up deleting it. I will just say though that my physical symptoms are really bad and limiting me a great deal. I've been so depressed with how little I can actually do these days. Everything is a chore, and exhausting. I wish I could just take a walk and feel normal, or just enjoy something simple, or have some semblance of a functioning mind. But it seems like almost any activity that doesn't involve eating or watching a movie is uncomfortable for me. I'm so tired of it, I just can't get used to living this way. Three years now, 24/7. Always spaced out, fatigued, brain-fogged and utterly out of it. Life feels like a bad dream I can't wake up from.


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## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

what are your physical symptoms? i can relate to the exhaustion, but its getting a bit better because my sleep has improved and i am taking multi-vitamims, improved diet etc. i find that once i start doing something physical, the next physical task gets easier.

have you tried getting a deep tissue massage or acupuncture just to un-wind and take some of that stress away? it could be worth it?

it really is difficult, i can absolutely relate. are you on any medication and/or dissociation-specific therapy atm?


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Well it's a little weird in my case. My physical symptoms are feeling off-balance, a sensation of jelly legs, and fatigue 24/7. When I say fatigue, I mean true fatigue and exercise intolerance. This is in addition to all the spaciness, mind-related problems, zoning out etc. I spoke to one psychologist about a year and a half ago who seemed to suggest that I had a conversion disorder along with a dissociative disorder, which, combined, would make a person's life very difficult. I don't know if there is any relation or overlap between the two in general. But it does sort of seem to fit as far as how I present in terms of symptoms. It really is why I complain so much. Because generally, I find that a person can more or less deal if either mind or body takes a hit, but when you have both impaired at once, that's really rough, and so life does feel intolerable to me a lot of the time.

As far as treatment goes, I haven't tried massage or acupuncture. I suppose I've been too reluctant to spend money on things I don't suspect will have any lasting benefit. After all, the situation I'm in has rendered me all but useless as far as working and providing for myself. So I'm only on a clonazepam and citalopram medication combo, which at least fends off the anxiety and lets me sleep and eat normally. But it only really keeps me going (and alive), it doesn't treat any DP-specific symptoms or the physical ones I described. I think I'm in a no-win situation really.


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