# Recovering, Help?



## StandAlone (Jan 22, 2013)

Hi guys,

I've had severe dp anxiety depression, just about everything you can imagine for over a year. Things were so bad at times i didn't think i'd ever get better. About a month ago, I started to get tutored to get my diploma finally. I had to drop out of senior year because of this horrible shit. After pushing myself to get tutored twice a week, i started to feel a little more clear minded. I hung out with a couple buddies and played basketball, something i wouldn't of done over the course of that year.. I started to feel better and was holding conversations with them better than ever. Actually made them laugh a lot and had a good time. Its been a week since then, and I've been doing things like this non stop. I still have to push myself to do these things, but it's no where as bad because i'm finally seeing results, and fast!

I'm a little worried about one thing though. I've went through this horrible experience once before and made a full recovery. The recovery wasn't the same as this one, I remember the last one when i got better it was instant. All my emotions and happiness came back at once. This isn't the case for this one, I do not feel happy and i feel tired and drained. It'll most likely be more gradual but i'm always ganna have doubts until i'm finally 100% better. Will I ever get these emotions and energy back? I know its only been a week since i made a big break through but I just wanted to see if people experienced this issue. What should be my next big step in order to get through this recovering process quicker?

Yesterday I went out with an oldddd childhood friend and we went to a place near our town. In that place I ran into a few people, and I felt the anxiety again. It wasn't as bad but about a week ago I thought it all went away, now i know that isnt the case at all. I felt all the bad sensations I thought i finally got rid of, it really had an impact on me afterwards. But, ive learned from this that i really have to take this gradually in order to not have a relapse. This made me sad and happy. Sad because I know it's gonna still be a struggle and it's gonna be hard work. But happy because the fact that i'm still anxious means that i'm not that far into recovery yet, so the emotions will most likely get better once I get farther into recovery, and maybe everything will come together in the end. Does this sound correct? I think i'm happy because i'm finally moving forward, and i'm already feeling strong and clear now, but since i'm not fully recovered i'll probably be even stronger and clearer by then!

Anybody's input on this subject would be great. Did anyone experience this problem when they were recovering? It's pretty uncomfortable, like I still feel pretty shitty, but i'm able to at least function now. What did you do in order to get over this and what helped you from over thinking this problem?

I'm on lamictal, zyprexa, and am getting off of latuda. All these are downers in my opinion, the main purpose is to keep me from getting manic. I keep thinking that this is the reason why i'm drained, and maybe i'm not really feeling any good emotions yet. If anyone could help me out here that'd be great: I'm not sure whether i should get put on an anti depressant because it'd probably balance these downers? But i'm also not sure if i should just suck it up and push through this problem, because maybe more meds in the mix can be more risky and complicated. What do you think?

Happy Holidays,

Andrew


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## Guest (Dec 15, 2014)

My second recovery process has been a lot different than the first, no doubt due to many factors- socialization, distraction. Perhaps it becomes more of a difficult process the longer you have it, I am not sure.

I know from reading many stories like this that people tend to get impatient occasionally when they are getting better and want it all at once. They get concerned that it is taking so long.

To them I say, you are getting better! Do not analyze it, do not pick it apart. Those are likely thoughts that contributed to the longevity of your symptoms before. Accept that getting better isn't the same every time, just like dieting or quitting smoking may be different when a person tries again. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to heal, don't set expectations based on prior experience, set goals.

For me, recovery wasn't about looking directly at it like the sun, rather I had to feel its warmth and observe it in my peripherals.


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## StandAlone (Jan 22, 2013)

Thank you for your reply, its pretty helpful. I understand what your saying, i just keep telling myself this is so much better than before don't analyze it. Luckily ive been staying pretty busy so it's sorta keeping me from doing that. It's really a tough place to be though, like things are starting to feel better, yet i still feel uncomfortable, which means im feeling uncomfortable around people where in the past it'd just be by myself. I'm trying to get over this last hurdle, and i can see why people would want this to happen instantly. It's an uncomfortable situation because your getting back out there, yet you still feel sorta shitty. I know this will get better as time goes, i'm feeling very optimistic(; Thanks again for the reply


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## MSP93 (Mar 27, 2014)

I don't really know why people expect others on the internet to tell them the answer to this. Yes, you feel down. Yes, you feel shitty. But you are the only one who has the answers.

The main barrier I think most people on this site have is that they have the attitude, "help me... please?" I know because I did it myself, but the uncomfortable truth is that in many respects you are all alone on this. Other people can help, but only to help you help yourself. You have to take the step of giving yourself a leg up out of the hole you are in. I know it is immensely hard when you are in such a shitty place, but looking for a miracle from others around you or worse, from the drugs you are taking, is a huge mistake.

I'm not really in favour of meds in general, because they seem to placate people as you described, rather than make them feel vibrant and alive, which is really what is needed to beat this. If I was you I'd try my best to ditch them as soon as you can, but I'm no expert and I'm obviously not in your situation so I can't be sure how much you actually need them.

The key I think is to lose the idea that it is a struggle to beat this. It ain't a struggle, it never was. It's about self-acceptance and being comfortable with yourself and things as they are. Bit of a strange comparison I know, but if you've seen the first Harry Potter movie there is a part where they all get trapped by a plant that appears to be trying to kill them. At first Ron and Harry are struggling, but Hermione tells them the only way to defeat it is to stop struggling. Harry just lets the plant take him under and he's fine, but Ron keeps going because he thinks he is going to die and eventually needs help to get out. Silly, but in my opinion it's a lot like that  Just give the problem no attention like it's not even there and it will lose its power.

Good luck.


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## AndyD (Nov 24, 2011)

Andrew if you have been doing a lot of things this last week like you have said then keep pushing yourself because it sounds like you are headed in the right direction. Don't try to expect all the good feelings to come back to you all at once. Just be patient. It will come slowly. Also you may want to consider discussing your medications with your doctor. Zeprexa, Lamictal, and Latuda are all very powerful antipyschotics and can cause depression, emotional blunting, numbing, fatigue, exhaustion, ect. Many of the things you are describing. Possibly to your doc about weaning slowly off Zyprexa and Latuda (one at a time) and sticking with Lamictal. Lamtical may be all you need to stabilize your moods and you may be able to add an antidepressant with it. Some folks here have success with this for DP. Antipyschotics have a lot of side effects and unless you have psychosis are generally overkill . But this is just my opinion and please do not do anything without talking to your doctor first. Hang in there.


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## StandAlone (Jan 22, 2013)

Hey, thank you for your guys input. I'll respond to both of these together, you guys both sorta have the same views and are pretty direct haha. My psychiatrist told me to ween off the latuda today which i was happy about because when i was on latuda by itself, and then with lamictal it didnt do shit. Its suppose to help bipolar depression, yet my depression was always terrible while on it. When times are really bad, and i mean really bad, sometimes you have no idea how to even get through it, and dont have the tools to overcome this horrible debilitating sickness. That is why people on here ask for help, and are in need of serious advice. Obviously your own self is the what gets you through it in the end, but sometimes you need to gain confidence and motivation from all different sources to overcome it.

As far as meds go, I have been against them for a while. But when things got too hard to the point i could hardy function, I had no choice put to try and find relief from meds. I was not looking for that "miracle pill", because that is horrible to do. You shouldnt put that much hope and faith in a medication, but you should put it in "yourself". The zyprexa has helped a lot with my sleep, yet i hate the side effects of anti psychotics, but i can cope with them because atleast its helping. I was just prescribed focalin to help with my add, i'm in school and trying to get a job so this should help in both areas. I wanted an antidepressant but he said he would never prescribe one in my case, and i believed him.

I'm doing much better now, each day is getting better and better. There was a time i couldn't even go into stores, and didn't leave my house most days. Now, I'm hanging out with multiple friends everyday, going to tutoring twice a week, looking for a job, and enjoying myself. When i wrote this post i was a little panicky because I was in an uncomfortable place where i felt like i was depressed, yet manic. Its called a mixed state, and the meds im on is helping with it, i can tell. I'm not gonna get off any meds if its helping haha, that's a terrible suggestion to anyone. Ive seen more posts about relapses because someone stopped there meds because they felt better. When the time comes where i feel very stable, ill make that decision down the line. I love the harry potter analogy, I love that part in the movie. Its such a great comparison honestly, and its the hardest thing in the world to completely let go and lose control. This was the hardest part of recovering, but i finally overcame that part. Ill keep you guys posted on how things are going in a while, and im going to post a recovery story if i get there.

Happy holidays!!


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