# My View on DP and Recovery



## macy (Nov 8, 2011)

Heyhey!..

My Name is Marcel.. im 25 years old and from germany(excuse my poor grammar).. please let me explain my view on this "disease" and how i overcame it.. you dont have to read my story.. i just wrote it to give you an idea what happened to me.. you can skip it and start reading at "My View".. thats the main point i would like to share..

I can remember some brief moments in my childhood of feeling a bit strange.. but nothing special.. i had a great childhood.. no abuse or anything like that at all.. i was just a normal child.. a bit shy and easy to scare.. but overall absolutely normal..

At the age of 14 (i think it was 14 not sure to be honest).. we started doing forbidden stuff.. drinking alcohol, smoking pot etc. we smoked almost every day.. but im not even sure if we had real "shit" or just some other form of tabacco.. one day my best friend shared a joint with me.. i got a very strange feeling for about 5 minutes.. it was very weird but it went away and i didnt thought about it anymore.. the next time we were smoking, i thought "just take it really hard and you wont feel strange again and be just high".. a big mistake!.. i was in oblivion for weeks/months!.. i couldnt look in the mirror, i couldnt look my mum in the eyes, i thought i was going crazy,..... i dont think i have to further describe my condition.. most people here know what im talking about..
however.. one day i just had to do something.. i was sick and tired of this condition.. even tho i still felt horrible at that time.. i decided to get back to my normal life.. meeting friends, going to school etc. it was very hard in the beginning.. but i rapidly realised that the cure was distraction.. i started to feel better again.. and one day.. without me even realising it.. i was recovered 100%!..

the years passed by and everything was back to normal.. i had some problems with anxiety for some time when i was in a very threating situation.. but got over it.. no depersonilsation..

the second episode of dp/dr was in a really tough time for me.. i was very lonely.. couldnt find a girlfriend.. no "real" friends.. just people i would binge drink with every weekend.. i hated my job and had alot of stress.. i would binge drink almost every weekend and cry myself to sleep when i was home after clubbing.. one night.. i can remember that i felt a bit strange while drinking.. only a brief moment that i didnt care about.. i continued drinking and party the whole night.. the next day started normal.. feeling bad and tired.. and then it hit me again.. im not sure if it was a panic attack or not.. but i was 100% dp´ed out of nowhere.. all i could think was "not again this shit, not again, not again"..all my other problems were gone!.. i almost completly forgot about the horrific feeling of dp/dr until then... i went to many doctors.. ive got so many different diagnoses that one day i gave it up.. i thought "nobody knows how i feel, and most importantly they dont know how to cure me".. i knew that the cure was distraction and a happy life.. but this time i thought.. thats it.. i will never get out of this condition.. this time it will stay forever..
and guess what? it didnt.. later i found alot of inofrmation about dp/dr on the internet and immedeatly knew that this must be it!.. i finally found the answer what i have!.. but sadly, it seems like there is no real cure for it.. 
i tried to socalise as much as possible.. but the one thing that took me out of it was a new weekend job in a discothek.. i became a cocktailmixer and the work was so distracting.. it helped alot!.. 
that was about 3 years ago.. i recovered again.. 100%!..

now the last few weeks i felt a bit dp´ed again.. and after a really bad illness it hit me again.. but this time i know what the problem was.. i used to work in a fitness center = alot of social contacts.. but i had problems with my chef (he was an asshole) so i left that.. my workout partner with who i used to excercise every second day got hurt badly.. so that was gone too.. my grandmother died.. and i got ill(stomach problems).. all that together was too much.. i realised it too late.. but it was just too much and i lost all my distraction.. im on the road to recovery again.. i can feel it.. but this time i read many books and got alot of inormation about this "disease".. and here is my view:

My View

First and foremost: DP / DR is no illness, disease or disorder!.. You cant compare it to bipolar, shizophrenia, cancer etc.
that is the reason why there is no treatment or cure.. and there wont be one anytime soon.. if you want to compare it to something.. compare it to Obesity because of a bad nutrition..

An individual suffering from Obesity and all its negative aspects (short breath, ugly appearnce, high blood pressure etc.) would do anything to become healthy and athletic.. they buy fitness tools, diet pills, diet food, go to help groups etc. etc. etc. 
Some people even have a surgery to make their stomach smaller.. they look for a magicial cure but cant find it!
Why? because they cant change their habits.. the habit too eat too much.. would you call a "fat" person ill? diseased? suffering from a disorder?.. no! many people suffering from obesity make excuses like "no time, Thyroid problems etc." but studies have shown that fat people 99% of the time simply eat too much.. A healthy diet and some fitness and they are cured..

Dp/Dr is a natural reaction of our body to something special.. this can be marijuana, fear, too much emotion etc. i can remember a very brief moment of dp after crashing with my bike and having a small brain Concussion.. so dp/dr in itself is something chemical happening in our brain.. and problem is.. as im 100% sure everybody feels like that in point of their life.. we give that feeling attention.. we realise how we feel.. instead of just going on auto pilot for some time.. and thats not even the real problem.. the real problem is -> we fear it!.. that fear kicks us in a circle of constant thinking about it and feeling it again.. our habit becomes our problem.. our so called "disorder"
the actual chemical imbalance that made you feel the detachment is long gone.. but you cant forget that "horrible" feeling!

"horrible" ?.. not to everybody!.. have you ever heard of people abusing Cough medicine? they do it to detach semself from their body.. they want this out of body experience.. and by the way.. do you know how it feels like to be high?.. maybe this dp/dr feeling was just the feeling of being high.. and instead of enjoying it we fear it.. its been made quite clear that dp/dr has no influence on brain itself.. its only a sensation.. and sensation are interpreted differently by everybody..

think about something.. what if in the first onset of dp/dr you can remember.. may it be drug induced, panic attack induced or whatever.. you would have just said "hey hahah im feeling a bit strange, but whatever.." do you think you would still be suffering?..

Dont get me wrong.. i dont want to play this condition down or something.. it is by far the worst feeling ive ever had in my life.. one day after recovering i said to my mum.. i would rather have every single bone in my body broken with a hammer then feeling like that again..

Another VERY IMPORTANT part about recovery: I would describe a normal life as a constant flow of thoughts about everything that is currently going on in your life -> friends, job, hobbies, problems etc. etc. etc. dependant on our enviroment and own feelings.. all that we want while suffering from dp/dr is to get back in that flow.. we swear to ourselfs that if one day we get back on that train of flowing "normal" thoughts we will be the most happy person in the world.. we will enjoy life 100% and be a better person.. if only this day would come where we wake up and feel normal again!..
but trust me.. i have experienced it 3 times now.. thats not how recovery works.. you have to slowly shift your thoughts from "im feeling strange" "why am i here?" "everything seems so foreign" away to these other thoughts!.. i doesnt matter what.. just shift them away.. get a hobby that you really like.. set goals you want to reach.. socialise as much as possible and talk about stuff you are really interested in.. its slow.. but it works and most importantly -> it is well worth it!.. the last few years were amazing.. life is full of enjoyment and you have to start living and stop wasting time!
You are not ill!.. You have been granted a life.. and i bet most of you could have great lives!.. but you are wasting time by obsessing over a sensation that other people enjoy! you fear a feeling, a sensation thats not meant to be feared..

people always seem to ask.. how long will it last?.. can it last my whole life?.. you cant answer that question.. why?.. because we cant change peoples thoughts and habits.. its like a overweight guy asking :" how long will i be fat? " "will i ever lose my fat?"... the answer is simple :" as soon as you change your way of thinking / you habits ".. (dont worry tho... most people arent that afraid of their overweight as people are afraid of dp/dr.. so their motivation is much lower -> reason for so many overweight people)

the only difference is that we have to change our habits of thought.. distract yourself as much as possible and i guarantee you will be cured.. and you wont have any long term damage made to your body.. the overweight guy will have damaged something.. so even if our task seems harder.. our body is still 100% healthy!..

3 more things..

1. if the reason for dp/dr is an underlying emotional problem.. like childhood abuse or something like that.. it has to be resolved first.. but im abolsutly 100% certain that most of the people on here have a similiar story like me and just fear the feeling!..

2. many people ask why there arent many recovery stories.. and after recovering i never logged on again on any dp/dr forum too.. the reason is.. you imagine recovery wrong!.. when you recover.. you dont realise it.. you live your life and suddenly dp/dr is no problem anymore.. you have other problems to solve and will be somehow happy to not hear about dp/dr anymore.. and to be honest.. when you feel normal again you forget how horrible you felt.. you think "what the fuck was my problem back then?!?!?!"

3. 100% Recovery is possible!.. Remember.. dp/dr is a fear of a sensation that other people dont fear.. a sensation that occurs in special situations in our body but everybody feels it sometimes.. the obsessing over it is our problem.. dont fear it -> forget it -> you are cured


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## Tandem (Oct 20, 2011)

Thanks for this post.

I think something that everyone needs to remember is that the only person who can cure this is YOU. You can have help from others, but you have to decide to focus on other things. If you keep obsessing over it, it will get worse. Most people with DP already know pretty much all there is to know about it, yet we still google it, we still youtube it, we still make posts like OMG I DISCOVERED A NEW SYMPTOM AHHHHHHHHHHHH..............

Chill <3 :3


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Soundslike dossciation might just have been your body's normal reaction to normal stress, might be why it went away so easily. UnfortunAtely distraction won't cure those of us who have complex trauma or heavy drug use


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## opie37060 (Jan 9, 2010)

kate_edwin said:


> Soundslike dossciation might just have been your body's normal reaction to normal stress, might be why it went away so easily. UnfortunAtely distraction won't cure those of us who have complex trauma or heavy drug use


I agree with kate. I have tried to distract myself from this for two years now. It is always there even if I don't fear it or think about it. Some people don't have episodes but this disorder 24/7. Yes i said disorder. Distraction might have worked for you but if that was the cure I would have been cured a long time ago.


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## Shapiro (Nov 7, 2011)

Thanks for this post. This really is all there is to it. Im nearly recovered. Trauma as a child, trauma as a teenager, drug use, agoriaphobia, panic disorder, anorexia, and depression. I tried all the vitamins, medications and everything the web has to offer. Nothing worked. 10 years transient dp/dr, 8 years chronic dp/dr. Dp/dr is part of the normal human expeirence. Everyone expierences a short episode at some point in there lives, it becomes a condition when one interalizes, monitors, obsses and fears the symptoms. They become convinced something is despretly wrong with them, they have a bizzare, unknown illness medical science is baffled by. Fear fuels dp. Obsession, rumination and self loathing fuel dp. There is a thought pattern that perpetuates the dp....dispite what many people here beleive. Many of us have co-morbid disorders that do require specific treatment. For some the thought patterns that perpetuate the dp will require treatment. Its self induced. Thats it. Just get on with it......your fine. Im not minamizing the sevarity of this condition. When I got well, I thought if I had someone who knew what I know now to explain all this to me I may not have had to go through this. But I didn't, which is why I'm on this site. Most of the people on this site that I have incountered don't think they can ever get well short of a medical break through. The people that came out on the other side must have had it easier than them, be different then them somehow. I thought the same thing. Truth is, Daphine Simone and all the rest can't help you. Reading the medical journals furthers the condition. They've never offered you a way out, only justified that there is infact something wrong with you. Try reading Shaun O'Conners book, words from the mouth of someone who recovered. Give Dr. David Burns a try, he's never wrote anything on dp, but it will teach you how to re-form your negitive thoughts. I know to most of you this will fall on deaf ears because I've been there. This condition is far to horrific to be so simple. But there is a precious few who will put the peices together.
I've been to hell and back. I'm sorry for those who are there now. As sinister as it looks now, there is a way out. But you'll need to walk your own path.
With love and support,
Jackie


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## macy (Nov 8, 2011)

opie37060 said:


> I agree with kate. I have tried to distract myself from this for two years now. It is always there even if I don't fear it or think about it. Some people don't have episodes but this disorder 24/7. Yes i said disorder. Distraction might have worked for you but if that was the cure I would have been cured a long time ago.





> Soundslike dossciation might just have been your body's normal reaction to normal stress, might be why it went away so easily. UnfortunAtely distraction won't cure those of us who have complex trauma or heavy drug use


hey guys.. thanks for the replies!..
1. as i said.. if there is an underlying problem.. like complex trauma, any kind of abuse etc. which hurts you without you actually noticing.. and therefore releasing the dp/dr mechanism, its a different story.. you have to handle that first..

2. i know my post sounds a bit like it was just a little bit of feeling weird or whatever.. it was not.. now that i understand the condition i see it differently.. but.. when i first got it and until i understood the mechanism inside my body.. i would have chosen ANY torture on earth before going through it again.. to be honest i dont think you can actually feel any worse then i have felt when i had it the first time.. like a living nightmare.. ANY physical or mental pain i have ever felt in my whole life was absolutely nothing compared to this.. i looked inside a mirror and saw a foreigner.. i looked in the face of my mum and saw a foreigner.. everything was foreign to me..

my dp did not went away easily!.. it was hard for me.. very hard.. especially when i first had it.. i had no knownledge about it at all.. i didnt know that i wasnt going insane!.. but i tried anyway and i succeded

3. even tho there is not much research about dp/dr.. the stories about onset, symptoms and most importantly recovery are almost always the same.. no offense opie.. but im pretty sure you have the same "disease" we have.. i dont think that you are so different that somehow you are stuck in dp/dr land forever because your body has some dysfunction.. i think you just havent found your way out of this condition yet.. as long as you can distract yourself for a brief moment.. as long as you feel any variety in intense of dp/dr.. you can recover 100%.. i know it sounds impossible if you feel totally dp´ed but it is possible..


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## Chris P Bacon (May 31, 2011)

Hey good post.

I remember experiencing dp/dr in episodes several times through my life, they always happened when I was really anxious, for example, if I was nervous about appearing on stage or something, once you get on stage though and the fear leaves you, the dp does too.

However, to develop this condition, the fear IS the dp/dr, and therefore you get caught in the cycle, simple answer is, break the cycle of fear, break free of the dp.


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## losingme (Jan 2, 2012)

Great post Marcel.
You have described how my experiences with DP have been. I have had it for 20 years. But unlike many here, I have not had it for the entire duration of those 20 years. I have broken out of it at least 5 times, and have had a normal life for many years in between the few bad DPed years. Also, like Many here, my first experience with it was after smoking pot at the age of 15.

Your description of how you have gotten out of your DPed state is exactly how it has been for me. I think people expect to wake up one morning in some sort of reality nirvana. This is not how it happens. It's very gradual, and you might not even notice that your getting better, until one day you realize that you haven't thought about DP or felt it's crazy symptoms in a long while. I think this is why most people think they can't get rid of it. They never loose their obsession with it because they want some sort quick cure. They want to flip a switch and be normal again. I'm afraid recovering from DP just doesn't work that way. Not for people like us, who obsess over the sensation. My husband occasionally gets DP after a stressful day, but it never lasts long for him, because he doesn't worry about the sensation. It never occurs to him that it might be a weird disorder that won't go away. I think this is how most people handle these feelings of DP/DR.

I know some will say that I'm different from them. That my DP/DR isn't as severe or maybe that I really don't have DP. Well, I beg to differ. In fact, I would tell you that, to me, my DP is probably worse than yours! If there is a purgatory, or hell on earth, my DP is where that place can be found! I have been so detached from myself that I feel like I'm dead. I have felt like my soul was floating out of my body. I have not been able to feel my body at all. I have felt as if I were catatonic from severe DP and there was one occurrence where I felt like my conscious (or soul) or whatever you want to call it, was hanging by a thread and that that thread was going to snap and I would disappear from my body forever. I have walked around with the feeling that I'm walking at least two feet behind my body. Like I'm just the puppeteer for it. This is just a fraction of the insane feelings DP has created for me. DR is a whole other ball game that I could go on about for hours. Actually, I could fill pages with all the sensations that have made me think my mind has cracked. If I believed that I had to live in a DPed state forever, I'd probably put a gun to my head. That's how horrible it is to me. Thank goodness that I never believed that or I would of missed all the wonderful years that I had in between my bouts of DP.

However, my point is, I have had DP and DR just about as badly as anyone here but I have recovered from it. And it was real recovery. I have had the same happy normal life (post DP) that we all envy when we are living in a DP/DRed state. It is obtainable.

I'm currently dealing with another round of DP/DR. It often returns to me during times of great stress and, because I'm sensitive to it, it can hang out for months. I have a chronic physical illness that has almost taken my life a few times. I've been in a coma, I've had seizures, (real neurological conditions). I have to endure constant medical treatments that keep me alive. I have a constant real threat in my life. So it's not surprising to me that stress and constantly facing my own mortality has brought DP back to me yet again. But I have no fear that I can find my way out of this DP maze again.

But I really hate all the negativity that I see here. You all will never get rid of DP thinking that way. You are only feeding the BS that it needs to stay alive.


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