# I don't know what is happening to me



## ninakraw (Mar 15, 2016)

I want to start off by saying that I have a lot of knowledge about psychology, anxiety, and depression because I have a degree psychology and I've been battling with anxiety and depression since I was about 14. I've had moments of derealization and depersonalization since way younger than that, but it never scared me because it passed quickly. I was always an anxious person but it wasn't until I got to high school that it got really bad. Anyway, I got my anxiety and depression under control (with no use of medicine) by the time I turned 21. I wasn't feeling dreamy or depersonalized at all anymore and I was really happy. I'm 22 now, I'll be 23 in August and unfortunately my anxiety, depression and all of that is back (out of NOWHERE) and this time it feels different and A LOT worse.

I was taking a shower about 4 weeks ago now when all of a sudden this question came into my head: "what is the point of doing anything in life if we all die anyway?" This question haunted me for weeks and it made me really, really depressed. From being so depressed, I got really anxious that I was going to feel this way forever. My anxiety has since then spiraled out of control and now I'm having crazy, very disturbing thoughts and questions about reality. I can't stop thinking things like "why is life the way it is?" (Ex: why do people look the way they do, why are there animals, why do trees look the way they do) literally questioning EVERYTHING and anything. These questions are freaking me out and making me feel like I'm losing touch with reality. I can't stop thinking that my brain is just gonna shut off and I'm gonna die from these thoughts. Whenever I look at something, it looks foreign and weird. I know this is reality but THIS SUCKS. I don't know why this happened to me and why it escalated so quickly. I feel like an alien or something. I'm so terrified about what reality is and why it is the way it is. I'm so tired of this and I feel like I am the only one who thinks this way.


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## Jenijar (Mar 23, 2016)

Hello Ninakraw, just wanted to let you know that I'm am struggling with a similar thing, I question life too and have constant thoughts over it and it's really distressing me and makes me feel like I won't ever be able to live a normal life again. I feel as though I've thought of it too much and now it doesn't make sense, like when you think of a word too much it feels like it doesn't make sense even though logically you still know what it means. The main thing I think that bothers me is that we are all just made up of particles, which makes me feel like life is meaningless, so how can I get on with everyday life as I used to. I know I'm not explaining myself very well but I find it hard to put it into words. I get thoughts over and over, basically constantly, that I'll never get back to normal. I don't know if this is DP/dr or if it's existential OCD. Sorry I've not given any useful advise but wanted you to know I feel a similar thing x


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