# Please help!!!



## SuperShae (Jun 28, 2013)

I've posted this before but I'm VERY Scared right now. Please help me.

I feel like I'm losing myself completely. I feel like I black out sometimes and someone else is me. I feel like a robot when I move. I forget EVERYTHING. I can't can't remember my past cuz its a blur half the time, but when I remember it's like I get flashbacks and blank out to see it. I'm so scared. Please help me!!!

Hey everyone I'm new to here so Id like to just get this out. 
I've had DP for about two and a half to three months now. I'm a 16 year old girl and honestly is terrible. I haven't been able to do anything. When I walk around it feels like my legs are moving on there own and that I am just a robot I feel "out of body" and "unreal/dreamlike" all the time. This for me, started from a bad weed experience. One time I tried it me and my friend felt this DP together. Thinking it was laced we ignored it, but the next time I tried it I felt DP again when no one else there did. I've always had a little anxiety (never enough to be worrisome to anyone) so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. Lately from this all I can think are negative, depressing thoughts, and no matter what I do they won't go away. I see a therapist but even she acts like she doesn't know what to do anymore... 
So that is basically how it started. This is ruining my life. I'm only 16 and I want to live my life, not feel afraid to even wake up in the morning. I've completely shut myself away from friends unless I have to get out. I haven't felt "back in reality" since a few months ago and I don't even remember what normal is anymore I honestly feel hopeless and like I'll never get free of this. I want to be normal again and be happy.

The main problem with me being able to just try to ignore it is I have the "auto pilot" symptoms. It feels like I'm a robot and that I have no control. I fear that I will one day just lose control ad end up as a mindless zombie. It sounds ridiculous but it terrifies me.

So that's my story. I just have a few questions;

1) does it ever completely go away?
2) How can I go to school with this? I have terrible memory from it (I forget EVERYTHING, even as I'm doing it)
3) how can I get better (ignore the thoughts) if I am in auto pilot all the time
4) can I lose my mind ever?? Will I go insane??
5) has anyone ever felt this auto pilot and got out of it??
6) how do I not think about it constantly
7) how can I not remember when I got it and repeat it over and over
8) how can I stop feeling depressed about this???
9) how do I stop this fishbowl feeling?
10) how do I get my memory back?
11) is this DP/DR or setting worse????
Lastly
12) Any incouraging advice?????

I want to get better, I just feel hopeless and scared so if anyone has any advice please share thank you!


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## GabbyMendek (Jun 30, 2013)

I'm 21 and dealing with the same thing right now. I feel like I have completely lost my sense of self and I'm actually confused about who I once was. All that has helped me (sort of) was doing normal things and getting out of the house even though it's painful and scary. If I just sit on the couch and cry my intrusive thoughts get worse. You should seek professional help, that's what Im doing today. If you need to talk more my email is [email protected] We're both young girls so it'd be helpful to share our stories


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

Chill, yes it does go away, but don't go around this forum unless you are reading recovery stories or helpful material/blogs. Don't let the fear of others bring you down. And start psychotherapy, it will get you out of this mess with the missing parts of you.


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## NEEDMOREBLAZE (Apr 8, 2013)

For starters, don't touch weed or any other hallucinogenic. Secondly, calm down, breath, and just be in the moment without worry and fear of your condition. I had the same experience from marijuana when i was your age, I recovered and so will you. You DO NOT have brain damage and you ARE NOT going crazy.


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

Fearless, to your opinion/knowledge/experience does dp slowly fades away or vanishes over minutes or by "part" (like stairs)?


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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

Fearless said:


> From my perspective now, the question is irrelevant. I don't mean stupid or anything like that, it's just a question from the wrong perspective. Because your question assumes that DP is some illness or some outer force that is not directly related to your thinking. Any answer I would give to this would be false.
> 
> First of all, there is some confusion about what we call DP. Depersonalization is a term we / doctors use for a certain way people describe how they feel. I do know it sounds boring but please listen because it's more important than it sounds. So, you have to understand that DP is not some tangible, solid "illness", but a mental condition, and the very existence of the diagnosis of depersonalization is based on how these people describe *their own* state. What more important is, are the *personality traits *these people have in common. That's where the key is imo. What I'm trying hard to tell here, is that* the moment you decided to believe *that you have something strange, huge, intense, terrible mental "stuff" and started to look for a diagnosis, was a more important moment than you may think, and understanding or reviewing that moment is a key to start recovery. Because, in recovery, you have to grab that (illusionary) solid, and "whole" stuff you describe as depersonalization, and break it apart. Because you are actually hindering your own recovery by believing that you *have depersonalization. *
> 
> ...


This is the best thing you've ever written (at least that I have read). Congratulations


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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

you are completely right DP is all about repressing emotions, though it's so frustrating and difficult to actually get out of it....


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

I see what you mean, and i agree. I actually READ about symptoms of dp before i got them all.
i did think that my emotions were gone for good. Now, here is a great example that shows that most of this condition is created by your own soul: when i felt dp'ed and listened to music i could not enjoy it. Part of it is because people were around and this kind of music is about banging your head and expressing emotions, which i did not do. When i was left alone and put on the music for high volume, i wasn't afraid of physically expressing what the song brought to the surface of me, and i banged my head and enjoyed the song.


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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

Fearless, how do you actually express emotions? I can't seem to do it, I seem to automatically block myself whenever I try


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2013)

.


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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

Fearless said:


> 4.) after you express an emotion, you find the repressed emotion, an unresolved emotion, a problematic life situation, a painful thing to face, and you decide that it's better to get rid of your "mental illness" first, then focus on life problems. Because DP is comfortable. Fucked up, but at least, it's FAMILIAR. Safe. It's something like the ultimate retreat from life. This is why I don't respect DPd people.
> 
> For us, the DP-prone personality type, our intelligence and creativity are our worst enemies. Way worse than any life situation or human enemy ever could be.
> 
> Every time you choose safety, you reinforce fear. I look at my DP as a reward to my cowardice.


exactly


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2013)

.


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## peanut butter (Nov 9, 2012)

philandrjack said:


> This is the best thing you've ever written (at least that I have read). Congratulations


Agree, it's very clear.


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## comett (May 5, 2011)

Super Shae

I have been where you are at.

It started when I was 14 years old. Now I am in my 50's and it DOES get better!

You wrote:

"I've posted this before but I'm VERY Scared right now. Please help me.

I feel like I'm losing myself completely. I feel like I black out sometimes and someone else is me. I feel like a robot when I move. I forget EVERYTHING. I can't can't remember my past cu.z its a blur half the time, but when I remember it's like I get flashbacks and blank out to see it. I'm so scared. Please help me!!!" Yes DP feel absolutley AWFUL, but always hang on. It ebbs and flow in intensity. Try to calm yourself down and use some yoga breathing first. Make a list of people you can ask to help you when you are calmer. Then CALL them/TELL them what is going on and explain you need help.

Hey everyone I'm new to here so Id like to just get this out.
I've had DP for about two and a half to three months now. I'm a 16 year old girl and honestly is terrible. I haven't been able to do anything. When I walk around it feels like my legs are moving on there own and that I am just a robot I feel "out of body" and "unreal/dreamlike" all the time. This for me, started from a bad weed experience. Me too. One time I tried it me and my friend felt this DP together. Thinking it was laced we ignored it, but the next time I tried it I felt DP again when no one else there did. I've always had a little anxiety (never enough to be worrisome to anyone) so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. Lately from this all I can think are negative, depressing thoughts, and no matter what I do they won't go away. I see a therapist but even she acts like she doesn't know what to do anymore...Has she seen this site? Make sure she does.

So that is basically how it started. This is ruining my life. I'm only 16 and I want to live my life, not feel afraid to even wake up in the morning. I've completely shut myself away from friends unless I have to get out. I haven't felt "back in reality" since a few months ago and I don't even remember what normal is anymore I honestly feel hopeless and like I'll never get free of this. I want to be normal again and be happy. I understand this totally. One day you will be!

The main problem with me being able to just try to ignore it is I have the "auto pilot" symptoms. It feels like I'm a robot and that I have no control. I fear that I will one day just lose control ad end up as a mindless zombie. It sounds ridiculous but it terrifies me.

So that's my story. I just have a few questions;

1) does it ever completely go away? YES
2) How can I go to school with this? I have terrible memory from it (I forget EVERYTHING, even as I'm doing it) One day at a time.
3) how can I get better (ignore the thoughts) if I am in auto pilot all the time Do you think you need an anti depressant? I was helped by Paxil.
4) can I lose my mind ever?? Will I go insane?? Nope. At least not from DP.
5) has anyone ever felt this auto pilot and got out of it?? Yes I am sure.
6) how do I not think about it constantly Yoga breathing and gentle yoga stretching can help but not too much time alone!
7) how can I not remember when I got it and repeat it over and over
 how can I stop feeling depressed about this??? Maybe you need an anti depressant I do not know.
9) how do I stop this fishbowl feeling? One day at a time
10) how do I get my memory back? One day at a time
11) is this DP/DR or setting worse???? I doubt it but it always feelts that way.
Lastly
12) Any incouraging advice????? Stay close to people and explain exactly how you feel to a few trusted people and show them this site! Tell them you need help! Good luck!

I want to get better, I just feel hopeless and scared so if anyone has any advice please share thank you!


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## Arabella_Stuart (Jul 18, 2013)

Help...  im in the middle of dp or dr and its getting worse. :'(


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## EyesWithoutaFace (Jul 18, 2013)

SuperShae said:


> I've posted this before but I'm VERY Scared right now. Please help me.
> 
> I feel like I'm losing myself completely. I feel like I black out sometimes and someone else is me. I feel like a robot when I move. I forget EVERYTHING. I can't can't remember my past cuz its a blur half the time, but when I remember it's like I get flashbacks and blank out to see it. I'm so scared. Please help me!!!
> 
> ...


Hi, my DP also started due to weed and I totally understand what you are going through .

All I want to say really is that I had DP for 10 years and now its gone, so don't despair.

The reason I suffered so long was because I had absolutely no idea that this disorder existed, I thought that I had irreversible brain damage or schizophrenia and trying to cautiously explain my symptoms to people was impossible.(Whilst trying to act normal at the same time)

The mere fact so many people have DP was the first step of recovery for me, as it shows just how human we all really are. (it`s just another illness)

I want you to know that it does go away and when it does you`ll be able to appreciate everyday 10 x more than you ever did before.

I don't have all the answers and it won`t go over night but my advice would be to not get too deep into the negative thought process and all the why`s and how`s of life. You have to understand that you have been incarnated and you are here now, It doesn`t matter how you got here, why you`re here or where you go when you die, just be here and enjoy it. You`re brain is out of sync with your body at the moment and that`s all.

I will admit that it is impossible to just switch DP off because of it`s relationship to OCD but in my case I felt the need for anti-depressants. This may not be for everyone and I am not saying that you will need them but personally I realized that suffering with depression and panic attacks as-well was just too much.

So I take a drug called citalopram which is a true godsend, all it does is take away my anxiety but feels like a giant weight has been lifted.

Take care and remember, Stop worrying and start living.

MB


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