# Recovered, ready to help fellow DPers



## sharp (Nov 20, 2014)

Hi Everyone,

I will try to keep it short.

In April 2014 I had a terrible panic attack due to drug abuse. The next few days I felt really strange and bad but didn't know what it was. I went to the doctor and he put me at ease, and immediately my strange feeling went away.

3 months later, after a wild weekend with a lot of alcohol, I started to feel restless and not feeling great after training.

A few days later I had another panic attack and thats when my DR started.

I went to see a doctor and eventually he put me on Paroxetine. This stuff made me feel like a heroine junky.

I quit within 10 days because I couldn't take it anymore. After that I took Oxazepam for 2 months and went to see a psychologist once a week. But, the panic attacks and DR increased and I felt more terrible everyday.

At one point you become suicidal because you see no improvement.

I needed a helping hand and I was put on Lexapro on advice of my friend. It took a month before it started but slowly I started feeling better. But then, when I was on 20 mg a day. My ears started ringing (tinnitus), I developed Hyperacusis (sensitive to sound) and I had earache all day long. I was slowly climbing out of my hole of misery but this put me right back in. I had to lower my dosage, and hope that it went away, but the tinnitus stayed and my anxiety increased.

Another hell for a few months.

Still I maintained to see my psychologist once a week (CBT) and went to 20 mg.

After I while I started to feel better and noticed that I could deal with the tinnitus better. I decreased my dosage to 15 mg and then to 10 mg. The earache dissapeared and so did my Hyperacusis. I slowly went back to work and I improved every week. I still had some complaints tho. I could be extremely exhausted after a 10 hour sleep, and go right back for another 3 or 4 hours. Also that went away with time.

Its now a year ago that I started having DR, and you wouldn't wish this on your worst enemy.

I know how bad you are suffering.

I can only tell you. It takes time!!!! a lot of time. You have to stay in there and be strong.

Some people can do it on their own, some need CBT (very helpfull) and medication.

CBT is just as important as medication tho. Lexapro made me feel great and didn't give any side effects like feeling sick.

As you start to get more confident you notice that your anxiety decreases. And as your anxiety decreases so does your DR.

I'm now on 5 mg and I hope soon to be free of medication. My last CBT training was months ago.

I still have some mild complaints but they tend to decrease as well.

I hope my story will give other people strength, and If anyone wants to get some advice just ask.


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## eter (Aug 21, 2015)

Thanks for sharing your story. I like to read about how people have endured and gotten results. Of course. There seem to be quite many people got their problems with depersonalisation or/and derealisation after druguse of some kind. I did not know that was possible a few days ago. Best of luck, and thanks again.


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## servadei (Aug 20, 2015)

I guess I'm the only one who got severe DP/DR from medicine, also Lexapro..be careful not to quit cold turkey...


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## gonengg1 (Aug 14, 2015)

I'm hosting an Skype conference next week with fellow DPDR's , would you be interested in joining towards the end to answer some questions? Sort of like an "Ask me anything" discussion towards the end.

(Oh and to those viewing this comment - you can still participate/observe - just message me your Skype name)


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## Sportsdude8 (Apr 25, 2015)

Let me know when gonengg
Skype frank.mariscal2


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## EvanMiddlekauff (May 12, 2015)

I've had this for 5-6 months now and i know i'm recovering, but i have a couple questions...

1.) Did you feel way worse before you were recovered?

2.) I have Depersonalization more so than Derealization as i've recovered from DR already (for the most part 95-100%) and did you just begin to recognize yourself more? Your voice didn't sound so foreign? Etc.

3.) Was there ever a period where you thought you were recovered then you just felt terrible again? Almost like a false promise type of deal.


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## razec (Aug 26, 2015)

EvanMiddlekauff said:


> I've had this for 5-6 months now and i know i'm recovering, but i have a couple questions...
> 
> 1.) Did you feel way worse before you were recovered?
> 
> ...


 Anxiety and Setbacks

What are they and why do we have them?

One vital part of understanding recovery is recognising that we will have setbacks; they are part of the process involved in becoming the person you once were. Recovery does not always work in straight lines and can be an up and down affair. Once we realise that fact it can help us tremendously as too many people let these times throw them back into total despair.

What is a setback?

A setback is not to be confused with feeling a little up and down throughout recovery; this is normal. I went from having no good days, to having good and bad days. I was very happy with this as it proved to me that I was moving forward. I would describe a real setback as a period during which you feel you are back to square one and that everything you have gained has gone. You feel as empty and lost as you have ever done, scrambling around again for answers and questioning everything once more.

Setbacks are all part of the process

When you finally find the answers to anxiety and have a better understanding of it, you may feel an instant relief. You begin to understand that you are not going crazy and that so many others go through the same thing. There is no need to have a constant daily battle with yourself, fighting to be the person you once were, putting on an act, studying and worrying deeply about how you feel. The old you is there, it is just buried underneath the symptoms. You finally understand this and things get easier. You may feel a freedom that you have not felt for some time and everything seems rosy. You are finally moving forward.

After years of doing everything I should not have done, this was me. I started to make small steps to becoming the old me, having some days of clear thinking and freedom, almost like I could touch the person I once was. Then, wham, I felt like I was back to square one and I would question this: "Why did I feel so good last week and now back to this? What have I done wrong? This is me forever, I will never be free".

These were just some of the statements that had me worrying again and trying to think, fight and scramble my way back to how I felt the week before. I was back to 'googling' symptoms, filling myself with self pity. I had basically returned to the full anxiety cycle - but why? Because for some stupid reason I thought I could crack it in a few weeks and that all these years of suffering through a lack of understanding would simply disappear. It was like treating someone who was depressed and expecting them to never feel down again. I was asking and expecting the impossible.

So what did I learn?

I learnt that the more I let a setback bother me, the longer it lasted, so I just had to learn to live alongside it and pay it little respect, when I felt down and back to square one I just saw it as a passing storm that will soon leave and it did, every time, nothing last forever. Memory and habit of past suffering were at work. How could I suffer for so long and not expect to feel anxious and lost again? But and this is vital, if I did not get involved with the storm it did not seem to matter as much and passed far quicker, this is very important, when the clouds come then don't try and push the clouds away, just learn to dance in the rain.

I began to see setbacks as part of the process. No matter how horrible I felt, I refused to let them throw me back into total despair and just waited until they passed and they always did. When you start to go through a few setbacks you learn to hardly ever give them a second thought. They are still unpleasant, but nothing to worry or despair about. The person on the street has bad and good days but they see it as part of life, I learnt to see it all as part of my recovery.

I remember how many times I have tried to get this point across to people, only for them to let a setback throw them into total despair. A lady once said to me 'Paul I feel very anxious today, but it's fine, it will pass'. That was exactly the point I wanted her to get to. She also pointed out that she always seem to come out of them far stronger and would feel freer than ever. This was also the case with me to, it was another chance for me to shrug my shoulders and not let anxiety win, I was in charge now and it was getting zero respect from me.

Don't become a victim

So don't become a victim of setbacks, don't fall back into the anxiety cycle of worry and bewilderment, filling yourself with self pity. Understand they are all part of the process, all the progress and knowledge is never lost, it is just buried under symptoms, waiting to resurface.

And more than anything, remember that:

*A setback really has only as much power as you give it.*


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## EvanMiddlekauff (May 12, 2015)

Thank you so much @Razec for taking the time to write all that out in response to my questions. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I've been progressively feeling worse and worse and it's definitely been because my mindset. Since the beginning I was so determined to not let this get the best of me and that attitude got me to where I am today. I recovered, mostly, from DR when I thought that was impossible, and that gave me so much hope, but since DP came at me full force once I was over DR it brought me down for awhile. Thank you again for the advice, it really gave me a boost and it should help me a bit.


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## razec (Aug 26, 2015)

EvanMiddlekauff said:


> Thank you so much @Razec for taking the time to write all that out in response to my questions. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I've been progressively feeling worse and worse and it's definitely been because my mindset. Since the beginning I was so determined to not let this get the best of me and that attitude got me to where I am today. I recovered, mostly, from DR when I thought that was impossible, and that gave me so much hope, but since DP came at me full force once I was over DR it brought me down for awhile. Thank you again for the advice, it really gave me a boost and it should help me a bit.


To be honest i didnt write all this,i just read your post and remembered this text that helped me too,so i posted to help you,but i didnt wrote it...

I´ll give the link to everything related so you can read more

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/anxiety_setbacks.html


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