# Newbie.



## Hayz (Oct 4, 2006)

Hi all.

First of all my name is Hayley but my online nickname is Hayz. I'm 21 years old and I live near London, UK.

I found this forum through searching on Google. I'll be honest, at first I was hesitant in joining and I didn't know whether talking about Depersonalization with other's who are suffering from it would help me or not. I know that sounds strange but I guess I'm worried that if I keep reminding myself of it then it never will go away. However, I had a think and said to myself, 'You've dealt with this for a long time now. You have had very supportive family members and friends but no one really knows how it feels.' I'm hoping my decision to join up here and talk to others about something that I felt only I was going through helps me, and I do think it will.

It all started when I was around 16 years old and I was at my usual Friday bowling club. It was my turn to bowl but as I went up I suddenly felt like I was about to pass out. It felt like everything was spinning and I held on to the wall until my friend noticed me and sat me down. I was petrified. I had never ever felt close to fainting before. I sat down and watched the game and felt fine 10 mins later. I went to bed that night putting it down to just a one off.

Next morning I went to get out of bed and I fell to the floor. I felt like I couldn't stand up. I felt all wobbly. I cried for my mum to come and she did and we went to the doctors. They told me it was probably a virus and to get some rest. This is what I did.

After a few days I decided to go back to school. I knew something was still wrong after I left the house. I tried to shake it off and carry on. During one Science lesson I had to rush out of the class because the same feeling came over me as what happened at the bowling alley. My GCSE exams were coming up and I didn't want to leave school until I completed them. I managed to get through some exams in a big hall with everyone else but sometimes I had to put my hand up and got put in a small room with one teacher to finish my exam. Somedays I couldn't even face going in to an exam and so I failed.

So I left school straight after my exams has finished. The feelings got so bad that I actually ended up getting serious Agoraphobia. I stayed within my house for two whole years only leaving to go to the doctors. Every time I tried to leave the house I would have huge panic attacks. I decided that I didn't believe the doctors when they told me it was 'anxiety' and I forked out ?300 to have every physical test. The results came back and it told me that nothing physically was wrong with me. That's the moment that I accept it was a mental illness.

I started to see a psychologist and very slowly I started to get out the house. I would always have someone with me. I was put on prozac for my anxiety. The feelings were still there but I knew I had to fight them.

Cut to now, a few years later. I'm a hell of a lot better than I was back then. I've learnt how to control any panic attacks that arose. I go out a lot 
but always make sure someone I trust is with me. Though over the last few weeks I've even made the odd trip out on my own. I did voluntary work at my local shop for 2 months. It's a very quite shop. I am now looking for a part time job and have an interview on Friday.

I'm alot better than I used to be but I'm still getting Depersonalization symptoms 100% of the time. I'm very used to the world not feeling real. I am a very happy person and I have an amazing family and boyfriend. To most people I seem like nothing is wrong with me. I try to not let my illness get to me and have learned to accept that it's a part of me. I do sometimes break down and cry. I realise this post is very long but I actually feel better just by writing it all down. It's amazing and strange for me to hear some of your stories. You all sound like me! It's really comforting to know that we are not alone.

I hope to be here often!

Hayz


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

I never had the agorophobia aspect of anxiety but i did have social anxiety. It was so horrible that i couldnt even go to a mall without having a panic attack.

For me my dp/dr seemed to be totally anxiety based. When i got my anxiety and panic attacks totally under control my dp/dr went away completly. So did my brain fog.

Maybe you just need to get your anxiety under control better. Is prozac the only med youve tried?

Anyway good luck to you and i hope your eventually 100% dp/dr free.


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## Hayz (Oct 4, 2006)

Hey. 

I've been on other anti depreseants before but the names of them escape me. Prozac is the one that agrees with me.

Funny thing is I've never had depression. Not even when I was really bad with my anxiety. :?


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## comfortably numb (Mar 6, 2006)

The medication that cured my dp/dr is clonazepam which is a benzodiazepine. It's also helped alot of other people on this site as well.

Its been a lifesaver for me. Before i went on it i was a total mess. I had dp/dr so bad that couldnt get out of bed. I also had multiple panic attacks every day and was a anxious wreck.

Derealization was what really got to me it's totally creepy. I had horrible brain fog along with this so it was like living in a dream.

Finally i gave in and went to see a doctor about it and clonazepam was what i was given. Within 2 weeks my dp/dr was totally gone. My anxiety and brain fog disapeared almost immediatly.

Im on a anti-depressant as well called amitriptyline but thats for my other issues not for dp/dr.


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## Hayz (Oct 4, 2006)

That's really really good that you have become DP/DR free! I'm always telling myself that I will always be like this but reading yours and others stories on here have given me hope.


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