# Its over. Im finished. I cant do it anymore.



## stevesteve (Aug 16, 2006)

I cant do it anymore. My name is steve and I am 22. One day I was mowing my lawn 7 years ago and I had a panic attack. I believe DP set in. Now All this time later I still have it. I have had CT scans, people look at every organ in my body and experts look at me. Nothing. 
Oh my god im crying. i dont think ive cried in 10 years.

Yes I had events in my life. I was bullied alot. and got doped the fuck up since age 9 I was on cylert. My 4th grade teacher DX'ed me with ADD. Ya thats right, my fuckin teacher. I hope that bitch fuckin died a horrible death;

Slowly but surely they piled more on

Resperidol
Luvox
Prozac
Zoloft
Ritalin
Depakote

Were all added to the wonderful mix. It continued like this till I was 17. I threw the shit away cause I wieghed 350 pounds and had no motivation to do anything but play red alert. I felt like 'whatever' for a few years. Hazy but ok. I lost the wieght and dealt with my terrible social deficiet.

Buts its gotten worse. And im falling apart.

I cannot deal with this anymore. I really cant. The best years of my life are lost. GONE. THERE FUCKIN GONE JESUS CHRIST. FUCKIN TAKIN AWAY AND I DONT WHY. I am a zombie, detached, I feel like a ghost and my boss is always sending me to get drugs tests cuz of my emptiness. Jesus christ.

I finally thought my life would be moving on. I met the girl of my dreams and we went out for several weeks, now she says Im cold and detached after we hung out a couple times. I cant blame her, i wouldnt date me either.

IM SICK OF THIS. IM SICK PEOPLE ASKIGN ME WHATS WRONG. IM SICK MY MIND BEING HELD HOSTAGE. IM SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING. IM JUST TIRED OF IT.

NOBODY CARES. DR. OFFICE CLERKS HANG UP WHEN I CALL THEM. MY PARENTS DONT UNDERSTAND. MY FRIENDS DONT GET IT. IM GOING FUKKIN INSANE AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. MY HANDS SUPPORT MYSELF. I MAKE 9.50 AN HOUR I COULDNT AFFORD MEDS IF I WENT ON THEM. MY INSURANCE REFUSES TO BELIEVE ANYTHING IS WRONG ME.

THERE IS POLYPS GROWING IN MY SINUS (I CAN SEE THEM). IM LOSING MY HAIR. MY HEARTBEAT IS FUCKING ERRADIC AND THERE IS A MOUNTAIN OF ANXIETY OVER EVERY FUCKIN THING.

ITS NOT FAIR. I AM SO SMART AND SUCH A GOOD PERSON. ALL I WANTED OUT OF LIFE WAS A SMALL HOUSE, A WIFE AND A DOG. AND I GOT THIS.

IM THINK IM GOING TO FINISH IT.

I'LL SHOW DP A TRICK AND IT WILL FUCKIN HATE IT. IT WONT BE EXPECTING THIS.

*ALL I WANT IS AN OUNCE OF PEACE FOR MYSELF. JUST AN OUNCE. JUST ONE FUCKIN OUNCE OF FUCKIN PEACE.

MAYBE IM FINALLY GOING TO GET IT.*

good bye.


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## Pancthulhu (May 27, 2006)

Please don't give up. The best years of your life aren't gone; you're only 22. I know you don't believe me but things WILL get better and then you won't know why you ever felt like this.


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## Guest (Aug 16, 2006)

Dude,

You are stressing yourself out man. You are partly doing this to yourself. You need to think thru the steps to take that will get you out of this situation. And they do exist. I was just like you about 2 years ago. I was in hospitals like 9 times all messed up and shit. I even went to jail. Ive been thru it all. The suicidiality, the hopelessness, the pills, mountains of them.......ive even gotten violent and suicidal at the same time. I can remember people throwing me down and tackling me in a mental hospital because i tried to hang myself. They threw me down and shoved my face into the floor because i cussed them out. Then they threw me in some padded room over night and injected me with something.

I have been through some truly horrible shit man......probably worse than what you can even imagine. I remember what its like to just want to blow my brains out every single day. TO not even want to wake up anymore. To be completely isolated. Lost everything......i know that feeling.

but man it does pass.......i know u never think it will but it will pass. You just have to be strong and keep going. And GET YOURSELF A GOOD THERAPIST, and follow his advice to get you better.

As for the pills, be careful which ones u take as they can sometimes mess u up and yea make u gain weight. it fucking sucks i know, ive been through it.

keep searching for that answer and pushing forward. you have to keep pushing forward. dont give in to ur hopelessness man. dont let ur depression take hold of you. force urself to get out of bed, force urself to get out of the house. force urself to just make it thru the day. and then take it from there.

peace,

Eric


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

ow man,if only u knew...ive been there and done that...i thought it would be over so many times many times ive thought about death as a solution ...taking my own life away to make others' easier...so that i wouldnt be such a burden to them. ha! all those fucked up ideas are gone from me now and as fucked up as i may be...as empty as i may feel inside or look on the outside as miserable as my life can be...there are people out there who are ready not to give up on you not matter what...maybe you havent met them yet, theres still a lot of stuff for you to go thru...peace, well yes i think you will attain it...we all will eventually ...all in due time, my friend...train yourself to be patient...its incredible the number of wonderous shapes in which reality can be bent and nothing is meant to last...nothing...so your situation will evolve...in a good or bad way. and, personally, i want to be around to see how this story ends...but i aint taking the easy way out...i aint gonna commit suicide...

in moments like this, words like 'you'll be fine.dont worry' or such might not be of any help, really. so as a token of my compassion and support i give you this.a view on dp of one fellow sufferer.

welcome to the board!


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## Guyver-Gabriel (Oct 29, 2005)

ow man,if only u knew...ive been there and done that...i thought it would be over so many times many times ive thought about death as a solution ...taking my own life away to make others' easier...so that i wouldnt be such a burden to them. ha! all those fucked up ideas are gone from me now and as fucked up as i may be...as empty as i may feel inside or look on the outside as miserable as my life can be...there are people out there who are ready not to give up on you not matter what...maybe you havent met them yet, theres still a lot of stuff for you to go thru...peace, well yes i think you will attain it...we all will eventually ...all in due time, my friend...train yourself to be patient...its incredible the number of wonderous shapes in which reality can be bent and nothing is meant to last...nothing...so your situation will evolve...in a good or bad way. and, personally, i want to be around to see how this story ends...but i aint taking the easy way out...i aint gonna commit suicide...

in moments like this, words like 'you'll be fine.dont worry' or such might not be of any help, really. so as a token of my compassion and support i give you this.a view on dp of one fellow sufferer.

welcome to the board!


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## Lunar Lander (Feb 17, 2006)

You need to call 1-800-273-TALK now; they will not hang up on you. Please do it right away; we do care about you and have been through this as well (and a lot of us have recovered). After you do, please look into options for therapy, as it can help you more than a doctor.

Also: You didn't waste the best years, 20s are way way better than teens; I didn't expect it either when I was 22 but it's true. Don't even sweat that. You couldn't even go out drinking until last year!


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## stevesteve (Aug 16, 2006)

I almost did. Im calmed down now. I called

But I went to my docter instead and broke down. He sent me to the ER. Wonderful, nothing is wrong with me, im fine go home, Your EKG and xrays are ok. My insurance is going to be looking for a 5,000$ deductible monday. :?

Im going to the DR tommorrow to see If I cant get my thyroid checked or something. Then too the nuerologist, then to the shrink I guess.

I just dont believe this.

I have never been Diagnosed with DP/DR but the symptoms sound like me. Im vainly searching for a physical ailment, a Tumor, a murmur, something. ANYTHING.

There is no price I would not pay, someone please SHOW ME THE WAY OUT of this nightmare.


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## Guest (Aug 16, 2006)

Dude those tests aren't gonna help, its psychological or so minute they would have to invent a whole new test for it... EEG, CAT, Blood tests arent gonna show anything related to dp/dr. I believe when you get into a panic attack the brain goes into shock and lowers its conscious state to dp/dr naturally and it takes the complete balance of anxiety/panic/depression to an Ideal state without the use of external substances that only act for a period of time like antidepressants/benzos. Im sure thats the only way to recover.


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## stevesteve (Aug 16, 2006)

Thyroid is a disease which can cause brain-fog or DP. A quick look at a thyroid disease forum indicates this. Also hair loss? I may have a thyroid problem. Im going to get it scoped out regardless.

Should everything be negative, I will go to a shrink and see whats going on. I am scared tho. They can Bakeract people in Florida if a DR. Believes they are harmful to themselves or others.

Whats the linden-method?


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## Guest (Aug 17, 2006)

stevesteve said:


> Thyroid is a disease which can cause brain-fog or DP. A quick look at a thyroid disease forum indicates this. Also hair loss? I may have a thyroid problem. Im going to get it scoped out regardless.
> 
> Should everything be negative, I will go to a shrink and see whats going on. I am scared tho. They can Bakeract people in Florida if a DR. Believes they are harmful to themselves or others.
> 
> Whats the linden-method?


Even if you do have a thyroid problem its not gonna help the dp/dr, they thought i had a problem too then i got medication forgot what it was ... and I took it for a year with no help.


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## stevesteve (Aug 16, 2006)

well thank you all for helping me step down from a major emotional breakdown.

I dont know how Im going to pay for all this.


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## stevesteve (Aug 16, 2006)

Radiohead said:


> stevesteve said:
> 
> 
> > well thank you all for helping me step down from a major emotional breakdown.
> ...


Once during a hypothetical Category 4 or 5 hurricane. But it was more of a daydream at work than anything. After thinking about it more I realized It probably couldnt be pulled off without a bit of knowledge in explosives. Besides. I havent stole anything since I was 15.

Hell I havent lived since I was 15 

Im afraid to go to work tonight, my boss will probably think I am high or something. My eyes are always funny looking.

I just want to absorb whats on this forum. The more I read, the more I am getting convinced. But I could be a Schizo too, or have a thyroid problem.

Who know's. Why dont we have all diseases cured? Why have we spent 621 billion dollars fighting a war in a country halfway around the world.

Could you imagine if the government devoted just a 1/4 or even a 1/10th of its resources to finding cures or treatments. Set goals for research..(eg. WE WILL HAVE CANCER CURED IN 15 YEARS!)

man this whole thing sucks. But im more relaxed reading other peoples misery. Atleast I can relate. sux


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## Lunar Lander (Feb 17, 2006)

I would see a shrink who specializes in anxiety, someone who's seen at least dozens of people who think they have a thyroid problem, or are schizophrenic, etcetera. Probably everyone on here has thought they had something really bad and they don't. Besides, your thyroid hormone levels are something that gets checked when you have a blood test with a routine physical examination from an internist. But all this is unlikely since as you said, you had a panic attack and then got dp/dr (which is just another anxiety reaction; you might have gotten it from worrying if you are alright and keep it alive worrying the same).

Basically how I got this thing under control was that I noted the times it got better and what I was doing that seemed to make it go away. Does it get better when you're involved in something that makes you forget about your dp/dr?


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## jeremy (Apr 28, 2006)

There are cures for cancer, 100's of them. Unfortunately, they are not patentable so Big Pharma suppresses them.

Take the Rife machine for example. Extreme success in cancer. Non-toxic. Devised in the 1930's. Suppressed.

Vitamin C Therapy. Extreme success. Non-toxic. Natural. Suppressed.

I could go on and on. That money you are spending on cancer is an absolute waste. There never will be a cure found as far as conventional medicine goes....You have to look at nature for a cure.


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## Inflammed (Aug 10, 2004)

Rage it out man, just let it all out.

The only way out is through sadly, thats why you gotta let go of it all, all the suffering and pain, buy yourself a punching bag, an electric guitar.
This life can be so flowered up sometimes 

There is a star deep in the sky for each of us, that we CANNOT spoil.


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## Guest (Aug 17, 2006)

I just wanna say that it took me 15 years to get better.

I felt just like you do now. I had a girl who left me and everything went upside down. I was patient. Now I feel well thank God. Im even married and will soon become a father.

You gotta be patient. You are not gonna feel better in a month. It may take a year or more but eventually you will feel better.

Just be a man. Fuck those who dont understand you. You dont need them anyway. There is always someone who will care about you.

You think you would end your pain by commiting suicide? My ass. Killing yourself is like killing another human being and no less sin. NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON IS!!!

Just get a good therapist and u'll be OK :wink:


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## Jack30 (Apr 27, 2006)

Steve...I can tell you right now that there is nothing, physically, wrong with you.

Educate yourself. Learn that there are some very, very distressing symptoms associated with anxiety, aside from the whoop-ass ones that accompany a killer panic attack.

I guarantee that once you learn that you are in no danger, you'll start feeling better. It's a long and difficult road - one that you will probably have to travel for the rest of your life. But in no way does that mean you cannot feel better very soon, or that the road doesn't get a hell of a lot smoother.

Cheers, pal.


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## Jack30 (Apr 27, 2006)

Jeremy...If it wasn't for conventional medicine, we'd all have small pox.


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## jeremy (Apr 28, 2006)

Jack30 said:


> Jeremy...If it wasn't for conventional medicine, we'd all have small pox.


I can see why the US rates 37th out of 39 industrialized countries in regards to health..... You guys get fed so much propganda its not funny. Anyway, I have never been vaccinated in my life. If my immune system is strong, there is no need for it in my eyes.


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## Jack30 (Apr 27, 2006)

Jeremy, you do not have - nor will likely ever get - small pox, measles, mumps or dozens of other deadly bacterial infections because conventional medicine helped virtually eradicate them decades before you were born.

Do some reading on the resurgence of some of these infections, which has transpired because of attitudes such as the kind you have. Parents who do not vaccinate, for whatever reason, jeopardize their own children, as well as the population at large.

Conventional medicine has its place, just as herbal and other alternative therapies do.


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## jeremy (Apr 28, 2006)

Resurgance of those diseases is because people like me havent been vaccinated..... That is such a dark ages comment. I don't get physically sick. Ever. Never had any childhood diseases, never been to a MD, never been physically sick. Sounds like Im the reason for the resurgance of smallpox....Yeah ok.

If you take care of yourself, you have no need to worry about having smallpox or measles or birdflu for that matter. But if you want to inject yourself with vaccines that cause extreme health problems such as autism etc go right ahead. Your perogative.


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## Lunar Lander (Feb 17, 2006)

> I don't get physically sick. Ever. Never had any childhood diseases, never been to a MD, never been physically sick.


You have never had the common cold?


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## Jack30 (Apr 27, 2006)

It amazes me that you are dense enough to not acknowledge the efficacy of vaccines, or the worldwide benefit they have provided.

And to follow your logic: I have been vaccinated for myriad infectious diseases, as millions of others have, but I do not have autism.

Moreover, to suggest that vaccines cause autism is ludicrous, and totally baseless. But I am sure you have some studies up your sleeve.


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## jeremy (Apr 28, 2006)

Lunar Lander said:


> > I don't get physically sick. Ever. Never had any childhood diseases, never been to a MD, never been physically sick.
> 
> 
> You have never had the common cold?


I had to think about that for a sec, but I can honestly answer no, not that I can remember. I don't think anyone in my family got colds to tell you the truth... (5 children), but I did get a phlegmy cough after a night out on the town from too much smoking which cleared up a day later.

However I can be a tad Over The Top when it comes to natural health in that when part of my tooth fell out and the dentist told me I would have to have a root canal as my nerve would die, I told him no and funnily enough...hole in tooth...nerve still alive and healthy and no pain whatsoever. He looked at me like I was crazy. I take care of it now putting cinammon and clove essential oil in the hole everyday. It worked out and saved me a hefty dentistry bill.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

So you have never been ill and never even had a cold, are you serious?


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## Jack30 (Apr 27, 2006)

A tad over the top? You are denying that vaccines saved millions of lives. You're more than over the top. You're a delusional zealot.

I would never deny that natural medicine has its virtues. Even something as simple as aloe. That you can deny the benefit of "conventional" medicine boggles my mind.


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## jeremy (Apr 28, 2006)

Does a hangover count? If not then no, I have never been ill or had a cold.... Thats one thing I don't understand. If there is a cold or flu going around, why do some people get it and others dont? Comes down to the immune system.

In my eyes conventional medicine has it's place for emergencies and diagnosis only. If i broke my arm, I certainly wouldnt be going to a Past Life Regression therapist.

We will look back in 100-200 years and realise how barbaric we have been in treating sick people.

Remember a lobotomy....that was once defined as revolutionary. Is it now?

There was also a revolutionary method to resolve mental illness in which the doctor would take out the teeth one by one until the person was "cured". If that didnt work then he would take out each organ also one by one. Suffice to say he didnt have a very high success rate, yet this was applauded by the medical community. I forget what this process was called.

Also did you know that US surgeons used to operate on babies without giving them anaesthesia. They would give them muscle relaxants instead to paralyze them.

All of these were standard practices

Healing comes from the inside out, not the outside in. The intelligence that made the body can certainly damn well heal the body.


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## Lunar Lander (Feb 17, 2006)

Do you remember the alternative-medicine therapists a few years ago who smothered a little girl to death during "rebirthing" therapy?

http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/l ... 91,00.html

If you can throw out all of conventional medicine through stray examples, then we can do the same with alternative medicine. Easily.



> There was also a revolutionary method to resolve mental illness in which the doctor would take out the teeth one by one until the person was "cured".


And the problem with that is that it was about as scientifically proven as your tapping or bach flower remedies.


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## jeremy (Apr 28, 2006)

> Do you remember the alternative-medicine therapists a few years ago who smothered a little girl to death during "rebirthing" therapy?
> 
> If you can throw out all of conventional medicine through stray examples, then we can do the same with alternative medicine. Easily.


I agree, get rid of the things that are dangerous, risky and toxic including alternative therapies.



> And the problem with that is that it was about as scientifically proven as your tapping or bach flower remedies.


However I've still got my teeth and liver....


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## Lunar Lander (Feb 17, 2006)

jeremy said:


> However I've still got my teeth and liver....


Congratulations, so do I! Who else?


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

jeremy said:


> Does a hangover count? If not then no, I have never been ill or had a cold.... Thats one thing I don't understand. If there is a cold or flu going around, why do some people get it and others dont? Comes down to the immune system .


So what makes your immune system so superior to other peoples?

From my understanding what makes your immune system strong is what you were exposed to as a child, so if your parents let you run around in the mud and didnt overclean the house then your immune system would build up a tolerance and a strength. Also I am worried about you Jeremy because if you never got stuff like mumps and chickenpocks when you were a child or vaccinated then if you get them as an adult then they can cause serious damage and problems.

Stuff like sleep, stress and diet can affect your immune system I know but even if you have perfect habits like these then you would still get ill unless you are Lex Luthor from Smallville who got infected by meteor rock.


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## Revelation_old (Aug 9, 2004)

Moved to off topic.

Jeremy I just read a PM from you dated Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:33 pm. You still want me to do what you asked?


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