# I'm starting to think that I have something worse than DP/DR.



## silverhawk (May 17, 2014)

I'm starting to think that I have something worse than DP/DR.
DP and DR are psychiatric SYMPTOMS, whereas for me it feels like a STATE, an altered state of consciousness.

My state: I'm in a walking coma. Emotions and feelings shut off. Unresponsive to the outside world. Unable to feel or experience or emotionally connect. I'm not "here" at all times. I'm completely disconnected from the present moment.

It's like a sleepwalking state, dream state, trance state, blank state, zoned out state, daydreaming state, or a zombie state.

It feels like as if I'm in a dream or dead, so it feels like a medical emergency.

I can't remember the first half of my life.

To other people, I look preoccupied, introverted, flat, numb, blank, emotionless, zoned out, or look like I'm daydreaming.

Since there is absolutely no emotions in my eyes, people get uncomfortable whenever I make direct eye contact. Therefore, I have to look at the mouth whenever I talk to someone.

Everything I do is based off of learned behavior, responses, etc. I have no idea what's going on out in the real world.

It's like everyone else is going forward in time, but I'm stuck in time. I'm not mentally aging anymore.

It's hard to keep my eyes open most of the day, because my brain is literally shut down. It's like i'm unconscious but able to move and speak.

I feel like if I "wake up" from this state, I'm not going to be able to remember anything that had happened during the time I was in this state, like waking up from a coma.

Any thoughts?


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## Lostsoul26 (Nov 9, 2016)

U just listed everything I feel to the T. and I do not like how psychiatrist dont have much to say when u tell them u have all the symptoms of depersonalization.I told one therapist this n she told me if you do research on the internet n u focus on it to much u will start believing you have these things.im like wtf I dont believe I know after 8 long years I know I do.and all this is suppose to be just dp and it will go away.like this shit is nothing nothing to worry about wtf this shit is debilitating this shit has me jobless,and would be homeless if it wasnt for my family.this shit is similar to dementia alzheimers schizophrenia but its just dp they say!this shit is hell on earth is what it is


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## Lostsoul26 (Nov 9, 2016)

And not mentally aging I feel that way to like im a lost kid is what I feel like n im 25yrs old.and I do feel dead like the walking dead.the only thing that makes me alive is my heartbeating and my eyes seeing other then that im just a body.no soul no self no thoughts no mind no personality nothing is there


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

silverhawk you have described Depersonalization perfectly....

Something to remember about this condition is that it constantly tries to convince us that it is something else (usually something worse).....And it can be very convincing when it wants to be....Its actually another of the frightening mental OCD symptoms of DP....(The things that are going round and round in your head that you just cant seem to tune out or stop) Basically its the intrusive thinking that goes hand in hand with DP.....Unfortunately the intrusive obsessive thinking that comes with DP is usually about disturbing and upsetting stuff.....

Its very normal to experience this with DP


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## Hellome (Sep 29, 2016)

Lostsoul26 said:


> And not mentally aging I feel that way to like im a lost kid is what I feel like n im 25yrs old.and I do feel dead like the walking dead.the only thing that makes me alive is my heartbeating and my eyes seeing other then that im just a body.no soul no self no thoughts no mind no personality nothing is there


You've been experiencing this lack of self and everything included, without any relief, for 8 years straight?


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## Lostsoul26 (Nov 9, 2016)

^^^
The only relief I would get from it was when im asleep,when I would go out and binge drink on the weekends (havent done that in 2yrs now) and when I was taking zoloft and it actually worked for me.which was about for 5mths.and I still had dp but I felt 70percent better. Before this year I always worked n I have kids so mainly work n distraction kept me going,well made the days pass really with this horrible crap.I bearly found out what dp was a year n a half ago before that I always thought I had major depressive disorder and that I prob.did brain damage the last time I took ecstasy.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Those symptoms are classic DPDR, even though it's always possible you have something else going on too, so make sure you get thoroughly checked out. I would also urge you to keep researching if nothing comes up. Don't just sit back and say "well that's it, I have DPDR," try to always be moving forward and looking for answers, but not in a way that drives you nuts. Slow and steady. Because for instance, I have always been fairly resigned to having this condition, but over the past week I have noticed something unusual - my heart beats 20 to 25 beats per minute faster immediately upon standing up. So now that sheds some new light on things. I'm going to dig deeper with that and see if anything comes up, and if it's nothing I'll continue looking. I will eventually beat this, and so will all of us here.


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## tfiio (Nov 10, 2016)

this is one of those things where the naming conventions get confusing.

depersonalization and derealization can both be symptoms of other things, but there is also a specific disorder that is That Thing. the clearest thing I can compare it to is depression. a friend of mine likes to differentiate between feeling depressed (something that even neurotypicals feel, feeling down or blah or sad or the blues or whatever else you want to call it) or the mood disorders (major depressive disorder, seasonal affective disorder, disthymia, and the depressive episodes of bipolar disorder). while one can feel depressed about anything from your favorite sports team losing a close game to the death of a loved one, there is a difference between being depressed and being Depressed. the capital D is how my friend indicates the actual disorder, instead of just the feeling.

depersonalization and derealization are in fact listed symptoms/criteria of a multitude of mental disorders, most commonly major depressive disorder, all the anxiety disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, and so on. however, there is a separate "capital D" diagnosis, which is depersonalization disorder or derealization disorder. this is in the same category as dissociative amnesia and dissociative identity disorder. (please don't freak out about that, when people hear "multiple personalities" [the old name for DID] they assume "completely whacked-out crazy" but that is certainly not the case. I have had several close friends with DID, and they are no crazier or more "gone" than any of my other mentally disordered friends (which realistically is all of them))

it can be difficult to tease apart whether your feelings of depersonalization are a symptom of a different disorder, or a symptom of the "capital D" disorder. one of the criteria for diagnosis with depersonalization disorder or derealization disorder (they are typically lumped together) is that it cannot be attributed to another mental disorder or substance abuse or so on and so forth.

I had been diagnosed with major depressive disorder (and later disthymia) in the past, so when I started seeing professionals again they just assumed it was that. because I lack the internal systems of validation that most others have, it took a loooooot of effort and research in order to prove to myself that I was right, and I had to do that before I could work on convincing the "grownups".

I know this kind of rambled on a bit, I lose track of what I'm saying even when it's written down. hopefully some of that information might help you get a slightly better idea of what's going on with you.


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## Ann1984E (Nov 8, 2016)

i hve those symtoms too, where you feel like disconnected from everything, shut off from your real self,


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## Mydp (Aug 12, 2016)

tfiio said:


> this is one of those things where the naming conventions get confusing.
> 
> depersonalization and derealization can both be symptoms of other things, but there is also a specific disorder that is That Thing. the clearest thing I can compare it to is depression. a friend of mine likes to differentiate between feeling depressed (something that even neurotypicals feel, feeling down or blah or sad or the blues or whatever else you want to call it) or the mood disorders (major depressive disorder, seasonal affective disorder, disthymia, and the depressive episodes of bipolar disorder). while one can feel depressed about anything from your favorite sports team losing a close game to the death of a loved one, there is a difference between being depressed and being Depressed. the capital D is how my friend indicates the actual disorder, instead of just the feeling.
> 
> ...


DPD by itself is believed to be rare. DP is thought to almost always be co-morbid with another disorder, like those you listed.

I had myself convinced that I had either a brain tumor, cancer, MS, occular pseudotumor, lymphoma, etc. because something HAD to be physically wrong with me. My mind demanded a tangible cause, because, in my mind, that could be fixed. It was too hard to accept that it was just "all in my head". I had every test I could have in a months time. My insurance even sent me a letter saying they would no longer pay for testing that was not specifically requested by my doctor for the rest of that year. Everything came back normal. The DP needs your fear and anxiety to feed itself. Its how it survives. You are not alone. Maybe we can't give you a magic cure here, but. Hopefully you find some peace in knowing you are among those who understand what you are going through and either are or have been there themselves.


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