# Feeling very uncomfortable existing as a living being



## ratesofchange (Apr 11, 2018)

Since I was maybe 7 years old I have had occasional 'lapses' where I broke from reality and have a moment of self awareness of existing and whatnot. This didn't get in the way of my life and I moved on.

Now I'm 18 and my DP is the worst it has ever been.

I feel very uncomfortable in my own skin as being a human being with working parts just makes me feel so vulnerable (and makes me very anxious). I have had irrational health anxieties and doctors have given me the all clear on a physical level.

However I tried to sort my life out by eating better, stop drinking, routine sleep pattern, lots of therapy (for self confidence and anxiety) but it doesn't change the fact I still feel so detached and spaced out. I took LSD once (and horrifically bad tripped) and things have been pretty bad since then, though I can't be sure if that was the cause. That's another reason this all sucks so much-there are no 'quick fixes' to get better .

I just feel like my head is a sea of thoughts with one thought trying to constantly come out on top as the primary one. Luckily I still have my ego maintained (thanks to therapy) but sometimes it goes for a few seconds. It's exhausting physically and sometimes I'm so spaced out I'm scared I will just collapse.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Do you think I should book myself in for a brain scan or will that just feed my anxiety?

Thanks for reading.


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## solus (Mar 20, 2018)

Hi RateOfChange,

Sorry for the late reply to your introductory post!

If you woke up tomorrow and your DP was gone, never to return, what would you do with all that extra energy, focus, time, and emotional freedom?

My advice is to do exactly that now. Don't wait around for it to lift: live your life in spite of the DP. You need to emotionally reconnect with life on every level.

Healthy eating, sleep, cutting out drink and drugs, (as well as your therapy) laid the foundation for recovery, but on top of that you need to be fully emotionally engaged with purpose in the world on every level: physically, socially, intellectually, creatively, etc. All that anxiety and tension is burning you out mentally, physically and emotionally, keeping you dissociated, and it needs to be redirected outwardly.

It might not be an easy and quick fix for everyone, but it's straightforward and I am certain every chronic case of DP/DR can be permanently overcome in a few months. (In a small minority of cases, there may be some physical issue that needs to be identified and addressed first [EDIT: this case for example], but I understand DP/DR as primarily an emotional disorder. However, I'm not a psychologist, just someone who's been in and out of DP/DR many times and thought a lot about it from the inside and outside.)

I am recovered from DP and DR, but if I make a conscious introspective effort, I can step back into a dissociated state and lose my "ego"; however, only for a moment because my sense of my self is quite solid and resilient. Even if I "collapsed" I have the confidence that I'd come back at least as strong. I can float in that sea of thoughts without grasping or fearing that it will engulf me.

I wouldn't recommend a brain scan without good reason since it would probably only feed your irrational health anxieties. 



ratesofchange said:


> Since I was maybe 7 years old I have had occasional 'lapses' where I broke from reality and have a moment of self awareness of existing and whatnot. This didn't get in the way of my life and I moved on.
> 
> Now I'm 18 and my DP is the worst it has ever been.
> 
> ...


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