# After lurking for so long....



## Openhanded (Jun 3, 2010)

Hi, I'm Sam. I am 16 years old and have suffered from anxiety since I was 6 years old. At the age of 6, I was put on Effexor for School Anxiety Disorder. This helped me immensely. At the age of 8, I began to once again experience anxiety and was put on Luvox at the time. From there on, I don't remember any SEVERE anxiety till I was 14 years old. At that time, I began to have panic attacks and severe depression (and a certain feeling that I learned about later). I thought I was going crazy. After I turned 15, I finally told my parents about my problems with anxiety and depression. I begged to go to a psychiatrist but my parents thought it wasn't necessary. A family doctor in town gave me a script for 12.5mg Paxil CR and .5mg Klonopin to take whenever needed. This cured my depression for awhile, but not my anxiety. My Klonopin bottle slowly drained each week. After the Paxil stopped helping my depression, my Paxil dosage was increased to 25mg. After the increase, I became suicidal. I began scratching myself furiously and cutting myself. I realized the Paxil was hurting me and took myself off of it without a doctor's supervision. After about 5 days off of the Paxil, I started to have the "zaps". I told my parents I had quit taking the Paxil and they were fine with it, but worried I could have had a seizure (which was a great possibility).

For 3 months, my depression stayed with me and I continued to take Klonopin for my anxiety. I saw another doctor (a nurse practictioner) who put me on 150mg Luvox CR for Social Anxiety Disorder. This helped my anxiety, but my Klonopin consumption increased. When Luvox CR became too expensive, I was put on Luvox once again since it has a generic, unlike the CR version. If you know much about SSRIs, you know Luvox is only approved for treatment of OCD, which my NP told me I had a mild case of. After the switch to the regular Luvox, my depression became unbearable and my anxiety was skyrocketing. In this time, I stumbled across a Wikipedia page about a certain disorder called Depersonalization Disorder. As I read the article I cried because the feelings of unreality and disassociation I had been having had an explanation. In mid-February of 2010, I was put in a mental hospital to get urgent psychiatric help for my depression and anxiety. I was an outpatient and went through intense therapy every day. I FINALLY got to see a psychiatrist for the first time and was prescribed 5mg Abilify to amplify the effects of Luvox to try and make it more like another SSRI, such as Prozac. A few days later, I was prescribed 30mg Vyvanse for ADD. At the end of my two weeks in treatment, I was taking 200mg Luvox, 1mg Klonopin, 5mg Abilify and 30mg Vyvanse daily and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

For awhile, my symptoms were better, including my DP/DR. But of course, they became worse once again. I convinced my psychiatrist that Luvox was not the right medication for me and he switched me to 40mg of Prozac. Prozac did absolutely nothing for me except it made my DP/DR worse, made me ALWAYS sleepy and I became extremely irritable and rude, which is unlike me. My psychiatrist told me to wait 6 weeks to see the effects. I understood this and continued to live with the pain. At my appointment 9 days ago (I have turned 16 by now), I stressed the pains of DP/DR to my psychiatrist, but he nearly ignored them. He took me off of Abilify because he said that was what was making me irritable and excessively tired. I told him of some of the wonders people here have had with Lamictal and he said we could try it after the Prozac stabilizes in two weeks. on June 2nd at 1:45 A.M., I had a nervous breakdown. I had lost all hope and desperately wanted my parents to take me back to a hospital. I had lost my will to live. I had lost myself. I took 4mg of Klonopin and managed to fall asleep. The next morning (June 2nd), my parents made an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist. I walked into his office with the DSM-IV in hand. I opened up to him like I never had before. I told him how he was wrong that my anxiety causes my DP/DR and that my DP/DR causes my anxiety and depression and so on and so forth. I opened the DSM-IV up to the diagnostic criteria for Depersonalization Disorder and read all of the 4 criterion that must be met and gave him an example of how each one effects me. I am extremely against self-diagnosis so I made him say it. He finally said that I have Depersonalization Disorder. He also agreed that my DP/DR is causing my anxiety, etc... I told him we had to start over with my medication (except for Vyvanse which had been moved to 70mg and Klonopin which had been moved to 2mg daily, those work perfectly fine). He agreed and took me off of the Prozac. We decided that since I had tried 4 SSRIs and they hadn't worked that trying another class would be helpful. Yes, we decided on the atom bomb: Lithium. I do not have Schizophrenia or Bipolar Disorder. I am taking the Lithium as an anti-depressant and mood stabilizer. He believes it will also help with the DP/DR. We also chose Lithium because it acts quicker and I need something to act quickly because I am leaving for a Spanish immersion trip in two weeks and can't be taking Lamictal then since it will begin working while I am away from my family and my psychiatrist. I took my first dose of Lithium about 5 hours ago and luckily, no side-effects appeared. If I return from my trip and my symptoms aren't better, Lamictal will be added to my regimen.

So what do all the medications and diagnoses boil down to?
Diagnoses: 
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Panic Disorder
Major Depressive Disorder
Attention Deficit Disorder
Depersonalization Disorder

Medications:
300mg Lithium Carbonate 2x daily
20mg Prozac (weaning off of it for the next week)
2-4mg Klonopin
70mg Vyvanse

Thank you for reading this if you actually did; I know it was quite long. Thank you for letting me tell my story because it feels good to have it all written down and accounted for. I am still fighting the DP/DR battle just as all of you are and I wish every single one of you good luck in finding your own personal treatment. I have a new hope that I KNOW I will get better, and I know all of you will too.


----------



## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Wow, you sound like such a smart kid. And only 16? Im impressed. Sounds like you have definitely been through A LOT, and i hope that your journey only gets better and easier from here on out. I, too, have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder, and am taking 4 meds just like you. A suggestion I would make is- Celexa is an antidepressant (SSRI), with very mild side effects for the use of OCD, and is actually said to work better than Luvox. Maybe bring this up with your doctor? See what he suggests. Also, Lamictal is a great drug too, both for mood-stabilization, and it has antidepressant properties to it as well if you decide to go down that route. Best of luck to you


----------



## ZachT (Sep 8, 2008)

Openhanded said:


> Hi, I'm Sam. I am 16 years old and have suffered from anxiety since I was 6 years old. At the age of 6, I was put on Effexor for School Anxiety Disorder. This helped me immensely. At the age of 8, I began to once again experience anxiety and was put on Luvox at the time. From there on, I don't remember any SEVERE anxiety till I was 14 years old. At that time, I began to have panic attacks and severe depression (and a certain feeling that I learned about later). I thought I was going crazy. After I turned 15, I finally told my parents about my problems with anxiety and depression. I begged to go to a psychiatrist but my parents thought it wasn't necessary. A family doctor in town gave me a script for 12.5mg Paxil CR and .5mg Klonopin to take whenever needed. This cured my depression for awhile, but not my anxiety. My Klonopin bottle slowly drained each week. After the Paxil stopped helping my depression, my Paxil dosage was increased to 25mg. After the increase, I became suicidal. I began scratching myself furiously and cutting myself. I realized the Paxil was hurting me and took myself off of it without a doctor's supervision. After about 5 days off of the Paxil, I started to have the "zaps". I told my parents I had quit taking the Paxil and they were fine with it, but worried I could have had a seizure (which was a great possibility).
> 
> For 3 months, my depression stayed with me and I continued to take Klonopin for my anxiety. I saw another doctor (a nurse practictioner) who put me on 150mg Luvox CR for Social Anxiety Disorder. This helped my anxiety, but my Klonopin consumption increased. When Luvox CR became too expensive, I was put on Luvox once again since it has a generic, unlike the CR version. If you know much about SSRIs, you know Luvox is only approved for treatment of OCD, which my NP told me I had a mild case of. After the switch to the regular Luvox, my depression became unbearable and my anxiety was skyrocketing. In this time, I stumbled across a Wikipedia page about a certain disorder called Depersonalization Disorder. As I read the article I cried because the feelings of unreality and disassociation I had been having had an explanation. In mid-February of 2010, I was put in a mental hospital to get urgent psychiatric help for my depression and anxiety. I was an outpatient and went through intense therapy every day. I FINALLY got to see a psychiatrist for the first time and was prescribed 5mg Abilify to amplify the effects of Luvox to try and make it more like another SSRI, such as Prozac. A few days later, I was prescribed 30mg Vyvanse for ADD. At the end of my two weeks in treatment, I was taking 200mg Luvox, 1mg Klonopin, 5mg Abilify and 30mg Vyvanse daily and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
> 
> ...


I can't believe they put you on effexor at age 6....


----------



## darkblonde (Mar 13, 2010)

Openhanded said:


> Hi, I'm Sam. I am 16 years old and have suffered from anxiety since I was 6 years old. At the age of 6, I was put on Effexor for School Anxiety Disorder. This helped me immensely. At the age of 8, I began to once again experience anxiety and was put on Luvox at the time. From there on, I don't remember any SEVERE anxiety till I was 14 years old. At that time, I began to have panic attacks and severe depression (and a certain feeling that I learned about later). I thought I was going crazy. After I turned 15, I finally told my parents about my problems with anxiety and depression. I begged to go to a psychiatrist but my parents thought it wasn't necessary. A family doctor in town gave me a script for 12.5mg Paxil CR and .5mg Klonopin to take whenever needed. This cured my depression for awhile, but not my anxiety. My Klonopin bottle slowly drained each week. After the Paxil stopped helping my depression, my Paxil dosage was increased to 25mg. After the increase, I became suicidal. I began scratching myself furiously and cutting myself. I realized the Paxil was hurting me and took myself off of it without a doctor's supervision. After about 5 days off of the Paxil, I started to have the "zaps". I told my parents I had quit taking the Paxil and they were fine with it, but worried I could have had a seizure (which was a great possibility).
> 
> For 3 months, my depression stayed with me and I continued to take Klonopin for my anxiety. I saw another doctor (a nurse practictioner) who put me on 150mg Luvox CR for Social Anxiety Disorder. This helped my anxiety, but my Klonopin consumption increased. When Luvox CR became too expensive, I was put on Luvox once again since it has a generic, unlike the CR version. If you know much about SSRIs, you know Luvox is only approved for treatment of OCD, which my NP told me I had a mild case of. After the switch to the regular Luvox, my depression became unbearable and my anxiety was skyrocketing. In this time, I stumbled across a Wikipedia page about a certain disorder called Depersonalization Disorder. As I read the article I cried because the feelings of unreality and disassociation I had been having had an explanation. In mid-February of 2010, I was put in a mental hospital to get urgent psychiatric help for my depression and anxiety. I was an outpatient and went through intense therapy every day. I FINALLY got to see a psychiatrist for the first time and was prescribed 5mg Abilify to amplify the effects of Luvox to try and make it more like another SSRI, such as Prozac. A few days later, I was prescribed 30mg Vyvanse for ADD. At the end of my two weeks in treatment, I was taking 200mg Luvox, 1mg Klonopin, 5mg Abilify and 30mg Vyvanse daily and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
> 
> ...


----------



## Openhanded (Jun 3, 2010)

Theone2 said:


> I can't believe they put you on effexor at age 6....


Yes, I know. But the Effexor worked wonders for me at that age. As for the Luvox, I can barely remember. Hell, I can barely remember anything before my Freshman year of high school. Maybe a side-effect of DP? Who knows. The mystery continues...


----------



## Openhanded (Jun 3, 2010)

insaticiable said:


> Wow, you sound like such a smart kid. And only 16? Im impressed. Sounds like you have definitely been through A LOT, and i hope that your journey only gets better and easier from here on out. I, too, have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder, and am taking 4 meds just like you. A suggestion I would make is- Celexa is an antidepressant (SSRI), with very mild side effects for the use of OCD, and is actually said to work better than Luvox. Maybe bring this up with your doctor? See what he suggests. Also, Lamictal is a great drug too, both for mood-stabilization, and it has antidepressant properties to it as well if you decide to go down that route. Best of luck to you


Thank you very much for reading my post. It means a lot that everyone here cares for each other and takes time to read other accounts of life-changing decisions, events, etc... As for the smart part, I don't mean to toot my own horn, but yes, I consider myself very smart, as do many other people (I hate saying things like that, it gives the completely wrong image of who I am). I work in a pharmacy as a Pharmacy Tech in Training and I love it. The way that a medication can change your whole persona just completely fascinates me. Also, the head pharmacist is going to be helping me with some of the compounds that I have come up with; I like to think up different things that would work well together and be easier for people to handle. I aspire to one day work in a mental hospital as a Pharmacist who consults with the Psychiatrists about which medications to put patients on.

I was pondering the OCD component of myself as I was leaving the psych's office; the Prozac (which I am coming off of, it makes me much too irritable and excessively sleepy) was the only medication I took for OCD. My OCD has been acting up a lot lately, especially the obsessive component. Since I have turned 16, I got a car and I am CONSTANTLY working on it. I obsess over it and I am constantly thinking about what I can do next to make the sound system/performance better. I have spent many a night up until 5 A.M. (even on school nights) working on my car because I can't wait till the next day to do it and I cannot rest until my task is complete. I re-evaluated with my psych for Bipolar II (I have never had a manic episode, I thought my obsessing over my car was a hypo-manic episode); we came to the conclusion that what I had thought was a hypo-manic episode was just my severe OCD. It was quite a relief for me because I didn't want to add yet another disorder to my list. I will bring up the Celexa to my psych on our next visit so my OCD can be controlled since it will be the only variable not being treated. Thanks so much for the input and support









Sam


----------

