# "The Martyr In Love" (Jurgen's Recovery Story)



## Jurgen (Aug 3, 2013)

I've come to realize that all of my emotional afflictions stem from a place that needs to feel loved and nurtured because as a child my father smothered me with his love and never allowed me to love myself. As a result of this, I have become a blind tyrant of love. A codependent tyrant that is constantly seeking that same love in everyone. I get upset if that *need* is unfulfilled or hindered in any kind of way because I subconsciously regard it as a threat to my ability to love and receive love.

Take Hossocat as an example; a senior member on this forum who suffered from existential dread after reading Rene Descarte's metaphysical "Solipsism" theory that basically denotes that nobody else is real.

It isn't because nobody else is real, Hossocat. It's because this blocks your ability to love and receive love. And that's what's most important to you.


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## Guest (May 25, 2014)

Im still searching for what shattered my sense of self.

So far all I know is that when people in my life leave me, or when I leave them, I miss them alot. I still think about people I haven't seen in 5+ years


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## Pyrite (Mar 25, 2014)

seafoam neon said:


> Im still searching for what shattered my sense of self.
> 
> So far all I know is that when people in my life leave me, or when I leave them, I miss them alot. I still think about people I haven't seen in 5+ years


I'm the exact opposite, if people exit my life it's like they never existed in the first place. Even when I do see someone regularly, I have to remind myself to maintain the relationship.

I never learned how to form a strong bond, or really any bond, with other people.


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## thminn (Jul 30, 2012)

Pyrite said:


> I'm the exact opposite, if people exit my life it's like they never existed in the first place. Even when I do see someone regularly, I have to remind myself to maintain the relationship.
> 
> I never learned how to form a strong bond, or really any bond, with other people.


I´m the same!

Why is that?


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## Pyrite (Mar 25, 2014)

thminn said:


> I´m the same!
> 
> Why is that?


Not sure 100%

It's something to be pondered


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