# The ROOT cause of depersonalization



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

http://www.forhealing.org/shame.html

I believe that this is the true cause of depersonalization (splitting from the true self) believing yourself to be flawed and bad, you begin to split from your true self (creating an observer self) ...perfectionism comes in because in order to hide the false belief of being "defective at the core" one must be perfect and never make mistakes, for making a mistake could trigger and reveal your "shamefull self" .... Shame causes people to run away from the self and from problems... In order to heal from depersonalization one must heal from toxic shame.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

My FAVOURITE part...and the reason for DP....

Healing from shame involves dealing with the wounds of childhood, grief work, giving voice to one's inner child, and, in Bradshaw's words again, "the integration of your disowned parts". In other words, accepting all of your self: your shame-bound feelings, needs and wants; your anger, sadness, fears and joys; your sexuality and your assertiveness. These are the parts that were split off out of shame. Writing dialogues with those parts, using visualization, dream work and ritual can help you reunite with and accept the parts. Finally, the most important thing you can do is choose to love yourself. This is the greatest enemy of shame. You cannot count on unconditional love from anyone except yourself, so say these words out loud and say them often. Even if you don't believe them yet, say: "I love myself and I accept myself exactly as I am, right now, at this moment." And just so, the healing has begun.

INTEGRATE DISOWNED PARTS OF YOURSELF!!!


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## Guest (Jun 2, 2013)

Yes, I agree. Healing is self integration. Blocking parts of our self is a learned habit that has become automatic so we don't realise we are doing it and cannot see how to break out of it. It's like anything you learn. At first it is slow and clumsy, but if we persist we can perform complex tasks without thinking.

We originally did it because of prolonged and inescapable stress, usually in childhood, where, as dependants, we couldn't just walk away. So we learned to segregate ourselves from the pain and fear, just to cope and get by. On top of this, we might also have been criticised for "being silly" or "weak" if we felt or showed distress, so we might even be taught to do this by others. It's not living, it's surviving, and it's not a happy existence. Then we get older and perhaps circumstances change, but nothing is resolved because we are still closed to ourselves. Whenever that pain rears up, we shut it down immediately without thinking, but it's still there, and we are still suffering.

But habits can be changed, and just as we learned to close off from ourselves and everything else we can learn the opposite.

At first it will be slow and clumsy, but if we persist in being open and receptive to the world around us and the feelings they provoke when they arise, or intentionally in a safe time and place, it starts to become automatic, and as these two habits cannot co-exist, the old one will have to go, and we can make it happen. You can feel scared and vulnerable, and many things may come up in the process, but you begin to open up to yourself and the reality of your life and environment until there is no distinction and you are a whole person living as part of the world.


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## Andre (Jun 2, 2013)

Thank you, I identified with 90% of this article. That really helped.


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## Alex12 (Jun 2, 2013)

This website really opened my eyes to many things and the way I'm feeling, I really need to dig up into my true self and not be afraid of the things that happend in my past.I find this way more helpfull then some of the articles that talk about being positive and all that,without digging dip for why people are feeling the way they are feeling.


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## Guest (Jun 2, 2013)

Excellent article, I found it to be very relatable thanks a lot~!


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## AlexFromPT (Jun 26, 2011)

Ok, just realized my body issues are related this. Thanks a lot.

Edit. Just wanted to add that, in my case, it wasnt my family that called me fat, unnatractive or chubby. The people who treated me this way were basically friends. Slowly, constant emotional abuse. Interpersonal trauma.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I'm glad I could help people shed some light on the real reasons for DP... It takes a lot of effort to transcend the shame.

Fearless I too had excessive shame it was at the core of my being, it was the motive behind every behavior, shame is behind codependency, not standing up for yourself, body image problems, low self esteem. I like to call it "the monster inside"

I think in people's with DP"s case the shame is so excessive and high that one must split off from that pain hence the DP


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## bubniakz (Jun 3, 2008)

From psychoanalytic article by Simeon, Guralnik: "In the final parts of this paper we explore the connection between SHAME and the loss of cultural intelligibility and suggest that humiliation and SHAME serve to petrify depersonalization into mental structure." " Clinically, in working with depersonalization, moments marked by the struggle with SHAME are the potential site to carve out a new sovereignty that will allow a fuller sense of personhood."


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## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

AlexFromPT said:


> Ok, just realized my body issues are related this. Thanks a lot.
> 
> Edit. Just wanted to add that, in my case, it wasnt my family that called me fat, unnatractive or chubby. The people who treated me this way were basically friends. Slowly, constant emotional abuse. Interpersonal trauma.


Totally related here.

I suffered heavy bullying on school.

Nobody beated me,but they used to call me fat,they stole my money,my things,and I would still call them friends.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Victor

Your parents set you up to get bullied, by the time you entered school you had already been conditioned to be weak and most likely people pleasing


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Sorry to hear you were bullied, I too was bullied in high school although back then I still had some attitude left lol


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## Guest (Jun 3, 2013)

I was the same way as victor, from 5th grade to 11th. The closest thing I ever had to friends were bullies.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

I think that chronic abuse is meant to trigger shame and to deal with the shame the mind has to dissociate because the idea that we are tragically flawed and incorrigible as our abusers want us to believe is too much for the mind to bear. There is a fine line between becoming codependent on someone by making their opinions gospel in your mind and just being someone who cares what others think of you because you don't want to be though of in a bad way by your social group. In our cases it's caring what abusers have to say that ultimately makes us codependent because we become slaves to them by caring to much about what they have to say about us, not understanding that their comments are just projections of their own selves or made with the intention to harm and not be constructive. As soon as we understand this, and also that no amount of jumping hoops will appease them, their harshness will no longer be a threat to our psyche and necessitate the need for dp. Knowledge is power. It's ultimately true that we have to give ourselves unconditional love because no one else will do that.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Vortomi ... I attracted the exact same friends...it just means you have some work to do in resolving these relationships and becoming whole so your relationships can be equal...this relationship style just shows us just how much of ourselves we have repressed and resulting in the other "friends" personality overshadowing ours...that was the relationship dynamic for us growing up at home.

You really need to change the relationship you have with yourself to change this and attract new and healthy people


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

"the power over relationship"


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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

missjess said:


> Victor
> 
> Your parents set you up to get bullied, by the time you entered school you had already been conditioned to be weak and most likely people pleasing


Could you please shed some light on the relationship between a toxic household and being bullied at school etc.? It's the same for me, I was bullied a lot as a kid but I always tried to stand up for myself (physically fighting, verbally fighting back etc.) yet in the end I always felt sad because it didn't really give me satisfaction that I stood up for myself, I kind of felt sad that nobody likes me. If I had had emotionally developed parents I wouldn't have been so sad that other people bully me? Or I just would have walked away?

EDIT: also, I don't know how this relates, I was always feeling like I was the one that did something bad. Like someone would verbally abuse me for let's say 2 days at school and I would phisically attack him, and then everybody would be like: "wow, look at philandrjack he's such a violent kid". And like, nobody would acknowledge that some piece of shit was constantly abusing me.

How does this relate to the household? My two parents are what Harrington calls needy narcisisstic parents: they always did a lot of things for me, and overprotected me, but when I disagreed with them and wanted to do things my way they would tell me that I was not ready, that life was too difficult, that I was going to fail, and when I fought with them they would withdraw their love.


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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

no matter what I did I was always wrong


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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

Fearless said:


> That's because if you had dysfunctional parent(s) who emotionally abused you, then guilt becomes not a transient state with an actual reason which can be resolved, but something constant which you accept as something you ARE. Like, not that "I'm guilty for XY", but "I am guilty". Like, always. I am someone who is to blame, because I am bad. As a person.
> 
> I suffered from constant guilt and shame. I never ever got a good reaction from my father to anything I did, so I accepted that I am just guilty, in general. And if you're guilty, you don't stand up for yourself, because you believe that the other is right, and you deserve what you get.


wow, that is exactly how I feel. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, if you have disorganized attachment and narcisisstic parents, you constantly don't get the response you are longing for as a child. So i developed a sense of pride for always being a "low-maintenance" kid, who was always good at school, didn't have serious problems and didn't put a lot of requests on my parents. And now I think this is keeping me in DP because I feel guilt in opening myself and stating my opinion, like I feel guilty if I would want to finally express myself, because I learned as a kid that I had a better response if I was quiet and silent. Like my mother would call it "strenght" and "being altruistic" and "not being a weight on everybody" but what it really was is cowardice and neglect (it is something that runs deep in my family). DO you relate to the part where you thought that to be worthy you must not put too much emotional requests on you parents?

THanks


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Yes I definitely do to that last question. I was on the website lighthouse.org reading some articles in their blog and it said that if you act like that low maintenance type of person that you'll attract people in your life that are users and not there for you but if you speak up about your needs you'll attract people around you that are helpful and most importantly that you can count on which gives you security and eliminates the need for dp in most cases. I wish I could find the direct link but if you go on their website and read the articles you should come upon it. It was such a revelation for me to read that because my whole life I was taught that I needed to be a doormat in order to be 'tolerated' and not a human being with actual needs that I could express.


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## Guest (Jun 3, 2013)

I can identify with that, and I think it comes from a very tenuous access to any kind of approval or attention -emotional neglect, in other words. We become beggars for any scraps of affection.

An important step for me was realising that the part of me that resulted from it, that you might call guilt or shame, is an inhibiting mechanism intended to protect me from doing anything that might provoke disapproval or rejection. Seeing it this way, I could understand why it was doing it. That allowed me to view it more sympathetically, and that's a step to resolving the inner conflict and gaining access to these issues. This part of me that I'd hated, that had crippled me from living my life, was not the "enemy within" but was actually trying to protect me, and with the environment I grew up in, it couldn't have learned to be any other way.


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## Victor Ouriques (Jul 15, 2011)

philandrjack said:


> wow, that is exactly how I feel. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, if you have disorganized attachment and narcisisstic parents, you constantly don't get the response you are longing for as a child. So i developed a sense of pride for always being a "low-maintenance" kid, who was always good at school, didn't have serious problems and didn't put a lot of requests on my parents. And now I think this is keeping me in DP because I feel guilt in opening myself and stating my opinion, like I feel guilty if I would want to finally express myself, because I learned as a kid that I had a better response if I was quiet and silent. Like my mother would call it "strenght" and "being altruistic" and "not being a weight on everybody" but what it really was is cowardice and neglect (it is something that runs deep in my family). DO you relate to the part where you thought that to be worthy you must not put too much emotional requests on you parents?
> 
> THanks


WTF Man

That's just me!! I always got excelent grades in school,in everything,and I never asked gifts to my parents.Even on my birthday's I would say: "Nah,I need nothing."

I Even fear my parens to ask to go out in a party.I feel like I won't be the "perfect son" that never goes out,and obeys their parents.

Really,I'm very very very similar to you.


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## philandrjack (Feb 20, 2013)

Yeah it's the reaction to Disorganized Attachment. Harrington talks about it. If you have disorganized attachment your response to your parents ( and other people towards whom you later have a bond) is either compliant (like me and you) or defiant, where you have hostility towards your parents. I was always compliant because I felt guilty and scared that things didn't go well at home.


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## DarkMatter (Nov 18, 2011)

Wow this hits fucking home...

Fearless why are certain people so much more dependent on their parents than others? My sisters grew up with the same parents and don't have any sort of anxiety disorders at least not like mine. Although, they were older, had each other, and didn't have as much pressure from my dad.

Why are we so dependent on how are parents raised us? How do we break apart from this fearless? I know the root of my problem now so how do I fix it??


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## Guest (Jun 3, 2013)

DarkMatter said:


> Wow this hits fucking home...
> 
> Fearless why are certain people so much more dependent on their parents than others? My sisters grew up with the same parents and don't have any sort of anxiety disorders at least not like mine. Although, they were older, had each other, and didn't have as much pressure from my dad.
> 
> Why are we so dependent on how are parents raised us? How do we break apart from this fearless? I know the root of my problem now so how do I fix it??


I would add that people often point to one sibling being "well" and another having problems as a way of making an argument for one child having something in the genes etc. But this is a spurious argument because it supposes that because they had the same parents they were raised exactly the same, and I doubt that happens very often, if ever. For one thing, circumstances change at different times in life, and you've mentioned more pressure from your dad than your sisters may have had, and that they had each other.

There can be any number of different factors involved, including gender roles, and where you are born in the pecking order. For example, a first child maybe lavished on, and the next may not be such a novelty, or the opposite where the first born should be the responsible one and the next is indulged. Girls and boys may be treated differently. I read once that people starting families already have a blueprint of their children's roles before they are born, based on the family they grew up in. When I read this I compared my own "family unit" to my father's, and there are striking similarities in the roles of him and his sister, and those of mine and my brother. We were channelled in these different directions according to what was expected, of the older sibling and the younger one. This is very obvious in some families where different expectations fall on different children.

The trouble is that this rarely takes into account who we really are, our real abilities and personalities, and what we really need, and it can be suffocating to be crushed into a box that does not fit. Then we either break, buckle-under and accept our role, or we learn to find our own way and persevere, no matter what the pressure to be something that is more convenient to our family, but is not who we are.


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## chazhe (Nov 12, 2012)

Of course, parents and family environment is such a big influence. But we don't have to dig deep just to see how awful and mistaken our parents were at times. You can blame parents for as long as you want, but that will never result in healing. It is also good to look for strengths and positives, too and that doesn't mean ignoring the abuse or the shortcomings of your parents.


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## chazhe (Nov 12, 2012)

I just feel people are overly-focused on what went wrong, which is totally understandable, no judgment here. Everyone goes through this phase. But no matter how things happened, you need to find ways to fix it or make it better. We are so focused on the negatives here, and we can get stuck there. Please correct me if I am wrong.


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## Guest (Jun 4, 2013)

chazhe said:


> I just feel people are overly-focused on what went wrong, which is totally understandable, no judgment here. Everyone goes through this phase. But no matter how things happened, you need to find ways to fix it or make it better. We are so focused on the negatives here, and we can get stuck there. Please correct me if I am wrong.


I think people appear to be stuck on the negatives (myself included sometimes) is b/c, that's kind of like our starting point in recovering. Sometimes we remember certain things (particularly traumatic events) in our lives, that have had a huge influence on the way we think and feel now. Ways which can be very difficult to live with, like DP, anxiety, depression etc. Talking and writing about traumatic experiences are some of ways to process the trauma and heal from it, to 'defuse' it. I think this is a lot of what you see on this site and maybe it's good in the way that it helps people in that way?

Tho.. it can also be very triggering. This is where you get to make a choice. Do you want read it and maybe be triggered? or not? To tell the truth, for me it depends on what I'm looking for, but I don't always get it right! 

It's been incredibly important for me to remember and talk about what happened to me as a child. A lot of it's very traumatic and needs to be processed in a healthy way. Chances are, a lot of people here have never talked about or even hardly remembered any of this in our lives until recently, and it's been sitting there inside, eating us up, even if we didn't know it. And we reach the point where we feel the need to let it out! To get it 'out' of ourselves.

chazhe.. I agree it's not the best idea to be stuck in the negative stuff. You've still gotta go out and try to live some sort of 'normal' life and get away from the negative stuff sometimes. Believe me, I know that's easier said than done tho. I seem to get little 'windows' where things are relatively quiet and I'm ok and not bogged down by the past and i can go out and enjoy things.... and then whammo!! I'm hit by more trauma memories to deal with... sigh.. But you know what? The more I work on trauma recovery the longer those 'windows' seem to be...


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## Cotillion (Oct 23, 2012)

Wow, that website and this thread is pure gold, I can relate to so many things mentioned here.



Phantasm said:


> We originally did it because of prolonged and inescapable stress, usually in childhood, where, as dependants, we couldn't just walk away. So we learned to segregate ourselves from the pain and fear, just to cope and get by. On top of this, we might also have been criticised for "being silly" or "weak" if we felt or showed distress, so we might even be taught to do this by others. It's not living, it's surviving, and it's not a happy existence. Then we get older and perhaps circumstances change, but nothing is resolved because we are still closed to ourselves. Whenever that pain rears up, we shut it down immediately without thinking, but it's still there, and we are still suffering.
> 
> But habits can be changed, and just as we learned to close off from ourselves and everything else we can learn the opposite.


Yes, absolutely, I experienced pain in two fronts: school and home, or maybe even three, if I take the time I spent with my friends or "friends" into account, but the latter wasn't that traumatizing since I always had the option of walking away. Problems at school and home on the other hand were, they were so immense that the only thing I could do was to become a closed person, to separate myself from the outside world, and simply survive. The interesting thing is that I never experienced depersonalization during that time, even during the most fucked up shit. But I guess that's pain is just cumulative or something.



Fearless said:


> I can definetely relate to toxic shame. I had excessive shame, from childhood, and at one point, it became totally "automatic". That means, I no longer actually knew why I was feeling shame, it became fixed, and became a part of me, instead of a transient feeling with a certain reason. When I was around 22, the shame got totally out of control. I could feel shame for the most idiotic and irrational reasons.
> 
> Depersonalization is actually pathological adaptations to our childhood enviroment. Fixed habits we didn't release, and which are outdated, and no longer needed.
> 
> ...


Yes, same here. Essentially, I was (or probably still am) ashamed of my entire existence. Whenever I was in the company of people I would always put on this fake face, I would be very closed because of the things I experienced, I had done and what I was like in general (I considered myself to be a worthless piece of shit who did not deserve anything). I would state my opinion when it was needed, but only if it didn't challenge anybody or led me into conflict. Mind you it was really easy to meet people since everyone considered me to be this quiet niceguy, however, becoming close with someone was nearly impossible, and that's one of the main reasons why I have only a few close friends -- they are the ones that know my weaknesses and what I'm like on the inside. I remember that even a year ago or so I was thinking something in the vain of "damn I'm awesome, I only know 2 people who I consider to be my enemies". Now I've realized what a bullshit opinion that was about myself. Like no shit that I don't have many enemies if I'm this manipulative niceguy who doesn't know how to stand up for himself. The negative parts of yourself are actually what make you cool. what make you human, what give you character - not something to be terribly ashamed of.

At least your father showed you a tiny amount of love, mine didn't. My father is simply incapable of direct, honest communication with me. I think he might love me, but he doesn't know how to state it, my communication with him is very limited. I'm a stranger to him and he is a stranger to me. During my 24 years of existence I've never received any compliments or anything from him, except for material things (money, books, funding my studies etc). The only time when he would open up, would be when he was drunk. I don't really want to go on a rant and start screaming that I hate my father, and he should die a horrible death and so on, because it is not entirely his fault either. He simply adopted that behavior from his dad, my granddad. A few months ago my mom described that my father's relationship with his father was EXACTLY the same. It was both shocking and enlightening to hear that.



AlexFromPT said:


> Ok, just realized my body issues are related this. Thanks a lot.
> 
> Edit. Just wanted to add that, in my case, it wasnt my family that called me fat, unnatractive or chubby. The people who treated me this way were basically friends. Slowly, constant emotional abuse. Interpersonal trauma.


Body issues are fucking huge for me as well. Since I was terribly unathletic, I was bullied to kingdom fuck because of that. That in turn made me hate myself a lot. I wasn't fat, but I was really thin and really weak (couldn't do a single pull-up, only a few pushups etc). In general, I was terrible at sports and gym classes were beyond awful for me. They were the most traumatizing because there I simply humiliated myself for like 12 years straight. It is probably the most painful experience for me, it hurts so much just to think about it. That is one of the sources of unbelievable or even intolerable amount of shame and pain in me. That lead me to think that I'm fundamentally broken, which in turn generated massive anxiety in me.

My family did not abuse me that directly. I can only remember my dad calling me a nerd once when he was drunk, and not directly to my face. The abuse I suffered from my parents was mostly a combination of neglect (from my father) and overprotection (from my mother). I really don't know which part of that combination is worse. Because of neglect, my dad didn't teach me anything a dad should do. I remember I learned to swim on my own in like 5th grade or something, and to this day I'm a really bad swimmer. If I remember correctly I even had to learn how to tie fucking shoelaces fairly late, because my parents didn't bother me to teach that. There are loads of things I can mention that they didn't do, but this should give you a picture already.



missjess said:


> Fearless I too had excessive shame it was at the core of my being, it was the motive behind every behavior, shame is behind codependency, not standing up for yourself, body image problems, low self esteem. I like to call it "the monster inside"
> 
> I think in people's with DP"s case the shame is so excessive and high that one must split off from that pain hence the DP


Absolutely, that's the exactly the same for me. My entire existence created, or even still creates this huge amount of shame, pain and anxiety, which resulted in dp.



missjess said:


> Your parents set you up to get bullied, by the time you entered school you had already been conditioned to be weak and most likely people pleasing


That's something that is good to know to be honest. I remember Harrington's program had this exercise where one has to make a list of shameful things, and the most things I'm shameful of, aren't or weren't really my fault. If I think about my school years, the reason why I was bullied was because no one taught me how to stand up for myself and be myself - it wasn't exactly my fault.


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## Cotillion (Oct 23, 2012)

Fearless said:


> Cotillion, you see, this is the reason I started to take this emotional abuse seriously about a year ago. I saw that these kind of similarities couldn't be a coincidence. I believe this feeling of worthlessness, shame, and an overall feeling of not being important is the result of neglect.


I agree, it's without a doubt the most serious aspect of developing dp. Not just dp, but mental illnesses and other ailments in general (alcoholism, drug addiction etc). And you know, it's comforting to know why I feel like I feel and I behave like this.

I wonder what would have happened to me when I wouldn't have got dp...


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## AlexFromPT (Jun 26, 2011)

Id rather "have" dp than not having it. Its the key to freedom. Its the only mental state that makes you realize how fucked up you are and kinda motivates you to work on yourself. If you know what I mean. Meh been getting a LOT of mood swings lately.


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## Cotillion (Oct 23, 2012)

Fearless said:


> Yeah, DP is like a message from your body that says "AAAREEE YOU FUCKIIN SEERIOUUS????" haha


That's what I've been thinking about lately. On the one hand, dp and all the other anxiety symptoms I have are so fucking annoying. Especially now that summer has arrived and everything is just so beautiful, but I simply cannot connect with it. 

But on the other hand, if I hadn't delved into the issue of emotional abuse, then I never would have found out about those problems that have been haunting me my entire life. Now that would have had awful consequences, I probably would have ended up abusing something in one form or another. I doubt I would have created a dysfunctional family on my own, since I don't really want to marry or have kids. I just don't see myself as a family man. There are other things in my life that satisfy me much more.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless said:


> Cotillion, you see, this is the reason I started to take this emotional abuse seriously about a year ago. I saw that these kind of similarities couldn't be a coincidence. I believe this feeling of worthlessness, shame, and an overall feeling of not being important is the result of neglect.


And in turn we learn to neglect ourself, we neglect our feelings & needs resulting in DEPERSONALIZATION


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## Cotillion (Oct 23, 2012)

For the past week or so I've analyzed how much shame and fear influence my daily actions, and it's freaking huge. Actually, I started doing that just a few days before reading this article. You know, no wonder, it's called "toxic shame". It influences how I think, what I fear, what I do and where I go.


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## Guest (Jun 7, 2013)

Our perspective and interpretation are always so important in these things. We can build such dark mountains on these feelings, but when you know that when you feel guilt and shame it isn't a reflection on you, that it's not because you are a bad person, but that it is a mechanism that developed to prevent you from behaviours that would result in getting hurt because of the negative reactions -or inactions- of those that were supposed to nurture you, then you can start to see it differently and understand it.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Overcoming disorganized attachment is the key. The only way to do this is to take care of your own needs AND deal with people who are willing and able to take care of your needs. Needs have to be taken seriously and can't be half assed. We are all textbook codependent cases due to our childhood struggles and family ties. We were/are getting our needs met but with major strings attached or they are/were not getting met at all. Breaking away to heal is impossible when there is no support because attachment needs are triggered yet again and then dp kicks in but it's the only real solution so we need to find the means to get our security back. It begins with focusing on yourself. You literally almost have to turn into a narcissist to cure yourself, that's the paradox of it all.


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## Andre (Jun 2, 2013)

missjess everything you said here is gold, thx!


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Welcome guys


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## sb87 (Apr 16, 2013)

thanks so much for posting this. this thread is amazing.

dp is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, and now it's actually the best thing that's happened to me. i'm a people pleaser, my dad thinks im worthless because i don't wanna get a degree. i've basically stopped talking to my parents since last month and life has improved, its weird but needed, i'll call on special occasions, but they no longer dictate what the fuck happens to me. i'm a stand up comedian who should be much further in the business, but because of past stress, fear and opinions of my parents i didn't take it seriously. since having DP and almost fully recovered, i'm now getting booked at comedy clubs in NYC and having a great response onstage.

WORK ON YOURSELF, FIGURE OUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU. IT TAKES TIME, BUT YOU CAN BEAT THIS BLESSING IN DISGUISE.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

You need to think about why our syndrome has been coined depersonalization in the first place to not lose sight of how to cure yourself. Always remember, it has to do with integrating all the parts of yourself and that begins with acceptance. The biggest hindrance to your self acceptance is yourself, but that is fueled by being in an environment where you are made to feel that who you are is never good enough. Being perpetually pissed off at perpetrators of your misery is not a solution to dp, but using the anger to fuel positive changes is. It's about realizing you'll never get the approval/unconditional love you want from the people you want it from and somehow creating a secure base for yourself despite this.


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## flat (Jun 18, 2006)

I'm just a little unsure of the process of recovery everyone is talking about here. Yes many of us here has had our share of psychological stuff like bullying and social anxiety. Our parents may not have treated us that well either. So somehow we split from our past self thinking we were to blame. But if we now come to the realization that we're not bad and begin a voyage of self-love will dp and dr suddenly lift? When our emotions come flooding back what will be different about us? Will we feel "stronger" or more self-assertive than before? Will all our former anxieties be gone? Will we even recognize ourselves?

Also, just wondering about what you may think what happened to me when the one and only time my dp/dr lifted momentarily was when I smoked some pot. Was my brain chemistry corrected briefly? Or did something psychological happen? The funny thing was I don't remember ruminating and having some deep and profound personal insight to my dp/dr. I was just relaxing with some friends.


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## XBrave (Oct 28, 2016)

THIS THREAD IS ME :-o :idea: :idea: WTF!!!! i can relate to almost everything in here. Is it just some random bullshit? Is it just a big random Coincident? nah i don't think so. Bullying, emotional neglect, self-doubt, self-hatred, SHAME, ...

People please read the thread and see if you can relate. I always knew DP had psychological roots, it would present itself physically and affect Central Nervous System though...


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## Saschasascha (Dec 17, 2015)

Site isn't up anymore but the topic is as relevant as ever!


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