# Update



## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

How's it going everyone? I just recieved a new job, so I haven't been doing much in the area for recovery from DP. I know I'm just pushing it off, but I came to a realization a few days ago that during each of my "breakdowns" (which is that super dark scary ass repressed emotion that creeps up from your gut that Fearless speaks of), I was in the process of quitting smoking. I've come to the realization through some of my journaling that I not only have a physical addiction to nicotine, but also an emotional one. Each cigarette I smoke keeps my emotions at bay and represses them. Knowledge is great, but it also requires to take action. So I am quitting again, and when my emotions rise up through journaling and education of Fearless' knowledge (which for those of you who didn't know, is really just Harris Harringtons program wrapped up in a blog) I will know what to do, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.


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## CorbinTalbot (Nov 10, 2013)

Any improvements on actual recovery dude? How long you had dp/dr?


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

Hey man, I'm doing better. Still in the process of educating myself, but I'm still pretty depersonalized. I've had moments where the 2D effect has gone away, but comes back suddenly. I'm still pretty disconnected, but I personally believe I have found the right room, if you will. We are all searching for that answer of why we became depersonalized, or at least we should be. Most of us spend our time on the internet searching for a diagnosis, only to leave us with feelings of being the only person with this disorder. Once I hit the drawing board and analyzed my thoughts, feelings, and behavior leading up to the moment I was hit with depersonalization, I started laughing at how simple it was.

Basically we find ourselves in this position where we want a one size fits all glove in order to overcome DP. Well Fearless, along with Harris Harrington have all the information you need to overcome it. The only bad part about listening to Fearless, is that we listen to his specific situation and apply it to ourselves. Even though the concepts are the same for each of us (repressed emotions), the events aren't the same. His core issues, may deal with his father. Yes, but our core issues don't have to. Even though our parents are responsible for us acquiring a disorganized attachment, it's hard to get pissed at an action that happened when we were 1-3 years old, because we actually cannot remember that event since our brains weren't developed at that point in time. The key is understanding the dysfunction in our personal lives that caused us to repress our emotions in the first place.

If there is something painful in your life that you avoid, go towards it. For me I was made fun of for a specific part of my body that I was ashamed of and embarrased of. So what did I do? I avoided all situations that would avoid that particular body part. I avoided swimming, intimacy, and social engagement. I repressed all sorts of joy, fun, and happiness by avoiding. I noticed I still obsess about it to this day. There are other things about me that I am still getting to the root of, but my major a hah moment was when I realized the only two times I had my repressed emotions come up was when I quit smoking cigarettes. The cigarettes gave me a calming effect. It wasn't really the cigarettes it was just what I used to "cope" or in a much more honest light "suppress."

When I became very stressed during a particular situation I didn't have my "security blanket" or cigarettes, so all my emotions surfaced and I thought I was going crazy. I went to google, couldn't find an answer, went to mental health professionals, couldn't find an answer, so I was placed in inpatient still with no answers. Not realizing that if I just let the emotions be and flow through me I would have come out on the other side "repersonalized." But it's easier said than done, becacuse it was fucking terrifying. So what did I do? I started to smoke again and dip again, not knowing that all I was doing was repressing.

My plan of action? TO STOP USING EXTERNAL MEANS FOR SELF WORTH AND RELAXATION. #1 IS TO STOP SMOKING CIGARETTES AND CAFFEINE and utilize the best piece of advice I was given, "Do nothing." Don't think, don't believe the energy release is you going crazy, just know that all the bullshit I put up on a shelf is still real to this day and needs to be address and overcome.

I hope this resonates with someone and can help them. The ironic part? I'm typing this as I smoke a cigarette. Tomorrow is beginning when I see my way out of this BS. Cheers.


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## followme (Mar 23, 2013)

Oh yeah, and just because an addiction is "socially acceptable," doesn't mean it isn't an issue in your life. For example tobacco, nicotine, pornography, masturbation, addicted to fixing other peoples problems (co-dependency), body dysmorphic disorder (obsessed with a particular aspect of yourself) that leads to compulsive exercising, and other shit. Acknowledge it, take action, and realize that someone lied to you.


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