# Peaceful dude from Brooklyn :D DP best n worst thing ever



## HippieDude (Mar 22, 2009)

Hello fellow DP sufferer's this Is my first post on this forum even though I have been lurking about for quite some time. 
My personal story of DP must begin with my life as a young boy. My father was a schizophrenic and my mother was not. I never experienced DP In my life until the magical age of 18. I can be described as being a regular dude from Brooklyn living life the Brooklyn way. Hanging out and going to Coney Island was the thing (It still Is) to do during the hot summer days with your friends to go pick up girls, cool off in the water , play sports with your friends or just go hang out. At the age of 16 I started smoking marijuana and had been smoking for about 2 years with my friends. Those two years of smoking marijuana of mine were the typical teenage years of a New York youth that can be seen In these movies focused on teenage life in NY.( way to live up to the stereotype eh? lol ) I do notice while smoking marijuana I developed into a very mean person towards everyone while I was not high. I was very mean when I did not have my fix of my drug. I was addicted but in denial. I was a idiot by not knowing that smoking marijuana or drinking..... while having a parent who has paranoid schizophrenia was a bad idea. I never heard of anything bad happening to people who smoke marijuana that is why I started smoking....( Oh the Irony ). The biggest problem I believe was that the amount of marijuana I was smoking. My friends who are "potheads" called me a "pothead". I used to smoke 40 piece of Sour Diesel every night solo for about 2 years and smoke with friends throughout the day. The numbers I was putting up were probably numbers that Bob Marley would be proud of (not saying In any way shape or form that I would of been able to "out smoke" Bob Marley) ( BTW - "out smoking" is so lame.... people just want to get high who cares If you can smoke more or not). 
One day In the summer I remember after smoking a regular 40 piece of sour diesel solo I went back home, Got myself a nice bowl of cereal and proceeded to watch the movie Clerks. (this became a ritual  ). I remember sitting there and thinking about my friends life for some reason..... I began to wonder how is life will be.... and everything was happy and funny until I realized one day he was going to die..... and that one day I was going to die ( now this never scared me before. I was an agnostic at that time.(Atheist now  ) I did not think or need to think about death. I did not know what happens and did not care what happens when one dies.) I will never forget what happened then... lets see....the....no.no........how did it go...... Jk lol. I experienced my first Vertigo Zoom and I totally freaked out. The walls felt like they were closing In on me. I felt like the distance between my room was lightyears... I felt as though I was an ant infront of my eye and everything was in a galaxy far far away. All symptoms of DP kicked in my heart was beating 50 beats a second and Believed I was having a heart attack and was going to die. I was so freaked out by realizing that i was going to die.... even though everyone knows this... These DP thoughts I was having were irrational thoughts which made no sense.... but they still scared the living day light out of me!! after the marijuana high wore off the DP wore off...... (lucky me eh? not quite......) being a dumb idiot I actually said to myself....... "This must happen to everyone" and I ignored It and kept smoking for about 2months more. Everytime I would smoke I would have a DP experience high.... And I would ignore It. I smoke marijuana.......but not for the same reason as I started.... when I began smoking. I smoked for fun, I had a good time. Now I had a bad time and I still smoked. I cut down on marijuana because of the DP!!! but still smoked everyday!!!(picked up smoking menthol cigs to get me more high because of me smoking less marijuana). Wow I was dumb....
I remember the last time I smoked marijuana before all hell went loose. Me and my friend smoked marijuana and I started going on my DP trip. but this time after the high wore off....... my DP did not ( this was because of course I was a moron.... and having 10anxiety attacks a day would cause some serious damage to your nervous system plus the marijuana causing a chemical inbalance..... but I did not know or really care at that time....... hey as far as I knew..... Marijuana never did anything bad).
I remember telling my mom that I thought I was going to die.... and she is a nurse and asked me If i had smoked marijuana because she had patients I later on found out that had anxiety attacks and came to the hospital because of it. I said I have and she gave me the biggest slap and biggest hug of my life  lol . My mom told me right away that my father was a schizophrenic and people who's parents have a mental illness have about 50% chance to develop a mental disorder by using drugs ( thankfully I never went about my fantasy of trying LSD). I mean the funniest thing of all is I remember as soon as I knew I had DP the same day.... I discovered a bunch of people just like me who have DP from marijuana ( the truth is hard to find when you are not looking for It ). I am now 20 years old I feel as though I am fully back to normal thanks to my doctor who gave me Zoloft, I quit smoking cigs and marijuana.... I drink when I go to parties (no problems with drinking). 
Worst thing I would have to say about DP is the ANXIETY that comes along with It. If it was only DP that I would experience then would would of been a good high. But DP + Anxiety is what makes it the worst. DP is a form of an anxiety disorder so I cannot experience it without feeling Anxiety.... and we all hate anxiety dudes  . I am now back to my peaceful ways......I never take things to serious.........I love life........ I love being able to go outside and just look at the stars and think I wonder what happens when you die........... and coming back with the answer I dont know....... without crapping my pants with a horrible DP trip.

DP now feels like a weird weird WEIRD point in my life...... I would never wish DP on my worst enemy... But I am so happy I had DP... It is the best and worst experience of my life. Best as In I was able to come back to a normal life and realized not to take anything for granted including my sanity, gave me a actually understanding of what the term crazy means, made me realize religion knows nothing of this life.... And the bad would have to be..... me thinking that I went crazy...... and my irrational thoughts and of course being ZONED out of my own body and reality..... Nothing more do hate then that vertigo zoom thingy!!! lol . Life is so mysterious dudes......wow.....I love it I cannot belief I can look back at this point and experience in my life and laugh about It when only a couple of years ago I thought my life was over and I was crazy. I will leave with a quote from Apocalypse now " I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving. "


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Great post. Ive heard about the Sour Diesel in New York, and Im from Sweden 

what do you mean by a 40 piece? surely you cannot have been smoking 40grams a day, you mustve meant dollars. How much Sour does 40bucks get you in the states? just curious. Anyways, back on topic.

I find it amazing how your DP/DR just went completely away from Zoloft, was this the case? If so I need to try me some Zoloft (If i havent already, cant remember).

Anyways keep staying away from drugs/weed, I know its hard, I wish every day that i was off meds and mentally stable so i could smoke some weed, as it is truly great and therapeutic under the right circumstances.

Cya around.


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

No clinician would have ever diagnosed you with DPD, although what you had definitely sounds like a DP experience. In order to be diagnosed you'd have to have been drug-free for at least six months. The pot was fuucking killing you, dude. Anyone whose DP developed after drug use should STOP.

I've been experiencing sober episodes of DP/DR since last year and even my psychiatrist is hesitant to acknowledge my experience as depersonalization, although he admits I'm definitely experiencing it some of the time. Drugs do weird things to you; that's why we take them. Unfortunately some of us react much more strongly than others.

As for the statistics about inheriting mental disorders, I've included a table below that gives figures for heritability of schizophrenia:









Drug use may or may not make it more likely for one to develop a disorder if they are predisposed. The official stance is that it speeds onset, but the disorder probably would have emerged eventually anyways.


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## ChampionSocks (Mar 10, 2009)

Hi egodeath, I was just wondering if you have tried weed while having DP/DR, if so did it make it worse? and did it wore off or your DP/DR came back to more moderate levels after a while?


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

I've smoked pot once since DP and it was terrible, but I was back to "normal" after a good night's sleep. I smoked salvia twice, not so horrible, but definitely increased feelings of insanity. Cocaine, dexedrine, pain killers, and alcohol are usually fine, although the hangover from a heavy night of drinking will make me more DP'd. Recreational drugs that don't really screw with your thoughts are the way to go if you need to get messed up and don't want to feel worse.


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## RaoulDuke (Mar 17, 2009)

all Im going to say right now because Im tired is that smoking weed helped trigger my DP/DR 5 years ago. I stopped smoking weed for 3 years and the DP/DR pretty much became non existant in my life and even when it did return it was brief and easy to deal with. For the last two years Ive been smoking weed again and as of right now the DP/DR is back full force along with OCD.

to keep this short my point here is.... IF YOU HAVE DP/DR SYMPTOMS DUE TO MARIJUANA OR TRIGGERED BY MARIJUANA or pretty much any other drug, DO NOT RETURN TO DRUG USEAGE.

Take that advice from someone who messed up and knows first hand.


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## HippieDude (Mar 22, 2009)

Inzom

"what do you mean by a 40 piece? surely you cannot have been smoking 40grams a day, you mustve meant dollars."

Yep, 40piece as In 40$ worth.

" How much Sour does 40bucks get you in the states? just curious. Anyways, back on topic."

Well a dub($20) should be 1gram regardless of the weed you buy...Except Regs which would be 2grams for 20$, plus they make deal like 30piece for 25$, Expensive but Its the city.....

" I find it amazing how your DP/DR just went completely away from Zoloft, was this the case? "
Well Zoloft alone wont help anyone that much... for example, I used to be very active In sports before DP.... and after I got DP I was afraid to go outside and saw no point In playing sports because of my thoughts... I used to think whats the point of playing or doing anything Im going to die anyway one day....Which It Is true.......but irrational...(Plus that zooming away thingy!! which was so freaky!!, and the anxiety)I couldn't enjoy myself. Zoloft helped me be able to push through that wave to get back to normal....you have to do something or have and activity outside or with people... This is what I experienced which helped me get back to normal.... I was never a loner.... but with DP I became completely alone and once I began talking and hanging out with people while taking zoloft and playing sports and just doing what I used to do before DP.... It went away...... this took some months. The first month of doing my old activities were not that enjoyable because of the DP still being present...but not in the levels that I was paralyzed and would be afraid to go outside.

I should also add I tried other medication "Abilify......... that only made my DP worse..."(Abilify did not work for me. It might work for you) Thats why when we start talking anti-depressants to restore the chemical imbalance they start us off with a very tiny amount of the medication to see how we will react to It. Zoloft was the one that helped me. If you try medications just don't get depressed If your medications doesn't help right away because we all react to meds differently. Lucky for me It took only one medication switch to get the one that helped me.


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## HippieDude (Mar 22, 2009)

egodeath

Thanks for the chart!! very interesting and helpful!!

So if I understand correctly since I have a sister and one parent Is Skitzo.... I have a 15% chance??


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Yep. And usually in males the disorder develops by age 21. Females develop schizophrenia by age 40. If you're not psychotic yet, you're probably good money.


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## HippieDude (Mar 22, 2009)

Thats great!! one month till 21...... then time to bring out..... Shrooms,Lsd and some crack........ lol jk

Thankfully won't be following my fathers footsteps of being a paranoid skitzo........ who doesn't believe in medicine and believes doing heroin is fun...


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

HippieDude said:


> Thats great!! one month till 21...... then time to bring out..... Shrooms,Lsd and some crack........ lol jk
> 
> Thankfully won't be following my fathers footsteps of being a paranoid skitzo........ who doesn't believe in medicine and believes doing heroin is fun...


No! Drugs are bad!

*psst* Bring some for me.

How's NY doing these days?


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## HippieDude (Mar 22, 2009)

haha

How's NY doing these days? People are still pretentious and mean :/ I don't belong here anymore seriously. Welcome to New York City the Epicenter of Shit ....... lol

Seriously I can't take much more of these pretentious meanies!! the same people who wear sunglasses at 8pm when Its raining and they look down at you..... or god forbid you make eye contact with them..... everyone thinks you want to fight.... NY Is still pretty much NY


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## HippieDude (Mar 22, 2009)

And just to add..... A pizza slice is now 2.50$!!!!


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

Balls. And they're uping the subway fare soon.

I still miss it anyways. Between NY and Washington DC, I'll take NY any day.


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## HippieDude (Mar 22, 2009)

Not to mention....... 10$ for cigs for smokers


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

HippieDude said:


> Not to mention....... 10$ for cigs for smokers


Yeah that's rough.


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