# Do you have a hard time telling therapist everything?



## christy (Dec 19, 2010)

I don't have the courage to tell my therapist my most darkest secrets. And I don't mean things like suicidal thoughts or morbid bouts of depression, but the really horrific, twisted stuff of my childhood. She knows a lot about my traumatic experiences, but I've always left out some specific memories. I've seen multiple therapists and have never told any of them. I really like this new therapist though, and I feel like I should spill my guts. But at the same time, I LIKE her, so I don't want her to judge me. It's really stupid I know, but I feel as if I tell her, she'll think I'm disgusting, freakish, and strange. Of course I understand the sexual abuse wasn't my fault, but I still feel embarrassed.

I feel like my therapist mostly deals with more "normal" problems, like depression or marriages falling apart or eating disorders. Of course I know all those problems are awful, but they don't seem as "gross" or "weird." I easily talk about my depression and eating disorder, but I still can't find the courage to talk about the other stuff. I am just so afraid she'll judge me. STUPID and irrational I know, but I can't help it. Do you guys think it's important to tell your therapist absolutely everything? If so, do you ever have a hard time doing it?


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## Teresa (Nov 23, 2009)

When I started seing my therapist she had ONE condition.

I had to teld the truth about everything. She said that she could not help me if I was not 100% honest.

So I tell her everything... and I mean everything, all my deepest darkest secrets, that I wouldnt even tell my best freind.... And so should you. When you say that u are afraid that she will judge you, tells me that you really need to talk about what has happend. Believe me... she has heard it all before. AND she has read about it... Just tell her. Its for your own good. Tell her also that you were/are afraid that she would judge you. She will se it as a breakthrough in your therapy... and so should you









Good luck


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

christy said:


> I don't have the courage to tell my therapist my most darkest secrets. And I don't mean things like suicidal thoughts or morbid bouts of depression, but the really horrific, twisted stuff of my childhood. She knows a lot about my traumatic experiences, but I've always left out some specific memories. I've seen multiple therapists and have never told any of them. I really like this new therapist though, and I feel like I should spill my guts. But at the same time, I LIKE her, so I don't want her to judge me. It's really stupid I know, but I feel as if I tell her, she'll think I'm disgusting, freakish, and strange. Of course I understand the sexual abuse wasn't my fault, but I still feel embarrassed.
> 
> I feel like my therapist mostly deals with more "normal" problems, like depression or marriages falling apart or eating disorders. Of course I know all those problems are awful, but they don't seem as "gross" or "weird." I easily talk about my depression and eating disorder, but I still can't find the courage to talk about the other stuff. I am just so afraid she'll judge me. STUPID and irrational I know, but I can't help it. Do you guys think it's important to tell your therapist absolutely everything? If so, do you ever have a hard time doing it?


*I feel like my therapist mostly deals with more "normal" problems*

This is probably true of many clients. Hopefully (wishful thinking), few of us have been badly abused.

*she'll think I'm disgusting, freakish, and strange*

No therapist worth anything would think such. She has probably heard it all.

*Do you guys think it's important to tell your therapist absolutely everything?*

No. Time does not permit. There is no need to OCD about it either. What is needed is relief/solution. But never lie or mislead. If you are uncomfortable, say so - likely this will lead to whatever is necessary to discuss (now or later).

You don't have to tell your therapist all the gory details. How many times, positions, situations, time and duration of each incident, etc. They only need a general understanding of what has happened - and more important, how you are reacting/dealing with it. Granted, if you hide too much, they could be limited in understanding you. But a good therapist will see far more than you say anyway.

*If so, do you ever have a hard time doing it?*

The hardest thing is not being believed or 'accepted' when discussing such. Keeping it hidden is usually a key feature of what happen to us and what our abusers wanted and programmed in us. And many people like to believe the world is a nicer place than it has been.

*the really horrific, twisted stuff of my childhood*

I've limited this. If it were detailed here, I would be banned. Some of what has happened is too difficult even for my therapists to absorb. Only my partner knows (it is fortunate to have such a partner) but it would not be fair to the relationship to use her as a therapist, so I don't.

People react in many different ways. Some Vietnam vets seem to do pretty well, whereas many have ruined lives. You never know how much or how little will break a person. Also, a really ugly thing may be viewed as par-for-the-course. Whereas often some little thing that you don't react all that strongly too turns out to be very helpful.

So focus on that fact you have found someone you like. Speak as much as you feel comfortable with. Try to remember key points of each session and review them - it is easy to get caught up in the need to blurt it all out (which is good) and forget to listen and apply.

Wish you success in your treatments


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

If you like her I think you should take the risk, I expect you will feel vulnerable if you do this so if I were you I would ask the therapist after you do straight up if she is judging you, otherwise I find in my experience your imagination fills the uncertainty with negative assumptions. If you do get judged just leave.

I think I should follow my own advice sometime


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## christy (Dec 19, 2010)

Teresa said:


> If you like her I think you should take the risk, I expect you will feel vulnerable if you do this so if I were you I would ask the therapist after you do straight up if she is judging you, otherwise I find in my experience your imagination fills the uncertainty with negative assumptions. If you do get judged just leave.
> 
> I think I should follow my own advice sometime


Thank you everyone for the responses. I will try to brave and talk to my therapist next week. Thanks again


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