# dating and depersonalization...click here!



## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

I have been living with this feeling for years. It can be really lonely. How can a person meet other people on this site? I can't imagine I'm the only one who feels alone through this thing. I mean I would love to meet others who struggle with this symptom just to connect and maybe this would be a way for this disorder to gain more recognition. Should there be a dating section on this site? It just makes sense.


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## Guest (Dec 1, 2009)

Some have dated others, it doesn't necessarily make anything easier, perhaps it makes it even harder. What if one of the persons recovered and the other did not, what then?


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## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

What if two people who felt really alone and misunderstood met and made a connection? Just because a person gets better doesn't mean that another person is going to leave them. I thnk my idea should really be explored.


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## Guest (Dec 1, 2009)

Yes,

Sorry to rain on your parade. I think it's a good idea come to think of it.


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## FoXS (Nov 4, 2009)

sorry, doesn't work - unfortunately, i live too far away from you.


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## Guest (Dec 1, 2009)

So so far away :evil:


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

I would like to start an in person support/friendship group in my area near Harrisburg, PA, (USA), since that's a good way to meet other DP's without the jitters of the dating scene. A dating type thread would really be nice, too, since I can't find anyone locally to date who understands where I've been with this thing. I feel as if I share a kinship personality type with people here on this forum. It's a lonely life, and has been a disaster dating "normal" people who don't have a clue why I need my quiet time. I feel very different from the rest of the population--thus, cannot relate to the outside world.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

More IRL-meetups would indeed be a great thing. Hell if a forum for "The Big Lebowski" fans can do it, so can we. A documentary was made about it - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1276475/


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

it's never a good idea to date someone BECAUSE they are this way. love them for who they are and if they have dp, then hey cool. you can deal with it together. it's just a very dumb idea to date someone for the sole purpose of both sharing dp. that's not a basis for a relationship. also, i find that looking for relationships never really goes well. people come into your life when you aren't expecting it and that is usually when the most beautiful connections come around. and honestly, people are all people in the end, depersonalized or not. that's not to say that there can't be a special connection between dped people. because there can be and i've felt it. it's just there's so much more intricate and wonderful connections in a relationship besides dp and those should be celebrated.


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## Guest (Dec 2, 2009)

Rebekah I like how you said we are a kinship. I feel that way too, and I know most if not all of you do too. Lots of talk about starting our own village...if it hasn't already begun halolha

The Big Lebowski..documentary..relationships... I thought I heard it all!

Well said Peachy, well said. Here's a cookie.. :twisted:


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

ps: sorry. i didn't mean to rain on your parade. please do meet up with people. it would be a great experience!


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## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

Peachyderanged, hi I think you totally misunderstood my post.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

okay cool. you're not the first person to mention this idea and i just wanted people to see the other side of it.


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## Speechless (Nov 23, 2009)

umm an intimate relationship does not exist for me right now because adding the weight of a relationship to DP is near impossible for me to deal with. One thing at a time for me. :lol:


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## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

I posted this 24 hours ago and it already has 80 views. Obviously other people find it interesting.


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

DP folks seem to be a creative bunch and that appeals to me. I still believe we DPers have lots in common since our brains work--or don't on any given day--in similar fashion. Now to find someone who is over 40? Now that seems impossible . . . Who has some workable ideas about starting some meetup online? I like the idea of meeting a friend, for me of the opposite sex, and see where it goes. "Dating" never worked for me. I'll certainly keep my eyes open for any surprise encounter. I did that with my neighbor and it turned into a nightmare relationship. No more dating the neighbors, but then, again?


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## Guest (Dec 3, 2009)

guyinterrupted said:


> I posted this 24 hours ago and it already has 80 views. Obviously other people find it interesting.


It could be the "...click here!" part. That sort of makes you think of a Purple Elephant.. with stripes like a zebra, and it probably tastes like chicken.


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## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

Your really a negative person.


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## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

Rebekah,

Hey thanks for your reply. It's cool your open to the possibilities. Take care.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

guyinterrupted said:


> Your really a negative person.


He really is not.


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## rob35235 (Feb 21, 2009)

I have actually daydreamed about what it'd be like to have someone else who fully understands you to lean on day to day, in person, not just online. The #1 problem is obviously geography...well, plus my girlfriend may get pissed.


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## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

Rob, hey I think I've been daydreaming about the same thing for a long time too. I guess I find comfort in knowing someone who completely understands. Thanks for sharing.


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## Guest (Dec 4, 2009)

Thanks Inzom,

And let me parlay for a moment here and rephrase my stance on this thread:

Simply put, DPeople are in a word: Sexy.

Peace.


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## Guest (Dec 4, 2009)

If only I weren't turned into a raccoon then maybe I'd have a real chance here.


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## DemonBlood (May 3, 2009)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> If only I weren't turned into a raccoon then maybe I'd have a real chance here.


How do you think I feel? When people look at me they scream "I see a butterfly! No wait, a black and white elephant! Cow?".


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## Absentis (Jul 10, 2007)

guyinterrupted said:


> Your really a negative person.


My negative person what?


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## JumpJump (Jun 24, 2009)

Grammer joke ftw.


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## Guest (Dec 4, 2009)

DemonBlood said:


> ThoughtOnFire said:
> 
> 
> > If only I weren't turned into a raccoon then maybe I'd have a real chance here.
> ...


haLOLha


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## Absentis (Jul 10, 2007)

JumpJump said:


> Grammer joke ftw.


I just realized you're the same person I'm currently quoting in my sig.

I like you. Wanna be forum friends?


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## JumpJump (Jun 24, 2009)

Sure, what does this entail?

I must warn you though: I have a chronic dissociative disorder.
It's a long story.


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## Guest (Dec 7, 2009)

This thread is working. :twisted:


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## Absentis (Jul 10, 2007)

What? No way! Me too!

When you add a person as a friend it doesn't do anything, as far as I know, yet oddly enough I like the feature. The foe list is more useful since it automatically hides the posts of people who you list, and you have the choice to reveal their post or ignore it entirely. As for friends... still no idea.


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## FoXS (Nov 4, 2009)

if i met someone who has as well DP, i think i would try to avoid him or her. because there will surely be a lot of talking, which is not good for me. something like "How do you do today?" . "bad, and you?" - "me too, why exactly?" - "oh well, the DR feeling is very strong today." - "oh, i know what you mean." -.- :|

could be a strange relationship. two people, who love each other, but they don't think that the other one is real. very... uncommon ^^


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## jonnyfiasco (Apr 20, 2007)

To be honest, and this is just my 2 cents worth, I think 2 people experiencing DP/DR dating would be one of the worst ideas if you are focused on getting healthy.

The reason being for this is that I can imagine a large focus of your life would be on the symptoms, how you feel on a daily basis and so on. Emotion comes from thought, so if you are constantly thinking about this every day with your partner, you have severely reduced your chances of changing your thought patterns.

For example. Don't think about elephants. Chances are you thought about elephants.

Now, think about tigers. Chances are you thought about a tiger and not an elephant.

Elephants = DP/DR
Tiger = New focus, something positive other than DP/DR.

Take your focus away from seeing DP/DR as a "disorder" and getting recognition for it and start to see it as a blessing that you have been given a wake up call to change your life to something more positive.


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## Cathal_08 (Apr 7, 2008)

nah, it would just be good to feel comfortable around someone else who understands how you feel.
not to talk negative boring shit about how bad DP can be, jesus, why do so many of you think thats what it would end up like if 2 people with DP met each other lol


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## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

Completely AGREE! Way to be positive.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

to be honest i think it's a little bit of both. yeah, it's very nice to have someone who understands. its just comfortable that way to know there is someone there that you aren't upsetting by being in this state. you don't feel like you have to hurry and get better like how every stupid relationship feels. you can be realistic in terms of recovery and what you are able to do and not do. however, it can also take a bad turn if you are both in a bad mood. and i do believe that being in this situation could hold people back from their true potential if the two people aren't willing to put the effort in to get better. think about how easy it is to sit inside of your shell of dp when you have a friend/significant other sitting there with you. it's very comfortable. i've been with someone who had dp and have to say it's pretty even keel when it comes to pros and cons. it comes down to the person in the end, not the disorder. and what i was saying before, i wasn't dissing the idea of two dped individs coming together. i was dissing the idea of trying to make a relationship happen or looking for one instead of just letting it unfold or wanting to be with someone because of superficial reasons (not to say that dp is superficial, just that dp is a superficial reason to be with someone cause you are looking at the disorder instead of the person). i am pretty sure that i did not misunderstand you and if anything, i have pretty good advice to give as i've lived this experience myself.


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## jonnyfiasco (Apr 20, 2007)

If you want to get better, you need to take your focus away from DP/DR. That is a self-evident fact. Being with a partner who also is experiencing DP/DR will dramatically reduce your chances of focusing on something different, thereby making it a lot harder to get better. In my eyes that is a very bad idea.

Do you think 2 people that have been in a war situation or suffered from trauma and are now suffering from PTSD would make a good couple? Or what about 2 alcoholics? 2 drug addicts? They might understand how each other feels, but common sense would indicate that it is a bad idea.

If however you want to have a partner that you can talk to about it, that may understand how you feel, then by all means it is a great idea. You just have to live with the fact that in the majority of cases, this will reduce your chances of getting better.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

jonnyfiasco said:


> Do you think 2 people that have been in a war situation or suffered from trauma and are now suffering from PTSD would make a good couple? Or what about 2 alcoholics? 2 drug addicts? They might understand how each other feels, but common sense would indicate that it is a bad idea.


I think only prejudice and labeling of people would indicate that as a bad idea. It could be both good and bad. But love and compassion is never bad.

On another note, nice to see you around the forum again. The things you do are inspiring. If only I would apply all the good things I learn or rediscover from people here on the forum to my own life I would be much healthier. Thank you.


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## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

Love and compassion wins out.


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## Absentis (Jul 10, 2007)

I've spoken with a few people who have experienced a lot of depersonalization or derealization, and each time it felt good to connect with somebody with shared experience. However, it also aggravated my dissociation so... having a partner with it? It would be great to have someone who understands me, but to be romantically linked with them?

I can say for certain that I would like a close friend with dp/dr, since there would be comradery with the needed amount of distance.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I think it's a good thing to have friends with dp, and if a relationship happens, then it happens. Kind of like what peachyderanged said. I have been with someone who has dp and shared great times with that person.


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## Mario (Oct 26, 2009)

I agree with Absentis.i'd prefer to have a close friend with dp,than to share my life with another dp'd person.i guess it would be like looking into a mirror most of the time.i believe the conversations would always be about the same issue,meaning about dp of course.


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## guyinterrupted (Nov 23, 2009)

I'd prefer to spend the rest of my life with someone with depersonalization so I could love them.


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## Mario (Oct 26, 2009)

guyinterrupted said:


> I'd prefer to spend the rest of my life with someone with depersonalization so I could love them.


Well,that's an interesting point of view as well


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## spaced-out (Mar 28, 2008)

I think at least one person in a couple should be DP free so we have someone to copy healthy behaviour from :--)


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## deadstar628 (Aug 29, 2006)

I have always wondered what it would be like to date someone with dp...I remember meeting a girl up in canada who had dp like me and it was one of the most theraputic, meaningful, and exciting experiences for me...For me personally, to date someone else with dp I think would mean sharing a special common bond, I think it could be a good foundation as obviously you can relate to eachother at a level that is very unique and personal, and hard to just "explain" to someone, and could lead to something potentially very meaningful and allow the people in the relationship an even closer intimate feeling of being able to relate to one another...John northeast Ohio


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## Meticulous (Jul 30, 2013)

Distance relationships are NOT what you need in this state, believe me.

That being said, if you happen to live close to one another and you really click, I don't see why not.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

It wud be great to date someone with dp because then u both share the same recovery goal and share an understanding of dp. Most normal ppl get sick of trying to deal with ur disorder especially when it looks invisible to them.

Imagine being dpd together and then recovering together how awesome wud that be


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## deadstar628 (Aug 29, 2006)

that would definitely be an indescribable experience. whats frustrating though is im 31 and after spending app. 14 years trying to find a like minded dp girl to have a chance at experiencing what i wrote about,ive grown weary jaded hopeless ,etc. like its too late 4 me or something and my health is kinda fading and suicide becomes more of a realistic option,and i just dont know what to do anymore, thanx 4 listening


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

There should be a dp dating section in this site...no joke

SELIG


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