# Fear of rejection ?



## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

Might this be the problem ? Is this why we don't have a personality ? Because we mimic others because we're too afraid to be rejected ? Is this why we dont have energy because others suck up our energy ? Is this why we are depressed because we have so much inner hate in us ?

Personally, I let others very easily dominate me because I'm afraid they will reject me (which they do because of this).

From today on I decided for myself that I will let nobody dominate me in my life anymore. I will stand up for myself even if I feel like a piece of shit at the moment. I hope this way I will start loving myself.

*Fear of rejection is the:*

Irrational fear that others will not accept me for who I am, what I believe, and how I act.

Pervasive motivator for caution in my behavior and interactions with others.

State of mind that makes me incapable of doing or saying anything for fear of others' rejection, lack of acceptance, or disapproval.

State of being of individuals who are over-dependent on the approval, recognition, or affirmation of others in order to feel good about themselves. In order to sustain personal feelings of adequacy these individuals are constantly concerned with the reactions of others to them.

Self-censoring attitude that inhibits creativity, productivity, and imagination in one's approach.

Driving force behind many people that keeps them from being authentic human beings. They are so driven by the need for acceptance of others that they lose their own identity in the process. They mimic the ways in which others act, dress, talk, think, believe, and function. They become the three-dimensional clones of the ``role models'' they so desperately need to emulate in order to gain acceptance.

Underlying process in the power of ``peer pressure'' that grabs hold and makes people act in stereotypic, ``pop'' culture, counter culture, punk, new wave, preppie, yuppie, and other styles. They crave recognition and acceptance from the reference group with whom they want to be identified.

Energy-robbing attitude that leads to self immobilization, self-defeating, and self-destructive behavior. This attitude encourages ongoing irrational thinking and behavior, resulting in personal stagnation, regression, and depression.

Driving force of some people for all actions in their lives. It plays a part in their choices concerning their education, career direction, work behavior, achievement level, interpersonal and marital relationships, family and community life, and the ways in which they spend leisure time.

Act of giving to others more power than I give to myself over how I feel about myself. What the others say or feel about me is the determinant of how I feel about myself. I am completely at the mercy of others for how happy or sad I will be. My self-satisfaction and belief in myself is in their hands. Fear of rejection is the abdication of power and control over my own life.

What common behavior patterns exist for people who operate out of a fear of rejection?

People who operate out of a fear of rejection:

Display little or no assertiveness.

Do not speak up and let others know how they feel about something, especially if their opinions differ.

Function as enablers. They have neither the courage nor the ability to assist others in discontinuing self-destructive behavior, e.g., alcohol or drug abuse, underachievement or workaholism.

Lack the courage to function differently from others, even when they don't enjoy the behavior in which they are involved.

Resort to passive/aggressive behavior; that is dishonest, sneaky, and allows for no open communication.

Play games with people. They will keep their personal feelings hidden. They are in tune with what is in and make every effort to emulate it in their lives.

Privately express a great deal of anger or depression over how unfortunate and unhappy their current lifeBstyle is. Yet, when helped to look at alternatives involving confrontation with others, they take a ``yes, Y but'' attitude.

Are confused as to their true identity, wearing ``masks'' to please others.

Become so obsessed with functioning, looking, and acting in a ``prescribed'' manner that they become rigid, inflexible, and closed to alternative behavior. This is true even if they are unhappy in the lifeBstyle they hold to so rigidly.

Are dishonest with themselves, so much so that it carries over into their interactions with others and they become habitual liars.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Rejection has to be one of the worst things in life if not the worst thing.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

I hate being rejected.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

I need to stop lying to myself that I am a good person.


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2007)

You miss a bit... :lol:


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)




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## Guest (Feb 19, 2007)

Awww )))Big Huggies(((, I'll read it all after i've slept... Will really make me tired thought :roll: but your female and females tend to "moan" on about things and all... so it's all good :wink:


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2007)

====


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## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

Miss_starling, first I want to congratulate you with your recovery!  I know how it feels (I've been there for half an hour). My guess is that you had some good night sleeps which is the most grounding thing.

Like you I have an abbusive history, I was abused and manipulated for three years by my first girlfriend and her family (a serbian asylum seeker), which was like a personal sekt. This is first of all very hard for me to face and secondly its very difficult to trust people again and to have selfesteem. When I'm negative like now this is my weak point, when I'm positive it is my strong point and makes me a very strong person.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

edit


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## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

miss_starling, you were using Effexor while recovering ?


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Yep.


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## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

I was so happy when I saw you recovered, you made soooo many posts on this forum, you must have had it for a long time so you really deserved it. The difference, which you will feel at this moment, is that without DP your senses don't really function (or for 10% or something), without DP your senses function again because you shoot back into your body (thats because you let go of your fears).

I read some great post today about a member that fully recovered, he said there are three major factors for recovering.

1. You have to understand why you're in DP, how it functions etc.
-> Why? Fear.
2. You have to understand body-mind balance.
-> 100% true.
3. You have to understand you DO control this.
-> Well, this is the last thing I can't do. That's because I have no idea what the hell im thinking. I don't have any thought at all. I'm now doing a lot of meditation, I hope that will make me more mindfull and peaceful.

miss_starling, did you or didn't you use Effexor on the same time you recovered ? This is very important to know.

I was advised by two psychologists to focus outward. This just doesn't work for me, I can look outside, look at the world, but I don't think this is really focussing outwards.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)




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## Synapse (Aug 15, 2004)

I was on effexor whilst recovering for what it's worth. Now that DP is in remission I hope to stop the effexor some day.


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## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

So don't you think it could have been Effexor that woke you up ? I think this is very much possible.


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

:?


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## lostsoul (Aug 25, 2006)

I think it would be a very wise thing for all of us to do focus meditation. I will focus on a object (like a candle) today for an hour or more and see if that works.


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## Guest (Feb 22, 2007)

I agree with you *Lostsoul*, I found that while taking my dog for a walk after 40mins then sitting down in a woods and focusing on a tree? things were ?normal? for me for a few minutes, the fresh air and how it was cold helped me. I was able to focus on the tree within a matter of seconds thought.

I also find that if you make your eyes go blurry while looking at the object, that can help you see the 3D world (if you are like me and see the world as being 2D), If you don?t understand what I mean, just try looking at your nose and you?ll go cross eyed with both your eyes and everything will go blurry, try then to focus on one of the objects in the back ground, then slowly (if you can control it) regain focus on that object.

?This is just an idea of mine, most likely a load of bullcrap? but you?ve nothing to lose?


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## Rozanne (Feb 24, 2006)

Dear Lostone, I hope you get better.


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