# DP / DR relapse! Advice plsease!



## jessie1133 (Oct 7, 2013)

Hey everyone, I've been regreatfully on stroking the internet obsessing about my DR and DP relapse. Four years ago I took MDMA and got the disorder. It was chronic and exteremly gradually it went dormate. Just this last year, specially this last 6 months or so I pretty much think I was symptom free. When I would think about it I was like hmmmmm it's probably still there but it's so low idk I'm happy.

Well a month ago I got a concussion and I freaked out. I freaked out because it brought on feelings of dp and dr. I was having panic attacks and just l living in fear it would return. Well it has returned. The last two weeks it has been sever. I forgot how bad this feel. Symptoms that have returned are depersonalization, derealization, anxiety, depression, loss of concintration, wanting to avoid anything that involves going out of my room, eyes can't focus on stripes, intense dr attacks in malls and stores, short breathing, blah blah blah. I was even two weeks late on my period, my doctor says stress is the reason.

IM SO SAD AND SCARED I'm expirencig this, this sever, again! I keep reading that dp and dr is a reaction to to much stress and a active flight or fight response and I'm trying to find comfort in that and knowing I got out of it before but it's so hard. This feeling consumes you. Truly the worst thing you can experience. I just got my life back. I'm terrified of this disorder taking me again.

I really need some advice and positive support. Please!!!!


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## jessie1133 (Oct 7, 2013)

Can someone please help me out?


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## mrt (Dec 10, 2011)

Hey Jessie,

I'm in the same boat. DR has been pretty low for the past few years, but has returned very severely. I agree, you forget how incredibly awful it is till its back.

But knowing things have got better in the past is whats keeping me going too.

I'm sure things will get better for us.


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

jessie1133 said:


> eyes can't focus on stripes


http://mysteriousuniverse.org/2017/05/human-brains-may-not-be-aligned-right-to-handle-stripes/


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## dusktilldawn (Jun 18, 2014)

I'm in the same boat. Was doing fine for 2 years, now I'm back to the fullest even worse.


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## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

I cant understand what you mean. When people talk about how they 'come in and out' of depersonalization, it just doesn't make any sense to me. For me its been constant for 7 years 24/7, except for 2-3 hours maybe?

Get on a low dose ssri, see how you handle it.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Medicine may be the answer!


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## reactor (Nov 10, 2016)

Midnight said:


> I cant understand what you mean. When people talk about how they 'come in and out' of depersonalization, it just doesn't make any sense to me. For me its been constant for 7 years 24/7, except for 2-3 hours maybe?
> 
> Get on a low dose ssri, see how you handle it.


correct. People with depersonalizatiton disorder will never get out of it. I have this version too. We should not expect recovery and should pivot our lives so that we can deal with this permanent disorder.


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

reactor said:


> correct. People with depersonalizatiton disorder will never get out of it. I have this version too. We should not expect recovery and should pivot our lives so that we can deal with this permanent disorder.


No.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

reactor said:


> correct. People with depersonalizatiton disorder will never get out of it. I have this version too. We should not expect recovery and should pivot our lives so that we can deal with this permanent disorder.


No x2

Do you not think everyone who recovered after years thought this was permanent? read 20 years DP as example a, it's pinned as a reminder... again medication came to the rescue. I'm not saying it guaranteed but what version? a version that you haven't found a treatment for yet? Even in some of the non cured stories, DP is a lot better.

Acceptance is important, to not battle yourself every day but it does not mean giving up.

Also advice was asked for, not your over the internet diagnoses of permanent disorder, how could you possibly know given the little information you have on the OP. Can I read your findings? .... you can read some of mine (real thing is 60 pages) on one drug i researched, search "Keppra has cured HPPD & DP"... all examples had both, two very tricky disorders, I have a collection of many people who cured both.

Then you have this guy who tried 19 medications over 5 years, found the right one and was cured in "a couple of months" - The thing I always get from this story is you got to keep trying things.


__
https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/2wj5af
 - it's on here i just know how to find it easier on reddit via google.

Stop trying to put other people down into your misery, we all feel it. Hope is important for everyone, even you Reactor. It's not over till it's over.


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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

Yeh reactor mate, I don't know if your just expressing your own low mood and self esteem in regards to DP or not.. I know it's tough NOT to express that when you get to that point. And equally tough to express that IS the point you are at with this horrific diagnosis. I've had 'primary depersonalization disorder' for 13 years 24/7 diagnosed at the DP unit in London, the leading place in the world... supposedly. Mine was triggered by the weed panic attack after a period of severe stress

I'm guna be blunt about this next point. I dont believe in depersonalization disorder. I think it's a harmful, limiting, cruel diagnosis. I think it's a symptom of very severe depression and anxiety combined, that gets to a point where you dont heal. Anxious/depressed pople find themselves with this symptom and react with extreme resistance which traps you in the symptom cycle. But treat your PRIMARY issue and the secondary (dp) will start to fade. For me mirtazapine has been a god send and at a very low dose of 15mg. I'm by no means 'cured' but feeling hopeful and the best I have in years. The dp is still there but subtly improving. I am currently suffering pretty bad insomnia for the first time and I'm sure it's because of the silly dose of b vitamins i've recently taken.

If I were to list all the things, diets, medications, meditations, exercises, therapies, supplements, techniques... it would be a mile long. I've tried seroquel, effexor, prozac, citalopram, escitalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin, modafinil.. many others I forget. Mirtazapine is working wonders, I expect because its an anti histamine and cortisol both quickly. I would recommend it to anyone who is yet to try it. Stay positive guys, you WILL find YOUR answer to this


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

The more i think about this, the more it gets to me a bit.

Broken has more reason that you to be negative, but why would he be negative towards someone else's recovery, that's the bit I don't get. By all means, start a thread and tell everyone how you feel, but you have no right to bring other members down.

An example is RedSky, on 09 May 2017 - 10:33 PM, said:





RedSky said:


> I have had 24/7 DR for ten years now


awesome. very inspirational

Totally out of line. This person was asking for support, all you did was put them down. Think you need to rethink how you are to other members, i'm not the only one thinking this, others have contacted me after my last reply. I don't want you banned or any bad blood. We are all in this together, just don't risk pushing people over the edge, for some people who i talk to daily, this is the end of the line, they need support. I know this sounds melodramatic, but with the suicide in the news today (R.I.P Chris) we need this place to be a safe place, a place of hope, honest advice and support. No one else is going to say it, so I will. If you don't have anything good to say, say nothing. I am in no way undermining how you feel and your struggle. Get help, keep searching, but how is bring other people down going to change how you feel. It's natural, it happens the best of us. As i said, your journey is not over. You got to make it happen


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## jessie1133 (Oct 7, 2013)

Well to all you Nay Sayers of DP being permant... it wasn't for me. I had it very bad for a long time and 3 years into it I finally, and gradually felt free. Dr and dp was somthing I didn't even think about every day. Idk if it was ever gone but it definitely wasn't like how it's been the past few weeks witch is sooooo depressing to me. And hearing the negative comments do nothing but feed into my worry. If you don't have somthing positive to say, don't say it at all.

Now, guys, I'm really freaking out. My DR is still here and I'm having symptoms as I did when I first got this. Strong visual distortions and dr vision, shallow breathing, and just dread. Ugh, I do notice that when I'm really occupated inside I feel fine but like i was before, out side is just a scary world ((( <\3

If I already got past this point, why am I back (


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## Broken (Jan 1, 2017)

Guys, I'm going to try and communicate to my best ability what has helped me recently. I've really turned a corner with this awful affliction and I hope we all can do that together.

I think reactor may have been expressing his view point from a perspective even more bleak than our own. He clearly feels, as I have done, that this diagnosis is terminal. Research is underfunded, public knowledge is ignorant, help is hard to find, medications that seem to have research behind them offer us no relief, therapy was useless as the therapist had no knowledge of the condition either personal or professional so how can they save me from this hell? And yet.

We go on. Because the other option is too bleak to consider. We haven't quite got to that point yet but we question everyday how close we are. Can I take another week of this hell? A month? ANOTHER FUCKING YEAR?!?! As I said my dp has lasted a long time. But recently I am finding hope. More hope in fact, and better emotional health than I think I have EVER felt. I am starting to make connections with people again. I am being vulnerable and honest but trying to phrase my external message more geared towards the other persons needs. Why? Because it makes me feel good? Yeh perhaps. Or maybe it's more primary to that.

I think what we all need to do is give ourselves and others more compassion and understanding. It's fucking hard to experience DPD. And fuck me, with the hell that I am going through how can I possibly empathise with someone else's version of this disorder? It's difficult. Impossible at times. But we need to all take a breath. Slow down before you tap the keyboard. Think carefully about the explicit and implicit message you put across. And when you seem overwhelmed woth an urgency to reply. ESPECIALLY THEN. Stop. FEEL where this is coming from. And question how you deal with that? I know we are all 'numb' but let us be frank. There doesn't seem to be a lot of numbness in this discussion. There is an underlying anger or a feeling of injustice lying beneath. That emotion is clearly driving you to type what you say.

It appears that way, but I'm not getting at anybody. I'm really not. If I felt someone was doing that or being ignorant to my feelings when I spoke honestly, no doubt it made my judgement even worse. There may be no seeming direct attachment to this feeling when it comes. But if you catch it. Even a glimpse. My advice is. Slow down. Even slower. Soften the tension you may feel in your body. Let that feeling GROW despite what your mind says to do. And sit with that. Just a second. Just a while more if you can. Rather than being externally focused, or mind focused thinking how you will reply. Go inside and check out what's happening. Why do I want to act that way? Is there some underlying emotion running this? And primarily see if you can connect with that. Secondary to that, see if you can connect with the other person


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## Psychostein (Nov 3, 2016)

Nothing is permanent, there is always a breakthrough at some point.. there is going to be people that will tell you this condition is permanent just laugh it off, I have recovered so have many others please don't lose hope!

Reactor, please take your bullshit information else where, you have no proven evidence that states that this condition is permanent, therefore you can take you garbage statements and stick them up your ass, twat!


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## Lostherheart (Jan 23, 2017)

"People with depersonalizatiton disorder will never get out of it." What does that even mean...?

'primary depersonalization disorder' I don't understand what the difference is between depersonalization as a disorder and as a symptom from anxiety and depression, can someone please explain?

I had DP/DR once as a teen after a bad experience with weed and LSD. I can't even remember how long it lasted maybe 6months to a year. This time it came about because of extreme stress and Trauma. This time it feels much worse I don't know if it's because I have feel like much more to lose..
After my first experience I completely forgot about the whole experience until now ????


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Good point what does depersonalization disorder even mean .
Ive always thought it was a defense used during extreme stress/trauma.

Its quiet confusing maybe its a Disorder if your just depersonalized for no reason .which doesnt make sense to me ...

Umm no idea ..


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