# Slooooooooooooooow Recovery



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

My recover is moving SO slow. Like at the pace that a glacier moves or hair grows or coral grows. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO slow. It's painful and leaves me feel a bit anxious. It's hard not to be anxious when the "will this ever go away" thoughts pop into your mind. It certainly feels like it might never go away. Still, I can't deny the progress that I've made just since the beginning of October. I stopped taking the Klonopin and since my dr consistently is either at 95% or gone. Before I would have breaks where my vision would get clear and maybe one random day where it would go mostly away but now everything looks real. The dp and the sensation that everything is a dream is still there though. It's kind of stuck at 80% better and isn't getting any beter. I have noticed lately that some emotions are changing. Not too long ago I just didn't care about anything. I just didn't have much of an opinion and that is changing. I also still didn't have a lot of emotions or empathy and that is coming back too. I actually felt bad when I moved recently because my kids had to switch schools and leave their friends and teachers. 2 months ago I wouldn't have felt anything about that. So I guess that's a step forward.


----------



## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> My recover is moving SO slow. Like at the pace that a glacier moves or hair grows or coral grows. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO slow. It's painful and leaves me feel a bit anxious. It's hard not to be anxious when the "will this ever go away" thoughts pop into your mind. It certainly feels like it might never go away. Still, I can't deny the progress that I've made just since the beginning of October. I stopped taking the Klonopin and since my dr consistently is either at 95% or gone. Before I would have breaks where my vision would get clear and maybe one random day where it would go mostly away but now everything looks real. The dp and the sensation that everything is a dream is still there though. It's kind of stuck at 80% better and isn't getting any beter. I have noticed lately that some emotions are changing. Not too long ago I just didn't care about anything. I just didn't have much of an opinion and that is changing. I also still didn't have a lot of emotions or empathy and that is coming back too. I actually felt bad when I moved recently because my kids had to switch schools and leave their friends and teachers. 2 months ago I wouldn't have felt anything about that. So I guess that's a step forward.


One step at a time...


----------



## Onibla (Nov 9, 2010)

Slow and steady wins the race. You may want an instant cure but to slowly go about setting your mind right again will help prevent any relapses as you'll be very experienced in dealing with the feelings and preventing them.


----------



## el_kapitano (Aug 21, 2010)

Same with me... it's so slow, but for sure there is some progress. I still have awful days and awful hours... then it's better, worse, better, worse, worse, better








FUCK


----------



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Me too...!! Looking back, I'm much better than I was even 3 months ago, but the dp is still 100% 24/7. Some of my old self seems to be coming back after cutting back on the benzo's, which has really shocked me, so I'm trying to very slowly get off them (cutting back 1/4 right now).

I'm still scared as hell though, and I just can't believe it's possible to be myself again. I have a mental image of a puzzle, and I try to tell myself that my reality needs 80% of the pieces in the right place for me to get what I'm looking at, and now I have 40% of the pieces, and some of them keep switching places.. This helps me as I can try and believe that when all the pieces are in place, reality will feel as it's supposed to, without effort. I have this huge fear I have to "make" reality again or re-construct myself from memory, and I don't know how to...

The other mental imagery I use, is an image of my brain consisting of something like a thousand light bulbs in different colors. When I'm dp'd, some of the ones that's supposed to be switched off are on, and some of the ones that is supposed to be on is off. When I'm 100% healthy, my minds color is a particular shade of one color (say green), but when I'm sick, the color can be anything, depending on what light bulbs are lit. This helps me as I can imagine that even if some of the bulbs are going on or off, I can still feel healthy, it's only bad if a majority is malfunctioning. It also helps with coping with symptoms, as I can imagine it being the wrong mix of light bulbs being on, and when the symptoms change, it's also just the lights.. The light bulbs represent neural highways I guess. Anyway, just thought I'd highjack your post and tell you this









And glaciers are supposedly moving faster these days, so maybe there's hope..


----------



## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> My recover is moving SO slow. Like at the pace that a glacier moves or hair grows or coral grows. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO slow. It's painful and leaves me feel a bit anxious. It's hard not to be anxious when the "will this ever go away" thoughts pop into your mind. It certainly feels like it might never go away. Still, I can't deny the progress that I've made just since the beginning of October. I stopped taking the Klonopin and since my dr consistently is either at 95% or gone. Before I would have breaks where my vision would get clear and maybe one random day where it would go mostly away but now everything looks real. The dp and the sensation that everything is a dream is still there though. It's kind of stuck at 80% better and isn't getting any beter. I have noticed lately that some emotions are changing. Not too long ago I just didn't care about anything. I just didn't have much of an opinion and that is changing. I also still didn't have a lot of emotions or empathy and that is coming back too. I actually felt bad when I moved recently because my kids had to switch schools and leave their friends and teachers. 2 months ago I wouldn't have felt anything about that. So I guess that's a step forward.


For me, if you look day-by-day or week-by-week you just see little dips and rises - nothing to write home about. But if you look seasonally (3-6 months) at the overall change, there is improvement. It used to make me want to scream and can really push anxiety. But I've accepted it and try not to let it get me.

As inspector Dryfus said, "Every day in every way we are just a little bit better <blink><blink>". You just got to change 'day' to month or something loonnngggeeerrrr!


----------



## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

I feel about the same too. 80% there altogether, but I still have good and bad days. I wanted to be over this by the 6 month marker, but I have now had it for 6.5 months and its not going anywhere yet...where has the time gone!!

Glad to hear you and york are doing well, I know you both were having a hard time with it last time I was really on here a lot. Hopefully we can all be 100% soon enough! I believe if you really want something badly enough that you can and will achieve it! Go get it guys!


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Thank you for all of your replies. I am glad to see so many people making progress, even if it is slow. I think that Onibla is completely right. I think that I need to just try to relax and know that my mind is healing itself and that healing has to be slow and steady to make sure that I heal completely and am where I need to be when this leaves. Some of us, such as myself, got dp from something very traumatic and as an old friend said when I told him about dp "we had to go through something really f'd up for our minds to have to take this drastic of a measure to protect us". So it stands to reason that we want that healed before we jump back in. I guess we must become masters of focusing only on the day we have, on the next step, on putting one foot in front of the other. Get through this hour or this day and let tomorrow care for itself. No use in stressing over things that haven't even happened/not happened yet.


----------



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I just heard on t.v that in kids with anxiety some glands(??) like the Amygdala but not the Amygdala in the brain is SMALLER than in non-anxious kids. HOWEVER, kids in talk-therapy had the normal-sized brain-things, which must mean that you somehow grow them back if you get some help and support.

My point is that I think our biology needs time to re-grow neural pathways and other weird stuff obviously, so some of the healing is just to be patient.


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

york said:


> I just heard on t.v that in kids with anxiety some glands(??) like the Amygdala but not the Amygdala in the brain is SMALLER than in non-anxious kids. HOWEVER, kids in talk-therapy had the normal-sized brain-things, which must mean that you somehow grow them back if you get some help and support.
> 
> My point is that I think our biology needs time to re-grow neural pathways and other weird stuff obviously, so some of the healing is just to be patient.


That is a great way to look at it and I agree with you. Everything needs to right itself.


----------



## Fullmetal (Dec 8, 2009)

york said:


> I just heard on t.v that in kids with anxiety some glands(??) like the Amygdala but not the Amygdala in the brain is SMALLER than in non-anxious kids. HOWEVER, kids in talk-therapy had the normal-sized brain-things, which must mean that you somehow grow them back if you get some help and support.
> 
> My point is that I think our biology needs time to re-grow neural pathways and other weird stuff obviously, so some of the healing is just to be patient.


But what if you're autistic








(cries) I really want to become better


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Fullmetal said:


> But what if you're autistic
> 
> 
> 
> ...


My younger sister is autistic. She has aspergers syndrome and she got dp and had it for 3 years. She found a med combo that worked for her and is dp free now.


----------



## Fullmetal (Dec 8, 2009)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> My younger sister is autistic. She has aspergers syndrome and she got dp and had it for 3 years. She found a med combo that worked for her and is dp free now.


Really? Can you do me a favour and ask her what kind of medications she used?
What did she do in order to get better?


----------



## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

Are you still on DMAE, tinyfairypeople? Have you had any more success with it?


----------



## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

Hey!
Thats great news that you are all feeling a bit better. Im the same, at the start I wondered what had hit me and made plans for the next weekend even, assuming id be better. Then i cancelled these plans and said to a friend, 'Shall we go as vikings to the end of summer ball?'

Well, i never made it. I said, 'Looking forward to going out to see everyone at christmas'.. Hmm. well its here already. So now i think 'dont set a date!'

If people ask how i feel, i glumly say, 'Well, im better than i was 3 months ago'

Thats a good thing. I hope we are all better soon! And we shall go to the ball


----------



## BusyBee (Aug 7, 2010)

york said:


> I just heard on t.v that in kids with anxiety some glands(??) like the Amygdala but not the Amygdala in the brain is SMALLER than in non-anxious kids. HOWEVER, kids in talk-therapy had the normal-sized brain-things, which must mean that you somehow grow them back if you get some help and support.
> 
> My point is that I think our biology needs time to re-grow neural pathways and other weird stuff obviously, so some of the healing is just to be patient.


Ooh by the way, i saw this documentry on telly where a boy haf a rare disorder which meant he was fitting constantly, and he was going to die if they didnt remove HALF his brain, and then you see the boy (man) at 19 years old and he seems completly normal! They showed a scan of his brain and he'd GROWN a new half! incredible.

Secondly, even nerves can heal. Our friends dog had no feeling in a limb after a road accident and just recently (about 7 years on) she has started putting the foot down as she walks! Again, amazing.


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Fullmetal said:


> Really? Can you do me a favour and ask her what kind of medications she used?
> What did she do in order to get better?


Personally, I wouldn't want to give you false hope in thinking that medications are the answer to healing. I, myself tried the medications she was on and many many others and saw no benefit at all. There is no magic cure. Only acceptance and deciding to live your life. You have to allow the fear to release to heal.

Brando- I was only able to take 3 doses of DMAE and it started to make me very ill. I have a weird liver that makes me extremely sensitive to medications and suppliments. I do believe that DMAE would be great for a person with a normal tollerance to such things.


----------



## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> Personally, I wouldn't want to give you false hope in thinking that medications are the answer to healing. I, myself tried the medications she was on and many many others and saw no benefit at all. There is no magic cure. Only acceptance and deciding to live your life. You have to allow the fear to release to heal.
> 
> Brando- I was only able to take 3 doses of DMAE and it started to make me very ill. I have a weird liver that makes me extremely sensitive to medications and suppliments. I do believe that DMAE would be great for a person with a normal tollerance to such things.


Have you ever tried Requip or Wellbutrin?


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Visual Dude said:


> Have you ever tried Requip or Wellbutrin?


Yeah, I think I did before dp.


----------



## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> Yeah, I think I did before dp.


Really! Interesting. What was the Requip for?


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Visual Dude said:


> Really! Interesting. What was the Requip for?


Oh, no sorry I meant Welbutrin. Never heard of the other one.


----------

