# I don't even know what this is anymore



## courtneyk (Apr 20, 2017)

I feel like I'm going crazy, my brain is degenerating or something else is wrong with me. I'm definitely not even who I was before dp. It feels like I'm forgetting myself and my life. My memory is shot, I stumble over words, concentration is gone, my sense of humor is gone and I feel like my personality is blunt now and I wasn't like that before. I was thoughtful and I thought before I spoke. I was funny, witty and intelligent. I was articulate when I spoke. Now it's like my brain doesn't work like that anymore. It feels like mush. Physically I feel like crap because I'm tense all the time. 
I go out and I live my life normally but when I'm with my friends or family I don't feel like I'm there. I don't feel like it's me who is responding to them when I speak.

I've spent 9 months of this fighting and being positive but it keeps beating me down and I just feel like I'm losing my life and my mind.


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## Steff (Nov 3, 2017)

I feel the same way Courtney. Ever since this happened I feel like a different person, kind of like losing your identity. I also can't remember what life felt like before dp. Everyone says these are normal symptoms, but just like you I doubt it often. I find myself thinking I'm going to lose my mind at any minute or that this isint dp. I try to focus on the progress I've made so far, to kinda keep me going. Like I remember how when I first got it I was so horrible I hated talking to people or leaving my bed, now I can talk to people and leave the house, it's uncomfortable af but I can do it. Have you made any progress from when you first got this?


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## courtneyk (Apr 20, 2017)

Steff said:


> I feel the same way Courtney. Ever since this happened I feel like a different person, kind of like losing your identity. I also can't remember what life felt like before dp. Everyone says these are normal symptoms, but just like you I doubt it often. I find myself thinking I'm going to lose my mind at any minute or that this isint dp. I try to focus on the progress I've made so far, to kinda keep me going. Like I remember how when I first got it I was so horrible I hated talking to people or leaving my bed, now I can talk to people and leave the house, it's uncomfortable af but I can do it. Have you made any progress from when you first got this?


I'm sorry you feel the same way, but it is comforting that someone can relate. I'm just terrified of going insane or becoming a mental vegetable. Since the start of all this I have made lots of progress and like I mentioned, I'm living a fairly normal life on the outside but not on the inside ya know? I've gone through huge up and downs trying to recover. A few weeks I'm good and symptoms diminish but then I crash again with new symptoms. I'm soooo much better then I was the first few months but I just can't seem to shake it completely. I just can't imagine feeling fully function and normal ever again.


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## Marisa (Aug 28, 2017)

I'm feeling this same way. I've dealt with bouts of DP/DR for nearly 8 years, but these past almost 6 months have just been really horrible. I know the hell you're going through.

I'm so sorry you're suffering with this.


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## Steff (Nov 3, 2017)

courtneyk said:


> I'm sorry you feel the same way, but it is comforting that someone can relate. I'm just terrified of going insane or becoming a mental vegetable. Since the start of all this I have made lots of progress and like I mentioned, I'm living a fairly normal life on the outside but not on the inside ya know? I've gone through huge up and downs trying to recover. A few weeks I'm good and symptoms diminish but then I crash again with new symptoms. I'm soooo much better then I was the first few months but I just can't seem to shake it completely. I just can't imagine feeling fully function and normal ever again.


I think everybody has this fear, but we just have to try to remember that is all anxiety and it's all in our heads. Completely agree, when I'm out with friends or family, I laugh, smile, talk, but then when I'm alone my thoughts eat me alive. Like I look like I'm fine, but internally I'm a mess. We just have to keep hoping, praying, and getting on with life. I try to tell myself just take it one hour at a time, because there's been so many times I've felt I couldn't do this for another minute, but I did and I was fine. Wish you the best!


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## HopingCat36 (Jun 17, 2017)

Steff said:


> I think everybody has this fear, but we just have to try to remember that is all anxiety and it's all in our heads. Completely agree, when I'm out with friends or family, I laugh, smile, talk, but then when I'm alone my thoughts eat me alive. Like I look like I'm fine, but internally I'm a mess. We just have to keep hoping, praying, and getting on with life. I try to tell myself just take it one hour at a time, because there's been so many times I've felt I couldn't do this for another minute, but I did and I was fine. Wish you the best!


Have you recovered? If so, what helped?


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## Steff (Nov 3, 2017)

HopingCat36 said:


> Have you recovered? If so, what helped?


No I have not recovered yet, but I am getting a little better day by day, so hopefully I think i am in the recovery process. Only thing ive done that's helped is just giving it time.


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## willbarwa (Aug 26, 2017)

courtneyk said:


> I feel like I'm going crazy, my brain is degenerating or something else is wrong with me. I'm definitely not even who I was before dp. It feels like I'm forgetting myself and my life. My memory is shot, I stumble over words, concentration is gone, my sense of humor is gone and I feel like my personality is blunt now and I wasn't like that before. I was thoughtful and I thought before I spoke. I was funny, witty and intelligent. I was articulate when I spoke. Now it's like my brain doesn't work like that anymore. It feels like mush. Physically I feel like crap because I'm tense all the time.
> I go out and I live my life normally but when I'm with my friends or family I don't feel like I'm there. I don't feel like it's me who is responding to them when I speak.
> 
> I've spent 9 months of this fighting and being positive but it keeps beating me down and I just feel like I'm losing my life and my mind.


Courtney, when it comes to depersonalization, three things stand out the most: fear of insanity, fear of existence and fear of not getting better.

I will tell you now, those fears is what stops most ppl from ever recovering. Almost all cases of DP sufferers are based on an overactive mind and anxious recurring states.

An insane person doesnt know they are insnae and you wont go insane!

You need however to relax. There are many technqiues and even supplemets taht can help you calm down


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