# Have I depersonalized myself only after 5 days of meditations!?



## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Sorry, this might be a double post (not sure if I correctly posted my other one).

I started meditating last friday. Nothing crazy. 10 minutes a day for the first 3 days. On Monday, I pumped it up to 20 minutes and I felt GREAT! Tuesday, however, I did two 15 minutes sessions and after my 2nd session, I felt this high sort of equivalent to being on MDMA. My senses were alive. I felt great. I was playing music, dancing and really just in a happy mode. However, the next day, I realized my senses were still very active (as they are right now). Noises were very clear and so were lights (it doesn't bother me per say, its just very noticeable). My focus is also crystal clear and I can work on pretty much any task I want for hours. However, I also feel sort of detached from my self and the people around me feel like robots in a sense (they seem more detailed and I'm much more intuned with them).

That being said, if I concentration my attention on positive things, I can produce a great amount of positive emotions that brings me into a flow state. However, I've been focusing more on the negative as this new state is kind of frightening. I've been feeling anxious and sort of scared because of the thought that I have depersonalized myself so I've been ruminating more on that. These elevated senses have lasted for 1.5 days and I'm not sure whether my senses have increased in sensitivity due to the meditation or if I have depersonalized myself only after 5 meditation sessions. I am quite scared and am actually on my way to see a psychologist (if there are any diagnostic testings, that'd be great).


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## TDX (Jul 12, 2014)

> If you're interested in testing, check the Cambridge Depersonalisation Scale. If you find yourself endorsing more than half of the items, it's very likely that you're experiencing DP.


 The cut-off for the english version is 70. Across the versions for all languages the cut-off varies between 50 to 70.



> Just chill out and things will probably go back to normal very soon. There's no reason to be worried at this stage.


That's what I would do. Your DP-like symptoms are different to DP-disorder, because you still have emotions and seem to only experience a low number of symptoms.

To make sure that nothing bad will happen it might be a good idea for you to never meditate again.


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Thanks for the responses. My focus is very
Intense so that's why I'm freaked out as well. It seems
So surreal that I could've activated Dp with a 20 minutes of meditation. I also don't get what a dream like state is supposed to feel like...am I supposed to feel sluggish and unresponsive? I feel to total opposite - Alive and alert.


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## Guest (Feb 11, 2016)

wow. I have heard of meditative dp states happening. I read a article a while back about TM, transcendental meditation inducing dp for longer term students though. Interesting cause it makes sense if you go too deep in introspection, etc, you can wind up in this state of mind. I was thinking about doing a meditation course but now think i will reconsider that lol. I agree with the above answers. Don't freak out. And doesn't sound like fully DP as Elliott said.

J


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

What meditation technique were you doing?

Is this your first time meditating?

Have you meditated since this happened?


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> What meditation technique were you doing?
> 
> Is this your first time meditating?
> 
> Have you meditated since this happened?


Normal meditation. Focusing on my breathing. I started meditating on Friday; did 10 minutes a day until Monday. Monday I did 20 minutes and Tuesday I did 2- 15 minute sessions. No I haven't


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

I like Elliott's advice, just chill out and things may go back to normal.


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## thy (Oct 7, 2015)

I'd also recommend never meditating again, or not doing it much at all. Not worth the risk in my view.


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Yeah I definitely won't. I went to a doctor and he said I have some Dp symptoms
But some I don't. He said the fact that I have good concentration and focus is out of norm for a Dp person. My focus in great but I feel weird. Hopefully it'll fade.


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

A little update.



Jus said:


> wow. I have heard of meditative dp states happening. I read a article a while back about TM, transcendental meditation inducing dp for longer term students though. Interesting cause it makes sense if you go too deep in introspection, etc, you can wind up in this state of mind. I was thinking about doing a meditation course but now think i will reconsider that lol. I agree with the above answers. Don't freak out. And doesn't sound like fully DP as Elliott said.
> J


I'm not sure if I have DP 100% but it was just a guess. I wouldn't hesitate with meditation (although I might not do it again). I probably over did it to where the effects are lasting a few days but I have an intense focus and liberation that allows me to get into flow whenever I'm staring at something. My Theory is that I dilated my senses to quickly and freaked out because now everything is truly alive to me. I'm not entirely sure but it's just a guess. Conversations are more interesting to me, I laugh much more when something is funny and I feel more alive. But at the same time, I feel weird or a bit detached


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Update: feeling a little better today. Getting more self thoughts today (worrying about my hair, about how I look, about what my plans are today). My
Focus and senses are still very good. I think I am instead suffering from dilation syndrome:

http://www.lorinroche.com/dangers/dangers/dilation.html

It's synonymous to starting a work out to quickly or intensely- if you work out really hard and you are beginner, you will feel all kinds of soreness for up to a week. Same with meditation...if you start out too fast, your senses or chakras open up to quickly, which can lead to heightened senses, which you may not be used too and which might thus scare you (which it has for me).

In terms of the dangers of meditation, reviews showed that in a group long term meditators (more then 4.5 years), about 5- 7 percent experienced bad adverse effects so it seems rare you would depersonalize yourself in a few days where people take years to experience something bad or terrible. Instead, if you are starting out, you probably dilated your senses too quickly. Otherwise, I feel very focused and concentrated and like I can get into a "flow state" rather quickly by focusing on things I enjoy. Anyways, hopefully I am right. And these last few days have really opened my eyes to a disorder that is often not talked about as much in the mental health community.


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## Allez (Apr 10, 2013)

What was your meditation? What did you do for it?


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Allez said:


> What was your meditation? What did you do for it?


Normal meditation. Just focusing on my breath (not sure what it's called). I did 10 minutes for first 3 days, 15-20 on Monday and 2-15 minutes sessions Tuesday, which I think was too much. But I feel pretty
Good...senses are still overly active but I can get into a really
Good positive and flow state if I do something as simple as interacting with people. First
Two days felt a little scarier


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## Allez (Apr 10, 2013)

What made you want to start meditating? Just wondering. Usually there's a reason someone wants to get into it.


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

Now imagine a shift in perception so powerful that you couldn't have fathomed it's existence and yet it is extremely uncomfortable, giving people uncontrollable anxiety, panic attacks, depression etc etc. And cause of *extreme suffering*, yet it doesn't go away for years. That is DP/DR in a nutshell. Similar to your shift in perception but many times worse and not just a minor shift but a completely different experience of reality.


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Allez said:


> What made you want to start meditating? Just wondering. Usually there's a reason someone wants to get into it.


To increase my alertness. Felt like I got tired easily at work and couldn't focus well and I heard meditation helped with that.


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Now imagine a shift in perception so powerful that you couldn't have fathomed it's existence and yet it is extremely uncomfortable, giving people uncontrollable anxiety, panic attacks, depression etc etc. And cause of *extreme suffering*, yet it doesn't go away for years. That is DP/DR in a nutshell. Similar to your shift in perception but many times worse and not just a minor shift but a completely different experience of reality.


I've definitely Picked up on how sufferable it sounds from reading and watching videos. i hope recovery for everyone here as I believe all mental disorders can be allievated and managed


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## Allez (Apr 10, 2013)

http://www.drmyhill.co.uk/wiki/Brain_fog_-_poor_memory,_difficulty_thinking_clearly_etc You could also look into this.

What is your sleep like?


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Allez said:


> http://www.drmyhill.co.uk/wiki/Brain_fog_-_poor_memory,_difficulty_thinking_clearly_etc You could also look into this.
> 
> What is your sleep like?


Sleep is meh. The meditation over last few days has improved my concentration, clarity and ability to think fairly well. However, it was scary because of how quick the change happen. I feel very in the moment and it's something I've never experienced before. People are usually ruminating about themselves, as I used to before and still do, so it's weird to not do it much. I've experienced brain fog and it's definitely not what I'm experiencing. Anyways, I think you get what I'm saying lol


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## Allez (Apr 10, 2013)

Yeah, meditation can definitely switch perspective from 'non-stop thinking' to 'woah, everything is pretty peaceful right now'.


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Allez said:


> Yeah, meditation can definitely switch perspective from 'non-stop thinking' to 'woah, everything is pretty peaceful right now'.


Have you been doing it? And if so for how long?


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## Allez (Apr 10, 2013)

I have only really been getting into it the past few months. I am doing the 8-week stress reduction program from Jon Kabat-Zinn. It includes two weeks of body scan meditation, two weeks of alternating yoga and body scan, and then eventually regular sitting meditation. Each session is a daily 45 minutes.


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Allez said:


> I have only really been getting into it the past few months. I am doing the 8-week stress reduction program from Jon Kabat-Zinn. It includes two weeks of body scan meditation, two weeks of alternating yoga and body scan, and then eventually regular sitting meditation. Each session is a daily 45 minutes.


What differences do you feel? More in the moment? Have you ever had any out of body experiences or highs?


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## Allez (Apr 10, 2013)

I feel more in my body after the body scan, and really relaxed. The only time I've felt a genuine out of body experience was during my first panic attack.


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## Mark55 (Feb 11, 2016)

Allez said:


> I feel more in my body after the body scan, and really relaxed. The only time I've felt a genuine out of body experience was during my first panic attack.


I see. A panic attack during meditation you mean?


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## Allez (Apr 10, 2013)

Nah, my first panic attack was during work in 2009. I didn't know what a panic attack was, I thought I was dying and the out of body experience was very intense.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

Lol @ "shot to pieces"


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## Mike_NY (Dec 10, 2015)

King Elliott said:


> If you're interested in testing, check the Cambridge Depersonalisation Scale. If you find yourself endorsing more than half of the items, it's very likely that you're experiencing DP.
> 
> .


This is an interesting scale. I couldn't relate to most of the questions apart from 1 and 13 which I would answer "All the time" as all of my systems are derealization.


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## Mike_NY (Dec 10, 2015)

Has anyone actually tried meditating with DP/DR? I was thinking of starting since there's a meditation place 2 blocks from me


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