# Don't know if I'm back in reality, but I FUCKING HATE IT



## roadt2recovery (Aug 27, 2013)

Things feel tooo real, I'm aware of everything, when I was in normal DP, I wasn't comfortable, but I was alright, I was engaging in normality, but what I feel now is soooo fucked up, I'm aware of everything now and it doesn't give me any anxiety, and because of that, I still feel like there is something wrong, I've lost my ego, I don't feel embarrassed about anything no more, and that's just fucking crazy, it makes me feel less human, I don't know where I am at this point in my life, my hearing is so sensitive, and it's fucking driving me crazy, I'd rather block out everything and live how I was living a couple months back, even though I didn't think things weren't real which I still do, I still had that awareness of where my life was at, listening to music was something I enjoyed even with low levels of DP, listening to music now is fucking weird, I'm not connected. My memories are sharp aswell now, and it makes me feel even less human, time is moving drastically faster now, I look at things and everything feels ulra-real, causing me absolutely NO anxiety, but at the same time, I feel fucked beyond repair, with severe derealization, the sensation is still there, but the anxiety about it which use to make me feel atleast more human is gone, i feel like I suffered ego-death or some shit like that.


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## Loveisthekey (Nov 18, 2013)

I feel something similar to what you said about having no anxiety. Today when I was tired I started to have these random thoughts racing in my head, but didn't feel anxious about it. I also feel like I've lost my ego. Anyhow, the best you can do and what I try to do is just remind myself that it is going to be fine and don't start to analyze how you feel again. Just let it be, you have made a step forward which means you aren't stuck. It's still you that's worried about yourself, otherwise you wouldn't have written this article and you'll one day feel as you are supposed to be. Be strong!


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## Guest (Dec 3, 2013)

That will probably be depersonalisation. But please get yourself down to the doctors to be on the safe side, this does not sound normal at all. edit: Sorry that sounded a bit scare monger-ish. No this is a common feeling in dpdr, this will pass


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Haha yep that's how I feel not human anymore ....it feels weird to experience this shit with no anxiety...everything feels planned out, I do not get excited about anything, I do not look forward to anything and socializing feels the same. So what's the use ?


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## Pmz623 (Sep 15, 2013)

I can relate to the music part dude. its not the same


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## Gfeathers (Nov 17, 2013)

I wonder about some medication out here that i think cna contribute to this kind of shit. I started taking Pregabalin which got rid of my crippling anxiety but i felt numb and like i may as wel of lay on my bed with my eyes shut or open as everything was meaningless. Hated it and i got some facial adema, blister like crap on my nose as a side effect too. Lovely. I'm taking Gabapentin now which is licenced in trhe US (i think) for GAD, which i had massively and which was without me being completely aware of it causing my dp, or at least massively contributing to it. I had to bullshit and change GP's to get the Gabapentin in the UK, as i did some research and was buying it off someone. It was such a revelation to me that for me it is working. I felt like i was doing a fking life sentence with this shit, and my whole adult life has been shit because of it. Maybe Gabapentin could help other peopole too? Don't know, we are all different, of coirse and i am no Doctor. I've been able to achieve more or less shit all with this dp bullshit. It is not a psychiatric drug (I personally gave up on all that), it is for nerve damage mainly, but also epilepsy. I took drugs as a teenager that smashed my mind to pieces and left me basically fked. So i believe i damaged my nervous system, which is why for me this nerve related drug is helping. Thank fk for thast, at last.


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## Guest (Jan 7, 2014)

If you feel this way, you're not back in reality yet. Keep on, keep strong


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## MissLana (Jan 12, 2014)

Are there any links to DP/DR and low serotonin levels? People who are depressed often get SSRIs shoved down their throats because they feel a lack of joy, happiness, and a lack of enthusiasm to do anything. This is sort of like DP except you're still connected -- you're just depressed and connected. DP people tend to be depressed AND disconnected, obviously. It makes sense because I'm sure that if you have DP, you are sure as heck battling depression, anxiety, and DP all at once. Those of you who are not on magnesium need to start taking it ASAP because in depressing and anxious times, the body goes through magnesium so fast. In fact, I had this amazing joy and clarity and had an overall sense of happiness with everything around me, today. What did I do? I soaked my feet in an epsom salt bath for 40 minutes and it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Things even started looking more clear and more 3D to me and less blurry. These feelings may not even be DP itself, but, the chemical imbalances and the minerals / resources that the stress, anxiety, and depression use up while we have DP. And, who knows what happens to the brain in this state. I imagine it can't be pretty. Magnesium, fish oil, B vitamins, and Valerian Root (If you don't want to use benzos), and regular epsom salt baths, WILL get you feeling better, I promise. The key to being happy and free of DP is to calm your nervous system, fix some chemical imbalances, and I /think/ raising serotonin also plays into this. Exercise, smiling a lot, certain foods, and even St. John's wort are all natural ways to increase serotonin. More serotonin = a happier brain. And a happier brain = one step closer to being free of this DP hell.

I'm not an expert but lets just say I've done waaaay too much research on all sorts of topics since getting DP.


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