# Is this a hallucination?



## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Ok this is the second time this has happened now. Its happened after I stop skateboarding from being tired (maybe light headed).

Any ways when I closed my eyes I could see a bright image kind of growing. Now the scary thing is when I open my eyes it was still there. Im really scared that this is a type of hallucination because I searched it up and it says it happens when your unconscious or insane.

This lasted for maybe a minute


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## InfiniteDivine (Aug 9, 2011)

this has nothing to do with insanity. Dp maybe, but not insanity. I get images of things like that alll the time. I once thought I was going insane too. I was sure I was entering into early phases of schizophrenia. However, this is not that case at all, this is can promise you.

DPD has many different symptoms. One of them is visual hallucination. I still get it every single day, especially when I wake up or after working out. If you exert yourself a lot, it will probably enhance visual hallucination for a period of time. This is no problem my friend.

I promise it's not related to insanity, i have been exactly where you are.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

I have such a bad fear that im developing schizophrenia that I'm fuking crying right now cause im so god damn scared


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2011)

Jayd said:


> I have such a bad fear that im developing schizophrenia that I'm fuking crying right now cause im so god damn scared


Jayd, it seems NOTHING convinces you. I have told you a million times you don't have schizophrenia. As I said, I have a young cousin who has it. He hears "demons" talking to him telling him to kill himself -- ALL DAY LONG. He thinks the TV is talking to him. He cannot concentrate on school and has been hospitalized about 6 times. He is 16 years old.

Any visual hallucinations he sees are thinking his father looks like a demon and then he wants to "defend himself" by being combative. And I don't know how many times I've said this, he is afraid to wear PANTS. There is absolutely NO LOGIC to it.

He has panic attacks that last hours. Feels the medication he is getting is poison.

He HURTS himself on purpose when the voices tell him to.

He has attacked his siblings as well.

Despite all of this and more, it has taken his parents weeks to get him hospitalized -- lack of beds. A CRIME. At one point his father said to me, "What can I do? Chain him in the basement?"

Schizophrenia is dramatic. Cognition, logic goes out the window.

And no DP DOES NOT CAUSES HALLICINATIONS. It causes hyperawareness of normal bodily functions.

My GOD, I wish you believed me. My cousin lives in Hell. Yes, we have our own personal Hell. But he has no life at all. His future is grim. He is afraid, so afraid and lost it makes me cry.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

I do believe you Dreamer, but a lot of times I feel like I am in the predomal stages to what your cousin has. In the predomal stages you arent a full blown SZ. Thats what I am worried of becoming


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## InfiniteDivine (Aug 9, 2011)

I know exactly what you mean man. I knew for a fact a year ago I was in the beginning stages of schizo, but it's just not true. Fear and anxiety come with DP and right now you're fear and anxiety are so high that you're mind is having thoughts about schizophrenia or insanity because you're world is so strange and so drenched with panic and fear. However, for one thing, you are AWARE of this. You're aware something is wrong which alone proves this has nothing to do with schizo or insanity. If you weren't aware and you weren't have thoughts like "something is strange here" than that could be signs of something other than DP. But this isn't the case with you. You still have logic, you are aware, and you don't think people in the television are talking to you.

Right now, i think the thing that is fueling you most is your fear. With time, this will get better, but you have to make an effort. It's worth seeing a professional counselor and talking to them. Just talking to someone and getting advice can take sooo much weight off your condition. It helps me through my DPD so much. When I first saw my counselor I told him I thought I was schizophrenic or in the very least experiencing psychosis. After just the first session, I began to realize I was making it up. I still see him on a montly or weekly basis, and I gotta say it helps a lot.

Another thing is stop looking at websites regarding symptoms of insanity or schizophrenia or psychosis etc. etc. This will only bring more unnecessary fear to your situation. Just by reading you're first post I can tell that you aren't going crazy man. Everyone thinks they are going nuts when they experience strong feelings of DPD, but believe me when i tell you, this will pass, if you put some effort in.


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2011)

Jayd said:


> Ok this is the second time this has happened now. Its happened after I stop skateboarding from being tired (maybe light headed).
> 
> Any ways when I closed my eyes I could see a bright image kind of growing. Now the scary thing is when I open my eyes it was still there. Im really scared that this is a type of hallucination because I searched it up and it says it happens when your unconscious or insane.
> 
> This lasted for maybe a minute


If you have DP or anxiety, then it's probably a totally normal sensation, you are just worrying on an extreme level. I had these also. You know, everybody knows those moments when you're just waking up, when you're in that half asleep half awake state when you're not sure if you dream something or not. When you have anxiety/DP, you're fucking freaked out that it may be a sign of insanity or a hallucination, but it is something EVERYBODY experiences.


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2011)

Dear Jayden,
As others have said, and I would say this as well, your anxiety, and the DP/DR focus on "Self" and all the activities of our bodies, makes us hyperaware of NORMAL experiences. I think I've said, I have floaters, flashes of light in my eyes from a retinal problem, etc. I don't see these as "hallucinations."

Also, I realize you are AFRAID you will get schizophrenia. But to my knowledge, and knowing individuals WITH it, DP/DR are not prodromal signs. There are other signs. And one would not remain in a long prodromal period. Onset comes on rather quickly and dramatically. ... well something was wrong with my boyfriend for around a year, but it had to do with being unable to socialize, withdrawing into himself, I couldn't understand why he seemed "cold" and distant when he was so loving. He is my hero, alive and kicking, productive, artistic, and yes, still battling that miserable disorder. Ah, he also had some neurological tics. Spasms in his arms and legs. His mother was also schizoprhenic.

Again, I hope you have a therapist to talk with about this. As noted you are going to drive yourself bananas, NOT "crazy" but bananas, lol. Also, there are some psychiatrists and therapists without M.D.'s who will jump at "prodromal" something simply because they are ill informed. Fortuntely I have NEVER had that experience.

You would have other symptoms, such as paranoia, and extremely illogical THOUGHTS. I have spoken with many individuals who have schizoprhenia (my first boyfriend developed it.) He had NO CLUE what I was talking about re: DP. None. There are some individuals with schizophrenia who HAVE DP symptoms, but so do others with depression, OCD, yada, yada.

I wish there were some way to comfort you.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Dreamer* said:


> You would have other symptoms, such as paranoia, and extremely illogical THOUGHTS. I have spoken with many individuals who have schizoprhenia (my first boyfriend developed it.) He had NO CLUE what I was talking about re: DP. None. There are some individuals with schizophrenia who HAVE DP symptoms, but so do others with depression, OCD, yada, yada.


That's the main reason why I think im going SZ. I have paranoid-like thoughts through out the day. And yes I can rationalize them which is good but it worries the shit out of me that I am having delusional-like thoughts to begin with.


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2011)

> Is this a hallucination?


Hah...


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2011)

Try laying in a hospital bed in the hallway of an E.R. while facing a sliding glass door, and every time it opens the outside is a completely different scenery, from cars to trees and buildings etc. etc. And it opens and closes 10 times and every time it is a different world outside. THAT...is a hallucination...


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Hah...


Well sorry that I have a terrible fear of developing SZ man.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Try laying in a hospital bed in the hallway of an E.R. while facing a sliding glass door, and every time it opens the outside is a completely different scenery, from cars to trees and buildings etc. etc. And it opens and closes 10 times and every time it is a different world outside. THAT...is a hallucination...


Ah! But did you believe what you saw?


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Hey guys so it literally just happened again and it happened exactly how the first two happened. So now I know, all three times I have been skateboarding in the sun, I try a lot of tricks and whatever and get tired, then I stop and get light headed and my vision gets like shaky and then I close my eyes and start to see a bright image of what looks like a brain lol. And when I open my eyes I can still see it and when i look around it will over ride whatever im looking at.

It doesn't last for my than a minute.

I did not panic this time, and I am not even that anxious, but I am still hoping this isn't a hallucination


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## Totally DP'D (Jun 8, 2011)

it sounds just like an afterimage to me. Especially if it occurs in bright sunlight. Afterimages are there whether or not your eyes are closed and persist for, well abou a minute..


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

It sounds like you are experiencing what every other human on the planet experiences all of the time when they are in the sun, except you are focusing on as a target for your anxiety


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## Guest (Aug 19, 2011)

Jayd,

*Pablo and, Totally DP'd are right on target.
I agree with them 100%. *

I will try one more time. I don't believe you are going to get schizophrenia. Also note that hallucinations are more likely to be AUDITORY or HEARD. Colors are seen, or one feels they are being touched. These are all perceptual distortions.

"One of the most noticeable of the schizophrenia symptoms are hallucinations. Hallucinations are perceptions in the absence of external stimuli. By far the most common of these misperceptions are referred to as auditory hallucinations, in which people hear sounds and voices which seem to come from outside of their heads. These *voices* may give commands or provide warnings of danger and appear absolutely real to the individual hallucinating. 

Researchers have found that individuals with schizophrenia symptoms such as auditory hallucinations actually produce the nerve signals of the sounds, inside of their brains and then believe that external sources are responsible. One study of these auditory schizophrenia symptoms measured blood flow in Broca's Area, the region of the brain that helps people to produce speech.

These schizophrenia symptoms can also involve any of the other senses. Tactile hallucinations may take the form of tingling, burning, or electric-shock sensations. Somatic hallucinations feel as if something is happening inside the body, such as a snake crawling inside the stomach. Visual hallucinatory schizophrenia symptoms may produce vague perceptions of colors or clouds or distinct visions of people or objects. Individuals with gustatory hallucinations may find that their food or drink tastes strange, and people with olfactory hallucinations smell odors that no one else smells such as the smell of poison or smoke. 

These types of schizophrenia symptoms are not mutually exclusive. Frequently, symptoms such as hallucinations and delusional ideas occur together. For example, a woman hearing hallucinatory commands to take some type of action, may also have the delusions that the commands are being placed in her head by someone else. A man with persecution delusions may also hallucinate the smell of poison in his bedroom and the taste of poison in his coffee. With schizophrenia symptoms, it is often difficult to tell which may come first, with delusions and hallucinations feeding upon each other." 
-----------------------
As I have said so often to others, schizophrenia dramatic and makes an individual unable to function. And what you describe ... I believe these are NORMAL afterimages and you are terrifying yourself with an incorrect concept of what schizophrenia is. Also, individuals with schizophrenia have varying degrees of severity, and there is treatment for a greater quality of life. NOT A CURE.

You aren't going to get schizoprhenia. I'm no doctor, but everything you describe is a preoccupation with normal functions EVERYONE has ... and you have INSIGHT, understanding. You QUESTION whether or not these things are hallucinations.

*Just in simplest terms. Oh and Hell, I forgot to save that link.*


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## Guest (Aug 19, 2011)

Jayd said:


> I do believe you Dreamer, but a lot of times I feel like I am in the predomal stages to what your cousin has. In the predomal stages you arent a full blown SZ. Thats what I am worried of becoming


Whatever prodromal phase my cousin had was very brief. Sadly he changed rather rapidly. And as I've said, I have described DP/DR to individuals with schizoprhenia that I HAVE MET IN PERSON and they don't even know what DP/DR IS. My cousin's father said, "It is as if my son changed overnight." Well he didn't change "overnight" but his decline was relatively rapid and had the signs of withdrawing from all activities, THEN hearing voices that HE BELIEVES ARE REAL. And they are not just "sounds" -- they are VOICES that tell him to kill himself or hurt his siblings.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Jayd

Please see my thread on Mindfulness, it will really help with your SZ OCD/ intrusive thoughts/ anxeity. I posted this in your other SZ thread.

Also, this constant needing confirmation you don't have SZ is becoming an obsession.

Nothing is going to convince you, so you must concentrate on getting your anxeity levels down, as that is feeding the OCD.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> Jayd
> 
> Please see my thread on Mindfulness, it will really help with your SZ OCD/ intrusive thoughts/ anxeity. I posted this in your other SZ thread.
> 
> ...


Oh I know, it's been an obsession since January, soooo mentally exhausting....


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

sounds like a neurological thing.....probably harmless..........i dont think the term hallucination applies to anything you see when your eyes are closed.........i'd mention it to a dr though..........


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## _Gottlieb_ (Nov 6, 2011)

Jayd said:


> That's the main reason why I think im going SZ. I have paranoid-like thoughts through out the day. And yes I can rationalize them which is good but it worries the shit out of me that I am having delusional-like thoughts to begin with.


This post made me register here...

Could you explain what those "paranoid-like" thoughts are ? I'm having the same problem...

Thx !


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## toshibatelly (Sep 13, 2011)

Nah, I get it all the time, so unless we're both going crazy I wouldn't worry too much about it









As others have said a) hallucinations, by defintion, are something you cannot distinguish from reality,







strange shapes, seeing stuff out the corner of your eye etc is a general sign of anxiety/DP/DR, c) with schizophrenia hallucinations tend to be auditory anyway, d) hallucinations tend to have some kind of meaning attached to delusional thinking, for example hearing the voice of God telling you to do his bidding, it wouldn't be a random flicker of light.

I know how you feel about fearing getting it/having it, I do all the time as well but in the end reducing fear of it and reducing general anxiety is the key. If it is going to happen it is going to happen, but it seems unlikely since I doubt schizophrenics, or prospective psychotics of any kind, would be dissecting their every mental process; lack of confidence in your mental processes is a pretty decent sign you aren't going mad. Nobody can promise you, or me, or anyone out there, that we will never go mad but as I've said I don't think the textbook madman cares too much for introspection whereas DP/DR/anxiety sufferers will spend as long as they can stressing over the faults in their thinking.


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## toshibatelly (Sep 13, 2011)

Nah, I get it all the time, so unless we're both going crazy I wouldn't worry too much about it









As others have said:
a) hallucinations, by defintion, are something you cannot distinguish from reality so if it were a hallucination you would just accept it as part of your reality and would certainly not be on here asking questions about it
b strange shapes, seeing stuff out the corner of your eye etc is a general sign of anxiety/DP/DR
c) with schizophrenia hallucinations tend to be auditory anyway 
d) hallucinations tend to have some kind of meaning attached to delusional thinking, for example hearing the voice of God telling you to do his bidding, it wouldn't be a random flicker of light.

I know how you feel about fearing getting it/having it, I do all the time as well but in the end reducing fear of it and reducing general anxiety is the key. If it is going to happen it is going to happen, but it seems unlikely since I doubt schizophrenics, or prospective psychotics of any kind, would be dissecting their every mental process; lack of confidence in your mental processes is a pretty decent sign you aren't going mad. Nobody can promise you, or me, or anyone out there, that we will never go mad but as I've said I don't think the textbook madman cares too much for introspection whereas DP/DR/anxiety sufferers will spend as long as they can stressing over the faults in their thinking.


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## toshibatelly (Sep 13, 2011)

Jayd said:


> That's the main reason why I think im going SZ. I have paranoid-like thoughts through out the day. And yes I can rationalize them which is good but it worries the shit out of me that I am having delusional-like thoughts to begin with.


I've had that, where a delusional thought I'd read about kind of turns into an intrusive thought for me. To illustrate, I read that schizophrenics often believe their thoughts are being stolen, so now I end up worrying that I'm going to start believing my thoughts are being stolen







To outside observers our fears are ridiculous, but I know how you feel Jayd, my rational brain can see that it is unlikely I am going mad, but there is no taming the emotional/anxiety ridden brain which only understands dread and danger and has no time for fact or logic.

Delusions are not intrinsically anxiety-based thoughts, they may cause anxiety (e.g. "Oh fuck the CIA is after me I'd better run") but there is no internal strife in the sufferer as to whether or not something is or is not true, they hold the belief with absolute conviction and refuse to change it when presented with new facts. Whereas you, if you're similar to me anyway, are not really sure about anything whatsoever, that is the difference between the profoundly psychotic and the depersonalization sufferer.


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## _Gottlieb_ (Nov 6, 2011)

toshibatelly said:


> Whereas you, if you're similar to me anyway, are not really sure about anything whatsoever, that is the difference between the profoundly psychotic and the depersonalization sufferer.


That's what makes it complicated









Since I'm not sure about fukkin ANYTHING. Not even my own existence







I'm just not able to convince myself 100 % that those thoughts are stupid. Deep down logically I know that it's bs.... But since those thoughts are so "present" and I'm principally incapable of knowing anything "for sure"... it's really hard to deal with that... It's like I'm just waiting for the moment when I lose the last connection with reality.


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## toshibatelly (Sep 13, 2011)

_Gottlieb_ said:


> That's what makes it complicated
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It is kind of perverse that DP/DR sufferers are not even given the peace of mind which comes from security in your own convictions, even psychotic people have that! We are left to ponder whether what we see is real while the neurotypical, healthy people know that what they see is real, and it is, and the mad at least think what they see is real even if it isn't.

I feel the same way as you, I know, deep down, that my world is real, well as much as I've ever known or anyone ever can know (in truth nobody knows the true nature of reality, or if they do then they ain't telling). All kinds of strange thoughts pop into my head to disturb my reality, I wonder whether I'm mad, in a dream, whether I suffered abuse as a child and can't remember it (I read dissociation can be caused by childhood abuse) etc

I truly believe the secret to a peaceful, anxiety-free life is to not care about anything; sadly only psychopaths seem capable of living a truly anxiety free life, due to their lack of concern for anyone and their lack of fear of anything. It is an unfair world, the scum of the earth get an anxiety free life while decent people suffer....


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Hey thanks toshi for your support, I read this at school today and it made me feel better.


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## sacredrealm (Mar 8, 2011)

I believe there are many different types of what might come under the label "schizophrenia".

And I also imagine that it varies in severity.

I have at times wondered about myself in this way. And at first was also terrified of the idea.

However i usualy conclude its most liley just DP or something

Although my attitude is that any labels are just someones label of a group of "symptoms" or characteristics that happen to be toether. I guess it doesn't really matter what the label is in some cases. 
This I guess helps take some of the fear of whatever lebles away.

Anyway
Many people with conditions thouht to be type of "schizophrenia" can functon fine/just as normal alot of the time, and will display no signs to other peole that anything is even wrong.

To me also schizophrnia doesn't just simply=completley "insane". Just like with "bipolar" or other "conditions". Even though they will vary in severity at different times, and in general.


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## toshibatelly (Sep 13, 2011)

Jayd said:


> Hey thanks toshi for your support, I read this at school today and it made me feel better.


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