# Mornings are absolutely soul crushing



## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

Today was particularly bad. For the past month, my sleep has been totally screwed. No matter when I go to bed I cant stay asleep more than 4.5-5 hours. I dream literally EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Worse my DP is seeping into my dreams. Today I dreamt that I was contemplating a road trip but then remembered how my DP would affect me if I went.

When I wake up its always with this gut wrenching feeling of hopelessness and despair. Even worse I feel that I never completely awoke from the dream and that feeling lingers all day. I experience random sores, body aches and burning sensations which just exacerbates my anxiety. The worst part is I was in a cheerful mood most of last night.

I tried being strong, relaxing but nothing is working. I dont know how much more of it I can take. I havent been officially diagnosed yet but I definitely know im DP'd. It feels like depression and anxiety is what is fueling my DP but at the same time I fear it is something more sinister. I finally caved in and am going to see a doctor next week about WTF is going on with my mind and body. Wish me luck guys


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

I find it harder to deal with DP at night, not sure why... :/


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

Well at least you get to "enjoy" the day


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

shattered memories said:


> Well at least you get to "enjoy" the day


I probably could, but I don't feel like doing much, I only go for a bike ride outside sometimes and do stuff that needs to be done, I'm always "waiting" to feel better so I can start doing things I can enjoy, the thing is I've been feeling better for a while and I didn't do anything interesting yet :/


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

I totally empathize. I keep telling myself ill do such and such when i get "better" but from what I've been reading it doesnt get "better" until you start actually living again.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

shattered memories said:


> I totally empathize. I keep telling myself ill do such and such when i get "better" but from what I've been reading it doesnt get "better" until you start actually living again.


Exactly, isolation doesn't take us anywhere, most people think that they are supposed to go back to normal just because they are on a special diet or because they exercise once in a while, and that won't happen!


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## SongBillong (Sep 20, 2011)

PositiveThinking! said:


> I find it harder to deal with DP at night, not sure why... :/


Same here. Of course, the day is still bad (I'm sure it's the same for you), but I generally feel far more spaced in the evenings. For me, it's partly because of the mixture of bright lights and darkness that just adds to the visual dullness of DP/DR. The very first moments each morning are usually the only times when I feel fairly ok.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

SongBillong said:


> Same here. Of course, the day is still bad (I'm sure it's the same for you), but I generally feel far more spaced in the evenings. For me, it's partly because of the mixture of bright lights and darkness that just adds to the visual dullness of DP/DR. The very first moments each morning are usually the only times when I feel fairly ok.


Yeah the day is still bad, and it keeps on getting worse by the minute, but it's still not as bad as it was 3 years ago so I can't complain really.

Like here's the biggest example, I used to go outside for a bike ride at night and I felt pretty bad, even though it got better in time but there's no comparing that with riding my bike in the morning, I woke up at 5 or 6 AM today and went for a 1 hour ride, I'm feeling god damn good I must say, and that might be the key somehow, doing something you REALLY enjoy in the morning, feeling happy for it and the rest of the day will probably be less crappy ^^


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## Lauren318 (Apr 15, 2012)

Soul Crushing is exactly how I ould describe my mornings as well. I feel COMPLETELY out of it, and extremely depressed. A heavy depression that makes it near impossible to get out of bed. It lifts slowly as the day goes on (although I'm always very depressed) And my weird thoughts are often worse when I wake up


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

Am so sorry Lauren







I can totally relate and feel horrible anyone else has to suffer like this. Are you currently taking meds?

@PostiveThinking / Songbillong: Do you guys suffer from depression or just DP? I suffer from all three: anxiety/depression/DP and its so fucking hard to get motivated to do anything because each illness affects the other.

I finally broke down today and went to the urgent care clinic because I couldnt take it anymore. Its not normal for someone to not be able to sleep more than 4.5 hours for 4 weeks. I was convinced there was something physically wrong with me. I told her EVERYTHING (which was a LOT) I had been experiencing. She didnt really acknowledge the DP aspect(as expected) but said I had significant depression and anxiety. Really surprised she didnt prescribe me an antidepressant but clonazepam instead. She basically said everything was stemming from the fact that my anxiety was preventing me from getting a good sleep. If I the clonazepam doesnt help then I might to get on with SSRIs as well.

Im really bummed she didnt do any bloodwork other test but at least she affirmed to me that (based on my age and symptoms or lack of) the chance of a brain tumor is extremely low.


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## SongBillong (Sep 20, 2011)

shattered memories said:


> @PostiveThinking / Songbillong: Do you guys suffer from depression or just DP? I suffer from all three: anxiety/depression/DP and its so fucking hard to get motivated to do anything because each illness affects the other.


My mum thinks I've been suffering from depression for the past couple of years, but I don't know. Like you, I do feel massively unmotivated but I get 'highs' every now and then so it's confusing...


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

shattered memories said:


> @PostiveThinking / Songbillong: Do you guys suffer from depression or just DP? I suffer from all three: anxiety/depression/DP and its so fucking hard to get motivated to do anything because each illness affects the other.


I've been depressed for a few months after I got DP/DR, I was on Fluoxetine for quite a long time and I guess it worked, haven't been depressed in ages, also Clonazepam might help you out, just saying because I hate medication and Clonazepam is the only benzo that actually does "something" , it does so much that after stopping medication months ago I still buy Clonazepam and use it when I'm extremely anxious


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## stranger in the mirror (Feb 24, 2012)

I also dream every single night about the most bizare things, and during the day i keep having flashbacks of my dreams there often linked to specific places i dremt about.

my mornings are also verry bad, but there nothing in comparising to the disconection i feel towards my famely friends and feelings of me.

i sort of recoverd from my anxiety







and i think the rest will come with time, i finish college and directly got a fulltime job wich helped me a lot







i work out every single day, dont use drugs anymore and dont drink alcohol wich also makes a big difference. also a high protien diet helped alot.

i think with a few monts i maybe am dp free (i hope so) and if not i realy dont care, i accepted this shit for wath is.


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

hey PT!, how long did it take for you began noticing improvement with the benzo / prozac? Im on day one and i notice I feel a little less lightheaded/foggy.

@ stranger...have you talked to your dr. about why you dream every night? It doesn't feel normal to have dreams every single night, like there is an underlying physical cause. And yes the disconnection from family and friends is the absolute worst







but its good to here you're not letting it get you down =!


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

shattered memories said:


> hey PT!, how long did it take for you began noticing improvement with the benzo / prozac? Im on day one and i notice I feel a little less lightheaded/foggy.


The benzo was instant, Prozac took around 1/2 weeks I guess


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## stranger in the mirror (Feb 24, 2012)

no i havent talked about it with my dr. but anxiety can cause bizare dreams every night and i think its because of my diet i do bodybuilding and before i go to bed i eat 500 grams of cream cheese i dont know the word in english but in holland we call it kwark







haha but there is alot of protien an l-tryptophan in it and that amino acid causes dreaming almost the same as 5htp


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## Guest (Jul 24, 2012)

shattered memories said:


> Today was particularly bad. For the past month, my sleep has been totally screwed. No matter when I go to bed I cant stay asleep more than 4.5-5 hours. I dream literally EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Worse my DP is seeping into my dreams. Today I dreamt that I was contemplating a road trip but then remembered how my DP would affect me if I went.
> 
> When I wake up its always with this gut wrenching feeling of hopelessness and despair. Even worse I feel that I never completely awoke from the dream and that feeling lingers all day. I experience random sores, body aches and burning sensations which just exacerbates my anxiety. The worst part is I was in a cheerful mood most of last night.
> 
> I tried being strong, relaxing but nothing is working. I dont know how much more of it I can take. I havent been officially diagnosed yet but I definitely know im DP'd. It feels like depression and anxiety is what is fueling my DP but at the same time I fear it is something more sinister. I finally caved in and am going to see a doctor next week about WTF is going on with my mind and body. Wish me luck guys


I get enough sleep, but I have that dream following me during the day too. I also feel hopeless and despaired when I wake up, but this fades out after two hours when I had some coffee and direct my mind to other things. I don´t get "random sores" but it´s like someone has cut me with a sword on the left side of my upper body having made a gorge that opens up to the world making my nerves less defended against impressions. I get burning sensations too.


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

damn...i feel for you bro. what particular thoughts go through your mind when wake up? for me its the despair...feeling trapped in my own mind and body...nothing is real, nothing matters.

i wonder how much a role depression plays in this or if this is simply a distillation of our dp in the morning. since starting the benzo i feel like its taken the edge off that gut feeling but its still there and very distressing.


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## Guest (Jul 25, 2012)

shattered memories said:


> i wonder how much a role depression plays in this or if this is simply a distillation of our dp in the morning. since starting the benzo i feel like its taken the edge off that gut feeling but its still there and very distressing.


Don´t know if there´s depression but I think you can have similar experiences as depressed people without it being clinical for you.


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## buzy (Jun 15, 2012)

hey how r u well this is my first reply on this forum so I just want to say to you you have my compassion im in the same boat dp triggered by the ridiculous prescription of psych meds and an ensuing horrid c/t of benzos. please if you go to the doctor try not to go down the psych med path they can be helpful im sure at the start but a lot of them actually make dp worse. I have had dp before several times and it did go away. anyway i to feel for you mate i really do.

all the best

buzy


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

Thanks buzy







It really is comforting to know others can relate to what I am going through and I have the support and compassion of others. I definitely dont want to be on meds long term so I will do what i can about that. Best wishes to you as well!


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## Fearthainn (Feb 19, 2009)

I find that in the morning one of the first things that crosses my mind is "will I manage to feel normal today or not?". Obviously this sets me up for a fall and I become nervous pretty much instantly. I spend the day calming myself down and feel better in the evening. It's amazing how much insight most of us seem to have yet are powerless to get over it.


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## stranger in the mirror (Feb 24, 2012)

i agree with buzy about dont go down the meds road, i have been on that road and it made it much worse, xanac helped me but if you take it to long and than stop with taking benzo's it wil gett worse, i have been on ad's and ap's and they made my dp go trough the roof.

what helps for me is just living healthy, workout alot, start running and take some supps like omega 3 and magnesium, also keep your mind busy even when it seems blank like mine it wilk help







the last day i have improved alot







it finaly menagble.

wish you the best of luck


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

thanks bud! i got some b12 today but will look into the omegas. i been trying to excercise but i had a mini panic attack while walking the block a couple times







i think ill try strength training like u.

@fearthainn....its so true what you say. we know what to do but applying it and making it work is another story


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

mine is awful in the morning to.. i wake up to a complete panic and disoreintation... i feel nothing at all makes sense and life is jsut too weird!


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## catatonia (Jul 29, 2012)

yes, mine is horrible in mornings, too. the first thing i do when i wake up is checking if the dr/dp is still there. and - what suprise- it is.. 
but i try to kick these thoughs away and try to focus on something else. i'm not sucessful every day but i'm sure - sooner or later the day whitout waking up and having dr/dp will come...


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

God I know what you mean Cat. My morning are getting better thanks to the meds but I hate waking up every morning thinking..."is it gone yet?" And of course that sets the tone for the day...


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