# My Story



## TheGolfer (Jun 8, 2017)

Hello All,

I've been viewing the threads on this website for a few months now and I'm finallly getting the courage to post something. My first bout with DP was at the end of 2009 a month after a really bad marijuana trip while on a partying trip. The month after that bar trip everything seemed fine until a friend of mine brought up some trippy philosphies about existence and reality... and BAM from that second I was full blown in DP. I went to therapist and psychiatrist but no one could understand what was going on or what I was exepericing I felt really alone. The first 3-4 months were the hardest but I eventually got used to living with it and accepted it as my new way of thinking. I would notice that as time went on slowly but surely the intrusive thoghts were staring to fade away. In November of 2010 a year after it first started my grandma who I was really close to and used to visit a lot during my DP phase suddenly passed away and I was devestared and heart broken. I cried for 2 weeks straight. Surprisingly my brain was so focused on the fact that I lost someone and life is to short that all other intrusive thoghts just vanished. I started to live life normally after that. I opened a few franchise businesses, made a lot of friends, moved out on my own, got engaged to the love of my life just normal life things. I still had anxiety slightly during this period but it would be about death and what comes after. Fast forward to Jan 2017 while on a couples snowboarding trip I decided to try smoking weed again. I thought time had passed and I had grown up and things were different. DP was the last thing on my mind. I had a bad trip but managed to get thru the night with help of my fiancé. The next day I woke up feeling ok but a little off. I figured it was the bad trip and it would slowly fade away in a few hours or maybe a day. When it didn't, I started researching the topic and came across DP and had an anxiety attack and ever since then these obsessive thoughts started again. It lasted pretty strong all of February and then in March it slowly started to come back because I was anxious about going out of the country with my fiancé. We ended up traveling together anyway and I had an amazing time but still couldn't shake the feelings of DP. Then in April it started to get better again and all through May I was feeling good. Keeping myself busy with work, trying to get back to hanging out with friends, going to the gym and playing a lot of golf really helped me. I would start to look forward to the weekends and started to feel excited that the DP was slowly starting to go away. Then last week my fiancé started to feel pain in her abdomen. I didn't really give it that much thought the first couple days thinking it would go away in a day or so. It didn't and we had to go to the doctor to get an ultrasound.. I don't know if it was the anxiety of dealing with that or something else but last Wednesday an intrusive thought about reality and such popped into my head and ever since then I feel liken I'm back in square 1. Sorry for my rambling and I know I'm a really bad at getting my thoughts out in writing so I hope this makes sense. I guess what I'm looking for is hope that I'll get back to 100 percent again. I know I've done before and I just hope that it'll come again for me. Please try to keep this thread as positive as possible as positivity is what I need right now.

-TheGolfer


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## LoveYourz (May 29, 2016)

You've over come this once already, that should give you confidence that not only can it be overcome but you specifically have had the strength to get over it.

By the sound of your post you have got lots going on in your life, so stress and anxiety are only natural. Remember to accept how you feel no matter what, let the strange philosophical ruminations come, live life alongside the anxiety. If you have adrenaline rushes, panic, strange thoughts - just live along side them, don't try to repress them or solve them - just let them be and eventually they will subside and you will be fine.

Best wishes,

Ryan


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## Flavius (Jun 11, 2016)

Prior to my DP condition I was such interested in philosophy, especially existental philosophy, and quantum physics and the question of reality as we perceive it. Quantum physics states that external world on it's own core doens't exist, everything is energy field etc. Back then this popular science intrigued me,* now it's freaking me out. :O *

I think your DP is triggered by anxiety of perceving reality by exposing yourself to such a philosophy. I was into philosophy and mistery teaching since I was teen from time to time, back then was interesting. Now, it's annoying and fearful. Now I know that my high social anxiety back in the teen and adolescent days was motivated to drown myself into mistery of life and living exposing myself to the many philosophical and mistery books and TV series and movies.

There are milions out there who are drown into philosophical books and teachings but still they didn't experience depersonalization, because they have strong confidence in themselves and they don't apply philosophy they are interested to they own life.

Also, there are milions who smoked weed on daily basis and they didn't experience depersonalization, at least not to prolonged period of time.


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