# Advice for helping my boyfriend.



## Danimals (Jul 2, 2010)

My boyfriend suffers from Depersonalization/Disassociation he has panic attacks when put under extreme stress. I want to help him I hate seeing him suffer he is my world but I feel so helpless when he has his bad days. I don't understand how he feels because I do not have DP. Our relationship has suffered greatly because I just do not understand what he is going through I want too I want to know how to help him any suggestion on how to understand DP and "deal" with someone who has it so it lessens the stress on the both of us. I love him so much please if any one has any advice please let me know. I will answer any question you may have for me if it'll help. Thank you.


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2010)

Many here say DP is a protective fight or flight mechanism that is stuck on protect mode. If you have ever been in any extreme situation, that is what it feels like, all the time. What would help you understand is reading "Feeling Unreal", the book, or even browsing around the forum here. Peace.


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## Variable Pitch (May 2, 2010)

Advice? Naw. Don't got none. But I can prehaps tell you what something like this is like. I'm good with written words.

Alright. Imagine yourself in a web, like a spiders web or a neuron.

But this isn't the bad thing, your not trapped, your at the center and the web is under your control.

Every relationship you make, every freind you let into your life, your neighbors, your schoolmates, your lovers, your enimies or those you barely tolerate, who you associate with, all your family members you talk to are all different strands in this web that makes up how you see yourself. All the actions you take during the day strengthen this web of how you see yourself, how you see the world. The little things that let you know that you are YOU. What makes you feel real, alive, happy, connected, solid.

Your connected to a network of thousands of other people, thousands of other webs that makes up the whole of human experience. We are social animals, we live in a social world and define ourselves by what we see in other people, other networks, other webs. That is part of being human, being you.

Now imagine that web is cut. Maybe all at once, maybe slowly over time, but the end result is the same: For some reason or another, you no longer feel "connected" to all the other people around you. You feel like its unreal, or your going to wake up to something better. The actions you take do not reassure you are you, nothing feels "solid" anymore, the web of support and personal reassurance that you made from the start of your life to now blows away or errodes till its nothing but a ghost of what it used to be.

Now you see things differently. Your out of the network. The things and people around you seem "dull", almost alien. Part of something you do not see or can't relate to. You question everything now, feel apart of nothing or no one. Now it's a struggle to do anything. You see black when others see white, feel like it's storming when it's sunny outside, find no joy in the things other people delight in. So now what?

Some people get angry. Some get depressed. Some try and just go through the motions, hoping they'll snap out of it sooner or later. Some find faith. Other loose it. Some people fight it, go on medication. Some start talk therapy. Some people have been living like this for so long they can't imagine life any different. Some kill themselves because they see no way back to connecting to their reality, their life. How you handle it is going to vary from person to person, experience to experience. But the feelings are usually the same from case to case. It's there.

That's kinda like what DP is like. At least that's what I can see from my own experience. Hope this helps.


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## Danimals (Jul 2, 2010)

Variable Pitch said:


> Advice? Naw. Don't got none. But I can prehaps tell you what something like this is like. I'm good with written words.
> 
> Alright. Imagine yourself in a web, like a spiders web or a neuron.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I just wish I could help him more than I am now. It's like he just wants to run away from everything we have & only focus on the bad things that happen not the good.


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## Rogue Bullies (Jun 1, 2010)

1. I high suggest you both read on the pages on the road to recovery section.

2. Whatever you do, do not stress him out. Even if he is doing something that makes no since to you just try and support him and go with it. Since you do not have DP you can not fully understand what he is going through right now or the reasoning. You may understand the concept, but not the terrible feeling you get from it. Try to support him as much as you can and keep stress as low as possible. DP is anxiety related and he needs to get that under control before he can get rid of the DP.

Good luck!


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## Danimals (Jul 2, 2010)

Rogue Bullies said:


> 1. I high suggest you both read on the pages on the road to recovery section.
> 
> 2. Whatever you do, do not stress him out. Even if he is doing something that makes no since to you just try and support him and go with it. Since you do not have DP you can not fully understand what he is going through right now or the reasoning. You may understand the concept, but not the terrible feeling you get from it. Try to support him as much as you can and keep stress as low as possible. DP is anxiety related and he needs to get that under control before he can get rid of the DP.
> 
> Good luck!


I will keep that in mind and try my best not to stress him out more than I know he already is. Thank you.


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## TheHollowMan (Jul 9, 2010)

The reason he focuses on the bad is because that is all there is. He exists in a world w/o people. He may see you, he may hear you, but he can't feel you. Its like living in a world with ghosts. My DP comes from a betrayal. I understand why I feel the way I do but I can't heal. Understanding helps me function though. Maybe if he can understand where his DP comes from he can start to become more functional too... I'm only 17 so no promises, but this is the best I have.


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