# Another success story (kinda)



## soulallnighter (Jan 14, 2011)

Hey guys
long time reader first time writer (another one of those ltrftw's who think they've got all the answers lol). Sorry that this is a massive rant, but in my experience i was always happy to read long posts if they were positive.

Anyway, ive been going through this shit since mid last year, peaking around the time i was finishing my honours year at uni, which is not really surprising at all. I'm not really sure exactly what triggered it, but i pretty much tick all the boxes for possible causes. Extreme stress from uni, some personal history of anxiety and also a family history of anxiety and depression, terrible sleep patterns, and off course i've smoked a bit of weed in my time, plus i had my first ever bad acid trip a couple of month before (horrible experience). I was hoping to wait till i was %100 recovered before i posted on this forum, if at all, but after reading a recent post by drguy (Do people ever recover?) I was prompted to add my little bit of positivity to the site. I can totally relate to what he said about being inspired and given hope by peoples recovery posts but also being worried by the number of people who, although they say there recovered or recovering often post again later with relapse posts. It's only natural to want to hear genuine, complete and happy recovery stories from people and its easy to fall into the negative thinking patterns that maybe very few people ever really recover. This was one of the reasons i wanted to wait until i was feeling completely better but the truth is it can be a long process and i am about to go travelling for a couple of month (fingers crossed it all goes well with this shit).

Ok, so what is my actual point. Firstly I just wanted to say that i have gotten a lot of hope and determination from reading the positive posts on this site, and i know that every one makes a difference, especially when there is, understandably, so much wallowing and negativity. I would almost feel a bit selfish to get so much advice with out giving anything back. Looking up DP information and stories online can be doubly dangerous, firstly because there is so much negativity to begin with, and secondly because the very nature of the condition makes you so much more sensitive to negativity. I remember times when i would be searching the net and find a whole bunch of hopeful inspiring posts, but then it would only take one post of someone saying something like "this is a living nightmare which you can never get rid off" to set me off again with more panic and anxiety.

This is one the main reasons why mindful and meditation are such important tools in fighting this problem. Not only does it truly calm your central nervous system, which is obviously a very good thing, it also teaches you to be far more aware of your own thoughts, particularly the negative ones. Even as i am undeniably recovering I still find myself with thoughts like, maybe i can get better to this point but it will never go away completely, i'll never get back to the way i was, i'll never be reallly happy again. But then i think, this is typical paranoid thinking. I can't deny to myself that i feel better, but the anxious part of my mind (which I often find myself personifying as a mischievous little devil) still tries to convince me of the worst case scenario.

I, like probably pretty much everyone here, was totally guilty of over analyzing and trying to think my way out of the problem. Because of this i feel like i could rant for hours on varying theories and ideas about why it happens and how our minds are involved. Some of them may in fact be quite valid and interesting but there actual usefulness is limited. It is important to try to understand and come to terms with depersonalization, but once you know enough to understand what you have to do there is a fine line between understanding and wallowing/rumination.

So at this point you probably just want to know how in particular I got better.
Well, not surprisingly, i don't have any miracle cure to offer you. In fact I can only really reiterate all the positive techniques that have already been explained time and again in various posts.

Stay positive, it can't hurt you so why are you so scared. You can get your life back, but you need to stop panicking. 
As i said mindfulness and meditation are very useful tools, they helped me a lot but i still need to practice it a lot more. Another lesson from mediation is patience. The road to recovery can be unbelievable frustrating at times so you need a massive effort of patience and determination not to go backwards. Be aware of your thought spirals and be aware of your power to move forward.

Stay healthy of course. Good diet, good sleeping patterns, not too much alcohol and caffeine, and lay off the recreation drugs obviously. These things may not be fix's in themselves but it is blindingly obvious that a healthy body is massively important for a healthy mind. (This is an area that i definitely still need improvement in myself)

Get on with life! One thought I often found useful was, even in the absolute worst case that i can never get rid of this (which i don't really believe) what use is panicking and wallowing? Are you really gonna spend your life sitting in a dark room freaking out? It's obviously not helping the situation. And even if you find it difficult to feel joy from your activities or an emotional connection with others you love, you can at least make the selfless act of getting involved and doing things for their sake. You might not feel it but you know that you love these people and you know that they will get get joy and relief from hanging out with you and seeing you do normal things. And truthfully, even if it doesn't seem like it, you are helping yourself the most. Distraction is one of the most important things of all, and it shouldn't be a chore. It means that doing things you love, indulging yourself (particularly things like music, movies, games, sports), is also incredibly therapeutic.

Finally to the subject of Meds. I personally found the idea of taking medication and particularly becoming Dependant on something very unattractive. I have been lucky enough to stay off any major medication and i plan on keeping it that way. I do think this is the best method, not only are the possible side effects worrying, doing it it without meds allows you stay in control, gives you confidence in yourself, particularly if you have relapse, and is a lot more satisfying. Having said this I do not wish to be at all judgmental, even though i was initially very against medication i got to a point where i realized i would try anything if there was some hope it would work and i'm sure they have been very useful for a lot of people. Luckily for me I began to feel a little better not so long after I was desperate. 
What i did take was Valium for a short period to get through the final few weeks of uni, and occasionally since then too (which has been about a month and a half). This was very helpful at times, but even though It was only about 2.5 mg at most once a day I am trying to stop completely from the horror stories iv'e heard about Valium addiction. I've got some for travelling but only in case of emergency.
I have also been taking gingo biloba and st johns wart regularly which certainty don't hurt and are meant to be good for mental capacity and anxiety/depression.

Well that was an epic rant. Hope it's useful for someone and feel free to ask me questions. At the very least I just wanted to say thanks for the support.

P.S This is totally not helpful but i just wanted to know if anyone else felt that the feeling of detachment got worse when you put on glasses? It still happens to me to some extent and I thought it was interesting considering that one of the most common metaphors used to describe DP is to be trapped behind a glass wall with reality on the other side, since glasses like separate you from the world with a glass wall.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

> Get on with life! One thought I often found useful was, even in the absolute worst case that i can never get rid of this (which i don't really believe) what use is panicking and wallowing? Are you really gonna spend your life sitting in a dark room freaking out? It's obviously not helping the situation.


This is what I'm talking about! I think that this realization is the turning point that determines if you are going to allow yourself to recover or not. I clearly remember this as being the point at which I started to get better. I just realized one day that I couldn't keep on freaking out. And you make a very good point. If you are going to have dp for the next 50 years, are you seriously going to spend those 50 years in bed freaking out about how you feel? In what way does freaking out about how you feel ever help the situation? It doesn't. Not even a little bit. In fact, freaking out just feeds the part of the brain that is creating dp and makes the dp stronger and stay longer.

Thanks for this awesome post. Congrats on feeling better!


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## Kitr (Jul 7, 2009)

So you also felt liek zombie even when you were doing things that you liked?

Oh i'm not alone







But yea its getting better for me also.

Thanks!!!


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

Thanks for your thoughts; happy to hear that things are getting better for you. I'm definitely having a great life, even with dp, and it's great to remember that dp can't keep me from it.


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## amandamac (Jan 13, 2009)

soulallnighter said:


> P.S This is totally not helpful but i just wanted to know if anyone else felt that the feeling of detachment got worse when you put on glasses? It still happens to me to some extent and I thought it was interesting considering that one of the most common metaphors used to describe DP is to be trapped behind a glass wall with reality on the other side, since glasses like separate you from the world with a glass wall.


Yes. For me it gets a lot worse. My vision gets better (surprise surprise), but the detachment adds another foot between me and the rest of the world.


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