# Why I cannot accept it, and move on?



## sunjet (Nov 21, 2014)

People say that in order to recover from this DP you need to forget yourself, to stop fighting it, accept it, distract yourself and just live your life.

So, I'm on the way of recovery. I had ~2 years of DP, and started recovery 1 month a go. I feel much better now, because I'm way less anxious and worried BUT deeply down I can't accept this DP, maybe that's why it's still lingers now and can't break the last layer of it.

It's like I can laugh, I can have fun, be sad, I let my body feel, and don't analyse everything, but anyway it's feels strange, it's like it is really you feeling that way or you are just pretending to?

The reason I'm deeply afraid to let it go, it's because I'm afraid it will get worse and will kill my inner "me". I will not question anymore if I still in DP or not, I will not check myself, I will just live my life, I will not question how I feel. I trained my mind that if I can question my mental state = i'm still ME. I am scared sometimes.

One of reason is because people who gone mad/insane, they don't question their "disorder" anymore. Maybe I will not become out of DP, but opposite of it, I will go mad until I will not be able to question my existence.

It's like I'm afraid of losing my "ME". I'm afraid of losing control of my mind or body. My body will go on its way of existence, but my self conscious will disappear.

And yeah, I think I have a setback of some sort. I'm physically very calm, but mentally I have deep down some of fears that maybe makes my DP still lingering after 1 month of recovery.

What should I do, or what advices do you have?


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## alicecr (Nov 13, 2014)

Hi, I just post something very similar. I still get the fear of losing the real ME, of not knowing who I am, afraid that maybe somehow the real me got lost during this time. This thoughts don't get me physical anxious, but I'm not still able to shake them off. I have to remind myself that everything is getting better and just say to the DP that I don't care about it, this calms my thoughts a bit.

But, I can totally relate to your fears of going mad. I hope you keep feeling better.


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## PseudoEthical (Jan 2, 2015)

I dunno, I think DPDR is linked to narcissism. Maybe you're scared of giving up your narcissistic obsessive thoughts that you've had most of your life? At least that's how it was for me. I believe who WE are is our experience more than anything. Our feelings, our observing brain, our senses. The part that's more or less repressed in DPDR. I believe I've truly been a fool by not valuing my own experience and happiness enough. I can still use my cultivated intelligence down the line. But I realize that it's not as important as I thought it was and I need to give up my attachment to it. Your experiences and mindful observations will teach you more than all of this thought will. Just to be clear, I think it's a specific type of narcissism, a very unique type. Very internalized, so I'm not saying you're a narcissist.


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