# I think I will explode or have a nervous breakdown...



## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Hello, I just can't do this anymore. I am not going to commit suicide because who knows what is on the other side, maybe it is worse, and maybe I will still have DP. At work tonight, I had moments where I checked in with myself and felt like my head was full of cotton, people look weird to me (the whole human race seems bizarre). Friends of mine have said the human race is bizarre, but when you don't have DP, you can go back to your normal bizarre human life. I swear, I will wind up in a mental institution.

I feel like I am really holding my breath, and it isn't easy to let loose. I feel if I could breath better, maybe I wouldn't feel so crappy. I am in hell, and I didn't know I could be so far in this hole. If I ever get better, then I will never take anything for granted, and anything else that happens to me that isn't DP related but is stressful will seem like nothing in comparison.

I also worry about having out of the blue, a dissociative fugue or amnesia. I am concerned about developing dissociative identity disorder, but I heard there is no such thing as adult onset of this.

Since I have had DP and obsessed about our existence, I have become very distrustful and paranoid. Can anyone else relate, or could this be a symptom of schizophrenia? I get paranoid because I really wonder what I am doing here, and I start to wonder what it's all about and create a lot of scary scenarios relating to this.

Please help me anyone! I feel like a balloon who is going to explode. Thanks for listening!


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## Jms (Feb 4, 2010)

Relax!!!! Take deep breath in though the nose and slowy exhale from the mouth. It helps train the Amygdala to relax. Try this video 



 I did it tonight it help me alittle, I had a very bad night also


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## The Goat (Feb 23, 2010)

I know how you feel. I just don't know where I am sometimes. I look at people I've known for years and feel uncomfortable being near them. I act how I think I should be acting and not how I want to act.

Unfortunately for all of us, there really isn't much we can do. I feel terrible for you and I know you're sick of dealing with it, but you shouldn't lose hope. It's important to stay relaxed because letting it bother you and constantly thinking about it isn't going to help. Find things you enjoy doing and commit yourself to them. Try to lose yourself in learning a new skill or hobby. I hope some of this was useful to you.


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## PSUgirl (Apr 8, 2010)

Hi 2deep, 
lol at THE GOAT'S name, how did u come up with that? haha

Well i know almost exactly how u feel. when the DP first started for me i felt the same way for a couple of months. I thought i was going to either disappear, my head was going to explode, create a double personality to deal with stress, Blackout, Blackout and not be able to come out of it. I made a whole bunch of stuff up in my head. Well I have had this thing for a year now and NONE of that has happened. And you are not going to develop schizophrenia from this either. This unreal feeling and everything is where it stops. I talked about these kind of fears with my therapist and she told me that none of that was going to happen. People with DP usually feel like this, but none of that happens. When you start having those fears just take deep breaths and let it pass. Are you seeing a counselor? It is really good to talk about these fears to her/him. 
take care.


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## 2deepathinker (Aug 17, 2009)

Thank you all for your posts. I really appreciate it. I am so bummed about the DP. There is really no where to run. I was relaxing today and I was looking at my arms, and I felt like they weren't my arms. It was horrible. I am so tired of this fear. I hope tomorrow is a better day for all of us!


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Just remember that DP is really a liar, and even though you'll read everywhere "reality testing remains intact" with DP, this is not entirely true. All those weird thoughts you have now, that seems so real and important and which are so hard to let go, will just disappear when you recover. You won't be able to remember why you thought about those things at all, and they will just seem silly! Reality is reality, dp is not. 
Just like dreaming makes it hard to have a free will and you will follow any feeling or thought in a dream, dp drowns you in your own imagination, and you're not firmly enough secured in reality to have the power to dismiss the things you experience as meaningless.


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