# Recovery



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I'm not going to lie, I'm frustrated. My recovery has been at a stale mate for a year. I recovered to the point that I have no dp and very mild dr and I've stopped there. I feel like I'm 5 feet from the finish line with my feet stuck in cement. As I look back over the past year I can see how I have made subtle improvements in some areas but I've also reverted in others. A year ago I had 3-d vision the majority of the time. That's no longer the case. I rarely have that happen now. On the other hand, I now have floods of memory of what reality felt like when I look at a picture or think of a memory. That is new. 4 times this past year i reconnected with reality. The first time was for 10 minutes and I cried like a baby. The other times have been for 20 to 30 minutes. Just random flukes that are amazing but it's been 3 months since the last time and I feel discouraged. I feel like the worst part is knowing I can't do anything at all to fully recover. I've had this 3 years. I've tried everything. Counseling, Tommygunz suppliment lists, medications, medical tests, self help books, religious stuff. I've tried it all and i've come to realize that the only thing I can do is just to not think about it at all and live my life. So i've done that and recovered to this point and just stopped recovering. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm honestly kind of angry about it honestly. But I mean, what can I do? I've already tried everything.


----------



## AussiePheonix (Dec 5, 2012)

After just 3 months I've had enough.


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Susto said:


> this is far from 'everything'
> 
> have you tried Harris harrington program? have you tried writting a personal narrative?


Yes I have written a personal narriative. No I haven't tried any cd set an don't plan to. My dp is from trauma, not a simple biproduct of anxiety. I've gone extensive periods with no anxiety since getting dp and my dp didn't go away.


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

AussiePheonix said:


> After just 3 months I've had enough.


That's how I felt in the beginning too. At around that period of time the thought of one year with dp was more than I could handle, let alone 3 years. I decided I was going to kill myself if i got to a year. Thankfully it gets easier as time passes. I'm relieved now because I see how much I would have missed out on.


----------



## DP boy (Mar 20, 2012)

your very close valley girl i can tell from reading your post your an eppifany away from recovery


----------



## DarkMatter (Nov 18, 2011)

Hey the fact that you have had moments to reconnect with reality means it is curable. I have also recovered like 99% over the past 2 years and the past year I just feel like dp/dr barely bothers me, yet its still there enough so I can barely feel emotion. This past month I have felt love, but of a lost ex gf who slept with my friend but it is the most I have felt in over 3 years. I think to be fully cured you have to fix the underlying issue that caused it in the first place. For me I think it is that I am scared to feel emotion and I have to stop fearing it.


----------



## JackDanielß (Nov 28, 2012)

See how these nonrecovery stories prove that distraction is not the cure?


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

JackDanielß said:


> See how these nonrecovery stories prove that distraction is not the cure?


I would argue that distraction is a big key to recovery though. When you have dp/dr you get caught up on internal focus. You constantly think about how you feel, obsess that something horrify is wrong with you, etc. Dp/dr are defense mechanism against a perceived threat and the only thing that constant rumination does is feed that threat signal. You won't even begin to recover until you stop telling your brain there's something terrifying that it needs to hide from. For me, behavior therapy and distraction has been the key to me recovering to the point that I have. I had to actually stop myself from having those thoughts. I spent a year having all day panic attacks and paralyzed by my dp. I seriously just sat in bed and went through the non stop loop of "I feel dead, everything looks unreal, I don't know who I am, I don't know where I am, I recognize all this stuff but feel no attachment to it, I feel like I'm going to disappear" etc. I would just be freaking out over all of that stuff. I had to learn to change that so every time I would have an "I feel" thought I would stop myself. I would say in my mind or outloud "Stop it. These are lies dp is telling you" and then I would make a point of focusing on something outside of myself. I would say that distraction in the form of sitting in your house watching tv or playing video games all day and never leaving the house is not a healthy means of distraction. For me, sitting in a public place and watching other people going about their normal lives really helped me. I felt connected to the world. So I made myself get out of bed, bathe, eat, and leave my house. On days where I had horrible dp and just wanted to isolate, I asked my room mate to drag my butt out of bed and get me out of the house. I actually had a day like that this past weekend. I was coming down with a bug and I had really bad dr. I called my friend and asked him to come over and drag me out of the house. He did and I felt better.

So in essence, distraction is a very effective method to change obsessive thought patterns that feed dp. But what is equally as important is to not stop living your life. You have to keep on truckin. Keep on doing things that make you happy. In time the numbness will go away and you'll be able to enjoy them again.


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

DarkMatter said:


> Hey the fact that you have had moments to reconnect with reality means it is curable. I have also recovered like 99% over the past 2 years and the past year I just feel like dp/dr barely bothers me, yet its still there enough so I can barely feel emotion. This past month I have felt love, but of a lost ex gf who slept with my friend but it is the most I have felt in over 3 years. I think to be fully cured you have to fix the underlying issue that caused it in the first place. For me I think it is that I am scared to feel emotion and I have to stop fearing it.


You are very right.


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

DP boy said:


> your very close valley girl i can tell from reading your post your an eppifany away from recovery


Thank you!


----------



## Boerr (Jan 14, 2013)

I wish the best for you !


----------



## DP boy (Mar 20, 2012)

it only ends once anything before that is just progress


----------



## leonamccauley (Jan 22, 2013)

valleygirl, you are almost at the finish line. You are at the brink of winning this. I don't think you should give up now, at this stage. Here is a video to cheer you up - 



. Cheers valleygirl!!!


----------



## ClassC (Jan 23, 2013)

These mild symptoms of derealization will go away eventually soon. The best thing you can do is not 'obsess' about them because that's whats keeping them afloat. The more you think about it, the more anxious, depressed and helpless you feel. Break this cycle and you will have nothing to worry about.


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

leonamccauley said:


> valleygirl, you are almost at the finish line. You are at the brink of winning this. I don't think you should give up now, at this stage. Here is a video to cheer you up . Cheers valleygirl!!!


Thank you so much for your encouragement! It helps me to have that affirmation. That video is awesome


----------

