# There Is No Escape



## dreamofblue (Mar 31, 2011)

To be honest, depersonalization seems to just be the word given to people who suddenly become too "aware" of existing. Is reality confusing? You're damn right its confusing. Is it a disorder to feel confused and lost when these things are the only logical response? Being IS insane.

I can barely recall a clear minded, normal world. Before my apparent onset of "depersonalization" I was an idiot. The fact is that being unaware of the enormity of the situation (the situation that i exist) made me a happy functioning person. From my perspective, the state of being depersonalized is closer to truth, not that I'm trying to romanticize it like some people do. I simply feel that its simply the way people are, and its a logical response. Let us never be cured. If the world is a dream, then so be it, let's go crazy and set the world on fire. There is no help, the fact that the world is strange cannot be helped.

I'm not going to lie, I feel superior. I'm new here, and when I read people's posts and what not I feel ahead of the game. Until a psychologist told me I had depersonalization disorder, I had never imagined it existing.

It seems as if its all a scam. People feel strange, people feel anxious. No shit! Why shouldn't you? Isn't it bizarre that matter and energy are somehow naturally predisposed to arrange themselves into entities that are self aware? Isn't it strange how these being's connect with the objective world through an inescapable virtual interpretation of external information? But isn't it also strange that the entities (us) are not actually separate from the rest of the universe? The self and the mind are an activity of the brain, all still embedded and interacting on an atomic level with the universe around it, all of it just a constantly transforming arrangement of energy. Do you feel like you are going through the boring motions of your life? Are you detached, not yourself, simply and utterly lost? When you get out of bed in the morning, do you make the conscious choice to, or are you simply observing the action, do you only hopelessly watch your life happen monotonously? Are you an alien inside of yourself? Well the world is fucking crazy so its no wonder you feel this way. And here I find its simply a disorder?

Let me explain. The mind is trying to live, that's what it is trying to do. It tries to facilitate functioning in the world. We've evolved over time to develop senses, like sight and smell and taste that help us survive and reproduce. We need energy from food, so we develop a sense of taste that, in general, likes the taste of certain foods. Sugar and salt used to be less plentiful, so we tend to like those too much for today's climate of resources. What you're experiencing with dp is a defense mechanism in your brain. Either something traumatized you or you simply started thinking about the world in a critical way, or you got high (weed is lame, you people are boring). Now, as I explained, existence is incredible and overwhelming, so as soon as something nudges you towards self awareness, its going to feel strange, and then you are going to feel anxious about it. You'll think about how long it will last, if things will go back to normal, all that bull shit. Guess what? It was never normal to begin with. You've entered an inescapable maze of being. You are a prisoner in an infinite world. The anxiety, and the disorder, perpetuate themselves? Why do i feel depersonalized? because i feel anxious over being depersonalized.

The problem with most of you people is that you are too caught up in the appearance of reality, and of depersonalization. In truth, depersonalization is sort of like a fascination with the false and virtual aspect with the world you maneuver in. Once you realize that the mind "lives" and maneuvers in a world that is only a virtual translation, it makes everything distant, far away. You are distant from even yourself. But don't worry, eventually you will die.


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## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

dreamofblue said:


> To be honest, depersonalization seems to just be the word given to people who suddenly become too "aware" of existing.


That's not what DP means. It means to feel detached from your actions. As if, you are watching your body move, yet don't feel the connection to the motion.


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

HAHAHAHA!

What a depressed sod you seem to be. The only reason i think your an idiot is because i dont like something in myself as i read trough this. But man. 
Depersonalization hasnt got a solution to a existential quarrel. Its just your brain on high alert and and whats more its overactive and needs to cool down. And as it does. All these existence issues some on the people on here have will start to tone down. And you will realize its only thoughts that youve got stuck on thinking about. And youve confused it with the simple joy of being alive.

Life is a gift, not a burden. It is the most beautiful thing on this planet. And it has nothing to do with suffering. Sure life can give you shit and it probably wont stop anytime soon. But man that shit is all worth it when you realize what youve got. Youve been given the oportunity to live. To feel and to taste, smell and hear life. Every little tacktile sensation youve got, be greatful because at the end of the day. Noone really hates life. I dont believe that.

Dont listen to cynic bullshit people. Cynicism is not a part of wellbeing and therefore not needed. It needs to be a part of life too but dont get stuck.

Life, love and intelligent living to all.

I love my life and i wont stop anytime soon.


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## Guest (Apr 2, 2011)

Yes, you got the point. Now I know why my mind changed: I always used to oppose anyone with anything, didnt agree with anybody. But just in my mind, not by telling them. Then once something just snapped in my head like "why the f*** am i doing this?" and BOOM. Dp only happens when your belief colapses, and some people manage to solve it quickly, some of them dont. But, if you feel depersonalized and nothing is real, then why dont you try doing something odd? Go to a neighbour's house and ask if their daughter is at home, because you want to eat her toenails, or go to a store and have a shit into your shoe. Why dont you? Nothing is real man...


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I love it, great post.


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## dreamofblue (Mar 31, 2011)

TheGame said:


> HAHAHAHA!
> 
> What a depressed sod you seem to be. The only reason i think your an idiot is because i dont like something in myself as i read trough this. But man.
> Depersonalization hasnt got a solution to a existential quarrel. Its just your brain on high alert and and whats more its overactive and needs to cool down. And as it does. All these existence issues some on the people on here have will start to tone down. And you will realize its only thoughts that youve got stuck on thinking about. And youve confused it with the simple joy of being alive.
> ...


I go up and down. Somedays I am sad, other days I am happy. I am happy when the sun is out. I don't think I'm being existential, I'm being reasonable: we live our lives in a perceived reality, I'm not straying from the truth here. I believe in being honest. When people are honest they say things that make them look stupid, for instance, if i say i feel like i'm superior to everyone else, its not because i'm superior to everyone else, it is because I am only human and i have flaws and I'd rather share my flaws and be sincere rather than try to project a false image of a better person. See, that's my very clever rationalization for sharing my rudeness. Now you, as most people will, have criticized me for my apparent flaws. You observe me being shamelessly human, and you criticize it. But it is ok, because on the internet it is easy to forget we are all human beings. I'm not cynical, I am curious. If getting preoccupied with words like "love" and "life" are not able to get me though the day, I rely very willingly on curiosity. Yes, sensation sure is amusing. Life is interesting, no need to worry, we all love life. Couldn't agree more. You're still going to die. See what I did there? I made a joke. I thought it was quite funny. If my so called cynicism annoys you so much, it is quite apparent to me that you're the one who is stressed out, because I was only joking about it. I'm perfectly content with the nature of things. I'm going to die, everything dies, oh well. But you seem quite worried. Don't worry, stranger, everything is going to be okay. Death isn't so bad, really! Consciousness is disconnection, death is the reemergence to the objective. Oh man, I could start a cult with this stuff.

Your opinions of cynicism are so generalized and simple. Cynicism is not needed? Cynicism can be valuable. Cynics help to call negative things and hypocrisy into question. Sometimes the reality of things is actually harsh, and while some people live in denial, i'm sure there will be cynics seeing the bigger picture. Of course, it isn't always good to be cynical. Cynical people are not always hopeless, either.

By the way, I don't mean to suggest that dp/dr give you practical intellectual advantages. It isn't going to help you do math, it simply gives you a different perspective on awareness and what not.


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## shitcunt (Apr 2, 2011)

I completely agree, people don't understand since they are too busy living their ''normal'' lives and trying to look as normal as possible, their goal is to be as presentable and rich as possible, which is everyones goal in life. At least it is not for me, i do things and i just do them,i don't wonder if i will get money or if i will be presentable for other people, i really just don't care about what other people think anymore since nobody understands what it is that they are doing and how we are different and separate from them, just like with shrinks, they just think its a normal behavior for the brain to do as it do, what shrinks really do is question your brain, they ask simple questions and they observe how your brain reacts, what they don't question is if they are flawed, if they have any problems with their heads, they believe that money and fame is the cure to everything simply everything, as if they were in heaven. there is no such place as heaven, people needs to realize that they will be in the endless cycle of life that goes on until they die no matter if they are a millionaire or a trillionaire, they work, they pay taxes, they help the government, the government lives on forever, you don't, you just work as their slaves so they can make profit out of it. honestly, the government does not give a single shit. do you see bums? you see them every day thinking that they are lazy bastards that don't want anything in life, but no that is not the case (with all of them), they just don't agree to work for ''the man'' since they have also realized how the world works, you don't have to agree with me, but i have talked to several people like that and they explained just how it happened, first it was their wives/children/family members, then it was their friends, and then they realized how the world worked, do you see their statuses? see how they live? its an example for children to never disagree on what the government says so they won't be like them, if the government did care there was no poor people, there was no people suffering and being unjustified because of their status just because they don't agree to give tax money for the government the government just leaves them, completely ignore them as if they did not exist, since they don't make any money, they don't care, you are just a little machine to consume and pay taxes for them, sure they do help sick people, but why? so they can work more, so they can give money to the government, also, if you did not have money to pay a life saving surgery do you think they would help you? do you honestly think that? that is just proof that the government doesn't care just like everyone else don't (or 99% of them) people just tend to believe the fairy tales that the government tells them, that they are in war with iraq and/or iran because of (insert hero quote here) which is obviously not the case. people think independent of others, if for example you see some person dying would you get depressed for the rest of your life? would it impact your life? not at all, since it isn't you right? it isn't your fault, you can't do anything to prevent it right? it's not your family member, you don't care since you don't have anything to do with them. that is the normal way of thinking and honestly, it disgusts me on how the brain works, people die and life goes on just like nothing happened, they choose to completely ignore it just like the government ignores it, the government are examples for little children in school, everything and everyone is manipulated by the government in some way, but with this ''sickness'' i have realized what they have been doing ever since the start of time, profit, benefits, and egoism of course.

Now, you don't have to agree with everything that i stated above, but that is my way of thinking, criticize it all you want but as i said, i simply do not care.


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## shitcunt (Apr 2, 2011)

TheGame said:


> Noone really hates life. I dont believe that.


that is quite childish, you only disagree because you haven't been there.
simply because of that.


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## FoXS (Nov 4, 2009)

TheGame said:


> Life is a gift, not a burden. It is the most beautiful thing on this planet. And it has nothing to do with suffering. Sure life can give you shit and it probably wont stop anytime soon. But man that shit is all worth it when you realize what youve got. Youve been given the oportunity to live. To feel and to taste, smell and hear life. Every little tacktile sensation youve got, be greatful because at the end of the day.


TheGame, that was really beautiful spoken. no joke, i really love that, i saved it on my computer


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## unnamednn (Nov 9, 2008)

gill said:


> That's not what DP means. It means to feel detached from your actions. As if, you are watching your body move, yet don't feel the connection to the motion.


I think what you're saying refers more to dissociation.
3. pl. personas The role that one assumes or displays in public or society; one's public image or personality, as distinguished from the inner self.
Add DE in front of persona, which actually means mask in latin and you would notice that depersonalization is more like being aware of your social mask, or maybe not feeling connected to 'IT' anymore.


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## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

unnamednn said:


> I think what you're saying refers more to dissociation.
> 3. pl. personas The role that one assumes or displays in public or society; one's public image or personality, as distinguished from the inner self.
> Add DE in front of persona, which actually means mask in latin and you would notice that depersonalization is more like being aware of your social mask, or maybe not feeling connected to 'IT' anymore.


_Depersonalization Disorder is codified 300.6 in DSM IV.... Criterion A: there is persistent feeling of detachment or estrangement from one's self, as if one is an outside observer of one's body and / or one's mental processes. There is a feeling of being in a dream. Various types of sensory anesthesia, lack of affective response, and a sensation of not being in control of one's actions, including one's speech, are often present. Criterion B: there is awareness that the feeling of detachment is but a feeling; the connect with reality is intact._


_..._


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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

Ive had the same thoughts as the original poster. I was in a severe panic and depersonalized state. I feel that the only way to live happily is to forget those thoughts and go along living ithout questioning it. It seems hard, i know, like everything doesnt make sense. for me i always wanted answers to my questions. This just sent me into a spiral.


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## suitcasemaster (Mar 7, 2011)

Dreamofblue, your writing reminds me a lot of monologues in Chuck Palahniuk books. Great stuff.


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## TheGame (Feb 1, 2011)

dreamofblue said:


> that is quite childish, you only disagree because you haven't been there.
> simply because of that.


Trust you me, ive been there i AM there. And i get scared everytime i tell myself i dont want to live anymore. Because deep down i know this is a state of mind. And not what i really think about life. Thats why i dont believe that anyone REALLY hates living. we're just trapped in a state of mind that is hell to endure.


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## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

TheGame said:


> Trust you me, ive been there i AM there. And i get scared everytime i tell myself i dont want to live anymore. Because deep down i know this is a state of mind. And not what i really think about life. Thats why i dont believe that anyone REALLY hates living. we're just trapped in a state of mind that is hell to endure.


+1


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## 2yrsOn (Apr 3, 2011)

Thats the biggest load of bull shit ive ever heard..
If you had actually EVER had dp u wouldnt be on here saying all that shit.
Dp does fade im living proof, Yes it most likily will stay with us for ever but not always noticable.
Dont let this depressed twat get anyone down.

You seem abit troubled love....


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## dreamofblue (Mar 31, 2011)

2yrsOn said:


> Thats the biggest load of bull shit ive ever heard..
> If you had actually EVER had dp u wouldnt be on here saying all that shit.
> Dp does fade im living proof, Yes it most likily will stay with us for ever but not always noticable.
> Dont let this depressed twat get anyone down.
> ...


I'm confused, who are you responding to here? If it is me, then I say that I have no understanding of dp or dr, I only know what my experience is, and I know that my psychologist diagnosed me with it.

"You seem a bit troubled love"

That's nice, you are showing concern or something, you are showing that you are a kind and compassionate person. But wait, what's that you said? Something about a "depressed twat".

Here is my point, when you throw needless insults around then try to act like a caring person, it makes you look like a self righteous buffoon. Of course, i might just be very confused. Following conversations is hard.


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