# Feeling suicidal again



## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

And right out of the blue again, there it is. I'm having trouble with the brain's reward system, finding things that fulfill me, and coping with the idea that just hanging on and living is so difficult. Why is it such an immense struggle for people like me just to hold on and keep going? I find everything unrewarding, work, relationships, everything. Society feels completely alien and foolish to me. I just tolerate the world really. I have terrible brain fog and DP, so I'm isolated by my own mind and situationally isolated by leading a fairly solitary and internalized life by my own doing. I only ever seem to deviate between neutral leaning towards bad and really terrible, so on balance I'm always fairly deeply rooted in a negative frame of mind. I don't really have good days or find anything funny or stimulating. I'm still young but I do feel myself aging a bit, and then I get to thinking about how physically it's all downhill from where I'm at too. I just don't see the point of the future.


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## Brady12 (Nov 27, 2016)

Hang in there?


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## mind.divided (Jul 2, 2015)

It really sounds like a huge lack of dopamine. This life is really awesome and purposeful but if your brain chemistry is out of wack then you can't enjoy life like everyone else. I've done some research (reading) about what happens in the brain when we have this disorder and apparently the function that makes us dissociate also causes our dopamine levels to be much lower than normal until we get over this. But in your case it sounds like it's even worse but i'm not sure. There is multiple things you can do to increase your dopamine levels, the most important thing is to get rid of all your addictions. Try to avoid coffee, alcohol, smoking, masturbation (yeah, this one is huge), sugar etc. If you stay strong and get rid of these addictions your dopamine levels with naturally get higher and you will feel much more motivated about life.

other things to try:

- get into spirituality and find purpose with life 

- set up goals for yourself big and small

- get into a "yolo" mindset and do the things you have always dreamed of doing like skydiving or whatever

- talk to a therapist (it helped me a lot when dealing with this)


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## Lostsoul26 (Nov 9, 2016)

I avoid all those things and I still dont get any reward from anything.I took ecstasy about 9times do u think I depleted all the feel good chemicals n my brain for good?thats what im scared of but I feel is true.give had this for 8yrs n it doesn't seem to be going anywhere im just a body.and I do find society so fukin stupid really I do especially from a woman's point of view the gossip the im prettier then you the need to have name brand things or to act like your the baddest bitch it all just seems disgusting to me.like reality and society and this world just disgusts me n i can not relate to it.I feel like an alien n I dont like anything about this world but seeing my kids smile n play everything else is shit.


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

Lol bro, that last part about aging and going downhill was really funny xD

I find myself thinking these thoughts sometimes, but they are, uh, pointless? I mean, we will all die anyway, one day. The things is, you are attaching a bad idea&perception to death "going downhill". Think about it, you will die anyway, so u really dont have anything to lose right now. Why depress yourself with those thoughts, instead, seek the inspiration, seek that which will make you feel free, even it seem impossible right now


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## 999661 (May 10, 2016)

And you see, I'm depersonalized but i can still laugh and find joy in some simple things of life. Sometimes just looking at the horizon, the sky, clouds, mountains, that can inspire a good life from deep within, and i feel if can bring it more and more, make it a part of my life then thats real happiness.

I back it up everything mind.divided said, about dropping of addictions, exploring spirituality, all these things will little by little make u feel better phisically and give you motivation to keep going & growing


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I felt so bad during my 20s, 30s 40s 50s. LOL I knew getting old would be the end of me. I compensated for my poor mental health by working out a lot. Played racquetball competitively. Trained to dunk a basketball at 6.1". Lifted weights etc. I had 5 bypasses on my heart when I was 49. I was sick with depression on the couch for most of my 59th year before having ECT done. That was almost 3 years ago. I have been jogging 4/5 miles a day lately and enjoying playing billiards competitively. I'm probably happier now than I have been in 40 years. I just say this because it seems natural that things are only going to get worse as you get older. But not always.


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## Brady12 (Nov 27, 2016)

Are there any kinds of vitamins that raise dopamine?


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

Brady12 said:


> Are there any kinds of vitamins that raise dopamine?


I take a Daily Multivitamin brand New Chapter, which is the best found at Whole Foods.

It got rid of depression that I didn't even know I had.

I'm not suggesting it will get rid of suicidal depression overnight or whatever.

But it may help lift the fog a little.


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## brill (Apr 17, 2016)

Brady12 said:


> Are there any kinds of vitamins that raise dopamine?


L-Tyrosine. Take it only in morning and around noon....any later than that and you won't sleep well.


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## Brady12 (Nov 27, 2016)

Does it take a few weeks to work? And what's a good amount?


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## Jkbobell (Feb 1, 2015)

ASM said:


> If life seems particularly pointless to you at the moment, remember that death is even more pointless, & to choose the lesser of the two evlis is wise.


Well put


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

I'm just fucked, guys. I wouldn't even mind so much if I could just get my brain to work. I don't understand why it's constantly so detached and racing at the same time. I talk to myself all day, I feel like I've legit gone nuts. I'm not able to think clearly, how can I make rational decisions about my life?


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

I am not able to think at all, Chicane


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