# i need hope.i hit rock buttom.*might be triggering*



## boobie (Jan 22, 2016)

hello.this is my first time here.im writing this because i am terrified im gping through hell and im begging for someone to ensure me it gets better and maybe give me tips.i got dr(only dr at first) 7 months ago.1 month ago it got WORSE.i flyed on an airplane got a panic attack,the next day another one and for the following 2 weeks a panic attack every day.i had to fly back(of course).every single panic attack made my dr WORSE.i developed dp as well,and everyday i got more and more symptoms i did not have before such as-visual snow(which got worse every day),eye floaters,flashes,objects are moving,ear tinnitus,very sensitive to light,when theres dark objects are moving in wave motions,and more.since i got back it got worse (thats when i devloped the dlashes floaters and object movement).now heres my backround-i got dr a month after i smoked weed for the first time and got a panic attack.i smoked it 8 times(in which 7 were calm and fun) and ever since then i DID NOT touch any alchohol weed drug caffein or anything.i never used any other drug.second of all,ever since it started i eat super clean(im vegan) tons of ftuits veggies wholegrains water only no sodas and plus ive been exercising for the past 2 years between 2-4 times a week(now its 2).so im basically doing everything people who have recovered were doing accept my symptoms are getting worse each day???? makes me feel like im a rare case and will never recover.ever since i got back here i started 30 min meditation everyday,trying to relax since i have major anxiety problems.i dont take any pills because im scared and not sure if it will make it worse or not.i also left the house only a couple of times since i am scared of geting a panic attack and every panic attack makes it worse forever.im afraid of developing hppd since i already seem to have illusions....im so alone and terrified i feel like a zombe.please.im doing everything i can and its getting worse.im afraid ill see everything super snowy and will never be able to see like mormal me.anyone had my symptoms and recovered??am i a rare severe case?please help me i am begging i lost everything.please someone contact me or comment.i need you.im only 18.i cant even go outside.:'(.


----------



## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

I was there. I would listen to new age music on YouTube, shivering and curled up in a ball. I thought I would die if I went in public and got sick or humiliated. Literally, I thought I would pass away.

I'm not like that anymore, and I've been through some stuff. It gets worse before it gets better. Please seek appropriate help, and make the important mental and physical health changes, if you aren't already.

Nobody will let you stay like this forever, not if you ask for help.


----------



## boobie (Jan 22, 2016)

hi thankyou for your reply i really appreciate it.can i ask if you had sever dr symptoms like visual snow and illusions? and also what more can i do to get better?what mental and physical changes do i need to do?


----------



## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

I see visual snow all the time, but only when I shift focus to it. Maybe it's not something you unsee.

However, I've been in states where ignoring the ear-ringing or visual snow was not possible. In "normal states", your mind filters it out until someone calls attention to it. You will return to that state, where it's filtered out as irrelevant feedback.

What to do? See a psych and therapist. Tell them you have anxiety which makes you fear for your life, and some depersonalization.

If you're up to it, go outside anyway. Make a gradual plan that you know is safe. For instance, you might know you can go to the mailbox, then back inside. Then (if you are strong as I think you are), you'll see you can make it up the block. Eventually you will go to convenient stores, restaurants, and then wherever you need to be.

Don't get discouraged by fear of a full-blown panic. You will most likely have anxiety attacks that are not full blown panic, which people will not notice. Just act in spite of these anxiety attacks. If you do have a panic attack (jumping out of your skin, reduced thought processing) either sit down until it passes or leave and try again. Nothing bad will happen to you.

Health in general means staying social, staying active, plus garbage-in, garbage-out. The whole lame-ass sayings you've heard before. It goes a long way to promote mental health, truly. This includes regulating what goes into your mind, including what you tell yourself.


----------



## boobie (Jan 22, 2016)

yeah i guess i need to leave my house if i truly want to get better.thankyou once again it means a lot to me.i hope youll have a wonderful day.


----------

