# I cant handle life.



## Fluke93

I dont enjoy life at all. It confuses me. My DP is sky high. I'm on celexa 40mg at the moment and its not working. I want to die. But im scared of death. Im scared of life. Im trapped.


----------



## Fluke93

theres also no way i can make a success in life, cause my ideas and goals change not within the week anymore, but by hour. I DONT KNOW WHO I AM. I DONT FUCKING KNOW.


----------



## Bjorn

Dude don't take this the wrong way but go have a bash will sort you out







I promise


----------



## Fluke93

Bjorn said:


> Dude don't take this the wrong way but go have a bash will sort you out
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I promise


I'd be lucky lol


----------



## Fluke93

Oh and im also confused about my sexuality







yay


----------



## Bjorn

Ok well was just saying when i orgasm Shit comes back to me... give it a try you'll be more relaxed too


----------



## Guest

Have you been tested for bipolar? I had a mega low recently which I would definitely call a breakdown, interspersed with little mega highs where I felt amazing. I haven't been tested for it yet but I've been writing a mood diary for my doctor and it looks like I'm rapid cycling bipolar II. I was exactly where you are now, completely confused by the world and life felt like a trap! I've also been through so many ideas for careers I'd want to do its not funny. I still haven't got anywhere all these years after dropping out of school. Thankfully I'm settled on one now, I'm also not taking meds. *If* you are bipolar, it's been said that anti-detests ants can make your state worse, so you may be better on a mood stabiliser or if you think you can handle it, nothing. But it may be helping you, only you know the answer to that. Stay strong! The way you feel will pass, just try to occupy yourself for now.


----------



## Fluke93

L i o n H e ❥ r t said:


> Have you been tested for bipolar? I had a mega low recently which I would definitely call a breakdown, interspersed with little mega highs where I felt amazing. I haven't been tested for it yet but I've been writing a mood diary for my doctor and it looks like I'm rapid cycling bipolar II. I was exactly where you are now, completely confused by the world and life felt like a trap! I've also been through so many ideas for careers I'd want to do its not funny. I still haven't got anywhere all these years after dropping out of school. Thankfully I'm settled on one now, I'm also not taking meds. *If* you are bipolar, it's been said that anti-detests ants can make your state worse, so you may be better on a mood stabiliser or if you think you can handle it, nothing. But it may be helping you, only you know the answer to that. Stay strong! The way you feel will pass, just try to occupy yourself for now.


I definantely have some symptoms of bipolar. Im not sure how severe it is to be honest. I have noticed i get into hypomanic type like states. But again they dont last anywhere near long enough to be bipolar. I have symptoms of a lot of things, though, and to be honest the worsed was the depressiveness. But i keep changing all the time everyday. One minute im up then down, then happy, (uncontrollably happy at times.) Again though, i can tell how clearly i can see and look at myself with some clarity. The brain fogs gone but comes back. My main issues are

Inability to control emotions
Changing what i want to do, either as a hobby or career, changing what i think of others to dislike to love in a matter of hours.
Trouble controlling drinking. Been drinking every weekend but binge drinking to the point i black out. This happens thursdays fridays saturday and sometimes sunday.
Anxiety
Depression.
Sick thoughts, perveted fantasies when im arroused. Nothing too sick, but just odd and fucked up.

I no longer focus on myself (or try not to) people have so much more shit than I do, but that still doesnt help me or the situation. I feel mentally ill constantly not even in the dp fucked up dreamlike sense. My DP has been down completely lately, although still lurking. Maybe i dont belong here anymore, i go to the depression forums quite often. I dont know what i feel, i just feel so odd, so fucking i dont know screwed up. I have visions of me going home, getting a knife and completely stabbing my hand repeatadly. Even though ive only self harmed a few times. Other times i can laugh act normal, no one really knows about this, they just laugh it off and say "you're so depressive".

All in all, im just confused about life in general.

Edit

Sorry lion heart all of that wasnt directed at you, just so you know hun lol.


----------



## Fluke93

Haras said:


> Fluke do you think it'd be worth speaking to someone about the sexuality issue? Find someone who you can confide in about it, whether it be someone on here or someone you know, obviously someone who you can trust. Maybe if you realized that your sexuality is not that big of a deal it would help you towards recovery. I'm not saying that it isn't a big deal because i'm sure it's hard for you but maybe that's something that's holding you back?. Speaking to someone professional might give you that bit of self confidence, so you would be able to know who you are and what direction you want to take in life. I would even talk to you about it! When you have anxiety things like this seem worse than they actually are!


I'd like that a lot can i private message you? thats kind i really appreiciate it.


----------



## Guest

Fluke said:


> I definantely have some symptoms of bipolar. Im not sure how severe it is to be honest. I have noticed i get into hypomanic type like states. But again they dont last anywhere near long enough to be bipolar. I have symptoms of a lot of things, though, and to be honest the worsed was the depressiveness. But i keep changing all the time everyday. One minute im up then down, then happy, (uncontrollably happy at times.) Again though, i can tell how clearly i can see and look at myself with some clarity. The brain fogs gone but comes back. My main issues are
> 
> Inability to control emotions
> Changing what i want to do, either as a hobby or career, changing what i think of others to dislike to love in a matter of hours.
> Trouble controlling drinking. Been drinking every weekend but binge drinking to the point i black out. This happens thursdays fridays saturday and sometimes sunday.
> Anxiety
> Depression.
> Sick thoughts, perveted fantasies when im arroused. Nothing too sick, but just odd and fucked up.
> 
> I no longer focus on myself (or try not to) people have so much more shit than I do, but that still doesnt help me or the situation. I feel mentally ill constantly not even in the dp fucked up dreamlike sense. My DP has been down completely lately, although still lurking. Maybe i dont belong here anymore, i go to the depression forums quite often. I dont know what i feel, i just feel so odd, so fucking i dont know screwed up. I have visions of me going home, getting a knife and completely stabbing my hand repeatadly. Even though ive only self harmed a few times. Other times i can laugh act normal, no one really knows about this, they just laugh it off and say "you're so depressive".
> 
> All in all, im just confused about life in general.
> 
> Edit
> 
> Sorry lion heart all of that wasnt directed at you, just so you know hun lol.


Sounds like bipolar and pure-o OCD to me! I'm pretty sure I have them both, my hobbies change constantly and I too can be practically in love with someone one minute and hate them the next. When I get pure-o I get violent thoughts towards myself and those I love. The perverted thoughts you mention also come under the pure-o label.

I can understand how people just shrug how you feel off... People do with mental illness and it's so sad but it happens to us all here so I think the best people to confide in are those suffering from what you are, because they do understand.

Lol don't worry I knew it wasn't directed at me, also in the other post I meant antidepressants, not anti-detests ants.. Lol


----------



## MIndfAEL

sounds like to me u still have full blown dp if your ideas,goals are changing so often. im the same way. get rid of dp and you'll settle down more. youll find harmony evenutally just chill out. everyone is not out to get you. you are not crazy these are dp created thoughts. i think thats why its so hard for people like you and me to recover. my views of others and my own sense of self have always been vacillating long before dp. its like i let it get so bad that then dp hit.


----------



## DP boy

Fluke just stop take a moment......... long moment and chill out.


----------



## DP boy

It sounds like your dp is down abit and your underlying issues are all imerging accept this.


----------



## Fluke93

Probably right there. i dont know. To be honest ive had an ecg because of heart flutters and skips, and somethings turned up. I need to go back for an ecg this month and then a heart scan in january. If i go off meds now, i will be a wreck. I'm honestly really scared of hospitals and just the thought of having a pace maker surgery scares me. I guess i will have to man through it, its disgusting though it really is. This fear is not helping. Really anxious. ...


----------



## Guest

Just think Fluke that you're going there to have a better quality of life after, the hospital is there to help you so try to think of it as a positive thing rather than a negative


----------



## Guest

Life is tough, but you have to keep moving forward. You have to make plenty of new plans, scratch off what's not working, and avoid people who bring you down. Find out what would make you happier, and think about things in general that are more uplifting. Make plans to correct areas where you are lacking fulfillment.

If it's DP-related, then continue the battle. Keep going to therapy or choose a different counseling option if you're not feeling better. If you don't have time, ask a vitamin store for some recommendations. If anything, health foods will make you feel better, even if you still have symptoms related DP.


----------



## aashrithasharma

It is so sad............


----------



## Nels1

Fluke93 said:


> Probably right there. i dont know. To be honest ive had an ecg because of heart flutters and skips, and somethings turned up. I need to go back for an ecg this month and then a heart scan in january. If i go off meds now, i will be a wreck. I'm honestly really scared of hospitals and just the thought of having a pace maker surgery scares me. I guess i will have to man through it, its disgusting though it really is. This fear is not helping. Really anxious. ...





Fluke93 said:


> Probably right there. i dont know. To be honest ive had an ecg because of heart flutters and skips, and somethings turned up. I need to go back for an ecg this month and then a heart scan in january. If i go off meds now, i will be a wreck. I'm honestly really scared of hospitals and just the thought of having a pace maker surgery scares me. I guess i will have to man through it, its disgusting though it really is. This fear is not helping. Really anxious. ...


----------



## Nels1

For Newbie and Fluke 93..I'm new here and it seems to not allow me to reply in an easy way so hopefully this works...get help...do not feel you have to "man up" as one of you said...these are real disorders that are no fault of your own. they are chemical problems in your brain. See you Family Doctor or go to an emerg nearby if they have "mental health" emerg dept or most average sized cities have Centres that strictly support those with Mental Illnesses. No Psychiatrist will think you're weird. it's their job. it's their living! They need you as their patient! My daughter suffers from SEVERE social anxiety and Genreal Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder and Dysthymia and believe me she struggles but we just continue to see doctors for new meds until one day the right one will work. She also sees a Counsellor weekly. another good idea (if you can afford it) is to see a Naturopath. It's definately the best remedy so far. She still has a long way to go but it's brought her to the most stable point she's ever been. and you don't even have to feel you have a diagnosis with them because they don't like those terms anyway. Just tell them your SEVERE symptoms and they will work with that. Be Very specific as they have thousands of remedies that are Very Specific based on your needs. Please don't feel useless or strange. it's NORMAL because it's your biology. you can't help that you were made this way. you are dealing with a disease just as are people with Cancer and Cystic Fibrosis and MS, etc. No different just far more of a struggle in my opinion because it is a complication of the brain and since we are all wired so differently it's tricky to find a "cure". Please do your best to stay positive. I know it's extremely overwhelming but you can do it. you've made it this far!


----------



## Fluke93

Nels1 said:


> For Newbie and Fluke 93..I'm new here and it seems to not allow me to reply in an easy way so hopefully this works...get help...do not feel you have to "man up" as one of you said...these are real disorders that are no fault of your own. they are chemical problems in your brain. See you Family Doctor or go to an emerg nearby if they have "mental health" emerg dept or most average sized cities have Centres that strictly support those with Mental Illnesses. No Psychiatrist will think you're weird. it's their job. it's their living! They need you as their patient! My daughter suffers from SEVERE social anxiety and Genreal Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder and Dysthymia and believe me she struggles but we just continue to see doctors for new meds until one day the right one will work. She also sees a Counsellor weekly. another good idea (if you can afford it) is to see a Naturopath. It's definately the best remedy so far. She still has a long way to go but it's brought her to the most stable point she's ever been. and you don't even have to feel you have a diagnosis with them because they don't like those terms anyway. Just tell them your SEVERE symptoms and they will work with that. Be Very specific as they have thousands of remedies that are Very Specific based on your needs. Please don't feel useless or strange. it's NORMAL because it's your biology. you can't help that you were made this way. you are dealing with a disease just as are people with Cancer and Cystic Fibrosis and MS, etc. No different just far more of a struggle in my opinion because it is a complication of the brain and since we are all wired so differently it's tricky to find a "cure". Please do your best to stay positive. I know it's extremely overwhelming but you can do it. you've made it this far!


This was written a while back its a strange strange coincidence that you should bump it. Thanks for the advice, this thread still very much relates to me unfortunately. If anyone wants to be E buddies pm me or something, or ask for my facebook if you have it.


----------



## scaredofdpdhelp

Fluke93 said:


> I dont enjoy life at all. It confuses me. My DP is sky high. I'm on celexa 40mg at the moment and its not working. I want to die. But im scared of death. Im scared of life. Im trapped.


Oh lord i feel the same, im trapped too. I want to live but not this way and i want to die but im scared of some brain damage caused by suicide attempt. Hate everything.


----------



## Typhlosion

I Wanna die too because I'm too far in but I'm scared of death also


----------



## andymark25415

some time that happen with me but i busy my self in some activity.


----------

