# Please help me help my daughter!



## Guest (Sep 18, 2005)

I am a single mom whose 13-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with DP/DR. How do I help her through her episodes? The more I try to help sometimes the more upset she gets but I just can't sit back and watch her...she breaks my heart because she gets so scared. So afraid she isn't going to "come back." I've tried giving her distractions, Friends DVD's, magazines, anything that isn't scary or a possible trigger. She takes Seroquel and Clonodine and new doc wants to start her on Buspar and Ativan for anxiety. Also told by her therapist my girl has the worst case of PTSD she has ever seen.

I try to reassure her that each episode will pass but lately she just wants me to leave her alone. I'm not sure when she's DR/DPing if she knows if I'm real or not!?

If anyone has ANY suggestions, PLEASE write. She's already been hospitalized three times. I know her condition was brought on by a combination of severe childhood trauma, (at 1st they said she had DID), PTSD, stress, and probably from smoking pot last fall. She had a bad trip and begged to be tested for anything it could have been laced with (the results were negative).

Is paranoia a part of this or a secondary condition? She ALWAYS asks me and her teachers if we're mad...things like that. Every doctor tells me something different. I am desperate and would appreciate any words of wisdom, experience...Thank you!

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## Guest (Sep 22, 2005)

*
I was supprised that no one took this "posting" on untill now.

I am so sorry about your daughter. It seems to me that she is having a horrible experience. Well, my words of wisdom are from 2 and a half years of living with DP. Like I tell most people, the fist thing you must do for her is help her with her anxiety. A good counselor, doctor, etc...can get you this. It was my experience that nothing got better untill I could "maintain" through times of anxiety. Your daughter wont be able to start to get on her feet untill this happens. Next for me, I started to learn some skills when I started to feel very disconnected from reality. There were (and occasionally are) times when I felt like I was dead, and had passed on to the next realm. I cant explain all the feelings that this sensation triggered, but they were many! Anyway, some of the skills I had to learn were based on trying to "ground" myself to reality. I would sometimes just stop whatever I was doing, and close my eyes and just tell myself over and over that I was OK and that I was really alive, and that I was really where I thought I was...and that I really was who I thought I was...and so on and so forth. After a few moments of this...and would again open my eyes and slowly, again try to continue my tasks. It's a slow process, but this will help. If your daughter is anything like I was, she must know that she is NOT going crazy, and that she can be able to function again! It takes work, lots of talking to a GOOD therapist, and for a good many of ppl...some medication to soften the rough edges. Remember in the case of DP..."slow and steady wins the race". Good luck, I hope that in some way this helps. If I can offer any more advice feel free to e-mail me.

Tony*


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## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

AS A LONG TERM SUFFERER MYSELF (STARTED HAVING THEM AT 6) my parents didnt have a clue as to what was wrong with me and even the doctors over looked it so u are lucky to have all this information about dp/dr really 
alot of it i found to help would be distraction so when she is going through a attack distract her as much as possible and without her realising her body and mind will relax and her " normal " feeling will return she will have continuous episodes but your daughter needs to find her own way of relaxing i use to read grab a mag anything to distract myself and when i were really bad go for walks 
i wish u and your daughter all the best i still suffer regulary from these weird attacks and if you ever need anyone to talk to first hand ( as people say u dont know what its like till u go through it yourself and i have so pm me or e.mail me xxxx
love to you both xxx


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## Guest (Sep 22, 2005)

Thank you both for answering. Since I posted my daughter got a new psychiatrist who is very warm and very keen on my daughter learning coping skills, just like you said. She did prescribe Ativan, which her other doc would not do because of her age. Also, since she had smoked pot the "system" had plugged her into a substance abuse program and I had been unable to get her out. I tried to tell them she is so afraid of the stuff she won't even go places there might be a chance she could smell it, let alone smoke it. Substance abuse was NOT her problem. This new doc signed a medical order that she be removed from that program and moved to someone who is better suited to help with anxiety and PTD so I feel relieved about that.

Distraction seems to be the key. Besides the DVD's and magazines haven't found anything that helps her. I know she has to determine what helps distract her the most but she goes into such a shell and isolates when she's DPing/DRing that I feel helpless. Doc says that it is because we were so close before that she feels most uncomfortable around me now. That she knows somewhere in her mind she's SUPPOSED to know I'm real because I am what is most familiar. So when I feel unreal to her her anxiety really goes up.

Do either of you have family? After a few months of improvement she is now DP/DR 24/7. I let her stay home a few days after her meds changed around but should I MAKE her go to school, no matter how disconnected she feels? Cruel to be kind, I guess, huh?

I can't tell you how much it means to me that both of your wrote. I know how alone my daughter feels and eve though she won't get online and talk about any of this is helps me to hear from you.

By the way, Lisa, I noticed your location...I went to boarding school in Banstead many moons ago


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## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

hey mum :lol: lol he he dont know ur name...... banstead yeah thats up the road 2 me xx 
well yeah i have family but like i said its only been very very recent that the doctors have finally diagnosed dp/dr ( last couple of months) so you can imagine how petrifying my life was.. my dad has bought me this comp only 2 weeks ago to try and help me as i had noone near to support me and this is where i have found this site 
i am so relieved to find im not going mad believe me but you know what your daughter is very lucky she has all this information now and help from a very good doctor i had neither and my life has wasted away your daughter is still young and i believe she will have an amazing improvement with this added support xxx


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## Luka (Aug 30, 2005)

Hi!



> Is paranoia a part of this or a secondary condition? She ALWAYS asks me and her teachers if we're mad...things like that. Every doctor tells me something different.


I have the same thing and I guess it is because of the trauma's your daughter (and I) went through. Mad = possibility that you might get hurt (by the mad person).

As I said elsewhere on this forum, you cannot cure her (she has to do that herself with the help of a psychiatrist, meds and the like) but you can just _be there_ for her.


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## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

I WAS TOLD BY MY DOCTOR THERE IS NO CURE BUT YOU CAN OVER COME THE INTENSE FEELINGS AND LEARN TO COPE I DONT AGREE WITH THE DOCTOR AS I FEEL NORMAL NOW COMPARED TO YEARS AGO... ALTHOUGH I STILL HAVE THE DP/DR ITS FEW AND FAR BETWEEN RATHER THEN ALL THE TIME NOW!!!!


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## klt123 (Jun 15, 2005)

sorry to hear about your daughter. i will be praying for you...

klt123


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2005)

We FINALLY found an absolutely wonderful doc who said that in addition to weekly therapy through another agency, THE DOC wants to see my daughter 40 minutes a week because in order to medicate her properly she needs to _develop a rapor and keep tabs on what's going on with her._ I thought I'd died and gone to heaven! A psychiatrist who actually wants to treat ALL of her instead of just stuff her with meds??? Yippee!

We saw this doc three weeks ago and already I see a difference. She prescribed more drugs but in lower doses -- still Seroquel (anti-psychotic) but spread throughout the day, plus Clonodine, Buspar, and Ativan. No other doc would give her Ativan because of her age but this doc said, "Why should she suffer more because she's only 13? There are ways to monitor and handle dependence should the need arise," but in the meantime she thought it cruel to withhold the drug that worked best in the hospital.

And you know what? My daughter laughed today. REALLY laughed. I couldn't believe it. Then she thought *I* was nutty because I just kept laughing but couldn't tell her why. I was hysterical with joy. I didn't want to make her self-conscious but I hadn't heard that sound since December 2004. Music to my ears :lol:


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## peacedove (Aug 15, 2004)

I am so happy for you and your daughter. I've never found a shrink who would see me for 40 mins a week! I just might move to Arizona.

I'm sure things will continue to go well for you. Your daughter is being treated early on, and the sooner the better.

You are a great mom.


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## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

awwwwwwwww im so happy for you i hope your daughter continous to get better its not going to be easy i know but im sure you will get there in the end!! goodluck and god bless you both xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Guest (Oct 13, 2005)

Hey Lisa,

Good to hear from you! I do feel excited for Gin but her therapist has warned me she will get worse before she gets better. The meds are helping but the way she put it was, "Virginia has put her feelings in file cabinet, closed the drawer, and locked it. Her dissociation are feelings seeping through the cracks around the drawer. But when the drawer is opened - WATCH OUT. I'm trying to keep level-headed and not get overly excited or upset depending on this wave she rides.

More good news, though. We saw the new doc again today. Her old doc insisted on scheduling appts at 1-month intervals. Gin NEVER made it that long. This doc said since Gin obviously needs to be seen more often we should schedule her that way. What's this...common sense? Haven't encountered much of that! Today she said she wants to see her once a week. Gin said she likes her because she listens to her and explains things, "...and she leans forward and talks to me like I'm a person." How sad that that is so unusual.

My Nana, who lives in Whitstable, has set aside money for plane tickets for me and Gin when she can travel. We will spend most of our time in and around London so I'll let you know before we arrive. Wow, I guess I feel more positive than I thought...I haven't thought about taking that trip in any real way in a very long time )


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## LISA NICHOLS (Sep 3, 2005)

awwwwwwwww fantastic....
yeah your daughters completly switched off hasnt she bless her i did too and then it takes a while to find yourself again because you sort of lose your identity....

but you'v got the ball rolling now which is the main thing, i really do hope n wish she improves and you do make that flight to the uk..

hey maybe we can even meet up for a drink? well my dp/dr is bad in social situations but i will force myself as its you!!! :wink:

anyway you take care luv n hugs to both you and your daughter !!!


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