# Feels Like Im Brain Dead



## Illiterate (Mar 17, 2021)

Its been about 2 years since these symptoms have started but it feels like im a ghost in my own life. I first started feeling these symptoms after smoking for the past year and a half. I have 2 younger brothers and it doesnt even feel like im the older brother anymore. I feel so disconnected from my family. I dont really feel anything either. My feelings feel fake and shallow. I live in constant fear and it feels like Im brain dead. It just feels like my brain doesnt work to the capacity that it used to. Its like I cant think for myself. Im a 19 y/o guy and I barley feel any sexual desires at all. I feel like ive fucked up my brain from smoking. I barley pay attention to my own life and I feel like my grip is loosening. I feel like about to fall over the edge. I used to be a funny person but now im just paranoid that Im super mean and that im creepy person to be around. I also feel like all my creativity has gone away. My confidence is at an all time low and dont know how to fix it. I desperately want to be someone else. I feel like I cant control anything in my life having DPDR. Im starting to not care and accept that I have DPDR. Im so paranoid that somethings wrong all the time. I dont know what do do with myself. I barley recognize my brothers and barley recognize myself. I know my name and stuff but personality wise I dont recognize it. Im so unmotivated and feel like the only way to fix it is to kill myself. Im not going to kill myself but it just feels like its the only way to fix it. Im so stressed out all the time and my head feels like its going to explode. I feel like theres no point in living with DPDR because ill never be the best version of myself. Im so angry. I used to be funny and now Ive lost my sense of humor. It literally feels like ive lost one of my senses. I want to be able to work but dont have the confidence in myself to be able to do the job correctly. It feels like there is no escape from this feeling. I feel dreadful a lot as well. I barley feel anything as well and my awareness of myself has gone down so much since smoking. I feel trapped in my body. Theres more stuff I feel but I cant really put it into words right now.

Thanks for reading.


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## Sportsdude8 (Apr 25, 2015)

Hey bud I haven’t been on here for years.. but I still deal with what you are dealing with in some form. I have the worst short term memory and I always misplace items and have to find them when I just set them down a second ago. What I learned is try to slow down and not think about making mistakes because it creates even more anxiety and spirals when you keep acknowledging your mistakes. I work as a nurse somehow but not in a hospital. I work in a home setting with patients and I find that taking my time and setting up my procedure or whatever I have to do beforehand has been successful for me and has let me be less anxious. I have had some type of dp for at least 7 years… I remember the first year I felt that my head was literally on fire. Looking back I can say it was because I was taking on too much pressure of my job to be a perfectionist and never trying to make any mistakes… what do has taught me is that we are not perfect and just let go. I’m totally a different person than I was back then and I may never be the same person back then, but now I accept myself as this new person and just trying my best everyday to live happily. Trust me it’s not easy because I do sometimes reflect on the past like I used to be soo smart, or soo sharp, or I was a lot quicker, a lot nicer, etc. Again Dp has shown me not to give a fuck and in the past I used to care so much! What I take with me is that I love this person(me) and will continue to let go of things I can’t control. I wish u the best man! You are stronger than you know! Sometimes we just need people to help us when we are down. I hope this can help you. 😀


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## Illiterate (Mar 17, 2021)

Sportsdude8 said:


> Hey bud I haven’t been on here for years.. but I still deal with what you are dealing with in some form. I have the worst short term memory and I always misplace items and have to find them when I just set them down a second ago. What I learned is try to slow down and not think about making mistakes because it creates even more anxiety and spirals when you keep acknowledging your mistakes. I work as a nurse somehow but not in a hospital. I work in a home setting with patients and I find that taking my time and setting up my procedure or whatever I have to do beforehand has been successful for me and has let me be less anxious. I have had some type of dp for at least 7 years… I remember the first year I felt that my head was literally on fire. Looking back I can say it was because I was taking on too much pressure of my job to be a perfectionist and never trying to make any mistakes… what do has taught me is that we are not perfect and just let go. I’m totally a different person than I was back then and I may never be the same person back then, but now I accept myself as this new person and just trying my best everyday to live happily. Trust me it’s not easy because I do sometimes reflect on the past like I used to be soo smart, or soo sharp, or I was a lot quicker, a lot nicer, etc. Again Dp has shown me not to give a fuck and in the past I used to care so much! What I take with me is that I love this person(me) and will continue to let go of things I can’t control. I wish u the best man! You are stronger than you know! Sometimes we just need people to help us when we are down. I hope this can help you. 😀


Thanks for replying man. It really helps to be able to see im not alone.


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