# Symptoms



## blondieblue (Jul 6, 2011)

Hi im new here but have been reading a lot of the topics for several weeks now and have only commented a few times. I have had anxiety on and off for about 4 years and always came to this forum in my worst moments for reassurance. I have managed to get out of my anxiety cycle and depersonalization several times before even during the periods when I thought i was at my worst. However about 6 weeks ago i had another really really bad panic attack and now all my symptoms have come back much worse than ever and there are many new ones related to DP/DR ( i hope) that I have never experienced before so I was wondering if people could put into words things that they feel and think, both physical and psychological as I have never had DP/DR this intensely and am so terrified I am losing my mind and really to compare notes for some reassurance!!
Thanks!!


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## RedRain (Nov 16, 2010)

I think most of the people on here will all feel pretty much the same... But for me, generally;

Fear of losing my mind - like I'll just wake up in some random place and won't know what to do,
Feel like I'm dead, or that those around me are dead - a difficult 'connection' with people,
End up convincing myself that I have a serious problem with my brain,
Fear that I won't be able to walk again after resting for a while,
Afraid of leaving the house, 
Worry about why I feel so terrible, (I'm not certain what the cause of my DP was..),
Scared of death, or dying,
My vision seems "wrong". I can't put into words, but nothing seems to look right,
Like looking at myself from a distance, instead of being right here in the moment.

I could go on, but hopefully this helps.

I always feel strange, again I find it very difficult to put into words, but the best that I can come up with is 'Hazy'. Hazy Phase hmmmmmmm......


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## blondieblue (Jul 6, 2011)

Thanks so much for your post, and thank god, you're the first person who ive heard mention the walking thing...this has been one of my many major symptoms which terrified me especially because i haven't seen that anyone has mentioned it on here so i obviously keep thinking i dont have DP/DR but something much much worse...My symptoms are endless, the scariest ones being:

- feeling like I need to constantly tell myself where I am, who i am, who im talking to etc as sometimes when i'm in a situation i feel like i'm not there at all which makes it so hard for me to interact normally with the things around me... also sometimes feel so disconnected with myself and 
- feeling that everything is unreal, not really there 
- time feels so so strange as do memories
- the walking thing, feel like i cant walk, dont know where to walk, cant understand where the ground is, cant feel my feet on the ground, cant understand spaces, its a conscious act rather than a natural one....so frightening
- unable to feel my body at all, cant feel the size of it/shape of it, how im positioned etc and all the horrible thoughts that go with that sensation eg feel like im disappearing, fear that im totally losing touch with myself and reality, will never feel back to normal
- visual stuff as well is so disturbing, nothing looks right, cant put it into words either but a few things are feeling like everything is flat, 2D, not being able to look at things and understand them properly, feel like i really have to strain my eyes and mind to understand peoples faces and expressions..so so frightening
- really dizzy feeling, like in my head, like my body feels so off balance and not still...also ground sometimes feels like its moving under my feet

Such horrible things to experience which is why its so difficult to always tell myself its just anxiety...just want it to pass but hate thinking that Im the only one who can help myself

How long have you felt this way for? what do u think triggered it?


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## RedRain (Nov 16, 2010)

blondieblue said:


> - feeling like I need to constantly tell myself where I am, who i am, who im talking to etc as sometimes when i'm in a situation i feel like i'm not there at all which makes it so hard for me to interact normally with the things around me...


I do that a lot. Often if I'm not involved in a conversation, I will have to go through the names of my family, pets, friends, adresses, phone numbers etc. just to make sure that I haven't gone completely insane..

As for the cause, I'm really not sure. I know it wasn't drug-induced. I imagine it's just to do with a mix of things that I've grown up with. For example, I grew up with quite a number of family members dying. Things like this just built up I guess. I've always been a 'nervous' sort of person. I'm shy, and generally steer away from crowds.. I'm an only child, and always used to be quite imaginative as a young kid. Maybe this just kind of carried on, and I somehow put myself into Depersonalisation?

I've been diagnosed DP'd since about this time last year, but I think I've probably had it longer than that. Maybe a couple of years?


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## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

blondieblue said:


> Such horrible things to experience which is why its so difficult to always tell myself its just anxiety...just want it to pass but hate thinking that Im the only one who can help myself


Yes, I can totally relate. It is simple to call DP a dumb garbage perception, when I'm not very DPd. But I have ups and downs. When DP is bad, it's much harder just to brush it off as meaningless, because it's hard to just ignore such a strong feeling.


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