# :Blank:



## *deleted* (Nov 19, 2010)

I wanted to write the things that are happening to me, to write about my life, to tell you who I am, how I feel. 
But the truth is, I don't feel. Actually I don't think I even understand the meaning of that word.
I am sorry but

.............my mind is just totally blank.


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## birdiehead (Apr 19, 2010)

kikki said:


> I wanted to write the things that are happening to me, to write about my life, to tell you who I am, how I feel.
> But the truth is, I don't feel. Actually I don't think I even understand the meaning of that word.
> I am sorry but
> 
> .............my mind is just totally blank.


i'm going through the same thing. the emotional numbness is driving me mad. my mind is completely blank. i feel like i had a lobotomy.
i'm trying to find things to cope. if you have any ideas please let me know. right now i just blast my stereo and drink.


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## *deleted* (Nov 19, 2010)

birdiehead said:


> i'm going through the same thing. the emotional numbness is driving me mad. my mind is completely blank. i feel like i had a lobotomy.
> i'm trying to find things to cope. if you have any ideas please let me know. right now i just blast my stereo and drink.


I wish I could listen to music and take that mothers xanax with the vine. I can't do neither of those right now. The worst part for me is that nobody knows, and the few who do, ether stopped talking to me cause they thing I am on drugs and will hurt them, and other ones say I am just exaggerateing. I didn't even try telling my parents cause my mother alreay thinks I am ether on drugs or have schizophrenia, and my dad would think oh you're just a stupid little kid hit by puberty.


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## birdiehead (Apr 19, 2010)

kikki said:


> I wish I could listen to music and take that mothers xanax with the vine. I can't do neither of those right now. The worst part for me is that nobody knows, and the few who do, ether stopped talking to me cause they thing I am on drugs and will hurt them, and other ones say I am just exaggerateing. I didn't even try telling my parents cause my mother alreay thinks I am ether on drugs or have schizophrenia, and my dad would think oh you're just a stupid little kid hit by puberty.


i know it's super hard but you have to distract yourself. i wish i could give better advice. it'll pass i swear. you just have to ride it out. but don't lay in bed. you gotta keep moving around.


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## *deleted* (Nov 19, 2010)

birdiehead said:


> i know it's super hard but you have to distract yourself. i wish i could give better advice. it'll pass i swear. you just have to ride it out. but don't lay in bed. you gotta keep moving around.


Oh well I am trying. 
Good luck to you too.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

kikki said:


> I wanted to write the things that are happening to me, to write about my life, to tell you who I am, how I feel.
> But the truth is, I don't feel. Actually I don't think I even understand the meaning of that word.
> I am sorry but
> 
> .............my mind is just totally blank.


Exactly how I feel


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## *deleted* (Nov 19, 2010)

PositiveThinking! said:


> Exactly how I feel


Sorry to hear that dude.


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## Strangerdanger (Oct 3, 2010)

kikki said:


> The worst part for me is that nobody knows,


same for me. Nobody knows which makes you feel 10 times more alone. I tried to explain it to a few people but they didn't understand the severity of it. It's frustrating to be in the same room as a person and they have no idea what's going on inside of your head!


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## *deleted* (Nov 19, 2010)

> same for me. Nobody knows which makes you feel 10 times more alone. I tried to explain it to a few people but they didn't understand the severity of it. It's frustrating to be in the same room as a person and they have no idea what's going on inside of your head!


Totally. And I hate to listen to their problems. I mean it sounds horrible I know, but they would die cause their boyfriend didn't call them, or they failed a test....I mean sure I am a good student, I can't really complain that much about that kind of stuff but it kills me that they always are telling me "Oh shut you nerd you're life is perfect." 
They have no fucking idea and I "love" (dp caused lack of emotions) them so much and listen to them and be their shoulder to cry on.
I "hate" the pretending.


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