# I'm really struggling lately



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I just cannot accept this stupid disorder anymore, I'm not functioning properly anymore and I've lost all memories of what it feels like to be a fuking human being I feel as tho I've drifted off into the space of complete nothingness! Everything I do feels like nothing and I'm sick of not being able to connect to people properly or feel any sort of connection to the outside world!! My whole personality feels completely erased I'm rlly fuking struggling this year...I don't remember how it feels to be normal


----------



## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Im struggling too MissJess.....Its really tough I know...Hang in there!


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I just cannot seem to get back to normal and it's driving me crazy...I'm so sick and tired of dp I don't want his shit anymore


----------



## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

I get you. You think that you're okay for a sec, then you try to interact with the real world and feel how fucked up you are. Days and places feel like linked, and you can't separate life events.

What I'm trying to do is to forget about the dp, and bring myself back to reality slowly, even if dp is still striking back hard.

For example im volunteering to do stuff that I was good at before dp, stuff that remind me of my value as the person I was, such as teaching my cousin on excel or stuff as simple as correcting others' sentences in english.

I totally get what you mean about the memory stuff, but I think if you don't train your brain right now, your memories may seem more far away in the future. For now I'm trying to fight and ignore DP, and get myself back. In every situation I face, I resist taking the dp choice, and try to feel myself back to make a decision, to train myself back.

Believe I'm so tired too. It's been a year in dp for me. I answered this post cz I also related to you in a comment you did, about how you let yourself slip into dp instead of working on yourself, that's what I did without even knowing I'm doing it. I'll add you as friend well chat later in private.


----------



## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

Fearless said:


> You are a very passionate and emotional person, which is cool anyway, but in DP this trait creates a lot more suffering.
> 
> Trust me, we on DPSELFHELP all see that you personality is fukking intact no offense.


What do you mean? What do you think we can do? Accept the dp and let ourselves go?

I don't agree with that I'm just asking what you meant.


----------



## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

Fearless said:


> Also, it is very useful trick to recovery to act like being recovered. It feels the hardest thing to do on earth, but you can do it.


I agree 100%


----------



## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

missjess said:


> I just cannot accept this stupid disorder anymore, I'm not functioning properly anymore and I've lost all memories of what it feels like to be a fuking human being I feel as tho I've drifted off into the space of complete nothingness! Everything I do feels like nothing and I'm sick of not being able to connect to people properly or feel any sort of connection to the outside world!! My whole personality feels completely erased I'm rlly fuking struggling this year...I don't remember how it feels to be normal


missjess, let me ask, have you done anything at all in order to recover? Do you genuinely believe that there is not a single thing
that you haven't done in order to recover? Have you used your entire resources? Have you had any significant accomplishments
that gave you pride during those years? What have you done in order to recover besides posting "cry for helps"?
Do not get me wrong, I am not judging you in any way.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I have done many things to recover, working, taking new hobbies etc but this year I'm in a deep dark hole everything I do now feels the same and unfortunately I have identified my whole personality as dp like it's hard for me to feel like a normal person because I don't remember what that feels like....it feels like my dp is not budging and it feels more stuck then when I first got it...so yeah I'm rlly fuking struggling this year my psychiatrist is telling me I may just have to accept this for life...I'm also exhausted and drained physically, mentally and my spirit is crushed because I've had this for so long


----------



## JJ123D (Dec 6, 2013)

missjess said:


> I have done many things to recover, working, taking new hobbies etc but this year I'm in a deep dark hole everything I do now feels the same and unfortunately I have identified my whole personality as dp like it's hard for me to feel like a normal person because I don't remember what that feels like....it feels like my dp is not budging and it feels more stuck then when I first got it...so yeah I'm rlly fuking struggling this year my psychiatrist is telling me I may just have to accept this for life...I'm also exhausted and drained physically, mentally and my spirit is crushed because I've had this for so long


jess did u try any meds? Im thinking about starting a combination of ssri and antipsychosis. For some reason I feel that your condition is exactly like mine, I feel exactly the same, and tried a lot of things to recover. But didn't yet get serious with meds. What your psychiatrist said fucken scared me more.


----------



## numbum (Jun 22, 2013)

missjess said:


> I have done many things to recover, working, taking new hobbies etc but this year I'm in a deep dark hole everything I do now feels the same and unfortunately I have identified my whole personality as dp like it's hard for me to feel like a normal person because I don't remember what that feels like....it feels like my dp is not budging and it feels more stuck then when I first got it...so yeah I'm rlly fuking struggling this year my psychiatrist is telling me I may just have to accept this for life...I'm also exhausted and drained physically, mentally and my spirit is crushed because I've had this for so long


I feel the same way. I just want to break down. This disorder has taken everything from me. My friends, my personality, my creativity, my intelligence. I haven't felt mentally or physically comfortable in over 3 years, not even in my sleep. I can't even fake it anymore. DP no longer feels like a weird sensation because I have nothing to compare it to. I'm in my senior year of high school, and I don't know what the fuck is going to happen if I don't get better by the time I graduate. Do I even care, I don't even know.


----------



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

numbum said:


> I feel the same way. I just want to break down. This disorder has taken everything from me. My friends, my personality, my creativity, my intelligence. I haven't felt mentally or physically comfortable in over 3 years, not even in my sleep. I can't even fake it anymore. DP no longer feels like a weird sensation because I have nothing to compare it to. I'm in my senior year of high school, and I don't know what the fuck is going to happen if I don't get better by the time I graduate. Do I even care, I don't even know.


I'm so sorry to hear that....it's rlly a horrible disorder it zaps the joy out of living


----------

