# Family - how to get through to them



## gimpy34 (Aug 10, 2004)

My dad made a surprise visit to my house yesterday. I was taking a nap on the couch and the door swung open and I screamed because it scared the hell of me.

Anyway, he came to tell me that my family is worried about me. I haven't had a job in about 18 months, and have been kind of anti-social, especially in the past month and a half or so, since deciding to go off Klonopin. My sister told him that she thinks I'm on drugs. I've told them all about my condition, but for some reason they, like many doctors, can't look past the depression and anxiety part of it. I tell them I wish depression and panic were my only worries, but they don't seem to get it. I don't know how I can make myself clearer. They keep insisting that getting a job and being more social will make me feel better, and that I'm not helping myself.

The truth is, I'm just as miserable no matter what I'm doing. I don't know about you all but life's circumstances really have nothing to do with how I feel. All that seems to make a difference is make brain's chemistry at the time. I will go through phases of being social, exercising, and as a whole, I don't feel much better. I keep telling them that but they can't understand. I don't know if they ever will.

Any input would be appreciated.

There was a good article about titled "Depersonalization Disorder" by Daphne Simeon that was on the old board that I want to give my family. I was looking for it again but can't seem to find it. If anyone can provide that link, I would appreciate it.


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## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

they wont understand,take it from someone who knows


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## Guest (Aug 26, 2004)

Personally i think having a job is a good thing. It gives you a distraction & money. Im glad i have a job now, although i may want to cut my hours back when school starts. Thats another thing, school, though the college im goin to isn't my first choice, its better than nothing & i am lookin foward to all of the females who will be there, trust me im gonna try my hardest to get with as many girls as possible, no pun intended, unless i meet one of " the ones". Anyways i think its a must to have distractions & things to do. Like finally now, im starting to make progress with music & some good things are comming together & although i often question why its happening or thinking somethings gonna make it worse, i just keep pushin on. I know if i completely stop doin things it may result in my end.

As far as family, i suggest you print somethin out that gives a good description of your symptoms & give it to them. It took a while for my dad to understand, but I THINK, he finally does now, hopefully.


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## gimpy34 (Aug 10, 2004)

How do you deal with your parents then? I'm pretty sure they'll never understand. I appreciate their concern but I don't really know what to tell them. They asked me what they should do. I just said to give me time, lots of time. I hate saying this but I fear they are more worried about the image and reputation I'm projecting rather than about me. My sister went off on me about getting a job and how she wants a sister-in-law and nieces and nephews. Whoa, now. Hold your horses. I'm only 24. There's no way I'm thinking about starting a family while going through this crap. It doesn't have to be gone but must be a lot better.


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## gimpy34 (Aug 10, 2004)

Soul Brotha, I used to be in your boat. When I first had DP, I found distractions somewhat useful. Jobs, school, whatever. It has gotten so bad now. I am so stupid and DPed right now that being forced into a job situation would be a recipe for disaster, but more importantly, psychological torture.

This is a testament to how clueless my family is. My sister went to this program called OnSite in Tennessee, which is basically a two week camp for people with depression, most of whom are experiencing marriage problems, problems with alcohol. In my sister's case she was depressed because she didn't have a boyfriend above all things. She found it really helpful. My parents keep insisting that I should go. It's something like $3000. I basically laugh in their face and tell them that it would be the biggest waste of money. I tell them I'll go and send every other person there home cured of depression after they realize how petty their problems are. It will kind be like a bunch kids bitching about having the flu and coming up to someone with cancer and realize how lucky they are.

Those psychiatrists and social workers there would have never even heard of what we have.


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## gimpy34 (Aug 10, 2004)

My family is great. Don't get me wrong. The problem is every other person in my family has suffered from depression and some with panic attacks. In some ways this makes them more understanding but in many ways, but since one of our family genes is to act like know-it-alls (including myself), it makes them feel like they know exactly what I'm going through. I guess I could write a letter. They will be upset but it makes sense.


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## Guest (Aug 26, 2004)

i think your family i kind of right about working and doing stuff..but i think you should do it for different reasons. i think that once we get in the habbit of not doing anything..we dont ,,,and then its just harder for us to start up again. i know you said it doesnt make you feel better..but you could look at it as at least you will be making some money and have some experiences for when you do finally feel better.


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## gem (Aug 10, 2004)

gimpy34, I understand how you feel. My mother would always say, pull up your socks and get on with it. Well I heard this over and over again, finally one day I said to her, I have pulled up my socks, matter of fact I have pulled them up right over my friggin head and I still feel lousy. I was to tired to try again and explain this.

gem.


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## Guest (Aug 26, 2004)

See, you answered your own question.

If your parents think your sister's relationship camp is a good mental health tool for someone truly suffering symptoms, they have no clue.

They will clearly never grasp what is happening to you.

Love them for who they are and let it go.

Part of the psychological stuff that makes us this ill in the first place is a refusal to KNOW what we already know and move forward with reality instead of trying to change what is completely unchangeable.

Peace,
Janine


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## gimpy34 (Aug 10, 2004)

The second I feel I'm able and ready to work, I'm going to. It kills me being left out from all my friends who out there working. If I can get my DP back to how it was in say, August 2000, I'll be loving life.

Did anyone ever read that article about a guy who was in Vietnam and five years after he came back he got DP/DR after taking drugs? He said he would trade 'being normal and in Vietnam' anyday over having DP/DR. I can't remember where I read that but I've been trying to find that article.


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## Guest (Aug 27, 2004)

sometimes i just feel like i hate life


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## Guest (Aug 27, 2004)

its ironic, because i go from feeling optimistic to pessimistic & depressed in the same fuckin day. Its like i think about the few positive things i have going on & than i get reminded of the negative things. Like when i made that post earlier today, a few positive things happened, than i went all the way out to Massachusetts with my friend, to go to this mall, only to find out what i was looking for wasn't there, and my DR, HYPERVIGELANCE, DEREALMENT, WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS, was intensfied about 10 times over, i thought i was gonna like pass out or somethin.

now i feel like shit


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## Guest (Aug 27, 2004)

Gimpy34, I have the same problem with my parents.
For me it is time to accept that nobody ever helped me and nobody ever will.

I mean it is time to not ask them , but telling them to help.
If they are not on your side slam the fist down on the table and tell them where to get off with that stuff. If they still ignore you, let them go.

It takes much more energy to fight for your right to exist as who you are than to realize that you are alone when it comes to your parents.

It is better to have to do with people who are human enough to bolster your existence than to fight with ignorant people that are rigid enough to throw you out in the cold (symbolically spoken).

I mean, after all it is not our fault that we are ill, and we at least deserve some validation.
If it is not you who stands up for yourself, who else does?


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## gem (Aug 10, 2004)

I, I agree with you. It is not our fault that we are ill. I will never understand why some people will be undertanding and caring with some illnessess and not others. It is very upsetting to turn to those you love and be rejected when you are hurting.

gem.


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## gimpy34 (Aug 10, 2004)

That's simple. It's because we do not show the physical signs of illness. A lot of people don't recognize mental illness because if you've never had one, it's hard to really know. Everybody has had the flu or the cold and can relate. Before I had DP, I hadn't been depressed or anxious a day in my life. I would have looked at myself and said I was lazy, unmotivated, and weird. I was also 19 when I got it and hadn't really been around mental illness, since they usually don't hit people until ages 18 to 24. It's especially hard with DP because it's not a disease that's known to even many physicians except psychiatrists.

I've told a few people I would have rather have a cold every day for the rest of my life than to have had DP and they just laugh and call me dramatic.


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## Guest (Aug 27, 2004)

Gimpy,

I really understand where you are coming from. Not only do I feel alone, but I feel extremely ALONE!!!

It is such a yucky state to be in.

Sometimes if I do things I can get my mind off it, and sometimes I can't. I myself have tried so many things and I come up with 0.

I even have tried smoking weed and drinking and let me tell you NOTHING works. Sometimes I just want to give UP!!!

My family is 100% non supportive and i haven't worked since May...they are always yelling at me and calling me LAZY and telling me to work..

How can I work if I don't feel here. I have no car either and 2 kids.

I wish this would go away. I try to stay positive but I feel so negative and angry at myself.

Rachel :roll:


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## gem (Aug 10, 2004)

actually it is not that simple. People who truly love you should know enough to support someone when they are ill whether they see it or not. Telling someone should be enough and if they love you they should be able to tell you are not okay. It makes me sick the way emotional problems are always put on the back burner like they do not matter. There has been enough awareness in these illnessess for others to start to understand that illnessess such as this one has no face.

gem.


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