# Therapist takes it too lightly



## Homers_child (Apr 13, 2008)

I've been experiencing feelings of unreality for the past two years, constantly, it never goes away. Feelings of both depersonalization and derealization. I've never told my family or friends but I just recently started seeing a therapist for anxiety problems and I told her about it. I told it that it bothers me alot and sometimes I get anxiety from the dp and dr itself. She told me that she doesn't think I have any sort of depersonalization disorder or anything, she believes I suffer from these just as symptoms of my anxiety. And she barely ever talks about my unreality, just my anxiety... I don't know, I just think that she doesn't understand how bad it really is. I even told her that if I had the choice to get rid of one, I'd rather get rid of dpd and not anxiety. But she still seems to ignore it completely..

is there any way I can try to convince her that this is more than just a little symptom?


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

I understand what you mean when you say that unreality is worse than anxiety because at least anxiety makes you feel alive, but I do think she is right in that the unreality is likely a symptom of the anxiety and the way to deal with the unreality is to tackle the underlying anxiety, but for her to do that she has to communicate with you directly and tackle the issues you bring to her no matter what is at the front of your mind, so if I was you I would just try to communicate to her what you have written here and press on her your feelings about your distress at feeling unreal and that is what is bothering you in as direct a way as possible. I have found through my own therapy that all you can do is be as direct and honest as possible as much as possible, so if you feel that she is ignoring it just keep saying that to her until she either listens or explains to you her reasons, be forceful in your words if you have to.

It is her job to be open to your concerns and worries not to tell you what your concerns and problems are. Her ignoring your concerns about unreality is a barrier in your relationship and any barrier in your relationship is also a barrier to you healing, so I would just keep being persistant about your feelings if I was you.

My personal feelings are that it doesn't do too much good to give you labels on your disorder like depersonalisation, the only difference a label makes is if you are looking to get the right sort of meds, but I dont believe in them so I wouldn't bother too much about labels.


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## Homers_child (Apr 13, 2008)

thank you for your advice and response.

I'm not trying to get that 'label' or anything, I know it does you no good.. I just think she hasn't really been responding to it. Like she views it just as a little nosebleed or something that comes as a side effect from the anxiety. I do think there is a relation because my anxiety and feeling of unreality started getting worse at around the same time. but for her to like completely ignore it... I just don't like that. 
I thought that maybe she reacted like it was no big thing simply because I didn't act like it was a big thing. I feel deeply concerned and disturbed on the inside but when I talk about my dp and dr I'm often very calm and not hysterical so maybe she just doesn't realize how severe and bothered I am.. I just don't know what to say to her to make her realize that its not some come and go thing.


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## Socrates_macabre (Sep 22, 2008)

I know exactly how you feel, I had the same therapist for about 2 months, and I kept telling her the same things, and she kept telling me it was a symptom of depression and anxiety. No matter how hard I insisted she wouldnt budge. Eventually I saw three other therapists (thank god for state-provided insurance) and they all had said DP, so I went back and told her, yet she still held firm. Even though she had attempted to treat the depression and anxiety with no change. So I just suppose some therapists arent in touch enough with their patients.


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## anonomatt (Jun 18, 2008)

Chalk up another.

My psychologist kept saying it was the depression. And I even confronted her and told her these feelings of unreality and not feeling anything were more servere, but she didn't get it.

It's a tough fucking thing this. I would suggest seeing a therapist who specialises in it or at least knows of it.


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## lalaland (Mar 22, 2008)

I've been dealing with this exact same issue. I actually told my therapist how I felt recently and she got offended and passive aggressive about it!! (Maybe she also needs to be seeing a shrink!) No sweat though, I couldn't stand her trivialising my experience anymore. I'm in the process of calling some new names.
If yours won't listen then she doesn't know what she's talking about or she'll invalidate your situation which will make you feel even more isolated and misunderstood which certainly will not help your depersonalization. It's an issue I have discovered after talking to many 'professionals' that hardly anyone really has any idea what it's about or how to fix it because they can't imagine what it would be like and haven't experienced it themselves. Most therapists and Drs will treat you more or less like you're a hypochondriac who is self diagnosing, no matter how text book you are to the symptoms. However, I did meet one gem last year who was fantastic. She didn't fully understand but she tried really hard and was genuinely interested in my progress and health. I honestly appreciated her and trusted her and she did her best.
As a suggestion, definitely see someone new. Don't stick it out with this person because you'll never feel fully trusting or comfortable with them and their doubts about you will be a permanent road block to your recovery.

Best wishes, x


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## Cathal_08 (Apr 7, 2008)

talk theraphy is general useless and makes things worse, for me it definetly just made it worse!


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## Cathal_08 (Apr 7, 2008)

Homers_child said:


> I've never told my family or friends but I just recently started seeing a therapist for anxiety problems and I told her about it. I told it that it bothers me alot and sometimes I get anxiety from the dp and dr itself. She told me that she doesn't think I have any sort of depersonalization disorder or anything, she believes I suffer from these just as symptoms of my anxiety. And she barely ever talks about my unreality, just my anxiety... I don't know, I just think that she doesn't understand how bad it really is.


thats what mine said to STRESS STRESS ANXIENTY ANXIETY.
there completely useless and all they ever say is stress, they never fukin try to say how to get rid of it, there terrible, that what ever doctor or thereapists says STRESS and none of them even know what DP is! and they are no help at all!


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## rebecca_forcier (May 27, 2009)

I would search around for another therapist. Ive never had one who took it seriously either but im hoping to find one. 
I'd get rid of the one you have immediately though because it's probably going to make your dr worse.


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## Deja_vu_256 (Apr 27, 2009)

if we can't cry and scream and have terror in our eyes, we MUST be lying and are just going to therapy for fun, perhaps someone to talk to, to spend money or, my favorite, sympathy!!!!! Cuz thos are the things people with depersonalization enjoy the most...

Truthfully, we are doomed to be misunderstood for the duration of our dp! i have yet to meet an intelligent therapist who could help me in ANYWAY. (or one who cud even comprehend what DP really is)


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## ZachT (Sep 8, 2008)

My therapist is kind of the same. 
The reason why they do this is because anxiety can be a big cause of DP. And if you can get rid of alot of anxiety, you have a better chance of getting rid of the DP.


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## Johnny Dep (Feb 8, 2009)

I don't think anyone who doesn't have DP can understand it. Regular person, mental health profesional, it doesn't matter. If you don't have it you can't understand it.


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

Get another therapist.

My therapist takes it nice and heavy. She didn't know about depersonalization before she met me, but I think she took the time to research it, because she definitely takes it deeply into consideration. Talking about dp for an hour isn't going to cure dp, so of course we go on about the issue of anxiety and trauma. The basis is anxiety, so these therapists aren't entirely wrong.


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## razer777 (Jun 28, 2010)

I imagine you are like most of us and your anxiety is caused by your DP. Not the other way around, try and communicate this to her.


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## Zee Deveel (Aug 3, 2009)

The rapist?


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## babybowrain (Aug 24, 2010)

I think it's sort of hard to convince a therapist/doctor or any professional like that out of their opinion...my therapist took my depression and anxiety problems lightly too he went on about how it's common and stuff although I haven't told him about dp/dr yet since it's ten times better now


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## Synergyabc (Oct 11, 2010)

I seen my therapist for the first time just two days ago and was very dissapointed also. I told her what I thought it was and gave her a list of my symptoms along with my life story. She told me that she didnt see any DPD and that she thinks I'm depressed, have anxiety and some PSTD..... hmmm this is really annoying because I am really not all that depressed and the only time that I have any PSTD symptoms is when driving. Any symptoms that I am having is being caused from my DPD not the other way around. She asked me what problems are effecting me the most and I told her that I cant think! Its effecting every aspect of my life so she told me to get tested for dementia.... I'm 36! Then referred me to a depression and anxiety group. What really confused me about her diagnosis is that she said that some of my issues with feeling detached from my mind could be like when someone goes through trauma they will remove themselves mentally. But that I show no symptoms of being DPD???? I am however going to go have some bloodwork done to make sure that its not my thyroid and look at the possibilities of dementia... But I highly doubt that an emotional overload could be the cause of SUDDEN DEMENTIA... So you are not alone! I totally understand where you are coming from. I am looking for someone that specializes in cognetive therapy locally. I figure if I am going to spend my time and money on therapy I would prefer it would be someone who is going to listen and guide me in the right direction of recovering or even managing more efficiently.


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## Guest (Mar 12, 2011)

I so can relate to this. Every therapist i`ve ever gone to pays NO attention to the DP. They only pay attention to the anxiety and where it`s coming from. A subject wich i do not give a shit about. I`d kill 5000 people and molest 5000 others to get the PRIVILEGE of feeling anxiety and get rid of the DP.
Psychologists are trained academical robots who only works and thinks by the curriculum they learned in school. Everytime i meet a new therapist and tell them that my problem is DP i can see in their eyes that thei`re analyzing the DSM,in wich i know it stands it`s only a minor side affect of anxiety, and you know the rest... I have to constantly state how bad the DP is to even have a dream of making the DP a topic in the conversation.

OMMMGGG!! It`s like we all here have the worst dissease,but no one knows anything about it!! We`re trapped! I just want to become totally schizophrenic psychotic so people can understand me!


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## kanda (Feb 8, 2012)

I can also totally relate to this. Ive seen about 4 different therapists over the past 6 years and the last two that I have had since Ive had DPDR just seemed dumbfounded and couldn't really "get it". And they are both very respectful therapists, at least that I respect, they always seem to understand even the trickiest of mental chaos, and yet this just sort of doesn't pass through their filter of understanding. I just try not to talk about it too much but its such a huge part of my reality that its almost impossible and it causes nearly all of my problems as well ( inability to focus/be alive= career problems, sucicidal thoughts etc.) But I suppose they would rather talk about all those other things without seeing the cause behind it. I don't know. I will say though that it ABSOLUTELY BLOWS that there is no cure/medication to take for it. But I also assume that its for the best since ultimately its all a protective mechanism....


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

Ask if she would be willing to be "paid lightly". <groan>
Seriously though, we can expect our mental health professionals to recognize our symptoms as we prioritize them.
We can't expect them to "feel our pain". If they did, all the compassionate and empathetic mental health workers would commit suicide.
Get your therapist to acknowledge your belief that your DP is the "egg", and your anxiety is the "chicken". Explain why you believe
that to be the situation. If she believes otherwise, let her explain herself. It is probably a chicken/egg conundrum. If the anxiety and DP are looped, then
resolving either one might be the key to relief.
So it might not be a waste of time if you have a workable plan to resolve your anxiety. Anxiety is often the visceral component of the issue.
When I experience an episode of major depression, I can cope with the negative thoughts. The insomnia is rough, but I have coped with it.
When the anxiety kicks in and joins the insomnia and depression, by boat sinks quickly. I can lose 30 lbs in no time. So, prioritizing the anxiety is not necessarily a bad thing, from my perspective.


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## Joshu (Nov 10, 2011)

Well, I am a bit of a contrarian and believe that the anxiety comes from the dp/dr - if anyone has research to the contrary I will be glad to hear it.

Also, my experience with therapists is if you hit something that he/she just won't accept, it is usually most expedient to move on to someone else.

J


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## noname (Sep 23, 2008)

> Get your therapist to acknowledge your belief that your DP is the "egg", and your anxiety is the "chicken"


dude, what you say is somewhat presomptuous ... Anxiety, DP are somewhat linked in a way, its not only a relation of egg and chicken, and analyzing your emotionnal problem aside DP can never do bad things (it can help for example to build a new "knowing of self", instead sense of self).
The problem of going to therapist is that you hope that they will heal DP or "un-distress" you about it, thats not how it work.

but I agree that therapists and various health care stuff are generally biaised toward "any symptom enought obscure = anxiety", thats really annoying. 
My father for example have never get other than "thats somatisation, stop insisting" for 8 years of back pain.... Wich have necessited a surgery 2 month ago : it appeared thats was a "real" problem.


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## 12345 (Mar 8, 2012)

I've found that it's hard to explain to my loved ones how I'm feeling. If even they cannot fully grasp how DP feels, I can imagine someone who is working for a paycheck will understand even less.


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## orca (Nov 21, 2011)

"She told me that she doesn't think I have any sort of depersonalization disorder or anything, she believes I suffer from these just as symptoms of my anxiety"

this fucking angers me so much.. i hate fuckwits like that.. i told my doctor and she rolled her eyes at me the bitch!!1

Just because they are a DR. they think that the have fucking learnt everything there is to know! If you become a fucking
doctor or anything for that nature, you should have the passion and desire to learn more and have a open fucking mind, not just
dismiss something your not familiar with.


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

Socrates_macabre said:


> I know exactly how you feel, I had the same therapist for about 2 months, and I kept telling her the same things, and she kept telling me it was a symptom of depression and anxiety. No matter how hard I insisted she wouldnt budge. Eventually I saw three other therapists (thank god for state-provided insurance) and they all had said DP, so I went back and told her, yet she still held firm. Even though she had attempted to treat the depression and anxiety with no change. So I just suppose some therapists arent in touch enough with their patients.


I gave my therapist the book "Feeling Unreal". It's a text book on dpd. I'm in there so she can't deny my dx anymore. She found it interesting too. USA is like 7 years or more behind other countries in their research.


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## sheldon780 (Apr 17, 2013)

Ive had many therapists, none could help me, ive decided that I need to discover myself.


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