# Anyone relate? my DP/DR struggle.



## Guest (Jul 23, 2012)

I'm 17, I've only experienced 'dissociation' once in my life and that was for about an hour. I have been suffering with DP and DR 9 months now and it's started changing in stages. I don't fear it anymore, it has become a part of me (For the moment) and unlike a lot of people on here I can't fight mine or control it.

At first I was in my body, felt most emotions and was quite safe and comfortable but everything around me looked disorientated and hazy, my thoughts were in front of me and my mind was constantly doing a running commentary on everything I did.

Then, I think I'd stressed my brain out so much with extreme OCD and worrying about the 'DP/DR' that I'd read about on here. I struggled to look at what other people wrote and believe they had what I did or if I was doomed or something ridiculous. A couple of months later I went to see a psychologist who straight away knew I had dissociation, which you'd think would be a massive relief but because I was so afraid of the word 'De-personalization' I was making my anxiety worse by panicking on a daily basis.

A few weeks after, my thoughts literally went and I was left with a completely blank mind, void of any thoughts, personality, just everything and I had a full on mental breakdown. I feel extremely lucky to have such a supportive family at times like these.

Now it's month 9, I feel like my brain has completely left my head, can't sleep, can barely bring myself to go outside because the lights are so bright and fluorescent, the grass looks neon and all of the colors are stupidly bright. I have been diagnosed with chronic sleep deprivation, PTSD, somitisation, severe DP/DR and hypo sensitivity. I have forgotten what feeling human feels like, never mind normal. If anyone can relate to this and could chat that would be nice, I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one who's 'like this' even though I read stuff on here from time to time, but when I do I instantly think back to the beginning of my dissociation and if that's how you feel.. compared to how I do now.

I think everyone should feel amazingly strong for being able to live with this and keeping hope that time will heal your mind, some days I doubt myself but I know that it's just my issues and the DP/DR is just a mental illness, disorder.. whatever you call it but that's all it is. It's a horrible experience but you are all such strong people and most of us go throughout life never appreciating, taking it for granted. We don't.. we know the true value of life and being able to feel 'normal' and well, real.

But I won't give up hope







my psychologist who specializes in dissociation and has studied DP/DR for 30 years, who had it herself as a teenager said that the brain can heal with time and so will all of yours, the hippo-campus can re-generate itself and especially if you're in your early days you defiantly should keep strong and know that time is the healer.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

AcousticHeart said:


> I'm 17, I've only experienced 'dissociation' once in my life and that was for about an hour. I have been suffering with DP and DR 9 months now and it's started changing in stages. I don't fear it anymore, it has become a part of me (For the moment) and unlike a lot of people on here I can't fight mine or control it.
> 
> At first I was in my body, felt most emotions and was quite safe and comfortable but everything around me looked disorientated and hazy, my thoughts were in front of me and my mind was constantly doing a running commentary on everything I did.
> 
> ...


Yep pretty much, I really have no idea of what feeling normal is anymore :/


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## Question-Everything (Jun 30, 2012)

I really don't remember anything in my second year but I've pretty much allways been disociated I don't remember If I've ever been like that but I've had horrible side affects from dp. Alot of people can relate to this don't worry man it's normal to us abnormal people haha.


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## Jpa (Oct 10, 2012)

AcousticHeart said:


> I'm 17, I've only experienced 'dissociation' once in my life and that was for about an hour. I have been suffering with DP and DR 9 months now and it's started changing in stages. I don't fear it anymore, it has become a part of me (For the moment) and unlike a lot of people on here I can't fight mine or control it.
> 
> At first I was in my body, felt most emotions and was quite safe and comfortable but everything around me looked disorientated and hazy, my thoughts were in front of me and my mind was constantly doing a running commentary on everything I did.
> 
> ...


 I totally feel just like you. My dp/dr was so severe that now I just feel like a body left with horrible thoughts about life. I would love to chat about your experience if you want to send me an instant message. I would love to know who your pyschologist is. Hope you're doing better.


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