# my boyfriend has dp. need help please



## hey_its_bri (Mar 16, 2015)

Hi, My names Bri and my boyfriend has dp and its a new concept to me. Ive never heard of it before so it was a shock to me. I know hes been in a really stressful environment that he has no control over and has a negative effect on his mental state. I love him to death and I stand by his side through it all. And I really need tips on how to support him and care for him in the best way. His dp comes and goes for him. If anyone is dating someone with dp or is dealing with dp themselves please give me tips and advice. Thank you


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## Guest (Mar 16, 2015)

Hi Bri. I'm Jeff, one of the owners of the site. I very rarely see people like yourself who are completely selfless and out to help others, however each time I do it makes me hopeful for the future! First off let me thank you, you are a person that everyone with DP needs, someone who is supportive no matter what, and sticks by their partners side. Not many of the 30,000 members on here have that, and I've read a few posts like yours and i cant believe the commitment that some people have to their partner. You're an amazing person for sticking by your bf.

As far as it goes as helping him, you are already doing it! Just know that some days, he may feel like a million bucks, and others, he may not want to get out of bed. DP is a roller coaster, and unfortunately, we all succumb to the downfalls of it. Just be there and accept what he says.

If your boyfriend wants any advice PLEASE tell me to contact me on here, i'd be so happy to talk to him, and of course if you want to message me and learn more i'd be honored to talk to someone who is so helpful to their partner.

Thank you for this post, it really helps me believe their are good people in this world 

Jeff


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

I also think it's awesome that you are supportive of your bf!

I'm going to say a few deep things though...

First... in DP it's easy to believe one doesn't have "feelings" for loved ones. This is false! The love inside a person with DPDR is STILL there, even when the awareness of it is apparently missing. The thing is, if one truly didn't have feelings then it wouldn't matter if those feelings were not being felt, (does this make sense?) People with DPDR are pretty much PISSED OFF that they can't feel their emotions... this only is indicative that those feelings are real, just not immediately noticeable.

Second... be supportive but not forceful. I think that speaks for itself. Encourage your bf to engage in life, but don't push if he really isn't up for it. I say this one because I had a relationship where I was told "Just Live!"..."Stop being neurotic!" and it was borderline abusive... I don't intuit you are the kind of partner to be this way, but I'm saying it just generally.

Third... know the difference between Empathy & Sympathy. Even people who recover cannot recall what DPDR actually feels like to have... so Empathy VS *Sympathy*


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## andreajs (May 10, 2015)

I'm right there with you bri. I'm struggling with the hurt of my bfs lack of emotion and apparent lack of concern with how I feel. I'm trying to be understanding of this disorder and learn as much as I can but, its difficult to convince myself that its a disorder, its not him. Its difficult to convince myself that maybe he doesn't mean to hurt and ignore me. Last night I begged for something, anything, I needed to know I was still loved... He told me he thought maybe he should move out, which would put him 600 miles away with no hope of fixing this. I am more than willing to fight for him. I am more than willing to learn and be supportive. But, at a time when I need him the most, when I'm in tears and begging for a connection... That's what I'm struggling with. How do I support him and keep from making it worse when I need him the most. I'm sorry, I probably sound so scattered. Last night was probably the worst night of my life and I haven't sorted it out yet.


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