# Extraordinary Kindness.



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Just thought I'd relate this, because it puzzles me. Being a son of the south-east wind and all that.

I've recently met a woman, and her family, who - to put it lightly, have a terrible life. Well, terrible by my standards. They have five children, between the ages of 2 and 19, all of them terribly sweet and polite, but in trouble with drugs or school or something. The husband is an ex-heroin addict who is now addicted to morphine and is on disability. She works in a pub, has had a physically abusive husband and all kinds of shit in the past, as has her new husband, who is a great bloke. Yet...these people are the most extraordinarily kind people I have ever met. Ever. With the woman particularly, who I know best, she kind of, well, shines with kindness...despite her situation. Forgiving poetic license for a moment...it seems like her natural state, in spite of everything. They literally gave up their last ?10 to me the other day.

How does this happen? How can someone like me, who at worst has had some occasionally bad moments (daddy splitting up with mommy, DR), but apart from that a great life, be so fused with rage and vitriol, and people like them be so completely gentle. It is a simple case of personality, or experience? I don't understand...but I tell you what, I'm grateful...the world is a better place with people like that in it.


----------



## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

speaking for myself i would say its personality and the way we think and look at the world...which might explain why the best comedians are cynical beyond belief...


----------



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

True JC, true.

It's just amazes me, how people can suffer so much yet be so giving. I guess that says quite a lot about me.!!


----------



## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

sorry to be so nosey martin but i thought you were earning 250? a day....im only asking because are you on benefits at the moment ?


----------



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

No worries JC. I was earning ?250 a day on my 3 month contract, but that ended a while back. I'm mildly loaded, thank god, but I still qualify for disability benefit because....well....I bended the truth somewhat. Not much chance of me going back to work in the near future anyway, so I qualify because the money I have isn't savings, strictly.

I thought I was OK a couple of days ago, but it's really starting to hit me now...it all kinds of shit ways.


----------



## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

the bastards made me wait 28 weeks before they gave me a penny,thats why im dubious about working fulltime until i have a confirned job as i cant afford to wait another 28 days...
i still have rent and outstanding loans to pay off and i have a crystal clear credit record but no-one will give me a loan....i wanted to borrow 3,000 ? to pay off two debts and my overdraft but without a job im stuffed


----------



## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

it makes sense. i think sometimes these people can deal with reality better because they have been in so many VERY real and troubling situations, put themselves on the line, etc. we've just lived mostly in our heads, never really losing anything or gaining anything.

maybe when you've really lost something that you put your heart out for, and you go out into the world and try again, is when you are able to become kind.

it actually is starting to make perfect sense. i say it was a good thing you met these people martin.

----------------

btw NO one I know who has had the good life is really happy...they're neurotically bent up about the small things. the ones that have been through SO much, that they have built strength...those are the people who don't complain about the small stuff, who aren't worried too much about losing, who are able to give money away, etc.

i would always complain about bike riding if it was even slightly windy. i would be tired, hungry, whatever. couldn't believe some punk kid i knew who lived daringly could just put on his bike shoes and go, yet i couldn't do crap.

then recently another bad dating experience happened. and one saturday, i thought to myself "im bored, maybe i should take a walk". but i got on my bike instead. and rode 20 miles.

and rode again and again and learned more about myself and risks and independence each time. stopped to enjoy the nature.

i'm still riding.

we, with the good lives, have too many things to kill the pain, so we never really take note and joy in the small miracles. we only complain when we don't have that extra piece to our fulfilling material experiences. constantly trying to find that perfect euphoria of experience. but that's not the way it is, yet we spend all kinds of money to keep trying.

then something tragic happens that shakes our world, and we are left staring at the fisherman by the river, noting how beautiful and sad the waters are, and how happy and incredible it all is, and then we really start living. and then ride our bike off into the sunset.

i have also started throwing away things..things that would be show-off attributes of my personality...books, cds, etc. i was like "no one is going to see this or be impressed" because i met someone impressive who wasn't. and it's been an interesting experience as well.

a friend o fmine said that he discovered the more simple his life became, the more he really discovered what a complicated being he was. interesting stuff.

paradoxes of life.


----------



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Jc - You can apply for Job Seekers allowance as well. You only have to wait three days for that. It's something like ?55 a week.

Person3 - You're absolultely right in what you say.



> then something tragic happens that shakes our world, and we are left staring at the fisherman by the river, noting how beautiful and sad the waters are, and how happy and incredible it all is, and then we really start living. and then ride our bike off into the sunset.


But here, unfortunately, is where I differ. I am so utterly cynical about everything, except my mothers love, that when something tragic does shake my world, I'm not one to smell the roses. Rather, I begin to notice more and more how the sunrise is such just a tedious daily event, and that people start to annoy me even more. I was shaking with rage yesterday, as I lay in bed puking into a bucket by my bedside. It seems I can only look upon the world as something other than an annoyance when I feel good and able to do exactly what I want. It's so incredibly childish. But again, unfortunately, rage and darkness (christ, I sound like a Sith lord) has served me well when the chips have been down - so perhaps it's learned behaviour for me.

I'll never forget at a barbeque one time, what someone said to this rather annoying chap, who had just returned from India and was still in the throes of the 'travelling vibe', and was barking on and on and on and on about 'finding himself' while buzzed up on some filth and playing the bongos on the beach. This other guy said...'Hmm...you don't 'find yourself' or 'discover who you are' by sitting on the top of a mountain humming mystic chants. You find out 'who you are' when you're at home, under a mountain of debt, in normal troubling situations, with decisions to make that could make or break your life ahead of you'.

Never a more true word has been spoken.


----------



## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

you can only claim one or the other,by claiming incapacity benefit you are declaring yourself unfit for work,they wont pay you both unfortunately


----------



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Oh.

I know you can claim income support and disability benefit at the same time. You can also get apply for something called a 'Crisis Loan' to get you through till you've sorted your finances out. You just have to lay it on thick - like how it's difficult living with your parents, how desperate you are...etc. Give it a try with a tear in your eye.

You can get the application for the Crisis (Social) fund online. Just google for the UK Job Centre Plus url. It's about 400 pages long, but it might be worth it.


----------



## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

i applied and recieved a crisis loan and they gave me 20?.....im interested though in income support and incapacity benefit


----------



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

?20 ? Are you kidding ? What a kick in the teeth.


----------



## jc (Aug 10, 2004)

yeh ...thats the ironic thing im told everyday by my mum that 'your ok to work'

well now i dont react to her sly digs anymore because living on fresh air isnt easy...i pay the same amopunt of rent that i did when i was working and it leaves me with just enough money to cover my loans


----------



## Guest (May 24, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> This other guy said...'Hmm...you don't 'find yourself' or 'discover who you are' by sitting on the top of a mountain humming mystic chants. You find out 'who you are' when you're at home, under a mountain of debt, in normal troubling situations, with decisions to make that could make or break your life ahead of you'. .


this reminds me of a quote I heard in a preview for a film about Amma, the Indian Saint-- "Life itself is a teaching, If you write 'honey' on a piece of paper, and try to lick it and find sweetness, that's impossible."

http://anothereality.jankounen.com/anglais/index.html

to watch the preview click "DARSHAN promo reel"


----------



## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

> I am so utterly cynical about everything, except my mothers love, that when something tragic does shake my world, I'm not one to smell the roses. Rather, I begin to notice more and more how the sunrise is such just a tedious daily event, and that people start to annoy me even more.


yes, this happened to me for a while. because I couldnt accept what had happened. lately i've been more accepting of things that have happened (ok, VERY recently) and it comes in little bits and you're not gonna feel it strong at first but it takes a while.


----------



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

My (temporary) lack of cynicism regarding people has returned, and will stay.

I went out on a night out with the people I've described above (incidently -paying for all their drinks because they are broke) as a way of sayin thankyou to them, even though my second arsehole was bleeding. We had a good night, until the woman went bezerk for no apparent reason and run off - now bare in mind I was meant to be 'looking after her'..so you can imagine how I felt. Anyway, her husband eventually turned up at the pub and told me to forget about her - then left me and went to another pub !!! Anyway, to cut a long story short - I went back to their house and crashed out asleep on the sofa. They came home about 4 in the morning, the woman threatening to kill herself, and the bloke just completely smashed out his face. I think I calmed them down, at least I tried, until I woke up and..............they accussed me of stealing their Methadone !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though I never left the couch while she was running around the house trying to find things to kill herself with.

I thought I had learned my lesson. I have now. Stay away from humanity. Jesus. At least my life isn't unevenful !!


----------



## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Hello Martin,

Hope this post finds you feeling okay for what you are going thru...medically.

*And*, as if you weren't going thru enough, you wind up at the house of a bunch of psycho's !!!! :shock: That's a damn scarey story, Martin.

You might want to give humanity as a whole another chance and just try staying away from strung out whacko's. Jeezy Peezy. :roll:

Even in the midst of your health issues, it's good to know you're still out there taking a walk on the wild side. Do share any other tales from the dark side with us. Next time we'll roast some marshmellows. lol.

Take good care,
terri


----------



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Hello Sweetheart...

Yes, cancer or no cancer, my life continues to swirl around me like a tornado. Don't you worry about that. 

x


----------



## Guest (Jun 2, 2005)

> But again, unfortunately, rage and darkness (christ, I sound like a Sith lord)


 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: (I wipe a tear away)


----------

