# Marriage



## Snowy (Aug 10, 2004)

Hello, 
I am a 28 year old australian woman.. never been married and never want to get married.. i just dont feel the need to spend my life with someone and never have.. I dont want all the bullshit that goes with marriage.. just wondering if anyone else feels like this as my friends think i am abnormal because i dont want the so called boring normal house wife shit crap life.  Is there any other girls out there that don't want marriage and all the trimmings? Or are they completely right? I am abormal?  not that i mind being abormal. I kind of like it.


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## Snowy (Aug 10, 2004)

Yea. I guess anything can happen.. and it has.. someone has walked into my life that i love very much. But i still don't want to give up my freedom and spend the rest of my life with them.. in that way... But in every other way they are perfect for me and i for them. But i still picture myself living alone for the rest of my life and enjoying it  I really only want to build strong friendships. I guess i love my freedom too much


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## Snowy (Aug 10, 2004)

Ahhh your mother in law sounds perfect  i could definitely live like that. I don't really sleep around, so that is not an issue. I just like to live alone, sleep alone (cant stand hearing someone breath next to me) and when someone gets too close to me i feel suffocated and start to resent them. I know i have issues being in relationships... but on the other hand i am a hopeless romantic and love dark mysterious strangers and the moonlight and perhaps even fangs.


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## Snowy (Aug 10, 2004)

haha yes i bet you would have felt insecure. Why does she think marriage is abnormal? I don't really think it is abnormal, i just don't think it is for me. I know alot of my old friends in school couldnt wait for the man of their dreams to come and then get married and have kids and have the white picket fence and whatever else goes with it, but not me, i always wanted to be a horse and roam free. ( when i was really really young, i actually thought when you got older you could be whatever you wanted to be, including a horse.. lol.. but this was like 5 years old... shit , maybe i am crazy.) Anyway.. yea, i do have serious issues with rlships.. probably a big reason i do not want to ever get married. I have never really witnessed or been in a normal relationship so this may have something to do with it. The longest i have ever been in a relationship for was 5 years and that was from the age of 15 to 20.. but that was problematic...
Now, the fangs... i have a thing for vampires lol  Actually, i have a thing for any dark mysterious stranger. I often dream about a man with long black hair, dressed all in black, holding onto my arm and me holding onto his while people are trying to pull me away from him because he is incredibly evil. I don't know what it means.. maybe it means nothing.. but it is a very sexy dream


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## Snowy (Aug 10, 2004)

> I don't think it's abnormal either...whatever suits you right? I like to make fun of her and tell her she's a hypocrite because she was married once. She always says that she was young and stupid. She doesn't actually believe in marriage now. She thinks if you love someone you shouldn't have to pay the government for a piece of paper that says so, you shouldn't have to live together, you shouldn't have to file a joint tax return, you shouldn't waste money on a wedding, etc. So she has her reasons and I don't necessarily disagree with some of her opinions, each to their own.


Yea. I am just so confused about marriage. I know i don't want it. At least i think i don't. I know i do love someone very much, but im not even sure if it is romantic love. He is an english man and we get along so well and have for the last 8 years, talking every day, both have the same dreams etc.. and although he would love to be my boyfriend, i am not attracted to him physically and i feel bad for it. I don't want to feel bad for it, because i cannot help not being attracted to him in that way, but still, i do feel bad for it.



> I'm sure this has everything to do with it. I think that a healthy relationship is pure and simple luck. I never witnessed it either and was in a common-law relationship from 14 to 21...it was problematic to say the least. In the end all it taught me was what I was NOT looking for in a man. I know that I could have easily repeated poor judgement and just a tendency to look for an a**hole but honestly I lucked out. My husband and his family are so normal that they are dysfunctional...maybe with the exception of his Mom, but she's still very normal. If we didn't cross paths I would still be saying I will never get married, I'm sure of it.


haha yes, i guess things do change don't they. One day you can say you will never get married, but i guess if that certain someone came along... then it may go all out the window. I was with someone 4 months ago, and we lasted 6 months.. he was perfect for me.. that dark mysterious stranger i lust after.. but in the end i pushed him away and broke it off as i do all the time.. When people get close to me, i just push away,... even if i care deeply about them.



> Some idea or fear that is draining energy, ambition, resolution. A negative relationship that you are not dealing with well, and so feel is draining your energy or sense of well-being. Difficult feelings about sex or sexual relationship. Feelings about not being independent, but psychologically linked with someone like a parent.
> 
> So either that or you just like sexy, dark, mysterious strangers.


 yes, well i do like those type of men... but some of that may be true... i do have problems with being independant.. i never want to lose my independance and have to rely on anyone... i guess i just dont trust this world and that people can always be there for you.. in the end i think everyone leaves and u are left all alone... so it is better to stay that way from the beginning.. crazy i know.. i just push and push people away.. and once they get so close to discover my deep dark secrets, out comes the veil and back into the shadows i go. Ahhh well, one day i will work it all out.


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## californian (Jul 24, 2006)

marriage can either have a spiritual or religious dimension, or it can be a contract between two people. or it can be both. if you have no particular desire to have a spiritual or contractual union with someone else because you feel the cost would be too great (for whatever reason), then why would you get married? why bother with something like that? just because everyone else does?

it sounds like your friends, snowy, just think you are weird because THEY don't give much thought to WHY someone would get married in the first place.


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## Snowy (Aug 10, 2004)

Yes, i must admit they are not very open minded.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Up until I met my ex-wife, I never ever, ever, dreamed of getting married. I just couldn't see the point. And even when I was married, I didn't see the point of it. It just made things worse, for a number of reasons...most of them out of our control.

I've recently met an australian girl, and after (typically) a month of whirlwind madness, I jokingly asked if she would marry me. Now, I know 'jokingly' asking a woman to marry you is akin to having a herd of elephants trampling over your gonads, but she she 'she would'. I nearly fell out of bed, except I was lying on the floor at the time, looking for my socks. Hopefully, the matter has been forgotten. :shock:

The 'question' of marriage is definately different for men and women. And the big 'children' thing comes into it.


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## Snowy (Aug 10, 2004)

:lol: Martin

Yes, most women you cannot ask jokingly to marry you.. they take it very seriously. I think i would rather eat a bucketfull of pig balls then get married, but each to their own 
I also do not want any children, or should i say any more. I already have a 9 year old son whom i adore and i am happily single raising him on my own as his father is abusing his body with herion and trying not to pick up the soap in jail. He is not a bad man, just misguided... and i am drawn to the bad boys..
So where did you meet this australian woman? Do you know her off the net or in england?


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

:lol: Yes, I know it was a mistake. I hope she didn't take me seriously.

Where did I meet her? Wooo...that's a long long story. Basically, I bullshitted her in a bar, got absolutely drunk, sat on top of a hill looking out over the city, went back to hers, and the rest is history.

I've tried to 'dump' her twice, selfishly I suppose, because I am quite ill and she has just started a new job, and I didn't want to burden either of us, but each time she has either asked, or I asked, to take me back. And she has. And I'm blissfully happy with her.


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## Snowy (Aug 10, 2004)

sounds divine  you must really like her.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Well, that's really the only way we 'do it' over here. 

And yes, I do like her. Lots.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

> Yes, I know it was a mistake. I hope she didn't take me seriously.
> 
> Where did I meet her? Wooo...that's a long long story. Basically, I bullshitted her in a bar, got absolutely drunk, sat on top of a hill looking out over the city, went back to hers, and the rest is history.
> 
> I've tried to 'dump' her twice, selfishly I suppose, because I am quite ill and she has just started a new job, and I didn't want to burden either of us, but each time she has either asked, or I asked, to take me back. And she has. And I'm blissfully happy with her.


Every time I try to leave you alone Martin, you end up saying something like this. So basically, you want a woman who will just let you treat her however you want and still take you back. Is that your ideal woman? How do you jokingly ask her to marry you? Either it really was in a joking manner, and she's a complete idiot, or it wasn't really in a joking manner and you just wanted to know what she would say, and were somewhat playing with her, rather you realized it or not.

I've been in a relationship with someone like you, which is probably why I'm drawn to you. But this anger you have for women is just annoying.

On to the subject at hand. I'm not very big on the idea of marriage either. Everytime I've ever thought about it, it just seems really stifling. I'm the type of person that if I want to get up tomorrow and drive to New York to go shopping, I want to be able to do it. I don't want to have to answer to someone or make plans that have to revolve around someone else. I don't want to make money decisions with someone else. If I get married, we seriously need separate bank accounts. If I want to sit on the computer all day, chainsmoke and watch tv, I want to be able to. I feel like when I get older the idea of kids and a husband will be more appealing, and I plan on having that life one day. But as for right now how I feel about it, I think it would suck.


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## Epiphany (Apr 28, 2006)

My husband asked me early on in our relationship "when we were going to get married"...it was said jokingly and I took it as such.

I think someone would need to be able to understand your sense of humour Martin to be able to spend time in a serious relationship with you...if she didn't it would be doomed from the beginning so I wouldn't worry too much about how she took your comment. If she brings it up again then you'll know.

Enngirl...just curious as to where your comment about Martin's anger for women comes from? Is it from what he posted here or some previous comments because I can't recognise it in anything he has written here?
Relationship's are far more complex and individual than can be properly expressed in a few brief words in a post like this and it sounds as though you are being a little harsh and judgemental about how Martin and his girlfriend relate to one another.

Back on topic though...marriage can be whatever you make it. It can be a life-changing event or just a piece of paper. I have many problems with the expectations that come along with marriage but my husband and I were together for 7 1/2 years before we finally tied the knot, so we knew each other well. It truly is a very individual experience.


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## enngirl5 (Aug 10, 2004)

> Enngirl...just curious as to where your comment about Martin's anger for women comes from? Is it from what he posted here or some previous comments because I can't recognise it in anything he has written here?
> Relationship's are far more complex and individual than can be properly expressed in a few brief words in a post like this and it sounds as though you are being a little harsh and judgemental about how Martin and his girlfriend relate to one another.


It probably comes more from previous posts. I didn't get a chance to read all of Martins recent posts about his new girlfriend so I feel sort of bad about my comments. But overall, I'd say I'm probably not too off target.


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

No EnnGirl5, don't apologise for anything. You are spot on in some respects. Without blowing my trumpet too loudly, when I 'know' that I have, let's say, 'caught' a woman's emotions - perhaps love is too strong a word, I DO know, sometimes unconsciously, sometimes deliberately, manipulate them. Hmm. No, that's too strong a word as well. I kinda 'play' with them...not visciously I assure you. When I asked her to marry me, and please believe me, although it was stupid, I did say it in a joking manner. In fact, I was the loser in that respect, because I was stunned by her response and stuffed a little more brown stuff in my overflowing bag of guilt.

But she's not stupid. Trust me on that. I don't date stupid women. They could have a face like a bulldog licking s**t off a stinging nettle, but as long as they have intelligence, - wit, then I don't give a damn.

I'm curious about your comments regarding my anger towards women. I really don't feel anger against women in general, anymore than I feel anger for men, or anything else. Sure, I despise my ex-wife, but I adore the girl that I am currently with. My anger, my frustration and recklessness is innate, and not specific. Well, not that I know of.


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