# please help---my story



## jon1983uk (Dec 28, 2005)

hi im 22 from london uk...i had an absoltley fantastic life, childhood, teenage years...but in my late teen after ending a fantastic year at uni, i had a panic attack on an aeroplane, this was from consuming too much alcohol and feeling tired, i was out for the count. after returning, i didnt have another panic attack, but things felt differnent, was gettin more aches and pains and convinced myself i was dyeing of something terrible. But now i was 20 aqnd met a beautiful girl, she was mazing ( i have always done well with girls but always not that confident) anyway back to the point....this girl was lovely, but i managed to screw it up and blamed myslef..only lasted 2 months but i was so upset, cried daily blamed myself for it, could go out....this lasted 3 months then i suddenly came out of this depressed feeling a different person....things were differnent, i didnt trust ne 1, and hadnt been out with my firends for ages, i lost alot of confindence...then as the monthswent on i started having panick attacks regularly....then i started having strange thought like we were all made up and i only live inside my head, and know realises that im behind my eyes, ive totally switched off from myself, no feelings, no realises and im so scared..i had derealization, but my depersonalisation is daily.....every day im scare tired, and want to get out of it.......does this sound familiar or am i going mad? or am i schizophrenic or something worse....please help my life is lost and i want to be able to talk freely and live happily...i need help


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## Guest (Dec 29, 2005)

I just joined this site, but i know exactly what you are going through. I have had derealization and depersonalization since i was 14. i am now 20 and i still have it. I do have hope of someday getting better because i know others have experienced this for years and now are free from it.


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## Guest (Jan 6, 2006)

Hello jon
Im not sure how ya spell your name so sorry if I spelled it wrong Im a terrible speller anyways, But I wanted to tell you your not going crazy even if you FEEL like it. your sane! and so am I, even tho I feel spaced out and I feel like I'm all up in my head and the rest of my body is just attached to me, sounds crazy don't it, but I know I'm NOT! so you can feel crazy and be sane! 
Just wanted to reassure you that your allright!!!! and hang in THERE! and keep comming HERE! Rebecca


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## jon1983uk (Dec 28, 2005)

right after i wrote that message i thought FUCK THIS-im not living my life like this no more.....i have now started playing football with my mates, and seeing a specialitst therapist....this has only been a week and i am feeling better....sill have it but loads better can actually feel excitment again....my therapist said it will take a year but he will get me there as he specializes in it, and blames the alcohol and drugs i used to do at uni....i no its gonna be a long hard road but im not comin on this site again as if i read all the stories it makes you think..MY ADVICE, STOP SEARCHIN THE WEB...take upa hobby and see a specialist weekly..i no im knowhere near recovere or my old self, but im startin to feel things like my old self ive never thought i wud before, and im goin to footballl tonight and tomorro and done the gym everyday for two weeks....come on people i know you can do it too.


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## jon1983uk (Dec 28, 2005)

hey, its now been another 10 days since the last reply, things have got alot better, knowhere near 100%. it took me 2 years to get like this and its gonna take as much timer to get out. since my first message when i hadnt socialised for along time, i hadnt been in contact with my best mate onyl a few times last year.....now i see him all the time and bein out with mates is better. i have been doing the gym for nearly a month and trust me this helps. imy body is lookin great and adds convidence. i believe dp is also a confidence within yourself thing. im writing this as i want it to be proof that we can get better. My therapist is a lovely man and explains to me its all about behaviour and that drinkin is a no go because can bring the depression n anxiety on. i have been offered a new job startin in april, but im a stockbroker which is stressful enough as it is. I can now talk to people, but still questions lots of thingd, but instead of bein depressed i look at the improvement, and tell myself it is gettin better. i am about 3% recovered. but am 100% better than i was 3weeks ago if you get what i mean. i know it will be hard but im comitted and i think im going to write here and let you know my progress. idont want to read all the negative stories as it makes yo uthink too much, so try and stay positive. visualisations, and affirmations are very good like sayiong in the mirrow "i love myself" trust me its hard but these things help. will post agin in a few weeks.


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## jon1983uk (Dec 28, 2005)

hi again, just filling in the diary, sine the last time we spoke...i have made good improvement again.... the key is, allowing for dodgy/bad days and not letting them beat you up.. i had probably 3 bad day in the last ten, so instead of dp being there 100% its flickers in and out...instead of being there...to me this is fantastic and is real progress, the self awareness is gradually wearing off...but my therapist is excellent, he is a special person and wise and knows how to reconecct you to yourself. i spend 2hours with him every monday...and he gives me excercises to do in the week to eliminate the bad thought....all he does is guide you and give you the tools. im probably 5% better now, maybe even 10%...but the key is to not run before i can walk, and there keep doing my daily task. one is to relax in a chair breath in out thru my nose, feel it come up my nose and hear it come oout, until i feel m,y breathing slow down....this then tells your mind you r relaxed, then say , " i am feeling calm and relaxed, completely calm, completely relaxed... and i want to feel more confident in myslef, and things are getting better and better, as i stay calm and relaxed" say it slowly, instead of saying confident, mix it up say i want to feel free from embarasment or guilt, or i want to love and approve of myself. do this 5 times in 3 sessions a day. each time leaving 3 min gap befor you say the next affirmation. always say wot you want , not wat you dont want, i.e i want to be free from guilt... not i dont want to feel guilty, as the subconscious mind only understands positives. keep doing this, and after each session, which is norally 15 mins you keep relaxed for, you will feel refreshed... then as soon as the bad thought cum in to your head, go and do this excercise, its very good.!!! there we go, i have learnt so much already, and its only been a month, my therapist sed it will take a year to get back to hundred percent....remember dont dwell on the bad days. think positive. i know its fucking hard cos i can still get down...but im determined to be me again. take care love you all. p.s if theres any sexy girls from in or around london on here wanna chat. come on message me. i now realise im pretty good looking as well. he he. xx


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## jon1983uk (Dec 28, 2005)

hey just quickie, things progressing, ive gone from severe depression to moderate, calculated by my therapist. which is very good, last week i had 4 bad days, and 10 good days, but its a long road and not kiddin myself that i will get better in a few weeks....things r good, stayed away from drink and drugs so feel physic ally better and mentally, and also doing the gym still. i wont be on here for a month cos i want to concentrate on working now, i suggest to everyone, find a good therapist, or get yourself to a psyciatric ward cos thee thoughts u r having arent right and people r there to help.


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## Methusala (Dec 22, 2005)

Thanks for the informative updates.

M


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## jon1983uk (Dec 28, 2005)

no probs mate...having a good weekend, got a date lined up with some sexy girl... things r getting better. but i am not stupid and know im nothin near 100per cent..but im getting better n better.


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## jon1983uk (Dec 28, 2005)

well hello all im back. n guess wot, i had that date, had wicked time, my life felt gr8........suddenly e boyfriend turned up bashing down the door. wnted a fight, wanted to get people after me....n guess wot.. i broke down. havent been the same since. trust gone. i think i exist in my head. i have nightmares. i think nothing is real. i am tryin to read peoples minds...i cant look into anyones eyes, for fear of bein attacked. i hate this life. i want to die. but im good lookin..but cant handle bein me. am igoin nut??

SEEIN A PHSYCIATRIST soon, apparently one of the best. i hope i get better. i have no love for nothing

sorry people, i really thought i'd be one of th eones who's making recovery. i feel there is no hope for me


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