# Woke up back in reality.



## drose (Dec 31, 2011)

I've been feeling the reality come back, but was left with some slight fuzziness of reality for both the world and myself. I woke up at about eight just enough to roll into a more comfortable postion(went to sleep really late last night), when I heard the noise of my sister's apartment, where I spent the night last night. I heard my sister get up and go to the bathroom. I heard the fridge, the heater came on and went off. My eyes were closed, and yet I didn't need to see to know what was going on. It was pretty overwhelming and I felt a slight panic attack. I layed there, anxious, but not withdrawing from the discomfort. Doubts ran through my head. I wanted to call my counselor or anyone so I wouldn't have to deal with this feeling on my own. I didn't know if I could handle it. All this time, I was also trying to go back to sleep. Eventually, I decided that I would actually wake up and take advantage of the feeling, so I just got up. Most of the day has been good - just a few moments of panic now and then, but they don't last more than a few seconds. I was in the moment more than in memories or in my head! I remembered things (short term memory, sense of time has been off for awhile), but I wasn't completely lost in certain memories (some memories would replay very vividly in my head for the past few months, not sure if that was DP/DR or what).

In any case, this hasn't been a sudden process. It's been very gradual. I've noticed improvement every day for the past two months or so, but things weren't quite right still. There have been moments where I could feel reality; seconds, minutes where the clouds looked more real, where a crowded bar suddenly burst into reality, where a street felt familiar because it was familiar. But today? I walked outside and I could hear and feel everything. Not in an oppressive and distracting way. It just existed smoothly, like it was supposed to. I could hear kids playing and cars in the distance. Ah! There is no way to explain it fully, maybe like there is no way to fully explain the derealization or depersonalization. It's been pretty much all day. Once or twice I've had seconds of the DR/DP try to creep in at the edges, but it was really only a few times and other than that, this has been the first day where I've felt reality more than unreality.

I don't know how to describe it. haha! I'm happy. Still new. I feel like I'll probably need to work on things, learn my lessons, and take care of myself. I don't know what else to say. I haven't even posted much on here, but I was always so relieved to hear people's stories about feeling reality again. I hope I can hear stories. I feel like the chance for conversation here really helps and I hope to hear from everyone about their stories, where they are. Thank you for being here!


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## Grahame (Dec 7, 2011)

I have had brief, tantalising moments like this too. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I find my senses all seem to enhanced. I hear every sound, I notice every ray of light. Everything is vivid and somewhat magical. But then within a few minutes the sensory dullness and the mental fog returns and I'm back to living a million miles away in cuckoo land lol!

I see these brief moments as hope though! It is proof that my brain is capable of working correctly and that my senses are still intact, and it enhances my belief that I simply 'remember' to have DP. I'm pretty sure if I had complete amnesia somehow my DP would go away lol


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## beingnormal! (Apr 19, 2012)

i have had depersonalization disorder for 2 years. it has been constant everyday 24/7. i think about it from the moment i wake up to the moment i fall asleep. but im taking the steps to starting fresh. you don't know how encouraging it is to read those words. people who don't have dp dont understand what its like to not really "experience" the world. and you don't appreciate hearing every voice, seeing every ray of light, recognizing familiar streets until that seemingly normal aspect of life is gone. people without this disorder just don't know how precious that really is. your post made me very hopeful of the day i will "wake up" from this


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## MIndfAEL (Mar 13, 2012)

congratz.vhow long did u have dp and wat did u do to recover?


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## drose (Dec 31, 2011)

Wow. Reading this again, I remember that day and that feeling of waking up in the whole world again. That was pretty great. It didn't last forever, unfortunately, but I kept getting generally better every day. Now I definitely don't have the extreme feeling of the world being dreamy and people seeming very distant and strange (to put it mildly), and I haven't had that feeling for awhile. Although it just occurred to me that I don't know exactly when all those feelings disappeared. It seemed to just gradually improve. I noticed I was improving, but didn't notice an exact moment when those terrible sensations left. When I was getting better every day, I was doing a lot of emotional work. As the worst symptoms faded, I kind of slacked off for a few months, but I recently started working on this again, signed up for counseling and have just been paying attention to getting better again, and I've already noticed a difference.

Life can come back! Whether it's a sudden moment of clarity that sticks, or a gradual progress that you don't even notice, DP and DR can fade and disappear. There were some dark, months long moments where I never could have imagined feeling this way. Glad to be here and keep working to get all the way better.

And I totally agree with amnesia being the cure for DP. haha!


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