# A Night with Weed. (15 Year Old's story)



## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

*Hi, my name is Meghan and I am 15 years old. Here is my story.*

My ex-boyfriend had recently gotten me into smoking weed, and before I knew it,, I had already been smoking for about 3 weeks. He was over one time, and my brother asked us if we wanted to smoke with him (unlaced). His friend rolled a blunt and we went outside, and my mom was out at the post office, so I knew she'd be home soon. Since I got caught drinking, I knew if I got caught for this I'd be in deep trouble, so I started to worry. My brother and boyfriend also said this was the first time I had ever smoked "high grade" weed. Once we were done smoking, I went inside, and sat on the couch, and that is when it all began. I felt a feeling that could compare to no other. My head felt extremely light, I could feel my heartbeat going as fast as a car, I felt a huge disconnection from myself and the world around me. I didn't know where I was, even though I was in my own home, and I was struck with a massive amount of deja vu. I looked up and saw a white light, and when I looked down I saw fire, a voice asked me if I wanted to live. I immediately broke down crying. My ex-boyfriend told me to calm down but I couldn't, my whole body was numb, and I was shaking. I kept telling him that I thought I was posessed and that I was dying and he assured me that I wasn't. We went to lay down in my bed, I tried to sleep but everytime I closed my eyes I kept seeing weird images. I soon felt my throat closing and honestly thought it was the point where I was going to actually die. My throat problem went away after I drank something, and I finally fell asleep. In the morning, it didn't go away. Of course it wasn't as bad, but I didn't know what was going on. I felt like I was wandering in a dream, like I couldn't control my actions, and like my personality flew out the window. My own face looked so foreign in the mirror, my body felt like it was attached on strings and I wasn't the one controlling the strings. Whenever I talked I didn't recognize my voice, and it felt like I was outside of my body. It's been a little over a month now, and it is still here, but has made major improvements. DP/DR has definitley changed my life. Sometimes I worry if I will ever be back to normal. It's just funny how one event you do can bring out something you never would have expected. I'm also amazed at how strong your mind really is. I know I am still here somehow, but just need something to wake me up, to bring me completely back. The funny thing is that I seem to function fine, but it's such an internal thing, that noone else would ever notice or understand. It's also extremely good to know that everyone here is going through the same things, even if it isn't caused the same way, and that none of us are truly alone on this issue.


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## tyler1993 (Nov 8, 2007)

lol im 15 and im cannabis enduced aswell ><, ive had it for about 6 months now, and it is actually gotten really better, almost gone id say, the best you can do is stay social, dont isolate your self, and read copeful's guide to recovery i wish you much luck man, or girl ;P


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I'm a girl haha. 

And thank you!


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## ApostasyKH (Jan 26, 2008)

Same here. 16, drug induced *sigh*

My story is slightly different from yours though. My trip was good (3 bowls of really high-grade shit; awesome night), but my problem started the next morning. I guess I should go back to the begining of all of this...

First Saturday of Christmas Break. Just got back to my friends house from a Pink Floyd laser show, and we wanted to smoke (understand I was realatively new to weed, but was well versed in Salvia), so we crept out back as his mom slept and lit up. The night was awesome, we went in, ate, dicked around, and I fell asleep happy and ready to face the morning.

Then I woke up.

I was still baked out of my fucking mind (lit at 2:30 am, went to bed at 5:30, woke up at 12:30) and I wasnt liking it. It's fun and all when you WANT to be ripped, but when you're whole-heartedly ready to return to reality and you cant, then it gets scary. What was worse was I had to spend the rest of my day with my family, so I had a hell of a time disguising the fact that I could barely zip my coat, etc.

Anyway later that night I was at my dads watching a movie with everyone when I suddenlly had a SEVERE (and first) episode of DP/DR. I suddenly had felt that nothing was real anymore and it was all a dream [probably shouldnt of watched Waking Life the night before ],etcetc. Needless to say I was practically shitting myself thinking that I was going fucking NUTS. Went to bed early (7:30 pm), tried to sleep and my mind would not settle. My thoughts raced and raced and I managed to fall asleep kinda, but then I woke up, sweating and panting, thinking that was it, I was fucked for life. Then a constant state of worry took in when I finally recovered from that, and thus the evil cycle was born. I'd worry and obsess over what happened that night and I was convinced I was going insane, and this worry would bring on another episode. It was awful, but after a week it managed to go away.

Fastforward to mid January. Im sitting in my basement when I get another sudden attack of "Oh shit, am I real? Im just going to wake up any second." etc. I flipped. That started my cycle all over again, and here I am posting. I talked to my mom about it, thinking the original attack was caused by guilt (You gotta understand, I'm a pretty upstanding kid with a good relationship with my parents. I had an extreme intrest in psychadellics, but at the same time I felt bad about doing stuff, even though I had convinced myself I didnt). Anyway told her everything, and I felt better, but the attacks kept coming. Thats when I figured that the first attack started me on the anxiety circuit, and I'm still dealing with it. I've managed to somewhat control it, and I have a bigger grasp on reality, but there are still moments when I totally disconnect and I just want to fucking shoot myself. I'm still working on it though, and hopefully I manage to clear it up on my own.


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## Jcar (Apr 14, 2008)

Chin up!

The same exact thing happened to me.

It lasted for a year or so, and then slowly went away.

Just whatever you do:

DO NOT TOUCH WEED AGAIN!

It can make it worse or bring it back.

It's sometimes hard to get rid of if you've had episodes all your life, not drug related, but from what I've heard, many people who get it from weed will have it wear off eventually, from 6 months to 2 years or so.


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## hautboiss (Apr 15, 2008)

you guys are lucky. I'm 15, never had week/drink/w/e. yet i get dp. what luck. it won't go away, either.


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## Suzanne (Apr 16, 2008)

Wow! I am going to be 24 this Friday, but mine started when I was 15 also! I was smoking weed and drinking for about 8 months. I finally ended up quitting both on June 10th, 1999 (am still fully sober to this day). Almost one month later, July 4th, I had my first panic attack. The panic attacks were followed by Depersonalization and I've had them both ever since. There was a month in between the weed/drinking and my first "episode", but I can't help but think that it is all related. I was not a stressed teenager, never abused, no traumas in my life, etc.. there is no other explanation for my sudden onset. It's amazing how the age of 15 seems to be a common age though.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Jcar thank you, that is extremely comforting to me and makes me have confidence that I will overcome it =)<3


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## april5555 (May 7, 2008)

Hey I have had the same thing happen to me. I was 16 when i smoked for the first time, havent been the same since and I am 21 now. I think now I have learned to deal with it. It is there every single day. Some days I try adn ignore it and pretend I am okay and then other days i break down crying bc I am so upset that I have to deal with this. I have a 1 year old littler boy and sometimes i look at him and it all seems so unreal and it makes me sad because I feel like I cant enjoy him like I should be because its so unreal.

I seriously cried when I found this site THANK GOD you all can relate


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## trq (May 12, 2008)

HEY! My name's Kat, i'm 15 too and a similar thing happened to me! I have anxiety and so my doctor put me on Paxil ... one night at my friends house I drank and had one hit from her pipe. After that, I was stuck in the most horrific dream like state for over a week. Then it slowly went away and I returned to my normal routine. That was about three weeks ago. Just two days ago i've been getting bursts of that feeling back on and off, and i'm so scared I have this disorder! I'm not on any medication any more because it made my anxiety worse. The only thing now a days I actually have anxiety over is the dreamlike feeling! Its terrifying! It's like, why can't i just wake up, i will do anything just to have myself wake up! I've never been so scared in my entire life. Do you know if it will ever go away? Could it be that a bit of THC from the weed is still in my system... and I don't have this disorder?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

You probably have the same as me unfortuanately, that is... if it hasn't settled since you have done it. =/


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## georgeisit (Oct 29, 2008)

hello all of u! im an 18 yr old teenager and i also have dp mainly from cannabis.

i want to tell how i got DP and how i see it as an effect on myself but firstly i have to tell u a bit of my story so im apologizing for my big post!

since my 15 yrs old i was thinking about cannabis and wanted to try it untill my 18 yrs old when i passed the exams and got in to a university and met 2 friends(september of 2007)! the 3rd time i smoked i had a panic attack-bad trip feeling like i was going to die or just be crazy from then on! i was keep telling to my friend then the exact words "oh shit! im gonna stuck with IT(feeling like in DP) for the rest of my life!!!". then i thought that if i sleep ill be ok and so it happened!! i slept for about half an hour and everything went back to normal. from then on i kept smoking with nothing bad, always having fun, laughing and generally feeling ok untill the previous february!! i smoked and little bit more for my standards and i had a huge panic attack! the next morning i went to attend a lesson at my uni and everything felt strange! ..like i didnt wake up so well so i washed my face afterwards, drunk a coffee but.. NOTHING!

from then on i am living in this dream! everything feels extremely strange, i often feel im not me like im just an observer and cant feel and enjoy everything at 100% except from some particular moments(very few). i thought i was all alone in this strange world! i was discussing about it with a lot of friends! then at about the previous april i found about "ego death" and "bad trips" on the net! i thought that was it! but it felt really stronger! at last.. the previous september(2008) one of my friends who knew about my situation told me about a movie "NUMB" so i watched. it was EXACTLY what i felt all this time! then from wiki i found about DP and red all about it and then this site!

i have read soooo much about it and so many other stories and of course have talked and searched a lot about it that im not such worried any more! my opinion about what DP is and if it can go away are the following:

_ DP is just a state of mind that our minds create to let us face all of our worries, taboo and stuff and let us change whatever we dont want any more on ourselves! actually DP is just *a way of ourselves of PROTESTING and ALARMING* us to care about ourselves!! its not a disease or anything! its just a way of making us aware of our "bad" psychology and all the emotional abuse! its like fever! 
_
i would also like to say that cannabis is just the *KEY* to let us face our self from a different angle and unlock the gate from concious to sub-concious so that we can change and make our self better cause we need it! so if anyone who has DP still smokes it wont necessarily do any harm to him/her! its the way YOU see it and if u let take u with it! i actually still smoke it very often i could say and its not like im getting worse!!! NO! it also helped me once very much! ... it was this time before about 2 weeks when i had some with my friends and we went for a walk! then we sat near a river and then i found myself ADMIRING and FEELING everything like the wind on my body, listening to every sound, dancing, laughing and generally feeling great! i was feeling and enjoying everything almost at 90%!! so i thought: "look at me! i have DP but even though im feeling and enjoying everything!!!" that means that of course DP can GO AWAY!! the only things u have to do is take care of ourself like eating and having a nice-healthy life and start working on u!! start answering all the questions to urself about u and let urself get better!! of course weed isnt the better choice cause it may remind u these bad trips and stuff but when u feel kind of ok again u can still do it!!

in conclusion, if u ask urself after reading this post if im ok now, the answer is no! im still in DP but i am so much more positive thinking and most of it is already gone! just in few months!! so u cant really say that DP goes away in a certain amount of time, but when u start helping urself!! dont be afraid to give u some answers and observe urself more! everything is the same! u live in the same world! ur house is the same and ur friends are also the same! the only thing that is changed is *only ur view of everything around u! think it as something good and not necessarily bad thing!!!*

BEST wishes for EVERYONE.. im george!

P.S.: im sorry for my english and my way of writing! im from greece and im not that used to using english!!

-DP is not like a scar!! It's like a third hand! YOU have to USE it! YOU have to ACCEPT it!!-


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Thank you for your beautiful post and words George  
On a really depressing, bad day I read that and it made me feel confident and that everything is going to be okay! Also thanks for sharing your story with us


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## georgeisit (Oct 29, 2008)

im really happy to help now that i feel much better cause i also think all of us can and especially we _*WILL *_feel like we used too!! its not that difficult!! we just have to try!!


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Since reading the post it inspired me....I started today by eating well and taking my vitamins that I need to take daily. I'm taking St.John's Wart, Fish Oil and a multi-vitamin daily from now on :]


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## Lesego (Nov 13, 2008)

Hi guys
Some of your stories I can really relate with.

Early this year June during the holidays, almost everyone where I stayed (I'm a varsity student) had gone home and I was so bored. I went out amd baught a blut and smoked it by myself for the first time (cause usaully i'd smoke it with the guys at my place) and went I back to my place to watch some comedy skits because i'd always find that stuff 200% funnier when i'm high.  . But Ohh no I had the worst trip in my whole life. It felt like there was this big dark presence coming towards/around me while I was watching these skits, within 45 seconds of watching them I felt so overwhelmed, I switched the show off (In a hurry) and went outside to have a breather. It had felt as if I was hearing 'things' talking to me though the show(How crazy is that)? even though I had watched that particular skit about 4 times and nothin even close to that ever happened.

And a series of other things happened to me that night which are toooo long to go into. And nomatter how hard I tried to go to sleep there was like a 'voice' in my head saying "you are not going to wake up the same tomorrow" or "everything is going to change tonight while you sleep(Like judgement day is upon you)"
And I really couldn't go to sleep.

And I remember at this one point I started speaking out loud with this 'voice', and I was just screaming "OK! Fine! whatever! Just leave me alone" repeatedly for a long time and this 'voice' wouldn't shut up.
And when I looked in the mirror that day, that guy looking back was not me, he looked alien to me, like someone i'd just met

meghan28 do you think all you experienced that night was just in your mind?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Lesego, I can't particularly say I'm sure, because I don't know. I remember waking up the next morning and asking my brother and my (ex) boyfriend "do you still feel high?" and they clearly stated that they didn't... I thought I was losing my mind, I searched up everything on google, until it led to paranoia which somehow led me to this site. Reading everyones' symptoms was like a god-send for me, I actually felt safe in a sense. Somehow this possibly CAN be in my mind because it was traumatizing and I still haven't let go of it, but when I keep my mind off of it, it's still there. Part of the struggle with this is me asking myself if it is all just in my head, but when we all come to our senses, it's in ALL of our heads, because when we are distracted and live our lives how we used to, that is when this sensation goes away, slowly, but surely.


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## DaZeDaNdCoNfUsEd (Oct 14, 2008)

Crazy story, my dp started post drug use, (ecstasy, Marijuana) over time it was just ciggarettes which ended up leading to my anxiety, rapid heart and always feeling something out of place, over a long period of time i realized that nothing was getting better. alot of things keep changing. but one thin is for sure i will never give up on pursuing normality.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Don't ever give up DazedandConfused... if you got into it, there has to be a way out! We are all in this together and we will all help eachother get out of it... keep your head up  It will be okay!


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## georgeisit (Oct 29, 2008)

thats right meghan!!! thats the spirit he need to have!! and just to infomr u i kinda forced myself to smoke some weed again and now im enjoyng it again at almost 100%!! when a little amount of _paranoia or negative thoughts or anxiety or something leading to panic attacks _ grow in me i just ignore it and trying to take the positive and all the fun og it!! *don't worry cause every little thing it's gonna be alright*!! and dont make that face *it IS* just a little thing!! WE make it that big of a deal!! try to absorb only the goods from it!! peace..


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## georgeisit (Oct 29, 2008)

***..spirits *WE* need to have..*** instead of "he"!


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

George your post made me smile !! =D 
Please post again soon!!!

Thank you everyone who is posting your stories/comments on here! If you have any questions feel free to message me.

DP is not going to harm us! Think of how nice it's going to be once it goes away! Distraction distraction distraction! Don't think about it all the time, it's wearing you and your brain out!


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## Socrates_macabre (Sep 22, 2008)

Wow, so many more young people on here than I knew. Pretty sure I'm still the youngest though lol. 13 years old, had dp for a year and a half (officially). Not drug induced, just cicumstances were unfortunate. Unfortunately most of the young people on here are probably inactive, hopefully because they're better. In my observation drug induced DP is much more mnageable and goes away faster than non drug induced.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Keep your head up Socrates... it stinks to have DP come into your life and not know why... it sucks even more being young, I bet you can understand this just as well as others can..including myself haha. I feel like teenage years are the most fun and in a sense the most important... because you relate a lot of things back to high-school. I want to look back at it as though I had fun and did what I wanted to rather than letting this anxiety mess with me to the point where I didn't do anything but sit around. Do you know how your DP came at all? Any clue? (I'm really curious :O )


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## DaZeDaNdCoNfUsEd (Oct 14, 2008)

I'm here for you chica, if you ever need anything or someone to talk to let me know 

Jesse


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

DaZeDaNdCoNfUsEd said:


> I'm here for you chica, if you ever need anything or someone to talk to let me know
> 
> Jesse


Really appreciate it, same goes to you! =)


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## Socrates_macabre (Sep 22, 2008)

meghan28 said:


> Do you know how your DP came at all? Any clue? (I'm really curious :O )


Well, I have a few posts of mine basically explaining, they're fairly long but here are the links:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=16893

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=16683

viewtopic.php?f=27&t=16660

I understand if you dont feel like reading that much.


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## Socrates_macabre (Sep 22, 2008)

Also for everyone looking on here, theres a chat room for DP. Not really a whole psychological thing, but just a thing to keep us social withe achother (which I think we need). Here it is:

http://www.chatzy.com/479647194637


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I'm sorry about your past =/ sounds like you've been through a lot. Everything will get better! We're all here to help one another =D


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## Socrates_macabre (Sep 22, 2008)

He he thanks. 
Everyones got a past, and the majority of them are bad in some way or another.
Being through a lot has helped me become who I am, made me stronger.
Anyways, thanks for the interest/support


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Of course...if you need anything or someone to talk to give me a yell


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## WeCanDoThis (Dec 14, 2008)

Hi meghan =)
I'm 15 aswell, my DP is pot enduced as well, and reading through your story gave me tons of flashbacks on my own experience.
I have my story posted as well, you can probably see that it's pretty similar at some points.
Anyway, thanks for sharing, it's always good to be able to relate with people. 
It's comforting =P
I've had my DP for a year now, and there are some bad times, but all in all it does get easier to deal with.
Good luck =)
David


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Thanks David, for reading my story and posting. A lot of people are in the same ditch as us, which makes me feel really good in a sense, even though this experience isn't too fun...I've had DP for a year as of December 9th...kinda upsetting, but I really hope it will subside soon.


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## BrerRyan (Dec 3, 2008)

MEGHAN! WELCOME TO THE CLUB! LUCKY YOU! 

Maybe that was a little uncalled for, but its better than being sad and scared about this, its not a big deal really though! Same story like you, pot triggered this state in me too! its funny, i tried salvia once, and it didnt scare me at all, but the marijuana was the one that gave me a panic attack :/. Your story is intense though, maybe the marijuana triggered a salvia flashback or something, hallucinations on weed are pretty rare. who knows thats not the matter at hand.
My cousin had this, and a few of my friends. like someone on here has posted, weed induced DP/DR generally last about 6 months to two years. It has been about two months for me and i think im quite well honestly. It gets better. i remember how horrible it was at first, now its the last thing on my mind. Generally, everyone on here has the right idea about healing the brain, i wont tell you tips you already know, just dont worry, everything will be ok, there will be a time in the future and you will look back and realize what hell you were in and from then on you will want to just better yourself. You will grow in a unimaginable way from this, i know for sure i have.
Merry Christmas.


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

LSD/LSA-induced right before I turned 19. Drugs are a bad way to get this condition (not that any way isn't a bad way to get this), probably because it makes you feel like you fuked up somewhere along the line. Do you guys stay clean now that you're DP'd?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I've been clean since it happened...I'm not screwing around with that crap anymore. Thank you all for sharing your stories here and just telling me advice/info....I'm having a really bad DP day and coming here makes me feel better, so thank you all so much. Hope your holidays were great.


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## Guamboy (Jan 8, 2009)

Meghan,

It great to know that we are all helping each other here. I got DP and DR 13 years ago, also from weed. Then it escalated to Anxiety and Depression and Chronic Fatigue. I had it for that long because I actually gave up, until two years ago. I am now 90% cured, but it was a long hard battle for me. I am such a positive person now not like before. This change me alot. I used to be a negative one and now I'm so positive and I am enjoying me life and live normally now.

In order to fight this battle, I had to create my own weapons. I didn't use any drugs for this cure. There is so many techiniques that I used too many to mention here. I say weapons, because i had this for a very long time and I looked at it like a battle that I must win. I am winning this war. Last week I was driving home from work and I cried so much becuase I thought I would have this forever, Till i began to realize that I was winning this battle. I know that guys should not cry, but it was like tears of joy for me. As I was driving i began to remember all the broken relationships I had in the past and I can now think of it and no regrets anymore. I went through all this for a reason. before two years ago I could not even get a job because I had chronic fatigue sydrome, but when my daughter was born, I just forced myself becuase I had to feed my little girl. She was like an angel that came into my life. My life has changed dramatically because of DP and DR. When I came home and my three year old daughter saw me, she told me "don't cry" and she gave me a hug and started patting me on the back like I used to do when she was just a little baby. I'm sorry im so emotional right now. It's just that I'm a single father and I raised my daugter since she was born. At least now I know she will be ok and that I can live a good life with her, she is such a positive little girl.

I hope these words will comfort some of you here. If you want to win this battle you must never give up. Plan your actions but be patient at the same time. The turtle always wins in the end.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Guamboy, 
it's okay to cry :] Holding back your tears isn't good for you! I'm glad to hear you're doing much better now, congratulations! The statement about your daughter patting you on the back is so cute...once again I'm really happy for you, and I give you a lot of credit for not giving up. DP/DR is a really tough battle, and it can be won, but as you said you need patience, it won't be a quick fix.


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

This is exactly what happened to me. Except it was the first/second (and last) time I had ever smoked weed. It was so frickin wierd. Me and my friend were going to buy some weed from one of his friends. We sat down for a bit while he got us a bag ready, but there was a bong on the table. So we lit up the bong to smoke some high quality weed he had called white widow. He said it was really good stuff, I took one hit and coughed a lot. Second hit was quite a bit bigger and I coughed until I thought I was going to pass out. Then I don't remember anything for a while, until I asked my friend to go to the bathroom when I started feeling derealized. Holy shit was it wierd. My heart was going amazingly fast I was walking in a complete dream everything looked really weird and got me kinda dizzy. I was switching between reality and dream every couple seconds. I thought I was going to die, me and my friend went back to my house having our other friends drive because I really couldn't. I slept and it got a little better but I still felt really weird and detached from myself. After a couple of days I was feeling a lot better. But just a couple weeks after this I got really depressed, I also have bad anxiety and it started again. Of course not as bad as when I was high but pretty bad. I'm living my life normally ignoring and accepting it, although sometimes it is very hard I am getting through day by day.

Thank you for sharing your story and good luck.


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

Also meghan did yours start a while after you smoked because I know when I smoked I had it for about two days then it went away and about two weeks or so later it came back??? How is the recovery going on your end?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Savage,
thank you for posting your story. Recovery on my end is...very gradual. I don't notice too much changing/getting better but it has gotten SO much better than when I first had it. I think all of this is because I understand what's going on and I fear it a lot less. Thinking back to when I was heavily feeling the DP/DR, I was constantly thinking about, what's wrong with me, why does my voice sound weird, am I going to go crazy, etc. Now I have an understanding it's the body's defense mechanism which puts me more...at ease. But still, I'm having trouble properly trying to change my thought process to forget it completely so it's hard. I also have my good days and bad days like anyone else... I'm hoping it will get better with time...but how about you? Has your anxiety gotten better from when your "trip" first happened?


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

yea my anxiety has gotten a lot better mostly because I'm accepting dp as something that I can't change right now but I know this will eventually change and I will feel better it's become something not that difficult to deal with just I don't want to have to deal with it I really don't think anybody should anyway thanx good luck and keep me posted


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Nice post...it's very true. I'm trying to accept it as well, but it does get hard sometimes. I find when I stress out a lot I strictly blame it on my DP...and the fact that I feel tired a lot/blurred concentration, etc is not fun. Are there steps for marijuana induced, or is it the same routine (exercising, distraction, eating right, etc) to make it fade faster? I've heard accounts where people have literally done nothing and yet it still faded away.


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

hey megan hope you've been doin good I've had a couple of tough days in a row but today I feel a bit better anyway I am not sure if there are steps to making it fade faster I'll do some research hope your recovery Is still on track although I know setbacks do hurt but stay on track on youll get there.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Thanks savage, you too! How is everything going for you?


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

The last couple weeks i've been getting a lot better although lately it feels like i've plateaued and can't fully get there, it is fading with each day though and is getting easier. Thanx


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Of course...and yes I've been zoning kind of in and out lately...I'm just trying to distract myself and calm myself down as much as possible. I found out things that start to make me feel horrible, or get worked up over so I'm trying to stay away from it and it's helping. I just hate where I live and want to move...people are so rude... It sucks when you're a nice person and people just walk all over you like it's nothing.


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## thezwallrus (Feb 9, 2009)

hi everyone, my name's john

a week ago today (technically yesterday) is when my story began. and WHAT a way to start off february, i'll tell you. this feeling, man, it's like a mix of bi-polar meets supreme anxiety meets smoked-yourself-retarded. and it's awful. i'm 19 and in my second semester of school. so, my friend has this HUGE 3 foot long bong of death that I was being coerced into smoking out of. Now, I must admit, I had had a day-long battle with depersonalization once before, but it seemed to be kinda like a withdrawal... like a hangover, so I decided heck why not. I'm not drunk, might as well blaze. I took a hit from the massive machine of smoke, and BAM. it was like three seconds after the hit, and I was like... okay whoever I checked in, I don't know who you are, but I'm going to go check you out and go to sleep. IMMEDIATELY.

and I had plans, too, I was gonna chill with Penny for a while back at my room and whatever, but I was like nope. Life isn't affecting me right now, I have no motivation to live, no reason to do anything. I was too busy wondering what life was.

The next morning is just as bad. I'm rooming with my best friend, and I'm feeling like this, while my friend gets high like it's his job and just says he's on the moon and feels great.

And as if that wasn't weird enough, I'm in a philosophy class with a million strange theories being thrown at me. my number one mental issue is time. It's so hard for me to understand time when I feel this way. So then I go to Philosophy class, and I'm being pitched things like the Vedic belief that the Universe was a oneness that breathed a breathless breath, and that the one sound that it spoke was the universe, and I'm like WHAT?! so I'm sitting in class wondering if I'm just a sound. It was crazy. Then I have to go home and read Descartes' Meditations, which is basically his theory that he should stop thinking that all that we perceive is real and think that it is the crafty illusion of some higher being, and that we are just a dream that may be awakened at any moment. And then I'm freaking out, because that's exactly how I feel.

My highs have felt like this ever since I tried LSD, and now it's crept into my normal life.
I hope everyone out there is having a better day than I.


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## Ty010 (Feb 10, 2009)

It's been a month that I've had DP/DR effects, and it started with marajuana also.

And the night I got the DP/DR effects, I had high anxiety. Me and my friends basically got high, and knocked on some guy's door, went to taco bell, and he caught us there. He was very pissed. And I thought he was capable of killing us. (me and my friends) We lost him, BUT the fact that I felt alot of anxiety during my high may have triggered DP/DR, I think?

So maybe the fact that your mom would be back soon, brought you light anxiety, but anxiety none the less. Maybe anxiety is a key factor to DP/DR when it is drug related?


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

ty and walrus hang in there you'll get better. Im starting to feel a lot better and its only been about 4 months. Keep a postitive mind and know that it cant hurt you so dont be scared just do what you do.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Ty and Walrus thank you for sharing your stories. I'm really glad people can come in here and just tell of their experiences and put it out on the table...yes, I really DO believe having anxiety while experimenting with drugs does have a deep DP/DR affect...I was thinking maybe the anxiety changes the chemicals in your brain, so that when you smoke marijuana (or do any other drug) it changes the chemicals more to make them freak out, causing a DP/DR affect which then causes trauma...It may not be true but I'm just thinking aloud, because I know that some sort of trauma is a key part to DP/DR. 

Hang in there everyone, we're all going to get through this. =) 
Let's try and look at the positives, we have eachother!


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## rufus1221 (Feb 28, 2009)

oh my word i done exatley the same thing

skunk it was

since november i have had dp/ dr

it is alot better know still there

does anyone vision go really werid like static on a tv

i also get the sense of i am not in control of my body slot :shock:


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I've heard of the static, but that's the only thing I don't get...but the not being in control of my body thing I feel almost all of the time. My DP/DR has been so much better though...it's been a year and it's verrrrrry slllooowwwlllyyy improving. But hey, any improvement is good for me!


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## Caleb_CRD (Feb 28, 2009)

Well i read your story Meghan..All i can say is "That Stupid Bitch Maryjane is also the one who indroduced me to Dp!" Im 17 years old and have had this for 6 months now...I thought your teen years were to be the greates years of your life?..Apparently not in my case..I often wonder why they dont use Dp as a deterent to marijuana use instead of this bad grades, poor decision bs..

Anyways i have had a history of GAD and OCD ever since i was just little..Maybe Parents Divorcing had something to do with it...Well getting to the point..I started smoking Marijuana heavily last year around this time..I had smoked in 7th 8th and 9th on and off but never to the point of being a true stoner..

Well It all started after a few months of heavy smoking..I was just chilling at a friends when someone pulled out a sack..I thought "Cool ima get blazed today!"
Little did i know it was going to be much more than that as this was my first time having true Grade A Chronic! Everything was all good..Smoked about 5 or 6 bowls and just chilled..Well about 5 minutes later i get this really disturbing feeling in my body..It felt like waves of electricity passing thru my limbs, scalp, and chest..I felt like i was on acid or something..Everything was completley UNREAL! I seriously thought i was in a dream but remembered i was at chrises house and yes i did smoke that weed! Well i ended up calling the ambulence and looking like a complete jackass in front of all my friends.

Everything was fine the next day..Went to school and returned to my normal routine..I was actullay sober for about a month after..I shoulda kept away from weed completley but when the offer came up again i took it like a little retard..Had i learned my lesson? Apparently not..I smoked some fire and lemme tell you that knocked me off my rocker! I was completly stoned out of my mind and that all too familiar feeling came over me again..Those waves of electricity passing thru my body..The total Unreality of Reality! I just rode it out and tried to distract myself..The only thing that kept me from totally loosing it was the outcome of my previous trip..Anyways i ended up calling my mom to come and get me..SHe knew i was stoned so ontop of all my other problems i was also busted..I just took a nap and woke up a few hours later and was completley back to normal..

I told myself that this was going to be the end..I stuck to my word for the rest of 10th grade..that is up until summer..

This was only the beginning of my problems..I became a heavy smoker again..Throughout the whole summer i was smoking Grade A shit and not having a single episode..I finally had control of myself while stoned and lemme tell you that was the greatest summer i ever had..Totally baked out of my mind constantly..Well that is until The final week of August..

That was a pretty stressful week for me..I hadnt smoked in about 2 weeks and i missed my dad and to top it all off school was just around the corner..I decided to go chill at a friends house to get stoned and "take the edge off"...So i go over and we hit the pipe..It was just what i needed..Few hours later the high wore off and i was dissappointed..

Few hours later we get called into the bedroom..We were so happy at the sight! A beautiful 1/8th of The dank was sitting there on the endtable..This was some REALLY good shit..I cant stress enough how good this stuff was..I knew what to expect also as i had smoked this same stuff before..Well anyways we loaded the bubbler and they let me have a whole bowl to myself..I was truly dissappointed because i felt like i wasnt even buzzed.. So i sit there and let everybody else have a smoke..Thats when i started feeling it..I was getting more relaxed, my heart pounded, my eyes felt heavy, my body was getting buzzed, and then BOOM!!! Those waves of electricity started rushing thru my body again and i knew i was screwed..I was completley lost in my mind and i felt that intense feeling of Reality being Unreal..

I spent the rest of the night until i went to bed chugging milk and pacing my friends house..Not saying a word to anybody what i was going thru..Well i ended up laying down and it calmed me down..I just slept it off like i always did.. WEll i woke up the next morning a little groggy but i was just fine..I walked into my friends room and started talking to him and realized that i was still feeling completley unreal..For some reason it didn't scare me at all..We both just kinda laughed at my situation..Everything was good..I went to the fair and had an ok time despite the fact that this dreamy feeling was constantly on my mind..

This feeling didnt bother me until a few nights later i took a hit of shake (Leaves of the Marijuana with a little bit of Buds mixed in)... This is when all the anxiety kicked in and after that i was having panic attacks everyday all day for about 3 or 4 weeks..It was so bad i missed the first month of school..

Well to wrap things up i have found ways to ignore this feeling and just deal with it..I was put on several different meds (Ritalin, Seroquel, Lexapro, Buspiron, and Propranoral)... Everything except the seroquel i dont really notice help me..Anyways its been 6 months that ive had this and i think i may be getting better..Slowly but surely is better than not at all right?

Well Meghan i hope you get back to your normal self and beat this son of a you know what! That goes for everybody else who posted their stories on here.

~~~Caleb~~~


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Thanks Caleb, yeah it is a bitch, and people don't understand how powerful weed is, and, well, I wasn't even aware something like that could even happen before I had DP! I think it will make us a hell of a lot stronger though when it's all said and done... thanks for sharing your story, I can't say it enough, that goes to all of you. Hearing everyone's story just amazes me because of how many times it has happened to other people. :shock:

Wishing you all the best <33
xo meg


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## rufus1221 (Feb 28, 2009)

i have been reading with thw weed induced dp

sounds like sometimes you never recover even with the right things and mood

i give up :?


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## Caleb_CRD (Feb 28, 2009)

Whatever you do man dont give into the feeling of hopelessness or helplessness..In my opinion the people who have it for years and years or never recover are the people who get caught in that state of mind of "Its never going to get better" or "When will this ever end"..Not that they mean to do this or think this way but i think they may be subconciously be in that mind set..Just keep your chin up man and try to think about how you ARE going to beat this..Easier said than done i know..I deal with these problems every damn day of my life but i try..Thats all we can do is try and to not think ourselves into those feelings of Helplessness and Hopelessness..Well i feel for you and i hope you can work yourself out of that mindset

p.s. DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEARCH THE INTERNET FOR ANSWERS OR SYMPTOMS OUTSIDE OF THESE FORUMS...In my case i found that it did more harm than healing when i looked things up on google..Most sites aren't very reliable as they are mostly peoples opinions..Just stick to these forums.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Thanks for the advice Caleb, really and truly it means a lot. I'm trying to stay positive as much as I can...Just bad days and bad people in my school bring me down, when I really shouldn't let them. :| I know we will all conquer this, it's just a matter of time until we know we're ready :]


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Thanks for the advice Caleb, really and truly it means a lot. I'm trying to stay positive as much as I can...Just bad days and bad people in my school bring me down, when I really shouldn't let them. :| I know we will all conquer this, it's just a matter of time until we know we're ready :]


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## Caleb_CRD (Feb 28, 2009)

Thanks meghan..Im glad to know that i was able to give you what little comfort i could..Well yeah i think your right about our minds working it out when its ready..My whole opinion on Marijuana induced Dp/Dr is that its actually post traumatic stress..I mean it makes sense because that panic and fear brought on by weed was so intense that it was actually very traumatizing..At least for me it seems that way..Idk what do you think?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I agree with you 110%. My (what I like to call) "trip" was very very traumatic for me, especially since I had NEVER felt such sensations in my life. I didn't know what was happening, no one had enlightened me to the facts that things like that can happen when some people smoke marijuana. I honestly thought it was the end of my life, there was a point where my throat was closing and I could barely breathe. I was terrified, because I always heard stories about weird and horrible things happening to people and I thought I was invulnerable to all of it...the panic attack I had was almost unbelievable, and opened my eyes to reality. I look back at it and think it was a lesson that NEEDED to happen in my life. Why? This incident made me realize I was changing myself just to impress my ex-boyfriend...smoking weed wasn't me, and I was starting to get wayyy too into it. I believe the happening of my DP/DR was to help me realize "Hey, you're not used to this, it's not you, you really need to quit it." I try not to look at it as "Oh god hates me, my life sucks, etc,etc. " You need to look at why it happened for the better, because it will help you to move on easier, and you won't be as depressed about your life. The trauma unfortunately is something that may or may not stick for a while, depending on the person. For me, it will be hard to completely forget about it, just because it was such a shocker. But I know that one day, I WILL get over it, we all will! I know it's way overused, but everything really does happen for a reason.


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## Caleb_CRD (Feb 28, 2009)

Yeah i think your right Meghan. Maybe instead of looking at it like a burden we should really look at it as a lesson like you said...I mean yeah it seems like a burden but really i have learned a lot about myself and life in these short 6 months. I mean the obvious being that weed definatley wasnt for me.. I also learned that what i once had before all of this tops what i have now (dp).. I was that typical teenager ya know..Everybody was out to get me and everything was just so unfair and terrible.. Well as i see it now things weren't even close to as bad as i thought, and everything was just fine.. I think Dp has really made me think back and apprieciat what i had.. It might be different to you but idk lemme know!


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I feel the same as you Caleb. I look back almost everyday and say, "Man, I stressed out about small stuff..." I also wish anything that I can just live without the DP/DR. I can't wait for the day when everything is clear and I'm no longer afraid of such simple things. I will completely love my life, I'll be so grateful for everything, literally everything. I had a 30-second moment where I was completely free of DP/DR in a parking lot, and I just stood there looking at everything. I could've stood there countless hours on end if I wanted to, everything looked so 3-D and amazing (if that makes sense). But I think we all just need to know it's a matter of time before our lives get back on track, and we can't over obsess and we can't freak out trying to hide DP. I think one of the hardest DP stages is to accept it and come to terms with what you have. Don't concentrate on how bad it stinks, think of all of the good things in your life. You're paving the way for how you'll feel in the future by how you're feeling now


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## Caleb_CRD (Feb 28, 2009)

lol i know what you mean by "3D".. I have had the exact same experience where i had like 30 seconds of reality.. It was fucking tight. But right when i started thinking about it again it came back. Oh well at least i know that here is still a chance of reality for me.. And i think your right.. We need to break the pattern of Obsession even tho its hard as hell.. One thing that keeps me going is the thought that i could be back to normal anyday.. Like i just keep thinking that i could wake up tomorrow and be completley fine as fast as it came! I hope soon we can be sharing success experiences rather than suffering experiences.. Its just a matter of time ya know!


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## Caleb_CRD (Feb 28, 2009)

[quote name="Caleb_CRD"]lol i know what you mean by "3D".. I have had the exact same experience where i had like 30 seconds of reality.. It was flower* tight. But right when i started thinking about it again it came back. Oh well at least i know that here is still a chance of reality for me.. And i think your right.. We need to break the pattern of Obsession even tho its hard as hell.. One thing that keeps me going is the thought that i could be back to normal anyday.. Like i just keep thinking that i could wake up tomorrow and be completley fine as fast as it came! I hope soon we can be sharing success experiences rather than suffering experiences.. Its just a matter of time ya know! [Oh yeah they put flower instead of the f word lol]


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Haha that's the spirit! Yes, it is just a matter of time! =) 
We just need to make sure we all support one another and try to help one another as much as we can!


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## Caleb_CRD (Feb 28, 2009)

Yup keep me posted on your feelings and ill do the same  You can PM me anytime


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Same goes to you Caleb, you're a great person I hope to keep in touch with you


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Just out of curiosity, how many of you who are marijuana-induced feel better than you have from the start? If so, how much better do you feel? I'm really curious to know...


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## Savage08 (Jan 20, 2009)

hey meghan I haven't posted in a while and was just going to answer your question since mine was marajuana induced. I would say that I am feeling much, much better than when it first started wow I went through some crazy things when it began wierd stuff, but now I am doing quite a lot better. Sometimes I dont feel dp at all when im with my friend hanging out and stuff but then I think about it and then it comes back for a while, also I'm getting better at controlling it and making sure it doesnt interfere with my life in any way. Our hockey team won state this year so that was amazing and it really felt real to me it was kinda nice..  I still have those moments where im just like whats going on here who am i and how did I get here. SOOOOOO wierd :? but I just keep doin what im doin and it just goes away. So it has gotten a lot better and I really hope it just keeps getting better. Hope your doing well. Thanx colin


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I'm glad to hear you're doing well Colin, and I'm happy to hear about your progress. It will help if everyone who has been induced by marijuana and drugs can post and say how they're doing now versus when the incident first occured.  I bet a lot of us can notice that it GRADUALLY is getting better, and it will just be a matter of time until we can break out of our "shell".


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## KCrazy (Apr 1, 2009)

wll mine barely started a week ago and it was marijuana induced following a panic attack, since then i can control it at times and at others i just start getting nervous or anxious


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Hang in there Kcrazy! What was your story?


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## KCrazy (Apr 1, 2009)

O well i posted about it in the introduce yourself category but basically i ate a bunch of weed and had an anxiety attack like a week ago... since then i haven't felt the same but today was a much better day for me because i went to work and i realized i can work just as efficiently as before. I was feeling really nervous that i wasnt going to be able to work and while i was at work i started getting a little nervous and anxious but i managed to calm down. right now i can barely feel the dp/dr but my vision of things is still kind of weird like ill see people and they will look different than what i used to remember them as. I dont really have the anxiety right now so thats really good. How are you doing?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I've been doing decent  I think I'm progressing very slowly, but hey, as long as I'm progressing I am fine with that. I'm glad to hear you are doing well, and yeah, panic attacks really do suck =/. I've improved a lot, my voice doesn't sound strange to me anymore and I'm happy to know what DP/DR is and why it happens. I'm mainly working on trying to accept it but the only thing that is kind of bringing me down is the lethargy and the social damage it carries. I have to work on that a bit :wink:


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## KCrazy (Apr 1, 2009)

I'm glad to hear that! mine got a lot better since the incident and im hoping it will go away, i dont get so anxious as much but its still here


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## Mcren (Mar 30, 2009)

I read your whole post and it's almost like you wrote out my whole experience without even knowing it. I did exactly the same thing with a few friends. You see we that movie, Pineapple Express and almost immidiately after we rolled up a cross joint and light up. I thought the stuff was laced but apparently not, because neither of my friends we having a completely break down like I had. Do you take meds for your dp?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Aw Mcren I'm sorry to hear you had the same experience as I did...It wasn't fun =/ 
Nah, I don't want to go on meds and don't plan on it. My mom used to be on anti-depressants and other meds that did more harm than help to her, so I don't want to see the same results applied to me. What about you?


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## Mcren (Mar 30, 2009)

meghan28 said:


> Aw Mcren I'm sorry to hear you had the same experience as I did...It wasn't fun =/
> Nah, I don't want to go on meds and don't plan on it. My mom used to be on anti-depressants and other meds that did more harm than help to her, so I don't want to see the same results applied to me. What about you?


Definately feel the same, both my grandparents have literally been turned into nervous wrecks from anti-depressants, but as I get farther into this I'm finding that it gets less and less disturbing although the bottom line is it still is probably the biggest set back I've ever encountered.


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## Mcren (Mar 30, 2009)

Oh I forgot, I have another post saying how my onset encounter was, you can read it if you want.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

I'd love to. Do you have the link to it, or where can I find it? 

But yeah, I'm just trying to stay chill with my DP and it's helping for the most part. The only thing that bugs me is the feeling of being tired/drained all the time and also the feeling of random depression. I'm hoping these feelings will go away with some time!


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## Mcren (Mar 30, 2009)

viewtopic.php?f=26&t=18775


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Wow your story is a clone to mine, so just always know I'm in the same shoes as you and you aren't alone! Thank you for sharing your story with me, I hope we will all recover soon.


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## xnr (Apr 15, 2009)

Hey meghan, I was glad to find your post because I can so easily relate to your story. I'd like to share mine and my views on it even though I know they are probably very similar to all being posted in this thread.

I first started smoking marijuana when I was 13 years old, smoking about three times a month until I was 16. When I was 14 I began to have panic attacks that were in essence a brief period of depersonalization and derealization with immense anxiety and nervousness with lightheadedness. I had them initially about once and week, and about 10 months ago they grew to many times a day. I went to a therapist and through exercise and relaxation exercises I was able to for the most part, eliminate the panic attacks. By this time I had drastically reduced the amount of marijuana I was smoking to about once every two months. About 3 months ago I smoked once again and went into an awful panic attack. I was convinced I was dying, you know the usual. Since that night I have pretty much felt the same - disconnected from reality, having frequent panic attacks (although I was put on medicine for it a month ago), and overall feeling that I could wake up at any second and have the past 3 months be a dream. Although on certain days the symptoms are obviously worse, I have never experienced "DP attacks" as some members describe on the board, I just feel as though I always am disconnected.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Thanks so much for posting your story xnr! Just out of curiousity, how are the meds working for you? Also, I feel disconnected all the time too...however sometimes I get certain random flashes where things feel familiar, but it only lasts like 30 seconds. I'm starting to realize it happens a lot when I lay in my bed and stare at my wall before I go to bed...kinda strange :shock: .

But how is your DP/DR treating you now? Is it severe or is it just kind of an annoyance?


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## xnr (Apr 15, 2009)

meghan28 said:


> Thanks so much for posting your story xnr! Just out of curiousity, how are the meds working for you? Also, I feel disconnected all the time too...however sometimes I get certain random flashes where things feel familiar, but it only lasts like 30 seconds. I'm starting to realize it happens a lot when I lay in my bed and stare at my wall before I go to bed...kinda strange :shock: .
> 
> But how is your DP/DR treating you now? Is it severe or is it just kind of an annoyance?


The meds are working wonders for the panic attacks, but I think may have increased DP/DR. I also get those "flashes" of familiarity. For me they are insane sensations of deja vu where I can almost predict what happens in the 30 seconds or so that they take place.

The DP/DR usually gets worse as the day progresses and become awful at night. During the day it is just an annoyance, but at night it makes doing anything almost unbearable.


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## DarkSideOfTheMoon (Apr 16, 2009)

Thanks for sharing your story!

The weird thing is, that I actually somewhat got a handle over my anxiety/depression/depersonalization WITH marijuana. I feel a lot less anxiety for weeks after I smoke it, and my depersonalization eases up a bit as well. Maybe it's not the best choice to be doing that now, but, it's helping right now at least!


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## egodeath (Oct 27, 2008)

DarkSideOfTheMoon said:


> Thanks for sharing your story!
> 
> The weird thing is, that I actually somewhat got a handle over my anxiety/depression/depersonalization WITH marijuana. I feel a lot less anxiety for weeks after I smoke it, and my depersonalization eases up a bit as well. Maybe it's not the best choice to be doing that now, but, it's helping right now at least!


Drugs, even those that are not physically addictive, generally have the effect of lowering anxiety in the short-run, but increasing it in the long run. If you were to stop using marijuana anxiety and DP/DR would probably flare up, but then subside and sink to a lower level after a month or two. That or you're the exception to the rule and marijuana actually helps your DP/DR, which I've actually seen before in another member except with hallucinogens.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

xnr said:


> meghan28 said:
> 
> 
> > Thanks so much for posting your story xnr! Just out of curiousity, how are the meds working for you? Also, I feel disconnected all the time too...however sometimes I get certain random flashes where things feel familiar, but it only lasts like 30 seconds. I'm starting to realize it happens a lot when I lay in my bed and stare at my wall before I go to bed...kinda strange :shock: .
> ...


Yeah, I've heard a ton of mixed views on meds...For some people they work wonders and for others they are temporary relief and when they wear off life is a living hell. I myself am just taking herbal supplements, I can't really tell if they take effect but I sure as hell would hope so. My DP also gets REALLY bad when I'm laying in my bed in the pitch black at night...I might still be afraid of the dark haha! Do you think these moments of familiarity are little messages that we are nearing our recovery?

I hope everything is going well for you as well as everyone else on these forums. :]


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

DarkSideOfTheMoon said:


> Thanks for sharing your story!
> 
> The weird thing is, that I actually somewhat got a handle over my anxiety/depression/depersonalization WITH marijuana. I feel a lot less anxiety for weeks after I smoke it, and my depersonalization eases up a bit as well. Maybe it's not the best choice to be doing that now, but, it's helping right now at least!


Of course! I hope my story has helped you in someway shape or form :] Also, yeah I heard some people just can't handle weed, or there are certain factors that can make your experience really horrible. I'm not clear whether my body couldn't handle the marijuana or if my anxiousness before smoking caused my panic attack...But just be careful with smoking, I heard that you can just out of the blue be smoking and randomly bug out..for some people it will go away after your high is over but for others it stays. It might have to do with the THC intake as well because that really does mess with your brain!


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## Realiity (Apr 26, 2009)

aha, I'm also fifteen.
And it all started when I was high too.
It sucks to go through it every second of the day, I really wish I could get a 5 second break to see what it feels like to look at the world as a person who is fully in reality. 
I'm sorry that this is happening to you, and I wish you luck in your recovery.
Just try not to think about it too much, yet don't fully ignore it.
Try to think of any positive things (okay, I know it's soo much harder than it sounds.)
I just tell myself "hey, I see the world in a different point of view compared to any one of my friends."
But I know because positive is next to impossible, but hey, might as well try. :|


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Realiity, 
I hope you're doing okay... and yeah, thinking positive always helps, just is kinda hard when you have a bad day... =( 
It stinks because some days I'll be so happy and just feel like I can conquer the world...then I start all over again and ask why this all had to happen to me... It's pretty tough, but it is possible to recover, and baby steps really help. Thank you for posting and don't give up! Keep thinking positive no matter how hard it gets!


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## johannes (Apr 10, 2009)

I got it last christmas (thank you santa) from a bad trip of weed. I've been reading alot about it the last couple months and i strongly believe it's a defensive mechanism when facing overwhelming threats. We've inherited it from the animals so we wouldn't feel pain when being eaten by the sharp jaws of a lion etc. That's why you can't feel your body. The body sums up energy/adrenalin to make you escape/fight the overwhelming threat. And when this can't become fully discharged (you can't really run from a bad trip or fight it) this energy get stuck in your muscles. This is really the definition of Trauma. There are body awareness-excersises that can make you release this energy. It's really fascinating, you start shaking and trembling. I just hope i will become better before me and my friend begins our backpacking-journey through Europe this summer.. Oh well.. I guess it takes some time. Bless you for putting up with this piece of shit-syndrom. If anyone needs support through bad times feel free to write to me and i'll give you my msn.

Oh and i'm 21.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Awesome post Johannes, and I really never thought of trauma in that way. That's very interesting  Thanks for posting! I'll pray that you get better before your trip to Europe! That's awesome though, I'm so jealous ;D


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## Caleb_CRD (Feb 28, 2009)

hey meghan um maybe you remember me..anyways wanted to see how your coming along..like hows the DP? getting any better? that kinda stuff..Im going on 9 months with this now..it really sux..i dont know if it will ever go away..I thought for a while there i was getting better but for some reason severe depression set it..going on like 3 or 4 months now with clinical depression..started to feel suicidal for awhile so i told my doctor and she recommended for me to be admitted and evaluated..yeah scary stuff..not doing so good..well let me know how you are doing?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Hey caleb, and yeah my DP... right now, just being honest, it is horrible. I feel exactly how you do, depressed, suicidal (I would never really cause physical harm, but still...) and just overall miserable. I'm not happy. I have so much stress and I just really want my DP to go away.... I feel like I need time alone, but I've been saying that and mainly having that for months now. I just feel very confused and lost, and yet I try to remain optimistic.

I can argue why I feel this way in a sense because I haven't been exercising like I mainly do and haven't been eating right either. But still, I have alot of stress as well.

I hope we will all feel better within a short amount of time, and I would love to hear more from you, how you're doing, etc...Try to keep your head up, I'm in the same shoes as you, 100%, and I know it sucks A LOT. But if you ever feel extreme depression/suicidal thoughts, you know I'm always here to talk, send me a message, anything, I'll do my best to help!!!


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## johannes (Apr 10, 2009)

Last night i was doing one of the Peter Levine Somatic Experiencing-excersies when i went to bed. I had been out taking a walk for about 1 hour so i could really feel the warmth in my blood/muscles of my leg. I lied down and focused on feeling my feet, toes and heel. After about 15-20 minutes something happened, it felt as if i was about go to unconscious and then the most coolest thing happened, my ears popped open, my senses were going online, my body started trembling/shaking. I have been doin these excersises for the last 2 months and i'm gradually getting better by releasing nervous energy in my body. It's there, right now, when i try to feel my "felt sense" i immediately start vibrating. Please get Peter Levines "Waking the tiger" and "Healing trauma" (books). I don't belive it was the weed who gave me some kind of chemical imbalance anymore. I'm muuuuch better than i just to be, i couldn't even go outside in the evenings when there even was no one around because i felt so spaced out. Animals in the wild shake of their survival energy right after the threat is over because they don't have a rational brain like we do. Instead we keep checking in on ourselves, constant worrying why we feel wrong, alarmed by any new sensation our body is giving us, resulting in more DP/DR. Acceptence is the key! The body is trying to repair itself, don't let your rational brain get in the way. Of course at first i did not believe all of this, it was only when i tried it i realized how true it was, i finally felt relaxed because i knew why all of this was happening for me. I just couldn't live with the idea of knowing that something was wrong with me and not know what it was. I tend to stay away from reading other advicing posts about medication etc because i don't believe in that at all.

DON'T WORRY! you'll be fine! read this over and over, YOU WILL BE FINE! I know it's important to recieve comforting words in this state. A1 was an old member of this board who had this shit for 11 years, and he cured himself with this method. I always love reading his posts and his words, huge comfort for me. dpselfhelp.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=6179&start=0 (i couldn't post full link because of my low number of posts on this forum). I have your back guys. Just chill out, watch a comedy and focus on your body.

Sorry for any typos
/Johannes


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## dxstarr (May 15, 2009)

OMG thats so wierd that's the very same thing that happened to me!well it was about three weeks ago that I was at school and my friend offered me special brownies.I smoked weed every now and then and i was a habitual cigg smoker.so of course, i ( being someone who enjoyed weed) said yes and took some brownies.I had always been told that eating food with weed was alot worse than smoking it but I never really took it to heart so I ended up eating a couple of brownies during lunch.However, it wasnt till about an hour later that the bad trip truely began.It was the worst high of my life I became paranoid ( something that never happens to me when i smoke weed) and I had a really bad panic attack.I had to take a test in chemistry and it was CRAP.I couldnt think, breathe, everything was blurry,the walls were closing in on me, and everything felt unreal. I used to suffer alot from panic attacks so when i got home i tried to fall asleep, confident that it was just another temporary episode.Boy, was I wrong.The next day I woke up and I still felt terribly high and panicky.I went to school and things still felt fake.Little did I know that hell was ahead of me.The first couple of days after I didnt know what the hell was going on with me.Nothing felt the same.Things seemed familiar but felt so foreign.I couldnt recognize myself in the mirror and I felt doomed.Everyone seemed like soulless zombies and for days I was the only one living on this planet.I cried so much for the first couple of nights.I felt no desire to eat and I spoke little.During the day I felt no emotion and my mind was unoccupied.I was empty and alone.With days however,(with the help of my mom who had also suffered from dp/dr and depression) the dp/dr lessened and I have improved immensly.I stopped trying to fight the feeling of dp/dr even though it still kinda naggs me. Im going to be patient because I know it will take time to go away.Going through this has, needless to say, ruined my days lol but it has also helped me quit doing drugs and stop smoking.Nothing is worse than being on this seemingly permanent panic attack/ trip mode and these are the times that I feel silly for ever complaining about my panic disorder lol. moral of the story: appreciate life when you feel normal, dont do drugs if you already have problems, and give dp/dr time cause itll lessen...be patient! hopefully it'll completely go away soon :|


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Dxstar, thanks for sharing your story, and your story does sound a lot like mine =/ I hope you're doing better, hang in there!  You can only fall down so far before you start rising back to the top!

And Johannes I'll have to read that book and try out what you're doing...it sounds realllly relaxing. :] If you've recovered (I think you have, right?) then congrats! I'm happy for you and hope everything is going well!


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## johannes (Apr 10, 2009)

No ma'am, i'm not out of the woods yet. But it's getting closer, and i can really feel it, with each week. Rome wasn't built in one day. Of course the energy is not going to stay in your body forever, but it needs a little push. 'Waking the tiger' is more theory-based, 'Healing Trauma' is the one i got and more based on healing it (duh). It's THE solution, it wasn't the weed per se that gave us this, some people still tend to think that, that's just bollocks. Thank you for your wishes and i'll pray for you too sweetie.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Oh yeah of course, little baby steps eventually lead to one giant leap in the end ! I'm glad to hear you are doing better though! =) Also, do you have any other ways/methods that have helped you progress or was it mainly inspired by what you have read?

Hope you're doing well!


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## johannes (Apr 10, 2009)

Well, the most comfort for me was that i finally knew what was happening in my body, and why. In order to feel better for the rest of the day i have to do these excersies. Even though i don't feel frightened by it anymore, i still get frustrated from time to time, but a movie usually helps or some good uplifting music. Springtime has helped alot aswell, just going out and feel the sun on my face, seeing butterflies and all that. I think the reason it takes time is because our systems would be chocked if we would return to 100% reality in an instance. When i read the book i stopped several times and went "Ahh, this makes sense". Give it a try, it sounds like you have unresolved trauma energy stuck in your body. Keep in mind, survival energy is about the most powerful thing the human body can produce, you will read some examples about that in the books. Another good excersise i found out about was to lie down, lift your head up very very slow (crane your neck), then back also slow. If you aren't uncomfortble while doing it you ain't doin it right. Sometimes i'm even glad i got it, because when it's all over i will come out as a much stronger person. You will too!

You just gotta keep on smilin through all this bullshit Meg. Take care.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Awesome advice Johannes, thanks so much! I'll totally try it out. By the way I think the same way, in a sense I'm glad I got DP because I know when all of this is over, I'm going to live a new and better life! :] Again, thanks so much for the advice!


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## johannes (Apr 10, 2009)

What do you wanna do with your life when it's all over?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

My dream is to be a musician or a writer and maybe even a vetrinarean(sp? whoops..) . I just really want to be out there and changing the world for the better somehow.  I have a ton of different things I am passionate about so it's kinda hard to just choose one thing, hee hee. How about you?!


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## johannes (Apr 10, 2009)

Awesome, what kind of music inspires you?

Yeah same here, hard to choose one thing, but i'd like to be a citizen of the world. I love to travel, culture, languages etc, maybe i should become an EU Ambassadeur  I just hope life has something good in store for me, and for all of us.

Anyway i'm not supposed to hijack your thread like this. Today was a real good DP-day. I'm telling you, it's starting to get wierd. Hope you're doin great! Remember babysteps babysteps babysteps


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## DownTheRabbitHole (May 30, 2009)

is there something related between DP/DR, and wanting to travel, experience lots of things the world has to offer, but often lack motivation because of the SHARADe the goverment has put up before our eyes.

i strive for adventure!
but lack motivation or willpower to actually get it.
im stuck in a job, which i know i want to quit, i would rather live in the wild, with no stupid pressures of the world. living off the land, self sufficient away from all the hate and wrong of the world.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

johannes said:


> Awesome, what kind of music inspires you?
> 
> Yeah same here, hard to choose one thing, but i'd like to be a citizen of the world. I love to travel, culture, languages etc, maybe i should become an EU Ambassadeur  I just hope life has something good in store for me, and for all of us.
> 
> Anyway i'm not supposed to hijack your thread like this. Today was a real good DP-day. I'm telling you, it's starting to get wierd. Hope you're doin great! Remember babysteps babysteps babysteps


Haha Johannes pleaseee, I want my thread to be not only my story, but just kinda a thread where you CAN tell me anything about how you're feeling, your story, etc! 
Thanks for your enlightening words really, it helps so much coming to read posts that are inspiring when I'm having a "down in the dumps" kind of day. And I really love all music except for country... For some reason I'm really into like indie/alternative lately but I seriously like a little bit of everything. I'm a sucker for anything acoustic/piano also ;D

And NumbNeo, AMEN. I totally feel you there. I always say to myself, f*ck the real world I'm just going to go to the jungle one day and live freely haha. I would love to travel as well but the damn media makes every other place sound dangerous so I feel frightened something horrible will happen to me. I think way heavily into things when I hear of dangerous stories....so it really makes me try and stay away. =(


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## ApostasyKH (Jan 26, 2008)

Just an update:

Its been quite a while since I first experienced DP/DR. I still have anxiety, I still get DP/DR, and funny enough, I still do drugs. In fact, unlucky me, my anxiety kicked in in the middle of my first acid trip; guess how fun that was :roll: Anyway, now that I know A. I have anxiety B. I get DP/DR during/after an anxiety episode and C. theres absolutely nothing wrong with me (theres no fear greater then thinking you're going absolutely insane), these episodes are much easier to deal with, albeit still incredibly unpleasant. But I just want to give hope to all the other users who have gotten "gunshy" from a bad experience with weed or any other drug, you CAN still live a normal life AND enjoy being high. The trick is that when you feel yourself enter that altered state, just go with the flow. Personally, I'd constantly self-check myself, as in "ok how am I feeling now?" 10 times a minute. If you can just get past that, you can have a great time. And same goes for any anxiety/dp/dr episode: recognize that youre having an anxiety episode and recognize _why_ youre having it. That self reassurance really comes in handy for getting through those rough patches.

-KH


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Thanks for the advice Apo!  
How long does your dp/dr generally last?


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Wow guys, 5000 views, thanks! I'm glad that so many of you have read my story and/or posted many of your own, including motivational messages. I'm so greatful for this community and all of the lovely people in it. I don't know where I'd be without all of you. Your stories (that are much like clones of mine) and advice really keep me going and believing that things will turn out better.

I decided to post a little bit of an update on how I'm doing...It's been about a year and a half that I've had this DP/DR and I haven't really written much into detail about it since sharing my story.

As much as I'd love to say I'm recovered, I can't say that yet, unfortunately. I *can* say that I've improved most definitly from the start though. My voice does not sound weird to me anymore, I'm not terrified to wake up in the morning, having my mother's support and comfort has really helped me to relax and receive awesome advice, and I finally have a firm understanding on what DP/DR really is, how it's caused, etc ,etc. I actually don't really even think about anxiety too much anymore, even though it's still there. I'm learning to live with it. Unfortunately, I have been getting really bad depression lately, and it's very random. Time seems to be going really insanely fast. I mean it's 2009? Since when? Feels like it was 2006-2007 just yesterday. I just feel upset, and I don't know why. I can admit though, I haven't been exercising as much as I should and I haven't been eating the healthiest in the world (which can actually dramatically affect your anxiety/mood) . I am not going to a therapist/psychologist (I probably should but the thought seems awkward/nervewracking.) and I'm not on any meds (I'd rather take herbal supplements.) So really, the reason why I'm feeling so crappy lately could be because I'm not giving myself that kick in the ass to get up and do something about it. I really think if I smash my computer (I'm on it way too much, hee hee) and start doing other things, that I'll feel a lottttt better. We can all do it, we can all defeat DP/DR. It's just a matter of when you're ready to act on it, and how you act on it.

I know it may seem funny but I have been reading an anxiety and depression book for dummies, and it really has some neat explanations and motivational sections in it. I suggest it to any of you who are feeling lost and/or overwhelmed.

But once again, thank you all for reading my story and posting your own. It's helped me to know there are people just like me who have gone through or are going through the same things I am. I hope all of you are doing well and hope your anxiety is getting better with time! If you have questions, need help, or just want to talk feel free to message me


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## phitsy08 (Oct 12, 2009)

i'd just like 2 say hey meghan my names jacob and im 16 ive smoked weed ever since year 9 and always had awesome trips on it until 3 weeks ago i had sum hydro shit from a bong i had 4 cones (which is usual 4 me, probs even hav more than that) and i had a bad trip, which i didnt even know fucking existed, soz 4 tha language. anywayz i tripped out 4 a good 7-8 hrs and while at the peak of my high my friends decided 2 play jokes on me. they werent stoned btw, everything was kind of warping and changing from normal reality 2 this kind of different world it wasnt a constant feeling, this hi was different 2 my usual 4 hr hi's where i never actally halluctinated i just laughed and everything seemed dreamy, i snapped out of it tho. but this time my friends were playin jokes on me i wanted my fone i needed 2 call my mate 4 sum unknown fucking reason so i went out side and the basketball hoop chased me everywhere i went the basketball hoop chased me, wtf i then called out 2 my friends this shit is laced im fucked, they laughed. i then looked 4 my phone but i coodnt find it, my friends then sed its inside i ran inside then they said its outside this went on 4eva but it was really only 3 mins which seemed like 20 years i was spinning out of control my friends just laughed and filmed me i was thirsty so i drank from the hose i ran bak inside layed down on my bed the clock had actually gone back a minute i was shitting myself i was sweating and shaking my friends laughed and started filming me i was sitting on my mates bed and i felt like a was falling, i freefalled for ages and it seemed like my friends were getting further away but at the same time they were staying at the same distance, i was so baked, i looked in the mirror and my eyes were pure red my eyes were actually bleeding i started looking around everywhere saying wtf this aint my house, this aint my shit, this aint me, who am i, whats real, what is existing i was shouting at my friends i need to go 2 tha hospital they sed okay man we aint gon trip u out anymore because they were playing several other jokes aswell, they helped me to the shops 2 get sum food and we got a massive hamburger, i wasnt hungry wtf, i was stoned and not hungry every time i tried to take a bite from my hamburger it jumped out me and barked i then realized a dog near buy was barking and a girl was bouncing on a trampoline its like everything around me blended into anything a concentrated on. i then ran from my friends and sumhow got home. i slept like a muthafucka. the next day i felt fine but when monday approached i felt lke i was still trippin i had a feeling like i was disconnected from the real i once knew, i kept asking myself wat is reality, wat is existing is this real is anything real who am i and vomitted all that night and i decided to come clean with my mum she assured me everything wood b okay and that if it got worse we would see a shrink. next day i felt worse i coodnt do shit i was so paranoid i didnt trust anyone, i blame this partly on my friends because of the jokes they played on me. i was just waiting 4 sum1 to say why did u go swimming like 10 mins ago and i wouldnt recall anyhting i had no memory i felt like shit and woke up every 2 hrs in a cold sweat then vomitted, this went on 4 a week and i saw a shrink he sed i had depression and put me on meds, i took em for like ten days and started 2 feel like me again i felt fucking awesome again, but dp or dr or wateva came bak and more thoughts started like, my thoughts developed into scarier thoughts like im the only one that exists and everyone is just built around me and i still think that everythings just a dream im still thinking that im gonna pass out and my mates r gonna wake me up saying dude u just passed out but i know it wont happen, im so depressed i hav no concentration now, hav no trust, and very paranoid i think life is just a dream or a halluctioan brought on by tha marijuana and the real me is living life 2 tha fullest and i trapped in this 2d world with no emotion execpt despair and fear im so sad and often think about just ending my life im so fuckin scared idk wat 2 do it seemed like it was getting better but now its worse, if i cood just forget that i even got stoned that weekend i would b fine rite now b4 that weekend i neva thought or questioned reality now im obsessed, i feel like im being selfish by feeling this way so i put on a brave face in front of my friends and my little brotha try 2 b a man and just say fuck it but all i do is lay down on my bed and cry and listen 2 depressive music, can somebody plz help me get on with my life. coz rite now im thinking about ending it.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Phitsy...If it helps you to know, I feel your pain. EVERY part of it. I've had DP/DR for 2 dreadful years, and it sucks. Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, this website wasn't working with internet explorer and I recently got firefox which fixed it..(thank god)

We're in this together, trust me on that. I know it's depressing and scary, and I often am suicidal too, but we HAVE to fight it! We can CONQUER it. Through all the hard times you have to look dp/dr in the face and say "Fuck you, I'm not going to let you ruin my life anymore"

Please don't end your life...I know exactly how you feel, but we can't let dp/dr win this battle. We have to fight! Things have to turn around eventually!

Keep in touch, and stay strong. I know it may seem hard, but we're going to get through this together.


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## meghan28 (Jan 3, 2008)

Bumping this up... just because I want my story to still get out there so other people can know they're not alone. Peace and love.


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## Guest (Mar 24, 2011)

I'm sorry this has happened to you. And that you live in New Jersey.


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## bieberlover (Mar 25, 2011)

I'm 16 and I have had dp constant for about 2 weeks, but mine was brought on by my anxiety, and panic attacks...its awful that you had to go through that experience though, people should be warned about the affects weed can have..it's hard for me because i didn't do anything to bring it on, but i bet its soo much harder for you, because you have the guilt of it all, and the worry on top. But don't worry, everything happens for a reason, and soon, hopefully, the whole thing will disappear, i hope! No one should experience what we are all going through, but it's so reassuring to see you all going through similar experiences, take care x


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