# Hi everyone



## sammydabull (Apr 23, 2007)

Whats up everyone. First off, I would just like to say how incredibly happy I am to have come by this site, just reading the posts alone has helped me cope with this hell, it's given me a better understanding of how to manage it and deal with it, and it's just been really informational.

My name is Sam Cannell, im a 17 year old guy from Halifax, Nova Scotia(Canada aha) and i've been living with this curse cronicly for a about 7 weeks now. i'm not exactly sure what started it at this point, I think it was from either one of two things though. I've always been a bit of a hyperclondriac I guess, and that combined with my obsessive compulive disorder, doesn't make for a good mix. Up until lately, Iv'e been able to manage my ocd fairly well, I had my little rituals and stuff, but other than that it was all good for the most part. But then, I started having some like brain farts, (you know nothing big, the sort of thing when you open a drawer and forget what you looking for, becasue your minds trails off) and me being the obbsessive person I am, took this as a sign, i started thinking things like, OH MY GOD, IVE GOT A BRAIN TUMBOR! or IM LOSING MY MEMORY! and then one day in english class, i was typing an essay on the computer, and i started questioning if what i was typing made any sence, and if i was wording my sentences right, i thought i was losing it, and going dumb! And right then and their, i got nailed with the DP frieght train. and ive been like this since that day six weeks ago...

It's been fucking hell for me, not only do i have this depersonalisation, but im also living with the constant fear and anxiety that i'm losing my memory, and that i'm going to forget everything. My brain feels like a motor, it never stops, NEVER. I'm constantly anylizing everything, testing myself, making sure that i can still remember what things are called, or trying to remeber certain words, testing my vocabulary. It's absoulutaly miserable, I can't think about anything else, my focus and concentraition have been shatterd, i have the attention span of a goldfish. I work a simple convienience store job part time, and i feel incredibly overwhelmed with it, it's rediculous. My social skills are gone, i cant hold a conversation, becasue i freeze up trying to think off what words to use, my vocabulary now consists of mainly two words, those being:"like" and "umm" ahaha. I'm also starting to fail all of my classes in school, but it's like i dont care!! But i want to care!!!, same goes for everything else, i dont care about annnything right now except my mental health... I'm at the point now where i can barely think, like somone has executed my mind.. all it can do is anylize, and test itself. And the worst part is, i think that all of this constant thinking has exausted my mind, so i really can't remember some things, and then when i cant remember those things, i get even more stressed out, and cant remember even more things. It's like ive changed how my thought paterns work or somthing, i don't even know what i'm trying to think somtimes...

All i know is i just want to be a happy kid with happy thoughts again. or anny REAL thoughts for that matter... im sick of thinking for the sake of thinking, i just want to beable think again, and have my thoughts actually meen somthing to me... Thanks for reading everyone, can annyone relate to how i feel?


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## Guest (Apr 29, 2007)

Hello and welcome =)


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

Hi and welcome,

wow, 7 weeks. It took me close to 2 years to understand what I have. 
Thoughts are HUGE part of DP. I think that everyone here can't stop thinking and anaylzing. They aware to everything about themselves. 
When my dp only started I was SURE I'm losing my mind or I have some kind of neurological disease. And because I was so scared I couldn't stop thinking of it and therefore it became even worst. But as the time went by and nothing really happened and I noticed that when I'm not thinking at this for some time I have no problem, I understood that it's just part of my anxiety and thoughts. A lot of people here can tell you they felt the same things as you feel now, but everyone here is ok (right? :lol: ).
From that point which I stopped being so scared of it, and I told myself "Nothing is wrong with me, it's only on my mind", it got better. My memory still isn't good but it just part of everything, I guess.

I know what you are going and it's scary. But you have to know that nothing is wrong with your brain or whatsoever. As part of your thougths and anxiety it started, and it got worst when you think about it. You should really tell yourself that you have no problem. And when the fear will be gone, then it will become better and you understand that it's part of the dp.

Do you have any more problems relating to dp?


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## sammydabull (Apr 23, 2007)

Everything just seems so foreign, and alien, you know? I almost feel like I'm lost, somtimes.like sometimes when I'm in class I space out so bad, that I forget what class im in for a second, and that can be really scary. Florecent lights really seem to make it's effects even worse too, like when im in a grocery store(the best part about this aha, is that i work directly under one at the convienience store) and remembering things is hell, things that i know, i know, or atleast knew at one point in my life.


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

Heylo : ) x


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2007)

Meow


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

Hello kitty : )


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2007)

Shit, All that time I thought I was talking to a man OMFG....









Greg


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2007)

Hey sammydabull, welcome

This is me.










Greg


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## Cam (Dec 13, 2006)

WTF, welcome sammydabull,

BTW, I am actually a person, not any bread of animal :shock:

BB


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## suz (Mar 26, 2007)

Greg... have a *huggle*.

You.so.silly.


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