# The song that saved my spirit



## FacelessJane (Apr 1, 2011)

I don't usually come into the forums, but I was compelled to today. Then the song that saved my spirit popped into my head, so I figured that's probably what I'm meant to post about.

A little background on me first. I've had mild DP/DR thoughts/visualization/tendencies since I was a child; I used to wonder if everyone had them but just accepted it for what it was. I'd always based my life on acceptance: I was always a follower and never truly defined myself (nor had I acknowledged/understood it was 'necessary'). I never really had an anxious experience until I was in my teenage years and started to experience loss/grief of those people around me whom I'd 'followed'. I was depressed and had just had my ego/sense-of-self shattered when I entered into a relationship about 4 years ago (I'm still with him but on the way out). I developed codependency when his father committed suicide and I put my self aside even further to try to heal him. I didn't realize how deep I was into darkness until about 6 months ago when I realized how sad/empty I felt. I got so sick of the depression/emptiness that I knew something had to change because I knew that living like that was no longer an option. I began having weed-induced anxieties/mental-blankness which catalyzed me even further in my belief that something had to change.

Then I heard the following song and it helped me to seek my own compass and begin my journey. When I first heard this song it resonated with me extremely deeply. It was like I'd found my skin; tears streaming down my face because it felt so profoundly true, earnest, and right; a simultaneous emptying and fullness of my spirit. After truly coming to a point of deep (and unconscious/subconscious) understanding of where/how far I could go in my life (measured as a distance from depression) and the reassurance that there was (rightfully and deservedly) hope, I had a two-three day period where I felt truly alive and full of spirit because I knew where I was supposed to go on my journey; even though I was still in mental 'standby mode', it was okay, I began healing the first time I heard this song. After that I started recognizing signs in the world around me that validated that I was moving in the right direction, and I still am receiving those reassuring signs. Stumbled across this site was a sign and a part of my journey. Some of you who I've met on this site are signs for me as well and play an important part in my journey. I earnestly appreciate and accept my journey, even in my depths of depression and DP/DR when I feel despair. I am awakening, yet still in this body and this life. I may not always remember my name or my face or what time it is, but I know who I am on a deep level, and I'm reassured that although I may not have mental acuity 100% of the time, it's alright. I know this whole experience was and is part of my path and was right for me. Even in the depths of despair we can still find the light if we believe it's there and it's part of us, just waiting to be awakened/re-awakened. We were made to live. I was made to live in earnest and in harmony.

If this song means something to anyone but me, I will be grateful that I could share the healing. (But I don't expect anyone else to share my journey, for each of us have our own compass.)

Be still and tranquil, and open your heart and your spirit to this song. Allow your *self* to be released and healed.






i never asked for to find my twin, but there you are*
and i never asked for the spools to unspin, but there they roll*
i never asked for to carve your ribs, but here i go
*and i've never pleaded for a new skin as i do now*
i've never pleaded for a new skin as i do now

oh, flowers and blood
build up a new me of flowers and blood

i'll shoot me a gun made of leaf and branch in this here town
*and eat me a bowl full of secret and mud*, yes, i will
if you build up a new me of flowers and blood -- say you will
and i'll see you a baby of drying clay, so don't you cry

oh, flowers and blood
build up a new me of flowers and blood
flowers and blood
build up a new you of flowers and blood
build up a new us of flowers and blood
run us a river of flowers and blood

Now you might understand why I want to live in the stillness of the forest.
Nature is life is beauty is truth. The signs are there if you're still and open-minded and open-armed.


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## FacelessJane (Apr 1, 2011)

The video doesn't want to embed although I attempted several times; oh well. I hope you'll actually go to the link.


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## Guest (Jun 19, 2011)

Jane,

I still listen to this everyday since you shared it with me. It truly is a powerfully healing song. The first time I heard it, it pierced deep into my heart. And it continues to do so. Thanks!


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## FacelessJane (Apr 1, 2011)

David,

I'm truly glad that it has touched you as deeply as it has touched me. 
I am also truly grateful that you've helped me strengthen my compass.
Looking forward to more of your medicine.

-jl


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## foghat (Jan 1, 2011)

very nice! thanks for sharing that!


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## FacelessJane (Apr 1, 2011)

The pleasure is all mine, Foggy.

Just trying to help others to heal.


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## Guest (Jun 19, 2011)

Mariee Sioux is great!

have you heard the song called 'wizard flurry home'? that ones good also. My fav of all hers..





you may like Alela Diane if you like Mariee..


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## FacelessJane (Apr 1, 2011)

ellatree said:


> Mariee Sioux is great!
> 
> have you heard the song called 'wizard flurry home'? that ones good also. My fav of all hers..
> 
> you may like Alela Diane if you like Mariee..


Yes. I have Mariee's discography. Had to get it after first listen. And yes, I'm looking into Alela Diane, I like what I've heard so far. Marissa Nadler is good too, if you haven't heard of her.


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## Guest (Jun 20, 2011)

FacelessJane said:


> Yes. I have Mariee's discography. Had to get it after first listen. And yes, I'm looking into Alela Diane, I like what I've heard so far. Marissa Nadler is good too, if you haven't heard of her.


yes! lol Marissa is great... hmm lets see have you heard of.. mazzy star or hope sandoval? her music is so soothing.. takes me right out of a panic attack lol






you have great taste in music


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## Guest (Jun 20, 2011)

Don't forget Loreena McKennitt


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## Guest (Jun 20, 2011)

amazing music, thanks for sharing!! i love that song Jane


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## FacelessJane (Apr 1, 2011)

Lisa, I am so glad that Mariee Sioux is working for you. I recommend you check out the others songs from her album on YouTube. Perhaps those may be relevant as well. Peace to you, friend. <3


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2011)

It's lovely, Jane


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## Guest (Jul 3, 2011)

made me think of Pentangles' Light Flight


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## FacelessJane (Apr 1, 2011)

Just checked out Pentangles - SO LEGIT.


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## rushdy (Sep 24, 2011)

FacelessJane said:


> Just checked out Pentangles - SO LEGIT.


i know exactly what you mean. Not specifically to that song but i realized the trigger of my DP/DR, existential crisis, or existential anxiety due to one song. I first heard it on the radio but i always had to leave the car and leave the song behind. I knew that it spoke to me but i never had the time to appreciate it! 3 nights ago, i was having a hard DP/DR session and i figured i should google the song by some lyrics and all i can remember was that i had a breakdown with tears and anger towards god. I screamed my heart out and it felt euphoric afterwards!

Here is the song:


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