# Do you remember?



## alnadine20 (Oct 22, 2014)

Does anyone have this thing full blown and remember what life is supposed to feel Like? Like feeling alive, like an actual human being, with feelings...and a mind inside of their head looking through their own eyes. I keep thinking what that’s like even tho I loved it for 18 years. The memory of ever living before has vanished. I look at people and wonder what life is really like like how they’re living and how they feel throughout their day. What does a day even feel like? What does having a soul feel like? Feeling an atmosphere? Feeling love? Having a mood...everything. Its just all gone. The whole human experience...gone. Why does this hell exist I will never comprehend it. How something like this is posssible without it being some serious disease boggles my mind. No human on earth is put here to feel this way not even for a second. Having any type of life again seems like a far far impossible dream that’ll never come true.


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Yeah but only with medication tbh


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## alnadine20 (Oct 22, 2014)

CK1 said:


> Yeah but only with medication tbh


 what kind


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## 106473 (Feb 7, 2017)

Mirtazapine + olanxapine. Every journey is different though


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## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

Yeah.. I relate a lot to this. It's been such a long time since I was 'normal' that I can't imagine what my life felt like before I got depersonalization. On top of that, I wonder a lot about how peoples' lives are going since I tend to associate many people living without having ever experienced depersonalization. I still feel human, but it only goes so far since I still feel like a black hole on the inside.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

That was really well written, couldn't have said it better myself. I actually sort of remember or even experience it some of the time. But it's sooo fleeting and out of reach sort of. Like it's in front of me but i can't get myself to "jump" back in.

Messed up thing is that i'm not that depressed anymore, almost no anxiety, symptoms minimal or gone for the most part. I'm just stuck, and i can't get myself to go back...


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## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

Pondererer said:


> I actually sort of remember or even experience it some of the time. But it's sooo fleeting and out of reach sort of. Like it's in front of me but i can't get myself to "jump" back in.
> 
> Messed up thing is that i'm not that depressed anymore, almost no anxiety, symptoms minimal or gone for the most part. I'm just stuck, and i can't get myself to go back...


Yess, this is also exactly how I feel about this as well.


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## sekhmet (Jan 24, 2011)

Be patient. You're suffering but you'll be rewarded, I promise. Soon enough, you'll feel and experience the world as much (and definitely more) than the average person. Then, you'll rejoice. Just think of that moment.


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## MrsDon (May 19, 2017)

I cant remember too....it's been 12 years!! What if I come back to reality and I freak out...was on a vr headset earlier and it seemed like I could see for real and it freaked me out abit!


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## HopingCat36 (Jun 17, 2017)

I recovered from this 17 years ago and I just came back to reality slowly. You don’t even notice. Time goes by and symptoms just fade. You start living. You don’t even remember what this hell feels like. You can even joke about it. I remember laughing saying “ wow I can’t believe I thought I was in a dream” this is how stupid this shit is.


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## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

alnadine20 said:


> Does anyone have this thing full blown and remember what life is supposed to feel Like? Like feeling alive, like an actual human being, with feelings...and a mind inside of their head looking through their own eyes. I keep thinking what that's like even tho I loved it for 18 years. The memory of ever living before has vanished. I look at people and wonder what life is really like like how they're living and how they feel throughout their day. What does a day even feel like? What does having a soul feel like? Feeling an atmosphere? Feeling love? Having a mood...everything. Its just all gone. The whole human experience...gone. Why does this hell exist I will never comprehend it. How something like this is posssible without it being some serious disease boggles my mind. No human on earth is put here to feel this way not even for a second. Having any type of life again seems like a far far impossible dream that'll never come true.


No I don't remember. This has become the new normal to the point that I hardly know it's not the way it should be. It's so bad. I barely know I am gone. I am that far gone. I don't remember what having a body or thoughts is like. Or having a moment. A day. Seeing myself in mirror. Hearing my voice run through my head. Know who ppl are and emotionally connected to them.

This is the worst hell there is here on earth.


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## Thisisnotlife (Oct 20, 2017)

yes.... everytime i think about normality i freak out. i have forgotten what it was to feel like human. im acting weird. like robot. putting thoughts and feelings inside of me. i feel my brains have gone.


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## Sharon22 (Jan 10, 2018)

The way I describe it is you have everything that makes you human taken away from you & you have no idea when it's coming back. Your body feels like a shell, your mind is hollow and I wonder what normal people feel like and how much they just take it for granted.


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## Jesubz (Jan 14, 2018)

I think that we might never go back to what was us. Then I wonder, like you, what that is. I have forgotten aswell. Its like a feeling that cant be unfelt. Worst case scenario is that it is like this forever. Now comes the good part and im so greatful that the 1% of reason left got to work. Ill just accept my new life. My theory is that if I let it go, I will simply forget this state aswell. Even the constant reminders of it, ill try to laugh it in the face. Like I forgot my old state. It has done wonders the past 3 days and it was instant relief from the hellish thoughts for me. Again that's the worst case! Hopefull today, don't give up people.


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## anniephantom (Jan 17, 2018)

I now divide my life into pre-dpdr and dpdr. In a lot of ways, it feels like I died. The happy, bubbly, motivated me died, and I've become this pathetic, messy blob. I'm so scared that if my 24/7 dpdr went away, I wouldn't recognize normal. I'm so used to this "drunk" feeling and constant pain. I'm sorry that I can't offer any positivity--just solidarity.


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## MrFedUp (Aug 11, 2016)

I could of wrote that word for word !! Drop me a message if you would like a chat out symptoms are literally the exact same.


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