# Ok I forgot what it feels like to be without dp/dr



## needacure (Apr 25, 2007)

I have now forgotten what it feels like to be without DP/DR, I now don't have a model to go by on what it feels like to be normal..

This is very troubling to me and just makes feel such despair, why have I been punished so badly? What have I done to deserve such turmoil? I have been chronically dp/dr'd for close 4 years now... That's 4 years tainted with horrible troubling experiences.. 4 years I will never get back. 4 Years of mistakes that I have made, mistakes that today I have learned from. 4 years of mistakes I will never make again as long as I live.

Anyone in here remember what your originall reality used to feel like?


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## none (Dec 29, 2005)

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## needacure (Apr 25, 2007)

Mr. Zombie said:


> I don't know if I still have DP/DR constantly anymore, I don't know what the difference is from when I didn't have it. I only know I have it when it gets bad.


I wish I was in your shoes


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## severed (Jun 11, 2007)

After having constant dr between 6 months and a year I forgot what it really felt like to be alive. I don't remember what it is like to feel something with 100% of your being.

I feel absolutely no anxiety. Something happened two days ago to me that would most likely cause me to freak out and have an anxiety attack were I without dr, or during the first year of my dr. Now, I just don't care anymore. I don't feel love. It sucks. But, it's better than being dead. If you're dead you can't experience anything (IMO), but being concious, even in this greatly skewed world, has its pros.


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## flipwilson (Aug 19, 2006)

I know it sucks, im starting to forget myself, and it hasnt even been a year yet. Just know that even people who had this crap 12 years and recover say that they feel normal again. THE MIND WILL REMEMBER. If are brains started working like they did before, than it would definatley feel the same way. We only forget now cause we still experience so many symptoms. Just remember you never forget how to be you, in fact you still are "you", just dealing with some awful stuff right now.

peace.


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## ihavemessedupdreams (Apr 19, 2007)

im on 6 years and its true when you feel normal the first thing your gonna do once you notice is WOW ITS OVER!!! I CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO BE DP'D!!! even if it was just a minute right after recovery you completly drop all thinking patterns its absolutly amazing

BUT one thing is even while going through experiences while being dp/dr i wonder exactly how we really reacted to those things and what kind of emotional experience we actully do have your gonna have to redescover yourself which will be awesome


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> I CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO BE DP'D!!!


Yeah thats about right.

You don't remember because it is not there.

Just like you can't remember being "normal" because it is just not there.

It is not something you can remember.

When you are cured of DP/DR you do not go back to the person you were before you got DP/DR. You simply are free from the DP/DR experience. Being free from DP/DR is not something you can bring up in your memory very well because it is simply a perception of reality. It is not even really a feeling, it is mostly just a perception. When your perception changes then you can't remember a former perception, all you now know is the perception that you now have. You have memories of your former feelings and actions but trying to remember a perception is almost impossible. Actually if you think about it to much then you will always have DP/DR. Thinking that way only induces more DP/DR because it is like you are trying to figure something out that does not even really exist. It is simply a distorted perception of reality and the more that you try to pinpoint that perception and make it "real" and "tangible" then the more your perception of things will become distorted.

Thats why it is so easy to get trapped in DP/DR. It is like a Chinese finger trap, the more you try to pull out of it the more of a hold it actually has on you. The very action of thinking about DP/DR or about not having DP/DR is what keeps DP/DR stuck in your head, until that is realized then it is almost impossible to get out of the trap.


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## ihavemessedupdreams (Apr 19, 2007)

if you do not go back to the person you where before then who do you become and will we not have the same weakness and stuff


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## Dptilldeath (Jul 27, 2007)

needacure i can relate 100% with you. After being for 21 years with dp and dr i don't even have the mind to make the thought that before dp i was normal,everything was difrent becuase dp and dr has ocupied my mind and all of me for so many years.
I feel desperet too and there is nothing i can do.
The good and that is 100% true is that when dp is gone we,you don't have to do something to remember or feel real,normal and all. EVERYTHING is coming back just like that and we can't even remember what is like to have dp. I had this experience when i was 100% cured once and when i read stories with dp i couldn't understand what they talking about.


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## ihavemessedupdreams (Apr 19, 2007)

^crazy.

maybe i should break my lazyness and start keeping a journal so i can look back 30 years from now be like this is what i feel like.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> if you do not go back to the person you where before then who do you become and will we not have the same weakness and stuff


You become the person that you are, just without DP/DR!

Many people seem to think that they need to become the person that they were before they got Dp/DR and that is impossible. You simply need to be yourself, who you are right now and not who you used to be or anyone else. Just be yourself, who you are right this moment. 
You do not need to wait for euphoria or paradise to rid yourself of DP/DR.

You just have to accept whatever hell is your life and do the best to make it better. Then you will realize that DP/DR was not really the root of your problems but it is just something that is covering your true problems over so that you are unable to deal with them!

The problem with many of us is that we have bundled up all of our problems and labeled them with DP/DR. I did this before I even knew what the name for this illness was. I blamed everything on my "problem" and I focused more and more on this "problem" and just made it worse. If I would have actually took action to deal with the real problems of my life a long time ago then I would have been cured of DP/DR years ago. I bet that is the same for most all of us. We are all tormenting ourselves because we do not want to face reality.



> maybe i should break my lazyness and start keeping a journal so i can look back 30 years from now be like this is what i feel like.


I think thats a good idea. Then that will help you to see also how much you have changed over time and it will help you identify who you are as a person.

I have been making mental notes to myself for a long time. One of the biggest ones was when I was high from smoking weed. I don't fully remember how horrible it was but I remember that I kept telling myself over and over that it was the worst nightmare in the history of human experiences and that it would be better for me to light myself on fire and burn to death then to ever smoke pot or mess around with drugs again.

I used to always think that my fate was set with DP/DR. I used to think that my life was officially over. That is the one thing I would have been writing a lot about if I would have kept a journal over the past ten years. For a long time I had no hope. I figured killing myself was the only logical thing to do because I was doomed.

Well I am still alive and I do have hope for my future now. I am no longer doomed. There is a shining beacon of light that I can see at the end of the road.

So it does good for me to look back and think about what I have been through because I am able to see my progress by doing that.

I don't dwell on the past anymore though. None of us should be looking backwards to often. We need to be looking forward so that we will be able to deal with the things that are coming our way in life. The past should only be used as a way to learn from our mistakes. If we get stuck in the past to much then that will only make things worse for our DP/DR.

Keep looking forward and progressing toward your goals and just use the past as a guide to help you deal with the future.



> becuase dp and dr has ocupied my mind and all of me for so many years.


Thats our problem, we all spend to much time thinking about this. We need to focus on other things and just try to live our lives without monitoring "how" we are living our lives or "how" we are feeling and "how" we are thinking. Even if we become totally retarded, we need to just realize that we are human beings that make mistakes and that we are "NORMAL", the feelings we feel are real. If we would all stop questioning ourselves so much and we would stop thinking so much about this "problem" then the "problem" would go away by itself!!!

It don't need to be cured. We need to live our lives. The cure is to stop trying to cure yourselves because the only thing that is wrong with any of us is that we are paying way to much attention to our own existence. RELAX and live life, even if life becomes tormenting, just live it and deal with it. The fight against reality is pointless, you will always lose.


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## pfpc (Aug 22, 2004)

After nearly 5 years I too find it hard to remember. The only relief I ever got was for a split second 3 years ago. I can only liken it to a feeling of my shell of dp disolving. It was a fantastic experience if only for a minute period of time. Was sort of like coming home after a long trip. Extremely comforting knowing that this 'perception' was still there and might be attained in the future.


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## Ludovico (Feb 9, 2007)

DP only exists when you are thinking about it. If you are constantly obsessing about it, you will never be free from it's grip. I'm not saying this to sound silly or to rub it in people's faces - I am speaking from personal experience. It's 100% recoverable.


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## Anla (May 1, 2007)

Well, I "know" that once I was actively involved experiencing life. I even read a journal I kept when I was a missionary in the Appalachian US. I had lots of friends I was really involved with then. I wrote then about all the things I was doing, experienced in living color and sound.

I also "know" that life is not the same for me anymore. And I feel sadness when I think about it. But I cannot feel how it used to be for me. That area is just all washed out.

I have not stopped living. I have fought my way back to the job I lost as part of my trauma/abuse experience. I do what needs to be done each day. I use my God-given talents and abilities, as well as my education and training.

But, as all have said, it is just not the same anymore. And I no longer seek out many varied experiences and people, etc, unless I "know" that there is a need for me to do so.

My emotional memories just are not felt anymore. So life is just not fun.

Anla


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## Dptilldeath (Jul 27, 2007)

Ludovico said:


> DP only exists when you are thinking about it. If you are constantly obsessing about it, you will never be free from it's grip.


That's true i have experience it too. You NEVER get free if you are thinking of it. I was free only once when i found the power in me not to think about it even for 1 second.


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## Dptilldeath (Jul 27, 2007)

The cure is to stop trying to cure yourselves because the only thing that is wrong with any of us is that we are paying way to much attention to our own existence.

You got a serious point here!


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## Guest (Aug 9, 2007)

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