# So here is my DP and DR story..



## Epic2010 (Dec 6, 2010)

Where to begin.. Even as I sit typing these words I feel like a separate entity.. My DR and DP started not unlike most people after a weekend of hard core partying. No I was not an alcoholic, nor a druggie.. Just a full time student and full time employee.. So when my weekends rolled around I definitely enjoyed blowing off some steam with liquor and some weed.Unfortunately, one particular weekend lead to what I can only describe now as what has become a living nightmare for these last 2 months.

I woke up the Monday morning following my weekend of excess in what I can only describe as a fog.. I brushed it off as having had too much fun over the weekend, and thought I just needed to get some rest.. If ever there was a disorder that took a tiny snowball and turned it into an avalanche than DP and DR sufferers everywhere can relate.. This fog did not lift and I soon found myself in a constant state of panic for no apparent reason.. I couldn't stop ruminating that something was wrong with me.. The world just didn't look right, but that couldn't be true? It happened so quickly that I cant tell you exactly how I knew something was wrong, but that I just knew. The intrusive thoughts started and unlike the existential dilemmas that so many people here have listed (Mine came later).. Mine were of a different sort.. Like the invention of things and the most mundane thing such as, my mother offering me a pepsi would lead to "Who invented pepsi? Why do I want to drink this pepsi right now?" These thoughts agitated me, but I hadn't really tipped the scale yet. That started when the insomnia set in.. I could not for the life of me sleep.. The "Broken Record" that some people described on here would not shut off inside my head.. I replayed conversations, TV show ads, comments I read, you name it.. If I had heard it or read it, then it was replaying like a reel in my mind that I could not shut off. Then I started forgetting things that just happened. It would become hard for me to recollect things that occurred just a day before, as I completely lost my concept of space and time..

The hysteria set in.. The constant thoughts that I was losing my mind, but yet was completely aware of everything going on around me was beyond confusing. It's never about actually doing or saying anything crazy, but the fear that you're a second away from losing it.. The thing about DP and DR is the "WHAT IF'S"? What if I leave my house and everyone can tell that when I am speaking with them they actually look robotic to me? What if one day I wake up and I don't recognize my friends and family that at one point I couldn't put into words how much I love them, but not because I now feel numb, but because there were no words to describe the love.. and the biggest WHAT IF that has come to haunt me is "WHAT IF THIS NEVER GOES AWAY?" The scariest thought ever is the that for some it may be a possibility, but the overall consensus seems to be that its completely up to us?

I've consulted Dr.Google far to many times to doubt that what I am experiencing is DP and DR, yet I can't take comfort in it. I tried to explain to my family and friends what I've been going through, but they don't understand. They keep saying I'm doing this to myself, as if anyone would intentionally choose to feel this way? I had to quit my job and drop out of my last semester at school before finally applying for transfer because I am too scared to leave my house or interact with people.. In the last two months I have definitely come a long way, but not unlike many other conditions I have my good days and my bad days.. I have definitely noticed some patterns in what triggers it.. Such as, high levels of stress, fluorescent lighting, very noisy and condensed areas.. The list goes on for what triggers it, but I am looking to see what makes DP and DR more bearable for you guys? I'm not asking for a miracle, just some of your coping skills so that I can try em out..

Good luck to everyone on this website. Believe me when I say I completely feel for all of you.


----------



## Guest (Dec 7, 2010)

Believe it or not,

Taking one 81mg of Aspirin a day is amazingly beneficial. You see, Aspirin is a blood thinner. And, all the what if thoughts, are just as you said, like a snowball rolling down a hill. All that extra thinking requires more blood flow to your head than usual. So the Aspirin thins the blood, equalizing it's flow throughout the body. That means no more extra blood to your head to sustain the thoughts. And they fade away like a fever would go away. Good Luck.


----------



## Guest (Dec 7, 2010)

Oh,

And Welcome to the Forum! You are not alone! And I hope that you find some benefit here!


----------



## Rusko (Oct 27, 2010)

Your story is pretty much dead on with mine. I too got DR after panic attacks from smoking marijuana. One thing that is for certain is that you are not in any way losing your mind, I can guarantee you that. As time went on my DR has pretty much left me, I just became so used to living with it that it just soon faded. The key is not to fight it nor question its being. It's there for a reason, your brain put it there. I didn't absorb all the information you gave in your post, but had you experienced any anxiety prior to DP/DR? In regards to the "what if?" thoughts, those are highly common in people experiencing DP/DR and anxiety sufferers. You see, without the anxiety those thoughts are nothing, they feed off the fear that you give them, thats why they snowball. The key with these thoughts is pretty much the same as dealing with the DP/DR, just don't question them or fight them because anxiety will always win that way. When a scary irrational thought enters your mind, let it be. Now this is hard at first, but as you do this more and more, the anxiety fed to those thoughts eventually begins to fade, and in turn, you can let those thoughts pass just like any other normal thought. Like think back into your life before anxiety, before DP/DR, did you have these types of thoughts? Did you care about these types of things? NO. Even if you did think about irrational things, you didn't obsess over them. These intrusive thoughts, and the feelings of DP/DR are potent, but they are weak, even non-existant without their master, Anxiety. Once the anxiety is defeated, these thoughts and feelings lose their power because they no longer have anything to support them.

Take care, Rusko.


----------



## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Wow, I love your story and can find myself in it so many times









Welcome to the forum! You will find a lot of support here- PROMISE!

As far as I know, weed triggered DP is one of the easiest to cure. So cheer up


----------



## piescoffer (Dec 10, 2009)

Hi, I too can relate to much of your symptoms - right from feeling like a seperate entity while typing and all of the what if thoughts - including what if I don't recognise my family and why don't i feel love etc etc... you are definatley not on your own. The existential, and intrusive thoughts bombard me often but as someone else has already said you just have to let them be and not try to fight them, they do fade over time if you don't give them any power. I have been at the point where I could barely bruing myself to leave the house or face people because they looked so robotic to me and it freaked me out but that too seems to be getting easier over time.

My DP was bought on by a lot of prolonged work anxiety, I have never touched weed and don't drink anymore because that seems to make things worse in the long run.

Good luck and I'm sure things will improve for you over time.


----------



## Cambella2002 (Nov 25, 2010)

Hello Epic,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us here on this forum. During the intense suffering of DP/DR (in the last two to three weeks)I was doing research on Depersonalization, anxiety, repression and defense mechanisms, instead of spending too much time consulting with DR. Google (don't get me wrong, I do have urges to consult everyday). I immersed myself trying to figure out the causes of this disorder. Then I journaled my experiences (e.g., trauma, anxiety, Dp/Dr). Well I found solace by accepting the fact that I am not dying or going crazy. And by understanding that DP/DR is how I cope with stress and anxiety. It is a defense mechanism that I have mastered since I was in junior high. Instead of choicing to deal with issues head on I resort to avoiding stressful situations and go into shut-off mode. I'm also a master in Repression and Self-blame. Do I like my coping skills? No, absolutely not. Do I plan to make changes? Yes, absolutely. I intend to seek professional help from a Psychotherapist, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may work best for my issue. Also, a trauma focused approach would work best for me as well.

I'm not suggesting that all of you are experiencing DP/DR for the same reasons, but I'm just describing my path to recovery. Also, I'm not making any suggestions but understanding why your experiencing this dissociative disorder helps. And become aware of what reduces signs of DP/DR and journal it.

Many of us are experiencing DP/DR for different reasons. Best wishes to all of you. Stick in there


----------



## Onibla (Nov 9, 2010)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Believe it or not,
> 
> Taking one 81mg of Aspirin a day is amazingly beneficial. You see, Aspirin is a blood thinner. And, all the what if thoughts, are just as you said, like a snowball rolling down a hill. All that extra thinking requires more blood flow to your head than usual. So the Aspirin thins the blood, equalizing it's flow throughout the body. That means no more extra blood to your head to sustain the thoughts. And they fade away like a fever would go away. Good Luck.


This made me lol a little


----------



## Epic2010 (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks for all the supportive words guys!

PieScoffer.. I think my work/school anxiety definitely contributed and maybe made me more susceptible as this particular weekend I had a physically, as well as mentally draining week. So I can relate there too!

Cambella2002.. I am going to therapy, but I dont think my therapist really understands my DR/DP.. So she's concentrating on the anxiety portion of it.. I was always prone to panic attacks if put under extreme stress.. so I guess they're related :/

Thoughtonfire.. Aspirin really? Is it safe to take it everyday?

Gypsy85.. Thank you so much for your positive words!


----------



## Guest (Dec 9, 2010)

Epic2010 said:


> Thoughtonfire.. Aspirin really? Is it safe to take it everyday?


Yes,

Doctors Prescribe 81mg Once a Day for Heart Patients. Though taking it everyday might cause (very minimal) stomach bleeding. But don't be frightened by that. The Stomach actually rebuilds the stomach wall lining every 3 days, because the stomach acid burns it up. So taking it once every two days there would be no stomach bleeding problems. And not bad for you if you take it once a day.


----------

