# Can't feel joy



## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

I wouldn't call myself numb, I can feel every emotion but joy. Years ago, even when I was depressed I still laughed everyday. I can still find things amusing and laugh, but there's no heart in it. It's an issue because I can't en*joy* being with friends so they can't enjoy being with me. I have a strong need to socialize, yet it's impossible.

I can't have fun. I can't remember what fun feels like, I've lost my grasp on the concept. Wtf is fun? Is this due to dp too?


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## Guest (Jul 5, 2010)

It could be do to the DP, are you on any medications? those can have a huge impact on emotions. But i know what you mean, i still laugh everyday and everything but theres liek something missing from it that makes it what it is.


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

Yeah its confusing. How much is DP and how much is depression after enduring DP. Like you said Bear, I went through a period 5 years ago where I was depressed for 2 months. It was kind of unlike me, but I was heavily depressed non-the-less and yet I still functioned and would feel some level of joy i suppose.

One thing i'm really struggling with is that before DP/DR I always had the utmost joy for other people. I was never jealous and always felt joy for others. But now its like my senses for other peoples triumphs or anything are pretty dulled.


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

Auldie said:


> Yeah its confusing. How much is DP and how much is depression after enduring DP. Like you said Bear, I went through a period 5 years ago where I was depressed for 2 months. It was kind of unlike me, but I was heavily depressed non-the-less and yet I still functioned and would feel some level of joy i suppose.
> 
> One thing i'm really struggling with is that before DP/DR I always had the utmost joy for other people. I was never jealous and always felt joy for others. But now its like my senses for other peoples triumphs or anything are pretty dulled.


Yeah I never understood jealousy either! Why would you hate someone for something you want? That doesn't make sense! Be happy for them! But recently someone took ma man and I hated her for it. Ugly bitch. Now I understand.


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## BlueTank (Jun 2, 2010)

Bear said:


> No I'm not. Maybe I'm uptight?
> 
> Yeah I never understood jealousy either! Why would you hate someone for something you want? That doesn't make sense! Be happy for them! But recently someone took ma man and I hated her for it. Ugly bitch. Now I understand.


Yeah, I always said I was born with out the ability to be jealous. Its happened, but its very rare and usually in the form of a sting of when some guy I know is an asshole gets with somebody I know who is awesome. Haha. Anyways.

So people called me a "conversationalist" and I was a good listener and would congratulate poeple on things. Now conversations are more like this:

(*things may be exaggerated to get my point across*)

Bob: "Hey man, Stacy and I are engaged!"
Me: "Right on...." (mouth smile)
Bob: "Yeah and i'm getting a new job too!.. hows your job going?"
Me: "I HAVE DP/DR!!! I FUCKING HAVE DP/DR!!! the light behind you is some how streaking over your face right now!"
Bob: "Oh, pfft.. you'll get over it! AND JUST IN TIME FOR THE WEDDING I HOPE! yuckity yuck"


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## septimus (Jun 1, 2010)

Kill Bob, Blue. Kill him and make him know he's dying.









I think my lack of jealousy is, oddly enough, rooted in my lack of self-worth. I put everyone on a higher pedestal and feel that they deserve only good. On my school trip home from Spain I knew I was going to die. But I looked at everyone around me and I think, "These people aren't going to die" They don't deserve to die. So I deserve to die? What?


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

In my opinion this all boils down to different levels of depression and selfconfidence. I would write more because I can very much relate but I´m having trouble putting things into words right now.

Peace.


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