# Be nice to know if someone could relate.



## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Hi guys, So basically i was dp free completely for the last year. I was doing great. A lot of stressors happend and i spiraled downward with anxiety and dp hit me like a ton of bricks again.

Its been 3 weeks and in the alst few days i have improved alot even though it has been up and down. So let me just describe the way I feel.

So when it begun again i could feel the existential thoughts start to creep in. And then the panic constantly, I then felt completely detached from myself and my life. And nothing made sense. I felt braindead and cut off. I had experienced this before with dp but not to this extent. that has gone now as i just lived alongside it and tried to let it be there. Im now half way better but im stuck with some strange thoughts that i would like to think are just my mind trying to make sense of the DP. Im thinking , ''if i wasnt here then i wouldnt know this place(being life/my house) But I am here so my mind thinks its normal. But is it really normal. 'how are there people outside of me and my life, and why would they be here if I wasnt here'' I am also looking at my whole life from the outside and being aware that i could have not been here and that i only know what things are cause i learned them but im too aware it could have not been this way. ''am I really seeing what other people are seeing''.

Now I dont want answers to these questions as its more of a feeling its not philosophical but its questioning everything you have ever known. And i just wanna jump back in as normal and believe my reality again. It feels like a lie or something. so so hard to explain. I am aware this is all just a feeling and my thoughts are just thoughts but somehow with Dp they seem to make sense and it feels like i have outsmarted life or my brain or something. Its horrible. Its getting less the more i let go but im stuck obsessing over this and thinking I can never get back to normal because of these thoughts. To those who are recovered or know (even though i know myself from previous , its very hard to tell yourself when your in it) . When i stop feeling dpd will these thoughts go. Are they coming from the fact that i am dissociated and my mind is trying to make sense of it.

Hope u guys are okay, your all troopers 

Katie


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Most definitely these thoughts are coming from your DP and your anxiety....Its just obsessive rumination that goes hand in hand with DP...For some reason you have latched onto these thoughts...Because its going over and over in your head its definitely because of the DP....Im sorry to see your not feeling so good...Have had many relapses if ya want to call them that myself in all my years of DP...Its not nice!


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

no its very upsetting because i thought I was done with dp. i guess if you dissociate once you can do it again if the stressor is big enough. do you think these thoughts can go and i can feel normal in my reality again. they give me such panic. I guess because you feel dissocated ur mind tries to rationalise it with thoughts right ?


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## Confusedandtired (Aug 11, 2015)

katiej said:


> no its very upsetting because i thought I was done with dp. i guess if you dissociate once you can do it again if the stressor is big enough. do you think these thoughts can go and i can feel normal in my reality again. they give me such panic. I guess because you feel dissocated ur mind tries to rationalise it with thoughts right ?


These thoughts can and definitely will go if you go about it the right way. It sounds like you have some anxiety problems (or you wouldn't be here haha). DP doesn't really exist without underlying anxiety, or so that's what I've gathered from research. Currently my DP/DR was caused by a massive panic attack from smoking weed and was fueled by my unrelenting doubts about reality, sanity and all the other BS we are put through. I've come to accept that this condition is (almost certainly) temporary and I have no control over it. I've accepted every thought I get and the uncertainty that comes with them. Over a month so far I'd say I've improved by about 50% or more and am optimistic for the future.

I'd like to think I know a lot about anxiety by now considering I'm affected by multiple anxiety disorders. I suffer from OCD and GAD, and have previously overcome PTSD. The one most important thing I have learned which is the only way to success is acceptance and tolerance.

The only way out of anxiety is through anxiety; you need to accept that you can't always control what goes through your head no matter how scary it is. Sit with the anxiety and don't try to comfort yourself out of it; eventually your body will become bored with that worry and presto, the anxiety subsides. This is not easy, but it can be done. Trying not to think about something only inevitably makes you think about it more.

Things happen in life that are out of our control, and the best thing we can do is try to make the best of it. Your DP will pass in time just hang in there and be strong.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

It will pass in time katie...And you will feel better...The fact that you got better before is proof you can do it again...Try and avoid stress for the time being...I have found stress to be the number 1 trigger for my anxiety and hence my DP....Try and go easy on yourself and try give yourself a break from the chaos that is modern living....Get plenty of rest and sleep if you can too....


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Thanks for your response. Even when I'm anxious there is still this doubt and wtf am I doing here feeling and all this other stuff. But I guess my mind needs time to heal after all the anxiety and stress right ? . I have alot of anxiety yes . Panic attacks were frequently happening leading up to this. So my mind checked out obviously.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Thanks for your response. Even when I'm anxious there is still this doubt and wtf am I doing here feeling and all this other stuff. But I guess my mind needs time to heal after all the anxiety and stress right ? . I have alot of anxiety yes . Panic attacks were frequently happening leading up to this. So my mind checked out obviously.


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