# Can anyone relate to my story?



## ClaireB (Dec 11, 2006)

Hi there, my name is Claire and I come from Leeds, England. I have had episodes of dp a couple of times when i was younger. I went to the doctor and told them that I felt like I was in a 'bubble'. The doctor didn't really know what I was on about and thought it was a bit of stress. Anyway I got over it.

About 7 years later I was at university and wasn't very happy there (came out of a long term relationship and my parents split up). I was drinking a lot (went out drinking about 5 times a week) and smoking and generally not looking after myself. I smoked a bit of weed here and there but was never really into it. One night I smoked some when I was hungover and a passed out. I had only had a couple of drags but I drifted in and out of conciousness for a couple of minutes. After I had some water and some fresh air I was fine.

Soon after this I started having panic attacks. I remember being so scared one night that my mum had to drive 90miles to come and get me and take me home. I then dropped out of uni. After a couple of months I seemed to get better and I made a full recovery. I don't remember how, but I read a book on panic attacks and I eventually stopped being scared of them.

Three years on (i'm now 22) I am ill again. I don't really know where it started. My parents went through a horrible divorce with court cases and was a very difficult time. I was at another university in Leeds and I was AGAIN drinking very heavily and smoking. I started doing cocaine. Don't know why, alchohol just didn't seem to be as effective anymore. One night I couldn't get any so I had an ecstacy pill for the first time.

A week before all this I had been on holiday with my mum in Spain and I started to feel a bit funny. I felt uncomfortable in restaurants and going out. I thought it was a bit of sunstroke and tiredness. Then when we were about to fly back, at the airport, I had a huge panic attack. I had really bad dp then. I tried to ignore that this happened when I got back (hence taking the ectasy pill) but soon after this I was as anxious as ever. I didn't want to be alone. I was tired, panicky and never felt with it. My head felt like it was cotton wool and everything was just not clear.

I went to the doctor who suggested prozac but I refused it. I then went to see psychologists, pshycotherapists etc who said I had anxiety and that thisn feeling of not really being with it had a name - depersonalization. I was so relieved that it had a name and that I wasn't the only one feeling weird. Anyway to cut a very long story short, I started taking prozac and am on the highest dose now. My anxiety symptoms have subsided and the only thing that remains is the dp. I constantly analyse how I am feeling and how the world looks. I touch things to make sure they are real even though I know they are. I say to my self that I am 'apparently' here but I don't feel it. I am constantly light headed and tired and dazed. Some days are worse than others but I am just so tired of it. I want to feel normal again and worry that I am stuck like this.

I know this post is ridiculously long and if anybody does read it, then thankyou and I would love to hear from anybody who can relate to my story. xx


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## Heartbeats (May 23, 2006)

My story is a little different from yours...But I understand how parents problems can affect us...

I just wanted to say that with time you get used to those feelings and after a while you start on a recovery process...it will need time, you need to be patient, there is not a miraculous cure (I think...)

You future is in your hands, the way you're going to do this voyage is your choice...So, just don't give up...
One tip, instead of thinking in your symptoms, and in describing them (I'm not the best example), try to understand what triggered your problem (a shrink is great to do that), try to think on the things that make you feel better...

Wish you the best... :wink:

P.S: Sorry if I didn't help much.. :roll:


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## ClaireB (Dec 11, 2006)

Thankyou for your reply, I appreciate you taking the time to read my story.

I think it was the constant stress that caused the anxiety, then the dp. The plane journey was the trigger I think as I have a bit of a phobia of flying. Because I wasn't taking care of myself and the other stress, my mind and body wasn't strong enough to deal with it so I became ill. I think this happens with most cases of anxiety and dp. There are a lot of stories on this website to do with drugs and our body is not made for these things.

I would be interested to know if anybody was really healthy before the dp started. By this I mean doesn't drink or smoke too much, gets regular sleep, eats correctly and does regular excercise.


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## Heartbeats (May 23, 2006)

My dp wasn't drug-induced...and I didn't drink, smoke, I ate correctly, slept a lot...well, I just didn't do that much exercise...I think that our body is also not made for high doses of stress and anxiety...[/quote]


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## ClaireB (Dec 11, 2006)

Yeah your probably right, our bodies can't cope with it. So how do you reverse it? Do you believe you will be normal again?


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## Heartbeats (May 23, 2006)

I had this for about 5 months now...but better don't count it... :? 
I get scared when people say they lived with it for years---
However, I believe that anyone can get out of this...I have to...
My dp is chronic, however, sometimes I could get some sparks of reality...it's always the same, your vision broadens, you feel your chest warmer, like you are feeling a lot of tenderness, comprehension and plenitude...It's so great...
The only thing and that these eppisodes last for few time...what we have to understand is what made us return to reality...For me, it happened on the day after a muse concert...the night before I jumped, sang, everything...I was feeling very dpd...But I didn't cared..I just expressed what was in my inner layers...
Other times is when I organize my life by solving my problems, by talking to my friends...Trying to solve the root of all this...That's the deal, to find the root of this and to solve it...The problem s if you find or not the real root...

But something, you can get better with time...With time you get to understand yourself better, the world better, despite it doesn't seem leading that way...I'm much better than few months before...Also, dp turns to be more bearable...Of course that there are always some days that you feel really down...but on those days don't think too much about it...better days await us...

And of course, the healthier you are (food, water, exercise) more relieved you'll feel from dp...And don't forget, social interactions are essential...IF you stay all day alone at home you won't solve a thing...Don't think too much about it....about your symptoms...I did it and do that and it is lame...Just think on overcoming it...But I don't know...For good advices, maybe only asking people that have been here for longer time...

I'm sure everything will turn to br alright... :wink:


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## ClaireB (Dec 11, 2006)

I don't think I will have this forever, I think that it is simply an anxiety symptom which gets out of control and if you ignore it and don't give it any credit then eventually it will just fade away.

The key is to act like you did before you had it and not let it stop you doing anything. DP is when we have too much stress and our brain puts up a defence mechanism. We worry about it so much that it gets worse and worse. The worse it gets, the more you worry. I have flashes of reality also. I've only just started to have these though so this is a sign that I must be slowly improving.

One minute I'm positive about it, and the next a worry again that I am stuck like this. I'm sure we arn't, people have recovered so there is no reason to say that we won't. xx


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## Heartbeats (May 23, 2006)

I think that the less we think about it, the best...try to live our lifes as we did...and if we can, do some things differently...Hope, and strenght is all we need...

The only think I've got to learn is to deal with these flutuations...one day I'm better, another I'm worse...but at least it means that it isn't static...

The best for you, :wink:


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