# I need advice/ people relate?



## shelabela (Dec 26, 2014)

Me and my boyfriend have been together more than 3 years, today (valentines day) we agreed to go out to dinner when I got off work, I politely asked for only two things before I left for work: "dress fancy, and don't consume any alcohol". The reason I asked these two things I because he has a history of being stubborn and mean when he drinks. For example, when we had been dating a little more than a year, on new years night, he got super wasted and passed out, my tummy was hurting so I woke him up and asked him if he would lay with me. (here's where I went wrong) I was joking around and dragged him by his feet less than a foot across the floor, he stood up with his eyes still closed and shoved me, I was angry so I pushed him, he proceeded to grab me by my hair and slam me on the ground as hard as he could (he does not remember this night). Instances like this have occurred 3-4 times through our relationship, except one time a few months ago he was sober and we were fighting, I got mad and threw a shoe at him, it missed and hit his favorite guitar, I instantly felt bad, but before I could say anything he punched me in the jaw, it hurt really bad, but it didn't leave a bruise. Anyways, I told him not to drink tonight for valentines day so he wouldn't get aggressive, so I got off work and changed into a dress in the bathroom, I tried calling him several times, but his phone seemed to be dead. I ended up coming home to him drunk hanging out with our roommates. He didn't seem to have any remorse for the fact that he ditched me, he tried to talk to me a little but I was just too upset, so I pushed him away, he told me I was being mean and left "to buy more beer" I am so lost, this relationship on top of my dp, really makes my life super stressful, I wish I could break up with him, but we live together and I can't Break the lease, I wish he could see what he's doing to me and himself, it's horrible.


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## Guest (Feb 15, 2015)

This is a stressful and negative situation your both in and being DP'ed you will find it mega hard to understand and get through this hellish period of your life.

You both sound quite young, you might have to get in touch with someone who can help you, either a family friend or even your GP, so you can get professional help, if that's what you want. You seriously cant keep this up for both of your mental health and stability, you need to take a stand and get this situation sorted, its for your own good.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Your not alone...I suffer from DP and my wife wont give up smoking weed..when she is high she is like a saint...Take weed away from her and she is the most angry aggressive critical person you could meet...It sounds sad but I just want her to be high all the time because i cant cope with her behaviour when she isnt high...Her anger increases my anxiety tenfold...Ive tried telling her this but she just says im being too sensitive and that i need to be a proper man...Its very painful to deal with an addict on top of having anxiety depression and DP


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## newbie101 (Nov 13, 2014)

Dump that piece of shit if he hits you. Please don't be naive...,


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## Sam1814 (Dec 24, 2014)

Screw the lease! This is your SAFETY we're talking about. You're in an abusive relationship. This is domestic violence. Leave, go, run, walk! DP/DR or not, you need to end this. And don't tell me you can't, because if I can do it, so can you. My ex messed up my face so bad I had to take two weeks off of work. I almost didn't survive his attack- LITERALLY.... We shared a lease, two pets, and worked in the same place. Doesn't matter-I left him. And you can too.. To be honest, the emotional and physical abuse you're going through could have caused the DP/DR.


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

I'm going to have to agree with Sam, don't worry about the lease.

If you can find a safe place to stay for awhile until you're back on your feet, it would be incredibly beneficial of you to get rid of this relationship, as soon as you can. It might be difficult at first, so going off of what Goldy said, you should find someone that can help you through this situation and get you to a happier place. Regardless, this is not a good relationship and it's definitely not helping your Depersonalization.

Whatever you do, keep us updated, we're here to support you.

Best of luck.


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## shelabela (Dec 26, 2014)

He's a really sweet guy other than those few times, and we have a lot of fun together. I really love him and, I feel like if he realized how he's drinking too much, that maybe he would stop and we could be happy. I pray for him all the time but he really want to follow the path that the devil wants him to go on.


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

shelabela said:


> He's a really sweet guy other than those few times, and we have a lot of fun together. I really love him and, I feel like if he realized how he's drinking too much, that maybe he would stop and we could be happy. I pray for him all the time but he really want to follow the path that the devil wants him to go on.


If this is what you want, then no one can stop you from doing that.

However, objectively speaking, you can find the qualities you like in your current boyfriend in another guy - someone that won't treat you this way. There's no way to justify him hitting you, drinking, and avoiding your wishes. A relationship is built off of trust, respect, and communication - which he seems to be doing none of from what you've typed. If this is a person that you want to be with, like I said, no one here can stop you. ...but it's important to see the other side of things and how abuse isn't something that's viable in a healthy, strong, and suitable relationship - especially to someone with Depersonalization, such as yourself.


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## Irene (Nov 13, 2014)

He might be the main reason why you are depersonalized.Just something to ponder.


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## Sam1814 (Dec 24, 2014)

God damnit girl. Where do you live? I'm in Florida and I will throw my doors open to get you out of that hell. I've been there!! Mine was sweet too, and if ONLY he had stopped doing cocaine he would have been GREAT... That's what I told myself.. But truth is, that even after you take the highs out of his system, you're still left with a person who put his hands on you after then said they loved you. And if he can't control himself now, what kind of future can you have later?I miss my ex every day. He may have attacked me, but there were good times. Missing someone you loved is just human nature. But the good DOESNT outweigh the bad, after domestic violence occurs.. I'm not ashamed of it. Because I got the hell away from it. I loved him- but what he had for me was not love. Love doesn't hit. Love shouldn't hurt. Take yourself out of the situation, and I think your DP/DR may improve.. Domestic violence is a sure reason for your brain to take the flight or fight attitude, don't you think?


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## shelabela (Dec 26, 2014)

So... I showed him tho post, because I was pissed off and trying to prove a point.. I really hurt him and now I feel horrid, prolly not the best choice I've ever made... I also got crazy upset and squeezed his face and told him I was gonna stab him.. Wow I feel so bad, I never thought things would be like this.


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## PseudoEthical (Jan 2, 2015)

My advice is listen to "Garbage - Nobody Can Win" and "The Cranberries - Daffodil Lament" and then break the lease and leave. Your relationship sounds extremely unhealthy and unsustainable. I hope you feel better.


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

shelabela said:


> So... I showed him tho post, because I was pissed off and trying to prove a point.. I really hurt him and now I feel horrid, prolly not the best choice I've ever made... I also got crazy upset and squeezed his face and told him I was gonna stab him.. Wow I feel so bad, I never thought things would be like this.


Well, what are you considering as your next step?


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## Sam1814 (Dec 24, 2014)

Not trying to be rude here, but what you are doing to him in return is also abuse… You're apparently not the only victim in this situation… Teo wrongs don't make a right.


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## shelabela (Dec 26, 2014)

I don't know the next step, I've never abused or been abused in my life, I grew up in a good Christian home, he was the first person to ever lay hand on me. I guess because of this relationship, I've become abusive.


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## Sa-lB (Jul 16, 2013)

I could have nearly written this myself 3 and a half years ago and an abusive relationship was one of the reasons for my anxiety coming to the surface.

If you ever need somebody to talk to then please feel free to PM me.

I would also like to share this video (it's rather long) but it's a powerful documentary about domestic violence and is based on a true story.


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