# todays dp/dr existential thoughts



## drealove (Oct 15, 2015)

Im in terror that I'm alive&#8230;I open my eyes and I try to understand how I'm able to look out of them. How are these two organs that are literally stuck to meat and bones able to process all of this. It sends signals of fear and frustration down my body. It feels like I live in a virtual world. Like everything I look at is just an image that was created. I don't know why I try to understand how everything was created to such an incredibly deep extent. I try understand how everything and even myself has life&#8230; and my brain doesn't want to stop. I look at the way people interact and I wonder how they aren't thinking what I am. I'm scared because after fully realizing everything i have thought and felt i don't think i could ever go back to being the same person. I feel like my world is not real &#8230; the only thing that somewhat still feels real are my friends and family. The only way I fully keep my sanity is by being around them at all times. I hate the fact that I have to rely on them&#8230;.. it feels as if I have to be held by the hand 24/7. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't understand how it is possible that I can see my own reflection and how I'm just like everyone else. I hate it because when I'm around people I feel like a monster. I feel like that because of all the stuff I have realized about myself, I don't feel normal. I hate how much I try to understand how this world was created everyone says atoms, but from where did they come from? Where did this universe come from? How was god created? Where does this all begin? I feel like I died once I realized this, because I feel like everything is pointless. I question everything so much and how it is made that I just sit in my living room looking at everything as if it was so completely foreign not comprehending how this is even possible. I look at the sky and I feel as if I'm looking at a painting and I analyze the trees and I just can't grasp the fact that I can just see all of it&#8230;. I really feel like everything is just a figment of my imagination, or as if I walked into a television screen and everything is a prop...or maybe that it might just all disappear and vanish before me. I want to dive back into my life but I can't. Everyone I know tells me ill get passed this but I don't see any truth in that. I feel like everyone believes more in me than I believe in myself. I guess I don't know I don't see the point in getting up in the morning, getting dressed, going to work, coming home sometimes I don't even see the point in getting up &#8230;.for all I want to do is just lay in bed and stare at the wall. Not even hanging out or going places anymore, just because this thing called "life" doesn't make sense anymore to me. Interacting with people for the most part seems senseless to me now. I hate it because before all of this everything made sense, felt so real, and most of all everything had a purpose. Now I don't know who I am or where my life is heading. I'm not the strong girl I once thought I was. For even writing these words on my laptop scares me. Ever since this happened I just feel so lonely&#8230;.. I think that's why I feel like I'm the only one alive because I'm the only weirdo in the world who has thought of all this. I just want to wake up in the morning and forget I have ever thought this and continue with my life. People tell me just forget about and continue on with my life, but I can't seem to get passed all of these concepts. For every time I open my eyes it's a constant reminder of what I'm going through. I see my mothers eyes and I feel like I have failed her in life&#8230;. I never want to leave her side&#8230;&#8230; I love her and she's the reason I stay here and around&#8230;.my love for her is the only thing in this cruel world that makes sense. At the end of the day for me to get better is mainly to make my parents proud&#8230;. that's all I have ever wanted. I still can't process the fact that I can see and I don't know if I ever will. That's what hurts me the most is that I will never be able to answer that question. I'll never figure out how we got here and how everything was made, and how we are able to see this universe. I know that we are all the same but I just can't process the fact that every human being is his or her own person that also scares me. But I remember before this I knew that earth was just a place that was able to sustain life, we were created to build and grow. We were born with the necessities in our bodies to be able to survive. But that idea still isn't good enough for me, but what else I'm I asking for what else do I want if I can't even answer my own questions and I can't expect anyone to. The reason I keep moving is because this is everything I know. I still maintain my self because this is all I ever lived and breathed for 21 years. How will I ever live peacefully in a world or place which I no longer understand.


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

Welcome to the forum. I relate to quite a lot of what you say - especially the part about clinging to others to maintain your sanity. It's like they're the only yardstick for knowing what's normal. At least, that's how it feels to me. Feel better soon.


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## jimrod1992 (Oct 4, 2015)

I can totally relate to everything that you are saying. YOU ARE NOT ALONE... you are experiencing DP, as well as Sensorimotor Obsessions... you need to get more in touch with the outside world, and get out of your head. TRUST ME. The only way that you will ever feel better, is to stop questioning everything. By doing this, you are seperating your soul from your body. It sounds strange, but the brain and mind are two seperate entities. By having existential ideations all day long, you are continuously making your mind stop focusing on your surroundings. That results in more DP and accompanying depression....You have a soul, and an earthly body. The reason it feels so strange, is because you are starting to get more touch with your soul... I wonder how my friends and family arent having the same thoughts that I do, but the reason they dont, is because it is far beyond our control. It is not meant to be understood. Let go of these questions, and put your mind on something else. Distract yourself until your brain can heal....God Bless!


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## drealove (Oct 15, 2015)

jimrod1992 said:


> ....You have a soul, and an earthly body. The reason it feels so strange, is because you are starting to get more touch with your soul... I wonder how my friends and family arent having the same thoughts that I do, but the reason they dont, is because it is far beyond our control. It is not meant to be understood. Let go of these questions, and put your mind on something else. Distract yourself until your brain can heal....God Bless!


Wow this was very heart warming you're right! I guess I'm just scared of trying and nothing happening ... But I need to give it a shot!! I have nothing to lose at this point. You're words were very encouraging! Thankyou


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## jimrod1992 (Oct 4, 2015)

No problem


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## b1ack_math (Sep 18, 2015)

You are not alone!! I have same thoughts/feelings for years. Sorry, i don't have any solution yet  But...guys..why there are people like us who were on that side of our brain, not on purpose, but somehow that happens the same way to all of us as i can see from this forum. While 'normal people' can't even imagine what we are trying to say? How's that possible?? Like..for example, friends are always saying something like 'Yeah, i don't know answers to these questions..so whaat?'


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

I have felt all u are describin. And I have also come out of it . Unfortunately I am back in it and have similarities to these thoughts very scarey . U will come out of it . Know that it is dp that has shifted ur perspective. So that's why u think such things .


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## Guest (Nov 14, 2015)

katiej said:


> I have felt all u are describin. And I have also come out of it . Unfortunately I am back in it and have similarities to these thoughts very scarey . U will come out of it . Know that it is dp that has shifted ur perspective. So that's why u think such things .


This is pretty on point, nicely said katiej. Knowing that you will beat it is the first step to recovery, and all of what your symptoms are in the DP/DR realm.


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## Abhishek (Apr 7, 2018)

I know this post is 3 years old but I am going through 101℅ exact same like you 
Well how are you now?
If you are good then please help me


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