# Dissociation? Depression? Dementia?



## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

Hey guys, I know I posted a lot about this but somehow can't still seem to found answers and be able to move on with my life.

I used to always be an anxious person, over sensitive but also empathetic. I used to be able to communicate with people and had this "sense" on them. Since I was 21 (I am 30 now), I went through difficult times, but was able to hold a full time job for 5 years. I was on anxiety pills on and off and used alcohol often as a crutch (for many years prior). Anyway, I left my job to move with my boyfriend to America in sept. 2014, then came back. After all these big changes I felt supposodly fine and started feeling anxiety when I came back home. So I went back on Paxil and right after the 1st or 2nd pill I woke up in a panic attack where I simply couldn't stay in the room and had to go outside (it NEVER happened to me before). When I had panic, it was usually outside, inside was my "safe" place. 
Anyway, I started having racing thoughts, I could HEAR my voice in head, I didn't really know what is happening but it was super scary
I couldn't sleep and was having terrible anxiety and just simply thought I got crazy (I couldn't stop what was happening in my head). I wanted to call myself 911.
After some days of pure terror and insomnia, everything suddendly "turned off" nd I was left feeling disoriented and lost (literally). Like somebody turned a switch off.
I couldnt sleep for more than 2-3 weeks and was send to hospital.
I kinda thought that this is all due o not sleeping and it will get better with some sleep but it wasn't really the case. Now I sleep (i guess) but I never feel refreshed, like I just close my eyes and open them.

Before all this I never questioned my thinking or thr way we think, but this experience left me with questions:

1. Was that some kind of psychosis I was going through? Total mental breakdown so my mind had to shut off?

2. Are we suppose to hear our thoughts, mental chatter? Cause I hear nothing. I can't picture faces, imagine somebody elses voice, hear music, talk to myself... I guess I do have some thoughts, but it's all with no sound, nothing, so I am not really sure.

3. I literally feel disoriented and lost, not only outside but everywhere and everytime, that can't be normal. Even very close to my own house it feels like I don't know what i am suppose to do.

I have many people to support me, family, psychiatrist, therapist, went neurologist, had MRI, CT scan done, but I don't think they can simply imagine how SERIOUS this is. I don't have myself, I have problems to do basic things. Things that I did automatically before (drink, food, going to sleep). I am always exhausted and tired yet I am never really tired ?? Does it make sense?

Sorry for such a long post but I REALLY want to change things about my life, I know this is not me. I lost my empathy, feelings, memories, I don't know what I am thinking, doing, it's like I am not controlling myself (but literally). I just simply don't know what to do.

1. Could be all this caused by combination of anxiety pill and alcohol? Would MRI show anything?

2. Did I have a mental breakdown and dissociated from my own self?

3. Did I completely lost my personality? How is that even possible?

4. How come I can't do things I did easily before? Translating, computer skills, organizing, math problems and many more... I really feels like I am dememted or something.

5. Could the reason be insomnia? (I didn't have sleeping problems before)

Can anybody relate, please? I haven't seen my boyfriend and my dogs in a year as I can't simply travel , I don't know how I would do that. I can't live like this, it is just too painful and I am not able to change things (although I do want to so much). 
Any insights would be appreciated.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

*can't seem to find


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## mezona (Sep 4, 2015)

I also wanted to mention that I constantly feel fatiqued, like I am about to faint, I think it's due to the fact that I don't sleep in the "mode" as I suppose to. I can barely do anything physically. (I wasn't a super energetic person to start with but this is beyond anything). How come is that? Please help


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## ToTo (Oct 6, 2015)

I can relate to everything you've mentioned. My dp is also physical. If I have my cognitive abilities, concentration and physical coordination back, I wouldn't give a damn about dp and feeling like I'm stuck in a dream. This was my situation when first dp started. But when it became physical, that's when the real hell began. I stopped going to work. Not because I want to, but because I can't do anything that requires mental and physical skills. I'm not talking about gymnastics here. Just standing exhausts me. There's no symptom you've mentioned that I don't have. I feel like a 28 years old that is stuck in an 80 years old body. I don't know what's wrong with me too. Spent about 7000$ on hospitals and nothing is out of ordinary.


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## ToTo (Oct 6, 2015)

Check this post out

http://www.steadyhealth.com/topics/pressure-in-head-very-heavy-body-balance-problems-weakness-in-limbs-undiagnosed-help

These are the same physical symptoms I suffer from, with no clear explanation of what is causing them. I almost bet that my dp is a symptom of something organically wrong going on. Because I got fully cured after a tooth extraction that was causing sinus complications. I feel the pain and feel there's something physically wrong but don't know how to fix it, cause I haven't been diagnosed yet by what they call themselves "medical professionals"

If you found out what's causing your physical symptoms, please write a post about it.


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## KJames (Feb 29, 2016)

Wish I had resisted following that last link....Now I'm convinced I have tumors behind my ears. Damn Health anxiety.


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## Mr confused (Apr 8, 2016)

this is dp all the symptoms you described match up perfectly


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