# Suicide



## Quifouett (Sep 13, 2011)

I would like to see some testimony of people that where seriously close to commit suicide and what made you change your mind. Or did you go to the hospital and how it went.

I had DP for 6 months now and everyday I keep telling myself "I have enough of this shit and I must go to the hospital and ask for help while I still can" even if I know they won't be able to do much. I have a feeling that I would feel safer just being there.

Please don't post stuff like: don't do it or there is hope... I want testimonies.

Thanks


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Felt like doing it for 3 to 5 years, I tried twice, scared the hell out of me. I don't feel the need or urge to act on it anymore. Feeling suicidal *is* a short term feeling, it *will* go away, even though i know it feels like it never will. If you ever think you'll act on it, **please** tell someone, 800 448 3000 is a good place to call, if you don't have anyone else


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## Quifouett (Sep 13, 2011)

Thanks for sharing

I won't commit suicide right now since I'm too weak for that but every night I go to bed and wish that I won't wake up wich I think is not a good sign.

Please continu with the stories.


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Hmmmm, don't know how close I have been to actually acting on it. But I have certainly felt like I needed to have my hands tied behind my back for a few days.

Also, feeling like I literally had to jump out the window to end the suffering, that was at the very worst.

In terms of controlling it I have just found things i want to accomplish before I die, and started working on them. As for the hospital, it made me feel safe when I went. I had my own guard which was dope. It just meant I wasn't gonna off myself so there was some stress taken off. still felt pretty shitty.


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## Walkingzombie (Jul 7, 2011)

I actually tried a couple of months ago. Snorted 50 Ritalin. All it made me feel was high. I'm still fairly suicidal, but I'm not going to act on it any time soon. I'm living my life soley for my mom who has put everything into helping my recovery. Sadly her love and devotion can't cure me because if it could I would have been cured months ago.


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## SSJ3Lotokun (Nov 21, 2011)

I've had suicidal thoughts pretty much every day for a very long time. I'm so used to it at this point that I usually just shrug them off, but some bad days the feeling comes fairly strong. There are a number of things that keep me currently above the green.

1. No access to firearms or anything immediately lethal - I have very few options if I wanted to die right now, and most of the methods I would currently have access to have a higher chance of failure than I would like.

2. The consequences of a failed attempt would likely make my life a lot more difficult. I'd miss work (and likely lose my job), probably spend time in a mental hospital, and it would create tensions in my relationship with friends and family. Not to mention the stress of people hovering over me when I wanted to be left alone. these are all things I wouldn't want to deal with if I survived. This is actually a much greater fear to me than dying is (got over my fear of death years ago).

3. My companion - as cliche as it is,she'd be lost without me, and my sudden death (if I were successful) would make her life more difficult than it needed to be for a very long time. If I had my heart set on offing myself I'd likely break up with her and let her get her life together before I went through with it. This is silly since I'd be dead so it wouldn't matter, but I'm not completely incapable of empathy.

Hunter S. Thompson was once quoted as saying that he'd feel "trapped" if he didn't have the freedom to kill himself at any moment. I guess this quote sort of resonates with me, as I've always felt like my consciousness is trapped inside a body. It gets horrifically claustrophobic sometimes, and I occasionally feel like death might be the only way out of it. I'd prefer if I didn't have to kill myself actually, sometimes I want to just "will myself out of existence" and other times I just hope to die peacefully in my sleep.

Of course I haven't shared any of this with anybody. Until typing all this out just now all these ideas existed inside my head and nowhere else.

I have been taking steps towards being more positive, and trying to keep myself occupied with things. One of those things is trying to defeat (or at least learn to make peace with) depersonalization, and this forum has been a great help in leading me in the right direction. I hope for the day that I don't have a suicidal thought ever again, but in the meantime I'm doing my best to remain strong for the sake of everyone else in my life.


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## birdiehead (Apr 19, 2010)

ive had dpd for 18 years. i'm close now to commiting suicide everyday now. dont have a gun so i dont know how to do it. too afraid to jump off a bridge or in front of a train. i wanna go in peace but most likely pills wont work. now i do a lot of street drugs hoping someting bad will happen. i'm at the end of my rope. ready to die but still scared shitless to actually die if that makes sense.


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

Quifouett said:


> I would like to see some testimony of people that where seriously close to commit suicide and what made you change your mind. Or did you go to the hospital and how it went.
> 
> I had DP for 6 months now and everyday I keep telling myself "I have enough of this shit and I must go to the hospital and ask for help while I still can" even if I know they won't be able to do much. I have a feeling that I would feel safer just being there.
> 
> ...


I really think you should go to the hospital. It would DEFINITELY help you feel safe and more secure. Not every doctor is incompetent about DP. You never know...you may meet a doctor in the hospital who might actually know and GASP...have treated others with it. Please go.

You already have read my story about how I recovered while I was in the hospital. I have always done better in hospital settings, but that is just me.

We are here for you.


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## Chris P Bacon (May 31, 2011)

Gotta be honest and say that I've never ever had thoughts about killing myself to be honest. I guess my dp/dr musn't be as intense as a lot of people on here. I got mine through anxiety though, so don't know if that counts as having dpd.


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

'Quifouett' said:


> I would like to see some testimony of people that where seriously close to commit suicide and what made you change your mind. Or did you go to the hospital and how it went.
> 
> I had DP for 6 months now and everyday I keep telling myself "I have enough of this shit and I must go to the hospital and ask for help while I still can" even if I know they won't be able to do much. I have a feeling that I would feel safer just being there.
> 
> ...


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

birdiehead said:


> ive had dpd for 18 years. i'm close now to commiting suicide everyday now. dont have a gun so i dont know how to do it. too afraid to jump off a bridge or in front of a train. i wanna go in peace but most likely pills wont work. now i do a lot of street drugs hoping someting bad will happen. i'm at the end of my rope. ready to die but still scared shitless to actually die if that makes sense.


I'm sorry to hear your going through such hard times, however street drugs can only make you worse. My advice would be to stop anything like that and get back on a healthy lifestyle.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Anyone who feels suicidal, please
let your dr know, let someone know, don't brush it off as sometiing little, even if you think you won't do it , please let someone know. It doesn't mean you need a dr or treatment right away , but just let someone else be aware of it.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Ive had the idea of suicide pop into mind every once in awhile I'll admit, but it isnt something that I want to do and I would never do it. I even told that to a doctor and she said yeah your definitely not suicidal.


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

kate_edwin said:


> Anyone who feels suicidal, please
> let your dr know, let someone know, don't brush it off as sometiing little, even if you think you won't do it , please let someone know. It doesn't mean you need a dr or treatment right away , but just let someone else be aware of it.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Feeling suicidal is not something you should keep to yourself or stuff inside, let someone know


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

get back to the game everyone.


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