# I Had A Nervous Breakdown (Wish Me Luck)



## staples (Apr 1, 2009)

Well after two years of this distressful DP/DR and anxiety, I finally had a nervous breakdown at the age of 24. I was battling with my psychiatrist to find a medication that would at least try to lessen the persistent feelings of spaciness and the dream-like state (I've been on 10 different medications within 2 years). I ended up having a major panic attack that put me into a great deal of depression last week. I guess the constant worry, obsession, and ruminative thoughts about if I'll ever find relief from this torture just sent me over the edge. I haven't eaten much in the past week and I'm down about 12 pounds. My mother has never seen me this way, so she was extremely worried to say the least. I finally opened up to her and told her everything that was going on, and what Depersonalization and Derealization meant, how dreadful it was, how depressed I was, and how I felt like I was in this pit that I'll never be able to come out of.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to be doing extensive outpatient therapy, Monday - Friday for the next 2 - 3 weeks depending on how severe my symptoms turn out to be (we'll say 3 weeks lol). It's group-therapy, which causes me an uneasiness but I guess it just goes along with the anxiety and the whole atmosphere of CBT's approach. I figure, hey, maybe I'll find someone else who's suffering from the same exact disorder as me (fingers crossed)! I tried the whole talk therapy, that didn't seem to help the anxiety for me.

They say that even if one has Depersonalization Disorder, it's considered an obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorder in many of us. CBT and Acceptance used together can hopefully defeat this burden. Also, a study was done that was mentioned in Jeffrey Abugel's latest book "Stranger To My Self" (which is definitely a recommended read!). A group of 20 some patients that fit the criteria for Depersonalization Disorder were given on average, 12 sessions of CBT, and after those sessions, about 30% no longer even met the symptoms for DPD. It didn't mention slight improvement (which slight is better then nothing) or none at all, so the other 70%, who knows?

Wish me luck, I'll be letting everyone know how everything goes and I'll keep editing this thread weekly.


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## Guest (May 4, 2011)

Do you know what triggered your DP/DR to start with?

You are definitely a strong person to have kept this from your mom for 2 years.

We can't do it alone. We need a lifeline and am happy to hear you are doing group therapy soon. I have not tried CBT yet..so will be interested to see how you do

Good luck and please keep us posted.


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## staples (Apr 1, 2009)

I wish I honestly knew what triggered it. I had verbal abuse throughout my childhood, but never dissociated due to it. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer in '04 that gave a good grounds for starters. I guess work, family, what I'm going to do with my life and the anxiety of moving out and becoming 100% independent all had me stressed. The first time I dissociated was in '08 and lasted for 2 weeks. A year later I dissociated consistently up to now. Maybe it's anxiety fueling the fear, or something else. I can say I did have forms of OCD throughout childhood. Even today I'll double and triple check if I locked the doors.

I will definetly keep everyone posted.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

staples said:


> I wish I honestly knew what triggered it. I had verbal abuse throughout my childhood, but never dissociated due to it. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer in '04 that gave a good grounds for starters. I guess work, family, what I'm going to do with my life and the anxiety of moving out and becoming 100% independent all had me stressed. The first time I dissociated was in '08 and lasted for 2 weeks. A year later I dissociated consistently up to now. Maybe it's anxiety fueling the fear, or something else. I can say I did have forms of OCD throughout childhood. Even today I'll double and triple check if I locked the doors.
> 
> I will definetly keep everyone posted.


Yes, wish you success!

You mentioned you have tried a lot of meds. What are you taking currently?


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## staples (Apr 1, 2009)

Visual Dude said:


> Yes, wish you success!
> 
> You mentioned you have tried a lot of meds. What are you taking currently?


Right now, I went back on Cymbalta as of yesterday. I've been on Zoloft, Paxil CR, Effexor XR, Pristiq, Cymbalta, Lamictal (as a combo), Luvox CR, Lexapro, and Celexa. Out of these I'm sure I didn't give them enough chance for all of them to work. I'm very sensitive to medication side effects which doesn't seem to help either.


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## staples (Apr 1, 2009)

Update: Go figure the doctors weren't too familiar with Depersonalization as a disorder in its own right. The fluorescent lighting made everything worse and I just feel like I'm on automation right now. My memory is absolutely screwed and I'm 10/10 detached. My eyes are very sensitive and I have to wear sunglasses just to be able to some what focus.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

staples said:


> Update: Go figure the doctors weren't too familiar with Depersonalization as a disorder in its own right. The fluorescent lighting made everything worse and I just feel like I'm on automation right now. My memory is absolutely screwed and I'm 10/10 detached. My eyes are very sensitive and I have to wear sunglasses just to be able to some what focus.


Re: Dopamine

It seems that the serotonin and norepinephrine stuff tends to make things worse. Too bad Wellbutrin was rough (norepinephrine) since it is the only dopamine boosting thing you have tried.

Have you tried Selegiline? It is very mild. There is a patch out now that is used mainly for depression (and, of course, $$$ since Selegiline is dirt-cheap).

Some expressed help from Adderall. I haven't tried it but it boosts dopamine somewhat.

The hallmark booster is carbidopa/levodopa (Sinemet) - but it would take a 'creative' doctors to try this for you. I find low dosages help visual disturbances as well both calming and emotionally stabilizing. One thing helped with vision was sensitivity, but this was further helped with Gabapentin.

You mention restless leg - there are a couple dopamine (D3 agonists) meds out there. I've tried Requip and it definitely affected vision but not as good as Sinemet. And the XL is too strong. Some doctors will prescribe Sinemet for RLS.

Was wondering if you could describe your visual disturbances in more detail? (sounds like sensitivity and slightly drunk like)


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