# Recovered after 6+ months - Citalopram and Mirtazapine



## anotheranon (Feb 5, 2015)

So I used to read these forums a lot for advice while seeking help for dp last year, and now that I'm doing so much better I thought I'd share my recovery story.

I recovered from over six months of more or less non-stop depersonalisation (feeling "unreal," feelings of surreality, feeling like I was constantly "floating" or instable). I recovered from dp basically entirely by being medicated with mirtazapine. Time may have also played a factor.

I started developing dp simultaneously with developing panic disorder last fall. I had multiple panic attacks a day for months, which were probably largely causing my dp. Regardless, having dp made me even MORE anxious and afraid which led to more anxiety and more dp - I think this is a common cycle.

*What didn't work for me:*


exercise. I exercised for 1-2 hours a day, every day, for a couple of months and then 2-3 times a week for another couple of months with absolutely no improvement. If anything, it got worse.
yoga. I tried both classes and privately in my own home. No improvement whatsoever.
"natural" remedies like St. John's Wort supplements, herbal teas, vitamin and mineral supplements, dietary changes
relaxation music, deep breathing exercises, or mindfulness
acupuncture. I did their starting 10 sessions and then a handful more without noticing any improvement.
self help literature. I scoured my library, I bought books, I read everything I could find online, including books and techniques recommended by healthcare
the "Linden method" did absolutely nothing, I'm extremely glad I didn't spend any money on it. If you really want to try a self-help plan, I personally feel you can find better self-help for free online.

Please note I do not mean to discount any of these methods entirely, they simply did NOTHING for me personally. Other people may have had success with them and you might, as well. But seeing many self-help forums and articles listing these kinds of treatments and then NONE of them working for me was devastating, so I wanted to post this to reach those in a similar situation: you CAN improve your quality of life and get better.

*What helped me recover:*


mirtazapine (aka Avanza, Axit, Mirtaz, Mirtazon, Remeron, Zispin) 30mg
citalopram (aka Celexa, Cipramil) 30mg
therapy with the right psychologist
not "forcing" myself

If I'm going to be brutally honest it was 90% medication. I am not suggesting everyone run out and get the same prescription I had - medication should be carefully and individually selected for you by an experienced professional, with your consent and understanding.

I didn't ask for any medication for months while suffering from dp and panic disorder because, well, quite frankly, I was terrified of the side effects. I had so much anxiety and everything made me nervous. I also didn't think antidepressants would help at all, since I had far more problems with panic attacks and anxiety than depression. I wasted months suffering and honestly if I could go back I would have requested meds right away. The change was like night and day. After a couple weeks on the SSRI citalopram (30mg) I stopped having full-symptom panic attacks. Unfortunately I still had feelings of depersonalization at that time, though they were somewhat milder.

When I finally got to see a psychiatric specialist doctor ca 8 months after developing panic attacks and dp, I was given mirtazapine, which is a tetracyclical NaSSA, at a dose of 30mg. The psychiatrist selected mirtazapine for me due to my serious trouble sleeping, anxiety and depressive symptoms. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and moderate depression (on a scale of mild, moderate, and severe). The mirtazapine has seriously done miracles for me. I was slightly underweight when I started it and have put on a "normal" amount of weight since. Unfortunately the increased weight has given my small frame stretch marks, but luckily this is really the only side effect I have had. I am pretty sedated in the mornings but I prefer it to daily panic attacks and constant dp and severe anxiety. My dp disappeared entirely after a few weeks on mirtazapine. I only very occasionally get a brief, fleeting "dp" sensation now, maybe for 1 min every two weeks or so. Which is frankly amazing to me. I have only had a handful of partial-symptom panic attacks this past year.

Therapy helped calm me, but only with the right therapist. The first made me feel so much worse. I requested a change, and got to see a wonderful psychologist who helped me deal with my dp and not treat it like such a huge deal. Seeing him did not make me have less panic attacks or reduce my dp, but it helped me deal with the emotional side effects of having dp and panic attacks.

My advice is to seek health care, and do NOT let them brush you aside. I was treated with an attitude like "yeah yeah, whatever, big deal" until my symptoms got so bad that I nearly attempted suicide. I just couldn't stand the constant panic attacks and dp. Then I suddenly got taken seriously by psychiatry and received proper care. Be firm and don't let them brush you aside. Ask if medication is an option and what they would recommend.

I recognize meds aren't always an option for everyone, but if you're a long-time sufferer or feel like you've tried everything, I would absolutely recommend speaking to a psychiatric specialist about starting or changing your medication.

Oh, and you're not "going insane" or losing your mind. I was terrified of this all throughout my dp, and my psychologist and doctors told me this is apparently a very common fear among dp and panic attack sufferers. (If you do suffer hallucinations or have a psychosis, medication is extremely helpful in most patients. Even if your dp is tied to a serious mental illness, you can get help for it! Don't give up.)

Be careful about researching online. It's easy to get swept up in a sea of horror stories of meds and illnesses gone awry: remember, people who recover or are helped usually don't sit around posting it to forums - they're feeling better and go on with their lives. It's the horror stories that end up being all the hits. Try to focus on recovery stories like this forum if you must research. This is also why I thought I'd contribute here - we need more recovery stories!).

What I mean with "not forcing myself:" personally I felt worse, more depressed, more anxious and more depersonalized the more I "forced" myself to do things. I forced myself to work (to be fair I was flat broke and really had no other recourse, but I should have sought financial aid instead) and my symptoms grew worse and worse. I "forced" myself into trying to act like I was fine around others - with the result that I was locking myself in bathrooms several times a day having crying spells from the stress of keeping up appearances. If you're able to work or go to school, and you find fullfillment in it, by all means, continue, of course. But if your symptoms are worsening, don't think that ignoring them or acting like everything's fine will somehow trick your brain into thinking everything is okay. You may be suffering these symptoms from a chemical deficiency in your brain and no amount of acting will change that. At least it didn't for me. Seek help and make sure to let your health care practitioners know how it's affecting your ability to function, if it is. Take it slow and don't rush yourself. This was basically not possible due to my financial situation at the time but if you are at all able, take time off to recover. Try to engage in things you generally enjoy, even if it's just a little at a time.

I hope this can be of help to someone!


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## Guest (Feb 6, 2015)

So great to hear, congratulations! Thanks for coming by to post your experience. You made a lot of great points.


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## anotheranon (Feb 5, 2015)

Thank you, Selig! I'm glad to post and hope it can be of help to someone.


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## newbie101 (Nov 13, 2014)

Congrats


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## anotheranon (Feb 5, 2015)

Thanks


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## BadVoodoo (Dec 23, 2014)

Ugh, iv been making improvements over the last few months after 6 years of pretending like DP wasn't there. However I feel like I'm stuck now. Only like 3 of my closest friends know I have it but they don't really understand what it's like (I wouldn't expect them to) I feel like I need to go talk to someone about it but I don't want to get kicked out of the military because of the possibility of being deemed unfit for service... Oh decisions decisions.


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## dppara (Dec 17, 2014)

I'm on cymbalta and now thinking about switching to mirtazepine+bupropion because of the sexual side effects.


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