# Please read and comment i need advice im desperate ):



## mylyfewithdp (6 mo ago)

Hello everyone my name is lavelle ill start of by telling you guys how i got it i was fifteen and i got into smoking weed and was hiding it from my parents up untill the day my dad found out then my started getting me weed from the dispensaries because he didint want me to get it on the streets so one day i wanted to try an edible so i asked him and he went and got it for me and it was a brownie right when he got it for me i was so excited to try it because ive never tried a edible before and was hoping to get stoned and enjoy my experience so i broke of a piece and ate it and i waited like 30 minutes and i didint feel anything so i ate some more of the brownie this was a big mistake i took it later in the day so it was starting to get dark out and my dad put on a movie halfway through the movie things started to get weird i started to feel like i was in the movie and started feeling very drowsy but not in a good way i wasint feeling so good so i decided to cut the movie short and go to sleep but the sleep didint help when i woke up i still felt very wierd but i thought it would go away quick so i continued to smoke with my friends and one day i decided to sneak into my brothers roomates room and steal his edible he had and me and my friend split it my friend went home and i started tripping balls i remeber calling my dad asking him to come and pick me up from my moms because i felt like i was dying and i black out in his car and when i woke up i was on his couch this is when the dpdr started i started to feel out of my body 247 and really paranoid even when i didn't smoke and racing thoughts and a whole bunch of other symptoms its been like 7 years im 23 now and i still feel it i dont really know if its gotten better i just feel numb and like im becoming numb to the dpdr ive been to mental hospitals ad tried all different types of meds any advice would help and encouraging words would be great thanks guys.


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

I still smoke even though I have dp. But should we be labeling our experience as that? Should we be calling it disassociating, which implies something has been disconnected? Disconnected implies something we don’t have and want back. But is that the right outlook? No. Fuck it. Don’t put any effort into fixing whatever you’d like to call it. Fix real things. Fix your own confusion and sorrows in life


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

mylyfewithdp said:


> Hello everyone my name is lavelle ill start of by telling you guys how i got it i was fifteen and i got into smoking weed and was hiding it from my parents up untill the day my dad found out then my started getting me weed from the dispensaries because he didint want me to get it on the streets so one day i wanted to try an edible so i asked him and he went and got it for me and it was a brownie right when he got it for me i was so excited to try it because ive never tried a edible before and was hoping to get stoned and enjoy my experience so i broke of a piece and ate it and i waited like 30 minutes and i didint feel anything so i ate some more of the brownie this was a big mistake i took it later in the day so it was starting to get dark out and my dad put on a movie halfway through the movie things started to get weird i started to feel like i was in the movie and started feeling very drowsy but not in a good way i wasint feeling so good so i decided to cut the movie short and go to sleep but the sleep didint help when i woke up i still felt very wierd but i thought it would go away quick so i continued to smoke with my friends and one day i decided to sneak into my brothers roomates room and steal his edible he had and me and my friend split it my friend went home and i started tripping balls i remeber calling my dad asking him to come and pick me up from my moms because i felt like i was dying and i black out in his car and when i woke up i was on his couch this is when the dpdr started i started to feel out of my body 247 and really paranoid even when i didn't smoke and racing thoughts and a whole bunch of other symptoms its been like 7 years im 23 now and i still feel it i dont really know if its gotten better i just feel numb and like im becoming numb to the dpdr ive been to mental hospitals ad tried all different types of meds any advice would help and encouraging words would be great thanks guys.


I have to say...this is different than my experience. Marijuana is not likely to cause mental illness and in fact helps me tremendously. It helps reconnect me to my body and makes me feel less anxious. My guess is that from the get go, you were self medicating for symptoms you didn't really understand or were not aware of because at such a young age, reality and identity are naturally more fluid.


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## NoDevils (6 mo ago)

Hello. You are absolutely right about your experience with marijuana. Do not listen to these ideological idiots. You should significantly reduce or eliminate your consumption of marijuana seeing as you are one of the people who reacts poorly to it.


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

coolwhip27 said:


> I still smoke even though I have dp. But should we be labeling our experience as that? Should we be calling it disassociating, which implies something has been disconnected? Disconnected implies something we don’t have and want back. But is that the right outlook? No. Fuck it. Don’t put any effort into fixing whatever you’d like to call it. Fix real things. Fix your own confusion and sorrows in life


Be careful. I know where these things come from, these teachings can be good for some things, or when looked at from a certain angle, but they can also be used to manipulate. I've been in a buddhist cult for some years and this kind of "non-duality" stuff was used to deconstruct what they didn't like (like criticism) and make their teachings more "mysterious" than they really were. The other kind of trap is that it can be used by yourself to deconstruct everything you don't like either and validate your own experiences. It can just be yet an other ego trap, people think they are deconstructing something but they are just building their own ego under a new name. Somehow we always apply this non-duality thing where it suits us, and then we believe we know everthing better than others because we have special experiences, "if only they mediated like us, or read this or that...". Really, I don't think it is that powerful. I have been there very intensely for 6 years and read many things as well, with the proselytism and everything.


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Trith said:


> Be careful. I know where these things come from, these teachings can be good for some things, or when looked at from a certain angle, but they can also be used to manipulate. I've been in a buddhist cult for some years and this kind of "non-duality" stuff was used to deconstruct what they didn't like (like criticism) and make their teachings more "mysterious" than they really were. The other kind of trap is that it can be used by yourself to deconstruct everything you don't like either and validate your own experiences. It can just be yet an other ego trap, people think they are deconstructing something but they are just building their own ego under a new name. Somehow we always apply this non-duality thing where it suits us, and then we believe we know everthing better than others because we have special experiences, "if only they mediated like us, or read this or that...". Really, I don't think it is that powerful. I have been there very intensely for 6 years and read many things as well, with the proselytism and everything.


Well it’s a good thing then that I’m not here trying to convert anybody to anything isn’t it? Because what I said had nothing to do with Buddhism, non duality, or cult-like mentalities. I think what would be dangerous is if someone believes there is something so wrong with them (disassociation) that they go into a state of withdrawal from life in order to spend countless time researching and trying to figure out what other people have said about medicines and methods to fix what they think is wrong. Everybody has to be a light to themselves, or else they have no light at all. That in of itself is an idea which can be remembered. But if you watch whats happening inside yourself in real-time, then it’s a fact


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Trith said:


> Be careful. I know where these things come from, these teachings can be good for some things, or when looked at from a certain angle, but they can also be used to manipulate. I've been in a buddhist cult for some years and this kind of "non-duality" stuff was used to deconstruct what they didn't like (like criticism) and make their teachings more "mysterious" than they really were. The other kind of trap is that it can be used by yourself to deconstruct everything you don't like either and validate your own experiences. It can just be yet an other ego trap, people think they are deconstructing something but they are just building their own ego under a new name. Somehow we always apply this non-duality thing where it suits us, and then we believe we know everthing better than others because we have special experiences, "if only they mediated like us, or read this or that...". Really, I don't think it is that powerful. I have been there very intensely for 6 years and read many things as well, with the proselytism and everything.


And also, i am not sure you are making any real sense when talking about non-duality. You are discarding it as a concept? Because non-duality as a concept can be used to manipulate people? I don’t think “non-duality” itself, which carries the meaning that it does, has anything to do with manipulation. Because, couldn’t you say the same thing about duality too? Like all the religions with gods and saviors who they tell us we should all be dependent on? So what weight does your opinion about an idea carry? All I see is somebody making a very subjective observation and generalization about an idea, which is based on their past experiences


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

coolwhip27 said:


> And also, i am not sure you are making any real sense when talking about non-duality. You are discarding it as a concept? Because non-duality as a concept can be used to manipulate people? I don’t think “non-duality” itself, which carries the meaning that it does, has anything to do with manipulation. Because, couldn’t you say the same thing about duality too? Like all the religions with gods and saviors who they tell us we should all be dependent on? So what weight does your opinion about an idea carry? All I see is somebody making a very subjective observation and generalization about an idea, which is based on their past experiences


The idea of non-duality as it is usually presented is used as a tool to deconstruct things. It is used to question feelings of identification with some things and separation with other things. It can be a good thing to study these things, but it can also be used to undermine criticism. Like if someone says "I don't like that the guru does this or that", then people will say "this is your ego defending itself". Trying to make one with the guru is literally part of the buddhist teachings and part of the practice of guru yoga in tibetan buddhism. Making one with the guru is equated with dropping resistance and dropping criticism. This is part of the "samaya" vow, for example, vowing to never criticize the guru or the teachings.
In the cult where I was, non-duality was used to undermine the concept of right and wrong, and being beyond right and wrong was regarded as a very enlightened quality. At the level I was it was still quite mild, but at a higher level, in different circles it had been used to condone physical violence from the guru, like punching people, kicking them while they were on the ground, torturing animals. There were several testimonies from different people, and the current guru had to leave the country but still has followers. I have met people who told me they received punches to the face from the previous guru and took it as a sign of "compassionate anger" meant to help them on the way to enlightenment.
The followers who stayed there are mainly separated into two categories. Those who didn't experience the manipulation first hand during their first years, and don't belive the acts of violence were possible, or that they were just mistakes because there are totally incompatible with their nice experience during their first years in the organisation. And there is the group of those who think they are advanced enough that they can see the enlightenment through these acts. The problem with the second group is that whatever criticism they receive, they think that those who criticize simply don't have the same realization as them and this is why they don't understand the teachings "properly" like them. This is why it's a trap, because each person makes their own version of what the path of enlightenment is, and obviously it's where they are and not others, and they use this just to validate their own position even more.
You could think it's an isolated cult, but take one guru like Sogyal Rinpoche, he was seen punching a nun in the stomach during a public representation, later women accused him of sexual assault, in a close circle he was beating people, shouting at them, making women wipe his ass (I mean literally). You could think anybody with common sense would regard him as a fraud, and yet after his death he was incensed by other very famous official masters for being very enlightened. To me this is one possible result of that kind of deconstruction when it is used to manipulate.
In the cult where I was, the most serious signs of manipulation I started to notice was when they asked us to meditate on our resistance against what the guru could be saying or doing (that was before the testimonies about him came out and most people were not yet aware of what he was doing). They made us meditate on our criticism and resistance, just to make it evaporate, to dissolve it as we usually do when we meditate. A lot of people didn't see any problem with that because they had already been regarding anger as something only negative that impedes proper judgement. But when their anger was gone they dropped the criticism and they followed him. If the answer to a question bothers you, just deconstruct the question itself on the ground it is made of concepts and is based on duality.
I don't think buddhism and meditation are equated with manipulation, but it is a very good toolbox for those who want to manipulate others or themselves. Also the fact that the buddhist concepts are often blurry helps to defend them as people often slightly adjust the definition to their needs and to the context and regard others are not advanced enough on the path if they disagree with that definition.


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Trith said:


> The idea of non-duality as it is usually presented is used as a tool to deconstruct things. It is used to question feelings of identification with some things and separation with other things. It can be a good thing to study these things, but it can also be used to undermine criticism. Like if someone says "I don't like that the guru does this or that", then people will say "this is your ego defending itself". Trying to make one with the guru is literally part of the buddhist teachings and part of the practice of guru yoga in tibetan buddhism. Making one with the guru is equated with dropping resistance and dropping criticism. This is part of the "samaya" vow, for example, vowing to never criticize the guru or the teachings.
> In the cult where I was, non-duality was used to undermine the concept of right and wrong, and being beyond right and wrong was regarded as a very enlightened quality. At the level I was it was still quite mild, but at a higher level, in different circles it had been used to condone physical violence from the guru, like punching people, kicking them while they were on the ground, torturing animals. There were several testimonies from different people, and the current guru had to leave the country but still has followers. I have met people who told me they received punches to the face from the previous guru and took it as a sign of "compassionate anger" meant to help them on the way to enlightenment.
> The followers who stayed there are mainly separated into two categories. Those who didn't experience the manipulation first hand during their first years, and don't belive the acts of violence were possible, or that they were just mistakes because there are totally incompatible with their nice experience during their first years in the organisation. And there is the group of those who think they are advanced enough that they can see the enlightenment through these acts. The problem with the second group is that whatever criticism they receive, they think that those who criticize simply don't have the same realization as them and this is why they don't understand the teachings "properly" like them. This is why it's a trap, because each person makes their own version of what the path of enlightenment is, and obviously it's where they are and not others, and they use this just to validate their own position even more.
> You could think it's an isolated cult, but take one guru like Sogyal Rinpoche, he was seen punching a nun in the stomach during a public representation, later women accused him of sexual assault, in a close circle he was beating people, shouting at them, making women wipe his ass (I mean literally). You could think anybody with common sense would regard him as a fraud, and yet after his death he was incensed by other very famous official masters for being very enlightened. To me this is one possible result of that kind of deconstruction when it is used to manipulate.
> ...


Those cultists sound stupid and confused of course. But any idea used on the grounds of organizing truth (like religion does) is manipulative. Your experience says a lot more about Buddhism then it does anything else. As far as ideas like non-duality being used to “deconstruct” things to your own personal liking, I’m not convinced that it’s exclusive to non-duality. Because there have been a lot of what you described, all over the place.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

NoDevils said:


> Hello. You are absolutely right about your experience with marijuana. Do not listen to these ideological idiots. You should significantly reduce or eliminate your consumption of marijuana seeing as you are one of the people who reacts poorly to it.


Why? because you say so? What data do you have to support your conclusions? Or are they based on propaganda, fear based and meant to control you? I can name MANY scinetific studies with documented data to support that physiological fact that marijuana is a medicine. In fact, psylocibin has been legalized for medical use.
You don't have to listen to me or anybody else but beware triose who cannot support their loudly shouted claims.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> Those cultists sound stupid and confused of course. But any idea used on the grounds of organizing truth (like religion does) is manipulative. Your experience says a lot more about Buddhism then it does anything else. As far as ideas like non-duality being used to “deconstruct” things to your own personal liking, I’m not convinced that it’s exclusive to non-duality. Because there have been a lot of what you described, all over the place.


Buddhism is not a religion. Any bone who says it is a religion is clueless.


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

softconfessions said:


> Buddhism is not a religion. Any bone who says it is a religion is clueless.


So, another odd claim without any explanation. How mysterious Buddhism must be. To have both a belief system and followers, while simultaneously not being a religion. Even though Buddhism being a religion is a fact. Lol


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> So, another odd claim without any explanation. How mysterious Buddhism must be. To have both a belief system and followers, while simultaneously not being a religion. Even though Buddhism being a religion is a fact. Lol


Lord Buddha is a term of respect. There is no deity in Buddhism. Buddhism is a school of philosophy and life.
Technically it would be agnosticism 
But it is a school of successful behavior


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> Lord Buddha is a term of respect. There is no deity in Buddhism. Buddhism is a school of philosophy and life.
> Technically it would be agnosticism
> But it is a school of successful behavior


Your analogy is idiotic. Every craze has followers. Even a dance craze.
Perhaps if you used actual information and not your own uneducated deductions, the segue would manifest


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

softconfessions said:


> Your analogy is idiotic. Every craze has followers. Even a dance craze.
> Perhaps if you used actual information and not your own uneducated deductions, the segue would manifest


And are dancers at the dance craze all gathering around to dance so they can believe the same things about the world, study their sacred books and follow a specific way of life? No. So, your analogy is very very dumb. At an insulting level of dumb.

It doesn’t really matter what you heard someone else call buddhism sweetheart. School of life, the way or the truth, it’s a religion. Another attempt at organizing truth. And do you see how many religions state the same narrative as that? That which puts in on a higher level than the word “religion”? Yeah, that’s what religions do. Duh


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## mylyfewithdp (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> I have to say...this is different than my experience. Marijuana is not likely to cause mental illness and in fact helps me tremendously. It helps reconnect me to my body and makes me feel less anxious. My guess is that from the get go, you were self medicating for symptoms you didn't really understand or were not aware of because at such a young age, reality and identity are naturally more fluid.


So you think I need to deal with those issues first in order to heal?


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> And are dancers at the dance craze all gathering around to dance so they can believe the same things about the world, study their sacred books and follow a specific way of life? No. So, your analogy is very very dumb. At an insulting level of dumb.
> 
> It doesn’t really matter what you heard someone else call buddhism sweetheart. School of life, the way or the truth, it’s a religion. Another attempt at organizing truth. And do you see how many religions state the same narrative as that? That which puts in on a higher level than the word “religion”? Yeah, that’s what religions do. Duh


A. I am not and never will be your sweetheart. You're not my type. I am sapiosexual. You're just don't qualify.
B. My information comes from studies in theosophy and philosophy 
Would you like case studies and references?
You see, I will not try to make you feel denominated by calling you sweetheart. There is no need. 
You are powerless and blustering and embarrassing yourself


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

softconfessions said:


> A. I am not and never will be your sweetheart. You're not my type. I am sapiosexual. You're just don't qualify.
> B. My information comes from studies in theosophy and philosophy
> Would you like case studies and references?
> You see, I will not try to make you feel denominated by calling you sweetheart. There is no need.
> You are powerless and blustering and embarrassing yourself


A. I don’t really give a shit. 
B. Your opinions aren’t facts. You can shove your credentials. 
You’ve already shown yourself to be quite the irrational blubberer by attempting to attack me with nonsense. Either respond respectfully, or get lost


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

mylyfewithdp said:


> So you think I need to deal with those issues first in order to heal?


I think you need to find your core. The middle where you are really you. Then
Take one step
It almost doesn't matter what it is. You will make mistakes. You will fall down.
Get back up.
Ever watch the amazing race? How they POWER on for the money?
We power on for survival.
But if you just look at where you ARE
Which is better than before
Then you can take one more step
Then one more
Take it from some one who was in 5 point restraints for 48 hours once
It will pass
Stay strong
Then
Take one more step.
You can do this.
I know you can.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> A. I don’t really give a shit.
> B. Your opinions aren’t facts. You can shove your credentials.
> You’ve already shown yourself to be quite the irrational blubberer by attempting to attack me with nonsense. Either respond respectfully, or get lost


Sigh.
I rest my case.
En re irrational: read your last entry. 
I would laugh at you but that would be unkind
Oh right
I do not c a r e 
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA


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## Chip1021 (Mar 24, 2018)

softconfessions said:


> Lord Buddha is a term of respect. There is no deity in Buddhism. Buddhism is a school of philosophy and life.
> Technically it would be agnosticism
> But it is a school of successful behavior


It seems that this is simply an argument about the meaning of words. Is Buddhism a religion? What about Scientology? Or Alcoholics Anonymous? Or Harry Potter fandom?

Most definitions of a religion don’t require there to be a godhead. So what, then, is the difference between a religion and a well-developed, highly organized existential philosophy? What is the difference between a religion and a cult? It seems to me, based on the way most people use those terms, we call it a religion if we revere or respect it, and we call it a cult if we want to denigrate it.

The way I see it, the difference between a religion and an existential philosophy is this: in order to be a religion it must contain at least some degree of crazy. A philosophy might be crazy, in part or in full, but in order to be a religion, it HAS to contain at least some crazy. Religions have creation myths, stories or parables consisting of quasi-human agents that interfere with our affaires, and explanations of life resulting from unobservable (not just unobserved) forces. Dianetics was a philosophy that L. Ron Hubbard constructed as a sort of alternative to psychoanalysis. I don’t know much about it, but I hear it’s a bit crazy. However, in order to turn Dianetics into a religion (Scientology), he had to add a whole lot more of the crazy.

Personally, I consider any thoughtful analysis of the human condition to be religion. In this sense, the atheists Camus and Sartre were more religious than many Christians.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

Chip1021 said:


> It seems that this is simply an argument about the meaning of words. Is Buddhism a religion? What about Scientology? Or Alcoholics Anonymous? Or Harry Potter fandom?
> 
> Most definitions of a religion don’t require there to be a godhead. So what, then, is the difference between a religion and a well-developed, highly organized existential philosophy? What is the difference between a religion and a cult? It seems to me, based on the way most people use those terms, we call it a religion if we revere or respect it, and we call it a cult if we want to denigrate it.
> 
> ...


I read tell me when French so that I could truly understand French philosophy. I do resonate more with a German philosophers but there was a lot there to consider. If you want to show off and have the last word I really don't care obviously you're a booster so be a rooster


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> I read tell me when French so that I could truly understand French philosophy. I do resonate more with a German philosophers but there was a lot there to consider. If you want to show off and have the last word I really don't care obviously you're a booster so be a rooster


But you're an idiot


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> But you're an idiot


You know we can have cut and paste Wars till the cows come home but you and I both know who has the superior intellect here


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> You know we can have cut and paste Wars till the cows come home but you and I both know who has the superior intellect here


The most important thing to note here is that you really care what I think therefore I very much doubt that you have dpdr


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## coolwhip27 (Mar 14, 2015)

Superior intellect? My my, I suppose with all that superior intellect you would want to be hiding behind a screen to act like such a child wouldn’t you? Your master Buddha wouldn’t be proud, of yet another egotistical mind being led by the herd, trying to force propaganda down other people’s throats while simultaneously declaring themselves as intellectually superior. You’re an idiot, with a fake profile picture and identity. Maybe the truth will come clear real soon.


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## Chip1021 (Mar 24, 2018)

softconfessions said:


> If you want to show off and have the last word I really don't care obviously you're a booster so be a rooster


I have no idea what that last part is supposed to mean, but there isn’t a “last word” on anything. This group generally consists of 2 types of conversations: people suffer with (or think they suffer with) DP and are seeking help and support, and people who want to explore concepts related to DPDR, “mental illness,” religion, spirituality, etc. If you simply wish to be arrogant and combative toward everyone, there are plenty of lame political websites and YouTube channels where you would find good company.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

how you feel
is your choice


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

coolwhip27 said:


> Superior intellect? My my, I suppose with all that superior intellect you would want to be hiding behind a screen to act like such a child wouldn’t you? Your master Buddha wouldn’t be proud, of yet another egotistical mind being led by the herd, trying to force propaganda down other people’s throats while simultaneously declaring themselves as intellectually superior. You’re an idiot, with a fake profile picture and identity. Maybe the truth will come clear real soon.


yawn


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> yawn


I AM, quite precisely, a superior child. i cannot mature, it seems. I perceive in black and white. There is no denying my intellect nor my emotional immaturity, so you are quite perceptive.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

i do not believe in immutable truths


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

I cannot relate with normal social protocols so i am doing my best


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

but hey, look on the bright side


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## mylyfewithdp (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> I think you need to find your core. The middle where you are really you. Then
> Take one step
> It almost doesn't matter what it is. You will make mistakes. You will fall down.
> Get back up.
> ...


Do you know any signs to look for for recovery ?


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## inkyp (6 mo ago)

mylyfewithdp said:


> Hello everyone my name is lavelle ill start of by telling you guys how i got it i was fifteen and i got into smoking weed and was hiding it from my parents up untill the day my dad found out then my started getting me weed from the dispensaries because he didint want me to get it on the streets so one day i wanted to try an edible so i asked him and he went and got it for me and it was a brownie right when he got it for me i was so excited to try it because ive never tried a edible before and was hoping to get stoned and enjoy my experience so i broke of a piece and ate it and i waited like 30 minutes and i didint feel anything so i ate some more of the brownie this was a big mistake i took it later in the day so it was starting to get dark out and my dad put on a movie halfway through the movie things started to get weird i started to feel like i was in the movie and started feeling very drowsy but not in a good way i wasint feeling so good so i decided to cut the movie short and go to sleep but the sleep didint help when i woke up i still felt very wierd but i thought it would go away quick so i continued to smoke with my friends and one day i decided to sneak into my brothers roomates room and steal his edible he had and me and my friend split it my friend went home and i started tripping balls i remeber calling my dad asking him to come and pick me up from my moms because i felt like i was dying and i black out in his car and when i woke up i was on his couch this is when the dpdr started i started to feel out of my body 247 and really paranoid even when i didn't smoke and racing thoughts and a whole bunch of other symptoms its been like 7 years im 23 now and i still feel it i dont really know if its gotten better i just feel numb and like im becoming numb to the dpdr ive been to mental hospitals ad tried all different types of meds any advice would help and encouraging words would be great thanks guys.


Hi Lavele, I had a similar situation to you in that I got DPDR from smoking weed at 16(ish). Not from a brownie but I just had so much with my friend (many times) and got panicky and scared every time and felt like everything was unreal and fake and like I was in a nightmare. After 45 mins or so I would calm down and enjoy it so I guess that's why I carried on doing it. I remember waking up one day afterwards and everything just looked so weird and different, like I was looking at a 2d image rather than the real world... it's impossible to describe fully but 'like a dream' is basically it. The first 3 years after that were so confusing, I really felt like nothing was real and it was like a constant existential crisis with weird visual distortions. I'll never forget my 17th birthday I looked out the window and down at some houses and I basically saw the houses warping like this scene 



 and I truly felt like I was crazy and schizophrenic. 

I'm 25 now and I'm not 'cured' (hence why I am here on this forum, cause it has flared up for me) but I am a lot better than I used to be and I feel and hope that I can some day recover fully. How I view DPDR is that your body and mind tells itself that 'this isn't real' and dissociates so that it can survive and cope with the overwhelming threat and stress. I don't know how true that is, but it works for me because it makes sense to me that the reason that the symptoms follow you for years after the proximal event is that: your nervous system still feels threatened, so won't let go of the coping mechanism. I think the threat may be from a combination of the unresolved trauma of the event (and possibly anxieties/trauma leading up to it in childhood) and being overwhelmed by perceived threat in your life nowadays (from the paranoia and anxiety). Both of those things make your body feel 'unsafe' so both of those things need to be dealt with to 'treat' DPDR (imo). 

I think identifying triggers is a good start - notice when you feel the symptoms more and try to identify why. Weed is obvious - pls stop having marijuana if you still are.. some others that I noticed for me: caffeine, alcohol, sleep deprivation, social media. Reducing these can help so you don't give your mind more stress and overwhelm it more than it already has. Help your body to be grounded in reality as much as you can (theres some advice in the links at the bottom). This can include also, sometimes not thinking about DPDR so much, not panicking about having it, realising it's just a symptom. 

Also realise it's not your fault and not such a 'big mistake' when you ate the brownie, you were just predisposed to this happening due to whatever anxiety/trauma/sensitivity/personality you had growing up, so it could have happened some other time due to some other trigger event so don't take any guilt from it.

In my opinion trauma is the main reason for dissociation disorders (like DPDR) so whether it is the single event or a build up of a lot of trauma I think it's important to deal with to recover. I am in therapy for trauma I had growing up and I feel like that is how I hope to deal with the ultimate root of why it ended up happening to me. I recommend therapy for you too if you are able to, it seems to be a common route for recovery. If you feel like trauma is a part of what lead to your DPDR as well, I recommend the book 'Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel van der Kolk. It has stuff about dissociation in there too and how that relates and other treatments/therapies you may find useful if you try.

Hope that maybe helps, and I wish you the best

Links:
Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder: What to Know

A Blueprint to Healing From Depersonalization | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

DSM diagnostic description - useful to see what symptoms match up to this

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-S...he+Body+Keeps+the+Score&qid=1658106667&sr=8-1


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## mylyfewithdp (6 mo ago)

inkyp said:


> Hi Lavele, I had a similar situation to you in that I got DPDR from smoking weed at 16(ish). Not from a brownie but I just had so much with my friend (many times) and got panicky and scared every time and felt like everything was unreal and fake and like I was in a nightmare. After 45 mins or so I would calm down and enjoy it so I guess that's why I carried on doing it. I remember waking up one day afterwards and everything just looked so weird and different, like I was looking at a 2d image rather than the real world... it's impossible to describe fully but 'like a dream' is basically it. The first 3 years after that were so confusing, I really felt like nothing was real and it was like a constant existential crisis with weird visual distortions. I'll never forget my 17th birthday I looked out the window and down at some houses and I basically saw the houses warping like this scene
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm so desperate for some relief I've had it 247 nonstop it won't go away I've developed deep depression because of it


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

I have been around marijuana ever since my haight ashbury days
I have known literally thousands of people who smoked a lot of weed.
Not a single one got dpdr though some got paranoid and reclusive. Stopped when they detoxed.
You either already had it or you don't have it now.
Tell me ONE case study with several data sources that proves weed causes DPDR.
Makes it worse maybe because it's one more later between you and reality
But doesn't cause it.
Something was already wrong before you smoked it


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

softconfessions said:


> Lord Buddha is a term of respect. There is no deity in Buddhism. Buddhism is a school of philosophy and life.
> Technically it would be agnosticism
> But it is a school of successful behavior


There are different branches in Buddhism, and some consider that Buddhism in the west could be yet another branch because it is often presented and applied in a very different way than in the east so that it's better accepted. And this is what you can find when you google "buddhist deities", there are plenty of them in tibetan buddhism: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhist_deities

Here is one definition of a religion which does fit at least tibetan Buddhism (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion):

"*Religion* is usually defined as a social-cultural system of designated behaviors and practices, morals, beliefs, worldviews, texts, sanctified places, prophecies, ethics, or organizations, that generally relates humanity to supernatural, transcendental, and spiritual elements;[1] however, there is no scholarly consensus over what precisely constitutes a religion.[2][3]"


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

softconfessions said:


> I have been around marijuana ever since my haight ashbury days
> I have known literally thousands of people who smoked a lot of weed.
> Not a single one got dpdr though some got paranoid and reclusive. Stopped when they detoxed.
> You either already had it or you don't have it now.
> ...











Cannabis-Induced Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder







psychiatryonline.org





Of course one can argue that people need to have predespositions, but it's a bit like saying that guns don't kill people, but bullets do. The fact is some people do get DPDR right after smoking cannabis.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

Trith said:


> There are different branches in Buddhism, and some consider that Buddhism in the west could be yet another branch because it is often presented and applied in a very different way than in the east so that it's better accepted. And this is what you can find when you google "buddhist deities", there are plenty of them in tibetan buddhism: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhist_deities
> 
> Here is one definition of a religion which does fit at least tibetan Buddhism (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion):
> 
> "*Religion* is usually defined as a social-cultural system of designated behaviors and practices, morals, beliefs, worldviews, texts, sanctified places, prophecies, ethics, or organizations, that generally relates humanity to supernatural, transcendental, and spiritual elements;[1] however, there is no scholarly consensus over what precisely constitutes a religion.[2][3]"


Written by Christians no doubt


Trith said:


> Cannabis-Induced Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder
> 
> 
> 
> ...


No.
What they experience is a temporary state similar to dpdr. NOT a clinical diagnosis. Everybody who abuses any mind altering substance...ANY... can experience temporary symptoms that mimic a number of true psychiatric illnesses.
It is unequivocally NOT the same thing


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

softconfessions said:


> Written by Christians no doubt
> 
> No.
> What they experience is a temporary state similar to dpdr. NOT a clinical diagnosis. Everybody who abuses any mind altering substance...ANY... can experience temporary symptoms that mimic a number of true psychiatric illnesses.
> It is unequivocally NOT the same thing


I googled "Deities in Tibetan Buddhism" and the first result is this book: Amazon.fr - Deities of Tibetan Buddhism: The Zurich Paintings of the Icons Worthwhile to See - Willson, Martin, Brauen, Martin, Beer, Robert - Livres
The preface is by Amchok Rinpoche, in Dharamsala:

_ "The lineage of these deities has survived for hundreds of years, but now, as the great masters disappear, this lineage is in danger of being lost. How will the next generation of practitioners gain a proper knowledge of these deities? This book marks the first time all this information has been collected in one place, with the deities shown in full color and with so many details provided about them. Deities of Tibetan Buddhism is an enormously important achievement, an essential document for preserving this precious lineage. Wonderful! Wonderful!" -- Ven. Amchok Rinpoche, Director, Library of Tibetan Works and Archives, Dharamsala_

Then about the study, the title is "Cannabis induced depersonalization-derealization disorder". It means it's about people who were diagnosed with depersonalization-derealization disorder. And it means it was induced by cannabis. Below is a copy/paste of the first keypoint of the study:

_"Cannabis-induced depersonalization-derealization disorder is characterized by persistent or recurring episodes of depersonalization or derealization. "_

And another relevant part about DPDR being temporary:

*Pathogenesis*
_Some individuals who use cannabis will never experience depersonalization or derealization during or after cannabis use (5). However, depersonalization and derealization remain potential side effects of cannabis (12), of which many clinicians are unaware (5). In general, cannabis-induced symptoms of depersonalization and derealization are time-locked to the period of intoxication, peaking approximately 30 minutes after ingestion and subsiding within 120 minutes of exposure to the drug (12, 13). However, among a subgroup of persons who use cannabis, symptoms of depersonalization or derealization persist for weeks, months, or years (3, 5), even after discontinuation of the substance (2, 11). Those who experience prolonged symptoms may have cannabis-induced depersonalization-derealization disorder (2, 10).

The pathogenesis of cannabis-induced depersonalization-derealization disorder can be marked by an initial dissociative disturbance with a severity that subsides but later returns in episodes that eventually become chronic (3). In other cases, onset can be more abrupt, with symptoms emerging during intoxication and persisting unremittingly for months or years (5). For other individuals, symptoms do not occur until hours or days following an episode of cannabis use (3)._


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

Trith said:


> I googled "Deities in Tibetan Buddhism" and the first result is this book: Amazon.fr - Deities of Tibetan Buddhism: The Zurich Paintings of the Icons Worthwhile to See - Willson, Martin, Brauen, Martin, Beer, Robert - Livres
> The preface is by Amchok Rinpoche, in Dharamsala:
> 
> _ "The lineage of these deities has survived for hundreds of years, but now, as the great masters disappear, this lineage is in danger of being lost. How will the next generation of practitioners gain a proper knowledge of these deities? This book marks the first time all this information has been collected in one place, with the deities shown in full color and with so many details provided about them. Deities of Tibetan Buddhism is an enormously important achievement, an essential document for preserving this precious lineage. Wonderful! Wonderful!" -- Ven. Amchok Rinpoche, Director, Library of Tibetan Works and Archives, Dharamsala_
> ...


My goodness.
You do excel at cut and paste.
Is that your greatest achievement? Arguing with mentally ill women by means of cut and paste blowhard techniques?
Whatever dude
Take the last word
You are clearly immature and need it


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> Written by Christians no doubt
> 
> No.
> What they experience is a temporary state similar to dpdr. NOT a clinical diagnosis. Everybody who abuses any mind altering substance...ANY... can experience temporary symptoms that mimic a number of true psychiatric illnesses.
> It is unequivocally NOT the same thing





softconfessions said:


> My goodness.
> You do excel at cut and paste.
> Is that your greatest achievement? Arguing with mentally ill women by means of cut and paste blowhard techniques?
> Whatever dude
> ...


But it was amusing making you jump for sucker bait over and over
Rofl


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

softconfessions said:


> My goodness.
> You do excel at cut and paste.
> Is that your greatest achievement? Arguing with mentally ill women by means of cut and paste blowhard techniques?
> Whatever dude
> ...


Wow... That's one low quality of bad faith, I don't know why but there is something quite sad about this.


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## mylyfewithdp (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> I have been around marijuana ever since my haight ashbury days
> I have known literally thousands of people who smoked a lot of weed.
> Not a single one got dpdr though some got paranoid and reclusive. Stopped when they detoxed.
> You either already had it or you don't have it now.
> ...


The weed was a trigger it caused a panic attack which caused the dpdr


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

mylyfewithdp said:


> The weed was a trigger it caused a panic attack which caused the dpdr


Not necessarily. I started to have DPDR gradually after smoking joints just once every three weeks maximum. I wasn't extremely anxious, and I had my first thing that looked like a panic attack only six years after the onset of the symptoms, and I had stopped smoking for more than three years by then.
But my first experience of a feeling of unreality was when I was smoking, and after smoking I started to have mild DPDR that would last longer and longer.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

Trith said:


> Not necessarily. I started to have DPDR gradually after smoking joints just once every three weeks maximum. I wasn't extremely anxious, and I had my first thing that looked like a panic attack only six years after the onset of the symptoms, and I had stopped smoking for more than three years by then.
> But my first experience of a feeling of unreality was when I was smoking, and after smoking I started to have mild DPDR that would last longer and longer.


What do you think people smoke weed FOR?
For an escape from the burdensome confines OF reality. Why did you smoke it then blame IT for doing what it always does
You were already fearful of loss of control and already anxious... whether or not you realize it or will accept the REALITY ( oh the irony)
Pot does not put something in you that was not already there. Kind of like hypnosis.
You can keep blaming the weed or you can go beyond that and get to the crux of your anxiety and fear of loss of control.
Take it or leave it but I know whereof I speak children


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

softconfessions said:


> What do you think people smoke weed FOR?
> For an escape from the burdensome confines OF reality. Why did you smoke it then blame IT for doing what it always does
> You were already fearful of loss of control and already anxious... whether or not you realize it or will accept the REALITY ( oh the irony)
> Pot does not put something in you that was not already there. Kind of like hypnosis.
> ...


I smoked weed because it was interesting and I liked the effects. I wasn't running away from anything. And even people who do smoke weed to escape their reality don't all develop DPDR. Same for every drug.
And I don't "blame it" for anything. I just didn't have these problems before smoking weed and then I had them after smoking weed. You can put any verb in between, say that the weed "caused" DPDR, or that it "revealed" DPDR, or that it "triggered" DPDR, or that it was "awoke" DPDR, or whatever verb helps you cope with the cognitive dissonance between your love of weed and the fact that it causes DPDR for some people. That's your buisness. The fact is that if I didn't smoke weed I would probably not have DPDR. Now what is done is done, I don't care. Weed seems to be good for you so keep smoking. I am not saying weed is bad for you or bad for everyone and that you should stop. You do what you want. I wasn't trying to blaspheme your weed god.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

Trith said:


> I smoked weed because it was interesting and I liked the effects. I wasn't running away from anything. And even people who do smoke weed to escape their reality don't all develop DPDR. Same for every drug.
> And I don't "blame it" for anything. I just didn't have these problems before smoking weed and then I had them after smoking weed. You can put any verb in between, say that the weed "caused" DPDR, or that it "revealed" DPDR, or that it "triggered" DPDR, or that it was "awoke" DPDR, or whatever verb helps you cope with the cognitive dissonance between your love of weed and the fact that it causes DPDR for some people. That's your buisness. The fact is that if I didn't smoke weed I would probably not have DPDR. Now what is done is done, I don't care. Weed seems to be good for you so keep smoking. I am not saying weed is bad for you or bad for everyone and that you should stop. You do what you want. I wasn't trying to blaspheme your weed god.


Whatever
I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong
You'll see.
In 10 years the DPDR "craze" which mimics all the current kookoo crazes and youtube click bait for psychiatric issues will have resolved into more equalized and genuine parameters.
I have seen these trends come and go. DPDR is just the flavor of the month.
All of you will someday look back and say whoa
That old poet was right.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> Whatever
> I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong
> You'll see.
> In 10 years the DPDR "craze" which mimics all the current kookoo crazes and youtube click bait for psychiatric issues will have resolved into more equalized and genuine parameters.
> ...


yright.
You'll see. Rofl
I promise


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## Trith (Dec 31, 2019)

softconfessions said:


> Whatever
> I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong
> You'll see.
> In 10 years the DPDR "craze" which mimics all the current kookoo crazes and youtube click bait for psychiatric issues will have resolved into more equalized and genuine parameters.
> ...


Well your craze here didn't last long for sure. Good luck then on your trip to other forums you will be interested in. I think you have narcissistic personality disorder, so you may want to check this kind of forum? Really, check the list of symptoms, maybe it's you who will be surprised, who knows. Anyway, farewell.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

Trith said:


> Well your craze here didn't last long for sure. Good luck then on your trip to other forums you will be interested in. I think you have narcissistic personality disorder, so you may want to check this kind of forum? Really, check the list of symptoms, maybe it's you who will be surprised, who knows. Anyway, farewell.


Actually you could not possibly be more wrong. My identity is too fluid and undefined for that to Even be possible. Which points out how very little you really know about psychiatry/psychology or you would not have embarrassed yourself by calling a completely depersonalized person a narcissist. 
I simply say what I think and how you react is of very little consequence.
I cannot care.
I don't really have a concrete identity. I am a portal. 
And trying to intimidate or embarrass or shame me is laughable but good try.
I actually could have helped some of you. But you are at a DPDR party... not in a psychiatric hospital. Our perspective is variant
Though we all know that parralax does not alter truth. Or we should.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> Actually you could not possibly be more wrong. My identity is too fluid and undefined for that to Even be possible. Which points out how very little you really know about psychiatry/psychology or you would not have embarrassed yourself by calling a completely depersonalized person a narcissist.
> I simply say what I think and how you react is of very little consequence.
> I cannot care.
> I don't really have a concrete identity. I am a portal.
> ...


Good luck to YOU
Remember
Reality does not exist except as translated by somatic stimuli and cognitive data that our brains interpret INDIVIDUALLY
We are pack/herd animals so we allow a consensus of these interpretations to stand as accepted reality.
Study a little quantum physics.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

softconfessions said:


> Good luck to YOU
> Remember
> Reality does not exist except as translated by somatic stimuli and cognitive data that our brains interpret INDIVIDUALLY
> We are pack/herd animals so we allow a consensus of these interpretations to stand as accepted reality.
> Study a little quantum physics.


You may not like it bit I am exactly what depersonalization disorder is, in its extreme. 
Argue all you want 
Meet you at the door and they will unlock it for you and you can talk to my team


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

softconfessions said:


> You may not like it bit I am exactly what depersonalization disorder is, in its extreme.
> Argue all you want
> Meet you at the door and they will unlock it for you and you can talk to my team


so whats the solution


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

leminaseri said:


> so whats the solution


The first thing my psychiatrist taught me was to breathe properly. Breathe all the way down into your hips. This was originally for extreme anxiety and panic ( I was being given 10 mg of Atavan 4 times a day- most people would be zombies but i couldnt slow down) Breathing in slowly (count to 4) then hold (count to 4) then exhale (count to 4)- do this three times then no more right then. It immediately alters the brains chemistry and reduces heart rate and pulse.
He also said your brain releases endorphins when you smile. And your brain is like you ( meaning me)- it is extremely intelligent but so literal that it cannot see nuances. It cannot tell if you are fake smiling or really smiling, it will release endorphins anyway. So


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

Never give up. I promise, it gets better. I can definitely promise that if you keep getting up, keep smiling, keep trying- it WILL get better


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

I used to often be in 4 point restraints. I just moved into my own apt. I was in institutions for decades. If I can do it, you can do it.


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## softconfessions (6 mo ago)

One more thing, for now, but I will help all I can.
I recommend reading Joseph Campbell's The Hero's Journey- in the end it is you who are going to save you. You are the hero of your own story and YOU write it.
Be your own hero.


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## leminaseri (Jul 1, 2020)

softconfessions said:


> One more thing, for now, but I will help all I can.
> I recommend reading Joseph Campbell's The Hero's Journey- in the end it is you who are going to save you. You are the hero of your own story and YOU write it.
> Be your own hero.


thank you very much


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