# I have recovered



## vetinari29 (Feb 1, 2012)

Hi All,
Firstly sorry for my English I'm not from UK but had to post this just to help others.
I fought anxiety disorder , panic attacks and heavy dereazlization for 5 years. This will be one and only post as I don't really want to
bring back the memories. However stories from people who have recovered helped me greatly so I decided that I owe my story to everyone here.
I have been completely normal for a year now.

My story in short was that it all started after I smoked a pot one night. Worst panic attack happened and then my nightmare begun.
At the same time I had stressful job and was dieting for some time.
2 years of horrible derealization. I couldnt even walk, don't know how I managed to go to work and finish uni. Panick attacks pretty much every day.
I was afraid to drink tea, coffe, be hangover , was constantly thinking about stroke , brain tumor etc
Visited all doctors and thought that I m dying. i was on cipralex for a year and this saved my life as I kind of managed to get any kind of control. 
After a year I stopped ciralex cause I didnt see any further imrovement.
Year number 2 was still a nightmare and the next 3 were basically non stop dr and occasional panic attacks.

I don't have any quick fix nor an answer on how to recover my story is really strange.
Now I believe that this whole condition is a reaction to trauma which in my case was the nasty panic attack. In some cases it probably is a reaction to prolonged stress. In my case it also turned out that there was one more factor which played a crucial role and at the time I would never suspect that this could be the case.
I had been in a long 8 years long relationship. One day I came back from holiday and my girlfriend dumped me. At first I thought panick attacks will kill me, then I thought I ll kill myself because my life has ended and then I realize thet aart from being very sad I m actually so much better !!
my dd was gone together with the panic attacks. I was sad and depressed because of what happened to my girlfriend but apart fromthis I felt normal!!
When I started dating other girls it got only better and within 3 months I was cured. 
Now, I dont want to speculate if it was because I was living in a relationship that my subconsciousness thought wasn't really working or whether I had issues with self-confidence which were cured when I started dating other girls. I know it sounds silly but I think when I ended up on my own my personality grew up. 
I almost physically feel how much I have changed. 
I think that for many of you derealization is a response from your body to the situation in which you are but from which your concious mind doesnt know the way out. Or sometimes you dont even suspect what the contributing factor might be. 
Anyway the truth is that this think can go away and yes you can be back to normal again. Actually not! you will have to be somebody completely else then befor the illness! but you will feel healthy and derealization will be difficult to even imagine. in my case you can say that traumatic event put me in this and traumatic event cured me.
There is one more thing. Thinking about it know I do know that somwhere inside all this time I knew what was wrong and what needed changing so maybe some of you know too. It is not easy to realize what it is. I became certain accidentally when my relationship ended but some of you may find out during therapy 
or figure it out on your own.
I think that all people with dr have issues with self -confidence (even though some of you may be realy social) and I think that all people with dr have this specific type of personality that is not fully developed ( not fully grown , not sure how to express this in english). You have to try to evolve your mind into the mind of an adult (regardless of your age) by whatever means it take. 
And finally being an egoist helps. If flirting boosts your confidence , flirt if you feel like you need someone who would put you in a centre of their attention to feel good , do it.

Well I hope this helps.
email me in case of any questions.
good luck!
And one more tip:
gin -seng really helped as well (well or so I believe)


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## kanda (Feb 8, 2012)

I totally understand this. For me, recovering was about becoming the person I have been trying to be for so long, putting off my development of that self, I had lots of anxiety and attachment fears and confidence fears trying to me "my true self" but facing and developing that self has been my biggest challenge, and one that hopefully carries me through to towards normalcy


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