# Hi



## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

Hi I'm lily
I'm a recluse,i've had dp for about 3months now on and off.
DP has consumed me.

Anyone want to be friends?


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## resinoptes (Jan 15, 2011)

hey lily








lots of us here will








how did your dp start?


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## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

resinoptes said:


> hey lily
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well.
Good ol' marijuana


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## resinoptes (Jan 15, 2011)

same here
sudden onset?
Were you having existential thoughts before?
Did you have a panic attack?


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## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

resinoptes said:


> same here
> sudden onset?
> Were you having existential thoughts before?
> Did you have a panic attack?


It feels like a distant memory.I remember taking the BIGGEST hit I've ever taken with the sickest bong ever,and 10seconds after that...it was over.The walls felt like they were closing in,my friends faces where getting all fucked up..
I freaked out,I begged my friends to take me to a hospital(they didn't because they didn't want to get in trouble with their parents...)
I thought I was losing my mind.
Oh god it was terrible.
I remember taking a cab home,and calling everyone I knew..they all just told me to go to sleep and it would go away.
I went to sleep,only to feel the same way the next morning..

I don't talk to my friends anymore..I barely spend time with my family.I have no desire to live anymore.
It's safe to say,I've lost myself.


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## Tanyawa (Jan 25, 2011)

Sharpie said:


> It feels like a distant memory.I remember taking the BIGGEST hit I've ever taken with the sickest bong ever,and 10seconds after that...it was over.The walls felt like they were closing in,my friends faces where getting all fucked up..
> I freaked out,I begged my friends to take me to a hospital(they didn't because they didn't want to get in trouble with their parents...)
> I thought I was losing my mind.
> Oh god it was terrible.
> ...


you are not alone......many of us on here have been through what you are going through.........it's going on 3 years for me now

I think it all stems from FEAR............if you continue to shy away from people it might get worse..............for me FACING MY FEARS has been the best thing I have done..........often I find they are not as bad as I thought they were............right now I am trying to step back out into society because I have been to myself for a long time


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## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

Tanyawa said:


> you are not alone......many of us on here have been through what you are going through.........it's going on 3 years for me now
> 
> I think it all stems from FEAR............if you continue to shy away from people it might get worse..............for me FACING MY FEARS has been the best thing I have done..........often I find they are not as bad as I thought they were............right now I am trying to step back out into society because I have been to myself for a long time


I wish I could take back that night.
I regret it so much.


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## resinoptes (Jan 15, 2011)

Sharpie said:


> I wish I could take back that night.
> I regret it so much.


I am trying not to regret what happened to me cos I think it becomes a trap. I'm trying to somehow process and integrate it so I can recover, I think regret feeds fear, often. Having said that I was in a downward spiral till pretty recently, couldn't skate anymore, felt I was forgetting how to walk, isolating, thinking I had various unlikely diseases. Thought i'd been born into someone else's life, and that person had died. Do you have support from friends, and some kind of therapy, are you on any meds?


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## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

resinoptes said:


> I am trying not to regret what happened to me cos I think it becomes a trap. I'm trying to somehow process and integrate it so I can recover, I think regret feeds fear, often. Having said that I was in a downward spiral till pretty recently, couldn't skate anymore, felt I was forgetting how to walk, isolating, thinking I had various unlikely diseases. Thought i'd been born into someone else's life, and that person had died. Do you have support from friends, and some kind of therapy, are you on any meds?


I haven't told anyone but my bestfriend,and I can tell he thinks I'm crazy.I'm under 18,so I'd be obligated to tell my parents about my dp if I were to take meds or go to therapy.
My family is ridiculously religious and if they ever found out I did drugs,they'd disown me.

So no,I have no support and I'm not on any meds.


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## Tanyawa (Jan 25, 2011)

Sharpie said:


> I haven't told anyone but my bestfriend,and I can tell he thinks I'm crazy.I'm under 18,so I'd be obligated to tell my parents about my dp if I were to take meds or go to therapy.
> My family is ridiculously religious and if they ever found out I did drugs,they'd disown me.
> 
> So no,I have no support and I'm not on any meds.


I agree with the other comment about not holding onto regrets.......that will get you nowhere..........often drugs and alcohol are believed to be used to escape reality.....so obviously there was something a person is trying to escape BEFORE they do drugs or alcohol............I believe whatever you were trying to escape from BEFORE you did the drugs IS the problem.......and may not be the drugs at all.

May sound silly, but when one really looks at why they did drugs in the first place, perhaps the answer is there and not in the drugs themselves.

Besides what about the people who got DP without doing drugs?

I would look at why you did the drugs in the first place........were you trying to escape something?

you mention a religious family............often religious families are more like fanatics (not saying your is), and that could cause someone to want to escape with drugs

just ideas...............try meditation for any panic symptoms....it worked for me


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## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

Tanyawa said:


> I agree with the other comment about not holding onto regrets.......that will get you nowhere..........often drugs and alcohol are believed to be used to escape reality.....so obviously there was something a person is trying to escape BEFORE they do drugs or alcohol............I believe whatever you were trying to escape from BEFORE you did the drugs IS the problem.......and may not be the drugs at all.
> 
> May sound silly, but when one really looks at why they did drugs in the first place, perhaps the answer is there and not in the drugs themselves.
> 
> ...


No.The only reason I smoked pot was because my bestfriend did and got me into it..
Despite having a shit life so far,I've never really believed in drugs...


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hi, just saw you in the chat but didn't get a chance to say, "hi". Welcome.


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## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Hi, just saw you in the chat but didn't get a chance to say, "hi". Welcome.


aw.thx


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## Tanyawa (Jan 25, 2011)

Sharpie said:


> No.The only reason I smoked pot was because my bestfriend did and got me into it..
> Despite having a shit life so far,I've never really believed in drugs...


I am not being an asshole, but if your friend told you to jump off a building would you?

What I am saying is there must be some reason you ACCEPTED the pot from your friend.

Had you been happy you may not have accepted it.

Just trying to help you find the source(s) of your depersonalization.


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## resinoptes (Jan 15, 2011)

Tanyawa said:


> I am not being an asshole, but if your friend told you to jump off a building would you?
> 
> What I am saying is there must be some reason you ACCEPTED the pot from your friend.
> 
> ...


but i don't think you have to be unhappy to accept it. I don't think there is anything particularly wrong with it, for most people. If anything it just acts as a trigger more easily than other drugs, but I don't think cannabis can cause dp on its own. There's usually some underlying conflict or reason, or some aspect of reality is seen which causes panic. I mean, people don't get dp from alcohol, to my knowledge. For me, i know there was value in the experience, even though i became terrified snd fell apart, but it was activting pre-existing conflicts. In the long run, sometimes people may benefit from it, when they recover.


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## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

Haha.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
There wasn't a reason.I just did it.Dont over analyze everything...maybe for others there is a reason but for me I was just curious.
Pot triggerd it,that is all...there is was no anxiety.I know so many people that smoke pot and live a happy life.So for you to say you have to be unhappy to smoke it makes absolutely no fucking sense.
I've read so many books and talked to so many people,and I'm sure that there doesn't ALWAYS have to be an underlying reason to get DP.


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## Tanyawa (Jan 25, 2011)

resinoptes said:


> but i don't think you have to be unhappy to accept it. I don't think there is anything particularly wrong with it, for most people. If anything it just acts as a trigger more easily than other drugs, but I don't think cannabis can cause dp on its own. There's usually some underlying conflict or reason, or some aspect of reality is seen which causes panic. I mean, people don't get dp from alcohol, to my knowledge. For me, i know there was value in the experience, even though i became terrified snd fell apart, but it was activting pre-existing conflicts. In the long run, sometimes people may benefit from it, when they recover.


but if you never believed in drugs beforehand and then you smoked it..........causes a contradiction in your mind maybe?

were you against drugs at some point?

If I think beer is bad for me, but I go ahead and drink it, it might cause a contradiction in my subconscious mind causing me anxiety

just a thought


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## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

Tanyawa said:


> but if you never believed in drugs beforehand and then you smoked it..........causes a contradiction in your mind maybe?
> 
> were you against drugs at some point?
> 
> ...


Ah.
Ok.
What I meant by not believing in drugs is ...I never was type of person that was like "OH LETS GETT FUCKEEEED UP" to have a good time.
i never was against them,most people in my life get lifted.
I think maybe it was just bad luck or something idk


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## resinoptes (Jan 15, 2011)

Tanyawa said:


> but if you never believed in drugs beforehand and then you smoked it..........causes a contradiction in your mind maybe?
> 
> were you against drugs at some point?
> 
> ...


I think the category 'drugs' is very hard to define, so while I could say I was against some drugs I.e. alcohol (alcoholic parents), just saying 'against drugs' doesn't seem to work for me.

As far as I know, the only drugs known to induce dp are psychedelics and dissociatives, which would suggest there is something specific going on here. They are drugs that have the capacity to induce mental states that mimic severe trauma/percieved threat to life, which also can cause dp.

Of course this is only one of many angles to look at things from.


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## Sharpie (Jan 27, 2011)

resinoptes said:


> I think the category 'drugs' is very hard to define, so while I could say I was against some drugs I.e. alcohol (alcoholic parents), just saying 'against drugs' doesn't seem to work for me.
> 
> As far as I know, the only drugs known to induce dp are psychedelics and dissociatives, *which would suggest there is something specific going on here. They are drugs that have the capacity to induce mental states that mimic severe trauma/percieved threat to life, which also can cause dp.*
> 
> Of course this is only one of many angles to look at things from.


Amen.


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## Tanyawa (Jan 25, 2011)

resinoptes said:


> I think the category 'drugs' is very hard to define, so while I could say I was against some drugs I.e. alcohol (alcoholic parents), just saying 'against drugs' doesn't seem to work for me.
> 
> As far as I know, the only drugs known to induce dp are psychedelics and dissociatives, which would suggest there is something specific going on here. They are drugs that have the capacity to induce mental states that mimic severe trauma/percieved threat to life, which also can cause dp.
> 
> Of course this is only one of many angles to look at things from.


People disassociate from reality when the subconscious emotions they are experiencing are too painful. One way to do this is to drink alcohol or do drugs.

I suggest the painful emotions IS the reason why we do drugs or drink alcohol on a VERY subconscious level.

If you had alcoholic parents you may drink alcohol or you might be against it. If you are or were against it at some point and then a friend wanted you to drink with them and you DO it, it causes a contradiction in your psyche. It's not enough to say to yourself that when your parents did it was wrong, but it's ok when YOU do it. That is contradictory.

That contradiction in your psyche causes ANXIETY even at the most subconscious levels.

I believe that when our emotions, thoughts and behaviour are all in alignment with each other than we are ok, when they are not in alignment it causes anxiety.

Anxiety is caused by fear that something is wrong.

If you see something as being PINK and everybody tells you it is BLUE - this will cause anxiety because it's not in alignment with your observation.


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## Tanyawa (Jan 25, 2011)

also for me.........I know I have RAN away from my emotions my whole life because they were too painful and I believe THIS has caused my Depersonalization
I did this subconsciously........I was not aware I was doing it


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