# Well...



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

...as some of you know, my life can be a little, well, compicated from time to time. I've just experienced something that has just put the tin hat on it all....all my previous accomplishments/failures fade into insignificance in relation to what's just happened.

I'm so staggered by the total and utter utter utter utter utter absurdity of my life, that I'm want to scream in rage/euphoria, that'll I'll give you three guess at what's happened. Go on, I bet you can't guess.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:


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## bat (Aug 18, 2004)

you became a moderator


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## maria (Oct 28, 2004)

you've found out you're adopted and you've accidentally slept with your own sister


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## Guest (Aug 19, 2005)

You either just got the all clear from the cancerologists ( :? ) or you just got married again.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

you idiots. he got laid.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

> you've found out you're adopted and you've accidentally slept with your own sister


whoa maria guessed it before (and more accurately) than I did!

Martin, why the euphoria over this? I mean I know that narcissists are obsessed with their own flesh and blood but for fucks sake, can we keep it clean here?


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

I count five guesses so far so I won't bother with another. So, tell us what happened? Or are you just toying with us?


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## Monkeydust (Jan 12, 2005)

You somehow bumped into Janine and XEPER, who were out on a date, at your local curry house. You then proceeded to meet up with that person writing an article about you in the local paper, had sex with her, then found out that she was, in fact, Sojourner. Then you got in a fist fight with John Prescott and ended up with a black eye and cancer, which you later found out was a misdiagnosis but only after you acquired an auxilliary arsehole.

Am I hot or cold?


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

I'm taking all three guesses you offered a chance at...

1. You're ex-wife called and wants to get back up with you.

2. The girl you drunkenly had sex with last month or so is preggers. :shock:

3. They misdiagnosed you and all is well but you are so damn mad at what they have put you thru? (This would be my hope.)

I hate waiting till Monday to find out. :evil:


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

knocked up! I never guessed that one! good one terri

monkeydust- don't you think xeper is a little too young for Janine? I mean i'm not saying Janine is OLD...i'm just saying that *I* wouldn't date an 18 year old because that seems young so being that i'm younger than janine i wouldn't think she would either...unless like she's one of those new school dating types like Demi Moore...And that's ok too really, it's the new millenium, we have all sorts of lifestyles that are O.K. Janine it's ok to date younger people! You don't have to hide it anymore! Congratulations!

GOD DAMNIT MARTIN JUST FREAKIN TELL US


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## Monkeydust (Jan 12, 2005)

Come on, it's not like the 17th century anymore guys. In modern dating, it's perfectly fine to go out with someone who might be old enough to be your grandmother.

Anything's possible in 2005. I wouldn't be surprised if Martin's had a complication with the chemotherapy and is himself, in fact, pregnant. Martin's gonna have a baby!


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Rage/Euphoria, eh?

Must be that his tests were all wrong the whole time.

That's my prayer, anyway.

Either that or he was personally summoned by Jesus like Paul on the road to Damascus, but I doubt it, because he would have committed suicide if that happened. (Just a joke, folks.)


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

monkeydust-

yeah but when dating with such a wide age range what are you going to tell the parents, kids, etc.? so many problems.

i hope they have this figured out.


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## Monkeydust (Jan 12, 2005)

Or maybe Martin _is_ Jesus? I never thought he'd be the second messiah, but whaddya know.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

:shock: :shock: :shock:

:lol:

Monkeydust, that is hysterical and would be just about the most utterly absurd thing that could possibly happen. You win my vote for most absurd.


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## Guest (Aug 22, 2005)

Well?

We demand answers. :x

:lol:


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

Ok Martin you've had your fun, some of us on this board are obsessives and whilst I'm enjoying obsessing about you and your life rather than my own, I'd like to know what's happened. Please? Or are you worried you've let it build up to the point where anything you say now is going to be an anti-climax? :twisted:


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

My guess is you're not gonna tell us until we guess right.

Here's my guess.

Your short story won?


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Does it have anything to do with intergalactic travel? Because if so, we have A LOT to talk about.



Monkeydust said:


> You somehow bumped into Janine and XEPER, who were out on a date, at your local curry house. You then proceeded to meet up with that person writing an article about you in the local paper, had sex with her, then found out that she was, in fact, Sojourner. Then you got in a fist fight with John Prescott and ended up with a black eye and cancer, which you later found out was a misdiagnosis but only after you acquired an auxilliary arsehole.
> 
> Am I hot or cold?


This was going to be my second guess.

Don't keep us in the dark about this Martin. We don't want this to turn into another "Countdown" thread where everyone sits on the edge of their seats while trying to decrypt an incomprehensible poem. :roll:


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

I just logged on and I noticed that Martin was also online. I waited to see if he would make a response but he was gone a couple of minutes later. I wonder if he is ok? And I mean that seriously.

Ignore - I just noticed his fame post.....


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Hee hee. A very intersting and amusing number of guesses. Some of you are quite close, but what happened is more of a sequence of events, including a fair amount of luck, misjudgement, rage, the stirring of the loins, accidents, and so forth. Although some of you spot-on with me being pregnant. Thank god for having a second arsehole eh?

1.) Woke up last Friday to find a huuuuuuge spider squashed under my face.

2.) Shower was broken. Freezing cold shower.

3.) My carton of orange juice had completely soaked the entire contents of my rucksack, including a manuscript and a new book I was just about to read.

4.) Walked down the stairs and twisted my ankle.

5.) Hobbled out of the house in bright sunshine for my daily five mile walk. As I approached the point on no return (in the middle of the country, no shelter), it pissed down with rain.........relentlessely.

6.) Walked into a coffee shop and had a miserable cup of coffee. After a while a women came up to me and said..."Didn't I see you in the paper?" I said, "er, well, yes", with as much false modesty as I could muster. Anyway, to cut a long story short - we swapped numbers. Amazing.

7.) That evening, we had a fantastic date, everything was going well...until she said she was a 'God fearing woman. My faith is very important for me'. Without thinking, I said..'Oh, I'm sorry for you.' She left.


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## Guest (Aug 23, 2005)

Number 7


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

Just goes to show, there must a god for something that ironic to happen :lol:

Only you, Martin, only you


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Haha!!!! Wow....that is the most ironic thing I've ever heard. Send her number this way Martin, as long as she is half-decent looking. Do you really say the things you type?

Peace
Homeskooled :wink:


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

What was Martin doing in the paper?


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

Mr Mole your response with the laughing emoticons broke me up. Nothing like kicking the boot in when your mates down. I don't know...it must be an aussie thing.

Martin, just goes to show that the lord certainly works in mysterious ways!


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Homeskooled - believe me, life has decided that I never have an easy ride. I could fill a book with the stupid things I've done, said, or experienced. Ask JC - he's up to date with my ridiculous life. First time I met him I had a black eye after being attacked for no reason, we got shatteringly pissed, won a pub quiz, got hassled by some drunks which was tantamount to assault...all within the space of an hour. And that was a somewhat uneventful time. Last night I was burning some newspapers in the back garden, and my slippers caught fire.

And yes, she was half decent looking. I would have allowed her into my bed, if I wasn't such a f**k wit and learned when it is best to close my bit fat gob.


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