# Is it possible?



## WANTTOBEBETTER (May 4, 2009)

Is it possible if you look hard enough for something your mind could trick you into seeing it while in our mindset? I have this fear of my DP/DR,anxiety, depression, and, Obsessive being caused by takina 1/2 hit of acid 25 years aso. I know I have had problems before that time though. I am constantly looking for the symptoms of HPPD. Static vision, trails, color confusion, geometric shapes, halos on lights, starburst. Hppd scares the crap out of me. I hate to think that I am in a permanent Hell of hallucinations.

Here is why I ask. I am always moving my hand in front of my face to see if I can see trails. Usually I see nothing, maybe a very slight afterimage. In certain light at dusk, I believe I see the faintest trail following my hand. Also when I used to smoke in the dark, I would move the cigarette in a circle(like a sparkler) and after I stopped the trail would catch up with the cigarette after 1 second. I have slight static when I look at the sky, and I have floaters. But none of the other stuff like walls breathing or hallucination. I do see a small spark of light in my vision every now and then.

Am I being obseesive and talking myself into seeing this stuff or am I infact ruined from that one bad choice decades ago.

The problem is when I resolve this my mind will latch onto something else.

Thanks,
Greg


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## melbilnz (Oct 31, 2009)

My first bout of DP/DR was after an acid trip along with full blown HPPD. It lasted for about three months, but when I moved out of my town and started a new career, the symptoms disappeared over a few days (I went from suicidal to normal in under a week). What cured me was forgetting about HPPD...and behold, my mind was back to normal. I was so busy moving, meeting people, etc. to even think of it. In all honesty, I don't believe HPPD truly exists, because I recovered from it...and in hindsight, I know what was happening.

I feel what happened is that OCD/Anxiety prone minds and mind-bending drugs don't mix. Most people can shake off a bad trip like a a scary skydiving incident. But not us...we obsess over it, and our minds, and start worrying and panicking until we end up here in a state of self analysis and terror that can rob years off our life.

LSD is well known to not cause damage even in massive amounts. Most HPPD symptoms are present in normal people who have never done drugs: static, trails, closed eye visuals, geometric patterns, etc. I remember reading that a doctor treating an HPPD patient was able to make walls bend, too, just by listening to his patient describe it. I feel that HPPD is mostly psychosomatic.

I brought this debate up on the HPPD board in hopes of being helpful and didn't get a very warm reception, so I quit going there. There's a lot of drama, false information, quack neurology theories, and other crap on there that isn't worth wasting your time on if you are focused on recovery. I remember reading another guy on there who recovered through CBT, proving to me even more that HPPD is psychological.

I think HPPD and DP/DR are very closely related as a stress reaction to percieved drug damage. And I am beginning to think that DP/DR is a wicked stepsister to OCD, or possibly even an OCD subtype. I would like to see other people's thoughts on that.

I had a relapse of DP/DR (no HPPD) in 2006. It was mostly due depression over turning 30, a career change, having to switch my degree major, and an old romantic interest returning into my life under disturbing circumstances. I was also smoking a lot of pot at the time it hit, too. Who knows what brought it up.

My history of mental illness:
Symmetry/counting OCD as a child. Hypocondria and AIDS OCD during my tween years. OCD over tele-evangelists around 16. Another bout of germ OCD around age 17. HPPD/DP/DR after a bad acid trip at 18. Another bout of contamination OCD in my twenties that required medication. DP/DR relapse at age 30 to present.


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## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

as for the ocd. i seem to think that people who suffer from "dp" are fixated in a vicious cycle keeping the feelings of "dp" alive. this "cycle" is something i consider unique that should atleast be discussed somewhere on here. i think that because it seems to me that this "cycle" is the cause of "dp". and it does seem very obsessive, but there are reasons it becomes obsessive. i think people suffering from "dp" are unaware of what the conflicts actually are or else they would be able to resolve the conflicts and cause the suffering to ultimatley go away.


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## WANTTOBEBETTER (May 4, 2009)

Thanks guys,

I am very anxiety ridden, highly obsessive, and depressed. I guess I have been searching for a reason I have DR/DP. I live in this strange dreamworld all the time. Looking for a way out.
Have had this sensation of nothing being real, things looking different and just weird, hazy, etc.. since I was 10. I realize I am super sensitive to how the world looks and looking for weird things and maybe my mind is making up some of these symptoms. I feel you are correct in saying alot people who never taken drugs have the same visual symptoms sometimes. I believe I am looking so hard for something to scare me that I thing I am seeing something that everyone sees. If I see anything it is so slight that no one would notice or is the same way an average person would see things.

I did not even have a bad trip on the small amount of LSD, the half hit I did do just kept me up all night watching TV. No hallucinations or visuals at all. I have smoked weed a few times and it makes the panic, DR, and weirdness 1000 times worse. This leads me to believe that alot of what I have is just a chemical imbalnce that could be corrected If I just could find the elusive miracle pill. Wishful thinking.

Thanks for the replies, I just need constant reassurance I am not going mad, destined for the assylum.


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## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

i always try to figure out whats causes me to feel so bad too. i think it can help to know. i wrote about what i think my problems are, if you are interested to discuss it. and other people have discussed there ideas too. however i found that its not a good idea to become consumed by it, just gotta take it easy.


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## nabber (Feb 13, 2009)

I've always had HPPD along with my dp/dr. After fifeteen years I still see floaters, sparkles, trails, objects swaying back and fort, everything is kind of wobbly, like heat rising from a paved road.. Mostly the sparkles bother me the most, especially driving in the snow without sunglasses after a short night of sleep, it's like my whole field of view is the fourth of july. I've always had a very large floater in my left eye, it's like a spider all knotted up with legs sticking out..

The visual side of this whole thing has never really bothered me though, well within the past nine years I'd say.. I dont even notice my HPPD unless i'm focusing on it


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## WANTTOBEBETTER (May 4, 2009)

Thanks nabber,
It makes me think if I have visuals that means your brain is messed up also. In a drug induced psychosis. Madness without hope. Like I said prior, I did not abuse anything, tried once. Could that limited exposure make me this way? I don't have those drastic of visuals, mostly floaters and maybe imagined trails or afterimage?? Do you think the strange DP/DR, OCD, depression state of mind could also cause these visual disturbances.

Is there such a thing as "CLASSIC" DP/DR vision (non drug induced)? Could anyone comment on these type of visual problems. (I remember as a kid before any type of drug use, my vison was like yellow haze, dreamlike looking, sometimes dark and hazy, fake looking.)

I guess you can tell I am torn over this. Can't get it of my mind.

Greg


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## Mario (Oct 26, 2009)

Hello Greg
Yes people with depression,OCD,etc,and specially with DP(many non drug induced DP,like myself),have described different kinds of visual problems such as: tunnel vision,floaters,a sense of seeing things more dark,blurry vision and so on.

Here in the forum there is a post by the member tommygunz with a very good supplement regimen that i believe could be of great help in your case,because this regimen is mainly focused on reducing the levels of anxiety/depression/DP/DR and has helped others in the forum.

Below,please find the link to that post:

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/18746-read-this-if-you-want-to-recover-no-bullshit/page__p__173540__fromsearch__1&#entry173540
1st post of the topic

I hope you to find it helpful

All the best


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## WANTTOBEBETTER (May 4, 2009)

Hi Mario,
Thanks for your reply. It does make me feel better. I already am on so many meds I hate to add more. The B12 thig does sound promising. Sometimes I need someone just to smack me and say "It is all normal - just like the rest of us"

Wow this is hard.


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## nabber (Feb 13, 2009)

WANTTOBEBETTER said:


> Thanks nabber,
> It makes me think if I have visuals that means your brain is messed up also. In a drug induced psychosis. Madness without hope. Like I said prior, I did not abuse anything, tried once. Could that limited exposure make me this way? I don't have those drastic of visuals, mostly floaters and maybe imagined trails or afterimage?? Do you think the strange DP/DR, OCD, depression state of mind could also cause these visual disturbances.
> 
> Is there such a thing as "CLASSIC" DP/DR vision (non drug induced)? Could anyone comment on these type of visual problems. (I remember as a kid before any type of drug use, my vison was like yellow haze, dreamlike looking, sometimes dark and hazy, fake looking.)
> ...


I'm sure it's been covered somewhere, but it makes you wonder the differences between drug induced visuals, vs non. I know there are a lot of people that have HPPD but don't have feelings of dp/dr.


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## melbilnz (Oct 31, 2009)

I would like to see the results if people started treating HPPD and DP/DR as anxiety disorders rather than neurological ones. I am no expert, but I truly feel that HPPD is just someone with an OCD predisposotion who gave it the fuel it needed through drug use. Once OCD finds a reason to manifest itself, it can be ruthless. Remember the hysteria AIDS caused OCD sufferers? And I can see OCD recreating visuals from an LSD trip. My other OCD manifestations (like germs or violent thoughts) created their own set of sensations that feel very real to you at the moment, but seem silly once you snap out of the spell.

I am not an expert and wonder what other people think, it's just something I want to throw out there. I mean, what else is there to lose? I know most of the medical community hasn't cured HPPD. People have cured themselves of HPPD, though, mainly through distraction or CBT (sound familiar for another disorder we all know too well?).

I have read several pieces of literature noting the similarities between DP/DR and OCD. One even showed abnormal activity in the same brain hemispheres. It definitely needs looking into.


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