# I feel so alone



## Leannejoanx (Dec 1, 2016)

I am struggling to fall asleep. This feeling of my mind not being connected to my body has taken over my life. I feel it all the time, it won't go away, I want to feel real. I feel so useless, mad, crazy, unpredictable. I can't remember the last time I felt connected. Maybe I was about 9. 13 years ago to be exact. It is the most awful thing not being able to recognise your own reflection, common objects around me are so unfamiliar, sounds seem so distant, smells don't connect with my senses. I'm lost and I feel I'm going mad. I am having help from the adults mental health team.

I have never spoken to anyone who suffers from depersonalization before, I think it might help me to know I'm not alone and someone else is feeling this all the time too?


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## 103905 (Nov 30, 2016)

Hmm i have had trouble of sleeping but not how you have it mine was from a different thought, but don't worry i have seen people with your same problem, you are not alone just know that. It really sucks how we all have to deal with things like this, but know you will get better. Have you seen anyone? Taking any medication? Done stuff to try to forget about that feeling?


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## Lostsoul26 (Nov 9, 2016)

You are not alone.im here in my room feeling strange even typing this.idk who this 25yr old women is typing this and yes it does scare me to death.I am constantly blank minded.walking around and talking with no real feeling or thought behind it.I look in the mirror n see a woman I dont know.I am tired of being this way


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## Leannejoanx (Dec 1, 2016)

Thank you for your replies. I just feel like giving up. It is so hard to try and live normally when I don't even know who I am anymore.

Yes I see a therapist every few weeks and I take anti-depressants for my anxiety symptoms. I have tried so many things but this depersonalization won't budge.


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## Lostsoul26 (Nov 9, 2016)

Im the same exact way been in this hell full blown for 8yrs now.just now driving around town I wanted to bust out crying I feel this feeling of complete doom like nothing makes sense to me or means anything anymore n im just living cuz im scared to die n go to hell.thats were I feel like im going I font feel any were near heaven.I feel nothing gold I feel dead n im scared.I lost me along long time ago when I was just a teenager n this 25yr old woman had no idea who she is.


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## Lostsoul26 (Nov 9, 2016)

How did it start for you leannejoanx???


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## Raenny (Dec 6, 2016)

I have expierienced some feeling like litteral my soul dropping out of my body imediate sepparation and prolonged with what the fuck to do to get back to being in my body. I feel that this is something that is often white knuckled/ clenching the blood out of your hands. But think that the fear of no control is the biggest culprit and perhaps see some behsvioral therapy can help...try this...putting a puzzle together is an easy and stimulating controlable task...find something that u can choose...something that is enjoyable or should be and make it the thing you do regularily and also the thing you go to when you are feeling outside yourself. If u r really having a hard time finding the focus for your task then realize this; whats going on when you are reaching this state what is really going on is not this distress you are feeling but you taking yourself out of the victim position and putting that fucking puzzle together because you are not your sickness. Then when you accomplish this try doing it with a smile. Lol YOU ARE NOT ALONE


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## Raenny (Dec 6, 2016)

Ladies. I am 36 now. I am still working at functioning better and better. There is light for any who are willing to endure search and discovery. At your age i felt like there was no point to anything and even exactly this...why kill myself i dont believe it will just be over and whatever after could be even worse so just waiting it out seemed right but i decided that its so much more sensible and economical to wait it out in the sun with my shades. You choose to fight. Fight? Whats that? Knowing what u want and taking it. You are sick you are not going to improve without taking action. What action to take??? I decided that life is for joy because only happiness can breed happiness and finding your joy is your armour. Tend your armour... I am about this... I love this...i will this and i am good with being the need the want and the fullfillment of whatever i take on. I am not that i climed mount Vesuvius i am the desire the path and the outcome of my choices. My choices. Choosing taking action fight for your growth and be devoted to yourself be devoted to what makes you live. Got no passion? Theres a whole fucking world outside your nightmare take a mecca and go find some world to love. Its your stage and only u will ever see the whole story.


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## Raenny (Dec 6, 2016)

Leanne. If you can see that you are a living form that you animate your body then you can see that there is a you you just dont revognize yourself... As u stated/ my point is if the quest is recognition then the question is how do we define a person...by what they do? By what they say? What they choose? What do u choose? What of your day are your actual choices? Are u doing things u rather wouldnt? What would u like to do? Try something new and keep trying something new until you feel a joy. I have been there. You are not alone. Choose life. Never give up. Not for one single moment. I know it is hard and there are a lot of long times where we feel like giving up for extended periods of time ugh but you are onky away from yourself durring these times. U must find your way to your heart and live there. Dont give up. Your life extends all your years not ever just a bad day or letting that bad day reoeat. No one can have all bad years abd if anyone ever could there still must be varrying years because change is the only certainty.


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## Leannejoanx (Dec 1, 2016)

Lostsoul26 said:


> How did it start for you leannejoanx???


I was around the age of 9/10 when I first felt disconnected from my body. I was stood in the doorway of my classroom. It only lasted about 10 seconds, I laughed and walked away. Over time the feeling of DP grew worse and more frequently and intense.


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## imsickofthis (Dec 9, 2016)

I don't know.

I guess I just feel.................. empty.

I get better and more alive once I forget about the things that burden me, but it doesn't last. I can't forget them forever.

The thoughts just come back and make me feel hopeless, but I don't know if that's something else.

I just don't feel

REAL.

Like the actual, breathing, ALIVE real. The kind of real that makes you happy to be living, happy to be here on this earth, feeling the ground beneath your feet and the carpet in between your toes.

Lately

I've been numb.

Ive been acting weird, I just don't feel like me.

I'm trying to create a new me.

I've felt this way for 2 years.

I've only known what dp was called for a few months, and it's given me so much relief knowing that this is a real thing and im not going crazy.

But I feel crazy, I don't feel like me.

And it's scaring me.

And I just want to know, how can I stop dp? I think the cause is a mixture of caffeine, stress, sleep deprivation, anxiety, and ptsd.

I'm 16.

I'll never be 16 again.

I just want to know how to enjoy being young while it lasts, because I've wasted so much time stuck out of reality that I don't know who I am anymore.


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## Blayze (Jan 6, 2017)

Hey don't get yourself down guys. Listen to this guys story. It's truly inspirational and I cry every time I hear it. It let's me know that I'm going to be okay.


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## Blayze (Jan 6, 2017)

This guy may seriously help some of you out.


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