# recovery - 10 months on



## Jodie (Oct 14, 2014)

So i'm starting to forget why DP even bothered me...... i very rarely even think about my consciousness anymore, just at little points. It lasts for literally 10 seconds because i have noticed so much that thinking about this is what initiates the stress and the OCD linked with the DP cycle.

i had these weird moments about 6-9 months into recovery where i would focus on my eyesight and consciousness (not like in the beginning where i was focused on it 24/7, but i would just remember after a long period and focus in on that stuff again) I would Depersonalise and just feel like there was no me even though i am me... It felt like I was at one with time and my surroundings, not in a good way, in a really far out daydream hard to explain in words.. I went so far away from focussed in my mind it's like i forgot who i was momentarily and couldnt differenciate (i think in hind sight i was thinking way too deep and just went weird)... was a little trippy would have to just not focus on it and distract myself, tell myself it would go away & obviously i am here haha... i would try to not think too deeply about it and it would dissipate.

I have honestly forgotten the worst of what happened.. i next to never have surges of anxiety or over-think about existential stuff anymore - if you read my past posts this is really a miracle i was crippled with them and so very scared of my existence. Fuck it we live once... i've gone out there and seized my life again (as scared and unsure as i was) it really seems to have paid off so far.. i try to keep as stress free as possible, no drugs no drinking. i have smoked cigs the whole way through as i was always a heavy smoker (i mentally think they help my anxiety) i do still avoid caffeine as much as possible though, it can trigger me to over-think

 stay positive


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## Guest (Jul 20, 2015)

Awesome post Jodie, thanks for the update!


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