# i'm terrified!



## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

'm so scared right now...i have to start the birth control ring tonight (which is a hormone treatment) and if you've read my personal story on this forum you'll understand why i'm so nervous about it. i wouldn't even have dp/dr if it weren't for ortho tricyclin (a bc pill). i wouldn't mess around with any hormone supplements but i have extremely severe endometriosis (which means that i grow cysts on my ovaries that burst every month and the pain is crippling)...soooo, unless i want to have a hysterectomy within the next couple of years, i have to take some type of bc pill/treatment...and i've tried everything else. the side effects from everything have been terrible, ranging from dp/dr to severe cystic acne...the last thing i tried, which was the patch, made me throw up for an entire week while i tried to "wait it out" on my doctor's suggestion. i lost 15 pounds and finally took it off so i could go back to work and start eating again.

i've been doing so well with my dp/dr...it's been so mild for the past couple of years. i just don't want to fuck it all up, but i don't think i have any other options...i mean, i'd just get the damned hysterectomy but who's to say *that* wouldn't make my dp/dr worse...AAARRRGGG!!!

so anyhow, wish me luck please! i'll need it, i think.


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## Guest (Jan 31, 2006)

wishing you luck
-mike


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## Kelson12 (Aug 10, 2004)

Good luck! It will be fine! DP is in your head, don't let it get you cause of this!


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

oh, and another thing...i have talked to everyone from doctors, to my family, to my friends, to my boyfriend about how fucking scared i am about hormone treatments making my dp/dr worse and no one can understand. it just sucks! no one except you guys could understand how horrible this disorder is. everyone else says stuff like "oh, it'll be alright...if your depersonalization gets worse, you can just stop the ring." THAT DIDN'T HELP WHEN I FIRST GOT DP! it took 8 f-ing months for my dp to get to a manageable level after i stopped taking the ortho tricyclin. 8 months...and it's still not gone all the way...after 5 years.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

thanks mike and kelson!  it really does help that i can get support from people who *know*...you know?


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## Guest (Jan 31, 2006)

Yeah this is a difficult scenario. Neither option sounds good. I hope everything works for you. I guess there's no way you could use something that could be controlled so you could reduce the dosage if necessary. Then good luck, agentc. Hormones are mystifying.


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## Guest (Jan 31, 2006)

Luckily life is pretty perverse. So what you expect can often be the opposite of what happens.


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## jenn43 (Jan 13, 2006)

how do u know birth control is what caused your dp? I often try to go through all the meds Ive been on throughout my lifetime and try to find if I can pinpoint one


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## Dreamland (Jun 1, 2005)

Hi...thizz izz GERALDO RIVERA for Foxx newzz..
do birth control pillzz cauzze DP or izz izz it in their head..?
sstay tuned next week..when I will reveal my experience with birth control pillszz, namely a B cup bust ssize and an unexplained attraction to The Factor host Bill O'Reilly.


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## subtlerobot (Oct 15, 2005)

> Hi...thizz izz GERALDO RIVERA for Foxx newzz..
> do birth control pillzz cauzze DP or izz izz it in their head..?
> sstay tuned next week..when I will reveal my experience with birth control pillszz, namely a B cup bust ssize and an unexplained attraction to The Factor host Bill O'Reilly.


XD


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

Dreamland said:


> Hi...thizz izz GERALDO RIVERA for Foxx newzz..
> do birth control pillzz cauzze DP or izz izz it in their head..?
> sstay tuned next week..when I will reveal my experience with birth control pillszz, namely a B cup bust ssize and an unexplained attraction to The Factor host Bill O'Reilly.


You are obsessed with O'Reilly, aren't you? You should call him sometime. I heard he likes to talk on the phone with women, especially producers. Bring that falafel thing too. I like Megan Kendyll and Jane Skinner.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

well, i did some research and depersonalization is listed as a side effect of the nuva ring...now i'm even more scared. and i didn't sleep well last night due to nervousness, so i'm feeling really derealized right now because of that...but my stupid head is telling me that i'm derealized because of the ring...ug!


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

agentcooper said:


> well, i did some research and depersonalization is listed as a side effect of the nuva ring...now i'm even more scared. and i didn't sleep well last night due to nervousness, so i'm feeling really derealized right now because of that...but my stupid head is telling me that i'm derealized because of the ring...ug!


I wouldn't worry, really. A lot of med's I've taken list "sudden death" as a possible side effect. They have to put all that stuff down, just in case -- for legal purposes. Try to find some comfort in that fact.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

thank you 1A...i am trying to be rational about this whole thing but i'm finding myself unable.


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## Guest (Jan 31, 2006)

agentcooper said:


> thank you 1A...i am trying to be rational about this whole thing but i'm finding myself unable.


No wonder. So what are you going to do?


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

i guess i'll just try not too think about it too much...i don't know what else to do. i could just take it out, but i think i need to do something about this stupid endometriosis.


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

I'm really sorry to hear about what your going through. The ring is less severe than oral birthcontrol and the Depovera (sp?) injections, so you really might be okay Agentcooper. Taking medicines for me nowadays is like a catch 22. I need to take them, but they make my porphyria and liver worse. So I take the least harmful at the lowest dose. You can also try the Ortho Tricyclen Lo - it has lower levels of hormones in it. And I read up on endometriosis a while ago, and I beleive that eating soy and taking phytoestrogen supplements can help as well, as well as, beleive it or not, ginseng. I wish I had more constructive medical advice, but I have to admit, women's medicine is the one field of medicine that I feel I dont have a really strong grasp of. Gynecology is very touchy and very complicated. Take it easy, relax, and hope that it settles down your relapses of endo, and doesnt play too much havoc with your mind. If I run across more info, I'll let you know. You can always try just taking the phytoestrogens.

Peace
Homeskooled


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## Methusala (Dec 22, 2005)

I just wanted to share the info that I had a girl friend with endometreosis and DP. She had significant uterus issues, was infertile, and her Docs didn't put her on BC for her issues. She watched her body fat levels to influence her estrogen, which effected her condition, at least according to her. She also had significant childhood issues. This is pure speculation, but it may have been in her case that endometriosis and/or surgery helped initiate DP after becoming susceptible in childhood, since she wasn't on BC. So BC might not turn out to be that bad.

I think you have some good insight in an important and very little understood and appreciated area, the connection between endometriosis, hormones and DP. I wish you luck in hopefully finding and communicating with the best research Doctors in this area, because you are worth it and new understanding would also help many other people.

M


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

agentcooper,
please ask your doctor about the mini pill. it is more expensive but it doesnt have the same amount of hormones.. no estrogen.


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/minipill.htm


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## 1A (Aug 12, 2004)

agentcooper said:


> i guess i'll just try not too think about it too much...i don't know what else to do. i could just take it out, but i think i need to do something about this stupid endometriosis.


Actually, do think about it. Since it's concerning you, you should address everything about it. I just wouldn't give it the power to get worked up over. The side effects (possible) in the literature for lots of over-the-counter meds is crazy. Again, they just list all of those side effects because, although many are extremely rare, they're trying to protect themselves (manufacturers).


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## rainboteers (Apr 5, 2005)

yikes.. that was a terrible suggestion on my part...

Mini-Pills increase the risk of having functional ovarian cysts. They also very slightly increase the risk of ectopic pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg attaches and grows outside the uterus. This can be very dangerous and requires emergency medical attention. To protect your health, watch out for the Mini-Pill's danger signs.

sorry.. all i knew was that it was low hormone... whoops


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Coop,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're worried about this. I have yet to actually read your personal story and so don't know your total history but one thing i do know is that DP and anxiety can both be controlled and stopped by a strong mind, which is what you have. You've proved this by beating it before. In fact, it's additionally easy for you as you can attribute it to a chemical manifestation as opposed to just a vague notion of "something being wrong". Worst case scenario is that you end up feeling all DPed again (is DPed an adjective, noun or verb?)...in that case, you'll have us to catch your fall and you'll bounce right back up again in a few months. That's worst case.

I'm going to read your personal story tonight though. I'm sorry this isn't very helpful. I'm at work and i've got a million things going on at once.

s.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

thank you so much everyone for being so supportive 

homeskooled: doesn't it suck to *have* to take pills even when you know they are going to mess you up? it makes me so angry!

rainboteers: i believe i have taken the minipill before and it really messed me up. i have literally tried everything on the market (except for one really awful treatment that puts your body into menopause).

sebastian: it is nice to know that you guys are all here to catch me! it's just good to have support from everyone on here. and thank you for saying i have a strong mind...i'm really not feeling that way right now.


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## Homeskooled (Aug 10, 2004)

Yes, Coop, it does, and I'm sorry to have to see the same thing happen to you. All I can say is read up, ask alot of questions, and be conservative. If you ever need any medical help, let me know. Best of luck, and dont sweat it - I think you've made a wise choice! Goodnight, and sleep well this evening....

Peace
Homeskooled


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## Mollusk (Nov 12, 2005)

It seems like you have chosen the safest and best option to treat your problem so don't worry so much. The only thing to do seems to be to try to keep it off your mind and go about your life. Try not to think about it unless you feel it is making things worse. Then you know its actually the ring and not just in your head.

Good luck with your treatment.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

just an update for you guys on the situation with the nuvaring. i started it on monday, and on monday and tuesday i was fine. on wednesday i started feeling a bit out of it and on thursday i was so horribly derealized i hardly remember most of the day. it was terrible because i had to work both of my jobs (i'm a teacher and i also work at starbucks at night). i called my mom at about 8 (i was still at starbucks trying to work), because i was so confused i didn't really know what was going on...i kept falling and running into walls. i didn't know if i should take the ring out or what to do. she told me later, that i wasn't making much sense. i was crying too, i guess, though i don't really remember the conversation very well. she told me to take the ring out, so i did. i've been feeling a bit better (though the weekend was awful!). hopefully i get back to my normal mild level of derealization. 

i suppose the only good thing about the experience is that i can now safely say i have tried *everything* for my endometriosis, and the only thing that has worked is surgery. i can tell doctors that and hopefully they will believe me, because i sure as hell can't try any hormone replacement therapies ever again. i never want to go through that again! i'm really bummed out that this was the last resort and side effects were so awful...


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Coop,

I hope you're feeling a little better now. I assume you've completely stopped with the nuvaring. At the very least you can attribute your derealization to something external. I'm sure that once you're off it the feelings of confusion, disorientation, and general DPness will wash away.

Let us know how you're doing...i hate this stupid disorder even more when i hear how it effects someone as kind as you.

By the way, you should know that disorders like this that are bourne from the swampy morass of anxiety and/or hormones/emotion, are legendary for their throwing otherwise very sane people into temporary states of emotional disarray. This terror that you're feeling will pass in time Coop...and with you probably quicker than most of us as it has an external catalyst.

In any case, hope you're doing better.

s.


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## alexishoward (Feb 1, 2006)

hey, i think my dp started from bc as well. I started taking ortho tricylen (sp?) at age 18 and a few weeks into it, i started having derealization/depersonalization, anxiety, floaters and a billion other eye problems. so i too blame it on bc. after a year or so passed when i got a little better, i started back on bc and my doc put me on the nuvaring and sure enough it all came back times 3. i know what your going though and it really sucks!


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Agentcooper...I can't comment on this, being a dude and clueless, but I know for a fact that almost everything 'might' cause DR/DP. So, in a perverse way, it makes it less likely that your hormone treatment is going to have any effect.

Either way, don't worry. And I hope it all goes well.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

sebastian said:


> Coop,
> 
> I hope you're feeling a little better now. I assume you've completely stopped with the nuvaring. At the very least you can attribute your derealization to something external. I'm sure that once you're off it the feelings of confusion, disorientation, and general DPness will wash away.
> 
> ...


thank you so much for your kind words sebastian. i'm doing much better now. i'm hoping that since i only had it in for a very short length of time (4 days or so), the dp/dr effects will go away completely...well, at least i hope that i will get back to my usual mild dr.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

alexishoward said:


> hey, i think my dp started from bc as well. I started taking ortho tricylen (sp?) at age 18 and a few weeks into it, i started having derealization/depersonalization, anxiety, floaters and a billion other eye problems. so i too blame it on bc. after a year or so passed when i got a little better, i started back on bc and my doc put me on the nuvaring and sure enough it all came back times 3. i know what your going though and it really sucks!


WOW!!! i'm going to pm you right away...but i'm so glad i'm not the only person in the world who got it from ortho tricyclen! i mean, i'm not glad that you have it, but i am happy i'm not alone. i've had doctors tell me there is no way in hell *anyone* could get dp/dr from bc pills (which is totally insane, because hormones can make people depressed/anxious/etc...so why couldn't they contribute to dp/dr?). they've also said that any negative side effects would go away in 24 hours! which is also a load of crap. my first bout with severe dp/dr lasted 8 months after i stopped taking the ortho tricyclen...and it's never completely gone away. and just like you, the ring made me severely dred...to the point of falling into things and not being able to remember what happened minutes ago.


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## agentcooper (Mar 10, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> Agentcooper...I can't comment on this, being a dude and clueless, but I know for a fact that almost everything 'might' cause DR/DP. So, in a perverse way, it makes it less likely that your hormone treatment is going to have any effect.
> 
> Either way, don't worry. And I hope it all goes well.


thanks martin  the ring did indeed make me incredibly derealized but i took it out and i'm feeling almost back to normal. my derealization is directly connected to my hormones so i think anything that effects hormones is out...i can't take it.


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