# this sucks



## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

i just wanna say: this f ucking sucks. what a nightmare.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I agree. I'm so f ucking sick of waking up like this. I'm sick of researching it. I'm about to give up. Afraid of going crazy? If this isn't crazy, then what the hell is!


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

york said:


> If this isn't crazy, then what the hell is!


That's a damn good question, and I better not hear anyone say "Schizophrenia." Anything sounds better than another day of fog and nothingness. That description doesn't even fit anymore. Someone cut me open with a butter-knife.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Hey guys, Im in the same boat as you, or atleast in a similar one cus I cannot know the exact state of your suffering. But im experiencing what can only be described as the brain being on the edge of complete shutdown, my "sense of self" or just "self" included. But think about all the great things in the world, just because we have been f ucked over by this condition doesnt mean that we are completely f ucked. There is always hope. I take comfort in knowing that with our without me,Out there is still beauty in all its forms, love, happiness, respect, music, film, art, you name it. 
And I am convinced that I/We will get better and enjoy our lives again. Please do not lose your hope my bro and my h..uhm sis i guess, If you commit suicide i?ll f ucking kill you.

I also take comfort in the qoute from some medical-site that someone pasted in another thread, kenny has already seen this but maybe you havent ho/sis/york/anne(i think its Anne yeah?):

_"most authorities believe that, due to the current lack of empirically supported treatments, the most feasible intervention is to assist the patient in attaining some level of ease and constancy, away from distressing interactions."_

By constancy I think they mean consistency.

Peace guys.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

hugs to Chris bro and Anne sis


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

I love you, Man. (unintentional movietitle namedrop)


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## Rein (Apr 29, 2008)

surfingisfun001 said:


> i just wanna say: this f ucking sucks. what a nightmare.


Couldn't agree more.  
There seem to be no end to this suffering anymore.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

If you feel like that Rein, do some crazy shit to break the hellish routine! Preferably something that doesnt hurt anyone else or yourself too much tho. I would if i could just think of something. I mean what do you have to lose!

You live in the "do crazy shit" capital of the world.

Yes Im trying to get you to smoke weed. If you really are at rock bottom, go to a small coffeeshop, ask for the strongest most boomshackalack crazy shit they have, and see what happens. or go to the red light district and get your d ick sucked, I dunno. Peace man. Dont give up.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

... Or you could seek help from a doctor/psychiatrist. Like go to a hospital and demand help. Dont accept being put in line etc, you are desperate.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Lol Chris.... you are really fuuny, I don't know if you even realize it. You guys should take karate. Get a good workout, sweat yourself dry, and let the knuckles bleed. I just started training and it kicks ass. We meet 3 times a week in a small "dojo" and practice moves and what not. I'm new to this, today will be my third time but I look forward to going.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Also this is not only for guys, women train in the art of self defense too. I actually have a friend who is female and places 4th in the world for her division. That's right - watch out fellas. It's so extremely funny because when you meet this girl you would never guess that she kicks ass. She's extremely lady-like, gentle, and sweet. Then someone will say "hey I heard you do karate, can you show me a kick or something?" Humbly she will then do a crazy kick that would knock out a horse.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

I totally agree on the physical workout. And I totally do not do it. Well I walked 3 and a half miles yesterday and I just came back in from a short walk now but, I dont do it often enough. Jordan/Optimysrhyme has been bugging me for ages to join a gym and I know I should. Im gonna do some dishes now, cya ladies.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

I would take into consideration any advice Jordan has to offer. He has made astonishing progress since I met him last year in the fall. I'd say he's well on his way to mastering himself.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Yup. He is a mastah.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Inzom!! That's crap advice!! Do NOT SMOKE WEED!!! This CAN get worse, believe me! You do not want to f uck with your brain at this point. As I am older than Inzom and therefor wiser ( :mrgreen: ), Rein, you need to listen to me: Stay clean and treat yourself well. That goes for all of you. There are some nice parks in Amsterdam, buy yourself a take-away coffee and some magazines and lay down on the grass. _The only grass you should touch_. Then relax.

Oh, and take a look at this crazy m otherfucker, I like his view on things:





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3kQgE1t ... re=channel

Ha ha.. Old hippie, got to love him.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Ok, so obviously someone types faster than me..


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

She may look 19, but her wisdom reaches far beyond. I would have to agree that grass is for looking at/walking on rather than lighting up and smoking in most of our cases here.


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## OZ3 (Jun 1, 2009)

F uck this shit aswell. F uck it right up its stupid little ass. I've had enough of this optimism bull crap.

I can't remember the last damn time I had a good night of sleep. No, let me rephrase: I can't remember the last time I slept for more than 2 hours without waking up in a terrified and disjointed confusion.

If I were to get killed tomorrow, it would be with a feeling of relief, and not a heavy heart.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Have you sought any help? I mean, if you are having trouble sleeping atleast there are meds that will knock you completely out.


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## Rein (Apr 29, 2008)

Well this can`t get any worse, i`m almost lying on bed the whole day or doing nothing, every day is the same, i can`t read normal, can`t think clear for just one second, almost never leave home, i have continue extreme problems with my family (a crazy, very mean mother + crazy half brother) its all very complex (and i think one of the reasons why dp can`t get away, but i can`t leave because of the dp).
This is the truth for over 10 years, i have seeked help from the beginning but never really got it in al those years, after 2 years of researching now they think they can help me by putting me on a fucking cheesefarm for young people with problems (again with a long waiting list).
I life almost completely in isolation and loneliness (literally!), almost never see someone accept family, can`t leave home on my own anymore, never really been to school since i where 10, and no one understands, sure my family does not (they think i have a fun life not being able to do just something, i really don`t get it).
So if i look at it the only thing i can think of is, just stop it (any other id`s are welcome).
From the first day i had it i thought about suicide because it felt so severe, and i said i can`t life like this what if i have this 10 years? i cant. 
Now i am going to the 11e year, sometimes i think what if i committed suicide that first day i got this shit?, wow that would have saved me from a lot of tough times.
The only two things that prevent me from doing it is 1. I`m not convinced of any god or afterlife, even the cool Buddhist interpretation of reincarnation seem illogical and 2. No one knows my story and i would just die and no one would ever known what i have witness in al that time.
But i can`t care any more.
I`m getting 21 soon and i really don`t know what to do anymore, i never will be able to became the person i could have been without this, even when it would get a bit better, so much years of suffering in isolation can`t be wiped out.

Anybody seen the movie; room 1408? 
Thats my life but without the hallucinations.

If i read this all back it may sound a bit creepy but this is just a bit of the story of my nightmare.

Sorry for bombing this topic and talking about myself, 
but anyone with an good idea please tell.


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## amalgamation (Sep 15, 2009)

believe me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, keep your chin up! i've been there.
love and peace,
heather


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I feel better if I get up and take a walk really early in the morning, or late at night.
I also feel more normal when I write or read. I'm only able to do this if I've taken benzo's though, so I do.
There are tiny moments where I'll feel better and I try and hold on to the memory of those. My life will never be perfect or even ''normal''. I've lowered my expectations, and it's helped.

Rein, I so feel for you. I hope you'll find a way to get better.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Rein you wrote a lot! You didn't bomb the topic at all, saying what you want is what this thread is for. My sympathies go out to you, 10 + years is a lot to suffer.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

York, I enjoy reading your blogspot by the way.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

surfingisfun001 said:


> York, I enjoy reading your blogspot by the way.


Thank you. Tonight's post: The dp'd Carebear. _The Fearbear._ It's art, man.


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## nicolerenee (Jun 18, 2009)

Stay strong you guys!!!


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

york said:


> Tonight's post: The dp'd Carebear. _The Fearbear._ It's art, man.


Your therapist sounds like one of those people who bought a degree through the internet... or maybe she is unstable and insecure herself and that is why she studied psychology and became a therapist... or maybe :idea: ... maybe she has a crush on you!


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Oh hay guys, whats going on in this thread.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Oh shap, York I just came across this and thought of you... you should defo take this opportunity and treat yourself to a good laugh.

http://dougstanhope.com/

Doug Stanhope
Sept 18
Oslo, Norway
Fabrikkhallen


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

PS: Inzom what's up with him hitting up Norway and Finland but not Sweden?! Jacked!!!


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Yeah what the F. Im sure he has perfectly good reasons though. He is Doug Stanhope after all.


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## DemonBlood (May 3, 2009)

I liked Doug Stanhope better when his name was George Carlin. I kid, I kid. :lol:


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Thats alright, Stanhope definately carries on the legacy of Carlin and Hicks. We need people like them. And people that are like them. And we need Doug Stanhope to make us laugh and see things differently


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

surfingisfun001 said:


> PS: Inzom what's up with him hitting up Norway and Finland but not Sweden?! Jacked!!!


It's because swedes have no humor  Except Lasse ?berg. He's cool. 

We'll thanks for the suggestion.. I don't have a babysitter though... Blah.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

ha, im far far from a mastah. thanks for da compliment tho kenny & chris. pretty sure you two are tha coolest cats around.

like chris said, my advice for getting better is hitting up then gym. makes you feel good physically and gives you a natural high mentally.
i was literally at rock bottom a year ago. the gym was the foundation for the getting better efforts i have been putting in. and so far its been successful.

thats so dope that your taking karate ken, once my wrist heals im going to start traininn aswell. we shall have some epic battles when i come to cali this winter.


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