# Do I know how to feel normal?



## miguelmalato (Jan 9, 2012)

I've wrote a similar post in the past, but I don't think I delivered my message as sound as I wanted.

My mind has been plagued by a terrifying doubt in the last few weeks ...
My DP/DR has greatly diminished over the past 6 months, and only recently did I begin to wonder about this issue.

The thing is: Will I ever know how to feel normal again, given that I have lived with this condition for so many years?
I spent my entire teenagehood with this, I first developed it when I was 15 years old and only started to get better at the age of 19.
Depersonalization, became my reality. It consumed me. I got used to it. I tried to live my life in the myst of all this horror...

Now... I don't know if I'm cured or if I'm still suffering...

I have forgot how it was like to feel depersonalized, but I also forgot how it was like to feel before I felt depersonalized.
I know nothing at this point, beside the fact that I got considerably better over a period of months.

Will I ever "know" when I'm fully cured?

Am I fully cured?

Are Depersonalization and Derealization sheer products of my imagination?
The latest has been my number one suspect... Besides feeling depressed, anxious and derealized, I also had a strong dependency on falsifying facts and convincing myself of a parallel reality, my own world, when I was loved, popular, and all was well.
I would dive into an ocean of fantasy, and I would stay there for as long as I could.

My life was a piece of shit, so this fantasy world was too good to pass out. It was my refuge. My self-defense mechanism.

And so, I consider my mind to be pretty powerful when it comes to forging reality and replacing it with false truth.
However, I know that this didn't apply to my suffering of depersonalization, because I the way I felt didn't last for a few minutes while I was hoping things were different.

The way I felt was unique
I couldn't feel my legs, I couldn't recognise myself breathing. I couldn't feel the presence of others... I was dead.

Now, given that I have recovered a lot, I fear that all I am now suffering from a reverse fantasy.
I am afraid I am still suffering. 
And I think that this fear is so large, that it has transformed itself into a real form.

I don't know if this is how I'm supposed to feel or if I'm still suffering from mild DP/DR.

The thing is... I don't know I will ever know how to feel normal again...

With this post I was hoping I could reach out to someone that is recovering and is also in a similar situation. I am desperatly seeking advice on this issue...

Thanks.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

If you want my opinion, a recovered person wouldn't have those thoughts, so I'd say you still have it, you've just spent years feeling that way and as soon as the symptoms diminish you wonder if you're still DP'd.

Just thought I'd say this since everyone that has recovered actually knows it somehow, they got rid of the feelings, thoughts and uncertainities, I have it for 3 years now and throughout those years I've felt my symptoms get stronger and weaker, but I'll never forget this one time where the feelings were completely gone. I can imagine someone having this for several years without any signs of recovery struggling with what you are struggling right now, also I think that you shouldn't actually worry about it, the more you do think about if you still have DP or not the worse you'll feel and end up growing a big amount of uncertainity, and as we know we humans have this bad relationship with the unknown.


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## miguelmalato (Jan 9, 2012)

PositiveThinking! said:


> If you want my opinion, a recovered person wouldn't have those thoughts, so I'd say you still have it, you've just spent years feeling that way and as soon as the symptoms diminish you wonder if you're still DP'd.
> 
> Just thought I'd say this since everyone that has recovered actually knows it somehow, they got rid of the feelings, thoughts and uncertainities, I have it for 3 years now and throughout those years I've felt my symptoms get stronger and weaker, but I'll never forget this one time where the feelings were completely gone. I can imagine someone having this for several years without any signs of recovery struggling with what you are struggling right now, also I think that you shouldn't actually worry about it, the more you do think about if you still have DP or not the worse you'll feel and end up growing a big amount of uncertainity, and as we know we humans have this bad relationship with the unknown.


My problem is I find it hard to distract myself from this ...


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

miguelmalato said:


> My problem is I find it hard to distract myself from this ...


Yeah I understand, I had a tough time dealing with unwanted thoughts myself, you gotta find strength somewhere, find something that cheers you up and gets your mind off these thoughts, something like exercise or a simple walk outside for 1/2 hours. My diet, along with exercise has helped a lot really I never thought I'd feel better that's also something you might wanna try out, oh and having people that actually care about you helps as well so try and bond with people, anything that might 'scare' away those thoughts!


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## miguelmalato (Jan 9, 2012)

PositiveThinking! said:


> Yeah I understand, I had a tough time dealing with unwanted thoughts myself, you gotta find strength somewhere, find something that cheers you up and gets your mind off these thoughts, something like exercise or a simple walk outside for 1/2 hours. My diet, along with exercise has helped a lot really I never thought I'd feel better that's also something you might wanna try out, oh and having people that actually care about you helps as well so try and bond with people, anything that might 'scare' away those thoughts!


Distraction is the key for sure.

But you always know when if it's still there... Still there to haunt you, still there to make your life more miserable...

True distraction is impossible.

(I Don't know why but I feel DP/DR whenever I write in my computer)


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

miguelmalato said:


> Distraction is the key for sure.
> 
> But you always know when if it's still there... Still there to haunt you, still there to make your life more miserable...
> 
> ...


That is somewhat true, when you fear DP and have the feeling that it makes your life miserable you will always know it's there, just like any other fear it gains control over your mind, the only difference is that most of our fears are not there constantly, if you're afraid of snakes, that fear won't really affect your life if you don't live around snakes I guess, while DP is always present and that makes it so much easier to overpower our mind.

As for your intensified DP/DR whenever you write on the computer, that might be related somehow to when you first felt DP, or you simply take a look at what you're writing and get anxious because after all you're talking about something that has made your life a living hell, could also be that you had intense DP crisis while on the computer, therefore intensifying the symptoms.


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## Thidwick (May 30, 2012)

What occurs in an anxiety disorder is the following:

1) You search for an answer.

2) Your Limbic System has access to your senses.

3) It watches you searching for a solution to what you perceive to be a problem.

4) It concludes there must be a problem, purely by analyzing your actions/choices.

5) It initiates the fight/flight response to keep you safe.

6) You feel the fear it produces.

7) You search for an answer.

Stop searching for an answer and you'll find it.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

Thidwick said:


> Stop searching for an answer and you'll find it.


That applies to a lot of stuff in life, such as stop trying to find the love of your life and you'll eventually find it


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