# Recovered.



## argonaut (Oct 11, 2011)

I wanted to post this not to brag, but to show you that there's hope for everyone. I actually posted here under a different name a while back, but that's irrelevant at this stage.

I went through the whole dp/dr thing for almost 2 years, and now I'm overjoyed to say that I'm free from its clutches. At its peak it was absolutely horrific, at one stage I left the house 4 times in almost 3 months, but this was before I began on my road to healing. Don't think you had it worse, we've all been there, "I'm schizophrenic" "I'm losing my mind" "I can't go on like this" "When will it end", the constant self monitoring, gut wrenching panic attacks, the non-stop self-disbelief and self humiliation, the crippling anxiety, even the pointless E.R visits thinking you're dying, with the eventual fear of living life out in a psychiatric ward. Been there, done that.

I'm going to try hit the points and questions that I always see asked here.

First off, I got dp/dr from drug use, various substances. I had experienced it twice before but it was pretty fleeting, first time was maybe an hour until I fell asleep, second time was about 3 days, all drug induced. From there, I got back to old habits, went on a huge bender and landed myself back into the pit, but I knew it wasn't the same this time around.

I spent the following 6 months a wreck, I lost my job, my confidence, my social life, EVERYTHING. Things went on like that until I decided I needed to make a change.

I quit drinking and I began on lexapro (10mg daily) about 14 months ago now, and it has been a huge help. It definitely helped pull me out of the endless depression that arrived as a knock on effect, and help bring me back a bit. From there, I just reintroduced myself into the positive aspects of my social life, my hobbies, reconnected with things I loved. Also, I got off forums and completely stopped "researching", stopped focusing every waking second of my life on this disorder, accepted it and tried to move on. I sorted my diet out (no I didn't go crazy at the gym) just cut back a bit on bad food, my stupidly large caffeine intake, I still smoke cigarettes though. I accepted the fact that life is only what you make of it, our time here is limited. Your life is as good as you make it.

Now not to belittle anything here, there is good ideas in everything, but I tried "The Linden Method", all the self help books, the supplements, you name it, but guys you need to accept (at this point in time at least!) there is no magic cure. You make yourself better. Live the life you wise you could live and eventually the pieces will fall back into place.

The absolute turning point for me was flying. Before this I loved flying, loved travelling and seeing all I could of the world, but once this kicked in I developed a deathly fear of it. Well, about 6 weeks ago I went to my doctor, got some diazepam, and said "fuck it". I booked my flights, and the next day I went for it. I took 10mg, took a deep breath and got on the plane, and guess what, everything was fine. The way it always was. Nothing has changed. This was my turning point, facing my greatest fear, and conquering it. I flew home on 5mg, and everything was fine. I'm flying again in about 5 weeks, and this time I KNOW I don't need them, I might have them in my back pocket as a safety net, but I'm really not worried about it, I feel just how I used to feel before all this started, I am excited about it, I crave the adventure, and as stupid as it may sound, I look forward to beating my negative thoughts again, showing myself I can do anything.

Guys, you don't need to become a gym freak, or change your religion, or spend $200 a month on supplements or magic chocolate bars to recover, just live a good life, a normal life, a healthy life and live it to the fullest. Don't fear the fear, conquer it. Destroy it. Show that negative voice in the back of your head that it's wrong, you CAN do what you want, the only thing stopping you is YOU. I think of it this way, nothing positive, or any form of recovery could have ever come out of the way I was living my life before I decided to do anything about it, DP or no DP, that is not a healthy life, it's not a happy life and it's not a normal life.

Have faith in yourself, and give yourself the credit you deserve. I wish you all the best in this struggle, but just know deep down it absolutely can be defeated and it can be overcome; you can have your life back, you just need to take it.

I hope this will be of use to someone, if you have any questions let me know and I'll do my best to answer.


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## argonaut (Oct 11, 2011)

Just remembered another question people seem to ask, and something I always asked..

My transition back to "myself" was gradual, there was no "lightswitch" moment, but it gradually happened, and honestly I think it could have been a week or more before I actually realized it was gone, you just slip back into yourself, it's like this; when everything _feels _right and normal you don't think about or worry about feeling strange, so when you're not _feeling _strange, you just naturally don't think about feeling strange (if that makes any sense!







)

If it doesn't make sense think of it like this; after you eat a big meal you're not hungry, but you also don't _think _about being hungry because it has nothing to do with the situation you are in. When the problem isn't there, it's not in your conscious mind, so you simply and naturally just don't think about it, it just leaves your thought-stream of its own accord.

It just occurred to me one evening when I was taking my lexapro, I remembered why I was actually taking them and I spent a lot of time reflecting on the whole situation that night, it was at that point I knew I was fine.


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

Awesome! Congrats.


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

Great post!

I think I would be recovered by now if I didn't start fearing about schizophrenia. I began fearing about that last winter and I fear it every single day. The problem with this fear is it constantly makes me self monitored and it causes extreme anxiety/worry all the time.

I started researching about SZ and learned everything about it. I first started fearing the hallucinations but now I am always fearing the delusional part.

I'm not going to get into the thoughts I have because I dont want to be labeled as insane, but I do have lots of intrusive thoughts that seem to be delusional-themed, which I can rationalize after, but still makes me think I'm losing it.

I'm trying hard but I can't seem to get past this fear and I feel like it is blocking the road to recovery.


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## Barry b (Jan 10, 2012)

Everyone you know has intrusive thoughts of killing themselves, other people, and even ridiculous sexual thoughts. It is just a matter of most ppl being able to forget about them easier simply because they know it is an illogical negative thought. Ppl with anxiety and depression label those thoughts as crazy and take them seriously. The less serious you take them and allow them to be in your mind with every other thought, the faster they disappear. Ill admit i probably have had the same thoughts as your thinking. No big deal.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

too bad i dont have the short kind.....


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## Hayley94 (Feb 6, 2014)

are Auditory Hallucinations part of DP?


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## ginni (Oct 25, 2012)

THANKS FOR SHARING UR EXP


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## Guest (Mar 15, 2014)

Badass!


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