# You are all the strongest people in the world



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I feel like the biggest hypocrite here. I have been on benzos since 2 weeks into having dp. I basically used them as a crutch to deal with the dp. Taking them would make me numb and I stopped having the perceptual shifts and the sensations that I don't know who I am or where I am at. I actually started to recover a lot and could do everything everyone else could. I felt like I didn't need the benzos anymore so I made the last push to wean off of them and now, though I'm still taking a tiny dose before I come completely off, I don't feel any affect from them anymore. Now I am feeling every weird freaking sensation, perceptual shift, and very much feeling like I don't know who I am or where I am at. Honestly, I'm not handling it well AT ALL. I broke down crying yesterday and cried for like an hour. Then today I feel like I'm going to murder someone and like I want to cry. Normally, I'd take a benzo, numb out, and be ok. But I can't do that now and it is SO HARD.

So I wanted to tell you all that I really admire every one of you who deals with this without the help of benzos. You seriously are the strongest people ever. I thought I was strong too but now I realize that I'm a giant wussy. I'm pretty much starting completely over with learning to live with how I feel and moving toward recovery. I totally admire all of you who have done that on will power alone. You guys are awesome.


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## Tommygunz (Sep 7, 2009)

it sounds like you sre going through benzo withdrawal. just remember that it will get better. you can get through this. you will be so glad that you stuck it out. i'm proud of you.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Tommygunz said:


> it sounds like you sre going through benzo withdrawal. just remember that it will get better. you can get through this. you will be so glad that you stuck it out. i'm proud of you.


Thank you. I am dealing with withdrawals. I didn't realize how much of a coping mechanism it had become. I feel like I'm not going to be able to live off of them. Like I'm seriously terrified that I've just ruined any chance I had at being able to live a normal life with dp. But I also know that I reached a stale mate with the benzos and that I will never recover being on them. I know it's worth it. It's just that right now I am dying to take some more. I won't but I want to.


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## china77 (Aug 27, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> Thank you. I am dealing with withdrawals. I didn't realize how much of a coping mechanism it had become. I feel like I'm not going to be able to live off of them. Like I'm seriously terrified that I've just ruined any chance I had at being able to live a normal life with dp. But I also know that I reached a stale mate with the benzos and that I will never recover being on them. I know it's worth it. It's just that right now I am dying to take some more. I won't but I want to.


I never took medication for my dp/dr or anxiety. partially because I heard they can become addicting and another reason is I heard most of them doesnt work, or just make you feel numb. So dealing with this is hard at times. rightnow i'm in and out of it. if i'm not having that i'm having damn anxiety and crazy thoughts about dumb shit, like now i keep having a phobia of doing the same shit all the time. I will say if the medicine has been helping continue to take it.


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

china77 said:


> I never took medication for my dp/dr or anxiety. partially because I heard they can become addicting and another reason is I heard most of them doesnt work, or just make you feel numb. So dealing with this is hard at times. rightnow i'm in and out of it. if i'm not having that i'm having damn anxiety and crazy thoughts about dumb shit, like now i keep having a phobia of doing the same shit all the time. I will say if the medicine has been helping continue to take it.


Thank you but I have become addicted to the benzos, as is anyone who takes them on a daily basis and my recovery stalled. I want to come completely off of them so that I can recover and not be dependent on a drug to be able to cope anymore.


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## Melissa_Z (Sep 29, 2010)

I'm going through the same thing in a way but any withdrawl. I'm on them too. Just recently stopped my Zoloft and am just taking 5MG of Abilify and 1 MG of Ativan. My doctor told me that I should stay on them because she could immediately notice a change in my mood, and so have I so I guess that's good. It's like you said, they are good for helping you cope but I'd also just like to learn how to cope on my own and just take the natural approach to recovery. That and Vitamins have been helping me though. It's so confusing.


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## Thunderlordcid (Feb 2, 2010)

Really sounds like you could use a hug right now







Just saying.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

You are strong yourself. I don't know how you deal with half of what you have had to deal with since you've had dp. The fact that you are still able to remain positive and haven't gone into self destruction awes me. You will get through this benzo thing. Remember, one day at a time. Hugs


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## skibum12 (Oct 27, 2010)

ustabetinyfairypeople said:


> I feel like the biggest hypocrite here. I have been on benzos since 2 weeks into having dp. I basically used them as a crutch to deal with the dp. Taking them would make me numb and I stopped having the perceptual shifts and the sensations that I don't know who I am or where I am at. I actually started to recover a lot and could do everything everyone else could. I felt like I didn't need the benzos anymore so I made the last push to wean off of them and now, though I'm still taking a tiny dose before I come completely off, I don't feel any affect from them anymore. Now I am feeling every weird freaking sensation, perceptual shift, and very much feeling like I don't know who I am or where I am at. Honestly, I'm not handling it well AT ALL. I broke down crying yesterday and cried for like an hour. Then today I feel like I'm going to murder someone and like I want to cry. Normally, I'd take a benzo, numb out, and be ok. But I can't do that now and it is SO HARD.
> 
> So I wanted to tell you all that I really admire every one of you who deals with this without the help of benzos. You seriously are the strongest people ever. I thought I was strong too but now I realize that I'm a giant wussy. I'm pretty much starting completely over with learning to live with how I feel and moving toward recovery. I totally admire all of you who have done that on will power alone. You guys are awesome.


Being patient is one of the hardest parts, but it's crucial. Let it be. Breath to remind yourself that you're still breathing, and that means there's still hope (and I promise you're really actually breathing in this world). Recovery is difficult, but so is living with dp. There is a strength in you that you might not have realized yet, but it's there for you when you are ready to access it. Be calm, be brave. DP recovery is a beautiful process - accept where you are no matter where that may be, that is the first step to moving forward. Light and love my friend.


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