# I'm new, my boyfriend has DP



## DaniGirl (Aug 24, 2010)

Hello everyone,

I'm new here--obviously. I don't have DP personally but my boyfriend does. We've been together for a year now and he has had it since the beginning of our relationship. In January I moved 300 miles away from him to continue my schooling. We decided to stay together and try out the distance--it has been up and down (mainly up). I've had issues myself with moving (slight depression) but I have been working on that and have started feeling like myself again. Recently though, his DP has been getting stronger and taking a toll on not only himself but also our relationship. I feel the main reason is his stress level and the fact we are so far from each other. Relationships are difficult as it is but throw in the distance and the DP and it's so hard.

He told me a few days ago that he feels like he needs to take a break from everyone (me included) to focus on his DP and getting himself straight. Which I completely understand. It hurts, but I understand.

I guess my main reason for the post is to ask for advice.. I want to be able to help him but I don't know if I can from 300 miles away.

Anything will help,
Thanks for listening.


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## Tacxj (Aug 3, 2010)

Welcome to the forum!

That sounds like a really sticky situation, and without knowing you personally I can't really tell you what to do but this is my perspective on the DP thing. If my boyfriend moved 300 miles away it would be very hard for me to keep the atmosphere of our relationship alive without having him in my actual reality. The internet and phones would help me remember he's around, but DP is lonely to start with - add the distance and subtract the reinforcement and it just seems uniquely difficult.

I don't know his particular symptoms, but DP and anxiety and really any mental disorder or distress is a very personal thing. No matter how much your life intertwines with someone else's, you can't get in their heads. So far I haven't found anything that helps me apart from one trick, I wish I could pass on more for you! The trick I learned was in a mindfulness class and it sounds silly and basic and useless at first. You take a deep breath and look at the things around you, *really* look. Even if you have to say "that's a tree, the grass is green, I'm on a sidewalk.. etc." The whole point is to be aware of yourself actually in the moment where you are.

I'm glad you found this site, hopefully it will help you understand more about Depersonalization. The best thing you can do for him is support him, though. Even if he wants a 'break' you can still be there for him and maybe point him towards this site so he can start recovery. Stress is a big factor in DP though, so sorting things out, even if it takes time for him, is worth it.

That got wordy.. anyway, best to you! Hope I helped
Cat


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## Minerva8979 (Jan 30, 2010)

D-I-T-T-O!!!


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## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

I'll just point out that seperation Anxiety is a very bad thing, I've dealt with it myself.


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## Minerva8979 (Jan 30, 2010)

Brando2600 said:


> I'll just point out that seperation Anxiety is a very bad thing, I've dealt with it myself.


separation** And yes, it is.

It's nice of you, Dani, to join this site in hopes of helping your boyfriend, that tells me already that you're a good support for him, and a good person. Whatever comes of this, I suggest introducing him to this site. Even though he may be skeptical, (one of my friends is..) it wouldn't hurt. *shrug*


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## Angel_heaven (Jun 1, 2010)

Dp makes you feel alone since you are isolated in a soul called "DREAM" in reality though we dont want to be alone and we are NOT actually but this disorder does this to us. I think its best to try to help him not leave him in this situation alone. I know from experience that more stress makes it worse. We all need a hand and he probably said this because he is afraid it will be like this forever. Its hard to try to explain this to someone who is normal but please read more about Dp and you will learn more ways to try to help your boyfriend. Best of luck!


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

I think it's awesome that you've joined this site. It is so critical for loved ones to read the symptoms and try to understand what the other person is going through. I've seen so many people just walk away in a relationship with someone who has dp because they couldn't handle it, my ex husband included. That's right, we got divorced because of my dp and his completely lack of empathy and compassion. He actually would get mad at me for being sick and it got to the point where he told me he hated me. I know that unless you've ever had this, you will never completely understand what it's like but we NEED empathy, compassion, and love. We NEED support. This disorder is all consuming and to recover and flourish, we need those things.

Just love him, be a good girlfriend and friend to him and give him your support.


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## DaniGirl (Aug 24, 2010)

Thank you so much everyone.

I really appreciate all the feedback. Since my post this morning I've worked it out with my job to be able to go home for about a week. So I'm going to be doing that. I'll be able to show him my love and support when I go home.

As far as this site goes.. it's awesome. Every time I try to talk to him about what he does to help himself.. and when I make suggestions.. he kind of shuts down. But I will definitely talk to him about the site. 
Is there any other advice about talking to him.. and making suggestions to help? Without coming off controlling or pushy?


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