# i can't talk



## Corduroy28 (Jun 21, 2007)

every time i go to say something or attempt to engage myself in any type of conversation, it takes a tremendous amount of effort to make the right words come out. Often times I find myself striving to focus on what I'm saying, but it feels like im talking on autopilot .

I'll go to parties, hang out with friends, and when I say something aloud its as if no one hears me. My ability to strike that emotionally resonating sound with my voice that people pick up on is gone.

I'm completely withdrawn from my objective view of the world and am constantly incapable of being myself.

I don't necessarily feel "Outside" of my body, and the world doesnt look like a "cartoon" or particularly fake. its like my identity has drawn inward and is hiding because it is afraid of coming out for some reason.

A psych who i found that miraculously knows quite a lot about depersonalization, said that it didnt sound exactly like DP. I dont know if i should believe him, this definately feels like the description of DP.

Does anyone else experience this? does this sound like DP?


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## ihavemessedupdreams (Apr 19, 2007)

it is dp. and dp is bassicly you trying to come to grips with yourself
what you gotta do is just stop thinking about it it works man im telling you and distraction aswell helps greatly.

when you reach that point of fixing bassicly what happens is your body grabs the energy thats in your head and brings it back down into your body i caught this happening and it happens in 1 quick shot and boom back to dp i went. its possible to get out pay attention to you thoughts maybe you can see what about you is holding you back

ps i got the same thing your talking about but its getting better


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## Corduroy28 (Jun 21, 2007)

yeah but its like, i don't know if there's some secret holding me back, or if its just this circular thought process by itself. I don't know what to believe


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## Corduroy28 (Jun 21, 2007)

because there's moments where i can force myself to focus on the world around me, but there's this overwealming sense of horror and anxiety that comes with it and I just draw back inward again.

and when I'm forcing myself into reality, there isnt a specific thing im really conciously afraid of either. Its just like holy shit this is way too much I need to hide.


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## ihavemessedupdreams (Apr 19, 2007)

I can relate in a way. Right now im at a point where I stop thinking about it I stoped even thinking period but its hard because when near fixing my brain will go wait "what if your weak" what if your gullible? what if your this and that and this is enough to keep me from fixing. and if that doesint work it will bring fucked up memories and unwated thoughts to me. I dont know If maybe I am those things or maybe im playing tricks on myself to keep me DP'D but i keep trying to ignore it and im on 6 years and finally starting to slowly come around graduly wish you luck


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## MidnightRambler (May 5, 2007)

i have the exact same problem. i have never been diagnosed, so i can't say for sure that it is dp, but it seems to go along with brain fog/general anxiety. I can have a reasonable conversation, but the words come out wrong, they never quite get across what i intended. and i know it, i just can't change it. i'll say something and know that it's not quite right but i can't stop myself from doing it. ihavemessedupdreams's suggestion seems to be reasonable, a lot of problems associated with DP tend to stem from overthinking everything.


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## Doodle (Jul 21, 2007)

I also get the horrible fear of something I can't even put my finger on... every day in fact. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm safe and the it will pass. If it's really bad I call someone just to have something to focus on.


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## Mollusk (Nov 12, 2005)

yeah i know what you mean man. It feels like i have to think so hard to keep up a conversation. Even so i feel like i bore people and have a hard time joking like i used to. One on one conversations are so rough for me, even with people i know well. It seems like i'm overthinking and thats the problem, but i seem to lack the feelings and emotion that just let things flow naturally. I think trying to find ways to relax yourself helps somewhat.


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## Corduroy28 (Jun 21, 2007)

i definately agree. these are all good points, thanks for the support guys.


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## Andy_oh (Nov 5, 2007)

I have something similar, i also sometimes fear that when someone talks to me i won't be able to understand what they're saying, i fear that one day someone will speak and all i will hear is gabbled noise.


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## nu-power (Sep 27, 2006)

i have hard time expressing my self , because i dont know what im feeling. or my inner self fealings arent coming to the surface . i try to focus hard to reach my feelings, when im mad of someone and they ask for an explenation i forget completely what are the points that made me angry , so i say nothing. i have to repeat all what they said to catch the point that made me angry.

i also dont feel out of my body , and i dont view the world as a cartoon, i feel like you exactly,hiding inside my self because im afraid of something which i dont know what it is.


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