# There's no way I'm going retarded... right?



## septimus

My thoughts are so dumb now. I used to be a highly intelligent little kid. Like damn, I got awards and shit. I was in the top 5% of... something. Highest classes, teachers loved me, etc. Little genius. Then after 5th grade or 6th grade I started getting stupid. I noticed some kids were actually smarter than me... wtf? And now I'm just average and it doesn't feel right. I try to access the "intelligence" but it's like a door is locked and they're liquidating the area.

I'm not scared of going crazy, I'm scared of becoming retarded.


----------



## PositiveThinking!

Bear said:


> My thoughts are so dumb now. I used to be a highly intelligent little kid. Like damn, I got awards and shit. I was in the top 5% of... something. Highest classes, teachers loved me, etc. Little genius. Then after 5th grade or 6th grade I started getting stupid. I noticed some kids were actually smarter than me... wtf? And now I'm just average and it doesn't feel right. I try to access the "intelligence" but it's like a door is locked and they're liquidating the area.
> 
> I'm not scared of going crazy, I'm scared of becoming retarded.


I was never that intelligent, but I wasn't dumb either, but I feel like I'm getting really stupid lately.. I went trough a few embarassing situations because of this


----------



## Guest

Something I've learned is that Common Sense is much more Logical and Rational than Genius Level Thinking.


----------



## Feral

I can relate to this SO much. My mind used to feel so sharp. I was easily one of the smartest kids in my school when I was about 12 or 13. I'm 20 now and since then I just feel like I've gotten stupider and stupider. Some of this I put down to my anxiety/DR, and some I put down to simply not using my brain enough (reading, studying etc.).

It would be VERY unlikely that you were becoming retarded. Don't worry about it in the slightest. The vast, vast majority of people with mental retardation are born with it, or acquire it through serious head trauma. Take it from me, you're not going retarded.


----------



## match_stick_1

Bear said:


> My thoughts are so dumb now. I used to be a highly intelligent little kid. Like damn, I got awards and shit. I was in the top 5% of... something. Highest classes, teachers loved me, etc. Little genius. Then after 5th grade or 6th grade I started getting stupid. I noticed some kids were actually smarter than me... wtf? And now I'm just average and it doesn't feel right. I try to access the "intelligence" but it's like a door is locked and they're liquidating the area.
> 
> I'm not scared of going crazy, I'm scared of becoming retarded.


Thats exactly how i often feel, coz i used to be nearly the top girl student in my highschool year and now ive had to drop out because i cant seem to access my thinking part at all at school and nothing makes sense in my head. I doubt were going retarded but sometimes it really feels like it. Maybe it will just pass oneday...hopefully


----------



## septimus

Feral said:


> Thats exactly how i often feel, coz i used to be nearly the top girl student in my highschool year and now ive had to drop out because i cant seem to access my thinking part at all at school and nothing makes sense in my head. I doubt were going retarded but sometimes it really feels like it. Maybe it will just pass oneday...hopefully


Oh that sucks. :/ I still do ok at school. I feel as though I'm actually better at math, while I suffer in English, (which used to be my best subject) OH YEAH AND THE TEACHERS SUCK.


----------



## Xerei

Bear said:


> My thoughts are so dumb now. I used to be a highly intelligent little kid. Like damn, I got awards and shit. I was in the top 5% of... something. Highest classes, teachers loved me, etc. Little genius. Then after 5th grade or 6th grade I started getting stupid. I noticed some kids were actually smarter than me... wtf? And now I'm just average and it doesn't feel right. I try to access the "intelligence" but it's like a door is locked and they're liquidating the area.
> 
> I'm not scared of going crazy, I'm scared of becoming retarded.


you know...being good in school isn't being intelligent, being intelligent is a part of how you actually take stuff, how you observe them etc.
I know a guy who had D and f's in school, nothing else, on an IQ test he scored over 140.
So if you think you're retarded because of the shit we know as school, please think again. Besides, maybe it's harder for you to focus in school cause of the DP, and even that doesn't say you're a retard..besides, you don't BECOME a retard, retard is something you're born as.


----------



## septimus

Xerei said:


> you know...being good in school isn't being intelligent, being intelligent is a part of how you actually take stuff, how you observe them etc.
> I know a guy who had D and f's in school, nothing else, on an IQ test he scored over 140.
> So if you think you're retarded because of the shit we know as school, please think again. Besides, maybe it's harder for you to focus in school cause of the DP, and even that doesn't say you're a retard..besides, you don't BECOME a retard, retard is something you're born as.


I was both academically intelligent and practical, sensible, whatever. I thought for myself. 
I'm not in school now, it's summer vacation. I feel retarded based on how I type this stupid post. How I think and how I use my time. How I explain myself and how I converse. Retard is the wrong word... I meant damaged. And you can become brain damaged.


----------



## Zee Deveel

Yep I'm the same.

I went to a school for gifted kids and now I feel like a total idiot. People ask me simple arithmatic and I just say "um..." while they work it out faster than me and wonder why.

It feels like parts of my brain are missing or there is some barrier stopping my thoughts from accessing the parts I need to use.


----------



## Guest

Bear said:


> I'm not scared of going crazy, I'm scared of becoming retarded.


The fact you have the ability to dissociate and be depersonalized is a gift. I know people on here and I'm sure yourself does too think that this is a curse and a bad mental illness. I don't know your background or why you got DP but just know you are intelligent beyond measure. We all are here. Don't get into the ideology that you aren't.


----------



## Xerei

Bear said:


> I was both academically intelligent and practical, sensible, whatever. I thought for myself.
> I'm not in school now, it's summer vacation. I feel retarded based on how I type this stupid post. How I think and how I use my time. How I explain myself and how I converse. Retard is the wrong word... I meant damaged. And you can become brain damaged.


wtf you retarded or something?! Just kidding!!!! REALLY I WAS JUST KIDDING, WANTED TO MAKE YOU LAUGH!!
But seriously, you're not damaged, not retarded, not stupid, just tired and down on yourself. That's all. Nothing more nothing less. accept the fact, live with it, throw it away.


----------



## Guest

Zee Deveel said:


> It feels like parts of my brain are missing or there is some barrier stopping my thoughts from accessing the parts I need to use.


Well look at your signature. You are filled with wisdom now and that is better than any arithmetical knowledge. I used to be gifted too until my brain decided to goto DP land now I just live in logic, wisdom, and feeling senses. I can sense energy better than when I was book smart.

I still have yet to read Eckhart Tolle's work. It is on my to-read list. Right now i'm busy reading some books on how to heal trauma naturally.


----------



## Zee Deveel

MassagePatriot said:


> Well look at your signature. You are filled with wisdom now and that is better than any arithmetical knowledge. I used to be gifted too until my brain decided to goto DP land now I just live in logic, wisdom, and feeling senses. I can sense energy better than when I was book smart.
> 
> I still have yet to read Eckhart Tolle's work. It is on my to-read list. I'm busy reading some books on how to heal trauma naturally.


Haha, well someone else is full of wisdom and I quoted them, doesn't mean I am!

Though dealing with this amount of shit has forced me to become a more spiritual person and toughened me up mentally. I guess there's a positive way of looking at everything.

Tolle is good, check him out, it really helped me. Many people find his writing style pretentious but if you can look past that, there's a tonne of great advice.


----------



## Guest

Zee Deveel said:


> Haha, well someone else is full of wisdom and I quoted them, doesn't mean I am!
> 
> Though dealing with this amount of shit has forced me to become a more spiritual person and toughened me up mentally. I guess there's a positive way of looking at everything.
> 
> Tolle is good, check him out, it really helped me. Many people find his writing style pretentious but if you can look past that, there's a tonne of great advice.


Well you acknowledged it and brought it into your life. You are pretty wise about not doing the Ayahuasca lol. I bet I will like him. If he is anything like Osho I will love him. So I'm awaiting for my P90X to come in the mail lolz I'm going to get my ass kicked.


----------



## septimus

MassagePatriot said:


> Well look at your signature. You are filled with wisdom now and that is better than any arithmetical knowledge. I used to be gifted too until my brain decided to goto DP land now I just live in logic, wisdom, and feeling senses. I can sense energy better than when I was book smart.
> 
> I still have yet to read Eckhart Tolle's work. It is on my to-read list. Right now i'm busy reading some books on how to heal trauma naturally.


Well I'm looking at it. I didn't come up with it, haha. I am supa-wise. Hoot hoot.


----------



## Daniel C

DP renders you helpless. DP also makes it very hard to concentrate and focus.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but.. in order to succeed in an academical sense, you need to have concentration and focus on your side. I'm seeing a connection here








If you look up brain scans of depressed patients you'll see that their brains activity is by far lower than normal, too. This is probably a contributing factor to whatever is going on.

You're not 'going retarded' it's not possible to just acquire brain damage. Brain damage can only occur in two ways. Blunt trauma or asphyxiation. Heavy drug abuse can alter the brain and tear tissue, but only if abused.

I think you're a pretty intelligent person. From your writings.


----------



## septimus

Daniel C said:


> DP renders you helpless. DP also makes it very hard to concentrate and focus.
> 
> Correct me if I'm wrong, but.. in order to succeed in an academical sense, you need to have concentration and focus on your side. I'm seeing a connection here
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> If you look up brain scans of depressed patients you'll see that their brains activity is by far lower than normal, too. This is probably a contributing factor to whatever is going on.
> 
> You're not 'going retarded' it's not possible to just acquire brain damage. Brain damage can only occur in two ways. Blunt trauma or asphyxiation. Heavy drug abuse can alter the brain and tear tissue, but only if abused.
> 
> I think you're a pretty intelligent person. From your writings.


I can focus very well, my concentration is excellent. I have more DR than DP.
I have had a TBI in the past. I don't know if it classified as mild or whatever. I didn't see anyone for it.


----------



## razer777

I can totally relate to all of this stuff. As a little elementary school kid I was super bright. In 2nd grade they gave me an IQ test (an official one, not some internet fake thing) and I scored 154. I feel like I've deteriorated over time and if I had to guess what my IQ is now I'd say probably like 115 or so. I think this is mostly from the anxiety/depression/DP. If you've got DP or anxiety its like 50% of your brain is always having to process anxious or DP'd thoughts and you can only use half of your brain for something like school work whereas a healthy person can use 100% of their brain's capacity on school work.
If your brain was a computer DP would be some huge program(like a virus scan). When you've got a resource hungry program running, everything else on the computer is going to be slowed until that program is closed.


----------



## BlueTank

My brother told me over the phone "it does that.. it makes you think your dumber than you actually are". "It makes you think your messing up and not doing good". I had to argue otherwise with him. That was during some of the worst times for me and I felt like all the pressure and everything crumbling down turned me into a small child. Temporal Spacial Reasoning gone to hell. The ability to plan things and retain them gone to hell. Keeping things in order. Basically I always say "being in the flow". I just was not in the flow which makes you feel stupid. Instead of doing all your usual accomplishments, plus improvements, plus sporadic fun, you end up doing nothing nothing and nothing, and then it piles up and you feel like you can't take care of yourself.

My cognition is definitely not what it used to be. I used to be a lot sharper, wittier, and quicker. I had an idea for everything. I could digest information from different directions better (managing things vs being overwhelmed). Now i'm just overwhelmed by just about anything.

I can say that this fluctuates. I'm doing much better now than I was before. At my worst I couldn't do anything and was looking up wards online to submit myself to so I could walk in circles clutching a pillow mumbling "I usta be sahmbuddy" under my breath. I'm a bit better now. Patience, practice, meds... something will help you come about.

Also do sanity checks. I was all about that before DP/DR and I suppose they still apply now. Ask people how your doing. yeah yeah they will lie at times. But try to get an honest answer. You might be shocked.

if its grades in school. Sorry. Yeah i can understand.


----------



## voidvoid

I really dont have anything to add since it has all been said by now. But this problem has plagued me aswell. I used to be known as the smart guy, could sleep in class and still ace the questions/tests etc (When I was there) but now I probably couldnt pass a written exam in any subject. I will say tho that while these conditions we have might slow us down in "traditional" intelligence that the schoolsystem is so keen of, I think many of us become smarter about things that actually matter.

Read this valedictorian speech, this student is one of my heroes:

Source #1: http://bit.ly/c02FCZ
Source #2: http://bit.ly/aBG4J7


----------



## Guest

Inzom said:


> I really dont have anything to add since it has all been said by now. But this problem has plagued me aswell. I used to be known as the smart guy, could sleep in class and still ace the questions/tests etc (When I was there) but now I probably couldnt pass a written exam in any subject. I will say tho that while these conditions we have might slow us down in "traditional" intelligence that the schoolsystem is so keen of, I think many of us become smarter about things that actually matter.
> 
> Read this valedictorian speech, this student is one of my heroes:
> 
> Source #1: http://bit.ly/c02FCZ
> Source #2: http://bit.ly/aBG4J7


Thank you. I'm going to put this in my blog. Amazing! This young person has amazing guts. We all are making a difference. Get off your butt Inzom and go plaster bathroom stalls with flyers.







I used to do that a few years back hehe.


----------



## ElectricRelaxation

Yea the cognitive impairment definitely makes is a shitty defense mechanism. Try playing brain games.


----------



## Guest013

I like to think of myself as a pretty intelligent person. I went to an Ivy League school and graduated (didn't make the best grades in the world...). Anyways, I am currently getting two master's degrees. It should take around three years. My DP resulted from an overdose on weed midway through my programs. I had DP for around 6 months. During the semester I had DP, I felt incredibly stupid; however, I somehow managed to receive all A's (3.93 or something...), which is much better than my average GPA. The point I'm trying to make is... I think DP makes you think you are stupid, but you're not any less intelligent. The only thing DP really affects is your motivation and concentration. While these symptoms of DP can hurt your schooling and/or work, they do not make you any less intelligent.

I remember when I had really bad DP. It was like a voice in the back of my head was rationalizing everything and working out every possibility to any problem. While the voice was the intelligent me, I felt the DP was preventing the intelligent me from getting out. Anyways, the more I immersed myself in my studies, the less inhibited I felt by my lack of concentration and motivation.

My message? Truck on! It will eventually get better and you will recover. You are not as "stupid", "retarded", "disabled" as you think you are.


----------



## optimusrhyme

theres a good product that can help this called "Nuero Optimizer" by Jarrow . Its got all the ingriedients your brain needs.
Speciffically ; CDP-Choline,Phosphytediserine,Acetyl L Carnitine.. I get mine from Iherb.com the shippin is fast and usually gets there in 5 or 6 days.


----------



## Brokowski

Bear said:


> My thoughts are so dumb now. I used to be a highly intelligent little kid. Like damn, I got awards and shit. I was in the top 5% of... something. Highest classes, teachers loved me, etc. Little genius. Then after 5th grade or 6th grade I started getting stupid. I noticed some kids were actually smarter than me... wtf? And now I'm just average and it doesn't feel right. I try to access the "intelligence" but it's like a door is locked and they're liquidating the area.
> 
> I'm not scared of going crazy, I'm scared of becoming retarded.


While you may not have suffered from depersonalization/derealization at such a young age, it was/is likely a product of stress. When you're a kid you don't feel the sort of pressure that you do from pubescence onwards. School goes from being a nuisance that gets in the way of recreational time, to being a pressure cooker filled with all sorts of stress inducing scenarios. Stress is known to inhibit one's memory, their ability to operate academically and physically, etc. Just going off of your posts on this website, you're clearly quite well-spoken so, personally, I don't think you have anything to worry about on that front. If you're that concerned I'd suggest getting one of those Brain Age games or even doing crossword puzzles on a regular basis. It probably won't seem like much at first, but it can be very reassuring to see how well you can do on basic academic puzzles.


----------



## septimus

Brokowski said:


> While you may not have suffered from depersonalization/derealization at such a young age, it was/is likely a product of stress. When you're a kid you don't feel the sort of pressure that you do from pubescence onwards. School goes from being a nuisance that gets in the way of recreational time, to being a pressure cooker filled with all sorts of stress inducing scenarios. Stress is known to inhibit one's memory, their ability to operate academically and physically, etc. Just going off of your posts on this website, you're clearly quite well-spoken so, personally, I don't think you have anything to worry about on that front. If you're that concerned I'd suggest getting one of those Brain Age games or even doing crossword puzzles on a regular basis. It probably won't seem like much at first, but it can be very reassuring to see how well you can do on basic academic puzzles.


Thank you. This post helped me the most. I just don't understand why I'm depressed.


----------



## babybowrain

yeah this happened to me too







I used to get the highest marks in my class, all A's in Israel. Then I moved countries and it's like I went dumber. At some point when I was older, I actually thought I was retarded or had a developmental disability or something like that and was behind everyone.


----------



## Randeeman

Look, I found this old discussion when I was surfing the web about my problems. about feeling you were becoming stupid. I don't know if you will ever see this. I knew a family with this problem, apparently hereditary. First of all however, do you snore heavily? Sleep apnea can make you feel chronically dopey. It is literally lack of sleep every day.
I knew these Irish-American twins. They seemed perfectly normal as teens, but around the time they hit adulthood they had deteriorated significantly. I asked my sister, who had gone out with one of them, what was going on. She said it was real, and their older brother had gone the same way. I never met Peter. Matt was hanging on by his fingernails, and had jobs and at one time a wife. He even was marketing a game he had invented at one time. Mike was really gone, I mean stupid. His family was helping him get by. I never knew these guys well in later life, maybe I missed something important,but that is how I saw it.


----------



## sarah514

yup, I'm the same. It's like I'm sorta separated from my thoughts now, and it's harder to understand things quickly. I have to think about it for awhile to get it or be told.


----------



## Mandy L.

Oh boy, I have the feeling that im becoming more and more retarded, like my thoughts are slow, i think its dpd the way it makes u feel like you're half sleeping in ur life,

well, My memory is becoming WAY WORSE as well, like I wake up and always forget what I have to do, to the point I keep a notebook for the things i need to do all day, and then I remember as if my memory was "loading" during the first hours of my day. and then it works, but I've not been able to function very well because of this.

it sucks


----------



## Blythe Taylor

I feel like I'm becoming stupid, because nothing is clear. My whole mind is confused, disorientated. I fear so much i will do something embarrassing or say something i don't mean.


----------



## SSJ3Lotokun

People tell me that I'm smart occasionally but I don't really believe it myself.I haven't really done anything to demonstrate intellegence so most of the time I just feel retarded. Could have to do with my very low opinion of myself.

Maybe you just have low self-esteem.


----------



## daydreambeliever

Native said:


> Something I've learned is that Common Sense is much more Logical and Rational than Genius Level Thinking.


I come from a long line of neurotic highly intelligent people. One of my best friends described my parents as being really smart but lacking common sense. So I love your reply. Thanks. This disorder takes a lot of work to maintain relationships and any kind of life. So I feel I am deteriorating also just from the mere stress of maintaining. It is very scary and I fear I will end up needing taken care of. But I'm also not against suicide so, that really scares me for myself. It is so interesting to me that this disorder was somewhat unknown in the USA till recently. It pisses me off. I have suffered too long to want to be the pharma guinea pig any longer. I don't feel much hope today. But it's Feb. in North ID. Think of spring, dream of spring. It's all a dream anyway. Thanks for your comment.


----------



## kate_edwin

Mental retardtaion is a developmental problem. If that's what you're refering to, no. You cNnot develop a developmental problem
as an adult. And they don't use the word retarded anymore.


----------

