# I want to be a moderator.



## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Firstly, because I'm so goddam handsome I deserve it.

Secondly, because I won't moderate or delete anything whatsoever, unless instructed to by Rev.

Thirdly, because I am sooooooooo bored, out of work, and on the internet all goddam day.

Fourthly, I am currently consumed by power (sort of defeating leaukemia) and self-importance (I am going to be, shortly, the words greatest living author)

Fifthly, because I reckon Europe deserves a moderator.

Sixthly, because I (somehow, don't ask me how!) defeated DR/DP.

Seventhly, because I know where you all live. :twisted:


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> Thirdly, because I am sooooooooo bored, out of work, and on the internet all goddam day.


Geez - that's what George Bush said too when he wanted to be "Moderator" of the US, leaving me skeptical as to your abilities.

Eh, what the hell - three cheers for Martin to be Moderator...Hip Hip Hooray, or something like that.


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## Guest (Jun 22, 2005)

Martin and his post killing Firestick of Doom.

Or something.

Sounds like a good idea to me.


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

MrMole, do you have to see a chiropractor over that whiplash thing you've got going on?

Martin-Moderator
Martin-Moderator

I'm a bit leary of that sales pitch. Mainly secondly and forthly. Could be a scam. Might have to make you swear on the Bible or something. 8)

:lol:

Maybe you could be a temp till you get your day job back.


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## Kelson12 (Aug 10, 2004)

mcsiegs said:


> Martinelv said:
> 
> 
> > Thirdly, because I am sooooooooo bored, out of work, and on the internet all goddam day.
> ...


But hey, at least Bush knows how to use the computer...can't say the same for Kerry! :twisted:


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## enigma (Feb 18, 2005)

He definitely has my vote (some of the mods seem to have gone AWOL).

*Martin Horton for Moderator!*

e


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## Revelation_old (Aug 9, 2004)

> Firstly, because I'm so goddam handsome I deserve it.


This won't work AT ALL.

See:
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3451



> Secondly, because I won't moderate or delete anything whatsoever, unless instructed to by Rev.


Ha! That's what Janine said.



> Thirdly, because I am sooooooooo bored, out of work, and on the internet all goddam day.


Now THAT is a reason



> Fourthly, I am currently consumed by power (sort of defeating leaukemia) and self-importance (I am going to be, shortly, the words greatest living author)


Just what we need!

Another moderator with an ego/issues!

[gets his ass kicked out of here for being a llama, spams the members with sick shit about me threatening his family, starts a site, spams his URL, links me, gets his friend to say I am in this only for money (ROFL please send! Sorry, NO C.O.D?s!), removes the link, sends me an e-mail saying it was negative so he removed it (like I care!), says if it wasn?t for andy I would be involved in DP/DR on the web (truth and it would be great!), says I hacked his server yet his host cross links sites (!!!!), THEN invites me out for lunch in Toronto.]

Good luck on the author thing and the leaukemia comment worked as intended......... :roll: :twisted: 



> Fifthly, because I reckon Europe deserves a moderator.


Hmm. There's never been a Euro Mod eh? Weird + Good point.



> Sixthly, because I (somehow, don't ask me how!) defeated DR/DP.


That's because you're an ass and scared the shit out of it.



> Seventhly, because I know where you all live.


Excellent moderation Martin! Kinda freaky too.

Got a few more reasons?


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

You want more reasons ? Sigh. OK, but let me respond to your answers first...very carefully of course and with total professionalism.... :wink:

Firstly: Yes, I do need to get laid. So ? It ain't my fault I've been bedridden for a month. Before that I was a stallion on steriods in field of donkeys! :evil:

Secondly: I am not Janine. I would like to be, but I'm not.

Fourthly: Hey, at least I'm honest.

More reasons. I can't think of any. I dunno...except maybe because I need the $670 you pay the mod's each month ? Oh, and the free prostitutes and monthly subscription to 'You're Insane, I'm Insane - let's all go and bark at the moon' magazine. Also, I think I should be commended for taking issue with your signature. Surely it should read; "In the end, all that matters is what you're _going _to do" ?

I fully expect my new powers to be in place by the morning. Thank you, and good day to you sir.


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## sebastian (Aug 11, 2004)

Martinelv said:


> Firstly: Yes, I do need to get laid. So ? It ain't my fault I've been bedridden for a month. Before that I was a stallion on steriods in field of donkeys! :evil:


I'll tell you one thing: With the Knighthood of Modism, the women flock in droves. I thought i was cool before but ever since Rev modded me i've been treated like a superstar. VIP treatment in nightclubs, open reservation at restaurants, people asking me for autographs on the street. The only thing that sucks about it is that with fame, comes people who want to drag you down to their level. Just the other day some jerk came up to me on the street saying he was a reporter and then as i started to answer his questions, he sprayed me with water. I just called him a jerk. I mean, i wasn't going to get too rude about it. My life is so obviously better than his. He's some lightweight british comedy reporter, and i'm dating Katie Holmes!


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2005)

Look, it's not such a big deal. He's not that bright.

Just tell him "Congratulations! We made you a Mod!~" and then stall, saying it takes awhile for the word "moderator" to show up next to a name, etc. He'll never delete or move anything anyway.

Or there could be a "not really a moderator, but throw them a bone" status - maybe you could make the person SEE a "moderator" symbol by their name, but no one else could see it.

evil
grin
J


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

> Firstly: Yes, I do need to get laid. So ? It ain't my fault I've been bedridden for a month. Before that I was a stallion on steriods in field of donkeys!
> 
> Secondly: I am not Janine. I would like to be, but I'm not.
> 
> Fourthly: Hey, at least I'm honest.


I think a Moderator should be able to count to at least Five


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2005)

g-funk said:


> I think a Moderator should be able to count to at least Five


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Sebastian - I'm counting on it !!!!! I fully expect to have the ladiez battering at my door when upgrades me to my god-given position. I mean, if this doesn't get me laid, then nothing will.

Janine - you're absolutely right. I'm not that bright. But, as you can see, I can make a sentence rhyme, er, all night.

As for the rest of you......grrr......just you wait. :twisted:


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

MrMole - where did you find that emoticon? Priceless!

Here is what should happen:

1. Create a new position in the forum called "The Great One". This position should only be held by British people who have Leukemia and need to get laid.

2. Martin is nominated by default.

3. Martin runs against himself (his old DP self vs his new self), because nobody else fits the description.

4. Martin's old DP self loses (because that is just what's right!)

5. Martin's new self becomes The Great One.

6. Because of the prestige, Martin gets laid.

7. Martin gets used to getting laid, and moves to Bangkok.

8. Martin's Leukemia goes into full remission and stays that way.

9. Martin fails yet again to hold a position being that he blew all 3 criteria of the position just by getting the position.

10. MCSIEGS changes the job requirement of The Great One. You know need to be from Pennsylvania, work with software, and have a Peter that would make Holmes jealous.

11. MCSIEGS rules the forum.

12. Janine finds MCSIEGS. Kills MCSIEGS...DP finally makes NATIONAL NEWS!!

13. The forum gets 15000 visitors in one day once CNN announces the murder.

14. Hot chicks and guys love us due to our individuality.

15. Tail for all!!!


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Well, as long as I get 'some tail', I can live with all that.

I've always wanted a better title than 'Mr'. I guess I can call myself Dr. since I have a PhD, but it's a bit of a fraud since it's not in medicine.

I'd like one like Idi Amin had: 'Lord of all the beasts of the earth and sea, conquerer of the British Empire, Emperor of the South East Wind, King of all nobles..." etc.


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

I can see you being an Emperor of Wind


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## Guest (Jun 24, 2005)

I'm not even sure he should be a MEMBER, ...but hey, once we let Sebastian in, we lost all standards - so knight him if you must.

:lol: :wink:


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## terri* (Aug 17, 2004)

Oh, you so funny, J.

Knight him or Emperor him.

Somebody just do him!


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## Revelation_old (Aug 9, 2004)

Is that really all you have Martin?
Is this a "want" or a "kinda want, maybe"?


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

make him work for it

you better work
supermodel
wet your lips and make love to the camera

yeah

work it girl


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

> work it girl


Heh, this is turning into some funny shit. 'Good thing only computer viruses can be spread online, or I'd be wearing latex gloves anytime I enter this discussion board....


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## Martinelv (Aug 10, 2004)

Don't worry Ben, I believe this forum has a 'virtual sheep-dip' that we all have to swim through before we post anything.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

Martinelv said:


> Don't worry Ben, I believe this forum has a 'virtual sheep


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

baaaaaah baaaaaaaah baaaaaaAAAHAAAAAAEEEK!


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## g-funk (Aug 20, 2004)

Did someone say sheep? :twisted:


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