# 35 year old female with chronic non stop DP since age 14



## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

Hi everyone, I’ve had chronic dp since 14 years old, weed triggered it. It used to come on as spells and until one day it came and never ever left. Took numerous doctor visits of seeing different doctors to figure out what was wrong with me. I’ve lived a miserable non normal life bc of this issue. People automatically judge me on my outer appearance and think I look healthy or “how can she have problems “ she looks like she has it together. Well it’s all a big lie and scam I’m running day to day. Inside I’m broken and sick as hell. I’ve tried, Paxil, Effexor, lexapro, Zoloft, geodone. Abilify, welbrutrin xl. Now currently started viibryd. I’ve seen therapist, psychologist. I’m still sick with depression chronic fatigue and sense of non reality. Does anyone know if lamicel (spelling maybe wrong) it’s a mood stabilizer. My dr is leaving that as a last resort. Thanks everyone!


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Unfortunately with DP all meds are trial and error...There is no one size fits all...

Lamictal is actually an Anticonvulsant drug often used to treat Bi Polar disorder and depressive episodes but it has also worked for some people to treat their DP...Its also used to treat Epilepsy..

Its worth a shot...

Anything is worth a shot when it comes to this DP crap...Especially as everything else seems to not be doing squat for you...

I despise this condition with a passion...


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

I


eddy1886 said:


> Unfortunately with DP all meds are trial and error...There is no one size fits all...
> 
> Lamictal is actually an Anticonvulsant drug often used to treat Bi Polar disorder and depressive episodes but it has also worked for some people to treat their DP...Its also used to treat Epilepsy..
> 
> ...


 it's a strange mind blowing condition . I honestly thought I had some type of rare brain condition, because it literally took multiple doctors to figure it out. I never had a traumatic childhood , I've always been an extremely nervous child that suffered from severe depression and panic attacks, so basically my dr told me my mental health was inherited from someone in the family. Sadly mental health problems run on both side of my family. I wish to god I never smoked that pot or tried it for that matter. Because life has been hell for me. I just feel like their should be a pill to pull me out of it, but I did take a dna pharmaceutical testing to see what antidepressants best goes with me and I guess this viibryd was one. But I feel like I need something more and I'm very intrigued with the lamicatal. But the rare deadly rash side effect freaks me out so so bad but I'm so desperate! Doctors seem way more aware and educated on this dp now so I'm hoping after all these years of suffering I'm on the right path. She did mention I should probably get hypnosis done but it's like $700 for 5 sessions and he claims he has helped people with this certain problem. I would do anything to get rid of this or to even be 50% better but I would be made if I paid all that with no positive effects. Do you have dp? Thanks for replying!!


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Yes i have DP but its well managed with the help of meds (Low dose Atypical + Low dose Anti Depressant) and very strict stress level management..

The Atypical Sulpiride low dose gave me my life back and still works wonders for me...

Without it im right back in DP hell........


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

Oh that’s good! I don’t know what atypical is? Why low dose? I ask that because I notice I seem to do better with low doses as well. Did marijuana cause yours?


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I performed marvelously for someone who was suffering from a difficult to diagnose malignant epileptic syndrome. It only made it more difficult for "mental health experts and behavioral experts" to diagnose.

I finally figured it out for myself, with the hoep of some expert googling of British Medical Journals. I got the information that explained all my horrible symptoms and qualified me for social security disability.

I'm fine now, since I understand everything and my major depression has been suspended since I had ECT. I recommend anyone who is suffering chronic altered states of consciousness to get an EEG

performed by a neuroligist. If it is negative, ....fine.. You have learned something. It it is not, you have learned even more.


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

Wow that’s very interesting! I’ve always wanted to see a neurologist just rule anything out for peace of mind as well. Should I ask my dr. To refer me to a neurologist? I had a cat scan done on my brain years ago and it came back normal, but that’s just a cat scan and I know it’s not very detailed. So you never had depersonalization disorder? Is it possible for someone to have a condition like the one you have for several years like myself and not know it??


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Shan84 said:


> Oh that's good! I don't know what atypical is? Why low dose? I ask that because I notice I seem to do better with low doses as well. Did marijuana cause yours?


Yes weed kicked my DP into play....

Atypical is a type of Anti Psychotic...They are usually the more modern ones...

Low doses of them are more commonly being prescribed to treat more SSRI resistant anxiety related conditions such as DP etc...

If low doses dont work drop them because higher doses are only used in more extreme psychotic conditions such as schizophrenia etc...Higher doses will literally turn a person who is only experiencing anxiety conditions into a zombie...High doses will basically zonk you...


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

I was on geodone and it’s an anti psychotic it seriously made me a zombie and my friend was on resperdole and was a zombie and gained a ton of weight! I can’t remember my milligram but it was a rough pill. I may give the lamictal (however it’s spelled) has least amount of weight gain side effects. What’s your thoughts on EEG therapy? My doctor told me that DP is a personality disorder. I never knew that.


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Shan84 said:


> I was on geodone and it's an anti psychotic it seriously made me a zombie and my friend was on resperdole and was a zombie and gained a ton of weight! I can't remember my milligram but it was a rough pill. I may give the lamictal (however it's spelled) has least amount of weight gain side effects. What's your thoughts on EEG therapy? My doctor told me that DP is a personality disorder. I never knew that.


I cant comment on EEG....I know very little about it...

DP is a Dissociative disorder more so than a Personality disorder.....

Personality disorders tend to be accompanied with very irrational behaviours.....This is not the case with DP....Although DP can be co morbid with any of the Persoanilty Disorders....And there are a few different types of Personality disorders...


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

Yeah that makes more sense to me, I didn’t feel like its personality disorder, I was kinda shocked when she said that.


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## brightmorningstar (Jun 8, 2018)

Hello. Your post resonated with me a lot, I'm male, 24 years old, looking good from outside, physically, mentally, I appear mentally better than others since I'm good with words and I have life experience, I have good body-built, I'm fit, everything looks I got things better than most people from OUTSIDE, but in the inside it's the same as you said. And if you ask me this situation makes our DP/DR anxiety cycle so much worse because we feel like we're not living up to our potentials and that kills us from the inside, we always know how people see us but we are unable to reach to that setpoint, and that creates depression and the sense of "failure". And seeing people perceive me as normal and me unable to experience any kind of taste of life kills me from inside. But I'm starting to use that as a motivation now.

If you ask me medications are dangerous gambit, I've used +30 antidepressants, antipsychotics. Because when you quit them(you do eventually), you will need another supplement to support you, which there are many supplements that can give you the same push as the medications, almost better than it, because there are many things without those nasty side effects that will make you obsessively think if this is caused by medication or not in the future.

These things I'll write might not appear as strong cures from outside, but when done regularly their effect gets cumulative and they are strong as fuck. They will really impact your mind in a good way. I would ask you if you ever tried one of these regularly with a good consistent routine: CBT, DBT, ACT, Yoga, Meditation, Hypno-Therapy, Having regular sex with someone trustworthy and likeable as a person. Journaling. Gratitude.

Humans are multi-faceted creatures, if we want healing, we need to work on all areas, relationships, friendships, inner world, external world, mind, body, apperance, ego care, soul care etc.


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## zouzoux (Jul 9, 2018)

Shan84 said:


> I was on geodone and it's an anti psychotic it seriously made me a zombie and my friend was on resperdole and was a zombie and gained a ton of weight! I can't remember my milligram but it was a rough pill. I may give the lamictal (however it's spelled) has least amount of weight gain side effects. What's your thoughts on EEG therapy? My doctor told me that DP is a personality disorder. I never knew that.


Hello Shan, how much time did you stay on it ? I started feeling benefits with atypical anti psychotic after about a month and when combined with SSRI. I felt almost cured so I stopped taking the meds. However it returned after 3 months. So I thought maybe the ssri is enough and got back on it but it's not working so I'm reconsidering combining it with an atypical anti psychotic. Yes: side effects are not cool but with time their effects lessen.. Also I got my dpdr from weed..


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

zouzoux said:


> Hello Shan, how much time did you stay on it ? I started feeling benefits with atypical anti psychotic after about a month and when combined with SSRI. I felt almost cured so I stopped taking the meds. However it returned after 3 months. So I thought maybe the ssri is enough and got back on it but it's not working so I'm reconsidering combining it with an atypical anti psychotic. Yes: side effects are not cool but with time their effects lessen.. Also I got my dpdr from weed..


When we find something that works to relieve our DP we need to stick with it...

Ive heard your story lots of times...Improved with the help of meds and then decided to stop them...Then BANG the DP and anxiety came back...

I made the same mistake myself years ago....I WONT ever make that mistake again...

Of course people want to be medicine free (I wanted it myself) .....BUT!!! Honestly if meds give you relief from this crap keep using them is my advice....


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## zouzoux (Jul 9, 2018)

eddy1886 said:


> When we find something that works to relieve our DP we need to stick with it...
> 
> Ive heard your story lots of times...Improved with the help of meds and then decided to stop them...Then BANG the DP and anxiety came back...
> 
> ...


Yes I realized I've been repeating my story alot xD

But it does get better with or without medication because we always adapt.

I generally suffer from anxiety and sometimes a wave of depression comes in for no reason but I use reason and acknowledge that this is only the product of my mind.


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

Yes it makes it difficult because they see you being young and well put together, I’ve had doctors look at me so strange more times than I can count, most likely I’m not took seriously it feels. That’s why I isolate myself a lot because I want to avoid social settings where I’m asked tons of questions like, what do you do for a living, why don’t you have or want kids. Just all these personal questions people tend to get curious about me and it’s like they try to find out what my problem is and I’m damn sure not about to tell them about this disorder. I’ve had people laugh at me and say “what the hell is that” or like I’m making it up. So frustrating. I’ve been considering yoga, meditation and CBT therapy a lot lately, I’m all about natural approaches but I’ve been on antidepressants so many years that I’m scared to go off of them due to bad severe dp spells when stopping. Suck a struggle finding what works and when you do find something that works I find it to be only for like a 5 year thing then it relapses. That’s where I’m at now. Did weed cause your DP trigger as well? I tried Cbd oil and that was a HUGE mistake. I was very skeptical of it but did it anyways.


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

Has anyone on here tried CBT therapy with any positive effects on depression or DP? I know it’s for trauma, but I’ve never had a traumatic past mine is more hereditary than anything . I have an appointment Friday that’s why I ask. Thanks


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## kylekatarn (Apr 15, 2019)

Shan84 said:


> Has anyone on here tried CBT therapy with any positive effects on depression or DP? I know it's for trauma, but I've never had a traumatic past mine is more hereditary than anything . I have an appointment Friday that's why I ask. Thanks


CBT (cognative behavioral therapy) is just a fancy word for training your brain to recognize cycles its in, and methods of breaking the cycles that work best with your personality. Not just for trauma, but for anything really. I would strongly suggest pursuing your curiosity about CBT with your doc on your appointment friday.

Cheers. And keep up the good fight.


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

Interesting! Good to know, and thank you for the response!!! I look forward to it now


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## brightmorningstar (Jun 8, 2018)

Shan84 said:


> Interesting! Good to know, and thank you for the response!!! I look forward to it now


You should read books about DBT,CBT and ACT. You can literally save yourself from most ailments, even if your situation caused by environmental, biological or anything, they are derived from the Ancient Philosophies and they do really work.


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

Thanks for the info! I’m looking into it now! I didn’t realize therapy is more effective than medication? Totally blew my mind ready that!


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## Maysam (Jun 20, 2019)

Check out the new DP Guide written by Ammar Takla: www.depersonalisationguide.com

It really helped me!


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## brightmorningstar (Jun 8, 2018)

Shan84 said:


> Thanks for the info! I'm looking into it now! I didn't realize therapy is more effective than medication? Totally blew my mind ready that!


Well I didn't say that.  Dude medication is just like a summer holiday, it ends eventually and you quit it, but the Therapy Techniques sticks with you forever and their efficiency gets accumulated. Of course that takes time and dedication, where in Medication you just pop the pill. I think you need to socialize, do exercise and learn these therapies, and dedicate yourself completely, and see how you do again. Do you have a job? Do you work on anything that you could count as your daily job, routine?


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## Maysam (Jun 20, 2019)

I am really sorry to hear your story. I am going though something simillar. Have you tried the DP guide: www.depersonalisationguide.com or the DP manual www.dpmanual.com?

They are very helpful resources!


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

Maysam said:


> I am really sorry to hear your story. I am going though something simillar. Have you tried the DP guide: www.depersonalisationguide.com or the DP manual www.dpmanual.com?
> 
> They are very helpful resources!


 thank you! No I haven't, is that the dvd pack you have to buy?


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## Shan84 (Jun 14, 2019)

brightmorningstar said:


> Well I didn't say that.  Dude medication is just like a summer holiday, it ends eventually and you quit it, but the Therapy Techniques sticks with you forever and their efficiency gets accumulated. Of course that takes time and dedication, where in Medication you just pop the pill. I think you need to socialize, do exercise and learn these therapies, and dedicate yourself completely, and see how you do again. Do you have a job? Do you work on anything that you could count as your daily job, routine?


 it seems like my medication only works for a few years if that. No, I don't work and I haven't worked since I was 21 years old and that was many years ago and I only lasted 7 months. That place gave me anger and anxiety attacks. I told you I'm a mess lol . I'm far from normal I only seem to be if you talk face to face with me or if I'm on social media. I need to step it up and I'm starting hard core therapy this coming Friday. I'm so sick of being different and feeling bad. Energy level is at a 0 my interest in life is a 2 or 3 . So once I work on getting to feel a little more human I'll start with the regular exercising and socializing. I hate socializing but I make myself do it. I only enjoying socializing with my one best friend because I've know her since the 4th grade, she knows I'm a mess so I'm very comfortable with her. But I've haven't had a second of relief from DP since age 14 I would say. But I have moments where I can feel happiness and enjoy life. It's just a hard long fight.


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## brightmorningstar (Jun 8, 2018)

Shan84 said:


> it seems like my medication only works for a few years if that. No, I don't work and I haven't worked since I was 21 years old and that was many years ago and I only lasted 7 months. That place gave me anger and anxiety attacks. I told you I'm a mess lol . I'm far from normal I only seem to be if you talk face to face with me or if I'm on social media. I need to step it up and I'm starting hard core therapy this coming Friday. I'm so sick of being different and feeling bad. Energy level is at a 0 my interest in life is a 2 or 3 . So once I work on getting to feel a little more human I'll start with the regular exercising and socializing. I hate socializing but I make myself do it. I only enjoying socializing with my one best friend because I've know her since the 4th grade, she knows I'm a mess so I'm very comfortable with her. But I've haven't had a second of relief from DP since age 14 I would say. But I have moments where I can feel happiness and enjoy life. It's just a hard long fight.


I feel you I have the similar issues but when my dp/dr was it lowest or almost vanished was when I was so into the school and its social environment, and interacting with people constantly and feeling like some kind of part of a group. I believe that is why there are many crazy and fanatic football club lovers and many other people who love to take a side in everything and support it dearly. Also about the Job thing, believe me this will sound very anxiety provoking but going to a job everyday with a routine and keeping your mind off of dp/dr and onto life is a very life changing, I believe that if I find a Job my dp/dr will just vanish with me giving my all attention to it. We're humans I mean we're not designed to even sit. But now we sit and spend all our time on computer, that might sound normal in this age but it isn't. Also we're social animals if we don't we get very weird mentally. I would ask how willing you are to escape this, if you are very sick of this, I would say find a Job and see what happens. And maybe manage the work related anxiety with the therapies. We're really just biological animals, if we don't do the what our nature wanted from us, we get screwed. That is why I also said sex etc. I remember I would literally be free from dp/dr affects after sex. We need to do the things that evolution wants us to do, that way we can escape the ailment. I believe.


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## Ikkemenx (Jul 28, 2019)

Heya, I've been lurking around here for years and made an account just so I can reply to your thread. Your story is identical to mine except that it wasn't brought on by weed. Happened to me at 14, was always an anxious kid, and it was 24/7 for me this entire time (but lately with some glimpses of heightened reality). I'm now 27, but I relate strongly to the agony and appearing "functional" from the outside. I've also gone through a catalog of antidepressants over these 13 years and seen various docs/therapists/psychs. I know how scary and lonely it is to deal with this from such a young age and basically not be understood and accommodated throughout your school years, how no one in your life can understand and thus give you the acknowledgement you deserve. Everyone's circumstances and causes of dpdr are different, so if the frequently recommended treatments don't work for you, don't lose hope. Lamictal has helped me and others, and that's a good place to start. It might feel like your brain has forgotten or is no longer capable of perceiving reality but this is not the case at all! It's just a matter of hitting the right switches in the right places. I know after so many years it feels impossible, and sadly life doesn't wait up for us, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I had given up years ago on trying to recover and just decided to live the best life possible, but swallowed the pain so deeply that I actually forgot I had DPDR and started to doubt it! I became deeply in denial because I didn't want to face the pain of what happened to me. Recently things got a lot worse, but then slowly became better than they've ever been. I think having to face it again and remember how it's been put me in a place to try fighting again (with my new understanding). One thing that helped me immensely is really fighting with my doctors to get what I need and to shop around if need be (I realize I'm ultra privileged in this respect as a Canadian). Get them to acknowledge that it's NOT just a symptom and that it persists 24/7 regardless of how you feel otherwise. If you have to, print out studies and the DSM description. See if you can find a therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders in your area. I promise you that relief is possible, and this is coming from someone who could not even perceive that a few years ago. There is now more information on this condition than ever before, and new avenues to try. It will require more research and persistence and I know how exhausting it's been and how you've been through it all, but persistence and trial and error will win. Just allow yourself to believe again, even though life has made it hard for you to. I'm telling you relief or even recovery is 100%, barring maybe brain damage which I doubt you have. Try and get referred to a neurologist too to narrow things down. A huge thing for me has been telling close people in my life, THIS is the disorder that I have and struggle with, have it acknowledged and not let it be this silent, torturing thing. I used to tell select close people I was anxious or didn't feel real but it's not the same as being truly acknowledged and facing that fight head on. Please DM me any time if you have questions. I believe in you.


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## Layne (Jul 12, 2019)

Shan84 said:


> I've been on antidepressants so many years that I'm scared to go off of them due to bad severe dp spells when stopping.


Hi @Shan84 -- I read your story with interest, and am sorry you have had to go through so much difficulty in your life. Your above comment reminded me of a remarkable article I read this past April in the New Yorker entitled, "The Challenge of Going Off Psychiatric Drugs". It's quite a long article, but quite compelling as well. I would think especially for you, since you'll likely be able to relate to it quite well.

I agree with those on this thread who've encouraged alternative, non-drug therapies for any kind of "mental" issue. I myself think most "mental issues" are physcially based, perhaps as much as 90%+. I myself have had remarkable results using many of these therapies for post-concussion and Lyme related issues (many of them quite severe).

You might be interested in a 5-Min. segment (link below) that was broadcast yesterday on the CBS program Full Measure, with Sharyl Attkisson. It's an interview with a Psychiatrist who's never prescribed a drug for his patients, but has spent a great deal of time helping those who have become dependent on psychiatric drugs get off of them. He also wrote a book entitled, "Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal". It's the only book written on the topic.

In the video segment, the author describes the approval process for Prozac, which he became aware of when he was appointed to the discovery process by the U.S. government as part of a lawsuit againsdt Eli Lily. He relates how the lead investigator discovered during the approval process of Prozac that it was filled with "addictive sedatives". It also was discovered to have "amphetamine type" qualities, which could make depression worse, make people agitated, angry, more prone to suicide, etc. The interview paints a rather unflattering picture of the Psychiatric and Pharmaceutical Drug professions, which often work in collusion with the FDA to approve drugs without adequate warning about how much harm they can cause. Here's a link to the 5-Min. segment.

Mad with Medication: A New View on Psychiatric Drugs


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Layne said:


> Hi @Shan84 -- I read your story with interest, and am sorry you have had to go through so much difficulty in your life. Your above comment reminded me of a remarkable article I read this past April in the New Yorker entitled, "The Challenge of Going Off Psychiatric Drugs". It's quite a long article, but quite compelling as well. I would think especially for you, since you'll likely be able to relate to it quite well.
> 
> I agree with those on this thread who've encouraged alternative, non-drug therapies for any kind of "mental" issue. I myself think most "mental issues" are physcially based, perhaps as much as 90%+. I myself have had remarkable results using many of these therapies for post-concussion and Lyme related issues (many of them quite severe).
> 
> ...


Its not just the Mental Health medication section of the pharmaceutical industry...Its the whole thing....I would almost guess that every person in the world is on a prescribed or an over the counter medicine for something if not on a regular basis at least a few times a year...The pharmaceutical business is huge and whether you believe it or not ALL the doctors and shrinks are in league with them...The pharmaceutical companies are the main cartels and the shrinks and doctors are the dealers.....

Now for those who are ANTI medication as regards mental health conditions ask your self this....If you were a diabetic who needed insulin injections every day to stay alive would stop injecting yourself...I doubt it........

Now as regards prescribed pharmaceuticals whats the difference between injecting insulin twice a day and taking a Prozac pill once a day??? Both keep alot of people healthy....

The truth is if people were not suffering enough in the first place they would not have turned to medication to help them get better....Others may say that medicine for mental ill health is a quick fix....That it needs to be a long term repair job with therapy, cbt, exercise, diet etc etc...What i say to that is when you are 18 years of age and you develop DP in its chronic form and are maybe studying for your future career etc etc you simply CANNOT take the required time out that is needed to focus on alternative treatments....Recovery from DP "The Natural Way" can take a long long time if it you even recover at all..............

One small pill a day gave me my life back many years ago and it still continues to do so to this day.......As a result I will stick with it....I also take Antihistamines regularly for my allergies...I wonder would the mental health medicine demonisers tell me to stop taking my antihistamines (which by the way i suffer badly physically without)


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## Maysam (Jun 20, 2019)

I read the DP guide: www.depersonalisationguide.com and it was very very helpful. I am now free of DP for almost 2 month. It is an ebook that only cost 15 eur which really explains what DP is and how to recovery from it. I really advise you to download it and have a look your self.


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