# Fuckkkkk



## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

Why is this shit so uncomfortable???? If it hurt less i could at least make a decent attempt to recover but every morning i wake up to my heart pounding in my ears. This shit is truly crippling but no ones heard of it so you dont get a lot of sympathy..is it better to live in torture or not live at all? Its getting to the point where im embarrased and feel like a burden to my parents, who months ago were proud of their kid. Fuck thissssssss


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## davewilly (Feb 1, 2012)

BabyBak said:


> Why is this shit so uncomfortable???? If it hurt less i could at least make a decent attempt to recover but every morning i wake up to my heart pounding in my ears. This shit is truly crippling but no ones heard of it so you dont get a lot of sympathy..is it better to live in torture or not live at all? Its getting to the point where im embarrased and feel like a burden to my parents, who months ago were proud of their kid. Fuck thissssssss


Don't let it beat you. I know sometimes you feel like totally giving up and just want to end it all but just tell yourself I AM OK. You ARE ok and it WILL go. If you are not coping see the doctor and don't be afraid to accept medication, it's there to help you. Luckily my folks have been extremely understanding over the years, I'm sure yours are aswell, if not inform them of the condition so they can try to understand and help you. They are you parents and they treasure you more than anything in the world. Be strong, you ARE fine, just a minor glitch you will look back on and think what was the problem?.. Good luck. Smile.


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## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

You recovered???? And thanks for the kind words


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

get in with a psychologist, learn some mindfulness and distress tolerance.......it'll be ok


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## davewilly (Feb 1, 2012)

BabyBak I have recovered several times. But I am here now as I have triggered it so cronically this time I'm having a hard time coping, I just hope and pray it will pass as it always has. On a scale of 1 - 10 my DR first time I triggered it in 1999 would be on a level of 2/10, it is now 9/10! It is so horrendous it's almost comical.... You'll be fine. Crack on.


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## mynamewasGarjon (Jan 20, 2012)

I, too, have recovered a few times. It does seem to get harder with each time it comes back, but try and live knowing that it will can and will go away again. I've wanted so many times to end my life but i'd miss out on so much good stuff. I know how you feel about your parents not understanding. It makes it very difficult but keep pressing on! you will get better!

Michael.


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## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

Thanks kate and dave. Just a quick background I got it from marijuana and it lasted for a week then went away completely. I was so thrilled. However it came back randomly ( i didnt and will not touch any drug again obv) and has been up and down since. I ve reached points where i say "i can live with this" but then a week later im bed ridden and nearly suicidal. I guess i share everyones frustration here so theres nothing new. I dont want to harm myself seeing that my mom dad or sister could become depersonalized. I dont even care if i never recover i just wanna be able to cope with it because i was on my way to Georgetown University and a few other schools i was proud of getting accepted to. Kate, ive read a lot of your posts just browsing and was wondering how bad your dp is? Do you feel horrible all the time or is it somewhat bearable??? And dave best of luck man im here with you!!


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## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

And thanks Mike i appreciate your support. I hope you recover as well


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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

Babybak I'm also 17 and i know your pain. I always thought I would live up to my parents expectations and go to college like everyone else. But now with dp i feel like an embarrassment to my family. They talk about college as if they're worried for my future. I feel like ive dropped off the face of the earth.i feel like its impossible to meet any of their expectations.

I also go in and out of feeling motivated. Its feels like im flying in and out of a cloud and its frustrating as hell.


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## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

Yeah thanks so much for responding. Misery loves company haha. But this shit is just wierd as hell...i still cant believe this is happening so its almost like ive dissociated from the dissociation ( not in the double negative / recovery way ha, more like someones rearranging my brain for the sheer fun of it). How did yours start? And what are u gonna do about school and shit? I have 4 AP level classes to juggle and i would feel even worse dropping out of school so im literally trapped. But i guess for now ill keep at it and hope it goes away....hope ur doing well and good luck


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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

Yeah no problem. I think I know what your talking about, dissociating from the dissociation.. like sometimes you forget that somethings wrong, and you start thinking its normal to be DP'd, despite still feeling weird. Mine started from anxiety, at least I think, it could have been triggered from a car accident I got in a long time ago. 
I feel the same way about school, pretty much trapped..It tends to send my anxiety/dp over the edge; any level of work seems torturous when I'm DP'd. But all the same, its probably best to keep at it, because like you said it won't be any better dropping out.


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## BabyBak (Feb 8, 2012)

Yeah exactly. If this is gonna hurt it might as well hurt interacting with the world rather than sitting at home. I just hate how people think I'm being lazy when in fact im not....on a side note- u play guitar bro???


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## Lostwanderer (Jan 31, 2011)

Yeah thats what I hate to. People thinking I'm lazy, selfish, etc. and it all just makes it worse.

anyway, yeah i play guitar.. kinda hard to enjoy it anymore though. Thanks for asking.


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