# giving up.



## Realiity (Apr 26, 2009)

So with all of the sleep paralysis hallucination stuff my anxiety level is too high to sleep. I'm terrified. I know that none of it is real. I don't know why I am scared. Maybe it is because I am losing control of yet another thing in my life. I am exhausted. I've slept an hour in two nights and that was filled with nightmares and paralysis. I would like, for once, to be able to control something for more than just a short period of time. Maybe that's just crazy and superficial, but I need it.

I am so frustrated I would bawl my eyes out if I found out that 'they' took cinnamon toast crunch off of the fucking shelves. I think I am going to need to get my head checked shortly because insanity is creeping in quite quickly while sanity bolted out the door long ago. I don't understand why as soon as I feel happy, something has to change it. Whether it is sleep, people, or just life in general, it happens. I'm tired of things happening. That is why I am bedridden. and the only thing scaring the shit out of me when i know that? I am losing my safe place. It is no longer a place I can feel safe. What else am I going to lose? Everything? I need a break from life. I need rest. Why the hell wont sleep bring that for me?


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now. When suffering starts creeping into sleep it's really unfair. At my worst I suffered from this as well. Just be confident that this will pass. Although DP is a long lasting problem - this is separate and most likely intense anxiety that seeps into your sleep. You will find the relief in sleep at some point in the future. Are there any waking activities you can enjoy, movies or videogames maybe?


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## Guest (Aug 16, 2011)

Realiity said:


> So with all of the sleep paralysis hallucination stuff my anxiety level is too high to sleep. I'm terrified. I know that none of it is real. I don't know why I am scared. Maybe it is because I am losing control of yet another thing in my life. I am exhausted. I've slept an hour in two nights and that was filled with nightmares and paralysis. I would like, for once, to be able to control something for more than just a short period of time. Maybe that's just crazy and superficial, but I need it.
> 
> I am so frustrated I would bawl my eyes out if I found out that 'they' took cinnamon toast crunch off of the fucking shelves. I think I am going to need to get my head checked shortly because insanity is creeping in quite quickly while sanity bolted out the door long ago. I don't understand why as soon as I feel happy, something has to change it. Whether it is sleep, people, or just life in general, it happens. I'm tired of things happening. That is why I am bedridden. and the only thing scaring the shit out of me when i know that? I am losing my safe place. It is no longer a place I can feel safe. What else am I going to lose? Everything? I need a break from life. I need rest. Why the hell wont sleep bring that for me?


don't fear your emotions. I know, where you are, it feels like you have no control over the fear, but you do. you have to absolutely surrender to the worst fears. they won't kill you. the more you feel that irrational fear, the bigger chance you have to resolve them.

never give up. there's also a chance that the only cause of your frustration is the built up emotional baggage that is causing DP. you may be a totally confident guy underneath.


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## Realiity (Apr 26, 2009)

PhoenixDown said:


> I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now. When suffering starts creeping into sleep it's really unfair. At my worst I suffered from this as well. Just be confident that this will pass. Although DP is a long lasting problem - this is separate and most likely intense anxiety that seeps into your sleep. You will find the relief in sleep at some point in the future. Are there any waking activities you can enjoy, movies or videogames maybe?


Thank you for the reply and yes I've been watching movies to keep my mind off of things.


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## Realiity (Apr 26, 2009)

Lowrey said:


> don't fear your emotions. I know, where you are, it feels like you have no control over the fear, but you do. you have to absolutely surrender to the worst fears. they won't kill you. the more you feel that irrational fear, the bigger chance you have to resolve them.
> 
> never give up. there's also a chance that the only cause of your frustration is the built up emotional baggage that is causing DP. you may be a totally confident guy underneath.


Thank you, but I can't help it, no matter how long I spend trying to convince my self everything is okay


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## Guest (Aug 16, 2011)

Realiity said:


> Thank you, but I can't help it, no matter how long I spend trying to convince my self everything is okay


aha that's what I tried to do too. trying to convince yourself that everything is okay won't help, because it's not okay. maybe that's the behaviour that created DP in the first place. you feel terrible. what you should do, is look for some emotion in YOU you're caryying all the time thinking it's all good. hope it helps.


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## Tommyboy (Jul 20, 2011)

I really feel for you, I was going through the same thing about a month ago where I had many days in a row of only getting about 2 hours sleep and it was terrible. Sleep was always my safe zone and even in the past when I had bad anxiety and depression I could always look forward to sleep. I ended up seeing my therapist and got some medication to help me sleep and it made me feel so much better. Are you on any meds to help with sleep? Could you see a doctor or a therapist to talk about it? Hope things get better for you.


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## Russian94 (Aug 30, 2011)

if this makes you feel better in anyway.. I used to induce sleep paralysis.. yes, you heard! I would induce sleep paralysis on purpose to get in to lucid dreams.







They weren't scary at all. I knew what sleep paralysis was and i knew what i was getting in to, i was positive about it, therefore, i had positive experiences! If you get SP often,you use it to your advantage! Learn to LD from it and get a chance to exp. a new state of reality and mind.. it's truly amazing







www.dreamviews.com is your friend!


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## dpsince2002 (Oct 26, 2008)

I hear you. This last week, I had a night of insomnia, where I couldn't seem to do anything except doze a little here and there, and it was awful. I had that some before my dp started, but, with the dp making my obsessive thinking more intense, it really made for a waking nightmare. By the time I finally just got up to start my next day, the stuff running through my head was about how I'd need to be locked up, wouldn't be able to function in normal human society, etc.

That's the kind of thinking that was really bad when the dp started--this stream of obsession about how I must be going insane, that's just another symptom of dp. That's gotten better in the last few years, I think. My insomnia has definitely gotten better since Wednesday; I hope yours has, too!


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