# Existential Terror



## anxybilly (Jun 22, 2011)

Any of you guys had Existential Terror? Is a it a form of d/p?

thanks


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## Whitehazel (Jun 14, 2011)

What do you mean by existential terror? I think everyone with DP struggles with obsessive existential questions.. I know I have.


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## dhughes373 (Jun 12, 2012)

Existential terror and depersonalization go hand in hand in my experience. They feed off each other, with the change of perspective from DP increasing the existential thoughts and the existential thoughts providing a stimulus upsetting enough to perpetuate the DP. This is nothing new, and it has been written about by philosophers and thinkers. Jean Paul Sartre wrote a book called Nausea that tackles this very issue, and I can definitely say that it describes these feelings very well. Although it can be hard, especially with DP holding you back, you need to overcome these feelings by creating some meaning in your own life, something that renders these thoughts irrelevant and takes your mind off them.


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## openpath (Mar 29, 2012)

..


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## anisha (Oct 13, 2007)

I get this ALOT
Esp when i look into the sky it literallly freaks me out!!!
Its common in ocd sufferers too ...existential ocd


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## anxybilly (Jun 22, 2011)

Thank You guys ..


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

If you're talking about existential angst, yes I've had it and I almost went crazy with it, I think I posted in the forum a few times about it, 1 year back or something, it was probably the most terrifying experience in my life, I can't really give you any relief from that except for letting you know that you're not alone with those thoughts, and that they will eventually fade with time, also if you want to know what I did when I had them, I had tons of conversations with friends, family and they kept me "here" , I had these crazy ideas and fears always questioning my existence and people kept me sane :/


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

this is me all over... i have severe existential thoughts that drive me nuts n seem to make no sense to me at all... i feel lost and confused about what i am doing here etc... i dont even want to know i just want to go bak to not caring.... 
it has gotten better like it will go for weeks but wen i am anxious r stressed it comes bak with a bang! 
anyone who has the same experience please do tell... it is the most horrible thing... im terrified of being alive at the moment because it seems too crazy to be true.,. !


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

katiej said:


> this is me all over... i have severe existential thoughts that drive me nuts n seem to make no sense to me at all... i feel lost and confused about what i am doing here etc... i dont even want to know i just want to go bak to not caring....
> it has gotten better like it will go for weeks but wen i am anxious r stressed it comes bak with a bang!
> anyone who has the same experience please do tell... it is the most horrible thing... im terrified of being alive at the moment because it seems too crazy to be true.,. !


I'm not sure whether that is a good idea, for you to want other people to share their experience because it'll probably feed your existential angst, but if you really do feel like it, I understand since back then I wanted people to relate to me, here's a thread of mine from 15 June 2010 , I created about 3 or 4 posts about existential angst, it was by far the worst experience I had

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/21769-improvement-in-existencial-thoughts/page__p__192618__fromsearch__1#entry192618

I don't have it anymore just so you know


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

i read ur old post from 2010 there... its so like me now... 
so u dont feel that terror from those thoughts anymore? u feel like its pretty normal to be alive? 
my questions are also alot more deeper... i wonder if any of you had the same.... thoughts such as why does anything exist? how did i get here? .. and also did any of u guys feel like u just like saw behind the curtain r sumthing... like u now know something you didnt? its weird like i look at my parents and i think you taught me how to live in the world... yet you guys dont know why u are here either? 
i think why me... why was i born... how? anyone else.. any comfort would be great... 
id also like to point out that this came on me again ... it was gone for a few months... but this is clearly what happens wen my stress goes to overload... but i forget how i felt normal.. because these thoughts really seem like they are legitimate and the truth!!!


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

katiej said:


> i read ur old post from 2010 there... its so like me now...
> so u dont feel that terror from those thoughts anymore? u feel like its pretty normal to be alive?
> my questions are also alot more deeper... i wonder if any of you had the same.... thoughts such as why does anything exist? how did i get here? .. and also did any of u guys feel like u just like saw behind the curtain r sumthing... like u now know something you didnt? its weird like i look at my parents and i think you taught me how to live in the world... yet you guys dont know why u are here either?
> i think why me... why was i born... how? anyone else.. any comfort would be great...
> id also like to point out that this came on me again ... it was gone for a few months... but this is clearly what happens wen my stress goes to overload... but i forget how i felt normal.. because these thoughts really seem like they are legitimate and the truth!!!


Yes I did get better, I don't have any of those thoughts anymore and life does make sense, here's another thread of mine you might want to check out (btw I mispelled existential there like a thousand times)

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/21489-existencial-thoughts/page__p__190679__hl__existencial__fromsearch__1#entry190679

I had all the thoughts you're having, maybe even more and I know it's horrible


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

ye you showed me that post before.. i can relate completely... 
im jsut wonderinf if you ever felt like it was never possible to see life as normal now that u aw it in this way? and also if u felt frightened of urself and ur body.... almost like it was created out of ur control and how weird that is !
also did u feel like u figured out something.. ?


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

katiej said:


> ye you showed me that post before.. i can relate completely...
> im jsut wonderinf if you ever felt like it was never possible to see life as normal now that u aw it in this way? and also if u felt frightened of urself and ur body.... almost like it was created out of ur control and how weird that is !
> also did u feel like u figured out something.. ?


That one was different from the one I posted earlier

As for your question of not being able to see life as normal, check this out http://www.dpselfhel...__1#entry188780

Yes I have, I still do sometimes, as if I'm stuck inside my body somehow, sometimes it feels as if my hands aren't connected to my body, basically you're in need of feeling in "control" , that's why you're experiencing all that. You feel like you have absolutely no control over your own body and mind, that's frustrating to say the least

Edit: And yes I figured out something, I can't give in to the fear and the lack of control, I just have to live on as I would normally and eventually feel better, actually I'm feeling a LOT better!


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

What I mean is do u feel like u have figured out the truth about reality r something like it makes u feel like I now know Something u didn't before . Get me ?


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## MIndfAEL (Mar 13, 2012)

i had existential thoughts right around the time i got dp and i still have them all the time. i think when ur so disconnected from reality existential thoughts are going to come cause u start to realize how everything is and were all just part of a society. so anyway i think it is a result of dp not really a form of dp. its really scary to be question the meaning of life all day but i can't stop cause i see no point in life now.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

katiej said:


> What I mean is do u feel like u have figured out the truth about reality r something like it makes u feel like I now know Something u didn't before . Get me ?


Not really, life's pretty much the same, and I don't think there's anything to figure out, we're just temporarily stuck in this state where we feel detached and question everything, the world is still the same as we once knew it


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

Did u ever feel like u just arrived here ? And like ur trapped being conscious ? I am so overly aware that I can see n do things n I dunno why it scares me ... I don't feel detached anymore tho that I know of ? Just severe existential thoughts .... I wonder how my brain works n how i know the things I do .... And that I didnt have a choice in the matter of being born or not .... Can I ever just go bak to he way I used to think
....


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

katiej said:


> Did u ever feel like u just arrived here ? And like ur trapped being conscious ? I am so overly aware that I can see n do things n I dunno why it scares me ... I don't feel detached anymore tho that I know of ? Just severe existential thoughts .... I wonder how my brain works n how i know the things I do .... And that I didnt have a choice in the matter of being born or not .... Can I ever just go bak to he way I used to think
> ....


You will go back to normal, but in order to get back you have to stop seeking people with the same exact thoughts, I had all those thoughts, I obviously can't remember every single thought I had 2 years back but I had a billion, I was in huge suffering back then but it does get better, you just have to believe in that, the need to relate to others is absolutely normal and healthy, yet it might be bad if you can't stop trying to relate, check out some recovery stories or simply believe my word that it will get better, if you feel like it's just not getting any better and that you're going crazy (like I felt back then) , you might want to consider taking medication for it, I never liked medication because it's pure venom in long term but it can be good in low doses if you're struggling like hell


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

i am on meds... and in therepy... and also had this 3 years and been hospitalized... things have been so much better but now it comes in waves of a few weeks on a few weeks off.. but wen it comes its hell ... i cant imagine ever feeling safe here..... in the world... wen no one knows why i am here.... its terrifying and makes me cry and wanna roll in a ball and stay in my bed...


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

katiej said:


> i am on meds... and in therepy... and also had this 3 years and been hospitalized... things have been so much better but now it comes in waves of a few weeks on a few weeks off.. but wen it comes its hell ... i cant imagine ever feeling safe here..... in the world... wen no one knows why i am here.... its terrifying and makes me cry and wanna roll in a ball and stay in my bed...


There were times where I didn't leave my bed the whole day, except to take a bath... I'd just be in my bed watching TV, sometimes I didn't even feel like watching it because I thought like "What's the point? Why am I watching this?" , then the existential angst would begin, I'm only better and not letting myself go down because I still remember how horrible I felt back then, I thought I was done for, I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up the next day.

Nowadays, I'm feeling better, sometimes I get extreme DR when I'm outside but I just ignore it, and trust me it is possible.I just stay calm, focus on what I'm doing and the feeling eventually fades, very quick actually. Sometimes I still question the meaning of life, why should I even find a job, why should I go outside and do anything, I know I have to do all that because life as we once knew it doesn't make sense anymore, yet it's all the same, plus when I put effort into something I actually enjoy it now, I'm finally able to feel true happiness after 3 years of struggling with this crap.


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## Troubled. (Jun 24, 2012)

I really need some advice cause I'm suffering from extreme existential terror. I have thoughts like what exactly am I, why am I me, I watch TV and analyze the people on it and how they're going through life not thinking the thoughts we do. I feel a lot of lack of control and I'm tired of it







how'd you make urs go away?.


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## shattered memories (Jul 19, 2012)

i felt the same way. its hard to watch tv because im constantly thinking why cant i be happy and normal like them?

well medication helped with the racing obssessive thoughts but learning cognitive defusion from "overcoming dp" was the kicker. you have to always remember that your mind will lie to you and torment you when you are in this state.

the problem is we are acclimated to believe everything our brain tells us. we must learn to defuse what our emotions are telling us and what is actually in our best interest.

Yes existential terror is horrible but continuing to dwell on it will only perptuate the cycle...what good does that do? will thinking about it more solve anything? NO. do like me and tell your brain to fuck off. do your best to live in the present and not in your head.

you only got one life to live. dont waste it on killing yourself with unsolvable questions.


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## Thidwick (May 30, 2012)

Yeah, I suffer from this all the time. It may sound silly to some, but I'll sit around and suddenly think, "How do I know what words mean? How do I know what numbers are? How do I know anything?" And the obsession of solving them exhausts my brain and leaves me worse off. Sometimes I'm better, but when I get worse it's like my recovery didn't matter because my brain will dismiss all of it. I often feel like a blob of thoughts floating around in nothingness.

I guess I'll just have to continue ignoring it. Even if this world is all a lie, I prefer the lie to the hellish nightmare I'm in now.


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## Troubled. (Jun 24, 2012)

I agree with you. But its so hard, I only feel like I'm just thoughts. I don't feel like a person. And of course, I "think about thinking" like how we can form thoughts and what if at any moment my thought process will totally stop. Like I hate this. I know about cognitive behavioral therapy and I've tried it. But its hard to control your thoughts when you feel like you're just thoughts. UGH.


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

I do not want to add up to the existential thoughts list, but for me the worst part is when it affects our distractions, as the thought process goes we keep on thinking that nothing makes sense, what are words? How do we exist? When it gets to our distractions, it's like "Why am I watching this movie while I know it's just not real?" , or "Why am I playing this game when it's not real?"

That, was the end of the line for me 2 years ago when I was struggling with existential angst, I had to go for medication


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

i have these thoughts sooo bad.. i feel so trapped in life and almost like i just dont understand anything... it feels so real these thoughts... and like my surroundings frighten me because i dunno how they got there... im terrified to be inside my mind and body because i jsut feel like a creation i had no control over... i wonder how i was born and arriver here... why here? why does existence exist... very frightening stuff and life at this moment seems extrememly scarey and like anything could happen...


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## Troubled. (Jun 24, 2012)

I know those thoughts. Sometimes I just feel like I'm trapped inside my mind, my body.. but its weird, when I get outside or go for a walk with my mom it seems to go away or I get a slight moment of relief and I have hope again, but then I get home and the feelings come back. Just distract yourself, it'll help.


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

I think that existential thoughts are normal. But for a person to be terrified by them? I cannot relate...

Personally, I have answered every thought on my head, existential or not.

Maybe it would help you if you try to resolve your thoughts...?


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

yes... i have that too.... i just dunno how ill ever feel fully normal again.. im scared of myself... 
i am in portugal on holidays at the moment so i have a big distraction... but i jsut feel nuts... like wtf is a country why are people here... bla bla bla.. so u can relate to the questions i wrote there then? i do try to resolve the thoughts but i end up making my head crazy.. its not the thoughts that im terrified of.. its these weird realisations about things i never thought of before.... anyone ever have them bad then gone away?


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

katiej said:


> yes... i have that too.... i just dunno how ill ever feel fully normal again.. im scared of myself...
> i am in portugal on holidays at the moment so i have a big distraction... but i jsut feel nuts... like wtf is a country why are people here... bla bla bla.. so u can relate to the questions i wrote there then? i do try to resolve the thoughts but i end up making my head crazy.. its not the thoughts that im terrified of.. its these weird realisations about things i never thought of before.... anyone ever have them bad then gone away?


Ok ya... I remember that. You know, I've learned to accept that part of me, but i've learned a lot in return, thx to those revelations. For example, I have to accept the fact that in the end, no one gives a crap about me (cept for close family). I have to accept that people who call themselves my "friend" wont even remeber me in 5 years (im in college). I have to accept that as screwd up as the world is, the world will never be a fair place. The list goes on but you get my drift...

Plus, since i have no genuine personality, every word I say has a specific purpose, because i give every single word a good thought. That could be quite helpful in social situations, especially if your a good actor. For example, you pay better attention to body language. That way you know how a person would normally act in my position. Without this "ability" I'd be a heartless freak. (I've been called that and worse)

Bottom line, imo, we are all like characters in a video game. Its up to us to adapt.


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

Troubled. said:


> I agree with you. But its so hard, I only feel like I'm just thoughts. I don't feel like a person. And of course, I "think about thinking" like how we can form thoughts and what if at any moment my thought process will totally stop. Like I hate this. I know about cognitive behavioral therapy and I've tried it. But its hard to control your thoughts when you feel like you're just thoughts. UGH.


I feel ya brah. Exact same feeling here.


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## Dadude (Jul 19, 2012)

What freaks me out the most is the thought "what if a different ego occupied this body"? What if my ego occupied another body? How would things be different?

And so on and so on...

I like to call rumination "the tornado of thoughts" because of all the netwoRking involved


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## alphaman (Nov 4, 2005)

Existential terror: yes, I've had, the mind fucker. I could write a book about it. In summary:

- Distraction is the first line of defence. TV, friends, booze, games, exercise etc etc You create what you focus on. Don't focus on it. Be gentle on you, look after your mind. Do what you need to.
- You are now on a journey I don't quite know how to describe. For me, it meant finding an energy healer and starting to deal with deep seated pain, getting back into my body, Junginan active imagination, and a whole other bunch of shit some people might call "weird" but I'm realising is actually LIFE. Life is fucking weird but it can be fun. 
- When I start to get existnetial OCD thoughts etc. it seems to be because I'm supressing emotions - there is trapped energy. Fuck the thoughts, get into the feelings. This (for me) is the way forward.
- BE YOU. Thats the most radical healing thing you can do. Just be you.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

alphaman.... so u think its suppressed feelings.... i agree.... my therepist said the same.. she said focus on the feelings i get.. not the thoughts... that the thoughts mean nothing... why tho? why these thoughts... why does life all the sudden make no sense... or seem like a weird game/dream that i am trapped in.....


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