# menstruation, recovering, animals



## resonantblue (Mar 15, 2011)

So I started to feel a LOT better for a while.. then I began "PMS-ing" and it threw me completely back into it (Wondering if other women have experienced that).

Also, I feel as though my DP moves in waves... and every time it gets strong, it's a bigger wave and my perception is different (more DPd) than the last time I had an episode.

It's recently gotten to the point where I'm having almost hallucination-like experiences (though I know they are not "true" hallucinations and I do have an awareness that it's just how I'm seeing things at the time). The other day in my university class, the professor suddenly seemed ridiculously ape-like to me. Then I looked around the classroom and all the students had the same ape quality.. I just saw the "animalness" of all humans. It may sound funny, and it is in retrospect, but it was horrifying at the time. It reminded me of the lizard scene in Fear and Loathing.

My primary unshakable feelings/thoughts lately are "How strange it is to be anything at all.."- utterly obsessive thoughts about how unlikely it is that i (or anyone) happens to exist

Obsession with death

Feeling like I am stuck in an eternal present moment

Feeling a little bit like I'm on the Truman Show-- sky seems like a blue sheet, streetlights like movie set lights, a general "flatness" to everything

Mind/Body disconnect.

I'm starting, however, to notice the connection to OCD. When I can focus on something and sort of let my brain "slide"... I almost feel normal (this is new... since I've been "getting better").. as soon as I* allow* myself to think about how strange it is that I am right here, right now.. all the other crazy nonsense floods in.


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## xenabaiche (May 9, 2012)

I started PMSing the other day and had a very weird DP/DR episode. I felt like I sunk in my head down into my spine, and then the room started looking really weird and things were moving around. I was all weak and shaky, almost felt like I could pass out, but it wasn't anxiety. It was just weird.


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## Samaral (Mar 26, 2012)

Resonantblue, I feel EVERYTHING you posted, everyday. And yes, when I pms my life gets even 10 times worse. Please keep us updated on your progress!! These days I feel Im just surviving, floating by, having the same day everyday. Xoxo


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## Shapiro (Nov 7, 2011)

It really does get worse durig these times. I would think most of the women here agree. I found birth control reduces the symptoms. And being mindful that your pmsing and on high alert helps to avoid slipping to far. Best of luck.


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## ihatethis (Mar 13, 2012)

Ive been wondering when someone would post about this. I just got over mine and it was hell. I had made so much progress and I've just taken 2 steps back.


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## Idris (May 19, 2012)

I can relate to basically everything you said.

Especially the OCD thing - if I clean like a maniac for an hour or so I feel normal, but when I'm done having to focus on something it all comes right back again. I think it may be good to do puzzles or something. For me, I play a lot of video games. I zone out so I can relax.


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

resonantblue said:


> So I started to feel a LOT better for a while.. then I began "PMS-ing" and it threw me completely back into it (Wondering if other women have experienced that).
> 
> Also, I feel as though my DP moves in waves... and every time it gets strong, it's a bigger wave and my perception is different (more DPd) than the last time I had an episode.
> 
> ...


Very interesting. I haven't had a period for 3 years now. I remember constantly ruminating about death and how I got to be this person. I became like a foreign entity to myself. This went on for years and back then I was re-diagnosed from Bipolar 1, to scizoeffective disorder. I had that diagnoses for a year and that was about 3 years ago. Then it was told to me I had severe dpd. This diagnoses has taken since 1991 to discover! I've had it for going on 3 years! The other diagnoses were wrong! Now that blows my mind! Because I have always hallucinated but knew I was hallucinating, somehow I am getting used to this. I hear people in my head too most of the time. I even dream and meet these people! Don't let me scare you please. I find it all very interesting. Like the veil between the invisible and this world is thinner than it is for most people. It scared me for a time and still does sometimes. I work hard on keeping myself and others safe from my dreaminess. But I can actually find it amusing and enjoyable too. I've had this disorder for as long as I can remember. I could have been born this way. My therapist thinks I suffered trauma as a child but I have no memory of it.

For me the constant rumination of everything I get going on in my head, cause it switches from one crusade to another, goes away after I ruminate it to death. Like what you are going through I went through for years till one day it was different. Could have been three years ago when I quit getting pms. It wasn't happening anymore. Thank goodness. Focusing exercises I hear are great. I do some habitually all day to stay somewhat grounded. I thought about God constantly for a long time and what had happened to me concerning this thing that may or may not be.lol. Then it was end of the world stuff. Now I'm into conspiresy theories! I have to laugh at myself. It's either that or cry!


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