# thought dissociation is driving me too suicide



## Bosko

I seriously cannot take this feeling anymore, i am literally shaking in fear every day and i feel totally out of it. i feel like killing myself because its getting worse and worse. I have an appointment with a psych in a few days time but i dunno if he's even going to know what to do. My inner monologue feels foreign and its making me want to drive a steak through my brain. This is hoorrible.


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## Guest

Feeling any better today Wobbler?


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## ntt89

You wouldn't be able to explain what you mean by thought dissociation would you? I think i may experience something similar.


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## Bosko

check my previous posts. Its weird like what im thinking isnt me, like my inner monologue isnt mine. It sucks badly.


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## Brittany329

I'm sooo sorry to hear this : ( please hang in there.


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## Bosko

I feel totally beaten by this. Nothing i do seems to help me, im confused and terrified. Massive bags under my eyes, cant sleep,havent had a hair cut in months. im starting to fell REALLY odd, i thought my dad was talking to me, but he wasnt. Earlier i felt like everyone was talking about me and i was sitting in the other room. when im drifting off too sleep i sort of hear voices in my head, i dunno if thats right, but its like im not thinking, somebody else is. If what I think isnt me, then im lving in a prison. THAT IS THE SCARIEST THING. I can feel my thoughts, they feel like they are incontrol of me and i am not related to them. That makes me feel suicidal, because i cant take that fear, its imossible to expkain it which adds to the fear. at least i look crazy now, maybe theyll take more notice of me. im really bored of it.


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## platourchin

1


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## Bosko

I literally cannot stand being alive. im so tired of this.


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## Mario

dancingwobbler said:


> I literally cannot stand being alive. im so tired of this.


Hi Kane
Go to a Hospital.Tell there that you are having a severe episode of anxiety,almost a panic attack and ask them a prescription for a benzo.
You are needed of a benzo.


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## Bosko

i can describe what this is like. It feels like im dying.


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## Mario

dancingwobbler said:


> i can describe what this is like. It feels like im dying.


kane
If your are feeling so bad like that,there is one more reason for you to go to a Hospital as soon as possible.
You are not going to give up now.Go there and get the benzo man.You have the chance to recover.Don't waist it.You can do it


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## Bosko

Just got back from a and e

By the time id driven there I began to feel ok. Turned around and chickened out. I dont understand why I get scared of hospitals but i absoloutley hate them, and I find doctors really obnoxious. Still waiting to see a CBT therapist but not really seeing how this can help with thought dissociation. Probably wont be able to sleep tonight, but fuck it im used to it now anyway. I need some type of Med like you mentioned mario, because this problem I have is happening everyday and is chronic. it is impossible to describe what its like unless youve experienced it but ohnsetly it is hell. Im pretty sure this is what hell must be like. Im not exaggerating, its absurd. Ive experienced agoinising pain before, and id take that anyday over this. My state of mind atm is that if a doctor told me I was dying I would be relieved. I know it sounds bad but thats the truth.


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## Bosko

Today I had a moment of realisation, that whatever is inside my head never goes away. There is nothing more frightening than the way i feel how something has changed inside my mind. 2 years of trying to pretned i was ok with drinking and ignoring it have finally caught up with me. Someting that amplifies the panic is the realisation of how chronic/weird/wtf is happening to me. Has anybody known of people who have been at point where they seriously cannot see a way out and got through it? I need some sort of hope story. Im so tired of this weird feeling, i cant evem explain it anymore. It does ohnestly feel like im going to die.


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## Mario

Hi Kane
You said on your previous post that when you were driving to the hospital you start to feel ok and then you drove back.why?If you were feeling ok,that was a very strong reason for you to keep going.
I can understand when you say you don't like doctors,but you have to understand that they are the only people that can prescribe the meds you need.
You should have kept going to the hospital.At least for a moment you have to forget that you don't like doctors,specialy because you need them.
what did you benefit by driving back?Are you feeling better now?No,I don't think so.
Man,you are not dying.That's just an obsessive idea that came up to your mind.Your mind is very tired and any bad idea just fixs in it.Please,go to see a doctor as soon as possible as you already know quite well what you need,cause i've already told you so.This is your well being we are talking about,isn't it?

All the best 
Mario


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## Mario

Kane
with the right meds you could be better today.

YOU CAN GET BETTER!!!


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## Mario

I'm not being able to send you PM's.Maybe your messenger storage is full


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## Bosko

? I dunno about that man, its not full. This past week the feeling has changed, I dont like whats happening at all. this is getting really serious now, the thought dissociation feels really odd, to the point i cant describe it. Panic attacks are happening to me like 5 times a day. Really weird.


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## Mario

dancingwobbler said:


> ? I dunno about that man, its not full. This past week the feeling has changed, I dont like whats happening at all. this is getting really serious now, the thought dissociation feels really odd, to the point i cant describe it. Panic attacks are happening to me like 5 times a day. Really weird.


Could it be that the antidepressant is causing the change?Maybe there is a connection.
For me antidepressants only made things worse.
About the panic attacks,Xanax is known as the most effective benzo on the market to control panic attacks
Do you see any chance to talk (even if by phone)to the doctor who prescribed you the antidepressant and tell him about this new situation?


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## Bosko

Mario said:


> Could it be that the antidepressant is causing the change?Maybe there is a connection.
> For me antidepressants only made things worse.
> About the panic attacks,Xanax is known as the most effective benzo on the market to ontrol panic attacks
> Do you see any chance to talk (even if by phone)to the doctor who prescribed you the antidepressant and tell him about this new situation?


i havent been taking the antid's, they never help me either, and withdrawls give me the worst brain zaps. I cant explain what its like anymore, but i went to my doc today, and they rang up the clinic for me too see a conultant psychiatrist asap, ie next week apparently. Im fed up of saying it again and again but this is just getting ridiculous now, and i am more concerned about what i might do too myself. These waves of like, confusion, realisation of what is happening, terrible panic, screaming thoughts just hit me. Really shitty. I feel like ive been hit by a bus all the time, just no energy at all. I think what has held me back from finding something that works is because how rare this seems to be. I still have yet to meet one doctor who has understood what im talking about, the first psych i went too see told me point blank too stop worrying and there was nothing else he could do for me. lol. Psychiatrists are gr8!


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## lyn

Just want to add lorazepam/ativan helps immensely. I am on an anti-depressant which does help me but lorazepam helps until it takes effect. Takes trying a few anti's before finding the right one but I know my life would be miserable without one. I remember many days fearful of waking up, losing my mind, couldn't get out of bed the anxiety was so severe.. you remind me of how it was. I've had dissociation for 15 years. It used to drive me near insane trying to rid it. I now find accepting lessens the anxiety 10 times over. Meds help you function as well reading, 'Feeling Unreal' has helped. Knowing I'm not crazy, that dp is real. Acceptance does help ebb the anxiety. I've found you can't fight it so have to do what you can to lessen the effects from dp. Ergo meds, books, find walking fast for 30 min./day helps me. Discussing with people, most people, who have no clue does not help as just got me more frustrated and them puzzled.

I do sympathize with you a great deal, keep hanging on. What choice do we have but to keep going forward as best we can while we're here.

Lyn


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## rob35235

dancing wobbler,

I think I have experienced intense feelings like this. For me it is as if my mind/body needs something, but I don't know what. I have this nauseated energy that won't let me rest. I feel the need to jump out of my skin, I feel the need to not exist because I literally am very uncomfortable in my own skin. I lay in bed and shake for hours, then I get up and pee over and over and feel some better.


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## Bosko

its getting worse everyday, got a psych appoint this week, if i cant get relief from this i dont want to live with it anymore.


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## morozevich

How do you mean heard your thoughts? Like out loud in your ears like a real voice? I mean at the same sound level....?



platourchin said:


> I remember a time when I was really sick like that. A bunch of things happened that triggered me into an almost psychosis type state with a lot of the same stuff you are talking about. I remember my friend trying to get me out of the house... taking me to a restaurant and I was panicking because i was convinced everyone in the restaurant had been told that I was a bad person and so they were all talking about me in disgust. I also heard my thoughts and was not able to sleep and became unhygienic. For me the worst of it lasted about a month. I didn't ever manage to get help, even though at one point I was pleading to my parents to take me to the hospital so they could put me to sleep until the pain went away. But to an extent I am happy that I made it through without spiking my insurance rates or owing a bunch of money. The sickness did eventually fade away, and I started to feel better, I don't really remember when and how because it was so gradual. I think back that I probably should have taken some anti-psychotics and anti-anxiety stuff to help me. I was so crazy though that I couldn't really get myself to a doctor. I would say though that if you can hold out for the psych it will be a real blessing... a lot of times if you say its an emergency they will open up a slot the same day. I think that the drugs will help a bit to get you through the hard times. It's hard, but try to tell yourself that its not going to last forever, and just do what you can with what little energy you have to get better. I wish you the best, keep looking up.


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## morozevich

If you mean by "thought dissociation" that you feel that the thoughts is seperated from yourself and foreign like you know logically it's your thoughts but you can't "feel them belonging to you" I can relate to that. 
Do you feel that they are somehow controlled? Somebody elses? This is questions the Dr. Will ask you



dancingwobbler said:


> I seriously cannot take this feeling anymore, i am literally shaking in fear every day and i feel totally out of it. i feel like killing myself because its getting worse and worse. I have an appointment with a psych in a few days time but i dunno if he's even going to know what to do. My inner monologue feels foreign and its making me want to drive a steak through my brain. This is hoorrible.


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