# Mini-Emergency, Can someone help? (Benzos)



## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Hey everyone,

I need some advice. As most of you know, I stopped taking my Benzos last week (started tapering off last Monday and was off them completely last Thursday). I've had so many ups and downs in that time its unreal. It started out looking fine, felt ZERO withdrawal symptoms. Then I started getting headaches, body aches, tremors, heightened anxiety, etc. Just two days ago I was down to having just the body aches left, and was pretty sure i had beaten the withdrawal - once again, I was celebrating too soon.

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling extra anxious, and in the course of 24 hours I have deteriorated to the point where I am almost as bad as I was when this all started. IMMENSE anxiety, several panic attacks in that time, I have been irritable and cranky, and for full disclosure: I have been feeling like I don't want to live any more. I don't think I could ever in a million years commit suicide, but I am scared beyond belief at the prospect of these feelings.

I am in really rough shape. I have to imagine this is withdrawal still, primarily because I have no real obsessive thoughts to go along with this fear. I don't feel like I am scaring myself, I just feel terrified.

My question: What do you guys think: Do I go back on Benzos? What the heck do I do? At this point is it better to suffer through and be done with them? I'm just so worried that this is going to wreck all of my progress. I really, really want to take a Benzo really bad as I am in a complete state of panic but I also know that if I start up again I may have to go through this hell again. I just don't know if its better to start up on them again, stabilize and then try coming off them again much more slowly this time, maybe getting some valium to help? Or should I hang in there. What if this gets worse?

Thanks guys. I really appreciate any help you can give me. I'm FREAKING out.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Just my advice, take a benzo. You dont have to go back on them, but when you reach points like where you're at now, where it's unbearable- imo you should take one. Hang in there buddy, these things DO pass, you just have to make it through and you'll feel great again eventually.


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## Guest (Apr 9, 2009)

I have no advice to give since I've only ever taken benzos a handful of times, but I can empathise because I've suffered through withdrawal (to the extent of Rebound Effect) recently.

I also know how scary Suicidal Ideation can be. My only advice, such as it is, would be to - if indeed you're still adamant that you don't want to be taking benzos - try to wait another week (and I know that for someone with anxiety, panic disorder and depersonalisation disorder that's an eternity) and if you're still feeling shite, then think about starting to take benzos again. Because a week seems to me like a relatively short time in the weird world of pharmaceutical withdrawal. Sure you'll've pissed out all of the remaining benzo metabolites by now, but their presence, or lack thereof, will still be having an effect. Or at least, for what it's worth, the way my limited intellect understands it.


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## Chillwynston (Apr 3, 2009)

I think what you have to realise that it's the cold turkey that is making you feel like this, its a fake feeling, its not really you!!

Maybe take one to calm yourself, then take half next and so how it goes... Also expect to feel bad don't think you will get away with it so easily... Withdrawals can last a few days usually after that you will start to feel good again...

Good Luck Soldier!!!


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Thanks so much for the replies, I really needed to hear from some other people.

I hung in there this morning - I actually went to class and made a presentation in front of my class for 15 minutes, and actually did a pretty damn good job with it. All the while feeling depressed, anxious, and horrified beyond belief. I have also been feeling feverish and like I was going to throw up.

This is NUTS. I seriously was on Benzos for only 3 months and not once did my daily dose ever exceed more than 1mg. There are people here who have been on much more than that and don't experience withdrawal at all. It just goes to show you how different all of our brains are - apparently I am REALLY sensitive to Benzos (which I kind of gathered from all the other emotional problems they were causing me).

I'm still going to try and hold out and not take one. I won't hesitate to take one if I really need it, but its easter weekend so I am going to my parents house later tonight for the weekend. They always baby me when they know i'm not feeling well which is exactly what I need right now, to feel the burden of keeping myself together lifted from me for a bit. I'll keep everyone up to date.

Pleaseee let this not last much longer. Cross your fingers for me, i dont know that I can take much more.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Update: Spent the last two hours looking for some advice on this including posting on that anti-Benzo website (perhaps not the best source, but they do at least seem knowledgable), talking to my pharmacist, calling TeleHealth Ontario (the government's health information line here), etc. - I received advice from multiple sources to reinstate on the Benzos, and see if that makes my symptoms go away. I just took my first Clonazepam in 8 days, meaning I am bowing out of this fight for now - provided it stops the withdrawal symptoms.

Apparently it might be too late to reinstate, but that its worth a try. To get back on Benzos, level out on Clonazepam for a couple more weeks and then taper off using Valium very slowly in the coming weeks.

Apparently its also not that odd to become addicted to Clonazepam after such a short time and on such a small dosage. Yikes. Be careful with your benzos everyone. I know first hand how much they can help, but i'm now quickly seeing the other side of the coin and its not so pleasant.


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## konstantine02 (Mar 12, 2009)

I'd say take a Benzo if you really need one, I don't think it would hurt to occasionally take one, just don't go back onto them as an everyday thing. I was on Ativan for a couple of weeks straight (only .5mg), and the day I decided to go off of it cold turkey I started feeling nausious and shaky. I then weened myself by taking one every other day, then a couple a week, now I take like, one a week. It's sad how our bodies all handle these things differently. My body is very very veryyyyyyy sensitive to drugs.

*Looks at emergency Ativan in drawer.* Meh. Don't need one today (thankfully).


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

konstantine02 said:


> I'd say take a Benzo if you really need one, I don't think it would hurt to occasionally take one, just don't go back onto them as an everyday thing. I was on Ativan for a couple of weeks straight (only .5mg), and the day I decided to go off of it cold turkey I started feeling nausious and shaky. I then weened myself by taking one every other day, then a couple a week, now I take like, one a week. It's sad how our bodies all handle these things differently. My body is very very veryyyyyyy sensitive to drugs.


That's a really good idea, that could make things easier if you're setting a goal to get off benzos completely. Maybe you are overly anxious at the thought of going on in life without the comfort of benzos. That could cause you to perceive the withdrawal as worse than it really is. Actually I guess that would just be a side effect of the withdrawal, which will gradually fade over time (if this were the case).

Are you discontinuing use because the pro's don't outweigh the con's when considering the overall use of clonazepam?


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Are you discontinuing use because the pro's don't outweigh the con's when considering the overall use of clonazepam?


Yeah. It is just becoming more and more clear to me that Benzos are a dangerous route for me to take. 0.5mg stopped working rather quickly and I was beginning to experience withdrawal symptoms just from being on them. Thus I needed to start taking 1mg and I could just see it turning into a VERY ugly addiction sooner rather than later.

They work well for me in terms of calming my anxiety, but long term I don't think they are a solution for me. That isn't to say I don't think they can be longer term solutions for other people, but I am very sensitive to them, and this unbelievable week of hell only proves that further to me.

Provided my doctor agrees with me I am going to go on the long term withdrawal strategy where I substitute klonopin for valium and then very slowly taper off that. Hopefully it will be a smoother transition.

Honestly right now I am thankful I took another benzo - I was bordering on delusional with terror last night. Pure hell.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

Why did you go on benzos in the first place? Likely because of anxiety right? Well if whatever is causing your anxiety hasn't gone away, then when going off of the benzo's you'll have to deal with your anxiety AND withdrawal. Maybe now isn't the best time for you to go off of them yet?


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Conjurus said:


> Why did you go on benzos in the first place? Likely because of anxiety right? Well if whatever is causing your anxiety hasn't gone away, then when going off of the benzo's you'll have to deal with your anxiety AND withdrawal. Maybe now isn't the best time for you to go off of them yet?


You are right, and I have nothing to back this up, but I had a feeling but I felt I had maxed the potential for the Benzos to help me. They were starting to not work anymore, create withdrawal symptoms even before I started actually withdrawing, etc. The only way I felt better was when I took the extra pill in the evening. I just saw a terrible trend coming out of this where I would have to keep upping my dose.

You are right though - I am still far from cured, and the regular feelings of anxiety and depression combined with benzo withdrawal was a little too much to handle. I think if i'm going to cope with it I need to taper really really really slowly. I'm going to get re-stabilized on my benzos over the next few weeks, see how I feel and then at least give the diazepam swap for withdrawal a shot.

I just don't like feeling trapped on this medication, but if it is my only option right now then so be it.


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## Conjurus (Oct 25, 2008)

I know how you feel.

When i went to the psych ward I was diagnosed with prolonged PTSD with dissociative features as well as bipolar (unspecified? not I or II), social phobia, depression and anxiety. They put me on 4 different medications- Vistaril (Which was a replacement for the xanax I had been on for 3 months), Increased the Anafranil I was already on, Invega, and Lamictal. I also take Synthroid for my thyroid disease. This means I was on 5 different medications. Not only that, but I couldn't take them all at once, I had to take some before bed and when i woke up.

It all got expensive pretty quickly since we have to pay for our meds here in the US, don't know how it works in Canada. I was tired of depending on all this medicine to make me feel good, so one by one I got rid of them. Now I'm only on my thyroid meds and I take a Vistaril before bed and one before work. I still sometimes feel better than other times because of being bipolar, but I figure, I dealt with it my whole life not knowing I had it, I can deal with it again, except now I've got my anxiety medicine to help me.

I don't know man, it's a real struggle, but going cold turkey, especially if you still have underlying anxiety, is probably not the way to go, so you're right you'll need to taper gradually. I hope you get the plan going that you want to do- the different interacting tapering med program sounds good.


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## Matt210 (Aug 15, 2004)

Conjurus said:


> It all got expensive pretty quickly since we have to pay for our meds here in the US, don't know how it works in Canada. I was tired of depending on all this medicine to make me feel good, so one by one I got rid of them. Now I'm only on my thyroid meds and I take a Vistaril before bed and one before work. I still sometimes feel better than other times because of being bipolar, but I figure, I dealt with it my whole life not knowing I had it, I can deal with it again, except now I've got my anxiety medicine to help me.
> 
> I don't know man, it's a real struggle, but going cold turkey, especially if you still have underlying anxiety, is probably not the way to go, so you're right you'll need to taper gradually. I hope you get the plan going that you want to do- the different interacting tapering med program sounds good.


Wow, good for you. I knew things were really turning around for you (congratulations by the way, I dont think i've told you that), but I didn't realize you had also gotten yourself off your med cocktail. If I can get off Benzos I may give Vistaril a shot as an alternative, but im a long way away from that right now.

Luckily drugs are basically free here provided you are either under 25 or employed full time, so that is not an issue for me. Canada's health care system certainly trumps the United States system in that way. You pay for it in longer waiting times, and sometimes more incompetent doctors - but its all affordable and mostly free.

Thanks again for the help today, i'm going to crash for the night - hopefully i can sleep through the night after taking that Benzo.


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