# Dreams



## rainchild8 (Oct 24, 2007)

_'Here we go again'_, you think. First the _dizziness_, then the _confusion_, then the _questions _that _don't stop_ rolling through your mind. _'Am I real?_' You don't feel like it. _'Could this really all be a dream? Possibly_.'

And then everything feels like it could be in s l o w ? m o t i o n, but it _isn't_. _Everything _could happen or _nothing at all._ And it's scary. And it's hard to continue on like everything is normal, just for the sake of *her*. Just so *she *is happy. Just so *they *are not worried. You pretend everything is alright, when everything is just the _opposite_.

But you continue. With these thoughts in your head.

_ 'Am I in a movie?'

'It's possible that I'm just sleeping

and it's just that I'm having a very real-feeling dream

or it could be that I'm very much awake and that it just feels like

a very fake-reality._'

But somehow you _know _it's all real, and that's the *worst part*. It all feels so _real_, and yet... it _doesn't_. It feels *fake*, like your life has been a _lie_. And you remember everything,

_your first best friend

your first crush

the time you accidentally broke moms vase

the day your dad left

that night you cried yourself to sleeping

that time when you made everyone laugh

and it felt so good

until you found they were laughing at you

instead of with you_
But it's like those memories belong to someone _else_. Like you're looking at someone _elses _life, like you stole _their _body, and _their _memories, and you're desperately trying to convince yourself that, _no_, these are your memories, and _no_, this isn't someone elses family, and yes, this really is your face, your body, your hair and your eyes that you see in the mirror, not _someone elses_. Or is it?

And when you speak, it feels like someone _else _is speaking _for _you. Like _someone else_ has come to invade this _body-that-may-or-not-be-yours_. Like _someone _has put you in the back of your own head. Like they've *decided *to take over, do the *speaking*, do the *moving*, do the *emotions*, and leave you to just... _think_. That's all you are now. A thought. A single thought. A million thoughts. But always, just a thought.

And when _the-person-that-isn't-really-you _trys to explain all this, it comes out *wrong, wrong, wrong*, and they don't understand, and you're *trying, trying, trying *to get them to understand that right now, _you don't feel *right*_. And the only way to explain this is saying that you're in a _dream_, that none of this is _real _that _you don't feel good_ and to please, just please leave you alone, you want to be alone, please, okay, goodnight, time to sleep, time to start really dreaming. Goodnight.

And all of this scares you, especially when you get what you want, and your *alone*, inside this room that _doesn't really look like yours_, and yet it does. You want to be *alone*, but it is so *much, much *worse being *alone *than being with _them_. And you _*love *_it and you _*hate *_it and please, just please. Because there is nothing else to say but please, because _you're not exactly_ sure what you want. What you want is to feel _real _again, to feel _alive _and _well_, and not like you're in a *goddamn dream *anymore. You're _*sick *_and _*tired *_of feeling _*unreal*_, and you're _scared_, oh so, so _scared _of forever being in this place. This place _in-between _your dreams and realities. And then you start _thinking _again, because, really, that's all you can do is _think_.

_'What if I'm stuck here forever?'

This hell that isn't really real, nor is it really fake?

What if I never escape and I die like this?'_

And the *fear *is _so real_, and your body is _so not_, and you think you might just go insane with it all. So, religious or not, you start *praying *to whoever might be up there, *praying *for them to, please, please *God *please, let you out of this hell. Help you through this _dream-that-isn't-real_. Please. And that's all there is to say, just please, please, *God*, please, _save me_.


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## rainchild8 (Oct 24, 2007)

Sorry it's so long. And it looked better indented, but I'm not going back to fix it all, it took to long just to get all of the bold, italics and underlines in there.


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## cybermantis (May 29, 2006)

you expressed it well, especially about the memories


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## newuser20 (Feb 25, 2009)

That made me tear up.
I know exactly where you're coming from.
It's tough, I'm young,
I don't need this, none of us do.
But I think it all has to do with being "lost" in a sense.
And we need that strength that we're struggling to find.
To take control, and to realize we have control.
Maybe thats what this is all about. 
Those that have healed from this say, the best way to end it is to simply change your thinking,
to stop obsessing and trying to find that answer. easier done then said, but we've got to try something.

watch the movie *the secret*, it says everything comes from a thought, we came from a thought, and the mind is a powerful thing.
According to famous scientists, "the law of attraction" states that what you are attracted to you, you attract. Its kind of like sending a signal off into
the universe. I know, sounds ridiculous right? But anxiety comes from thought in a sense...so just think positively,
and hope.


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## deadtoself (Apr 13, 2009)

Wow. Really good. What kinda sucks is that _we_ read something like this and know _exactly_ what you mean, but I'm always afraid that trying to explain it to "normal" people is impossible, like they just won't get it. But there's hope, even if you've had it all your life.


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## Ryddle (Sep 19, 2009)

That is the best explanation i have ever read on how it feels. ive used several of the analogies you use myself but never put them together so well as this. all in all a terribly wonderful piece.

-Jak


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Wow I felt like I was reading my own mind as I read that


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