# Recovery story from long term DP



## coolcats123 (Feb 8, 2012)

i remember finding this forum ages ago, if I had to guess I'd say probably around 2006 or 2007. i figured it's a bit selfish to have recovered from this and not make it known.

briefly i'll just give you my "story"

when i was 13 years old, i got really high and had a "bad experience", it was like looking at 2D screen at the end of a really long tunnel, coupled with a very low "FPS", about 10 frames per second or so I'd say. This caused me to panic, my friends, of course, wouldn't let me go into my house and tell my parents though which made things worse.

This sensation didn't leave me for a long time. This was the month before I started high school that this happened, and so it changed my course in life entirely. I suffered with this problem all through high school. I avoided alcohol (as well as every other substance) because I was afraid of similar effects. As a result, I got into programming and linux and guitar and other stuff to keep my brain occupied.

The feeling, as you're all aware, felt like what it must feel like to be in hell. And it was always there at some low level.

Jump ahead, I'm 24 years old now and I consider myself completely better. I am also studying engineering at college now. Internationally, all alone. I moved up here without knowing anyone. I consider all of that evidence of a good recovery. Prior, I had been too scared to do things like go to a movie theater (the screen is a pretty bad reminder of the hell I was trapped in and would bring about panic attacks) and other things. Agoraphobia , etc.

I'd say I suffered with the problem from 13-19/20 years old. At 19 and 20 I started drinking though, which made my life way better. Just knowing that I had alcohol available as a "safety net" was reassuring. I love beer.

What really helped me was when I started getting into mathematics/science/atheism. I was a poor student in HS, with awful grades in simple math courses. But around the age of 19/20/21 I started getting interested in these things, and it's almost like they had some cleansing affect on my brain. I developed a mind that was capable of being rational. A brain that did not fall victim to panicking over the supernatural (maybe I'm in hell. maybe I have died).

Furthermore, my interest in these topics showed me how broad this universe is. And the small, insignificant, vulnerable, feeling that I felt with my DP/DR no longer seemed to bother me. Something about having a real understanding of how vast the universe is, how life has evolved, how we're all composed of star stuff, etc., really helped me in a (totally non-supernatural) "spiritual" way.

All of this, coupled with a very helpful suggestion from a therapist: that I must, no matter how afraid I may be of it, under no circumstances, try to "fight" the visual disturbances when they were coming on. Instead, I must tell myself that I understand this is just a natural response of my brain, trying to protect me from some danger. (A new found understanding of evolution through natural selection made this seem very reasonable to me). Additionally, it was not only sufficient to not fight it, but I must try to force the symptoms to happen. This is the _only_ way (according to him - and as this anecdotal evidence suggests) to overcome it.

This is probably nothing new here. And I know how difficult and scary it can be. (Saying "fuck it" helps)

This is the only way to break the feedback loop of anxiety/visual symptoms that is occurring in your brain. It takes some time.

Once you start to try to bring on the symptoms (you must be truly dedicated to it. ready to face the inevitable anxiety. you cannot back down ever), it breaks the flag in your brain that the "visual symptoms" are reason for panic and concern... which of course contributes to more visual disturbances, creating more panic., etc ad infinitum.

I'm sure that you've all heard that before though. Pretty straight forward stuff. But it might give you hope.

I'm actually thankful I went through that hell for all of those years. If I didn't I don't think I'd be wear I am today.

MMORPG's helped a little bit too (in coping)


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## Guest (Feb 9, 2012)

coolcats123 said:


> i remember finding this forum ages ago, if I had to guess I'd say probably around 2006 or 2007. i figured it's a bit selfish to have recovered from this and not make it known.
> 
> briefly i'll just give you my "story"
> 
> ...


I can relate, I'm slightly Agoraphobic, I like alcohol, am an Athiest. I've had DPD since I was really little, and I don't think it's going to go away, unless I get a brain transplant.


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## Guest (Feb 9, 2012)

what do you mean 2d screen at the end of a tunnel?


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

dpsucksbig.... said:


> what do you mean 2d screen at the end of a tunnel?


80% of micropsia (seeing things smaller) can be attributed to focal temporal lobe seizure.
This story is exactly like mine, except mine started with a strange sensation in my stomache, and ended with
about 2 minutes of epileptic discharges from my left temporal lobe. Tunneling of vision during epileptic 
discharge is an experience you won't forget, but might not be able to make sense of in the altered state you will find yourself in. You'll be wondering if someone didn't drop some acid in your beer.
You can google images of "metamorphopsia" and see pics that are caused by retinal issues.
During seizure, the effect is way more pronounced.
If your cannabis experiences tend toward these symptoms, (slide show, framing, loss of visual motion) I guess you don't need anyone to tell you that you are not headed for enlightenment or a pleasant experience.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

I think most people here feel like things are a little bigger or smaller or "something" which wouldn't fit that disorder. I really kind if wish people would stop up playing seizures, people are already so paranoid that something is wrong like that, yes people with bad dp or if it comes strongly in episodes should see a neurologist for an eval, but in most cases seizures aren't going to be involved


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## LogLady (Oct 17, 2011)

Thank you so much for this post! It helps immensely to read success stories, and is probably my favorite thing about coming to this board.

I feel like I'm getting really close, dipping in and out of dp/dr for almost the past month, and the times when the binds have broken have been AMAZING. It took me hitting rock bottom (borderline suicidal) before I started seeing any progress.

Facing the symptoms without fear does seem to be an essential part. I'm going to try this whole bringing them on intentionally thing with ease and confidence. Sounds tough, but also makes sense.


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