# DP/DR since January 8th, 2008



## drearydoor (Jan 22, 2015)

Hello there dpselfhelp,

How are you all?

I've had DPD with DR since I was 14 years old and I'm 21 now. Other than that dreaded time, I have come to sort of live in my Depersonalization and Derealization state, but am still the keeper of tremendous anxiety.

Currently, I find it almost physically incapable of forming close bonds with people, since they still don't feel as real as before I had dp. Granted, I did get dp at a very young age (weed induced) and I probably didn't have many coping strategies to understand my whirlwind of emotions as I do now, but I feel like it's our natural human nature to want to be close to people so we don't feel left behind or too alone.

I'm an introvert on a daily basis, which means I'm most energized and happy having space to myself.

Another great step I've made in life is completing two semesters in my college with A's and am actually going to start on my upcoming third semester tomorrow. I couldn't have done that before because of my panic attacks and anxiety as a whole.

The pep talk I give myself everyday is very simple: take a few deep breaths because everything will be okay. I'm not sure why this simple phrase helps me anymore, but what I do know is that the more I get out the house, and try to do "normal" things, the more confident I get within myself.

I have had some failures, though

-I keep dropping jobs

-I keep staying up at night, thus not getting enough rest to function well enough during the day

-I get too comfortable in my depression and stay in bed

-Feel hopeless a lot, therefore giving up on my goals

-Avoiding social situations because it could trigger some panic attack

Even though I avoid social situations, I am still an introvert at heart, so please don't mistake introvert-ness with the social anxiety. I hope that makes clear enough sense.

I have had less accomplishments, but the quality of them surpass the negatives

-I went on job interviews even though I ended up quitting

-I went to school, even if I was sleep deprived

-I've met a friend or two that helped me be/find myself

-Socializing is heart-wrenching, but people don't seem to notice, which means I'm doing a good job keeping myself composed in real life

-Feeling valuable enough to complete small goals

-Forgetting DP/DR exists, at least for a short while

Since I've had DPD for such a long time, I feel like it's become my new reality. I'm not afraid of my DR, unless it skyrockets out of proportion. Do you guys feel like your DR scares you, at least visually, more than DP?


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## beefyflamingo (Nov 6, 2013)

My DP/DR never really bothers me anymore, unless its exceptionally bad in a stressful situation. What did you study? Have you got a therapist?

Thanks for the post


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## drearydoor (Jan 22, 2015)

That's what I feel too: DP/DR at this point doesn't bother me most of the day, though the underlying issues of anxiety are still there. DR is still very trippy as hell.

I'm still studying my general education courses; I still don't know what I want to major in.

As of now, I'm searching for a therapist. My current on-and-off therapist isn't experienced in the anxiety realm, so I am in the process of speaking to my current therapist's supervisor. I have an appointment next week in order to advocate my needs.

No problem--thank you for the welcome.

P.S.- Do you have a therapist? Or are you self reliant, perhaps, as your own?


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## beefyflamingo (Nov 6, 2013)

I'd say take your time with your studies and dont rush into anything. I dont have a therapist either. Talkig abaout DP/DR is exhausting and boring for me now. I guess thats a good thing, though I might seek one soon as i have had it a long time chrinically and it has not had any avail


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## Guest (Jan 25, 2015)

As beefy said, take your time with your studies, I was rush rush rush to finish and got my degree, but ended up in a field i wanted nothing to do with, so now i'm headed back to grad school and for big student debt! Take your time and enjoy it, real life can wait a couple more years!! Also finding the right therapist is probably the hardest thing to do, but once you do, it's perfect. I'm still on the search, 28 years into this world and i'm still looking lol.


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## kclemens1 (Jul 12, 2011)

I'm at the point I can't go to a job without losing my shit and it comes out of no where and cripples me, hell I can't even drive down the road, I feel as if I'm fucked and am being told disability is the way to go due to my crippling factor, I'm 28 and used to be a fun person


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## Irene (Nov 13, 2014)

kclemens1 said:


> I'm at the point I can't go to a job without losing my shit and it comes out of no where and cripples me, hell I can't even drive down the road, I feel as if I'm fucked and am being told disability is the way to go due to my crippling factor, I'm 28 and used to be a fun person


I feel like this as well but having a family that relies on me makes me feel the pressure of having to continue striving.I don't have the option to quit my job or stop driving.Some days I have more clarity than others.The only thing that gets me through it is the thought that tomorrow might be a better day...


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## LBvsDerealization (Nov 11, 2014)

Hi, I just wanted to say I found your post really interesting. I have had DPDR for a long time now - nigh on 10 years. In recent months I have become very scared by the whole feeling of detachment/DR which in turn has made me feel even worse than before.

I now understand the importance of accepting it and am trying to rationalise it instead of being scared of it. I am hoping that this new structure, plus my new meds, will somehow lead to the path of recovery.

Don't dwell on the "failures". There are no failures with DPDR in my eyes. Non-sufferers have no idea what its like to live with this god awful illness. All of your failures i have felt too but i refer to them as "blips" and do everything i can to learn from them.

Sending you a big hug. Stay strong x


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## Florena (Feb 9, 2015)

drearydoor said:


> I'm not sure why this simple phrase helps me anymore, but what I do know is that the more I get out the house, and try to do "normal" things, the more confident I get within myself.


I can agree with you. I have it 4 years now and all the time I can remember I forced myself to go out and meet some people to forget about DP.

Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. But it always seems the best way to get trough this. The last year I almost forgot about it from time to time.

Acceptance is a big step but I think it's not all to get to recovery.

Don't think too much about your failures. It took much courage to go through!

wish you all the best!


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## drearydoor (Jan 22, 2015)

Hey people,

This is an update!

I'm still in school and finally chose a major.

It's still difficult for me to get up in the morning---I mean really get up. It takes me an hour or two to get ready because I dread the day. My feelings have really become numb, but the weird part is that I'm okay with it. There is happiness that shows up during the day, but it passes. I don't feel depressed or sad per se, just sick of the numbness. People are gravitating towards me because I'm my authentic self, which isn't really bubbly but I constantly love making jokes. I'm still the same introverted person I was last year and the years before.

I still feel unreal all the time. I thought it would pass by now. Actually, it did get better for a couple of years. Something is shifting. Maybe it's part of growing up to feel this numb and DPD intensifies it.

Other good things: I have a job and volunteer often. I still feel more detached than ever before though. School has helped me love learning again for the first year I was there, but this year is a little different.


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