# Anxiety, DPDR, Existential thoughts.



## Arc (Jul 30, 2019)

Hey all, my name is Alyssa I'm 26 and have been suffering from this sense about 2012. I've recovered 4 times. Relapsed 5. I think a big thing for me is knowing I'm not alone in this, so here I am. Here to help, here to have a shoulder to lean on. If anyone has any good pointers to climb out of the rabbit hole please comment. Or if you have any worries let's try to solve them together.


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

Welcome to the forum Arc,

Can I ask how you made it out those 4 times? And what is holding you in the DP zone this time around? Myself I've done nothing else but try to think my way out. It's been 16 years now this month of July. I haven't had any breaks from it, 24/7. On the bright side, I am starting to recover, actually consider myself 95%, but there's still that little bit. What I really think is happening is that I've grown stronger than the symptoms (most of them). I work, socialize, do all the things a person without dp might do. Except I'm older now so my priorities have shifted. Being an adult often means you have your shit together but there's still a pile of shit to get in order.


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## Arc (Jul 30, 2019)

Well the first time, I ended up on SSRIS. 2nd time, and 3rd time I put myself into an outpatient program which they raised my SSRI'S, and the 3rd time they added abilify. I got off the abilify as soon as possible. I hated it. I learned a lot in the program, but I still owe them like 2700 dollars.????‍♀ The 4th time I started meditating I just found out I was pregnant and made it through somehow without anything else besides meditating and keeping myself busy. This time, I'm meditating, my SSRI'S have been raised again. Which has helped, but now it's just phasing out the thoughts, and returning to normal life. Hard part. Each time I get into these episodes I'm in a high high time of stress and one time I put myself into it with the smoking of weed unfortuatley. We have to change aspects of our life when we get this way.. Hard part for me as well. I'm currently trying to eat better, not be so hard on myself. I'm not working, because I have 2 kids and it's just easier to be home with them. I want to be home with them. But everyday with 2 monsters can also make anyone anxious. So I let people help me now. Get out of the house more. Less video games cause I went on a bender there for a long time. Which can also make the DPDR flare up. I used it as a escape for all the things I thought I was doing wrong in my life. I didnt fix them I just ignored them until they all came crashing down. I now have a stable psych, and therapist for free thanks to my local services. And I have good days and bad days. I'm trying to keep certain words out of my thought process. Like Real, and unreal. Instead if I get thoughts like this I remind myself of were I am or who is around me. With the existential fears, obviously there are no answers for those ; so I'm just trying to let them go all together saying they dont matter. Cause I have a life to live. I've made it through before, I will make it again.. fingers crossed. Sorry for the really long reply.


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## ThoughtOnFire (Feb 10, 2015)

You will make it again! Meditation has been my number one coping and recovering skill as well. I believe in the power of each person. This may be DP "Self" Help. But what we do here is help each other along the way. Community is very important and being alone with this is absolute hell. You are strong and we've got your back. Again, welcome


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## Arc (Jul 30, 2019)

Thank you so much!


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