# Sort of Recovered?



## whatthehell (Jul 27, 2010)

Today has been a pretty solid day. I don't feel anxious or depressed, or really DP or DR. I feel basically normal. 
Its nice, but so strange in a way. Because I remember how fucked up everything was and I am still up and down a little here and there.
No where near as bad as 8 months ago. I am taking lexapro, which seems to help in general and ativan if i need it.

Whats weird though is even though i feel pretty ok, the ok feeling feels bizzare, like a well now what? Does that make sense to anyone?

this whole thing has been so up and down and all over the place to I am taking today as just today and not really expecting too much out of
any experience. But it does feel nice.

Anyone have that sorta "well what the hell" feeling when they feel better? Like being ok is a bit off haha, i know this sounds ridiculous.


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## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

I can relate. My dissociation has gone down a lot in the past few months, much better than it was last year when I joined.

And yeah, since it went on for so long, I got used to it in some ways, (pretty much have to), so when coming out of it, it feels sorta like coming back from a long vacation....


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## sacredrealm (Mar 8, 2011)

whatthehell said:


> Today has been a pretty solid day. I don't feel anxious or depressed, or really DP or DR. I feel basically normal.
> Its nice, but so strange in a way. Because I remember how fucked up everything was and I am still up and down a little here and there.
> No where near as bad as 8 months ago. I am taking lexapro, which seems to help in general and ativan if i need it.
> 
> ...


Yeah i completely relate. Im wondering if its not being fully better that makes me still not seem right or not. But somtimes I miss the up and down ness as silly as it sounds haha.


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## Guest (Mar 17, 2011)

Yes I can relate. I like what the above poster said about it's like coming back from a long vacation. It feels so normal and I am like "Is this it?", because I've spent years not feeling normal. I don't immediately recognize the sensations of reality minus DP/DR.


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## sacredrealm (Mar 8, 2011)

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Yes I can relate. I like what the above poster said about it's like coming back from a long vacation. It feels so normal and I am like "Is this it?", because I've spent years not feeling normal. I don't immediately recognize the sensations of reality minus DP/DR.


Do you ever feel like you need to return to some sort of anxiety/depression/DP, if it were in a more comfortable way? 
Is it possible to, if you find "reality" worse than what you were going through?


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## Jayden (Feb 9, 2011)

You probably just dont remember what "normal" feels like. I can't wait till I overcome DP


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## whatthehell (Jul 27, 2010)

Thanks for the replies,

I dont think I would want to gain back any depression or anxiety or dp...not sure why one would want that.

The best way to describe how I feel is:

I am here, real, whatever, everythings good enough, but the thought patterns of dp and dr or whatever still exist, 
so its strange to feel ok. Like I can still think dp dr stuff, but its different now. Back in the day I used to freak out at everything, 
not anymore.

I hope this is the last leg. Putting up with this crap is probably the most intense thing I have ever had to do.


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## sacredrealm (Mar 8, 2011)

whatthehell said:


> Thanks for the replies,
> 
> I dont think I would want to gain back any depression or anxiety or dp...not sure why one would want that.
> 
> ...


Yeah I get you there. I think this is what I could be feeling.

I guess, that one thing I liked about the ups and downs with anxiety was doing things to comfort myself. It made me do alot of little things like playing games and stuff. Especially after a panic attack or putting my thoughts in the right direction all of a sudden. It seems without this I just sit haha.


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