# Close to ending it all...



## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

So i have had DP/DR for 10 years nonstop, marijuana induced..

I cant take this anymore.. im 23.. live in my moms basement have no job, losing all my friends, cant get a gf, have no purpose in life. I live in and out of psyche wards for the past 2 years... my life has fallen apart pretty bad. Im also a drug addict and smoke marijuana daily.. its playing with fire i know but its the only thing that relieves the pain.. I notice my brain changing for the worse. My thought process dosent exhist.. so i cant put sentences together well or understand what people are saying or concepts. I guess this goes with the horrible concentration. The only support i have in my life in my mom whose always been there for me. Im spiraling into oblivion. I think about ending my life everyday. I feel like if the oppurtunity arose i wouldd kill myself. Its too complicated too kill myself. if i could just take a pill and endit all i would at this point. I have no reasons for living except for my mom. I have no accomplishments in my life other then battling dp for ten years. I need reasons to not kill myself. I need reasons to live...


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## Angela2006 (Jan 20, 2006)

Optimusrhyme said:


> So i have had DP/DR for 10 years nonstop, marijuana induced..
> 
> I cant take this anymore.. im 23.. live in my moms basement have no job, losing all my friends, cant get a gf, have no purpose in life. I live in and out of psyche wards for the past 2 years... my life has fallen apart pretty bad. Im also a drug addict and smoke marijuana daily.. its playing with fire i know but its the only thing that relieves the pain.. I notice my brain changing for the worse. My thought process dosent exhist.. so i cant put sentences together well or understand what people are saying or concepts. I guess this goes with the horrible concentration. The only support i have in my life in my mom whose always been there for me. Im spiraling into oblivion. I think about ending my life everyday. I feel like if the oppurtunity arose i wouldd kill myself. Its too complicated too kill myself. if i could just take a pill and endit all i would at this point. I have no reasons for living except for my mom. I have no accomplishments in my life other then battling dp for ten years. I need reasons to not kill myself. I need reasons to live...


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## Angela2006 (Jan 20, 2006)

Think what it would do to your Mom.


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## aftershave (Jun 9, 2011)

killing your self is not the answer to this problem. If you really love your mom and she always have been there for you, ur a dick for even thinking about putting her through years of depression!


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Optimusrhyme said:


> So i have had DP/DR for 10 years nonstop, marijuana induced..
> 
> I cant take this anymore.. im 23.. live in my moms basement have no job, losing all my friends, cant get a gf, have no purpose in life. I live in and out of psyche wards for the past 2 years... my life has fallen apart pretty bad. Im also a drug addict and smoke marijuana daily.. its playing with fire i know but its the only thing that relieves the pain.. I notice my brain changing for the worse. My thought process dosent exhist.. so i cant put sentences together well or understand what people are saying or concepts. I guess this goes with the horrible concentration. The only support i have in my life in my mom whose always been there for me. Im spiraling into oblivion. I think about ending my life everyday. I feel like if the oppurtunity arose i wouldd kill myself. Its too complicated too kill myself. if i could just take a pill and endit all i would at this point. I have no reasons for living except for my mom. I have no accomplishments in my life other then battling dp for ten years. I need reasons to not kill myself. I need reasons to live...


All I can say is that none of us know the future, things might be absolute hell now but there is nothing to say things wont be completely different in a year or even a few months time, they say the only certainty in life is change so hang in there. Even if you cant see any way out now try not to trust those thoughts as you don;t know the future.


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

fighting DP for 10 years is hardcore. You're a fucking soldier man. I say stick it out. I know it's fucking terrible, but fuck it, what can you do? Something may shift. Stay alive.


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## tyeakle (Feb 3, 2011)

God loves you! If you want to talk please message me. I would love to try and help you. I was in your situation once. I am here for you if you want help trying to figure this thing out. You can completely change your life starting today.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey man. You are tough as nails for making it as far as you have. I don't blame you for feeling the way you feel.

The thought process thing drives me insane too, more so than anything. It's like a breakdown of all concepts and nothing distinguishes anything from anything else. All definitions and words lose their meaning because words become utterly meaningless sounds with no real essence to them.

The only thing I can say is send your energy out into the universe and wait for a response. Let the universe know what's up with you and tell it you need help. It's true the saying, "the universe responds." We are all part of the universe and were all connected in consciousness and through love.

We live in a crazy world. Mental illness is from imbalance and a lot of us experiencing dp/dr are sensitive to our environments which most environments have a lot of crap in them. Things do change. Consciousness is evolving. Life's a ride. To live is to suffer to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. You've suffered hardcore DP/DR for ten years (the kind with absent thought processes). You are a survivor already. You can give up it's your call or you stick to your survivor instincts, send your energy out into the universe, listen look and seek for a response through silently meditating and find meaning in your suffering. Doing so could not only bring about profound changes in you but cause you to bring profound changes to your society and those around you. You have seen and experienced a unique perspective and a degree of suffering that most people around you can't fathom, not in their wildest nightmares. It's like the movie gladiator. Russell Crowe is the commanding leader of an army only to be captured and thrown in a pit forced to survive as a gladiator. He loses everything, his wife and kids are burned to the stake, he fights for his life until he defeats and breathes his last breathe and ends up freeing Rome in doing so. He suffered too but he didn't give up and in the end his Spirit changed the world around him.

We live in a vast universe. There's no doubt Dp/Dr comes from something. Some kind of imbalance in the earth as a whole. You picked up on it, you got what you got, and life dealt you a shitty hand. The 7 2 off suit. There's no doubt all of the universe is connected with you. Send your energy out there and see if it doesn't respond. Look at shit for what it is. Why do you suffer? What would you change if you could change anything? What would you do if you could do anything? What are you passionate about? Why not go out and volunteer for the elderly. Or just go out and pick up one piece of trash outside where you live per day. See if the universe doesn't respond. You might not notice it but for all you know someone sees what you do and catches on to your Spirit. You let the trees breathe more freely in doing so and the trees are what allow clean air for us and future generations. We are borrowing the earth from our children. Maybe someone notices you picking up trash and asks you what you're doing and they get interested and want to help and it spreads and more people get involved and before you know it you're leading an organization to help clean the earth of toxins and find a decent girl with a good heart who admires your spirit for what you do.

Why not do it if you're going to die anyways? You can swallow the red pill and end shit it's your choice or you can take the blue pill and instead of swallowing it you can say, "fuck the red pill and the blue pill", throw away the pills, stick shit out, allow the change to come, send your energy out into the universe, and find meaning in the suffering.

Trust the universe, you are one with the universe, trust yourself and open yourself up to you and see what happens.

Wishing you all the best bro, you're tough, hang in there, and be still. If nothing else throw some plants on people.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

haha thanks guys i appreaciate the support and advice. its just such a fucked up situation im losing my grips on it.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Optimusrhyme said:


> haha thanks guys i appreaciate the support and advice. its just such a fucked up situation im losing my grips on it.


It is fucked up. Life is fucked up and we as people as a whole are fucked up. It's no wonder conditions like DP/DR exist.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

like is dp suppose to be a progressive thing or is it the beating my brain is taking that is making thuings so hard. i feel llike soon ill be psychotic and in a padded room or dead.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Optimusrhyme said:


> like is dp suppose to be a progressive thing or is it the beating my brain is taking that is making thuings so hard. i feel llike soon ill be psychotic and in a padded room or dead.


My guess is that it's the mind. The anxiety and stress can cause physical problems but the body has an amazing ability to heal itself.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

*Im also a drug addict and smoke marijuana daily.. its playing with fire i know but its the only thing that relieves the pain.. I notice my brain changing for the worse*

Not to be a nag, but &#8230;

The drugs don't agree with you. Get whatever help it takes to break the addition. It will probably feel like hell but you are already there, so what is there too loose?

This is your next step IMO.


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## Guest (Jul 8, 2011)

Get rid of your drugs. Drugs meant to make you feel good and not to blur a terrible emotional condition.

Put down those drugs. DP requires great power to face even if you're sober, let alone stoned.


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## Guest (Jul 8, 2011)

kurnaku said:


> killing your self is not the answer to this problem. If you really love your mom and she always have been there for you, ur a dick for even thinking about putting her through years of depression!


seriously, who the fuck is disliking this comment?

weak people don't like to hear the truth


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

i want to get off the drugs but its soooo hardd. my dp is so intense i need the relief.

off topic

this scene inspired me


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> seriously, who the fuck is disliking this comment?
> 
> weak people don't like to hear the truth


Nobody on here is weak, and nobody on here is strong either. People deal with things in their own way, it's not for you, or for anyone else to judge them.

Everyone is going through their own crap, the OP has had DP for 10 years, and I'm not surprised he's fed up. 
All people on here can do is offer their understanding and empathy, and I haven't seen one person agreeing with his desire to commit suicide.
They are discouraging him. 
He probably feels crap enough already, without having to deal with judgement.

Optomusrhyme
Some practical things you could try
I know how horrible the no thought process thing is, I had that almost the entire time I had DP. I found origami helped me a bit with that, I don't know how or why, it just did. There are loads of vidoes online you can learn from.
Watch these videos!! http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/28154-free-harris-harrington-videos/
Try Mindfulness- http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22Stop taking drugs and take 5htp and vitamins instead
Also, I think psych wards are a bad idea if you have DP

You're only 23, it's not too late to start trying these things out, your life isn't over


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> Nobody on here is weak, and nobody on here is strong either.


haha this is just not true, and you know it.

weak people wants to believe that everybody else is weak, but sorry, it's just the absence of self-honesty.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> haha this is just not true, and you know it.
> 
> weak people wants to believe that everybody else is weak, but sorry, it's just the absence of self-honesty.


What the hell are you talking about?


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> What the hell are you talking about?


you know that.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> you know that.


Um, no I don't..... I mean, i don't understand what you mean, in that I'm not sure that sentence makes sense.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Lowrey said:


> haha this is just not true, and you know it.
> 
> weak people wants to believe that everybody else is weak, but sorry, it's just the absence of self-honesty.


You are talking shit, how do you define a weak person? if you are saying someone is weak just because they are suffering and don't know a way out you obviously don't have a clue.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

Pablo said:


> You are talking shit, how do you define a weak person? if you are saying someone is weak just because they are suffering and don't know a way out you obviously don't have a clue.


pfff... now I know the 2 people who disliked that post







who said that someone is weak just because is suffering? please quote me or apologize.

thank me for provoking an emotion out of you.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> pfff... now I know the 2 people who disliked that post
> 
> 
> 
> ...


1) You are provoking emotions out of people who you don't know, you don't know their history etc

2) There's a name for people who enjoy going round 'provoking emotions' in other people....

3) You're totally creepy. Telling a stranger on here, that they should be thanking you, also a stranger, for provoking an emotion. Who says that to people they don't know? Seriously!

I think you're getting off on this, don't lie to yourself that you're here to help people. You're enjoying getting a reaction out of people.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Lowrey said:


> pfff... now I know the 2 people who disliked that post
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So why are you calling anyone here weak then? obviously Optimusryme is suffering a lot, do you get off on belittling people? apologize







yeah right go fuck yourself

btw I dont bother liking or disliking any posts


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Pablo said:


> So why are you calling anyone here weak then? obviously Optimusryme is suffering a lot, do you get off on belittling people? apologize
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Lowrey, ok clear some stuff up for us.

WHO are you calling 'weak?' This is the big question here

a) People with DP?
b-People who are suicidal, but also have DP?
c) People who negged a comment because it was kind of hostile, even though every other person in the thread was telling him to hold on and not to kill himself?
d) All of the above?


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> I think you're getting off on this, don't lie to yourself that you're here to help people. You're enjoying getting a reaction out of people.


and what you do? someone comes here and says he'll commit suicide, and when somebody tells him to stop doing drugs and don't put his mother into a terrible depression, you dislike the post and DEFEND suicide.

shame on you


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> Lowrey, ok clear some stuff up for us.
> 
> WHO are you calling 'weak?' This is the big question here
> 
> ...


a) no, and you know that, don't act out please
b ) there's no "suicidal" people. Suicidal people are in the cemetery. These are attention-whores. 
c) yes, they don't like to hear the truth. like you and Dreamer don't like to hear the word responsibility.

what you do to some sufferers, is like raising a child without ever saying "NO".

even to say that there's no such thing as weak and strong people is a great denial.



> "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - Albert Einstein


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> I think you're getting off on this, don't lie to yourself that you're here to help people. You're enjoying getting a reaction out of people.


*Lowrey,*
*I know you have a particular loathing for me, however violetgirl hits the nail on the head. I said sometime back, you are here to bait people, to rile them up. I don't see that as helpful at all. You seem to get some kind of pleasure from that.*

*If you wish to go back to indigenous healing, etc., (and I just finished reading "The Horse Boy" about the young autistic child taken to a number of shaman's in Mongolia and Siberia), it is full of unconditional love and acceptance. People always say, if you go on a drug "trip" -- any kind -- it is good to do it with accepting people to support you if you become afraid. All of us are afraid at some time in our lives. Many want to give up.*

And all children should receive unconditional love and acceptance, or it can lead to all sorts of problems.

I found your first post here, asking for help. Would you have preferred no one responded to it or attacked you and told you to "get over it."? I don't think so.

Perhaps you are working out some issues of your own by attacking others here. But why come to a forum where most seek some form of comfort, want information on coping, etc.

Again, I don't know if you can say you try to "walk in anyone else's shoes." EMPATHY. Not sympathy. Look up the definition. I imagine you (and I don't know, so you could prove me wrong) as being someone who would harass a homeless person.

A feeling of worth must have a foundation. Love and support help more than attacks of any kind. Animals comfort each other.

*Violetgirl is 100% correct.*

And Optimus -- for all the years I have had this misery ... and I have wanted to exit, seriously, 3 times. Ready to go down to the last detail.
1. Time has helped me, therapy has helped, meds have helped
2. I wouldn't have wanted to miss all the things in history that I have seen, or missed meeting wonderful people and learning
3. You could also be in a very depressed state ... seriously depressed. When I have been there, I have to seek help. When the feelings pass, I say, "WTH was I thinking about."
4. Simply try to deal with this one day at a time. And if you can find one small piece of joy out of any day ... even if it's doing the laundry. Seriously.

And whoever called Optimus a "d-ck" ... well, that is completely inappropriate and immature ... and all the nasty attacks here ... why? Perhaps it is fear. If someone sees another hasn't "snapped out of this" they might assume this could come back and happen again -- to them.

Lowrey, I didn't mark any of your comments with a negative. I'd like to, but they really don't seem to be helping anyone here, in which case I say, to anyone being hurt to place anyone who is hurting you on "IGNORE" ... it is in your control panel. And Lowrey, you have the ability and the right to put me and anyone else on "IGNORE" as well, if they make you so angry you feel a need to attack.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

I don't need to ignore you. I don't read your long comments.

You couldn't be more wrong. You can feel EMPATHY to anyone, that won't solve nothing. What I do is tell them something may don't like to hear (not for the sake of provoking an emotion).

Dreamer, Violetgirl, what would you say if someone'd tell you that he robbed liquor stores all his lifee and were in jail for years, can't get a job, but still has an intention to commit crimes because he thinks society rejected him and he'll be a criminal forever? You'd show empathy. And the person would be back in jail in weeks. I'd tell him to stop blaming everyone else and make some money that won't make him end up in jail.

Seriously, someone comes here to tell how greatly he is suffering that he wants to die, yet he *can't even take down his fucking DRUGS*? What the kind of hell you want if you aren't even willing to stop drugs? And you defend him. You've already made his problem deeper. He just got a confirmation.

Show empathy to him, to yourself, and stay DPd forever.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

We are all mirrors of each other.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> I don't need to ignore you. I don't read your long comments.
> 
> You couldn't be more wrong. You can feel EMPATHY to anyone, that won't solve nothing. What I do is tell them something may don't like to hear (not for the sake of provoking an emotion).
> 
> ...


That's rubbish. Many people told him not to take drugs


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> I don't need to ignore you. I don't read your long comments.
> 
> You couldn't be more wrong. You can feel EMPATHY to anyone, that won't solve nothing. What I do is tell them something may don't like to hear (not for the sake of provoking an emotion).
> 
> ...


Your analogy is ridiculous. I do not have empathy for those who commit crimes, who hurt other. I have none for you, Lowrey. Yet if I knew that you have a terrible childhood, or were suffering, I could understand and have empathy. You push people away. This is a choice you make. And I can only think you are benefiting from it somehow -- consciously or unconsciously.

I have no empathy for instance for Casey Anthony, the young woman who may have drowned or killed her own child. NONE. I would like to understand why she did it. The family seems terribly dysfunctional. But no, I have no empathy for her.

I have empathy for others who have cancer, as I have now experienced it. I never thought I would. THAT adds another dimension to my life. I also have empathy for others with all forms of brain disorders. And I make mistakes with my statements sometimes that hurt others, and I feel badly about that.

I lived for nearly 28 years (from age 4/5) thinking I was the only person in the world with DP/DR. From @1962 really until 1987. All I needed was someone to empathize with me. Then at 40ish I found this board. Others understood, we shared something in common. And I was less alone.

You seem to want to push everyone away here. And there is a reason for that. What I don't know. You also stated you were going to leave the forum as you were DP free. Why are you still here.

I will now place you on ignore.
Good luck with your life. Is this how you treat people in "real life" or just on the internet. God help you if you have children. Or rather God help them.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> and what you do? someone comes here and says he'll commit suicide, and when somebody tells him to stop doing drugs and don't put his mother into a terrible depression, you dislike the post and DEFEND suicide.
> 
> shame on you


I am totally baffled by this. You take shit too literally and make your own conclusions. II don't mean to sound condescending right, but English is your second language?

NOT ONE PERSON defended his decision to commit suicide. Every one told him to stick it out, hold on etc. I offered practical advice, some people said things might change. And people did tell him to stop taking drugs!

I think people were not liking the 'dick' comment.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

Dreamer* said:


> Your analogy is ridiculous. I do not have empathy for those who commit crimes, who hurt other. I have none for you, Lowrey. Yet if I knew that you have a terrible childhood, or were suffering, I could understand and have empathy. You push people away. This is a choice you make. And I can only think you are benefiting from it somehow -- consciously or unconsciously.


thanks but I don't need a psychiatrist.

you obviously didn't understand my post. and that's okay, knowing your theories.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

....... dp


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

Dreamer* said:


> I lived for nearly 28 years (from age 4/5) thinking I was the only person in the world with DP/DR. From @1962 really until 1987. All I needed was someone to empathize with me. Then at 40ish I found this board. Others understood, we shared something in common. And I was less alone.


less alone, still DP'd. not saying his to hurt you, but it's the truth. so I still see no proof that "empathy" will make any progress in one's condition. of course it feels good when people are trying to understand you.

but DP is NOT cancer, NOT diabetes and NOT a broken leg. regardless of your scientific tests, at least there's a good chance that DP has a lot to do with ones way of thinking and emotions.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> a) no, and you know that, don't act out please
> b ) there's no "suicidal" people. Suicidal people are in the cemetery. These are attention-whores.
> c) yes, they don't like to hear the truth. like you and Dreamer don't like to hear the word responsibility.
> 
> ...


Lol don't act out? How is that even relevant.....?

Ok so. Now, anyone who comes on here, at the end of their tether and just wants to vent, is now an 'attention whore'. 
You're the one who likes stirring up shit on here and getting a reaction out of people, so..... do I need to say it?

I don't have DP any more, I have told you numeous times. And yet I don't believe in many things you do! So how can that be possible?

Ok, so you had DP, right? How would you have responded, if you were at the worst of it, and someone was telling you, you were weak etc. Would that have helped you?


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Speaking the truth and tough love is all good, but you have to communicate in a way which is not going to be completely rejected for it to help so that means no judgement, if someone called me a weak person even if they had the best intentions I probably wouldn't listen to a word they ever said ever again no matter how helpful it might be, plus I would be tempted to punch them in the face.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

Pablo said:


> Speaking the truth and tough love is all good, but you have to communicate in a way which is not going to be completely rejected for it to help so that means no judgement, if someone called me a weak person even if they had the best intentions I probably wouldn't listen to a word they ever said ever again no matter how helpful it might be, plus I would be tempted to punch them in the face.


you can punch someone in the face by decision, and you can do that by anger. if you do that by anger, you should think about why that person was able to make you lose it. if you think about that, that can be beneficial.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> Ok, so you had DP, right? How would you have responded, if you were at the worst of it, and someone was telling you, you were weak etc. Would that have helped you?












You can read my thread at the worst times titled "Absolutely tired of this". There's no talk about suicide there baby.

here's a quote



> But I feel like a scared weak retarded idiot and I know it's not normal.


That's what you call brutal self-honesty.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> you can punch someone in the face by decision, and you can do that by anger. if you do that by anger, you should think about why that person was able to make you lose it. if you think about that, that can be beneficial.


No no no, it doesn't work like that at all. You're not a psychologist Lowrey, you cannot be trying to provoke abuse/ emotions in people, seriously. Is this what you're trying to do?

People on here will work out their issues in their own time, without your help.

There are YOUR issues here.

I get that you are angry with DP=abuse. Trust me, i know that anger.

But you cannot be goading people into being angry with their personal issues. You cannot do this to total strangers, and then tell them to 'thank you'. It's creepy and intrusive.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> You can read my thread at the worst times titled "Absolutely tired of this". There's no talk about suicide there baby.
> 
> here's a quote
> 
> That's what you call brutal self-honesty.


There's a difference between feeling weak, and being weak.

Also, your feelings of being weak, are YOUR issues. Nobody else's.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> No no no, it doesn't work like that at all. You're not a psychologist Lowrey, you cannot be trying to provoke abuse/ emotions in people, seriously. Is this what you're trying to do?
> 
> People on here will work out their issues in their own time, without your help.
> 
> ...


?????????????? you intentionally misread posts to keep trying to prove that I'm this or that. that was an analogy.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> There's a difference between feeling weak, and being weak.
> 
> Also, your feelings of being weak, are YOUR issues. Nobody else's.












a desperate effort to ride a dead horse.

you should learn some self-honesty. it doesn't hurt to say "Lowrey I still don't agree with you but now I see that you're real to yourself at least".


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> ?????????????? you intentionally misread posts to keep trying to prove that I'm this or that. that was an analogy.


No i'm not.

I can see what you're trying to do here, and it's just not cool. You told Pablo to 'thank you' for provoking a reaction in him. Explain that. What do you mean?


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> a desperate effort to ride a dead horse.
> 
> you should learn some self-honesty. it doesn't hurt to say "Lowrey I still don't agree with you but now I see that you're real to yourself at least".


I don't give a toss about how you are to yourself, or if you're 'real to yourself'. I don't know you well enough, to give a shit.

What I do care about, is the way you are behaving torwards people on here, and the words you use.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> No i'm not.
> 
> I can see what you're trying to do here, and it's just not cool. You told Pablo to 'thank you' for provoking a reaction in him. Explain that. What do you mean?


That was a joke, DP is a condition when people feel kind of emotion-less or something like that. And my post obviously provoked some anger. But not because that was my intention.

I don't say anything to provoke anger, I just don't mind.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> I don't give a toss about how you are to yourself, or if you're 'real to yourself'. I don't know you well enough, to give a shit.
> 
> What I do care about, is the way you are behaving torwards people on here, and the words you use.


what words? like "fuck yourself" by Pablo? or "give a shit"?


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> That was a joke, DP is a condition when people feel kind of emotion-less or something like that. And my post obviously provoked some anger. But not because that was my intention.


I don't believe you, sorry. 
All you've done on here is provoke people and try to get reactions out of them.

Listen, I don't have DP any more either, and I understand the fear and anger you get after it, and also the fear it's going to come back, and the mindset you have to adapt to pull through. 
I had your 'hard-ass' mentality for a while, I had to, to get better.
But
Evereyone recovers at a different pace. And you cannot apply YOUR mentality to other people.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> what words? like "fuck yourself" by Pablo? or "give a shit"?


You know what I mean, don't do that lol


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> I don't believe you, sorry.
> All you've done on here is provoke people and try to get reactions out of them.


why do you ask something if you don't believe the answer?







you already declared that I'm here to provoke people, so why bother asking?



> I had your 'hard-ass' mentality for a while, I had to, to get better.


you never had my mentality, sorry.



> And you cannot apply YOUR mentality to other people.


but you can apply yours right? now, I'm goint to the club they're already waiting for me.

Wish everyone a healthy emotional future and much success.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Lowrey said:


> you can punch someone in the face by decision, and you can do that by anger. if you do that by anger, you should think about why that person was able to make you lose it. if you think about that, that can be beneficial.


Well if you say that someone is a "weak person" rather than something like "you are acting weak" then you are trying to completely define who they are by just one part of their character, so it is a form of attempted dominance and a belittling of them as a person ,which is a common tactic of bullying to completely define a person by one negative characteristic they have. So I can look inside and get insight into how that insult affects me but I still have a right to defend myself from it as it is an attack.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> why do you ask something if you don't believe the answer?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah I did. I had to 'harden up' as you are now, because I was terrified the DP would come back, and I had a lot of anger, mainly towards myself. I went through believing I was weak, and all sorts.

And you got to be sensitive to the fact, that there are people on here with abuse/ emotional issues.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

Pablo said:


> Well if you say that someone is a "weak person" rather than something like "you are acting weak" then you are trying to completely define who they are by just one part of their character, so it is a form of attempted dominance and a belittling of them as a person ,which is a common tactic of bullying to completely define a person by one negative characteristic they have. So I can look inside and get insight into how that insult affects me but I still have a right to defend myself from it as it is an attack.


so if I'd wrote "you're acting weak" instead of "weak people" you would'nt have had the same reaction, right?







come on.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Pablo said:


> Well if you say that someone is a "weak person" rather than something like "you are acting weak" then you are trying to completely define who they are by just one part of their character, so it is a form of attempted dominance and a belittling of them as a person ,which is a common tactic of bullying to completely define a person by one negative characteristic they have. So I can look inside and get insight into how that insult affects me but I still have a right to defend myself from it as it is an attack.


Seriously, Pablo. Don't. You don't have to justify yourself.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> Hi everybody,
> 
> I'm 24 year old male, I want to tell you my story. This is not a success story yet so if you're looking for that please go on.
> 
> ...


I have Lowrey on ignore, but Lowrey, this is what you originally posted re: your situation. You said, "Please help." I wanted to post this for the record in case you decided to delete it.

Just for the record, there are many who live their entire lives with DP/DR and tell no one. That does not mean they are not living in Hell. Some have posted on the board here, I've received emails on my site from such people. There are also man famous people with schizoprhenia, bipolar, OCD and other brain disorders who "keep it secret" for fear of losing their jobs. There is stigma and discrimination. Many here don't seek help as they are afraid anyone will call them "crazy."

Re: quality of work -- I have always been seen as an exceptional worker, I have been recognized as an A student. When I chose to "come out of the closet" no one pulled away from me -- many said, "THAT IS MY STORY, NOW I AM NOT AFRAID." When I have had incredibly bad times I have had to switch jobs. But I guarantee you more people here have accomplished MANY positive things in their lives despite fighting all of this.

You say "I feel like a scared weak retarded idiot." THAT IS YOU SAYING THAT ABOUT YOURSELF, so it would seem you need to say it about others here. I'm not sure where that all came from. You also say in another post that you banned yourself? from at least one forum because people didn't like your views. What type of forum? You know people then dislike what you have to say, yet you continue to do this. I have no clue what's going on with you.

Bottom line, I wanted to keep this first post, in the event you deleted it.
You're still on ignore, so you don't have to respond, I won't see it.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

Poor Dreamer is so scared of my opinion that she needs to ignore me. Now that's something to think about. I'm not scared of others opinion.

yet I still know you'll read this, the other forum was Anxietyzone.com, you can find it easily.

I just posted a quote from the same thread. It proves that I was AWARE of my weakness, and was not denying it.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey, I think you need to face up to your own issues here.

In your first post that Dreamer has brought up, you have in big letters, that you need help.
Just imagine, in that terrified, fragile state that somoene spoke to you, as you speak to people on here.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> Poor Dreamer is so scared of my opinion that she needs to ignore me. Now that's something to think about. I'm not scared of others opinion.
> 
> yet I still know you'll read this, the other forum was Anxietyzone.com, you can find it easily.


Obviously, stuff you're saying is upsetting her, and she has a right not to view your posts.

Why do you write as if you're getting off on this stuff? It gives me the creeps tbh.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> Obviously, stuff you're saying is upsetting her, and she has a right not to view your posts.
> 
> Why do you write as if you're getting off on this stuff? It gives me the creeps tbh.


but she's still talking to me. he responds to me everytime, like you, just can't repress the temptation. she responds to me while ignoring my posts.









I disagree with her, you and a few others, yet I'm not scared to read these posts. she is.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Lowrey said:


> so if I'd wrote "you're acting weak" instead of "weak people" you would'nt have had the same reaction, right?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


If it had been directed at me personally yes I would have been far more able to reflect on whether my behaviour was weak or not, rather than get so defensive that you were attacking me as a person. One of the main causes of low self esteem in children is because parents define their child by one aspect or behaviour they don't like, so instead of saying something like "what you did was stupid" they say "you are stupid", can you not see the huge difference in that different approach?


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> that's what you'd want to be true.


No, I'd never wish problems on anyone.

But seriously, there is something going on here, this pathological need to prove something.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

Pablo said:


> If it had been directed at me personally yes I would have been far more able to reflect on whether my behaviour was weak or not, rather than get so defensive that you were attacking me as a person. One of the main causes of low self esteem in children is because parents define their child by one aspect or behaviour they don't like, so instead of saying something like "what you did was stupid" they say "you are stupid", can you not see the huge difference in that different approach?


all I see is negativity flowing towards me, and all I did was defending a poster who told the OP to think again before committing suicide.

and yes, I think people who throw around the word suicide are *weak*.

If you want to commit suicide, go out, do that, and don't post. If you want help, ask for help.

Dreamer and violetgirl are now trying to blur it somehow that my thread titled "I'm absolutely tired of this" contains the same qualities as this one, when it's ridiculous. Dreamer is even scared to read my response.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> that's what you'd want to be true.
> 
> but she's still talking to me. he responds to me everytime, like you, *just can't repress the temptation*. she responds to me while ignoring my posts.
> 
> ...


And this proves my point, about how creepy you are.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> No, I'd never wish problems on anyone.
> 
> But seriously, there is something going on here, this pathological need to prove something.


It's an inspiration to open some eyes and help people, because after recovered from "DP", I now see how harmful can all those negativity and weakness some of you are talking here to people who're in such a terrible and confused emotional state like this.

I know that I could get better sooner if I don't read such bullshit that's going around here sometimes. Like when members scare sufferers of "going crazy" and "becoming schizo", and "brain chemicals", instead of talking about the real thing - looking into yourself.

That's an opinion some of you don't like but as long as I see people who feel encouraged by it, I will post it. However, I may leave this board too if I experience too much negativity. I don't like negativity.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> all I see is negativity flowing towards me, and all I did was defending a poster who told the OP to think again before committing suicide.
> 
> and yes, I think people who throw around the word suicide are *weak*.
> 
> ...


Why is that any of your business?

Maybe someone is impulsive. had a really bad day, can't talk to their friends about what's going on with them, and just post it on here.
Maybe it's a cry for help, to see if someone cares? Or they feel alone? Who knows?

But why judge them for being human, and needing some reassurance that things are gonna be ok?
And why do you care so much?


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> And this proves my point, about how creepy you are.


if I'd wrote something totally different, you'd still feel like I've proven your point.


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## Guest (Jul 9, 2011)

violetgirl said:


> Why is that any of your business?
> 
> Maybe someone is impulsive. had a really bad day, can't talk to their friends about what's going on with them, and just post it on here.
> Maybe it's a cry for help, to see if someone cares? Or they feel alone? Who knows?
> ...


do you even read my posts?







who judges? I just told you I'm here to help people, and defend them from opinions that can be harmful for them.

*And why do you care so much?*

aha so the problem now is that I care, right?









violetgirl, you're afraid of what I say, admit it. I touch something sensitive inside you. that's good, just be open.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> It's an inspiration to open some eyes and help people, because after recovered from "DP", I now see how harmful can all those negativity and weakness some of you are talking here to people who're in such a terrible and confused emotional state like this.
> 
> I know that I could get better sooner if I don't read such bullshit that's going around here sometimes. Like when members scare sufferers of "going crazy" and "becoming schizo", and "brain chemicals", instead of talking about the real thing - looking into yourself.
> 
> ...


Who does? You're not the only one.

Like I have said so many times, I agree with a lot of your views about DP and why it happens etc. And what it is not. I will always back you up on that.

It's the way you speak to people I, and many people here don't like. Plus the way you throw about words like 'weak' like it don't matter.

I agree, that this forum is not ideal, and it's unfortunate that there is not much known about DP so people just have to do their own thing.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Lowrey said:


> do you even read my posts?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


ewwwww! you are creepy!


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## gill (Jul 1, 2010)

Yeah, and anyways,

To Optimus,

It's probably all the weed that's making you so depressed. I remember back when I was 18-19, I smoked a shitload of weed. It eventually put me in such a terrible depression. So I took an anti-depressant for 5 months and was back to feeling normal. When worse comes to worst .., not a bad idea to see a doctor and consider a med that could help.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

thanks everyone for the advice and wisdom..fuck you haters! im fuckin strugglin here.... ready to die ... i toldmy mom today you are the only reason im not killing myself. life is so cruel.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Anyone who is tortured and left in a chamber with a single shot pistol after having their eyeballs gouged out, teeth ripped out of their mouth with pliers, and skin melted off, will use the pistol to end their life. Suicide isn't a matter of strength vs. weakness. It's what happens when the degree of suffering a person experiences outweighs hope and foreseeable change.


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## Pablo (Sep 1, 2005)

Optimusrhyme said:


> thanks everyone for the advice and wisdom..fuck you haters! im fuckin strugglin here.... ready to die ... i toldmy mom today you are the only reason im not killing myself. life is so cruel.


Ok but if you want there to be a possibility for change you need to get off the weed, because while you are smoking you are not dealing with all the emotions and stuff going on in your life properly, the weed blocks it all out but it doesn't go away it just builds up and gets worse the longer it goes on, then when you stop smoking you will have loads of crazy dreams as your mind is trying to process the backlog and maybe a bit of a depression afterwards, but then things level out quite quickly because weed isn't body addictive. Just test it out and stop smoking for a few days and I bet you have some of craziest messed up dreams of your life.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Optimusrhyme said:


> thanks everyone for the advice and wisdom..fuck you haters! im fuckin strugglin here.... ready to die ... i toldmy mom today you are the only reason im not killing myself. life is so cruel.


*i want to get off the drugs but its soooo hardd. my dp is so intense i need the relief.*

That is why it is called addiction.

It is important to get help from all sources. Ignore the 'weak' label being pushed around. It isn't weak to grab a hand to get pulled out of quicksand. Neither is it weak to get help for addictions.

You know your mom cares. Please be assured that there are people on this forum who care about you, not just their opinions.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

Visual said:


> *i want to get off the drugs but its soooo hardd. my dp is so intense i need the relief.*
> 
> That is why it is called addiction.
> 
> ...


ive been to rehab for 6 months.. i take therapy courses and still no luck getting off the weed. My dp is just too intense and my brain is just so beat up from the last 10 years. I feel like i need the release. you know what i meen? Its not like i want to be a druggie ... i feel like i need to be to survive because if i wasnt i would for sure be dead right now..


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## baking_pineapple (Apr 27, 2011)

Optimusrhyme said:


> ive been to rehab for 6 months.. i take therapy courses and still no luck getting off the weed. My dp is just too intense and my brain is just so beat up from the last 10 years. I feel like i need the release. you know what i meen? Its not like i want to be a druggie ... i feel like i need to be to survive because if i wasnt i would for sure be dead right now..


A lot of people smoke weed, I don't think it's that big of a deal by itself. It's the social and emotional isolation that's killing you. People will be your friend if you smoke them out and manage not to geek out on them when you're high. Maybe you could make it your "thing", your identity and put up some Rastafarian stuff, invest in some nice pieces, and network with people who share that identity. Or, you could go to rehab/group therapy without the intention of quitting weed and just share your experiences and try to meet people who can relate. Maybe you'll find a girl that's as scared, lonely, and fucked-up as you are and she'll want to be with you. Sometimes that idea gives me hope.

But the plain fact of the matter about weed is that you're not going to stop if you don't have anything else to turn to. Don't beat yourself up about it, guilt and shame are two of the most debilitating emotions out there. Try to focus on creating a life for yourself where you won't need it anymore. Look around for a good therapist; don't settle on one just because you told them all your shit. Find one who really understands you, is willing to challenge you to be a better person, and wants to do everything in their power to help. Be selective. Be smart. I think you'll be fine, just look at how weird/removed other, so-called "normal" people are and ask yourself "if they can do it, why the fuck can't I?" Oh yeah and fuck suicide, there's always hope... you just got to be creative









Love

BP


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Optimusrhyme said:


> ive been to rehab for 6 months.. i take therapy courses and still no luck getting off the weed. My dp is just too intense and my brain is just so beat up from the last 10 years. I feel like i need the release. you know what i meen? Its not like i want to be a druggie ... i feel like i need to be to survive because if i wasnt i would for sure be dead right now..


Why not try meditation instead? I found Mindfulness helps me a lot.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Optimusrhyme: You are one of the coolest dudes I have ever come across IRL or online, that will never change. Im sorry I have been shit at keeping in touch with you and everyone else.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

violet girl i used to meditate i may try it again thanks for the reminder. Chris its been too long brotha, i miss your humor, your a great dude tooo!


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

Optimusrhyme said:


> ive been to rehab for 6 months.. i take therapy courses and still no luck getting off the weed. My dp is just too intense and my brain is just so beat up from the last 10 years. I feel like i need the release. you know what i meen? Its not like i want to be a druggie ... i feel like i need to be to survive because if i wasnt i would for sure be dead right now..


Find a way that it is impossible for you to have weed (cut off the supply).

Perhaps a detox center, then you can have support during withdrawals. What was the rehab you been to? (it doesn't sound effective)

Unless the weed isn't available, don't know how you could quit.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Usually if you've paid up front rehab's will take you back in after a relapse if it's within the first 6 months. Personally what I would do is cut back slowly instead of quitting cold turkey (I don't know if you quit cold turkey or not). Quitting something you're dependent on that helps you mentally will inevitably make things worse. It can be a major shock to the system. Add mental troubles on top of that and it makes quitting damn near impossible. The best way to go about quitting I've found is to cut back bit by bit. It's less of a shock to the system and allows your body to get use to the adjustment.

It's like when you buy a goldfish it comes in a bag with water and you're suppose to put the goldfish that's inside the bag with water in your tank for a few hours before letting him out fully into the tank so that he can acclimate to the change in water temps. Letting him out too early can shock his system from the change in water temps and kill him but if the cold water in the tank slowly changes the warmer water inside the bag then he will be fine. The same can go for quitting drugs/alcohol and anything in life really.


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

Optimusrhyme said:


> violet girl i used to meditate i may try it again thanks for the reminder. Chris its been too long brotha, i miss your humor, your a great dude tooo!


No worries. Mindfulness helped me a lot in my recovery.

Just be gentle with your brain. Weed and DP is not a good idea. 
Don't let your mind stagnate either. Try doing puzzles, sudoku, logic questions daily, excercise your brain. Do you have any hobbies?
10 years is a long time to have DP, and you get into bad habits.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

Thanks everyone for your support. right now i dont know what im going to do. I love my mom so much but i cant take this anymore. DP has gotten the best of me...


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## Walkingzombie (Jul 7, 2011)

I can completely sympathize with your lack of thought process. My mom is the only reason I'm still alive right now too. I can't live this way for the rest of my life man. I just can't do it.


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