# Deep feeling of terror



## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

I will often have such dark dreams. It is in these dreams that I experience this very dark feeling. Beneath my DP state there seems to be this intense fear and anguish. It's like there are parts of me trapped a type of psychological hell.

I want to experience this fear in full so that I can process it but it's so horrible to experience that it's overwhelming.


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## Surreal_Life (Sep 2, 2010)

I have that too. It's complicated because I want my real feelings back, but on the other had I don't know if I could handle feeling that terrified. DP can be better than totally losing control, I guess. I feel like before I got DP the terror was there but it was more "integrated" into my personality so I could cope with it. Then my "personality" sort of shattered and DP is like the oblivion that keeps me from facing up to that.


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## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

Surreal_Life said:


> I have that too. It's complicated because I want my real feelings back, but on the other had I don't know if I could handle feeling that terrified. DP can be better than totally losing control, I guess. I feel like before I got DP the terror was there but it was more "integrated" into my personality so I could cope with it. Then my "personality" sort of shattered and DP is like the oblivion that keeps me from facing up to that.


I think that sums up a large part of my DP.


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

Surreal_Life said:


> I have that too. It's complicated because I want my real feelings back, but on the other had I don't know if I could handle feeling that terrified. DP can be better than totally losing control, I guess. I feel like before I got DP the terror was there but it was more "integrated" into my personality so I could cope with it. Then my "personality" sort of shattered and DP is like the oblivion that keeps me from facing up to that.


Thanks for your post, it very much reminds me of my own experience.


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## Surreal_Life (Sep 2, 2010)

I am sorry you guys are having the same experience, but at the same time I am glad I'm not alone. : /
I have had DP for a little over a year. Recently there have been a few times where I felt more in touch with my old self, my old emotions. I was shaking in terror, unable to sleep, suicidal, wondering if I was going to black out and start doing crazy things. If only I could rebuild my personality, with all my old, healthy, non-DP defense mechanisms. I wonder if that's possible.


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