# Circle



## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I feel so psychotic. I have the same day every day nowadays, the same dp, same thoughts, same feeling of being broken.

Every day when I walk to pick up my son from kindergarden, I look at the sky and think: It looks different. The clouds are different. I wonder if anyone has noticed. The colors are different. The world is going to end. I bet the rapture of the Apocalypse is aliens coming to save some of us. Probably not me. Nothing special ever happens to me. If they came, I'd freak out and die from fear anyway. If they don't look like us. Maybe they are hot. Like avatars. I wouldn't get any attention anyway. They probably don't have makeup on other planets. I look like shit without makeup. Did I really use to live on this street? That house.. I remember sitting in the kitchen. How on earth did I manage to feel normal then? I had a life. Right here. I had a family. There's the ducks again. *click* Shit why do I take photos of ducks all the time, I should really bond more with people. I have no friends. I'm so weird. I've always been so odd. Oddball. If you're creative and intelligent you're doomed. I haven't even made any great art, I'm crazy for nothing. Oh no, not the other parents.. They all have jobs. Try and smile, hello, look normal. They can smell I'm weird. Like the dogs on Dog whisperer. It's all energy. I'm a nervous traumatized dog. Ok, try and get in and out fast. Don't forget kid.

So, how is your day then?


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## Guest (Feb 23, 2012)




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## Guest (Feb 23, 2012)

York said:


> I feel so psychotic. I have the same day every day nowadays, the same dp, same thoughts, same feeling of being broken.
> 
> Every day when I walk to pick up my son from kindergarden, I look at the sky and think: It looks different. The clouds are different. I wonder if anyone has noticed. The colors are different. The world is going to end. I bet the rapture of the Apocalypse is aliens coming to save some of us. Probably not me. Nothing special ever happens to me. If they came, I'd freak out and die from fear anyway. If they don't look like us. Maybe they are hot. Like avatars. I wouldn't get any attention anyway. They probably don't have makeup on other planets. I look like shit without makeup. Did I really use to live on this street? That house.. I remember sitting in the kitchen. How on earth did I manage to feel normal then? I had a life. Right here. I had a family. There's the ducks again. *click* Shit why do I take photos of ducks all the time, I should really bond more with people. I have no friends. I'm so weird. I've always been so odd. Oddball. If you're creative and intelligent you're doomed. I haven't even made any great art, I'm crazy for nothing. Oh no, not the other parents.. They all have jobs. Try and smile, hello, look normal. They can smell I'm weird. Like the dogs on Dog whisperer. It's all energy. I'm a nervous traumatized dog. Ok, try and get in and out fast. Don't forget kid.
> 
> So, how is your day then?


Yes, I feel like I am on a constant loop. Like someone hit the repeat button and forgot to turn it off. The same song is playing over and over again. I see myself getting older but my mind is stuck on the same Chanel. I too find it hard to interact with others because I am off with this and I believe they can sense it. It's like I've now become socially handicapped.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

The duck pond I walk by every day.. Turned out sort of funny, looks like the birds are flying across on a disc, the water was so clear.










... And another one.. It made me think of other realities, if you turn it upside down it looks almost the same but not quite..
Very clear water, summer 2011










The way it looks to me on a bad day










A pigeon


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## Guest (Feb 24, 2012)

nice pictures of birds









lol.. i can so relate to your thought process...and strangeness

and hmmm maybe angels or some aliens.. can change form .. so they wouldnt need make-up









i doubt aliens will come anytime soon lol.. that would make people go crazy from shock..


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Thanks, good to know someone relates









I'm having so many weird experiences, I've been wondering if I should have alien abduction regression hypnosis.. Just thinking about making that call makes me feel pretty crazy. I think my subconscious feels better by thinking I could blame dp on aliens.


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## Guest (Feb 24, 2012)

York said:


> Thanks, good to know someone relates
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hmmm, if i were in your situation i'd probably be tempted to get regression also. But maybe some things are meant to be forgotten.. There's a woman named Dolores Cannon who regressed people who have experienced abductions. There's a long waiting list for her tho. She claims that just about ALL the cases of the abductions were because the person on some deeper level agreed to have been taken. Why not try to read on some people's stories instead of get the regression.. that way you don't have to re-live it. Dolores says that most the people being regressed started to scream or cry during the experience but then after a few moments when they realized there were no bad intentions and that they agreed upon it the fear ceased.. and they were calm and understanding.

Unless its happening to you often i wouldnt recommend regression.. just because we are already in such a fragile states mentally and emotionally.

Id suggest to just work on grounding and focus on earthly things.. if you're not 100% sure you got the dp from what you saw/experienced then you'll never know... and so.. just focus on a more grounded reason as to why u have your dp..


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I think you are right, I really couldn't take finding out right now. It's just that it happens relatively often now it seems, so I'm scared at night because I sleep alone. I guess I couldn't do much about it anyway, and if I could I've probably done it already and don't remember







I've heard people say they have to agree to be taken, but many are taken from childhood, so.. What do you do as a child?
Thank you for your insights


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## Guest (Feb 24, 2012)

York said:


> I think you are right, I really couldn't take finding out right now. It's just that it happens relatively often now it seems, so I'm scared at night because I sleep alone. I guess I couldn't do much about it anyway, and if I could I've probably done it already and don't remember
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no prob!









well maybe on a deep spirit level those souls (children or adults) said yes to be taken. Maybe even before incarnating.. hmm not sure.. but thats what im leaning towards. They make scary movies' like fire in the sky' about that man who was experimented on terribly by Ets only because people fear the unknown. But truly ive heard many stories and from 3 people i know personally who say they weren't harmed at all. It was as if they were checking up on them or helping them.

:/ thats awful if its happening often.. and i can imagine with ur dp thinking that something might be harming you.. but theres plenty of us who have dp by other means.. and in my case ive had it my whole life.. so.. its not necessarily that they are causing your dp. Are you well otherwise physically?

i think dp and psychosis go along with having a very heightened state of consciousness (due to human vibration) or fragmented consciousness (due to sensitivity/ brain defense reaction).. so all you can do really is work on grounding yourself.. and turn your focus away from what may or may not be happening to u at night. If you arent being harmed otherwise maybe this is all a good thing.. and just try to turn it into positive althought i know its really torturous at times..:/ it has to pass eventually.. or get somewhat better. Even people who have dp for a long time adapt quite a bit.. like myself.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I think I got dp from being drained for minerals and vitamins after the pregnancy, and also I've always been nervous and sensitive. I was scared of dp so when I felt a little bad I started to panic, guess that's the real truth. I'm a sensitive person, I can't take much stress, physical or mentally.

I'm much better from the dp now, it's totally livable most of the time. Taking care of my body and being kind to myself has really helped, I've ignored my needs for so long (for ever).

It's just that I'm always scared of the alien thing, I feel I could move on if I could forget.

I wake up bleeding (down there) and with bruises inside of my knees, always in the same spot, almost same date like every third month or so.I also wake up with light flooding my bedroom and I just lie there like I don't care, but in the morning I see the marks on me and I just can't believe this is happening. Like I believe, but then my rational side don't believe.
I've always said from childhood I'm from "somewhere else", that I was "someone" and then I came here. I wonder if you are right and it's more to it than aliens visiting humans. Blah. I wish I knew..









Thanks ellatree, feels good to talk about it


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## Guest (Feb 25, 2012)

yep.. i think your dp/like mine.. is prob from sensitivity... vitamins have helped me a ton. B-complex (liquid), inositol (powder), and NAC.. they help with my mood, ocd and also depression. I dunno about dp... mine is always there.. doesnt frighten me really. Im use to the feeling of no-self.. sometimes i feel like it just makes me a deeper person.lol i dunno..

hmmm wow, thats freaky about the symptoms you get.. well, lights in the room i have heard about Et stories.. and my bf even had that happen to him. But he said the light was soothing.. and didnt scare him.

That is very odd that you wake up like that.. tho it could be ET stuff.. it also reminds me of stigmata a bit. i saw a documentary on how those people induce the bleeding on their hands and feet from their belief.. not saying it isnt something supernatural.. but they showed how parts of the brain would make those areas bleed. I also a documentary on a girl in India who would bleed from her eyes (tears of blood). they said it was a rare condition.. so anything is possible.. maybe go to the doc next time it happens and see what they say. Maybe its a hormonal imbalance and lack of iron.. which causes bruises.

I know its hard being in both worlds.. but i think being so sensitive.. and intuitive.. we tend to go to far into the imagination and believe things and make them very real also.. so.. lately i force myself to just not 'believe' so much and be happy with simple things i can make sense of.. and wanting to be here.. on earth

lol thats cute. Well.. we are prob all from somewhere else.. but obsessing over finding out, remembering, or wanting to go back is only gunna make us more depressed... we're here for a reason







and life is truly short.. and everyday we need to just make the best of what we got. There's a wave of 'spiritual' ideas now i guess people are more open to info about Et's, other planets/dimensions.. worlds.. etc.. i think its all interesting.. but if its just gunna push us deeper into the mind and further away from living.. then maybe its unnecessary.

i do think there's something going on tho.. like a mass awakening.. i cannot deny it.


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## Guest (Feb 25, 2012)

.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I have thought about the stigmata thing. Triangles are so symbolic, maybe some spiritual part of me created it. I have a totem animal come to me too, which is very much of this world, and it calms me down. I hold on to the animals to keep me grounded and feeling safe, though that may seem just as new age-y and crazy to other people as ufos..








I'm starting finally to come to terms with there being a very spiritual part of me, I've always been into science and very logically oriented. You are right in everything you point out though, it is important to find a balance. Life is short. 
I do however want to explore all of me, that seems part of my mission here, to learn to use my connection to the spiritual world, and then hopefully be of some service to others. 
One things for sure, I'm sick of aliens, ufos, all of that. I'm really tired of being scared every single day and night, of them coming.
Feels like being a child again.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

Ok, lol, just to clarify, I meant _animals_ are of this world, totem animals are of course something else, but at least they're not aliens!


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## Guest (Feb 27, 2012)

thats really cool!







whats the totem animal? ive seen a lot of horses in my visions and im pretty obsessed with them









sounds like you are truly finding a balance and acceptance.. that is wonderful! and that you want to be of service with your spiritual gifts.. is truly exciting.. we all come with our own unique gifts and way of seeing things.. there just so much to offer others alone from our unique outlook. I feel like you can help many people with that attitude.. congrats <3

uugh i can imagine how u are at night.. i was afraid of the dark for years.. and also experience seeing a lot of stuff at night and hearing things lol but the past years i worked on facing my fears. I sat and meditated in the living room (darkest part of my house alone for hours) that helped me so much overcome my fear. Do u sleep with a small light on.. or maybe try listening to some soft meditative music.. .. herbal sleep teas?? also.. if you have irregular sleep cycles.. they can cause you to hallucinate or experience strange things. Maybe try to work on sleeping early?

ooh and wanted to ask you if you had an etsy site.. since your pic is from etsy hehe.. i just got a shop up there.. so happy im working from home selling my art and creations







and funny you mention totem animals.. im opening another shop up there having to do with totem guide stuff..







mostly art


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## Guest (Feb 27, 2012)

York said:


> Ok, lol, just to clarify, I meant _animals_ are of this world, totem animals are of course something else, but at least they're not aliens!


haha.. that would be a funny mix.. an alien in the totem..


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

I live on Etsy! lol... I've decided not to buy anything in shops if I can find it on Etsy. Love to see how many great things people make, always so much cooler than the mass produced stuff! I don't have a shop, I've thought about it but the taxes in Norway would ruin me. 
What's your shop? I'll add you or something. I think my username is oslowolf, but I always only see my name.

Ok, so totem "My" totem is a cougar, which I never expected. I haven't really thought about totems at all, it's a bit far from my upbringing. One night I was bored, and I'd had a lot of my psychic dreams, so I thought, maybe I could try and see if I could consciously use it. I came across a site online about how to contact totem animals, and it sounded harmless and cute, so I sort of half heartedly tried and then feel asleep. I dreamt about this huge, light brown animal standing in my room. I ran for it in the dream, called the cops, just freaked out. I heard the word "puma", over and over. Every time I was in another room in the dream, this silent, majestic, really big animal was there looking at me. So, waking up I thought, well, I'm not psychic, everyone knows pumas are black.. lol.
I googled it and as _you_ probably know, it looked like in my dream.
What freaked me out a bit was, I never knew cougars were a common totem, I've only heard of wolves and eagles. 
I coincidentally got an invite in my mail for a huge gathering with all sorts of new age stuff that day. One of the hundreds of speakers was a native american talking about totem animals. I thought, hey, I'll hop on the train and see what he says. Well, when he started talking about what totem was connected to which birth date, I actually prayed he didn't say cougar on me. But of course he did.
So that was weird. It really surprised me how well it fitted with how I am, and it's actually helped me accept myself and my warrior/way too silent most of the time-nature.

I've contacted totems after that, and a bear came and showed me something to give me insight. The insight was that I was in the middle of a long personal battle, and this was the hardest part where I wanted to give up and couldn't see an end to it.

The last time was strange, I dreamt about being in France (I thought), with a very nice family called the Merciers. By their house was a forest and it didn't really look like france. I tried to hide in a bush all the time, and I even wore camouflage.. Then a huge moose appeared, with that look in it's eyes I'm beginning to know. When I woke up I thought it was strange to dream of France, and certainly France with moose, and what was the deal with Mercier? Of course, turns out Mercier was one of the first families to leave Europe for Canada. So I was obviously in Canada.. And moos medicine is confidence, so guess it tried to tell me not to hide anymore and believe in myself.

Or I'm just insane..

And thank u for ur advice on sleep







Sorry I'm writing the longest posts sometimes.


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## Guest (Feb 28, 2012)

yess!! etsy is amazing..







and brings out so many creative ideas in people. True artists!







I looked your name up but couldnt find you. Here is my link.. you can add me .. i try to put new stuff up every month. *******lot of fantasy stuff... i have to add a bunch that im just about done with. And yes, way better than mass produce stuff..For my other etsy account (not finished with yet) im gunna be making different totem animals.. from polymer clay.

my ideas also come from dreams and visions of fantasy stuff.. without even knowing what fairy houses were ive seen some during meditations. Like tiny gnome homes also that look like holland style adornments in the trees and on grass lol also castles and just too much for my mind to handle sometimes.

wow, that is an awesome story about you finding out your totem animal.. cougar.. that sounds like a great totem.
i found this..

'Cougar has been known by many names: puma, mountain lion, catamount, screamer, panther and more. Cougar is its South American name, and the name Puma comes from the Quechua language of the Incas. Early colonists mistook the cougar for a female lion. The Native Americans jokingly told them all the male lions lived high up in the mountains, and thus came the name Mountain Lion.

The traditional Cherokee belief system holds the number Seven to represent the height of purity and sacredness-the highest and most difficult level of spirituality to attain. It was believed that only Cougar and Owl attained this level (as well as the spruce, pine, cedar, holly and laurel). These two creatures are honored in some versions of the Creation story; they were the only two able to stay awake for the seven nights of Creation. The Creator blessed them both with night vision, and keen eyesight and hearing.'

Wow thats amazing how you are intune with the gift that animals each have to offer.







I admire native americans and their views of sacredness in all life. And lucky you.. those are very grounded animals... i think i need a whale or something haha a blue whale totem.. that would truly be of some help for me. haha

You're not insane.. that a really great dream.. about france and the moose.. you're just listening to your dreams







I see dreams like our own personal therapist.. showing us what areas we have to work harder in or revealing to us all that we try to escape from. Nightmares are in fact good for us.. they help us release a lot of built up emotions and how else can we face our fears or listen if we wont in the waking world? through dreams







And lucid dreams are soo amazing.. these dreams can teach us about our power .. beyond limitations.

thank for sharing your dreams..







and so cool that our power animals can change.. or we can attune to one for a certain time in our life.


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## York (Feb 26, 2008)

ellatree said:


> yess!! etsy is amazing..
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I've added you to my circle on Etsy







I really like your things, I love unicorns and faeries. I have a unicorn necklace.. I love the painting with the faeries, I just stumbled upon some faerie poetry the other night when I was googeling Yates. It seems like people used to really believe in them in the olden days, I can't say I see to many grown up men write poetry about them nowadays..








When I went to Ireland a long time ago, I could almost feel the faeries hiding in the green landscape. It's a magical feel to that country.

Wow, I didn't know about the number seven and the cougar. I did have a numerological reading, and the "answer" for my destiny was that I should become a spiritual leader.. Wish I'd known before spending all my money on becoming a graphic designer..lol 
I do feel good about the thought of being a warrior, in the sense that I've always stood up for people that can't really do it for themselves, and I'd love to have work where I'd be able to help children who has a difficult family situation. Thats where I feel the cougar in me. I've always said I'm a warrior at heart, I'm never afraid to go first into "battle"









There is described some rituals online about how to contact totem animals. You can easily find out what yours is by looking up totem and birthday. I have a book called Book of spirit: Adult Prayer, it's a good introduction and an easy read. 
It's by William Two Feather.

I'm having a weird day today. It's like I've connected a couple of times. I think writing stuff helps! Really weird, I've been dp'd so long now, I can't imagine being free from it.

See you on Etsy!


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## Guest (Feb 28, 2012)

York said:


> I've added you to my circle on Etsy
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yay! i just accepted your request.. im gunna reply to u through there.. will tell u why in a moment.. also at school writing a horrible paper ugh..


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## drose (Dec 31, 2011)

Ha ha ha! Thanks for that. I'm not so much on the alien stuff, but relate otherwise and it's nice to be able to laugh about it sometimes. Makes it not so scary for a bit.


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