# Getting familiar with detachment and analyzing it



## dppara (Dec 17, 2014)

I am sitting in front of the computer, typing this.

I have a pillow around my neck. A U shaped pillow.

It kinda feels as if I was underwater and the water was until my neck.

I cannot feel my arms.

Most of the time.

But If I move them, then I can feel them.

The pillow melts together with my arm.

The nerve impulses caused by the pillow get mixed up with the impulses coming from my arm.

Sometimes this is frightening.

I am afraid that I am getting stuck in some kind of glue.

That I cannot move. I am feeling that right now. Normally I would jump up and move my body around to make these feelings go away. But I try to be strong and see what happens if I don't do it. Nothing really happens.

The feeling stays the same.

It is like when .... well actually I just could not take it anymore.. I jumped up ... got out of the chair, moved around and noticed that I am not stuck in a glue and my feelings of arm, neck and everything comes back if I move them. Phew. That is nice. But for a few seconds I was thinking It will not come back. That I got stuck in this feeling of nothingness.

I don't know why they came back. I like them now that they are back.

It is like as if my body / mind went to sleep and when I moved around I woke it up from its idling state. Like when your laptop goes to sleep mode when you close the lid.

These kind of things happen me every 10-30 minutes. But it is not unmanageable.

They are kinda interesting. I really wonder why are they happening.

I wonder what would happen in an MRI scan / it seems I can control this feeling - by moving myself.

Would there be any correlation with what an MRI scan shows ?

Would this info help other DP sufferers?

Would this somehow lead to development of drugs that keep the part of my mind awake that goes to sleep if I am not moving ?

Well, this gets very frightening when I cannot control this melting-together-with-the-environment/getting-stuck-in-a-thick-invisible-jelly feeling.

I just really can be thankful that this feeling does not take over 24/7, that I have some time when I can feel myself as I used to when I was child playing on the playground.

Any thoughts on this ?

Anyone feels similar ? Being able to control it ? Allow it to happen ? Examine how it feels ? Then cause it to stop ?


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## dppara (Dec 17, 2014)

Yeah, I really wonder why this merging (with the bed) is happening.

And why it goes away if there are tactile stimuli?

The key is that it comes and goes.

If I could find a way to make it go away even if I am not applying tactile stimuli ( as it was when I was younger ) then that would bring "cure" closer.

Anyone have some ideas on this ? Why is this feeling of merging ? Would this merging happen to "normal" people ? Is this an already existing mechanism that gets switched on even when it should not be switched on ?

"When relaxed, the sense of feeling in our bodies is reduced even more than usual." - I don't really get the point here. Could you explain?


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## dppara (Dec 17, 2014)

Interesting, maybe I need to look this up why this is.

I wonder if there is a mechanism in the brain that on purpose cuts off the feelings. (Sidenote, this can go the other way too, for example some people are hypersensitive to touch in the mouth and cannot brush teeth or eat anything solid).

For example when you concentrate on something, the the brain needs to let you concentrate and then it needs to cut out the environment.

For example, for me, DP or moreprecisely, numbness (somatic DP) gets worse if I am tired and try to concentrat on something (like programming or reading - or writing) then I have to take a break (which I just took right now) and let my brain feel the world again.

One really strange thing that is happening to me (and I wonder if someono can relate to this ) :

1) I am working
2) start to feel numbness in my body
3) stop working, start to relax
4) as I am relaxing I get involuntary muscle jerks/head movements
5) half a minute later I feel better

really strange.

What is strange is that I am only getting the muscle jerkes while I am relaxing.

Anyone else has these "jerks while relaxing" ?

Also somehow it seems that the jerks seem to help, somehow they seem to help relieve 
some kind of mental tension or they wake up / shake up part of my brain or I don't know what but they definitly help.

I furthermore wonder if the muscle jerks relate to a weak form of epilepsy hence some people get reliefy the epilepsy medicine like lamotrigin (should I try that? - I can manage atm - even if its not pleasent/easy).

Any thoughts on these ramblings ?


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## dppara (Dec 17, 2014)

One more thing, what I noticed right now, and I usually notice this often, is having some kind of flat/cold surface against my skin, right now the laptop on my chest seems to be "annoying"/ difficult to understand for my malfunctioning somatic brain. But I just need to ignore it and keep working.

Anyone else has the problem of having the laptop on the chest/belly and then you need to remove the laptop because you start merging with it ?

Then when you remove it becomes better ?

Well, right now I just resisted the urge to remove it, and wait it out. The annoying feeling remained but nothing really bad happened. The situation is still in the manageable state.


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