# Impending doom!!!



## Tyree225 (Oct 29, 2018)

To start this is my first post. Well as of July I have suffered from this he'll we call DP, i got my first panic attack about 14 years ago from smoking weed, well I have anxiety and panick off and on ever since, some times I would go years feeling care free and then would get an attack or two. Well about 4-5 month ago I notice my anxiety being super severe and busted tried to ignore it like normal like I always do. Well I was in this stage when I decided to quit my job " not because of the anxiety" well that when it happens, I started getting anxiety non stop and then I would have panick attacks that would last all day, well as the days went on I started feeling witch I didn't know at the time was DP, it got so bad that it had to stop so I went to the "doc in the box" and was given "hydroxyzine" ???????????????????? sorry had to laugh cuz we all know how absolutely useless that is for panic, so I go home and have a anxity and panic with mild DP for a few more days, then I'm off to the ER, where I was given lorazepam ( Ativan) for a absolutely debilitating panic attack that made me want to kill myself to make it stop, he gave me 1 mg of that beautiful little pill witch I was scared to death was going to kill me, well 30-40 go buy and I was as cool as a customer ????, I mean man i was feeling good lol, well in the meantime I set up to see a psychiatrist and was put on zoloft and propranolol , buy this time the DP was in full swing and I was lost to the word. Stuck in my head and this altered reality that made me anxious beyond belief and fearful of everything and got to the point that all I could do was shake and sit in my room tell I somehow past put to wake and do it all again. Well yesterday I had enough because id rather die then feel it any longer, so I checked myself in to a psychiatric hospital witch I checked put of 4 hours latter and they kept me tell 4pm today so I spent a full day and night in there and trust me when I say they are 0 help. I never took the meds zoloft or professional so now I'm left with a choice take the meds or suffer this he'll forever, I'm curious as to see what everyone's results were with these two meds? Sorry about the long story I just had to get it out there


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Interesting your story is very similar to mine , you having anxiety and panic attacks for 14 years ect 
Over the 14 years did you have transient symptoms of depersonalization or derealization ?
The med question sorry cant help


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## forestx5 (Aug 29, 2008)

I had a "panic attack" from smoking weed when I was 17. I spiraled into a deep depression. I acquired a head tremor. I began to have ocular migraines. I had fierce anxiety and insomnia. I experienced intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts, and something called "exploding head syndrome".

I lost my emotions. I lost my libido. I continued to have "panic attacks" and I suffered 4 more episodes of severe depression which were very similar to the 1st episode. 6 months into the hole, 12 mounts to climb back out. Another 18 months of intense suffering in ignorance and fear.

I worked hard to distance myself from these episodes, but they kept recurring every 8 or 10 years, as a reminder that I was not going anywhere.

Then one day I was googling neurological stuff on the internet and I found a British Neuro Text in which a patient had suffered the exact same trauma as I had at age 17. It explained every symptom in minute detail. I knew I had solved the riddle of my life.

My trauma at age 17 was an epigastric aura followed by a series of temporal lobe seizures. My panic attacks were focal temporal lobe seizures. I had an EEG and MRI which verified my self diagnosis. The text said I was a worse case scenario as my post ictal psychosis segued into an affective disorder of major depression.

I had ECT in 2014, which reset my brain and ended my depression. My EEGs show the history of epileptic pathology, but I am not currently having seizures. After 40 years, I'm back home. EEGs are painless.

While I was being treated for depression by psychiatry, I took paxil, Effexor, and other SSRIs. In my experience, Escitalopram/Lexapro was the best SSRI with lowest side effect profile. Klonopin/Clonazepam was a life saver for my anxiety.

Amitriptyline/Elavil or Seroquel were lifesavers for insomnia.


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## Tyree225 (Oct 29, 2018)

Allison84 yes during the panic attacks would always be very short-term like a few minutes at most then would subside as the anxiety did I truly think it's this fear of the depersonalization that leads us down this road of continual DP, my psychiatrist was explaining to me how the front parts of our brains are completely shut off so everything that we take in sounds site emotions Etc go straight to her room which is the part of the brain Associated for feelings such as fear and discontent so naturally everything that we take in we will find a fear instead of excitement or enjoyment. My personal opinion I think our brands have stopped using serotonin and dopamine almost completely therefore our bodies are producing the right amount of cortisol so we are literally living off of fear. One thing I've experienced that makes it a worse is all good this feeling of complete impending doom like you do with a panic attack but without the panic attack and it's so overwhelming that you feel an urge to just kill yourself to stop it like it makes me hate my life in the world and this reality so much


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

When I was having severe panic attacks I had urges to kill myself to end how insane I felt it was so scary .
I dont really get panic attacks anymore only very occasionally but I'm not scared of them anymore. 
Even though I dont have panic attacks i still have chronic dissociation. 
I dont know why its continued in me but I'm pretty fed up it's been 3 years next month...


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## Tyree225 (Oct 29, 2018)

Allison do you feel super depressed like there's nothing left inside but death?


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