# Despair.



## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Today I?m just very very very sad and angry about what we are all going through, I rarely cry but today "I" shed some tears. I say "I" because Im not fucking aware of myself anymore and my senses are all clouded/fogged by this shit. I?ve never been suicidal or even close to it but today i think i can understand how suicidal people might feel.

Tnx doc, the antidepressant that you have me on a large dose of seems to be working like a charm goddamnit.

Maybe it didnt help that i watched the movie "Keith" today, about a guy who suffers from depression and later dies of cancer, leaving behind his soulmate. I spoil the ending like this because i really dont recommend this movie to anyone on here, maybe to relatives or friends but it has the potential to make you feel worse, and it wasnt even that good of a movie and im not usually one to react to movies.

I just want the DP to go away, I?d even take back the severe anxiety and panic attacks if only to feel alive and aware again. I dont know what to do. This is hopeless.


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

All I can say is soak up the sweetness and indulgence of being sad.

You have earned the right to be sad, but make sure you get something out of it.

Oh and don't kill yourself, we would miss you terribly and we are already grieving for ourselves.

Let's make today a healthy sad day.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

ahh the "i". i can't give you all that much help but i can tell you that i dealt with this and still am. 
i wrote this last year when i was feeling that way.

Were all so _i_ oriented
Perfecting the symbols to dot the _i_?s.
And pretty soon _i_ becomes detached limbs,
The image in the mirror that doesn?t understand
The little dot of mass proportions
The letter of imaginary numbers.
_i _couldn?t bare to tell you
What happens when the
Mirror stares back and the
Shower scalds skin already asleep.
Whirlwind the wisdom softly
Through each pillowcase
Like the thread that holds it together
Loathing and envying
Are ripping the skin off
My rational, complex, and imaginary friends.
Hanging horizontally from the flag-post
Hate tugging every decent part away?
the pea coat eccentricities 
Something?s are bound 
To then be ripped
To then be stripped 
To _i_

_The Oceanographer
Knows the finds in my mind 
Why can't he sea me?_


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Tnx guys. Dont really know what to say. That was a really good poem Peachy. You both are so intelligent.


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## Guest (Sep 15, 2008)

((((inzom))).......Im sorry you feel so bad but you can get through this I promise.Hang in there.

Peachy you should post that poem in the art and poetry section,its briiliant and beautiful.

Lynsey x.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

you guys are all too nice to me  
thank you. i think i might start posting poetry on the art section.


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

{{{{HUGS}}}}


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Why are there so many talented and sensitive people on this site.
I have a lump in my throat.
Peach your poem....god.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

This thread started out being made of FAIL and turned out to be WIN.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

that's exactly what this community is good for 
given lemons
makin lemonade


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

AMEN to that!

*starts dancing like an african-american gospel choir leader*


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Peach did you make that up? I love it.

Hazel I am going to join you.

"Starts dancing like Ellane(sp) from Seinfeld "


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

the lemonade thing? no that's a silly cliche that's been passed around for a long time.

dance dance dance.
we should have a real life dance party.


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## Surfingisfun001 (Sep 25, 2007)

Hey Chris, sorry you are feeling so down. I really don't know what to say. I like what Mark said, I think I'm guna copy him.

All I can say is soak up the sweetness and indulgence of being sad.

You have earned the right to be sad, but make sure you get something out of it.

Oh and don't kill yourself, we would miss you terribly and we are already grieving for ourselves.

Let's make today a healthy sad day.

But seriously I enjoy your presence on here, it would be very tragic to see anyone from our DP family die. You will get better it just takes time. For the Rolling Stones "time was on their side". maybe that's a good way to try to look at it.


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

Well said Kenny 

We LOVE you Chris!!


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## Guest (Sep 16, 2008)

surfingisfun001 said:


> Oh and don't kill yourself, we would miss you terribly and we are already grieving for ourselves.
> 
> Let's make today a healthy sad day.


  Thats like the bestest/greatest thing ive ever heard you say Kenny,...you have many sides to you dont you. 

It is perfectly healthy to be sad and not push saddness away...excellent statement.

Lynsey x.


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## hurricane12 (May 22, 2008)

ive been suicidal before when i was real depressed i actually done alot of stupid shit because of it
including stepping in front of cars and fighting for no reason
but once i got this dp/dr im kind of afraid to die because if death feels anything like this or worse i dont want to die
and as far as desparation goes everyone here has been there and worse
i have had so many additional physical problems that make handling dp/dr so dam hard
i cant even get a good nights sleep anymore which used to be my escape now feels like hell.
but just hang in there


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Shit. Shit Shit Shit. I woke up today and my dp is 500% worse, Im down to like 2% self-awareness, This text is writing itself. What is happening, something must have happened during the night, My brain cant get out of sleepmode. Ive never ever felt this DP?d, I think im starting to panic.


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## SistA HazeL (Aug 10, 2008)

Inzom said:


> Shit. Shit Shit Shit. I woke up today and my dp is 500% worse, Im down to like 2% self-awareness, This text is writing itself. What is happening, something must have happened during the night, My brain cant get out of sleepmode. Ive never ever felt this DP?d, I think im starting to panic.


you are not the only one... :'(


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Inzom said:


> Shit. Shit Shit Shit. I woke up today and my dp is 500% worse, Im down to like 2% self-awareness, This text is writing itself. What is happening, something must have happened during the night, My brain cant get out of sleepmode. Ive never ever felt this DP?d, I think im starting to panic.


Whatever you do. Do not open the panic door.
Go for a run. Go to the hospital. Once the door is open it is hard to shut.
Look at nude woman on the net. Anything.


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## voidvoid (Sep 5, 2008)

Mark said:


> Inzom said:
> 
> 
> > Shit. Shit Shit Shit. I woke up today and my dp is 500% worse, Im down to like 2% self-awareness, This text is writing itself. What is happening, something must have happened during the night, My brain cant get out of sleepmode. Ive never ever felt this DP?d, I think im starting to panic.
> ...


Im trying to watch American Pie Beta House atm, lets see if the massive ammounts of T&A&V does some good.


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

That's it.
Porn panic pill.
DP can't stop you from appreciating the opposite sex.


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## peachy (Feb 9, 2008)

Mark said:


> DP can't stop you from appreciating the opposite sex.


and thank god for that!


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## hurricane12 (May 22, 2008)

im not gunna lie when im watching porn i forget all about dp :lol:


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