# How Do I Help My Girlfriend with DP/DR?



## idonteatcheetos (Aug 16, 2013)

Hello everyone, this is my first topic/post here. Feel free to move this post if it's in the wrong section.

I've decided to post here because I'm currently in a long distance relationship with someone who may have DP/DR.

So, her and I first started talking to each other 4 weeks ago, and we instantly become attached to each other. Her and I told each other everything, we were very open to each other (me a little less-so because I'm shy). Everything was going well, we've had our ups and downs like any normal relationship and had our problems but we solved them relatively quickly. She's told me she wanted to take things slowly, due to her last relationship being extremely negative and emotionally abusive, then about 15 days ago, she asked me if I would be open to the idea of dating her sometime in the future. I said yes and I told her what I planned to do and when I would've asked her out, but then she told me she wanted to be the one to ask me out, and I was fine with that.

Sometime after that she decided to message me right after I woke up and told me she changed her mind and wanted me to ask her out instead, given that I trusted her and was comfortable with her and vice versa. I decided to ask her out about 6 days ago and she said she couldn't think at the moment, and that she was really confused.

This is where I began to notice her DP/DR. Later on that night she told me she thinks we were going too fast, that she got really frightened, and that she couldn't handle being dependent on anyone. I tried my best to convince her we can have a healthy relationship, but nothing came of it. After thinking about it, I decided it was too fast and it was best we didn't date.

She then told me that she detaches herself from people involuntarily. I think that her past sexual/physical/mental abuse attributed to this.

She told me not to take it personally if she acts cold or unaffectionate towards me, next she told me she may have a dissociative disorder and gave me a definition of it and told me she is going to see a psychiatrist soon. She also notices she's been very flippy and inconsistent with her actions and she's sorry for it, I told her not to blame herself.

She seems really distant and detached from me, currently. I tried to give her affection and tell her that I care about her but it seems as if she doesn't understand? Or doesn't know how to respond. She is now very confused about her feelings for me and having doubts about our relationship. She also feels very hopeless in general, that she has no bright future ahead.

This confuses me as well, because 3 days ago she seemed like the DP/DR went away or something, and was very affectionate to me and we had a great conversation about food (which is also one of our common interests), just like we were when we first met. The day after it felt like she didn't want me talking to her, but I stuck through it and didn't want to pressure her by being upset.

Yesterday I got very upset because it didn't seem like she cared about me at all, I told her that and she blamed herself for it, but she got over it eventually. Today, I'm trying to keep my distance from her but still help her if she needs it. Does anyone think I should be doing anything differently or should I leave her alone and give her time to herself like I'm doing now?


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## SongBillong (Sep 20, 2011)

Very interesting. I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with a girl and although I'm feeling a hell of a lot better these days, she still manages to pick up on my bad days when I just need some space, like with your girlfriend. From the sounds of it, you're easily able to recognise when she's in that kind of state and that's great. You're doing the right thing in giving her some space. Just let her know that you're there when she needs it like you're doing, because it's an extremely frightening and lonely place to be. She's not being nasty when she's like that - it just really does feel like the world is closing in and we all need time to recover after particularly bad days. Just be there but let her come to you more. You're doing the right thing pal


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