# Do you remember what it was like to be normal???



## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

I have completely forgotten what it was like to be normal. I just remember it was so...pure and effortless... just life.

I don't remember what the world looked like before... how I was before...what it is like to feel a "self" or what it is like to have real and deep emotions. I don't remember what it is like to be part of the world.

DO you remember?

This does not mean I cannot be cured, does it?

Oh man, these are the worst moments in all that


----------



## Emir (Nov 20, 2010)

...


----------



## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Yes, I remember it, very clearly actually. That has come with recovery. Even a few months back I couldn't remember what it felt like but that was just because of my own present subjective experience. My dp was clouding my ability to relate to my memories in that way. The more I recover, the more I not only remember but the more I can clearly feel and idenitfy with those feelings. I do remember now how it felt.


----------



## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Yeah, seeing my therapist made things absolutely WORSE. I was so hopeful, but she did not react to my hopes at all









Oh Sarah, so you also had moments, when you did not remember normality- thanks to God!!!!!!

I am glad I will see another therapist next week...


----------



## Brando2600 (Apr 22, 2010)

I don't remember what it was like, but like you said, I know it was "pure and effortless".


----------



## Fluke93 (Nov 2, 2010)

I'm with ustabetinyfairypeople, i can remember what it feels like, but not very vividly though. I couldn't do this when i was at my worst though.


----------



## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Thank you guys









It is really tough at the moment.

I don't believe what it is like to be normal. Everything I wanted in life either seems pointless or extremely frightening without a reason. I feel I can never get over this loss, never be happy again. At the moment it seems as if this is forever









I just try to hang in there and wait for better times. They always came back...I hope they will again


----------



## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

I don't think I ever was normal, lol. My first memory from life is when I was in kindergarden and asking my mom what day is it today. They asked it everyday in the kindergarden I guess, and I was really stessed I won't know the answer. I was so quiet and weird there so I stayed another year in kindergarden, and went to school when I was 7.

I was always very quiet and shy. I always feared life and thought about the future with a lot of fear. I knew I won't make it. Though my real depressin,anxiety and DP/DR started only when I was 19, I think I had some level of DP (and other things as well) since like, I dunno, maybe 14. I never felt normal. I lived in my head since I was little.

Maybe the only time I did enojyed life and felt quite of normal (and even then I suffered from all kind of things- sick mom, sexual abuse,etc) was when I was in elementary school. How sad, lol.


----------



## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Man, this is really sad. I truely feel sorry for you.

And it again shows me that I really should not complain...people have much greater problems than I have







...


----------



## EverDream (Dec 15, 2006)

Gypsy85 said:


> Man, this is really sad. I truely feel sorry for you.
> 
> And it again shows me that I really should not complain...people have much greater problems than I have
> 
> ...


Na, that's ok. We are all suffering very much. I just think that for some people it's much easier than others to recover. I believe that people who are drug induced, suffering for less than a year or 2, and mostly those who had great lives before, got along with life quite easily, functioned well, and knew who they are- have much greater chances to recovery. I actually think that with every help there is they will get cured for sure.


----------



## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

Maybe you are right and it is easier for people to recover, who had great lives before and were functioning well. But: It is hard when you were a little "show-around-girl" before and end up like that


----------



## Mushishi (May 31, 2010)

I don't remember. I'm not human anymore.


----------



## Guest (Feb 6, 2011)

I also am like Sarah,

I do remember because I have been recovering and have been having moments of reality, not fully, but it comes in like "waves". I have been surprised by it for some reasons. 1) It is shocking how Easy and Fluid it is to live in reality and 2) I couldn't have thought of it and 3) It's like I didn't ever leave reality, I only THOUGHT I have left it.


----------



## Gypsy85 (Sep 23, 2010)

TOF, so at the time you did not remember what it is like to be normal, how did you know that this was not your NEW normal!?

People change each day, especially when striking things happen.

Where do I know from that this is not my normal state of being now? Just because I am so unhappy? Just because I do not feel anything? Just because I cannot really tell who I am?

Maybe this is not DP. Maybe this is just what I have become because I have lost something that was so important to me. Maybe I am trying to recover from something, which is not really there.

This is the worst ever.

I could handle the toughest weeks in this, I showed so many times how brave I could be. I was really strong.

But having forgotten what it was like to be normal kills all my hope.


----------



## skylines (Feb 4, 2011)

I can remember it. Sometimes I think I can actually feel it if I try hard enough, but I can't. Someday!


----------



## Guest (Feb 6, 2011)

Gypsy85 said:


> TOF, so at the time you did not remember what it is like to be normal, how did you know that this was not your NEW normal!?
> 
> People change each day, especially when striking things happen.
> 
> ...


What I was trying to say is that "normal" reality isn't something you can "think" of. It's not a concept or an idea. It's just very enigmatic that way.

You make a good point about what if this is your new normal. But I think it pretty much is. This is now normal for you. That is part of accepting the DP/DR, imo. But living this way just doesn't feel "right", does it? That's what I think it comes down to, "Right" and "Wrong" perspective/experience of life/reality.


----------

