# taking someones energy



## ihavemessedupdreams

arf


----------



## Thomas Rymer

You're insane


----------



## Rozanne

edit


----------



## Pablo

There is an exchange of energy everytime you interact with another person but it is very rare for anybody to experience it like the way you describe, some people leech off other peoples energy, other people feel that they have to give it away due to fear. It sounds to me like you dont have very well developed defences and boundaries so you are vulnerable to the other people in your environment, or perhaps im not understanding what you are saying.

To be honest ihavemessedupdreams from reading some of your posts I think you would really benefit from having long term psychotherapy, I dont mean analysis rather a healing relationship where the focus is on support rather than cure. I dont say this becuase I think you are insane, I have psychotherapy myself and what it can do is help you to set up correct boundaries and defences around people, not so you become cold and distant rather so you are protected and secure and so people cant walk over you, which actually in the long term makes you a more loving person even though you are more defended.


----------



## Rozanne

As Pablo says you have boundary issues.


----------



## Pablo

Energetically speaking it is common for brothers and sisters to want each others energy because at one primative level you are rivals. Like Rozanne says it is all very Shamanic and to actually experience it directly without any training takes a remarkable amount natural sensitivity

Just out of curiosity is your sister older or younger than you ihavemessedupdreams?


----------



## Guest

Interesting Pablo... I seem to stress my twin sister with ease.... humm.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

> Is your sister uncertain of her identity? I relate to what you are saying but more from the view point of the girl. Women have what is called "emptiness", to various degrees, also depending on how insecure they are in their identity. This means they can be psychologically permeable and highly intuitive.
> 
> You really strike me as someone who is unintentionally on a shamanic or related path...seriously.
> 
> My advice would be to research Wicca and Shamanism.....these ideas you keep coming up to, even the fact you have horrifying dreams, is a sure sign that something's going on with you. And it sounds like you are quite afraid at the moment....fear needs to be worked through. It's ok, you aren't going mad. You are on a path which you are yet to find information on. I really hope you find a teacher who can make more sense of this before you go insane with all of it.


she seems pretty confident in who she is. but then there are alot of others parts of her where she looks extremly insecure to me anyway. 
I told my real father all of this to he old me that im a witch
he also told me that im gifted and he wont tell me what it is because he said it will drive me insane
im gonna look up what you wrote about tho. sorry for my typingi feel dead right now i know boring to read[/quote]


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

Rozanne said:


> Ok ok....
> 
> Look two totally different posts same sort of theme:
> 
> As Pablo says you have boundary issues. For whatever reason you seem to be obsessed with energies and other stuff. People who are sensitive and have a flooding of unconscious stuff can go into major problems if their fears/thoughts aren't dealt with. Whether you choose a therapist or a Shamanic teacher: the aim should be to try to reduce fear/paranoia and learning how to act with love, instead of from fear - defensiveness etc. And find ways of understanding what you are seeing here within a system, either psychology or energy considerations. What you speak about with your sister is related to the following:
> 
> Introjection
> Lack of identity
> Energy deficiency/insecurity
> 
> If you go to someone who knows about energy they'll be more sympathetic to that outlook. But if they do lots of rituals or manipulate energy, that can be negative karmically. They could also take the lid off the process and....it sounds like that's already happened. But the idea is to do it slowly. Even psychotherapy can take a lid off the unconscious. So whichever way, you'r going to have to release something and probably go on psychic journeys. The main thing is to be able to do that without it destroying you. Perhaps you need a teacher and a counsellor, just to keep that link with the modern world. I don't know, but I think you have a heck of a lot to deal with in the way of fear and paranoia. The sooner you start releasing it the better. Pay close attention to how you are releasing fear though, and if possible, avoid directing anger/hostility at others. That means, changing the way you deal with stuff. By the law of karma, if you continue to sent out hate/shit to people, your process will envelop onto itself, fear on fear. If you stop doing that, and start sending love and kindness, it could help you a great deal to heal yourself and build relationships with others.
> 
> Whatever you do: goodluck..There are people out there who do understand what you are going through. In times gone by you would have been the medicine doctor or something...but we don't have roles like that anymore. Anyone remotely "mysterious" or "energy aware" is a witch or a nut-case. Think about what it would have been like if you were in a primitive society. What role would you play? That's what you are meant to be doing. Bring it into modern life and don't be ashamed of yourself.
> 
> From what I can see, shamans in our modern world go down one of two routes. Either they can handle it. They see things, hear things etc, but they aren't remotely anxious or afraid. Or they go through hell and don't find the end of it, partly because there is no one to help people through processes. No one has the time to look inside. Perhaps they've been socially isolated and feared, and this just pushes the process beyond what it can take. Finding "your people" is the best thing you can do right now. But make sure you are going with responsible teachers whose aim is really positive, verging on Christian. No irresponsible use of power/energy. Anger/hate/hostility directed at people completely out of the question.


I know what your saying here for instance before I moved back home I was able to do "pyshic attack" on people I didint do it intentionally either I guess the enviorment I was in made me do this. and then when my stepdad came to pick me up I was doing it to him to. except i wanted it to go away and I couldint make it stop. he could be all the way in the gas station and i was sitting in the van and still like I was attached to his energy feild and completly making him feel what I was sending out.
and whats fucked up is I couldint make it stop eventully it all stoped when
it looked like he "stold my sense of self" and mirrored it onto him"
now im back home and ive turned to mush. I think whats really going on here is Im adapting so well to my enviorment that I make myself a certain way to keep everything comfortable for everyone. and I think i do this for my mom.

this all soundes crazy even when im writing it theres a part in me that goes "yeah ok mark" but this shit did happend and I know its real because I was closer to reailty and fixing in that time that I just described up there. and you can see these type of things alot easiyer when your "beter or almost better" you know.

either way im glad I got people here that know what im talking about
im gonna go look up what you said.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

Pablo said:


> Energetically speaking it is common for brothers and sisters to want each others energy because at one primative level you are rivals. Like Rozanne says it is all very Shamanic and to actually experience it directly without any training takes a remarkable amount natural sensitivity
> 
> Just out of curiosity is your sister older or younger than you ihavemessedupdreams?


shes younger shes 17 im 20
what do you mean like competition ?


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

Pablo said:


> There is an exchange of energy everytime you interact with another person but it is very rare for anybody to experience it like the way you describe, some people leech off other peoples energy, other people feel that they have to give it away due to fear. It sounds to me like you dont have very well developed defences and boundaries so you are vulnerable to the other people in your environment, or perhaps im not understanding what you are saying.
> 
> To be honest ihavemessedupdreams from reading some of your posts I think you would really benefit from having long term psychotherapy, I dont mean analysis rather a healing relationship where the focus is on support rather than cure. I dont say this becuase I think you are insane, I have psychotherapy myself and what it can do is help you to set up correct boundaries and defences around people, not so you become cold and distant rather so you are protected and secure and so people cant walk over you, which actually in the long term makes you a more loving person even though you are more defended.


thanks man but ive been to 3 diffrent people for help and none of them understand what im talking about


----------



## CECIL

Like Pablo said, every interaction two people have can involve exchanges of energy. Over time, especially people you are close to, you will end up taking some of their energy and they will take some of yours. For that reason, its not surprising that you can see pieces of yourself in your sister because they very literally are there.

The good news is that if you are interested, there are many techniques around to reclaim the energy that other people have taken from you (Not stolen because you agreed to it on some level) and to return to them the energy you've taken from them.


----------



## Pablo

ihavemessedupdreams said:


> shes younger shes 17 im 20
> what do you mean like competition ?


My thoughts would make more sense if she was older than you but it is very common for brothers and sisters to be in competition because when you are young there is only a certain amount of love and energy around to be given out so there is a rivalry for it, but I cant really say if that appplies to you in this case, im probably way off the mark.



ihavemessedupdreams said:


> thanks man but ive been to 3 diffrent people for help and none of them understand what im talking about


A therapist doesn't have to understand you for them to help you, there is no way any therapist could ever fix any of us but what they can do is help us fix ourselves, so it is good for your therapist to have empathy but I dont think that it matters if they completely understand you as long as you can intuit that they are decent people who are there to help you and you could potentially trust them.


----------



## Rozanne

edit


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

Rozanne said:


> I also cause massive issues in men with sadomasochistic attitudes to women....


I think any woman would cause problems in men who had sadomasochistic attitudes to woman,how kind of you to take the blame for their problem Rozanne..............ITS them not you..............


----------



## Rozanne

Thankyou Spirit: I love you!

I can see both view points. Personally I would feel most safe in your position if I saw someone expert in loss of ego boundaries. The fact remains that once ego boundaries have been broken it is very hard to reverse that. On the kundalini path, one does not aim to reduce that, but to live with it. Actually, during one point of "breaking down" of boundaries, I found myself quite disturbed and afraid. I received spiritual healing from a man who'd been healing for 30 years and had connections with Native Indian communities. I felt much better almost instantaneously. I received 3 more healings to remove astral crap which had accumulated in my field. I now maintain that with crystal baths and weekly spiritual healings, meditation practise, detachment meditations and most importantly clearing karma.

These are all sensible things. Even for people who do not believe in spirit, if you believe in energy, spiritual healing makes a lot of sense, as does learning to meditate and use meditation to clear your body and senses.

As I say...personally I feel once boundaries have been broken through abuse/neglect it is very hard to reaffirm them artificially. Only grounding will help. And that is conditional on dealing with negative emotions and fears. These are just my ideas...this is a public forum and there will be many ideas floating around. If you are really desperate, I don't see how you can go wrong by seeing a healer.

On reflection, I think Spirit is correct - getting involved with a path when you are in a state of fear could cause much more trouble than it is worth. But in the future, you may find it helpful to have a way of dealing with your psychic problems by joining a path which helps stabilise you, and give sense in this chaotic and strange life.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

...well I respect you a great deal for taking the Boddhisatva Vows....that is a massive commitment and I feel that changes how I see you quite a lot.

To be honest...I thought you'd write about your Witching days....maybe I took you for someone else! I think choosing a greater path over energy stuff is sensible though 

I'm still very much a believer in people having roles in life. I know of those who were not abused/neglected, but have certain sensitivities and suffers no anxiety with it. Therefore I do not rule out the possibility of certain paths. And it is obvious that psychic awakening is extremely common in people who have suffered...so on the one hand I totally respect the need for conventional solutions. But on the other, I feel energy considerations/ deep psychology are undeniable.

If Mark has already got access to his deeper psychology, I wonder if seeing a counsellor is going to close that, or make it harder to accept...that is all.

I regret posting on this topic now as I feel I have definately tried to give advice where I am not qualified to know. But to reserve "knowing" only to the psychiatric fraternity, is itself a religion. So I defend my ideals.

...I don't think that feeling energy is anything to do with believing yourself to be special. My clairsentience started with during a heart chakra awakening and has been tangible ever since. I even asked a psychiatrist if my belief in chakras meant I had a personality disorder and he said not....since I have found a paper written by a psychiatrist that was on chakras.

And R. D Laign for instance wrote very positive things about schizophrenia and the idea that people who have been through it could help other patients come out the other side. There are many many different schools of thought. I almost feel it it up to the individual which they choose and not an objective thing.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

to be honest here im having a hard time following what you 2 are saying
but i sense alot comfort towards me in this forum

and thats all that matters i cant belive people over the internet are showing me this type of affection

wow thanks  right back at ya


----------



## Rozanne

I just want to say, I'm sorry for distracting you with all these ideas Mark. I just PMed you to say that I have come to an intuitive conclusion about this...and I apologise to anyone out there who thinks I'm speaking out of place.

But I think you have two main problems my dear: Fear and violence. 
If you can cure those, you will be absolutely fine....just trust this. Jesus says: Be not afraid, also "love your neighbour as yourself". Those are two very important things to remember.

Again, apologies. I think I went way overboard trying to understand all this. Whatever you do: heal your fears.

All the best love...you really could do with a break from all this shit eh.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

maybe your right thanks for your advice


----------



## Rozanne

I have to say, I think this whole thread has really got to the crux of the problem for me. I want to simplify this a bit according to my view of things. I hope that this isn't taken as an ego rant...more of a sharing of my personal views.

Firstly, there is no doubt that Mark is suffering from problems with loss of ego boundaries, but also a lot of fear, relating to control/attachment and identity. He also has vivid dreams relating to death, and is a "bit obessed" with energy considerations, like whether he is giving people bad vibes, or they are giving him bad vibes. His main emotion is fear of attack and extreme defensiveness, verging on violence.

He needs help....from somewhere. And that help isn't going to be found on this site, but if he's to get in contact with someone he should at least know what his options are.

There are two main ways of looking at this: psychological, spiritual.

In my humble opinion, psychology practised without spiritual intention is devoid of real love. That is my humble opinion. I know that many benefit from psychology. Personally I feel that it can only be in service of the Divine plan. And shouldn't be used for others purposes. Therefore if I were to visit a therapist, there isn't a shadow of doubt in my mind the person would have to be either a transpersonal psychologist or a spiritual counsellor.

What are the pros and cons of going to a cousellor?

Firstly, Mark's interest in energies is extremely strong, and he will only have limited scope for this being taken seriously in a psychological context. I believe that his problem is twofold. He is obsessed with energy. But he is also afraid and a little paranois about it. If he went to a psychiatrist or a counsellor it is possible that the subject of "energy" will be diminished to an idea which is long past....irrelevent to everyday life. This lack of respect for the truth of energy I feel is an injustice. Therefore, whilst it may benefit him to be supported by a counsellor, i believe it would also be beneficial for him - or anyone involved in energy - to meet with those who are more open-minded. Possibly those who can reassure that it is possible to close off your energy field, and control the vibes that you are giving out. If he speaks with a counsellor, and only a counsellor, he won't be taught these things. It may takes many months of confusion and conflict to ascertain how he can relate to his energy beliefs wholesomely.

I throw my hands up in the air. Really I do. I feel the level of prejudice against energy considerations is overwhelming and unnecessary.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

Rozzane and Spirit

you guys have helped me alot almost as if you guys understand whats going on with me more then I do.

so you guys wanna be my girl?

kidding aside, altho that would be awesome. to have someone who understands me that much i could go right to the top and overcome this shit.

but i think your right if i was to go see someone all of my energy talk would be put aside like im suffering from some type pyschotic disorder your 100% right about that and your also 100% right about the ignorance when it comes to this. but its real i know it is.

maybe other people who arent open to it are just scared of it? I dont know

but after reading everything in this thread you guys have writting me
i have come to a conculsion.

I am almost 90% I self Reject
also Im gonna have to stop seeing things in either Black Or White
and maybe I need to look for a middle ground here like you guys are telling me this is probly the best option

instead of being either extremly cold or extremly vulnerable/nice
finding a middle ground is gonna be hard.

and im gonna also have to learn to close off my energy feild.
I think I learned this in child hood as a way of communicating

and I dont know I just want the confusion to go away because in the middle of all of this shit that goes on is a whole bunch of confusion
and pain and weakness and I dont know enough to drive me mad but I never seem to go over the top.

I dont know how you guys where able to paint such a perfect picture of me that blows me away. all i ever wanted was to be understood so someone can help me. and you guys have done just that. even tho im not better. but you helped me understand things alot better!

you guys are truly extremly smart and wonderfull people and i think! gifted.

so again thanks


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

I dont know whats going on I went outside to the bank then to the store
and I sent love out and all I get back is crulty. So I say fuck it and pretend everyones a ghost. I dont know what it is about me everyone is drawn to me I feel like im the center of attention when I go out there
and I feel everyones energy! do you think this is because Im outside of my skin so to speak?

i even walked past one guy and he turns his whole head to look at me
he looked like he wanted to fight


----------



## Rozanne

Practise a forgiveness meditation for all the people who disappointed you today (including yourself!). If you find it hard....I have a few ideas:

Changing the way you see others
People have an internal life, like you. Although they may seem happy, although they may hurt you...there is a part of them which is also hurt. By remembering this you can get your mind off of your own problems and think instead about others. When you think about others, your energy changes. It becomes lighter and people over time will start reacting to you different, but it does take time and you shouldn't expect results over night. It takes time for people to trust and they need to see something really good in you, underneath, in order to give that trust. It might take years. But it doesn't matter. By acting in that way you are automatically helping yourself feel life has a purpose other than your problems. Mark the peace-wisher. A lot easier for others to understand.

Removing blocks to wishing others peace
Of course, you may be living in a situation where you are being riled. But generally, things like jealousy, injustice, shame, embarassment and hate emotions stand in the way of you feeling you can really want others to be happy.


----------



## Guest

I see where you?re coming from Rozanne, although I would also like to add: Avoid becoming their tool unless you?re aware of it... I was used as a tool for many years, although I place myself within people?s palms so I could absorb their difficulties rather than my own. Please, every one... if you go down this path, do not forget yourself... or you?ll become as bitter as I did... Although you may wish to learn this for yourself?


----------



## Pablo

ihavemessedupdreams said:


> I dont know whats going on I went outside to the bank then to the store
> and I sent love out and all I get back is crulty. So I say flower* it and pretend everyones a ghost. I dont know what it is about me everyone is drawn to me I feel like im the center of attention when I go out there
> and I feel everyones energy! do you think this is because Im outside of my skin so to speak?
> 
> i even walked past one guy and he turns his whole head to look at me
> he looked like he wanted to fight


This sounds like projection to me.

What I mean is for example about a year ago I was in a bad mental state and I thought everybody was sending me bad vibes and everybody was sending me aggressive energy and wanted to beat me up, but after a while I realised that it was infact me who was sending out the defensive bad vibes and I was the one being aggressive in my outlook. So I was projecting my bad negative feelings onto other people so I didn't have to face up to them in myself.

The answer to getting out of this is not to try to be nice and compassionate and send out good vibes but it is to get in touch with your own anger and bad feelings and find a way to be with them or channel them elsewhere. Psychotherapy can help a lot with this because it gives you someone safe to channel your negative feelings towards and forces you to face up to what you are really feeling.


----------



## Rozanne

Emulated Puppet}eer said:


> I see where you?re coming from Rozanne, although I would also like to add: Avoid becoming their tool unless you?re aware of it... I was used as a tool for many years, although I place myself within people?s palms so I could absorb their difficulties rather than my own. Please, every one... if you go down this path, do not forget yourself... or you?ll become as bitter as I did... Although you may wish to learn this for yourself?


....I'm training as a healer, and what you write is spot on. Of course, I have to take care of myself as first priority and I'm now learning how to do that.


----------



## Rozanne

Pablo said:


> The answer to getting out of this is not to try to be nice and compassionate and send out good vibes but it is to get in touch with your own anger and bad feelings and find a way to be with them or channel them elsewhere. Psychotherapy can help a lot with this because it gives you someone safe to channel your negative feelings towards and forces you to face up to what you are really feeling.


Emotional expression and compassion aren't mutually exclusive. The most compassionate thing is to be honest....how could it be wrong to express your true feelings?


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

Curious... the pause before your words.

Humm... it?s as if I?ve given my ?word? to everyone, yet broken it time and time again... it would seem my words are empty... although if I were to allow them to echo... hum pay me no mind, idle mind chatter.

Wonderful, simply wonderful... of all the paths you could have chosen... you chose to be a healer. You?re beauty will be amplified. You?ll come to be able to heal with your eyes.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

thanks to everyone pablo emulator spirit rose

i understood perfectly exactly what your trying to tell me
looks like im self destruction terribly i gotta learn to grab a hold of my mind again

maybe letting emotions come somehow if i can manage this will fix everything -

and about the projection this is probly whats really going on
wonder if others can see im doing this? doesint matter tho

if i can somehow let the emotions come then my mind should follow
and everything should be ok

you guys are helping me in recovery i appreacite this alot

you guys are deffinitly wise who better to listen to then someone who has been through the same situation. and i can easily see its true by what you have wrote to me

again thank you


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Pablo

Rozanne said:


> Pablo said:
> 
> 
> 
> The answer to getting out of this is not to try to be nice and compassionate and send out good vibes but it is to get in touch with your own anger and bad feelings and find a way to be with them or channel them elsewhere. Psychotherapy can help a lot with this because it gives you someone safe to channel your negative feelings towards and forces you to face up to what you are really feeling.
> 
> 
> 
> Emotional expression and compassion aren't mutually exclusive. The most compassionate thing is to be honest....how could it be wrong to express your true feelings?
Click to expand...

What I was trying to say was that if in reality you are sending out aggressive energy without actually realising it, it is not going to help much to go out and try to send out nice vibes to the people you meet because that is just going to confuse you and dissociate you further from your true feelings. You have to get in touch with and explore the negativity that you are giving out otherwise you will spend your whole life running away from those feelings in an attempt to be a "nice" person.

What I am saying may not even apply here but I just wanted to introduce it as a possibility because it resonated with my personal experience.


----------



## Pablo

ihavemessedupdreams said:


> thanks to everyone pablo emulator spirit rose
> 
> i understood perfectly exactly what your trying to tell me
> looks like im self destruction terribly i gotta learn to grab a hold of my mind again
> 
> maybe letting emotions come somehow if i can manage this will fix everything -
> 
> and about the projection this is probly whats really going on
> wonder if others can see im doing this? doesint matter tho
> 
> if i can somehow let the emotions come then my mind should follow
> and everything should be ok
> 
> you guys are helping me in recovery i appreacite this alot
> 
> you guys are deffinitly wise who better to listen to then someone who has been through the same situation. and i can easily see its true by what you have wrote to me
> 
> again thank you


Your answers will eventually come to you whatever they are, only you will ever really know what they are. Many people are self destructive, I know I certainly am so try noy be hard on yourself no matter what place you are in. Take care mate.


----------



## Rozanne

Pablo said:


> What I was trying to say was that if in reality you are sending out aggressive energy without actually realising it, it is not going to help much to go out and try to send out nice vibes to the people you meet because that is just going to confuse you and dissociate you further from your true feelings. You have to get in touch with and explore the negativity that you are giving out otherwise you will spend your whole life running away from those feelings in an attempt to be a "nice" person.
> 
> What I am saying may not even apply here but I just wanted to introduce it as a possibility because it resonated with my personal experience.


My own experience has told me that while trying to develop compassion in false ways is detrimental to my own health, continuing to at least try to be compassionate is the best thing I can do in order to heal. Coming from the spiritual perspective and not a psychoanalytic one....I feel it it better to idealise compassion/forgiveness over destructiveness.

I have the impression that being unrepressed - flow of energy - is not the same as sending out aggression or hate to others. But recognising the genuine frustrations of life...and realising it is a natural part of this earth plane to be frustrated.

I am a bit of a hypocrit because my 3rd chakra is in dire need of work...especially re: emotional release. But I am working on it, and I don't think violence is the same as passion.


----------



## Rozanne

Pablo, 
If there was more compassion to start off with, people could express more of their true feelings without fear of retribution.
Rox


----------



## Pablo

Rozanne said:


> My own experience has told me that while trying to develop compassion in false ways is detrimental to my own health, continuing to at least try to be compassionate is the best thing I can do in order to heal. Coming from the spiritual perspective and not a psychoanalytic one....I feel it it better to idealise compassion/forgiveness over destructiveness.
> 
> I have the impression that being unrepressed - flow of energy - is not the same as sending out aggression or hate to others. But recognising the genuine frustrations of life...and realising it is a natural part of this earth plane to be frustrated.


Im just not sure that it is possible to try to be compassionate. Compassion flows naturally when a person is healthy and dealt with their issues but I think trying to be compassionate is just as difficult as trying to love - if you want it to be genuine and not contrived then it has to just flow naturally, your will or wants play no part. If you take compassion as a commandment like many religions do then it just becomes another part of your superego therefore it keeps you unconscious of yourself.

It is easy to get bogged down with interpretation when talking about compassion because true compassion simply embraces all things non judgementally including destructivenss and hate but true compassion is rare and to be honest I have found there to be as much true compassion within psychotherapy as spirituality and really I dont see any difference between the two approaches.

In my view true spirituality doesn't idealise compassion over destructiveness and I guess this is where our disagreement lies because my view is that spirituality is simply an approach of attempting to face up to and embrace what exists within you and within the world no matter if it is good or bad, there is no place for idealisations in my view of spirituality because you dont get to choose or idealise what exists and what is real. All the approaches which idealise the good over the bad do more harm than good in my view.


----------



## Rozanne

To give because the mind thinks it is right is something I've done a lot of and it does cause me to dissociate. So I see what you are saying about that. Better to develop the heart - the seat of the spirit. Still, I do not see that as a passive thing. "when the eyes are good the body is filled with light". Opening the heart is also a choice.


----------



## Guest

Rozanne... I want your babies.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

Emulated Puppet}eer said:


> Rozanne... I want your babies.


What babies are you talking about? 
I didn't know I had any...
I'm only 24 I need time to grow down lol.
Was thinking about this tonight.
I'll have kids when I recall being a baby
Then I'll be able to be a good mother.


----------



## CECIL

Thanks for that post Spirit it helped me out. I can recall many times in my life when I really felt that everything around me was falling apart. At the time I described it as "my entire soul being smashed and shattered. Just utterly ripped apart". At the time it seemed like a negative force but since I've come to realise that all of that had to go.

In fact I may just be in a similar place right now but didn't realise it until I read that post  I guess I have to work on accepting the process rather than feeling depressed because of it.

In a way letting go of those things that you were holding onto can be very painful and it literally is like dying. But each time that little piece of you is given new life and a new chance of becoming something else. And so the cycle continues (Around and around we go  ).

As much as I want to nurture and heal the world, I also want to smash it to pieces. Both are a valid part of me and both drives will play a part in my life.


----------



## Guest

*Rubs head*... the eggs in your tummy... lol

Yeah... I need time to grow up... lol.

You?ll make a wonderful mother already, you?ll give your child/children the love you wanted yourself... but this... I just assume. Only you know yourself... although you may need more time on this... I know I do =).


----------



## Rozanne

Really interesting read.

In order to actually accept the world as it is - with a sense of internal liberation - you need to work through attachments. To do that you first generate compassion. That is, the attachment becomes giving. Then the attachments within giving become power issues, worth, etc etc. Then you let go of those and see there was no need for you to be giving. Or that true giving is allowing. But to actually get to the stage where that is really felt on a very deep deep level....I think you'd have to either have a considerable amount of insight, or just trust that Tao has it taken care of. So yeah, it is true spirituality, but how do you get there...honestly?

The path of forgiveness means that it is possible to accept things in their actuality. Or get a little closer to that. That's all we can do, get closer to feeling "OK" about the past and the actual state of things, including the shadow. Even if you do shadow work, you meet the shadow with compassion. So that allowance of things, is compassion. It is not possible to truely allow something without compassion.

Maybe a better way of seeing compassion is complete unity with reality, hence lack of resistance. Lack of blocks, lack of aversion, lack of affective reaction....meditation helps one to find more of that. The more you know yourself as spirit, the less you rely on the outside to make ya feel alright.

So basically, to arive at real spirituality, there must be some realisation of spirit self. To merely allow things to pass in the world without external reactivity, is not the same as feeling internally free as those things happen.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

Thankyou for those posts Spirit - you have helped shed some light on my meaning structures on giving.


----------



## Guest

Is it possible to truly be selfless on the highest level which would be, to die for some one... say the person you loved deeply? If you did do that, you?re friends and family might look upon it as being selfish. I?ve come of topic... I keep saying it.... *shakes head*... i?ll have that damn webcam soon so I can express myself fully.


----------



## Rozanne

Spirit said:


> everything got so far and then fell apart untill I stoped building those houses in ignorant darkness.
> Spirit.


There's a good thing in Quakers Faith and Practise. It says something like:

I was worried I was going to breakdown
And then I did
And it didn't matter


----------



## Guest

Yep, you can always get back up.


----------



## Rozanne

Hey,
Spirit, I don't know if I agree with your Buddhist teachings. I'll explain my view on giving simply here. If you would care to reply to it, that would be welcome. My view may be incorrect, but this is how it is currently. Basically I believe the only true selflessness is on the level of spirit. When you give from within the form, unless you are giving "your last rolo" it is all superfluous. But that which you need to survive counts. And I do not believe in giving that which I depend on to survive unless everyone was in poverty. I try to keep my posessions and wardrobe down within reason. If anyone wanted something from my clothes, I would give it, but there are a few core items I wouldn't give such as my shoes, trousers and my favorite wooly jumper. Those, i feel are my boundaries of integrity. It might be an artificial way of looking at it, but I see no virtue in allowing others to destroy one on the level of basic survival.

Now...I have friends who give and give. They wouldn't care if they had no shoes. They wouldn't care if they lost their house, or got accused of being criminals because they sometimes - in their naivety - allow kids to come in their garden and house. I love them but I don't like their self-destructiveness and self-denial, they know this. I think it is a self-worth issue to be quite honest.

All my life, I was with their philosophy. Lately I've found selfless people who allow themselves what they need to live a healthy and productive life. That is, they don't limit themselves to poverty. What, ultimately, do you believe one should sacrifice to live a truely dharmic path, and under what circumstances?

** may I just note here that people, like nuns who make a vow of poverty, still have some garments, and still have food to eat? That is, they don't stand out in the rain in their underwear but still protect their modesty and integrity with garments....Where are the limits, is what I am asking you, in your opinion, on the purely physical level. Do you see limits? Or do you think that this law of selflessness should be 100% on the physical level.

As I said above...for sure I believe in selflessness of spirit: spirit is unconditional like that. But on the physical level? I see limitations to physical kindness unless one is choosing to sacrifice their physical life.

May I just say one last thing (I know I ramble) - I don't see this as only applying to myself. Whilst it hurts to think of that kind of abandonment, it is natural that people must take care of themselves as first priority on the basic leve and I should never ask anyone to compromise that. That is, if people have extra and I am suffering with not enough to live, then I may judge that. But if I am suffering, and someone would suffer more by trying to help....i accept it as ideal in the same way that I don't believe I should have to give away my boots.

I do question this. It isn't final. But currently it makes the most sense. To go the other way....I think I'd have no reason to say no to anything anyone wanted from me. I reserve the right to say no to people if I feel they are going to hurt me in such a way as prevents me from living. But if I can give and live, at the same time, I'll always prefere that. The amount I need, per se, is not a lot. But it is something.

Again....it could be judgemental of me...but I feel that many seek to hoard wealth beyond what they need to feel life is livable. And I do not see that as ideal.

I can sort of "feel" my beliefs are artificially imposed. It doesn't, ironically, come easily to my my basic survival first. But the other choice is destruction.


----------



## CECIL

Spirit said:


> I remember the last time that I was in that place of self destruction and disolution....I can never ever be that horrible to myself ever again ,those emotions are mundane and to me as such have no "real" part in reality.


I can really relate to what you say about the inner child and especially about bullying yourself. Over the years I internalised the people that would bully me. It took me a long time to realise it but I was basically doing to myself every day what they had done to me in the past. I've worked on it over the years but obviously I'm still not there yet, so I have some more work to do.



> Today I am wearing a velvet black skirt with black lace around the bottom ,knee length,black tights with white fishnets over the top,a black long sleeved tshirt with a stripey black and white vest top over the top,and goth boots I also have purple highlights in my long black hair.


HOT! :shock: Pics please :lol: :lol: 



> Im me i love being me my energy flows freely and I would not now change it for the world just because somone elsae didnt like it because I am not them.We musnt give our power or energy away like that,its the key to being happy.


Ah very well said. I strive for the same confidence within myself but at times like these it seems distant and unreachable. I'll get there.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

pm


----------



## Rozanne

Thankyou for your length and abundant reply, Spirit....I really enjoyed reading that. And it's quite comforting in a way to know I'm not the only person who is attending to this self-destructive thing. I'm kinda comforted that someone's saying: drop the guilt, it ain't helping anyone! I feel that was the real message of Christianity anyway ...if only more people believed that. Christ didn't die for people to make them guilty, but to rejoice that he didn't consider us any less for our greediness but forgave.

Another thing I STRONGLY believe is that guilt actually breads sin. That is, I believe that only people who are internally conflicted over sexuality and money need excesses of either, for confirmation of self. That is....I see the body in its natural state as able to live quite joyously in ways that, ironically, are considered quite "ideal"> that is one partner, fewer excesses. I think a lot of it comes from feeling that there isn't enough. Guilt is an emotion of feeling one isn't enough. And for sure, the more naughty, secret and dark one's sexual desires are, the more power of compulsion they have over the self. If you don't feel sex is dirty, but understand it is completely pure and innocent ...why do it compulsively? It stops being an addiction and source of hate....gosh...

I'm not quite there yet, but I know that a lot of these internal dramas come from feeling something is bad. Like enjoying things....even food. I tried to not enjoy food for ages. Just wouldn't allow myself to eat stuff I liked etc. Thought I was doing something good. All it taught me is that I'm an idiot with major earth issues!


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

You know Spirt I have to be honest............. I don't really like communicating with other people though blocks of text, but when I was reading your post above I got to this paragraph and really felt you were angry, like there was more to it, something unsaid.

*Points to quote below*

In my opinion there is a big difference between a relationship and a friendship. When you commit to one person you see a lot more of them, I don't mean you see them everyday I mean you see a deeper side of them, you see them unmasked. You say you don't need special someone to fulfill yourself, and you think that it is all just crap.
Its not about fulfilling yourself, its sharing yourself and growing together.
You can choose to have children and love them, help them find themselves. I used to think the same way as you when I was a lot younger but I have been with the same women for nearly 20 years now and we have a bond that I don't share with friends.
It really isn't a load of crap.
You can still keep your identity in a relationship, even after 20 years.
I was lucky I guess, I found someone who I can see myself with for a long time. It is true _some_ relationships are just crap but not all.

I think one of the things that has worked for us is that we don't put conditions on each other, we don't limit each other's ideas, we help each other explore them.
I would never try to change the women I fell in love with, maybe 10 years ago :lol: but not now.
Even back then I wasn't really trying to change her, I was just trying to get her to agree with me because If she didn't I had this ridiculous idea that she wouldn't love me as much if we had different opinions :lol: yes, I can laugh at it now, but she helped me find the humour in it. :wink:

The truth is we disagree on loads of things, but it's OK, we have something that goes beyond that.

I have to agree with you on valentines day though. :roll:

Greg.....


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

I feel it is a form of emotional maturity to admit the need to share love regularly with someone you know and trust. And to feel that a commitment has been made towards your happiness, that a "beautiful blonde" or "ravishing brunette" isn't enough to pull that persons attention away from your internal wholeness, which is important to them....as well as being able to share love mutually and what wholeness for the other person as well.

There are also a lot of ego-slaying things in relationships. Like learning to love another person even though you know they have been touched by the love of others in the past, or even currently. And also recognising the need to support that person, and not stand in their way. And accept their issues/ communicative difficulties. Sharing your own secrets and accepting love from that person. These are the things I think are good about relationships. I don't think it matters if it lasts or not, in a way. If it works, even slightly, for a day then life has been changed.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

Writing about that friend wasn't aimed at you Spirit. It was just _ONE_ example of how I feel nature often shows herself to be dominant.

If you don't feel yourself to need love/affection from a partner who is commited to you.. is it ideal? IMHO....it's definately not ideal for women who genuinely need the groundedness/support of a bloke.

...don't take this the wrong way Spirit. It's purely about my own feelings/thoughts. I've always thought I wish I was more independant... grew to resent men especially due to my feelings of being unattractive. 
But I've opened up to my truth....I am a man's woman....The only thing that could ever stop me from being in a relationship would be self-worth issues (not feeling worthy of love), or not being attractive to one to gain his support. I hate the way nature is so ruthless....but I also want to submit to it and trust it is for the best.


----------



## Guest

A discount can be arranged.



Spirit said:


> I havnt had sex in year and a half ,dont feel the need...,so nor am I premiscuous.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

What's Nigel's number?

Only joking.

I'm not ashamed to say that I need the love/physical contact/healing of a relationship with someone else who has healed enough themselves to not be a hassle lol....I think a long term relationship has conditions cos it isn't only about love/acceptance but also whether it can "work". Main thing is to have a similar life aim. Then you aren't working against each other.

I would rather be alone than be with most people. As with the "life purpose" thread...it would hurt a lot to be in a negative relationship; definately not worth the time, hassle and emotional strain.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

I dont mean to hijack my own thread here :lol: kidding

but by me be able to constantly be able to feel everyones energy its alot to deal with. so ive been trying to stay "inside my skin" so to speak.

but the question i had was - what is the name of this gift? so i can look up on it


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

thats fine with me. tell me what do you think is going on with me that i haven t been able to take responsibilty for?

is it to start taking the blame for whats wrong with me?
i really dont know how to do that


----------



## Pablo

ihavemessedupdreams said:


> I dont mean to hijack my own thread here :lol: kidding
> 
> but by me be able to constantly be able to feel everyones energy its alot to deal with. so ive been trying to stay "inside my skin" so to speak.
> 
> but the question i had was - what is the name of this gift? so i can look up on it


What you have is no longer a gift, it is perhaps heightened sensitivity but without proper development. Without the growth of mature psychological boundaries it will only be a curse and you will be vulnerable.

Small children living in difficult or hostile environments learn to become very empathetic and sensitive to the people in their environment as a survival mechanism, especially if the people in their lives are manipulating, unpredictable and intimidating, so their sensitivity grows enormously but their normal psychological development is stunted at a very young level without proper boundaries between themselves and the people in their environment. I think you should ask yourself if this applies to you because I know it applies to me.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

ihavemessedupdreams said:


> calling all spiritual people!!
> 
> i wanna post this here because if i post it in the other area people are gonna start calling me insane.
> 
> check out what just happend let me know what you think
> 
> im sitting on my laptop with my little brother and hes on the other pc beside me and where playing a game we downloaded.
> 
> my sister comes in kicks my bro off the computer and sits down beside us. so I let my brother take over my laptop and play the game. now what happens is all of a sudden I see the real me in her big time as soon as she walked in actully and I start feeling extremly uneasy kind of and I get how I got when I smoked a joint about a year ago really jittery. I swear she feed off of all of my energy and used it for herself and kind of "took me and integrated it into herself" obviously she cant steal who i am but you know what im saying?
> like she feed off of my energy and took "me" and integrated it into her so she could have whatever it was of me she wants and whatever the flower* she did I felt like all of my energy was being all directed into her and she was alot like the real me.
> 
> this issint the first time this happend either. and normaly i would get up and give her a nice shot in the mouth but its my sister right
> 
> what do you guys make out of this? before calling me skizophrenic
> I know this type of stuff is possible


Is your sister older than you? I don't think she is taking your energy, the reason I say that is because you said you see the "real' you in her big time. That would suggest you are not being yourself due to the fact you have DP, it would also suggest that you feel uncomfortable being yourself.
When your sister comes in the room and you see your true self in her it makes you feel like shutting down. This is what I think is happening.
I think it's something you should explore. In my opinion, once you feel comfortable being yourself again your DP will disappear. Do you feel uncomfortable being your true self? If you do it would be very beneficial to try and pin point exactly what it is that makes you uncomfortable.
Just a thought..........


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

I do feel uncomfortable being myself but I dont know exactly why.
Ive explored this and I pin pointed about 2 things it could be

1. maybe all the abuse i recived from my stepdad made me hate myself
he hates me because I resemble my dad

2. I hate my real dad and I see alot of him in me so thats why I hate myself

I really dont know. to be honest im really messed up and I have a hard time following what you guys say somtimes.

take note I tryed weed a couple of years ago. (I got dp 7 years ago) it will be my birthday next month
and what I did notice was I became a 100% diffrent person. and this person I became was extremly like my father. During the high I was really jittery 
like my body was fighting what was happning to me. and when I would look in the mirror the high would dissaper and then when I would look away from the mirror the high would come right back fully.

needless to say I was intrested to try weed again because well it made me feel normal and I needed to find out what is going on with me.

So I tryed it a couple more times and every time my body fought it.
But I was able to get to a point where I sort of became comfortable in it. and I even had emotions in it.

but I droped that along time ago I dont wanna do any drugs


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

Pablo

that makes alot of sense actully, becoming extremely sensitive to my enviorment so I can pick up on subtle things and energy to know if im safe or not. That is exactly what happend.

but I dont think ive become vulnerable to it.
because I remember a situation where I almost got stabbed
and I knew he was going to stab me because of his body languge.
so I was able to pretend I was sick without anyone having a clue what was really going on with me. then when we left I told my cousin what just happend. and he couldint understand because he said he didint see it.
altho he was sitting right there the whole time.

Im not 100% sure there could be a possibilty that was all in my head
but I highly doubt it and better to be safe right?

but this guy carried around a huge knife and I think I was right (altho he could of just been pretending to be a certain way everyone knew where I was my cousin was sitting there. So if he was to do that everyone would know.) but again better to be safe then sorry.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

I think ive asked this question before but im not sure
either way I have to ask it again because it has been causing me TREMENDOUS PROBLEMS

DP was bad but it was ok I could handle it nicely
but when I moved into my grandmothers she sent me some type of vibe
and ever since she did this from that day on I cant rid 
of this vulnerable person that comes out alot in my mind and this person is weak and I really hate this person that trys to come out in me.

and its been happning ever since that day she did that to me.

Normaly I would say fuck it but this is bothering me alot it bassicly brought out ALOOOOT of unwanted thoughts and really makes me feel vulnerable.

as a matter of fact if this didint happen I think I would be 90% better off then how I am now. Because BEFORE that day I was still dp'd but ok in it.
but ever since that day she sent "that vibe" to me I have been really messed up.

Ive been thinking and maybe she was trying to bring out somthing in me that she had tried to brainwash me to be. I spent alot of time with her when I was a kid. and she is the type of person who likes to control people and is very maniplative.

this is important to me. so please dont talk down on me, just give me a possible explanation and what I can do to rid myself of it? because it constantly pops into my mind ever since that day and like I said it brings out "somthing" in me that makes me really weak and think of times ive been hurt

and I cant seem to get rid of it


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

double post accident


----------



## Pablo

Spirit said:


> I remember the last time that I was in that place of self destruction and disolution.I remember sitting in my living room extremley depressed,I was being horrible to myself saying in my mind "look what you have done with your life ,its a mess,youve trully screwed it up ,its falling apart theres no going back now..its irepairable..."It was complete self hatred and negetivity,whilst simultaniously at the same time another part of me was trying to get a grip and be compassionate to the situation when all of a sudden a thought came into my head as if I didnt think it[i cant explain it fully] a thought of "just look how horrible youre being to yourself,your a bully"And I burst into tears thaty seemed to come from way deep down inside of me,I curled up in the featal position and sobed for hours.Ive heard people talk about the "inner child" before and to me that is what I feel I connected with.To me the self destructiveness was what feelings I had had as a child......I once remember my mother saying to me "you may as well get pregnant and have a baby,your only 17 but at least then you would be doing somthing usefull with yourself".....And for many monthes even now it has been that child inside me who is finally coming out of her shell,gaining confidence ,growing up,its a continual process of nurturing and intergration.I can never ever be that horrible to myself ever again ,those emotions are mundane and to me as such have no "real" part in reality.
> We must make freinds with ourselves ,nurture ourselves and others,be forgiving and self accepting,its very liberating.We then begin to live from our heart,and do what we want to do not what others feel we should do,we break out societys conditioning that blocks our flow of energy.
> .


Sorry im a bit late on this one but this is a great point Spirit, for a long time whenever I heard people talk about the "inner child" I just thought it was just a load of cheesy bullsht psychobable, but it is through my own discoveries that I found that it is true that we do have "inner child" feelings which have been disowned and they are the gateway to healing. It was very difficult for me to own up to this because ideally I wanted to see myself as a "proper man" ie I wanted to be strong and confident as well as emotioanlly together and tough, kind of like a cross between James Bond and Tony Montana :lol:  and whenever I didn't live up to this image (every day) I would emotionally punish myself and beat myself up, so admitting that part of me was still at the level of a 4 year old child and that I was a lot of the time needy, inscure and weak was incredibily difficult for my ego to take (and im still working on it!), but the only way forwards is to take a step backwards and start to try to re-parent yourself as if you are a young child and give up trying to be anything and try to get to know and embrace the parts of you that your parents ignored or rejected.


----------



## Pablo

ihavemessedupdreams said:


> I think ive asked this question before but im not sure
> either way I have to ask it again because it has been causing me TREMENDOUS PROBLEMS
> 
> DP was bad but it was ok I could handle it nicely
> but when I moved into my grandmothers she sent me some type of vibe
> and ever since she did this from that day on I cant rid
> of this vulnerable person that comes out alot in my mind and this person is weak and I really hate this person that trys to come out in me.
> 
> and its been happning ever since that day she did that to me.
> 
> Normaly I would say flower* it but this is bothering me alot it bassicly brought out ALOOOOT of unwanted thoughts and really makes me feel vulnerable.t


My thoughts on this are that vulnerable person who your grandmother brought out in you is you as much you as the strong you, so try to get to know and embrace the vulnerable you. If you can embrace your vulnerability and direct your hate away from yourself then you will be able to heal yourself. That weak person who tries to come out might even be the "real" you in that it is the younger you without as much defence so by trying to keep that vulnerability down you might be causing all your problems.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

im not saying your wrong here but.... theres 2 things that come to mind after you telling me that could be the real me.

number 1. she brought this out in me, when there was no trace of it before
number 2. if someone is that weak/vulnerable how the heck do they live like that? no-one is like that as far as i know


----------



## Pablo

Im not entirely sure what you mean when you say that your grandma sent you vibes? do you mean that she sent you aggressive angry energy? and unless she actually bullied you I expect what she brought out was always latent in you to be honest, although its hard to really say.

What I do know is that the *only* way to ever really get beyond weakness and vulnerablity is to embrace it, dont fight it and look your fears straight in the eye. Running away and repressing your vulnerability means that you will never have a chance to transform it so it will always remain as it is.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Pablo

Sorry to hear that you are at a low Spirit, I hope you feel better soon


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

double post.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

Meditation is the only time I feel whole. And thats something. The rest of the time... inadequacy. I resign myself to receiving what I can from being here and saying sorry when I don't live upto good. The rest of life and the laws that determine it may as well be written in jibberish as far as I can tell....not to mention the nagging question of "why am I a human being and what am I doing here..When am I going to die and are my teeth going to hurt before I have the money to get em fixed....oh and am I going to have children or is that just another ego desire"...its a pretty endless cycle of unanswerable questions. And whether we should or shouldn't have relationships, and how should we choose partners, to my mind, is just another question that will never be answered...

Just do what you feel and don't look back.


----------



## CECIL

ihavemessedupdreams said:


> but when I moved into my grandmothers she sent me some type of vibe
> and ever since she did this from that day on I cant rid
> of this vulnerable person that comes out alot in my mind and this person is weak and I really hate this person that trys to come out in me.
> 
> I spent alot of time with her when I was a kid. and she is the type of person who likes to control people and is very maniplative.


First up you've gotta explain what you mean by "vibe". Did she say or do something that made you feel different? Was it a conversation she had with someone else? Or just a feeling you got when you saw her?

You say you spent a lot of time with her as a kid and that she is controlling and manipulative. It could be that seeing her again so many years later made you instantly jump back to the person you were then (as a child). Generally we tend to learn to behave certain ways around certain people. So with your Grandmother it could be that you instantly assumed the persona that you thought you had to in order to survive her manipulation and controlling nature. In other words there are energetic connections within you that came alive when you moved back in with her.


----------



## Guest

Spirit said:


> LOL ,sorry.
> borderline pessamism and over dramatism is trully bitting me on the arse this week....
> 
> In fact Ive decided to take some time away from the forum for a while ,untill I feel a bit better.Take care everyone......
> 
> Spirit.


To be honest I am not really sure what you are trying to say here.

You posted a section of my post but you made it sound like "I" was over dramatizing. The thing is you only posted this part.



> I've had bad relationships, and I was angry about them, sometimes I still do get angry. The difference is I don't run around waving placards in peoples faces with sayings printed on them like "Relationship's are crap" & "It's all bullshit" & "you are just going to break up anyway" & "You are all going to die"


When in fact what I went on to say was.



> I am only exaggerating to make a point


Greg


----------



## Guest

ihavemessedupdreams said:


> I do feel uncomfortable being myself but I dont know exactly why.
> Ive explored this and I pin pointed about 2 things it could be
> 
> 1. maybe all the abuse i recived from my stepdad made me hate myself
> he hates me because I resemble my dad
> 
> 2. I hate my real dad and I see alot of him in me so thats why I hate myself
> 
> I really dont know. to be honest im really messed up and I have a hard time following what you guys say somtimes.
> 
> take note I tryed weed a couple of years ago. (I got dp 7 years ago) it will be my birthday next month
> and what I did notice was I became a 100% diffrent person. and this person I became was extremly like my father. During the high I was really jittery
> like my body was fighting what was happning to me. and when I would look in the mirror the high would dissaper and then when I would look away from the mirror the high would come right back fully.
> 
> needless to say I was intrested to try weed again because well it made me feel normal and I needed to find out what is going on with me.
> 
> So I tryed it a couple more times and every time my body fought it.
> But I was able to get to a point where I sort of became comfortable in it. and I even had emotions in it.
> 
> but I droped that along time ago I dont wanna do any drugs


Firstly he doesn't hate you, he hates your dad.
Just because you resemble your dad doesn't mean you are him, your not your dad are you. There are times I hate not only my parents but other people because I see parts of myself in them, but they are only parts of myself. 
I may feel anger toward someone for example, my dad would have acted out on that anger and hurt the person physically that angered him, but I don't, I have learned to contain those feelings and talk about them.
So I may have similar traits to my father but I choose to act on them in a different way. 
I am not my father I am myself and there is no one like me.
When we were kids we mirrored our parents and dealt with situations the same way our parents did, even when we started to mature.
For example, If there was a spider in your house and one of your parents hit the mad button and started to get all uptight, well if you saw that as a young child you would have thought that wow there must be something really bad about spiders and may even go on to develop a phobia of them, You may even carry that phobia through to adulthood. do you see what I mean?


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

what do you want me to tell you bro somtimes i dont fucking understand what you guys are saying

No I dont understand what your saying exactly BUT I do appreacite you writing that out about yourself and attempting to help me.

do you care to put it another way
but thanks for your advice

next time dont be so quick to judge man, the fuck is your problem
we are all suffering here


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

@Spirit

the thing you said about how we draw certain people into our lives or attract is probly a better word you couldint be more right about that
I noticed this alot when I was younger it stoped happning since I got the DP
you said you think its for a life lesson.

I also agree with that

just wanted to point this out because when I read it made alot of sense

@same person I apoligize aswell bro


----------



## Guest

You are somewhat... insane if you truely believe people can STEAL your energy.
The "energy" in your body, the emotions etc, is your nervous system and brain. IT DOES NOT RADIATE ENERGY.
INFACT ATOMS NEVER EVEN TOUCH
So basically, get a fuckin psychiatrist man


----------



## CECIL

Everything radiates energy copeful - we give off body heat amoungst other forms of radiation. And humans, like most things, have a magnetic field. There's even been research recently that shows that cells can communicate via light :shock:

Get with the program dude :lol:


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## CECIL

You got a link for that Spirit? Or do you know what its called?


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

I know exactly what your talking about "im outside of my skin" and I project myself with my mind

this = Everyone can feel me and I can feel them

does anyone understand what im talking about


----------



## CECIL

Are you saying that you can feel other people's emotions and/or thoughts?


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

emotions not thoughts!

but ! i take that back im starting to doubt my sanity, early signs of skiztophrenia???


----------



## CECIL

Nope, its called empathy and its normal. At least it would be if people didn't learn to shut it down from an early age 

The trick then becomes identifying what is your emotion and what is other people's and while its ok to feel other people's emotions, if you take them on as your own then they affect you unnecessarily.


----------



## ihavemessedupdreams

i dont wanna fucking live anymore

im so tired of this shit


----------



## CECIL

Hang in there man. Every crisis is an opportunity to learn and grow. You'll get through this.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## CECIL

Lol yeah its wierd but true. Schizophrenics KNOW that they are sane. Which they are, but that's another argument altogether


----------



## Guest

...


----------



## Guest

HOLY CRAP :?:


----------



## Guest

Do you still feel the same way Spirit?


----------



## Guest

You think too much lady friend :mrgreen: *Rubs head*... I do as well... :roll: *


----------



## Guest

We all do! :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:  :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:


----------



## Guest

...


----------



## Guest

> Trust is a relationship of reliance. A trusted party is presumed to seek to fulfill policies, ethical codes, law and their previous promises.
> 
> Trust does not need to involve belief in the good character, vices, or morals of the other party. Persons engaged in a criminal activity usually trust each other to some extent. Also trust does not need to include an action that you and the other party are mutually engaged in. Trust *is a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party.* Trust is a statement about what is otherwise unknown -- for example, because it is far away, cannot be verified, or is in the future.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_%28s ... ciences%29

You need some one who is willing to give you enough time... and it's most likely they will need time as well... if they care about themselves. If you're able to find trust... you've found a form of love.

It's an easy way out to state that a person thinks too much... although it's easy because those who say it... don't think enough themselves.


----------



## Guest

...


----------



## Guest

Fuck that......pushes them off instead... :? :lol: ...half joking


----------



## Guest

Well quit letting yourself down then you won't need some one who doesn't let you down. The only person who you "need" is yourself... when you have gathered yourself together you can start to piece other people within your love/trust with time. CBT would totally help you change your thinking pattern... you'd be as cocky as me within a year.... I'm damn sexy now because I have damn good taste in men *looks in mirror* although only one man can fuck me... and that's myself :mrgreen:

You know that love some one can give you? Did you know you can feel it for yourself? And it increases when you share it?


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

I love myself as well *looks in mirror*... lol. Nah... I beleive self confidence cause me to feel good about myself while I look in the mirror... I just tend to shout about it because i'm still not used to liking what I see in the mirror... I don't frown any longer... I smile. And I got one sexy smile . "Puts hand up" I deserve it =D... lol. You wanna wash the rules away for a while; have no strings attached etc? Sounds like an idea... you can test the water that way... no need to dive into the deep.

Well I beleive it forms a circle of love... while you focus more on the other person's feelings rather then your own... if you both do this together... you both look after each other, and there's no need to love yourself because some one esle is caring for you.

Takes times... like many things =)


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

Go with the flow while jumping through the fun hoops which are above the water? Sounds like an idea.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

Quit moaning... and safe it for when we meet up... Okies? =P


----------



## Guest

...whatever..


----------



## Guest

I was asking you to keep the moaning for the bedroom dear :wink: :mrgreen:


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

OMG... :shock: you're totally fun! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

I wanna bounce on a grave with you toooo... :mrgreen:


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

One step at the time... although step quicker... i'm getting bored =*(... talk talk talk more more more!


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

Most men would be confused here... although beleive I understand in some respects. I like our PMs... I feel some what connected while we make em etc... most likely you will feel different about them etc... which is fair enough because every one is different. You know how boring this site was when I went on hoilday, because the one and only clown left the site. Well I get bored when you're not around because I really like ya.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

Thank you for making me aware... I'd like to understand buddhism one day myself. It's your path, it's who you are... and that is an understatment to say it's "important"... it's "you". If some one can not accept your path... well... they wouldn't accept you. All I would like is to know how I can avoid upsetting you... I like to make you happy.

I just like how we've been getting along... i've allow my greed to get the better of me. beg your pardon for that.

)Hugs(

Darren.x


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

Yay you wrote me BIG love letter! Me go read now! lol


----------



## Guest

Thanks, I like to cheer you up =).
I can make a fair judgement on what I do not understand. I tend to learn by either watching some one work and I pick it up from them, or listening... i find it hard to learn from reading.. .although I can do it.
*Puppy eyes*... don?t leave Darren cos he?s a clown and doesn?t understand Buddhism =*(... lol. I would really like to meet up so you can go through it with me... then I?d be able to see if it?s for me. That?s if you?d have time for it.

Oh... you?re not like that any how... lol (I only read so much at a time... because I tend to forget when i?ve already read...) 
Yeah... well number 1 shows you respect your surroundings as well as love it. It?s not easy to avoid crushing bugs while taking your dog out for a walk... although if you are aware the bugs are there and you kill them any how... that?s ?no good?. Well done on carrying the spider out... that must have taken you some guts!
I like number two because I?m no longer materialistic... I used to be very materialistic when younger... I just seek love... so afterwards I can share it with others who need it.
Number three sucks... lol.

Hey I like me bitches... I like to be reminded of my lovely twin bitch sis because me loves her to bits =). Each to their own... if you need to be angry at something/someone... find out why you need to be angry and focus the angry on the main topic rather then using it to hurt others who don?t derseve it.

4. Sounds like they have their own views on sex... so say ?go with the flow? and so what happens in nature?s hands.

5. Well it?s game over if you have brain fog... lol. I?m still not fond of drink because it really effects me dr/dp... although I like one from time to time.

I time of need people come together.... when a whole place is weakened... people come together to become strong again... although it?s bonded by love... so a group of weak people might have something I really want in life... i want to look after people I care about, although look after them by joining in and building a shelter, gathering food... knowing how to cook the food etc... I don?t want this live where everything is given on a plate... I want to be in a place where I first of all need to ?make? the place I gather my resources from.

Meow meow! =D


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

Emulated Puppet}eer said:


> *Puppy eyes*... don?t leave Darren cos he?s a clown and doesn?t understand Buddhism =*(... lol. I would really like to meet up so you can go through it with me... then I?d be able to see if it?s for me. That?s if you?d have time for it.


i hear that if you have the mind of boddhichitta you know exactly how to bring the dharma to the followers in a way they understand.


----------



## Guest

Talking on a phone works best for me... or even Skype :mrgreen:


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

I can't take in what you write because most of it I can not read... BUY SOME HEAD/MIC PHONES DUMMY


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Guest

Well you need one of those "Mood" thingy things which should what kinda mood you're in... because if I knew you were feeling sensitive... i'd act differently to avoid upsetting you... although if i act differently and not myself I get pissed off with time... when my bottle is full up that is.


----------



## Guest

God..EGO.....I wasnt refeing to you.,,,just saying in general...


----------



## Guest

What ever  Back massage plaease.


----------



## The Caretaker

&&&&&&&&&&&


----------



## Guest

We arent all confused.


----------



## Rozanne

Spirit said:


> I am actually genuinley thinking about becoming a buddhist nun.I just dont want to shave my hair off...because I would look really silly.


where were you thinking of being a nun?

also i have been very influenced by you writing about Buddhism, it's steared me in that direction more 
and i find now that i use my mind to open my mind whenever i have the oportunity, you have encouraged me
to work harder to strive towards a more open consciousness and to try to overcome my ignorance.

now i feel more dedicated to that, it has become easier to be more honest with myself as well because i know
that you also have problems and struggles you have to deal with and that it doesn't stop you from trying to be
a better Buddhist.

because of my mental fragmentation, i sort of "gave up" on trying to tame my mind, thinking it would never happen.
i am starting to feel a little more hopeful that i can reduce some of the cloudedness of my mind through practises.

i find when the energy is moving out more towards people in the world, instead of recoiling, i feel much more alive 
and the world seems like a better place as well. it helps to remember that there are others out there who are
trying their bests to understand this existance, and be kinder and develop spiritually, overcoming the human condition
little by little each day.


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

oh yeah, you have inspired me with what you've posted on here re: Buddhism. 
i have learned quite a bit, I'd say!
not enough to help me work in an office without grumbling
but now i'm outside, practising patience
and applying my mind to work 
is much more easy.

quick quote:

Eckhart Tolle, Power of Now (the essence of something that book, not exact words)

if you start anything with a negative energy it will eventually be contaminated by it
that then eventually leads to more unhappiness and therefore more suffering
which keeps the cycle of suffering going


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## Rozanne

Dear Spirit...
on the subject of being drained by situations and people

i am on my second WWOOFing placement....and as you can guess, there is "trouble in paradise"
its quite political here, just going to do The Work to gain some personal boundaries.


----------



## Guest

Just be you Rozanne,dont let anyone invalidate you.Take whatever positive you can out of the situation.You are doing this for you not straightjacketed society.And I admire the changes you are implenting into your life,I hope its heling you to feel more confident.

Spirit.x


----------



## Guest

.


----------



## sunyata samsara

ihavemessedupdreams said:


> I know what your saying here for instance before I moved back home I was able to do "pyshic attack" on people I didint do it intentionally either I guess the enviorment I was in made me do this. and then when my stepdad came to pick me up I was doing it to him to. except i wanted it to go away and I couldint make it stop. he could be all the way in the gas station and i was sitting in the van and still like I was attached to his energy feild and completly making him feel what I was sending out.
> 
> and whats fucked up is I couldint make it stop eventully it all stoped when
> 
> it looked like he "stold my sense of self" and mirrored it onto him"
> 
> now im back home and ive turned to mush. I think whats really going on here is Im adapting so well to my enviorment that I make myself a certain way to keep everything comfortable for everyone. and I think i do this for my mom.
> 
> this all soundes crazy even when im writing it theres a part in me that goes "yeah ok mark" but this shit did happend and I know its real because I was closer to reailty and fixing in that time that I just described up there. and you can see these type of things alot easiyer when your "beter or almost better" you know.
> 
> either way im glad I got people here that know what im talking about
> 
> im gonna go look up what you said.


I get rushes of bliss daily and it feels awkward to do that around others so i dont. If i have to suppress it it gives me a huge desire to cry but i dont. One day sittin by my mom i repressed the bliss and had the urge to cry yet didnt and she started crying for no reason. I guess emotions are contagious. I once had my dog on my lap as i was surging the bliss in my body and my dog started twitching like she didnt know how to deal with the energy.


----------

