# Apathetic



## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm quite afraid that my depersonalization and whatnot is becoming worse. I still feel my numb, hypoemotional self but I think that this disorder has advanced itself. I don't care much about anything anymore, and the things that I do care about are things that are related to me in some form or another. It's gotten to the point where I have to pretend to be excited or happy or saddened about something. While there are people that I do have concern for, I'm mostly apathetic to people that aren't in my "circle". Insults don't hurt me anymore, and it's like bullets ricocheting off a bulletproof vest. Pretty much got told to die in a fire yesterday and I didn't care at all. While there's a part of me that believes that some of the symptoms can be useful, I hate living like this so much and I want to go back to the way I was. But I suppose it's too late now. I grew up too fast and ended up getting fucked in the head.

Oh well. I guess I'll adapt to this somehow.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

It certainly is a strange sensation to feel absolutely nothing..


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## Lexy13 (Jul 31, 2016)

I relate to you and empathesize. I don't feel and think much aside from feeling scared. It's an old trauma that repeats itself. And repeats itself. Leaving no time for anything else. 
I want to believe there is a way out. I really do. But so far after a year there hasn't been.


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## MichaelTheAnhedonic (Aug 31, 2016)

Yup... my apathy is insane. Another insane thing is that I can write this on forum even though I don't care about everything. It's weird.


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2016)

I have to make myself care or get excited about most things. I "play the part" publicly. There are very few things that I actually 100% care about.


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## Lexy13 (Jul 31, 2016)

I had a btr day today. I didn't think about my spaciness as much, even tho I was, and I felt useful which is a novel feeling for me lately. I won three games at pool. And just felt a little btr. Asking for what I want and allowing myself to feel connected helped. Also, having a similar work environment made me feel safer. I didn't feel organized in my thinking but I felt less critical. And useful.


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## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

Thank you all for your replies; it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one that has gone through this symptom.



Lexy13 said:


> I had a btr day today. I didn't think about my spaciness as much, even tho I was, and I felt useful which is a novel feeling for me lately. I won three games at pool. And just felt a little btr. Asking for what I want and allowing myself to feel connected helped. Also, having a similar work environment made me feel safer. I didn't feel organized in my thinking but I felt less critical. And useful.


I'm glad that you're feeling better, Lexy! It's always nice to have better days.


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