# seriously considering giving up



## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

i jus dont know what to do anymore. every single day for me is just a massive struggle for me i dunno what to do about it anymore, i want to kill myself to stop the fear i live in everyday i just dont know what else i can do to stop this problem, ive tried everything im so scared.


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## alexandra23 (Dec 15, 2008)

I feel the same way sometimes but you can't let these thoughts get the better of you, you only have one life. do what makes you happy, be with the ones that you love and know that you will get through this. if there was no suffering, the good times wouldnt be enjoyable because youd have nothing to compare it to, thats how i try and think of it. we are all here for you!


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## PositiveThinking! (Mar 5, 2010)

dancingwobbler said:


> i jus dont know what to do anymore. every single day for me is just a massive struggle for me i dunno what to do about it anymore, i want to kill myself to stop the fear i live in everyday i just dont know what else i can do to stop this problem, ive tried everything im so scared.


I know how you feel, atleast I did a few weeks back, I'm feeling way better now, but tell me something, do you ever have fun with friends or play games or just do something to distract yourself? I know that sometimes DP/DR can get so bad that no distraction can make it go away, but it works once in a while


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## never_giving_up (Jun 23, 2010)

dancingwobbler said:


> i jus dont know what to do anymore. every single day for me is just a massive struggle for me i dunno what to do about it anymore, i want to kill myself to stop the fear i live in everyday i just dont know what else i can do to stop this problem, ive tried everything im so scared.


We all feel like this at times. Of course it's your choice if you want to end your life or not but as someone who has been through some intensely horrific times I can tell you that recovery is possible and things do get better. This is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do but once you start to feel a little better you'll know it was worth it. You have to believe that change is possible.


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## optimusrhyme (Aug 24, 2004)

dancingwobbler said:


> i jus dont know what to do anymore. every single day for me is just a massive struggle for me i dunno what to do about it anymore, i want to kill myself to stop the fear i live in everyday i just dont know what else i can do to stop this problem, ive tried everything im so scared.


Im with ya. I dont know what to ssay because im stukc in the exact same situation.
Suicidal thoughts haunt me everyday. Death would be soo peaceful, an infinite escape, no more mental problems.
But at the same time taking your own life is selfish and its not an honorable way to go out.
All I can say is roll with the punches. if life throws punches throw punches back.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

the problem im having with whatever is wrong with me is that it is totally fucking my life up. I dont do anything anymore, im supposed to be at college but i cant read or sit in lectures. My levels of depression are just ridiculous, i just dont see the point in trying to move on, i take a step forward and this shit prevents me from maintaining. I have a professional to talk to about all this but at the end of it all i am getting worse. This is just like a massive nightmare, latley i have been feeling things i cant even explain. im 23 and there is no way i will be able to have a life like this, i dont want a life like this its just a pointless and painful experience. im so tired of feeling like this, i just want to be normal but i know this will never happen, it cant, ive literally tried everything except a labotomy or really old type antipsychoitcs. and i understand what people are saying about learning to accpet it but you dont understand what this is like, for me its very disturbing, its not like panic and anxiety its like dread confusion and complete feelings of hopelessness and loss.

im just praying that there is something out there that can get me back to place where i can operate, so i can at least try to live.


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## koastN (Sep 26, 2010)

dancingwobbler said:


> the problem im having with whatever is wrong with me is that it is totally fucking my life up. I dont do anything anymore, im supposed to be at college but i cant read or sit in lectures. My levels of depression are just ridiculous, i just dont see the point in trying to move on, i take a step forward and this shit prevents me from maintaining. I have a professional to talk to about all this but at the end of it all i am getting worse. This is just like a massive nightmare, latley i have been feeling things i cant even explain. im 23 and there is no way i will be able to have a life like this, i dont want a life like this its just a pointless and painful experience. im so tired of feeling like this, i just want to be normal but i know this will never happen, it cant, ive literally tried everything except a labotomy or really old type antipsychoitcs. and i understand what people are saying about learning to accpet it but you dont understand what this is like, for me its very disturbing, its not like panic and anxiety its like dread confusion and complete feelings of hopelessness and loss.
> 
> im just praying that there is something out there that can get me back to place where i can operate, so i can at least try to live.


same here. am out of college for this horrible horrible derealization. couldn't do my work or even walk to the dining hall cuz i felt "woozy", "high", panicky. 
my college is just 4 hours away from here. and i feel like im an alien there. only 4 hours. and i was just a MESS.
please to let you know you are not alone!!

i go thru this every. single. day. so please don't feel like you're the only one. we can do this! even though i don't recognize myself all too much!, i'm unhappy!, unmotivated most of the time, BUT i'm still going to push this through!!!! it may not come tomorrow. but as long as it comes, i'm going to keep pushing. even every little bit hurts. 
I hope you can do the same. 
I get discouraged all the time. I'm still like that, i'm not going to lie. it sucks a whole lot. sometimes i have to yell at myself to stop being negative about recovery. or every set back. i had a MAJOR set back due to a migraine i guess. DEPRESSED OUT OF MY MIND. DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL. i know that it was not me to be like that. but i know this is my life, and i'm taking this time to take care of ME. I hope you do the same! i hope you use your time wisely and happily. 
you can talk to me. we can walk through this NIGHTMARE together.
stay positive. don't give up.
exercise, stretch, drink plenty of water.


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## Bosko (Nov 9, 2007)

i feel like ive past a point of no return. Id rather be dead than alive and i mean that. Scariest thing is that now i can actually see the advantages of being dead. I cant believe what im saying but i cant take this anymore. i just wanna drive a bullet trhough my head, to stop this all.


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## Ivan Hawk (Jan 22, 2010)

I feel you. It's not so much our problem entirely, but it feels like a problem with the way of life in the place we live. I feel like I have an abnormally low ability to ignore truth in the world myself.

One thing that brings me down is having so many things that distort true survival. Marketing telling us false things needed to survive and crap like that. I hate when that is too prevelant- so much I watch less tv in general, skip over ads in reading material and change the radio during their messages from sponsors. What ever happened to trading goods and services without money? Seems like an increasing number of things are traded for money as the world economy grows more expensive. Hah, I won't even go into the virtual and false (perceptually managed) reality presented in the media influenced by the profit motive in money. It's scary stuff, really is.

I hope you get through this. I still get the blues time to time every so often, but I've definitely had some times (sometimes several months) were I was just absolutely at the bottom of the deepest depths of the ocean. Absolutely dead inside, already gone. But then I got up, got back out there, focused more on what mattered in my life - regardless to what was just required. I figure, I'm not a huge fan of living, but I still want to enjoy it as much as possible and maintain a circle of care and trust around those that really do matter through unquestionable mutual benefit. Understanding more and more of the absolute empirical reality behind my situation is also comforting. It seems like the reality is what's painful _at first_, but understanding more and more aspects of the reality allows you to take further control of it too and make things work "better" for you in your life.

That extra control provided through holding extra awareness and knowledge of your current situation can get you through this. I feel like I know what problems I have, but I also know what advantages I have in the world too. My problems are less common, but my abilities are also less common according to my observations of other people throughout my entire life. Is this how you feel too? Do you have certain unique and less common abilities? They can compensate for your weaknesses. Embrace them!



koastN said:


> i had a MAJOR set back due to a migraine i guess. DEPRESSED OUT OF MY MIND. DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL.


I also had a major set back earlier this year too and... it was hard. One of the hardest times in my life. I didn't get to transfer over to a university for the spring (complex situation - grades were above average), so I was stuck looking for temp work instead. Well, it was horrible. I finally found something by April though and didn't get to really start till May. Wasn't the best job, but it got me out in the world again. I still remember how happy I was to just have "SOMETHING" after what was such a dull beginning of the year. Woke me up to new things. Gave me enough courage to set my horizons further and apply for grants to a private college and...what do you know...things worked out. Back in school, the depression is way lower. Being idle caused the worst depression of all. I say we gotta get out there and physically make an effort to survive in order to... mentally survive.







It's busy, but it's a "good" busy. Whether it's work or college or surviving in the wild - it's the added adventure that counts. Things "are" better when your less idle. That about sums it up. Being a part of something.


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