# Just need to say this - how *I* feel



## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

It's just not right. I never sMoked, never drank, never skipped class. I've never done anything illegal, never done something I wasn't supposed to do, Never did anything bad or wrong and yet I'm in a worseplace then almost anyone who is in this place from doing explicitly illegal things. The rediculiusly ironic part, it's 10 to 1, at least, easier and cheaper to get treatment if youve done drugs. There's all thus funding for substance abuse, even a bunch of places that treat trauma *if* you also have a drug problem. Half a dozen programs. In this country treat trauma with insurance, another dozen, cash only with minimum rates of 30, 50 grand and more. Asking someone with my income to pay 50k is like asking someoen who makes 200k to pay one million dollars, I did the math. Treatment for complex trauma disorders in this country should be free, for everone. This is rediculius. Unacceptable.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Go mock someone else's posts.


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## Guest (Nov 20, 2011)

Kate I will give you one piece of advice that has always followed me thru out life.... LIFE ISNT FAIR.


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## Tandem (Oct 20, 2011)

You're not the only one that got here from trauma. Don't feel alone. And those who got in this position from substance abuse have probably gone through trauma in their life too - they just didn't happen to get DP'd from it.

DPDR is the same thing whether or not you get it from drugs. The only difference is that you have this mental blockade from a tragic experience. It's a lot easier to treat someone who doesn't have to take the time to get over something huge, and that's a likely reason as to why there is a cheaper therapy for substance abusers (to be fair, some people got here from prescription drugs and/or medical marijuana).


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## Depersonal Eyes (Oct 10, 2011)

it's not fair, I agree. I never did anything illegal either, except for the one tmie I smoked weed and got DP. Not fun.


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## anarkii (Jul 2, 2011)

willber said:


> Kate I will give you one piece of advice that has always followed me thru out life.... LIFE ISNT FAIR.


this ^

also you sound like a spoiled brat for claiming you have it worse then other people here. You are still alive and whining so you're doing fine.
even more, illegality has nothing to do with it. No one "deserves" dp. Most people did NOT get it from drug ABUSE, but simply from drug USE which are two entirely different things.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

kate_edwin said:


> It's just not right. I never sMoked, never drank, never skipped class. I've never done anything illegal, never done something I wasn't supposed to do, Never did anything bad or wrong and yet I'm in a worseplace then almost anyone who is in this place from doing explicitly illegal things. The rediculiusly ironic part, it's 10 to 1, at least, easier and cheaper to get treatment if youve done drugs. There's all thus funding for substance abuse, even a bunch of places that treat trauma *if* you also have a drug problem. Half a dozen programs. In this country treat trauma with insurance, another dozen, cash only with minimum rates of 30, 50 grand and more. Asking someone with my income to pay 50k is like asking someoen who makes 200k to pay one million dollars, I did the math. Treatment for complex trauma disorders in this country should be free, for everone. This is rediculius. Unacceptable.


Fairness doesn't play into real life. You just have to take what you've got and try to make it better.

I too have DP from abuse - it is so engrained that didn't even know it. Just that something 'felt' wrong and different than other people. It takes time and is up to yourself. Unfortunately it isn't easy to change self. I see much with my mind but to get the heart to change is like pulling teeth ... uugh!

Also, I have DR from accidental poisoning. A freaky, weird situation that wasn't my fault. And as only a few got sick, those who didn't, look at you and essentially say, "don't make your problem my problem".

So, my reward for living a clean honest life is to be half-human and have brain damage. And the 'thumb screw' to it is to be fully aware of just how damaged I am - intellectually it is all there (just get real tired after an hour or so).

Right now, my insurance doesn't pay for 'mental health issues' (in a state that mandates it - go figure). And it always tries to redefine organic brain injury to what they don't cover. Always a paperwork fight...

I realize this isn't a cheery report. Just want you do know you aren't alone. Never tried drugs. Never tried to be mean to anyone. This is my reward ... lol.

Can only recommend cultivating positive feelings (or at least attitude). Try to enjoy humor. Try to hang with some friends who give you acceptance.

As for meds, don't know what you have tried or what your exact symptoms are. (Sorry, over extended myself a couple of days and memory is kind of fried)

As for therapy - you don't need the worlds best experts or clinics. You need love and compassion. The soil of being a human needs care, smiles, acts of kindness, and to be treated with dignity. All the more if you have 'complex past trauma'. You know, even meer animals respond very well to being granted respect and dignity. It engenders trust and fondness. How much more so ourselves.

While it has somewhat a religious bend, some of the books of Robert Wicks are helpful. They seem to come down to learning to accept yourself and center/ground in this way.

Perhaps I am just a simpleton, but simple things can mean the most. Look at some nice pictures. Appreciate what you like and want to be. The past may be our foundation (and hard to escape) but new foundations can be made - seek enthusiasm as a young child and rebuild from there. Know that your post in the forum are appreciated.

Hope this helps...


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

Visual said:


> Also, I have DR from accidental poisoning.


What happened? Thats crazy.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

Ok, first ,"life isn't fair" all on it's own is not "advice"

I didn't say I have it woes etheneveryone, just that I am on the more severe end of this. Not all my feelings have anyhintg to do with anyone here as a person, it's not personal.

And there is a big gaping difference in the amount of treatment available for drug problems, I've more then looked into it.

Injustice needed to say what I was thinking


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## Guest (Nov 20, 2011)

kate_edwin said:


> Ok, first ,"life isn't fair" all on it's own is not "advice"
> 
> I didn't say I have it woes etheneveryone, just that I am on the more severe end of this. Not all my feelings have anyhintg to do with anyone here as a person, it's not personal.
> 
> ...


Kate, you will never recover from this just because your attitude is so damn negative... I think you would find if you took your guard down a little, and just tried to think more positive that you would see better results, it seems all you do is pump your self full of meds and hope that it "cures" you.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

I in no way soley rely on medication, thanks. I work very hard in therapy, I'm going to talk to. Another one who does more energy oriented methods, hoping that might do something. Relying on medication for a trauma disorder wouldn't work, meds can't heal. And I beleive thuroughly in mindfulness , need to work more on affirmations and such. Just becaue I pos one negative sentiment doesn't mean that's all I am.


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## derkdiggler (Oct 19, 2011)

just sittin here with my popcorn enjoying the dp show


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

ya, life is not fair at all. No such thing as being rewarded for being a good person.

U got DP, u don't deserve it... but people with terminal cancer don't deserve that either. However, they all die long before us. We are offered a lifetime to complain and fight... and I'm not gonna complain about that.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

this can be deadly too


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## PhoenixDown (Mar 3, 2011)

Ya, in some respects I think of DP as terminal. In that I think there is high risk of suicide, and a quick disintergration of health.


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

PhoenixDown said:


> Ya, in some respects I think of DP as terminal. In that I think there is high risk of suicide, and a quick disintergration of health.


Agreed. Im really considering the ayahuasca. Hell, even if in my journey it doesnt cure my dp but gets me to be the HAPPIEST PERSON WITH DP ALIVE EVER IN THE UNIVERSE... ill settle for that.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

newyork said:


> Agreed. Im really considering the ayahuasca. Hell, even if in my journey it doesnt cure my dp but gets me to be the HAPPIEST PERSON WITH DP ALIVE EVER IN THE UNIVERSE... ill settle for that.


substances dont make people happy. meds dont make people happy. people make themselves happy


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## Quifouett (Sep 13, 2011)

Meds can help you find happiness


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

kate_edwin said:


> substances dont make people happy. meds dont make people happy. people make themselves happy


If it can help me find a path to happiness, even if that path is to fully ACCEPT that I may have dp forever, than that would be lovely. Never said the substance itself would automatically make me happy, you assumed that.


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## Visual (Oct 13, 2010)

newyork said:


> If it can help me find a path to happiness, even if that path is to fully ACCEPT that I may have dp forever, than that would be lovely. Never said the substance itself would automatically make me happy, you assumed that.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

You're assuming I'm assuming


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