# Questions For Recovered



## Juniormafia (Jan 25, 2012)

hello everybody im really happy to be in this website

first off sorry for my bad english cuz im from Paris

I have some questions for people who are already recovred !

1- did you recovred from DP at once ? ( like you wake up someday and you feel normal like before DP )

2- are there any signs of recovery ?

3-i don't take any medcs or suplements im just trying to live my normal life and forgeting this trouble despite of its symptoms ! Am I in the good Track of recovery ?

4- Can cigarettes affect DP ? (for smokers)

5-why there are some people who have DP for 10 years and 20 years before recovery and others who have it for short time ? it depends to what ? and what is the difference between them ?

Thank you for answering ! it will helps others and me a lot !


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## Dpcantstopus (Oct 11, 2011)

Juniormafia said:


> hello everybody im really happy to be in this website
> 
> first off sorry for my bad english cuz im from Paris
> 
> ...


what happened to the old reply on here? it was so helpful! i guess the person took it off


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## drose (Dec 31, 2011)

Hmm... thought I just replied to this a few days ago. Did it not post? ?


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## ValleyGirl (Nov 10, 2017)

Dpcantstopus said:


> what happened to the old reply on here? it was so helpful! i guess the person took it off


 It's right here http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/30593-questions-for-recovered/ . He posted the same topic twice.


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## kanda (Feb 8, 2012)

Hey there,

I have just recently recovered almost 100% so I thought I would share sort of my experience and maybe some tips that may help you in your own journey towards getting back to the range of colors you used to experience and maybe share some personal perspective which may actually give you an optimistic view of your current reality.

First I'll answer your questions

1- did you recovred from DP at once ?No, for me, it was sort of like walking up a series of stairs,a very gradual type of thing, with obvious platforms of progress. When I first "broke" into DP/DR it was HORRIFYING and it took me initially a while to calm down and accept my reality,a month or two at least... accept that everything felt like cardboard...every minute I felt on the brink of my last few minutes of life, it was that much anxiety. I worked on relaxing and generally learning to live with seeing the world very 2-d very objectivly over 6 months period of time, and I continued to learn how to adapt into this new world. I accepted that I wouldnt have access to these things and I just learned to work with it and really just slow down and go into the dip, go with the downstream. I worked with it, even though it felt more natural to fight it. During the two years I had DP, I graduated (barely) I moved across the country by myself with no money, not knowing anyone, and ended up getting myself a job, starting my own business on the side, working towards my true life goals( unrelated to all of the former) and setting up an apartment, no matter how haphazardly and disabled and unclear and lost in the void I felt, In a weird way I don't think I could have done any of this WITHOUT my DP, as all of these HUGE and stressful life- changing growth events would have caused me too much anxiety, but going through it, while extremely difficult, I felt that being lost in the whole process WAS the PROCESS, and being so blind to threats, so numb to stimulation, not caring what people thought and not feeling differences too harshly in my environment were all huge plusses in my life in going through this huge transistion which I couldn't have been able to process on my own iwth all my raw vulnarbility and naturally- connected intense feelings. Not having those feelings at those crucial points of upheaval were extremely helpful and advantageous. And in a weird way I am really greatful for that. So first off, know that there is a reason you are depersonalized, and do realize that it is a protective mechanism, no matter how frustrating and confusing it all feels in the moment. Realizing that helped me progress through it tremendously. I also learned how to trust my environment and my body and myself. When I needed to cry, It would come for me and it would be accepted. When I wanted to cry ,but couldnt get there, I just accepted that maybe it wouldnt happen and moved on. I am in a pretty unstable place, its in a low income area, not alot of nature (I used to live in Eugene, OR, so it was definitely a complete adjustment for me moving to inner city philadelphia...)All in all it gave me BALLs, and I didn't look back, right when I needed that ability.

2- are there any signs of recovery ? For me, when I first started really recovering back to full emotional clarity and feeling the changing of the seasons again, feeling the colors and sensations and smells and "etheral essences" of everything that was lost- really came in spurts and jolts. I remember really feeling relaxed about my life one day and I went on a walk and then I started feeling like reality was ASSAULTING ME!- it was penetrating into me, taking off my clothes and comin in. It was extremely intense having reality come back to me, it was horrifying, I felt alot of anxiety, walking down the street and suddenly realizing that all the details of the buildings on the street and the sun where comin in towards me, jumping out, becoming 3-d again. I have never felt so exhilerated like that before. It was terrifying though and I did have to pull myself aside and just breathe through it. I was comin out the other side and it felt very very vulnerable. Like standing on stage at the super bowl naked or just being opened up. It was very radical. But I breathed through it and was talking to myself through It saying "I trust my body, I am ok, nothing can hurt me. Just breathe. Its returning this is a good thing. One moment at a time, let it in, its ok, its not hurting." It took alot of courage, and I advise the same. BREATHE, take it in very slowly, its horrifying, but its ok. Again, this is my personal experience I dont think its always this horrifying to everyone.I noticed after that, that I would feel different every day some days I would feel 60% to normal, maybe 85% to normal. And I would go to work, or do something routine and it would return to sort of a blur. But then I noticed one day that reality started to stick around. like for hours. A whole day. A weekend! and I started to notice that I could feel my body again, like early in the AM, I could feel my muscles feelin all rested and comfortable, and I could smell the nuance of my room and feel the season with the light in my window. It was crazy. Initially I felt really threatened, like someone you loved died and then you spent all this time adapting to them not being here and then one day they come back out of nowhere and you are kind of pissed like "I just spent all this time adapting and now you are back? Do I trust you? Will you leave again?" but eventually that warped into "oh my old friend is back! This is so pleasant, this is what I have been waiting for!" but then the big leap came just this last week for me when I literally felt my switch "click" back. It literally was a specific moment in the middle of the day, I was thinking thoughts about where I needed and have been wanting to be in my life and it was literally a light at the end of the tunnel moment and bam. I can feel. I am back. I can't articulate more than that. It was like reuniting with your mother and she hugs you and its just extreme comfort and feeling restored to a place...and in a way it was and wasnt profound. It was just like oh wow, theres that last 1%. I guess thats it. This feels great.

3-i don't take any medcs or suplements im just trying to live my normal life and forgeting this trouble despite of its symptoms ! Am I in the good Track of recovery ? 
I didn't take any meds. I exercise, sleep ALOT over a consistent period of time, I set up my life to have a really adjustable schedule, with lots of free time to work on my projects and my life, and I eat well and am out and about in the world and working on my goals and being creative helps too! I think setting up your life in a way that really works for your functioning is a big part of it also. Work parttime, be aorund pets, be around people but not so thats its so overwhelming, quiet environments or environments with lots of color, is great. Be out in the world but still protect your self... I meditated a little but I dont always reccomend that as it might be worse if you are already in a blank trance state...

4-not a smoker...

5-why there are some people who have DP for 10 years and 20 years before recovery and others who have it for short time ? it depends to what ? and what is the difference between them ? I have no idea, but for me, what caused my dp was directly related to a series of overwhelming events and upheaval and major decisions I had to make in my life and not being able to and being forced to make them without any support and being alone and just the anxiety from all of that piled up. What helped me was working through those things in my life,in very very very small incremental steps, working with myself, staying true to my goals and dreams (even if they become so abstracted to no longer mean anything.. I just knew in an objective way that if I kept at it, I would soon come to feel better and know I made right steps, even if I couldnt feel anything.. I stayed commited to things I knew I wanted before the DP took me over. I just pretended that they were still my dreams, even if I couldnt feel it. And that commitment has been probably the only sturdy aspect in this whole journey, and through that I am very thankful becuase it has provided for me something that only I can give myself. I also read lots of spiritual/metaphysical/ etc. books and found a stable outlook for my life which has helped guide me also ( but, its NOT religion....) I just learned to work with reality in a way that was beneficial and optimistic, despite feeling so nihilisitc and with no direction and at complete loss, alone and without any similar views to anyone around me. I just accepted it but I didn't dwell on this feeling different. That also helped... I think alot of recovery time has to do with how much courage you have, in facing your own obstacles, in facing yourself, in being honest with your self, in not letting others get in the way of who and where you see yourself as, and not letting their ideas of reality interfere with your own experience. Owning your experience and accepting it has done alot. Not fighting it, and working with it is the best. Just accept that you may not be what you felt in the past. Ultimately I found it to be a very positive thing. I came out of it much more authentic, I leanred alot about myself and the world. I learned what spiritual darkness was so intensely, I learned the depth of silence, I learned that everything is harmless, no matter how harmful it is. I learned that language is meaningless, I learned that objects are meaningless, I learned what matters, what doesn't. I learned what it is to be an apparition of myself and to exist in an identity-less space and the value of that kind of liberation, and what I could do with that. I learned how to see it as a game that had huge advantages. I leanred what beliefs are in the deepest sense, even without feeling or knowing.I learned how to be a blank book, which was a blessing. I had no worries about the world, unlike my coworkers. Nothing would shake me ultimately. There really is a challenge and blessing in the whole thing, no matter how horrible it all felt and seems in retrospect. I believe if you get to the point of recovery, you can know what to look out for, and know that you can live with two different types of perception, each with its own benefits. Even though DPDR is terrible, it is ultimately helpful and there ARE benefits, it is just a different type of armor. IT is protective ultimately. See it for that and work with it and things will be much more smoother for you, stay loose, open ended, optimistic, focus on the small things in life, reading, walking, paying attention to emotions, sleep and food. Its a learning experience.its a listening experience also. Searching to listen within your self. I would rather have that experience than not in retrospect, as I have learned things that I would not have if I stayed "normal". While its not an emotional growth experience, its a different kind of growth experience, one that goes much deeper, more existential. It is life changing. You will see all of this much more clearly when you come out the otherside. Its hard to see this all when you are in it, but when you recover, hopefully you will feel greatful, like I have. Its a good exit strategy.

I hope my sharing of this experience might help or guide you or others reading this. The journey is worth it, its a tough fight but you are stronger than all of it, and it takes time and patience, but I believe in you! Stay connected and trustful of yourself and believe that ultimately in the largest scheme everything is alright and life is still being lived even if you feel removed from it. Take the adventure as a different type of experience. We are experiencing something that many people don't, so see it as (paradoxically) an extra dimension. We just get an extra flavor to taste, even if its a little bitter. We have that experience on our record.

Much love and support to everyone going through this. We are all here together, even if we don't know it. No one is alone.That is truth.
<3 me

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