# The Book of Hate



## Guest (Jun 28, 2005)

At the moment when I created this page, I was consumed with the black flames of pure, vehement Hate. So much so, that I could not bring myself to transform the feeling into words. Therefore, I created this thread for the sole purpose of releasing one's darkest anger and most undying hatred.

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. That means that this is the ultimate angry rant page.

P.P.S. Oh, fuck it, no one ever reads my posts anyway...


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2005)

I HATE EVERYTHING. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Can't you ever think about anything but your insatiable hedonism?

Is life nothing but sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll for you?

Oh, I forgot, you seem to have one more great pleasure in life...

TORTURING ME!!!

Goddamn bastards, what have I ever done to you?

Am I nothing but a source of amusement to you?

Play with me for a while, lead me on, and when you're done just cast me aside like a broken doll?

I guess that's all I am, huh? A broken doll...

Except that I'm broken in the head. Born with a fragmented mind, cast totally asunder by the daily heapings of torment that you burden me with?

To think, that I tried to help bear your cross...when you were the ones who crucified me and then immolated me to sacrifice for Dionysus, or at least the Dionysus within all of you vile, heathen savages.

Committing incest, doing drugs, whoring yourselves, murdering, torturing innocents, and you have the GALL TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY?!

You people sicken me...

Do you have any idea what it's like to be driven so far up the wall that you tear at your own flesh with the reckless abandon of a furious beast?

No, you're the ones who turned me into that beast for your amusement.

Have you no shame in dehumanizing someone who wants to help you so much?

ARGH!!!!!!!!

LIARS!!!!

TRAITORS!!!!

How many times will you come as Judas to my abode?!!

How many times will you put my neck to your sword?

How many times will you excruciate me, tear out what's left of my broken heart, and feed it to your dogs of war?

How many times will you smash my skull against the walls of this prison?

How many times will you let loose the cascade of tears down my face?

How many times will you let the rivers run red with my blood?

I swear, upon all of my suffering, I WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!!

I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE IN FULL MEASURE AND FOR ALL TIME!!!

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. If you have similar feelings, please post here.


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2005)

The Imprisoned One

In an infinite desert of black sand,
stands a pyramid of the deepest obsidian,
standing against the dark flats,
imposing an unholy seat of Hell,
a harbinger of despair.
A despair so great, even the pyramid stands beheaded,
its crowning gold cap floating above it, with an eye on
each face, always open, as if watching...
Watching its prisoner, shackled to it, its spine
bent across the apex.
The Imprisoned One remains somehow alive,
its blood dripping from all of infinite wounds.
Its limbs threatening to tear off, only to be
forever in the clutches of chains.
Eyelids ripped out, it faces the Eternal Eclipse,
unblinking as his eyes burn and his ears burst
from the inexorable screams of pain, tearing
from his parched and dessicated throat, emanating within
his every painful breath of poisonous air, his every painful heartbeat.

"Death would be a release next to this travesty."


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2005)

This Is How Much I Hate Life

How much do I hate life?
Let me count the ways.
I hate it with the length and breadth
of the entire universe.
I hate it with every fiber of my existence.
I hate it with every tear shed from my
burning eyes; with every drop of blood
shed from my corpse.
I hate it with the very core of my being.
With every breath, I scream in pain.
With my every heartbeat, I feel the pain of it;
that which is the most horrible contagion;
the most ruthless killer, the greatest vice;
That, which is the most horrific and
reprehensible sin ever perpetrated
by that which created the 
Ultimate Hell.
Life.
I hate life...


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2005)

A fist of ice clenches my heart,

is there no candle to melt it?

A chain of cold steel is bound to my heart,

to where it drags me ceaselessly...

It drags me to my doom.

I know there is a demon standing before me,

or is it behind? To my right? To my left?

Is it above me? Beneath me? Is it all around me?

It is omnipresent, my shadow threatening to usurp

this vile, wretched corpse.

I see know, it is the demon's own fist,

his other holds the chain.

He drags me to an unknown, ever-shifting

fey ephemeron that is alien and yet

as familiar as my bitter blood.

I AM THE MOST WRETCHED, DESPICABLE, VILE, WEAK,

COWARDLY, STUPID, CONTEMPTIBLE, INEFFICACIOUS,

IGNORANT, FOOLISH, SELFISH, UGLY, DETESTABLE,

WORTHLESS, MEANINGLESS, INARTICULATE, HATED...

I HATE MYSELF!

I hear now, my own screams: SILENCE, FOOL!

I DESERVE EVERY IOTA OF SUFFERING!

From the crucifix that has become my home,

I hang in agony with a black flame as my cloak,

hiding this hollow shell.

I know now, that I am that ephemeron,

I see that mystery that I have cursed for

the entirety of an existence that is

without meaning or purpose...

...just pain.

Fleeting dreams pass by to raise my hopes,

building an ivory tower from which I can

attempt in vain to heal my wounds and wipe

my tears, the tower from which I subsequently

FALL.

Into the abyss I fall, onto the lances of

the legions of those who hate me and harbor

a burning desire to kill me. Please kill me.

The Pain, the suffering, the torment! I HATE IT!

I deserve it.

Somebody, please kill me. I deserve no mercy.

I hate myself, I know you do, too.

Once, I desired to know why you hate me.

I no longer care, since I hate myself, too.

Everybody hates me.

That demon is not a shadow, he is a mirror.

Forcing me to see the truth about myself.

There are no words to describe the horrors

that I see in my reflection, but ripples destroy the picture

as I spit on my own face!

The ephemeron, the demon, the reflection,

my final destination to I am irresistibly drawn,

past the parted ranks of all of those who hate me,

glaring at me with twin lances of sheer spite,

are one and the same.

I deserve no happiness. I deserve not to exit this abyss.

There is no justification for any kindness shown to me.

DON'T BE KIND TO THE STUPID CREATURE says my cage's sign.

I am just a dumb animal, with no rights to speak of, which is why

Everyone can TORTURE me.

My bleeding eyes can see nothing but my delusions.

Is my own existence just my delusion?

Is there no light to shine out in this darkness?

Is there no water to quench the flames that threaten

to consume me?

No, why should there be? I MUST SUFFER!

Pain is not everything, it is the only thing!

The screams that tear from my parched and dessicated throat

carry on the harsh winds only one dirge, aimed clearly at myself:

I HATE YOU!

Only once did my withered heart beat...

I could then see a world of light beyond pearly gates

with emerald fields, and Apollo's golden shafts piercing through

verdant canopies, resting near crystal lakes and cerulean skies.

SHE CAST THAT WITHERED VESTIGE TO OBLIVION

In the empty cavern of this cadaver that once housed my heart,

I can feel that icy fist,grasping upwards, groping my spine,

caressing it in the macabre embrace OF DEATH. It desires

to crush the mush that would bear my mind, but it finds my hollow skull

LACKING.

I have consorted with none other than my own demons for so long,

that I have become one myself. Perhaps, this is why others

look upon me with such passionate hatred. Pray, tell me,

how have I sinned that everything in existence turns on me,

to torture me?

My breath rasps, drinking in poisonous air,

sustaining me only to prolong my suffering.

After all, perhaps I deserve not to die,

but to suffer eternally?

I AM DAMNED

How much do I hate me?

I have let you count the ways.

I am quite confident that you do not

believe contrariwise, since,

You hate me, don't you?

I want to run, like the blood runs from

my eyes, my ears, my mouth, my nose, my pores,

my innumerable wounds. I want to run away from

my eternal tormentor, that accursed, hated torturer;

I WANT TO RUN FROM MYSELF.

I stand, alone, freezing in the harsh, chill winds

that are the turmoil in my mind. I am frozen solid,

unable to move, to speak, to touch, to scream, to run

as I LUST to RUN from MYSELF!

But, there is no escape.

The freezing flames and burning ice of this barren wasteland,

that which is my mind, impede my progress.

What is the point of this struggle?

"GIVE UP THESE VAIN HOPES, RETURN TO YOUR SUFFERING!"

"WE HAVE A QUOTA TO MEET."

I lie here, strewn about a dreamscape of

CRYSTALLIZED PAIN, contemplating -

"WHY DO YOU CONTEMPLATE? YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF INTELLECT!"

- my fate; This is my home, I know no other place for me.

EVERYBODY HATES ME

"I am aware of your presence."

"SO, YOU HAVE SOME WILL LEFT IN YOU."

"You haven't answered my question."

"DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF PRESUMING THAT I WILL HONOR YOUR WILL!"

"I deserve an answer - "

"YOU DESERVE NOTHING BUT PAIN AND MISERY!"

"I know who you are."

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!"

"I know that you and I are one and the same."

"..."

"I know the truth: all exists and exists not simultaneously, transcending both. I know that my world of suffering is the only relevant reality."

"CONCEITED WRETCH..."

"I know that I am the perpetrator of this suffering, however justified it may be."

"..."

"I know that I will conquer you."

"HA HA HA, VINCIT QUI SE VINCIT, EH? BUT, AGAINST YOUR OWN VAUNTED 'TRUTH,' THERE CAN BE NO VICTORY.

ESPECIALLY NOT FOR A NON-EXISTANT INFINITESIMAL SUCH AS YOURSELF."

"I know that 'I' am not axiomatic - "

"THEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE NO HOPE."

" - but, I can also - "

"YOU CAN DO NOTHING! YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO POWER!"

" - retort with a Latin phrase, since you are so fond of them, ''Aut Vincere Aut Mori.''"

"SO BE IT."


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## M A R S (Jun 24, 2005)

I hate OBSESSIVE THINKING and I HATE FEAR OF FEAR

I HATE MY PAST

I HATE WHAT LIFE HAS BEEN TO ME

I HATE THE HAND I WAS DEALT

I think i need to look at my cards again and bluff...

I need to GET A GRIP


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

Uhh....like, I hate stuff....


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

My dad forgot my birthday...not just the day, but the month, and even the year!

He was THERE, dammit...


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

Why do you people drink alcohol?

What the fuck is the matter with you?!


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

Loneliness SUCKS...

But then, so do people, right?


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

I HATE LIFE...

I want out...

Why can't I get out?

You know what else I hate? FAILED SUICIDE ATTEMPTS...


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

WHY MUST EVERYONE TREAT ME LIKE I'M SUBHUMAN?

WHAT DID I DO?

ANSWER ME, GODDAMIT!!!


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

XEPER - You seem angry (Dr. Obvious strikes again).

If these posts are genuine, you need to really evaluate an extremely structured therapy and medication program. Go to a professional with these posts.

I also just read your nightmares in Rainbo's post. If those are your nightmares, you really need to get some quality help.


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

mcsiegs said:


> XEPER - You seem angry (Dr. Obvious strikes again).












:lol: love that pic.

Come on, I had to lighten the mood in this thread!


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

I'M SO HAPPY!!! LIFE IS SO WONDERFUL!!! I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A DAY LIKE THIS ONE, AS MANY DEAR FRIENDS AS I DO, AND I WARM, LOVING FAMILY LIKE I DO!!! LOVE IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FEELING!!! THIS IS JUST SUCH A LOVELY DAY!!! YOU ALL ARE SO WONDERFUL, KIND, AND THOUGHTFUL!!! I LOVE TALKING TO YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! I'M JUST SO HAPPY I COULD BURST!!! THE AZURE SKY SMILES AT ME WITH THE GOLDEN RADIANCE OF THE SUN. THE TREES ARE SWAYING IN A PERENNIAL DANCE TO THE RHYTHM OF THE CLOUDS. POSEIDON'S DOMAIN GLISTENS AND SPARKLES WITH THE CAPTURED TEARS OF JOY OF THE STARS. I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. Could you tell that that post was dripping with sarcasm?


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

XEPER said:


> P.S. Could you tell that that post was dripping with sarcasm?


You broke my sarcasm detector.


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## Monkeydust (Jan 12, 2005)

This is all very Nietzsche.


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

Why don't more people like philosophy?

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. In what way is this anything like Nietzsche? My posts in the Spirituality forum are more like Nietzsche. I am far too pessimistic to be anything like him, although I do enjoy reading his works (relatively).


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

WHY MUST PEOPLE INDULGE THEIR INSTINCT TO AVOID PAIN OVER THEIR RESPECT FOR THE TRUTH?

ARE YOU SO HEDONISTIC THAT YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT THE TRUTH?

WHY MUST YOU PERSECUTE ME JUST BECAUSE OF MY LOVE OF WISDOM?

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. I don't know what the truth is, but I'm not going to believe in something just to make me feel better.


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2005)

XEPER you're not going to win, this thread will remain in some way 'not Dark' :lol:










No one will beat me at posting random shite


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## Monkeydust (Jan 12, 2005)

XEPER said:


> Why don't more people like philosophy?
> 
> P.S. In what way is this anything like Nietzsche? My posts in the Spirituality forum are more like Nietzsche. I am far too pessimistic to be anything like him, although I do enjoy reading his works (relatively).


It's more the style than the content of your writing. Just the kind of elaborate sentences with Nietzsche-esque phrasing, and especially the references to Greek gods, that's all.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

Oh. Thank you for explaining Monkeydust. Now that you mention it, I have to say I agree with you.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

I have no social skills...


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

Love is a bitch and a half...


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

I HATE RAPISTS...

I HATE PEOPLE WHO TORTURE ME FOR NO REASON...

I HATE PEOPLE WHO LACK SENSITIVITY OR UNDERSTANDING...

I HATE OVERPAID ATHLETES...

I HATE PEOPLE WHO IGNORE ME WHEN I'M TRYING TO TELL THEM SOMETHING...(hint, hint...you know who you are...)

I HATE LIFE...


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

IS ANYBODY OUT THERE!?!?!?


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

Why am I always alone?

Damn these people around me; damn these bloody torturers!


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

WHY AM I THIS GODDAMN WEAK!?!?!?


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

WHY AM I THIS GODDAMN STUPID!?!?!?


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

WHY IS IT SO GODDAMN HARD TO JUST DROP DEAD!?!?!?


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

You do not belong to yourself.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

Wow.....you know what I hate *hicup* seeing the bothom off meeay fueruckin withsky bot......... *thud*


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

Ben said:


> Wow.....you know what I hate *hicup* seeing the bothom off meeay fueruckin withsky bot......... *thud*


 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: BWAHAHAHAHA


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

XEPER - you need to put an Avatar up of what you really look like. I am picturing some sort of character-like person (like Screech from Saved By the Bell) who thinks he is really angry, but is just confused.


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)




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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

Well, it's official - my previous post has finally been lost in the netherworld of the post-first page threads. And I do NOT look like Screech! How dare you insult me like that!? I actually DO look like my avatar, except that my irises are red (no, really! I get picked on all the time because of that) and my hair is mostly black (so deep a black, in fact, that it reflects an iridescent blue sheen), although I do have a few white hairs (at EIGHT-bloody-TEEN!). However, I am very scrawny - I currently weigh 107 lbs (and I'm 5'll).


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

XEPER said:


> However, I am very scrawny - I currently weigh 107 lbs (and I'm 5'll).


Hmmm...and you still stand by that you don't look like Screech?

Ok, how about Danny Bodaduche?


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

You mean Danny Bonaduce? I haven't seen him when he was younger...

What I mean is, I don't look like a facetiously minded caricature or stereotype.


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## Axel19 (Aug 11, 2004)

I hate ticket ushers who think that Croissants were invented by the Germans, and stolen by the french.

I hate dustmen who wear unmatching gloves.

I hate it when you put toast in the toaster, only to realise that one does not put toast in the toaster, but bread.

I hate it when people think cows drink milk.

I hate having showers when there is a riot going on.

I hate it when the handles of plastic shopping bags chafe, the chafin gof a thousand starving souls telling you that if the handles chafe then you are eating too much. Perhaps, but the handles still chafe.

I hate watches.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

*sigh*


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

Here is a good way to put a good spin on this thread - "*Bitch about something that has NEVER been bitched about before*"....I'll start it off:

I hate those damn Maxim magazines I see laying about my floor all the time, it's so annoying how those busty brunettes stare back at me with their big blue eyes.

That's the THIRD PHUCKING floor tile I've eaten in the past week - they just don't make these things like they used to.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

Why do I get the feeling that this is going to turn into a clone of the "Say something that's never been said before" thread?


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

I HATE PEOPLE WHO HIJACK MY THREAD!!!


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## Axel19 (Aug 11, 2004)

Especially when they're Middle Eastern with American engineering degress.

But seriosuly I don't really have anything I hate, except of course for dp etc. Hate is a terrible thing, not to be encouraged.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

I hate threads about hate.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

How amusing...


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2005)

XEPER said:


> How amusing...


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2005)

I HATE THOSE GODDAMN XANGAS AND BLOGS AND CRAP!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? I'M GONNA HUNT DOWN EVERY LAST BASTARD WITH A XANGA AND PUT HIS/HER HEAD ON A POLE. EXCEPT A CERTAIN PERSON, WHOM I'M GONNA TORTURE 'TIL SHE BEGS FOR DEATH!!!

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. See "The Agony of Loving" for more information

P.P.S. I'm not actually this violent.

P.P.P.S. I've never actually thrown a punch at anyone before in my life!


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## Ben (Apr 21, 2005)

XEPER, I'm happy for you - I'm just, well, so happy for you....


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## Sojourner (May 21, 2005)

Re Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 1:43 am

I often feel like this.... matter of fact, feeling that way right now and all day....


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

Mr Mole and Ben - I don't know what I'd do in this forum if it wasn't for your light-heartedness and comedy, and I am actually NOT being sarcastic.

Xeper - Time to move on to a "hate" forum somewhere.


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2005)

I think someone wants to die...


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2005)

XEPER can you set your avatar to this?










You know it makes sense.


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

XEPER said:


> I think someone wants to die...


If you are referring to me, bring it on, Screech. From your physical description, I'm pretty confident I can take ya. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Bwahahahaha


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2005)

Just name the time and place.

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. "I know kung-fu..."


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2005)

Oh wait...I misread your post, sorry.

Never mind!

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S.


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## mcsiegs (Apr 27, 2005)

No problem - I am only messing with you anyway. I agree that you bring some interesting discussion to the board.


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## falling_free (Nov 3, 2004)

XEPAR you are quite the drama queen.


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2005)

I HATE PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF ME WHEN I'M SICK!!!

I HATE PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF MY HANDWRITING!!! (Which, by the way, looks like this)

I HATE PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF ME BEING SCRAWNY AND WEIGHING 107 POUNDS!!!

I HATE PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF MY DISPROPORTIONATELY WIDE HIP BONES!!!

I HATE PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF MY WRETCHED FACE!!!

I HATE PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF MY ASEXUALITY!!!

I HATE PEOPLE WHO MOCK MY SUFFERING!!!

I HATE PEOPLE WHO CALL ME A DRAMA QUEEN!!!

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. If you all want me to stop posting and drop dead, all you have to do is ask.


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## falling_free (Nov 3, 2004)

You hate a lot of people....


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2005)

falling_free said:


> XEPAR you are quite the drama queen.


I have to agree with Falling free here.
Are you a boy or a girl, Xeper, I cant quite figure it out?
Wow, you get lots of attention here!

But seriously, what stops you from enjoying life, if only a little bit?


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

i think it's interesting the responses Xeper is getting. because i think a lot of us have been at this point or are at this point, and it's so easy to make fun of because we KNOW what it's like. i would make fun too, but i have already exposed enough of my bitter hate on the www so my cover is blown.

i find that going to movies (of the drama/romantic/comedy type categories) or hell musicals (those really work) helps soothe the rage. seriously. i think xeper the next time you're feeling this way stop and notice the drug like effect the rage has on your brain. i think it releases some chemicals or something...because you do feel this kind of tingling in your head that is so good and numbing that it's like an itch you can't stop scratching. and you really don't hate all the things as much as you say you hate them; its more about getting that rush of rage. that feeling. almost like an OCD thing...you can't stop, you keep trying to reach a higher and higher level of rage. kind of like if an alcoholic told you on monday he was drinking b/c he fought with his wife, tuesday because work sucked, wednesday because work was good, thursday because he made up with his wife, friday because his team lost..it's like he's drinking for every reason possible (much like we rage at every possible thing no matter how far detached from what we're really upset buy)...but he's not drinking (raging) for any of those reasons...he feels the NEED to drink maybe either to prove that "see? reality was too hard to face today" or because he's addicted to the chemical rush or because he needs to self indulge in something to counteract the negativity he felt all day. much of the negativity, by the way, he brought on himself due to faulty thought processes such as:
1) thinking too low of himself
2) expecting total perfection out of others
3) expecting people to understand him without expressing to them exactly what is upsetting him (this is where we want to kill someone...because they have so much power over us because we are afraid or unwilling to go up to them and say "here's what's wrong"..seriously...i HATED my therapist of late before I told her that I wanted to try a different therapist...after i told her how I felt, the mood totally lightened up and I actually benefitted MORE from what she has to say...it is very important to express your needs! One religion's teaching is that even though God knows what you need, you still have to express it to him in prayer...it's kind of like even if others KNEW what you needed, you still have to SAY it, to assert yourself, because the passivity is what is hurting you FAR more than the lack of the thing you need)

anyway, said alcoholic or rager or anybody else with an "addiction" (doesn't have to be a drug! can be an emotion such as rage or a habit such as gossiping)...goes into the day with the expectations that he is going to be understood without asserting himself, that the world will work in the way he wants it to, etc., and instead of stopping to think that maybe his assumptions were wrong in the first place he decides that "oh, it's been a hard day, let's scratch that itch" and rages...or drinks...or fights...or does whatever he does.

I think what needs to be addressed here is all the distortions on the world you're having, Xeper, and with a therapist. Because it seems to me (and i do this too) that you simultaneously are convinced you are capable of nothing yet expect everything to go your way in the world...and when it goes bad you rage at everything.

also it sounds to me that because your words are so strong on here, that in real life you're not even trying to talk it out with the people that hurt you, or at least a doctor. when i can't express something to someone, it builds up to ungodly proportions. I have had years-long rages at someone because i got the wrong idea of what was going on.

and i'm not saying you don't have a cause to be hurt, because that girl did sound like a jerk (to say the least), but instead of spending your time being mad at her, why don't you have a little faith? not religious faith per se, but a particular type of faith where you hand the situation over to some higher power and let IT work the karma. what i'm saying is, maybe a good idea (i do it at times) would be to trust in a higher power of sorts ( even if you don't believe in god), basically trust in something outside of yourself...trust that thing to bring balance to the whole situation. because it will. you are so busy being mad that you don't even realize what this girl has coming for her karmically. they always do. this is where you have to let go of your control over the situation and learn to sit back and revel in the fact that you can relax and someday karma will come around for her. I promise you it will. but it won't mean a thing if you tear yourself up in the process. i promise you that one day when you've worked a lot of stuff out in your mind, that you will see her walking down the street, the fattest, ugliest, most mentally deranged woman with 7 children from different fathers and no money to pay for their care. And you'll be like "oh...haha...sucks to be you!" but by that time you will have already worked on yourself enough to have way too much self esteem to have ever fathomed being with her.

they say things like this take time, but it's not so much time as it is a massive effort to work on your own self, to make yourself the best you can be, to do things to raise your self-worth, to get to the source of your problems in therapy, etc. that's when you change and the significance of her or anyone else in your life you're mad at will change.


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## person3 (Aug 10, 2004)

also, i'm wondering how confident you are in your ability to survive on your own, without being co-dependent on anyone, etc. something i wonder about myself too. see, i get especially mad when i want things to work my way but i feel so dependent on other people that i feel i can't do it on my own.


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2005)

I hate being someone's jester...


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## Guest (Jul 3, 2005)

Wendy said:


> falling_free said:
> 
> 
> > Are you a boy or a girl, Xeper, I cant quite figure it out?


Now that you mention it...

Go on then XEPER enlighten me...


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## Guest (Jul 3, 2005)

I HATE MY FUCKING PARENTS, THOSE GODDAMN BASTARDS!!!

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. See "The Scroll of Sorrow" for details.


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## Guest (Jul 3, 2005)

I looked up the word "friend" in the dictionary. Here's what it said:

friend: (frend) _n._ - Someone who will someday betray you.

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. Why is someday always today?


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## Guest (Jul 3, 2005)

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Milan (May 29, 2005)

Ok my turn.
Apologies for the whingeing:

I hate how the joy has been zapped out of my life.
I hate not having peace of mind.
I hate that every one around me can breeze through a day and it takes me 1000 times the effort.
I hate that no one close to me can understand what this is really like.
I hate it when I look at my loved ones and feel distant and detached.
I hate when I wake and start to feel anxious.
I hate it when things around me start to look strange and bizarre.
I hate it when the fear over rides all other emotions.
I hate that I can not predict how I will be able to handle my emotions in the future.
I hate not knowing when and if this feeling will end.
I hate not feeling my own identity
I hate it when reality loses its meaning.
I hate my mind for noticing things that should never have been noticed.
I hate feeling stifled.

But I love it when I feel a glimmer of hope?..


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2005)

XEPER said-i hate people making fun of my because im scrawny and way 107 lbs

I'd give my pinky toe to weigh 107 lbs. There's something so pure and repentent about thin limbs. maybe because bony-ness is so basic and raw. when your thin, your outsides look more like your insides. I'm not anorexic, i just think too much and i'm a crazy. Anyway, the point of this is that skinny is sexy and hopefully i've helped your self esteem.(although, to quote the holy bible, "self-worth scatters self esteems a bore" and when i say holy bible i mean the cd not the book.)


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2005)

I hate everything.

I hate my depressive states.

But I should suffer, because...


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2005)

Does anyone know how an eighteen year old can buy a gun anonymously? Please send me a private message if you have any information of ancillary.

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. Read my first five posts on this thread again.

P.P.S. Again!

P.P.P.S. Again!!

P.P.P.P.S. Again!!!

P.P.P.P.P.S. AGAIN!!!


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2005)

My dysphoric feelings have temporarily eroded my capability for words again. I guess you can all breathe a sigh of relief; I won't bother you for a while with my stupid posts. That's right, I've begun to hate even my own posts.

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. See "The Scroll of Sorrow" for more details.

P.P.S. Wendy and mrmole: I am a male.

P.P.P.S. However, I was given the title of "Honorary Woman" by the Feminist Society of Potomac.


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## Guest (Aug 4, 2005)

I hate the users on this site who mock me, deride me, torture me, and betray me. You know who you are.


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## Guest (Aug 4, 2005)

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!
Not only do I have to deal with torturers in real life, I have to deal with the ones on this site too!?
Just look at the top of this screen. What does it say? Depersonalization Community. This is a support site for people with dp/dr and related symptoms. But what have people done here? They've been making dp worse for people like me.
URGGGGHH!!! I've had it! People like you make me ashamed to call myself human!

So, to everyone who's tortured and betrayed me:

DROP DEAD!!!!!


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Xeper I understand how you feel but I fear that you are going to end up on a clock tower someware someday. If you continue to hate the way you do, dp/dr will be the least of your problems. Hate is what made this planet shuch a horrible place, don't ever forget that.
I have been told that I am to negitive and I need to have a positive outlook on things myself. In order to do this I am going to have to ruin this thread. Sorry.

I LOVE GOOD WEATHER!

I LOVE COMEDY!

I LOVE COMPUTERS (SOMETIMES)!

I LOVE VIDEO GAMES!

I LOVE ANIMALS!

I LOVE TROPICAL PLACES!

I LOVE KIDS!

I LOVE HUMBLE PEOPLE!

I LOVE PEACE!

I LOVE THE CHIRPING OF BIRDS IN THE MORNING!

I LOVE THE STARS IN THE SKY!

I LOVE SUNRISES AND SUNSETS!

I LOVE THE OCEAN!

I LOVE SWEETS!

I LOVE GOD!

I LOVE MOUNTAINS!

I LOVE WOMEN!

I LOVE WOMEN!

DID I SAY I LOVED GOD!

I LOVE MUSIC!

I LOVE A GOOD MOVIE!

I LOVE THE DIVERSITY OF THIS WORLD!

I LOVE WISDOM!

I LOVE BUBBLE GUM!

I LOVE GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP!

I LOVE WATER!

I LOVE OXYGEN!

Now that I think of it I do love more than I hate.

Xeper give it a try. Loveing is better than hate mongering. 
I feel better already. Thanks Xeper.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Oh I almost forgot to say I LOVE YOU XEPER!

AND I LOVE ANYONE ELSE THAT HAS DP/DR!

I LOVE YOU ALL!


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

I think alot of things can be solved with a hug and some sex.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

I'm in for the hug, but the sex will have to wait for marriage. 
I don't need any heartbreak. And I hope your sex is directed at the opposite sex scattered.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Xeper do you need a hug  ?


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## Guest (Aug 4, 2005)

Fine, I'll live in that clocktower. I'd much rather be locked up in a tower than to be around traitors and sadists. Thank you so much for that offer. :evil:


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

I wasn't making an offer. I was stateing a WARNING! There is a big diffrence in an offer and a warning.

When I mentioned the clock tower I was refering to Charles S. Whitman.
Do a search on Charles S. Whitman and see what you find.

I have been on the road of hate myself. Hate is a very bad thing Xeper, it will chew you up and spit you out. It is much better to love. 
Even if you do hate this world, try to find the things you can love and focus on them.

Quote:I'd much rather be locked up in a tower than to be around traitors and sadists.Quote:

I am not a traitor or a sadists FYI. I don't know who is, but you might want to speak them comments to the right person. Your comment seems to be aimed at all of us. Are we all traitors?
I care about you that is why I warned you about the clock tower.[/quote]


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## Guest (Aug 4, 2005)

Charles S. Whitman (September 29, 1868 - March 29, 1947) served as Republican Governor of New York between 1915 and 1919. He was also a delegate to Republican National Convention from New York in 1916. Whitman graduated from Williams College, class of 1890. Prior to his election as governor, he served as a New York City municipal judge and as Manhattan District Attorney. As District Attorney, he gained national fame in prosecuting New York City Police Lt. Charles Becker for the July 16, 1912 murder of Times Square gambling house operator Herman "Beansy" Rosenthal in front of West 43rd Street's Hotel Metropole (owned by Lower East Side Tammany Hall leader "Big Tim" Sullivan).

In 1916 Whitman won re-election against reform Democrat Judge Samuel Seabury. In 1918 he was defeated for re-election by Tammany Democrat Alfred E. Smith.

You mean this Charles S. Whitman?

Yours truly,
XEPER

P.S. You speak as though you think I want to hate.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

Xeper I am glade to see you doing your homework.

I am sorry I got the name messed up.

The names Charles Joseph Whitman.

This one.

WHITMAN, CHARLES JOSEPH (1941-1966). Charles Joseph Whitman, tower sniper, was born in Lake Worth, Florida, on June 24, 1941, the oldest of three sons of Margaret and Charles A. Whitman, Jr. He attended Sacred Heart grade and junior high schools, was an Eagle Scout at twelve, and graduated from St. Ann's High School in West Palm Beach in 1959. He enlisted in the Marine Corps on July 6, 1959, and was stationed for a year and a half at Guant?namo Bay, Cuba. He passed a test to enter officer training, was sent to a preparatory school in Bainbridge, Maryland, and then to the University of Texas at Austin in September 1961 to major in engineering. There he met Kathleen F. Leissner, and they were married on August 17, 1962, at Needville, Texas, her home town. Because of low grades he was ordered back to duty as an enlisted man in the Marine Corps on February 12, 1963. While still in the service he attended East Carolina State College in the summer of 1964. He was discharged on December 4, 1964, and returned to Austin, where he reentered the University of Texas in the spring of 1965 to study architectural engineering. In the summer of 1965 he attended Alvin Junior College and then continued at the University of Texas in the 1965-66 school year. He also worked part time and was a scoutmaster. In the spring of 1966 his mother left his father and moved to Austin to be near her eldest son. On March 29 Whitman sought medical and psychiatric advice at the university health center, but he failed to return as directed for further assistance. On July 22 he visited the University of Texas tower observation deck with his brother John.

During the pre-dawn hours of August 1, 1966, Whitman killed his mother in her apartment and his wife at their residence. Later in the morning he bought a variety of ammunition and a shotgun; about 11:30 A.M. he went to the university tower, taking with him a footlocker, six guns, knives, food, and water. After clubbing the receptionist (who later died) on the twenty-eighth floor about 11:45 A.M., he killed two persons and wounded two others who were coming up the stairs from the twenty-seventh floor. On the observation deck of the tower, at an elevation of 231 feet, Whitman then opened fire on persons crossing the campus and on nearby streets, killing ten more people and wounding thirty-one more (one of whom died a week later). Police arrived and returned his fire, while other policemen worked their way into the tower. Several of the dead and wounded were moved to cover by students and other citizens while the firing continued. At 1:24 P.M. police and a deputized private citizen reached the observation deck, where police officers Ramiro Martinez and Houston McCoy shot and killed Whitman. Altogether, seventeen persons were killed, including Whitman, and thirty-one were wounded in one of the worst mass murders in modern United States history. An autopsy on Whitman's body revealed a brain tumor, but medical authorities disagreed over its effect on Whitman's actions. His body was returned to Lake Worth, Florida, for burial.

BIBLIOGRAPHY: Austin American, August 1-8, 1966. Austin Statesman, August 1-8, 1966. Libby Averyt, "The Tower Sniper," Utmost, Spring 1986. William J. Helmer, "The Madman in the Tower," Texas Monthly, August 1986. Vertical Files, Barker Texas History Center, University of Texas at Austin.

Alwyn Barr

Pretty normal until all of a sudden SNAP!
I have came close to the SNAP myself. Stay away from hate, it gets scary.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

PS. Hate can be controled! You are the one that has to control your own hate though, I can't do it for you. I am to busy dealing with my own problems.


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

He had a brain tumor. He complained of psychological and physical problems beforehand. I would think there may be some connection.


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## Monkeydust (Jan 12, 2005)

Lostone, this line is a classic. You made me chuckle this evening lol.



> I'm in for the hug, but the sex will have to wait for marriage.


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## LOSTONE (Jul 9, 2005)

> He had a brain tumor. He complained of psychological and physical problems beforehand. I would think there may be some connection.


Scattered I didn't mean for my clock tower comment to go this far.
I am sure Charles Joseph Whitman had a lot of buried hate. 
You don't go around killing people because you love them.
Unless you are delusional.



> Lostone, this line is a classic. You made me chuckle this evening lol


Glad to make your day Monkeydust :wink: .

Unless you are makeing fun of me  .


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## Monkeydust (Jan 12, 2005)

No, it did genuinely make me chuckle. It was just the way you put it.

The only person I make fun of here is Sojourner, you should know that lol (oooonly joking Sojourner  ).


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## Scattered (Mar 8, 2005)

Well I doubt xeper is going to go over the deep end. The only time you should be worried is when he stops complaining.


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## Guest (Aug 5, 2005)

How dare you!?


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