# After 12 years, I'm finally back



## azpear

First off, thanks to everyone in this community. I've been lurking these forums forever and I used much of the information from these forums to finally get back to normal. First though, here's my story.

It was 1998, I was 18 and at my best friend's house doing the things that 18 year olds do. We had his parent's massive house to ourselves for the weekend and made plans to go out with some girls. As I recall, those plans fell through, putting us both in an awful mood. While we weren't* potheads*, he scored some marijuana so we could grovel in our loss of libido and we decided to smoke it.

Now, I had smoked 2 or 3 times previously, and never felt any effects beyond a very mild sedation. This time was different. I smoked it like it was going out of style. I have no idea how much I ended up inhaling, but it was A LOT. After finishing, I recall doseing off into a dream world, where everything felt surreal. It was calming at first, but got progressively stronger. After 30 minutes of this I panicked. I started seeing vivid geometric patterns and wild colors. I felt my brain oscillate; it was as if it was "resetting" every 10-15 seconds. I remember crying and begging for the feeling to stop. I laid in bed for what seemed like days before finally falling asleep.

The next morning, I woke up, hopped in the shower, and started my routine. I felt different. All the symptoms frequently described on this board were there; I could recognize something was very different in how I perceived the world. I felt disconnected, my brain was fuzzy. My perception of the world was just "off." It scared the shit out of me.

That was 12 years ago.

I did what any god-fearing teen would and didn't tell anyone about it for fear of parental repercussion. I learned to deal with it. In fact, I had some of the best experiences of my life without being able to fully experience them. Marriage, graduation, the birth of my son, the start of a great career. I ended up happy and successful, but I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my head.

Finally, 18 months ago, I had enough. I was 220lbs and the very definition of "skinnyfat." So I did something about it.

First, I cut carbs from my diet and worked out... hard. Over the last 18 months, I daresay I got* ripped*. 6", 180 lbs, less than 8% bodyfat. Yesterday, I had a stranger at the neighborhood pool say I looked better than Brad Pitt in Fight Club. I can deadlift 405lbs and Clean and Jerk 225 (form is still holding me back). I have a clear six-pack at 30 years old. I'm not trying to brag here, I'm simply trying to convey what I did. This helped a little, that DP feeling persisted.

Enter this board. I started supplementation about 3 months ago, determined to fight this off once and for all. I did pubmed research and wrote down everything I knew. I read threads and cut and copied all the info I thought could help, determined to fight this. I got a detailed blood test from Rhein labs (for $480) and brought all my blood and vitamin levels where they should be. Vitamin D, DHEA, you name it.

Last week, all the supplementation and the lifestyle changes finally came to a head. I recall walking down a path between buildings at work, thinking about a marketing study, when very suddenly something "clicked." I got this immense feeling of joy, and my spatial perception became ultra-sensitive. I get the chills just thinking about it. It hasn't stopped, either. Since then, I feel like I'm back to my old self, 100%. Everything just feels more "real." I'm crying a little as I type this.

Now, for the laundry list: (ED = Every Day)

DHEA - 25mgs 2xED (Morning and afternoon)
Multivitamin (without Iron)
Vitamin D - 6,000 IU ED (now that I'm not deficient, I tapered it to 2,000 IU)
Vitamin B12 - 1.2MG sublingually ED
NAC 600 mg ED
Magnesium Citrate 500 mg ED
2 tablespoons of Carlson's Fish Oil ED
Mucuna Pruriens L-Dopa 1 gram (!) ED
Melatonin 600mcg ED (30 minutes before bed)
CoQ10 100mg ED
Beta-Alanine 2g ED (more of a workout supplement)
(note: I'm not trying to push any products here via referral links or other nonsense which is why I linked to wikipedia.)

My diet is 3500 kcals per day, most of my calories come from Red/White meat, saturated fats, and proteins. I limit myself to 100g of carbs or less per day, mostly from root vegetables and an apple before my workout. No pop, no beer, no refined sugar, no breads, no pasta, no potatoes. I track everything I eat via an iphone app called "Tap and Track." Like I said earlier, I work out with a lot on intensity.

Anecdotally, I think the NAC, DHEA, and L-Dopa had the most effect, especially the L-Dopa. I've heard it's dangerous to stay on DHEA and L-Dopa for more than 3 months (adrenal fatigue), so I'm going to tone down the supplements one at a time to ensure the feeling persists. I'll keep posting my progress (or regress) in this thread.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I'm not by any means inferring that this will work for you, but it did work for me. I hope my experience helps you. Good luck, all.


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## PositiveThinking!

azpear said:


> First off, thanks to everyone in this community. I've been lurking these forums forever and I used much of the information from these forums to finally get back to normal. First though, here's my story.
> 
> It was 1998, I was 18 and at my best friend's house doing the things that 18 year olds do. We had his parent's massive house to ourselves for the weekend and made plans to go out with some girls. As I recall, those plans fell through, putting us both in an awful mood. While we weren't* potheads*, he scored some marijuana so we could grovel in our loss of libido and we decided to smoke it.
> 
> Now, I had smoked 2 or 3 times previously, and never felt any effects beyond a very mild sedation. This time was different. I smoked it like it was going out of style. I have no idea how much I ended up inhaling, but it was A LOT. After finishing, I recall doseing off into a dream world, where everything felt surreal. It was calming at first, but got progressively stronger. After 30 minutes of this I panicked. I started seeing vivid geometric patterns and wild colors. I felt my brain oscillate; it was as if it was "resetting" every 10-15 seconds. I remember crying and begging for the feeling to stop. I laid in bed for what seemed like days before finally falling asleep.
> 
> The next morning, I woke up, hopped in the shower, and started my routine. I felt different. All the symptoms frequently described on this board were there; I could recognize something was very different in how I perceived the world. I felt disconnected, my brain was fuzzy. My perception of the world was just "off." It scared the shit out of me.
> 
> That was 12 years ago.
> 
> I did what any god-fearing teen would and didn't tell anyone about it for fear of parental repercussion. I learned to deal with it. In fact, I had some of the best experiences of my life without being able to fully experience them. Marriage, graduation, the birth of my son, the start of a great career. I ended up happy and successful, but I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my head.
> 
> Finally, 18 months ago, I had enough. I was 220lbs and the very definition of "skinnyfat." So I did something about it.
> 
> First, I cut carbs from my diet and worked out... hard. Over the last 18 months, I daresay I got* ripped*. 6", 180 lbs, less than 8% bodyfat. Yesterday, I had a stranger at the neighborhood pool say I looked better than Brad Pitt in Fight Club. I can deadlift 405lbs and Clean and Jerk 225 (form is still holding me back). I have a clear six-pack at 30 years old. I'm not trying to brag here, I'm simply trying to convey what I did. This helped a little, that DP feeling persisted.
> 
> Enter this board. I started supplementation about 3 months ago, determined to fight this off once and for all. I did pubmed research and wrote down everything I knew. I read threads and cut and copied all the info I thought could help, determined to fight this. I got a detailed blood test from Rhein labs (for $480) and brought all my blood and vitamin levels where they should be. Vitamin D, DHEA, you name it.
> 
> Last week, all the supplementation and the lifestyle changes finally came to a head. I recall walking down a path between buildings at work, thinking about a marketing study, when very suddenly something "clicked." I got this immense feeling of joy, and my spatial perception became ultra-sensitive. I get the chills just thinking about it. It hasn't stopped, either. Since then, I feel like I'm back to my old self, 100%. Everything just feels more "real." I'm crying a little as I type this.
> 
> Now, for the laundry list: (ED = Every Day)
> 
> DHEA - 25mgs 2xED (Morning and afternoon)
> Multivitamin (without Iron)
> Vitamin D - 6,000 IU ED (now that I'm not deficient, I tapered it to 2,000 IU)
> Vitamin B12 - 1.2MG sublingually ED
> NAC 600 mg ED
> Magnesium Citrate 500 mg ED
> 2 tablespoons of Carlson's Fish Oil ED
> Mucuna Pruriens L-Dopa 1 gram (!) ED
> Melatonin 600mcg ED (30 minutes before bed)
> CoQ10 100mg ED
> Beta-Alanine 2g ED (more of a workout supplement)
> (note: I'm not trying to push any products here via referral links or other nonsense which is why I linked to wikipedia.)
> 
> My diet is 3500 kcals per day, most of my calories come from Red/White meat, saturated fats, and proteins. I limit myself to 100g of carbs or less per day, mostly from root vegetables and an apple before my workout. No pop, no beer, no refined sugar, no breads, no pasta, no potatoes. I track everything I eat via an iphone app called "Tap and Track." Like I said earlier, I work out with a lot on intensity.
> 
> Anecdotally, I think the NAC, DHEA, and L-Dopa had the most effect, especially the L-Dopa. I've heard it's dangerous to stay on DHEA and L-Dopa for more than 3 months (adrenal fatigue), so I'm going to tone down the supplements one at a time to ensure the feeling persists. I'll keep posting my progress (or regress) in this thread.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I'm not by any means inferring that this will work for you, but it did work for me. I hope my experience helps you. Good luck, all.


So, let me see if I got this straight, you're fully recovered?

Also, if you are, how long have you been feeling "good" ?

Oh and congratulations on recovery obviously


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## azpear

PositiveThinking! said:


> So, let me see if I got this straight, you're fully recovered?
> 
> Also, if you are, how long have you been feeling "good" ?
> 
> Oh and congratulations on recovery obviously


This is day number 13 of feeling 100% better. It's been 12 years, but I can say with a relative degree of certainty that I'm completely better. I feel like a million bucks. All my former symptoms have vanished.


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## Guest

azpear said:


> This is day number 13 of feeling 100% better. It's been 12 years, but I can say with a relative degree of certainty that I'm completely better. I feel like a million bucks. All my former symptoms have vanished.


Do you FEEL your BODY? What are your thoughts like? Can you go into detail what reality is like to RETURN to and RESIDE in? Thanks...

...and CONGRATULATIONS


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## Rogue Bullies

Congrats! I am so happy for you







It would be weird going through life, getting married, having children etc with DP. Glad you were able to do and forget about the issues you had. I wish you luck again congrats! I just hope I can be next on recovery


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## Surfingisfun001

Wow! That is so awesome! I'm super happy for you, you definitely deserve it. Great post with lots of hope for us!


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## numb1

I've had this for 14 years, since the age of 12, and am willing to try anything.


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## azpear

ThoughtOnFire said:


> Do you FEEL your BODY? What are your thoughts like? Can you go into detail what reality is like to RETURN to and RESIDE in? Thanks...
> 
> ...and CONGRATULATIONS


Previously, I'd frequently get the sensation that it was someone else moving my arms and legs, although in my mind I knew that was not the case. Today, it's difficult to describe the change, but I feel fully back in control of my own body. Now, I tell my arm to move, it moves, and I instinctively know where it is and that I control it. I missed that sensation immensely.

It feels sensational.


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## azpear

numb1 said:


> I've had this for 14 years, since the age of 12, and am willing to try anything.


I just wish I had a quick answer that applied to everyone, such as do this -> this happens -> you get better. Unfortunately, it took me 18 months of hard work and determination to beat this thing. I hope you can use my story as a guideline. Best of luck.


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## azpear

I should probably also clarify that all the supplements I linked are available over the counter. Nothing requires a prescription. Be very careful with DHEA, though. Don't take it more than twice per day and never exceed 50mg daily. It can quickly shut down your adrenal gland at high doses.

Also, as of March 2010, there is a bill in congress to get this reclassified as an anabolic steroid. Buy it while you can.


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## Tommygunz

edit.


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## BlueTank

That is awesome! I've heard of powering out of it. Basically workout + diet etc.. and that it can take quite a while depending on "how far in" you are to begin with.

Do you tie anxiety in closely with all of this? Do you believe that you were ridding yourself of anxiety and that had a profound effect on DP/DR?

Or was anxiety and stress not much of an issue?


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## azpear

BlueTank said:


> That is awesome! I've heard of powering out of it. Basically workout + diet etc.. and that it can take quite a while depending on "how far in" you are to begin with.
> 
> Do you tie anxiety in closely with all of this? Do you believe that you were ridding yourself of anxiety and that had a profound effect on DP/DR?
> 
> Or was anxiety and stress not much of an issue?


The latter was certainly the case. I remember the anxiety was absolutely awful for the first few months. An adolescent coping with this was tough. I never went on drugs for it though and after awhile the anxiety subsided and DPD became the "norm." I'm a pretty easy going guy - I don' let things get to me at all. I must have been 19 when I told myself "no use getting worked up over this - I'm sure I'll get better soon."

I really haven't been anxious for a long period of time due to the DPD symptoms. I can't ever imagine getting anxious again given how I feel today.


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## numb1

I've read about this diet elsewhere. The no sugar, no bread, no milk is something definatly worth trying. Taking all the recomended vitamins is something that I hear a lot about too. I'm about a week in with the diet and the supplements and can feel a little bit of difference. I did not get this from smoking pot or doing any drugs. I woke up with depersonalization one day without any explaination 14 years ago. I came completly out of it about a year ago for about 10 seconds after waking up and knew that this state of mind was not normal. I can say now that there is definatly an improvement taking the DHEA as well as any other vitamins that improve mood. I don't think medication will help. The cure has to be something that improves your body to fight the depersonalization.


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## DPNOrway

im really happy for you







hope it doesnt last 11 more years for me to recover :/


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## hoot

Congrats! Inspiring story and yet more proof that there is a way out of DP, even for those who have suffered more than a decade.


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## Minerva8979

Awesome dude, very inspiring. This should be stickyed or something.lol


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## Brando2600

Minerva8979 said:


> Awesome dude, very inspiring. This should be stickyed or something.lol


Second, people need to see that it isn't hopeless even for the worst scenarios.


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## Surfingisfun001

It seems like a lot of people recover around 12 years. That kind of scares me.


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## azpear

surfingisfun001 said:


> It seems like a lot of people recover around 12 years. That kind of scares me.


Had I known then what I know now, I probably could have recovered within the year.


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## Madhead

''...I learned to deal with it. In fact, I had some of the best experiences of my life without being able to fully experience them. Marriage, graduation, the birth of my son, the start of a great career. I ended up happy and successful...''

Wow. What makes me happy about your story is, Your in the position I want to be in in 10 years. DP or no DP. To see youve achieved that fills me with such hope. Well done to you sir! Your a fighter of the highest sort. And youve recovered! Good for you.


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## Brando2600

surfingisfun001 said:


> It seems like a lot of people recover around 12 years. That kind of scares me.


Also alot around 9 months...


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## Speechless

surfingisfun001 said:


> It seems like a lot of people recover around 12 years. That kind of scares me.


at least he/she didn't die with it.


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## Variable Pitch

Hey, that's awsome to hear your finally done with this. I just "recovered" myself out of a long term hate/hate relationiship with DP







. A good 18 years or so. And yeah, I cannot stress enough to anyone how much diet and excersize will make a difference in how you feel. Had no idea there was such a close tie with your mental well being and your physical well being. Is it a magical get out of DP free card? No. But it will help out alot, and you'll feel more inclined to get off your ass and do something rather than mope around your room and focus on your own illnesses. Good lord I did that for years. It's no way to live life.


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## Dyna

Variable Pitch said:


> Hey, that's awsome to hear your finally done with this. I just "recovered" myself out of a long term hate/hate relationiship with DP
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> . A good 18 years or so. And yeah, I cannot stress enough to anyone how much diet and excersize will make a difference in how you feel. Had no idea there was such a close tie with your mental well being and your physical well being. Is it a magical get out of DP free card? No. But it will help out alot, and you'll feel more inclined to get off your ass and do something rather than mope around your room and focus on your own illnesses. Good lord I did that for years. It's no way to live life.


Hi Variable Pitch, Tell us more about your path of recovery after 18 years. I am going on 17 and would love some more positive stories adn advice. Thanks, Dyna


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## Screaming Man

wow another awesome post...I bought a bunch of exercise equipment before I got sick, so I really want to start using it after this. I was pretty fit before I got sick, the max I ever weighed was 110 lbs. Looking like Brad Pitt in fight club also wouldn't hurt lol. I wonder if I could use some of these supplements in the doses stated?


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## Guest

azpear said:


> First off, thanks to everyone in this community. I've been lurking these forums forever and I used much of the information from these forums to finally get back to normal. First though, here's my story.
> 
> It was 1998, I was 18 and at my best friend's house doing the things that 18 year olds do. We had his parent's massive house to ourselves for the weekend and made plans to go out with some girls. As I recall, those plans fell through, putting us both in an awful mood. While we weren't* potheads*, he scored some marijuana so we could grovel in our loss of libido and we decided to smoke it.
> 
> Now, I had smoked 2 or 3 times previously, and never felt any effects beyond a very mild sedation. This time was different. I smoked it like it was going out of style. I have no idea how much I ended up inhaling, but it was A LOT. After finishing, I recall doseing off into a dream world, where everything felt surreal. It was calming at first, but got progressively stronger. After 30 minutes of this I panicked. I started seeing vivid geometric patterns and wild colors. I felt my brain oscillate; it was as if it was "resetting" every 10-15 seconds. I remember crying and begging for the feeling to stop. I laid in bed for what seemed like days before finally falling asleep.
> 
> The next morning, I woke up, hopped in the shower, and started my routine. I felt different. All the symptoms frequently described on this board were there; I could recognize something was very different in how I perceived the world. I felt disconnected, my brain was fuzzy. My perception of the world was just "off." It scared the shit out of me.
> 
> That was 12 years ago.
> 
> I did what any god-fearing teen would and didn't tell anyone about it for fear of parental repercussion. I learned to deal with it. In fact, I had some of the best experiences of my life without being able to fully experience them. Marriage, graduation, the birth of my son, the start of a great career. I ended up happy and successful, but I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my head.
> 
> Finally, 18 months ago, I had enough. I was 220lbs and the very definition of "skinnyfat." So I did something about it.
> 
> First, I cut carbs from my diet and worked out... hard. Over the last 18 months, I daresay I got* ripped*. 6", 180 lbs, less than 8% bodyfat. Yesterday, I had a stranger at the neighborhood pool say I looked better than Brad Pitt in Fight Club. I can deadlift 405lbs and Clean and Jerk 225 (form is still holding me back). I have a clear six-pack at 30 years old. I'm not trying to brag here, I'm simply trying to convey what I did. This helped a little, that DP feeling persisted.
> 
> Enter this board. I started supplementation about 3 months ago, determined to fight this off once and for all. I did pubmed research and wrote down everything I knew. I read threads and cut and copied all the info I thought could help, determined to fight this. I got a detailed blood test from Rhein labs (for $480) and brought all my blood and vitamin levels where they should be. Vitamin D, DHEA, you name it.
> 
> Last week, all the supplementation and the lifestyle changes finally came to a head. I recall walking down a path between buildings at work, thinking about a marketing study, when very suddenly something "clicked." I got this immense feeling of joy, and my spatial perception became ultra-sensitive. I get the chills just thinking about it. It hasn't stopped, either. Since then, I feel like I'm back to my old self, 100%. Everything just feels more "real." I'm crying a little as I type this.
> 
> Now, for the laundry list: (ED = Every Day)
> 
> DHEA - 25mgs 2xED (Morning and afternoon)
> Multivitamin (without Iron)
> Vitamin D - 6,000 IU ED (now that I'm not deficient, I tapered it to 2,000 IU)
> Vitamin B12 - 1.2MG sublingually ED
> NAC 600 mg ED
> Magnesium Citrate 500 mg ED
> 2 tablespoons of Carlson's Fish Oil ED
> Mucuna Pruriens L-Dopa 1 gram (!) ED
> Melatonin 600mcg ED (30 minutes before bed)
> CoQ10 100mg ED
> Beta-Alanine 2g ED (more of a workout supplement)
> (note: I'm not trying to push any products here via referral links or other nonsense which is why I linked to wikipedia.)
> 
> My diet is 3500 kcals per day, most of my calories come from Red/White meat, saturated fats, and proteins. I limit myself to 100g of carbs or less per day, mostly from root vegetables and an apple before my workout. No pop, no beer, no refined sugar, no breads, no pasta, no potatoes. I track everything I eat via an iphone app called "Tap and Track." Like I said earlier, I work out with a lot on intensity.
> 
> Anecdotally, I think the NAC, DHEA, and L-Dopa had the most effect, especially the L-Dopa. I've heard it's dangerous to stay on DHEA and L-Dopa for more than 3 months (adrenal fatigue), so I'm going to tone down the supplements one at a time to ensure the feeling persists. I'll keep posting my progress (or regress) in this thread.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I'm not by any means inferring that this will work for you, but it did work for me. I hope my experience helps you. Good luck, all.


I will be 181 LBS, i dont care! if you can do it so can i!


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## Guest

Congratulations, I'm glad you're back to yourself!


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## sarahj

This was great to read. I first suffered from DP at age 13 after smoking weed. It was terrifying but you eventually adjust and live with it masking off from others that you really feel you are going insane. Anyway last night I finally discovered DP online. I previously had no idea there was a name for it or that there was anybody else in the world that experienced what I do and did. I am nearly 24 and still live with it so about 11 years now. I am pretty easy going too but like you I have lived through the birth of my child and other events and feel that I wasn't all there to enjoy them. The initial few weeks were the worst and it definitely does ease off through time and become more managable but I never felt I could be normal again. After reading this it has given me hope. Thank you.


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## = n

Great story and it suggests i'm on the right track!

For me anxiety certainly has been an issue, but weirdly i never even noticed how anxious i was until i started closely analysing my thought processes (that's different from circular DP obessesing!). When i realised just how negative i was it became very funny to me and every time i made a massively negative judgement i started to notice it and laugh at myself. This helped a lot!

It is my belief that being physically weak (especially for a guy, perhaps) can function as a kind of physical support for mental anxiety; whereas feeling physically strong tends to reduce mental anxiety. I don't doubt azpears account but it is possible he didn't even notice how his increased feeling of strength may have impacted any residual (unnoticed) anxiety.

I've already reformed my diet. It's now unusually healthy (-except for some occassional dark chocolate, cocoa or dried fruit binges; all of which are healthy in moderation). Taking a full blood test is a great idea (though not sure i can afford it- maybe there's a cheap option or alternative- or perhaps i can save money for it!).

I'm only in my second week of bodyweight training (after tapering off a running regime due to injuries) but i'm already noticing improvements. I'd definately recommend bodyweight strength training to anyone with DP/R whether male or female. It's free, improves health and appearance, improves mood etc!

It sounds like azpear has managed to lead a functional life with DP (more than i have). This probably helped the speed of his recovery when he started taking action. Some of us would likely have to add in some emotional/psychological/social-behavioural changes as well.

We do have the power to recover and heal ourselves... I think gaining a feeling of agency is very important to recovery.

Fatalism leads nowhere.

Lately (after between 10-20 years of DP) i have been experiencing more frequent moments of remission. I can make myself emotional and then experience a brief feeling of connection and reality. I know this can be expanded on!

Here's hoping i can pull out of it like azpear; good luck to everyone!

We _can _recover and if we are really committed to it, we will!


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## rushdy

I think you just brought tears into my eyes. I been trying to fight this so bad and remain hopeful but sometimes, it is just too tiring! The mood swings are incredible! I want to start my life normally and live it up! I am so happy for you. Its actually pretty freaking weird because i don't know you but i am really happy for you regardless whether i get rid of this or not. You deserve it! You really do! Thank you for sharing!


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## ruffian_mcnabb

...


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## jd99034

awesome story! be sure to keep up updated on progress. I've recovered for years at a time, and during those periods I stayed away from this site. I think that's why there's not a lot of recovery stories, because once you feel better, you leave this place far, far behind, as this place just brings back the horrible memories. Thanks for being unselfish enough to share your recovery!


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## brill

bumpin this post by Azpear.....In my opinion, it's the best recovery post on the forum


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## Tired23

I've had this for 5 years , i lost hope. I feel dead.


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## illmatic

Great post, hadn't seen this one. Thanks for bumping it ghost


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## Pondererer

azpear said:


> First off, thanks to everyone in this community. I've been lurking these forums forever and I used much of the information from these forums to finally get back to normal. First though, here's my story.
> 
> It was 1998, I was 18 and at my best friend's house doing the things that 18 year olds do. We had his parent's massive house to ourselves for the weekend and made plans to go out with some girls. As I recall, those plans fell through, putting us both in an awful mood. While we weren't* potheads*, he scored some marijuana so we could grovel in our loss of libido and we decided to smoke it.
> 
> Now, I had smoked 2 or 3 times previously, and never felt any effects beyond a very mild sedation. This time was different. I smoked it like it was going out of style. I have no idea how much I ended up inhaling, but it was A LOT. After finishing, I recall doseing off into a dream world, where everything felt surreal. It was calming at first, but got progressively stronger. After 30 minutes of this I panicked. I started seeing vivid geometric patterns and wild colors. I felt my brain oscillate; it was as if it was "resetting" every 10-15 seconds. I remember crying and begging for the feeling to stop. I laid in bed for what seemed like days before finally falling asleep.
> 
> The next morning, I woke up, hopped in the shower, and started my routine. I felt different. All the symptoms frequently described on this board were there; I could recognize something was very different in how I perceived the world. I felt disconnected, my brain was fuzzy. My perception of the world was just "off." It scared the shit out of me.
> 
> That was 12 years ago.
> 
> I did what any god-fearing teen would and didn't tell anyone about it for fear of parental repercussion. I learned to deal with it. In fact, I had some of the best experiences of my life without being able to fully experience them. Marriage, graduation, the birth of my son, the start of a great career. I ended up happy and successful, but I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my head.
> 
> Finally, 18 months ago, I had enough. I was 220lbs and the very definition of "skinnyfat." So I did something about it.
> 
> First, I cut carbs from my diet and worked out... hard. Over the last 18 months, I daresay I got* ripped*. 6", 180 lbs, less than 8% bodyfat. Yesterday, I had a stranger at the neighborhood pool say I looked better than Brad Pitt in Fight Club. I can deadlift 405lbs and Clean and Jerk 225 (form is still holding me back). I have a clear six-pack at 30 years old. I'm not trying to brag here, I'm simply trying to convey what I did. This helped a little, that DP feeling persisted.
> 
> Enter this board. I started supplementation about 3 months ago, determined to fight this off once and for all. I did pubmed research and wrote down everything I knew. I read threads and cut and copied all the info I thought could help, determined to fight this. I got a detailed blood test from Rhein labs (for $480) and brought all my blood and vitamin levels where they should be. Vitamin D, DHEA, you name it.
> 
> Last week, all the supplementation and the lifestyle changes finally came to a head. I recall walking down a path between buildings at work, thinking about a marketing study, when very suddenly something "clicked." I got this immense feeling of joy, and my spatial perception became ultra-sensitive. I get the chills just thinking about it. It hasn't stopped, either. Since then, I feel like I'm back to my old self, 100%. Everything just feels more "real." I'm crying a little as I type this.
> 
> Now, for the laundry list: (ED = Every Day)
> 
> 
> DHEA - 25mgs 2xED (Morning and afternoon)
> Multivitamin (without Iron)
> Vitamin D - 6,000 IU ED (now that I'm not deficient, I tapered it to 2,000 IU)
> Vitamin B12 - 1.2MG sublingually ED
> NAC 600 mg ED
> Magnesium Citrate 500 mg ED
> 2 tablespoons of Carlson's Fish Oil ED
> Mucuna Pruriens L-Dopa 1 gram (!) ED
> Melatonin 600mcg ED (30 minutes before bed)
> CoQ10 100mg ED
> Beta-Alanine 2g ED (more of a workout supplement)
> (note: I'm not trying to push any products here via referral links or other nonsense which is why I linked to wikipedia.)
> 
> My diet is 3500 kcals per day, most of my calories come from Red/White meat, saturated fats, and proteins. I limit myself to 100g of carbs or less per day, mostly from root vegetables and an apple before my workout. No pop, no beer, no refined sugar, no breads, no pasta, no potatoes. I track everything I eat via an iphone app called "Tap and Track." Like I said earlier, I work out with a lot on intensity.
> 
> Anecdotally, I think the NAC, DHEA, and L-Dopa had the most effect, especially the L-Dopa. I've heard it's dangerous to stay on DHEA and L-Dopa for more than 3 months (adrenal fatigue), so I'm going to tone down the supplements one at a time to ensure the feeling persists. I'll keep posting my progress (or regress) in this thread.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I'm not by any means inferring that this will work for you, but it did work for me. I hope my experience helps you. Good luck, all.


Great post! Any chance you could be more specific about your diet? What do you eat (except for dinner) when you cut so much out?


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## XBrave

sounds like this fella had an hpa regulation too YAAAYYY


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