# New here, wanted to introduce myself and ask some questions.



## DPSux (Dec 6, 2015)

Hello everyone, today I'm going to be sharing the full story of how I became depersonalized and I am also going to be asking some questions.

So, here it goes.

About four months ago I went over to a friends house and got high on marijuana. I had smoked many times previously to this night, but I hadn't smoked in at least seven months prior to hanging out with him. Later that night I started to feel very strange (don't actually remember the whole night), and got worried so I decided to go to sleep. I woke up a couple times through the night to use the bathroom, but their was one specific instance were I woke up and felt as if I had lost complete control over my body parts and only had control of my thoughts. I kept asking myself "am I dead" or "am I in a coma". It was a very weird sensation, it felt like my body parts had fallen "asleep" (you know, it feels kinda prickly).

The next morning we woke up and I didn't feel weird anymore, felt fine and thought all was good! The same day I went home, but I felt very very tired, so I decided to shower. In the shower I kept having these very weird and odd thoughts that I had never experienced before, I kept thinking "what if I am dead".

About a month later, I searched up on the internet "I feel like I'm in a dream" and I found out about DP/DR which scared the absolute crap out of me because everyone I found was so negative and said there was no cure!

Ever since then I have self-diagnosed myself as depersonalized and it honestly sucks, this has definitely been the hardest period of my life.

Prior to DP I have never in my life had a panic attack, or been "anxious".

Now that I have my story out of the way, I have a couple questions.

Ever since DP I have had weird violent thoughts and thoughts of suicide, I have also had violent dreams and all of these things have honestly scared the s**t out of me and made me feel 100x worse. It has made me ask myself "am I schizo" or "am I a psychopath".

It would be awesome if someone else can relate, I have read that violent thoughts are normal thoughts gone wild and are a common side effect of anxiety.

Anyways, I appreciate all the help and I really enjoy reading the recovery stories.

Thanks everyone!


----------



## dpsucks (Sep 7, 2012)

there can only be one....


----------



## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

On how it happened, with the pot, that's very common. Pot is classified as a hallucinogenic or something, has some similar trippy effects to LSD. Both of those drugs can cause distressing mind states and forms of anxiety, panic, and even PTSD.

"Everyone I found online was so mean and said it would never be cured!"
It's a good thing you found an organization with admins and so on who care about others. Online communities are good at proliferating total nonsense and presenting skewed, anecdotal versions of reality. I like this one, but take what you get online with a grain of salt or whatever.

"Am I schizo?"
A better question to start with would be, "am I thinking psychotically (abnormally)"? Neither of us are qualified to say. The line between normal thinking and psychosis is often blurred, but being a schizophrenic is pretty severe and goes without question. Schizoaffective on the other hand is when someone has a mood disorder and some psychotic thought process. Then there is schizoid personality, an odd personality type. A doctor would be able to answer all of these questions!

Mine is sitting between depression/anxiety and schizoaffective depressive type. I don't know much about psychiatry, but it seems to me like they tack "schizo" on to disorders that involve psychosis. Schizophrenia is no joke though, as it leads to even more (and arguably worse) symptoms than psychotic thinking alone.

Sometimes being under a lot of stress can bring out psychotic symptoms. For example, I was traumatized as a child, so I think that everyone who makes aggressions towards me will do something to kill or hurt me. I'm not talking to space aliens on the roof, but my processes could be seen as unreasonable and unrealistic. I have to live with these symptoms, but I haven't been stigmatized as a schizo-anything, nor have I gone insane.

"Am I a psychopath?"
Are you severely, increasingly thrill seeking? Do you have little empathy for others? Does this make you prone to very threatening outbursts? I assume the answer is no, to all of these.


----------



## DPSux (Dec 6, 2015)

Surfer Rosa said:


> On how it happened, with the pot, that's very common. Pot is classified as a hallucinogenic or something, has some similar trippy effects to LSD. Both of those drugs can cause distressing mind states and forms of anxiety, panic, and even PTSD.
> 
> "Everyone I found online was so mean and said it would never be cured!"
> It's a good thing you found an organization with admins and so on who care about others. Online communities are good at proliferating total nonsense and presenting skewed, anecdotal versions of reality. I like this one, but take what you get online with a grain of salt or whatever.
> ...


Thanks for the response, I guess I'm not schizo or a pyschopath from what you have described.


----------



## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

No problem. Sorry you don't like where your mental health is at. I know how you feel. Are you seeing anyone for therapy?


----------



## DPSux (Dec 6, 2015)

Surfer Rosa said:


> No problem. Sorry you don't like where your mental health is at. I know how you feel. Are you seeing anyone for therapy?


No I am not, I'm 15 and the only person in my family who knows is my mother. In the past couple of day my family has gone through a lot of drama between my parents which hasn't helped very much.


----------



## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

Treatment may become a necessity at some point. Therapy goes a long way, and does no harm (you know, unless the therapist is a creep).


----------



## Noebeutler (Jan 5, 2016)

I feel exactly the same. Im also 15 and am really scared. But for me its only been one and a half weeks and it comes and goes. Its wordt at night. Will it get better? Will it go away? Should i tell my parents? I know this is basically a question to a question but i dont know what to do!


----------



## Guest (Jan 5, 2016)

dpsucks said:


> there can only be one....


LMAO, best post i've seen you make in years.


----------

