# MDMA helped me come to life...



## lamexicanaaa (May 12, 2012)

A couple of weeks ago my friend and I decided to take a molly the experience I had was unreal. I finally felt my body, I felt part of this world, I felt loved and i wanted to love. I have been suffering from dp for as long as I can remember. The only thing that has immediately taken the dp away was the mdma... has anyone else had this sort of experience.

I woke up this morning and realized that last night my car had been broken into my purse and passport stolen. Which would have never happened if i hadn't left my purse in my car. The problem is how am i supposed to be aware of my purse when I'm not even aware of my own body. This of course got me extremely upset because I've tried and tried to overcome this illness to the point that i forget i have it. I've isolated myself from my daughter friends and family because i know that I'm supposed to love them but i don't feel like i do. Time after time again I've fallen because of it. An hour after I woke up I had finally made the decision that i might check myself into the hospital because i cant continue to live like this. After I decide to go to the hospital i get a knock on my door its my future ex husbands employee demanding that i give her my car because my husband borrowed money from her and has not paid her so she wants to take my car. I cant pay for my car window that was broken last night because all of my bank accounts are frozen. This on top of the guilt of continuing to be a victim of this disorder after all of the abuse that was already endured the love and security that was robbed from me. It as if that moment which i think was the sexual abuse that continues to abuse me on a daily basis. Not only have I suffered from it but also my daughter, my mother, my father, my sister & brothers. It has been a constant battle within. I cant say that i have one single relationship. I like to think of it as independence, unique, maybe even the special percent of this population. I mean whose to say that the way we feel isn't the ultimate way of living disconnected from everything or connected to everything as if were were one. As you can see my mind is all over the place i forget what I'm talking about and continue to say things that are irrelevant out of order. All that keeps me going is the thought that one day i will be better one day i will overcome dp and i will be unstoppable in accomplishing my dreams and goals. I am not able to think ahead at this moment I've been on my own since i was 16 i live surviving day by day. I don't want to continue like this any longer. I am 23 years old I just want this to stop. I feel like self treating myself with mollys or mdma but i wish i would be monitored by someone i live on my own so it is hard for me to work and go to a psychiatrist and take meds on my own. Has anyone else had an experience where the mdma helped the symptoms?


----------



## Macky (Mar 22, 2012)

I'm glad that you were able to find relief from this but I don't think it's a good idea promoting ecstasy on a mental health forum; as many people on here have gotten dp from taking just that.


----------



## lamexicanaaa (May 12, 2012)

Macky said:


> I'm glad that you were able to find relief from this but I don't think it's a good idea promoting ecstasy on a mental health forum; as many people on here have gotten dp from taking just that.


Hi Mackey,

I truly am not promoting it. MDMA has been used on studies with people with PTSD and have shown incredible results. Ecstasy/ MDMA was used for psychological purposes until the population decided to use it as a "fun" time. I wanted to share my experience because i feel there might be an answer in it if not cure for dp/dr. I understand people have gotten dp from it but it seems to take mine away. Ive only done it a couple of times the first time i took it. I looked into the mirror and i finally felt that that was me. I felt real but it only lasted a couple hours. I took another one recently that seemed to take it completely away while under the influence of the molly and a few hours maybe even day afterwards. Different medications work for different people but I can honestly say the molly i took gave me hope. I felt reborn in my own skin like a mother a daughter a sister.


----------



## mcb (Apr 1, 2012)

Short term occasional use may make you feel connected and revitalized but long term use will probably have a very detrimental effect. Don't play with fire especially if you are already afflicted with mental health issues.


----------



## Macky (Mar 22, 2012)

lamexicanaaa said:


> Hi Mackey,
> 
> I truly am not promoting it. MDMA has been used on studies with people with PTSD and have shown incredible results. Ecstasy/ MDMA was used for psychological purposes until the population decided to use it as a "fun" time. I wanted to share my experience because i feel there might be an answer in it if not cure for dp/dr. I understand people have gotten dp from it but it seems to take mine away. Ive only done it a couple of times the first time i took it. I looked into the mirror and i finally felt that that was me. I felt real but it only lasted a couple hours. I took another one recently that seemed to take it completely away while under the influence of the molly and a few hours maybe even day afterwards. Different medications work for different people but I can honestly say the molly i took gave me hope. I felt reborn in my own skin like a mother a daughter a sister.


Yea, I get what you're saying. I just think that if I took it I would go really crazy







I've never tried it before though so who knows.


----------



## society's parasite (May 13, 2012)

I never took MDMA , but i'm quite interested, to be honest..i heard many good things about it. 
Even if ,just for a short while, i could feel alive again, maybe just to remember what it was like to feel a bit more positive, that would be good already.
I do believe MDMA can help.Maybe it can give an important insight or something, too.
But i once heard somebody who used a lot of LSD in his days, say that 'drugs open channels in your brain which can, afterwards, not open in the natural way anymore.'
I wonder if this would count for MDMA, too.


----------



## xenabaiche (May 9, 2012)

I used to use it for the same reasons, it made me feel normal. But be careful, that can make it extremely addicting. I haven't done it in over 2 years but I still crave it, and it's almost impossible to say no when someone offers it.


----------



## Guest (May 17, 2012)

lamexicanaaa said:


> Hi Mackey,
> 
> I truly am not promoting it. MDMA has been used on studies with people with PTSD and have shown incredible results. Ecstasy/ MDMA was used for psychological purposes until the population decided to use it as a "fun" time. I wanted to share my experience because i feel there might be an answer in it if not cure for dp/dr. I understand people have gotten dp from it but it seems to take mine away. Ive only done it a couple of times the first time i took it. I looked into the mirror and i finally felt that that was me. I felt real but it only lasted a couple hours. I took another one recently that seemed to take it completely away while under the influence of the molly and a few hours maybe even day afterwards. Different medications work for different people but I can honestly say the molly i took gave me hope. I felt reborn in my own skin like a mother a daughter a sister.


"mdma got you feeling like a champion, the city never sleeps better slip you a ambient" jay z lol nah but really yea its cool that mdma made you feel good but its best to not take illicit substances cause who knows how people end up.. I mean it may seem harmless but I have heard stories of it giving people brain damage...not to try to offended you or your decisions in anyway but you just should be informed. also thats cool your a mexicana im a mexicano de la cienega de escobar durango mexico? de donde eres tu? yo vivo en kansas city pero e vivido anteriormente en chicago y los angeles


----------



## lamexicanaaa (May 12, 2012)

society said:


> I never took MDMA , but i'm quite interested, to be honest..i heard many good things about it.
> Even if ,just for a short while, i could feel alive again, maybe just to remember what it was like to feel a bit more positive, that would be good already.
> I do believe MDMA can help.Maybe it can give an important insight or something, too.
> But i once heard somebody who used a lot of LSD in his days, say that 'drugs open channels in your brain which can, afterwards, not open in the natural way anymore.'
> I wonder if this would count for MDMA, too.


I just took it again on monday, a very small dose, just to prove that it works. It does, at least for me. It gave me a lot of hope. i wont do it again until i learn more about it. If you do it, try a small dose it will at least give you the hope u need to keep going. It feels soooo good to feel your body!


----------



## lamexicanaaa (May 12, 2012)

redcomet2011 said:


> "mdma got you feeling like a champion, the city never sleeps better slip you a ambient" jay z lol nah but really yea its cool that mdma made you feel good but its best to not take illicit substances cause who knows how people end up.. I mean it may seem harmless but I have heard stories of it giving people brain damage...not to try to offended you or your decisions in anyway but you just should be informed. also thats cool your a mexicana im a mexicano de la cienega de escobar durango mexico? de donde eres tu? yo vivo en kansas city pero e vivido anteriormente en chicago y los angeles


Paisa! nacida en chicago de padres de guadalajara jalisco. ive been doing alot of re-search on it i agree that it can cause damage to your brain but i also believe that it can help if brain is already damaged. I appreciate your concern though and i will not be taking until im 100 percent sure it wont do any more damage.


----------



## Midnight (Jul 16, 2011)

What the hell is a 'molly'? You mean mandy? MD, right?

Anyway, the comedown that most people get (myself included) can really fuck you up. I used to get so depressed after taking MD the next 2 or 3 days I swore I wouldn't do it again, yet I did, and that was when I was like 17. God knows what it did to my brain. There were some pills that I took that I'l never forget, which get the dopamine going like mad, but others which were cut with ketamine, PCP etc.

In my reasonably experienced opinion, taking MD while you have depersonalization isn't going to do you any favours.


----------



## lil P nut (May 7, 2011)

Midnight said:


> What the hell is a 'molly'? You mean mandy? MD, right?
> 
> Anyway, the comedown that most people get (myself included) can really fuck you up. I used to get so depressed after taking MD the next 2 or 3 days I swore I wouldn't do it again, yet I did, and that was when I was like 17. God knows what it did to my brain. There were some pills that I took that I'l never forget, which get the dopamine going like mad, but others which were cut with ketamine, PCP etc.
> 
> In my reasonably experienced opinion, taking MD while you have depersonalization isn't going to do you any favours.


yea what you want to do is take some molly and just relaxes, cures dp almost 70 percent of the time i believe


----------



## Guest (May 19, 2012)

lamexicanaaa said:


> Paisa! nacida en chicago de padres de guadalajara jalisco. ive been doing alot of re-search on it i agree that it can cause damage to your brain but i also believe that it can help if brain is already damaged. I appreciate your concern though and i will not be taking until im 100 percent sure it wont do any more damage.


thats cool just as long as you know what your getting into, but if I were you id try more conventional and safe things 1st like meds or therapy or exercise but your an adult and you know what you need to do, and its funny you mention mdma cause I was just watching a video about how mdma helps people alot with ptsd and such so maybe it had that effect on you


----------



## comett (May 5, 2011)

X can really screw up people with DPD making the DPD much worse. 
Read this older thread My link


----------



## tengent (Apr 22, 2012)

Well, my DR/HPPD was caused by LSD. After I had it, I used mushrooms and experienced complete stillness of my mind and body, and everything. It was the most beautiful moment of my life. But the feelings returned the next day. I've read a lot on psychedelic psychotherapy and I'm extremely curious as to how it could be used for people with DR or even HPPD. My intuition tells me these are things that are not caused biologically, but caused by "unresolved inner conflicts." Sure MDMA can give you moments of relief. Yet I see no use in it if you're just going to end up feeling the same as you did before. When you have a therapist guiding you, you can really go to the center of the problems because there is a lot of unconscious resistance to deep inner issues. Ann Shulgin in the book PiHKAL wrote of an encounter with DP/DR (she didn't call it that, she called it a spiritual crisis, but it obviously was DP), and it only lasted a week because she did a lot of working trying to get to root of her issue. After an experience with 2C-B, it went away. Since reading that, I've been extremely tempted to use MDMA or 2C-B/E, though I'm not sure if what we experienced really is the same, and I do not know what I'm doing. I am going to do holotropic breathwork in a week, and it's quite similar to psychedelic psychotherapy, so I'm hoping to be able to get some sort of relief that is going to last.


----------



## Soul Seeker (Jun 6, 2011)

Very nice post tengent, nice to see another Shulgin fan here


----------



## doritocakes (May 20, 2012)

Seems like an excellent idea to me.


----------



## eiji850 (Jun 29, 2010)

the worst idea i have heard in a long time


----------



## davewilly (Feb 1, 2012)

Stay that hell away from any drugs like that, you are asking for big trouble. I triggered my DR 12 years ago from lsd, and made it much worse a few years later taking xtc/mdma. Just no!


----------



## Tek (Jun 17, 2012)

So many people on this thread are too quick to demonize MDMA and Molly without really knowing anything about it. I guess that's fairly typical, though.

MDMA and Molly are serotonin reuptake inhibitors of the most pure form. SRIs are exactly what many doctors are prescribing with positive results in people suffering from various dissociative disorders, especially depersonalization and derealization.

I don't condone using any manmade chemical without personally researching it completely, but I also don't like how the pharmaceutical companies have a throttle grip on modern psychiatry. Don't believe the anti-narcotic hype, folks! And don't be so quick to judge those of us who properly use various narcotics in beneficial and responsible ways.


----------



## Soul Seeker (Jun 6, 2011)

Antidepressants have also caused or worsened DP in many cases on this site, so at the very least, your mileage may vary


----------



## JD84 (Jun 29, 2012)

hi, as someone who used mdma and many other drugs for a long time, I'd like to share something with you that I wish I'd have known when I was 16!.....

THE EXPERIENCE OF MANY PEOPLE THAT GET INTO GETTING WRECKED REGULARLY IS THAT... WHAT DRUGS GIVE YOU WITH ONE HAND, THEY TAKE AWAY WITH THE OTHER.

I've stopped taking anything now because I know from experience that while I will feel great and 'cured' whilst I'm under the influence, it will only make my mental health problems worse in the long run... And delay my recovery. If I were you I'd avoid going down that road. It's pretty likely you'll regret it!

All the best


----------



## Quarter Pounder (Jun 17, 2011)

Haha, people, don't fool yourselves. DP/DR is a binary state, is either on or off. If you already have it, MDMA won't make it worse.

For example, my depersonalization started with weed but I don't think smoking it again will make it worse now. I do regret smoking it in the first place.

Too bad genuine MDMA/molly is hard to find, most of the ecstasy pills are filled with shit.


----------



## CES27 (Aug 27, 2012)

i get wot u meen. x and speed help me alot. but not u no?


----------



## Jamby (Jun 17, 2012)

None of that anti-depressansts I've taken have significantly reduced my DP or depression. It kind of quiets my mind so I don't obsess so much but none of them have lifted the veil to a point where I had anything like normal feelings or emotions. I was still in my numb state. I guess it may have helped the depression but didn't touch the DP. Can't imagine what MMDA would do but depending on the person it sounds like a risky proposition.


----------

