# What is actually happening?



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Can someone explain to me what is actually happening in my brain that causes me to lose all connection to myself? How can you "not feel your body"

How is any of this possible? You guys I would rather not be alive anymore. This isn't life!! At all!


----------



## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

In basic terms its a Chemical Imbalance...Now if I could tell you exactly which chemicals and how much where out of balance I would be rich...

Unfortunately the brain is extremely complex and knowledge of how and why everything inside it operates is in its infancy...As a result any kind of irregular chemical pathway issues going on inside the brain are not yet truly understood...We will get there though...

Remember even though you feel your mind is basically malfunctioning it has amazing powers of regeneration...It can absolutely heal...You WILL get better!


----------



## derrrr (Dec 7, 2016)

I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering so much. When you say you're not connected to yourself, in what way do you mean? As in you feel like you've lost your sense of self?


----------



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

derrrr said:


> I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering so much. When you say you're not connected to yourself, in what way do you mean? As in you feel like you've lost your sense of self?


Well it feels like my soul is gone and i am not connected to my body. I can't feel my body anywhere. And it feels empty like I have no insides. It feels like people are talking to the air when they talk to "me"


----------



## derrrr (Dec 7, 2016)

Alright. So, you're aware of what you're doing and what's happening around you at any given time, but not identifying with what you're doing or what's happening, neither physically nor mentally. The awareness probably precludes schizophrenia since you still have reality-testing intact.

However, some of those symptoms you've mentioned sound like symptoms of a self-disorder, or an ipseity disturbance, which DP is in quite a few regards. I've been reading up on Examination of Anomalous Self-Experience (EASE), and there's a pretty thorough breakdown of the many aspects of a self-disorder, and the affinities DP shares with it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-disorder#EASE_items

If you read through that list, see if you have any other symptoms that fit. I know there's a lot of jargon in there, but maybe you can find useful info that can help you and/or other members find more appropriate/targetted treatment.


----------



## mind.divided (Jul 2, 2015)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> Can someone explain to me what is actually happening in my brain that causes me to lose all connection to myself? How can you "not feel your body"
> 
> How is any of this possible? You guys I would rather not be alive anymore. This isn't life!! At all!


The brain have numbed itself down because you can't "handle" reality. It's a defense mechanism and there is nothing you have to be afraid of. You will eventually recover if you deal with your anxiety and traumas so the defense mechanism can get turned of


----------



## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

My understanding is that either your brain chemicals are out of whack (such as in the case of drug use), or your brain is being starved of vital nutrients, or it is being subjected to various toxins which impede its ability to function properly. These toxins can come from anything ranging from heavy metals in the body, to liver or bowel toxicity (such as in the case of chronic alcoholism, but also constipation for instance). And because the brain requires so many nutrients, as well as so much blood, oxygen etc, it is probably our most delicate organ, meaning even the slightest imbalance can throw it off. This includes mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression, but also trauma. A person could have a combination of the above too, which I would imagine might compound the problem. Don't get me wrong, I am no expert and I don't think anyone can answer this question with complete certainty, but this is the gist of what I have learned from my research.


----------



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

derrrr said:


> Alright. So, you're aware of what you're doing and what's happening around you at any given time, but not identifying with what you're doing or what's happening, neither physically nor mentally. The awareness probably precludes schizophrenia since you still have reality-testing intact.
> 
> However, some of those symptoms you've mentioned sound like symptoms of a self-disorder, or an ipseity disturbance, which DP is in quite a few regards. I've been reading up on Examination of Anomalous Self-Experience (EASE), and there's a pretty thorough breakdown of the many aspects of a self-disorder, and the affinities DP shares with it.
> 
> ...


Yes i am aware but not apart of anything. It's almost like I am a ghost. I don't really feel here. But I still work and function to the best of my ability. It's like I am full of terror 24/7 though too. Which I did experience trauma so it makes sense. I just am worried I won't "reconnect" since the symptoms alone are so traumatic and l spend all my time anxious from them .


----------



## derrrr (Dec 7, 2016)

Okay, so something traumatic happened to ignite this episode. But now it seems the original trauma has branched off into anxiety about the disconnection caused by the trauma, and then anxiety about that anxiety. It continually reinforces itself in a loop.

Do you take any medications about this anxiety or have done any kind of therapy in regards to the trauma?


----------



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

derrrr said:


> Okay, so something traumatic happened to ignite this episode. But now it seems the original trauma has branched off into anxiety about the disconnection caused by the trauma, and then anxiety about that anxiety. It continually reinforces itself in a loop.
> 
> Do you take any medications about this anxiety or have done any kind of therapy in regards to the trauma?


It's like the entire essence of what was me...spirit, soul, personality is completely missing.

Yes and yes. I take meds and unfortunately I am too disconnected to work on the trauma as of right now. But I have tried intensely and desperately yes. I have no idea who I am really. I am just this body walking around


----------



## Marinkawr (Jul 21, 2016)

You know, i'm really sorry for you. I know how horrible it is, i had these symptoms. I don't have disconnection with my personality anymore, since i started to ignore this question who am i, you know who you are, so stick to this, with the time this feeling fading.


----------



## CoffeeGirl9 (Oct 4, 2009)

Marinkawr said:


> You know, i'm really sorry for you. I know how horrible it is, i had these symptoms. I don't have disconnection with my personality anymore, since i started to ignore this question who am i, you know who you are, so stick to this, with the time this feeling fading.


Yes I know what you mean, but it's really hard for me to ignore for some reason. The part of me that used to just be there doesn't feel like it is. It's a feeling you know, not fact but the feeling is so intense. I have some better days but overall this whole sense of not being there is so crazy. That essence that was mine. That personality that most would call happy, sweet, warm. I don't "feel" anything towards anyone or anything amymore and i used to feel everything! It feels pointless to be "alive"


----------



## Hedgehog fuzz (Dec 12, 2016)

mind.divided : where did you get that theory from? is it a well established one? then if that is correct, what is the actual route out to recovery? surely not everybody's DP is the same though.


----------



## mind.divided (Jul 2, 2015)

Hedgehog fuzz said:


> mind.divided : where did you get that theory from? is it a well established one? then if that is correct, what is the actual route out to recovery? surely not everybody's DP is the same though.


Yes, it's a commonly held theory that it's a defense mechanism in play. It makes a lot of sense because we get this after something traumatic and stressful happens to us. Recover is possible but as you said, the process is different for everyone. There is tons of recovery stories on this website so you should read what other people have done and try different methods. I personally believe that dealing with anxiety and changing into a positive mindset is essential for recovery.


----------



## mind.divided (Jul 2, 2015)

RPJ said:


> What if I don't recover?


You will recover!


----------



## derrrr (Dec 7, 2016)

CoffeeGirl9 said:


> It's like the entire essence of what was me...spirit, soul, personality is completely missing.
> 
> Yes and yes. I take meds and unfortunately I am too disconnected to work on the trauma as of right now. But I have tried intensely and desperately yes. I have no idea who I am really. I am just this body walking around


Sorry to hear that. Are you still open to trying other meds? At least to reduce the anxiety? I don't know what you're history is with meds, but sometimes it takes awhile to find something that helps.


----------

