# Advice From Recent or Past Recoveriees



## Guest (Jan 26, 2010)

SO back when I was on lamictal I started getting INTENSE periods of realization. Like I would go into the kitchen and in my brain it literally felt like someone was screaming at me "YOU ARE IN A KITCHEN". Then I would look at the cupboard and it was like someone screaming "HOLY CRAP, THAT'S A CUPBOARD", etc. It got more and more intense until it was like "OMG I'M IN A ROOM. WOAH WHAT ROOM AM I IN? HOW DID I GET HERE? WHO AM I?" and then I would have a massive panic attack and had to hide in bed and take really high doses of benzos because it was just too intense to deal with. It's why I stopped taking Lamictal and now it's back only much less exaggerated. It's been happening in the past few days. I will just get realizations like "I'm a person" or "I'm looking at this coffee cup" or "I have hands", etc. It would seem that with those feelings that clarity would come but I just feel more disoriented when it happens. I am experiencing, I guess more intense dr feelings. Last night I was driving home and honestly felt like more connected to myself. I felt like the old person that I was, was coming to the surface and I wasn't in the land of dp anymore. But at the same time, I also felt really disoriented. I was having feelings like "well, where am I? Where am I going?". Is all of this a part of recovery? Does the "real" world feel disorienting because it has been so long since I've lived in it? I mean, I was in a city that I lived in/near for the past 5 years and I still felt like I didn't know where I was. Or is it just dr and I'm not really recovering at all?


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## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

i know ive tried to give advice. and again, this is the best advice i can give. i cant try to feel or experience what i think i should feel or experience. that will only cause a lot of fear and ill have to keep thinking and thinking to try to maintain what i think i should feel or experience. i have to completely let go, completely surrender my desires and intentions to feel or experience more. we are designed to do all that stuff naturally. that is how we are disigned, we cant control it with our mind. have a little faith in the all of your consciousness that it will heal and become strong and less "dull" or "numb" or something. you will become more familiar with your who you are, your emotions, feelings, soon enough. be patient. practice. takes time.

so heres something i posted. dont know if you read it or not.

accept how you feel right now no matter what. watch the feelings, sensations and emotions that you do have (or what may seem like you dont have) and try not to struggle with it by desiring to change it. we have to be careful when we desire to feel more and experience more. thats how we got into this mess to begin with. you have to be careful when trying to feel more and experience more because that can instantly cause you to struggle with what you are feeling and experiencing right now. that can cause conflict, mental tension, anxiety and ultimately feelings of depersonalization. people want to experience and feel more so much that they actually repress and ignore the feelings and experience that they do have. that can cause you to become very unfamiliar with your self, your feelings, emotions, etc. this causes a depletion of emotional awareness. i know it seems hard at first but you are going to have to let go of those desires and intentions to feel more, be more, and experience more, and simply accept your feelings right now and the experience right now. when you can accept your feelings, your experience, and the present moment, that is when you are allowing consciousness to grow, heal, "straighten up", or however you want to put it. when you can accept and live through those feelings of depersonalization long enough without struggling, repressing, becoming overwhelmed with discourage, you will begin to feel more well.

and so as you begin to feel more well you have to continue to accept the feelings, emotions, experience, and accept who you are. be sure not to get ahead of your self by trying to amplify a feeling or an emotion. take it easy. you will become more familiar with your emotions and who you are. but be patient because your emotions and feelings are a little fragile and it may seem like the slightest negative thought can block, ruin, or casue your feelings to become more "dull" or "numb". so be patient, be here now, accept everything without desiring to much about feeling more, being more, or experiencing more. and relax because you will feel more well, those feelings of depersonalization will go away as soon as you accept what is, who you are right now, what you feel right now, and your experince of right now...without struggling with it or trying to change or modify it.

it helps to keep the mind a little occupied with other things. just try not to worry about it so much because that will make you feel worse. anytime you catch your self worrying, just have to try to put it out of your mind, go on with your life, accept everything without trying to change it or without struggling with it. you will feel more, become more present, more familiar with your self. be a little patient and try not to get discouraged. its not as hard as it may first seem. it gets much easier.

good books help. many things are useful. do whatever helps, whatever allows you to be more accepting. live your life is all you can do. the best way to work on your consciousness is without the mind. any action will defeat your true purpose. which is to be what the universe or God has designed you to be. your awareness, emotions, feelings, and the all of your consciousness is what you are and you are designed perfectly to live, to be free, to heal, and to be aware. accept your feelings, emotions, and watch, listen so that you can become more familiar with your self again. allowing your self to become more familiar with your self again is fun and relaxing, so just enjoy the present moment (THE NOW) while you become more present and familiar with your self.

when you accept your feelings you allow them to become stronger and you become more familiar with what you are feeling and experienceing right now. and so your mind will naturally become harmonious with your emotions, feelings, and your experince. it may seem like your mind can ruin, or block a feeling or emotion just with a subtle negative thought. thats why we have to take it easy for a while, dont desire too much because that will cause struggle, mental friction, anxiety, and more feelings of dp. so again, be patient, your emotoins are a little fragile so treat them as if they are precious, atleasat until they grow stronger. surrender to the present moment and trust in it.

i think your attention may be directed towards your thoughts, what you think you are, what you want to experience, who you want to be, and what you want to feel. the more you create these thoughts the more thoughts you have to create to maintain those representations. and thus, this causes a huge repression of "what is" or the feelings you do have all in pursuit of a "better experience". this repression results in a depletion of emotional awareness causing you to feel more "numb" and more alienated and estranged. memories can even lose their emotional value or their emotional attachment. some claim the memory has become dull and almost foriegn. we do these things because we want to feel safe. almost as if we have to have a mental grasp on everything. but we are already safe. and we dont have to have a mental grasp on everything. the brain, body, and human consciousness has evolved to do it on its own. trust in it. have faith. let go. and know that you will heal. know that you will naturally become aware. that is something that we dont have to do. and any attept to do it will cause mental friction and could result in feelings of depersonalization.

we have to learn to let go and accept what is and what is going on right now. when you let it be and stop repressing, struggling, trying to change, trying to replace perceptions by changing your perspectives on who you are and life in general, and become present with RIGHT NOW,,, the body, brain, mind, emotions, and the all of consciousness will naturally heal and grow into its origianal design. we are not wiser than reality, we are not wiser than the human design, we can not play frankeinstien with our self. who are we to label and judge what is. reality will be weather we accept it or not. we will only be able to see when we allow our consciousness to heal and silent our minds to look within so that we can see and hear. only when you allow it to.

takes practice because at first it does seem hard. things dont make since. but it becomes easier and easier. just have to be patient. dont get discouraged. have faith in creation, evolution, and the human design. some find it the same as having faith in "God". personally i see the too very similar. you will be scared. you will hate it. you will feel "depersonalized". but again, it gets so much easier. just give it a little time. relax. dont stress over things. you are fragile right now. so take it easy. and BE PATIENT. dont even think about what it will be like when you feel more well. you'll have to see for your self. a thought is not reality. it is only a thought. reality is RIGHT NOW. STOP LABELING, JUDGEING, AND CALCULATING EVERYTHING. again, you are not God. you are not wiser than what you truely are (a manifestation of consciousness). so surrender to the present moment, accept it, trust it, it will love you and it will heal you. it is our design. trust it. you will be ok.


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## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

and every chance you get. relax. be comfortable as possible. and then you will feel more relaxed. things are soo much easier when you feel relaxed or comfortable. anytime you catch your self thinking or worrying about it, put it out of your mind. live your life right now is all you can do for now. and stay calm right now, dont think about it, just stop. relax. pat attention to what you are feeling inside your body right now, anything is good, any sensation, anything. dont struggle with trying to feel more. be patient because it will happen. the more you worry the more fearful you are and the more negative thoughts you will have. the more negative thoughts you have the more fear you have. this will pass. its a process. but soon enough it gets easier and easier. eventually the whole experience will be a bad memory.


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## man63 (Jan 26, 2010)

Thank you, that really helped.


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