# Just need to vent.



## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Well this is my 7th year into this shit...I feel like my confidence is down to zero and I haven't been leaving the house much...I went out today to make an effort but I felt afraid dam it what's happening to me.

I also feel ashamed of DPDR which is affecting my confidence also I don't know how to get out of this, am I a fucking baby I don't want to be alone in my house all day and yet I don't want to talk to new ppl. I see my partner when he gets home in the evenings but I am just isolating myself.

Does anyone else feel the same way? Even tho I don't get panic anymore I just have this total irrational fear & everything is closing in on me.


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## L.Z. (Oct 15, 2012)

You will be fine. Don't U ever forget that!


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I don't know I'm starting to loose hope  suicide seems like a pretty good option at this point.

How the fuck did I ever get this bad


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Why do I feel so dam afraid to be in my own fucking body


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

But I feel ashamed about dpdr


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Does anyone want to Skype with me for a while plz


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## Swansea (Jun 11, 2013)

I've been sitting in my house for the last 4 months. I had to quit my job because I was having such bad anxiety. The anxiety has stopped but now all I feel is dpdr. I go running and do yoga but this is by sheer force. I don't even like the feeling of leaving my house and being outside in open space makes me so much more aware of the dp. Distracting myself on the computer is the only think that helps but that's not healthy. If you ever need to talk let me know


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

That's my life too ... I had a hair appointment today and I drove there I couldn't fuckkng get out of the car..


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

This is fucking pathetic


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

It's like I've lost my willpower


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## L.Z. (Oct 15, 2012)

Now u also have bad-hair day?


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## Sike25 (Apr 30, 2012)

These times come a lot. I remember I got out of the hospital and didn't go out for months. Only went to high school then home. You HAVE to force yourself outside. Literally anywhere. Suicide isn't the best option either considering ther is the possibility of no after life.

Jus think what it would be like to feel happiness. Seriously stop reading and think about it. To have good company at all times and love someone. To be in the moment and be with life. Then imagine that not happening because you didn't get out or try your hardest. It's never too late but you need to force yourself. Go out. Go to church. Go do what you need to do and want to do.

Just listen to that one thought. If I try hard enough I can get to where I want to be. I can be happy.


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## lauras (May 13, 2012)

I have some ideas which I'm not sure if you'll be open to, but they might at least be something to think about:

1) Have you considered getting a roommate so you have someone you can talk to during the day? Maybe your partner would be open to that idea if he understood how isolated you are right now?

2) Do you have something you can do every day that you can enjoy and look forward to? Exercising, cooking, crafts, etc.?

3) Could you get a pet or some plants or something else you could take care of that is dependent upon you for its survival/well-being?

4) Are you getting enough sleep/have a good diet/getting enough sunlight/meditating?

5) Are you setting any sort of goals? These could be simple like deciding you're going to walk a little further, or smile at one person.

---

You're only going to be more confident if you do all the things you don't want to do right now, but you probably already know that. You said you went out and made an effort - be proud of that!

Remember that there is nothing shameful about DP/DR, it's a coping mechanism, not a defect.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Thanks guys


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

lauras said:


> I have some ideas which I'm not sure if you'll be open to, but they might at least be something to think about:
> 
> 1) Have you considered getting a roommate so you have someone you can talk to during the day? Maybe your partner would be open to that idea if he understood how isolated you are right now?
> 
> ...


I will definitely take on your suggestions thank u


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Fearless said:


> Even DP is not an excuse for whining and not doing anything. You don't really want to go anywhere from there. You just want to "vent" a little every once in a while, and start it again.


If your going to make comments like this I don't need you posting on my posts.

It is different for you, you recovered in the early days and it is past you now. I did the same too it was way more easier back then. But this shit does wear away at a person eventually. No one likes to wake up feeling numb on a daily basis.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

2 years is nothing.

I got out in my 2nd year too....the sooner you begin recovery the easier and better your chances are for recovery because you still remember what it feels like to have emotions and be yourself & you want to get back so bad.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

You eventually get to a point where you just wana wake up with emotions and forget all the fuck about do


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## googleeyes (Apr 25, 2012)

Well, I have 5 years chronic on top of 8 years episodic. So 13 hellish years combined. 
You will never wake up and feel any different. You can only force yourself to do things that encourage wellbeing.
Being on this forum and seeking a cure is not one of them. 
You need to take time away from focusing on this disorder constantly. It doesn't matter if you feel anxious or if you feel no emotional connection. You need to get out and do things because you can't just dwell on this forever. If it's been 7 years then you need to accept it for what it is and turn the focus back to the external world. It will fade, your habits are just not conducive of this.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Lol fuk that ... That's a dam long time !!


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## googleeyes (Apr 25, 2012)

Edit above


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## heartless (Apr 29, 2013)

you need to force yourself to live. when it first started for me i started to research that shit like crazy, looked up every person who recovered and posted something about it, so i could put together a picture of what it takes to recover. and you are not doing it right. i have lost count of people i saw who have had it 
for 3,5,7,10 years who didn't do much the entire time but obsessed about it and stayed in bed, and after a couple of months that they were really TIRED of this shit (to the point of recovery or suicide, like i was at the beginning) they tried the last thing they haven't- got out of bed, started to force living again, dealt with 
life issues like school, work, relationship, DESPITE the "discomfort" (if dp = discomfort then Stalin = dr. Suess) and recovered within months. 
recovery is hard because in the process you suffer more intensely than when you are "just" dp'ed and do nothing in life, that is why people are having hard time 
STARTING, they carry on with their condition months and even years before getting to (what i call) the Auschwitz point of fight-and-die or surrender-and-die. 
and with dp, if you choose the fight-and-die option (face your life miseries and fears, really acknowledge fear and avoidance as your enemy and not friend), 
you will go through this painful (P_A_I_N_F_U_L) and long (a couple of months) process and you will get to the other side normal and yourself again.


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## Haumea (Jul 11, 2009)

For MissJess:

"Fours at one also realize that self-expression *does not mean indulging in their moods*. They willingly become self-disciplined, working consistently to contribute something worthwhile to their world. No longer aloof bystanders waiting to be recognized, they participate fully in life and develop a stronger sense of themselves through their work and through their connections with others."

For Swansea:

"Moving into greater contact with the life of the body usually brings up intense anxiety for Fives. They feel as if they are going to lose their only defense: the sanctuary of the mind. The mind feels safe, reliable and impregnable; the body feels weak, vulnerable and unreliable. Further, deeper contact with the body begins to allow powerful feelings of grief and sorrow over Fives' long isolation to come into awareness. *Yet only by staying grounded in the body can they feel the inner support to process these long-suppressed feelings*."


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