# I need opinions on my situation!



## esroh (Jan 4, 2017)

Hi, so without getting to deep into my backstory(ive made other threads about that before),
ive had chronic but rather mild DR since age ~ 9 or so. I also had regular episodes of hypochondria/obsession/anxiety about certain things thta were super intense but always only a few weeks usually.
4 years ago i had a massive mental breakdown, hitting the absolute lowest point i couldnt imagine even existed. Stayed in a mental hospital twice for many weeks etc.

Now 4 years later im better BUT i just cant seem to really calm down for any extended period of time. 
This where i need your advice on what may be going on.
Essentially theres always one of three "flavours" of stress present.
1. Straight up classic anxiety 2. Insane Physical restlessness or 3. Pure /hyperawareness ocd

Now im pretty sure that at the root of all of these is just fear or feeling unsafe.
Another pattern ive observed, is that the only times when i can more or less relax are a few hours in the evening when the day is behind me. Thats when the torturous mental and physical agitation may drop a lot.

Now my question is, why can i not calm down? 
I know there are things like hpa axis dysfunction, but the thing is my sleep is actually surprisingly good and im physically rarely exhausted.
Perhaps i am just too constantly focused on how im feeling, which keeps me in a state of high alert. 
Basically the last 4 years have been 99.9% about dpdr and anxiety.
So maybe ive just totally forgotten how to focus back on life....

But im not even sure...often the inner agitation is just so overwhelming that i cant possibly focus on anything.
I know my dpdr is tighly linked to anxiety and stress...
But how do i actually calm down my nervoussystem without it getting right back into nervousness...

Any thoughts are appreciated!
ty


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## AnnaGiulia (Feb 4, 2020)

Hi esroh, I had some great results with EMDR therapy, and contrary to what I first thought, it is not used only in trauma therapy, but also in working with anxiety. I was diagnozed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, among other things, but I knew that was not my problem, but a manifestation of another, deeper problem (unresolved early life traumatization, that caused dissociation and DPDR). I cannot even make a comparison between where I was before EMDR and where I am now...Before EMDR therapy, I came close to a point where I feared my condition was beyond repair. I was lucky to find a good therapist. It took a lot of effort, and it was not easy by any means, but for me it was worth it. I may get worse again, or go back to therapy for some other issues if they come up, but for the time being, since the end of therapy (end of April), I felt ok for most of the time. Ofc, I still have some things I deal with, and I probably always will, but there is no anxiety, no constant tension, fear of going out, feeling nervous or inadequate or dissociated in every social situation. And, yeah, there were some physical manifestations, such as tremor, cramping, night sweats, tics etc., that I do not have any more.
Best,
A.


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## michaeljn99 (Jun 2, 2021)

AnnaGiulia said:


> Hi esroh, I had some great results with EMDR therapy, and contrary to what I first thought, it is not used only in trauma therapy, but also in working with anxiety. I was diagnozed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, among other things, but I knew that was not my problem, but a manifestation of another, deeper problem (unresolved early life traumatization, that caused dissociation and DPDR). I cannot even make a comparison between where I was before EMDR and where I am now...Before EMDR therapy, I came close to a point where I feared my condition was beyond repair. I was lucky to find a good therapist. It took a lot of effort, and it was not easy by any means, but for me it was worth it. I may get worse again, or go back to therapy for some other issues if they come up, but for the time being, since the end of therapy (end of April), I felt ok for most of the time. Ofc, I still have some things I deal with, and I probably always will, but there is no anxiety, no constant tension, fear of going out, feeling nervous or inadequate or dissociated in every social situation. And, yeah, there were some physical manifestations, such as tremor, cramping, night sweats, tics etc., that I do not have any more.
> Best,
> A.


What if there aren't any specific memories that still haunt you? In my case my childhood memories are very blurred and my family can remember more than me about their past. I haven't been able to do EMDR for this reason, and I still live in a toxic environment where I feel constantly on edge and paranoid.


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## AnnaGiulia (Feb 4, 2020)

Hi michaeljn99, I know about these things only from my own experience, and the experience of people close to me, so I will try to respond with what I know for sure. My partner has the same situation as you do, regarding childhood memories, as he barely remembers anything at all. So, at first he thought he has nothing to work with in EMDR, and he was genuinely surprised when the therapist suggested that he tries it. Since he has a lot of social anxiety, they concentrated in therapy on the present time, and the situations that he is experiencing as anxiety-inducing. Now, I realize that therapy is different for everyone, par example him and I, we have completely different experience of therapy, we approach it differently, our goals are different. I don't know how it will work out for him, it is too early too tell, but I found it interesting that one does not have to go so far back with memories, in order to try EMDR.

I am sorry to hear that you are in a toxic environment. It is terrible to feel unsafe in your own home or surrounding. I was not able to remember any of the traumatic memories either, until the age of 42 (yeah, lol, I know). It is like a sci-fi, really. I had memories come up in different parts of my life, but I would always find a way to put them back behind whatever barrier was holding them from re-appearing. And then, when I finally felt safe in life, away from the toxic people and more or less financially secured - one would say, when things were looking up - I had to face it all. I tried CBT first, and it was good, but it didn't have the healing relational part to it, as my trauma and everything it caused, was relational, and it had to be resolved in therapeutic alliance. I had all signs of a severe anxiety, but once I understood it was trauma, all the anxiety became very clear to me, not as an abstract condition that comes out of nowhere, but as a phenomenon of being constantly triggered into the state of paralizing fear, by even the most ordinary of things and situations. I researched everything there was about the treatment, and there were just two more treatments recommended by most experts in the field, besides EMDR, which was somatic experiencing, developed by Peter Levine, and sensorimotor psychotherapy, developed by Pat Ogden. I am not suggesting that you are traumatized, but trauma can mean different things, even neglect can cause it, in particular if it happens early in life, and continues for a longer period. I hope you will find a way out of the toxic surrounding.

Wish you all the best,
A.


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## esroh (Jan 4, 2017)

AnnaGiulia said:


> Hi esroh, I had some great results with EMDR therapy, and contrary to what I first thought, it is not used only in trauma therapy, but also in working with anxiety. I was diagnozed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, among other things, but I knew that was not my problem, but a manifestation of another, deeper problem (unresolved early life traumatization, that caused dissociation and DPDR). I cannot even make a comparison between where I was before EMDR and where I am now...Before EMDR therapy, I came close to a point where I feared my condition was beyond repair. I was lucky to find a good therapist. It took a lot of effort, and it was not easy by any means, but for me it was worth it. I may get worse again, or go back to therapy for some other issues if they come up, but for the time being, since the end of therapy (end of April), I felt ok for most of the time. Ofc, I still have some things I deal with, and I probably always will, but there is no anxiety, no constant tension, fear of going out, feeling nervous or inadequate or dissociated in every social situation. And, yeah, there were some physical manifestations, such as tremor, cramping, night sweats, tics etc., that I do not have any more.
> Best,
> A.


Hi, i did trauma therapy which included emdr for a good 2 years.(plus countless other therapists)
Did nothing at all unfortunately. 
My therapist and me came to the conclusion that there isnt much to "reprocess". I also dont really have memory gaps either. 
Seems like the dynamic is a bit different for me


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## AnnaGiulia (Feb 4, 2020)

Hi esroh, I am sorry none of the therapy helped...Yeah, DPDR can be a very different experience for different people. I hope you will find something to help you with the anxiety, I completely empathize, it is an extremely difficult state to be in.
Best,
A.


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