# Please help contemplating suicide



## amylouise12 (Oct 9, 2014)

I feel as though I have nothing left to live for, I feel completely numb and as though there is literally no hope or emotion inside me. I don't see a way out because I've become so numb.. I don't feel anxious or depressed, happy or sad there is just pure numb blankness. I can't remember any memories past waking up.. I feel like I've only made the numbness worse in 3 years. My family know about my disorder but don't understand that I can't feel. Has anyone with emotional numbness got any idea why it happens or had any improvement? I can't live like this I am seriously contemplating suicide, it's sad the thought doesn't scare me but more makes me feel at ease


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## retep (Mar 19, 2013)

Take your time and read through the recovery stories. There are plenty of people who had it as bad as it gets and somehow recovered. Find inspiration and start building your tools of how to solve your problems- you have the chance for a beautiful life but it takes being patient with yourself and some hard focused work.


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## Meticulous (Jul 30, 2013)

NO please get rid of this thought. There's been plenty of times where I have seriously considered this as well through my 7 years of suffering, but I must say I have gotten a lot better and have hope for a full recovery. As time goes on you will learn more and more about what is good for you, and what isn't. I know how cliche it really sounds but you need to know it does get better.


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## amylouise12 (Oct 9, 2014)

Im trying guys. How have you coped with the emotional numbness? (If that's a symptom you suffer) Mine only seems to be worsening by the day. I really would love to believe that I can recover. My symptoms went from the typical 'DP viel' as if everything looked dreamlike and having existential thoughts to being numb to the point where I feel as though every ounce of emotional response has been removed from my body. Its terrifying and hard to believe I will reverse it without some miracle, I've read the recovery section religiously but time only seems to be the thing that has helped the most by the looks of it. I am going to stay strong and hope that the more I can sit these thoughts out I will be able to rationalise. If anyone with any relation to my symptoms has any advice I would be so grateful if you could pm me, I'm at my widths end. I've heard of people recovering from this after several years but I keep thinking that it was only possible when I was still in that 'dream like' state and now that's gone, I feel completely differen't. I know deep down I don't want to die, I just want to know if it's possible my emotions or sensations will ever return.. it's difficult to think positively with no emotional outline to my thinking. Sorry for the long posts and thankyou for your replies, I doubt I'd still be sane without the information on this forum


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## Meticulous (Jul 30, 2013)

Things really started turning around for me when I truly accepted what I was going through. I replaced the "why did this happen to me?" thoughts with "I'm not going to let this ruin my life." This alone helped more than you can imagine. Once you accept that this happened to you, then the real recovery can begin. You will start seeking ways to improve yourself such as healthy eating, meditation, exercise, etc., and you will stick with them. Once you feel that brief little glimpse of feeling alive, whether it last 10 seconds or an hour, it will instill a large amount of hope and it will motivate you to keep doing the right things in order to recover.


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## seafoamneon (Jul 16, 2014)

Im not 100% sure emotional numbness is DP-related because even people without DP can feel disconnected from their emotions. I think you just have to let yourself feel safe enough to feel your feelings again.

But don't feel alone because Im going through the same exact thing, I felt I made things worse, but Im getting better by not trying to blame myself so hard.

Maybe you're not letting yourself cry? Cuz I used to cry all the time until I stopped feeling safe enough to


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## amylouise12 (Oct 9, 2014)

I wish I was able to cry seafoamneon, If I could cry I would feel so much hope that I still have the ability to feel emotion but I haven't been able to cry in 2 years. It'z crazy with no downplay of this I feel as though someone has injected my brain with novacaine, maybe I did it to myself by being so scared of DP when I first got it but whatever it is it's hard to connect with my emotions now.. talking to people who relate is helping nonetheless, you've had DP 10 years seafoamneon.. wow, you deserve a huge ass medal. How have you coped?


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## Guest (Oct 15, 2014)




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## amylouise12 (Oct 9, 2014)

It truly is incredible how positive you guys remain throughout this.

It gives me hope, maybe one day things will be right again. I can only come to the conclusion that this is a spiritual test we are being put through to come out the other end, I'm not afraid of death as I believe it's just a passing to another dimension of life but I would much rather live a beautiful and meaningful life here first.


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## Wendy (Aug 7, 2013)

I don't know you in real-life, I just know you from a username and posts, but I can tell you're a good person with a helluva lot of talent in you. Your problems may suck now, but know that they are not permanent. Your numbness will not last forever, your pain will not last forever, and your unreality will not last forever. It takes time to heal and recover, but I assure you that, once you do recover, you'll be in a much better place and I promise you that you'll reach that place. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - and they are temporary, because you're strong and you'll get through this. I know this and you know this.

If you ever need help or feel like you're in a tough spot, my inbox is always open, as well as many other users here. Post if you feel like posting, message if you feel like messaging. We're here for you, that's what this community was made for.  I hope everything gets better! Good luck!


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Hey Hun....don't give up...I was just like u and at the worst place u cud possibly imagine. I felt dead and numb for a number of years the only place that saved my ass was john of god the famous Brazilian healer....u can read my post here: http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/48340-my-recovery-story-after-7-long-years-thanks-to-john-of-god-faith-healer/

I know exactly the place u are in and it is hell...but u CAN be helped

Xxx


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## amylouise12 (Oct 9, 2014)

Misdeeds how would I go about seeing th Joshua in the UK?


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## deinonychus (Jan 7, 2014)

I'm sure when you were younger if you could see into the future you would not believe you could possibly feel this bad...well the same works in reverse, trust me. Just because you can't see it now it doesn't mean amazing times aren't ahead.

This stupid disorder is just a passing phase, you will emerge stronger and happier than ever before and will thank your lucky stars you stuck with it!

Take it from me, I have been there but when I first fell into DP I didn't have this site to help me out, you have an advantage and can recover much quicker than I did.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

amylouise12 said:


> Misdeeds how would I go about seeing th Joshua in the UK?


Was that meant for me? U have to keep an eye out for uk events by watching emmanual tv or u can email them directly


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