# Feeling like you don't exist



## Dick

Anyone else have severe problems with this feeling?

Of all the symptoms and different mental manifestations of DP/DR I find this the worst...

If I look directly in the mirror or allow my thoughts to wonder for even a second to long I almost always end up feeling like I don't exist. Like I am just an obscure consciousness tagging along on a robotic body. I believe the most accurate description for someone who's never experienced this would be soul loss... I expect the victims of dementors in the harry potter books feel like this.

It really scares me to the core.

But the odd thing is that all spiritual ideas that I respect have some variation of this state as their ultimate goal [well actually more often it's the step just before the ultimate goal], usually referred to as the abyss. I wonder how anyone can possibly traverse it... but it gives me hope that people do manage it...

urgh


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## Brandon78123

uh yea.. i do, the feeling never leaves me, it is one of the worst symptoms of dp. It is a very strange and disturbing feeling. i like the way you described it,"an obscure consciousness tagging along on a robotic body". Thats exactly how i feel every day. Its like I'm not a body, im just a consciousness. and when i talk, its almost like my mouth has a mind of its own, like im not thinking the words to speak, but i am. Im just non existent... ugh i hate it so much. i feel so dumb all the time, i hate this, i feel like i want to give up sometimes.


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## SistA HazeL

Oh gosh, I feel like this a lot of the time...

More like I'm fading away or something. It's so bad.
I'm just merely existing. It seems like I've died and became a living corpse or something.


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## rhodochrosite

I feel it constantly, too. The worst part for me happens when I'm doing something--anything--and suddenly I feel like a computer program and lose all enthusiasm for everything. I don't know how many times I've been ecstatic to go somewhere, but in transit that unreal feeling sets in & I only can float around the place.


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## dgkallday

Hey, I really like how you described it, a obscure consciouns tagging along with a robotic body. I have this feeling too, and have never found a good way to describe it, but that is pretty much it. And this feeling of being soulless, I feel that too! It is like you are living life and you are only half alive. It is reassuring to me that somebody feels this same thing as I do, and really, it is a hard thing to describe, but in the end, you know that you do not feel normal.


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## Dick

dgkallday said:


> Hey, I really like how you described it, a obscure consciouns tagging along with a robotic body. I have this feeling too, and have never found a good way to describe it, but that is pretty much it. And this feeling of being soulless, I feel that too! It is like you are living life and you are only half alive. It is reassuring to me that somebody feels this same thing as I do, and really, it is a hard thing to describe, but in the end, you know that you do not feel normal.


Knowing that other people are feeling the same way really helps a lot. Makes me feel less robotic.


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## SeaFoam

i don't have the feelings of nonexistence, but when i look in the mirror i dont see myself anymore, i see another person. as if im just looking through glass at someone mimicking my movements that isnt really me.


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## Dreamland

My DP feels exactly like this sensation of non-existence. It's almost as if your conscience has been relegated to a form of light, or energy, and you're just wandering through space and time in some existentialist trap or vortex. The only upside to this nightmare is that the feelings are transient, so just bear in mind that no matter how crappy or "insane" you happen to feel, you will get better in the end; it's like that proverbial DP roller coaster.


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