# Is it DP that makes life a blur? Is it wasting all our lives?



## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night sweating buckets, my heart pounding, and what I feel could only describe as pure terror. The moment I wake up the thought that enters my mind and consumes me is that death will be coming soon and I will one day wake up and be an old man and instead of terror the thing that will fill me will be regret, having wasted my life living in a detached haze. Yeah, you could write these experiences off as a panic attack, but the fear behind the extreme reaction seems justified to me. 5 years have passed and it's felt like 6 months, is this because of DP or is this just how it is for everyone?

I'm 22 and life has passed by so quickly. In 22 more years I will be 44 fucking years old. Jesus Christ. 66 when 22 more years pass. 22 years after that I'll probably be dead, and if not, I'll probably want to be dead from shitting my pants and losing my dignity on a daily basis. I never thought I could relate to Peter Pan, but I really don't want to grow old.

My youth has and is being stolen from me because of DP, I'll never get it back, and the only thing I have to look forward to is torture in the form of aging.

Anyway, that's what's been on my mind for a little while, sorry to whine.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

Tam said:


> delete this dude, dont need that negative stuff :/


I understand your reaction, but this is the "how I feel" section, and this is something that's been bothering me. I try to be positive and give advice in most of my posts, but I'm only human. Sometimes I have bad days and I need to vent. Sorry.


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## sherlock (Sep 30, 2011)

it's extremely frustrating. I haven't had this as long as you have, but I can imagine how you're feeling.

when I look back on yesterday, the day before that, weeks ago, months ago, the present now, it's very blurry.

fuck, why can't we just snap out of this nightmare?


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## kukutininkas (Apr 9, 2010)

Dude this is the most objective and realistic expression of somebody's state of being ever read on this page. I really doubt that this one could be minded as a negative stuff.


Tam said:


> delete this dude, dont need that negative stuff :/


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## kukutininkas (Apr 9, 2010)

Just turned here praise your eloquence and abillity to express your point. and wanted to share my thoughts about this, because what you wrote is what i'am worrying about myself too.your article really corelates to what i would describe on my story. As a person having dp as a side effect of scizophrenia i could tell that i have more horror in my life just even having just A dp.


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## DP boy (Mar 20, 2012)

the dude above me i hope you get dp for a good 6 months. Now to address this dp making you feel as if yoour going to waste your life you have to just see through this nonsense. A slef forfilling prophecy is when what you feard beacomes your fate only beacuse you feard it so. This disgust and pain you probably feel in your chest when thinking will my whole life be like this proves you still have anxiety and justifies you still having dp. When these thoughts are gone when the anxiety is gone dp will follow. It is counter productive to post things like this I completely understand your need to vent but this is not the way to do it write this down in a journal and mark the date and when you start feeling a little better journal it and mark that date. Cuz not your gonna have people who have had this 20 or more years start commenting and agreeing with you and its just going to really make you feel like shit . Also to those who have had this decades plus i do not doubt you have tried ur very hardest to recover and my heart goes out to you ur very brave people. though you are the 1 perecnt and i beklive ur trying the wrong way and probly have some deep unsettled trama.. 5 years isnt 20 years ive seen dozens of posts of peole who recover after 6 years 8 years plus. there people who recover after 20 years theres not limt its never 2 late to recover. also do your work out reguarly do you avoid gmos aspertame and flouride there are many varibles to having a quick full recovery. The only wasted life is a wasted life. If u drown in a toilet after you od on herion thats a wated life if you take bathsalts and eat a guys face thats a wasted life. Fuck your perception every action you take means something give your life purpose. Turn to God when you would like to be directed to what that purpose is yes hes real.


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

DP boy said:


> seriuosly man, after so many time with DP and you still with this kind of thought? man, STAND UP, fight this fuck! FIGHT IT, you are afraid of using your power !! so you wake up with terror, what is scaring you? is it the future? thinking that you are screwed forever? NO MAN! say that! scream I AM NOT SCREWED, FUCK THIS, THIS IS B U L L S H I T! I AM STRONGER THAN THIS !! be angry about it, oh yeah, use your anger, and your fear will be subdued by your power


These are fleeting concerns and fears, I don't let them bog me down in the day to day...but sometimes I can only partially push them in the back of my mind. I never let them derail my progress or control me, though.

I know what you mean by anger being useful. The other day I was taking a walk after dark and I noticed this lamp near a tree that was particularly aesthetically pleasing, but it felt as if I wasn't "there" to enjoy it. At first I felt disappointed, a little bummed, a little worried and wondering about just how long I'll be like this, then I just got mad and pushed those things aside. Strangely, there was calm in my anger, and it focused my thoughts and will on the fact that one day I'll be able to be present in the moment, and even if it would take a while, I realized that I still have control over how I respond and how I act.

What you say is true.


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## Sam- (Oct 9, 2012)

it's an unfortunate thought we all have to deal with. But as long as you can recognize it as a thought, and you know it's not right, then half your battle has been fought. Thoughts are that and nothing more. They cannot hurt you. We all fear this on a daily bases, but you have to push through it. Even on days when you feel like you're in a world that doesn't register in your mind, keep going. It may just be on auto-pilot, but don't stop. Someone once said that you must do the thing you fear the most. Eventually it will become a habit and you won't fear it anymore.


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## DP boy (Mar 20, 2012)

fenetdiref i now hope you get dp for a year and 6 months


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## DP boy (Mar 20, 2012)

I hope you have it for 2 years


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## tommy2p (Oct 27, 2012)

My whole life feels like a blur. Days just keep rolling off faster and faster and I hate it I think about the same things everyday about how it's just passing me by, how I've passed my childhood and teenager life and dont even feel like I lived it and I can't do anything. but it's all just a big massive blur like you said. 
Do you find it hard to recall memories?? There's so much people Rember about things we have done that I have no memory of doing sometimes I say yeah and just pretend I do but I really have no idea. And people don't understand that when I say I can't Rember I really can't.


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## JackDanielß (Nov 28, 2012)

GroupHug said:


> Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night sweating buckets, my heart pounding, and what I feel could only describe as pure terror. The moment I wake up the thought that enters my mind and consumes me is that death will be coming soon and I will one day wake up and be an old man and instead of terror the thing that will fill me will be regret, having wasted my life living in a detached haze. Yeah, you could write these experiences off as a panic attack, but the fear behind the extreme reaction seems justified to me. 5 years have passed and it's felt like 6 months, is this because of DP or is this just how it is for everyone?
> 
> I'm 22 and life has passed by so quickly. In 22 more years I will be 44 fucking years old. Jesus Christ. 66 when 22 more years pass. 22 years after that I'll probably be dead, and if not, I'll probably want to be dead from shitting my pants and losing my dignity on a daily basis. I never thought I could relate to Peter Pan, but I really don't want to grow old.
> 
> ...


Was your DP Cannabis induced?


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

JackDanielß said:


> Was your DP Cannabis induced?


Yes.


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## Justinian585 (Dec 4, 2012)

GroupHug said:


> Yes.










I wish I could go back and smack that poison out of my hands.


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## Nikorii (Jun 23, 2012)

This is exactly how I feel... I've had DP for almost a year and it feels just like yesterday.. Everything goes by so fast, it's insane. I feel like I'm wasting my life. I can't even feel anything for life..


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## DP boy (Mar 20, 2012)

with dp you can either precive time going by extremley slow or extremly fast theres no in the middle i find it much less anxiety provoking to perciving it going by slow you all have this abillity with dp use it. this is just a symptom guys comon


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## Quarter Pounder (Jun 17, 2011)

Susto said:


> seriuosly man, after so many time with DP and you still with this kind of thought? man, STAND UP, fight this fuck! FIGHT IT, you are afraid of using your power !! so you wake up with terror, what is scaring you? is it the future? thinking that you are screwed forever? NO MAN! say that! scream I AM NOT SCREWED, FUCK THIS, THIS IS B U L L S H I T! I AM STRONGER THAN THIS !! be angry about it, oh yeah, use your anger, and your fear will be subdued by your power


Fuck yeah! We should try this method to cure cancer and AIDS too


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## emjmoorXJ (Oct 22, 2012)

I need to marry a DP sufferer wen I'm older. It seems he only ones to understand my fears and points on how i can't physically do something without panicking and looking at me crazy are fellow DP/DR suffers. You guys are awesome. This site has done more to help me recover than any doctor who doesn't understand DP/DP cuz he's never had it


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## mipmunk40 (Nov 13, 2012)

time goes by slowly, I have had DP for 3 months before, 3 days of depression caused by DP to kick off, and I feel like it is wasting my life definitely, trapped in my own head with an abnormal state of consciousness, bloody horrible!!


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## GroupHug (Jul 6, 2012)

RugbyHuntress said:


> I need to marry a DP sufferer wen I'm older. It seems he only ones to understand my fears and points on how i can't physically do something without panicking and looking at me crazy are fellow DP/DR suffers. You guys are awesome. This site has done more to help me recover than any doctor who doesn't understand DP/DP cuz he's never had it


I've never met a person who had never heard of DP that actually cares when you tell them you have it...even people I thought would didn't, because they just don't understand. They have no idea what you're talking about, they look at you like you're insane, and they just nod and say, "Yeah...".


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