# DP and Relationships



## kelly14 (Jul 17, 2008)

I feel worse than ever today. I am trying to so hard to be a better person and shake this disorder and go to therapy and keep getting myself educated on DP, but nothing seems to give!
I had a huge fight with my boyfriend today and i don't remember all of it cause i depersonalized so bad when it was going on that i dont even know what i said. I'm sure i overreacted and blew up and carried on, and i'm so ashamed and embarassed that i can't recall anything during an episode. Can't tell him cause it will make things even worse - ughhhh!!!
DP and relationships just dont work out - and it TOTALLY sucks!
I dunno, but maybe i am sabotaging the relationship because i dont want them to find out that this is wrong with me, or i feel they deserve a better person who doesn't have this problem.... whatever....


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Sounds like a very bad day.
dpd and relationships is a difficult mix. You have to work extra hard.

I have had lots since I got dpd.
I have always told my partners what I have pretty much up front - to a point.
You have to be careful what you tell them. If you say "I don' have feelings towards people, I feel like a Robot." Then you are f-cked.
I don't say depersonalization even. If they look it up on the net there could be trouble.
I say I have a dissociative disorder that makes me spacey and have problems with time almost like I am high all the time...bla bla. Make it intriguing.

My wife read "Feeling Unreal" suddenly her attitude towards me changed. She was looking at me in a strange way when I talked to her and our kids. She didn't trust what I was saying.

We had a fight and I said "what is going on". She burst out crying and said "I married a ghost". I laughed because I figured it out right away. That made things worse. She said "see you don't have any feelings". God it was funny.
I thought she had gone on the internet but it was that book.

I have never been able to read it. She was reading accounts from people saying the typical DP stuff.
I have the worst DP you can get. Totally gone. Time distortion, unable to visualize, 2d looking world, fast things like cars move in a jercky fashion, memory problems. The most common thing I say to people is "we did that? When?".

I just don't feel that ?just DPed? way anymore. I still have the above symptoms, but, I am filled with love for my kids. I love my wife and my family.
Somehow is still there but it's not.

I spend so much time on this site because it makes me feel. 
Bad or concerned first, when I read a sad story like yours Kelly, and then happy when someone is fixed up or just feeling better.

The point is something is in there. Something makes you care about him even if you think the best thing is to break up. That?s caring.

Also you are not a bad person if you have dpd.

You are a good person. Look you are putting the welfare of your boyfriend above your needs. 
I don't think you need to break up unless it is causing stress that is making you worse.

I guess I blabbed on about myself a bit.

Tell him you are high all the time. What the hell.

Don't try to be a better person - you already are.

I hope I am helping a bit.


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## Robsy (Dec 3, 2007)

Mark....you are one in a million. Great role model. You say things with such clarity and patience, and every word seems to be thought out.

This post made such lovely sense and I back it up.

You do care for your boyfriend, I got one whilst Dp'd and i do care but i dont...

Serioulsy as Mark said the fact you are writing about this topic means you do care.

Infact it wouldnt surprise me if you are crying whilt reading this, so go on have a good cry, you're a wonderful person that just cares 

x


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## Mark (Jul 21, 2008)

Gee Robsy,
I am all sheepish and blushie now.
I hope Kelly Is better.
Go Kelly Go!


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