# recovery. heres how. when ever you are ready.



## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

accept how you feel right now no matter what. watch the feelings, sensations and emotions that you do have (or what may seem like you dont have) and try not to struggle with it by desiring to change it. we have to be careful when we desire to feel more and experience more. thats how we got into this mess to begin with. you have to be careful when trying to feel more and experience more because that can instantly cause you to struggle with what you are feeling and experiencing right now. that can cause conflict, mental tension, anxiety and ultimately feelings of depersonalization. people want to experience and feel more so much that they actually repress and ignore the feelings and experience that they do have. that can cause you to become very unfamiliar with your self, your feelings, emotions, etc. this causes a depletion of emotional awareness. i know it seems hard at first but you are going to have to let go of those desires and intentions to feel more, be more, and experience more, and simply accept your feelings right now and the experience right now. when you can accept your feelings, your experience, and the present moment, that is when you are allowing consciousness to grow, heal, "straighten up", or however you want to put it. when you can accept and live through those feelings of depersonalization long enough without struggling, repressing, becoming overwhelmed with discourage, you will begin to feel more well.

and so as you begin to feel more well you have to continue to accept the feelings, emotions, experience, and accept who you are. be sure not to get ahead of your self by trying to amplify a feeling or an emotion. take it easy. you will become more familiar with your emotions and who you are. but be patient because your emotions and feelings are a little fragile and it may seem like the slightest negative thought can block, ruin, or casue your feelings to become more "dull" or "numb". so be patient, be here now, accept everything without desiring to much about feeling more, being more, or experiencing more. and relax because you will feel more well, those feelings of depersonalization will go away as soon as you accept what is, who you are right now, what you feel right now, and your experince of right now...without struggling with it or trying to change or modify it.

it helps to keep the mind a little occupied with other things. just try not to worry about it so much because that will make you feel worse. anytime you catch your self worrying, just have to try to put it out of your mind, go on with your life, accept everything without trying to change it or without struggling with it. you will feel more, become more present, more familiar with your self. be a little patient and try not to get discouraged. its not as hard as it may first seem. it gets much easier.

good books help. many things are useful. do whatever helps, whatever allows you to be more accepting. live your life is all you can do. the best way to work on your consciousness is without the mind. any action will defeat your true purpose. which is to be what the universe or God has designed you to be. your awareness, emotions, feelings, and the all of your consciousness is what you are and you are designed perfectly to live, to be free, to heal, and to be aware. accept your feelings, emotions, and watch, listen so that you can become more familiar with your self again. allowing your self to become more familiar with your self again is fun and relaxing, so just enjoy the present moment (THE NOW) while you become more present and familiar with your self.

when you accept your feelings you allow them to become stronger and you become more familiar with what you are feeling and experienceing right now. and so your mind will naturally become harmonious with your emotions, feelings, and your experince. it may seem like your mind can ruin, or block a feeling or emotion just with a subtle negative thought. thats why we have to take it easy for a while, dont desire too much because that will cause struggle, mental friction, anxiety, and more feelings of dp. so again, be patient, your emotoins are a little fragile so treat them as if they are precious, atleasat until they grow stronger. surrender to the present moment and trust in it.

i think your attention may be directed towards your thoughts, what you think you are, what you want to experience, who you want to be, and what you want to feel. the more you create these thoughts the more thoughts you have to create to maintain those representations. and thus, this causes a huge repression of "what is" or the feelings you do have all in pursuit of a "better experience". this repression results in a depletion of emotional awareness causing you to feel more "numb" and more alienated and estranged. memories can even lose their emotional value or their emotional attachment. some claim the memory has become dull and almost foriegn. we do these things because we want to feel safe. almost as if we have to have a mental grasp on everything. but we are already safe. and we dont have to have a mental grasp on everything. the brain, body, and human consciousness has evolved to do it on its own. trust in it. have faith. let go. and know that you will heal. know that you will naturally become aware. that is something that we dont have to do. and any attept to do it will cause mental friction and could result in feelings of depersonalization.

we have to learn to let go and accept what is and what is going on right now. when you let it be and stop repressing, struggling, trying to change, trying to replace perceptions by changing your perspectives on who you are and life in general, and become present with RIGHT NOW,,, the body, brain, mind, emotions, and the all of consciousness will naturally heal and grow into its origianal design. we are not wiser than reality, we are not wiser than the human design, we can not play frankeinstien with our self. who are we to label and judge what is. reality will be weather we accept it or not. we will only be able to see when we allow our consciousness to heal and silent our minds to look within so that we can see and hear. only when you allow it to.

takes practice because at first it does seem hard. things dont make since. but it becomes easier and easier. just have to be patient. dont get discouraged. have faith in creation, evolution, and the human design. some find it the same as having faith in "God". personally i see the too very similar. you will be scared. you will hate it. you will feel "depersonalized". but again, it gets so much easier. just give it a little time. relax. dont stress over things. you are fragile right now. so take it easy. and BE PATIENT. dont even think about what it will be like when you feel more well. you'll have to see for your self. a thought is not reality. it is only a thought. reality is RIGHT NOW. STOP LABELING, JUDGEING, AND CALCULATING EVERYTHING. again, you are not God. you are not wiser than what you truely are (a manifestation of consciousness). so surrender to the present moment, accept it, trust it, it will love you and it will heal you. it is our design. trust it. you will be ok.


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## rtheserlivez (Jan 22, 2010)

this is one of the most helpful posts ive read because one of the main problems i have is with constantly telling myself how to feel and when to feel it, and of course after that comes is the forcing of those feelings into your mind, which ive done so much that i really cant figure out how to get out of it. I really dont know how i really feel in the moment anymore because ive been controlling those sensations every minute of every day for several years now. I do think this is a great way to help the problem though, since depersonalization is basically there to shut out emotions. Im curious though, have you recovered using this method? if not, how far has it taken you? it helps me to know because if i can really trust it, then ill follow through with it.


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## fieldsmatt31 (Dec 16, 2009)

uh ya i dont have any feelings of "depersonalization" anymore. sometimes i get a little nervous but thats it. ive been meditating everyday to allow my consciousness and energy to flow freely again. after you learn to quit blocking all those feelings and awareness you can than learn how to allow that awareness and feelings to open back up or glow or grow stronger, however you want to say it. but ya you will notice that awareness manifests as feelings and sensations in different areas of the body, starting from the base of the spine to the top of the crown. cant force anything, cant amplify anything. just quiet your mind and listen and watch and become aware and more familiar with the different "levels" or "areas" of consciousness. than you will become more awake, more present with your self, others, and the earth. you will than become more familiar with your true self. practice, patience, dont be discouraged. gotta learn how to just be. be here now. you are you, no matter what. the easier it gets and the more well and awake you become, the easier it is to stop thinking about it. but its good to just go ahead and stop worrying and constantly thinking about it, that causes tension and struggles, which causes more anxiety and ultimately more feelings of alienation and estrangement.

thats just what ive been doing. helps me a lot. but you cant really believe what anyone tells you. you have to see for your self.


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## rtheserlivez (Jan 22, 2010)

i see, my problem is that i have a secondary 'mental illness' called Social anxiety disorder. I cant heal from the social anxiety because im numb to alot of the sensations that go with having SA. Ive been told to fully feel it, go through it and come out the other side, but need to overcome depersonalization first before i can feel the sensations that im suppose to be going through. And its quite difficult because ive been using the dp for my anxiety..and dont know how to stop using the it when im faced everyday with something i fear intensely, i dont know how to break the cycle. I posted something giving the background of all this in my life, if you check it out and have any more helpful advice, its greatly appreciated.


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## alphaman (Nov 4, 2005)

I read your bigger post.

I also got triggered badly by pot when I was 17 - not the first time - but one of the worst. Oh boy, that was bad. As I would imagine a bad acid trip to me (I got put off any hallcinagens after that).

The thing is I did not tell anyone I was having my mind fucked by pot at the time. Just walked home went to bed and dealt with the trauma and flashbacks for the next few weeks.

In retrospect, don't you see how much in denial of my own reality I was? Or isolating myself? Didn't tell my mum, or go to a doctor, or tell my friend who I was with I was freaking out.

Its strange how I feel like I'm going insane inside - and if bad enough suicide would be logical - yet outside I'm pretty much normal for fear of transgressing social aspects. Funny that - you think rolling on the floor screaming would be the most appropriate thing to do when facing ego annihilation! LOL

Anyhow - I noticed you said in the first message you had hardly told anyone about your problems. this imo is damaging in and of itself. Just having someone you can tell ANYTHING to is incredibly healing in and of itself - and face to face especially. Your story. You can;t carry it all by yourself, its like kryptonite.

Muscular twitching seems to be (at least for me) a part of emotional/holistic healing. Its been talked about here before, check out Peter Levines work. I've ended up shaking on the bed like a crazy man and screaming into a pillow in the past when just letting my body do what it wants to. You may notice a shoulder or eyelid twitch slighty sometimes... but you suppress it. Try giving yourself permission to express it more.

Maybe don't try and fix the seeming tautology between Dp and SAD. Just leave them be. Maybe try and stop thinking you have to be a certain way, or being scared of situation is 'wrong'.

Members of my family have quite a bit of anxiety in general in various forms. One of them is going to hypnotherapist which she says has been really useful.

I found energy healing very powerful. Some may dimiss it as new age bunk but it works for me - however it works! I don't think theres any different between the physical and the spiritual (everything is everything) -- but the physical is certainly not all there is, at least I believe that.

I believe our unconcious or soul or whatever has a lot of wisdom and will guide us somehow through a healing path. At least, having that belief is useful for me. I reckon everyone has a different path so its hard to make generalizations. I'm not religious on a day to day basis but prayer can help. We need kind gods and invisible powers because modern culture seems to have destroyed them all. We are just consumer flesh robots. If one breaks, give it some drugs. If they don't work, well tough. I found during my mini-breakdown 5 years ago I just got to the end of the line.... I could no longer carry even my conciousness by itself and my soul just felt fractured. I had to them reach out beyond myself - this is an important turning point.

Anyway I won't post much more on this site but I did want to stop in and basically share my recovery notes with my recent bout of DP/DR and offer support to everyone else.

Take care.



rtheserlivez said:


> i see, my problem is that i have a secondary 'mental illness' called Social anxiety disorder. I cant heal from the social anxiety because im numb to alot of the sensations that go with having SA. Ive been told to fully feel it, go through it and come out the other side, but need to overcome depersonalization first before i can feel the sensations that im suppose to be going through. And its quite difficult because ive been using the dp for my anxiety..and dont know how to stop using the it when im faced everyday with something i fear intensely, i dont know how to break the cycle. I posted something giving the background of all this in my life, if you check it out and have any more helpful advice, its greatly appreciated.


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