# Am I a sociopath?



## sonnl

Ive been wondering that recently, if I am one or not. Obviously I dont kill people or get pleasure out of torching animals(animals are actually the only things ive ever fully cared about in my life), but for as long as I can remember ive been cut off from my emotions. I have a horible sence of right and wrong, and spent most of my youth in and out of jail. Ive committed horrible crimes just for money, and sometimes just sheer fun. I used to pride myself on being the worlds greatest liar. I destroyed a great relationship because of lies. But at the same time I wasn’t all bad, and had a big heart in some cases. Everyone liked me. And when I look back at all my failures, I dont care so much of what happend, whether it was right or wrong to have done it, i just care that i got caught. If i had never been busted with anything i would have never even cared i did it. Over the years though, I grew colder and more distant. Dp definatley sped up that process, I wasnt nearly this bad right before I got DP. Now its at the point where I don’t care about anything. I haven’t experienced fear, happiness, pain, sorrow, none of it in a long time. I don’t care about anyone, weather they live or die, nothing. So what is this?


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## ValleyGirl

sonnl said:


> Ive been wondering that recently, if I am one or not. Obviously I dont kill people or get pleasure out of torching animals(animals are actually the only things ive ever fully cared about in my life), but for as long as I can remember ive been cut off from my emotions. I have a horible sence of right and wrong, and spent most of my youth in and out of jail. Ive committed horrible crimes just for money, and sometimes just sheer fun. I used to pride myself on being the worlds greatest liar. I destroyed a great relationship because of lies. But at the same time I wasn't all bad, and had a big heart in some cases. Everyone liked me. And when I look back at all my failures, I dont care so much of what happend, whether it was right or wrong to have done it, i just care that i got caught. If i had never been busted with anything i would have never even cared i did it. Over the years though, I grew colder and more distant. Dp definatley sped up that process, I wasnt nearly this bad right before I got DP. Now its at the point where I don't care about anything. I haven't experienced fear, happiness, pain, sorrow, none of it in a long time. I don't care about anyone, weather they live or die, nothing. So what is this?


Well, if you did these things before dp, it's possible that you might have it. My brother in law's cousin is a sociopath and from what I understand, sociopaths don't understand emotions. They don't feel them. They don't care about other people, at all, ever. They lie, cheat, steal, commit murder to try and feel something. If you feel like you really might have this issue, go see a counselor.


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## EverDream

I don't know you but I think you are a nice guy. I think that deep inside you have feelings and emotions. You did some bad things in your past but it doesn't mean you are a sociopath. And you didn't hurt anybody. I know it sounds weird, but maybe you've got DP cause you knew you have to change your life. I see DP also as a wake up call that tells you that something is wrong in your life.

I was the total opposite of you. Since I was little I cared too much. I always tried to do the right thing. Iv'e never did any crime. I was always the good kid. Never used drugs, nothing. I even never picked up to anyone when I was a kid, the way kids sometimes do. My morals were very high. Still I've got DP too from lots of different reasons.

Anyway, I wanted to say that I have this feeling that deep inside you are truly good.
What do you think?


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## Guest

sonnl said:


> Ive been wondering that recently, if I am one or not. Obviously I dont kill people or get pleasure out of torching animals(animals are actually the only things ive ever fully cared about in my life), but for as long as I can remember ive been cut off from my emotions. I have a horible sence of right and wrong, and spent most of my youth in and out of jail. Ive committed horrible crimes just for money, and sometimes just sheer fun. I used to pride myself on being the worlds greatest liar. I destroyed a great relationship because of lies. But at the same time I wasn't all bad, and had a big heart in some cases. Everyone liked me. And when I look back at all my failures, I dont care so much of what happend, whether it was right or wrong to have done it, i just care that i got caught. If i had never been busted with anything i would have never even cared i did it. Over the years though, I grew colder and more distant. Dp definatley sped up that process, I wasnt nearly this bad right before I got DP. Now its at the point where I don't care about anything. I haven't experienced fear, happiness, pain, sorrow, none of it in a long time. I don't care about anyone, weather they live or die, nothing. So what is this?


Wow, interesting question. And sonni, though one knows no one on the internet, what you describe about yourself surprises me. What you describe would yes, be considered sociopathy. I think the "deadly triad" of continued bed-wetting into later childhood/arson/torture of animals goes with the "serial killer" model, but you describe sociopathic behavior/narcissitic personality disorder. I certainly can't diagnose you, but I am very much into forensic psychology and true crime and profiling. I've also met some sociopaths in my day. If you went further ... you would then you would take the final step into murder or who knows?

There is no indication that DP/DR would CAUSE you to be this way. Individuals with DP/DR who are not sociopaths as far as I understand have empathy, feelings of remorse. This is a separate issue. I would say it is part of your nature, or perhaps there was something in your childhood -- abuse/dysfunction that kicked in a predisposition.

My ultimate example of narcissistic and psychopathic behavior is OJ Simpson, who graduated from a life of petty crime, caring for no one's feelings, right from wrong, a wife beater, control freak to murder. That man, as far as I can tell doesn't have a kind bone in his body. He has no remorse and feels entitled to whatever he wants in this world. Thank God he is now in jail for a crime OTHER than the murder of his wife and her friend.

*DP may have "sped up the process" in that you "don't care" anymore, but I hate to say, it is not an excuse for the behavior you describe. I'm not judging you, I simply cannot agree that what you have described is in any way related to DP/DR. And it would be ... criminal ... to use that as an excuse. Or a defense.*

Many individuals with a variety of mental illnesses are more likely to be victims of crime, or perpetrators of petty crimes, drug arrests and such.

I hope you don't slip further into this ... which is self-destructive, and yet a sociopath isn't concerned about that either.

*Are you getting any therapy or help for this?*



> Ive committed horrible crimes just for money, and sometimes just sheer fun


This particular sentence is extremely troubling. What is the definition of horrible? And for "sheer fun" is also extremely troubling.


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## sonnl

Okay I never killed anyone, and im not a rapist lol, i might have over dramatized things when i said horrible.


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## Pablo

Would a sociopath care about being a sociopath? perhaps being bothered about it proves that you aren't one


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## Guest

sonnl said:


> Okay I never killed anyone, and im not a rapist lol, i might have over dramatized things when i said horrible.


OKAAAAAAY. May I ask how old you are? It's just that having no remorse, and no concern for others is something of a hallmark for someone who is a sociopath. The thing that is troubling is one step over that line can escalate to such crimes -- again, such as OJ Simpson.

If you're the person who tried to carjack me TWICE in L.A. I'm very angry with you, LOL! Oh, no, you are a New Yorker, THAT'S the reason.
Only kidding.

But what you describe is definitely self-destructive, and I'd say the actions of someone who is troubled or very angry? EDIT: Why are you now saying these things about yourself? Do you wish to seek help? Could you stop being this way? When was the last time you did something without concern for another human being and how did you feel?

Man, I sound like a therapist and I'm not. Just concerned I guess.

Take Care,
D


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## Guest

Pablo said:


> Would a sociopath care about being a sociopath? perhaps being bothered about it proves that you aren't one


Yes, an interesting point.
But actions speak louder than words. Committing crimes for fun ... someone can cop to that and still be a sociopath. I was concerned about the implication that DP/DR can reinforce such behavior, and I would say, perhaps if you don't care at all about your own life, but if you hurt others, that does not justify criminal or hurtful actions.


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## Guest

_*@Everdream, you are the sweetest person on Earth, and I've never met you, and I miss you!*_


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## EverDream

Dreamer* said:


> _*@Everdream, you are the sweetest person on Earth, and I've never met you, and I miss you!*_


WOW. Thank you so much.
If only being sweet could help me in life that would be great... lol

By the way, you still owe me a PM


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## babybowrain

Before I got worse as a person I started obssesively thinking I was a sociopath and I was really terrified, so maybe I know how you feel? Don't know if it's the same thing as you. Life is a battle and some people are considered good and some are considered bad, but they all still fight...I wish I could be good ;/


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## sonnl

Ive always thought I was the good guy. I really did, and thats propably why I never took the time to see how my actions really werent good. Everyone else was the bad guy, and if they stood against me than I was in the right to do what I did. Im just all confused about a lot of shit.


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## babybowrain

If you look up carl jung's theories you'll see he has one about "The shadow" archetype. I'm no psychologist but the shadow represents all the bad in you, and the more aware you are of it the less your faults will be. Then again, who knows, you could end up incredibley depressed







I used to think I was so good too...or a mix of thinking im good and feeling guilty/like a horrible person.


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## sonnl

Most of the bad shit ive ever done i did with the best intentions, so how could I feel guilty, or horrible, its just everything blew up in my face. Im gonna look that shit up though it sounds interesting.


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## babybowrain

I don't think if you've not done it on purpose it's really bad? I don't know...its all hard to explain


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## Guest

sonnl said:


> Most of the bad shit ive ever done i did with the best intentions, so how could I feel guilty, or horrible, its just everything blew up in my face. Im gonna look that shit up though it sounds interesting.


I'm following this as I don't think anyone has posted something like this before.

Can you give an example of something you did with the best intentions? This is confusing to anyone, as I'm wondering now if you're being outrageously harsh on yourself, or grabbing onto a diagnosis/description of yourself that just isn't true?

Please give an example, or is there one particular thing that is really bugging you?

It really sounds as if you need to speak to a GOOD therapist. Even someone who isn't 100% clear on DP ... difficult to find them. An M.D. as well.

Some of the things you describe in your first post ... you describe CRIMES where you ended up in jail. What were those things?

There's definite confusion here ... can you explain any of this with details?


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## Guest

Oh heck, I just recalled ...

There is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and there is Antisocial Personality Disorder. I would say, OJ Simpson (my perfect example) moved from NPD to APD. I shouldn't even encourage you to look these things up. Let me see if I can find them in the Merck Manual. What's more important is your true sense of confusion about yourself ...
You say on one hand -- 
*I have done some terrible things, some just for fun, and I have been in jail* - you have to have done something relatively serious to end up in jail.

Then --
*Well, actually I did SOMEthing that was with good intentions that blew up in my face.*

Have you done both of these things, all of these things? 
No judgement, I'm just fascinated.

@Everdream, I do owe you a PM ... and I'm crabby. LOL. End of the week.
Peace,
D


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## Guest

Current Diagnostic Criteria - Antisocial Personality Disorder (other personality disorders) - you can read in more depth, but what you initially described sonni actually sounded ASD ... there has to be a reason behind that though Personality Disorders aren't well understood. Wish you'd see a therapist at minimum as you are trying to sort yourself out, and no one can help you with that really save a really good M.D. psychiatrist or a really good therapist, Ph.D. in Clincal Psychology are my top bets. And in NYC, you should be able to find a ton. Probably expensive though.

http://www.merck.com/mmpe/sec15/ch201/ch201a.html?qt=antisocial%20personality%20disorder&alt=sh
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*"Antisocial personality* is marked by the callous disregard for the rights and feelings of other people. Affected people exploit others for materialistic gain or personal gratification.

They become frustrated easily and tolerate frustration poorly. Characteristically, they act out (see Table 1) their conflicts impulsively and irresponsibly, sometimes with hostility and violence. They usually do not anticipate the consequences of their behaviors and typically do not feel remorse or guilt afterward.

Many of them have a well-developed capacity for glibly rationalizing their behavior or blaming it on others. Dishonesty and deceit permeate their relationships. Punishment rarely modifies their behavior or improves their judgment.

Antisocial personality often leads to alcoholism, drug addiction, promiscuity, failure to fulfill responsibilities, frequent relocation, and difficulty abiding by laws. Life expectancy is decreased, but the disorder tends to diminish or stabilize with aging."
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(NB: When it says leads to shortened life span, I believe this refers to the fact that if one is involved in crime, one can be killed committing a crime. Or if one is caught up in addictive behavior you could die from a drug overdose, etc. Drunk driving. The nature of the lifestyle is dangerous.)

Sonni, do you see why I jumped to this right away? And I guess the words sociopath and psychopath are more "lay person terms" for this more specific classification.

What is your reaction to this? Does this actually describe you? This is what I actually "heard" in your first post.


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## sonnl

yeah i def wanna see a therapist, i just wont be able to afford it for atleast another year. Thanks for pointing all this out for me tho.
Anti Personality disorter definatley describes me on point, and I think its even been pointed out a bit when I was younger.


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## babybowrain

babybowrain said:


> Before I got worse as a person I started obssesively thinking I was a sociopath and I was really terrified, so maybe I know how you feel? Don't know if it's the same thing as you. Life is a battle and some people are considered good and some are considered bad, but they all still fight...I wish I could be good ;/


By the way...when I told my doctor I thought I was a sociopath she was REALLY worried about my obssessions/ mental health and wanted me to go to a hospital...so I'm sort of worried about you too.


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## Dawn

Pablo said:


> Would a sociopath care about being a sociopath?* perhaps being bothered about it proves that you aren't one*


bolded part ^


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