# Attachment Theoy



## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

Do you think everyone with DPDR has an underlying attachment disorder?


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

newyork said:


> Do you think everyone with DPDR has an underlying attachment disorder?


I do.


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## katiej (Jan 21, 2012)

well its diff for everyone .. but i know i am overly attatched to my parents... and im 21.. im scared without them. and i cant think of myself in the world without em


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## stuckinbetween (Feb 17, 2012)

NY, I thought you were seeing some positive results with Neurofeedback, how is that going anyhow?


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## Rebekah (May 16, 2009)

I had posted on a separate thread about limbic dissonance. I believe that an unhealthy attachment or no real attachment at all with important emotional role models, mother and father, could cause abnormal brain development. I read some info. on the web about Bowlby's attachment theory. I believe that my brain developed abnormally from inside the womb and in infancy from being unwanted "rejected" by my mother, since she did not bond with me at birth. She also admits she let me cry myself to sleep in the crib quite a bit, which really causes attachment disorder and panic in a baby. I've always been overexcited, and unable to bond with other people. I dissociated in first grade alot according to my teacher, but then, she was mean, and I needed to avoid her. So, add the large dose of marijuana, which can cause anxiety and dissociation if you get too much, and now, I've reinforced those pathways that were already laid down in my brain from birth. Emotional attachments are very important for mental health. And when someone you have grown to trust tears that away, it can cause all sorts of DP and anxiety and depression. I think healthy emotional attachments are critical to survival and bad attachments can cause death of the soul and body (suicide or homicide).


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## insaticiable (Feb 23, 2010)

newyork said:


> Do you think everyone with DPDR has an underlying attachment disorder?


This was certainly a theory of Harris Harrington's. I believe, myself have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. Dunno if that's the right term....fearful-preoccupied?


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

No not everyone. Dissociation is healthy responce in adults, some people have dp from
anxiety and I don't think it's as much of a defense mechinsm in those cases cor some reason


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## rightwrong99 (Apr 17, 2011)

stuckinbetween said:


> NY, I thought you were seeing some positive results with Neurofeedback, how is that going anyhow?


I am. Its going really well. I don't feel depersonalized all the time now. My attachment to my memories has come back, the threads seem to all be coming together. A big thing about Neurofeedback is it ability to resolve my attachment issues. Its a great therapy thats used for people with Reactive Attachment Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Once the patient has been stabilized and feels security again, they have the ability to finally explore the world, and they begin to form a sense of self (therapists should serve this purpose but it often takes years and years.)
Forming a self is not as much about going inside ureself and finding a soul there, but going out into the world, engaging with it, and being able to process that experience and relate it to other people. Then u have a self.
Recovering from all this is a PROJECT. But its possible. For me, Neurofeedback is the medium that I needed to really progress in my recovery (though Ive done many other things that helped along the way.) For others, it might not work. And if you're Heretic (Hoe), you think its a crock of shit.
To be clear.. i am not fully recovered, and I have my ups and downs. I think I'll always have the tendency to depersonalize and dissociate... but as my core gets stronger, I stay centered for longer periods of time, and I can engage with the world again in a new and exciting way. My senses have come alive. Things are more visceral. I don't feel like I'm retarded. The numbness in my head is only there sometimes. The sensation of "no thoughts at all" has subsided - as I become engaged with the world, the having no thoughts thing becomes a non-issue. And best of all, I've been able to come off of half of my medication. 
Mind you, its only been 2 months, and 17 sessions. 18th is on Monday.

Its a snowball effect - but in the right direction.

It hasn't been easy. It takes work. I can sort of relate to Abraxas' story of recovering through the use of Ayahuasca. You really have to push your mind to try to do things its not use to doing, connect to memories and emotions it doesnt want to connect to, accept and reject ideas and beliefs that are and arent useful anymore. Its involves a total change in consciousness and a re-evaluation of the universe, and of yourself. I think that anyone that expects DP to resolve on its own is just silly. But I understand that there doesnt seem to be a whole lot of options. Before Neurofeedback started working, I was most likely going to end my life, it was only a matter of time.

I would really akin DPDR to a sort of "brain damage" but only in the sense the the mind has become completely disorganized. You're all scrambled up and you have no BASE with which to re-group.

This all being said, I would never suggest anyone with DP do this unless they were doing it under the supervision of a therapist trained in treating dissociative disorders. If a neurofeedback doctor wants to look at an EEG and just try to correct your dysregularities - nothing is gonna happen. Your brain is dysregulated for a reason, and that involves many different factors (psychological, biochemical, psychosocial, etc.) If you have no secure base and you just try to open up the person's senses and emotions again - nothing will happen. Or you're going to retraumatize them. Creating checkpoints along the way is very important. 
So like I said before, neurofeedback for me is not the cure itself, but the medium through which I am able to cure myself. We work together.


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## Guest (Mar 9, 2012)

I think I have a dependency/attachment issue. I was clingy to my parents when I was a kid. They would leave me places when I was very young e.g. in the car or in the shopping centre (Where I would get lost and lose them). Eventually I was old enough to realise the things they were doing to me emotionally and occasionally physically, had a lot of anger in late childhood towards the way I was treated into teenhood, now I hate them - Literally, and I don't find that word immature or exaggerated with use in this circumstance. I have distanced myself away from them, avoid seeing them, try to avoid talking to them on the phone, etc.

I think I have transferred that early attachment I had onto my husband. Teamed with my anxiety, DP and BPD it has caused me to need someone if there is ever a time where I need to be alone. Travelling anywhere on my own (Even walking) is a nightmare and is something I currently avoid.

I don't even know if this is in any way relevant to the topic but anywho!


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## violetgirl (Apr 11, 2011)

newyork said:


> I am. Its going really well. I don't feel depersonalized all the time now. My attachment to my memories has come back, the threads seem to all be coming together. A big thing about Neurofeedback is it ability to resolve my attachment issues. Its a great therapy thats used for people with Reactive Attachment Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. .


Hi

Can you explain how this has worked for you? What differences have you noticed so far?

Also, look into Trauma Release Exercises, that has helped me a lot with my attachment issues. And you can do these at home, they are so simple, but really effective.


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## = n (Nov 17, 2004)

Ive had it for 20 years on and off, but lately ive almost completely overcome it via the attachment ideas coming from Harris Harrington, so i'm inclined to say, at least, that almost everyone whos had it as long as i have surely has some kind of 'attachment disorder'.


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## kate_edwin (Aug 9, 2009)

everyone wth dp form trauma probably has one.......or something similar. but those people who have dp symptoms from other disorders, probably not


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

Hum. I'm attached to myself. The idea that I could go on so long and through so much and then just fucking die and dissolve or get a brain disease that renders me nothing freaks me out. I'm also attached to other life. I hate that it all dies and suffers and that life isn't fair. Then I just want off the planet cause it's so callous. I'm a piece of work. lol.


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

Rebekah said:


> I had posted on a separate thread about limbic dissonance. I believe that an unhealthy attachment or no real attachment at all with important emotional role models, mother and father, could cause abnormal brain development. I read some info. on the web about Bowlby's attachment theory. I believe that my brain developed abnormally from inside the womb and in infancy from being unwanted "rejected" by my mother, since she did not bond with me at birth. She also admits she let me cry myself to sleep in the crib quite a bit, which really causes attachment disorder and panic in a baby. I've always been overexcited, and unable to bond with other people. I dissociated in first grade alot according to my teacher, but then, she was mean, and I needed to avoid her. So, add the large dose of marijuana, which can cause anxiety and dissociation if you get too much, and now, I've reinforced those pathways that were already laid down in my brain from birth. Emotional attachments are very important for mental health. And when someone you have grown to trust tears that away, it can cause all sorts of DP and anxiety and depression. I think healthy emotional attachments are critical to survival and bad attachments can cause death of the soul and body (suicide or homicide).


OMG that is HORRIBLE your mother should be ashamed of herself letting you cry yourself to sleep fkn hell!! some people don't deserve to have kids if they are not willing to love and nurture them the way they should!! I'm sorry to hear this happened for you


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## daydreambeliever (Jun 15, 2011)

missjess said:


> OMG that is HORRIBLE your mother should be ashamed of herself letting you cry yourself to sleep fkn hell!! some people don't deserve to have kids if they are not willing to love and nurture them the way they should!! I'm sorry to hear this happened for you


When I had my first child in 1980, in CA,USA, it was recommended that I let my son "cry it out" if he still woke up at night at 8 months of age. It took two horrible nights as I lay in the next room and listened to his frightened, not understanding at all, cries. I cried. He gave up and gave in after only 2 nights, but who knows what that poor little guy went through. He is my most insecure child. Never did that with my next 2, and they learned eventually to sleep through the night, and in their beds, I even let them sleep with me! No big deal! Two are in their 30s now and my 3rd is 28.


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## Guest (Sep 1, 2012)

daydreambeliever said:


> When I had my first child in 1980, in CA,USA, it was recommended that I let my son "cry it out" if he still woke up at night at 8 months of age. It took two horrible nights as I lay in the next room and listened to his frightened, not understanding at all, cries. I cried. He gave up and gave in after only 2 nights, but who knows what that poor little guy went through. He is my most insecure child. Never did that with my next 2, and they learned eventually to sleep through the night, and in their beds, I even let them sleep with me! No big deal! Two are in their 30s now and my 3rd is 28.


I think it's honest of you to admit that. Child care, like most things, has it's fads and fashions, and different viewpoints come into acceptance at different times and people just accept them. Unfortunately, some "experts" told a generation of young mothers that their babies will stop crying if you just leave them to it. Which I'm sure worked a treat, once their babies had realsed there was no point crying because no-one was coming for them. Best to teach them the harsh realities of life sooner rather than later, ay? They've got to learn...
Certainly one of my first memories is actually of lying in the crib, wordlessly accepting that I was alone and that no-one was coming. I strongly suspect that babies will cry less overall the sooner they are attended to, because they become less anxious and more secure.
I first read about this link between dp/dr and attachment trauma in Feeling Unreal, and it seems to hold water. While I expect that anyone could potentially dissociate if exposed to strong enough stressors for long enough, in chronic cases there seem to be something deeper and more underlying. With some people the abuse they suffered in childhood is the obvious cause of their problems, but with others it's more subtle. Their background may seem very normal and unacceptional, even to themselves, but you dig deeper and find that, to one degree or another, their emotional needs have not been met. Whether those needs are ignored, degraded or attacked, in one way or another they were denied. Parents bring us into this world physically but they also have to do so in other ways for us to be well adjusted. They are our primary, and most significant connection with this existance. But if that connection is unstable, unreliable, unpredictable or even dangerous, then we are never really granted the safety and space to plant our feet solidly in this reality. A part of us holds back. It's a broken step in what should be our natural development, and it can be a long process to finally bring that long-frozen part of us forward.
Just a few thoughts on the matter.


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## wise (Mar 29, 2012)

Phantasm said:


> I think it's honest of you to admit that. Child care, like most things, has it's fads and fashions, and different viewpoints come into acceptance at different times and people just accept them. Unfortunately, some "experts" told a generation of young mothers that their babies will stop crying if you just leave them to it. Which I'm sure worked a treat, once their babies had realsed there was no point crying because no-one was coming for them. Best to teach them the harsh realities of life sooner rather than later, ay? They've got to learn...
> Certainly one of my first memories is actually of lying in the crib, wordlessly accepting that I was alone and that no-one was coming. I strongly suspect that babies will cry less overall the sooner they are attended to, because they become less anxious and more secure.
> I first read about this link between dp/dr and attachment trauma in Feeling Unreal, and it seems to hold water. While I expect that anyone could potentially dissociate if exposed to strong enough stressors for long enough, in chronic cases there seem to be something deeper and more underlying. With some people the abuse they suffered in childhood is the obvious cause of their problems, but with others it's more subtle. Their background may seem very normal and unacceptional, even to themselves, but you dig deeper and find that, to one degree or another, their emotional needs have not been met. Whether those needs are ignored, degraded or attacked, in one way or another they were denied. Parents bring us into this world physically but they also have to do so in other ways for us to be well adjusted. They are our primary, and most significant connection with this existance. But if that connection is unstable, unreliable, unpredictable or even dangerous, then we are never really granted the safety and space to plant our feet solidly in this reality. A part of us holds back. It's a broken step in what should be our natural development, and it can be a long process to finally bring that long-frozen part of us forward.
> Just a few thoughts on the matter.


I agree well said.


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## saken (Nov 2, 2011)

I'm interested in this theory since I come from a highly dysfunctional family.

My dad beat us and verbally abused us and more or less acted as a dictator.
My mother was a pill addict and work addict who cut her self off emotionally.

We moved a lot and the feeling in the home was always tense and worrisome.

I have never had a good relationship with my father (believe me I tried and tried) and I found out through my older sister that he was my step-father when I was 20. Surely something I had been knowing in the back of my head since I told her that she was going to tell me that when she called, either that or I'm a medium or something xD

Since I thought he was my biological father, I forgave a lot of shit he did to me and my siblings/mother, because your not supposed to hate your parents I thought.

My mother who I always have been protecting and seeing as a victim, is not that innocent herself. She is a master manipulator and liar, which I just about now are realizing.

I do think I have a fucked up attachment to my mother emotionally, and I always thought the problem with me lies with the abuse from my step-father but I'm more and more leaning towards my mother being the problem. Somewhere back in my head I must have known that she was a big fraud but I didn't want to admit it since she was my mother. A mother doesn't act like that and she was the only parent I ever felt real parental feelings towards even though I feel like she was distant when I was young. It was hard to get her real attention and she was easily irritated when I was looking for attention from her.

Myself, I've always been a worried kid.. Hypochondria, disaster thoughts, anxiety in general. Started drinking early, rebelled (dressed as a punk-rocker), always looked for an identity (switched a lot punk, skater) preferred not being home (sleeping at friends houses), doing some drugs. Today I still drink a lot and I fight at football games.

Everything went ape-shit when I smoked marijuana when I lived in Spain for half a year. Huge panic attack and then DP/DR emerged. This happened two weeks prior to me going back home, and before that incident I felt really good and worry-free. Might me going back home have brought all this shit back up and then the marijuana triggered the DP that was already underlying in my psyche?

Do this fit the attachment theory in some way?


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## missjess (Jun 1, 2012)

I'm starting to rethink the attachment theory of DP ... Because my sister has an insecure attachment style also and she does not have DP...she's doing quite well socially and occupation wise...still has abandonment issues and relationship problems but deff not DP


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