# New to this CRY FOR HELP!



## Wrecked373 (Nov 20, 2014)

So here's my story! I am self diagnosed with derealization! I have ha anxiety for aslong as I can remember... Being a child I would get weird feelings in my bed at night and just start crying about not wanting to grow up and die not wanting my parents to die wanting my nana back just weird things a child shouldn't think about! Got over this stage and as a sophomore in HS things hit hard!!! I would wake up on the first day go to school and have a panic attack! It would last about 2 maybe 3 weeks and if be all good... Well this happened every year around the same time in August! So senior year I left I couldn't do it anymore!! I'm now 19 and 3 months ago around the same time in August I thought will I have an attack being I'm out if school? Well then my grandfather on my dads side passed! He lived beside us and everyone in my family including me work fire/ems... There was nothing we could do... I watched them bag him and take him away everyone was crying other than me dad and my uncles... About 2 weeks after that one of our dogs died! Of course me and mom found her I dug the hole mom cried I didn't so on... About a week later my parents divorced and mom moved out! Again no tears yet I felt tension growing that's 3 major events in one month! Then a week later my other grandfather is Laying on his death bed and mom told Nero go up there! I couldn't! For the love of god I couldn't i felt sick I was so out of it! Dad and sister left to see him and as soon as they closed the door I had the largest panic attack I could ever have! It lasted all day!! I then slept for almost 3 days in total! I finally woke up and looked around the world had changed! Nothing looks right I see my parents know that's ten but they look different I don't feel there love I don't feel anybody's! I went to the doc and she upped my Zoloft witch Zoloft made it all worse anyways! Then changed it to Effexor and I refused to take it being scared then I was givin hydroxyzine witch again made things worse!! I seeked help I thought I was developing skitzo! I went to a phycotherapist and she has never heard of dr/dp witch I found out by google! I then told her I feare of ring skitzo so she wants me tested tht freaks me out more! I want to be normal again I have been like this for 3 monts I have OCD I think none stop of dying or being skitzo or ther health problems I can't ever sleep I feel the only way to stop this is if I somehow die! It's been 24/7 for 3 months!!! Anybody else with a close story cured or any help at all! Please!


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## Here (Nov 21, 2014)

Everyone here has their own story, their own experiences...but we can relate and we're for you. What you've gone through is extremely difficult, so its going to take quite a bit of time, but things do get better. My primary advice would be to learn as much as you can about all of this. The forum is a good place for supprt and practical advice but check out some medical websites too. I did this and it taught me that I wasn't completely alone in all of this, that there are thousands of others who struggle but continue to face each new day with determination and hope. Whether its anxiety, OCD, depersonalization, schizophrenia, or some combination....its going to be okay. You'll slowly learn what works for you and what doesn't. You'll have good days and bad days. It will be hard to function, but you will function. Its easy for people with DP/DR to get caught up in existential questions and become freaked out and confused in a world that doesn't make sense and sometimes seems to be crashing down all around us...when I get caught in those moments, I stop everything I'm doing, go someplace quiet and calmly sort through all the confusion and focus on just one thing: me. Not in a selfish way but a mediative way that helps me realize that I am here, and I can get through this. You can get through it too.


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## Wrecked373 (Nov 20, 2014)

Does it actually sound like I have dr/dp? Or am I going crazy? Can what happened really be the cause if my problems?!?


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## 35467 (Dec 31, 2010)

Read this site if you have anxiety and panic -very informative. People who become psychotic are not aware of a disorder in on the way -they lose reality testing -you are to aware because it is anxiety you have. You will not get a psychosis http://anxietynomore.co.uk

It "normal" to have mental hypocondritis to a DP state -so it is normal.


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## Wrecked373 (Nov 20, 2014)

Ok so then my next questions are why hasn't my doc told me I have dr/dp if that's the only thing there and will I get better! I see no future and when I look back its hard and I feel like I have always been this way?


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Not many doctors are aware of DP symptoms and hence don't diagnose it properly..they usually put it down to basic anxiety..a good psychiatrist would be able to diagnose you straight away..try and find one who specialises in Dissociative disorders of specifically Dp..you are not going crazy..I promise..I once felt as you do..thought I was going totally nuts..it will ease in time..DP is just anxiety to the extreme..it eases in time..if I can feel better you can..I had chronic DP for a long time but now I feel much better and have moved on with my life..you can too


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## Wrecked373 (Nov 20, 2014)

Is your dr/dp compleatly gone?! I'm scared ill never be me again! I'm hopeless! Dr is the thing I worry about the most and I have anxiety depression OCD and a hypochondriac... I'm even more scared because I am self diagnosed and I am not sure if this is the case!


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## SteveCarr (Nov 9, 2014)

Hey Wrecked,

Let me tell you what i know and what i've been through.
I've had Generalized Anxiety Disorder for nearing 6 years, maybe longer..but it probably lay dormant inside until something in my life triggered it.
This year, and this is gunna sound exactly like you're story. My dog had died, infront of my very eyes. I rushed to his vet and i still wasnt able to save him.
He took his last breath infront of my very eyes. That was 7 months ago.

The End of January this year i stopped taking medication because i felt as thought 5 years was enough, i felt great! it was different, i felt more alive and un restricted.
I got a job and stuff was going half decent. Then when my puppy died, i went into a depression for days. I managed to work out of it and i felt "back to normal"...but apparently i wasn't. Subconscious anxiety can be just as potent as upfront in you're face anxiety.

So needless to say, my anxiety came back after being months free of it, at full force.
It was crippling, like i had never experienced it before. It was so bad, i was experiencing that i had never experienced before.
I googled and googled. Let me tell you something, Google - when anxious - is your worst enemy. Trust me.

I came up with Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Split Personality. You name it. I sat there and convinced myself i was experiencing all these things, the dreaded - "OH I HAVE THIS" type catastrophic thinking.
It's horrible for your thinking and your health.
What i was experiencing was exactly what you said you are. Derealization (Visual Disturbances, Hyper-awareness, Brightness, Light Sensitivity etc) and Depersonalization ( Feeling not like yourself, your own voice doesnt feel like your own, the stranger in the mirror even though its you, friends/family seem distant from you or you are distant from them etc)

It's been months and months for me friend. 6 1/2 to be exact, 24/7.
Not on any meds, just pure will power.
I have a psychiatrist and my mother to help me, and i met some awesome people on this site to help coach me and they have 50x the experience i do.

You havent elaborated on what exact symptoms you are experiencing, but if what you have searched has brought you here. I would say you are experiencing DP/DR.
Let me tell you something my friend, DP/DR can make you think/feel some really intense/vivid thoughts. Feeling a thought is probably my worst experience with this.
Take it from me, im still new compared to alot of others, but im still able to put my foot forward everyday with hope that it will be gone, with belief that it will be gone.

My best advice to you is these.
Talk to a professional as well about them:

1. Mindfulness (Meditation, Thought prevention/assisting)
2. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which also has mindfulness included. It helps prevent and refocus you're thought patterns.)
3. Eat Healthy
4. Get yourself back outside and communicate with friends and family and try to refocus yourself.
5. Drop any bad habits (i.e Smoking, Drinking, Coffee)

Do these things in moderation, consult with a professional though as well.
Also, if you decide to do them, don't expect them to work right away either friend.

Im sure, alot of people on this site can agree with what i am gunna tell you as well.

DP/DR normally and in most cases is achieved because the brain (your brain, my brain, everyones) has experienced a traumatic moment, something that it cant normally process and deal with. Anxiety..loss..etc.

What the brain will do, is retreat. It will shut down for a while to kind of..hide itself in a way to help cope with the amount of stress. When your brain retreats like that, it shuts down certain receptors and cognitive areas. Leaving you feel dreamy, tired, confused and it will play around with serotonin levels as well. Increasing Anxiety or depression.

What keeps you're mind in this state is the fact of your thoughts when experiencing it, everyones different, everyone will have different thoughts or even severity depending on their situation. The thoughts themselves are feeding the anxiety and DP/DR and it will fuel itself and continue its cycle.

I believe, which everyone is open to interpretation or their own theories - is that thoughts are what keep DP/DR going ASWELL as anxiety too.
For that there are tons and tons of techniques/coping methods/strategies and help that you can get.

I wish the best for you friend, we are all here.
Keep us informed.

Steve.


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## Wrecked373 (Nov 20, 2014)

I will keep all informed! My symptoms are almost like I'm drunk or high 24/7 I'm shakey I can not at all and when I do sometimes it brings in more fear idk why... I have terrible thoughts and OCD I question everything over and over and over again! One thought that constantly pops is am I ever going to get better will this go away will I be normal... Your crazy an you will end up in a mental institute Togo even crazier an die... And the only way to stop this is to die! Some how just die!! I feel very distant from everyone I see my mother and cry because I know it's her but it doesn't lookalike her and I don't feel love I know I love her an she loves me! I just don't feel it!!


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## sebseb (Sep 15, 2014)

Wrecked, calm down. One thing that all those who have recovered from this Disease/defence mechanism is, while seriously Dped and in the middle of their Dp symptoms they always found assurance in their memories from the times they were "normal". This is, for example: you know you love your mama, but you don't feel it now. IT'S OK man, trust in your memory and not on the nonsense feelings/thought of your actual biased condition/disease/defense mechanism. Let it play it's role. Accept every existential paranoia thoughts, just don't get so scared by them, see them as your most profound inner doubts which will be solved within time, not laying on your bed ruminating about them. TIME and LIVING A NORMAL LIFE will solve them, not thinking them. And when they appear and start bothering you, immediatly go distract yourself with something your heart says it's best (go for a walk, run, call a friend, study) and thats how recovered people say you recover. You do this and one day you realise you dont have any symptom anymore and you cant even remember how dp feels like. They all say, tho, that it was a hell of a difficult journey...

Hug


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## Wrecked373 (Nov 20, 2014)

I woke up feeling different today more head pressure neck pressure an because I have self diagnosed myself with this I am second guessing it all i haven't thought the way I have been the past few months I felt weird like I actually have something else


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