# It's Gone, and I've come back to tell my story.



## healing doesnt come easy (Aug 25, 2017)

4/20/2014. That was the day, that was the day that the dp/dr hit me, and I'm not lying to you when I say that it hit me like a truck. I remember the day down to a T and It's something I never want to experience again and that I would not even wish on my worst enemy. 4/20/2014 started out like any other day where I thought I was some badass 16 year old who could do whatever the fuck I wanted, thinking that I was invincible. Well as you guys may guess I wasn't. It all started with a cannabis edible, a small 1in x 1in square of cannabis induced caramel. So I took this edible, thinking that I was just in for a good time but instead I have a massive panic attack. This, was my first time even trying pot too. I fell asleep thinking that I would feel better, normal, anything but that hell, and wake up, but that was far from it. I woke up to only experience hell, nothing felt real, it felt like I was living outside of my body, I had a massive brain fog. I am not even fucking kidding when I say that I couldn't form thoughts, well not complete thoughts without thinking that I wasn't in control.

anyways I'll get to the point, and the good news.

Symptoms:

- Massive Brain Fog(I couldn't remember what simple objects like a fire extinguisher was)

- Feeling like I wasn't in control of my own body

- Feeling as though my thoughts weren't my own

- Feeling like I wasn't living in real life( living behind a giant pane of glass feeling)

- Existential thoughts

- Horrible short term memory

- Horrible feelings of realizing my own mortality

- Very vivid dreams

- HPPD(Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder)

- TONS of PANIC ATTACKS

- Night Sweats

- Tremors, my whole body would pulse( that's how it felt )

- Massive headaches when trying to do basic shit like addition

- Throbbing/Pulsing headaches only on one side( we)

- Feeling like I was going psychotic/schizophrenic(I'm NOT!!! )

These feelings and many more lasted from age 16 - 19 and I still have the daily headaches(not as bad), but i'm happy to say no more dp/dr!!!!! I'm 20 now and It doesn't even feel like I was dealing with any of that shit . First off, before I say what I think led to my recovery, I've gone to many doctors, I've been through many tests, and I still have no official diagnosis, and the doctors think it's some major anxiety or something(for which many doctors have prescribed, lol or should I say TRIED to prescribe me medication.)

ANYWAYS, listen I cannot sit here typing away saying that I know what this horrible feeling was, or that I have some magic cure to fix it, but I can tell you this, it's going to take time and you have a friend to talk to, to get you through it all...me 

What I think Helped my RECOVERY:

- Sleep

- IDGAF about this anymore attitude

- Drinking only Water

- Having an amazing person to talk to ( my best friend OLIVE ;D)

- Doing what I love / Enjoying Life

- Work, getting my mind off of the ' this doesn't feel right/ I don't feel normal' feeling

- Really anything to get my mind off of the ' this doesn't feel right/ I don't feel normal' feeling

What I would advise you to do and What I would have done differently:

- Go get professional help(Therapist), not medication, I REPEAT DO NOT TAKE MEDICATION. I RECOVERED WITHOUT IT AND SO CAN YOU!

- Find someone you can talk to besides therapist

- Drink Lots of water and limit sugar

- STOP USING SUBSTANCES LIKE POT AND ALCOHOL

- Date, have fun, do things to get your mind off of this horrible illness

- DON'T PANIC and realize that it takes TIME to get better, for fuck's sake it took me 3 years.

- Adopt an IDGAF attitude about this mental issue no matter how bad it is and just roll with it. STOP FIGHTING DP/DR and for fuck's sake STOP THINKING YOU HAVE SOME MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS LIKE I DID. DON'T OVER ANALYZE!

LAST WORDS: The last thing I wanted to hear when I was dealing with this was let it run its course, BUT this is the truest thing. You need to realize that eventually you'll get better, but it's not easy and will take time. Maybe lots of it, but recovery is possible and will happen with time. I used to browse this site looking for answers to my questions, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and asking whatever mysterious fucking universe creator WHY ME, I GET THIS ONE FUCKING LIFE AND THIS HAPPENS. But guys, what i'm telling you are facts. NO ONE CAN CURE YOU BUT TIME, NO MEDS, NO SECRET LIFESTYLE, NOTHING.... but TIME so be patient, and whenever you have a severe panic attack message me, let me be that person to talk to  ill be happy to answer any questions you may have, and to help in any way possible!

PSA: I'm still not all the best at writing, so forgive me if I was all over the place. I hope I helped  and best of luck to you strong people.. ;D


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## Milk&honey (Aug 24, 2017)

Im so happy to hear of your recovery congratulations man !!


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## allison84 (May 4, 2016)

Congratulations on your recovery


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## Grindelwald (Jul 22, 2017)

Thank you for your story. As soon as I saw the date (4/20) I knew exactly what happened, lol. There is no better feeling than recovering from this.


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## Mimoza (Sep 7, 2017)

Thank u For the post , i recovered too from sévère DP/dr and now Im suffering alot with feelings of low self esteem and lack of confiance , and honestly i prefere DP/dr than this disgusting feeling , the question is :did u passed this stage after recovery ?


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## dissoziation (Aug 20, 2015)

Congratulations on your recovery, man! Even though I got DP/DR a different way, this post really gives me hope.


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## healing doesnt come easy (Aug 25, 2017)

Mimoza said:


> Thank u For the post , i recovered too from sévère DP/dr and now Im suffering alot with feelings of low self esteem and lack of confiance , and honestly i prefere DP/dr than this disgusting feeling , the question is :did u passed this stage after recovery ?


Sorry for not being on this forum guys, ive been working so much. To answer your question i'm still battling depression, but to give you some hope it has gotten alot better since a few months ago. A few months ago i was severely depressed and I would obsess over death and barely wanted to get out of bed, but now i'm working every day and getting better as the months go by. MY ADVICE is to find yourself a best friend or someone you can talk to every day that has stuff in common with you. Getting out and talking to people, or just doing something I love like traveling to a new place outside of my city has helped my depression alot


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## healing doesnt come easy (Aug 25, 2017)

Lucasb780 said:


> The annoying thing is, I already got and recovered from DP/DR and now i'm getting it again. No lie it took me 4 years to feel like I was 90% better. I know that it will probably get better again but every time I slip into one of these states I just get this feeling like its different. Like something else more sinister is going on and i'm going bat shit. I also get frustrated that this is MY LIFE and I haven't been in control since this all started in 7th grade. I haven't felt REAL in so damn long and I cant take it anymore. Im missing out on so much. Its my senior year now, I just started dating a drop-dead beautiful girlfriend, I have good test scores and my college applications are looking good, I just got my license. This is supposed to be and it would be, the happiest time of my life so far. Yet I cant even fucking experience it. Im trapped in this psychotic bubble. I get so scared of how i'm feeling especially in class that I think i'm going to just drop dead. Im also afraid to tell my GF about this, I was this chill, anxiety-free guy ever since she met me 6 months ago and only about a week ago did I have this DP/DR relapse. Now i'm super paranoid and I basically mentally challenged.
> 
> These are my symptoms:
> 
> ...


Hey brother, listen its really hard to give advice, but i'm going to try my best. YOU have mentioned nothing about having delusions or auditory/visual hallucinations, so dont worry you're not going crazy and youre not going to! I totally feel you with those symptoms, Ive had those exact ones, and some were even worse(in the post). YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR GF EVERYTHING dont fear judgement and if she thinks youre crazy maybe you dont need to have her in your life. You need a good support system! Try not to focus on your symptoms much, just check in on them if that makes sense. YOU need to find something to do that you love! I hope i helped


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## Lexy67 (Sep 23, 2017)

The way you described your feelings, Lucas, is very much the way I experience I can't recall breakfast of what I did yesterday. It's this void. A terrible, no time acribed, void. I don't know how I'll get through this again. 
So life stopping.


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## Leah87 (Feb 2, 2017)

I AM 99.9% OUT, THANKS TO THE IDGAF WAY OF LIFE, AND TO ENJOY MY LIFE LIKE TOMORROW I WAS GOING TO DIE, BUT IN THE BEST POSITIVE WAY, RIDE A BIKE, FALL IN LOVE, TAKE LONG WALKS, BE A KID AGAIN, ENJOY THE RAIN, ENJOY THE SMALL GIFTS OF THIS EXISTENCE, IF WE ARE GOING TO DIE SOME DAY, AND DEATH IS A NEW BEGINNING, WHY TO WORRY ABOUT IT?, BE READY FOR THE WAR AND PEACE. BLESSINGS.


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