# Update on my treatment and what has been offered



## MrFedUp (Aug 11, 2016)

Right,

For OVER a year now I have felt DRUNK 24/7 without a break, I feel neurologically broken like my brain has partly died. I have seen so so so many people, on Escitalopram 15mg which does nothing, my doctor won't put me on an anti-physcotic yet, CBT did not work.

So after I had a meltdown at my doctors and said I'm ready to kill my self because I can't cope feeling this way any longer ....

I am refereed to a Neurologist 
I was also referred to a help centre where I had a meeting with a really nice lady. However she told me she had not come across anyone experiencing the spaced out feeing 24/7 all the time (great). So she is having a meeting with another 3 physiologists to discuss my best form of treatment. However with it being the NHS it will take months for another appointment.

I booked a day off work yesterday to go shopping with my girlfriend, as usual felt like I was walking around high and drunk, and my vision was so so bad.

I don't even think I have DP / DR I was relaxed with my girlfriend at a lovely Christmas market how the hell could I be anxious or depressed about that ?!

My derealization is making me suicidal , I don't even think it is DP I feel like I'm brain damaged


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## eddy1886 (Oct 11, 2012)

Some people lose their anxiety and panic but the sensation of feeling spaced out remains...Its a classic De Realization symptom....

I myself have found the spaced out sensation very difficult to irradicate...It has never left me and is particularly prominent in public places, in crowds and when I feel stressed..

It almost feels like my mind is detaching me from my surroundings because im uncomfortable in them...(This backs up the theory that DP/Dr is a protection mode of the mind)

The jury is out on that one though cos if your mind was protecting you why would we feel so disturbed, fearful and completely f****d up...

This also is probably gonna sound odd too but nowadays im so used to the feeling of being spaced out that in a strange way it almost feels comfortable..


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

MrFedUp said:


> My derealization is making me suicidal , I don't even think it is DP I feel like I'm brain damaged


Classic DP statement. Although i'm better, and i do have ups and downs. My dp doesn't feel the exact same all the time, but still it's consistent and persistent. I do ponder that too, if it's some kind of brain damage or neurological. But then again how can i study computer science, function socially if i drag myself through it (from an outside perspective) and do all sorts of other stuff. Shit is weird!


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## Chicane (Oct 8, 2015)

I feel for you, I've read your posts and our symptoms are pretty much identical. I can't offer much in the way of advice because I'm in the same boat and not doing terribly well either, and I don't want this to sound like the deaf leading the blind.

I will say that a weight lifted off my shoulders once I became so utterly sick of dealing with doctors and therapists that I just decided "okay, I'm going to take something to relax me daily, and then get on with my life." So that's basically what I've tried to do. The problem comes when we get our hopes up and put our lives, our wellbeing, our sanity in professionals' hands and then they let us down time and time again. So I would take the bare minimum as far as medication or other means that you need to stay above water and just leave the rest of it. What we have is still (apparently) so obscure, and we keep getting laymen that we have to explain the whole thing to over and over that it becomes maddening. And let's face it, we know more than most people who are assigned to us, as in many cases they are just glorified social workers. I think we have to grieve for our old lives somewhat, take what we need in order to chill, and then try to somehow make the best of it until some better treatment comes along.


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## MrFedUp (Aug 11, 2016)

eddy1886 said:


> Some people lose their anxiety and panic but the sensation of feeling spaced out remains...Its a classic De Realization symptom....
> 
> I myself have found the spaced out sensation very difficult to irradicate...It has never left me and is particularly prominent in public places, in crowds and when I feel stressed..
> 
> ...


Hi Eddy,

firstly thankyou for always replying your a huge help and im greatful for whenever you post to me.

Mine is sometimes worse in supermarkets or driving etc, but now I notice when i wake up in the night its even worse. Like if i woke up to go for a wee at 2AM it would be like ive had 12 beers, and when i talk its not my voice its like im listening to somebody else? Can you relate?

GOD I Need to get better, im trying so hard, doing everything I can, nothing is working and i cant keep going its torture ! I may aswell be an alcoholic im sure drug addicts/ alcoholics have a clear better mentality than me. I Feel so ILL and DRUGGED, just the exact same as being DRUNK !


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## MrFedUp (Aug 11, 2016)

Pondererer said:


> Classic DP statement. Although i'm better, and i do have ups and downs. My dp doesn't feel the exact same all the time, but still it's consistent and persistent. I do ponder that too, if it's some kind of brain damage or neurological. But then again how can i study computer science, function socially if i drag myself through it (from an outside perspective) and do all sorts of other stuff. Shit is weird!


Hi Pondererer,

Thanks for always helping me out aswell, im so glad you feel better, is that from the Anti-Physcotic do you think? Ive noticed i am now even worse when i wake up at night, the detatchment and derealization i feel is so strong its like a living dream. Its the same in the day and i thought that was bad but at night time Jeez!

Do you think in your oppinion the root cause of DP or in my case DR is due to physcological trauma?

I have such a good happy life, well did but the only reason im so down is because i feel so drunk and drugged and spaced out constantly.


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## MrFedUp (Aug 11, 2016)

Chicane said:


> I feel for you, I've read your posts and our symptoms are pretty much identical. I can't offer much in the way of advice because I'm in the same boat and not doing terribly well either, and I don't want this to sound like the deaf leading the blind.
> 
> I will say that a weight lifted off my shoulders once I became so utterly sick of dealing with doctors and therapists that I just decided "okay, I'm going to take something to relax me daily, and then get on with my life." So that's basically what I've tried to do. The problem comes when we get our hopes up and put our lives, our wellbeing, our sanity in professionals' hands and then they let us down time and time again. So I would take the bare minimum as far as medication or other means that you need to stay above water and just leave the rest of it. What we have is still (apparently) so obscure, and we keep getting laymen that we have to explain the whole thing to over and over that it becomes maddening. And let's face it, we know more than most people who are assigned to us, as in many cases they are just glorified social workers. I think we have to grieve for our old lives somewhat, take what we need in order to chill, and then try to somehow make the best of it until some better treatment comes along.


Hi Chicane,

As ive just said to the nother 2 guys, thankyou for always helping me i appreciate it!

Its good well not good but you know what i mean to know someone thats got the same as me.

Mine keeps fluctuating like its either 90% BAD or 100% UNBAREABLE , like last night i woke up in the middle of the night to go toilet and oh my god, it was like i was parrilettic, i could walk fine but it was like playing GTA on xbox watching somebody walk and talk. I spoke to my girlfriend but it was like i was listening to somebody!

IM so so tired of feeling so so so poorly with this invisible illness, nobody understands in the medicle world how bad this is because i look so fine.

DRUNK is the only word i can use along with STONED and my whole life is like living in a dreamwrold, i dont know how much longer before i end up in a mental hospital.


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## Pondererer (May 18, 2016)

I think its the combo of meds that have made me better. I feel like the ssri have made me much more stable regarding depression and suicidal thoughts. The anti psychotic has helped directly with the DP.

I think it makes sense that there is some kind of trauma triggering it all, but its hard to say, because i cant think of anything that would be that trauma


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

MrFedUp said:


> ...my whole life is like living in a dreamwrold, i dont know how much longer before i end up in a mental hospital.


tell me about it. I don't know how much more I can take either, but the problem is - ending up in a mental hospital may not help (except to keep me alive) as they will just push more pills.


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## MrFedUp (Aug 11, 2016)

Dreamedm- would you say you feel drunk sort of thing ?


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## dreamedm (Feb 1, 2015)

nope, but I have other distressing symptoms - blank mind, constant terror, etc.


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## Surfer Rosa (Nov 27, 2015)

DP is a brain problem, so feeling like you're brain damaged makes perfect sense. I felt like I was in a haze for months. Finally it went away, and now I just feel tired.


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## Axiom (Jul 25, 2016)

I'd ask your neurologist if they'd do a neurotransmitter test. Mine gave me one a year ago, it was fairly simple. Just mailed in several urine samples. It could point you towards the right medication and if nothing else, be interesting to know how DP is manifesting itself in your brain. Also, don't be afraid to shop around for a new neurologist/psych/therapist. Keep calling until you find someone who recognizes and has knowledge on DP as a disorder NOT just the transient symptom. If you can find someone who believes you and won't just sit behind their pretentious desk and diagnose you with Bipolar/GAD/MDD, then you'll be far better off.


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